#over my brain

[absentlyabbie]

taking my life into my hands to resurrect this godawful hellpoll and let it run for a week this time

#tumblr polls #my polls #poll #rice v potato #let's see if we can avoid getting weirdly and vehemently racial with it this time! #i am making this choice while sick and brain muddle-y so let's hope i don't regret it #last attempt at this seven months ago managed to get over 6k votes in 24 hours #let's see if this will once again be rip my notifications

[frmulcahy]

Love seeing everyone’s varying depictions of the Magnus Protocol gang but my drawing skills are BUSTED so even though I can’t draw her atm just know that my headcanon of Alice is this specific photo of Susan Kare lmao

#the swagger the hair 🤌 #also Colin looks like Fergus from Takin Over The Asylum #it’s probably just my brain associating the voices sounding similar but oh well #Sam looks like one of the portrait photographs I have saved on Pinterest but idk who the model is 😭😭😭 #the magnus protocol #tmagp #alice dyer

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them. #hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore. #but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

[dapper-lil-arts]

Was thinking of Applejack trying to resist Rarity's flirting to be gentleman-like and this came out lmao.

#rarijack #rarity #applejack #granny smith #YOU MUST RESIST HER FEMININE WILES APPLEJACk #pony posting #mlp #mlp gen 4 #mlp fanart #my little pony #friendship is magic #comic #meme #rarijack brain taking over #celestia #princess celestia

[literallyaflame]

okay. listen. if you ever find yourself falling into a new ideological circle, pay attention. if you notice that you’re among people who define themselves as part of an “in-group” with a pre-prepared human “enemy” to constantly rail against—if everyone fantasizes about the mental state of these loathsome monsters, if they participate in witch hunts or (perhaps worse) poke bears and court harassment on purpose to comfort each other over—get the fuck out. you haven’t been enlightened to some grand conspiracy, there are no evil “enemies” or “degenerates” trying to rip apart the fabric of society, and you do not have the moral duty to “enlighten” anyone to whatever you think the “truth” is. it’s neither safe nor normal to spend hours of your day fighting with strangers on the internet

a lot of people wear this shit like a badge of honor, but it’s also not normal to hide your “in-group” status as a form of martyrdom, relishing when the “enemy” slips up around you. it’s comforting in the moment, but in the long run, you’re alienating yourself from the world outside of your bubble. the more you alienate yourself, the more vulnerable and lonely you become, and the harder it is to reject the comfort of belonging to the “in-group”

i’m writing this from the perspective of someone who grew up in a cesspool of awful, cult-like rural churches—which is its own situation—but i see similar shit happening in online communities all the time, both within and 800 miles outside of my own ideological principles. yes, every toxicass radfem i block seems to be trapped in a version of this vicious cycle, but i also see it happening in random queer circles and niche fandom communities. no one is immune, not even me. i’ve watched people fall into this shit and never make it out. be careful

#some ideologies come pre-baked with this nonsense #because they naturally revolve around an in-group and an out-group #but i swear to god people will start acting like this over fucking #anime shipping wars #which probably seems harmless to most people #but those communities skew very young #and i have no doubt that it can be psychologically damaging #no matter how inconsequential it seems to my jaded 26 year old brain #me when i make a post

[wardingshout]

Zelda goes mushroom girl

#tloz #a link to the past #zelda #link #my art #I was happy with that first one but for some reason decided it still needed a companion piece so I spent way too long on that second one... #I don't think there was any time during the progress where I was happy with it but hfduhdfu at least I got to Attempt drawing moss hell yea #I also at some point sat in Pyu's art stream and said I enjoy drawing legs As I was being murdered by the infamously impossibe (imo) squat. #it's ok I had fun !! but I need to learn how to let doodles be doodles or I'll never finish stuff at this rate dfsuhfd #if everything in my tloz tag looks like it was drawn by different people uuuh 2023 was art crisis year ngl...... #I'm falling back into my old ways rn though #anyway I think about these two a lot I think they're both stone faced and awkward ppl in different ways but they try rly hard to be friends #like I like to think it starts out so incredibly awkward and a bit sad bc they keep stepping over each other's toes accidentally the harder #they try but idk they find comfy middle ground idk in my brain they have a very interesting friendship I wanna get around to drawing it #in a proper way that might make sense.... #if I don't write 200 tags I will die maybe it's bc I grew up on dA or smth #and yes I know how to find 1 (one) type of mushroom /I/ am not mushroom girl unfortunately smh

[keitorinrose]

