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#paraphrased from scrubs
Some long thoughts on Angel Dust, "Poison" controversy and "Loser baby"
It's kind of incredible how divided people are on Hazbin. Two creators I follow for various animated media reviews have such different takes it's a bit surreal, but their arguments on SA and Angel Dust are wildly different, even though technically coming from the same place.
First things first, disliking a character, a ship, a song in the show or Hazbin hotel as a whole is fine. Yet, some arguments are better structured than others. There's a lot of discussion and some bizarre misinterpretations.
People who have been victims themselves have quite the different opinions on both "Poison" and Angel dust, and it's fine, as long as the topic is handled seriously and with respect. A lot of people loudly praise it and point out that "Poison" doesn't shy away from showing reality (coping via disassociating), while graphic, the abuse is shown in a 100% negative light, not pulling any punches (regardless of who was one of the storyboard artists). Others say it's gratuitous and uncomfortable. Regardless, Valentino IS an absolute bastard, the abuse is horrifying and its impact is immediately clear.
We can't have any kind of representation if we're too scared to be uncomfortable. Not everything has to be scrubbed clean and palatable, it can be nuanced. Hazbin hotel discusses some very adult topics in an adult way.
It's not "a weird choice for "Poison" to be a catchy pop song" or a mock music video, knowing most of what we were first shown as Angel's persona. Listen to the lyrics, he's literally having a breakdown. It's sugary catchy pop because Angel is trying very hard to disassociate. Just look at how "Angel Dust" acts throughout the series and how "Anthony" does, in most scenes he's scared, panicking or crying.
Secondly, "Loser baby" is very important to both Angel and Husk - it's Husk being both in your face honest, talking about himself, and playful (and self-deprecating). All bark and no bite, a taunt to drop the act cause Husk sees through it, worries about Angel and can relate. Angel doesn't have to pretend like everything's fine and he's this untouchable famous pornstar. I love how Husk is reaching out to Angel and then waiting for a response to take his hand, it's really all in the subtle details.
They're "both losers", however, Angel is not a loser for being assaulted and abused (Husk isn't a loser for being an alcoholic or a gambler), it's about identity. How others identify him, the mask he puts on, and how he should accept who he is on HIS OWN terms. Just as importantly, know that HE'S NOT ALONE.
The song is not comparing "their traumas, SA to a gambling addiction" (obv paraphrasing, still, what...?). Angel and Husk are in the same boat because they sold their souls to people who have disturbing amounts of power over them. They both have to dance to their whims, albeit in different ways, and come to terms with who they are in spite of it. Does Husk's silly song break away their chains? No. Does it help Angel find courage to stand up to Valentino and create some well-needed boundaries? I'd say yes.
Thirdly, twitter is a disease and media literacy is dead. In more ways than one, keeping in mind the countless debunked "accusations" and people getting harassed over valid criticisms (f.e., the pace, progress shown on screen and not or just not liking the show). Things are easily misinterpreted in worst possible ways, the mob mentality around it. Where people take the line "[Alastor] fled with his tail between his legs" and interpret it as "Alastor has a tail CONFIRMED". Goodnight sweet prince, rest in peace.
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semperintrepida · 11 months
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spartanrenegade on AO3 asked an intriguing question regarding the events in chapter 13 of The Breaking. To paraphrase:
What if Kyra's arrow actually killed Deimos during her demonstration of loyalty? What would Kyra do then?
It's an AU of my AU! And after I got done cackling over the mental image of Deimos being brought to such an abrupt end, I started giving it some thought.
What follows is a rough narrative summary of how this story would go if Kyra killed Deimos right then and there. (Writing a narrative summary, aka narrative outline or plot treatment, lets you sketch out ideas without fully committing to them. It's also helpful when you're stuck in a narrative and need to explore ways to get un-stuck!)
~~
Deimos is dead. The reality of it takes a while to set in, shock giving way to a creeping sense of elation. "Some god you turned out to be." Deimos is dead, but Kyra doesn't want to stick around for the aftermath. Rejoicing can wait.
Kyra relieves dearly departed Deimos of her coin purse and belt-knife, gathers the bow and the quivers of arrows, and returns to Epiphron. Kyra knows little of this part of Attika, but she knows which way is Athens, and once her gear is secured to Epiphron's saddle, she rides away from the city, further into the hills.
She spends the next several days hidden high among the scrub oaks, hunting for food, a huntress in her element. Far below, she can see a major road, and she spends plenty of time watching squads of soldiers come and go. Deimos's disappearance has been noticed.
Kyra herself notices a number of travel-worn pilgrims journeying on the road. There's a sanctuary nearby, and that gives her a course of action. She continues following the road from above, and when she comes across an estate with a farm and olive grove, she trades Epiphron and her cloak for drachmae and a new himation. Time to play a new role.
Falling in with a group of well-dressed pilgrims, Kyra spins a tale of a runaway horse and being separated from her party. Thanks to her time in Athens, she makes a convincing highborn woman—even when the group of pilgrims encounters a troop of soldiers asking questions.
The sanctuary up ahead is Elusis: home of the great Mysteries. (Lots of opportunity for resonance here: the Elusinian cult is one of Persephone and Demeter.) Upon arriving, Kyra becomes an initiate, and is now safe as long as she remains on the sanctuary grounds. However, there's a complication: those with blood-guilt are forbidden from becoming initiates, and now Kyra finds herself having to live another lie, this time before the gods themselves.
The climax of this sequence is Kyra's participation in the Mystery's rituals, when she must face her guilt head-on. (For such a small body, she holds a lot of guilt, so, so much guilt.)
She leaves the sanctuary. She travels to the port city of Nisaia in Megaris, where she sells the adamantine necklace for a small fortune in drachmae. And with that fortune, she buys passage on a merchant ship headed for Mykonos, and home, and a chance to rebuild her life...
