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ummmlife · 7 months

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Yandere!Nanami as your boyfriend

now before we start you have to understand that the darkest and twisted part of my heart belongs to this concept of Nanami. This takes place in an alternative universe where Akutami got along with Nanami's original design as a curse user.

this man just had enough with his life as a salaryman and one day he murdered all his coworkers and boss. so this is where his whole personality changed.

Haibara's death, Geto's choosing to be a curse user before him, the higher-ups and their shit, Nanami simply had enough. he stops minding what people could think (since he's basically a crimal with a death sentence on) and surrendered to his most sicking and deepest desires.

now when it comes to you, Nanami met you after his transformation. if he had a partner before, he could have never become a criminal. this Nanami isn't the Nanami we know and love, he's worse, he already killed hundreds of people so why could he be a normal and mentally stable partner?

said that, please beware of:

Warning! ; Yandere!Nanami , nsfw (mdni) , violence and abuse , nc , obsessive and abusive behavior (from Nanami) , physical and psychological abuse , very dark themes , afab reader , evil Nanamin rawr. i swear, this isn't nice at all, so if you're sensitive, please avoid reading

When Nanami saw you walking alone to your home on a cold Thursday night after a long day of work/study, he simply couldn't take his eyes from you. How weird, this is the first time he has this kind of need.

Nanami slowly started to walk behind you, keeping a distance of two blocks as you kept walking.

Finally, when you turned to a very lonely neighborhood to shortcut your way home, he walked faster and held you from behind, making sure to cover your mouth, — "Shh, shh, shh… Don't make a noise, I'm not planning to hurt you".

Even though Nanami is a, now very sadist and evil man, he keeps his gentleness intact… in his own way.

— "Don't you like it? I bought these specially for you, my dear". Nanami kidnapped you, fortunately he hasn't abused you (yet), he just tries to force you to believe that you're in a relationship with him. Now he has bought a new pair of handcuffs, hinged metal handcuffs. He just wants to make sure you don't run away.

He keeps you in a dark room with a single mattress on the floor and a monitor to watch you. If it wasn't because of the context, Nanami could be the most passionate and romantic man that you could ask for, but he's your kidnapper and you are in a situation of life and death.

That one time you decided to talk back to him you got beaten up in a very nasty way. — "I'm sorry, my pet. But you need to understand that my word is the last one and you shouldn't talk back to me". He didn't even bother to clean the blood from your face or the tears of your eyes that day.

Are you into nudism? No? Oh well, you better start being a nudism enthusiast! Nanami could keep you naked, why would you need clothes anyway? He likes to grope your body and kiss you everywhere, especially after a long day of working with Geto (yes, he's with Geto). — "Hmm… Your skin is so soft, my love. Ah! No, no, no, don't try to fight back. You know that I owe you, this little cunt is all mine".

Now here is where things get bad for you. If you thought that Nanami could never want to use you to please his "special needs" you thought wrong. Yes, Nanami could fuck you even without your consent, he's a massive murdered, he doesn't need your permission or pleasure to feel good, in fact, he likes your face of distress and fear when he starts abusing your holds.

— "Hah… That's it…". This man the devil himself when he gets to fuck you, the only lub he needs it's your (forced) cum after he eats you out, and if he doesn't, oh well, I hope you be a masochist. — "Hmm! Are you crying already? Haha, oh dear, I'm just starting here. I'm gonna fuck this tiny cunt until you pass out again".

Of course, all of this is your fault. It's your fault that you're here with him, it's your fault for walking alone at night, it's your fault for being so freaking beautiful for him.

Nanami is terrifying. Even if you get some kind of Stockholm syndrome, you'll live terrified of him.

Let's say that you behave very well for him, accepting every single kind of abuse he has given you and even loving him back. He won't let you leave his apartment, but you now can walk around it and even sleep with him at night. Now you can even wear clothes! Of course, with no underwear underneath, he needs easy access to your pussy after all.

Even seeing you trying to look outside the window enrages him. He can't bear the possibility of another man wanting you, that's why he kidnapped you, after all, to keep you for him and him only. So that time when you attempted to escape and he caught you, he put the handcuffs on your wrist again and locked you in that dark and cold room again, as a punishment. — "You're mine. If you ever try to run away again, I'll beat you to death".

This man has brainwashed your mind after all these months to make you believe that you have no other choice but to be with him. He knows about your family and has threatened you to kill them if you ever leave him.

— "What if for our anniversary I give your womb a baby? Hmm? Couldn't you like it?". He's being serious, he wants a family with you. — "Oh, I know you don't want any children, dear, I know. But you have to understand that it could make me really happy, don't you want your boyfriend to be happy? What kind of girlfriend could you be if you don't make me happy?"

It's not like you could say no. If you decide to oppose he will beat you up and r word you, so be smart and accept to let him breed you.

— "You're so wet tonight, dear… Fuck, so fucking wet for me". With no other option left, you feel how Nanami is stretching your pussy with his (massive cof cof) dick. The best way to conceive a baby is in mating press, so Nanami is on top of you, with his tongue deep inside your mouth for a sloppy kiss as he's pounding all his cum to your uterus. — "Hah, darling! You're taking me so well, you have been milking me for hours now. Haha! I'm not done yet, I'm gonna get you pregnant tonight". His determination is kinda scary at his point, he's getting you and himself more than overstimulating as he cums for the 3rd time tonight. — "You're gonna look so lovely carrying my baby in your belly. Mhm, just thinking about it makes me hard again".

Getting pregnant or not, you now have to accept your new life. Any concept of freedom or a happy life has been already erased from your mind, now you can only try to bear with your new reality.

Yandere!Nanami is this sickeningly and abusive man. The one who privated you of your freedom, starves you from time to time, isolated you, abused you and forced you to make a family with him. You were so damn pretty that night when he found you, he couldn't just lose his opportunity, and only hell knows how happy he is to have found you.

good that our Nanami isn't like this at all, right? i'll write something sane and lovely about my man another day ‹𝟹

#nanami headcanons #nanami smut #jjk nanami #jjk x reader #nanami kento smut #nanami kento #kento nanami #yandere nanami #yandere!nanami #nanami x reader #jujutsu nanami #. bibi's writing

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thewulf · 9 months

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Pretty Girl || Aaron Hotchner

Summary: So, the request/idea is an Aaron Hotchner x F!Reader where the reader is actually a criminology or psychology professor and is good friends with Spencer... Read Rest Here

A/N: Loosely based on one of my favorite story lines because I sat here for an hour trying to come up with a good enough story that’d stump Reid and failed. Mosely Lane. Doesn't get fluffy until the end. Hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Y/N

Word Count: 5.4k +

Dismissing the class for the weekend you sat back at your desk in the front of the auditorium strumming away at the keyboard. You heard the clapping before you saw him. Eyes crinkling a touch you smiled brilliantly at your longtime friend.

“Another excellent lecture Professor.” He grinned at you.

“Spencer!” You laughed shooting out of your seat hugging the tall lanky man tightly, “To what do I owe this visit to?” You asked after breaking apart from the hug.

His face shifted from one of joy to a downcast expression, “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t serious.” He sighed taking a seat on your desk, “We need some help.”

You nodded listening, “Go on.”

He looked down as if he was ashamed to ask for help. As if he should’ve been good enough to solve it. But nobody was perfect. Sometimes cases can get away from you. You’ve had it happen once when every decision you made was the wrong one. It was always awful when you realized you might’ve made a mistake that got somebody killed.

“Kids. They’re just kids.” His voice wobbled as he looked back up to you. You felt your heart clench at the voice crack, “Another child was found off the Potomac just north of here.”

Your cocked your eyebrow in curiosity, “A local case? How many children?” You asked quickly hopping from professor to profiler in your mind.

He drew a deep breath, “Ten.”

Your eyes widened, “Over how long?” That was a lot of murdered kids. Who in their sick minds could do something like that? You’d been around a lot of sick people in your years in criminology, but this was already coming to the top of the twisted pile. Killing kids was another level of sick you despised coming across.

“A year and a few months.”

Your eyes bugged even further, “Christ.”

He nodded solemnly tossing the case file down on your desk. He watched as you meticulously poured over everything the team had put together in two weeks. You hummed and hawed as you fingers ran across the pages. Reading everything.

“These poor babies.” You let out an equally defeated sigh looking at the pictures of the mutilated bodies of the innocent.

He hummed in agreement, “We can’t figure it out. Another girl just got abducted in the same way the last boy was. We just found his body. I’m missing something here. I can’t see it.” You looked up at him. He looked utterly defeated. Tired eyes gave way to the lack of sleep he’d been getting. Messy hair and wrinkled clothing also adored his figure.

“I’m in. Let’s go.” You shoved your laptop in your bag before closing the massive case file to read in the car.

He gave you a confused look, “Right now? Don’t you have to teach?”

You nodded, “I’ll cancel it. Let’s go. Time is ticking for the girl. First to the office.” Hurriedly, you stood next to him eyeing him to lead the way. He nodded seeing your seriousness, You followed him all the way back to Quantico after calling your Dean. It had some perks, being the Director of Criminology at Georgetown. It almost made you giggle it sounded so ludicrous.

