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itsss4t4n · 2 months

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Safe with You - Regulus Black x potter! reader

a/n: THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT. (6558 words)

warnings: mention of abuse, smoking, hurt/comfort, kissing, background wolfstar and (barely mentioned) rosekiller

You didnt remember a time where Regulus Black didnt hate you.

Being James Potters younger sibling, most of his friends were also yours, so when sirius started talking about how much he hates his family , including Regulus you didnt question it much, but you never really had anything against him personally.

But it didnt help that, from the beginning of yours and Regulus first year he was pretty much a dickhead. He made it a point to be better than everyone and to tell them so.

That started a rivalry between the both of you. Battleing for top of the class.

All of this only got worse when, in the middle of the winter holidays in your 5th year, Sirius appeared at your doorstep, bleeding and asking for help.

After that point Regulus made sure to show you how much he hated you even more.

You just assumed that he hated you because of your family. Blood-traitors.

In the beginning of your 6th year you had started to sneak away onto the astronomy tower a lot of nights.

It was nice up here. Quiet. You found solitude from the stressful schoolday and your Brother and his friends. You loved them, of course. But it was a lot of pressure. Most people just saw you as James sibling. And they expected you to be like him. It was honestly really exhausting.

Your parents didnt help a lot either. As much as they said they loved you equally, you always felt like James and now Sirius were more important to them. You were just the perfect little sibling. You were quiet and you had good grades so they didnt need to worry much about you. You felt neglected. But you also understood them. James didnt try as much in school, concentraiting more on pranks than homework and Sirius obviously had a lot to deal with because of his past.

So you snuck away when everyone was sleeping. In your pyjamas and a jacket you quiely left the common room and went to he astronomy tower.

When you arrived you didnt pay much attention to your surroundings and so you didnt notice the other person that was sitting against the outside wall of the tower. You had already pulled out the pack of cigarettes that you had nicked from Sirius a week prior and were beginning to light it when you stepped against the railing.

Taking a drag and pulling the cigarette away from your mouth you finally heard shuffling behind you. You quickly turn your head, scared that you're gonna find a prefect, or worse, Filch behind you. But instead you see a boy sitting a few meters away from you, his back to the wall of the tower, his dark hair covering his face.

"Sorry i didnt realize someone was here."

He finally looks up at you and you finally see his face.

"Black? The fuck are you doing here?" Your voice is a mix of confusion and annoyance at he fact that your solitide was disturbed by him of all people.

"I could ask you he same thing Potter." His voice was quiet and annoyed. Like he didnt want to deal with this right now. He sounded exhausted.

And at a second glance he looked it too. He had dark bags under his eyes and if you looked closely you could see a bruise at the side of his face. You didnt remember seeing it earlier during potions class but maybe he had covered it with magic.

You had the urge to comment on it but remembered all the things thatt sirius would tell you about his parents and you had a feeling it had something to do with that. And that was a topic that you were sure wouldnt end well.

So you settled on "You look like shit."

He didnt answer and only looked at you even more annoyed.

Shrugging, you simply looked away from him and lifted your cigarette back to your lips.

Regulus didnt move from his spot, so you assumed that he didnt care much that you were there.

You didnt feel like standing any longer, so you sat against the same wall regulus was sat against, now only a meter between the two of you. afer a few seconds you held out the pack of cigarettes to him .

"want one?"

He took one without a word and you handed him your lighter when he put it beween his lips.

After that the two of you sat in silence looking at the nightsky. After almost 30 minutes of sitting in silence, you slowly moved to stand up.

"Well... I better go to bed. goodnight Black."

You had only taken a step or two when Regulus spoke up for the first time since you got there.

"If you tell anyone i was here, you're dead potter."

You turn to him with a small smile.

"I wont. If i did i would have to tell them that i was here."

With that you left, leaving regulus confused on why you wouldnt want anyone knowing you were there. He left shortly after you did.

That night started a routine of you going up to the tower to find regulus either already there or arriving a few minutes later. You would sit in silence together, smoking a cigarette or two, before leaving again. Neither of you ever talked much.

During the day both of you acted like you always did. Like you werent sitting next to each other in almost friendly silence a few hours prior.

You never told your brother or any of your friends about it.

At some point you had started to talk to him instead of just sitting in silence. Not much. And certainly not anything of sustance. Mostly just complaining about professors and homework. But he never complained about it. He never said anything to be honest. He just sat and listened in silence. This continued almost every night unil the winter holidays.

You were standing on platform 9 3/4 with your family and Sirius, saying goodbye to your parents when you noticed Sirius glaring at something past your head. Turning around you see Regulus and his parents. Regulus looked even more exhausted than usual and even from the distance you could see him tensing up as his father put his hand on Regulus shoulder.

Something had happened over the holydays, you could tell.

James voice ripped you out of your thoughts. "Hey what are you two staring at?"

"Nothing."

You answer immediately, turning back around and hugging your parents one last time.

"Come on or we'll miss the train."

That night during dinner you kept catching yourself looking at Regulus. Each time you seemed to notice a new reason to worry.

First how tense he seemed, then his eyebags, worse than you've ever seen them, how he fully ignored all his friends, how he made sure that his hair was alwas covering his left cheekbone and temple, how he seemed to constantly have a hand holding his ribs.

At one point you cought his eyes, giving him the slightest smile, hoping no one else caught it.

You mouthed 'astronomy tower' hoping that he saw it, before turning back to your friends to answer the question that Marlene had just asked.

That night when you arrived at the tower Regulus was already there, sitting with his back against the wall and his head down, just like he first time you met him there.

But this time when you sat next to him and he looked up at you, you could see the tears in his eyes threatening to fall. Without a word you pulled him into a hug, his head laying against your shoulder, and just held him as his tears finally spilled.

He didnt make a sound, he just silently let his tears fall. And you held him through it.

It took him about 20 minutes before he pulled away from you. He didn dare look into your face, just sitting right next to you staring at the stars.

After a minute or so of you observing his face you finally asked softly.

"What happened?"

He didnt say anything for a few seconds. He didnt react at all. You thought maybe he didnt hear you but right as you opened you mouth to ask again, he finally answered.

"How much has Sirius told you about our family?" His voice was quiet and broken.

"A lot. He's told us pretty much anything they would do to him."

He took a deep breath before he talked again, still refusing to look at you.

"When he was still there, they never really did anything to me. But when he left..." He swallowed "they needed someone else to blame all their problems on. They started to find faults in me. I pretty much became Sirius replacement. When they were angry they let it out on me. The night he left was the worst. I had begged him too stay. But he didnt. He just left me there. And they let all their anger about the situation out on me."

His voice was shaky and quiet. He sounded unsure if he should be telling you this.

You honestly were surprised that he told you this. Even if you had been "hanging out" for almost half a year now. You didnt think he trusted you like this. And he proboaly didnt.

"Regulus.." His name left your mouth in a whisper. You had never called him by his first name before.

Hearing his name out of your mouth finally made him look at you.

You slowly grabbed his hand, squeezing it. "I'm so sorry.."

His gaze drifted from you face to your now joined hands. You expected him to pull his hand away but he just looked away at the stars again.

Neither of you said anything else.

That night was a turning point for both of you.

You stopped being hateful to each other in public. You werent friendly either. It was a silent truce. Your rivalry for top of the class was still there but it was less hateful.

Your nightly meetings slowly turned into talking about feelings. He told you about his friends, the few that were actually decent. Evan Rosier, Barty Crouch jr and Pandora Lestrange. Those were the three that actually semed pretty nice. According to Regulus they didnt really care that much about blood status, Regulus didnt either. He had learned a lot from Sirius perspective, he was just way more scared of their parents, so he hid his opinions.

You told him about your family problems, even though they were miniscule in comparison. About how you always felt like you stood in james shadow.

Over time you and Regulus had come to a point were you honestly considered each other friends.

You still didnt tell any of your friends or you brother about it. You knew they wouldnt take it well.

But all of them noticed a change in you. How you seemed happier.

"Are you dating someone?"

You nearly choked on your food, when Marlene asked that all of the sudden during dinner.

"What?!" All conversation between your friends had halted as they all looked at you expectantly. "No! Why would you think that?"

James looked stupidly relieved at that. He never liked the thought of you dating someone.

It was Sirius that answered your question.

"Oh, c'mon. Even a blind person can see that you act different." You just looked at him confused. so he clarified. "You are so much happier, you constantly smile at nothing, you zone out. You're either dating someone or you have a big fat crush on someone. So go on. Spill."

Your eyes widen in shock. Had you really been that obvious? Yes ,during the past few months you may have developed a little cush on the younger Black. But c'mon that obvious?

