#or even exactly what’s triggering it

[blueskittlesart]

do u have any navi thoughts from your oot replay

i've been waiting to answer this until I actually beat the game in my current playthrough because navi is another one of those characters that i think of in like a "set" with several other characters who serve relatively the same thematic purpose; in this case that purpose being the "mother" character, and i wanted to have all the characters in that set fresh in my mind. it's notable that while oot shows us very clear and consistent instances of the ways in which the adults of hyrule fail to protect their children, there ARE several adults who DO go out of their way to both oppose ganondorf and protect and nurture the children under their care. All of these characters are adult women, and all of them explicitly help the children out of some sort of parental responsibility or sense of duty towards them. in this group I include link's late mother, impa, nabooru, and navi.

all 4 mother characters, despite being adults or adult-coded, reject the inaction mentality which characterizes other adults in the game. they become either direct supports or shields to their children from the conflict the world has to offer them, and they are always explicitly punished for their interference--link's mother is killed trying to protect her son, impa's village is burned, nabooru is brainwashed. The mother's fatal flaw is that she will protect her child above all else, even in a world in which children cannot truly be protected. however, with the exception of link's mother, these characters manage to persist even in the face of her punishment, and this is where I think navi becomes the exemplary character.

Navi, after a lifetime of being link's only support system, the only adult in his life he could truly, consistently count on, receives her punishment at the hands of ganondorf--in the final battle, she is pushed out. she is unable to reach her child. she cannot protect him. However, BECAUSE link has grown up with her at his side, he is strong enough to take ganondorf down. and when ganon rises again, navi is there to support link, promising not to leave his side, and the intuitive targeting of that battle (a mechanic which navi is inherently tied to!!) makes it a cinch to win. Navi, and the other mothers we meet, are a reminder to the player that the world doesn't HAVE to be the way it is. Their persistence when punished, their insistence that their children ought to be protected, is a reminder that good adults do exist, and that good adults raise good children. link and zelda are able to win in spite of the adults who refused to help them, but also BECAUSE of the adults who DID. It's a reinforcement of the core theme of oot--that childlike idea that the world SHOULD be good and fair and if it isn't, it should be changed until it is. The mothers of oot are examples of what the world COULD be, reminders that it is possible to grow up without losing hope or growing bitter, and they are examples of the next step for the children they've raised to change the word--to continue fighting even in the face of punishment, to refuse inaction, and to foster that same hope and persistence in the generations to come.

#one thing i've really been noticing this time around is the specific way in which navi's targeting works #because even though other 3d games have that targeting mechanic navi's targeting is noticeably different #in two ways. the first being that she specifically targets weak spots in enemies almost as if she is pointing them out to link #and the second being that she is capable of targeting things link himself doesn't see #whether it be invisible enemies or triggers that are out of his reach or scarecrow points or whatever #it's really reminiscent to me of the way you teach problem solving skills to a kid. you see them struggling with something and beginning to #get frustrated and you say 'hey let's look around. do you see any solutions?' and if they can't see the solution themself you might point #and say 'hey what's that?' just to get their attention on it and help facilitate that train of thought for them #because like in most other games targeting is sort of assumed to be link's own intuition in battle #and therefore it will usually allow you to focus on one enemy within a swarm of them but it won't explicitly light up the weak spot for you #navi does that for link because she's essentially the mother teaching her kid how to problem-solve. #and when she's taken away in the final battle link is able to fight anyway BECAUSE she put so much time and effort into raising him #that he no longer needs her to facilitate that problem-solving process. he already knows how to beat ganondorf #because he's done it with her before. and that's exactly the mother's role in her child's life #protect him and raise him as best you can so that when you can no longer be by his side he isn't afraid. #foster that sense of justice and encourage him to keep fighting to change the world even when it seems unchangeable. #god. ocarina of fucking time #zelda analysis #asks

