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#past because they led you to where you are today' or something along those lines idk it's meant to be motivational or something I GUESS
askanaroace · 1 year
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Ask An Aro Ace ASAW Day 2: Being a Non-Favorable Aromantic
Today is another day where I kinda talk about something that's treated as different within and without the community. Today I want to talk about being romance-indifferent or romance-averse or romance-repulsed.
A quick primer for those who might need:
Romance-favorable: generally likes and is open to romance.
Romance-indifferent: generally unbothered by and doesn't think about romance. Doesn't really want it but isn't strongly turned away from it.
Romance-averse: generally uninterested in romance but not especially upset or uncomfortable with it.
Romance-repulsed: generally experiencing discomfort and upset surrounding romance.
This may be in the realm of romantic content to personal outlook on romance and the desire or lack thereof to be in a romantic relationship. And not everyone has to use these or may even feel the scale is useful to them, for example because someone might be favorable to romantic media but repulsed by the idea of personally participating in romance or their feelings may fluctuate over time and be different at different times.
I would say I fall along the lines of being romance-indifferent. In the past, I have been touch-repulsed and sex-repulsed (and now probably lay somewhere along indifferent to averse), so I have general experience with how intense and upsetting repulsion can be and how it can impact your life, though I can't speak specifically to romance-repulsion.
What I want to talk about is the extremely different perspective that comes out about romance depending on if you're looking at things from within or without the community.
When your general allo hears about aromanticism, they are most likely to assume someone completely uninterested in romance and potentially even repulsed by it. You may get gross comments about being picky or immature or afraid of commitment and have it said or implied that the "right person" will "fix" you (as if romance-favorable aros aren't still aro!). Dehumanization is especially common with aros with claims of "love is what makes us human".
But within the community, this treatment by allos has led to a sense of shame surrounding aversion and repulsion, as well as aplatonicism, heartlessness, and lovelessness. There is a tendency to try and defend aros from such judgements by using amatonormative claims like "aros can still want to date!" and "aros can love in other ways!" which leaves out aros for whom these statements aren't true and sets up the prospect that the only acceptable way to be aromantic is to be romance-favorable and partnering (whether that be a romantic or queerplatonic or platonic partnership).
I know very well that romance-favorable aros face their own struggles and often feel invalid and fake due to their favorability. That's a real and valid feeling and struggle. But truth is that I see a lot of validation, positivity, and encouragement for favorability.
And if you run in the right circles, you'll see that same energy given towards indifference, aversion, and repulsion. But overall, it can be very difficult to talk about being repulsed in particular. People treat you like your discomfort is difficult to accommodate, like your feelings are a burden to them. And it's an especially terrible burden for a repulsed person to have to carry because we're the ones dealing with literal repulsion over these subjects. Accommodating us takes a little conscious, thought yes, but when I was repulsed, that could manifest as:
Being unable to stomach watching certain shows/movies
Getting very easily embarrassed and flustered and uncomfortable with such material
An actual, physical sensation of freezing up and my body shutting down
Dissociation
Involuntary flinching
Anxiety and fear over having to face certain situations
People can also experience things like nausea, dysphoria, depression, etc.
I get that accommodating us does take some mindfulness and effort, but I promise that it is easier on you than it is on the repulsed person to go through the above.
And acceptance for this definitely has improved over time. But making room for non-favorable folk means more than us being an after-thought. It means including these experiences in your definition of aromanticism. It means updating your content warnings. It means changing the way we defend our identity.
Humans are defined based off of general biology and society building defined by traits like bipedalism, language, tool-making, foresight, and opposable thumbs. Nothing at all to do with love, which is something we can observe throughout the animal kingdom. All aros are humans because that's the scientific classification we're born into. You don't need love to be compassionate or kind towards other people. Every living creature is worthy of basic respect. Aromanticism doesn't harm people (anti-aro bias and amatonormativity do). Whatever our feelings, those deserve to be respected and considered.
By breaking down these barriers and stereotypes, we help everyone. Because there's a lot of different ways to feel and live, and we deserve to get to explore those options.
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stefanyd · 2 years
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So i was having a lovely conversation with @rythyme about the current rapid evolution of the BL industry, specially in Thailand - looking at the impact KinnPorsche is having, everywhere, at the moment - and it led us to a path where i was able to articulate something i’ve been thinking about or a while in regards to BL as a genre and how it relates to (and is) LGBTQ+ media.
BL might have its roots as a genre made for fangirls as fanservice, but the reality of it is, it is ALSO queer media and as the world at large embraces LGBTQ+ identities(i use the term embrace loosely here, we are all aware of the hurdles we face still), the lines have blurred into what people consider just BL - as fangirl fanservice - and LGBTQ+ content.
That does not mean that there isn't just fanservice for the sake of it out there, not every piece of media has to be nuanced and whatnot (we all like chicken nuggets every once in a while people, don’t lie, five course meals are not always where its at), but it does mean that there is more media that lands in the blended space. I believe BL media is and should be qualified under LGBTQ+ media. Bad buddy is a great example. It is 100 percent a BL, ticks all the boxes, but it is also 100 percent a coming of age, nuanced love story between two boys that tugs at your heartstrings and makes you want to go through the joy and anxieties of falling in love. That has a lot to do with the Director of the show, P’Aof, a very talented director, and an out gay man. Watching his reaction/review videos to the show, along with his peers who are also queer men, specially for the final episode, has been one of the best experiences of my life. It was hard to put into words, but hearing what these older queer/gay men had to say about this show, their lives, their experiences, the differences between their youth and today. It was mind blowing, specially because they are from a whole different culture than mine, and as my older sister who is in their age range said: “you’re watching/learning queer history.” It was both touching and a great learning experience.
BL is a genre that can be multiple things at once (like any other), but what lends itself to the blending I mentioned before is that we are not only seeing the industry as a whole growing with its fanbase, but also the fact that more LGBTQ+ voices are getting involved in the making and distribution of it.
Rythyme made a point in our conversation, “BL as a genre despite its shortcomings has always been, at its core, both queer and transgressive and it's hard to draw those lines between what's made for the ‘BL fangirl’ vs the ‘queer person’ bc those boundaries are super blurred” And i agree with that statement, because many of those BL fangirls the genre was aimed at turned out to be queer people later in life. They mentioned listening to a talk by an older Japanese lesbian who was an OG BL fan from the start of it all, and who discussed how BL helped her discover her own queerness, which was a lightbulb moment for Rythyme as they listened to it.
And that’s the thing. BL culture in the east, and slash culture in the west, they both started labeled as “fanservice for the fangirls”, and their similarities don’t end there, they are both movements that have led a lot of queer people in a journey of self-discovery. My sister @teland has almost 15 years+ on me, and as she put it:
I can't count the number of queer people of all genders and ages and everything else who I've spoken to over the past 20-odd years about slash, bl, and other intersections of queerness, fantasy, and *hope* who have said to me:
"This is where I found myself." "This is how I learned who I was." "This is how I wrote myself into my own body." "This is how I learned how to draw the boundaries of my self." And so on, and so forth.
There is nothing more queer than taking identity/self/sexuality/gender and remaking it in our own images for the sake of learning ourselves.
So yeah. i am in no way making light of, or ignoring, the fact that the fetishizing that has gone on since its inception isn't a thing (i am not a gay man, i can't speak for their struggles or issues with said fetishizing), but i feel it disingenuous to deny the fact that it, and the people it was/is aimed for have evolved.
There's surely someone out there better qualified, and with more energy than me, to address the other, more problematic side of this whole thing, where it lacks and where it fails, and I wish them all the luck. I'm genuinely just. So happy to see the growth and evolution of it as a whole. It brings me untold joy, and when there are just so many things in the world that aim to take the joy away from our lives, I want to embrace all the things that give it to me.
Now give me more GL stuff lol.
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clos-posts · 1 year
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Hiya 👋👋 hope y'all had a good Christmas and wishing you all a happy New Year in advance 🥳.
I know it should be a happy time of year and I'm debating even posting this, but I know if I don't get this off my chest, I'm just gonna stew and get even more upset about it. At this point you don't have to keep reading.
So, a little back story, my younger brother (17) is a narcissist and is emotionally abusive to everyone in the house. His room contains the boiler in the house, and for the past couple of days it's been making a high pitch beeping noise. However he will not let anyone in his room, to have a look at it.. including the professionals. But will then proceed to blame everyone, especially his father (I day 'his' since we have different bio dad's) for not being able to sort the boiler.
He will not let anyone in his room without his permission, which leads to my issue. The family were around today (Grandma, auntie and her kids) and the issues of the boiler was brought up when our mum noticed that the heating wasn't turning on, which led to mum then mentioning that he will not let us in the room. This is when Grandma pipes up and says "it's not his decision nor choice, it's not his house and if you need to get to the boiler then you need to get to the boiler" or something along those lines, I can't remember word for word.
Both the Grandma and auntie both kept going on around the same topic, 'he shouldn't get a say in it', ' it's not his house', 'just go in his room'... This went on for a while, at which point I spoke up and mentioned that it's all good a well saying it, and actually doing it, but at the end of the day they do not have to live in the same house as him, they can leave, we can not.
Of we did what they suggested and told him he doesn't have a say in it, or just walk into his room, we would then have to deal, the next couple of days, screaming and shouting, gaslighting, manipulation, emotional and physical abuse and hysterical behavior. All things they don't get to experience, but we would. They always give a disapproving look and comment about "letting him do it". At this point we are exhausted and don't want the fight.
And I told them this, I said "It's all good and well saying that, but you don't have to deal with the consequences. You don't have to live with him" and for some reason they got mad with me..they shouted at me... Which for one, wtf. And two don't take it out on me. I know it's transferred anger from the situation, but it doesn't make it better. The last straw was when mum got mad at me because I said gold was squishy.
I just gave up. I haven't spoken since, hence this post. I have nowhere else where I can rant and vent about this without feeling guilty and also without being interrupted and made to feel like it doesn't matter. I honestly want nothing more to do with the boy, but I just keep getting dragged kicking and screaming back and I hate it.
I've also had the "you don't even live here, get out you stupid bitch" which is said each and every since time I come home from uni.
What I hate about this whole situation. Nothing has changed! No one is doing anything. They all say shit but do nothing about it, and when I've tried in the past I've been shut down and ignored.
Can anyone relate to this? I know logically there are others that can relate, but, I don't know, I'm kinda feeling alone and lost right now.
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Let's add a little good to this post and all look at this beautiful boy. His name is Loki (and yes he does live up to his name) and he's about 4 years old.
xxx 🤎 xxx
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🔭✨
#omg so I drank nearly 1L of iced caramel coffee today and my body has been shaking all day#and it was delicious and worth it but now I can't sleep UWGHWHS I can hear birds it's (looks at clock) 6AM!?!?!?#anyway I wanted to hop on here and recall something nice that happened to me recently#by recently I could mean a couple of weeks or a month honestly my perception of time is just not good#side note these birds are reALLY LOUD TODAY#anyway even though I 100% believe in fate I always hated when people would say 'be grateful for all the bad things that happened in your#past because they led you to where you are today' or something along those lines idk it's meant to be motivational or something I GUESS?#well as someone who was traumatised from a really young age I would almost physically recoil when I would hear/read something like that#because I could have gone my whole life without being traumatised y'know!! It's not like it made me a better person??#that and like I always felt that if anything I'd be a BETTER version of myself y'know??#so anyway the other day (or month or something idk) I had just finished praying and the sun was setting#and my cat was sitting on my windowsill observing me and I'm smiling just from picturing the scene again#I looked over at her and without even thinking I thought#'if all the bad things that happened in life are what led me to this exact moment then I'm glad for it'#it wasn't anything particularly special but I just felt so at peace in that one moment??? and as soon as I thought that I couldn't believe#myself! And I really meant it too!!#like who---? ME??#anyway all I do is come on here and post sad stuff so I thought this post would be a nice reminder/change for myself!!#even though the weeks following that were ... ROUGH LOL my mindset has noticeably changed for the better recently I feel#personal#also it's officially Ramadan! You guys have NO idea how excited I am#to basically press the hard reset button on my brain this month#it's always always the best time of the year!! ✨#also I feel like I've had enough coffee for a month MY BODY IS STILL SHAKING LOL??#I...hope that I can concentrate on my coursework tomorrow :') or later today? aaa goodnight#MY PHONE'S NIGHTMODE JUST AUTOMATICALLY SWITCHED OFF SJHAHJSBBKS
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sunshinemunchkin · 2 years
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The Couch & The Blanket
pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader
summary: in an attempt to get aaron to relax, you try something that you know works like a charm.
warnings: none just fluff
word count: 1.1k
a/n: just something small for you guys, everyone was posting today so i decided to jump on the bandwagon. this isn’t proofread so sorry if parts of it don’t make sense or don’t flow. thank you kels and jordyn for helping me search for this gif. oh! and also thank you for 400 followers :,)
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gif by hotchafterhours
one thing you knew about hotch was that he stressed himself out more often than not. his brows always furrowed and his lips in a thin line on his face. his dimple hardly popped out like you adored at work, and his arms were tense and crossed.
another thing you knew was the trick to get the man to release all those worries for at least a couple minutes. and with a knock on the wooden door of his office, you stepped into his space and were greeted with a tired smile from your man.
"hey." hotch said, placing down his ballpoint pen on the desk, his focus only on you in that moment. he stood and met you halfway across the room, your hands taking his in yours and squeezing lightly.
you trailed your hands up to cup his face, the bags under his eyes deep and dark, his hair messy, and skin pale from hardly seeing the sun these past few days. neither of you said a word, there not being much to say in the first place, just enjoying the other's company and aaron sinking into your touch.
his hold that he had on your waist was enough to drive you insane. aaron's palm hot and gentle, his thumb rubbing circles on your skin, over the material of the button down you were sporting. he leaned down to rest his forehead against yours, a soft smile making its way onto both yours and his face.
eventually, you pulled back after placing your lips against his head, your fingers meeting the nape of his neck. "you're stressed." aaron only hummed, his lips meeting the crook of your neck and peppering sweet kisses there. you tug on his hair gently, getting him to pull away from the comfort your skin brought him.
in his eyes, you saw tiredness. pain and tiredness and your heart cracked for the man in front of you. you wanted to turn the earth on its axis to make it all go away but you knew that was impossible. it's in a hotchner to take on the burden himself- themselves, as you see in jack when problems arise at school.
"wanna talk about it?" you knew he would say no, not wanting to bother you because before you even finished the sentence, he was shaking his head. so you didn't pry, as much as you deeply wanted to. instead, you smiled and pressed a kiss into his lips, sighing against him as you felt his entire frame relax along with you.
as you run your thumb over his stubbly cheek, his honey eyes locked onto your soul. “okay. can i try something?” hesitant but trusting, aaron laid his life in your hands the second you entered the team. you didn’t even need to ask because wherever you led him, he would follow obediently like you were simply tugging on his chain.
shutting the door, you led him over to the couch that was against the wall of his office. him sitting back on it with his long legs, the two of you kicking off your shoes and getting comfortable against the other. your hand never left aaron’s his strong fingers wrapping around yours as you sat in each other’s presence.
you reached over to where he kept a small pile of pillows and a blanket for whoever crossed paths with his couch. from the late nights in his office when he needed just an hour of sleep after staring at case files galore. to when he couldn’t manage to get a sitter and had to have jack come to the office after school, leaving the boy to fall asleep on the leather cushions. this couch had seen it all.
your late nights on this same couch while you waited for aaron to finish up the paperwork that he swore needed to get done. you coaxing him over to take a power nap, claiming that, ‘it’s gonna be there in half an hour, aaron’. anything to get him to rest.
you pushed a pillow behind your neck, patting your lap with a smile reserved especially for the man. “c’mere.” aaron may have rolled his eyes but he laid his head down nonetheless. finding solace and peace in your lap. your fingers found their way into his soft, albeit short, brown hair. but you still managed to have a firm grip on it.
carding your fingers through his feathery hair, you admired how his eyes fluttered. his lashes laying across the tops of his cheekbones. every time you did this motion, whether at home or alone in a conference room, it relaxed his muscles, eased his worries, and soothed his tough demeanor. turning him into absolute putty in your arms. aaron was breathtaking lying in your lap, his fingers playing with a string on the blanket you had lain over him.
the old weathered thing warmed his bones and his heart at how much love was woven within the stitches. how much love you had for him that you would take the time to do this. to make him lie down and relax. how you knew exactly how to get him to cave and submit to your touch.
between strokes, he breathed heavily, satisfied with how your nails scratched against his scalp. with a slow start, you began humming, an action you did with jack or whoever’s kid you were watching in your free time because that’s how big your heart was. it reminded him of his mother. how whenever he was sick, or stressed with school, at whatever age he was, he knew he could count on his mother to hold him close and hum his worries away.
though it wasn’t the same, as no one can ever replace your mother, it was close enough to home. aaron could feel the love and adoration that poured from you and onto him. the song you were humming wasn’t any one song, but rather a mixture of the ones that you two listened together in either one of your kitchens. dancing while you baked or cooked together, enjoying a slow cup of coffee while the soft songs played in the background.
aaron’s breathing evened out and you assumed he had fallen asleep. but when he spoke up, soft and slightly muffled against your thigh, you stopped your motion of getting comfortable. “thank you.” it was quiet and the paired kiss that was placed to the material of your slacks was slight.
you smiled, your fingers never slowing their run through his hair. aaron smiled against you once more before relaxing fully, his arms wrapping around himself as he sunk into what felt like heaven. “you’re welcome, my love.” and with that, the two of you slept away your fears and aches.
with every horror that the world threw at you two, you knew you were safe whenever and wherever you were, so long as aaron was right there with you.
you two fell asleep against each other, crammed and squished on the small couch that was really only fit for one person, but somehow you made it work, just like everything else. and while the position was highly uncomfortable, and often you both ended up with soreness in weird and uncommon places, you wouldn’t trade it for the world.
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todoscript · 3 years
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how he would ask you out
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request: pls some headcanons of how the boys (shinsou/tamaki/shouto) would ask the girl they like out 🥺
characters: shinsou hitoshi, amajiki tamaki, todoroki shouto
genre: fluff
word count: 3.3k+ total, 900-1200 per character
tags: pining, confessions, fem!reader
author’s notes: sorry if this sounds rushed?? i can’t write 
copyright 2021 todoscript, all rights reserved. i do not allow my creations to be published or translated anywhere else.
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SHINSOU HITOSHI
two years after his enrollment into the hero course, shinsou had finally came to terms with the feelings he’s been holding for you for quite some time now.
what began as just friendly encounters and kind gestures felt like something more to him. after all, you were one of the key people that led him to transition smoothly into the class, with your helpful demeanor and coming to his aid whenever he was stressed and troubled by the new environment.
you went out of your way to organize study sessions and small arrangements to mingle and get to know the other students better.
you reiterated to him that if he ever had any questions about anything, he could always come to you.
initially, shinsou thought he was being a burden—that he was just heavy baggage that tied you down.
however, you assured he was anything but, and stated that you were more than happy to help him, even going to say you enjoyed spending time and getting to learn more about him.
at your response, shinsou was appalled at how genuine you were.
appalled… but also very grateful.
eventually, there came a point when he realized there was no mistaking the affection he felt for you—not when he subconsciously noted every one of your habits and intricacies, able to tell whatever emotions were running through you at a simple glance, or when he would stop to admire the way you decided to style your hair differently or changed your look, thinking you seemed even more charming that day by the confidence you exude.
no, at that point, he’s sure it was painfully obvious. so obvious, in fact, that kaminari and mina had chosen to skip today’s group study session in favor of letting the two of you have your “alone time”. whatever that could mean.
shinsou had grimaced over their excuse of “being too busy that day” when you had told him the reasoning they gave you over text, despite knowing their next exam was only a couple days away. recalling just how nosy and enthusiastic they could get when involved in these kinds of affairs, he had an inkling of what exactly those two were planning. you, on the other hand, seemed completely oblivious to their schemes.
however, what did latch onto your mind was the thought of spending the day with only shinsou, in his very room, sitting across from each other with your textbooks open in front of you. though you should be more attentive to your studies, you couldn’t help the palpitations beating loudly in your chest and your wandering eyes that snuck glances at him after every question you answered.
unbeknownst to you, shinsou mirrored your actions all the same, reciprocating the flustered behavior, albeit a bit more subtly.
keep calm, hitoshi. why are you getting all worked up? he would say to himself, putting on his usual facade.
although he came off as relatively calm and collected on the outside, it’s difficult to keep his emotions in check when actions never lie.
that was especially true as he reached his hand out for the eraser you two were sharing between each other. with his eyes continuing to gander down at his notes, he hadn’t noticed that you were lunging for the same thing—not until your fingers had suddenly touched and you both pulled away at a speed equivalent to making contact with fire.
his stare unfaltering, shinsou was surprised to discern the embarrassed look on your face that immediately fixed itself as you rummaged through your pencil pouch. a second later, you pulled out another eraser, one that was notably smaller than the one you were sharing.
“um.. i’ll just use this,” you offered, and shinsou rubbed the back of his neck, the whole situation more awkward than it needed to be considering you never had any trouble sharing your supplies with each other before.
through some examination of your demeanor, shinsou had made a… bold enough claim, thinking that maybe—just maybe—you held the same kind of affections for him as he did for you.
it’s like he recalled earlier—actions never lie—and shinsou didn’t let the quiver of your lips or the intense concentration at your work to avoid meeting his gaze go past his head. that’s what spurred him to finally act on his desires.
without warning, he leaned forward on his seat to lay his hand over yours that caught your attention. you met his eyes, astonished to say the least, but more so concerned by how your eyes widened before you were about to open your mouth to ask him what was wrong.
the violet-haired male beats you to your words, voice resonating firmly, “y/n.”
you blinked. “y-yeah..?”
“i know this might be a bit late coming from me, but,” you could feel his hand tighten atop yours, “after exams, do you want to catch a movie together? just the two of us?”
shinsou fought the urge to look away, bashful at how he made his declaration for your time. the warmth surging under his skin was alleviated at the smile that slowly curled on your lips as you rotate your wrist, your palm touching his. the expression washing over your features told him you’ve been waiting for him to ask you this for a while now.
“i’d love to.”
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AMAJIKI TAMAKI
ever a shy and introverted individual, tamaki has never had the heart to ask you out despite years of harboring a crush on you.
every time the thought had crossed his mind, he’d reason poorly with himself that you wouldn’t be interested in him in that way.
it didn’t help that his low self-esteem only deepened that thought that had now rooted itself in his brain.
at such a prestigious school like u.a., you were bound to find someone far more compelling than him—someone with guts, confidence, and great social skills. not a guy like him who conjures the image of potatoes at every anxiety-inducing encounter he comes across.
he was relieved enough to settle himself comfortably as just your friend—a title that allowed him to stay close and keep within your circle, all the while subjecting him to simply admiring you from afar.
but his eyes that held a hidden longing for more weren’t overlooked by a fellow student of his. or to be precise, the ever curious and free-spirited, hadou nejire.
always aware of his surroundings, it was hard not to notice that peculiar stare she’d aim at him during moments where he might’ve just finished speaking to you, or when you’d pass by and his head would naturally drift in your direction.
it was like she was picking apart every detail laid on him and it made tamaki absolutely restless.
tamaki’s suspicions and anxiety were later raised during one instance at the lunch table. he was at his usual seat next to his other big three companions, mirio and the aforementioned nejire, who was eyeing him with a gleam in her eye.
even with his self-consciousness, tamaki did his best not to pay any mind to the undesired attention and munched on his plate of takoyaki—the octopus nestled in the batter sure to come in handy later in training that day.
to his dismay, you passed by their table with your tray of food in hand, and nejire did not waste any time calling you over in that cheery tone of hers.
she invited you to sit down with them. you gave her invitation some thought before ultimately placing yourself in the free spot next to mirio, with nejire and tamaki already seated across from you.
the girl was all smiles and hums while tamaki was in a state of distress, both at his friend’s odd behavior, which was starting to spell trouble, to having you pulled into all of this. mirio was just being mirio, welcoming as always.
you greeted everyone at the table, making eye contact with mirio and nejire, but tamaki evaded your line of sight. he simply waved his reply without breaking away from his balls of takoyaki.
luckily for him, you didn’t give his lack of words much thought and started digging into your own lunch. it was then that nejire found it appropriate to start up a conversation.
“y’know, y/n, i’ve been meaning to ask you this, from one girl to another,” she mused, finger waving around playfully, “are you interested in anyone here?”
upon hearing her question, tamaki almost choked on his bonito flakes, his cheeks puffed and eyes blown. meanwhile, your chewing slowed as you gave your answer some thought.
“uh… well–”
“i’d say fujita from class d is quite the looker! think you’d be interested in them?”
after swallowing the food in his mouth, tamaki began to subconsciously listen in on the conversation. he paid close attention to your responses with bated breath, a small part of him anticipating your answer highly.
“fujita’s nice and all, but i don’t think we’d really get along as a couple.”
tamaki mentally sighed, relief evident all over his face. it was then that mirio had started fitting the pieces together after watching his close friend’s brow wrinkle throughout the entire exchange before finally relaxing at your words. crossing his eyes with nejire’s only confirmed his suspicions as the girl sent him a wink.
as a friend, mirio wasn’t about to let nejire’s operations fall flat. getting up from his seat, he motioned tamaki to come with him.
“i heard they have extra yakisoba bread right now! we should go check it out!” he said as a guise to give the other two time to themselves, free from tamaki’s prying ears.
unaware that mirio had caught on so quickly, tamaki didn’t object to tagging along with him. mostly because he thought of this as an opportunity to get some fresh air and calm his racing heart, finally feeling the effects of the blood rushing to his face.
with tamaki supposedly out of earshot, nejire was free to go about her questions however she wanted.
“okay then, if not fujita, then who? there has to be someone, right?” the girl scooted further in her seat out of pure curiosity. “tell me, is it perhaps someone in our class?”
it was your turn to be stricken by her boldness. you tried picking at your food, stuffing it into your mouth to avoid answering, but nejire’s tenacity outmatched you.
finishing your lunch, you opened your mouth to speak, “actually, the person i’m interested in is pretty close to you…”
nejire feigned ignorance, innocently placing a finger under her chin. “who? mirio?”
“ah no, it’s tamaki, alright?!” you ended up blurting, voice hushed but frantic.
bingo. hearing exactly what she wanted, nejire returned to her original position, a triumphant grin plastered on her lips. replaying what you said out loud in your head, you buried your warm face in your hands.
unbeknownst to you, tamaki had ended up hearing the whole exchange around the corner coming back to their table as mirio lightly snickered at his revelation of an expression.
the blond patted his shoulder. “go on then, you know what to do.” he threw tamaki an encouraging thumbs-up.
the boy gulped in response before inhaling a deep breath of air to prepare himself for what would arguably be the most important yet stress-inducing moment of his life so far.
noticing you getting up to discard your tray, tamaki—through a final push from mirio—went to make his move.
hearing him suddenly call out to you, you were caught off-guard. after admitting to your crush on tamaki to nejire, you felt your cheeks get hot just seeing his face right afterward.
“oh hey, did you get your hands on those yakisoba breads?” you scraped up a way to start the conversation.
“right... that… mirio managed to get the last one in the cafeteria,” he answered. then he brought his hand to rub his elbow, fidgeting in his spot as he found it difficult to look you in the eyes again.
“tamaki? something wrong? are you upset that he got the last yakisoba bread?”
he shook his head. “no, i… it’s just… i’ve been meaning to ask you this for a long time now, but never had the courage to say it to you because i didn’t think you ever liked me that way. but…” he finally mustered the determination to face you head-on. “would you go out with me, y/n?”
at first, you were speechless—absent of words as you relayed his request in your mind over and over again. then, your eyes softened, lips easing into a smile as you reached out for his hand.
“i thought you’d never ask.”
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TODOROKI SHOUTO
it’s no surprise to many that when it came to asking someone out, todoroki didn’t exactly know the first thing to do.
mostly because he’s never asked anyone out to begin with.
you were the first person he’s ever felt these kinds of emotions for, and to be frank, he wasn’t sure what to make of everything that had been going through him when that root of infatuation had started to bloom inside him.
rather than sulk or contemplate on his thoughts for too long, he surmised it was best to simply come clean and ask for advice.
but when he confessed to what had been on his mind lately, he wasn’t expecting such a vigorous response from his friends.
