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#orcs for life
niqhtlord01 · 6 months
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Humans are weird: Not what I expected
Human Security officer: First day on the job?
Alien Trainee: Yeah, bit nervous.
Human Security officer: Don’t be.
Human Security officer: Sure we see a bunch of strange things here on the station, but working security isn’t so bad.
*Over the radio*: Hey Sarge, it’s happening again.
Human Security officer: Gods damnit.
*Answers radio*
Human Security officer: Where are they this time?
*Over radio*: Deck three.
Human Security officer: *to Trainee* Right, I got to go handle this so you might as well come along to. ----------------------
*Several decks later*
Human Security officer: Now whatever happens, I need you to be calm.
Alien Trainee: Saying that makes me less calm.
Human Security officer: Just shut the hell up then and watch.
*turns corner and sees gathering of people. Many of them look like miners who had just returned from outer system asteroid mining*
Alien Trainee: *Looks confused as to what they are all looking at until they tilt their head up and see a monstrous being of pink flesh and tentacles clogging up one of the hallways leading to the docking bay*
*The creature is easily three to four times the size of any of the gathered humans and ooze drips from its tentacles*
Alien Trainee: *Begins to panic and rest their hand on their sidearm holster before realizing they haven’t been issued a weapon yet*
Alien Trainee: *Turns to look at human sarge only to find him casually walking towards the monster*
*Only now does the trainee realize that none of the humans appear to be panicking or freaking out*
*Crowd parts to let the human sarge stand before the creature that now turns its full attention to the security officer*
Human Security officer: Marvin?
Human Security officer: Marvin you need to go back home.
*Creature lets out a loud gurgling noise from beneath its tentacles that sends shivers down the alien trainee’s spines*
Human Security officer: Marvin! I know you don’t like it when your friends leave but they need to go back to work.
*More loud grumbling and the creature retreats further into the tunnel, fully blocking passage*
Human Security officer: MARVIN! Get out of the tunnel!
*Softer gurgling but the creature only uses their tentacles to cover their eyes*
Human Security officer: Marvin I can still see you; covering your eyes does nothing.
*No response*
Human Security officer: Marvin. Maaaaaaaaarvin. MARVIN!
*Still no response*
Human Security officer: *Sighs loudly*
Human Security officer: *Points to random worker* Where’s Mitch? Why isn’t he here dealing with this?
Human Miner: He got offered double shifts on the belt and took it for the extra money.
Human Security officer: Of course he did.
Alien Trainee: *Finally working courage up to speak* Who is this “Mitch”?
Human Security officer: *Turns remembering that the trainee was there* Ah, right; he’s Marvin’s owner and the only one he’ll listen to.
Alien Trainee: Is this, Marvin, a sentient being?
Human Security officer: More like a pet Mitch found a few years back and took with him.
Human Security officer: Don’t think he counted it on being the size of a bus.
*Sees Alien Trainee looking nervous*
Human Security officer: Don’t worry; despite his size Marvin’s a goofball with a heart of gold.
Alien Trainee: Can we not just stun it and drag it out of the way then?
*All humans nearby stop and look at Alien trainee, anger and shock on their faces*
Human Miner: Is that some sort of fucked up joke?
Human Miner 2: Yeah!
Human Miner 3: You heard Marvin has a heart of gold and you just want to stun it? What kind of monster are you?
*Loud rowdy humans increase in volume before Human Security officer waves them down*
Human Security officer: It’s his first day, go easy on him.
*Rowdiness decreases in volume but the humans still look upset*
Human Security officer: *Whispers* You can’t just go around saying you want to stun someone’s pet.
Alien Trainee: *Looks more confused*
Human Security officer: *Turns to miners* Alright, go through duct C90 and you should be able to get around him.
Human Miner: Fine, but so help us if Marvin’s still in that tunnel when we get back.
Human Security officer: What the hell are you arguing with me over that? Get Mitch to bring his ass back here so Marvin will calm down!
*Conversation devolves into argument as human miners begin pulling off a grill plate and shimmying through a duct around Marvin* (AI image provided by @myecandy )
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jeeaark · 2 days
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In Regards to Face-Grabbing Pep Talks Becoming A Thing This Team Does Now
And Platonic dancing lessons mind you. Greygold just really cherishing their friendship right now.
What golden flecks of memory I have left of Monster-Hunter Wyll's response to Greygold's 'you must think me a monstrosity' commentary was really friggin' heartwarming.
Uplifted Greygold's spirits after Lae'zel's reaction had felt....foreboding! Maybe their love life is in shambles but, by gods, are their friendships just. So good. So good. Can and Wyll Will move mountains for. Now with telekinesis.
