#persona i've created is very very different from who i actually am and obviously that's always going to be true to a certain extent

[onaperduamedee]

Notes on The Shadow Rising

Full spoilers for The Shadow Rising under the cut

The beginning is so striking, with chilling use of Min’s viewing, as a way to set up a threat that could unfold at any moment. The brutality of her visions, superimposed with the mundanity of life in the Tower, reminds me of Rand’s unsettling “flicker flicker” vision. It’s a shame the book doesn’t make full use of the suspense born in that initial chapter later on, because, to me, it is by far the strongest opening up to that point.

I am still absolutely baffled by the EF5 and Min's reaction to Siuan or Moiraine being actually quite straightforward with what they intend to do with Rand, meaning keeping him from killing himself before the Last Battle because he's both extremely powerful and vulnerable: their takeaway is always that Siuan and Moiraine want to control him rather than “Rand is in unimaginable danger both from the dark side and himself, and the only people who could maybe teach him and prevent him from going mad could destroy him - and if he fails or dies, you all are screwed.”

The story itself lays it down quite neatly, I think, but to live the story through the eyes of characters who cannot toss out the blinders in this particular area can be frustrating. Of course, it’s most likely caused by Rand’s ta’veren gravitational pull and Min’s feelings for him, but other characters have the same attitude toward the whole “What to do when there is a Dragon Reborn in your midst?” conundrum. 

"bubble of evil" is a silly name for a pretty cool concept. It's like magic entropy and it will obviously translate to bloody amazing scenes in the show. 

And the award for coolest character description ever goes to Robert Jordan for “[Moiraine] bore down on Rand like a silent, silken avalanche, icy and inexorable.”

Light, Elayne, Egwene and Nynaeve discussing Rand and Berelain like they are 14 and Rand is a puppy that can be trained and adopted by one or the other... Hey, it's messed up when Moiraine does it with Lan's bond, it's not better when Elayne does it because she's in love. And the slut-shaming of Berelain is all the more grating that the girls are shocked but perfectly able to respect the concept of sister-wife with the Aiel. It's beyond preposterous. At least, Moiraine is there to remind them people have different cultures. 

I've misjudged Thom. Just because he's linked to the parts I've found most tedious in TEotW doesn't mean he is. I've been enjoying his sly fox drama-creating persona quite a lot lately. He's very protective of the kids and genre-savvy which is always a win for me. And his show-down with Moiraine had me holding my breath the entire time. I love that he’s the one getting people assassinated and she still comes off as more terrifying. 

The Trolloc attack was truly blood-pumping. As a non-native speaker, I find Robert Jordan’s descriptions of fighting highly confusing, but deliciously dynamic. The pressure for the show to deliver on those scenes, in particular, must be immense.

Rand trying to revive the little girl will haunt me. I need to draw it, but it is so stark and brutal, I don’t know how to.

Feeling so angry on behalf of Berelain again. Every time she shows up, she gets comments on her appearance and behavior, from men and women alike. And their reaction is so violent, it's absolutely unhinged and unjustified. Faile deserved to land on her ass.

Before the twisted doorway, the book is strikingly similar to TGH. Everyone cooped up in a fortress. Darkfriends held and interrogated being freed during a sudden attack. Rand refusing to make a decision until circumstances force him to. Everyone loathes Moiraine. Magic object the Dark One tries to take. Another hunt after Dark Friends is launched.

Adored the venture into the twisted ter'angreal. I loved the manic energy of the Finn and I guffawed when they just picked Mat up and hurled him across the doorway. The fact that Mat, Rand and Moiraine then proceeded to have a very awkward post-ter'angreal walk of shame, none of them willing to share what they had experienced although extremely curious about what happened for the others was perfect. I do wonder why Moiraine seemed to have experienced it as something more than confusing and almost painful.

Mat gradual mastery of Old Tongue is just *chef’s kiss*.

I don't enjoy any of the romantic relationships so far. I won't go into details about the pairings because one's appreciation of romantic dynamics is highly subjective, but Min and Rand might be the only mostly palatable canon relationship for me.

Rand and the Highlords summon in the Stone was gripping. He has good intentions, lowering taxes and trying to quell inequality, but yeah, he is already showing signs of madness and tyranny. He knows it, he's still fighting, but he cannot do everything at once, be a ruler, a prophet and a sane man. His struggle to do the right thing is well done and Rand has hands-down become my favourite of the EF boys as a consequence.

Siuan is as always demonstrating why she was the head of the spy network by expertly handling Min dropping in unannounced. Did I mention her mind is the hottest thing ever? She’s the M, she’s the Q, she’s the indisputable James Bond of this party.

Everything from the moment the EF5 got separated was highly entertaining: Nyn, Elayne and Thom with the Sea Folk; Rand, Egwene, Moiraine and Mat with the Aiel; Perrin, Faile and Loial in the Two Rivers. Robert Jordan is masterful at building tension and suspense in preparation for game-changers too, even if it drags a little at times.

I lied earlier, the Sea Folk are the hottest.

So the Sea Folk have a prophecy about the Dragon destroying the White Tower and the Aiel about him destroying the Aiel… Interesting. I wonder if the Aes Sedai all knew this.

Everything about Rhuidean. The aura of mystery and age surrounding it. The danger and unpredictability. The bloody ter’angreal graveyard. The beauty of it all. The intense journey back in time to understand the Aiel. The culmination in the utter horror that was the Breaking of the World, as men would annihilate everything in fits of madness. The Aes Sedai planning to hide as many weapons of mass destruction as possible to save what was left of humanity.

Bloody. Hell.

Robert Jordan has the most photographic approach to fantasy I have ever seen.

I haven’t mentioned Mat yet but he is a very dynamic character now, arguably the most in the main cast, and immensely enjoyable as a consequence, whatever he does. With major changes happening so quickly to both Perrin and Rand, while Mat was on pause for most of the early books, I wonder how the changes will spread in the future, for all of them.

Verin explaining ta'veren was perfect... Fascinating that the boys have been obsessed with being manipulated when they are the most likely to control others, although unwillingly.

Respect to Alanna and Verin for sticking with Perrin in the Two Rivers out of curiosity because this is Helm's Deep all over again.

It would be so much easier to take the characters' wariness of Aes Sedai seriously if every sentence they uttered did not sound like it came straight out of the mouth of a 16th c. priest terrified of those tainted and treacherous women. Because that's exactly what it reminds me of.

I would be a hundred percent on their side if Aes Sedai actually held any power in society, like a mirror to patriarchy. But despised and othered as they are, they don't really. It's utterly bizarre because they also can be relevant criticism of old institutions like administrations and academia, peopled by people who can be both intentionally and unintentionally nefarious, but, man, the reverse patriarchy angle is so wrapped in misogyny, external and internal.

Siuan… Siuan… Mille millions de mille milliards de mille sabords de tonnerre de Brest. Min warned us and I was still not prepared. Seeing the chapter’s title, I was so nervous and almost didn’t want to read it. I cannot believe this chapter happened to Siuan. I was shaking,  bloody hell. To her credit, I feel she would have succeeded in turning the White Tower into Rand’s ally had Elaida not burnt with so much hatred for Siuan. The way Siuan’s first thought after she was taken was for Leane, the way she picked herself up and started planning immediately after she was freed… I cannot express how much I admire and love her. 

The way her anger is also something that feels so validating and personal, a kind of rage on behalf of herself that comes from being violated and discarded so casually. And her drive and poise after that, her refusal to stop despite losing everything, her partnering with Logain - reader, I screamed. The only way this could have been greater is if the coup, trial, stilling, imprisonment and escape had spanned across two or three chapters. As it is and in the middle of lengthy Rand and Perrin chapters, it felt like a speedrun. 