But obviously you couldnt tell your friends that. Especially not Sirius and James. They would die of a heart attack on the spot.

"Do you really think if i had a crush on someone i wouldnt tell any of you? Not even Marlene or Lilly?" That was a good safe. Because yes, you usually told the girl pretty much every detail of your life. Even when you had a crush on Remus back in 4th year before you knew that he was gay. And very much in love with Sirius.

Sirius deflated on that. "Yea.. i guess that is true."

They finally picked up their previous conversations and you stole a quick glance at the slytherin table. But instead of Regulus eyes you met those of Evan Rosier.

He had his eyes already on you and winked at you with a sly grin when our eyes met. Next to him Regulus had noticed that exchange and hit Evan in the side with his elbow. You looked at them confused as Regulus angrily whispered something to Evan who just laughed in reply.

Had Regulus told them? You made a mental note to ask him that night.

When your eyes finally went back to your friends you met Remus eyes who just lifted one eyebrow and smiled knowingly at you.

You ignored him and went back to eating.

Later that evening you were sat in the common room doing potions homework when Remus excused himself from the boys to walk over to you. You looked up at him for a second as he sat down next to you before going back to writing.

"You know, at some point they're gonna find out."

"I have no idea what you're talking about Rem." He couldnt know. Right?

"Yea you do. You know, you're lucky that i'm the one that keeps the map most nights."

At that you froze. Your quill a few centimeters over your parchment.

The map.

Shit.

How did you forget about that.

Remus noticed your stressed facial expression.

"They dont know. I havent told them dont worry. " You relaxed a little at that. "But you know its only a matter of time before one of them finds out."

You let out a breath that you didnt realize you were holding before putting down your quill, frowning at the spot of ink on you parchment, that had dripped from the quil.

"How long have you known?"

"Right before The holidays."

"Rem that is so long! Why didnt you tell me that you know?!" You whisper yelled to make sure none of the other boys heard you.

"I wanted you to tell me when you were ready."

Your face softens. Of course. You dont answer.

"Sooooooo... you want to talk about it? He sure has you happy so he clearly cant be that bad." He says with a smile.

"You have no idea." You grin.

That conversation led to an almost 1 hour long talk of you talking about Regulus. How nice he is. How attractive, because god did you find him attractive. You told him about Regulus friends. How you think that at least Evan knows. Why Regulus is actually mad at Sirius. Everything. Because you knew that Remus wouldnt tell anyone. He has always been good at keeping secrets.

"You are so whipped for him, oh my god.." He told you at the end of your rant with a small chuckle.

You felt your face get hot. "Oh fuck off. Like you arent evenly as whipped for Sirius."

"Oh low blow." You just stuck out your toungue at him in response.

Remus then got a little more serious again. "Are you gonna tell him that you like him?"

You bit the inside of your lip. "I dont know Rem. I dont think he likes me like that and i dont wanna destroy something good yk."

"Yea i know what you mean." He looks over at Sirius.

You change the topic slightly. "So, uhh.. take the map tonight?"

He looks back at you with a grin. "Yea i got it. I'm gonna go back to the others. You finish that homework before you leave tonight."

"Yea, yea, whatever."

That night your walk to the astronomy tower is interrupted.

"Oi Potter!" You stop and turn around in surprise to see a ginning Evan Rosier.

"Rosier? What do you want?"

"Oh nothing really" He is a bad liar. "Where're you headed to after curfew?"

You narrow your eyes at him. "I dont see why that is any of your business."

He knows. And you know that.

"Alright fine. I know you're meeting with Reg." You sigh and turn back around to continue your walk to the tower. Evan quickly follows you.

"Listen, Reg kinda let it slip that you guys have been meeting up."

"Okay? That still doesnt answer why youre talking to me right now."

"Well our Reggie seems pretty over the moon with you so i wanted to see for myself. He likes you you know. Like a lot." He is grinning from ear too ear now.

But its what he said that makes you pause in your steps for a second.

"What?"

"Oh yea, boy is smitten." He grins but immediately notices his mistake and his smile drops. "No wait. Forget i said that. You didnt hear anything okay?"

Your face is flushed now. Did Evan just tell you that Regulus likes you? Like... Like liked you?

"Uhm- Right."

"But just hypothetically... if you did hear something.... Would that something be reciprocated or not? Because if it was i wouldnt feel so bad for you hypothetically hearing something."

You dont even know what to say to that. You really didnt want to tell Evan about your crush on Regulus. Sure he trusts Evan but you really didnt know the guy.

"None of your business Rosier." You start walking again, while Evan just stays were he is.

"Im taking that as a yes. Dont tell Reg that i hypothetically told you that. Im not ready to die yet."

"Whatever Rosier!"

Your thoughts are racing. Regulus likes you. Except Evan is just trying to mess with you. But that doesnt seem like something he would do. Atleast not from what Regulus told you.

You are so in thought that you almost dont notice Regulus waiting when you reach the top of the tower.

You only snap out of it when you hear him call your name.

"You good?"

"Hm? Oh yea. Sorry, just thinking." You sit down next to him, like always and pull out your pack of cigarettes. You kept stealing them from Sirius and he kept wondering how they keep dissappearing.

"About?"

"Rosier just talked to me." You werent gonna tell him about the hypothetical thing Evan told you. But you were definetely gonna talk to him about the fact that Evan knew.

"Evan? Why?" He reached over, pulling a cigarette out of your pack without asking.

"He knows?" Was all you answered as you pull your lighter out of your jacket.

Regulus laughed nervously. "Uh- yea, i mightve slipped up on that. Sorry. I swear he wont tell anyone."

"Its fine, you can tell your friends as long as they keep it to themselfs." You lift your lighter to light your own cigarette, when Regulus suddenly leans into your space to light his cigarette at the same time as yours. His face only centimeters away from yours.

You flush. Fuck that was hot. He leans back with a slight grin. He knew exactly what he was doing to you.

"Any of your friends know?" He asks as if he didnt just do that. Fucker.

"Well.. Remus knows. I didnt tell him. He figured it out on his own." You stammer out.

Goddamn it.

"Lupin? Makes sense. Hes smart. He knows everything."

"Yea except for the fact that Sirius is painfully obvious in love with him. Thats the one thing he doesnt seem to notice."

"Wait what?" He seems confused. Shit. Did you just out Sirius to his brother? You thought he knew.

"Did- Did you not know Sirius is gay?"

"No, that much is obvious." Oh thank god. "I meant, Those two arent a couple?"

That makes you laugh.

"No! They've been in love with each other for years but are the only ones that havent realized it yet."

Regulus is both surprised and amused by that information.

"They had me fooled. I thought they've been together for forever." He's barely holding back his laughter.

"Nope just incedibly dense. Both of them."

Neither of you can stop the laughter at that point.

You think that this might be the most genuine laughter and smile you've ever seen from Regulus.

Your laughter dies down a little as you look at him. His head thrown back, eyes closed and mouth open in a bright grin as he laughs. He looks beautiful.

You just stare for a few seconds, with a soft smile on your face.

He stops laughing and notices your staring.

"What?" He asks, smile still on his face.

"You're Beautiful." You answer without thinking about it.

When you see his pale face flush a light pink shade in surprise you realize what you just said and look away in embarrassment.

"I- Uh- I mean.." Fuckfuckfuck. Why did you just say that. Its true yea, but still. Oh my god. You are such an idiot.

"So are you." Those three words are all it takes for your rambling thoughts to dissapper fully.

Brain empty.

You look back at him. His face is still a little pink but he has a little smile adorning his lips.

You dont know what to answer so you just stare in silence. Evans words from earlier come back to your mind.

Well our Reggie seems pretty over the moon with you ,so i wanted to see for myself. He likes you you know. Like a lot.

FUCK. You are a goner at this point.

Luckily for you Regulus seems to notice your inner turmoil and changes the conversation to something easier without a second thought.

"So, did you finish that potions homework yet?"

You are honestly thankful thatt he is just able to do that. Make you think about something else.

But for the rest of the night, hell for the rest of the week all you can think about is that moment.

The next day all your friends can tell that you are even more in thought than usual but they know better than to press on it.

Except for Remus. Between classes he pulls you aside to ask what happened. You tell him everything.

From Evans slip up to Regulus calling you beautiful.

"Thats great! To me thats a clear sign that he likes you too."

"But Rem what if i'm misinterpreting?!"

"You literally have confirmation from his best friend."

You dont have more time to talk about it because both of you have to get to your next classes.

But you keep thinking about the whole thing.

