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#people will expect you to hate someone because you like someone else
meowmeowriley · 1 day
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Bunny!Ghost anon, you know who you are. I'd like to once again address you because this is your. Fault. I've now discovered this will be a much longer fic than I'd initially anticipated. Because of that, have a little snippet of a scene that's been eating away at my head, but won't come till later in the fic. Just to tide y'all over till I can get you a proper first chapter. 😘🐇
*** Watership Down-Bad, scene ???***
Johnny was sitting at his desk when Simon entered the Sergeants's shared office, his back to the door. He didn't look up when Simon knocked on the doorframe.
"Unless someone's dead or dying, give me a minute." Johnny grumbled without stopping. He was typing like a mad man.
Simon considered his options for a moment. He could make himself known, Johnny would ask what's wrong, they'd talk, distracting Simon from his overactive mind. He could walk away, letting his maybe partner? the Sergeant finish his work.
The poor man looked exhausted though. And disgruntled. Truly, he looked how Simon felt. Fuck it. Simon shifted.
He hopped quietly up to Johnny's desk. Took half a second to evaluate his target and plan his trajectory. Then launched himself.
"Bloody christ!"
Simon landed on the desk, the keyboard went flying. It came unplugged from the monitor as it flew, then crashed into the ground loudly, keys detaching and scattering who knows where about the room. Simon huffed, settled his chin onto his dewlap, and stretched his legs out and behind himself. He closed his eyes, but not before catching a glimpse of a stunned Johnny, arms up from jumping and pushing his chair back from the desk when he'd been startled, mouth agape.
Silence.
"Ghost?" What a stupid question. Who else? Not like he could answer, though.
If anyone were to ever ask, Ghost hated being pet, being touched. Ghost had bitten his fair share of people for getting their grubby hands on his plush fur. But... Simon craved connection. He hadn't realized how desperate he was for affection until it had ben offered, and he'd lashed out, like always. Outside of his warren, he always lashed out. But Soap was a stubborn bastard. Going so far as to continuously reach out towards him, even though he always nipped. So he flopped. And if the self proclaimed 'rabbit expert' didn't see this as the tentative olive branch that it was, well then Ghost was fucked, and Simon would be alone forev-
Simon was suddenly being pulled off the desk. His eyes flew open of their own accord and he made to bite the arms that were intent on restraining him, legs kicking spastically in protest.
"Oh go ahead then ye bastard, ye've bit me before, and ye will again a thousand times." Johnny pulled him off the desk and situated him in his lap. Simon, the large bunny that he was, sprawled with his back legs in soaps lap, near the edge of the desk, and his head resting on Johnny's shoulder. One of Johnny's hands cupped his rump, supporting him, not restraining.
They held their positions for a moment, both waiting for the other to decide this wasn't what they actually wanted. Eventually, ever so slowly he could feel himself aging, Johnny brought a hand up to stroke down Simon's back. Then again. And again. He brought his hand higher, pushing Simon's ears back to his body, and breathed what could've been a slight laugh when they bounced back up.
"Suppose we'll talk later then, aye?" Did he expect a response? Surely not. He wouldn't be getting one anyway. "Hang on," Johnny instructed as he started to shift himself lower in his seat, most likely to be more comfortable. Unfortunately he jostled Simon, who was not pleased.  "Don't bite me just because you're a touch uncomf- ach! Ye fucker!" He chuckled as he scolded Simon, who had buried his face in the other man's shirt to bite at his peck.
Simon was now on his side, curled a little, head tucked under Johnny's chin. Being pet. It'd been so long since he'd willingly been pet. It was pleasant.
He lost track of time, only noting its passage when the petting stopped, and he mourned the absence of it. Johnny's hand stilled on his back. His world shook as the human beneath him began to snore. Simon settled in deeper, snuggled closer to the kindness he didn't feel he deserved, and allowed himself to purr. No one would know.
***
"The fuck is all this?" Gaz said aloud as he entered his shared office with Soap and found the remains of a keyboard scattered all over the floor. Had the man finally lost it?
Thump.
He looked around. Soap was asleep, head thrown back, drooling and snoring in his desk chair.
"Wha-"
Thump.
Curled up against Soap's chest, evidently kicking the desk, was the biggest fucking rabbit Kyle had ever seen in his life.