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dollsonmain · 11 months
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Insta vids I’ve seen that bother me, from a person that is emotionally and physically drained at the moment.
I see a lot of videos with comforting words that are like “You’re not a burden even if they said you are. You’re not difficult to love. You’re not the problem.” and while yes, I know that it’s meant for people who are abused and neglected, the truth of those statements is situational.
Easy example is that That Guy is a burden. His unchecked narcissistic traits are heavy on everyone around him physically and emotionally. He is difficult to love because he’s actively abusing me and our son. He treats everyone in his family like shit and they’ve all turned away from him as a result. He is the problem in the majority of his strained relationships.
If he were the one reading those messages of affirmation, it would be bolstering the ego of The Problem and assuring him that he has no reason to look at himself and his own behavior and consider how said behavior affects the people around him and his relationships with those people.
Because of that, I always kind of side-eye blanket affirmations. The situational truth of them undermines their sincerity. I also can’t blindly take comfort from those kinds of posts because I have to ask myself “Is this accurate when speaking about me or are they just saying nice things to the wind?”.
People that are all about “say your daily affirmations!” bother me because saying out loud “I am not the cause of my own misery” every morning doesn’t do any good if you are in fact the cause of your own and others’ misery.
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While mowing I was thinking about some other videos I’d seen. A few of them have come around where it’s a group of men all sitting around talking about women (why am I getting these? Is someone in my following list liking these things?).
One common theme I’m seeing is, paraphrasing “If you want your woman to be Feminine, you have to create an environment in which she can safely do so.”
On the one hand, I’m pretty sure what they mean by Feminine is pretty (hair nails makeup etc.), quiet, obedient, and financially dependent because they go on to talk about men earning money and how men not stepping up and providing for women is resulting in masculine (i.e. employed and not constantly made-up) women.
That’s gross thinking. I personally don’t believe in the gendered rolls society has set forth for people and I’m sure that affects my opinions regarding these videos.
On the other hand, it is true that I’ve had to take on many of the “traditionally masculine” rolls in my home because That Guy refuses to. Repairs/handyman duties, mowing, etc., and because I am constantly doing that sort of thing I don’t have the time to be “pretty”, not that I want to. I don’t have the time to do my hair if it’s just going to get fucked up by breakfast time because I have to get it out of the way to do some work or another. There’s no point in doing my face if I’m going to be sweating doing manual labor, though I hate the way makeup feels so that doesn’t really matter either. Why bother doing my nails if the polish is going to fall off by the end of the day because my hands are constantly in water or chemicals of some sort while cleaning (no I can’t do gloves, sensory nightmare and somehow they always get filled with water/chemicals anyway)? I’m not going to wear pretty, feminine clothing with perfect hair and makeup while scrubbing the floor.
I’m going to dress myself for utility because I am constantly working.
I have to take up the chores and things That Guy refuses to do on top of my own and he also refuses to pay for things like for me to get my hair professionally cut, or my nails done, or replace my wardrobe to keep up with trends, not have holes in my clothes, buy clothes that fit when my body changes shape, spend hundreds on makeup, and being in a financial abuse situation I don’t have access to a job to have my own money to do that sort of constant, expensive, “feminine” upkeep.
I also have chronic pain and fatigue and all of that clownery takes energy that I don’t have. I have to conserve it for all the chores. Priorities.
So in a way, yeah. The environment I’m in does prevent me from performing femininity.
At the same time I don’t like or care about any of that anyway. I would like to have nice fingernails that don’t constantly break, but that’s about it. That’s more of a utility thing.
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twdmusicboxmystery · 11 months
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My Re-Watch of Ghosts, Part 4
@wdway:
I can't wait to read your next Carol/Beth timeline segment, @galadrieljones! It fit well with @twdmusicboxmystery's thoughts from Ghosts. The photos below I believe was to emphasize the white cross on the black crate (that also has diamond shapes) and the black car white cross car that carried away Beth from the funeral home.
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I don't know if you realize though that there is another tie with Carol's car and Beth, on top of the crate is a IV bag. Which would connect to Beth's IV bag and foreshadows Carol at Grady being watched over and protected by Beth. I can envision the scene and hear Beth telling Carol, "I just want you to know I was here," (paraphrasing.) Loving all of this!
@galadrieljoness:
Oh I forgot about that line. I feel like the fact that Beth speaks to Carol solidifies that Carol was embedded in her timeline, even if only for a little while!! I’m actually super relieved my thoughts are coherent lol. I was so tired when I typed this and I feel like I reordered it and reread it like three times before hitting send so like my brain had gone to bits and I was like “Welp here goes nothing!!”
@wdway:
I've been thinking about how Carol somewhat has no time nor physical boundary. I just wanted to point out that that Maggie, Glenn and Company came in the front. Rick and Company came in the back and reunited in the A train car, but even though we saw Carol shooting rockets into Terminus, we never actually saw her enter nor did we see her leave. It is as if she didn't physically come or go. She was simply there, suspended in space and in time. See, I have been reading and thinking about what you are saying about Carol and time.
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@galadrieljones:
That’s super good! It’s true. She just sort of materializes inside and then suddenly she’s in the woods taking off her camouflage. That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about!!
I mean honestly Carol really is sort of like a ghost. Her entire strategy for survival is basically to remain as invisible as possible. It makes a lot of sense based on her past abuse. Daryl exhibits similar tendencies but while Daryl will literally just disappear or simply stay quiet, Carol is more of a chameleon. She can be anyone, fit in anywhere. The ruthless killer, the happy homemaker. She infiltrates the CW via her connections with Lance. She infiltrates the Wolves, infiltrates the Whisperers by manipulating Negan. She infiltrates Terminus. If and when Melissa returns she would be the perfect character to infiltrate the CRM.
@wdway:
I think I have mentioned this before but I'll tell you about it again it concerns codas. There are two others I think we could call them official TWD coda's although they're not in season episodes.