However proud I am of Min for freeing Leane and Siuan, Min reflecting, just after seeing Siuan at her lowest, that she preferred her when she was meeker? Unwarranted and cruel. The lack of compassion for Aes Sedai in general can be so jarring.

Although her presence was more muted than in the last book, Moiraine’s journey was as beautifully heartbreaking as Rand’s, especially given all the parallels between the two - Rhuidean unveiling the bond existing between Cairhien and the Aiel, I see what you are doing Master Jordan. There is a quiet despair to her every interaction, particularly with Rand, that is growing urgent: she is failing to reach out to him, despite being utterly dedicated to him. I’m generally wary of attributing a familial reading to older women and younger characters as it’s often flattening the layers of identities and relationships for women, but, you know, I got major mother-son vibes from these two. To me, the reading is incomplete as it fails to factor Moiraine’s prime role as a failed mentor who settled for shield, but the emotions are there and hitting a very specific spot. Despite her hopelessness and refusal to compromise for him, her belief in Rand is devastating. Her speech to him about people fighting for him, with him, without his knowledge was my favourite of the book and made me deeply emotional.

The thing with Moiraine is that she is so isolated and incomprehensible to others - the multiple occurrences when characters question whether she is human and have feelings - that when she just accepts to walk to her death into Rhuidean like that, it almost feels like peace at last for her. Stalwart indomitable guilt-ridden little soul she is.   

Still extremely disappointed we got so little of Egwene and Moiraine with the Wise Ones: some incredible intercultural (gay) exchanges and channeling were happening and we saw next to nothing of it. I am obsessed with Egwene meeting Amys in the Dream World at gunpoint and recreating “the old man yells at cloud” meme, except it’s a Wise One yelling at flying Egwene.

On Egwene, she is so fearless and determined to learn, often going in blind to help the people she loves. She has self-possession and drive in spades, with distinctive earnestness and sharpness. I love her so and had I read these books as a teen I know I would have imprinted on her quite ferociously.

Brigitte hanging out in tel'aran'rhiod was unexpected but welcome… What a delightful and helpful NPC to encounter in this hellscape.

Mandatory “I hate that the EF5 come off as incredibly thick so often”. Nyn and Elayne managed to get fooled by both a Seanchan and a Forsaken and only got away because, nah, that's fine, they don't have nefarious intent toward them yet.

Holy mackerel, just when I was getting frustrated with Nynaeve and Elayne twiddling their thumbs in Tanchico, they actually pull the most badass coolest heist of the entire series so far, doing their recon through dreaming, staging a riot as a diversion and enrolling a seanchan of all people. The confrontation between Nynaeve and Moghedien was bloody epic - and an excellent argument for the show making weaves visible to all.

I love when Nynaeve is in prep mode. It's so much fun. I know she thinks Siuan desperate to pick them for this mission, but Nynaeve is exactly the asset she needed. Given how Siuan and Moiraine got into this search, rather inexperienced and with nothing but determination on their back, obviously the girls are ideal for this mission: Egwene certainly has Siuan's sharpness and Nynaeve Moiraine's stubbornness.

Paired with the number of times Elayne reflects that she would be a good monarch instead of those terrible monarchs, the easiness with which she forgot Egwene was enslaved and tortured by Seanchan is interesting. She’s still so young and her upbringing is that of royalty, so it is in-character at least.

I KNEW ONE OF THE PEDDLERS OR MORE HAD TO BE A FORSAKEN. I KNEW IT. Very well-done.

Between Slayer, Moghedien and Asmodean, the book does a great job showing the escalation in threats for Rand and his allies. The world is now crawling with powerful channelers who are matches for Rand, especially so early in his learning. Also, Moghedien is exactly the kind of gal I could ruin my life for - and so could Nynaeve.

Joking aside, Moghedien was the first time I got the sense the Forsaken could be truly terrifying. Compelling is scary. Lanfear is flirting too often with the unstable ex archetype and the men are mostly irrelevant. Now, I am quite excited about the Asmodean and Rand combo.

Rand's plan to trick the Forsaken into following him and trap one to teach him how to use saidin is a genuinely smart move: he cannot change who he is, it’s time he sees it as a gift and learns to use it. Combined with Rand devouring books to understand himself and the world around him, there is a strong undercurrent of “knowledge is power” that compels me immensely. As Moiraine would say, “the power inside you is the smallest part of your strength. It’s your mind and how you use it that will mean much more in the battles to come.”

The less good: I am having such a hard time with the romances: they rely heavily on the premise men and women are two different species and that any equilibrium between them will be reached through a balance in power rather than understanding (or just plain acknowledgment people are just people). The characters are constantly depicted as elaborating strategies to overpower or submit to the opposite gender in order to handle them (the Two Rivers folk counseling Perrin and Faile are particularly egregious). It's plain gender essentialism and frankly tiring to encounter every four paragraphs. The characters end up being at their worst when they talk to or think about their love interest and it's not even entertaining.

(That said, Perrin's letter to Faile was stunning, and I got misty-eyed, ngl.)

The middle ground: The Two Rivers and Aiel plotlines… I am conflicted. On one hand, they were really enjoyable. I love, love when fantasy is closer to anthropology than it is to fiction and it gave me exactly that level of detail. It’s just vibes and overall great character development for Perrin and Rand, with a blend of political and personal stakes. On the other, both arcs would have benefited from being pruned, for the sake of balance and pacing. Just like with TGH, you get great swaths of chapters focusing on two characters and cultures, and then just one chapter on other players and places. It's all the more dissatisfying that what's happening at the Tower, or with the Wise Ones, or with the Sea Folk, is just as essential.

Did I spend ¾ of the Aiel Waste wondering why the hell they are all described as light-haired and -eyed although they have been living in the desert for 3000 years? I did. And then I got distracted by Moiraine having a great time nerding out with the Wise Ones and riding up close with one in the distance.

The great: The books have now settled into what I was expecting: multiple character threads, extensive and beautiful worldbuilding, complex character dynamics. I’ve begun to look forward to the slow start, middle shenanigans and bombastic finale. The psychology of certain characters - Rand, Egwene, Moiraine in particular - is building up to something quite delicious and explosive, even if I cannot quite tell what yet. Many of the reveals (Rand’s stunt in the Stone, Rhuidean, Siuan’s fate, the Forsaken in the Waste) had me blindsided and were masterfully prepared for. Overall, I did prefer The Dragon Reborn, but the highs of The Shadow Rising were higher than the ones in the last. I am really, really excited to continue.

#remblai #wot review #the wheel of time #wot book spoilers #the shadow rising #wot meta #I'm not kidding this is full spoilers #long post #beware this is very long because even when I edit stuff out I'm talkative #now I can start FoH yesssssssss

[saltjam]

My Tmnt Oc: June (aka, i wanna ramble)

So, i just realized, this is tumblr and nothing is stopping me from yelling into the void about my and how much i love her and how much i love the turtles.

Now in order to not make this post a super long wall post like the "do you like the color of the sky" post, will put the line thing to make this part small and bite sized. you can skip if you want and not read that is fine, this is mainly so i can ramble about her and all the lore i thought of her. i will be ordering this post in order of when the different series came out and i will be sticking with the main four

which are as follows: 1987, 2003, 2012, and rise

these are my main focus since i've seen each and i feel comfortable molding June to each. i haven't seen the new movie yet but i don't think she'd work, same goes for other versions like the 2014 movies and that one batman movie (i wanna watch it so fucking bad)

with that covered, the read more line

so before i start i would like to give some background on who/june is, for starters she is a robot and not an actual human. in the lore for '87, '03, and '12 she is created and referred to as the Juniper or Jupiter project (for '87) thus the name June, for Rise it's different as she is actually made as a child for a big Dragon milf and her lil nerd husband; still made in a lab but she's more organic made as she is they're baby.

another thing i would like to state is that June originally a self insert for my persona Jam (this also why the J names) but i liked her enough to make her, her own oc. as well originally she was going to be giving Mikey kisses across the bored but then i thought "well i love all of them, and there are four of em, and i'm making four versions of the oc. so no one is really gonna stope me" and this each june is with a different brother so they all can get some kisses

a constant for all June is that they are all some type of robot/cybernetic

now let's start diving into each June!