"Ghost?"
Thump!
Louder and more incessant this time. Didn't that mean he was angry? He looked pretty pissed. Maybe Gaz didn't actually need to file the report on the rookies breaking each others noses again. He threw up his hands in surrender, and left as quietly as he could.
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sequencefairy · 3 days
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No, tbh if I were watcher I would literally not even give in to these hateful people. I would not do anything for these types of hateful individuals out of spite. It’s not even about criticizing their business decisions anymore, it’s literally just them (the so called fans) being disgusting people who throw a tantrum because they don’t get what they want.
you know, i think they can't let this pass without saying anything at all so i do expect some kind of communication in the next couple of days allowing that Shane and Ryan and I assume some of their other staff are travelling to the UK and Scotland for the tour, but i do not think that the decision they've made is going to change in any substantial way.
the thing that a lot of folks seem to forget in all this, is that they can complain very loudly and be very terrible and say the most atrocious things but that does not change that there are contracts and legal agreements associated with these sorts of business decisions. those agreements will have cancellation clauses built in, and they will not cover "our fans are jerks, actually" as a reason to cancel a previously signed agreement.
the other thing that folks are super glossing over in all their suggestions of other options that watcher could pursue is that the guys have all said that going back to a situation where they have to make their content palatable to advertisers is just not something they're interested in doing. at all. full stop.
the streaming service is the way forward. we can take it or leave it. we can not like the timing (the friday before the weekend half the main staff travel abroad? who picked this day?) or the way that there are a lot of questions outstanding about how things are gonna work going forward (watcher has historically had a problem with communication and it has not changed yet and to be honest i don't really expect it to until they hire someone to actually be in charge of communications as their major responsibility).
we can be upset about it feeling like we're losing access to people who we've had quite a lot of access to over the last few years (too much access in my opinion, I am frankly thrilled they're gonna stop being so fucking available) and we can be miffed about no longer getting videos for free (tho, if you weren't subbed to the patreon, you weren't getting all their videos anyway?).
what we can't do, tho, is make the emotions we're feeling and processing (very loudly and publicly for some people), into everyone else's problem. people's feelings are valid, and people should feel free to feel them, but the moment you make your feelings someone else's problem? then they're just you being an asshole.
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Hey there,
You’ve got a lot of insight into Ed and his whole journey from S1 to S2. Apologies if you’ve covered all this already (and I’m not the most articulate of people so also apologies for any confusion), but I’m interested in your thoughts…
I get the impression that a basic debate here is that either Ed is a psychopathic sadist (who basically ‘reigns in his sadistic tendencies’ until he loses Stede) or he’s someone struggling with his own self loathing and the toxic environment he’s had to live in (or maybe I’ve missed the mark entirely).
If it’s the latter, do you think he becomes at all vindictive in S2? Or is he more going through the motions of what he thinks is expected of ‘the pirate Blackbeard,’ because he’s somehow trying to cut off his emotions or is just tired of even trying to be anything else (ie himself) anymore? Or maybe it’s something else?
Also, to me personally it seems like Ed is stuck in… how to describe it… a depressive stasis at the beginning of S1, like at least resigned to death but doesn’t actively seek it until the end of S1/beginning of S2. I can’t decide though if in S2 Ed wants to take the crew with him (because that at least means not dying alone, like the mother and the cat in Crimes of the Heart), or if he doesn’t mind one way or the other what happens as long as he’s dead, or if the goal is to actively make the crew despise him because he thinks hatred and death are what he deserves?
Again, sorry if I’m beating a dead horse here…
Thanks!
So a lot of people have written a good bit about this. This is just what I think (and my thoughts may change—I'm planning on rewatching "Red Flags" today).
When we meet Ed, I think he is depressive and perhaps passively suicidal—he's talking about how the one thing he hasn't tried yet is death, but he doesn't seem to be really looking to die, and meeting Stede makes him re-evaluate the life he's been living and what he wants from it.
Stede and the space of the Revenge make Ed feel safe to express the parts of him that he’d concealed within Blackbeard in order to survive (the whole bringing out of his mother’s silk and Stede giving him the space to wear it openly on his heart). He tries to find this again with the crew after Stede leaves him, and it is Izzy who tells him that he is not safe unless he is Blackbeard (by directly threatening him and telling him that he would be better off dead than being the person he is).
