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#or if I do sleep it’s only briefly and then I lie in bed awake for hours
allur1ngs · 4 months
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✮ enflame ✮
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TW: bada being too fine for her own good, a little bit of possessive!bada, lots of protective!bada, cold!bada (to anyone who isn't you), super brief mentions of violence, bada having beef w your bodyguard, pushy men, btw the picture to the farthest right is purely for aesthetics and not meant to represent reader’s skin tone or body type!!
SUMMARY: you manage to tear bada away from her work for an evening of shopping, where the soft spot she has for you is unveiled.
part iii. bloody knuckles
WC: 2.9k
A/N: read this for more background on this au. this is not exactly a part two to the headcanons but i got this idea out of nowhere so yeahhh
DISCLAIMER: all characteristics portrayed are purely speculation and fiction, they are not meant to reflect bada's actual character, values, or attitudes. please keep this in mind!!
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From the moment Bada arose from her slumber, she sensed that her day would be draining. Usually, waking up before the sun had the chance to peak above the horizon wasn't difficult for her—so many years of doing so had made sleep fatigue all too familiar. However, last night, she stayed awake into the wee hours of the morning, something she typically tried to avoid.
So when her body starts to naturally wake up only a few hours later, she groans loudly into her pillow, squeezing her eyes shut and mentally cursing her past self for staying up so late.
Although all she wants is to stay in bed more than anything, she forces herself to rise from her plush king-sized bed and tosses the warm sheets aside.
Briefly, she turns around to gaze at the spot where she had just been lying when a thought strikes her. You must be asleep in your own bedroom. Curled up in a similar, large bed, a pocket of heat cradling your figure while your chest slowly rises and falls. Your eyes must be tightly shut, eyelashes fluttering as you fight to remain asleep despite the rays of sunlight that will soon begin to peek through your curtains. Your soft lips must be pursed together. Your lips...
Bada wishes you both shared the same bed. She wishes she hadn't been so courteous to buy you a new bed, comfortable sheets, and all the amenities you needed when you first arrived. She wishes instead that you were lying in her bed. She wishes she could wrap her arms around you, and pull you close whilst you slept. She wishes she could foster a beautiful heat between your two bodies. She wishes she could run her fingers across your skin--
Bada shakes her head, sighs loudly, and turns away sharply from her bed. She rubs her eyes as she makes her way over to her dresser, mumbling berating words under her breath for thinking of you in such a way. It's not appropriate and beyond that, those types of thoughts lead to feelings, which she does not--cannot have for you.
Bada's day seems to worsen after dressing herself in her usual attire, a freshly ironed black suit and slacks. The fabric touches her uncomfortably, and still feeling the edges of sleep mar her vision, everything is suddenly bothering her.
But the final nail in the coffin is when Lusher, one of Bebe's most trusted mafia members, walks into her office hours later, carrying a tray of breakfast.
Immediately looking up from the papers in front of her, Bada expects to see your lovely face greet her, but is met with Lusher's cheeky expression instead. She tries not to display her palpable disappointment, but concealing her feelings has never quite been her strong suit. Her mother had told her this many times when she was younger.
"Don't jump out of your seat in excitement, now." Lusher jokes, placing the breakfast tray on the desk.
Bada's lips tighten into a firm, thin line as she stares down at the food, feeling her hunger quickly escape her. "Thanks."
"I know I'm not who you wanted to see, but I can't lie, your disappointment hurts me." Lusher moves a hand to her chest, acting like she'd been wounded.
Bada sighs, shaking her head. "Why isn't she here this morning?"
"Still in bed, apparently." Lusher clasps her hands behind her back. "We found her asleep on the couches late last night. She must have been waiting for you to leave your office so she could wish you a good night, but ended up falling asleep out of exhaustion."
The butterflies that dance in Bada's stomach internally, are a stark contrast to the disapproving expression she wears externally. "I've told her many times not to wait up for me. It's not healthy to be staying up so late."
Lusher sighs dramatically. "You're telling me. How many times have I asked you to head to bed earlier?"
"That's different." Bada denies while picking up her golden ink pen and continuing to write. "I have work to do. Waiting so late into the morning just to wish me a good night is..."
"Sweet? Incredibly kind, and definitely a testament to how endearing your fiancée is?"
Bada clicks her tongue in annoyance. "What are you still doing here? Don't you have something better to do than bothering me?"
"You know there's nothing I like more than bothering you." Lusher shoots back with a sly smile.
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Bada tried to continue working, she really did. She attempted to push through filling out papers, even though her wrist was screaming at her to take a break. However, come midday, she was already fed up.
Ruffling her hair and groaning loudly, Bada stands up from her table, the chair she'd been sitting out whining loudly against the floor. She wastes no time in shuffling to the door, grabbing the handle, and pulling it open.
Right when she does, she catches a flash of your figure walking down the hall toward her, your bodyguard only a few paces behind you. As her gaze connected with yours, she felt as if the world transformed, shifting from monochrome sketches to vibrant watercolor paintings
"Oh." You speak first, an easy smile finding your lips. "Good afternoon, Bada."
"Good afternoon." She greets back, trying her damnedest not to sound overjoyed at your presence. "Were you coming to see me?"
"I was." You nod. "I just wanted to let you know I'm planning on going to the mall."
"Are you now?" Bada says absentmindedly, her hand coming up to clutch at her tie and loosen it. The fabric suddenly feels much too tight around her neck.
"Yes..." You trail off, your eyes taking in how Bada's pale and lithe fingers grab at her tie and jostle it around, making it dangle a bit messily across her collarbones. Such a simple action should not be so attractive, no--it shouldn't. It's really ridiculous how easy it is for your fiancée to be so naturally alluring.
"That sounds nice." She hums. "Are you looking to buy something in particular?"
"No, not really." You shake your head. "I'm really just going to look around, and not stay at home all day."
Home. Bada's heart warms at you calling the mansion you both reside in your home. Although it technically is, it's different for you to perceive it as such. It means you feel comfortable here, with her--living with her--
"You should come with me." Your voice brings Bada out of her stupor, her eyes immediately finding yours.
Her mouth opens and closes dumbly, a clear look of shock painted across her face. She tries to quickly gather her bearings, half-heartedly muttering out, "I--I wish I could, but I have a lot of work to do--"
"Bada, all you do is work," you remark, crossing your arms over your chest. She has to force herself not to think about how cute you look doing so. "You deserve to have some downtime. Even if it is only for a few hours."
She stands there, still a bit shell-shocked, staring at you before her eyes shift to the figure behind you, finding your bodyguard, who is trying very hard to conceal her amused smile behind a shaky hand.
Bada's gaze turns icy as she eyes down your bodyguard, prompting the subordinate to immediately turn away and dispel her smile. "All right. I'll come with you."
"Wait, really?" You awe, your eyes going wide and your smile growing. "I didn't think you'd actually say yes."
"Well, you're right. I do need a break. At the rate I'm working at now, I'll never do anything productive by the end of the day." Bada admits with a tired smile. "Are you ready to go, then?"
"Yes." You begin to nod, but your smile slowly turns into a frown. "But you should change into different clothing."
For the second time that day, Bada is left surprised by your boldness. "Change? Why?"
"Don't you want to wear something other than a suit for once?" You ask innocently. "It seems... stuffy to be in it all day."
"Stuffy." She laughs breathily. "I guess you're right." Bada looks between you and your bodyguard. "Will you be all right to wait for me?"
"Of course." You smile.
"Great." She smiles back.
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When Bada comes back, she isn't wearing her usual black suit. And although you'd been the one to suggest it, you're not quite ready for how amazing she looks in casual clothing.
A black leather jacket is draped over her shoulders, with slick white lines running down the sleeves and across the chest. She has paired the jacket with matching black leather pants and a black shirt.
In that moment, you want to scream at whatever higher power exists for making your fiancée so unfairly attractive. How were you supposed to act normal around her when her mere presence makes you hot below the collar?
Well, despite your internal struggles you give her a compliment before you're off to the mall, hopping into a sleek black sports car and speed away.
Your first destination in the large mall is a relatively luxurious clothing store. You can't lie; you had wanted to go into the store since you passed it on one of your trips to the mall without Bada, but you were too intimidated to enter. However, now, with her by your side, you feel much more comfortable stepping into the expensive store.
Approaching the door, your bodyguard begins to step forward, about to open the door for you like she always does, but Bada is quicker. She grabs onto the handle and opens the door, stepping aside to make room for you to walk in.
You look at her and smile while mumbling a soft thank you, to which she gives you a small smile back and nods. Your bodyguard begins to walk in after you, but again Bada is faster and enters the store, letting the door swing closed behind her. It almost hits your bodyguard in the face, making her flinch back and sigh.
"Keep a look out from there," Bada tells her sternly through the glass doors.
"Yes, Boss," your bodyguard begrudgingly mumbles back, understanding that this is payback for teasing your fiancée earlier.
Bada turns back around, her eyes easily finding you in the small crowd of people. You're looking around the store with wide eyes, a smile gracing your lips as you observe the embellished clothing around you. She smiles fondly to herself, finding every expression of yours much too cute for your own good.
However, before she can make her way to you, the familiar sound of a voice greets her from behind. Turning around, she finds In-Su, one of her business partners and the owner of the clothing store. Greeting him back, an air of professionalism immediately envelops her as she begins to engage in conversation with him
Meanwhile, you're in your own personal heaven. The clothing you've been browsing is exactly your style, and despite the high prices, you know you can afford it all, thanks to the black credit card Bada had gifted you.
A few minutes later, your hands are already starting to get full as you reach to pull another article of clothing from the rack when you suddenly feel a firm force push into your side, causing you to lose your balance and almost fall to the floor. making you lose your balance and almost fall to the floor. Thankfully, you manage to steady yourself before you do, huffing while turning to your right to see what--or more accurately who--had bumped into you.
"Excuse me." A well-dressed man stands a few feet away from you, his lips forming a snobbish frown.
Despite your irritation, you instinctively apologize. "Oh, sorry--"
"It's fine." He cuts you off, eyeing you up and down. "You should be careful where you stand."
Internally, you scoff at the man, but externally, you only mumble another half-hearted apology before turning away and walking down another aisle.
"Have I seen you before?" The man follows after you.
"I don't think so." You answer back flatly, trying to ignore him and busy yourself by flipping through pairs of jackets.
"I swear I've seen you before. I never forget the face of a beautiful woman."
This time, you're unable to control your expression and outwardly cringe. Is this random man who bumped into you flirting with you right now? After acting so rude?
You say nothing to him in response, choosing to completely ignore him instead.
"You know, when someone compliments you, it's common courtesy to say thank you."
Now you're starting to get increasingly anxious. You don't feel brave enough to confront the man, but he doesn't seem to understand that you're not interested and clearly uncomfortable with his advances.
Taking your silence in offense, the man scowls before grabbing your wrist rather roughly, making you drop all the clothing you'd been holding, and twists you around to face him.
You gasp at his painful hold, attempting to break away from him but unable to due to the sheer strength of his grip. "Let me--" you begin, but the words die in your mouth upon seeing someone standing behind him.
The man, who had been staring you down, notices the shift in your expression and suddenly becomes aware of a very strong presence behind him. He turns around, still gripping your wrist, and comes face to face with a scarily calm Bada Lee.
"Do you need something?" He snaps at her dumbly.
Bada stares down at him with steely eyes, her expression so devoid of emotion you're almost terrified for him. "I believe I should be asking you that question. Is there a reason why you're touching my fiancée?"
The man looks between you and Bada, scoffing disapprovingly. "Tch, she didn't tell me she was engaged."
"Even if she wasn't, in what world would it be appropriate to touch a woman who clearly isn't interested in your pathetic advances like that?" She asks rhetorically, her voice rising with every syllable. Clearly, her anger was getting to her.
The man grits his teeth, feeling his ego bruise because not only is Bada embarrassing him, but she's also easily intimidating him with her presence. "Hey, just who do you think you are?" He raises his voice to match hers.
"I think the real question is," Bada takes a step closer, leaving hardly any space between her and him, "who the fuck do you think you are?"
In that moment, the man's entire demeanor shifts. He turns to look around the store, finding every shopper, worker, and even the store owner staring back at him, eyebrows furrowed, and eyes set into firm glares. Some of them have their hands in their pockets or are grabbing something hidden next to them. His face pales, and looking back at Bada, her face starts to become familiar. He hadn't recognized her out of her normal formal attire, but now--
He gulps, quickly letting go of your wrist like your skin burned him and steps away from you both, his posture shrinking. He starts to make his way toward the exit, attempting to ignore the stares of everyone in the store but is stopped before he can make it out.
"And where do you think you're going?" Bada's hardened voice echoes through the store, making the man freeze in his spot, his entire body going rigid.
Bada's footsteps slowly approach him from behind again and stop just shy of him.
"You made her drop her clothing."
The man turns around, avoiding eye contact with Bada and finding your eyes instead. He's about to mumble an apology when she speaks up again.
"Pick it up." She demands flatly.
The man stays still in his spot, shocked and embarrassed. But clearly, he didn't move fast enough for Bada's liking, because he feels himself get shoved in your direction, almost falling onto his face.
"Do it. Now." She says, her voice bordering on yelling.
Immediately, the man throws himself onto the floor, scrambling to pick up every article of clothing he made you drop. He does so as quickly as possible, then stands up, about to pass you the clothing, when he feels Bada's unwavering gaze bore into him and decides it's in his best interest not to touch you anymore, so he carefully drapes the clothes across your arms.
He turns back to face Bada, approaching her with a cold sweat.
"Hold on." She stops him yet again. "You bumped into her, didn't you?"
"I--" He tries to explain himself but is cut off.
"Apologize."
This time, the man wastes no time in fulfilling her demands. He turns to you, apologizing profusely while shaking like a leaf. You're unable to even think about accepting his apologies before he practically runs to the store doors, throws them open, trying to leave the mall. But as always, Bada is ten steps ahead.
She nods at your bodyguard, who grabs onto the man's suit with little effort, turns him around, and punches him straight in the gut.
Bada then steps in front of you, blocking you from seeing what your bodyguard is doing to the man. Her hands grab the clothing from your arms, relieving you of their weight before slinging them across her right shoulder. She then gently holds your wrist up to her eyes, the ice behind them shifting to a warm and caring glow.
"Does it hurt?" She asks softly.
You feel your body turn to mush at the attention she gives you. "A little."
Bada sighs, leans in, and places her soft lips against your wrist, kissing it with a reverence and sweetness everyone besides you is surprised to see.
It's clear to everyone that the ice around Bada's heart melts only for you.
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enflame: to excite to excessive or uncontrollable action or feeling
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zepskies · 3 months
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Smoke Eater - Part 17
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Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader 
Summary: Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real. 
That’s when he meets you, on a truly terrible day, trapped in a rickety old elevator.
AN: Ready for some feels? ❤️‍🩹
🔥 Series Masterlist
Word Count: 5,500 Tags/Warnings: Angst, injuries, hurt/comfort and feels, tinge of spice.~
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Part 17: “The Real Deal”
The first time Dean was awake for longer than a few minutes, he asked about you.
Sam wasn’t surprised. He was frankly relieved that he had an answer for his brother.
“She has carbon monoxide poisoning,” he said. Dean’s brows furrowed, but before he could start worrying too badly, Sam cut in again. “She’s okay. They’ve got her on 100% oxygen. Eileen and Andréa are with her right now.”
Dean nodded on a breath of relief, despite coughing himself. He still wore an oxygen mask, but he knew his exposure hadn’t been as bad as yours.
“CO poisoning’s no joke. Don’t let her take off that damn mask for anything until they clear her,” he said.
Sam raised a placating hand. “Don’t worry. She knows she’s got to stay put this time.”
Dean shook his head. You were so damn stubborn. He still couldn’t believe you’d dragged yourself out of bed within minutes of waking up, just to see him.
…Well, he could believe it, but he didn’t have to like it.
“Okay, do you need anything before Eileen and I run home to get you guys some stuff?” Sam asked.
He’d already drawn up a list for both you and Dean of things you two would need for the next couple of days in the hospital. Dean’s stay would likely be longer than yours.
“Nah, I’m good, man,” Dean replied.
He was still trying to find a comfortable position in bed. His back couldn’t fully touch the mattress, so he had to lie on one side or the other. Truth be told, it sucked. His head swam with the effects of the painkillers and antibiotics they were pumping him with, along with his head injury.
While his body wanted to keep sleeping, Dean wanted to see you. He wanted to make sure you were all right. He wanted to know what happened before the fire, and how you’d found out about Nick being Azazel’s son.
And he wanted to get you both home.
He wasn’t sure if he was going to get to do any of those things, any time soon.  
Sam saw his discomfort and frowned in sympathy. He went over to help Dean shift onto his other side. Dean shot him a look of annoyance, but Sam was firm.
“Let me help, or I’m calling Nurse Jeff,” he warned.
Dean's lips pursed. Jeff was nice and all, but Dean could concede this time. At least when it was his brother helping him, he didn’t feel like a complete invalid.  
“Andréa’s gonna stay with her?” Dean asked, while Sam helped him ease over and nodded at his question.
“Yeah. Ellen and Jo are on the way too. They’ll keep you company.”
Dean wanted to quip that he didn’t need a babysitter, but he held it in. It would be nice to see Ellen. He remembered seeing his father, briefly, before he fell back asleep. Sam told him John had gone back to the precinct to work out their protective detail, once you and Dean were eventually discharged from the hospital.
Over the last few hours, the rest of his team from Firehouse 25 had come in to see him in small groups, including Benny, Gordon, and Jack, Meg and Chuck, and Bobby himself, with his gruff worrying. Dean knew the Chief felt responsible anytime his firefighters got hurt, but Dean also knew the only one to blame was himself.
Still, he didn’t regret breaking ranks to go and find you. He’d never regret that choice.
Sam’s hand on his shoulder grounded Dean back into reality.
“Okay, I’ll be back,” said Sam.
Dean nodded, with a hint of a smile. “All right, Sasquatch. Get goin’ then.”   
Sam’s face betrayed his dry amusement…and a hint of fondness. He squeezed the shoulder he held, and hesitated, almost like he was steadying himself before he left his brother alone.
“Hey,” Dean said. He gave his little brother a true smile, if one edged with tiredness. “I’m okay. I don’t break easy.”
After a moment, Sam nodded. His lips flickered at a smile.
“Yeah, I know,” he replied, clearing his throat. Before they both might’ve succumbed to a dreaded “chick flick moment,” as Dean called them, there was a knock at the door. Ellen’s head soon peeked through into the hospital room. She smiled as soon as her gaze landed on Sam and Dean.
“There’s my boys,” she said. Sam welcomed her in, along with Jo, before he slipped out. The Harvelles brought food, of course, for you and Dean. And Ellen had bought some flowers.
Dean took off his oxygen mask and teased her a little. “Ooh, for me? You shouldn’t have.”
Ellen shook her head at his familiar antics. Jo came up on his other side of his bed and gave him a softer smile than usual. He tried to return it.
“These are for your girl,” said Ellen. “How’s she doin’? Have you been able to see her?”
Dean’s good humor dimmed. “She’s got carbon monoxide poisoning from the fire, but Sam tells me she’s resting. I haven’t been able to get over there yet.”
Ellen frowned, but she nodded and rubbed his arm. “Okay, well you just stay here and rest. I’ll go over and bring these to her, make sure she’s doing all right. Then I’ll come back and give you a full report. How’s that?”
Dean met her gaze with relief and gratefulness in his. “Thanks, Ellen.”
She nodded, giving him a motherly pat on the cheek. Maybe her brown eyes welled up with tears she would refuse to shed. And maybe Dean pretended he didn’t see them, knowing how she’d hate for him to call her out.  
“You two are gonna be just fine,” she said. Dean agreed with a nod and a smile. She left soon after with the flowers, discreetly wiping at her face.
When the door shut behind her, Jo took a seat beside his bed. She was looking around at the wires, the monitors, the minor burns and scrapes on his face, while trying not to look at the gauze spanning his upper back.
“How’re you really feeling?” she asked eventually, when she was able to meet his gaze.
Dean chuckled a little. “Like shit.”
She laughed too, though it soon ended in tears. She bit her lip against it, with her eyes squeezing shut.
Dean faltered. “Hey, none a’ that.”
It was an effort, but he reached for her shoulder. She clasped his hand there, then she held it between both of hers. Dean squeezed her hands.
“I’m okay. Scouts honor,” he said. He wished he didn’t have to keep telling people that, but here they were.
When she drew his hand against her cheek though, Dean internally sighed. He had to pull away.
Jo felt the loss of his hand, and of him. She looked up at him with sad blue eyes. Dean couldn’t answer her. Or at least, he couldn’t give her the one she wanted.
She ducked her head and tried not to cry harder.
“Jo,” Dean sighed. “Listen to me.”
She wiped at her face and managed to look up at him again. He was direct, but still gentle as he could be.
“You know I love you like family,” he said, “but you also know…I can’t be that guy for you.”
Her brows furrowed as she shook her head. “We had something, Dean.”
“We did,” he acknowledged. He could admit that much, even as he blew out a breath. “I fucked it up.”
At that, Jo’s face shifted towards resignation. “I did my fair share.”
“You were worried about me on the job, that’s all.”
“But you also didn’t fight for me. The second it got hard, you left and called it quits.”
“I know,” Dean admitted. He thought hard, and he nodded. He was a different man when he and Jo began. He hadn’t totally figured out what it was he wanted. He’d just known, instinctively, that it was different with her. He’d wanted to try to be more for her.
But, he’d let Ellen’s warnings and his own fears take over. He knew he’d been a coward, and at the time, he’d convinced himself that Jo was better off without that in her life. He knew now how that had just been a nice justification for breaking her heart.
“I know,” he repeated. “I guess I wasn’t ready for the real deal…but you’re the first one who made me want to try.”
Jo heaved a tremulous sigh, laced with tears that she brushed away from her face. She had already known it, deep down, but now she supposed she had closure. She knew now that he loved you, for real.
“And she’s the one who made it stick,” Jo supplied.
“Yeah,” Dean said. The truth was in his eyes. She’s the one.
After a moment, in which Jo locked away the rest of her heartbreak and denied herself a flash of jealousy, she wiped her face dry and looked up at Dean.  
“Then you rest up,” she said, with a small smile and red-rimmed eyes. “And whatever happens next, you better fight for her.”
Dean smiled back. He gestured at his prone form with a hand.
“And what do you think I’m doing here?”
“Looks to me like you’re sitting on your ass,” she quipped.
Dean laughed so hard he started coughing. Jo shook her head and helped him put his oxygen mask back on.
“God, you’re a mess,” she said.
Dean gave her a mock incredulous look. “Hey, no sympathy for the injured here?”
“If it was sympathy you wanted, you should’ve kept the mask on.”
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Hours later, Sam and Eileen came back freshly showered and with plenty of clothes and necessities for you and Dean. And when his hospital room door opened, Dean fought through the haze of the drugs and his swimming head to wake up. He smiled at Eileen, who stepped through the door first. But then his eyes widened.