You could tell that something had changed between Regulus and you. Not in a bad way, you dont think.

You caught him looking at you more often. During meals, during class, during your meetings. You noticed because you were also looking at him more often.

Eye contact for a few seconds to long and smiling before one of you would look away.

This went on for about two weeks. How often had you thought about kissing him during those two weeks? You had lost count.

Then one night, Regulus had just made a joke that you had both laughed at for far to long, and when you finally stopped you realized how close you faces had gotten.

Regulus had noticed too.

You were staring at each other, you eyes flicking from his eyes to his lips and back up. Your tongue darting out to wet your lips in a nervous tick as you caught his eyes looking at your lips too.

You subconciously moved even closer, noses now centimeters away from brushing against each other.

Regulus is the one that asks in almost a whisper "Can I kiss you?"

You cant get any words out so you simply nod your head ever so slightly.

Regulus leans towards you, closing the gap between you in a soft kiss.

Its not heated, not rushed, its slow, soft and full with emotions.

Its perfect.

When you part, neither of want to fully pull back. Your noses still almost touching.

After a few second you gain your voice back and admit in a whisper.

"I really like you Regulus"

"Merlin I would hope so." He answers with chuckle. "I like you too."

You lean in to kiss him again.

And again.

The rest of that night included a lot more kisses. As well as a talk about what you you were to each other. You were glad about that. Not knowing would have killed you probably.

You both came to the conclusion that you wouldnt be telling people (Except the ones that you trusted) but that you are in fact dating.

You wished that you could stay like that all night but unfortunately both of you needed sleep.

"Goodnight Reg"

You kissed him one more time before starting to walk away, his hand in yours as long as you could.

"Goodnight mon cherie." You smiled to yourself all the way back to your dorm.

The next morning Remus knew. He just knew it from one look at you. You were honestly so glad that he knew and you were able to tell him everything.

The last few months until summer went well. Hang outs, kisses and talking. Regulus also at some point properly introduced you to Evan. Honestly the two of you hit it of really well.

The closer summer got, the more nervous both you and Regulus got.

He would have to go back to his parents and you wouldnt be able to write each other without his parents asking questions.

You spent the last night before summer in eachothers arms, telling him to be careful. You didnt want to part from each other but reluctantly did so right before sunrise with a long, loving kiss.

That morning both of you kept stealing glances at each other, Remus doing his best to ease your worries.

On the platform you barely had enough time to see Regulus dissappear with his parents.

"You coming?" You turned around at James question.

"Yeah."

The first half of the summer was pretty uneventful, even though you still worried about Regulus.

For the second half, Remus had joined your family.

A week later you were helping your mother prepare dinner when you heard a soft knock on your front door.

Confused you turned toward Euphemia.

"Are we expecting someone mum?"

"Not that i know of. Would you mind checking who it is darling?"

"Sure." You quickly put down the plate you were previously holding and went to answer the door.

On the other side was the last person you expected to see.

"Reggie?" Your voice filled with worry and almost a whisper.

Regulus looked bad. Almost worse than Sirius when he appeared at your doorsttep a year and a half prior. He was bleeding and bruised, and looked like he was minutes away from keeling over.

His eyes met yours, filled with tears that were steadily flowing down his cheeks.

"I didnt know were else to go..." His voice was hoarse like he had been screaming and shaky from crying.

Before he had even finished his sentence he had stepped towards you, nearly falling into your arms. You hugged him back while pulling him back into the house with you with a small "cmon..".

Inside you let go of him, carefully guiding him into the living room and onto your couch only stopping near the kitchen to yell to your mother.

"Mum! We need the healing kit!"

Your mother immediately stuck her head out the kitchen door to see what was going on.

"Oh dear." She quickly left to get the kit.

Meanwhile you had carefully sat Regulus onto your couch,sitting next to him and holding his hand, scared that hugging would hurt him. You didnt need to ask what had happened. That much was pretty obvious.

"Regulus." You urged him to look at you with a small squeeze of your hand. "Hey.. Its gonna be okay. Your safe now. I promise."

He didnt answer but layed his forehead onto your shoulder and squezed you hand back. He was still crying although not as hysterically anymore.

Euphemia entered the room, healing kit in hand and carefully sat infront of Regulus on the floor. You had done this before so she knew to be careful as not to scare him.

"Regulus right?" Her voice was soft and quiet as if she was talking to a scared animal. He didnt react so you nodded at your mother to confirm that she had the right name.

"Regulus, I'm gonna heal you now. But i have to touch you for that. Is that alright with you?"

Regulus nodded ever so slightly with his head still against your shoulder. Euphemia caught the slight movement and immediately started to examine the extent of his injuries before starting to heal them one by one. It would take a while and she wouldnt be able to heal all of them fully right that moment. It had been the same with Sirius.

You quietly soothed him through all of it. Continuing to hold his hand, your thumb stroking over the back of his hands while you whispered comforting words into his ear.

Unfortunately in the middle of all this our brother and Sirius had decided to make their entrance.

"Hey mum, is dinner almost ready?" James asked while he and Sirius came down the stairs.

But before Euhemia could answer you heard both boys exclaim at the same time.

"What the fuck??!"

"Regulus?!"

Both of you looked up at them at the same time. Regulus face still stained with tears and blood.

Sirius made his way over in a instant, sitting beside your mother and grasping Regulus other hand in his bigger ones. His eyes were filled with worry. Of course they were. Even if him and Regulus werent on good terms, he was still his brother. And seeing him like that made him fall back into that role within seconds.

"Shit, what happened?? Did they..??" He didnt finish his sentence. He didnt have to. Because he also knew.

Regulus started tearing up again and turned his head towards you to try and hide it.

You instantly hugged him against you in comfort, your second hand reaching up to the back of his head to cradle it against the junction of your neck and shoulder.

"Sssh, its okay Reg." Your face pressed against the side of his head a told him that.

Your eyes met James over Regulus head. He just stood there perplexed. Not only was Regulus fucking Black bleeding in his living room, but he also cuddled up close to his sister like they were close.

You knew that you had a lot of explaining to do later, but right now you had different priorities.

So you ignored James and continued talking to Reglulus in a quite voice to help him calm down, occasionally pressing little kisses to his temple and hair.

When your mother was done, she slowly got up. "I'll leave you guys alone for a bit. If you need something just call."

She left the room at the same time as Remus entered, having come down to see what was taking the boys so long.

Remus quickly hid his surprise at the fact that Regulus was here and simply asked "Is he okay?".

You simply looked at him and said "He will be."

After that you all sat in silence for a few minutes, only disruted by Regulus quiet sniffeles.

When he had finally calmed down again he still refused to let go of you.

Remus was the first to speak up.

"I think he should take a shower, get all that blood of him. Prongs, Padfoot, wait in the kitchen well join you in a minute."

Both boys started to protest but Remus wasnt having it and herded them to the kitchen looking back at you for a second.

" I got it Rem."

You helped Regulus up, guiding him to the bathroom.

Once you were there you closed the door behind you and turned towards Regulus.

He grabbed you by your hips and pulled you towards him. Being close to you always comforted him.

You reached up to carefully hold his face in your hands.

"Are you okay?" Worry was evident in your eyes and voice.

"Now that im with you i will be." He answered quietly, leaning down to lay his forehead against yours, his eyes closed.

Your quiet moment was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Hey." Remus. "Can i come in? I got you some clothes."

You pulled away from Regulus and opened the door, stepping aside slightly so Remus could hand Regulus the stack of dark clothing.

"They're Sirius, so the should fit you." He then looked at you. "They have a lot of questions. You should come downsairs and talk to them."

You sigh. This was what you were scared of. "Okay, I'll be down is a few."

Remus nodded and sent one last smile at the two of you before leaving.

You turned towards Regulus again. "Do you need help with anything or are you good?"

"I think im good" And then quieter. " Thank you. You dont understand how much all of this means to me."

You smile at him and step closer to press a small kiss to his lips. "Of course. Im here for you. Always." Before leaving him to shower, closing the door behind you.

You take a deep breath before beginning your way to the kitchen. Halfway there you could already hear your brother.

"Why are you so calm about this Moony?! Did you know?!"

"Prongs will you calm down?"

"No-"

All conversation halted when you entered the kitchen, all eyes turning to you.

James looked both confused and near furious and Sirius just looked confused. Like he wasnt sure what to make of the whole situation yet.

"Explain." Is all James said as he said down at the table and pointed at the chair across from him.

You said down and so did Sirius next to James, and Remus, next to you.

"After summer last year, I've started to go to the astronomy tower at night. Just for some peace and quiet, away from everything you know.