June (1987): The Big Sister

Full name: June Lynn

So June for 1987 i thought it would be cute if she was like another older sister for the turtle (Since April also takes an older sister role) so she is shipped with Leo as he is the oldest brother. seeing as i am rather young i haven't watched that much of the 1987 series but i have developed her a little bit

she would be very protective of not only leo but the others as well, when it comes to inspiration for how i would want her robot form to look, i thought a more Transformers like look would fit since they came out around the same time (i'm also just a huge fan of Transformers)

when it comes to how she met the turtles, i imagine she helped them from a few mousers.

the few images i have of her (1 drawing i did in style, a picrew i edited, the original picrew, and the link) (also two older drawings of when i first her, plus a bonus mikey of when she was with him)(oh, and some extra stuff with height charts. note i did these late at night so please don't mind the mistakes in spelling or forgetting to label things right) Also i kept messing up on the drawing so please have mercy qwq

Pbelt Witchsona｜Picrew

June (2003): The Material Girl

Full name: June Splinterdottir

Ah 2003, the year i popped out. obviously i hold this series is very close seeing as we grew up together. so when it comes to lore and development for June this version has the most meat on it's bone.

For 03 June, the turtles actually found her abandoned in an old decaying lab left there to rot and slowly die. that was until they saved her, she grew up with them seeing as she didn't have a home or family of her own. and slowly through the years she got closer to Donatello, seeing as he was the smartest of the family and she is a super charged weapon. until they ended up confessing and soon dating.

April and Casey help teach her about more humans things with Casey taking on an older brother like figure in her life and April acting as more of a teacher.

for her more robot form i though something more interesting would fit her, so her more robot form is/will be based on the xenomorphs from Alien (because i thought it would fit 2003's more gritter look)

for her drawings i actually have a good few, but she has changed through my development of her, there are a few drawings i wanna redraw and change to fit her current lore

the first few drawings are her in the lab, 1 with edits and 1 unedited, Mikey finding her (again pre-kissing donnie era), and her taking a nap while they drive her to the base, a drawing of her in the 2003 style (did my best), plus a picrew edited and unedited /w link, and some height charts.

Faelions Avatar Creator｜Picrew

June (2012): The Baby

Full Name: June Lyn

2012, the baby, the lil guys, and the one i've thought of most second to 2003. she is the youngest i think of all of the variations. now her lore is similar to 2003 except instead of being left to rot, she caused a black out in the lab she was held in and managed to escape making a fake identity for herself so now he's lived a bit in fear they'll find her and force her back.

This june in lore was made less as a weapon and more as a tool, she is power source that is greater then the sun. so she was used to power things in the lab, but she isn't defenseless as she can assimilate organic and non organic matter into her body (i.e: if she grabs a gun she can use it to make her arm a bigger gun)

when it comes to her robot form, i've decided (with the help of my friend) that i wanna use My life as a teenage robot for inspo, She also kisses mikey as i feel like he really needs someone who's on the same page as him. like they are so mean to him he is just a lil guy, he needs a hug hella bad

when it comes to art, i actually don't have too much i'm pleased with. since 2012 is 3D and i don't really wanna try my hand at 3d modelling, so trying to draw in style is not really an option so if i drew her i'll just do it in my own style. what i do have is a picrew of what i'd imagine she'd look like older and the height charts

Girl Maker｜Picrew

June (Rise): The Working Girl

Full Name: June Harper-Lyn

Rise, the series i did hella dirty and feel so bad for missing but i'm making up my crime.

now this June is a bit more unique as she actually has parents, her Father is a micro scientist and micro biologist, and her mom is a big yokai dragon (She's a kaiju, because godzilla is cool) So this June is half robot, half human and half yokai, she works with her parents in the diner they own called the "Dragon bite diner" with her mom being the main cook and her dad running as mechanic of the building. the diner itself is suppose to be an place for humans, yokais and mutant to feel safe and have a nice home cooked style meal, they cater to a variety of tastes and it's a conflicted free zone (It's helps when the owner is a huge dragon)

her robot form is more simple, as it's just a more dragon style robot, and of course she is with Raph. big man needs his kisses too, plus he just needs a break from being the eldest sibling and get cuddled up with.

sadly, i don't know what picrew i used to make her. and trust me i looked through 100 pages on picrew, so if anyone could find it that would be nice as i'm a little worried it may have been deleted. i also have a drawing of her in style plus some more simple cute doodles of her and Raph being sweet. she is the most non human looking of the bunch.

another thing just for my oc in general is that i wanted her to be like besties with another brother, since i didn't want her to be Soley around her bf. i want her to be like a legit character and not just 'girlfriend' if that makes sense.

so for 1987 who is with Leo i thought it would be cute if she was besties with Mikey, ya know oldest sibling getting along with youngest (rare i know, but still)

for 2003 she's friends with Leo, since i imagine she has a lot of stress with 1, being left abandoned, 2, knowing she was only made as a weapon and 3. her boyfriend is too busy being a nerd to cuddle. plus he's the eldest so she looks up to him

for 2012, i imagine she's friends with Raph. main reason so he would stop picking on Mikey so much, two because he would love being a bad influence on her and they'd be menaces together

and finally Rise, for her i've decided Donnie. one because he's the last and two because this June's dad is a super smart scientist and because this June is more open to the fact she's not human. so them talking tech and analytics sounds nice

but yeah, that's my oc. i love her and i love the tmnt so much, if anyone wants to know more about her feel free to ask because my brain is absolutely buzzing about tmnt and i don't wanna bother my friends about it

to those who took they're time actually reading my nonsense, thank you!!!

#salt #salts art #art #mun salt #mun talks #tmnt #tmnt oc #tmnt 1987 #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2012 #rottmnt #tmnt art #big post #i love my oc to much #ramble

[glorfindels-archive]

hi :] i'll make a proper announcement if/when i decide to go through with it, this is more of a heads up and me thinking out loud but i'm considering leaving my main account and with it my half a dozen sideblogs including this one that go with it and remaking them all as one merged multifandom colour blog. i'll definitely be keeping the url, tracking the same tag etc etc and i'll still be posting tons of tolkien and occasionally making original content, the only difference is that you're going to have to put up with other fandom content as well and my tagging system is probably going to be a little less thorough.

i'll probably make the switch sometime during this week or the next, until then i'll obviously still be around on here and try and catch up on tag games, messages etc, i don't want to leave anything 'unfinished' and after that... see you on the other side!! thanks for understanding 💚

