#or write a retrospective idk

[rustchild]

controversial opinion about incredibly niche subjects, but i actually like the use of the universal ‘he’ in the narration of Left Hand of Darkness. I like it for the same reason that everyone hates it, and Ursula Le Guin herself regretted it: because it doesn’t fit.

The book is ostensibly written and translated by Genly, or by the observers that came to Gethen before him, and the central struggle of Genly’s story is his inability to give up the gendered frameworks he’s used to in the face of a situation where they don’t apply at all. Having that baked into the language indicates just how deep that struggle runs. In order for him to understand Gethen, to connect to Estraven--hell, to understand himself--he needs to give up on this idea of gender that is so fundamental to his cultural background that it’s baked into his language, and that’s just as much of a barrier to true connection as Estraven’s memories of Arek are to their use of mindspeech. Having that reflected in the text itself, and showing Genly struggle with it as he writes, is actually a super effective way to not only show this tension, but also draw further attention to the limits of Le Guin’s English-speaking audience.

#lhod #the left hand of darkness #genly ai #i just think it's more effective for building tension and character voice #than it would have been if genly was using a third-gender pronoun the whole time #singular they... maybe #but a genly who is able to adapt a new pronoun from the get go is a different genly than the one we see in the text #the only counter argument i would buy is that genly's writing in retrospective #and by the end of the book has finally (too late) come to understand the limitations of gender #but idk #i like genly because he's a guy who creates problems #not on his own but as a reflection of the culture he comes from #and i think that the fact that there's an inherent contradiction to how the text is presented to us #is a good problem actually #mine #for the three people out there who will care about this

[nesonkin]

I think Modern Amy should be allowed to be open about her love for Sonic. I don't know why some people think that toning her down to the point where she's suppressing her feelings is a sign of maturity.

#sth #amy rose #probably a hot take idk #watching sonic prime it hit me like a truck when i realized that prime!Amy doesn't appear to show any kind of romantic feelings for Sonic #whatsoever #in fact you probably wouldn't know she had those feelings if sonic prime was your first exposure to sonic #you'd think sonic is crushing on amy and not the other way around #it's strange to think about in retrospect #anyway i just believe there is a way to write amy 'hopeless romantic' rose as her open and passionate self without making her obnoxious #adventure games did it #this post was prompted by one of the takeover answers when she had to correct herself saying “like” instead of “love” #this bit was weird to me idk

[perexcri]

happy one year to her and one of my better opening lines for a fic <3

now, because i'm curious:

#to hell and back again #i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :') #anyway umm gonna leave some retrospective thoughts in the tags: #1. i hold this fic near to my heart but also have a very complicated relationship with it now- #mostly bc i feel like my writing has improved so much and it's hard for me to reread parts of this lol #2. i honestly feel like it's a product of its time? like i think if i was publishing it now people wouldn't like it nearly as much #(especially with the opening line wHICH HAS A POINT AND COMES FULL CIRCLE AT THE END OK JUST TRUST ME) #3. on a sadder note this also means it's been a year since we had to put my family's eldest dog down #i remember i was gonna post this first chapter later when i had finished another fic up #but then our dog just like. straight up started dying on my mom's bedroom floor #and my mom was too distressed/upset to take her to the vet so i had to put her in my car and take her on my own #and then had to go to work right after that #so yeah i was upset and was like 'well dammit im gonna post this then bc it's silly and makes me laugh and i am sad' #so yeah!! some thoughts and behind the scenes info for anyone who's bothered to read this many tags #idk these things just feel like Tags thoughts not Post thoughts #anyway thanks for all the love this one has gotten!! i'm glad people are still enjoying it though *will voice* it's been a year mike #byler

[mane--attraction]

Murderplier/Murdoch spicy headcanons - MINORS DNI

A/N I’ve been holding onto these since... May 5th? Damn lol forgot about them until literally today when I’m making this post. >:P Under read more just in case. 