[gibbearish]

kinda frustrating how we've spent the last few months acknowledging how a lot of well intentioned but guilt trippy social justice posts are like specifically designed to worm into ocd ppls brains and then now every single post abt palestine is "i dont care how bad your mental health is, i dont care how bad looking at all this makes you feel, if you don't read every single post you see on this topic in full you are a horrible person and directly contributing to their deaths. 'waaaah my mental health' well at least youre not being bombed, did you think about that??" and its like. i absolutely get where youre coming from but you dont get to complain that guilt tripping is bad then turn around and use it anyways because you think the cause youre using it for is worthwhile. like. everyone thinks the cause theyre using it for is worthwhile, thats why theyre using it. but its still a shit way to do it

#like when you make a tumblr post to your tumblr blog youre not guilt tripping people who disagree with you #youre guilt tripping your followers who if theyre still following you probably already agree with what youre saying #and esp on a topic with so much brutality involved like. yeah OBVIOUSLY theres people who have to look away #like. yall know a bunch of these posts and articles and videos show graphic injuries in them right? #like i physically cant watch news videos abt this bc i will spend days with my brain making me imagine #peoples deaths in graphic detail specifically because it knows that will upset me. and i would prefer not to do that #in fact me doing that helps palestinians exactly as much as finishing my brussel sprouts helps starving kids #by which i mean none. its just a cheap guilt trip to get you to do something you don't want to #which when it's brussel sprouts thats whatever but when its 'deliberately expose yourself to extremely triggering #things otherwise youre a bad person'. not so much #idk i feel like maybe its due to ppl feeling. agitated abt not being able to do anything abt it #like the government isnt listening and we're a world away so physically /all/ we can do really is sit and watch #so i can understand a) wanting to find someone to lash out at to alleviate that feeling #like if you cant stop the actual problem at the very least you can shout down the people supporting it right? #and b) seeing 'not watching' or even just 'not watching as closely as i am' as a transgression #bc well its all we can do so if youre not even doing that you must be bad #and its like. i really do get it. but the whole world is watching right now‚ like this is THE big news thing happening rn #so a few people choosing to avoid to subject will not make a single iota of difference #idk. i guess what im saying is if youre feeling the urge to yell at someone for not looking close enough #just donate some money to a support fund instead itll do a lot more

[toasteaa]

Ohohoh. Excuse if it's out of character since all the personalities I know are thanks to hcs I've read.

But imagine: Cyno making jokes that Tighnari considers annoying, and it gets more "frustrating" for him since you always laugh at them.

He calls it annoying at first.

But then, with time he notices the way his lips would unconsciously curve up at the sound of your laugh, how his ears twitch when his hearing catches the sound of it.

He's too proud to mention it or say anything about it, but he finds himself enjoying it more and more each day.

(Also, sorry if this is awkward or fucking random, I just thought about it and needed to share akdkskkssk, feel free to ignore me).

WAIT THIS IS SO CUTE I'M GONNA EXPLODE

I can't remember exactly off the top of my head but Tighnari entertains Cyno by listening to his jokes, but he's never like, cracking up over them. So to have someone there genuinely finding those bad jokes hilarious and hearing their laugh from halfway across the house is just...

He *is* annoyed. Because on what planet did Cyno say something funny enough to get *that* kind of response? The kind of laugh that he can tell has you crying and out of breath. If he was in the same room, he's sure his ears would be ringing uncomfortably.

But he realizes that he can't get that same laugh out of you on his own - not to that degree at least. There's a giggle here and there when he makes a snark remark and he can't help the twitch of his ears and tail at the lilt of it. But it's...different. Capped off, like you're trying to be respectful of him. It's thoughtful but...he doesn't know how it makes him feel.

When Cyno comes to visit again, bad jokes abound, Tighnari gets to hear that laugh again and it's so...so...frustrating. It's so loud and distinct and the joke wasn't even that funny but his ears are turning towards the sound and his burying his heated cheeks into the reports he's trying to finish before heading out for watch tonight and he has no idea why he's reacting like this, but he's considering asking the general mahamatra to stay for a few more days. If just to hear that infuriating laugh again.

