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tlouadditc · 9 months

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screw the cops!!

cop!ellabs x dealer!reader

warnings: 18+, MDNI, smut with plot, mentions of drugs [marijuana], cop!ellabs, dealer!reader, a lil bit of knifeplay, dom!ellabs, sub!reader, use of y/n, reader gets cut a lil bit oops!, probably more but i cant think of it rn

last minute a/n: this was another ask i forgot to put under the question ☹️ anyway thank u for the ask!!

[10:06 pm]

MY FAV ;): heyyy u got an 8th?? i can pick up at the library in 15 :)

you read the text, grumbling as you get up from your couch. you quickly shoot back:

YOU: lmk when ur there

it was supposed to be an off-day; sit in your dorm, watch tv, maybe have someone over, but no. everyone needed your shit at all times. she's lucky she's your favorite -- otherwise you would've told her to fuck off.

locking your door behind you, you get in your car and pull out of your driveway. as you glide through the gentle darkness, you feel random anxiety, like something bad is happening. it could be the lack of sleep. it could be the upcoming deadline you haven't started. it could also be the fact the entire campus is being searched because some dumbass freshman left his- no, sorry, YOUR- weed in his dorm and got the cops called. he didn't snitch luckily; he knows you would've gotten him killed if he did. but now there's a patrol going on until they find who's distributing. it's not like you wanted to live this life- you barely graduated high school, getting a small scholarship to a local college. the debt hit you, parents refused to help you anymore because you're an adult, blah blah blah blah. you ended up here to finally make a stable income and not have to chose between being warm or being fed consistently.

the sob story makes you cringe, snapping back into reality as you park in a spot by the front of the campus library. you pull out your phone and send:

YOU: here. wya

3 bubbles quickly pop up, written with a response:

MY FAV ;): kk coming out now

as you read the text, you hear the front doors swing open and a tall, slim figure gets larger as it comes closer. as she steps into the streetlight, you see her; sophomore dina. her long, onyx hair dances down her back as she comes closer to your car. she rests one arm on your window, other arm reaching into her pocket. she pulls out 35 bucks, tilting her head to the side slightly and smirking. you hand her a small baggie and take the bills out of her hand, shoving it into your pocket. "you're the best," she gushed, taking her arm off your window. she starts to turn to walk back to the library when she says, "oh, by the way, gave my friend your number."

you freeze, looking up at her in pure horror. "you what?"

"okay, chill, she's cool," she quickly explains, putting a hand on her hip in annoyance.

you roll your eyes, "the entire campus is getting fucking raided, for god's sake. cmon, dina."

"so, what? not everyone's a dumbass like that kid was."

you sigh. you guess she's right. plus, more business for you in the long run. she gives some information about this girl; her names ellie. she's a sophomore majoring in astrophysics who transferred from another school in jackson. around 5'5, auburn hair, science nerd. "pretty sure she's gay, too," dina winks.

you roll your eyes once more before pulling out and returning home. as soon as you unlock the door and step in, you check your other phone, an unknown number's texts sitting on the lock screen.

[UNKNOWN NUMBER]: hii this is y/n right?

[UNKNOWN NUMBER]: dina gave me ur number

gotta be ellie, you think to yourself. kinda cute. you don't respond; you hate small talk. no point in trying to get to know each other if you already know what they want. you put your phone down and start to get ready for bed.

an hour later, you get out of your shower and into comfy clothes. as you get into your freshly made bed, your other phone buzzes. you would usually ignore it, but you remember; debate checking the message or leaving it alone until tomorrow. eventually, curiosity gets the best of you and you check your phone. you groan as you read the message:

[11:37pm]

EL: i know its late but can u drop off? i need it :(

goddamnit, leave me alone!

you type up some message along the lines of 'im off today, ask tomorrow bitch,' but decide to be nice. you don't know why, but you only respond with the following:

YOU: off today. ask tmr

3 dots in a bubble move swiftly as a response pops up on your screen:

EL: pleaaaaase itll be quick

you sigh. she's not gonna let up; just like dina.

YOU: fine. ill b at the library.

she hearts your message as you throw on some sweatpants and grab your keys. you go on the same drive but you feel no anxiety this time. it's a newbie, for god's sake- she's the one who's probably nervous. you even put on some music this time, drake lowly lulling in your vehicle. you pull up, same spot as earlier, and you turn down your music. you go to text her, but the doors open before you can press a letter. she's just as dina described- until she gets up to your window. her scattered freckles complimented her bright, emerald eyes. her friendly expression made you soft under her gaze. you didn't realized she was talking for a while until she whispered, "uh... hello?"

"what?" you said, clearly perplexed. she smiled as you remembered what you're there for. she hands you 25 bucks as you place the baggie in her free hand. she lets out a silent "thanks" before you get ready to drive back home.

"uh, actually," she suddenly blurted out, catching your attention. she seemed nervous, like she had something to say, but she was scared of the outcome. "do you mind.. uh.. giving me a ride back home? i mean i walked down here and it's dark so-"

"hop in," you interrupted. it was pretty dark and you wouldn't want patrol on her ass about being out by herself, so you decided to get it over with. she pranced around to the passengers side and practically jumped in.

the ride to her dorm was quiet. ellie was on her phone the entire time; you assumed it was her roommate asking her where she's at. there was a bit of tension you could feel in the air; what type? you couldn't answer that.

coming to a stop at the entrance of her dormitory, she thanked you once again before you prepared to go home yourself.

"you could stay the night," she mumbled, fumbling with the bag in hand.

"what? no- no, i can't do that," you answered. you weren't against staying over, but... going home with someone you literally met an hour ago? absolutely not.

"jus' c'mon. it's late," she insisted, biting her lip anxiously. "plus, i owe you." you sight and give in, turning off the engine and ignition before grabbing your keys and phone and joining her on the walkway. she smiled politely and led you to her dorm.

the entire time you were walking with her, you assessed her appearance in clearer light. her hair was a shaggy cut, parted to the side and tucked behind her ears even though some stray strands still stood. her eyes were welcoming and friendly, giving you a warm feeling of hope. she had a tattoo on her right arm; a fern and a small butterfly. you debate asking her the meaning, but decide against it.

you snap out of your trance when you make it to her door. she unlocks the door and gently pushes it in, leaving room for you to step inside. "come in!"

you take 3 steps inside before you're pushed to the ground and pinned by strong, rough hands. "what the fuc- hey!" you start to shout. you squirm, hopelessly attempting to be freed from the tight grasp of what you thought was a male officer.

"you're under arrest," an unfamiliar, feminine voice states, "for possession and distribution of marijuana. you have the right to remain silent at this time." you see ellie's shoes standing in front of you, silently taunting you as you're handcuffed.

fuck, i should've never trusted her.

you're patted down and escorted to an unmarked car, parked around 30 feet away from your car. the unfamiliar figure is a tall, built woman with a long, blonde braid swinging down her back. her calloused hand grips you tightly as you're being walked. once you reach the vehicle, you're thrown into the back and the door slams in your face. you don't argue or protest; you were caught after one fuck up.

"didn't expect to catch her so easily," ellie brags, slightly looking back at you. you scowl at her, feeling betrayed by not only ellie, but dina, too. she had [hopefully] unknowingly helped them ruin your life. you were for sure not going to be able to finish college now. you wouldn't be able to get a job nice enough to stabilize your life. not to mention the possibility for 5 years of jail time and fees. it all made your head hurt. tears weld up in your eyes as you started to really let reality sink in.

"aw, she's crying," the blonde officer teased, looking at you through the rear-view mirror. you blinked back the tears before spitting out, "fuck you."

"the fuck you just say to me?"

"you heard me; fuck. you."

you could see her jaw clench, her bone well-defined under her skin. "oh, i know you wanna fuck me." a snicker was heard from the auburn girl.

the hell??

it was a weird response, but you decided to play into it. you're already being sent to jail; why not have fun?

"you wouldn't do anything about it if i wanted to anyway."

you saw the blonde's eyes go wide and her jaw drop with disbelief, looking over at her partner. ellie seemed calm, but intrigued by the situation. it was silent, but the way their eyes met was like they were talking through eye contact. ellie tilts her head towards you, signaling something to the other officer. as if she could read her mind, the blonde nods and pulls over to an abandoned alleyway.

"what's going on?" you question, attempting to hide the fear in your voice, but failing miserably. the blonde got out of the car and slammed the door shut as ellie simply answered, "you said we wouldn't do anything, hm?"

a shiver went down your spine as the door to your right opened, the blonde hopping in as you scooted all the way to your left.

"uh-uh, come here," she demanded as her hand wrapped around your neck and dragged you back to her. at this moment, your back rests against her toned thighs, handcuffed hands under your ass, legs laying on the seat.

"you wanna be disrespectful to me and my partner?" she jerks your head up, making you look at her. her sharp features take up your vision as she looks down at you with dark eyes. "you think you were just gonna get away with that? nuh-uh, not on my watch." you take your gaze off her face to read her badge, which reads "ABBY ANDERSON".

you're so focused on abby that you don'r realize ellie is on the other side of you, watching you and abby interact. you feel a sharp object on your jeans, scoring against the material. your head jerks down to see ellie running a pocketknife over your clothed cunt, fear and adrenaline running through you all at once. your breathing picks up speed as she cuts through your jeans, making a hole in the crotch. abby chuckles at your reaction, caressing your face as she coos, "not so tough now, huh?"

you're too caught up in looking at ellie's actions to respond. she puts the knife down, letting a feeling of relief wash over you. she mutters a "fuck it" before placing both hands on either side of the hole she made and ripping your jeans. you gasp, anxiety filling you once more. she smirks up at you, grabbing her knife and running it over your barely covered pussy. she loves the way you try to get away from her knife, silent cries as she gets closer to the meat of your thigh. she slightly cuts into you, small drops of blood racing down your inner thigh. you wince in pain, turning back to abby. "shh, it's okay," she reassures, kissing your sweaty forehead. "just a little cut. you're okay." you feel ellie's warm tongue running over the wound, collecting the red liquid. she kisses near your core, green eyes piercing into you before whispering, "so sweet" and smiling. abby gently kisses you, drawing your attention away from your cut to her and only her. she taps her pointer finger on your chin and whispers "open up", which you obey to. her lips purse together, gathering the liquid in her mouth before a ball of saliva drops into your mouth and onto your tongue. "swallow," she commands, and you close your mouth and swallow it, feeling it slip down your throat. she smiles, tapping your cheek lightly as she praises you. "good girl. she's doing so well, isn't she, el?"

ellie hums, hyper-focused on your pooling pussy. "so wet," she says in awe, "all this gets you off, doesn't it?"

you're oh so needy, cunt begging to be touched in any form. you nod ferociously, whining for any friction on your puffy clit. "you want it, yea? beg for it."

"p-please, ill do anything, just fuck me- ohmygod-" you babble, hips bucking up into ellie's face. she chuckles before looking up to abby, meeting her gaze. "she's been so good for us. give her a lil' reward."

with that, ellie cuts your underwear with one swift movement, completely exposing your pussy to her. she gasps at the sight, glistening skin in the low light. she whispers a spew of curses, spreading you apart as abby kisses you passionately. you moan into the kiss as ellie rubs your bud with her thumb. your noises go straight to her core, making her slightly whimper. she lays a flat tongue on your core, soaking up all of your juices on the pink muscle. abby wraps a firm hand around your throat, restricting airflow enough to make you completely feel ellie on you.

"fuck- oh, my god-" you cry, tears welling up in your eyes once more. the feeling is too much; abby kissing you, ellie eating you out- everything is overstimulating you. ellie smiles against your pussy, sucking on your clit while shoving two fingers in you. you whine and squirm away from her, but her other hand keeps you in place.

"i'm gonna- m'cumming- !!" you breathe, clenching around ellie's long fingers. abby praises you through it; "oh, so good for us, baby." "cum all over her fingers f'me, yes." small kisses are planted on your face once again, soothing you through your orgasm. ellie slowly takes her fingers out with a pop! before shoving one glistening finger into her mouth. she moans at the taste of you, maintaining eye contact with you. "shit, so sweet," she murmurs, looking over at abby. "wanna taste?"

"of course," abby says slyly, glancing over at you before sucking on ellie's middle finger, completely cleaning it off. she moans at the taste, finally letting ellie's middle finger go after a couple of seconds. she pulls you into another sloppy, heated kiss, making you taste yourself on her tongue.

"such a sweet thing," she coos, wiping your face. "too bad we gotta take you in now."

"can't let me off with a warning?"

"we would, but we'd be here for much longer and you'd be more bruised up." abby frowns in a mocking manner.

"so you're taking me in with no pants or underwear?"

"yup. don't underestimate us and, more importantly, don't sell drugs."

a/n: this was so fun to write omg ... part 2 will be coming me thinks

#tlouadditc #abby anderson smut #ellie williams smut #the last of us smut #tlou fic #abby anderson #ellie williams #ellabs #ellabs smut #ellabs x reader #lesbian

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waspredteeth · 28 days

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You know what I've realized these past several months on Tumblr and just...years of consuming content?

It's pretty rare for the fandom to acknowledge Gotham as a city. A real, living city with people in it. Like, sure we always get cutesy posts about Batman or the others from outside perspectives or fics that include interesting ocs (I love u if you do that btw).

But what I mean isn't that. What I mean is: does anyone think of Gotham and its citizens as actual people? Because I've sure seen kind of the opposite.

I see constant arguments or heavily biased (mostly misinformed) posts regarding what Bruce does and how the Batman helps the city. That his riches would get lost in corruption and no one can save the city unless there's violence. You could try and make the argument, sure. But we've seen time and time again in comics that Bruce uses his money to the benefit of the city. We've seen in comics that he employs people who are disadvantaged and gives them opportunities. People know Bruce Wayne gives jobs and treats his employees well. He donates heavily to charities, creates his own organizations, funds Leslie Thompkin's clinic, and consistently updates the safety of his own buildings. People (at least post-Crisis) would know that Bruce Wayne did everything he could to save Gotham after the Cataclysm earthquake/No Man's Land - that he went up against Congress. Of course, not everyone would like Batman. Not everyone would trust the Wayne name. They'd see a stranger who prowls nightly and may or may not rescue you. They'd see the privilege of an old rich name who gets to exert his influence over the city. If you go to him for help, you go to him with the fear, and anticipation of rejection or with the knowledge that he will be safe.

I've also seen the (imo) ridiculous notion that Crime Alley citizens would trust the Red Hood. Maybe some would now, after the reboots and actual comic book evidence that he's doing something. But I cannot fathom living in a city with such heavy crimes occurring and then trusting what is essentially a cop. People don't know the Red Hood. They don't know Jason Todd. They would only know: 1. he has tried and succeeded various times to take over organized crime and drug routes 2. he can and will kill if he sees it fit. In some people's eyes, he would be a cop with even less judicial oversight. In some families, he would be the killer of their breadwinner, of their fathers or family members or lovers. A man with a gun. Eyes without a face. If you go to him for help, you go to him for blood.

