Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
#or write a retrospective idk
authenticcadence189 days ago
14 notesView notes
princeanxiousa year ago
A Conversation with My Subconcious; A shaky poem.
There's a fear in your eyes that doesn't escape me.
There's nothing I can do to save you, but that doesn't mean I don't want to.
Is there anything left in that chasmic chest of yours?
Is your brain paralyzed for the life that lay yet beyond you?
Your voice lay mute but the silence screams it all.
How long will it be till you let your walls fall?
Feelings dormant and deafened by a world threatening to make you withdraw.
You sit on your own, yet the choice yours alone.
Your reach not for help yet acknowledge that it's vital to heal,
What a self-destructive battlefield to play on, your rationale long impaired.
Was there ever a direction you sought out to travel on, despite being scared?
The absence of the anger that fueled you now seems to dilute you,
Yet you settle right here, will walls built from fear.
And you seek no way out of the grave that you've dug,
Unmotivated and unwilling to adhere.
So what will you do, little caged dove?
90 notesView notes
percifieda year ago
@pluresque continued from x
聽 聽 聽It had all been a bit of a blur. Fall of the Briarwoods, reclaiming of Whitestone, rebuilding efforts of the city, and then the Conclave, and then his responsibilities for Vox Machina, and then, and then, and then.聽
聽 聽 聽Time, the most precious resource of all. Easy to lose track of, even easier to let it slip through your fingers.聽
聽 聽 聽He doesn鈥檛 recognize it at first, more than happy to slip back into the role of Lord that was expected of him. A welcomed sense of repetition and protocol. But it nagged at him, like a joke he was not privy to, in plain sight yet elusive all at once. Then, in a moment same as any other, it hits him, suddenly, violently, shaking him to his core. --Why did he see himself聽in Cassandra鈥檚 eyes?
聽 聽 聽She used to be the loud聽one. The youngest, getting away with things he聽could not have simply due to her age. The fires of youth burning bright in her. Used to. Now... Now she was quiet, noticeably聽so.聽Keeping up the expected appearances and adherence to the protocols聽their titles required, sure, but it was just that, pretend.聽
聽 聽 聽Years ago, he would not have cared. Would have been content to leave Cassandra, or any of their siblings really, to deal with whatever troubles they鈥檝e had going on on their own. But times had changed, and so had they. If they could not accept it, if they could not adapt, then they would be doomed once more.聽
聽 聽 聽 鈥樷 May I come in, my lady?鈥欌 Recognition stings once more as he looks into her eyes. The same tired eyes, same distant voice. Funny, for siblings who had been raised so far apart, they were starting to eerily resemble one another.
0 notes
necro-divergenta year ago
#inconvenient how what are feelings. why do i have to categorize these.#like. i still feel that i do Not experience the construct of romance or romantic feelings. and i do not want to#and if i try to think about the idea of 'dating' or like me having a boyfriend/partner/etc its very weird and awkward and kinda bad#so that repulsion is still there! for which i am glad because its been an important part of my identity#but also the feelings i DO have about persons who shall not be named publicly until i know if that would be acceptable are like#hm. such that i know i do have a differentiated category of emotions#and that and the wants that come with it are. i feel on a gut level that its Different From Romance.#but i dont know *what the difference actually is* beyond me like. rejecting the supremacy of romance(TM) as a political choice yknow#like. i would call this Being In Love. but not romo. just#am i allowed to just want to pledge my love and loyalty and tell people its not romantic feelings if they ask and let the feelings be#what they are#and then like half my models for interpersonal interaction are in this weird Medieval Narrative space that feels defined differently#from the modern conceptiosn#like hm. were i actually living in a 'knight pledged to lord' kind of narrative. *those* are structures i like and that make sense to me#and in that case would what i feel be distinguishable from romance at all? or is it just the actual structures that dont work for me?#what a mess idk#ignore me im just trying to write some stuff out#i know there IS a difference that isnt just 'i dont choose to conceptualize my relationships as romantic' but i also know that#from an outsiders perspective. the last time i felt this way it looked the same as romance#even though in retrospect it wasnt really#and ik back in the 'you have One Special Friend at a time. you would die for them. all your love is for this person' days#i always thought of that friend as just that--'best friend'--and everyone else said crush#and in retrospect neither were quite right? so who knows
5 notesView notes
softpine11 days ago
omg i was scrolling through older posts bc nostalgia and all that stuff... but now i鈥檓 wondering if the family is ever gonna visit selvadorada again?