You flashed your badge having consulted on a few cases for different departments of the FBI. Security let you through in a flash. You’d never worked with Spencer on an actual case of his. Hell, he’d normally figure it out before he’d ever dream of pulling an outsider into the team. But even he knew he was missing something. A puzzle piece he couldn’t seem to find. That’s when he thought of you. His longtime friend from postgrad. The two of you were ostracized early in your studies. You for being an incredibly intelligent female and him because he was a know it all. The two of you found each other and the rest was history. You stayed in academia while consulting on the side and Spencer went the FBI route. Luckily, you’d stayed in touch through all the years. You found it easy to love him as a friend once you knew how to deal with the boy genius.

“Team, this is Y/N. Y/N, the team.” Spence said quickly once he all but yanked you into the large conference room on the floor. Your eyes glossed over each of them quickly before falling to the one on the end. Tall, dark hair, dark eyes, and a smoldering look? Whew, he was just your type. He’d make you nervous. You didn’t see a ring on his finger as you scanned him from head to toe quickly.

You nodded bashfully. You could lecture hundreds of students but the eyes of six profilers right on you was rather intimidating, “Hello.” You nodded quickly walking over to the white board that listed intricate details of the case you hadn’t skimmed across in the file.

“Director of Criminology at Georgetown?” The handsome man stood next to you. A quick nod before turning your eyes back to the board.

“Yes, sir.” You cringed at your own voice sounding so unsure of herself. That wasn’t like you, not at all.

You noticed the hard stare turn to curiosity for a second before the stoic gaze returned, “Aaron Hotchner, BAU Unit Chief.”

Ahh, the infamous Hotchner. You had to admit it was almost fun putting faces to the names you’d heard from Spencer throughout all the years. At no time did he mention that Hotch was as striking as you’d found him to be. It never crossed your mind to find them online. It seemed too invasive on Spencer’s life but now you were second guessing that decision.

“Nice to meet you Agent Hotchner.”

He wasn’t being unfriendly, but he certainly wasn’t warm. You could tell he didn’t want you here but agreed out of necessity. They weren’t able to save the seven-year-old boy and Aaron was sure as hell not going to let the little eight-year-old girl meet the same fate because of pride. Even though it stung.

He didn’t reply though, only giving you a quick nod. He stood there rereading the same damn sentences he’d read over a thousand times over the last week.

“This is the order they were taken and killed?” You pointed to the wall seeing the boy-girl pattern curiously.

“Seven-year-old boy and then an eight-year-old girl every time. Over and over.” It sounded like the case had depleted him entirely. Haunted eyes scanned over each of the children’s faces. Helpless. All looking eerily similar too each other.

“And you all interviewed 21 suspects in northern Virginia.” You stated more than questioned as you looked up to the curious eyes. They were expecting you, but they weren’t expecting you.

The blonde woman nodded with a gentle look settling on her face, “All dead ends.”

“Can I read their case files?” You asked ready to spend the next few hours scouring over the notes. Maybe a fresh set of eyes could pick up on something they’d missed.

She nodded running out of the room to grab them. Spencer watched you before joining you at the table as you read through the entire file from where you left off in the car. You thanked JJ when she set another

“Y/N will stay here with Reid. The rest of us, we’re heading back out.” Spencer nodded reading what you were. Still not seeing anything. He watched as you scrunched your eyebrows and highlighted certain words on the page. Gray Honda. Black scooter. Pink bike. What were you onto? What did you see? He wracked his brain as you worked seamlessly between pages.

You read over the next potential suspect. He must’ve heard the small gasp escape from your lips. As he immediately urged you to go on by asking, “What is it?”

“The Darcy’s. We need to go back. There’s something here Spence.” Your finger held over a simple line in the interview. One that’d been glossed over. A seemingly useless detail in a sea of muddled mess of facts and fiction.

He shook his head not getting it continuing to urge on with his eyes, “He messed up. He slipped up and said gray.” You started reading from the transcript, “He said, ‘I took the car out for a spin at that time.’ And then JJ asked, ‘What kind of car to you drive Mr. Darcy?’ He responded, ‘A gray… shoot I mean black Honda Civic. Sold the gray one last year to a family member.’”

His head cocked, “A gray Honda Civic... oh, shit.” He dove into the papers finding exactly what you were looking for, “The interview with the witness who found the body. She spotted a gray Honda along her route.”

You nodded, “She thought it was odd because it was so early in the morning. Nobody is ever out.”

“We need to call Penelope.” Spencer gaped.

He pulled out his phone, “Garcia, who did David Darcy’s sell his car to last year?”

She hummed, “Well hello to you too! Give me a second boy genius.” You heard her typing away through the speaker phone, “Looks like it’s Mike Darcy. His brother.”

He looked at you with nothing but approval. He knew you were good at your job, but this was exceptional. You’d pieced it together so easily he was almost embarrassed he hadn’t caught that himself, “What do you have on him?” He asked. Again, silence with more typing before another really long silence and the faintest gasp.

“Garcia?” Spencer was finding it rather infuriating he was the one on the other side. He was the one who couldn’t seem to piece it all together. It wasn’t like him.

“He lost his entire family in a car accident two years ago. His wife and two children.”

He was shaking his head know all too well the aged of those two children, “An eight-year-old girl and a seven-year-old boy?”

“They don’t call you boy genius for nothing right?” Her laugh sounded strained but relieved. It wasn’t an easy life. Often times so much harder than you could ever dream of. The horror of humanity never ceased to amaze you in the worst ways imaginable.

“Thanks Penny. We gotta call Hotch.” Reid’s eyes were huge before as he dialed his boss’s number, “Hotch, you’re never going to believe this.” He walked off spouting off everything you’d just concluded. Letting out a huge sigh of relief, you listened to your friend off in the distance. It had to be the brother. That had to be the missing puzzle piece.

You felt somebody watching you as you cleaned the files up. You’d begged Spencer to let you go but he straight up refused. Hotch wanted to talk to you or some bullshit like that. You’d, very reluctantly, agreed.

“We looked for days.” His voice sounded harsher. A bit meaner than it did earlier. You turned to meet his eyes that looked how his voice sounded, unhappy with you.

“Just needed a fresh set of eyes was all.” His eyes didn’t change. His state only seemed to harden as he took you in.

“Thank you. She was found safe.” It sounded as if it was torturing him to give you the thanks.

You nodded quickly turning back around to clean the mess up, “Anytime.” He didn’t look bad by any means. Must’ve been a pretty easy arrest. You’d seen Spencer at his worst after unsub’s had been confronted. It was inevitable when you hunted the worst of humanity.

“We won’t be needing your services any longer.” Your heart both sped up and dropped a little at that statement. He didn’t like you. Plain and simple. Had you done something to piss him off? Upset him somehow? You ran through the events of the last few hours and came up miserably short. You’d just have to ask Spencer later.

Before you could respond though an older, almost more intimidating than him, woman walked into the room shaking her head, “That’s not what we agreed on Aaron.” She turned to smile at you, “Erin Strauss, BAU Section Chief.” She walked over to shake your hand eyeing you up. You’d were curious to what she was thinking as she approached you.

“I didn’t agree.” He all but mumbled out. That didn’t sound like the intimidating man that had just tried to put you in your place moments before.

“One vote matters more.” She turned to him. She must’ve given him a look you couldn’t see because he mumbled an agreement. It was surely a sight to be seen. Spencer would eat this one up later. Your longtime friend loved gossiping even though he’d never admit to it.

“That was impressive.” She kept sizing you up, profiling you. She wasn’t shy about doing it either. She’s the big boss and she knew it, used it.

“A new set of eyes can do wonders.” You’d downplay it, for Aaron’s sake. Not that he deserved any of your mercy at this point. He hadn’t exactly been the nicest too you.

She nodded quick, “Sure.” She didn’t have the time to go back and forth with you, “You teach close?”

“Yes I do. Georgetown.” You kept it short and sweet not bothering to elaborate with details she clearly didn’t care about.

A smile broke out on her face, “Dean Willow is a dear old friend of mine. I’ll give him a call. We may call in the future. That is if you want.”

She was giving you the option now, “I would like that. Real world examples are invaluable for my students.” You could’ve sworn you heard a scoff from over her shoulder.

She smiled though, “Wonderful. I’ll give him a call later. Nice to meet you Doctor?” She questioned trying to find out more about you.

You nodded giving her the confirmation you too were one, just like Reid. He wasn’t the only one with a PhD, “Nice to meet you as well Erin.”

She walked off quickly leaving you alone with Aaron. Instead of chatting with him you turned back to the table trying to finish what you’d started long ago, cleaning the damn table up.

“You have no right.” His voice was much louder, much closer now.

Heart hammering in your chest you had to be strategic here, “It was an offer.” Your voice was soft, too soft, and gentle for the moment. You hated confrontation this aggressively, it always seemed to get the best of you.

His lips pursed as he considered his words, “Stay out of the way.” Was all he said before walking out just like Aaron. Yikes. That couldn’t have gone worse.

You’d been called back for almost every local case and even a few further away ones that needed urgency on the clock. That’s where you’d seemed to thrive when the clock was ticking. It never seemed to get better with Aaron. He was cold with you. Never downright mean but brushing the line that he knew he couldn’t cross. Still, you’d never seemed to grow to dislike the man. Spencer let it slip that he felt like he let the entire team down when I came in and solved a case in hours.

You knew how finnicky pride could be. You knew just how dangerous that emotion could turn out to be. You’d let it get the better of you a few times. That was the difference between life and death though. The difference between bringing a family back together or giving them the worst news of their lives. So, you’d give Aaron a pass even if he didn’t really deserve it.