Knowing their friends still love them even with extra bits, Greygold won't hesitate to charge into whatever comes their way in stride.
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I think what attracts people to humans are space orcs stories is not the inherent idea that humans are evolutionarily aberrant in the universe. Rather, it is the solution to the existential crisis of what if we are not alone in the universe. If we are alone in the universe, we are unique and able to make our mark on the universe unhindered. 
But if we are not alone, if there are countless other species, each identically unique, what is there to set humanity apart? How do we make the universe remember us after we have gone extinct. If all species are exactly like us, have things that make them unique and memorable, each grew up on a deathworld, each views themselves as a space orc, each has attributes about them but are multifaceted species, what difference does the existence of humanity make on the universe? Earth having evolved life will matter for the surrounding star systems and any individuals that come in contact with earthlings, but in a million years, will anyone care? Will we make a mark upon the universe, do anything to make the cosmos take notice of us?
And so in a universe of space orcs, what is it that humanity can do to separate ourselves? Space orc is not a prophecy, it is a promise to the stars. The only fear we have is not that we are not alone, it is that we are not unique.
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Orc boyfriend head canons
Warnings: mentions of sex, swearing, mentions of war, mentions of hunting, brief mention of blood.
Minors Don't Interact!
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Big scary orc boyfriend whose taken down dire wolves with his bare hands terrified by a little mouse. His tiny human lover has to catch the mouse and put it outside while he freaks out.
He'll give you all the kisses in the world after that praising you for being so brave.
May or may not give thanks by burying his face between your legs for a few hours.
He likes bring you back his trophys of war and hunting, he knows he doesn't have anything to prove but he still likes showing off to you.
Loves rubbing his tusks against you while cuddling in bed. Heart eyes and smitten if you kiss his tusks.
Would die on the spot if he saw you wearing only pelts from animals he killed. Run back to that bed or else your getting railed on the closest surface he can find.
Is ok with doing you in front of all his friends but if your not comfortable with it he won't push the topic at all. He respects your choices
Will try to take you hunting though, mostly so he can show off but it's also a bonding experience for him.
Likes picking you up and puting you on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes with his hand on your ass. He'll walk around your home and even outside if you let him.
He thinks putting a bear pelt down in front of the fire place with a couple of bottles of mead is the most romantic thing in the world and will pull this move any time he feels romantical or if you need a night of pampering.
He also thinks battling side to side covered in your enemy's blood is just as romantic.
Lord this man is bad at reading, he's more a himbo type. Sit on his lap and read out loud to him he will absolutely love it. His arms will wrap around you holding you close as you read to him. Better yet let him use your lap as a pillow while you read to him.
If you have hair long enough please let him brush and braid it he loves it. Do the same to him he finds it intimate and rather romantic.
Oh boy oh boy ask him about his scars and his tattoos, he'll spend hours telling you about them in great details.
In his mind your alredy married but if you explain to him you want a wedding he will be more than happy to listen to how you would want it and try to get as close to that as possible. He's going to go all out for the wedding sex too.
He has a tattoo in honor of you. May have more than one.
Would be so happy if you got a tattoo that had to do with him but wouldn't be disappointed if you didn't.
If you have any pets he treats them like their your children.
Will bread you in hopes of having your kids even if it's impossible for number of reason's. Still fun to pretend.
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misspoken-pea · 1 month
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I feel like if humans came into contact and formed alliances with aliens and the aliens discover “humans are space orcs” on tumblr, they will share the same reaction we do to flat-earthers.
That’s it. That’s my ted talk.
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rad-roche · 3 months
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warmup doodle of my bg3 character
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hellonearthtoday · 1 year
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Raise your hand if you hate TITWPO . Worst acronym
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blighted-elf · 6 months
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Half-orc fans, come get your food.
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I've uploaded the head preset I made for my BG1/2 Bhaalspawn, Telvesh, and three new vivid green skintones.
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You can download them here!
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saccharineomens · 24 days
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You know, watching the anime made me realize something, so I went looking.
We (manga readers, anime-onlies beware spoilers later on) already know Senshi’s tragic backstory and that the reason why he stays in the dungeon is to take care of it.
Early on in the manga, Senshi behaved with a complete disregard to Chilchuck’s orders to keep them safe. It’s possible Senshi behaved this way because he didn’t respect Chilchuck’s skills, or he thought that none of the traps would be able to harm him (due to being a dwarf). When he offered up his life to the orcs (before his vegetables, even), maybe he was simply trusting that Zon wasn’t actually going to kill them (despite them brutally murdering an entire pub in front of their eyes). But what if he simply…doesn’t care whether he lives or dies?
