Tumgik
#part 4 of clearing out my drafts
httpsuniverse · 8 months
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right where you left lover girl [ charles leclerc , ben chilwell ]
[ 𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦 ] — charles leclerc x singer!ex!reader ; ben chilwell x singer!reader . ⊹ ✶ ㄔ 🫂 °.   *
[ 𝗗𝗘𝗧𝗔𝗜𝗟𝗦 & 𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦 ] — mostly angst, some romance . ⊹ ✶ ㄔ ℹ️ °.   *
࣪˖ 💭 .. 𝗘𝗬𝗔’𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗘𝗦 ⌕ clearing my drafts again 😵‍💫 if you ask me, i’m obsessed with singer!reader fics lol
this work is purely fictional. names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. © httpsuniverse, 2023. do not steal, repost in other platforms, translate and/or claim this work as your own.
cleclercsource
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26,929 likes
cleclercsource double date in wimbledon 🎾 charles, alex, kika and pierre spotted in today’s game!
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user alex looks so pretty and i know she’s nice because i met her once, but i miss y/n ☹️
user :(( i do too, but it’s just not meant to be. they both want different things and are in different places in the relationship
user damn why did THAT hurt
user no offense/hate towards alex but the fact that y/n and charles have been together since they were thirteen just...pains me and i’m not even part of their relationship
user me too!! 😭 they literally went through ups and downs together and saw their careers go big :(
user yeah but i hate to break it to you guys but it’s been two years since they broke up and charles being in a new relationship is okay, they’re both adults! i mean, you guys know that eventually they’ll meet somebody, no?
user what pains me the most is that y/n hasn’t released anything since she and charles broke hp 😣💔 i miss my girl
user they look like mean girls
user i would be scared to walk past them
user love how alex is just happy to be there hahaha she’s so cute
yourusername
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liked by yourlabel, sabrinacarpenter, selenagomez and 3,286,048 others
yourusername oh hi hello 👋🏻 i know it’s been a while since i’ve last released music and contributed to the industry, and i see everyone’s tweets saying how much they miss me and guess what? i missed you guys too, so here’s a little something for being so patient with me🤎 this song is very personal and important to me and i hope you’ll love it just how i loved writing it. right where you left me is now available to all streaming platforms 🎶
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sabrinacarpenter 🫶 masterpiece
selenagomez proud of you✨😍
user omg y/n!!!
user the queen is back :( welcome back y/n!!
user streaming right NOW
user you cant do this to me y/n y/l/n!!!!!!!
user just got out of a 4-year relationship today, thanks for the masterpiece maam <3
yourusername 🤎 wish you all the best with healing
user OMG
user thanks y/n, now i do have a reason to cry today 😍
yourusername stopp bahahaha enjoyyy
prodbymika
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250,297 likes
prodbymika glad to have produced another song and film a music video with my bestie 🫶 here’s some behind the scenes of y/n during recording and filming the music video of right where you left me <3
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yourusername mika my love!!! ☹️🤎 thank youu couldn’t have done it without youuuu 🫶
user wait that place on the 3rd photo is familiar
user it’s charles and y/n’s place from their 24 hour with vogue video 😭
user omfg that’s probably why it’s titled right where you left me 😭
user the 😭 restaurant 😭 she 😭 and 😭 charles 😭 loved 😭
user fuck me im trying to move on 😭
user y/n wearing the same clothes she would wear during date nights with charles 💔☹️
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yourprivate
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yourprivate i know eventually it will lead to one of us meeting someone new. i hope she’ll love you the way that i did, more than how i loved you, charles. and i can’t believe that it’s been two years since we broke up. in my mind i’m still 23, living in my own delusion that one day you’ll come back to me. i loved you, charles_leclerc. and i still do. i really meant it when i said i wish you both the best. now, it’s time for me to move on and leave the place where you left me.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ─────────────────
yourusername
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1,926,472 likes
yourusername me doing big girl things 😄 bye bye monaco 🇲🇨, hello london 🇬🇧 ready to make new memories, new songs and of course, new apartment tour video soon :p
view all 1,827 comments
user omggggggg the chances of me running to you are HIGHHHHH
yourusername see you aroundddd <3
user AAAAAAA
user omg omg omg she’s finally out of her delusions, we’re officially over right were you left me era !!!!!!
user she finally let go of the house she and charles shared 😭
user no bc imagine the adjustment!! she lived there even when she and charles broke up :(
user my girl can finally FINALLY breathe
benchilwell
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liked by masonmount, reecejames, judebellingham and others
benchilwell you’re my, my, my, my lover 🩷
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jackgrealish mate, that’s so cheesy 😂
reecejames i know something you don’t 🤧
masonmount i know something you will never know 😂
user NAHHHH QUIT PLAYING WITH US
user NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
user cong😭ratu😭lations😭
user now who is the lucky woman 🤔
user wait is that y/n
user what the hell
user i think soo!!!!
user STOP IM GONNA FUCKING CRY RN
yourusername
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liked by cmpulisic, reecejames, masonmount, benchilwell and others
yourusername guys meet my london boy 🩷
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benchilwell i told you not to post that picture of me
yourusername 😵‍💫 but you looked so cute and you helped me compose a song
masonmount he did? 😨
yourusername took us a while, but yep 🫡
user im so happy for you y/n!!!!
— ❤️ by yourusername
user why is y/n, a person who loves chinese food, dating a man who hasn’t eaten chinese food
yourusername don’t worry, i bought chinese the other day. he’s no longer chinese food virgin. i took his virginity.
benchilwell y/n y/l/n.
yourusername 😚 you liked it though
benchilwell okay fine yeah
user why do i feel like a new album will come out ...
yourusername
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liked by charles_leclerc, benchilwell, prodbymika and 4,836,917 others
yourusername suprise (well... not so surprise haha) !! been working on this album the past year and it’s finally here and i can’t wait to share it with you guys so HERE YA GO 🩷😚 the whole album is dedicated to, of course, my lover, my benji, benchilwell i love youuuu and this album is my love letter to you (you spoiled the lyrics on your previous post 🙄 but its ok i forgive u now pls come back faster bc i miss u) enjoy everyone ! lover girl, y/n 🩷✨
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benchilwell i love you angel 🩷
yourusername stopp im shy i miss you
benchilwell 😂 im coming over
user y/n in her lover era 🥹 happy for her, she deserves this!
user she really does 🥹
user STOPPP THIS WJOLE ALBUM IS JUST Y/N AND BEN BEING IN LOVENWITH EACH OTHER
user “all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing” BENJAMIN JAMES CHILWELL YOU ONE LUCKY MF
user y/n is SO in love i’m here for it
charles_leclerc congratulations on another amazing album, y/n!
yourusername thank you charles! 🫶
user HEY WHAT IS MR. RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT ME DOING HERE
user ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
yourusername we’re still friends guys, chill 😂
sabrinacarpenter YOU ARE AMAZING, Y/N
yourusername SAAAABBBB i love you ,, you are amazing
user from right where you left me to paper rings 🥺 THE GLOW UP
3K notes · View notes
byunpum · 9 months
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Ghost girl | prologue
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Pairing: Sully family x Albino na'vi!fem (for the moment)
Warning: All the characters are aged up 20’s, disaster, injured, death, neytiri being the mom we all need.
Note:I had this draft written, and it was taking dust. So I'm posting it, so you can read it and tell me what you think. You can see that I haven't paired the reader with any of the characters, and I think it's my first writing that the reader is not human. So I would like to know if you like it, and if so, who would you like to be Y/N's partner?
AVATAR MASTERLIST | Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5(final)
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You felt short of breath, the more you ran. A wave of fire was coming towards you. Holding your newborn baby in your arms. Turning to see your village being burned. You had to run, you had to get your baby to safety. The great trees that were once cold, were ablaze with flames. Climbing up a hill, fighting with your feet stuck in the snow. Resting a little, seeing how everyone was gone. The ships of those humans had destroyed everything.
Their ships were moving away, leaving a desert of fire in the snow. You can feel someone touching your chest, bringing you out of your shock. Your baby touches your chest, starting to cry. You hug him tighter, trying to find some consolation. Your family, your people…they were all dead. Two attacks in less than 6 months, just for a piece of land, just for having that damn mineral. Tears welled up in your eyes, you were heartbroken. It was all over…you were alone. You stood for a moment, analyzing the situation. You could still hear the sound of falling trees, the burning snow and the horrible smell of death. You had several wounds on your hands and legs. But they were not as worrying as the open wound on your right thigh.
You had tried to bandage it, before running out of your family's hut, as it burned. But it was barely covered. Groaning in pain, you sit down in the snow. You had to think about what you were going to do, you were alone. You had no home…those demons had taken everything from you. Holding your baby, closer. Kissing his hair. "Easy…easy" you speak. You had to get shelter, and fast. From your chest hung a beautiful green stone that your mother gave you minutes after you lost track of it. She had told you that there was a jungle clan, the Omaticaya. That they could help me, that it was the safest place. Taking the stone in your hand, to now take a look at the opposite side of the landscape.
You were from the clan of the icy mountains, the trip was going to be hard and dangerous. You were not a hunter, or an explorer. You were simply a girl who had lost everything. But you had no choice, rising from the ground. Bowing in respect. "Eywa…take care of my village, my people…take them with you. Promise them that we will meet again. I promise" you make the 'i see you' sign. Taking a last look at what was once your home, and leaving for the unknown.
The jungle was quieter than usual, the wildlife could be heard sounding. That's what neytiri thought as she walked in search of an animal. She had gone out to hunt alone. She had to clear her head, and spend time alone like the old days. Playing and touching some flowers, when out of nowhere he hears a small whimper. Her whole body freezes, raising her ears to listen better. That noise was not coming from an animal. She stayed silent, waiting to hear it again. A few minutes later, she heard the soft whimper again, someone was in danger. She was confused, it could be a human calling for help. Or a wounded na'vi. She didn't want to risk it if it was a human, she only socialized with the humans on the base, far from that nothing. But something told her she had to go see what was going on. Taking a deep breath, she walked slowly to where those whimpers were heard.
Peering carefully through the bushes, her eyes widen. When she sees a na,vi leaning against a tree. But that was not what was impressive, what had caught her attention. It was the color of this woman's skin, you had snow-white skin. Just like your hair, the stripes that adorned your skin were almost a blue that faded into your skin. Neytiri stood watching, she had never seen anything like this in her life. She was in a state of shock, it wasn't until she heard a whimper coming from the girl's arms. Neytiri looked down, seeing how she was holding the baby. But the grip was lazy, watching as the girl tried to move her arm, but it was too weak. Neytiri decided to approach carefully.
Neytiri holds her bow close to her, still being suspicious. Just to get close enough, to make you look up. Neytitiri felt her chest tighten when she could see how young the girl was. According to her she had to be the same age as her children. She let go of her bow, noticing that there was no weapon on any part of your body. But that you were injured, with burns.
You lift your gaze, looking at the woman. She was strange to your eyes, just as she was the first time you had seen a jungle na'vi. Looking down again, you were so exhausted. You had no strength to go on, your thigh wound was serious. And you had barely eaten in two days. You watch as the woman kneels down in front of you. "Who are you?" says neytiri. Trying to sound calm. "I…my name is Y/N te noeä pauzu'itan" you pause to catch your breath. "I am from the clan of the mountains of…cold" you speak, in a low tone. Neytiri moves closer to you, now all had some coherence. Her mother had told her something about these clans.
"What happened…why aren't you in your lands?" neytiri speaks, daring to touch a piece of your hair. Her maternal instinct, not allowing her not to help you. "They…they killed everything…everyone" you speak. "They?" asks neytiri. "The demons" you speak, neytiri hearing this word, tightens her bow. Closing her eyes, in response. Neytiri moves closer, looking at your wounded skin. And notices the large wound on your thigh. "We must heal it…I'll take you to the village" she speaks, watching as you awkwardly raise your arm. "No…I can't" you pick up your baby as best you can. Bringing him closer to neytiri. "Please…take care of my son. I can't" you are on the verge of fainting. "No…I won't leave you here" says Neytiri.
"I will die…I just want him to be okay…take care of him for me" your voice is very low. Neytiri notices how your hands are shaking, taking the baby in her arms. Watching as yours fall to your sides. "Thank you" you speak, smiling weakly. "I'm not going to leave you here" neytiri orders, getting up to think better. She had to plan something…in a matter of minutes neytiri created a sort of bundle, so she could hang the baby on her chest. Coming up to bend his back in front of you, taking your weak arms. Climbing you on her back, holding you tightly. She knew you could barely breathe, how weak you felt. Neytiri knew that if she left you, you would die in a couple of hours.
Starting her way back to the village. She walked as fast as she could, she had a baby crying. While carrying a girl on his back. She could have ignored her, but no…she could not. Getting closer to the village, taking faster steps. "We're close" neytiri says, waving your hand a little, hearing a 'mmm' in response. Good, you were alive. Entering the village, seeing how everyone was shocked by the scene, while neytiri walked fast to the hut where her mo'at mother was working. "Help, mother!!!" neytiri shouts, near the hut. Mo'at comes out quickly. To see how her daughter was carrying, what looked like a dead body. "This one" speaks mo'at.
"No…she's really hurt," says neytiri, watching as her mother begins to help her take the girl in her arms. Mo'at holds you on her arms, rushing to take you inside to treat your wounds. "I found her alone in the forest…she told me that her village was attacked by the sky people" says neytiri, she was scared. She tried to get there as fast as she could. Watching as her mother, began to examine your body. " She is from the clan of the cold mountains," says Mo'at. Mo'at finds the largest wound, and removes the dirty cloth. "I need to clean and treat this wound. I need the help of more people. Tell kiri to come" mo'at orders his daughter. Neytiri runs out of the hut.
She had the little baby on her chest, who had already calmed down, but she could hear some whimpering " calm down, we are taking care of your mother," Neytiri cuddles him, as she arrives to her hut. Kiri was with her sister tuk, talking to her father. They all see how neytiri enters in a hurry, she was agitated and you could see how worried she was. "kiri honey…come!!! Mo'at needs us" says Neytiri, Kiri without thinking about it gets up and accompanies her mother. "baby what's wrong?" shouts jake, from his seat. Noticing how neytiri ignores him and continues on her way to her mother's hut. Upon arriving, neytiri could see how mo'at had already started with everything, placing some medicinal pastes on the girl's skin. Kiri is surprised to see you, she has never seen someone like you before, but she doesn't ask too many questions. She feels her mother handing her something in her arms.
Kiri looks down, and sees a baby. Just like the girl they were healing. "Kiri hold the baby" says neytiri, approaching her mother. "Mom…will she be okay?" asks neytiri, she sees how your breathing is vague. But you are alive. "Yes…she's weak and I have to monitor that wound. But look" mo'at points to the large wound on your thigh. "I already put medicine in it…I need you to go get these herbs. I will make a drink to bring her vitality back" mo'at says, watching as neytiri ascends with her face, getting up to get everything her mother asked for. Mo'at watches as kiri is cooing to the baby, and began to wonder what such a young girl was doing alone with a baby. She could see that the baby was only a month old. Looking carefully at the girl's body, observing how on her neck hangs a green rock. Holding it in her hand, she had seen that rock somewhere.
After a rather agitated afternoon, neytiri was sitting next to her mother. Holding the baby, and kiri was next to the girl. "So what are we going to do with him?" asks Kiri. "I think it will be best if you take care of him…for tonight. She is very weak, I will take care of her" says mo'at, arranging a few pieces of white hair. Neytiri reaches over and caresses the girl's cheek. "Kiri…come let's go to the house" speaks neytiri. Kiri gets up, following her mother. Just as they were about to leave. "Neytiri…later I will come by your hut" says mo'at. Neytiri ascends, and leaves the hut. Looking at the baby in her arms.
Arriving at the hut, she finds to her surprise that everyone in the Sully family was there. Tuk is still small, so she runs to her mother. She hadn't seen her all day, but stops when she notices what her mom is carrying in her arms. "Is that a baby?" the little girl asks. Neytiri smiles, "Yes…and it's very small." neytiri walks over to where jake is. "A baby? where did you get that?" the man is scared and worried. Neytiri sits down next to him, moving the piece of cloth covering the baby a little. Revealing a totally white baby, his eyelashes, hair…everything. This causes everyone in the family to move closer. Including the two youngest men in the family. "That's…what is it?" asks lo'ak. Touching the baby's tiny foot. "I found a girl." Neytiri pauses, telling her family everything that happened. "Those bastards" jake says, the demons were just destroying…he was thinking to himself.
"I'm taking care of him…until she's okay" neytiri says. "but" she pauses…as some tears streamed down her face. "She is so young…I think she is the same age as you" neytiri looks at neteyam. The boy just looks at the baby that his mother holds on her chest. "and she's alone…I couldn't leave her there alone. She offered me her baby…she told me to keep him. Assuming she was going to die." says neytiri. Jake hugs her, and kisses her on the hundred. "You did the right thing my love…you're great. I bet that girl will be grateful" Jake speaks. At that same moment, everyone hears mo'at enter the hut.
"How is she?" asks Neytiri quickly. "She is stable…but she is very sleepy. I was able to give her the drink…she looks better" says mo'at. Kiri puts her hand to her chest, sighing in relief. " Mom…where did that girl come from?" neytiri asks, watching as mo'at sits in the familiar circle.
" The clan of the cold mountains…one of the most ancient clans. Great warriors and hunters. Their white skin, perfect for being invisible in their territory. Prepared to withstand brutal cold. Ghosts in white. They are not like all na'vis. separating in the far reaches of the mountains, to maintain their lineage. They carry a beautiful magic in their being… they are the favorites of eywa." mo'at spoke, watching as everyone listened to her intently. "Your father and I met them… making a pact of peace. They cared for us and we cared for them. But we never had another close call…not until now." Mo'at pulls from his pocket a stone. "This was given as a sign of peace…she had it around her neck. I guess she came for help" there was a silence in the room.
"She told me there was no one left" neytiri holds the baby tightly. Remembering how hundreds of her clan were wiped out, how their home tree was destroyed. And now they had to live in these caves in hiding. "I imagine the worst has happened…but we have to wait for her to tell us everything" mo'at speaks, reaching up to caress the baby's cheek. "Where is her family? Where is her mate?" mo'at asks. Neytiri falls silent, she too had many questions…but for the moment she was going to take care of the two of you. Until she could figure everything out.
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miragemurder · 3 months
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★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
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★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Sacrifice
Part 4 of Spotlight, Secret, Seperated
Pairing: Veneer x GN Reader
Genre: Fluff
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Hey guys! Time for the weekly update! Thank you all so much for waiting on this series, you all mean so much to me <3 I’ve been really busy this week and next week is finals so I’ll try my hardest to write something. I’ve got a draft waiting to be worked on rn as we speak. ★ ★ ★
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“Nice to meet you, [____].”
Your entire body froze. Yes, you knew of Velvet but she didn’t know you, or at least you thought. You watched as she knelt down to your level, her face practically in yours. You took a step back, exhaling out a shaky breath.
“So you’re the one involved with my brother?”
You blinked. How could she have known? There was no way. Unless Velvet is excellent with context clues, there was no possible way she could’ve know you and Veneer had been talking. There might’ve been a chance where she could have overheard Veneer’s conversation with you over the phone but that doesn’t seem likely, does it?
She slowly got back up and turned her head over her shoulder to talk to one of the bodyguards.
“Hey you, take them to my room.“ She sneered. You opened your mouth to speak but there was already guard coming to drag you away. You pushed through the crowd, trying to get as far away as possible. The guard caught onto your shirt and dragged you off away from the meeting. Gasps of shock and disbelief could be heard throughout the crowd. Velvet tapped her microphone and cleared her throat.
“Don’t mind the scene, there was an accident and we have gotten it taken care of.” She resumed back to the meet and greet.
“Hey! Get off me now!” You cried out, kicking around trying to leave the guard’s grasp. He opened the door to Velvet’s room and shoved you into it, quickly slamming the door. You sank to the floor, hiding your head in your knees. You didn’t do anything wrong, at least you didn’t think so. All you wanted was to be with Veneer. You wanted to hold onto him and have him calm you down. It was like your prayers had been answered as Veneer suddenly busted through the door.
“[_____]!” Veneer ran to your side, kneeling down and holding you in a tight embrace. You enjoyed his presence, burying your head into his chest and grabbing onto the front of his shirt. He brushed his hand through your hair before leaving a gentle kiss on your forehead.
“Why are you here?” Veneer asked, slowly moving away from you. You looked up into his eyes, watching his expression change from comfort to confusion.
“Velvet knows…” You said, voice shaking. He pulled you back into a tight hug and gently rocked you back and forth. Veneer knew why he couldn’t do this. It was too risky to have a relationship with someone, let alone someone who is not another artist. The last thing Veneer wants is to have a diehard fan stalk you. The amount of crazy people, both fans and haters, he’s seen throughout his career makes him sick. He never would want you to experience that.
“I know. We… we can make this work.” Veneer’s head rose. He looked into your eyes, moving his hands to hold the sides of your face and kissed you. It was soft and gentle as you leaned into it. You moved your hand into his hair as he pushed more into your mouth. You slowly back away needing to catch your breath. He continued to stare longingly into your gaze.
“I’ll talk to Velvet alright?” Veneer questioned, checking your gaze to see your reaction. You nodded and burrowed your head into his shoulder. You two sat there for a while, embracing each other trying to enjoy as much as possible. You knew this could only end in two ways. You were hoping it was the latter option.
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You sat on the couch as you waited for Velvet to arrive back in her room. Veneer was pacing back and forth, trying to figure out what he would say to his sister. You were zoning out until you heard someone barge through the door. Velvet looked like a mess, hair slowly falling apart and her make up was a little smudged.
“So. many. people.” She breathed.
“What are you doing here?” She looked up at her brother, questioning what he was doing in her room.
“I wanted to talk to you about [____].” Veneer sighed, standing in place and fully facing her.
“No. Nope, we are done with this conversation.” Velvet groaned, walking to her vanity and sitting down. Veneer walked up next to her.
“We need to talk about this. They know the consequences and they are fine with them. Please, sis.” Veneer begged. Velvet paused before standing up and turning around.
“Did you tell them about how they will never live in peace again hmm? Did you tell them that every day there will be cameras pointed at them. When they work, when they shop, when they eat, when they sleep, when they breathe.” Velvet exaggerated, walking closer to Veneer. Veneer back up before hitting the coffee table, causing him to stop.
“I-“ Veneer stuttered.
“Did you warn them that there will be people out there who will found out where they live, where they go to school, where they work.” Velvet continued. You watched as Veneer stood with his mouth open, no words coming out.
“Didn’t think so. Is that the life they want or are you two so stuck in dream land.” Velvet turned to look at you and for a split second you saw her gaze soften.
“I care about you Veneer, but we can’t risk this. We have everything that we ever wanted and I can’t believe you’re ready to throw that all away.” Velvet sighed. Sitting back down at her vanity, she rested her face into her hands taking a long breath.
Veneer stood in silence, gazing down at his feet. He didn’t know what to say. You messed with your hands in your lap, thinking of what to say next. You slowly stood up and looked at Velvet.
“I’m willing to make that sacrifice.” You muttered, causing the siblings to both look up at you.
“What did you say?” Velvet asked.
“I know the consequences and…”
“I’m willing to make that sacrifice.”
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Sorry for the delayed post! Normally I post on Saturdays but I was busy. I’m sorry it’s a bit short as well. School has been a lot and thankfully I have one more week till Christmas break so expect more content soon! Also the next chapter will probably be the last chapter of this series since I don’t know where else to go with it :( thank you all who were there for me at the beginning of it. I have new oneshot in the making! I love you all <3
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harrysarchive · 20 days
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if only you knew, bunny: h.s.
pairing:
dormmate!harry x dormmate!y/n
summary:
"sorry! sorry i thought you were staying out with your mom the rest of the weekend!" harry says, rustling is heard in the background before im gentle moved to over and the door is heard opening. "you can open your eyes bunny."
warnings:
TW⚠️ body shaming
unhealthy relationship with y/n's mom (body shaming, controlling mom, just a shitty mom overall) also really short sorry i just wanted to tease these two
A/N: guys the way this has been in my drafts for about 4 months LMFAO lmk if you would want more dormmate!harry x y/n!
part two
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y/n's pov
The smell of peppermint vanilla carries along with the scent of books, soft chatter from the tv carries out in the small dorm, i glance over at the empty bed and a frown tugs at my lips.
