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hyqcinths · 2 years

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Simon Lived (But lost an arm)

It is months later. Or, months, as best as either of them can guess. Simon tried for ages to map the passage of time on the train. The waste outside is in perpetual dusk, and one of them could only sit out for so long before a Ghom would catch their scent. Some cars are in a two part cycle, like the campfire car. It only emulated dawn and dusk to make the false night feel longer, more meaningful. Cars like the jungle car and the corgi kingdom had days, but neither matched up with the other. The cars told a story, taught a lesson. They were meant to be learned from, appreciated. Sometimes, feared. It is months later. Weeks, before Simon learns this. He balances comets in his hand, pets the head of a deer in a car meant to emulate the zodiac. He sees Grace silhouetted in the death and birth of a star. He finds beauty on the train through her, months later. They find themselves on the jungle car again, salamanders tooting in the trees. Grace says it's too peaceful. Simon agrees.

They make a nest in a tree, Simon remembers even from the glance he got how Tuba balanced leaves and sticks in between the branches, nestling them under a blue canopy that hummed slightly when the wind blew. It's the deepest part of this car's night, stars shimmer above them. Simon tries to find constellations, and he notices a number flicker, spin.

"It's lower. What were you thinking about?"

Graces nudges at him.

"Zodiac car."

He doesn't feel the need to lie, to be on the defensive all the time.

"I didn't think I'd ever get it this low again."

Simon's number has now shortened to his shoulder, about where it was the first time he came to this car. Somehow the train knew to place his ticket on his other hand when the right was gone. It knew to do amazing, wonderful things. Horrible things. Grace's number is now only on her palm. A mere 47. "I don't know if I'll ever get it as low as yours though." "Shut up!" Grace tugs on his hair, hard, so hard that it makes him face her.

Simon yelps, hand flying to where Grace still has a hold. "What was that for!?" "For being stupid." Grace is smirking, looking smug. And for her that's not an unfamiliar look. "We're gonna get your number to zero, I promise." She smiles gently at him, twirling a blond strand around her finger. Simon flushes, letting Grace do what she wants. "And then what?" "huh?" She looks at Simon again, pausing. Simon grimaces, and this has been something he's been thinking about--dreading, since when Grace first decided to take Simon out of the mall car. Decided to lower their numbers without the Apex. "Your number is gonna hit zero before mine. There won't be a we. You'll be gone and I don't know if I can do this alone, I-" "Simon." Grace has her hands on his shoulders, brow furrowed. "I'm not leaving." There's a beat of silence. Only the occasional toot from a neighboring tree. Grace bites her lip, thinking. "I...I don't. want. to leave. The kids...everything about this train. I've been here too long. Even if I could leave, I don't think I'd fit out there." There's silence again, now Simon thinks. "...and when I hit zero?" Grace's eyes widen. She hasn't thought about that, hasn't thought that far ahead. "I guess...you'll go?" She sounds uncertain, a little afraid. "Wrong answer." Simon rests his remaining hand on Grace's, making her look at him. "I'm staying on the train." "With you." She's quiet for too long, longer than Simon has ever seen her. He continues. "I don't want to leave either. Not if you don't." It's probably the bravest thing he's ever said, ever done. It's not strategic, or selfish, or anything Simon is used to. "...You'd stay with me?" Grace's voice sounds so quiet, so unlike her. So soft. Simon doesn't have to answer, he only smiles, just a little.

Soft. Her lips are soft, is the first thing he notices. In Esmoroth Grace had tasted like fire and perfume. But here she only tastes like herself. His hand finds her waist. He kisses her back like he's starving. Like it's an illusion of the train, that it'll go away when it's over. Her fingers tangle in his hair, and it is everything he'd ever imagined. When it's over, they rest their foreheads together. Simon thinks to her question, before he knew how she tasted. "For infinity."

#grimon #infinity train #simon laurent #grace monroe #an old fic i wrote like months ago #ghom melted simons arm off and he lost an eye and has burn scars #the last line is cheesy i know #anyway theyre traumatized but they have each other

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sepialunaris · 3 years

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Theorizing Amelia and One's backstory based on implicit storytelling

Hmmm infinity train possibly not getting a continuation got me thinking more about Amelia and One-One's implicit story throughout the books. Since the train in Book 4 still works on One's "in a literal sense [the passengers] are numbers to him" and "if they dont sort their problems they'll die here" ideal and not post-Tulip "every passenger's wellbeing and progress is important," the state of the train prior to Ryan and Min is a big mystery, and what specifically happens after to Amelia and One One is another mystery.