Sam carefully guided you in a wheelchair, with your oxygen tank rolling in next to you. You held the mask to your face, but Dean still spotted the edge of your smile.
Your eyes shone bright with unshed tears the closer you came. He had to clear his throat himself before he reached for your hand at the same time you held out for his.
“Hey,” you said.
“Hey, yourself,” Dean replied. He brought your hand to his lips and held it there. “How you doin’, sweetheart?”
“I’m okay, thanks to you,” you said, smiling, even though your voice shook. Tears slipped down your cheeks. Your lips trembled, and your face ducked down. “I’m so…so sorry.”
Dean frowned and squeezed your hand. “Don’t you do that. This isn’t on you.”
You shook your head, like you didn’t believe him. Or you didn’t want to believe.
He wasn’t having that.
“Hey, look at me,” he demanded. He tugged on your hand, until finally you did as he said. Your eyes were red and spilling over with tears. It made his heart clench, and out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Sam holding Eileen close. Both of them were getting emotional, though Sam was trying not to. 
Jo stood with her mother in the corner. While Ellen dabbed at her eyes, Jo had to avert her gaze. That part, Dean didn't notice, because his lips pressed together as he returned his attention back to you.
“You don’t gotta worry about me,” he said. “I’ll shake this in a few weeks. Tops.”
You nodded, but your denial was still obvious as your shoulders trembled. He could see there was no reasoning with you on this one, so he just tugged you closer—as close as you could get without leaving your wheelchair or taking off your oxygen mask.
He managed to reach for your face, soothing his thumb across your tear-stained cheek. You covered his hand and kept him there, for as long as he was able.
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You were discharged from the hospital a couple of days later. It was a few more before Dean was able to join you. He wasn’t happy to learn that his head injury would put him out of commission for at least one to three months.
You wished he would be more fair to himself. He’d suffered a subdural hematoma after he was struck by the beam. The doctor officially labelled it a TBI, or a concussion, and he was already dealing with headaches and bouts of vertigo.
Not to mention the large second-degree burn that was only just starting to heal across his upper back. The doctor also warned that he might suffer some mood swings, due to the head injury.
Meanwhile, you were starting to recover from your cuts and yellowing bruises. Though the carbon monoxide had been driven out of your system, you still had your own headaches, nausea, and a lingering cough.
You both were a bit of a mess. Sam and Eileen had incredible patience, and you were so grateful for their help in those first days back home in Sam and Dean’s apartment. However, you couldn’t shake off your nature to help as much as you could in taking care of Dean while Sam and Eileen were back at work.
You knew your boyfriend wasn’t used to being catered to. He didn’t like being, what he deemed in his mind, “useless.” In your mind, that was just too damn bad. He was going to be cared for whether he liked it or not.
So you helped Dean adjust where he lied in bed for the third time this morning, arranging the pillows just so. All while you ignored his crabby mood.
“How’s that?” you asked, fluffing one more pillow between the small of his back and the headboard. You’d managed to find a way for him to sit up without his upper back touching the bedframe.
“Fine,” he said grumpily. He was channel surfing on the TV above his dresser. “And it was fine half an hour ago.” 
His mood was always dour after a shower; it meant you had to help him stand, and make sure he didn’t kill himself by slipping and falling. You sighed and brushed your fingers through his wet hair, mindful of the shaved and bandaged portion on the back of his head. He sure was an awful patient. 
“You used to like it when I joined you in the shower,” you tried to tease gently. He shot you a glance.
“Yeah, that was before I could barely piss standing up,” he replied. You rubbed his arm.
“Come on, babe. Don’t be like this. You’ll be healed up in a couple of months, and we can put this behind us,” you said. If he really wanted you not to feel guilty about his current state, then he was doing a bang-up job.
Dean turned to you then, and you understood the look on his face. Will it really be over?
You couldn’t fault him for it because you didn’t know the answer either. You both knew that Savage & Co. burning down was likely just another battle with Azazel, not the end of the war. 
And that was when John and Cas arrived for a visit, with the doorbell interrupting the silence. It was the first time they’d come together, and that told you one thing: this was more than a familial check-in.
You welcomed them into the apartment and made some coffee for everyone. Cas helped you get the mugs ready in the kitchen. Meanwhile, it gave John a moment with his son.
John dragged a desk chair over and sat by Dean’s side of the bed.
“How’s your head?” John asked.
Dean nodded, though his face said he wished people would stop asking him that.
“On the mend,” he replied instead.
John nodded in return. The space between them was awkward and quiet, except for the drone of the TV. Both men had their protective walls and their thoughts, but neither one was able to lower their guard.
When you and Cas came into the room with fresh coffee, it was a silent relief all around. You sat beside Dean in bed and handed him a mug of decaf. You might’ve claimed it was the real stuff, but Dean’s nose knew the difference; he didn’t play when it came to his coffee. Yet another reason why he hated being on these antibiotics. 
“So, let’s start from the beginning,” John said. He lowered his mug into his lap and looked straight at you. “What happened before the fire? Start from the very top of the day.”
You took in a deep breath and glanced at both Cas and Dean. Cas seemed encouraging, while Dean looked just as grave and interested as his father. 
You explained everything from the moment Marv came to give you his report, intended for Nick. You were going to just leave it with his assistant, but his office door had been open a crack, and you’d heard the voices within. You’d been curious enough to approach the door and listen in.
You recounted what you’d heard between Nick and the other man.
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“We’re working together on this,” said Nick. “Keep an eye on the cop. Wait for an opportunity.”
“Together, huh? Azazel has his orders. You trying to take his place?” the other man replied. His voice was thin and nasal. You saw his profile, however. His eyes were dangerous.
Your eyes widened at the implications of his words though. Azazel?!
“Dad agrees with me. The guy’s not getting the hint, so we’ll need to remind him who really makes the rules,” Nick said.
Your eyes widened. Holy shit…Nick’s father is Azazel.
You clasped a hand over your mouth before the gasp could escape. A sharp breath still echoed through the hall. The men’s heads began to turn, but you did as well—away from the door and booking it down the hall as quietly and quickly as you could.
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You remembered going back to your office, just to find Nick Savage waiting for you.
Dean’s grip on the bedsheets tightened when you told that part of the story. You tried to spare the details, but there were some things you couldn’t avoid…
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A strong hand grabbed you and hefted you up. You felt a trickle of wetness rolling down the side of your face as you stared up into his. It must’ve been blood, but all you could focus on was the satisfaction in Nick’s eyes. Finally, they seemed to say.
But then he paused. Confusion was written across his face.
“Do you smell smoke?” he asked. You both saw it climbing under the door of your office.
It was a distraction that broke you out of your frozen fear.
On pure instinct, you jabbed at Nick’s ribs with your taser.
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“After I…managed to get out of my office, that’s when I saw the smoke,” you said. Your voice became a tad more unsteady as the memories flit through your mind.
“It was chaos. People were getting trampled trying to get down the stairs…and when we saw the fire coming from below too, I barely made it out of the stairwell.”
You raised a slightly trembling hand to your mouth, but a warm hand slipped into yours, taking it from you. You met Dean’s furrowed brows and softened eyes.
“Come ‘ere,” he said quietly. You let him pull you towards him, against his side, and you blinked past the sting of tears.
“The rest you guys know,” you continued. “I couldn’t get out. Dean and his guys came and found me. He got hurt trying to get us out of there.”
Dean’s hand rubbed up and down your arm in comfort. He pressed a kiss to your forehead while you wiped at the few tears that managed to escape.
“Did you see Nick at all after what happened in the office?” John asked.
You shook your head. “No. I hope he burned to a damn crisp.”
“He’s officially missing, but his body hasn’t yet been identified from the remains at the building site,” said Cas.
That sobered you. You knew there were many people who hadn’t made it out of the building in time. You just couldn’t fathom the kind of person who would intentionally set that fire, damn the costs.
“What about the other man he was talking to?” John asked. You shook your head, but you provided a detailed description of him, from what you could remember: tall and lean, graying short hair, a nasal sounding voice.
“Any other details you can remember? Anything at all. Could be something you saw or heard, or even smelled,” John pressed.
Your lips pursed. The stress alone of reliving all of this was giving you a headache, not to mention making your chest feel tight. Your reply was a bit more clipped than you intended.
“What, other than the part where I was fighting for my life?” you said. “I think I gave a pretty good statement of the events, Detective.”
John paused. His mouth firmed, but he watched you with more sympathetic eyes. Dean saw that his father was trying to ease up. He rubbed your back in comfort again.
“All right, it’s okay,” said Dean. “You did good.”
You glanced at him and took a small, steadying breath. You relaxed a bit and met John’s gaze.
“I’m sorry,” you said, with sincerity. “If I remember something else, I’ll let you know.”
John nodded.
“That’s all right. We’ve got enough to arrest Nick Savage on assault charges, once we find him.” He shared a brief look with Cas. “In the meantime, we’ve got a couple of guys stationed outside the apartment building here. They’ll keep an eye on things.”
You and Dean nodded; it was a relief, but also disconcerting to know the police were watching you. A chime on your phone soon distracted you though. You reached over for where it lay on your nightstand and read the reminder notification. You turned to Dean.
“Ready for your pain meds?” you asked him. You saw the answer in the tightness around his tired eyes. You rubbed a soothing hand on his thigh. “You should eat something first though. Want some of the soup Eileen made?”
Dean shrugged, making an unenthusiastic sound. Your head tilted as you considered him. Then, an idea struck you.
“Ooh, I could make you a grilled cheese on the side,” you offered in a tempting tone. Your leading smile was just enough to get Dean to smile back, if more reserved.
“Hmm?” you prompted. “Come on, three different cheeses on some buttery bread…”
His smile became more genuine. “Okay, sounds good.”
You nodded and pat his thigh once more. You looked up at the detectives.
“You guys want lunch?” you asked. John started to shake his head, but Dean cut in.
“Trust me, you want to get in on this,” he said. The promise of your cooking managed to cut through some of the haze of his pain and discomfort.
Cas conceded first, with a nod. Though he got up from where he’d been sitting at the end of the bed.
“I’ll help,” he said, rolling up his sleeves. He soon followed you downstairs into the kitchen.
Again, it left father and son glancing at one another in silence. John was leaning elbows on his knees, hands folded. His lips drew upwards as he looked up at his oldest.
“Want some advice from an old man?” he asked.
“What’s that?” Dean replied.
John nodded, quirking a smile. “Hold onto that girl.”
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A couple of weeks later, however, tensions were still running high. Dean was frustrated with his own inability, worsening with each bout of vertigo, and every time the pain in his skull necessitated a pill to cope with it. Part of it was also that he needed so much of your help when Sam was at work.
Every time Dean saw you cooking, cleaning, changing his bandages, reminding him to take his meds, helping him get around when he was feeling off…
He was grateful, more than you knew. He just couldn’t feel right about letting you do it all when he saw how tired you were. You were still healing up too. And he could only imagine how stressed you were after everything you’d been through in the past few weeks. Hell, in the past few months.
He felt guilty, and useless, and angry at how you’d gotten caught up in all this, and at Nick Savage and Azazel and everything in between.
So Dean now stewed in all of this while he sat watching mindless reruns of some dumbass show about fake ghost hunters, even though he was trying not to think of anything at all. Somehow he had nothing to do but think, even though the meds he was taking often made him want to crawl into bed and sleep.
You appeared from down the hall, looking and smelling like your nice floral soap after a shower, wearing nothing more than one of his old shirts. Your thighs were bare. Your hair was twisted up on top of your head, just asking to be taken down with a practiced hand. 
Dean liked the look of you.
Not that I can do anything about it, came a dull reminder.
You came around the couch with a roll of gauze and a medicated cream for his burns.
“Okay, Dean. Let’s go ahead and change the bandages,” you said, nodding at his back.
He was reluctant to move. He was finally somewhat comfortable sitting in the corner of the couch with a shit ton of pillows propped against his lower back. And he hadn’t told you this, but a headache had been building for the last hour. He’d been trying to wean himself off the pain meds.
“It can wait until Sam gets home,” he said. “Why don’t you relax? Take a nap or something.”
You frowned at him, tilting your head. “Sam works late every night. Doesn’t it make more sense to get it over with now?”
“You see it would, if you hadn’t already done it yesterday,” Dean replied, with a dry edge to his tone.
You arched a brow at him. You'd re-bandaged the burn across his back yesterday morning. It was now late afternoon.
“The doctor said once a day,” you said. “You want to get an infection?”
The back of Dean’s head pulsed with pain. He gritted his teeth in trying to ignore it.
“You want to get off my back? Literally?” he snarked.
You frowned at him and set down the medical supplies. Your hands went to your hips as you looked down at him.
“I don’t appreciate the attitude,” you said. “I’m just trying to help you.”
“I get that, but you don’t have to take care of me right now,” he said. “You can just let me watch this shitty-ass show in peace.”
Your brows knitted together. Both of you were stubborn, if in different flavors. You tried to come at it with a gentler approach, drawing near him to set a hand on his shoulder.
“I know it’s unpleasant, but you can’t change your bandages by yourself,” you said. Your thumb swept along his neck. You really hated seeing him in so much discomfort. “Don’t you want to get it over with so you can relax for the rest of the day?”
A sharper pain pulsed behind his eyes for a moment, making Dean take in a deeper breath through his nose. He could later admit, he lost patience with you (and his temper).
He turned off the TV and tossed down the remote.
“What is this compulsive need you have to control everything? Do everything?” he snapped. “Contrary to what you might think, I don’t need you to wipe my ass! Just give it a goddamn rest!”
Irritation was hot under his skin…until he actually looked up at your face. The open-mouthed look of shock, and hurt, your eyes welling up with tears as your hand fell away from his shoulder…
That’s when Dean knew this concussion was fucking with him.
There was no way he could be this much of an asshole, could he?
“Shit. Baby,” he tried, but you shook your head at him, making a negative sound when he reached for you. You walked away from him.
“Son of a bitch,” he muttered. “Hold on!”
His first attempt to get off the couch was unsuccessful, and it made his head swim. He grimaced in annoyance, but he used the couch and the coffee table as leverage and pushed through onto his feet.
Once he knew he was steady, he thought he heard you in the kitchen. He found you there, trying to hide your face behind the open door of the pantry while you cried. It broke his heart, really.
“Sweetheart,” he called to you. His hand rested on your back, prompting you to look up at him with red, watery eyes.
“What now?” you asked. “Want to yell at me some more?”
Dean’s sad frown deepened as he tugged you closer, guiding you into his arms.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I really am. I don’t know where the hell that came from.” 
Maybe the knife stabbing through the back of your head, 'cause you're too stubborn to take all your damn meds, came the dry edge of his conscience.
You held onto him as tightly as you dared while you pressed your tear-stained face into his chest.
“That wasn’t you, Dean,” you said. “I get that you’re in pain, and that you're frustrated, but you don’t have to white-knuckle it. Or take it out on me, for that matter.”
“…I know,” he agreed, laying a kiss on your forehead. “If it happens again, I give you full permission to slap me. Concussion be damned.”
You snorted at that, despite a couple more tears slipping down your cheeks. You wiped them away.
“I know I was being a bit pushy,” you said, with a sigh. “But Sam does work late. I’d feel like shit just lying around here waiting for him to help you. And I’m the reason this all happened anyway, so I might as well—”
“Wait. Stop,” Dean said. He pulled away so he could grasp your arms and look down at you. His brows furrowed, and his jaw worked. “What did you just say?”
You looked up at him, and he saw the vulnerability in your eyes. Your lips pressed together, and you averted your gaze.
“No,” he said, curling his fingers under your chin and lifting your face back up to his. He didn’t like what he saw.
“Okay. Sit with me,” he said. He guided you to the dining table, where he pulled out both chairs. After you sat, he raised a waiting finger to you, just so he could grab his prescription from the kitchen counter and down what should've been his morning dose of pain medication with some water. Then he returned to the table and sat across from you.
By the time he got you to look at him again, your eyes were already filled with tears. He took your hands in both of his.
“What happened to me wasn’t your fault,” Dean said at last. He’d said it before, but apparently it hadn’t gotten through your head.
“You disobeyed a direct order to find me,” you argued. 
“I would’ve gotten called to that fire no matter what,” Dean countered. Still, that didn’t seem to sway you.
“You don’t know what it was like,” you said. You squeezed his hands, and your voice shook. “When I saw you in the ICU…”
All those wires, the newly wrapped burns, the oxygen mask, his skin pale and clammy, and his eyes closed…
“Before you got to me, of course I was scared. For a minute there, I thought I was going to die,” you managed to say. His hold tightened on yours. “But in that room, it was…it was different. It was you, but it was also my grandfather all over again. And I was so damn afraid.”
After that confession, you crumbled once again.
Dean slid his chair forward and held you close. His fingers swept through your hair after taking down your haphazard bun. He managed to pull you into his lap and he shushed you gently.
He glanced up heavenward and actually asked George for the right thing to say to you right now, because he had no damn clue.
After a moment, he released a humorless chuckle.
“You wanna know fear?” he said. “When my dad told me what you’d found out about Nick. And when I got the call that the building was on fire, somehow, I knew you were still in there.”
His fingers brushed along the shallow cut above your brow that was still healing.
“You had to deal with that bastard by yourself. That alone pretty much kills me,” Dean admitted. “And if I hadn’t gotten to you when I did…I’ll never regret that. Ever. I’ll take the whole damn building on top of me if that’s what it takes.”
You leaned back and shook your head at him, but he took your chin between his fingers and stilled you.   
“But I told you,” Dean said firmly. “I’m not leaving you.”
Your eyes met his before you let out a shaky breath. Maybe this time you would believe him.
He leaned down and kissed you soundly, so you’d get the idea. Your hand reached up to caress his cheek, and you moaned when his tongue caressed yours. His hand tightened on your hip.
“Dean.” Your warning was gentle. The doctor hadn’t cleared this yet for him, and he knew it.
“Just a little bit,” he said, smiling against your lips. His hand slipped under your (his) shirt and teased the edge of your panties.
You sighed with conflicting need when you felt the pads of his fingers stroke you through the fabric. It also stroked your arousal back to life.
“Okay, bedroom,” you caved. “But go easy. I’m serious, Dean.”
He smirked and pressed a kiss to the side of your head.
“Oh, I’ll definitely be easy.”
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AN: Lol trust Dean to push his limits there. 😅 We also got some closure on the Jo & Dean arc, some supportive Sam and Eileen, and some major feels.
In Part 18, Sam and John work together to try and pin down Nick and Daniel/Azazel, Law & Order style...
Next Time:
The charges included four counts of murder in the first degree: the murders-for-hire, enacted by Alastair Rolston.
Followed by attempted murder in the first degree, ten counts of murder in the second degree (those who had lost their lives in the most recent building fire), conspiracy to commit murder, arson, and if that weren’t enough, a charge each of attempted sexual assault and sexual harassment.
When the last two charges were read out loud in the courtroom, Nick looked visibly angry.
Sam glanced over at the defendant with thinly veiled satisfaction. Some days, it was difficult for him to come to work.
Today was not that day.
“All right, that is a laundry list of potential misdeeds,” Judge Deveraux remarked. He looked up at Nick Savage. “How does the defendant plead?”
At the prodding of his lawyer, Amelia Richardson, Nick spoke up.
“Not guilty,” he said. Though he rolled his eyes, as if this was a waste of his time.
“What’s the deal here, Mr. Winchester?” Judge Devereaux asked.
“The primary charges are murder-for-hire, your Honor,” Sam replied.
Keep Reading: PART 18
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Dean Winchester Masterlist
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320 notes · View notes
cupidjyu · 3 months
Text
good for you
jacob x reader (requested by the one and only @zzoguri!!)
the 3 times you and jacob could have had something more and the 1 time you actually did.
genre: best friends to lovers, university au, pining by mostly jacob, confessions, misunderstandings, mentioned exes, reader has abandonment issues oops, kissing for practice, cuddles, their love language is sleeping together, gentle kind understanding sweetie jacob notes: i hope you enjoy this !!! i loved writing this request!!! <33 and again, im sorry this took so long :( see you whenever i can! word count: 14.7k
“You’re a lifesaver,” You groaned once you noticed Jacob entering your dorm with a paper bag of freshly baked cookies in his hand. You jumped off your bed, slightly crumpling the endless papers of notes laid out across your sheets. Stumbling over to where he was staring at you with concern, you clung to his arm, cupped his face with one hand, and pressed an obnoxiously loud kiss on his cheek.
“Is it that bad?” He stared at you, unimpressed. 
“Yeah?” You narrowed your eyes at him before snatching the bag from him and bounding back to splay out your bed.
“Didn’t you say that you were going to stop eating sugar? Yesterday?” He followed you further into your dorm. He set down all of his things and put back all of the clutter that was laid out on your table and the floor. He knew where everything went after the countless times he’s lounged around here.
“Okay but I cannot stay awake without sugar and I have an exam tomorrow,” You grumbled, gesturing for him to sit next to you. You turned back to your computer, rolling onto your stomach and scrolling through the endless slideshows to try to pretend like you were retaining any information. Frankly, you were more focused on the delicious cookies melting in your mouth.
He shrugged, silently reaching over and organizing your papers. He knew that you often got stressed when your environment was messy. You made no effort to keep it clean though because he always did it for you.
“And how was your day, Cobie?” You mumbled, glancing at him briefly before turning back to your notes, You shifted slightly on the bed, allowing him space to lie down next to you.
“Boring. And you shouldn’t be studying on your bed, you know. You always fall asleep.”
You huffed. “Just because you’re my best friend doesn’t mean you have to dote on me.”
“You know I’m right.” He smirked.
“I won’t, I promise.”
“But you always fall asleep. Like last time.”
You rolled your eyes, burying your face in your arms. “Stop bringing that up. It’s been five years already.”
“But I’ll never forgive you for embarrassing me in front of Sunwoo.”
“C’mon, you always let him tease you anyway,” You retorted.
Your eyelids threatened to shut any minute now. You had managed to find a spot to finally escape the stress that was called high school responsibilities. It wasn’t the most comfortable spot though–against the brick wall of the building, sitting on the concrete floor. Still, you couldn’t care less, enjoying the sun that perfectly hit the side of your face as your uniform fluttered in the wind.
After that point, you didn’t know what happened until you woke up. But Jacob had vividly described it to you because he found it that amusing. Though, he always told the story with a fond smile on his face.
“Can you pass the ball?” Another student called out to you. His uniform was messy and crinkled after playing with his friends for so long. When he noticed no response, he jogged over to pick up the soccer ball that rolled over and knelt down. He snickered slightly, tilting his head to peer at you curiously. “That can’t be comfortable…” He muttered. 
Silently, he contemplated what to do. Ultimately, he stood up. Not to leave you, but to kick the soccer ball back to his friends. Then, he turned back to you and gently lowered himself down to your side. Almost immediately, like a magnet, your head found its way to his shoulder and you were already dozing away. This time, with a lot less neck pain.