I think a lot of what he’s doing at the end of Season 1 and into Season 2 is malicious compliance - “You wanted the caricature of Blackbeard, well HERE HE IS!” By the time we pick up with the Revenge in Season 2, he's moving from passive to active suicidality - he has been unable to correctly perform (Izzy invoking Stede and the fact that Ed's feelings are what have made the atmosphere on the ship toxic - quite literally his inability to conceal those feelings have poisoned everything around them, according to Izzy. Ed's feelings themselves are poisonous). Ed cannot reconcile his past with what he wants to be with who he is, and he has lost the safe space to be Ed.
I don’t think he wants to take the crew with him - his first move is to try to get Izzy to kill him; when that fails, he tries to get the crew to do it. If anyone actually just pulled a gun and shot him, he'd not try to stop them. He’s goading them until they’re forced into a space where they either have to die themselves or take the initiative and kill him (hence his “finally” right before his death).
Ed has been working to become all the monstrous/demoniacal stories about himself, the ones that have been told by the English and by his trio of monstrous fathers. He hates them but he also wants their approval, and he’s transforming himself into the monstrosity that others say he is. His love for Stede and the things that he was allowed to access via his relationship with Stede are the soft, genuine parts of himself that he has been told are not him but that he's also now incapable of concealing. He’s not worthy of that softness, he’s not worthy of love, and so he tries to kill it.
He’s going to die on Stede’s ship, with Stede’s cravat around his throat, murdered by Stede’s crew, as a final confirmation that all the things he wanted to be, and all the love he felt, he wasn’t really worthy of, that Stede was right to leave him because look at what he’s done, and that the people who loved him should never have loved him. He’s dying like all his monstrous fathers have died, murdered by people who once cared for him and whom he should have taken care of, but failed to because he's a monster.
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A/N: I had to write this. I needed Nancy and Steve being parental as well as Steve being bitchy. Everyone's relationship is up in the air except for Robin and Joyce's. Joyce is clearly with Hopper. Robin is always with Vickie because people hate on Vickie for no reason. Anyways, love to all, no matter what you like. Unless you like Billy, then I'm judging you harshly.
Steve was already annoyed because his date backed out at the last minute, but now he was even more annoyed when he found out from Robin that they wouldn't be at Lucas's game. Just for one night, Lucas wasn't asking them to abandon the game completely but to take one night off. Don't they understand that this is what Lucas was afraid of? Not being able to be a jock and to be able to still be a nerd? Of losing his friends? One night wasn't an unreasonable thing to ask for. Sometimes, being a good friend means supporting them when they need it even if you don't like it or understand it, not all the time but sometimes. How do they expect Lucas to compromise for them when they need it if they never do it for him?
Steve was too in his own head to notice that someone else was striding towards the drama room. He arrived at the doors at the same time as Nancy. Their hands reached for the door handle. They stared at each other, and for a moment, Steve had forgotten what he was doing. Nancy looked so beautiful when she wasn't angry at him. Oh, she was angry. Was she angry at the same thing he was? Oh, right, Mike, Dustin, and Erica.
"You mad at the kids for abandoning and replacing Lucas, too?" Steve asked.
"Yes!" Nancy exclaimed.
"Well, let's do this together then, shall we?" Steve asked.
They opened the doors, causing them to bang loudly against the walls. Nancy and Steve stormed in, their hands on their hips.
"Hey, assholes!" Steve and Nancy exclaimed in unison.
They paused and looked at each other in surprise for a moment before turning back to them.
"Oh my God! They're together and they're both pissed!" Dustin shrieked.
"You're damn right we're pissed!" Steve yelled.
"Lucas asked for one night for you guys to be there to support him, and you couldn't give him that?" Nancy asked.
"It's not our fault Lucas went to the dark side!" Mike exclaimed.
"The dark side? So, all people who play basketball are Darth Vader?" Steve asked.
"You know Darth Vader?" Dustin asked.
"Of course, I do! I can be a little nerdy sometimes!" Steve exclaimed.
"He reads comic books, too!" Nancy yelled.
"What? Why didn't you say?!" Dustin asked.