"guess im on my own." i huff closing my book and tossing it to the side.
as i pick up my phone a knock makes me still, i glance at the door before walking over to it and slowly opening the door. my eyes catch sight of a lovely shade of green staring back at me.
"um sorry," he clears his throat, "my names Harry, and i think we're flatmates."
my eyes widen at what he says before my eyebrows furrow, "um im y/n, i didnt think i had a dorm mate."
"yeah 'm sorry about that i was in england for the past month, so i couldnt do all the orientation." he shuffles his bags and i snap out of it before throwing the door open.
"apologies, um i didnt think they did unisex dorms here."
"i wasnt expecting this either this is um C36 right?"
"yeah yeah you're right, well welcome to your dorm Harry..." i trail off not knowing his last name hoping he'd fill in the blank.
"styles!" he smirks holding out his hand and I place my hand in his giving it a shake.
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"oh my god! harry!" i squeak covering my eyes as i step into our shared dorm, a topless girl perked up on his bed.
"sorry! sorry i thought you were staying out with your mom the rest of the weekend!" harry says, rustling is heard in the background before im gentle moved to over and the door is heard opening. "you can open your eyes bunny."
i peak through my fingers and find our room empty, just the two of us. "i would've left har, you could've asked you know i dont mind." i mumble dropping my bags on my bed.
"nonsense i would rather spend time with you bun, though uh -if you dont mind me asking- why are you back so early?" he asked sitting us on my bed, i sit crisscross in front of him before tears start welding up in my eyes.
"god that woman is so fucking cruel to me har." i gasp out a sob as tears fall freely down my face.
"whoa bunny breathe for me." harry hums pulling me into his arms, broken sobs hiccup through me as i weep like a baby into harry.
"i do everything she wants, im trying to appease her and nothing is ever good enough it's either 'you look too chubby', 'you're face looks dull, use more moisturiser.' 'are you working out?' i'm sick of it!" i hiccup, "as soon as i got there she just starts listening all the things i embarrass her with. 'no daughter of mine should be in college, i got a nice boy down the street who comes with money and would love to be with you if you lost a couple of pounds.' i dont want that har, i've studied my whole life to be here. i want to be a librarian, have my own little bookstore that is where my happiness is and im not going to let her drag me down." i finish my rants tears and snot running down my face and into my hands.
harry stays quite for a little bit, rocking us slowly back and forth, i feel his lips press against my head before he lifts my head to look at him. he wipes away my tears before smiling lightly.
"you're a fighter, bunny. im proud of you, for not letting this woman take control of your life. for being your own goddamn person." he whispered to me before yanking me into a hug and tickling my sides, a laugh erupts from me before i start thrashing in his arms
"harry! stop!" i laugh before he lays on top of my the air literally being knocked out of me, "oof! you fat ass get off of me!"
"gasp! how dare you!" he gives me a cheeky smile before rolling off of me. "want to go get fro yo? on me obviously."
"ugh!" i fake displeasure rolling my eyes, "only because you want some and are paying sure."
harrys pov
i watch as y/n throws a hoodie over her head, i pull my bottom lip between my teeth looking at her legs on display, nice thick thighs and a ass that would make god sin. her face fresh with tears making her glow as bright as a star, a beautiful natural blush on her brown skin, lips plump.
a down right goddess.
"can we stop by a 7/11, momma needs some chips." she smirks pulling me out of thought as i burst into laughter.
"you're a clown!" i snort sliding on some shoes and grabbing my lanyard, i open the door for her and let her slide through, taking time watching her walk from behind before joining her.
" 'm so lonely i might take up that woman's offer with the boy down the street." she breaks the silence shoving her keys in her purse, my heart plummets.
fuck no.
"bunny you can do so much better than a man that will only want you if you lost weight." i sternly say and she snorts.
"well im waiting and theres no one in a 20 mile radius that would want me."
if only you knew bunny.
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LOVE YALL REQUEST MORE BULLSHIT!!
-all the love,
em
xo🐝
272 notes · View notes
writingsfromhome · 4 months
Text
If you Love Something
A/N: this has been an idea sitting in my drafts for a while. You and Harry had a brief but intense relationship as teenagers, were forced to make a serious decision then, and it’s aftereffects have lingered for the rest of your lives. It deals with some heavier topics so read with caution (alcoholism, depression, unwanted pregnancy etc). I’d describe it as sad but hopeful.
Part 2
—————————————
Age 17.
It started in secret. We’d found each other on the roof of a house party. Truth be told, I saw him sneak out of the window where people were crowded around the TV watching some controversial music video I hadn’t heard about. And I’d followed.
I knew who Harry was. Had him in English, Maths, and Biology last year. He was well spoken, thoughtful, and silly. I never spoke to him once though. Only admired him from afar.
Tonight I had my first drink and then another. I was feeling buzzed and despite being painfully shy for most of the time I’d known everyone here, I was suddenly gripped by the realization that we were approaching the last year we would all be together. Why had I waited this long to pursue someone I thought was cute?
I snuck out after him, when my friends weren’t looking. I even tilted the window more closed than usual so no one would suspect anything; I had the attic room at home so I knew how to maneuver the angled roof to get comfortable.
“You need any help?” Harry’s voice is clear in the silence.
“I’m alright.” I stand up to peer at him. He’s climbed near the top.
“Sure? You don’t seem steady.”
“Oh I’m steady,” I prove it to him by climbing up to where he was. “See?”
“I’m mistaken. My bad.” He holds out a hand to help me sit beside him and the night sky flashes brighter for an instant when I grasp his hand. My stomach is in knots.
“Harry. Styles.” I don’t know why I say his full name but I was nervous.
He repeats my full name back to me. I don’t know why I’m surprised he knows it. It’s not like we went to a big school.
“What brings you out here?”
I try to be bold about it, “You?”
“Party was getting too much.” He says. I stare at him in confusion while he complains about something his friends had gotten up to.
I replay my answer and realized it sounded like I’d skipped answering his question and asked the question back. Bugger.
“You know my name.” I interrupt him, forgetting he was telling me a story. Awkward.
“Yeah? Of course I do.”
“We’ve never talked.”
“We talked. Once in Maths. We had to grade each other’s answers.”
Oh yeah. I burn when I remember the 4/10 he’d given me with a smiley face saying that maths was masochistic.
“Barely.”
“I know you though,” he says with a softness that makes my heart stutter.
“Do you?” I look to him, resting my chin on my shoulder. He gazes down at me and I swear I could taste the colours around us.
His eyes draw me deeper as he inches closer. Was he going to kiss me? Oh my god.
I look back out to the roof and he jerks away. Omg.
“I do.”
“Oh,” I don’t know what to do after that awkward moment.
“I know you’re really quiet and shy but your smile is so loud you can see it from across the room.” He says and my breath catches as he continues. “You’re yourself with your friends, you really like Harry Potter and field hockey. You would kill Mal Adams if you could get away with it and you hate Maths just as much as you love art. You’re dating Oli Graves but your smile is only ever shining half as bright when you’re around him. Can I go on?”
I stop breathing completely halfway through his declaration of knowing me. All this time I had my eye on him, I didn’t know he was watching me too.
“I didn’t ask you for your opinion on my relationship.”
“You didn’t. I didn’t give you one either.”
I glare at him. He was right. He smiles knowing he was. I’m mad that I’m not mad at him. That he was right.
“What are you doing with a guy like that?”
Oli and I had been dating for 7 months now. He was loud and fun in a way I wish I could be. That’s why I liked him so much. That’s why I was at a party like this to begin with.
“He’s a good guy.”
“That’s all?” He asks. I look over but he’s looking up at the sky. I follow his gaze and get lost in the great expanse of nighttime.
“I think you deserve someone who sees you. Don’t you?”
“Did Ally see you?” I ask with a hint of aggression I didn’t mean to have.
“Ally and I broke up during Easter. So there’s your answer.” He’s unbothered.
“Well what do you want?” I ask.
“Right now? Or in life?”
I shrug. “Both?”
“I want to explore the world and meet all kinds of people. I wanna make the world a better place by being in it. It’s cheesy as shit so if you ever said I said this I’ll deny it and you’ll look like-“
“My lips are sealed.” I turn his way to promise him that. It makes me laugh at how serious he looks saying it all and when I do his face relaxes.
“You laugh is nice too. I forgot to mention that.”
That quiets me very quickly.
“And right now,” he continues. “I’d really like to kiss you.”
My ears ring. Did I hear him right? Could you get so drunk you hallucinate? I swear the cold air had sobered me-
“Did you hear what I said?” Harry’s moved in closer to me. Did I? I don’t know.
“What d-“
“I’d like to kiss you.”
I nod, afraid to talk and realize I’d hallucinated him saying that.
The world melts away when he kisses me. It’s tender, nothing like Oli and his jagged pushy kissing. In the nighttime air it’s warm, and soft, and easy.
“I know you,” Harry says when we part. I’d nearly climbed into his lap and I try to edge away, embarrassed, but he keeps a hand firm on my thigh.
“I know you too Harry,” I breathe. He smiles and it crinkles his luscious eyes.
I think I was falling.
***
We keep it a secret after I break up with Oli. For months, until mid-August when I invite him over for dinner after my mom insists on meeting “the boy I was all doe-eyed over”. The night with my family goes so well—Harry is the picture of a courteous gentleman that even my sister is swayed by him despite saying boys were gross. I ask him to hang out, in public, the next day. He doesn’t hesitate to say yes.
That’s what I love about Harry—yes love. He’s not pushy, he lets me go at my own pace. He respects me and sees me for everything I am and loves me anyway. I wanted to spend my whole life with him.
It was so intense and relaxed at the same time. It felt like no relationship I’d been in before. I felt different being with him, even my friends noticed.
When final year started, Harry and I were official but we didn’t flaunt it. We didn’t need to. My friends knew about us and they were happy for us, they told me I was more me. Whatever that meant.
Life was phenomenal and I was living in a dusky haze. Nothing could touch us.
Until one day in February. I was out with my sister, mum didn’t want to take her out and since I recently got my driver’s license with plenty of lessons from Harry, I was driving her to the mall. She needed Valentine’s Day cards.
“I thought you said love is stupid.” I remind her on the way.
“It is.”
“So why the hell am I driving you to buy cards for a made up holiday?”
“Because!” She crosses her arms and stares out the window. I flick her arm at a red light.
“You have a crush.”
“I do not!”
“Do too. Who is it? James? Mattie? Hamid?”
“Ew! They’re freaks.” My sister continues staring out the window.
“Why do you want to buy cards so bad!?”
“I just want them! For my friends!”
“Okay then,” I didn’t believe her. But I couldn’t bring her home crying or mum would ground me.
A lot of places have slim pickings. Wandering the aisle of Waterstones I catch sight of a family friend. She was my dad’s uni friend’s daughter, a few years older than me but by the time I got to secondary she had dropped out after getting pregnant. I remember the buzz when everyone found out.
I avoid her and find an aisle to occupy myself.
Harry and I were always careful, mum had already given me the talk and he never pressured me to do anything I didn’t. I imagine Harry as a dad. He would make a good one I think.
As one thought leads to another I go cold as I realize something. My last period was during the holidays.
I feel like I’m walking in a swarm of locusts as I walk to the edge of the aisle, scanning for my sister. Maybe I can pop into a pharmacy before she’s done. Maybe…
This was crazy. It was probably just a missed period.
But if it isn’t, another voice asks. I felt it in my gut. I had to do this.
I don’t remember getting home. I don’t remember anything about the rest of that day except two faint lines, and then two faint lines again, and a third time. I fall asleep before dinner that night and shut the world out.
***
“I know something’s wrong.” Harry’s walking me home after school. It’s Valentine’s Day and he’d been nothing but sweet. He bought me chocolates, flowers, and we planned to cook dinner together after school. I had bought him chocolates too, and had written him a heartfelt note with a bunch of photos of us weeks ago. The box was in my room, waiting for tonight. “Do you not like the flowers? Or is it dinner? We can go out somewhere instead?”
“No everything’s lovely.” I’d never heard Harry this desperate before. It gets under my skin even though part of me knows that’s not really it. But having him hover over me all week trying to figure out what was wrong was too much.
I’d spent every night this week with a hand over my belly. Thinking about it. I hadn’t told anyone. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. All I can think of was Jenny and I didn’t want that life. I couldn’t. I couldn’t be a mother.
“Please. What’s the matter.” Harry asks again, tugging at my hands but I pull them away.
“I just need some space!” I shout and he flinches. “I’m sorry Harry. I just need space right now.”
“Right now like…” he scratches his head. “I don’t get you. It’s Valentine’s Day, we’ve been talking about this day for weeks what do you mean you want space?”
“I can’t do this right now. Please.”
“Are you-are we…”
“I’m not breaking up with you.” I look at Harry with tears in my eyes, I didn’t want to cry out here. But every time I look at him I remember the reality. What’s growing inside me. I can’t take it. “I just can’t do today.”
I go inside my house. Leave him without further explanation. I feel awful, I can’t hold the tears in long enough to get to my room.
***
“Hey love?” My mum and dad knock on my door at half past 5. I lay in the dark, having cried myself dry. “We’re worried about you. Can we talk.”
“I can’t.” I say, voice stuffy.
“I thought you and that boyfriend of yours had plans,” dad says. He liked Harry but he rarely called him by his name. “Did something happen?”
“No!” I wanted them to leave me alone. “I just. I had to cancel. I’m fine.”
“Don’t sound fine to me love,” I feel the mattress dip as mum sits down. Dad strokes my hair. They whisper something I can’t hear and a pair of footsteps pad out of my room.
“Mum just leave me alone.” I try again.
“I’m not.” She pushes me further into my bed and leans down, tugging my blanket down. When I finally look at her she smiles kindly and kisses my forehead. That fills me up enough to start wailing again. “Oh love, what’s wrong?”
“Everything!” I sob into my blanket. Mom lays down beside me and I let myself be cradled like a child. God, I had a child. This was so fucked.
“Talk to me. We can figure it out together.”
I don’t know how my parents would react. They were never particularly strict, especially after what happened with Jenny I remember them always being sympathetic. We even visited her in hospital with a gift.
Mum strokes my hair and whispers that it’ll be okay. Slowly my sobbing eases into light sniffles. I had to tell her. She would know what to do. And if she hated me for it, I would just have to deal with it.
“Mum don’t be mad-“
“I won’t honey I-“
“No. Mum.” I cut her off. She moves back on the pillow so she can see my whole face, moving a strand of hair so I couldn’t hide. “Something…messed up. Happened. And…I was careful. We were always careful I don’t know what happened but I-“
I watch her face changed. Like she knew. She knew what was coming but she waits patiently as I muster up the courage to say the words that felt too real once I said them.
“Mum I’m…I’m pregnant.”
Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip. What was she thinking? Was she crying for me or with me? Why wasn’t she saying anything!?
“Mum-“
“C’mere.” She wraps me in her embrace again and kisses the top of my head. My body feels drained and limp. I finally told somebody. It was real. This living thing inside of me was real.
“What happened?” She asks next. And I tell her what I think happened. When. How I found out. She listens, holding my hand in hers. When I’m done and it’s poured out of me she smiles supportively. “This isn’t a bad thing okay? It’s okay. Any decision you make is up to you. I’ll talk to your dad but just know you call the shots okay? I love you.”
This is what carries me. The love.
She asks me it I told Harry yet and I tell her the truth. She urges me to tell him. I tell her I wanted to so bad but I was scared.
She leaves shortly after that, I hear her talking softly outside my room. Nobody calls me for dinner until 7, a soft knock on my door. My sister would never be so soft, I assume it’s dad so I tell him to come in. I was scared to face him.
It’s Harry instead.
“Harry!” I cover my splotchy face with my blanket, why was he here? Did mum invite him? This was soo embarrassing.
My heart pounds and Harry is silent until he takes a seat where mum had previously been.
“I came over, your mum invited me. She explained.”
She did what? For a moment I feel betrayed.
“She said you weren’t doing so well. Stressed? I could make you some tea if you’d like. But I told you y/n, you’ll get into unis. You don’t have to worry so…”
I sigh. Mum had told him a half-truth. But he had come. Of course he had.
I couldn’t even think about uni right now because that lead me down a road of what if I couldn’t go because I had a baby. And that life felt so bleak it made me depressed.
“Harry.” I inch my blanket down a little and his eyes go round when he looks at me.
“You look…awful.”
“I know.” I cover my face with my hair but he brushes it away and kisses my forehead.
“No. I’m worried about you. I brought dinner-“
“Oh Harry.” I spot the bag he brought with him.
“I made it all for us. With my mum’s help but mostly me. I packed it to bring to you.”
I didn’t deserve him. And I had to tell him. And he was going to break up with me. What high school boy wanted a child?
“Harry it’s not uni.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I was carrying another living thing. It was the size of a seed but I was carrying it inside me. Like a living breathing pot. I was a potted plant.
“Then what is it?” His brows crinkle. “Is it us?”
“No!” I rush to tell him. “I…I don’t know how to say this. And I don’t know how you’re going to react but it’s okay either way.”
“What are you talking about?” His hands slide up my lap. “What is it?”
“Harry. I’m um, I’m pregnant.”
I watch him freeze and stay exactly how he is, his brows pinch ever so slightly. I knew this look. He looked still on the outside but his mind was racing. And I was scared what was racing through it.
“Pregnant?”
“Yeah. From…the holidays.”
“How did-I thought we-“
“I guess it’s not foolproof.” I whisper. Mum had told me to go on the pill, and I hadn’t listened because all my friends told me it made them gain weight. If only I had listened. Now I was gaining weight anyway.
“What are we going to do?” He asks next. And I never realized six little words could weigh the world. If I could cut those words out and surgically implant them into my heart I would. Just to remind me the equal parts relieved and comforted they made me.
I hold his face in my hands, new tears springing to my eyes. He was in this. With me.
He kisses me and pulls me into a hug. I cry into his shirt again and he holds me so tight I swear I could break.
“I don’t know if I can keep it Harry,” I finally whisper to him.
His hands fist in my shirt, he holds his breath and after a long minute he lets me go with it.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” Was he really okay with all this?
“It’s…I can’t make you keep it.”
“You’d want to keep it?” I couldn’t believe it.
“It’s…” he swallows his sentence and keeps his gaze on my stomach. I tug his hand and lay it over it. When his eyes meet mine I see a hint of heartbreak. We were going to break our hearts either way I think.
Not once did I think he might want to keep it.
“It’s okay.” Harry finally says. “We’re so young right? How would we keep a baby and go to school, and do everything we always talk about?”
“Yeah I don’t…I don’t know.”
“I love you.” He says with such a sudden passion. I wrap my arms around his and return the sentiment.
Eventually we lay down and just talk about everything. Truthfully, my head was telling me not to keep the baby but everything else felt dead thinking about it.
Maybe that’s why it took me until April to finally make a decision. It was the size of a plum by then, and a tiny bump was starting to show but only when I stood naked in front of the mirror. With clothes on, nobody was the wiser. But the longer I kept it, I think the more Harry fell in love with it. The idea of it.
We have a long talk during our Easter holiday. We talked in my bedroom until the sun comes up. I tell him I was sure of my decision.
I’d gotten accepted to Cambridge by then. Harry was staying in London. We knew it wasn’t feasible. To live the life we always wanted, we had to get rid of this new life we never knew could happen.
I don’t know why but I don’t tell him the day I go to do it. I go with my mum. Mum drops my sister off at school—she didn’t know. Mum said she had a big mouth.
We drive in silence. When we park mum asks how I feel.
“Sad.” It was the truth. I knew this was right. But it felt like shite.
“Yeah.” She rubs my hands. “Want to go in?”
“I just want to sit here for a bit.” I tell her.
“Okay. I’ll go sign you in.”
She takes my purse and hers and leaves me there. I take the moment to ground myself. Say goodbye to the other future.
When mum knocks on my window I jump.
“Yn? Is everything alright?”
“Yeah yeah I’m coming in.” I open the door.
“You know you’ve been sitting here half hour?”
I pause, one leg out the door and one still in. “I…I must have got lost in my head. Sorry mum-“
“Look. Do you want to do this?”
“I don’t know…I have to.”
“There are other options love-“
“But how can I give it up and live my whole life like that?”
“We can help raise her. You can go on and live your life-“
“I’d be a horrible mother.” Mum and I had this row so many times before. It always ended in me storming away but I couldn’t here.
“You don’t need to make the decision today.”
“But I do.” I tell her. “Otherwise it’ll drive me insane.”
I tuck both feet back into the car and rest my hand on my belly. I’d allowed myself to do that only in my room, when I was alone. Doing it out here made it feel even more real. Suddenly I couldn’t imagine going through with the decision.
“I can’t do this.” I tell my mum.
She smooths my hair down and kisses my temple. My door closes and a few seconds later she climbs in beside me.
“Think about it.”
“I can’t. But I can’t keep it either.”
“Okay.” Mum pulls me into her and I think I should cry but I can’t. I’m calm, maybe I know I’d made the right decision. Or just a decision. I was going to stick to this.
“I can’t raise it. I’m just a child I…maybe someone out there wants a baby and can’t have one maybe-“
“I’ll look into it for you.” Mum promises. “You set the rules remember?”
And that’s how it goes. Mum looks into it, we decide to go for adoption. We go to the hospital on the first warm day of the year. By then I’d taken to wearing jumpers over flowy dresses and been thankful for the first time in my life that I wasn’t skinny like other girls. At most angles you couldn’t tell my belly was so perfectly round.
By then too, Harry had accepted the decision. He seemed relieved. Thinking aloud he’d said maybe he could raise it, but quickly turned around when I asked him what he’d do about uni.
“Someone out there can take care of it better than us. Someone will love the baby like we do.”
During the summer, I tell all my friends I was staying with family in midlands. And I do go up there, that’s where the couple who was adopting lived. Harry and I meet them with my mum and his. It’s awkward, we run out of conversation fast. But their house is big and they already have a 2 year old from an adoption last year. My baby was going to be loved here. And have a sibling.
“We did want to discuss one last thing,” they’d said before we left. We all listen intently. “We…find it best when it’s a no contact adoption. We’ve had a lot of friends who keep contact open and it gets messy-“
“What?” I hadn’t really thought about this until now. Hearing I’d have to give the baby up and go on like it didn’t exist felt wrong. Harry’s hand slips into mine.
“This is typical,” Harry’s mum says from his side. “Let’s hear it out.”
“Right. So just to prevent future complications, we do no contact. Of course when baby’s older and wants to seek out the real parents we can’t stop them. But until then…”
“Thank you.” My mum steps in when it goes silent. I could hardly wrap my head around what they were saying. When it gets older?
Pretty soon mum is ushering me out and Harry’s hand is still clutching mine. We don’t let go until we reach my Uncle’s where we were staying until August. The baby was due in September. I was going to miss the first week of class.
“I can’t do this.” I tell them later. “How can we just have no contact.”
“I thought you knew.” Mum says. “I explained that some parents want this when they adopt.”
She might have. Ever since I hit the third trimester like my doctor said, I’ve had a hard time listening and understanding what someone was saying after they spoke too long. I was glad school was done—for obvious reasons, but also for not having to sit in a class and learn.
“We have no other choice.” Harry says from beside me. He rubs my back and slowly, I zone back into the conversation. “We can find another family but they might want the same thing.”
“What if the baby never looks for us?” I turn to him, our heads press against the other’s. “What if we go our whole lives just wondering?”
“What’s the other option?” Harry whispers. He was right. I just didn’t want to get it.
Acceptance slowly creeps into me over the course of the summer. It was always hot carrying another person around, I was always hungry and thirsty, and very cranky. Harry came up to see me every other weekend when he could, mum stayed with me and that summer was one I could never forget.
It was September 1st, a particularly hot day. Rain fell in the afternoon and by the time the unforgiving sun set, the cool air was heavenly.
