life of a traitor
I’m really sorry if this one seemed a bit messy, because I was trying to convey the feelings from multiple POV’s at the same time instead of just one. ps. i will drown in the Lo’ak x Tsireya ship. My OTP for life.
♢ Pairing: Dad!Jake Sully x Oldest daughter!Reader, Lo’ak x Tsireya, Dad!Jake Sully x Lo’ak
♢ Word count: 4k
♢ Genre: angst, family comfort
- Warnings: cursing, Jake being a bad dad for once but we still love him
⌲ Description: “You have shamed this family.” Words hurt and they sting. Yet you make sure your dad gets to feel that very pain in the wake of Lo’ak’s return.
M A S T E R L I S T
“The Sully boy has been found!”
“The oldest is with him! They’re both back!”
You were holding your breath, you realized, as the village got closer. The lit-up lanterns that seemed like mere specks of stars in the night from a distance not long ago now seemingly looming over you with intimidation for what was to come. Both of you were perched on the backs of the Metkayina warrior's mounts that had spotted the two swimming back into the reefs after sending the tulkun off.
And with Atanzaw flying above your heads, shining in the dark with his bioluminescent marks, it was an easy spotting as an uproar had started.
Your brother reached the dock first, thanking the one who helped as you followed up shortly after doing the same.
As if as one, both yours and Lo’ak’s gaze locked onto Ao’nung standing at the very front beside his parents. He was silent, though you didn’t know if that was due to the aftermath of his scolding or guilt for nearly killing your brother.
For his sake, it better had been the latter.
You merely stood back as Lo’ak was ready to pounce on the boy himself until your dad quickly intervened with raised hands of peace, and you could not stop the disappointed roll of your eyes.
“Hey…” Jake was trying to make eye contact with him, but sensing how his youngest son was too busy death glaring at the Olo’eyktan’s heir it was a futile try. “Let’s have a look at you.”
“He’s fine, he’s fine. Just a few scratches,” your dad declared, obviously nervous and trying to appear calm.
“Define fine,” you muttered, not bothering to be too discreet and catching both the eyes of Tonowari and Jake.
Your mother was next, as she threw herself down on the lower ledge and grabbed Lo’ak by his shoulders, nails probably digging in uncomfortably for a short moment. There was clear distress for her child on her face, but also the aggravation of him getting into trouble again. A very familiar combination when it came to your baby brother, admittedly.
You still made sure to be closer to him as you stepped up, shoulders just barely brushing your dad’s arm in passing and hovering a mere few inches behind. A silent shield to be used if needed.
“I pray for the strength that I will not rip the eyeballs out of my youngest son!” She growled with a frustrated grab at his face - Lo’ak did nothing but lean away, face stone cold in all the chaos.
His indifference was worrying you as you reached out to subtly hook your little pinky around his own. An action that only the two of you and Kiri could do with your extra fingers. His body didn’t reveal anything besides the slight twitch at the touch, but he didn’t pull away, and you took it as a good sign.
For now.
“No. My son knows better than to take him outside of the reef,” Tonowari pushed Ao’nung down to his knees by the back of his neck, a sight that gave you immense satisfaction as your lips curled up into a small smirk. “The blame is his.”
Your father was trying his best to de-escalate the situation, you knew that. And although you had a lot to say, things were going smoothly at this point, so they were held back.
“Okay, let’s go,” Jake accepted it, urging Lo’ak to get a move on and you started to follow until the next words made you freeze in shock.
“No. This is not Ao’nung’s fault. This was my idea.”
What the fuck was he doing?
Stupid, stupid boy!
Your heart was starting to pump, the disbelief at that flat-out lie from Lo’ak not making it any better. And you made sure to voice it.
“Lo’ak!” Your hiss was hardly low in volume, or gentle in its approach. It was a harsh, aggressive sound that made several people look as you grabbed your youngest brother’s arm and pulled him to you. “What do you think you’re doing?!”