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The first coda I believe that we ever saw in the series was in the official trailer for s5 that aired at Comic-Con that summer. The trailer ended and then we had a coda of Beth being slapped by Dawn. Of course we didn't know who the officer was at the time or anything other than that Beth was in hospital scrubs and a policewoman slapped her.
The other coda came the following summer during Comic-Con in the official trailer for s6. Again it was after the trailer ran and then credits came up or the TWD logo if I remember correctly then it went into the coda of Daryl being tied up by Dwight. We found out later when it aired that it was from e6 Always Accountable. I don't know if this would mean anything to you but I just thought I would tell you or remind you of these two other coda's. Now I'm going above and read what you just sent.
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@galadrieljones:
Ever since the TTD guy (I think?) referred to the WB coda as a “coda” I feel like this is all really important.
I want to come back and talk some more about Ghosts. I also think I might rewatch The Same Boat now. I honestly think I’ve only seen that episode once lol. I don’t remember liking it that much. But now, with a better lens through which to view the episode, I have a feeling that might change.
The whole theme with Ghosts is “seeing,” or “not seeing.” We just got done talking a lot about how Carol has seen something others have not. She’s the only person who was inside Grady with Beth, who was in Beth’s story and may have witnessed what happened, and how this is connected to what’s going on in Ghosts. Everyone in Ghosts is “not seeing” something, aka they’re in denial, except for Carol.
As I said earlier, Carol is “unstuck.” I think because of this she lacks the blinders that many other characters seem to have, in terms of the truth. In Ghosts, everybody has the thing they want to believe, and the thing they can’t see. The main thing is the question as to whether or not Alpha sent the walkers. Mary says it isn’t Alpha and so does Lydia, but this can’t be true, because then who could it be? The actual truth is too much to handle. It’s too big and the possibilities are ferocious. This is just a precursor to a lot of other ways the characters are in denial.
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Michonne and Daryl are repeatedly appeasing Alpha to prevent further bloodshed, and to prevent another war, but the thing is, they need a war. Their inaction or indifference, while simultaneously having overstepped their bounds with Alpha and her “rules” causes them to lose more land, only pushing things further to the brink. The Highway Men are right, in that Alexandria needs to fight. But Michonne and Daryl are like a snake with its head cut off. They aren’t the leaders the community needs. They are still mourning Rick.
Aaron, meanwhile, is in denial about what happened with Eric. Eric fought willingly in the war with the Saviors and died per his own choices to do so. Aaron blames Negan, so Negan projects on Aaron in an uncomfortable way, which is to say, he didn’t protect his wife, and she died. Negan, too, is still in denial about his role in what happened to Lucille, something he doesn’t let go of until Here’s Negan.
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But Negan doesn’t really see clearly either, not until he has to face Maggie in 11A, when he reminds her that it was Rick who started that war, and he doesn’t regret his actions. He regrets that Glenn had to pay the price, but he commits that no matter what, somebody had to. That it was Glenn, that’s just fate, and for this, he is sorry, but he wouldn’t go back and change a thing, and he’s not going to grovel.
But Carol. In Ghosts, Carol is having bad dreams but she is able to see the whisperers because her subconscious, cracked open by drugs and lack of sleep and a lack of inhibition or greater purpose, leads her straight to them. Carol sees Alpha for what she is. She knows that Alpha needs to die, and she is sick of the dance they’re doing to appease her. Carol is RIGHT about this but her approach is all wrong, bringing that gun to the meeting, because, just like always, she’s brash and selfish.
Even in Find Me, I want to point out that Carol is right to question Daryl’s sanity, his emotional stability, and what went on with Leah. It’s just, she already fucked that up with what happened to Connie, so nothing she says or does will ever reach him. She was also right btw to try and pursue Alpha in season 10 after what she did the Alexandrias, but again, she did it all wrong. Because rather than find a way to lead, Carol tries to do everything on her own, and it just doesn’t work that way. Carol’s intentions are often right. Her instincts are often spot on. It’s just her approach that causes so many problems.
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In Indifference, she grovels to Rick. She says she had to do something, because Rick wouldn’t. She earlier says, “You can be a farmer, Rick. You can’t just be a farmer.” I think in the episode, we are drawn to think of Carol as the indifferent one, because she seems only to be out for herself and what she thinks is right, and this might be true, like what Daryl accuses her of during their fight in Find Me; however, I think Rick is also truly indifferent. He drives Carol away because he can’t commit to dealing with Tyreese, dealing with what to do when somebody does what she did. He can’t make this choice so he just…removes it.
When she says she had to do something, Rick says, “No, you didn’t.” And he’s technically right. But where he’s wrong is that SOMEBODY had to do something. Maybe not THAT, but something. But Carol is selfish, always focused on her own point of view and her own objectives. She’s not a leader. She’s a mother, protecting her young above all others, only her young are all dead, so she has nobody on whom to project this ruthless, selfish mechanism.
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This is what causes people to disbelieve her, including Daryl. They assume she’s only out for herself. Carol is not beholden to anyone or any one set of ideals, just as she’s not beholden to any one timeline. She is, however, highly intelligent, and this is something that we see play out in season 11 a little bit, when Carol is sort of past her internal conflicts and her selfishness, and when she’s no longer putting pressure on herself to avenge those she’s lost, but instead, she makes it her entire life goal to help and protect others, like Kelly, like Ezekiel.
In Hunted, for example, she gets flack from Magna for fuelling Kelly’s hope that they will find Connie, and Carol struggles because she’s not sure: Is she actually doing this for Kelly, or is she only trying to make herself feel better? In the end, after everything that happens with the horses, Carol decides that she’s doing it for Kelly after all, and so she defies Magna. Once again, she’s right. They do find Connie. And because her approach is unselfish, everything is okay.
In his dream story, Daryl says something like, even tho his dad was a drug addict, it doesn’t mean he was wrong. This is right. It’s like Carol talking to herself. Just because I’m a selfish co-dependent ruiner doesn’t mean I’m wrong.