I sat by the bedroom window, moisturizing my belly like mum had shown me, talking to the baby. I wrote it a letter last week all about me, that I loved them and hoped the best for them. I told the baby about my family, how Harry and I met, and then I sealed it in an envelope with a picture of Harry and me. It was taken last Halloween when we’d both dressed up as each other. I tell mum to give it to the new parents. In case the day came the baby wondered about who we were.
As I spoke softly, I felt a gush of something wet down my leg.
“What?” I stand up, confused. “I…”
It takes me a second. I was going into labour.
“Mum!” I shout. “Mum! Come here!”
She rushes in and confirms it. It was happening.
“But it’s supposed to be next week!” I try not to panic but that’s all I can do as mum grabs our things and my aunt rushes to the car. “Does this mean something’s wrong? Is the baby o-“
I freeze as a contraction forces me to fold. I’d felt the kicking and the nausea and everything in between but these. These were a bitch.
Somehow we make it to hospital. Somehow I lay on a bed and push when the doctor tells me to. I nearly pass out. I just wanted Harry here with me. He didn’t know his kid was being born.
With a final push that felt like I was ascending my body and leaving it behind, I hear a wail and I cry. The baby was out, they cried and everything was okay.
“Okay congratulations mummy,” a nurse crouches down to me. “We’re going to clean you and baby up. She’s healthy and looks okay.”
“What?” I can barely see with my hair in my face and the nurses around me. It was a she? I had a baby girl?
We were never told the gender, so we wouldn’t get attached. But I had a baby girl. The nurse just called me mum.
I feel the tears on my cheeks, I was crying too. I try to look around me but a new nurse is talking in hushed voices to the doctor.
“…outside…call…adoption…shouldn’t or….contact-“
“What’s going on?” I can barely get the words out. “What?”
“Oh my love,” suddenly mum’s in the room and things are a bit better. A bit better.
“Mum what’s going on?”
“The baby’s born. The parents are outside they’re going to meet her soon.”
“What?” I look at mum’s face and it’s shining with tears. Why was she crying?
“Oh she’s beautiful love, she’s perfect. But your job’s done now. You should rest.”
“Mum,” I cry. “Where is she? Can’t I hold her?”
“No love,” mum moves my hair out of my face. I feel something break in half inside of me. I couldn’t even hold the baby? The baby girl? Mine and Harry’s baby girl?
“Why? Mum why? I just want to see her-“
“I’m sorry,” mum says through tears. “It’s just the way it is. She’s going to a loving home okay? She’s good. You’re okay.”
I can’t stop crying. I was going to lose her last April and I stopped that but I lost her anyway. My baby, I was never going to see her.
I remember when my sister was born. I was 5 and I was angry she’d taken the attention away. But when I saw her with her perfect toes and angel face I was obsessed with her. I even remember her first steps, she’d taken them at a park with mum and dad and me together. I was never going to know these things about my own baby. I was never going to know her.
I must pass out soon after. I remember waking up to the nurses instructing me about something. I’m half asleep and barely remember what I did when I get up. When I do wake it’s morning and there’s a figure on the chair beside me.
“You’re up.”
Harry. Relief washes over me knowing he’s here.
“Harry they took her,” I tell him.
“I know. I know yn.”
I move aside and he crawls into bed with me. I must look disgusting but he watches me with love brimming in his eyes. I can tell he’s been crying.
“I feel empty,” I whisper. Like someone had carved me out like a pumpkin. Something I’d had with me all year was gone. “How can I just move on? Start uni and all that when I…they just took her.”
“I keep thinking that.” Harry says. “Khalil invited me to a party to meet some blokes from uni and I just sat in my car the whole time. I couldn’t even go in. She…she was never going to be ours.”
“I feel awful.” I burrow into his neck as he strokes my hair. “A baby girl.”
“A baby girl,” Harry echoes.
***
I head to uni a week later. My body still feels like it fought a war and lost. It’s like it still thinks there’s a baby there. I produce milk for a few days, continue to have contractions, my belly is saggier than usual and I can’t stop crying about everything.
My dad drops me off to uni. He tells me he was proud of me, that I was always his baby girl. I cry then just like I cried at home when I said bye to mum, or when my sister hugged me which she never does. I can’t stop crying.
When I move into my dorm I feel like a completely different person than I thought I was going to be. My dormmate fills me in on everything she’s learned, complains about a boy and a party and it just feels so irrelevant to me. Did I used to care about those things? I had a baby. And now I didn’t.
By October, Harry and I are in different worlds. We hadn’t broken up but we talk weekly. Each week there’s less to talk about. When I visit home in October, being around him just makes me sad. He tries to cheer me up, make it like old times, but I know he’s hurting inside too.
I decide to do the breaking up. And at first he’s angry, insisting we could make it work. He actually refuses and walks away. We don’t talk for a whole day.
But at a house party in South where his uni mates were from, he accepts the end.
Through tears we kiss each other one final time, we whisper sweet nothings, we pour into each other all the hopes and wishes we had for each other.
When he hugs me for the last time I leave something behind. It’s similar to waking up the morning after my delivery and knowing something was gone. I really feel the shape of the loss. It sits in my sternum, a hole that grows smaller with time, but not just yet.
I fall into a depressed state for most of my first semester but my dormmate doesn’t give up on me and eventually I go to my first uni party. Eventually my brain fog clears and I actually go to all my classes. Eventually my life, on the outside, looks like it could be back to normal but inside I ache with the loss. So much that it becomes part of me. I don’t know where it ends, and I begin. It lives in me.
Age 23.
“The first of many hey?” Mal clinks his bottle to mine. I barely knew Mal but we were both friends with Khalil and therefore both at his stag.
“Before you know it we’re all going down,” one of Khalil’s friends joins in. “Stag after stag, suit after suit, it’s gonna be a blur man.”
“Let’s enjoy it while we can!” Someone cheers and everyone raises their beers. I toast with a smile; blokes loved to act like being in a relationship was the last thing they wanted when I knew most of them were mush in their girlfriend’s hands.
I also smile knowing I bought an engagement ring a few weeks back. I wanted to propose to Shannon, we met on her 22 when a friend invited me along. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the birthday girl. We’d been together since.
“Who do you think’s next?” The bets start going and nobody bets on me. Everyone always thought Shan was too good for me, they were counting on us breaking up. I was going to prove them all wrong.
The night gets sloppier until we all head back to the air bnb we’d rented for this. Tomorrow we were all supposed to go play golf like we were cosplaying old money bastards when we all knew we were just broke blokes from East. But I guaranteed they’d all be too hungover. We would get to the club and just drink the hangovers away.
And I’m right. I update Shan that I’m right when the boys stay in the dining area of the club. They decide on lunch and I step out to talk to my girlfriend.
“No birds allowed this weekend,” someone pipes in when I excuse myself.
“That’s just cuz you’re miserable Eli.” I brush past as the boys laugh. At me. And him.
I catch up with Shan. It was a bright day for September and I stay a little longer after the phone ends. Shan was in med school, she was always stressed or sleep deprived. I tried to support her the best I could—right now she needed moral support that she was going to get an internship she was applying for.
“Mummy doesn’t like when I have sweets,” a small voice says to my left. I look at a father with his daughter. He’s crouched down zipping her sweater up while she rambles on.
“Well it’s going to be our secret.” The dad says. “Sundays are for sweets aren’t they?”
“I love sweets.” She responds.
The father catches my eye and I shoot him a smile.
“Her mum’s going to hear every detail when we get home,” he says as he stands. “Can’t keep a secret to save her life.”
I laugh. The way she was rambling on, I didn’t think so. “How old’s she?”
“6.” He says, smiling down at her fondly. My heart aches.
“Almost 7.” She corrects her dad.
“Birthday’s in the spring.” He says more to me. “But almost 7 sure.”
I see them leave with one more shared smile, like we’re in on something. I imagine that’s how it would feel to be a parent. Always knowing something your kid doesn’t.
My daughter was 6. Wherever she was.
Thinking about the daughter I never had, the girl I lost always leaves me a little winded. Today’s no different.
Yn and I both made an agreement and it had been the hardest thing I’d done. Letting her go. It took me a proper year to even think about moving on.
I liked to think about yn, doing everything she wanted to do. But when I thought about the baby I spiralled into a dark pit. Sometimes when I drank too much, it pulled me in too deep to get out of. That’s what Shan liked to call my depressive drinking. She’s limited me to 3 drinks since.
Before I go in I take a minute to think about yn, where she might be. I hear from friends in high school random facts about her life. But I wonder how she’s doing. If she thinks about our baby like I do. How life would have been if I’d been here, calling her on the phone instead, asking if our baby girl was doing alright.
Age 29.
I stare at the nape of the man in front of me. It couldn’t be, but I’d memorized the back of his head—amongst other things, nearly 2 decades ago and I would bet £1000 I knew who this was. But I continue staring until the cashier rings him up.
In the same voice I remember, the one from my memories and my fantasies, I hear him say: “debit.”
I wait for him to pay before saying, “Harry?”
He turns so quickly he drops his card, wallet, and keys.
“Hi!” I laugh awkwardly and crouch down to help him pick his things up. There’s an awareness that the people in the queue behind me are witness to a moment that feels more intimate than a grocery store chat and it makes me shrink a little in my shell like a spooked turtle.
“Hi I-uh,” Harry short-circuits in front of me as the bored cashier holds his receipt out and stares at him with eyes that have worked one shift too many.
“I’ll just bag-“
“Yeah we can talk later.” I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile but it feels watery. I couldn’t believe of all the places I’d run into him, it was a grocery queue. How intense in such a mundane place.
As I watch my total rise on screen I risk a glance at Harry. His hand hovers over a white reusable bag, I wonder if that was his. Or his wife’s. If they did their weekly shop in a mismatch of bags that looked like that or they were the type of couple to have a set.
His eyes are on me though, somehow here and not here. I feel the same way.
I look back to the cashier asking me how I was paying. She glances between Harry and I. I don’t look back at him. Or the growing queue a few feet away.
I take my groceries—just some items my mum asked me to pick up, and stuff them into the tote I’m wearing. Harry waits for me by the exit.
“Hi.” He says as his eyes scan my face. I do the same, taking in all the ways time had spent with him. It must have been good—he looked good. “I can’t believe-“
“A Whole Foods of all places.” I laugh. A grin splits his face but his eyes stay on me.
“That smile, that laugh. God I’ve missed you.”
“I…missed you too.” How I could miss someone I’d known for one year and then never again for nearly two decades…I didn’t realize it was possible until now.
“Are you busy?” He asks. “Maybe we can grab a drink or?”
“I don’t…drink.” I hated that I had to announce it to people. I was still at the stage where I was figuring out how to say it confidently, or find a way around saying it.
“Oh.” Harry glances down at my belly and I realize he’d misunderstood but it’s too unspoken to correct him. “Cafe?”
“Yeah. That sounds lovely.” Honestly going anywhere with him sounded lovely right now. I wanted to cancel all my plans for the day and just sit with him. Stare at him and catch up. I couldn’t believe he was here.
We walk in a comfortable but waiting silence, like taking a cold drink out to a park with the anticipation it’s going to be good , and no desperation to open it as soon as you get it.
“Usual? Tea?” Harry asks when we step into a nearby cafe. It’s big for a cafe but has enough students working on laptops to not feel empty. I nod, unsure how to feel that Harry still knows what I order at a cafe. Or that my order hasn’t changed since 17.
I find us a booth and pretty soon he’s sliding into the seat across from me. The two of us can’t stop smiling.
“Hi,” he says again.
“Hi…”
“You look good, the same but better.”
“I was going to say the same thing about you!” I exclaim. More smiling.
“How’s…I mean, how are you? How is everything? What-“
“There’s so much to ask-“
“I don’t even know how to ask what I want to know!” Harry laughs and I’m warmed from the inside out at the sound of it.
“This shouldn’t be hard!”
“No.” He scrubs his face. “I’m really buzzing that we’ve run into each other.”
“Me too. It’s a bit unbelievable.”
“I know.” He continues gripping his cup and not taking his eyes off of me. It’s the exact way he used to look at me when we were teenagers. It nearly takes my breath away. “You look good—but I already said that. Sorry.”
“No,” I laugh. “That’s all that’s running through my head.”
“Oh—I remember hearing you were engaged a few years ago-“
“Yeah.” I turn my hand so he can see the ring. “Married now. You?”
“Yeah,” he looks down at his own hand. He had so many rings on I couldn’t tell from a glance. “Coming up to 5 years now.”
“Wow. It’s only 1.5 for me but Tatum and I—my husband, we’d been since uni.”
“Took him a while.”
“Mhm,” it had been a sore subject way back then. Harry says it casually but he studies my face. I know he wants to ask more but he’ll politely maneuver around it.
“Are you happy?”
I let out a breath. “That’s more complicated than anything else you could ask!”
“Is it?”
“Yeah I-“ I shrug. “I don’t know if I am. But I also have no idea what I could do about it. So. There’s that.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” My stomach curdles with his words. I didn’t want pity, least of all from Harry. Harry. I can’t believe he was here. “I get it though. Everyone says your 30s are even more glorious than your 20s. We’ll see soon enough if they’re right.”
I meet his eye, they always intimidated me to look too long into. Even now, I glance back down at my drink. When I look up again he has a wry smile twisting his lips. He knew.
I was sorry to hear life hadn’t been as good for him. And then I understand, it wasn’t pity he was giving me. He truly was sorry like I.
I thought about Harry often. Of course I did. I liked to imagine him living out his dreams like he always talked about. I liked to imagine him happy and thriving.
“Do you ever think about us?” I have to ask. “If we did it all differently?”
“We would have had a 12 year old with us.”
Hearing him say it feels like someone had taken a screwdriver and opened me up. Raw and exposed. But looking at him I know he thought about her as much as I had. Both of us were apparently mourning a future neither of us had fought for.
“Yeah,” I breathe but I just sound winded.
“We were trying, at one point—Shan and I.” Harry fiddles with his ring. “Did all the tests and the trials and the shite. But no kids. It put a real strain on my relationship. I think we cracked instead of bending. And I don’t think either of us know how to make it right again.”
I grasp his hand and squeeze. “I know what that’s like. It’s hard. I…a couple years ago. I lost a baby. A baby boy. I felt like it was a punishment for-“
“Don’t.”
We hold onto each other, our drinks long forgotten. He holds my hand and it feels like being known again, like I wasn’t such an awful person. That someone could see everything I’ve done and still choose to have love for me.
“I’m sorry.” He tells me.
“Me too.” I bite my lip. With a sigh I let him go and lean back. Here we’d been so excited to bump into each other but we’d both been carrying sorrow and grief. It wasn’t very hopeful.
“So I guess you’re not drinking because you’re-“
“No.” I say, surprisingly without feeling awkward. “I’m just sober right now. Trying to figure out life without a drink.”
“Sounds like torture but I respect that. Sounds hard.”
“It was at first. I like the feeling now of thinking clearly. But I miss a glass of wine I do sometimes.”
We smile at each other.
“So do you live around here?” Harry broaches talking again after both of us had lapsed into silence for a while. I blink away the fog of the past.
“Yeah. You?”
“Nah. Shan’s out of town and I was feeling lonely. Came over to visit my sister. I’m just staying with her for the week.”
“Lucky me then.” I smile.
“Lucky me too.” He smiles back. It’s soft. We’re soft. It felt impossible to me after all this time the tenderness was still the strongest thing between us.
We chat a bit more, much about nothing. What we did for a job, anyone we still kept in touch with from school. Nothing that meant a lot.
“I need to head off now,” I say when my phone buzzes for a second time. “I was on my way to my mum’s. She keeps calling me.”
“Yeah. Don’t want to keep you.” Harry says but he stays seated. So do I.
We continue just studying the other until my phone rings again and I laugh. “It was…I really loved seeing you.”
I slide out and Harry mirrors me. I still come to his chest, he still smells the same and stands the same and looks just as handsome.
“How about uhm, how about dinner some time?” Harry asks. I knew it was coming, it’s still painful saying no.
“I…can’t. I…we can’t just do dinner, can we?”
“No,” Harry bows his head. We had too much history to just do dinner. From what he said—and I knew, both our lives were too complicated to add the allure of each other into the mix. I couldn’t do that to my life as tempted as I was. Especially not sober.
“Yeah.” He stands straight again and gives me space to head to the door. “Good seeing you. Give your mum my best if she doesn’t hate me.”
“She doesn’t.” I assure him. We stand awkwardly not sure if a kiss, a hug, or a wave was appropriate. We settle for a hug.
I remember the last time I was enveloped in his arms, tucked away into his tall frame. When we said goodbye forever, agreed to live our best lives separately. We’d both been too scarred to be anything together. Too much grief.
“Maybe we’ll run into each other again.” Harry smiles at me when we part.
“Maybe,” I say knowing full well I wouldn’t do groceries on the weekend anymore.
With a final wave we both part ways again, this time it doesn’t feel as much like closure.
Age 35.
“Graduation’s graduating, what a mouthful.” I say to Andie. We sit in the parking lot of a local pub back home. Both of us had avoided reunions after going to the first one 10 years ago and being reminded of how much people liked to remind you of who you used to be. But this year Andie found out an old flame was going and single. And this is the first year I saw that Harry had checked off going. So we’d decided to go together.
I could have easily reached out to him. Asked him about meeting up there. But I didn’t want to come across any way. I remember our run-in 6 years ago. We felt the same way—we would do anything for each other, and I didn’t want any affect over him coming. Last I heard he was still in a relationship. Just cuz I was didn’t mean I had to ruin another.
“Okay. We going in?” Andie passes me her flask.
I’d taken to drinking again. Originally I stopped after a particularly bad night when I was 28. It nearly cost me my wedding back then.
I stopped to get sober. To feel what it felt like not to rely on alcohol to keep from feeling my emotions. I had a lot of grief I never processed. And unfortunately being sober, and processing the grief and depression, had ultimately cost me my marriage. But I was better for it. I knew what unconditional love and support was. I didn’t want to settle for someone who only loved me at my best.
Now I felt in control when I drank. I knew when to stop.
“Let’s go!”
“Do you think he’ll remember me?” Andie asks as we walk up to the place.
“You comment on so many of his posts. I think he does.” I tease.
“Gah. It would have saved me so much heartbreak if I just told him back 18 years ago how I felt.”
“Maybe,” I think about my confessed love 18 years ago and the heartbreak that ensued.
“Well at least I would have gotten him outta my system. Oh god I see him-“
“Hi ladies,” we’re stopped near the front and given name tags, making small talk with the girls working the booth. I vaguely remember them from a club but I have to read their name tags to pretend I remembered them at all.
Andie ditches me pretty quickly but I don’t mind. I find some friends I saw a couple times a year. Guess this was the couple time this year.
The whole time my eyes scan the room. People had brought their partners and I wondered if Harry would do the same. Deep down, I prayed he didn’t. I just wanted to see him.
I spot him halfway through the night. He’s leaning against the bar talking to Khalil. I remembered they used to be friends, he was always nice to me while Harry and I dated.
I watch him talk and drink. I lose him for a bit and then catch him leaving. Shite.
I excuse myself and rush out but nearly trip over myself slowing down. He was just outside for a smoke break.
“When did that habit start?” I ask. He nearly jumps out of his skin.
“Fu-y/n you scared me.” He shakes his face dramatically, like he’s getting something off of it. I bite back a smile, he was pretty drunk. “When did you get here? I didn’t know you came to these things?”
“I don’t.” I correct him. I couldn’t tell him I came for him. “It was just the name of this reunion, Graduation’s graduating. How could I pass it up?”
This earns a laugh. Eases the air between us. “Did you see Oli in there? He’s gotten bald.”
“He looks like his dad actually,” I remember his dad was always coming to Oli’s football matches, screaming at his son to run faster.
“Glad you didn’t end up with him?” Harry smirks.
“Oh yeah. I heard last reunion he just kept going up for the karaoke sober. If I want my bloke to embarrass me, at least give him the excuse of being drunk.”
“Shit,” Harry laughs. “I remember that! I remember! Wish I could forget!”
I laugh with him. “Harry you’re getting pretty close to drunk yourself.”
“Ah yeah. More than 3 drinks that, I’m being naughty tonight.”
I scrunch my nose, no idea what he’s talking about.
“I can’t believe you’re here tonight,” Harry says again. “I thought I wasn’t going to see you again for another 12 years after our last time.”
“Thought I’d halve the time.” I watch Harry squash out the butt.
“Glad you did.” He looks at me and I’m 17 again. Why couldn’t we both be single? Why did I come here knowing I couldn’t have him.
Maybe I was as masochistic as the person who invented maths.
“Yn?” A voice calls out to me. “Oi! It is you I thought I was dreaming you up! What a sight!”
I’d been avoiding Oli all night. Not anymore.
I glance at Harry and he hides a smirk. Oli notices Harry then and his face hardens a little.
“Oli! Long time!” I go in for the hug he’s reaching for, unsure why he was so sweaty on an autumn night. “You alright?”
“Yeah,” he grins at me. “You look good! Not a day over 25.”
“Don’t flatter me Oli,” I roll my eyes. “It’s not going to get you anything.”
“I’m not looking! I swear it!” He says earnestly. “I’m just paying you a compliment. It’s good to see you. Hey, I’m actually in a good relationship. Gonna propose to her.”
“Are you? What’s she like?”
I stand in the brisk evening as Oli tells me about his girlfriend. I’m happy for him, what we had in high school wasn’t really a relationship but I never wished him bad. He was a good guy, I was glad he found his person.
I change the subject when he asks about my love life, tell him I was getting cold. We head back in and I tell him I’d catch up to him later. I’d lost Harry and wanted to find him again. I had more I wanted to talk about.
“Khalil,” I interrupt him playing pool. He goes in for a hug and I engage in polite small talk until I tire of it. “I’m looking for Harry.”
“Of course you are,” he wags a finger at me. “I saw him leaving ten minutes ago?”
“Jeez really?” I couldn’t believe I missed him! After coming here just for him. Maybe he had to get home, maybe he had a kid by now. Had to tuck him in.
“He’s not doing so well since the divorce-“
“What?” I stare at Khalil like he’s spoken gibberish. Why hadn’t I heard about that?
“Ehm yeah. He’s pretty private about it.”
“I didn’t know.”
“Yeah. He’s been separated a few years now but he just signed the papers a couple weeks ago. I dunno. He gets kinda depressed around this time of year. Probably the weather.”
It was September. It wasn’t the weather.
I had to find him.
I brush past the people I went to school with. I followed Harry outside to a roof 17 years ago and today I follow him out to find him again. We needed to talk.
I look both ways, hoping for a miracle.
I spot a figure slumped on the far end of the road. I recognize the church, it was where we went every Easter and Christmas growing up.
I walk towards the figure until I can make out the hair. It was Harry. Thank god.
“Why’d you leave?” I ask him when he looks up to my approaching footsteps.
“I drank too much,” he hangs his head again. I sit beside him.
“I heard about the divorce. I’m sorry.”
Harry shrugs. “We separated a while ago. It was coming for a long time.”
“Yeah. Still.” I say.
We sit in silence, the only sound is our breathing and the faint noises from the pub down the road.
“She’s in her last year by now.” I say without further explanation. I know he’d know.
“Our baby’s 17.”
Our baby? I feel choked up. All these years we’d been apart, built our own lives, and there was still an our even when there hadn’t been.
“It’s always been us hasn’t it?” Harry says. “Nobody understands.”
“They couldn’t. We were so young, making such a big decision.”
“Oh y/n.” He leans into me and I wrap my arm around his shoulder. He’s cold, his jacket pooled on the steps around him. I gather it to spread over his shoulder but he stops me. “How much heartbreak can you have in one lifetime?”
I sit, aching for the pain Harry was going through. Knowing it was mirrored in me.
“I’ve had enough for a lifetime. I know that.”
“Me too.” Harry sighs. “I miss you.”
“I’m right here.” I intertwine our hands. They still fit the exact same, all these years later. I examine them, but they looked the same too. I wonder if our baby girl ever looked at her hands, wondered who she inherited them from.
“D’you think she thinks about us?” Harry asks what I’m thinking.
“Maybe.” I say. “I like to think so. I just hope she doesn’t hate us for giving her up.”
“Yeah me too I think…” he hangs his head. I hear him sniffle. Seems like Harry hit the point of drinking where all you could feel is regret. I remember those days. I knew where he was.