You were pretty sure your nails were digging into his skin much more painfully than your mom’s did.
But as the idiot that he was, he wrenched away from you and continued on as if you hadn’t spoken. “Ao’nung tried to talk me out of it. Really.”
Lie, lie, lies!
The word thundered in your head as you pinched your eyes shut with a rigid sigh. Your parents had so clearly lost their patience as your dad went up first, your mom grabbing Lo’ak either in anger or confusion. “Lo’ak!”
You weren’t sure of anything, to be honest.
“I’m sorry,” he finally finished.
“Come on,” Jake’s voice was sternly laced with exhaustion as you both followed him. “I got this one.”
How many times hadn’t you heard that sentence?
There was a tense moment of silence as your family walked away, but Tuk was absent you noticed. Which was a good thing in itself, supposedly. She didn’t need to see this ugly side of your family so young - there were certain moments for learning, whereas others would just create minimal trauma. Just like now.
“Dad, you told me to make friends with these kids, that was what I was trying to do-”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
You cautiously straightened up at the apparent held-back anger and glanced at your mom, hoping she might help to diffuse the situation. But her glare was still firmly settled on Lo’ak, as you licked your lips anxiously.
This situation was not reached its peak yet, the comprehension of the current mood washing over you.
“Dad…”
“You brought shame to this family.”
It felt like the air had been sucked out of your lungs and stones beings violently shoved in their stead, eyes widening at the horrible words your dad…no, Jake Sully just blatantly said to your brother.
Because this was not the dad that you knew.
How could he?
Saying such words when Lo’ak was already struggling with himself.
Couldn’t they see that?
It was so clear, your confusion nearly befuddled you enough, but not quite.
Because your anger was there. Simmering, boiling - ready to erupt at any moment - because this wasn’t fair.
Your baby brother was being so strong.
Oh, how his expression squeezed your heart almost painfully. The way his shoulders just only drooped before straightening back up and fists clenching as his cold mask slipped back over the hurt that had been there only for a single second.
“Can I go now?”
Don’t go. Please, don’t go.
“Any more trouble I’ll tie a knot in your tail, you read me?”
Stop.
“Yes sir.”
Just fucking stop.
With a flick of his eyes, your dad dismissed Lo’ak like he was one of his soldiers, and as you tried to reach out for him, your baby brother ignored you with a visible lean away.
An action that hurt you more than you realized until now.
“Where were you?” Your mom spoke for the first time, turning to Neteyam.
Someone that had nothing to do with this whole fiasco.
“Yeah, what happened to keep an eye on your brother?”
You spoke before he could. “Where were you?”
Both of your parents turned to look, identical frowns on their faces as they stared you down at your tone. But you would not budge at their intimidation.
“Excuse me?”
“How could you?”
“Y/N this is not the time for one of your tirades again.”
The disbelieving laugh that you let out was so out of character that even Kiri’s eyes widened warily.
Your sister was someone who often silently observed those around you. And she knew that at this point there was no going back. You were clearly losing it.
“Y/N…” Your mom noticed the same, sensing the seams of your sensibility started to fray at the edges as you and Jake were locked in a stare-down.
You grinned widely, all teeth on show as your arms spread to the side. “You know what? Thank you for suggesting that dad! I would love to actually!”
Tirades were your favorite part time after all.
His eyes narrowed dangerously, a finger hovering in the air as Jake hissed in a breath before muttering out harshly - his eyes flickering to the curious audience gathering at your volume. “Watch yourself, young lady.”
“Why?” Your reply was all but spat out. “Are you embarrassed? Ashamed perhaps?”
“Y/N, you do not speak to your father like that!” Your mom’s voice snapped up, gaze hard with a hint of surprise which you assumed was due to your attitude.
Admittedly a side that you had never shown before. Or at least managed to hold back in tense moments.
“Why the hell not?!” your words were met by the gasps of Kiri and Neteyam at the audacity, but they were easily ignored as you whirled to look at your father.