“i’ve been thinking about asking y/n out.”
there was a layer of uncomfortable silence amongst the group before all hell eventually broke loose.
midoriya, uraraka, and iida immediately sprung from their seats in the common room, yelling “what?!” in unison. tsuyu and her frog-like mannerisms were more idle, but still surprised nonetheless.
todoroki was unfazed by their reactions, actually expecting it to go that way considering he’s never brought up any topics of that nature before. at the very least, he’s thankful he decided to say this when it was just the five of them. compared to what the whole class’s reaction would have been like, this was incredibly tame.
todoroki was used to always listening to what others had to say and never being the subject of the conversation when it came to dating.
but now things were different. he was openly admitting to them that he was regarding someone romantically. that he possibly sought a relationship with this someone—wanting to be committed to them and become the very best person he could be right next to them. to the four, this was coming completely out of left field.
after everyone simmered down and let the news sink in, the dual-haired boy resumed his thought,
“but i’m not sure how to do it.”
though the entirety of the group never had any experiences when it came to dating, they knew enough from media and pop culture to get an idea on how to help him. more than todoroki could imagine on his own anyway.
“i know! how about we go with the romantic and suave approach!” uraraka suggested. the rest asked her to elaborate.
“it’s simple! it starts by you leaving a note on her desk right before class, saying to meet you on the rooftop of the school! before the designated time, you should wait there for her with a bouquet of flowers, and then when she arrives, confess your feelings and ask her out!”
midoriya rubbed a finger against his cheek, skeptical. “i don’t think that sounds as simple as you’re making it out to be.”
tsuyu chimed in beside him. “those kinds of ideas usually only work well in books, ochako.”
pursing her lips, uraraka gave her plan a once-over, and realized it did seem a bit more involved and out of character than what todoroki was used to.
despite sharing a few more ideas with one another, they couldn’t narrow it down to any perfect one.
that was when iida clapped his hand, bringing everyone’s attention to him.
“alright, i think we’re starting to blow this whole ‘operation’ way out of proportion,” he said.
“if you’re honest about the way you feel about her and show it sincerely, i’m sure she’ll consider your feelings. you don’t have to do anything extravagant when it comes to asking someone out.”
listening throughout every word, todoroki nodded. meanwhile the other three were astonished that their class representative could be so whimsical when it came to romance, which in turn, iida was conflicted by. however, at the very least he was glad they could help out a friend. and so, todoroki went about his day with their discussion in mind.
he found that in many occurrences, whenever he crossed by you and thought of it as a chance to ask you out, there would always be someone to come in and take your time away. leaving him to stand there awkwardly before dismissing the fated question for later.
eventually, the sky dimmed and evening arrived, and by then, the whole class was already back at their dormitory and about to have dinner.
through some rather convenient circumstances, you two were actually assigned on kitchen duty that night.
“it’s been getting pretty cold lately so i was thinking we should cook up a hot pot for everyone.” you gave your idea to him as you pulled out some ingredients from the fridge, waiting for his reply, but it came a few seconds later than you were expecting.
“right. sounds like a good idea,” todoroki answered a tad late. upon realizing it was only going to be the two of you making dinner tonight, his mind was occupied by what he and his friends spoke about earlier.
that was when he started overthinking the situation and absentmindedly half-assed his work.
“todoroki, the cut on the tofu is slightly uneven.” you reviewed his cutting board. looking down, he saw the inconsistent slices of tofu limp in front of him. if bakugou were the executive chef for the evening, he would’ve had to hear an earful from him.
“sorry…” he apologized quietly, reaching out for another cube of tofu to cut.
“is everything okay? i know you’re still learning how to cook, but i’ve seen you show some significant improvement on your knife skills recently.” you voiced your concern for him.
the white and red-haired boy stared at the white bean curd while hearing your worried tone and couldn’t find it within himself to continue the task. it was now or never he thought. he laid the knife flat on the cutting board.
“actually, i wanted to ask you something.” he turned toward you. “do you… want to go out with me?”
nothing but the sound of the fire running on the stove could be heard in the kitchen. todoroki didn’t move his eyes away from you, watching you nearly drop the plate of siu choy and shiitake mushrooms out of shock as your mouth was hanging open.
when you caught onto your bearings, you let out a small laugh. “oh… i… wasn’t expecting that,” you admitted honestly, placing the ingredients on the counter safely.
the boy furrowed his brows. “is that a no?”
“n-no! i mean that isn’t my answer! i–” you fumbled with your words, cheeks warming up now that his confession had finally sunk in. in the meantime, todoroki found your reaction quite amusing. the corner of his lip quirked into a grin.
“what i mean to say is that yes, i’d love to go out with you.” you accepted the offer wholeheartedly. todoroki would be lying if his heart wasn’t throbbing from anticipation. he’s glad he’s able to rest and put that aside.
“now let’s continue making this hot pot together!” you cheered, smiling widely and he found comfort in your words before resuming slicing the tofu.
2K notes · View notes
akimind · 3 years
Text
have, do, will.
a/n: i love oikawa so, so much. happy birthday, you mf king *sobs*
content: angst | memory loss, car accident
word count: 14.2k+
[ oikawa x reader, iwaizumi x reader ]
–––––
Please be okay. Please be okay. God, please, please, please be okay.
You ran through the hospital department after being directed by the receptionist at the nurse’s station. Everything was blurry in your peripheral vision. Everything was white and made of steel and smelled like antiseptic alcohol; your nose was burning from it. Your heart was burning from the blood pumping through your body on an adrenaline high. Your lungs were burning as you tried to find the air to breathe.
At the end of a hall, you came to a panting stop, face-to-face with a looming closed door. Your breath caught in your throat and you steadied yourself to press one hand to your chest and the other on the handle as you slowly, nervously, stepped into the room.
He was laying somewhat upright in bed, eyes closed and with a wound dressing around his head. Some of his brown waves of hair were sticking out around his ears, and you briefly wondered how they still looked so soft. His chest rose and fell with even, steady breaths and there was no sound in the room except for the beeping of the heart monitor.
“Tooru....” You quietly dragged the single chair in the room next to his bedside, trying not to let your face fall anymore than it already was as you shakily reached for his hand with both of yours. You encased him in your grip, almost afraid you were squeezing too hard, and intertwined your fingers with his. You brought the back of his hand up to your lips and pressed a kiss to it, keeping it held to your cheek as you slowly rocked back and forth and ignored the tears that dripped down your face.
“I’m here, Tooru. I’m here. Please don’t give up. Please don’t leave me.” You bent your head and felt your shoulders tremble as silent sobs wracked your body, and you clung onto his hand with as much force as your tired body could muster up, crying yourself to sleep next to him with your cheeks still freshly stained with tears.
A few hours later, you woke up with a sore back, slumped over in your chair and still holding onto Oikawa’s hand. You immediately lifted your head from the side of his bed and looked up only to see him staring back at you.
Your heart thumped. “T-Tooru?” you said hesitantly.
His eyes. The first thing you noticed were his eyes. You always loved his eyes. They were your favorite part about his pretty little face, always staring at you like he was either ready to pull some mischief that would always end with him groveling for forgiveness cuddles or like he wanted to delve straight into your very being from the inside out. No matter the reason he had for staring at you, he was always doing it with love. He never made you doubt that. Not even once.
Because of that, you were a little taken aback by the lack of love now as he looked at you. Not stared — looked. His eyes, so full of passion in the familiar way you knew them, held only blankness now.
Emptiness.
“Tooru?” you repeated, a little more shakily. Something in the air sent goosebumps running up and down your skin without the warm heart flutters that accompanied them whenever he often flustered you. You didn’t like how that part was missing. You felt lonely, cold without it. Almost like you were without him.
He frowned a little. Even with a frown, with that crease between his brows and the upset lines on the edges of his lips, you thought he was so much more than handsome. Oikawa was always beautiful to you. His eyes were beautiful, his lips were beautiful, his fingers were beautiful right there in your palms, and his voice was beautiful as it rasped like a long-missed melody you’d been wishing to hear for thousands and thousands of ages before you even knew the tune it sang.
“Do I know you?”
...As the saying went, beauty is pain.
–––––––
“From what we see in the scans, certain parts of his limbic cortex have significant swelling, while others have been compressed. Fortunately, the compression is mild and we’ve been able to reestablish some of that oxygen delivery; it should improve more with time and rest.”
Your eyes bored into the blank space of the scan images and the resident’s words flowed right through your ears. It took a moment of silence before you registered that they were waiting for a response, then you flicked your eyes up to theirs.
“Just time and rest?” you asked weakly, voice cracking. You swallowed down the lump in your throat. “Is there anything else that I can do?”
“Right now, we’ve diagnosed him with dissociative amnesia. The reason his memories of you are the only ones he can’t seem to recall may be related to that swelling and compression I mentioned, since it’s localized around his hippocampus. His amygdala also has some increased activity, which means his memory loss could be caused by the trauma of the crash or any emotional stress he’s been sustaining recently. In other words, his brain is blocking him from retrieving memories about anyone or anything tied to those feelings.”
The resident took a breath and continued slowly. “That being said, this condition usually resolves on its own or through triggers. So to answer your question, you can try reminding him of certain things that were important to him that could help him remember you or daily life preceding this. Almost like a switch.”
You nodded numbly.
“That’s about all I can suggest to actively do on your part. The rest will be up to his own mentality and how quickly he can recover.”
Again, you nodded.
“Since he’s physically stable, he’s free to go home today. Pharmacy will bring his meds up and the nurse will get his paperwork ready. Are there any other questions you have for me?”
Yes. You had a million more questions about a million more things. You didn’t know why this was happening to Oikawa or you. You didn’t know what this meant for the future for both of you. You didn’t know how to hold yourself together much longer or how to keep yourself from breaking apart your own bones, because that? Ha.
That would hurt so much less than this right now.
“No,” you said politely. “Thank you for explaining everything.”
No amount of explaining will make this any easier.
–––––––
Oikawa was feeling so lost. You could see it in the way he swallowed and hesitantly stepped through the door when you arrived home together.
I don’t know how to help this. I don’t know what to do….
So you pressed on and began leading him to the bedroom. Time and rest, the resident doctor had said. You were determined to follow through on that.
“What’s this?” Oikawa asked suddenly. The sterility of his voice made you flinch. When you turned around, he had paused and was tilting his head at a row of pictures framed on the wall. You walked back as he stepped closer to them.
You stayed behind him, watching his head turn from photo to photo. You couldn’t quite place it, but seeing him a few feet in front of you made your heart tug as if he was a million miles away, like he was almost dodging your reach.
“Um...that’s all us. Over the past few years. You always hang them up immediately after they’re printed.” Despite your smile, your heart winced.
“When was this taken?” He pointed at one near the end of the two of you beaming. His arms were wrapped around your waist while your arm was outstretched to hold the camera up. “This is my favorite place in Miyagi but I’ve never told anyone about it...have I been there with you?” He looked over his shoulder at you and it hurt a lot more than you thought it would to see the genuine confusion on his face.
You nodded. “Lots of times,” you barely croaked out. It was taking everything in you not to cry right now. “We took that last year...when you proposed to me.”
He diverted his cold eyes immediately. “Oh.” When he glanced up and saw you still staring at him, he added on, “You must have really been someone important to me if I took you there.”
You appreciated the small smile he offered you, but you knew it wasn’t as true as he tried to make it seem. You knew him inside and out; you knew what he was like when he was trying to fake being okay, and it was exactly what you were seeing before you.
It wasn’t like you could blame him, though. This happened to him because of you. You could only imagine how rattled he must be. Maybe you weren’t a foreign species to him, but from his perspective, you might as well have been. Living with someone he’s only known for a day in his mind? Being engaged to you with no memory of it happening? You were surprised he wasn’t running out of the house, which you were grateful for, but him holding his ground didn’t change the fact that you still couldn’t overstep his boundaries right now or anytime soon for that matter, no matter how much it killed you to try and hold yourself back.
–––––––
“That’s where I went to high school.”
You let Oikawa guide your fingers across the horizon to point at a building off in the distance. You leaned backwards into his chest and let him settle his chin onto your shoulder as he leaned down enough for you to breathe in the scent of his shirt. You closed your eyes lazily and smiled.
He had you seated on a blanket on a hill overlooking the town of Miyagi. He always loved taking you back to his hometown and showing you all the places where he used to spend his time when he was younger. This place, the hidden overhang at the top of a forest path that led to a small clearing with a bird’s eye view of the rest of the city, was his so-called “thinking spot” since he was a kid. A lot of Oikawa’s most important decisions were made by sitting here by himself at one time or another, staring at the world in front of him and digging into the depths of his mind as he so often did when he was analyzing things as if he were God.
“Are you listening to me right now?”
When Oikawa broke you out of your thoughts, you hummed contentedly.
“Sleepy girl.” Oikawa’s lips graced along your cheek and you felt him mumble against your skin, “You’re not listening, are you?” You could practically hear the devious smirk in his voice.
“I am.”
“Falling asleep on me and lying? Princess, you’re really making it hard for me to let you off the hook right now.” He nuzzled his nose into your neck and playfully nipped at your soft skin there, making you yelp. “You’re lucky I’m more than willing to let you get away with acting like such a brat to me sometimes,” he murmured.
You scoffed and craned your neck to look at him behind you. “As if you don’t act like a brat to me every day of your life,” you said. “We both know who the brat is among the two of us here.”
“Do we now.” Oikawa’s mischievous tone sent your heart racing as one arm wrapped tighter around your waist and he pulled you flush against his chest. Sometimes you forgot the amount of strength he had that was proven by how he could control your whole body weight with just half of his grip.
When you faced forward again, you shook your head with a smile. “If you don’t know, then that makes me right.”
“Oh?” Oikawa’s lips went back to your cheek and he planted little kisses along you until he got to your shoulder. Then, he rested his chin into the crook of your neck. “My girl always claims to be right, doesn’t she?”
“No.”
“Yes.”
You rolled your eyes. He was so clearly as bratty as they come. “No.”
“Yes.”
“No, that’s you.”
“Ye—” Oikawa cut off sharply when he realized what you’d drawn him into saying, and his fingers dug into your skin as he began to tickle you. “Brat!” he cried accusingly. “Brat, brat, brat!”
You started giggling and doubled over as you tried to escape his grasp, pulling at his forearm to tear his hand away from your waist, but he used his other arm to hold both of yours down, and you squealed and squirmed like a six-year-old against him. “Tooru—stop—I can’t—” You started wheezing through your words as you tried to catch your breath from all the laughing.
“Princess.” Oikawa abruptly stopped his teasing fingers and let you settle down against him. His arm that had been constraining yours came up to smooth your hair behind your ear. “There’s only room for one brat in this relationship.”
“So are you admitting that it’s you?”
“No.”
“Tooru!” You laughed and rolled your eyes.
He clicked his tongue. “You’ve gotta stop acting like one or else you’ll turn me into one, too.”
“Idiot, you were one before I even met you.”
Hugging you tighter, he sighed. “And you’ll stay one for the rest of my life as long as I know you.”
At his sweet banter, you lay your head back against his shoulder and smiled. “The rest of your life, huh?” Your voice had a challenging tone to it as you glanced up to try and see his expression above you. “You think you could handle me for that long?”
Oikawa scoffed. “Princess, I know I could,” he said with confidence enough to jump off this cliff itself and come out of it more alive than ever. “The question is if you want me to.”
You cocked your head thoughtfully, wanting to tease him a bit more. “Not sure, Tooru,” you said breezily. “Why don’t you pitch the idea and we’ll see how well you sell it?”
If teasing was your aim, then its goal was reached. Oikawa, pouting, adjusted his grip on your waist and spoke into your neck, his voice muffled. “You break my heart like this and I’m still willing to handle you forever,” he whined. “What does that sound like to you?”
“Sounds like you’re just stubborn as hell.”
He poked your cheek. “You being a brat is what I was going for,” he said.
You giggled and grabbed his hand from your face, spreading his fingers and putting your palm against his. “A brat forever, huh?” you mused out loud. Your voice was quieter now, thoughtful, as you pictured what a life with him would be like forever. You’d pictured it a lot of times before already, so it was easy to sink into. Comfortable. Right.
“My brat forever.” Oikawa’s hand immediately wrapped around yours and his lips were back beside your ear. You could hear his soft smile.
You let out an amused breath and brought your intertwined fingers up to your lips, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand. It was a small gesture that Oikawa said he loved most from you, especially since you weren’t always one to show your affections straight out like he did. “Your brat forever,” you repeated slowly. “It’s kind of tiring always being a brat, though. How about we switch off sometimes?”
Oikawa pecked your cheek and withdrew to settle his chin on top of your head. “Oh? Got a schedule planned in mind?” His voice echoed through your skull right down to your heart, and you couldn’t help but smile to yourself at how warm, how simply happy, his presence made you feel.
“Mondays and Wednesdays work well for me,” you told him, closing your eyes in his arms. “Sometimes the occasional weekend.”
“Then I’ll take Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.” Keeping your hand in his, Oikawa wrapped his arm around the other he already had around your waist, ultimately securing you completely in his hold. After a pause, he mumbled seriously, “Should we be writing this down?”
You laughed and shook your head at his adorable innocence. One of the things you loved about Oikawa was the genuine way he listened and always paid attention to whatever you said, even when you were just kidding with him.
There was silence for a moment and you felt the breeze pick up, wisping your hair around your face. Oikawa nudged it out of your lashes right away. He really was too sweet to be real.
“Hey, princess?”
“Hm?”
He hesitated for a second. “When I said you would stay mine forever, I meant it, you know.”
You wondered briefly why he sounded just a bit timid. “I know,” you said without missing a beat, so that he would know you meant it too.
You heard him exhale above you.
“So...how about it, then?” He turned you around in his lap to face him, and he was looking into your eyes with a steady fire that wouldn’t let up. You couldn’t tell which was brighter just then — Oikawa’s eyes or the landscape around him, painted orange from the blazing heat of the rim of the sun. Figures he of all people would be the one to challenge a star.
And challenge it he did. Twice, actually. First by his eyes, and second by the sparkle of the ring he suddenly cradled in one palm, still keeping your hand held tightly in his other.
“How about forever?” he asked you softly, those starry, summer eyes of his not once leaving your face. He was staring at you with more adoration than you’d ever seen him show you before.
You squeezed his hand before he untangled it from yours, moving from underneath you into a kneeling position in the grass.
This is seriously happening right now….
You wanted to cry.
Scratch that, you were starting to cry.
Oikawa smiled up at you and brushed a finger against your cheek, wiping off a stray tear then tilting his head and holding the ring out in both hands. “You’re mine, princess. I want you to be all mine,” he said to you. “Brat or not, weekends or not, I just want you to be only mine.”
You being you, the emotion of the moment became so much to handle that you just had to pull his leg to relieve some of the pounding in your chest. After all, it wouldn’t be a proposal between the two of you if there was no teasing involved. “You know, I only said some weekends, not all of them,” you said to him, trying and failing to bite back a smile.
Oikawa smirked. “Well, it’s Sunday,” he replied smoothly, quick to play along and witty as ever, “so I’m hoping my brat is here today. I kinda like her and want to hear what answer she has, you know?” He bit his bottom lip and shuffled forward, bowing his forehead down to lay against yours. Even then, his eyes still never left your face.
Absolute love. That’s all Oikawa was ever staring at you with. And you could feel it in every action given, every word spoken to you from him. For you, always, there were never any doubts when it came to Oikawa. Not one.
“Princess...will you marry me?” he whispered.
So who were you to have any now?
You beamed and threw yourself onto him, wrapping your arms around his neck and toppling over as he landed backwards with a laugh and you answered against his ear, “Yes, Tooru! Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!”
–––––––
It was a rainy night. There was a storm coming. You always loved thunderstorms, except for the thunder part. The noise scared you, which was ironic because you loved how adorable Oikawa’s constant chatter always was.
You’d been a quiet person your whole life. Oikawa and you were the definition of opposites attract. Although he could be dramatic and tended to overreact at times, you knew it all came from a place of ambition and determination in him. He was just one single person with a world full of big dreams. It was understandable — expected, even — that his emotions could become intense. In fact, it was one of the things you loved most about him since the moment he allowed you to see his true personality — his passion.
You, on the other hand, tended to keep your feelings to yourself and selectively shared them with the very few who were closest to you, usually only when they managed to force it out of you. Oikawa was always good at that, at his lovable pestering towards you. With him, though, you never felt like you were forced. Oikawa made everything natural, comforting, like a home to you. In the dog-eat-dog world that existed on this planet, he was your light and your safe place.
Silence from you usually meant nothing; it was when you started rambling that Oikawa always knew your nerves were getting fried. Silence from Oikawa, however, meant something was seriously wrong. Well, maybe not always seriously, but something was definitely going on. So when you walked into the silence of your shared home that stormy evening, you assumed it was his occasional bad day or perhaps some fatigue that greeted you.
If only it had been either one of those things.
“Will you get off of me?”
You jolted and jumped back a little in surprise at Oikawa’s sharp snap. Your arms that had been ready to wrap around him from behind immediately dropped to your sides and you drew your hands up to fumble against your chest. “S-sorry,” you said numbly, still a bit shocked at his tone. Oikawa always loved your Tooru-I’m-home hugs. When you forgot to give them to him, he always made sure to remind you by pouting and acting like you’d utterly betrayed him. Tonight, though, that didn’t seem to be the case. “Is everything okay?”
He slammed his glass down on the counter, making you flinch. “Never mind.”
When he brushed past you and out of the kitchen, you followed right behind him to your bedroom. “Are you sure?” you said to him gently as he angrily began to ruffle through his drawers. “I’m listening if you want to talk about it.”
He scoffed. “Is that right?” he said darkly, not looking up at you. You wished he would stop rummaging around and look you in the eye. “Well, listening and understanding are two different things.”
You frowned and crossed your arms. You wanted to sit down, especially since you hadn’t done so since you walked in the door and your muscles were already tired from work, but you stood your ground and tried to keep your voice steady. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“The fact that you’re asking only proves my point,” he muttered.
You didn’t know why he was being so vague but accusatory all at the same time. “Hey, be a little more clear. I don’t know what you’re getting at.”
“Maybe you would if you understood me as well as you claim to listen to me.”
It took a bite of your tongue and a clench of your fists to keep from bursting out a heated reply at him. But you wanted to prove yourself, not just argue with him about it. You understood Oikawa better than anyone, and you knew that he knew it too. He was being stubborn; it was times like this, when he was dead set on pushing everyone away, that he needed you to pry him open the most. It took you a long time to learn how to be with him like this, and you were the only one he ever let figure him out. You’d been through this countless times before. It just seemed like a shock now because he hadn’t been this serious about it for a while. But no matter; you would just do what you’d always done and try to get closer to him, because it was always by doing so that Oikawa eventually unraveled and finally let you inside.
At least, that’s what you thought. But this time wasn’t like the others.
When you moved towards him and tried to wrap your arms around him again, slower this time, he immediately brushed your hands off and turned away.
Your heart broke. Twice in a row now. In one night. Within a ten minute span. Oikawa had never pushed away your attempts to hug him that quickly — that adamantly — before.
“Tooru….” Your voice trailed off, too weak to go on. Or too afraid. You didn’t know which.
He didn’t look back to acknowledge you.
You took a breath. “Are you saying I don’t understand you?” you asked quietly.
For Oikawa, silence was an answer in and of itself.
You clenched your jaw. “That seems like a block we passed a long time ago, Tooru,” you said, tears of frustration starting to prick the corners of your eyes. If he wasn’t going to let you in, you’d just have to find a way in yourself. You couldn’t just let him stay like this, especially when he was treating you as if you provided nothing good for him. “If there’s something I’m missing right now, tell me. Make me understand. I want to. You know that.”
“That’s just it, though,” he said bitterly. “You want to. I don’t.”
“…What?” Your voice almost didn’t sound like your own. It felt like you were in someone else’s shoes, watching someone else’s life play out, because this wasn’t the kind of thing that was supposed to happen between you and Oikawa. This hadn’t ever happened between you and him. And you didn’t know why it was, but it was burning you.
Oikawa stood up with a pair of clothes in his hand and sighed exasperatedly. “I don’t want you to understand me right now. I don’t even want you to listen to me right now, so just leave it alone. Leave me alone.”
“Tooru—” Urgent desperation grabbed hold of you suddenly when he started walking away from you. You didn’t know why, but it felt like if you didn’t clear this up soon, something bad would happen to you, to your relationship with him. You felt like something was going to be lost.
“See? Still pushing, even when I asked you not to.” He shook his head and clicked his tongue, glaring at you from over his shoulder as he moved towards the bathroom. “And you say you’re listening.”
You were getting fed up at this point. Why couldn’t he just be straight with his words? “What’s up with you?” you said. “Did something happen today? Was it anything I did?”
“Today?” He frowned mockingly. “No, not really. For a while? Yeah. You’ve been doing something for a long while, princess.” The way he used the nickname you were so used to hearing with warmth and sweetness in his voice was now laced with an unfamiliar venom to it, and you almost hated that more than any of the hurtful things he was actually saying.
Oikawa scoffed again and walked into the bathroom, still speaking loud enough for you to hear. “You’re always here,” he said sharply as you took a nervous seat on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. “You’re always listening. You have to know everything and it’s like I have nothing to myself anymore. I have to share everything with you because you want to ask about my whole being every second of the day. I have no privacy anymore, no personal thoughts, and you just have to ask about everything even when it doesn’t concern you. Why do you even care about that stuff when I’m the only one it happens to? Can’t you just live your own life for once?”
A bright flash of lightning flitted through the room and you instinctively flinched for what was to come after. When the thunder boomed and rolled through your ears like a cannon exploding your heart to pieces, you wished you could run to him and fold into him the way you always did during storms like these. You wished he would come sit next to you on the bed and cradle you in his arms and smooth his hand down your hair, speaking softly in your ear to drown out the sounds of nature’s worst tantrum. His voice never failed to make you forget the fear you had of the outside. That’s how far Oikawa had dug himself into your heart.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, squeezing your eyes shut tight. Trembling. You didn’t know if he could hear you or not. You didn’t have the will to yell like he was doing. You were too occupied with blocking out the thunder and trying to process his words still. Were his words right now actually holding his true thoughts? Did he not like sharing about his day with you, or sharing his feelings with you? Did he not like talking to you? Did he not like you being here with him?
Another bolt of lighting. Another crash of thunder. Another jolt of your shoulders as your body shook in terror.
You heard him exhale heavily. His voice was lower when he next spoke. He sounded tired, weary, almost. He was practically muttering. “I don’t know. It was so much easier when I only had to worry about myself. You always make me worry over you when I have more important things to think about.”
There was a moment of silence as you clasped your hand to your mouth and started shaking, blood running cold when he spoke one line that broke everything left you’d been holding together until this point.
“Sometimes I just wish I was alone again.”
And that hinting dread of feeling lost, losing him, was nailed deeper than ever before.
It was a few minutes until he emerged from the bathroom with a small toiletries bag dangling from his hand. His feet shuffled towards you before stopping, and you didn’t look up from them. You didn’t know what you’d do if you looked at his face right now. Seeing him could shatter you into a million more pieces for all you knew…because you didn’t know him like this. Not your Tooru. This wasn’t him.
“I’m spending the night at—”
“No.” It was the one word you could choke out right now, but only because your need to get out of here was higher than his right now, thunderstorm be damned. It had to be. “I don’t want you going out hotheaded like that,” you said to the floor, slowly standing up and moving to the closet to grab an overnight bag. “I’ll go. You take some time to cool off here. Lower your temper or whatever.”
Stuffing a few clothes in the bag and slinging it over your shoulder, you brushed past him and out the door to the hallway, hearing him follow right behind you. The rain was heavy against the windows and you started having second thoughts about going outside.
“You don’t have to—”
“I want to.” Your answers were short, curt. Yeah, you had to get out of there. You didn’t want to collapse in front of him, even though your heart was falling to the darkest parts of hell right now. That was fine. He couldn’t see it on the inside; it was the side effect of falling tears on the outside that you had to worry about. They were coming fast, faster than you could put on your shoes and fumble with the doorknob to let yourself out.
“Princess—”
“Don’t call me that.” Right outside the door, you turned your head just enough to let your hair hang in your face as you kept looking at the ground. Not once had you looked up to see his face yet, and you weren’t about to give in now. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said shakily. “Goodnight.”
You heard the door slam shut without the sound of footsteps that you thought you’d hear from him chasing after you. But Oikawa was stubborn. He hadn’t let you wrap yourself around him tonight, so why would he go running to do the same to you?
Because he loved you. You knew he did. But that still didn’t make it hurt less to know his love for you wasn’t enough to bring you together.
The cold, hard fact was that you were alone for the night. No one was coming for you.
He wasn’t coming for you; he didn’t love you enough to do so. Your fiancé…didn’t love you enough to do so.
Again, that was what you thought.
