#people(from 2nd incident) understand me than what is use of my opinions at all

[pineconesinthevalley]

Crime and Punishment

Day2

Today was the 2nd day of my journey through the audio recording of this masterpiece by none other than Fyodor Dostoevsky. I am still in the 1st part, where I covered chapters 3,4,5 today. Raskolnikov has received a letter from his mother, after a while. He is reading through this long letter, and we come to know about the state of affairs at R’s home. His sister Dounia has been maligned by Mrs. Svidrigaïlovs’, on suspicions of her having an affair with the latter’s husband. However, it turns out that actually it was Dounia who was being forced into an affair by Mr. Svidrigaïlovs. When his wife finds out the truth, she is ashamed and remorseful for maligning the name of Dounia for no reason. She tries to atone for it as best as she can and she is able to reinstate the honor of Dounia in the neighborhood and city.  In my opinion Mrs. Svidrigaïlovs is a compassionate and just lady, who would go at any length to serve justice. Although she seems to be cold at times, like when she reads the passionate letter written by her husband to Dounia, asking her to be with him. Be it her maid or her husband. She is very fair in her dealings. I liked her character for this reason. Other important thing is the description of Dounia’s suitor Mr. Pyotr Petrovitch, and the dreams Dounia and her mother have seen about the former's marriage with Mr. Petrovich. Mother writes she is very hopeful that even if her daughter has to put up with some trouble in her married life she would be more than happy to do so, because her husband is a successful lawyer and that means he would surely help Raskolnikov with his career. So in some way, she is willing to sacrifice her daughter's life, if it come to that, in order to make her son successful and happy. Raskolnikov reaches this conclusion and is disgusted, he resolves to stop this marriage from happening, he cannot live with the fact that others sacrifice their life for his uncertain future. He also grows bitter, thinking how cleverly Dounia has agreed to this proposal to marry a man much older than her, on prospects of living a luxurious life. And beneath all this good-will for him and secure future of his family, he sees the cunningness of his mother, who sees this as some sort of trade. She is selling her daughter for all the good things she has imagined will come out of this marriage. He grows very bitter thinking about all this, and also resents his sister for agreeing to this. He wonders how he was not even consulted on any of this until now. R's feelings are valid because no one wants their future to be determined by others, have no space for own decisions. But I think part of his bitterness is also from an aversion for well-off people. He has an attitude of giving a condescending look on people who he thinks are better than him in any way. As the author tells us later, this is one of the reasons he doesn't have any friends at school, except one, about whom we will talk later. He thinks strong people often take advantage of the weaker ones, and he has deep compassion for downtrodden ones, even animals. There is an incident where he is met with a teen girl who clearly has been mistreated by a much older man, and he wants to save her from him. She looks in a bad shape, clothes torn and she is unconscious from drinking. He is interrupted by a policeman as he, in a fit of rage tries to fight with the man, hoping to chase him away. After doing everything in his capacity, and convincing the policeman to save the girl from that man, he is lost again in his thoughts. He doesn't understand why is he trying to help her, he goes on to discourage the policeman from doing so as well. His reason being he has nothing to do with it. It made me think, how often we all do it, where we give up trying to help others, maybe because we find that it's beyond our capability to save them. Or, because we feel like we don't have the authority to control their life, even if it is for saving them. And what about the self doubt that rises because we don't know what's good for them. Who knows we may turn things for worse while trying to do the opposite. Maybe we stop ourselves, maybe it's just ourselves who we are trying to save. Even when we are helping others.

#dostoevksy #crime and punishment

[ootahime]

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission.  the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight.  mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward.  utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically.  notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help.  if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued.  however, she didn’t.  she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.  

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer.  she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful.  we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in.  she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward.  this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.  

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79.  she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up.  she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination.  she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.  

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious.  in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass?  i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question.  is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it?  well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all.  in my opinion, he’s just teasing her.  he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up.  maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post.  but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak.  he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is.  gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power.  in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet.  he’s probably only ever heard of how it works.  this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm?  ur cursed technique is singing?  can u show me?

utahime: what!  no way!  

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha!  u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT?  why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i!  am!  your!  senpai!  respect!  me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people.  we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.  

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.”  i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger.  remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident?  gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too.  even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away.  this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.  

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things.  i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime.  they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two.  gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others.  him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least.  this is just pure skill.  she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta.  he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her.  how do we know her CT isn’t speed?  after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off.  if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty.  she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t.  of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others.  let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either.  you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.  

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami.  i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet.  is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami?  i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown.  let me explain in depth.  todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash?  that was mentioned first, after all.  gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.”  i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine.  i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo.  with nanami and takuma it makes sense.  nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo?  what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else?  i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think?  this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question.  i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little.  i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

#gojohime #gouta #gojo x utahime

[xz1005fanblog]

2021-02-27 Some things I want to say

WARNING LONG POST

Context first, translation of his post above will follow:

Disclaimer: I have no interest in other artists other than Xiao Zhan, and I am merely explaining the situation of the fandom in China that led us to the fiasco in March 2020. I do not care for bjyx, I ship WangXian but I do not ship real people as a basic principle.

My opinion as an international fan of Xiao Zhan and as an AO3 user (yes, I am not Chinese nor do I live in China, I just happen to be able to read Chinese) is that C-entertainment industry is TOXIC and celebrities are not free targets for you to cyberbully. They are human just like you and me. 

Everyone needs to learn a bit more about compassion. 

I am sure all of you read about the cyberbullying Xiao Zhan went through last year. There were multiple factors that started all of this, most of which XZ doesn’t talk about in this letter because of how sensitive the topic is in China. I’ve never explained entirely what happened because I personally thought that this is not something overseas fans should worry too much about. Especially since most of you don’t have a wb or db account, there’s nothing you can do about it anyway. But since Xiao Zhan himself decided to post a letter to respond to this subject, I’ll put in my 2 cents just that so everyone is on the same page.

Basically, after The Untamed aired in China, the show fandom split into 3 groups. XZ fans, WYB fans, and CP fans (or bjyx, whatever you wish to call it, those who love shipping these two real people together - not just the characters in the drama). Of course there are still people who would watch the show without becoming a fan of the actors.

At the beginning, most people thought they were good friends with each other, with all the short BTS clips from The Untamed. However, fans slowly discovered that it wasn’t the case. Some unofficial BTS clips emerged where WYB said XZ was shooting multiple dramas at the same time = 轧戏 (which is very frowned upon and a disrespectful thing to say to an actor), whereas in reality, XZ only asked for a couple of days days off during the shooting for The Untamed because his scenes in Joy of Life had to be redone and he was bound by contract. On the contrary, WYB had to ask for most weekends off because he was participating in Produce 101 at the time. Other clips shows them fighting about somethings WYB said about WWX, which made XZ mad. So this broke a lot of CP fans’ image of their relationship, and they either stopped shipping/became XZ or WYB fans only. This angered WYB’s fans, of course, which made them blame XZ for the entire fiasco.  

Other incidents continued to happen after the show which increased the friction between these 3 fan groups. XZ fans and WYB fans would fight about various voting charts, and fight with CP fans because they don’t like seeing the two actors together. In the meantime, CP fans continuously feminize and weaken XZ in order to ship the 2 actors together (it’s rather an unhealthy trend in China, I’ve been in multiple other western fandoms before - not real person shipping - but we rarely glorify weakening/feminizing the bottom of a ship, because of the underlying prejudice against real homosexuals, who are not synonymous to transgenders).

Some incidents added oil to the fire afterwards. It’ll take me too long to explain everything, so I’ll just put here the main ones to explain why there’s so much bad blood between these 3 groups of fans.

On XZ’s birthday, some CP fans found XZ’s parents’ apartment building and yelled BJYX is real. This angered a lot of XZ fans, because of how disrespectful it was towards the old couple and the clear breach of privacy. WYB fans and some CP fans were also angry that XZ didn’t reply immediately to the birthday wish on wb that WYB sent at midnight (??? XZ was busy shooting a drama, can you blame him for not being on wb at midnight? Give the guy a break.)

In November 2019, WYB filed a lawsuit against some of XZ’s fans (instead against of his own haters!) for dissing him (although I’ve never seen any proof, and a few of those fans remain active on wb now, one of whom has even defended WYB's portrayal of LWJ before...). This angered a lot of XZ fans and CP fans who didn’t understand how he could have done this to his “friend”, and further proved that their relationship wasn’t that fantastic to begin with. WYB fans felt justified in hating XZ and all XZ fans as a result, and openly bullied XZ fans on the grounds of the Nanking CQL Concert. 

In January, The Untamed was named to Beijing Journal Drama award. CP fans and WYB fans were unhappy that XZ was named to the Best Male Lead category and WYB was named to the Best Male 2nd Lead. They attacked the award committee wb by spam commenting all their wb posts and the entire drama was pulled from the nomination afterward. XZ fans were especially angry that they started all this only for the nomination to be pulled out - because the only possibility was one Male Lead per drama, and anyone would agree that if chosen between WWX and LWJ, the character with the most scenes and importance in the story is WWX. 

Yadda yadda yadda, fast forward to February 2020, it started with a fanfiction written by a CP fan that depicted XZ as a prostitute transgender woman and WYB as a highschool kid (UNDERAGE) = AKA very sensitive material in China. It was posted on AO3, but the author posted the link of said fic on wb and a lot of CP fans broadcasted it around, so much that XZ fans became aware of it. Due to how sensitive the material is and how badly it would taint XZ’s image for his future roles, some XZ fans started reporting the wb post that contained the link (NOT AO3) and the author’s wb page. This is common practice in fandom on wb, usually done to get the wb posts taken down. This caused panic in the CP fans crowd because they thought XZ fans were reporting AO3 and that they were gonna lose the website (which is impossible, because AO3′s servers are in Sweden and not subject to Chinese laws anyway). 

Because of how sensitive AO3 was in China and how haters tried to pull in antigovernmental into their crowds, the subject quickly became too dangerous for XZ fans to get involved in. Official fan groups in China unanimously decided to ask all fans to stop participating in the online debate and stay within the fan group circle only. 

Someone on AO3 made a commentary about this incident that you can find here. She dug up a lot of info on the companies feeding money to the trolls online, but as I am an overseas fan and cannot really verify her info, I will not comment on those statements. 

Sometime in the middle of this fiasco, someone started spreading the notion that XZ fans hated fanfiction and were trying to report anything that goes against their image of their idol... And subsequently people who were not CP fans or XZ fans became aware of this problem when they couldn’t access AO3 suddenly because too much curious fans where trying to access it and they crashed the servers. However later on, people could access the website without any problems. I am not personally in China right now so I can’t verify these claims of the website being walled or not for real, but I know from various reliable sources that on March 1st it was only an overload of the server, and people could still access afterwards. 

With this however, haters (which include previous CP fans, WYB fans, and other idol’s fans) attacked XZ for not telling his fans to stop reporting, for not saying anything. They attacked XZ’s endorsements and spammed hate speech on the products he was promoting. They would rate 1 star in all his dramas and songs on db, and then buy accounts to further rate 1 stars (yes that thing exists in China, everything can be bought in China, don’t ask me why.) The reason why I believe that all this wasn’t coincidental, is that barely the day after the fiasco started, someone posted on db the exact list of all his sponsorships, detailing exactly who to call to protest, what words to spam in the comment sections of various official brands’ wb accounts. This entire thing was too well planned to be just a normal fandom fight. 

Whether it was other actors’ fans who organized this to cut down competition, we will probably never know for sure. The following year was laden with fake rumors, hate speech blasting from multiple directions. They attacked his personality, saying that his polite manners are just for show (when the reality is that he has always been a gentleman even when he wasn’t popular). They attacked XZ for faking donations to Wuhan, forcing him to show his donation certificate to prove himself. One of his friends couldn’t stand the cyberbullying anymore and revealed publicly that his grandfather recently passed away (the date on this drawing is 2020.03.03, he couldn’t post this last year). 

His friend defending him from the cyberbullies, saying that he had plenty of reasons to stay silent. That his grandfather passed away recently and his family has been planning his funeral. 

(Sources also said that his mother was hospitalized a few days afterwards. And that haters went to his mother’s hospital to harass her and her nurses)

Haters saying that XZ is using his grandfather’s death to excuse himself (??? is he not allowed to grieve like a normal person???)

Haters wishing that XZ becomes depressed from the cyberbullying and kills himself, wishing that he was dead, wishing that his fans were dead too. Photoshopping his picture into a funeral portrait to curse him

Haters admitting they are cyberbullying XZ, but rejoicing in the fact that they are so many so XZ can’t sue all of them. They have also reported his upcoming dramas for various reasons just so they cannot be aired. 

The airplane incident I’ve already talked about here.

A picture antis made to diss on XZ fans: AO3 can be still accessed even if it’s walled, Lofter can be still access even if it’s taken down from the app store. Your gege’s picture are still accessible even if he died. 

I’ve only posted here the tamest screenshots, there are far worst ones that I won’t be posting because the amount of vitriol give me nausea just looking at them. 

In all this fiasco, antis gave him the tag of “idol who didn’t manage his fans well”. But Xiao Zhan never thought fans needed to be trained, he thought of them like normal people, and their love, something to be treasured and not used. But some people in China still blamed his fans for starting all this mess, and partly him and his studio for not being able to stop it. 

Below is the translation for XZ’s letter, posted on the wb post above

Some Things I Want To Say

Today, I have something to say to everyone. I’ve thought of a lot of ways to do this, but in the end, I chose the simplest way to tell everyone about all my feelings and thoughts in the past year. These opinions, maybe they won’t be able to represent anything, nor won’t they be able to change anything, but I still wish to say this today. 

On this day last year, the incident happened very quickly, as if a bomb exploded on my face - endless phone calls, never ending message notifications, everyone’s opinions and questions came in like a tsunami. I wanted to say something back then, but I didn’t know what exactly. I was apprehensive of making a statement, afraid that one wrong word, or one wrong sentence would be taken the wrong way and end up adding oil to the fire. This is why at that time, I chose not to say anything. 

I never thought that the online fighting would grow bigger and bigger like an avalanche, getting larger crowds involved, and gradually leaving one person’s control. Even though afterwards I made repeated statements to make amends, it could not develop as I wished it to anymore. 

This life filled with broken protests and tumultuous noise continued to this day. And I felt I was going through a very dark and never ending tunnel. Unrest, ruminations, turmoil... I have also asked myself what did I do wrong exactly, why did everything after that day became as if it were an uncontrollable vessel. 

I spent a lot of time to digest, and then spent a lot of time to understand, understand everyone’s words and actions. Slowly, I started to understand what everyone was criticizing about me personally. The moment that I chose not to say anything, I lost that window of opportunity to reason with everyone. So I was wrong, from the very beginning. 

At that time, I wasn’t yet able to clearly understand the entire incident, to understand everyone’s feelings, nor did I know what kind of responsibility I had to carry as a public figure. Thus, I missed that opportunity to communicate with everyone, and wasn’t able to withstand the responsibility of letting these antagonizing feelings grow. Now, I can clearly recognize that throughout this year, this criticism that everyone had against me of “Idol Who Lost Its Voice”, was correct. During this year I reflected upon this repeatedly, as a public figure, I have to not only improve myself within the boundaries of my profession, but also have to carry the social responsibility that comes with my influence. To influence those who like me, who follow me, towards the right worldviews within my capacity. Even though my studio and I have already expressed some opinions through wb and interviews, but scars that this incident that brought such antagonistic emotions between different circles are still difficult to heal. 

No matter how late, my own problem has to be corrected. I would like to express my first comment: Xiao Zhan, would like to apologize for “losing voice” towards those who have been affected by this incident. This is my first responsibility towards the public, face the problem and admit my faults. 

Also, I would like to use this opportunity to speak with my fans. This is my second responsibility. In one of my interviews last year, I have said, I do not really agree with “managing” my fans (some celebs in China have hired people to manage fan groups in order for them to behave in certain ways for their purposes. Antis tried to spread the false rumor that XZ also had those people and that they directed their fans to start this mess), because everyone is an individual. No matter my studio nor myself, we do not have the authority to “manage” them like some would manage workers in a company. Afterwards, I reflected many times, maybe I cannot use the word “manage” to define my relationship with my fans, but I do have the responsibility to “correctly influence, and actively advocate”. So today, I would like to tell my fans, everyone has the right to like or hate something, and it should be respected and allowed within their own space. Of course this right should be reasonable, should not hurt anyone else, and remain within the boundaries of the correct values and norms. I hope my fans and friends can understand that no matter which profession, no matter what age, one’s own preferences or actions should not cross the line for one’s professional ethics or disrespect basic principles. 

(Here he is referring to reports of teachers using his name in class or asking children to say his name to cheer for him. This is a problem that occurred also with other celebrities in China, and for which he has already expressed himself previously.)

No matter online or in real life, everyone should be responsible for their own words. I also hope that we are not represented tags like “xx’s fans”, that we do not set this as the basis of where we stand on a topic nor do we let this determine what’s right or wrong. Everyone have their own hobbies and interest, respect everyone’s choice and freedom of speech. No matter whether they like me or hate me is their own right. Passion, this should be a source of strength to everyone, I do not wish for it to consume or hurt anyone. Perhaps I cannot change this kind of environment, but at least for you and me, today is a new start point. 

At last, I would like to talk a bit about myself. Ever since I came into this field, until today, I have always been defined by some tags. But the reason why I originally stepped into this circle was my passion for performance and music. And this is why, I will keep working on becoming a better actor and singer. The sudden criticism of “having lost voice” made me realize that, other than what I have always focused on professionally, I have to also be able to carry the responsibility of a public figure and an idol. I was born in a normal family in Chong Qing, and have lived a normal life, like many other people, for more than twenty years. Today I will also use this opportunity to apologize for the words I have said before as a normal person (I’ve already talked about it here), for the people I have inadvertently hurt. As I work hard on studying to become a better person, I will try to become a better “public figure”, so that these two Xiao Zhan can blend in together, for a better self. 

This past year, no matter big or small, I have to be responsible for the incidents that happened because of me. I can demand this for myself, but I have no right to force it on other people, so I can only hope that those who really like me can really listen to me: please be a bit more reasonable for things outside of personal preferences. Live a healthy life, put more time and energy onto one’s real life, and less on the senseless fighting behind fake IDs and unreliable online world. Only to become a better self. 

