#overdose (mention) tw

[theshadowrealmitself]

Pet shop of horrors was one of my favorite mangas growing up (I haven’t read it in forever so I don’t know if anything aged horribly, but from memory it was fantastic and you need to read it immediately, there’s also a mini anime series but I don’t know if it’s good) and the bunny one still messes me up to this day (spoilers ahead)

So a quick overview of it is that Count D runs a pet shop, and all the animals in it are actually supernatural that appear to be humans to Count D and customers, and he always warns people on how to take care of the pets when they buy one, but they always ignore his warnings and end up dead, and this detective just knows Count D is related to the murders but can’t prove anything (especially since the animals actually look like animals to him)(there’s so much other stuff going on this manga please, please read it, it’s so great)

And the bunny one is that this couple recently lost their daughter and decide to get a pet to help them with their grief, so they go to Count D who introduces them to this bunny, except the bunny looks like their dead daughter, so obviously they get the bunny

And Count D’s like “even though this looks like a human to you, this is still a bunny, so do not give the bunny any candy” (at least I remember the rule being to not give it candy), and they’re like “we understand” and go home and celebrate over having their “daughter” “back”

And at some point (I wanna say this happens almost immediately?), the bunny looks up at the mom with pleading eyes and asks for candy and the mom caves, which leads to this horrifying outcome of small bunnies (that actually look like bunnies this time) clawing their way out of the main bunny and then I think killing the parents? before all dying themselves because bunnies can’t have candy

And it turned out that that’s kinda how their daughter originally died too, the mom could never say no to her, and when their daughter was in rehab, she begged her mom for more drugs, and her mom slipped her some because she couldn’t say no to her and thought a little bit wouldn’t hurt, and it led to her overdosing (again this is all from memory because I’m scared to pick up the manga again and not have it live up to my nostalgia, so apologies if I got anything wrong)

And that just still messes me up, like she clearly loved her daughter, you can’t deny that, but she couldn’t do right by her, because instead of giving her what she needed, she just kept giving her what she wanted, and it killed her daughter, her daughter’s replacement, and even her and her husband in the end

And I just think if that was in more things (accidentally killing the person you love because you love them and you don’t understand that it’s because you love them that you should say no and disappoint them at times) it would mess me up even more but I’d go feral for it

#the angst of being a cloth mommy #overdose mention tw #does this need any other trigger warnings? #pet shop of horrors #count d #please everyone get into this manga it’s so great #at least in my memory #(and also ship count d and the detective together with me)

[lifeinpoetry]

Now that I'm thinking of it, I've gone full circle with using ED behaviors. Started as a form of self-harm to becoming unhealthily underweight to deciding to giving up the ED in my very early 20s (21, maybe?) to taking another 12-14 years (?) to give up all ED behaviors to using ED behaviors as self-harm for a good long while. I'm not anticipating it going full blown or anything but it took my psych saying, not all EDs have to be based in trying to get thin, that I was like, yeah maybe.

I feel very divorced from my body.

Oh, and apparently the stomach pain I've been dealing with since my very early 20s is gallstones though not infected or causing a blockage. I also have a fatty liver. Had to gently remind everyone that even though I'm fat my father had gallstones starting when he was a very thin teen and I was thin when my stomach pain problems started. I've also taken a fair few overdoses, 3 (?) of which needed emergency care and of course, nearly 25 years of being on psych meds.

People who should know better only see your body when you're fat and forget your entire medical history.

What was refreshing was that the kind woman who did my stomach ultrasound said that the fatty liver was likely because of my meds and never once mentioned my weight.

#personal #ed tw #suicide attempt mention tw #overdose mention tw #drugs tw

[pigtailpoll]

PIGTAIL POLL !! :D

currently running :

lily hoshikawa vs orange blossom

ICON BRACKET

miku hatsune vs usagi tsukino

ABOUT THA ICON BRACKET : tha eight most iconic pigtail characters ( decided both by iconicness and tha amount of submissions they received ) will compete in an adjacent bracket . tha winner will then face off against tha winner of tha main pigtail bracket . this is liek what they do in sports , where certain teams get to skip matches and go straight to tha finals . this way icons can be included but its more exciting ( and fair ) than watching them decimate their opponents each round before making it to tha finals anyways

entire 128 character bracket is too large to take a screenshot of but it looks liek this , and will ( obviously ) be done in sections . bracket list below tha readmore , straight down tha left side and then straight down tha right !! :D

LEFT SIDE

1 asa mitaka ( chainsaw man )

2 izumo kamiki ( ao no exorcist )

3 ashley spinelli ( reccess )

4 creepie ( growing up creepie )

5 bloody eye ( bloody mary )

6 boo ( monsters inc )

7 choso ( jjk )

8 muffet ( undertale )

9 sakura hanazono ( kaichou wa maid-sama )

10 mikan sakura ( gakuen alice )

11 shizuku mizutani ( my little monster )

12 retoree ( show by rock )

13 chiyo mihama ( azumanga diaoh )

14 maka albarn ( soul eater )

15 black rock shooter ( brs )

16 lyra ( pkmn )

17 jill ( drill dozer )

18 penny ( inspector gadget )

19 elizabeth midford ( kuroshitsuji )

20 anne halford ( sugar apple fairy tale )

21 lilie ( princess tutu )

22 jess ( badanamu )

23 yaya yuki ( shugo chara )

24 sana futaba ( magia record : pmm )

25 sana kurata ( kodomo no omocha )

26 makima kirameki ( re : creators )

27 cherry cookie ( cookie run )

28 twintelle ( ARMS )

29 bubbles utonium ( ppg )

30 yokune ruko ( UTAU )

31 entrapta ( she-ra and the pop )

32 ling xiaoyu ( tekken )

33 garu ( pucca )

34 sarasa watanabe ( kageki shoujo )

35 mio naganohara ( nichijou )

36 joon yorigami ( touhou )

37 eleanor miller ( alvin and the chipmunks )

38 gosalyn mallard ( darkwing duck )