What you didn’t realize was that Oikawa had gotten in his car, rain beating down against the windshield, and started racing through the streets in desperate search for you a few minutes after the shock had hit him. You didn’t realize that as thunder boomed through the clouds overhead, he was cursing himself to death because he knew all hell was too good for him after the way he treated you like that. You didn’t realize his mind was so flooded with getting back to you, with bringing you home to him, kissing you with all the love you didn’t know he held for you and you alone until you were laughing the way he always loved, that nothing in the world could overtake his mental image of your face.
Even when his tears mixed with the unforgiving rain blurred his vision ahead of him, you didn’t realize that Oikawa’s heart was so focused on you over anything else that he dialed your number in another frantic attempt to hear your voice, his eyes soaking in the glow of your name as the call rang again, before he glanced up and suddenly tried to veer away from the driver who was drunkenly swerving between lanes on the street without their headlights on, but hitting them directly at full speed all the same, and everything for him descended to pitch black.
You didn’t realize any of it…how could you have? You were hellbent on getting away from him, all while he was trying to reach you.
No, you only realized it when you finally picked up on the nineteenth call without even looking at the ID after a random and somewhat long gap between the constant ringing of your phone because Oikawa was headstrong, you knew. He wasn’t going to stop calling until you answered.
“Hello?”
“Hi, this is the general hospital emergency department.”
The sound of another man’s voice on the phone scared you then. Your mind blanked before you could answer, and you just barely got out your name when they asked for it.
“We’re calling because you’re under our records as the primary contact for Oikawa Tooru, so we wanted to let you know the situation right away.”
You swallowed dryly and the night appeared to go still. As abruptly as it had come, the storm came swiftly to a silencing, dreadful halt. It was eerie. You didn’t like it. There was no cool breeze or anyone else around you, no flickering of street lamps or rustling of tree leaves. Your legs had stopped moving and your lungs had stopped breathing. Your wet hair was matted to your face and you could feel your socks soaked through inside your shoes. The only thing that seemed alive was your heart in your chest; but maybe that didn’t really count as being alive if all its stabbing beats made you want to do was die.
“He’s been in a car accident. He arrived unconscious by ambulance just now, and he’s going to need an emergency operation. We’re asking that you come here as soon as possible.”
–––––––
“How are you holding up?”
You smiled weakly. Convincingly, you hoped, but weakly. “Still here.”
Iwaizumi clenched his jaw, his brows furrowing together as he kept his eyes focused on you. “In a good way?” he asked.
You shrugged. “There are good and bad days,” you admitted quietly.
He ruefully gave a little scoff. “Yeah? I don’t doubt that,” he murmured. After a short silence, he took a small sip of his coffee from his cup, then leaned forward across the table. You kept looking down at your own drink, absentmindedly tracing your fingers over the circle of the rim. “It’s been a few weeks now,” Iwaizumi said slowly. “You think he’s coming around a little?”
Your fingers stopped moving and you slid them around the mug, wrapping your palms around it. “Can’t tell,” you answered. “If he is, I haven’t noticed an indication of it. He just seems the same.”
You looked out the window as if you were on autopilot, which you sort of had been for the past few weeks. Everything seemed so scripted at home with Oikawa, and it almost felt like each day was just more of the same — morning greetings, plans for the day, small talk when you got home, and then a quick goodnight. You hadn’t even been sleeping in the same bed as him until a few days ago. You didn’t want to make him uncomfortable or give him any more insomnia than he already inherently had, so you waited until he was comfortable with himself in the entire place before you started weaving yourself back into it.
But nights in that bed with him again…it felt like you were sleeping next to a stranger. You thought that being beside him and falling asleep to his steady breathing and the knowledge that he was right there with you would give you peace of mind and make you fall asleep easier instead of how you used to cry yourself to sleep or stay up till dawn in the guest bedroom, because you could only ever get the best sleep possible when you were next to Oikawa. But now? Now, you were the one with insomnia. The distance between you two on the same bed as he sidled up to the edge on his side while you hesitantly lay in the middle of yours made you almost regret going back to sleep there. It made you wonder whether he actually disliked your presence, whether you should have stayed away and given him a little more time.
Babying his condition wasn’t going to help, though. Triggers were supposed to help, you’d been told. So that’s what you were trying to do. You just hadn’t expected that trying to pull them would affect you much more than it did for him. It was almost like you were the overdramatic one now, and not him. It felt unnatural.
“But he’s not the same,” you said, meeting Iwaizumi’s green eyes. “It’s not the him I know. He’s not the same Tooru we know. He’s so different now. I don’t know this Tooru. I want to, Hajime, I really, really want to know him. But I don’t. I’m still trying, though. I’ll keep trying.”
Iwaizumi looked at you with worry creasing in between his brows. “I know you will,” he said, nodding. “I just don’t want to see you affected this way for much longer. Especially when there’s nothing I can do about it.”
You shrugged and smiled. “I don’t like feeling this way either,” you replied. “It’s not in our control, I guess…but when has Tooru ever been under our control?”
Finally, he cracked a grin at your playful jabber towards his best friend, which made your heart warm at the sight. You always thought Iwaizumi looked much better with a smile on his face than when he was normally scowling with Oikawa, especially when that smile made the love of your life smile harder, which always gave you butterflies like you still had a crush on him.
“I try to talk to him about you a lot,” Iwaizumi assured. “Every time I’m with him, as often as I can. Anything to trigger something in him.”
“…And?”
He bit the inside of his cheek, smile falling once again. “Nothing so far. I’m sorry, Y/n.”
You shook your head. “You don’t have to apologize,” you said. “It’s not your fault, Hajime.”
If anything, it’s mine.
He tapped your hand once. “Don’t start blaming yourself either, then,” he said sternly. He was just as observant as ever, almost able to call you out as well as he did Oikawa. “We both know he was in the wrong that night. He shouldn’t have said those things about you.”
“But I shouldn’t have just left like that,” you reasoned, the guilt still looming over your mind as heavy as it did the day of the accident. You dropped your gaze down to the table, unable to look him in the eye without a small sense of shame in yourself, some responsibility even though you wanted to believe him. “I should have stayed and tried to talk to him more.”
You knew you shouldn’t have run away from it or him. If you’d stayed behind and taken the chance to talk it out, maybe Oikawa wouldn’t have felt the need to leave your home by himself anymore. Maybe you wouldn’t have gone out in his place and maybe he never would have followed you out there, never would have been hit by that stupid drunk driver and gotten in the crash, and maybe then both of you wouldn’t be in this situation. Maybe he’d still remember he was in love with you.
But that was the thing. Even if he had his memories back right now, would he still be in love with you? Everything he’d said during that night…just how true had all of it been? You didn’t know. And he didn’t remember. So there was no way of finding out.
Torture.
It was frustrating. Infuriating, almost. You weren’t mad at him, though. You didn’t know what you were mad at, really. The universe. Nature. Your easily-broken-through emotional walls. If they had been a little stronger, you pictured the opposite reality that could have happened if you had stood your ground; but they weren’t. And you hadn’t.
“Maybe,” Iwaizumi said simply, making you look up at him with pleading, helpless anguish. He studied you closely and leaned forward. “Maybe not. But either way, it’s none of our faults. It’s just the way things happened to be.”
You nodded, more as an attempt to try and convince yourself that what he was saying was right more than anything. It certainly didn’t feel healthy to constantly put yourself down as the days went on without seeing any change in Oikawa, but it wasn’t so easy to just brush it off as fate like that. After all, if this was fate, did that mean you weren’t supposed to be with him? Had you made the wrong decision saying yes to his proposal? You didn’t want to think about that.
You sucked in a breath. “Does he—” Having second thoughts, you clamped your mouth shut. Perhaps ignorance was bliss for now. “Never mind.”
He rolled his eyes. “Just say it.”
Swallowing, you fumbled your hands together. “Does he…ask about me when you’re with him? You know, when you tell him about me. Or out of his own curiosity at all? Anything?” Even without hearing his answer, you felt your heart sink at just the fact that you were asking it. You could almost laugh at yourself. What kind of person has to wonder if their fiancé ever asks about them or is interested about them, even just a little bit? You knew that if it weren’t for the fight before all this happened, it wouldn’t be plaguing your mind as much. But that fight did happen, it did shake your insecurities and it did make you doubt things a lot harder than you ever thought you would, even things you never imagined to doubt before, and now you didn’t even know if the man you loved was still there for you inside.
Iwaizumi’s hesitation was heavy, weighing down on you even more. “No. He doesn’t.”
Cold. Your insides immediately went cold, like it was filled with the crackling of ice instead of a warm hearth fire in your blood. You nodded slowly and grabbed your mug again, bringing it up to your lips to try and hide your breaking smile that was folding over into a trembling frown. “Th-that’s okay.”
He sighed gloomily. “I’m sorry.”
Taking a big sip, you waved your hand at him nonchalantly like it was water under the bridge, a minor thing like not bringing fruit to a lunchtime picnic. When you put your mug down, you exhaled deeply, splaying your hands out on the table so you would stop pinching yourself to ease the pain of his facts. “So…what do you guys talk about?” You glanced up at him. He was staring right back at you.
Iwaizumi shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “Old memories, I guess,” he answered. “Like I said, I try to steer him towards things that could remind him of you, even if it’s indirectly. The foods you like, places he took you, that kind of stuff. He doesn’t react much, but he doesn’t argue against it either. He actually goes along with it when I tell him why I’m doing it. That could be a good sign, you know?” He squirmed in his seat just then, bowing his head and letting out a long breath. When he looked back up at you, his eyes were filled with something you couldn’t decipher. “He, um….” His steady voice trailed off.
You tapped his hand the way he did yours. “Just say it,” you mocked lightly, parroting his words.
Iwaizumi grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well,” he said awkwardly, “he asks about Mio a lot.”
The name made you subconsciously start gritting your teeth.
Ah. Her.
“Oh.” Your voice was quiet, sullen. You didn’t really know what to say to that. What do you say when the man you’re supposed to marry has lost all memories of you and only wants to know about the first woman he had feelings for? There wasn’t much you could blame him for in his state, even if it felt like stone-cold betrayal. But that didn’t mean it hurt any less to hear it.
You ignored the clenching of your heart as it pressed its needles into your chambers, making the flow of your blood all but a sting and a slice cutting right through you without mercy. “What about her?” you asked, your attempt at an uncaring tone sounding a bit too apprehensive.
You didn’t miss the nervous way he pressed his lips together as Iwaizumi shrugged. “Where she’s at, what she’s up to now. Just basic questions.” He paused for a moment, tugging at his shirt collar as if it were too tight. You watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down, and it was obvious he had something else to add. You didn’t say anything until he spoke. “But he did ask if she was seeing anybody. I told him I didn’t know, which is the truth.”
Truth be told, you’d wanted to flinch the moment her name came out of Iwaizumi’s mouth, but had held it back thinking that would be too dramatic. Now, though, you visibly tucked into yourself, looking away the moment he said it and squeezing your brows together. Your jaw clenched and you felt dark jealousy tingle up your spine.
Her face popped into your mind just then, which made you bow your head down to look at your lap. You never knew you’d have to picture that face again. Oikawa had promised you that himself.
A small pit of fear suddenly settled in your stomach as the thought of him joined your image of her. You gulped, raising your head a bit to stare at the table. Your voice was practically a whisper when you began to ask, “Do you think he—”
“No.” Iwaizumi was unblinking, steadfast in his answer. “He knows he’s engaged to you even if he doesn’t remember doing it, and as much of a pain in the ass he can be, he wouldn’t outright disregard loyalty like that. He may not have his memories back yet, but he still has morals. Even before he met you, he was always a good person underneath it all. He would never hurt someone the way you’re imagining.” He reached across the table to tap both tops of your hands when you still wouldn’t look him in the eye, cocking his head to try and see you at an angle and using a gentler tone. “So don’t even think about it, okay? Besides, it’s been years since they’ve been in contact, right? I myself don’t even know where she is now. They were just old high school friends. She’s a dusty memory that he’s recalling, you know? You have nothing to worry about. I promise.”
It seemed funny that he was promising something he had no control over. But the certainty in his voice made you want to hang on to the same positivity he had, especially when you were heavily lacking in seeing the bright side yourself lately; and in a situation where control had been thrown out the window by the gods who were supposedly in charge of your life, you figured you might as well grasp on to something, anything, while you could and believe all his words instead of losing yourself in the pit of paranoia.
Iwaizumi was being rational; he always was. His logic was valid. Oikawa had never given you any reason to doubt him on this before, so why should you start now? At least he was recalling things from that long ago. That had to count for something. You couldn’t bring yourself to be upset about it when complete memories were all you wanted him to have now, to remember as much as he possibly could.
And it made sense he would remember someone like her. Even if she was someone who almost tore you two apart.
Almost, you reminded yourself with conviction, built up by Iwaizumi’s warm reassurance. But she didn’t. Because Tooru never let that happen.
A small smile traced faintly, vaguely, across your lips as you absentmindedly twirled the silver band that you had never taken off of your left ring finger.
Because he promised.
–––––––
Iwaizumi always had that recklessness of youth. He was loud, and he was brash, and he was rougher than he needed to be more often than not, but it was only because he was, by nature, a straightforward person. He didn’t like dramatics or wild exaggerations, and he thought people who did were the bane of his existence.
He was right, in a way.
He didn’t really know how he ended up being friends with Oikawa — said bane of his existence. It sort of just…happened. One day he was playing in the garden alone, the next Oikawa was right beside him. And for the next twenty years of their lives, he never left. Not permanently, at least. Which sucked sometimes. The guy tested his patience every single, fuse-blowing day.
Iwaizumi always knew Oikawa was destined for greatness. His best friend was one of those people you just knew pulled everyone towards them, could do no wrong in the eyes of the universe, and you could never stay mad at no matter how hard you tried; Iwaizumi would know. He’d tried a million times.
He tried when Oikawa stole food off his plate at lunch. He tried when the idiot entertained all the girls at school and gave them autographs or accepted gifts they gave him, displaying an armful of chocolates as an excuse not to carry the volleyball equipment; Iwaizumi clocked him in the back of the head every time. He tried when he realized how torturous a mind Oikawa was driven by when Iwaizumi ever left him alone, and he tried even more when Oikawa would refuse to listen to sense as they argued over training versus breaking yourself down. And hells, all hells…did the gods ever know that Iwaizumi tried his hardest when he started to fall in love with you.
The funny thing was that he was never really good at hating people, at least not genuinely; that was Oikawa’s working method. Iwaizumi was an honest guy, an optimistic guy even though he scowled at every pair of eyes he met, and anyone who was lucky enough to get close to him knew that he was one of the most supportive, protective humans they could meet on this earth.
That had always been his role — to support. Since the day Oikawa decided to reach for the stars, Iwaizumi was there to help him see it through. That’s what best friends are there for, right? To support each other in everything, always, no matter what. As long as it made them happy.
You made Oikawa happy. Iwaizumi knew it from the day he met you. And he was thankful for that, extremely, because it meant he didn’t have to be the only one trying to contain your boyfriend anymore. You always seemed like a nice girl, a polar opposite from the ones who used to squeal out, “Tooru!” when they were in high school. But this was adulthood now, and Iwaizumi liked how you were mature. He liked how you were a perfect balance for Oikawa, which was something he’d been shouldering alone all these years with no one else to relate to on it. But now he did. He had you.
Your humor was the same as his, which led to a lot of nights spent teasing his best friend together, then laughing to the side as you got smothered with kisses by Oikawa, who’d beg for you to take it back. You always did in the end, cuddling back into his arms yourself and drowning in the folds of his hoodie you wore. You loved him, it was plain as day. You loved him more than he loved you at first; but slowly, as Iwaizumi watched your relationship grow, Oikawa became the one who placed you higher above all else; so it was never a surprise that he was going to propose to you.
What was a surprise was that right before it happened, Iwaizumi had a crisis. A real-life, mind-reeling, existential crisis; that being, he was head over heels for you. His best friend’s girlfriend. Soon-to-be fiancée.
How much lower could he be?
The time he’d spent getting to know you had subconsciously been spreading to encompass something more than friendship in Iwaizumi’s mind. He loved your presence, your warmth, the comfort you gave just by stepping into a room. He was in love with the way you were terrible at cooking when he tried to help you arrange a surprise dinner for Oikawa; he couldn’t get enough of your heartfelt singing when your favorite songs came on, even when you tried to hit the high notes and fell short without a care in the world; and his favorite thing to do was sit and watch your expressions as you told everyone funny stories about your day when the whole group was together, taking in your cheeks framed messily by stray pieces of hair and the way your fingers curled into the sleeves of your hoodie so they were fisted into sweater paws, your eyes gleaming as you stared your boyfriend in the face while sitting in his lap, unaware that Iwaizumi was sneaking glances and looking at you the same way from across the table.
By your third anniversary, Iwaizumi knew he was wrongfully in love with you. He just never knew how bad it was until a few months later when he heard the news.
It only took Oikawa showing him the ring for it to hit like a rocket out of space, which was the image that came to Iwaizumi’s mind after being forced to watch conspiracy videos on space missions and discoveries the entire afternoon.
“You’re what now?” He almost spit out his drink.
“I’m proposing to her,” Oikawa repeated, beaming widely from ear to ear.
His mouth fell open. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
Oikawa cocked his head. “Huh?”
Iwaizumi shook his head quickly. “Nothing, I don’t mean it like that. I just…damn.” He chuckled incredulously, trying to process the information while balancing the tugging in his chest that was making it hard to smile back. He wanted to smile, though. He really, really did. “I’m happy for you,” he said, forcing a grin and praying it just looked like any other time he ever smiled out of surprise. “I’m serious. This is incredible. You’re finally there for real?”
Nodding, Oikawa snapped the lid closed on the ring and slid the box back into his pocket. “Yeah, I am,” he said, sounding nervous and proud at the same time. “You’re not the only one who’s shocked. My sister hit me in the face when she freaked out after I showed it to her.” He rubbed at the small scratch that was fading on his jawline.
Iwaizumi laughed, heart still throbbing — was that pain he felt? — in his chest. “I can’t believe you’re really doing this. You of all people.” He exhaled shortly, blinking hard at his drink. He wanted to be unbearably happy for his best friend and the life you were going to have together. So why did he feel so frantic inside? “To be honest with you, I never thought you’d feel this way about anyone after…you know.”
Oikawa raised a brow. “You can say her name, Iwa-chan. It’s not blasphemy.”
He sputtered noises and turned away from him. “I’m just making sure not to trigger you!” he protested defensively. He crossed his arms over his chest, making his insides feel tighter than they already were. Like they were coiled around a spring and ready to burst out. Were his lungs growing smaller? Is that why it felt like his breathing was shallow? “Sheesh. I take your feelings into consideration for once and you just brush it off like that.”
“Your efforts are appreciated, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa hummed before taking a sip from his glass.
“Tch. It’s too late for that now.”
Oikawa’s laugh rang out through the air, striking a harsh difference to the panic coursing through Iwaizumi’s veins. “Really, though,” Oikawa said after a brief silence. “What I felt for Mio…it’s long gone now. And even if it wasn’t, it would never compare to what I feel for Y/n. I’d pick Y/n over her, or anyone, every time.”
Iwaizumi looked at him and watched Oikawa’s eyes, trained hard on the horizon ahead. Even from the side, Iwaizumi could tell they were glowing as vividly as fire.
“She put me back together again,” said Oikawa firmly. “After what happened with Mio…I thought that was it for me. I thought I’d never get over it and keep blaming myself for everything, but Y/n changed all of that. She made all of it just…not matter anymore. Cleared my head of how I used to hate myself.” He sighed, closing his eyes, and his voice softened. A hint of a smile could be seen on his side profile, almost like he had entered pure bliss just by saying your name. “And the only thing that matters to me now is her. I don’t ever want to go back to how I was before I met her. I love how I am when I’m with her, and I love her for everything she is to me. She’s my world now. Always will be.”
With that vow, Oikawa turned to show his face graced with the gentlest expression Iwaizumi had ever seen him wear. Oddly enough, it looked fitting on him, and he could tell Oikawa had found his long-sought-after happiness at last; who would have thought it was going to be you?
And who would have thought Iwaizumi would be relating to every word Oikawa spoke as if he was the one marrying you himself?
Your laugh, your voice, your face, your eyes…the touch of your hands and the smell of your hair — all of it was flashing through Iwaizumi’s mind as he tried so hard to make peace with the fact that Oikawa was going to make you his forever.
That was the first time he’d ever heard Oikawa speak of anyone so highly to the point of saying nothing else mattered to him. Oikawa Tooru, the man who let nothing get in his head unless it was his dream of beating everyone at the sport he loved most since the day he laid eyes on the ball and the court, had something else to love more now. And Iwaizumi couldn’t believe he had fallen in love with the exact same thing — you.
He was there for every one of Oikawa’s firsts. His first win, first loss, first love, first heartbreak, and now his first priority, which was you. Oikawa wasn’t a man who had a lot of life experience outside of volleyball. If you were all that was on his mind and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, that meant you were irreplaceable. Something Oikawa saw as once-in-a-lifetime.
He had said so himself; whatever Oikawa had with Mio could not amount to everything that he had with you. That’s how Iwaizumi knew you were the one for him — for Oikawa. And that’s how he knew he couldn’t tear that apart. Oikawa was too important to him. You were too important to him. If both of you were meant to be the one for each other, then Iwaizumi wouldn’t be the one to get in the way of that. He would be the one to play the role he always had; he’d support you two as much as he could because you made each other happy, because the pure happiness you got from his best friend was surely not worth risking just for the sake of the secret, smaller happiness Iwaizumi carried in his chest, a happiness he only received from you. It just wasn’t worth it.
Declaring his love for you, creating a scene, possibly breaking the hearts of the two people he cared about more than life itself for the sake of a fantasy that he might satisfy his just wasn’t worth the risk. Dramatics were never his style of life; Iwaizumi was a straightforward guy, and the straightforward fact was that you were happy with who you were with, even though it wasn’t him. The straightforward truth, as hard as it was to admit, was that you were going to marry his best friend. And as your fiancé’s best friend, Iwaizumi would be damned if he didn’t support it. That’s what it meant to be in the role he was in, to protect the smiles of the people he loved the most. That’s who he had always been, and he wasn’t going to stop doing it, because Iwaizumi Hajime was the most kindhearted person anyone could ever ask for.
Even when it killed him.
–––––––
“Who’s the one next to you?”
“Princess, that’s Iwa-chan. He still looks the same.”
“No, on your other side, Tooru. The girl.”
“Oh, her? That’s Mio, one of my friends from high school. I’ve lost touch with her since graduation, but we were all pretty close with each other back then.”
• • •
Mio. The name you’d once heard without thinking twice or blinking an eye at the way Oikawa smiled when he looked at the photo while saying it. Nothing had crossed your mind when his tone softened and his finger subtly brushed against her face next to his, and you hadn’t felt a need to keep asking when he suddenly seemed to snap back into the present, tucking the picture to the back of the pile and moving on to the next one a little more quickly. A little too dismissively.
You’d heard stories from Oikawa and Iwaizumi about their high school days countless times. You knew every player on their old volleyball team and every school they’d ever beaten, all the classes they’d been good at and every teacher they still harbored grudges against. The high school Oikawa was a fun thing to imagine in your mind. You liked listening to Iwaizumi’s tales about all the fangirls who’d flock to the bench after each match or even in the halls at school. The thought of a young, flirty Oikawa with a penchant for flair always made you smile. That version of your boyfriend didn’t sound a lot different from how he was when you’d met him, but every time you said that, Iwaizumi and the others would give chuckles and low whistles, saying they much preferred the Oikawa that was with you now.
“He was a wreck,” they’d tell you, shaking their heads as Iwaizumi would hold Oikawa back from trying to cover all their mouths. “He had no street smarts or any sense of inclusion. He was obsessive and never told people what was really on his mind, so you never knew if he was actually being real with you or not. It scared the hell out of people sometimes. He could be really cold when he wanted to be, but when he was faking the niceties? Those were the worst.” They’d all shiver at the memory while Oikawa would scurry to your side, rubbing your arms and begging you to ignore them.
“Stop trying to turn her against me!” he’d cry, shielding you away from the rest of the group while they laughed.
“Relax, we’re just telling her you’ve had character development,” his friend Makki had once said, waving a hand in the air.
“Yeah, she’s lucky she never had to deal with you when we did,” said Matsukawa, shuddering. 
“We’re so happy you scooped him up and saved us from the mess he was after his last, uh…failed relationship,” Makki had added, nodding at you.
“It wasn’t even a relationship,” Matsukawa had pointed out, lazy smile spreading on his face.
Oikawa had seethed. “Would you shut up?” he’d snapped in a low voice, and you could hear the sharp edge in it as he spoke.
The conversation had died down after that as the rest of them had realized Oikawa wasn’t kidding this time. You thought about asking a little more when you’d gotten home that night, but he had avoided the topic like the plague when you’d tried.
Now, as you watched him sitting out on the floor with his back against your bed frame, you figured you could try again.
You walked over and kneeled on the floor across him, pushing away the urge to sit shoulder-to-shoulder. He had a box in front of him filled with old pictures, the same pictures he’d gone through with you a few times before. But the one in his hand was something he’d only ever shown you once.
“That’s Mio.” You kept your eyes on the picture laying flat on his leg when you said her name.
He inhaled quickly. “You know Mio?” The earnestness in his voice was hard to dismiss. Biting. Stabbing.
You nodded. “You’ve told me about her before. She was your friend, right?” You pulled your bottom lip into your mouth as you kept looking at the picture, Mio’s face drawing your attention. Upside down, she almost looked like a stranger, like someone you’d never seen before. Hell, she was a stranger. You’d never even met the girl. But something uncomfortably familiar shifted in you when a weird feeling surged through you just by looking at her. Something like alienation.
“Yeah,” Oikawa said quietly. After a short pause and a squirm in his place, he started, “Hey, do you—never mind.”
You looked up at him then, only to find him staring back down at the same place you were. You watched his lashes flutter when he blinked, but his eyes didn’t move from where they were trained. You didn’t need to know what — who — it was on. But it made that feeling in you strike a little harder, and it felt just like that old twinge of skepticism you’d never thought to question from the time back when he’d grown comfortable enough to tell you.
• • •
“She was my first crush.”
“Oh? Tell me about it. I want to hear what a lovesick little Tooru was like in high school.”
“Still as cute as I am now.”
You hummed thoughtfully. “Tell me first and then I’ll decide that for myself.”
He pouted. “You really want to hear about this?” he mumbled, scratching the back of his head. As confident as he usually was, he always looked cute with a different, boyish sort of charm when he was flustered or nervous.
“Of course I do! Everyone has their first crush story. Mine was—”
“No, don’t tell me!” His hands went straight to your face, squishing your cheeks together to close your lips from going on, and he planted a kiss on you for good measure.
You reached up to grab at his wrists, trying to talk through your scrunched-up face. “Why not?” you teased mischievously, trying your best to smirk with your lips all screwed together like that. “Afraid you might get jealous? It was a boy in class who lent me his crayons, if you see that as competition.”
He visibly flinched.
“I was six, Tooru.”
“Still.”
“You’re my only crush now.” You poked him in the side, hard, and he yelped and drew his hands away. Finally.
Rubbing his side, he frowned at you dramatically. “Only for now? And what do you mean I’m just a crush? We’re together! Is that not enough for you?”
You laughed and snuggled closer into his side. “So, what was she like?”
He swallowed and let his arm drape over your shoulder, circling his thumb over your skin. It was a habit he got whenever he fell deep into thought.
“She was nice,” he started. “She was my friend for a while before I started liking her. She was probably the closest person to me after Hajime. The three of us used to do everything together. I liked her sense of humor. And I knew everything about her, too. But I never said anything about it. I just…pined for her the entire duration of high school because I didn’t know what to do. Hajime used to make bets with the volleyball team over whether I’d confess or not, but he knew I never would, so he won every time. I hate it when he’s always right.”
When you glanced up, he was scowling. “This sounds more like a first love, if you ask me,” you said, half-teasing, half-serious. It was a small thing, probably wrong, but you wondered if he was really telling you the complete depth of it. His tone of voice and the change in atmosphere made you think that there was something more serious than he was letting on because with Oikawa, nothing was ever anything unless it was far deeper underneath the surface than one would initially think.
He recoiled and gaped at you. “First lo—no! It was nothing like that.” His other arm came to wrap around your front and hold you closer to him than before, his warmth enveloping you in a way nothing else ever could. “You’re my first love, princess,” he said into your hair. “My only love.”
You smiled to yourself, heart melting at his words no matter how often he said them to you. It just made you happier than you thought you could be every single time without fail. “You’re mine, too.”
“So let’s stop talking about people who aren’t, especially your crayon boy,” he said with a huff before tilting your chin up towards him. His thumb stroked your cheek and he smiled down at you softly. “Tell me about your day, princess. I want to hear all about it.”