I saw @suppuration 's post (which unfortunately can't link since, mobile) about how Book 1 of Infinity Train is about One One experiencing and learning to act as a denizen for Tulip, and while he was mindwiped it must have a big impact to how he does his role as the conductor now and before, when he was just one entity.

Long analysis ahead

One = Simon

Book 4 One reminds me of... Simon. Simon "but you are not a person" Laurent. One is colder and more aloof towards passengers, and seeing them as just "numbers," which is similar to Simon's views at nulls and lack of respect of agency. While he got amnesia and his experience with Tulip made One-One realize his inactiveness has also hindered the purpose of the train as well as a sense of guilt on things that were not his fault (Amelia's cars in the train), he does strive to change, but Amelia still remembers and internalizes what she knows One was in the past, hence she still refers to his old name and had to read his instruction card to remind herself of his new ideals.

Moreover, Book 4 shows Stewards being in charge in train maintenance in the past. Reddit AMA said that in the present the Stewards are almost all destroyed in the coup besides the one Amelia outfitted with weaponry and One One used as transport in Book 2. Book 3 saw One One using humans like Amelia for maintenance, which shows that he is more willing to give agency to the passengers rather than lock them up in place while the Stewards do their jobs. So unlike Simon, there is growth.

Amelia = Hazel, but not really

One conforming to rigid power structure and not really considering anyone's agency like Simon and Pre-Hazel Grace makes Amelia seem like Hazel in this metaphor, which is appropriate that she is her 'clone' or imaginary child. And like Amelia entered One's and life resulting in his mysterious split, Hazel entered Simon and Grace's lives to split them (even if One One dont go separate ways like them, and stayed together) after she experience a personal loss that they caused or 'denied to unreverse' (in Amelia's case). Hazel made them both the chance to question, rethink, and restart their ideals but Simon didn't take it, while Amelia at first tried to give constructive feedback to One before executing the coup and also fell into One's problem of not recognizing others' agencies by 1) throwing away One One and possibly removing his memory 2) forcibly taking away the support system for the passengers to navigate their problems like Ryan and Min-Gi thinking its giving them agency to "individuate" and be on their own, when in the case of Ryan and Min it just reiterated their trauma.

Also her contradictory way of thinking is why in the end Amelia's belief of the other passenger's agency ends up being fallible and destroyed as she becomes more violating and just altogether doesn't want passengers to leave their cars. And I'm highkey convinced that the reason the Ghoms exist (but not in Book 4) is that she created them to prevent people from moving around freely, as there is no therapeutic reason for them to exist (that said the hand monster exists, but it is only in 1 car while Ghoms are numerous and everywhere in the wasteland, so this monster may explain One's aloofness to their wellbeing even further). She does have Ghom orb and used it in Atticus, so its really reasonable to think so. Plus it would be a logical thing that would add up to her numbers a lot and make Samantha the Cat dread her, yet still not make her numbers reach the top like Simon after directly trying to murder his friend.

Amelia's Loss

Though we're not sure because of how little screentime we have of them in Book 4, I do think Ryan and Min-Gi's attempt of staying together is a big foil too for Amelia's experience of abandonment, loss, yearning for the past, and loneliness. Therefore the Steward's first appearance was to reonnect the boys to their past by giving back their stuff, despite Amelia saying that she did that to "individuate" them (this may be directed for all the passengers but in this book's context it is about Min and Ryan's commitment to each other), and the second appearance Amelia specifically says "[they] are on their own." By the lens of Ryan and Min, Amelia is portrayed as a force that desires to separate them, not in a malicious nor personal manner, but maybe a projection of her own trauma of codependency with Alrick and not wanting the same to befall to Ryan and Min (it may also be jealousy but she hasn't shown any displeasure of that sort so it seems more like bad faith analysis) and the pther passengers. And in the end she releases everyone in the train from their 'dependency' by decomissioning the Stewards. Her actions, especially the former does have understandable motives and she isn't intending to harm anyone, but it happens anyway because in the end she disrespects their agency and pulled the whole train from under the rug.