"Whenever I try to join in on your conversations, you brush me off and scoff!" Steve yelled, and then his eyes went soft, as well as his voice. "Do you guys just think of me as a dumb jock who gives you free rides?"
"Nice mom guilt," Nancy whispered to him.
"Thanks," Steve whispered back.
"I mean, really, everything that Steve’s done for you. . .for Lucas, especially in Starcourt. He saved Dustin and Erica's life!" Nancy exclaimed. "And do you just think that all people who enjoy basketball are assholes?!"
"Nice dad guilt," Steve whispered.
"Thanks," Nancy whispered back.
"Hey, Mike, didn't you promise Will that you wouldn't join another party?" Steve asked, snapping his fingers at him.
"That's right, I mean, if D&D means so much to you, then why are you sitting here in another party?" Nancy asked.
Mike opened his mouth and closed it again, unable to find the answer. Dustin looked incredibly guilty. Good, Steve thought. Eddie scowled and stood up.
"Who gives a fuck about some stupid laundry basket game?" Eddie asked. "This is when we play. It's not our fault that Sinclair chose the wrong game."
"Lucas gives a fuck about that laundry basket game!" Steve snapped. "He wasn't asking for you to give up the game completely, he was asking for one fucking night so he that he wouldn't feel like a freak for enjoying both games! He wanted his friends to accept him for that and for someone who stood up on a fucking table to preach against forced conformity - yeah, Robin told me about that - here you are trying to force Lucas and his friends to only comform to D&D!"
Steve was pleased to see that Eddie looked like he had been slapped in the face.
"That's not - I mean - ," Eddie stuttered.
"Yeah, Robin was pretty much agreeing with you until you went after science and band," Steve said. "I mean, are you telling me that all of you have the same exact interests? Do you all like the same food? Do you all like the same music?"
"The problem isn't basketball. The problem is that every group has their assholes but they also have their good people, too," Nancy said, looking at Steve.
"And sometimes people can crossover into other groups," Steve said. "It happens."
"We didn't think Lucas actually enjoyed basketball," Dustin said.
"Yeah, he told us he wanted to stop being bullied," Mike said.
"Hm, and which group was he talking about?" Steve asked.
"What happens when one of your players gets sick?" Nancy asked.
"Well, yeah, we postpone then because it's a good excuse," Gareth said.
"A championship is a good excuse," Nancy replied. "But it's nice to know that you guys aren't completely heartless."
"Heartless?! We're not the ones beating the shit out of people because of what they like!" Eddie snapped.
"No, you're just letting them know that they're replaceable if they decide they need to explore other options," Steve said, and then he scoffed. "Can't believe I ever had a crush on you."
Eddie's eyes widened as the whole table gasped dramatically.
"You're fucking with me," Eddie said.
"No, I'm not," Steve said. "I like men and women. I know that liking more than one thing is a hard concept for you to grasp."
"That's not, I mean, you can like whatever you want, but liking basketball and D&D is different than that," Eddie frowned.
"I don't see how," Nancy said, shaking her head. "Do you guys play every day of the week?"
"Well, no," Eddie said.
"Well, if you don't play every day of the week, then it's not going to be the end of the world if you wait just one more day?!" Nancy asked.
"Okay, enough of this. I don't care if you guys come or not, but Dustin, Erica, and Mike, you guys are coming to the game to support your friend," Steve said clapping his hands.
"But - " Mike started to say.
"You heard your mother! I mean, your Steve! You heard Steve!" Nancy exclaimed, shaking her head again.
Mike and Dustin ducked their heads as they gathered their things. Erica held her head up high as she did the same thing.
"I didn't do anything wrong, they tricked me!" Erica exclaimed.
"Erica!" Nancy scolded.
As they were leaving with the kids, Steve overheard one of them - Frankie? - speak up.
"I wasn't ever going to say anything, but I, uh, kind of like watching basketball," Frankie said.
"Fine, fine! We'll go to the goddamn game," Eddie said.
It didn't take long for them to catch up with the group.
"Decided to join us assholes, huh?" Steve asked.
"Yeah, look, you were right, and Nancy was right. . .it's not going to be the end of the world if we wait one more day," Eddie said. "And of course, I know that Sinclair isn't going to turn out like those assholes especially if he has the support of his friends."
"Yeah, well, I'm not the one you need to apologize to," Steve said.