CW: knifes, murder mention, blood mention, gender neutral but there is a period mention (if I need more warnings, let me know)

Additional cw: bondage mention, leaning towards cnc with a later bullet point

Murder makes him horny

Precise killer or gruesome scene, meticulous fuck or just chasing a high

Will 100% fuck you as soon as he's done killing, he needs it

Leaves you looking like you've been mauled—clear teeth indents and deep purple hickies, finger-shaped bruises from being held too tightly

Anything that adds to that animalistic nature of his, he's game for if you are: i.e. bondage, e.g. a table with straps to hold you down, like you're his little experiment

He wants to know what makes you tick. He'll try methodically, the same way he'll sometimes methodically end his victims

If you have a fucked up kink that vibes with his MO guess what

Anyway

Will use the most saccharine nicknames—sweetheart, sweetie, darling, etc

Lays it on thick to disarm and distract

Knife play. He will ruin all your clothes.

If you let him he will nick you and lick the cut

The leather gloves stay on only until it's absolutely necessary to take them off

Might not have much in the way of nails but he will drag them down your back

Oh yeah any chance you get to mark him up back, especially scratches, you better take it bc it will drive him wild

Sadist (to a degree) and masochist

Bc he tends to fuck so soon after a kill, he has no time for pesky undressing, at least not for round one

Yeah this man FUCKS

You will usually be a boneless mess and he will keep going until he is thoroughly satisfied which may be a while

Oh wait lol u got a period? Guess who isn't afraid of some blood

This mans scary but in the kind of way that you know there's danger lurking under the surface, but he appears so calm and collected that you barely notice the ripples until it's too late and you're pulled under.

#:) #lemon #murdoch #murderplier #minors dni #i'm a bit afraid to put it in the main in space tag so i won't #murdoch x reader #murderplier x reader #to the anon in my inbox: dw i haven't forgotten about you #this was a weird thing for me to write lol #esp since i was so quick to get it down #por que @ me lmao #a fucked up lil man #to the washing machine with him #in retrospect i could have added a bit more cnc but this was meant to just be a general outline #...this might show up in the gorillaz tag whoops lol idk how the guy spells his name

[jennablackmorebooks]

I love endings where one is allowed to see a new set of circumstances a character is entering, or where we are offered an ambiguous but meaningful resolution, but I really do not often like the sequel speculation they invite when it's from a standalone story. It doesn't need one!

#often there is just Not Enough New Story or character arcs without weakening the original in retrospect #this is very different from a series originally intended to be one bc those are structured around continuing and rationing out their plot #books #movies #push it back in #sequel #standalone #writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #i LOVE speculation and i love characters compelling enough to want to speculate about #but i just don't think we always have to be told #i was thinking about Barbie this afternoon and i think it's a great example of this: we don't need a sequel #we don't need to see Barbara's new life as much as we might love to because showing any more of it would weaken the impact of it #idk i miss when sequels and spinoffs were a possibility but not an Expectation #i love series too but i think they work best when they're planned to be series in advance

[paintingformike]

sorry if this is overly mean but its getting tiring to watch...its ok to get byler doubt im not crucifying people for feelings they cant control but i wish half of the shit you guys get “doubt” from arent over things barely worth agonizing over

#like im usually able to understand byler doubt when its people questioning the narrative/how they’d write it in s5 etc etc #but everytime theres bouts of confidence losses over certain things i get shocked over how tiny they actually are in retrospect #like. a reply from a social media account not even managed by the writers shouldnt be what has you in shambles 😭 #also if you’re constantly getting doubt over the smallest things and the slightest turn of events #i feel like maybe that isnt good for your mental heath. like take a break breathe some fresh air idk

[melancholiepeufiable]

renaissance

A slight teaser on the fic I'm currently editing. This is a very early draft with little editing, from chapter 1. Initially, I wanted to share a bit of the upcoming fic that will be released on 16/5, but since it’s dd:dne, it might not have been the best idea.

General premise of scene:

Charles has entered a petrol station for coffee during a shoot for Ferrari. Kimi is his teammate and he is about to meet Sebastian for the first time.

