#or whatever the fuck it is i cant describe it

[mipexch]

I WAS MADE FOR YOU // YOU WERE MADE FOR ME

#ultrakill #earthmover #1000-THR #v1 #violence layer #god. they mean so much to me #what the FUCK is up with the violence layer #theres so much shit. its so good. ohhhmyyy gggggg #their dynamic is insane to me. i cant just make one piece #gen art #object loving object... #weapon4weapon......... #take this comic as you will though #it is meant to be taken both seriously and thematically while also having that. little sprinkle of oh. doomed yaoi/yuri. you get it #by 'i have never wanted anything more' it was mainly to describe v1s instict to take the earthmover down and kill it- #but it can mean whatever you want it to mean

[lemon-wedges]

Its been a while since I updated this little project but heres the dealio. I got "mysteriously" sick for the last 2 months and it kinda halted my work on getting this thing physically printed. BUT IM BACK and ready to start this up again. I'm really hoping i get everything done by Jan. or very latest feb (mostly anticipating for holiday slow down)

In the meantime i got a few questions on my interest check asking if i would offer a digital version of the zine. and the answer 2 months late is YES I WILL YOU CAN GET IT NOW ACTUALLY ON MY GUMROAD OR KO-FI HURRRAYYYYYY!!!! 🥳🥳 GO CHECK IT OUT ITS $3

GUMROAD | KO-FI

#the art of a lemon wedge #homumiko #baroryuu #otasune #feel like a fucking #victorian woman in a novel the way i got sick for no reason those months #vertigo. brain fog. parts of my body would go tingley. and for 2-3 hours at a random time of the day my entire body would just feel BAD #idk else how to describe it cause it was not pain #i could not predict what would trigger those 2-3 hours of BAD and it seemed to change every day #and then some days i wouldnt get them but i would still get vertigo and brain fog whenever i would go to bed #anyways #IT WAS THE WATER #STUPID LA WATER BLEH BLEH #I WENT TO TEXAS TO VISIT FAM FOR A WEEK AND ALL MY SYMPTOMS WENT AWAY #-_- #and now im on a strict distilled/purified bottle water diet #i cant even eat food thats been boiled in whatever the hell gets put into the gallons at the store.....sigh #BUT IM BETTER #and ready to get back into it #:D

[frecklystars]

THE LOVES OF MY LIFE OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it's been so long since I've rly felt love bursting in my chest for any F/Os and I am feeling so so so so much for my girlboss girlfriend and my horsegirl boyfriend 😭😭😭💖💞💓💓💗💖💕💕💕💟💝

Her smile!!! god!!!! HIS smile!!!! god!!! these two are fucking saving my life I can't believe how much these characters are helping me get through the worst time of my life. THESE TWO are helping me get back into self shipping and helping me feel safe again when I really thought I'd never ever recover. I'm collecting screenshots of these characters and sighing with hearts in my eyes every time... I haven't done that in over a year... I'm making gifsets and writing fics and doodling again... it's all because of them and I'm such a weepy mess over it

#love notes #💕♫♪ ♡ You're the pink in my cheeks 🎀🌸✨♡ #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́- #every time i make a love notes post with them i get teary eyed and um this isnt an exception 😭😭 #theyre making me so happy and i havent felt this way in so long #im fucking happy you guys... god i havent felt. joy. with any F/Os in so so so so long!!!!! #self shipping is like. the core part of me. its all i've got and i went so long without it. that piece of me I NEED #fuck i finally found two F/Os who i know love me no matter what #and they're holding my hands telling me they'll never ever hurt me. wouldnt dream it. couldnt even fathom it #and slowly but surely i HOPE i will get back into self shipping just in general especially for transformers #but god. god!!!! god!!! i owe them my life!!!! #i couldnt fucking take it anymore i was falling so far and they!!!! are here!!!! in my heart!!!! #i was doing so fucking badly i was about to give up and they just. this movie comes out and im suddenly hopeful?? #pinkest movie of all time barbie rly said keri fuck your ptsd fuck your abuser youre getting better #and youll love pink again and youre gonna be okay and im like yes maam whatever u say maam #god 😭😭 sorry i know i talk abt them a lot but its been so long #and i know i keep repeating! that its been so long! i know i dont shut up about how im hurting! but! #i cant! describe how overwhelmed i feel! its like a part of me that was dead for a year is slowly coming back to life #and the fucking relief... i am just awash with tears