"Yeah, that's true. . . So, you have a crush on me?" Eddie asked.
"Had. As in past tense," Steve replied.
"Yeah, I suppose I deserve that," Eddie said. "I am curious to know if you are seeing anyone, though."
"I just tore you a new one," Steve said, looking at him in confusion.
"I know," Eddie grinned.
"Well, I'm kind of seeing someone," Steve said.
"Kind of?"
"It's on and off."
"Is he being intentionally vague?" Eddie asked Nancy.
"I can't say," she grinned.
"By the way, was I little too bitchy in there?" Steve asked Nancy.
"No, you were perfect. I know someone else who would have loved it like a certain someone did," Nancy said.
"Okay, you two aren't bad assholes, just annoyingly vague assholes," Eddie said, and they both giggled. "This is going to be a long game."
The game wasn't so bad as Eddie had thought it was going to be, especially when Chrissy jumped up and waved excitedly at the sight of him. He eventually got caught up with it when Lucas was sent in to play. He was glad he did come when he saw the pure joy on the young man's face when he saw almost everyone he cared about was there to cheer him on. When Lucas scored the winning shot, Eddie hugged Nancy and Steve both tightly. He needed to be reminded every once in a while that it's not just about him and what he likes. He started Hellfire to give lost sheep like Lucas a place to belong, and he almost ruined that because of a few bad eggs who happened to like basketball. Besides, people needed to know that just because you have different interests doesn't mean you have to be enemies.
"Thank you for making me come," Eddie told them. "I would have regretted it."
A week or so later. . .
"So, Nance, what were you saying about it not being the end of the world if I postponed the game for a day?" Eddie asked with a cheeky grin as he laid in his hospital bed.
"We stopped it before it could happen," Nancy rolled her eyes. "Do you regret going to Lucas's basketball game?"
Eddie grinned as he thought about the pure joy on Lucas's face.
"Nah!"
"Well, no one stayed dead, so there's that!" Chrissy grinned.
"Well, Hopper's still dead," Steve said.
"Oh, yeah," Chrissy frowned.
Suddenly, there came a knocking at Eddie's hospital room door. Robin got up to answer it.
"Steve, you were wrong. Hopper is very much alive!" Robin exclaimed. "Holy shit!"
Robin let Hopper and Joyce into the room. Moments later, Vickie skidded in behind them.
"Hey, guys, did you hear? Someone said they saw Chief Hopper wandering the hospital!" Vickie said and glanced at Hopper for a moment. "Hiya, Chief! Isn't that crazy, Robin? He's supposed to be dead, right?!"
"It takes her a moment," Robin said. "She gets there eventually."
"Oh my God! . . . Eddie, is that your mom?"
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genericpuff · 1 year
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you ripped off your entire "theory" about LO being made for kids from Pyrrhic Victoria's latest video lol. Word for word, that's pretty hypocritical but then I guess that's to be expected from the person who still financially supports Webtoon and LO even though you've based your entire image off how much you supposedly hate LO
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if I "ripped off" P&V then this is news to me because I've only watched each one of their videos once (they're long and they cover a SHITLOAD of topics, bruh) and it's been ages, BUT-
This honestly makes for a great segue to talk about opinion sharing in the fandom in general because ima be honest with you, there's like... only so much you can talk about in the LO crit community. Like as much as we make fun of the stans for all sharing one echo chamber of opinions, the ULO community isn't that much different in the sense of like, having the same takes and opinions about the topic we've chosen to unite on and being hyper passionate about it to the point of having the same conversations at least ONCE per week. Like it's just a webcomic about pink and blue people, a lot of takes are pretty much the exact same and that's not a BAD thing but ... both P&V and I have been in the ULO stratosphere for AGES now so ?? There's only SO MUCH to cover about LO before it all starts blurring together lmao I can't "own" an opinion, and they undoubtedly know that they can't "own" any one specific opinion either, especially within a fandom like this. C'mon now.
