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igottoomuchwriting · 5 years

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Secret Agent Jack “Oblivious” Kelly

“What’s with that smile, Crutchie?” Jack asked as he walked into their shared apartment. Crutchie was sitting on the couch with his leg rested on the coffee table. He had been smiling brightly at his phone when Jack walking in, but didn’t even bother to look up from his phone.

“Oh, just my boyfriend,” he responded. Jack snapped his head up from his shoe laces and turned his head to look at his best friend.

“Yer what now?” Crutchie looked up from his phone with a confused look.

“My boyfriend?”

“Since when have ya had a boyfriend?” Crutchie just stared blankly at him before turning back to his phone.

“A while.”

“Okay,” Jack sighed. “Who is yer boyfriend?”

“Someone of the male species.” He obviously wasn’t going to give this information up, and Jack was actually shocked. His best friend had a boyfriend, didn’t tell him when he got one, and now won’t tell him who it is?

“Do I know them?”

“Oh, most definitely,” Crutchie laughed. “For a while, actually.”

“Then who is it, Crutch?” Crutchie said nothing. He stood up from the couhc and grabbed his crutch before turning and shooting Jack a smile.

“You’ll see.”

---

“‘You’ll see’?!” Jack almost screeched. David flinched at the noise, resisting the urge to kick Jack out of his apartment. “Who the hell just says ‘you’ll see’ and walks away?”

“Apparently Crutchie does,” David stated. Jack groaned and flopped down on the couch, throwing his head in David’s lap and covering his eyes with his forearm.

“How could he do this to his best friend?” David hummed.

Unknown to Jack, David knew who Crutchie was dating. In fact, everyone in their group did. Though, when Crutchie told the group chat, Jack had just turned off his phone to get on a flight, and by the time he turned it back on, the conversation had passed.

Jack was the type of person who would ignore past messages in a group chat if it’s not urgent, and no one had told him it was urgent. This resulted in everyone in the group knowing who Crutchie’s boyfriend was, and Crutchie had texting them in a secret group chat (that they deleted immediately after due to guilt) to not tell Jack.

With how much Crutchie was considered a ray of sunshine, he was a real asshole when he wanted to be

“I’ve got it!” Jack exclaimed. David jumped as his boyfriend flew from his lap, cursing in his head. If he continued with this, David was tempted to just break up with him.

“What?” David sighed.

“I’ll spy on ‘im! He can’t hide it too much, right?” David stared at his over-excited boyfriend with a look of disbelief.

“You cannot spy on Crutchie, Jack.”

“An’ why not?”

“That’s a breach of his privacy!” he clipped. “Not to mention, he may lose trust in you.” Jack glared at David, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I already lost my trust for him, so I believe this is only fair.” David stared at him in shock. His boyfriend, whose spirit animal is an over excited cat, thought that spying on his best friend was they way to find out who Crutchie was dating.

“In what world is disrespecting someone’s privacy fair?”

“My world, Davey,” Jack smiled. He leaned over and gave David a peck on the lips before leaping off the couch.

“I gotta go. Love ya!” With that, he was gone.

David took a deep breath and placed his head in his hands, letting out a deep sign.

This was going to be a while.

---

One thing Jack hated about Crutchie--probably the only thing-- was that he got up early in the morning. Very early. It’s part of the reason his nickname was “ray of sunshine”. Sometimes he made breakfast for the two of them, which Jack loved, but the only downside was that he didn’t know how to be quiet.

Jack groaned as he heard a pan drop into the sink with a loud crash. He may have gone to sleep at two in the morning, but that didn’t bother Crutchie at all.

Jack grudgingly sat up in his bed, though he kept his blanket cocoon wrapped around himself as he grabbed his phone and moved out of his bedroom.

He found Crutchie humming in the kitchen, cutting up broccoli as eggs fried in the frying pan behind him. There were two coffee cups set on the counter right next to some plates that Crutchie had already laid out.

Jack walked into the kitchen and grabbed the mug closest to him, making his way to the coffee maker. Crutchie turned around and gave him a smile.

“Good morning, grumpy pants,” he hummed. Jack glared at him as the coffee brewed, not answering the blonde boy. Crutchie laughed and shook his head. He stepped over to the stove, barely using the counter as support, sprinkling broccoli into the omlette as well shredded cheese. “Breakfast should be ready soon, so go and brood in the dining room until it’s done.” Jack nodded his head and quickly grabbed his freshly poured cup of coffee and the sweetner he needed before sitting down, tiredly staring at his phone.