[eliias-bouchard]

is it possible to be like. queerplatonic-repulsed the way people can be romance repulsed

#someone viewing our relationship as romantic (with my consent): sure whatever you can do that #someone viewing our relationship as platonic/friendship w/ my consent: sure thats chill and good #concept of being in a qpr or someone feeling queerplatonic attraction towards me: ehhhhhhhh #i dont even know how to describe this feeling? #maybe its just because its the only sort of attraction i dont have trauma around. #my brain just shuts down when i try and picture being in a traditional romantic relationship #i cant feel anything. when i think about its . im not really. there #and thats making me upset. dang okay #and like with friendships... ugh #its not quite the same but i just. feels badweird. #enforced alloromanticism i suppose. #still trying to figure out what the fuck my feelings are about platonic / friendship type relationships #but the thought of someone having queerplatonic attraction towards me makes me want to raise my hackles or bare my teeth #and the thought of getting into a queerplatonic relationship makes me want to run from it #although i dont know if i can separate that from my issues surrounding being. pressured? can i describe it as being pressured? #into a romantic relationship

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Person who has not watched naruto: So why is naruto the main character? He seems lame compared to other characters

Me: sir. SIR. That is my beautiful sunshine child, who I adore. HOW DARE U??? Naruto will heal the ninja world thru love and empathy and he will not stop no matter what 😭

#he called me a naruto stan. im not a stan. that implies i dont hate everything abt naruto which i do but i also love it #whatever. hes also called me a jerma stan before and that did fucking fatal damage to my psyche #naruto is the best naruto character. u cant change my mind. iruka is also the best naruto character #naruto is just a baby to me. i love him so #fucking. my lab mate was indulging me with asking naruto questions today. stuff sounds so unhinged when u just describe it #like theres so much weird eyeball and alien stuff #naruto ramblings #unrelated #ugh i kinda hate when ppl irl ask me to talk abt things im unhinged abt. its embarrassing bc i kno im over enthusiastic and fixate too much #and they dont care as much as i do

[swiftfootedachilles]

Mickey is 100% autistic and I'm glad there are people who are willing to talking about it and share headcannons about it in a positive way because Mickey absolutely deserves that

I believe he isn't diagnosed and doesn't want to be but Ian helps him figure it out and helps him express himself and slowly unmask especially when he's just at home with Ian

Ian encourages the stims that Mickey is embarrassed about by doing them himself and encouraging Mickey to join in, like dancing with lots of spins and fast movements or slow dancing that's more about rocking and swaying then dancing

Now that he feels allowed to be picky about food he absolutely is picky at home, if the texture, smell or taste isn't good or what it's supposed to be he won't eat it

HIIIIIIII ANON 🫶🫶🫶🫶 THIS BLOG IS A SAFE SPACE FOR EVERYONES SHAMELESS HEADCANONS. MICKEY DESERVES THAT!!!!!

i agree that he isnt professionally diagnosed. he or isn may have said things to a therapist that made them go "🤨 have you or your husband heard of autism spectrum disorder 🧐" but even then they treat it less as a diagnosis and more of a roadmap to help better understand and predict his behavior. mickey is very much a "do" rather than "am" person

he trusts ian SOOO MUCH and there are things he will only do in his presence, and vice versa for ian!

IAN MAKING MICKEY FEEL COMFORTABLE STIMMING BY JOINING HIM OOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH

MICKEY FINALLY HAS THE FINANCIAL AND EMOTIONAL STABILITY TO EAT FOOD HE ACTUALLY LIKES INSTEAD OF EATING TO SURVIVE

#reference to some psychology bullshit 'some people see labels as something they are and others see labels as something they do' #ie mickey and ian are both gay but ian has an attachment to the label and community #whereas being gay is just the word that describes what mickey does #mickey wahhh wahhh i dont like labels milkovich 🙄 #asks #anon #anonymous #shameless #AUTISTIC MICKEY FAN CLUB STRIKES AGAIN!!!!!!!!! #sorry i genuinely cannot remember what this one guy said abt identity and i cant find his article or whatever he wrote about it fuck #autistic!mickey #autistic headcanons

[ghoulodont]

rain ghoul explaining world of warcraft raid boss mechanics to dew

#i was going to describe what it would sound like but i havent raided in many many years i cant think of any #first thing that came to my head was hellfire citadel iskar when you had to throw that stupid football or whatever the fuck