"LO is made for babies" or "LO is marketed to children" is also one of the way more common takes, that's like saying I'm ripping off panel redraw accounts for doing my own panel redraws. LO's been compared to other things that are commonly marketed to children like MCU films, Disney movies/shows, etc. time and time again because that's been SUPER common knowledge for YEARS now prior to any of us joining the community, regardless of "who joined first", it's literally WT's entire business model and it's pretty plainly obvious. The specific comparison I made was just one that came to me during a ramble on stream the other night and I wanted to put it to paper because that's what I do here. If that specific comparison has been made in the past already in a 3 hour video that I completely forgot/didn't realize, then great! I'm not the only one who came to this conclusion! Thanks for the validation!
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None of this is with shade at P&V or even you, btw, I think it's honorable you want to stand up for them if you enjoy their stuff and I can't harp on you for that but like... this ain't it? Y'all gotta understand this community is still HELLA small as far as fandom culture goes, we all know everybody, have helped build these parts of the community together from cardboard and glue whether or not we still directly affiliate with each other, and share many of the same takes and schools of thought that stem back YEARS before even WE were in the community ourselves so it's kinda silly to try and point fingers at any one person and say "abc is ripping off xyz!" esp when the "ripping off" is just like, having the same opinion about something? A lot of both our takes also intersect with takes from other antiLO accounts and channels that pre-existed theirs and my own. It's a fandom, after all, no single person can lay claim to any specific opinion we're all coming from many of the same schools of thought with foundations that pre-exist us, it's just different people delivering their own unique spins on takes that have been heard many times before. Some of us do re-imaginings, some of us do panel edits, some of us just crack great jokes about it. We're not all pals with each other, we're not even all from the same platforms or community bubbles, but I think we're all pretty familiar with each other's content and what each one of us is about for the most part.
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I know you're likely not gonna take "trust me" as a promise that I'm not ripping anyone off, but like... trust me, I'm not sitting here sifting through P&V's 15+ hour video backlog and going "huehuehue I'm gonna steal this!" because I would gain nothing from doing that and their content is ultimately just part of a bigger genre of topics and opinions that are constantly being re-assessed and re-discussed as the comic goes on, they were just the first ones to make an ongoing Youtube series about it (which is commendable in and of itself with how much content they've made around it, most other Youtubers just review it once in 20-90 minutes and call it a day).
P&V's contributions to these discussions have their own personal unique flair to them but the opinions themselves aren't all brand new revelations. Back when I still watched their videos, their alternate scenarios as to how something could be written were pretty neat because it came with their own unique experiences and viewpoints as webcomic creators which isn't something you'll find on every other account. But "LO is marketed to children and here's why" isn't exactly one of those takes because it's one we've all talked about in the community LONG before those videos even existed. And it's been talked about since before any of us were in the community, period. So... yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say on that lmao it's not that complicated, there's no "conspiracy" going on here, it's a Tumblr post about something that's already been talked about in the past by many others, my guy.
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As a closing note, accusing me of being hypocritical on the basis of something you don't even have facts on like "financially supporting Webtoons and LO" is such a silly hill to die on, c'mon pal. You want me to stand here and tell you my side of it as if you're even gonna believe me? Because even if I do say "actually, I no longer even have the Webtoons app on my phone and I can't even remember the last time I paid for coins on the app because all the series I usually FP nowadays are on hiatus and I stopped FP'ing LO back at the start of S3" are you really gonna believe me? Did you even bother to read through the majority of this post? You want receipts or something? What do you want from me? I got nothing to hide, but I'm not gonna sit here and try to explain myself to someone hiding behind an anon filter who's already decided I'm a hack so idk what you want 🤣 Even if I did still FP the series, what then? There are people in this community who do still FP to keep up on content so they can keep talking about it, why is that a crime all of a sudden? Since when did this become some kind of weird "prove you're loyal" indoctrination? Or are you just mad my takes are basic?
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kkujo · 8 months
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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dreamsy990 · 11 months
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perfectionism, i think.
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musical-chick-13 · 1 month
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#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but#not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about.#that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends#that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even#considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF...#like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy)#but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car#crash or fix me soup when I'm sick.#like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad#and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship#right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go#if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through#the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!!#and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after#she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think#anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore#but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst#Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that#this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me#WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!#*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today#and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore!#In the Vents#GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
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lith-myathar · 1 month
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There's this shitty thing about having trained yourself not to have needs, which is that you become so good at hiding them that even when you think you're signaling that you're upset and need help, it's so outwardly subtle that nobody really notices or they read it as a signal to leave you alone.
