#pandemic crush

[will80sbyers]

I met so many people these past years and I still don't have anybody to have an actual real crush on like what is up with this world how is this possible

#no bc I'm seriously asking myself if I became aro somehow #is that even possible #I didn't have crushes easily even before but still #not this much rarely #idk #is this Pandemic trauma ???? #wth

[h0t-p1nk-ch33tah-pr1nt]

Also this man.

Yall sleep on him idk what u guys are on

#kat text #listing off all the guys i like 2nite #but where all my nsr heads at #bc yall are gonna see me gush abt this man #major like pandemic crush KABSKSEOW #🥁

[deaths]

i tried to think of what i was doing in 2020 when covid happened but i literally just had a unhealthy crush on my coworker for all of 2020 for the most part. 😐

#i had a crush on him already I think the possibility and stress of the pandemic while working at a hospital drove me insane

[pentanguine]

Does anyone else ever get the sudden yen to move to Wisconsin?

#every few years i'm just seized by the urge to give it all up and move to madison #there are several reasons for this (went on a vacation there in high school and liked it; considered grad school there; #middle school crush moved there just before the pandemic and i had a 'what if' moment) #but as you'll notice none of them are good ones #i do not think i would ever actually do this #it's very cold there and i almost froze my fingers off getting groceries this morning in a less extreme climate #it's quite far from my family and friends on the east coast especially the southeast #there's simply nothing drawing me there in a realistic way #but every time i plop down there on google maps it just feels like home #personal #and also the beach?? the mountains?? i do not believe there are either in the vicinity #i know angry people from landlocked locations are going to find me and say 'the lakes!! how can you not count the lakes!!' #but i have been to lakes and oceans and unfortunately there is a difference

[butchcharliee]

.

#i wish i could go be a lesbian out in the world and meet other lesbians and be lesbian:/ #i realized i was a lesbian during the pandemic so i wasnt social during those times #i wanna go crush on girls irl :<

[bornetoblood]

an Ask for ye; i see you have goro akechi on your character bingo. as someone who would probably put him on mine, i want to hear your goro thoughts

My Goro thoughts largely stem from the fact I played Royal on release (after having played based p5 also on release) and that game came out at a very specific moment in my life. March 2020 was when I was juuuust starting to figure out my gender properly and having a lot of sudden gaymotions for this little prick of a detective was a weirdly big part in that.

I remember watching the scene where Joker “finds” the glove Aketchi threw at him in his pocket and it legitimately making me tear up fr. It’s so melodramatic I love it.

On a less serious note I’m just really into characters who are very fucked up but have a very likeable public facing persona. Aaah the joy I felt when he started yelling those edgy lines in Maruki’s palace is unrivalled. I also love both his silly little mementos outfits and I’m a sucker for when Altas actually kills their characters (maybe, in this case).

He’s the type of character I love who I found at juuust the right time in my life for him to take root in my brain.

#it definitely helps that persona 5 is just a very very good game that I got complete absorbed into when the pandemic hit #but yeh I like aketchi a lot Cus he was kinda the first character I had a crush on where I was aware it was a gay thing #which is important to me #also I like fucked up and evil guys and I like how the game humanises that aspect of him without excusing it #or maybe I’m #giving Altas too much credit there lmao #I say that with 0 malice I literally like Catherine and that game has soooooo much more. wrong with it #Vincent was meant to go on the bingo actually but I didn’t want anyone asking me to defend that I like Catharine (Cus I can’t really) #anyway thanks for the ask!! i haven’t really though about p5 in a while so this was nice #the rat speaks #asks #tinygigas #persona 5 #persona 5 royal #goro aketchi

[caffeinatedopossum]

Doctors be like "have you experienced a major life event recently", not considering the possibility that every event in my life has been major so honestly nothing feels important from my perspective

#like last time they asked me this im pretty sure i had just moved states cut off contact with most of my family #turned 18 discovered i was chronically ill and disabled AND was just going to doctors for the first time in my life #despite my crushing anxiety of being anywhere in front of anyone #im pretty sure i have/had agoraphobia but ive never been evaluated for it #i just feel absolutely terrified being in public especially any new places or being alone outside at all #like i cant go places alone but that was what i was doing anyway for doctors appointments #because oh yeah this was during covid too lmao #i kinda forgot because once again nothing seems all that important me #like global pandemic? cool cool can i get some severe isolation with this life threatening virus too? awesome #also yeah covid is still a thing but people dont care anymore #oh yeah i had also just lost my pets and my religion and all of my religious friends. this is the type of stuff i forget #what even counts as a major life event anymore #i think if i was to become homeless get hospitalized or my gf died. those are the only three things i can think of that would shake me rn #nvm there are more now because im thinking about it lol i just think those three are more likely scenarios

