#or he could just not date anyone and live his best single life yknow
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Little Butterfly I (Sugar Daddy Mob Boss!Spencer Reid x Reader AU)
Warnings: Part 1 of an ongoing series (that i hopefully won’t abandon), Upcoming heavy violence, Mafia and Crime related fic, Spencer is a soft dom but is dangerous, HEAVY SMUT, upcoming dark kinks (Gun,Knife,Bondage etc), daddy kink for sure, Manipulation kink, Degradation, Humiliation (yknow the drill with me) spoiling kink?, upcoming murders etc, heavy topic regarding mental illness, College legal age!Reader, Age gap, older!Spencer, Mean!Spencer, BDSM themed, Indication of Subspace, Just heavily dark smutty series (yet again lmao)
Hello, my wonderful readers, i want to thank you all for the patience you all have for this series, hopefully i can stick to schedule an update this once a week like Thrilled. This will be a new territory for me since all i know about mafia and such are from the movies and countless books my father has inherited me with, so i deeply apologize if there’re some mistakes, this is an AU that means its only a story and fantasy. If you are uncomfortable to violence and sex then PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS. Thank you, and Happy Reading.
This series will set around the 80′s New York.
MASTERLIST HERE
There is no hiding from the absolute luxury you indulge in, in fact you love showing it to whoever might want to pry deep enough into your life. You caused no harm by it, and it certainly isn’t anybody’s business but yours and his.
The pair of arms around your waist is a certain remainder of who you belong to, and you loved it. He looked good tonight, almost too good with the suit adorning his perfection like an absolute genius adonis— your genius adonis. You feel your cheeks heats up slightly as he glanced at you, knowing just how shy you get around so many people— his little girl is sensitive after all.
Spencer Reid knows every little thing about you, what makes you tick, what makes you snap, what makes you bow in submission to him, and what makes you feel heavenly. He knows it all, he knows the way you trembled slightly whenever he wrapped his arms around your neck as he leaned down to kiss you, or how squirmy you get whenever he tug your hair, said your name calmly whilst shoving his fingers into your mouth— he knows everything.
—
It was a mutual agreement at first, living on 80’s New York has never been so stressful during your 20’s, all the student loans, the bartending you do sometimes, even the couple of scandalous photoshoots you sacrificed yourself doing to keep your bank account afloat. Your family never really cared much, and the only person that you truly have is Emily, your roommate.The whole ordeal was strange when you found out Emily’s ties to the mafia, being the daughter of one of the strongest mafia’s capo on America during that time. You wondered how on earth she has managed to doesn’t want to get on her father’s good side, and just except the riches that comes along with being a mob, but then again you were a stranger to it too...or so you thought.
The night she asked you to accompany her to meet her father and his boss, you shrugged and said yes, having nothing to do in the apartment other than wallowing in your own debts and sadness— you immediately agrees which put a smile on her cute face.
“I thought you didn’t want nothing to do with your father.” You asked as you raked through the closet to find something... ‘elegant’ but not too much, it’s going to be in a lavish restaurant after all. Your eyes darted to Emily’s who has been staring at her phone, smiling to whoever is texting her— you could only assumed it was one of her secret girlfriend-hookup for the week.
“Well i didn’t but money is tight, fucking inflation.” She looked up for once, lips hanging open at the sight of you standing there in a black dress, short with a slit on the thigh area— looking absolutely ravenous. “Holy fucking shit.” Emily whispered.
“What? is this enough? god i feel like such a prude.” You bit your lip as you await her comments, “You look fucking gorgeous you idiot, i mean are you sure you aren’t gay by any chance?” She laughed, which caused you to giggle, “I never said i’m not gay.. just that i’m not—
“Interested in dating, yeah yeah but we can at least fuck or something.” She jokingly raised her eyebrows as you throw your bra her way and laughed, “I just don’t want to get distracted em, especially that we live together.” You pouted before giving her a kiss on the cheek, which made her roll her eyes and smile.
Only if you knew what this meeting will entails.
—
The wine tasted exquisite on your tongue, the sweet burn of merlot was pleasant on the base of your throat which shocked you at first— maybe you should stop buying cheap wines, because the real ones are heavenly. You looked around nervously, it has been a long time since you’ve gone out to have dinner, let alone one as expensive as this.
“Stop looking like you’re about to die.” Emily whispers as she took the seat next to you, which you humorously giggle and swat her shoulder, “I’m not. It’s just.. new to me is all.” You nervously chuckled, before sipping on your wine some more. It was clear that her dad and his so called mob boss were late— which you rolled your eyes since Emily was basically rushing your make up, you just hoped that you looked decent enough, not that you want to impress anyone, its just good to feel like you’ve fit yourself to the occasion.
“Oh, you’ll get used to it.” Emily chuckled, before you could even process what she meant by that the sound of a soft elderly timbre rang through your ears, “Cara mia! Jesus, you’ve grown!” Emily slapped your thigh softly, gesturing for you to stand up.
Dear heaven, lord save your knees from buckling.
You watched as Emily greeted her father as you stood by her side, she kisses him on both cheeks as they made a small conversation that you pay no mind to since you were distracted, distracted by the pair of eyes that caught yours from the moment he walked in.
A soft yet stern eyes that held yours captive at this very moment, a presence that demands every single person for its attention, and intimidating like no other. A man, a finely sculpted man, standing in front of you in an attire that you were sure was more expensive than your whole closet, His soft looking curls marvelously falls fo his side, his plump lips were begging to be kissed— to be listened, to be heard, his tall lean figure towers over you which has you gulping down nervously— so much so that you failed to acknowledged the presence of Emily’s father calling your name.
“Y/N!” You let out a gasp before turning to shake Emily’s father’s hand, trying your best to smile as you glanced over the towering man, “So this is the Y/N i’ve heard so much about huh?” The old man snickered, looking gentle whilst maintaining a facade still. You giggled softly, “I hope there are all good things, nice to meet you Mr.Prentiss.”
“Oh please, Robert is fine. Oh Emily, Y/N this is don Reid.” He stepped back in.. what looks like an utter fear, you gasped as you realized that this is.. the mob boss Emily talked about, the masochistically handsome man you’ve been staring at— you thought a mafia boss would be someone older, but this is certainly not the case.
“Pleased to meet you both, Spencer Reid.” He extended his hand which Emily gladly took before she nudges your side whilst you were still gawking at the man, the soft yet deep timbre of his voice soothes and intimidate you at the same time, not to mention how he carries himself— practically saying he’s a god.
“Oh— um yes hello, pleased to meet you, i’m Y/N.” You bit your lip as you feel your cheeks hurt from the embarrassment, shaking his hand quickly— before you could even imagine pulling away, he gives you an amused chuckle and squeeze your hand tightly before releasing you.
“Well, let’s take a seat shall we?”
You are so fucking fucked.
--
“So, Y/N, Emily told me you’re majoring in art department, how’re you liking it?” Robert spoke as you eat your pasta slowly, trying not to show how you were trembling under the very same gaze that held you captive from the moment it arrives here. You gulped down a delicious bite of pancetta, before answering, “Oh i love it, always been my passion— well painting is, but i do love everything about art and literature.” You chuckled.
“I would love to see your art sometimes.” The voice could strangle you and you’d die happily, it really could— you glanced at the man whose been looking at you like a wolf to its prey, fingers skimming over the feet of the wine glass as a soft yet eloquent smile strikes over his face.
“Oh um, it’s not— it’s not that good, i wouldn’t want to waste your time.” You choked on your wine, feeling the burn on your throat as he let out a humorous-less laugh, shaking his head, before bringing his lean fingers to his lips. “Nothing is wasteful, not if it comes to such art like you.”
What?
“Huh?” You felt small, your cheeks heated at the reference as you tried so hard not to squirm and praised yourself by hearing what you thought you heard. Your eyes darted to his in a shy manner as he kept his composure well, licking the rim of his glass before sipping his wine gently.
“Anyways! dad, shall we talk a bit more private? i’m sure Y/N can keep the don company.” You gasped at Emily’s words, still barely grasping the previous encounter— the bottom of your heel jab at her left foot, as you glared at her, “Of course of course, don?” Robert spoke up, eyes lowering as his body turned to look at the smirking masterpiece that still stares at you with the same intensity.
“Go. We’ll be fine, won’t we angel?” You gulped down as much wine as you could without burning your throat before smiling nervously, eyes glancing back and forth to The Don and Emily.
“Y-Yes um sure.” You offered a gentle smile, even though your heels jabbed Emily’s which yet again resulted in her tiny laugh before she walks away to the back area of the restaurant.
The area was thick with intensity and glamorous lights, adding to the headache that already starts due to you being a lightweight around alcohol. Suddenly you realized, that you’re practically alone— with the don of the biggest mafia ring in America. “Go ahead and ask me the question.” He murmured sternly, causing your ears to perk at the sudden thrill that made your goosebumps rose and thrived under the shimmering lights.
“Pardon?” Your fingers fiddled with the hem of your dress as you tried so hard not to stare at the huge man, feeling as if you’re being cornered by a lion, and you his prey.
“Your cheeks are warm aren’t they? you keep biting your lips every time i muttered a word, you can’t even look at me because you know that the second you do, you wouldn’t be able to stop. Emily is right, you’re a pure little thing, its fucking cute really. If this table weren’t here separating us, you’d be across my lap already— for wearing something so slutty like that.” By the time he finishes taunting you, you stopped breathing, thigh squeezing against each other so tightly that you could feel how damp your panties are getting.
“Go ahead and ask, doll. Surely you can’t be dumb enough to think i would just allow anyone to meet me let alone a little college student like you.” His eyebrow lifted, as you nervous squirmed on your seat and breathed out.
“Why did you asked her to bring me?”
“Nicely. You know better, Y/N.”
“Sir...”
—
And the rest was history, the pair of arms around your waist tighten as the owner’s lips caress and nip at the very sensitive part of your neck, causing you to shudder and mewls. “mmh.. t-too early.” You complained, fully knowing that would only amuse him even more.
He chuckled as you had predicted, nimble fingers grazing up and down your front like feathers, delicately worshipping every inch of your skin. The blaring sound of New York’s traffic was prominent, but somehow that adds a thrilling aspect for you, months ago— you were picking up morning shifts by now, working your ass off just to gain enough cash to pay this month’s rent. But now, here you are, in the arms of the most feared yet young powerful don in the entirety of the mob community, Heck if everyone knows who he is and how much power he holds— they’d all fear him, but not you, not his fiery little butterfly.
“Shh, let me love on you a little.” Your heart warmed, familiar feeling of a thousand butterflies swarming on your belly caused your cheeks to warmed at the gesture. He said things like those often, though he made it perfectly clear that you were, you are only here for business arrangements, you knew he likes to toy over affection like this— one you aren’t supposed to get attached to. But how couldn’t you? when his hand so softly glides down the curve of your godly features, warm breath fanning across your skin from behind, whispering sweet words.
“Look so pretty for me, butterfly.” He whispered, causing you to yet again whimpers, hand clutching the sheets tightly as he moves down down down until he turned you over and settle between your legs, smiling at you. “If heaven is real, you’re definitely it.” He nipped and bit the exposed skin of your thighs, last night and the night before and before still there but like he said,
“If you agree to the terms, i’ll give you every damn thing you fucking want. Your bills, rents, loans, plus each and every single thing you wished to buy.”
“And in retur—“
“In return, you will be mine, mine to have whenever wherever i want, you won’t be my chained slave or nothing, but you’ll be mine.”
So marked you again and again he did, tearing your satin panties he did, panties that cost more than a week worth of luxury meal that he only grunted with “I’ll buy the whole fucking store, now shut up and let daddy eat his breakfast.”
You swore you’re in god’s heaven then and there, even if you aren’t sure that you believe in one, you can’t help but to think that this is some kind of miracle, your life is, here you have a perfect adonis, suckling on your clit as his fingers pump your delectable cunt in and out with such a fast pace that made you feel all floaty and flustered. The same man that commands the room whenever he walks in, the same man who pay all your bills, the same man who bought you a new lavish apartment and hands you gifts every damn day.
“Oh! oh please daddy right there..” You moaned out loud as your fingers latched onto his hair, softly tug on them as he moaned against your drippy cunt and suck your clit even harder,earning a particularly loud and lewd moan from you. “mmh! a-ah! i’m gonna—“ He held his finger up then, eyes finding yours as his mouth continues to work on your now sensitive clit. Spencer wasn’t too strict or nothing about your rules but if there’s two that he’s strict about is for you to cum only if he gives you permission— no matter the place or time, if he wants you to cum, you’ll cum— not that it’s hard, with someone as skilled as him.
When you begged and begged, he slapped your thigh only to grunt darkly, “If you can’t shut up and let daddy enjoys this, i’ll fucking take you on the balcony and fuck you for all Manhattan to see. Do you want that, Butterfly? want everyone to see what a filthy college girl you are getting fucked by someone as dangerous as me?” He slapped your cunt then, over and over again as you pant, and mewls.. Body jolts and pulsed at his ministration.
“You’re going to cum like this—“ He paused to spit directly onto your swollen clit, watching it wet the sensitive nub, “Going to cum with daddy slapping your greedy little cunt. Or you are not getting an orgasm.”
“Yes, daddy— oh!” True to his words, he spank you, over and over again, leaving you quivering and brokenly cried at the burning pleasure, “Cum princess, come on, you surely know how to thank daddy don’t you?” Your hole clenched around nothing as you arch your back and sobbed,
“Can’t— daddy please i-“
“You were so fucking desperate to cum, why not now huh? your sensitive cunt surely looks wrecked enough.” He scoffed before he spank your clit so hard you jumped at the sensation before he licked his fingers and caress your clit in fast fanning motion, not giving you enough time to even breathe as your cunt pulses and throb with overwhelming need of release, building up up up, up until you finally trembled and cum all over the bed— an orgasm so intense that you blacked out for few seconds straight.
“Shh.. shh good girl, that’s it— fuck you look so ethereal like this, butterfly.” He muses as he settle his head on your lap and admire your pulsing body, “T-Thank- y-you.. daddy.” You gathered all the strength you have left as he smiled proudly.
Your head laid on his chest as you both cuddle in silence, trying to enjoy the serenity and calm environment around you as the city below you buzzed all round. It was calming for awhile before his phone rang and you involuntarily sighs, “I know pretty girl, i know.” He muttered, before smiling apologetically- Not that he needs to.. Business arrangements, not like you’re his girlfriend or nothing.
love on you,
love on you,
let me love on you,
You forced your fuzzy subby mind to get the thoughts out, as you watched his figure put on his robe, and leaned down, “I’ll be back later okay, don’t forget to check your phone.” He kissed your forehead for a bit, letting it linger as you held back your tears, wishing he could stay with you, you need your daddy, you really really do need him now. Feeling all small and fuzzy like this. But with the blaring noise of his ringtone, you knew the don has business to take care of and of course you’re not important enough to held such important task to be left.
So you smiled all nicely and kissed all the rings finger on his fingers before bidding a tiny whimper of, “Best of luck, don.” Your head bowed a little in respect as he noticed the true and true sadness flashed across your eyes, but paid it no mind as his other burner phone blared.
“Thank you, Butterfly. Get dressed soon, and i’ll have Morgan bringing you that sandwich from the deli you love so much. I’ll see you soon.”
Oh how nice would it be if this is your life, but life doesn’t always have a happy ending after all.
——
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#spencer reid smut#littlebutterfly#mob!spencer#daddy!spencer#matthew gray gubler smut#mgg smut#insufferableblurb
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Name (Todoroki x Reader)
Pairing: Todoroki x fem!Reader
Anon asked: “suggestion for Todoroki angst : he got in an arranged marriage with S/O because of his dad who offered a large amount of money to her family for this. Indeed it’s not what they are both looking for but Todoroki really acts cold, is sharp, openly criticizes her (a bit OOC ik) ... S/O is hurt but is still trying to be a good wife around the house to make the best of the situation and hide her insecurities. It’s just an idea, if it does not inspire you I hope you will find something better!! xx
Genre: Angst. Just...angst. I’m so sorry in advance plz don’t hate me
Warnings: Grab your tissues, this is a long roller coaster that’s only going downhill OH GOD I’M SO SORRY
Word count: 3,059
Tags: @yuki-osaki @liviitehe @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog
a/n: (Submission 1/3 for my post asking for todo angst ideas! Thanks for the ask anon!)
Um. This is...depressing. Really depressing and really intense. I didn’t expect it would turn out this way. But it did. I had 2 other endings, but I instinctively wrote this one. I actually had to stop and cry for a few minutes because it was just really painful I mean, I know I said I was ready to but I didn’t actually mEAn it
I tried a different style for this, but I think it suits the story well. It’s 3rd person limited because I wanted you to experience everyone’s feelings in this (gotta maximize on the angst yknow) and half past tense bc of reasons you’ll find out.
God I’m afraid to post this. Is it bad that I love it, I honestly spent so much time writing this, but it hurts sO mUch?? Y’all are gonna hate me, you’re gonna kill me, oh no, just read the thing already, I’m hiding.
Buy me a coffee?
Shoto didn't know how to react to the news. It's not that he had his eye on anyone in particular, or that he was even interested in marriage for that matter. But because he proposed it, the man who had spent his entire childhood controlling every aspect of his life, he refused to accept any other intrusions from the man he should call "father."
The strange man across from his father spoke those words so casually. "So Endeavor, when are these two tying the knot?"
At first, he thought he had misheard or misunderstood. And then his father responded just as casually, "The date is set for next month."
The normally calm and collected boy almost burst the entire room into flames. He clenched the silverware so hard his knuckles turned white and his teeth ground together, but he couldn't say anything in front of his father's guest and his daughter for fear of shaming himself. The girl across from him offered a sympathetic look, but he turned away, already preparing the earful he's going to give his father.
-
"I want nothing to do with this!" he whirled on Endeavor as soon as they were home. "You've made my life a living hell controlling every single thing! And now you even want to control my marriage?!"
