Dossier #3510: Sparatus, Ierian
retrieved for: @sparatus
oh boy, i love reading political figures, and ierian sparatus is no exception. love his work on workers' right legislation.
that probably sounds suspiciously complimentary for me. it is. but then again, as a cancer, he's a skeptical grudge hoarder anyway. sure, he's a family man; cancers love nothing more than digging their own cozy little hole in the ground and shoving all their loved ones into it before smothering them with blankets, snacks, and hugs that seem simultaneously fatherly and possibly attempted homicide. and never leave it. ever. he's never on time for anything, because his bed is simply too comfortable and everyone else is early. he'd rather have his groceries delivered, because he's always just gotten comfortable, put on his pajamas, and his favorite show is on. of course it's a blank screen, the tv isn't even on and he doesn't even care that it's the world's worst attempt at deception.
in fact, it's so bad, it almost seems like he's intentionally making himself look like a terrible liar so he can easily manipulate his way through life, the courtroom, and the nasty world of politics with a mix of passive aggression and deadly underestimation. he'll gladly keep all your secrets. in a rolodex. right next to every transgression you've ever committed, alphabetized, from that time you said you were on your way and hadn't even gotten out of bed yet to last wednesday when you squeezed your toothpaste tube from the middle and left it where he could see it. he neither forgives nor forgets. for all his impressive legal vocabulary and fancy college degrees, he seems to be utterly unfamiliar with the meaning of bygones, closure, and moving on. you don't even have to cross him directly; cancers possess an intuition so strong, they might very well be psychic -- if you ever lied to a parent about sneaking an extra cookie, he knows, and his steel-trap memory and impressive eye for detail (used to find even the slightest hint of an insult, lie, or guilt) will ensure that knowledge stays locked away until the precise moment it becomes the perfect silver bullet to strike you down.
this dual personality makes him sound like a gemini, but it's really just the moon being the moon. see, cancer gets to sit on the moon all by its lonesome, like it prefers. just like the moon has a light side and a dark side, and rules over the ever-changing tides, cancers will go from snapping at people who have crossed them in ways they don't care to specify at the moment (you know what you did) to cooking them a nine-course dinner complete with all the trimmings and halfway through remembering which ones didn't send a birthday card over the past fifty years (whether they were even in the picture or not is irrelevant, objection) and ensuring they get all the burned bits and possibly poison.
there's another aspect of the moon to be looked at -- which sign's shoulder the moon is looming over, and in his case, it's virgo. i'll save myself the trouble of repeating the grudge rolodex joke and roll right into his unwavering penchant for justice at all costs. if rules were meant to be broken, this little justice boy comes running along behind us cool kids with glue and legal boo boo stickers. he's also cautious to a fault -- you'll go grey before he considers every possible outcome of whether to put jam or jelly on his toast, what statutes could be violated by this single decision, and filibusters breakfast until he's done so.
this is because deep down he is a ball of anxiety with insecurity to rival a bookcase balanced on twelve basketballs stacked on the wobbly leg of a chair some fourth grader made in woodshop without proper supervision.
anyway, his ascendant sign is aquarius, so instead of agreeing to disagree, you're just signing up to be wrong, here's your consolation ribbon, thank you for coming to the debate where he is both the only participant, the judge, and the referee. he'll pick apart your proposal like a crab on a dead fish at the bottom of the sea until there's nothing left but bones and then send you back to the drawing board with a smile on his face and a plate of cookies for your efforts.
as always, venus always appears in either one's own sign or two on either side, and for the humble councilor it's in cancer, which is utterly unsurprising because his wife is his literal world and he would simply die without her. his ideal date night is anything that doesn't require going out. dinner, movie, pillow fort, full-scale foam dart gun battle using the couch as a war bunker? whatever, man, as long as he doesn't have to put on real pants. moving on!
lastly, mars. often used to determine someone's boiling point and what they do about it but also is a good predictor of their romantic inclinations. with mars in taurus, this means two things: do not expect to settle a negotiation quickly, because he has plenty of food saved up and a stack of papers saying you're wrong; and do not expect calls to be answered, motions to be filed, emails to be replied to, or his scaly ass to leave his damn bed on his anniversary, amen.
submitted by: 20180924
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yess the made-up movies meme is back!! alright, how about Amy Adams, Diego Luna, Chris Pine, Gina Rodriguez, Zendaya and hmmm, Mark Hamill?
SONG: “Band on the Run” by Paul McCartney & Wings
“Stuck inside these four walls / Sent inside forever/ Never seeing no one nice again / Like you / Mama, you / Mama, you...”
SUMMARY: In the not-so-distant future, an increasingly volatile climate on Earth has forced governments across the world to come together and seek out hospitable planets across the galaxy that might be able to support the mass exodus of humans looking to flee natural disasters that are making life on Earth unsustainable. Instrumental to this search has been technology that allows for an AI pilot to navigate the space ship while the human crew are kept in stasis for long stretches of time, allowing them to travel farther out into the galaxy than ever before.
On Earth, Dr. Ilsa Craine (Amy Adams), the inventor of this technology, awaits news from the first ship equipped with it, the Artemis, as it approaches the four year anniversary of its launch. While she waits, she reflects on her life, recalling the events that led to her working for NaxosTech and meeting her recently deceased mentor, the brilliant and eccentric scientist Dr. Gustav Mahler (Mark Hamill), with whom she created the AI technology currently piloting the Artemis. She is also forced to reflect on the reasons behind her failing marriage when her estranged husband Daniel (Diego Luna) returns home after months of working abroad on a mysterious project and wants to reconcile before it’s too late.
Aboard the Artemis, the skeleton crew, including Captain Lucia Gabel (Gina Rodriguez) and biologist Dr. Maxfield Lott (Chris Pine), are awoken from stasis by the ship’s pilot, Caro (Zendaya), per her orders. They are approaching the planet everyone hopes will be the answer to Earth’s prayers—able to sustain human life and close enough that, with current technology, human refugees can reach it before life on Earth becomes untenable. If this planet will not work, the Artemis will have to continue its search, stretching farther into the unknown parts of the galaxy and all but ensuring that humanity’s time on earth will end before a new home world can be found. As the crew runs tests and explores the planet, the wide-eyed Caro sends updates to her mother, Ilsa, and the world holds its breath as it waits for the crew of the Artemis to determine its fate.
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