Tags: sebchal; early draft; alternate universe (seb is not a driver), angst, meet-cute (or else just their first meeting); ~550 words.

snippet below the cut :)

///

“That machine’s broken.”

Charles started, surprised by the sudden intrusion. He didn’t realise he was standing in front of the counter, staring blankly at the ‘out of order’ sign. 

“Let me help you.”

He faced the amused voice, greeted by a smiling blond. “I don’t need help. Thank you.” 

“It’d be my pleasure.” His eyes, deep and blue, studied him. Like a predator would a prey, knowing they held the upper-hand. 

Charles let him take his fill. He knew he made a pretty boy that enticed the men and attracted the women, he just didn’t care about it very much. Besides, it let him scrutinise the blond. 

His hair was curly, albeit unruly in a way that was almost unbearable. He wore a work shirt, the name of some company written in German, partially hidden behind his unzipped jacket. A short stubble, slightly darker than his hair, adorned his face. He was a handsome man with a mischievous smile that never left his lips, all of which enamoured Charles. Alas, Charles’ heart had been far too detached and bruised to care. 

“Okay.” Charles agreed. 

The man, only a bit shorter than himself, stood with renewed energy. He grabbed two medium cups and raised a brow, expectantly. 

Charles swallowed his pride. “I’d like a cappuccino, please.”

“You’ve got taste. I’ve been told black with two sugar is as boring as watching a pot boil. What do you think?”

“I need a decaf for Kimi, too. Please.” 

“Decaf for Kimi? Pfft.” He pressed a few buttons. “Absolutely not. An espresso it is.”

“Do you– how do you know Kimi?” A bold question, one he had no right to ask, yet he gave in to his curiosity anyway. 

Just this once. 

“We’re friends. Or at least, he’s my friend.” He grinned cheekily. 

“Did he invite you to our shoot?”

“Nope.” He swapped out one cup for the next, slipping on a sleeve. “They asked for some volunteers at my company. Who’s going to miss an opportunity to work with Ferrari?”

“You work for Ferrari?”

“No, a company. I just said.” He glanced at him, crossing his arms. “I’m an engineer.” 

Charles expected it to happen then. The questions about the car, his own job, his wealth. If he was free tonight or any day this week. Maybe he’d accept, maybe he wouldn’t – this man didn’t seem too pushy and Charles had been alone for so long. Besides, it was a good way to fill the time.

Instead, the man presented an easy smile and handed Charles a cup. The sweet smell of french vanilla wafted, settling cosily around them. Charles accepted, careful to avoid touching his fingers. 

“I like your hat.”

A red Ferrari beanie warmed his head, brown strands peeking out where he refused to tuck them under. “Thank you.” 

“Let me bring Kimi’s.”

He’ll ask. They always do.

“Okay.” He led them out, careful not to spill his drink, maintaining a good distance from the stranger. The man’s presence remained like a shadow, his boots stepping heavier, louder on the snowy asphalt than his own light footfall. By the time they reached their destination, Kimi hadn’t moved one inch.

#sebchal #f1 rpf #f1 fanfic #actually really cathartic to write and read this fic imho #quite heavy angst later on #editing this is going to be a pain in the ass #i can’t wait #maybe i’ll tease more as i go idk yet #/fic crumbs #/my writing = mine #releasing this before the miami gp bc i am not enjoying this weekend #I need to stop editing in retrospect #seb is a sweetheart

[liquidstar]

Anyone else who went to highschool in the mid-late 2010s have to learn about a real life murder trial via a true crime podcast as an english assignment or was that just our school

#i can for sure see the benefits of using content like that to promote critical thought but it was also kind of weird in retrospect #we were like 16 LOL what the hell did we know trying to play detective #especially because one of the things we covered was how the family was against the podcast making the murder into a spectacle #like one of our assignments was to write a hypothetical reply to a real life reddit post that the brother made asking people to stop #like i totally get how it was helping our brains expand. i GET that. but it's weird that it was Real. i see the benefit of that too #but still weird #and honestly it didn't really ask us to engage with the idea of the ethics of it. at all. #we were pretty much just told to write a reply explaining to the brother why we shouldn't stop and why is not exploitative #(again these would never actually be sent anywhere they were just for our teacher) #so like. idk how critically we were really being taught to think ig #but I know that if it was a college level course we would have been expected to sort of debate it a bit more #to at least question if the brother had a point rather than just like. write what we were told. #at least I can be more critical about it in retrospect ig. at the time i was just trying to do the assignment bc i was 16

[scary-senpai]

Idk. Felt cute, might delete later:

—Oi, wolfboy. Sit.