"I'm doing this for you!" Endeavor bellowed right back. "For the Todoroki name! For your future!"
"This is all for you! I want no part-!"
"If you don't agree, you'll never see your mother or the siblings again."
The calm threat was enough to drench Shoto's wrath into submissive fear. The flaming monster in front of him proved once again that he hasn't an ounce of sympathy for his blood. He's learned that family is the only thing keeping his son under his thumb and he still actively exploits that weakness.
All the boy can do is swallow and walk away, retreating to the outside world to escape his bitter reality even temporarily. Shoto doesn't have outbursts often, but there are times when the straw finally breaks the camel's back, and this is one of them. All he can do is run until he can't run anymore, reaching somewhere secluded enough where he can burst out in flames and ice without hurting anyone, finally getting to a forest where he can do exactly that and scream to his heart's content. It's the only thing he can do that is under his own control.
In the month that followed up to the wedding, Shoto barely spoke a word to anyone, choosing to isolate himself. He only came out when he absolutely had to show his face at functions to the bride's family and look presentable. His mind was always absent, the time flying in a blur of colors and white. Thankfully, his father did the preparations, so all he had to do was go along with everything. Shoto was simply playing a role in a play or movie, he was an actor who deserved an award for being in character for a month.
The night of the wedding, he and his newly-wedded wife were whisked away to their new home, being alone for the first time together. He didn't even know what she looked like nor did he care. As soon as they walked through the door of their already-furnished house, he released a heavy breath, brushed past her, unbuttoned his tuxedo, and - cold as his ice quirk - instructed, "I'm going to bed. Don't come up tonight." It was the first time he had ever spoken directly to her.
His wife, through this entire ordeal, was patient with him. She didn't want this arrangement either, but she figured they could at least talk and come to a mutual agreement. The entire month, she never pushed him to speak to her. She anticipated that he would be rational about this, as she was told by her family, and that they would be able to talk things over when they were finally alone. Just as she was going to speak her mind the way she had rehearsed it many times, he dismissed her. She was hurt, but she understood. He's exhausted after a whole month of stress and preparations, she rationalized, He just wants to rest. I wouldn't want to talk to a stranger after all that either.
Resolving to try again tomorrow morning, she undressed (with great difficulty), crept into the master bedroom for her clothes while Shoto showers, retrieved her pajamas quietly, and retreated back to the living room. The girl searched all the closets for a thick enough blanket and settles down to sleep on a couch, the exhaustion putting her right to sleep.
The next morning, the new Mrs. Todoroki woke up bright and early to make breakfast for her husband as an olive branch. She toiled away in the kitchen, somewhat making a racket even though she wanted to stay quiet so Shoto can sleep. Just as she finished setting the table and had to face the question of how to wake him, the boy padded down from the room.
"Oh, morning!" she smiled brightly at him.
He murmured a greeting back only to be polite, his face devoid of any real emotions other than coldness. He sat as far away from her a possible, thanking her for the meal halfheartedly and digging in without another word.
After waiting a few moments to let him satisfy his hunger, she cleared her throat. "So, um-"
"Your tamagoyaki needs more soy sauce and butter," he stated bluntly.
She blinked at the harsh comment. It was shocking he said anything to her at all, and the first thing he said was an insult.
"And the miso has no flavor," he continued in the same tone.
The girl finally gathered her wits. "I'll do better tomorrow. Thanks for the feedback, I guess?" she laughed nervously, trying to erase the immense tension Shoto bled into the atmosphere. When he didn't respond, she tried again. "I know this isn't something either of us wanted, but that doesn't mean we have to live here like enemies. We could be friends, or even just roommates!"
"I'd rather be strangers," he interjected harshly.
It felt like a stab in the heart. Here she was, trying to make their lives somewhat bearable together through their common misfortune, and all he wanted to do was live like ghosts in the same house.
Shoto placed his chopsticks down firmly, glaring her straight in the eyes with the iciest hatred she's ever seen. "Just to be clear, I want no part of you. You live your life and I live mine. You can have the bedroom to sleep at night if you want, but it's mine when I come home to shower and prepare for bed. We will not sleep, talk, or breathe near each other as long as we are in this house."
She dipped her head in defeat, unable to bear the weight of his stare. "C-Can we at least have our meals together?" she asked feebly.
It's something he respected, coming from family values no matter how broken. It's the only exception he made to their less-than relationship.
Months passed and she kept her end of the bargain through a suffocating routine. At first, the girl was kind, trying to get him to open up to her somehow without overstepping her boundaries. She made excuses for him constantly. He's just tired. The least I can do is leave him alone. I can't comfort him anyway, I'm a stranger. He's still upset about the whole thing, he'll come around. She even begged her boss to let her leave a little early every day to make sure she had ample amount of time to get home, shower, and prepare dinner before Shoto returned. When he did, he wordlessly showered, sat down to dinner, nitpicked at her cooking, finished eating, and went to sleep on the living room couch, all without even sparing her a glance.
But as every day passed, she grew more weary and worn in her efforts to please him. She tried to fix every little complaint Shoto had about her cooking or the cleanliness of the house or the laundry, but nothing seemed to satisfy him. She tried to hold onto the silver lining. At least he never touched me wrong or took advantage of me, she would think bitterly. He has the decency not to take his anger out on me.
Then the dark thoughts closed in as he continued ignoring her. Surely, Shoto's only disgusted with his father, he doesn't harbor hatred for her personally. Then she would remember the hate and disgust in his mismatched eyes the first day of their marriage. She realized no matter how desperately she tried, he wouldn't show her any signs of warmth or appreciation. No more did she try to make conversation with him during meals or greet him when he came home. There were days she thought, Why should I even try? He wouldn't like it either way. What's the point of getting up today? Maybe he'll even criticize how I sleep. But she still rose out of bed every morning and carried out her routine because it could always be worse.
A sliver of hope came in the form of Shoto's birthday. The girl figured if she did something just a little special, he would acknowledge her even the tiniest bit. She spent days beforehand researching and testing out the perfect cold soba recipe because she knew it was his favorite. She lit some candles on the table and bought a small cake for them to share.
When he came home, she was sure he would notice and say something, but he didn't; he went straight up to the bathroom as he usually did without a word. Though she felt the glimmer lessen in her heart, she didn't give up. For the first time in a while, she verbalized her thoughts to him.
"I made your favorite for your birthday!" she chirped as he sat down, setting the plate and a cup of dipping sauce in front of him. She was so eager for him to try it because she was confident she'd gotten it right this time. If she were a dog, her tail would've wagged in anticipation as he slurped the noodles into his mouth. She waited patiently for his feedback, leaning forward in excitement as he swallowed.
"The noodles are slightly overcooked. And the dipping sauce is too strong, you didn't add enough water."
Her hopes came crashing to a halt. She couldn't even muster anything else to say as he hastily finished his dinner and rose to leave.
She stood up, heart hammering in her chest. "What about the cake?" Anything, something!
"I don't want it." He turned his back to her.
"I got it for you!" It was the first time she explicitly stated her intentions, the first time she made herself vulnerable.
"You shouldn't have gotten it at all. It was a waste of time. Why did you even try?" The calm and cold words stung her as he got up and left her in the dining room alone.
His words echoed against the empty walls of the dining room. She looked down at the cake he disregarded, feeling cold and dizzy. She took a shaky breath in and out before resting her head on the cold glass table to stabilize herself. The voice stabs through her even as she closed her eyes to block them out.
It was then she felt bluntly in her mind. He hates me.
-
The girl feels nothing but numbing cold, both on her face and inside. Rolling up to sit, her neck and back cry out in soreness from sleeping on the table, pale light greeting her from the nearby window. Her face feels strange, and she trudges to the bathroom mirror to check why. She knows she should be preparing for work, but what's the point? Her reflection reveals lines across her cheek, probably from sleeping on the edge of the table. She shuffles to the kitchen because she should probably start breakfast, but why should she? Leaning against the counter, she can't bring herself to move anywhere. Her brain buffers as she tries to force herself to think of what to do now. She doesn't feel sick, but there's a dull, cool feeling in her limbs that she can't face.
The phone rings, catching her off guard. Glancing at the number, she doesn't hesitate to answer. "Hello?"
"Hi, baby. It's me."
Her eyebrows relax, appreciating the sound of a familiar voice. "Hey, Mom. What's up?" She knows her voice sounds weak, she's hoping the woman can't hear it.
"I'm just checking in, you haven't called in a while. Is something up? You don't sound good."
"I'm...fine," she stumbles over the word. "How's dad?"
"He's doing well. You sure you're not sick, sweetie?"
"I'm not." She leans her back on the counter.
"Is Shoto there? How is he?"
And just like that, she feels something dislodge in her throat. "He's going to work, he probably left early." She doesn't know, there hasn't been any rustling in the house.
Her mom is silent for a while. "Tell me the truth. What happened?"
The sound of her mother's stern voice moves something in her chest. "It's nothing, I just made a mistake."
"Doing what?"
"I tried making Shoto's favorite dish for his birthday yesterday. I put so much time and energy into perfecting it for him to enjoy it, but I fell short again." She laughs bitterly, tears starting to fill her eyes. "He didn't even want the cake I got for him, he said it was a waste. I shouldn't have bothered with it." She blinks and a tear slides down her face. "I don't know why I was expecting something different to happen, I'm so stupid."
"Honey, where is this coming from? What's going on?"
She wipes her face, but more spill out of her eyes as she slides down the cabinet onto the cold floor. "It's just a little frustrating when you're sharing a house with someone you're married to and they barely acknowledge you. I mean, I expected there to be problems at first given the circumstances, but I didn't expect this." Her voice shakes with every word. "God, what did I do to deserve this? I've lived in this house for 5 months, and never has he even said 'thank you' to me. Hasn't breathed a word of appreciation to me. I do so much for him. I've bent over backwards for him just to make everything done the way he wants it, I've worked my entire routine, my entire life in this house to cater to him, but all he does is complain!" She sobs into the phone, curling up into a ball as tremors wrack through her body. "I'm just so tired. I don't know how much more I can take. I've made so many excuses for him, but I just can't do anything right. Why am I even still here?"
Her mother is silent on the other line. "My baby, if I knew this would happen, I wouldn't have allowed this marriage. I can't believe you're going through this."
The girl can't formulate words or think anything coherent. She drops the phone out of her hand, wrapping her legs to her chest as the tremors continue in waves, muffled whimpers the only thing escaping her lips because she's afraid to cry out loud despite being in an empty, lonely house.
-
Shoto heard something he probably shouldn't have, but he definitely needed to hear. It bothered him for the rest of the day. It was a sobering slap in the face that made him feel shame and regret, a hard-to-swallow pill that sat in his stomach the entire day.
On his way back home, the sound of her sobs echoes in his mind. He curses his behavior from the past few months. At the very least, he made a lady cry, and at the most, he's been a complete asshole. It's all his fault, that is something he's completely aware of and is ready to take full responsibility for. All this time, he was stupidly neglecting her out of spite for his father, but he broke her in the process. He's angry that he had to hear her crying to realize that. The only thing he can do now is hurry home to profusely apologize for what he's done and hope they can start over new and she forgives him, which he's prepared for her not to do.
Honestly, he deserves all the hate from her that he's shown her. After everything she's done for him and all the effort she's put into their imbalanced relationship, he wouldn't be surprised if she yelled at him and called him all sorts of names.
Shoto walks through the door, the atmosphere different. The house is quiet as usual, but it's more eerie than he remembers, as if that means anything with how aloof he was. He slips into the bedroom and changes quickly, returning back to the quiet dining room where his dinner waits for him at his place.
He tentatively sits and spares a quick glance at the girl who's supposed to be his wife. Her eyes are still puffy and she's tugging at her sleeves. It seems she's avoiding him and he was avoiding her before. He questions how things should start. When is the right time to speak his piece. Would she listen to him now? He decides to take a bite first and chews slowly. I guess a 'thank you' is a good place to start-
"We're getting a divorce."
He stops suddenly, almost choking.
"You don't owe me anything, and I don't want anything from you." She isn't looking at him, voice calm and collected. "Besides, it's better this way since it's what you wanted." She rises from her seat smoothly. "I've already packed for the next few nights. I'll have some workers come in the following weeks to clear out the rest, and the papers will be delivered promptly." Her footsteps recede from the room.
Shoto turns around to call out to her, and his minds comes up blank.
He never even bothered to remember her name.
~
Sequel?
Sequel!
#todoroki x reader#todoroki shouto#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#todoroki angst#todoroki imagine#todoroki scenario#female reader#bnha x reader#mha x reader#mha fanfiction#bnha fanfiction
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Taking The Media By Storm.
enjoy, i love u lots x
Being in the public eye wasn’t Dele’s favourite part of his job. Don't get him wrong, he loves the fans and, of course, he’d never complain about the free PR and perks of that manner, but sometimes it felt like eyes were on him constantly, critiquing every single aspect of his life. All footballers go through it to some extent but from his debut, Dele has always had more intense scrutiny from the media than most. It was truly unfair and he hated it, the media clung to him like a parasite, and there’s nothing he could do about it.
It made all aspects of his life harder and more tedious, but there’s one aspect the media loved to hone in on and make extra torturous: his love life.
He had met Emilia 6 months ago. He wasn’t particularly looking for anything or on the hunt for a relationship but everything fell into place and it was the happiest he’d ever been. Dele tended to not actively look for love, partly because Sally engraved into him that “love finds you”, and partly, again, because of the media. Being a well known athlete meant it was difficult to differentiate between the girls who truly did like him and the ones who liked his fame and fortune. With Emilia he didn’t even consider if she had ill-intent, he knew from the first night that she had a heart of gold. In their initial meeting, it helped that she was a Chelsea fan, that in itself gave away how much she liked him, she’d not touch a lilywhite with a 10ft bargepole; Dele was an exception.
They’d silently agreed to keep things to themselves as they navigated their way through the first stages of the relationship. Dele had seen how horrific the media was to his teammates’ girlfriend’s and wives, quick to brandish them as gold diggers or tear apart their appearance and invade their privacy, and that’s the last thing he wanted for the gorgeous girl who had fallen into his life, especially not because of him.
-
The first few months consisted of sneaky late night drives and meeting up inside either one of their houses, slowly getting to know each other before making any decisions regarding how serious they were or taking it public. After a few months, it became less casual and Emilia found herself, to her own disbelief, in the stands watching Dele do what he does best on the pitch.
Weeks passed by before their eyes as they relaxed into it, Dele knowing every week that Chelsea played away, Emilia would be cheering him on in the stands instead, going perfectly undetected due to the mass crowds around her and her obvious aversion to wearing a Spurs jersey with his name on the back. But it became harder to hide as time went on.
Dele had posted a few stories here and there of dinners, clearly only being consumed by him and one other, or a boomerang on his story of a film set up on the tv in front of a blanket, so people were suspiciously questioning his relationship status. However, not a single eye was on Emilia… until the paparazzi got the better of them one match day.
It was the second Alli Derby day they’d endured in their relationship, a cold November night filled with tension and expectation ending with a tight 0-1 win to Chelsea, with Dele involved in commotion more than once, earning himself a yellow card well into the second half.
The media knew how stressed and riled up Dele could get so at the news of him receiving a yellow card, swiftly followed by him being subbed off, they set up their cameras just outside the stadium car park to snap photos of his angry demeanor to plaster all over their articles. Their narrative soon changed as they got more than they bargained for as the camera rolls filled with photos of Emilia climbing into the passenger's seat.
Mere hours after the final whistle, photos of ‘Dele Alli’s mystery Chelsea-clad woman’ were circling the internet, some people theorising she was a fan who needed a lift home after various incidents they were imagining, some claiming she was a friend of his sister’s or even a cousin who simply went to go and watch him, but the most obvious shout was that Emilia was Dele’s girlfriend. The pair sat together, thankful for a distraction from the stress of the match and Dele's uproar, now figuring out what to do about this new stress.
-
“So, Dele, you’re taking the media by storm at the moment?” the interviewer laughed as Dele, fresh off the pitch, brought his hands up covered by his shirt to wipe the sweat from his brow, giving a breathy giggle followed by, “yeah, I guess you could say that.”
The interviewer proceeded to ask him about the 1-4 win, Dele having involvement in all 4 goals, particularly focusing on the hattrick from the man himself.
“One freekick, a header and top bins goal, of course not forgetting the goal you put on a plate for your good friend Son, how does it feel?”, Dele went through the usual procedure of a post match interview, beaming from ear to ear and clutching the Man Of The Match trophy close to his chest, glancing down at it every so often and widening his grin.
In the midst of his high, he forgot all about the speculation swimming the internet, until the interviewer brought it up with no way to get out of it.
“Even before tonight, you’ve been a hot topic in the media, haven’t you?” he inched towards asking the real question, you could see the cogs turning in Dele’s brain before his smile faltered a bit, thinking up what his reply would be to the next question inevitably coming his way, “the hot question at the moment, Dele, what happened after the derby on Saturday?”.
“I was just trying to go home to be honest, it was a rough match, with the loss and me being given a yellow rightfully or not, so yeah we just wanted to go home but the paps are always around,” he gave the sort of laugh that’s more like just an expulsion of air and rubbed over the back of his neck. He looked slightly uncomfortable but the small smile on his face said otherwise, obviously thinking about the pretty girl in his car.
“I’ll take that ‘we’ as all the confirmation people want.. I have to say, it’s not often you see a player dating an opposition fan, especially not from the same city. I hope I’m not stepping a line when I ask this but, how do you navigate that situation?” the interviewer held the microphone closer to Dele’s mouth, ensuring he doesn’t miss any of the gossip.
Dele half scoffed, thinking all decency and ‘lines’ are abolished in today’s media, knowing none of them give a fuck as long as they have a story and are harbouring clicks for them. In truth, they navigated the situation with a lot of angry sex but he couldn’t say that, trying to surpress the various images drifting through his mind and scramble to think of a suitable response.
“We don’t,” he pauses for a second to laugh at his own joke before continuing, “nah yknow, we have our ways, we make it work... I’m not just a Spurs player and she’s much more than a Chelsea fan.”