He had his lips peeled back in a mid-snarl, his animalistic side coming out to warn you of the hierarchy in this family.
“You always speak to us like that! Whenever your emotions are too much to handle and you lash out at us. You say it’s our fault all disguised under your excuse of being a worried parent!”
“Lo’ak is fourteen, dad!” Making sure you had his attention you stepped closer. “Four-teen. He’s fourteen and already thinks he’s a fucking failure - and do you wanna know why that is?” there was no pause in your words as you threw them at his face. “Because of you.”
“You do not get to talk to me this way, Y/N,” Jake was clenching his jaw to the point he was sure his teeth would shatter. “I am your father-”
“-what father tells their child they’re ashamed of them?” You offered him a bitter smile. “The one I know sure as hell doesn’t.”
“Your brother made his choice. These are the consequences that follow-” your dad was having a hard time holding back with the way his voice raised mid-sentence before forcefully stopping himself and releasing a breath. “-that follow along with his actions. I am trying to teach him a lesson.”
“Did you ask him?”
“What?”
“Did. You. Ask. Him?”
Jake sighed in frustration, his hands coming up to grasp at empty air. “What are you talking about?”
“Did you even bother to ask your son whose fault this really was?” you weren’t interested in hearing his answer. “Do you even know your son? Because I do, and do you wanna know why again? Because I damn well pay attention!”
The laugh coming out of your dad made chills appear on your skin, but you were already far too deep in to turn back. Things were already fucked up, then why not cross the line a little more.
“Okay then, you little smartass. Are you telling me I don’t care about my own kid?”
He thought he had you there.
“Caring and knowing are two very different things.” This time you were the one who had him. Shutting down his own retort.
“You say you love us. You say you care for us. But also that we worry you, and that we disappoint you. Fine - that’s fine dad. But you don’t get to say that we have shamed you.”
For once during this entire duration, you hesitated.
Your next words were waiting on the tip of your tongue, heavy and loaded - something you didn’t want to say, but a part of you needed to let them out. To let your dad, or even Jake Sully, the former marine soldier hear them to his face from someone close to him.
To feel the same stabbing pain that Lo’ak most certainly did earlier.
Your aggressive protectiveness came victorious.
So you let them loose.
“You don’t get to say that; because we’re not the ones who betrayed an entire race to be where we are.”
Jake stumbled back in shock as if those very words had shot him right in the chest and he couldn’t stop them. Stop the truth that they were covered in.
It was like a pin dropped in the heavy silence that followed between the loose circle your family stood in. Your mother for the first time in her life since giving birth to you hissed in protectiveness over her mate - at her own daughter - your brother sprung to your side and twisted you away with a snarl of your name, in warning, not scolding. Whereas Kiri remained still, eerie gaze never leaving you.
However, you weren’t done.
“Hurts doesn’t it?” your voice croaked as Jake’s eyes slowly raised to meet yours. “Words.”
You left without saying anything else.
+
Warm. Gentle. Comforting and so loving.
Tsireya’s hold on his hands was always a welcoming feeling.
Her touch seemed to ground him more than he sometimes realized. A feeling that was unfamiliar to him mostly, and one that always reminded him of you.
But right now, with the two of them sitting on a boulder on the edge of a patchy space of grass and gazing out into the star covered night together, it was a touch that calmed the stabbing hurt from earlier and made the night all more bearable.
Lo’ak had no idea how many hours that passed since the chaos that had ensued after returning with you. His hearing basically stopped working after his dad’s true feelings had slapped him in the face with their words - that stung more than an actual slap would have.
He would have rather taken that slap.
“Are you okay?” Tsireya’s voice was soft and light, so sweet in its tone that he couldn’t even stop the small smile on his face after the tumultuous day.
“I will be,” he admitted honestly. He would always be somewhat okay after a few days, that was the truth.
The real question was if he would ever heal from it. That one he wasn’t so sure about.