• • •
“What were you going to ask?” You watched Oikawa’s expression carefully for any sign that your hunch was right.
He shuffled his legs to his chest, swiftly taking the picture in his hands and effectively hiding it from you. “It’s nothing. I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to answer.”
“Try me, Tooru.” You inched a little closer to him, if only to be just a little closer to him.
He hesitated, then his eyes flickered up to yours. Those eyes you loved so much that regarded you with such hesitancy now. “Do you know where Mio is?”
You forced yourself to breathe even though you were choking. “I don’t,” you answered, shaking your head. “Neither did you. All you’ve told me was that you fell out of touch with each other.”
He sighed. “That’s alright. Thanks for trying.”
You watched him pocket the photo and replace the lid on the box of the rest of the pictures. “Do you want to see her?” you asked, not sure if you even wanted to know the answer.
A pause.
“I don’t know.”
Your skin seared with pinpricks. Maybe if he’d given a definitive response, you could have made better peace with it, but the fact that his feelings were wavering and you didn’t know where he was leaning towards made your heart lurch with nausea. “Have you—” You stopped yourself to reword the question so it wouldn’t sound like you were pressuring him. “Um, is there anything new you remember yet?” You tried to smile hopefully up at him in an attempt to convince yourself today was the day.
Is there anything about me you remember yet?
He stood up and looked down at you, eyes still closed off and unfamiliar, shifting his weight on his feet and giving you a look of pity. You didn’t like him looking at you like that.
“No. I’m sorry.” He didn’t blink twice before padding out of the room and leaving you on the floor by yourself.
It took you a moment to catch your breath when you realized you’d been holding it before you scrambled up and raced out of the room to find him putting his shoes on at the door. You approached him slowly with your hands feeling cold at your sides, and you crossed your arms to imitate any sort of security that you used to feel from him before, just to be able to watch him get ready to leave. “Where are you going?” you asked in a small voice.
He glanced up at you. “Oh. Out.”
“Out where?”
“You know, I don’t like it when people ask too many questions.”
You took a step backwards as he opened the door. “I’m sorry,” you said. “I just — I’d feel more comfortable knowing where you are. Just in case…something happens.” You hated feeling like you were nagging him, and the words from his mouth on the night of your fight came crashing back into your memory when you realized this must have been what he was talking about. Maybe you really were too overbearing with him. But at the same time, you couldn’t push out the images of him in that hospital bed and the chill through your skin when you’d received that call in the middle of the night, when you had just let him be without a second thought, when your lack of grabbing onto the worn-out thread that was Oikawa Tooru at a time when it mattered most had led to what was now your living nightmare.
“I’ll be fine,” he said, giving you a tiny smile. A fake smile. “I’m just going to take a walk. You don’t have to worry about me.”
He already had one foot out the door when you decided to just give in and say, “Okay, be safe. Oh, Tooru, what do you want for din—”
The door slammed shut before you could finish.
You stood there by yourself in the entryway for a moment, the wind from outside finally settling with the air in your home and fading back to the same temperature. You stared at the doorknob with a blank face, mind empty and arms dropping limp with only one thought repeating itself over and over and over again inside your head, wondering if your heart could take the strain any longer.
Please don’t let me lose you.
–––––––
You were a persistent one.
Oikawa never liked persistent people. They pissed him off. They made him seethe. They reminded him of his own struggles and the sides of him he hated most, and he despised when he played against those people like he was battling a mirrored version of himself. Those matches were always games of relentless torture.
He didn’t know how he could have possibly fallen in love with you. Everyone kept saying he’d been in love with you for years now, that he was even supposed to marry you.
Marry her? he’d thought to himself later. Like hell I can.
Oikawa barely even knew you. From the moment you showed up in the hospital to the moment a few hours ago when he’d left you in the house with that look you’d been giving him all month, he couldn’t pin down the feeling that seeing your face brought out inside him. It was something fearful. Something he felt afraid to confront. It made him feel like he was going to be against himself, like you were the same as those players he’d tried his hardest to fight off whenever he wanted to prove his worth, to prove to the world that he was better than everything they saw.
But you also gave him a piece of comfort. It was the strangest sensation, finding warmth in the hands of someone he didn’t recognize when he rolled over to see your face every morning, when he’d brush his fingers against your hair as you slept on the couch when he came home from practice, and every time he’d fail his attempts to keep from watching you out of the corner of his eye. He just couldn’t help it. As torturous as you made him feel, all he was doing was getting drawn further into you.
And that’s exactly what terrified him. Because the only person he’d ever been drawn into this much before was the very person no one seemed to have any answers about. Every time he’d asked Iwaizumi about Mio, Oikawa had been met with a roadblock, including now.
“You’re engaged, Oikawa,” Iwaizumi said. He was standing in the kitchen eyeing his best friend on the couch after letting him in when he’d randomly shown up to his apartment. “None of us has even heard from Mio since high school. For all we know, she’s off living life in a whole other country. Besides, why are you so curious all of a sudden? You never once asked about her after graduation, not even before you met Y/n. You didn’t even care.”
Oikawa narrowed his eyes. “She was my first love, Iwa-chan. Of course I’m going to wonder where she’s at.”
“But you love Y/n. Don’t you?” Iwaizumi glared right back, his eyes beading into fiery swirls of green that Oikawa had never been able to argue against since they were little kids. At a lack of response, Iwaizumi repeated, “Don’t you?”
“I don’t know!” Oikawa looked away from the pressure, hiding his face in his hands as his shoulders drooped and his hair hid his eyes. He sank to the floor and leaned his forehead against his bent knee.
“Wha—”
“How am I supposed to love someone I’ve never even met before?” he cried. “Mio’s the only one I remember loving. She was the only one I had feelings for.”
Iwaizumi scowled. “You’d better not have said that in front of Y/n,” he warned, hands curling into fists at his side.
“Of course I haven’t. But even if I did—”
“Is it true?”
Oikawa looked up at him. “What?”
Iwaizumi moved to stand in front of him, towering over Oikawa’s slumping figure. “Right now, is it true that you still have feelings for Mio like you did in high school? Tell me. Yes or no.” The look on his face, cast over by a darkness, said he wouldn’t take any smart answers lightly.
Oikawa fidgeted under his gaze. “No. But—”
“Then it doesn’t matter.” Iwaizumi turned and went back to the kitchen.
“But I remember the feelings when I did!” Oikawa hurried to follow and sat at the table as Iwaizumi chopped food on the counter. “I don’t…I don’t think I have them right now, not like I used to,” he said, trying to sort all of his thoughts out loud. “But I still remember how it felt. And I feel like there’s something I’m forgetting, something that felt like that, but I don’t know what it is and I want to remember so badly. So if she’s the only one I remember feeling this for, then maybe if I see her—”
“Listen to me.” Iwaizumi whipped around and Oikawa instinctively scooted back at his intimidating aura, especially since he was still holding the knife in one hand. “That’s Y/n. Y/n is the one you’re missing. Not some old crush from a decade ago.”
He crossed his arms. “Mio wasn’t just a crush. You know that.”
“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi looked hard at him and clenched his jaw tightly, eyebrows coming together in a frustrated, almost desperate, pleading expression. “Don’t.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
Iwaizumi sighed. “Not yet, you’re not. And I’m telling you, if you ever do, you’re going to regret it. The you I know now would not want to be doing this, or even be thinking about it, memories be damned. You’re engaged, Tooru. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
At the sound of his name, Oikawa caved in and sunk into his seat. Iwaizumi never called him Tooru unless he was being dead serious, and Oikawa hadn’t even heard that from him in the longest time. The last time must have been back in high school for all he knew. But the emphasis of Iwaizumi’s tone now made him want to tear his own hair out.
“I know,” he whispered. “I know I’m engaged. Everyone keeps on telling me that. But I don’t know her. She’s just the girl who, for some reason, I live with and who I woke up to one day, and no matter how many times you keep trying to put in my brain that I’ve spent the last few years of my life being in love with her, I’m never going to remember it! Nothing has been coming to me this entire month and if it hasn’t already come by now, none of it ever will!”
His chest was heaving with unsteady breaths and he realized how hard he was gripping the edge of the table with his arms outstretched, chair pushed far enough back that he was leaning forward and practically shoving the table towards Iwaizumi.
He let his hands go and let his head fall. “I’m sorry, Hajime. I just…I can’t keep pretending anymore.” He brushed past Iwaizumi who was trailing him to the door as he swiftly grabbed the knob, picking his shoes up but not bothering to put them on.
“Tooru, you can’t just leave this like—”
For the second time that night, Oikawa let the door silence words he didn’t care to hear.
Was it so hard for everyone to believe? Was his logic completely wrong? He couldn’t fathom how that could be true, not when his head told him he was making sense. He couldn’t trust his heart after all. His heart was a mess and he didn’t know how to untangle it because the only person he could remember having a heart for was the one person he couldn’t find.
Until now.
When a shadow passed over him as he sat on a bench at the train station the moment dusk hit the skies, he glanced up from his sock-covered feet on the ground to the shoes that lay haphazardly next to them, then gradually up the body of the person who he just knew would have all the answers to the empty chasm and the jumbled chaos that clouded over in his mind.
In her eyes, he searched with everything he had for the love that he’d been missing and couldn’t seem to find anywhere. Maybe this was it; maybe she was still it.
Her eyes, in return, stared back at him, wide and with a gaping mouth like she couldn’t believe her name was being called from the former best friend she hadn’t seen in years.
And for Oikawa, everything clicked the moment he tasted that name on his lips.
“Mio.”
–––––
part two.
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forcebewitht · 3 years
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Force's Disney Geek Master Theory: Why Twisted Wonderland Is Called Twisted Wonderland
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We have all grown to know and love various Disney characters over the years, correct? Yet, I believe a lot of us can argue that not many characters have the same effect on us even as adults today as the Villains do within their respective movies. In the game Disney: Twisted Wonderland as we all know and love, the select boys to Overblot are supposed to have the "souls" of their Villain counterparts, right? But...why is it called "Twisted" Wonderland, then? The truth may lie within something that has been right in front of us all along, my friends: the meaning of a mirror. Ready to buckle in for this one? If so, then here we go!
We have seen all of these guys share character traits, looks, etc with their Disney counterparts, correct? Well, what if I were to tell you that things in terms of the "main" guys that we are supposed to pay attention to aren't exactly what they seem? This could be analyzed in a few different ways, honestly, yet the most prominent way is this: the differences in their personalities- they are reversed. Let us take this bit by bit, shall we?
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Ah, yes. The Queen Of Hearts. The ranting, raging, bundle of red, black, and gold we all know and love. (or else heads would roll, I'm sure) One of the things that everybody knows about her is that she's extremely hellbent on the crazy rules that she makes up and is prone to anger honestly very easily. Yeah, you can connect that to Riddle- but think about it for a second. While that rage and the rule thing is still there, it isn't as prominent with him as it was with her, is it? With the Queen of Hearts, her whole "issue" was that she wished to make everybody listen to her and follow her every command- but Riddle was essentially always following the rules of another- not his own. This seemed to make Riddle a little more calm most of the time in terms of how he handled and oversaw things. It wasn't until he actually Overblotted that the "listen to me and only me" thing came out- buuuuuuttttttt I'll get to that part in a bit.
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Next: Leona and Scar. While we honestly didn't get to see a lot of what went on behind the scenes in the Outlands in terms of how Scar even met the hyenas to begin with at all, one thing can honestly be said- Scar worked very hard to get where he was. I mean, it's not like you can get an entire pack of rabid, hungry hyenas onto your side in the course of a single day, or maybe even a week (especially as a lion, no less). No, something to that extreme takes careful planning, wording, and stringing along to ensure that nothing goes wrong along the way. The way Scar spoke to Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed made it seem as though he had known them for a looooonngggg time before this- that's where that behind the scenes planning comes in. And then...you have Leona. Leona, from what we can tell in Chapter 2, planned the idea for the "endgame" alright- but he didn't actually act upon any of the plan for himself. Ruggie did. Even in the Lion King, we see that Scar had no problems whatsoever getting his paws dirty a little within his own scheme to take his "rightful place" at the head of Pride Rock- but Leona quite honestly did not a thing once Ruggie was in motion. See where this is starting to head?
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Azul and Ursula. Ursula, the Disney baddie queen of my heart Ursula, the Sea Witch. She was known all around the ocean floor for helping out poor little merfolk in secret, wasn't she? Yet, nobody ever really seemed to catch wind of the whole "her turning those who didn't quite fit the bill into polyps" thing, did they? That was one of the things that made her such a honest threat to Ariel herself- because Ursula was cunning. She did things behind the scenes, and sure- we could catch onto it out in the audience (annnddd maybe Sebastian and Flounder as well), but nobody else really seemed to, right? Azul is the complete opposite in this standpoint. He instills direct fear into his "workers" and those even beyond and within his dorm. Like- basically most knew that this dude was bad news to begin with. Azul, mostly, seemed to hide his cunning facade behind a fake yet still seemingly "soft and genuine" smile and act. But all in all, he didn't really attempt to "hide" anything- hell, he even proclaimed his entire plan of what everyone with those things on their heads were gonna do for him in the open! At least when Ursula sang as Vanessa, she was in an almost perfectly enclosed room with nobody else around.
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Jamil and Jafar. This comparison here, given what occurs in the movie Aladdin, is honestly one of the biggest possible indicators of this reoccuring theme I shall clarify in a bit. Jafar, while being sneaky, was known for being a more "out there" Disney Villain in terms of his personality alongside that of his partner Iago in the film. He would smile in a sinister way, he would crack jokes out in the open, and let us not forget his crazed yet oddly interesting laughter. Jamil? He's the exact opposite. Given his past and what he has had to dealt with growing up with Kalim, he is much more reserved and barely releases a chuckle or cracks a smile at all. His personality is a lot more repressed than that of Jafar himself throughout the film. Jamil has been so used to having to hold himself back thanks to his parents in favor of Kalim's family, he doesn't seem to know how to "let go" whatsoever. Yet Jafar, while still maintaining that sneaky side of him as well, has no problems whatsoever letting a little hang loose whenever he so chooses to.
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Vil and the Evil Queen. This one honestly may be a bit more self explanatory than the others- but the difference between these two is their expressions of themselves. The Evil Queen was the very first animated counted Disney Villain within Disney's history- yet, she barely had any lines throughout the film at all. Her ranges of expression were almost little to none thanks to the era in which the movie was released in- but she always looked like she was pissed, huh? Vil is the exact opposite of her in this sense. He is able to fully express himself through his various facial expressions, theatrical abilities, musical experiences, fashion style, and even how he behaves. Vil is able to do so much more than the Evil Queen did or could do within that time period, that it's almost a little staggering if you fully picture it.
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Idia and Hades. Now, now. We haven't honestly seen too much of the flaming blue boy yet in TWST, but one thing is apparent here right off the bat- in terms of his personality? He is the exact opposite of Hades. Idia is much like Jamil but to a more "geek" degree- he's extremely introverted, shy, a bit snippy, yet mainly keeps to himself and his gaming tech. Hades is most often renowned as the Disney Villain with the most personality- and the best humor. Hades has no problem whatsoever being "out there" with his crazy puns, sassy remarks, anger, and even mocking behavior. I mean, please, guys- I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat!
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Finally, Malleus and Maleficent. Ooooohoooooooo boy. We have to count out the live action movie Maleficent for this one (sorry horned queen fans). One thing that basically everybody even with their toe in the water in that of Disney movies kind of knows this fact- Maleficent is c r u el. She's got a bizarre set of dark powers and an even blacker heart than that. Hell, we basically had to "soften her up" a little bit in Maleficent thanks to just how seemingly irredeemable her character is in that of Sleeping Beauty. I mean, c'mon now- cursing an infant? And we get no explanation for that in the original? C'mon, now. Anyways, Malleus? As we all can tell by now, this dude is the compleeettteeeeeee opposite. Sure, he has those repressed bits here and there too, but it is evident that this dude has a heart crying out for the MC and it is big, bold, and golden to the core once you look past how he looks. He sent the MC a card for winter break, for crying out loud. Yeah, let me know the next time you see Maleficent do that smh.
Now, I have avoided using a certain word up until this point to see if anybody could catch on to what exactly is happening here. Did you figure it out? Reverse. The boys that either have Overblotted already or intend to Overblot soon stop holding out on us, Chapter 6 have had the exact opposite personalities compared to that of their Villain counterpart- until one prime point in their "character arcs". Their Overblot.
Riddle wished to have all bow before him and obey his rules.
Leona led his entire dorm into ruin and nearly sanded away the entire school in the process.
Azul let himself finally free of his personal shackles entirely and "took what was his".
Jamil finally let himself go and opened up more in his personality, almost seeming to be driven insane in the process.
Vil wanted to become the most beautiful one of all and would kill anyone within the way of that goal without any hesitation whatsoever.
The moment that the boys' Overblotted, that was the exact moment when the "soul" of their Disney Villain counterpart took control. Keeping that idea in mind, that should mean that this will happen in the upcoming chapters and their Overblots:
Idia will show off all of the personality, powers, and intelligence that he has been keeping down within this introverted self of his.
Malleus will become so broken by being left out and alone in the cold for the final time that he will turn into a completely cruel Fae and possibly nearly kill either the MC or the representation of Prince Philip within that Chapter in the process.
(Hello, my dear Readers! Guess who is trying to get back into her bigger pieces of writing? This gal right here~ feel free to drop a comment and tell me what you think of this theory- I'd love to hear your thoughts! 💕)
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anotheranimewriter · 3 years
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Past to Present
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Request: Hello, can I request ex bf ran when he was in high school with a fem reader that is now dating bonten sanzu pleaseee.
CW: Spoilers Bonten timeline, cursing, and uhhh a little angst and possessive claims from Sanzu..
Italics are flashbacks. This is also super long, but anyways, I hope you all enjoy it!
“So remind me. Why aren’t we going to our regular bar?” Ran asked in a rather bored tone, at this point in time he didn’t really care where they were going as long as a drink was promised. He wanted nothing more than to drown in exhaustion down a bottle of bourbon. “Cause this bar is a bit special, got a cutie who works at the bar.” Sanzu replied cheerily in a sing song voice, automatically setting Ran’s high radar off, forcing a groan to leave his lips, because he knew if Sanzu was off his shit, so would his brother, and one idiot was already too much to babysit but the two of them together was nothing short of a disaster waiting to happen.
“C’mon Ran, I just want to know what this ‘special’ girl looks like.. Don't be a killjoy.” Rindo chimed in as they all continued walking down the crowded streets filled with the many different nightlife characters. “We’re here!” Sanzu yelled, halting in front of a rather nice looking bar “Ahh, so this is why you told us to keep our suits on.” Takeomi noted flicking his cigarette onto the street, as Sanzu nodded before swinging the door open to the bar with all the Bonten men following in pursuit.
Walking towards the bar the men sat down beside one another as Sanzu leaned over the bar looking for his ‘Special’ girl, but to avail as he sunk back into the bar stool with a slight pout on his lips as he folded his arms with a slight ‘Hmph’ slipping from his lips “Where is she?” He mumbled to himself trying to rack his brain onto the different areas she could've been and just as he was going to open his mouth to ask one of the other girls there were a pair of soft hands over his eyes “Guess who?” She asked, and as those words hit Ran’s ears he felt a deep sense of longing grown in him.
“Guess who?” She whispered in Ran’s ear as he chuckled, bringing his hands up to her gently pulling them down as he turned to face her with a smirk, as she pouted “Ran! You're no fun! You’re supposed to guess.” She said, rolling her eyes as he wrapped his arms around her waist “Well I could have guessed.. But what if I guessed wrong?” He teased as she gasped “Mr. Haitani, don't tell me you're seeing other young ladies.” She taunted as he let out a soft chuckle “Well lucky for you (Y/N)-chan, no other girl could ever compare to you.” He replied bending down to place a kiss on her forehead as she let out a sigh looking to the side of him as he smirked. Ran knew exactly what she wanted, and he enjoyed teasing her until she was nearly pleading for the display of affection, and just as he was going to cave in and give her what she wanted the school bell had rung loudly above them.
She leaned forward placing a quick kiss on his lips catching him off guard before she turned away from him waving her ‘goodbye’ to him “Must you always be such a good girl?” He called out with a smirk as he watched her walk away from him “Hmm and here I thought that's what you liked about me Haitani.” She replied before turning down the corner and out of his view. Ran knew that she had him wrapped around her finger, and even though he was one of the ruthless brothers of Roppongi, that never mattered to her nor did it change how she viewed him to her he was Ran Haitani, the boy that had stolen her heart, the boy that made her heart jump and took her breath away and for Ran that was enough. She was all he needed, and he couldn't imagine having someone else, all he needed was his brother and her.
But sadly for them, their happiness would not last that long, it was their official 1 year anniversary of their relationship when things took a turn for the worse. Ran and Rindo had gotten into a street brawl with a few others, they were defending their streets of Roppongi and their reputation, with a manic smirk Ran looked over to his brother who returned his expression as they took out the trash. Just as Ran wiped the blood from his chin he took out his phone to check if he had any notifications, and once the light turned on he raised an eyebrow at all the messages and calls he had missed from (Y/N). “Shit.” He mumbled to himself as he looked towards his brother who simply nodded as a signal to let Ran know he would do the dirty work.
Making his way to her home through the dark back streets and as he neared her house he saw her sitting on her stoop with a sweater wrapped around her “(Y/N). I’m sorry I’m late.” Ran said walking towards her on the porch as she shook her head “You’re sorry? You're late? Ran, where were you?” She asked as Ran stopped and stood in front of her giving her a bored expression “I had to defend me and my brother's honor.” He replied calmly as she let out a dry laugh “Now let me ask you another question. What's today Ran?” She asked, finally meeting his eyes as he took quick notice of the tear stains running along her face.
He stood there trying to rack his brain to see if he could figure out what exactly was so important that she would be crying on her porch, and just as he was going to open his mouth she quickly laughed hysterically “You don't even know do you?” She questioned as Ran stood there with his same stoic facial expression as her body began to shake “Let me bandage you put one last time Ran.” She sighed softly as he shook his head “Why is today so important to you?” He asked wanting to know what exactly was going on. “Today wasn’t just important to me… well I mean now I guess it was.” She mumbled to herself as she looked over at Ran once more “We’ve been together for a year, starting today Ran.” She said, with no anger in her voice, only pure hurt.
“Oh, well then I do apologize for being late.” He replied nonchalantly, he knew he screwed up but he also saw from her body language there was no turning back. There had been nothing but signs over the past weeks, signs of their equal distances, their detachment, but he only took it as her understanding his duties to his brother and those who served under them, he would've never guessed that she was preparing herself for his own defeat. He walked up to her porch slowly as she walked into her home, closing the door behind him and once the door was shut no words were shared between the two of them. It was the last night Ran knew true happiness and love, and he ripped it away from himself with his neglect.
“(Y/N)?” Sanzu teased as he spun in his bar stool grabbing her waist as she laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck as he smiled, kissing her neck as he pulled her closer to him. Once Ran had heard that laugh, all their memories poured in like a movie, it was their movie, young and in love, happy and short lived. “Guys, this is my special girl. (Y/N) these are my co-workers.” Sanzu said turning to face everyone as she was forced to shift with him due to his tight embrace, she smiled at all of the men giving them a slight wave but she felt her body tense up when she was met with a familiar set of eyes “Whoa, you okay there doll? Sanzu asked, rubbing her hips softly as she let out a nervous chuckle “Yeah, I’m okay. I should get ready for my shift.” She replied calmly, turning her face to kiss his cheek before walking into the back.
“So your special girl? She's one of your little playthings Sanzu?” Kakucho asked as he rested his elbow against the bar as Sanzu snickered at the accusation “Nah, I dropped all of those cheap things, she’s my girlfriend. My one and only.” Sanzu replied in his once again cheery sing-song voice as the guys shook their heads in pure disbelief. Rindo lightly patted his brother’s back because he knew the multitude of thoughts running through Ran’s head were not good, because before Ran was the girl he let get away, and she got away into the arms of a ruthless murderer, who he has to look at nearly everyday.
“First rounds on me, boys. So order up.” She said returning from the back with a small apron wrapped around her waist as the boys cheered at the bar placing their orders “Are you on the menu miss?” Sanzu teased as she winked at him “Only after hours cutie.” She replied before walking away to prepare the boys drinks. As Ran turned to Sanzu he couldn't help but feel the pull in his chest as he took note of Sanzu’s eyes, those same eyes Ran once looked at her with, the eyes of love. Only for Ran it was a love he had lost and Sanzu had gained.
“Still drink Bourbon?” (Y/N) asked placing the best glass in front of Ran as he stared at her in confusion, she let out a soft sigh before leaning over the bar to be at ear level. “Sometimes, the things the people you loved, loved, just stick with you.” She whispered as she backed away from him to give his brother a hug, causing Ran to look over at Sanzu who didn’t wear the best reaction but he was necessarily surprised towards her actions with the Haitani brothers. “Rindo told me. He told me the minute I locked eyes with her at the shopping center, and even knowing what I did, I couldn’t stop myself.
I had to understand how the great Ran Haitani could just walk away from a woman like her, and as the simple importu late night visits became late night dates, which led to actual dates, I couldn’t wrap my head around it.” Sanzu commented slowly, circling his finger around the rim of his glass “But now that I have her, I don’t care to know. She’s mine now Haitani, and even though I have a small ounce of respect for you, I will not hesitate to put a bullet through your skull if you get out of line.” Sanzu finished not once raising his voice to cause any alarm between the men, but she knew something was off as she placed her hand over Sanzu’s, and without any words spoken he immediately understood her stance as he flipped their hands over to raise her side to his lips placing a soft kiss on her skin.
“I’m behaving princess.” He said winking at her as she raised an eyebrow to scowl him but decided against it as she carefully removed her hand to attend to the others at the bar. Ran looked between her and Sanzu during their little interaction and he couldn’t help but feel the sting in his chest, as he knew once upon a time it was him giving her that look, and no one else, just her and him. But now it seems like it was nothing short of a dream.
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Reckoning
Breach Masterlist
Warnings: non/dubcon sex (series), general angst, violence, death, trauma.
This is dark!Winter Soldier/Bucky and explicit. 18+ only.
Note: Promise I’ll update the masterlist today but here we are, we’re finally at the end. We’re saying goodbye to Bucky, Luka, and reader in this one. We’ve come a far way. This was one of the first series I started on here. It started as a one shot about the asset being the scariest but you guys turned it into something more, so thank you. (also that’s three endings in less than a week :))
I won’t demand but do ask for feedback; likes, reblogs, replies, comments, asks, especially on this series, but again, enjoy in your own way! <3 Love you!
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You played with the leather strap around your thigh as you sat in the rattly train car. The freight was much like the one that saw you away from your prison so long ago and the same man sat with you, huddled behind the metal barrels and wooden crates. 
Your eyes rolled inside their lids as you thought of your son and his innocent voice as he sang his goodbye to you. Luka didn’t know you might not come back. It broke your heart to think you might not but you couldn’t let James face Hydra alone. He hadn’t let you.
Your hand settled over the gun strapped to your leg, another holstered against your chest beneath your jacket. There was a knife at your ankle and another at your belt. You were ready but you weren’t. How could you ever be ready for any of this?
“We’re almost there,” James whispered as he shifted beside you, “you alright?”
“Yeah, I…” you opened your eyes and tore your hand away from the gun, “ready.”
He nodded and got up to his feet, squatting behind the cargo as he pulled you up into a similar crouch. He checked your weapons then his own. He looked at you again and his lips thinned into an anxious line.
“Are you ready?” you asked.
“I have to be,” he answered and reached out to caress your cheek. You leaned into his hand then pulled him to you to peck his lips. He always seemed so meek when you touched him but he was softening.
“We are ready, James,” you assured him as much as yourself, “for Luka, we have to be.”
“You follow my lead. You can’t hesitate, understand?”
“I know,” you said, “I won’t. Those men, what they did to you… to us, they can never have our son. Never.”
“Never,” he echoed and turned. 
He kept low as he crept around the boxes and you followed. He unhooked the door and let it slide open with a loud grind. He reached back until you grabbed onto his arm and he stared at the moving ground.
“Up ahead, the bushes. You first, I’ll be right after you,” he said.
“I remember,” you said, “I know where we are.”
He looked at you and you let out a breath as you readied for your jump, “I lived close to here… with my mother.”
“Oh,” he uttered and went quiet.
“Come on,” you stood but kept hunched as you prepared to roll on impact, “this is about ending the past, not reliving it.”
