#personal introspection

[b0kunoanime]

I don’t see a lot of posts discussing adapting to being disabled, dealing with the internalized shame and ableism that you have to process as others have to do things for you.

I wish I had a guidebook to “You’re slowly becoming more and more disabled as you get older but still in the age people think you should be able to do things for yourself, here’s how to adjust!”

#personal introspection #disability #actually disabled #ehlers danlos syndrome

[luciehercndale]

Emotional hyperarousal?

I thought I was too sensitive when I got intense (read: mostly angry and sad) reactions to people criticizing things I like or rejecting them as if they didn't exist. And when I say intense, I mean thinking about that for hours on end, thinking about a way to confront others. Ending up not doing it because eventually, no one cares. I am an adult, I should be able to manage my emotions! Then I found out it might be emotional hyperarousal?

I've never been able to control my emotions. I think, get very intense about it, and I try to keep it inside myself because "dude, you can't get an opinion influence you that much!" I'm a little ashamed of this, of being intense to the point of looking immature.

I remember when I was younger (as in mandatory school). I used to get angry at everyone who pissed me off because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. This resulted in being rejected a lot by people (and hated), and this is also something sensitive to me. Why couldn't I manage these emotions better? Why no one noticed and helped me? And this is also connected to emotional sensitivity and rejection sensitivity.

I am glad that I'm able to interpret these things now, but I wish I knew it sooner. I've lived most of my life being called "too much" or "exaggerated" or being belittled for my emotional reactions to how other people treated me like shit or how I reacted to a lot of these things. I wish I knew how to emotionally regulate better now, because that's one of the reasons I feel so burned out lately. I can't manage my emotions properly and I wish I did.

#Tweety.txt #emotional rejection #emotional hyperarousal #emotionally sensitive #personal introspection #if you know more please interact with this post

[nocturnalsleuth]

.

#is it undiagnosed autism or is it addictive tendencies #personal introspection

[ladyjune]

Listen, maybe it is the period piece/period accurate lover in me, but Colin saying he misses Penelope is making me feral actually. Like in a time when men and women weren’t allowed to speak unless in a formal setting or chaperoned; He is writing a woman not related to him, missing her, and he is like you know what I am not going to wonder why that is at all

#Colin sweetie time for some introspection #My fave moment in the friends to lovers trope #or really anything to lovers trope #is the ‘oh?’ moment #when they realize what their feelings for that person actually mean #and I know it is going to hit Colin like a ton of bricks 😂 #also Penelope calling him Mr Bridgerton ate 👏🏼 #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #polin #bridgerton

[bibuck-saved-me]

it’s a selfish thought and arthur knows it because merlin has spent so much time hiding a vital part of his existence, his very being, all because of arthur. so he presses it down into the deepest recesses of himself and focuses on doing everything he can to support merlin, to give merlin the world he deserves. a world where he is free.

but sometimes, when he’s alone in his room surrounded by his endless responsibilities, he will think to himself, i am nothing.

merlin and the old religion hold him as this once and future king, but no matter what they say, he can’t understand why they think any of this is about him. it was never him. everything he’d done, every accomplishment and fight he’d won had never been his to claim. he was a fraud. he was a lonely king with nothing to his name beyond the blood on his hands, the blood staining his every crevice.

he isn’t the once and future king. he doesn’t deserve any of the praise. he is the moon, a piece of rock in the sky that shines only because of the sun. without the sun, the moon is worthless. without the sun, no one would have ever looked at the moon twice.

arthur had never been proud of his mistakes and his inaction when it came to his father’s slaughter, but he had been proud of the things he had done to keep his kingdom and his people safe and healthy and happy. he has fought and fought and fought only to discover he had never even landed a punch. every knockout, every victory he had held up to hide the ugly nothingness of his true, empty self was never his to hold. with the discovery of merlin’s magic, any worthiness he thought he’d earned had slipped through his fingers like sand through a sieve.

merlin is beautiful and powerful. merlin is a god amongst men, a gift given to this world, given to arthur, and for what?

this prophecy for arthur was always about merlin. he carried the weight, he fought and fought and fought and he won, merlin was the one who had carried this kingdom on his back until they reached the safety of the golden era of the current day.