39 mallow ( pkmn )

40 love momozono ( fresh precure )

41 nadeshiko kagamihara ( yuru camp )

42 angelica pickles ( rugrats )

43 gretchen grundler ( reccess )

44 lotta zehybe ( charlie and lola )

45 pinky cooper ( pinky and pepper forever )

46 brat plutonium ( ppg )

47 dynamo ( ppg )

48 jinmay ( super robot money team hyperforce go )

49 xinyan ( genshin impact )

50 miyuki hoshizora ( smile precure )

51 hu tao ( genshin impact )

52 sal fisher ( sally face )

53 natsuki mamiya ( gogo sentai boukenger )

54 dee dee ( dexter's laboratory )

55 princess morbucks ( ppg )

56 trixie carter ( american dragon jake long )

57 popuko ( pop team epic )

58 biscuit krueger ( hunter x hunter )

59 celestia ludenberg ( dangan ronpa )

60 kagami hiiragi ( lucky star )

61 juliet starling ( lollipop chainsaw )

62 ruru amour ( hug itto! precure )

63 aki narukami ( misao )

64 rabi en rose ( di gi charat )

RIGHT SIDE

65 brianna dulce ( rainbow high )

66 aria blaze ( mlp : equestria girls )

67 ame-chan ( needy girl overdose )

68 aoi kanzaki ( kimetsu no yaiba )

69 sylvia christel ( no more heroes )

70 ginger breadhouse ( ever after high )

71 kohane azusawa ( project sekai )

72 bronya zaychik ( honkai impact 3rd )

73 saki tenma ( project sekai )

74 riruka dokugamine ( bleach )

75 draculara ( monster high )

76 ichigo momomiya ( tokyo mew mew )

77 ann takamaki ( persona 5 )

78 yayoi takatsuki ( THE iDOLM@STER )

79 hana makihatayama ( ojamajo doremi )

80 nina sakura ( ultra maniac )

81 rise kujikawa ( persona 4 )

82 shushang ( honkai star rail )

83 mei kusakabe ( my neighbor totoro )

84 lily hoshikawa ( zombie land saga )

85 dj cookie ( cookie run )

86 pippi longstocking ( pippi longstocking )

87 pink ( mahou shoujo magical destroyers )

88 piper pinwheeler ( robots )

89 valerie amaranth ( magical warrior diamond heart )

90 twin turbo ( uma musume : pretty derby )

91 tart ( tokyo mew mew )

92 nagisa shiota ( assassination classroom )

93 drossel von flügel ( fireball )

94 najika kazami ( kitchen princess )

95 chinatsu kuramoto ( flying witch )

96 vendetta ( making friends )

97 sorano appare ( appare-ranman! )

98 sunny madison ( rainbow high )

99 jenny wakeman ( my life as a teenage robot )

100 barbara ( genshin impact )

101 nico yazawa ( love live! )

102 ichika usami ( kirakira precure a la mode )

103 ruli ( aikatsu planet!)

104 hay lin ( w.i.t.c.h )

105 teto kasane ( UTAU )

106 marnie ( pkmn )

107 robin ( f ) ( fire emblem awakening )

108 hikaru hoshina ( star twinkle precure )

109 hilda valentine goneril ( fire emblem : three houses )

110 falulu ( pripara )

111 kagura izumi ( ressha sentai toqger )

112 nico niiyama ( kiznaiver )

113 tsunade ( naruto )

114 lucia nanami ( mermaid melody pichi pichi pitch )

115 raki kiseki ( aikatsu on parade! )

116 ranmaru kirino ( inazuma eleven go! )

117 emiru aisaki ( hug itto! precure )

118 q84 ( hello charlotte )

119 nozomi tojo ( love live! )

120 klee ( genshin impact )

121 mimi valentine ( vtube )

122 gerti giggles ( spy kids )

123 kitty cheshire ( ever after high )

124 orange blossom ( strawberry shortcake )

125 miku imamura ( denji sentai megaranger )

126 agitha ( loz : twilight princess )

127 glenda ( petite princess yucie )

128 pepper ( pinky and pepper forever )

#pinned #pigtailpoll #pigtail poll #overdose mention tw #in tha title of a source if you open tha bracket list !!

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

Primetober Day 3: Stalkers Tango, with all three extra themes (scopophobia, stalking, and “You’re like a little bug”).

Canon compliant. Tommy's first night after Wilbur leaves, he panics over the idea of Dream watching him with no one to comfort him, and he gets an idea on how to avoid the watching eyes. Warnings for suicidal thoughts, self-isolation, stalking, extreme paranoia, feelings of resentment and abandonment towards abuse being dismissed, abuse in general, animal abuse (as a metaphor), reckless drug use, and talk of overdosing.

ao3 link

Tommy couldn’t sleep.

He’d thrown together the bunker as quickly as he could, petrified to even take a step in the open now Wilbur was gone. He wasn’t stupid- he knew Wilbur couldn’t fight Dream, but he had a silver tongue and a sharp wit. If Dream took him, Wilbur would have whipped up some sort of rescue, and Dream might be strong but he couldn’t take on people like fucking Technoblade. And while it was a morbid thought, at the least, it’d give Tommy time to run if Dream killed Wilbur first.

Now that Wilbur was gone, there was nothing stopping Dream from killing Tommy, dragging his corpse into whatever hellish prison he wanted, and then making good on his promise of toying with him forever and ever. Nothing at all. Not even the slightest fear of retribution or even inconvenience. No one would notice Tommy was even gone. Hell, Tommy had the inkling that half of them wouldn’t give a shit even if Dream did the torture right in front of them. They might even have cheered.

So, not wanting to be a Primes be damned chew toy until the end of time, Tommy didn’t exactly put much effort into making it livable. Survivable? Sure, he had a small garden of potatoes set up- just enough to keep him alive, if he rationed it, though he knew when things got this bad, it’d be hard to force himself to eat even that much. But as for living, he had nothing to keep himself occupied, nothing to remind him of happy memories, and the closest thing he had to a bed was Dream’s old ratty cloak he gave him in exile.