Senshi shows no interest in returning to society, preferring to keep to himself. He lives only for tending to the dungeon and cooking his next meal. He behaves recklessly with his own safety, and he hasn’t moved on from the trauma he experienced almost eighty years prior. He also believes that resurrection is unnatural, and accepts his own death with relative ease.
I think his survivor’s guilt left him passively suicidal, just waiting for his inevitable death to come to him, and holds fiercely onto Gillin’s final wishes that Senshi lives on as a reason to not seek it out.
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garcavisconde · 1 year
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“Is it true that your kind can see things the hard sciences have trouble grasping in mathematical form?”
“Yes”, the alien said, curiously picking at parts of a long metallic device he was holding. The thing connected to the ground, firmly and gently holding its owner with a bright pink cord. “Although, I wouldn’t describe the spiritual world as ‘a thing the hard sciences have trouble with’. We have quite the theorems for that”.
“It makes sense”, the other alien answered, before not so politely pointing at the human. “And what does our prisoner have over there?”
The human lifted his head up, determined eyes staring back. He Who Could See The Kind shook his head, not looking into their prisoner.
“A perfectly normal, if not weirdly discreet, soul. Nothing extraordinary”.
The captain was not satisfied. She grumbled, her soul signaling sharp redish ends with anger. The Seer dared to take another glance at the human, before once again cowering his own vision.
“Describe me what ‘perfectly normal’ means for a human”, she challenged him to continue.
“You see”, he continued, nervously looking at an empty spot besides the prisoner. “You all have some colours around you, that change with your minds. Humans do have it, but it’s smaller. Just some faint lines - if the room had more lights, I would have trouble seeing it. There’s, uhm, some shades of violet and blue - pretty colors, normal for humans -, and sometimes a spark here and there, because it wants to escape the vessel, obviously...”
“Escape?”
“Yes, ma’am. All human souls desire to leave their vessels”.
“Bodies, is the word you’re looking for”.
“Vessel is the better term for humans”, the Seer corrected. “It’s, uhm, quite improper for my kind to use ‘body’ as a replacement for ‘vessel’, ma’am. And...”
Another look. The human kept staring, even with such fragile vessel.
“I, uh, have to apologise. It’s hard to stare at the eyes - predator eyes, you see, and the sparks from the soul come in full force out of there. Doesn’t bring good memories to us. But, uhm...”
The Seer firmly grabbed his mobility device, more anxious than ever.
“May the Lights protect me, and here let it be noticed that I shall not invite evil into this ship, but... U-uhm... T...”
“Oh, please, speak for once!”
The Captain slammed the table; the Seer trembled, more horrified than ever before.
“T-there’s something else alongside the human! Something that shall never have a vessel, hopefully! It’s - I don’t want to look at it! It’s crude, a dark shade, a pure being of shadow! All it wants is to receive an invite to be free to torment this ship and its inhabitants, especially that human! If any of you welcome it in here, I’m out!”
Silence from the Seer; the Captain crooked a sound from her mouth, satisfied with the amount of information she could gather. With eyes flaming with fury, she looked back at the prisoner.
“I thought you said no one was here with you, earthling”.
“I don’t know who the fuck you’re talking about”, the humans responded with a snarl. “I don’t see anyone in here. And if there is anyone in here, then fuck off, you too!”
“Don’t talk with it!”, the Seer responded, horrified. “It might perceive it as an invite!”
“Invite to what, possess me? Since when did ‘fuck off you too’ is perceived as an invite?!”
The Seer covered his face by that point, feeling as the entity swirled with satisfaction at the conflict. The human, however, only grew with distaste.
“If you two think that a ‘demon’ or whatever is following me, good fucking luck talking with it withou the ouija board! Me and Kyle broke it days before you arrived!”
No sounds came from the crew of pirates.
The human blinked at the Captain, making an angry expression, maybe getting ready to spit on her face.
The Seer crudely grabbed the handles of his mobility device, before gathering courage to talk with the horrified Captain:
“T-that’s what I was going to tell you, Captain. Humans play with the Other Side all the time for the fun of it”.
“You... You did not tell me they could see those things, Seer”.
“They can’t!”
“And they play with it?!”
The Captain got up from her chair, covered in the darkest of the purples of horror. The Seer could say the same for himself, millions of years of survival instincts immediately kicking in, one at a time and right after the other.
The creature - whatever it was - that wanted desperately to torment the human seemed to chuckle. The prisoner, however, was unfazed, disconnected from those horrors. The Seer could tell his lack of belief was what was protecting him from any attempts at communication.
With a sigh, he figure he could not do much. Not when he was another prisoner to the Captain’s ship. He could, however, make her regret the greed. Uncaringly, the said the reason all humans would later be kicked out of the ship:
"All the time, Captain”.