ahh that makes me happy that you were looking back ;-; and mayyybe? the issue i'm having is that i'm really unhappy with the way i wrote selvadorada / the culture surrounding it. i very much used the information that the jungle adventures pack provided as a blueprint, but as time has gone on, as my story gets more realistic, and as i deal with so many real issues, it just doesn't feel appropriate to write such a one-dimensional view of this fictional country that ea has given us. looking back on it now, i just don't like the way selvadorada is portrayed and how they conflate so many latin american countries all into one, which i thereby did as well. there's not much i can do to fix this issue retrospectively. i've actually been thinking about this really hard lately because i'm sooo sick of using in-game "canon" names for locations. i so badly wish i had just chosen real life locations so that i could accurately portray an experience and a culture, not a generalized view of a fictional place. or i at least wish i had invented my OWN fictional place instead of using ea's. idk ahhhh i just wish i had done a lot differently and it's really holding me back from wanting to revisit selvadorada :/
one day i might just say fuck it and start using real-world location names without any mention of the change jfksjd idk UGH it's such a dumb thing to stress about, but i do...
37 notesView notes
not-close-to-straight15 days ago
Hi, I could have sworn you had a tattoo parlor au with Steve/Bucky/Natasha/Clint. But I can't find it anywhere which means you probably didn't write one 馃槄. But could you please lmk if you did? I've been down a ao3 rabbit hole all day and I can't find anything 馃槶
I did have it, it was actually... the second? Fan fiction I ever wrote
But I never got any comments or likes on it, and the few comments I did get were basically destroying my characterizations (which is semi fair, I was a brand new writer and in retrospect, my Bucky was 100% not Bucky, I just borrowed his looks and nothing else) and complaining about Steve being oblivious and how Tasha was only there as a sex symbol and how Clint made a shitty Dom (again in retrospect, probably semi true, but I was a brand new writer!)
Anyway, I was actually in love with the series but it got so discouraging that I ended up deleting it from AO3 and my master lists. I always meant to go back and maybe edit it like I did with Ironhawk but my grasp of the characters has moved so far forward that I don鈥檛 think I would 鈥渆diting鈥 it so much as I would be completely redoing it from start to finish, all I鈥檇 probably keep is the stripper!bucky and tattoo artist!clintasha parts and scrap everything else, so instead I just deleted it.
Sorry! There might be a few chapters I didn鈥檛 catch to delete floating around tumblr but idk anymore.
Also! It鈥檚 good to hear from you! It鈥檚 been a long time since I鈥檝e seen you around!
21 notesView notes
grogblogging20 days ago
so many things that have happened in critical role (and just dnd games in general) would just be contrived or cheesy in a scripted medium, but because it's literally up to the dice (chance? fate?) they become so much more... Real somehow. Like Jester's tarot reading, in a book it would just be obvious foreshadowing but here it was random and yet meaningful and also somehow foreshadowing but from the universe?? idk I'm just very Emotions since Thursday (well Friday morning technically, the joys of catching the livestream in Europe)
i've been thinking about this so much too, like
the vast majority of the stories we consume are constructed roughly forwards. & i mean, people writing novels or scripts rarely write completely chronologically. but it's constructed forwards in that, like, they start with a story they want to tell, & they work on it until it's the best version of that story
but in the critical role model of actual play -- that is, generally less authored than many of the other big shows -- the narrative is constructed backwards. things happen, and then we rationalise them into a story. jester's tarot reading wasn't planned as foreshadowing -- when it happened, there was nothing to foreshadow, and in any case she rolled for the cards. but in retrospect, it is. fjord's conversation with caleb in ep98 wasn't planned as a death flag, but considering he did actually die later in that episode, in retrospect we see it as one
@pike-the-monstah made a great post on how the cast themselves narrativise backwards by yes, and-ing everything that happens, & that's a large part of why things feel so planned. they go to great lengths to make the things that happen feel right, to retroactively trace the narrative arc in events & bring it to the fore