He panics a little bit knowing he’s just outed them on live television but they’d discussed it and agreed it wouldn’t be too bad, only 6 months in but it felt like 6 years and neither of them had any doubts it’d last a lifetime. Looking down at his MOTM trophy, he smiled knowing what he was going home to and the welcome he would get as a well done for his hattrick.
Dele didn’t say much, quickly wrapping up the interview after that and walking into the tunnel to head for his phone to read his girlfriend’s reaction, undoubtful that she was watching everything he said.
Emilia (19:22)
here we goooooo
Emilia (19:23)
not an invasion of privacy my arse
Emilia (19:23)
much more than a chelsea fan huh?
Emilia (19:23)
ur cute
Emilia (19:24)
and sexy
Emilia (19:26)
stop wiping your brow like that its arousing
Emilia (19:28)
now get dressed quick quick quick smelly boy x
Emilia (now)
i love u
-
Dele couldn’t help but mention Emilia in interviews. Without a doubt, her name or a reference to his girl always came up. It got to the point where the other lads involved would place bets on how many times it would happen and challenge him to not do it, but it seemed an impossible task for the man in love.
During an interview for Soccer Saturday, he was asked about his injuries and his setbacks throughout the past few seasons and how he coped with it and snapped back to match fitness like he always did.
“It must be rough for you, not being out on the pitch doing what you do best, Dele, how do you deal with that every time? Does it get any easier?” Dele scrunched his nose up at the question, he hated thinking about and talking of his injuries.
“Yeah, you know it’s the worst feeling in the world just wanting to be up there helping the team out but not being able to, it’s unbelievably frustrating. But I have a great team of physios around me and available at Spurs to help and get me back as soon as possible, and all of the lads still make sure that anyone injured is still involved in team things so that’s amazing,” his mouth turned up at the sides at the thought of his next sentence. “I have my brother at home with me who’s my best friend so he tries to keep my morale up, as well as my girlfriend Emilia who is always by my side and knows me better than anyone else, yeah she’s amazing.. always cooking for me and looking after me even when I’m not injured” he laughs out.
In the same interview even she came up again, later on when he was asked about the fan presence at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.
“How much do the fans on a match day influence your performance? Do you think it helps significantly to hear the fans singing your chants and acting almost as the 12th man on the team?” he asks, and Dele thinks it's an extremely obvious answer.
“Oh definitely, nothing compares to 40,000 people singing your name or celebrating alongside you when you put one in the back of the net, having fan presence at the games means everything to us. Makes losses easier and wins even sweeter. Of course a lot of us have our families and friends in the stadium as well which tops it all off, most matches I know that my girlfriends up in the same box, and it always helps to look up at her cheering me on when me or the team is doing bad, or to look up at her little smile when I score, makes everything feel worth it.”
-
Even a year or so later, he was sat parallel to Eric making another of the iconic roommates videos for England. Eric had already had his turn to answer the questions while Dele guessed, getting himself a respectable ⅘. But now it was Eric’s turn to guess.
“Question 2: What’s the first thing Dele does after a match?” Eric rolls his eyes already knowing the answer, “A) gets a massage, B) texts the missus, C) has a shower”
He cranes his neck to turn and look at Dele doing some stupid wiggle to a song playing through his headphones before turning around and finishing the question.
“Well the answer is B, texts his missus, but he’s had your life there with that answer, the woman’s normally waiting in the tunnel for him, or if she’s not then yes he texts her immediately.. then sends her a photo.. then calls her.. then ignores all of us and leaves to get back to her, they’re like magnets,” Eric muses warmly, rolling his eyes and making fun of them both but deep down he loves it. He loves that his best friend has found someone he loves so much and my god were they an exact match. He found it creepy at times how perfect they were for one another.
“So Delboy, question 2.. Bro I don’t even have to ask, its B, moving on,” Eric quickly flips through the question cards getting to the next question as Dele’s shriek of a laugh echoed around the mostly empty training hall.
“Stop it, am I that obvious?” Dele laughs pushing Eric to the side and blushing slightly.
Eric simply looks at him, then looks back at the camera, then looks at Dele again and cocks his eyebrow.
“May as well get her name tattooed on your forehead mate.”
-
Roaring from the crowd filled his ears, eliciting a warm feeling deep in the pit of his stomach. He doesn’t know what came over him. Dele looked up at the box after his celebration, half ignoring the cheers and pats on the back around him, and gave a cheesy grin and kissed his ring finger as always, laughing as Emilia kissed the air in her direction and stood with her hand on her stomach.
He’d just put one in the back of the net against Wolverhampton and immediately ran to the corner, picking up the ball from his feet on the way and sticking it under his shirt.
The expecting parents had been to their 20 week scan that morning and found out they were having a boy and Dele couldn’t stop thinking about it, even on the pitch. The excitement bubbled up and it just felt like the right time to ‘make the announcement’ after his goal. They were going to post maternity pictures this week anyway but the opportunity seemed too good to pass up right now. He was elated.
“Dele, we and everyone else at home has noticed the tape on your ring finger for a little while now along with your wife up in the stands, but do you have some news? Did we see that celebration right?” the interviewer prompted a beaming Dele.
“Well, I wasn’t meant to say anything until she could make her official post this week, so I’ll get into the tunnel and be battered by her,” he said through gritted teeth and a laugh, “but yes, we’re so excited to start this new chapter.”
The Spurs midfielder looked to his right across to the tunnel to see Emilia joking with Jose, rolling his eyes mentally at how her and her mum insist he’s her long lost dad.
“It comes as a surprise, you’re still quite young and love a party, it’ll be difficult to give up the nightlife and non stop partying for a life of nappy changes, no?” He hates this interviewer. He’d love to just rip into them but that’d just prove their stupid opinion right and give them more to feed off and fuel their narrative that he wasn’t ready to be a father.
“You’d be surprised,” was all he said. Ever since he was young he’s been labelled as a party boy and the sort of footballer who goes out on a weekly basis picking up girls for a fuck and chuck, but that’s never been him. At every party they found themselves either leaving early together or in a corner somewhere just the two of them, they hadn’t spent a night apart for 99% of their relationship and the times they did weren’t by choice and they still fell asleep on facetime, they were even married now for god's sake.. But the media still see him as ‘Dele the party boy’. There’s nothing he’d love more in the world than a baby with Emilia, and as annoying as it was, they both loved to prove everyone wrong and show it will last.
-
“On your screens now in the stands is Dele Alli’s missus and newborn.. His first time at Tottenham Hotspur stadium at only 4 weeks old, I wonder how long it’ll be until his first appearance at Stamford Bridge,” Martin Tyler let out a chuckle as the camera panned to Emilia sat in her usual box, Isaiah’s face nuzzled into her neck as she bounced rhythmically trying to soothe him.
-
Both sides of the pair became more open and active on social media as time progressed but still kept their own privacy. The fans loved to see the side to Dele they rarely got to see and it was so lovely for their friends and family to be able to see what they were up to and the stupid reasons why they weren’t replying to texts.
Little Instagram posts and stories here and there at random times. For example, early on in their relationship, Dele posted a video of a monopoly board in front of them with hotels and houses scattered messily where they weren’t meant to be. The video slowly panned up and stopped on Emilia sat opposite him bending to pick some more up from the floor, but at the sight of Dele filming, she threw one straight at his forehead, eliciting a hyena like laugh from Dele, captioning the video ‘landed on one of my hotels and couldn’t afford it, the woman doesn’t take Ls’ alongside Emilia’s @.
Another time, Emilia posted a video to her story, still in bed with the camera pointing outwards towards the door. Dele’s t-shirt was visible on the floor and the duvet was messed up on his side, evidence he wasn’t there, as the smoke alarm blared through the house. She simply captioned it ‘when he tries to make you toast in bed as a surprise at 8am.. someone come collect him @dele.’
There were various cute posts and stories as well as the jokey ones though. About half way through the pregnancy, Emilia posted a photo of her husband fast asleep strewn across the huge sofa, one hand hanging off the end and one hand holding a book against his chest that eagle-eyed fans could just make out to be a parenting book called ‘Happy Mum, Happy Baby’ alongside Rome laying across his legs and Diesel on the floor near his hanging hand. Emilia made a joke of it, captioning it ‘we haven’t even had the baby and my man’s already tired enough to pass out at 4pm.. he ain’t seen nothing yet’, but the pull in her chest showed she thought it was the cutest thing in the world.
A fan favourite was a simple photo on Dele’s story not too long after Isaiah was born and announced on Instagram. The photo was framed from up a height and captured all 3 pairs of their legs, Dele on the left, Emilia on the right and Isaiah’s little legs in between them, one leg on Dele’s thigh and one leg on Emilia’s thigh. The family were all wearing grey joggers and white trainers, Isaiah included, and they were the picture of cuteness in their matching outfits.
Throughout her pregnancy with Mabel, Emilia captured too many moments that pulled at her heart strings, she couldn’t not post some. One night she posted a photo which was mostly dark but you could make out the top of Dele’s shoulders along with his messy bed hair and big hand sprawled over her bump, holding his wife and unborn daughter close even in his sleep. Emilia couldn’t help but share her love with the world, captioning it with a simple white heart emoji and leaving it at that.
More videos popped up throughout the months of that pregnancy in particular: sneaky videos from behind Dele of him in shops picking up little baby clothes even though they already had surplus, videos from afar of them in the Enfield training ground cafeteria zooming in on him making people listen to the heart beat for the thousandth time, a video of the baby inside her stomach making bumps and movements from under the skin but stopping when Dele speaks.
After Emilia’s pregnancy and birth of Mabel, the world knew it didn’t quite go to plan and there were more complications than they’d imagined, so when Dele made his return to football after his extended break for his little girl, all eyes were on him. The commentators and pundits made comments wishing him and his family well, claiming how pleased they were to have him back and recalling his tweet from a few days prior: ‘Thank you for your patience over the past few months. Making sure our daughter was happy and healthy is our first priority but I am excited to make my return on Saturday. Appreciate the support.’. That evening, Emilia posted a video of Mabel in the baby swing chair from behind so you couldn’t see her face, with a smiling Dele zoomed in on the TV during the pre match warm up. She captioned it ‘watching her daddy <3 always proud of you’ in the centre and lower down hidden in a smaller font ‘both had a tantrum at leaving each other this morning ffs’.
Even as the children grew up and Dele stepped out of the limelight, every so often a post would pop up and make people melt. A little picture of a sunshine that Ora had painted in school that says ‘smile’ underneath in her messy handwriting that Dele posted to his feed. A photo posted of a fort that Isaiah had made from whatever he could find around the house, insisting that he had to have his dinner in there, resulting in Emilia going to check on him and snuggling up herself ready to watch Monsters Inc with him; even though she had to squish up and become a contortionist to fit, it was the cutest thing Dele had seen. Or a story of them on a dog walk, first showing Emilia, Isaiah and Ora along with all 7 dogs in the field in front of Dele before panning down to his muddy wellies alongside Mabel’s similarly dirty wellies next to him.
Odd appreciation posts for each other every now and then, showing that even after being married a decade and coming so far from the start, they were still more in love than most people could imagine, candid photos of Dele’s bare back in the kitchen adorned with dribbling emojis or a sneaky video of Emilia getting ready for an event, turning around at the call of her name and rolling her eyes at the sight of his phone pointed at her and his wolf whistle with the caption ‘my girl’ and the sweating emoji alongside.
They had a love hate relationship with the media throughout their lives but they couldn’t deny they loved being able to broadcast their love to the world, bursting at the seams with pride and joy for what they’d created.
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November 3rd is a Special Day.
hey everyone. before i begin no it’s not because of election day. this is a personal post.
it’s been more than a year since i’ve been active on this blog, due to being stalked and having paranoia in the past from an abusive ex. i was saving this post for November 3rd, which i actually just figured out how to schedule so just for reference, i’m writing this on September 6th. in my bio is still says i’m 19. lol i’ve been 20 for eight months now (as of nov.)
this account brought me so much. it still gets traffic to this day, my original posts still float around, i still have old inbox messages, i still get messages here and there. this account triggered me in ways i didn’t think it would because of the trauma i experienced on it. but without it, i wouldn’t have met my boyfriend two years ago. without the beatles i wouldn’t have met him. and frankly without my shitty ex i wouldn’t have met him either, because they’re the one that showed me the beatles in the first place. i wouldn’t be the person i am today had it not been for my past experiences i’m STILL learning from to this day, still growing from, still healing from. LSD opened my eyes to the reality i was living in, the abuse and control and manipulation i experienced. LSD also helped me move on from it, which ultimately lead to this post. i tripped in the mountains the last weekend of august, cruising the BRP with my boyfriend and best friend with the windows down listening to a song called Melon and Coconut by glass animals. i had my eyes closed and i sobbed, i sobbed because of the beautiful feeling in my chest. even after two years of being away, finally being free, i felt so much in that moment and in just those couple minutes. i felt like i could finally move on from the trauma. felt like i could move on from them, move on and maybe even forgive. but i know ultimately i will never forgive my abuser. however, i know now that i can thank them for what i have. for opening my eyes, for making me learn the red flags the hard way. the knowledge i have now from what they did to me, i’ll never be blind to it again. i’ll never not know it’s happening to me again. i can thank them for the personal growth i’ve had, and the confidence that’s grown inside of me now that i’ve gotten over the hard parts.
i can thank them for the boy i met on here two years ago, who eventually became my boyfriend now of almost two years. i’ve never met someone so fucking patient, so kind, so willing to be there for me. never had someone show me love and compassion the way orion does. i’ve never wanted to try so hard with someone to make it work, because we met on here being 600 miles away. i didn’t get to see him in person until eight months after we met. and then i didn’t get to see him again for another few months. and then we didn’t get to see each other again for another few months. and now? i’ve been living with him for almost a year. i’ve woken up beside him every single day for almost a year in our small full sized bed and i wouldn’t have it any other way. we’ve been raising our dog together, who’s growing to be the sweetest lady ever what the fuck?? the domesticity i have with him is blissful, it’s amazing. i have never envisioned a future with anyone like i do with him, never seen myself exploring the world like i could with him. anywhere i go, as long as i’m with him, i’m ok. i feel like i’m home with orion. he’s given so much to be here with me so we can live our lives together, i genuinely feel so blessed to have him in my life. i believe we were supposed to meet. it’s funny too, because i had made a swear to myself and never broke it for years that i would never date someone long distance, someone i met over the internet. it didn’t take long for us to end up together shortly after we met though, and ever since then we’ve been just , yknow , us. dude had me breaking my own rules and i love that for me. i’m so glad to have made new memories with him to replace the bad ones. so glad to show him the place i’ve called my home for my whole life and let him call it his home too. i love that he loves my family, i love that he talks to my parents and is kind to my younger siblings and gets along with my older ones. i love that i get along with his parents too, and i feel so lucky that they love me as much as they do.
we have a long, long way to go and i’m so excited to see where life takes us. i love to support him and the decisions he makes, to be there for him like he is for me. i used to be told i was too emotional, and now i feel so free to express my emotions as passionately as i used to before i was constantly shut down. orion is not someone who can “handle” me, he is someone who loves me for who i am, for my strong emotions and the intense way they come out of me, he loves me when i laugh, he loves me when i’m sad, he loves me when i wake him up in the middle of the night just to hold me during an anxiety attack, he loves me when i’m yelling at a tv screen because of video games. i just know what it’s like now to be loved for who i am, and not loved as an idea of who i could be. i love orion for showing me that, for giving me that, for continuously showing me that and for putting in the same effort i put in. so anyway this post is just really a flex on the healthiest relationship of my life and honestly, the happiest relationship, and the horniest relationship. ah yes, the three H’s. so yeah, this post isn’t so much of a fuck you post, as it is a thank you post. cuz i can recognize what i have and why i have it.
November 3rd is a special day, because it’s the day my life changed for the better.