Lo’ak might not have been mistreated or even abused by his family. A minimum that was expected for a happy life. Because in a certain perspective, he was fortunate in the life that he did have.
Two caring, protective parents.
Four loving siblings.
A grandmother for Tsahik.
And a home. Kind off.
Then why didn’t he feel fortunate?
“You can always rely on me, you know that right?”
Eywa. How beautiful her large eyes looked staring up at him from her place, where her head was previously leaned on his shoulder.
They were sparkling, he swore. The aquamarine color of them stood out even more in the darkness surrounding them. The bioluminescent lights of nature surrounding them made her all the more ethereal in his gaze.
So large and so loving and caring in the way they always looked at him.
And not for the first time, Lo’ak found his own gaze wavering - flickering down lower on her face and to her lips, which were adorably pulled down in a slightly concerned pout for him.
They might be young, just fourteen-year-old kids still growing. But he wasn’t stupid or ignorant at his age. He was well versed in romantic feelings and commitment to your partners, and how to cherish each other if the right one ever did appear.
And his dad made good on his promise to teach them all about teenage hormones and urges, and how to control them in a respectful manner. To know when it was too early to start exploring what he wanted or not.
Lo’ak wanted to kiss her. He knew that. It wasn’t a secret.
But it was too early. And in the aftermath of his falling out with his parents, it seemed too…raw.
He didn’t want to use someone he was growing to care more for each day as a way of making himself feel better.
And Tsireya deserved better, being the kindhearted person she was. And he wasn’t quite there to give it to her yet.
But one day, he hoped he would be.
“Thank you,” was all he managed to say in reply offering a small tug of his lips as she stared at him for a moment longer before turning away, the clear tell of redness on the tip of her ears as she realized their proximity for the first time.
He didn’t see a reason to tease her about it, not wanting to break the serenity that they were currently in. It was somewhat possible to block everything that happened.
He did say somewhat.
The rustling of bushes becoming louder made both of them straighten up and turn back, only to see Jake coming closer in a slow yet determined stride.
Lo’ak felt his heart starting to beat faster, a sudden change from the steady calm it had managed to find in the last couple of hours.
The reality was catching up to him again at the appearance of his father.
Tsireya turned to look at him with her concerned wide eyes again, he didn’t manage to answer her before his dad had reached them - but Lo’ak didn’t expect to notice the nervous fiddle of his hands as Jake stopped only a few feet away.
“Hey kids-” his pause was out of character. “Do you mind if I speak to my son a bit, Tsireya?”
As if Lo’ak couldn’t fall for the girl more than he already did. Because instead of letting the presence of his father and Toruk Makto completely intimidate her, she turned to him first; Silently asking if he wanted her to leave.
Jake seemed to be surprised himself, although pleasantly so. He has been so used to everyone outside of his family doing most things at his beck and call, both as a clan leader and war hero. He had clearly underestimated the relationship between the two young teens in front of him.
Tsireya stood to leave quickly at the assuring nod of Lo’ak, before parting with a polite smile in Jake’s direction and going back to the village with one last look over her shoulder.
There was a moment of complete stillness before Jake came and sat down on the space previously occupied next to Lo’ak. The boy didn’t even bother to acknowledge his father, simply staring out at the lapping water, shoulders hunched over.
His two braids on the side of his face felt like the only shield to cover him as he let them hang, avoiding eye contact firmly.
Jake let out a heavy sigh, having already expected the cold behavior of his youngest son.
He didn’t blame him either.
He had acted like a grade-A asshole, with the biggest A to exist in the universe. And towards his own child too.
Jake Sully has never claimed parenthood to be easy in any way. It was a hard, taxing journey that he obviously was still trying to learn from. It was a road that never stopped no matter how old his kids got. He would always be a father, but he’s admittedly been a shit one as of late.
And that wasn’t only according to you.
Your words had hurt. Like a damn punch to his face. Or ten.
That was true - Neytiri knew it too. And that made him think and regret. If those words stung him as they did, how much had he hurt his own kid by saying something he didn’t even mean?
