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#or like ''fuck being kind i wanna be violent'' like on paper its really cool youre feeling strong and brave enough to stand up for you and
elinaline · 3 years
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narrators-journal · 3 years
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Hello, I hope you are well, can I ask Yandere Akutagawa who probably hates you for how you make us feel? I may degrade you but get mad if someone else does
I hope this is good and is what you wanted! I'm a little rusty with Yandere content, so it might be a bit subtle here. I hope you enjoy nonetheless!
As a new low ranking mafia goon you had expected some harsh bullying from your coworkers, but that didn't mean you couldn't despise them for it, or have the occassional breakdown in the headquarters bathroom or something. That was actually how you'd met your first friend-like person in the organization, Higuchi had found you fighting to not cry in the bathroom one day, and instead of belittling you for the moment of weakness, she gave you a paper towel to dab the tears from your (s/c) cheeks and assured you that she understood your predicament.
In all honesty, the harassment wouldn't be that bad if it weren't for one specific man. Akutagawa Ryuunosuke.
Akutagawa was a violent, hostile, rabid dog of a man who took any possible chance to insult you without mercy. It didn't even have to be anything that would get you into trouble or annoy him, he would belittle anything he could about you as a person, not just your work for the mafia. It had quickly lost all of the leeway you had for newbie-hazing. At least now you had a reason to blame for the prickly mafioso hating your guts. Turns out he isn't a fan of his fashion being labelled 'hot topic tween goth.' After that, you just avoided him as best you could, which seemed near impossible with how much he continued to pop up in your life, even after you'd insulted him.
Of course, Mori would pair you with the goth pretty frequently despite your reluctance, Akutagawa had a pretty variable set of jobs he could be assigned to and thus would be a good on-the-job teacher for a newbie such as yourself, but after you'd insulted the goth he didn't leave you alone like you might've thought he would. Instead, he seemed to pop up a lot more frequently, even outside of the jobs you were paired with him on. Of course, you would see the pale vampire at the headquarters when you weren't working with him, but now you had gone from seeing him maybe once a week for a task or to retrieve or deliver ill-gotten cash, to seeing him a distance behind you in the hallway of the headquarters almost every other day, or in one of the spare sitting rooms the goons had overtaken and claimed as a sort of 'break room' on nights when you'd stay super late into the night and should've been alone.
However, you couldn't really accuse the hostile man of stalking you just to glare at you or spit insults. After all, Higuchi had always had a very valid point as to why you were running into him when you brought the occurrences up, and you'd be labelled a loon for thinking he'd been trailing you just because you had spotted him in the grocery store. So, you opted to keep your mouth shut and just ignored him whenever you could get away with it.
Though, every once in a while a snide remark or two slipped out, like one had on the day he limped into the headquarters after another spat with his rival, Atsushi Nakajima.           "You look like a cat's half digested dinner," you snorted, watching the wheezing vampire flop into one of the fancy velvet chairs in the empty break room. He was still glowing a pretty vibrant red, with his coat ribbon lashing like the tail of an angry cat, but he ignored your comment and instead focused on wrapping his slashed up arm and leg in bandages. Then, just as you were beginning to leave the room to find your own place to do some paperwork, you felt fabric slither around your neck to tighten into a razor-wire choke-collar and yank you none-too-gently over to the chair Akutagawa sat in.
You weren't likely to cut an impressive figure with your (e/c) eyes wide with shock at the sudden attack, and fear at the feeling of Rashoumon's sharp edges biting into your (s/c) skin to draw blood under your bully's cold, humiliation-filled glare,          "I think you're beginning to forget your place here, newbie." He spat, his raspy growl dripping with venom, "Not only do I outrank you, but I am much stronger than you. You are nowhere near Jinko's strength, fucking Higuchi is more of a threat to me than you are, so the next time you want to feel more significant than you are and insult me, I suggest you have a fucking grave dug beforehand." He got right in your face as he spoke, barring his teeth at you with sin-worthy wrath in his grey eyes, but, just for a moment before the lethal ribbon threw you away as easily as he would a gum wrapper, he hesitated. It was brief, only a few seconds, but Akutagawa's anger lessened, and instead he leaned forward just a hair. Just as quickly as it appeared though, the moment was gone. His fury returned with a vengeance and the ribbon that held you captive launched you across the room, sending you sliding across the floor and into the wall hard enough to crack it just a bit.
You took the hint and scrambled to your feet as soon as you got some air into your lungs, coughing and wheezing as you fled the room before Rashoumon could be sent through your spine next.
Admittedly, being snippy with the vampire after he'd already been embarrassed like that hadn't been a shining example of your best timing, but you tried to move past it, and that weird moment of hesitation, and label it a learning experience. Your fellow goons however, caught wind of your confrontation and did not give you such kindness. They instead turned it into more ammunition for snide remarks about how intelligent you were.
          "Hey! Look who just walked in!" A goon you had yet to learn the name of almost crowed one day when you were eating lunch in the breakroom, just trying to watch some tv before your next job when Akutagawa had come in. "Hey, (y/n), wanna try and see if he'll knock your braincells back into place?" You just glared at the man while he continued to call you stupid and just try to instigate whatever fight he could it seemed. You didn't fall for his trap though, keeping your mouth firmly shut and not responding to his insults or assumptions of how masochistic you were. No, you instead simply returned your attention to the tv and blocked out Akutagawa's existence until you finished your lunch and left for your job.
Thankfully, it was a solo mission, a new extension of trust from Mori, and a prime chance to not only prove yourself, but to get away from the assholes you worked with. So, by the time you returned to the mafia headquarters, you were feeling pretty good and had almost completely forgotten your earlier run-in with that asshole of a goon around your lunch time.
Of course, the sky was dark by the time you returned from the job, so on top of your improved mood, you were also spared further heckling since everyone else had finished their work and gone home for the night. So, you were gratefully able to fly through the report you had to write about the mission, and cataloging of the goods you'd distributed without issue. It wasn't until you stopped by the bathroom to change out of your clothing and into some more comfortable, not-dirty clothes before your walk home that you smelled the stench of blood.
It hit you like a brick as soon as you had opened the bathroom door. The whole bathroom reeked of the dizzying smell of iron and death so badly that it poured out into the empty hallway. All it took was a few steps inside to investigate for you to spot the source of such a strong stench. A corpse huddled into the far corner across from the stalls.
Through your stinging tears, you could see that it was likely one of the other mafia goons, and judging by the one bloody tuft of hair you could see amongst the chunks of flayed flesh...it was the same goon that was messing with you earlier. Since your only identifier was the shredded and blood soaked suit that the heap of shredded flesh and spilled entrails somewhat wore and a bit of hair, you couldn't say for certain, but something in your gut told you it was the same man.
      "You know, you should really grow a spine." You whirled around to face the doorway as soon as the raspy voice spoke, (e/c) eyes wide and your hand instantly falling to the small pistol you had at your hip. But, instead of some demented intruder out to murder any mafia goons they found, you were instead met with Akutagawa. Your worst bully.
For a moment, all you could do was stare in shock, your brain frantically scrambling to recollect its composure under the pressure of an almost primal terror, just letting you stammer out a shakey,         "What?" before your legs began to turn to jello, the thick blanket of coppery blood in the air making your stomach want to escape out of your mouth. However, you put your hand on the cool glass of the sink and bit back the urge to vomit. The last thing you wanted was to give the sadistic mafioso more ammo against you in his harassment, and if he was the goon-slaughtering-psycho, you didn't want to go out because you were too busy retching to defend yourself. However, he didn't attack you. He just stood in the doorway and glared at the mutilated pile of flesh as if it had insulted his family for a moment before speaking again,         "You're supposed to be a mafia member, (y/n), you can't just let people use you as a doormat, it reflects poorly on the organization." he chided with a derisive sniff, "Grow a damned spine and begin to stand up for yourself. No one's going to 'defend your honor' like this..." He trailed off, fixing you with a cold, irritated look for a long moment before he turned on his heel with a huff, "Clean that bastard up, before he stains the linoleum anymore than he already has."
With that, Akutagawa stomped off back to wherever he'd come from. Leaving you to deal with the bloody carnage you'd discovered, and to ask yourself why he had even been here. It was the middle of the night, most everyone should be home by now, but the goth had appeared only a moment after you'd entered the bathroom, how had he shown up so quickly? He didn't bring Mori or anyone else, so it wasn't like he'd discovered the body first...
You got a sick feeling that he'd been the one to leave such a nightmarish scene. And that he'd been waiting for you to find it or something.
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Two Husbands 1 (One Shot) Negan X OC Marie X Axel
[Hello! My Sexy Readers, I am here once more with My co author and we are doing another walking dead Request off of wattpad by BABIBENJI This one is is of Axel (The white prisoner that was locked in the cafeteria in the prison arc) X Marie OC X Negan
Axel and Marie actually are dating and he lived in this! Anyways please enjoy this chapter here Everyone!]
(No One's POV)
It had been a few weeks since Axel had left the prison, and a good friend of his from Rick's group. She smiled at him. He wasn't the smartest man, but he was well meaning.
However..he also was not exactly the most violent, and put a lot a lot of faith in other people doing the same despite being in prison with violent criminals.
So when Marie saw a group as she was weary. "Axel.. there are people coming.."
"they are probably just scavenging too."
Well now there were held at gun point kneeling on the ground as Marie glared at Axel.
Axel was looking down he knew he messed up again and he knew that he was going pay for this one. Just not in the way he thinks.
"Well, well isin't that one sexy little thing." A man says. "I could have her sit on my face all day!"
"SHUT UP!" Axel says a burst of Jealousy. "That is my girlfriend your talking about..."
(I mean...this is better than dealing with a pissed off marie)
(XD True dat XD)
Marie looked at him, an expression that he knew to tell him to shut the fuck up.
However what was said was said..and the man turned to Axel
Then turned to Marie, then Axel, and Marie and finally Axel. "How did you get a babe like that!?" He asks honestly baffled.
"uh--"
"Oh come on!" He looks at Axel as he gave a smirk. "You can tell me, actually." He turned to Marie. "Let me guess, he's got a great personality. No wait- he makes you laugh."
(I mean..it's true)
She nodded. "Well yeah." She says "but that doesn't mean anything, I love him--its none of your business anyway you fucking boomer."
"I am not that old!" He says. "Well if your little boy toy was gone you be free to be mine so Bye bye boy toy."
He lifts his bat to bash in the skull but Marie tackled Axel out of the way.
(that's true, he's a gen xer)
She used herself to create a shield as one of negan's men held him back and pointed out this little fact to him.
"Well well My little clingy girl, looks like we are in deal making mode." He says
"deal making? You tried to kill my fucking boyfriend!"she yelled as he just smiled.
"Holy hell..." Axel muttered in shock
"Well I can still kill your boyufriend." He says
"no!" She yelled as she was clearly getting distressed as her anger was turning into fear. She never had to deal with this before.
"See Darling I want you to be my Golden wife, the one I have a family with but if keeping this limp noodle alive as your second husband is what is takes then I am willing to play ball." Negan says.
"....Golden wife? Are you..implying you have one already- more than one? Because I dated a Mormon once, and I vowed I'd never date a man who can't be loyal to me."
(but she cool with having a second husband xD)
(XD Yup)
"As my Golden Wife I will be loyal to you and only if you want me to divorce my other wives I will." He says.
He was desperate for her and she was worth it.
"and If I say no?" "Then I kill your Boy toy and take.you anyway." He said as Marie and Axel share a look.
"....fine.." she said softly as he gave a smirk.
(Later that night, Negan's pov, at his community.)
I glare at Axel as I passed by, heading into my home, passing by my other wives as they were drinking and talking. God they never do shut up.
I walked into my room seeing Marie already under the covered trying to fall asleep as I place Lucille down and crawl into bed only for her to turn and glare at me.
"You touch me, I'll fucking take that bat and shove it down your goddamn throat. It's bad enough I have to share a bed with you."
"Oh come on, your my blushing Bride!" I say. "I just want to hold ya."
(Mmmmmhmmmmm I smell bullshit XD)
(Dude you do not wanna play with a pissed marie)
(Amen!)
She turned around. "First off, not your fucking bride. There was no ceremony, no papers, no rings, not even a fucking piece of bread as a substitute to cake. Second off you threatened my actual significant other, and third off, you fucking touch me, and the next time I get my period, I'll shove my pad into your mouth."
(oh my god Holy fuck)
(Dammmnnnn)
I throw myself on back this suck so much! When I got her I was expecting some bed breaking fun, not ball busting bullshit.
(hey now likely hood she's gonna cuddle up to you is high She's been sleeping on the cold hard ground for weeks)
(XD yup)
I sigh and close my eyes falling asleep only to wake up to someone touching me my eyes snap open and Marie is cuddling into me
(this is the start of a....really unhealthy relationship..s)
(Yes it is)
She was asleep still but her arm was draped around me as moved closer to me. She then threw a leg over me and wrapped it around me.
(I legit do this XD)
I stop as I looked down at our legs--was she not wearing pants?
(A valid question)
(XD Get it get it good~ XD)
She then sat up and stripped her top and now was naked. She then laid down right ontop of me and I was rock hard. God fucking damnit. What kind of cruel test is this? I do strip ony half sleeping state
(XD I do too XD)
I looked at her and she buries her face in my neck
God...please let me get through the night..
(Next day.)
Well..this went about as well as I expected as she hit me with pillow after pillow.
"I can't believe you just let that happen!"
"I didn't even see much of anything!" I really didn't.
She threw another pillow at me. Why did I have eleven decorative pillows?
"Ugh! You you MAN THING!" She snouts.
(Lady D XD JK)
She pushed me out of my own room as I glared but take a breath. This is just a rocky start, but the honeymoon phase will kick in eventually..
(Time skip)
"Where the hell is Axel?.huh? Do any of you dumbasses know where he is?" I ask as no one seemed to know as I walk out past the trucks when I hear a noise, giggling coming from inside of the trunks
I walk over only to see him on top of someone, however the only person not in attendance to the daily meeting..was him and Marie. I immediately race over seeing Marie under him, her shirt pushed up. Oh hell no this was not going to happen until I was with her first!
[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS first part done I hope you all enjoyed and stay sexy!]
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nikkoliferous · 3 years
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Phase One: Thor
Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO
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My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux
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If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.
But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.
now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it
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“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”
I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).
Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.
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…is it, though?
I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.
I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.
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Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram: 
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This is a goat:
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This is Loki:
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Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.
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This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all. 
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Always happy to have cause to point out that
Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.
People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.
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Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?
Asgardian exceptionalism FTW
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I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂
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Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??
This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao
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“Looking for answers,” my foot.
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YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??
#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y
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What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy 
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Just wanna remind everyone that this 
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is why he’s smiling during this scene 
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because it makes me laugh every time. 😂 
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My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭
But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.
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Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring. 
#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?
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Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.
Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂
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JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?
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Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.
Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂
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…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?
On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️
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lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger 
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Honestly, though, big mood. 
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Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway. 
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Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.
…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.
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Ok, first of all, no.
Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.
Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?
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Please stop hurting me.
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Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather. 
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…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.
Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.
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Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is. 
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I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.
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This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.
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So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?
…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.  
#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol
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Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.
But you won’t.
You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒
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Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess… 
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That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD. 
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First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol 
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Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol 
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Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.
Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.
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lmao you little shit
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So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.
But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.
For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.
It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.
Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.
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I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.
I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️
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Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.
I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.
The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:
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Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.
There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.
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The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit. 
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There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.
“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.
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COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.
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No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.
And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.
Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.
Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.
WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol
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oneweekoneband · 3 years
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To Leave Or Die In Long Island
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Of course, BTMI! was just getting started. Less than a year after the release of the debut, Jeff came out with a second album (well, at 8 songs, it’s more of an EP, or mini-album, or, in Jeff’s words, a digital “10-inch”). Though To Leave Or Die In Long Island is shorter in length than Album Minus Band, that only seems to have helped to focus the sound and songwriting on it. In some ways, it’s more conceptually ambitious, too – the album begins and ends with the same melody in a kind of parallel structure. Almost everything that was great on Album Minus Band is honed to a finer point here. (Strangely, according to this interview, this is apparently Jeff’s least favourite BTMI! album; while I understand his reasoning why, it easily ranks as one of my favourites.) As on that album, for example, Jeff continues to criticize the state of the 2000s punk scene. But instead of simply lashing out at obnoxious trend-chasers, his targets get more specific and his lyrics more potent as a result: opener “Happy Anterrabae Day!!!” takes aim at the overly-violent culture that can still be observed at hardcore shows. Between the first verse to the second, Jeff moves from jeering at the guys who threaten “some fourteen-year-old” to suggesting ways to improve the situation: “If I kissed you on the nose or offered you a hug, / How could you possibly still wanna fight?” He ends with a reminder of the positive possibilities of punk rock: “Think about the reason you went to shows at twelve years old, / We all felt alone, it was not to kick my ass!”
Whether it’s the inside-joke about a bandmate’s ladder-climbing career offer to join a more successful band (that didn’t work out in the end) on “Congratulations, John, On Joining Every Time I Die!” or the under-a-minute hardcore punchline of “Showerbeers!!!”, the album really shines on the lyrical front even when it feels like Jeff isn’t trying (which he admits he wasn’t on “Showerbeers!!!”). Then there’s the more serious stuff: “Dude, Get With The Program” is one of Jeff’s best songs about the paper-thin quality of that bullshit facade upper-management types put on when trying to soothe class antagonisms in their workplaces. Inspired by an experience he had at a job in which a company’s managers started lecturing workers on being part of their “family” right before the paycuts and firings began, he vents his frustrations: “You’re working on your first million, / I’m on my first thousand, / And bills are due tomorrow.” There’s the emptiness of the rhetoric fed to those who get the short end of the stick under capitalism: “You didn’t get fired, you’re ‘laid off.’” The chorus clears it all up: “You could have figured out a way to help us out, / But you just said: / ‘Hey, go ahead and get fucked!’”
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By contrast, the less-oppositional “Stand There Until Your Sober” has been a long-running fan favourite possibly due to its confessional quality. It’s a song about drinking too much, feeling like you’ve fallen behind in life, like you’ve missed your chance to grow up, and being generally miserable with nothing to look forward to except the awesome party you have planned for your friends at your funeral (because “mourning is for suckers!”). Over a relatively sparse 3/4 groove with some nice musical flourishes (those backmasked acoustic guitar chords that open the song always get me), Jeff sings about the city’s ambient lights blocking out the stars, making out with a stranger on a boat, and earning only “a hundred and ten bucks for twenty hours” while watching his friends achieve a comfortable stability in life that always seems out of reach for him. It’s the ultimate loser’s anthem, and maybe some of the most poetic stuff to come out of BTMI! Even in the midst of the despair, a ray of positivity breaks through near the end of the song: “You’ll finally know that life’s okay, / Even when the bad things happen.”
The music, too, takes a giant step forward on To Leave Or Die. Though Album Minus Band already showed signs of breaking free from the confines of ska-punk, Jeff signals his ambitions to fuck with the formula as much as possible right off the bat with the cheesy fake-out synth-rock intro to “Happy Anterrabae Day!!!”, gradually revving up the tempo until it reaches the hardcore intensity that kicks off its first verse. Remember what I said about Jeff’s harmonies on Album Minus Band? Here’s the thing: he might not be a great singer (something he’d address directly on the band’s final album), but he sure knows how to layer his voice in his wall-of-sound production to trick you into thinking he is. Of course, he pulls back the curtain at the end and mutes all instruments for the final chorus’s last couple “na-na-na” sections, revealing a chorus of Jeffs screaming vague harmonies and polyphonies at the top of their lungs, barely staying in time with each other, let alone in tune. He knows exactly how absurd it sounds and works that to his advantage perfectly – it never fails to make me laugh out loud. I actually first got my sister into this band by showing her this part of the song, which she couldn’t believe would be left in an actual studio recording. It’s both incredibly funny and incredibly punk; what could be more so than a guy going “Yeah, I can’t sing, but how about I make a whole goddamn choral arrangement out of my voice anyway?”
The peak of the album’s musical ambition arrives at its climax and final song, “Syke! Life Is Awesome!” A tour-de-force of multi-section songwriting, Jeff describes it relatively accurately on Quote Unquote as being composed of “20-second blasts of different genres whether it be alt-country, post-punk, reggae or synth pop.” What that description doesn’t quite capture is the progression of the song, from an acoustic-strummed folk-punk intro into a kind of freak-folk chorus strung out on its own silliness, from there to a classic hardcore punk tempo interspersed with a couple bars of ska, building to an unstoppable outro with a horn section that sounds like a Motown track’s backing dialed up to light-speed. That excellent “na-na-na” vocal melody from “Happy Anterrabae Day!!!” is reprised here through the horns at the end of the song, a motif for the observant listener to enjoy. Lyrically, too, this might be one of my favourite BTMI! songs; Jeff says this one was about a time he got to talk with the lead singer of Squeeze and realized how cool it was that his life had turned out in a way that such a thing could happen. It’s the end of the song that really gets me: sprinting across the album’s final stretch, Jeff begins a long, uninterrupted phrase following an instrumental break that details all the weird things that happened in his life in the chain of events that got him to where he was at the time of writing that song. It evokes a sense of wonder at the simple mechanism of cause-and-effect: “And if I knew how to throw a football, / I would have never played any music, / And if never got my heart broken, / I would sing ‘blah blah fucking nothing.’” It’s a celebration of the uniqueness of the timeline that makes your life unequivocally yours, as it could never be any other way. In philosophy, we might call that a “haecceity.”