This doesn't even begin to lay out the insane amount of vigilantes who live/operate in Gotham. The Batman is not the only figure. The Red Hood is not the only figure. If you boil down Gotham to only the conflict between these two characters, you miss the nuances and varied opinions of the city by miles. If you boil down Gotham to just Batman-affiliates, you miss even more.

For every person who doesn't trust Batman, there's someone who'd prefer Huntress. For every child who lives in fear but can't trust an adult, there's Robin or Batgirl. For an abused woman, there's other women out there who help: Catwoman or Black Canary or Holly Robinson. There's people who'd never trust a vigilante but want safety, they'd have Leslie Thompkins (who operates in Crime Alley) or Lucius Fox who could give them a job.

Not to mention, Batman is very obviously white. There would be some people who would rightfully mistrust white men, and would prefer figures like Orpheus or Onyx or Batwing or the Signal or Huntress (post-N52). There's the Creeper, who would be terrifying but some might prefer the monster over the man. There's Ragman, an explicitly Jewish vigilante who was literally called the Tatterdemalion of the Oppressed and trusted by the poor and homeless. There's Batwoman, Mother Panic, Spoiler, Nightwing, Red Robin, Azrael, Bluebird, the enigmatic idea of the Oracle, Anarky, Ghostmaker, Gotham Girl/Boy, Catman, Alan Scott-Green Lantern, Wildcat.

Hell, maybe someone who lives in Gotham would just straight up trust Superman or the Flash or Wonder Woman more than anyone else. Maybe they'd never once trust someone acting for a perceived view of justice and would just trust an employer like Two-Face or the Riddler or any mobster.

I'm stressing my point here: when you write anyone who lives in Gotham City, keep in mind that they don't know they live in a comic book world. Secret identities are foreign to them, they only know the base actions of each vigilante. Each person's opinion will heavily vary. Every experience colors their view of the city and vigilantes as a whole. Just, idk, widen your horizons and consider about what someone living in a place like Gotham would really think.

To that end, read the comics!!! Research actual cities!!! Take in experiences and history!!! It's all interesting and just adds so much more.

You want one comic that shows Bruce helping Gotham and the various views of Gothamites, read Gotham Knights #32, published in 2002 and titled "24/7." Read it online illegally if you have to!!

#i'm not hating on existing content #make what you want!#I've just always wanted to see more #because there is more to explore #dc #batman #dc comics #batman meta #gotham city #DM for a link to the comic issue if you want #just be prepared for a comic website with pop-up ads #robin #dc meta #bruce wayne #I am Not tagging all these people

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rizzyu · 4 months

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Hot Spring HC

Pairing: Vox, Mysta, Luca, Ike, Shu x gn! reader

Category: Fluff, slightly suggestive

Warning: Nudity (I KNOW WHAT U ARE.), really slight mentions of the saxophone dance

A/N: bc I love hot spring prompts :)

Vox Akuma

Are you really gonna believe that this man is not gonna flirt with you the moment you step into the onsen with him?

You had stepped into the onsen and Vox already have his arms around your waist.

“Darling you look so hot.” “Vox, I just got in, have some patience.”

After a few minutes of calming down Vox, you would help untangle and wash his onyx coloured hair

Bro loves leaving kisses all around your shoulders and neck and he would be such a tease

“Getting flustered already? I barely even did anything”

And also whether it’s when you were both back in your hotel room, or when you were still in the hot spring, you would eventually be doing the saxophone dance :)

I shall not elaborate on that :)

Mysta Rias

There’s this really funny thing I thought of:

What if when Mysta went in the onsen, he was so unused to that heat that he just started screaming and jumping around

*mentally laughs*

Anyways just like Vox he would be so lovestruck when you joined him in the onsen

But unlike Vox he wouldn’t be straight up announcing his admiration for you

“Fucking hell, why are you so hot?” He’d mutter

His face, ears and neck would be all warm and flushed. And he was hoping you would think that was because of the hot spring (it wasn’t)

Oh but you knew what was going on and you would bully him for it lol

“Heheh your cheeks seems kinda red” >:)

“WH-WHAT? IT’S THE HOT SPRING”

“uh hUhhhhh ok..”

Luca Kaneshiro

I know what you are.

You’re gonna be shamelessly stare at his booba don’t even try to object

But he was feeling happy that you came to the hot spring with him, so he let you lay on them just this once :)

Though he still denied that they aren’t big.

“I’m glad you let me lay on theeeem… they’re so big and squishy.” “What?? Th-they aren’t big!”

Oh man but like picture this: tracing his tattoos

You would be sending shivers down his spine when he felt your feathery light touch on his tattoos

As well as leaving little kisses along his tattoos

You would have gotten him floating on cloud nine

But you’d also be just cuddling and chilling in the onsen till your fingers get all wrinkly

Ike Eveland

Ike’s glasses would get covered by the steam, no doubt. Maybe because that also happens to me all the time

And you would laugh at him saying he looks like one of those smart anime characters with glasses. Maybe because my friends also do that to me all the time

Anyways, soaking in the hot spring with Ike would be so cute tho

CUDDLES :D

Cuddling with Ike is always so cute tho

You would be giving him little kissies here and there

And then you both felt so comfy in the presence of each other that you eventually fell asleep together

Ike would wake up later for him to realise it was past midnight

He’d carry you back to your hotel room and help you get ready for bed :)

Shu Yamino

HE’S A SHY BOI

He was too embarrassed to look at you man what a cutie patootie

“Shu yknow you don’t have to turn your head away the whole time right? You can look, I won’t mind.”

Shu slowly turned to face you. His eyes still avoiding you as his cheeks were in a pretty shade of pink.

Ok but I think you would be such a tease because of how shy he is in the hot spring

Yknow like being more touchy and making him stiffen every time he was under your touch.

You were making his heart go literally insane but he was too cute for you to stop

I mean… it wasn’t like he didn’t like it…

#riyugu writing #yorutenshi riyugu #nijisanjien #nijisanjien x reader #luxiem #luxiem x reader #nijisanji #nijisanji x reader #luxiem x reader fluff #vox akuma #vox akuma x reader #mysta rias #mysta rias x reader #luca kaneshiro #luca kaneshiro x reader #ike eveland #ike eveland x reader #shu yamino x reader #shu yamino

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sweetadonisbutbetter · 26 days

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Ur so pretty

A/n: HAI OMG- its been...a while...if anyone read it, I posted the WIP of this like all the way back in November last year. other notes are that there is no use of Y/N, and it is kept gender neutral, but it is implied to be WLW. but since it is no longer in my hands, take it as you will keke hope u enjoy!!!

Upon waking up, you already felt that it was going to be a long day, one that was longer than usual. The sores from numerous fights and hours of walking were ever present from the moment you opened your eyes; the feeling of the Astarion’s fangs wringing your neck numb. You mentally check off the numerous problems before you get out of your tent and set off for the day. Upon leaving the dimly lit tent, you were blinded slightly by the morning light. The smell of breakfast filled the air as idle chatter continued. You take a moment to look at your companions. Gale was the one cooking, making idle chatter with Wyll and Karlach, the latter who was most likely the one who started the fire. Lae’zel was by herself, sharpening one of her many swords. Astarion emerges from his tent, also having just woken up. You continue to scan the camp looking for someone in particular.

‘No sign of her…’ You think to yourself, pouting slightly. From the corner of your eyes, you see Astarion approaching you. Sighing, you reiterate the fact that although the day had just started, you could tell it was going to be a long day.

“Glad to see you didn’t die last night.” He greets you with a smirk. You look at him, already feeling the regret of letting him feed and an oncoming headache. You pinch the bridge of your nose, hoping it will relieve some tension.

“Well if someone didn’t take any more than he should have, I wouldn’t have passed out.” You quip, to which Astarion lets out a laugh.

“I did not take any more than I normally do. You just lost a lot of blood yesterday.” He says as he crosses his arms and shifts to the side. You look at him blankly for a moment, thinking if it would be worth it to put a stake in his heart. Listing the pros and cons, it seems that keeping him alive has more pros, shockingly. Sighing once more, which was something that happened a lot when Astarion was around, you cast lesser restoration on yourself and begin to walk towards Gale, Karlach, and Wyll. However, before you can even approach the trio, you see Shadowheart emerge from her tent.

Your heart skips a beat as you look at her from afar. From the moment you had seen her while on the nautiloid, you had some sort of feelings stirring for her. Just a glance at her tells you how much of a beauty she is. The way her onyx hair framed her face, her braid that swished and would often rest on her shoulders, and the soft makeup that furthered her beauty in a way that felt almost godlike. Not to mention her eyes. The soft hazel green stood out with her darker eyeshadow, luring in the very person who looked into them. In your mind, she could rival the beauty of the gods and goddesses. However, it wasn’t just her physical beauty that lured you in, it was the subtle beauty that seemingly showed when she wasn’t paying attention. The soft smile that creeps up her face when you were swarmed by children at the grove, or how she plays with Scratch when she thinks no one is paying attention. You would often find yourself looking forward to fights, just to get injured so she could heal you, watching how her hands would tenderly cover the wound. In essence, her mannerisms, voice, and beauty have bewitched you, terribly. Often you were left lying awake late at night, thinking back on any conversation or memories you have of her.

Since the tiefling party a few nights ago, you have had numerous things to think of. Truthfully, you were elated that you had agreed to a drink with her, since in your mind it showed that she had a fraction of attraction towards you. While it was hard to tell how she truly felt since she was sharran and they were sworn to secrecy; you did not need words to know that she enjoyed the moment you two shared. The kiss you two shared, the talking and looking into one another's eyes until either the sun came up or sleep overtook you both. The morning after you two had talked about it, she agreed that there was something between the two of you. However, soon after she began to withdraw herself from you, she would avoid being alone with you, cut the conversation short, and even volunteer to stay behind at camp. It hurt to see her detach herself from any social interaction with you. You even knew that she was avoiding only you, catching glimpses of her talking to the others, chattering with Lae’zel even though they both differed. Rather than getting upset and confronting her, you kept it to yourself. Finding that it was better to give her space, something that she appreciated in the past, though it was turning out to be harder than you wanted it to be.

“You know, it is rude to stare.” A voice cuts you out of your train of thought. Blinking, you look at the voice and see that it is Astarion. Confused as to what he is talking about, you give him a look. He rolls his eyes and smacks his teeth. “You have been staring at Shadowheart’s tent for a good while, my friend. A bit too long, might I add.”

Quietly, you let out an ‘oh’ before you turn towards your tent. You decide to start getting ready for the day, no longer hungry. Stripping your camp wear and donning your armor, you mentally summon all your courage so you can ask Shadowheart to accompany you, Gale, and Karlach. Finishing the knot of your boots, you equip your weapons and leave your tent, the blinding rays of the sun stinging your eyes for a brief moment.

‘Moonmadein please guide me.’ You utter in your thoughts before you make your way to Gale and Karlach. Even though you were nowhere near them, Karalach seemed to notice you were heading their way. Turning her head from her conversation with Gale, she makes eye contact with you. Her face seemingly lights up as small flames rise out of her skin.

“Mornin’ soldier!” She hollers. Gale says something to her in a quiet tone, one that you can’t hear. Whatever he told her caused the flames on her to diminish. Looking back at you, she gives a slightly nervous chuckle and says, “Sorry about that. Just excited to get on the road again.”

“No worries, and good morning to you Karlach. You too Gale.” You reassure Karlach quickly before you greet the wizard. Gale smiles in return and greets a quick ‘morning’ before leaving, presumably to get his stuff for the road. You look back to Karlach and ask, “Have you seen Shadowheart?”

“Oh, I think I saw she went with Scratch into the woods,” Karlach says, her mood seemingly more down. She hesitates for a moment, before asking “Why?”

“I just want to see if she wants to join us on the road. It has been a bit since she left camp.” You explain, hoping you weren't evident in your real reason for talking to her. While it wasn’t a complete lie, it wasn't the whole truth. The half-truth was that you did want her to accompany you and walk around for a while; you did want to know if she wanted to leave camp for a while. You also just wanted a moment alone with her; for when there was a moment where everyone was walking, no direction in mind. It seemed that Karlach bought what you said, as she began to perk up a bit after your answer. However before anything else could be said, the bushes rustled slightly. You and Karlach turn to the noise, however, you don’t need to go and investigate since Scratch jumps from the bushes and runs toward you. He jumps onto your chest, tackling you to the ground before he starts to lick at your face. Laughing at the slightly ticklish feeling, you try to move him off of you, not too keen on smelling like dog breath or even having slobber on you so early in the day. Thankfully he gets off with ease and goes to bother someone else. Still chuckling, you get up from the ground, with the help of Karlach who is laughing with you. The rustling of leaves happens once more, catching your attention once more. This time it was Shadowheart who emerged from the woods. You briefly make eye contact with her, your heart skips a beat, and you move towards her. Though it seemed she noticed you moving, since she looked away first and headed back to her tent, not even uttering a greeting or looking back. Your shoulders sag, clearly dejected at her avoidance. ‘I can’t be like this all day. We have to move forward.’ You think to yourself, quickly shaking the feeling and standing up straighter, putting on the front that you were not bothered by it.

“It seems like she has no intent on leaving today. I suppose we could drag Astarion with us.” You jest lightly to Karlach. Wanting to leave sooner, you readjust your pack and look for Astarion. Thankfully, he seemed to have read your mind and was already in his gear. You look for Gale briefly and see that he is equally as ready. With a nod, the four of you leave camp and begin the day.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Ugh, I feel I can sleep for days,” Karlach groans as she stretches her back. Letting out another exhausted sigh, she falls back. You nod in agreement, the weariness in your bones causing them to ache slightly more than they already were. While trying to stretch your back, you find it more difficult than normal, as you are in your armor. It was a long day, numerous battles and hours of walking. If there were only a handful of fights, you could handle that, however, it felt like it was battle after battle. The mere thought of the battles caused the bruises on your body to feel more prominent. Plopping down on a nearby tree trunk, you let your body relax as much as it can while sitting up. You look to Gale was already cooking, somehow already in his evening wear. The smell of the food made its way into your stomach, causing it to rumble. Looking around, you notice you can’t find Astarion. Assuming that he is relaxing in his tent, you sigh and lean back, still trying to find relief.

However, you begin to become restless. Somehow through the aches and pain, you feel the need for fresh air, which is odd for being outside. Not being able to sit and just wait, you get up and begin to head to your tent. Before you head inside, you turn to Karlach and Gale.