He counted down and you leapt as the bushes thickened. You landed and rolled through the branches and dingy leaves. You heard him thumped down not far from you as you gulped the air. He was up before you and came to stand over you and offered his hand to get you to your feet. Despite it all, you barely felt the crash to earth.
“So you know where we are,” he said, “so you know where we go first.”
You pushed your shoulders back and sniffed. You said nothing and marched past him. He ran to catch up to you and you walked into the thin skeletal line of trees. He fixed the long bag on his back that held his rifle as his boots crushed the twigs and stones.
“Are you sure you’re--”
“What do we need from there?” you asked, “we get it and we go on.”
“Anything that’s left,” he replied.
You kept on, the terrain turning uneven and soon you were in the rocky passes that brought back bloody memories. That night with Luka in your arms as you walked in the boots of a deadman. You shuddered and kept on. You unholstered your gun as you got closer and James caught your shoulder before you could outpace him.
“I take the lead,” he warned, “you gotta slow down. You can’t just run in there and--”
“If there are any left, I will put them all down,” you swore as your hand shook, “you can’t understand. I have anger in my veins like none I’ve known before.”
He stared at you a moment and thoughts drew his brows together. His lips parted before he found the words, “and what else do you feel?”
“Certain,” you said, “that this will be over soon.”
He lowered his chin and puffed, his breath forming a cloud in the chill air, “this post is abandoned. They couldn’t have stayed after what happened but you stay alert and you point your gun at anything that moves.”
You nodded and he patted your arm. He turned and took the path ahead of you, the trail thinning out the further you got into the low mountains. As you approached the metal doors, he slowed and aimed his gun at the facade of the hidden compound. Rocks clattered beneath his boots and you brought your own weapon up in nervous expectation.
The doors were slightly open and he kicked one open, quickly poking his muzzle inside. He waved you on and you continued down the concrete hallway. The place was cleaned out but the bloodstains remained, painted across the floors and walls.
He led you down the corridors and checked each room as you waited without, watching each end of the hallway as he cleared the place. The further you got, the more the forlorn nostalgia took over you. You felt off, you felt every drop of blood coursing through you and the hot fury mingled with helpless sadness. You felt entirely weak but so powerful
When you got to the heart of the structure, you stopped and watched as James hesitated in turn. He braced himself and went forward into the eerily familiar room. The computers were smashed and the rusty medical equipment littered the floor. The glass chamber they used to keep him in bore the destruction of his escape and he went to it and peered inside.
You flinched as he broke away the last of the glass with his metal fist and quickly retreated. He was shaking as he began to tear open the filing cabinets, the locks cracking at the force of his intrusion.
You walked along the wall and slowly faced the windowed room. The bed was still there and the sparse furniture of your former existence. Your mouth fell open as your eyes tingled with tears. Those early days when you waited, when you dreaded his visits, when you watched him through the glass and wished for death.
You winced as he came up beside you and gently touched your arm. You looked at him and flicked away the moisture in your eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said and his cheek twitched in pain, “I’m so sorry--”
“James, I know it wasn’t you,” you said, “I don’t cry because of you, it is because of them.” You took his hand and squeezed it, “did you find anything?”
“A few things but not what we’re looking for,” he said, “this place is abandoned. Whatever was left of… the experiment has moved.”
“And we know it will be where we’re headed?”
“Stark’s intelligence suggests it will be and… from what I can remember, it’s likely. Bigger than this place. They took me there in the early days.” He cleared his throat and looked around, “we’ll keep going until dawn. We will find somewhere close enough to rest and then…”
“And then we finish this,” you let go of his hand and moved past him, “James, I’m ready. I really am.”
After some hours in a half-burned hut, you were wired. You ate rations under the open roof before you set out again. You hadn’t slept much as you and James took turns on watch. You stretched and went out into the wild and winding paths.
You climbed the steep incline of and followed the crumbling trail. As you got higher, it got colder but you hardly felt it as adrenaline surged in your approach. You ducked down as you walked along a crooked ledge and hopped off to hide behind a tall stone outshoot.
You looked down at the monstrous gates of the compound. You laid flat as James fixed the scope on his rifle and peered through the lens. He bit his lip as he adjusted his sights before he pulled his eye away.
“I can get the guards but we have to be quick after.” He nodded behind you, “down there. Quick. Gun out and ready. I’ll be right behind you.”
“We can do this, James.”
He lined up his gun again and inhaled. He took his first shot, the noise muffled by the long silencer. Several others followed before he stood quickly and hung the gun from his shoulder. He pulled you up and you ran to the decline that led between the sharp walls of the mountain.
He was a few steps back as you made you way down the treacherous natural steps and slid down the last few. You slipped to your knees as voices sounded from the gates and James fired again.
You got up as he latched onto your elbow and continued forward. He reached to his belt and unhooked a grenade, throwing it at the gates as you ran behind him. You hung back as the metal gates shook with the blast and he directed you forward with two fingers.
As you reached the rent in the doors, he stopped and took two more shots. Men fell into the cold dirt and you raised your gun to take your first. You remembered all those hours of training though you never truly knew how useful they would be. It was always a precaution, always a what if, now it was your life or death.
You pulled the trigger and another man crumpled. You kept close to James and picked off the last few men outside the installation. A sudden siren began to whine as you neared the open doors and you could guess that one of the guards had fled inside to warn all those within.
James directed you inside and as you made your way down the corridor, you stopped at the end and listened. You couldn’t think of the hammering of your heart or the thought of the death at you fingertips. You could only think; left or right.
“We need to separate,” you said.
“No, you can’t--”
“This place is too big, I’ll slow you down and you’ll slow me,” you insisted, “I’ll go right.”
“No, we have to--”
“You showed me, James. I know what to do. I know what we need. We have our rendezvous. We know what happens if we do not get there.”
He shook his head and sighed. You heard footsteps.
“We have to go,” you said and before he could argue further, you raised your gun and ran around the corner.
The first man hit the wall after the bullet entered his chest, the second fell over him with your next shot, and the third slumped against the next corner. You heard James’ boots and his own shots as they flew in the other direction. You pressed on and reloaded before you took the next turn.
Your pulse filled your ears and kept you going. Everything felt so clear, so visible, so loud. You saw and heard it all. It was almost as if you knew what would happen before it did. You’d never felt this level of clarity.
You went deeper into the maze, bodies littered in your stead as others fled, those in white jackets, those like the men who’d tortured you. You followed them, they would lead you to what you needed.
A man surprised you as he lunged from a doorway. He slammed you into the wall and your gun fired into the ceiling. You kicked him and he grunted and you grabbed his arm as his hand stretched over your throat. Without pause, without thought, you twisted his arm and he screamed in agony as both his wrist and elbow snapped.
You shoved him away and finished the work with a bullet. You stared at his arm as the shock sunk in. How could you have done all that? It hadn’t felt like anything at all, like bending a toothpick.
You didn’t have time to linger as another appeared and you fired again. Warm blood spattered your front as your legs kept pushing through. You came to a large room but bullets preceded you. 
You peeked inside, James was already there. A flurry of men were engaged with him, those in camouflage and those in white. You downed two men before your gun was kicked from your hands. You grunted and ducked under a punch you didn’t even see was coming, you just knew. You reached to your belt and freed the long hunting knife.
The blade tore through the man's flesh like water. The sickly glide of the metal sickened you and the flood of warmth down our arm churned your stomach. You couldn’t stop, even as your fear rose, even as you realised the destruction you wrought.
Another man, this one broken by a kick that sent him into the wall. Your strength startled even you. You heard James and looked around. He was on his back, barely kicking away his attackers as he aimed desperately with his pistol. 
You broke through the wall of man, shoving them to the side so that they flew back into the machinery all around. You threw your knife at a man as he aimed at James and you wrenched back another and twisted his neck until it cracked. The third you broke over your knee.
You rolled away from them and freed the gun at your chest; one, two, three, four. They all fell dead at the pull of your trigger. James stared at you and sat up. He raised his gun as your own was too slow and you felt an arm around your neck, the pointed tip against your chin.
“Don’t,” the man warned as his white sleeve scratched at your throat, “she dies.”
James kept his aim steady as he got to his feet. The man choked you and pulled you a step back.
“Drop the gun,” he ordered in Russian. You gulped and tossed it down as the metal cut into your flesh just a little, “ah, always thought you would be back. Always expected it.”
“Let her go,” James said, “you can’t--”
“That is the problem, you see? The human emotion dampens the serum. We don’t need the mind, only the body--”
You were quick. You slid your hand up under the knife and fell to your knees, taking the man with you as the blade dug into your fingers. The shot knocked him off of you entirely and the knife fell free, your blood pouring down your hand. You sat back on your heels and reached for your gun with your uninjured hand.
“We get the files and get out,” James helped you up, “more will be coming.”
He drew you past the corpses and began to search the desk and cabinets. He took a black folder and you helped break open several of the computers to remove their hard drives. He packed it all into the compact pack on your back and zipped it up.
He shot past your head as more soldiers appeared. He nudged you forward and yelled, “come on.”
You raced away from the east wing and barrelled down the winding corridors, following the trail of bodies left by your entrance. You added several more to the floor until you reached the front door. Gunfire followed your departure, met only in defensive retreat.
You carried on past the gate and into the rocky impasse. A sudden blast shook the ground and James caught your arm and urged you on. You didn’t look back as the shots faded into thundering booms and bangs.
You kept on until you couldn’t hear the carnage, until it was silent but for the whistling of the mountain air, until the adrenaline was gone and your hand seared with pain, the rest of the unnoticed aches rising to the surface. 
James stopped you and pulled you into a dark cave. He fished out his flashlight and little up the stony walls as he led you further inside. He pushed his head back and took a breath and he let the flashlight rest on its side and cast a plume over the dark space.
“We have to bandage your hand before we press on,” he said, “we get to the bottom at nightfall and keep going.”
“What was that?” you asked as he pulled out his aid kit from his pocket.
“My orders were to burn that place to the ground,” he said, “lucky the blast didn’t take the whole mountain down.”
He took your hand and wiped your fingers clean before he wrapped them in gauze. You were silent throughout as your heart slowed and you had a moment to think.
“James, what--” you blinked and looked down as he moved around you to unzip your bag, “I’m not mad. What was that?”
“No, you’re not,” he said as he pulled the folder out of the bag and went back around you, “it’s why we need to burn these.”
“What is it?” you asked.
He handed it over silently and retrieved his flashlight. He held it over the folder as you opened it. Your picture was at the front of the pile of papers, several signed by Ilyich, detailing the progression of your pregnancy. There were several explaining how the growth of the enhanced fetus affected the carrier. How the serum seemed to have molded with the DNA of the subject.
You looked up at James and frowned. It couldn’t be. 
“You never noticed before and I never wanted to make you,” he admitted, “I thought you would hate to be like me and that would be just another thing I did to you.”
“James…”
“I know, it was the soldier but it still feels like me,” he took the folder from you and closed it. “So I will keep you from one misery in this life. We destroy this now and when we reach the rendezvous, I delete any of that from those hard drives.”
“What do you--”
“We’re going back to Luka,” he said, “they can’t know because they will want to know more. They will want to try it again. Doesn’t matter if it’s Hydra or Stark.”
You nodded and he dug out his lighter. He lit the first page and watched it wilt into ash. You sat on a flat rock and rubbed your gloved hands together. You watched him burn the file a sheet at a time.
“I was reading about Canada. There was a program on the TV Luka was watching,” you said as added the last page and he stood, “what do you think? A nice little house for us. I hear it snows there. I love the snow.”
He clapped off his hands and reached for you. He drew you up and zipped your jacket up to your chin. He framed your face and smiled down at you in the glow of the flashlight hooked on his hip, “If you’ll be there, it sounds wonderful.”
✰✰✰
END
Thank you again for all your patience and support with this series. I’m sad but happy to be done. Let’s all imagine Luka getting to sled with Bucky up in the Great North and be at peace.
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bakugohoex · 3 years
Text
“i want you to have me...all of me”
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pairing: hitoshi shinso x female reader
cw: virgin!reader fluff, porn with a plot, nsfw (MINORS DNI! loss of virginity, corruption kink, dacryphilia, kissing, fingering, spit kink, oral fixiation, creampie, consensual sex, protected sex, nipple play, nipple sucking, jaw grabbing, praise kink, degradation, bondage by capturing weapon, biting and marking, hair pulling, cunt slap)
word count: 5300+
a/n: i haven’t posted in a week cause of revising but yeah this is for a collab and i have one more collab event going on so yeah from now to the 21st they’ll only be this fic and another fic coming out, enjoy.
other information: corrupt a virgin collab by @seita
summary: in which shinso finally takes the next step with his sidekick after being unable to confess he finally works up the courage finding out your own secret as you both decide to take the next step in your newfound relationship
↞ back to my hero academia masterlist
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He couldn’t help but stare at you, stare at how pretty you looked on his arm, you were more than just your looks though. The way you silenced a room with your quirk, the way you were able to easily fit into any conversation and the way you always eagerly spoke to the pro hero.
It had been a long night of mingling at the event for pro heroes that Shinso almost forgot the real purpose of it. It wasn’t like the two of you were dating, you were his sidekick and that was it, you had a powerful quirk that would get you far in the hero society. But most of all you were so damn innocent.
Your lingering eyes on his form as he entered the agency, the way you’d give him those tender looks whenever he explained the day's tasks. He couldn’t help but stare at you from a distance, the way you spoke calmly to the other side kicks. He had brought you along to the event more for his own benefit than what he had told you the day prior. Words of getting you to talk to other pro heroes when in reality he had just wanted you on his arm for the night.
The stupid purple dress that clinged to your body had made him unable to resist the temptation. You looked too good to be left alone, so as he remained at your side, introducing you to other pro heroes, Midoriya and Todoroki both smiling happily at you. You seemed to easily converse with the two pro heroes even speaking to the rowdy Bakugo as he arrived with drinks for the three of them. Midoriya offered his to you which you had happily taken, Shinso didn’t need to worry, of course he didn’t.
But another feeling had taken over him as he watched you converse, watched you happily take the drink. Fingers brushing against Midoriya’s fingers, a feeling of an unknown jealousy that made him begin the walk towards the four of you.
His arm moved to your back as you gave a sweet disgusting smile at him, “haven’t been getting into any trouble, have you?”
“No…of course not,” you stifled as he smirked looking down at you.
“We should get going,” he led you away as his hand remained on your back, he turned to meet the three men who watched you leave. A sickly smirk on his face as he couldn’t help but feel a burst of energy hit him as he talked to you.
You were too perfect for him to not resist, for him to not touch. “it’s so early though Shinso.” You whined as he didn’t meet your gaze, you were nothing more than his sidekick, you have no feelings for him, he could tell from the way your gaze lingered back at the hall. “We sh…”
“We have an early morning,” he interrupted as you closed your mouth, your proposition to spend more time with him seemed to have gone over his head as he began stepping down the steps towards the car park.
You hated how cold he could get in a matter of seconds, how every time you’d see him smile and it would turn into a scowl once he realised what he was doing. On many occasions your friends at work had told you about the many occasions of when Shinso would get pissed off and the whole agency would become annoyed as well.
Shinso watched as you hadn’t followed him as you looked up at the night sky, thinking – most likely about how much you wanted to be nowhere near the man. His dull eyes focused on you as he saw you take the steps towards him cautiously. You were too pure, too vulnerable for him to ever have, and as he kept you at an arm’s length he knew tomorrow was already doomed to be an uneasy day.
Shinso had dropped you off to your apartment without a world, he watched you enter the complex before leaving. He was about to drive off when he banged his hand against the steering wheel, if only he had confessed, the event was supposed to be the alone time he had wanted with you. But his insecurities and nerves had gotten in the way, as he banged his head against the wheel he couldn’t help but feel almost pathetic.
He had gotten over the torment of his quirk being villainous years ago but now with someone so filled with a painting vitality that was unknown to him he couldn’t handle it. What was even worse was the way you banged your head against the door. You could’ve said something more, reassured him, asked to spend more time. But you had remained frozen even in the car ride, your gaze on the wisps of black and everlasting speckles of white shine through the mist.
Both of you remained tormented by your overthinking as neither realised the feeling that was ready to explode tomorrow.
You walked into the agency bright and early as you were met with one of your friends, Mai grabbed your hand as soon as she saw you. Taking you to where some of the offices were and most of all where Shinso’s own office sat, the glass separating everybody from him. As you looked through the transparent material, “what’s happening?”
“He’s been in his office just staring outside of the window for the past two hours,” your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Okay and why doesn’t someone just go and ask if he’s okay?” You questioned as you were about to step forward and go yourself.
That’s when the feeling of multiple arms stopped you in your tracks, “listen newbie, there’s one rule you have to follow here and that is to never go into his office without him asking.”
You chuckled at how stupid they were all being, “what’s the worst that’ll happen?”
“You don’t want to know?” One of the sidekicks said as he shivered.
You raised an eyebrow giving an unamused look as you barged past the hands, they looked at you hesitantly but didn’t stop you, “newbies gonna learn the hard way.” One of the sidekicks said as Mai elbowed them watching what was to occur.
You knocked on the glass as you didn’t hear a response but still walked in, “Shin…”
Half way through your speech you felt his capturing weapon wrap around your body as he turned the chair, his eyes widened as he saw you caught in it. He let go in a matter of seconds, but eyes remained still as he looked at how you still gave a toothy smile. “I…I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, I got warned so it's my fault…” you trailed off as he began to unwrap the cloth off of you. The image ingrained of you wrapped in it as he was able to fuck into you, shaking his head as he put it back around his neck. “…is everything okay?”
“Yeah…” Shinso looked outside seeing how people seemed to be doing everything but their jobs. He stepped past you going to the glass as he opened the door, “don’t you all have patrols to go too?”
His eyes flashes into a haze as everybody seems to scurry to grab their things for patrols as they leave the building. “Come on…” he murmured as he began walking out of the building, if he was going to go on a patrol he was going with you,
He had spent too long of a time without you that if he wasn’t going to confess today then he’d forget about you. He was giving himself today, he had to do it, he was a Pro Hero, he had everything he had wanted. His dream was a success  but your arrival had made him want you and now with you so close in his grasp he had to try at least.
His eyes flashed to the way you walked beside him, you seemed tense, quiet even. Your hero costume ordaining you perfectly, the whites and lilacs making the pure vessel you had ready to be tainted. He licked his lips as he fingers went through his hair, the Artificial Voice Cord around his mouth.
You always loved the way it worked, having heard Shinso speak about it when you had first arrived. It was interesting and the start of what you would call a friendship when you had asked to see how it worked. “Your staring Y/n,” he said, “focus on the civilians.”
You nodded as you looked back to the surrounding areas, it seemed like villain attacks were on a low at the time, even with petty crime it was easily handled by the both of you. You wanted to speak about last night, how he seemed to want to confess of something but instead the silence and awkwardness that occurred instead.
“Shinso…is something wrong?” You murmured as you both walked passed an alleyway.
He looked down at your face, the way your hero costume clinged to every part of your body. He had no idea how you didn’t get cold from wearing it especially when winter occurred. But your question made him think instead, he was only irritated this morning due to not confessing to you.
But his liking of you stemmed from more than just wanting to ruin the purity you had, he liked how you spoke to others, how you easily became friends with the other sidekicks, how you looked was an added bonus. But most of all he liked that stupid goddamn smile you’d have whenever you saw something you liked. And at that moment Shinso was seeing that stupid smile, the way your eyes crinkled, and lines formed as your lips were full and cheeks pushed to show even more of your smile.
He stared at you, the way you continued to look up and smile at him he was silent, and you didn’t care because he finally looked at peace. The startling noise of an ice cream van to the side had made you focus away from him, the way you stared at the kids holding their ice cream as it dripped to the side of their fingers. “Come on, I’ll get us one,” Shinso didn’t let you answer, instead taking your sleeve as you both went towards the truck.
He was avoiding the matter at hand, he hated how he couldn’t be his normal blunt self, he was able to talk to people. He knew he was that’s how he had made friends when he had finally joined the hero course. But as he looked over at you, the way you looked at the different ice creams before pointing at the one you wanted…you were someone who wouldn’t glance at him twice.
As he passed the ice cream to you, you took a lick of it as you looked at him take his own. He didn’t even know if you knew what you were doing, licking at the sides as he watched your tongue. He shook his hair trying not to stare but as you both continued the patrol of a less crime filled area. The ice cream dripped to the side of your hand and finger.
There was a silence as you both ate in silence, as you both turned to see the agency. Your fingers with the white dairy as you sucked on it, he couldn’t help but watch as each finger came out of your mouth with saliva sticking to it.
It was Denki who had got him out of the trance, stopping the both of you as he came from his own patrol, “Shinso,” the man looked at his friend as he gave a tired look.
“Oh Kaminari, what are you doing here?” He questioned as he watched his blond friend look down at you.
Denki already knew of you, having seen you last night but not spoken to you. He had seen Shinso’s lingered looks and had often heard the man speak fondly about you, “just passing by you must be the Y/n I’ve heard so much about.”
“You’ve heard about me,” you smile out, it wasn’t the same one you had given to Shinso but Shinso was able to witness you converse with his friend. How much he loved that about you, how whatever situation you were put in your ease to become friends with another pro hero.
Denki nodded as he looked back at Shinso, “all good things, you were right she is very pretty Shinso.”
Shinso glared at his friend as Denki chuckled, “I better leave before I get punched by lover boy.”
“Kaminari,” Shinso murmured as he just wanted his friend to leave. Denki left with a wave as you gave a confused look tilting your head to the side to look at Shinso.
“Pretty…”
“I…I…” Shinso knew it was now or never to confess. Knowing that the rest of his day would end up becoming busy with other sidekicks and scheduled meetings he had. He stopped you in your tracks as he looked down at you, your soft gaze staring up at him lightly.
“You are…You’re pretty…”
“Oh thanks, I don’t really see it, but I guess the quirk makes me look more pre…”
Shinso interrupted quickly, “No…no it’s not that. Fuck…” his hand went to the back of his neck as he didn’t dare look into your eyes, “I like you, okay? I don’t want to ruin anything though and you probably don’t like someone like me because of my quirk and…”
Your hand went to his cheek as you stopped his rambling, “you’re such an idiot.”
“If you’re going to reject me you could be n…”
You interrupted him once again, “I’m not, I like you too…you’re the first person I’ve ever…ever liked and I guess I’m not very good and showing my feelings…but I do like you too.”
He met your gaze as your hand remained on his cheek, he looked at you, how small you seemed. Your eyes flashed to his lips as he looked at you softly, “we can take things slow, whatever you want.”
Before you both could lean into one another, the sound of sidekicks coming through the corner made you both move apart from one another. An unnerving silence between the two as Mai came towards you, “let’s get some lunch Y/n.”
“Okay,” Shinso had been taken by some of his other sidekicks over an issue that occurred as you and Mai left on your break.
Giving one last look behind you as you looked at the man, he had a new glistening to him as he licked his lips. He was finally accomplished as he couldn’t wait to finally have you be his.
The day continued with Shinso being busy with the issue that occurred, you had barely seen him as you and Mai went on another patrol, both speaking about the events of the weekend. You spoke about the pro hero event you had been to and how nice the number one pro hero had been. A shocking surprise for Mai who seemed to feel intimidated by the green haired man. “I’m telling you he was so nice, like he offered me his drink.”
“Ugh I wish Shinso had invited me now, I want to meet him so badly,” you chuckled lightly as you both watched the sun begin to set. You could understand why he had invited you of all people last night now, how his stuttering of how pretty you had looked in the dress you wore for the event. It had all connected and all you could think about was the man.
When you both arrived back at the agency, an uneasy emptiness had settled, Shinso was missing alongside other sidekicks. You and Mai didn’t question it as you both grabbed your stuff to leave, just as you both stepped outside the doors, you saw Shinso pulling at his hair as he seemed angry about something, taking aggressive steps as he walked towards his office. You would have gone to see him if the pull of Mai didn’t stop you, instead taking the long walk back to your apartment instead.
Shinso had become pissed as soon as his sidekicks spoke of what occurred, having to spend the whole day sorting out their mess. He had finally come back to the agency after hours of running around the city. His mind had been on you and with you having already left and unfinished business occurring.
His mind was focused on just you, wanting to only see you, wanting to only have you. As he took his car keys, leaving the agency as quickly as he could, a few goodbyes here and there. There was only one thing on his mind, and it was you, corrupting you.
You had finally felt free after the confession this morning, lying on the sofa as you flicked through some shows. Shinso had been your first crush ever since you had first seen him when he was starting out. But for him to like you back, you felt like a kid. A worry settled through you, you were inexperienced, not even having had your first kiss let alone slept with someone.
Under the guise you had of wanting to seem pure, an unsettling urge to have Shinso in you had taken over you. The way his hero costume clung to his frame, his hands moving through the capturing weapon. The said capturing weapon wrapped around your wrists as he fucked your mouth, you couldn’t lie and say that even if Shinso had spoken of taking things slow all you wanted was him.
The sound of the door being knocked at made you jolt as you opened the door to see the man in question. He was still wearing his hero costume as he looked at you with a fiery lust, “I can’t wait,” he murmured.
His hands went to your neck as his finger brushed against your cheek, lips smashing against one another. You didn’t know what you were doing, instead hands moved to his hair as you followed his movement with your own. His tongue gliding through your mouth as it skimmed against your tongue, he heard your low moan as his other hand moved to your back making you arch into the kiss.
He let go as your faces stayed close to one another, the fury remained not subsiding. He looked at you with lust as his mouth moved to your neck, “I need you Y/n…please.”
A soft kiss placed against the crook of your neck as you leant your head backwards to allow him more access. You had been thinking of this for too long, wanting him but his edge as his fingers played with your shirt. Slipping under as his hand gripped your sides, feeling your skin under him.
“Shinso…” you whispered as his mouth continued to kiss at your neck, he looked up at you. A realisation flashed through him as he let go of you.
“I’m sorry Y/n…I shouldn’t have…I said we should take things slow and I…I…forgive me today has just been…” he had begun pacing around, as he went to close the door.
You didn’t know how to react, you wanted this, wanted to help him and as you interrupted him, your own lust took over, “I want you.”
He stopped in his tracks as he looked at your form eyeing you up and down as he moved towards you once again, “are you sure?”
“Yeah…” you looked down as you didn’t want to admit the truth.
“Y/n…” his hand moved to cup your face, forcing you to stare up at him as his lips were close enough for you to touch, to feel once again, “tell me properly that you want this.”
“I want this…it’s just…” he waited for the response giving you a tender look as you looked at him with a soft glow “…I’m a virgin.”
He always thought the persona you put on was a façade that someone capable of fighting any villain and talking to anyone would have had one-night stands. Especially with how pretty you were, everything about you was pretty from the way your hair sat to the way you spoke. Shinso’s quirk relied on people talking but whenever you spoke he felt more enchanted than any of the people influenced by the brainwashing.
“That means I can ruin you…myself.” He felt even more turned on as he watched you stare up at him, he pushed you back on the arm rest of the sofa. You sat on it as one of his legs spread your legs open, hands gripping your face, his thumb skimmed against your lips as he pushed it inside watching as you sucked at it. “You gonna let me ruin this pretty…” his thumb moved out of your mouth as he skimmed your saliva across your mouth and cheeks, watching the spit fall down.
“Yes…” you were breathing heavy as he smirked seeing how dazed you looked. Your face tainted in a matter of seconds, gripping your jaw with one hand as his other went under your shirt. He went under your bra as his finger moved to flick against your nipple.
The instant you moaned, mouth agape, the build of spit he had in his mouth was spat right into your tongue. You moaned as his finger continued to pinch at your nipple, the spit mixing with your own as Shinso was able to see the strings of saliva against your tongue and mouth. “You’re already doing good baby.”
The praise sent a flutter through your body as he noticed how your eyes glossed, “let's finish this in your room.” He gripped your thighs bringing your legs to wrap around his waist as your arms moved to his neck.
You kissed him as he could taste his own saliva and your spit mix between both of you, as he kicked the door open, seeing how your room reflected you perfectly. He put you on the bed as your mouths remained connected. Spit on the sides of your mouths as he saw how much you craved him, your hands moving to grab onto his capturing weapon.
He closed the bedroom door as he knelt on the bed, one knee between your own as he wanted to feel how wet you were. Taking the capturing weapon off of his neck, he watched as your eyes lingered onto it, putting it to the side where he could easily grab it. He kissed you softly, leaning down as your back hit the duvet.
“You sure you want to do this?” He whispered as his hand lingered across your shirt, his hand waiting to hear your response.
You nodded as he waited to hear you verbally say it, “I want you to have me...all of me.”
It was all he needed for his hand to lift your shirt above your head, the way your breasts sat in your bra, hard nipples from his fingers already having flicked against them. “I’ll make you feel so good, baby…make you scream for me.”