Suiryu watches him with the patience of a river carving itself into rock. The effect on Garou is the same; wearing him down as he wears away.

Garou narrows his eyes. —Why?

Suiryu sighs, shaking his head. —Why, why…You love that word, don’t you?

But Suiryu is already shifting his body, making more space, trusting that Garou will follow as surely as smoke follows beauty, or night follows day.

Above them, the sky flares with the first flames of a firebird sunset. Lurid hues of orange, and red consuming pallid shades of yellow and blue.

Garou is shivering. From the cold, from the scene, and from something else. He digs his fingernails into the bare flesh of his crossed arms. He shouldn’t feel like this.

—Sit with me, Suiryu says. Please.

But Garou’s body is already moving for him, toward him, moving on its own. There’s no question of heart; it doesn’t occur to him. But the answer comes easily enough.

Suiryu watches with a sly smile and eyes you could drown in—how chilling, how dark, how deep.

Garou stares back with eyes like flame; with a gaze as readily kindled as extinguished.

#one punch man #opm #opm fanfic #garou #garou x suiryu #idk probably won’t delete? Unless I come up with a wildly better draft and even then #my drafts are like my children I love all of them equally #it’s just that some of us are no longer on speaking terms #if you couldn’t tell it isn’t going to end well #I think I am getting tripped up writing this bc at that age / in this scenario I am definitely Suiryu #as in ‘indulging people’s desires without understanding that they have different feelings about sex than I do”’ #‘so uh we did some stuff last night… technically what does that make us?🥹’ ’idk dude very close friends?’ #I bring a ‘consenting adults are free to explore whatever mutually beneficial arrangements best suit them’ to the conversation #that many heterosexual men do not like to hear from a 21 y/old girl #(and still don’t really like to hear from a 30-something woman tbh) #anyway sir please kindly get dressed and leave my dorm room I would like to go back to drinking $5 Trader Joe’s wine & reading atlas shrug #*shrugged #plot twist ! the entire time I was asexual which in retrospect explains a lot

[cakesdown]

I'm actually so close to making a yt video about my experience in the creepypasta fandom

#only thinf holdin me back is people from back then coming afterme but also like. what are they gonna do. write deviantart journals about me #its an interesting topic i think! you see retrospectives gor the stories themselves but not the fandom experience #despite it genuinely being the most damaging one ive persobally been in #it qas before fandom callout posts were rly a thing but?? idk. its interesting to Me.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Tuvok cuts Seven’s hair

#Seven would also trust Janeway to cut her hair but she thinks it'd be inappropriate to ask her #She'd also trust EMH to be around her with scissors but NOT to cut her hair well #B'Elanna....in my mind this is before she and B'Elanna are together (in my mind they DO get together) and she doesn't want #B'Elanna to see her 'like this' even though she doesn't fully know what 'like this' is #'like this' is scared v_v after Kovin's attack she becomes more afraid of people trying to hurt her #Tuvok has experience doing hair - would not hurt her - and also has experienced something similar with Teero #idc about the canon timeline I arrange events with whatever vibes best with how I feel in the moment - time is what I make it #Seven of nine #Seven of Nine art #star trek voyager #st voyager art #st voyager #You can rip trauma survivor Seven of Nine from whoever wrote Retrospect's cold dead hands #bc I killed them for writing that awful shitty terrible episode - enough hating episodes that are fun romps and more hating epiosdes that #are actually awful in their message v_v all my homies hate Retrospect #and all my homies rewrite Retrospect in their heads #Idk where the headcanon that Tuvok helps Janeway with her hair came from but I also roped Seven into it

[caffeinatedopossum]

Tw suicide/m*rder (in the post and the tags)

So I don't know if I've talked about this before but I attempted suicide 3 times before, all when I was 13, but the first time, I specifically remember something my mom said to me. My dad had just passed away and my mom was very depressed about it as she grieved, while I was going through a lot of isolation just due to being treated differently by everyone and having people constantly expect me to be grieving when I was actually relieved about his passing.