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ton-e · 4 years
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Lol ok so I didn't wanna do aesthetics so I wanna brainstorm possible scenes instead
Ok so the premise is, basically, Viktor, an aspiring kid looking to enter this straining affair of the boxing world. He's young and impressionable and he's got something to say. Something that old underground New York pubs and junior gyms don't provide enough eco for.
Barnes, a big shot star in the 80s, is pretty much known as the best of the best there, holding the impressive score of 34-1. (Tho I don't know if it can count as a victory since he wasn't even there for the fight, anyway) but after a near fatal shooting which happened right before his big championship match with Rollins, a bullet piercing his right shoulder which leads to the amputation of his limb, he dissapears into the shadows. The world moves on.
I like the idea of Barnes being trained by Mary who was in his exact same spot years ago but had to give up her career to have Anthony which she doesn't regret! Between her heart problems and the growing annoyance of public attention, a baby is practically a blessing and if it puts Jarvis and Howie to rest then it's a bonus. (I also kind of like the idea of her having only losing once and it was against Maria lol)
And maybe Viktor goes to her first but, while she does seem fond, like she's looking at an old memory twice, she refuses. "Kid, I'm gonna tell you exactly what I told my old pain in the ass when he stood in your spot: I can't."
"Why?"
"Because us Carbonells train to kill, not fight. Alright, what you think boxing is, - this cookie-cutter bullshit version you kids have today? The civilized conversation, the heavy editing, the contracts promising defenses, - that doesn't mean shit. Apollo Creed had a contract.
Muhammed Ali had a contract. So did Jimmy Doyle, Frankie Cambell, and Brad Connels. A sheet of paper can't protect you from the ring, and I'm not having another kid on my conscience. Besides, these guys? They have purpose. Whether it's money, or sport, or just to chase the high - they have it. You just want the glory."
"Yeah? So what?" So what if he wants to be seen? So what if he's doing all of this hoping to impress? So what if he has to prove he's worth someone's time. "If I die I die. Big deal."
For some reason, he wants to both cry and retaliate at the look of pity that crosses her face. "Go home, kid. You're gonna break your momma's heart." Are his last words to him before she closes the door.
In a Viktor fashion, he does the exact opposite.
He likes the street fighting, - the vibrations under his fists, the crack of his bones, the violent taste of crimson metal blossoming in his mouth, it's liberating. He doesn't think about anything. It's just him and his adversary, not an enemy, just someone seeing him as Viktor sees them. That rush could ruin a man.
It doesn't hurt he's making pocket money on the side, either. Certainly better than watching some snotty kids or mowing laws, in his book.
No, what kind of hurts is seeing the sharp scrutiny in Aleksei's sharp eye and the soft disappointment uncovering Ryurik's Dad Stare when they come pick him up from the station.
He and his mother are alike a lot in that aspect, - really he's pretty sure the five, Sasha and him have had an agreement to collectively throw themselves off a cliff if they disappointed Ryurik in some way. A broken arm, bruised ribs, and black eye? Pale in comparison to what Ryurik's power really holds.
I refuse to believe Aleksei doesn't freely parent other people's kids sksk Aleksei only stops scolding him when a police officer says ''He's going to spend the first part of his life in the streets, and the other in the grave. I put my life on it." Well a certain fashion teacher is gonna design the outfit for your funeral BITCH-
"You're so damn lucky Talusha was busy digging her medicure through someone's intestines right now. Do you even know how bad you look right now? Of the mountain of trouble you're into? Are you? Viktor Iosef Novak, you look at me when I'm talking to you, -"
"Relax, relax, take it down to a two, " Viktor pushes back a laugh watching Ryurik placate his husband bc it's just cute, and ignores the shush river of Russian pet names bc they're not for him to hear. It makes him feel vulnerable tho, that Ryurik feels the need to somehow hold Aleksei back. He can take the heat just fine.
He can take it and give it just as good, because every battle he's been into before has been on his own name. But this is harder because it was never a fight, to begin with.
Fighting is easy. Stopping is harder.
It doesn't stop feeling bad when Sasha bandages his wounds and his back doesn't cool town from the target five pair of eyes fixate on. Yasha's burn the hardest thought. "The fuck you looking at?" He playfully glares, the good part of his shoulder bumping against the other boy's, who tries to small but it lifts with a strain.
"An idiot."
"Are you looking for a mirror?"
"Fuck you, Vitya."
"Hard pass."
"Okay, Viktor you're not getting away that easy, " Ronin says, arms still bound tightly around Antoska's slender shoulders and Sasha's frail middle. Despite his easy going tone, Viktor uncovers the touch of concern underneath. "Why can't you just ask your mom to teach you? Or Papa? I mean, you want to be on a knuckle sandwich diet be my guest, but it's not really good for digestion from what I hear."
"It's not the same. Your father knows another kind of style."
'He doesn't want to learn from mom and uncle Ryurik because she's a girl,' Sasha signes irritably, eyes making an impressive tumble. 'My brother, the 14 year old, making sexist comment. What a never heard of fact.'
"I didn't say that!" He exclaims, flushed. Hissing when Natalia kicks him in the tender bruise he sports on his hip. "I just said, that I want to learn boxing! And that's not the same thing as what Ma does, or you guys do. Boxing is special. But if I can't learn from Barnes specifically, then there's no point!"
The red head huffs in indignation. "Okay, so, boo hoo, some washed-up Rocky Balboa doesn't want to train you. You have options, V. People give up over worse."
He doesn't feel like being home anymore, so he flees, the call outs to his name going ignored. in the street or just outside, he doesn't know. He just knows red follows him, that concrete shakes under the stomp of his heel and that the wetness on his cheeks freezes on his face. No one gets it, no one gets HIM. It hurts, that a part of him, the part that tells him he's worthless and insignificant and forgetful , really does think Barnes has better things to do than train him.
A sleek car, long, vintage, a touch too expensive for the streets he's haunting right now, stops beside him. He continues. It follows him, engines unusually quiet.
"Mr. Novak?" A deep voice, subdued, but persuasive nonethelesss coerces him into stopping. The windows roll down, revealing a man with a smile too friendly to be true and eyes too kind to be nondeceiving. "My name is Alexander Pierce. And I happen to have an irresistible offer."
"It's in the process of extension, " Pierce expresses later, as he leads Viktor through the underground fighting bar. Its practically a huge stadium in a molehill and his mind struggles to compute how Pierce pulled it off. "I'm looking for capable young talents to craft into tomorrow's brightest stars. I'm assuming you've heard of Rumlow before?"
"Crossbones? 23-2? Yeah, I heard. He's currently heavyweight champ, right?" Barnes should have been, he wants to say, but reading the room better he thinks against it. "I don't... Actually think I've seen him around much. Maybe since '98, but that's his most recent match. What's ... Up with that?"
"He's kept that belt around him for closer than two decades. Id say its time for some adjuments in the records, don't you agree?" He doesn't like it when Pierce smiles. Bad things happen when he smiles, of that Viktor is certain. "That being said. I think you could be our following breakthrough. What do you say? I'd love to see a performance. "
"I'd be surprised if you guys had a Juniors league." He snorts, expecting a smart retort, but all he gets is a sinister grin. All of a sudden he's in the ring, without even noticing he was moved, and before him stands a beast of a man, two heads taller and promise of pain in his eyes. "... What juice do you give this kid?"
"You're charismatic. You'll need that in this world. He's your adversary for tonight. I'd suggest an old fashioned glove bump for the sake of sport, but, seeing as you're barehanded id advise against it. "
"You can't do that, " nervousness bubbles in his throat. "That's against the rules. I can't fight like that."
"Oh! Don't worry. You don't have to fight. You just have to die."
--
The last time Rumlow sees Barnes is on a stretcher, arm bathed in blood and with the press around an ambulance.
He doesn't know what they were. Fuck buddies to almost friends to friends with benefits? He doesn't know what he had, but he knows he lost it. All he has is a sheet of paper with scratched blue ink, digits that no longer call, and some gold on leather.
"You should treat that belt with more respect. " Rollins scolds him. Rumlow uses it as feet rest next, and doesn't flinch at the sharp slap he receives. Instead, he smiles mockingly, lower lip sticking out in a tempting pout.
"Hit a bit harder next time and maybe it'll be half close to how Barnes used to do it. Just because it felt good with him doesn't mean you'll receive the same response." The pout slips into a smile that drinks into the frustration sizzling around the air. "Besides, I don't listen to cowards, Jackie. Thought we established that."
"Oh, please. Are you ever going to let that go? I ain't gonna repeat it a thousand times till you get It through that hard head of yours, but I didn't shoot your boy toy."
'' I didn't say you shot him. Pussy like yourself, I'm thinking you hired someone. Why did you do it? Hm? Were you that scared to fight him that you wanted to kill him? Hell, I don't blame you. Man sprints like Ali and serves like Creed. "
It's Jack's turn to return that grin, that fucking blood-curling grin. " Used to, for sure. Remember when he fucked up your pretty face in '84. Now? He's a street rat barely getting by, sniffing after junk and scraps just to stay alive. Must be hard to think about, I guess, that he used to give it so good and now he can't even hold you, can't he? Not with his cripple self. "
The beer can in Rumlow's hand spills over. Neither comment. "I ain't afraid of no half-man, Brocky, " Honey-sweet words make him sick. He wants to kick Jack out, but they both know he won't stay away, and that Rumlow won't keep him away. He's too dependent on him at this point. "And not stupid enough to think he's coming back."
"... You're right. You're not afraid to fight him. You've got a lot of words worth to point the finger at, but chicken shit? Ain't one of them. You know what I think?" Rumlow sits back, smirk wide and nasty, contradicting the sadness on his tongue, the venom, the tired. " I think you were afraid to be him. That he just? Didn't give a shit. Just like I did. That he could fuck me whenever and wherever he damn well pleased without giving a shit about who had something to say about it.
You were afraid I'd say something about you, even if we both damn well know that never happened, that he found out. I think you were terrified he was gonna tell the world Jack Rollins was a faggot just like his daddy."
He can't snapshot the moment his body makes contact to the floor. He doesn't count the punches either, letting them numb over his face, no longer present for the beating. At around one point, his neck snaps to the TV screen, in sync with Jack ceasing his onslaught, and his eyeballs follow his stunned gaze.
Rumlow can recall the time Barnes lost his right hand.
And he'll brain engrave the image of him kncoking some goon out with his left.
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mikeshanlon · 5 years
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Happy Pride! .... Like... more than halfway through the month lmao sorry, better late than never ig! I’ve compiled a list of some of my fave LGBT+ books, as well as a few I’m planning to read for pride/in the near future. Please feel free to reblog and add some of your own recs, especially for the sexual and gender identities that are lacking in my list!!!!!
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz: This beautiful, wholesome coming of age novel is pretty popular on tumblr and with good reason! It’s set in the 1980′s and follows Aristotle, aka "Ari”, as he grows up an tackles with his identity-- he feels like his story is written by someone else, that his path is not up to his control. Whether this is due to his complex relationship with his family, or societal expectations/stereotypes of Latinx men, or the fact that maybe his friendship with Dante might be more than that, and that kinda terrifies him. (Rep: Gay, Latinx, (I believe this is own voices) Warnings: it’s been a minute since i’ve read this but i believe some racism, internalized homophobia, and an instance of violent transphobia)
Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: LGKNLKNGRG okay this is truly one of my favorite books of the year so far and part of the whole reason i wanted to make this. This is a New Adult Contemporary romance set in sort of a like... parallel America where a woman won the presidential election. We follow The First Son, Alex Claremont-Diaz, who’s charming, smart ass, genius icon. Him, his sister June, and their best friend Nora are easily marketable and loved by the public for the most part, but when Alex and his rival Prince Henry of England get into a public spat at a Royal Wedding, Alex and Henry must pretend to be friends to patch up relations and public image for his mother’s re-election campaign. Eventually their fake friendship turns real, and then becomes more as they get to know each other, Alex and Henry begin a secret romance that we follow over the course of the re-election year. This book is fucking HILARIOUS (like I have so many tabs for funny moments and i was trying to be restrained), but it’s just so. Like full of love and hope and it’s so beautiful???? It’s definitely political escapism from our current situation in America but still deals with current issues such as racism and homopboia, etc, but gives the reader hope for future progress. Alex and Henry’s relationship is so fun, and sexy, and beautiful and the friendships are so iconic and Alex’s journey with sexuality is... chefs kiss. Also like. Casey McQuiston mentioned that she listened to Texas Reznikoff by Mitski a lot while writing this in the acknowledgments so. what more do you need... (Rep: Bisexual (Own Voices), Gay, Biracial-- Mexican/White (Own Voices), Warnings: Racism, homophobia, mentions of a past sexual harrassment/assault. Since this is a New Adult, there are smut scenes. I wouldn’t say it’s like. Super explicit or anything but there is sex, though it’s often during Important Moments of their relationships so it doesn’t feel like p*rn-- again the sex is happening but its not in hella explicit detail or anything or for the same goal as say an erotica. P much proceed with caution if it’s not ur thing but it’s not too wild!)
Blanca y Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore: This is sort of a Snow White/Rose Red and Ugly Duckling retelling following two sisters, Blanca and Roja, who’s family curse destines that one of the sisters will be trapped into a swan’s body, never to be seen again. (So this is magical realism lmao). We also follow two boys, Page and Yearling, who were wrapped up in the magic of the nearby woods, but have returned to society. Page is a gender queer trans male, and his whole arc that was so beautiful and made me cry, but in a good way (also warning that I’m cis so like. I would love to hear what gender queer trans individuals think about the rep in this book bc I cannot really attest to it.) This book is really about sisterly love and love in general, with all the complexities that come with it. (also wlw grandma’s who grow apple’s it’s p iconic) (Rep: Latinx-- colorism plays a huge role in the story as well (Own Voices), Gender Queer Trans, Queer (Own Voices) Warnings: Some transphobia, racism, and abuse). (I believe most of Anna-Marie McLemore’s books are magical realism and have some Latinx and queer elements to them as well)
The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: god..... This (gay ass) novelization of The Illiad is just so tragically romantic and beautiful... We follow Achilles and Patroclus as they grow up and grow closer, and eventually fight the Trojan War. There are so many beautiful quotes and scenes but like. You will most likely cry so keep that in mind eklrgerg. (Rep: Gay Warnings: Violence, there’s like..... a weird r*pe/homophobic scene)
Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan: YA Fantasy set in a world where there are three castes: Moon-- the highest caste, demons with animalistic features in a humanoid form, Steel-- humans with part demon physical features and abilities, and Paper-- fully human, the lowest caste. We follow our protaganist Lei, who despite being a Paper caste, has beautiful golden glowing eyes that end up garnering attention from the Demon King. She’s stolen from her home and forced to join The Paper Girls-- a group of paper caste concubines in training at the palace. As she tries to find a way to escape, she ends up falling for one of the other paper girls, Wren, who might be just the key to freedom. I love Lei and Wren’s relationship and I’m excited to see it play out in the sequel! (which i believe ngan said will introduce more LGBT characters) (Rep: Asian (Own Voices), WLW (I believe this is Own Voices as well). Warnings: As their role as concubines suggest, a large part of this book revolves around the patriarchy using women for power and sexual assualt/rape. There are no explicit rape scenes-- though they do occur ‘off screen’, however there are a couple attempted sexual assault scenes that I believe could be p triggering. This book is also largely about the Paper Girls taking back their power, and I don’t believe these scenes are done for shock value, however please proceed with caution. Subsequently, sexist and patriarchial views are present within the authority, though shunned by Lei, however there’s a lot of internalized sexism and objectification among some of the other Paper Girls.)
Carry On by Rainbow Rowell: I probably don’t have to talk about this one much since it’s super popular, but in what is like essentially Harry Potter but like gay and wholesome, we follow Simon Snow, the Chosen One who’s actually not that good at magic, his best friend Penelope, and his roommate and arch nemesis that’s totally a vampire but won’t admit it, Baz. (Except Baz is, like, totally in love with Simon and Simon’s just too dumb and wrapped up in his own shit to realize it). Truly just,... an iconic enemies to friends to lovers story that unfolds as the three of them try to uncover a mystery surrounding Baz’s late mother. Ik some people have found it confusing bc it’s sort of like starting the Harry Potter story off at book 7 and only getting some background info along the way but honestly I really enjoyed that lmao. Also there’s a sequel coming out this fall, Wayward Son. (Rep: Gay, Some POC rep. Warnings: not rlly any i dont think??? There’s  like. some Homophobia lmao bc we can’t have a gay book without it.)
Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins: This is a cute YA contemporary following Millie Quint who, post being cheated on by her best friend and wanting to have a fresh start, flies to Scotland to finish off her senior year at her Dream prestigous boarding school, joining a handful of other girls as the first female class in the institution’s history. Plus like. Cool Rocks and Scotland. Only problem is that her roomate is sort of a bitch and also the Princess of Scotland who she totally just told off. So yeah yet another royal gay enemies to friends to lovers with a dash of and they were roomates LMAO. This book could be like.... a bit cheesy and rushed but overall it was cute and like...... The Cover.... (Rep: Bisexual, Lesbian, Warnings: Some homophobia. Also this is a companion novel to Prince Charming but you don’t have to read that first, there’s just some references to the couple in that book as the Prince is well.... The Princess’ brother and where they end up so if you don’t wanna be spoiled read that first ig!)
The Devouring Gray by Christine Lynn Herman: I talked about this some in this post, but I feel like I did kinda a shitty job so. A YA fantasy/paranormal series about the descendant’s of the town’s four founding families-- Violet Saunders, Justin Hawthorne, Harper Carlisle, and Isaac Sullivan (the most iconic one). The latter three have lived in Four Paths their whole lives, protecting the town from The Gray-- p much the Upside Down from Stranger Things lmao, using powers specific to each of their families. Violet and her mother move back after Violet’s sister died in a car accident, and she’s thrust into helping save the town as the Gray grows more restless and having to uncover the secrets of her family as well as all the history brewing between the other three. The Stranger Things and Riverdale comparisons are p valid, (but like. Riverdale in the sense of small town secrets and a bunch of tense history that the kids don’t really understand and must uncover, and some like love triangle but..... not Rlly Love triangles just a mess of ppl being like oh shit i like this person and this person.... Bisexual Chaos if u will... not like. The I’m cuckoo bananas for u let’s go get high and play dungeons and dragons and smash in a bunker LRGKJRLKGJ), the Raven Cycle comparison’s are kind of a stretch, I can see the abstract comparison’s if i squint but like. Don’t go into this expecting TRC lmao. I really enjoyed the theme of grief throughout this book and seeing the powers unfold (and one of the dynamics a lot) and while not perfect the series has a lot of potential and like. Bisexuals. So. (Rep: Bisexual (two mc’s are bi and say the word!!!!!!!! As well as some secondary characters), Disabled (one of the mc’s is missing one arm from the elbow down). Warnings: Grief, Violence)
The Gentlemen’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee: Also talked about this in this post and did a better job there, but to sum it up it’s essentially a friends to lovers, bed sharing, road trip au with a dash of magic but set in the 1700′s! There’s also a sequel/companion, The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy that I have yet to read but it follows Monty’s sister, Felicity, and I believe goes more in depth with her identity. (Rep: Gay, Black, Disabled, Aromantic, Asexual, Warnings: Period typical homophobia/biphobia, racism, ableism, sexism)
Simon vs. The Homosapien’s Agenda by Becky Albertalli: Like. I don’t think i really have to explain this one LRKGJJRG but added it just in case. YA contemporary following Simon as he e-mails another gay student at his school and falls in love. (Rep: Gay, Black, Jewish, Warnings: Homophobia)
All For the Game Trilogy (The Foxhole Court, The Raven King, The King’s Men) by Nora Sakavic: If y’all have been on my blog at all you know i’m back in aftg hyperfixation mode after another reread lmao. Is it a lil messy is it a lil dramatic... yes. but i love it!!! We follow our protagonist Neil Josten, who’s been on the run from his crime lord father, The Butcher of Baltimore, since he was young. After his mother dies on the run, Neil finds a new place and adopts yet another identity, and ends up playing high school exy (a made up sport but like we’re barely here for the sports lmao), something he used to play as a child. Despite playing a new position, he attracts the attention of the PSU Foxes, who’s coach David Wymack specifically recruits players with a troubled past to give them a second chance. Neil really shouldn’t sign-- it goes against everything his mother told him, it puts him at risk of being in the spotlight for his father’s men to find him, and puts him on the same team as Kevin Day, someone from his past that knows his true identity. Still, something draws Neil to joining the team, to finally try to live instead of just survive. UGHHHH like truly this book just makes u fall in love with all the characters and the beautiful and broken found family that develops over three books and one of the most iconic and amazing (ha....) slowburn relationships ever.... Also if i recall they’re super cheap on iBooks (at least when i bought them, the first book was free and the other two were $1.99). (Rep: Gay, Demisexual, POC, Warnings: MAJOR trigger warnings for like. everything bc all the foxes have fucked up pasts. But the biggest ones are probably rape, abuse/torture, and substance abuse)
Six of Crows Duology (Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom) by Leigh Bardugo: Idk how much I really have to talk about this bc it’s popular but I am physically unably not to reccomend this duology bc its just. So. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The most barebones summary is that this is a YA Fantasy about six people coming together to perform an impossible heist. This is truly like...... a masterclass in developing characters and has one of the best m/f ships i’ve ever read... But also since it’s on here there is some gay shit going on, 3/6 mains are Not Straight and there’s a cute m/m couple! Also you don’t have to read the Grisha Trilogy to read this but u can if u want (I have yet to). (Rep: Bisexual, Gay, Disabled, POC, Warnings: Again these ppl have fucked up pasts, biggest are PTSD, past sexual abuse)
The Raven Cycle Series (The Raven Boys, The Dream Theives, Blue Lily Lily Blue, The Raven King) by Maggie Steifvater: Again i don’t think I really have to explain this one but like. In case you haven’t read this series it’s truly iconic..... Idk even how to explain this LKGJLJRG just like magical realism wonderfulness and found family and amazing relationships and shit.... (Rep: Gay, Bisexual, Disabled, Warnings: Abuse)
The following are books I plan to read for pride/in the near future. I can’t wholeheartedly reccomend them obviously, or fully detail all the rep/warnings, but I’ve heard some great things about these books and a lot of them have representation that the first part of the list is lacking, so I figured I would add them! (Also if I use ‘queer’ that’s because that’s the only label I have been given by the authors or reviewers, or the characters identify as queer)
Radio Silence by Alice Oseman: To my knowledge this is a really emotional YA coming of age/college story that has to do with like. A podcast? Idk a lot of people love it and side note I’ll be suing B&N bc they NEVER have it relkj (Rep: Bisexual, Demisexual, I belive Latinx.)
Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand: I believe this is a YA horror-ish novel where there’s a monster stealing girls on and island. (Rep: I believe all three main girls are queer Warnings: Since this is horror im assuming. Horror stuff LMAO)
I Wish You all The Best by Mason Deaver: A YA contemporary romance about Ben who comes out as non-binary to their parents and gets kicked out, and moves in with their estranged sister. They soon are taken under the wing of a senior named Nathan Allan and begin to fall. (Rep: Non-Binary (Own Voices), MLM/Queer, Black (im assuming from the gorgeous cover lmao. Warnings: Misgendering, homophobia, anxiety, depression)
Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno: YA Magical Realism about Georgina, who has yet to inherit the magical powers that have been passed down her family, including her twin sister Mary who, unlike Georgina, is coming into her powers. (Rep: Lesbian, Queer, Aro/Ace, Warnings: Rape and sexual assault, underage drinking, animal death, drug use.)
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sweetdejun · 4 years
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coterie: the bluetooth earpiece (1/2)
gang!x1 x fem!reader
synopsis: you’re an ordinary girl, with an ordinary life. but what happens when you catch the gang that is famous for keeping their deeds under the table, in action?
coterie’s masterlist can be found here
pairing: son dongpyo and y/n
a/n: a bit of cursing, so proceed with caution.
you twisted the bluetooth earpiece between your fingers, showing it to the rest of the crowd. and the slightly shorter boy stepped forward, with a nod and a curt grin. “that’s mine,” and seungwoo looks between the both of you before nodding to the boy, “dongpyo, fill her in, then come by my room, I have to give you some stuff. the rest of you can carry on.” seungwoo shot you one last glance before heading back to the hallway you originally came from. the rest of the guys went their separate ways, leaving you alone with dongpyo in the large living room. dongpyo’s attention was brought back to the small device, still in your hand. he walked up closer to you and held out his hand. you were confused, and this caused him to prompt, “my bluetooth?” realizing the situation you were in, your eyebrows shot up and you mumbled an apology and shoved the earpiece into his outstretched hand. “chill out there, buddy.” dongpyo smirks for the first time since you’ve met him (granted, you’ve not known the boy longer than an hour even, but still, he’s got a great smile). “come, you’ve chosen the most fun person on the team, be happy!” he motioned for you to follow him and so you walk up a set of stairs just at the end of one of the many hallways in the x1 mansion. once you reach the top, there’s a door. dongpyo opens the door and moves to the side, “after you,” you thank him quietly and walk in, and are immediately confused. you see all kinds of things in the room: apart from the traditional bed, bathroom and closet, there’s a table with all sorts of knick-knacks on it. a pair of glasses, a comb, a wig, and a few other things, but also a ton of thumbtacks, and a bulletin board sits just on the wall above the table, with tons of things pinned down to it. there’s a small bookshelf with binders, and on the topmost shelf are all sorts of passports. I wonder what he does, you think and you hear him laugh. “can’t you tell yet?” you shake your head, and dongpyo throws his back, snorting. “I’m a con artist, baby. the actor of the gang. think charles ponzi meets the spy kids. what I do around here is simple; whenever seungwoo hyung needs me to find out additional information about someone by going to their residence, I dress up and play the part. he needs me to play a smart college kid, I’ll be the smart college kid. he needs me to be an aspiring chef, I’ll be the aspiring chef. somehow I will find a way to get past security barriers and insert small things in the house, like a small voice bug or a camera. get it?” the only thing that leaves your mouth is, “this is fucking cool.” dongpyo’s eyebrows shot up, “you think so? of course, you do, this is the coolest job in the gang. anyway, as much as I would like to keep talking to you about the greatness that is my job, seungwoo hyung needs me, so I’ll be right back,” and he threw you a peace sign before exiting the room, leaving you standing in the mess. you began to examine dongpyo’s room, this time paying more attention to the details. the first thing your eyes go back to are the things he’s fixated onto his bulletin board. pictures of wealthy looking people, and it seemed that their information (business cards mainly) were also pinned down onto them. he’s crossed off some faces, and put small check marks on the cards, too. there’s some system he follows, and you find it fascinating. 
then, your attention shifts to his bookshelf. on top of it are multiple passports, indicative of their various colors. you pick up the one most familiar to you and check inside. the pages are marked a bit, indicating that he has used this passport multiple times. you look through the other passports and notice that his name and details are different in each of them. what else is expected of a con artist, you think. then, there are small weapons like swiss knives and daggers, mainly. but something catches your eye that you failed to notice before. a photo frame was put down, and its exterior matched the color of the bookshelf. you picked it up and saw the picture it held; a little boy being hugged from behind by a woman, both smiling wide in the picture. they seemed to be at a park or something. “you still in here, y/n?” a voice calls from behind you and you frantically put the photo frame back where it was, your heartbeat accelerating in anxiety. “y-yeah, you have a lot of cool things in here,” you play with your hands, a habit of yours dongpyo would soon be familiar with. you turn back and face him, and he’s holding a sheet of paper and a USB drive in the other hand. “well, I’m glad you are because seungwoo hyung just gave me details on the next mission. I hope you’re good at acting.” you think back to a time in high school where you had to take theatre for your fine arts credit. “I mean, I took theatre in high school? that’s about all I have in terms of experience.” dongpyo snorts, “well, were you any good?” you smile broadly, and tell him that you did a short film for a major grade, it’s recorded and on youtube if he wants to check it out later. you give him the name and information about the video and he says, “I’ll watch this and let you know if you can pull off the mission. if not, I think you may need to choose someone else. if you can’t act, there’s not much you can do for me.” you nod in understanding and let go of a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “alright, well I guess I’ll head over to my room, then. let me know, okay? I don’t wanna waste anyone’s time.” you tell him and you give him a small smile before leaving dongpyo. he finds your short film minutes later, scrolling through youtube for the exact name and publisher. he clicks on it and sits back in his desk chair. in the film, you were a student who liked a guy but kept it a secret, and your best friend ended up stealing him away from you. you also had a fatal illness and the film ultimately resulted in your death. dongpyo was hiccupping as the credits rolled on the screen. he froze and wipes his eyes violently. “ah shit, now what?” he mumbles and goes to wash his face. clearing his throat, he heads towards your room. he knocks and hears your response on the other side. you open the door to reveal a disheveled dongpyo and although you could tell he didn’t want you to notice, you can’t help but grin a little when you see his slightly tear-stained face. “I assume you’ve watched the film already.”
dongpyo goes red at this, and scoffs, “I don’t know why you’d think that, but on an unrelated note, what are you majoring in again?” your face falls a bit, “I was a political science major. until I was dragged here.” dongpyo lets out a sound in shock, “but you were so good! I watched the short film-stop laughing at me- and you were really good! I approve of your acting abilities, and you are now officially my partner in crime! or, well, this mission,” he rubs the back of his head. “so, what do I have to do?” dongpyo asks for permission to enter your room and plops himself onto your bed, sitting cross-legged and you stand in front of him. “well, for starters, how are you with handling fragile equipment? I know for a fact that you’ve never dealt with tiny cameras and stuff but that knowledge is kinda essential for this mission.” you shake your head, “I’ve never. I didn’t even know I would ever be in a situation like this, dongpyo. how would I even imagine how to handle tiny mics or cameras?” dongpyo’s hands go up in defense, “alright, jeez, don’t bite my head off. anywho, that’s not a problem, we have a few weeks till the actual mission so I’ll teach you how to use them. let me tell you about the mission: you know that there are 18 ministries in the korean government. well, the minister of employment and labor has been.. involved with some issues regarding employment in certain areas and basically we have an advantage over them if we succeed this mission because we’ll have proof of their wrongdoings. now the question will arise then: how do we do it? here’s where you come in.” your attention is completely captured now. “you and I need to pretend like we’re a young couple who’ve run away from home in order to stay together forever, you know all that cheesy shit. we’ll persuade him well enough and he’ll have to let us stay. we only need one night. I saw your acting and I think you have the potential, okay? so, you wanna do it?” it takes you a few minutes to process it all, come to a decision and then rethink your decision. your silence tells nothing to dongpyo so he feels himself deflate a little, and gets up. just as he reaches to open your door, your hand comes and grabs his forearm. he turns around, an incredulous look on his face and you breathe out, “I’ll do it.”
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druid-for-hire · 5 years
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can we get orpheus and eurydice's first conversation in the apartments au and their reactions to seeing each other's faces?
A wind blows through and Eurydice has to spit the hair out of her mouth.
Above her, the papers rustle and get swatted down again. There’s a commotion of banging around as the guy on the balcony above her scrambles over his furniture to keep all his music from flying away. Eurydice sees his hand reach out for one last sheet, but the wind whisks it away from his grasp. He lets out a pained cry, and the sound twists in her chest.
The wind changes again. Eurydice snatches the music out of the air before it can hit her in the face.
She’s… never seen his music before, actually. Or any sheet music that wasn’t officially printed. She’s only ever listened to him play and practice and rewrite and mumble to himself. She’s heard his process, but what does it look like?
Eurydice unfolds it gently. There’s no crinkle, she notices–it’s gone soft from being folded or crumpled so many times, probably from vigorous erasing and being hastily shoved into bags, judging by the old smudges of graphite and the tears on its curling edges. The notes themselves are extremely wibbly and sparse. It was written only for him to be able to make sense of.
She thinks that’s kind of cool, actually. Eurydice boasts no musical inclinations whatsoever, but she finds herself peering at the notes anyway, trying to find the melody out of the mess he’s scratched onto the page. 
She’d gotten so invested in it that the sob above her jerks her violently back into the present. Oh crap, she thinks. Right: it’s finals week. Guy above her is stressed, lost his sheet music, and is probably going to have a breakdown if she doesn’t say anything. She should say something. Uhh, d–hell, what is she supposed to say–wait, why is this a hard question?
She leans as far as she can over the railing and calls above her, “HEY! Hey! Is this yours?”
The guy above her startles. She can hear him scrubbing at his face, and then he rushes to the railing so fast he almost goes careening over it.
His eyes are still teary and wet and his face is kind of a mess, but oh fuck, Eurydice would still call him cute. Really cute. This is the guy who plays that guitar like a gentle magic and sings so sweetly. This is the guy whose late-night practice has lulled her to sleep. This is the guy who Eurydice, in spite of herself, can already feel herself falling very, very hard for. If she’d just spotted him from across a bar she probably wouldn’t have given him a second thought. But after months of eavesdropping on him and his music and his kindness, open on display from phone calls and his visiting friends, the moment she finally sees him over the railing is the moment she decides, fuck. I’m in love with this boy.
He blanches when he sees her. “Oh my god. Uh. Y–yeah, that’s mine, uh, holy–hold on, I’ll come downstairs, please don’t fall over oh my god.”
Then he’s gone again.
She hears his steps rush to the door through the ceiling above her, and she honestly hopes he doesn’t trip and hurt himself or something. That’d be… pretty unfortunate, given the day he’s had. That she thinks he’s had, anyway. Well. He was already on the verge of crying on the balcony, so she’s pretty sure it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to say that it hasn’t been a good day. Week, even.
She pulls open the door the second he knocks. Maybe that was too eager.
He’s really cute up close. He’s like a rabbit. All cute and nervous and a little twitchy, but she doesn’t mind. It’s charming.
Ah. She’s staring.
“… I have your music,” she mumbles, and passes him the sheet.
“… Thanks.” He’s staring too. She can’t tell if the redness in his face is from crying or blushing. He doesn’t look down to take the paper, and he misses–he accidentally grabs the back of her hand instead. Both of them recoil, and the blood starts to rush to Eurydice’s ears. (His hand is pretty. Sharp around the edges, strong-looking and a little veiny; they must see a lot of use. She’d never seen a hand actually look pretty before, and she’s including the callouses.)
She regains her composure, smooths out her feathers. “Here.” She holds the sheet up higher, and he takes it this time.
“Thanks,” he repeats. “Um, I gotta go study, but do you wanna talk again?”
“Yes.” She sees his eyes light up.
“Okay. Maybe not on the balcony. It’s kind of scary when you lean out like that.”
“I’m not sure we can do anything about that. I only ever run across you when we’re both on the balcony, ‘cause we never get to run into each other when we’re leaving or coming back into the building.”
“But can you lean back? For me?”
“Pfft. Fine.” That’s a lie. Eurydice wants to see his face, and if that means leaning precariously over the railing, then so be it.
God, this guy looks so happy right now. If this is what she does to him, then maybe she’s got a chance. There’s laughter underlining his voice when he says, “Okay. Thank you so much for getting this for me.”
She shrugs. “It’s nothin’. Blew into my face anyway. Hey–I didn’t catch your name?”
“Orpheus.”
“Eurydice. Go do your homework, Orpheus. See you around.”
“Okay, Eurydice, you too.” He waves back at her as he walks back to the elevator, and Eurydice tries to ignore the way hearing her name on his lips makes her feel.
When he turns the corner and leaves her sight, she shuts the door and immediately falls back against it, sliding to the floor with her face in her hands. 
Oh god.
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botls · 4 years
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seeing hadestown 9/29/19 - part one
under the cut is my take on act one of hadestown after seeing it. i didnt really do a play by play of what’s happening in every scene so this is kind of assuming that you have some previous knowledge of the show and focuses on on the cast and the little things they were doing. part 2 here. meeting the cast. meeting tlt cast. if you have more questions or are curious about anything else PLEASE come and ask me in my inbox or messages i could talk about this show for the rest of my life
road to hell:
andre came out and it was AMAZING he held the last note of road to hell for what felt like eight years and it was incredible and for the entire time eurydice and orpheus were STARING at each other with the most perfect awestruck looks on their faces and it was such an incredible shot i was like 🤧 already
during the music part eurydice and the fates all mimicked drumming against the drum box thing at the same time it was Cute
any way the wind blows:
when eurydice lit her candle and the third fate blew it out she whipped her head around to look at the fate who just kind of shook her head innocently like “it wasn’t me” and when eurydice turned back around to light it again she just smiled and shook her head at the crowd like “don’t blame me”
this happens a few times but for the first time at the beginning of this song the fates walk towards orpheus aggressively and he gets so scared and runs back and ouch the metaphor for him being afraid of his fate......no thank you
come home with me:
come home with me was so fucking cute reeve was ADORABLE
this entire song was Fantastic for like half of it orpheus and eurydice are sitting together on the table and orpheus’ little paper flower is so genuinely awful it’s kind of sad ajhsgsvska but it was cute they showed him working very hard on it over on the side of the stage
when eurydice says “oooh he’s crazy” it leaned MUCH more heavily on the side of “i get it now this man is legally insane why are we letting him walk around amongst us” with a much longer pause that included an intense stare between eurydice and hermes that made it even funnier than the obcr
the oh a liar and a player too line genuinely caused me to ascend its better in person than you could ever imagine genuinely out of this world and orpheus sounded SO nervous when he rushed out “ohnoimnotlikethat”
wedding song:
every time reeve or eva sang the word “trees” they like thrusted their hands up violently and so did the ensemble and it was so cute and funny and the part where the table comes up behind eva was so funny and different from london it was just kind of pushed up behind her and it seemed to startle eurydice and as she leaned back she just kind of had this “whatever i’ll go with it” face on but she was Alarmed lmao
eurydice was pushed by so many tables in this song omfg
i wanted to voice record it so bad but i kept forgetting bc i didn’t want to miss A Single Thing but this was the first song where i was really really like “i wish i had recorded this” eva’s voice was chefs kiss mwah and at one part where she sang table her voice was like. palpable and she was like rubbing her hands all over a table it was heavenly
after orpheus gives her the flower in this song she legitimately doesn’t let go of it for almost the entire first act like id always assumed that she put it in her hair or her pocket but she seriously clutches it like a lifeline for a significant part of the first act it was 🥺
epic 1:
it was so stunning nobody ever warned me that wedding song ended with orpheus on his knees and hermes was like interrogating orpheus about his song while orpheus was like holding on to eurydice to not fall bc he was awkwardly balanced and i honestly think that was just reeve and eva being reeve and eva and not being orphydice and it was so cute
the whole company follows orpheus with this song like wherever he walks or turns the whole company is turned towards him paying Attention
livin it up on top:
when persephone comes down with her bouquet of flowers she tosses them over her shoulder and timothy caught them and he looked so happy he spun around in one foot and smiled so wide at the audience before setting them down on the side it was precious
at the beginning of livin it up on top persephone gives eurydice her flask and eurydice smiles really wide and nods at persephone but when persephone turns around she just looks stressed like “wtf should i do with this now”
eurydice gets up and goes right to the side of persephone while persephone is singing and she looks like she’s waiting for something and you kind of assume that it’s to give back persephone’s flask but when persephone finally turns to her at the end of the verse eurydice rushes forward with the biggest smile and presents persephone with orpheus’ flower and persephone smiles so wide and takes it from her and puts it in her hair and it’s the first time eurydice doesn’t have the flower in her hand since she first got it and it’s such a tender and precious moment
right after putting the flower in her hair persephone put her arm around eurydice and when persephone said “some may say the weather ain’t the way it used to be” she turned to face eurydice and gave her a Pointed Look and eurydice literally turned to the audience and made this 😬 exact face i was peeing
when persephone was leaving the balcony she hugged hades from behind and kissed him on his cheek and then as she was leaving he sort of lifted his hand in a mini wave and she gave him the MOST disgusted look ever and waved her hand in what i can only describe as a “fuck off and go to hell” gesture
during orpheus’ toast everyone is pretty much on the platform aside from eurydice who is right in the middle of the stage beaming at him
at one part timothy picks up eva and literally like. throws her i was like eva is flying high rn omfg he literally made it look like she weighed nothing she probably doesn’t but like.