(Here he’s referring to an online fight that an anti called 晨小晨 started. I’ve already explained a bit here.  #微博管理员回应晨小晨事件# )

Sorry for any grammar errors, this post was really long to make and I didn’t proofread. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to translate the entire thing for overseas fans since you don’t understand the entire context, and because I wanted my wb records collection tag to be complete, I felt I had to... and I got carried away trying to explain everything. Tried to summarize it as much as I could.

As a fan of Xiao Zhan and also an AO3 user, I would still like to apologize for how this bullshi*t ended up disrupting respectful and peaceful users of AO3. The Untamed tag did not contain hate fics before all of this happened, it is unfortunate that a place where there used to be only love, ended up being tainted by antis and haters.

To the anonymous person who asked me a few months ago if I supported bjyx, this is my answer: You have the right to like whatever you want within your own corner, as long as it doesn’t bother anyone else and isn’t against basic principles. I ship WangXian as characters from a novel, but I have never liked RPS as a principle. 

#肖战 #肖战xiaozhan #xiao zhan #xiaozhan #zhan xiao #sean xiao #wb records collection #bjyx #i hate fandom fighting #in the end he chose to say sorry #for the innocent people dragged into this #and for the innocent fans #he chose to carry all the blame #even when none of it was his fault

[writing-prompts-for-friends]

Notes from Stephen King’s “On Writing” 07: The Revision Process

Next, King walks us through his revision process. He makes it clear that this method is not the only method. It is merely a method. 

How Many Drafts?

“For me, the answer has always been two drafts and a polish (with the advent of word-processing technology, my polishes have become closer to a third draft).”

King admits that this number of drafts is not the golden rule. Kurt Vonnegut rewrote each page of his novels until he got them exactly the way he wanted them. This meant that when the manuscript was finished, the book was finished. (I certainly am not that big of a perfectionist, nor am I that patient lol.)

For beginner writers in particular, King offers the following advice:

“Let me urge that you take your story through at least two drafts; the one you do with the study door closed and the one you do with it open.

“This first draft--the All-Story Draft--should be written with no help (or interference) from anyone else. There may come a point when you want to show what you’re doing to a close friend because you’re proud of what you’re doing or because you’re doubtful about it. My best advice is to resist this impulse. Keep the pressure on; don’t lower it by exposing what you’ve written to the doubt, the praise, or even the well-meaning questions of someone from the Outside World. Let your hope of success (and your fear of failure) carry you on, difficult as that can be. There’ll be time to show off what you’ve done when you finish...but even after finishing I think you must be cautious and give yourself a chance to think while the story is still like a field of freshly fallen snow, absent of any tracks save your own.”

Basically, King just wants you to get it all out onto the paper, with no external forces influencing you (for better or for worse). Just get that first draft out, and then open it up for closer examination both to yourself and others.

Let It Breathe and Then Dig In!

Okay, so you finished writing the first draft! Celebrate! Rejoice! Maybe cry!

...And then throw that manuscript into a drawer, lock it up tight, and don’t look at it for a minimum of six weeks. And in the meantime, do something totally unrelated to what you wrote. Get into knitting. Write a short story that is nothing like what you just finished. It’s consumed you for months now--so give your mind and imagination some time to reset and chill. 

King recommends a minimum of six weeks, but even longer is okay. Resist all temptation to peek at it. And once the six weeks have passed, do the following:

“Take your manuscript out of the drawer. If it looks like an alien relic bought at a junk-shop or a yard sale where you can hardly remember stopping, you’re ready. Sit down with your door shut, a pencil in your hand, and a legal pad by your side. Then read your manuscript over.

“Do it all in one sitting, if possible. Make all the notes you want, but concentrate on the mundane housekeeping jobs, like fixing misspellings and picking up inconsistencies. There’ll be plenty; only God gets it right the first time and only a slob says, ‘oh well, let it go, that’s what copyeditors are for.’

“If you’ve never done it before, you’ll find reading your book over after a six-week layover to be a strange, often exhilarating experience. It’s yours, you’ll recognize it as yours, even be able to remember what tune was on the stereo when you wrote certain lines, and yet it will also be like reading the work of someone else, a soul-twin, perhaps. This is the way it should be, the reason you waited. It’s always easier to kill someone else’s darlings than it is to kill your own.”

You’ll also be on the lookout for any glaring holes in the plot or character development. And if you spot any of these big holes, you are forbidden from feeling depressed about them. Don’t be hard on yourself. Everybody makes mistakes, and they can all be fixed. 

Generally King goes through the first reading fixing all the superficial issues, like typos and unclear antecedents. But as he’s doing that, he’s also asking himself the Big Questions:

Is this story coherent? 

If it is, what will turn coherence into a song?

What are the recurring elements?

Do they entwine and make a theme?

What’s it all about?

“Most of all, I’m looking for what I meant, because in the second draft I’ll want to add scenes and incidents that reinforce that meaning. I’ll also want to delete stuff that goes in other directions. There’s apt to be a lot of that stuff, especially near the beginning of a story, when I have a tendency to flail.”

I can understand what King is saying here about the flailing at the beginning. Because I do not plot when I write, I have ideas that crop up halfway through that would require being introduced earlier, for example. Or perhaps as my understanding of the characters evolved as I wrote more, I realize that they behaved out-of-character earlier on. This is certainly one downside to not plotting. But isn’t is also kinda liberating to be able to take detours and wind up at a different but equally interesting destination?

Okay. So go ahead and fix all of the issues you found, and your first revision is complete.

Second Opinions and the Second Revision

“Do all opinions weigh the same? Not for me.”

Now you’re done with the first draft. You’ve patched over any plot holes and smoothed out those typos and grammar mistakes. You’ve polished the symbols and themes until they shine.

Once this is done, King gives a copy of work to his wife and several close friends (4-8) to receive detailed feedback. In other words, he has several close friends beta for him. 

“Many writing texts caution against asking friends to read your stuff, suggesting you’re not apt to get a very unbiased opinion from folks who’ve eaten dinner at your house and sent their kids over to play with your kids in your backyard. 

“The idea has some validity, but I don’t think an unbiased opinion is exactly what I’m looking for. And I believe that most people smart enough to read a novel are also tactful enough to find a gentler mode of expression than ‘This sucks.’ Besides, if you really did write a stinker, wouldn’t you rather hear the news from a friend while the entire edition consists of a half-dozen Xerox copies?”

What he gets back is 4-8 very detailed and different analyses of what he wrote. What’s very important to remember is that every reader looks at a work through a different lens. If half of them say a character’s portrayal is far-fetched but the other half say the opposite, than their feedback regarding that point has balanced out. However, if the majority of them say that something doesn’t work, then King goes back and sees if he can improve it. 

Also, different readers pick up on different details. This is the age of internet and now we are able to check facts whenever we like, but it is still nice to have something of a subject matter expert on hand, because they are liable to pick up on details that the writer may not. 

For example, I often beta fanfiction for anime. I am fluent in Japanese, live in Japan, and have studied Japanese culture and history. While I would never claim to be a “subject matter expert” on Japan, I am able to make certain corrections regarding, say, the type of kimono a character should be wearing, that the writer would not have considered. 

It’s very easy to accept feedback that deals with facts (i.e. a beta corrects you on the standard procedures for CPR). However, it’s much harder to handle subjective feedback (i.e. “The ending felt inconclusive.”). Having put as much work as you have into creating this, it can feel like a personal attack because this story is a very dear part of you. What do you do if your beta tells you something like this?

“Subjective evaluations are, as I say, a little harder to deal with, but listen: if everyone who reads your book says you have a problem, you’ve got a problem and you better do something about it.

“Plenty of writers resist this idea. They feel that revising a story according to the likes and dislikes of an audience is somehow akin to prostitution. ... But come on, we’re talking about half a dozen people you know and respect. If you ask the right ones, they can tell you a lot.

“Do all opinions weigh the same? Not for me. In the end I listen most closely to [my wife], because she’s the one I write for, the one i want to wow. If you’re writing primarily for one person besides yourself, I advise you pay very close attention to that person’s opinion. And if what you hear makes sense, then make the changes. You can’t let the whole world into your story, but you can let in the ones that matter the most. And you should.”

I think, especially in the age of prolific fanfiction in which the author usually updates as they write the story, the author feels a lot of pressure from their readers. Readers chomping at the bit for the main characters to have a naughty scene, or demanding to know about that one secret thing that you keep alluding to. A lot of fanfic writers struggle to tow the line of “writing a good story based on reader feedback” and “pandering.” 

My advice to fanfic writers out there is to tell those thirsty readers to read a one-shot if they’re looking for a quick fix of smut, and to have some goddamn patience. You’re trying to tell a story, one that builds and progresses, and that takes time. Don’t give in to those “OMG MAKE THEM KISS ALREADY” reviews. But if a lot of readers say something like, “I feel like this character wouldn’t do that,” then perhaps you should re-evaluate that. 

On Pace and Reducing Glut

“Formula: 2nd Draft = 1st Draft - 10%.”

So now you have your first draft done. You have your feedback from your trusted betas. And now you need to go and make the final changes. 

King states that you should rely on your most trusted betas to gauge whether or not your story is paced correctly and if you’ve handled the back story in satisfactory fashion. “Pace” is the speed at which your narrative unfolds. 

”There is a kind of unspoken (hence undefended and unexamined) belief in publishing circles that the most commercially successful stories are novels are fast-paced. I guess the underlying thought is that people have so many things to do today, and are so easily distracted from the printed word, that you’ll lose them unless you become a kind of short-order cook, serving up sizzling burgers, fries, and eggs over easy just as fast as you can. 

“But you can overdo the speed thing. Move too fast and you risk leaving the reader behind, either by confusing or by wearing him/her out. ... I believe each story should be allowed to unfold at its own pace, and that pace is not always double time. Nevertheless, you need to beware--if you slow the pace down too much, even the most patient reader is apt to grow restive.”

So how can you strike a happy medium? Rely on your most trusted betas and their input. King says, “Every story and novel is collapsible to some degree. If you can’t get out ten percent of it while retaining the basic story and flavor, you’re not trying very hard. The effect of judicious cutting is immediate and often amazing. You’ll feel it and your betas will too.”

On backstory, King issues some opinions and advice:

It’s important to get the backstory in as quickly as possible, but it’s also important to do it with some grace.

A reader is more interested in what’s going to happen instead of what already did.

Even when you tell your story in a straightforward manner, you’ll discover you can’t escape at least some backstory. 

“The most important things to remember about backstory are that (a) everyone has a history and (b) most of it isn’t very interesting. Stick to the parts that are, and don’t get carried away with the rest.”

Source: King, Stephen. On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. Hodder, 2012.

#creative writing #creative writing methodology #creative writing theory #writing #write #writer #author #writeblr #how to write #writing tips #writing advice #writing resources #fiction #horror #fantasy #fanfiction #writing fiction #writing horror #writing fantasy #writing fanfiction #writing anything #revision #story revision #rough draft #story editing #stephen king #writing prompts for friends notes from on writing

[ohnobjyx]

Plum blossoms in the snow (II)

Part 4: April and May (II)

Disclaimer: I try to keep things objective (if I include my personal opinion, it’s in cursive and in brackets), but I’m biased because of the XZ friendly content I’m usually exposed to and by my own views of their situation. Open to discussion, but please make sure you’ve enough information to do so.

(There was a mistake in the last post, that an anon pointed out. I’ve edited the post. Thank you!)

In May, some of the controversy resurfaced, in the topic of how idols and celebrities affect the younger generations, and, even how they affect younger generations by affecting those in charge of their education.

TV documentary

At the beginning of May, a documentary appeared on the news about a mother worried for her high school daughter, who neglected her studies “because she was infatuated with XZ”. Among other things, she’d ask for money to buy XZ’s new song (0’5 by the way) and she’d borrow money from her classmates to buy things he endorses.

Her daughter also appeared on the documentary, saying that her academic performance has nothing to do with XZ, but rather with the pandemic situation, as she’s not used to online classes. It turned out that she had skipped a grade, and entered high school directly from 2nd year of middle school, so she lacked the support of a network of friends and encouragement in her new situation. She said that as soon as she got her motivation back, she’d keep studying.

However, general public sided with her mother, and said that this kind of obsession with an idol was leading the youths astray.

Interview with Economic View

XZ also gave an interview, for the first time since 2/27, for Economic View, alking about many topics, the “XZ fans incident” among them (I found this video with subtitles, and I think the subtitles are quite good).

He said, among other things:

“Everything happened in the climax of the country’s fight against the epidemic. I was deeply troubled and worried while I was quarantined at home. I also felt very if this incident has brought trouble to netizens. If that’s the case, from here, I want to say a sincere ‘I’m sorry’.

Since my debut to now, I’ve never ceased to receive well-meaning criticism and guidance. I went from being a normal person to go on to the stage. From my friends, from seniors… I’m always open to them. But of course, there is malicious criticism, some fake rumours and slander, that I think don’t affect just me, but also my friends and family. I don’t feel wronged. I just don’t understand.

When I was 19-20, and I first used w/ibo, I didn’t realize. That in such a public platform, I made inappropriate comments that have hurt other people. I apologize for the consequences of the inappropriate comments I’ve made in the past.”

He also said that the fans always did public welfare projects in his name, and that he got energy from them.

“I hope fans can live their own lives well, and don’t resort to extreme actions to hurt others or themselves.”

This interview was of course praised for showing responsibility and answering almost all questions. We can all notice that his responses are very carefully worded, that he takes his time thinking about what he’s going to say and how, and that his answers are very calculated. Don’t misunderstand me. He did it very well in this interview, and I don’t think he was insincere, but he needed to be very careful about what he said at the time.

Other idols and their sasaengs

On the 9th of May, WYB posted the following:

“I work very hard, can’t I even nap for a bit in the car? My staff stood in front of your car, and you still dared to drive forward? For a long time, strangers come and knock my hotel room’s door, they install tracking devices in my car, there’s people following me no matter where I go… unbelievable! I really can’t understand you!”

A crazy fan had followed him on her car. When the security had tried to stop her, stepping in front of her car, she still tried to drive forward.

To this, UNIQ OFFICIAL account expressed their support like this:

“Against this kind of vile behaviour, report to the police! Let the law investigate their legal responsibility! To those who go against other people’s security and don’t respect your privacy, zero tolerance!”

The teacher’s incident

On the 10th, XZ posted:

“Please listen to me carefully once more! I wish you to take good care of your studies, careers, personal lives, and to place them before “chasing stars”. Study hard, take your job seriously. Be responsible and assume your obligations, follow the rules of your career and abide by professionalism. I don’t your help.”

This message may seem harsh to some of their fans. So, why did XZ publish such a comment?

A primary school teacher had posted a video of his students cheering for XZ. This angered a lot of netizens, who said that she was using a position of power to “indoctrinate” young children to like this idol. The haters affirmed that she was guiding the children to “chase” stars, and that she’s a bad influence (I actually agree with this one, you really shouldn’t do this in a classroom, but to involve XZ again is going too far).

XZ and the teacher were reported to the authorities. The Ministry of Education answered that the teacher had been suspended from her job and the school’s director had received a formal reprimand. The teacher’s w/ibo account had also been blocked. This is the main reason for XZ’s post.

Talking about unreasonable responses, after this incident with the teacher, the next day the topic “XZ’s supertopic teachers group” went on hot search in w/ibo. A group consisting of more than 1000 teachers, all fans of XZ, had been formed inside the supertopic. This was widely questioned by the netizens and haters.

To be fair, this didn’t happen just to XZ. Around the same time, another video emerged, with a teacher encouraging his kindergarten students to cheer for Wang Junkai. So with this incident, the Ministry of Education started to pay attention to similar content.

On the 14th, XZ forwarded an article by People’s Daily about teachers using their students to cheer for their idols and asking 

“Don’t go beyond the limits of your professionalism. Don’t leave the circle of rationalism. The fan quan can’t circle everything” (”quan” means circle)

Many more teachers were reported, and in response, the XZ’s fans association posted this:

“There are many voices criticizing XZ’s fans right now. We accept the criticism. XZ has told his fans to “pursue the idols” in a civilized and rational way, but some still display unreasonable behaviour. These actions have a great negative impact on him. We apologize to him and to other fans in their name.”  

This even extended to a teacher teaching a course of cyber-violence. She used XZ as an example of cyber violence and haters’ attack. This was brought again to the authorities by the haters, and she was suspended from her job. Luckily, her students and their parents were very supportive and defended her, so she came back to her post.

(This was just ridiculous. Really).  

This is quite a curious thing: even though we can see that objectively, this teacher didn’t do anything wrong, the department deemed her at fault due to the large number of reports.  

(It’s a thinking that goes along the lines of “if a lot of people think she has done something wrong, then she must have done something wrong”.)

So if haters can’t find anything to criticize in XZ, they’ll turn to his fans.

More support...

15th of May. A screenwriter and director posted a comment praising XZ and lamenting about his situation. The next day, he updated saying that he had been attacked in private comments because of his post, so he was very angry by it (he was angry with haters, not with xz).

On that day a photographer that had worked with him also praised him, saying he was humble and polite. He was also attacked by haters and antis, saying he had only praised XZ out of all the idols he had worked with, so he had to have ulterior motives, such as being paid by his studio or insulting the other idols in disguise.

People noticed that if someone defends XZ, no matter who they are, they’ll be attacked. No matter what XZ does, he’ll be criticized by some. If he doesn’t do anything, the haters turn on to his fans. Hater were trying to destroy every effort he made, and they managed it easily at first. After each appearance in public, he faces all kinds of comments. So conspiracy theories surged, about a mastermind behind the haters.

Even the lawyer that was managing XZ’s case was attacked by haters.

(Who in his right state of mind calls a lawyer with their own mobile phone to insult them? This logic and rationale amazes me…)

... and a little disappointment

At the end of May, the photos of him filming a episode of the season 2 of 青春环游记 were leaked on S/na News. He did participate in the recording, but the episode didn’t include him in the end (aired mid-June). A worker said they had been feeling pressure from various fronts, and finally felt that it’d be best not to include him (I suppose they feared the pressure from the antis).

