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#or u go more than a week without intentional exercise and freak out
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this is for my fellow ed ppl, hey y'all do any of u like, have urself convinced ur recovered and all better and you're functional like SO much more than u used to be, and then someone suggests eating one of ur fear foods and even fully recovered u still fully panic at the thought of it? or am i not recovered and just minimized the behaviors to where it's acceptable
#shut up hanna#ed cw#ednos cw#like i honestly dont think ill get better than This in this society esp being a performer#and thats fine bc i rlly am fully functional#but sometimes stuff like this is just like Huh. huh#or u go more than a week without intentional exercise and freak out#or only eat like once every 24 hours#but honestly. you try living in this house and NOT having at the very least disordered eating lmao#my mom dgaf abt my safe/fear foods#the fridge is unusable at this point#all this to say. am i actually recovered or just using my toxic environment as an excuse/method to continue my unhealthy habits?#it also is interesting to me that i have been Convinced im gaining weight at an unhealthy and rapid pace#and always ask at the dr to not tell me my weight#but then its on my visit summary in huge font so i always see it anyway lmao#and ive been?? losing???#my dr without even looking at the number (the nurse took it) looked at me and was like 'oh hon youre losing weight again'#i was like ???? no#anyway yeah when does it end?? when am i healthy? when can i relax#when u want to be sick but no u dont it takes over ur life but yes u do it makes u feel so powerful and beautiful#but u don't bc u have no energy and have heart problems and deficiencies and always gain it back anyway#but yes i do bc i simply wont this time#but this is all irrelevant bc im recovered and never had a real ed in the first place#but tiktoks 'what i eat in a day' videos always have 3x what i actually eat and the thought of doing that makes me feel PURE panic#hmm. hmm
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