i was wow she does this in real life at one part and i felt so blessed to witness it
all i’ve ever known:
during the intro they are staring at each other and persephone walks to each of them and puts a comforting hand on them like a mom it was Soft
the all i’ve ever known choreo was softer in person than you would ever imagine
the part where eurydice is leaning back and it looks like orpheus is holding her? that we’ve all been talking about lately? this part? they actually start on opposite sides of the stage and eurydice starts to do The Lean and orpheus halls ass and RUNS to catch her before she falls it’s so cute
the whole time for eurydice’s verse orpheus keeps trying to hold her but she keeps him at arms distance and steps back every time she says “alone” or “lonely” but when she moves into the “but now i wanna told you part” she holds him SO tight she was like first grabbing his nonexistent boobs so hard that he was backing up then his suspenders then clutching his arms and finally his hands
during eurydice’s parts the background stage lighting is a soft purpley/pink and for orpheus’ it’s a vibrant blue and then when they sing together it’s a beautiful mix of both
the just music choreo part was magical eva did the lift kick and it was majestic in person she is a Wonder
after when they’re laying down you see them holding hands and the way she sits up literally?? looks like they’re laying in bed having the conversation it’s ?? captivating strangely
after eurydice sits up orpheus comes up to hug her from behind and there is this lovely gif set from it and she holds him so tight and it really is one of the softest parts of the whole show my heart was beating triple speed because eurydice really seems on the verge of tears and orpheus just HOLDS her
way down hadestown:
they are The Most Couple couple ever first of all. after all i’ve ever known they make out for like eight years i was like????? reeva needs to calm down
persephone’s dance was just as amazing in person as you’d imagine
her dress is SO vibrant in person like. the coloring in this show is so fantastic with eurydice and hades wearing the same color and persephone standing out with her green and orpheus’ clothes are more white than the ensemble’s so it stands out wonderfully
eurydice and orpheus got interrupted while making out by being scared to death by persephone yelling at them about hadestown it was so funny
eurydice goes to dance on the platform and she tries to get orpheus to come with her but he’s reluctant so she just pats his stool instead so he sits and she dances in front of him/talks to him/touches his arms and hair it’s adorable
during the pregnant pause when orpheus did his little move in front of eurydice thing he LEPT like a gazelle and landed on one foot that made such a SOUND everyone laughed
orphydice are standing at the front at the end when everyone is saying “way doooooown” and eurydice is staring at hades and persephone descending and orpheus has his arms around her from behind and when he sees her staring he looks at the audience with a scared look on his face
a gathering storm:
when she says “did you hear me” it’s really upbeat but when she turns around and he’s already gone to work she says “orpheus...?” really sad and dejectedly
after she says “okay finish it” she climbs up to the platform and wraps her arm around him and fucking KISSES HIS SHOULDER before leaving stage i was ??🥺?!🤧?💗?!?!????🥺
epic 2:
it’s really cool - a good set up to chant with orpheus’ song finally coming together and the workers in the background really Make the scene
chant 1:
i was not ready for this
you think you understand how good the lighting in the show is but you don’t until you see chant live don’t even get me started
during hades/persephone’s opening part the entire back wall is a orange/yellow and then for orpheus’ next part they turn their backs to the audience and the back lights turn blue and for all eurydice’s parts they’re the purple/pick like from all i’ve ever known again
when eurydice asks “is it finished” her and hermes are walking behind orpheus in that order and then she turns around to ask “is he always like this” and hermes just lifts up his arms to gesture and nod towards orpheus who has already made his way back to his stool and is writing and then it’s eurydice’s verse and she disappears off to the side again after
when hermes says “orpheus? orpheus?” i had always imagined him trying to get orpheus’ attention but in actuality he’s trying to find him - for the first “orpheus?” he’s looking in the opposite direction off stage and then for the second one he’s looking up and then orpheus catches his eye and he turns to him and starts walking while shaking his head to say “poor boy working on a song” and it seems like he’s going to try and warn/help orpheus but then he seems to cave in after saying “look up” and he decides to just walk away like he’s giving up on stopping orpheus
which - if you go by the “hermes remembers the loop” theory can be read as he knows there isn’t any point to trying to stop him but he has to give it at least a shot
eurydice fights HARD for her bag and jacket it takes like three tries for the fates to take it out of her grip and it’s just as heartbreaking as you think to watch her fall i cried
for the rest of the song eurydice tries so hard to keep walking but she’s clearly freezing and keeps falling and she looks like she’s one of the workers at some parts
hey little songbird:
during this song eurydice is SO SAD the second that hades starts shitting on orpheus and saying he’s a penniless poet she turns to the audience with pouty lips and eyes and they don’t leave for the rest of the song it was Sad
for the beginning of the song she’s just more wary but curious but after that she genuinely just looks heartbroken it was soooooo heart wrenching
i think eva actually was crying too during this song and it was hard to tell at first but she was def crying by gone
at the beginning the three fates seem to be talking amongst themselves but at the first three isolated notes they turn to watch eurydice
when she says “weren’t we birds of a feather” she holds the flower out in front of her and looks at her really sadly
hades nods to the fates during “vipers and vultures” and at the piano group of three notes at the end in the higher key right after he says “they’ll pick you clean“ they smile and wave all innocently it’s so funny
when the chips are down:
the fates choreo was FANTASTICCC i cant even explain they were on fireeeee
when they’re trying to convince eurydice she has her hands squeezed against her ears and falls to the ground at one point
i forget exactly what song it was (i think this one but like i said it’s kind of unclear) but at one point eva dropped the flower and i have no clue if it was purposeful or accidental (i was leaning towards accidental) but she snatched it up so quick and gave a dirty look to the fates like warning them to stay away from it
when eurydice says “oh my aching heart” she looks forward at the audience but clutches the flower to her heart
gone i’m gone:
everyone jumped at the train whistles lmao they were LOUD tho
right after eurydice gives her tickets she puts her hands over her mouth like she can’t believe it and they stay there as she goes down
at this point i forget when exactly it happened but the flower had been out of her hair and she was back to holding it
when eurydice was disappearing after she left and the stage was dark hermes fucking picks up the candle he took from her in the beginnning and BLOWS IT OUT ????? FUCKING NOOO
wait for me:
the intro was sooooo sad the flower stood out so well against the ground
after hermes asks if orpheus has a ticket instead of sounding dejected like in the soundtrack orpheus sounds more affronted like “wha-no?!”
hermes picks up the flower and holds it over orpheus’ heart while he says “if you got the heart” and orpheus takes it and holds it for the rest of the time - mimicking eurydice clutching it for the entire beginning
i was seriously concerned about the lamps hitting his head. i don’t know how it doesn’t happen more often and honestly i totally understand that time it did bc i was like ??? how is he avoiding all these giant swinging lamps rn like he was ducking under them diving out of the way lmao well done reeve
during wait for me at one part the stage isn’t rotating so reeve is just running furiously in place and it’s so fucking funny like. he literally looks like a stressed cartoon character or something
the stage was splitting into three to represent his descent into hadestown during it and the fates were each on a part with their lanterns and looking around alarmed at each other like “wtf is happening. how is he doing this. mom come pick me up i’m scared”
why we build the wall:
even more powerful live. it was my favorite song for a long time and it didn’t disappoint
at the beginning when hades and persephone enter the stage from opposite sides persephone is walking a lot faster like “let’s get this over with” vibes and hades is walking more slow and purposefully
eurydice doesn’t join in until the very end when she turns to the front and puts her hand up like everyone else and sings the last line of the song
hermes and persephone look like they would rather be doing anything else in the world than singing this song rip
when eurydice is about to go up to sign the papers she makes eye contact with persephone who gives her a Look and eurydice just slightly raises her arms in like a “calm down” gesture lmao it was kind of funny but then persephone sadly turns away and shakes her head so it got real sad real quick
during intermission i was the very last row of the orchestra so there was a lot of commotion behind me and i heard someone ask “where’s the women’s room” and a random guy points to the line and says “follow the road to hell” i was cackling
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stillness-in-green · 5 years
Text
Salt-Sweet Curse (5/?)
The backstory drops.  (Also, it’s a good thing they’re both immortal, otherwise letting Toga drive would probably be what we’d call a bad idea.)  
They fled west out of Kyoto, avoiding at Shigaraki’s insistence any of the major roads.  The stolen car (and the body in the fields outside the city) might attract some attention eventually, but it was better than being on foot, even if Toga’s knowledge of driving was closer to a memory of having seen it done than anything resembling practical experience.  
Shigaraki sat hunched down in his seat, hood up, stewing in his thoughts while Toga jerkily got the hang of braking and acceleration.  She left him to the brooding, sometimes concentrating on the drive, but more often keeping up a stream of chatter that required no input from him whatsoever.  
He stared out the window, thoughts a black tangle of doubt and dread.  
It wasn’t the first time he’d had his life—if you could call what he had now a life—saved by someone. It wasn’t even the first time someone had saved him from All for One.  But this time felt different, somehow.  Like it was more than some spirit’s whim, or a would-be good Samaritan act.  Like Toga had been with him long enough to know he wouldn’t have done the same for her if their positions had been reversed.  She had to have seen him try to run, had to know that if he could have, he would have, no hesitation.  
She should have known better than to think I was worth it.  She should have known better than to risk him.  But how’s she supposed to know that when I’ve just been fucking around with question and answer games instead of telling her?  
What the hell am I even supposed to tell her?  Dammit. Goddammit.  
The pain at his neck was distant, a sensation so familiar he might as well have been born with it, his violent scratching rote as a habit and ineffectual as an overused drug.  He didn’t even realize he was doing it until Toga reached over and lay her hand over his.  She’d gone silent, eyes narrowed, and when his hand went just a little slack with surprise, she interlocked them all the tighter, fingertips pressed against his palm, her other hand tight on the wheel.  
“…If you want to talk about it, I’ll shut up for a while and let you,” she said at last.  
I’ve never seen her like this before, he realized, the thought numb, an observation more than a realization.  He huffed out a breath, a poor approximation of his usual disdain.  He turned away from her, pulling his legs up into the seat.
“Concentrate on driving,” he whispered.  
She patted him on the shoulder before pulling back her hand, but she didn’t go back to talking.  The silence rolled out like the road, bright and empty and damning.
He closed his eyes—licked his lips, curled in on himself tighter.  
And then he told her everything.  
---   ---        ---   ---          ---          ---   ---        ---   ---        
He found me a few years after I first turned.  There’s not much that’s coincidence with him, but I think that was.  He used to have a manor down on the Inland Sea—maybe he still does.  He likes being able to transform back and forth, so he lives in places that make it easy.  
I hardly knew anything about what I was back then.  He took me in.  Told me he could teach me what I needed to know about—all this.
He’s a criminal. He always has been.  I didn’t care about that—the whole world’s full of criminals, and most of them are running the place.  I just knew at least he wasn’t going to up and die on me.  
I lived with him for a long time.  He used to say he liked having a protégé around.  I don’t know what he even thought he was going to do with me, once he’d decided I’d learned enough.  Maybe try to post me somewhere, expand his influence.  
But then we found out…
Your camouflage thing—the way you change after you do the whole blood-drinking bit.  I can’t do that.  He can’t, either.  That’s just you.  Everyone with this curse has something like that, and they’re all different.  His is his healing.  We all heal, but his is on a different level.  His willpower—no, his sense of self, it’s…  
Eat something’s heart and you gain its power—there’s lots of stories that say that kind of thing.  But him, his power, it…  He can extend his consciousness into people when they drink his blood.  It drives everyone who does crazy in the end.  They always feel like they’re being watched—because they are.  And there’s nothing they can do to get rid of it, to make it stop.  I once watched someone put his head down and run straight into a wall to make it stop.  
…No.  The mermaid curse doesn’t always take with him.  I don’t know why.  His blood’s too greedy to give up its power or something.  
He used to have an enemy, a long time before he met me.  I don’t even know long ago—ancient Japan, maybe.  He never told me who it was; he gets a kick out of being the only one in the room who knows things.  He used to say that an enemy’s not really defeated until no one but you can remember them anymore.
He fought whoever it was for decades.  And the enemy finally beat him—put a sword through his gut and carved out his heart with their bare hands.  They’d tried sealing it, they’d tried burning it, and he always came back from that.  So that time they tried eating it.  
Three days later, he opened his eyes inside his enemy’s own body.  He walked out of his enemy’s house and watched their servants burn his old body. It’d stopped healing, there wasn’t anything left in it—he said it went up like dry paper.  
He’s changed bodies lots of times since then.  There’s all kinds of ways you can get someone to eat your heart, if you lay the groundwork right.  
---   ---        ---   ---          ---          ---   ---        ---   ---      
“So what’s he want with you?” Toga asked, eyes on the road.  
“My power,” Shigaraki answered, empty-voiced, watching telephone poles roll by outside.  “…I don’t have to eat.  He doesn’t, either, not really.  Same as you.  But for you two, if you tried to go for too long without, your bodies would eventually shut down.  You wouldn’t die, since we can’t die, but you’d gradually stop being able to move, even being able to stay awake.”  
It had been another tactic one of Sensei’s enemies had tried, this time when Shigaraki had been with him—still as Tenko back then.  They’d been captured and separated, split up and kept in separate cells, ofuda and clippings from sacred trees hanging up in every corner.  It had gone on for almost half a year; the world Tenko could see outside the tiny slit near the ceiling had turned, slowly, from spring to fall.  
“That doesn’t happen to me. If I don’t eat, I just get used to being hungry.  It doesn’t knock me out.”  
He’d probably gone mostly crazy, feral with first the hunger, then the loneliness.  His memories from back then were some of his patchiest. But then Sensei had come, finally, a satisfied smile on his lips, along with a story about a kind but foolish new housemaid.  
They’d set the enemy’s estate on fire and watched, afterward, from the top of the road as it burned to the ground, all its exits sealed.  And Sensei, breathing in deeply of the smoke and the screams on the wind, had asked Tenko in a cheerful voice who he’d charmed so, that they’d kept feeding him that whole time.
And Tenko—stupid, naïve idiot Tenko—told him that no one had fed him, not once the whole time. Why?  Sensei, were they starving you too?!  
He could still remember the furious indignation in his own voice.  That and the thoughtful look in Sensei’s eyes as they made the long journey home.  
The outside deck, floorboards shining.  The ocean wind teasing salt through his hair.  The far-off screams of the gulls.  Sensei, talking to a servitor on the other side of the door. 
“He will be the next ‘me’.”
Shigaraki bit his tongue against the memory, tasting the salt-iron bitterness of his blood.  “He absorbs the powers of bodies he steals. He wants mine.”  He spat the blood out, a brief dark patch against his jacket that faded quickly into the black.  “One less weakness to spend eternity with.”  
“So you ran away?”  
“Yeah.  Since, before you ask, no, it’s not a viable way of killing myself.”  
He’d run away that very night.  Back then, he still hadn’t been ready to die, but even now…
All for One cried in his sleep.  He wept, sometimes cried out, slurred words in accents different from the one he spoke with in waking hours.  It wasn’t him, wasn’t Sensei, doing the crying; that realization, when it came, had prickled Shigaraki’s skin and twisted his stomach with disquiet.  
Those people that cried in the night were the bodies’ original owners.  They were still watching from behind their own eyes, like the people that Sensei’s blood drove mad, but for years on years, decades on decades, and not even able to escape into death like the others, not until he was finished with them.  
I just wanna die. What he wants to do to me is so much worse.
“Ew.”  Toga’s nose wrinkled.  “I wasn’t gonna ask that; I don’t want you to die, Shikkun.”  
Shigaraki stiffened in his seat at the words, the familiarity.  So easily…  
The silence bloomed back into the car like dye spreading through a glass of water.  His heart hurt.  He curled in on himself again, turning away.  It hurt, and he was so tired of all of this bullshit, and now there was Toga, and she was still so young that she could say things like that, not even knowing that words like those were worse than her knives.  
And unlike him, Toga had to eat, which meant more of a trail.  And All for One had seen her now.  He had a whole other face to track.  
A whole other…
“Toga,” he said into his elbow.  
“Yeah?”  
“Find us a gas station. We need to get a roadmap.”
---   ---        ---   ---          ---          ---   ---        ---   ---      
I'm not going to say that All for One's enemy was All Might, and taking that enemy's body turned All for One into a horrible funhouse mirror of One for All, moving from body to body and absorbing strength as he goes, yet never losing his own malicious will? But I'm not not going to say it, either. *AU jazz hands*
As for Shigaraki, Decay is frankly too OP for this story, which features only sporadically useful supernatural weirdness rather than cool superheroic powers. I still wanted him to have something that tied him to his canon self, though, so I went with a twist on the superhuman levels of endurance that Shigaraki's displaying in the most recent arc of the manga.
I’m nearing the end of the big gotta-write-it-now ideas I had for this AU of @codenamesazanka’s when I first started.  Here’s hoping I can still write my way to an ending!  
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lunartearrose · 5 years
Text
Ok... im gonna be serious for a sec here...
Its so tiring to see so much drama in fandom spaces
Like first there's the fact that hey, people have to fucking stop obsessing over people, digging, stalking, doing all this shit to people who don't deserve it. Do your own research, know your facts, and know when to quit. Its almost like people get pleasure from drudging up muck on others and its sickening. Block, move on. I'd understand if there was a huge, major issue, but especially if you've got your facts wrong you're only ruining the day of another human being over and over. The block button is easy and free. It pays to distance.
Like seriously some of y'all are staight up stalking people like you're out for blood, stalking twitter handles, screening twitters and tumblrs and hell even more personal places and where blogs have gone when ive never even seen proof of any claims prior. Many others havent either and even worse some blindly follow. Its not funny or cute or a spiritual duty to oggle at these individuals this is just horrible and if you really, honestly get joy from driving people away even after they correct their problematic behaviors or follow your tips because they were non the wiser on a subject, there's something wrong with you. If you're obsessive like that, with a non forgiving never forgetting policy, just don't even interract. Re-evaluate what you're doing here. People grow and change and its ignorant not to believe that. If people never changed, we wouldnt be where we are as a world.
And second, the drama of bringing it up over and fuckinng over again. Neverending. I thought ive seen the last of the talk of this person but hey!! Here it is again! Right in my face! This gets so tiring and i can speak from experience when i say drama over something as a fandom, ship, headcanon or whatever just makes people lose interest.
It disheartens it disgusts after a while even until theres so much bombshells to have to watch after that, and you feel you can barely move. There's probably other people that feel this too who are more watchers, and even if you are/think you're doing good by spreading info there's a point where it goes to be too much. You drive people away, it makes nobody wanna have a say or interract. I personally have dropped interest in many a thing for this reason. This person's bad, that's cringe, that's not correct even if it the majority headcanon isn't real, incorrect even if the headcanon is rare! Like seriously, unwind. You can dream and like all you want! Just don't start shit or start lying about other people because they disagree! This or that, that or the other thing, it makes me wanna roll up a paper and smack you very gently on the head because, im angry, but im not violent! Its just so much endless back and fourth because nobody can let go, and people try to drag it out and just aah, how do you still listen to yourselves type? Speak? How are you not tired of an endless debate that you keep going back to?
Look, i used to kind of be that way with ships. I used to hate a popular, nonproblematic few for no reason other than i didn't like the chemistry of it, or it made me think of bad things personal to myself, and i used to bash. But someone who is currently like one of my best friends pulled my head outta my ass and was like hey! Thats not cool! Chill! And over time, with their help, in some ways, i unwound and saw that what i made myself hate wasn't bad. It was chill, and now if they asked me for a doodle of something they liked cuz they were down I'd do it woth a smile. People are as numerous and varying as stars in the sky, and nobody will think exactly like you do, so don't try to snuff them out or change them if they don't want to. Informing and forcing are two different things, with a very fine and defined line between.
Ships and headcanons that are good are good. Popular ones are fine, so is straight, so is gay, bi, lesbian, trans, polly, platonic, rarepairs, crossovers, tasteful ocs, not really going with theme or order, those are what i talk about when i say its fine to like and let people like! If you have comprehensive skill and know what im saying and arent gonna be like, "ah, so you advocate for *insert horrible thing i obviously never meant*!!! Disgusting for shame!" Then you must understand!
I guess, the TLDR here would be this: Unwind. Take a breath, try please try to get along with someone, don't spread hate, see things from their perspective and if someone bothers you, and they aren't actively advocating for disgusting things and nothing can br proven but you still have that urk, please. For your and everyone's sake. Look at the block button. Press it. Breathe. I swear, things will be so much better if you just let yourself have peace. It's a simple act of pure self love.
Otherwise, you're only sitting there, endlessly trying to get fleeting enjoyment from meaningless, hurting drama. And nobody wants that suffocation in the end.
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jungblue · 6 years
Text
mixtape (m)
pairing: min yoongi x reader 
genre: smut, fluff, comedy / college, podcast personality au
word count: 15,610
description: Two mystery students from your college run the podcast dubbed ‘mixtape.’ It’s become a sort of phenomenon around campus, listened to by almost everyone. In their most recent episode they discussed various study methods... One of them being oh so tempting.
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“This week’s topic is—” Sugar started, of course only to be swiftly interrupted by the second half of the two-man show podcast that had sort of gone viral around your college campus.
But regardless of being cut short, the metallic nature of his voice still managed to worm its way directly into your chest, where it festered into something so captivating that you couldn’t help but sigh. It was cool to the touch as the syllables of his chosen words sent an intrusion of goosebumps along your arms and thighs. It had a certain gravel, a deepness that you could sometimes feel in the pit of your belly if you listened to him long enough with your eyes closed. However, more times than not, the grit would be severed with a vibrant laugh that rang so sweetly that you could feel it clamoring around your heart with giddiness on its heels.