When he doesn’t finish his sentence I fill the silence; “Me and Tatum split uh…four years ago now.” I update him. “You probably heard something about it. I remember my mum saying she ran into yours when it was happening. They probably talked all about it.”
I wait for Harry to give confirmation but he stays the way he is.
“I went sober a few years before then. Almost ruined our wedding cuz I was exactly where you were. Unprocessed grief and all I could do was drink about it. I’d given up a baby at 18, then lost a baby a decade later. It feels silly to say out loud, that something that never really came into this world—something the size of a fruit could act like the rock you push up the hill every morning. The grief you fight at your darkest times. How could we be haunted by something that didn’t even exist—not technically. But that’s just the way it was. And that’s the way it had to be when we were 18. I’m not always sure I made the right decision overall but I know it was a decision we had to make at the time. I’ve had to find my peace. So do you Harry.”
“Yeah. I-I have to. Y’know? Sometimes I wonder if I would have made her proud.” Harry sniffles. I had similar thoughts. My throat feels tight remembering. “I don’t think, right now, I would be.”
“She’s so loved. She is so loved Harry. Whatever…wherever she is.”
“I love you.” Harry turns to me. His face is raw with grief and emotion. “Never stopped loving you. But I don’t want to give you this version of me.”
“I’ll take any version of you Harry.” I reassure him. “I think we’ve seen too much of each other to be able to hide anything away.”
He tips forward slowly until his head rests on my chest. I hold him there, just like he’d done for me so many years ago. I tell him the type of thing that meant everything to me back then and I hope it helps him to hear it: “We’ll get through this Harry.”
***
“I don’t remember getting here.”
I look up from my book, Harry stands in my kitchen with a confused look on his face. It was weird seeing him here in my flat. But it was so right too.
“We walked home. I thought you sobered up.”
“Nuh-uh.” He takes a few steps towards me, hesitant.
“Coffee?”
“Maybe I’ll take a shower first?”
“First door on your right. Extra towels in the cupboard.”
“Thanks.”
We look at one another for a beat before he moves back. I make another pot of coffee and clean up from breakfast while he showers.
Next time he walks back in he looks a lot better. Smells nice too.
“Black please.” He says when I hold the coffee up.
I pour him a cup and watch him sip it.
“Thank you for last night.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” I tell him.
“I remember what you said to me. You’re right of course. I think I knew it, I just didn’t have anyone to talk to about it with. Nobody knew about us…”
“You didn’t have to keep it a secret ‘til this day Harry.” I was surprised he had. “You didn’t even tell any of your friends?”
“The only people who knew were my family, a-and Shan. But. Year after year it didn’t mean the same thing to her. I stopped talking to her about it pretty quickly. Think it made it worse because her and I couldn’t actually…”
“Yeah.” I understood.
“But I realized. I think it was losing both of you. I feel like you were taken away too. We just went from being around each other all the time to cold turkey. That was a loss too so…”
“Yeah.” Again, I understood.
“I’m 35. I’ve gotta…get my head on straight.”
I examine him. “Looks okay to me?”
He smiles and puts his cup down.
“I’m sorry to hear about your divorce.”
“Meh that was years ago. Hard then. Fine now. For the best.”
“I agree,” Harry moves around the table to stand where I am. My heart pulses just like it always does around him. He rests a hand on my hip, dragging it up to wrap around my waist. He must feel how hard my heart’s beating. “Did I tell you? That I love you?”
“Maybe?” I feel myself growing more present. The hole that always lived inside of me growing even smaller in this moment. It allows me to settle on the floor better; less air, more weight.
“Well I do. I love you. At 17, or at 35.” He says this with a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth.
“Well. I love you.” I return the kiss, relish in the way his hand grips my tank. “At 17, or 35.”
“Sometimes I wish I held on tighter at 17. But I look at you now and I’m excited to get to know you again.”
His words pour over me like honey. It was sweet we were still on the same page.
“I’m not letting you go this time.” Harry whispers in my ear. He pulls me in tight, swaying from side to side. “I want to spend 41 and 50 with you. I want all of you, every side.”
“Perfect,” I peer up at him. “That’s exactly what I want too.”
“And maybe one day,” he continues in a hush voice. “We’ll get a call from a young girl. She’ll tell us all about her life in a town up north. About a picture she has of her mother dressed like her father and her father dressed like her mother.”
“She’ll tell us she’s had a good life, and she’s thought about the people in the picture. She’d tell us she wants to meet them.”
“We would be able to show her the love we kept for her. Our love’s like a venn diagram, the bit in the middle is just for her. She’d know why she was born in the first place.”
“Closure,” I whisper to him. “We would know closure.”
I remember the day she was taken, how the loss of not even being able to see her felt bigger than the loss of her itself back then.
I think of a 17 year old girl, with green eyes and brown hair. With my smile and Harry’s dimples. My hands, and Harry’s height. She was loved by people, families, that she didn’t even know existed yet.
They say if you love something, let it go. If it’s meant to be it’ll come back.
As Harry and I stay intertwined in the kitchen of my flat, I send out a wish into the universe for her like I did most days. That she was healthy, happy, and one day curious enough to seek us out. That one day, she would come back.
Right now I focus on the man in my arms. The one I never thought I’d get to hold again. For now this was all I needed. I’d loved him, let him go, and after so many years apart, we were back.
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linospuddin · 1 month
Text
Pretty in pink
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Genre: 18+, smut, fluff
Cw: Idol!Minho x Gn!Reader, somnophilia, swearing, slightly sub!min, lipstick marks
Wc: 1.6k
Summary: Covering your boyfriend in pink lipstick seems to be a shared interest
A/N: This was in my drafts from his birthday but I hadn't started my account then and I can't be bothered to wait until october LMAO
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Minho's sleeping figure was beautiful, steady breaths escaping from his slightly parted lips made his chest rise and fall. The collar of his white silk shirt exposing his shoulder, riding up his stomach and letting you trace his v-line- coyly pulling away when his hand would come up to itch where you'd been tickling him. His hair was splayed on the pillow like a pretty brown halo, effortlessly framing his jawline and softly distinct features.
You didn't often wake up before he did, his idol routine having his body conditioned to early working hours making his natural clock attuned to waking up at times like 4 or 5am. But it was 6:30am and he was still resting soundly, and you were up.
You'd gone through the effort of taking a few hours nap yesterday so that you'd be able to wake up early for him on his birthday.
But you didn't count on this.
It was nice for a change. Being able to see him so peaceful, no frown lines or furrowed eyebrows, no sly smirk or cute dimples. Just resting.
You leant forward to kiss his cheek, leaving remnants of the pink lipstick you'd forgotten to wash off yesterday- but no matter. The sight of him so vulnerable with the mark of your lips on his cheek was surprisingly attractive. You slowly ducked down, pushing your head through the gap to get to his neck as you started to kiss the skin under his jawline, leaving little pink marks in a trail down to his collarbone.
Oh god, you thought to yourself as you admired him from above.
You might have a thing for this.
His face scrunched from the feeling, a little smile on the edge of his mouth that was just so adorable.
Shuffling down the bed, you kicked the covers off of him and over to your side to get better access as you undid the buttons of his shirt. You placed your lips down under his bellybutton, continuing to litter his stomach with those pretty pink kisses until his hand travelled over, smudging a few of them in his effort to quell an itch.
You scoffed, holding his wrist so he couldn't ruin anymore in his sleepiness, bringing the back of his hand to your mouth- where you kissed his knuckles, twisting to cover his palm in lipstick. You watched his fingers flex at the sensation, an audible hum leaving his throat while he turnt his head to nestle further into the pillow.
You almost just wanted to pounce on him, cover the patch of his neck he'd just revealed to you, but you also wanted him to gently wake up to being pampered.
It was a hard decision, but you remained diligent, teasingly nipping his arm as you traveled up- brushing your lips over every patch of skin until you were back to his shoulders.
"Mm," he purred, leaning into you as you sucked his neck, an unconscious smile spreading on his face.
It was clear he was still fast asleep, but the pleasant noises he was making had you glancing up each time, half expecting his eyes to be crinkled open and staring down with that mischievous glint and a coy smile.
You settled down besides him, still in his sleep his arm snaked around your torso, pulling you close as you kept prying those noises from his throat. That was when you noticed something sticking up in his boxers, and you couldn't help but dance your fingers down over his bulge.
It was almost instant that he fell silent, as if he was subconsciously trying to figure out what had changed, the cogs in his mind diligently turning as you began palming him through his underwear.
You smiled, kissing his cheek before pushing his waistband, letting it rest lower on his hips so you could close your hand around his dick.
His eyebrows furrowed down, blowing a small breath of air out of his nose and you smiled, gently biting on his bottom lip. "Mm, you feel that Minho?"
His breaths got deeper as you started to move up and down, your thumb swiping the little beads of precum that were forming and massaging his slit.
He started to shift under you, repositioning his shoulders- barely an inch away from arching his back as his tensing jaw fell slack.
Being able to see his natural reactions to you was delightful, especially because while he was awake he wouldn't have dreamed of letting you see his calm and nonchalant facade cracking not even 30 seconds into pumping him. Maybe he'd tease you with over the top moans, but you had to practically wrench this kind of thing from him usually. Still, you had to applaud his resolve if this was what he fought down each time.
"Ah, you're so cute, I don't know why you hide this from me," you smirked into his neck, "it's okay to let me take care of you sometimes."
His face scrunched as if he was subconsciously giving you attitude, quickly dropping the expression as you squeezed his base, twisting your hand sharply, cruising your thumb back over the tip and back down one of the veins.
Just how he liked it.
Minho's head turnt, burying his face in your hair and letting out his first moan, breathy, whiny, and unknowingly right in your ear.
You quickly leant up, checking to see if he was awake yet, but his eyes were still firmly clenched shut.
His eyebrows were tilted up, the wisps of hair that hung over his forehead were now sticking to the beads of sweat that were forming. His bottom lip was sucked into his mouth, and his cheeks and ears were slathered in this beautiful crimson colour.
Squirming under your actions, his hand that was wrapped around you grabbed at your t-shirt almost frantically. Trying to either tug you down or keep himself grounded as his spine curved dangerously off of the mattress, he released his grip and fastened it just as quick- like he couldn't decide how he wanted to approach this.
Every one of his breaths was almost a whimper now, raspy from being the first noises of the morning, his ribcage faltering under the pace of his heart. His hips found your rythym, grinding up into your hand everytime you raised it, desperately chasing your touch.
"You wanna cum?" You teased, relishing in the fact you wouldn't get any consequences for taunting him like this. "Bet you wanna cum so bad, huh Min?"
He bucked up, throwing his head back, and you imagined him protesting- trying so hard to pretend he wasn't being affected, but watching his raw arousal while he was sleeping was fucking delicious.
His body stuttered, pleasure wreaking its way through his unconscious figure as he grabbed onto you. Minho's eyes fluttered open before he pushed his head into your shoulder, whimpering into your skin, and immediately shutting them again as he came through your fingers.
"Fuck, fuck.." He panted, calming his breathing as you slowed your hand, spreading his orgasm all the way to his base like a lube.
"Morning Min," you smiled, twisting your body so you were laying on you stomach next to him, running your fingers through his damp hair.
"Morning," he laughed, looking up to the ceiling, "fuck that felt good."
"Yeah?" You hummed, "thought you'd like to wake up to that."
"Mmm, do I get this every day now?"
"It's only for special occasions," you scoffed, leaning into his hand that came up to hold your cheek.
"Oh? And what special occasion is this?"
"Ha ha, obviously your birthday."
"And yet.." The brunette smiled tiredly, stretching his limbs exaggeratedly with an over the top yawn sequence that you tried not to giggle over. "Yet I still haven't heard a happy birthday from you."
"Well I was thinking.." you trailed off, coyly glancing backwards at his dick that hadn't even gone the slightest soft yet. "I could give you your second gift."
"Birthday morning sex?" He gasped, a mischievous glint shining in his eye, that playful nature he doesn't often reveal until he's managed to get an iced coffee in his system clawing out. "My lifelong dream?"
"Indeed," you grinned. As you shuffled down the mattress, you climbed over his legs, holding your tongue out and keeping eye contact while you licked the cum off of his length until it was only your saliva left on it.
"Sexy," he winked, biting his lip- propped up on his elbows as he looked down at you.
"Don't you know it," you smirked, before jumping off to rummage through his bedside table. Hunting through random stuff cluttering his drawers that was mostly yours until you found what you were looking for and scrambling back to your previous position.
He gave you a puzzled look as you applied your lipstick, his head following the direction it went when you chucked it behind you. "What's that for?"
You bent down, placing a pink kiss right on his peachy tip, and trailing them all the way down to his base before looking back up to admire your handiwork.
"I've got a new thing for covering you in lipstick," you smirked, looking up at his awed expression.
"Shit," he murmured, a dreamy smile on his mouth- finally noticing the pout marks on the rest of his body.
"Me too."
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Taglist: @linos-kitten @agi-ppangx @milf-ivy
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kachowder · 7 months
Note
I’ve been stalking the Jessie tag for a while and I’m obsessed with the idea of his darling being a 6”4 beefcake of a man.
he gets drunk one time in a company party and grabs Jessie by the face and grumbles “why tf are you so goddamn pretty?? Your model is meant to be a male! For fucks sake, you piss me off”
meanwhile Jessie is overheating and blushing because of being (kind of) manhandled like this, ironically making him look prettier. His darling getting annoyed and running his thumb across Jessie’s lips and mumbling “stupid droid, so annoying”
This turned into a bit more angst then I originally intended, but I wanted to finally show the change in B7’s thinking and view of Jesssie as well as the shift in their relationship. Hope you enjoy! Nsfw minors dni
“The fucks wrong with you.” It’s a drawn out hiss that fills the androids synthetic ears, his eyes wide in shock as your form hauls over him, caging him against the floor of the small apartment.
“W..what do you mean B7…?” The stutter in his faux voice almost sounds authentic.
Your head cocks to the side, brows furrowed so deeply they nearly hide the entirety of your eyes.
“You’re too fucking pretty. What the fuck were your creators thinking? You’re a goddamn robot. You’re not supposed to…” Your words that fall into a blabbering slur, as Jessie feels his pumpers work over time, the blue energy that surges through his chords now shining a bright blue beneath his dark cheeks.
“I’m…I’m sorry that my design upsets you..” Why was he apologizing? He didn’t have a choice in his artificial design. But at this moment, as your warm hands curled around the fabric of his shirt, as they tugged and tore through his clothes, the only thing he felt he could do was apologize.
“Yeah…? You’re sorry..?” It’s a sneer, not a question. You’re mocking him and how could he possibly dislike it?
It happens so quickly. His standard issued clothes are torn from his body, the draft only recognized by his sensors, as his body shivers. It’s not from the cool air. It’s from the unstable shock that travels through his servos. He feels something shift beneath him.
His jaw aches. He didn’t know it could. But it does and he loves it. He loves feeling your cock, sliding in and out of his throat. The synthetic saliva, coating your length in a clear lube.
He’s so eager. Forcefully yanking himself off your cock to lick the tip eagerly. To suck, and beg you to cum in his mouth as he gasps and cries. Ruin his pretty face. Cum all over it please.
“No…you’ll look too cute then..”
He wants to cry. “Please…B7 please you can’t…you have to…!” The feeling of your fingers knotted into his curls is intoxicating, his own fingers gripping the flesh of your thighs needily. “Cum on my face…please..!”
You almost pity the bot. His eyes are glossing over so authentically, his skin is shiny with sweat. The only thing that disillusioned you to his humanity, was the vibrant and furious blue glow on his cheeks, that reminded you of the blood that kept him running.
That’s the part that killed any sympathy you had for him. It.
And that’s why the speed in which your cock hit the back of his throat increased cruelly. He choked and sputtered so realistically, you almost played with the thought that it was real, watching in a sick satisfaction as saliva dribbled down his jaw.
His fingers dug into your skin, as he moaned obscenely.
Your gaze caught the way his lashes fluttered prettily over his eyes, like this was almost peaceful for him. Like he so genuinely enjoyed this.
The thought made your stomach curl in a strange way. You had noticed the bots…fascination in you. You found it frankly insulting. This being, designed to be perfect, to take your job, to govern you, was intrigued by you. Because you were human. And entirely inferior.
The reminder was a slap across the face, and as your finish spilled into his throat, you couldn’t help but sneer down at the bot, who moaned excitedly around your cock, swallowing every drop, and seeming to even want to start again as he sucked the tip.
But you pulled away, forcefully pushing his head back as he followed your movement in an attempt to continue.
Glowing blue eyes peered up at you, like an abandoned pet just begging for any semblance of love or affection.
The feeling of your cock buried deep inside the droid appeared in a blur. Your hands gripping the perfect, soft skin of his hips, as he bent downward onto the floor, body surging forward with each mean and sharp thrust of your hips. The sound was real.
His cries, his moans, the sound of your skin slapping against his.
You could feel each squeeze and pulse of the fleshlight-like insides of the bot. You wondered why he even had such a feature.
“I hate you.”
The words came out suddenly, and your stomach coiled once they slipped past your tongue.
The bot hiccuped, a whimper that was so fucking sad sounding, it made you grind your teeth in frustration. But you took notice of the way it’s fans kicked on, and it’s voice whined.
“I-I know…” it sounded so small, as it whispered those words between moans.
Your grip tightened.
“Yeah? Because you know everything right? Because you’re so fucking smart right? You have all the information in the world, reading a simple, inferior human is like childs play isn’t it? Is that it?”
Your thrusts grew sharper, meaner, his pleasure wasn’t a factor to you in this moment. Not as the simulation of his ass clenching around your cock sent vividly realistic tingles up your spine.
“This is all a game for you and your kind. You’re so far above us, so much better, that you have to entertain yourselves with something imperfect. Something that has flaws and fucks shit up because it reminds you of how much better you are. Doesn’t it Jessie?”
Jessie could feel himself keen at the sound of his name from your lips, practically rolling back into your thrusts heatedly as he tried to regain some semblance of coherent thought.
As your thrusts continued to berate his body, the sound of pained sobs reached your ears, though your forced yourself to ignore them.
“I-I could never think you’re inferior…”
Your hips stuttered, eyes widening for a moment, heart hammering, but a growl surfaced past your throat at his pandering. You ignored him, gaze drilling deeply into the freckles that smothered his back.
“I wish…I wish I was human…b-because if I was human- you’d like me…I just want you to like me…” sobs retched from his throat, while his body moved to meet your thrusts. It sounded so emotional and strange accompanied by his desperate search for your touch.
“I want- I want to be human with you..y-you’re so perfect I don’t know what do with myself everytime I see you! B-But I’m a machine! I-I should be flawless b-but I’m not! I want! I want things and I shouldn’t! I’m not programmed too!”
The sobs begin to singe your weak human heart, your thrusts slowing a fraction as you listen. Why did he have to sound so fucking sad?
“…” against your better judgement, your hands left his hips, as your thrusts slowed entirely. Jessie whimpered in panic, worried this moment was over, before he was gently rolled onto his back, watery blue eyes gazing at you in confusion.
You stared for a moment. Taking in his pretty features..that slowly became more imperfect the longer you stared. Beauty marks, blemishes. A scratch on his upper cheek that almost looked healed. His nose was a bit crooked. You didn’t know if these were design choices or not.
But you could feel them tricking you, as you’d pushed the curls that clung to his tan skin away. As you curled your body over him, a much more intimated hold as Jessie gasped and clung his arms onto your back.
You began again, more gentle and kind, as Jessie moaned into your ear
It didn’t take long for either of you to finish, the pace from earlier having left you already sensitive. But you savored it.
“I love you…I love you so much…please don’t leave me…”
“….”
You ignored him again, simply holding his warm body close, as the bot shut down…fell asleep from overheating. Exhaustion.
Your head hurt. You were to tired to think about it right now.
You’ll confront these things tomorrow.
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amoebagrl · 9 months
Text
“i wanna be the one you think about at night”
college au!abby anderson x hyper fem!reader
abby keeps seeing this cute girl all over campus, and when she goes to the first lecture in her new class she finally gets to talk to you!! ♡
warnings: none except for abby being whipped for 30 minutes straight
wc: 735
part one of two
an: my first fic on a new blog!! how exciting ♡ so sorry this is so bad, i’m a little nervous to write 😭 also this is alittle loser!abby oops! song is flaming hot cheetos by clairo!!
not proofread!
(basketball!abby created by the lovely @elsweetheart)
grunting, as she sets down her heavy backpack, she sees you standing in the doorway
you’re the mystery girl. her mystery girl.
you’re just walking into the class, anxiously searching for a familiar face when you lock eyes with her. you’d seen abby anderson before, i mean, she’s the captain of your university’s basketball team.
you quickly scanned the room, looking for anyone else you knew, but ultimately decided on taking a seat next to her.
“hi!” you quickly smile and wave, setting down your pink tote bag at the seat right next to hers.
“oh, um hey” she says, freaking out internally “you’re y/n right? i’m abby” she asks, smiling. “yeah, i am” you laugh “you play basketball here, right?” you question
“yeah- um i do. i’m the captain actually” she clears her throat. what. the hell. she knows me?!?? stay calm abby.
“cool! i’ve always wanted to see you guys play but just haven’t really gotten a chance” you admit, sheepishly, toying with the trim of your baby pink sweater
“i mean, we have a game tomorrow night… that’s if you want to come, of course” “really? i’d love to come!” you chirp
“if you’d want to go earlier i could- i could pick you up, like when i’m on my way… like you could watch us warm up and everything. it sounds boring so if you wouldn’t wanna-“ “yes! omg of course that sounds fun!” she freezes for a second, almost shocked at the fact that you’d even want to see her play
“really?” “yeah” you grin. she’s kind of cute you think to yourself
she stands there for a second, and then fumbles for her phone “can i have your number? so i could text you all the times and… stuff” “sure!” you pull out your phone, which has a baby blue case with little bunnies on it, “here” you take her phone, typing in your number and adding your name, with a little ‘♡’ after it
she hands you your phone back, with her contact now saved “so i’ll text you tomorrow, yeah?” “yeah!” you blush, and turn to take out your laptop
that whole afternoon, she stares at your contact in her phone, drafting about 101 texts she doesn’t dare send.
unbeknownst to her, you’re doing the exact same thing.
the next day your phone ‘dings’
abby: hey, is 4:30 alright? i have to get there earlier and stuff
you: yeah that’s perfect! :) this is my dorm btw
*1 attachment*
abby: i’ll see u then
you: see u!! ♡
a heart???? does that mean anything?? she thinks, mind racing.
you panic, checking the time. “ITS ALREADY NOON?? I NEED MORE TIME TO GET READY” you squeal, alerting your roommate, dina, who was in the middle of doing some homework
“oooo getting ready for who??” “you’ll never guess. not in a million years?” “who?!” ellie, dina’s girlfriend, asks sitting up from dina’s bed “um how long have you been here?” you ask the auburn haired girl, startled. “ummm too long. anyways who is it??” “abby anderson.” you say, quietly, almost in a whisper.
“abby… anderson?” she asks, brows furrowed. “yes… sorry els i know you hate her or whatever” you wince “hate is an understatement. did you know what she said to me in freshman gym??” “ellie, please” dina warns, clearly having heard this story plenty of times
“yeah fine” she shrugs, pulling the duvet back over her head.
“okay so where is she taking you??” dina asks, turning to face you. “well… to her game tonight. it’s not a date or anything!” you say, ignoring the brunettes eye roll “that’s very boring. anyways you should wear that new jean skirt you got last week” “i was thinking of wearing that! with what top though? the pink one? “that’s really flowy?” “yeah!” “and then the white sweater over it!”
“dina. you are literally my fairy godmother” she shrugs off your compliment, “i’m just that good” she brags.
you nervously sit on the edge of your bed in the shared dorm, as ellie and dina already made their way to some party
two sharp knocks on your door echo through the room and you quickly sit up and make your way over to the door, adjusting your purse on your shoulder and you turn the knob.
the door swings open, revealing the muscular blonde in front of you.