Amelia = Lake & others

And the story of agency is central in Book 2, and how Lake fights for their recognition as a person and getting off from the train, to the point they have to confront One-One about it. It was the first time One One's imperfection is shown and how even now his standards for denizens has gotten better but not the best. Though he does end up respecting their agency and puts thought to it too. And a minor detail is that he mentions Atticus too in Book 2, meaning that he remembers him personally due to his experience as a denizen instead of just an instrument like in Book 4 (eg: Denizens like Kez being frozen kept of the blue during Steward visits), and he appreciates Alan Dracula too. So he did grow, even if its not perfect and his cold tendency and lesser view on denizens is still there. Yet One and Amelia's ideals of hierarchal superiority and the concept that denizens are worth nothing bleeds down to the Apex, who follows Amelia's footsteps after she has decided to refuse her former ideal to "individuate" passengers (as she has already used her outfit when finding Grace and if we think Amelia made the Ghoms then yeah it tracks), as well as Grace and Simon's own coping mechanisms of dealing with traumatic abandonment and loneliness being parallels to Amelia, through manipulating others and intruding on people's agencies respectively.

However, what I find interesting is that, like Lake, Amelia also got to the engine room and got to ask for favors from him. While the context is not clear as well as her lack of companions, if we parallel it to Lake's story and also considering Amelia's fallible interest to humanize the passengers to One, something similar might've happened.

Her story parallels with Ryan too, that wants to subvert expectations within his life even recklessly so at times that ends up hurting people (just like how she took over the train and hurt One and the other passengers), yet he deals with life better even after abandonment by Min. She also parallels heavily with Morgan, who was dependent on Jeremy and tried to isolate herself from her friend, Kez. And the big thing that Amelia lacks in this scenario, unlike Lake and Ryan, is that as said before, the distinct lack of companions she has. No one like Jesse or Min-Gi to ground and provide her company besides her desire for Alrick to come back, and doesn't show interest in forging new relationships and instead focused on her own stuff, just like Morgan grieved when Jeremy was gone. Amelia was both isolated and isolated herself further when she couped the train, and in the end like Morgan she turns from a caring person to someone that revokes agency. Though Morgan, in the end does decide to grieve herself and opens a window for her to reconnect with Kez, unlike Amelia who lost that opportunity and fell further to the dark due to cruel circumstance and her own actions.

And as for the reason why One One was split is mysterious and currently unexplained, Idk if this is an appropriate idea to connect to, but I feel like there's a possibility that he could've split himself or gave himself amnesia, as a way for him to deal with self isolation and or trauma from betrayal. Maybe he was even inspired by seeing Ryan and Min's commitment to each other? But again it is farfetched to judge as something tracks as of now.

Soo... tl;dr what i think happened.

During this era One only interacts with the passengers by maintaining the trains through the Stewards, without consideration of their well being or agency, hence the hand monster/Docent exists

Amelia enters the train and fights her way into the engine room to meet One, possibly asking her stuff back too

One decides to receive input from Amelia, who intends to humanize the passengers to him by giving them back their stuff, while akso taking interest to cultivate independence on the other passengers to avoid codependency like her

Amelia falls back to her dependency and asks One to bring Alrick back, he refuses, and she hijacks the train

As a way to give them freedom, Amelia releases all the passengers the rules the train binds them to and destroys all the Stewards that acted as maintenance before

One is sent to the snow car for 33 years. He is either split or mindwiped by Amelia or he performs this action himself

Amelia's idealism wavers over time and she gets obsessed in find orbs to create Alrick. Becomes more militaristic and creates her Conductor persona, outfitted the last Steward with guns, and created the Ghoms with her cannon

In order to make sure no passengers try any funny stuff and let her focus on her quest, she uses the Ghoms to make sure they are within order, and prefers passengers to no longer leave their cars. She ultimately has no control over that though therefore she can only minimize the problem

Book 1 happens, Amelia is ousted and decides to work under One One as a human steward and to fix her mistakes to repent

Feel free to add on or critique things because I might've missed/misintrepreted a lot

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