“—Studying! So sexy, right?” Jay interjected mid-sentence, something that anyone who listened to their weekly episodes would quickly learn is a norm.
However, there were times of course where Sugar was allowed the courtesy of going off on long tangents without his friend’s interruption, and in those moments his voice was hypnotic, if you had to put it simply. It tugged you beneath the current of concentration until you were pressing the volume button on your phone to raise his vocals higher. The small hitch of his breath, or exhale against the mic when he would sigh due to the topic at hand, they made you lean in closer to the invisible man on the other side of the pre-recorded audio that filtered through your headphones.
“Another Jay-led interruption here on mixtape, wow how shocking?” Sugar deadpanned, his sarcasm making you grin to yourself in amusement.
“He loves me guys, don’t let him fool you just because he likes to act all cool and stoic while recording. He’s a big softie, honestly.”
“Really? I’m the softie? Who was the one I found crying on their couch the other day because Bridge to Tera-fucking-bithia was on TV?”
“Oh, you really wanna go there?” Jay scoffed, a comeback already settling on his tongue. After all, this sort of playful banter, along with their personality dynamic was the main reason that the podcast worked so well. Because really it was just half an hour of them going on tangents and talking shit to each other. “You cried for hours over that fucking sports anime, Ace of some shit. I had to buy you like three pizzas just to calm your ass down — which you never Venmo’d me back for… Just sayin’.”
“First of all, it’s Ace of Diamond, asshole, and you didn’t play sports in high school so you just don’t get it. Their pain and suffering, the loss, the goddamn character development. It’s just — okay, never mind I’m not getting into this with you because honestly I’m getting a bit teary-eyed thinking about it again.”
They both snorted in laughter over the microphone, and you couldn’t help but do the same because it was honestly infectious. Their conversations were always so natural and funny.
“Okay now that we’re done talking about shit that makes us cry, are you ready to get into this week’s topic that you so rudely interrupted the introduction of?” Sugar asked after they both came down from the high of their breathless amusement.
“I mean it’s studying, dude. Can you blame me? I’m just gonna tell everyone that I really wanted to avoid this topic at all cost, but Sugar here just wouldn’t budge. So if you use our voices as a monotonous background for your descent into sleep tonight, I legit won’t blame you.”
“Nothing is monotonous when it comes to you, so let’s not lie. This is a podcast of integrity dammit.” You heard the playful slam of Sugar’s palm against whatever surface they were presumably sitting at. You giggled slightly at his sliver of humor until he continued. “But really, even though it isn’t the most exciting topic ever, this is still a college podcast, and Jay and I need to cover all of our bases, so you just gotta bear with us. But as a special treat for suffering through my tips and tricks, next week’s episode is gonna be one that I’m sure you were all expecting eventually—”
“—College sex life! That’s right, my friends, we’re gonna get all down in that bow chicka wow wow nitty gritty—”
“I hate you so much,” Sugar said, but you could definitely hear the way his voice shook with laughter at Jay’s ridiculous commentary. That was another reason his voice enticed you so much. It was just really raw, always managing to convey the smile, annoyance, distraction, or frustration that no doubt laced his expression. It was funny, you had absolutely no idea as to what the appearance of your favorite podcast personality was, yet you still managed to picture him inside of your head as he spoke with each and every emotion that his weekly episodes brought him and his lively counterpart to. The curl of his lip or roll of his eyes somehow manifested themselves in your thoughts so vividly. “You sound like such a fratty douche, maybe you wanna reel it in a bit?”
“Well I am fratty, but not the douche kind.”
“Debatable, but admittedly sometimes I do forget that you’re part of Delta Delta Dickhead.”
“Fuck you.”
“That’s next week’s topic, sorry for the wait.”
“Ohhh nice segue, dude. But you’re still an asshole. Anyways yeah, next week’s gonna be a lot of fun, you’ll get to hear all about Sugar’s freshman year filled with pointless Tinder dates and chlamydia surprises — so, so much fun.” It seemed that you and Sugar sputtered violently in surprise at the sudden proclamation.
“Really? You’re gonna rub freshman year fuck-ups in my face?”
“That’s what friends are for.”
“You mean shitty friends,” Sugar proposed.
“Tomato, tomato,” Jay replied by saying the words in the exact same way, with what seemed like a shrug.
“That’s… Not even how the saying — okay, whatever. Moving on. Studying. What’re your tips, and don’t you dare say things about not cramming or waiting until the last minute. Nobody wants to hear that Harvard shit.”
“Don’t be mean, kids from Harvard might listen to this.”
“I mean it was a compliment more than anything. Their time management skills are just alien to me. But the bigger point here is that if there’s anyone from Harvard listening to this podcast please make me the CFO or something if you end up creating the next Facebook or whatever. Just don’t screw me over like Eduardo. I saw The Social Network, buddy,” Sugar warned as he moved in closer to the mic it seemed.
“Great movie.”
“Fucking fantastic movie.”
“No biases whatsoever.”
“Of course, they would never.”
“But anyways, so my studying tips,” Jay paused for a moment, already sighing. “See this is why I didn’t wanna do this topic. Nothing is fun about studying. How can I even make this interesting?”
“Guess you’re just not as creative as me,” Sugar replied, most certainly smirking as he did so.
“Okay, big shot, you go then. What’s your tip?”
There was a small pause before he answered, and it made your breath hitch a little. “Well, it’s a bit not safe for work.”
“You’re lying,” Jay exclaimed immediately. “What the hell kind of studying are you doing? Studying pussy, maybe. Not fucking physics.”
“Well you’re not wrong, I mean on my part at least. But it can definitely be applied whatever way you want, depending on who needs to study.”
You felt yourself sit up straighter against your headboard, slightly (or very) intrigued by whatever this studying tip was.
“Okay, just spill already. Now you’ve got me interested. If this is any good I’m actually gonna be pissed that you didn’t tell me sooner.”
“You’ll live,” Sugar laughed. “But the only thing you’ll need is flash cards.”
“Oh my god, wow I’m getting so hard just thinking about those flexible paper rectangles. Mhm, oh yeah.”
“I’m ignoring you. Anyway, once you have the flash cards you’ll have to find yourself a consensual study partner who’s in the mood to go down on you—”
“What the fuck? That took a turn. I mean a good turn, but still,” Jay interrupted for unsurprisingly the millionth time, and so Sugar simply continued without acknowledging the outburst.
“Once you have the agreement set up, it’s pretty straight forward. Get your stack of flashcards with everything that you need to know for that exam, and for every one that you get right you get some of that sweet, lovely oral stimulation, and for every one that you get wrong you obviously get nothing. Or you could always be mean and push the incentive higher by saying you get nothing for the next five or so cards if you get one wrong. But yeah that is my studying tip.”
You felt your tongue almost involuntarily run along the top of your teeth. There was even a slight flare of pressure in your lower stomach as you imagined the idea of participating in the scenario that you wish you had heard of sooner. Maybe you needed to pick up some flashcards…
“Wait, wait, wait,” Jay finally said after a pause that you chalked off as astonishment. “Dude, that’s… That’s fucking genius. You should’ve written that on a blimp and gotten it flown over campus. Like… Sex and productivity, now that is revolutionary.”
Sugar simply snorted in response. “Okay, it’s not that crazy. I’m definitely not the first person to do it. But I thought I would share for all the unknowing parties out there. So yeah, if you’re gonna have sex, might as well study for bio or whatever while you’re at it.”
“Okay real question though,” Jay suddenly asked, curiosity brimming. “So you’ve actually done this before, right?”
“Obviously, I wouldn’t recommend it if I hadn’t,” He responded simply.
“So obviously the most important question is… Did they pass the test?”
Oh yeah, that was sort of the important part, wasn’t it? That the sex wouldn’t be so distracting that your productiveness wilted because of it. So with that in mind, you waited carefully to hear Sugar’s answer.
“Dude, okay so this might sound like I’m bragging, but I promise it’s just the truth. Every time I’ve done it,” He paused for a second, building the anticipation. “They set the fucking curve.”
You felt your blood spike instantly, and then you had to accept the fact that you just got the tiniest bit turned on by the idea of good grades. What the hell was wrong with you?
“Shut the fuck up. You’ve gotta be lying. I don’t’ believe you. I refuse to believe you, dude.” You could tell that Jay was smiling through his disbelief, even if his words were skeptical.
“I swear. No bullshit. One-hundred percent, all of them.”
“What… the fuck? I don’t know if I should believe you, but to save us from arguing until the end of time on the episode I’m just gonna go with it for now. But like, wow… Oral and studying, who knew?”
“I promise I’m not lying, but yeah try it out guys. Flashcards are sold at your local Wal-mart, Staples, and just about everywhere else you could possibly think of.”
“Yeah, might be kind of weird though. If someone’s about to go down on you, and you’re just like, uhm hey can you read these flashcards to me in this weird study tactic I learned off of a podcast,” He laughed, and yeah you had to agree. It sounds nice in theory, but actually asking someone to do it might be a tad awkward.
“Just put it in the bio of your Tinder profile. ‘Just looking for someone to do the mixtape flashcard study tip with.’ If they get it and are interested, then there you go.”
“First message: You got the flashcards?”
You snickered at the idea, as did the two boys in your headphones.
“Yeah, you’re definitely not getting a reply with a lead-off question like that.”
“Definitely not. I don’t care if you look like KJ Apa, you’re not getting a response.”
“Who’s that?”
“Archie from Riverdale.”
Sugar hummed in response. “Haven’t seen it. It’s that CW show, right?”
“Yes, and oh my god, I can’t believe we’re friends. It’s so good. Like the dialogue is kind of ehh, but the actual story is addicting.”
“Wow, sorry I didn’t take you for someone that would enjoy CW shows.”
“Fuck off, Gossip Girl transcends time and space.”
“You’re in a frat, of course you’d like that boujee shit,” He quipped playfully.
“Not true. I had a girlfriend in high school who watched it, and like… dude before you know it you’re invested and crying that Serena gets everything that Blair wants in life. It’s fucked up.”
You smiled, partly due to your own enjoyment of the teen-socialite drama, but also because of Sugar’s laughter that he was clearly trying to stifle. “Good to know,” He ended up saying with light traces of humor still managing to catch his words. “But what were we even talking about? Study tips? Yeah, so—”
“Dude!” Jay suddenly exclaimed, making you jump slightly.
“Fuck, don’t yell. What is it?” Sugar replied with a hint of irritation.
“They’re giving out free milkshakes and t-shirts at the quad.”
Sugar sighed, because just like you they were college students, and who in their right mind could pass up free stuff on that type of budget. You certainly hadn’t when you had heard about it yesterday, when the duo seemed to have recorded this week’s episode. “Right in front of my fucking podcast, really?”
“Sorry, no post-coital cuddling this week. Gotta run, and I’m sure by the time all of you hear this you’ll have gotten your milkshakes and shirts too, so no hard feelings?”
“Yup, so until next time I’m Sugar.”
“And I’m Jay. Don’t run the on-campus store out of flashcards while we’re gone, you filthy animals. Or totally do because that would be hilarious.”
“Christ, milkshakes are running out. Let’s go.”
The podcast ended with that, Sugar abruptly demanding to quicken the pace in the name of free milkshakes. You don’t know why but the pure relatability of it made you smile, even if just the tiniest bit. You reached up, pulling the headphones out of your ears before lying flat against your bed.
Today had been a rather stressful one with studying for your upcoming anatomy test. It was more information than you could ever hope to cram into your head with the small frame of time until the actual exam. But even with that looming thought eating at the back of your mind, you still felt a lightness in your chest, and you knew what it was because of.
You weren’t sure what it was about them specifically. Their personalities most certainly, their dynamic as friends, the side-tangents they would go off into about The Social Network and Gossip Girl, or the fact that they would stop mid-podcast to high-tail it to the quad for free shit. But it helped to distract you, even if it was only for a little while, away from the stresses that your own life faced. It was strange, that two random guys that went to your college and did a weekly podcast, were able to make your day just the tiniest bit less suffocating. You didn’t know what they looked like or even what their real names were, but somehow it just felt like you could take a breather for the amount of time that you listened to them banter.
But most certainly the strangest thing was the fact that you had developed a weird… Crush? Yeah, that was probably the only word for it. You had developed some strange… feelings towards the guy who used the alias Sugar. It was odd, that over the months of listening to him speak, his characteristics coming through more and more, you just found something about him so alluring. His voice, personality, ideals, sense of humor, just everything pulled you in, only for you to sadly realize that you had no idea who he even was. You didn’t even know his damn name. That was honestly what you wanted to know the most. Of course, you would love to know what he looked like so you could put a face to the voice, but having his name, there was just something more personal about that.
You could feel yourself drifting with that thought. Names scattered around inside of your head. None of them feeling right as you tried to tie it to the voice you had become so attached to over the past several months. Your eyes closed, the deep grip of sleep pulling you farther from consciousness.
You wish you could say that you had gotten to stay like that for a while, peacefully napping, thinking about the mysterious podcast personality, but you got maybe an hour in before your phone started ringing violently from where you had dropped it on the bed after finishing the podcast.
“Fuck,” You mumbled to yourself, voice scratchy as you blindly reached for the device, only vaguely looking at who the caller was before swiping to answer it. “Yes?”
“Someone sounds tired,” Jimin said, sounding slightly amused with your groggy state.
“Yeah, I was napping, you ass.”
“Well I have an important question,” He replied, ignoring the insult. But Jimin had been your best friend for years, so you were both used to the banter by now.
“Better be a million-dollar question.”
He let out a tiny laugh before replying. “Oh, I know you’ll be interested. Did you listen to the new mixtape episode yet?”
You felt yourself wake-up slightly, just at the mention of it. “Yes, I have.”
“Good,” Jimin said plainly, as if he had already known your answer. Which of course he had because he knows you always stop everything and listen the second a mixtape episode drops.
“Why?” You asked, but this was Jimin, your best friend, and so you weren’t at all that surprised by his response.
“Let’s go get some flashcards.”
﹍﹎ ﹍﹎ ﹍﹎
It had been four days since the episode that had caused, what a good portion of your college-campus deemed as ‘flashcard frenzy,’ had dropped. The bookstore, nearby Wal-Marts and office supply chains were suddenly selling flashcards at an alarming rate, so much so that they moved displays of them to the front just for easy access. It was quite honestly the most hilarious phenomenon you had ever witnessed. Too bad you had yet to try the study tip.
Your test was already so close, and you didn’t have time to play around with the idea. You needed to pass, you needed an A, you needed to set the goddamn curve, you apparently needed fucking Sugar between your legs. Christ, what was wrong with you? You didn’t even know the guy. Not his name, face, anything.
But beside that fact, your mind was coursing with stress and possibly every shred of knowledge you could have about anatomy without knowing the important details, and it was beginning to take its toll on you. You could barely keep your eyes open in your other classes today and not even Jimin coming by to cheer you up with food helped. But regardless of that you needed to at least try and study some more, which is why you were currently wandering the library in search of an open table. However, it somehow seemed that every person enrolled in your school had a test coming up because all of the tables were packed, not a spare seat in sight.
“Why, why, why?” You mumbled to yourself as you continued to pass table after table that held zero vacancies.
It was loud on the first floor of the library, as it was mostly used for group studying, or just people who disliked pure silence. You were the latter, unable to concentrate in the cold atmosphere where a sudden cough, or someone rummaging through their backpack could send your focus off the rails. You much preferred a constant stream of noise.
You made your way through the entirety of the first floor with no luck in finding a table to study at, and you were close to giving up and going to the on-campus Starbucks because it never failed to be noisy in there, but then in the corner of your eye you caught sight of a table with a free chair. You breathed a sigh of relief too soon however, because you quickly realized that there was someone sitting on the opposite side of the relatively tiny table compared to the rest in the library.
Normally you would’ve tried to search around a bit more, because you didn’t like feeling as if you were invading someone’s personal space, but knowing how packed out the building was, you knew this was as good as it was going to get. So you tentatively began your strides forward until you were approaching the table, the stranger’s hair hanging down over his eyes as he stared at a textbook.
You internally raised your pitch into a politer tone. “Uhm, hi. Is anyone sitting here?”
In hindsight, you probably should’ve known the second his beanie-clad head lifted, sending a sudden swirl of something hot to the pit of your stomach, that it was a pretty obvious sign that you were beyond fucked. His feline eyes met yours, seemingly cold at first glance, barely covered by his fringe from beneath his hat. You felt yourself gulp slightly, breath stalling just by a fraction as the question you had asked him approximately three seconds prior started to fade. So much so, that when he answered with a kind and polite, “no there isn’t, you can take it,” you kept standing and staring at him like an idiot before you registered the words moments later, and with ample amounts of clumsiness finally took the seat across from him.
“Thank you,” You mumbled, slightly embarrassed of your less than stealth gawking. You thought you even managed to catch an amused smile tracing the stranger’s lips as you snuck another glance, only causing another wave of heat to streamline its way to your face.
You tried to keep your head down as much as possible as you pulled your laptop, papers, and… flashcards, from you backpack, in order to cut down on the chances of accidently staring at your tablemate again. However, this proved more difficult than expected. Your eyes almost forcibly prying themselves from the mess of your studies to catch a glance at the way he was leaning his temple against the capped end of his pen. You found the gesture cute for some reason, especially as he began to tap it against his skin, presumably as he thought through whatever he was working on. Curiosity seized you further as you slid your sights downwards to the textbook sitting before the stranger. Even upside down you could tell that the cover read ‘Calculus’ in bold letters, with several equations that you had forgotten long ago in high school, branching out as a decoration of sorts.
Math, definitely not your strong suit. But really you weren’t sure if you even had what you could call a strong suit in any subject… Especially as you finally returned your eyes to your own belongings, the power points glaring off of your computer screen and a high stack of flash cards sitting so dauntingly before you.
You sighed deeply as you tried to further arrange your side of things on the small table, the reluctance to get started pitted its way deep into the recesses of your procrastination-geared brain. It was in this flurry of trying to figure out where you should even start, that you noticed the low-battery of your laptop. You quickly pulled out the charger from your backpack, already moving to lean underneath the table when you realized that the outlet was in fact right next to the boy in front of you. You paused, realizing that there was no way to get to it without asking him to plug it in for you. You had barely been able to ask for a seat without stuttering and staring like an idiot, so it looked to be time for round-two of making yourself look like a fool in front of unreasonably cute guys.
You inhaled, preparing your pitch to be a bit higher, “Hi, sorry to bother you again,” You began, voice drenched with that robotic politeness that people tended to reserve for strangers. He immediately looked up, one headphone hanging haphazardly out of his ear, and again you felt a slight stutter oncoming. Goddammit, why were his lips so pouty? His eyes so… smoldering? “But, uhm, do you think you could plug this in for me?” You managed to finish, motioning towards the charger in your hand.
His blank expression shifted into something softer. “Yeah, no problem,” He answered simply as he reached across the table to take the cord from your hand.
“Thank you,” You replied as he leaned down to plug the charger into the wall.
You were expecting a return to silence after the short exchange, already pulling your headphones out of the middle pocket of your hoodie in fact, but it was the sudden resurgence of his voice that had you pausing.
“What’re you stressing over?” He asked, his voice a bit louder, a bit clearer, and for some very odd reason a bit… familiar? You weren’t quite sure of why this was, but his tone felt almost nostalgic for some reason. It sent a flooded rush through your chest as he somehow managed to illicit a strange sense of comfort around you. “Only been here for like five minutes and you already seem sort of done with it, y’know?” He was smiling as he finished his question, and wow did that only make your throat run dryer.
You watched the way his lips curved to one side in a sly sort of smile. It was the type of smile that seemed implicative even when it was totally innocent, the sideways grin of confident curiosity pulling on the nerves hiding deep within your belly.
“Anatomy,” You finally answered after staring a bit too long again. “Yeah… I’m sort of fucked.” You decided to answer bluntly, because really there was no point in fronting when the overwhelming anxiety could be seen clearly on your face.
“Definitely been there.” His smile reached his eyes at this, the gums of his teeth peeking through, which almost instantly transformed his grin into something less innately cocky and more so candy sweet. “And I mean like actually been there. I was a biomed major before I switched to engineering.” He raised his textbook to show off the cover filled with various math equations.
“Oh my god, did you pass? —Fuck, sorry you don’t have to answer that.” The question passed your lips before you could process that it might be a bit rude. But he simply laughed in response to your sudden exclamation.
“No, you’re good. But yeah, I passed. With an ‘A’ actually — not to brag.”
Your mouth dropped. “Seriously? How the hell? It’s so much information.”
“Just… Proper study motivation,” He chuckled, and you weren’t sure of what he meant until you saw his eyes dart towards your flashcards. He had only looked at them for maybe half a second at most, and yet the action suddenly had a rush of heat climbing up the back of your neck. You could tell from the slight smirk marking his lips that he knew exactly what he had done, and it only made your face grow warmer. However, thankfully it didn’t seem as if he was expecting you to answer because he immediately changed the subject. “But really it’s not as hard as it seems. You just have to know how to compartmentalize everything, so it’s not so overwhelming.”