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Some other notes, related. In his dream story, Daryl’s dad sees a girl being hit by a truck, who disappears. Odd that this is what Carol’s mind would invent, as, back to Grady, she was hit by a car and disappeared. “There was no girl,” Daryl says. Is this some sort of allegory? Is this some sort of story Carol is telling herself about what happened? Intriguing.
Carol is seeing things. They’re real, but not in the way it seems. She’s being lead around by her subconscious. In Fear, we see this happening with Grace in “In Dreams,” very obviously, and also with Siddiq in Open Your Eyes. The subconscious is a storyteller and a truth bomb.
Per Siddiq, he’s REALLY not seeing. He’s traumatized. Siddiq is having flashbacks, when he is with Dante. It’s like Dante’s voice is triggering him, but he doesn’t know it yet. He isn’t seeing. He’s only hearing.
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Per the other storylines: It’s important that Negan is the one who sees, while Aaron is blinded. Negan’s act of tough love helps Aaron see again, literally and figuratively, but it also forces Negan to make a choice. Is he loyal to these people? Yes, he is. Or else he would have run. He wouldn’t have helped Aaron. He might have just killed him or let him die. It’s the same with Rosita. She helps Eugene to see. It’s hard but it sets him free, gives him his “crushing moment of clarity.”
Seeing is akin to waking up. Opening your eyes. Eugene talks about how when one is sleep deprived this “enhances impulsivity” as if one is drunk. “Drunk minds speak sober hearts.” Dante brings Siddiq the moonshine. Dante was also a field medic, same as Bob.
In the end, Daryl is smoking a clove cigarette and for a second I thought it was a cinnamon stick.
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Idk why they have him smoke that clove cigarette with the brown paper. I don’t know that they’ve had him do that before. He doesn’t smoke a lot in those seasons tbqh.
I think it’s obviously meant to call us back to Alone, and to what Carol saw that he didn’t see. But ofc I am biased.
The ending dream with Henry is weird, because it seems unsettled. It seems like he’s still waiting for her. The compass calls us back to the day she was unstuck.
Carol’s cast. Why did she get a big old cut like that in her arm? This episode is full of broken glass. “Did you have to break the glass?”
The callbacks to Indifference intrigued me, too, because in Indifference, the B story has Daryl and Michonne’s group traveling to the school to find drugs and supplies. In Ghosts, they also go to a school, and the bleeding eyes is consistent with the theme of “not seeing.”
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Like at some point, Daryl says something to Michonne about what they need to do about the walkers and she snaps back, “I have eyes.” Aaron goes blind. I’m wondering now if the bleeding eye disease is just a symbol meant to communcate to us that there is something majorly unseen at work.
There’s also something weird, too, about Judith sitting by the window. She just sits there, the whole episode, and RJ is fast asleep. He sleeps through the whole ordeal, like the little Red King. Had me wondering if he wasn’t just dreaming the whole thing. Made me think of how Michonne isn’t seeing them, or like they don’t exist when she’s not there.
She says something like, “It’s not smart to go to sleep unless it’s safe.” This recalls Carol, who is obviously feeling unsafe. Henry told Daryl that story about the reason she used to cut her hair, because Ed used to grab her by the hair, and the fact she let her hair grow out showed that she finally felt safe enough to do so.
Continued tomorrow...
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Okay thoughts after that promo:
-i do not think that is actually Luz's palisman. It just looks wrong (and high-key spooky, we all know animation rules that green/purple/black colour combos = villainous) and I don't think they'd give it away that easy. I'm 90% certain that this is something Belos, the collector, or some other antagonist has sent/planted to trick her (it's notable she's alone in all the frames with it. Perhaps the group got spilt up to leave Luz vulnerable?)
- the boiling isles looks mostly normal but startlingly empty, which gives me the notion that whatever the collectors "owl house" ends up being, that's where all the boiling isles citizens are, participating in the game (likely unwillingly)
- also, this may not be right, but when hunter says "something's coming" and Gus and willow respond with "is it demons? Witches?" (All dialogue paraphrased), that tells me that they're setting up for a rule of 3 joke where whatevers coming is none of those things...meaning it's probably not the CATTs </3 or yknow, it could more of a "is it demons? Witches?" (Eda falls out of a bush) "...IT'S THE OWL LADY!!". Or something among those lines
- STILL NO BOILING ISLES CHARACTERS MAN!! Probably saving those for the owl house specific promos instead of the generalized channel ones? If we get FTF promos at all...(Disney I know you hate this show but blease...my crops are withering in this winter)
-other frames were too small or quick for me to pick up on what was happening so I'm just gonna let other people scrub through the promos frame by frame and analyse them
Anyway. Absolute crumbs from Disney but yknow what. I'm eating aren't I?
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goongiveusnothing · 8 months
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yup harries/jack nicholson jr. totally lied about mitch’s experience. see below.
apple doc, mtv, capital fm, mirror, etc. literally had quotes of clown from clown’s mouth saying mitch was never in a studio before. he also said of mitch (paraphrase) that he was happy to record an album with someone who was also doing it the first time- that person doing it for time is mitch just in case zot3 missed that part.
there used to be a lot of pictures and info on mitch and his old band, including them being in a recording studio, but strangely most of it has been scrubbed from the internet.
however, here’s a link to mitch and total navajo’s album. scroll all the way down for and it literally says it was recorded at a recording studio.
https://totalnavajo.bandcamp.com/album/eyelids-ep
“Recorded at:  The Farm, Grove City PA  Firehouse Recording Studios, Pasadena CA  TNHQ, Los Angeles CA  
credits
released October 7, 2014”
.