“You two can stay at camp tomorrow. Take the day to rest. I could bring Wyll and Lae’zel instead.” I say to Karlach and Gale. Gale doesn’t comment, rather focused on the meal he was making than what I was saying. I hear a faint groan, which you assume is Astarion. You begin to feel slightly bad, that he can’t get a day of rest, however with the avoidance from Shadowheart, there is bound to be one person who has to travel a little more.

‘Hopefully, she will get over whatever hindrance she is dealing with…hope I didn’t do anything wrong.’ You think before shaking the thought. ‘I shouldn’t think about it too much.’

You rid your thoughts altogether, of what happened, what is, and what was to come; choosing not to think on it too much, you begin to take off your armor. It took you longer than normal, the aches in your body causing you to slow down. Eventually, you were in your evening wear; sitting on the floor, staring at your feet blankly. You didn’t notice how much the day had affected you, to the point you just wanted to seek the warmth of another person and just fall into the deepest sleep you could. However, the person’s warmth you wanted seemingly wanted nothing to do with you. You let out another deep sigh, kick off your boots, and turn to your bed, not wanting to eat.

It seemed that no one noticed that you decided to turn in early for the night, or if they did no one came into your tent. You felt a tad grateful that no one came, feeling that no one's company would be enough. You lie in your tent, trying to sleep. However, no matter how much you slowed your breathing and kept your eyes closed, your body could not find itself to relax. With a sigh, you decide to give up on sleeping and leave your tent. Hastily throwing on your boots and mentally wishing it was late enough, you emerge from your tent and see that the camp is empty. The fire from supper was completely burnt out, and the large pile of dishes piled up near the lake camp was showing that everyone had indeed turned in for the night. Turning your head once again, you see Scratch and the owlbear cub huddled next to one another, sleeping soundly. You smile softly, your heart melting that they are bonding so well with one another. Trying to be as quiet as possible, you leave the camp and head into the nearby forest.

In a moment in time when there were so many new feelings and unfamiliar things around you; from being abducted by illithids, seeing the hells, waking up in what seemed to be the middle of nowhere, and having an uninvited guest in your brain, the forest provided comfort. No matter where in Faerûn, trees will always be trees, the dirt path made by countless feet that trekked forward in their journeys, made you feel less alone and confused. Walking over bushes, you decide to mindlessly wander, not worrying about the pain in your feet or where you end up. There weren’t many sounds in the dead of night, other than the wind that shook the leaves and bushes, the distinct animal noises of nocturnal animals, and your footsteps. You don’t pay much attention to it, however, rather you choose to blank entirely. The traveling and battles from earlier in the day left you mentally exhausted, as well as physically but that was neither here nor there since you were always physically tired or sore, your mind was left both restless yet still. An internal paradox that you found yourself in recently. Much of how your relationship with Shadowheart was a paradox in itself. While it was difficult to say that you were in love with the mysterious woman, especially since it had not been too long since you two had met, it wasn’t hard to conclude that a part of you consistently yearned for her. Desired to hear the sound of her voice, to feel her gaze upon you, to comb her hair as it rested upon her shoulders, to have her touch you in ways that no other before has. A part of you dreamed that she could one day let you into her mind, into the deepest darkest parts of her mind, where you would find solace there as just she wormed her way into your mind. A constant plague that you could not rid of, not that you wanted to.

However, that was the lingering problem that shifted the foundation of what could be. The beliefs that you both hold make you enemies by default. The very belief that a sharran and a selunite even being friendly was unheard of. Nevertheless, you befriended one, hell you even kissed one, something that younger you would stress about, wondering if you were turning to the Lady of Loss. Not that you would, you find that the beliefs of your dear moon maiden held were truly a resonate of your own, and you weren’t saying that since you grew up with it. From your very limited understanding of the Lady of Loss, you found the very idea of wallowing in the dark with no hope seemed very unhealthy. From what Shadowheart told you, which was also as limited since her memory was removed, it seemed that Shar was lying to her followers, saying that she was easing their pain when in reality she was just adding to it.

‘How could she worship a goddess that causes her to be left in the dark and pain,’ You wonder, looking at the ground as you walk and begin to pursue your lips. Eventually, you begin to slow down, coming to a full stop at the texture change from under your shoes. You look up and see a lake, one that is possibly connected to camp, as the moon dances on the water, light ripples distorting the image. Breathing in the sight, you consider undressing and wandering into the water, before shaking the thought. While it was tempting, you find that it would be a hassle putting your clothes back on. Instead, you kick off your sandals and roll up the legs of your pants, and wander to the water before seating yourself down, just far enough to where your butt won’t get too wet. There you sat for a while, taking in the sight, smell, and sounds of the area around you. You feel your mind slow down, your eyes getting heavy at the comfort of the water as it rocked and kissed higher on your calf. Just as you were about to leave yourself completely vulnerable to the wilderness and let your mind wander into the night sky, a voice rang through your ears.

“Well, I certainly did not expect you to be so far from camp.”

Your eyes shot up, startling you awake. You don’t know who you were expecting when you turn your head, however, the last person that comes to mind is Shadowheart. Her hair was down from its chain and braid as it rested over her shoulder and draped to her mid-back. With that being the only outlier, Shadowheart looked the same as how she did the night before. Even though you wanted to say something, your mind was too slow to react, so you just looked at her. Embarrassed that you could not utter a sound, you turn your attention back to the lake. She chuckles, a noise that reaches your ears and tickles them ever so slightly, and you feel your ears and face get warm. Focusing solely on the lake and the reflection of the moon, you could only listen as she shuffled behind you. Far too nervous to catch her gaze, but still nipping with curiosity at what she is doing, you look at her from the corner of your eyes.

Not paying you any mind, she sat next to you, albeit a bit away from the water, which you assume was because she was not in favor of getting wet. Nervous that she will catch your gaze, you look away once more as the wind starts to softly blow. The both of you sit there in silence, unaware of what Shadowheart is thinking and you are far too nervous to break the silence, lest you say the wrong thing.

‘Truthfully, what is the wrong thing to say?’ You mentally quip to yourself, ‘Rather…what is the right thing to say…Should I break the silence? Does Shadowheart have something to say? Why is she also out here? Did she foll-’

“Was..there any particular reason you left camp?” Shadowheart asks, her voice stopping your thoughts. You look at her, a stunned look on your face. You were astonished at the fact that she was actively engaging in conversation rather than avoiding it. She is facing forward but looking at you from the corner of her eyes. Feeling your face get warm at her stare, you turn your head once again.

“I just..wanted some fresh air…” You murmur, bringing your knees closer to your chest and hugging them. You didn’t think to elaborate further, finding your reasoning sound enough. If you were completely honest with yourself, you were being slightly petty due to her avoidance. Shadowheart, who seemingly accepted the reasoning, sighed to herself, in a way that could be depicted as relief. Although you found it odd, you didn’t bring attention to it, rather resting your head on your knees. You both sat in silence, the sounds of the surrounding area being the only thing that stopped the moment from being dead quiet. Once again, content with the peace, you feel your eyes drooping once more.

“You didn’t come out here to meet anyone?” Shadowheart asks, breaking the silence and waking you up once more. Confused by her question and unsure if you even heard her correctly, you turn your body and look at her. She was actually looking at you, her head turned in your direction. Although it might have been your mind playing tricks on you or wishful thinking, it seemed that her eyes were a green of jealousy. Nonetheless, she blinks and it seems that she hid whatever emotion she was harboring.

“What? Why would I come out here to meet someone?” You ask her, as she shrugs and turns her head away from you, looking at the lake again. Thinking you weren’t getting an answer in response, your mind begins to wonder with various questions. Trying to make sense of your thoughts, you let one slip past the barriers of your lips.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” You ask, your voice much softer than you wanted it to be. Sounding much more hurt than you wanted to reveal, your mind and voice wanting to show her how her avoidance pained you. Though you hate to admit it, you are sure your face is showing that pain just as much as your voice did. She doesn’t move, mimicking that of a statute; Neither do you, not to turn to look at her, in fear of her seeing your face and you never getting an answer. You both sit there for a moment, your question leaving you feeling like you just shouted into the void and expecting an answer back.

After a moment, she lets out a breath, seemingly holding it in. As if she was not expecting that question and didn’t want to answer it.

“I do not think we can be together.”

Upon hearing her words, you feel as if your very soul was de-rooted so violently, that it took the very foundation of who you were down. The void answered, with a truth that you avoided and did not want. The truth that haunted you after you kissed her under the moonlight and the stars away from the party. Plagued your mind when you would think of who you were and who she was. It seemed to have shattered every thought, every wish, and every dream you had of holding her and that she hold you in return. With all of the shattering going on in your mind, you cannot utter anything else other than a simple, “Oh.”

“It’s just…” Shadowheart trails off, trying to find her words. She seems to struggle for a bit, so you decide to make it easier for her and leave.

With the hurt of your body and heart and the threat of tears in your eyes, you stand up. Not wanting your not-lover to see you cry, you quickly wipe the tears that were threatening to fall out and sniffle. Washing off your feet of any sand, you place your sandals on and head back to camp, not caring that you are leaving her behind. Not noticing Shadowheart pulled her knees to her chest, as she rested her head into her arms. Unknowing of the inner turmoil that was going on between her mind and her heart; the war between her sprouting care and affection for you and the dedication she has to her faith.

The way back was agonizing, your heart heavy with hurt and your mind yelling for sleep while also overthinking every bit of interaction with Shadowheart. The more you walked, the feeling of more tears threatened to fall and let you shed every ounce of heartache and misery. Picking up the pace, you cannot help but think about your reaction.

Surely you could have handled this way better in theory, but in practice? Was Shadowheart so deeply rooted into your mind, that the mere rejection shattered you whole? Did you crave her affection so badly that even the cold sharp end of a knife stab would have felt better than this? No matter how frigid and distant she was, how did you not lose an ounce of interest in her? Would you betray your goddess, just to be within Shadowheart’s gaze?

It seemed that as you asked more questions to yourself, the lack of answers seemed to spiral into more questions. However, you knew that you would never be able to answer the questions that spiraled in your mind. Eventually, you stumbled upon the camp, seeing Astarion was the only one up and about. His eyes turned to you, gaze softening at the sight of you rather than a rabid animal or an enemy trying to attack in the night. Upon seeing your expression, one of anguish and with tears already falling, his face morphs into concern for a moment before blanking.

“Did something happen, o’ fearless leader?” He asked, using the nickname he used to tease you once you were bestowed the mantle of leader. Maybe calling you your nickname was his way of comforting you. Not that you stood around long enough to find out. Rather than answering him, you decide to go straight into your tent. He makes a noise, one that sounds like he wants you to stop, but he doesn’t move from his spot.

Once inside your tent, you head to your sleeping bag and tuck yourself under it. Not wanting to wake everyone, but also needing to let out your emotions, you opt to cry silently into your hands. Trying whatever way to muffle your sobs as they wracked through your body. Curled up into yourself, you eventually fall into a dreamless sleep.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Upon waking up, you immediately notice the sunlight is more prominent through your tent's fabric. Finding this odd, you immediately sit up and try to leave your tent as fast as you can. Crawling to the tent flap, you squint your eyes at the bright light of the day, noticing that it is far past the normal time you awoke. You look up to confirm your suspicions and see that the sun is most definitely showing it was later in the day, almost to the midpoint of the sky. As you crawled out of the tent, emerging from the cocoon of emotions you barracked yourself in last night, you saw Wyll making his way to you. It took you a bit to stand up fully, while your body was mostly recovering from the longer-than-average rest, it was still sore from the battles and wandering you and your party had been doing these past weeks. The horned man was already in front of you by the time you stood tall, patiently waiting.

“Good morning,” He smiles softly at you. You nod back, your mood still somewhat in shambles due to your previous night's adventure. Rather, you had more pressing matters to attend to, such as-

“Why did no one wake me up?”

Wyll doesn’t say anything but stares at you with the same look.

“Astarion told us what happened last night,” He starts. Afraid of where this was going, you feel your heart and stomach plummet through the ground, possibly landing in the Underdark somewhere. Wyll seems to take notice of the mild panic on your face and corrects himself. “Rather, he told us you came back to camp a wreck. He told us he was unsure what could have distressed you so. Karalach and Gale were the ones to suggest that we leave you to rest.”

With his explanation, you start to relax a little bit. Of course, Asartion would tell everyone. Though you know you couldn’t be too angry at him, rather fond of the fact that he was worried. It warmed you a bit that even though the vampire elf kept his emotions to himself for the most part, he ditched that belief for just a moment and expressed worry. You make a mental note to thank him and work towards a better friendship with him. Pushing that thought to the back of your mind along with any residue of yesterday evening, you smile softly at Wyll.

“I appreciate that, thank you.” Your voice sounds way more stable than you thought it would be. “Though, in the future, I would appreciate being woken up, even if there is concern for me. After all, we don’t know how much time we have before the whole tadpole thing turns us into illithids.”

Wyll doesn’t say much, just hums and nods, before being called by Lae’zel. He whips his head before turning back to you with a shy smile, one that you return with your smile and shoo him away. He scampers to Lae’zel, leaving you alone still standing in front of your tent. You sigh and relax your body a bit before you head to go to the stash of food the camp keeps. After not eating much throughout the previous day, it was starting to catch up with you with your stomach growling. At the stash, you begin to look for something quick to fuel you before you attempt to cook anything. Finding nothing that piqued your interest, you decided to head into the forest to see if there was anything edible. As you were heading to leave the camp alone, you passed Karalach, whose back was to you. You step towards her and begin to call out to her, however before you can utter a sound you step on a branch, alerting her to your presence. Turning to the source, Karlach seems to move away from what-who she was interacting with. Just beyond Karalach was Shadowheart, with a look you cannot describe. You spend a while looking at her, so many mixed feelings rushing to you faster than anything you can describe. Before you got swept away in the tidal waves of emotions, Karlach’s voice snapped you out of the trance you were in.

“Hey, soldier! How are you holdin’ up?” While her face had a big smile on it, it also had a look of concern. Turning your attention to the buff tiefling, you put on a strained smile before answering her.

“Better now that I’ve had more than 4 hours of sleep.”

“Really?” Her shock was evident, as she shifted slightly so the front of her body was facing you. She makes a glance to Shadowheart, something you feel you cannot stomach to do at the moment. You nod and respond.

“Yeah…I was just about to head off.”

“All alone?” Shadowheart says for the first time. Her voice rings in your ears as you feel your knees go weak for a moment. You cannot help but want to ignore her, to give her a taste of how she has made you feel; however, you decide against it, being in front of someone else.

‘That doesn’t mean I have to look at her.’ You reason to yourself before looking to the forest, trying not to make it obvious that you were avidly avoiding looking at her. “I wasn’t going to go far. Just wanted something light.”

Nothing is said for a moment before Shadowheart speaks again.