One night he was there too. A few days after school start. He didnt really say anything. We just sat together. He didnt look good. Like, really tired and he had this giant bruise on his face. He had it hidden during the day, but that night i saw it. I didnt say anything about it, but i knew it was from his parents.

After that night we just kept meeting there. We didnt talk, we really just sat in silence with each other. At some point i started to tell him about my day. He never said anything but he also kept coming."

You looked from James betrayed eyes down to your hands that layed intertwined with each other on the table.

"Then after christmas break, he looked so much worse than before. And that night he broke down. And he told me everything. About his parents. And how much worse the got after Sirius left."

Your eyes flicked to Sirius face. Guilt written all over it.

"After that we just started talking to each other. About anything. He even introduced me to a few of his friends. They're honestlyy really nice. They dont support their parents ideas really. And a few months ago..."

You looked at Remus. His expression encouraging you to continue.

Fuck it. Just rip of the bandaid.

"A few months ago we kissed and we've kinda been dating since then." Your eyes were glued to a little scratch in the surfice of the table. Refusing to meet James or Sirius glances.

"WHAT?!"

"Prongs. Calm down. I think they're good for each other. Its their life. Not yours." Thank merlin that Remus exists. You didnt know what you would do without him.

"How long have you known about is Moony?!"

Remus looked down for a second before meeting James eyes again. "Right before christmas."

James was about to answer something probably dumb, when Sirius suddenly turned towards you.

"I cant believe you wouldnt tell me you were in a relationship."

You chuckled nervously. "Thats the part that bothers you about this?"

"YES! And also I'm trying to focus on something that isnt the fact that your DATING MY LITLE BROTHER... so i dont freak out." You could tell that he was really trying.

"Im sorry i didnt tell you. I was just worried how you would react." You said apologetically.

"For good reason." Remus mumbled making you smile slightly.

James face softened. "Well.. as much as i dont agree with this. And i dont. For the record. Remus is right. Its your life. But if he tries to pull something you tell me alright? And ill take care of it."

"Oi thats my little brother your talking about!" That made you smile. At least they're trying. "But seriously, if he tries something you tell us."

"He wont. But thank you." You smile at them. Remus laying his hand on your shoulder making you look over at him.

Then Sirius half joking, half serious voice makes you look at him again.

"But seriously my brother? Why? Out of everyone."

"Wow Sirius. I feel kind of attacked." At the sound of Regulus voice you quickly turn around.

He stood a meter behind your chair , black hair wet and tousled, his tall slim frame clad in a pair of black sweatpants and a black sabbath shirt.

"Reg. How're you feeling?" Your voice was still filled with worry even though Regulus already looked a lot better. You held your hand out towards him, beconing him closer.

He took your hand, walking over to sit in the open chair to your left. Remus being on your right.

"Better." He said a soft smile on his face, as he just looked at you for a moment.

You smiled back at him before saying "I think we should get mum back and finish making dinner. You hungry?"

"Starving." It sounded like a joke but honestly with his parents you could never know.

"Remus, make sure they're being civil okay?" You spoke as you got up, squeezing Regulus shoulder in passing. "I'll be right back."

Just as you left the room you could hear Sirius whine. "Moony we're always civil! I dont know what they mean."

"Yea yea Padfoot whatever you say." You could pracicaly hear the adoring smile in Remus voice.

Surprisingly when you came back with your mother, no one was dead.

Your mother had pulled both you and James with her to help with the food, giving him the perfect oppertunity to keep asking you annoying questions about you and Regulus.

Remus offered to set the table, giving Sirius and Regulus a chance to talk. Something they hadnt properly done in years. You didnt hear what they said but it ended in a hug so at least it was good.

Dinner was kind of awkward. Your Dad having to quickly be filled in on what happened when he arrived in the kitchen.

Regulus was given the guest room to sleep in, Remus had been sleeping in James and Sirius room anyways. So when you were sure he three boys were in bed you snuck into the guest room, cuddling up with Regulus under the blanket.

"I saw you speaking with Sirius earlier." He hummed in reply, his face hidden in your hair, his left arm around your waist, holding you close to him.

"Did you talk everything out?" You turn slightly in his hold so you could look a him. Your faces now right infront of each oher.

"Not everything. Thats gonna take a while. But he apologized. Its a start." His voice was low and tired.

" Thats good. I know how much you both missed each other." Again he simply hummed in response.

"I think we should sleep." You say with a grin. "You're barely awake anyway." Another hum.

You lean forward for a soft kiss. He kissed back. "Goodnight mon cherie."

You smile. "Sleep well Reggie."

He cuddled back into you, his face against your neck, arms holding you close, legs tangled with yours.

You smile at his almost asleep form.

He was okay.

He was safe.

And he was yours.

And maybe. Just maybe. You would be okay.

647 notes · View notes

perpetuallydaydreaming · 1 year

Text

aren’t promises meant to be broken?

at 17 sirius promised to always be there for you whenever you need him. now 3 years after your break up, sirius has yet to break this promise.

tags: sirius black x f!reader,, magical nuisances,, exes to friends to lovers,, hurt and comfort,, fluff,, angst,, slytherins + pandora,, no voldy

a/n: took me an embarrassing amount of time to finish but i’m kinda soft for this fic ngl

people never stay friends with their exes. even with the promises of being one when breaking up. most find it, understandably, too awkward to continue any sort of relationship with them.

you would have been one of those people, at least you think so. but certain circumstances have deemed this preference a futile thought.

“i can’t believe you got me here to clean your bathroom.” sirius glared, peeling off the rubber gloves off his hands and slumping down on the breakfast nook.

“someone had to do it.” you shrugged, “it wouldn’t be the first time,” you smiled, vanishing the gloves and cleaning the table too. before placing a plate in front of him filled with sausages, toast and beans.

“that’s the fucked up part! it isn’t even my first time doing this.” he groans, grabbing a fork that you immediately slapped away.

“wash your hands first, you animal.”

he whines a protest but gets up anyway, rubbing his slapped hands as he does so—pouting because he’s dramatic like that.

“aren’t you going to eat with me?” he asks, his back turned to you as he washes his hands.

you were almost going to say yes, out of habit, having done so numerous times before. but remembered belatedly, the date set up by regulus with one of his work colleagues. a proper fit to you, he said. “no, i’m meeting somebody for dinner later.”

he closes the tap, turning to you again. “dinner? with who?”

you clicked your tongue at the dripping mess he’s making on the floor. grabbing paper towels and tossing it to him to wipe it himself. “some bloke from regulus’ work.”

“regulus? another date then?”

you nodded, feeling a bit uncomfortable at the idea of talking about dates your ex’s brother set you up with.

he frowned. going back to the table and grabbing the fork to start eating the warm food. “i see,”

and that was, thankfully, the end of that.

you didn’t really want to delve into your dating life with anyone, much less your ex-boyfriend of all people—no matter how many times he cleans your bathroom. it was already morbidly pathetic, how your friends seem to think you needed help finding someone new and to move on with.

but in your defence, it is rather difficult finding someone who would be okay with your, er, arrangement with your ex.

it is all sirius’ fault, really, but what isn’t? accidentally making a magically-binding promise to you, seems just like the type of thing he would do. and he has.

ever since he made that promise at 17 when you’ve just started dating, sirius has been showing up in your life, ready to help you with anything you need. you thought of this is in a more figurative sense, but no. that was too simple.

instead, whenever you need something. maybe something as simple as scratching your back, to partaking in a monthly bathroom cleaning, sirius would just appear out of thin air into your house, or wherever you need him, and he would be required to do it else he wouldn’t be able to leave.

when you were dating, this was something you both enjoyed, sometimes even looked forward to. using it as an excuse to latch unto each other the whole day. but now, having been spilt for how many years now (3 but who’s counting?) you can imagine how this magic promise has become a nuisance in your everyday life.

you tried resisting it, of course. though the power of will and mental fortitude can only do so much when you can’t reach the top shelves of your kitchen. forget about avoiding your ex, when he can just pop in whenever, wherever, when you get so much as a paper cut. you can see how the novelty of the situation can run its course. so much so, you sort of just learn how to deal with it instead of fighting it.

you’ve learned to use this to your advantage, of course, making him do chores around the house, makes him a great house elf without the moral issues of owning one.

he was also quite reluctant, when you both broke up, but that was to be expected. he had tried moving away to france, thinking the distance might prevent him from showing up. but that only made it difficult to explain to the travel officers how he can exit the country without violating travel wizarding laws.

regardless of the reluctant acceptance of such peculiar arrangement, you still have that hope you can somehow reverse it.

this particular hope always trampled by your friends’ insistence to utilize your situation to your extreme satisfaction.