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thekittyburger · 2 years
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Drew my ocs if they were in the lotr universe
Pre Bo5A- Basically Sage(wyn) (left) got locked out of the Woodland Realm like a fucking idiot and travelled to lake-town, to pass the time while she waited for quarantine to be over, completely oblivious of the barrels out of bond thing. Anyway she doesnt have permission to enter but no one notices till too late, and shes arrested and brought on trial after the dwarves ascend the mountain. Alfrid is tired of all the newcomers so charges her guilty with the masters approval, but she says that shell just leave its fine no gaol stay for me besties, and immediately gets tripped up and knocked out by the guards when she tries to run. nice one. she then meets Rosemary (right) the caretaker in the gaol and theres mutual onlivious pining while Sagewyn tries to flirt. Later they hear rumbling from the mountain and Sagewyn is dragged out to the middle of nowhere on the banks to be tortured for information. naturally shes stupid so doesnt know anything but they beat her up anyway. She is escorted back to the gaol but luckily Rosemary breaks in and takes her to an old shack on the opposite side of the lake from Dale.
[Photo transcript]
Sage: if i idve known a beautiful woman was going to rescue me i wouldve scrubbed up more, nin melith (my love (in sindarin))
Rosemary: shhhh
[end of photo transcript]
Sages quote is paraphrased from a short story in a book called All Out.
@ramblingstaylorsversion
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neon-rope · 1 year
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Throwback to that loser coworker hitting on me at my old job and me telling him that his being a trump supporter makes us incompatible politically and morally and his dumb ass thinking my rejection was an opening for him to argue his way into my pants which in actuality made me more disgusted at him because he was further cementing my view of him as a boundary pushing disrespectful scrub who doesn’t value the comfort and safety of women and isn’t ignoring the social cues from ineptitude but from willful ignorance
and this being totally on brand for him-he’s under the assumption that a rejection is actually an appropriate debate topic and that he’s in anyway smart enough to be the one to find the right combination of words that will turn my no into a yes and I’m just a silly women and I don’t know I want him yet and he’s gonna convince me but actually he’s making himself look worse and not only digging himself into a hole but a cemetery plot
So to paraphrase, this fool essentially says something along the lines of “if my voting record is the road block between me and getting some pussy then I’ll just vote how you tell me to” and now I’m even more repulsed and trying not to throw up in my mouth
The only thing more lowly and despicable than a republican is someone who not only upholds ethics polar opposite to mine but supporting said values that are directly causing oppression despite them being of so little importance to him he’ll sacrifice them for something so shallow as getting laid and I’m like how are you not understanding that that’s worse- at least if you had the balls to be unwaveringly honest about supporting bigotry I could respect your integrity as a conservative but you’re telling me you have no moral back bone and you’re willing to either lie to me and say you’ll vote how I think you should or you’ll actually change your vote to get your dick wet and either way that makes you equally repulsive
I think I told him I don’t date cis het men you gotta be queer to ride this ride lmfao and he claimed to be bi like boy if you don’t get the fuck outta my face 😂😂 so for that matter if you’re a republican and in an intersection of some marginalization and not so extremely wealthy that your money saves you from being discriminated to the degree that poor people sharing the same identities are then that makes you your own special brand of self hatred and being dumb as fuck
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janerowdy · 2 years
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I’m not an atheist. I was. I still am? It’s hard to be sure sometimes. Usually I just say agnostic to avoid argument / debate / etc. I’m an eclectic wiccan. Except when I’m not; when months drift by and dust gathers. I’m a non-practicing atheist.
I find myself watching a lot of atheist youtube. We disagree on some things, and I’m sure they’d have something mocking to say, if they knew me. But we also have some things in common. Foremost, I don’t worship shit. And it doesn’t matter where you put the emphasis there; it works for all definitions. The subject today though, is those fucking christians.
More than anything, this is just a simple rant. The presumed default state of the world being about the bible is today’s infuriating topic. Nobody is allowed to be themselves, to do their own thing. You’re either with them or with the devil. I know this isn’t all of them, yada yada yada, so on and so forth.
Every speaker I’ve heard, from atheists to pagans to buddhists are chill. They’re like “hey if that works for you, that’s great.” There’s usually some introspection and recognition that everyone else is seeking out their own truth in their own way. Then come the bible people who tell you why you do what you do. You’re a demon or influenced by the devil or you hate god or whatever.
I want to yell at my screen “no, I’m just doing my own thing.” To paraphrase Scrubs, I don’t hate god, I nothing god. The only reason I know about that religion is because it’s so insidiously pervasive. The only reason I care about it is because there’s a lot of them trying to make laws for the rest of us.
It’s the presumed default state that really gets me. A preacher won’t say something like “atheists are people who don’t believe, they do their own thing.” No, to them, nonbelievers are angry, spiteful. They’re the enemy. What a sad way to live. Full of hate, fear.
I don’t have enemies. I don’t hate anyone. I just have people who hate me. Instead of trying to know or understand me, or just fucking letting me be, they create a costume, call it my uniform, and insist I’m wearing it. Whether it’s my sprituality, gender/sexuality, political view, or whatever else; I’m not allowed to own it. I’m not allowed to own my actions, my thoughts, my self.
Nobody’s allowed to walk their own path, they’re on one side or the other. So I guess all of that’s the preamble for my fears of the future. Not about fascist, theocratic laws and how dark that can get (not today at least). It’s about my own family. It’s only a matter of time before they learn I find my own way. That board games and science fiction aren’t the only things on my shelves. I can’t remember how many times I’ve been told that god is to be the center of life, more important than anything else.
I wonder how that conversation goes. What will the response be when I say that literally the only spiritual experiences I’ve ever had have been pagan. What will they say, when I tell them I’ve found more meaning in my altar and book of shadows than all those sundays over all those years in all those churches. I don’t know, and for now at least, I’m fine not finding out.
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evafaithharding · 8 months
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Rebound euphoria
Life is so strange at the moment. It used to be average to miserable, with dips into really shitty, but now it's veering from utterly terrible to amazingly wonderful on a seemingly daily basis. It's tricky to adapt to such an unbalanced existence, but I’ve literally never had such highs so I’ve got to go with it and pray the lows even out. I’m crazily resilient in the face of shitty stuff anyway, so feeling miserable usually only lasts until the next sleep.