“I’ll go wi-”

“There is no need. I can go alone.” You cut her off, your voice coming off more harshly than you expected it to. However you couldn’t find it in yourself at that moment to apologize, rather you say your quick goodbyes and leave. In your absence was a puzzled Karlach at the thick tension between yourself and Shadowheart. She doesn’t say much, still feeling the tension, quickly making up an excuse before leaving. In her wake was a Shadowheart who was staring off in the direction you took off in. Left in the shadow that she herself had cast upon you.

However this time, the reason for it was known, and she had no one to blame but herself.

#shadowheart x tav #shadow x reader #im going crazy #this took forever #anyways #shadowheart is bad a feelings #like really bad #angst???#at least it's my attempt at it #☾adoniswrites

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violetpixiedust · 8 months

Text

part 02 of this angsty piece. thank u sm for the support on the last part, i love u all. there will be one more part after this. steve harrington x sinclair!reader. no descriptions of hair, skin tone, or body type. up to interpretation. tw: slut shaming, public bullying, mean!steve.

part 01

౨ৎ

one day earlier

your nimble fingertips brush against the soft, polyester material of your little black dress, hugging each curve and ridge of your body up until the bottom of your bum. translucent nylons lick up the length of your legs, disappearing into a pair of onyx leather boots that cut off just beneath your knees. a wave of heat washes over your delicate face as you admire your reflection in the floor length mirror of your bedroom, the top row of your pearly teeth indenting against the plush flesh of your bottom lip.

you looked.. sultry.

huh, robin had been right.

the two of you had been finishing up the last bits of your partnered english essay on ‘the catcher in the rye’ the night before, when robin, in her nature, became distracted and started languidly recounting an outfit debbie harry had worn on tour in the ‘70s. the cerulean eyed girl had pulled the cosmopolitan magazine out of her backpack, laying stomach down beside you on the bed as you both stared at the hydrogen peroxide blonde rockstar in front of you. you shyly admitted that you had always wanted to dress like that just once.

it was no secret to the students at hawkins high that you were a sweetheart, a goody two-shoes. you would usually dress in gingham, floral, and lacy babydoll dresses in the summer, or bulky turtlenecks with short skirts and stockings in the wintertime. it’s what drew steve to you originally. your shy smile and innocent doe eyes, waving to him past his car windshield as your silky skin soaked up the summer sunlight, on your way to the flower shop across from the hawkins theatre, sat on top of your two speed yellow bicycle. it threw him for a loop. how much you had bloomed the summer before your junior year. however, your beauty was surprisingly paired with a quick wit and an unmatched sense of creativity. lucas and erica had clearly picked it up from somewhere.

so, after doing some recon on an old, black turtleneck dress that you had worn to a distant family member’s funeral years ago, robin and yourself had successfully designed a little black dress that perfectly melded debbie harry and pat cleveland into one.

you had to be discreet though. your mother, despite being the feminist powerhouse that she was, did not want to have to leave work to give you a change of clothes on the off chance that you were dress coded, which granted- had only happened once. however, despite kindly giving you the snide choice of a sheer cover up to wear when she arrived to that singular meeting, your mother had grilled the geriatric worm that was principal higgens into the scuffed tile of his office floor. at his audacity for making her leave her government job in the middle of the day- all because her fifteen year old daughter, she emphasized for the misogynistic, and terrified, man in front of her, was rightfully showing her shoulders in may.

so safe to say, the spineless principal did not want a repeat of that situation, so while your fashion choices hadn’t changed much, a lot less was said about it.

your mother was dressed in a red plaid pantsuit early that next morning before her shift at city hall, hair big and proud, in the middle of making a cup of coffee before she caught sight of you entering the kitchen. “wow, look at that paint and hair, pretty girl. how gorgeous.” a wave of appreciative embarrassment crept between the hems of your woollen overcoat as the elder woman kissed the crown of your head, smiling shyly as you gratefully accepted a cup of black tea from her manicured hands.

“so, is steve picking you up-?” your mother was cut off when the back door parallel to you two practically flew open, robin’s cheeks flushed with cherry red from the winter air as she dug into her backpack, not noticing your mother or her metal thermos of presumably coffee clanging onto the kitchen tile when it free fell from her bag. finally, your friend victoriously pulled out a half squished piece of banana bread wrapped in cellophane.

“aha! there you are. what’s up this morning-?” robin froze as she caught sight of your mother smirking from her place in front of the coffee machine, watching as the pale girl practically scrambled to pick her thermos up off the floor to avoid causing a bigger mess.

“good morning, robin.” your mother smirked from behind her cup of coffee, plum shaded lips spreading into an amused smile as you giggled at robin’s scarlet complexion.

“m-morning. sorry for the noise mrs. s.” the freckled girl winced in embarrassment at her absent-mindedness, only softening her tense expression when your mother held out of plate of toast, quietly offering her a piece.

“oh, robin. if i was concerned about noise, i would have sent lucas and erica to live with their grandmother a long time ago.” the three of you burst into giggles as one of the devils mentioned strutted into the kitchen, pink denim jeans swishing with every step she took.

“what choice words about your only daughter-“ erica shook her head in disappointment as she reached up onto her tippy toes for a piece of toast, nearly taking a bite before begrudgingly making her way to grab a plate due to the gentle warning glare she received from your mother.

“hey! i was here before you, you little brat-“

“sue me for thinking you were going to college in a year and a half. maybe i’ll stick with ‘your better daughter’-”

“mom! erica hid my walkie!” lucas entered the kitchen with a trail of fire lined after him, interrupting your snide remark back to erica. you and robin groaned with relief as the horn from barb’s mom’s old mini van sounded in front of the house, interrupting the argument for a second before it resumed in full force.

“barb’s picking us up.” you mentioned to your mother, answering her previous question as she half nodded to you in acknowledgment, attempting to break up the ever scaling argument between your younger siblings. “good luck.” you bid her an apologetic goodbye, your mother only huffing as she wished both you and robin a good day.

you were on cloud nine as you walked around the halls at school that morning. it was nearly fourth period, and you hadn’t seen steve in the halls yet unfortunately, but his absence only put a slight damper on your mood. you had gotten so many compliments from the girls in your class and above. nancy wheeler, barb, robin (even though she had practically designed the outfit with you, she had basically screeched in the middle of the arts hall when you finally put your jacket in your locker), chrissy cunningham, tammy thompson, and even anna jacobi!

in the fifteen minute break between third and fourth period, you were taking your time exchanging your calculus textbook out for your history text, knowing that your next class was only down the hall and to the left. however, you felt a large, calloused hand touch the exposed skin between your shoulder blades, jumping as you quickly turned around, nervously gaining the courage to tell off whoever was unrightfully touching you, before you made eye contact with steve.

instantly, you felt a soft beacon of light spread throughout your belly, heart fluttering as you took in the soft chestnut locks that curled beneath the nape of his neck, balancing against the laws of physics atop his head. almond toned eyes, his rigid nose, primrose shaded lips. a breathtaking smile spread across your glossy pout as you giggled excitedly, going in to hug your boyfriend before his unusually stoic face hardened when his eyes raked across your outfit. your outstretched arms slowly fell to your sides as your glittery smile faded, suddenly concerned at the way steve chuckled humorously, his bass tone careless and sinister.

unlike him. with you especially.

you nervously toed your boots into the ground as your manicured nails started fiddling with one another on their own accord, shrinking as he continued to stare you down.

“now i know why billy hargrove asked me if you were free use earlier this morning.” you swallowed harshly, not believing that those words had just come out of your boyfriend’s mouth until you heard the acidic cackles of tommy and carol behind you two. steve however, was not amused. “what in the hell were you thinking when you decided to wear this?” his voice only got louder, catching the attention of a few students passing in the hallways. you fought back the bitter response that was fighting it’s way out of your throat, instead whispering honestly.

“i thought you would have liked it-“

“you thought i would have liked you looking like the freaks groupie?” suddenly, a few band kids instruments stopped their cacophony of tuning and practicing at steve’s semi-booming remark, a few other members of the student body stopping to watch as they caught wind of his comment, both cautiously and minorly entertained.

you felt your doe eyes burn with oncoming tears at steve’s remarks, humiliation running deep throughout your veins as you suddenly felt like you were clad in a cheap halloween costume instead of one of your own designs. your body wrapped your own arms around itself, a self preservation tactic you weren’t aware you were doing until carol laughed.

“you were right steve. she is quite meek, hm?” your glossy eyes whipped up to the boy in front of you for confirmation at the redhead’s poisonous remark, his gaze pointedly wandering away from you as the firm line of his lip wobbled ever so slightly. a reaction so minuscule you would have missed it had you not been searching for any ounce of clarity regarding his behaviour. why suddenly his mean boy persona broke the barriers between you and it.

“you’re being mean, stevie.” you suddenly found your voice, but the soprano tone didn’t sound like it was coming from you, your own trembling voice miles away as you confronted steve. something you hated doing. “i like this outfit, and i don’t appreciate you saying those things-“

“oh, so you think it’s okay that the entire school thinks you’re a slut?” gasps and scoffed out laughs ripped throughout the quickly growing crowd, tommy and carol’s laughter seeming the loudest. your manicured nails dug into the skin of your palms unconsciously, crescent moons slowly pulling blood up to the surface as you tried not to cry.

don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

you coughed on salty held back tears as they dripped down the back of your tense throat, deciding you were going to walk away and go home before you could be humiliated any further. you felt hurt. you felt betrayed. you felt embarrassed. how could steve, the boy who goofily serenaded you with elvis lyrics into the handle of a baseball bat to make you laugh, who snuck into your bedroom window after curfew to cuddle and kiss you senseless because he missed you. who held doors open for you and left cute little smiley faces and your joint initials in a heart on the corners of your homework papers, just to see you smile. how could-?

“jeez steve, you’d think for a frigid little virgin she wouldn’t put out for the whole school.” your jaw dropped as the crowd around you burst into whispers, remarks, and exaggerated reactions, meeting steve’s eyes that were now half filled with regret, attempting to save face as his expression stoned once more, spitting.

“yeah, you’d think.” you missed the way steve’s eyes widened as tears began to slip down your face, leaving trails of gritty mascara in their wake. the elder boy felt his stomach flip upside down once he surveyed the crowd, once he realized how many people had heard that. something he had promised to never tell anyone.

“‘oh stevie, i’m scared it’ll hurt’ ‘i don’t think i’m ready’ ‘could we just kiss a little more?’ too bad for you, there are girls in this town that aren’t afraid of a little pain.” steve felt his breath shorten at carol’s suggestive comment, however it proved hilarious for the crowd around them. he couldn’t register what was going on, why everyone had suddenly crowded around you two, why he had kept going with his verbal assaults, why he had listened to tommy and carol and billy of all people in the first place, and why he had any nerve to confront you about an outfit that made him insecure and jealous when you were clearly happy-

“carol- shut up-“ steve finally found his voice, dominating and rough with an undertone of fear. he didn’t want this. you were his girlfriend for christ sake. what was wrong with him?

carol however shrugged carelessly, smirking as you quickly turned towards your locker to gather your belongings, mind on overdrive. “look at that, it’s even backless.“

“baby-“ steve whispered towards you frantically, catching sight of your bloody palms from where your nails had bit into them. he felt his heart break when you smacked his large hand away as it attempted to soothe you, sniffling as the crowd behind you oohed in amusement. you felt like you were under a microscope. you wanted to disappear.

“oh look. it’s the freak now. i’m sure you won’t have trouble gagging on his dick like you did with steve’s.” your leather bag slipped from your trembling hands at that comment, it’s contents spreading across the floor as the crowd cackled like hyenas. suddenly, the aroma of cigarettes, woodlands, and something akin to laundry soap filled your senses. hesitantly, you turned your watery gaze onto eddie, who was kneeled in front of you as he quickly packed your belongings back into your bag. you couldn’t help but feel sorry for him that he experienced this kind of torment on a daily basis from tommy, carol, and steve, but was still decent enough to help you through it. he was quick as he packed your things you noticed. steady, quiet, careful-

trained almost.

tommy scoffed at the sight in front of him as eddie wordlessly handed you your bag, his large bambi eyes intently asking are you okay? before you could lie and nod, tommy chuckled. “jeez, munson. i guess now you can finally fuck something other than your right hand. i wouldn’t push your luck though-“

in a second, steve pulled tommy against the row of lockers opposite to yours, a deafening crash echoing above the crowd as his calloused hands wrapped themselves within the crisp white collar of the shorter boy’s t-shirt. “don’t ever” steve emphasized with a push of tommy’s body to the metal doors behind him. you felt yourself clam up with nausea at the potent verbal and physical violence around you, “fucking talk to her like that again, hagan-“

the dark haired boy forcefully pushed steve back into the middle of the hallway, the crowd beginning to chant as you watched in horror when tommy threw the first punch. robin fought through the barriers of the crowd immediately once she heard you and carol screech, narrowly dodging the pair of boys rolling along the gritty school floors just past her worn out converse. the freckled girl attempted to figure out what happened as she made her way to your left side, soothingly wiping away your tears as her cerulean gaze went wild. she had left you alone for ten minutes. soon, two of the senior boys on the basketball team were pulling the pair apart from each other, most likely fearing their suspension with the championship game coming up after winter break.

tommy spat a wad of blood from his lip onto the floor as he shot a loathing glare towards steve. carol’s snide expression morphed into concern for her boyfriend as he panted, before her features pinched with a bitter scowl towards the man of the hour. “don’t look so sad, harrington. now you can actually get your dick wet with some other slut. after all, that’s all you really wanted from her, wasn’t it?”

the crowd erupted into quiet whispers as steve’s wide eyes turned to your frail silhouette, now gone slack with disbelief. his king steve persona had shattered at that moment, bloody lip trembling as he crossed the hallway towards you, however you weakly pushed him away from your bubble with your palms to his chest. “i hate you, steve harrington.” it was the first time in ten minutes that the crowd had gone completely silent, watching intently as you spat emotionlessly, basking in a hatred so unlike you it appeared as though you were possessed. with eddie beside you, those rumours would spread like wildfire, no doubt. steve’s expression fell into agony for every second that passed, watching in almost slow motion as you promised. “never speak to me ever again. we’re done.”

robin quickly led you away after that, shaking her head at steve with disgust as she pushed through the dispersing crowd for you. eddie quickly slammed your locker closed, but not without adding fuel to the fire as he huffed. “it didn’t look like it to me, but i hope that was worth it, harrington.”

and steve harrington, was now, above all else, alone.

just like he was destined to be.