& like, the cool thing about that? that's how we narrativise real life. any real-life story from history wasn't a story while it was happening, it's only in retrospect that we can organise everything that happened & zoom out until it has a narrative structure we recognise. none of the great triumphs or tragedies of history were either of those things until they had actually happened
which is to say, i think this last episode has really thrown it into sharp relief for me that the magic of this campaign -- and similar actual play campaigns in general -- is its realness. the nat 1 into divine intervention miracle could have felt cheap in a scripted medium, a literal deus ex machina. but in dnd, we know how unlikely both of those rolls were, and we know that the table couldn't have just waved a storytelling wand and made everything end happily. they aren't in full control of events, only of the narrative we tell after they've happened. and so the miracles are miracles, every bit as magical & unlikely as they should be, & not just wish-fulfilment granted by an all-powerful storyteller
i love it. it's so so good
438 notesView notes
darkchocolatekitkat25 days ago
(Sorta response to the anon ask about potential) I think it's important to remember that we, the audience, have liberties that RT doesn't when it comes to our fics/rewrites. RT doesn't have the luxury of years of retrospection on the show, or all the time they could want, to write. RT are also writing from scratch, not just adding to another's work. It's like the difference between following a recipe and cooking from scratch.
Not saying it excuses their blatant missteps, but as someone who has written on a deadline like that for something I'm getting paid for before, let me tell you it can be really easy to let cracks form moment to moment.
Hey, @just-rwby Idk why I just haven't been seeing your asks until recently, but this is a very fair point to make. It's easy to spot mistakes from the outside, it's much harder to see them in your own work. I have a consistent writing partner for fan fics who often will scroll over sentences on our google docs that I wrote and then write 'What?' So I know I'm just not communicating what I want right, and not writing so well. Writing is hard, and I'm by no means a professional.
As for re-writes, it is聽important to note that we are聽looking at RWBY from the outside and have all of the time in the world to figure out how we鈥檇聽鈥榙o it right,鈥 we have all the pieces we need, we know where the characters might be headed from the start, we can see where the writers may have tripped up, we can watch RWBY fifty times to make sure we have the full picture. If someone were to re-write Harry Potter, they might get rid of the unnecessary floo network and use portkeys from the start because while JK Rowling might not have invented them when she wrote book two, we聽know - after years and years of being able to critically look at the complete series - that portkeys are going to exist and will be crucial for the fourth book. But that doesn鈥檛 mean that we鈥檙e better or worse at writing than JK Rowling.
The first time I was making a聽鈥榬e-write鈥 it was to alter the character reactions to Lost Fable in volume six that had really frustrated me. During the course of that fic, me and the person that I was writing the fic with turned it into a big overarching story where we A. Forgot that Raven had suggested Ozpin was her headmaster and had him be the former classmate of Qrow. B. Missed the quick flash of Pietro we see in volume three when Penny is killed and instead wrote an OC father for her. C. Forgot that communications were down and had that OC father contact them via their scrolls sometimes. And so on and so forth. Even with the option to watch through the first five seasons over and over, we were still making lots of mistakes. Of course, we were writing the fic for ourselves, never published it, and never sold it or claimed to be professionals.
Making AUs is great! It鈥檚 always fun to re-write things in the way that we want or to fix the mistakes we can see since we鈥檙e not under any time limit and can really think things through. For instance, I鈥檝e been slowly trying to work on a RWBY re-write and one of the things I鈥檇 do is keep Ironwood a hero and go with Yang x Weiss and Blake x Sun as romantic ships. It would be ridiculous for me to say that RWBY should鈥檝e gone with those ships and that arc for Ironwood just because I want it. But聽it is perfectly valid for me to say that I don鈥檛 think the way they did Ironwood鈥檚 arc was good and that I don鈥檛 think Blake x Yang as a ship has been done well. And it may have been rushed, but CRWBY are meant to be professionals trying to sell a product, unlike me.