But what she said was one day, on our way home from one of our church's afternoon services, I don't remember what exactly I said but I complained about being in pain. I asked if I could take some Tylenol. My mom solemnly said "if you take enough of them, you'll never be in pain again". I asked "really?" because I thought she meant literally you would feel less pain but she said "yes, because you would die". A few weeks later I OD'd on Tylenol.

Idk how to take that statement. Was she simply voicing her own depressed thoughts... or was she... suggesting I kill myself? This wasn't the last time either- a few years later she gave me 8 ibuprofen for a toothache, which she assured me was safe to take in that amount, and while not deadly, they definitely are not. I had an awful stomach ache and developed gastritis, Gerd, and a stomach ulcer though idk if this was the sole reason

#idk in retrospect knowing what i know now i always wonder what my mom really meant when she talked about 'getting rid of' me #i wonder if she actually would have done it. i wonder if its reasonable to think she would #she was responsible for my dad dying but me and my dad were very different. idk man maybe a murderer is a murderer #fucked up how she grieved like that over the man she offed herself though #i really should've put a trigger warning in these tags too 🤦‍♂️ my bad ill try and write something at the top too #hopefully thats good enough

[litany-writes]

#litany-writes-poetry #poetry #this is actually one my favorite things i've ever written #it really characterizes like. just being a teenager idk #if you've been lucky enough to have lived a relatively normal life before hitting your teens then the bad things that happen to you #while in retrospect were not so terrible #are at the moment some of the worst things you've ever experienced #and being a teenager is just like. that. over and over again until you get used to it and then you're an Adult #and you have Perspective and Experience #ppl are all like “ohhhh teenagers are so moody and depressed and whiny” and like yes that's true but consider: #the only reason you're any better is bc you've been there! #your first breakup the first death in your family the first fight you have with your best friend whatever it is! #that's the worst thing that's ever happened to you. and you don't know what youre supposed to do #but you have school tomorrow. so you find ways to cope and then next time it's not as much end of the world as it is just normal bad #and so on etc #didn't mean to ramble that much but i suppose i had things to say

[born-to-lose]

Found an actual diary to write in earlier and I already filled 18 pages but I'm still not feeling better :/

#if the hyper specific questions i'm scribbling down in there had answers on google i'd go rabid and do backflips #idk if writing retrospectively for the past month is helping or making it much worse actually. probably the latter #i'm so fucking confused and anxious and angry at myself and feeling guilty and scared and suicidal and numb and depressed. i want to die #and we're only getting to the worst parts! i'm still at what happened two weeks ago when things were relatively okay and i had hope 😃 #mel talks #depressed bitch posting

[opheliaweeps]

the hype around shadow & bone season 2 (which I have been fully swept away, fear not. I clench a fist in rage at the god who decided I won’t have any time to properly watch the show until at least next week) has me remembering the intense shipping wars that used to go on.

the wars over who alina should end up with - mal, the darkling, nikolai, zoya, genya, or a secret third character (I think these were the self-inserts). and I’d largely stay out of the discourse because a) I didn’t have strong opinions about it (like, I was fine with how the books ended), and b) ain’t no time for online drama until it’s actually interesting.

but whenever I’d come across the discourse I’d take a moment to really think about my opinion - like, who would I actually want alina to be with. and I’d always come to the conclusion that there’s no one. I just thought it’d be neat for all-powerful sankta alina to be living by herself in a cottage raising a bunch of orphans on her own. sure she had her friends and they’d visit and help her out, but she didn’t need any romantic partner.

looking back on that, I probably should’ve realized some stuff about myself much, much sooner.