You moaned as his mouth sucked at your nipple, his fingers flicking against your other one, as his other hand moved to your joggers. Hand about to divulge into your underwear, your hand had moved to pull at Shinso’s hair as he continued to suck and nibble at your tit.
“Hi…Toshi”, at the sound of his name, his hand went into your underwear, feeling how wet you had gotten. His fingers beginning to play with your clit, feeling the nub between his fingers as your moans intoxicated the room. “M…more…please..” you arched your hips to feel his fingers against your slick filled clit.
The movement made Shinso stop sucking at you, he looked at you, how slutty you had become to feel even more of him. He took his hand out of your underwear as you whined to feel more of him, his fingers filled with your slick, “already wet…isn’t that slutty of you…” He watched as you tried to get passed his legs to feel some more but he put his fingers across your lips instead, “you want to taste yourself…open up.”
He was too close to your lips as just as you opened your mouth, he moved his fingers and sucked on them himself, “you took too long.” He teased as he sucked each finger forcing you to watch as your hands tried to get to his trousers, but his other hand had restrained both. “If you keep moving I’ll have to tie you up…or is that what you want?”
You both looked to the side where the capturing weapon was, he leant against you, the imprint of his cock through his trousers pressing against your clothed cunt. You rutted against him, he gave a groan at the movement against his cock as he took the capturing weapon, the carbon coil flicking between his hands as he grabbed your hands. His cock skimming past your cunt once more, as he put your hands above your head, using the cloth as it wrapped against your wrists, tightening it at each movement you made against him.
“You want to be tied up for me…if you’re going to act like a slut, I’ll treat you like one.” He watched how your chest became full and raised as you arched to feel more of him, he took his shirt off as he was left shirtless.
Your eyes filled with a hunger as he went down to kiss you, “reply to me or I won’t fuck you baby.”
“I…I want to be tied up…” you whispered acknowledging how turned on you had become just from his action.
“Good…” his hand moved to your underwear, going past it as his hand patted your cunt, “…girl”
Both his hands moved to pull your joggers down your form, pulling your underwear down simultaneously. He watched how flushed you had become from being exposed, “pretty virgin cunt baby.”
“Take it…” you murmured as your hands ruffled against the material.
He undid his belt as he looked at you softly, “I intend too,” fingers moving past your clit as two fingers divulged into your cunt. The feeling of your walls pushing against his fingers, “you touched yourself baby.”
“I…I…” as his fingers moved inside of your cunt, you moaned as he went further into you, “Y…yes…”
“Naughty girl aren’t you,” he watched you squirm, your legs twitching at the feeling of his thick fingers pumping back and forth into your wet cunt. “Want to cum? Want to cum on my fingers baby?”
“To…Toshi, ple…please let me…cum…” your mouth had widened, drool coming from the corners as you felt a coil in your stomach.
He pumped into you continuously, his fingers moving into the back of your cervix as he watched you twitch even more, “cum for me baby.”
“Toshi…” your loud scream of his name as the coil snapped the gush of cum being pushed back into you as his fingers continued to move past your first orgasm. “Wan…want your…” you didn’t have to finish the sentence, already knowing what you wanted as he watched his fingers were soaked in your cum. Stepping out of his trousers as he took his own boxers off, the imprint of cock made you lick your lips. He went into his pocket finding a condom as he looked down at you.
Cum dripping onto the bed sheets as your cunt looked plump and swollen, ready for him to take something no one else had even seen. Rolling the condom onto his cock, his fingers moved to your mouth, letting you have a taste of any cum that was left on his fingers. “You ready for this baby,” he whispered as his arms trapped your frame, he leant down to kiss you as you moaned a yes. “This is gonna hurt a little bit…”
His indigo hair damp as it rested against the back of his neck, he watched your hands squirm wanting to touch his hair as he moved one hand to unravel the capturing weapon. As soon as your wrists were free your hands went into his hair, pushing him to kiss you more, his cock moving past your clit and first orgasm.
“I want you…” you whispered as your faces were only a mere inch away from one another, he looked down at you as your eyes were filled with a different feeling. Not of a lust that you both had experienced, but a passion to finally become one.
His cock moved past your clit, he pressed into you slowly as he watched you moan, eyes watering. Wiping the tears with one hand, “you’re doing amazing baby, just a little bit more.”
His cock was half way into you as he began to thrust back out of you before going back in, your eyes watered even more at the feeling of his thick cock stretching your cunt out. “To…Toshi, I can…can take m…more,” he nodded as he pushed into you, his base finally meeting the entrance of your cunt as you moaned his name.
He began to thrust back and forth into you, going deeper into you at each thrust, your legs wrapped around his waist as his knelt feeling his cock go into your even more. His mouth went down to kiss you softly as saliva missed between one another once again, the feeling of his spit sticking to the corners of your mouth were prevalent as he continued to fuck into you. “Yo…you’re so fucking pretty baby,” he whispered as you he moaned into your ear.
The sounds of him groaning and moans of your name making you want to feel him forever, “To…Toshi please more….” His thrusts became quicker as he watched your eyes roll to the back of your head. Your hands limp around his neck as even your legs seemed to have fallen due to the impact of each thrust.
As you gained your high, eyes opening as you saw his form, the way his hair fell across his face, his perfect body and cock, but most of all the look of love he had for you as he met your eyes. “I want to...be with you,” you whispered into his ear, his form changed as his thrusts became even more sloppier, “Hitoshi…I…I love you…”
“I love you too Y/n…” the sound of his voice making the coil snap in your stomach, feeling the white gush out of you. Each sloppy thrust becoming even sloppier as you moaned his name at the feeling of your release. The use of your cum being used to help him get even more into you, “I fuckin…love you baby.”
His words repeated as he felt his own high, groaning your name out loud as the cum gushed into the condom. Sliding out of your cunt collapsed beside you, sweat across both your forms as you gave a tired look at him, the night sky reflecting from outside, the small lamp to the side illuminating the room as he turned to see. The way your chest rose, cum dripped down onto the bed and hands moved to move his hair away from his face, “I do love you Toshi.”
He took the condom off as he tied it letting it drop as he watched you move to rest against his chest, fingers against his lower abdomen. He smiled watching how your eyes became tired and began dropping down slowly, the feeling of his body against you remained.
Kissing the top of your head, he pulled the covers on top of you both as he watched you snuggle closer into him. Almost wrapping your body against him as he looked up at the sky seeing the wisps of new stars and new colours, looking down at your sleeping form and the new relationship that had formed.
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sugar-petals · 3 years
Text
#Scream For Me (m)
↳ PAIRING. sub!hyunjin x domme!reader
↳ SUMMARY. It’s his first time. You’re in charge. He lets loose. 
↳ WORDS. 3k
warnings ⚠️ spit play, fingering, blindfolds, ribbon bondage, handjobs, casual domination, oral (f receives), slow dick riding, as you can tell by the title he’s very loud, sloppy sex, choking, aftercare
♡ NOTE ➝ surprise surprise, writing for stray kids today! vocal hyunjin is domme candy👌
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“I’ll be very gentle,” you hook two fingers down the hem of his jeans. Hyunjin quickly nods: Both your attention lies on just how much his pants are bulging out already. As long as you stay focussed, surely this will be a calm first time for him— Well, we’ll see about that. In fact, if you already knew what is slumbering inside of him? You’d get fucking ready.
“Can I please touch you as well?”
He’s fumbling at your thighs, your dress, and you can feel his nervousness in the fingertips already.
“You can. But first— Mommy unwraps her present. You know how it goes.“
And it’s a big present, I’m telling you. So big, you have a hard time smoothly unzipping him in one go. And since his hips won’t hold still — God is he sensitive to touching, but hey, what’s not to like — undressing him takes some real maneuvering. It’s not easy to whip a 300 feet yacht out of some average harbor. 
“Do you like it?” 
“Uh-huh. Something I can work with right there.”
A bit of lube distributed in both hands, a deep breath, now you’re good to go. You give it a few pumps to accommodate Hyunjin to your touch. As expected: He’s not very stoic about it. Even though he’s fully reclined on your bed, and it couldn’t be any cozier, he bucks up.
“Ah!“
“Don’t worry. Just teasin’. Here,” you give him access to your dress by lifting it past your hip. His left hand finds its way past your underwear pretty fast. Guess who’s relieved by a distraction from his spike in arousal. Now that you think about it, he might like some casual handjobs in the daytime or while driving. During cuddles, maybe. 
How not to touch him all day. He’s all big and girthy, he reacts well. Your fingers fits perfectly around him, too. Hyunjin’s nice as fuck to hold and stroke. Not to mention lightning fast when it comes to reciprocating. He’s shy about a lot of things, and that’s because of having few experience, but not about being mutual. Green flag.
“So wet...”
“Just for you. Go ahead, take a dip.“
Hyunjin definitely looks like he’s having the time of his life just fingering you. Freestyle, no rules, no strategies. He delights in just pleasing you at every angle. Fuck, his hands are so nice. At one point, you resort to ripping off your panties altogether. Easier access. He gets even harder in your palm.
“Is that good?”
“That’s good, babe. Keep on circling.”
Those lips probably make for an even more unruly type of stimulation between your legs. If they’re only half as lawless, Jesus you’ll be spiralling already. They’re so nice and plump. Big cock, big lips, is there some sort of correlation? Anyway. Hyunjin feels like the type to eat pussy obsessively, so. But you think you have to be careful introducing him to it. Knowing him, he’d straight up suffocate himself on first try. Hwang Hyunjin, death by pussy.
“Can I try it with my lips as well, please?“
Fate has its way of doing things, huh. And he knows you’ve been looking at his lips, doesn’t he.
“I’ll only let you kiss and suck until I count to thirty. Wait, let me get on my back.”
“Okay!”
Switching spots lets you feel the warmth where Hyunjin just led his back. He doesn’t waste much time. One blink and he props up his lips at your entrance, waiting for instructions. Well shit.
“Keep it shallow,” you get a fistful of his hair. “Kiss, kiss. Like that. Move it just an inch upward. Don’t touch your cock, I still wanna ride it later. Lay flat on the bed. Put your hands around my thighs. 29, 28...“
At that prospect, he becomes even more obedient. His tongue doesn’t do a bad job at all. Oh wonder, he breathes just fine. First time eating you out: You get the impression that this guy has some serious talent there.
“Tastes really good. It’s all bubbly,“ Hyunjin smiles bright from ear to ear. You’ve just stopped counting by now.
“Ugh, fuck it. Just eat, eat.”
That goes on for almost five minutes, in fact. He licks and services you perfectly. That his lips feel ten times more sensual than they already look has your breath going much shorter and your grip in his hair much tighter. So much about making assumptions. And it makes sense, not having his cock stimulated has Hyunjin cooling down a little. Suspiciously so. 
When you were stroking him off, he’d go wild right along. Conclusion: Handjobs and Hyunjin are like pressing a red button. Eating pussy: Chill area. Noted. Complete slobbery wetness: Also noted. You wonder what that’s good for.
“Hyunjin, should we go for it now? I want you inside me. You’ll slip right in so nicely. I’ll take good care of you, you don’t have to be nervous.“
“Can we kiss while we do it?”
Nothing you’d love more. You lay Hyunjin just where he started out, get a soft black ribbon from the nightstand. As promised, you tie his arms above his head, not too tightly or anything. A simple bow tie keeps the whole thing together, making it easy to open. The loose ends dangle at the sides of his wrists, teasing his skin. Goosebumps. It all makes for a nice view of his arms, and his head is brought a little forward, it’s perfect to kiss. He’s practically on the verge of kissing without you moving your lips close to his.
Starting with a little peck on the forehead and nose, you make sure he feels well in his position and get a second black ribbon to tie his eyes. A bit tighter, just so it won’t come off when his head moves. The knot you place on the right side rather than the back of the head, it’d be uncomfortable against the pillow he’s rested on. Hyunjin gets more and more excited.
“I want you to just feel. Do you want me to start?”
 “Yes—,” he says. “And, do it slowly. I don’t want you to hurt yourself also.“
He’s so sweet. And he knows his dick is kinda massive. Too many first times ruined because of that. 
“Extra slow, Hyunjin. I’ll make this feel really great for us. Come, kiss me.”
Your tongues connect just when you get hold of him with your right hand. The touch has Hyunjin groaning into the kiss—
Pretty fucking strongly.
There he goes again. Your fingers, red button, the whole shebang. Little did you know he’d start whining even more the second you line him up between your pussy lips, and move his tip around a bit. Just to say hi to your clit, and to give yourself a good feel of what’s going in first. Hyunjin is literally falling apart below you already. He can barely keep it in. 
And you can’t keep it out: Finally, you point his cock tip between your labia, and his saliva is just perfect to help you glide it past the entrance. Hyunjin’s kisses are getting hungry and desperate, and even louder, with heavy breaths along the way. 
“Jesus Christ,” he’ll catch you mumbling, and you can feel his dick throbbing. “Let me hear you!”
“You’re squeezing me! Oh shit, shit!”
Looks like someone’s very passionate to say the least. It didn’t stop with the handjob, then. Any kind of contact with his dick is having Hyunjin’s voice do somersaults. Guess why he’s walking around so noisily all day when he’s just walking and his pants do their thing like, giving him a good rub even if it’s just lightly on the surface.
With reactions like that, Hyunjin’s dick is well inside of you without any further ado. Boyfriend moaning, pussy open. While you’re enjoying the feel of being completely full with him, and imagine how deep his spit is being thrust inside you — oh god, yes — Hyunjin seems to have his own imaginations. The blindfold was both a good and a bad idea. He can’t anticipate your next move, but he also seems to feel you sliding him in twice as much. 
“Are you thinking I’m some kind of succubus, huh.”
You tease, wiggle your hips. Causing one loud fucking moan.
“It feels that way, ah!”
“Are you gonna scream your lungs out when I start moving, hm?“
“I can’t control it!”
“Let’s see then.”
You lean back into the kiss, bent forward just enough to change the way his dick is aligned inside of you all over again. A little bounce and the position is perfect.
“Wow, look. This is a good angle. It just goes right in.”
“Hn—!”
It’s amazing how he reacts at your mercy. Your kisses stifle the moans, but they also make him more on edge because he wants to let it out. Congrats, you’ve found the officially best way to torture him. 
“So. How about doing this.”
You raise your hips. It takes quite some effort to pull him out that far because he’s so girthy. It’s literally pulling at your walls as if they don’t wanna let him go. You do it slowly, terribly slow, every millimeter has your pussy lips deliciously tracing another facet of him. Moving up means cleaning some more saliva off his shaft. It all goes inside you. God bless his runny mouth while he was eating you out. 
Only Hyunjin’s tip remains inside of you. The air hitting what was previously buried inside you makes for a surefire way to make him break the kiss and bite his lips. 
“My cock! My, ah, my!”
His hands are all wobbly above his head. As are his legs behind you. 
“How are we taking it down there.”
“If you do that hip thing again, I can’t guarantee anything!“
So that’s what makes his heart beat faster.
“I’d be damn cruel making you cum so early, darling. Sooner or later I’ll milk all your semen anyway.“
Well, succubus indeed.
“I’ll just blow up, I can’t!“
“You’re lucky I won’t be riding you full-speed or something. You’re just too big for that. But what if I do the hip thing and you can’t cum?”
“Oh fuck!“
For good measure, you nuzzle him generously, and yes, do the thing. The agony in his expression is not even the full effect of what you’ve done. Hyunjin is screaming out loud. 
“And that was with a warning. I’ll do it again and if you can stand it, you get some pussy in your face. Wanna get treated?”
“Please, please treat me!”
“But first...”
To add some extra spice, you push down to his base all over again. Hyunjin arches, his teeth are almost sewn shut from the pressure of his tight jaw. Once he’s balls deep, you flick your hip just a little. A loud moan simmers into a little mewl, the jaw unclenches, his tongue starts lapping out. You’ve truly shut off his brain right now.
“Very well done.”
Pulling out works faster now, but you notice how it’s not as slippery anymore. A lot of Hyunjin’s spit has gathered around the lower third of his dick. It’s a nice sight to have it drip on his terribly swollen balls that are probably going through a whole bunch of things right now. 
“Good thing you get something to slurp on. We need more spit. Use your mouth!”
Hyunjin’s cock being untouched right now seems to take the edge off, but his mouth, holy shit. His mouth is on an eager spree to wet you up all over. On top of your own lubrication, Hyunjin provides another ridiculous amount of leakage all over your clit and folds. It’s running all over his face. 
The blindfold gets soaked as does his nose. A frantically moaning Hyunjin doesn’t seem to stop slurping and pushing out spit, you swear he’s gonna fucking drown. That method. It’s completely chaotic just like his fingering. You weren’t wrong, then. He might die then, but at least you’re able to remove the blindfold, wearing that is too gross. Hyunjin is excitedly blinking at you through his own spit like the sun is blinding him but he doesn’t mind.
“Mnm—nh!”
“I love you. Amazing. Look at this. You’re so nasty. Come, let’s do this again. Hope that cock can push all that into me. It’s too good to waste.“
You get back to squatting on his dick, admittedly a little wobbly on the mattress now. Hyunjin’s satanic ritual tongue does not go without a notice. Nor does the way you slide back down on him, and back up.
“Oh woah!”
A clean thrust. Your pussy is dripping so much on him, a little stream glosses over the thread of veins on the underside. Before it reaches down and disappears between his thighs, you make sure to collect it with another thrust. Hyunjin stares just right at his cock disappearing in you, framed by your labia stretching out. His jaw is completely dropped.
“Yes, that’s how we’re looking like. You have a great cock. Listen to that sound.”
Smooth gliding and a wet little smack when you touch down.
“It’s, it’s amazing... It feels so warm and creamy.”
“Watch. I’ll be stirring your spit all inside me.“
Slowly, carefully, you ride him again, this time connecting several thrusts. Hyunjin looks adorable with his wide eyes and sweaty face. 
“Yes! Oh yes, oh.... That feels so good.”
“Nothing wasted. You’re doing really well. You’re good at this.“
You lean in for a deep kiss. Only after you tongue him down do you realize just how much he’s ruined his mouth. It’s so sticky and wet, and his lips are so exhausted. They’ve been swelling up more than you thought they would, he’s really put them to the test like a champ. Well, they’ve lost their virginity, too. The kiss ends with two wet mouths parting by a thread.
“Are you enjoying yourself?”
“Yes. I really love it. Thank you, Hyunjin. Can I finish off first? I wanna use my hands to make you cum.“
“You’re the best,“ he becomes flustered, and watches in awe just how you reposition yourself all over again, pointing his cock at his belly flat this time. It’s perfect to just grind right above it. A bit of fluid leaking from your pussy mixed with lube and spit makes for the best slippery help to get your clit some intense stimulation from gliding squarely across Hyunjin’s bit vein. 
“Fucking hell, babe. That’s a wonder dick.”
How he throbs and pulsates is the last push it needs to get close. You loosen the tie of Hyunjin’s ribbon and his hands dart around you, hold you, and he winds his hips to give you more of the friction. 
But this time, he’s moving faster, and your orgasm arrives quicker than you count from 30, not even that. You get messy on his balls and base, and Hyunjin almost loses it from having you grind on him. That he’s been holding it in until now is a miracle. His hair is nothing but sweaty streaks right now.
As soon as the waves of pleasure become smaller and you can think again, both your and his hand come wrapping around his shaft. No problem moving your palms around, he’s covered in all that honey. Plus there’s more space, he could fit three palms. It feels so intimate doing it together and being in sync. Hyunjin’s broken moans and whines are well accompanied by more hip bucks and a quicker pace. Your two hands squeezing up and down makes Hyunjin start to beg to you.
“Please use the other hand, please, please choke me through this!“
You go for a lighter grip, hell, he hasn’t done this before, but Hyunjin isn’t having it. The protest is all loud and clear.
“Squeeze my throat! Please, harder, do it hard, please!”
You press down at either side of his neck, and make sure to translate that onto his cock as well, still jerking him off. You don’t let go until he’s cumming. 
A thick white spurt empties between the intertwine of your fingers. Hyunjin squeals out loud, catching air, almost crying. Another load has him all shaky, growling, and rubbing his own hand around yours to push out even the last bits of sperm. Surprise, there’s more cum leaking out.
“Oh, what to do with all that big dick.”
“It’s, it’s so much!“
“Come here with that milk.“
You lower your face on him and let the last clear bits come up against your puckered lips. They spread his cum all over the tip, kiss it, catch new threads, swirl them around while your hands are pumping the lower half, all the meaty girth. Never missing an opportunity for torture. Hyunjin is screaming and suffering all over again. His semen has been oozing all over your hands. 
“Clean it, babe. We’ll lay down in a minute. That’s an amazing icing.”
Hyunjin’s tongue has a last job and it does it well. Your fingers are super clean and well-kissed, his lips are so glorious. You’re both dizzy, but you at least manage to towel down. Because his face is a mess, your lips are dripping, your pussy is a swimming pool of spit, and that ruined dick has seen some things today, oh yeah it did. What better way to leave its virginity inside of you all slicked up and sloppy. 
Hyunjin starts freezing very fast by now, and you get a weighted blanket, with you on top of him, in a sweater, just because. Sharing heat is caring heat. You love cuddles after sex.
“Say something cute and nasty,” he pouts, and you think of a good way to summarize the evening. 
“I mean look at you. You’re officially a slut now. My slut,” you pinch his nose. “If you want. Let’s have some fun like that tomorrow again. I can’t wait, you know. That’s a really loud boy I got myself.“
“Oh yes, tomorrow!”
“I might be blowing you for more of that icing. It was really nice and sugary.“
“I eat lots of fruit!”
Now that’s a keeper.
“And I gotta say, shit...“
“You came really hard on my dick, right.”
Hyunjin makes an innocent face saying that, but you know very well how he’s been taking you in, he’s learning.
“Yeah.“
“That was that sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
He smiles a little, exhausted, but flustered. 
“Lot more to come. That’s only the first time for you.”
“I’ve been thinking that as well. Say it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen until tomorrow.“
“Exactly right. That’s the idea,” you kiss his neck now, breathing in the afterglow. “And, by the way. Um. I hope I removed the ribbons at the right timing.“
“It was in the right moment!“
“Should we try more like that next time?”
“I like it.“
“Me too. You look perfect tied up.”
The blindfold did the trick, you know it. Hyunjin has hardly reacted to your touch like that when cuddling. Although, that’s hard to compare, is it.
“And... You really could have choked me a little harder by the way.“
Hyunjin knows just how to mimic you. Another nose pinch for you, young man.
“We didn’t plan it so I thought I’d go easy on you. But if you like it. You want it rougher, don’t ya. You just wanna fucking scream.“
“I’ll admit it,” he nuzzles his face into your sweater. “I’m just very loud...”
“We’ll see what kind of ideas I’ll come up with to get you even louder. Deal?”
“Favorite deal.“
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FINAL NOTE. thank you for reading - caro 🐅
© 2017-2021 submissive-bangtan. all rights reserved. no reposts allowed.
850 notes · View notes
risusnet · 3 years
Text
Something there that wasn’t there before.
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Jonathan Crane x Reader
Summary: [Y/N] is a psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum. Bruce Wayne is holding a charity gala to help raise some funds for the asylum and [Y/N] along with some colleagues are invited. Her friend and crush Jonathan Crane was one of her co-workers that was invited too and they both enjoy the evening together.
Prompt: “Be still my heart.” Word Count: 2,626
You worked as a psychiatrist in Arkham Asylum and you, along with some of your other co-workers, had been invited to a charity gala hosted by Bruce Wayne which intended to help raise money for the Asylum. You were wearing a beautiful dress that you had picked out a few days earlier and had just parked up in your car outside the gala hall, you sighed feeling nervous to go in. There were going to be so many people there, one of which was Dr. Jonathan Crane, your friend and co-worker who you had been low-key crushing on for the past few years, your heart jumped into your mouth just thinking about him being there.
“I bet he’s wearing something really nice- wait no- he’s just your friend, shut up!” you thought aloud.
You pulled yourself together and got out of your car, shyly walking to the door and trying to distract yourself from the photographers and reporters at the entrance who were also here about the gala. 
“Name, please.” said a frightening-looking bouncer,
“Dr. [Y/N] [L/N].” You told him,
“Ah, I see your name, you may enter.”
“Thanks..” you quickly entered the hall.
It was a beautiful venue, priceless golden chandeliers hung from the ceiling of the corridor with marble lining the floor that led to a foyer. For a corridor it was massive, it felt intimidating. You cautiously wandered onward, the corridor was fairly empty with only a few people littered here and there, some people on the phone, some couples making out and drunk people stumbling around aimlessly. You reached the entrance of the hall and looked around, there were so many rich and famous people here, it was easy to feel like you didn’t belong here. You saw some of your co-workers spanning the hall, there were some of them together in groups, sticking together but then you saw someone in the crowd that was not with the rest of your colleagues. It was Jonathan. It felt like time stopped when you saw him, he was wearing a really lovely suit and you felt your pulse quicken, you took a step backwards and bashfully looked at the ground,
“Be still my heart.” You muttered to yourself.
You braced yourself and walked on into the foyer, you decided to get something to drink to set your head straight. After sipping your drink, you looked up only to lock eyes with none other than Jonathan on the other side of the room. He smiled at you and smiled back, if you had still had the water in your mouth you probably would have spat it out in surprise. Luckily, you were able to hide your surprise pretty well. 
The moment was cut short when a man who seemingly worked for Bruce Wayne came onto the stage and told everyone that the ballroom was now open and people began to make their way in the direction of the ballroom. You put your drink down and followed the crowd, you could see Jonathan up ahead in the corner of your eye and you tried to ignore him for your own good, however, you were doing a terrible job at that.
Once you entered the ballroom, you were mesmerised by how enchanting it truly was in here. You took in every last corner of it and smiled in awe. Your eyes travelled back down again and you suddenly felt a little shy again, remembering Jonathan was here. You really had to get a hold of yourself and forget your feelings whilst you were here, you had to act professional!
A soft song was being played by the orchestra they had hired and many people had already coupled off and started dancing and talking in the ballroom, you found a place off to the side to stand and took in the environment. Jonathan walked over to you and stood next to you,
“[L/N], Hello.” He nodded in your direction,
“Crane, good to see you.” You responded.
“It’s rather, chaotic, in here, isn’t it?” He smiled,
“Yeah, it’s a bit overwhelming,” you laughed a little.
You looked in his direction slightly, he was still just as handsome as before, shit. You ended up catching Jonathan's gaze on accident, to which caused him to speak,
“Would you like to dance for a little?” He said, his tone slightly softer than previously. You paused, you wanted to, but felt shy, how typical.
“Are you sure?” you crossed your arms and looked at him,
“It might be fun, plus, we may as well get in a few of the photos from the event.” He joked,
“Alright, sure, let’s go.” You both walked into the main area of the room where people were dancing. Your mind felt like it was literally screaming at you, you weren’t sure if it was in an ‘Oh my god, this is so exciting’ way or a ‘No no no no no, abort abort, abort mission’ way. Anyway, you still seemed pretty composed and he took your hand, either way. You started to lazily dance along with everyone else, you felt completely in your element and yet completely out of it at the same time, a very strange feeling, maybe it was just the nervousness.
Funnily, photographs were taken of you both, you spied it just out of the corner of your eye and you’re pretty sure he noticed too. Dancing with Jonathan and now you have proof of it? There’s some bragging rights! 
“Wait- what if people get the wrong idea? I’m gonna be hassled by questions and rumours going back into work.” You thought in your head. 
“What if those ideas are good ideas?” a voice replied. Voices aren’t meant to reply to you in our head so that means that…
“Huh- Did I say that out loud-” you felt a little embarrassed, then you remembered what he responded with, “..Hey, wait a minute-”
“Don’t worry about it.” He cut you off with a grin. Is he going to ignore what he said? Great, now you are going to worry about it, or more specifically, you are not going to stop thinking about this. Maybe, ever.
“If you say so.” Your eyes held a mixture of uncertainty and curiosity, whilst he looked slightly smug. There was a vague air of flirtatiousness between the two of you as you continued dancing, you both spoke to each other in a manner that wasn’t flirting, but borderline was. However, it was usually like this when you spoke, you just had that kind of dynamic. You can’t blame yourself for catching feelings in an atmosphere like that, right?
You felt a lot more comfortable than earlier, you had probably just gotten used to his presence. He was always good company and the rest of the bustling gala just seemed to phase out. There had come a point in which you and Jonathan had stopped speaking altogether and just had your eyes fixed on each other. You guys were also having a… moment? You were edging closer and closer to one another absentmindedly and a layer of tension filled the air. 