“i don’t understand why you would want to remove it, to be honest.” dorcas frowned flipping through the pages of magical vows and contracts, vol.2. “i mean if i had someone doing things for me all day long, i certainly wouldn’t complain.”

“are you joking? why would anyone want to stay bound to their ex?”

she looked over to you, tone playfully mocking, but mocking regardless. “you mean an ex who does everything you need him to?”

“well, how would you feel if lily was always around you doing stuff for you?”

“oh please, if lily was bound to me, cleaning my bathroom wouldn’t be the only thing she would be doing.”

you grimace, “spare me the details, i beg of you.”

“so you wouldn’t like it if you and sirius partook… in certain late night activities?” she hummed.

you sputter out scandalized gasps, face feeling gruesomely warm, “don’t be disgusting! i have no intentions of ever doing anything with him and i assume he share the sentiments, a-and it is appalling that you think so—!” you breathed in deep, willing your face to relax and to settle your wild heart. “i don’t need him to be anything other than a reluctant acquaintance.”

pandora laughs from the floor, “not even considering him as a friend? poor sirius.”

you huff, embarrassed and frankly a bit betrayed.

you friends have convinced themselves of sirius’ intentions to be more than what is required of him. pushing you of all people to act upon seducing him using your gods given womanly assets, as pandora had once labelled.

you abruptly stood up from the table, going over to the stove to reheat the water to make more tea. “besides, i am perfectly capable of handling things by myself, thank you very much.”

it’s dorcas who laughs this time, “what do you mean? just last week, he had to bandage your finger for you because you bit your cuticle to blood. you are entirely dependent on him at this point.”

you huff, “i am not. i am a woman capable of attending to my own needs. that was the bind’s requirements of it all, i have to let him do these things or the bond won’t ever let him leave, you know this already.” you groan, rolling your eyes. “my point still stands. i don’t need him, nor will i ever need him. i just want all of this out of my life and in the past, like it should have been.”

“doesn’t he have his own room in this house by now?”

“it’s not his room, it’s a guest room— that he frequently uses. there’s a difference.”

it was pandora munching on peanuts, wholly amused that responded next, “right,” she drawled, “and that’s why he has his clothes folded and tucked away in the closet.”

“oh piss off, the nuisance sometimes happens in the middle of the night. how could i let him go home so late? what kind of host would i be?”

“couldn’t he just go home straight after?” dorcas asks.

“is it a nuisance, still?” pandora asks.

you cross your arms, petulant, “he can, but he chooses not to. and yes, still.” you scoff, “i know you think something filthy is happening but i particularly don’t enjoy his impromptu trespasses, believe me.”

“i don’t know, you two seem to be getting along quite well.”

“me and that useless oaf? are you joking?”

pandora smiled sweetly, “hardly useless now, i hear.”

“and what did you hear?”

“takes care of you quite well, what with dinner invites with the potters and even travelling?”

you turned around, fiddling with the tea cups, hoping to hide your darkening flush. but you know it did nothing, judging by their giggles.

“travelling?” dorcas inquired, interest piqued.

you don’t see her but you can sense her teasing smile.

you have yet to share that tidbit of embarrassing info to her. mainly because you don’t know how to squeeze it in and you don’t know how to even begin.

you did go to the potters for one random dinner. the invite came after sirius had come and helped you arrange your home library. it was just a simple dinner. filled with other people, hardly anything scandalous.

the travelling together was accidental. you were off to travel with bloke #4, as graciously dubbed by sirius (someone regulus had set you up with at the time) off to a romantic getaway for the weekend to a hot spring up the mountains. only to get thirsty halfway through your trip and have sirius show up in your train compartment only in his boxers and fluffy bunny slippers.

there were no other stops in the train. anti apparition wards set up and the floo connection was severed in the hotel to promote exclusivity, sirius had to join in on the activities through his relentless insistence. he had ate and laughed obnoxiously loud - sitting dangerously close to you the entire trip. he had constantly went on a tangent, reminiscing about your past relationship ranging from random dates to the make out spots you’ve frequented together in hogwarts. safe to say that was the last time you’ve heard from bloke #4.

but you could hardly think to be upset about that. you quite… enjoyed yourself.

but you’ll be damned before you admit that to these two vultures.

taking a deep breath, “there was no dinner invites nor travelling. it was—“

“magical nuisance, yes, yes.” pandora waves off.

you roll your eyes again, grabbing the hot kettle to steep the tea. “stop trying to make things—ah! fuck, ow.” you hiss, holding your painfully warm, stinging fingers. you see the tiny boils already appearing on your skin, the piercing pain shooting through your fingers. you squeezed your hand, hoping to elevate some of the pain.

sirius made a quick move to grab your wrists to pull you to the sink. you didn’t even hear him arrive.

“what happened?” he asks, silver eyes looking at you in intense worry. softly holding your hand under the cold running water gliding down your hand. he was standing so close to you you could smell a tiny hint of his soap. you slowly start to relax.

that is before you catch dorcas’ glinting gaze and pandora’s knowing smile. both of which you vehemently ignore, as you stare at your red fingers and his much larger hand on yours.

“i burned my fingers on the kettle.”

“goodness love, you have to be more careful.”

“sorry.” you mumbled, but having no idea why you would even apologize in the first place. still, you feel the heat of your hand spread to your body.

dorcas, having stood up to help you sat back down again, “hello, sirius. right on time as always.” she called, a cetain lilt in her voice you nervously recognized.

“sirius black, what a coincidence.” pandora sing songs, no subtlety whatsoever.

oh, they are just the worst.

he regarded them both in an overly familiar smile (an ex shouldn’t give to his ex’s friends) and in a light teasing tone as he says “good evening, ladies. why do i get the feeling like you’ve been gossiping about me?”

“you might have been mentioned once or twice.” pandora shrugged.

sirius softly laughs, the sound barely heard over the sink, before he stares at your fingers again, rubbing his thumb over the sensitive skin. before looking at you with a teasing smirk to which you only roll your eyes at.

you see shuffling in your peripheral, meeting your friend’s eyes, you see them gesture to you and sirius. trying to wordlessly communicate to you with wide smiles. you imagine something akin to, see? what did we tell you? not useless right? nuisance my ass. look at you guys holding hands under the water.

as if just realizing it now, you pull your hand away from his grip in an embarrassed haste, as he slowly lets go with a small frown etched on his face.

drying his hands on the towel, as he leans down to unnecessarily whisper to you. “i’m going to get a burn salve, i’ll be quick.”

“it’s in the—“

“bathroom, yes, angel, i know. just wait for me.” he drawled, giving you a wry smile.

you stare at his retreating figure. you almost want to laugh at his serious reaction to a simple burn from a kettle. hardly calls for any salve. but you kept the comments in, for whatever reason. a fluffy, dangerous feeling erupting in your chest.

you hear dorcas whistle to get your attention, a smirk on her face, “angel?”

when the promise first happened, it was during graduation from hogwarts. absolutely gutted by the fact that your parents didn’t show. they’ve been vocal about their disappointment that you weren’t able to finish at the top of your class. but you had hoped they would still show. you were, after all, still their kid.

but there was noticeably empty seats in an area reserved for your family. so, naturally as any teenager, the next best thing you could do in the situation is cry alone in a bathroom.

though the lack of company didn’t last too long, because then your boyfriend appeared, looking to be in a middle of taking pictures if his big and goofy face is anything to go by.

he heard you, before he saw you. hearing your soft sniffles and the tiny hiccups from your mouth. at the time, you both didn’t question what had happen. why he was inside the girl’s bathroom, why is there a strange pull to follow your every whims. but he was suddenly there to comfort you, and make you smile again—who were you deny his services?

you both only managed to understand what was happening by the third time it happened. sirius suddenly appearing by your bedside, wet and covered in suds. he was in the middle of showering and you promptly freaked out, seeing large bits you weren’t ready to see yet.

but understanding why it was happening didn’t mean both of you would be prepared anytime it actually happened.

the bind didn’t pick and choose when, where, and why he would appear. there was an embarrassing moment when he showed up in the bathroom when you’ve ran out of tissue paper. also at your house during dinner when you needed salt, to which your parents justifiably freaked out at the sight of a boy, claiming to be your boyfriend.

this hasn’t changed years later.

now as you lie in your bed, feeling the scratchy feeling in your throat. you knew by the tingles in your arms. the thrumming static of your magic within you— letting you know of his arrival before you could even sit up.

there he was, your ex-boyfriend, like the days before. it was terribly late, and he was struggling to even stand straight as he yawns in the middle of your room, wearing a set of well-loved teddy bear pajamas.

