#oocpa

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#polyam problems #polyamory #ethical non monogamy #thoughts #oocpa #just my thoughts

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#polyamory #polyam problems #polyamory questions #oocpa #out of context

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I found this meme quite annoying, as I don't think it is for me to police other ppls relationships. Especially the "might" bit.

What do other people think?

#polyamory #oocpa #just my thoughts #polyamory questions #out of context

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Someone who was concerned dating separately with zero veto with her husband but potentially organically forming a triad was Unicorn Hunting.

I would say the hope is not making you a UH. It will all come down to how you let the connection between partner and meta grow. If organically, zero pressure and I would suggest not even mentioning it, no pressure at all, other than maybe a comment in passing regarding your spouse and you potentially separately dating the same person. The reason I would suggest "separately" at first is two fold. One, she doesn't think you're a package deal. Two, her relationship with your spouse may be different/incompatible to her relationship with you (this can be a thing in the kink spaces I play in)

Good on you for thinking about this early on. And best of luck.

#polyamory #oocpa #just my thoughts #out of context #polyamory questions #new to polyamory #polyam problems

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This made me cackle.

#polyamory #oocpa #meme #laughter

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#polyamory #oocpa #polyamory questions #just my thoughts #out of context #emotional labour

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#polyamory #oocpa #polyamory questions #just my thoughts #out of context #don’t ask don’t tell #DADT #polyamory ethics

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My terrible horrible and I cannot stop giggling reply to this:

Is this my real life

No its just fantasy

Sitting on bus ride

Females all over me

I open my eyes

I reach for her thighs

And scream

Oh for some reason

She seems to be macing me

Its because she's easy come

What a ho

Now she smiles

But i know

Everywhere a Female is

Always means she's coming on

To me....

#polyamory #oocpa #just my thoughts #out of context #i shouldn't be allowed to song #still giggling

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A young person with a partner that said he was okay with polyamory and then changed his mind, and is threatening them, is in a mental health crisis and about to go into treatment:

Take the time that you're in treatment to.focus on you and your needs (been there myself). And talk to therapists etc about this situation. Honestly it doesn't sound like he was fair with you in the beginning, or is in any way helping your mental health now that you're in crisis. The most important person to look after now, is you. Good luck x

#polyamory #oocpa #polyamory questions #just my thoughts #mental health #mental health crisis #mental health trearment #abuse

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In reply to someone who wants to disclose their (lucid, sane) partners medical information to a biological relative against their partners express wishes (and yes, I am angry as anything)

This is going to sound harsh, but I am speaking from my own experience here:

I agree with ■■■■, OP. These are your emotions to manage and definitely not your information to share.

Your partner has been clear they does not want her informed. DO NOT INFORM THEM.

For background, someone did this to me once "for my own good". It put me right back in the middle of an abusive situation during a mentally and physically vulnerable time.

I walked away from the person concerned and never looked back,because the only reason they did it was because they thought their emotional reaction to a situation they knew little to nothing about, and their own hangups about friends and family were more important than my reality.

It came very fucking close to tipping me over the edge.

I cannot be clearer on "do not do it". Your partner is lucid. They've made their choice. Fucking respect it.

#polyamory #oocpa #polyamory questions #just my thoughts #out of context #polyamory and medical information #not your circus not your monkeys #stay in your lane

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In answer to what one thing would you want to have in your poly-starter pack

Just the knowledge that you can chill and take it at your own pace. It very much is a journey, not a destination.

#polyamory questions #polyamory #oocpa #out of context #just my thoughts #new to polyamory

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I had similar with a now ex husband who was 11 years older than me. In hindsight it had a hell of a lot to do with him being insecure that I was younger and on an upwardly mobile trajectory while his career and goals were starting to wind down. He gaslit me completely and I ended up massively isolated from my friends.

I would separate out the issues of poly from those of how your husband treats you. I dont think it would be fair on your mental health to try do all the work associated with being poly while this other stuff is going on.

At the end of the day, I loved my ex husband very much. It wasn't a healthy kind of love, and looking back on it, I feel like a complete idiot.

I am happy to chat more about this via PM (tell me if you send one as messenger is being special)

Best of luck

In answer to a question from someone with a large age gap between her and her husband, with him denigrating her for her looks, wondering if opening up their relationship would help.

#polyamory #answer #out of context #oocpa #just my thoughts

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Someone in a polyamorous relationship asked about how to split finances (lots of other context but not applicable to answer)

I'll answer the actual ask as everyone else is talking about what a shit situation this is.

My husband and I earn our own money, roughly equally. We both contribute to a shared account where joint bills come from. We both also have our separate accounts, and separate credit cards. We have absolutely no joint credit. (My ex husband was an ass. Won't ever do that again)

#polyamory #oocpa #polyamory questions #just my thoughts #out of context #polyamorous finances

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In reply to a person in a closed triad who gets anxious when her partners have a date together and acts out. She wanted to know if she was "normal"...

You are not unusual or abnormal. You're human just like the rest of us.

What I would suggest to start with is trying to separate our how you feel from how you act. You are totally allowed to have any feelings you want as they are yours. However how you act on them influences other people.

If that works (and it might take a while), hopefully that will lessen your anxiety around you two partners being together, as it will be just the anxiety due to them, and not also the anxiety of how you will behave on top of that.

then you can start to look at why you feel the way you do.

Be gentle with yourself. It sounds as if you have a bit of unpacking to do, but you seem to care for and value them highly.

Good luck!

#polyamory #closed triad #just my thoughts #oocpa #jealousy

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I code straight. Which is hilarious as I am pretty much the definition of people (qty, more than one) not plumbing.

In answer to someone asking about how you deal with being bi and polyamorous and everyone thinking you're hitting on them.

#polyamory #oocpa #coding straight #bisexual #just my thoughts

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I would start with trying to understand if she's up for KTP in the first instance (one of those terrifying parallel poly people here). If she is, great. If not, maybe she'd be up for being friends with you separately to her relationship with your partner (this is what my husband tends to do with his metas)... not meaning to rain on your parade at all, just know that if I was asked to KTP as someone who both has huge social anxiety and curates friendship viciously I would flail and quite possibly run in the other direction. If someone however was at mine and partner was doing X and they came and chatted with me in the kitchen, or suggested we go for a walk (low key, time limited, other things I can focus on if I'm feeling odd) I would be much more chilled.

In reply to a very lovely excited lady who really really wants to be friends with her meta because her meta seems like a lovely person.

#polyamory #oocpa #out of context #just my thoughts #kitchen table polyamory #solo polyamory #parallel polyamory