(Tommy hated it, and hated himself for it, but it was the only thing that numbed the nightmares. At least a little.)

So there he was, shivering on the cold, hard floor, curled up in his torturer's old cape like it was somehow a comfort. Dream would laugh if he saw him there, clinging onto the blood-stained fabric like a lifeline, like he was the obedient little pawn he was in exile.

If he saw him there. Ha. Very funny.

Tommy wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t, he wasn’t, no matter what everyone said. He could feel Dream’s eyes on him, piercing and cruelly curious, even if he couldn’t see him. And it wasn’t- it wasn’t paranoia or any of that shit he and Puffy had figured out existed looking through that old DSM-whatever book. It wasn’t. Dream had been in his walls before, and Tommy knew those tunnels still existed, right underneath the prison, where Dream was when Wilbur- when he was fucking stupid. When he gave Tommy the worst parting memory, except maybe their actual parting memory.

He still wasn’t sure if Wilbur had lied and disappeared under the waves. Tried to hide that from him. Sometimes, he wanted to join him, underneath the ocean, but if he did so, then Dream would just bring him back and it’d hurt. So he just longed for it.

Prime, when he was young and stupid, he thought it was funny that Dream was… well, a Primes be damned stalker. After all, it was Dream. The man he idolised, the hero of the Manhunts he always loved to watch, the founder of a brand new server! He thought Dream was so cool, and the idea of Dream being interested in him at all was so exciting it didn’t matter that he was a little overbearing.

Now, he’d give anything for that fucking monster to not have ever laid his eyes and his hands on him. He hated Dream, but not in the way where you’re full of vengeance and murder and stabby shit. He hated Dream in the way where he just didn’t want to ever have to think about him again.

Yeah, that’d be nice. To leave this dumpster fire of a server behind, go buy a little cottage in the middle of nowhere where Dream wouldn’t find him (because he knew that just leaving the server wouldn’t stop him), and live a quiet life. Get some cows, start a farm. Maybe learn to draw properly or something- he enjoyed sketching shit, even if it looked like something a six-year-old drew with their eyes closed, and he could make a living if he got real good at it, probably.

He could have had that if Wilbur just fucking asked if he wanted to go to Utah with him. They didn’t even have to stay together or whatever. They could have never seen each other again, and that’d be fine. Tommy would have been free from the pins through his metaphorical wings (and possibly through his literal wings, considering Dream’s threats), and he could be happy. But Wilbur was fucking stupid, and didn’t listen to him about Dream ever.

And now he’d never see Wilbur again and Dream would torture him forever and he’d probably end up killing Wilbur anyway and it’d all be Tommy’s fault for not begging on his hands and knees to protect him from the threat it seemed only he knew about.

He didn’t know how others couldn’t feel it. Dream’s eyes on him, that is. They were piercing, like a lance through his stomach, pinning him to the ground, like an insect pinned to a board, a specimen on display. He could feel the pressure every time he breathed, could see pinpricks of green in every shadow. They had to know, right? Dream didn’t even bother to hide his obsession, seeing his fascination with him as something that was as natural as breathing.

Maybe they just didn’t care. Maybe they just thought of him as a little bug, too.

Little bug. Little pest. The words felt like knives tearing through his skin, again and again and again, repeating in his head. Dream had called him that so much, usually in annoyed tones, sometimes in the affectionate way Wilbur might have called him a child. An animal, an annoyance, something to be displayed and studied, not treated like a person.

That wasn’t even how you were meant to treat bugs, really. Bugs were great and beautiful and deserved love and kindness, and anyone who hurt them should kill themselves, in his unbiased personal opinion. Especially spiders, who were amazing in every way and were very warm to cuddle at night when they were big like Shroud.

It made Tommy feel sick to wonder where he was now. Surely, Dream had tracked him down, and… y’know, did what he did to Mushroom Henry. One day he’d awaken to the corpse of his precious angel baby boy, and he knew it.

But Dream didn’t see it that way- and maybe no one else did. Maybe they agreed with Dream, that bugs were to have their wings pinned and displayed in a glass case. Except people usually allowed butterflies the mercy of death- Dream far preferred to watch him squirming and trying to pull his bleeding gossamer free.

Watching, watching, watching. Always watching.

Tommy knew the exact look on Dream’s face, the almost innocent childlike curiosity on his face, the crookedness of his smile, the burn of his gaze worse than a million deaths. Watching, watching, watching. Always. Always. Whenever he was around Dream, even back when he thought he was cool as shit, he’d always had his eyes directly on him- it was obvious, even with his dumb mask, his gaze so intensely trained on Tommy that he often missed out on things around him.

And… it was something he could feel. That wasn’t some fucking dumb exaggeration. He could feel the weight of Dream’s gaze upon him, and he felt it constantly. He only felt free from that agony once Dream was in prison- he’d felt those watching eyes before he’d heard the sirens. It made Tommy feel like he wasn’t real, like he was a thing on display, or maybe a character in a book, and it gnawed at his mind and his soul.

Tommy hated being watched so much. So, so much. He would have done anything to avoid the idea of anyone, anyone at all, gazing upon his face ever again. Even Wilbur or Tubbo. Back when Shroud was around, even his adorable little eight eyes made him feel like he was gonna be sick.

Gazing at the potion stand haphazardly thrown across a hastily-placed platform, an idea crossed his mind. He knew how to brew shit from Wilbur, but Wil had always monitored anything he took to ensure he didn’t overdose. Vaguely, he remembered the concentration and ingredients to make an invisibility potion, the strongest possible. The type Wilbur would never let him take.

Almost in a haze, Tommy stumbled up, towards the brewing stand. At least if he overdosed, no one would find his body. No one would see him ever again, and Tommy could spend eternity in Limbo forever, certain he’d never be watched, ever again.