#drops this in the middle of your dash and runs away #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x sinclair!reader #steve harrington x black!reader #steve harrington angst #steve harrington x reader angst #steve harrington x reader fluff #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x reader fluff #robin buckley x platonic!reader #asshole!steve harrington #bully!steve harrington #mean!steve harrington #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #stranger things angst #pixie’s works * ੈ✩‧₊˚

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jeonjcngkook · 2 years

Text

popular vote | jjk (m)

➵ pairing: jungkook x female reader

➵ genre/au: 18+, porn with no plot at all whatsoever, smut, fluff, established relationship, political au (but not at all political bcs im just dumb)

➵ word count: 5.7k

➵ summary: jungkook gets elected as the youngest president and you’re there to celebrate his big win with him

➵ warnings & kinks: jaykay do be a lil dominant • sub reader with a dirty mouth • lil possessive jaykay • he calls her ‘little swan’ n ‘princess’ — honestly im mushy theyre saur cute • swearing • dirty talk • kissing • neck kisses • hair pulling • slight exhibitionism • biting • oral (m & f rec) • deep throating • jords’ famous spit kink makes a return agdfsgdhfg • fingering • size kink • unprotected sex • clit slapping w his cawk • cum swallowing • finger sucking •

➵ note1: betaed by @hobipaint, @amourtae, @baljinciaga, @m-yg93 & @rkivian. banner by @kth1. honourable mention to jj who fought for this <333 lurv u

➵ masterlist | feedback

Your fingers work diligently, scrambling at the lapels of his tightly fitted blazer while the other begins to undo the buttons of the crisp jacket. Jungkook manages to push the door open with the heel of his shoe, pulling you in right behind him. The door closes with a slam as he presses you up against the structure, hard enough that a painting of a historical member of the political institution rattles on impact.

A gasp sneaks past your lips as the air is knocked out of your lungs followed by a small giggle at the situation. You don’t have much time to catch your breath because one of Jungkook’s hands is firmly attached to the door while the other holds your hips tight so you can’t escape him; a thigh slides in between your own legs, parting them and pressing it against your core.

“____ - fucking hell, you’re just so - .”

Jungkook is lost in the pleasure as he dips towards your neck, manoeuvring past your blouse collar, licking, nipping and biting at the skin — making sure that everybody knows just who exactly it is you belong to.

“Mhm, look at me,” you manage to persuade.

You run your fingers through your husband's onyx locks, watching as some of the gelled strands fall from the hairstyle and in front of his beautiful face. He smiles gently, his teeth on full display as he sweeps you up off of your heels and twirls you around in his arms, tucking his head into your shoulder and placing affectionate little kisses in the crook of your neck.

Today is a special day for the both of you, but especially for Jungkook. After years of dedication and hard work, Jungkook had just been elected President; the youngest in history to be exact. All the late night meetings that he would have to attend, skipped dates, and missed anniversaries have all been worth it for this moment; holding your husband's hand and walking this path with him.

Jungkook has always had the vigour and drive for this. Knowing from a young age that he always wanted to make a difference in the world, to strive, eager to create a legacy — being President was how he knew he could make a real tremendous difference. And truth be told, you could not be any prouder than you are at this moment.

Your arms wrap tightly around Jungkook as he continues to spin you around the small room before he sets you down and brushes his lips against your forehead. A gesture he always did in a moment of glory.

“How are you feeling, little swan?” Jungkook sighs against your head, his breath warming your flesh.

You keen at the nickname he shares with you. ‘Little swan’ being what he calls you as you had always held yourself with such gracefulness and elegance; even before standing by his side through his presidential run. It is as if you were born to be here by his side as his First Lady.

You slowly pull away from the warmth of his body, keeping your hands entwined around his neck. Jungkook’s eyes never break away from you, watching as your own eyes start to well up.

“I’m thinking about just how proud I am of you. How proud I am to have you as the leader of our country. But most of all, how proud I am to call you my husband,” you say, blinking away the tears quickly before they could fall and ruin your makeup.

Jungkook, without an ounce of hesitation, softly kisses you with his petal-like lips. It’s slow, tender and loving; unlike the kiss that you both shared just a few moments ago. His hand slides around your waist and pulls you back towards his body, resting it on the small of your back.

His tongue slips out and presses against your lips, eventually parting them and sliding in to tangle with your own. The kiss grows more heated as minutes pass, both of you opening your mouths simultaneously to allow further access.

Every part of your body sparks underneath Jungkook’s dextrous fingertips, making it hard to keep quiet. Your own digits thread through the hair at the nape of Jungkook's neck, finding the little curls and gently gripping them in your palm. Jungkook moans into your mouth and you swear you can feel his heart rate pick up like an insistent drum beat. Twisting your head, you deepen the kiss further, allowing his tongue to roll over and around yours as if trying to savour every single tiny detail about this day to memory. The sounds of mouths smacking together fills the room and you find yourself so indulged in his kiss that you let out low moans as Jungkook swallows them up.

With no warning, Jungkook lifts you back into his arms and takes slow strides to the other side of the office, where he places you down on top of the desk. His right hand slithers behind you to find the zipper at the back of your skirt and teasingly tugs it down ever so slowly.

Your own hands work in tandem with each other to work on the buttons of Jungkook’s shirt, getting impatient before you tear the fabric right down the middle, listening as the buttons fall onto the table and floor around you, revealing your husband's toned physique.

“Someone’s eager,” Jungkook smirks, his eyes glittering from the soft yellow lights above.

Grinning, you reply, “I’m never a patient person around you, baby”

His face inches closer to yours once more, his breath ghosting over your face where you can smell the faint scent of peppermint from his gum and the sweet flowery scent from his cologne he applied this morning. Jungkook's lips are barely touching yours and when you tilt your head and pull him towards you by the neck once more, he pulls back.

“Well maybe I should teach you a thing or two. That’s the only way you’re going to get what you’re craving.” Jungkook quips. You allow your eyes to flutter shut as you revel in the feeling of his weight against you.

Rolling your head to the side, you allow Jungkook to leave his own bites and sucks from your ear and down your neck. Never one to linger, his lips travel down your jaw, his tongue tickling against your skin as he works down to your neck, nipping at the skin before laving over the small marks before sinking his teeth into the juncture of your throat and shoulder.

You groan in frustration but keep the smile on your lips, knowing that when you play the intolerant card that Jungkook will soon enough put you back in your place.

Removing yourself from the desk, you twist your body around and place both hands flat firmly against the wooden desk, bending over to make sure the curve of your ass presses into Jungkook.

“Is it so wrong that I just want Mr. President to fuck me?” You purr, swaying your hips menacingly.

Before you can continue using your hips to tease Jungkook, his hands travel to your sides, halting your lustrous movements.. His fingers slide through the hem of your skirt and bunches it in his fists in a tugging motion. His fingertips graze your skin every so often, leaving a path of goose bumps to rise. You feel the clothing pool at your heels in a ‘swish’ motion followed by Jungkook who finds himself on his knees, lifting each one of your legs once to move the clothing from your feet — pressing wet kisses to the back of your calves.

Jungkook gets back to his feet, his hands leisurely trailing up your sides, past your hips and waist, feeling the lace of your underwear under his digits and then finally reaching your chest. “Leave the heels on,” he announces as he moves his palms around and cups both of your tits in each hand and firmly squeezes them a little harder than necessary prompting a moan from you.

The way his index finger and thumb slides past the lace fabric of your bra to find your nipples makes your legs weak. He rolls the hardened bud over and over until he begins to feel your body tremble against him.

He removes himself from your tits in favour of grabbing your hair at your nape and pulling you flush against his body. Leaning down, he directs his kiss bitten lips towards your neck and nibbles at the underside of your ear and squeezes your breast again. “I would never have been able to do this without you,” Jungkook whispers in your ear before suckling your earlobe into his mouth and grazing the flesh in between his teeth.

Jungkook pushes his thigh in between your legs and parts them. You moan on command as he starts to press into your pussy. Your back arches further into his chest as you feel your slick stick to your underwear.

Wasting no time, Jungkook manages to turn you around to face him once more and presses his swollen lips back into yours. Immediately, you part your lips and massage his tongue with your own messily, where teeth clash. Your nimble fingers tremble as they undo the top button of Jungkook’s pants.

You pop it open after a struggle, trying to concentrate on his mouth on yours and eventually you pull the zipper down and dip your hand into his Tom Ford boxers you love so much. Moving one hand over his hard dick, you rub tauntfully, making sure to add a bit of pressure once you near his tip and Jungkook releases a deep growl into the open air.

His cock is hard, heavy and slightly wet from the copious amounts of pre-cum that has leaked from his tip. You’re able to work your wrist in a fluid motion, making sure to spread his cum around from tip to base and back again. You break the kiss and look into your husband's eyes, taking in the beauty of his own — deep shades of spellbinding chestnut.

“Fuck, you’re so good with your hands,” he hums. "I'm yours, little swan. Every inch. Take what belongs to you.”

With one last kiss to his lips, you sink to your knees and look up to Jungkook from down below. With his head thrown back, shirt hanging off his shoulders showing off the sweat that is beginning to show on his skin, he looks so utterly beautiful in the throes of his pleasure. You grip tightly at his unzipped pants and pull them down far enough to release his pretty cock and watch it bop in front of you.

There is something so erotic about the way you handle Jungkook. The way you swallow harder than usual at the sight of him, even after all these years. It’s the way your fist can never quite close fully when you take him into your hand — his girth too big for your hand to fully wrap all the way around.

You watch on mesmerised as Jungkook still hardens under your touch, not believing that he could grow any more yet you’re always taken by surprise. Your hand pumps him diligently. Slow and tight. The leaking precum aiding you in an easy glide and then making sure to flick your wrist just the way he likes it at the tip.

“Is this how you want me? On my knees, messy and drooling for you,” you tease, wanting nothing more than to please the man in front of you.

“Fuck, yeah,” Jungkook’s voice is breathy as his responses comes out in a broken moan. Looking down below, Jungkook wraps your hair around his fist and edges you closer to his cock. Once you’re close enough, he wraps his own hand around his base and presses the head to your parted lips, making sure to spill anything from his cock onto your lower lip.

You nudge closer and let your tongue glide smoothly down his shaft, feeling the way the veins that run on the underside pulses in your mouth before pulling back and licking your lips salaciously to savour the salty taste of him as it tingles your taste buds.

Continuing to use your tongue, you wrap your mouth around him and beckon yourself further down his cock, pulling back and then teasing the slit with the point of your tongue. The noises from above you catch your attention as you watch Jungkook in euphoric bliss, enough to spur you to sink back down again.

Your hand continues to stroke whatever parts of his length you can’t quite reach. Every so often, you pull off completely and drag your thumb across the slit, mixing his cum and your spit into a messy mixture and using it as a form of lube for movement.

The fist in your hair tightens at your actions and pulls you off of his cock completely. You look up at him through wet lashes and a wicked grin on your face — a silent plea for him to give you more. Opening your mouth, you stick your tongue out and let the pearly liquid on your tongue run down the muscle.

Jungkook grabs at his base again and catches the concoction from your tongue with the tip of his cock before he takes control and forces in as much of his cock into your mouth as you can possibly take. You gag around him as he places his second hand onto the back of your head to keep you still, using your hair to guide your movements backwards and forwards onto his dick, every thrust pushing further past the barricade of your throat.

“Oh… my God. _____, t-that feels s-so good,” he hisses, his hips not stopping snapping into your face.

As the words leave his mouth, you push yourself further towards his hips and swallow his cock whole. Your nose is pressing up against his pubic bone as the tears once gathered at your lashes fall freely, effectively ruining your makeup you tried hard to keep pristine previously.

Jungkook’s movements still and he bends forward while keeping you in place as he feels you swallowing around him, the constricting pressure of your throat around him pushing him closer to his orgasm.

Before long, you’re pulled off of his dick and suck in a breath to aid the lack of oxygen your body hadn’t received. You’re quick to sink yourself back down on him and repeat your actions once again. Licking up and down, you extend your tongue and massage him thoroughly, making sure to caress and give extra attention to the crown, knowing that this is the most sensitive part for him.

Both Jungkook and your own breathing increases in the midst of the pleasure. The addition of the vibrations coming from your throat adds to the wet friction your mouth is providing. Your hand creeps up and wraps around where your mouth can’t reach. Jungkook throws his head back as his hand on the back of your head tightens and guides you back and forth.

You feel him shiver from above you as it all becomes a little too much for Jungkook. Not wanting to come just yet, he pulls out of your throat, past your tongue and watches as a river of saliva that connects him to your mouth snaps and dribbles down your chin, down to your chest and tits and onto his dress pants.

Jungkook is quick in removing his shirt from his back and throwing it to join the rest of both your discarded clothes before lifting you off the ground and placing you onto the desk behind him with your legs dangling off the desk while the rest of you lay back on the wood which is a cool contrast to your own temperature. He kisses you lewdly one more time causing you to repeatedly moan loudly into the kiss, every sound being devoured by his demanding mouth. A hand grips your hips and another finds your chest and trails its way up until you feel it wrap around your throat, sending your eyes rolling into the back of your head and mind searing.

A deep, steady inhale from Jungkook brings you back to reality, feeling him release your throat from his grip and begin their travel again, ghosting over the valley between your tits, barely touching your skin before tracing them over your nipples.

He squeezes one of your breasts, watching as the bud beneath his hand stiffens in his hold, sending a wave of pleasure to you. Rolling the bud in his skilled fingers, you throw your head back and open your mouth in a silent whimper for him. Jungkook continues to roll, pinch, and pull on the bud before making his way to the other, making sure to give it the same pleasure.

“It’s my turn to show you just how appreciative I am of you, little swan.”

You aren’t given any time to respond before Jungkook peels your thighs apart and places one of your heels on the desk whilst the other is thrown over his shoulder. He presses down on each thigh to keep you still and kneels down, levelling your pussy. His dark eyes take in the sight of you in front of him, admiring the way your body reacts to every move he makes.

Gathering a glob of spit in his mouth, Jungkook pulls your underwear to the side and parts your pussy with his index and middle fingers, letting the saliva drip out his mouth with no rush and watches as it spreads across your sticky cunt and his fingers.

He runs the wet fingers up and down your pussy, making you squirm underneath him. He is slow and calculated with his movements, brushing his thumb against your clit, making sure to clamp down on the swollen bundle before sliding both fingers in with little friction, just to watch your body jolt in response.

Wordlessly, Jungkook starts a fast rhythm of pumping his fingers in and out of your pussy over and over again; twisting it once his knuckles reach your entrance as you buck your hips for more.

Jungkook dips his head down and licks and nips a line from your navel south to your cunt. His greedy mouth flattens the muscle and licks down up the mess he created through the length of your pussy with enthusiastic and unrestrained fervour, watching your eyes flutter shut, back arching as you bite on your knuckles to keep quiet.

He opens up your folds and sucks on your clit harshly, bringing waves of pleasure to wash over you. His tongue merely sucks and swallows every dribble of your released juices as he coaxes you towards your high in record time. His tongue finds your clit, softly swirling around the sensitive little bud. The taste of you is sweet like honey but Jungkook believes the sounds you make are even sweeter.