#i didn't want to make the post too long so i'll just explain in more detains in the tags #in case anyone is interested #basically i just feel like my presence on all my accounts but especially on here and my main are incredibly performative and the #persona i've created is very very different from who i actually am and obviously that's always going to be true to a certain extent #on all social media but like with having a tolkien only blog and my main blog being b&w i don't end up rbing a lot of the stuff i like but #instead i focus on catering to other people and rbing stuff i think 'belongs' on my account so like since there isn't tons of b&w content #i'll probably rb things i'm not that into just for the sake of it but it's just not at all representative of who i am and i've grown tired #of that and i want a fresh start and to be able to do whatever the hell i want on my blog without any restrictions and to be able to #connect with people properly instead of either pretending i'm someone i'm not or being like haha yeah actually the things i post about #and the aesthetic i have going isn't even really me but just ignore that i promise i'm a cool person once you get to know me :))) #not that there's anything wrong with the b&w thing i'll probably keep my main as a sideblog because it's fun and really soothing #to scroll through lmao but i just can't express myself though it if that makes sense #and i feel like i put too much effort into appearances instead of my friendships and that's also something i want to change #i keep falling into this cycle of feeling uncomfortable/fake on here → not opening my notifications → not talking to anyone #and i end up feeling so frustrated and lonely AND FOR WHAT why do i feel like i have to please the general public before doing #stuff or talking to the people i actually care about i'm so stupid but hopefully i can get over this and do better next time #ANYWAYS i make it sound bad but i've actually loved being on here and i'll be sorry to lose my followers (not that i have that #many i'm still stuck at a little over 1k) and i'll be sure to follow everyone back straight away from my new blog i love you all 🥰🥰 #angie.txt #ps. yes i'm fully aware i take this whole thing way too seriously shut up <3

[suga-kookiemonster]

Hello!! I feel a little shy about coming out of anon for that, but I was wondering if you could give me some advice about something... I'm in a bts discord server and I find it a little hard to make online friends. I'm a little shy and very soft (and extremely perky and energetic once I'm comfortable and know someone), and I never quite know what to say... :( We have different discussions, like when we want to talk or if we want to thirst, for example. And I try to participate in conversations or to create some, but I always feel kind of useless :/ But people on this server are so close! And my mind thought that maybe it was because I came on it later, but a few days/weeks ago, someone new entered the server as well and they're the new bff! So my mind was like fuck 😅 what am I doing wrong? I've tried to be normal (aka sweet, say little things here and there to contribute, ask questions, give compliments if someone sends pictures of themselves/their art/their writing), I've thirsted when I wanted to/felt like it, I've even tried to get out of my bubble sometimes (I sent 2-3 pictures of myself as well even though it stressed me out a bit so I could show I was normal and not an old man or smth haha) but I don't feel like I really matter :// And I'm not trying to get bffs for life, don't get me wrong!! A lot of us don't use our real names! But I'd like to feel a part of an online bts community in this time of covid. I do like this server and it's full of very funny/kind people. But at the same time, lately, it has made me feel down :(( and I don't want this during this time... And I don't want to be fake either, you know? :( I thought maybe it was cause I'm reserved/shy at first, and therefore maybe a little awkward, and that maybe I needed to be more "intense" like the rest of the server, but there's this very very sweet person in the server that people love so much. So maybe it's not a matter of being sweet or intense or funny or cold... Maybe it's me? Omg I'm a mess 😅😅 Please scream at me if I'm being unreasonable or plain stupid!! I trust what you'll say and feel like maybe you'd have some good insight on the matter. If not, or if this ask makes you uncomfortable, please ignore it!! I'll continue to interact off anon anyways and to send love your way ❤❤❤

okay first of all, i just want to applaud you for putting yourself out there and being yourself. in my personal experience with mass fan spaces like this, everyone wants to be liked and make friends, and i’ve observed that a lot of times, this translates to the need to be liked overriding common sense and genuine responses/opinions. obviously, there is absolutely no reason to be an asshole online, but i’ve witnessed people bend over backwards to be perceived as “nice”, whether it was appropriate in certain situations or not; whether they actually meant what they were saying or not. what you’re seeing is often simply internet personas, not necessarily actual people. which is fine, because i don’t like to put my business on the internet either! but you better believe that the parts of me i do put on the internet are authentic. i don’t always see that mentality  in fan spaces. instead, i see groups of people who would rather kiss each other’s asses to feel like they belong than to cultivate true relationships by acknowledging faults that we all have. by accepting those faults, and helping each other grow as people.

i guess what i’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t feel bad that you may not be connecting, because you’re coming into the situation authentically, and other people may not be. true friendship is not made overnight, so oftentimes what you’re seeing is very surface-level. not to say people don’t make genuine friends online, because i have! ones that are simply online, and ones that have moved from online to irl. i just think that true friendship takes time, and you have to be on the same wavelength. someone joining the group later than you and seemingly being bffs with everyone means absolutely nothing, because that’s simply not true 🤷🏽‍♀️ it’s all a performance. in life, that’s how acquaintances are made, not friends. you don’t actually know these people! (and tbh, they don’t actually know each other lmao) and yet despite this, i’m seeing a growing online trend where people immediately cling to each other and act like best friends when they obviously are not. again, it’s all very performative and it’s hard to be a part of if you’re not also willing to perform.

if you’re going into situations trying to make genuine connections with people and they’re more focused on making sure everyone likes them, that’s not going to work in the long run. so my advice is to simply continue being yourself--don’t try to be what you think others want to see in order to get attention. and if you find that’s not enough, then that space is simply not for you, and you should search for ones that are, online or otherwise. please don’t let this sort of thing get to you or cause you anxiety--just keep moving until you find your people 😘

#idk if it's because i'm older than a number of you #but whenever i see this kind of performative nonsense i just shake my head #that ain't it y'all lol #anonymous #asks

[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

#asks #my writing #fic & fandom #I keep coming back to fiddle and add things to this answer #but I think I've said all I wanted to now...

[talesofsonicasura]

Thief's Ambition

Velvet Dilemma

Every thief needs the right tool for any sort of job. But what would happen if one of your resources isn't what they seem to be? Long post. Warning: Suicide Attempt, and mentions of abuse

They say reality and imagination are two sides of the same coin. Reality being ruled by laws and sciences to present what one calls 'normal', a limited perspective. Imagination however, is without restrictions if someone has the willpower to create or dream, limitless potential.

Information or to be specific, Digital Code' held both treats of reality and imagination. Rules to stabilize the unlimited potential of someone's creativity and what could be created is endless. Sometimes, one's design could break those boundaries. The results are determined by the creator. Whether it will lead to paradise or pure ruin. Only they can decide.

Le Blanc, a small but humble shop located in Yogenjaya, Japan. This cafe owned by Sojiro Sakura, is quite famous for their delicious curry, extraordinary coffee and friendly atmosphere. It is also the temporary home of a specific teenager. A young man whose choices can affect the world around him in large ripples. His name was Ren Amamiya.

The boy was around 15 years old, hair was a pitch black nest of curls, eyes a mysterious obsidian that shone brighter through the lens of his false glasses, a soft balance built with some growing muscle to his form, and stood about 5'7 in height. A pure black gakuran fitting snugly on the young man's body paired alongside black pants and nicely made boots as he carried his slightly large gray school bag over his shoulders.

His destination was Le Blanc, taking his time by walking down the sidewalk and glanced around to take in any important details. It didn't seem that anything would catch the boy's eyes since Yogenjaya was more of a rural area. That was until an abnormally tall structure crossed his line of sight.

Not too far from where he was, Ren could make what had to be a hotel. Around 5 stories in height and from how clean it seemed, the place was obviously new. Halfway down the large infrastructure was a soft magenta sign that read: Hotel Nexus. The name rings some bells in his head.

It was a new hotel that recently opened up before he came. Great service, fair prices and quite a selection of accommodations for anyone's price range. He heard some of the teachers and even students at his school raving about it.

Ren didn't really notice that he entered his destination until his nose was greeted to the bitter scent of coffee beans and spice of curry. His caretaker Sojiro Sakura, a rough looking older man with dark brown eyes, black hair in a man bun and beard, was in the middle of serving a few customers. Thus, the teen walked up to his room which was in actuality, a spacy attic.

Placing his bag on the bed, the raven was about to start on his homework when a voice spoke out. "Thy trickster." A soft, suave yet slightly distorted male's nearly made the boy jump if he didn't know who this voice belonged to. Not even the first few days in Tokyo did the teen come across the path of the supernatural.

