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linkemon · 11 days

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You're in the wind, I'm in the water (Dan Heng x Reader)

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi. You can also check out my commissions if you're interested.

Other oneshots can be found here.

ᴅᴀɴ ꜰᴇɴɢ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴡᴀᴛᴇʀ, ᴅᴀɴ ʜᴇɴɢ ɪꜱ ᴡɪɴᴅ. ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴜꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴡɪɴᴅ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇꜱ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜᴇꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴋᴇ ꜱᴜʀꜰᴀᴄᴇ, ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ꜰᴏʀ ɪᴛꜱ ᴏᴡɴ ʀᴇꜰʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ. ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴅᴀɴ ʜᴇɴɢ ᴡʜᴏ ʀᴇᴀʟɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴀʟᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ ʜᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴊᴇᴄᴛ ʜɪꜱ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ɪɴᴄᴀʀɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, ʜᴇ ʜᴀᴅ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴏɴ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜɪᴍ. ᴛʜᴀᴛ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡᴀꜱ [ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ].

ᴀᴅᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ɪɴꜰᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ:

ᴏɴᴇꜱʜᴏᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ꜱᴘᴏɪʟᴇʀꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛꜱ ɪɴ xɪᴀɴᴢʜᴏᴜ ʟᴜᴏꜰᴜ.

ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅʟʏ ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ɪɴ ᴇɴɢʟɪꜱʜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱ. ɪ ᴛʀʏ ᴍʏ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ʙᴜᴛ ᴀɴʏ ᴛɪᴘꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡᴇʟᴄᴏᴍᴇᴅ.

Dan Heng felt as if the last few days had passed like a kaleidoscope. A colourful mirage of emotions he didn't want to feel. Events that took all his strength out of him. Memories that weren't his and yet they haunted him like the ghosts of the elders in the Scalegorge Waterscape.

Only now, sitting by one of the waterfalls, did he get the impression that he finally had a moment of peace, torn away by the clawed claws of an evil fate. The quiet sound of the water was nothing like the voices of the soldiers who had encountered the mara a few days ago.

It took him a long time to realize a simple fact — he chose a place where HE would come. A typical source of water from which he could draw strength. He smiled bitterly and turned his back. There was no point in running away from here. Even if the beauty surrounding him suddenly turned ugly, leaving an unpleasant aftertaste.

His stay in Xianzhou Luofu turned his life upside down. The past had long legs. He ran as hard as he could but in the end it was faster. It caught him in a place he didn't want to return to. He wished that the wind playing in the branches of the twisted trees would blow away all thoughts from his head. Especially the one he had doubts about.

[Reader]. She flooded his mind like a wave. He rejected his past. He drew a line between himself and Dan Feng. The title of Imbibitor Lunae was no longer his. He was sure Bailu would do just fine. She kept Luofu safe. He left all the residents in good hands. He told everyone his name was Dan Heng. Many still saw him as a previous incarnation. And even though it hurt like old wounds, he rejected their opinions. The express crew were his family and they didn't care about the sins of who he once was. Only their opinion mattered. At least that's what he thought.

Jing Yuan, although he wasn't like Blade, stuck to his previous name quite stubbornly. At least he was aware that the general was doing it out of habit, not out of pure hatred. Something he couldn't say about the old Yingxing. [Reader] was neither of them. She called him Dan Heng from the very beginning. Sometimes he wondered if they met after all of this, if she would still hold on to it. If she hadn't stood next to Sushang that day and met him first as an archivist, would she still have had reservations? Although he wasn't Dan Feng in her mouth, he was Dan Feng in her eyes. He had seen it in every conversation they had ever had since the truth came out and she managed to recognize him.

Her eyes traced the pointy ears and followed the emerald horns even when they weren't there. She involuntarily talked about the things that Dan Feng loved. She recalled the times when he was still next to her, becoming embarrassed rather quickly when she realized what she was doing. He would interrupt anyone else who was doing it. This double standard only existed with her and it was eating him from the inside.

Dan Heng bit his lip. He was like a gust that sometimes met the water. He rushed over the surface and saw his reflection but he was not a lake. What a strange feeling it was to be and not be loved at the same time. [Reader] loved his reflection. He could show it for a short while for her but no matter what he did, he couldn't become water because he was wind.