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andejoe · 2 years
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A aliens guide to humans that have a bit of a temper or have strong uncontrolled emotions? Or that have a tendency to bite claw or scratch when angered
Guide to Upset Humans
While most humans grow out of fits of rage, or learn to handle them discretely, there are moments of unbridled emotion that can well up. This guide hopes to prepare you should this happen.
Do NOT assume you can handle flailing limbs. Humans tap into insane strength when they are emotional.
It is vital to prevent a human from flinging their limbs lest they hurt themselves and not realize it. Use a blanket or other large wrap to protect both you and the human.
Once the limbs are secured, a human may fight harder if their emotional state triggers their danger instincts or they may relax into sobs.
If the human begins to sob, do not release them. Fetch them cold water, a hot drink, and something to eat.
If the human fights harder, DO NOT release them.
Without letting the human free, move as far away as possible.
Human teeth may not look sharp, but they can and will bite a chunk of flesh off your body.
Wear protective armor. Humans invented a near perfect material called ‘denim’ that is flexible and teeth proof. *Denim does NOT protect from the pain of a bite, just protects the flesh from being ripped off*
If the human escapes, do not try to recapture them. Their fight or flight instincts have already engaged and any further interference will likely lead to someone or something being damaged/hurt.
If you absolutely must stop the human immediately, gather several others and encircle the human in a group hug. This will likely force the human to relax, although it will take time.
If you can, it may be easiest to lead the human into an empty room with only one guarded exit and allow them to calm down naturally.
Report all wounds immediately.
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dogwatch05 · 1 year
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Conversations 3
Human 1 : "What are you doing? Put it back and buy it at Walmart."
Human 2: *Feral Hiss*
Human 1 to Human 3: "She hissed at me!"
Human 2: "That was not intentional"
Alien: "I need a new job"
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carionto · 3 months
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The Revitalization League of Extinct Sports
Documentation!
Every culture and civilization creates mountains of records of all kinds, though sadly the ones that have the highest chance of surviving beyond the ages are also prone to retain the least amount of complete information.
Wear and tear of physical mediums is unavoidable, no matter the precautions and measures taken. Thus there are countless organizations and individuals dedicated to finding, preserving and restoring information that has been lost to time.
One such group aims to recover the lost art of athletics, physical competitions, and exercises of pure strength and speed. The results have been...
mixed.
Their primary sources of "inspiration" have been ancient print media depicting the lives of a subgroup of Humans called 'Alpha Males', though DNA analysis has yet to identify a consistent genetic code to substantiate their actual existence. Nevertheless, there are quite a few depictions from a limited spectrum of Human history of these Alphas engaged in a variety of dangerous activities.
Some speculate that it was a mutation that had a predisposition towards recklessness and so if these Alphas truly were a Human sub-variant at some point, their nature made them extinct within just the span of a few generations. However, their exploits have survived to this day and age, and the Revitalization League of Extinct Sports has replicated these, within reason, of course.
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This particular display of strength and endurance, has been named "Naked and Ferocious". The goal of this activity, we speculate, was to showcase ones individual prowess against a seemingly inferior opponent of another species, but who had numbers on their side.
Events often seen in nature, where the goal is survival, are sometimes reintroduced by a society where such conflict has been eliminated to maintain some connection with their origins, to never forget the cruel reality that awaits should civilization collapse, or most commonly a simple showcase of strength for personal ego reasons.
The League, naturally, cannot offer one to fight actual living creatures, that would simply be too chaotic and dangerous for everyone involved. Plus laws exist, but only because to some the obvious problems are, apparently, not obvious. What they offer instead are robotic replicas, as lifelike as the real deal, but programmed to either not cause any harm, or if the participant signs a warrant, limited harm.
It's... quite popular among some crowds. Of Humans mostly. It can be a little, actually, a lot off-putting to see a bare chested Human crush a mechanical creature MADE OF METAL that kinda resembles some members of the Galactic Coalition.
Humans are incredibly terrifying, no matter what they do or if they even have access to their literal planet destroying machines or just their own bodies.
The creativity of destruction knows no bounds.
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goblinlurkin · 2 months
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need to find a way to advertise my art to furries that arent interested in human people
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celebbun · 7 months
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Finally done with my @tolkienrsb piece. Two sisters talking and enjoying life after a tumultuous period of time.
Thank you @cilil for pinch hitting for my art and picking me up when I was down 💕
Inspired by Eugene de Blaas' Two Venetian Women.
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dgtor-official · 6 months
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POV: 7’6” Barbarian Orc woman, who’s lost her mate and is trying to reunite with her remaining family has just been hit on by the party’s down bad bard.
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