How the hell was he going to go from insinuating that you just needed some oral motivation to compartmentalization is key? But not that you were complaining… Especially if he was insulating himself.
However, you were still a bit flustered, so your response came out a bit stuttered. “Uhm y-yeah, easier said than done.”
He seemed to enjoy this reaction from you though. He bit at his lip slightly as he smiled, clearly in amusement form your response.
“My name’s Yoongi by the way,” He said suddenly, allowing you to turn your attention from his mouth and onto something that was appropriate.
“I’m Y/N.”
“Well, Y/N, I’ll let you get back to studying.” After that the boy you now knew as Yoongi leaned slightly over the tiny table to get a better look at the page you were on. “Looks like you’re on the skull. Just a tip, focus on the foramen and the openings. She’s obsessed with questions about contents. I know it’s a lot easier to start studying when you have something to focus on.”
“Yeah that does actually help. Thank you.” You flashed him a quick smile before turning your eyes down to your textbook. You found yourself taking Yoongi’s advice, focusing first on the contents of the openings in the skull — too bad there were about ten million fucking openings in the goddamn skull. And it was after about thirty minutes of just trying to memorize them straight from the textbook that you realized it just wasn’t working. It looked like those flashcards were going to come in handy after all.
You felt yourself about to reach for them on the edge of the table, but then you remembered something, causing you to hesitate. It was the way Yoongi’s eyes had locked onto the flashcards with insinuation earlier that made a chill run down your spine. You wanted to reach for them, but for some reason you felt self-conscious… But maybe you were being silly? Maybe it had just been coincidence? And besides that, you honestly didn’t have time to waste with wondering. Your test was in two days, you needed to focus on anatomy and not the possible things that this boy you had spoken less than ten sentences to could do with his mouth.
After a few moments to collect yourself and continuing to revel in your dramatics, you finally reached for the pack of flashcards. You couldn’t help but let your eyes wander to Yoongi’s face as you did so in order to gauge his reaction. But to your surprise there wasn’t one. His eyes kept themselves trained onto the pages of his textbook. Because of this you felt rather silly. See it wasn’t a big deal, you had just made it one. You felt yourself relax into the chair once more as you began to pick at the plastic surrounding the cards until it finally opened. You pulled out a couple from the stack and then readied yourself to start writing out all of the contents that you needed to know.
However, it was the second glance you spared him as your pen hit the paper (because his attractiveness was an obvious distraction for you) that you saw his crooked grin once more. His eyes met yours, but this time he didn’t pull away, instead he kept you locked in. You felt your breath catch in your throat for a second, until you finally just lost it at how completely insane this entire situation was, since clearly it was no longer a secret that both of you knew what was running through the other’s mind. You released the tiniest of laughs and a playful roll of your eyes as you began to tap the end of your pen against the flashcard, still not breaking eye contact.
“Need help with something?” Yoongi asked with a flirty smile, not even trying to hide his motivations now.
You couldn’t help but scoff at the blatancy, even though you knew that it was affecting you in the exact way that he was intending it to. “Do you offer help to everyone that sits across from you at the library?” You felt yourself lean over the table as you said the words, and Yoongi seemed to follow your lead, leaving the smallest of spaces between the two of you.
“Not at all,” He replied, confidence dripping past his lips. “Just you, honestly. You’re someone that looks like they need help focusing, who happens to have an unopened pack of flashcards that they seemed to have purchased for a certain reason. But please tell me if I’m wrong or if you’re just not interested. If that’s the case, then I’ll be happy to help you study in whatever… mundane way that you want. I’ll even spot you a coffee.”
Your face must have distorted into something of absolute disbelief, because Yoongi suddenly couldn’t control his laughter, putting his cute, gummy-smile back on display. But eventually you reined your expression back in as you let the madness of what was being offered to you settle in.
“Hmm, free coffee or oral… Tough choice, honestly,” You whispered across the table so that anyone close by wouldn’t hear.
At this Yoongi propped his arm onto the table and rested his head against his palm. “Well, since I know that anatomy struggle, I could also spot you some coffee regardless.”
“Wow, you must really wanna go down on me?” You asked, amused, and he simply shrugged as if to say, you’re not wrong. “Why the interest?”
“Do I have to have a big reason?” He asked, letting his hand fall back onto the table. “You’re cute, you need help on a test for a class I’ve taken… I’m just offering a friendly service.” He never stopped grinning at you in that crooked sort of way that made you feel like you were in the corner of some house party instead of the library.
“That’s it? With those standards you should give head to half the girls on campus then.”
“Well, half the girls on campus didn’t sit in front of me with a pack of flashcards meant for something a little less than academic, now did they? Plus, you’ve just looked really cute sighing at your textbook for the past thirty minutes.”
“Thanks, dickhead,” You scoffed playfully. “Glad my suffering is cute to you.”
“It’s very cute,” He mused. “But how about this? You don’t actually have any flashcards done, but lucky for you I remember the contents of the skull, so I can quiz you anyways. Wanna do a practice round.”
Your brows furrowed in confusion, but admittedly it piqued your interest. “Practice round? Don’t exactly think you’re brave enough to lay me out on this table and just go for it in the middle of the library.”
“Wanna see if that’s true?” He asked, a certain fire flaring across his eyes. It sent a swirl of arousal through your lower stomach, but you quickly pulled it back in.  
“Maybe another time. So what’s this practice round all about?”
Your question had him moving his chair closer to the table, in fact it had him moving as close as he possibly could, with his stomach now pressed completely against the wooden edge.
“I’m gonna ask you a question, and please feel free to say no, okay?” He whispered, once again leaning over the table.
“Okay,” You nodded with a bit of excitement.
You watched as Yoongi looked from side to side to make sure that there was no one close by. Everyone around you was a good enough distance away that they couldn’t hear what you were saying, and those that were walking past your table seemed to be doing so quickly enough that they wouldn’t be able to catch anything either.
“Can I touch you?” He finally asked, his whisper turning huskier.
Your eyes widened, lust building. “H-here?”
“No one will be able to see, promise. But if you don’t want to, that’s totally okay too.”
The thud of your heart was beating with a dangerous mix of nerves and exhilaration as the words settled between the two of you. “Like… Touch how?” You finally asked after a couple of seconds of mulling it over.
“Just over your pants. If you move your chair closer our knees will be touching. No way anyone will see anything.”
You sighed, smiling because you know that you really shouldn’t do this, but the answer has already been decided by the wetness between your thighs.
“Why’re you tempting me like this? I just met you. I don’t even know your last name, and I’m about to let you basically finger me in a goddamn library.”
“Would knowing my last name make you feel less guilty?” He chuckled.
“Maybe?”
“It’s Min. My major is audio engineering. I’m a senior, graduating in spring. Let’s see… I love rap music. I have a dog named Holly… Any other random facts you’d like to know?”
Somewhere in that rambling sentence of just listening to him speak about himself, your chair was already pushing itself closer to the edge of the table until your knees were clashing with Yoongi’s beneath it. “How about how fast you can make me cum?” You asked boldly, your hesitance turning to dust the second his hand found its way on top of your thigh.
“Wow, someone’s not as shy as they let on.” Yoongi tongued along the top of his teeth as he broke out into a grin. “Well, if we were talking normal circumstances I’d say quicker than you’d probably want, but since this is a game about what you know, then I can’t really say.”
“I literally met you an hour ago…” You trailed off, throwing your hands into your face to hide the embarrassment. “Gahh, I can’t believe I’m about to do this!”
“You know this is only making you cuter, right?” You heard him say, your face still covered. “But really, if you’re uncomfortable then we don’t have to.” You felt your hands suddenly being pulled from your face, and Yoongi appeared with a look of sincerity.
“No, that’s the thing. I really want to, even though I know I shouldn’t.” You sighed, dropping your head onto your textbook. “Why do you have to be so hot? It’s not fair.”
“Oh, so you’re just using me for my good looks then?”
“Don’t forget about your brain,” You said. After all you were only considering this because he had taken anatomy… Yeah, totally no other reason.
“Ah, glad my intellect hasn’t been overshadowed by the things you’re picturing my mouth and hands doing to you right now.” You bit at your lip to try and stifle the grin that threatened to split across your face, and Yoongi seemed highly amused with your failed attempt.
After that you let a few moments of silence settle between the two of you. You tapped your fingers across the wooden part of the table, heavy sighs of contemplation coming one after another. But Yoongi didn’t seem to be impatient at all. He simply continued to sit across from you, the slightest upward quirk laying at the corner of his mouth as he waited for your permission to start this game.
So finally, with one final sigh that rivaled all of those that came before it, you decided it was time to begin.
“Fine. First question.”
Yoongi’s grin splintered further at this. “You sure?”
“Yes. First question, please?”
“Okay,” He started, and then suddenly you felt the hand that had been resting on your knee for the better part of ten minutes began to move along the inside of your bare thigh. You thanked yourself heavily for wearing the loosest of jogging shorts today. “I’ll start off with an easy one.”
You simply nodded, too afraid that your voice would break if you tried to speak.
“Contents of the hypoglossal canal?” He asked the question as he leaned closer into the table, his eyes turning darker, more carnal.
“Hypoglossal nerve.” You answered quickly, breath stalling in your throat as his fingers pressed further into your skin.
“Good,” He whispered, something sweet in his voice. “But just relax, okay?”
His hand didn’t move, and you could tell it was because he was waiting for your limbs to lose some of their tension. You nodded, taking in a deep breath as you let yourself sink more freely into the chair, before reaching beneath the table to place your hand on top of Yoongi’s.
“My first reward, please?” You said, finally pushing any source of hesitance from your voice.
Yoongi’s grip tightened suddenly, his expression shifting. “Yes, ma’am,” He said, allowing his hand to finally roam.
Your resulted gasp was as silent as you could possibly manage. So deliberate, confident and precise, Yoongi felt his way slowly along the thinness of your shorts. He watched your expression carefully as he searched for the place that would make your blood run hot. He didn’t seem to be in a rush, however, just exploring at his leisure, taking in every twitch that he could illicit from you. But in the end, it was the timely flinch of your knee against his own beneath the table that tipped him off.
“Here?” He asked, smirking now that he had his thumb pressed against something that could cause you to scream out if he applied the proper stimulation. You nodded, bringing your hand up to rest your head against it, but also to have a quick way to muffle any noises that you couldn’t manage to subdue at any time during this… study session. “Okay, what number cranial nerve is that?” He asked, after finally pausing his movements, leaving his hand to rest against your hip with him thumb still snuggly pressed in place.
“Uh… t-twelve.”
“Correct.”
You watched as Yoongi let his other hand slip beneath the table until you felt it rest along the top of one of your knees. Thankfully he seemed to do this with purpose, because the second his thumb caressed along your center one more, your leg twitched, almost slamming itself into the top of the table if not for him applying pressure to keep it anchored to the ground.
“Sorry,” You breathed out in a rushed apology.
“You’re good,” He said as he continued to rub against your shorts. You could already feel the wetness beginning to cling to them, and there’s no doubt that Yoongi could feel it as well. “I’ve got you. Just focus on the answers, okay?”
“Okay.” You didn’t manage a response until he finally stilled, giving you a second to inhale the breath that you hadn’t realized was lodged statically in your throat.  
“Next question: contents of foramen rotundum?”
You actually knew this one as well, but it seemed that Yoongi was intentionally giving you the easy ones since it was highly apparent that you had only been half-studying this entire time, while the other had been completely focused on him.
“Maxillary nerve.”
His expression was stoic as he began his movements once more. You supposed that one of you needed to look that way. After all, you most certainly weren’t exactly doing a great job of being discreet. Your nails dug into the table, your bottom lip indented with the harsh tug of your teeth, your feet pawing at the carpet with each motion of Yoongi’s fingers.
However, even with all of this happening… It didn’t feel like enough. It already felt so nice through your shorts, so you couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like without anything holding him back. Picturing each swipe of his finger over your bare clit was enough to have you biting at the palm of your hand.
“Next question?” He asked, relaxing his hand against you in order to relieve the pressure.
“Yes, but…” You trailed off, not entirely sure of how to ask for what you wanted.
“But? Do you want me to stop?” He sounded concerned, and you could already feel him starting to pull his hand away. But you quickly reached beneath the table, wrapping your hand around his wrist, keeping him in place.
“No, please don’t stop.” This sounded a bit whinier than you had intended, but Yoongi seemed to appreciate it greatly. His expression was smug, and for some reason you found that it made the entire experience more thrilling.
“Tell me what you want then.” His voice was deeper as he said this. And once you again you were consumed with this strange sense of familiarity it. But just as you had decided before, you couldn’t pinpoint it, and you were a bit too busy at the moment to dwell on it.
“Uhm, can I just show you?” You asked, in the tiniest of whispers, but with the way Yoongi’s eyes lit up with intrigue, you knew that he had heard you perfectly clear.
“I have a feeling I already know what it is, but just to save myself from being presumptuous…” He trailed off, and you felt his hand fall limp against your hip. “Show the way.” And so, with your hand still wrapped firmly around Yoongi’s wrist, you urged him further until his touch was guided inside the leg of your shorts, and well, he didn’t need much more direction after that, and your reaction perfectly showed that.
“Yoon—" You quickly slapped your hand over your mouth as Yoongi wasted no name pushing the barrier of your panties to the side, his touch spreading your abundant slickness around with ease. “I-I didn’t even answer the question yet.”
“It’s a freebie,” He grinned, letting his hand fall away slightly. “And seeing how wet you are I don’t think you exactly mind.”
You breathed a sigh of relief. “You’d be correct.”
“Then let’s keep going. What cranial nerve is the maxillary nerve a branch of?”
“Uhm… what was that mnemonic again?” You asked, sliding further into your chair and by consequence (or reward) further into Yoongi’s grasp. “Oh, Oh, Oh, To Touch And Feel Velvet… or something… Olfactory, Optic, Oculomotor, Trochlear — Trigeminal! …Right?”
“It’s To Touch And Feel Very Good Velvet Ah Heaven. But yeah, that’s right,” He chuckled. “But I’ve always found that the one about To Touch And Feel A Girl’s Vagina Ah Heaven, is a lot easier to remember.”
You had never rolled your eyes so fiercely yet amusedly at the same time. “Jesus Christ, are you really making that joke when—” Suddenly the pad of his thumb was pressing down along your heat, the words dissipating on your tongue.
“You were saying?”
“P-prick.”
He shrugged. “Been called worse.”
“Oh, you’re saying someone who offers sexual services to random people they meet at the library has a bit of an edgy side? Shocking.”
“Quite edgy, actually.” You both managed a laugh at this, as his motions against your center had ceased. “Next question?”
“Yup.”
“Let’s see…” Yoongi trailed off, squinting his eyes as he pondered another question. It was in this moment of hesitation that you finally got another moment to just look at him. The way his feline eyes remained so calm as he searched for something to ask you. The fringe of his hair settling outside of his beanie. He looked so casual, as if he wasn’t sitting across from you with his hand down your pants.
“What, hotshot, out of questions already?”
“Looks like someone’s just eager for me to touch them again. See how productive this game can make you?” Yes, you most certainly could see it. In fact, your legs were already starting to twitch in anticipation for the question, which thankfully came soon after. “Contents of the foramen lacerum? Go.”
Shit. “Uhm…”
“Oh, that’s too bad.” Yoongi’s expression turned smug, his hand suddenly pulling itself from your shorts, making the most embarrassing of whines leave your throat.
“Next question?” You said, eagerness taking its grip around you.
“Contents of foramen ovale?” He asked this question with a smile, probably because he knew you had no idea.
“Would it be safe to say that, that’s as far as you got in your studies? Mind was too busy thinking about… other things the entire time you’ve been here?”
“C’mon, you can’t just leave me like this.” Your voice was high-pitched and more on the pleading side, which normally would’ve stricken you with embarrassment, but thinking about his fingers on you again had your pride taking a temporary backseat.
“If I touched you even when you didn’t know the answer, then the game wouldn’t work, now would it?”
You pouted, brows furrowing, because of course you knew that he was right… but it didn’t mean you were happy about it. You let your head fall to land in your textbook, hoping that maybe you would just gain the information through osmosis instead. You heard Yoongi’s laughter ringing from above, and you simply grunted in annoyance as you turned to look at him.
“You’re mean.”
“Helping you study and fingering you is mean?”
“Okay, you’re like… a quarter mean.”
“Wow, I’d say three-fourths nice is a pretty good achievement.”
“Wouldn’t you rather be completely nice?” You asked, a bit of hope.
“That’s no fun,” He smirked. You groaned at this, burying your face further into the textbook. What the hell were you supposed to do now? Thankfully you weren’t spiraling in this self-pity for long, however, before Yoongi proposed something. “C’mon, let’s go.”
“What?” You asked, clearly confused as you lifted your head to face him. “Where are you trying to go?”
“I offered coffee, remember?” He was already standing up, shoving his things into his backpack. “And I’m going to help you actually study. No distractions… Well, not until you’re ready to be quizzed again at least.”
“Really? You’ll help me?”
His brows furrowed as he managed a laugh. “What do you think I’ve been doing this entire time?”
“I meant in a way that wasn’t… sexual,” You whispered up at him.
“Yes, I promise. The tables at the coffee shop aren’t nearly as spaced out as these. But if you’d like to try, I’m—”
“I’m good,” You giggled, standing up to playfully bat him across the chest. “Seriously though, thanks for doing this… All of this, I guess.” You could feel your face heating up, which you then thought was rather silly considering everything that just happened between the two of you in such a short span of time.
“Don’t thank me until you’ve passed.” Yoongi rounded the table to join you on the other side. His smile was warm as he pressed his hand into your lower back, ushering you to follow in his stride. “But c’mon, time for you to learn what’s in that pretty head of yours.”
﹍﹎ ﹍﹎ ﹍﹎
“Why are there so many goddamn openings in our heads with so much shit running through all of them?”
“Makes us the high-functioning organisms that we are, so we can in fact question why we have so many goddamn openings in our heads with so much shit running through them.”
You sighed. “Do you have to be so… Level-headed? Can’t you mope with me?”
“Moping is for people who don’t know the contents of the foramen lacerum. Which I do, and you don’t, so my side of the table is unfortunately a no moping zone.” Yoongi simply smiled at your annoyed squint and the pout of your lip. “C’mon, keep studying.”
“Fine,” You sighed, exasperated, as you returned to making your flashcards.
Yoongi ended up taking you to a café located across the street from your campus. It was one that you had never actually been to before, but it was nice, nonetheless. The wooden interior gave it a quaint and homey vibe that allowed you to feel a bit more at ease. Paintings and tapestries hung along the walls, all while the smell of coffee and freshly baked pastries wafted through the air.
The two of you had been here for only twenty minutes or so, but Yoongi was already pestering you to focus. Normally these pressures from friends or others wouldn’t do anything to help tighten your attention span, but a certain promise from Yoongi involving another round of ‘quizzing’ you tomorrow at his apartment helped to fuel your desire to absorb all of this information as quickly as possible. However, even with this newfound motivation, you couldn’t help yourself from taking little breaks here or there. Every couple of minutes or so after searing a new fact into your mind, you would allow yourself a moment to glance at Yoongi, who had also returned to studying.  
You watched the way he bit his bottom lip in concentration as he studied the pages. His fingers skimmed down the textbook as he followed along in order to work through the problem that he had started in his notebook. It was quite amusing actually, seeing him so serious after he had been so playful and teasing earlier. You weren’t sure how long you went on like this, just studying his face as a means of distraction. But it seemed that Yoongi was more perceptive of your actions than you realized because he was suddenly locking eyes with you, a knowing look shining off of them.
“Like something you see?”
“Let’s not pretend like you don’t already know that.”
“How could I not?” He asked, an amused smile playing on his lips. “You’ve been staring at me for the past ten minutes instead of studying. You know the game isn’t gonna go much better than last time if you still don’t know anything.”
You groaned at this, only because you knew he was right of course. “I know, I know—” You started to say, but fell off when your waitress suddenly appeared next to your table, coffees in hand.
“So sorry for the wait,” She said, placing the steaming cups down in front of you.
“No, you’re fine,” You assured her. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Please let me know if you guys need anything else.”
You nodded, and then watched as she went to tend to her other tables.
“Think you’ll be able to focus now?” Yoongi asked once you turned your attention back to him.
“Yeah, I’m sorry that I’m being like this,” You said, bringing your coffee up to your lips to blow cooling breaths over it. “I’m usually a lot better focused.”
“No, you’re fine. Sometimes when you know you have a ton of shit to learn, your brain just shuts off before it even has to start.”
“Exactly,” You said before taking a sip of your coffee. “—Gah, bitter.” Your face scrunched up at the unexpected taste, and Yoongi simply laughed at your misery.