“Guests! Thank you for coming to this lovely gala we have been hosting today!” Oh yeah, that’s where you were. You and Jonathan stopped dancing and turned to face the voice and saw Bruce Wayne now on the stage introducing the event. You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “You all probably already know why this gala is being thrown today, we are here to support our very own Arkham Asylum and its employees who work tirelessly to try to reform the criminals it holds. The dining hall is now ready for everyone so if you follow the butlers they will direct you to your seating! Thank you.” Bruce gave a winning smile and moved away from the microphone and off of the stage.
You looked to Jonathan who nodded in the direction of the hall and you both started to make your way over.
The room was beautiful, with hundreds of tables brimming the hall. You stuck to Jonathan like glue, because despite all of the friendly-seeming faces, it was still pretty nerve-racking and he didn’t seem to mind, in fact, he seemed to enjoy being your protector.
You were eventually seated, with Jonathan being in the seat next to you on your right. You were glad for that, at least. Apart from him, you were surrounded by a load of unfamiliar faces that lined your table, not that that was surprising, you couldn’t recognise 90% of the people attending this. 
There was a lot of, ‘How do you do’s and ‘What is your name’ and ‘Where do you work’ as everyone around you settled in. They asked you and Jonathan many questions about your jobs upon learning that you both worked at the asylum.
“So, Dr. Crane, what’s it like working with a bunch of criminals? Isn’t it dangerous?” one woman who appeared to be quite rich asked. She wore an expensive dress and a face full of extravagant makeup.
“Ah, well, we don’t just have them running rampant with a knife or such whilst we are in appointments with them.” His comment earned some laughter from the table. He was good at this, you smiled to yourself knowing you were in good hands and that you could relax a little because Jonathan knew what he was doing.
A different man, one who sat on your left side began to strike up a conversation with you.
“Dr. [L/N], a pleasure to finally talk to you. I have been meaning to ever since I saw you arrive!” This comment earned a suspicious side-eye from Jonathan but he quickly looked away and continued the conversation he was in.
“Oh, well it’s an honour to meet you, sir.” you politely responded and extended your arm to shake his hand, which he took, shook and lingered for a bit too long before releasing it.
“You must be very intelligent to be a psychiatrist. Where did you study?” He leaned over remotely closer, awaiting your reply.
“Gotham University for the most part! I enjoyed my time there, actually.” You tried to be oblivious to how he was acting, but it was super off-putting.
“Ah, a good one. I have known friends who have attended there!” His breath stinks of booze. He was closer still and you were starting to feel uncomfortable.
“Thank you, I’m sorry, but could you excuse me. I think I need to use the restroom.” He nodded his head and you stood up. Jonathan had an idea of what was going on and waited two minutes before leaving too.
You walked as fast as you could to get yourself some air. You were back in the foyer and nearly at the bathroom when a hand grabbed your wrist.
“[Y/N]!” You turned around and your eyes were met with Jonathan. “Are you alright?”
“I’m... I’m sorry. Everything was just really… hectic. I needed some air…” You weren’t quite sure what to say.
“Was it that man? Did he make you feel uneasy, or something?” His eyes looked full of care and concern. He really knew you well.
“Yeah, I’m sorry for dragging you out here, you can go, you don’t have to worry.” You tried to brush it off but he could tell how it got to you. He moved his hand, which was still holding your wrist, to hold your hand.
“I’m not just going to leave you here when you’re like this. I’m someone who cares for you.” He sounded truly earnest, it made your heartbeat speed up when he said that. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Trust me. If it will make you feel better, we can switch seats. If he tries anything, even if he looks at you in a strange way, I’ll see to it myself.”
“Jonathan… Thanks.” You smiled to which he returned it.
“Shall we?” His facial expression shifted to a smirk.
“We shall.”
You both made your way back to the table, sitting in each other’s seats. You realised you were still holding hands and had to unfortunately let go to sit down. You settled back down and the man from earlier began to speak.
“I think you two are sitting in the wrong seats.” He was so clearly annoyed but tried not to show his frustration by placing an obvious artificial smile on his lips.
“Hm, it seems that we are,” Jonathan said, turning to you. “Ah well, no point in getting up again.” He shrugged and was pulled into another conversation with someone on the table.
At some point, you had ended up placing your head on his shoulder to lean against which he let you do. It was comfy and by the time you realised you had done so, it had been about 5 minutes and he was fine with it so you decided to bask in the moment.
Bruce Wayne, that mysterious rich guy, was once again back on the stage. 
“Hello everyone,” he had a drink and a tiny spoon in his hand which he clinked to the glass to command everyone’s attention. “Now, I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear, is the best part, where I give you all a load of free food! Feel free to indulge yourselves as the butlers bring the food and beverages around to the tables.” Then he confidently strode off the stage and back to his seat. His table was less full of businessmen in suits and more full of beautiful women in expensive dresses.
Everyone turned back to their conversations as trays and plates came out of the ginormous kitchen hiding somewhere in the back. There were all sorts of food that you had yet to try in your life but you were eager to. You had to sit up though so that meant lifting your head off of Jonathan’s shoulder.
You, along with the rest of the guests began to eat the food served. Whilst also maintaining some light conversation. By this time, you had quite the collection of business cards handed to you by various people at this table. 
Bruce stood up to toast to the event, “Here is a toast, to this pleasant gala and to those we are holding it for. A toast to all of the incredible employees of Arkham Asylum who are and aren’t here today!” He raised his glass which everyone else followed suit with.
Half an hour later and everyone was finishing up their meals and you too felt very full and idly set your head back onto Jonathan’s shoulder. You looked up at him from there and he looked back, laughing a little before looking away again.
The gala was starting to wrap up and people were starting to leave. Bruce went onto the stage to say his official goodbye causing a massive flock of people to also call it a night for them there.
“We should probably give it a minute before leaving, save getting trampled.” Jonathan looked to you, who was still leisurely resting on his shoulder.
“You’re right.” You said watching people leave, “This was surprisingly fun.” 
“I agree, I didn’t expect to have this nice of a time. Maybe it’s just thanks to you though.” Jonathan now rested his head atop yours. 
“I’m glad you were here too.” You sighed happily.
“We should see each other outside of work more.” He said, nonchalantly.
“That would be nice.”
“Are you free next Saturday?” Oh wow, he’s good, real smooth.
“Yeah, in fact, I am.” 
“Looks like we’ll be doing this again soon, then.” He had that smug grin again. Then sat up, took your hand and you both walked out together.
259 notes · View notes
arrowflier · 3 years
Note
Prompt for you my lovely 😊: Ian having a bad bipolar day/really depressed and Mickey taking care of him while they still live with the Gallagher’s, maybe outsiders perspective on the way Mickey can translate Ian when he’s nonverbal or that he tries to coax Ian into eating dinner by pulling him into his lap and sharing his plate, that sort of thing and maybe someone is about to tease them but Mickey gives that glare all protective like and then they shut up:) (also can Ian be wearing Mickey hoodie or some along those lines, he’s skinny it would fit)
Thank you for the prompt! Standard disclaimer that as much as I've been writing about bipolar disorder lately I still have a lot to learn, and always want to know if it makes anyone uncomfortable.💖
Content Warnings: bipolar disorder, depressive episode, food
It had been two days since Ian left the room he had Mickey had taken over once they were both out of jail. Two days of Debbie worrying, trying to talk Mickey into taking him somewhere (The fuck are they gonna do, Raggedy-Anne, sedate him? He’s already out like a light), sending Franny up with toast and coffee like they used to do for Monica (I don't like it when he's sad, mommy), and checking the bottles of meds on the bathroom sink that Mickey swore he doled out each morning.
And Debbie remembered what it was like, with their mom. It had been scary then, too. But Monica had never been stable, and Ian…
Well. It was a lot scarier when the person that wouldn’t get out of bed was the same person that had taken you to school, and been there to pick you up. Had taught you to swim, and to fight, and to never give up.
When the person who had shown you what strength was lost their own, what were you supposed to do?
So when Ian stumbled down the stairs that morning, thin and pale and dead-eyed, Debbie wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry, or force-feed him pancakes until he choked on them.
She went for none of the above, and hid her wet eyes by turning back to the stovetop instead.
Franny had no such compunctions, and was out of her chair and barreling into Ian’s legs before Debbie could even think to warn her.
“Uncle Ian!” she greeted excitedly. “Are you feeling better now?”
Debbie bit her lip, turning just enough to keep an eye on them from under her hair. She hated that she felt like she had to, but it was what it was.
And right now, what it was was her older brother letting his hand fall weakly onto Franny’s head, tangling in her red hair as she pressed her face into his leg.
“Hey, Fran,” he said, voice soft and scratchy from two days not speaking in anything but a whisper. He didn’t answer her question, but she didn’t seem to mind.
Franny pulled away, Ian’s hand falling limply back to his side until she grabbed it and tried to lead him to the table.
“You must be so hungry!” Franny was saying. “Mommy, can you make Uncle Ian breakfast too?”
Debbie looked at Ian, still standing there fidgeting as Franny swung their linked hands back and forth. His face was tucked down into a hoodie that didn’t look like it belonged to him—too loose in the chest and too short on his torso, barely even hanging to his hips—and he wouldn’t meet her eyes.
“I don’t know, Franny,” she hesitated. “Does Uncle Ian want breakfast today?”
No response. With a sigh, Debbie quietly added another egg to the bowl she had yet to whisk, and hoped for the best.
Franny had given up on getting Ian to the table, hugging him again before taking her own seat, and he was left standing there awkwardly and alone. Debbie wondered what she should do—Should she talk to him? Ask him to sit down? Tell him it was okay if he wanted to go back upstairs?—when the back door opened, Lip coming through with baby Fred in his arms.
“Hey Debs,” Lip greeted with a nod. “Got enough food for two more?”
Like he hadn’t just marched in after almost a week of not being home, off with Tami in their new place while Debbie took care of everyone and everything else. Still, she added another egg even as she rolled her eyes.
“Depends,” she asked dryly as she did it, “Got some money for me?”
“Nope,” Lip answered, then finally noticed Ian in the corner. “Morning bro,” he started, then did a double-take.
“Are you wearing Mickey’s shirt?” he asked, smirking. Knowing him, something rude was right on that comment’s heels, so Debbie threw an eggshell at the back of his head.
She widened her eyes at him when he turned to glare, trying to gesture without Ian noticing. But Lip didn’t seem to catch on, raising his hands like he needed an explanation, and Debbie wondered, not for the first time, how someone so smart could be so fucking stupid.
Thankfully, Ian didn’t seem to notice that the question was less than genuine, and just let his face pop out from the collar to whisper, “I like the way it smells.”
“Fuck yeah you do.”
Mickey was suddenly there on the stairs behind Ian, who seemed to relax a little more when he heard his voice.
“You keep fuckin’ stealin’ it when I’m not lookin’,” Mickey accused, coming up behind Ian to wrap an arm gently around his waist.
“Better watch out,” he warned, “or one of these days it ain’t even gonna smell like me anymore, you sap.”
Ian didn’t answer, but he did lean back just a little into Mickey’s hold. It was a far cry from the way he had pulled back from Debbie’s hand the last time she tried to check on him, and she wasn’t sure if she was relieved at the change or annoyed that once again, Mickey was the only one that could seem to influence him in this state.
She was glad Mickey was there for Ian, don’t get her wrong. But she wished that she was enough to help her brother without him, sometimes. They were family—she should be enough.
“Hey,” Mickey was whispering into Ian’s ear as he held him. “You wanna eat something for me?”
There was no spoken answer, and Debbie sighed, mentally recalculating the egg count yet again. Then she looked up just in time to see Ian nod, the slightest, slowest movement, and almost dropped the plate of bacon she was about to bring to the table.
“Alright,” Mickey said simply, “that’s good, Ian.”
He caught Debbie’s eye over Ian’s shoulder, and she nodded at him. Of course there was enough.
Mickey took the same hand that Franny had released minutes ago, and led Ian to the table. He glared at Lip until he got up and moved over a chair, finally having caught on to the fact that something was up, then sat down and pulled out the chair on his other side for Ian.
But Ian didn’t sit.
He stood there, hand still in Mickey’s, eyes wandering around the room like he wasn’t sure where he was. Franny waved at him from her seat when he looked past her, and his eyes caught on her smile, but moved on without returning it.
“Hey,” Mickey said softly. “C’mere.”
He tugged at their linked hands, raised his other one to clasp Ian’s elbow.
“Sit down, man,” he urged. “Come on, sit with me.”
Ian’s legs bent, and his body followed. And instead of sitting in the chair Mickey had chosen for him, he landed on Mickey’s lap, curling into his body like a child and tucking his head under Mickey’s chin.
It might have been comical, any other morning, Ian’s tall frame trying to hide within the confines of Mickey’s smaller form. It might have been sad, right now, the way he looked more like a scared little boy than the grown man they all knew he was.
Might have been, but wasn’t. Because Mickey just pressed his lips into Ian’s hair, stroked a hand down the back of the stolen hoodie Ian wore, and gestured to Debbie for a plate.
She didn’t try to speak to them when she brought it over, or when she returned with a second plate piled just as high. She didn’t try to argue when Mickey freed up his arms to grab a plate in one hand and a fork in the other, Ian still nestled in between, and dumped the entirety of Ian’s breakfast onto the same plate as his own.
And when Mickey got Ian to sit up enough to take a single bite from the fork he held to his mouth, held eye contact with Ian until he swallowed and went back for more, Debbie finally settled on something to feel.
Because Ian was alive, and out of bed, and eating. He was sitting at the table with them, at least sort of, and wiggled his fingers a little at Franny the next time she caught his eye.
Watching her daughter beam at her favorite uncles; watching her see what a real adult relationship was supposed to be like for maybe the first time; watching Lip and Fred too as they stared at Mickey taking care of Ian without concern for who might see…
Well. Mickey was there, and Mickey was family. Maybe they could be enough together.
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cecereads209 · 3 years
Text
Fix It
Pairing: Mechanic!Erik x black!Reader
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Y/N didn’t know how her luck came to this. She’s been her usual cheery, elated self. She’s been putting good out into the world and she expected to get it back. She understood that her coworkers weren’t the best to her but she always pushed it aside and focused on her work. No matter what, they would try anything in their power to tear her down due to the fact that she was a part of the small population of black people in the department. She sent complaints to headquarters but she knew that they would be ignored so she did the same to them. However, this particular day was the day that almost got her fired. Her morning was going great until it came time for her to take her daily morning snack which consisted of a Chobani Flip. When she looked into the refrigerator, her calm mood had skyrocketed. No one has ever touched her food, but obviously someone wanted to push her buttons today.
On top of that, she forgot her card on her nightstand after she finished a little online retail therapy. So she had to eat the flavorless free food that came from the cafeteria. It didn’t even fill her up. She had to finish the rest of her work day on a damn near empty stomach. She was in her cubicle struggling, hoping that no one near her could hear her grumbling stomach. To continue on the disappointing path, she had a project that had to be presented in about two days and she was a bit behind but she knew that if she worked hard enough, she would be up to date on everything. Yet, her computer started to break down in the middle of the day. Effectively erasing all of the new work she had added to the file. Noticing that her flashdrive wasn’t in her computer, she almost broke down right then and there. After calling the technician, they had the computer up and running in about 15 minutes. One of her cords had burned out. The additions to the file were completely erased but her previous work was still there. She sighed as she realized she had to strain her mind to remember what she had put.
Y/N couldn’t wait to return home and get herself together to make sure tomorrow would be better. A mini self-care day was right up her alley. She bypassed all of her evil associates while catching some of the slick shit those marshmallow minions had to say. Their insults were so corny, making her chuckle as she waltzed right past them. The echo of her footsteps let her know that she was the only one present in the parking garage. She had a little trouble starting up her car but when it finally revved up she put it in reverse and drove out of the garage and into the busy afternoon streets. She didn’t have the energy to connect her phone so the radio would have to suffice today. She was tapping her fingers along the steering wheel as she drove down a slightly vacant driving lane. This shortcut cut her commute by five minutes. She was doing the speed limit of 15. Her eyebrows bunched together when her radio started to skip and her car got slower. She could hear the sputtering from underneath her car. It came to a stop right in the middle of the road. She sat staring into the abyss, trying to calm herself down but it was of no use.
“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” she yelled as her fists banged on the steering wheel. She sat back, trying not to cry. She just wanted to go home and wait for a new day to come. Her plants needed to be watered again, she had started a new television series, she needed to refresh her two-day wash n go, and a nice calming bath sounded so good right about now. Thankfully, her phone’s battery was at a decent percent. She willed herself to reach into her purse to get it and call the car company. She was informed that the truck to pick her car up would be here in about ten minutes.
With her head thrown back onto the headrest, her eyes danced across the ceiling of her silver 2020 Infiniti QX50. She’s never had problems with this car before. Plus she despised the amount of money she spent on car repairs in the past and she feared the amount of the bill that would surely be handed to her for this inconvenience. If only she had a man that was skilled in this field so she wouldn’t have to break her pockets whenever something with her car went wrong. The headlights from the car company truck flashed in her rearview mirror. She gathered her purse and any other belongings that she needed and got out of the car and waited for the worker to load her car onto the truck. This alone had to be at least $200 dollars. The caucasian man introduced himself and helped her into the passenger side of the truck and drove them to the nearby mechanic shop.
~~~~~~
The shop seemed vacant but there was the occasional worker that would walk through. The man advised her of what would happen from this point. He would unload the car and have one of the mechanics come look at it and see what’s the problem and if it’s fixable then it’ll be ready by the nightfall. She was irritated at the addition to her series of unfortunate events but at least this one was being fixed immediately. She was led into the waiting area of the shop where a mounted TV played the afternoon news segment and a receptionist was assisting a woman who seemed to be here to pick up her car. The area was actually nice and comfortable with the comfortable waiting chairs and coffee tables. She took a seat in one of the chairs that sat closest to the window. She alternated between playing kiddy games on her phone to watching the weather segment of the news and planning what she would wear tomorrow to accommodate the spring breeze.
She was focused on the weather woman explaining the possible rainfall until she heard someone calling to her. Glancing toward where the voice came from, a short and curvaceous black woman was grinning as she waved her over. Her looks and aura reminded her of Cassie Davis. Y/N quickly got up to approach the woman. “Hi, so one of the men inspected your car and he wants you to come out back to tell you what’s wrong with it.” Her southern twang made her feel warm and comforted. The woman led her to the open garage outside where there were already cars inside that needed to be fixed. “Erik! Here she is.” With that the women waddled away with a pat on Y/N’s shoulder. She twiddled with her fingers as she waited for this Erik person to emerge from wherever he was. Her eyes gazed down at her black velvet ankle strap heels. Standing on the tops of her feet and clicking the heels three times.
“I don’t think that’s gonna make you get home.”
Smooth skin spread over bulging muscles, black work boots with oil spots, navy blue cargo work pants, cinched waist, stained white tank top, and a single gold chain. Locs braided back with a fresh line up. Y/N was taken aback at his beauty but she didn’t allow him to see her sweat. It had been a while since she’s been in an actual relationship with a man and because of that extended period of being to herself she had forgotten how to approach men and show that she was interested.
“Eh, it was worth a try.” she replied.
“Well, lemme show you what’s up with everything. I’m Erik,” he motioned his head for her to follow him, “nice car by the way.”
“Y/N and thank you.”
The hood of her car had been popped open and there were tools protruding from inside.The hood lifter allowed it to stay open while he inspected everything. There was also a low creeper that stuck out underneath her car. “So, while looking at this I noticed that you needed an oil change, your battery is almost out, and your alternator is failing.”
“Damn! --Oh, excuse my language but how could all of this happen?”
“You're fine. Y’know how it is when you’re hella busy and you just forget to take care of your car. It’s fine. I’ll get this back up and running in about...three hours.”
“Three?!”
It was almost six o’clock so Y/N would be out of the shop by nine, leaving her no time for her self-care activities she had planned. She pondered on whether she should stay and wait or call a Lyft and come back tomorrow to get her car. Then she would have to take a Lyft to work and one to the shop to retrieve her car. That had to be more than $40 for all the rides combined. She did not want to pay that much money for rides. Erik noticed how scrunched her face is and her annoyed demeanor.
“How about this, I get off in about thirty minutes. I was going to stay later to work on your car but I see how in a hurry you are to get home so, how about I finish out my shift, take you home, drive you to work, and pick you up from your job to come back here when your car is finished?”
“Mmmm...I don’t know. I don’t even know you.”
“Understandable. I’ll let you think about it while I work on this. You got thirty minutes to make up your mind.” he said as he walked backwards to her car granting her a sneak peek at his perfect thirty-twos and the adorable indentations in his cheek. She couldn’t resist a man with dimples and perfect teeth. Y/N was vigilant of his confident stride and the way his back muscles shifted underneath that tank top. “You can sit in here and keep me company if you want. I know it can get boring in that room.” he insisted.
Y/N considered his offer then found a rolling chair that was close to his workspace. Making sure it was clean, she took a seat. “So what do you do for a living?”
“Uhm… I work at a law firm. I specialize in Foreclosures.” She answered.
“That’s good. Surprised you don’t wear glasses. I know you sit in front of that computer all day.”
She snickered at his comment. “I do wear glasses. Only at home though. I have my contacts in now.”
“Mm.” he searched through his tool container and grabbed a wrench and other things that Y/N didn’t know the name of. “I’m starting on your alternator first since that takes the most time.” He sat on the low creeper and slid underneath the car. Y/N admired his strong, thick legs. He had to basically live at the gym to get a physique like that. “So, how long have you been working here?” It was her turn to ask the questions.
“I work here on and off since my aunt and uncle own this shop. I mainly work at the park district.”
“The one on Grandrose Drive? That’s owned by the center?”
“Yep. My cousin actually owns all of that.”
“Really?! Why work at the park district when you could work at the main center?”
“I don’t know…I feel more comfortable there than at that busy ass center,” he responded. Y/N could hear him going to work and chose to halt the conversation for now and let him finish out the rest of his shift.
~~~~~~
Erik closed up the garage and shut off all the lights. He was halfway through with her alternator but he would complete it tomorrow along with the other things that needed to get fixed. He was tired also unbeknownst to Y/N. The shop had been pretty busy. He led Y/N back into the main waiting room, bid farewell to his aunt who was also locking up, and the two went out to his car. It was a freshly clean, black BMW i8. Y/N regarded the nice exterior and the even cleaner interior.
“This is nice. You can pay for this just by working at the district and the mechanic shop?”
Erik chuckled as he started the car. The strong engine revved to life. “Along with my two jobs, I’m also my cousin’s advisor. So I help him with his endeavors while he’s in America.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, who’s your cousin?”
“I don’t mind, but first I need that seatbelt to be on,” Y/N clicked hers into place, “and second he’s a king of a foreign country. Wakanda to be exact.”
“Ohhhh! That’s your cousin?!” She asked in disbelief.
“Yes, why do you sound surprised?”
“I don’t know. I just thought you were regular, not royalty.”
“I get that a lot.”
The two left it at that as Erik sped down the highway. He had Y/N input her address and soon the automated voice of his GPS system filled the car along with some smooth rap. Y/N would often sneak peeks at the way he drove. One hand gripping the wheel while the other one sat on his lap. He slightly leaned closer to the window but he didn’t over do it. It was almost natural for him to drive with so much swag. Her eyes outline his full lips that he would often lick to keep them moist. For as long as Y/N’s been around the park district and around this area, she’s never seen Erik. If she did she would’ve for sure remembered him.
She played with the fabric on her pencil skirt, a loose thread had been peeking out on the side. While Y/N was occupied with her clothes, Erik was also slyly eyeing her. She was absolutely beautiful and the perfect way to end his tiring shift. All of his previous customers were his regulars and were mostly in and out except for the occasional customer that had a serious car problem. Y/N was like a breath of fresh air. Even though it was obvious she didn’t like the inconvenience she still stuck around with him and kept him company. He’s never asked someone to do that since he liked to work in silence but she was different and there’s a first time for everything.
Erik turned onto her street and honestly Y/N didn’t want to leave his presence yet. It was weird since she had just met him and she felt so content around him. “Is this it right here?” He asked as he pulled up in front of an apartment building with the lights turned on. “Yes. This is me. Thank you, Erik. You really didn’t have to do this.”
“It’s no problem. You looked like your day wasn’t going great anyway so I wanted to lighten the load in any way I can.” He spoke while putting his car in park.
“Well, I’ll need to get to work by nine,” she collected her things before unbuckling her seatbelt, thank you again—“
“Wait! Hold on.”
He scurried out of the car to reach her side and open the door for her. He held her hand as she exited the car then closed it behind her once she was out. “I was taught to never let a lady touch or open a door anywhere near me. Matter of fact, lemme walk you up.”
“No, you don’t have to do that—“
“Yes, I do.”
Y/N didn’t put up anymore of a fight and began to walk into her building. They both greeted the security guard at the front desk before making their way onto the elevator. Y/N resided on the seventh floor so the ride up wasn’t long. They stepped out after the doors opened and she turned right and he followed. She stopped and turned to face him once she was in front of her door. “Thank you, again for everything.”
“How many times do I have to say it’s no problem.” She covered her face as she giggled. It was getting hard to contain the blush that was creeping up on her skin. She felt like she was in elementary school again when she had her first real crush.
“Okay, well…I’ll see you tomorrow…” she swung her keys back and forth as she stared into his boyish eyes. It was almost like they held something more behind them. She turned to unlock her door before she could drown in those chocolate pools he called orbs. She said her goodbyes one more time before she closed the door. She stood on the other side quietly listening to his footsteps and the ding of the elevator.
~~~~~~
Y/N awoke bright eyed and bushy tailed. Knowing that she would see Erik’s fine ass put a fire under her ass. She did her morning routine, picked out her outfit and cooked herself a nice breakfast. She picked out her plain white shirt-sleeved shirt, her mauve pink ruffle design, loose knitting pants, and her open-toed heel sandals. With her black Gucci tote bag. Her accessories were light along with her makeup, just a bit of brown eyeshadow, brows, mascara, and her signature lip liner and lip gloss combo.
Last night, she refreshed her wash n go so all she had to do today was fluff it and fix her edges. While indulging in her bagel with strawberry cream cheese, egg whites, turkey bacon, and fruit smoothie, she realized that her and Erik didn’t exchange phone numbers. How would she know that he was at her place? A few seconds later, she heard a car horn honking outside. She glanced out her window to see Erik’s car parked out front.
She swiftly threw her dishes away and double-checked to see if she had her credit card and flash drive. She locked up her apartment and made her way to the parking lot. Erik was already on the passenger side waiting for her to come out. They greeted each other while he opened the door for her. She watched him stride to the driver side and slide in. It took him no time to back out of the lot and onto the street. She put in her work address and he followed the directions.
The pair made casual conversation as he drove through the streets. It was hard for him to keep his eyes on the road as he kept trying to look at Y/N. She seemed much brighter since their first encounter. Her angelic voice seemed to be the only thing he needed to hear.
“Where are you going? I hope you’re not working at the shop in that.” She referred to his plain white t-shirt, black ripped jeans, and Jordans to match. That same single gold chain sat upon his broad chest yet, today he added diamond studs to his ensemble.
“Nope, I’m stopping by the park first then I’ll be back at the shop to work on your car. I have my change of clothes already there.”
“Oh okay.”
The GPS directed him onto the street of her workplace. Y/N’s mood dimmed a bit when she saw her shady coworkers outside talking. Why did they have to be outside? Her morning was going just fine.
Erik peeped how they were trying to look through the windows, trying to see who was pulling up in this fly ass car. Erik found a park close to the front and went to open her door for her. Y/N fixed her clothes once she was out. She could see them eyeing her and the man she rode with. “Thank you. I’ll be off around 5:00.”
“Okay, I’ll be here waiting—Um, how may we help you?!”
Y/N turned to see who he was talking to and almost collapsed from embarrassment when she realized he was talking to her coworkers.
“Erik—No, it’s fine.”
“Nah, they all in yo face and shit. I don’t like that.”
“I don’t like it either but I have to deal with it. See you later.”
“See you.” He trailed off as he watched her walk away. Her fresh curls bouncing along her shoulders. He made sure she was all the way in the building before going back into his car to head to one of his jobs.
~~~~~~
The presentation outline was almost complete. Y/N had remembered a good portion of what she typed and for the rest she freestyled a bit. It was almost her lunch break and she was so ready to go to her favorite spot and chow down. She could practically taste the food on her tongue. Her food fantasy was interrupted by a couple taps on her shoulder. Jill, one of her associates that was outside eyeing her when Erik dropped her off this morning.
“See you brought your little boyfriend here to scare us.” She teased with an obviously fake smile plastered on her face.