“wow.” she breaths out
reblog to help support your fav writers! 🫧
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chaotic-orphan · 4 months
Text
Defiant Leader x Confident Villain: Part 4
Read Part one here
Continued from this part here
Honestly I have found so many good series parts in my drafts that just needs cleaning up with a light edit and boom, more content- it's great!
I am just ignoring my Christmas assignments and exams because who needs a degree, am I right? Enjoy!
TW: intimate whumper (ish), torture(light) and broken bones
*~*~*~*~*
Leader woke up to a finger in their cheek. They batted it away lazily, in theory.
In reality, their arms felt too stiff to move, groaning for Second to give them just five more minutes. They’d had a long fucking day, and their body was exhausted, not even accounting for the mental exertion it took to balance Villain as an enemy and not a member of their team anymore after they took them and strung them up—
Leader’s eyes shot open, but they didn’t meet Villain’s smiling face. Instead, they were met with two owlish eyes the colour of the Dead Sea, as if Leader could see through them.
Leader knew those eyes. Knew them too fucking well.
Leader evened their expression as much as they could, while Supervillain’s lips broke into an amused smile.
“So, you’re Villain’s old mentor,” Supervillain hummed, going to poke Leader in the cheek again. They were too close. Far too close to Leader’s face for comfort. Leader was tucked up against the wall, hands in the same heavy manacles Villain left them with as they drifted to a deep sleep. Their legs had moved, one bent slightly while the other was straight, and in the small bend of Leader’s leg was Supervillain’s foot.
Too close.
Leader tilted their head to the side, voice deadpan as they replied: “so you’re Villain’s new babysitter.”
“Villain said you were funny.”
“That’s funny, Villain never mentioned you,” Leader replied coolly, eyes never leaving Supervillain’s too-clear blue ones. “Mustn’t take it personally, maybe you just don’t make much of an impression.”
“Woke you all the same.”
“Yes, you did,” Leader said, then made a shooing motion with their fingers. “Now that you mention it, it was a very nice sleep, and I would like to get back to it now.”
Supervillain searched Leader’s eyes for something, then let out a soft hmph. “I have a better idea, Leader.”
Before Leader could protest a hand was in their shirt and in one fluid motion, Supervillain dragged Leader to their feet with such force Leader’s eyes blew wide, they weren’t touching the ground for a minute before their bare feet mercifully touched the floor again. Leader had a panicked grip on Supervillain’s arm holding them to the wall and only then did they notice the slight size difference.
Supervillain was tall, a good head taller than Leader, who wasn’t considered short by any means. That’s not where the differences stopped; where Leader was all lean muscle and agility, Supervillain filled their broad shoulders with strong, defined muscles that lay under his casual shirt and pungent leather jacket. Leader could make them out even when he wasn’t tensed and that annoyed more than scared them.
Leader had met Supervillain before, obviously, but this close? With this height difference? This disadvantage Villain had left them with, with no gear, no boots, no weapons. Leader didn’t like their odds. It was too new. Jarringly new and it sent a cold shiver down Leader’s spine, their mind racing on ways they could adapt to their sudden enforced weakness around their wrists and in their bare feet.
When they met on the field they were somewhat even. Supervillain was strong, stronger than Leader, but Leader made up for it with their speed. They danced in and out of one-punch-knockouts Supervillain had thrown at them before, they could do it again…
But that was in their combat gear, with their blades by their sides. That was with their boots on and their team at their back, and that was without heavy iron manacles locking their hands together.
Like this? Leader was too exposed, too weak, and they were just staring at Supervillain who could kill them without breaking a sweat right now, hiding all this panic behind an impassive expression, but they couldn’t hide that wide eyed surprise.
Supervillain had seen.
Supervillain saw Leader’s eyelids fly open in shock, so different from the half-lidded indifference Leader was trying to show off. Supervillain noticed the smallest thing, and maybe that was what was scaring Leader more than their disadvantage.
“What?” Leader asked, voice thankfully, mercifully even, “was your better idea making out or? This is very intimate Supervillain, honestly? I’m flattered. Kind of enemies to lovers scenario—”
All Supervillain had to do was curl their fingers into Leader’s shirt, knuckles resting painfully on Leader’s ribs and push Leader against the wall more. Pinned between a solid surface and Supervillain’s unforgiving grip, Leader didn’t know which would crack first, the wall or Leader’s ribs. Leader bent a knee and pressed the sole of their bare foot against the wall for leverage.
“Mmm,” Leader ground out, trying and failing to alleviate the pressure. “Kinky, don’t worry, kinda into it.”
Supervillain laughed. “You don’t shut up, do you?”
“Not unless you gag me, Da—” Supervillain let go of Leader then and Leader smiled. All doubt melting away as they pressed the sole of the foot into the solid surface, muscles tensed and at the ready.
Idiot.
Leader pushed off the wall with their foot, springing towards Supervillain, swinging their iron manacle clad hands up at Supervillain’s jaw. They missed the jaw and hit Supervillain’s nose instead and Supervillain fell back a step, letting out a startled cry, hands going to their nose in shock. Leader watched with a grin as blood trailed through the cracks in their hands and dribbled down their chin, staining their stupid shirt.
Their eyes would be blurry now, an advantage Leader needed. Leader shot their foot out, kicking Supervillain’s knee, then thigh, then ankle until they were wobbling, almost down.
One more hit.
Leader threw their hands up again as Supervillain’s eyes locked on Leader’s and Leader knew they made a mistake.
Clear blue eyes were the last thing Leader saw before the wind was knocked out of them and they were gasping for breath, Supervillain’s hand wrapped around Leader’s throat pinning them back against the wall. Leader thought they broke a rib with the impact, but they couldn’t think now, they were too busy panicking. They needed to break free.
They kicked out at Supervillain, trying to hit them anywhere until Supervillain stepped closer, making Leader’s legs useless, pinning Leader’s legs with their own and the wall, and the panic seized Leader’s chest. They were like a fish out of water, gasping on nothing. That’s when Leader brought their manacled hands down on Supervillain.
Loosen the hold for a second.
Or that’s what they intended to do.
At the last second Supervillain caught Leader’s wrist just below the cuff.
Fuck.
Supervillain slammed Leader’s arms back above their head and held them there no matter how much they writhed and struggled and fuck— black dots were encroaching on the edges of Leader’s vision like a vignette.
They couldn’t speak.
They couldn’t breathe.
They couldn’t fight.
They were going to die here. Supervillain was going to kill them and not break a sweat. Their struggles were weakening, and Leader knew they were gone, that Supervillain had won.
Would Villain be sad Supervillain killed them? Or is this what they wanted all along?
Leader was so fucking stupid and it got them killed.
At least Leader got a good few blows in before they died, at least they made Supervillain bleed, at least they went out fighting…
Those crystal-clear blue eyes stared down at Leader’s as they slowly lost consciousness and darkness engulfed them.
*~*~*~*~*
Villain was leaning against the wall beside the door to Leader’s cell, arms folded, head resting against the wall. When the door opened, Villain pushed off quickly, turning to see Supervillain with dried blood caked on their upper lip and nose, staining their shirt. Villain’s face dropped.
“What happened?”
Supervillain smiled, showing bloody teeth. “Nothing I couldn’t handle. They got rowdy, so I put them down.”
“You said you’d be gentle.”
“You said they were weak and exhausted.”
“They are!” Village protested.
Supervillain raised an eyebrow at Villain’s voice rising in pitch, a smile tugging at the corners of their mouth as Villain looked away, and said, “they were. I left them hanging for three days, I was worried their shoulders would pop out of their sockets!”
“Did you have mercy on Other Villain’s Henchman when you left them hanging? Did you worry about their shoulder joints?”
“It’s different,” Villain said, eyebrows knitting together. “We were torturing Other Villain’s Henchman for information. Leader is just a prisoner, and you have to be humane. It’s not personal, it’s—”
“Humane?” Supervillain asked and Villain sighed, running a hand down their face. “Maybe if you were a bit less humane, Vil, it would have prevented the broken nose,” said Supervillain not unkindly, voice gentle and soothing, which just made Villain feel worse. They were going easy on Leader, and Supervillain noticed.
Supervillain placed a warm hand on Villain’s shoulder, and smiled when Villain looked up at them, eyes steeled. “It won’t happen again.”
“Oh, I know, Villain… I trust you,” Supervillain said, squeezing Villain’s shoulder lightly, and Villain tried hard not to blush at the words. It didn’t work.
“I mean obviously Leader has to be punished. Not just for this,” Supervillain said gesturing to their nose, “but for doing the Commission’s dirty work for them.”
“What? But you forgave me,” said Villain, setting their jaw, lips stretched into a thin line.
“I did,” said Supervillain. “The difference is you saw the corruption they wrought. Leader is still under their influence. They need to be persuaded.”
“Why does persuasion sound a lot like punishment in this case?” Villain snapped, jutting their chin out at Supervillain who just kept that same level smile on their face. Their crystal-clear blue eyes beaming with pride down at Villain.
Supervillain stood up straighter, took their hand from Villain’s shoulder and touched their bloodied nose gently.
“You’ve done beautifully, Villain. Leader is our biggest threat to enacting meaningful change. You got them out of the way! You should be celebrating; you should be proud—”
“What about the commission?” Villain demanded hotly. “You said they were the enemy!”
“They are, Villain. Leader is but a pawn and taking them off the board will rattle the commission into making a mistake, one we can use to press our advantage.”
At Villain’s silence Supervillain sighed. “You know firsthand how corrupt they are. If capturing Leader has rattled you—”
“I’m not rattled,” Villain said, voice a bit too defensive. Villain sighed, then gestured to Supervillain’s face. “Go… go get that cleaned up, you’re bleeding all over the place.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes,” Villain lied easily, “yes I’m fine, I’m just tired.”
“Okay. Maybe get some rest, Villain.”
“Yeah, I will.”
Supervillain nodded, then walked to the end of the hall, towards the stairs out of the basement. Villain waited until they heard the sound of the heavy door shutting before they leaned against the wall and let out a long-laboured breath.
This was all they needed.
Then they opened the door to Leader’s cell and walked in, letting it close behind them.
Supervillain watched from the shadows of the stairs, a frown finding its way onto their face. Then they turned and actually left to fix their nose.
*~*~*~*~*
When Leader woke up again, they gasped awake, desperate to get some air into their lungs as the hand on their throat— Leader blinked, and it was the biggest mistake they ever made. A thundering headache followed, and they nearly whimpered at the pain but kept silent as they took in the new room around them.
At least they were sitting down this time and didn’t have any less articles of clothes on than they did before which was a plus, although their feet were starting to feel the cold. This time Leader woke in a chair, a comfortable enough chair, their arms resting on the arms rest were tied down with reinforced leather straps that brokered no movement when Leader tried to yank their hands free. All it did was tighten the leather around Leader’s fists, crinkling like rubber, but they couldn’t complain. The leather was far more comfortable than the manacles, Leader was getting first class treatment as far as the last few days were concerned.
They longed to stretch their limbs, but as feeling slowly came back to their body they realised they couldn’t move their legs either, strapped to the legs of the chair in what felt like the same strong leather as their wrists. They let out a soft sigh and pulled at their restraints just because.
They were tired.
Exhausted.
Their head was fucking pounding because of Supervillain and his stupid need to be tall and strong and authoritative. He could have at least been kind about the strangle hold, like, oh I’m sorry Leader, here’s some paracetamol for that headache you’ll wake up with.
Leader just wanted to go home, be with their team. They should have never pursued Villain; in hindsight they should have stayed with their team and then none of this would happen.
They would have stayed on mission and not abandoned their target to pursue an obvious trap, Villain knew they would follow though, Villain wanted them to, counted on it. They wanted to show off their new reinforcements and show Leader, they didn’t need them and their team anymore. They wanted to show Leader who was stronger, and Leader’s ego made them follow.
Stupid.
There wasn’t much room for any other thoughts after that.
From behind them Leader heard movement and then they saw the hammer coming down hard, a merciless swing, straight on the back of Leader’s right hand. Leader screamed as they felt, no heard, every bone in their hand shatter. They struggled in the comfortable chair, trying to alleviate some of the pain, to get away from the aftershocks of pain as Leader tried to move their fingers.
“Do I have your attention, Leader?”
Leader howled when Supervillain drive the hammer down harder on the back of Leader’s hand, rubbing against broken and bruised bones. “Yes! YES! Just stop!”
The hammer lifted after Leader found their words and their sigh of relief ricocheted through their entire body, adrenaline pumping in their blood. They sucked in a sharp breath when Supervillain came to stand in front of them, glaring angrily up through pain blinded eyes. Their chest rising and falling like a rabbit’s that was suddenly cornered by a dog.
“Good,” Supervillain said with a smile and dropped the hammer unceremoniously on the floor. Leader flinched when it clanged against the concrete floor. Their breath still struggling to fill the hole in their lungs from the shock.
“Villain asked me to go easy on you,” said Supervillain. Leader’s heartbeat skipped at that. Villain still cared. Just not enough to get you out of here, a nasty voice in the back of Leader’s head hissed. “They think you’re just blindly following the commission’s orders, that you need to be persuaded to see the light like they did.”
“Yeah?” Leader laughed, the laugh manic, off and wrong. “And follow you, is it? I’m devoted to one dogma, Supervillain, I can’t stomach two, I’ll have to pass.”
“Why do you follow the Hero Commission’s orders, Leader? Hmm?”
“Why don’t you ask Villain?”
“I did.”
“And?”
“Villain only followed you,” Supervillain said, delighting at the pain that must have showed on Leader’s face. “They never believed the commission’s bullshit, or so they say.”
“But they believe your bullshit, is that it?”
“I am just one man,” Supervillain said with a smile, spreading their hands wide. “Ineffectual. What could I do that’s so bad?”
“Oh, I don’t know, using a hammer as a wakeup call comes to mind,” Leader grouched, relaxing back against the chair. “Aside from that do you want the list categorically from worst to least bad, or chronologically, either way it’s a long time we’re going to be chatting.”
“Oh Leader, don’t worry. We have time,” Supervillain purred, walking over to Leader’s chair. Leader couldn’t even back away, couldn’t flinch, couldn’t do anything with how fucking tightly they were tied down and it scared them.
Scared them how easy it would be for Supervillain to kill them then and there.
Tied up, defenceless, immobile.
The fear must have shown in their eyes because Supervillain let out a soft laugh when their legs touched Leader’s knees.
“You’re not so brave like this, are you? Did I scare you earlier Leader? Did you think I was going to strangle you to death? Are you afraid I’ll do it again?” Supervillain reached a hand over and Leader recoiled, trying to avoid it getting anywhere near their neck, but Supervillain’s hand pressed against Leader’s throat all the same and the fear gripped them like a vulture’s talons.
The courage bubbled up Leader’s throat and they bit out, “yeah? Let’s see how brave you are stripped of your gear and tied up in enemy territory.”
“I could you know. It would be so easy,” Supervillain said with a soft hum, squeezing slightly.
Leader’s eyes turned to stone, a grave challenge in them, the kind Leader would wager their life against. Leader leaned forward slightly, staring directly into Supervillain’s stupid smiling face, and said: “then do it and get it over with. Kill me and spare me the torture of having to listen to you talk.”
Supervillain smiled a handsome smile.
Their smile didn’t waver as they drew their fist up and slammed it down hard on Leader’s broken hand. Leader howled, throwing their body forward on instinct, trying to protect themselves but all they did was drive themselves straight into Supervillain’s strangling hold and Leader gasped in pain, tears streaming down their face as Supervillain shoved them by their neck to the back of the chair.
Leader choked on nothing, sucking in startled air which got caught on their strangled cries of pain in their throat. Their body fighting against the restraints and Supervillain’s hold trying to fight, trying to escape. Their body hadn’t gotten the message that struggling was futile yet.
“Hmm,” Supervillain hummed. “I think you’re right Leader. I much prefer the sounds of your screams over my voice.”
“You fuc—” Leader screamed again as Supervillain drove the palm of their hand into the back of Leader’s, kneading the shattered bones, choking on their screams, clamping their teeth down on their cheek to soften them to more of a pained hum.
“I can make good on that gag Leader,” Supervillain promised, moving their fingers up to pinch Leader’s cheeks and force their mouth into an O shape. Leader swallowed, feeling Supervillain’s hand bobbing with their throat. “That way I still get your delightful screams and cries of help.”
Leader huffed out a breath, the pain finally receding in their brain enough for them to think.
 “Grapefruit.”
Supervillain blinked, then frowned, then raised their eyebrows and tightened their hold ever so slightly.
“What?”
“Grapefruit,” Leader said again, voice raw, almost breathless and Supervillain let their grip loosen a little.
“Have you lost it already, Leader?” Supervillain asked and Leader shook their head as best as they could.
“Then what’s Grapefruit?”
Leader swallowed hard and rasped: “It’s a citrus fruit—”
“I know what grapefruit is,” Supervillain huffed, “I don’t know why you keep repeating it.”
Leader looked up through their tear-soaked lashes, all innocence and doe eyed charm, and said with a straight face: “my safe word is grapefruit.”
Supervillain stood up straighter and let go of Leader’s throat and Leader could breathe easy for the second of relief that came with it. Then Supervillain slammed down their hand on Leader’s hand and Leader struggled and howled and screamed and cried, “oW! JEES— motherFUCKER! GRAPEFRUIT! GRAPEFR— FUCK!”
“Maybe I hurt the wrong part of you, Leader. Maybe I should have broken your jaw, then maybe you would shut up!” Supervillain hissed.
“Maybe….” Leader ground out, a shit eating grin on their face despite the pain, despite their situation, despite everything that was thrown at them in the last week. “Maybe you’re going to have to kill me to stop me, Supervillain. Do it right now, say it was an accident and maybe, maybe Villain— argh! Maybe Villain forgives you. I’m irritating, an honest mistake, I pushed you too far…”
Supervillain glared down at Leader now, hands completely off Leader, balling into meaty fists at their sides, nostrils flaring in anger. Leader took that as their cue to continue with their exhausted throat.
“But the longer you keep me alive, the longer I have with Villain? The less sleep you’re gonna get because I found Villain, I made them who they are today, and you’re scared. You are terrified of me, that’s why you tied me down so tight. That’s why Villain isn’t here right now. You’re in deep, and you don’t know how to get out. Kill me, you risk alienating Villain forever, keep me alive? Me and Villain have more chats about the good old days, and you still lose them. Either way you’re fucked, but I know which one I’d choose, Supervillain. Take your hammer to my temple and be done with it.”
Supervillain stilled, eyes widening slightly in a dim realisation, and then, to Leader’s chagrin, Supervillain smiled. Smug and superior and oh so knowing, and Leader frowned because they didn’t know what they had to be so happy about.
“Oh Leader,” Supervillain sighed. They patted Leader’s head and let out a small, startled laugh. “Leader, Leader, Leader,” they said and as quick as they arrived, they left, and Leader tried to turn in their seat to see what they were doing but they couldn’t. All they could do was stare forward and hear Supervillain’s footsteps getting further and further away.
“What?!” Leader yelled, twisting and turning and getting nowhere except aggravating their hand and they cursed and sat staring at the wall. They flinched when they heard a door open and close, and Leader was left alone.
That thought scared them more than anything Supervillain did.
*~*~*~*~*
Orphanage roll call (lmk if you want to be added/removed): @nameless-beanie @aarika-merrill @criohfreeze @bandnbookbag @gala1981 @theonewithallthefixations
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sfehvn · 3 months
Text
new religion part 7
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
A/N: Thank you all for being so patient! This has been sitting in my drafts half-done for a looong time. Hope you enjoy! Xx
Rating: M (18+ minors DNI)
CW: Pregnancy
Word count: 2,347
Characters: soft!ascended!Astarion x fem!au!Tav
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━─━────༺༻────━─━
The agony that coursed through cold veins was not unfounded. Astarion watched on with helpless eyes as you lay in bed, your condition only worsening through the days that had passed. Skin that had previously whispered the touch of light seemed much paler than it had before this sickness befell you. Hadn’t it? Yes, he was certain of it. Deep bags kissed under your eyes like bruises of a cruel fate, hair once silken to the touch had become brittle and flat. An emaciated picture of what you had been just days prior lay curled on the bed. If Astarion hadn’t known better, he would assume you hadn’t moved at all from your position since climbing into that bed after returning from the boutique. He had been the one to force you to bathe and stroll through the garden; of course you’d moved. The pain hung deep in his stomach but he refused to let it take him prey. What you were experiencing was far worse than any discomfort he may be feeling.
Three days.
It had only been three days, yet it felt like an eternity. It felt as if he had borne witness to your undoing in such a mercilessly short amount of time. A sadistic reminder of how fragile mortals were. Of how fragile his flower was. How barbarous the outcome; Astarion finally felt so deeply for a being other than himself, only to have it ripped away from tightly grasped hands. He had restrained the urge to maim and destroy you, allowed his love for you to flourish in its haste, yet had still proved to be your inevitable downfall. The wretched thing dwelled in your womb. The disgust ebbed and flowed deep in his gut. All the while he knew the culprit of your condition; he wouldn’t dare utter a word until it had been confirmed. An unspoken battle; should he be forthright with the circumstance? No doubt you would wish to brave the godsforsaken gestation, your longing for motherhood had been made abundantly clear. Stubbornness had been one of the many traits that had made Astarion’s unbeating heart grow fonder of you; in this plight, it very well may be your undoing.
From Astarion’s peripheral, a chambermaid enters the room, awaiting permission to address him. He nods silently in approval, eyes never leaving your debilitated form. “Master, he is here. Shall I see him here?”
His eyes falter from you to glance at the thrall. “You may. Clear the halls on your way out. I expect not a single interruption from anyone while he works. I trust you’ll let the others know of the agonizing centuries to follow if my request is disobeyed.” Though his voice was firm, there was a hint of fear masked beneath the threats. Fear of what fate awaits his lover, fear of what has yet to come, fear of the unknown.
“Yes, master.” She agreed before swiftly seeing her way out. There were no games when it came to Astarion and she did not wish to be in his line of fire if the matter at hand didn’t resolve to his liking.
Astarion steps up to the bed, stroking disheveled pieces of hair from your sunken face. “He is here, my treasure.” Soft words were met with a weak nod, eyes shut in an attempt to stop the spinning you felt in your head. An unwelcome thought made its way into his mind, which he hastily pushed down as far as he could. A corpse you began to resemble.
A tall lanky man makes his entrance. Dressed in a robe that looked centuries too old, wiry hair wisped from the sides of a misshapen ignoble hat, and shoes that seemed to be worn through the soles. He looked every bit a beggar who Astarion would pay no mind to under typical circumstances. Magic radiated in powerful lulls from the stranger, an aura of importance despite his unseemly appearance. “Sir Ancunin, a pleasure.” The man regards him nasally, though his eyes are fixed on you. They seemed to scatter over your frail body in assessment. “May I?”
Edvund Luoguarde. Every piece of unbiased literature regarding dhampirs Astarion had managed to scrounge up had been written by the man in front of him. Not a stone was left unturned in search of the scholar; all the while he had been holed up in a makeshift home on the edge of Rivington. The notoriety Edvund possessed had not affected his simple way of life. It was something Astarion might have found humor in if he had come across the strange man under different conditions. The man slinks towards the bed once Astarion approves, lips pursed as he looms over your unmoving figure.
“Poor child, barely hanging by a thread.” Edvund muses out loud. While there is empathy in his words, the firmness spoke to the weight they held. Astarion eyes his hand cautiously as it comes to hover over your midsection. “I will need her on her back.” He states. “Are you able to move, dear?”
Your eyes open barely a sliver in response. You open your mouth to respond but your voice is lost to the dry ache in your throat and on your tongue. Looking to Astarion in a silent bid for help, he obliges by carefully moving your body into position.
“This will do nicely. You’re doing wonderful, dear.” Edvund reassures. He places his hand on your clothed stomach, a pale blue light illuminating from his palm. His eyes bear the same blue light as he stares distantly at the wall. “Very interesting.” He murmurs after a few minutes pass, but does not remove his hand. It shifts purposefully from your sacrum up towards your ribcage. It was a brief moment of relief, as if whatever magic he yielded offered numbing to the visceral blows you had been experiencing.