It was nice to just sit in quiet with Crutchie, where neither of them felt the need to talk. It had taken years for them to get to that point of their friendship, but it was worth waiting for that to happen.

“Oh!” Crutchie yelled over the noise of the frying pan cooling down in the sink. “I forgot to tell you that I’m going out to coffee in a bit.” Jack shot him a confused look.

“With who?”

“Why does it matter?” he mocked. Jack got up from where he was sitting and walked over to Crutchie.

“Cause I gotta make sure that my best friend isn’ goin’ ta go out and get himself kidnapped.” Crutchie rolled his eyes at Jack’s antics. He has always been protective of Crutchie since they have met in high school, always checking in on him when he went on dates or when he was somewhere new that may not be 100% accessible to him. Jack walked out of the kitchen, omelettes in hand, and Crutchie followed in suite.

“I’ll be fine Jack. I know they aren’t going to kidnap me, they would have nothing to gain from it.”

“Kidnapping a cute blonde? I beg to differ.” Crutchie shot him a knowing look and Jack shut up.

“I’ll be fine Jack.”

Soon after Crutchie left, Jack franticly texted Race.

To raceSLUT: hey do u work today

From raceSLUT: yeah y?

To raceSLUT: crutch is goin to a coffee date and i wanna see who he is with

Race didn’t respond right away. He assumed he had either been at work already, getting ready for work, or distracted by Spot. He is rarely away from his phone.

From raceSLUT: jack r u askin me to spy on ur roommate???

To raceSLUT: yes

From raceSLUT: how much

To raceSLUT: are u askin for $$??

From raceSLUT: staring at ur roommate will take time outta my work day

To raceSLUT: u wont be workin anyway

From raceSLUT: “if your good at something never do it for free”

To raceSLUT: i will give u $10 if you never quote joker again

From raceSLUT: deal

Jack sighed and rubbed his face. Race was a douchebag sometimes, but he honestly was a good guy. Even if he drove Jack up the wall sometimes.

His phone buzzed unexpedicately.

From raceSLUT: i will revoke that 10$ if u txt spot rn that he is a short bitch

To raceSLUT: what? What r u 2 doing??????

From raceSLUT: dont question just do it

Not wanting to be out ten dollars, Jack opened up the text messages between his brother and him.

To lil’ bitch: just a daily reminder that ur a lil fucking bitch - ur loving brother

From lil’ bitch: Did race put you up to this

To lil’ bitch: whether he did or not doesnt mask the truth spottie

---

It turns out Crutchie had gone to get coffee with David. When Race told him that, Jack became a little bit pouty. He knew his boyfriend and his best friend were good friends and hung out with just the two of them from time to time, but everytime they did, Jack always got a little jealous. Not in a toxic way, no. He even talked to a counselor about it to make sure that he didn’t become so jealous that he was being controlling and toxic.

Everyone knew he loved both of them, and even though he got jealous, it was not just because David was hanging out with other people, but that the ‘other people’ were his best friend.

And he wanted to hang out with his best friend. But he also wanted to hang out with his boyfriend.

“Jack, this is why Crutchie and I never tell you we are going to hang out,” David sighed. Jack had went over the David’s house after Racetrack told him that he was the one Crutchie went out with coffee with. When he showed up, David had been laying down on the couch, reading, and Jack just walked over and laid down on top of him, burying his face in David’s neck.

“Let me brood in piece, Davey,” Jack mumbled.

“Jack, you’re laying on my book. I would let you brood in piece if you hadn’t interrupted my peace.” Jack lifted his head and smiled widely at David.

“I’m way more peaceful.” Before David could reply, Jack leaned forward and placed a kiss on his lips. David sighed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Jack’s lower back.

A few moments later, they pulled apart.

“Seriously, you should move a bit so I can get my book. I don’t want to bend the pages.” Jack groaned and lifted his upper body off of David. He quickly grabbed the book and Jack laid back down as David checked the pages, marking his spot in the book.

“So,” David began, “how did you know that Crutchie and I met up together?” Jack hummed and placed a kiss on his neck.

“I had Race tell me who he went to the coffee shop with.” David groaned and smacked the back of Jack’s head. Jack lifted his head up and glared at David. “Hey! Why’d ya do that?”

“You dragged Race into your creepy spying?”

“It’s not creepy!”

“That’s exactly what this is, Jack.”