Criticizing RWBY is valid, even venting and bashing and nitpicking is valid (posting it using the proper tags in a website so the creators will never see and that fans of the show can filter out.) RWBY the official product has聽to be held to a higher standard than any fanwork, because it is聽official, it鈥檚 meant to be professional, and it鈥檚 a product that RT is trying to sell people on. As creative and good and full of potential RWBY can be at times, their big mistakes are more serious and impact the overall story or even have hurtful narratives that impact the real world.
But RWBY fanworks are inherently built off of RWBY. People who make RWBY聽 re-writes can alter the world magic, they can change up character ages and backgrounds, they can throw in聽鈥榝ixes鈥 and leave out some of the bigger mistakes and some of the harmful narratives in RWBY... But in the end, they aren鈥檛 making their own product, they鈥檙e just altering the foundation of someone else鈥檚 work and doing so with none of the limitations they have. Whether or not people who make these re-writes are better writers than the CRWBY writers is something that can鈥檛聽be gauged through those re-writes, it has to be gauged through the products they鈥檝e actually made on their own.
I鈥檝e never managed to make anything of my own. I have tons of ideas, but I struggle to get them to become anything solid. The fact that the RWBY writers consistently put out a product is an accomplishment I鈥檝e only dreamed about. But聽there are still these big, blatant mistakes and it is聽perfectly to valid to wonder at how they were missed and to criticize RWBY for them, because it impacts their story in the long run.
24 notesView notes
greyduckgreygoose27 days ago
Okay if Jaskier has a shred of an idea that it's a video game, he might just assume that he can't love Geralt because Geralt might just be another NPC. Seriously. He goes "hmm" more often than speaking words, seems like something an NPC would do. Or, alternatively, Jaskier knows Geralt's the main character of the game, and thus comes to some muddled conclusion that Geralt is meant to romance someone vastly more important than him, the travelling bard. The playwrights clearly didn't specify that the sidekick /can't/ be in love with the hero, so, being the actor that he is, Jaskier... Improvised, as actors are wont to do, even tho it was not intentional. I could picture these thoughts make Jaskier frustrated so he becomes determined to love Geralt has hard as he possibly can, even if it's just in the quiet of his own brain. And this whole time the idiots are in love with each other but neither realizes the other also knows they're in a video game, for so so SO long. Idk at his point I'm just spitballing, I love this idea a lot tho and would love to read anything you write for it!
everyone thinks that they're the main character in their own game, right? jaskier thinks he MUST be ... after all, he understands things that others don't seem to, sees the boundaries of their world for what they are
(when he'd spoken on this in the past, there were mutters that he was fae-touched or elf-bred, and so jaskier has learned to keep his mouth shut)
jaskier decides, with not a small bit of narcissism, that he must be the fulcrum of this world, destined for sweeping adventures and epic romances.
like the witcher he picks up in posada. clearly a call to adventure. jaskier hopes that he's not just a tutorial character, because he's quite handsome, and a bit charming, after you get past the gruffness ...
after a few years, jaskier has to resign himself to the fact that geralt is just not a romance-able companion character. he's tried to give geralt gifts, but they are only accepted after geralt completes some quest for him (accompanying him to banquets, retrieving a bundle of letters being used to blackmail one of his former paramours, saving him for being hung for cuckoldry etc. etc.), and geralt usually seems more interested in their monetary value than the thought jaskier put into them
whenever jaskier says anything remotely flirtatious, geralt will brush it off with a laugh.
"i know you're desperate, jaskier, but you don't have to be this desperate."
"why so mushy today jaskier? this back-water vodka stronger than it tastes? or can't you hold your alcohol anymore?"
it must be true, then, that geralt was not made to return jaskier's affections. frustrating, for jaskier finds that geralt is his favorite character. their dialogue exchanges are witty and warm, and whenever jaskier sees geralt's dry little half-smile, something bright and fluttery breaks off in his stomach. jaskier thinks he has far more chemistry with geralt than any of jaskier's available love interests, and most of his romantic affairs end in trouble anyway (which geralt has to help him out of).
jaskier finally puts the pieces together a few years later ... that he's the npc in geralt's party rather than it being the other way around. it's obvious, in retrospect, with the way geralt is always muttering to himself, flinging out one-liners even when there's no one around to hear him and talking about things like "vitality bars" and "toggling". jaskier just thought that those were witcher lingo ...
it doesn't really change things between them though. jaskier is made to be a companion rather than a romance option, no matter how much he longs to break from his script.