#toast talks #genshin impacted #mape I am so sorry you have triggered the brainrot and now it will not go away #Cyno probably knows exactly what's going on and brings out even worse jokes just to watch Tighnari squirm #Ugh I love him #genshin impact #tighnari x reader #if you squint #call it pinning if you must #Tighnari is REALLY into you but emotions and logic don't mix for some reason #Capricorns you know?

[itspileofgoodthings]

💕💚

#so. Rambling on this my 28th birthday #I think I might have some kind of hormonal/mood imbalance #maybe. I think that could be likely #and I also think I have very fast emotional cycles #so I work through things quickly #and so I’m in kind of a pattern right now where I post in utter anguish #and the anguish is REAL and I am by no means faking it #but then it resolves. Not even the thing that causes the anguish but the feeling itself #and I just feel better and then I move on #and I am trying to get somewhat of a handle on what exactly it is #and I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation of what I post #but I guess also I would like to #and I think—as I type this out—that what’s happening to me right now #is TWO things #and one of those things is the very real very new pains of adulthood and life #that are hitting me like a shock to the system #but then ALSO some old emotional echoes that need to be purged from my psyche #that are not in fact how I want to deal with things or react to things #but which flare up in response to triggers #and cause anguish so bad it is literally physical #and I would love to be able to distinguish between the two #because there IS much that is hard and scary and painful and confusing in my personal life right now #and also there are simply old wounds and fears at play that I would like very much to set down #and allow myself to change. In response to which I would like to choose a new way of thinking!!!! #a truer and different attitude! #and yeah. it’s so hard. It’s SO HARD. It’s SO HARD TO ACCEPT THAT IT’s BOTH and it just AHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHJJ #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway thank you for listening and for seeing and for taking the cries of anguish posts #I guess I just wanted a follow-up of some kind #because sometimes I feel insane and I feel like I LOOK insane #and it’s awful

[hissterical-nyaan]

.

#don't you love it when you come home during festivals hoping to feel happy and get stress relief from college #but it ends up being more horrible and triggering than even college #cause your family just openly bitches about you and judges you while you're within earshot #repeating all the bad shit that you tell yourself when you're alone #confirming your fears of being the most horrible and inconsiderate person on earth #i feel exactly like I felt some 4-5yrs ago #sobbing on my bathroom floor trying to not harm myself further #it's a lost cause #i will never have a family who will understand #and now guess what I'm so exhausting that telling all this to my friends seems horrible too #there is only one way I'll ever be happy and god I hope its soon #I'm done with healing and trying to make people understand how much I suffer everyday #vent #I'm sorry I have no where else to go #delete later

[astranite]

--whiney rant and vent--- starts at tumblr but descends into my life.

Fucking tumblr!! *grabs tumblr and aggressively shakes it*

Some new hell update has made it so every time I reblog a post, i go right back to the top of my dash and have to scroll half a mile through the posts Ive already seen to get back to the ones i havent yet seen and want to see!! And even with the scroll bar it takes ages and breaks the loading and makes it nearly genuinely unusable!!!

But Im still going to even though it sucks, because tumblr is my designated scroll and look at characters time and be with mutuals. And yes this is a very small whiny thing to rant about, especially given the state of the damn world, but with the rest of my life imploding in many numbered crisises that even one of would be apparently considered a fairly major thing to have to deal with im now realsising because through massive amounts of avoidance id just gone "this is fine" despite being very reasonably banned from the word fine by 5 different people and then me, and then others going 'wow that really is alot' semihorrified, and I awkwardly laugh because i am used to this and its not that bad and whatever stupid shit i tell myself to keep going.

So yes, whining about tumblr because at this point its a load bearing coping mechanism. And its somewhat a last straw because i am barely hanging on as it is but ill deal with this like everything else because there isnt any other options.