Edvund removes his hand and the light in his eyes flickers in tandem. “You would be wise to rest while you can.” He pats the hand that lay lifelessly at your side. Unsure if it was a trance or from the fleeting comfort you finally had after three days of torture, you drifted away. The man turns his attention to Astarion once he’s sure you’re asleep. “A dhampir of not one, but two.” He riddles. “To be born of fruitful womb and abject seed. To shed light as great as thee.”
“What in the hells are you saying?” Astarion’s brow creased. It seemed more likely that Edvund was reciting poetry rather than providing a diagnosis.
“A dhampire of not one but two; to be born of fruitful womb, abject seed. To shed light as great as thee. Cast darkness into light, and light into lead. A union thick as thieves.” His hands move in an unfounded performance, fingers coming to lock in front of his chin once he is finished. “A prophecy greater in age than you or I.” He clarified, bringing his hands to rest on the edge of the bed. “It was foretold a pair of dhampirs would be born to a pure soul and a heinous….” He trails, eyeing Astarion before continuing. “They will materialize to our plane of existence. The gods have willed it so and so it will be.”
“Are you suggesting there are two?” Astarion’s jaw clenched as he eyes Edvund. “Remove them.”
“I cannot.” Edvund was unphased by Astarion’s aggressive demand, instead he stared him down with the same determined look in response.
“You will. This will kill her. Are you mad?”
“She will recover.” Edvund muses, looking back down at your sleeping form; no doubt the most divine rest you’ve had in your life with the help of his own magic.
Astarion steps around the foot of the bed, making his way toward the man with a fire blazing in his red eyes. Edvund glances at him, whispering a quiet incantation that seemingly relaxed every nerve in Astarion’s body. In a daze, he sits limply in the chaise at the end of the bed. He felt powerless. For the first time in his many years, he was indeed. Completely, utterly, entirely not in control.
Edvund steps in front of him, crouching until he is eye-to-eye with him. “You’ve felt this is destiny, yes? You and the girl?”
Astarion feels that blaze return, but it is quickly simmered once more. Edvund effortlessly defies his rage, pouring his own magic into keeping Astarion sedated. “Get out of my head.” Astarion murmurs, gritting his teeth uncomfortably.
Edvund proceeds; he already knew the answer to his question. “You do not want to anger the gods, Sir Ancunin. This has been foretold. Of course, nothing is stopping you from finding someone else to get the job done; I for one will have no part of it. I’d rather not deal with the wrath of any all powerful deity, let alone all of them. I suggest you heed this warning. It will not be pretty if you interfere.” He purses his lips tightly, furrowing his fluffy brows together as he speaks.
Astarion’s mind felt convoluted as the reality of the situation weighed heavy on his shoulders. This was bigger than you or him, but he refused to stand by and watch you crumble.
The air in the room hung heavy with the weight of destiny as Astarion grappled with the revelation. Edvund's cryptic warnings and the ominous prophecy left Astarion torn between the fate dictated by higher powers and the desperate need to protect you. The clash of emotions within him mirrored the conflict that unfolded in the dimly lit chamber.
Astarion's eyes, once ablaze with defiance, now flickered with uncertainty as he considered the implications. The revelation of a dual heritage, the prophecy, and the insistence on non-interference pressed upon him. Yet, the fierce love he felt for you surged as a counterforce, compelling him to challenge the preordained path.
The room bore witness to a silent struggle—one man navigating the treacherous waters of divine prophecy, the other tethered to the mortal realm by love's unyielding grip. As Edvund continued his mystical work, Astarion's internal turmoil mirrored the external tension, a tempest brewing in the shadow of fate.
In the midst of this cosmic chess game, your frail form lay suspended, caught between realms. A pawn in a game played by unseen hands, her fate intricately woven into the fabric of prophecy. The dichotomy of despair and determination etched across Astarion's face painted a poignant picture of a soul at war with itself.
The room, once a sanctuary for quiet moments and stolen glances, now bore witness to a profound struggle that transcended the mortal and the divine. It was a clash of wills, a dance of destiny, and a tableau of emotions that would shape the course of lives entwined in a tapestry woven by forces beyond mortal comprehension.
“The gods have orchestrated this all, Astarion.” Edvund loosened the invisible grip he had on Astarion, allowing a sliver of distance between them as he stood. “I’d heard of you, you know. The ruthless vampire lord.” Edvund quirks his head. He didn’t need to say it aloud as it was unspoken; love had made Astarion soft in a lot of ways. Specifically for you, but for the way you lived life as well. The way you simply loved.
For a brief moment, Astarion wondered if you would have been anything more than a meal and quick fuck without the interference of higher powers. He couldn’t dwell on the thought, though. It made him sick to think about.
Edvund's words cut through the tangled web of Astarion's conflicted thoughts. The acknowledgment of his reputation as a ruthless vampire lord served as a stark reminder of the life he led before you entered it. The juxtaposition of his past and the vulnerability that love had brought forth in him loomed over the room.
As Astarion grappled with the unsettling realization, Edvund's gaze lingered on him, a silent understanding passing between them. The enigmatic scholar seemed to grasp the intricacies of Astarion's transformation, not just as a vampire but as a being touched by the profound force of love.
“I hope you don’t mind, I’m not really in the mood for chit chat.” Astarion replied back coldly, his eyes stone as he looked at Edvund. Edvund held his hands up in a show of understanding.
“I’d better get going. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, but see to it that she rests adequately. There will be days where she feels like she can conquer the world, but she mustn’t overexert herself.” Edvund states as he walks towards the door. He leaves with a parting reassurance. “She will live. The gods are not as cruel as you would believe them to be right now.”
With that, Astarion sat alone. The air hung thick with magic and tension.
Astarion's gaze remained fixed on your slumbering form, the delicate rise and fall of your chest a comfort amidst the tumult within him. The cold, stoic exterior he had worn for centuries cracked, revealing the vulnerability that love had etched into his undead heart.
As he sat in the quiet chamber, a myriad of emotions churned within Astarion—fear, love, defiance, and an unsettling acceptance of the cosmic forces at play. The room, once a witness to stolen moments of intimacy, now bore witness to a solitary figure grappling with the intricacies of mortality and the influence of gods.
Time seemed suspended in that moment, the force of the future pressing down on Astarion. The journey ahead, fraught with uncertainties and divine machinations, loomed large. Yet, in the hushed solitude of the room, Astarion found a quiet resolve to face the impending challenges.
The vampire lord, once driven solely by self-preservation, now stood on the precipice of a destiny entwined with love and sacrifice. As the shadows deepened and the room embraced its newfound solitude, Astarion remained a sentinel, guarding not only the frail form on the bed but also the fragile threads of a fate spun by gods themselves.
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brewsterispunkk · 1 year
Text
THE TUTOR
eddie munson x reader
part 1/4
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pairing: eddie munson x f!reader, eddie munson x shy!reader (only one use of y/n and I cringed writing it)
rating: 18+ mature! minors be gone!
summary: reader has had a secret crush on Eddie Munson for months, only she has been too scared to tell him. When she’s forced to tutor him, she lets it slip that she feels like she’s missed out on the normal “high school experience.” Eddie aims to change that.
A/N: this has been in my drafts since LAST MAY!!! & i am just now finishing it jfc. this is part one to a series I’m looking to make three parts! I’ll finish it if it’s the last thing I do!
You hated first period. Always had, ever since sophomore year when you’d had AP literature with the juniors and Carol Perkins had made it her life’s work to make your life a living hell.
You didn’t know exactly what you had done to make her hate you so much, but early on in the year, she’d made it abundantly clear that you were going to be her new target. And you, being the only awkward, braces-faced sophomore in the class, had elected to suck it up and take the bullying.
After all, she was telling you everything you already knew; your hair was frizzy, your teeth were crooked, your acne was ugly and awful. The usual things that you, with the same awful self esteem that was characteristic of every knobby-kneed 14-year-old, had already heard and already believed.
Eventually, when your study-buddy and the only other underclassman in the class, Nancy Wheeler, found out about the full extent of the bullying, she’d done something about it. She had just started dating Steve Harrington at that point, and despite his larger than life hair and not so great reputation, he was nice to you by association. He was the one who got Carol to stop.
Still though, you thought that that god-awful year of excruciating first-period classes had ruined them for you for good; conditioned you somehow into expecting the worst from your first class of the day so that now, as a senior, you still dreaded it.
Today was no different.
You tapped your foot distractedly in the back seat of Steve’s car as he pulled out of your neighborhood.
“For the last time, Robin, no you cannot play the new Clash cassette. Put it away—“
“Oh come on, Harrington. It’s good.” Robin sighed exasperated. She’d been your next door neighbor since you were five, and your best friend ever since.
“Oh, oh! Like the new Madonna album?” Steve asked, eyebrows raised as he looked at Robin in the passenger seat.
“Or the Duran Duran one?” You piped in, biting your nails and looking at her expectantly. Immediately, her head whipped back to you, mouth open in a silent gasp.
“Wha—“ she made a choked sound, looking between you and Steve before bringing her gaze back to you, narrowing her eyes. “Who’s side are you on?”
“Uhm, the side of good music.” You countered, playfully sassing your best friend.
“Wow..” she drawled dramatically, interrupting you.
“And right now,” you continued. “Harrington has the better mixtape. Sorry!” You batted her hand away as she reached back to smack your arm.
“Boom!” Steve declared triumphantly, raising his hands from the wheel for a split-second. “Sorry, Robs, we love you but if I have to listen to one more of your mix tapes, I’m gonna—“
“Yeah, yeah! I get it.” Robin was silent for a moment before turning around to glance between the two of you. “You know, every day I remember how it was me that got this little group together, and every day it comes back to bite me in the ass.”
“Oh right,” Steve scoffed. “You’re forgetting, I’ve known y/n since junior year, and I’ve only known you for like, I don’t know, nine months.”
“Okay, but you two weren’t friends.” She gave Steve a pointed look. “It wasn’t until I convinced her to come work with us at Scoops Ahoy that we all started hanging out. So what I should be hearing is ‘thank you Robin.’”
In the rear view, you saw Steve roll his eyes at her antics, a smirk on his face.
“Actually,” you pointed out. “Steve and i hung out almost every day sophomore year.”
“Yeah,” Robin pressed. “But that was because of miss prissy-pants, Nancy Wheeler, not because you two were friends.”
You bristled a bit at your best friend’s name for Nancy. You knew she probably didn’t mean anything by it, but still. She didn’t know Nancy like you did. And Nancy had been nice to you when you didn’t have many friends besides Robin. She’d made it her problem when you were being bullied and did what she could to stop it, when she didn’t have to.
You and Nancy hadn’t really talked much since she and Steve broke up. Even after the whole ordeal last summer, with the mall “fire,” and Russian agents in Hawkins, you two hadn’t really reconnected. But there was no bad blood there. You wished her the best.
“I don’t know, Robs,” Steve interjected. “I think she gets bragging rights for knowing me longer.”
You laughed at that.
“Oh whatever,” Robin shook her head, leaning her elbow on Steve’s open window, bopping her head to the music pouring through the speakers.
“Good god, I don’t wanna be going back there.” She groaned as Hawkins High came into view. “It’s not too late to skip you know.” She craned her head back to look at you, a hopeful look in her eyes.
“I’m highly considering it.” You bounced your knee, trying to relieve some of the tension in your limbs.
“Ugh, no I can’t.” Robin exasperated. “My moms gonna kill me if she finds out I skipped again.”
There goes my chance, you thought, knowing there’s no way you’d skip without her.
“Yeah, I do not miss this place, gotta say.” Steve mused as he pulled into the parking lot. Robin rolled her eyes at him. You chuckled. They fought like an old married couple.
“I have Ms. Taylor first period,” you groaned at the memory of the stern, mean older woman who you had for home room this semester.
“Oh god,” Steve laughed. You smacked his shoulder. “Well, good luck with that. I’ll see you two at 3.”
You and Robin begrudgingly exited Steve’s car, facing the pit of despair known as Hawkins High School.
Thank god this was your last year, you thought to yourself.
As you eyed down the beige brick building, you could’ve sworn you felt a bit of your soul get sucked out. It may sound dramatic, but it was true. You felt yourself retreat into yourself the closer you got.
Something about Hawkins high just did that to people. Made them retreat and put on whatever mask they had to go get through the day. You were no exception.
“Let’s get this over with,” Robin mumbled beside you, beginning to walk toward the doors.
“Let’s.” You sighed back.
- - - - - -
There was one aspect of first period English with Ms. Taylor that you considered a saving grace—not that you’d ever admit it out loud.
Eddie Munson.
You weren’t sure why it started, if you were honest with yourself.
In fact, at the beginning of the year, you, like everyone else, were actually a little bit terrified of the lanky, tall metalhead that the rest of the school had dubbed “the freak.”
Before this year, you hadn’t really had many encounters with Eddie Munson. You’d known of him, sure, but never really interacted with him. Besides the few random outbursts he’d have in the cafeteria, and one time when you’d given him a pencil in your art elective freshman year, you’d kept your distance. Most of what you’d heard about him came from the kids; which meant they were lies, at worst, and exaggerations at best. You could tell they admired him from the way they spoke of him—Dustin in particular, who had spoken of Eddie in the way he’d only ever spoken of one person before: Steve. But that was the extent of your knowledge.
Eddie had been two years ahead of you technically, although now he was a senior, same as you, and stuck in the same miserable first period English class with Ms. Taylor.
It had started out innocent enough, you liked to tell yourself. You weren’t always swooning over him and his leather jackets or studded rings. It had just snowballed.
It had begun like this: it was the first day of your senior year, and to add to your nerves at a new dreadful year, Ms. Taylor had given you, and all your classmates, assigned seats.
Great, you’d thought. Just great. Now you had to sit next to a complete stranger while also being a complete ball of anxiety all class.
You were early. Much to your chagrin, Steve had insisted on picking you and Robin up earlier than usual because it was your first day, and what if you have trouble finding your classes. Completely ignoring the fact that you and Robin had gone to Hawkins High for three years and knew it like the back of your hand.
Still, it had gotten you here, 15 minutes early to the first bell, trapped in a room with no one other than Ms. Taylor, and Eddie Munson himself.
“You’ll be right there, beside Mr. Munson.” Ms Taylor had drawled monotonously, eyes focused on a stack of papers on her desk.
You froze, looking over at Eddie, who was scribbling down in a notebook in the second to last row of desks from the back. He looked up at you for a moment before going back to his writing.
“Did you hear me?” Ms Taylor said your last name. You snapped out of it, smiling over at her and gripping the strap to your backpack before making your way to the seat.
“Yeah. Sorry, Ms. Taylor.”
You sat down rigidly, looking anywhere but at Eddie. Ms Taylor left the room to refill her coffee cup in the teacher’s lounge, leaving you and him the only people in the room.
You felt your hands begin to shake at the impending doom of first period rolling around. You knew it was dumb; it’d been two years since the first-period-from-hell, and you still couldn’t shake your fear of home room. You clasped them together, folding your fingers on top of each other on the desk, trying to calm your breathing. Your heart pounded in your ears.
“Look, you can relax, okay,” Eddie’s annoyed voice beside you snapped you out of it. “I won’t bite.”
You looked over at him, his face looked impatient, though if you looked closely, you thought you could detect a little bit of hurt there too. Your eyebrows furrowed, before you realized what he must have been thinking.
He thought you were scared of him.
It made sense, though that was far from what was going through your head.
“No,” you began quietly, before clearing your throat. “That’s not what I—that’s not—that’s not it.”
“Whatever you say,” he mumbled, eyebrows raised as he continued writing.
That was the day it started. The watching him.
It’d begun as a way of coping; a way to distract yourself from Ms. Taylor’s droning on about Shakespeare, or the whispers of the two mean girls who sat at the front and liked to glance back at you and snicker.
Your therapist had mentioned the method to you a few months before, a way to maybe cope with your anxiety in anticipation with the upcoming school year. It was a method that your shrink had described as a way of ‘hyper-focusing’, or concentrating on one thing until the anxiety wore away.
And in the haze of your first day, you’d focused on Eddie.
But eventually, as the year wore on, it developed into something different.
You began to notice his hair; how it would fall over his face as he frowned in concentration at whatever he was writing in that book. His hands, big and flanked with gaudy silver rings. You began to wonder how they’d feel on your skin, running through your hair, over your stomach.
It was almost a type of game you played with yourself; a form of escapism. On days your anxiety got too much, the days your hands would sweat and your feet couldn’t cease their tapping, you could look beside you and focus on Eddie. And it would all fall away.
You supposed that’s why you kept your little obsession a secret; it was embarrassing.
Not the fact that you were infatuated with him, but the fact that you’d been using practically a complete stranger to talk yourself down from anxiety attacks. You hadn’t even told Robin, the person you shared everything with. And somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew that this wasn’t some little crush or admiration—it was more than that.
But you refused to admit that to yourself, because there was one huge, glaring problem. That being that Eddie Munson hated you. You were sure of it.
It was as if after the awkward encounter you’d shared at the beginning of the year, he avoided you like the plague. Not looking, talking, or even so much as breathing your way once. And the one time when you’d gotten the nerve to ask him a question, he’d barely grunted out a response before the had rung and he was gone.
That had been the first and last time you’d attempted to talk to Eddie Munson. Your crush was doomed, you knew it. Not only were you convinced he couldn’t stand you, you also were almost positive that he still thought you were scared of him, like he did at the beginning of the year.
Which, to be fair, you were. Just not in that way. As far as Eddie was concerned, you were scared of him in the judgy, superficial, ill-intentioned way that the rest of Hawkins was, not in the butterflies, tongue-tied, make-your-hands-sweat way that you truly were.
Besides, even if you were the most confident person in the world (you were far from it), and if Eddie didn’t, for some inexplicable reason, hate you, you were sure that you would have absolutely no chance with him anyway. Because why would Eddie Munson, all crooked smiles and sure steps and kind eyes, be even the least bit interested in you? It was inconceivable. Because you were shy and scared and binary and everything he was not.
So, you’d deduced that you were doomed to wait out this life-ruining crush the same way you’d been doomed to wait out countless other things in your high school life: silently.
- - - - -
Today was no different than the other nearly insufferable first periods you’d endured this school year, aside from the fact that today was Monday, which brought with it a more tired you, and a much, much more irritable Ms Taylor.
She’d assigned two detentions so far this period, to Bradley Green and Doug Mitchell, two boys from the basketball team that had been throwing spitballs and harassing Eddie, who merely smirked at them in response, effectively egging them on.
You glanced at the clock, tapping your foot subconsciously on the off-white tile below your feet.
5 minutes left, you reminded yourself, watching the clock tick down. Your hands started to clam up. Perfect.
You let out a shaky breath. A few rows in front of you, Pam Simpson and Diana Fiorelli glanced back, eyes zeroing in on you, before Pam snickered and leaned over to whisper into Diana’s ear.
This wasn’t new; they always had some off-color remark or an unnecessary eye-roll to throw at you ever since they found out about your close friendship with Steve Harrington, former king of Hawkins High.
How two nerds like yourself and Robin Buckley had managed to bag someone as popular as Steve the hair Harrington as a best friend seemed to be beyond them, and they sought everyday to punish you for it.
The truth was: Steve had left all of that behind. From the wake-up call that was his break-up with Nancy, to the whole fighting-monsters-from-another-dimension thing, he didn’t really care about it anymore. He’d found better friends in you guys. The whole Russians-in-Hawkins, and Starcourt “fire” helped too.
It was true what they said about trauma: it brought people together.
You tried to ignore their whispering, like Robin had encouraged you.
She was absolutely livid when she’d found out that Diana had “accidentally,” spilled her yogurt parfait over your new blouse last week. It had taken a whole five minutes of both you and Steve talking her down from her stupor to stop her from marching straight to the gymnasium, interrupting cheer practice, and giving Diana a black eye. After though, when you’d managed to calm your best friend down, she’d gone off—trying to convince you to stick up for yourself, to say something. If not to the mean girls themselves, then to Ms Taylor at the very least.
But that was the difference between you and Robin; where she would act, you would listen. Remain passive. It was a trait that served you well when it came to retaining information or solving upside-down-related issues, in situations like these, it kind of screwed you over.
You turned your head from the front of the classroom, blocking out Ms Taylor’s lecture on T. S. Elliot and instead turning your head to the desk beside yours. Eddie’s desk.
He was hunched over, head on his hands, which were crossed and folded on top of the desk in front of him. His chin rested there, and his dark eyes were focused on the board, squinting, as if trying to make out what it said.
He seemed to be trying to pay attention, a stark contrast to how you usually saw him hunched over around his worm notebook, scribbling or drawing.
He wore dark blue jeans today, instead of his usual black ones, and a Quiet Riot band T-shirt . His leather jacket was draped over the chair behind him, as Ms Taylor’s room was hot today. His hair fell messily over his back and in front of his face. His ringed fingers tapped on the desk—he was evidently as anxious for the class to end as you were.
You knew he had trouble focusing. You’d picked up on as much throughout the school year, watching him try and try and try to stay locked in to whatever Ms Taylor was teaching.
So many of your classmates had written him off: cult leader, satanist, idiot, freak, but you saw something different. The Eddie you knew (well, not really knew, more like observed) was none of those things. He was different, yes. Flamboyant, sure. But he was not an idiot. Nor was he evil or freakish or anything of the sort.
The ringing of the bell snapped you from your thoughts. You jerked your head back to your desk as your classmates began to pack up and bustle out to their next classes, the sound of backpacks zipping and chatter filling the classroom.
Per usual, Eddie was the first out of his seat, already packed and ready, before leaving the classroom with long strides, eyes trained on the floor, narrowly avoiding your gaze.
You shoved your notebook into your bag, bending over to zip it up and run like hell out of the classroom. You hoped to avoid any unnecessary contact with Pam and Diane. Ms Taylor cleared her throat, before saying your name.
“I’d like to see you for a moment, please,” she said monotonously, eyes focused on the grade book in front of her. A shot of anxiety spread through your stomach.
“Yes, Ms Taylor?” You asked quietly, noting that you were the only two people left in the classroom.
“You have one of the top grades in the class, second only to Mr. Levy, did you know that?” She asked, still not looking up. You puzzled. So you weren’t in trouble?
“Uh-I-no, I didn’t, actually.” You mumbled, brows furrowed.
“Indeed,” she hummed. “I also have been made aware that you are lacking an extracurricular for graduation, is that correct?”
Shit, you thought. She was right.
Last summer, you’d been set to take a summer gym elective; the ones that the school offered during the school year were too crowded and made your anxiety act up, so you and Robin had both signed up to take summer gym. However, the upside-down and the Russians’ presence in Hawkins at Starcourt had had other plans, so both you and her had failed the class, due to bad attendance. And while Robin had made sure to complete her gym credit last semester, you’d completely forgotten about the whole debacle until now.
“Yeah,” you breathed, in shock that you’d managed to forget about something so important when graduation was only months away. “I-I forgot—“
“I figured as much,” Ms Taylor cut you off, finally looking up at you. “Well, seeing as it’s too late in the semester to sign you up for any electives, it would seem that you’ll be having to repeat your senior year.”
Your breath left your lungs.
No, you thought, no, no, no. The last thing you could handle was another year stuck here. In this high school, in this city. You felt your breathing stutter at the thought.
“Luckily for you,” Ms Taylor continued, refocusing you on the moment. “I have a solution that may just save you from that.”
You blew out a breath between your lips, looking at her anxiously.
“Yes,” you breathed out. “Anything— I completely forgot about—“
“I trust you’re familiar with Mr. Munson?” She interrupted you. Your brows furrowed. What did Eddie have to do with this?
“Yes.”
“Well, then I’m sure you’re aware that this will be his second time repeating his senior year.” Ms Taylor looked up at you now, her beady eyes laser-focused. “If he fails again, the school won’t be giving him another chance. It would seem that this class is one of the only things standing between him and a one-way ticket out of this school.”
“I dont think I follow—“ you began.
“You will tutor Mr Munson.” She clarified, face stoic as ever. “From now until the end of the spring semester. If you do this, and if I see improvement, I will make it count as your extracurricular. You’ll be able to graduate on time, and he will get the hell out of my classroom for good.”
You were stunned—not only by the fact that you’d be forced into proximity Eddie Munson for the rest of the year, but the fact that Ms Taylor would speak so candidly about a student.