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Gay Wyatt??? YES PLEASE 💕 is there anything else you can tell us that isn’t a spoiler for your fic? Like when he knew and who’s his type? You writing Wyatt as gay is like best thing to happen in this disaster that is 2020 👌🏻
i think wyatt was one of those kids who never really had issues coming to terms with / figuring out his sexuality i think somewhere between the ages of 10 - 13 when everyone’s really talking about crushes and who likes who and all that wyatt’s like i like boys :) i think he was out in middle school meaning he was definitely collected as a gay best friend because as someone who went to middle school in the early 2010′s the attitude towards gay kids (only guys obviously middle school is still very homophobic) was weirdly fetishy because we all watched glee and all that and the amount of girls who were all like we need him as our gay best friend....... yeah i think that was what happened with wyatt. i think during that era he really leaned into the “stereotypical” gay tropes like calling everyone sister and saying yaaaasss and okurrrr bc let’s face it he’s a people pleaser it’s middle school and he really doesn’t want to go against that grain. i think in high school was definitely more of wyatt y’know finding out who he really is outside of straight girl perceptions of him he was definitely in the school gsa all that in all honesty i think up to the point where i’m at in my story wyatt’s maybe had only two boyfriends (middle school doesn’t count there was only one other out kid he knew and they’d hold hands sometimes. they’re still friends tho.) bc like as previously stated i really do think wyatt is the type of guy to fall in love every single time i think he would have dated a guy he met in gsa from the end of junior year over the summer and into senior year, falling apart in the winter in a mutual fashion but like wyatt was still just really broken up about it all that definitely cried to taylor swift’s back to december a couple times and then in college he’s like i’m a new man i’m confident i’m independant blah blah blah and i think his next boyfriend would have actually been another witch that he had gone to magic school with and i think that would have lasted almost two years or so, roughly from age 20 to 22 with wyatt being 22 in the current place in the story and uhh wyatt actually got dumped the it’s not you it’s me bc uhhh wyatt was In Love with this guy and he loved wyatt too but like, y’know he didn’t really plan on extending that relationship past college and he loved and cared for wyatt but wanted to grow as his own person blah blah blah and um Wyatt’s Still Not Over It. i keep trying to subtly incorporate that into the story because quite honestly i think wyatt still has pictures of them around his apartment that he keeps trying to get rid of but then doesn’t have the heart to do so and it’s the excruciating back and forth and chris like,, makes fun of him for it in a sense but can also tell wyatt’s still really broken up about it so he goes easy on him chris’s initial plan was to talk shit about that guy but uhh it’s clear wyatt still has very strong feelings for him and talking smack only made him feel worse do uhh yikes! and that has always sort of been the romantic origin story that i’ve held for wyatt in my head even though i don’t think i’m ever going to do anything with his witch ex boyfriend i still haven’t settled on what i want his power to be i was thinking either a firestarter or telekinetic but also it doesn’t matter as i don’t have any specific plans for that character other than to hopefully eventually reference that romance to establish a) that wyatt is gay and b) that he’s a hopeless romantic who falls in love every time.
i really don’t have any romances mapped out for wyatt in my head, for most characters, i’ll sprinkle in some cute non-endgame relationships and then for some i know who i’d want them to end up with in the end idk if it’s a spoiler or not if i say that i’m definitely gonna make chris and bianca endgame but i also don’t want to jump into endgame relationships immediately because then you don’t really get to see characters date and change alongside other people as far as relationships i have mapped out, there’s chris and bianca, obvi, i have one long running one i want to add for kat, pj already has a boyfriend and i definitely want to continue to sort of work on and build their relationship bc i think atm pj’s boyfriend is the only himbo character i’ve got and i shan’t be giving him up any time soon i have a couple temp li ideas for parker and one or two for tam (i also have a firm, solid idea of who i want tam’s endgame to be but again i don’t want to jump into that immediately she’s like 18 there should be room for romantic exploration before you you meet the love of your life yknow) in regards to henry i’ve got a couple ideas i want to play around with you’ll definitely understand what i’m talking about sooner or later once i get there gotta pay homage to a classic charmed trope at this point am i missing anyone peyton’s 14 so i’m not putting like any real focus on her romantic life bc like she’s the brainiac who just started high school i think her focus is gonna be much more specifically honed in on studies than her own person love life (everyone else’s love lives are totally on the table though she is a cupid after all and she’s definitely joining parker and pj’s pre-established betting pool on the love lives around sfhs (melinda was also formerly in this betting pool as an empath but she’s now off to college) henry will also sometimes wager a bet despite his lack of powers) on the topic of melinda who i think at this point is the only character who’s love life i haven’t mentioned i don’t think she’s ever dated anyone. like, i think she’s been on dates, but never had that actually turn into a relationship, y’know? and i think she really lets her own empath powers get in the way of forming any real romantic relationships because once love is involved she has a lot of trouble telling which emotions are hers and which are theirs and she always negatively talks herself into believing any attraction she feels is 100% coming from her end and she should never assume that any of these positive emotions she feels could be coming from them and really has a knack for talking herself out of love with a person. because all of the piper halliwell kids are gonna have shit luck with love. that’s just gonna be like their trademark.
oh i forgot to answer wyatt’s type!! this post is already hella long imma link a separate post with the next gen + all of their types since i’m already rambling
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@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3)
@silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie
1. Are looks important in a relationship?
I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner
2. Are relationships ever worth it?
sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D
3. Are you a virgin?
nah
4. Are you in a relationship?
yeh!
5. Are you in love?
I’d say so!
6. Are you single this year?
no
7. Can you commit to one person?
yes
8. Describe your crush
it me bf
9. Describe your perfect mate
same as above c:
10. Do you believe in love at first sight?
no, only when it comes to animals c;
11. Do you ever want to get married?
thats a dream of mine tbh
12. Do you forgive betrayal?
I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)
13. Do you get jealous easily?
in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays.
In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally
14. Do you have a crush on anyone?
me bf
15. Do you have any piercings?
just have my ears pierced!
16. Do you have any tattoos?
no but maybe soon
17. Do you like kissing in public?
only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses
20. Do you shower every day?
yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes
21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
bruh I sure hope my bf does;;
22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
nah
23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so
24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
it is possible but who tf knows
25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?
idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years.
And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story
26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
as in losing touch with me? I guess so
27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?
a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33
28. Have you ever been cheated on?
Yup
29. Have you ever cheated on someone?
very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that
30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?
often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf
idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise
31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?
oh often
32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?
yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard
33. Have you ever had sex with a man?
hell yeah
34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?
:( no
35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
yeh!!
36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?
Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh
37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate
38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
yeah and it ruined me for a while
39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
uuuuhh not really I think
40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?
whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D
41. Have you had sex so far this year?
hella
42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?
depends on how thirsty I am
43. How long was your longest relationship?
5 and a half years and counting
44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?
2-3
45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?
uuhh I was 14, no one
46. How many times did you have sex last year?
HELLA
47. How old are you?
22 my dudes
48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me
49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?
I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec
Also that he is still able to surprise me
50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning
51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?
yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions
52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?
yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying.
53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
yeah my abuser probably
54. Is there someone you will never forget?
unfortunately yes and fortunately yes
55. Share a relationship story.
uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here.
Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands
56. State 8 facts about your body
I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body
57. Things you want to say to an ex
to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao
to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)
58. What are five ways to win your heart?
uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things
59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)
yikes
60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?
my current bf is 8 years older than me
61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?
how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this
62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?
even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
63. What is your definition of “having sex”?
everything that comes after kissing imo
64. What is your definition of cheating?
I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating
65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?
kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me
66. What is your favourite roleplay?
if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)
67. What is your idea of the perfect date?
something something being outside in the nature and also good food
68. What is your sexual orientation?
69. What turns you off?
super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth
Like dude
r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks
70. What turns you on?
being manhandled
71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?
idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow
72. What words do you like to hear during sex?
I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open
73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?
i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!
74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?
probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands
75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?
I already answered that c:
76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?
I have a few stories I’m proud of!
But I really love this one:
When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation.
The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft.
So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS.
When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit
77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?
not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal
78. What’s your dirtiest secret?
I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh
79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?
yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends
80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
this morning when I cuddled my cats :D
81. Who are five people you find attractive?
my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for
82. Who is the last person you hugged?
my bf!!
83. Who was your first kiss with?
my first bf sdfjsdfs
84. Why did your last relationship fail?
it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;
85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?
yeah, sure
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RWBY Sexuality Headcanons
Fuck it; 2018 is rounding off, I’m a lottle drunk and I remembered saying something on @ladyvallhalla‘s Twiiter post. Let’s expand, shall we?
These are my personal headcanons for characters’ sexualities in RWBY, and the ones I often drift to. I’m branching a little bit from the main four but point’s the same throughout
Fisrt, a disclaimer - I really enjoy | OmegaInfinity |’s story “Linked in Life and Love” on Fanfiction.net. In it, the use of Mate Marks is explored, where Faunus can mark their partner(s) and various things occur.
Ever since then, I see ALL Faunus as Bisexual (I know what you’re thinking, and I’ll explore and explain that in a bit). Some prefer one gender over another, but most would happily join in a polyship if their partner so wanted. There are some exceptions, like Adam because fuck Adam with everything sharp, poisonous and deadly in this world and the next!
So, all Faunus will have an * next to their name, to denote that all of them are Bisexual to an extent, and that this is what I HC them as displaying most of the time.
Ruby Rose
Asexual
Our Silver Eyed Cinnamon Bun doesn’t really care for anything like that. She loves weapons, and she wants to protect her friends. As time progresses, that doesn’t change and that’s just who she is.
If I was forced to put her with anyone, I’d say Oscar due to their similar-ish ages (ignoring one huge outlier in the boy’s head). But honestly, Ruby saw someone younger tagging along. This is the first time since attending Beacon that she has actually had a chance to lead someone who hasn’t had as much world experience as her. She jumped at that chance, took him under his wing and gave him the Rose / Xiao Long Hospitality and Big Sis Role that she had grown up experiencing with Yang.
Weiss Schnee
SO tough to decide!
Like, seriously. I put down “Confused” on the original tweet, but with it being a tweet I couldn’t expand on that.
Weiss has lived a life of luxury, getting what she wants a lot of the time, not being given it if she doesn’t want it. There were a few smaller things she had to do on her Father’s request when she was younger, and she didn’t particularly enjoy that, but she stomached it as best she could to please him.
When she became of age to date, he forced her into it, and she was not happy at all. For a long time, it was shitty suitor after shitty suitor, so she outright denied a lot of people a chance at getting close to her, because they were just what Jacques wanted.
Neptune comes along, and suddenly there’s someone she finds attractive, but that goes nowhere and she’s at a loss.
It’s only when she has to deal with Shitty Neptune Henry Marigold does she really find that type of person repulsive.
Similarly, when RWBY reunites, she feels love like she has only really felt before in Klein, who loves her like a daughter and because it is his job. This is true, unconditional love, and she doesn’t know what to do. So, she does nothing, and accepts it as what it is.
Blake Belladonna*
Bisexual / Homosexual
Dated Adam (regrets for rest of life) = Likes Guys
In love with Yang = Like Girls
Put ‘em together = Bisexual
Though, as mentioned, I’d have to say she leans more towards Homosexual in my mind as tome progresses. Maybe that’s just how much she and Yang seem to gravitate towards each other recently, but I think that there’s really no one else for Blake.
Yang Xiao Long
Punsexual / Homosexual
Sexually attracted to the greatest pun in the room.
… Providing it was a girl said the pun.
I see Yang as once having aboyfriend at Signal when she was much younger. This was as she was just *ahem* developing, and she soon learnt that boys are idiots who only wanted one thing, especially aat that age. She would have said something and tried to move on, if not for the fact he said things about Ruby. She got detention that day for breaking his noes with a single punch. Tai was secretly pruod.
That was Yang’s first boyfriend, and one of the soul reasons she hasn’t had a second. Non eof the girls said things to Ruby.
Speaking of, at Beacon with tht one scene EVERYONE seemingly sites as th reason for Yang being bi, yknow “I know I do~”, that’s sisterly banter; it’s a big sister trying to get her younger sibling to interact with others. Plus, Yanf assumed Ruby would be into that. Yang was wrong.
Jaune Arc
Straight
Stupid and blind, but straight. Took after his big sister saphron in that regard - chasing after the girls ;)
She was better atit though.
Nora Valkyrie
Rensexual
NOUN: Capable of romantic and sexual feelings towards people of the name “Lie Ren” exclusively.
Seriously, they wewr made for each other. Nora just persues it more, especially in the Poser / Beacon Era of the show.
Though, outside of that, I say she’s actually Pan(cake)sexual. She seems like someone who doesn’t care at all who she’s with, long as they’re both happy.
Pyrrha Nikos
Straight
Same scenarios as Weiss in her childhood and young tennagey ears, though less confused by the end of it.
Pyrrha had a lot going for her with her skill in the arena. As she made tours and attended various promotional events, people tried to woo her. It didn’t work, and she apologised for it. She wasn't in the wrong, she didn’t like disappointing anyone (it became an automatic response as time went on)
Her mother and father weren’t rich like Schnees were, but they had enough. Pyrrha honestly mad e more than them in three tournament wins than they did in the same time, and that’s not including the fourth win under her belt. So people just wanted to be with Pyrrha for the sake of dating a celebrity, rather than dating and marrying Weiss for the position of near uncontested power.
Then Jaune came along, someone who saw Pyrrha Nikos for her, not “Pyrrha ‘The Golden Girl’ Nikos”, or “Four Time Champion, Pyrrha Nikos”, or “the next teenager whose life I’m going to completely tear asunder and condemn to a life of solitude and pain.”
She loved being around him because he was genuine, if a bit slow on noticing. And for those brief final minutes of her life, she was happy to have found him.
Lie Ren
Straight
Nora wont let him be anything else.
Nah, he’s had Nora with him for a very long time, longer than his own parents. They’d technically been dating since they were old enough to know about it.
Another HC I have about Ren was that he had an endgoal in mind when attending Beacon. The Grimm that killed his parents needed to die. So he became stronger to join Beacon, then deal with it upon graduation. It’s why he held Nora’s hand after Kuroyuri and not vice versa - the thing he’d been after was gone, and a weight was off his shoulders. He didn’t need to worry, and he could live a life again.
Oscar Pine
Straight, BUUUUUUUUUUUUT...
He’s a young child with a man born in the First Age of Humanity locked inside his head.
Ignoring Ozpin’s presence, I’d pair him with Ruby.
Otherwise, no.
Sun Wukong* / Neptune Vasilias
Straight
I adore Sea Monkeys. It’s a guilty ship of mine. But they’re straight. Sun followed his boner after Blake, and Neptune is a serial flirter. Even with...
Ilia Amitola*
Homosexual
She needed mentioning, for obvious reasons.
Personallu, even with my Faubus HC of them all being Bi still holding fast, Ilia is one of the other canon exceptions to the rule. She really wouldn’t want to be with anyone other than another girl. If push came to shove and she had to be in a poly, lest lose her girlfriend to a man, she would let her date him whilst she herself still dated her, but she would not date him personally.
“I’m Ilia. This is my girlfriend Gretta. And this is Gretta’s boyfriend, David.”
This, she’d allow. She wouldn’t enjoy it, but she’d allow it.
Emerald Sustrai
Straight, yet Bi-Curious
I see it as Emerald not knowing what she is to anyone. She has only let one person really close, and that was Cinder. Cinder treated her like a kid, sure. But growing up without that parental figure made her look up to the Maiden to Be as that sort of figure. As time moved on, Emerald was wondering if these feeling were growing more into something romantic.
She never acted on those feelings in case things went south and that was Cinder gone from her ife forever or her own life gone forever. Still, she is unsure. Even now, as SPOILERS HERE, CANNOT WRITE
Cinder Fall
Sorry, I just love this GIF, I had to use it.
Whatever she needed to be
It always seemed to me that Cinder would do whatever she wanted or needed to get information. It never seemed below her to use her looks and charm to work her way into where she needed to be. Some dude wanted to turn on the charm? Sure, let’s see what he’ll spill. A woman flirting with her at a bar? Well, if she’s got something of use to her - physical possession or pertinent knowledge - then might as well flirt back.
Honestly, I couldn’t classify her if I tried. I’m sure there’s something that would describe how I think she is. Drunk me doesn't knoe shit.
No romantic connection to anyone, but will seek a sexual partner of either gender if the need arises.
Aaand, that’s everyone I care about writing this for.
Have a happy new Year y’all!
#rwby#ruby rose#weiss schnee#blake belladonna#yang xiao long#Team RWBY#jaune arc#nora valkyrie#pyrrha nikos#lie ren#Team JNPR#oscar pine#sun wukong#neptune vasilias#ilia amitola#emerald sustrai#cinder fall
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Sexuality: No More to say and so over it
A few months after my long term girlfriend and I split up, I ended up in bed with Phillip, A nice guy that I’d known for some time. During the post-sex talk, he turns and asks “So does that mean you’re straight now?”
“LMFAO”
‘You’ve got a nice cock and I had a great orgasm, …..but you haven’t awoken anything in me that wasn’t already there. You cannot ‘make’ me straight and no one forced me to fuck you’
Infact, No one else would sexually awaken anything in me. Not the next guy after Phil, or the guy after that guy, or the girl after the guy after Phil. The list goes on and the list started waaaay back into my early teens. I've always been open, I was experimenting with drugs and people at a young age, I had a threesome with a guy and a girl when I was just 18. When I look back, I must admit that was very young for such an experience, but I just went with the flow. I don’t regret it, but I wish I had done it at a later age to really make the most of it and have the emotional maturity that you need to go with it.
I’ve been listening to an interview with Kate Pierson (B52’s) and she has recently married her long term partner, a woman that she has dated for 15 years. She said that she had always dated men, and was even married before and that this lady came along and bang she was in love, just like that. Kate Pierson is now 71, So this is her 55-year-old self experiencing a major transition and shift in her life. Whilst trawling through the B52s back catalog online I read so many comments from random fans. ‘She's a lesbian’ ‘I never knew’ ‘But she was married to so and so’ and this is exactly the snooze fest that I am writing about today. Yawn...... If she spent 40 years with different men and now met a woman, perhaps shes just er just bisexual? And more importantly, shouldn’t we be interested in the music and her voice? As much as I love her, when all is said and done I don’t really want to think about the bedroom antics of a 71-year-old yknow.
What is it with the labels?
It’s like no one is comfortable until they know exactly which box you belong in, and if you stray from that box then their tiny minds scramble and system overload occurs. ‘ANNOUNCE YOURSELF AT ONCE’ ‘What are you?’ and ‘Don’t you dare have options or change, it doesn’t fit with the label I’ve prescribed you’.
Before we label Kate a lesbian, how about we mention that she’s a brilliant talented vocalist with over 40 years in the band? Or is that how we are defining her now ‘The lesbian’?. *Insert laughing emoji here*
“Bisexuals always get dumped on,” says Cynthia Nixon from Sex in the City...The Media has too labeled her a lesbian when much like Kate Pierson, she was in fact with men and entered into this new world later on in her life. It’s like now we must erase her whole previous life and deny that any man has ever come close to her! How dare she now turnaround and say she's’ attracted to men! How fucking dare she, she’s lesbian property now and she has no voice! She never said she was anything, You did!
I thought, ‘I get it! I get You, I just get it’. She’s attracted to people, they may be male or they may be female yet shes being kettled to a place she never asked to be. It really is that simple. Should her current relationship end, nothing stops her going back to men, dating another woman or even staying single. Your past partners do not mean that your future self is set in stone. It’s not difficult to understand really is it?
But! And there is a But!
Say Cinthia and her gf/wife did break up and she dated a man. She won’t find it that easy, because of what I call, the whole ‘lesbian fragility’ - Gay women who pride themselves on being with women and only women and god fucking forbid should you show any interest in a guy. Well, You are now damaged goods my girl. A sell-out, banished!....exiled from the pride....like the Lioness in last weeks BBC Planet Earth. How can you and the gay community ever really watch the L Word again together or listen to Ani Difranco in the same way? ‘It’s just not the same’ they’ll whine.