#astra stuff #ill survive this i just got to be dramatic about it first #and some of this stuff i dont think im actually being dramatic about because its really not fine #yknow the stressed and terrified with the whole trying to move out and figuring out how possibly can i because at this point i really need #chronic illnesses being chronic annoyingly #trying to hold everyone together and then myself too #dumb panic attacks because im on a hair thin trigger but shrugging them off halfway through because i dont have time nor energy for this #the whole fucking cpstd thing which apparently psychologists dont hand out like halloween candy #so there really is a problem here given meeting the diagnostic critera #and what happened to me being just so incredibly Fine! #you can probably at this point see exactly the reason why i write scott like i do #okay apparently more dumb rant in the tags #and im getting really sick of the goverment social whatever services fucking hold music #plus the daily attempt convince my stupid emotions that nooo everyone does not despise me in particular that doesnt even make logical sense #ugh #cant exactly say im fine but i am getting help for what i can

[kraviolis]

i can tell when the author of a fanfic im reading had a peaceful childhood

#krav talks #not to pull the 'i have actual ptsd from a traumatic childhood' card but im gonna be real #i dont think some of y'all understand exactly what hunter's childhood was like #belos also most likely was not the verbally abusive type of parent. he was physically and emotionally abusive FOR SURE. ABSOLUTELY #but theres no shot he'd just yell at hunter. he doesn't get angry like that #case in point: What Happened To Caleb #hunter isnt gonna start crying from someone yelling at him out of anger. he'll get triggered MAYBE #hunter gets fighty if he gets triggered by ANY older authority figure. kikimora and lilith werent exactly kind to him either #the only way hunter cries is when his friends are around bcus he feels so safe with them #you know who would cry over being yelled at like that??? amity. #sure later in her life she probably got into screaming matches with odalia #but if u think even she wouldnt burst into tears if she got yelled at by any older female authority figure in her life #then u r wrong. sorry #hunter was not allowed to be vulnerable. it was too dangerous to be. he also had NO ONE while under belos's thumb. #amity had her siblings. they probably gave her safe spaces to cry it out after getting verbally abused by their mom #if lilith lost her patience and raised her voice at amity (not in a mean way bcus lilith would literally Never but no one is perfect) #amity would start crying for sure. and then lilith would feel like the worst person in the world. scum of the earth. #and god forbid hunter sees this exchange. he'd rip lilith a new one even if she'd already apologized #he wouldnt stop chewing her out for even daring to speak to The Amity Blight so disrespectfully unless amity physically pulled him away. #and then he'd threaten lilith and flash step amity away and immediately call luz #now if a MAN tried to yell at amity she would be three seconds away from throwing hands #but she wouldnt even need to worry about getting her hands dirty bcus hunter would already be shoving the man to the fucking ground #and threatening to end his entire life if he even stepped foot into hunter's field of view ever again #this is why its hard for me to imagine hunter living with darius post-belos... darius wasnt kind to him at first either. #and i think hunter living with someone who had actually had a role in his traumatic childhood would make him. regress #he'd fall back into old behaviors without even noticing. im not entirely sure darius would notice either #i love darius and i love darius & hunters bond so much #but it makes so much more sense and would be so much better for hunter to live with the nocedas for a while #not permanently. camila did great with paying for 6 kids under her roof but she was one emergency away from financial devastation #and i dont think hunter would want to live in the human realm permanently either

[mumblesplash]

ok mostly just getting this out of my head i think the reason i like stampede vashwood as much as i do despite not being much of a shipper in general is it resembles a dynamic i theoretically love but have never actually seen—where one character (A) is pining over a character (B) they know feels the same way about them.

because see for A these feelings are uncharted territory, a type of connection they’ve never formed before and maybe fear they never will again. even getting to the point where they admit their feelings to themself is like pulling teeth, but it’s something special to them.

meanwhile, character B has no reservations about their own feelings at all. they could give the most heartfelt declaration of love and mean every word of it as easy as breathing. they’ve loved A from the start and always will.