His lips quirked up as he played with his fingers quietly. He ignored his friends who were gesturing to him in the distance to come back, instead choosing to lean closer so you could sleep more comfortably. 
But then he heard footsteps approaching.
“Oh, shit!” Sunwoo gasped, slapping a hand over his mouth after appearing from around the corner of the same brick wall.
Jacob jumped, waving with his hands frantically to tell his friend to go away. But Sunwoo only began to jump up and down in excitement.
“Shhhh–” Jacob whispered. “They’re sleeping.”
“You’re dating someo–”
“I don’t even know who the hell this is.”
You smiled to yourself, long roused awake.
You had already heard the whole conversation but found it all too amusing so you ended up pretending to sleep for a few more minutes. Once you were sure that his friend had wandered off somewhere else, you blinked your eyes open. The curiosity got the best of you as you slowly lifted your head up to peer at the mysterious student’s name tag. He’s got an amazing shoulder for a pillow.
“That’s a bit rude, Jacob.”
He jolted once again, turning to you in surprise. You smiled lazily back at him.
“You’re awake.”
“Yeah,” You yawned. “And thanks for your shoulder but also I don’t thank you for not even bothering to look at my nametag.”
“Even if I knew your name, I wouldn’t know who you are.”
“Fair,” You hummed. You looked him over. He had a friendly look to him. Gentle eyes, a nice-looking smile, and brown tousled hair that shone in the sun. “You look like a Jacob.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He raised an eyebrow. “You do know that I gave up my soccer time to let you sleep on my shoulder, right?”
“Shush.” You stuck your tongue out. “It’s not like I forced you to. You’re just too nice with your super nice smile.”
“I can’t tell if you're insulting me or complimenting me.”
“Both.” You leaned your head back against the wall with a tired sigh. Then you turned back to him with a mischievous smile before setting your hand out for him to shake it. “Friends?”
He blinked at you. And then he smiled back and took your hand in his. “Friends.”
“I’m tired of this,” You whispered, thumping your forehead against your now-closed computer. 
“At least look this over.” He held out one of your papers, with a title clearly underlined with red. “Looks important.”
“It is but—“
“Just one,” He encouraged. “I’ll hold it for you.” And just as he said, he shuffled closer to you, holding the paper for you to read. You sighed but obliged, your eyes scanning over the words. Gradually though, the sentences began to grow blurrier and more jumbled. His arm looked awfully comfortable right now.
“Jacob,” You warned, turning to him. He stared curiously, his face surprisingly close to yours. “Jacob, I’m gonna go.”
“Go where?” He furrowed his eyebrows.
“To sleep.” You grinned before slumping down. No longer were you propped up on your elbows. Instead, you laid down, your cheek squished against his forearm as you snuggled close to his body warmth.
You heard a disappointed yet fond sigh leave his lips. He put down the paper and cleared the bed of everything so you could properly cuddle up to his side.
“You always take care of me,” You mumbled quietly. “Why?”
And for some reason, even with your eyes closed, you could sense his soft smile—the one with the gentle gaze and warm cheeks.
“Because you deserve it.”
“You flunked it, didn’t you?” Jacob grinned, standing up from where he was leaning against the wall. “I told you to stop studying on your bed.”
You scowled, walking alongside him. “You shouldn’t have waited for me, I’m getting coffee with a friend.”
He smiled wider. “Right now?”
You froze, staring at him sheepishly. You shifted on your feet. “…no. But soon.”
He hummed. “Good, cause I’m giving you this.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a necklace. It was beautiful with an opal charm in the middle. 
You stared at it with awe in your eyes and then turned your gaze up to Jacob. Already, you could feel tears prick your vision at which he only chuckled at the sight.
“Don’t cry,” He giggled, reaching an arm around you to pull you close to his chest.
“Why?” You pouted. “Did I miss my own birthday or something?”
“No,” He laughed. “I just wanted to give it to you. I thought of you when I saw it.”
You narrowed your eyes through sniffles before slapping his chest weakly. “How much was it?”
He shook his head. “It was on sale, so it was  cheap.”
You nodded before lightly touching your own bare neck. You smiled at your best friend.
“I want to put it on,” You stated, reaching your hand out. 
“Okay,” He whispered. But instead of placing the necklace in your palm, he stepped forward and reached his arms around your neck to clasp it on himself. He moved any strands of hair that were in the way, his fingertips just grazing over the back of your neck. You shivered and stayed completely still, staring straight ahead into his chest with wide eyes. 
It felt like hours but he finally stepped back with a soft smile.
“I knew it would suit you.”
You beamed. Just before you were about to say anything else, you heard a voice call out your name. It was your friend, standing just meters away waving excitedly.
“I have to go,” You said, looking at Jacob with bright eyes. 
“See you at your dorm?” He joked.
You thought for a moment before nodding. “Sure, I’ll bring ramen.”
“I was jok—“
“Still, I need my pillow to sleep on tonight.”
“My arm or my chest?” He lifted an eyebrow.
“Still deciding!” You called out, running towards your friend. You skipped over to her and immediately started rambling about your new necklace.
“It’s pretty!” She fawned. “Sometimes I think you’re actually dating.”
You gawked and immediately started laughing. “No! That’s— that’s so wrong.”
She blinked at you, completely confused.
“Have you seen the way he looks at you?”
I.
It was stuck in your head–what your friend said. He looked at you like any completely normal person. He always had a friendly, caring expression on his face simply because that was his nature. There was nothing different and nothing more in your relationship except friendship. 
You couldn’t focus on that anymore though since you were now caught up in a game of truth or dare. After exams, the whole floor of your dorm decided to gather for a party. You hated going alone and so of course, you had to bring Jacob. 
The two of you tried to sit together on the floor but quickly became separated by the amount of people crowded into one room. You frowned, settling onto the floor next to two complete strangers.
Help me, You mouthed to him.
He shrugged. Wanna leave? He mouthed back.
You shook your head. This will be fun.
He nodded and turned his attention back to the bottle spinning in the middle of the circle, about to choose its first victim. It slowly came to a stop, landing on a guy who you remembered his name to be Sangyeon. He was nice. He once let you borrow his umbrella.
“Truth or dare?” Eric leaned excitedly.
“Dare.”
“I dare you to… text the person you have a crush on and ask them out on a date!” 
Sangyeon’s eyes widened in horror. Reluctantly, he pulled out his phone and soon, it was like the whole population was crowding around him, cheering giddily when Sangyeon began to text a message. 
You locked eyes with Jacob who’s across the room, obviously out of place. You smiled with amusement and silently shuffled over to him. 
“I don’t get this game,” He grumbled.
“You don’t get any fun. You only like soccer and basketball since you’re so good at it.” A familiar image appeared in your mind of Jacob, left only in the white dress shirt of his school uniform, wiping sweat off his forehead as he easily shot a goal.
“Thanks.” Jacob grinned stupidly.
“I wasn’t complimenting you.”
“Alright.” He eyed you skeptically. “So can we please not get separated again?”
“We can try,” You mumbled. Without a warning, your hand trailed down to his, grabbing hold of it and placing your intertwined hands in your lap. He stared at it briefly before clearing his throat and looking away.
“Is that the most effective way?” He muttered.
“I said I’d try,” You whined, your eyes traveling over to where the crowd around Sangyeon began to dissipate back into its circle. You were confident that no one would notice that you had switched places. But of course, Sunwoo, who was so adamant about going to the exact same college as Jacob because he “admires him so much” (he actually just wanted someone to pay for his meals occasionally), noticed your connected hands.
“No PDA!” He dramatically yelled, covering his eyes with his hands. Everyone immediately turned to look at the two of you.
Jacob immediately pulled his hand out of your grasp almost like you burned him. You groaned and glared at Sunwoo.
“And go back to your normal seat,” Sunwoo smiled teasingly. “Get off your boyfriend for just a minute.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” You gritted out, standing up and stalking back to your original seat. You plopped back down on the floor and stared at Jacob with clear anger in your gaze.
He’s annoying. You glanced at the smug boy who was still smiling proudly over the fact that he separated two perfectly normal best friends.
Tell me about it. Jacob rolled his eyes, leaning back against his palms as his eyes wandered down to where the bottle was spinning again. This time, it landed on the stranger next to you. He wasn’t bad-looking and had a polite aura to him.
Eric gasped excitedly. “Juyeon! Truth or dare?”
The man thought for a second, humming. His voice was deep, you realized.
“Dare?” 
Almost instantly, Eric was leaning forward. He must have rehearsed this dare like his life depended on it. “Kiss the person on the left of you.”
It took Juyeon a while to process what Eric just said. But when he finally did, he whipped his head to look at you with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. You stared back, completely bewildered. 
“That’s cruel,” You groaned, staring at Eric in disbelief. “We don’t even know each other that well.”
“Fine,” Eric huffed. “On the cheek at least.”
Juyeon continued to stare at you, his gaze gentle and understanding. “Sorry,” He whispered sheepishly. “I can’t drink this one off. I’m a huge lightweight.”
You shook your head with a kind smile. “It’s fine. Just get it over with.” 
Juyeon nodded and he leaned in. You turned your head slightly so that he wouldn’t have to twist his neck in an awkward position. Just as you were about to focus on the lips being pressed to your cheek, your gaze locked with someone else’s. More specifically, Jacob’s.
Your breath hitched and your heart seized. There was something different about his gaze. It was filled with a flame and you could see that his jaw was clenched ever so slightly. His hands fidgeted as his eyes stared straight into yours, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.
It felt like time had slowed down. You watched as he leaned forward, propped his elbows on his knees, and tilted his head, obviously annoyed. Over what? You weren’t too sure. But you could see through the way his jaw tightened further that something was genuinely bothering him. Yet why was he only looking at you?
You were so focused on Jacob that you didn’t even realize that Juyeon was already pulling away.
Everyone in the room was cheering over the measly cheek kiss but it all felt silent to you. Your ears began to ring as you stared straight at Jacob, his eyes filled with a clear anger tinged with a small bit of hurt. 
You tilted your head worriedly.
Are you okay?
He blinked, his eyes softening. It was like what came over him just magically disappeared. Yeah.
You stared at him quietly before nodding. One more and then we leave.
He eagerly agreed, his head bobbing much like a puppy’s. You huffed out a laugh. You should have never dragged him out with you.
“Who’s next?” Eric spoke up loudly. Everyone’s attention turned back to the bottle that was spinning. You held your breath watching as it slowly came to a stop. You turned your gaze up to see who it was pointing at and—
You winced. 
Jacob stared at you with wide eyes before pointing at himself. You nodded with a grimace. 
Sorry.
He shook his head with a smile before turning to face Eric who was practically brimming with excitement. 
“Truth or dare?”
Jacob sighed. “Truth.”
Eric groaned. “Boring. But fine, I can make this fun.”
Jacob waited patiently. He was always patient—so patient that it annoyed you. You were always the one to tease and annoy him yet he took it like it was his sole job. Even if you could tell he was getting ticked off, he continued to smile and play along.
“Don’t you want to see my performance?” You twirled in your new outfit.
Jacob shook his head. “Not now, I have an art project due. You look pretty though.”
And you should have stopped there and said thank you. But instead, you continued to cling onto him and ramble in his ear.
At some point, in a flash of color, you knocked over the cup that Jacob used to wash his paintbrushes.
You watched in horror as it spilled over his painting. He only stared silently.
“I-I’m sorry, Cobie,” You whispered. 
“It’s fine,” He muttered, standing up and picking up the soaking-wet canvas. “I’ll just go dry it off.”
You gulped, searching his face for any sort of frustration. He definitely looked disappointed but… nothing else.
“Wait.” You stopped him, your hand coming to his wrist. You promptly ignored the cold feeling of the water that spilled over your new clothes as well.“Are you mad? Let me make it up to you. I can do the whole project for you if you want.”
Jacob turned to you, his expression blank. But much to your surprise, his face softened into a reassuring smile, his gaze gentle and warm. He set the canvas down and stepped forward, pulling you closer in the process.
“No,” He whispered. “You make everything look more beautiful anyway.” He turned to look at where the canvas which was previously plain and gray, was now splashed with a mix of colors.
You frowned. “But—“ 
“I’m more mad that your new clothes are ruined.” He paused, stepping back and looking you over. Then, he scrunched his nose teasingly. “It was pretty.”
“Jacob,” You huffed. How could he be so unbothered by this? You ruined his project that he had been working on for days yet he was more worried over you? “This is not about me.”
His eyes sparkled.
“I can always make it about you.”
“Okay! I got one!” Eric exclaimed, sitting up. “If you could date anyone in this room, who would it be?”
Everyone fell silent, staring at Jacob like curious cats. You weren’t any different, desperately wanting to know his answer. Jacob never spoke about his dating life. In fact, whenever you asked him if he had a crush on anyone, he would immediately reply no.
Much to your dismay, he didn’t say a word. His lips were shut as he stared around the room like a deer in headlights. 
“So?” Sunwoo pried.
Jacob gulped, his cheeks slowly turning red. And then his eyes landed on yours. When you stared back, he instantly tore his gaze away. But you quickly noticed a pattern. He would look at something, then back at you, at something else, and then back at you.
Your breath hitched. 
Why are you looking at me?
He widened his eyes and adamantly stared at the floor instead. I’m not, You could see him whisper to himself. The two of you always had conversations across the classroom during your high school days, hence your great skill of reading lips.
Jacob, you have to answer.
I can’t—
“It’s Y/n isn’t it?” Eric finally spoke up, wiggling his eyebrows with a knowing look.
His head shot up and his eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t even say anything.”
“You were looking.”
“No, I—“ He groaned, his cheeks reddening further by the minute. “I was looking because I always look for them. Not because I would date them.”
Sunwoo snorted. “Do you hear yourself?”
“What?”
“I always look for them.” 
Jacob froze. And now, he refused to look you in the eye. “I…”
“Hey,” You spoke up with a frown on your face. “He doesn’t want to answer, let him off. It’s obviously not me.”
Jacob’s gaze wandered to yours. There was a sparkle behind his pupils this time, his lips parting as if he’d been keeping a secret all of his life.
“But it is you.”
You inhaled sharply. Tension filled the air, thick enough that even Juyeon stiffened next to you. Eric had grown quiet which was a very rare occurrence and Sunwoo’s jaw was dropped.
You forced yourself to shake out of your trance. Abruptly, you stood up and grabbed your things. 
“We’re leaving.” You forced a weak smile. “Have fun!” You tried to wish a farewell but instead, your voice came out shaky.
You didn’t even need to look back. Jacob was always behind you.
The walk back to your dorm was painfully quiet. You walked down the hallway, your fists painfully clenched as you periodically squinted your eyes and tried to make any sense of what Jacob had just said. You were filled with a jumble of emotions–a wave of immoral anger for Eric to ask such a question to lead up to this situation in the first place, a relief that you finally escaped that tension-filled party, but most of all, confusion over the fact that Jacob, your best friend of multiple years, had just said he would date you.
When you finally reached your dorm, you took in a sharp breath before whipping around. Jacob, who was biting his lip nervously, came to a halt to stare at you almost in… shame. He refused to look you in the eye which began to annoy you, considering the fact that he kept on staring at you when asked that stupid question just previously.
With a frustrated huff, you walked forward, pinned the side of your forearm against his chest, and pushed him against the wall.
“Jacob, look at me,” You warned, your eyebrows furrowing.
He finally did a guilty look on his face much like a puppy’s. “What? And why’re you pinning me to the wall?”
You scowled. “Because.”
“Because?”
“Just shut up,” You groaned. “Did you mean it? What you said.”
He only gazed at you, completely calm. But something was different. His gaze didn’t just keep its place on your eyes. Occasionally, it would slip down to your lips.
You stepped forward, close enough that you could feel his body's warmth against. You tilted your head, trying to intimidate him. But still, he continued to stare at you like you were a bright flower in the midst of a gray landscape.
“Why aren’t you answering?”
“Because you told me to shut up.” A small grin appeared on his lips.
You groaned once again. “Please, just answer. Did you mean it when you said that you would date me? If so, then I…”
What were you going to say? You weren’t even sure yourself. Would you reject him? Or maybe consider changing the whole trajectory of your life?
But this wasn’t just about you. It was about your relationship which was what you feared most. If he said yes, then surely, your relationship would change. In what way, you didn’t know. But you were scared. A bit curious, but mostly terrified–terrified of losing him in some way.
Your thoughts were interrupted by a quiet sigh.
“Of course not.” 
You blinked, looking at him in surprise. 
He laughed. It was a weird laugh though–nervous, almost like he was still hiding something. But you chose not to dwell on it anymore.
“There was no one else I knew, so I just said you to get out of the situation,” He weakly joked. His eyes darted away.
“Oh,” You stuttered, stepping away and letting your arm fall from his chest. You felt a bit weak. Maybe it was from relief that you didn’t have to consider the possibilities if he said yes. “Yeah, I get it.”
“Mhm,” He hummed, his eyes softening. “You should get some rest. It’s dark.”
“Okay.” You smiled. But before he could turn away, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug. As an immediate response, he pulled you closer by the waist though he let out a small, confused sound.
“What’s this for?” He squeezed you closer.
“I felt like it.” You nuzzled into his shoulder. Even whilst being surrounded by beer bottles and drunken peers, he still manages to smell good—like a warm cup of sweet tea. You pulled away and peered up at him. “Stay the night?”
He gulped, his eyes widening slightly. “T-to do what?”
You snorted. “To sleep of course. You’re the only one who helps me sleep, you know.”
He followed you inside though he was still hesitant. After the two of you changed into something more comfortable (Jacob even has a change of clothes and a toothbrush in your dorm), you climbed into bed and immediately rested your head on his chest.
“Are you sure you’re in the right state of mind?” He murmured, gently rubbing your side. “You won’t regret this tomorrow?”
You shook your head. “I didn’t drink at all tonight. Why’re you being so cautious all of a sudden?” You pouted. “We always sleep together.”
He hummed. “Just making sure.”
After what you said earlier?
You wouldn’t lie and say that you definitely felt a bit different about asking him to stay over. But he already said that it wasn’t a serious statement. You chose not to think about it any longer, instead choosing to just doze off into his warm embrace. 
He was just your best friend. And a great pillow.
ii.
“I’m going on a date.”
You both hated and loved that phrase. You loved it because it left a thrilling, exciting feeling in your heart. But you mostly loathed it. It left your lips far too many times for your liking. The phrase never ended well. You’ve had a few relationships and obviously, they didn’t work out.
You put much effort into those relationships but never received the same amount. You were always regarded with a weirded-out stare or a quick roll of his eyes. But those were somehow on the higher end of the scale. At the lowest, was when you were insulted and pushed around. It was Jacob who first noticed.
“He’s hurting you.”
You furrowed your eyebrows, your fists clenching with denial. “But he apologized. He said he was just in a bad mood.”
Jacob frowned and took your hands in his, gently spreading your fingers to relax your fists. “No one in a bad mood should insult you or call you names.”
You gulped, tears starting to well up in your eyes. You knew that Jacob was right yet you were afraid of letting go of someone that held so many bright and fun memories.
“Love is hard,” You whispered. 
“It is,” He sighed. “But I’m always here for you.”
You exhaled shakily. You ran through multiple scenarios and possibilities. Some of the imaginary outcomes were positive but most were negative.
“It’s your choice if you want to stay with him. But promise me that if you’re ever hurt, just come find me,” He spoke softly. His hand gently came up to your cheek and wiped a stray tear away. It was at that moment that you realized what true care felt like. It was in the way he never pushed you into making a choice. It was in the way he promised you that he would be there for you. It was in the way his fingertips brushed against your skin.
That was what true care was.
And because of that realization, the very next day, you appeared outside of Jacob’s dorm room with a proud smile on your face.
“We broke up.”
His eyes widened and you could tell he was searching your face for any trace of tears. “Did he–”
“No, I did.”
His expression melted into a softer one. “I’m proud of you.” His lips pulled into a soft smile as he pulled you into his dorm and hugged you to the point that you had to repeatedly shove him until he let go.
“With who?” Jacob looked up from his computer. He watched nonchalantly as you started discarding your coat and bag on his bed. It was normal for you to crash at each other’s dorms. It was so normal that some people had even assumed that you were roommates. That didn’t make sense since there’s only one bed.
You reached into your bag and started pulling out the outfit you chose. “This guy in my literature class. He asked me first and he seems sweet.” He had a kind smile and he was polite. He even helped you pick up your books when you clumsily dropped them on the floor.
He was almost like Jacob. Though Jacob could go to… concerningly high extents sometimes. He tended to drop anything, even if it was a glass cup if he noticed that you were hurt or upset. 
But still, this man who asked you out seemed better than your other dates. It wouldn’t hurt to try. 
Jacob nodded, turning back to his computer while you used his bathroom to change into your date outfit. 
A few minutes later, you open the door and walk out. You don’t even bother to twirl or ask him about his thoughts as you were too busy digging through your bag for your wallet. But then you paused, interrupted by a sharp intake from none other than your best friend.
He was staring at you with his eyes round and his cheeks slightly colored. His gaze wandered down before coming back up to your eyes, his body utterly frozen.
“What?” You asked in confusion. “Does it look bad?”
“No!” He blurted out suddenly. He teared his eyes away, clearing his throat. “It’s just… different.”
You peered at him nervously. Why was he acting so weird? “In a good way or a bad way?”
“Good,” He breathed. He gave you a small yet sweet smile. “You look beautiful.”
“Oh.” Your frown quickly widened into a grin. “Thank you.”
After finally confirming that you did not forget your wallet, you took a seat beside Jacob on his bed. He used to be focused on his computer but it seemed that after you changed outfits, his eyes were darting elsewhere. He was losing his composure for some reason.
You let out a long sigh, rubbing your thighs with the palms of your hands. “Cobie, I’m nervous.” 
He turned to you with a soft look in his eyes. He even shut off his computer, turning his undivided attention to you. “Why?”
You pouted as memories came flooding back of your past relationships. It was always you who was left alone, broken into pieces until Jacob came along to put you together and patch you up. After your failed dates, you began to lose confidence in being able to keep anyone in your life, even if it was someone as loyal as your best friend. 
He always reassured you though.
“I won’t leave you.”
You laughed bitterly through your tears. “How do you know that?” 
After disappearing for almost the whole day, Jacob finally found you, sitting in the dark corner of your closet. You remembered him crouching down next to you and tucking a tear-soaked strand of hair out of your face.
“Because I don’t think that in any universe or timeline, I could stand being torn away from you.” He smiled.
You frowned, blinking away the tears that continued to trail down your cheeks. “Even if I’m undesirable?”
He looked at you taken aback. “Who told you that?”
“Him,” You whispered. Another one of your past dates that didn’t end well. When you had asked him why—why he didn’t want you, he began to list heart-wrenching words that still spun in your head. “He wouldn’t even hug me back because I’m undesirable or whatever.”
And in just a second, you felt a pair of strong arms being wrapped around you.
You inhaled shakily.
“You’re hugging me.”