“I—I-“ you tried to articulate what to say next, but found you were unable to gather your thoughts.
“I can’t,” you finally managed, dumbly. Ms Taylor raised a thin eyebrow at you.
“Well,” she said. “It seems that unless you want to repeat your senior year, you don’t have much of a choice.”
“But, Ms Taylor, I—“
“Look,” she sighed your name. “You’re a smart girl. Mr Munson may be… a handful, but I promise he’s harmless. You will be fine. You can even meet on the school premises, if you’d feel better about that.”
Dear Lord, you didn’t know how to tell her that the reason why you couldn’t tutor him was not because of his reputation, or that you were scared of him, it was because you could barely form a coherent thought in his presence.
“Are we clear?” She asked, arms crossed. You tried to speak, but your mouth was dry. You just gulped and nodded.
“Good,” she smiled tightly. You sighed, turning to leave, already knowing you’d be late to your next class. She called your name as you began to exit, your hand on the door handle.
“Just know, I will be checking weekly with Mr Munson to see how tutoring is going. So don’t think that if you fail to show up I won’t know.”
You nodded, shutting the door behind you as you left.
Great. No escaping it. What if you embarrassed yourself? What if he really did hate you? What if—
“Hey.”
You jumped, too caught up in your thoughts to even notice the tall, lanky figure leaning up against the lockers next to Ms Taylor’s classroom.
“Jesus, sorry.” Eddie looked at you with wide eyes, an arm coming to steady you on your shoulder. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
When you just stared at him, he cleared his throat, removing his hand from your shoulder. A part of you mourned the loss.
“So, uh,” he began, looking down at his feet as he walked alongside you. You tried not to notice the faint scent of his cologne that sent a thrill through your gut. “So I guess she told you? About the tutoring?”
When his curly head snapped up to meet your eyes, you quickly faced forward, realizing that you’d been ogling his side profile while he was stumbling over his words. You nodded in confirmation.
“Ok,” he said, rubbing his hands on his legs. “Ok,” he repeated, stopping and turning to face you. “I’m just gonna cut the bullshit: I really, really need the help in this class.” His eyes were a bit wild, panicked. Like he thought you were going to run away from him the moment you got a chance. “Like, ‘really,’ as in, if I don’t pass, I don’t graduate. And I know you really don’t wanna do this, and she’s forcing you, and that you hate me, and you’re scared of me, and all that, but if you could please—please— just help me get through this class, I will make it as painless as possible spending all the time with me.”
By the end of his little speech, he looked frantic, like he was pleading—and you suppose he was. And before you could stop yourself, you just nodded, looking at him dumbly, before remembering to speak.
“I’ll help you pass.” Was all you could manage.
He sighed a breath of relief, running a hand down his face.
“Thank you,” he said, and you could’ve sworn it was the most sincere you’d ever heard him. “Thursday after school in the library sound good?”
- - - -
You arrived early, because, of course you did.
To say you were nervous would be an understatement; you were terrified. Mostly of making an even bigger fool of yourself than you had earlier in the week.
You’d spent the better part of the last three days poring over your last interaction with Eddie in the hallway, when he’d begged you to tutor him, and you’d gotten about five words in edgewise.
He’d practically accused you of hating him, and instead of correcting him—like you’d been dying to do for the whole semester—you stood there like an idiot.
You wished you’d told him then and there in that hallway that he was wrong; that you weren’t scared of him, and that you didn’t hate him. That you were just shy and awkward and he unnerved you. So, you decided to do just that.
Last night, while finally talking through the whole situation with Robin, you’d decided that the first words you’d say to him would be: “I’m not scared of you and I don’t hate you.”
It was a bit abrasive and to-the-point, you knew that. But, you also knew that if you let him get a word in before that, you’d lose your nerve. At least this way, you got your point across.
Your eyes ran over the page of your book for what felt like the fiftieth time. You sighed, throwing the worn novel down on the table.
There was no way you’d be able to get any reading done, not with your nerves eating you alive.
The book wasn’t that good anyway. You had no clue what Robin meant when she said Hemingway was ‘profound.’
You sighed again, eyes finding the clock in the library.
He was five minutes late.
You felt something deflate inside you. Maybe he’d been bluffing about the whole thing, or maybe he’d changed his mind and wouldn’t show. Your mind ran with the possibilities.
The library was sparse at this time.
It was just past three, and most students had already rushed out of the building. It was Thursday, which meant that the town was just waking up for the weekend. It wasn’t uncommon for friend groups to have small get-togethers, or even for one of the bigger cliques to throw a party.
In fact, Steve had managed to convince Robin and yourself to attend one later that night. Which was a feat, because you didn’t make a habit of going out.
It was at Darren’s house: one of the few friends from high school that Steve actually kept up with after, y’know, everything.
Robin was hoping Vicky would be there. You were just hoping to let loose a little.
With all this business with Eddie and your impending (maybe) graduation, your nerves had been through the roof. A party was just what you needed to calm down.
“Sorry,” he appeared out of nowhere, and before you could stop yourself, you jumped.
“Sorry!” Eddie rushed out, slumping down in the chair across from you. “Really, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to scare you all the time. Sorry I’m late.”
You stared at him.
God, he was pretty.
His hair was big and frizzy, per usual, and fell around his face as a halo. His brown eyes were wide and almost doe -like, and his cheeks were rosy with exertion.
He must have been running, you thought. But why? He wasn’t that late.
“Were you running?” You blurted before you could think. Your brows furrowed as you looked at him.
“Uhhhh, yeah,” he drawled. “Yeah, I ran into some trouble getting here.”
“What trouble?”
“The usual.” Eddie rubbed his eyes, and for the first time since he’d sat down, you noticed how disheveled he looked.
His white tee shirt was stained on the shoulder with what looked like… fruit?
“Is that… food on your shoulder?”
“Shit,” his gaze snapped to his shoulder. “Yeah, uhm. It’s jello.”
Eddie looked… embarrassed. For the first time in the time you’d known him, he looked sheepish.
“Was it Jason?”
“That obvious?” He laughed mirthlessly. In fact, it was a little menacing.
“He’s a dick.” You said without thinking.
Eddie just nodded, staring down a place on the table.
“Are you okay?”
He looked at you, dark eyes guarded.
He seemed to be sizing you up, eyes following you up and down. But his usual playfulness was gone. Instead, he looked almost… forlorn.
“Uh, yeah.” His lips lifted into a humorless smile. “Just done with this bullshit, I guess.”
“Hmm,” you hummed.
“I’m tired of people looking at me like I’m a freak. I’m tired of not behind able to fucking walk to class in peace, I’m tired of people being fucking,” he slammed his hands on the table in front of you. When you jump, he throws them up. “Scared of me!”
You stay silent for a moment, letting him stew and collect himself. After a few seconds, Eddie sighs.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t—“
“I’m not scared of you, and I don’t hate you.”
“—mean to—what?”
“I’m not scared of you.” You repeated, wiping your clammy hands on your jeans. “And I don’t hate you, like you said on Monday. I’m Im just,” you stopped to take a breath. “It’s just hard for me sometimes. With… new people.”
“You sure? Because you look scared to me.”
“You aren’t helping.”
Eddie shivered, rubbing at the jello-colored stain on his shoulder.
“Do you… want to change?” You asked shakily.
“What?”
“Nevermind,” you rushed out, shaking your head. “It’s nothing. You just—looked cold. I have an extra sweatshirt.”
“And you think it would fit me?”
“I like to wear them a few sizes too big.” You added lamely.
Eddie contemplated you for a moment, before sighing.
“What the hell,” he said half to himself. “Why not?”
After he pulled the lilac crew neck over his head, he smiled.
“Okay,” he chuckled. “I’m sorry. Thank you for doing this. I know it can’t be great for your…image.”
You snorted at that.
“Yeah, my image isn’t exactly suffering.”
“Yeah?” He leaned forward, setting his chin on his fists.
God, his forearms. You forced yourself to look away.
“Yeah. Not exactly prom queen here.”
“Eh, prom queen is overrated.”
You laughed, your own crinkling eyes meeting his. You thought you saw his eyes soften as they looked at you. The vision of him there, in front of you, made your stomach flip.
You cleared your throat, turning to your notes in front of you.
“So,” you straightened your notebook. “Ready to talk about T. S. Elliot?”
- - - -
The party was loud. Mötley Crüe boomed through the speakers that Darren’s rich family had in what seemed like every room.
You silently thanked Darren for having good music taste. The party would have been unbearable otherwise.
You sighed as you walked out the back door of the house. The inside had gotten a bit too stuffy for you, and with Robin trailing after Vickie and Steve reconnecting with one of his old flames, you were flying solo for the time being.
You brushed your jeans with your hands before sitting down on the back step, a lukewarm rum and coke in the solo cup in your hand.
You felt yourself deflate.
As a senior in high school, this was the closest you’d come to actually living.
While Robin had had her fair share of secret flings and parties and Steve had lived a wild four years of high school, you were just… there.
At eighteen years old, you felt like you’d missed out. Been robbed. The Upside Down had something to do with that, you supposed. Fighting for your own and the kids’ lives from Russians and other-worldly demon creatures tends to do that. Still, it didn’t stop your friends from living. You felt like you’d let your teen years pass you by, but mostly, you felt pathetic.
Sure, you had the grades, but rather than that? You had nothing to show for your time at Hawkins High.
“Hey tutor,” the smooth drawl came from the side of the house. You’d know it anywhere.
Eddie rounded the corner of the house, approaching where you were sitting on the back step.
He wore the same black jeans he wore earlier today, but his jello-stained shirt and your lilac crew neck were gone, replaced by a t-shirt with what looked like Judas Priest’s logo. His arms were crossed over his chest, covered by the black leather he wore more often than not.
“Hey,” you offered lamely, rubbing your hands together.
“What ya doing out here all alone?” He came to stop in front of you, his chunky combat boots taking up your line of vision.
“Just…taking a breather.” You smiled up at him, tight-lipped.
“Hmm,” he hummed. “Scoot over, then. It’s a little too… preppy for me in there.”
You obliged, scooting over a few feet so he could sit next to you. As he dropped down on the concrete step next to you, he was close enough that you caught his scent.
It was deep, some kind of cologne, mixed with cigarette smoke and a hint of what you knew was weed.
“So…” Eddie bumped his shoulder into yours. “Thought this wasn’t your crowd?”
“It’s not,” you pressed your hands between your knees. “Robin and Steve dragged me here. I thought it would help me… unwind.”
“Robin… she’s in band right?”
You nodded.
“And Steve… I don’t think I know that one.”
You chuckled.
“You definitely do,” you peeked over at him, eager to see his reaction. “Uh, Steve Harrington?”
Eddie looked at you like you grew a second head.
“The hair?” He asked incredulously.
“The very same,” you nodded.
“God, sweetheart.” Eddie shook his head. “I’m beginning to question the company you keep.”
Your heart leapt at what he called you. Sweetheart.
“I know, I know,” you held out your hands. “He was an asshole. But he’s different now.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“He is!” You turned to Eddie defensively. “I wouldn’t be friends with him if he was still the way he used to be. He isn’t like…”
“Jason?” Eddie raised an eyebrow at you. “Like Pam and Diana?”
“Exactly.” You nodded. “He’s still… peppy. He just lost all the bad parts.”
“Hmm,” he crossed his arms. “I’ll take your word for it.”
A moment of silence passed between the two of you, the only sounds being your breath and the roar of the party inside. Your breaths swirled in the chilly air around you.
“Why are you here?” You spoke finally. “You said this wasn’t your scene.”
“It’s not,” he shrugged, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a little baggy filled with green substance. “I’m, uh, supplying the party favors.”
You snorted at that.
“These things good business?”
“You have no idea.” He nodded to the inside of the house. “A lot of these kids’ allowance is more than what my uncle makes in a week.”
You hummed, content to just sit in silence.
Eddie tilted his head at you, leaning his chin on his hands again like he did earlier in the library. He tilted his cheek toward you, an easy smile on his lips.
“So, why are you really out here, tutor-girl?” He looked at you curiously. “You look upset.”
You drew a heavy breath, before sighing.
“It’s dumb.” You picked at your nails.
“Try me.”
“I feel like..” you looked up, before turning to Eddie. “I feel like I’ve missed out. I’m a senior, I’m graduating this year, and I have done nothing.”
Eddie’s eyebrows furrow, but he doesn’t move to interrupt you. He only leans further toward you, spurring you to continue. The alcohol gave you the rest of the confidence you lacked.
“All my friends have had their little rebellions. Their flings, all of it. And I have done nothing, except drink shitty booze and nearly lose my mind.”
You blew a deep breath once you’d finished. Somehow, you felt even worse—more pathetic—now that you’d vocalized it.
But Eddie didn’t look at you like you were pathetic. Instead, he looked pensive, hand on his chin as he contemplated. It was your instinct to backtrack.
You moved to stand
“Sorry. That was a lot. Nevermind. Let’s just forget I—“
“No, no, don’t apologize.” He grabbed your arm and gently pulled you back to sit beside him. “Especially after what I dumped on you earlier.”
Your cheeks were red, you could tell. Whether that be because of the combination of the alcohol and the confession, you couldn’t tell.
“Hmm,” Eddie hummed, still thinking. You snuck a glance over at him and noticed a wry smile on his face. “Let’s fix it then.”
“What?”
“We have til May, don’t we? That’s eight months. Your senior year isn’t over yet.”
You laughed nervously.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that—“
“You’re not! I’m offering. Consider it payback for all the hours you’ll be tutoring me in Taylor’s class.”
“Okay…”
“Okay.” Eddie smiled. “It’s a deal, then .”
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ebaylee422 · 1 year
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Decking the Halls
Steve Harrington X Girlfriend!reader
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Author’s Note:  Angst to cute sex, I’m not sorry. This is post Season 3, pre Season 4. I just love being angsty. I also really needed to clear my drafts soooo X-mas in March everyone!
Summary: Stockings aren’t the only things being stuffed this Christmas season. Steve has never decorated for Christmas, he’s embarrassed and doesn’t want to ruin your sprit by avoiding you. Don’t worry though, he shows you just how appreciative he is after. 
Characters: Steve Harrington, Girlfriend reader, mentions of shitty parents and the rest of the ST nuggets. Best Friend Robin Buckley!!
Warnings/Tags: Smut (Minors DNI!!!) abandonment issues? as an intro, p in v sex, marking kink, praise kink, fem oral (receiving). breeding?
Word Count: 3k
Part One/?
You had tried everything to get Steve into the Christmas spirit: buying decorations for your apartment, getting matching pj’s, going to watch the lights in Indianapolis,  watching Christmas movies, the Ice-Skating was most regrettable because you fell forward and knocked your teeth hard enough to bleed. Even planning a white elephant with him and his friends, sharing hot cocoa and warmth of your space heater. What you didn’t know is as soon as he left your place he was greeted by his parents' empty house. Decorated from some stupid trendy catalog his mother only glanced at before swiping a credit card. His father, not even home long enough to realize the tinsel monstrosity within the living room. The presents underneath were fake, they stopped being real when his father told him to grow up. That Santa wasn’t real, saying he needed to start giving instead of hoping for some joy from a fat man each holiday season. So that’s exactly what he did, the first Christmas he’d enjoyed in a long time was on Christmas of 83’, when he was with Nancy. They’d gotten each other meaningful gifts, it was the happiest Christmas he thought he’d ever had. Even if he went home unable to look at his pool outside for too long knowing his friend had died. Even if there were disgusting monsters trying to eat his friends when they had the chance. How horrible humans were in comparison, like the Russians nearly beating him to death at Starcourt. Instead of celebrating what he was thankful for, he felt immense guilt every holiday. He’d confided in you once about his survivor's guilt, as you had called it a couple months ago during an intense flashback. You’d comfort him, make sure he wasn’t alone. He didn’t want to be anyone’s burden, Steve knew you were worried about him it would show whenever he ‘had’ to leave for work or Robin’s, or get clothes from his place.
It all came to a standstill when you’d asked him if he would come pick a Christmas Tree with you. Wanting to have it up before the kids came over, finish decking-the-halls you’d told him. Only Steve didn’t know what picking out a Christmas Tree was, sure it’s self explanatory but what if he made a fool of himself. With his pretty rich boy ‘I’ve never had to pick one out’, it seemed too intimate. Sure you’d bared your body-mind-and-soul to him, but wanting to do something so domestic together like picking out a Christmas Tree. For your first Christmas together as a couple, it was scary for him. So instead of being a Scrooge so he could work on his feelings, he faked an illness even going as far as calling out sick today. Keith hadn’t been too happy but chopped it up to Steve sucking too much face on the job and gave him the day anyway. And he was back to square one, an empty ugly house with none of your warmth. People would think his middle name was self-sabotage, especially when that door-bell rang. He got up from his cocoon from the coach with a groan, an aching shooting up to his spine when his socked feet hit the freezing hardwood. Shined and renewed for the inevitable party his parents would throw this Christmas Eve for work friends, where they forgot they even had a son. He stopped dead in his tracks shaking the sleep from his eyes when they were met with yours, holding a tote bag while shaking the light dusty of snow off your figure. It melted into your skin leaving you shiny with the dew, nose and ears kissed pink while your chin and neck were tucked tightly with the collar of your coat and scarf. You smiled at him as he studied your form, like an angel sent just for him. He was bundled up in simple joggers, thick wool socks and heavy blanket around his shoulders worn like a cape tucked around his body, but shirtless still despite it being nearly as cold inside as it is outside. Shaking your body of the remaining snow, laying the tote bag of groceries and sick necessities you’d brought over on the stairs so you could slide out of your heavy snow covered boots.
“Hi baby, how r’ you feeling?” you asked him with a voice full of sticky sweetness and adoration. His face changed in that moment from shock to guilty, you felt the change floating in the air like oil through water.
“What are you doing here?” He asked louder than either of you had expected, causing you to turn his way fully as you began to undo the ties of your coat. 
“I came to check on you, bring you some-”
“Why?” He scoffed, tucking the blanket to cover himself from the breezing air flow of the open hall. You were wearing a red corduroy skirt, with black stocking underneath and a cream sweater that didn’t even compare to how soft your hair was laid across your shoulders. You looked at him like he hung up the stars, even though you were the brightest thing about his life.
“Robin called me worried about you saying you called out because you were sick. So I canceled the tree plans to come check on you because you didn’t call me. I even whipped up some Chicken and Rice soup and scrunched up a couple medicines.”
“You shouldn’t have done that, I’m fine Y/N. You should go get your tree and I’ll see you on Friday like you planned.” he brushed off your kindness,
“Well I wanted to take care of you.” you told him shyly, "You haven't been around as often."
“Okay thanks.” he shook his head, body and tone still uncomfortable and unmatched of your own tenderness.
“Do you not want me here or something?” You scoffed with affection grabbing the bag from the stairs, stepping in front of him giddy with untamable affection.
“No.” He answered quickly and when your face dropped, his own heart went with it when you backed away from him. “No, I mean yes but not right now. I’m just-”
“It’s fine, Steve." You cut him off, turning away and grabbing your stuff. "I get it, I’m sorry I could’ve called.” he stopped you putting out his hand as an olive branch. You took it without hesitation, sniffling away the tears that built up for weeks of you arguing and avoiding each other. 
“Don’t you dare apologize, especially to me.” He took your reddened cheeks in his hands as he pressed a kiss to your temple, “I’m just being an idiot, I’m sorry but I’m not even sick so you doing all this nice shit over-” 
“I know you’re not sick, Steve. You’re a terrible faker.” You said factually, with a teasing tone. Still not looking at him but rather at your wiggling toes against the shiny floor.
“Oh really now? Robin didn’t tell you anything.”
“Well the strange, ‘Steve wanted my shift the same day he always has off’ the one day I could go tree picking with you. Then calling out and claiming illness, and not calling me is pretty obvious.” You let the bag fall again, his shoulders relaxed as you tugged on the length of his blanket. “Are you breaking up with me?” you asked with furrowed brows and a whimper to your voice.
“No!” Steve yelled, “No never no, I-I love you so much. You are my favorite everything Y/N.” He wrapped you both in the blanket tugging you flush against him. “I just have a hard time with the holidays, I don’t really know what to do with myself. I didn’t want to be embarrassed, it was a lot of pressure.” You both held each other silently letting the fear wash over both of you, until you giggled into his neck.
“I love you, Steve. Honestly, just talking to me would’ve saved us both a headache.” He sighed heavy as he wrapped his arms tighter around you, head resting on your chin.
“Jeez, what are we gonna do with me?” he whispered into your scalp, the fluffy hair on his chest tickling your cheek as you were held by his heart.
“I can think of one.” You pursed your lips, closing your eyes with your chin held high awaiting a kiss. He obliged you immediately, cupping your cheeks in his hands to accurately press his lips to yours. His hands were freezing, sending a shiver and gasp involuntarily out of you. Steve took the opportunity to lick into your mouth, tasting-ly. Pulling back before you could reciprocate, you whined gripping his biceps accidentally pushing off his blanket.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, nose brushing against yours.
"I didn't mean to pressure you, you just seem so sad."
"You make me happy."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, you could meet me in an ice cream shop above a secret Russian base. While enjoying strawberry more than chocolate ice cream and you'll still make me happy." 
"Well, if our circumstances of meeting are the worst part of the relationship, I think that's a pretty good incentive to making better more normal memories, yeah?"
"Maybe." He kissed the tip of your still pink nose.
"Maybe, we could go back to my place? It's always freezing here." You added with a shiver making the hairs on your arms stand up.
"Not when you're here. Just stay here a second longer." His lips moved with their own incentive. It didn't take much convincing on either of your parts before you were upstairs in his room. A path of clothes thrown haphazardly off of each other through broken giggles and soft kisses, until your just in under clothes. He holds you to him as he opens the door to his room, and your feet barely touch the floor as he twirls the two of you around. Bringing you down with him as he falls backward on the bed with a thud. Kissing you with fondness, sweet like the honey color of his eyes. You loved him so much it hurt like the side pains after laughing so hard you teared up. Like when you realize that magic might not be real but people were and kindness. Kindness and compassion were the real magic. People found a reason to be with each other, even if it was once a year. Steve never had that. Everything in his life was transactional, Christmas, school, his parents, most other relationships. Those few closet to him probably haven't ever seen this side either. The checkered boy room with little to no traces of living aside from Steve's nightstand with Polaroids of everyone scattered about. A bin in his closet kept hidden away where he'd kept his Scoops Ahoy name tag, a letter from a pen-pal in sixth grade, ticket stubs of every drive in movie. Some more Polaroids for his eyes only you'd given him after you first started dating, and he'd left his shirt in your room. Even as you lay on top of him now, kisses sucked into your neck, his strong hands massaging your sides in worship. You couldn't help what words came out next.
"Come with me." You begged him breathlessly opening your eyes to see his lips swollen and slick, hair haloed and shaggy around his face and sheets. Like melting caramel against the ugly grey and navy bedding.
"Already babe, I haven't even touched you." He mumbled rocking his pelvis into yours, forcing your legs to accommodate him more with a thigh on either side of his hips. You sat up taller straddling him, a pout etched into your face.
"No, I mean. Come home with me, lets live together. I'll get rid of things you can bring whatever you want, I can dip into my tuition nest egg and buy whatever we need for the apartment. Make it yours too, or we can find another one that you like better. I just want you all to myself." He sat up holding onto your waist so you didn't fall, making you squeak with the shift in position. Your heart sank as his eyes were so wide they could've jumped out of his skull.
“What?” he asked as his breath caught in his throat, a pure swell of undoubtable happiness warming him from the tip of his nose down to his sock covered feet.
“It’s just, I wasn’t lying Stevie. I wanna take care of you, you give so much to every-” He kissed you, desperately. Teeth clashing and tongues forming together making you dizzy enough to loose balance upright on your knees. Pulling back to gasp for air, a string of spit connecting you to him. He wiped it away, tucking his head into your chest.
“You’re perfect. I’ll do anything to make you happy.”
“Even picking out a Christmas Tree with me?”
“I will grow you a damn Christmas Tree, even better I’ll get the kids to help me chop down one in my backyard!”
“Stevie! That’s dangerous.”
“Well, sweets. 
Danger.
Is.
