You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".
Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.
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Listen, you should never film strangers in public without their consent, but I swear there need to be fines or something for people who do that shit in some spaces. For example: I had to go to the ER last night, and some jerk filmed a woman who just came in and was clearly having an asthma attack. She immediately got to go back, and he was unhappy about that. Believe me, I get that it sucks having to wait when you're in pain, but you don't get to pick who deserves care when. The medical system in the US is a nightmare, and the ER could be the worst moment of someone's life. No one deserves to be recorded because some jack ass believes someone doesn't look like they need care.
This is fine to reblog. People who film strangers should be shamed if nothing else.
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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one of the things that annoys me so bad right now is seeing letterboxd reviews about Lisa Frankenstein being like "she's such a horrible character", "those people didn't deserve to be killed" blah blah blah
SHUT UP
it's a horror romance!! a girl keeps a reanimated dead guy in her closet and falls in love with him! what did you think was going to happen? it's SUPPOSED to be fucked up and weird and that's part of its charm. quit being boring, let female characters (esp in horror) be messy and chaotic and morally gray.
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
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i love the tower princes. i love that there’s absolutely no way in hell that this friendship is even remotely good for either of them. love that they assuredly are making each other SO much worse with every second they spend together.
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It would be so funny if, instead of recording a heartfelt message, Jason just called Bruce a bitch one last time
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this disability pride month, stop making jokes about people in wheelchairs standing up or walking.
can I stand and walk? sure, for a short while and with pain. the consequences for trying to be out all day without a wheelchair are that I'll be in bed for the rest of the week, too tired and in too much pain to move.
but the government won't give me my own wheelchair because they have the same attitude as these jokes - I can stand up, so I don't need one. exercise is good for you, you should walk!
it keeps me trapped in the house, unable to do anything more than short stints anywhere without borrowing or hiring a wheelchair - one that causes me pain to sit in and relies on someone to push me (usually with difficulty), because they're not going to have a high-end chair for that sort of thing.
it's not a miracle that a wheelchair user can stand or walk. it's something we should aspire to see more often.
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A little detail I really like in episode four that really adds to the consistency of Charlie’s character is that in all of her interactions with Valentino, while she’s clearly extremely uncomfortable and generally disgusted by everything he does, she never seems genuinely afraid or truly intimidated by him. Even when Valentino licks her arm, Charlie’s reaction is more of a ‘grin-and-bare-it-through-something-super-disgusting-and-uncomfortable’ response but she does not come off as truly threatened by Valentino. Likewise, all the times following this where Charlie comes off as ‘intimated’ by Valentino feel more like they’re more part of her ‘gotta play nice with everyone’ façade.
And of course, when Charlie gets angry we get a glimpse of that façade CRACKING and what lies underneath all of the ‘bright and bubbly princess who just wants to help everyone’ vibe that Charlie is always trying so hard to stick to. And that if Angel hadn’t stopped her, things would likely have gone VERY badly.
For Valentino anyway XD
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I truly, TRULY do not know how to say this, because the fact that I have to say it makes me feel like I am losing my grip on reality. But no, in the post-capitalistic anarchist utopia, I will not be relying on “autistic minecraft girlies” to be building inspectors because - and this may shock you - one of those occupations takes years of education in how to read and interpret hundreds of thousands of lines of regulations based on complicated math and physics that were the result of decades of tragedy and death, and the other one involves playing a children’s video game.
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Being ace is an opposite of fuck around and find out:
Fuck nobody and never know for sure
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I need to be able to be in the car with the bnha boys just gossiping and bitching about people.
Like it’s inbetween classes midweek and we’ve gone out to grab some drive through. I’m sitting with French fries in hand and a steady beat is pumping through the radio as we sit it the car. The static hum of the AC mingling with the whizzing of cars on the road. Just fully able to decompress as we playfully tilt our converse clad toes like windshield wipers sipping on the straw of our soda.
Katsuki who absolutely eats that kind of shitty friendship smack talk sessons UP. He’s leaning over to turn the radio down as you continue to talk at the red light. Katsuki always immediately jumps in to your defense and gives the best grievances in commentary to your argument. The chances are he doesn’t even know this girl, but he does recall you complaining about this same classmate a few weeks back, and on, and on. He knows she’s not good news. And the man lives for the way he verbally obliterates people in your defense. Something about hearing Katsuki do it in his natural snarl and growl has you punctuating the end of his comment with an exaggerated “thank you!!”
Shoto is buckled in for the ride as your passenger princess. he’s quickly gotten a handle on gossiping without ever having mentioned a name. He’s already shoving a fry into his mouth as you drive off down the road complaining. In the other hand, Shoto is cross-referencing Instagram, Facebook, and the like to match up names and faces himself. Once he finds it to confirm he purposefully tilts his phone under your nose and shows you the worst possible photo as their reference. He lives for the moment where you give an excited little gasp. It’s his sacred duty as the “friend of a friend” to provide a dozen infallible cover stories where together you can gracefully escape any encounters with said individuals. “Of course, love.”
He’s already got his notes app pulled up to get started and he’ll crack open the drawer of manilla folders when he gets home.
Izuku seems to enjoy hearing you rant on and on as he nods feverishly and passes you nuggets and French fry’s that have been lightly cooled by holding them up against the AC vents. He loves to sit and hear you talk even if you’re upset while doing it. In fact, he usually ends up admiring the strength you have to ignore the other person. Internally, Izuku is hanging onto every word and always trying to figure out the best solution to your dilemma. After your long-winded ranting is complete he’ll shake off the adoring doe eyes and now he’s offering up more than just delicious food - he’s offering up the perfect kind of comeback from the literary analysis he’s been doing this whole time. Every once in a while there’s an option he rattles off that nearly makes you choke until he frantically hands you your drink. It isn’t until you finally drink and sigh, “that’s good.” That he relaxes again and puffs up his chest at the notion of him having helped you.
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was talking with someone irl about Star Trek the other day and this person really hates Discovery for many stupid reasons (misogyny) and he was whining about like. casual swearing. in Star Trek. like he was mad they said fuck. and he looks at me and he's like "it completely sucks you out of the experience right??" and I just looked at him and went "no it makes me want a modern DS9 show of some kind cause I think Kira Nerys deserves to say fuck" which wasn't the answer he wanted I dont think
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staff logging on to tumblr dot com today
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