In the midst of disappointment, his fans mostly reacted by keeping a positive attitude: “he posted two selfies lately, he shot a cute video making a drink (the douyin video), he seems in a good mood in all them. With them he was trying to cheer us fans. He has told us not to be used by others, not to get carried away by antis, not believe rumours, and to not be suspicious of his studio. What’s an episode in a variety show? He got paid anyway just for recording it. Let’s not cry over it.”

Truly, in spite of everything that happened at February and March, I think this is the kind of comments he deserves from his fans: people who are a little bit sad because he didn’t make it to the episode in the end, but who are still supporting him, waiting for his next project and listening to what he says.

←Part 4 (I): Plum blossoms in the snow (I) | Part 5 and 6: A snowy summer→

#gg's situation #part 4 of 7 (II) #my post

[mulanxiaojie]

Since the coronavirus arrived this spring in the United States, there has been an uptick in acts of violence and prejudice toward Asian-Americans. For many, these incidents represent a compounded bigotry: they are wrongly blamed for the virus, and they are lumped together as a single group. The term “Asian-American” masks profound national and cultural differences in the name of representation. We asked 11 illustrators of Asian descent to create a self-portrait, reflecting on their heritage, their stories of immigration, and how they identify as an Asian-American. The self-portrait is a complex form of representation. Through facial expression, posture, brushstroke and color, the artist attempts to explore the perception of culture and self. These portraits convey how the artists see themselves and are an interpretation of how they believe they are perceived by others.

🇨🇳 🇺🇸

Shuhua Xiong BORN IN SHANGHAI, CHINA TO CHINESE PARENTS

“My parents are among many other Asian parents who cannot express their feelings/love straight. Before I grew to understand that, I hardly felt loved. Instead of saying “Good job” my parents would say sarcastically I could be better. After I grew up and absorbed more American culture. I learned to be more expressive, and I started to appreciate my parents’ subtlety of expressing love. It’s quiet but it’s stronger.”

🇮🇩 🇨🇳 🇺🇸

Gabrielle Widjaja AMERICAN BORN TO CHINESE-INDONESIAN PARENTS

“My Asian-American experience is defined by memorizing the lyrics to Jay Chou songs without knowing their translations, and learning how to play mahjong, because my Mandarin proficiency starts at Chinese numbers and stops at cardinal directions. The exciting part is that one’s relationship to culture is never clearly defined. It ebbs and flows; it is constantly evolving.”

🇨🇳 🇺🇸

Sally Deng AMERICAN BORN TO CHINESE PARENTS

“Like many children of immigrants, I was taught the value of good work ethics by watching my parents toil and overcome endless hardships. I believe I am celebrating my Asian-American culture and honoring my parents as well.”

🇭🇰 🇺🇸

Joan Wong AMERICAN BORN TO HONG KONG PARENTS

“Public school was my first exposure to Western customs. I learned English in school and spoke Cantonese at home. I ate cafeteria PB&J for lunch and rice for dinner. I don’t remember a time where the duality of my identity was not on my mind. I felt a stronger desire to return to my roots. It’s a shift I’ve witnessed not only in myself, but in Asian-Americans as a whole. In the last couple of years we have become more visible and more heard. It has made me feel less alone and injected me with more pride.”

🇹🇼 🇨🇳 🇺🇸

Josh Cochran CHINESE-AMERICAN BORN IN OREGON; LIVED IN TAIWAN

My mother is Chinese, my father is American. I spent my childhood on the tropical island of Taiwan. Years later, when we moved to the States, I would become obsessed with how others would perceive me. In many ways those memories growing up in Taiwan really formed my identity and left a strong impression on who I am today, even after making my own path all these years later. My identity has become one of the things I’ve thought about my entire life.”

🇹🇼 🇺🇸

Ruru Kuo BORN IN TAIWAN

“I want people to know that I’m just a normal girl, nothing different between other American girls and me. We are all girls, humans! I work hard; it’s not because I’m Asian, just because I work hard to achieve my goal. I do care how people perceive me, and I want people to know me through my work, not just from my appearance.”

🇲🇲 🇯🇵 🇺🇸

Hisham Akira Bharoocha BORN IN NIIGATA, JAPAN TO JAPANESE-BURMESE PARENTS WHO WERE IMMIGRANTS.

“I relate well to my Japanese friends who live in the U.S.A. because most of us have spent more time here than in Japan, and we have conversations about the cultural adjustments we had to go through. I do use my speaking skills and Japanese manners to make people feel comfortable, but when I do any work-related projects there, I feel comfortable bringing in my Western side by firmly expressing my opinions. The Japanese people who moved here are able to connect to the whole world instead of staying inside a small island culture.”

🇵🇭 🇺🇸

Illi Ferandez AMERICAN BORN TO FILIPINO PARENTS

“The roots of my experiences have taught me that I wouldn’t be where I am had my parents not left the comforts of home to come here and plant a flag on a small piece of America, just like every other American before them.”

🇰🇷 🇺🇸

Dan-ah Kim BORN IN SEOUL, KOREA TO KOREAN PARENTS

“Being an immigrant kid came with certain challenges, but I think about how easy I have it compared to my parents. I was grateful to have access to two languages, to know different cultures. Even if it made the journey tougher, my world was bigger for it.”

🇻🇳 🇦🇺 🇺🇸

Matt Huynh BORN IN AUSTRALIA TO VIETNAMESE PARENTS AND MIGRATED TO THE U.S.

“When I encounter specific and authentic examples of my family’s culture as Vietnamese and migrants in my life today, it feels both like a homecoming and a vulnerable exposure. As a first-generation Vietnamese-Australian in America, I identify and experience the world as a migrant from a family of migrants, living with the far-reaching repercussions of war.”

🇰🇷 🇺🇸

Dadu Shin 2ND GENERATION AMERICAN BORN TO KOREAN PARENTS

“As an Asian-American, I was constantly attempting to assimilate into communities that would inevitably exclude me. Amongst my white American peers, I would always be a representation of a different culture. To my peers in Korea, I was a foreigner who just happened to look like them. I was a foreigner to them, and they were foreigners to me.”

#far east #new york times #article #asian pasian #chinese #third culture kid #third culture chinese #immigrant #nytimes #asian american

[jnlnyaface]

The Rise of Skywalker...Thoughts...

I finally bit the bullet and saw “The Rise of Skywalker” in theaters. I have some thoughts...

Spoilers Obviously!!!!!

My general review is that the whole time I was in the theater all I could think about was how much better it would’ve been if this movie and “The Last Jedi” were combined and divided in two. By that I mean, there were so many things in this movie that would’ve worked better if they were done in the 2nd movie and then built upon in this one. There were things in the 2nd movie that I thought would’ve worked great in this one. 

Have you ever taken a creative writing class and the teacher gives you a sentence to start a story and 2 mins to write. When your time is up you pass the paper back and continue the story the person in front of you wrote on their paper. And you keep going until everybody in your row has written a piece of each story. Do you remember reading that story and how one kid turned it into a fairytale and then the next into a horror show? And the last kid was left to try to put a bow on it and call it one cohesive story?That’s what this trilogy felt like. 

Here are some quick thoughts before we dive in:

1. Finn being force sensitive *chef’s kiss*

2. Poe-Finn-Rey relationship = actual gold

3. I can now understand why people ship Poe and Finn

4. Even though the story was all over the place the effects with Rey and the Emperor were creepy in a good way

5. Overall I wasn’t as disappointed as I thought I would be but there’s so much that could have been done to make it better.

More under the cut!

Ok guys! Here’s where we do the deep dive. I’m pretty much going to outline all the problems I had with the film, why and what I think they could have done to make it better.

1. The whole Rey Palpatine thing - even though I (and many other people) wasn’t the biggest fan of “The Last Jedi” (because it was just one long car chase where nothing really happened) I did like the idea that Rey didn’t come for a force sensitive family. 

I thought it would be cool if the stronger Kylo got on the dark side, Rey got equally as strong on the light side to keep balance in the force. (Like the force itself chose someone to keep balance, someone random) I didn’t like the way it was handled, him just saying it in an offhand way, but I thought it was a good choice. To backtrack and have her be Palpatine’s granddaughter was more than a little ridiculous and way too rushed. If they would’ve introduced this possibly in one of the last two movies that would’ve been fine. But a third movie plot twist? Why?

2. Finn - There are some topics in my life that I feel like I could literally write a college level dissertation on and the treatment of Finn is this trilogy is definitely one of them. Finn was teased so heavily before “The Force Awakens” and ended up being a misdirect for Rey being the real hero/chosen one. I was ok with that because Rey and Finn were so intent on being together. That meant, to me, that throughout the trilogy they would be with each other. They became each other’s family and they weren’t going to let the other go. Then TLJ happened and they were seperated for most of the movie. Why would you separate characters with such great chemistry? (They actually separated all three of the main trio in their own storylines. The problem with this? They never got a chance to be all together and build up their bond (as a trio) before they’re separated.) 

This would’ve been fine (ish) if Finn’s storyline wasn’t a side quest of epic proportions. He’s one of the MAIN CHARACTERS and he went to a planet to get a thing for reasons. WTF?! (I will concede he did have some ok character development but it didn’t happen until the very end of the movie) Then they hint that he’s force sensitive and do nothing with it. I’m with the group that believes he moved the rocks at the end of TLJ when he ran to Rey and that was the first hint of his force sensitivity. I was hoping he would be training with her by the time the 3rd movie started (it was a long shot but one can dream). It’s obviously more explicit in TROS but nothing comes of it. He doesn’t have some big moment where he uses his powers and saves someone. He doesn’t have some confusing moment where he’s wondering what’s happening to him. Nothing! He just senses some stuff and exists. 

He really doesn’t even add much to the plot of the movie itself. He’s once again benched but they give him busy work to make it seem like he’s actually contributing. John Boyega is an excellent actor and their underuse of him is criminal. 

3. The Knights of Ren - Soooooo..... What’s up guys? In the first movie they talk about Kylo and his Knights of Ren being amazing then in the second movie they are never mentioned. Now in TROS they are there lurking in the shadows and....doing nothing. They seemed like they would be these fierce badasses but they get beat while by Kylo while he pretty much has one hand tied behind his back. Wha...

4. Kylo and Rey - I have very many problems with Kylo and Rey. Like so so so many. My biggest one is the kiss. Not necessarily that it happened just that it made zero sense. Yes they had a connection throughout the trilogy but why would that have to translate to romance? Why is it that when a female hero tries to redeem a male villain (or anti-hero) it means she wants to smash? Rey should have been allowed to want to save Kylo/Ben without having to fall for him. I asked a question on here a while back (when I was still contemplating whether or not I wanted to go see the movie). 

I asked why people ship/started shipping Reylo. None of the answers I got gave me an “aha” type moment. You know that moment when you’re like “oh I get it now” (not that it changes your mind about the couple just that you understand why that person likes them so much). I didn’t get that at all for the answers I got. Some people said “because of their connection through the force” and I’m like ok...and? Why does that mean romance? 

I have never seen him as anything more that a homicidal villain. I always thought their connection was a way for the audience and Rey to get to know Kylo so he wouldn’t be some one dimensional villain. I never saw them in a romantic light. In my opinion that final kiss could’ve been a hug and it would’ve had the same effect. (Or he could’ve just died. I would’ve been fine with that too)

5. Kylo Redemption - My problem with his “redemption” arc is that he didn’t earn it. He literally started the movie taking out an entire battalion by himself to get the pyramid thing. In the first movie he ordered his troops to destroy a whole village of innocent people. After killing Snoke he didn’t disband the first order he just took over and reaffirmed his commitment to the dark side. He killed his father, tortured Rey and Poe and the only reason why he wanted to help Palpatine was to get the fleet he was offering. But then in the 3rd(?) act Leia dies, Rey almost kills him, he has a conversation with the ghost/memory of his dad and suddenly he wants to be a good person again? Kylo is dead and Ben is just back? 

The thing is (in my opinion) every great redemption story starts with the person admitting they were wrong and asking for forgiveness. Then putting in the work to earn that forgiveness. Or at least acknowledging they were wrong and dying for the greater good. But Kylo/Ben never acknowledge the mistakes he made, he never asked for forgiveness, he didn’t do anything the showed he should be redeemed. (But he didn’t shoot on Leia’s ship in TLJ and he and Rey fought together on Snoke’s ship) wow he did one not terrible thing and fought with Rey so he could take over the first order. I’m not seeing how that creates a redemption arc for him. 

I’m going to expand on this more in my next point but I think if he just fully embraced his villainy it would’ve been better. If he killed Palpatine and became the final boss I think that would’ve been more interesting than a last minute turn as a good guy then dying.  

6. Finnrey - When I said I was going to expand on that what I meant was: I’m going to tell you what I think should’ve happened in regards to FinnRey and how they should’ve been handled. In no other movie/book/tv show/short story/play will you see the main female actress and the main male actor not get together. It was so heavily hinted that Finn and Rey had/were going to have romantic feelings for each other (they were supposed to be our Han and Leia) and this was just forgotten about so abruptly. 

Even in the second movie, the first thing Finn thinks about is Rey when he wakes up. He wants to get the beacon as far away from the resistance’s ships as possible so when she gets back she won’t be in danger with the rest of the fleet. And Rey talking to Chewie before she goes onto the ship “tell him I said...” what did Chewie say? Who speaks wookie? This movie was such a great opportunity to expand on that relationship and what do we get? Nothing...again. They didn’t even have one full conversation. Ok but why though? Don’t even get me started on the whole quicksand incident. Why wouldn’t he be telling her he loved her? Why is that such an absurd possibility? This is what has been hinted at for 2 movies and now...? Sensing a theme when it comes to hints involving Finn? Yeah me too. 

There was a comment or article that I read somewhere that talked about Finn getting knocked out in the first movie during the final battle. This person said it was unfair because of the bait and switch in regards to the trailers teasing Finn vs Rey being the force sensitive in the movie. And I thought “wouldn’t it be cool if Finn and Rey fought Kylo together?”. I don’t just mean that one battle I mean throughout the whole trilogy. Wouldn’t it have been interesting if Kylo and Rey were connected because they were the equals in the dark and light sides of the force and if Rey and Finn were connected because they were a force dyad? That way if Kylo was going to be the ultimate final boss Finn and Rey could train/fight/work together to beat him once and for all. I thought that would be much more compelling. They didn’t even necessarily have to become a romantic pairing. 

I’m ok with subverting the, every series ends with a romance trope (even though it seems like the only time this trope is subverted is when a character of color is involved) but in this last movie Finn did little more than follow Rey around the galaxy and call her name when crap was going down. At least if you have force sensitive Finn, who has trained with and is connected to Rey he can actually help her instead of standing around staring the whole time. I, of course am a FinnRey shipper so I was disappointed when they didn’t get together but I’ve had plenty of other ships disappoint me in the past so this was nothing. I just wish they would have communicated for longer than two collective minutes in the 2.5 hour movie. They had such a great relationship/friendship. It was one of the best things about the first movie and it just evaporated in this movie with no real explanation.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These were some of my thoughts about Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. I didn’t write this to offend anyone so if I did I’m sorry. I just needed to get this off my chest. I really got into the Stars Wars fandom with TFA and it has been a rollercoaster ride ever since. I try to reserve judgement on a series until it is over, since middle movies can be kind of boring because they’re trying to move the plot forward. I like to wait until the story is done before I say whether or not I liked it and this well...I’m still not sure. 

#star wars #star wars the force awakens #star wars the last jedi #star wars the rise of skywalker #tfa #tlj #tros #finnrey #reylo #anti reylo #anti tros #it's not really anti reylo but it's not pro them either #rey #rey skywalker #finn #finn star wars #kylo ren #ben solo #poe dameron #rant #long post #thank you for coming to my ted talk

[a-crimson-lion]

A Rant About Katsuki Bakugo

[Katsuki-stans and the like, you should probably steer clear from this.]

[Also, spoilers.]

Before we start, I want to make something clear: you are allowed to have your own opinions. You like Katsuki? Great! You disagree with my post or parts of it? That's fine! You can have your opinions and interpretations, and I can have mine. That's completely okay! Again, if these types of posts make you uncomfortable, feel free to leave. It's as simple as that. These are just my personal observations; you don't have to take them to heart! These types of arguments are... touchy, I'll admit, but they don't have to be a hell-scape. You got that? Good. Now then...

...let's begin.

P.S. Long Post. You've been warned...

I'll start by saying that Katsuki Bakugo never really appealed to me when I got into the series. I'll admit that I've only gotten to Season 3 in the anime (waiting on Season 4) and I've read up to the end of the Shie Hassaki arc in the manga (I have also had the burden of being bombarded with manga spoilets, but eh, c'est la vie). With that said, I still haven't come to like Katsuki. Telling Izuku to kill himself in episode one has only guaranteed that he'll never be far up on my favorite character lists. I will admit that he is definitely NOT the same character he was at the start, but even then, when compared to fellow classmates and other characters, his growth is miniscule. I get that it won't be an immediate overnight change for Katsuki, but when he's compared to characters like Tenya and Shoto, it's clear that his progression as a character really isn't all that. There are a few things that bother me with just his character in general, but let's start with this:

Handling Katsuki's actions and the consequences

One of the many arguments for Katsuki's character is as follows: "Yeah, he hasn't been explicitly punished for his actions, but the narrative makes sure to punish him with karma!" I used to believe this too, and I actually thought it was helping him develop into a better character. Except, it hasn't. 'Cause Katsuki has barely learned anything from those experiences other than "I'm weak," which is another problem for later. Let's review:

The Sludge Villain Incident. Katsuki gets caught and fails to escape, Izuku tries saving Katsuki, All Might ends up saving them both. Izuku gets scolded by the pros for his "reckless actions" (even though they didn't do anything, the lack of a proper quirk is no excuse) while Katsuki gets praise, which he blatantly ignores because he's pissed at Izuku. He then proceeds to follow Izuku home and tell him that he didn't need saving, even though he likely would have died or have been captured by the sludge villain had no one intervened. And before you tell me that Katsuki stopped bothering Izuku for a while, that wasn't because he recognized that Izuku did something right, it was because Katsuki was busy sulking at the fact that he's only getting noticed by being a victim, which he hates, and he proceeds to direct that anger towards himself. Once again, the only message he gets from this is that he's weak, even though most people are, in one way or another.