#my writing #cprimetober #suicidal thoughts tw #Isolation tw #stalking tw #abuse tw #drug abuse tw #overdose mention tw #dream smp #c!primeboys

[mcnstercus]

closed starter - ren & maggie ( @mdrakos​ )

When he got the call from Maggie, Ren didn’t wait a second to rush there. That was surprising for Ren, especially when it had to do with hospitals. He had his own traumas there, his diagnosis with diabetes, a few injuries from work, and even an overdose. That wasn’t why he hated hospitals, he remembers the smells of the hospital the day he brought his son in and never left, he remembers walking in after hearing about his ex-girlfriend. Every sight and sound of a hospital made Ren go rigid, and the thought of Maggie hurt, her daughter even more made him feel cursed. Ren didn’t do good losing people, and it made him crave for a fix albeit being clean for so long. 

Ren didn’t care though, the only thoughts running through his head was to make sure Maggie was okay. He was panicked, he knew they were talking, but he needed to make sure, he thought maybe it was the firefighter in him that made him feel that way. Ren pulled to loosen his tie when he walked in, going up to the front desk. “Hi, I’m looking for Maggie Drakos, she and another girl came in a few hours ago?” the lady working the front desk pointed down the hall and he rushed that way, looking for her. “Maggie?” he said, gasping lightly when he saw her, “Oh my God, Maggie.” He wanted to hug her, but he was scared to hurt her more. So he refrained to check her out, with what looked like burns. “What happened?”

#overdose mention tw #addiction mention tw #c:renmaggie #renmaggie #kelly #c:ren #chats

[oflowtides]

closed starter for @backpockct​ (jay) location: sissy’s apartment

Sissy’s relationship with her brother could only be described as tumultuous.  While she tried to stay busy while he got into drugs, it seemed to only cause the divide between them to grow larger, and she was almost convinced there was no way to get him back - until he overdosed.  Staying close to where he was in rehab was all but necessary in her mind, and when he was finally able to be released, she was there, whether he wanted her there or not.

“You could stay here for a while, if you wanted.”  Not that he probably wanted to, but she felt like she had to ask.  “At least until you get things situated.”  A long pause fell between them before she spoke again.  “I really missed you.”

#sissy garrett-thorsen ; threads #sissy and jay 1 #drug mention tw #overdose mention tw #you didnt' ask for this but i wanted to help establish the connection and background etc <3

[masquenoire]

“Dead?! What the fuck do you mean they’re dead?!?” Roman snarled, apoplectic with rage at the news he’d just received. The piles of paperwork littering his desk scattered like leaves in the wind as he slammed his fists down heavily upon solid wood, the gesture doing nothing to appease his foul mood and only fuelling it further when Horsehead’s suspicions had been proven true. Business on the streets had been sinking like a corpse in Gotham Bay for some weeks now. Naturally there were slow periods from time to time, so Roman hadn’t been overly concerned after the first week but then profits only continued to decline, with today turning up less than a few hundred measly dollars. A few hundred fucking measly dollars! His profits had never been that bad, not even when he was a fresh-faced rookie for crying out loud, so where had all his customers disappeared to? Turned out they hadn’t just disappeared, they’d been turning up dead all over the city, many of them familiar names who’d bought from him for years. Now all of a sudden they were dropping like flies in just a few weeks? It didn’t make any sense and because of that, Roman was pissed. "So what the hell happened then?? And don’t tell me, they all decided to join a doomsday cult? The crap we sell is clean so it can’t have been that killing them all!” The muscle, those slack-jawed idiots shuffled on their feet uncomfortably, not one brave soul amongst them daring to lift his gaze for fear of getting a punch to the jaw for his trouble. Even Ms. Li didn’t have a smart quip for once which didn’t make him feel any better. Rocco was merely a dog, blissly unaware and uncaring of the situation that had befallen his master and Roman envied the mutt for the briefest of moments, wishing life could only be so simple. Horsehead was the only one who seemed composed, but the rubbery white equine mask he always wore concealed any and all expressions from others. ”Word on the streets is that bad drugs have gotten into Gotham and they’re coming from your territory. No idea what they are or where they came from just yet, but it’s bad stuff. Real bad. The GCPD claim twenty victims have turned up dead this week and they’re finding more and more bodies every day. Buyers are getting nervous so they’re staying away, you know... just in case they’re next.” ”No fucking shit. This is bad for business!” Roman snapped, running a hand over his blackened scalp. Today was turning out to be an absolute disaster. Roman didn’t give a rat’s ass about some random dropheads too stupid to know not to OD themselves but he did care about his reputation and how badly profits would be hit should people believe these lies being spread about him being the one distributing whatever the fuck was killing his regulars. Ever since the fiasco that caused him to lose Janus Cosmetics, Roman always double-checked his deals and made sure he’d gotten exactly what he’d been promised. Poisoned drugs were not what he desired - the dead didn’t come back for another fix and now he was out of pocket and liable to end up in serious shit if he didn’t get a handle on this situation quickly. It was only a matter of time before the bat brigade came snooping, if they hadn’t been doing so already, and tossed his ass in Arkham. Worse still, Red Hood might believe he was responsible for these killer drugs snuffing out people all over the city and would do a hell of a lot more than just breaking his bones and dragging him back to the slammer. And Roman really didn’t feel like dealing with that asshole today. Unfortunately, Horsehead seemed to read his mind and commented further before he could say anything against it. ”Why not contact Red Hood? He can’t be worse than the Joker, plus you might find out what the hell’s going on around here.” ”Have you lost your fucking mind, Horsehead??? The last time we dealt with that asshole, he nearly blew our previous building to Kingdom Come with a goddamn ROCKET LAUNCHER!!! Or did you miss that newsflash somehow??” ”That’s because he wanted to make a good first impression. Next time we might not be so fortunate, especially if he thinks these rumors are true. Shoot first, think later and all that.” Roman gritted his teeth, seething at what he was hearing but knew he didn’t have any better suggestions. For all his issues, Red Hood didn’t target civilians so he couldn’t be the one responsible for the killer drugs either. He would not poison a bunch of random people just to make up an excuse to come after his enemies, he did so anyway regardless so there weren’t many other options avaliable and like hell was he running to the Bat.