but in a sense, A’s feelings are unrequited anyway—the affection the two have for each other is equal, but it’s because B cares that much about everyone. it doesn’t matter if their feelings for A are romantic, deep down they probably don’t even know how to tell the difference between that and being whatever anyone wants them to be. and A knows this, so A can’t tell them what they want

ideally, this seemingly infinite capacity for compassion and love is part of what drew A to B in the first place (it at least can’t be something A resents or sees as unfair to them personally, that would miss the whole point). also ideally character B represents some sort of hope for a future A thought was impossible, escape from a dark past or a chance to become something better than they feel they are, but it’s a chance they can’t take without losing them

also also, this dynamic is angst-only. if they’re healthy enough to talk through their feelings and actually end up together they’re disqualified. it takes two specific types of disaster character for this to work properly, and any way it plays out will end up with everything falling apart horribly.

and like if i’m being honest here it’s barely even romantic. they probably never even get around to kissing and if they do they’re both convinced the other one doesn’t really mean it

#this is probably one of those ‘oh he’s been overtaken by the madness again’ types of posts isn’t it #oh well #re: the hope of escaping a dark past wolfwood is a good example of what i mean here because his whole ‘forcing himself to play the devil’ #thing is both the thing he feels he can’t escape and the thing that makes him ‘useful’ to vash #his willingness to pull the trigger when vash won’t is what makes him more than just another person vash loves #do u see what i mean. it’s about the tension of not being able to let love change you because the moment you do you’ll lose it #and like. this isn’t exactly what vashwood have going on per se #at least i don’t think? i never read the manga or even finished the original anime #but like you can see how the resemblance to this would get me Thinkin yk #mumbling

[blujayonthewing]

well I just spent an hour digging through my own dnd notes and social media and also almost cried because I mentioned, in passing, something justin had said about one of his NPCs and he, completely lightheartedly, was like '?? I don't remember that at all. [I mean I'm not making it up?] I think you might be making it up 😏'

#me-- instantly stressed and near tears: I know you're joking and it's not even important but. that isn't funny. to me. #I really wish there was a term for 'gaslighting but they're not doing it on purpose' #this is distinct from simply 'being wrong' because 'that's definitely not what happened 🤨' is a key part of it #the other person trying to convince me that I'm wrong and I must be crazy-- not for manipulation purposes but because THEY forgot #and are MUCH more confident in the possibility that I'm completely full of shit than that they maybe can't remember exactly #this is an extraordinarily specific thing that nonetheless happens to me ASTONISHINGLY OFTEN. #I mean clearly often enough that I'm now hair-trigger sensitive upset about it #AND TO CLARIFY QUICKLY-- that's not what justin even did (this time) but 'well I don't remember that' is still... #OKAY WELL I DO. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER BELIEVE ME. #trembling and crying searching for Receipts while explaining to my husband that it's not even that I don't think he believes me (this time) #I just. I just. I just. I'm not fucking crazy. I know you don't think I'm crazy. but I still feel like I Have to prove it. #my mom sending a package to the wrong address and then saying-- confidently and irritably-- 'you never GAVE me a unit number' #when I can scroll back up through texts to where I sent her our new address when we moved and it was complete and correct #my friend during our big stupid fight saying 'no one actually AGREED to that [dnd] plan except you and justin 😒' #going back into my audio recording to that conversation where everyone BUT him agreed #including his fucking pick-me 'yeah jay's being shitty right now' brother whose character said 'this sounds like a good plan' verbatim #like. I KNOW it's not just 'my memory vs theirs and we both assume we're right' #because SO OFTEN when this happens I have FUCKING RECEIPTS. that I'M NOT WRONG OR CRAZY. #no one ever wants to entertain the notion that I might know what I'm talking about. #I can't stress enough that I'm not mad at justin right now he was very much 'no I believe you! it's weird that I don't remember though' #which is fair! honestly! but I'm a LITTLE. sensitive. of the fact that everyone always ALWAYS automatically assumes I'm incorrect #and very often in a way that's a mark against my competence or character. #'well *I* couldn't *possibly* have gotten the address wrong so YOU must have fucked it up' #you know. it's like that. it's like that a lot. #maybe this only happens to me so much because I happen to be cursed with remembering things better than most people #or maybe I'm uniquely viewed as incompetent. who can say. #about me