I’m being serious. There is a reverse discrimination within the gay community! I’ve seen it first hand. I’ve seen a few women in same sex relationships end, then go for a guy and their ‘friends’ no longer feel the same way about them, there’s no time to hang out anymore and she is “too busy with her straight friends”.
Awwwww did someone emasculate you?
I’ve never really enjoyed the company of gay women if I'm honest. I always found their friendships forged on sharing of sexual preference rather than common interest, views or hobbies. I usually think their haircuts are shit and they present me with this feeling where they are unsure if they want to fuck me or fight me. Very awkward, not to mention its a very childish and incestuous scene.
I have seen this so many times with women, either in a same sex or opposite and then switch later on down the line which is what I mean about experience and just understanding those around you. I think a lot of women are on the bi spectrum. Not all, no, but a lot are, and sexuality is fluid. About three months ago my cock hungry straight friend told me she’d met some woman online and is now having the best sex of her life! Great, wonderful, Whoppie. So how do I label her? …....‘Err Mary’......... I label her Mary. I can’t really call her cock hungry right now, so I’ll just label her ‘Hungry Mary’.
One of my oldest friends is gay – full blown lesbian, never been with a guy but totally cool with every bi girl that has. She and I sit on a different part of the spectrum, but she gets it and like myself she gives those around her that mutual respect and safe space to be who they are. If she turned around tomorrow and said she’s dating a guy, I wouldn’t be shocked, not because she has ever indicated that she likes guys, but simply because people change.
I know three guys that have also experimented with other guys, would identify as straight and two of the three have long term girlfriends and kids. I just think at the time they took the ‘any holes a goal’ attitude and like my younger self, just went with the flow.
As we age and grow the fuck up, this should be more accepted and we should just allow people to do who and what they want without the questions, especially the silly questions. It’s really mind numbingly boring, not to mention so nosey!? Jeez, get your own life in order. Despite my ramblings, I'm actually a pretty private person. I just don’t discuss my private life or anyone I’m dating, I have so many transient non-committal interactions with people that I just don’t feel I need to.
I’ve been chatting to some people for ages, and I still wouldn’t discuss parts of my life with them. I keep my circle so small, and If we don’t click like that, we don’t click like that. It’s cool, because there is far more to me and far more to you than who we have in our beds right? I cant imagine meeting someone and asking them, “so what are ya?” CRINGE. I’d die. I’ve got some friends that I’ve spoken to for years, we’ve had really great conversations and it’s never occurred to me to stop and ask ‘do you have a partner? Are you gay?’
The small circle of friends that I have know me, they get me and that’s my safe space.
I do find some of the questions and statements really annoying, and if I’m honest just plain weird. I have an irritating male friend in that likes to continually remind me that I’m attracted to women, and of course, there is no way that I can be attracted to men, because I’m not attracted to him..... *eye roll* Dick! It’s like me saying to someone, ‘but you said you like mixed raced girls, so why don’t you like me’ it’s really really weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Its uncomfortable because he cannot address or acknowledge his own fascination with bisexuality and cannot stop mentioning it every time he sees me? He makes out he is cool and open-minded, yet I seem to be the topic of convo or butt of his jokes. Address your homophobia or your weird unrequited sexualisation of me whatever the issue is. Seek help mate, Your issue not mine.
I cannot recall being asked what two women do in bed, but I have heard of it being asked to other people. It’s hilarious. I honestly believe that if you are over 25 and cannot work that out then you have a really dull imagination and I’d bet you are not very experienced. Not necessarily in bedding two women at once, but just in experiencing people; hearing their stories, watching porn, understanding their anatomy and physiology. OR You are being a menace and condescending..... I’ve never seen two men at it live, but I’m pretty sure I know how it goes down ;-)
Sometime ago I spent a fair amount of time at a bdsm sex dungeon helping out an old friend. Id mostly film her sessions, and now and then Id help out by giving some guys the odd little kick in the nuts etc. Boy, I could write a whole new blog on that experience LOL! I saw some things!
Meeting all the different types of people that came in the dungeon really opened my eyes to the world of sex and sexuality and just what turns people on. You really cannot judge what people are into, and you’d never know. It’s funny, the ‘geezers’ that make the gay jokes about bumming are often the same ones that ask the women to wear strap ons ;-). People have their quirks and their kinks, they just hide it well BELIEVE me.
I’ve seen a lot and I’m very open and not much phases me, but because I’m not phased, or excited by the gossip or the fascination of it all I'm over it. …....over the labels, the questions, the presumptions, opinions and the basic inability to let people do what they want in peace. So because of this I decided a long time ago that I’m actually over my sexuality and stopped speaking about it back in my twenties.
Yawn.
No one owns me and no one dictates.
I’m not anything, I’m just me in that particular point of time. No path is set and I answer to no one except who’s in my bed.
Keep your own truth
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persimin hcs!
so!!!!
u and minho had some Humble Beginnings
u moved to gimpo as a child let’s say around 14, so the start of 8th grade in korea’s school system!!
ur mom has taken up a job offering which required her to transfer there so y’all packed TF UP and YEETED
anyways minho is a year ur senior and usually u wouldn’t see him often yknow cause class differences and he’s a Whole Year Ahead
but!!!! u had conveniently moved into the house across the street!!
15 year old minho kinda just stared at u and ur mom unloading boxes from the window in his living room
of course his mom noticed her son is Weird but he doesn’t just stare outside windows for No Gotdamn Reason
and when she looks outside with her son she just goes “:^)”
“minho!!! why don’t u help them unpack?”
she literally shoves him out the door and closes it saying “be polite!” and minho is just staring at the door like
“i’m running away”
nonetheless he walks over and originally he’s like “i’m okay!!!! i’m just gonna help them unpack and be nice and i’ll go back to my room and pack my shit in some bundles then-“
lol what the fuck is a train of thought???? minho doesn’t know
u noticed him coming over and poked ur mom’s shoulder, saying smth in a language he’d probably kill himself over trying to understand it and u turn back to jog/skip over
wee woo wee woo wee woo wee woo WEE WOO
minho’s kinda just like shutting down lol why is a cute girl suddenly his brain can’t form a single word wait sHES COMING CLOSER FUC-
“hi!!”
we’re here today to grieve the loss of lee minho’s heart
LITERALLY HE JUST FUCKIGN STARES AT U LIKE “( ・∇・)“
AND U LIKE WAVE UR HAND IN HIS FACE LIKE “hello???? sir????”
minho just snaps out of it and grabs the box from ur arms ASKCNALXH
u just stare at him like “dude what the fuck” for 0.2 seconds before ur going after him like “hello?!?!!?!?! WHO ARE U?!?!?!?!!”
he turns around right and u weren’t PREPARED
his smile is brighter than the sun who told god that this was allowed?????
“i’m lee minho, i live across the street and my mom kicked me out of my house to help u unpack!”
he said that so nonchalantly that u just went “(・・?) ur mom kicked u out”
“yeah she does that a lot”
LEE MINHO W H A T
after Unpacking Day u two just naturally stuck together!!!!
u were the new kid at school and minho kinda became ur Guardian Angel
like
seriously he didn’t leave ur side unless it was for class
and after class he’d meet u at ur locker to walk u to ur next period and u just HDJAKFHKADN
it was. scarily easy to develop a crush on ur neighbor like u didn’t even realize it at first tbh
u only noticed it aka it hit u in ur fucking face when he grabbed ur hand in the halls bc it was more crowded than usual
and minho looked back to see if u were holding on and following and when he smiled that rlly toothy sunshine smile?
ur heart melted
of course u didn’t TELL HIM WHAT KINDA CONCEPT IS THAT DENIED! LOCKED IN THE DUNGEON!
it was a few years later that it just slipped FROM HIM
u were in ur junior year and minho a senior
it wasn’t even like a weird day where something different was going on w what u two were doing
like u were just laying on ur bed and minho was on the floor beside it like y’all had done since u first moved across the street
and there was soft lofi music just echoing around ur room quietly right???
minho just kinda sets his notebook aside and pushes his psych book away from him before he starts SLAMMING HIS PALM AGAINST UR MATTRESS
U BOUT NEAR HAD A H E A R T A T T A C K
“WHAT THE FUCK MINHO?!?!?!???!”
but when u see him looking up at u like u put the stars in the sky ur heart just goes “fuck”
“lets get ice cream” but it’s more like a demand cause he’s dragging u off ur bed before u can even comprehend what’s going on
y’all end up at the local ice cream parlor and ur eating ur ice cream and minho’s like trying to eat his but he can’t stop looking at u like
is he rlly gonna..... do this? is he gonna risk losing u? just because he wants - well needs - to get his feelings out there?
yeah lol
“hey, persi.”
when u look @ him from over ur ice cream his heart just melts and he starts malfunctioning JDKANSK
but!!! he must carry on!!!!
“yeah minho???”
“i like u.”
that day in the ice cream parlor changed everything
at least it felt like it did because u two had started dating after that
FAST FORWARD TO PRESENT DAY!!!!
u and minho literally DONT LET EACH OTHER LIVE AJDKSBXKAB
“hey baby can u give soonie a can of tuna or smth?”
“hey baby can u pick up ur fucking laundry?”
“（╹◡╹） i’m sacrificing u to the cat gods”
BUT U GUYS ARE ACTUALLY RLLY CUTE!!!!
when u want to be????
one of minho’s favorite things to do is lock pinkies with u!!!! he loves interlocking fingers when y’all hold hands but!!!!
linking pinkies seems so much more intimate to him he feels so (๑>◡<๑) when ur pinkies are locked together
he doesn’t make it easy to be affectionate LOL
like if u want to kiss him on the nose or cheeks or ANYWHERE he dodges everything like his life depends on it until u just
smoosh his face between ur hands and attack him w kisses
sometimes u wonder if he loves his cats more than u
he does
when he’s in a soft mood tho it’s SO OBVIOUS
he literally stares at u like ♡o｡(๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡
on those days ur lucky if u leave the bed for some snacks cause he won’t let u go
he will never let u go
not until his cuddles quota has been met
going to his dance practices!!!!! and him going to ur presentations/talks for ur history classes!!!!!
both of u just go (๑♡⌓♡๑) the ENTIRE TIME when ur at smth the other loves doing
ur always there to cheer him on for his local dance competitions w his team and he’s always there to support u when u have a big presentation in one of ur classes!!!!
he lowkey like breaks into the classroom to watch but the kids in ur class know he’s the Supportive Boyfie so they cover for him
kissing attacks after either of u finish ur Big Moment? inevitable!
minho loves u so much like wtf he would drop kick the president of korea for u
u thought this would be just fluff
well
(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
lol we are ALL aware of the scorpio energy that literally RADIATES from minho’s natal chart
this comes out OH DOES IT COME OUT
ur like vvv submissive and minho Knows This and he Takes Full Advantage over it
lol when u accidentally let it slip One Night that u like being tied up and degraded minho just goes “oh rlly?” and ur like “yah lol” and then ur like “( ﾟдﾟ) oh no” and minho’s like “:^)”
okay he doesn’t like using rope rope to tie u up u feel???? he’s v much a scorpio radiating man but he prefers using silk to tie ur wrists together uwu
when he’s degrading u he either calls u his dirty little cumslut or his babygirl there’s no inbetween
when he pulls out the former u know it’s gonna be a Long Night because when he REALLY pulls out the dirty talk he’s going ALL OUT BOYS
he likes leaving hickeys anywhere he can honestly ur lucky if ur entire body isn’t covered in them the next morning
oh yeah he’s a dancer too so u already KNOW he knows how to use his hips and he has hella stamina u could be on the verge of tears cause ur so DEAD
but minho’s like. barely broken a sweat and he’s all :) i’m not done yet babygirl :)
also he’s a god at eating u out like he’s RLLY good at it but what do u expect that boy can...... rlly go all out..........
aftercare is such a soft thing w him tho!!!!
he’s not always real good w being overly affectionate but after sex he really tries his best
he’ll run a bath for u and do whatever he can to make sure ur a1 and all glowy and happy
BACK TO THE SUGAR
he’s not good with his words and he much rather prefers to show his love for u through small actions
little love letters, small notes around the apartment for u, bringing home ur favorite flowers and peach tea for u after a Long Day At Uni, all of it!!!
u two know that u love each other more than there are stars in the sky, so u don’t tend to say “i love u” like ur life depends on it
on days where ur mental health seems to eat u from the inside out, minho’s there to hold u and do what u want or need
but sometimes just being in his arms is enough to ground u and help u feel just a little bit better
minho’s just always thankful that u moved across the street from his childhood home all those years ago
and he’s so thankful his mom pushed him outside to help u and ur mom unpack because without that
he wouldn’t have met his soulmate, the love of his life
and when he pulls out a small box like it’s nothing and slides it to ur side of the table during one of ur guys’ anniversary dinners
and when he watches u open it and tear up before looking at him and just going “jesus fuck of course i will minho”
he knows there could’ve never been anyone else for him.
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Hey I am an ace as well and I was just wondering how you deal with friends wondering why you don’t date/ or feel sexual attraction to people.... like it just doesn’t cross my mind but I’m bad at explaining
i’m lucky in that most of my close friends are accepting of my asexuality and it isn’t an issue. like any of my other boundaries, they are respected. it’s really my family, and people who aren’t very close to me, who don’t understand. I’ve only brought it up with my family once or twice and they’ve been very dismissive of it, so I’m not exactly open with them about it. i wasn’t planning to tell them at all, but my mom confronted me in the car and forced me to come out to her. i tried bringing it up with my sister and brother, and my sister said “you just need to find the right man”. i told her, “well maybe you’re bi and you just need to find the right woman.” then she went onto some tangent about how she thought she was “broken” until she met her boyfriend at the time, who was allegedly very good at oral sex. so, yknow, more of the same bullshit we always get.
my parents make comments about “when” I “find a man” or “start a family”, then stammer “—i-if you want to, I mean, if that’s what you want to do—” as an aside. they continually ask if i “met anyone”, or, when I do meet new people (usually men) if I am “interested”. my ex girlfriend flew out to see me and spent a week at my house (i live with my parents) but my family is still fairly ignorant of my bi identity, and I don’t really have the constitution to care to remind them. (or, it becomes an issue of “well youre not even dating anyone so what does it matter?” as if everyone’s orientations are of no import if they’re single.)
my main mode of coping is deflection; I’ll focus instead on the attributes the people around me are attracted to and agree on just an aesthetic principle. like there was a time where a new guy started working at the coffee cart at my old job, and all of my coworkers were fawning over how hot he was. i asked them to point him out to me sometime (which made them think i was interested), as i didnt really see anyone of particular attractiveness enter the ranks. when i finally ran into him, i agreed that he looked like a pleasant guy, then made a joke about how he “looks like he coaches a youth swimming team”. my coworkers all found it hilarious, and it wasn’t any insult to the guy at all, AND it deflected them from asking my opinion on his ‘hotness’. it was ambiguous enough that they could still assume i was straight.
it’s very rare that anyone asks me about my personal preferences, but if they do i usually cop out with traits i find aesthetically pleasing. or i deflect by turning it into a joke, or being self-deprecating, or both. (”i’m pushing 30 and still get acne; who wants to date that?” which then becomes a still-awkward but less vulnerable conversation full of well-intentioned but misguided attempts at skincare advice, like “just use soap and water :)”.)
sometimes i am in a situation where i can be open about my ace identity and there are many who bristle against it, but i try to stand my ground. i have lost people who i previously considered friends because i said that regardless of my partner’s gender, i was still asexual. they were of the opinion that “aces are lgbt except cishet aces”, which to me is as dumb as excluding cis bi people if theyre in a het relationship (which is something people actually do, lol. biphobia is still alive and well). because, as i had told them, i was still pretty blatantly ace even when i had boyfriends as when i had a girlfriend. i knew i was ace as young as 12 years old when i went around telling people i had “ithyphallophobia”, or the fear of an erect penis [which, if i’m being real, i kind of actually have]. me having boyfriends didn’t invalidate my ace identity, in the same way many people can go nearly their entire lives in het relationships and later come out as gay. the “gold star” standard is harmful to all.
i am lucky to live in a pretty progressive, metropolitan area and belong to a fairly open subculture where love is interpreted in many different ways. but i still yearn for representation and acceptance regardless, as many fundamentals of asexuality are misunderstood.
i think often about musician and poet Patti Smith and her relationship with photographer and artist Robert Mapplethorpe. the two of them were a couple, intimate beyond measure, for many years. as mapplethorpe learned more about himself and his interests, the two eventually separated as a couple, and Mapplethorpe identified as gay. he had many partners and a very close and intimate relationship with his curator and mentor, Sam Wagstaff, for well over a decade. but he still maintained a very close relationship with Patti Smith. granted, this was the 70s and 80s, so the cultural climate was a bit different; wagstaff and mapplethorpe couldn’t be too open about their relationship, but that isn’t why patti smith was still in the picture. she wasn’t just a “best friend”; she was a life partner for him, truly. she visited Mapplethorpe in the hospital as he was fighting AIDS, and was one of the last people he spoke with before his death. she was a close and inseparable part of his life. patti smith writes in her book “Just Kids” that she woke up the next morning and instantly knew that he had passed.
i mention this because people love to ridicule the concepts of quasi- or queerplatonic relationships (also called zucchinis in the ace community) specifically because they’re considered applicable only to aces. but for all intents and purposes, patti smith and robert mapplethorpe were zucchinis. they were life partners in a way that was not as simply cut and dry as just “friends” or “partners”; both mapplethorpe and patti smith had other intimate, romantic, and sexual relationships in addition to the relationship they had with one another, independent of any kind of “polyamorous” context. they had a unique bond that endured until mapplethorpe’s death.
the isn’t to say that mapplethorpe or patti smith would have identified as zucchinis or anything like that. their relationship already existed as it was, regardless of whether or not they had a name for it, but to deny communities the new vocabulary to talk about these unique experiences is to erase their significance and magnitude. there are many experiences of the ace community and the rest of the lgbtqia community that overlap, and to disown new ideas and concepts just because they are primarily targeted as being ‘asexual’ hurts the rest of the community, as well as the rest of society. dismissing patti smith’s role in mapplethorpe’s life—and his role in hers—purely on the basis of their declared identities and their applicable roles is disingenuous to both parties and narrows our perception of the vastness of human connection.
part of acknowledging asexuality is acknowledging the diversity and strata of human relationships, yet this seems like a conversation that a lot of people seem averse to having. hopefully once these ideas become more commonplace, we wont be stuck having to explain or hide ourselves so much.