You’d also grown to adore his team. You’d made sure to ask Spencer time and time again to confirm that you weren’t overstepping but he shook it off each time telling you that he enjoyed having you on some of the cases. It brought him back to the fun they had in post-grad all those years ago. Naturally, you’d gravitated towards your friend during the cases you’d been asked to join. Aaron’s eyes always seemed to be glaring at you whenever you caught him. You had a sneaking suspicion you didn’t catch him nearly as often as you did.

Spencer would always just tell you that it was just Aaron. But it had been months now and he was still as ice cold as he was on day one. One by one you’d become close with each of the other members but never dreamed of approaching him. He’d let you know just how much he disliked you. You’d gotten the message loud and clear.

A call came through in the dead of night waking you from the light sleep you were in, always ready, “Hello?” You sounded groggy.

“Y/N. It’s Strauss. Another abduction. Fifteen-year-old girl this time.” She didn’t elaborate waiting for your response.

You sighed, “Why is it always children? I’ll be there in forty.”

Sleepily, you drove into Quantico. You were delighted to see you were the last on there, the team already at work. Yawning you slipped into the conference room greeted by a rather

“Y/N! You’re here. I was getting nervous.” Emily smiled patting your shoulder before moving over next to JJ.

Derek laughed, “Pretty boy was just about to call.”

You grinned looking over at Spence, “Sorry guys, the apartment is closer to Georgetown than it is here.” Your commute was just under an hour. Forty minutes if you pushed it.

“We’re just glad you’re here.” JJ chimed in patting the seat next to her, “We think we have a lead, come take a look.”

Hotch watched in awe as you moved to sit next to her. You’d seamlessly integrated yourself as a semi-permanent member of his team. They’d all seen you an integral member to specific types of cases. Cases that had time constraints. And unfortunately for you that seemed to be child abductions more often than not. Had he been too harsh on you? Was he doing it to protect his team that didn’t even need it? He had a sinking feeling he already knew the answers to those questions, and it wasn’t going to be what he wanted to hear.

He continued to watch as Rossi joked with you, Reid smiled far more often than he’d been used to, Derek already gave you the nickname ‘pretty girl’ to match Spencer’s own pretty boy. You brought ease and order to the team. You took the stress and siphoned it out of a situation. Even Aaron had to admit you were a hell of a profiler. He wasn’t blind either. He found you exceptionally beautiful. A detail Spencer conveniently left out.

He knew he might’ve already burnt that bridge with you though. He’d been nothing but an ass to you. You’d never snapped back though. Always taking everything in grace. You knew the pecking order and it wasn’t up to you to dismantle that or shake up the status quo.

Spencer noticed Hotch’s apprehension to his friend. Spence felt awful that his boss had yet to warm up to you. You were nothing but kind and incredibly good at your job. A combination that Hotch was usually a sucker for. Was his pride really that badly wounded?

He heard you let out a string of cuss words seeing the pictures of the last crime scene. Brutal. Absolute brutality. Whomever was doing this to children was beyond help.

“Jeeze Y/N, you kiss your boyfriend with that mouth?” Derek smirked laying it on thick. That comment brought Hotch right back into the present far too curious to hear what you had to say.

You threw your head back in laughter, “Hardly Derek. Between the teaching, directing and this. I don’t have the time to go meet anybody.”

Derek’s eyes flicked to Hotch’s so quickly even you didn’t catch it, “Who says you haven’t met him already?” Your eyes found his, a fiendish persona reveled in your bashfulness after tops of your cheeks turned a twinge pink.

You couldn’t let him win like that. Not with all those eyes listening in to the conversation intently, “In your wildest dreams Morgan.” A wink sent him into a fit of laughter. He too loved your ability to give and take. Knowing how to play along with him seamlessly.

Hotch coughed drawing all those curious eyes back to him, “Let’s get moving. Reid and JJ head back to police station and update the chief on the latest. Emily and Rossi go update the family. Morgan and Y/N you’re with me. Unsubs house.” You gave him a twisted look. You’d never been with him, and you’d certainly never been to an Unsubs residence while on a case. You were a profiler. A professor. Not a cop. Not comfortable with confrontation your heart was already picking up the pace just thinking about it.

“I don’t think this is a great idea sir…” You’d managed to mumble out once most of the team had cleared the room. You were sure your nervousness was full front, and center displayed across your facial features.

He cocked his head studying you again. Always studying you. Always on guard around you, “I think it is.”

You cursed under your breath almost embarrassed to admit it to him, “I’ve never done that before, going to an active scene.”

He shrugged loosening his gaze a smidge for the first in front of you, “First time for everything. You’ve been through the training in the last few months. You can do it.” He nodded eyeing the door but making sure your head was in it before he left. Last thing he needed was you not 100% ready and getting injured. He knew you were ready for it though. He’d had a daft curiously of how you’d handle that type of pressure.

The three of you sped to the crime scene. Morgan forced you to sit up front by diving into the truck and taking the entirely of the back seat up shooting you a sly grin before shutting the door. You felt the weight of the bulletproof vest

“Stay behind me, pretty girl. We’ll go room to room on the main level.” Derek spoke with conviction once the three of you made it to the front of the home. Your heart was hammering so hard you could hear the blood echoing in your ears. Focus. You could do this. Aaron believed you could.

Hotch nodded, “I’ll take upstairs. Listen to Morgan.” He ordered before nodding at Derek. All hell broke loose as you went room to room clearing. Before you heard the gunshots upstairs. Morgan rushed upstairs with you behind him. Hotch stood with his gun pointed at the now deceased unsub who had a shotgun in his own procession.

“The girl. Where is she?” You asked turning away from the blood spatter that laced the wall behind the body.

“Go, find her.” He barked turning away from the kill. You prayed that was something you never had to do.

You ran out downstairs searching. It wasn’t until you found the basement door that you flew down there. A strangled gasp came from your throat as you spotted the girl in the corner on a bloody mattress. You shuddered at the thought that it wasn’t only her blood coating that mattress.

“Hotch! Morgan! She’s down here!” You bellowed out dropping the gun immediately and softening your expression after witnessing the shaking, bound girl. She’d been beat up. Quite a few times by the look of differently faded bruises littered haphazardly around her hardly dressed body.

You unzipped your jacket clutching it in your hand. Putting your hands up you dropped down to your knees keeping a distance away letting her know you weren’t a threat. You put your hands up, “Hi sweetheart. My name is Y/N. I work for the FBI and we’re here to help you. Can I bring you this jacket to cover up?” You asked her in your most gentle voice. Like you were talking to the most helpless soul on the planet. She might’ve been at that very moment.

Aaron and Derek watched from the stairwell as you stood up walking over to her with slow small steps. Once you reached her you dropped down again, “Is it alright if I touch you? What hurts the worst sweetheart?”

She shook her head before breaking. Breaking down completely. The tears turned to ugly sobs. She reached out for you, and you grabbed her quickly. Pulling her right into your embrace. She fisted your shirt like her life depended on it unaware of the two men watching the scene unfold before them. They’d called for an ambulance and just had to wait. But you were there for her. He felt a light flutter in his stomach as he watched you caress her face and play with her hair. Whispering in her ear and hold her tight. You were a natural. Aaron could see it plain as day now.

Slowly her harsh wails turned to strained tears. Almost all her energy depleted as she leaned on you. You wrapped your jacket around her small frame to cover whatever decency she had left. The poor babies life was over as she knew it. Her life was going to be an uphill battle from this point going forward. Your heart shattered as you brought her back into your chest. Whispering those sweet reassurances to the utterly broken girl sitting in your lap.

Once the ambulance took her away Hotch turned towards you observing once more. Your usually chipper grin was downturned. It had affected you more than he had sensed. It was hard. Impossible sometimes. And this was a good outcome. An exceptional one even.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” He asked finally letting that guard down.

You nodded so softly he didn’t know if you truly meant it or not, “Yeah. I just… I’ve never done that. Spence always told me stories, but I guess… I don’t know.” You sighed at a loss for words.

He stepped forward placing a hand on your shoulder this time, “It’s okay. It’s difficult. We all know. But think of the good you’d done. You were there for her when she needed it most. We didn’t train you for that. You’re just a good person. Don’t let this job ever take that away from you.”

Your mouth almost dropped as listened to him. He was always a man of so few words this felt like an all on speech for you. So long was that hard gaze you grew to expect over the last few months and was replaced with something much softer and kinder. The look he gave him other agents. The ones he’s known and worked with for years. Maybe Spence was right, maybe he was warming up to you a bit.

Things had been going well. Another month had passed, and you’d been called on for few more cases. You’d refused pay simply because you came and went as you had time. You called it tunning up for your professorship.

Aaron had completely warmed up to you over that time. You were still terribly timid around him. Old habits died hard with you. But he was trying. Making small gestures when you were around. Getting you coffee, holding open the door for you, smiling a little bit more.

It wasn’t lost on the team. They’d seen the change even if you refused to. Spencer constantly bugged you about it once Morgan put a big in his ear. Planted a seed that bloomed in that beautiful brain of his.

Aaron had a scowl on his face watching you and Spencer joke around in the conference room. Why weren’t you even remotely like that with him?

“You could just tell her instead of shooting daggers at Reid.” Derek clapped his bosses back cracking a smile at him.

“She doesn’t like me.” The scowl dropped as he turned towards his agent.