“Well, he still won’t tell me who he is dating, so I took matters into my own hands.” David threw his head back in annoyance.

“Won’t he be mad when he figures out?”

“Nah,” Jack hummed. “He threatened ta do the same thing when you and I got together.”

“You didn’t tell him we got together?” Jack awkwardly laughed and pushed himself up on his arms.

“Yeah, I uh, was nervous because you was the first boy that I have been with?” David just stared at him. He opened his mouth to respond, but closed his eyes, changing his mind.

“We can talk about that another time. But I still stand by that you should not be stalking your best friend.”

“It’s gon’ happen, Dave.” This conversation was getting nowhere. David loves his boyfriend very much, but he knew when he had to end a conversation before it became a fight.

David put his hand on the back of Jack’s head and pulled him back into the hug, humming.

“Alright. But can you please stop getting jealous when Crutchie and I hang out?”

“...that I can work on.”

---

It was rare that Jack’s whole friend group had a chance to get together. Everyone was pursuing different majors and had different levels of homework and tests that they had to do. They finally had a Saturday where everyone was free. What do the do with that free day?

Drink to forget in Jack and Crutchie’s apartment, obviously.

“Jack,” David groaned. Jack laughed and took another shot, Racetrack cheering him on. “Jack, you have work tomorrow. You are going to be hung over.”

“Oh, quit grippin’,” he mumbled. “I ain’t even tha’ drunk yet.”

“Yet-”

“He’s fine, Mouth,” Spot laughed. “Let the man be stupid, he’s a dumb shit.”

“I side with Davey,” Crutchie spoke up. He was sitting with Finch on the couch, legs thrown over the boy so that there was more room on the floor for people to sit. For some reason, most of their friends perfer sitting on the ground.

“You should take some shots, Dave!” Racetrack hollored. Jack cheered along Blink and Mush, trying to peer pressure his boyfriend. David rolled his eyes.

“I’m these guys’ ride, I can’t drink anything.”

“Leave ‘im alone, guys,” Finch laughed. Jack turned towards him and watched Crutchie shake his head at them and hide his head in Finch’s shoulder. Jack smiled at that. When he first met Crutchie, he was very against touch. It was mainly his leg, but he wasn’t very keen on people touching him in general, so to avoid this, he wouldn’t touch anyone else either. Now, he was loved leaning into all his friends, giving hugs, everything that he could at every chance that he got.

“Jack?” Crutchie broke him out of his drunken thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“Can you go get me my phone? I forgot it in my room.”

“Why can’t ya get it?” He gave Jack a look as if he was the stupidest man in the world.

“I just got comphy.” Jack groaned but got up anyway.

It wasn’t hard for him to find Crutchie’s phone. He always kept it on his charger when he left his room.

Just as he took Crutchie’s phone off the charger it clicked in his mind that he could find who his boyfriend is. Crutchie didn’t keep a lock on his phone because he never felt a need to hide anything from anyone.

Quickly, Jack opened up his messages, just so he could find out who this mystery boy is, once and for all.

For being best friends with Crutchie for years, Jack realized that he had never actually looked at Crutchie’s phone. Maybe to play a game when he needed something to do with his hands while he watched TV, but that was about it. He never realized that Crutchie didn’t have names under his phone.

They were all fucking emojis.

There was a car emoji, some buildings and a sky line, pink hearts, red hearts, green hearts. He had so many messages too, so Jack couldn’t even narrow down who would be the boyfriend.

“Jack!” he heard Finch yell. “What’s takin’ so long? I’m gettin’ antsy!”

“It ain’t even yer phone, Finch!” Jack hollored back. He scrolled through all the texts with hearts in the name. One had pink hearts, one had red hearts, one had green hearts and a bird…

I wonder what mine is? His drunken mind decided to chime in. Giving up on his mission, Jack quickly whipped his phone out and texted Crutchie a meme that he has been waiting to show the boy, and waited for the text to appear on his screen.

When it did, Jack quickly clicked on the message and looked at the top of the screen. The only emoji there was an angry emoji with a cowboy hat on top of his head. He was mad but also… a little touched?

“Jack, did you pass out?” David called. Jack cursed and closed out of the message app, quickly rushing out of the room.

“Sorry, got distracted,” he hummed, tossing the phone to Crutchie. Finch caught it for him, as his hand was in Finch’s hair, lazily playing with his brown locks.

“It’s been five minutes but yer already behind, cowboy!” Race tossed him an unopened beer bottle, and the rest of the night was history.