Revisiting yesterday’s dark post
While the post yesterday about SA and lesser things was a bit grim, it did leave a few things running around in my mind that I kind of want to address. The main one being the concept of generational trauma, where parents pass on the results of their own abuse to their kids. It’s a horrible pattern and I feel so much for everyone involved. Now I’m not going to be having kids of my own, but who knows if someone comes into my life who already has kids, or wants to adopt or whatever. So being a thoughtful person who’s experienced a lot of abuse and has been talking about it of late, I’ve been in a rather introspective mood, because the last thing I’d want to do was pass on any of the shit that’s happened in my life to any innocent. And thankfully, I can’t identify the slightest tendency in me. Quite the opposite, in fact. I seem to have come out of it all a far gentler, more balanced, and sweeter person than I potentially would have otherwise, which is both heartening and amazing.
I remember a Reddit comment from a few months back that hit me like a truck, as I identified with it so damned much. Someone said (paraphrasing from memory):
“You become the person who could have saved you as a child.”
Damn, that made me cry at the time. So after a thorough self-examination I’m pleased to confirm that if I ever find myself in a parenting-style role there will be no baggage from abuse in my previous life. Zero. No generational trauma, no anger, nothing. Just Eva putting her heart and soul into being the most supportive, understanding and outstanding person I can possibly be for everyone around me. I mean, honestly speaking that’s me anyway, even if a lot of the people around me don’t want to associate with a transwoman. 🙄 Their loss, I guess.
Euphoria out of nowhere
So, feeling down after yesterday’s SA post I was going to take my stress out on a really brutal passage in my new book - but something stopped me. It was Saturday, the sun was shining and I suddenly decided to have a day out, so I headed off to a major mall to see if they had anything in my size. Boymode(ish), but makeup on and masked up. It’s funny, if you’d told me two years back I’d be a trans shopping blogger on Tumblr I’d probably have believed you, but it’s still a weird concept to get my head around 😋
This is where it gets strange. Yesterday I said the words “Need more outfits, though.” I’m very short of suitable clothing, and I’ve been burned a couple of times on Amazon with stuff that looked okay in pictures but turned out to be utter junk. I don’t want to wear a skirt that feels like it’s made from flimsy tent material, thanks. So I have like one main outfit with a couple of variations on it. Anyway, in walked Eva and asked where the large-size womens’ stuff was (still 2L and 3L Japanese sizes - mainly for height reasons. And shoulder reasons 😐 although I’m slimming them down. And back length. Oh, you get the idea 🙄) and got directed to a specialist shop at the back of the store. So off I go, and as I get closer I could see these racks with a lot of their summer lines discounted. Now I’m a total scrub who isn’t that fussed about seasonal clothing (that will obviously be seen as a mistake later…) but it’s the start of August. It’s still hot until October! I’m looking at the clothes, and I’m seeing pretty much everything I’ve been hesitating about buying on Amazon due to pricing and worries about the sizes, and here it all is in front of me for literally 80% or more off. Awesome skirts and dresses for 1000 yen. What?! Now fair enough the yen’s on its ass so converted to dollars that’s only like $7 - but even years back it would only have been $12. No kidding, it was like being instantly transported to paradise. I gathered up armfuls of the damned things, making happy trans noises as you do, then stopped. What about the sizes? I’d checked, and what was marked seemed like it would fit. Hmm, there are changing rooms over there. But it’s a ladies clothing store and I’m in boymode…
Did I mention I’ve been getting large doses of IDGAF from somewhere? I went over to a member of staff with a huge bundle of women’s clothes and said, “Do you mind if I try these on?” It was so sweet. Her eyes literally popped wider for a split second at this vision of feminine loveliness in front of her, and then she replied, “Of course, go ahead.” I love you, random shop lady. 💘 So off I went into new changing room territory, and everything fit. Oh my God, I’ve never been so close to orgasm shopping.
I left that shop with twelve items of clothing (including two especially awesome things I’ll be able to fit into in about a month) for about 20,000 yen - call it $140, but it feels like about $190? Even so. I’ve never, ever had a win like that. I’ve gone from one outfit to six or seven, and able to mix and match as well. Pure delight. Was it really because I said the magic words yesterday and something delivered it to help? I’ve no idea, but it makes you think. Best day of shopping ever. Need more money, though.
So after that I dumped my huge bags in the car and headed back into the mall to check out a few other things. I found an oddball makeup shop and asked them if they had any bronzer. The girl was so positive they had some, and she got me excited too as she lead me away to show me all these different types. Nope, all Japanese-style insipid coffee shading powder. 😑 BUT! They had a large selection of perfume with proper samples, and I found the one for me. So in the spirit of letting people rag on Eva’s terrible taste in this kind of thing it’s Lanvin Éclat d'Arpège, and I fully intend to waft around in it in public at unexpected times, without regard to what I’m wearing, performing subtle acts of gender anarchy 😋
I went from consternation and worry yesterday, to straightforward euphoric moments today, and I have to be happy with that. Even if it just averages out it’s still better than anything I’ve had in my life. Today I was winning, and tomorrow I’m winning too. Watch this space.
Crying
One final small thing to end my latest War and Peace. Crying. I saw a post on Reddit with someone complaining about a guy crying at his wedding and calling him gay. That really got my back up.
Crying is a perfectly natural expression of your emotional state whether you’re a guy, girl, trans, otherkin, or whatever. If you don’t want to cry or don’t feel the need, fine, you don’t have to. But if you want to or need to and other people are telling you it makes you look weak, or unmanly, or pathetic, or any of the other disgusting things they can level at you, those people need to shut the fuck up.