”Fine. Send a message to Red Hood, tell that prick we need to talk. Where and when, I don’t give a damn - somebody’s trying to set up shop or cause trouble between us, one or both and I ain’t interesting in taking the blame for this mess.” The muscle, who had been watching this exchange nearly breathed out a collective sigh of relief as Roman signalled for them to go, clearly wanting to formulate a plan with Horsehead in private. They did so quickly, coming up with the idea that the equine-masked man would instruct a new underling, one of the most harmless members they had on hand to get the vigilante’s attention and let him know Black Mask needed to discuss a delicate matter at a time and place of his choosing, preferably sooner than later. Roman sighed once Horsehead also left, collapsing back in his seat and pouring himself a shot of whiskey which he downed fiercely. What a way to start the week. At least he’d caught wind of this situation early, and would soon root out the little rat bastard who’d poisoned half his regulars and scared off the rest. Horsehead’s words rang in his mind, that Red Hood couldn’t be worse than the Joker. Roman had a hard time believing it but what options did he have at this point? He had to make his move before anybody else did and stop this from getting any worse than it already had. @jp-todd-rp​

#jp-todd-rp #I am so sorry it took so long #Chip: Yeah I'll have that starter done for you tomorrow #Two weeks later: #And I'm sorry it went on for so LONG #I don't mind shorter responses if that works better for you #Let me know if anything needs changing! #And if this doesn't work we can try something else! #I wrote this once before and the draft got deleted asdfghj #Fingers crossed this goes through okay #drugs tw #drugs cw #death mention tw #death mention cw #overdose mention tw #overdose mention cw

[bpdstevenuniverse]

// TRIGGER WARNING - suicidal thoughts, past suicide attempt and suicide

Perhaps one of the biggest curses that torment me is my severe self blame.

I learned very early on that every bad thing that happens in my life is my fault. My family treating me like shit is my fault. Everyone at school hating and rejecting me is my fault.

When I was sixteen, my dad told me right to my face that I was just a liability. That I was a financial burden. I'm a burden to my family to this day in every single aspect, mainly because I'm mentally ill and I struggle living like a functional human being.

And truly, I feel like I only get in the way. I feel useless. The way my family vents all their feelings to me just fucks with my head. Even if they don't intentionally do it, hearing them go on and on about how tired they are of their lives, of their financial situations, it makes me feel like I'm the cause of their suffering. That I just make everything and everyone's lives difficult. I feel guilty for things that I know aren't my fault and should never be.

I felt guilty for nearly a decade because I believed that my mom almost killed herself because I gave her the medication, except I had had no idea she would try to take her own life with it. But not only that, I feel like I should've taken care of her better, because she was alone in her room, presumably with a migraine, and I just spent the whole day in the computer. That's when my dad arrived, desperate, to take my mom to the hospital while I was helplessly left alone at home, unsure if she would even come back home.

And to this day I blame myself for the girl I first kissed killing herself. Because I knew that she'd tried to die previously, and she told me how lonely she was feeling just a few days before she died. Although I told her that she could count on me, and we unfortunately weren't close yet, I still feel like I should've done more. I feel like I didn't do enough to keep her here. But no, when I got the news, she was already gone.

I just feel like I'm going to fucking ruin things. I'm going to screw things up over and over again. I'm going to hurt people and corrupt them like my parents corrupted me. I really, truly feel like there's no hope for me, because these thoughts simply won't leave my head.

No matter what I do to NOT feel guilty, my mind will instantly grow heavy like a storm, and all I want is to silence it.

#trauma #childhood trauma #cptsd #emotional abuse #emotional neglect #financial abuse #dysfunctional parents #dysfunctional family #actuallybpd #actuallybipolar #actuallydepressed #actually mentally ill #suicide tw #suicidal thoughts tw #suicide attempt tw #death tw #overdose mention tw #venting #personal #my journal #actuallybullied

[cartelheir]

i planned to make a fancy page for this but tumblr ruined my day,  so have a quick summary of some of the most important npcs in pat’s life:

javier carosella:  father,  deceased.   used to be a very powerful drug lord  ( his notoriety was comparable to the likes of el c/hapo or pablo e/scobar ).   it’s completely okay to have your muse recognize pat’s surname.   he and pat were very close,  and his death when she was 13 absolutely crushed her.   now,  she’s grown to think of her father in a very idealized way that’s perhaps not that accurate to who he actually was,  and she still misses him dearly.

luisa ríos:   mother.   in some verses she’s dead after an overdose,  in others she’s still alive and living in texas with the money pat gives her every month.   they have a very turbulent relationship and more often than not they don’t get along.   although pat constantly makes excuses for her and tries to remedy their relationship,  it’s undeniable that luisa has caused her a lot of hurt.

benjamín ortíz:   the worst of them all.   more details about him can be found at pat’s  about page,  or else this would get too long.   they have a very abusive on-and-off relationship,  and pat secretly plots his demise.

matteo brancato:   half-brother on luisa’s side.   luisa had him at only 15 years of age and left him with her sister,  who took him in as her own son.   he and pat only met when pat was 16 years old,  and although it was a difficult period of pat’s life,  they became very close friends.   in verses such as the runaway verse,  it’s him she comes to for help and they live together for a few months.

#tag later bc i haven't figured out my new tags yet #there are other npcs i want to add but i'll do those later #overdose mention tw

[djmonroeoliveira]

don’t tell my mom - self para

mentioned: @gretafms; ; @lukaplan; @hyerichvi​; @chasewilliams​

tw: drug use, overdose mention, hospital

it had been only an hour, yet it already feels longer, monroe couldn’t stop pacing around the waiting room, she wouldn’t let anyone know, but her hands have been shaking at the sight she had witnessed, a stretcher being taken out from the club, it didn’t take her much to know who was on it, a silent scream before she finally manages to call out for her.