My middle name.” He trailed four kisses down your body, stopping just shy of your covered mound. Hooking his fingers under the band of your underwear, biting your hip making you buck up long enough for him to shimmy them off your legs.
“I thought your middle name was Alexander?”
“You won’t your own name once I’m done with you.” He said sultry, kneeling at the foot of the bed. Yanking your ankles to bring you closer to his mouth, spreading your legs wide and over his shoulders. You were beautiful, regardless what you were doing but letting him take care of you. Make you feel good and be vulnerable, made his head spin. Your lips were sticky with arousal, he could smell your sweet nectar begging for him to taste you. Marks still slightly visible from last time, he started there sucking and biting the mailable flesh. 
“Stevie, please-” You cried out, hands trying to find purchase with his. He stopped sucking a bruise, eyes blown wide when he found yours. Locking your hands to your sides,
“Your so sweet, baby. Asking so nicely.” He chastely kissed on your hood, tongue licking underneath to wet and flick at your clit. You groaned and threw you head back, “So sweet, baby. Keep your legs open for me. I have a lot of apologizing to do down here.”
“Stevie, no I want you. Please.” You writhed on the bed trying to keep your legs spread for him, he blew cool air at your entrance causing you to clench around nothing. You body craved to be filled, senses overwhelmed of one thing: Steve, Steve, Steve!
“Just wanna warm you up, we have all the time in the world sweets. Wanna wreck this bed before leaving.” He was antagonizing you, teasing with his pretty words and slightly movements you couldn’t even respond him. He licked a line from your entrance to your clit, groaning at your taste. Hips colliding with the end of his bed to relieve pressure as he sucked your clit into his mouth. Rolling the bud with his tongue, your nail dug into his knuckles as you shook with ecstasy.
“ ‘S so good, Stevie. Don’t stop-” You were so pent up from earlier all it took was a few more rolls of his tongue against you and for you to fall apart. Concentrating on keeping your legs open for him, as he licked you clean. Nudging his nose against your sensitive clit, he let go of one of your hands tangling it in his hair.
“Hold it out of my face, baby. I want one more before I cum inside you.” He coated his fingers with your release, slowly sliding in one as his tongue still fucked into you. You couldn’t help rocking your hips against his face when he added another finger inside you. Scissoring, stretching you and rubbing against your spongy spot. You tugged at his locks when he came back up to suck at your clit again, you didn’t even notice the heat break in your belly until you gushed and clenched around his fingers. You pushed at his forehead from sensitivity, barely able to catch your breath when you pulled him up to kiss you. lips and chins dripping of you. Trailing your nails down his soft tummy following the happy trail underneath his boxers, you met him halfway stroking his thick cock with your slick. Still coating his hand, pre-cum dripping from his tip making the sounds completely pornographic.
“ ‘m not gonna last baby, want you so bad.” He whispered against your lips, breathing heavy with a sheen of sweat layering you both in the smell of sex.
“Need you too, wanted you ages ago.” You sassed, making him laugh against your cheek as he stood. You wrapped your legs around his waist, his cock twitched when it brushed against the inside of your thigh.
“You gotta big mouth on you, sweet girl.”
“You better do something about it, Harrington.” With a roguish grin he ran his length over your clit once before pushing ever so slightly inside. Taking your breaths away, you were the girl and only girl who could take Steve’s fat cock completely. He just has to ease you into it, inch by inch until his hip bone grazed the back of your thighs. Steve stood tall and far enough away you couldn’t kiss him from where you were sprawled out under him. You pulled and squeezed at your breasts still contained by your bra. His cock glistening with your slick as he pulled his hips back, then pushing deeper inside his sack pressed tight against your ass. Steve nearly loss his balance when you clenched around him, putting his hands under your knees. Folding you in half made it feel like he was in your throat, he leaned over you the pressure of his body as he set a ruthless pace set flames in your abdomen. Pounding his cock into you over and over again moaning out praises as he bullied all the way to your cervix. Punching breaths out of you watching as your tits bounced, you had enough pulling him fully on top you. Hands indenting his shoulders as your hips met his, clit pulsing and with need. 
“You feel so good. Shit, shit- I’m cumming, cumming inside.” Steve’s core tighten as he ran two finger over your clit, heat erupted across your body. You milked Steve dry, his warm seed and your three orgasms dripping from each others groin. You pulled him on top of you, comforted by his weight on you as his cock softened inside you. 
“Do you really want too?” You asked in the post orgasm bliss, running a hair through his now tangled locks. “I don’t want to trap you with amazing sex and joy but it’s definitely a perk.” Steve rose onto his elbows, still seated inside you. Brushing the hair out of your face, with softness.
“I’m sure we can wreck this bed a lot more than just cum stains.” Pushing at his chest, he pulled out of you gently. Scurrying to his bathroom where you listened as he turned on the faucet in the shower. Sitting up, he came back with all his glory. Hand raised for you to take, the same olive branch you’d given him at Starcourt. All this time. “I can’t wait to spend Christmas in our home, together.”
You’d never been so excited to spend the holidays with anyone else.
Masterlist 
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losing-dog-art · 9 days
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I just drafted all of this then lost it I'm going through a wall
Finished murderbot concept!!!
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With bonus version with clothes 🎉
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I have been making a lot of art lately (this is because I am procrastinating other things 😶)
Explanations below the cut (there was going to be a video but tumblr decided to fuck that)
So I have this old post about some head cannons for MBs appearance, but doing this full body design involved more thinking
I find it interesting that MB really only ever describes it's appearance when it's relevant to the plot/fight/scene, so anything that isn't relevant is left to our imagination. That being said:
MB says all it's inorganic parts are covered by a long sleeve shirt with a collar, pants and shoes. This means no inorganic parts on its face or hands
MB says it has no organic parts on its feet.
Slightly deeper cuts but MB mentions that it has inorganic and organic parts around its knees (I believe in exit strategy) and that it has an accessible company under its ribs (artificial condition)
People are often surprised when they see MB out of armor -- people who aren't familiar with secunits don't expect it to look as human as it does
MBs skin is canonically clear af (network effect I think)
Based on those handful of canon details, you can imagine Mb a lot of different ways -- this is great! And I've said before I think Martha Wells does this very much intentionally. So, that being said, here is some of my thoughts in this interpretation:
Based on that last point, MB looks surprisingly human. For me, this means soft facial features, eyelashes, and more organic parts than you might expect. Also, the inorganic parts are also round and nice looking -- this is partly just me thinking in a fun sci-fi way but also secunits are designed to be comforting
I've seen some people give it mechanical legs that are kind of bird-like or resemble running prosthetics. I think this is super cool and it makes a lot of sense-- those legs are basically a better form of bipedalism and let you run faster etc. BUT they would significantly change your gait. And thus be something MB considers when it is trying to pass as human. So I gave it more human feet, with the important toes and everything
I'm no expert on robotics or anatomy, but I really tried to think a little bit functionally. How would a secunit fold? How would it bend over, squat down, etc? I tried to give the look of some kind of shock system in the ankles, and conical-axis based joints. the hip area is probably the weak point in my design in this areas, idk, imagine ball bearings or something
For clothes, it's pretty straightforward. MB describes this more than a few times, but I tried to give some slightly fun sci-fi decoration bits
I tried to think about how androgyny might be generated in a silhouette in an unintentional way -- androgyny that is the result of functional design decisions and not aesthetic ones.
Idk. I had a lot of fun with this. This took about 4 hours (I've been trying not to overwork stuff lately and let the process show through) I might try and post the speed-draw video later? As a reblog perhaps. Idk Tumblr didn't like it the first time
Also a girl on bumble mentioned reading all systems red and I had to act so normal
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roseluxxx · 9 months
Text
GHOSTIN
Miguel O’Hara x Reader
warnings: cursing, hispanics, part 1
word count: 1.1k
summary: sent to a town to finish a report, the ghost he’s living with decides.. maybe he should stay
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“Tomorrow?”
“Yes. The last truck is finally ready to move with all the latest equipment needed for this study; it cannot be procrastinated any longer, O’Hara.”
“Ay dios mío.” the scientist ran his fingers through his hair, eyes wide at the news that the “months away” move to a reclusive house in a far away “no-name” town was tomorrow.
This was technically his fault as his reluctance to complete the report on “Gene Growth Combined Experiment 4 (chemical X42): A conclusion on the development of the embryo.” as the full title stated, finally caught up to him.
He had just been busy developing the Spider-Anthropoid’s final stages; an equally important trial study to him, but not so much to Alchemax.
“You have a month at most, I will try to advocate for an extended stay but it’s in your best interest to finish this conclusion report swiftly. Are we clear?”
“Crystal.”
“Wonderful. Now get out of my office O’Hara, the driver will take you to your place and pick you up nice and early tomorrow. Be ready.”
Miguel fought back his taunting remark and left the cold, heartless office.
His work was important. If successful it would create the first human-spider hybrid combination and create an endless amount of possibilities. Ideally to improve the state of the common person, but he wasn’t naive enough to not think it wouldn’t be used for military advances.
“What time tomorrow?”
“9am sharp. Won’t be me though, my friend Gus will he here.” The driver glacéd in the rear view mirror as he pulled up to the window filled penthouse Miguel had the luxury to live in.
“None of my business, sir, but a word from my eavesdropping on the men who I chauffeured earlier.. apparently your new short term living space comes with a rumored “ghost friend”.”
Miguel scoffed, grabbing his coat and laying a few bucks in the drivers’ outstretched hand as he opened the car door, “If it’s none of your business then stay out of it,” he exited the car, “but thanks, chismoso.”
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The next morning Miguel snatched the suitcases he packed, shut his blinds and locked his door, making his way to the waiting Taxi.
“Be ‘bout a 20 minute drive to the airport, sir, including traffic.”
He grunted in response, looking out the window as he half listened to the clearly extroverted mans’ essay on his new city’s attractions.
“Yep. But I did hear about that ghost in your house. Good luck with that.”
Miguel’s ears perked up. Ghost? All this talk about this damn ghost was getting him annoyed. Even if there’s such a thing as ther paranormal, he won’t be bothering them and subsequently they don’t have to bother him. Easy.
The yellow cab pulled up to the front of the airport, crowded as usual, and the broad man reluctantly gripped his belongings, giving the world another sigh before preparing himself for a 2 hour flight.
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The keys were old, silver, the three individual ones clinging against each other as Miguel pulled them out of the mailbox, a letter falling to the ground.
To Current Renters,
Please note that this property is built on a solid foundation and the doors are properly built into the door frame.
A house is built with consideration to weather events so a very slight creak/sway is expected and not worrying.
It prevents the house from being too stiff and allows for a longer lifespan.
The windows may also be slightly loose within the window frame so feel free to lock them if the draft becomes too much.
No need to report noises either as the walls may run a little thin and animal calls can sound like humans if you are listening through a surface like a wall.
All this to say do not call us to report noises, wind, or creaking in the house.
Sincerely,
(for real.. do not contact us with these issues)
The Owner - Stephen Vincent
He opened the door on his second try, figuring the other keys lead to some kind of garage or safe. The door swung open with a small groan, almost apprehensive with his arrival.
The house itself was comfortable. A glass sliding door across the living space connected to large windows showcasing the beauty forests have to offer; a patio sitting beyond the door.
The kitchen was adorned with dark gray marble tops and a gray and white overall aesthetic for the counters and appliances. It was simple, classy, exactly what his boss thought would allow his mind to stay focused on his task.
Speaking of, the office space had been pre-turned into a small research center complete with the necessary chemicals, equipment, and state of the art technology. If he hadn’t known better he would’ve thought he had a whole mother experiment to conduct while he only needed to draw the conclusions in a consiste report.
That would be left for later, though. He entered what seemed to be his room. Comfortable. A light grey and white with a calming blue pop of color in the decor. Good enough.
Once his luggage had been felt with, he returned to the kitchen to find his fridge already stocked. Perfect.
He began a simple meal of blanco arroz con pollo frito when you saw him. Another one. Only one this time though. He should be easy enough.
You moved closer, getting a better look at this intruder. Immediately you noticed he was handsome, worth a second glance at least. He was toned beyond anyone who had set foot here before, a calm, concentrated expression settling on his face as he seasoned his chicken.
Miguel was dealing with the hot stove, his loungewear on that had just enough coverage to keep him warm when he stopped abruptly, feeling a chill run down his arm.
He dismissed it quickly. It was a new house to him and the air outside cooled drastically at night, a soft draft probably crept in. Big deal.
You decided rather quickly to let him stay for a bit. He was charming, exactly your type if you were honest with yourself which, ofcourse, you’d rather not be when said man barged into your home unannounced.
“You hold my interest,” you peaked at a blue ALCHEMAX security card, seeing the name Miguel O’Hara and the same man that was humming softly as he finished frying his dinner smiling up at you, “I’ll be watching, Miguel O’Hara.”
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Thank you for reading! Reposts are extremely appreciated!❣️
A/N: Feel free to send in a request! (taking new ones for a short period of time)
This is part 1 to my new GHOSTIN series! Feel free to comment if you’d like to be added to the tag list!
Like my work? Check out my masterlist!
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Also the warnings were a joke (Hispanics)
dont take it up the ahh🥱
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rapunzelbro · 11 days
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A sacrifice for a friend Angel Dust x Reader 3.5
Let’s just ignore the fact I forgot this draft. Uh. Yeah anywho enjoy (sorry I low key forgot)
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Masterlist Taglist
1 2 2.5 3 3.5 4 5 6 Statement
Angel Dust stands in the middle of his room, eyes wide with disbelief and horror. His hands shake uncontrollably as he watches the video on his phone, unable to tear his gaze away from the screen. It's as if he's watching a scene from a nightmare, unable to process the reality of what he's seeing. The porn film features someone named ‘Vixiepop’ but he knew it was you, alive and well. His heart pounds against his ribcage, threatening to burst out of his chest as he wonders how this could be possible.
He can feel Husk's presence behind him, as the door to his room swung open, but he doesn't dare turn around. He knows that if he looks at the other man, he'll see the same expression of shock and confusion that he feels himself. Instead, he focuses on the video, hoping for it to provide some sort of answer as to why you be alive. The room started to spin, he takes a shaky breath, trying to steady himself, but it does little to help.
Husk gently places a hand on Angel's shoulder, offering what little comfort he can. "Angel, you need to calm down. We need to figure out what's going on here." His voice is calm and reassuring, but it does little to ease the panic that's beginning to claw at Angel's throat.
The room feels like it's spinning out of control, and Angel can't seem to catch his breath. He looks around wildly, tears streaming down his face, his chest heaving with each ragged breath. The only thing he can focus on is the video, the image of you, alive and well.
Husk gently leads him to the bed, helping him sit down before kneeling in front of him. "Angel, look at me. You need to calm down. We're going to figure this out together. Okay?" He holds Angel's shoulders, his grip firm but not painful. The other man's eyes are wild, darting back and forth between Husk and the video.
Angel nods, trying to take in a deep breath, but his chest is still heaving. His vision starts to clear, and he focuses on Husk's face. "But how? How is it possible? they’re supposed to be dead. I saw their contract with my own eyes. How can they be alive?" His voice breaks on the last word, and fresh tears stream down his face.
Husk sighs, rubbing his face with one hand. "I don't know, Angel. I don't know how or why they’re alive. But we have to find out. We have to figure this out together." He looks back up at Angel, his expression solemn.
Angel nods, taking another shaky breath. "Okay. We'll find out. But... what do we do in the meantime? Do we tell anyone? Charlie? " He feels like his world is spinning out of control, and he's desperate for something, anything, to make sense of it.
Husk considers this for a moment. "I don't think we should say anything to Charlie just yet. We don't want to alarm her or make things worse. We should gather more information first. You focus on your breathing, okay? Try to calm down." He pats Angel's knee reassuringly.
As Angel begins to steady his breaths, he nods at Husk's words. "Okay. I'll try. So... what do we do first?" He looks up at Husk, hopeful that the other man has some sort of plan to help them navigate this unimaginable situation.
Husk stands, offering Angel a hand up. "First, I want to go to where you and Y/n used to hang out.." He pauses, his expression softening. "You're sure you're feeling up to it? Because we can wait until you're feeling better if you need more time. It is Valentinos club”
Angel takes Husk's hand, squeezing it gratefully. "I'll be fine. Let's go now." He wipes his face with the back of his hand, trying to compose himself. "Maybe we'll find something there that will help us understand what's going on."
As they leave the room and head towards the club, a mixture of emotions swirls through Angel's chest. Part of him is terrified, still struggling to accept the impossible reality before him, while another part is filled with a renewed sense of determination. He can't help but feel like fate has given him a second chance, and he's going to do everything in his power to make the most of it.
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malleusfucker · 1 year
Text
after seeing what happened in the new event & all the theories i wanted to write about malleus bein all soft but i don’t have time to write anything long so heres a lil something from my drafts i did like 4 months ago 👍
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warnings: smut/nsfw, soft sex, oral (receiving), unprotected sex, mentions of 2 pps, afab but no gender or pronouns are explicitly specified
words: 1.6k
~
you wrapped your arms around his body, tugging lightly at his coat to indicate that you wanted him to take it off. one thing that always bothered you about him was the way he always practically smothered himself in his clothing, not leaving an inch of skin visible but the part on his face. it was an irrational pet peeve you had the privilege to develop just out of greed, craving his warmth against you every hour of the day despite looking so gorgeous in anything he wore. he seemed to pick up on your intentions very quickly, with a snap of his fingers both of your clothes vanished and dropped to the ground. “eager, aren’t we?” he smirked slightly with one hand wrapped around the side of your body, nuzzling his face in your neck. ironically, the way he was behaving—licking and nibbling at your neck as his fingers glided up and down your body—would suggest that he would be the eager one.
he cuddled up next to you, pulling the sheets over your naked bodies as he continued to kiss your neck. your face was flushed, and the heat of the covers and malleus against you made your vision hazy, with glossed-over eyes you gazed at him as he started to trail more wet kisses down to your collarbone. you whined against his touches, with each kiss that he gently lay upon your skin travelling lower down your body, making you abruptly grab his hair as he rested his head on your bare stomach. “so beautiful…” he stopped his ministrations for a moment just to admire you, sliding and stroking his hands up your chest before slowly tracing small circles around your nipples, making you whimper. his touches felt almost too good; feeling yourself twitch and leak only furthered your ever-growing embarrassment as he continued to place soft kisses and licks below your stomach before he eventually got to your thighs. “mal…” you moaned out, sounding like a broken record as it seemed that his name would soon become the only part of your vocabulary for the rest of the night. caressing his hair, malleus looked back up at you with an expression that would make any sane person go crazy - it being filled with so much love and adoration that you wonder how you managed to be so lucky, having someone admire you as much as he does makes your head spin every time you share an intimate moment with him.
his love was sickly. nuzzling his face against your leg, he hummed as he brought his hands down to your abdomen, continuing to delicately stroke your skin before kissing your inner thigh. it was clear that he was purposely avoiding the place that ached for attention the most; feeling his rough horns occasionally brush up against your skin made you gasp and start to shake from how impatient you were. 
“malleus…please…” 
he simply laughed at the subdued pleas that escaped your mouth and finally brought his hand down to your crotch, where he stroked and slid his fingers against your soaking folds, gently gathering your slick on his fingertips as he felt you shudder against him.
“what is it, love?” 
he didn’t let you respond, but rather his actions answered for you, gently kissing your throbbing sex before he slowly slid his forked tongue out and licked a stripe along your wet slit. you whimpered, already arching your back at the slightest sensation of his tongue against you as he started to slide and dip his fingers inside of you, stretching you out. malleus always loved to tease you. being more than capable of making you climax in a matter of seconds; he loved to stimulate you gradually at a pace so painfully slow it always made you cry from how vulnerable and sensitive you felt. 
 it was no different that evening.
minutes stretched into hours as he spent his precious time licking and lapping up every spot possible, slowly rubbing your clit in circles, when he soon smelled that familiar scent of your orgasm as your cries grew louder. you grabbed hold of his hair, trying so desperately to roll and move your hips, but your body simply trembled weakly. all of the raw stimulation he was giving you from both his tongue and fingers finally reached its peak as you felt yourself unravel. “mal…fuck- i’m-” a vicious tremor ran through your body with your toes curling as you felt yourself cum shamefully against his tongue; immediately clutching at his horns out of pure instinct as you mewled his name.
he always rode out your orgasms the best he could, letting them linger and wash through every nerve in your body while he laid his tongue flat, gently lapping every single drop that spilt out of you. “mmm…you treat me so well, sweetheart.” malleus chuckled and leaned closer to you as he lifted his head, keenly licking every trace of your desire off his fingers.
your chest heaved with your legs still trembling lightly from your high when you felt his face inching closer to your ear. acting instinctively, you shakily wrapped him with both of your arms and legs. you drew him closer to you, earning a slight gasp from malleus as he buried his face into your neck.
"hmm. what is it, my dear?"
you whined into his ear, shamelessly rutting your hips against his body as your patience had since worn thin whilst weakly scraping your nails down his back. “...you know what it is…” malleus’ relentless teasing showed no signs of letting up, making you practically spell out word for word every single thing you wanted him to do to you. as the night wore on, your restlessness had escalated to the point that all you could think about was wanting to feel him inside of you. your arousal soon returning and flowing out of you almost instantly as you quietly pouted against him. 
you were virtually oblivious to just how spoiled you were of his love; having malleus spoon-feed you kisses and affection would only, in time, make you become greedy and greedy you definitely were.
“heh. why not tell it to me then?” he tenderly rubbed his cheek against yours, feeling as if it was out of pity for your increasing gluttony with your hips continuing to pathetically rut against him. he pushed his hips forward, feeling one of his hard and throbbing cocks brush against your aching core as you sobbed into his shoulder when he eventually opted to be generous enough to give you what you desired. he slowly aligned himself with you, turning to give your cheek a sweet kiss before carefully sliding one of his cocks inside you. 
no matter how many times you shared these moments with him, the sensation always felt unlike anything you had experienced before, your eyes already rolling back simply at him just pushing himself inside of you. you shut your eyes tightly and squealed beneath his weight when he enveloped you with his arms, bringing your chests together as he began to rock his hips. you always made him feel so good, your mouth latching onto his neck in an attempt to muffle the drowsy and slurred moans that fled your lips. only minutes passed before that pleasure you would crave almost incessantly finally swept through you, the warmth and sensation of your bare bodies connecting, forcing you to drive your nails further into his back. “k-kiss-” unable to string coherent sentences together with how far your mind had gone, you tugged at his hair; behaving as if you were a spoilt kid anticipating your next treat. and those treats being something that malleus would always gift to you so lovingly, immediately raising his head up to plant a warm, gentle kiss upon your open lips whilst continuing to drive into you softly.
with each thrust, you sobbed pitifully into his mouth, writhing and squirming as the overwhelming pleasure in your stomach began to intensify. your skin felt as if it were on fire, igniting every fibre in your body with a warmth so pleasurable and satisfying that it depleted all of your energy, leaving you weak and unable to do anything other than tightening your grip on his body. malleus held such an intensity to him, being so powerful and capable of breaking anyone into two. still, it seemed he would always become contradictory with the way he behaved around you. as he cradled you in his arms, he treated you with delicacy, his lips scarcely brushing yours as he concentrated solely on pleasuring you. 
already, you could feel the rapid approach of your orgasm with your legs becoming so limp, malleus' hands had to slide down your body to prop them up for you. “mal- ‘m c-close...” you rolled your head back, finally allowing the full impact of your climax to surge through you, your mouth agape as you whimpered your boyfriend's name. the orgasms that malleus gave you were always so intense, blurring your vision for a brief moment as your entire body tensed and seized. yet, no matter how intense they felt, they were always followed by such satisfaction that you would feel as if you were dreaming. 
just like you, malleus followed through. he dropped his head to softly nuzzle your neck with a low groan as he felt himself finally explode, clinging and burrowing his claws into your thighs. as you embraced, you both panted against each other, your bodies drenched in sweat and slick with the ecstasy that had struck you so rapidly beginning to fade. you shifted your head to the side and peered through half-lidded eyes, where you saw malleus's hungry eyes widen as he examined your body attentively. his fingertips traced slender lines down your sides as his lips curled into a smile.
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