It wasn't that he wanted to become Dan Feng. He hated his previous incarnation. Who he was and what he did. His predecessor followed him step by step, reminding him of himself and not letting him be who he wanted. But why did [Reader] have to be in love with him? In that hidden part of himself that he never wanted to become.

This love was like a sea current. The swift current seemed to carry him away without any hope. And maybe because it resembled water, he wondered if it was his feelings, or maybe the remnants of the attachment of a former self that he had tried so hard to let go of. After all, they had known each other for such a short time, and he, as he deeply wanted to believe, was not a man who would give his feelings to anyone he came across. On the other hand, March immediately noticed that he was in love and said it was obvious. So maybe it was him after all?

Dan Heng from [Reader] didn't sound like Dan Feng. Even if it was hiding behind it. Maybe he could pretend to be like him? He turned back towards the waterfall and looked at his reflection. Ripples in the water obscured his vision.

He wouldn't. He didn't want to be him. Never. Even for her.

So maybe she could pretend? After all, he looked similar and had a fraction of his former power...

He shook his head. Not at this price. Neither of them would be happy.

At least he had memories. Even if they weren't his. Glimmers of light amidst the dark void of forgotten days. Sometimes they came back involuntarily. He hated the echo of Dan Feng's laughter, even though he felt like the joy was his own, but he loved [Reader's] laughter. Her silhouette looming somewhere under his eyelids. The same one that came back to him when they sat on the stairs after sunset after a hard day's work. The warmth of her lips, once so close, now within reach but at the same time eons away. How easy it was to lose himself in this old reality that was not his own. In that which interspersed his nightmares with sweet peace.

But these were stories of bygone days from several hundred years ago and he had to constantly remind himself that they did not belong to him.

The sound of familiar footsteps sounded on the path. The wind brought the sound of trampled leaves. He didn't need to turn around to know who was standing there. Of course she figured out where to look for him. This was the place HE would came to.

— Dan Feng.

This was the first time something like this had happened. Until now, she had always been careful not to use his pre-reincarnation name.

Maybe it was the sight of him surrounded by a familiar waterfall. Or one of the memories gnawed by the teeth of time, which now came to life in her eyes. He couldn't find it among the dark depths of his memory. If it existed, it belonged only to her. It was probably even better that way. This made "Dan Heng, not Dan Feng " easier to leave his mouth.

He wasn't ready for the regret that appeared on [Reader's] face. Nor for a tear that gathered in the corner of the eye, only to quickly disappear under a hard-blinking eyelid in confusion. However, he did not expect the feelings that spread around his heart even more. Jealousy, sadness and nostalgia of days gone by. He never found out if they really belonged to him. They were floating somewhere on the transparent surface of water, touched by the gust of wind.

#dan heng x reader #honkai star rail x reader #oneshot x reader #dan feng #vidyadhara #chemtrails over the country club #dan feng x reader #unrequited love #past lovers #lana del rey

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aphro · 2 months

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𓅻 | I finally found you...

| A remake version of the old one bc I got new ideas ✺. ✺. ✺. ⋆˙⊹ Summary: 'Kratos found his past lover..' ⋆˙⊹ Warnings: NSFW, MARRIAGE, ANGST, MEMORIES LOSE, BLOOD, REVENGE, SEX, SFW, COMFORT. ✺. ✺. ✺. [Ignore any misspelling please English is not my first language] -Aphro.

-CHAPTER 1: Who are you..?

• A gloomy sky and a wintry atmosphere. Footprints of large, small and medium-sized cover the snowy ground in a straight line. Kratos and his companions Freya, his son Atreus, and his wise friend Mimir, the head hanging behind Kratos, lead their way to the broken prison in Niflheim, Advancing towards Raven Tree. Kratos saw the prison covered in snow.

✢|KRATOS: 'there it is..' He said under his breath and his son answered tiredly.

✢|ATREUS: 'Finally, my feet hurt a lot, father.' Freya smiled a little at Atreus comment and put her hand on top of Atreus' head, caressing him. Mimir didn't say anything.

After this light conversation ended, the team continued on its way towards the prison, and after a few minutes they arrived at the prison gate. It was really broken.Kratos entered and his team followed behind him. No one commented on the place. They were silent and cautious, their weapons in their fists, ready to fight.