“t-that’s—mom!”

monroe has just gotten back from notre dame a few weeks ago, she had to look for a job, start on her own, look for a place to live. she had left everything almost a year ago when she left with chase and now, she’s come back to nothing, only the clothes on her back and the bag she been carrying around for days. she had been desperate, not knowing where to start over since she never thought she’d be back again in this place after a while. she wasn’t the type of person who plans her life out, which definitely shows now, with how she just packed everything she can and came back home. she had no choice at this point and had to pick up on her old ways just to survive even just a day.

as she was walking around town, she finds herself in front of this fancy place, claymore. monroe has never been inside and she had found herself walking in, duffel bag in hand, and right off the bat she notices is some woman by the bar, a drink in hand, she looked very into what she was reading. it seemed easy, swiping the purse right off the counter without her noticing, she swears she tried, it might be the fact that she’s rusty, or she hadn’t thought this one out well, but…

“what do you think you’re doing?”

monroe’s eyes have never left the room’s floor tiles, quietly counting the tiles in her head while she distracts herself from the exhaustion starting to creep on her. it wasn’t just greta who was rushed to the hospital, there were hyeri...chase...it was just too much for her to handle all in one night. to lose these people close to her, and to be in such place she couldn’t be in since that tragedy a decade ago...she needs to swallow her fear being in such place for years and be there, for hyeri, for chase, for her mother.

she snaps out of the voice calling out for her, it was for the people who have been waiting for greta hightower. she tried to listen to everything that the doctor said, but only picked out that she was alright and now resting in her room. she felt like she was showered by great relief, yet still, she had been distressed, anxious, whatever you call it, all she knows is she’ll only calm down if she sees the woman herself.

my problems were her problems, now, i don't wanna 'cause trouble at all, i don't want the call…

“greta…”

a couple of tired knocks on the door, it was four o’clock in the morning, and this was the nearest place she could get to, she had been working and then partying all night at club envy, she’d been handed by something that would apparently make her night better. and now she felt like she was going to crash any moment. she heard a scramble inside, and it didn’t take long for the woman to open to door, and monroe swore, she would’ve crashed on the other, it was a smart move gripping on the door frame that tight.

“you’re like…the mom i’ve never had, my own mom never even wanted me…”

she murmurs, before passing out face down on her couch. it became a normal occurrence that she’ll wake up to lydia poking her cheek in the morning, thinking that she wasn’t that much alive. that place—that couch, had become monroe’s home for years of hours long parties at club envy that most of them are a blur to her, sometimes she doesn’t even remember getting there. though the older woman never questioned that, and monroe was more than grateful.

don't worry about me, just worry about you…

it took a lot for monroe not to sprint towards greta’s room the second she was told where she was. it had been a long night and the dj hasn’t slept a wink, she knew she couldn’t even if she tried. she’ll only be able to calm down if she sees her mom herself, that she was alive and breathing. and the second she sees her the other lying on the hospital bed, she breaks down to tears, knees almost becoming weak when she rushes to greta’s side.

“mom—i’m—i’m s-sorry.” monroe finally chokes out, carefully holding on to her hand before she continues to speak. “i can’t lose you—i’ve lost enough in my life i don’t think i take more…i can’t do any more of this, mom…”

monroe had always been walking to club envy every single night whenever she has to work due to the fact that she couldn’t last a second inside any car, given her trauma from the past that not one person in this town knows, it was just a matter of preference, something she’d say to people, especially to greta all the time whenever her situation is being brought up, and thankfully, as always, the woman chooses not to delve into the thought deeper, instead, she had monroe meet her outside her place one day.

“holy shit—you remembered!” monroe hasn’t smiled like that much, but it was due for her to do so, she’d never shut up about the scrambler in front of her to greta whenever she sees photos of the motorbike, she had been always wanting to get her hands on it, customize the whole thing to her liking. it was one of those few best days she’s ever had ever since they’ve met.

monroe wakes up by greta’s side, in the most uncomfortable position she’s ever slept in, or if that’s anything close to having sleep. she had been very sensitive to her surroundings, the non-stop beeping of the monitor, the hushed voices and footsteps just outside the room, greta’s breathing—which is somehow something that gives monroe a peace of mind. not that it makes everything better, what’s important is, she is alive, and she was right there.

and she remembers that day, still. in fact, it was the only thing she remembers about it.

the sight scared her, regardless of how different their situations were when they’ve both ended up in this same position, she was now starting to make sense of the day she woke up to greta, along with lunara never leaving her side, even though fatigue was evident on their features. she could only imagine the pain they’ve been through before when she was the one in that bed, and now, seeing the very parent she’s only had in that position, it crushed her already broken heart.

so, don't tell my mom, i'm fallin' apart, she hurts when i hurt, my scars are her scars…

she can remember the silence that the tears were enough to tell her how bad she’s fucked up. she remembers that look the greta had not just on that day she finally woke up, but tonight. she remembers the anger, the disappointment she had caused. she had lied to her for months, made her think she was okay, yet monroe thought it was for her good, for the way she worries about her all the time.

what you don't know won't hurt you, mama, i'll lie, just for you…

#drug use tw #overdose mention tw #( ORANGE SODA SHORTY ) ; self para #hidehillplotdrop006

[spookyboywhump]

Can’t stop thinking about this story I heard today where a guy took way too much of a medication I also take and ended up hallucinating his wife in his house for two whole days that she wasn’t even there, along with various other encounters

#overdose mention tw #I sometimes forget if I just took a pill or not #and I’m always unreasonably scared that accidentally taking it a second time will immediately kill me dead so this is good to know #me: huh that’s funny why does that name sound familiar #me: OH THATS WHY

[parameddic]

@hvndredstories a conversation they had in my head today

"You know the guy -- the one that tried to kill Nikolai?" The fire one? Paul had paused in his scrolling through various news stories, thumb only idly shifting his screen so that it didn't black out.