---

Jack was losing his mind. It has been weeks of him spying on Crutchie, trying to find out who his boyfriend was, and he wasn’t anywhere closer to finding out. David had guessed that Crutchie knew what Jack was doing and was trying to hide anything that pointed to his boyfriend, but Jack shut that down. He knew that he had been sneaky enough where even if Crutchie had his suspicions, he wouldn’t be able to plant anything on Jack.

He was reaching the end of his line. He was so close to just beggin on his knees for Crutchie to tell him who his boyfriend is. He just wants to know who it is so that he can make sure that they don’t hurt Crutchie, and if he does, he knows who to hurt.

“You good, Jack?” Crutchie asked. Jack was lying face down on the couch and only gave a groan in response. Crutchie raised an eyebrow at his best friend.

With a sigh, he walked over to Jack and sat down on his legs, as Jack had left no room on the couch for him to sit.

“What’s bothering ya?” Jack turned his head so that he could see Crutchie out of the corner of his eye.

“Who’s yer boyfriend?”

“That’s what your upset about?” Jack scowled.

“Well don’ say it like that!”

“Jack, you’ve met him.”

“Well,” Jack sighed. “I still don’t know who it is!” Crutchie laughed and patted his back. Before he could say anything, his voice chimed. Jack recognized it has a bird chirp. It wasn’t long ago that Crutchie had changed his ringtone to that. Jack never really understood why, but he thought that Crutchie was just going through a phase that involved nature.

Crutchie started laughing hysterically and Jack looked back at him in concern.

“Good news, Kelly.” He hopped off Jack’s legs and grabbed his crutch, shooting Jack a smile. “He’s here.”

Jack shot up and stared at him with wide, scared eyes.

“He’s what?!” There was a knock on the door. Jack shot up and watched as Crutchie walked over to the door and open it up.

“Hey babe,” Crutchie warmly greeted.

“Hey.” He recognized that voice. Quickly, Jack marched over and looked over Crutchie’s shoulder to see who the mystery man is, once and for all.

“Finch?!” Finch eyes snapped to Jack’s, wide in surprise and confusion. “You’re Crutchie’s boyfriend?”

“...Yeah?” he asked, looking back at Crutchie, who still had a bright, mocking smile one his face. “I thought everyone knew?”

“Jack here missed the message of us announcing it,” Crutchie explained. He leaned into Finch, who immediatly wrapped his arm around his waist, while turning his body towards Jack. “We’ve been very obvious about it.”

Jack stared at the couple, processing everything he knew. What were the signs? Crutchie had said it was someone he knew. Were there signs that he should have noticed?

“The birds!” he exclaimed. This time, both Crutchie and Finch gave him a confused look.

“What birds?” Crutchie questioned.

“Yer name for him in your phone has a bird emoji, and yer text message ringtone is a finch noise!” Jack threw his arms in the air. “How did I not know?!”

“Jack,” Crutchie hissed, as if he had revealed something secret.

“Aw,” Finch cooed, pulling Crutchie closer against his body. “You has a speical ringtone set for me?” Crutchie mumbled something, but looked off to the side, avoiding eye contact with both boys.

“When did you guys get together?”

“A few months ago,” Crutchie answered, still looking down at the ground.

“Yeah, we texted the group chat about it. I thought you had seen it.” Jack gave him a confused look.

“I don’ remember seeing a text like that?”

“That’s because you didn’t.” Crutchie finally looked back up to his best friend. “You were on a plane back from Santa Fe, so you didn’t get the messages. When you had landed, the conversation was over, and you don’t like looking back through messages. Therefore, you missed the announcment.”

“Wait, so everyone knew?!” Finch and Crutchie both nodded their heads. Jack glared at the couple before grumbling and pulling out his phone. “I’m calling my fuckin’ boyfriend. Bastard held this information from me willingly.”

Finch and Crutchie watched him stalk away while holding the phone up to his ear. They distantly heard him scold David before he disappeared into the bedroom.

The couple looked back at each other for a split second before bursting out laughing.

“I’m glad he finally figured it out,” Finch mumbled, pressing a kiss to Crutchie’s forehead. The smaller boy smiled and nodded his head.

“Yeah. He ain’t the most observant, but I knew he would get it one day.”

“And if he didn’t?” Finch raised his eyebrow. Crutchie smiled and pulled him into the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

“He’d be very confused when I tell him I’m engaged.” Both men smiled wide, happy for a relationship and belief that this is the one.

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