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Keep Moving Forward
It’s December. Yknow what that means! Let’s reflect on the year. When I made a post like this last year, it was a hopeful thing. I was excited about the coming year, because I was excited that I’d finally met some people I could hang out with. I love Alea and Brooke to the moon and back, but only having two friends for most of my life is not the best. As much as I denied it for years, my mum’s right. I’m very social. I have social anxiety. But I am a very social person. So, if you wanna read about all that, it’s under a read more. Cause fucking hell did this get long.
So, this year started and I was single, I was in Unity, I was in school, and I was living with my parents. By May I was not single and I was not in Unity. Shortly after that- because end of the semester and stuff and things happening- I was no longer in school or living with my parents. At this point in the year, I’m still not single, nor in Unity (as I doubt I’ll ever go back. To the troupe at least, I absolutely wanna go back to taking classes), or in school. But I have plans to go back to school. I’m halfway to being able to afford a car, and then saving for an apartment, so Sammy and I can go to Cleveland. Because I wanna be close to my friends. I don’t like most of the people I live with presently, and neither does Sam. So we’re gonna move out in July when the lease is up on our place.
When I made this post last year, I talked about the only table top rpgs I’d played was a D&D 5e oneshot, a game of Roll for Shoes, and was just then stepping into a campaign. Needless to say, that changed. A lot. I’ve played West Marches to it’s end. I’ve been in Alex’s Pathfinder campaign for a year. I spent a semester in Andrew’s Pathfinder campaign (and met my girlfriend through that). I’ve spent two semesters in Jacob’s 5e campaign. I’ve started a campaign of my own at Breakout to get those people into D&D. I’ve gone so far with this, and I love it. I love every second of it.
I also mentioned that I’d kinda started in Magic, but hadn’t put any money towards it. That didn’t last either. I’ve built my own custom deck, and that def required spending money. Once Andrew got me a starter deck it was downhill from there. I don’t play a ton, but Magic def did get my interest.
Last year I kinda just made lil shoutouts to Scott, Trevi, and Andrew. But this year I have so many more people to talk about, and to be thankful for. Because they’re not just new people that I’m kinda sorta friends with. They’re my family. So lemme go through this. Lemme take a bit, to talk about this gaggle of people I’ve found, that I love.
It’s primarily the Pathfinder group. The original Pathfinder group. Alex, Jacob, Andrew, Thomas, Susannah, Molly, and Will. Most of these people are also the people in West Marches, but there are some West Marches people that aren’t in Pathfinder. People like Joey and Adriana, Freddie, Michael, and of course, Trevi and Scott. Now, to go into detail about the specific people, and why I love them.
Alex is just, great. I don’t always feel like I’m super close with him, but he does pay attention to everyone in the group. We recently had a session that really hit that fact home. It was a Christmas session, because it’s December what else are we gonna do? Each of our characters had gifts, and these gifts meant something to each of us. Outside of games though, he’s just as attentive. He’s always supportive, and very understanding of when people need distance or aid. He’s encouraging, and frankly I’m not sure I’ve ever heard him say something bad against anyone. Ambiguous maybe, but never bad.
Jacob- fucking hell this guy. He’s literally the sweetest man I’ve ever met. He’s always trying to help, and encourage people. If he knows he’s done something wrong he apologizes and does whatever it takes to fix it. He knows I’m short on money, so whenever I’m around he’s always offering to buy me food- or just straight up give me his food. He even bought Sammy’s Christmas present for me, because I’m just too broke to do it. I don’t understand how someone can be that selfless?? Jacob wtf?? You’re too good??
Andrew. What an asshole. I love him though. He- quite frankly- is half the reason I’m so close with the Pathfinder group. I befriended him easier than I befriended the others. He’s the one that got me into Pathfinder. At first he seems quiet, and kinda apathetic, he’s incredibly forgetful. But he cares. I got scared one time that I’d fucked up a friendship, and in his awkward Andrew way, he gave me 3 Magic cards and a hug as comfort. It may not sound like much, but giving away Magic cards is a big deal for Andrew. This nerd is also the reason I met my girlfriend, so yknow.
Admittedly, I’m not as close with Thomas as I am some of the others. His personality clashes with mine, so I don’t typically talk to him one on one. But he’s part of the group. We all poke fun at him, but we all poke fun at everyone. This family of ours wouldn’t be the same without him. It’d be too quiet.
Susannah is a darling. I haven’t seen her as much recently, because she dropped out of the Pathfinder campaign, and I haven’t been at school. But we still talk from time to time here on tumblr, or the very rare occasion we see each other on campus we always stop to give each other a hug and say hello. Because our friend group had a hellish spaghetti mess of relationships, and we had a good relationship through that. The guy I liked liked her, and it was kinda rough, but we just helped each other. Then when that spaghetti mess was over, and I was getting with Sammy, she was one of the people I’d text like “Holy shit Sam is so cute HELP”
Molly is the best. She- like Susannah- isn’t in Pathfinder this semester, so I haven’t seen her as much. But she had a similar position in the spaghetti mess but without being so tied to me. She just was right next to Susannah and was super supportive as well. She was the other person I texted about Sam. Cause group chats. I’d text her and Susannah together. But even though we don’t see each other a ton, we’re still close. Hell we’re looking at getting an apartment together next summer.
I really never think I’m that close to Will. He’s very quiet, and he’s not very affectionate, so it’s sometimes hard to tell if he actually likes being around people or he’s just dealing with us. But, after a year of being around him, I’m pretty sure he does actually like us. I think he’s just introverted. He doesn’t want to get in people’s way, so he sits to the side and is quiet. But also, his character in Pathfinder was 110% tryna get another PC laid and Will and Susannah both were willing to let me in on that. So, yeah, pretty sure Will is cool with me. We just have different ways of showing that.
Joey and Adriana I’ll talk about together, because I swear these two are inseparable. When I first met them I thought they were dating, but no they’re just very affectionate- and I can’t blame them for that. I’m the same way with Scott and Trevi. I’ve still not gotten to talk to them a ton, but the conversations I’ve had with them have been good. They seem very light hearted on the surface, just comparing ourselves to our characters, but really that says a lot about us.
Freddie and Michael, I’ll also put together. Not because they’re together all the time, but because I have less to say about them. I don’t know either as well, but they’re both very warm people. It’s easy to become friends with these two. Freddie loves to rub my hair, cause of course half of it is shaved. Michael’s just akin to a ray of sunshine tbh.
Trevi. Where do I even start? To just say you’re my friend isn’t enough. You’re more than that. You’re fun to be around and talk to, and dance with. You’re relatable and silly and serious and helpful and supportive. You’ve given me a place to sleep when I was too tired to go home. When you graduated I was terrified of you leaving, either going back home or going out to Cali to get a doctorate, cause I knew you’d talked about it. I didn’t wanna lose you. I’d just gotten to know you. Then you stayed here, and I’m glad. Cause you’re my friend and I love you. A couple weeks ago as you were leaving you signed “I love you”. You had your back turned but there was a window in front of you, so idk if you saw, but I signed it back. Cause I really do.
Now Scott. You sir, have literally changed my life. I would not have met most of the people I’ve talked about. I’d have met Trevi, but without D&D as a common ground, idk that we’d have ended up so close. So thank you, for introducing me to D&D. Thank you for being my DM. Because honestly, no matter how many DMs I have, no matter how great they are. You will always be my DM, because you were the first. And now, you’re graduating. You’re leaving school, and you’re going to Columbia. I’m gonna miss you. As selfish as it is, I don’t want you to leave. I’m glad you’re going to keep moving forward, as we all should. But fucking hell will I miss you. You’ve led me on adventures, fighting monsters and demons, I’ve made pacts with Eldritch gods and become War itself. So you go. You go, live your adventures. Write your stories and play your parts. Keep Moving Forward. But you better get your ass back here and visit from time to time okay? Cause I’m gonna miss you. I’m gonna miss your free hugs, and the meowing, and the hair ruffles, and hugs so tight I feel like you’re bout to crack a rib, and the games, and the stories, and just everything. I’m gonna miss you, and I love you.
This past year, and every one of the people I’ve mentioned have changed me. There’s more people I could talk about. Alea, and Brooke, and Tommy, and Sammy, and Tahli, and Sebastian, and Kenna. My actual family. My cousin and my best friend, who I don’t feel the need to write about, because duh I appreciate them. Duh I love them. Tommy and Sammy who’ve both had their own impacts. Who have both changed my life in their own ways. Then Tahli, Kenna, and Sebastian. My nieces and nephew. Tahli, who wormed her way into my heart in an instant, and got me to a place where I actually cared for the other two. Because for so long I shrugged at Kenna. She lives across the country she’s not gonna know me. But then when Sebastian came along, I was so used to Tahli and her reaction any time I walk in the door. Then Sebastian got hurt, and it wrecked me. Because no, he’s tiny, he’s fragile, this shouldn’t happen to a six month old baby. I was so scared to hold him at Thanksgiving because I didn’t want to hurt him.
I just. I love my friends. I love that I can say that. Because two years ago I hardly had friends to love, and I certainly didn’t feel like they should love me back. Last year I had a few more friends, and I was feeling a bit better about myself. But this year I’ve realized. It’s not just that I have friends that I love. But that they love me just as much. During intermediate acting Abby called me a yankee candle, cause I apparently had a warm, homey, aura. I felt like that was weird, cause I’m so used to being Shadow. I’m used to being ignore, glanced over. But then suddenly, I have friends that won’t do that. Friends that pay attention and love me. I’m still not sure how to handle that, but I’m doing the best I can.
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I am annoyed, with myself, and the universe. I think I’m a bit of a jealous person, and I’ve been trying to find the root of it for a good part of the day. I read that jealously is the root of insecurities in yourself, but I just don’t seem to resonate with that. I’m confused and I want to understand my own emotions so I can keep them from consuming me. I don’t know if I say I’m not insecure but secretly am, or if I’m not insecure and it’s something else. I feel like I am confortable in who I am: what my goals are, what I stand for, what things I like, what things I need from others, etc. I feel secure in that, and I also know my worth. I know I bring a lot t the table relationship wise and friend wise. The only insecurity I have is with my career and academic ability. Yet my jealousy is a romantic jealousy. I think the jealousy comes from not feeling appreciated, or seen for the greatness that I am. From feeling like I’m just a cog in the machine that is his life when I should be way more. I don’t blend in with the rest of the nonchalant things in your life. I deserve to be sought out for things not me seeking you out every single time. Not that my person is appreciating or doting on anyone else or anything like that, but is it simply a lack of what I’m getting that is enough to make me feel jealousy? What am I jealous of? My person doesn’t give attention to or is around other girls so I don’t ever worry about his faithfulness yet when he’s MIA for a bit or goes on a boys trip with friends or is out late I get sort of jealous. I know there’s nothing to be jealous of because he’s not doing anything wrong but is it a general person jealous that’s being masked as romantic/sexual jealousy simply because we’re dating? I feel crazy because I can’t pinpoint what it is that gets me feeling so annoyed. There’s nothing to question or worry about yet whenever I feel annoyed I want an immediate answer. Like today, I called earlier and he was driving and asked if he could call me back later and I said sure. That was like 3 hours ago and my roommate is on her way home from school and the timeline would fit if he might be driving them home which is why it’s been so long since he said he’d call back. My roommate is one of my best friends and has a boyfriend who none of us really like anymore since he did her dirty & my person especially is annoyed with her for acting dumb.
Point is, I’ve never once felt weird about them being close or friends and there’s absolutely no threat to them hanging out especially since we all live in the same hometown, yet the fact that I’m not sure if they’re driving home somehow annoys me. That if he was why wouldn’t he just be like I’m going home to nova and taking Cindy too? Idk I feel like I’m being psycho but like WHY does that bug me? Why does it have me constantly checking my phone to see if he’s gonna call back or text? He was literally just doing work at home yet when I had an incling that the timelines and situations matched up I stay assuming. It’s so annoying and stupid but I can’t seem to make it stop. Where is this coming from? Am I just a control freak who wants to know everything all the time? Am I super jealous? I’m trying to find within myself what is causing this so I can get the hell over it because it’s annoying as anything. I’m better than this and it’s frustrating to think I can feel these things without reason. I understand how irrational it sounds, I understand that it seems crazy, but I don’t know how to push the feeling out of my head yknow? Step one is to feel, step two is to acknowledge if it’s rational or not and step three is to act on it or push it out of your mind. I’m stuck between two and three. I recognize it’s not always founded, and I end up making mountains out of mole hills, but I can’t push the feelings out. I also noticed that when I DID assume something that wasn’t true, I usually have a mound of other similar things I didn’t act on that this misheard or misjudged incident ends up being the straw that broke the camels back and a bunch of emotions just flare up over something that wasn’t true so I look crazy. Yet sometimes there’s a valid concern that just doesn’t happen to apply to the incident im causing a scene over. Does any of that make sense? I feel a bit on the crazier end of the spectrum and I just want to learn how to control it before I end up getting out of hand I guess. Trynna keep a more level head on my shoulders and not be so explosive.
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30/01/2021 - Stress and Anxiety.
Been a while since I posted on this blog in particular. I usually use my private Twitter to vent but I feel this may be best written in one entire post.
I guess this is going to be an appreciation post, for myself.
I am constantly stressing and worrying about things I’ve done in the past, how people view me, and then other such issues like money, creating and adding to my portfolio, finding jobs for my placement year, university grades, coursework, my side hobbies like learning a language and working out. I worry about these things a lot. It’s a lot to maintain in my daily life.. and then there’s my biggest worry and cause of stress: my boyfriend and love.
More recently I’ve been stressed because of my sleep habits. I seem to keep waking up for no utter reason. Feeling very tired. Feeling like I’m choking on air or something? Maybe I have sleep apnea? Who knows. I haven’t been diagnosed or anything.
Some friends I’ve spoken to have said they are really proud of me for how I’m handling all these worries and stress. Especially considering I’ve been ditched by my boyfriend with no closure whatsoever, just constantly wondering if he even still wants to be in a relationship with me or not... and it’s been like that for over a month now. He won’t give me closure. He keeps disappearing, and I’m not sure why.
At this point I can’t afford to waste my energy thinking about him. Like, sure, last year I fell in love with that boy. I thought he was amazing. Sweet. Funny. Cute. Adorable. Heart of gold. And at times in 2020, he hurt me, and it happened a final time over the Christmas period that I’m still reeling over. He made a remark about something I had a legit anxiety attack over in a public server, and of course I exploded at him for doing that. The alcohol probably didn’t help. I told him ‘my friends used to tell me I deserve better, and I never used to believe it, but now I do.’ - and that’s what I said that seemingly caused his long absence. He was put on new meds and has stopped taking them.. apparently.. I can’t really trust anything he says.
I guess it’s not the end of the world if him and I don’t work out, but I just need to know the answer sooner rather than later. Sometimes I wish I could just call an end to it myself. But anyway, enough about him, he doesn’t deserve my energy after what he put me through. He is a sweetheart and I love him, but this is not going to be something I’ll find forgiving when he returns. Anyway, plenty more cuties out there who I will meet. Loyal ones. A real lad. One who can communicate rather than run away and ignore me.
Anyway.. about me. 2020 was not a perfect year for me. I made quite a few mistakes. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of almost 5 years, which was huge for me. That took a crazy amount of courage. And I feel that.. the circumstances were unfortunate, but I’m proud of myself for making that decision and genuinely believe it was for the best. As does he now that some time has passed. I fell in love with my current boyfriend and all things was okay for a bit. Until he ditched me because I wanted to play with these new friends. Deleted me. Blocked me everywhere. Abandoned me. And then complains when someone out of the blue comes around and comforts me and treats me right. Yknow, for a long time I used to feel super bad about that.. because it hurt my current boyfriend.. but that was him trying to guilt trip me I swear. He broke up with me. Of course I was going to go with someone. Just I happened to do it quickly.
I got my karma though. The one who was comforting me was not for me. I couldn’t feel genuine emotions for him, I didn’t love him. So after 3 months or so, we split up and ended all communication. That was a move I was dreading for a very long time, so I’m very proud of myself for coughing up the courage to be able to not let it drag on. I wish I stuck to what I said with him though, that I was going to remain single for a while so I get my head straight.. heh.. if I did that, I wouldn’t be feeling so hurt and stressed out right now! I’d be a lot better I imagine.
So yes, after all that, it felt shit for a while. I felt so lonely. Didn’t have many friends. My ex had his bf (now ex-bf) in his room quite often and I would hear and see them having fun. No jealousy in me really.. just felt strange. Like how quickly things can change in a year. I’m proud of myself for getting through that time period where I really felt like I was on my own. I got through it, albeit with the assistance of alcohol and a good friend of mine that I know online.
2020 was the year I cracked my group chat anxiety. I used to be scared to play games and participate in voice chats with my friends online because I would have really bad anxiety. But now I enjoy doing it so much. And I genuinely feel like this has had a great benefit of how I will be in real life too. I am yet to put it to the test! But that is one of the greatest things i’m proud of. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to do all that. Most times at the start with the assistance of alcohol, but more recently, no alcohol needed. I am anxious for a few mins, and then I start to mellow out.
More recently I’ve made a lot more friends and tried to put a lot more effort in. And I feel this is something I should be proud of. Even at rock bottom, I still am determined to fix things. That’s one thing I’ll praise myself on: persistence and dedication.