He hummed and nodded, placing a hand on the back of your head to pull you in closer if that was even possible.
“Because you’re not undesirable. I will always want to hug you. And care for you. And lo—“
He cut himself off. You were too exhausted from crying to figure out what he was going to say anyway.
“Just because,” You sighed. “It’s been so long since I started dating again. What if I mess up?”
“You won’t,” He immediately replied. “You’ll do amazing. Just be yourself.”
You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Easier said than done.” You could feel Jacob wince beside you because he already knew what you were talking about–how even if you acted like yourself, you were never accepted or loved enough.
“Sorry.”
You shook your head. “Don’t be.” You looked down to play with your fingers nervously. Multiple scenarios began to play through your head like a jumbled-up movie. What if you laughed at something he said when it wasn’t meant to be a joke? What if you blurted out your deepest darkest secret and caused him to look at you weirdly? What if–
“What if he kisses me?”
Jacob froze, turning to you in disbelief. “That’s what you’re worried about?”
“Well, one of the things I’m worried about,” You mumbled, shrugging.
He searched your eyes as if to make sure you weren’t joking. Which, you definitely weren’t, as your jaw clenched unsurely. 
This time, his tone was softer and more gentle. “Are you not confident?”
You sighed, slightly embarrassed. “No– I don’t know, maybe? I just don’t want to… disappoint.”
You can see a small smirk appear on Jacob’s lips. “I’m sure you won’t.”
“How would you know?” Your eyes narrowed suspiciously.
“I just assumed,” He whispered. And you could have sworn his eyes darted down to your lips for a split second. Then, he took in a deep breath and scooted just a bit closer, facing you so that your knees touched. He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve kissed before, haven’t you?”
“Yeah.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Not enough to be good if that’s what you’re wondering.”
He seemed to be deep in thought before something shifted in his gaze and his lips parted to ask you something. It wasn’t teasing anymore, nor was it questioning. It was a serious look in his eyes, almost heart-stopping, as he stared at you as if to contemplate if what he was about to ask would change anything. And it definitely did, as it was already sending you choking on air.
“Want to practice?”
“With who?” You stared at him, acting innocent as if you didn’t already know what he meant.
“With me.”
“Oh,” You breathed. You didn’t know why but in the deepest part of yourself, reserved only for the most important secrets, you knew that your heart thumped erratically when he spoke those two words. “I mean– okay. I-I guess.” 
He was just doing it as a friend.
He smiled softly and you watched as his hand very slowly came up to cup your cheek. He leaned in but stopped just before your lips connected. You peeked an eye open–yes, you already shut your eyes–and stared at him in perplexion.
A corner of his lips lifted. He must have already noticed your eagerness.
“Promise me, you’ll tell me if you don’t want to do this.” He looked you in the eyes, searching you with almost what you could tell was affection. 
You nodded quietly.
He seemed confident but you could tell he was feeling nervous too with the way he swallowed thickly and his eyes darted across your features unsurely.
“Can I kiss you?” was his final question.
“Yes,” You whispered.
And then he leaned forward, attaching his lips to yours. You felt your heart stop before it came back to life again, this time, much faster than before. Your eyes carefully fluttered shut as you allowed yourself to melt into his touch. His hand stayed on your cheek, gently caressing your skin with his thumb as he slowly kissed you, almost as if he was savoring the moment.
You would be lying if you said that you didn’t also want to savor the moment.
You let out a small involuntary sound once it registered in your brain that he was deepening the kiss further. He tilted his head and soon enough, his hand was leaving your cheek, trailing down your side, and grasping onto your waist. You gasped and furrowed your eyebrows in concentration.
You were lost. Completely lost from the fact that this was supposed to be a practice kiss for your future date. That kind man from your literature class was long gone from your mind. Instead, every coherent thought of yours was replaced with one single person. Your best friend. The person you were kissing right now. 
Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.
“Jacob,” You rasped in between kisses. 
Even though your hands rested on his chest, creating some sort of distance, you didn’t make any further move to end the kiss. You felt butterflies erupt every time his hand ever so caressed your side.
“Hm?” He kissed you like he meant it. He kissed you like he actually loved you and that was what sent you reeling.
Shivers traveled down your spine once his hand wandered from your waist down to your lower back. The warmth of his palm and fingers splayed across your skin as it slowly lifted up the fabric of your outfit, leaving cool air to make its way through. 
That small breeze was what sent you out of your trance and what led you to finally pull away. 
“I think- I think that’s enough,” You panted, your heart rate refusing to go down.
Your lips felt sore and almost bitten and when you looked up to meet Jacob’s eyes, he was staring, stunned yet with a slight smug expression.
“Yeah,” He whispered. It took him a while for him to let go of the small of your back. “Sorry.” 
You huffed out a laugh, patting at your cheeks to let them cool down. “Sorry for what?”
He smiled shyly. “I got carried away.”
You snorted. You were glad that there wasn’t any lingering awkwardness after that… kiss no matter how oddly real and passionate it felt. “Am I at least a good kisser? Am I set for the date?”
It looked like he was just shocked by lightning. “Your date. Yes, your date.”
You stared at him with confusion. “My… date. That’s what we were practicing for.”
He gulped and nodded quietly. “Yeah, yeah.” And then he leaned in again. But this time, he positioned him right by your ear, his breath that you just recently felt shuddering against your lips, now lingering on your earlobe. You hated yourself for closing your eyes and bracing for a kiss. What were you thinking? You swallowed nervously.
“You’re a great kisser, just as I thought.”
You resisted the urge to choke on air. “Th-thank you,” You blurted stupidly before abruptly standing up to grab your bag and aiming to run out the door.
But he stopped you, gently taking your hand and pulling you back.
“What?” You squeaked, your hands growing sweaty and your heart speeding up for the nth time.
“It’s a bit…” You felt his fingers brush against your skin once again, creating flashbacks back to the kiss. You heard the sound of the zipper on the back of your outfit being zipped up. Since when was it undone? You were pretty sure you pulled it all the way.
“My fault,” He teased. So it was him who unzipped it.
“Perv.” You tried to elbow him. But of course, he caught your arm and turned you around. 
“Have fun on your date,” He smiled gently.
You breathed out shakily. “Okay.”
You were not having fun. Well, your date was all but a gentleman. He pulled the chair out for you, shielded you from incoming cars, and everything. But you couldn’t help but let your mind wander, distracted by the fact that Jacob already did all this anyway.
You were also distracted by the kiss. You could still feel the sensation of his lips moving fervently against yours and the warmth of his hand moving up your back and unzipping your outfit unnoticeably. You still wondered why he did that in the first place.
The two of you stopped on the trail that beautifully looked out to the sea. It was the perfect scene—the kind man in front of you, waiting for something. More specifically, a kiss. You could just lean in and kiss him right now but you… couldn’t.
“May I?” The man's voice interrupted your rushing thoughts.
“What?” You dumbly replied.
“You know.” He grinned shyly and stepped forward.
“Oh, I—“ You cleared your throat. Why wasn’t your heart beating fast like it did with your best friend of all people? Why didn’t your cheeks feel warm like how they did when Jacob looked at you with such a soft gaze? Maybe you were just going crazy, you figured. Maybe after this kiss, everything would go back to how it was. “Okay.”
But just as the man was leaning in, you suddenly planted your hands on his chest, pushing him away. When the man stared at you in alarm, you stuttered, “S-sorry. I actually don’t think we can.”
His expression saddened. “Why not?”
You didn’t know either. You could only offer a pathetic shrug.
“I just don’t think we’ll work out.”
His jaw clenched but he eventually stepped back. “Alright then, I guess. Want a ride home?” 
You gave him a weak smile and shook your head. “It’s fine. I’m sorry.”
He never accepted your apology.
When you called Jacob to pick you up, he looked you over in worry.
“Did something happen? Did he break it off with you? What—“ He didn’t even start driving, rather he parked and turned his attention to you.
You laughed and shook your head. “We didn’t kiss. And it was me who ended it.”
He frowned. “It was only your first date.”
“I know but I decided not to look for anyone right now. I’d rather just stick with you.” You smiled sweetly. Jacob replied with an incoherent sound as he abruptly turned away to stare out the window.
“That’s fine with me,” He muttered, his ears red even under dark evening light.
You huffed out a quiet laugh and sat back in the car seat. Jacob started driving, the low hum of the engine lulling you to sleep. Slowly, you shut your eyes and let out a content sigh. “I’m tired.”
“From what?” He mused.
You grinned to yourself. “From kissing you. You’re quite the rough kisser.” You paused. “Not that I didn’t enjoy it of course.”
And thank god for your seatbelt because, for some odd reason, Jacob suddenly slammed on the brakes.
But even after that throwaway comment, the two of you never spoke about the kiss again. Except, speaking and thinking are two different things. For the next coming days, you thought about the kiss again, and again, and again, even if it didn’t turn into something more.
iii.
“So you really didn’t kiss?” Jacob questioned a few days later. The two of you walked down the main street of your campus, window shopping and sipping on warm lattes. It was the perfect day, slightly chilly with clear skies. You loved moments like these–the ones where all you could do was chatter about random things that came up in your mind and Jacob would always listen intently. 
“No, we really didn’t.” You rolled your eyes. If you peered just a bit closer, you could see a wave of relief wash over his face.
As the two of you walked together and as more time passed by, you began to realize that what you and Jacob had wasn’t the most normal friendship. You had other friends too and you certainly did not act like how you did with Jacob. You glanced down to where you two were literally holding hands, intertwined fingers and all.
“So you don’t get lost,” Jacob whispered when the two of you graduated together. “I can’t lose you.”
Your mind wandered back to when Jacob fixed your hair oh so gently after it had gotten just the slightest bit messy from the wind.
“Why do you always fix my hair for me?” You narrowed your eyes.
“I like it when you look up at me when I do,” Jacob teased, pinching your cheek. “Your puppy eyes.”
You always thought he was just joking, but the more you thought about it, the more it felt like he meant it. He always seemed to love yet hate eye contact. Sometimes, he would stare back with a soft, admiration-filled gaze. Other times, he would tear his gaze away because he was flustered.
There was also the jealousy. You weren’t a blind fool to never notice it. He was always supportive of your dates and he always comforted you whenever they didn’t work out. But for some reason, what really ticked him off was physical touch by any guy that’s not him.
“What were you doing with him?” Jacob had asked you when he walked in on you hugging one of your classmates.
You widened your eyes. “Well he– he lended me some notes that I missed, that’s all.”
“And that earned him a hug?” Jacob’s eyes, ironically turned into those irresistible puppy eyes.
You stared at him in awe. “Are you…?”
Jacob gulped. “No.”
And that was the first time Jacob asked you to fall asleep on him instead of the other way around. You would never complain though. His chest was very comfortable.
Then there was the kiss. 
It was one. You never kissed him again after. And at the moment, it seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do. In your mind, you thought he was just offering you an opportunity to practice. 
But every time you thought of it at night and in your dreams, you began to realize that it was anything but practice. There was no need for him to caress your side, cup your cheek so gently, tilt his head for a better angle, and for him to deepen the kiss.
Your friendship wasn’t a typical one. It was something more. Yet, you didn’t know what to do with it.
You turned to look at him, wondering if studying his features would give you a clearer answer. But much to your surprise, Jacob was already staring back. There was a small smile on his lips, his eyes sparkling as he looked—as he looked at you.
“Why?” You blurted out.
“Why what?” 
“Why do you always stare at me?”
He paused in his tracks. It took you a moment to realize that it was really only the two of you on the sidewalk. The sun had already set and so everyone had gone home. He turned to you, pulling you closer, causing you to stumble slightly. He then brought your connected hands up to his chest. You inhaled quietly once it registered in your head that you could feel his erratic heartbeat. You looked up at him, searching for any sort of answer. Yet he still remained like a book in a completely different language that you didn’t understand.
“Because you never fail to take my breath away.”
Your heart felt like it was caught in your throat. And as dumb as it may seem, you looked down at yourself, wondering if you had dressed up in a particular way for him to say that. But then you felt a gentle hand on your cheek, turning your attention back up. He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.
“Always,” He replied quietly as if he read your mind. “You always, always take my breath away. Even on the day you fell asleep on me in high school. Even when you say that you look bad, I think you’re beautiful.”
“Jacob… I—“ You stopped once you felt a stinging cold on the very tip of your nose. It was a snowflake, you soon realized. You used to love it when it snowed, up until you found out that you had a horrible tolerance for cold. But who was it who took care of you when sick? It was always Jacob. It was always him who wrapped you up in blankets and cuddled you, even when you warned him that he would also get sick.
His eyes filled with worry as he glanced up at the sky. “Let’s run before it gets too slippery.” He smiled mischievously, grasping your hand once more and leading you toward your dorm. You laughed loudly, trying to catch up with him. 
“Too fast!” You complained.
He turned back to look at you and oh, how handsome he looked even while running. That pretty smile with his bright, even prettier eyes. “I don’t want you to get sick,” He replied, accompanied by a cute laugh. “Do you want me to carry you?”
You flushed and shook your head immediately. “Let’s just keep running,” You huffed, allowing Jacob to lead the way. 
The whole run back was filled with giggles and giddy smiles. You couldn’t have it any other way. The two of you, panting, finally managed to burst into your dorm. There was this exhilarating feeling in your chest. No matter if you stopped running or not, you would feel so… out of breath. It could be because of Jacob, it could be the beautiful snow, or it could just be the constant pounding of your heart. It could be all three.
You finally let go of Jacob’s hand, completely missing how he instinctively chased after your touch. Then, you stepped away to brush off the snowflakes that’s built up on your coat. Once you were sure that you were free from looking like a sugar-powdered donut, you looked up to where Jacob had already closed the door and was leaning against it.
His hair was messy, but what caught your eye the most, were the flurries of snow trapped between his locks. Somehow, he made looking like a sugar-powdered donut a good thing. He grinned at you with slightly rosy cheeks and gentle, gentle eyes.
He looked attractive. Since when did he look so attractive? You weren’t completely unaware that he was a fairly good-looking guy, but with the way his coat slipped off one shoulder and how his smile shot straight for your heart, you began to realize he was a lot more than just good-looking.
You were frozen, your arms straight at your sides, completely distracted by your best friend’s smile and the annoying thump of a heart–specifically, yours. 
And one would think that he was looking at you, weirded out by your staring. But instead, he was gazing at you just the same. And this time, you had an explanation for all those lingering, soft looks he would give you for the many years that you’ve been friends. His words rang in your ears.
Always. You always, always take my breath away.
His smile slowly fell and before you could even register the way his gaze fell away from your eyes and downwards, he was walking towards you and cupping your face. Not even a second later, you felt a pair of lips being pressed against yours. 
And just like before, your eyelids were already fluttering shut. This time though, you stayed without movement, simply allowing him to kiss you ever so gently and lovingly.
When he pulled away, that was when it finally hit you. You didn’t have a date to practice for, nor was this some sort of dare. Jacob, your best friend of multiple years, just kissed you on his own accord.
You brought the back of your hand up to your lips, staring at him in startlement. “Why’d you do that?” Your voice came out weak.
“What?” He blinked, and you could see how his cheeks began to flush. “Oh, I just– you know, in case you were thinking of going on another date with another literature class guy. It would be good practice since I know that you’re nervous so I just– I kissed you.”
You furrowed your eyebrows. “Is that really it?”
He gulped, his eyes searching yours before he sighed. “I’m sorry. You just looked really pretty.”
“You kissed me because I looke–”
“Yes,” He blurted out, wincing. “And I’m sorry. That was stupid of me and I should have asked before and now you think that I’m–”
“Jacob.” You stepped forward, placing your hands on his shoulders. “Jacob.”
His eyes softened. “Yeah?”
“Be completely honest,” You looked him straight in the eyes. However, it began to feel a bit hard not to let your gaze fall to his lips because my god, was he a good kisser.
“I just was,” He muttered shyly.
You huffed. “Not that. I know you already answered that question. You kissed me because I looked pretty, which thank you, by the way.” You batted your eyes teasingly. Jacob let out an incoherent sound and tried to look away. But instead, you cupped his cheek and turned his attention back. “I have another one.”
He frowned, which would be a sorrowful sight if it wasn’t for the fact that he was blushing like crazy right now. You held back a smile.
“Do you like me?”
Jacob’s eyes widened. “What?” He squawked.
The puzzle pieces were already coming together for a while now. The longing gazes, acts of kindness, his occasional kisses (definitely not normal)–you knew there was a root to all those. But you still had that small feeling of insecurity. Well, up until now. That kiss just confirmed everything.
“Do you like me?” You repeated. “Last time, when you said that you would date me, you weren’t lying. You meant it, didn’t you?”
“I…” He trailed off. The room was dead silent. All you could do now was see, smell, and feel. You could see Jacob’s eyelashes as they fluttered when he blinked profusely, trying to come up with some sort of excuse. You could smell his cologne, which always smelled good especially when you buried your face into his chest. And you could feel his hand hovering just over your wrist.
He let out a low sigh and he looked you in the eye, his gaze nervous yet filled with something new–hope.
“I did,” He finally whispered. “I meant it. I would love to date you. And I like you. So much and for a very long time now.”
And even with all that evidence that you’ve thought about late at night, you still couldn’t help but be taken aback. You swallowed thickly and took a step back. “Oh.” It all felt real now. Deep down, you were hoping that he denied it. You wouldn’t have to actually think about your feelings for him like you had to do now. You weren’t prepared for this.
“I– I was just curious,” You stuttered. But that hand that was hovering over your waist suddenly grasped it and pulled you close. You yelped quietly before finding yourself right up against your best friend’s chest.
“And you don’t have an answer?” He asked, his voice teasing yet trembled slightly. 
“Why do you need an answer?” Your heart thumped.
He hummed, his eyes glinting with mischievousness. “I want to know. You’re the one who brought this up anyway.” 
“Yeah, well–” You inhaled sharply when you felt a hand on the side of your face, cautiously tucking a piece of hair back. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.” He looked you over in a way that made you feel warm and fuzzy inside. And for some reason, it wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling. You’ve felt this before, multiple times, which was what baffled you even more.
You didn’t know when it started happening and you didn’t want to dwell on it either, but everytime he ever so smiled or placed his hands on you, you felt that weird thing in your stomach. All the recent times that you’ve cuddled and fell asleep with him began to do just the same. Sometimes, you couldn’t even fall asleep because your heart was beating too fast. The only way you could fall asleep was by pressing your ear to his chest and counting his heartbeats.
Jacob quickly noticed your silence and hesitance. His voice quieted down to that caring version that he always used when you were on the verge of falling asleep—whether that be on his shoulder or chest.
“Y/n,” He gently spoke, grabbing your attention.
“What?” You winced.
“I’m sorry if I pressured you or anything. You don’t have to answer right n—“
“I like you too.”
His breath hitched. You couldn’t see his expression though, as you had shut your eyes with a grimace.
“Oh,” He breathed. You heard him step closer. “You do? You… like me too?”
“Yes,” You whispered in a small voice.
And yet again, your stomach did that funny thing because when you opened your eyes, Jacob’s face was a lot closer than before. He had a shy yet cautious smile on his face as he watched you silently.
“So…” He tilted his head expectantly. “We both share feelings. It’s up to you what you want to do now.”
This wasn’t even the bad part, you realized. It was the next words that left your lips that was.
“Nothing, let’s just move on.”
Immediately, it was like something had stabbed him in the heart and oh, did it feel the same for you. You bit your lip, willing your tears to go away. All you wanted to do was reach for his hand and pull him in and let everything else fold out naturally. But no, you stayed back against the wall, refusing to look him in the eye.
“What?” He muttered, a clear look of confusion in his eyes. 
Your voice wavered as you forced sounds out of your clenched-up throat. “I said, that we should just move on.”
He let out a breath in disbelief. “Why? Is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong? If so, I’ll fix it. Is it because I didn’t let you borrow my hoodie that one time? I’ll let you borrow it whenever you want from now on.”
“It’s not,” You cried, your heart aching at the fact that he still tries to take the blame. “I want to be more with you, Jacob. I just can’t. It’s my fault, not yours.”
He fell quiet, watching you with care. “What’s stopping you?”
“Me,” You shamefully replied. “I’m afraid.”
“Afraid?” He inquired quietly. “Of what?”
“Of taking you for granted. I don’t want to possibly lose you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.” He frowned. 
“But I should.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Because what if I push you away, then what?”
He looked like he was going to say something else but he ultimately swallowed his words and let out a low sigh. “Okay,” He whispered. “I understand.”
You felt the need to apologize over and over again. You hated the look on his face as he tried to hide the pain he was feeling. 
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” You began to say over and over again. “It’s not because of you. It’s—“
“I know.” He gave you a soft look. He always remembered and could always tell when you were sensitive about a past relationship, no matter if it was just a fling or not.
He slowly stepped forward again and he carefully rested his palm on the back of your hand. When you didn’t flinch or pull away, he gently wrapped his fingers around your hand, holding it firmly.
“So why did you tell me?” He finally asked. “If you didn’t want this to go further.”
You tightened your hands into fists—a nervous habit you had. But, he was quick to soothe them back open as he quietly whispered a small, “You’ll hurt yourself.”
“I don’t— I don’t know.” You paused. “In a perfect world, you’re aware of my feelings and we go further. But that’s in a perfect world. I just thought… if I told you it might magically happen but it didn’t and that’s stupid, I know.”
Jacob never took his eyes off you and he never pulled his hand away. That’s what you liked so much about him. He never failed to be your anchor, the one to ground you when you felt like floating away.
What confused you though, was that he wasn’t saying anything. He seemed to be deep in thought as if he were changing his mind about something. But, he wasn’t changing his mind about his feelings for you. You could tell by the way his eyebrows furrowed slightly when you tried to hide away from his soft gaze and by the way he never let you clench your fists, holding both of your hands tightly but never enough to hurt.
You were lost in his eyes—those who have seen you at your best and lowest. He’d seen you smile and come running into his arms and he’d seen you cry and break down until you fell asleep in his embrace.
“Then I’ll wait for you.”
You inhaled sharply and widened your eyes. “What?”
“I’ll wait for you,” He repeated, a small yet reassuring smile on his lips. “That perfect world you talked about–it’s a possibility, right? So I’ll wait. I’ll wait for your perfect world to come.”
“Jacob.” You stared at him unsurely. He didn’t even know when that would happen. You didn’t even know either. So why was he so sure of waiting for you?
He leaned in and you felt a hand leave yours. And almost like he read your mind, you felt the warmth of his palm on the side of your cheek, caressing it soothingly.
“No matter how long it takes.”
Your brain was rushing with a million red warning signs. Multiple questions threatened to spill out of your mouth yet the only one that could leave was a choked, “why?”
“Because all I want is for you to be happy. Why should we rush when it means you won’t be happy? That’s all that matters to me.”
“But you—“ You let out a frustrated sigh. “You might lose interest. Or what if we do get together and something happens and—“
He grinned. “You’re thinking too far ahead. Didn’t I tell you I would wait?”
