[wisdom has left the chat]
pairing: peter parker x f!reader
summary: you get your wisdom teeth removed...who the fuck gave you your phone? (peter did.) where you're extremely high on anesthesia and pain meds, flash can't get a hint, and peter is flushed bright red at your lack of filter on the group chat.
tags: humour. fluff. crack fic. texting. sex mention.
a/n:
requests are open!
WORD COUNT: 1.6k
"Am I being kidnapped?", you whisper out breathily as you writhed under the fastened seatbelt that Peter had done up a couple moments earlier, twisting around clumsily as you tried to press down on the buckle and free yourself from the restraint.
Peter who had just placed away the prescription note and after-surgery procedure instructions in the backseat sighed before quickly getting a grip on your wrist, holding it in place so that it wouldn’t do more damage.
Making eye contact with you and holding your gaze for a few seconds to make sure that you wouldn’t try to get away for the 4th time that evening, he dragged your hand over onto your lap and let it drop softly against your legging clad thighs before responding, “No babe, I’m taking you home.”
You crossed your arms, or at least tried to- only whacking Peter’s nose twice before pouting through the window like a petulant child, spit and blood pooling up underneath your chin as the gauze between your teeth started to fall out. Grumbling under your breath, you garbled out, “Don’t call me babe.”
Peter let out a giggle as he reached for a napkin, holding you by your jaw with extreme caution and turning you towards him so that he could clean up the saliva gathered there, “Why can’t I call you babe, babe?”
Your pout deepened at the outright disrespect as you you gently patted Peter’s knee, as if trying to let him down easy, “Only my boyfriend can call me babe. He’s Spider-Man, you know?” The second part tilted up at the end into a proud and fond voice, your eyes turning soft before realizing where you were and snapping your hand back into yourself.
“Is that right?”, Peter asked amused, finally pulling out of the parking lot of the dentistry and towards the road.
“Yup.”, you exclaimed, popping the p and dancing your fingers across the dash in front of you as you felt the small vibrations tingle up your palm, smiling wide when a small brr emitted from your nails dragging along the textured pattern set around the vent of the AC.
A few more seconds passed of you randomly grazing your fingers along different parts of the interior of Tony’s car, the different materials stimulating your touch before you turned your head completely around and faced your body and attention towards him. Your gaze flickering across a strong jawline and soft set cheekbones, stopping as you paused at his hair. “You have curls.”
Peter glanced at you quickly before returning his focus to the road, sparing a look at himself in the mirror as he ran a hand through the unruly mess, “I do.”
You sighed wistfully as you rested your head against the cushioning of your seat, “Peter has curls.”
Peter let out a laugh, “Y/N, I’m Peter.”
You gave him the most incredulous look before falling into a fit of hiccupped laughter, your palms spaying on your flushed cheeks as you looked back up at him again as if he had just the funniest thing you’d ever heard, “Oh! Don’t be silly, Peter’s at home!”
Peter’s eyebrows furrowed. He doesn’t think he’d ever heard you use the word “silly” unironically in his entire 3 years of dating you. Anyway. That wasn’t the point. Peter only hesitated for a second before continuing, if the roles were reversed, he knew that you’d do the exact same thing, “Hmm, right. How…silly…of me. So ba-Y/N, tell me about Peter.”
You sighed wistfully, twirling your hair as if you were in a teen rom-com before starting, "He's so pretty and oh my god, you should see his abs. You could wash your clothes on them, I'm telling you. Washboard. And he's so smart and kind and fuck...the way he fucks-"
Peter choked a little, wide-eyed, sneaking a quick glance at you as he swerved into the parking lot of the pharmacy before interrupting, cheeks red as he said, "I-uhh-listen, I've got to go in and grab some medicine for you so I'm going to need you to be very responsible, ok? Can you do that?"
You scoffed, offended, "I am the most super very much responsible person in this car, sir, and for your information, I'll have you know, that I am very responsible."