“Oh, fuck, b-baby,” you mumble, pleasure taking over every part of your body. “So good with your tongue.”

You feel Jungkook grin against your pussy as his hand gripping your thigh tightens and his tongue picks up the pace as he presses closer into you. Your words are rewarded with quick flicks and sucks to your clit causing your back to arch completely off the desk.

“Gotta stretch your tiny pussy open if you want me,” Jungkook goads.

Going back straight to work, Jungkook’s focus falls solely on your pussy as he buries his face in your cunt and laps at your slick again and again, riling you up towards your orgasm. The way his name keeps slipping through your teeth is music to Jungkook’s ears causing him to unconsciously keep your hips against the desk and pull you closer to him so there is no escape from his ministrations.

Increasing the pace, both of you can hear the sounds of your pussy squelching from his fingers and he ponders the thought of just how pornographic it all is. You can feel a ghosting smirk on his lips as you keen at the pleasure. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as you near your high. Little whimpers leave your mouth without a care, and you know that if there are to be any of Jungkook’s servicemen outside the room, they would be able to hear every fine detail going on in this room.

The melodic sounds falling from your lips made Jungkook’s heart flutter, spurring him on to consume you fully. He hums his praise straight into your wet slick, drinking everything you give to him. Your breathing is jagged and your fingers find his hair, blindly tugging at the roots in a silent plea for more.

He sinks his fingers into you again and this time you let the scream that has been harbouring out, not caring at all about who is about. He doesn’t stop this time, fucking you with his fingers until your body is numb from everything but euphoria as your climax leaves your breathing ragged.

“You’re so perfect, and all mine,” he whispers into your pussy, devouring every little part of you. “I can’t wait to show you off to the world.”

Jungkook never stops working you through it, mouthing at your clit, pushing his tongue further into your pussy to swallow every last drop of your produce. The fist in his hair clamps down with force and he groans, doing nothing to stop you. Your mouth is open, an endless stream of cries escaping until your hips fall limp on the desk with ragged breaths and trembling legs.

Eventually, Jungkook stills his fingers knuckle deep inside of you and closes his eyes, concentrating on the way your pussy clenches around his fingers rapidly. Tighter and tighter you clench around him, feeling like a knot in a rope that is being pulled from both ends and on its way to unravelling just for him.

Before long, he withdraws his fingers slowly as you hiss at the emptiness created. He holds his fingers in the air and you lift your head to see his digits glisten under the lights.

“You’re such a messy girl, aren’t you?” he whispers, spreading his fingers so you can see the strings of slick sticking between them, a clear substance connecting the appendages. Jungkook's lips wrap around one of the coated digits and moans appreciatively. “Always taste the sweetest, little swan,” he moans. “Wanna taste?”

You nod your head and open your mouth for Jungkook to feed you his other finger. Your lips wrap around him and you suck diligently for your husband as you clean them off carefully, your tongue circling and lapping up at the taste of your own mess creating a filthy wet sound resounding as you do.

A long, loud whimper is played for you from deep within Jungkook’s chest as he watches you suck on his finger. His eyes are full of lust and hunger. Removing himself from your mouth, Jungkook’s hand finds your throat and wraps around, bringing himself closer to you so he can claim your lips once more in a rough and possessive kiss, biting your bottom lip and pushing his tongue into you fully. This is the side you love about Jungkook. Strong. Assertive. Commanding. Exactly the traits he’ll bring to his presidency.

“Open.”

You open your mouth on command as Jungkook leans over the top of you once more and spits right into the back of your throat, watching as you swallow it down without a fuss, making sure to let your tongue hang open to show that you’ve taken it all.

“Such a dirty girl, aren’t you?” Jungkook says softly. “Come here, turn around for me,” he tells you as he taps your thigh twice.

You kick off your heels and turn around, feeling Jungkook clutch at your shoulder and shoving your upper body down onto the desk. He is quick to remove you from your underwear, pick up a leg and place it on the desk before positioning himself behind you. You adjust yourself onto your elbows, readying yourself for him to sink in.

A low gasp leaves your lips as he presses himself against you and guides the blunt head of his cock through your folds, wetting it in your arousal. Jungkook thrusts unhurriedly through your slick, making sure to take his time to rile you up.

“Jungkook, please,” you beg.

A deep laugh comes from behind you as he resumes gliding his length in and out of your slit to coat himself. Your hips roll back towards Jungkook automatically in an attempt and hope that he would slip inside to relieve you from the growing tension in your body. But it never happens. He just pulls further away from you with a disapproving sigh before pressing the tip of his length back through your folds and leaving you frustrated both physically and emotionally.

Over and over again he does this until the leg that is on the floor that is keeping your weight centred is shaking and your forearms are straining as they fight to keep you upright.

“Be a good girl and tell me what it is you want?”

You open your mouth to give him an answer but before you have the chance, Jungkook slaps your clit with his cock and you stutter and fumble all over your words. You squirm restlessly and eventually your arms admit defeat and give out causing your chest to collide with the desk.

“I can’t hear you, little swan.”

“P-please Jungkook, I want you,” you wail, tears gathering at your lashes the more frustrated you become. “I want you to fuck me, Mr President.”

The use of his new title seems to be the key to grant you exactly what you need. With a snap of his hips, Jungkook buries his cock into you with an erotic moan, feeling the way you suck him in full to the brim and clench around him.

Your vision blurs, mouth wide open in a silent cry as he stills inside of you, feeling the head of his cock press against the furthest part of you. Your arousal only flows further and coats both Jungkook’s cock and your inner thighs in a sticky gleam as he drags himself from you in a record slow pace, making sure you feel every inch of him.

“Shit, you’re such a needy girl aren’t you little swan. You want my cock, is that it?” You whimper softly at the look he gives you — a look of hunger like he is getting ready to devour every single part of you.

Within a matter of seconds, Jungkook pushes back into your pussy, his hands finding each side of your waist and pulls you further back onto him. His thrusts are quick and precise, you feel like your insides are being rearranged and nothing has felt better.

Everything about the way Jungkook fucks you feels so good. His cock is rubbing against your cervix in the most pleasurable ways with each thrust that is delivered. The desk below you creaks from the weight being ploughed into it and you laugh as you watch the contents on the tabletop fall to the ground from his thrusts.

You find yourself laying flat against the surface, mouth open and drooling from the onslaught brought to your pussy from the man behind you. Each time he would slam into you, a wail of ecstasy at the feeling of fullness and the way he stroked your velvety walls with each thrust fills the open air.

Jungkook's hands slithers down to your sides and tugs both of your wrists behind your back. He holds them clamped one on top of the other, securely locked in one of his own as he picks up the pace. Jungkook can’t take his eyes off of your ass as it bounces with the force of his thrusts, raising his other hand and slapping the flesh on either side. You give an experimental clench around his dick once more and hear him mewl from behind you.

Jungkook pulls out until just his tip is nestled into you before sinking back into you going as deep as he possibly can. You let out a small shriek at the motion as he pulls himself back out of your quivering hole and pushes back in, in another fluid motion.

“Fuck, let me see you,” Jungkook grunts into your ear.

Your brow furrows as he twists your body around in his hands, your mouth dropping open as he sits you on the desk with your legs spread apart, giving him plenty of space to step in between and sink back into you. He is fast enough to catch you in another kiss, rough and hard as his hips regain their ruthless pace with only one thought in his mind — you sobbing his name, clenching around him with everything you have, your slick coating you both as you cry over and over, trembling.

“Baby, I’m going to come,” a strangled scream rips through you, eyes shutting tight and pushing the tears from the corner of your eyes down the sides of your face.

The sounds of his grunts fill the space around you both as he begins picking up the pace, watching the way your tits bounce with the impact. You wrap your legs around Jungkook and lock your ankles together to pull him closer to you as he balances his hands on the desk on either side of you.

You feel his lips on yours again as he continues to fuck you, hungry for every taste of you as his hand grips your hip with a little more force. You groan into the kiss, reaching up to lay your hand on the nape of his neck, only to have the groan turn to a whimper when he nibbles at your bottom lip.

“Let go little swan, give me all of you.”

Jungkook looks like some sort of god as he hovers over you, pleasuring you in the only way that he knows how; drawing sounds from you that you never thought you would make so publicly with the knowledge of people just outside the door. Yet, he drinks in your melody of noises, both of your heads spinning in euphoria as you both listen to the sounds of skin on skin resounding in the small office space. His name on your lips sounding like the most beautiful thing he has ever heard as you cry it out in pleasure.

Your walls clamp around his cock as he stills inside of you after a particular hard rut. Your mouth opens in pleasure, and legs tremble around Jungkook as your orgasm overtakes you and you spill your juices all over his dick. Jungkooks head dips down and presses his lips into the hollow of your throat and nips the skin harshly as he continues to thrust over and over into your oversensitive pussy. His eyes catch his cock dragging out of you covered in white, watching as it spreads across your thighs and the desk below you.

“O-oh, shit, _____.” The sight itself is enough to make Jungkook still entirely as he finally comes without warning, spilling inside of you with his hips pressed firmly against yours. He whimpers as his cock twitches and he captures your lips with his again as his hips give little thrusts through the aftershocks of his euphoria, a never ending stream of his cum being pushed inside you.

Your lips still pressed together, you both hiss as you are both overcome with sensitivity, tears of euphoric pleasure staining both of your faces.

Slowly, your body grows lax and you can feel Jungkook start to pull himself out from you before grabbing at the handkerchief inside his suit jacket pocket and using that to wipe himself clean. He makes his way to you and watches as his cum seeps from out of your pussy and joins the mess that you made on the desk earlier. He giggles softly and begins to clean you up. Jungkook leans in and kisses you sweetly this time, his hand coming up to your face and runs it across the highest point of your cheeks to wipe away the tear stains left on your face. Gentle fingers brush away the hair from your face before he presses a gentle kiss to your forehead that you return with a kiss to his chest.

A small knock on the door breaks you both out of the momentary bliss you have entered as you both scramble to pick up your clothes that had been haphazardly thrown around the office.

“Who is it?” You ask, trying everything in your power to suppress the giggle threatening to leave your mouth.

“Um, this is Vice President Kim Seokjin.” There is an awkward pause for a moment as you and Jungkook stare at each other wide eyed, trying hard not to burst into laughter. “We are waiting for President Jungkook to make out and make his public speech…”

At this, both you and Jungkook subsequently let out fits of giggles as you both remember that after the election there is always the first public speech to be made by the elected president and his first lady.

It is about to become painfully obvious to the whole world what went down in this room and there is no way either of you were about to live this down.

#btshoneyhive #btsdreamcourt #bangtansorciere #btswritingcafe #btsgoldnet #btscarnivalnet #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #bts smut #bts fluff #bts drabble #bts imagine #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts #heyryen

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chemicalarospec · 5 months

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tag game: 9 people you'd like to get to know better

thank you!! @pomegranates-and-onyx and @lowoliet!!! <3 I'm missed doing these tbh. I reordered the items so the sequence makes more sense xoxo

Favorite color: I usually say purple but I don't really feel that strongly

Relationship status: lmaoo I'm aro (greyro-ish?). I actually have long thought I would like to fake-date/date for fun, but just the other day went "I still haven't kissed anybody and I know plenty of ppl have a 1st older than me but tbh I don't think I ever will". Other than that, I've got a few friends I really like, a few friends I kinda don't, and some people in between. Solid nuclear family tho 👍

Currently consuming (eating, by the looks of the trend): Waiting on a response from a friend to see if her cookies (mint & chocolate) are tree nut-free. I hope I can eat them; they look great.

Last song: "Capital M-E" by Taking Back Sunday (I cheated a little b/c last night I listened to a bunch of random songs lol)

Current watching: Dan and Phil? Hbomb's latest video? theoretically, Death Note, Cunk on Earth, and Akira and Akira.

Last movie: Die Hard haha

Three ships: lawlight, tntduo … hm, Arthur/Eames from Inception is a favorited Ao3 tag I do regularly go back to

First ship: Not *too* sure either but I think it HAS to be Snowbaz b/c of the Fangirl -> Tumblr blog stalker thing & that book introducing me to fandom (whoops, that 'thing's not universal knowledge... after Fangirl I scoured Rainbow Rowell's blog which led me to gingerhaze.tumblr.com (he did the cover art) and b/c I couldn't read Nimona online I read his blog instead. b4 that I only went to youtube.com and minecraft.net) WAIT NO. I've always considered genderswapped Johnlock (SheJane) to be my first ship hahaha. (yes, it had to be genderswapped. reality was different back then)

Currently working on: sooo *twirls hair* there's these Hamlet scene analyses (plural)... that were due today.... also some Calc I think... my portfolio for a writing contest... Blind Justice Light Yagami drawing, if the motivation holds. And my Death Note fics I listed here :D

tagging @detective-horse-girl @l3mon-boy @cmstyles19 @sophaeros @i-could-bee-an-angel & seconding @drfurter well @novaliae I know you pretty well but you too of course :) no pressure to anybody if you'd rather not do it tho! & feel free to join in the fun and let me know u would like to foster mutual affection :D

#i was gonna reblog one of u but i saw that everyboyd's making a new post #I said this #tag game #i love doing these but everytime it gets to the tagging part i carefully calcuate who to tag based off what mutuals were last in my notes +#how personal the posts they liked/reblogged were.#personal #ships #it took me like an hour to do this lol... hamlet here i come...#i'm liking it less than i expected? idk

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hiddenhearthwitch · 1 month

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do u have any tips/advice on how to identify and separate intrusive thoughts vs anxiety vs coincidence vs ‘this a fucking sign from the gods PAY ATTENTION’ cause tbh i feel so alone and def fuckng insane :)

First of all sugs, you're not alone. 💚 I definitely struggle with intrusive thoughts and it can be a terrible struggle between a "sign" and "wow you're in a park of course you saw a bird". You're not insane, there's just a lot in the world and even inside yourself for one human brain to process. I'm going to try to break this up into intrusive thoughts + anxiety then into coincidence + signs because it feels easier to lay out that way. We'll talk magical and mundane ways to work through this. I'm sending you good vibes babes. 🤍✨

I constantly have to remind myself that thoughts are not facts and I shouldn’t believe everything I think.

Sometimes when I have an intrusive thought I visualize myself as this dope ass paladin and I literally fight my thoughts away? I just close my eyes and meditate and focus on being the strong person I want to be and slay my own dragons. Sometimes that’s too hard and I just picture All Might because he’s Best Dad, if you have a favorite character I would give it a shot.

Aromatherapy bracelets and necklaces can be super helpful as well. Medicinally speaking lavender, chamomile, and opium would be the most mentally easing. Magically speaking pine, oak, lavender, valerian root, and hawthorn are all great for stability/protection in my experience.