it’s a selfish thought, to be thinking of himself in relation to merlin’s magic when merlin has suffered every single day because of arthur. and yet, in those moments, he can’t help but wonder why he was born at all, why he was named savior of a group of people who would’ve never died if only he had stayed unmade, a whisper of nothingness in his mother’s womb.

his first breath caused a massacre, a genocide, and yet he was given an angel and a title and a prophecy of greatness he could never actually fulfill.

he would never tell merlin about these thoughts he had. merlin would end up feeling guilty somehow, would carry the weight of arthur’s worthlessness even more by taking on the deserved revulsion arthur had for himself.

no, he couldn’t tell merlin about this. merlin would tell him he was wrong, would try to talk him up and fix it. would use that endless kindness to tell arthur endless stories about his own importance. merlin would shine his sunshine on arthur until arthur forgot he was just a lump of rock. he wouldn’t rest until arthur loved himself, until arthur took all the credit for merlin’s own accomplishments again.

no, he would keep this to himself. he would give merlin the attention and love he deserves. this story isn’t actually about arthur pendragon. it never was.

#idk what this is #anyway #sorry #me? projecting? never #also to clarify uh this is obviously not how i feel personally about arthur!! #i love that man i just wanted to explore how the insecurities we see him have in the show would look post magic reveal #merlin #arthur pendragon #bbc merlin #bbc arthur #merthur #it’s hinted at more than anything though #character study #character introspection #might delete later #ficlet #angst

[omaano]

"I've grown these for you."

My first entry for the @rexobibingo - because what is a Gardener/Gardening about if not making leafy things grow out of love? (You can, of course, grow your leafy things out of spite too, I guess, that's always a very fair motivation if you ask me)

Keeping to good old habits from my previous bingo experience, please allow me to wholeheartedly and very passionately recommend @dharmaavocado's fic that has been on my mind throughout the whole time while I was working on this drawing We Who Love Our Hands in Dirt which was likely the first fic that has sold me on this ship, and Hanahaki as allergies will never stop being fascinating to me as a concept *w*

#rexobi #obirex #rexobi bingo #rex x obi wan #my art #captain rex #obi wan kenobi #star wars fanart #tcw fanart #artists on tumblr #digital art #fanart #I haven't drawn flowers like this in a bit I was starting to feel bad about it #please make sure to check out dharma's fic if you haven't yet once AO3 is back in business again #Thank you everyone in the discord server for helping me with the colour picking! #if only my rl allergies could be cured by the simple method of a bit of introspection and *shudders* admittance of feelings #fuck allergy season it is only entertaining when it's happening in space #look at me showing up with personal art that isn't the Hades AU XD

[volitioncheck]

does near every single post-canon DE fic out there need to be tagged ‘Sober Harry Du Bois’? i’m getting so tired of it.

do i expect every single piece of fan content to have to fully delve into the often-depressing always-complex topic of addiction? not really. sometimes you just want to write/read a silly fluffy romance one-shot, whatever. i get it. but i think my issue is specifically with the fact that for nearly every sillyfluffy au out there, there almost must be a ‘sober harry du bois’ tag. and it does feel very slapped-on more often than not.

i think to me it is an unconscious statement that nothing *good* can ever happen to harry du bois until he is completely and permanently sober. before solving the next big case, he has to be sober. before quitting the force, he has to be sober. before falling in love with kim, he has to be sober. before accomplishing anything, starting any sort of recovery, making any life improvement, he must first be sober.

sobriety as a goal, as a journey, and honestly as a concept in of itself is not as cut and dry as so many people think it is. and i think it would serve a lot of people well if they did some introspection on the implications of how nearly every single post-canon fic that isn’t dealing directly with harry’s addiction have him as completely sober instead.

if the plot of the fic isn’t going to touch directly on harry’s substance use (and again, i’m not demanding that every single fic should), why does that mean that sober!harry must be the default?

i think i am just tired of reading a casefic, a smutty one-shot, a fantasy au, whatever, where it almost seems that before getting on with the plot, the author feels obligated to first assure us that the harry we’re reading about is a Sober Harry. it’s established with a couple lines in the exposition, probably about his improved appearance, a tag up top, and then never brought up again; a checkmarked box. like the societal image of An Addict has completely prevented people from being able to imagine a person just, continuing to live life, while still struggling with addiction.

life happens, with all of its backslides and achievements, mundanity and changes, to people with drug addictions just as much as people who don’t. is a post-canon harry who isn’t sober not worth writing about?

i think so. i think the game we all played thinks so too. in fact i think that sentiment is woven into the game’s very core. i just wish i saw that reflected in our fan content more.