You grumbled, yet the weight in your heart lightened at the change in the surrounding mood.
“Whenever you’re ready, we can talk about this again,” He said. “In the meantime, we can go back to what we were before.”
You rolled your eyes and bit back a shy smile. “Okay.”
“And…” His eyes sparkled as he leaned forward. Immediately, as if on instinct, you shut your eyes and expected a kiss on the lips. Instead, though you felt him press one on the very top of your forehead, almost as if that was his final move of showing how much he respected you. “If you ever decide to go further, I promise that I will be good for you. I’ll be so, so good for you.”
That was when your legs began to feel like jelly. You could feel yourself melt and your brain go fuzzy. 
But just as you expected, Jacob was always there to catch you.
+ 1
It was one thing to be best friends with Jacob and another thing to be best friends with a guy who recently confessed his feelings for you. No matter how hard you tried to bring things back to normal, it was of no use.
Every smile, which would be a normal thing whenever you crack a joke, now was a smile that caught you off guard and made you stumble over your words. Whenever he touched you somehow, whether if it was simply to guide you down a sidewalk or to pull you into a hug, you felt a spark that never quite left you until you fell asleep.
But still, despite the many times your heart had beaten towards Jacob, you could never find the courage to take things further. Even so, he always made it clear that he would wait.
“You can stop waiting,” You once blurted out when you noticed him hesitating to grasp your hand. 
He looked at you in slight alarm before softening his expression. This time, without hesitation, he took hold of your hand, pulling it into his lap so that he could play with your fingers, bending them and squeezing them.
“Tell me the reason first. Then I’ll decide.” He eyed you knowingly.
You blushed and looked away. However, you never made a move to pull your hand away.
“Just… I feel bad,” You muttered. “It must be awkward or difficult. So you can just leave if this is bothering you.”
“Ah,” He breathed. He didn’t say anything after that, instead turning his attention back to your hand.
You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion and turned to him. “So you’re going to stop waiting?” 
He smirked slightly before shaking his head. “No.”
You gaped at him, pulling your hand away in shock. “What?” You stammered. “But I just said–”
Your words were cut off by Jacob taking your hand and instead of bringing it back into his lap, he brought it up to your lips and left a soft kiss on the back of it. You immediately choked on your spit as you blinked, flustered.
“So your reason is that you’re worried that I might get impatient, correct?” He looked up to you, smiling.
You nodded your head, too lost for words.
“Then that’s not a valid reason,” He whispered. He set your hand back down, but still held it in his lap. “If you feel uncomfortable, then I will stop waiting. But me? You don’t have to worry about me.” He leaned in, staring at you completely endeared. You tried to glance away. “Like I said, I’ll always wait. No matter how long it takes.”
You breathed out shakily before nodding.
It always ended like that. It didn’t matter how hard you tried to convince him to give up, he would always come back to you like a lost puppy.
Jacob also started to take care of you more. At first, you thought it was some way to win you over like your exes liked to do right after an argument. But, over time, you began to realize that his actions were genuine, though silent and hard to notice.
“I’m hungry,” You mumbled to yourself one day. Jacob was walking behind you, seeming busy on his phone. Turns out, he wasn’t, because a few hours later, you found a bag of food placed at the entrance of your door. 
Or, the other time when you just finished up your upcoming assignments and could barely walk straight with how exhausted you were. All you could remember was a pair of worried eyes that belonged to Jacob who was guiding you to bed. When you woke up, you were wrapped comfortably in blankets and most of all, his sweater that seemed to magically appear on you.
And then there was that one time. The most important of all.
“Which one is better?” You asked, holding up two scarves for your classmate to see. She peered at it curiously before pointing at the one in your left hand.
“Who’s it for?” She wiggled her eyebrows.
You scoffed, putting the other one back on the shelf. “Jacob.”
“Are you really sure that you two aren’t a thing?” 
You hesitated before shrugging weakly. “It’s complicated.” You tossed the scarf into the cart before turning away, yawning. On nights when Jacob was too busy to visit your dorm, you never were able to sleep well. “I’m going to order a cup of coffee, I’ll be right back.”
You stretched your limbs and walked over to the nearby coffee shop. Buying gifts was a hard task, especially when it came to Jacob. He always made these intricately crafted gift baskets for you, filled with everything you could possibly want. 
“Y/n?” A gruff voice called out to you.
You froze in place. You recognized that voice and oh, how you despised it. Still, you plastered on a smile and turned in the voice’s direction.
“Hey, it’s… you.” You looked the man over. He was the ex who stated so bluntly that you were undesirable. He certainly looked worse for wear—dark circles under his eyes, clothes with unknown stains on them, and an unkind sneer.
“How’ve you been?” He took a step forward. You were quick to backtrack, your fists clenched.
“Fine,” You forced out. “You?”
“Could be better.” He shrugged. Something suddenly shifted in his gaze though, as he looked at you differently. It was in a way that made you feel sick to your stomach, as opposed to the butterflies that would appear when you two were still together. “Listen,” He started. “I’m going to get straight to the point.”
You stared at him, perplexed.
“Get together with me again.”
You jerked away, your hands coming up defensively. “What?”
“You heard me. I’m sorry that you got offended by my words before…”
You scoffed. And he still won’t apologize.
“…but after we split, I realized how much I missed you. C’mon sweetheart, you know you feel the same, hm?”
You felt like you were about to throw up as you glared at him in disbelief. “Do you hear yourself right now?”
The man feigned innocence. 
“Okay, I guess not. And I don’t have the energy to explain it to someone like you,” You spat. “So no. My answer is no. Besides, I have a boyfriend.”
That last sentence you sort of didn’t think through… but everything else you’ve practically perfected after rehearsing it with Jacob many times before. 
“If you ever see him again, promise you’ll tell me,” Jacob muttered, his fingers trailing circles on your arm. It was late at night and you could barely keep your eyes open. But, it was always at this time that Jacob became sentimental and protective.
“Okay,” You whispered, your voice muffled in his chest. “Don’t worry, I’m over him.”
“That’s good.” You could hear him breathe out in relief. “And if he ever wants something from you, say no. You deserve so much more than he can ever give you.”
You smiled and snuggled closer to your best friend’s warmth. “Okay, okay. In love with me or something?” 
“...go to sleep,” He mumbled, pulling the blankets closer over your figure. Completely forgetting the fact that he never answered your question, you peeked over his shoulder and realized that he was barely covered. 
You frowned. “You’ll get cold.”
And instead of readjusting the blankets, he tightened his arms around you, burying his face into your neck. “I won’t.”
“Boyfriend?” Your ex’s jaw clenched scarily. “What do you mean boyfriend? Who?”
You gulped but still lifted your head high. “Jacob,” You lied straight through your teeth. 
The man’s sneer only grew further as his eyes narrowed. “Of course,” He hissed. “Of course it’s always him.”
You nodded slowly, slightly confused of his response. “Yeah, so…” You couldn’t help but stifle a laugh at the sight of the man, red-faced and with almost smoke coming out of his ears.
“Just leave,” The man grunted. “I’m fine.”
“I never asked if you were fine.” You suppressed a laugh which quickly fell short when he snapped his head towards you in a warning. “Okay, okay,” You snorted. “Have a great day!” You waved and ran away before the man could explode once more.
As you walked back in the direction of your classmate, you couldn’t help but smile stupidly to yourself. To be truthfully honest, you were always terrified for this day to come. That you would run into one of your failed dates and absolutely freeze up, making a complete fool out of yourself. That was what you thought for the longest time.
But now, you realized that the interaction you just had was a lot easier than you thought. Sure, it left your heart seizing nervously, but after having someone–Jacob–stay by your side everytime even a single tear left your eye, you realized that you were healed.
You swung the bag in your hand, smiling brightly. You’ve never felt so happy before. Your eyes wandered across all the stores, casually window shopping until you suddenly came to a stop. 
You squinted your eyes and stepped closer. There, on the display of one of the most famously expensive jewelry stores, was the necklace worn on your very neck–the exact same one that Jacob had gifted you. You peered in and spotted the price tag. That was when you stumbled back, slapping your hand over your mouth.
You stared in astonishment at the necklace. “He said that it wasn’t expensive…”
But of course, it was always Jacob who said not to worry about him. You sighed all too knowingly though you couldn’t help but bite back the smile that was forming on your lips. 
Just as you were busy admiring the bracelet just like you’ve done many times before, you heard your phone ring. 
“Jacob?” 
“Y/n,” He sounded breathless. Almost like he was… running. “Where are you?”
You blinked in confusion. “Where are you?”
“The park. Are you–” 
You accidentally hung up. You winced and whispered a quiet sorry before heading to the local park.
It’s a common occurrence for Jacob to find you wandering around the park, clearing your mind after hours of studying. It was not a common occurrence for you to find Jacob standing in a secluded garden area, looking around frantically for something–someone.
You bounded over to him, ready to greet him cheerily. But, as soon as his eyes landed on you, he was immediately reaching forward and pulling you into his arms. 
“Oh,” You breathed stiffly. His hold was tight and protective, yet you had no idea why.
He pulled away and looked you over worriedly. His eyes were soft and his hands held gently onto your shoulders. “Are you okay?” He asked. Then, his hands came up to your cheeks as if to check for invisible tears. “Did he hurt you?”
You stared at the man in alarm, your lips parted in confusion. “Who?”
“Your ex.” 
Your mouth fell further open. “How’d you know I met him today?”
Jacob sighed and pulled out his phone. “I got a text.” You couldn’t help but melt at his small, worried pout. “He said that he had just talked to you and sent you home crying.”
You blinked. And then you snorted, much to Jacob’s surprise.
“That weirdo said that?” You laughed. “He did not. I was the one who sent him home. He’s bluffing!”
And even though the man in front of you looked slightly embarrassed, you could tell that he was relieved. He stepped forward and pulled you back into a hug, his hand stroking the back of his head. “Thank god. I thought you were hurt.”
You shook your head, smiling as you listened to his beating heartbeat. “Don’t worry, I’m okay.”
It was you who pulled away first but it quickly became a regret. You so badly wanted to melt back into his arms. You’ve never been treated with so much care before–the way he held your face so gently to make sure you weren’t crying and how he held you close. God, how he made you swoon.
You cleared your throat, completely forgetting that you were staring in awe into your best friend’s eyes. Jacob smiled shyly.
“So!” You blurted, playing nervously with the sleeves of your coat. “What brings you to the park? You never come here.”
Jacob seemed to choke on something. Hm, you didn’t remember seeing him eating anything. He glanced around and you quickly noticed how red his ears had gotten.
“Oh, I–I was on a run and this was part of the… route.”
“Really?” You wondered, looking around. This area of the park was more closed off though, surrounded by more plants than people. “Interesting.”
“Yeah,” He laughed nervously.
It grew awkwardly silent then. The two of you were simply facing each other without anything to say or do. But that silence gave you more time to observe and notice the small details like how Jacob’s hair was tousled in multiple directions, meaning he wasn’t running in one straight path, but rather on multiple. His shoes were untied, which didn’t make any sense with his run, but instead showed that he was in a hurry. And then there was the phone call. The first thing he asked was where you were and as soon as you met up with him, it was like he was looking for…
“You were looking for me,” You breathed in realization. “You ran here because you were looking for me.”
Jacob’s cheeks immediately reddened as he stared at you like a deer caught in headlights. He winced as he tried to avoid eye contact. You leaned forward, making him breathe in sharply.
“I…” He sighed in defeat. It seemed like your best direction was simple eye contact. “Fine, I was looking for you. I was worried about you.”
Your eyes softened as you reached a hand up to fix his messy hair. “Why? You know that I can take care of myself.”
He frowned and you couldn’t help but think how adorable he looked when he was protective. “Still. I hate to see you hurt.”
You smiled, endeared. “Oh, Jacob…”
“Ever since you told me that you were afraid that one day, I wanted to take care of you more. And I’m sorry,” He whispered, slightly leaning into the touch of your hand. “I’m sorry if I intruded too much or made you uncomfortable. I promise that I’ll step back if you want. Or if you–”
He let out a muffled sound though, as you grabbed his collar and pulled him in to plant a kiss onto one of his cheeks. When you peeked an eye open, you smiled when you realized that his eyes were wide open in shock. Stifling a laugh, you pulled back and softly poked the spot that you just kissed.
“Wha… you…” He stared at you, completely dazed. Then, he giggled, completely flustered, as his hand came up to touch where you had just kissed.
You finally let that laugh escape, hiding your face in his chest. Then, you looked up at him, smiling widely. 
“You really do know how to make me fall, don’t you?”
He smiled goofily, almost like he was drunk after that one kiss. “You’re still standing though.”
You huffed fondly and slapped him bashfully. “You know what I mean.”
“Wait, but–” He widened his eyes. You felt his hands sneak around your waist, holding you securely and protectively. “Are you sure about this? I told you I’d wait. You don’t have to…” He bit his lip shyly. You could tell that the feeling of your lips on his cheek came rushing back. He shook out of his trance though he was still blushing. “You don’t have to kiss me if you’re not ready.”
You smiled softly and shook your head. You knew it was the necklace that did it for you. It served as further proof of how much Jacob cared for you–that he always thought about you even when you were apart and lied about the price so that you wouldn’t worry. Jacob was always like this. He always had you in his mind and would do anything if it meant that you would smile. Sometimes, he would even tell you that he liked your smile.
 “But I am ready. I want to go further with you.”
That was what made him jump in surprise. “You– you want to be more? Like me as your boyfriend? And you as…” He paused, his smile giddy and so in love. “Mine?”
You nodded excitedly. “Yes, Jacob.”
“But you said…”
“I’m still afraid,” You replied, looking down at where there was barely any distance between you two. “But I would love to try with you.”
“Are you sure?” He furrowed his eyebrows slightly which you couldn’t take seriously with the way his eyes were filled with so much eagerness.
“Yes.” You copied his expression jokingly.
“One hundred percent sure?” 
You sighed fondly and instead of replying, you stepped forward and pressed yet another kiss on his cheek. That seemed to be a good enough answer because Jacob was staring down at you as if you were the brightest star in the sky.
Jacob then used his finger to tilt your chin up. His smile was what left you feeling breathless. “Then I promise you, Y/n, that I’ll be good for you. If I do anything wrong, tell me. I will be my best for you. All the time. I like you so much”
You felt your composure melt as you couldn’t even control your grin anymore. 
“Okay,” You giggled. “I like you too. And this time, I want to do more. Only with you. You are my perfect world.”
Then, your expression quickly changed into a teasing one as you leaned in and fluttered your eyes shut. You expected Jacob to become flustered but instead, he smirked and tightened his hold on your waist. You were glad that the park was empty right now as you peeked an eye open, slightly flustered.
“What are you doing?” He teased.
You smiled shyly. “I’m asking for a kiss. And not as practice this time.”
“Of course, beautiful.” He drew circles on your hip before yanking you close and against his lips. It felt like fireworks going off in your stomach. And the fact that this was real was what made every sensation stronger than it was before.
You wrapped your arms around his neck and tilted your head slightly. Jacob smiled against your lips, holding you close without any intention to let go.
Jacob suddenly pulled away, leaving you to chase after his lips. When you stared at him with both confusion and want at the same time, he smiled knowingly before muttering, “You taste sweeter each time.” 
Instantly, you were coughing with a rising blush on your cheeks. The fact that this wasn’t even your first kiss is something to think about. But still, his eyes watched your every move, completely smitten before he leaned back in.
He made it feel like your first kiss everytime.
A few months later
“Why didn’t you tell me that the necklace was actually expensive?” You mumbled, your question briefly cut off by a yawn. The two of you were cuddled up in bed, late at night. It’s not like you two didn’t cuddle before so there wasn’t much of a difference–the only one being that there were now kisses added.
He hummed, the vibration resonating through your chest. “Because I knew you would worry too much and make me return it.”
You huffed grumpily and turned away, your back facing him. He let out a small sound of confusion and peeked over your body to poke your cheek.
“Did I say something wrong?” You already knew he was pouting.
“Yes,” You whined before quickly turning back around. You punched him in the chest though he didn’t flinch one. “Why do you always tell me not to worry about you? This is a teamwork thing. I want to worry about you.”
Jacob stared at you, a completely smitten look on his face. His gaze was soft and you yelped as he suddenly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you back to his chest.
“Okay,” He replied.
You froze. “That’s it? No arguments?”
He laughed quietly. “No, because you’re right. We should be taking care of each other equally.” Then, he tilted his head back to look you in the eye. “Plus, I like when you worry about me. So do that more from now on.”
“Good.” You rolled your eyes. “I will. You think I don’t notice when you’re shivering from the cold?”
He frowned. “But you need the jacket or else you’ll get col–”
“Jacob,” You warned. 
“Fine, fine.” He scoffed, squeezing your arm playfully. “But you do know that you deserve the best? So in my defense, you deserve that jacket.”
You bit your lip and sighed, defeated. You were glad that the room was dimly lit so that he wouldn’t notice your blush. As you were getting lost in your thoughts, you felt a hand caress the side of your face, turning your attention back.
“Can I ask something?”
You tilted your head, willing yourself not to melt into his touch. You couldn’t handle that stupidly loving smile he would give you everytime you did.
“What is it?”
“How have I been as a boyfriend? I told you I would treat you well. If there’s anything, let me know. All I want is for you to be happy when you’re with me. Of course, if you want…” You could tell he was nervous with the way he began to ramble.
You smiled fondly and leaned in to kiss his jaw. “Jacob, Jacob,” You spoke, interrupting his fast-paced words.
“Yeah?” He looked at you like an eager puppy.
“Don’t worry,” You whispered. “You’re doing amazing. You’ve been the sweetest boyfriend ever.” 
“Oh?” His focused expression quickly turned into a teasing one. “That’s a relief. I love being good for you.”
“My god.” You tried to act nonchalant, but you couldn’t ignore the skip of your heart. You were about to add on, but your words were muffled by him leaning in and kissing you. His lips moved against yours as if you had all the time in the world which you did–you loved to savor the moment. 
You barely noticed that he had shifted his position so that you were caged under his arms. You could feel him giggle against your lips, his hand coming up to comb through your hair. You would never get over the fact that he had been a good kisser all this time. You wondered just how many kisses you’ve missed out on. 
But then again, his kisses were all for you from now on. You liked–no, loved–the thought of that.
It was still late at night and so, your kisses started to grow more slow and relaxed. Your arms around his neck slowly fell to your sides. 
“Hey, don’t fall asleep on me now.” Jacob smirked, pulling away as he stared down at you, your eyes fighting to stay open.
“Can’t help it,” You mumbled. “Come down already.” You grabbed his arm that was holding him up as he hovered you and pulled him back down to lie with you. Automatically, you were climbing into his embrace and it didn’t take long for you to fall asleep.
“Does my kissing make you sleepy?” He teased.
“Yes. I sleep when I’m in love,” You huffed, your thoughts jumbled and messy from both the kiss and your drowsiness.
“That doesn’t really make sense.” He still kissed the top of your forehead anyway.
“Shut up and go to sleep.”
“Okay, beautiful.”
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hypnoneghoul · 19 days
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request from ao3 for swiss having an off-day and the pack helping. swissalps centered little thing (because i am who i am) but phantom and dew briefly appear. short but fluffy
Nearly all the time he was a walking ray of sunshine, brightening every room he’d walk into and cheering everyone in it up. Swiss was something truly unreal, most ghouls and humans alike often couldn’t believe how joyful a person could be nearly always. Nearly.
Sometimes even Swiss would feel down, whether physically, mentally, or both. All the things he pushed away on a daily basis would finally get through his defenses and bring him down. Thankfully, Swiss had his pack and they’d never let him sulk alone.
It was one of those days, when he woke up feeling dull for no reason at all. Mountain was with him, having cuddled until they both fell asleep the night prior. The multi ghoul snuggled further into him and tried to go back to sleep for a bit more, but the thoughts that suddenly rushed at him—of being a burden, of not helping enough, of being annoying—kept his mind racing. Swiss didn’t know if he should run away or wait for Mountain to wake up and tell him that all this was simply wrong.
Thankfully, the earth ghoul must’ve felt Swiss’ unease through their bond and he woke up before he could really decide. Mountain’s arms tightened around him and with a rumble he brought Swiss closer, sniffing against the top of his head. “W’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” the multi ghoul murmured quietly into his mate’s chest.
“M’heart,” Mountain sighed, “don’ lie to me first thing in the mornin’.”
“Sorry…” Swiss started, but trailed off, leaving the room in a only semi comfortable silence. It took him a while to speak again, quietly hoping that Mountain had fallen back asleep and wouldn’t hear it. “Brain is being mean for no reason again.”
“Hm,” the earth ghoul hummed in acknowledgement. “What can I do, darling?”
“Nothing, it’s just– I– I’m–”
“Swiss.”
“Yeah?”
“It’s not true,” Mountain said and Swiss let out a shaky breath he didn't realize he was holding. The earth ghoul kicked up a low, rumbly purr and leaned down to press a kiss to his mate’s forehead. “It’s not true.”
“Thank you,” Swiss whispered. “Do you think… the others, you think they’re awake?”
“We can find out.” Mountain was already reaching for his phone, squinting as the screen lit up. The multi ghoul didn’t look, just stayed snuggled as closely to Mountain as possible and waited for whatever it was that might happen.
Some time later he heard the doors to their bedroom opening and the next thing he knew the bed was dipping and then there was warm weight on both his sides, cutting half of his body off from his mate. “What’r you doin’?”
“Mountain invited us for cuddles,” Phantom said from right under Swiss’ chin. Dewdrop, already glued to his back and purring, hummed in confirmation.
The multi ghoul smiled softly, “What if I have to pee?”
“That sounds like a you problem,” Dewdrop mumbled and Swiss could feel his lips moving against the skin of his back. The rest of the ghouls chuckled, adjusting some more and soon relaxing in their little tangle of limbs. The multi ghoul couldn’t fight the grin pulling at his lips anymore, staring at Mountain’s still sleep-softened face. 
“Thank you,” Swiss whispered. “All of you. I love you so much.”
“Yeah, yeah, you sap,” Dewdrop scoffed. “We love you, too.”
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mrskreideprinz · 5 months
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| A Sweet Love |
Warnings:  Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Reader is gender neutral, Modern Au, Reader overworks themselves, No pronouns for Reader, He/Him for Alhaitham, almost 1k words. 
Pairing: Alhaitham x GN!Reader
A/n: I have grown soft for Alhaitham <3
Summary: Alhaitham notices you haven’t been taking care of yourself and working yourself to death. Immediately, he makes plans to step in and take matters into his own hands. 
Tags: @neuvillettes @suyacho @themovingcastlez @tighnarly
It had been a long week, grueling and exhausting, but you pushed forth. You did the work that needed to be done and then some. Unfortunately, you had pushed yourself too far this time. It was two am when your husband, Alhaitham, had found you fast asleep on your keyboard. He called out your name quietly and when he got no response he got closer to check in on you, and in doing so found you passed out from the constant work. He had no choice but to wake you up and help you back into bed.