“So, you think. More intimidated by you than doesn’t like you. You were kind of an ass there for a while.” Derek egged his boss on. It wasn’t often he was able to get under his skin.

Aaron rolled his eyes, through gritted teeth he answered him, “I know Morgan.”

“Why were you anyway?” He asked, digging for more and more. The true king of gossip at Quantico.

He shrugged, “To protect you guys. She was an outsider. We didn’t know anything about her.”

Derek let out a laugh that even drew your attention away from Spencer and over to them. Giving them a sheepish wave, you looked away back to Spence quickly. Aaron’s hard eyes turned soft made you feel a certain type of way. He was back to being that handsome man you first laid eyes on. A man who seemed so far out of your league it was laughable.

“Whatever you want to tell yourself boss man. But we both know that’s not the case. It’s okay to have feelings after Haley. It’s been years Hotch.” Morgan squeezed his shoulders urging his friend on, “I’m going to go grab Reid. Go apologize and tell her how you feel. You might be surprised. Go be happy instead of being jealous.”

He mumbled something incoherent but didn’t stop him. Spencer gave Derek a knowing look. You waved him off turning back to the case you were reviewing. It wasn’t a moment later the same chair Spencer

“I’m sorry.” He spit it out certainly not afraid to beat around the bush with it.

Tilting your head to the side you asked, “What for?”

“Being an ass your first few months here.” Again, he was com

You were a bit stunned, “Oh, thanks. I’m happy to be here.”

“You are an exceptional profiler Y/N and an incredible asset to this team. You’ve got a heart of gold. You work with victims better than anybody I’ve seen. Do you know how heartwarming that is to witness? You’re a natural with it all. So, I’m sorry. I’m so happy to have you here.” He let out a breath after airing it out there.

Your heart rate sped up to that rapid rate that made you feel almost uncomfortable, “You mean it?”

“Every last word.” He looked at you expectantly. It could go either way. Either really good or horrifically bad.

You gave him your first genuine smile. One he’s seen come out for everybody else except for him. Until now, “Thank you Aaron. That was very kind.”

He nodded, “Of course. It’s the truth.” You could tell he wanted to say more but didn’t know how to.

You felt a weird surge of confidence brush over you, “For the record. I’ve really enjoyed working for you. With you. I’ve learned a lot.” You too wanted to say something more, but the words were impossible to think of.

The tension was thick. But Aaron decided to cut it. Throwing caution to the wind, “Since you technically don’t work here I don’t think what I’m going to say next is really crossing the line.” He breathed taking a second before gathering the courage he needed, “You are absolutely beautiful Y/N. Inside and out. You’ve been chipping away at my heart ever since you stepped into this world. You are exceptional. I like you. Way more than a boss should. Way more than a friend should.”

Your mouth did drop this time. That was everything you wanted to hear and exactly what you expected not to hear. He liked you? You’d thought back on the month and didn’t see the signs. It seemed so obvious once he spoke it so clearly.

You started giggling at the hilarity of it all.

“What?” He asked smiling, easing back in his chair feeling eased by the lightness of the room.

“I can profile everything but my own damn life.” You kept giggling only to be stopped when he grabbed your hands.

“You’re even prettier when you laugh like that.”

Your blush was mad by now, “Thank you Aaron.”

“Would you let me take you out sometime? On a date? A proper one. Where we get dressed really nice. I’ll take you to a fancy restaurant. All that jazz.”

You smiled even wider, “If that’s really what you want.”

Squeezing your hand as a confirmation he nodded, “Pretty girl, it’s all I want.” His grin was everything as you both sat there smiling at each other like two lovesick fools.

Permanent Taglist (Message me or comment below if you want to be added!): @loving-and-dreaming @kmc1989 @memeorydotcom @matisse556

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stuckinapril · 6 months

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Hi Cianna, just wanted to say I really admire your study ethic and general vibe on this blog (you inspire me to do better!)

Do you have any advice/tips for good study habits and staying focused? I find that I get some work done, but after a break I can't get back on track

Sorry for the long ask/ studyblr type of question;; what is your favourite hairstyle that you do with your hair! (I also have curly brown hair :)

Have a lovely day also <3

🌻🌻

hi! i touch on a lot of points in this other ask, but a few specific learning techniques i abide by are:

parkinson's law. parkinson's law states that work expands to fill the time. basically if you have an essay that's due in a week, it will magically take you one week to get it done, even if the task itself could've been done in one day. to counter this i just set artifical deadlines for myself--even if an essay is due in a week, my personal deadline has it due in two days.

prime your brain prior to learning. if you need to study a biology chapter, pre-skim it the night before. this is not the time to go into detail--it's the time to familiarize yourself with the overview of the topic, so you should only be making a quick scan of the chapter. another priming method is to make a concept map of topics before diving into a chapter. as you skim write down key terms haphazardly, google those you don't recognize, and draw a concept map linking them together. this is effective bc it requires you to actually put effort into connecting the topics, takes no longer than 15 minutes, and speeds up the learning process that follows. it doesn't matter if you find out you're wrong once you dive in; what's important is you're actively thinking of how these topics coexist, as opposed to mindlessly taking notes or highlighting only to forget what you learned a couple hours later. i'm also a fan of concept maps bc i get to go back and highlight stuff i'm weak in, which is always a plus.

if you like to take notes, use it as another means of active recall. don't just passively take notes as you go along. what i like to do is i read a paragraph, close the book, then try to take down notes based off memory alone. this helps me both phrase the topic in my own words and realize what my learning gaps are, rather than just passively summarize without putting effort into truly understanding/memorizing something. anything i get wrong i hammer into my brain until i can't get it wrong anymore.

take notes effectively. our brain does not learn in sentences and paragraphs. it learns in bullet points, diagrams, and figures--and that's how i like to frame my notes. first i ask myself if i actually need to take notes to begin with, or if there are online notes out there i can use to save time (which, as a stem student, there typically are). if i do decide to take notes, i never mindlessly summarize. i always condense the material into bullet points, diagrams, concept maps, or visual representations. i also like to phrase my notes as questions rather than just passive summaries, so that when i review them i'm already testing myself in a way. most people would not understand my notes bc they're either very low-yield stuff, stuff i'm weak in, or bare-bones fragments of information.

always prioritize weaknesses. if you're weaker at chapter 18 of your textbook vs chapter 1, maybe start with chapter 18. don't spend 6 hours taking notes on chapter 1 if you're already strong in chapter 1. always attack your weaknesses first.

practice practice practice!! so so important. i owe all my As to mock exams, quizzes i make myself, end-of-chapter questions etc etc. imo practice matters a lot more than passive content review.

interleaving concepts helps with retention. an example of this is i like to do biology and chemistry one day, biochemistry and organic chemistry the next day, physics and psychology the day after... i'm not just doing biology all day, every day. another thing i like to do if i'm in a massive rut is i hop between tons of different subjects on the same day, which keeps me from getting bored/helps me understand the subjects better through distinguishing their differences.

retrospective timetable. an example of this is if i find i'm pretty weak in a particular physics topic, the next few days will disproportionately focus on physics over other subjects. inversely, if i just breezed through a biology chapter, the next few days will have less biology than initially planned. i'm constantly going back and revising my study timetable based on my performance of the day, rather than relying on a rigid prospective timetable that doesn't take into account my progress.

less passive learning, more active. spaced repetition is a big one. i love anki for this bc there's an algorithm that dictates how often topics come up again based on how well you answer them. other methods include active recall, having friends quiz you, and trying to teach the topic to others (or the plushie in your bedroom haha). if you find you're struggling to simplify topics and explain them, that's a sign you don't understand them very well yourself.

#haha no worries <3 answering these asks helps ground me too so it's a pretty symbiotic relationship #and i'm always happy to help!! good luck :)#study tips #ask

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gatheringbones · 1 year

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[“Especially in infancy, but throughout childhood, the young human uses the emotional and nervous systems of the caring adults to regulate her own internal states. The interpersonal-biological math is elementary: the more stressed the adult, the more stressed the child. Extensive research has demonstrated that when stressed, parents are less patient and more punishing and harsher with their young children. Stress impairs their capacity to be calm, responsive, and attuned.

As a recent review by leading researchers pointed out, “In more stressful environments for parents, children not only experience less protection from environmental stressors but also are more likely to have stress-inducing relationships with caregivers.” Another study showed that, while elevated stress induced more punitive attitudes in mothers, increased levels of support favorably diminished them. Contemporary science affirms ancient wisdom once more.

Parental stress expresses itself in less overt ways, too, such as distraction and emotional absence. Many parents, though loving, are frequently preoccupied by genuine concerns about relationship issues or economic troubles or personal problems and, as a result, just aren’t as attentive or “present.” This affects development as surely as does parental rage or coldness. “Primate experiments show that infants can undergo severe separation reactions even though their mothers are visually, but not psychologically available,” reports the renowned researcher, psychologist, and theorist Allan Schore. Dr. Schore calls such noncontact “proximate separation”—so close, but yet so far. It’s a dynamic that many children in our society experience, owing to the stresses parents habitually endure. The message the child gets is “You are not worthy of my attention. You must work to earn it.”

Whether or not we explicitly recall such experiences, their imprints survive in our unconscious and in our nervous systems. Making matters more stressful is the alienation imposed by financial hardship. “The relentlessness of modern-day parenting has a powerful motivation: economic anxiety,” the New York Times reported in 2018. “For the first time, it’s as likely as not that American children will be less prosperous than their parents. For parents, giving children the best start in life has come to mean doing everything they can to ensure that their children can climb to a higher class, or at least not fall out of the one they were born into.”