#i really hope my point is understandable in that it isn’t that i think that stories where harry *does* become sober aren’t also valuable. #or that i want every post-canon harry to *not* be sober. #but rather questioning why there seems to be a subconcious necessity for harry to be sober to have kind things happen to him. #disco elysium #harry du bois #also obligatory because i am putting this in the main tag: #this isn’t a callout or vague on any one person/creator/group of people in particular #it’s more of a prompt to discussion on a very broad trend #one informed by insidious biases that live in all of us because we live in a society etc #that none of us are immune to but all of us have a responsibility to acknowledge #if there is goal to this post it’s to provoke introspection. not individual attacks #anyways i love quietly consuming fan content until something annoys me enough to make my own post about it #i do wish i Participated in fan communities more tbh especially this one i’m just shy lol #most of the time. #me talking

[metamatar]

only message I have for my child self is that obedience will not save you or protect you in any way it will plant rot inside you that will tear away at anything good you might have had inside you, that the only way you can sustain joy in the world which you don't care for yet in its fullness is to reject it in every one that demands it without question. yeah I know you hate me for giving up on the straight and narrow.

#okay personal introspection quota over for the next six months

[ao3-shenanigans]

I think this is often for a few reasons

- it leaves a lot less room for characterization errors (if thats something readers care about, which sometimes they don’t mind)

- most shows and visual media is naturally done in third person so to read fan works for that media in first is unusual

- most fan works are done in third person and so it’s sort of seen as a default where as books have a full mix

For clarification

1st person: I sat in the chair and looked over to the window. “What’s Jon doing here?” I asked.

2nd person: You sat in the chair and look over to the window. “What’s Jon doing here?” You asked.

3rd person: She sat in the chair and looked over to the window. “What’s Jon doing here?” She asked.

Which works together with Past, Present, and Future tenses too. They aren’t the same things, but they do go together.

Past (3rd): Jon pulled out a chair and sat down.

Present (3rd): Jon pulls out a chair and sits down.

Future (3rd): Jon will pull out a chair and sit down.

#I think this is so interesting #first vs third person #my sister prefers first person for books actually #which I can respect #it’s better for introspection in books #vs action #sometimes at least when done well #anyways #ao3 #archive of our own #fanfiction #English language #writing

[inkfamy]

I do really enjoy the fanon of gestalt bonds, but also I'm super into the idea of a combiner gestalt basically just being drift compatible because imagine that there's a handful of guys that are so tuned into your very being, so similar and complimentary to you that you can literally merge together, and those guys are Brawl, Vortex and Swindle

#onslaught having some serious damaging personal introspection #combaticons #maccadam #i just think onslaught should always be having the worst time ever

[heartofmuse]

There is nothing worse than feeling inadequate, yes, not even feeling hated. I can live with a person's hatred because it is outside of me, I have no control over it, but feeling inadequate is based in me, in the fact that I want so much to give, that I care, that I need to make this work. The fact I can't or people telling you, you don't cut it, your best is not enough, that you have been measured and found lacking. This really fucks me up. I know I have deeply rooted issues because the people I have loved most in life have always made me feel like this and told me in no uncertain terms what they thought. I give and I give, I try and I try but its never enough or good enough. I've felt inadequate all my life...not good enough a daughter, not a good enough a wife, which is why I am not married anymore, not a good enough sister, not a good enough mother. I don't really know if it is them or the really high bar I set for myself, the damn perfeccionist in me taking over. All I know is it hurts, it makes me cry, and it makes me want to run.

e.v.e.

#my thoughts #personal #journaling #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #writers of tumblr #poets of tumblr #introspection #inadequate #not enough

[confused-stars]

i need to actually remember for my writing that my main hc for why Childe is Like That is that he saw something real and true just once in his life and has been chasing that high ever since despite it being a massively traumatizing experience

kind of like a very weird Lovecraft protagonist

#genshin #childe #there's like a dozen other points of reference i need to get his character even remotely right though #there's also the fact that he seems to have thrown himself into fighting the whale with no hesitation #which. how does he feel about it really. outside of it trying to eat fontaine/the world #how does he personally feel about his connection to the whale. does he love it? is he afraid of it? does he /know/? (probably not) #i also don't think he's that introspective. he's just moving forward and not figuring his shit out #no i can't start writing childe meta again it's past midnight nothing coherent happens at this time

[biscuityskies]

He’s thought about it, you see.