I personally carry around a sachet of onyx, rose quartz, lavender, pine, and oak.

You can minimize the damage of intrusive thoughts with self-help. This includes being mindful in the wake of an intrusive thought. Don’t waste your time obsessing over why you had that thought or what it all means. I’ve noticed once I learned to get past asking, “why am I thinking this?” all the time they don’t weigh as heavily on me. You are not your thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are kind of just like a really loud boombox to me. Usually, if I listen to music I can really get into I can quiet down the thoughts. For the past four months or so Nujabes has been amazing musician to turn too. This past month Modal Soul has been the album that helps the most. It usually takes me a full album to feel normal again and I feel albums give me more stability than a playlist but honestly do what’s best for you.

Compulsive behavior can manifest when you try to change who you are based on the intrusive thoughts you experience. Changing who you are and your reality because of a thought that isn’t necessarily rational is the worst way to go about it. Stop trying to change who you are so you can adjust to your thoughts. Try to think about yourself in a third person perspective, “what would (insert name here) do in this situation?” This might not work for everyone but it’s helped me out once I started noticing the patterns.

From a magical perspective I’ve noticed moonstone is the stone that helps me the most. However most of my intrusive thoughts are PTSD related and I feel like moonstone helps me because it’s also stabilizing and can help prevent dissociation. I do also really enjoy onyx, tigers eye, and rose quartz as well!

Learn to recognize the starting signs for your intrusive thoughts. When my intrusive thoughts begin, they usually start off pretty simple. It’s one thought that feeds into a bigger insecurity or fear. Once you can spot the first thought you can start fighting it.

On the focus of coincidence versus a sign:

If I'm unsure if it's a sign I ask myself why I'm looking for a sign or if my gods made it clear to me to look out for one. Am I in a turning point in my life? Do I know I need guidance? Did previous divination point towards a sign coming my way?

Sometimes coincidence is the sign. If you're trying to decide if you want a purple or green wedding fit and you're driving down the road and see a shit ton of purple cars. I would call that a sign. If it's something you're actively thinking about and then it's glaringly in your face - I read that as a sign.

I've personally asked my gods to send me a sign three times if they're trying to tell me something. So that way I know.

I also take into account where I am. For example: I tend to read falcons and hawks as a sign or general greeting from Freyja. I live five miles from a national park though - hawks are every where, if I'm looking I can pretty much always find one or two on the way to or from work. Not really a sign if it's just local ecosystem at play.

That being said - they can still be signs. It's one thing if a bird of pray is just sitting on a lamp post. It's another to see it sitting on my car or catching a snake right outside my window. Common things aren't always signs - it can just be the mundane. That's when it's important to think about how it appeared and how it made you feel. Intuition is a powerful tool.

Ask yourself how you're feeling. I know this is probably a typical response but I know I personally read into everything when I'm anxious. I will catastrophize. Anything and everything becomes a sign of impending doom, fear of failure, etc. It's important to be aware of your inner dialogue and feelings when looking for signs.

If divination is a strong suit for you, consider using your divination tools as a way to verify if something was or was not a sign.

This is 100% personal belief but if a deity comes to me in a dream I will always read it as a sign. My dreams with gods are far and few between but relationships with them run very deep.

I'm not sure if any of this really helped or made sense but I hope it did. Good luck on your endeavors friend. 💐

#asks #answered #witchblr #beginner witch #witch tips #witch community #beginner pagan

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stitchwraith-stingers · 4 months

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HAII!!! SURPRISE GIFT JUMPSCARE!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! luv u all!!!

lampwick for @castlingvanias , sophia carter for @springbonnie-fanclub , amaya izumi for @valleyfthdolls , heath for @frindoka, ocha for @toothlesstdm , satoshi for @cobrajacky and GLaDoS for @bearionette

tried to get every detail on these guys sorry if i missed something </3 ALSO IM SORRY FOR ANY SHAKEY LINES THE MOUSE I USUALLY USED DECIDED TO STOP WORKING THE MOMENT I STARTED TO WORK ON THIS AND I HAD TO USE MY SISTERS GAMER MOUSE RIP

seperate versions under cut + extra words <3

andrew - HI ANDREW SORRY IK UR IN UR PKMN BRAINROT MOMENT RN BUT I ALWAYS LOVE TO DRAW LAMPWICK EVEN THOUGH I DONT KNOW HER AWHOLE ALOT <333 thank you for making pinnochio yuri real in ur adapation and i did not expect you to follow me after i found ur andrew art that one time and im still so happy i mananged to name one of ur aus AKJDKJ ALSO YOU JUST ALWAYS HAVE THE BEST OPINIONS EVER . EVERYTIME YOU GO INTO MY ASKBOX TO TYPE AN ESSAY UR THAT ONE GUY WRITING ON FIRE GIF... COOLEST PERSON IVE EVER SEEN

bonnie - THANK U FOR HAVING SUCH BASED OPINIONS I LOVE THE IDEA OF TRANSFEM JULIUS... estrogen probably saved her... GRAHH I LOVE UR PIXEL-ISH ART STYLE AND YOU ALSO JUST GET IT.. YOU GET EVERYTHING AND I ALWAYS TRUST U W FAZ FRIGHTS OPINIONS..... yes rouge thank you for listening to my insane ramblings about peeing in a hot topic /ref (how faz frights yuri should be more popular)

onyx - GRAHH I LOVE UR IDEAS SO MUCH UR SO GOOD W WORDS i love ur au as well AND I LOVE UR IDEA OF VANNY / VALENTINE....that one time you made a comment about how ur impressed w the fact i can draw in ms paint has stayed in my mind i dont know why ..... ONE HUNDRED BILLION TRILLION SMILES AND HUGS... UR SO COOL AND EPIC WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE IT

fret - HII FRET .. NOT ALOT OF WORDS CUZ WE ARENT SUPER CLOSE SORRY </3 ur art is so epic and awesome and i love how you draw tufts so much ... i did not expect you to refind me again after i dissapeared from twt LOL but so cool and epic... i tried to get heath as accurate as possible but i couldnt find a ref that wasnt from september and i wasnt sure if it was updated so im sorry if i got anything wrong </33 i LOVEDD doing the stripes so much sorry the ones on the tail look so rushed

lillie - WE DONT TALK ALOT EITHER!!! I LOVE HOW COMPLICATED YOU CAN DO ANY DESIGN!!!!!!!! i tried to challange myself to get it fully accurate to the ref i found.. yeah that anon was me sorry....GRAHH UR ART IS SO PRETTY IM GRABBING YOU LIKE A SOPPY WET CAT.. PEACE AND LOVE ON THE PLANET EARTH you are the most joyus person on the planet i have ever seen i swear if i walk into your room it would be straight up the sun you are SO HAPPY AND POSITIVE I LOVE IT

charolette - HIII ... KEEPING THE RUNNING THEME OF ALWAYS MISPELLING UR NAME CUZ I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO SPELL IT.. YOUVE BEEN HERE THE LONGEST ... EVER SINCE MY DA DAYS AND MY DRTWT SHINANIGANS... i will forever mourn the fact the 'WHAT THE FUCK IS POISON GENDER' video where we dunked on some random romanian dudebro guy for making fun of my pkmn headcanons and we used danganronpa sprites is gone... ur the type of person to read the bible as if its some random every day novel and i think thats rad and cool.... this florust guy looks so cool i hope atleast he survives abit in ur fangan.. holding a cake that says IM SORRY THAT YOU KNEW ME WHEN I WAS 11

atlas - HI ATLAS... UR ART IS THE SHIT I LOVE IT... THE COLORS R SOSOSOSO BEAUTIFUL.. ONE BILLION SMILES FOR YOU AND I LOVE UR CASSIE DESIGN... IF I EAT UR ART IT WOULD PROBABLY TASTE LIKE MANGO... GRAHHH i cant believe we started to talk after you drew my cookie run oc that one time... ITS SO COOL TO SEE HOW FAR YOUVE GONE W UR ART.. i tried to keep the blocky shape of ur GLaDoS design AND IT WAS SO FUN TO EXPIRIMENT WITH..... yipee

#calico.exe #SORRY FOR ANY MISPELLINGS... PEACE AND LOVE ON THE PLANET EARTH #hope u all like it <3333 i speedran this in 2 days and i did not expect it either #ms paint #mspaint #artists on tumblr #my art #gift #gift art #SORRY FOR ANY OTHER MUTUAL WHO SEES THIS I PICKED THE FIRST 7 PEOPLE THAT CAME TO MIND #ALSO MERRY CHRISTMAS IF YOU DO CELEBRATE IT* IF YOU DONT SORRY #also special shout out to my slowed glass animals and the worst playlist i could have conjured up cuz i listened to them like 30 times #while making this

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mediocre-daydreams · 2 years

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the one where the protein shake plays matchmaker

pairing: bucky barnes x gn! avengers! reader

summary: you and bucky barnes can find any reason to hate each other. new york can find any reason to believe you two are together. when steve asks you to do a co-interview with bucky, the two of you are barraged by dating rumors that you vehemently deny and it breaks bucky’s heart. do you really find the thought of being with bucky so revolting?

w/c: 10k

warnings: angst with a happy ending! (it’s not a fluffy ending, but there’ll be more parts to come with the fluff u guys deserve.) bucky’s an asshole, ur an asshole, but bucky’s also vulnerable and insecure and ur so fucking confused, and sam was joking the whole time but damn it actually happened. not proof read!!!

a/n: this is the longest fic i’ve ever written i literally woke up this morning, sat at the kitchen table, and blacked out for the entire day until this monstrosity of a piece was produced. peace out.

it was all sam’s fault. (but isn’t it always sam’s fault?)

you were nursing a freshly brewed coffee, the top half of your body folded over tony’s white onyx dupont corian marble countertops—which he just had installed two weeks ago and would kill you if he saw how casually you were treating them—when sam called you from his spot on the couch.

“hey, get over here,” he snorted. “you’re gonna wanna see this.”

you made no effort to move. “i’m looking at you right now, sam.” it wasn’t a lie; your spot from the countertop gave you a perfect view of sam’s lounging profile as he pointed the remote at the TV, aggressively pressing the volume button so you couldn’t avoid at least hearing whatever news he wanted you to see.

“...and the former Winter Soldier, otherwise known as Sargent James Barnes, are taking the internet by storm as young fans flood social media with pictures of the two cozying up outside a local café after the Avengers returned from an appearance in Manhattan.” you could hear the smile in the reporter’s voice. “personally, i’ve been a believer since the park bench incident, but many twitter users are claiming this is the ultimate confirmation of their relationship.”

“okay, what the hell?” you abandoned your coffee, stalking over to where sam was sitting smugly. “you’re telling me that james fucking barnes is in a relationship? are we talking about the same barnes? tall, brooding, bitchy barnes?” you roll your eyes as you slouched into the cushions and nuzzled into sam’s shoulder.

“yeah, in a relationship with you, hon.” sam tilted his head, resting it atop yours.

“ha ha, it’s too early for your bad jokes and you already tore me away from my caffeine fix.”

you could feel sam shuffling from above you, his breathy laugh making you suspicious.

“i’m not joking—just look.”

“FINALLY,’ one twitter user says, in all caps. i mean, that much is obvious.” the screen flashes with images of you and bucky, the two of you making eye contact in battle, walking next to each other through times square, you tending to his wounds on the sidewalk, and what you imagine to be the park bench incident that one of the reporters referred to earlier—bucky and you practically nose-to-nose, his cheeks flushed and your eyebrows furrowed.

“what the fuck? what is this?” you throw yourself off sam, the top of your head slamming into his chin in your haste. sam clutches his jaw, groaning dramatically before he flings himself on top of you, one hand coming up to his forehead as he gasps, pretending to faint.

“you’ve killed me! oh, what will bucky say when he finds out the love of his life is a murderer? what will he do when you’re jailed for manslaughter?” sam cages you with his arms, grinning maniacally from his perch a few inches above your face.

“sam, what the fuck? what did i just watch?” before sam can answer, you hear a loud and familiar scoff from the doorway.

“nobody wants to watch you make out in the kitchen, princess. it’s making me lose my appetite.” bucky strides in and your scowl immediately deepens. you wrestle yourself out from underneath sam.

“how many times have i told you to stop with that? we’re not making out, so stop taking your hangriness out on me, gramps.”

“sure, that explains why he’s literally on top of you. god, i see you guys groping each other so often that the image is practically branded into my mind.”

“groping? grope- so you can’t get me out of your mind, is that it? perv.”

bucky doesn’t give you the satisfaction of an answer, but you take it to mean that you’ve won. “right, and now you’ve got nothing to say? good, because i can’t stand your stupid, grating voice criticizing everything i do.” you’re on the verge of getting up and shoving yourself in front of his aggravating face just to prove a point, but sam interrupts your thoughts.

“ah, a lover’s quarrel. what is it, 7:30? this has got to be a record.” sam whips his phone out. “smile for the camera! TMZ is going to eat this up. imagine the headlines! ‘trouble in paradise: avengers star crossed couple bickering after jealous tensions arise.’”

“jealous?” bucky sneers. “what have i got to be jealous of? you two are sickening.” you realize how closely you’re still sitting next to sam.

“you’re just envious because you haven’t gotten any since the 40s.” you scoot away from sam’s side, refusing to give bucky more ammunition. “admit it, you wish women liked you as much as they like me.” it’s a bit of a low blow, and you’re aware. since becoming a public feature amongst the avengers, patching up his reputation has been a slow process. meanwhile, new york adores you. you can’t go anywhere without people asking you for autographs and pictures, but you don’t mind. you’re honored that the city entrusts you with the duty of protecting them, so you figure the least you can do is repay them with these small requests and warm smiles. bucky, on the other hand, mainly receives nervous glances and parents pulling their children closer to their sides. on the off chance some giddy fan requests a picture, bucky glowers until they leave with dejection painted across their faces. it’s no wonder bucky hasn’t been on any dates.

“right, because i’m so jealous of all your tiktik edits. slow motion close-ups of your face and body in different colors? alright doll, i’m sure women eat that up.” he’d never admit it, but he has seen some of your edits, and if he were to be objective, they were quite flattering. but, if he was to be subjective, he’d never personally be attracted to them.

sam coughed, hiding a laugh and bucky’s mispronunciation of the social media app.

“you know what? enjoy your protein shake, or whatever it is that appeases your masculinity. your testosterone is giving me a migraine.” you’re out of the room in a minute, taking your frustration from the room. bucky’s moodiness still loomed.