"We need to have a discussion. Thee might have a problem." The voice explained much to Ren's utter confusion. If by instinct, the raven took off his glasses and held it out. Blue flames suddenly manifested on the frames, sparks spewing out to the attic floor in 5 different spots before the fire extinguished.

Each spark burned brighter as they grew in size but didn't spread across the wood surface like any normal fire. The smallest stood barely a foot in size while the largest being a shocking 15 ft all around. Suddenly, the fire sputtered out as five different creatures now sat before the young boy.

A large black horse that had two long teal horns, crimson eyes and white mane, a small brown haired pixie with butterfly wings wearing a blue one-piece and gloves, pink skinned imp with small wings and wore a belt with a large stinger positioned at an inappropriate place, and a jack-o-lantern headed creature wearing a dark blue robe, witch's hat, and white gloves holding a lantern.

The last being was not only large but vastly different from the others. Sitting slightly uncomfortable on the floor was a dapper gentleman-esque black and crimson demon.

Black leathery hide, pitch black mask for a face as fire highlighted the long spindly devil horns than just painting fiery eyes or the wicked smile, razor sharp black claws and angelic ebony wings that spawn from his lower back. The demon's clothing consisted of a black corset tuxedo held tight by red strings, white fancy cravat, a short crimson coat with long sleeves, collar and coattails, red armor mimicking dress pants covered the legs which ended with knife blade heels, and a tall black top hat stitched at the back with red strings.

Despite the five demons sitting before him, Ren wasn't afraid of their presence. After all, why would he be scared of his own Persona and one of the reasons he is still alive? From the information given by various sources, these beings were born from thoughts of man and assist those who awaken or earn their power.

His current Persona team consisted of Bicorn, Pixie, Incubus and Jack-o-Lantern. Ren couldn't forget his main Persona either, the one who answered his call and shared the same rebellion in his soul, Arsene. Seeing all five here meant there was something going on especially from the looks on their face.

Bicorn looked very irate, well, more than he usually was, Pixie was a mixture of concern and worry, Incubus had his arms crossed alongside a large scowl on his face and Jack-o-Lantern looked like he wanted to disappear. The only one who didn't seem upset was Ren's dapper devil, the flames of the mask were in a soft simmer, almost if he was sheepish. Things had to be wrong if the Legendary Phantom Thief didn't have his signature grin.

"Is everything ok? Arsene said you guys wanted to talk about something." The raven politely asked, it may not look like it but Ren did care for his Persona. Although, not all of them were on the same level as his rebel heart but… Out of the bunch, it was Incubus who spoke up.

"Here's the problem boss, none of us are getting fused!" And the teen's train of thought came to a stop like a broken record. "What?" The word just came out of his mouth as if he was on autopilot. Quite a reasonable reaction for when you considered Ren's current situation in full.

Stuck on probation in a foreign place, his future walking towards a foretold path of ruin, the twisted desires of his gym teacher manifesting as a cognitive place and these very creatures before him holding a key to his salvation. That also included fusing them to create a more powerful Persona.

"Normally we don't have any opinions when it comes to fusion. Previous Wild Cards before you had done the process thousands of times. However, this time there's two issues that we cannot accept! And no amount of bribery will change our opinion!" Bicorn huffed, scraping a hoof across the ground.

That actually convinced Ren even more to listen to their problem, especially when he considered the new information given. If there had been others like him, why wasn't he notified? And what was different about the process of Fusion if Persona used to not have an issue?

"Alright. Can you tell me these reasons for omitting fusion from the Velvet Room?" His inquiry seemed to relieve some of the tension for the group of Persona. The teen could only guess it must be rare for Wildcards to tend to their needs. Or it must have been quite a long time since a Persona User like him appeared.

"Sure dee-doo, bossman! First off is the Fusion Methods! Persona are fused in many different ways, some by dancing or even tarot cards. Executions aren't one of them. Despite some Persona being created from evil legends, the fusion tools were always humane and fair for all participants." Jack-o-Lantern spoke up, the fire in his lantern burning brighter with each word.

Ren easily agreed with that reason. His first time actually being able to use the Fusion was a very unsavory experience. At that time, he only had just Arsene and Pixie. To see Igor and his assistants unveil those large guillotines made him feel like he was back at that Palace thing.

Seeing shadows of people being tortured like slaves already made him a bit uncomfortable but the 'Fusion Tools' were enough to leave the room with a poker face just to hide a grimace. "Yeah, I can see your point. Don't know how a guillotine isn't even supposed to do that."

That also raised another question as he had a feeling what the second reason really was. Pixie only solidified that very thought. "Our second reason is the Velvet Room itself, to be precise, Igor himself. You see, out of many Personas, I am usually the one Wildcards tend to acquire first." A look of nostalgia sparked in her eyes.

"This means that I am often fused quite a lot so I've been around Igor. Despite looking a bit crooked, the man has an aura of a gentleman and has this mischievous but kind air around him. Something that makes the Velvet Room comfortable for both Persona and Wildcards but…" A nervous and saddened look was quick to mark the fairy's face.

"...that isn't the Igor we know. This one is cold and has this aura of cruelty hidden underneath. And it's not just him but both Velvet Room attendants feel off too. It's almost if both girls are like broken dolls, scraps of a toy remade into two different copies."

The room went silent for a bit as Ren processed all this information. Persona who's been summoned or recruited a lot, Veteran he'll call it, could feel when something is off with the Velvet Room. It would explain why Arsene didn't seem that bothered unlike the others, since he was new to the whole thing.

Now that the teen thought about it, Igor and his attendants seemed very quick to introduce the Fusion mechanic… too quick. If something was indeed wrong with the Velvet Room, then it would be best to limit his usage. Ren couldn't just stop using it altogether and none of them had issues with the Register/Summon option.

"Alright. I won't use the Velvet Room for fusion. If you guys think the place is off and Igor can't be trusted, then I'll trust your judgement. Problem is, how can I perform Fusions now?" The Persona he had now, excluding Arsene, can't really grow powerful enough to deal with any future Palaces.

Stronger Personas were needed if he was going to avoid this 'ruin'. His main Persona then spoke up. "How about you search for a mage? Thou passed one earlier today." Wait what? Ren looked at the Curse Type with a mixture of disbelief and surprise.

There's a mage, someone who practices actual magic, in bloody Tokyo. Pixie spoke upon her User's look of befuddlement. "Practicers of magic do exist, master Ren. They are rare and tend to stay hidden amongst the locals. You can easily guess why. Some even treat Fusing or Summoning Persona like an exam to know if one is ready for the next level of magic."

The raven haired teen let out an intrigue hum from the explanation. If he can find the mage Arsene sensed earlier then they should be able to help with his Fusion problem. "Where did you sense them anyway?"

Ren couldn't believe the stroke of luck he got. Apparently the person he was looking for happened to be in Yogenjaya, specifically the new Nexus Hotel. Once school was over for the day, he quickly made his way towards the place. It was honestly bigger in person than seeing it from Le Blanc.

Various trees with interwoven branches formed a path to the hotel similar to a green red carpet, two fountains paired with benches on each side of the fountain and the centerpiece was a peculiar statue. An 8 meter giant of scrap metal carefully melded together to form a lizardman wielding a large microphone stand like it was a guitar and on the plaque it stood on read: Welcome to Hotel Nexus.

There are even a few stalls set up for local vendors to rent and sell merchandise. 'This hotel feels like a homey place to stay in. No wonder a lot of people Shujin talk about it.' Ren thought while looking at the large statue with intrigue. He could see a lot of work was put into it from the V shape horns, beak like snout and even intricate design on the stand.

Even a non-artist can see all the work, effort and dedication put into it. "What do you mean it ain't for sale?!" A brutish shout immediately ripped the boy's attention. Obsidian eyes soon look at a scene forming to his side between a large portly man and someone around his age.