The Battle Trail. After Katsuki loses the Battle Trail to Izuku, he proceeds to nearly have a panic attack before getting a small pep talk from All Might and later Izuku. He isn't rectified for nearly KILLING, and if not that then nearly SEVERELY INJURING, another student. Katsuki didn't cooperate with his partner, which was the point of the exercise, and instead decided to do his own thing, which ultimately helped bring about their team's downfall. Again, he recieves no punishment beyond nearly losing his cool and self-loathing. All Might's justification for continuing the Trial is also kinda wack (THE BOY USED HIS HIGHLY DESTRUCTIVE FIREARM AGAINST ANOTHER STUDENT AFTER BEING TOLD NOT TO). Then, instead of a proper punishment, All Might tries comforting him, and Izuku even tries telling him about One for All (though arguably he'd be fine not knowing about it, and he hasn't told anyone else). Katsuki's takeaway from the entire thing is that he'll get stronger and surpass his classmates, which in some cases is admirable, but in this case, it's downright egotistical. No one can be the best at everything, not even All Might.

The Sports Festival, pre-tournament. Katsuki is pissed when he gets 3rd in the obstacle course. Katsuki yells like a disgruntled toddler when his team gets 2nd place (even though that means he gets to advance).

The Sports Festival, Round One. Remember that whole karma argument? Well, that goes out the window when Katsuki just makes a bigger explosion to counter Ochako's well thought out plan in order to win the match. I get it, not every plan you'll ever come up with will always succeed in the face of adversity, but where the hell did that big explosion come from any way? Shoto curb-stomped Hanta in an earlier match, but he was pissed at Endeavor, and he even apologizes afterwards. Izuku broke out of Hitoshi's mind control because One for All isn't exactly a by the book quirk. Katsuki... just creates a bigger explosion because he's strong? Really? IDK guys, it just doesn't carry the same weight as the first two examples. Also, yes Katsuki was pushing close to his limit, but that never comes up again in the rest of the Sports Festival or even the manga until he and Izuku are going up against All Might. His "weaknesses" aren't treated on the same scale as his fellow classmates, which, in the series' case, should be on equal footing.

The Sports Festival, Final Round. Katsuki basically wore down Eijiro in the second match (which is what Ochako almost did but of course Horikoshi can't give Katsuki some proper reprocussions), and then because his quirk produces light, Katsuki easily deals with Fumikage in the third match. He then proceeds to beat Shoto in the final round, and loses his shit. Now, I might be able to kind of understand where Katsuki is coming from, had it not been for the glaring fact that Katsuki listened in on Shoto's Tragic Backstory(TM). He knows that Shoto has difficulties using his fire side, but the second he uses it against Izuku, suddenly all Katsuki can think about is how he wants to beat Shoto at full strength, even though Shoto's situation is not an overnight issue. Katsuki doesn't see this however. He thinks Shoto is mocking him, which is simply not the case, but Katsuki is too self-centered to care. He ends up winning the festival, but he feels like he doesn't earn it just because Shoto couldn't get past his daddy issues just yet. When you put it like that, Katsuki just looks downright petty.

Sports Festival Finale. This is where most people tend to take Katsuki's side, but I have my counterarguments about the issue. Did Katsuki have the right to be mad? Arguably yes, but he could have simply sucked up his anger and waited until after the Festival was done to lash out, and we all know he didn't do that. Midnight had to knock him out just so he could get his hands off of Shoto. Should the teachers have restrained Katsuki like they did? Arguably no, but remember, this is a super-powered society. Maybe someone could have held Katsuki back if there weren't quirks, but Katsuki has freaking grenades for hands, and he has no qualms about blowing up Shoto simply because he didn't come at him with full strength. So restraining him, while unsightly, was probably one of the few ways to keep Katsuki from going apeshit at the Festival, considering the circumstances and Katsuki's behavior.

Katsuki's Internship. Best Jeanist is one of the few characters in the series to note Katsuki's less than ideal behavior. He gets a lot of flack for it , though, because how dare someone hurt the precious explodo-boy! Oh yeah, defend the kid with a massive ego and noticeable anger issues that go beyond comic relief. Besides, what did Jeanist exactly do besides this? Ruin Katsuki's hairdo? Make him wear jeans? Give him actually compotent advice on how heroes should act and interact with the public? The first one I might get, but other than that, Jeanist deserves no hate. To make matters worse, Katsuki learned nothing from his internship! Which segues perfectly into our next point...

Racing Assessment Post-Internships. Once the kiddos get back from their internships, All Might has them do another hero exercise, and the rest of the class gets to see how Izuku has improved. My problem with this is that they immediately compared his improvement to Katsuki's style. I personally don't see it, and I'll admit that Izuku probably borrowed fundamental bits of Katsuki's strategy, but all in all, Izuku came up with Full Cowl on his own. It shouldn't be linked directly to Katsuki the way it is in the series. We also get a nice quick monolouge from Katsuki about how he wasted his time during his internship, even though that was Katsuki's fault! Geez, what an ego...

Final Exams. I won't sugar coat it: Katsuki gets his ass handed to him by All Might. He comes out of that experience with injuries, but you know what? So does Izuku. And if I remember correctly, Katsuki was the only one who wasn't initially willing to cooperate. By God, Katsuki smacked Izuku with his gauntlet just because he was trying to talk. Even though getting through the escape gate is considered a legitimate way to pass the exam, Katsuki is too engrossed with beating All Might (THE NUMBER ONE HERO) to see that, and actually contemplated losing just because he was working with Izuku and refused to accept his help. It took Izuku decking Katsuki in the face for him to start remotely cooperating with his teammate. Izuku was the real MVP in all of this. And what does Katsuki get for his actions? He just passes. No talk afterwards. No reprimanding for his refusal to cooperate. No remidal lessons at camp. Nothing to help better Katsuki. What's worse is the reason for pairing up Izuku with Katsuki. Look, I get that the teachers don't know about their past, but Katsuki doesn't get along well with anyone in the class, except maybe Eijiro, and even that relationship is flimsy! Izuku would be willing to work with anyone, even with Katsuki. So what's the friggin' point!? Just pair Katsuki and Izuku with literally anyone else in the class besides each other! Maybe then he'd learn a thing or two about teamwork, yeesh...

Deku vs Kacchan 2. The Training Camp Ambush happens. The Provisional License Exam happens. Katsuki is not treated well through either, and he ultimately takes his growing frustrations out on Izuku. Now, I was glad that Katsuki didn't pass solely because he didn't approach the later part of the exam with what would be considered a hero's attitude. But then his fight with Izuku happens. It ends, and they both get punished, but Katsuki also learns about OFA, which I personally believes is unnecessary since there are virtually multiple candidates who deserve to learn about it more, and it actually does nothing for Katsuki as a character, but that's a discussion for another day. What really gets me going is on how Katsuki is portrayed during the fight. If you've seen the anime or read the manga, you know the scene where he asks Izuku why he was the reason for All Might's end. I'll admit, it actually got to me the first time through; Katsuki actually appeared human to me. But I think @itsclydebitches said it best in their own post analyzing Katsuki, which you can read here. Here's an excerpt:

"Now let’s make something clear: Bakugo obviously has feelings beyond anger and disdain. Of course he does. I’m not arguing that he’s a sociopath and like I mentioned back during the sludge incident, you can be scared and upset and still be a terrible person. So many people read this scene and immediately jumped on the ‘hug Bakugo’ bandwagon. The poor baby! He’s been blaming himself for All Might’s retirement this whole time!

Is that awful? Does it need to be addressed? Yes. However, you know who else is carrying misplaced guilt? 

Literally everyone else in 1-A. 

Izuku also blames himself for All Might’s retirement. We get a whole internal monologue on how if he hadn’t crushed his arms again he might have reached Bakugo in time and then none of this would have happened. Todoroki and Shoji also blame themselves for not reaching Bakugo in time. Tsu blames herself for not stopping her friends from walking into danger. It’s implied that other kids blame themselves for not tagging along. Everyone wonders what else they could have done to change things. 

I could go on. The point is, misplaced guilt is horrible but it doesn’t make Bakugo special. It’s not a free pass to excuse his behavior, especially when this all just happened. All Might’s retirement has no bearing on everything that came before that. When Tsu felt guilty about her roll in all this she called everyone together to speak with them. Bakugo drags Izuku out to try and pummel him. Everyone is suffering in one way or another, but only one of these kids is dealing with that by hurting others."

When put into perspective, Katsuki's guilt is nothing special, nor is it an excuse. Eijiro felt guilty when Katsuki was kidnapped. Tsuyu felt guilty for reprimanding her friends for wanting to save Katsuki. Hell, if we go back to the Two Heroes movie, Izuku is shown to feel guilty about the fact that All Might's quirk is fading and David Shield doesn't know because he was never told about One for All. The list goes on, but I think we've covered most of the bases.

Plus, even after that entire fight, Katsuki proceeds to regress back to his initial behavior before and during the Shie Hassaikai arc. He doesn't want anyone getting ahead of him, so he expresses glee when the work studies might be cancelled. He wines and covers his ears like a toddler when he hears about Izuku getting ahead of him. Sure, he has a few soft moments, but they seem to be "one step forward, two steps back" sort of deals. They signify his character development, sure, but again, compared to others, it isn't much.

Well, I just finished covering why even the narrative hasn't properly handled Katsuki. Now let's move on to:

The Faulty Relationship Between Katsuki and Izuku

Now, their entire dynamic is arguably hot garbage, but I'll specifically be discussing the relationship between Katsuki and Izuku when it comes to being heroes: "Save to win, win to save" and all that stuff that happened after Deku vs. Kacchan 2.

Let me just start of by saying that Katsuki has done virtually nothing to understand this logic, at least during the beginning. While I will admit that Izuku and Katsuki's initial goals of saving and winning (respectively) are on point, in both their actions and some of their representation in the story (Katsuki only getting villain points, Izuku only getting rescue points), their development from that point is unfortunately unequal.

The thing is, Izuku has been actively working at winning part of being a hero. That's where the problem starts: if Izuku has been trying to learn how to win, Katsuki has learned virtually nothing on how to save. We can see this as early as the Entrance Exam Arc.

Let's look at the chronology of things from Izuku's perspective. He manages to pass the exam in resuce points by saving Ochako (save). He learns to slightly control his quirk during the ball toss, and manages to stay in U.A. even though he was dead last on the rankings (win). He manages to win the Battle Trial, albeit succumbing to his own injuries (win). Izuku is just trying to save people left and right during the USJ incident (save). Izuku dominates the Sports Festival Obstacle Course (win). Izuku helps his teammates during the cavalry battle, who in turn help him and the team advance to the tournament (win/save). Izuku manages to beat Hitoshi Shinsou (win). Izuku convinces Shoto to use his fire, and proceeds to lose the match (save). Izuku learns Full Cowl, allowing him to stop breaking his bones and use OFA more effectively (win/save). Izuku and company take on the Hero Killer (win/save). Izuku helps Katsuki pass the Final Exam by going back for him and dragging him out of the escape gate (win/save). Izuku manages to beat Muscular in order to save Kota (win/save). Izuku devises a plan to help save Katsuki, and later on helps encourage All Might (win/save). Izuku learns Shoot Style to ease the strain on his arms (win/save). Izuku passes the entire Provisional License Exam (win/save).

This is all before Deku vs Kacchan 2. Now, let's look at Katsuki's record:

Dominates the exam and gets first place by gaining 77 villain points (win). Gets thrid place in the Quirk Apprehension Test (win/loss(?)). Loses the Battle Trial while also refusing to cooperate with his teammate (loss). Tries blowing up Kurogiri even though Thirteen already had it covered; later on manages to corner Kurogiri just so the villains have nowhere to run (win/loss(?)). Comes in 3rd during the Sports Festival Obstacle Course (win/loss(?)). Barely knows his teammates and proceeds to act on his own interest while ordering his teammates around with a very small amount od human decency (win). Gets second place in the Cavalry Battle (win/loss(?)). Dominates in the tournament bracket, but is not satisfied with the final battle (win/loss(?)). Learns virtually nothing during his internship out of spite (loss). Refuses to cooperate with Izuku during the Final Exam, only passes because Izuku saves him (win/loss(?)). Refuses to head back to camp during a villain attack after being instructed to do so, ultimately gets captured (loss). Gets saved from the villains by his friends (win/indirect save). Learns AP Shot technique and its Auto Cannon variant (win). Passes the first half of the Provisional License Exam (win). Fails the second half due to his lack of concern for the "victims" (loss).

Which brings us back to Deku vs Kacchan 2. From what I presented above, it looks like Izuku is already dedicated to learning how to win. The problem is that Katsuki isn't learning how to save. That's probably because he's still learning how to lose. He's terrible at it, but Izuku has experience with losing because up until U.A., that's all he's been doing in the eyes of society. A loss doesn't bother Izuku unless he feels like he could have won/saved whatever his priority was at the time, like when Katsuki was kidnapped. Often when Izuku wins, it's tied with saving something. When Katsuki loses, it's either an offhanded win or just a straight up loss. That's something Katsuki isn't used to, and something the narrative hasn't managed to ammend. Mostly because Katsuki often wins more than he should if he wanted to get a better worldview, but that's only part of the problem.

As I said in a previous post, Katsuki's initial focus is solely on winning. Izuku's initial focus is solely on saving.

In Izuku's case, he also has the benefit of being open minded. If you tell him, "You have to win if you want to save," Izuku will understand that. Heck, most of his battles are often initiated because he wants to save something! Katsuki's winner mentality, however, isn't as open-ended. He wants to be the number one, end of story. No one can be stronger than him, and he'll get pissed at anyone who's "weaker" than him for whatever reason. Even if you tell him, "You have to save if you want to win," Katsuki won't fully understand that unless saving means winning Number One. That's the disconnect. Izuku will save in order to win anything. Katsuki will only win if the saving gets him to number one.

Izuku has possible standards. Katsuki's standards aren't possible, even for him.

Well, that's all I got for tonight. This post took a while, but I feel like I did good on my part. Before I completely sign off, let me leave you with this:

I honestly hope that Katsuki improves. But the thing is, I want to be shown that, not TOLD. I don't need Izuku or Class 1-A or Eraserhead or even All Might him-freaking-self telling me "Yeah, Katsuki's great!" and then proceed to see him still acting like a passive-aggressive (and sometimes flat out aggressive) asshole. I don't want him to be "soft" one moment for character development and then proceed to see him act like his usual jerkish self several moments later. I want to see Katsuki's improvement with my own two eyeballs, and for him to stick to it. I want him to progress, even in spurts, with virtually no regression. I want people to acknowledge his development, yes, but they shouldn't have to state or overstate it so many times that it feels fake. I want him to finally come to the conclusion that Winning Isn't Everything, and take that to heart.

When that happens, then I won't hate Katsuki. I might not like him significantly more, but I will have more respect for him. Until then, I'll just be here, enjoying the other parts of My Hero Academia that actually keep me invested in the story, like the protagonist, Izuku.

That's all from me. Have a good day/afternoon/evening, everyone.

-Crimson Lion (7 August 2019)

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #katsuki bakugo #katsuki bakugou #anti bakugo #anti bakugou #character analysis #discussion #meta #rant #vent #long post #late night post

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Otomate Party 2017 Collar x Malice Drama Translations

My first content post of the month... at 5:22 am for some ungodly reason i guess.... but I’ll start by asking you to please support me if you can either on ko-fi (https://ko-fi.com/V7V2W0HO) or through paypal (paypal.me/KumoriYami )…. also let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my looking for list since i don’t have the audio for those…..

Anyway I finally managed to finish this. Seriously wish i had translations for this as text instead of off a video since snipping everything than converting the pics of the subtitles into text is a serious pain in the ass.... As this is the first and only thing that I have translated for the cxm fandom, I will state:

I do not speak Japanese so this was translated from Chinese based on my bad Chinese and various mtl help (my limit on Japanese is the tiny bits picked up from anime... which I haven’t watched since 2009)

“[” and “]” are what I normally use for translator/personal notes/ways I think the text sounds better 

normal brackets and italics are usually used for alternate text suggestions based on the translated words themselves without extra words added or scene transition notes

My Chinese, in my opinion, is not particularly good when it comes to reading so there will probably be mistakes or things lost in translation (especially since this relied on finding someone else’s work of them translating this from Japanese into Chinese)

I will edit this later so expect grammar mistakes (I left quite a lot of those since I didn’t get punctuation for +75% of this) or things being left weirdly phrased.

I have taken images from the drama itself and put them into this post so that this makes more sense. 

Enjoy?

Collar x Malice Otomate Party 2017 Drama Translation [”ブレイクタイにプロフアイリング” Don’t have a Chinese translation for the name]

Translation by KumoriYami based on this video: https://www.bilibili.com/video/av25769645?from=search&seid=9170920068184056875

Yanagi (monologue): December. The serial murder incidents known to he world as X-Day.

During our investigation of the serial murders known to the world as the X-Day incidents, we believe the mastermind of the terrorist organization is targeting a woman named Hoshino Ichika, who is investigating them together with us.

Ending up in a situation/stalemate with no progress(/large breakthroughs) [is/will certainly?]-----

(stage lights up)

Enomoto: It's awful! Something's wrong!

Sasazuka: Shut up

Yanagi: Enomoto, open the door quietly.

Enamoto: Ah, sorry..... No, this is a big deal Yanagi-senpai!

Sasazuka: Yanagai-san.  Yanagi: Nn?

Sasazuka: Today's cookies aren't bad.

Yanagi: Okay/Yeah, having Sasazuka's approval sets me a ease. Can also give these to Hoshino---- [These can also be given to Hoshino---]

Enomoto: Please don't ignore me!

Enomoto: Anyway, Shiraishi-san he....!

Shiraishi: Miao~

Enomoto: (He's) become/turned into a cat! 

From a while ago/A moment ago, (he's) only been making cat sounds (and) not speaking----- [recently, he hasn't been saying anything aside from cat sounds]

Yanagi: Ha... Shiraishi, stop messing around with Enomoto.

Shiraishi: Really how cold.

Shiraishi: I think you should learn how to cooperate, Enoki-kun 

Enomoto: My name is Enomoto!

[I don't know Japanese but the subtitles left those bits in Japanese... so I just copied them over into the TL here. Also, according to Hermy The Wormy or nancy cheerleader #6 on the Otogetranslations' japanese-qa discord, the first kanji of Enomoto's name can be read as enoki, and enoki dake are a type of mushroom. ]

Enomoto: Hey, are you messing around with me again!?