“He’s not my boyfriend.” Y/N responded monotonously before she twirled back to face her computer to save her files. Her lunch started in three minutes.
“Anyway, I like your hair for once. It finally looks tamed.”
It had to take all the strength from the higher powers for Y/N to stay in that chair. She needed this job and would not lose it over some Sour Patch pilgrim. She took two deep breaths before slowly turning back toward Jill. “You have five seconds to get out of my sight before we both leave here jobless.”
“Oh, please you—“
“One.”
“You’re not gonna do—“
“Two—“
“Stop the facade—“
“Three—“
“Hey, Jill! I need your help really quickly.” Saved by the stranger. Y/N grinned at her innocently with her purse now in her hands. “Go on and be the help,” Y/N placed her sunglasses on, “we both know that’s all you're really good for anyway.” She walked off with a confident strut, leaving Jill fuming.
~~~~~~
Today was a success. Y/N had completed her presentation along with a few other projects. She had enough energy to last throughout the whole day. Now it was time to go get her baby back.
She closed up her cubicle and signed out. The weather was perfect for spring. A light breeze, nothing too strong. Erik was waiting for her on the passenger side like he said he would. Once he caught sight of her exiting the building he guided her in the car and they were soon off to the shop.
The car had a faint smell of car oil but Y/N didn’t mind too much. They conversed about each other’s day and random topics and before they knew it they were at the shop. Erik helped her out of the car, as usual and they went straight back to the garage. There was Y/N’s car, looking the same as it did the day before.
“Go ahead and test it out.”
She didn’t need to be told twice. She was comforted by the familiarity of her car and soon started it. The engine sounded better than before. Erik moved out of the way so she could drive it a little bit to see if it was to her liking. The car drove smoothly with no problems. No weird noises or nothing. Y/N rolled back around to make sure her window was in front of Erik.
“You like it?”
“Yes. Thank you so much, again.” She beamed as she ran her hands along the steering wheel.
“It’s nothing. Easy work but if you have any troubles just come here and ask for me.”
“Alright. See you soon.” It was hard to say that since she enjoyed his company. Even if it was for a short period of time.
They waved their goodbyes and Y/N was off. Not before she went to pay for his services and leave a nice tip.
Back on the road, she jammed to her playlist while sitting at a red light. While she waited she wanted to check her hair to make sure it didn’t look crazy since she had been driving with the windows down. Bringing down her overhead mirror, a piece of paper flew out.
Didn’t want this to be our last time seeing each other. Call me so we can set something up- Erik
209-670-3985
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ptergwen · 3 years
Text
from one kid to another
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w/c: 6.0k
warnings: mentions of drinking, lots of swearing, implied smut, and angst at times
summary: it was a mistake, a beautiful one that you didn’t make on your own
a/n: this genuinely is my favorite thing i’ve ever written :,) i say that a lot but this time i mean it, it’s really special i think and i so so so hope y’all do too <3 enjoy my loves
-
there’s only one thing in life that testing positive for is actually positive.
depending on the situation, obviously. yours isn’t ideal, or planned or a blessing or whatever people say. it’s a gigantic mistake that you didn’t realize you made until a minute ago.
you’d noticed something was wrong when your time of the month came and all you experienced was the symptoms. cramps, cravings, everything except your actual period. as everyone is pretty much taught to do, you ran to the closest drug store for a pregnancy test. what the hell else could it be? you messed around a few weeks ago, so there’s a possibility.
your heart felt like it was going to explode out of your chest the whole time you waited for the results. you’d thought of calling tom over for support, but there are a couple of reasons why you couldn’t do that. you realized you made the right decision when your timer for the test went off.
two red lines. you’re pregnant. you’re pregnant, and your best fucking friend is the father.
where do you go from here?
the test falls from your hand and hits the floor with a mocking clank. you slide down until your back is against the bathtub. well, you’re fucked. what an ironic word choice.
the fact that you aren’t ready in the slightest to be a parent when you’re still growing up yourself is one thing. it’s another that this could ruin the most important relationship you’ve ever had.
no, tom won’t be mad. he’s never once fought with or even raised his voice at you. in your times of need, he’s been the one to uplift you and kiss your puffy cheeks dry. no matter how he takes this, you know it won’t be out on you. he is half responsible.
but, with how you left things the last time you spoke, you’re not sure you’ll be able to get past it.
tom is alarmingly good at hiding how he truly feels. you always tease him that it’s because he’s a gemini. he’ll come back with shut up, i’m an actor and stick his nose in the air to give you the full image. in all seriousness, it does take a toll on how well he can communicate.
you’ve seen it in small ways, like when he brings you along for press days and uses unenthusiastic smiles to cover up his yawns. how he’ll be polite in a conversation with people he’d rather not speak to, then mumble about it once you’re home. he tries to put forward the “appealing” parts of himself even though he’s more than them.
tom’s biggest communication issue is that he’s been in love with you since year nine and hasn’t said a word about it. you’ve yet to figure that one out.
you two became friends while tom was starring in billy elliot. his schedule was so scattered between shows and school, so he struggled to balance both. he often had to stay late for extra help on the lessons. you’d also been there a few times. you worked better in the classroom, and he was grateful he didn’t have to be alone with the teacher.
most kids made fun of tom for his interest in theater, to his face and behind his back. not you. you thought it was just incredible that someone in your own classes worked at the west end. you’d told him on your way home one night.
he’d heard you before he saw you. “you’re tom, right?” you asked from behind him, the two of you making your way through the hall. the question sounded friendly, and it wasn’t every day kids were nice to him. tom stopped walking so you could catch up. “yes, and you are?” you gave him a small smile, books clutched to your chest. he instantly returned it.
“y/n. i heard you’re in billy elliot?” you laughed at your understatement, then corrected yourself. “that you are billy elliot, i mean. that’s so cool.” “oh, i am. thank you,” he chuckled back, a full grin taking over his face. you were both walking again, you by tom’s side. “i was hoping to come see you soon.” your voice got quieter as you told him, like you were nervous.
tom never had much luck with girls, not at this point in his life. this was an opportunity to change that. at the very least, to make a new friend. he offered something you said yes to without a beat of hesitation. “what if i got you the tickets?”
from then on, you began talking during class and not only when it ended. tom really knew how to keep the conversation going, telling story after story that left you laughing so much your teacher would shush you. you’d eventually moved to hangouts at either of your houses. harrison came into the mix at some point, the three of you forming your own group.
the difference between tom and harrison was that while harrison linked with other girls, tom was only interested in you. he’d gotten a crush on you pretty fast, if he was being honest. it might have been your shared sense of humor or the way you said his name.
thomas, when he was being cheeky. tommy, which took the place of a pet name. even regular tom. that might have been his favorite. he loved how it rolled off your tongue. he loved, and still loves, you.
you’d gone to all of tom’s performances you possibly could, the ones for school theater included. you also gave him the push to take his talents to hollywood. tom was afraid he wasn’t cut out for the big screen, that he needed more practice and experience first. you told him that if this was what he wanted to do, he had to start somewhere. why wait?
tom then landed his first movie role in the impossible at the age of fifteen. he’d received tons of praise and almost gotten nominated for an academy award, all because you convinced him to audition. you played a huge part in keeping him grounded when he was between films, and caught him up on whatever schoolwork he’d missed.
you practically zoomed to tom’s house when he was announced as the next spider-man. you’d been constantly refreshing every social media platform marvel was on since tom became a finalist for the part. that process was probably the most difficult experience he’s ever gone through. you’d know, having heard all about it from tom.
the two of you celebrated along with the rest of tom’s family that night. you kept giving him little proud of you squeezes on his shoulder or knee. tom is eternally indebted to you for being the most supportive of everything he does.
he of course sends the support right back. although he went down the movie star path, acting wasn’t for you. you’d gone off to university and studied hard as hell and aced all your shit. tom quizzed you on material whenever you needed. he wanted to help you somehow, and this was all you’d let him do.
he’d offered to pay off your loans and any other expenses necessary because he had the money to do that now. you refused every single time, not trying to become dependent on him. he admired your drive, yet hated it at the same time. everything you’d done for him, it was his turn to be the caretaker. it should’ve been.
whenever tom wrapped filming for the holidays and came back home, you were always preparing for final exams. he kept you company, content with simply being in your presence. you typed away on your keyboard and read over notes until your eyes burned. tom occasionally brought you snacks, tea, asked how you were and what he could do.
sometimes, he would have to cut your study time short. he’d say it wasn’t healthy or you were overdoing it and to come relax with him for a bit. other times, tom let you be. he didn’t want to get in the way of your already stressful assignments. those were the nights you’d fall asleep in front of your laptop. drool on your chin, hunched over at your desk.
tom made sure to tuck you in, press a light kiss to whatever part of your face wasn’t covered in spit, then let himself out. he knew where your spare key was, so he used that. you’d wake up to a “Fell asleep studying again. Rest today x” text the next morning.
when it came time for you to graduate, tom was on the first flight there. it was during another round of reshoots for chaos walking. he respectfully told doug that he’d have to work around his schedule or replace him, which couldn’t be done so late into filming. tom didn’t care that it made him seem like a prick. he was getting to you no matter what he had to do.
he’d earned plenty of stares and whispers from people as he took his seat in the crowd. he was a proper celebrity now, so he expected it. his solution was to ignore everything and chat with your family about how proud they were of you, tom the most. he saw you go from a kid attempting algebra equations to an adult at her uni graduation. you’ve really grown up together.
it was why he teared up hearing them call your name, seeing you beam as you walked across the stage. your mom grabbed his hand and nodded at him, like she could tell exactly what was going through his head.
you ran right up to tom after the ceremony was over, leaping into his arms. he let out a couple of chuckles as he spun you around. “i didn’t think you’d make it,” you’d admitted, happy yet sad tears in your eyes. tom put you down so he could pull you in for a real hug. “i’ll always be wherever you are, y/n,” he said into your ear, rocking you while you gripped at his suit collar.
flash forward to a year later, your career is finally taking off, tom’s is flourishing like it has been for years, and you’re pregnant with his child. you’re trying to recall the series of events that led you to this moment.
you were both drunk, blackout drunk because the only reason you remember sleeping together is that you woke up naked in the same bed. harrison’s bed.
he threw a housewarming party for himself, having recently moved out of tom’s and the other boys’ place. the three of them, sam, and you were all in attendance, along with a lot of others you hadn’t met.
neither you nor tom could figure out where he knew all those people from. he’d clinged to you two for the most part, more so you now with tom usually away. they could have been from work. harrison is breaking into the business himself, small roles here and there. tom actually met him in your school’s theater program, then he introduced him to you, ten years ago already.
sam entertained himself by making concoctions with the snacks harrison set out. harry got together a playlist for the party. harrison and tuwaine struck up a conversation with some of harrison’s actor friends. that left you and tom alone, out of stuff to do, and with one way to fix it.
“drink?” tom had asked you, a smirk playing on his lips. “love one,” you hummed back and set off for the kitchen. the two of you raided harrison’s liquor cabinet, grabbing his biggest bottle of wine. he’d dumbly pointed it out during the house tour he gave you before the other guests arrived.
you were about to search for glasses, but tom’s fingers threaded through yours. he gently tugged you away and nodded behind him. “let’s bring this upstairs. seems much more fun there,” he’d murmured over the music, a grin breaking across your face.
tom is big on clubbing and socializing, however, you aren’t. he comes up with ways to get you out of these events, just in case.
“we can break in harrison’s bed for him,” you said as a completely harmless joke, no intentions of that becoming your reality later on. spoiler alert: it did. “and how are we gonna do that?” tom quirked a suggestive eyebrow and breathed out a laugh as you dragged him towards the stairs. despite yourself, you’d giggled at his words.
not one drink in either of you yet, and you were stumbling and cracking up as you ran upstairs. you’d pulled tom by your still attached hands into what you remembered as harrison’s room. tom shut the door, locked it, saying under his breath that would be a “convenient investment” for him to make as well.
he took out a bottle opener that he must have put in his pocket at some point and got to work on your wine, you getting comfortable on the new mattress. the two of you passed it to the other after every sip, tom licking the taste of your lip gloss off his own lips every so often.
the equivalent of three drinks in, you were making out. both of you were just tipsy at this point, tom holding you by your hips as you lied down, your legs around his waist. god, he could’ve done this sober. he’d dreamed about kissing you, really kissing you since he was fourteen. you’d always felt like you two had something more. ah, there it was.
halfway through the bottle got you past the next two bases, and you were ready for the fourth and ultimate one by the time you shook the last few drops onto the tip of your tongue. tom groaned at the sight of that, drawing your half naked body in closer to his.
you two had forgotten to use protection in each of your drunken states. without a doubt, you both would’ve agreed to a condom had your minds not been everywhere but where they should have.
you’d woken up first the morning after, panic immediately coursing through your veins thicker than blood. a fully nude and sleeping tom had you in his embrace, arms secured around your middle, facing you. you gasped when you made the connection, loudly enough to wake tom up. his long eyelashes tickled your face, a confused pout on his lips. uh... um...
“did we fucking...” you trailed off, no words to describe whatever unfolded. “fuck?” tom finished for you. a very blunt explanation, but true nevertheless. “looks like it,” he rasped, pout changing into a smile. your face fell at the vague memories of how you spent your night.
you definitely wanted to do it. just, he’s your best friend, who’s seen you at your least sexy moments over the years. when you were sick, had breakdowns from stress, you name literally anything, tom was there. it took one bottle of cheap wine for him to forget that?
the real answer was no. tom is entirely in love with you, for a decade at that. you were beginning to discover you feel the same, only you had no idea he already loves you. you’d assumed this was meant to be merely a hookup. from the frown your face held, he’d thought you were regretting it. oh, were you both so wrong.
“um... we don’t have to talk about it,” tom told you halfheartedly, under the impression that’s what you preferred. you physically felt yourself get weaker in tom’s strong arms. he’s not interested. “yeah, that’s probably for the best. i...” you were lying. his heart shrunk, shriveled up inside his chest. she doesn’t love me like that.
“you have to go. aren’t you behind on some emails?” tom hoped you didn’t hear his voice strain from the tears pushing at his eyes. “right. almost forgot, thanks.” you’d plastered on a smile, slipping out of his grasp. a tear rolled down his cheek, so he wiped it away before you noticed. you’d already gotten out of the bed and begun picking your clothes up off the floor.
“i’ll drive you home, then.” he rolled on to his other side, you thought so he could give you privacy to change. it was that, and also because he was crying. he couldn’t hold it in. tom is naturally an emotional person. imagine finding out the love you’ve had almost half your life is unreciprocated. it’s soul crushing.
you two found harrison snoring and on top of tuwaine as you left the house. no silly remarks or shared glances for the first time in ten years. tom couldn’t muster anything up, and you felt numb.
the drive was painful. you’d said your goodbyes after tom pulled up to the curb, which held an odd weight to them. once you were out of the car, a sob wracked through him, banging on the steering wheel and not giving a shit about the loud horn going off. you collapsed face first onto your bed. hours passed by while you stared at nothing and contemplated everything.
since it happened, you haven’t spoken much. small talk over text every few days or so, both of you pretending things are normal for the other’s sake. about a month later, today, is when you found out you’re pregnant.
there’s no use wallowing in any of this. you need to figure out your next move, one that should probably involve tom. first, you want to talk to someone else. you want other opinions and a voice in your head that isn’t your own. harrison gets a text from you saying to come over now, the now in all caps. he does.
you let him in after the second knock, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. however torn you are, you must look it. shirt balled in your fists, lip quivering. he keeps his eyes on yours as he steps inside, pushing the door shut behind him. this is all becoming too real. “y/n, are you okay?”
you’re about to cry in three, two...
“haz, i fucked up,” you choke out, tears unable to stay at bay. he takes you into his arms for a hug. half your face is hidden in his shoulder, hands clutching at his back. he lets you cry it out, holding you until your heavy breathing steadies. “what’s happened?” harrison asks quietly, both of you leaving the hug.
“if- if i tell you, you can’t freak out. you can’t tell anyone else, either,” you instruct, searching his eyes for certainty that he won’t under any circumstances. “i won’t, y/n/n,” he assures you and puts an encouraging hand on your arm. your heart pounding abnormally fast, you spit it out. your first time saying it aloud. “i’m pregnant.”
harrison flinches and doesn’t even try to conceal it. he takes his hand off of you, worry swimming across his features. he blinks at you, unsure of what to say. you’d react the same way, maybe worse, so you don’t blame him. a discussion you, him, and tom had a couple years back replays in his mind.
the three of you were talking about your futures, seeing as you were close to living them. when tom asked you two where you stood on having your own families, you didn’t hesitate to answer. “nope, the factory is closed for a long ass time.” until you were in your thirties, you aimed to focus on yourself. harrison distinctly remembered because of how you phrased it.
“you’re... you... wow,” is all he replies with. you head over to the couch, more tears welling up in your eyes. do the pregnancy hormones act up this early? harrison follows you over and sits down next to you with an awkward clearing of his throat. “do you want to be pregnant?” he has to ask because he’s not sure if he should congratulate you or what.
“i don’t know,” you answer honestly, voice airy. your eyes are fixed on the wall in front of you. you haven’t given yourself time to think about it. there are so many reasons you don’t, and a single one you do. “do you, um, know who the dad is?” harrison glances over at you. “yeah.” your voice cracks. you’re both afraid for him to ask what he does next.
he shifts so he’s sitting up. “can i know?” a sniffle passing through you, you finally look at him. “it’s tom,” you say it before you lose the nerve to. harrison’s face doesn’t change this time. he isn’t surprised you and tom went there. he’d seen your friendship growing into more the older you all got. what he can’t believe is where it took you.
his best friend pregnant, and his other best friend responsible for it.
“when did you...” “at your party,” you explain, bringing your legs up so they’re criss cross on the couch. “i thought you were gone a little too long.” he says that to try cheering you up. you appreciate the effort, but it doesn’t work. you’re not in a joking mood. he’ll stick to the main issue. “so, have you told him?”
“clearly not,” you scoff, not at him but at what you two have gotten yourselves into. “y/n... i think you should tell him,” harrison sighs out, then adds, “whether you keep it or not.” “why? that would ruin everything, it already has.” you’re getting angry now, which plunges you into angry crying, voice unsteady as you go on.
“the last time i saw tom was that night, and i guess it meant more to me than it did to him because we haven’t talked about it at all. he didn’t want to.” you swipe the back of your hand across your eyes, gaze stern compared to harrison’s soft one.
he drapes an arm around your shoulders, you curling into him with another sniffle. he doesn’t say anything for a minute, then he tries again. “i know you, y/n, and i know tom. you’ll kill yourselves not talking about this.” he’s right, no shit he is. avoiding telling tom how you feel, and your pregnancy on top of that, it’s eating you up inside. it’s swallowing you whole.
“what if he doesn’t want to be a dad? or- or i’m a shit mum?” you croak out, your doubts getting the best of you. “i can barely take care of myself. what am i supposed to do with a baby?” you’re leaning forward with your hands pressing into your temples. harrison’s hand moves to your upper back. “i- i don’t think i should have them. i... we can’t,” you conclude.
“tom loves kids,” he gives you a gentle reminder. “why would his own be the exception?” another good point, yet you still have rebuttles. “right, he’s a godfather and he’s really good with them and all that, but i’m not the right person, and it’s a terrible time,” you tell him all at once, in a rush to get your words out before harrison’s sway you.
“he’s never around, i’m doing my own stuff. we’re not meant for this.” you lift your head out of your hands and sit back on the couch. harrison returns his hands to his lap. he’s frowning at you, which you see from the corner of your eye. “i’m not going to force you to have the baby. just saying you have options.”
yeah, really shitty ones.
“either way, talk to tom.” harrison says this more like a demand so you’ll take his advice into actual consideration. “at least about the hookup.” your teeth sink into your lower lip, eyes watering for the nth time already.
you have no choice because he’s right again. you’ll never move on from what happened unless you and tom address it.
the next morning, you do what harrison told you to and invite tom over. he replied saying he was on his way maybe a minute later. he’s nervous to see you because yeah, but more so looking forward since it’s been so long. you’re so nauseous you barely have room for nerves. it’s morning sickness with a hint anxiety.
it feels almost normal when he first gets here, no how’ve you been and what are you up to these days? being as close as you and tom are, you’re not capable of such a dry conversation. personally, you still feel uneasy while he recounts a golfing incident him and harry got into the other day. you know something he doesn’t.
“when i tell you we flew, we flew,” tom makes a pushing forward motion with both hands. “right into the tree. i think harry, like, dented part of his face.” he lets out a breathy laugh, you forcing out one of your own. you’d be more interested without the fact that you’re expecting a child, his child, at the back of your mind.
tom exhales, shifting to face you on your couch. it’s funny how different things were when you and harrison sat in these same spots yesterday. so much has and is about to change.
“they had to send another golf cart to come get us. it was wild.” “it sounds wild,” you hollowly agree. he can tell you’re not too invested in hearing about harry’s terrible driving skills, so he changes the subject. “anyway, harrison told me he came over last night?” your stomach drops, heat coming over your whole body.
“did... did he say why?” you murmur with a look of urgency in your eyes. tom shrugs a shoulder, and casually. there’s no way he knows. “no, was he supposed to?” his tone stays playful, which you can thankfully tell. that puts you more at ease. “no. no, never mind. i would’ve asked you to come, but...” you’re searching through your catalog of excuses.
thank god tom says something else because you can’t find a good one. “it’s alright. i actually, um, had a work call.” a small smile spreads across his face, a proud one. intrigued, you raise both eyebrows. “what’d you talk about?” tom twiddles with his fingers in his lap. “i’ve been offered an audition for this really amazing film. everything works out, it’ll be huge for me.”
you’re smiling back this time, putting a hand over one of his. “woah, that’s incredible. i’m so happy for you, tom.” you lock your fingers with his from the back of his hand. he looks down at them, humbly shaking his head. “when is it?” “a few weeks from today. it films in brazil...”
oh. you can’t tell him now. it’s not worth him missing out on a milestone in his career for a baby you’re not sure you should have. that would be so unfair of you to ask. what are you going to do, not support his dreams for the first time in a literal decade? and, you’d call yourself his best friend through it all?
you guess this also means the way you feel about tom is one sided. he’s okay with leaving you after the most intimate moment you two have ever shared. you’ll dance around it the rest of your lives. better yet, act like the night never even happened. that’s not so easy to do when you’ve got a permanent reminder of it.
the thought makes you sick to your stomach. so sick, you could...
while tom is talking more about what the audition entails, you suddenly bolt up from the couch. you run for the bathroom, a hand cupped over your mouth. his face twists up in confusion from your disappearance. tom calls, “y/n/n?” out to you, but you can’t respond because your head is in the toilet. he rushes in when he hears you retching.
he gets onto the floor with you. you’re bent over, puking your guts out, back in another place where your life changed forever less than twenty four hours ago. tom pulls your hair out of your face and into a makeshift ponytail with one hand, his other on your back. that’s all you have in you. you stay over the toilet just to be sure.
saliva drips from your mouth, making you cough roughly, the sound echoing. tom moves so he’s next to you, keeping his hand in your hair and not caring one bit about the smell because he loves you and he’s utterly concerned about what he witnessed.
“love, are you sick?” he coos, searching for your eyes. they water from the intensity of everything. “morning sickness,” you answer without thinking first. shit. shit, shit, shit. it came out of you like more vomit, word vomit. there’s no going back now.
tom lets go of your hair with his eyes still on yours. his hand on your back then leaves you, fingers trailing down your body as they go. “morning sickness,” he repeats, putting it together. “you’re pregnant?” guilt taking over your features, you sit across from tom. you’re once again leaning against the bathtub, him against the counter.
“this isn’t how i wanted you to find out,” you admit and bring your knees up to your chest. “i took a test yesterday. it was positive.” your arms wrap around your legs, you now tearing up because tom figured it out. a shaky breath passes his lips. “i haven’t gone to my doctor or anything yet, but i-“
“are you keeping the baby?” tom cuts in. not to judge you for your choice, to find out what the fuck is going on before he travels across the world. you tighten your arms around yourself, grabbing your wrist. “i haven’t decided.” he gives you an understanding nod and reaches out for you. you dodge him. he might not want to do that after what you say next.
“tom, i... there’s more,” you whimper out. “yeah. i’m... i’m listening,” tom croaks, unable to hold in his infinite amount of emotions for a multitude of reasons. he’s losing you a second time. more tears spill from your eyes as you break the news, the news that will destroy what he’s been working towards his entire life.
“the baby is yours.” his face relaxes, looking almost relieved when you confess it. “when we slept together, uh,” you’re sure it’s obvious enough that you don’t have to go over the details. he’s tearing up himself. you reluctantly continue. “if you still want to audition, i get it. we don’t have to do this.”
“fuck the audition. fuck the whole movie. all of my movies, really,” tom surprises you by blurting out. he moves in until your legs are touching. “i’m staying. even if you don’t have the baby, i have to be here.” you watch in disbelief as he wipes away what are actually happy tears. “really? i was scared you’d resent me for it, or hate me even,” you mumble to him.
“y/n, what? why would i ever do that?” tom places a hand on your cheek, touch gentle and filled with love. you part your legs so he can be closer to you. he takes the space between them, thumb brushing over your skin. “i didn’t think you’d want to deal with all of this. i thought that night was only a hookup for you.” your voice wobbles under his gaze.
“no, are you kidding? i thought that’s what you thought.” he’s smiling now, eyes twinkling along with it. what he’s been meaning to tell you since you were only kids finally comes out. “i’ve loved you as long as i’ve known you, y/n. i always imagined myself doing this with you.” his words draw a quiet laugh from you, a happy one. “i know we were drunk, but i meant it all.”
the sincerity in his voice, the warmth in his eyes, they make you cry all over again. you’re getting used to it.
“i love you, tom,” you lean into him with a sniffle and a grin, his forehead now resting on yours, using his thumb to catch one of your tears. “i really do.” “i love you forever. i always have,” tom speaks lowly, breath fanning across your face. your hands grab at his shoulders. “so, you’ll stay? you’ll do this with me?” he reminds you of what he said before, this time a promise.
“forever.”
-
you ended up having the baby, and tom held your hand through the entire labor. nikki was holding his other hand, your mom holding your other hand. harrison had originally been in the room as well. when you started to push, he got freaked out and had to leave. your support system remained strong either way.
despite his repulsion of your daughter’s birth, you and tom decided to make harrison her godfather. he eventually became the godfather of your other two children also, which you had a few years later.
tom took a paternity leave from the industry so he could be with you and jamie. he’d also used his time off to propose to you, something else he fantasized about since year eleven in school. it wasn’t anything too grand because the whole world was already buzzing about you two, and a big gesture felt too impersonal with everything you’d been through together.
he did it in the form of passing a note, something you often did in class to avoid being scolded by your teacher for talking. the note came with a pencil to check off either the yes or no box, “will you marry me?” written above them. anyone else would have found it so unromantic, but you giggled as you checked off yes before your lips crashed into his smiling ones.
you were married shortly after the proposal, jamie as your flower girl and all your friends and family in attendance.
to do what he loved and stay with the people he loved, tom created his own version of hollywood in london. he took it upon himself to assemble a team and make a production company. harry behind the camera, harrison and tuwaine in the films, and tom either starring alongside them or directing. they give so many young actors tons of opportunities.
you eventually went back to work, too. it was like you’d never left, coworkers offering endless hugs and going over what you missed, not that you struggled getting into it. tom was there to celebrate every promotion, every compliment from your boss, every part of your life. jamie was also there, then liam and lucy.
all three of them are running around the house right now, putting on shoes and collecting their supplies for school. you take a sip of the orange juice liam didn’t finish with a lighthearted eye roll. tom chuckles as he passes you in the kitchen, getting the kids’ lunchboxes for them to minimize the chaos.
“you have that pitch meeting today, right?” he slips his hands through the lunchbox handles and walks over to you. “mhm,” you hum, mouth full with juice. his lips press to your temple, giving your waist a one handed squeeze. “you’ll smash it. always do.” “thanks, tommy.” putting down the cup, you reach up to button whatever parts of his shirt he didn’t have time to.
“aren’t you doing a casting? for the new script they sent?” you wonder aloud and smooth down the cotton material. “me and harry. should be interesting,” he remarks, you giving him a quick kiss back on his chin. they tend to have their artistic differences. “good luck with that. you do drop off, i’ll do pick up?” you pat one of the lunchboxes around his arms.
“deal.” tom goes in for a kiss on your lips, then a chorus of dad, we have to go led by jamie rings through the house. with a knowing smile, you push at his chest. “see you later. love you.” “love you, holland,” he bites back a grin of his own. his last name, now yours, suits you perfectly.
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