“somethin’ wrong baby?” his voice deep, hoarse and low. something exciting spiking through your veins, making you more awake.

you knew, if he was more alert he wouldn’t have called you that.

you try not to think why you feel miffed by that fact.

“jus’ some water please.” you call softly from your bed.

he yawns again, rubbing his flat belly, “okay.” he breathes, walking in the darkness of your room with practiced ease.

you hear the small sounds of clanks in the kitchen, and the fridge being pulled open.

he knew you liked you water cold. he knew where your drinking glasses were. he knew where you keep the salves. he knew your apartment in the dark.

in the beginning, especially after your relationship ended, you associated this binding promise as an act of forceful requirement. at best, you see it as a favour you give to a stranger. but lately, especially in the quiet of your house, the pet names that keeps slipping out of his mouth as of late—you start to dangerously think of this as something else. as something more. as something painfully familiar.

he comes back quiet, siting on the bed near your thighs, as he hands you the cool, moist glass. his hair was tousled more than usual. there were sleeping marks on his face. he was probably already asleep before you needed him here.

you feel a little bit guilty, but you see his flushed cheeks through the soft glow of the moon outside your window, and the hooded gaze he desperately tries to keep open. you fight back a smile instead.

“is that all, baby?” his hand softly smoothing your hair at the back of your head. your room felt ridiculously warm.

“thank you.” you murmured before setting the glass on the bedside table.

he gives you one last sleepy smile, eyes closed and his hair toppling over his eyes. “okay, if that’s all—“

“are you going back?” you cut in, holding his wrist, your finger on his pulse. keeping him seated before he could even stand. before his warmth leaves your bed.

“i don’t have to..” he offers. like always, giving you the choice to draw the line.

you hesitate before you answer, letting go of his wrist, “it’s late..” and that’s all you say, and apparently that’s all he needs.

“is it alright then, if i stay the night? then i can leave in the morning?” he whispers back. his warm hand, touching your thigh over the covers. he felt so far away.

you don’t do this, not usually. but in the dark space of your room you feel more confident. more assured. braver.

you move slightly to the side, giving him space, “if you want.” conveniently forgetting the existence of the spare room. choosing to blame it on the lack of sleep.

he smiles, moving the covers. the short moment of exposure making you shiver in the cold. he notices, quickly sliding into bed with you. arms stiffly on his sides and yours crossed across your chest.

still not brave enough.

you feel him shuffle, laying on his side and facing you. his fingers just barely grazing your sides in a soft touch.

you fell asleep faster than any other night, hearing him breath near your ear.

you dream of a teary conversation from a time not so long ago, of desperate pleas not to leave you. and when you feel his arm curl around your waist. you dreaming of nothing for the rest of night.

the next morning, you woke up later than you would have, and see the too empty space next to you. the pang in your chest, grossly familiar.

it had been a month since the night he’s stayed with you. not a breath has been acknowledged about that night. choosing to ignore the lingering tension, the long stares and the awkward dispositions.

you don’t know whether to feel relieved or frustrated.

of course, your friends had noticed this - because hadn’t they been analyzing each of your move when it comes to sirius black?

dorcas eventually had to force it out of you. to which pandora squealed and teased you in delight. insistent of the blooming change in your relationship.

“blooming change?” you repeated.

“what? it’s poetic!” she argues.

“it’s dumb,” regulus calls out. “y/n isn’t the kind to return to an ex, especially not to my dumb brother, right y/n?” he looks so earnestly confident. so much so that you couldn’t even lie to agree with him. truth be told, you have no idea if you were even the type to go back, regardless if it was reggie’s dumb brother or not.

because sirius has been your first boyfriend and if this bind continues on, he might be your last. you don’t know if that’s a good thing, all things considered.

everyone has turned to you now, in varying degrees of smugness, amusement, pride and playful pity.

dorcas laughs, saving you from answering. “i don’t know reggie, seems like y/n’s getting a little swayed.”

reggie reacts for you, as if offended. “she is not! she is actively going on dates and meeting new people.”

“oh?” dorcas smirked.

barty, sitting up straighter, “doesn’t he have a room here or something?”

you say, “no,“ “yes.” pandora quips, at the same time.

you rolled your eyes, “it’s a guest room—“

“one that conveniently went unused in one random night.” evan hummed, smirking, as he blew his smoke out the window.

pandora and dorcas ooh’ed.

“it was late! he was practically dragging himself from the floor, i couldn’t let him hurt himself after i interrupted his sleep, a-and he was already there, it’d be rude not to—i don’t even know why i’m explaining myself to you!— i don’t have to explain myself, because i did nothing wrong.” your met with four amused looks and one gut wrenchingly, disappointed one.

dorcas clicked her tongue, “i don’t know why you’re even fighting it at this point.”

“what do you mean by that?”

“i mean, you clearly want to be with him still.”

you sputter, sitting straighter, indignant as you say, “what gave you that idea?”

“the longing gaze.”

“acting all shy.” barty adds.

“the late night rendezvous,” evan hums.

“giving him his own room.” pandora pointedly looked at you.

“the inability to pursue any other relationship after him.” regulus tutted.

you gasp, betrayed. “even you reggie?”

regulus rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and legs, “i am running out of eligible acquaintances to set you up with, you know.”

you don’t even know how to respond to that.

frankly you can’t. because you know they were right, and dammit if that didn’t hurt your pride just a little.

still, ridiculously hung up on an ex that didn’t even love you. a joke, really.

but you relish in the idea of sirius being near you. it sends a certain tingle down your spine just knowing he’ll arrive anytime, and be there for you. you like how he always stands so close to you even if he doesn’t have to. you like how you don’t have to tell him what he has to do before he does it. you like the pet names naturally slipping past his pretty mouth. how he’s always touching you in some way. how familiar it feels. the habits, the conversations, the feelings—how easy it all seems.

but it isn’t. you know it isn’t.

because you’ve tried and failed.

you fell for him, loved him the way you know how. leaving nothing for yourself as you give everything for him. loving him with no expectations for him to do the same. and so, he doesn’t.

he couldn’t love you back. at least not in the way you entirely feel for him.

he couldn’t look past his life and the experiences he’d endured just to reach that moment in the past. it wrecked you. you didn’t expect anything, but it still hurt when you got nothing for everything you had.

you don’t like the reminder, but you know you need it. you know how destroying it is to forget. you’ve tried being with him already and it didn’t work. you say this to them, whispered, as if ashamed.

you don’t even feel the tears sliding down your check as you say this.

dorcas’ smile dropped and pandora immediately sat down beside you.

“hey, you know it won’t be like that again.” pandora rubbing your shoulders.

“do i?” you rasped. “what’s so different about now than before? what’s to stop us from breaking up again?”

“it’s going to be different because you are different, and so is he.” dorcas said. “you were just teenagers, you barely knew yourselves back then. you weren’t ready for each other yet. he had issues to work out, and you had to grow up a little to understand that.”

you sniffled, “and you think we’re ready.”

“yes,” they all said.

dorcas reaching over and squeezing your hand, “i know you’re both ready.”

you shake your head, you don’t know if that’s true, “our forced proximity lasted longer than our actually relationship. and it’s only lasted this long because it’s just that—forced.”

pandora shook her head, dangling earrings clinking together. “that’s not true. it’s lasted this long because you wanted it to. you both wanted it to.”

evan nodded, smothering his cigarette butt and throwing it outside, “i, personally, wouldn’t want to spend any second with any of my exes, but you both didn’t even try finding any sort of solution to break the promise.”

barty gives you an awkward smile, as evan continues “if you had wanted to call it quits you would’ve found a way to end all of this the moment he had broken up with you. but you didn’t—“

“that’s because i couldn’t—“

“don’t lie,” regulus cut in, pouting, looking a bit like a petulant child. “we all know you could have found something in this ridiculously large library of yours.”

“why are you suddenly advocating for sirius and i to get back together again?”

regulus clicked his tongue, looking away. a slight flush on his cheeks. “i’m not advocating anything.” he huffs. “he’s an idiot who doesn’t deserve you. but if it’s sirius that ultimately makes you happy. then so be it.”

you swallow a lump, breathing a staggering breath, “i don’t know if he even—“

“he does.” regulus looking at you, eyes clear and sure. “he wouldn’t be so cross with me for setting you up with dates if he doesn’t.”

that same night, sirius, for once, was not summoned by you but of a call from regulus.

he already feels the natural flare of irritation, bracing himself for another round of teasing hums and provoking stories about how you’re on a date in an exclusive restaurant, with a bloke who’s ready to give you everything you need.

standing up from james’ couch, going to the kitchen to block the noise from the muggle telley, as remus called it. then accepting the call,

“i swear if you’re calling just to gloat about another conquest you’ve put her through then—“

“she needs you.” regulus slurred.

feeling an immediate spike in his heartbeat. already grabbing his jacket and hurrying to the front door to leave.