“Hey, sweetheart, let’s get you to bed, okay?” He ushered you up from your wooden chair and walked you down the hall to the bedroom you two shared, ignoring your groans and resistance in the process. 
“Mmm, I have work to do ‘haitham.” You groaned.
But instead of listening to you Alhaitham led you underneath the covers and into the warmth and comfort of your bed. There would be no use fighting him now, tomorrow, or any of the days after that, because he was determined to fix this little mess that you had created. Or at the very least make sure you didn’t kill yourself in the process of it all. He pulled the covers over your body and carefully rested your head onto the pillow, face stern as he found himself lost in his head with all the worries that were consuming him. 
“Are you mad at me?” You asked, barely able to keep your eyes open long enough to see his reaction.
He shook his head, his face telling a different story, but instead of anger he felt concern. “Not at all. We’ll talk tomorrow. Let’s get some sleep.” He said. Kissing your forehead before following into bed behind you. 
The following day he kept a very close eye on you. Paying attention to how much you slept, when you worked, when you ate and what you ate, too. He was very meticulous in how he watched you, trying his best to remain silent and covert. If it weren’t for how exhausted you were you would’ve caught on quickly, but to you he just seemed like he wanted to spend some extra time with you. All the while he watched as you slowly drifted off to sleep on your keyboard, again. 
He lifted his eyes from his book, slowly closing it to approach you. He called out your name and turned your head, and looking up he saw a word document that only had one word on it. He tilted your face to get a good look at your eyes, going through a mental checklist he had made on days like these to ensure you were okay. He pressed the back of his palm to your forehead, it was a little warm but nothing concerning. Physically you seemed fine but he knew better than to believe that lie. You weren’t fine. In fact you were far from it. He couldn’t remember the last time you showered or bathed yourself, so with that he figured the best first step was to bathe you. 
He shook you gently yet just enough to awake you, and awoke with a groan. “Honey, when’s the last time you showered?” 
You shrugged your shoulders and started to drift back asleep. 
He gently shook you once again and asked another question. “Is it alright if I bathe you? I’ll do all the work, but I want to make sure you’re comfortable first and foremost.”
You thought for a moment, opened your eyes briefly, and nodded with a smile. He kissed you on the forehead before he helped you up, walked you down the hall and into the bathroom. You were beginning to wake up again when Alhaitham asked if he could help you undress. You nodded, again. He proceeded to remove your clothing one by one, slowly and gently. Once he’d properly undressed you he wrapped you up in a big towel to keep you warm as you waited for the water to warm. He dutifully made sure he tested it with each passing minute until the water was perfect to your liking. 
He held your hand in his gingerly. “Ready?” He asked, and you nodded weakly with a smile. 
Carefully helping you into the bath he assisted you with sitting down in the tub, reassuring you to relax and just rest in this moment as he did all the work. Alhaitham gently massaged your scalp while washing your hair, and then following it up by cleaning your entire body and being extra careful with your sensitive areas. He’d stop for as long as you needed whenever you expressed the need for a break. He’d pepper your face in soft kisses until you’d smile and giggle happily. Once everything was all said and done he helped you dry off and back into warmer, more comfortable clothes. 
Afterwards, he led you back to bed and urged you to take a nap at the very least, stopping his words whenever he sensed he was getting far too heated. You didn’t need that right now, and he couldn’t risk you falling back into your unhealthy cycle to cope either. So, he eased you underneath the covers and held you close, stroking your hair as he hummed an unfamiliar song to you, until you became fast asleep in his arms. He hoped tomorrow would bring a better day for both of you, but especially you. He didn’t want you to feel like you couldn’t ask for others help, but instead of ruminating on all that he chose to rest with you. Taking it easy until the both of you were well rested enough to talk about it. So, for now he’d rest with you safely in his arms, protecting you from any real or perceived harm. 
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late-night-secrets · 8 months
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It’s almost midnight when you’re finally ready for bed. Tooru’s lying on his side, bedside light on, glasses on the bridge of his nose, book lying open on his chest. The slow, rhythmic rise and fall of the novel and the soft features of his relaxed face are all you need to know that he’s dozen off. Your heart warms at the sight, yet at the same time guilt pinches your stomach; he’s been waiting for you, but the late hour and the exhaustion of a busy week have got the best of him.
Carefully trying not to wake him, you remove the book and his glasses to put them on the bedside table. Strangely enough, it’s you turning off the light that makes him stir. As you lie down next to him, you hear him mumbling your name.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” you mutter into the dark. Since he’s – kind of – awake anyway, you don’t hold back when you snuggle into his side throwing your limbs across him.
Out of reflex, he pulls you closer and tugs your head under his chin. “’s fine,” he mumbles into your hair. “What time issit?”
“Around midnight,” you answer and lift your head briefly to give him a light kiss against his jaw.
A grumble vibrates through his chest which could be interpreted as complaint.
“Sorry, it’s gotten late,” you apologize quietly. “I really need to work on my time managem–…”
“Lips…!” he interrupts to clarify his wordless protest.
You can’t help but smile. Once more, you stretch to lift your head. “Sorry,” you whisper again before you give him a proper kiss on the lips. When you part, you can see his content, droopy smile in the dark. His eyes remain closed.
He’s as tired as you are.
Guilt tugs at your guts again and you lie down in your place underneath his chin. “I’m sorry, Tooru. I really wanted to spent time with you tonight.”
He holds you tightly in his arms, your head pressed against his chest. After being used as pyjamas for a couple of days now, his shirt not only smells but also feels like him; all soft and comfortable. “You worked hard today.”
For a moment you relish his scent, his embrace, his support. Then, you reply, “It’s still no excuse to neglect us. Our time together.” You snuggle a little closer. “Miss you, Tooru.”
“’s fine,” he exhales. It sounds as if he’s at the verge of sleep again. You are about to let him, he deserves the rest – and you do, too.
But then one of his arms shifts; lower. You almost squeal in surprise when he suddenly pinches your butt, and his voice, tired or not, sounds somewhat mischievous. “’m gonna take back all of what we’re missin’ out now when your exams ’re over…!”
You chuckle. “Is that a threat?”
“Yes.”
You let a moment of silence pass. “A promise?”
Because you are missing him.
He presses a lazy kiss on the crown of your head. “’course.”
More seconds pass and you’re slowly drifting into sleep.
You swear he’s fallen asleep with the way his breath slows down but then you hear him once more, his voice muffled by a thick layer of slumber. “Love you.”
A content sigh. “Love you, too, Tooru.”
**********
masterlist
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yoimiworks · 10 months
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A Restless Wait
Gn reader
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The room felt empty without him. Each passing minute, you grew even more weary, but refused to fall into sleep without him being next to you. You were determined to stay awake, but for how long you have to do it, you are not sure.
He’s never this late you kept on reminding yourself, even with the forceful effort of not reminding yourself of it. That sentence was now drilled into your head. That sentence gave you nothing but uneasiness about his lateness. You wanted nothing but to think of the worst case scenario. As you glanced through the room for the nth time, your eyes landed on the object. A solution came to you as swift as lightning.
Flipping open the book you recently purchased from the Yae Publishing House; the storyline, the character, the description are to die for, hence their growth in popularity internationally and locally. The story you were reading never fails on not sending you to the actual story. It didn’t help that the mystery of the protagonist was intriguing, thus you kept on flipping through the hundreds of pages, and not realising when the door cracked opened.
A silhouette entered the room, and it gradually creeped towards you, as its shadow was covering any lighter areas. Anyone would’ve caught on to this act, however the captivity book has captured your interest a bit too much. Before you knew it, the book was hesitantly withdrawn from your hands, resulting in you looking up and meeting the figure’s eyes, the pairs of eyes of your lover.
“Aren’t you supposed to be asleep by now?” He commented with a playful tone. “How could I go to sleep without knowing how that book will end.” You stated, but making it plain as day that you were lying; the lie gave him the truth without needing to ask for it. He smiled briefly before he spoke.
“You shouldn’t have stayed awake for me, beloved.” Before you were able to answer, he continued. “Whatever the reason may be, let’s go to sleep now, it’s late, really.” You were glad that you were finally able to sleep without fear. However, you still did yearn for his voice. Making your cheerful smile fall a bit.
“I’ll come to bed after I'm done washing up.” He promised. “Alright.” Was the only word you could muster out in your sleepy haze. As you rested your head on the pillow, all the worrisome emotions washed away, leaving your soul to be in peace, and soon fall into your long desires slumber.
A few minutes had passed, hands could be felt around your waist, but chasing for sleep is your utmost priority, so you ignored it and returned back to your slumber.
- Ayato, Diluc, Kazuha, Scara, Xiao, and Zhongli
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prescottsgirl · 9 months
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YOU DREW STARS AROUND MY SCARS
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sidney prescott x fem!reader
summary: after jill’s attack on sidney, you visit your girlfriend in the hospital to cheer her up.
warnings: small mention of blood but really just a bunch of fluff
this gif from the alternative ending ☹️ so so cute
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this had to be one of sidney’s most painful ghostface attacks to say the least. not only emotionally after being betrayed by her teenage cousin, but physically too. she’s lost so much blood, she’s surprised that she’s even still alive. you’re not very shocked though; you know she’s a fighter.
“hey you! looks like someone’s feeling a little better,” you greeted sidney, walking into her hospital room. she was awake, smiling at you as you came closer to the bed. the past few days she’s mostly spent sleeping, as to not have to feel pain as much -and because the blood loss took away a lot of her energy.
you were ecstatic to see her so social today; you really missed seeing her smile and hearing her voice. you just wish you were able to go back in time and take the knife instead of her. she doesn’t deserve this.
“yeah, the doctor said i should be out of here in a couple of days. m’healing pretty fast.” you could tell just by the way she spoke that she was still a little out of it. however, you couldn’t wait to finally be able to take her back home. you’ve stayed in the hospital the most you can with her, but the nurses eventually make you leave. your house is pretty empty without your girlfriends presence.
with that being said, every single day, you wake up bright and early to come visit your girlfriend and to stay until dark.
“that’s awesome, baby!” you lean down and gently kiss her forehead before pulling a chair over to her bedside. “charlie keep’s sleeping on your side of the bed every night. i’m clearly not the only one who misses you.” after sidney’s dog had unfortunately passed away, you decided to surprise her with another golden retriever when the time was right. they quickly became best friends and he became very protective over sid. “he’s so sick of me, sid. i keep rolling over to hug you when i’m half asleep, forgetting that he’s there,” you said to lighten sidney’s mood.
she giggled, still brightly smiling even under these circumstances. “ooh, don’t make me laugh,” she placed her arm over her stomach and groaned, however, not showing any signs of wanting you to actually quit it. “now he knows how I feel every night.” she sent a smirk your way, simply teasing you around. she truly adores the fact that you’re always so cuddly on her in your sleep.
“hey! don’t lie, you love it.”
she bit down on her bottom lip at you, her cheeks flushing a soft shade of pink, “i do, and i miss it a lot.” she briefly gazes at you and her eyes soften even more before she speaks up again, “lay with me?”
you beamed at her and immediately got up out of your chair, “of course, my love.” she attempted to move her body to the side to make room for you, but she felt so weak in failing to do so. she grunted, her body limply laying back down and she looked so defeated. “don’t stress yourself, honey. let me help you.”
you wrapped your arms around her upper torso, gently angling her body so she’s not bending at her wound, then slowly sliding her legs over. she let’s out a deep sigh but doesn’t seem to be in any more discomfort than she already was. sidney is so independent, so to barely be able to move on her own is taking a huge toll on her.
you get in on the other side of the bed and wrap your arms around her body again. she rests her head against your chest, feeling drowsy. the medication is certainly not helping with her energy levels. your heart starts shattering again; how could someone, a family remember at that, want to even hurt sidney?
“oh actually, i forgot; i brought you something.” she lifts her head up once more and looks at you curiously. you reach over to the bedside table where you placed the surprise when you walked in. “i know this hospital food sucks, so i brought you your favorite homemade brownies and my sweatshirt so you can feel like i’m here with you when they kick me out.”
she dopily smiled at you and leaned forward to place a lingering kiss on your lips. you knew sidney has always loved stealing your clothes, and you do the same to her, especially when she was away on her book tour.
“I love you. and your amazing brownies,” she said and let out a yawn afterwards, very clearly exhausted. you giggled at her and kissed her cheek.
“well eat up and then i think someone needs to get some rest.”
“i think so too.”
as much as you hated sidney being hurt, you were glad that she was going to be okay and that you got to spend time with her in her recovery. you certainly weren’t planning on leaving her side again.
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happilyhertale · 11 months
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Love at first sight - Aemond Targaryen x female!reader, Part 2
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Summary: The announcement of your pregnancy to your husband, Aemond Targaryen, had serious consequences for you. Yet you both pulled yourselves together and wanted your marriage to work.
Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader
Author’s note: Hey you (:
After some time now the desired second part of "Love at first sight" (:
I hope you will enjoy it! English is my second language, please forgive me if I made any mistakes (:
Word count: 3.7 k
Other stories of mine
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
You sit in your cosy chambers. You sit in your favourite place, a comfortable armchair, and gaze out of the window. Your hand gently glides over your ripe, round belly, swollen from the precious life growing inside you. Despite the physical changes and occasional discomfort, you enjoy every moment of your pregnancy and delight in the kicks and movements of your child. You can hardly suppress the overwhelming joy and excitement that fills your heart as you prepare for the imminent arrival of your child and anticipate the miracle of motherhood. As the maesters have predicted, birth is imminent and you eagerly await the moment when you will finally hold your precious bundle of joy in your arms.
Aemond is a devoted husband in the midst of the challenges you face. It hasn't been easy lately, especially since the revelation of his illegitimate child, which weighs heavily on you. However, the two of you are working together to overcome this obstacle and Aemond is doing his best to gain your forgiveness. Although you have temporarily moved into your own chambers, he remains close to you whenever possible, demonstrating his unwavering commitment to your bond.
The most remarkable change in you is the newfound belief that you are not inferior to a Targaryen. The scandalous history of this family is well known, and there are other numerous skeletons in the closet. Despite this, your love for Aemond has not diminished, but rather morphed into something else.
You don't have the striking silver hair or captivating purple eyes associated with the Targaryen line, but you stand by the uniqueness of your own physical features. You have adorable green eyes and luscious brown hair that you are proud of, and you hope that your child will inherit some of those traits as well.
In the serene silence of your own chambers, you sleep and live and enjoy the simple pleasures of life. When you are not walking in the lush gardens, you immerse yourself in painting and bask in the gentle sunlight streaming through the window. As you paint, you feel a deep connection with the little one growing inside you, and the activity seems to soothe the restlessness of your unborn child.
Often Aemond keeps you company by sitting by your side as you paint. He shares his experiences of the day with you, and you discuss a variety of topics, including the joys and challenges of pregnancy. Despite his long and exhausting council meetings, Aemond always finds time to sit with you in your chambers.
In the cosy embrace of the sofa you have long conversations, occasionally accompanied by Aemond's gentle foot massages. When the fatigue of the day takes over, Aemond helps you up and tucks you into bed. His tender kiss on your forehead lulls you into a peaceful slumber.
But in the quiet hours of the night, you long for Aemond's presence, yearn for the comfort of his strong arms embracing you. You long for the closeness that only he can give you.
One night you lie awake. The baby is kicking wildly in your belly. The thought creeps into your mind that maybe you do have a dragon inside you. A smile curls your lips. But the little thing won't let you sleep. You turn your head to the side and see the other side of your bed. It seems so empty and cold. You sigh softly.
Slowly you sit up. You gasp as another kick follows. You caress your belly and close your eyes briefly.
"Well, what do you want to tell me?" you whisper to the baby.
Slowly you get up from your bed. With careful steps you walk over to your wardrobe and put on your dressing gown. You leave your chambers.
Slowly you walk through the corridors. Your hands rest on your large belly. Only the wind can be heard, blowing softly through the corridors. No other sounds can be heard. You reach the corridor where your destination is. When you reach the door, you knock briefly.
You don't know if Aemond is still awake.
You hear nothing, but you knock again.
You sigh and a gasp leaves your lips as you feel another kick. But as you turn to return to your rooms, you hear rustling in Aemond's chambers.
The door opens. Aemond stands in the doorway, the inside of his chambers dark.
"What is it?" says Aemond almost annoyed, but when he sees you, his gaze immediately softens.
He is wearing only light trousers, his lean muscular torso showing. You have to smile slightly.
"Y/n? What's wrong? Did something happen?" he asks immediately, concerned.
You shake your head slightly, "No... I... I couldn't sleep... The baby keeps kicking and..." you say softly.
Aemond smiles at you
"Do you want to come in?" he asks you gently.
You nod slightly at him, still smiling.
He steps aside and you walk past him into his chambers. It is dark in his chambers. As Aemond closes the door, you don't really see anything at first. But he steps to a table and lights some candles.
You walk slowly through his chambers. You sit down on his bed and stroke your belly. When you suddenly feel another stronger kick, you gasp briefly.
Aemond is immediately at your side. He kneels down in front of you, "Love... are you all right?" he whispers worriedly.
You smile and nod. You breathe a little harder, but you take his hand and place it on your stomach without saying anything. You look into his purple eye and notice the sparkle in them as he feels a kick from his child.
He smiles immediately.
"I felt a kick," he whispers.
You nod, "The baby is very active tonight"
He chuckles lightly, "That's great," he says softly.
You chuckle too.
You stay like that for a while and he just strokes your belly. Until at some point he stands up. He gets a few more pillows and puts them on the bed. You watch him do this and smile.
"What are you doing?" you ask gently.
He looks slightly at you, "mhm?" he asks without looking directly in your direction. He concentrates on putting the pillows on the bed.
"With the pillows. What are you doing?" you ask, smiling.
He smiles, "You need to be comfortable. After all, you have a huge belly," he winks lightly at you.
You chuckle lightly and shake your head, "It's your fault I'm so fat,"
He laughs lightly, "And I wouldn't want to change that"
As he finishes arranging the pillows, he helps you slide up to the head of the bed and lean against the mound of pillows.
Aemond lies down beside you and looks at you. He smiles gently.
After a while you turn on your side, you snuggle up to him. He wraps his arms around you.
You enjoy it, you have missed it so much. You haven't been in his arms like this for a long time.
Your head is on his chest and you can feel his heartbeat. He gently strokes your hair. You also notice how your baby becomes calmer. The kicks and movements inside you become softer and less. And with Aemond's gentle heartbeat and regular breathing, you drift off to sleep.
Aemond holds you throughout the night. Whenever you wake slightly, you feel his hands caressing you. Either gently gliding through your hair. Or your lower back receives gentle caresses. Or how he gently lets his fingers caress your belly.
In the morning, the sun shines into the chambers. Aemond is still holding you in his arms. You look up into his face. He is not wearing his eye patch. He looks so peaceful. The burden that weighs down on his shoulders during the day seems to have disappeared.
"It's rude to stare," he says quietly, in his sleepy voice.
You just laugh lightly. He opens his eye and looks at you. You lean forward and kiss his lips softly.
"Mhmm..." he chimes in. He wraps his arms around you.
"Do you have to get up now?" you whisper against his lips.
He nods slightly, "I'm afraid so...", he whispers to you.
After you have stood up and Aemond has dressed, you step out of his chambers together. At first Aemond wanted to accompany you to your chambers, but you assured him that this was not necessary. So Aemond sets off for the council meeting.
You walk towards your chambers. Your lower back aches and it is difficult to breathe. Perhaps you should let the maesters know to bring you something for the pain. When suddenly you feel a twinge.
You gasp.
You clutch your belly. And then you're standing in a puddle. You whimper. The liquid just runs down your legs. You look down and a contraction follows. You clench your teeth. You squint your eyes even more. Your breathing quickens. You lean against the wall. The contraction ends again shortly afterwards and you look up. No one is near you. Your breathing is intermittent. With one hand you hold your belly, with the other you lean against the wall. Slowly you move forward. You continue walking when another contraction follows. Again you clench your teeth. You whimper softly.
Slowly you move forward, but finally you reach the maester's rooms.
With the last of your strength you push the door open.
The maesters look up indignantly until they see you.
You stand there panting, your skin sweaty.
"The baby... it's coming," you whimper before sinking to your knees.
"Princess!" they say almost simultaneously.
The maesters are immediately at your side. They help you up.
"Princess, we need to get you into a bed," one maester says to you.
You just nod and gasp.
Two of the maesters take you to the nearest spare chambers and they lay you down on a bed.
"Aemond... Prince Aemond... please tell him," you whimper.
"Princess... A man should not...", a maester replies.
"Please tell Prince Aemond," you say again.
The maesters look at each other, but nod at you.
More maesters enter the chambers, bringing midwives with them. The midwives have cloths and bowls of warm water with them.
Another contraction follows and this time you scream. A midwife is immediately at your side. She holds your hand through the contraction. A maester steps in front of you and just pushes up the skirt of your dress. You blush slightly and look up at the ceiling. You bite your lip.
The next contraction follows and you scream again. Another midwife approaches you and dabs your sweat. Your breathing is labored.
But after a while you look at the one midwife, "Prince Aemond... Where is Prince Aemond?"
She smiles at you, "He must be in a council meeting, Princess," she says gently, dabbing at your sweat.
"No... he must be here... he must be here!" you suddenly say ernergically.
She looks at you a little speechless.
Then another midwife comes forward, "I will inform him, Princess."
And she turns around and goes straight away.
You lie there, tears streaming down your face, as the next contraction follows.
The midwife, after running quickly through the corridors, comes to the room where the council meeting is taking place.
Guards are standing in front of it and they look at her.
"I have a message for Prince Aemond," she says, breathing a little heavily.
The guards just look at her.
"He's busy," one guard replies.
"He'll want to hear this," the midwife says simply.
The guards do not move. She reaches for the doorknob.
The one guard reaches for her wrist.
"Princess y/n is in labour. She has instructed me to send word to her husband. If you want to stop me, I will be happy to tell the princess," she says to the guard.
The guard reluctantly lets go of her hand and she opens the door.
All eyes are on her.
She curtsies, "Your Highness. Lords," she greets those present before looking at Aemond, "Prince Aemond. Princess y/n is in her labour, she sent me to fetch you"
Aemond takes a moment to process the statement and then stands up.
"The session is postponed" he says simply and walks out of the room.
Aemond follows the midwife. She leads Aemond to you.
As Aemond enters the chambers, he sees you lying on the bed. You are lying there and screaming. You are drenched in sweat. Two midwives are at your side and a maester stands before you.
"Why wasn't I told earlier that my wife was in labour?" asks Aemond angrily when he sees that you are already in labour.
A maester turns to him, "My prince... It is not customary for the husband to be present when the wife gives birth..."
"If you want to take away from me again the decision to be able to be with my wife while she gives birth, you have been a maester for the longest time," he hisses at him. The maester looks to the ground and simply nods.
A midwife leaves your side so that Aemond can be by your side.
"Aemond...", you gasp when you see him beside you.