The unintended impact of such fearful, status-driven child-rearing is that the child’s irreducible emotional needs fall secondary to the desperation of parents striving to ensure the academic and financial success of their offspring.”]

gabor maté, from the myth of normal: trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture, 2022

#gabor maté #brainspace #currently reading

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cypionate60mg · 2 months

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nb, intersex here. wow does this blog make me feel so much. i dont have much exposure to this aspect of queer masculinity, ive just been reading over your posts and theyre resonating so much with me. the framing and the spacing of the words like man!!!!

you mentioned robert kurvitz' work-- i dunno, and i wanted to talk about harry and masculinity and what that means to me. hes a criticism of the reckless power we give certain systems and that's a huge part of the game. but playing him as a man picking himself off the floor, digging himself up from rock bottom-- i saw so much of myself and my brother and my father in him. the violence and the reinvention. im fat so seeing a non-prettyboy ive ever seriously felt connected to. this blog makes me connected to the same feeling, that experimenting with fun colors still made me masc and that i owed no one conventional attractiveness. not only that, but people would still find me and my mishmash bigender self attractive. dunno! was curious how you feel, if disco Elysium brought up stuff like this for you

much love!! anon

Glad you like the spacing and framing. I was inspired by mapped-out gaze trajectories, a field of study pioneered by Alfred L. Yarbus. I'm interested in how people 'read' an image, and whether that's impacted by seeing themself in the subject.

Great game. I see myself in Kim, really. Physically and psychologically. Somebody who has become so practiced in walking through dueling worlds, one foot in each, that he feels condemned to the middle path. To him, being extreme is almost unthinkable. No wonder Harry is such a great counterpart to him. Conversely, he's comprised of extremes, always careening off toward whatever ideology or attitude can get him high off its excess. Maybe as a protective mechanism for that softer, more ambiguous part of himself. The sensitive self that is not bombastic, but is always under threat of being blown apart by his addictions and bad behavior.

I love DE for its refusal to streamline its systems, narrative, world, characters, etcetera. Everything is so rich and full of life. Every character has depth and fits into the larger scheme of things, even if through subversion. That's one of its most lifelike qualities; everybody is so much more complicated and interconnected than you thought was possible. So I'm honored to share a place with this game in your mind

#ask cyp60mg #behind the scenes

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bleeding-star-heart · 7 months

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These tags on a reblog of my Anders analysis are another problem I have with DA:2's writing

#god i have so many feelings about this#cuz i romanced anders my first playthrough#and i hated that our relationship did a 180 as soon as I was like#“im not gonna let you gaslight me into doing war crimes”#was it OOC?#i don't know#I can't say#I haven't studied anders as a character or taken the time to contemplate him enough to speak on it#but i just know it was such a turn off that i started a new game entirely EDIT: I have removed the word "gaslighting" from this meta owing to the fact that technically, Anders isn't gaslighting, because gaslighting is something different. Gaslighting being trying to make someone doubt their perception of reality, among other things. What Anders ACTUALLY does falls under emotional manipulation. I would say to the OP that yes, indeed, this is VERY "out of character", so to speak. Most definitely for JUSTICE, the spirit inhabiting Anders's body. But also for Anders as well. Think about it: emotionally manipulating one's romantic partner is an inherently unjust thing to do. It is not something two people who respect and love each other do. Yet the spirit of Justice is completely silent when it happens. A being that supposedly embodies nothing but Justice simply...allows his host to guilt his lover into doing something they disagree with. He does not protest or try to stop Anders from engaging in a truly toxic form of emotional manipulation. If written properly, Justice should immediately have called Anders out on this. Which should prompt either an apology from Anders or a long, seemingly one-man argument between the two. But that doesn't happen. In fact, Justice only shows up if you, as Anders's rival, manage to turn him AGAINST blowing up the Chantry. And then, only to railroad Anders back into the role of terrorist. This, combined with Justice's general lack of reaction to any injustice or violation of rights that DOESN'T have to do with mages, causes him to become little more than a cheap plot device. Now as to why I don't believe a properly written Anders would do it, either. Anders at this point in the story is a revolutionary, yes. He is passionate about his cause. But he is also MORE than that. And part of that 'more'-and also WHY he's a revolutionary-is that he was a victim of a controlling, emotionally manipulative institution. One that bombards people like him with all kinds of unhealthy messaging. Messages like: the outside world is guaranteed to hate you, your (unchangeable) nature is inherently wrong and sinful. As well as: you can't trust yourself at all, you are one bad day from being a monster, you need to let us control you for your own good. Anders probably saw more than one person like Keili-that girl in the Mage Origin who actively believes she's evil and prays to 'not be a mage'. He probably encountered a lot of mages with varying degrees of religiously based self-loathing. He probably had some himself. And he lived in the Ferelden Circle. He's also a person who not only left a toxic institution, but actively sees and complains about how toxic the institution is. People who've suffered from toxic environments/relationships and RECOGNIZE how toxic those environments/relationships were, tend to value healthy relationships/environments. They try and work on themselves to remove any lingering psychological effects of that toxicity. It is highly likely that Anders would NOT want to repeat the kind of emotional manipulation he and others were subjected to. While he might not agree with Hawke about methods, Anders would not believe guilt to be a good tactic because guilt is one of the very tactics the Chantry used on him! Guilt about being a target for demonic possession, guilt about what the magisters did, guilt about being a mage in general.

Guilting his partner into agreeing with him, is, essentially, him doing what the Chantry did to him. And if the writers had put any thought into his character, they would have realized that too. And thus, if they were smart, or and simply give the player the option to permanently decline the quest with no negative consequences. The other option is to lean into that, and purposefully make it a character flaw, that he's too blinded by trauma to see that. But the writers did NOT have the time to be able to successfully pull that off. Thus, yeah. They make Anders, who suffered from religious based emotional manipulation...into someone who emotionally manipulates his partners. Which is yet another thing done in the name of a less-than-stellar ending and plot beat. EDIT: I have removed the word "gaslighting" from my part of this meta owing to the fact that technically, Anders isn't gaslighting Hawke, because gaslighting is something different. Gaslighting being trying to make someone doubt their perception of reality, among other things. What Anders ACTUALLY does falls under emotional manipulation. Which I still don't believe a properly written Anders OR Justice would do, for the reasons stated above.

#dragon age 2 #dragon age #anders #anders dragon age #dragon age meta #dragon age ii #da2 #anders da2

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chansbabygirlsstuff · 6 months

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Just a bet.... Chapter 1

Boring, that's how I describe math class, the teacher shits on us for not remembering the formula for x or whatever she is blabbering about.

let me explain how college works for me, There are always groups of everything and clubs for anything, for example, the soccer majors, you know the leaders there are amazingly fit and all, all the girls there want them for their own, but that's not how it works in here then you have the dance majors who are incredibly sexy because the way they move is so ugh.....and music majors hot af, science majors they are actually the funniest and smartest of all the uni, theater majors, dramatic af, psychology majors they only read your mind and always so nosy in whatever is going around because they are 'trying to understand whats going on in their heads so they can solve it ', law majors super gossips, and more, you know at the end it's a university and there is lots of stuff to study.

My name is Y/n and I'm a law major currently in my 2nd year here, but I really don't have friends, just being around so many people is not a good influence all the time but people talk to me sometimes ( when they need something from you) some girls in my major are amiable and cute so maybe they are not a bad influence.

"Y/n" Yuna screamed my name from across the class making people look at her and then at me, as she walked towards me with her friend group: Tzuyu, Mina, and Lia.

"hey girl you still up for studying in the library?" "Sure" you answered remembering that they invited you to study yesterday for a group project. you stand up and follow them out of the class to change your path to go to your locker, as you put your stuff away you hear loud laughs and teasing between a group of boys passing through the hallways behind you, the sassy, fun, amiable guys at the school, the popular Boys they are pretty chill but of course, they have there bad shit like hookups during the week with different girls and then leaving them heartbroken after

Seugmin is a baseball major he pretty cool ngl, then there is Lee Know a dance major, Felix in computer science major, Han, Chanbing, and Bang Chan are Music majors but they also studying something else Han is in a Scientific major and Chanbing is in Economics Chan is in Business and then there's I.N who also studies law and Hyunjin who is in soccer major and Accounting.

"Y/nnnnnnn" Hyunjin comes running toward me with a cute smile and a wobbly run and grabs me from my shoulders moving me side to side as I almost lose balance "What do you want Hwang?" I said annoyed because he only talks to me to annoy me or ask me for something, like last time...

Flashback*

"Y/nnnnnn," he says screaming from the end of the hallway as I turn to him and say, "What Hwang?" I looked dead into his eyes "Oh don't be mean to me you love me" he said dramatically" " I just wanted to borrow 20 bucks please" he begged "For what?" he stayed silent and said "Well I bet Han that he couldn't fit his whole hand in his mouth and he did it but now it's stuck so Lee know is taking to the hospital, but now I owe that dumb fuck 20 bucks and I didn't bring cash with me, so please have mercy with this beautiful soul in front of you"he pouted his lips and gave the puppy eys as he almost kneeled down "fine! you better give them back tomorrow or you dead meat" I warned him as he left smiling and blowing a kiss at me jokingly

End of Flashback*

"So... I bet I.N to do karaoke night yesterday at his house and I would've done his statistics homework but now I'm too tired to do it and it has Law examples, you and he study that so can I please copy yours for him" he pouted his lips as I sighed and open my locker to give him my notebook "thank you so much I owe you so much girl," he said screaming and running towards his next class as I got to mine.