Eager steps spread throughout the place, and Kratos' sharp gaze wandered around the prison, searching for any trace of Tyr. Mimir's head fell silent, and after a while he said:

✢|MIMIR: 'I think he's in that room on the right, brother.' He said calmly and wisely in his words. Kratos nodded his head and a light 'Hm' left his lips as he turned to the door. Freya and Atreus followed his steps.

Kratos opened the door and found Tyr Sitting on the ground, there is a rope around his neck connected to the ceiling of the cell. But what caught Atreus's attention was the unconscious completely naked body of a woman, with her reproductive system covered by a white piece of cloth as a towel. He looked at Freya and he poke her arm and whisper:

✢|ATREUS: 'look over there, That woman..'. Freya looked at her and then looked at Atreus.

✢|FREYA: 'She's just a prisoner, nothing special'. She said And then she look at Kratos, who freed Tyr by cutting the rope from his neck. The woman woke up from those sounds and opened her eyes. No one paid attention to her, but after a while she spoke. Her voice was calm and soft.

✢|WOMAN: 'who are you?'. She said, curiosity overwhelming her tone, and she looked up at that huge man with white skin and red marks on half his body. He seemed strong and angry. He reminded her of someone she knew, but her memories were blurry.

Tyr looked at her. His cell mate, She was a peaceful and quiet woman who did not speak much like a doll, and glorious for sure, Tyr looked at her and then answered.

✢|TYR: 'don't worry, Y\N. Those people are good'. Atreus nodded his head in confirmation of Tyr's statement, then Freya say:

✢|FREYA: 'whor are you?'. Freya asked her, giving her a sharp look. Y/N looked at her, her eyes full of innocence. She answered in a low voice.

✢|Y/N: 'i'm Y/N..' Freya nodded her head, but something caught Kratos' attention when he saw that naked woman. His gaze fell on her neck, a necklace dangllin down between her cleavage. "Is this the immortality necklace?... No.., this does not make sense. I gave it to the love of my life. But She is dead!. How did it fall into this woman's hands?" This dialogue took place inside Kratos. No one knows about this story Not Even, his deceased wife, Faye, Not Even, his son, Atreus. He tried to recall his memories when he was still a young man, full of anger in order to take revenge on Zeus, but also full of romance to a certain woman. Kratos did not feel himself until these words came out of his mouth like poison from the venom of a snake.

✢|KRATOS: 'Who gave this to you?!' He said in an angry voice, and his eyes became more intense, his son Atreus and Mimir and Frey never seen Kratos that mad. Kratos Snatch the necklace from her delicate neck that it leaves a small red hickey from the aggressive way he snatch it from her.

A small cry left her lips and looks up at him scared. Her body start to tremble slightly and her fingers ashes for having her most dearest necklace back to her.

✢|Y/N: 'no, please give it back..' she plead and Tyr looks at both of them before he speak.

✢|TYR: 'I suggest you god killer to give it back to her.' Tyr said calmly, trying to calm the situation. Kratos did not answer him, then he put it in his pocket.

Y/N looked at him with tears streaming from her eyes. She did not understand how hard this man’s heart was. She spoke, her voice trembling.

✢|Y/N: 'You have no right to take what I own!'. She said while crying. Atreus and Tyr were sad about her situation. Mimir was listening to what was happening and wanted to ask Kratos what was wrong and why he behaved like this towards this harmless woman. But Freya did the thing.

✢|FREYA: 'are you okay?' She asked with concern in her voice as she was about to put her hand on his back. Kratos pushed her away from him, then sighed and returned to his normal state. The fire of questions was still burning in his heart and the hearts of everyone inside the cell.

-CHAPTER 2: REMEMBER..

A week passed in Freya's camp. The camp was beautiful, like a forest full of good things. Kratos, the god of war, sitting on a log with his own axe in his hand, sharpening it with a stone. The fire was on even it was morning and quite sunny. His son Atreus and Mimir were away with the blue dwarf brok, it was quiet between Kratos and Y/N. Of course he took some glances at her from time to time but he didn't talk, the necklace was still in his pocket and her neck was healed.