The girl had cyan hair with a silver frohawk at center, emerald green eyes bearing black v shaped marks underneath, and a thin elegantly curved body around 5'6 in height. Her clothing consisted of a black shirt, short red long sleeved jacket, dark blue cargo pants and white high tops.

What got Rens attention was the peculiar device hanging around her neck, it looked like one of those pocket pet toys but merged with a walkie talkie. Pure silver with red buttons and a black strap for string. She honestly looked very annoyed.

"It's like I said to your boss a million times before. Hotel Nexus isn't for sale! My family and I worked hard to make this place so no way in hell we're giving it up. I don't give a damn how high the food chain your boss is, the answer will be no!" Ren could practically feel the venom in her words from the fifteen distance.

Something that amused Arsene since the Curse Persona was laughing. 'It seems that fiery young lady is the mage that thou been looking for. Such strong rebellion radiating brilliantly alongside her magic.' The raven continued watching the scene unfold.

He had to agree with Arsene on the fiery term since the girl literally growled at the man before her. "Get outta here and tell your boss he can choke on his own balls!" The poor employee went running off in seconds with his tail between his legs. Adjusting his fake glasses, Ren decided to approach the cyanette once she took a few deep breaths.

Now that he was closer, the young man could see flecks of gold and silver in those emerald eyes as the girl saw him. "Hey there. Sorry if ya saw the commotion. I'm usually more professional but guys like that tend to grind my gears." She then put on a polite smile.

"My name is Hokuto...Shoutmon! One of the owners of Hotel Nexus. What can I do for you?" Ren couldn't lie, that was the oddest last name he heard in his life. Or the fact that her teeth were razor sharp just from the smile given. Knowing it was rude to stare, the raven haired teen spoke.

"My name is Ren and I happen to be new in the area. I was hoping you can answer a few questions for me." Best to have some honesty if he was going to even get the cyanette's trust. Hokuto merely kept a polite look on her face and stayed professional to even her posture.

"Sure, what questions do you have? Need any help finding a room or are you interested in renting a stand? Or is it more personal?" Childlike curiosity brimmed in the emerald eyes of the Nexus' heiress that made Arsene laugh in his human partner's head. 'Might as well answer her, dear Trickster. Can't keep a young lady waiting~'

Ignoring the obvious flirt, Ren decided to be a bit straight forward in his response. "Can you help me with a little school project of mine? I'm supposed to ask people a set of words and how they felt about each one for my psychology class." He even pulled up a pen and paper to make it more convincing.

If she was really a mage, then he had a feeling Hokuto would be more comfortable with masking a risky topic such as this. Plus one class did ask for a Do-Your-Own assignment for homework today. The Shoutmon woman tilted her head a bit, mild confusion crossed her face before shrugging. Didn't seem that bad to her so why not oblige the boy?

"Sure, I don't mind. It's honestly a bit refreshing but I get to choose a few words too. That way it'll be more like a game, and who knows, ya might get some extra credit." Ren nodded his head and had a smirk on his face from Hokuto's unexpected reply. He even had a good word to start with.

"Alright. My first word or to be precise, words is 'Velvet Room'." The cyanette hummed a bit hearing the word. An inquisitive look on her face as she mulled the two words over in her head a bit. It took a few more seconds before she gave an answer.

"Intrigue and wonderment comes to mind but oddly also caution. Something as fancy as 'Velvet Room' has to have something dark or sinister in the undertone. Kinda like the story of Hansel and Gretel with the witch's house being made of sweets." The teen and Persona understood the reason behind that, even if the 'caution' part sounded more instinctual.

Not everything that glitters gold meant was good. "Alright, my turn. The word I choose is Tamer." Hokuto said with a cheery tone. It was his turn to tilt his head at the suspicious pick. Being a Wildcard did fit with the word since Ren had to befriend or 'tame' multiple Persona than just one.

"Adventurous, enlightening and carefulness. Being a tamer means you are potentially risking your life at befriending a living creature that can do harm if you aren't careful. Achieving a bond is also a reward in itself from how much you learn and grow with the experience." The raven haired teen could feel the warmth of his Persona's happiness and admiration blanket his heart.

Hokuto also seemed really happy about his response too, almost if checking something off in her head. "That's one way to say it. Now it's your turn again." Ren already knew what he was going to ask for this round. "Okay. My next word is Persona with a capital P." The cyanette mulled over the peculiar word in her head.

Something about it felt odd, like a primal instinct of sorts but she couldn't really guess why. Placing a hand on her chin, the young woman gave the boy an answer. "Since it sounds like a living creature, I would say wonder and bewilderment. Unknown life tends to bring tons of questions alongside the possibilities of their uniqueness."

Ren hummed at the answer while writing it down on paper. He would admit that he didn't see the next word coming though. "Your next word is Digimon!" Confusion immediately covered the raven haired teen's face. Did he hear that right? Digimon? Was it short for something like 'Digital Monster'?

"Taking a random guess here but the only thing that comes to mind is curiosity. I've never heard of a term like Digimon before and it makes me wonder what the concept truly is. A game or maybe a brand series that's focus is around collectible creatures under the same name."

It was the only reasonable Ren could actually think of. He'd never heard of 'Digimon' before and would have done some research later on. The teen was ready to ask his final question when the sound of a ringtone went off. Hokuto had pulled out her phone, a look of mild horror crossing her face in seconds.

"Seriously?! I'm sorry but I have to cut this conversation short. Got to close off one of the guest bathrooms and call for a repairman!" She quickly turned on the heel of her feet before taking off into the hotel. All Ren could do was blink as his objective was now out of reach.

'An unfortunate setback. However, thou at least have the mademoiselle's location. We would just need to visit another time.' Arsene whispered in the raven's head, the young man let out a sigh. He'll have to make do with the Persona he had for now.

The next day… Ren was sitting in his seat like usual. Getting stared at by most of his classmates and teacher with the appeal of a convict. An irritating normal when you had your criminal record and reason for being transferred thrown out to the entire school as if it was a newspaper.

It also sucked that his teacher, Mr Uchimaru, was an asshole who likes to harass others when they answer one of his surprise questions wrong. Ryuji texting him in the middle of the class and Morgana talking in his bag either. Even if no one could understand the not-cat, they could still hear his meows.

His mind however went to a grinding halt upon the words of his classmates. "There's someone on the roof! Is she going to jump? Suzui Shiho?" Dread immediately filled his heart upon the name. Suzui Shiho was one of the upperclassmen who was being sexually harassed by his current target, the gym teacher Kamoshida.

He was out of his seat in seconds and ran straight for the hallway window for a better look. A better view was needed to see if it really was Shiho. Obsidian eyes widen in absolute horror upon the sight of the brown haired teenager standing at the ledge of the building.

'No… Dear god, please don't…!' The girl jumped off the roof, Ren's heart dropped to his stomach while his classmates screamed. Shiho was about to hit the ground when familiar light blue hair came into sight as someone caught her falling body in time. Ren immediately ran down the halls of the school, to get outside and see if his senpai was alright.

The teen caught sight of Hokuto Shoutmon holding the girl tight to her chest, Shiho was nuzzled into the hotel manager's neck in tears. "Shh. It's alright. Just let it all out. I don't know who hurt you but there are people in this world that still care about ya. Think about them, not ya tormentors."

Hokuto's strong upbeat voice was now a soft comforting whisper while she rubbed the suicidal girl's back gently. Emerald eyes looked into Ren's obsidian ones with mild surprise. It was probably the fact she didn't know he went to school here either.

"Shiho." The raven turned his head to see one of his classmates running towards the two girls. Ann Tamanaki, the platinum blonde girl with green eyes and her hair in two ponytails who was also Shiho's best friend by what he saw from their interactions. The hotel manager turned her head over to the blonde.