He kisses your hand, "I'm here," he whispers, "I'm here now."
You cry out again and put your head back. You gasp heavily.
"You can do this, my Love" he kisses the side of your head. You just nod.
"Princess, it's almost done," the Maester suddenly calls to you, kneeling between your legs.
"Push again, I can see the head!" he says.
You whimper, but push with the last of your strength as the contraction approaches.
You cry out and Aemond continues to kiss your hand.
The maester reaches for the baby. But no screams are heard. You look at him, the maester has the baby in his arms. You look at Aemond for help, but he looks seriously at the maester. The maester just looks unimpressed and gives the baby a good smack on the ass and the baby starts to cry.
You smile and breathe a sigh of relief as your baby starts to scream.
You look at Aemond, he smiles.
The maester hands the baby to the midwife to clean.
He turns to you, "A girl," he says simply.
You give a short laugh.
"A girl," you say to Aemond and he smiles, he kisses you.
The next day Aemond comes to your chambers, you have your daughter in your arms.
You smile at him as he enters your chambers.
"My love," he says as he approaches you.
You smile and cradle your daughter in your arms. He kneels down beside you. He gently strokes your daughter's arm.
"Shall we stick with the name Myrcella?" he asks with a smile.
You nod, "Yes...it has a nice ring to it... Myrcella Targaryen"
He nods at you, "I can't disagree with you there," he smiles at you and strokes the roots of Myrcella's silver hair.
You sit there like that for some time until you look at him.
"I want your other child to come to court," you say softly.
He looks at you, "My love..." he says, "... I don't think that's a good idea"
"I want to, Aemond," you tell him.
He says nothing. Silence reigns in your chambers for a moment.
"I would like to put this behind me... I am not proud of what I have done..." he says.
You shake your head slightly, "But you did it," you say.
His face twitches briefly.
Myrcella giggles briefly.
You look down at her.
"I'm not doing this to spite you... But... I was alone at first when the birth started. I was alone and I went to see the maesters... And then you weren't told that my labour had started and I was lying there alone... without you. That was terrible. I was so helpless when the maester pushed up my skirt..."
Aemond just looks at you, reaching for your hand.
"I don't want a child to grow up without its father. It should be here... Have the opportunity..." you say softly.
Aemond is silent for a moment and sighs briefly.
"You're asking a lot of me..." he looks at you.
And you just nod.
"I will not bring her, my cousin, here, though. You can't ask that, my Love," he says seriously.
You nod after some time, "Okay... I'm okay with that"
He smiles slightly at you, "Do you know that you have a good heart? That you're too good?"
You smile at him, "Don't be too sure... Maybe I just want to torture you after all"
He has to chuckle softly.
And Aemond initiates it. He gives himself the shame and talks to his mother.
Aemond makes his way to Alicent's chambers.
"Mother," he says as he enters the rooms.
She looks at him and smiles.
"Aemond, how good to see you," she says softly.
He smiles slightly.
"How are y/n doing? How is she coping?" she asks smiling.
He smiles too, "She's doing well and thriving in her task," he says softly.
"Oh that's so good to hear... I'll visit her later, I want to see my grandchild," she says happily.
He smiles and nods.
"But mother... I am here for another thing," he says softly.
She looks at him.
"Can you remember when Cousin Naerys was sent to Dorne? Because of what she did...?" he asks quietly.
Alicent nods, "Yes. How could I forget. Giving yourself to a man before marriage and getting pregnant too..."
Aemond's cheeks turn slightly red.
"Mother... you don't know the whole truth... She slept with me," he finally says.
Alicent's eyes grow wide. She is speechless for a moment.
"Aemond... how... what?" she asks incredulously.
Aemond looks at the floor, "It... it's not excusable... It was a mistake... and... I didn't say anything when she was sent away..." he says.
She walks towards him, and grabs his forearms.
"Aemond..." she says simply.
He looks up and into her eyes.
"y/n wants to bring the child to court," he says.
Alicent's breath catches in her throat.
"Y/n wants what? She knows about it? She wants the child here? You can't do that," she stammers.
Aemond shakes his head, "It is important to y/n that the child comes to court... that it does not grow up without a father," he says gravely.
"And I support her in this... it is important to her," he continues.
"Aemond... please consider this... you would have a bastard child at court," Alicent says seriously.
His gaze turns a little cool, "It wouldn't be the first Targaryen bastard child"
Alicent takes a step back. But she finally nods, "Okay... I'll see what I can do"
And a few weeks later, Aemond comes into your chambers. He has a letter in his hand and he smiles. You sit with Myrcella in front of a canvas and try to paint something. You look up and smile at him.
He stands in front of you, "My daughter is coming to court," he says simply.
You continue to smile.
"Her mother is dead," he adds.
Your smile fades.
"Excuse me?" you say.
"It's in this letter. I guess she died shortly after giving birth..." he says as his gaze goes over the letter again.
"But who took care of your daughter until now? She must still be an infant?" you ask, turning further to him.
"Apparently the ladies of the court... I'm not quite sure," he says quietly, continuing to read.
"Aemond... that's terrible..." you say quietly.
He looks up, "I guess that's true... but she's coming here now"
You nod at him.
You look down and stroke Myrcella's cheek gently. As she looks up at you, you see her emerald green eyes shine. You smile softly and hold her close to your body.
A few days later, the time has come. You stand in the courtyard awaiting the arrival of Aemond's daughter. With you and Aemond, Alicent stands in the courtyard. You all say nothing. Aemond has Myrcella in his arms, cradling her gently.
As the carriage approaches, you are excited. You tug a little at the skirt of your dress.
The carriage pulls into the courtyard.
As it comes to a stop, you take a step forward. The door of the carriage opens and a lady steps out. She has a child in her arms. The lady looks at all of you first and then approaches you.
"Hello," you say softly.
"Hello Princess y/n," she says.
"This is Rhae," she says, turning so that the little girl is looking at you.
You smile at her, "Hello Rhae," you say and gently take her hand.
Purple eyes beam at you. The lady hands you little Rhae.
You hold her close and turn to Aemond. He looks tense. You can see that he is ashamed. But you smile at him and go to him.
"Little Rhae... This is your father, Prince Aemond. You are a princess," you say softly.
Aemond looks at you with raised eyebrows.
"Please show respect to the princess," you say playfully to Aemond.
He shakes his head slightly, but has to smile.
He hands Myrcella over to Alicent. Alicent just stands there, trying to smile.
Aemond turns back to you.
"Princess Rhae...," he says softly.
You hand her to Aemond and you see her looking closely at him. Aemond holds her and you see a smile on his face.
Throughout the day you and Aemond spend time with Rhae and Myrcella. Towards evening, the nannies come to put the children to bed. You stay with Aemond in the chambers. You lie on the bed and cuddle.
"You were sweet with Rhae..." you say softly.
He chuckles lightly and kisses your head.
"I'm serious..." you whisper.
"I have to admit it felt good too... With two daughters..." he says softly.
You smile and snuggle closer to him.
"I don't want her to ever be called a bastard..." you say after a while.
"She's not a bastard. She's your daughter and she'll grow up with us..." you say softly.
Aemond closes his arms further around you and nods.
"She won't be a bastard," he says softly.
You look up at him and smile.
You kiss him as he gently caresses your arms.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
Tag list:
@aemonds-wifey @hoshi-miharu-blog @arryn-nyx @aemond-targaryenx @praline357 @bellaisasleep @amazingnerd @yentroucnagol @introverbatim
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Text
Spelldrive Club's Camping Cuddles
Coach Vargas said the tents can hold one or two students, but how about two and (technically) a half student?
NOTE: I only write for female reader, but everyone is welcome to read it!
Poly Relationships between club members (Character/Reader/Character)
Suggestive at the beginning? Leona and Ruggie, man, they just do things to me.
Also, headcanon that Ruggie has a really diverse and a bit odd set of skills because he's had many, many jobs.
— (っ˘▽˘)(˘▽˘)˘▽˘ς)
— Leona/Reader/Ruggie
— (っ˘▽˘)(˘▽˘)˘▽˘ς)
"Do you want me to sing you a lullaby? Shishishi~"
Leona smirks at Ruggie's yelp when he pulls the hyena down, forcing him to straddle his hips. Oh, how many sleepless nights of theirs started like this? Ruggie seems to think the same, a soft blush rising to his cheeks, trying to tug his wrists free of Leona's hands.
"Leona, not here!" the second year chides, trying to move away.
"Why, afraid everyone will hear you being loud?"
And, Seven, can Ruggie be loud. From whining to moaning to howling, he's an entire symphony that the second prince just can't get enough of. Specially when their girlfriend joins the orchestra with her own sweet sounds. They're lucky his room back in Savanaclaw is soundproof.
But this tent isn't.
"Hey, no teasing the hyena without me!" (Y/N) pouts as she enters, bringing with her a pillow and a blanket to add to their pile.
"No teasing the hyena, period!" Ruggie hisses, blush deepening when Leona runs his hands over his thighs, hips and waist. He hits the third year's chest with his now free hands, too lightly to really do any of the damage the blonde is capable of. "Leona!"
"Fine, fine, I'll let you keep your pride," the lion huffs, giving his waist a last squeeze before pulling him down for a kiss.
Ruggie's kisses are so, so greedy, he takes and takes and takes, like a starved man, and Leona doesn't mind giving and giving and giving, doesn't mind being wanted so greatly. They separate with a loud noise, a string of saliva briefly connecting them before breaking.
"My turn!"
Without waiting for anything, the girl throws a leg over Leona's belly, and he has a second to revel at the feeling of both his loves on him before her lips are on his. Differently from Ruggie, (Y/N) gives and gives and gives, though she's isn't any less greedy, taking pleasure in giving and having him take. And he takes, takes and takes and takes, allowing her to fill every nook and cranny of his soul.
This kiss ends much as the previous kiss, and Leona watches with half lidded eyes as his lovers—his his his—give, and give and give, and take, and take and take. Only when they're satisfied do they turn their attention back to him, all three agreeing silently to allow the charged air around them to turn into gentle warmth.
They do still have to sleep, and they are all cuddlers.
Though Leona, surprisingly, takes a bit more to fall asleep than the two resting their heads on his chest, thinking of what just transpired. His lovers having fun together on top of him, now there's something new for them to try when they return to NRC.
He might even stay awake for all of it.
— Ruggie/Reader/Epel
— (っ˘▽˘)(˘▽˘)˘▽˘ς)
"How come you're so good at this?"
"Hm? I worked at a spa a few times. Had to learn fast and proper."
Epel looks at him with big eyes full of awe, and Ruggie isn't sure how he feels about it, but he can tell is a good feeling. He's not used to being awe worthy, unless we're talking about the children back home. All his life, the skills he cultivated were nothing but necessities, and he never thought of them as incredible, or of himself as incredible for having them. He's sure that if he can do it, everyone can.
"Wait until he gives you a massage," (Y/N) grins from the makeshift bed, watching them with what the hyena can only call loving eyes. "Our boyfriend is so good at everything he does~"
"Now that's a lie, my grades on History of Magic should prove that much."
"I'm sure that if it was an actually useful skill, you'd have it down," Epel mumbles, trying to stay still so Ruggie can finish cleaning off the product.
Poor boy, having to go through a long night routine just so Vil wouldn't throw a hissy fit. Ruggie feels bad for him, he can't imagine how it must feel like to have a Housewarden breathing down your neck every awake minute. Leona is a blessing in comparison.
"I dunno about that–"
"Nope, not listening! It's Ruggie appreciation hours in this house."
"It's a tent–"
"Ruggie appreciation hours~!" The first year parrots, grinning teasingly at him.
Ruggie is done feeling bad for him.
"Ok, ok, enough. We're done here, this should be enough to fool Vil for long enough for you to get to your room and actually do it all."
"Thank you, Ruggie."
Epel hesitates a bit, and Ruggie watches curiously, hands busy closing and returning the products to the bag, as he seems to fight with himself for a second or two before nodding, also to himself, a determined expression on his face.
Next thing the hyena knows, soft lips tasting of apples press against his. He blinks once, twice, thrice, before kissing back, enjoying the rare occasion. Epel is a bit shy with his kisses when it comes to Ruggie, since the second year joined their relationship later, so Ruggie knows to enjoy the moment without hesitation.
Epel is as red as the apples he tastes like once the kiss is over, and Ruggie can't stop the chuckling.
"Aw, look at my boys," (Y/N) coos, smiling brilliantly at them. She's been the bridge between them from the beginning, and it's obvious how happy seeing them together makes her.
"Oh, shush. And come here."
She takes Ruggie's hand promptly, allowing him to pull her close and slot their lips together. Gentle kisses tasting slightly of lip balm, he never gets tired of her kisses, no matter how many she gives him every time she has the chance.
He goes to sleep with the taste of apple and lip balm on his tongue.
— Leona/Reader/Epel
Epel isn't sure how in the world he ended here (and this is true!), and he knows that if Vil catches a whiff of this, the scolding will be just as legendary are the Great Seven themselves. But still.
But still.
But still, he feels so warm when Leona fixes his eyes on him, watching him with almost glowing eyes. The beastman could be sleeping, finally free from the rest of the club and his nagging caretaker, but instead he watches silently as Epel goes through Vil's prescribed skin care.
He feels even warmer when (Y/N) comes in, greeting him with a soft kiss to his shoulder before joining Leona on the makeshift bed, her eyes forever so loving as she cuddles up to their boyfriend.
Their boyfriend.
How the fuck did Epel get here?
Just thinking about how the three came together gives him a headache, specially considering how he was the only one stressing about his feelings, while the other two just... just vibed their way into it. Didn't help that the Prefect and Leona had already been dating, and Epel spent days fighting off the feeling of being an intruder–
Nope. He's not gonna think about that right now.
"Oh, did you finish?" (Y/N) asks, probably noticing that Epel skipped some steps and went directly to the end.
"Yeah, but no. Fuck this and fuck Vil."
"That's the spirit," Leona smirks, a pleased purr following his words. "Bedtime, little bunny."
"Stop calling me that!"
"But you're just so cute~"
Epel glares at him, but he knows that he doesn't look as threatening as he'd like. Then again, who could ever look threatening to Leona Kingscholar of all people?
With a huff, the first year shoves his products in his bag, before finally approaching his partners. Leona is already half asleep, so the kiss is quick, lazy, but very warm. (Y/N)'s goodnight kiss is just as quick, but attentive and sweet.
Vil be damned. Insecurities be damned.
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ryloriee678999 · 2 years
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Bittersweet (Natasha Romanoff x Reader)
Summary: you give your girlfriend one last call. (804 words)
Warning: major character death and stab wounds. 
Weakly you grab your phone to call Natasha. You smile when there's a bar of signal, it was lucky though because you’re in the middle of nowhere on some bench. 
You can't quite remember her number right now so you click on her contact, briefly smiling at the photo of her you saw every time you called her. You hold the phone up to your ear, your elbow right above the deep laceration slashed across your torso. The brightness from your phone is the only beam of light besides the one lamp post across from you. Everything else was pitch black.
911 wouldn't come in time and where you settled is like a ghost town. No one was around to see you bleed out and no one would come. So instead, you call your girlfriend in hopes to hear her voice one last time.
 The phone stops ringing shortly after, you barely notice. You didn't think she would pick up since it’s about 2 in the morning but she did.
“Hello?” She says. You can hear the tiredness and confusion in her voice. If it wasn't for the pain that filled your body, you might have felt bad about waking her up. “Hey,” you greet, as cheerfully as you can sound. It only dawns on you now how painful this is. 
Natasha sits up right away at the sound of your voice. The mission was non-contact so she was surprised that you were calling her. “Baby is that you? Is everything okay? How's the mission?.” You could hear how desperate she sounded.
“I just wanted to call, see how everything is, I miss you,” you respond, purposely ignoring her questions. It was hard for you to lie to her.
“I miss you too,” she sighs. “But you’re back tomorrow, right?”
You bite your lip to hide a whimper, another gush of blood stains your shirt. “Sorry, I still have a few things to tie up.” You were dying. “I think it will be a few more days.”
You knew Natasha was frowning, it made your heart clench She hated when you went away no matter how short. The mission was only supposed to last a few days and you should be coming home tomorrow if it wasn’t for the complication you faced. “So how’s everything back home?” You ask, just wanting her to hear her speak.
“Same shit as always. Training, paperwork, but I talked to Wanda and…” she continues on. For a second you bring the phone away from your ear to adjust the sweater that is wrapped around your body. It failed to compress the wound so you tightened it further with a grunt.
When you brought the phone back to your ear you heard her still rambling, something about a party. “Is everything okay?” She asks, her voice going from happy to concern in an instant. She must've heard you.
“Yeah, just stubbed my toe, hurts like a bitch,” you laugh. “ Anyway, what was that about a party?”
“Well Tony is holding something to launch his new products and he wants everyone there,” she explains, making it sound worse than it really is. “We should go.”
You feel yourself smile a little, “are you asking me out?” You tease, but feel yourself getting weaker right after. Even though it's the middle of summer, you feel so cold. You’d much rather be in her arms right now.
“Shut up, never mind.” You can visualize her rolling her eyes, wishing you were in bed next to her. “So are you coming with me?” she asks after a pause
You space out, her voice almost sounds like it's underwater. The only thing bringing you back is another sharp sting that felt like getting stabbed all over again. 
“lyubov? You there?” 
“Yeah I'm just tired, of course I’ll go with you,” you say. It would be a little far to say you’d rather die than go, but I guess that's the reality. “Why don't you go to sleep?” She suggested. “You have more stuff to do tomorrow, I don't want you doing it exhausted.” 
“Okay,” you mumble, fighting your eyes awake as black dots start to show up in your vision.  “I’ll see you soon. be safe, okay?”
“Yeah,” you pause for a second, thinking about what final words to say to her. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she responds with a smile. 
Your hands drop to your sides, letting your phone hit the ground as tears swell up in your eyes. You’re not afraid of dying, it was saying goodbye that was hard. You didn't have to think about it for too long though, your head started to go blank and all your pain numbed. 
You must have forgotten to hang up the phone because right before everything ends, you hear your girlfriend say her last words to you. “Goodnight, love.”
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nkatr84 · 2 years
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Comfort
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So my heart just broke upon learning Marc’s story. Not even with Loki did I want to reach into a TV screen and hug a character. This episode made me fall in love with Marc as much as Steven. (BRING HIM BACK MARVEL!!! 😭) And until episode 6 comes out, I need this catharsis to tide me over. Hints of Steven x reader and Jake x reader, but mostly Marc x reader. Enjoy!
Waking up in the middle of the night was to be expected when dating a superhero that worked mostly at night. What you could never expect was the same experience each time. Because your boyfriend was actually three people in one body thanks to their Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Steven would try to be quiet when he came in. He really did. But his natural clumsy nature would often bump into something with a hushed curse along the lines of “Oh Bollocks!”
Or sometimes you’d open your eyes to see him sitting up and reading in bed. Still unable to sleep sometimes. Squinting through his glasses in the moonlight. He’d always notice you had awakened, and apologize,
“Sorry Love. Did I wake you?”
Then you would curl up on his chest as he read to you, his London accent soothing you back to sleep.
Jake didn’t bother being quiet. He knew you were a light sleeper. He did try to avoid you seeing the blood on him before he stripped to take a shower. Other times you would wake up to find Jake lavish his attentions on you. Giving you a sly wink on his way down.
Marc almost never woke you up. Maybe you’d wake up when he come home, but he’d always whisper in his Chicago cadence,
“Just me. Go back to sleep Baby.”
And with a gentle kiss to your forehead you would, only briefly becoming aware when he’d join you under the covers. He never tried to wake you up again.
So imagine your surprise one night when you awoke to the sound of whimpering. Jake would never and the lack of Steven’s accent told you it was Marc. You turned over to see Marc practically in the fetal position, eyes clenched closed.
He was muttering softly in his sleep,
“No…please Ma…Mom please…please stop…stop…I didn’t mean it…please…Mommy please…”
You sat up, unsure. You wouldn’t dare with Jake. Steven you wouldn’t hesitate. But how would Marc react? Though you couldn’t see or hear Khonshu, you knew he had his way to make himself known.
“Should I wake him?” You whispered to the dark. A gentle breeze that came from nowhere ruffled the curtains.
“I hope that’s a yes.” You muttered to yourself. You turned to Marc and started to shake his bare shoulder.
“Marc? Marc? Marc Honey wake up.” You called gently.
He jolted awake, sitting up trying to catch his breath. His eyes, watery and red from unshed tears took in his surroundings before landing on you.
“Bad dream?”
He nodded, swallowing,
“Bad memories.”
He sighed rubbing his hands down his face.
“Come on. Lie down.” You nodded plumping up the pillows. Unsure, Marc waited until you laid down and made grabby hands at him. He gave a small upturn of his lips before he complied. Adjusting himself so that he was using you as a pillow. His head nestled between your boobs. He sighed in content as your fingers started to comb through his curls.
Still he had to ask,
“Aren’t you going to ask me about it?”
“Do you want to talk about it?” You replied.
You waited. He didn’t say anything. But you could hear the gears turning in his head.
“Not really.” He finally replied. “But you need to know.”
So he told you. About his little brother. About the accident in the cave. About his mother. You felt your nightshirt growing damp with his tears. You felt your own tears threaten to fall. You knew from your research with DID that some kind of childhood trauma caused it. But suddenly it all made sense. Steven’s innocence. Jake’s intensity. Marc’s protectiveness. All combined by a sweet gentleness that took your breath away.
When he was finished, you sniffed,
“Oh Baby. I’m so sorry. I wish I could have helped you.”
“You do though. Every time you touch me with love. Every time you comfort me. And Steven. And Jake. All those times you do something for us to make us feel loved. That helps.” He told you.
What else could you say?
“I love you. All of you.”
“I love you too. Steven and Jake say Ditto.” Marc told you with a glance at the mirror. You only saw his reflection of course, but you knew in his minds eye that Steven and Jake were there. Steven smiling softly with adoration. Jake smirking with pride.
With a giggle you put a hand on his chiseled jawline and drew Marc up to meet your lips. He shifted up on his knees to deepen the kiss. You wouldn’t mind it if this was how Marc would wake you up.
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about2dance · 19 days
Note
Happy Friday! For An'da/Solas, — “work can wait. you need rest.”
I also got the same prompt for Felassan and An'da from @dreadfutures so I thought I'd combine them into a time travel/multi-life exploration of An'da's ridiculous tendency to overwork when people are depending on her.
For @dadrunkwriting
An’da stifled a yawn, the words on the parchment before her were beginning to blur together, and she wasn’t entirely sure she remembered reading the last page. Fenhedis! She’d have to go back and re-read the - A jaw popping yawn forced it’s way out past her defenses as she accepted the inevitable and turned back to the previous page of this particular missive. Strong hands landed on her shoulders as Solas's thumbs dug into the rocks of tension that had once been her shoulders. A pleasant humming warmth began to consume the area. “I thought you were asleep,” she mumbled, letting her cheek nuzzle his arm for just a moment. There was work to complete, after all. “It is difficult to sleep when your heart is determined to work herself to death,” “Is it the light from the candles keeping you awake?” “I believe I already stated my position, and it had nothing to do with the candles,” a kiss landed in the top of her hair. “Come to bed Vhenan.” “Just a few more minutes, I promise.” She returned her heavy gaze to the parchment before her, her eyelids fluttering closed for only a moment.