12:05 pm

it was lunchtime time so I went out to a cafe to get myself caffeine for the rest of the day and a chicken sandwich "That will be 14.99" the cashier said to me as I opened my wallet to get my card "I'll pay for that" a man next to me swiped his card for my order before I could even say anything "ok perfect please wait on the line and your stuff will be here soon" the girl said with a smile and left.

the man looked at me and smiled "Chan?" I asked confused as to why he was there and why he paid for my order "Hey, what up?" he said casually as he leaned against the table "Can I get the same please?" he said to the cashier as he paid his stuff, "umm why did you pay for my things? I was going to do it" I told him while he smiled and told me "You Hyujins friend right? Y/n?"

I looked at him suspiciously and said "Yes and no I'm not giving homework for free" "Technically is not free, I just paid for your meal, but I'm not here for any favours no worries" He said as we took a seat in one of the tables, I ate my food feeling weird cause wtf do he want now? " so is there anything you need?" I said and he looked taken back at my comment that yeah... it was kinda rude.

"no nothing I just saw you were a good friend of Hyunjin's and you seem like a fun friend to have around, so I wanted to be friends with you too," he says smiling at me as I looked confused at him "Plus you're cute," he says with a little smirk appearing in his face "No seriously what do you need?" I said a bit annoyed by his comment and he just chuckled "Nothing relax I just want to be friends, as I said you look like a fun girl" he said as we continued eating, and then before I was finished someone entered the cafe "Chan my man" they fist bombed as the other male sits " hi in Han, your Hyujins friend right?" "OK, what does Hyunjin need now? cause this is weird"

"what do you mean? can we just talk to you?" Han said as he looked offended by my feistiness, I put my head down in shame but you can't trust these guys, they are always up to no good, as I tried to finish my food and just replied to their questions and small talk I got up and picked my stuff "ok I need to go, class is going to start soon, it was nice meeting you all" "let me take you to class" Chan said as he got up to accompany me but I stopped him before anything else "oh you don't have to don't worry I have to go to the library to study anyways" "I was heading there, lets study together" he said keeping up with me as I walked " I have a project with the girls so you will be stuck listening to us, so if your planning to pay attention to what your studying then I recommend to study in another table, they can be loud sometimes" " no worries I would like to learn what you know" he smiles as he follows me, why is he acting as he knew me since forever? doesn't he know that he looks like a creep who is about to kidnap a 23 female or what?.

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brightlotusmoon · 2 years

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How to breathe better: An 8-step guide based on James Nestor's seminal book | GQ India

I just started reading James Nestor's Breath, and it's been reminding me of the Ayurvedic student doctor I had met online in the very early 2000s, before Facebook and such. He encouraged me to look into supplements like Omega Fatty Acids, MSM, Ashwagandha, Bacopa and Brahmi, Mucuna Dopa - and all sorts of specific breathing exercises.

Unfortunately my cerebral palsy was as young and inexperienced as I was and I completely fell out of those exercises. But reading this book is bringing back all these conversations about how the student actually reversed his own liver damage. I hope he's doing well.

My husband has been excited to explore my cannabis journey, because he's an Oldhead, he recalls the original strains from the 90s and how far cannabis science has come. They're creating pot strains for diabetes, cholesterol, asthma, stomach ulcers, and obviously neurological disorders. The med student had talked to me about that, too, but obviously it was illegal and demonized. The realization that smoking from glass pipes and vapes has been literally teaching me to breathe more deeply and carefully is something I didn't expect.

Really, my long term goal is restorative tai chi since modern yoga makes my body cry. But first and foremost, breathing.

#breathing exercises #science!#ow my relevance #ow my psychology studies #i miss livejournal #physical therapy

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espresseo-cafe · 3 months

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life is still beautiful | johnny | ch.8

genre: cappucino, romance, angst, university!au, dad!au, drama, slice of life

pairing: collegestudent!johnny x fem!reader

bean count: 3.1k+

a/n: this has a crossover with @jae-canikeepyou ‘s series serenity in us 🤭 read that if you like, you’d love it 🤗 so now i’m back from hiatus! enjoy your coffee time 💚 note: this is only a work of fiction, it doesn’t reflect the artists’ personalities in any way.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“how are you coping?” was one of the last messages johnny had sent you. after your breakdown and asthma attack, he didn’t send you any more, just short ones as he was planning his baby thesis together with kun on psychology. he also had to do his paediatric studies on saturdays.

besides, you guys were entering to your final year very soon.

you decided to give him space, you as well needed to catch up with your own (being at the library at the moment)- even though it was stressful enough to have your parents by the ends of your hair strands most of your life. it was habitual, you guessed.

it was also ironic because even though you dislike shoving your face in books and research papers, you found yourself kind of listening to their orders of studying hard.

but you soon realised you were doing this for yourself, not for them.

somehow you wished you never agreed to meet them that day. you just ended up disappointed and hurt like you always had.

your phone rang when you just quickly put it down, receiving mean glares and shushes from the people around the table. taking your stuff and shoving them in your bag, you ran out of the library and called back the person who conveniently decided to embarass you.

“you just love to distract me, do you, johnny?” placing your phone between your ear and shoulder, fixing the heel of your socks.

a soft chuckle heard from the other line, a voice you kinda want to hear. “because i know you will be. want to go for coffee? i finished my project so i can meet you at the atrium.”

“please, i got homework to finish.” you dramatically told him, turning to your left then walking down the stairs.

“hm, interesting.” he hummed, “if you got homework to finish then why did you change your path down the stairs?”

you halted as you almost set foot to the atrium’s entrance. looking up, he was there by the railings.

“i see i got a stalker.”

“the one and only.” johnny smiled and waved at you from the balcony before going down the stairs to meet you.

placing your phone in your pocket when he stood in front of you, you laughed, “dear me, do i need to call the police?”

he wrapped his arms around your shoulder, “please don’t. besides you owe me coffee, it’s been a week.”

you slapped his chest lightly. what’s with him and coffee? “dude that’s what you’ve been wanting to do? don’t you have cash?”

“i spent it on youngmin’s medicine. little dude can’t keep still, always running around until he caught fever. but he does get regular check-ups.” he sighed, “medicine should be free, especially for kids.”

as you walked to the coffee shop at the next street, you concluded that maybe it was why johnny took paediatrics, to monitor youngmin’s health.

johnny was on his final year of his double degree in psychology and paediatric studies, so his schedules were going to be busy. an idea came up to your mind. “say, why don’t i take him to the clinic for his checkup appointments? so you could focus on your studies.”

johnny’s slightly tired face lit up, “really? you can do that?” you nodded as you both entered the coffee shop, “that’s great, it’ll be a huge help.” looking at the drinks menu, he hummed. “you know what, drinks are on me today, i’m suddenly in a good mood.”

you giggled when he took out a five dollar bill on his hand, “so you can treat me coffee on days i take him for appointments, deal?”

“deal-“ johnny flicked his head to you, “-wait!”his hand got freed of cash when you took the bill and jogged to the counter. he stifled a laugh seeing you already pointing at your desired drink, smiling endearingly at you until you turned to him.

“johnny, come on here and choose yours!” gesturing for him to come closer, “they’ve got an offer of buy one get one free.”

little did you two know, you didn’t notice the presence of both rowoon and seungcheol seated at the very end of the coffee shop. rowoon thought that seungcheol’s little crush on you was too obvious. he wondered why after all this time, the guy never seemed to talk to you.

“for a jock like you, you’re someone who’s actually soft for the girl you like.” he munched on the scone he bought, seungcheol then shaking his thoughts off of his mind.

“so what do you want me to do?” the doe eyed asked, taking a sip from his latte.

rowoon smirked, checking a piece of a paper slip before giving it to seungcheol. “nothing actually. you can stay put for now, but hold onto this.”

“if this gets us into trouble, rowoon, you’ll know what you’ll get.” seungcheol warned him, taking the envelope from him as the boy stood up to leave.

“don’t worry, hyung. we got this.”

——

“no way! how come i just heard of this?” yoohyeon told you through the small screen, while you ate on ramyeon bought from the convenient store. she tutted her lips together, “hey y/n, is that all what you’ve been eating since i was gone for almost three weeks?”

“it’s my cheat day.” you slurped, wiping off excess soup from your cheek. “i’ve been studying my brain off, i need to de-stress somehow.”

yoohyeon whined playfully, “i want to de-stress too! the expectations here in paris is as high as the eiffel tower. but anyway, answer my question. so it’s still on the rocks with your parents?”

you hummed, not sure how to answer that just yet. “yeah definitely, can’t believe i’ve been stood up at the dinner.. well it’s not like it never happened to me.”

“well isn’t that great? there’s progress!” she sarcastically said because she knew how your relationship was with your parents. she then squinted her eyes. “then what about you and johnny? any progress in that?”

you coughed on a piece of noodle. “t-that, i don’t know. i heard he had an argument with his ex after youngmin’s party.”