Finished watching adventure time for the first time

#was originally working on something captain laserhawk related before adventure time took over my brain #might show the wip someday idk ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ #adventure time #finn the human #finn mertens #fern the human #princess bubblegum #bonnibel bubblegum #marceline abadeer #jake the dog #ice king #kei's art

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

world's longest staring contest GO-

#them. he??? wally plural <3 #how are they the same little man.... #looking between them in confusion so fast i get whiplash #one half of my brain: huh what huh what huh- #the other half: HOLY SHIT TWO WALLYS!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3 #wait would it be wallys or wallies #fr what Is wally plural #existential questions we should all ask ourselves #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #wally darling #i got a little lost in the Sauce making this & finished before realizing i didnt copy it over to a new larger canvas #& do the final layer/colors/bg there #so its a Little Bit Lower Resolution than id like #BUT HEY ITS NOT LIKE THATS EVER STOPPED ME BEFORE!!!! #whatever whatever doesnt matter its done and im satisfied with it #& i fuckin better be bc working on this killed my wrist lmfao #nearly dropped my stylus at one point from the sudden Oofie Ouchie #suffice to say i will be queuing this & then taking a day-long break from my hobbies #which are all hell on the wrist #which means i will probably leave the house out of sheer boredom #maybe ill watch spiderverse. go get a tasty Beverage. take a walk. summon the old gods if im in a silly goofy mood #just now realizing i probably drew wally too small #puppet wally. og wally light of my life. AHAHA OOPSIES TOO LATE TO FIX IT NOW 🥲👍

[monoidea]

#zolu #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #one piece #one piece fanart #i have died three thousand deaths already and i'm still dying over them #they live rent free in my heart and brain and soul

[ionomycin]

it's you, after all

#artists on tumblr #rainweaver #i never draw these two but they've been living in my brain for over a decade #the lady is called Lacuna #and her variably human bf is called Mirha #she's a certified monster smoocher #when and where and how will i find the time to make this webcomic finally #rainweaver has been marinading in my head since i was 16 #i'm almost 30 #how does one make a webcomic in this economy

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

#not a shitpost #serious post #ask to tag #tw trauma #cptsd #c-ptsd #and if so we should TALK about it #because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays #like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc #bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times #and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd) #because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact #2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc #3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation #and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie #4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories #and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong #weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards #i got lucky there #also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons

[messrsbyler]

you. yes you, person with rejection sensitive dysphoria. this message is for you. your friends DON'T hate you. they aren't mad at you. they aren't talking behind your back or wished to cut their friendship with you. they love you and treasure you and they are good people who wouldn't hurt you like that! ok, that's all. have a nice day.

#this is for everyone with RSD... except for me #my friends do hate me and do think i'm a burden in their lives and they do wish they had a way to let me know they don't wanna be friends #anymore but they feel pity so they never do #... this is a joke that turned too real and too dark too soon #it'll get better #anyhow this message will self destruct in- #i'm all over the place my brain is being mean to me i'll go to bed ugh #nic posts #and drowns in self pity for NO REASON #i'm going to kick my brain's butt #ok ok bye #rejection sensitive dysphoria #rsd is a bitch #rsd things

[dotcircledot]

guess who watched good omens

#good omens #aziracrow #good omens fanart #aziraphale #crowley #yeah i actually lost it over drawing this bc i don’t understand how people draw environments so well like i don’t know anyways . #sorry they’re just taking over my brain #ineffable spouses #quick thing to practice mostly but you know #dotcircledotart

[chernozemm]

studying DTs rubberband face

#crowley #anthony j crowley #good omens #good omens fanart #myart #i am in fact a liar i have been internally wailing over 10s regen therefore i have sublimated my need for his face into drawing crowley #go figure how my brain works

[emily-e-draws]

consider. what if these two met when they were little

#loz #totk #sonia totk #rauru #soniaru #can't explain what caused it but theyve taken over my brain

[panthermouthh]

“How can I move thee? Will no entreaties cause thee to turn a favourable eye upon thy creature, who implores thy goodness and compassion? Believe me, Frankenstein, I was benevolent; my soul glowed with love and humanity; but am I not alone, miserably alone? You, my creator, abhor me; what hope can I gather from your fellow creatures, who owe me nothing?”

#Frankenstein #Victor Frankenstein #the creature #frankensteins monster #Mary Shelley #gothic art #this one hurt my brain to figure out #I worked on this for like six hours straight today good god #I used a different quote over on instagram because I couldn’t choose one lol #it is very late and I must sleep GNIGHT <33 #my art