Not really at least.
Jake had been angry at the moment. Pissed off, to be honest. But it was also the overwhelming worry of his kid’s disappearance that made him act out. But it was no excuse for anything he had said.
You were still avoiding him. Well, ignoring is more like it. Which was even worse. Besides your siblings, you were actively shutting out the presence of both him and Neytiri despite their tries in the last few hours to speak.
Kiri was the one to voice out your thoughts. “She won’t speak unless Lo’ak forgives you first.”
Was it strange that Jake was still proud of you? You owned the same pride he did as a young marine and his first moments on Pandora.
An unyielding pride that often got him in trouble.
But for you, it was a pride that protected your siblings even against your own parents.
“You know, sometimes I think you deserve a better dad.”
Lo’ak didn’t reply, but the shift in his body assured Jake that he was paying attention.
“I never wanted kids. Never even thought of having them until I met your mother. The world was already shitty enough as it was, so I didn’t see a point in bringing new life into it. And after my injury, that thought cemented.”
“Well, I’m sorry for ending up being your kid,” his low mutter was an inner thought not ever planning to see the light of day. Especially in front of the man himself. But he couldn’t stop himself.
Jake let out a shuddering breath, finally realizing how deep this…trauma his youngest son was experiencing. And you had been right again; it was all his fault.
“No, no Lo’ak,” moving closer, his son didn’t resist as he gently grabbed the back of his nape to push their foreheads together.
Despite his bitter words, his body still relaxed at the comforting feeling. Because it was obvious - even after everything, he still loved his dad. Still craved the comforts of his protective touches, and his overpowering hugs that were rare but much needed whenever offered.
“I’m sorry, son,” Jake whispered, eyes clenched shut and voice wavering with tears. “I have not been the father you needed since the war started, I know that now. I will try to improve, and I can’t promise I won’t fuck up further in the coming days, but I will never not love you.”
“Dad…”
Lo’ak wanted to cry.
And in the protective embrace of his dad, he did. He let those long held tears flow loose, dripping down his cheeks and starting to obscure his vision as his breath started to heave at the force of it all.
“What I said wasn’t true. I am proud of the man you’re starting to grow into, and you have never shamed this family. I am the one who should be ashamed, never you.”
“I-I am sorry-”
“Stop saying sorry,” Jake demanded pulling his son closer. “Your sister was right. My burdens should not fall on your shoulders. You’re still young and deserve to be a child, not a soldier. So I am sorry.”
Pressing his lips against the crown on his youngest boy’s head, Jake only held him as his silent tears turned into soft sobs. All the pain and hurt that he had bottled up because of him, finally being lifted off his young shoulders that should have never been born them to begin with.
“Will you ever forgive your old man of his faults?” His dad asked after several minutes he finished crying, his deep voice hoarse with nerves.
Lo’ak had no idea how long his meltdown lasted, only letting out everything in the presence of his dad without restraint until he had no more tears left. It could have been five minutes or ten. Who knew at this point?
“You’re my dad…” he had whispered in return. “I will always forgive you.”
There was a thankful smile on Jake’s face, wrinkles crinkling in the corners of his wet eyes. “Then you’re a far better person than I have ever been. Thank you.”
He swallowed, and for the first time in a while, his next words had never been more genuine than at this moment.
“I love you, dad.”
There was a firm, warm squeeze around his body at hearing that.
“God, I love you too, kiddo. So much you don’t even know.”
Maybe he’d been mistaken after all.
Lo’ak doubted this would be the end of their turmoils because life came with them. It was just how it was; parents get angry at their kids, siblings get angry at each other and vice versa.
It was expected, but at least from now on he would be assured of his parents’ love for him, and their presence would be constant and there whenever he would need them despite their own faults as people.
Updates will unfortunately be a bit slow moving forward. My 3rd semester has started and I’ve started to prepare for my MA thesis + 4 classes, so my days are packed 🥲
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