Peter let out a small giggle at your antics before nodding, slowly bringing out your phone from his pocket before begrudgingly handing it over, watching you squeal like a child as you gripped it to your chest, "Call me if you need anything and please, Y/N, for the love of god, don't post anything or text anyone."
Y/N Stark's FanClub 🤩
10 members . Private Chat
11:52 am . May 7th
Y/N: HLEP SOS RED
Jason: ...
Betty: Y/N WHAT HAPPENED??
Y/N: I'ev been kidnpaped 😧
Cindy: And the kidnapper didn't take your phone? Kind of a stupid kidnapper if you ask me
Betty: CINDY- OMG
Sally: HUH 😧
Y/N: He's hot tho...so it's fine ig BUT STILL >:( how dare he
Flash: Idk what you're talking about hun, I didn't kidnap you
Y/N: Shut your ulgy ass up
Jason: BAHAHAHBDAJBDJKSFBK
Sally: pFFTTT-
Betty: Is no one else concerned? :,)
MJ: Peter took her to get her wisdom teeth removed, she's fine.
Cindy: high y/n 😧
Charles: Why tf are there so many 😧😧😧
Charles: Y/N IS KIDNAPPED?? OUR QUEEN-
Charles: oh :) nm
Jason: nonono cindy it's more like
Jason: high y/n 😈
Y/N: yes jason hehe 😈
Ned: @peterparker @peterparker @peterparker
Ned: bro come collect your girlfriend
Y/N: hey! pter doesn't own me >:( i'm an indepnedant woman
Sally: yeah ned wtf
Sally: sexist
Cindy: that's so digusting
Betty: you think women belong to men 🤨
Ned: skfjnskjfednsjkefnskefns 😭😭😭 ?!?!?!?!
༶ Y/N STARK has started a group call for Y/N Stark's FanClub 🤩 ༶
Blinking a bit deliriously as familiar faces of your friends popped up on your screen, you giggled in glee at their appearance as you struggled to smile through your puffy cheeks and bloody cotton pads.
Propping your phone up on the dashboard with some struggle as you folded back, your eyes widened over the chaos of questions erupting from the speakers as you caught a glance of your kidnapper returning.
Based on his stern glare as he checked his phone and then back up at you, you panickedly gargled, "Guys! Oh no oh no oh no- he's coming back!"
Sally, still in her pajamas yet more alert than half the rest of the group call attendees, pitched in, "Hide? I-"
You stared at her in confusion as you looked around at the limited hiding spaces big enough to fit your uncoordinated body in the car.
"What?", Jason snorted, "No- Y/N, Y/N, hear me out...seduce him."
Your face of disgust made him burst out into laughter as Betty played along, no longer concerned, "Tell him your dad's Iron Man!!"
Jason who'd finally caught his breath wheezed, "I still think my idea is the best-"
You'd just let out a noise of distress at the thought of flirting with someone other than your boyfriend when the door to the driver's seat swung open.
Wincing as the handsome man sat down, you made panicked side-eyes at the screen as you murmured out a small, "Hello, not-my-boyfriend Peter."
Watching him roll his eyes, he peeked his head into the view of your camera as he gave a small wave at your friends. All them chorusing their greetings as he turned and huffed at you, "What was the one thing I said not to do when I left you with your phone?"
"Well...technically it was two things-", your murmured as you withered in your seat, bringing your palms to your face as you heard laughter echo from the screen.
"I don't think you guys see the opportunity in front of us right now", Flash grinned, "This is basically Y/N on truth serum."
The mischievous glance Flash gave you made Peter sigh in defeat as he pulled out of the parking lot, knowing a lost battle when he saw one. There was no going to make you cut the call now as you squealed forward, taking the phone into your hands and giggling, "Like truth or dare!"
"Ok Y/N...I'll ask first...", Flash began, Peter's forearms going up in goosebumps as he heard noises of wariness erupt from the screen. This was going to be interesting.