(or, perhaps cruelly, he was made to love geralt ... but fruitlessly, hopelessly. perhaps this is just one giant joke in the eyes their creators.)
so jaskier does his best to keep his feelings under wraps, even as he burns with them. it makes it both better and worse that geralt seems to have taken a liking to jaskier as well. he hangs around jaskier, prodding him for middling quests even as the main story hook waits just around the corner. they'll ramble for hours off-trail just enjoying the sunshine, jaskier strumming his lute while geralt collects herbs for his bottomless pack.
("isn't there a werewolf about?" jaskier asks, watching geralt strip and dry a bunch of fool's parsley.
"shouldn't you be ... looking for it?"
"it's the last contract i have open here. after i kill it, i'll have to leave for valen," geralt says, and almost looks ... petulant.
"ah," jaskier says, feeling sad because he will not be able to come with. he doesn't know when they will meet again (he never does). every time they part, jaskier can only hope that he can play a role in a later chapter of geralt's story. "well you'd better prepare yourself for your journey while you can.")
that night, geralt orders a single room for them both. there's some stilted dialogue about how unfortunate it is that they are both low on coin.
geralt seems flustered and discomfited all evening, despite the joking, and jaskier almost wants to seduce himself into a different bed for the night, just to avoid the awkwardness. but in the end, he is selfish and follows geralt up to the inn room and crawls into bed with him, whispering a soft "good night" as he wraps the blanket around his body and turns to the wall.
if this is the closest that jaskier will be allowed to be to geralt, he'll take it. he'll always take it.
287 notesView notes
i鈥檓 like, in a really retrospective and dumb mood right now. idk even know why. But of course, all i can think about is you, again. But different now. You know, I wish I could hate you. I really wish, with all of my heart, that I could.聽 But I really don鈥檛. And I mean, I love you still, but not in the same way. I can鈥檛 say how it is I love you now, because I don鈥檛 know myself, but that鈥檚 how it goes. You taught me a lot of things during our time together. Things about myself. Things to look for. Things to run from. Like you. Maybe moving nearly 1000 miles away was pretty dramatic. Maybe it was. But I think, if I had stayed there, I鈥檇 be dead.聽 I wish I could鈥檝e seen you the night before I left. It鈥檚 funny, I kept having this dream that you would come over, and you鈥檇 tell me how much you wanted me to stay, and we鈥檇 hug and make up and it would be great. But this ain鈥檛 a fairy tale or shit. And it was unfair for me to put you in a position like that. But you know, you鈥檙e really not a good person either. You led me on for months. You told me one week I was all you ever wanted to saying you wanted to date other people. And all the bullshit about you not being able to commit, but you started seeing someone within a month of my departure. Stupid. Idk why you鈥檙e plaguing my mind again tonight. Maybe because I find myself in a retrospective mood, wishing things had been different, I could see you again. It鈥檚 been two years since I last saw you, nearly a year since I last talked to you. And that鈥檚 a good thing! But why do I keep updating the stupid playlist I made for you? Why am I writing this thing that I know you鈥檒l never see? I know you deleted that sticky note on your desktop long ago. You don鈥檛 know this url.聽 In the end, I really hope you鈥檙e happy. It might not be with me, but in the end, if you鈥檙e happy, that I am content with that. I might hate the fact that you are. Because I was when I was with you, but I don鈥檛 think you ever were with me, at least not after the first couple months. I know I wasn鈥檛 good either. I had all my own personal issues. But I just wish you could鈥檝e committed. I was just a rebound, I now know. Idk, I don鈥檛 have a really good reason for writing this. But I guess, even know, I miss you. I could never be friends. But damn, do i miss your smile. I miss your laugh. and I really miss the way you鈥檇 keep your eyes closed after we kissed, just for a few seconds, as if to hold onto it for just that bit longer. Christ I need a drink.