“Bitter’s best,” He said, following your lead and taking a sip but seeming to enjoy it a great deal more.
“You’re crazy,” You said as you reached for the packets of sugar sitting on your table. “Sugar?” You asked, offering a packet to him. It was a simple enough gesture, but you watched as his eyes widened suddenly, and he choked on his drink, causing coffee to spill down the sides of his mouth “Oh my god, are you okay?” You reached across the table to pat him on the shoulder, waiting for his coughing to calm.
“Yeah, I’m good,” He said, but he was still coughing a bit.
“Geez, don’t die on me now,” You joked as you grabbed a few napkins to give to him. “You’re my motivator. Can’t have you choking to death.”
After wiping at the coffee that had spilled, he seemed to return to normal. A cheeky smile plastered across his face as he returned his sights to you, eyes shining playfully. “Glad that my body is so… motivating for you.”
“Very,” You said, deciding to indulge him. “But if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to studying now.”
“Oh, now you wanna study?”
“Gotta be ready for round two of my study session with you tomorrow, right? And who knows, maybe I’ll even help you out.” You shot Yoongi a playful wink before returning your attentions back down to your textbook, but not before seeing the intrigue flash across his eyes. “If you’re interested that is,” You said as you began to thumb along the pages.
“Quite interested,” You heard him whisper, a smile clearly heard in his voice.
﹍﹎ ﹍﹎ ﹍﹎
“Fuck okay, what else…” Yoongi trailed off as he kissed his way down the inside of your thigh, sweat dripping down his temple, anticipation for his return to your swollen heat keeping you perfectly paralyzed against his bed sheets. “Contents of the foramen spinosum?”
“Middle meningeal artery and vein, and uhm… the middle meningeal branch of the mandibular nerve.”
You sighed in relief, thankful that you weren’t going to be denied as you had a few times already since this session had begun. You had spent the entirety of yesterday studying and preparing and cramming as much information as you possibly could into your head, so that when you woke the next day and drove to the address that Yoongi had texted you once the two of you had parted ways at the coffee shop, you would be ready for anything that he threw your way. However, still you had already encountered a few inquiries from your stack of flashcards placed carefully next to the two of you, that had slipped your mind. But even with that being said, you were still much more knowledgeable than yesterday, meaning you were being rewarded much, much more.
“Ngh!” Yoongi gave you no warning as he pressed forward, his lips wrapping around and finding their way to your clit with ease. This had already been going on for some time, the slow and steady build of your orgasm rising and rising with each question, only for its fire to be extinguished every time Yoongi pulled away. And this time was certainly no exception as your fingers tugged through his hair as he receded from your center, arousal dripping from his slyly poised lips.
“Mad?” He teased, one hand gliding down your calf as the other grabbed for a flashcard.
“Not mad,” You huffed. “Just frustrated. I could’ve came like twenty minutes ago if you would just keep going.”
“I’m aware,” He chuckled as he leaned over to kiss you. “But if I just let you cum then you wouldn’t have much of an incentive to get the answer right. For example, I bet you’re not gonna forget the contents of the foramen lacerum now that you didn’t get what you want for not knowing it?”
He tilted his head at you in a way that told you to show him that he was right. You rolled your eyes, pouting, but with the correct answer already bubbling to the surface. “Internal carotid artery and internal carotid nerve plexus. Happy?”
“Yeah, and you should be too,” He whispered, nipping at the side of you neck, consequently pulling a sharp inhale towards your lungs. “You got it right. And what happens in this game when you get things right?” You watched his eyes turn dark as he made his way back down your body, head resting between your legs.
“Oh, g-god,” You stuttered, head collapsing back against the bed as Yoongi’s tongue began to caress against your wetness once more. “Just a little bit longer than the other ones, please?” You sounded high-pitched and wrecked, and it was for this reason that he seemed to oblige you. The usual couple of seconds that he had been giving you this entire time for a correct answer turned longer, more deliberate and concentrated as you began to ride your hips against his face. The breath rattled from your throat as you urged him forward by his hair, his satisfied groans making the building pressure in your stomach flare wildly. “I — Yoongi, I’m—” Your words sounded strangled as the pleasure made it difficult for you to string together a coherent sentence. But much to your dismay, that ability was returned to you all too quickly as Yoongi broke away.
“Better?”
You shook your head from side to side. “You don’t understand how close I am.”
“Trust me, I know.” He felt his way down your thighs as if to comfort you a bit, but you didn’t miss the look of pure amusement on his face as he did so.
“Just ask me another damn question.”
He simply grinned to himself as he grabbed for another flashcard. “Contents of the internal acoustic meatus?”
“Internal acoustic meatus? Okay that’s cranial nerve… seven?” You looked up at Yoongi for confirmation who gave you a small nod, but gave a motion to let you know that there was more. “Fuck, what is it? Cranial nerve seven…” You trailed off, bringing your hands up to your temples to try and knead the information out of the recesses of your brain.
“Ah, too bad. Looks like that one’s a bust.”
“Wait!” You exclaimed, grabbing Yoongi’s wrist before he could place the card in the pile of ones that you had gotten wrong. Which to your credit, honestly wasn’t many. But it still pained you seeing a tangible version of all that you could’ve had. “Just give me a second. Internal acoustic meatus: cranial nerve seven… and eight?” You paused, looking to Yoongi for confirmation, which he gave.
“Still one more.”
“One more?” You huffed in defeat because you were perfectly aware that you didn’t know it. “Fuck, whatever, just tell me.”
“Labrynthine artery.”
“What a stupid fucking name for an artery.”
Yoongi snorted in amusement at your clearly escalating frustrations. “Could be said for a lot of medical terminologies,” He said, setting the card down onto the bed. “Probably why I couldn’t keep with it.”
“Yeah, who knows, maybe I’ll be an audio engineer with you next semester.”
“I certainly wouldn’t mind that. Then I’d be studying even when I’m the one doing the giving.”
You smiled. “Yeah, wouldn’t that work out perfectly.”
“Too bad we didn’t take this class together. I’m sure you’d have so much fun edging me.”
“What do you mean?” You asked, brows furrowing. “I’m still going to have fun edging you. You have a test coming up too, right?”
“Shit, maybe I should be nicer to you then.” You both laughed as he leaned over to place soft pecks against the center of your chest as if to smooth over everything. “Ready for the last one?”
“One condition,” You said, running your fingers through the locks of his hair.
“What’s that?” He whispered as he nosed along the side of your face.
“If I get it right then you can’t stop until I cum.”
His motions paused as he brought his head back to look at you. “Rules are you have to get them all. We still have to go through the stack of ones that you got wrong.” He said this, yet you could see the tiniest break in his resolve as he bit contemplatively at his lip.
“Fine, decide after the question — which I will be getting right.”
“Ah, love the confidence.” He leaned back, picking up the final card. “Well I’d hope that you’d get this one right. Contents of the posterior ethmoidal foramen?”
“Thank fuck,” You sighed, already shifting on the bed in anticipation. “Ethmoidal artery, vein and nerve.”
“Correct.” You watched the way Yoongi’s lips tilted mischievously as he readied himself to position himself back between your legs, but before he could you cupped the side of his face, momentarily keeping him in place.
“Please?” You voice was barely that of a whisper, soft as you gave him one final, pleading glance. You could practically see his resolution fade into oblivion. His mouth parted slightly, pupils quaking as he stared back at you. You watched the way his throat bobbed as he swallowed his tenacity down, leaving room for your needs to settle in its place.
Yoongi’s eyes tore down your face, carving a certain animalistic aura into the air. Suddenly his lips were on yours, fiercer than any encounter that you had shared thus far. It made the fading ache in your belly return with full force. His hands pressed hot into your sides as you scratched your nails down his back, desire brimming from both of you until it spilled over in an almost primal craving for one another. Suddenly you felt yourself being flipped over, now straddling his thighs. The change in position was surprising but certainly welcomed. You could now see the way Yoongi’s bare chest flared with each and every breath, his eyes glimmering with lust that rivaled your own.
“C’mere,” He breathed, reaching up to cup your face, urging you back to him. Your tongue parted his lips, encouraging him to take more as the two of you seemingly couldn’t get close enough to each other. He gently teethed down the side of your jaw as your hips began to grind into his hardened cock that was pressing firmly through his pants.
“Fuck, I—” You tried to say.
“—Ride my face.”
Your eyes widened as Yoongi whispered the words against your mouth, the sudden thrill sending a new wave of yearning through your blood. “Really?” You finally responded, almost in disbelief.
“You did good today,” He said, bringing you in for a brief kiss. “Wanna let you cum.”
You felt your skin shiver as the words fanned across your lips.
“Fuck, yes,” Was all you could manage before you were sitting up and placing your knees on either side of Yoongi’s face.
You watched the way he stared up at your dripping heat, hunger lining his eyes as a shaky breath left his chest. “C’mere, baby,” He sighed as his hands found their way to your hips and wasted no time pulling them down to connect his mouth to your wetness.
“Ngh — Yoongi!” You yelled out before you could stop yourself, hands clamoring for balance against the headboard as Yoongi already had his tongue circling your clit. His hands kept you steady, however, his fingers dug into your hips as he urged you to rock against his face. “You’re so g-good.”
The praise had Yoongi groaning and loosening his hold on you. When you tilted your head to the side, you found that he was pushing his pants and boxers down his thighs. His cock was swollen and red as it slapped back against his stomach, and your breath was ragged as you watched him wrap his hand around himself, thumb sliding against the tip.
Seeing him pleasure himself as he relentlessly attended to your aching center made a burning hotness clamor inside of you. Suddenly you were reaching back, curling your fingers around his member so you could take over for him. You felt his breathy sigh against your heat as you began to pump his length. His hand fell on top of yours, tightening your grip to show you the pressure and motion that he liked. “F-fuck, yeah, just like that,” He stuttered once you got it, his hands returning to your hips, guiding you as he rode you along the flat of his tongue.
And you both just kept going like this, basking in the pleasure as your highs were brought closer and closer to their end. Though for you, since you had been on the brink of your orgasm for some time now, it started building much quicker than you had anticipated, now that Yoongi wasn’t holding back.
You felt your stomach start to tighten as the pressure readied itself to snap. Your breath seemingly caught in your throat as the hand not occupied with Yoongi’s cock, reached down to thread itself into his hair.
“Gonna c-cum,” You whispered, voice breaking to pieces as he painted slow but perfect strokes of his tongue against your center.
The sudden release of your high splintered throughout your body, sending shivers down your thighs. You released your grip on Yoongi’s cock as you fell forward, taking hold of the headboard once more to steady your shaking limbs. He didn’t seem to mind, however. He simply picked up where you left off, stroking himself along, all while he continued to lap victoriously at his accomplishments as it ran down your thighs, not stopping until you were pushing him away with overstimulation.
You peered down between your legs, meeting his gaze. It sent another crash of lust through you, staring at his swollen lips and his pupils blown out so wide. You watched as he hissed in pleasure beneath you, and you turned slightly to see that he was still stroking himself along. You were going to offer to finish him, but before you could find the energy to even say the words he was already offering his own resolution.
“Can I cum on your back?” He asked, voice raspy. “Feel free to say no—”
“—Yes.”
You were already moving down, straddling his stomach as you tilted your head to see him start to thrust into his fist. Your brows furrowed, mouth falling slack as you watched him milk himself towards his orgasm much more vigorously now that he had your permission. But the lowly grunts that you could hear beginning to build in his throat made you turn to face him once again. Your breath stuttered in your lungs as you took in the way his neck was bared back, messy bed-head fanning out across the pillow.
“Yeah, keep looking at me,” He hissed out between clenched teeth, his grip finding its way onto your thigh for something to hold onto. Your hand found his way on top of his, squeezing as you felt his stomach start to tense up beneath you as he got closer to reaching his end. “Fuck, Y/N.”
He didn’t last much longer after that, and you marveled as his face contorted in pleasure upon finding his release. It was in that same moment that you gasped at the feeling of his cum suddenly hitting the center of your back. You shivered at the feeling, glancing down to see the heavy rise and fall of Yoongi’s chest as the warmth of his release began to dribble down your skin.
“Here,” Yoongi huffed, guiding you to lay on your stomach next to him. “I’ll get a towel.”
You simply nodded at him before collapsing your head against the bed, mind hazy and exhausted. You honestly could’ve fallen asleep right there, shrouded in the scent of yours and Yoongi’s time together. It was nice for some reason, peaceful even. And this strange feeling only grew further as you felt Yoongi wipe the towel against your back, erasing the path of his seed.
“Thanks,” You mumbled.
“No problem,” He replied after setting the towel down and running his palm down your newly cleaned skin. “Got a bit ahead of ourselves, didn’t we?”
“Happy we did. I needed that.” You smiled, rolling over to cuddle into his side.
“Glad I could be of some assistance,” He chuckled.
You both just laid like that for a while, not saying anything specific, just pointless rambling. But again, it just felt nice. You watched the way his gums appeared anytime he found something particularly endearing, and the way his lips would droop at the corners anytime it wasn’t his turn to speak. You found that there were a lot of things to notice about Min Yoongi in those moments of just laying next to him, allowing your mind not to be shadowed by the stresses of—
“My test,” You groaned as you sat up, because the shadow returned almost as quickly as you had pushed it away, and now it was clouding your mind with guilt of wasting such precious study time. “I gotta go.”
You watched the corners of his mouth transform into a pout as you got off of the bed to pull on your clothes that were scattered across the floor. Once you were finally dressed, he joined your side, trusty flashcards in hand.
“You know all of these. You’re gonna do great.” He said, pressing them into your hand.
You smiled, the gesture making something kick wildly in your chest. “Thanks, Yoongi.”
“Let me know how the test goes tomorrow, okay?” He said as he led you to the doorway.
“If it goes well I’ll let you know. If you don’t hear from me it’s because I’m contemplating becoming an audio engineer.”
Yoongi split into a grin as he backed you up against the wall next to the door. “Well, I’d certainly be okay with helping you study for those classes as well.” And then he was kissing you, the gentlest kiss that the two of you had shared, in fact. It was brief, nothing extra, just the soft press of his lips against yours before he was pulling away.
“Are you secretly hoping I fail now?” You asked jokingly as you reached up to toy with a strand of his hair that was sticking up.
“I would never,” He chuckled as he softly thumbed along your jaw.
The motion felt oddly… right. As if he had done that to you a thousand times. Those types of thoughts were dangerous of course, so you pushed it into a dusty corner of your mind as soon as you registered it. Plus, you had the feeling that if you dwelled in his apartment any longer things would escalate once again, and you still had a ton of things to study for.
“Well, I gotta get outta here,” You said after a few moments.
He seemed to sigh in what you could only describe as disappointment, which admittedly made you feel a bit giddy.
“Okay,” He said, reaching to open the door for you. “Really though, let me know how it goes, yeah?”
“I will,” You smiled, leaning over to give him a quick peck on the lips before stepping over the threshold. “Bye, Yoongi.”
﹍﹎ ﹍﹎ ﹍﹎
“Finally,” You huffed to yourself as you made your way into your room, wasting no time in throwing your things to the side and laying out face first on your bed. With relief and comfort now wrapped around you, you pulled your phone from your pocket, allowing yourself to just enjoy some leisure time now that you didn’t have any tests looming over your head.
It had been two days since your study session with Yoongi and one day since your test. Yesterday after you got home from anatomy, you sent a very brief text to Yoongi, telling him that you thought the test had gone okay, before immediately knocking out and not waking up until you had to leave for class this morning. Since then you guys had been texting casually, nothing too serious, just some heavy flirtation as you tried to distract yourself from checking to see if your grade had been posted every five minutes.
However, it was as if fate knew that needed something more to keep you occupied, because as you were continuing to casually scroll through your phone, a certain notification appeared across the screen: mixtape episode 9 has just been released
“Yes!” You said aloud as you quickly reached for your backpack to retrieve your headphones. Wasting no time, you shoved them into your ears as you pressed down on the notification to take you straight to the episode. The familiar opening danced through your headphones almost immediately.  
“Hello, welcome back to mixtape!” Jay began as enthusiastic as always. “We have a very exciting topic today. Sugar, would you like to remind everyone what it is?”
You heard a heavy sigh filter through the mic. And in hindsight, you should have realized right in that first heady breath why it was so exhilarating, but you decided to let the strangeness linger in the recesses of your head.  
“Today’s topic is…” He trailed off, letting a moment of silence fall between them. “Oh, you’re not gonna interrupt today?” Sugar asked, surprised.
“What can I say? I’ve changed my ways.”
“Uhuh, whatever you say, champ.” Clearly, he was skeptical. “But anyways, today’s topic is—”
“—Sex!”
“Jesus,” You heard him whisper to himself, but you could somehow tell that it was in amusement rather than annoyance. “Why’re you like this?”
“What you get for not believing me,” Jay replied. “But anyways, since no one wants to hear us argue, let’s start with… I don’t know, where do you want to start?”
“Probably the protection part,” Sugar offered.
“Oh yeah. Well, I’m sure you all know this but there’s condoms all over campus. They’re literally free, so there’s like no excuse.”
“They’re at the health center, the gym. Take advantage of all that shit your tuition’s going to, people.”
“Yeah, trust me, you don’t wanna be in that rapid STD testing line at the end of the semester. It’s the most nerve-wracking, suffocating room that you’ll ever be in.”
“Well, you should still get tested every once in a while anyways. But yeah, if you don’t wanna feel like you’re gonna vomit on the floor while you wait, then yeah.”
“You would know,” Jay giggled across the mic.
“This is true,” Sugar admitted. “Freshman mistakes, my friends. But guess who always has a condom on them now?”
“Good to know.”
“But anyways, now that we’ve got that PSA out of the way.”
“Yup, protection, protection, protection,” Jay rattled off the mantra. “Okay, I have something to ask, because I’m genuinely curious since I don’t think we’ve ever talked about this.”
“Oh god, now I’m nervous,” Sugar chuckled, and once you again you felt this strange wave of something wash over you.
You weren’t even sure what the actual feeling itself was. Unease? No, that wasn’t right. Maybe nerves? Maybe you were just projecting your anxiety about your test onto everything. Yeah, maybe that was it.
“Where’s the weirdest place you’ve had sex?” Jay asked, which most certainly caused your attention to be turned back to the podcast.
“Hm,” Sugar hummed as he seemed to ponder the question. “Honestly, I don’t think I have one. Maybe it makes me boring, but I much prefer not being in positions where someone can get a snapshot of my bare ass out in public… Or get arrested for that matter — you know all about that, right, Jay?”
“Really?” Jay scoffed. “You’re gonna bring that up? And for the record, me and that girl were not arrested. We were almost arrested.”
“Because that makes it so much better?”
“I mean in the eyes of the future employers that I’ll be filling job applications out for, yeah.”
“True, but I guess we should explain what the hell we’re even talking about,” Sugar proposed, before continuing. “Basically, Jay here, met a girl at some party that his frat was throwing, and they decided that it would be fun to have sex outside near the bushes and trees, where literally anyone could pass by, which ended up including the cops.”
“Okay first of all,” Jay started, and you could hear him shifting in his seat. “She was the one who said she wanted to have sex in nature or some shit, and obviously I was like what the fuck at first, so I tried telling her how my bedframe was made of wood and wasn’t that nature-y enough, and she said no that wasn’t good enough, and so I just…”
“You just what?” Sugar asked, clearly trying to control his laughter.
“Fine, I’m weak as hell so I agreed, and then we got caught by the cops and ran for our fucking lives, half naked across campus.”
“Riveting.”
“Fuck off.”
“Hey, you expose me on here all the time, had to get a little payback.”
“I guess,” Jay sighed, accepting Sugar’s reasoning.
After that the two men delved into numerous topics involving college sex life. From flippant things such as unrealistic movie portrayals, to all important topics like consent. If was always fascinating to just listen to them speak about things so openly. It let you just forget about stresses for the thirty odd minutes that they spoke for every week. But eventually the conversation did start to wind down, eventually breaking off into tangents here and there. But as you had said before, you didn’t mind this. It was actually really nice to hear how well they riffed off of one another.
And it was at this point, where their talk turned more natural… that the underlying feeling of that certain something returned. It was just something about the way Sugar’s breath hit the mic or the way his laughter bounced through your earbuds. It had always affected you to some degree since you had developed somewhat of an infatuation towards this man with an alias so sweet. But there was something different about this time, something more intense drawing you in.
“Okay, we’re getting to that point where we’re completely off topic, so I guess we should stop here,” Sugar said after he and Jay finished a mini-debate on what the best X-Men superpower was.
“You’re just saying that because you know I’m right, and that Mystique has the best superpower, but whatever.”
“It’s definitely being a telepath, but I’ll let you continue on in this wrong way of life that you’ve chosen to follow.”
“Whatever,” Jay sighed. “But yeah, any closing comments, Sugar?”