Sasazuka: Today this brainless idiot is the same as usual.

Shiraishi: But/However, this type of person is unable to act [like a/n] food/idiot. /these type of people are not//cannot be fools by accident. [be stupid by accident]

Shiraishi: Also you two.... the [your] investigation(s) have stalled right?

Yanagi: What happened/What's going on for you to unexpectedly say/ask this? [literally: What happened, suddenly/unexpectedly, you do you want to say?]

Shiraishi: It's necessary to take a break from time to time. Shiraishi: When faced with a puzzle, fixed concepts/ideas/views/impressions can be the greatest enemy.

Yanagi: You only want us to vent our stress/release pressure, right? [take a break]

Shiraishi: haha, [you've] guessed correctly.

Shirashi: Even so, I'm also suffering from a lot of work/very distressed from work/worried about how busy I am. And because of this today, I was given advanced notice from a gentleman thief lupin [?????]

Shirashi:Oh, just like the one who is collared/so the one who is collared [rephrase later]

Shirashi: She seems to have gone out with Okazaki-kun to change her mood/mind [change of pace?]

Sasazuka: That stupid cat? Truly that's rare. /Truly how rare./That's rare.

Sasazuka: She's the type who seldom relaxes right?

Shiraishi: Yeah/that's right. As a result, she's become unwell.

Okazaki-kun found out and then handled it by going out.

Yanagi: Indeed, it's better for Hoshino to relax from time to time

Yanagi: Although he's an SP, being accompanied by Okazaki. That's....

Shiraishi: After all he is a police officer, I don't think he'll leave any evidence behind.

Enomoto: Nooo, that's not a way to rest?!

Shiraishi: let's go back to the earlier topic/let's go back to the previous conversation shall we?  I want to experiment you using criminal deduction/reasoning [Audio sounds more like profiling in ENG]

Yanagi: If you want to relax [have fun, go find someone else [go bother someone else]. Don't involve us.

Shiraishi: You need my ability as a criminal profiler don't you? Wouldn't it be a shame if I couldn't use it at a critical moment?

Sasazuka: Yanagi-san. I think constantly fighting this is a waste of time.

Yanagi: Ha.....Indeed. [do?] whatever you want.

Shiraishi: Nnn. First of all, [let's] use a drawing to analyze your underlying psychology.

Shiraishi: Draw two cats under a tree. Here, pen and paper.

Sasazuka: unexpectedly it's a psychology test, how boring.

Shiraishi: I'll give you donuts so draw.

Enomoto: [????? no text for 1 sec. sounds like eh, show-toh]

Enomoto: Okay, okay/all right, all right! Finished/done drawing!

Shiraishi: .….[How] unexpected/Unexpectedly. Enomoto-kun is pretty/very good at drawing.

Sasazuka: I've finished drawing [here?] too.

Enomoto: What the hell is this, you're unmotivated aren't you?

Shiraishi: eheh! [seeing] someone's personality being expressed is fun/It's fun to see/show your personality/individual personalities/traits

[Then] Yanagi-kun? Just a moment ago/from the start , you were wearing a really complicated expression. [for a while, you have had a really complicated expression]

Yanagi: No...... don't. let me think about it for a night.

Sasazuka: It doesn't take that long./It shouldn't need to take that long.

Yanagi: Ah, wait, Sasazuka....!

<dramatic scary music starts>

shiraishi and enomoto: .....ah....

Sasazuka:.....A cursed drawing? [Is this a cursed drawing?]

Shiraishi: Ah hahahahaha, so it turns out that Yanagi-kun had such a talent for drawing. This is a new discovery ahhahahaha!

Enomoto: No, no it's okay, Yanagi-senpai! How to say this, it's like a Picasso, an ultra-realistic style of painting......[rephrase later]

Yanagi: Stop, I don't need you to say anything.

Shiraishi: Commenting now on these results [rephrase later],

Shiraishi: It's an ideal family that can show how people describe themselves/It's how someone can show off their ideal family [probably 2nd].

Enomoto-kun hopes for warm family/household that lives with your significant other/hopes to live together with your important person in a warm family/household.

Sasazuka-kun is probably living a life not bound by anyone,

Yanagi-kun is.......how to say this, the family/household would probably collapse.

Yanagi: you, just say what you want.

Shiraishi: I have a good understanding/insight based on these references. Alright, let's move on to the next one one. What appearance /type of person would be the person who brought you your wallet /You've lost your wallet. What kind of person is the one who brings it back to you [??????]?

Shiraishi: A. A very dynamic noisy person 

B. A friendly older brother

C. A nervous elder sister

D. A high school student in their rebellious phase.

Sasazuka: D is obviously in a rebellious phase yet returning a wallet would [make them] feel very good.

Enomoto: I’ll say, B.....feel it's an average response.

Yanag: Then.... I'll go an choose A

Shiraishi: Actually, this is a psychological test to determine your romantic tendencies.

Sasazuka: There's no need/intention to/of pretend/ing to do this for criminal deduction anymore [??says profiling in audio]

Shiraishi: Who chose A----

Enomoto: Hasn't that guy seen this countless times/Hasn't this guy done countless [of these] interviews?!  

Shiraishi: Yanagi-kun, who has chosen A, is cautious about/when it comes to [his] romance/love.

Shiraishi: But once invested [says something to the effect of 'gone deep'], rationality will not be followed/obeyed/maintained.

Shiraishi: So it says.

Shiraishi: Eeeeeh , Yanagi-kun forgetting his reason/rationality, I really want to see this/that.

Yanagi: You say some random things/whatever you want... but, you also haven't said anything wrong.

Shiraishi: Here are the recommended type of things to say for confessing/confessions [says TYPE in ENG].   It's rare for me to make impression images [<---- not sure about that but the audio says IMAGE].

Yanagi: Ha? Impression image...?

(lights darken, spotlight on Yanagi VA)

Yanagi: ........If I get serious, you'll be troubled. I don't want to scare you, [and] I don't want to hurt you even if I think that..... I am unable/incapable to/of stop/ping my desire of monopolizing your heart .....Have you truly chosen me? I already can't do this anymore/hold myself back/stop these feelings [probably 3rd - also i have no tl for what it says on the image]

(cg off)

Sasazuka:...What just happened Yanagai-san, are you back to normal?

Yanagi: N-no, it/that wasn't me. Impression image he voluntarily [did]/automatically----- [??? guessing: That impression he voluntarily did----]

Shiraishi: Next is the person who chose B

Enomoto: Unexpectedly I've seen that guy before.

Shiraishi: B which was chosen by Enomoto-kun, who is a serious romantic, and although he is committed to his love/ Enomoto-kun who chose B, is/will be a serious romantic who follows his heart, but if he ends up with an unrequited love, his twilight years will end miserably/he will be awfully miserable in his old age, so it says.

Enomoto: I don't need you worrying about me being at an old age!? Wait, based on this evaluation, don't tell me that I also...

(light darkens, spotlight on Enomoto)

Enomoto: Seriously loving someone, surely pain can become happiness/it's possible for pain to be changed into happiness/it's like pain has become happiness.

After meeting you, for the first time I know.... no matter how many times I say it you're the best in the world, [and] I love you the most.

(light focus +cg off) Eeeehaha [weird scream that doesn't really work with text], 

how/indeed/truly bogus/phony/fake! [??? that's so/really fake?] how can you say such lines [these types of things]?! Ah, but isn't this/that line too handsome/elegant!? [cool]

Yanagi: Indeed/truly optimistic/hopeful [how positive?]......Oh? Sazazuka, where are you going?

Sasazuka: Heading back. I don't want to accompany you guys anymore/disturb you guys anymore.

Shiraishi: Sasazuka-kun after all [is someone] who came back from abroad, are you not accustomed to sweet [more on the romantic side] lines?

Sasazuka: This thing, can't just be shown casually to others.

Enomoto: Love can only be spoken of when two people are alone.... kuh. keh, you damn American returnee!

Shiraishi: Regarding Sasazuka-kun's romantic tendencies, they are----

Sasazuka: Don't continue without permission [ ?????  says what sounds like stop in audio... so im assuming 'just stop right now'] he's actually the sis-con type.

Shiraishi: D, which was chosen by Sazuka-kun, is the awkward self-centred type. Unable to verbally express [one’s feelings], [though] contrary to the inner-most/profound feelings/thoughts. This is popular with tsunderes right?

Enomoto: These, these types of confession/declaration of love lines are!?

(cg up + spotlight on Sasazuka)

Sasazuka: You, don't you think you're stupid for thinking that we're unsuited for each other? It's not anyone else, I've chosen you, so be confident in this, just like this/that's all. ......You, have long been my woman/since before you've been my woman Just be good and stay at my side Idi~ot~

(back to normal)

Enamooto: Uwohoho....... This American custom.... aren't/wouldn't you feeling/feel embarrassed/shy?

Sazazuka: Not really, even if this is just an impression image, this sort of thing is common.

Yanagi: Shiraishi.... You've really [even] made an image impression specifically for this sort of thing.

Shiraishi: It's funny [audio sounds like *interesting*]isn't it? The pictures were made by someone I know [These] question and answers were something that I had good reference for since it nicely matched a document/literature's contents.

Sasazuka: To begin with, what literature/study was this from? Was there ever a study/book written/published on this?

Shiraishi: It was the book "Romantic ☆ Psychology Evaluations" [Emotional affecting/heartbeat/heart rate/heart throbbing? ☆  psychology tests..... probably leave it at the first interpretation unless i come up with a better sounding title name here]

Enomoto: Ah! The new book I bought yesterday! I haven't read it yet!

Yanagi: mah.... I think it's the same [one]./I think the same way.

Sasazuka: [I'm] Tired, I really have to go.

Shiraishi: Yeah, I should also be heading back to the station.

Yanagi: : Seriously/give me a break. [i/we] don't know when another incident will occur.

(screen changes to outside the detective agency with Shiraishi)

*footsteps*

Shiraishi: Nn? You, the collar's/collared.... Ah right, right,/yes, yes, hoshino-san

Yanagi-kun and the others seemed to be heading back. 

How's the state of your mind doing? [How are you doing?]

Eh.... or did you go to a crime scene/still going to see a crime scene?

It's really serious.

How is the investigation going?

Like before, the criminals still have the upper hand. 

Pushing aside the police, really. [Going around the police...?]

......You display such strength/You're very strong.

But, isn't it scary?

Eh? having us [around makes you] feel relieved?

Mm, that's weird. 

The enemy might be lurking around in an unexpected place somewhere.... like me, for example.

Haha, do your best not to die.

What kind of outcome will come after this.... let me look forward to it. 

The End....?

------------------------------

Well, after doing this..... I can say that I don’t have any intention to translate anything else in the fandom that relies on a video cuz as it is truly excruciating to snip all the subtitles off the vid, photoshop said clips and either whiten or blacken the background so that an image to text converter can read it, have the image converted to text, add in all the words and correct whatever wasn’t converted into text properly, and then get to actually translating whatever it is (i’ve also hand-written more than +4000 Chinese characters from coping subtitles from a different video so i’m not going to be doing that ever again either).....Which means I will probably not be looking at whatever the 2018 cxm secret mission thing is as I have only found Chinese tl for that on a video from bilibili.... plus I’m not certain if there’s an actual drama in it (I have no interest in translating non-drama/story stuff).

Anyway, as I’m not particularly confident in my translation for this - at least when compared to the other stuff that I’ve done, I’m not entirely sure if I’m going to do a subbed video for this since I don’t want to post anything without a personal confidence level of at least 85% in any translation I do for a video (my level for this is probably somewhere between 60-70%).... and on another note, I realllllly need a better way to phrase “impression image,” since that looks and sounds really weird..... also if anyone wants to help me with my lack of language skills for this drama, send me a message plzzz!  >_<

if i ever do get to making a video, final edits will be done then since i know i left this drama tl not exactly worded well... 

#collar x malice #CollarxMalice #otomate party #collar x malice drama translation #collar x malice translation #CxM #yanagi aiji #Sasazuka takeru #shiraishi kageyuki #enomoto mineo #to be edited later

[anonymousdior]

My Lived Experience

I’ve been silent the last few weeks, not because I don’t have a voice or an opinion on what’s happening in this world right now or even more specifically, in my home country. But, because there is just so many feelings of all kind of everything. But, I feel like it’s time to speak up and tell my story and my views. 

First off, If you are new here or need a reminder; I am Tri-Racial. My father is African American; my mother is Italian and Indigenous. Mix those three with being a medical anomaly; it can be confusing thing to divulge to people. Which is probably why I usually don’t. In fact, most people don’t know anything about me I would say. But, that’s about to change.

Let’s get real blunt.. I grew up within Racism. In fact, Racism is as much as my family as a brother and sister would be. How so? One family was so disgusted with my blackness that they administered burning liquids to my scalp to change the way my hair follicles grow. Yes, this was something the main culprit had researched. This family had called me every slur in the book, “The N word”, “Burrhead” were some to name a few. I was treated differently from my cousins because they were considered “pure” and I was “polluted and dirty.” That was just one family. My other family refuses to acknowledge me due to being mixed and insults are hurled on a regular basis in reference to my whiteness or indigenous side. In fact, some self hatred resides within my Father’s family as well. On another note, I was given away and sent away because of my blackness and how it would be easier if I was not nearby for the One side of the family.

Fast forward a few years, I was living with my meema and mooma, a strong Cameroonian woman and African man and my uncle C, an African American male. I am in a neighbourhood that was 96% African American and had a 92% crime rate. Racism was very much apart of this neighbourhood. The neighbourhood was fenced in, to not allow the residents inside venture out. In fact, there was a school, library and a shitty grocery store within this fenced area. It was expected that everyone residing within these buildings would stay within the fence and not “pollute” the rest of Atlanta. If you did get out, well expect to be hunted down and harassed. If you wanted a job, you would have to lie on your application of where you lived. The APD would roll in every day, with guns in hand, not even in the holster anymore. They would rough you up for no reason and if you fought back, you’re arrested on the spot and lucky if you made it to the precinct without needing medical attention. However, in the “white” neighbourhoods, no policing was needed and when you were arrested, you were treated as a human. This neighbourhood was treated as less than. Don’t think the APD are bad? Don’t understand why Atlantans are so suspicious of the APD?

Let’s get real again...I was walking home one night from my shift at T-Mobile. It was dark but I was dirt ass poor, not to mention my money had been taken from me (That will be discussed later on). I am minding my own business and all of a sudden, the APD with their cherries on pull over and draw their guns at me, I am 17 years old and alone, not to mention a girl. They yell at me to get on the ground only once, when I ask what is happening or why, I am lunged at and my face is pushed into the ground. With guns still drawn at my head and this heavy officer on me, I’m asked where I live and what am I? I answer the name of the neighbourhood and I am bi-racial. All of a sudden I’m told that I will do and I fit the description of an aggravated assault with a deadly weapon from a bar that was at least a 2.5-hour walk away. I was arrested and thrown into the back of the car, while wearing my T-Mobile uniform, the whole time I am pleading with them that I didn’t do this crime, that I was at work and to call my boss, he will tell them. I was told by an Officer to shut up and that all people from my neighbourhood are guilty and that anyone with “Black” is straight up wrong and guilty of being alive. AN OFFICER, someone who is supposed to serve and protect. They refused to listen to anything I had to say, didn’t allow me a call to notify anybody and threw me in jail and as they threw me in there, the arresting officer called me a “dirty ghetto N word.” I spent a month fighting charges that weren’t mine to begin with and that based off my registered ethnicity aka racism, I was automatically guilty. In the end, a judge was smart enough to actually read the whole case and discovered I actually DID NOT fit the description among other things.. However, I was still 1 hearing from going to prison for 10-20 years... all because I was bi-racial and one of those races was black.

I had a grandfather once, we called him mooma. He was an amazing man and one of my hero’s. He was amazing, respected anyone and everyone and would love to talk proverbs with you. A god-fearing man. When I was young, he had an “accident” that left him permanently blind. By accident I mean white supremacists thought it would be fun and an act of god to my mooma who was simply asking if there was biracial kid books within a bookstore. After he left the bookstore that’s when they jumped him. The APD did nothing and refused to file a police report and dropped my mooma off at a mental health area instead of a hospital.  Years from that incident, my mooma would leave for a work trip to Texas and would never return home. My mooma became just another black man gone missing. When we went to report it to the police, we waited 3 hours to file the report while other White families were served asap. When they got around to us, they never wrote anything down and said he probably had a 2nd family because he’s black.... My mooma was murdered by White people who thought they were better then my grandfather...Who didn’t care he had a family waiting for him and a granddaughter waiting for the next critter book. Someone deemed my mooma was not fit to live simply because he was a black man.

As I grew up, I took note how other kids would be treated compared to myself and the people within my neighbourhood. When my uncle would take me to the aquarium, we would be questioned for 5 minutes on the pricing of the aquarium and how there was no guns or drugs allowed. During this time, the white families were let through with no problems. The black families were always questioned and lectured. When I went to school I noticed the kids from my church had better books, their books went to Bill Clinton, my books went to Jimmy Carter. They were assigned homework and readings, I went to class with the lesson on the board with maybe only 4-5 kids in the classroom while our teacher read the newspaper or a book, the white kids teachers were invested in their future. 

As I went into high school, I started attending church with my meema at her request. In her words, “to pray the white devil out of you.” While my meema was busy praying for the white devil out of me, I was getting beat up every Sunday in the back of the church for being black by the pastor kids and their friends. They called me every name in the book, called me disgusting, ripped my shirt and spat on me. They always stole my money (as per for my comment a few paragraphs up, I was always broke because of it) In fact, one Sunday they beat me up so badly I went to the hospital. We tried to file a police report but the APD never came... That was the last time we went to that white church. From this moment on, I have only stepped in a church twice.

When I moved back to Canada, I was hopeful that it would be different and more peaceful. In fact, I have heard how not racist Canada is. I have to disagree; it’s just more behind your back, less in your face then back home. I once was told I need to calm down on the alcohol as I’ll fully turn into a “Drunken Savage.” Or not wanting to learn about the culture and mocking it at every moment someone has. Of course, a racist slur towards my Indigenous side.