TK looked over his shoulder from his place on the rec room's couch, tuning in, but he wasn't even the direct target audience. It was Marjan who said, "Yeah?"

"He died in prison."

"What?" TK asked, eyebrows drawn - he ditched the cushion he'd been holding (just to have a spot to rest his arms, really) and turned full around on the couch, one leg folded flat against the seat, to face Paul.

Paul nodded (yes, TK and Marjan had heard correctly), "The word they use was 'found' in his holding cell. They suspect suicide." The news article said so, anyway.

"Suicide suicide?" Marjan clarified, "Or murder suicide?"

"He hasn't even been to trial yet," TK argued the point, like Paul had simply misread. He hadn't even been convicted yet, he was being held in custody for the time being (denied bail) but they'd not even begun to get underway. TK couldn't -- who-- he thought of the man's eyes flashing to him on the scene of the fire that had almost taken Nikolai's life. At the time the guy had been stumbling, supported by firefighters, had recently come out the other side of a fight he suspected Nikolai had formed the other half of.

Was that the sort of deal, end up in prison in whatever-Nikolai-did and get disappeared?

"And he's never gonna be," Paul said.

"No way someone would kill him for that, he wasn't being charged with anything yet except starting the fire." Police hadn't been able to either recover nor record the leather belt that had been used to restrain Nikolai. It was gone before anyone thought to look for it. The charges were only arson-related. "And that was him." He was being charged. Not some - imaginary third party who might want to stop him talking.

"Maybe he knew something he could have traded." Marjan.

"I don't like his circles."

"Paul." Nikolai was a part of those circles, thanks-very-much.

"Oh, come on. You can't think Nikolai's not just a little bit iffy some of the time."

"He works in security."

"Dude," Nancy said, 'cause c'mon, TK was not that naive and they all knew it.

"Are they saying if it's gonna be investigated?" TK redirected the conversation to the topic at hand, the guy dying in prison, "Was it - violent, how did he die?"

"Overdose."

Oh.

......... TK tilted his head, just a little, just a touch breathlessly, but he did not have a follow-up for that one. He knew what overdoses looked like. He knew what dying to them felt like. He didn't... he... didn't think Nikolai (Nikolai's work) had anything to do with drugs.

His silence was misinterpreted. "Hey," Nancy touched his shoulder, and TK licked his lips, took a breath, shifted in his seat:

"That could be an accident." It could have been.

"Yeah," Paul didn't think so, "he accidentally smuggled drugs into a prison."

"Maybe." People found all kinds of ways to get a hit. "You get a hit whatever way you can."

Silence, for a while, which was not great because TK did not like the way the team sometimes silenced when he spoke with experience about things they just. Didn't get.

He didn't think the guy had smuggled drugs in, actually. But the thought that nobody could find a way to do it? No.

No, that just wasn't what it was like.

.... "Well," Nancy segued, "Good riddance, anyway."

"That's a human life, Nancy." Marjan disagreed.

"Yeah, a human life that tried to kill Nikolai!"

Paul frowned, in a more you know sort of way, and lifted the phone a little higher to cite it as his source, "And he volunteered at a dog shelter, on Fridays. They got a little eulogy."

TK really acutely did not care to learn about this guy's life story at all. It clenched in his stomach, hot and acrid. He did not deserve to die, and if he had had the chance to respond to the OD then TK would have done what he could to save him, he would not be working this job (would not have belonged on this job) if that were not the case -- but TK did not care to know about this guy's life story. He did not think that made him more likable. He did not think it was his job or even fair, at all, to be asked to mourn him.

Fuck that guy. TK had sat next to Nikolai's hospital bed for hours, and pulled his sister halfway across the United States.

TK turned back around, done listening to them talk. He wondered if Nikolai knew; if he would be surprised to find out; if it was off the table, to ask about.

If Nikolai died in prison, one day, would that be them? A sentence in a eulogy, sometimes volunteered with a local fire department, not even named the 126, not even fully true (he volunteered because they asked, sometimes, but it was never a formal activity), not even a sliver of who Nikolai was. Died in prison and someone somewhere would have a conversation about whether that was worth investigating at all.

TK pulled out his phone.

[TK -> Nikolai]: hey, you want to go out somewhere tonight?

[TK -> Nikolai]: for dinner? Just us. and a movie or something after. we could go bowling

[TK -> Nikolai]: i don't actually care what we do

#ic #hvndredstories #he'd probably. i don't know if this will end up as a thread at all it is really mostly a drabble but also #he would probably drop 'to an overdose' in there somewhere just to. i don't know #he wouldn't mean it as a 'test' but i think it is a little bit a. checking. he is just wrong about needing it #and he needs to be Wrong About It out loud (?) #idk #but anyway here's this for you it just. was in my head today #i don't remember fire guy's name i know you named him in the thread but i didn't go digging #but paul probably used his name at the beginning i just. didn't go digging dkjflsdkjt #suicide mention tw #overdose mention tw

[pigtailpoll]

ROUND 3 PART 1

#ame chan #aoi kanzaki #needy girl overdose #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #kny #overdose mention tw #od ment tw #pigtailpoll #pigtail poll #round 3 part 1 #drugs implied tw #you cant edit these after you publish them so i just wanna be safe ahsnjqhekfkxka

[dwippingbun]

WHY IS ANGEL HILARIOUS WITH BURNS? 😂👏 GO OFF KING. 👑

Firstly I 100% officially love your alter. First one to come out on the blog and be public. Props! Pretty brave with the culture we have online these days about systems.

He is right though....

People who act offended over how livid Kirby is, and what he said, don't understand the trauma he has. And why what was said was...disgusting behind vocalization really. 💔

Props to Angel. And You Kirby. You were a lot nicer than I if I were in your shoes. I would have had a far, more colorful, choice of words were I told that.

That threat about cold water...I need to use that threat in the future. It's absolutely GUT BUSTING.

Please get sleep, though. You need it. 💜

OH WOWIE this was way before my bday (the night before I thinkkkk????)