[sugaronmytonguedotmp3]

happy 40th birthday to this album

#i got back into talking heads after a depressive funk and this was like THE song to me #and getting back into talking heads helped me get through the pandemic blues #did not intend to get a weird old man crush because of it but lifes better now i guess #anyways #Spotify

[wickershells]

God I am so debilitatingly sad and alone I don’t know how to deal with it all again. Just endlessly miserable

#vent incoming you know the drill. scroll scroll scroll #my periods of silence are getting inescapable i am struggling to hold conversations and see things as they are #i really dont know what to do with myself i feel useless and spent. and i dont want to talk because nothing changes anyway #i cant stop wasting all my years. so much of my youth spent doing nothing being nowhere with no one #i wish i was exaggerating but if you didnt know i developed agoraphobia at 18 (pandemic). it has taken so much from me lol #including pretty much every friendship i had. and what few vestiges of my sanity were left. maybe i should go back on my meds #but how many times am i gonna do that. go off and on and off and on meds #it’s so sad because i’ve done almost nothing with my life and the crushing weight of that causes me to continue to do nothing and i could #break the cycle at any point but i don’t because the pain and guilt of having not broken the cycle and not being worth anything is soooo #exhausting. more than anything i’m exhausted all of the time. but i don’t feel like i deserve to be exhausted because again --almost nothin #i pray to god you guys filter me out by now. now that i have discord again i should do that thing where i vent to myself in a lone channel #being severely mentally ill is so embarrassing like i knowww i knowwwww it’s all in my head. and yet #mine

[strangesibyl]

I’m really into the 14th century

Here on some John Ball quotes from about 1381

“Matters cannot go well in England, nor ever will, until all things shall be held in common, when there shall be neither vassals nor lords, when the lords shall be no more masters than ourselves.”

Another one for your consideration

“When Adam delved and Eve span, who was then the gentleman? From the beginning all men by nature were created alike, and our bondage or servitude came in by the unjust oppression of naughty men. For if God would have had any bondmen from the beginning, he would have appointed who should be bond, and who free. And therefore I exhort you to consider that now the time is come, appointed to us by God, in which ye may (if ye will) cast off the yoke of bondage, and recover liberty.”

#personal #nothing new under the sun #we really are just crushed under this unending cycle over and over again #it’s wild #of course the wave of liberation movements and peasant revolts happen after the global pandemic #this has happened multiple times

[sophism]

mentally I'm still in 2019

#and im at the library doing my constitutional law reading #listening to dark side of the moon > apollo xxi > norman fucking rockwell #i feel like the hard part is finally over and my life is about to change and feel so much lighter #i have started therapy and working hard and it's going really well for me #i have grown a lot this year and i still feel aspirational and i haven't had all my hopes and dreams crushed by a pandemic #trying to get into this mindset again lololololol

[custer-mp3]

just remembered i have to go to a birthday party after close tomorrow

#REALLY LOVE THE ADDED LAYER OF HAVING TO NAVIGATE SOCIAL SITUATIONS AS THE ONLY CRIPPLE IN THE GROUP WHEN I AM ACTUALLY IN NO SORT OF STATE #TO BE GOING ANYWHERE MUCH LESS DOING AN ACTIVITY THAT REQUIRES BEING UPRIGHT #like it just makes me not wanna go anywhere like i'm already having a flare. i'm already miserable cuz of the brain fog + im in pain. and #now i'm expected to be FUN & ENGAGING???? WHILE ALSO BEING THE ONLY PERSON WORRYING ABOUT PERSONAL COVID PROTECTION. IN A GROUP THAT INCL #UDES SOMEONE WHO'S ON DAY 5 OF COVID. LIKE. COOL #i can't NOT GO it's my v sweet trans nd coworker like she would be crushed if i did not go cuz she thinks i'm so cool & fun but also #goddamn. i haven't even STARTED tmrw yet & i already wanna be home wrapped in blankies and heating pads like i'm already done w tmrw tonite #also like i'm getting rill sick of how all my coworkers decided PANDEMIC'S OVER!!!! and keep dragging covid into the store ecosystem #LIKE CLEARLY NOT IF A DIFFERENT ONE OF Y'ALL IS OUT WITH IT EVERY WEEK #meanwhile i'm still 24/7 hacking up mucus so hard i puke or brown out like i have been since DECEMBER when one of them gave me Not Covid DW #truly even that is like. debilitatingly exhausting. gasping for air all the time cuz i'm choking on wads of thick sticky mucus is SO TIRING #like it makes my job 2000% harder cuz it interferes with my ability to speak normally & trying to do my job generates these huge heaving #coughing fits i can't catch my breath from

