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cinnamontoastcrunch-15 · 1 year

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Beyond the Veil

Read on ao3 here

I cried writing this :)

CW: Major character death at the beginning (Sirius goes through the veil)

He heard the curse before he had time to register what had happened.

That familiar ‘Avada Kedavra’ that sent a cold chill up his spine and had his eyes scanning for Remus, Remus, Remus-

A flash of light, and Sirius was tossed backwards, straight onto a cold, dark stone floor. It felt pretty much identical to where he had just been, as he sprung up, feeling for his wand. Shit, it was gone, he’d have to go without…

Where was everyone?

He glanced around for a few moments, taking in the lack of Harry, Remus, anyone. Well, nobody until a voice sounded from behind him.

“You’re new.” Sirius whirled his head around, hands flying up and balling into fists. The person, skin sunken and faded, bags under their eyes and long, dishevelled hair, raised their hands defensively, in surrender. “Hey, don’t try to hurt me. I’m just as dead as you are.”

“Sorry?” Sirius said, voice fitting uncomfortably in his mouth, falling slightly differently. “I’m- I’m not… Listen, I- someone shouted a killing curse, I need to go and check on my- on Moony.”

“Um… yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry you have to hear about it this way, but you’re very much dead.”

“No, there’s no way…”

“Listen, we were all in denial at first. It’s a lot to process, going through the veil.”

“The veil?”

“Yeah, y’know the arch with all of the white? That’s the veil. It puts us here. We’re all dead, but not quite moved on.” Sirius felt cold panic grip him tightly. He had people. Remus, Harry, they needed him. He needed them.

“Is- no, I can’t- what about Remus, I-“

“I don’t know who Remus is, I’m sorry. Is there somebody alive you need to watch?”

“Watch?”

“Yeah. Take a look around.” Sirius, ignoring the panic and the sinking dread at the fact that the person sounded like they were right, he glanced around to find a group of people, all with slightly greyed skin, staring through mirrors that adorned the drab stone. “Pretty much everybody has someone to watch. That’s why none of us have moved on. We don’t want to yet.” They said with a shrug, Sirius watching as someone, a man, turned excitedly.

“My son’s about to graduate!” He said excitedly, before turning and stepping through the mirror. The person who had been talking to him turned back.

“It’s nice to be able to keep track of the people we love, y’know?”

“I thought… you only because a ghost if you agreed to it.” He said, confused, trying to pick everything apart. This couldn’t be real, there was no way.

“We’re not exactly ghosts.” They answered. “The rules of the veil are slightly different to the rules of normal death.”

“How do any of you know this?” They shrugged.

“People figured it out in the beginning, and it got passed down. We’re stuck here, but we can go into events for a brief period of time if we really want to. However, unlike ghosts, nobody living can see or interact with us. Each of us have our own mirrors.” They gestured around at the vast open space which made Sirius shiver. Or… should have made Sirius shiver. Every sense seemed slightly dulled, his head foggy. “So you’ll probably have one too, for… Remus, was it?” Sirius nodded, slightly dumbfounded. “Right, time works slightly differently here, so come with me. We’ll find your mirror and check on your person.”

“People.” Sirius answered, still refusing to think about it. There had to be a logical reason, there had to. “I have a- a godson, too.”

“Ah, okay. You get to decide who to watch and when. Come on.” They led him calmly down the stone, where the majority of the witches and wizards were staring down the intricately designed mirrors, a few who weren’t sat sharing stories. “What’s your name?” They asked.

“Uh… Sirius. Sirius Black.”

“Then this one’s yours.” They pointed, Sirius turning to an inky black and silver mirror. “I’m Amara. Go on, take a look.” Sirius turned, feeling much too out of it. For a moment, his own reflection stared back at him, finally seeing himself for the first time. His skin was just as greyed and textured as the rest of them, eyes completely devoid of light, and dark circles under his eyes.

Shit.

Still, as the mirror began to change, he decided against letting himself think about it. It swirled for a few moments, before settling on an image of a… graveyard? Sirius frowned, confused, as he stared at the image, eyes darting over the mass of gravestones until he realised who was at the centre and his stomach gave a terrifying lurch.

Remus.

“He’s…” Sirius wanted to go there. Amara gave a gentle tap on his shoulder.

“Step in. Go and see him.” They offered gently. He nodded, finally wanting to go and disprove all of this to himself. So, taking a deep breath, he forced his way inside. It was shockingly easy, a small ripple feeling like running his fingers gently over a pool of water. He shut his eyes as he went through, for some reason, opening them as the light gently hit him.