Fun fact, Angel uhhhh-yeah he's the one to deal with my brother grief and I think issues with toxic family??? Me and my therapist are still figuring everything out tbh.

Yeah no um....my brother is a very touchy subject. I wanna say the day I posted his memorial video I got comments how I'm a murderer and shit. People are cruel af...my uncle died in October and uh...it wasn't...pretty.

He died just like how my brother did, only my brother did it with intent behind it while he just...listened to my fuggin aunt about doing drugs again. But they both died of overdose, both heroin.

People immediately reacted telling me it was my fault he died like my brother and made fun of some trauma with a pet I had who someone in my family murdered. Like...idk I kinda just buried it inside for months.

But then the other night after hearing that in my inbox CONSTANTLY, something snapped. I don't take back or regret what I said either. People wanna make fun of my brother and the pain of his loss? They can step on a bunch of legos.

As far as Angel goes, he's more....feitsty, than I am. More confident and stuff. It's why I love him a lot. he met some friends yesterday!! I got the consensus they liked him rofl.

#kirby speaks #system talk #DID system #overdose mention tw #suicide tw #mental abuse tw

[makowo]

just got lorem switched to cleric and accidentally told one of the party members to kys immediately afterbcs they were overdosing on adderall in-game and almost attacked me when i told them to stop. so is the life of a #boy

#makotalk #suicide ment tw #overdose mention tw

[oflowtides]

⸻  KAYA SCODELARIO. SHE/HER / have you ever heard of UNCOMPLICATED by røry, well, it describes CASSIOPEIA ‘CASSI’ DEVINE to a tee! the twenty nine year old, and TRAVEL JOURNALIST was spotted browsing through the stalls at portobello road market last sunday, do you know them? would you say SHE is more critical or more CHARISMATIC instead? anyway, they remind me of messy buns, over 20 unread text messages, extending an olive branch and fierce denials of winding up like your mother, maybe you’ll bump into them soon!

time in notting hill: three months

TW drug use, alcohol abuse, overdose mention

i’m so sorry this is so long i’m bad at trimming muses’ bios when they’re as old as cassi is

Cassi was the second in a pair of twins, and from day one her father favored her over her brother.  Growing up in the Devine household was comfortable, however their father was a very busy man.  He was a notable English Lit professor who was often gone for meetings and conferences when he wasn’t in his office until late hours.  Cassi grew up near starved for affection from her father, and while she did get more than her twin, it was never enough.  Their mom worked from home, selling a variety of different MLM products to keep herself busy, though they never really needed the extra income - not that much was being made.

Elementary school was easy, and Cassi made friends quickly, but her and Orion were never good at being apart.  Orion would have very loud and long meltdowns over it, refusing to do anything without his sister, and that continued to drive a wedge between their father and him.  Cassi, however, was still as eager to please and sweet natured as ever, frequently getting praise from both parents in contrast to her out of control brother.

Middle school was where things started to get difficult.  Their father was busy more and more, and it was clear their mother was falling into a depression.  Cassi preferred to hang around the friends Orion made, the girls in her class now becoming jealous that Cassi was developing faster than some of them were, and starting to wear makeup because her parents were becoming more and more absent.  The boys started noticing her more too, and Cassi thrived on the attention she was missing from her father.  In seventh grade she went to her first boy/girl party and had her first kiss from a spin the bottle game, and was even convinced to play a round of seven minutes in heaven.  It was her first brush with her own sexuality, but definitely not her last.

As soon as Cassi started high school, she was surrounded by an almost entirely new set of people she’d need to make friends with - but she didn’t mind at all.  She was ready to stop hanging out with her immature middle school peers, eyes bright and smile coy for all the older high school boys - and even some girls - who didn’t even try to hide their interest.  It wasn’t long before she was sneaking out and making out in the backseats of cars, not even bothering to beg Orion to cover for her since their parents were suddenly in the middle of a very messy divorce - it turns out their dad had been seeing a few of his students behind their mothers back.  Instead of dealing with how any of that made her feel, Cassi preferred to go hang out with eleventh and twelfth grade boys, drinking and smoking weed.  Her freshman year of high school, she lost her virginity to one of the most popular boys in school, causing girls to gossip and boys to leer more than usual.  She tried to brush it off, hold her head high like she didn’t really care - and part of her didn’t, never believing she did anything wrong - but it made her feel very alone.

As she went through the rest of high school, her parents continued with their messy divorce, all but forgetting their kids existed, causing Cassi and Orion to come back together as well as start acting out and going to parties, drinking and finding harder drugs than pot.  They were never far apart, they had just each grown a little more independent as time progressed, but now with no one else to care about them except each other, the buried codependency reared it’s ugly head.  The constant neglect also started a slow spiral into her acting even more promiscuous than before, sleeping with whatever guy would give her the attention she craved, usually older and most treated her more like an object than a person, but she convinced herself that any affection was better than none.

Things came to a head in college when Orion overdosed, and Cassi had an ugly wake up call.  The idea of losing her twin was almost too much to bear, and she immediately cleaned up her act, hoping he would elect to do the same.  Unfortunately, he didn’t really seem to feel the same way she did, and while he eventually wound up being forced into rehab, Cassi had completely reworked her life and was trying to do better, and be better.  On a work trip, she met and fell into some sort of relationship with Leo Thorsen, and they wound up married.  While it didn’t last as long as she would have liked to say it did, they ended amicably at least, and while they agreed the next time they were in the same place they’d work out an official divorce, Cassi sort of hoped they never did.

Cassi is an extremely friendly and caring person, burdened with the idea that no one will ever truly love her and that she’ll end up like her mom.  Her brother’s status is constantly on her mind, and while she knows that following through on the divorce is the right thing to do, for Leo’s sake, part of her selfishly hopes that maybe they can work things out and she’ll actually be loved and wanted like she’s always hoped she would be.

#cassi devine ; biography #drug mention tw #alcohol mention tw #overdose mention tw #nottinghillintro