[highwaydiamonds]

#journaling #art journaling #i've done couple spreads/pages from these affirmation cards i got last year with a set of stickers & planner thing i purchased #they weren't designed for this but i've used a couple of them that way #i feel like this is a very simplified - not exactly sanitized - but not NOT sanitized either version of how i've felt about things lately #there's been rather a lot of 'the suck" but i a working to try and keep my head up #oh - and because of the shiny surface the rectangle in the top left - is an image of hokusai's the great wave #i am so full of FEELING - i don't know where to put it all. it's like a spill running in too many directions #i don't know how to organize them or say them all without spreading some kind of infection around- triggering/dumping on other people #and maybe i am also simply tired on top of everything else - smh - but i am tryong to sit with these waves #to remind myself that i need to do what i can to mitigate things - that i know what some of these things ARE - even if i don't like them #and that i CAN do them - regardless #and the stuff i cannot change - that i don't have to absorb it all - that i can see it - and name it and admit it sucks and try and let go #and if - let go- isn't quite right then it's more do what i can to keep going anyway - then that's what i need to keep trying to do #i feel like i keep coming back to the mountain goats' lyrics from This Year: #There will be feasting and dancing in jerusalem next year - and i am gonna make it through this year if it kills me #embrace the suck

[bomberqueen17]

not to be crabby but whatever happened to people tagging for fucking gore

i have the tags for several shows blocked so i should not be seeing their gifsets anyway but if you're going to post a gifset of someone graphically slitting another person's throat i feel like it should be tagged with

literally anything

like i don't feel like that's a weird hangup on my part

if it were tagged with the fandom i would not have seen it and if it were tagged with something about the gore then i probably still would see it but at least that would be on me but to not fucking tag it at all is pretty fucking wild to me but i have now seen several gifsets of this incredibly violent scene from a fandom that i have blocked every iteration of the tag of and have had blocked for years so like

well that sucks and i don't want to see that and i'm cranky about it.

FUCKING TAG SHIT. Thanks.

#it's not exactly a trigger #but it does bad things to my brain #to watch people's jugular veins get punctured #and blood gush out #like wildly spurting #it's a thing i don't like #and try to avoid #and how the FUCK #am i supposed to AVOID IT #if you don't tag shit AT ALL #the easiest is that i find out what media includes that sort of thing and block the shit out of that #but GUESS WHAT #y'all fucking savages don't even tag what FANDOM shit is from #this post had ZERO TAGS OF ANY KIND #nor did it have ANY TEXT anywhere within it indicating what fandom it belonged to nor what it contained #so there was nothing for any of my filters to catch #THROW ME A FRICKING BONE HERE #AND LET ME NOT WATCH THROATS GET CUT #I DON'T THINK THIS IS A CRAZY THING TO ASK FOR

[pumpking64]

.

#Jesus fucking Christ #why do some people just. not see the mess they’re making and acknowledge that it’s their responsibility to clean up after themselves?? #like. you throw your shoes in the entrance exactly where people walk. you let shared loafers stand outside for several hours #you cook the most simple dinner that one time you cook (mind you the other people have equal shares of making food) #and yet you don’t even manage to clean up after neither the cooking NOR taking the food off the table into the fridge so it doesn’t turn bad #you keep on taking the most easy solution that fits you the best without thinking about others. in a space where we all are exhausted #and I’m so done with it for now tbh. how lazy to not care about the bare necessities for others. how rude to admit to it #AND on top of this. you’ll tell stuff about your country that’s *objectively horrifying* and then add on to that that you love your country #it’s just. so many things. are so so so much of what I’d avoid in a person. a few things is fine. no one’s perfect. but damn there’s a limit #SORRY to anyone who’s read this far but I just. had to get it out #this guy is the one I’m working the closest with these two and a half weeks. hes still a kid kind of. I’m not gonna be mean to him #but damn. my patience. is being tested #AHHH I might delete this tbh. I don’t like showing this side of myself. I don’t want to spread this kind of negativity #I’m just so very frustrated. how a human person can come to this place and be here for SO LONG already #and still not have learnt the basics of living and working together #own post #oh. and all the triggering of intrusive thoughts is not helping your case buddy #(which you can’t really know about so it’s kinda fair but also it’s for bad hygiene stuff mostly and that’s. I mean…..)