✢|Y/N: 'butterflies..' Y/N whisper as she looked up at the butterflies flying over her head. A blue one landed on her nose, as Kratos watch this a same scene Plays in his memories it was the same thing, the woman he loves with a butterfly up on her nose. He gets a feeling of nostalgia inside his chest and he speak.

✢|KRATOS: 'the butterflies suits you..' he say in a low, deep voice. It was the same phrase he said to his past lover, "the butterflies suits you". Y/N looked at him with wonder and curiosity and then said with a little anger in her voice.

✢|Y/N: 'i'm still angry at you, cruel man.' she said with a slight pout that curved on her soft, plump lips, her eyebrows frowns softly and Kratos couldn't help but faintly smile.

✢|KRATOS: 'i'm Kratos. Not cruel man, lady'. He said simply and looks back at his axe, Y/N didn't reply and looks up at the butterflies before Kratos asks her again.

✢|KRATOS: 'how did you end up being in prison?'. He asked with curiosity as he looks at the beautiful woman next to him, he can't help but feel drawn to her but he's ego is more important.

✢|Y/N: ' I don't remember..' that's all what she said and that leaves some questioning marks up his head. "She doesn't remembe, what does she mean?" Kratos thought to himself.

✢|KRATOS: 'you don't remember?, How come?'

✢|Y/N: 'I've lost my memories'. She said simply and lostness fills her tone.

Before Kratos could say another word, Freya, walks over them and say in a slight sacrastic tone and a slight smirk.

✢|FREYA: 'what are you two talking about?' she say as she sit between Y/N and Kratos. Y/N went quiet again and look down at the flowers while Kratos looked down at his axe. Freya didn't like it when someone ignores her, she looked at Kratos and whisper to him.

✢|FREYA: 'did she say something?' Kratos shake his head in reponce and then Freya nod and looks back at the fire. The trio was staring at different things.

After a few hours, the sky began to darken and the wind became cold but calm. Y/N was inside a tent that Brok and Sindri had set up for her to sleep in. The camp was silent. She heard the sound of butterflies and birds fluttering in the sky. It was the only sound present.

Y/N's eyes could not sleep as she looked at the moonlight through the tent, the confused memories and life passing before her eyes, that strange man again, that angry man who fell in love with her like Romeo fell in love with Juliet. She could feel his eyes penetrating her, looking into her soul. Y/N tossed and turned in her bed. She couldn't describe her feeling. Was it longing and sadness, or was it just lust or... love?.

Y/N closed her eyes, trying to sleep, but she couldn't. Her mind said, "They can't sleep and forget." She wanted to remember her life, her relatives, who she loved, her family, but she couldn't. She sighed sadly, and the questions were running through her mind till she falls asleep.

-CHAPTER 3: GOLDEN AGE.

A sunny day in Olympus. The peasants took the fruits from their fields and put them in baskets to sell and serve to the gods. Y/N was a young version of herself, full of life, living inside a simple house with her aunt and her two daughters. Anthea and Phoebe. Their characteristics include jealousy and envy, like their mother, Lone. They treat Y/N as if she were a servant and not her deceased mother's guardian, Cassia.

✢|ANTHEA: 'clean that spot, maid'. She said while laughing at Y/N who was mopping the floor after Phoebe spilled coffee on the floor. Y/N was wiping, tears gathering in her eyes, and she looked at Anthea sadly. She couldn't stop Anthea from humiliating her. If she did that, her aunt would kick her out of the house. She didn't want to be homeless in the cold, with men harassing her. She's beautiful. Beauty that rivals the gods. This is the reason for Anthea and Pheobe's jealousy and envy.

A few days ago, Y/N was away from home and the fields a little. She was sitting on her knees next to the river washing the clothes, A strange man was watching her from behind the Bushes, Sharp, dark eyes were watching her as if she were prey. Y/N did not notice it, but after a few seconds, a voice spoke behind her. It was a sharp and angry voice.

✢|YOUNG KRATOS: 'you, what are you doing?'. He asked while looking at her. Y/N turned to him and was shocked by this strange man. He was tall and carried weapons. His muscles were sharp and strong.