An’da stifled a yawn as she measured ingredients into the boiling kettle on the tiny brazier before her. Just one more batch of healing salve and she’d rest. This batch needed to go out to the rebels at Andruil’s western border. They were sneaking it in to those who were dealing with the fall-out of her latest rage. With every jar she capped she imagined loved ones surviving, maybe gaining that last little bit of strength they needed to get past her borders, to safety. It was ridiculousness of course. One jar of salve wouldn’t make the difference between life and death, but the hopeful images kept her going long after her energy had started to flag. Picking up a spoon she began the process of stirring gently as she sprinkled in just the right amount of embrium. Staring at her flame she watched it gutter briefly under and unexpected breeze. Another yawn, forced her eyes shut and she struggled to open them. Shaking her head, she promised herself she’d sleep extra tomorrow. A lie that allowed her to persist. “Aaand’ that’s enough of that,” Felassan, who knows when he’d entered, snatched the spoon from her hand and blew out the flame with a gust from his hand. “What?! Fel! I was-“ her outrage left her scrounging for words. “You were what?” He raised a single eyebrow, his violet eyes sparking with a challenge. “I was- The forces on the western bor-“ “That shipment is full, even if you got this batch done by tomorrow we have no way to get it there.” He hooked an arm through hers and began to gently lead her inside, “Go to bed. You help no one if you exhaust yourself.” She slipped her arm from his and danced out of his reach, re-lighting the brazier with a clumsy spark from her fingers “Just let me finish this one batch.” She turned her back to Fel, and let her eyes slip shut for just a moment.
An’da wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Solas had tired of trying to lure her to bed. She had finally finished her missive. A win, she thought. A victory! Now she was busy drafting her third attempt at a response when the candles suddenly blinked out in a gust of angry air. Leaving her blind for a moment in the comparative darkness. “Solas!” she cried her indignation across the room to him. “I did nothing, perhaps even the wind has tired of your stubbornness.” “Solas,” she sighed her exasperation at him, but it left her on a breath that turned itself into yet another yawn. Her eyes drifting shut, as she leaned forward to re-light the candles with a flick of her fingers. It took several tries, but she just managed to get them lit. They were only lit long enough to see his determined glare fixed on her from across the room before they guttered out again in a breeze that could not possibly have emanated from anywhere other than the elvhen man in her bed. “Solas, you’re being ridiculous,” she sighed. Her eyes drifting closed in the peaceful darkness.
“Yes, and then one batch becomes 12,” Felassan blew out her brazier again. “I know how you work isa’ma’lin. This flagellation must end. Just because you aren’t a help on the battle field does not mean you have to work yourself into uthenera. Work can wait. You need rest.” An’d with that he flicked her gently between the eyes with a sleeping spell that had her falling into his arms. “Wolf’s orders,” he whispered to her sleeping form cuddled up in his arms. “You’ll forgive me in the morning.
An’da felt herself being carried across the room, “To which of us does that statement most accurately apply, vhenan? Truly?” She felt the soft cool caress of the sheets as he deposited her, and the warm waft of air as the blanket was laid over her. “Work can wait, Vhenan. You need rest.” Moments later she felt his arms wrap around her and she relaxed back into him and let sleep come.
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baronessblixen · 1 year
Note
Hi ! The doodle art you reblogged with Mulder kissing Scully is so perfect ! Do you think you could write a fic about this ?
I'm not entirely sure but I think the art is THIS POST. It took a life of its own anyway. It's a fluffy post-ep for "Chimera".
Fictober Day 28 | Tagging @today-in-fic @xffictober2022 | Wc: 1,088
Yes, Honey
Mulder unlocks the door to Scully’s apartment, stepping inside with a huge smile. It falls away when he realizes that Scully isn’t standing there waiting for him. For some reason he expected her to be as excited to see him as he is to see her. Instead, there’s only quiet and no Scully. Maybe he should have called her first, reminding her that he had plans to come over once he was back in town.
“Honey, I’m home,” he says, taking off his coat. That must get a reaction out of her. The words sound wrong even to his own ears. He’s made the joke once before. But that was before they were a couple. It reminds him of the domesticity he briefly tasted in Vermont during the Adderly case. It clings to him like day’s old aftershave.
“Scully?” He asks, this time with worry in his voice. She wouldn’t have gone out, knowing he was coming over. Would she? He doesn’t even take off his shoes as he walks through her apartment. She’s not in the kitchen, the living room, or the bathroom. That leaves her bedroom. It’s only late afternoon – she can’t be asleep, can she? The door is ajar and Mulder pushes it open, a smile breaking out on his face.
There she is. She’s in her bed, sleeping diagonally with a book by her side to keep her company.
“Hey, sleepyhead,” Mulder whispers, touching her shoulder gently.
“Hmm, let me sleep,” she mumbles, only half-awake.
“You’re not at all happy to see me?”
“You left me alone on that stakeout,” she says, peeking at him with sleepy eyes. “I had to take two showers, Mulder. Two.”
“I’m sad I missed both of them.”
“It was cold and it was lonely,” she complains and Mulder can’t help but smile at her. She must have put her hair up in a bun after her shower, but a strand has rebelliously snuck out. He tucks it behind her ear, happiness flooding him.
When Ellen asked him about his significant other, he considered telling her about Scully. What difference would it have made? He does have someone. He has Scully. But what she is to him can’t be compromised into two little words or a simple definition.
“The showers were cold and lonely?”
“The stakeout, Mulder.” She crawls out from under the covers, stretching. She yawns and Mulder watches her, amazed that he gets to be here with her. There was no question where he was going to go after landing. And not just because he left his coat with her. Though that makes it the perfect excuse. If she’s going to throw him out, he can just pretend he came for his coat. The way she’s smiling at him, though, he thinks he’s going to get lucky tonight. In more ways than one.
“I missed you,” he admits. “On the case. Working without you is… it’s not the same.”
“Did anything happen?” She asks him.
“Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know,” she says, touching his face. “You look… different.”
“I leave you for a couple of days and you no longer recognize me.” She playfully rolls her eyes at him while her finger journeys over his face, following its contours. “It’s me, Scully.”
“I know it’s you,” she says. “I may have missed you too.” He loves this new version of Scully. It must have always been hidden underneath her suits and her fierceness. Every once in a while, he got glimpses of it. Now he gets the whole thing. A new side of Scully he can’t get enough of.
“Not as much as I missed you.”
“Didn’t know it was a contest,” she says, pinching his nose. He laughs at her and he can no longer just sit here with his hands by his side. He has to kiss her. So he leans forward and does precisely that. She’s as hungry for him as he is for her. She’s pulling him towards her by his sweater and just as he’s about to lie on top of her, she pushes him away.
“What?” He asks, confusion written all over his face. He wipes his mouth, staring at her.
“Why are you still wearing shoes?”
“How did you even notice that? I was worried when I didn’t see you and forgot to take them off,” he says, grumbling. Cockblocked by his own shoes. While he takes them off, Scully gets up from the bed and he groans in frustration. So much for their making-out session.
“I fell asleep,” she said. “Have you eaten? I haven’t eaten yet. How about pizza? What do you wanna eat?” She asks him, watching him with her hands on her hips. She’s wearing casual clothes, his favorite outfit on her. Unless she’s not wearing anything. That will always trump everything.
“You,” he says with a grin, reaching for her. She squeals as he pulls her to him. She crashes into his chest, and both of them laugh.
“I’d like something substantial first.”
“You are substantial to me,” he says, proving his point by holding her face, kissing her everywhere he can reach. Her forehead, her cheek, an ear. He wants all of her. She smells like her shampoo and tastes like herself. He can’t get enough of her. He’s been craving her ever since their first kiss.
He bites gently into her nose, making her giggle harder. The corner of her mouth and she stills in his arms. He can feel her smile against his own lips; taste it, too. He kisses it right off of her, making her moan into his mouth. What Ellen said to him rings through his mind as Scully tugs on his shirt, her hands searching for skin she can touch. This is what he wants. She is a refuge for him. Just as she hopes he’s the same for her. Whether they have the classic, standard run-of-the-mill marriage or not. It’s them.
“You’re thinking too much,” Scully says, teasing his lips with her tongue.
“That’s not something you accuse me of very often, Scully.”
“You owe me dinner, Mulder,” she says, continuing to chase his mouth.
“Anything you want,” he says. Yes, honey, is what he thinks.
“Right now,” she says, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “I want you.”
“What happened to substantial food?”
“Later,” she says, shutting him up with her mouth. “You whetted my appetite. And you owe me this, too.”
Yes, honey, he thinks again, gladly letting her have her way with him.
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exaltcd · 8 months
Text
“What is it? Do I have something on my face?”
The question jerks Imogen out of her stupor. She realizes she’s been staring at Laudna for at least a few seconds too long, and Laudna’s picked up on it. She watches her companion press her fingertips to her cheeks and temples, searching for something that doesn’t exist. Fuck. Imogen panics for a moment, rifling through her brain for an explanation. She lets out a nervous chuckle and shakes her head. “No, no— I mean... Yeah. But it’s nothin’... Just an eyelash. Here.”
An eyelash, Imogen? Really? Laudna doesn’t question her, though. She steps forward when Imogen calls, away from the tea she was preparing, and leans so Imogen can brush the imaginary eyelash away. Imogen’s gaze flits for just a millisecond to Laudna’s lips. She reaches out to get rid of the nonexistent eyelash and hesitates.
When Imogen first met Laudna she knew she was different, but she wasn’t sure how or why. Now, she knows.
Her heart races at their closeness. She briefly imagines taking Laudna’s face in her hands and kissing her. Maybe, she thinks, she wants to kiss me too. As if on cue, Laudna’s thoughts invade her mind.
We need to go to the marketplace soon. I’m running low on Imogen’s favorite tea. We need to make more money soon. Maybe I can sell some of my knick knacks. It won’t do to run out before we get to Jrusar. Or maybe I’ll—
Imogen severs the connection and quickly brushes her thumb against Laudna’s cheek. “There.” She steps away and pretends to rifle through their small pantry. “Y’know what? I’m gonna go to the market and get more tea. Wanna come?”
------
Imogen jerks awake at the sound of a short, sharp cry. When she comes to she realizes she made the sound. Next to her, Laudna stirs. Imogen quietly sits up and places one hand over her racing heart. The other goes to Laudna’s shoulder and she gently shakes it.
“Laudna?”
“Hm?” Laudna wakes to the sound of Imogen’s whisper, gently roused from a peaceful slumber. She glances around, bleary-eyed, and realizes it’s still pitch dark outside. Realizing why Imogen woke her, she comes to a little quicker and pushes herself up to sit next to her friend.
“Another nightmare?” She speaks quietly. Zhudanna’s hearing is a little sharper than most at her age and she doesn’t want to wake her. After all, she’s one of two people seemingly not completely repulsed by Laudna’s presence. The other is beside her. She slides out of bed and quietly goes to fetch a glass of water. She’s back in a flash, glass in hand, and she holds it out to Imogen. “Here.”
Imogen takes it and nods a small ‘thank you’ as she sips a little of it. The dream is the same as always, but Imogen isn’t sure she’ll ever get completely used to it. She sets the glass of water on their small bedside table and lets out a self-soothing sigh.
“I’m sorry to wake you.” That’s a lie. Laudna’s company in the wake of her nightmares is the only thing that brings her solace these days. Sometimes when she wakes she feels lost. Laudna’s like a beacon in the darkness, making sure she can find her way home. She imagines, occasionally, waking from a nightmare and Laudna holding her to soothe her back to sleep. Even though it’s a fantasy, it makes Imogen feel warm.
“Oh, nonsense!” Laudna immediately waves off Imogen’s apology. “I’ve already told you, darling... feel free to wake me anytime that nasty dream rears its head.”
Imogen lets out a shaky sigh and nods. A clammy hand comes to rest on hers and her heart skips a few beats. Laudna offers a small smile and Imogen returns it, holding her gaze. Maybe... Maybe.
The walls around her mind lower a little, and the melodic sound of Laudna’s thoughts flood inside.
Gods, I hope we have better luck with the Starpoint soon. I knew they were famous but I didn’t know they’d be a bunch of snobs. You’d think they would want to foster curious minds. I hate seeing her like this. I just want to fix it. We’ll have to schmooze with some of the upper crusts to see if we can find a connection or—
No. Not now. “You should get back to sleep. I’m feelin’ much better, but I think I’m gonna stay up for a little while.”
“Laudna gives her hand a quick squeeze and lets it go. “Are you sure?”
Imogen nods.
------
“You lied...”
There’s something wrong with this stone. Was. There was something wrong with the stone. It’s obvious because it’s all she can think about despite the fact that she and Laudna are alone on the bow of an airship. It’s nothing short of a dream. The view of the night sky is incredible. It’d be the perfect spot for a first kiss.
For once it isn’t the stream of Laudna’s thoughts that stops her from going for it. This time it’s her inability to think about anything more than the broken stone in Laudna’s hand. She feels heartsick over it.
“No! No! —I didn’t do anything, Imogen.”
Something deep inside of Imogen’s heart stirs at the sound of Laudna’s plea. The tiniest part of her wants to reach out and comfort the woman she loves so much, but she doesn’t. She stands there, tears gathering in her eyes, and wonders at the heartache of this specific betrayal. She wants to lash out, but she can’t bring herself to go that far.
“Have you felt a searing heat from it before?”
The question angers Imogen. Is she trying to make excuses? She brings her hand up and rans her hand across the back of her head in a desperate attempt to self-soothe. It does nothing to ease her mind. “No,” she answers.
“Imogen, I-I— I can fix it, I... I’ll-I’ll, I’ll fix it. We’ll fix it.”
Angry tears finally spill onto her freckled cheeks and she nods her agreement. All she wants to do is get away from Laudna—a sensation she hasn’t felt once since the first time they met.
“Yeah, we’ll fix it. We’ll fix it.” Laudna mentioned Delilah before. Imogen should stop and ask about that. She should try to figure out what happened. She shouldn’t blame Laudna because Laudna would never hurt her. At least Imogen thought she wouldn’t. Her nose crinkles in equal parts pain and disgust. “I’m gonna go to bed, Laudna.”
A few moments pass that seem to stretch out for an eternity. She fights the urge to walk away, wrestles with the look of despair on her best friend’s face. She did that. Imogen. Guilt breaks through and keeps her locked in place. She feels like maybe if Laudna asks her to stay, she might. But she doesn’t.
“...Alright.”
Imogen feels the storm roiling in her chest, whipping and howling like it does in her nightmares. She expels a shaky breath and turns to leave without another word.
------
"What do I tell her?!” Laudna tugs at her hair, in a panic about Dusk asking her out. The ruby set in Laudna’s ring catches Imogen’s eye and she smiles, pleased that she put it on so soon after receiving it.
There’s so much Imogen wants to say. Tell them you’re spoken for. No. I already told them we weren’t a thing. Tell them you’re not interested. Unless you are... Her brow furrows. “What do you wanna tell her?”
“I don’t know,” comes Laudna’s immediate reply.
Imogen holds her breath at even the slightest possibility that Laudna might say that she wants to say yes, to give it a try with Dusk. She’ll support her no matter what, but the thought of her being with someone else stings. She wrings her hands while she waits for a real answer.
A scene plays out in Imogen’s head. “I want to tell her that I can’t be with her because I’m in love with someone else,” followed by Laudna confessing she has feelings for Imogen. That’s one of the dreams she has on nights when the storm leaves her alone.
“I’ve just been so... um... really just, just wanting to make sure that we were okay. And— And just, you know...” Laudna nervously plays with her hair. “I don’t think— I haven’t accessed that part of my brain in like fifty years. So...”
“It would be strange, I know... to access that.” The message isn’t completely devastating, but it does give Imogen pause. So many times she’s wondered if Laudna feels the same way for her as she does for Laudna. The answer is right in front of her. Laudna hasn’t accessed that part of herself since she woke up. Maybe not even for a long time before that. It’s confirmation in the worst way, but not necessarily hopeless. She knows Laudna hasn’t had an easy second shot at life. People are mostly unkind. Selfishly, Imogen feels lucky that no one took the time to get to know her before Imogen came along. Whoever the imagined stranger is would’ve fallen in love with her too.
As the conversation continues, Imogen eyes the ring again. It fits Laudna’s finger like it was custom made.
There’s no question this time whether or not a kiss is appropriate. Imogen knows it isn’t, but that doesn’t stop her from wanting it. One day... if she’s lucky.
------
This feels like a dream, but not at all like the nightmares she’s grown used to. Laudna is back. Finally, Imogen no longer needs to numb herself just to get through a single day. Her love came back to her and Imogen can breathe again.
Imogen can hardly keep her hands off of Laudna. She needs to make contact, to connect and make sure that she’s not dreaming. This is real, she tells herself. She’s here. She’s back.
“It doesn’t seem real,” Imogen hears, and worries for a moment she projected her thoughts to Laudna, but when she focuses, she notices Laudna’s attention is on the Sun Tree. Of course it is. Imogen forces herself to be present. Laudna needs her now more than ever. She gently shakes her head, agreeing with her friend. Laudna takes the small encouragement and continues.
“Like I’m...” Laudna trails off, and Imogen patiently waits, “still in a dream, but this one’s just not a nightmare.” Both their gazes wander to the Sun Tree, but Imogen’s soon wanders back to Laudna. A tiny smile tugs at her lips. “This gets to be real now,” she answers, a similar mantra to the one she’s been repeating since Laudna woke up.
Laudna looks hesitant, and Imogen’s smile falters. “Are you sure?” Laudna asks, her voice shaky as she turns back toward Imogen and makes eye contact.
Imogen feels surer right now than she ever has. This is real, and she wants to show Laudna just how real it is. Words seem inadequate. She steals a quick glance towards Laudna’s lips and nods.
“This isn’t one of her tricks?”
Imogen leans toward Laudna, lips parting slightly, but she stops in her tracks. What are you doin’? She asks herself. This isn’t the time. She’s upset. Her gaze travels down to Laudna’s hands, anxiously wringing as she looks to Imogen for answers. Not now. Another time, maybe. She nods. “I’m sure,” she whispers with, she hopes, enough conviction to erase any traces of doubt in Laudna’s mind.
This seems to do the trick as Laudna visibly loses some of her tension and cracks a small smile. “You promise?” She asks. Her smile is infectious, and Imogen mirrors her expression. “Cross my heart.”
Their locked pinkies seal the promise—heart crossed, and given gladly.
------
Imogen is done waiting. If she waits any longer it feels like the lightning marks along her body will ignite and she’ll go up in flames. The scene plays out in her head: She sees Laudna. They run, embrace, and Imogen kisses her.
What happens instead is... complicated. They’re all still with the new friends they made. Laudna feels threatened by F.R.I.D.A., and she reveals that their time in Issylra was traumatizing. She’s jealous, in fact, that the rest of them seemed to have a much easier time. It all escalates so quickly, and Imogen feels Laudna slipping away from her. What’s worse? Without a window into Laudna’s mind, Imogen doesn’t know what to say to fix it. She allows space for Laudna to vent her frustrations and tries hard not to take anything she says personally. This isn’t the way she pictured it. Not even close.
The smell of freshly baked bread fills the air in the market. They’re on a shopping trip for Zhudanna, just the two of them, and it almost feels like it used to when they first rolled into town. Imogen lifts her fingertips to the circlet on her head. Then again, it feels nothing like before. She can talk to Laudna without the thoughts of everyone around her invading her mind. She can carry a conversation with Laudna without accidentally hearing Laudna’s thoughts. There’s no wall of words to block her advances. She can’t make assumptions about what Laudna wants because she doesn’t know. It’s weird, but mostly it’s exhilarating.
“That’s wonderful,” Laudna says when Imogen establishes that the circlet makes crowds much easier. “You don’t have to listen in to get my thoughts.”
The statement is so simple, but it feels revelatory. Laudna’s right. “Yeah,” she answers as she mulls it over.
“I’ll always share them willingly. You can just ask.”
She can just ask. Of course. Her gaze falls to the ground below her feet for a moment before rising to meet Laudna’s again. Gods, she’ll never get tired of looking at her. She bites down on her lip. Just ask. What have you got to lose? Ask. Ask!
“Can I kiss you?”
Silence. Not a single stray thought. It stretches out into an eternity, into endless anticipation.
“I can’t tell if it’s alright or not anymore.” She can’t hear the endless string of thoughts that always kept her at bay. This time she’s yanking hard on her tether, testing to see if it’ll snap.
The silence shrinks back into a reasonable couple of moments. “Alright,” Laudna answers, shattering the quiet between them.
“Alright.”
She’s pictured this one thousand times and it’s never taken place at the market. It’s always secluded and romantic. It always makes Imogen feel like she’s flying. But this is better than anything she’s ever dreamed up in her head. It’s better than she imagined. As their lips part, she feels like she might cry.
They still need to talk, but even if it never happens again, Imogen knows what it feels like to kiss her. Her feelings are out in the open and she feels infinitely lighter than before. Whether Laudna feels the same way or not, Imogen feels content. She’ll carry this moment with her for the rest of her life.
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What's your advice on not being so sleepy and low energy constantly?
I guess I'll give it a shot.
1. I take my temperature and feel every hour to make sure the number isn't low. I've had it over 36.5 degrees Celsius (96.6 F) for months, and when I was younger it would regularly go over 39 for a while. It's possible that this was always a symptom, but I just didn't notice. (I am going to start noticing it again now.)
2. If I get low, I take vitamin D (at least 1000 IU). It's not totally clear how it works but it probably works somehow.
3. Sometimes I will take melatonin 2-3 hours before I get tired. It works well at 2 or 3 hours, but not well at 1. (For a long time it took a while for me to realize that, I thought that melatonin actually worked really late, or something like that, and was just taking it every night because I liked the effects. It only took me until I was 28 to realize it was taking effect 2-3 hours earlier, as I was getting sleepy before then.)
4. When I'm exhausted and going to bed, sometimes I do a "pacing walk" of a particular length, and then I have to lie in bed for a time of length equal to that (not that this helps that much). You have to pay attention to these things really carefully, because once you've done it enough you'll get into a pattern where you do it more and more even if you don't want to. If that happens, it takes a lot of effort to break it, but it's very helpful to break it.
5. If I get exhausted in a way that makes me really sad or depressed and I don't want to sleep because there might be something I'll be missing if I stay awake, I try to look at a book. Usually the depression and sadness go away, at least briefly. I have had this happen to me even if I was very very tired, so I would not put it under any kind of stress that might make it worse. Also, I think the process of reading itself is kind of relaxing. If that helps, I usually find I can fall asleep easily.
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