Even from my Canadian city I reside in, Georgia still inflicts is racist ways on me. The black vote is suppressed to the point legal actions have been launched all around. The white adults can register easily and usually have a flawless voting process. That is not the case for the minority population and people who reside within low income neighbourhoods. To the point, the last election I was given a hard time to register saying my W looks like a V and that I was trying to defraud the voting process. After persistence, I was able to vote but was given 3 faulty ballots that were already filled out for the current president. When asked for new ones each time I was told why wouldn’t I vote for Donald Trump, he loves the poor. On top of that, this year’s voting process was no different and I was given a timeline that was not given to my white friends to register. I was given the run-around and every excuse to vote and was told the same excuse, that my paperwork was filled out with the wrong color pen, that there was problems with a computer system that they don't even use to register or that I was registered within a different state. None of this was an issue before they read where I was from and the ethnicity on file... 

The above is just a taste of the racism I have experienced/witnessed. It’s a daily battle within myself to love myself and embrace all that I am. The Black, the white and the indigenous. I still avoid mirrors, most photos and you will never catch me at the beach or the pool in fear my hair get’s wet and you see that little hint of curl come to light. 

So yes, these protests are justifiable. Yes, the Atlanta protests were the first turn to ugly and violent.. It’s because we are angry and it’s not just these few incidents, it’s a history of corruption, systemic and blatant racism. It’s years of oppression and anger bubbling it’s ugly head to the surface. I can assure you, it’s always been there..I end this blog with one of my favourite quotes from a movie “The Great Debaters” (If you have not seen it you should!) 

“Saint Augustine said, "An unjust law is no law at all," which means I have a right, even a duty, to resist -- with violence or civil disobedience...You should pray I choose the latter.”

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Bullied by Sun Myung Moon

I think I was 16, because there was talk of a surprise matching.  I don’t think I could have been younger than that.  Anyway, it was Christmas, and Father had declared that he wanted to see all the 2nd gen who could come.  The urgency of the request had us all loading into vans to flock to New York from several states away on Christmas Eve.  When we got there, I don’t remember him having any special message, and I was somewhat disappointed that it was just the usual.  He gave us all watches from Christian Bernard, and had us promise to start Christian Bernard clubs at our schools.  I remember, even as I promised with all the kids around me, that I had no intention of starting or participating in such a club.  My family could barely afford new shoes.  I knew that life was expensive. The idea of asking other high schoolers to join me in an elite and obscure watch club was unthinkable.  I couldn’t afford the watch I held, and I certainly didn’t think excluding others from my club because they couldn’t afford one was fair.

Anyway, that’s not really what was most impressed upon me during this particular speech.  Like all the D.C. blessed children, I’d been to many, many speeches, and to be honest, I mostly thought that they were boring and long, and didn’t really question their truth.  But one girl did.  He had been talking for a couple hours, and he was making an analogy about tigers and lions.  I don’t even remember what the point of it was, but I remember that he said he was one and he would beat the other (representing Satan, or individualism, or whatever), because of some innate quality of his.  And one girl dared to raise her hand and say that it would be switched, based on what she knew about the animals.  I knew the prowess of the big cats was not his point, and I expected him to bypass the comment like a mature adult, and explain “the analogy is not the point – what I’m saying is yada yada.”  But he didn’t.  Instead, he argued his analogy, and became hostile.  It was weird to watch the Messiah become so defensive over nothing.  She said something about having seen a program about it on National Geographic, supporting her assertion.  And then it happened: True Father became every bully in high school I have ever known.  The perfect man, the Messiah, and second coming of Jesus said, “Well if you’d stop watching National Geographic all day, maybe you wouldn’t be so fat.”

Later in the speech, another kid had a question, this time a boy.  And I don’t remember what his question was, but I do remember when True Father told him to stand up, and then said “Are you a boy or a girl? You’re so fat I can’t tell.” He was chubby, but obviously a boy.  There was no call for that.  The kid’s question wasn’t disrespectful.  We sat there in stunned silence.

No matter what else I knew about True Father, I knew him to be a bully from that day on.  He was petty and superficial, and unfortunately, that colored my view of God, and my perception of my own body.  I have waited on writing up this account because I never wanted the victims of his attacks to ever read this and re-live that humiliation.  And so, I wanted to say to them, and to all of us who were there, that what happened was wrong.  It’s wrong to attack a teenage girl’s weight because she has questions.  It’s wrong to embarrass a teenage boy because he’s had the audacity to raise his hand.  True Father was wrong and acting completely immature.

A child or adolescent bully attacking their peers is bad enough, but a full grown man picking on children for their appearance is a pathetic human being.

_________________________________________

Comment:

I had read that post in the past. I think it’s very revealing of what reality was; a reality most of us didn’t want to face.

Reading the comments below the post I saw that someone seems to think that any “old Asian teacher” would respond that way to “American kids” who don’t want to listen.

I suspect, first, the commenter may be Asian. Second I suspect he or she may not be fond of American kids. Was it mentioned that the two individuals were American? After all only American kids would be bored by the litany of nonsense that the “Messiah” used to pour on us for hours, right? Third, we’re not talking about an old Asian teacher. Like the poster very well expressed, we’re talking about a person who’s supposed to be bigger than a teacher; a broader and deeper human being, not a constipated Confucianist character who can’t get past someone that they consider inferior challenging in any way anything he says. No real teacher would do that, because teachers as a rule of thumb are concerned for the psychological well being of their students. Being Asian wouldn’t be considered an excuse in my book. I find absolutely no excuse, NONE, for that behavior.

It reminded me how Mr. Moon got so offended at Belvedere when someone who had been addressed by him, in English, had the audacity to say that he couldn’t understand the Reverend’s accent! OMG! Hell broke loose! How dared he! That was brought up by Moon week after week after the incident! And we members nodded in agreement. How dared he! Poor, spineless creatures we were… You’re not supposed to be honest; you’re not supposed to be unafraid, and much less have an opinion contrary to his. As a western person I grew up with a loving father who allowed me to disagree with him, giving me room to think on my own. What a tragic mistake to transfer that understanding of what a father is to the “True” Father! Oh, no! You have to fear him, you have to accept and take notes of whatever crap he says and never question it. That is what the loving “True" Father of all mankind and the cosmos expected of you. (Scoff.) “True” my ass. Excuse me.

Y.R.

If Adam and Eve didn’t exist, then there was no fall and therefore no need for a savior.

Faced with the acutely disturbing reality of the Unification Movement…

Reflections on the significance of lineage and of Jesus

Liberation of ancestors by a third party?

_________________________________________

Sun Myung Moon May 17, 1973

“Good morning! Sit down! I am going to speak about the significance of a training session like this….

In your own way, you can organize your lecture. In order for you to be a dynamic lecturer, you must know the knack of holding and possessing the listeners’ hearts. If there appears a crack in the man’s personality, you wedge in a chisel, and split the person apart. For the first few lectures, you will just memorize. But after that, you will study the character of your audience, and adapt your lecture. If he is a scientist, you will approach him differently than a commercial man, artist, etc. The audience as a whole will have a nature, and you must be flexible.” LINK

_________________________________________

Sun-gil Choi asked her husband, Sun Myung Moon, to stop pikareum sex with many women.

Sun Myung Moon’s mission to womb-cleanse many women confirmed by Sean Moon

Moon neglected and beat his own children. How did it affect them?

The ‘True Father’ who could not forgive: “I haven’t been able to release my grudge towards Japanese people yet.” November 2011

The Incident at the New Yorker Hotel: Hyun Jin stopped talking – there was a familiar uncomfortable silence…

Hyun Jin Moon’s assault on Tim Folzenlogen

Kook Jin Moon and Hyung Jin Moon plan to “Arrest and Execute” their mother, Hak Ja Han, leader of the FFWPU

#Sun Myung Moon #bully #abuse

[fuck-onionboy]

where to begin?

i really dont know where to begin, so let’s begin with onision’s earliest interactions with women, the following are excerpts from lifeofonion.com because they seem to have the most comprehensive knowledge of greg’s pre-skye life:

Childhood Girls Greg dated and/or had crushes on in Elementary School.

Aubry

He says Aubry was the first girl he ever dated and the first girl he ever thought he loved. They dated in the 2nd grade. Greg says one day a boy named Phillip said Aubry was his girlfriend and told Greg to get away from her. He said other "nasty things", so Greg asked Aubry if she minded watching him beat Phillip. She said she did not, so he turned around and "began swinging as hard and fast as I could..." Phillip grabbed Greg's long hair and flipped him. Greg says he landed on the ground and Phillip "managed to land quite a few punches." The fight was broken up and Greg says Phillip cried and Greg smiled. Greg says he and Phillip were "ok" after the fight, but Phillip passed away two years later.

He says he and Aubry never talked after the incident.

Alana Greg says he had a crush on Alana in elementary school. He says she always had surgeries on her arm and felt bad for her.

Amber Greg says he fell for Amber in the 4th grade and she was the most beautiful girl he met up until that point. He says he spoke to her on occasion, but in 2005 he said he lost track of her.

[Unknown Name] In the 4th grade, he asked a girl out that looked like Winona Ryder with a letter. She ended up dumping with with a letter.

This could be Amber (above).

Pre-teen Girls Greg dated and/or had crushes on when he was 10 to 12 years old.

Lindsey Greg says Lindsey asked him out when he was in the 5th grade. He didn't understand what she meant and asked, "which movie?" She later broke up with him from a line he believes she got from the WB. He says it was all a "sham", but he thought she was funny at the time.

Julia Julia was Greg's first kiss. He also had his first sexual experience with her. Greg was 11 and Julia was 15. This would have been in 1997. Greg spoke about his experiences with Julia several times over the years. In 2018, Greg named and modeled a character in his 3rd book, Reaper's Creek, after Julia and wrote about their sexual experiences. This caused some controversy due to their ages.In 2019, Greg bought a love doll to sell nude photos and videos of and named her Julia Love.

Crystal Greg says he dated Crystal in the 6th grade. He says she looked like Zooey Deschanel, "except she was Mexican". She dumped him because she thought he had blue eyes, when he really had green eyes.

Teen Girls Greg dated and/or had crushes on when he was a teenager

Monica Greg says he asked out Monica in the 7th grade. He says "she basically looked like Jennifer Love Hewitt with braces." They dated for two weeks. She dumped him because her friend did not like him.

Sharnell

Greg says they dated when he was 15-years-old. He says he groped Sharnell's boob, then broke up with her.

Jennifer Greg had a crush on Jennifer when he was 15. Jennifer is Michael's sister. They attended Greg's father's church. Greg says she was hyper and loved to run. Greg says he had his eyes on Jennifer for a while. He loved her high energy and he thought she was fun. He also notes that he liked that she was inexperienced with boys because he likes "teaching people about everything".

Greg confessed his feelings for her in a letter, but she called him and told him she did not think of him the same way. Greg continued to see her for a while whenever he would visit his father.

Ashley Greg says he met Ashley in his high school Earth Club. They spoke on and off for three years. Eventually they began watching movies together in each other's arms. The relationship came to an end when Greg invented his religion, Sicesca, and they had a huge fight over it. Ashley told Greg she never wanted to speak to him again and he laughed about it.

Unknown Age Greg did not specify when he dated these girls.

Danielle

Greg says he broke up with Danielle because "she kissed me like a garden hose." Greg says years after they dated, she called him to brag about how large her breasts got. Keesha Greg says he thought that Keesha was "literally, psychotically in love with me... like... horror film "in-love"." He says everything she owned had his name on it and "every other word she spoke was one directed towards me, about me..." He says he broke up with her because she hit on him too much. He tied to tell her he preferred smiling as flirting, but she did not understand.

Tia

They were friends, but ended up dating. He said it was weird and when they kissed, he didn't feel anything. They broke up after only dating four days.

In 2005, while talking about their short relationship, Greg says, "she's quite fantastic, she has a wonderful laugh, beautiful eyes, smile.. she just makes me feel comfortable..." They possibly could have still been friends at that point as he kept in contact with many of his exes at that time.

and now we move onto the skye era, which my main source will be lifeofonion still but also skye and shiloh’s testimonies about their relationship. 

skye and greg met in 2001 in their computer class, but didn’t start talking until 2003, and by 2005 they were married and greg was enlisted in the us air force (usaf)

“Skye and her sister, "Netunesa", participated in many of Greg's early websites and videos. For example, they began working on a video series on January 2, 2005 titled Odd Dolls. This was described on their site as dolls doing "hilarious/nasty things to one another.. these things involved such acts as, murder, arson, PDA, swearing, and various other non-PC actions." They made about 24 episodes. Greg said he broke up with Skye for the first time because she was depressed and he told her he could never make her happy. They because friends. In January 2005, Greg signed up for the United States Air Force. A few months later, in March 2005, someone who is believed to be Skye's mother told her to "be careful around Greg" because of his anger. Greg confronts this person through email and explains that he argues with Skye to "teach her something." The next day, Greg sent Skye what seems to be an email talking about a separation between them. He forwarded the email to his ex Tanya and asked her opinion. He then sent his ex another email, seemingly trying to win her back. Two months after the incident, on May 28, 2005, Greg and Skye became engaged. Greg stated, before their marriage he asked Skye to sign a prenup and she cried. Greg now uses this incident as evidence of his claim that Skye put on "water works" because she was interested in his money.”

greg and skye married in august of 2005 and for the first few years of their marriage they moved around a lot due to greg’s military job.

“On January 24th, 2007 Greg wrote a long blog post explaining why he made the decision for he and Skye to stop hanging out with friends and only hang out with each other and family. He explains he chose Skye to be with him for the rest of his life and having friends does not improve it and makes him suffer. Three days later, on January 27th, 2007, two mutual friends of Greg and Skye tried to separate them because the friends believed Greg was bad for Skye. Greg replied to this on his blog and told the friends that they are in-fact the ones that are bad for Skye because they can't look past his personality and they don't know he tells Skye he loves her every day.”

this is clearly the beginning of greg’s isolation and abuse patterns which he continued with shiloh, and continues with kai.

“In a 2008 blog post, Greg reveals his worst nightmare is not about monsters, but of his his wife leaving him or vice versa. This is something he would again say about his [husband], [Kai], in 2016. During his marriage to Skye, Greg would publicly express never wanting to have children. He said it would be selfish to have children due to overpopulation. (this was a speaks video) Years after the marriage (and after becoming a father), Greg said it was Skye who didn't want children and that's why he would say that. Greg revealed a couple of their marriage agreements in a 2010 video titled "Lover's Pact". One is an "honesty pact", to never lie or keep secrets from each other. The other agreement is a "health pact", to stay skinny. He states it would be selfish for one of them to gain weight and not take into consideration the other person's sexual needs. He says it would be hard for them to maintain attraction for the other when they are "intentionally, consciously letting themselves go". Greg spoke more about his marriage to Skye on his OnisionSpeaks channel and would give viewers advice about how to have a successful marriage like theirs. It is believed most of these videos were removed from his channel after the divorce.During the entirety of the marriage, Greg would often talk about he and Skye's relationship fondly online. Even as late as 2010 (the year he divorced her), when Greg was asked "At what point did you realize that Skye was the one you wanted to spend your life with???" he responded "When I realized her morals and interests were almost identical to mine… and that she loved me more than any girl I ever met… even when I’m being annoying or rude… she loves me… as I do her." Now, Greg says he only saw Skye as a friend and describes the marriage as "friends with benefits" or "bros hanging out". He says he was actually in love with his ex Shiree and only married Skye to receive military benefits, such as living off base and not having to live in the dorms. He says he and Skye would watch anime, play video games, and make love, but the making love stopped at the end of the relationship.“

so the patterns of abuse and control continue with the “health pacts.”

“Greg created his Onision YouTube on January 29, 2006. Greg was discharged from the United States Air Force in January 2009. He and Skye lived with Greg's mother for 8 months while they were finding a house. According to Greg, there was an [incident] where Skye was crying and his mother laughed and screamed in her face. He says this was because Skye didn't want help out around the house. After the military, Greg began to seriously pursue a YouTube career. Skye worked out of the house and supported both of them while Greg stayed home and worked on building his YouTube career. When his channel became successful enough to financially support them both, he asked her to quit her job and work for the YouTube channel with him full time. Skye would often act in the Onision Channel skits and appeared in his first viral hit, Banana Song. She would also make appearances in some OnisionSpeaks videos, usually messing around in the background or sitting next to him. Skye also designed some Onision shirts for Greg. Skye was adored by virtually all of Greg's fan base at the time.Skye joined YouTube on February 9, 2008 with her own channel, Tantaga (channel now removed), where she uploaded comedy and blooper videos. The last recorded number of subscribers on the Tantaga channel before its deletion was 13,164. At some point, it seems Skye lost interest in YouTube and would not work with Greg on videos anymore. He says she would lay on the couch all day and watch anime or look at pictures of flowers and dresses on her laptop. Skye later revealed she was suffering from depression. Toward the end of their marriage, the Onision channel became hugely successful. The channel had reached the Top 100 Most Subscribed YouTubers list by 2010.“

so greg was beginning to take off, but his and skye’s relationship was far from perfect, and skye was depressed, probably due to the isolation from her friends and most likely family, and they “divorced” on christmas eve 2010