[sourkitsch]

Kind of spent the morning trying not to kill myself and my friend went out and bought me Susan Sontag Illness as Metaphor so I could read it when I felt better. Got called into work so I literally cannot cry rn but oh boy do I feel like it.

#for the life of me could not figure out what exactly triggered me but I know it happened last night #it definitely happened before the thing Robyn and I talked about but such a big coping mechanism failing like that didn’t help lol #I’m actually wondering if it happened while I was out to dinner? I got a drink I hadn’t had since I was a kid and started feeling off #almost immediately after the first sip but I just assumed it was an allergy thing. #tbh I did drink it exclusively when my grandfather would give it to me #but god does that feel lame lol #anyway my friends are nice even when they dont understand 👍

[craycraybluejay]

its not stalking its sneering at your terrible opinions and interpretations of art

#vagueblogging #i think im just rly mad bc #this person acted exactly like my abuser #and maybe it triggered me? #like down to the tactics and words used #down to the accusatory and superior tone #idk it infuriates me to see their(abuser) face and voice in other people #overwhelming urge to punch people like this #like ok i get that taking the high road would be sympathy and grey walling #and i try to grey wall #but its exceesingly harder when it comes from someone you dont expect this behaviour from #and worse still is the paranoia that they somehow converted this person to be like them #bc ive seen them do that to irls so theres just this paranoid residue of 'what if this random person ive never met talked to abuser too much #its scary watching it happen. watching this behaviour normalize in the brains of well past full grown adults and sometimes kids #i wish kindness was even half as contagious as cruelty

[wild-at-mind]

I wonder if I could develop a fetish for being the sheltered loser kid who needs to be taught to live a little in a teen movie.

#this is what i get for looking at a forced masc tumblr #just wondered if i can have ANY fun with this weird trigger that i have #because as if often the case what triggers you/upsets you also has the potential to arouse you...maybe idk #truth is the above scenario actually is a trigger of mine. the idea of being shamed for being sheltered #and a prude who is seen as judgemental of others so needs to be fucking destroyed in an unsafe way #like i'm not even that sheltered on the scale of shelteredness! i wasn't raised fundie or anything. #but still i kind of self identify with the loser who 'needs to live a little'- i watch anything with that trope and i'm always like #'god leave them be' you know?! #i think the principle comes from the idea that anyone not partaking must be judging #(i get that because i also feel judged constantly for no reason but it's not something i can force others to change about) #recently a netflix comedy-drama called white lines was the trigger for this- i recommend it overall but there were a few too many moments #another thing is the main character constantly having to prove she had 'had fun' in the past to be worthy and valid #it's a good drama i'm not exactly selling it but yeah watch it just beware of this if it's a trigger for you too. #anyway fuck me can i get one good brain day around here.

[bookwyrminspiration]

why is legacy your least favourite of the series now? (btw I haven’t reread kotlc in forever all I remember is that Tam is gone and Keefe is having a Bad Time)

I think what happened is that upon rereading the other 2 I disliked, I realized their faults weren't as bad as I'd remembered, and Legacy just has very little to draw me in, and everything else is not to my taste. I'd been denying it for a while I think, trying to stay positive, but in being honest with myself this last reread it just really bothers and upsets me at times. I can try to articulate it, but there's a lot of layers that even I don't understand to my reaction, so heads up

(nothing against anyone who enjoys legacy!! i'm simply not one of you. this is your warning that this is a more critical/less positive post and perspective on legacy. if you don't want to see that, don't look)

Sophie's relationships are an inevitable part of the story the way it's written; it becomes very prevalent here, and none of it's positive, it's just more conflict--and not even satisfying conflict, to me. I'm queer in a way that doesn't involve romance and attraction, and I could not care less about Sophie's drama. And I know people talk about the importance of connecting to stories about people with experiences you don't have, but I don't think this is one of them. I've read fantasy stories with conflicted romance before, and even though I'm very attached to these characters...I just don't care for how Shannon's doing it.