"I'm guessing you are a friend of hers? Do you know her parents' numbers? This poor girl needs all the support she can get right now and I need to call the suicide hotline. We were lucky enough that I was able to catch her in time." Hokuto let Ann hold Shiho but not before the pigtailed girl said a grateful teary 'Thank You'.

The cyanette then looked at Ren. "I don't know who broke that poor girl's will but I do know one thing. If that fucker shows their face, I'll do everything in my power to knock em off their pedestal. No one deserves this for another bastard's sick pleasure. They say eyes are the window to one's soul, her eyes are that of a victim on their last string."

Shiho's parents immediately came over along with an ambulance and a few cop cars to check on the frazzled brunette. Hokuto had left after they questioned her on how she even found Shiho. Apparently the hotel manager was heading towards one of the markets nearby, a coincidence that managed to save his classmate's life.

It also meant that Kamoshida needed to be dealt with before someone else breaks. There is the expulsion deadline too, since confronting the man in righteous anger was a dumb idea. Whatever the case, the perverted PE teacher needed his heart changed. And the only solution was the man's castle, nestled in the school's Metaverse.

The Metaverse was a physical plane created through the unconscious cognition of people, a place between reality and imagination. Palaces were an area created from the large distortion in a person's heart, something that reflected a dark mindset. Kamoshida's Palace was that of pure unadulterated lust.

A medieval castle filled with statues of himself or various girls around the skin that displayed their innocence in a perverse manner, echoes of male students were seen as slaves that were beaten meticulously, and the distorted version of Kamoshida flaunt through the castle as it's disgusting lustful king in nothing but a crown, heart shaped boxers and a fluffy red cape.

Through these halls was the key to stopping this man's twisted heart and the consequences to follow if they failed. Within one of the hallways, a large cluster of knights were gathered in a tizzy. Empty blue masks staring at a pile of molten gold, various statues of the Palace's Ruler melting into a golden soup in front of the culprit.

The suspect's body was shadowed by the large blaze behind them. "How dare you destroy the visage of our King Kamoshida?! You'll pay with your life wench!" One of the knights howled as all brandished their large blades. Feminine laughter came out of the figure alongside their appearance, emerald eyes glared down at the mass.

Ren was running as fast as he could, the teen helping a tired Ann with assistance from two others. The clothes the four of them wore were very different from what they wore in the real world, an attire created through the power of their Persona and rebellious souls.

The raven had a white domino mask bearing a black flare around the eyes, long black leather jacket paired alongside a bulletproof black vest, crimson gloves, black Italian leather pants, and black leather boots. Ann's entire was a full red leather blend suit that displayed her elegant lithe form, a red mask with cat ears, red stilettos and even a fake cat tail that seemed to move on its own.

Then there was Ryuji Sakamoto, a spiky blonde with brown eyes and Ren's first ally he made. His outfit was a metal skull shaped mask, a black suit bearing a metal spine plate along his back, red tie to a black bulletproof vest, black Italian leather boots and red gloves bearing metal knuckles.

Ren couldn't forget their odd party member Morgana either. A 1'6 ft tuxedo cat-like being with a form comparable to a bobblehead. Slightly large head with black fur on the top half of the head imitating a mask to the white bottom part, a yellow bandana scarf around the neck, a black body with white paws, white feet and white tip tail, and a brown fanny pack around the waist.

The two males were helping keep Ann steady, the platinum blonde was exhausted from summoning her main Persona. "We're almost at the exit, just need to go past this hanger." Morgana stated, his childlike male voice stern and strong. Smell of burning metal hit everyone's nose, all eyes were on the growing smoke that began to seep from an adjacent hallway.

"What the hell? Is someone else here because I don't think Kamoshida's knights are stupid to burn the castle to the ground?" The blonde was right but who was it. Getting into the Metaverse, much less a Palace, required the Metanav app. Without the mysterious phone app, no one could enter this place unless brought here by accident.

A familiar voice then reached Ren's ears. 'Thy Joker, that sounds like young Hokuto. It appears our acquaintance is making good on her threat to Madame Shiho's abuser.' Arsene spoke within the raven's head. It was an odd coincidence that the hotel manager was in the same corridor leading to the exit.

The group of four turned into the hall to see an army of Kamoshida's knights cornering Hokuto. None of them were blind to the gold statues of the Palace ruler burning behind the young woman, a sight that made Ren's main Persona purr in delight.

"Ain't that Shoutmon-san?! Did she get dragged in by accident like I did?!" Ann couldn't help the worried tone within her own voice. The not-cat of the group whistled at the destruction. "That girl isn't normal. It takes extreme heat to melt solid gold like that."

Ryuji guffawed at the amount of damage that the cyanette did by herself. "Talk about a one woman demolition crew! Maybe she can help us after we help her." The group was taken aback when Hokuto began to laugh at a guard's execution threat.

"A King you say?" The cyanette scoffed, her hand grasping the device around her neck. Morgana quickly notices the peculiar device. "I'm getting weird vibes from that gadget. Whatever it is, that thing is letting out a lot of power!" All three humans looked at their smaller teammate in surprise before facing Hokuto.

Something big was about to happen. "All I see is the evidence of a pervert who loves to harass those more innocent than him. It's time these trophies of sin burn and I'll light them ablaze with the fire of my soul!" A light purple aura circled around Hokuto's opposite hand.

The peculiar sparkled and moved in an inhuman but familiar to digital code if given a physical shape. The next words Hokuto said proved to Ren and his friends just how unique she was. "Let's do this Shoutmon! Biomerge!" Pure gold fire burst forth upon Hokuto swiping her hand across the device.

All of the guards had to jump back upon the massive blaze that now engulfed the teenage girl, her shadow growing amongst the wall of flame. For a second, the masked raven saw something familiar move within the fire. The visage of the Hotel Nexus Statue crossed Ren's mind.

"Hope you're ready!" Hokuto's voice boomed from the blaze but it was very off. There was a mechanical tone to it and all of Ren swore he heard another voice overlap, a scratchy, growlish young male one. A large gold armor leg and boot with a silver stripe going down the center alongside a back spike heel stepped out from the blaze.

What followed was a giant 16 ft armored beast, a golden dragon man that looked vaguely similar to the statue back at the hotel. Giant V shaped horns adorn the head alongside the golden tusk on the cheeks to form a pseudo helmet to the silver beak like muzzle of the dragon, a rounded chest plate that held two holes on opposite sides of the flat front, curved pauldrons leading to black wire hose that connected the slimmer arms bearing three fingered hands.

On the upper back was a helm very similar to the statue and that gold alloy went down the slim waist except for the silver circle on the stomach. And the part that showed this was once Hokuto was the bright emerald eyes burning with righteous fury.

"Cause OmniShoutmon is going to bring the house down!" Hokuto or OmniShoutmon bared her two fists in a boxer's stance as she let out a battlecry. Her eyes then flitted over the group of four, a look of surprise crossing the dragon's beakish muzzle. Something one of the guards noticed as he turned around to see the small group.

"The intruders are still here?! This rebellion will be squashed before it can grow!" Every knight began to shudder in an unnatural manner, their bodies immediately collapsing into streams of black and crimson shadow. The shadowy streams immediately rose up to form various Jack o' Lanterns, Incubus, Bicorn except for one.

One had transformed into a large knight in silver armor, ruby red angelic wings sprout from the back, their red skin face held a solemn stare as they held a large broadsword in front of them in a religious manner. Ren recognized that type of Shadow from a previous encounter, it was an Archangel.

"Mona and Skull, protect Ann!" With a flair, Ren pulled off his mask as blue flames swallowed it and Arsene materialized from the fire. The sight of the Curse Persona made a wild smirk run across OmniShoutmon's muzzle. "Knew there was something special about ya! Let's get to know each other after we toast these suckers with the melody of our burning souls!"