(Which is so wrongheaded in and of itself, like one needs to ASK for help not wait in silent agony for someone to notice you're in pain.)
and that sucks because it makes you feel like no one notices when you're upset because no one actually cares about you enough to pay attention
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lhrry · 1 year
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x
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twilightarcade · 9 months
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beginning to think that making friends or at least decent acquaintances at The Social Event is essential to surviving The Social Event
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nexus-nebulae · 6 months
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god i fucking hate the feeling of knowing exactly what you need to help you and telling people that clearly and loudly and asking for help in the most specific ways you know how and still being ignored or being told they don't know what to do for me
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technicolorxsn · 9 months
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maybe I should
#i kinda want to meet with him again before im too busy again....#one more time to feel connected rather than isolated#i tried... i did talk to people and try to connect but... it feels like no one ever hears me#i get responses but no questions back#i hate always having to do all the work in everything.. sometimes i wish someone else would for a change#i dont like having to make all of the effort...#i hate that once i start it becomes expected#and if i stop or ask for change im 'being mean' and it hurts#is it really so much to ask for someone to want too?#it makes me feel like people only put up with me... only placate me#maybe its true.. it has been in the past#i dont think they cared about me.. im not sure she did either anymore#i just... make myself useful and sometimes i wonder if that's the only reason im kept around#because of kind words and gifts and my willingness to play mom and therapist and fill whatever need#what if thats all im good for?#i love giving gifts. i love putting in effort. i love showing how deeply i care. i love talking to people. i do.#but i hate that its always my 'job' my 'responsiblility'#and if i ask for any reciprocity im in the wrong.. im too much work or im just straight up wrong and 'what do you mean i totally do? youre#just needy and crazy'#im so tired....#i wish it were also seen as what it is rather than it becoming expected..#its a gift not an obligation.. i want people to appreciate what i do rather than expect it..#at least hes not like that.. not really#hopefully i can meet with him this weekend
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sege-h · 9 months
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The kids are not only not alright but theyre just downright stupid rn
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sisterdivinium · 11 months
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It's interesting to stroll around Fanlore reading discussions that took place in 2007 talking about the fractured nature of fandom on LJ and people interacting without having enough context (as in commenting on a post they did not read by a user they do not know) when you're living in 2023 and people distribute likes without reading anything or commenting; when there's supposedly "drama" of unknown origins happening in more than one website at the same time because there's no real "home base" for fandom activity anymore; and we're all carrying on with our lives reblogging things without even looking at previous notes and reactions to that same post even if out of simple curiosity...
#what gets me is the lack of discussion. i don't expect anyone to approach things in a more ~intellectual manner no#but i guess i expect a little more than what i see. i'd *like* to see a little more. more than just personal unfounded opinion#idk i have the distinct feeling that we're all screaming into the void only louder and louder and louder#(you will never convince me that twitter is a good place for discussion because it just isn't. it wasn't made for that#it doesn't support it. its very quick structure is part of why so many people have long recognised it as toxic social media)#(it's talking over one another in fragments. if you agree on there all is peachy but if you don't then lol good luck)#anyway. again. i do know tumblr isn't exactly proper for any of this either; the dashboard isn't designed for it#but it's not like i can convince anyone to switch to a slower and more text/reflection-based platform either now can i#i think about migrating every day but then i'd REALLY be screaming into the void#silly blabbering#i'm allowing myself to post this on this blog because it isn't strictly WN related but also it is. i hate twitter fandom lol#(also if you're wondering yes i did read that one for the bakhtin. in this house we love and support bakhtinian studies)#(just in case my last little essay on wn didn't clue you in regarding that lol)#ALSO i love the fact that the post (the actual post. if you click the link and follow through to the original post. which you should)#links to another post that goes to another post (i love these link black holes) where the author voices things i feel too lol#about crafting extensive essays and the expectation regarding their response#i sometimes think that LJ fandom is what made me choose my degree#why am i seeing myself through someone else's words written in 2006 ksjdfhksdjjhksdgjsd#and yeah yeah we should respond to other people too -- but how when no one is writing the sort of thing you want to/can reply to?#i'm not interested in the colour of beatrice's knickers (not that anyone has talked of that... afaik... but you get what i mean)
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