Crying is not a human right, it’s a human necessity. It helps us cope with and process grief, express joy, show relief, you name it. Crying is intimately connected with how we deal with our emotions, and if that outlet is suppressed by outside forces it can be damaging as all hell.
I cry quite a bit. You’ve probably heard me mention it. I can’t help it, and I wouldn’t want to. I’ve had a lot to cry about. And I’ve had that bullshit above pulled on me far too many times, especially when I was male-presenting, and it’s unhealthy. If you cry too much or too little it can indicate issues you need help with. How would you know if the people around you don’t let you express it? It’s natural and needed. Feel no shame about your emotional outlets.
So fuck those people, and let it out.
Love you all, and may the scars of all your trauma be erased. We deserve so much more love and support in our lives. 🧡
Eva ❤
P.S. I’m happy to confirm I had a little sob in the car as I was so happy with my purchases. 😢👗😁
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wallacetheentertainer · 10 months
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"Let's do a friendly, SFW RP blog for a change!" I said, then immediately created a spin-off of my grossest fanon character interpretation ever.
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This'll just be a low-interaction in-character blog to figure out the life & exploits of Mundane Human AU Wallace as a "fandomless OC" for my own amusement. I cannot imagine anyone wanting to roleplay with such an offputting little bastard so for the moment considering this a semi-private blog, but future threads aren't off the table entirely depending on how attached I get to this loser shithead.
🎃 @coffinbreath
🎭🎭🎭
Wallace James Punch
Alternate stage moniker: Wally DeLarge
Birthday: 5/22/1993
Voice: if Genesis P-Orridge constantly smoked cigarillos, with a little Sid Vicious
5'/145 lbs/stereotypical angry redhead/fishbelly pale/cold dead blue eyes/terrifying smile/trash fashion sense/trashier tattoos
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Basics
A shock-comedy "performance artist" born in Cheshire, England, Wallace Punch's Variety Act has been described by the few critics brave enough to stomach its entirety as "a one-man pantomime of The Aristocrats"---to paraphrase the sex-shop owner in Se7en, "the sort of guy who pisses in a cup on stage and then drinks it". Lots of prop-based humor and dead baby jokes, once landed himself in the hospital with salmonella after biting the head off a plucked dead chicken, another time was banned from the premises for bleeding all over the place when he pierced his nipples with safety pins. He has a small but dedicated fanbase of edgy groupies and is notorious for being mediocre in the sack whenever he does bed them; while not an outright rapist his incel energy is OFF THE CHARTS and if he starts joking about roofies that unfortunately means he likes you. Surprisingly not a drinker given his hair-trigger temper, Wallace prefers club drugs and is very casual about being hooked on amphetamines, definitely not above buying adderall from teenagers despite his age---very "Hello fellow youths" at whatever party he's crashing.
Though as crass and lecherous as his puppet blueprint, Wallace Punch is a complete 180 in other aspects---melancholic as opposed to violent, masking his insecurities with deranged jokes and a pathological need to have all eyes on him, secretly terrified of most animals because for some reason they tend to attack him, masochistic to a point that he's almost too kinky to torture and charismatic in a skanky way that keeps him surrounded by similarly-othered people, topped off with the type of personality disorder that no matter the size of the crowd egging him on, he tends to feel like the loneliest man in the world. Puts the "bi" in "bipolar"---eh, probably, there may not be a straightforward diagnosis for what's wrong with him, and he had a normal-enough childhood that there's no Freudian excuse for his antisocial behavior. Perhaps Wallace is just what happens when a mildly emotionally neglected 10 year old with unsupervised internet access starts stealing his mom's cigarettes and finds that negative attention is better than none.
Backstory, Etc.
The first major turning point in his life was being arrested at age 20 for assault with a weapon, and Wallace was lucky to only spend a year in prison for breaking his flatmate's jaw with a metal juggling torch as soon as he walked in the door---the judge was very lenient, taking into consideration that Wallace's motive was finding "fucked up photos of kids" while snooping through the guy's room for weed; however the case brought so much negative publicity to the Punch name & family restaurant that his father Harold disowned him, with the final comment "you always ran with a bad crowd, why don't you stick with them". This insult on top of the injury of a very rough stay in Wormwood Scrubs broke something in Wallace (it's the one aspect of his criminal history he won't brag about) and led him to start ramping up the show's indecency while using his real name as if to send the message that he wouldn't be so easily forgotten; beyond that he's a registered sex offender due to the number of times he's stripped on stage or taken a leak in public, had to crowdfund bail from fans when he was arrested for soliciting a prostitute while touring the United States, been fined for possession and public intoxication multiple times, regularly steals and engages in prostitution himself despite being quite comfortable from his eccentric aunt's inheritance "because it's fun", and had his license revoked for reckless driving because he's near-sighted yet refuses to wear glasses.
Despite these charges and the general misogynistic bent of his humor, there are quite enough women willing to ignore his many red flags out of sheer curiosity from the rumors (and video clips) that circulate. He's more popular with men, seeming to take pride in making other guys question their sexuality and having lost track of how many times he's heard "you look like a girl from the back"---with his short stature, alto voice, fat ass and flamboyant wardrobe the question as to his sex occasionally comes up, which he'll happily answer with a visual demonstration. Trans fans give him the t-slur pass because for all that he refuses to label himself, he does seem to have quite a fondness for skirts, stockings and tacky jewellery, and while he's definitely chaser-y about it his admiration for transsexuals' "commitment to the bit" in his words is genuine. Wallace isn't particularly bigoted towards one group more than others and will use whatever derogatory language comes to mind first, defaulting towards homophobia (because irony) and antisemitism (because I'm Jewish & comfortable "reclaiming" that, plus I think he'd say some funny shit about us controlling the entertainment industry) or just trash-talking a target's appearance ("Ya call that a moustache? It looks like you're eating a rat!") if sexual and racist epithets don't stick. He gets real enjoyment from audience members heckling him right back, seeming to consider a show a failure if there hasn't been at least one argument or disgusted walk-out.