“we’re in a pub, bring your motorbike or something, she can’t apparate right now, too drunk.”

“i’ll be there in 10.” grabbing remus’ keys off a bowl in the entrance.

“oi, where the hell are you taking my car?” remus shrieked from the couch.

without looking back, “she needs me.”

peter whines from the living room, “but the game-!”

and he only slams the door close as a response.

“we’re in the east village, near a fountain.” regulus sluggishly explained before hanging up.

sirius wasn’t the best driver. in hindsight, he probably should have asked remus to drive him to you. but this was about you. he could hardly think about anything else when it comes to you. he would do anything for you, binding promise or not.

he found it particularly odd and extremely worrying, why you’re drinking on a thursday night. he knew you couldn’t handle your alcohol well, always ending up drinking too much and passing out.

considering regulus had to call him to come get you didn’t help his nerves as he drove faster than the limit allowed.

when he arrived expecting the worse, he found himself smiling at the sight of you.

you were laying your head on regulus lap as you both sat on the bench. he can hear barty and pandora trying to lift each other. dorcas and evan cheering them on.

but all he can see is you laying there. eyes closed and cheeks darkly flushed, dress splaying over your thighs. regulus smoothing your hair, lulling you to sleep. when he met his brother’s eyes. the younger black rolled his eyes and beckoned him over.

“took you long enough.” regulus grumbled, now sounding sober than when he called.

“is she okay?” sirius asks, crouching down and staring at your sleeping face for any signs of discomfort or pain.

regulus sighs, “just got a bit carried away, this one. she was… upset tonight so we let her have her fun an—“

“upset?” sirius cuts, couldn’t help the finger tracing your cheek and jaw. your nose twitching at his action. “why was she upset?”

regulus waves his hand, making vague gestures but offering no explanation. sirius frowns.

“i can take her home,” standing up, now as he calls out to the others. “does anybody else need a ride?”

all four heads, shook their heads and offered varying words of thanks. “you reggie?”

“don’t bother, i’m perfectly capable.” he tuts. “be careful of that metal beast.”

with slow movements, sirius slides his arms under your neck and the back of your thighs. making sure your dress stay tucked and you comfortably napping before lifting you up.

once lifted, your head turns to the crevice of his neck, burying your nose and breathing in deep. wrapping your own arms around his neck with practiced ease and familiarity.

his heart thrumming and slowing all the same. he likes you like this, so close to him and looking so content as you do now.

nodding his goodbyes to the others, as he walks to the car again. opening the car door proved to be a challenge what with an armful of you. but he managed to do so without jostling you too much. he didn’t want to wake you, but such actions proved to be futile as the moment you were placed in the passenger seat, you froze awake.

he tries to appease you with a gentle smile, brushing your hair behind your ear. “hi love, i’m getting you home today, is that alright?”

“siri?” you rasp, looking at him like he wasn’t real. his chest pounding as he sees your eyes glossing and shining with unshed tears. he immediately crouch down in front of you, grabbing of your hands, and peppering soft kisses on your knuckles.

“what is it, my love, why are you crying?”

“you’re here?”

he nodded, kissing your knuckles again. “i’m here.”

you said nothing, just staring at him. looking so lost and tearful. he feels a little guilty thinking you to be heart-clenchingly adorable, right now. looking so soft and precious, the urge to stay the night in the parking lot and just stare at you was strong but he knows he has to take you home, else you get sick.

he thought you were to say nothing else. so, he stood to close the door and head to the driver’s seat but you whined. tugging at his hand still in your clasp and pull him to you. tucking his head into your neck and burying your hand in his hair.

this is entering dangerous territories now, he thinks. one he very much like to continue venturing but he knows you weren’t sound of mind right now. so he refrains from touching you anymore than he has. his hands desperately clutching to the cold, hard car, substituting for your soft, pretty skin.

you whine, “don’t go.”

“‘m not going anywhere, baby. i’m just going to the seat next to you.” he mumbled, his lips agonizingly grazing your skin, he ignores the way your body shivers and the filthy thoughts that come with it. his hands gripping the car tighter.

“next to me?”

“yes, next to you.”

you eventually let him go, but not without constant coaxing.

he drives, slow and steady. avoiding potholes and uneven roads. you fell asleep again, from the slow, quiet drive and the soft, mellow music coming from the radio.

then sooner than he had liked, he parks in front of your house. he kills the engine and he whispers his calls to you. not sure whether he wants you awake to be feeling okay enough to walk or asleep so he can touch you again.

he moves when you stay quiet, doing everything he can to keep you from waking up. letting out a soft hiss each time a creak or a thump echoes in your quiet house.

when he finally, finally reaches your bedroom and lays you there, he’s quick to take off your shoes. then the realization of his next move taunts him. although, you looked very pretty with your dress, he doesn’t know if he should change your clothes into something more comfortable for you.

he knew an intense hungover when he sees one. getting up to change clothes isn’t pleasant with a raging headache. he stares at your laying figure. the thin strap of your dress slipped down, and your legs looking longer than he remembers.

he looks away before he sees anymore. it didn’t feel right, looking at you that way. especially whilst unconscious.

he open your dresser, knowing the drawer you keep your pajamas.

he sees a familiar, more faded than he remembers, shirt he always wore. the thought of you wearing his clothes makes him too happy and giddy for an adult man.

he fights his heart from beating too loudly. afraid you’ll hear. bites his lips to stop his giddy grin, and forces his eyes to focus on his search. but eventually did land on his old shirt and some long bottoms so you’d be warm.

he slid the bottoms first. careful not to touch your skin but very much feeling the heat of your thigh. he held his breath as he reached the curve of your bum. stopping and not knowing what to do next. with one arm he lifts you slightly off the bed. and with his eyes clenched tight, fast and frantic hands—holding his breath as he went to pull it up.

next was his your shirt. he had you sit up, head laying heavy on his shoulders. softly pulling back from you to slip the shirt over your head before letting you lean into him again. guiding your arms and pulling the soft tee down.

with a bated breath, he feels for the zipper at the back of your dress.

fingers touching and sliding over your back. the touch leaving a lingering static in his fingers. when he clutched the thin tiny thing, he slide it down. slowly, careful not to pinch your skin.

he hears you sigh from relief, letting himself smile, knowing he did a good job.

he lets you lay back down, properly this time, slip off your dress, cleans your face with a warm wet face towel.

he knows he should go. he knows to let you get your rest and sleep. knows he should return remus’ car. knows the lads are probably waiting for him. but there is no urge to leave. instead he stares at your clean bare face, the soft lines and pretty marks on your face just adds more to your allure.

he didn’t know how long he stared at you. it could’ve been a minute to a full hour, too busy studying your face, seeing all the new marks and the familiar ones, committing them to memory.

he was about to leave, lest he bothers you and wake you up. but you stirred.

stretching as you did so. and blearily stared at him. expectant and quiet.

your voice hoarse but genuine all the same. “it’s late..” he knew what you mean. the unspoken invitation, just like last time.

and he wants to—god he wants to.

“i can’t baby,” you were drunk, he wasn’t. it wouldn’t be fair.

“you’re leaving again?”

that did him in, slumping down on the bed. rubbing your outer thigh through your covers. “i’ll stay then, just rest.”

“but you’ll just leave me like last time.” you mumbled.

he gives you a lopsided smile, apologetic and painfully endeared all the same, “i had to, my love, i had work.”