Y/N looked at him calmly and spoke

✢| YOUNG Y/N: 'doing laundry..'She answered simply, looking at him. Her hands were full of soap. For a few seconds, they were silent, looking after them. They were the opposite of each other. One is rageful, dominate and strong. The other is quiet, calm and submesive.

✢|Y/N: ' are you a god?' She said curiously, looking at him. The idea of speaking face to face with a god was too much for her young mind to understand. Kratos didn't say anything, but nodded, his angry expression not leaving his face.

✢|YOUNG Y/N: ' oh, what a honour!' She said in astonishment and smiled at him. He looked at her smile, it seemed innocent and bright, not like the women he met, full of hatred and vanity, those fake goddesses.

✢|YOUNG KRATOS: ' the honour is mine' he pause and looks at the lake 'it's quiet cold for a woman like you'

She raised her eyebrows, surprised by his cold comment. Cold on me? Why would this God care about me of all people? She had these questions in one second, but remained silent.

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To be continued..

#kratos x reader #god of war ragnarok #Smut #memory lose #Past lovers #Love #long story lol #gow ragnarok #gow 2018 #Gow 4 #Gow Kratos #gow kratos x reader

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lovelost-musings · 4 months

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Why is every kdrama nowadays is like 'I'm single because I have a handsome past lover who loves only me'? I mean I want that too!

#past lovers #life is a meme #memes #kdramafunny #kdrama #moon in the day #my demon #my man is cupid #destined with you

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quotationsworld · 11 months

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I know I'll always think of you with something like hurt and nostalgia — and great deal of love.

— Sylvia Plath, Letters of Sylvia Plath, Volume I: 1940-1956

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bluemistdream · 9 months

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With all these hsr updates and renheng angst, an idea came to mind. What if renheng were past lovers, then everything fell apart and they were no more, but Blade was and still is in love with Dan Heng but Dan Heng has gotten over him and is currently in love with Caelus. Dan Heng has moved forward and Blade....is still Blade with his unrequited love sulking in the corner

#hsr #hsr blade #dan heng #imbibitor lunae #renheng #hsr angst #dancae #past lovers

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automeris-io-moth · 1 year

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Villain and hero and ex lovers, hero’s confused when villain lets them go and doesn’t kill them as hero thought they would, in a battle. As villain is……still in love with them….but literally no one can find that out

Old flames.

“Drop. The. Knife. Hero.” each word spelled out slowly, threatening as they squirmed under Villains gaze “this is the last time I ask it.”

They knew it was to end that way, they’d envisioned it many times, the sight of Villain, the sight of their hands grabbing a gun, a knife, a sword for they had always been quite theatrical, and Hero, themselves, all the wrong side of such.

And it hurt, somehow.

It was clear as water when they pictured it, Villain was a fair opponent, shame didn’t really made an appearance, though betrayal and heartache did sometimes, when thinking about their inevitable defeat, their opponent was respected by everyone, though feared would have been a more fitting of a term, Hero saw their skill at combat and their gift for strategy not as terrifying but as praise-worthy, impressive more than any other thing.

Hero had also pictured the other plausible scenario for the finish line, where they held the gun, the winning fist in battle, when they could give the final order to take the menace causing wreckage in the city and imprison them for eternity, executing them on the spot if they were feeling merciful.

A funny thought indeed, a nice what if to think about if Hero was less selfish, less moved by their feelings and their own interests. Villain was, to their shame and disgrace, an interest of them. Hero would never decide what they knew what Villain wouldn’t doubt a second to do.

And it ached, still, that old flames were enough to stop them from harming Villain, but not to stop their opponent.

Their arm felt about to break.

Hero dropped the knife and the pressure eased.

“There, wasn’t that hard huh,” Villain said, mock in their tone. “there’s no need for that now, your whole team’s down, a pocket knife won’t do you any favours.”

“Then finish it already!.” Hero spat.

“Oh? oh no, of course not,” the other answered “I still have use for you Hero, I trust you’ll cooperate knowing I have your team already being delivered to my quarters.”

Hero swallowed, and, after a moment, they nodded.

Black car, no licence plates.

Such a cliche.

Hero was shoved on the back seat, dumped on the floor, the door thrown shut and locked before they could get themselves upright. Villain entered without hurry, gracefully next to them.

And the engine started.