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nihilisticvaginas · 1 year
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Art helps sometimes. It doesn't get you your money back, but it may* help you feel better.
(*your mileage may vary!)
This is a parking ticket I got at work while I was parked in my buildings parking lot. They charge $50 a month just for the privilege of showing up to a 4 hour maximum work day at $15/hr where I get to empty trash cans and scrub public toilets :) They gave me this ticket (which costs about 2 hours of my 4 hour work day) 13 minutes before I clocked out at 9am. I cut it up into middle fingers and wrote a (paraphrased) quote from my building supervisor that reads "You should collect cans and bottles to help pay for parking!" You read that right! My boss gleefully let me in on this "tip" that supposedly "other workers" on campus were doing regularly which is, and I cannot stress this enough, DUMPSTER DIVING FOR EMPTY SODA CANS TO PAY TO PARK AT THE PLACE THEY ARE EMPLOYED.
Anyways, how's your day going?
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This comic sort of paraphrases how I felt with respect to my best friend’s family, when we were kids. Same today, sort of. “Automotive surveillance” you might call it, because wholesaler, and also “the relative worth” indicator discussed above.
Commutes to nowhere in particular wasting people’s time (though they aren’t really working) and also gas, that variously is a tax write off or else company paid. Ashland is character revealing for corporations, so it never really bothered me until it evidenced the pretend caring of, “we try not to think about it, or you in particular beyond a convenient afterthought at most”. Should mention the secular organization(s) responsible for proselytizing on behalf of my friend at this point, too. Also their direct competition with the synagogues; 1980s Japan’s success prompted the East Main synagogue. China’s success in the 1990s prompted the Mountain Avenue Synagogue. Debt America owed through China’s awakening developed the “Community Center” across from the university, between France’s (because China respects France culturally), and also the “People’s Bank” which is where Chinese government types are supposed to park their money. Across from the “head”. Across the street and uphill from MoC, the Ms13 bastion (la eme, like emek, you know). Ashland takes this all in stride because it’s been going on since the 1800s. Groups from government associations trying to become majority stakeholder about town, and thus bashing horns in the process, making room for the next group from the next era.
This abutted by the drug cartels who control I-5 and have regional management operations longstanding here. They’ll respect America’s rules when they have America’s white privileges. And left to their own second oldest cultural complex devices, they’ll min-max what they control until everyone is literally the same. Americans could all end up wearing “Tom’s” shoes, latex gloves to spare soap and water, and also scrubs as a waste management strat. Latinos don’t mess around with that stuff, but that’s a ways down the road. 
Edit: I wonder to this day how “yeah but Isaac’s post has more names on it!” at the historical south-of-town cemetery came to be a thing way back in the 1850s. Way before the theater, way before the civil war.
What congress should do, is create a list of rights and privileges (and bylaws) ensured to every American, and then strikethrough the ones withheld from ugly people, to better understand Latino life. 
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While my brain feels on an even keel, my heart flutters and rattles and clunks, begging me to notice what I assume is anxiety. Stop! It say to the heart, I can't do anything about our planning permits, only Islington council has that power There are upsides, I guess, to a total lack of mind-body union. I can, for instance, read a Vanity Fair article from 1999 while my blood pressure rockets. I believe I could suffer cardiac arrest while still meditating. It's what allowed me, back in the spring, to draft notes to my mixing engineer about my own album while receiving oral sex. Compartmentalising is in equal parts sad and useful this way. To paraphrase Bukowski: "there's a home renovation crisis in my heart that wants to get out / but I'm too tough for it. I say / Do you want to jeopardise my painting practice? Do you want me to get an EKG?" B sent me the Vanity Fair article and I tell him that, as always, he has nailed it, that with content I like to dine prix fixe with him lunchtime. He makes me feel like I could delete the Safari app on my phone and just have him spoon-feed me cultural ephemera instead. The piece is about a mystery woman, fake name Miranda Grosvenor, who entranced famous men of the 80s with her witty phone calls. Requests for in person meetings were rebuffed for years. The central victim was a music industry power player who eventually got her face to face in a hotel room. She was, shock horror, in her thirties, and worse, OVERWEIGHT. "Catfish to the stars", B says As a palate cleanser I throw on Louis Theroux's newest documentary, about rehabilitating sex offenders in California. I of course realise, halfway in, that I'm attracted to one of the aggressors interviewed. I think his teeth and voice are supremely erotic, and scrub back several times to watch him show Louis the van now serving as his home. "This is my LA mansion", he says, his unwashed vest clinging to his pectoral muscles. The camera pans in on a NOT GUILTY tattoo on his bicep. "If she hadn't been fourteen I wouldn't be wearing an ankle monitor" J calls for the third day in a row and I can see how sheer persistence could make me come to rely on this as a part of my routine. If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, the way to my heart is through the clock on my laptop. It sucks that it takes the vague promise of either sex or business to make a phone call now. Gone are the days of "Miranda" luring, say, Billy Joel to the well of infatuation with only the sound of her own voice, for her own enjoyment, and him asking her to call again, for his own enjoyment
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neckocase · 3 years
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Tanjiro: “If Zenitsu was drowning at the beach and he told you not to save him, would you do nothing?”
Inosuke: “Depends, what if there’s women there? Maybe he wants one of them to save him.”
Tanjiro: “Say there’s no women.”
Inosuke: “There’s always women at the beach!”
Tanjiro: “Fine, then he’s in a pond.”
Zenitsu: “I would never swim in a pond! They’re infamous for serpents!”
Tanjiro: “Fine, then Inosuke is the one drowning!”
Inosuke: “Hey, I can swim just fine!”
Tanjiro: “Oh my god! I would rather become a demon than try to explain this to you two idiots!”
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eggbagelz · 2 years
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Theres nothing quite like the sheer terror of realizing the people who're in charge of giving you intensive medical care are your best friends from highschool
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