I’ve learnt so much about love, emotions and relationships the past year. I feel that as much as this all hurt me, I will be a better man as a result of all this. I have more experience now. I know what to do next time. I know how to avoid being hurt. I’m proud that I am keeping up with my university work and portfolio stuff, my workouts and Spanish work also, despite all this going on. Despite barely sleeping recently because of my anxiety and stress. I am proud that I still know what’s important and I’m trying to maintain my composure.
2021 then.. going to be a great year. I feel it. Starting off a bit rocky.. but I need to see what happens with my current lad. Most likely end up breaking it off. And tbh, I don’t think I’ll need much preparation for that. I’m going to try new things. Experiment. I might try a dating app at some point in the summer... see about getting a placement for next year and have a great time next year. My family is in good health. I am in good health for the most part.. I have gained quite a few friends and some are doing a great job at looking after me.
Things are good. I am letting a 27 year old man, who is acting like a 12 year old, make me feel like shit. Like no. I can’t let him dominate my mind like this. I deserve better than that. I must make it a challenge to NOT think about him so much in the night time when trying to sleep. He’s probably the reason why I can’t even sleep well. So, it’s February in a couple days. Lets leave all that shit behind in January. No more thinking about him so much in the nights. No more losing countless hours of sleep. More enjoying the present moment. More stepping outside my comfort zone. Spending time with friends and family. That’s whats important. Making memories. Having fun. No stress or anxiety, just good vibes.
I shouldn’t worry about money either. That’s all sorted. I most likely am not going to the US now so I can use that money if I struggle. But I’m spending wisely right now. So I will be good! I got some good games that I need to keep playing. Friends I enjoy playing with. Living in my parents house having a good time. Portfolio work will come along smoothly, there is no rush! Same with the coursework, there is no rush! It’s all such early days, and extensions are there for a reason! I don’t want to compare myself to anyone now. Especially not my ex. I need to leave all these unhealthy habits behind in January, so Feb and the months onwards can be better.
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50 Q for Vax... please, I need it
OH BOY vax... i’ve been rping him a lot lately but he still remains a bit of an enigma!! lets see..
Personal
1) Age? 23! he acts older than his age i think
2) Gender? like all my other ocs bc i’m very self indulgent, he is a trans guy!
3) Romantic/Sexual Orientation? vax can think boys are cute, but he’s never been a very romantically active person. he doesn’t lack a capacity for affection, he’s just always... busy with other stuff? it’s not something he thinks about often. if he’s buzzy around someone it’s probably bc he adores their cybernetics/etc work
4) Height? probably smth like 3′9″
5) Race? asura (+ cyborg??)
6) What do they look like? (i.e, hair color, eye color, etc). i’m gonna link The Vax Draw, i’m undecided about whether his hair is naturally full black or if the white stripes are weird pigment loss... PS he has a ton of moles all over, not just on his face :D
7) Any disabilities? hokay this is a Vax Secret but he has some sort of muscular and/or skeletal disorder i need to research into/get specifics on but the general idea is that he can get very weak and achey and have trouble moving sometimes! he deals with this via another Vax Secret i might talk about sometime
8) Is there a meaning to their name? in asuran ?? idk i dont think their names have meanings, but irl its a shortened asurafied version of ‘vaccine’ bc i thought it sounded cool
9) What makes them, them? Odd Question but he’s very shaped by his childhood experiences studying his father’s work and looking up to his dad and he’s very defined by his innate drive to bulldoze towards goals he has and wants to research... he’s a very stubborn and determined person who’s very much an agent For Himself
10) What do they want to be when they grow up/what do they want to do with their lives? he is Growed Up but he really wants to keep chasing revolutions in prosthetics/augments/cybernetics.. he wants to help people in ways they couldn’t otherwise be helped (atypical inquest huh)
Family
11) Do they have parents? What are they like and how do they act with their child(ren)? yes one parent, a single dad! ppl who’ve been watchin my hell rp server stuff will know his name is akka and he’s one of the top prosthetics smiths in the industry and was very private about his work but had a very cutting edge philosophy towards artificial parts and lead some really revolutionary work... dr. akka is a very kind and patient man with a good soul who is a tad weary from the world but he loved his son very much! he and vax had a great bond and vax was always eager to learn about his dad’s life work and his dad was always eager to teach him.. akka is an overall pretty amazing man, it’s a shame he joined the inquest for some reason and now we don’t know his current whereabouts......
12) Do they have siblings? How do they interact with them? If not, do they wish they had siblings? he technically has a sibling! maybe more? but he’s never met them... vax is perfectly pleased with being an only child, we’ll have to see how he reacts if he ever meets this one. it’s actually a character y’all are already familiar with.......
13) Extended family? Do they see them often? nope and nope
14) Do they like where they live? (Is it a safe place?) vax essentially lives out of his workshop within the sigma-5 prime division laboratory space which is Not a safe place no....... but he loves it... he technically has an apartment somewhere in soren draa that is as much of a junk pile as his workshop whoops (vax is very much a ‘i know where everything is in this chaos. don’t move it’ person...)
15) Where do they live? Are they wealthy? Poor? Middle-Class? i semi-answered this above but he has enough funding via the inquest to do his research projects as well as have a place for himself! i wouldn’t call him upper class probably just kinda middle ish, he keeps himself afloat alright
16) Do they have a lot of expectations/pressure on them from family to do great? despite vax’s attachment to akka’s work and vice versa, akka is a very chill guy who never expected vax to live up to it or anything like that.. he just thought it was great vax had the interest in it
17) Do they have pets? alas, no.... if he did i could see him owning smth more atypical like a ferret and fuck i kinda like that idea now i’ll have to meditate on it
18) Who do they look up to the most/are the closest to in their family? take one guess
19) This there anything special about their family? his dad being a renowned prosthetics doctors is pretty special yeah
20) Do they wish they lived in a different family/household? absolutely not
Friends
21) Best Friend(s)? alas vax is... very very much a lone wolf! this section is gonna be hard to answer and i’m probably gonna have to cross out some stuff because vax purposefully doesn’t really get close to anyone and he’s exceedingly unperturbed about this.. i meant it when i said he’s very self-driven! he’s not ultra egotistic and he doesn’t hate other people, nor is he unempathetic (i’d say he has a good degree of empathy actually), he’s just kind of... uninterested? he won’t hate you or be nasty to you for no reason, he’s just not interested in befriending/being around you as an aspect of his life
22) Who was their first friend? probably some of the other progeny tried to befriend him in precollege he he was Smart which is Cool but they quickly learned that vax’s idea of friendship is he will give you a quick synopsis of what he’s currently on and then go silent as he continues to work on it
23) What is their friend group like? there are a lot of inquest underlings who try to suck up to him because he’s their boss and also a shining star virtuoso with his work................. vax remains oblivious and unpeturbed
24) Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them? yes. specifically plex. who is his best tech ops drone but plex is a... sort of pushy person wrt trying to Befriend vax and he has a very obvious crush on vax and vax is mostly oblivious to it but sometimes feels weird about plex’s sudden ‘random’ bursts of being super buddy-buddy with him. in plex’s defense a bit, plex doesn’t know how to interact with people either
25) Do they consider any of their friends to be like siblings?
26) Have they ever hurt a friend or lost one? he’s probably unintentionally driven off people by coming across as super cold... i think he feels bad if he accidentally upsets people with his demeanor but he’s not quite sure what to do about it bc he doesn’t really want to upset people but he also doesn’t want to force himself to be MegaFriendly anyway esp considering his trials with social interaction are kind of a hardwired brain thing (he’s got like... vague assorted ADHD-autistic spectrum traits)
27) Do they have a crush on any of their friends?
28) Do they share classes with good friends?
29) Whom do they go to the most when they need a shoulder to cry on? vax internalizes all his problems and works through them privately khgjdf he’s a weird mixture of stable and mature but sometimes unhealthy
30) What would this person do without their friends in their lives? [img of vax doing vague shrugging motions here] as aloof as he is he probably at the very least appreciates that other people have interest in his work! so would be a bit sad if he didn’t have that
School
31) What grade are they in? If they aren’t in school, how come? he has graduated college! he was top of the class his year at dynamics
32) Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one? i’m sure he’s had a Variety of teachers but most of his teachers probably liked him a good bit since he’s smart and yknow, Asura Be Like That... i’m sure he’s conversely had a few who butted heads with him over his philosophy on cybernetics because he has a much more open ended approach that’s a bit focused on the idea that prosthetics are body parts and people with prosthetics are Whole People not People With Additional Bits Slapped On/In and he’s very ginger with prosthetics/augments he handles and treats them like they’re the same as fleshy body parts and deserve the same delicate care despite being metal, and overall he has more of a focus on the actual people he’s working with i think, and i can see some more hardass/uptight teachers in particular not liking this because it’s kinda unasuran to more traditionalist types to have such a.. humane view on work rather than being enthused solely with your numbers and research results
33) Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot? vax is very headstrong and if you have useful advice then its useful advice but if you dont then fuck off and let him do his work how he’s determined to do it... he doesn’t goof off but he has no respect for authority if authority gives bad commentary
34) Are/Where they a good student grade wise? top marks except for in classes where he was abrasive with the teachers who’s work ethics clashed with his but what can you do
35) Do/Did they need extra help? nope... he probably ended up tutoring a few people actually (which probably was due to a nudge from a teacher and not.. vax’s sole volition of wanting to tutor people)
36) What is/was their school like?
37) Do/Did they have bullies in school? i’m sure he Didn’t Get Along With some others bc he’s Weird
38) Have they ever gotten into a fight at school? yes he’s absolutely metaphorically gone for someone’s throat because they had the audacity to challenge him on something that they were both wrong about and not as passionate about as him
39) Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school? i’m sure he has but i can’t rlly think of anything (boring answer srry)
40) How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back?
Other
41) Are they dating anyone? Do they want to date? Are the married? Divorced? i already kinda answered this but he’s not partic romantically involved... however i think if he found someone he was In Sync With and who understood his mannerisms then he’d be very content with them... i think he would need a stable easygoing relationship based on shared interests and just casually fitting together and supporting each other rather than anything passionately heated or overly focused on traditional displays of affection
42) What is their favorite hobby? Do they keep it a secret? he’s a big nerd who collects various prosthetics/augment models and he absolutely doesn’t keep it a secret...................... 75% of the RP i’m in with him rn has been him geeking out over augs. the other 25% was me describing the facility.
43) If they could have one thing in life, what would it be? i think he’s more overall focused on the idea of a continuous stream of improvement over a few static goals? he’s constantly laying out new traintracks in front of himself to steam ahead on... he’d like to be happy and successful at what he does, ultimately, and really attain super advanced inventions
44) Do they work? If so, what is it? If not, are they looking for one or even want one? despite everything i’ve said here about him being a good empathetic guy, he is Inquest........ the inquest funds his research he does at their labs and they pay him for being the sigma-five supervisor
45) Do they use social media? i can’t see him using social media much tbh... he might be into podcasts and asuran youtube a bit
46) Have they ever been in the hospital? due to his strength issues and some stuff that happened as a very small child he has been quite a bit yes
47) Do they believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see? this is a weird question in the context of gw2 which has canon ghosts whoops.. im gonna interpret it as ‘are they superstitious’... vax isnt superstitious and i think he’d be very brave facing questionably supernatural forces but in a sort of logical way uh... he would Not be the first to die in a horror movie.... he’s a skeptic of non-scientific magic things with i think some lingering internal paranoia.. he’s a very logical person
48) What do they do when they get angry, stressed, or upset? broods in private probably....... depending on what he’s heated about he might go sit by himself for awhile or he’s gonna take his anger out while working on a project
49) Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey? i think he tries to be a good person but he’s skeptical of that Status a lot and worries over it a good bit... again, typical inquest!
50) Does this OC have any part of you in them? (I.e, personality traits, similar background, etc) all of my ocs have parts of me in them to some degree, i think vax carries some things related to my disabilities, interpersonal and moralistic struggles, and the nerdy passion over my special interests
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“i can finally say i’m dating my bestfriend,”
pairing: jae x reader
genre: cliche best-friends turned lovers plot, but fluff all the way
a/n: my exams are finally coming to an end and i can finally write again HOHOHOHO
“stupid hair, stupid smile, stupid laugh. god damn you and your cute self. i don’t even know why i am in love with his flirty ass!” you muttered angrily, as you slung your guitar case over your shoulder. you stormed out of the band room, leaving jae in the hands of the girl who is clearly in love with him. you knew you had no right to be upset at jae, when he doesn’t know jackshit.
out of all people, you’ve never thought that you would fall in love with your best friend, park jae-hyung, whom you’ve known for all your years in high school. the feeling of liking him was too overwhelming for you, especially when you had spent the past year trying to bury it deep down the depths of your heart. the fact that you’re with him 24/7 and that he has complete access to your house did not help you in anyway.
you tried ignoring him by blocking him on your phone, off your social media accounts and avoiding him in school. however, the one and only place you forgot to block him off from was your window. you lived on the ground floor, hence it was no issue for jae to break in.
you received the shock of your life when a black figure suddenly appeared in your room by coming through the window at almost midnight and you were so ready to beat the crap out of whoever that was but the curling iron in your hand was soon forgotten when you realized it was jae. he cackled so loud after finding out that you were prepared to fight with a curling iron, till he forgot what he was there for in the first place. basically, you got caught red-handed but your lame excuse still managed to save your ass.
“hey, I thought we were gonna get ice-cream!”
you could hear his footsteps running toward you, as he tried to catch up with you. jae grabbed you by the shoulder as he bent down to catch his breath.
“you are not avoiding me again, are you?” he managed to say, in between pants of heavy breathing.
“you should really go to the gym, you fat ass, and I’m sure she would be able to accompany you instead of me,” you replied, picking his hand off your shoulder before walking away.
“firstly, I know I should go to the gym!” he retaliated, and this time he grabbed you by your arm instead. unknowing of his own strength, his forceful pull caused you to fall back into his chest. “and secondly, why have you been like this recently?”
“like what?” you questioned, as his arms was still wrapped around your upper torso. he was smart enough to know that you were trying to avoid the question but stood his ground.
“like all jealous and stuff yknow,” he shrugged, letting you out of his grasp as you stumbled back a few steps away from him.
you scoffed, “jealous? I have much more things to be than jealous, jae.”
“I know you’re lying,” he said, as he folded his arms across his chest.
you cursed under your breath, as you realized that you could never really escape jae from anything. he knew you inside out, including the birthmark you have on the side of your boob that you’ve never told anyone about. you were tired of running away from your feelings, but you did not want to jeopardize your friendship with jae either.
“it’s your fault, you douchebag with great hair!” you groaned, as you crouched down and placed your head in between your arms.
“I was then a fat ass and now I’m a douchebag with great hair?” he chuckled, before trying to pull you up onto your feet again. however, you refused to move a single bit. the main reason was that you could feel your face heating up, and you can not let jae see you blushing.
“jae, I like you,” no matter how muffled it sounded, the message got sent across perfectly. it was silent for a minute, and you were so ready to hear footsteps of jae walking away. you were just so tired of containing it, and decided that to get rid of it was to let it go. the chance of jae liking you was higher than you not getting the guitar solo for the new piece the band was practicing for, which was close to 0.
“i like you too,”
“what?” you could not comprehend what was happening and thought the drums your band member, dowoon, was playing earlier had really messed up your hearing.
jae crouched down similarly to your position and slowly pulled your hand away from your face before intertwining it with his fingers. “I like you too, dumbass,”
your eyes slowly peered open to be met with jae staring intently back at you. you could feel heat rushing up to your cheeks again and you swore you’ve never been redder than before.
“jae, if this a prank, you know that I’m going to kill you,”
he knocked you once on your head, “I’ve been showing you signs that I like all year long! I even had to forcefully ask brian to be my wing-man and help me out coz’ you didn’t seem to be getting the memo at all,”
“if you had to ‘forcefully ask’ brian, is that not called ‘threatening’?” you asked playfully, letting out a big sigh of relief as got back onto your feet before pulling jae to do the same.
he let out a laugh, “hey, desperate times calls for desperate measures!”
unintentionally, things were getting awkward as the both of you stood along the emptied hallway. none of you thought that either one would’ve gotten this far and was completely unprepared.
“so u-um,” jae coughed awkwardly, “can we hold hands?”
you can’t help but break out into laughter seeing jae is his awkward state. he’s always known to be the one who’s all social and everything, and seeing him struggle to like that made you feel so warm that you want to keep him in your pocket so you could love him forever.
you grabbed his hand and intertwined your fingers with his. jae turned to look at you, as his face resembled of pure happiness and longing.
“I can finally say I’m dating my bestfriend.”
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warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.
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Alright, on to part three, where Phoenix’s big fat mouth gets Apollo and Athena into deep doodoo.
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QUICK CHILDREN, INTO THE MANHOLE!
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SDUFGDGSF YOU CAN ‘MOVE’ WHILE YOURE BEING CHASED
way to ruin the moooooood XD
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well athena if its any consolation, smelling like a rotten egg will probably delight sadmad.
y’know. cause youre a putrid egg yolk.
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“Once a rebel, always a rebel!”
apollo was never a rebel
you sent him back to America before he could do any rebelling.
>OH MY SNARK IS CONFIRMED BY APOLLO
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oh everyone’s met up now
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“It was like watching a pair of ostriches bury their heads in the sand”
the FUCK does that mean, Phoenix?!???
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“dubious hovel”
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whats wrong with athena? i thought she was huddling up in the corner because she saw something unnerving, then maybe because of all the sudden people there–– but it’s implying she’s disgusted by the shitty state of the place?
what, is Athena a germaphobe now??
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“He said he hopes you’ll come back and take over this office someday.”
“M-me?”
“Those were his words! He might have been half-joking though.”
I’m not sure which I’m more offended by; the fact that Dhurke still assumed Apollo would make a shit lawyer, or the fact that Apollo does indeed take over. Spoilers. Haha.