Orbs of pure sun yellow flame ignited the draconic being's claws, emerald eyes burning bright with something akin to passion. "Hard Rock Soul!" Both small suns doubled in size and with a howl OmniShoutmon tossed them with incredible force as if they were baseballs.

A large blast of fire exploded forth upon the two projectiles hitting one of the smaller Shadows, the intense heat burning groups of the ones that held no resistance to ash. Ren took the opportunity to strike the twisted monsters with their guard dropped by the blast.

His boot struck an Incubus from a high jump kick, he used the Shadow to spring towards a Jack O' Lantern stabbing his razor sharp straight into the pumpkin demon's skull. The raven then spun midair to send his hooked opponent straight into a small cluster of Pixies and quickly turned to a group of Bicorn.

"Eiha!" Red tinted black energy manifest between Arsene's claws, the Curse Persona morphing it into a short lance. The personification of the gentleman thief quickly threw into the head of one of the black stallions. The beast let out a painful neigh in response before exploding into a redfish black bonfire that grasped a few other Bicorns.

Some enemy Jack o' Lanterns lob multiple fireballs with a swing of lanterns, Pixies shot out bolts of lightning from their fingers and a herd of Bicorn went into a stampede covered in harsh wind magic. All of them were aiming for OmniShoutmon, who smiled maliciously at the attack.

"I am an inferno born of passion, baby!! You can't extinguish my soul that easily!" The draconic being leapt off the ground, arms spread out whilst her golden body flew through the air almost if riding on an invisible current. Hokuto swept past the lightning in a barrel roll, weaved through the onslaught of fireballs before going into a condor dive whilst bearing her horns.

"Mach Rush IV!" She picked up more speed as OmniShoutmon went straight to the herd of Bicorn with the intent to run them down. Looks of shock crossed the horn horses as every single one quickly found themselves bouncing off of the dragonoid then crash disgracefully to pieces. What was worse were their green horns easily shattered then sent off into rapid fire sharpnel, whatever wind magic on them now struck down multiple allies.

The only three non-combatants watched the scene in utter shock. "Holy shit! Hok- I mean OmniShoutmon completely wrecked that stampede like it was nothing!" Ryuji remembered how much of a pain those specific Shadows were but to see them being wiped out so quickly was insane.

"I think it's because of that weird armor all over her body. Doesn't seem like any kind of material that can be found in the Real World or even the Metaverse." The not-cat has seen very peculiar things in the metaphysical plane before but he didn't think whatever material that armor was made from one of them.

"It's not just that. Before she changed, she said 'Let's do this, Shoutmon.' What if Hokuto-san wasn't saying her last name but someone else's?" Ann's words hit her two companions like a truck. Joker had also caught what the platinum blonde and things started to click in his mind.

The thought swirled in his mind whilst sliding under the large blade aimed for his head from the boss Archangel. She wasn't really alone when they had conversed earlier. Hokuto had someone or something alongside her, a Persona perhaps? Could it be…?

Joker glanced at the once human, his eyes widened in mild horror when he saw the Archangel spread out their wings. A warning signal for a powerful attack. "Look out OmniShoutmon!" The dragonoid immediately spotted the aforementioned threat and her response was surprising.

OmniShoutmon stood her ground, a burning yellow aura burst from the brilliant gold armor. "Hamaon!" The angelic shadow pointed his blade at OmniShoutmon, a large blast of bright light erupted the steel straight at her. It was at this point that the observers realized an important detail about the former human's armor.

There was a purpose to those two holes on the chest. "Flamethrower, yeaah!!" Fire burst forth from the chest holes alongside OmniShoutmon's war cry, large golden streams that clashed with the blast of light. Both attacks struggled to swallow the other, a battle of attrition in physical form. Letting out a loud roar, the fire from OmniShoutmon doubled in size as she put more power into the attack.

In seconds did the two blazing streams engulf the light in its entirety before swallowing up the Archangel and their allies in a massive bonfire. With the last bits of fire out of her chest, OmniShoutmon fell to her knee panting roughly.

"*pant* Damn did that asshole have some power. Using Flamethrower like that just takes the air out of your lungs. *whistles*" The dragonoid pants, her eyes now settled on the group of familiar faces. Ren had run up to the former human with Arsene offering his hand so the Persona could help her up.

OmniShoutmon took the assistance without hesitation, a smile on her beak like muzzle. "Thanks big guy. I have a feeling you aren't a Digimon, but I do know that I like those knife heels." The Curse Persona raised a non-existent eyebrow before letting out a hearty laugh.

Ren couldn't help shaking his head albeit agreeing with the statement. That definitely solidified this was indeed Hokuto among some other things. "As much I love to continue this chat, I believe it's best to move it to outside the confines of this castle." Arsene's suggestion didn't go unnoticed to everyone.

It made no sense to stay any further in their current state, plus there were a lot of questions that needed to be answered about their draconic ally rather than just their next possible move. Ren did know one thing, he had a feeling his life was about to get flipped over once more. For good or bad was up to debate.

And that's it. Felt Digimon would suit more into this considering DNA Digivolution, Biomerge and Spirit Evolution is a thing. Hokuto's last name isn't Shoutmon if you hadn't noticed. Last name is undecided at the moment. I did add some personal headcanons than just giving the Persona actual personalities. Persona is in personality after all.

Until next time folks!

#crossover #fanfic #au #oc #digimon #omnishoutmon #persona 5 #persona series #persona #persona 5 royal #digimon oc #ren amamiya #p5 arsene #persona 5 joker #digimon digital monsters #tales of sonicasura #sonicasura #long reads #arsene (persona 5) #arsene

[words-for-alice]

Had a bizarre thought.

I'm very young, aren't I?

Like, I'm 21, sure, but I don't just mean that. That's my total age. What I mean is I've spent sixteen-ish years as deadname, but now I'm name, and the difference is pretty clearly huge.

So often, I find myself thinking of my time as deadname as a seperate life. That now that I'm name, I've started completely anew.

It's as if I'm experiencing things for the first time again. I've done [this thing] as deadname, but I've never done it as name. That sort of thing.

Things are so different and so much better in this life. I'm even able to try food I had only ever eaten as deadname, and it's like it's totally new.

Which made me realise something bizarre. I'm kind of like, some kind of being that grew out of the ashes of deadname. It's almost like I'm a creature that took control of a dead person.

Obviously that doesn't actually match reality. That's not how humans work. Truth is, I'm just some kind of personality and/or persona that's become so deeply engrained that I've just become the host mind.

But is that all I am? A state of being that exists entirely on someone else's conscious? If I'm the creation from the desperate brain of deadname, like a sort of mask, then has this creation eclipsed the original enough that I just merged?

I always thought of an ideal version of myself. The details of which has changed throughout my life, but I see myself becoming more and more like that ideal self the more time passes. Or, at least, a much more modern type of self.

The thing is, I kind of predicted this.

When I was younger as deadname, I was having a serious identity crisis. I felt that there was a different being inside of me, although about as mature as the rest of me, that was planning and waiting for the "host persona" to wither and die to outside circumstances, in which case it'd take the mantle and become the new Me.

What if younger me wasn't full of shit? What if there was a split part of my ego that knew a storm was coming?

If I'm a creation of my original self, am I really even my original self? How different was the construct from my original form? Did I create a new version of myself, only for it to soak back into me, changing me as a whole?

Just what am I, the voice that dictates who I am as a person and how I should go about life? This sense of identity is stronger than anything I had ever, ever felt as deadname.

I forged my own name, and I wrought from love my own person. Am I my own creation?

I did a pretty good job. No doubt about it.