I won't deny that part of it is frustration and anger knowing how some people take what happened in Legacy to further unfairly demonize Fitz (who is one of my top 2 characters)--and that part of that will be done in a "see how toxic Fitz is? Keefe is so perfect for her instead" kinda way. Which bothers me because it ignores so much about so many characters, not just Fitz. And I know they are entitled to their thoughts and interactions as much as I am, and I try not to let it get to me too much (curating my own experience and all that), but I can't deny that I'm at least aware of it. And that that knowledge negatively impacts my reading experience when I become more conscious of it. at least at the moment

And I suppose it also just makes it obvious the disconnect between me and the story. I can brush past Sophie's crush musings and brief flustered moments. But an entire book where a significant conflict is her failing relationship and searching for her parents to try and fix said relationship? It's like a whole book of "hey! here's something really important to most people!! that isn't to you! remember how different you are?" To be clear, I don't mind being different, I quite like the kind of queer I am. I don't want to change it.

It's more like a...well now I have to put up with and trudge through this tiresome stereotypical shit in a series I really like, too? I poke a lot of fun, but Keeper is genuinely a really important and prevalent series in my life, even though its not my favorite. And it's like...here, too?

I'm not opposed to relationships in fiction, there are several I quite enjoy and they can have very important places and purposes! Keeper just isn't one of them that really speaks to me--at least in canon. I don't like how sophitz was written, I don't like how Sophie's been characterizing Fitz and Keefe, I don't like her reaction to and focus on her match status even though I understand it from a character perspective. Their relationships just haven't been the compelling kind to me

I could try and link all this to like, poor writing or inconsistent characterization or catering to fans and things like that. I could probably come up with a polished argument if I tried, make it technical and about a bunch of mistakes made but at the end of the day? it's really just not to my taste. I just don't like it, even though I can logically understand why most things happened, how they were in character and contribute to their development. I just don't like what happened. I don't like how romance focused it was and how relationships panned out. I'm disappointed sophitz ended how it did, how the characters behaved in their relationships, how Sophie reacted to her match status, her inability to pull herself together for a while, how sidelined Tam's kidnapping felt, how some people will demonize Fitz, etc.

I read keeper for entertainment, and there just was nothing for me. I do what I can to appreciate its place in the series, and to acknowledge when it is true to the characters, including in ways I can't connect to. But this isn't a series I read for self betterment or learning or anything, it's for fun and none of what happened was fun for me (meaning fun in like a satisfying entertainment way including heartbreak and tragedies and horrors, not that it has to be silly and light hearted)

That was probably more than you were expecting; it was more than i was expecting! But it's such a visceral reaction that it's hard to identify and translate, and I'm sure there's more to it I haven't uncovered. in fact as I was writing this the process helped me think through more of my reaction, so thanks for the opportunity :)

#kotlc #kotlc discourse #<- just in case because I am saying more critical things #quil's queries #nonsie #i feel like there's more to it as well but like I said. it's like this deep seated visceral upset in my chest #I don't know what triggers it exactly or how to put it into words #it just upsets me. legacy upsets and frustrates me #trying to be very honest with myself about that to see if it helps me figure it out #its not just technical things #just the events and opinions and actions the characters take upset me sometimes #and legacy is like. a really concentrated instance of that #i don't know if any of this makes sense #it doesn't even fully make sense to me #and I keep trying to logic it out #alas. feelings don't like listening to logic #i'll probably keep thinking about it and figure something else out