[toytulini]

does anyone else have like popular users, or users with popular posts, where like, you like and generally agree w a lot of the posts of theirs that end up on ur dash. but when you look at their blog for more than like 2 minutes you immediately know that if you tried to follow them youd end up hating and blocking them lmao? i am obviously Not going to give examples

#toy txt post #there are certain bloggers on here.....they have Some good posts. but my god. if i tried to follow them id be blocking them so fast #i dont even know what it is some ppl just be Grating u kno? #if we're mutuals or ur a follower this is almost certainly not about you. quite frankly if any of these ppl had that level of interaction #w me. i wouldve already blocked them. so if youre reading this youre probably fine. if this post breaks containment tho that will become #a toss up lol #anyway. i really think ppl on here and online in general should block ppl more. sometimes it doesnt have to be a callout post guys #native blacklist function on the app my beloved. if a user annoys u and you cant keep them off your fucking dash. blacklist their url #i dont think i have enough followers or popular posts to be this person for anyone but it sure would be very funny 💙 #i Know for certain of like one person who has me blocked on here and i do not know why and honestly. whatever #anyway. for users that i feel this way i described in the post about. i compromise by not blocking them but not following them either

[publicuniversalenemy]

woah comrades. i think i just unlocked a new emotion.

#no idea what to call it or how to describe it cuz yk #i only started feeling it a few mins ago #and its not far off from other things ive felt before #but this is new. this is silkysmooth and pinkish atmospheres #the other one is more like an ache and ocean trenches #but this one. shit man. i feel ready for something i cant describe #it feels like acceptance? ig? kinda transcendental and tastes like floral water like neroli #i make no sense this i know <3 bear with me <3 #whatever the fuck

[dyketubbo]

me when i feel the intense need to be petty about things that have long past

#emduo fans that harassed me and called me arophobic and told me i didnt have any friends bc i told them #not to call qprs headcanons and to acknowledge them as shipping as many people in qprs want them to be acknowledged #as serious and intimate relationships #- shaking in their fucking boots seeing me talk about being loveless and aplspec #and talking about how qp stuff can still hit on feelings of aversion and repulsion because guess what #its a whole type of relationship that people have complex feelings about and is often described as being intimate for those involved #like whatever. its done with #but also it still stings to reflect on and those people have had lasting effects on me #i hate that me expressing my feelings as an aro purrson was turned into a community wide discussion #where people mocked me and twisted my words so they could patronize me all because they didnt want to actually listen to me #and now that i know im even more of an outcast even in the aromantic community it just stings so much fucking more #to know so many people have this impression of me. that im arophobic because i wanted qprs to be taken seriously #i wish i could go back and tell them to shut their fucking mouths because im more aro than they could even comprehend #i cant. but imagining it helps me feel a little better #mask mews #negative

[mothheart]

Seeing people you'd come to believe are chill about gender and sexuality reblog the most basic ass stupid gender / sexuality discourse is crazy

#'[x] cant like [x] its [x]phobic youre a horrible person!😡' what if i told you people can identify as whatever they feel describes them #best #as long as it is in good faith #what if i told you youre setting yourself up for failure by being unable to seperate gender and sexuality to the point that youre #like this. lol #being human is crazy theres so many possibilities for the way things can go down and by putting blanket statements like that over everyone #is stupid as fuck #miles rambles

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be #like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now #maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy #im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when #im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck #but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak #thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just #wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive #been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work #my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes #and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over #the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and #talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place. #could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it #so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree #inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im #glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of #couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot #unrelated #its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment #and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i #dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it

[tiddie]

just finished disco elysium

#GODDDDD OH MY GOD EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS GAME WAS JUST. impeccable #i cant even describe it #i got a really good ending the only downside was that kim wasnt with me cuz he was in the hospital like i really wanted to #finish things off with him :( the fucking dice failed when i tried to warn him about the person #who was about to shoot him. but i still like the choices i made and how everything turned out #also the crytoinsect?? or whatever it is lenas gonna be so happy about it 😭😭😭 #so many important and overlooked topics intertwined in one game. loved it so much