"Are you actually in love with Peter?"
The smirk MJ gave at your bewildered expression made Peter let out a snort of laughter, Flash's endless pursuit to get a chance with his girlfriend nothing less than amusing.
You sighed wistfully, smiling like a disney princess as you looked off out the window, "He's like a shot of espresso, like...being bathed in sunlight. He's incredibly energetic and enthusiastic, and has this sense of… play and fun when you're alone with him, which was incredibly exciting."
You faced the phone again, "He's so- smart and sweet and caring. Like a prince. Extremely charming, especially when he's nervous. And there's thing he does when he's trying to pretend he's annoyed at me as he fights off a smile like- like he just scrunches his nose and it's so...he's so cute, I just want to pinch his cheeks and suck his dick, you know?"
You leaned in close to the camera ignoring the embarrassment of Flash's face and the giggles from everyone else as you whispered, as if indulging them in on a secret, "He's also amazing in bed. Like there's this thing he did with his tongue last night and-
Peter's hand had never moved faster as it slapped across your mouth to keep you shut, his ears burning red as he let out a cough, "Aaand that will be the end of that, say bye to them, we're almost at the compound."
The hoots and hollers from your phone made him groan, knowing he'd never hear the end of it as Charles brokenly said in between tears of laughter, "S-simp."
༶•┈┈୨POST OFFICE୧┈┈•༶
ꕥ SEND LETTER
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ MAILBOX ༶
༶•┈┈୨PETER PARKER'S MAILBOX୧┈┈•༶
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yay your writing for peter now?? can u do a rly fluffy blurb w peter and reader pleasee
peter parker x reader (established relationship)
like all my peter fics this takes place before nwh (i simply cannot live without may)
ty for the request!
✧・゚: ✧・゚:✧・゚: ✧・゚:
"Right," says May, kicking her feet up and switching the channel to a reality show. "I ordered, so you kids are on dishes."
You and Peter groan as you gather the empty takeout containers, depositing them on the kitchen bench. Peter's hand brushes against your back as he moves past you to fill the sink with soapy water.
Bringing the empty glasses over to him, you quickly reach in and splash some of the bubbles at him.
"Awh, Y/N!" he rolls his eyes, trying to hide the chuckle on his lips. "You got me all wet!" he steps away from the sink and gestures at his sweater, dotted with droplets of water.
You smirk at the innuendo, wiggling your eyebrows at him as he blushes painfully, checking to see if May is listening. She's completely zoned in on the TV so he flicks your shoulder gently.
"Shut up!" he hisses as you giggle.
You grab a dish towel from the hook and begin drying the clean water glasses he's rested on the drying rack. You dry much quicker than he washes and while you wait you twist the dish towel, bringing it up to quickly whip at his butt.
"Oi, Y/N!" he whines. "May!" he calls out. "Y/N's bullying me again."
"Well done Y/N," May calls back distractedly.
Peter grumbles something about the girls ganging up on him as you pick up the last glass. It's when you've turned your back, placing the glass into the cupboard that you hear him say,
"You know, this is what it'll be like doing the dishes when we're married."
You close the cupboard, turning to him slowly.
"When we what?"
Peter's mouth opens and closes like a goldfish as he realises he said it out loud.
"No I just mean- like- you know- if..."
May stands up from the couch, leaning against the wall as she watches her nephew struggle.
"Y'know, if you wanted to? Like obviously I want to, but we don't have to unless you want to, and obviously, in the future, but I know I'd really like to-" he rambles on, tips of his ears blushing redder with each passing second.
May snorts, shaking her head as she turns back to the TV.
You pad back over to Peter, placing a hand over his soapy one to shut him up. You place a smacking kiss on his burning cheek as if to say yeah of course you idiot. And the grin he gives you makes it all worth it.
He's just so fun to wind up sometimes.
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tysm for reading! comments, reblogs and feedback are always appreciated <3
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