Both travelled in silence for the first half hour, Hero, in thought, kept their gaze down to the floor, there were breadcrumbs over the car mat.

When the scenery changed, the little they could see through the black-tinted windows, from the bright, crowded city, to more and more greenery, their heart started to hammer.

Villain watched through the eyelashes.

“I have something for you in the boot, when we reach the border you are to take it and leave,” said Villain, interrupting Hero’s thoughts”it has your important documents, some money, a change of clothes and a key to an apartment, the address is written in there.”

The car stopped by the side of the highway.

“Look at me, Hero,” Villain demanded, and, after a minute, Hero did “I don’t want to see you in my city again, next time we cross paths, I won’t be so gracious.”

“You think I won’t come back for my people?”

“I hope you’ll be smart enough not to, for the first to pay your boldness if you do, will be your Sidekick 1, then Sidekick 2, then Teammate and so on until you make the right choice.”

Hero left the car to a freezing nocturnal wind, defeated, ashamed, they opened the boot, grabbing a black duffel bag and hanging it on their shoulder.

Villain walked out as well, leaves crunching under their boots, and when Hero looked up from the car, they stood right before them. “Well, you won, congratulations.”

“You fought poorly, hesitated every move, and at the first scratch you made on me, you froze. You are a danger to yourself and your team when fighting against me, and if you can’t separate your feelings from your job then, perhaps, you’d do better in any other place.”

Something pressed, warm and familiar, against Hero's forehead.

A kiss.

“I wish for you to thrive somewhere else Hero,” Villain stated finally, taking a step away “and I’m sorry things couldn’t be different.”

Hero noded mindlessly.

“Me too.”

“Safe travels, I love you.”

Villain entered the car and closed the door.

“I love you too,” Hero whispered as the car took off.

Masterlist

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Once again I disappeared for a week, sorry, I went up the mountain as a field practice for a class at my university, to a nature reserve five hours from my city and I just returned last night (and I'm very, very tired, it rained on us half the way, a route with the biggest stones one can ever encounter, it was almost midnight and I already felt like I was going to faint, I loved every second) It has been difficult for me to balance the workload of the last weeks of the semester and my love for writing, but I am trying the best I can, the requests are almost finished but I am going to distribute the uploads, one per day I think I hope you like it :) thank you for the request. bye.

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dontblessmefatherforihavesinned · 11 months

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I wish my soul didn’t ache for you like it does.

#I miss you #unreciprocated love #past lovers #please make it go away #make it stop

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nharcissisist · 3 months

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a letter left unsent

16.1.24

i wish i didn’t ride past your house on my way home

your house still unfairly located between point a and point b

via that extra left turn i don’t need to make

just to see the lights off in your apartment

i know it’s the end now because the universe doesn’t find reasons to make us bump into each other

my detour past your house no longer coincides with the 7 minutes you walk down that street to your front door

i wont sit and make it happen

you write me letters every few days

tell me about our cat that you pretend misses me

tell me about the friends that fill your time

mention how i always read your words and never reply

mention how you don’t mind

because i have so much to say to you my love

how i miss you too

how i’m happier now

i still wanna tell you everything that happens to me

but i don’t think you’d like to hear it anyway

i wanna tell you how much i’ve changed

but i won’t

i wouldn’t feel the same.

i realise that it’s less that i miss you and more just that my heart still tries to go home to you sometimes

there are nights i don’t turn left down your street

but the change in momentum still throws me off balance

reaching out to steady myself

my hand still reaches towards yours sometimes

#poetry #original #poem #mine #poet #writing #poets of tumblr #personal #love #i know you read my blog sometimes and i know you think every poem is about you and yes the other one is but this one’s not #heartbreak #past lovers #love poems #love poetry #poems on tumblr #bleeding knees club #free form #love letter

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comatosebunny09 · 7 months

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Figure drawing is surprisingly lively today.

A question hangs in the air. Something about relationships sitting on your classmates’ tongues. You’re in and out of the conversation. Tucked between your peers’ laughter and the gentle croon of new age music spilling from the speaker.

Your fingers are smudged from the soft pastels you chose as your medium today. Stained red like the irises boring holes into your head, stripping you down to the marrow.