#shadow and bone #jyot writes #my writing #my stuff #my thoughts #aromantic #asexual #aroace #in retrospect I probably should’ve realized I was queer sooner #lgbtqia #lgbtqiaa+ #alina starkov #spoilers #technically? #book spoilers #plot spoilers #idk man just spoilers if you watch the show but haven’t read the books #grishaverse

[neometalmadness]

[[ Some ramblings about Neo under the readmore; i typed all this out before I wen’t to sleep so some of this might not make any sense lol BUT HOPEFULLY IT DOES

Been thinking about what I kinda wanna do with Neo recently after a bit of chatter about my characterisation of him.

So most of y'all probably know of Gamma's story in SA1. I basically am thinking of an approach similar to that, with Gamma's self reflection into himself & what he was made to be, & changing it and thusly sacrificing himself (perhaps without the sacrificing himself for Neo in the literal sense But Hey I’m Not Saying No He Sure Can Die!)

To preface this with some context. Neo isn't programmed to follow Eggman's orders at all, being entirely sentient, & all choices he makes are purely his own.

Although some of his anger seems to be directed at his creator, most of it is very much internalised & towards himself. Because whilst he almost succeeded, he still failed. He really does hold onto that feeling of failure, hence all his aggression & general disdain for other people (which certainly existed before, but before, he simply wouldn't have given such things the time of day).

During his peak, he definitely thought he would finally begin to make progress in any of Eggman's plans. And whilst Eggman definitely has the willpower to keep trying, when he was just a Metal Sonic, he was there to just take orders & to not question, even with the limited thought for himself.

This is the first time he'd experienced such failure by his own hands, when he truly believed success was not far away. I mean he even says it a few times during the final battle & the ending of Sonic Heroes;

"Sonic, I was created for the sole purpose of destroying you, but I can never seem to defeat you! That is why I transformed my own body with my own hands.”

“But that was the past. Now you're nothing but a speck of dust to me.”

“See me as I am, no longer afraid of anything.”

“Gyaaaaaaah! WHY?! I HAD IT ALL!! I am the ultimate overlord, Metal Sonic! I AM THE REAL SONIC!“

And then this is what he says riiiight at the end of the game;

“It's no use. But why can't I defeat you?“

So. yeah?

I think I also kinda wanna explore the idea of like... I do want Neo to make friends (I've already said before but Neo will very affectionately refer to his friends as "connections" or "allies", lol), but like... Many of his friends will not be machines like he is. If the chance to rise up and become all powerful again, to overrule an army & potentially a world full of robots, would he take his friends feelings into accounts? Would he spare them at all?

I guess the point I'm making now that Neo has chosen to become independent & his connection to Eggman is extremely loose, a lot of his moralities have come into question... And, if & when these are resolved, would he still choose to work alongside his creator, over his own connections he has made? Or even go ahead with any of his own plans? The grief of failure still weighs him down, but the grief of losing someone that has gone out of their way to be alongside him is something else.

It's just some shit I'd like to explore. Idk just rambling. I do kinda want Neo to become a sort of Chaotic Neutral type in some verses with peeps. But also like... I do kinda wanna explore The Other Side and make him Worse but GAJSHAJSB that's not the topic of discussion here rn

But anyway yeah to conclude I love Neo Metal Sonic that’s all i gotta say. if you read all this thank you soldier here’s this funny picture

#[ ooc. ] #[[ THIS IS PROBABLY COMPLETE WORDVOMIT in retrospect. #[[ i wrote this on discord when i was absolutely HANGIN i was so tired but i needed to get it outta my brain #[[ the tldr is. neo's not obligated to work with his creator anymore but he also fucked up real bad #so What now. basically. HDFJKSD]] #[[ but i do also want to write him working witheggman again sometime that would be epic.... #[[ that might solve like half of his problems... idk. HAHHAAH