[youareinlove]

if one thing had been different, would everything be different today?

#listening to the 1 and thinking about what my life would've been like in sooooo many situations #like if the pandemic never happened i'd probably be on track to be a fashion designer and dating my 6th grade crush #if my situationship had worked out i'd. be in a relationship. #weird stuff #.txtpost

[aeide-thea]

the eternal, humiliating cycle of like. coming out of the gate too aggressive. talking yrself down. coming out of the gate too aggressive. talking yrself down. etc.

though frankly it's hard because i do actually think we normalize a lot of fucked up shit that is actually reasonable to get angry about! but like. what's the right balance with aggression. it's basically always more dignified not to get into things but is dignity always the most important thing. one suspects not but like. equally is one achieving anything with one's aggression that's worth the sacrifice of dignity. one also suspects not.

easy 2 conclude i should just never stick my oar in but like. if i don't participate in the world i might as well be dead so. idk idk! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#apologies 2 be eternally obliqueblogging but this is about a different thing #it's just like. same fundamental issue cropping up over and over again bc unresolved! #and there may well not be a single answer tbh—often social things are contextual #idk. i feel like i used to be at least a little socially functional and the pandemic really has ruined me #now i'm just out here clumsily navigating interactions/conversations and feeling immediate rsd about it #whatever the absolute opposite of esprit de l'escalier is #like i think the problem is that i DO want to be kind and persuasive and both those ends are generally best accomplished via calm #but also fundamentally crushing my own instinctive reactions in order to achieve a socially-acceptable front is like. #my upbringing all over again #and idk how to like. be a good kind person without also just reenacting my own. trauma i guess basically #like i WAS kind of a pompous pushy dick as a kid if we're being honest #so maybe this is better #but. idk! presumably there's a happy medium somewhere but i'm having trouble accessing it #i feel like i need a bird's-eye view of my own affect in order to like. evaluate myself. selfie stick but for behavior #anyway. good morning lol

[jeonghanurl]

part of me is like "oh sweetheart disney pride-merch is literally the least radical pride merch you can own" but most of me is like. gun? with pride merch? because like. noone thinks gun is straight, but he doesn't really ever talk about it and of course he doesn't, he already gets type cast as cute twink, he doesn't want to make it worse. plus the obvious losing fans (even though I have to believe most gun-fans wouldn't care or be surprised) and being all over the news for something that's personal and of course actual concerns for safety. but look at him now! with a little gayass plushie. he's so brave. I am babygirlifying him but I don't think he would mind. he babygirlifies himself all the time.

#flashbacks to pre-pandemic me who thought I had 'gotten too old' for full on delusional celebrity crushes' #look at me now crying about some guy on the other side of the world because I think I 'get' him lmao I have to laugh

[galariangengar]

💭

#hhha ha…. of course of fucking course this would happen to me #welp just found out on Instagram that the guy I had a crush on my last year of college and even made moves on #he posted on his Instagram story today of a Polaroid of him and a girl with a heart emoji…. guess that’s his new girlfriend 🙃… #I mean yea it took me some time but I did eventually get over him #but mostly cuz the pandemic started half way through our final semester of college #but I did dm him before we started spring break basically asking him out to coffee which still to this day he never saw… #and i could live with the fact that I did try/I got the guts/encouragement to make some moves on him #tbh I still did kinda like him this whole time but knew I shouldn’t bother trying #and also I haven’t been doing well in several aspects for the past couple years since graduating & pandemic #… it hurts… it does hurt seeing him with a girl… but… idk… #I’ll need a day or two to get over it #ha… I’m crying a little but it’s cuz of all the other stressful shit going on and that is what pushed me to the edge… #jazz uses curse! 💜