You’re warm when you feel them on you again. Warm like the ivory glow of sunbeams pouring into the classroom. You can’t focus. Can’t get your vision transferred onto paper. Too hard to concentrate. Your skin prickles with heat. You can’t help glancing up at him to lay your curiosities to rest.

He doesn’t look away. Shameless as he watches you, seated pretty on a stool in the center of the classroom. Porcelain-skinned and lithe. Knees tucked beneath his chin, arms slack, encircling his legs to keep them together and up on the stool—a little modesty for today’s pose.

His expression is unreadable. Maybe a bit contemplative. And you don’t miss the slight cant of his lips and the crinkle of his eyes when he catches you staring just as long. He waggles his silver, groomed brows. Like what you see, they query. The heat blooms tenfold through your chest as your eyes return to your sketchbook. Like a grade-schooler caught eying their crush.

Your throat thickens. You wipe your hands on your jeans, hoping to dispel your nerves. Hoping to distract yourself from the ethereal beauty watching you like a best-kept secret. Like you are the sun he’s never basked in, and he wishes to savor every moment beneath it.

Truthfully, Astarion makes you nervous. Makes your heart pump over time, and your tongue feel all doughy in your mouth. Causes the hairs littered across your body to stand ramrod stiff, and you breathe a little shallower when he guides you into idle conversation. He’ll throw in a quip or two to break up the monotony of the classroom, but his focus always drifts back to you.

You’re not sure why he’s always had this penchant for you. Why he sets your nerves afire like solar flares exploding beneath your skin. You can never deny you enjoy the attention. While everyone else vies for his recognition, you capture his intrigue so effortlessly, garnering the envy of your peers.

Maybe somewhere in a past life, you meant something to him. Maybe he exalted you. Offered you the sweetest supplications. Held you dear in the circle of his arms with his lips pressed cold yet reassuring against your forehead.

You shake your head, banishing the cacophony your thoughts. Silly you. Past lives and all that. When the hell did you become such a romantic?

You take up your pastel stick anew. Figure you’ll get the line work down before class ends. However, it’s proving rather tricky with the subject of your piece staring you down like that.

#astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion x you #past lovers #soulmate au #astarion drabble #just musing #seriously i’m sorry my writing is all over the place sometimes

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heartbreakjournaler · 6 months

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I kind of think a lot about my past lovers if they think about me obsessively like i do even after going no contact, or if i ever cross their minds.

yeah, i think about that a lot.

#past lovers #ex #heartbreak #lovesick #text #thoughts

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dotokimiko · 2 years

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general! lilia vanrouge x f! reader! reincarnation au! fluff! part 2!

if by chance someone copies my work without permission, immediately report to me.

posted in may 17, 2022

part 1 here

⌇🌷 ♡̷̷ ʹˎ-

you awoken to the feeling of a tender bed before you. slowly blinking your eyes, you feel refreshed but numb. hearing a nudge of items beside you, curiosity hits you.

automatically, you darted your findings to the female nurse assembling fruits at your bedside.

unaware of your current state, you tried shifting your body to sit yet failed miserably when a painful sting hits you in several parts of your body. you clenched your jaw as a reliever.

"do you feel any more pain other than your previous wounds, madam?" the nurse softly pats your stiff pillow and readjusted your neck, avoiding the possiblity of you having a sore and stiff neck. you expressed a weak gratitude to the nurse in return.

"are you famished? please tell me."

silence is what you could provide for the moment, you were in deep thoughts as the nurse patiently awaits at you.

"dear, i feel cold."

"can you hold still, y/n?"

with realization hitting you, you nimbly sat up— potentially ignoring the stinging pain of your healing wounds. bringing your bandaged arms to your point of view, you noticed how wrapped up you look. from arms to legs, wrapped in bandages.

you whipped to the nurse's side as she met your gaze, "do you know where mr. vanrouge specifically is?" you hurriedly question her.

"mr vanrouge is for what i can decipher, is currently fixing the mess from previous war. that is what i may provide, maam." the nurse straightforwardly responded.

"the war ended? when?!" you spoke out worriedly, also what came to you is how long were you out?

"exactly 2 days and 5 hours, madam."