1 noteView note
ohisthistakenaswella month ago
About 3 weeks since school officially ended. It鈥檚 crazy to think that i made it out alive. 4 years of mental havoc (and a few moments of bliss), and here i am! Graduated with a degree i used to think i wasn鈥檛 suited for, but i know now more than ever than i am, and was. Such an interesting journey in self-exploration and finding my own identity and voice and purpose in this world. I鈥檓 thankful though, of all the things i鈥檝e went through and all the people that鈥檝e been specially and specifically placed in my life through different seasons of it. You know who you are. Maybe i鈥檒l write a retrospective post soon.. who knows? I鈥檓 a lazy loose cannon these days lol. What a weird way of using that analogy but it speaks volumes about my inherent laziness and over-clouded brain. Many times i find myself stuck between piecing my thoughts into proper coherent sentences and not bothering at all. BUT AS YOU KNOW I AM DIGRESSING :鈥橠
Today we got an email telling us that our commencement has been cancelled. Well not really, it鈥檚 being moved online, but cancelled nonetheless. Sucks, but i am honestly unfazed. Probably saw it coming a month ago, probably shouldn鈥檛 have collected my gown a week early. But it鈥檚 okay! I can write another rant post about who is to blame for all this covid mess but I AM DIGRESSING AGAIN.聽
Or am i? I don鈥檛 know. I didn鈥檛 really set out a clear agenda for this post. No thesis statement. It鈥檚 just a slurry of words in rapid fire from my mind, or as fast as my fingers can type. I guess i wanted to talk about how crappy it was that my graduation from uni became so anticlimactic, but as i鈥檓 typing i realised it鈥檚 really okay. We play the cards we鈥檙e dealt with and hope for the best. That鈥檚 all that we can really do, right? Why hold bitter feelings when life as so much more to offer? When Jesus has already redeemed you from your bondage of sin? You鈥檙e already set free, so let it go thad, let it all go. (cue something from norah jones or maybe hillsong idk lol)
SO I GUESS the purpose of this post is to tell you that i have a lot of things bothering me (most of which i have not penned down), but i鈥檒l be okay :-) I鈥檝e really begun to appreciate negativity in its bare essence. It鈥檚 okay to have negative feelings and thoughts. It鈥檚 all part of the human experience. But let it be a reminder that even as you walk though life with a sad little rain cloud, there will always be sunlight that will pierce its way though that thick cloud of negativity. A ray of hope, as you will. A prospect of good things to come. Why? Because Jesus says so. He claims so. He demands it so. With His Godly prerogative, He tells you that things WILL look up, and you will find it in you to smile again. :-) That鈥檚 His grace. A stamp of His love in your sad pathetic miserable life. LOL. A down will always have an up. Positives will always have negatives. Let this be a prayer - you won鈥檛 be sad forever. A valley is only a valley when it is part of a hilltop. Don鈥檛 look up, nor down, but look forward. Smile in the face of adversity, because our God is always good, and His mercies endureth forever.聽
also life update (i guess), since this post has no coherency whatsoever:聽
i started working at a cafe (well it was 2 cafes but covid ensues)! It鈥檚 hella boring because of the new dining restrictions, and it sucks that i won鈥檛 get to explore my coffee interests in the other cafe (they were supposed to have a soft opening soon and was training me to be a barista but oh well). But in the meantime i have been practicing my latte art at home and tbh it has been a messy disaster 90% of the time LOL but i am confident i鈥檒l be able to make a basic tulip by the end of the month!!!
i am also teaching myself how to sew & i bought a small portable sewing machine from shopee how fun!!
& i met this incredible friend recently and Lord i am so so so thankful! I鈥檝e honestly never met someone who could talk to me and relate to me on such a deep personal & emotional level. I鈥檓 truly blessed :鈥( You really restored what i lost in the friendship department with something much better. Ok i didn鈥檛 lose anything, but it was an unwilling acceptance in moving forward. So yes, thank You :-)聽
OK WOW WHAT A LONG POST. Might as well just tell you what鈥檚 on my mind now, in conclusion -聽
thinking of eating that char siew pau i bought just now but i am feeling guilty from all the food i鈥檝e eaten today so maybe nah?聽
0 notes
fridaystara month ago
Since you're getting to this part in the series, am I the only one who thinks Bluestar vehemently saying "Redtail would never kill anyone", but completely believing that Oakheart would kill someone is a little weird? I'm sure its cuz they didn't think that far into her story, but in retrospect, it seems really odd. Like, "my deputy would never kill anyone, but my mate? Yeah, sure." Idk just seemed weird and I haven't really seen anyone talk about it. What do you think?