“minji? after so long?” she questioned. “well, i hope she doesn’t give him a hard time. the guy’s moved on, given that his attention is so focused on you.”

you laughed a little, “who’s to say, it’s a little crush i have for him. there’s a fine line between falling in love and having a crush, you know? maybe it’s just admiration on my part. but him to me? i doubt it.” you felt a shuffle on the side as you placed the ramyeon on the table behind you, making yoohyeon tilt her head in question.

“did you get a puppy, y/n?”

“a cute one, actually.” shifting your phone for her to see clearly, youngmin snuggled next to you.

“oh, my, word.” she said dramatically, “you’re a certified mommy candidate for the little one. i’ve never seen him so close to anyone like that. johnny must love you to the point he trusted his son to you.”

“a: he doesn’t love me, and b: i offered to help him, alright? we’re not even gonna go there.” you shook your head, combing youngmin’s hair as he slept.

yoohyeon took a snap of that, sending it to johnny immediately. “oh isn’t it time for you to bring him to his appointment? it’s almost 1pm.”

“yes and you’ll be late for class.” you reminded her, “make me proud, yoohyeon. i helped you with your thesis, don’t put it waste.”

hearing you say that made her laugh so early in the morning. “it’s 6am here but roger that, momma!~” waving a goodbye before signing off.

you turned your phone off, putting your legs off of the sofa. then youngmin woke up and wiped his eyes, “mama i’m warm.”

you flicked your head to the boy, chuckling and patting his cheek. “it’s auntie y/n, youngmin.” he sat up and yawned, asking for a hug and you carried him, soon taking your leave to the clinic. “you’re going to get better.”

the little toddler was tired the whole time, and that worried you. wearing the carrier, you placed him facing you while he slept once more. the cooling patch on his forehead wasn’t doing any good to put his temperature down. he actually cried quite a bit on the way so you put a dummy on him, and thankfully he didn’t cause too much of a scene on the train.

stepping in the clinic, you suddenly saw your long time friend, jungkook. his eye smile never failed to be so contagious. “ah noona! you’re here again?”

“yeah, i need to be here for this little one. my friend’s son.” you ruffled his hair, and jungkook poked his cheek.

“he’s adorable! oh and guess what? i’m assisting the renowned dr. jung yunho tomorrow, i just finished meeting up with him.” his bunny smile showing.

you gave him a high-five, you were really proud of him. “nice on you sophomore, it’s gonna look good on your resume once you do your residency and fellowship.”

jungkook just scratched his head, blushing red. “it’s still a long ways to go, noona.” checking his watch, he gasped at the time. “and i don’t want to be late. catch up soon?”

you nodded and gave him a wave, “sure.”

the reception was close by and you confirmed youngmin’s booking. the nurse had to double check if you were the parent, and you clarified that you were substituting the child’s father, who couldn’t make it in the scheduled appointments and showed her the documents with johnny’s signature.

“i actually thought you were the mother. because mr. suh comes here alone often, other than the grandparents. so i got my hopes up when i recognised youngmin with a young lady. sorry about that.” she noted, giving you an apologetic smile.

“it’s not a problem, i haven’t met the mother as well so i guess we’re on the same page.” you smiled a bit, and took a pen from your bag, signing the check-in sheet.

“oh excuse me miss, you dropped something.” one intern next to the nurse pointed down while you muttered a thank you.

it was the extra coupon you had from all the coffee breaks you had with johnny. maybe i should use this later. so you placed it back again to use it again. slowly standing up, you removed youngmin from the carrier while the nurse took him in for a little check up before the actual appointment with dr. yunho.

“miss y/n!” you heard a little squeal, and it was one that you recognised so well. “long time no see!”

“hi liam!” you bent down to have a short chat. “are you here for a check up with the doctor?”

the kindergartener nodded quickly like he was so proud of it. “yes, i got a scratch on my face and on my leg because i fell.” you told him to be careful and he just pouted, saying that he would. he turned around to lady who called him, saying that they had to leave.

at the same time, you were called in by dr. yunho. you patted his hair and bid him goodbye. standing up, you were faced with a lady, who was around your age. must be liam’s mother.. you thought. but who were you to judge?

liam jumped as he left the hospital, whining that he was hungry. “can we go to mcdonald’s, auntie minji?”

she held his tiny hand, “of course, you did really well at the checkup.”

“then can you carry me there, please?” he pleaded, making puppy eyes to convince her, only for her to disagree.

“no can do, liam.” she poked his little nose and teased him. “you know auntie isn’t that strong like a superhero.”

after youngmin’s checkup, you were thankful that he didn’t need to be confined in the hospital. on the other hand, you were so dazzled by dr. yunho, how could someone be so handsome and smart at the same time? it was funny how he opened up so quickly, even mentioning that he had brothers who went to the same university as you- currently year one and year four. it didn’t feel like an appointment at all because of how he conversed.

youngmin seemed to have gotten used to being at the doctor’s, after the fact johnny told you that he used to cry a lot about it. and speaking of him, you got a call, just in time.

“hey y/n, i’m on my way there with bosco, we’ll drop him off at mom and dad’s first, then i owe you coffee again, is it the third time this month? anyway see you both in five minutes.”

you lit up, “sure, we’ll wait here.”

it took about five minutes for him to arrive. talk about consistency: another box ticked on your checklist. he came out of the car to help carry youngmin, while you got on after.

the nurses who saw this from the clinic had their hearts swooned in various places. johnny was young but the way he handled everything made him so mature.

“daddy material..” the intern’s eyes twinkled while she clasped her hands together.

“get back to work, rookie.” the nurse sighed.

“what? you were staring at him too, hypocrite.” she pouted.

as youngmin rested at his grandparents’ place, you and johnny made your way to the coffee shop. patters of rain drummed the windows and johnny sighed when he looked above. “i swear this is like the worse summer ever, it’s been raining for days.”

“can’t help it though. it was scorching hot as well. besides, fall is on the way, in a few weeks?” you stretched your neck and your back from side to side. the feeling of cracked bones was such a relief that johnny glimpsed at you back and forth and scrunched his face.

“sorry, you must’ve been tired from bringing youngmin to the clinic for three weeks.” he stopped the vehicle at the red light.

“it’s okay, it’s workout for me to carry him.” you snickered. as you said that, the rain gradually grew a bit stronger. so you looked up as well, and you didn’t like how it reminded you of the past.

it used to be about your parents, it still was, besides text messages you hadn’t heard any apologies from them at all. and that upsetted you.

another thing was the accident, you haven’t even came into terms with it. you still remembered the impact, the screeches from its tires, the way you flew, and the way you thought everything gone in a blink. it felt like it was yesterday.

johnny knew at one look that you were still processing everything that happened. it was something he wanted to help you overcome but he also knew it was a long journey and that it doesn’t just disappear overnight.

so an idea came up to him, he hoped you were up for it, and he hoped he was right. you felt the vehicle turn sharply to a corner. johnny turned the engine off, “y/n, let’s go out right now.”

your raised eyebrow made him want to laugh but he knew you would love this. “um, are you crazy? it’s raining cats and dogs outside, johnny.”

he just grinned at you. “i maybe am. but with a little bit of play in the cold of ‘cat and dog’ rain, you might just be crazy with me.” he got off the car and ran into the rain, hollering and spinning around.

your eyes widened, frantically turning your head around to check if people noticed him. reaching for the handle, you stared at the rain once more, hands shaking anxiously. should you go out once again?

“awooo!” johnny continued to shout and laugh. you stared at him deadpan, this was embarrassing.

you sighed, “johnny!” the secondhand embarassment you got from him was unbelievable. you ran towards him and stopped him from whatever he was doing. “what are you doing?”

“oh? the puppy chased me and stopped me.” he laughed and you just blinked your eyes in confusion. “cats.. dogs.. rain..? you and me? don’t you get it?”

“johnny, cats don’t howl.” you crossed your arms, finally getting what he meant. “let’s go, before we get sick.”

he didn’t say anything and pulled your arm, “i know you hate the rain but…” he trailed off, taking two pairs of airpods. putting one pair to your ears before he put another into his, he played one of coldplay’s biggest hits, and the song that calmed you down- a sky full of stars.

“let’s have some fun.”

the piano melody and the vocals filled the intro, johnny’s head started to follow the beat and sang. and naturally you followed, singing as well. the familiar music slowly building up. when it reached to the one minute and eighteenth mark, as if you and johnny shared the same braincells, started to jump in the rain.

he held your hand and twirled you around, then suddenly doing a crumping move on this medium-paced song, made you laugh. you’d say it out loud that johnny was a good dancer. it even showed when the next song- adventure of a lifetime, was next in queue.

that was where you confirmed he was groovy, pulling a little genre of modern swing. not that you knew how to do that certain dance pairing, but the music and johnny’s energy just made you dance with the flow.

his guided his hands to yours, leading you with his twists and turns. and in parts were the music were on a slight drop, he led you to follow him on certain easy steps.

you also had your share in adding steps and iconic movements, putting a little michael jackson moonwalk in it. johnny pointed at you in surprise, even in earphones, you could hear his laugh.

johnny and yourself probably looked like idiots dancing in the rain on the road towards the highway. but to the both of you, it was special, as you were dealing with heartbreaks in different aspects. music was definitely a de-stresser.

johnny looked at you with admiration. as you danced away in the rain, he felt like he was witnessing something beautiful. though the music was playing, he could hear his heart beating. and his eyes widened when the lyrics mirrored what he was feeling:

“now i feel my heart beating, i feel my heart underneath my skin, oh, you make me feel like i’m alive again.”

he smiled endearingly, he knew he was so attracted to you. he knew you had space in his heart, and he’d gladly give it to you.

you turned around, hair flicking slowly, then your eyes met.

and it was when he realised fully,

that he was starting to fall in love with you.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

taglist: @titanmaknae29 @joepomonerof @lovesuhng @studyingthemind @cheyehc @kyeomooniee @geysuuuuh @mrkleelvr

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sanriokamabodo · 9 months

Text

college!bf douma

A/N: im struggling w writers block + had a heavy day so i decided to write smth i conjured up instead of a request!i will be back in business soon my sweets!heehee<3 if y'all want a part two feel free to ask djdjd

CW's: hes kinda sleazy in the beginning, reader sucks at math. suggestive themes>:) douma is goth in my college au bc i said so. the day i proofread is the day i die!