“On December 24, 2010 Greg announced through his Facebook fanpage that he and Skye had been separated since December 17th. That same day, he uploaded "Greg & Skye Divorced", where he says he and Skye decided to get a divorce because they are not compatible and many other reasons. He says they are still friends and he still loves her. He says he and Skye will still be living together for a while. He says he moved on because he couldn't do it anymore and he hopes she moves on too. He tells his fans to be kind to her and show support because she deserves respect. Many fans were hoping it was a joke, but soon found out it wasn't. As the news spread, it brought mixed emotions to Greg and Skye's fanbase. Most were saddened by the news and some even went as far to say they felt like their own parents were getting a divorce. This news came seemingly out of nowhere to fans, as Greg and Skye seemed to be keeping up the same energy and emotions into their videos as when they first started. Some fans even contacted Greg to tell him he was making a mistake by divorcing Skye. Greg replies in the video "Onision's Divorce Was A Mistake?" saying these fans are ignorant and he did not have a perfect marriage. He says it was sad and draining. On December 25, Greg uploaded the skit video "Demon Possessed Girl" to his main channel. The video featured him, Skye and Cyr. It was the last skit Greg uploaded with Skye. At the end of the skit he asked fans to show Skye love, she could use it due to recent hardships. During this time Greg had his friend Cyr staying at their house. Sometime after Skye had moved out of the home, Greg uploaded the video "She Betrayed Me". In the video he walks around his house as he lists items Skye and her sister have taken from the home. He heavily implies she stole over $2,000 of his items from his home when he was not there. He says he wished she had told him she was going to take items from the home beforehand and that he was still willing the follow the "agreement" they had over living arrangements and monthly payments. Text appears under him, revealing the details. "I agreed to either cover her bills in my home for 2 years, or pay her $1,000 a month for a year outside my home" Greg has since deleted the video. After uploading this video, he uploaded another video showing surveillance footage of Skye and her sister removing items through his front porch. In the video he says he will take legal action. This video has also been deleted.After Skye began receiving harassment due to Greg's videos, he uploaded "Please Leave Skye Alone", where he asked fans to stop leaving hate comments on her channel. Skye says the divorce was sudden and came out of nowhere. Greg states he threatened her with divorce for the first time in June 2010 over an argument about their possessions. He has also stated he asked for one in October and regrets not following through with it at that time. There are two main reasons Greg states as to why he divorced his first wife. One reason is that he was upset that Skye "felt entitled to 50% of his assets". He says he made it clear their relationship was not about material items. He says despite marriage being an asset split in the eyes of the law, he believed they had an agreement that "everything she acquired in her life was hers, and he in his". He says when she wanted their possessions to be split, she was showing greed and he wanted out. The other reason Greg says he divorced Skye was because she "just sat around and browsed the web". He says she began to have problems with motivation and would quit making videos with him in the middle of filming. He also says she once had a "melt down" in-front of him and his mom for no reason.”

so this is where things start to get legally sketchy, he writes HIS OWN DIVORCE AGREEMENT, and follows skye around the house screaming at her to sign it. so it wasn’t legal to begin with because it wasn’t notarized, or written by an actual lawyer, or an actual legal contract in any way, shape, or form, but then he makes skye sign it under duress, making it doubly invalid

“When talking or blogging about his ex-wife, Skye, Greg often posts the divorce contract he created. The contract is dated December 22, 2010. In the contract Greg states that he would let Skye continue to live in his house rent free until December 22, 2011, 1 year. If she moves out, he states he would pay her $1,000 a month. The contract also states, when Skye signs the papers, she forfeits all home ownership rights to Greg. Greg often brings up this contract to prove that Skye ignored her signed agreement to him. He says when she and her sister took items from him home, she stole the signed agreement, although he had already made copies. He says in the end, that made no difference. According to Greg, Skye declined the offer to continue living with him because she was still in love with him and being around him would be too painful for her. (It's worth noting Greg was planning on starting his relationship with Shiloh during this time and shortly after separating from Skye he began living with Shiloh.)According to Skye, after Greg wrote up the contract he demanded her to sign it. "He would proceed to follow me around the house for hours at a time screaming at me that if I really loved him, I would sign the paperwork, Eventually after the endless onslaught, I gave in as my spirit was quite broken." Skye says due Greg forcing her to sign the contract and the fact that it was not proper or notarized, the court determined the contract was null. Skye [pursued] Greg legally for alimony payments. For years Greg has said Skye stole from him by lying about how much money of the Onision business she was entitled to. He says he got scared and settled without stepping into a courthouse.”

this is everything up to the skye era as described by outside sources, my next post will be skye’s testimony of their relationship (if i can find it), if not my next post will be the beginning of the shiloh era.

im sorry this was so fucking long but if you actually read the whole thing sauce me a follow? this is going to be an ongoing project but i just started and appreciate any exposure i can get

#onision #skye #shiloh #coolguykai #anti onision #anti onion boy #anti onion man #anti o #fuck onision man

[sashank-kanchustambam]

Instinct

Disclaimer : Please don't be an asshole and complain about my grammatical errors... I'm a normal person who is filling in his diary... not my mistake that you got hold of it

2. April.2018

Everyday I see this guy in the school recess; his name is Sameer. Anyways...the point is I don't like him. You ask me why.......I really don't have an answer..... I've never even talked to him, but I just instinctually dislike him.

12.April.2018

It was just like any other recess, and my eyes caught Sameer again; I noticed it for the first time..he actually is very physically attractive... I'd totally do him..... but yeah, I dislike him.....So I don't think I'll be doing anything of that sort....

I know all this might seem 'weird', but take two steps back and watch; there's always that person (or maybe more) who you just don't like..At this point of time that's exactly what Sameer is to me.

Weird how I say I don't like him.... but I keep writing about him. Well if you're fed up of Sameer already... I'm sorry

I'm in a boys school...and you narrow minded people might be stereotyping that we discuss girls all the time.... Though it's not completely true ... it can be sometimes... but I hardly have an opinion when it comes to 'who is hotter?'

16.April.2018

I was eating my food on a bench when I noticed a ball rolling towards me and a voice followed the ball....“Yo, Tanvir, .... throw the ball here.” you're not Sherlock... It's pretty obvious that's Sameer. I picked the ball up and threw it to him and he shouted “ Thanks Yo. ” I thought he was supposed to be a rude guy, but a rude guy wouldn't say 'Thanks' to a guy he hardly knows...and he knew my name too... maybe he's not all bad.

I typed his name on Instagram.. his bio read

“17

🌈 🌈 🌈

like playing Cricket and I kinda love writing random shit

🏏🖊️🖊️🖊️”

I followed him...and was unexpectedly satisfied when he followed me back.The ‛kinda hatred’ was kinda slowly fading away.

18.April. 2018

The bell for the recess rang and I stopped Aniruddh form running away....“Can I play cricket with you guys today?”.... Anirudh replied “I literally call you to play everyday, come ”.....I used to play cricket for the school up until class 10... Sameer joined school in 11th so never got a chance to play with him.....I didn't mind playing some recess cricket... Though the actual reason was Sameer.

It was the third over and I was batting against sameer's bowling....He's like 6'2 and bowls very fast.... but that didn't stop me form hitting him for 5 consecutive 4s.....I didn't expect the 6th ball to be a bouncer......I mean the ball doesn't need to bounce that high for my short ass but it still was a bouncer and it hit me hard on my lips ..... I threw the bat and fell to the ground...... Sameer started to say “sorry!!!!!” and ran towards me....he took his handkerchief out and pressed my bleeding lips with it....while his other hand rested my head.....my heart started beating at an extremely high rate.... it maybe even hit 120..... I'm totally crushing on him.... All it took is one thank you to make me not dislike him.... Maybe instincts are not always right.... maybe you should try talking to that one person who you hate for no reason.

24th April 2018

It's been 6 days since the handkerchief incident ........ I and Sameer have become closer......I mean we were never close before, so let's just stick to close instead of closer. Except for the height we're pretty similar....we love cricket, we love writing (tho I write only this diary), We're huge 'The office' fans and we vibe well.... the initial negative vibes are converted into complete positive vibes....we started to text a lot too.

While I was walking back to my class with Anirudh, Sameer stopped me and said “Yo Guys can you both come over to my place this saturday for a sleep over ?” Anirudh replied “I'm up” and looked at me....I said that I'll have to ask at home.... I knew my mom was going to allow but she can be unpredictable sometimes like all other moms.

Mom said “yeah you can go, but you'll have to come for the wedding on sunday”.......God!! I hate those weddings..... All that happens there is that a bunch of awkward-unforgettable memories are formed in my brain..... But as they say “To get something...you have to lose something”... well I'm not exactly losing anything, but you get the point right..

“ Tanvir! Does mom know that you're gay yet?” my sister asked... She wasn't mocking..it was a genuine question... “Not yet.... I'll tell it when I feel it's right though”

“You know she might freak out right?”

“Naah I don't think so”

28th April 2018

Though I and sameer were okay..... Aniruddh was high and drunk at the same time....he was doing all sorts of random shit....he almost put his fingers on a moving fan....He randomly just said “Guys clapping your hands is just so weird...I mean why do we bang our palms with each other when something good happens, I can't understand”. When I actually thought about it, it made partial sense.

You know those moments in which all the friends all of a sudden wip their phones out and get lost in their screens..... while we were having such a moment, Sameer noticed that Anirudh is asleep and said “Tanvir.... wanna chill in the balcony?”

He spotted out constellations to me.... This was the first time I noticed the constellations outside the books and the screen. So he thinks that Virat Kohli is a better player than Sachin and Lara, which I'll never agree to but I'll let it go. While he was laughing, I couldn't stop myself from staring at his lips.......he probably noticed that and became quiet....we looked into eachothers eyes for a few seconds and I slowly moved closer ........ I don't know how, but my lips were now hardly 3 centimeters away from his lips .....while I covered the 25 centimeters, he covered the last 3 centimeters.......and just like that I had my first kiss at the age of 17 and I know it sounds cliche like any other part in this diary... But it was beautiful.

2nd may 2018

Sameer hasn't come to school since then, but we talk a lot on text and on the phone too......I needed to say it, there was no point keeping it in.. so I said it..... more like typed it... But there's hardly any difference between those two these days.

‛Uhmmm..... this might sound weird.....You probably already know it.....I like you.....as in I feel stuff for you...... don't think it's because of the kiss... I've liked you before that also....I sometimes just think about you and start blushing.... If you feel the same ....do you want to take it a notch higher?’

I unsent and sent this message atleast 7 times... While I was going to do it for the 8th time he saw the message....... I immediately closed the chat and threw my phone away to the other sofa.....I just looked to the other side and started to bite my nails ....... all sort of thoughts were crossing my mind.....

‛Wow...that escalated quick..... I've always found you really cute Tanvir....and I could feel the vibe since the time you started playing with us..... I've never dated a guy before this.... but I think you're special enough for that...yes we should take it a ‛notch’ higher 😂💓💓’

My face was burning red and just like that I made my first boy friend ........also at the age of 17.

2nd June 2018

Today summer vaccation starts.... I mean summer holidays are enough to make me happy but I'm also happy cause I'll have more time to hangout with Sameer.... also it's our 1st month anniversary today... But sadly he won't be able to make it to the party at Anirudh's place because he's moving places and is busy with it...... I'll write the rest tomorrow after the party probably....Ill probably stay over at Anirudh's... That's what I told to mom

3rd June 2018

Yesterday night shit went down..... I'm not in a good mood right now...and won't be in it for few weeks probably.....

While I was partying, all I could think about was how my mom always trusts me and keeps saying that I'm an honest boy......I was feeling really guilty that I didn't tell her this.....I stopped dancing at once...and was just staring at the floor.....I started whispering repeatedly “I need to leave.....I need to leave..” and then the sound of my voice slowly increased....and I ran out of the place........ I literally jogged 4 kilometers to my house...and was panting heavily.....It was around 10:30 .....I thought to myself that mom wouldn't be asleep and I was ready to tell her about my sexuality...I confidently stood outside her room, took a deep breath, and opened the door......the second I opened the door... while I was on my way to shout ‛maa’....she was making out with someone....I felt really embarrassed and closed the door.... But not completely...... as a weird thought crossed my mind I opened the door again(....(btw all this happened in a 2 second period.....).....What I saw can not be unwatched.....MY MOTHER WAS MAKING OUT WITH SAMEER.....I closed the door with all the energy I had and probably broke a hinge....I walked to my room....I was feeling heartbroken and extremely pissed at the same time.....I locked myself in.... Sameer was banging on my door and said “I didn't know she was your mom tanvir... I'm sorry”... well even though he didn't.... what he did was cheating....and I did not feel very well.....I probably should have went with my INSTINCT and continued to DISLIKE him.

Also today is the day.......The day I throw this diary away ..... feel lucky if you find it

Instinct......Tanvir Manchanda

[comicteaparty]

September 2nd-September 8th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from September 2nd, 2019 to September 8th, 2019.  The chat focused on Home is a Distant Wish by Jurinova.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Home is a Distant Wish by Jurinova~! (https://tapas.io/series/hiadw)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until September 8th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Given many of the characters deal with some sort of trauma, whose trauma stands out to you the most? What do you think the comic can show us in regards to how we deal with trauma in real life?(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Do you think the Keld Ores can be trusted, or was Angelo right about him being dangerous? Why do you think Mute is sheltering him, and what consequences will the others face for bringing him to Mute?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Who do you think Roara is accused of having killed, and what does this have to do with her ex? How do you think she wound up friends with Cane, and what do you think her role in the story will be now that she’s free?

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene is probably the couch scene where Angelo and Kipu were getting intimate. It was nice to see this sort of character development since it was a stark contrast to how everything started. And I liked just how concrete it was despite both being kind of unsure where to take things. A lot of respect going around and just overall, the scene gave me warm fuzzies and gave me hope they could both have actual relationships with other ppl despite trauma. 2) I think Roara's trauma is what stood out the most to me. While only some people have to ever deal with the sort of physical issues like part of what Kipu suffers, I think everyone has been in some position to Roara's, at least on the level of being accussed of something they didn't do and being punished for it. That can be hardcore emotional trauma. In regards to what the comic can show us about dealing with trauma, I think that everyone handles it differently. Some people need revenge (even if that's not the healthiest), some people need time, some people need hugs, some people just want to be left alone, etc. Trauma manifests differently for everyone, and some people just handle it better than others. So ya gotta have patience and an open mind to spot it.

3) My favorite character is definitely Kipu. I like the concept that Kipu has to speak through text in short statements to convey whatever Kipu is trying to say. And I like to see how that, gestures, and other stuff are integrated to create a character who, while on the quieter side, can be just as vocal and opinionated as anyone else. Plus, I've enjoyed Kipu's backstory so far the most, cause Kipu strikes me as the most sympathetic so far.

4) I think Ores is kind of in between. Like I don't think Ores will randomly go murder hobo and is a nice person. But do I believe Ores is dangerous and is willing to kill to protect certain people's lives over others? Damn straight I do. Ores, regardless of the niceness, seems to have an agenda, and people will agenda's are generally gonn do some bad things in the name of those agendas. Mute...I'm gonna be honest. I get the impression Mute was paid to shelter Ores, but also secretly supports whatever it is Ores is trying to achieve. And I think this will come bite Mute in the butt when people come for Ores and probably destroy everything Mute has tried to build because desperation and murder don't mix well.

5) My favorite illustration so far is probably this city scape https://tapas.io/episode/1188947 I love the muted color scheme so that there can be glowing highlights, expressing the nightlife atmosphere that is taking over the city. I also love the variety in building shapes going on, cause it gives the place a lot of character as well. 6) I got the impression Roara was accused of killing her ex, perhaps by someone she knew and who had enough power to get away with it. And given it's her ex, Roara of course was prime suspect and its one of those cases where the police shrugged and didnt bother looking for anyone else. Given Roara's personality, I feel like she took pity on Cane when Cane first showed up at the prison and just kind of mother henned/big sistered herself in there out of pity. And then that pity turned to a lot of love and care to want to protect Cane who seemes kind of innocence. As for her future role, I get the impression she's gonna be on the wrong side of the law cause she seems like she'd go where Cane goes, and Cane is probably gonna switch side at the rate the flashbacks are going. XD

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Why do you think the Keld are attacking people and causing destructive and deadly incidents? What does this have to do what the senators are doing that is supposedly very risky?

Attila Polyák

Finally I got around to reading a comic here... 1, Llama alien family visit! The entire visit there is just so wholesome, even though they are clearly in a rather rough situation. And they are soo adorable. 2, There's a... I'd prefer not to. So with the first part of the question unceremoniously skipped. People are different. Their circumstances, good and bad, are also different. It's no surprise that people react to the same event(s) differently. People can, and most often do, try to understand each other but seeing and understanding how someone else deals with negativity in general in life is very iffy. You are not them, you might on an intellectual level understand that something really bad happened to them, but without their experiences and way of thinking... The best you can do is try which I guess doesn't sound too promising, but it's still a lot better than being left in the darkness. 3, Kipu. He's awesome! His way of communicating, his backstory (or what we know about it so far), his choice of clothes. Everything about him is just so intriguing. I'm looking forward to learning more about his past the most. 4, I think Ores is dangerous, but despite that he can still be trusted. He feels like someone who can go to extreme lengths for what he believes in. And I think This is the reason why Mute shelters him. Their longer term goals I feel are not the same, but I also think those goals might align one way or another.

snuffysam

1) I agree with @RebelVampire - the scene where Angelo and Kipu are opening up to each other is my favorite. It's just beautiful to see how far they've come since the start of the story! For the record, that's also my answer to (7). Angelo is of course a sass-master to Kipu, but it's the moments where Kipu returns fire that really sell the relationship. For 6) - while I agree Roara probably became friends with Cane because she wanted to protect him, I also get the impression that she has also been bailed out by Cane a couple times. Perhaps she tangled with someone too big for her and Cane had her back?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What do you think Angelo/Kilene’s relationship with Prince is, and what exactly is Prince trying to protect Angelo/Kilene from? What is Angelo/Kilene’s story in general, and what is the patch showcased several times in the story?

RebelVampire

7) I definitely enjoy seeing Kipu and Angelo interact the most. Once again, I really like the development that goes with their relationship as they find common bonds despite basically despising each other beginning. And character growth is fun to watch. 8) I get the impression that the Keld know what the senators are up to and are trying to get people's attention and stop it. And people only pay attention when things get crappy, or something like that. As for what the senators are doing, I'm not entirely sure. Although I'm sure it's very illegal whatever it is, probably gonna chop down some liberties. Maybe they're secretly genociding the Keld or something like that. Either way, don't trust politicians.

9) I really love some of the details for the world building. For example, how different species have different naming structures. It's just one of those nice little details that really makes a species feel like a different species that developed its own non-earth culture. And it's details like these a lot of people neglect since they aren't always that important. Still, it's really great to see and adds some depth to the world. 10) I get the impression that Angelo and Prince dated before and had a mutual split. Maybe due to potential family pressures. That or they're brothers. One of the two. Either way they give off the vibe they were close and known each other for years. I get the impression that Angelo ran away though, and Prince is protecting Angelo from the repercussions from that. As for Angelo's story in general, maybe a rich kid, got into drugs, had health issues, rebelled against family. He strikes me very much as the type to have rebelled against everyone cause he didn't want to fit anybody's mold.