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“must’ve been because of you, dhurke!”
no it was because of Phoenix Wright because he was a cool guy, once upon a time. also because, unlike every other lawyer in the gotdamn series, Apollo just really friggin loves the law. He thinks lawyers are legit cool and he wanted to be one because he just happened to have a passion for litigating. He’s not a prop in your stupid story, he’s his own interesting person.
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“Dhurke was never a hands-on kinda dad...”
you can motherfucking say that again, vore machine.
“...but not a day went by that he wasn’t thinking of ya. That much I’m sure of.”
yeah he sure was
thinking of the favours he could one day ask of him.
“Doesn’t get more paternal than that!”
Athena, you don't even have a dad. Your opinion on the subject is completely worthless.
“(Dhurke... And to think, I really did spend my days trying to forget you...)”
god apollo you don’t deserve this. you deserve trucy and klavier and thalassa (being an actual mom for once)
HELL you deserve your ACTUAL, REAL DAD.
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“The victim’s passport and any pictures of him were burned up in the fire. Without knowing his real name, no divination seance could be performed.”
So you’re telling me Jove brought every single glossy of himself into that blaze? And after the fire, nobody bothered checking the dental records on the corpse/asking where that neato musician from the other night went?
Once again, DDSOJ police, at their best. If there wasn’t a coverup involved, I’m gonna be pissed.
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( My real dad... I was never really interested in learning about him. )
While this is a totally understandable and natural reaction... I really wish–– Actually, no; it’s best Apollo never learned that he once had a father who actually gave a fuck about him. That’d probably break his heart.
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“As the son of the terrorist Dhurke, Nahyuta was expelled from the royal family.”
i.... why did Dhurke keep him in Koooraheen, anyway? He really couldn’t have sent him to a happier life in America with his half brother?
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huh i think that face-palm is a new expression for Vore Machine. he almost looks reasonable.
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“As his son, Yuty no doubt got the cold shoulder at every turn.”
amazing. not only was Apollo abandoned in America in some shit orphanage with zero contact from anything he knew as family, but Sadmad was forced to stay behind in a country that hated his guts. The perfect situation for both boys!!! No wonder they’re both so fucking grouchy all the time! Dhurke, you parental genius!
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“Dhurke’s the kinda guy who can become fast friends with just about anyone!”
guess that explains the fandom popularity
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“Lol come over n play some jams bro”
“Ok dawg is it chill if i bring my kid my wifes uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
“Yeah its cool I'm great with kids”
“tight”
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“It’s like Dhurke’s done nothing but save me all my life”
yeah... from messes he made.
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“Jangly Justice”
god. i want to root for Jove but like. He looks like a tool, he sounds like a tool, his stage name is the tooliest thing ive ever heard...
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originally this section was me ranting about how Thalassa would never have just ‘stopped looking for Apollo’ when she heard that Jove perished in the flames, since Apollo’s corpse was never found and the rebels were out looking for her to give him to her– but instead I’m just gonna leave you with ‘that excuse is mad weak and the writers need to try harder.’
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“You should try on the jacket, Apollo!”
“Yeah, yeah!”
Look, I can excuse Athena, because she doesn’t know. But Datz knows its mold infested and disgusting. And he just finished talking about APollo’s tragic past. What the everloving fuck is up with this sicko?!
Also Athena, you can’t laugh at him wearing an eyepatch when he just got done wearing one all last year.
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“I’d recognize those horns anywhere!”
“Is that really the only way anyone recognizes me?”
cue Phoenix harrumphing from the corner and brushing his spikes
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yknow maybe ive mentioned this before but why /hasn’t/ the queen found the safe house? It’s Dhurke’s old law office; that’d be like, the first place I’d check. Its like wondering if Dumbledore’s Army is based in Hogwarts.
I mean I guess you could say the Queen assumes theyre not stupid enough to hide in their old main haunt but... they’re stupid. they’re really, really stupid. it’s been proven like 800 times.
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so we just had a ladder convo about lizards?
also what do you mean geckos like to live in houses? i thought they just climbed around outside them. aLSO WHY ARE THEY EATING THEM
... I appreciate that it ended in a Bugs Bunny Switcharoo though.
...And Phoenix ends it with “theyre just a plain old lizard”
I guess Phoenix doesn’t know flowers or lizards.
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i really don’t know why none of the revolutionaries think sadmad’s playing the long con. they’ve all just completely given up on him. what if he was pulling a snape??? they talk about trust and shit and yet none of them trust their own leader’s son? shameful.
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“It seems like Gar’an has some serious leverage over him”
okay, they suspect he’s being controlled with some kind of blackmail... and yet do nothing to help him? they’re dumb enough to risk their lives doing something like that, but not compassionate or caring enough?? to their leader’s son???? what the fuck??????
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aww i missed Beh’leeb. I hope she and her (born/ unborn? cannot tell if she’s pregnant or not) kid are doing ok.
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“So she’s trying to help the revolution along... in her own special way!”
that sounds enormously patronizing phoenix, shut up. she’s pregnant and she has to deal with fucks like Datz running around blowing off firecrackers at government officials.
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...youre giving the orb to datz.
ill eat my hat if nothing happens to it.
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“We’ll attract undue attention if we go in too large a group”
oh also because youre dressed like baby’s first paint set but
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“AAAH!!”
“Do you know something about this?”
“Nope! Just felt like shouting is all.”
yes, this is definitely the guy who should hold onto the orb for you. also i presented the attorneys badge. guess he has nothing to say about apollo’s proof of profession, eh?
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“Yeah... You’d think Nahyuta might’ve cut his old man some slack, but no.”
Dhurke you thick son of a bitch
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wow. one single flashback occurrence where Dhurke wasn’t a dick. Well, 1/1000 ain’t too shabby...
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“What? You came to visit me and you didn’t even bring me a present?”
What, like your plate of ‘my son is NOT a failure” sushi, Dhurke ?
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“But I’m not a rebel.”
“Don’t be ridiculous– You’re a member of the defiant dragons simply by being my son.”
HE’S NOT YOUR SON YOU FUCK
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If you present him your attorneys badge he jokes about dying happy and apollo makes it explicit that he means via execution
dhurke. that means apollo would die too. stop fucking joking about him dying you prickwad.
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Apollo: Hey Dhurke know anything about this necklace
Dhurke: OOOAAHHH!!! OHHH!! AHHH!!!!
Apollo: So thats a...
Dhurke: Hahahahah its a no son give it here
Apollo: Yeah ok i see nothing suspicious about that at all and i sure hope the secret behind it wasn’t important to this case or anything..........
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me: jeez i hope that stupid necklace was the last thing we had to present
phoenix, appearance from god knows where: hey maybe ask about the hostage
me: bless you baby. also i forgot you were here
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Phoenix: Sounds like the minister has someone you really care about, cause you totally obeyed everything he did.
i know what youre trying to excuse here SOJ staff but no, straight up lifting right out of JFA will never be ok.
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“Is there a new lady in your life?”
“WHAT?! DONT BE RIDICULOUS SON!”
I’m gay now! Hahaha. But seriously. Nobody wants to date Dhurke.
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“Amara was the love of my life, but she’s gone now, and there will never be another.”
cue Dhurtz shippers furiously jamming their fingers in their ears and whistling
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wh
what the
fuck is happening
to his aRM
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“You tensed up”
HIS BROKEN ARM STARTED VEINING SO HARD THAT IT SHOWED RIGHT THROUGH LIKE 2 LAYERS OF CLOTH
THATS SOME KRISTOPH DEVIL HAND SHIT RIGHT THERE
JESUS CHRI
oh there’s something hidden in there THANK GOD THAT SCAREDTHE FUCK OUTTA ME
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“Oh I see– so youre hiding a woman’s photo up your sleeve”
oh yeah, a 3D photo. that has bumpy bits. absolutely apollo.
“You don’t need to keep secrets like that from me– You’re an eligible bachelor now. But you’ll... introduce her to me at some point, right?”
this has that creepy ‘parent insists you have a crush on that one kid’ conversation vibe to it, especially since it’s not like Apollo ever had an attachment to Amara to make him see her as a mother; she was ‘dead’ before he could even walk.
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“Mon dieu! Are you into younger women, Dhurke?!”
Athena,,,,,,,, athena,,,, Apollo,,,,, he’s
it’s
oh never mind.
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“Heh heh. Dhurke, you old dog, you. You got yourself a younger lover.”
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT, NO, NOT NEVER MIND. YOU HAVE A PHOTO OF AMARA. YOU KNOW WHAT AMARA LOOKS LIKE. YOU KNOW HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PAST AND PRESENT DHURKE BECAUSE THERES NO WAY HE COULD JUST RANDOMLY CUT HIS HAIR AND THEN HAVE IT GROW BACK THAT FAST.
I KNOW YOU THINK SHE’S DEAD BUT AT LEAST FUCKING SAY YOU THINK IT’S HER TWIN SISTER YOU UTTER UTTER NUMBSKULLS
“This is Amara before she died. If you look closer, you’ll see that I was younger, too.”
“Hey. You’re right.”
“Aww, that’s no fun.”
MY ULCERS ARE NO FUN BUT GUESS WHAT NEITHER IS LIFE
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“Wait a second... Haven’t we seen this woman before?”
DAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH
GOOD FUCKING BALLS PLEASE PLEASE LET THEM BE TROLLING DEAR GOD AAHGGDFKAFAGF
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i really love that photo though. everything about it is generally just really nice.
-
wait hang on. they. they just. they kept her around? after her fake assassination? they just–– WHERE YOU COULD GET A PHOTO OF HER?!
EXPLAIN–– THERE’D BETTER BE A GOOD EXPLAIN
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“She was confined within the grounds, but she was fit as a fiddle.”
Ga’ran. Ga’ran. Ga’ran. You stupid, stupid, stupid bitch.
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“She was being held under virtual house arrest, so I freed her, and we made a run for it.”
“Of course, we didn’t just proclaim it to the people so that they’d realize Ga’ran was a dirty bitch; that would have been way too easy hahaha.”
Ohhh I see. They didn’t know Ga’ran was the one who did it. Except Ga’ran was the one who kept her under house arrest and faked her death so... It’s pretty obviously her? Amara would know that by putting 2 and 2 together? But no... Apparently Amara was suspicious enough to suspect Dhurke of being the arsonist like Ga’ran said, but brave enough to ‘accompany him so she could ascertain the truth for herself.’
hey remember when i said brave. i meant stupid. she was stupid enough to go with someone she thought might have tried to kill her, completely unsupervised. though i guess you'd have to be that dumb to actually fall in love with Dhurke in the first place.
AH, and she was immediately recaptured. Because Dhurke sucks.
Waaaaait wait wait. How long and when did he ‘rescue’ her? The incident was 23 years ago, but Rayfa is 14– and Amara would need the usual 9 months to gestate– plus, the room she’s holding Rayfa in has the Defiant Dragons handbook in there, so it’s probably someplace of Dhurke’s––
Meaning there was a nine year gap but they still didn’t show her to the general public to depose gar– AGHHH. ITS ALL TERRIBLE!!!
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“Apollo. We need to grill the queen about Amara when we have the chance.”
Hobo Nick’s ghost: Hey uhh me, that might get you uhhhhh murdered i thought we got over that after von karma tasered the shit out of u––
SOJ Nick: DOOOOHHOOOHOO I LIKE SOLVING MYSTERIESSS
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Apollo: hey maybe the baby Amara’s holding is me.
Athena: Nah it’s too cute to be you.
Apollo: ....i just want to have proof that I’ve known the loving touch of a mother at least ONCE ATHENA OKAY???
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“Hm? Oh... well, either way, it’s not you, son.”
yeah fuck you apollo the Sadmahdis only love their REAL children
also its Rayfa. it was in the safe next to Rafya’s letter; Rayfa basically identified it as herself when she saw it, it’s Rayfa.
Apollo: wow youre sure acting vague and suspicious about this; guess i’ll just accept it for what it is.
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Dhurke: [tells apollo’s he's going to die and leave him fatherless again]
Apollo: [immediately assumes its another of Dhurke’s jokes because Dhurke’s jokes are horrible and always at Apollo’s expense]
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phoenix: ...are you sick?
NICK
OH MY GOD
i shriek laughed
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Apollo: [clearly emotionally distraught]
Dhurke: [continues to dance around the issue, thus prolonging Apollo’s suffering]
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(Why is this happening now? Just when I was finally starting to feel like you really are my...)
HE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU, APOLLO
GET OUTTA THERE
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So far Apollo hasn't said “i’m gonna do x and x and x, or die trying!” and honestly i know it’s a bit on the nose but it’s more true for this situation than any other ones it’s usually said in.
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Dhurke: I’ve got a big secret
Apollo: You’ve been hiding something *ELSE* from me?
Dhurke: I’m afraid I can’t tell you what it is. I’d be betraying a certain someone if I did.
WHY DID HE EVEN BRING IT UP THEN!? WHY IS DHURKE JUST THE FUCKING WORST?!!!
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“You’ll discover a truth that is hard to accept. But I know you. And I know you can handle the truth, no matter what it turns out to be.”
After all, you’re super great at accepting all the misfortune my existence has heaped upon you! Hahaha!!!
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“Apollo... Are you okay?”
“...I’m fine.”
they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you’re fine, when you’re not really fine, but you just can’t get into it b
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h e r e c o m e t h e r e b e l s
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and once again you have to manually move there.
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action bomb over here from Vore Machine
also beh’leeb sweety youre doing amazing
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“Dhurke belongs to the people!! Give him back!!!”
he what now
-
(sigh)
..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................hi.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................sadmad...............................................................................................................................................................................
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“They’ll be arrested? Just for protesting?!”
Apollo... you live in the real world, r–– oh well technically he doesn't hm
that point’s moot
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“They are aiding and abetting a criminal by seeking his release”
uh pretty sure that’s BS yut
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“Her Eminence, Queen Ga’ran, has ordered they be arrested and judged en-masse”
ok im fucking
im
I'm wheezing so bad not ONLY do we have to save a revolution and Dhurke the rebel leader, but we are now about to defend most of the population of an entire country at once. Stakes RAISED bro
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good fucking lord apollo stop being all “weren’t you a defiant dragon once?!wehh!!”
even Phoenix, with his Edgeworth obsession, didn’t really question it when Edgeworth was being his shithead prosecutor self.
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Nahyuta: Sigh. Guess I can’t escape you. I mean I could use my magic beads to tie you up and then prance off but i have a plot to advance.
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“Enough with the zen monk act, Nahyuta– Tell me how you really feel!”
Damnit, Sadmad, it’s not like we have someone who can read emotions by listening to-– oh yeah.
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“She’s being held in secret where nobody is allowed to see her.”
second time’s the charm!
-
Apollo, simply bringing up the reason he’s doing what he’s doing won’t get him to stop. Remember the Phoenix and Maya situation? Until you can guarantee her safety, Sadmad’s just going to keep steam rolling along.
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OH FINALLY
ok athena dish the dirt
-
alright, here we go, folks. time for Nick to get all their asses killed. i mean just listen to that ominous music :/
-
i love her laugh sprite.
“a lawyer AND a comedian, HOW DROLL”
the royal guards weird me out a bit though. its those masks. I'm getting high lady gaga gives
lady gagaran
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Apollo: better give her evidence to burn–– i mean, jog her memory with some evidence.
Ghost of hobo nick: future me!! stop this!! don’t you remember what always used to happen?!
SOJ Phoenix: DOOOHOOOHOOO WE GOT HER NOW, APOLLO!
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...........that worked
....no it didn’t. just spring you damn trap already, gagaran.
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Apollo: Hm better not tell the people, that could stir up the revolution and actually make it happen. Especially since there might be REAL terrorists hiding out there, just waiting until someone goes, “Hey, that dead queen isn’t really dead!!”
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lol
something went wrong?? no way
-
“Eeeek! Apollo! Don’t strip here!!!”
why is athena such a ditz in this case???
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I HEARD A BELT
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wow. apollo’s ass canonically bared in AA6
klavier gavin cries a million miles away
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“HE WASN’T HIDING THE BULKY ASS ORB IN HIS CLOTHING, YOUR EMINENCE”
“damn i really thought he was hiding it in his skintight pants and vest. also ignore the other two, they couldn’t possibly have it.”
-
oh lord pls don’t hurt rayfa
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“Your mind has been poisoned by the barbed one.”
“It was an honour and pleasure, your eminence”
phoenix i know that was highly badass and all but youre literally sitting pretty to be executed
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“”””discipline””””
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“Well, Apollo, let’s head back to the safe house for now.”
yes, just in case any spies follow us! so that the queen can get her hands on the orb that much fast!!
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oh hi edgeworht, youre in this game
-
WOO YOU TELL’EM EDGEY
DOWN WITH PLUMED PUNISHER!! DOWN WITH PLUMED PUNISHER!! DOWN WITH PLUMED PUNISHER!!
-
“Moving along to things that actually matter...”
it’s true, but he shouldn’t say it
-
“Yeah, it’s like the more we learn about this case, the less we understand.”
just like me and this game’s writing process
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“A trial without evidence...”
there’s evidence, you wankers, what do you think that photo of amara, the old case files and the necklace are????
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“Athena, you’re too young and extra to die. Sit this trial out so we can save on sprite space.”
“Gotcha, chief.”
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“Plus, there’s prosecutor Blackquill to think of. he said he’d use me for sword practice if he put you in harms way.”
Yeah, if Athena dies, who’ll his new punching bag be??? don’t think i haven’t forgotten story teller. i will not forget. i will not forgive.
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“Remember; the worst of times are when lawyers have to force their biggest smiles.”
ugh, finally it’s used semi right.
-
And so, we come to the end of another frustrating chapter. It’s finally time to move on to the final trial. I’m actually kind of curious to find out how everything went down– though something tells me my suffering won’t end when i do.
Welp, friends – till next time. The final hurdle is at hand. Or at least, part one of it.
#sulking over SOJ#ooc#we're almost done... just the final trial still to go...]#spirit of justice spoilers#soj spoilers
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