A psychology major with a minor in religious studies. Doesn't practice any religion himself but finds the subject interesting nevertheless.

Barely studies but somehow manages to pass with flying colours.

That one hookup you regret with all your might, let me elaborate;

Douma tutors math and it's no coincidence he slept with majority of the people he tutored.

No, you're not an exception. Cute try though!

Something about Douma's piercings, his choppy hair that he probably cut himself and his 'don't give a fuck' attitude managed to dissolve your IQ and last bit of self respect around him.

He knows how to give you just enough attention to keep you interested, but little enough for you to purposely screw up your math tests for an excuse to see him.

Yes, he mocked your intelligence by asking if rats ate your brain or whether you were just born this stupid, but the way he ruffled your hair as he fake-pouted at you made something bubble in your stomach.

It's no surprise you ended up with Douma in the men's restroom, a hand smacked tightly over your mouth that day.

You weren't allowed to ride the high of having hooked up with the hottest guy on campus for long.

Throughout the night you were bombarded with messages from your friends, all of them being about Douma. Why didn't you tell them? Was he good? ... Was he big?

You thought your heart was going to thump out of your chest. Sweaty hands refreshing the messages five, ten, twenty times.

This had to be a sick joke, right? Was this Douma's true nature?

About to throw your phone away in defeat, it vibrated once more. You didn't want to look but curiousity got the better of you.

[Douma, 11:06]: I think we need to talk.

Your chest thundered with anger at the message.

[Y/n, 11:07]: You think!?

[Douma, 11.07]: I know you don't owe me anything, but can we please meet somewhere?

[Y/n, 11.08]: I don't feel like showing my face today, thanks:)

We're you being dramatic? Maybe a little. But you were an introverted person. Being known by everyone on campus wasn't on your to-do list, and the reason why just made it that much worse.

[Douma, 11.08]: Text me your adress, I'm coming over.

[Y/n, 11.09]: No.

[Douma, 11.10]: Please, give me a chance to set things straight. I'll fix it, I promise.

You pondered for a moment. Fuck it, what's the worst that could happen? You texted him the address of your dorm and within an hour you heard a knock on your door.

Opening the door Douma stood on your doorstep, looking rather apologetic. You waved him inside, a thankful smile grazed his lips.

"I like what you did with the place."

"Shut up."

"Fair enough." He nodded.

"So..?"

"I did tell my friends we hooked up." He said, making you scoff. He threw his hands up defensively, before you could say anything.

"But! But! I didn't want them to tell everybody else..! They know I like you... a lot."

A small blush across up your cheeks at the sudden confession.

"You like me?"

Now you've done it, Douma started rambling.

"I get really fucking dumb about crushes. I wanted to text you all the time but I didn't want to come across as creepy. I thought we could just... hook up and I would forget about my stupid little crush and of course it just made me like you even more, because c'mon you're hot as fuck." He sighs pinching the bridge of his nose dramatically. "So what I'm trying to say here is that I would really like to make it up to you because I'm really fucking sorry and I would also really, really like to take you on a date and have a fresh start, please?" A shy smile painted his features.

You laughed. You were stupid if you were to deny him like this, especially considering you really liked him too.

"I'd love to go on a date with you."

#wow i .. actually ... kinda like how this turned out?#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #anime #kny #demon slayer fluff #douma #douma headcanons #douma x reader #douma imagine

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caffeinewitchcraft · 1 year

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How did you find the courage to start posting online?

Finding courage is actually why I started this blog!

I’ve always loved writing. The first book I wrote was in high school (and very rarely sees the light of day) back in 2010. I gave short stories to my family for Christmas in 2011 and I did write a little bit of fanfic back then.

But I never tried to query my work and I never posted anything online. I felt like my work wasn’t good enough for a multitude of reasons - too short, too long, choppy dialogue, not interesting, wrong punctuation, etc

Then I went to college and I studied English/psychology/writing for a little bit. One of my writing professors really pushed me to consider publishing (at that point I was on track to get a psychology degree) and I realized that that’s what I wanted. I wanted to be a published writer

But I was too scared!

I was frozen for years. I would write all these stories for fun and never had anywhere to put them. After I left the cult (lol) I ended up not having many friends to read my work either. I had my sister and my best friend from high school (both of whom I owe a lot) and they lived in a different city for most of that time.

College was a really bad time for me all around. I don’t talk about it that much because I very dearly want to be someone who can heal from trauma. But my writing at that time was viciously angry. I felt like I couldn’t share it because it would show everyone how awful I was. So I didn’t post online then either!

I left school and became an EMT with this idea that I was going to be a writer but I still couldn’t bring myself to query. “I need to experience more of life to write,” I thought. “I’m not good enough yet. The things I write are all too depressing or too escapist. One day I’ll write something amazing and I’ll know it and go from there.”

It was during that time (around 2016) that I honestly got sick of myself. I had a lot of insecurities and life was very difficult. It’s hard to explain exactly where my head was at. See, up until the creation of this blog, I was putting writing as a low priority in my life. I was going to keep driving an ambulance. I was going to go back to school. I was going to only engage In The practical side of writing (copy writing) and do other Meaningful Work like driving ambulances or maybe going to law school

But I wanted to write. And I knew I was scared. And I knew that part of what was holding me back were all these expectations from my family and from myself that I needed to focus on finding a career rather than in what made me so happy

So I made this blog! “No one I know will see this,” I thought. “I don’t have to tell them. I can write whatever I’d like without having to worry about hurting anyones feelings or making anyone upset.”

Well, I did make people upset! Hahahah, for some reason 22 yo me wrote a prompt fill of God trying to set up Satan with a guy. A looooot of people (like 6 which seemed like a lot at the time!) sent me messages about how awful I was for writing that and how I needed to take it down

Instead of taking it down or stopping writing, I looked at why I wrote what I did. I’m Pagan. Wby did I feel driven to write a story about God?

The prompt used language I disagreed with (I believe it called satan “a homosexual” like those old anti gay propaganda films) and I wanted to write something that was more positive and nuanced. The story accepted the idea that, at one point, being gay was a sin (I was just coming out at that point as well.) But I also wrote a God that was flawed, who recognized their flaws, and admitted that they made a mistake by trying to control love like that. God apologized to Satan for making him feel he was wrong and that he couldn’t love who he wanted. That story meant something to me who, despite being from an amazingly supportive family, still worried about people being jerks when I went out in public with my girlfriend.

And after looking at all that, I stood by my story. That’s important to why I keep posting online. I stand by what I write. Even if nobody enjoys a story, I like it. And so it stays up.

(Though I will admit that some aspects I’ve had to improve myself on. I had one person point out that I only used Anglo-Saxon names for all my characters. Meaning I only wrote white characters. So, after a lot of googling and reading, I set out to diversify my work! I wrote Firebreather after that, starring Nadezh and I am so obsessed with her.)

I kept the God prompt up and started receiving positive comments on it! I started writing more prompt fills. I’d write after hard 12 hour shifts. I’d write while in the ambulance. I wrote a very popular story from my phone!

I’m very, very lucky! I’ve always received very positive feedback on my stories here. There are people who won’t ever know it but they supported me through very difficult times.

Why have I written all of this? I definitely haven’t shared everything about my writing journey, or my life journey, but these are the highlights. Why share such a long answer to a very straightforward question?

Because I want you to have the context for when I say that the courage to post online comes from a deep and unending love for writing. For your own writing. For the magic that writing helps you create, for the excitement of finishing a story, for the thrill of understanding yourself a little better.

For me, the creation of this blog was an act of self love. I’ve said that on here before. I took an amazing gamble and I won! By posting online, I forced myself to confront my writing head on. People were seeing it and commenting on it, good and bad, and it forced me to interact with my work in a way I hadn’t before.

I started being able to look at my writing from a distance. There were some warts, for sure. But I looked at it and loved it all the same.

I stopped being so ashamed and fearful. My whole family knows about my writing now (that’s actually how I came out as bi to a few of them lmao) and I’ve self-published my own work.

I will say, that I’ve been very lucky on Tumblr. My experience doesn’t seem to be very typical and my blog is a bit more popular than I ever intended! I’m very grateful and blown away by it still.

Courage comes from confidence. Fake it til you make it! I used anonymity as a shield until I gained enough confidence to own my work proudly.

Thanks for the ask and thanks for bearing with my long response. I’ll most likely talk about how posting online affected my mental state and career more at a later date :)

Tl;dr: Love your writing unconditionally. Accept its flaws and know that you have the ability to improve it.

#caffeine answers #long post

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