“no,” you breathed, softly shaking your head, letting out a staggering breath like you were going to cry. “i meant the first time.” you whispered.

it was shameful the way he slowly realized what you had meant. you didn’t sound angry or bitter. or even resentful even if you had all the rights to.

he didn’t respond. letting your words stew in his mind. the quiet in the entire house emphasized by the ringing in his ears. he didn’t know what to say.

what words you were waiting for him to say. what words he can say to make it all better.

he didn’t even know you still think about that. still thinking about your relationship, and what had happened, and why it ended the way it did.

still thinking about it like him, who sometimes find it difficult to sleep thinking about you and the pain he caused you. the regret heavy in his veins like lead.

he should apologize, probably beg or grovel about the way it ended.

he was about to.

but he hears your soft breathing again. the stillness in your body, only sleep can make that he realizes he’s lost his chance.

again.

he rubbed your thighs, still. hoping to lull you into a deeper sleep. he grabbed a glass of cold water and put a statis charm so it would stay cool. he petted your hair, and caressed your cheek. it was painful, and he struggled. but he eventually left. feeling the same amount of fulfilled and disappointment altogether.

it was the next morning where sirius was beckoned again, this time not by a call from his baby brother but by the usual pull of your magic. he had expected as much, even fixed up his hair and wore fresh clean clothes and even put on perfume.

he did it whenever he could. in case you were to need him.

he even has a couple of hungover potion in his pocket just in case.

when he got summoned, popping into your familiar bedroom like the nights and mornings before. he was greeted with you still buried under the covers, eyebrows scrunched and eyes already open. you looked like you’ve been awake for some time now, but still refused to move.

you looked so tired and groggy and so soft and warm and homely and pretty.

someone with a hungover shouldn’t look as good as you did. but you are. he ignores the flutters in his stomach, tightening into a coil and puts on an easy smile.

“good morning dizzy girl.” he sing songs. plopping down on your bed, making sure to bounce you a little as he did.

you groan some more, turning away from him, holding your head.

he softly laughs. reaching over to smooth out your hair, “did you drink water?”

“hn.”

he took that as a no.

“up you go, c’mon. drink, you’ll feel better.” he grabs the glass. still filled full and cool like last night.

sliding his rough hands under your neck and the other to your back. slowly sitting you up so you can drink. you give little to no protest at all at his touch and considers this a win. his lips feeling a little wobbly as he fights a smile.

you took a small sip and then a larger gulp, sighing after finishing the whole glass.

“i also have a hangover potion and a headache one that lily made, so you know it’s good—“

“you left again.” you rasped, a small frown on your pretty face, still turned away from him.

he stops.

it suddenly dawns on him how you’ve yet to look at him, or greet him like you do when he always appears. he chalked it up to you being hungover or the highly probable headache you must have. not sulking, or possible moping over the fact that he hadn’t waited for you until morning.

he feels his heart take up larger room than normal in his chest. the loud thrumming under his veins as his magic comes to life, the burning desire of it all, the ringing in his ears, his pulse loud and the heat coming to his face.

you weren’t playing fair.

“i’m sorry,” he whispers, scooting near you. reaching out to wrap his arms around your shoulders, then lightly tugging you to him, to lean on him like you did the night before. it was through his absolute delight that you let him.

giving him the courage to continue his ministrations.

“you said you’d stay.” you softly whined, voice muffled by his neck. your hands gripping his shirt.

so unfair.

he’s fully hugging you now. he tries to fight the sigh that threatens to come out of his mouth from having you in his arms again.

he hadn’t expected for you to remember last night, what with constantly falling asleep. he should’ve prepared for it though.

“i’m sorry.” he repeats. this more graver than the last. this apology carrying more weight and more reason, when he remembers your last question.

“you always leave.” he feels something wet touch his neck. his hearts clench, the image of your tears too clear for him. “always leaving me.”

he tries to lean back to get a good look on you but once you felt him move away, you tightened your grip. now wrapping your own arms around his waist. sirius doesn’t know how to feel. suddenly wrapped in your warmness and the familiar feeling and the guilt that you’re crying over him.

again.

causing you pain, again.

“i know, i’m sorry.” he hates that it’s all he can say. hates he can’t say anything else.

so you ask, “why?”

why?

he knows what you’re asking isn’t about why he’s sorry for leaving. he knows you’re asking something else. one withheld from you from the very beginning.

why do keep calling me nicknames?

why do keep touching me?

why do i feel this way?

why can’t you stay?

why did you leave?

why didn’t you love me back?

there’s a lot of answers he’s withheld from you but he starts from the one heavy on his mind.

he suddenly wonders if you’ve been left wondering too.

if it keeps you up at night, and having no one to answer it. if it eats you up and if you regret being with him, the same way he regrets ever leaving you.

“i didn’t think that— you would want me to stay, after what i did. i didn’t dare myself to even think you could still want me— or even be around my presence at all.” he says this quiet and so close to your ear.

you let him go now, leaning against the bed post instead.

sirius instantly wishing for you to come back into his arms again, but he refrains.

“you thought i didn’t want you?”

“who would?” he laughs, albeit a bit self-deprecating but hoping you’ll take it as a joke. you only frown. “sirius, of course i would still want you. you’re the best thing that happened to me.” your eyes looked so clear then, so sure.

so sure it burns him.

“but i hurt you. i caused you pain, i’ve disappointed you again and again—“

“you didn’t disappoint me.” you grab his hands, your touch still so soft like he remembers it. “i was hurt, yes, but that wasn’t your fault. it was my own fault for giving you more than what you were comfortable with.”

he shook his head, frowning hard. “don’t do that.”

“what?”

“be understanding,” he laughs, incredulous. “taking responsibility for me being a shitty boyfriend to you for being a complete arse to you.”

“you did what you could. what with everything you went through?”

he turns away, but you grab his face with your other hand, and tilts his chin up.

“all the things you’ve had to endure? i know you try to hide your struggles with it all. but i see you. i see all the things, all the extra steps you have to take to become better than what your parents set you out for. and now look at you, making it out on your own. making new friends, no trace of the anger and bitterness they tried so hard to embed in you. i loved you for it all, and i understood why you couldn’t, even if it hurt. because that’s how people love. you love someone even if they have all the capabilities to hurt you more than anything in the world— and i have loved you for so long. and i might’ve not understood this when we were younger, but i do now. i wasn’t asking for apologies because i’ve long forgiven you for everything in the past. but i wanted to know what it is you felt. why you felt the need to hide the reasons from me.”

he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

you let his face go. but he grabs it. incasing your hand in his.

mind sticking to one thing he feared.

loved?

has he lost his chance again?

have you deemed him unnecessary?

“you don’t—?” he sighs, stopping himself, that wasn’t important right now. especially not if you were looking at him, looking so patient.

he started slow, contemplative if he can articulate it well enough for you to understand. “i didn’t think i could ever be capable of love, or be anyone you could ever want and need. because you’re amazing. when you said you loved me for the first time, i thought i was dooming you. my family. my circumstances. i thought i was going to ruin you and i couldn’t live with the thought of doing that to you. so i thought that leaving would be for the best. i tried to leave. tried and convinced myself it was for you. that i had to let you go for you. but i couldn’t do it. selfish as it is, i couldn’t let you go.

“i even found a way to stop the bind, but thinking that my last connection with you would be gone, and you would forget about me—have a life without me there, i couldn’t. because, because i love you. i have loved you from the moment you smiled at me. it terrified me, how much i love you and how much i was willing to do anything for you. i love you more than i could ever understand and i’m sorry if i couldn’t say it that time, i’m sorry if this is a bit late, but i love being needed by you. i love being around you. i-i need you, more than you could ever need me.”

he didn’t notice the tears spilling to his cheeks before you wiped it away for him.

your eyes looking so soft.

“you love me?” you breathed.

as if it was unbelievable.

as if it wasn’t possible.

sirius hates himself a little more at the thought he might have caused some insecurity for you.

because it was ridiculous.

“i love you.” and like a broken record, he repeats it. again and again and again. much firmer than the last.

and you smile, so big and beautiful. and your eyes shining and so pretty. it was like the sun was shining so much brighter that day. like the clouds were opening up in the sky and bathing you in a golden glow.

he repeats it again, because he’s spent so many years holding himself back. and if your reaction is the same every time he says it then he’ll say it everyday. with every sentence, with every greeting, with every meal you cook for him. with every night he picks you up from a pub absolutely sloshed. with every irritating conversation he has with his baby brother. with every teasing quips from the lads. with every secret smile you give him. every time he touches you, every time he looks at you. because gods, don’t you look absolutely magnificent and unbelievable right now.

“i love you,” he repeats.

“i love you too.” you laugh. like your smile was getting too wide and too happy that you had to laugh.

and his heart soars. couldn’t stop himself even if he tried, as he leans in and captures your lips like he’s done so many times before.

thinking himself a proper idiot if he ever thought he could ever live without touching your lips ever again.

he touches your face like he did the night before. he grabs your waist like he always does. and he tilts your heads like a time before. he tastes a salty thing as your tears slides near his lips and he relishes in its taste.

he feels the warmth spreading to his entire face and body. feels the humming of his magic intertwining with yours. your soft mouth moving against him. and the stretch of your lips, smiling into the kiss.

he pulls away even if he didn’t want to.

“i love you,” he says again, and you smile at him so sweetly.

he repeats it because of your pretty smile.

and again. because he can.

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