Cody taps his stylus incessantly against his datapad, barely registering the steady noises it makes. Mostly, he’s just looking for something for his hands to do.

Because he’s thought about it.

Here’s the current plan - as described in version 13.1. Step one: he and Obi-Wan both survive the war. Step two: they find a quiet place to live. Maybe they build it. Maybe it’s by a lake. Who’s really to say. That part’s not important. Step three - and this one’s the big one: they settle down.

For @dontbelasagnax, for putting up with my shenanigans and also to prove I’m still a fluff truther (and for me, to prove I can still write)

#dani writes #codywan #it’s rather an introspective piece I suppose #but it did pass peer review from lasagna herself #a point of pride for me personally

[pratchettquotes]

Gaspode, tears pouring down his face, gave Death an apologetic grin.

"Pathetic, isn't it?" he said hoarsely.

I WOULDN'T KNOW. I'VE NEVER BEEN THAT MUCH OF A DOG PERSON, said Death.

"Oh? Come to that, I've never liked the idea of dyin'," said Gaspode. "We are dyin', ain't we?"

YES.

"Not surprised, really. Story of my life, dyin'," said Gaspode.

Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

#gaspode #DEATH #laddie the wonder dog #moving pictures #discworld #terry pratchett #dogs #afterlife #near death experience #life #meaning of life #introspection #no surprises #dog person #story of my life

[kssystuff]

I love liking the things I like

The way I am, the way I feel

With depth, intensity, and sincerity

Even if sometimes people don't notice, or don't care

Even if sometimes I don't understand myself, or find myself too complicated

I know I mean no harm, I know I still try for me

So, I still love the way I am, even if sometimes I hate it.

#writers on tumblr #literature #prose #quotes #thoughts #creative writing #writeblr #self care #self love #personal growth #introspection #mindfulness #inner peace #authenticity #positivity #mental health #inspiration #words #writing #deep thoughts #personal expression

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #persona 4 #p4g #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #shirogane naoto #naoto shirogane #YELLLLING i love this because there's layers to it ok #first of all yosuke of all people telling people that they have a tin ear for others' feelings means so much to me because #on the one hand there's the irony of someone who tends to shoot his mouth off and easily maybe accidentally offend people pointing that out #but also remember how yosuke tends to be very introspective on the things he says? how he comes back to apologise the next day or so #because he reflects on himself!! he knows he's not the greatest at talking but he tries his best!! #and that's the second layer to it because the contradiction of yosuke's foot-in-mouth disease is also how sensitive he is to other people #yosuke apologising to chie because he's realised that he's terrified her with his actions when he first drags yu into the tv #yosuke wanting to apologise to nanako for bringing up her deceased mother because he thinks he's made her uncomfortable #yosuke being the one that brings up how naoto must feel as he's settling in into the school! his boundless empathy!! #and i think actually it does make him the perfect person to talk to naoto about it especially because in this investigation #they really represent the dual sides of the work. yosuke is driven by his need to get justice and his very emotional cause #naoto is driven (at first) by profession and the cooler calculus of rationality and logic (until his pride was provoked at least) #idk i think that before naoto yosuke was really the one driving the team's investigation and analysis #and after naoto joined them it just. rounds out his effort significantly #so that's my third layer yeah them talking behind the scenes is so important to me #yosuke reaching out to naoto to discuss the case because he's got all these notes that he can't make sense of #naoto reaching out to yosuke to discuss the case because he can tell which one of the IT is idk essentially the project manager #don't get me wrong yu leads the team and everyone does their part in the team as well #but yosuke man. yosuke. the right hand man. the ideas guy. the one trying to form hypotheses about their evidence. #and idk i feel like yosuke probably commented that in a sort of throwaway manner as they're reviewing clues because he tends to do that #kanji's “didn't you tell me there were all kinds of love” or the beach scene and LISTEN maybe yosuke drops a lil philosophy sometimes. #maybe he drops a lil life advice like nbd. yosuke says very observant or wise things at times!