yeah thats an interesting question! this did cross my mind when I was reading fire and ice, honestly its one of those things that most likely just boils down to 鈥渂ecause plot鈥 lol. but I feel like it kind of works because it鈥檚 not like bluestar would have actually been able to express any feelings of disbelief that oakheart could have killed someone because as far as everyone else knew she had no reason to know his character that well. theres also the fact that they hadnt been mates for a long time and it would probably be easier for her to write it off as either not knowing him as well as she thought she did, or assuming he had changed somehow, versus redtail who she knew for his entire life. idk like I said it鈥檚 definitely one of those moments where characters just do things to make the plot work lol it doesnt make total sense but I think you can kind of rationalize it
93 notesView notes
dastardlydandeliona month ago
Axecution Director's Commentary? If you're still doing it?
oh gosh, the whole thing?? and yes, i鈥檓 still doing it! it won鈥檛 end until there鈥檚 axe throwing! family bonding axe throwing!!
so. it was never supposed to be that long. wasn鈥檛 supposed to be a series at all. or even a story! once again, i can鈥檛 take credit for the series title, that would be the wonderful @slayernina and i have a silly sense of humor, so. i was dead ass snickering abt that pun for like a week. axecution is an au of an au of an au, so surely that means i鈥檝e accumulated a fair share of dark crack capital, if nothing else. uhh, the also wonderful @lucdarling gets credit for axecution鈥檚 existence too, for giving me the home invasion coverup idea that spawned the whole thing.聽聽
what, a lot! i mean, hey, it鈥檚 47k now, ofc there鈥檚 more. oh, okay, ik, so like. even tho it鈥檚 dark crack, i鈥檓 still tryna balance errything so it鈥檚 not like, yk, so bonkers u feel like ur tripping on acid in some rented bouncy castle. revisited my research paper on women who kill their abusers for reference when writing out susan鈥檚 actions/reactions, plus some of the literature cited for said paper. spent a loooot of time on studying various axes, their styles and their designs. i am now in awe at the sheer variety of axes. rly tried to get across how weird grief is. esp for billy losing an abusive parent under abrupt, unorthodox circumstances, and then getting lied to abt it.
considered writing an outsider pov piece detailing billy鈥檚 blackout adventure. was leaning toward nancy pov, tho it鈥檇 have featured both her and steve. also considered steve鈥檚 pov. but. either way, that would鈥檝e meant reading their long ass wiki pgs. my limited attention span was not up to the task. also i thought it鈥檇 be, maybe too, idk? like it wouldn鈥檛 fit??
on that note, susan almost had a blackout adventure of her own. specifically a visit from the ambien walrus. this one had a more clear mental outline. reading this collection of wild ambien stories, number 38 gave me inspo for what would鈥檝e been. this idea featured a lot of freaked out max and billy (willingly) going with the fuzz to protect ambien zombie stepmom. buuuut scrapped that bc it prolly would鈥檝e veered too far into that bonkers-tripping-in-bouncy-castle crack territory and also, ambien wasn鈥檛 even a thing in the 80s.聽
in retrospect, i regret not using the version of the flushing of neil鈥檚 ashes that was in my first draft. that version was heavier on the morbid humor. and in a weird way, it constituted a gathering of the whole family in one bathroom. so. hmm...rly not sure why i changed it. might鈥檝e been worried abt overdoing the morbid humor, tbh. tryna juggle that with the crack elements, grief elements, and different traumas is?? well, just that, ig. juggling!聽
what else..oh, gosh. i cannot reiterate enough that i don鈥檛 believe in reliable narrators. i hope that comes through with this series. i hope the recycling of scenes isn鈥檛 boring and that the different pov is enough to prevent that. although i haven鈥檛 fully mapped out the inevitable axe throwing yet, i know it鈥檚 max鈥檚 idea and the final fic will be her pov.聽
whew! tysm for the ask! hope that answer sufficed and wasn鈥檛 too much rambling. 馃槄
3 notesView notes