Attila Polyák

5, The funeral sequence is probably my favorite illustration (as morbid as that sounds). https://tapas.io/episode/522887 Just not just shows how funeral ceremonies are held, but also how important that death was in the earlier parts of the comic. The page not just looks great but also enhances previous pages by giving extra context. It's both beautiful in a grandiose way and plot important. 6, I absolutely agree with @RebelVampire about Roara. I think she's accused of killing her ex, however that couldn't be further from the truth. As for Cane. I just feel like he's a person who's willing to listen (pun absolutely intended, sorry I'm a bad person). Most people wouldn't want to be associated with someone who killed a significant other, Cane, however, I feel like not just listened to her, but believed her, and thus their friendship was formed.(edited)

Attila Polyák

7, That's a bit odd. I'm not really much of a fan of Angelo, yet whenever he interacts with literally anyone it's just... I donno, somehow charming and interesting. 8, When I read the talk about the risky stuff the senators are doing I for some reason almost immediately jumped to the conclusion that they are trying to build the Sybil System from Psychopass or something very similar. I think it's rather understandable why some would be against a system that judges you for stuff you didn't do and makes your most important life decisions instead of you (not that there are no advantages to a system like that but you know... the downsides are also obvious).  Aaaand... While I have no rational reason to expect this to be the case, I still do and I also have a feeling that the Kled know about this somehow and are trying to prevent it. Probably one of their leaders was scouted for this plan and this leader said no. Thus the Kled had an opportunity to know about what's going to happen and they believed it, but the rest of the world didn't and that's because of a simple reason: The senat obviously has power, possibly enough to turn the truth into a ridiculed rumor.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. What do you think happened to Kipu and Naia, especially given they both have severe physical trauma? Overall, what do you think will be the consequences of Kipu and Cane/Naia reuiniting for everyone else in the story?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Now that Prince is free to pursue Ores, what do you think will happen to Nkapu and the rest of the crew? Will they be able to get out of the situation, or will their deeds catch up to them? In general, where do you think the story goes from here?

Attila Polyák

9, What stuck me most is how architecture looks. Yes it's futuristic as it's expected to be, but different locations, cities, villages in different places look well... Different. 10, I have the feeling that they were together in the past, both from a relatively wealthy background, but Angelo somehow thumbled down the social ladder around the same time when they broke up. Ultimately I feel like the two are unrelated, and Prince is still trying to support Angelo one way or another. 11, The scenery is gorgeous. Especially the colors during sunset/sunrise. Really eye catching. Actually... Not just the landscapes, but backgrounds in general are really well drawn and just good to look at. 12, I'm really unsure, but I have a feeling the connected events in their past happened while Kipu was attending the academy. 13, Kipu's backstory. I usually am a sucker for good backstories, but since his seems to conenct to the rest of the story in multiple different points I'm genuinely curious how both his relationships and the past events turn out. 14, In short I feel Prince will successfully go after Ores and a confrontation seems to be inevitable. However I'm really unsure as to the extent of this confrontation. Like... Mute is ultimately not just the captain of a ship, but basically the leader of a small city. We clearly see that Prince is in command of a lot of people, but Mute and co also seem to be a more than just a few and while they are not as well equipped as Prince. At this point I feel like the real question is, how much is Ores worth and how far are they willing to go to get him.

RebelVampire

11) In my opinion the strength is probably the mesh between world and characters. When it comes to world-building, that can be an intense process. The more you develop, the more the "character" of the world can be to overshadow the actual characters. However, this comic finds a great balanced between being detailed yet having the story strictly remain about the character's and their struggles. Which creates an all around better reading experience. 12) Honestly, Kipu and Naia probably got into a war since ya know, that's kind of what they're training for. And no one expects war to be as shit as it usually turns out to be. So probably big devastating battle where everyone was scattered and everyone was just assumed dead. As for consequences about them reunited, I don't think any of Kipu's friends will care, but I think it's gonna be a big deal for Roara. She doesn't strike me as the trusting kind of person.

13) I am actually looking forward to seeing where Angelo goes from here since the comic pulled a red herring and Kipu's group is more or less probably gonna ditch Angelo now (since most never liked Angelo anyway). So I want to see what Angelo's role will transform to be now. 14) Everybody is screwed. That is what's going to happen. Things will come to a head cause Mute's group, and by association Nkapu's group, don't send a chance even if the might be able to runaway for a while. And I think this will drive Ores into a corner and cause much destruction and feelings of regret.

Jurinova

Hey, author of HiaDW here! Just wanted to drop by and say that reading all these comments has been wonderful and very insightful! It's interesting to see how different people read different characters and situations, not to mention how spot on some of the analysis were. Thank you so much to all who read the comic and commented!

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Home is a Distant Wish this week! Please also give a special thank you to Jurinova for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Home is a Distant Wish, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://tapas.io/series/hiadw

Jurinova’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jurinova

Jurinova’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/jurinova

Jurinova’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/jurisaur

#ctparchive #webcomics #indie comics #comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #home is a distant wish #jurinova

[youreallyshouldtalkmore]

Carnival Games_Part 1

Another installment in the Lion and His Lamb series. This story is a direct sequel to 50 Ways to Stress.

Tags: @chaneajoyyy

Part 1

Erik glared at you with a twitch.

You just stared at him, unimpressed.

It had been two weeks since Shuri’s lab accident that resulted in Erik becoming a five year old, along with 50 copies of himself running around. Since the time that Shuri managed to fix it, you had to be admitted into the infirmary. You weren’t exactly sure what they gave you but you had slept the following three days away. On the fourth you had become coherent again and T’Challa especially was thankful for that.

However, concerned about your health, T’Challa had all but banned his own cousin from seeing his own wife. His argument was that Erik needed to let you rest. How Erik actually obeyed was beyond you but you did not see him for a week following the incident.

However, the current reason for your showdown did not come until towards the end of the second week when Erik all of a sudden was feeling frisky. Trying to start something you shut him down really quick. You both were in your bedroom currently facing each other.

Erik tried to reason with you, “Y/N, you can't hold what happened to me against me.”

You only gave a sigh, I’m not holding it against you but I’m not in the mood.”

“Fine, I can respect that.” Erik with a roll of his shoulders.

You forked an eyebrow, “Then why are you upset?”

Erik gave you the stink eye, “Because strangely enough, I remember your comment about the carnival being closed. I hope you ain't shutting me down cause of that.”

A sly smile grew onto your face, “What? Are you scared? Can’t last that long?”

Erik growled, “Woman, I have self control.”

You gave a bark of laughter, “N’Jadaka, you have many things. Self control in this area is not one of them.”

Both of Erik’s eyebrows shot up, “Are you saying that I can’t last?”

You nodded slowly, pityingly, “That’s exactly what I’m saying, my love. Apparently it only took you two weeks to break.”

Erik growled, “Oh no, we gonna handle dis. As for now, we are on clock. I can go the distance.”

“Really?” you were truly skeptic.

“Really!” Erik busted out, “In fact, let’s see who breaks first. The first one to beg for it loses. The one that loses has to do something the winner says afterwards.”

You were highly amused, “That eager for punishment I see."

Erik snapped his fingers once, “Check it!”

“Fine. Don’t whine when I win then.” you flipped.

The first week of abstinence went very well. You were perfectly fine and Erik seemed like he was in control as well. By the 2nd week, you were still fine. You could tell that Erik twitched a time or two. So you decided to start teasing him. It was simple things really that you knew would set him off. But he endured it without breaking much of a sweat.

By the third week….ahh, now we were getting somewhere. You were fine, however you noticed that Erik had begun to go out of his way to stay out of your reach. The small touches that were common place stopped. There were times you turned around and he would be staring at you before he quickly snapped back to himself. You asked him, if he was alright and he swore, everything was fine in the world and that you were going to lose. How that was possible was beyond you?

You so knew he would break first that you weren't even worried about it. One thing was that once Erik married you, he knew that he didn't have to control his appetite around you. Without restrictions and with your permission of course, he always had his hands on you. That just the way he was. So willingly staying away from you for a long time?

Naaah......the brotha would break sooner or later.

By a month later, Erik was now starting to becoming visibly upset. It started small, snapping here and there and people. No one really thought much of it. It was Erik after all. He was prone to temper tantrums smalls or big.

But it wasn't until a little over a month, when he started becoming a bit much for those around him. Shuri had asked him what was wrong and Erik practically bit her head off before marching away. And he might have "accidently" broken something in her lab resulting in a stony wall of silence between the two of them. Erik would swear it's an accident and Shuri would swear it wasn't.

It also seemed like any little thing that T'Challa did, got on Erik's nerves now so much, that Erik could be found snapping at T'Challa far more than usual. You still couldn't get a straight story but from your understanding something T'Challa said or did made Erik seem to revert all the way back to when he first came to Wakanda. Yes, he brought up that pain again.

It wasn't long afterwards that this found you walking into the private room followed by T'Challa.

Once the door was firmly shut behind both of you, T'Challa turned to you. You waited for the King of Wakanda to speak however it was odd that the T'Challa kept shuffling, something that you'd never seen him do.

In fact he seemed....embarrassed?

You weren't sure.  

Finally he gave a deep sigh and looked you in the eye. Speaking gravely he started, “Cousin Y/N…..”

“Yes?”

T'Challa couldn't seem to hold your gaze so he dropped it before shifting on one foot, “I can't help but notice that N’Jadaka seems….stressed.”

“Hm...” you hummed.

He glanced at you quickly before continuing, “I don’t mean to pry but, he’s becoming a bit...” he trailed off.

“Harder to handle than normal?” you asked.

T'Challa bobbed his head once, “I was going to say testy but yes.”

You nodded slowly. You were unsure why T'Challa was telling you this. Contrary to popular opinion you didn't have complete control over your husband.

T'Challa saw that he would have to be far more direct. You looked at him blankly clearly not seeing where he was driving too. He cleared his throat and spoke quickly, “It has come to my attention through something that Erik said that seemed to indict that he was on “lockdown.""

It was strange to see the King of Wakanda use quoted fingers. So much so it took a moment to realize what T'Challa was alluding to.

It was your turn to drop your gaze, “Uh....what.....?" You weren't even sure what to say.

“Forgive me for bringing it up but believe me I don’t want to have this conversation but an angry N’Jadaka is not something we wish to deal with. Already he and Shuri are at odds. He has even taken to digging up old wounds. I know they are still there and always will be but he hasn't mentioned it to this degree. Also, he seems to hate me more than usual and that is saying something."

You tried to wave it away, "I'm sure it's just all talk......you know how he is....."

T'Challa gave you a meaningful look, "It's N'Jadaka. Do we wish to take a chance?"

You shook your head. You obviously weren't here when Erik took over Wakanda but from the little you do know, you know it left scars.

Scars better left alone.

T'Challa breathed, "Everyone has already tense from the duplication incident. I had thought that maybe his wires were still crossed...however....."  

Here he shuffled on his feet again, looking away from you briefly.

"However?" you prompted.

T’Challa was silent.

“My King?” you pressed.

“Do you all have to play this game?” he asked finally.

You cocked your head, "Game?"

T'Challa didn't look at you, “Ordinarily I would not be in this but N’Jadaka is starting to grip and complain directly to me. Things I don’t want to know about. I would hope that you can have mercy on me, my Princess.”

You narrowed your eyes. You wanted to be clear on what he was saying, "Meaning...?"

T'Challa looked at you sheepishly, “Well, I am a little more….how do you say ‘hip’ to the lingo than I used to be so I actually understand more what he’s saying. I wished I didn’t this time though. But he has alluded to that fact that...he hasn't as he say "had none" in awhile and that it was because "on a clock"....I'm still not sure what that means and I don't want to."

You fought everything in you not to sinking to the ground and hold your knees. You snatched your gaze from T'Challa who only looked away from you.

"I'm gonna kill him...." you finally hissed.

“Perhaps when you decided to play this game, I should have added no discussing it with other people." you snapped.

“I am not discussing it with other people. Cuz wanted to be all up in my business. What’s wrong? Are you okay? What’s the matter? So I told him what's the matter to get him off my back. He can’t be mad at me for that. He needs to learn to mind his dang business in the first place.” Erik griped crossing his arms.

In your opinion he looked like a petulant child as he sat sulking on the edge of the bed in your bedroom. You were standing in front of him with your hands on your hips.  

With a sigh, you folded your arms and stood on the back of one leg, “My love, you need to calm down. It’s only been about two months now, if you add in all the time before we agreed to this.”

Erik's bottom lip poked out, “I don’t remember agreeing. I just remember you forcing me.”

Your right eye twitched, “Hey, don’t blame me. You were so certain, you’d last. All this to prove something...."

Your voice went sweet as you locked your hands behind your back, "It’s very simple, my love. Just conceded defeat.....”

Erik shot to his feet and glared down at you fiercely, “I ain't gonna concede nothing….”

You batted your eyelashes as your words were laced with innuendo, “Seem to me this is a battle you’d want to lose.....”

Erik was not going to admit that you were right so he just crossed his arms, “You’d thought wrong.”

You sighed. You guess you were going to have to use your last resort that you had planned awhile ago. You’d have to force his surrender. You had three back up plans. You'd wonder how far you'd have to go.

#black panther fanfiction #black panther #killmonger x reader

[bemundolack]

I have THOUGHTS about US

Below the cut so I don’t spoil anybody. I just got out of the theater to watch the new Jordan Peele movie. This isn’t gonna be Nyx Fears or hbomberguy levels of analysis, I’ve never studied film, but I have some thoughts. I haven’t read any analysis or anything, so I reserve the right to change my opinion later.

Okay, so I think this is partly about the Society of the Spectacle? Which is a book I still need to actually read, but the basic idea is that we interact with images or facsimiles of reality because of the way neoliberal (not a buzzword, here, I mean neoliberal) capitalism commoditizes/marketizes our social interactions.

HERE COME THE SPOILERS, LADS. I warned you.

So, in the universe of the movie, there are people above ground in the world that we know, and they each have an exact copy that shares the same soul that lives underground. They’re tethered together, the ones below bluntly and disjointedly copying the ones above, down to their movements and activities and sensations. It’s really weird. Very Silent Hill. Basically, they’re all led by the main character, who switched places with her copy as a young child, and they all rise to the surface and murder their copies. They call it the “untethering.” But you don’t know that the girl switched places until the end of the movie. That’s the twist. I honestly knew it was coming, but it’s not explicitly revealed until the end.

So, I’m seeing it as a literal translation of the idea of the Spectacle? The surface people are the image and the tunnel people are the real versions? And the tunnel versions are... they’re presented as really creepy, they move really quickly and stiffly, they don’t talk to each other. The story was that the main girl, Lupita’s character, got them organized. 

Y’all. She literally put them all in red uniforms. The character is called Red in the credits. They carry gold scissors. -communism intensifies-

I thought the scissors were really good, and they play visually into another theme: 11′s and 2′s. The girl says she wants prize number 11 at the fair. It’s on the 2nd row. There’s a man holding a sign that says “Jeremiah 11:11,” and that guy has 1111 carved into his forehead. The scissors are one object that looks like a 1 when they’re closed, and they’re an 11 when they’re open. There’s the fucking rabbit ears (I still don’t understand the rabbits, but I’ll get there).

So, I’m getting a little ahead of myself. Things that reinforce the surface characters as the spectacle: the white couple (I’m specifically mentioning that they’re white because they’re VERY white and they play into some stereotypes that are used for comical levity in otherwise very heavy and confusing moments). The wife is the stereotypical wine mom who hates her husband and is obsessed with beauty and aging, and is very resentful of the main character’s appearance. There’s a bit about plastic surgery. It could come off as misogynist, I think, but the way the other women and girl characters are treated makes me give this a break. I dunno. 

The white husband and the main character’s husband are in a “keeping up with the Joneses” stereotypical thing about boats and cars. The MC’s husband says “He bought that car just to fuck with me” at one point. Like, very materialistic. The MC’s daughter is constantly on her phone, which like, social media is probably what Debord had nightmares about in terms of full marketization of social interactions. The little boy wears a mask, which is kind of on the nose. Honestly, a lot of this is a little on the nose, but the way it’s presented is so bewildering that I didn’t mind the directness.

So, when they first break into the house, which happens way earlier in the movie than I was expecting, the MC asks who they are, and Red says “We’re Americans :D” which was hilarious and terrifying. That’s most of this movie, hilarious and terrifying. But also... Americans .... the movie is called Us .... US. USA. hehe hoohoo. Like I said, on the nose, but so sublimely weird and anxiety inducing that I don’t mind it.

But also, I feel like that reinforces my communist angle? Like, they’re these masses of people rising up to destroy the people with a monopoly on superior material conditions???? Ahhhh I don’t know how to explain it right, you’ll have to see it to know what I mean. Like, there’s this bit where Red explains to the MC the differences in each stage of their life, like how MC got soft toys while Red got sharp, cold ones. MC had a c-section while Red performed one on herself. MC got warm, nutritious food, and Red ate rabbits raw and bloody (the rabbits confuse the fuck out of me). Like, it feels like a parallel between the working class and the capitalist class on the subjects of healthcare, food, material needs, etc.

It shows them being coordinated, living in barracks that look like military bunks. The only entrance is a down escalator into the underground. It’s basically impossible to get out once you’re down there. It’s not explained how the little girl got out. Also, the spectacle version of the girl who got left down there as a child is technically the one who led the revolution, but she was killed by the tunnel version, even though the tunnel version had been living as the spectacle? Is this a metaphor for taking over the state and doing a dictatorship of the proletariat? Am I reading entirely too fuckin much into this movie? Yes.

There are handcuffs that feature immediately in the movie as a way to restrain the MC, and she only gets rid of them after she kills Red. Like. You have nothing to lose but your chains?????? Also, they form a big, red line across the landscape, “From sea to shining sea,” at the end. A civil war? A revolution? They’re hand in hand. all facing one direction, united. It’s kind of beautiful and terrifying and invigorating.

Also, there’s a PTSD angle that I really appreciated. The MC is shown being diagnosed with PTSD as a child after the incident where the girls swapped (but the audience doesn’t know that at this point). Dissociation is a huge part of PTSD, and it almost feels like there’s a spectacle vs reality dynamic in your own head. I have PTSD, it sucks. It’s the worst. This really reminded me of what I’ve been thinking about lately, which is the psychosocial effects of capitalism. So I don’t know if I saw it because I’d been thinking about it anyway, or if it’s actually part of what Peele was doing.

Anyway, if Jordan Peele isn’t a communist, I am very confused and seeing communism in places it doesn’t belong.