Remus was sat on his knees in front of a grave, one shaking hand reaching out to tap it, run his fingers across it. Sirius turned his head for a moment, everything in him standing on edge and freezing.

That was his name.

He stopped, panic overwhelming him. He was definitely on the fucking gravestone. Remus was sat at his grave, and the curse, the veil.

He had died.

He was fucking dead.

Dead.

D e a d -

Remus started to speak, voice grounding him the way it always did, making Sirius realising that he was on his knees beside Remus, able to see Remus’ stricken expression. The moment he saw it, everything else went forgotten, because Sirius could handle his pain, but not Remus’.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured softly, eyes sliding shut as he took a deep, shaking breath. “I’m- I’m so sorry. Sorry that you couldn’t be buried with James and Lily. Well, sorry that you couldn’t be buried, I guess. You just… you just disappeared, I don’t-“ his voice broke, pausing again, swallowing and pressing on, even though he really didn’t have to, Sirius’ heart had already shattered for him. “I’m sorry you don’t have a better headstone. That sounds stupid, but I remember your complaints when we were younger. It’s just- I had to fight the Ministry tooth and nail to even get you a fucking headstone, so everyone was overcharging. It- ah well, we got there in the end.” He tried with a weak smile, Sirius instinctively reaching out and resting his hand over Remus’, which was sitting on top of the headstone.

The sensation was faint, barely even there for Sirius, and he knew Remus couldn’t feel it at all, but it was a small comfort. He shut his eyes and forced himself to focus on the sensation, on Remus, because what if next time he tried he couldn’t feel anything at all? What if he-

“Fuck, we didn’t get enough time. We waited twelve years. Twelve bloody years. Merlin, the poets would love us. Still, I’d wait as long as it takes for just one more moment with you, my love.” The tears that had been steadily welling up in Remus’ eyes spilled over, Sirius feeling himself get choked up.

“Moony.” He forced out, moving his other free hand to rest on Remus’ cheek for a moment, a dull ache in his chest deepening. The tears ignored the intrusion, running straight past his hand, as Sirius hoped that all of that time before Azkaban, the moments that he remembered, would help him memorise this beautiful, beautiful man’s face. Everything started to fall out of Remus at this point, unable to stop any of it.

“Not seeing you again, though? Christ, Padfoot, I don’t think I can do it. Everything just seems pointless without you. If Harry wasn’t here, I wouldn’t see a reason to win this bloody war, not when it took you away from me, away from everybody. I mean, if I could trade places to keep you here, fuck, I would in a heartbeat. Because you light up the world, y’know that, love? It feels like someone’s just switched everything off, and now I’m stumbling through. Even Azkaban didn’t feel like this, because you were still here, in a way, and now…”

“I’m here, Moony, please, don’t cry, I’m right here.” Sirius begged, half with Remus and half with whatever the rules of the veil were to break just once and let him talk to Moony, say thank you, tell him he loves him just one more time-

“I’m sorry I didn’t see Bellatrix. I- I couldn’t stop her, I didn’t save you, I’m- I’m so sorry.” With that, he broke down completely, crumbling in front of the headstone, in front of Sirius. Sirius had heard Remus cry, multiple times, but this?

The sobs seemed to tear Remus just a little more each time, ripping through him and leaving him falling apart. Sirius could feel his own heart being ripped out with every one, guilt and anger at Bellatrix at war with the recent revelation that he was dead, and Moony was alone.

“You have saved me, darling, don’t you see that? You’ve saved me more than I thought anybody could.” Sirius tried, wishing more than anything that Remus could hear him. He was crying too, at this point, watching the man he loved more than anything, needed more than oxygen, who he had waited for so fucking long to be with have to be alone.

That’s when he felt himself start to slip away.

Something inside him knew that he was going back to the stone, back to staring through a screen and wanting more than anything to be back. Nothing was ever going to be the same, but if he could just exist alongside Remus forever, he would take it. No, he couldn’t, he was leaving.

“Fuck, no, not yet, please-“ he tightened his grip on Remus’ hand, the sensation ignoring this and getting weaker by the second. “Please, wait, I’m sorry, Moons, I don’t want to leave you-“ he ran his eyes desperately over Remus’ face. “I love you.” He whispered, before he was falling, spinning, landing back in the cold stone.

Remus was alone again.

#ouch #um #cw: major character death at the beginning #he falls through the veil #I’m in pain #like genuinely #physical pain #idk why I wrote this #wolfstar #sirius black #marauders #wolfstar oneshot #remus lupin #remus x sirius #young marauders #moony x padfoot #atyd marauders #marauders oneshot

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