[4giorno]

yeah no wtf. valk rlly came to save music AGAIN

#somehow they do it everytime they cant keep getting away with thisssssss #are there tears in my eyes or is it just bc i didnt sleep last night HDJFHDHFJF HELP I LOVE THEM SM #oh my god did you hear some of shus notes there??? #also im so emotional abt how much this mv and costumis is MIKAS STYLE #like the neon colors the shine the plushies the visuals that i cant think how else to describe as except electronic #and ESP THE CLOTHES like the neon colors on true black but still having the formal look #and the ruffle and the gears AND the patterns having both ornate and geometrical styles #like its sounds like a mess but it all looks so good together like i feel like this is their perfect harmony #and i obv cant read the story for another 2 years but just looking at this i feel like. in the story theyre #gonna be in such a good place in their relationship. like just looking at the outfits this is what comes to mind #and if thats so i really love that its been getting so slowly but steadily better it feels so natural and right #like.... 2 years!!!! seems so long but it feels so strong because of that #omg yeah maybe im completely wrong but this is just what these outfits look like to me #im excited to find out what the story is. aaghhh i cant believe i now need to save dia for 3 full uncap event cards 😭 #oh and also they look so fucking pretty hdjfjdjdjf 💖 also the song is so good but who tf was ever in doubt #okay i love them go stream whatever the song is its in japanese so idk bye <3 #WAIT EDIT i forgot to say another point why i think this is such a big positive leap in their relationship #is bc yknow we always say oh they never hold hands in their mvs or anything similar #and even being separated by glass in acanthe and shu is reaching for mika so emotionally #but now in this mv they reached out their hands to eachother so that there was barely a millimeter of air #maybe their fingertips even touched idk i have to rewatch to see #but i think its SO significant that after all their reaching their hands are now so close to being able to finally touch

[isa-ghost]

me watching all the jse people flood back to my notes/inbox from the depths of lurking and newbies following me bc of shitposts & hype about the probably-distant future, and then looking at how almost 3 years of tryharding to get dsmp mutuals/friends has gotten me like... 2 acquaintances, even during the most active times in the fandom

man, it really is true that most people cant escape whatever their blog “mained” first huh 🤪

#this is a rant/vent kind of i guess #dont reblog is what im saying #but uh #i mean ive always been multifandom i just hyperfixed on the egos #and im not trying to escape the jse community ofc #actually this post is more like. praising the jsec for being so?? involved and friendly? whereas in my exp the dsmp fandom is..... #prob triple the amount of people than the jsec and yet its fuckin crickets. talking to ppl hasnt made any friends #shitposting does nothing predictions abt lore has done nothing memes do nothing. like. ive been so involved in stuff and nah. #its like that meme where the people at the party are staring at you in mild disgust #and a lot of them prob wont even like you bc the fandom is so opinionated abt dif ccs and interpretations of story and whatnot?? #idk how to describe it without sounding like the gross kid bitching that he cant make friends w the ''pretty popular girls'' or smth #but like. the same things i did that got me SO MANY friends in the jsec has done fuckall in the dsmp fandom #like how the fuck do you make friends in there seriously bc nothing has done much even when i keep trying to talk to people #i end up just feeling like im annoying them. basically anyone who likes dsmp whos a friend of mine was/is in the jsec before #shoutout to the jsec for being so welcoming and flooding right back to their fave blogs and stuff when we get crumbs of content abt anything #bc the dsmp fandom has been so distant if not straight up unwelcoming in my exp on literally any platform ive tried making friends on #like shoutout to the 2 or so friends that i Kind Of made in the dsmp fandom without knowing them from the jsec first?? but fuck the dsmpf #tbfh i shouldnt still be salty about not being able to make friends for whatever reason bc most of the fandom seems so toxic anyway but #i cant help but scoff at people who are like Its So Easy To Make Friends In The Dsmp Fandom Just Do Xyz Forehead 🤪🤪 #guess what my fucking guy ive done the entire alphabet and its done nothing for very close to 3 years #idk how YOU did it but it didnt work for me and ive prob done the same shit #luck or whatever i guess #anyway tldr im a little more than miffed that i can BREATHE in the jsec and everyone comes back and new people arrive from little to nothing #but try EVERYTHING for 3 years and meet like. 2 people. in the dsmp fandom. who i dont rlly even talk to much #bc i try to and its a 50/50 if that goes anywhere and i end up feeling like im just bugging them or coming off weird somehow even tho i know #im def not being weird or invasive or uncomf or smth #im very careful abt that #so yeah uh shoutout to jsec i love yall undyingly and fuck the dsmpf bc ive tried it all and even the people i HAVE made contact with i-- #wouldnt call friends rlly. more like acquaintances if anything and i feel awkward as hell