"how was the people?! were they alright!? is the general alright?!" you anxiously nipped the nurse for answers, though the nurse doen't seem bothered and handled her duty professionally. "after you lost consciousness, the general carried out the situation well therefore there is none to worry by now, madam. you should rest easy and have a bite of a meal."

she offered you a fresh bread from the tray laying on your bedside which you gladly took and giddily took a bite. with an eased mind, you munched hungrily as the nurse spoke all of a sudden, "madam, would you by now prefer if we inform general vanrouge about your awakening? or wait for him to visit neither in the afternoon?"

with that, you paused before giving her the look. "lilia visits me every day huh.. that jerk sure is lovable.." you mumbled quietly.

"i'm sorry what was that, madam?"

"oh don't pay that any mind! and oh! water please." you turned the subject around by requesting water as the nurse handed you a glass of pristine clear water, gulping almost whole of it.

you were full and thankful for the peaceful evening.

"what would your choice be, ma'am?" the nice yet persistent nurse blinked at you. "you can inform him now, thank you. i can go on my own now." you told the nurse as she nods in understanding before cleaning your bed table then leaving with your tray on hand.

ahh, peace.

you began to feel sleepy again, you noted. shifting for a new comfortable position, you yawn before drifting back to rest.

"y/n, my love. i'm here."

you crunched your nose in distaste, someone ruined your sweet sleep. too groggy, you open one eye to see your sweet precious lilia combing through your hair before kissing your forehead.

"lilia.. you're here.. you're here..." you softly whispered to him, finally fully awake as you grasp his rough palm before kissing on his knuckles. lilia gave you a relieved smile.

you sat up slowly before pulling him with you in the soft plush bed. he allowed you to as he caged you in his arms with a slow sigh. he then softly squeezed your palm with assurance, if only you know how berserk he might gone for you.

this one's better, a smilling healthy y/n than a y/n that suddenly whispers last words while bruised and battered.

lilia thought as he bit his lip unnoticed by you, "i'm glad you're recovering faster. you're one reckless woman after all." he whispers onto your collarbone as he placed butterfly kisses one by one. the act melted you, feeling better than ever.

"hm, you're getting babied a lot lately, don't you agree?" you teased with one brow raised while faking a judgemental look as he played along and pouted playfully. he looked up at you, flashing his wide magenta eyes you adored very much.

such gorgeous man he is.

"then would you prefer an actual offspring than me?" his question caught you off guard and you froze.

"w-what?! ugh..we can but-but.. argh.. you're getting lamer as time comes." you retorted, obviously dodging the question.

that day, you enjoyed the whole afternoon with him as he took you out for a walk but instead of you walking, he was carrying you as he levitated himself with you. you both soared up high as you let out fits of giggles. lilia showed you the wonders of the aftermath of the war, the people were starting to rebuild and you were glad the war ended with no further stakes to bet.

then when the sun slowly hides from the horizon replacing with the huge moon that witnessed both of your oath to each other, lilia took you back to rest.

before exchanging farewells, he throwed himself to you as you caught him in a hug with a laugh. "come on, it's not like i'm going forever! shoo shoo, you should take a rest also and you have lots to do," you lectured him like a mother does as he grasped tighter at you, clinging tighter with no words uttered to you.

"alright, i love you."

he mutters with low sigh before releasing you, he took your palm and gave one last peck to your wrist as you gave him a head pat using your other hand despite being shorter than him.

"i love you too, take care of yourself and don't stress yourself!" you shouted as he began getting further and further, he waved at you with a grin coincidentally showing his sharp fangs, another trait you were fond of him.

haiya y/n, getting wooed like that.

the next 3 days, it was time for you to leave the suffocating tent you were tend to. you said your gratitude to the kind nurse who tended to your every need and gave her an extra tip for her hard work although she refused multiple times, you managed to force her to take it. with lilia acting as your little guardian in case you were still fragile after your wounds healing, he's here to watch over you.

what a dutiful lover he can be, proud y/n says hi.

with your lover grasping one hand on your waist and one on your forearm, he assists you skillfully.

"ready for another adventure, my love?"

note: alright, so this isn't the end yet. there's part 3 because i had more ideas for this story. there's no angst for today's post. see you guys next time! bye.

- dotokimiko

#Spotify #twisted wonderland au x reader #lilia vanrouge #x reader #twisted wonderland #general #angst #fluff #past lovers #part 2 #etc.

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