“Uhm, not really…” He trailed off, and there was a momentary pause that caused the podcast to have a beat of silence that wasn’t often heard. It made your brows furrow as you waited for him to continue, his slow and steady breath suddenly returning to the microphone, leading a chill down your spine in its wake before he continued. “Just… Just good luck to everyone on their tests and stuff this week,” He paused once more. “…Anatomy or whatever.”
That was when it clicked for you of course, when he had to so obviously spell it out.
“I — are you fucking kidding me!?” You yelled as you ripped your headphones out. Your heart was thundering violently against your chest as everything started to replay itself inside of your head. The breaths, the laughter, the words, the voice. That strange familiarity that you had written off as nothing at the library when you had first heard him speak. The weird vibe that you just couldn’t shake when the podcast started and his breathy sigh sounded so much more lively than it ever had before.
Suddenly that something emotion that you hadn’t been able to pinpoint as it pressed against your chest dissolved. That airy warmth that had been bubbling in the pit of your stomach every time that he had laughed this episode, it was all replaced by you feeling like a complete idiot for not realizing something so obvious that had been right in front of your face and literally playing through your ears.  
Before you knew it, you were out of bed, car keys already being grabbed off of your dresser. “This kid,” You whispered, a grin plastered across your face.
Your fist came down on the door, some sort of adrenaline running through you as you waited for him to answer. How could you not have seen it? —Or perhaps heard was a more accurate term. But you weren’t mad that he hadn’t told you even though he clearly knew that you were a fan of mixtape. You were simply stunned that you hadn’t realized who he was sooner. You had heard his voice, laughter… everything, filter through your headphones a million times and yet you didn’t even notice when he was right in front of you.
And then suddenly he was again. The door opened, and there he was, not seeming surprised in the slightest to see you.
“Y/N,” Yoongi started, smiling as he pulled you inside his apartment. “You… heard I’m assuming?”
“Hm, I don’t know, should I call you Yoongi or Sugar from now on?” You asked, bringing your hand up to your chin to convey some playful uncertainty.
He chuckled, leaning down to press his forehead to yours. “You can call me whatever you want.” And then he was kissing you, pressing you into the wall just as he had done a few days prior, his smile pressing firmly into your lips. You giggled, making the interaction a jumbled, laughter-infused mess before you finally broke away.
“Wow, this is so weird,” You said as you circled your arms around Yoongi’s neck while he did the same to your waist. “I listen to you every week. How the hell couldn’t I tell that it was you?”
“Sometimes it’s hard to match a voice to a face when you’re only used to just being able to hear it.” He shrugged as if it were the most casual thing in the world. But really, it wasn’t the biggest deal. It was just… wild, for lack of a better word.
“Yeah, clearly.”
“You’re not mad, right?” He asked. “That I knew you listened to mixtape but still didn’t tell you who I was?”
“No, not at all,” You said, shaking your head. “You just met me. I wouldn’t expect you to just go and reveal one of your biggest secrets like that.”
He seemed relieved at that. “Good, I just thought you might be mad at me or something.”
“Promise I’m not mad at all,” You said, giving him a quick peck for good measure. “But really, you did only just meet me, so why’d you let me know that it was you?”
After all, Yoongi could have just kept this information to himself, and you never would have known. Sure, you felt that Sugar had sounded a bit more familiar while listening to the new episode earlier, but if not for him sliding that comment about your anatomy test into it, you probably never would’ve figured it out that he was Yoongi.
“I don’t know, to be honest,” He said, looking genuinely unsure of his reasoning. “I just had a really good time with you the past few days. And you know, even if it’s just as friends, I’d still like to hang out with you a lot after this. Everyone close to me knows that I’m Sugar from mixtape, so it just… felt right to tell you, even though we haven’t known each other that long. Is that weird?” He laughed, and you could see the slight flush of color that was congregating on his cheeks as he said it.
“No, it’s not weird at all. I liked hanging out with you a lot, even when we weren’t… You know…” You trailed off, hiding your face in his shoulder.
“Same,” He said simply, making you both laugh.
“For someone who’s on a podcast you’re not very good at expressing yourself.”
“Well, why do you think I’m the sarcastic asshole of the show?” He shrugged. “I’m not good at expressing myself.”
“I don’t know, you were pretty good just now. What was that bit you said about even if we’re just friends?” You asked, gaining a mischievous grin as his face flushed redder.
“You’re terrible,” He joked, scratching awkwardly at his jaw. “But I mean I guess I would like to hang out with you and not have to quiz you on the contents of the skull… On like a date, maybe?”
Again, you felt that flare of something warm and inviting vibrate throughout your chest.
“I… I would really like that, Yoongi.”
He smiled, sighing in relief at your answer. You had no idea why he thought even for a second that you would say no, but it was cute to see nonetheless. You were about to ask what sort of places he liked to go on dates, but before you could, the ping of your cell-phone interrupted. You pulled it from your pocket and when you saw the notification, your heart dropped about ten levels.
“What’s wrong?” Yoongi asked, hands settling their way onto your shoulders as he clearly could see the shift in your expression.
“It says my anatomy test was graded.” You tried to swallow the dryness from your throat as you unlocked your phone and clicked on the notification, but you made sure to look away before it loaded, not sure if you were ready to see. “I feel like I’m gonna vomit.”
“Hey, hey,” Yoongi whispered. “Whatever you got, it’s gonna be all right. We’ll just study harder for the next test.”
“We?” You laughed, amused by his insinuation.
“Doesn’t have to be that kind of studying… But if you want.” He shrugged, grinning down at you as he did so. “Really though, it’ll be alright. Just see what you got, and we’ll go from there, yeah?”
You nodded, thankful for his encouragement as you breathed out a heavy sigh, trying to expel any negativity that was sitting stagnant inside of you. You were nervous, gripping your phone tightly for a few seconds before finally gaining the courage to look. You tilted your phone away from your chest, and right there on the screen, the percentage flashed back at you, causing you to nearly drop your phone to the ground in shock.
“Oh my god,” You whispered in disbelief as you continued to stare at it, as if to make sure that it wouldn’t disappear.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Yoongi asked, eyes wide and nervous.
“N-nothing. I…” You paused for a second, the phrase catching in your throat a few times before you could finally get it out. “I set the curve.”
“What!?” Yoongi exclaimed, smile beaming.
“I set the fucking curve! I got a hundred!” You screamed jumping up and down, your excitement impossible to contain as you began yanking Yoongi’s shirt along with you. “I can’t believe this!”
“I was literally sweating, and it wasn’t even my test,” He sighed, almost in more relief than you had.
“Well, you did put a lot of effort into it.”
“Much effort, but nothing I didn’t thoroughly enjoy.” Yoongi grinned as he pulled you closer and began peppering his way down the side of your neck, prompting a flash of heat throughout your limbs.
“How about a celebration round then?” You whispered as your hands wandered down his shirt and all the way to the top of his jeans. You could hear the lowly growl building in his throat as he pressed further into your hand.
“Fuck, yes—”
But suddenly there was a loud knock that boomed against Yoongi’s door making you almost jump out of your skin.
“Yoongi!” The person on the other side yelled, voice loud and bombastic as it cut through the air.
“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Yoongi mumbled to himself.
“Who’s that—” You tried to ask, but before you could finish the stranger on the other side was already starting up again.
“Open up! I have an idea for next week’s episode!”
Your brow’s furrowed at this. “Episode?” You questioned aloud.
“Meet Hoseok,” Yoongi said with an almost tired sigh, motioning towards the door. “Or Jay as you probably know him better as.”
“Oh my god, that’s Jay?” You asked, clearly amused as he continued to bang on the door relentlessly. “Wow, thought that whole interrupting thing was just a played-up bit for the show,” You admitted.
“I wish it was played-up. Hoseok, interrupts every aspect of my life, not just podcast related things.”
“Interesting duo, you two.”
“Guess that’s why people like to hear us talk about nonsense,” Yoongi shrugged. “But I know how to get rid of him. Would you mind helping me?”
“Depends what it is,” You replied, interested to see what it was that he needed your assistance for.
“Well, it involves something… semi-sexual.” Your brows raised at this, intrigue growing higher. “Do you mind… hair pulling?”
Just the question itself had you fighting off the need to strip off your clothes. “N-not at all,” You managed to stutter.
Yoongi looked satisfied with this as he placed his hand along the back of your neck, palm flat as he threaded his fingers through your strands. You then watched as he brought his other hand down the front of your leggings, instantly having his fingers pressed ever so lightly against your slick heat. You weren’t really sure what the point of this was, or how it had anything to do with Hoseok, but it wasn’t as if you minded either. But then Hoseok was speaking again, as Yoongi knew that he would, you presumed.
“Your car’s out front. I know you’re in there, probably sleeping—”
You watched as Yoongi turned to face you, giving you the slightest of indications before you felt his hand tighten around your hair as he slid the warmth of his tongue along your neck in a way that had you keening. His palm that was still pressed to your center began to move, leaving your knees-weak. With all of this together you couldn’t help the moan that slipped past your lips, bouncing along the walls and most certainly through the door.
“Oh shit, my bad, dude,” Hoseok said, and suddenly his knocking stopped. “Catch you later.”
And it was that simple.
You felt Yoongi start to loosen his grip on your hair and pull his hand from your pants once Hoseok signaled his departure, but you quickly halted his motions, placing your hands on top of his before he could get too far. His eyes glimmered with something as you did so, a certain thrill seeming to electrify the air between the two of you.
“So about that condom that you always have on you?”
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Text
the View from Up Here.
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Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Reader Genre: Fluff Word Count: 2.4k
Prompt: “We’re in line for the same ride at the fair, the seats are made for two people, and our friends ditched us, so wanna ride together?”
Surprise Prompt: “You’re a genius with facts, but you’re really stupid with people.”
A/N: Here it is! The collab featuring me, @daegusoftboys, and @haneulismykoreanname (check out her amazing moodboard) for the @kpoptrashnetwork October Fall Members’ Project! Enjoy! xoxo
It’s a Friday night and you’re being dragged to the fair, the smell of popcorn and funnel cakes permeating your nose as you weave through the crowds of people already circulating the grounds.
“Why do I even need to be here,” you grumble, pout on your lips as a little kid screams in victory nearby. 
Your best friend can only laugh, “Because it’s Friday and because there’s no work for us this weekend and because it’ll be fun. We’re meeting up with Jin and his friends so at least I finally get to see a face that isn’t yours.”
That stops you in your tracks, blood running cold and your throat closing up. “What?”
She can only look at you like you’ve grown another head, “What do you mean ‘what’? I told you this morning that they were coming. You were working on some biology homework or whatever. You know, that difficult class you have this semester since you love excess mind usage for some reason. You nodded and bit off the end of another pencil. You don’t remember?”
“Does it look like I remember? If I was actually listening, I would’ve said absolutely hell to the no and I wouldn’t have come! Namjoon will be there!”
She raises one eyebrow as if saying so? which causes you to groan out loud. “Focus. Kim Namjoon. One of Seokjin’s best friends? He’s in my microbiology class and I’ve liked him since sophomore year. It’s like you’re not even my best friend, shouldn’t you know things like this?”
She grabs your hand and you continue on, much to your dismay, “For your information, I did in fact know that because I am your best friend. I just don’t see why it matters much. You’ve shared short, precise conversations since you’ve met and you’ve never once made a move. You don’t even flirt! Tonight we’ll be in a large group so don’t worry. Just try to relax and have a good time.  You have three papers due in the next few weeks so I know you won’t come out for some fun until they’re all finished.”
You feel a little guilty at the declaration of your study and homework habits, following her lead until the Ferris wheel hovers ahead and she squeals in delight. You can make out six boys waiting, Jin’s face lighting up as you both come closer. “You guys made it!”
You wave hello, “I was more dragged by the collar of my favorite hoodie but…it’s good to be out. Thanks for the invite.”
He shrugs, “Hey, no problem. We’ve all had busy weeks, Joon thought it’d be cool to spend at least one night out in the real world with fair food and good company.”
You smile in agreement, eyes searching for the one boy that was missing, “Speaking of…where is Joon anyway?”
Jungkook throws a strong arm over your shoulder, “Why? Our resident brainiac looking for him?”
You turn a heated gaze at your best friend, her tongue sticking out as if to mock you, “Oh please, she didn’t even have to say anything. You become a shy little turtle when he’s around. You’re not the subtle type.”
You become a little panicked when everyone ends up agreeing, choking down the fear that Namjoon himself knows, right when he shows up by your side, drink in hand. “Hi. You…okay? You look a little pale.”
You blink at him, shaking your head. “I’m…I’m fine. Promise,” you’re able to say without your voice breaking.
You try to calm yourself down when you feel your heart skip a beat. “So? Ah…how about that Ferris wheel, huh? Let’s go,” you say, stumbling over your words and temporarily forgetting that you’re afraid of heights.
You’re the first one in line, Namjoon following closely behind. It’s almost your turn when your best friend insists that you pay for your tickets separately. You’re about to complain but the lady in the booth says, “Next please!”, a little too impatiently.
You reluctantly pay and move aside to let Namjoon pay for his. Before you know it, they’ve all bought their tickets — with four of the boys already in their respective seats. Jungkook, Jin and your best friend shoot you a meaningful grin. 
The ‘you’ll thank me later’ kind of grin, before walking away without another word.
You’re beyond speechless when you realize that this means you’ll have to ride the Ferris wheel with Namjoon. Alone. So much for your plan to ride with your best friend.
You look at Namjoon who looks just as puzzled at what happened. He shrugs and smiles, revealing the most beautiful pair of dimples you’ve ever seen. “Guess it’s just the two of us, Y/N.”
“Are you guys riding or what?” one of the workers asks annoyingly. 
You awkwardly take your seat, avoiding Namjoon’s gaze as your hands start to become clammy, beads of sweat starting to appear on your forehead. Suddenly a ten page essay on the layers of cells in your microbiology class and presenting it to the entire student body feels like a walk in the park compared to your predicament. 
You get higher as they gather more passengers to occupy the empty seats and you feel the butterflies in your stomach go wild. But you’re not really sure if it’s due to the adrenaline of being high up or simply because Namjoon is there next to you. You try your hardest to keep it to yourself to avoid embarrassing you both.
“So…what’s up? I mean, how’s school?” 
Dammit! Trust me to sound like a concerned parent, you think. flinching at your words.
You look away as you see him grinning, as if he can read your mind and agrees with your line of thought. 
“Life is great but school is hectic as hell. We’re actually working on our papers due next week Seokjin decided that a night away from all the homework would improve our productivity.” He smiles, dimples making another pleasant appearance. “What about you, Y/N? What made you decide to go out on such a busy time at school,” he says, voice teasing.
“Oh come on, “ you reply, rolling your eyes, “as if you don’t know…ah!” 
The pitch of your voice rises at the sudden movement of the Ferris wheel, announcing an acceleration. As it gains speed, you feel your stomach churn at the same pace. 
Worry is written all over his face as he leans forward. “Y/N? You okay? You…look pale. Do you want to go down?” 
“I’m…okay. Just a little afraid of heights but I’m cool as long as I don’t look down.” You smile to assure him. “I was just startled by the sudden movement, that’s all.”
“Let’s just look at the stars then,” he smiles. He looks up at the sky as you slow down at the top. “Aren’t they beautiful?”
You mimic his movement, head titling towards the sky. “Yeah…and the city looks beautiful, too.” The smell of autumn breeze fills your nostrils, calming down a little. You almost forget how terrified you are when the machine starts to move again.
But this time you’re not as scared because you feel Namjoon’s hands over yours, clutching at the handle as if for dear life. The feel of his warm hands is making your heart pound so fast you’re afraid it might rip your chest open.
The sick feeling inside your stomach is now forgotten, your brain focusing on how his hand grips yours tighter as the ride moves at its fastest. He scoots closer until your shoulders touch. He gives you a warm and calming dimpled smile as if he’s telling you to relax and that everything will be okay because he’s there with you. The loud rhythm of your beating heart is drowning out the crowd, the lively loud music, the shrieks and screams. Suddenly the world stops; it’s just the two of you, hands intertwined. with only the stars, the moon, and the cool evening air as your company.
“Namjoon, I-” you start, blood rushing to your cheeks in anticipation of your next move. He quirks an eyebrow questioningly, seemingly unaware of the inner turmoil his dimples are creating. It’s the perfect setting to spill your guts, the perfect moment to finally let yourself speak the words you been practicing late at night for months. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” you start, casting your gaze at the lonely hand in your lap. “I’m-”
Suddenly your seat swings violently, propelling you forward as it rocks back and forth dangerously. The Ferris wheel has stopped turning, a loud creak from the engine telling you this isn’t part of its usual routine. Namjoon looks at you, alarmed. Your confession dies in your throat, now constricted by the terror filling your lungs. “What the-”, he says, throwing a look over his shoulder to see if he can spot any of your friends. You can hear Jungkook yelling, stringing random curse words together and screaming them into the void. He’s at close distance but it sounds a million miles away.
You feel dizzy. A heat rises up your spine causing you to pull your hand from Namjoon’s, its weight too heavy on your skin. He grimaces at the loss of contact but realizes your change in demeanor isn’t because of him, as soon as you lock eyes - your own grown to the size of saucers. “Namjoon,” you breathe, “I think - I think I’m having a panic attack.”
“Uh - shit, I -” he stutters, his hands all over the place in a frantic attempt to remain calm. “Stay calm, breathe. And uh -” Namjoon freezes, his mind going over every possible article and post he’s ever read about the situation, mentally checking off tips on the list. “Tell me what you need.”
“I need to get the fuck down,” you choke, breath still unstable as both your hands are now glued to the handles, your frame frozen in place. Namjoon is surprised at your use of language as he’s never heard you swear before. He’s slightly amused, even, before he remembers you’re about to pass out if he doesn’t get you to regulate your oxygen intake.
“Are you seriously laughing at me right now?” you snarl, your eyes still locked on his face to keep yourself from looking down.
The seat has stopped rocking. A loud voice booms through the intercom, announcing a technical difficulty. “Please, remain calm. The issue will be resolved soon,” a voice tells you, almost tauntingly. Namjoon bites his lip, trying to suppress a smile.
“I’ve never seen this side of you Y/N,” he says, not able to help himself. “You’re always so…sweet and shy around me.”
You try to inhale, shaking your head at his comment. Your eyes shift from him to the nauseating height difference between you and the ground. “You’re a genius with facts, but you’re really stupid with people Joon,” you manage to reply in between shaky breaths. “Now - is not - the time - to get cute with me.”
He chuckles, reclaiming your hand as you glare at him. His eyes are sparkling, the lights illuminating the fair reflected in them. 
“Breathe. You can do this. Listen to me,” he says, moving his hands from yours to cup your cheeks, forcing you to focus on his face. “Count with me. One… two…”
Your chest falls and rises with a dangerous speed. “One, two,” you repeat after him. “Three…concentrate on your breathing,” he continues, his eyes never leaving yours. 
“Three. Joon,” you say, panic enveloping your chest again. “I can’t do this.”
At first he doesn’t respond. His mind is racing, finally halting at a solution he’s seen in a film somewhere. He swallows and tightens his grip on your cheeks, making sure you stay in place. He promptly leans forward, pressing his lips to yours. Your eyes widen at the sudden contact, a whirlwind of emotions taking over your mind. The distraction causes your attention to shift from your rapid breathing to Namjoon’s warm mouth.
Your eyes fall shut as you ease into it, his lips moving against yours gently. For a split second you forget the predicament you’re in, his softness the only thing your mind allows you to think about. It’s just long enough to regain your composure, your erratic breathing slowing to a safer pace. 
Even then, Namjoon doesn’t move. His hands release some pressure from your cheeks, his thumbs now tentatively caressing your cheekbones. You remain like this for another heartbeat or two, before he pulls back reluctantly. Somewhere in the distance you can faintly make out a whooping noise, an encouraging “GET IT, BOY!” coming from someone who sounds suspiciously like Taehyung.
Namjoon’s lips still hover over yours, his breath warm on your skin as he sighs. His forehead bumps against yours as you breathe steady, not being able to stop a smile from appearing. You can hear him chuckle even though your eyes are still closed.
“That wasn’t exactly how I imagined our first kiss,” he mumbles against your cheek.
At once, you can feel yourself blushing, the blood rushing to your face coloring your cheeks an adorable pink. You lean back, putting enough distance between you both to lock eyes with him. “Namjoon, I -”
“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” he says, shooting you a shy lopsided smile. “I think this is a conversation more comfortably held on lower ground.”
You nod in agreement, pursing your lips as your gaze wanders to the edge of your seat. “I mean, I could use a little more of that distraction,” you dare him.
Namjoon releases a short, heartfelt laugh before pulling you closer. His kiss feels even warmer than the last one, all hesitation gone and replaced by meaning.
Your seat gently rocks back and forth as the Ferris wheel engine kicks back to life, and you catch yourself wishing you never had to come down.
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