“the sexual tension is off the charts,” sam teased. bucky tensed, freezing as he measures his protein powder. (you were right, he does drink protein shakes.) “why can’t you guys just fuck already?”

bucky stammered. the tips of his ears were heating up, and he thanked himself for not getting that haircut. his brown locks are shorter than before, but still tousled enough to cover his ears when he’s sporting bedhead. “sexual tensi- sam, are you insane? i’m not gonna fuck your girl.”

sam had the audacity to laugh. to guffaw. bucky turned around, his confusion evident.

“my- my girl?” he’s wheezing, clutching his stomach. bucky didn’t have time for this.

“yes, why-” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “why do you keep talking about your girlfriend like that? i know it’s none of my business, or whatever, but it’s disrespectful. and for your information, i would never feel that way towards her, so you don’t have to worry.”

“my girl. my girl!” sam caught his breath, exaggeratingly fanning himself. “she’s not my girl, bucky. my girl, holy shit. my girl?” sam’s in disbelief, repeating the words as if he’s trying to process the absolute ludicrousy of it all. “that’s… that’s kind of disgusting, honestly. she’s like, my baby sister. do you need to get your prescription updated? they’ve been my sibling since they started here. i’m pretty sure they got me one of those gag gift “best older brother” mugs at some point, it might still be in the cabinet.” he gestured to behind bucky, where the tower’s impressive collection of mugs was hidden behind sliding glass.

bucky dug through the treasure chest of porcelain. sure enough, there was the mug, hidden in the back and collecting dust. ugly comic sans spelled out “i love my big brother,” with a red heart in lieu of the word love.

“i- so you guys aren’t together?”

“god, no! do you know how much younger they are than me? well, actually, not by much. but young enough that i view them as practically a child.”

bucky couldn’t help the boil in his stomach at that. “they’re not a child, sam. they’re an adult, and very capable of pissing me off just like an adult. as much as i hate children, they’re not capable of being such bi-” bucky refrained from using the word ‘bitches,’ knowing of its dehumanizing undertones and historical abuse against non-male people, and had decided to remove it from his vocabulary all together. he had been reading modern books and recently, gotten into feminism. bucky was still an equal opportunity offender, though. he wasn’t sexist—he hated you just as much as he hated sam. he opted for insulting sam. “don’t be an ansshole, sam.”

“why are you so worried, buck? you want them all to yourself, don’tcha?”

“are you kidding me? i can’t stand them! they’re so- argh, they make me want to- god, they’re so mouth it makes me want to gag them.”

“kinky.”

“i swear to god, sam. you’re not going to live to see your precious sibling again because i am going to come and murder you.” he started towards the couch, fists clenched.

“wait! before you bash in my pretty face, i’ve got something to show you.” bucky couldn’t help his curiosity as he took the phone from sam’s hands. “it’s a tiktok edit, the type you were talking about earlier.”

bucky had never realized people made tiktok edits of him. he was secretly flattered. the video had captured his good side, too. “and this is relevant how?” sam didn’t need to answer, because a few seconds later, bucky’s eyes looked like they were bulging out of his head. the video had gotten to the slow motion bit, and you had come on screen. the video showed you grabbing bucky’s hand mid-battle to drag him out of harm’s way, sparkles and hearts fluttering around the two of you. it cut to another slow motion of you two sending a silent message as you made eye contact from across the street, and then the video zoomed in on both of your faces as the music crescendoed. bucky, utilizing his new knowledge of the modern world, tapped on the comments. they were flooded with bullshit messages like “the way they look at each other <33” and “i want what they have” and even “somebody run me over with a bus.” he didn’t understand the last one, but the first two confirmed his fears.

“sam, do people- do people think we’re together?”

sam chortled. “if by people, you mean all of new york, then yes.” bucky’s face turned beet red as he tossed the phone back to his annoying friend as if it were a hot coal.

“oh god, oh my god… out of everyone, it has to be them?”

“don’t look so disgusted, man. we all know you guys have the hots for each other.”

bucky was running his hands through his hair in distress as he paced. just then, wanda appeared, dragging natasha behind her as she chattered on about the new sneakers she was getting pietro as natasha suggested colors. “aw, bucky’s blushing! i saw that video of you guys on the news, it was really cute. congrats on finally getting together!”

natasha smirked, a little more perceptive than the optimistic wanda. “yeah, congrats. i’m guessing the make-up sex was good, then? i heard a lot of noise this morning.”

“we are not together!” bucky growled.

“huh, really? could’ve fooled me. your thoughts are so loud about her, bucky. i don’t mean to read them or anything, but sometimes they’re just so strong that i can’t help it. i thought it was because you really loved her, or something.” wanda smiled, completely oblivious. “it’s kind of romantic, honestly.”

“in love with them?” bucky looked horrified. “please, i can’t even look them in the eye. they make me sick. i have to hold back my puke every time i’m near them.”

wanda, simultaneously preparing an omelette for her and natasha, shrugged. natasha quirked an eyebrow.

“sounds an awful lot like butterflies, buck. just sayin’.” she and wanda were quick to return to cooking as bucky stood here, shaking his head in shock. him? loving you? loudmouthed, arrogant, know-it-all you? you with the savior complex and big heart? big hearts were a weakness. they made you vulnerable.

bucky squished his face together, sighing. “i’m done with this conversation,” he mumbled. he looked down at his protein shake, which had begun to warm up in his hand as he had neglected it in favor of talking about you. he couldn’t help it—you were just so infuriating, how could he not think about you?

it was all steve’s fault. (captain america was not the golden boy everyone made him out to be.)

“have you lost it? bucky and i, doing an interview? first of all, you know that he’s going to provoke me the whole time. we’re gonna be at each others’ throats, and is that really the image you want to project? that the avengers can’t even get along? and second, he’s not exactly the most well liked right now. no offense to you, steve, but not everyone can see bucky the way you do. it’s all so new to everyone, and to him too, and it’s a lot to expect him to represent us. you, more than anyone, should know how antsy he gets around cameras. all the questions are gonna make him uncomfortable, and let’s be realistic, they’re going to be invasive questions too. he’s literally just started therapy, and expecting him to uncover all the details of his past to be broadcasted to the entire nation is kind of fucked up.”

steve looked at you with a look in his eye that you couldn’t quite place, as if he knew something you didn’t. “i know it’s asking a lot of him, and you too, but i think this is really going to help. having him open up a bit is going to show the people that he’s not the winter soldier anymore, but that he’s bucky barnes, a former soldier and a hero. people adore you, and you know that. your presence is going to humanize him. if you guys could just get along for an hour, you could do wonders for his public image. and yes, i know he hates cameras. but part of his distaste is because he knows they’re going to pin him in a bad light, but with you by his side, this could finally be the chance for him to get some positive attention. and if the interview goes really well, i’m hoping that positive press can be more permanent.”

you sigh, running the pros and cons through your head. on one hand, you hated his guts. he hated yours too, and because of that, you didn’t owe him anything. he was a big boy, he could handle his own problems. plus, you didn’t want to play babysitter for him of all people. you knew that you’d both hate it.

but still, this was bucky barnes. he might be indifferent and rude and self-absorbed, but he was still just a man overcoming his trauma. you could understand that—he was a POW thrust nearly 80 years into the future only to be harassed and hated by the public. he deserved a little bit of peace, and if one measly interview could change the way people treated him, maybe it was worth it. it would be selfish, you thought, to let your own hatred for him prevent him from that opportunity for happiness that would finally come from positive public attention.

“fine. i’ll do it.” you steeled your jaw. “but it’s not for him. not whatsoever. i just- i pity him, that’s all. it must suck for everyone to think you’re a dick, even if you kind of are. but this is the only time i’m ever doing anything for him—i mean, with him—so don’t get used to it.”

“thank you,” steve took your hands in his large ones, fingers curling over your defeated wrists. “this means so much to me. this’ll mean so much to him, too.”

you turned on your heel, calling over your shoulder. “send me the information. and let him know not to get the wrong impression—i still hate him.”

steve chuckled, looking down at the ground with amusement.

bucky cursed the world when he heard the news. “with them? are you kidding me? the whole interview is going to be about how kind and selfless and universally adored they are, it’s not going to help at all! plus, we’re going to be at each others’ throats and then it won’t matter what kind of press i’ll get because i’ll be in jail for first degree murder, you punk! please, dear god, please cancel it.”

“i can’t cancel it, buck. it’s scheduled for tomorrow.” bucky groaned, running his hands down his face. “it’s only an hour of screentime, and you’ll probably only be with them for a total of three hours.”

“why are there two extra hours, then?”

“you’ll have to get ready, and then you’ll probably stay and talk with the producers afterwards. it’s only polite. it’s live, so the audience will most likely want to meet you too.”

“steve, as much as i despire dr. raynor, i’m going to tell her about how insufferable you are. maybe she can issue me a medical exemption, because there’s no way this could be good for my mental health.”

“sorry, bud. i actually talked to dr. raynor about this, and she thinks it’d be good for you to make a public appearance and get people to like you more. something about a weight off your shoulders and team cooperation or whatnot. plus, you know dr. raynor would probably end up scheduling an extra session with you if you bailed, so the interview is probably the lesser of two evils.”

“fine. you know what? fine. but if the devil reincarnated doesn’t come back unscathed, don’t blame me.” bucky hung up with an aggressive tap on his screen, muttering a string of profanities under his breath.

it was wanda’s fault. she insisted on styling you, putting you in this nice button down and helping you pick out a pair of cool patterned pants. you refused the loose tie, even though wanda said it made you look hot. “i don’t want to look hot, wanda. i just want to get this over with.” you whined.

“babe, looking hot will make it more enjoyable. just imagine how many memes they’re going to get out of this; don’t you want to look your best?” wanda giggled, admiring your face in the mirror as makeup artists powdered your nose. bucky sat in the chair next to you, absolutely silent, his face expressionless as stylists attacked him with hairspray to keep that slightly windblown look in place. you had to admit, he was pretty with his hair all natural, or at least, styled with the intention of making it look so. this was all objective observation, though.

one of bucky’s stylists called your name gently. “what do you think?”

“it’s lovely, you’ve done such a wonderful job,” you smiled, genuinely appreciative for their attentive care and hard work.

“thank you! but i can’t take much credit. your boyfriend is a natural beauty,” the stylist commented as he dabbed a bit of foundation on bucky’s cheeks. bucky choked a bit. “hold still!” the stylist chided.

your stylist laughed at his reaction. “and such a sweetheart too! he’s a real good one, held the door for me and everything. you’re a real delight to work with,” she looked towards bucky, who was bewildered. “don’t tell anyone i said this, but you’re a welcome change from the snobbish interviewees we usually get. please, feel free to get interviewed more often.” she winked, applying a sheen of tint to your lips, preventing your from interjecting.

wanda’s eyes twinkled. “they’re so cute, aren’t they?” she chirped. “have you seen that picture of them on the bench?” she held her hand up to her heart. “so precious!”

your lips were finally free. “we’re not toge-”

just your luck; you were interrupted. “five minutes to showtime!” a voice called from out of view.

“thank you, five!” wanda and the stylists called. your stylist fiddled with your hair before giving you a nod of satisfaction and shooing you and bucky out. you two stood by the small hallway by the stage entrance. his body was burly enough to take up more than half the space, and you were forced so close to each other that you could feel his breath on your face. you immediately recognized the nerves—you had worn that same expression before your first interview, and you had wrung your hands in the same way, and you had trembled under clint’s reassuring gaze before he had taken your hand and squeezed it in comfort.

you wanted bucky’s interview to go well. after all, you knew what it was like to be in his shoes. cautiously, watching yourself as you slowly extended your fingers and brushed them against his. he shivered, taking a sharp inhale of air and holding his breath. his hand was too big for you to nestle your fingers between him comfortably, so instead, you nestled your palm between his. fingers wrapping around the back of his hand and tapping rhythmically, your eyes flickered up to meet his once again. his blue eyes, which had previously been stormy and dark, had lightened somewhat as they bored into yours. your heart was pounding. when was the last time you had been so nervous to be on TV? you had become somewhat of a natural, and it was all second nature. you supposed the stakes were higher this time around. now, you had to keep an eye out for bucky, and you’d be damned if you did a bad job.

bucky’s gaze snapped to the door as your cue was called, and he let go of the breath he was holding as he tightened his grip around your hand wordlessly. you gave him a small smile, eyebrows pinching sympathetically as you read the trepidation in his expressive eyes. “you’re gonna do great. just follow my lead.” he nodded, clenching his jaw in determination as you headed on stage to the cheering of an audience. the loveseat was smaller than usual, and you and bucky’s thighs brushed against each other as you settled in.

“welcome, welcome! here they are, the couple of the hour!” the crowd roared at that. your hand had begun to grow clammy, and you realized you and bucky had yet to let go of each others’ hands. you tore yours away from him quickly, wiping the perspiration on your pants as subtly as you could. you noticed his pang of hurt, quickly replaced by a fake smile.

“couple!” you laughed nervously. “i’m not sure how that rumor got started, but bucky and i are not together.” the host looked genuinely surprised.

“really? well, we respect your privacy 110%. celebrity dating can be complicated nowadays; have you seen megan fox and MGK? now that couple is the opposite of private.” you couldn’t help but laugh, breaking into another fit as the camera zoomed in on bucky’s puzzled face. you watched as he pursed his lips on the big screen behind the audience that allowed to you see how the interview was being broadcasted, which you were grateful for. you knew how notorious media could be about presentation—they could manipulate your actions and take your words out of context to frame the story in whichever way would bring in the most profit.

“so, sergeant barnes,” the host begun.

“bucky is fine.” bucky mumbled. you turned to him and mouthed “it’s okay,” and with a cute scrunch of his nose, he cleared his throat and repeated himself more confidently. “bucky is fine. ‘s what steve calls me; actually, most people i know call me that.”

“bucky, huh? now where do you get bucky from james?” bucky smiled, a true smile, as he recounted the origin of his name.

“well, james was a popular name back in the 40s.” there were a couple laughs from the audience as people remembered how old he really was—he had been adjusting to the modern look well, and with his trendy look courtesy of his stylist and timeless handsomeness, he looked as if he could be a celebrity of this time. “so steve got tired of all the mix-ups. don’t tell anyone this,” he mock whispered, holding his hand up to his mouth as he leaned over you to pretend to secretly speak the host. in the process, he had rested his hand on your thigh, gripping the softness of your skin for balance. “my middle name is buchanan. kind of embarrassing, right?”

he leaned back, removing his hand from your thigh without second thought. you were left a bit dazed, but as you blinked a few times to come to your senses, you retaliated by ruffling his hair and ruining his stylist’s hard work. “c’mon, winnie picked that one out for you. show some respect.”

he laughed, bringing his hand up to meet your own, patting it good-naturedly before removing it from the top of his head. “alright, alright. so steve took buchanan and turned it into bucky, and it’s stuck ever since. it’s a lot cooler than james barnes, and coming from the 40s, i think i need all the cool i can get.” the host chuckled, shaking his finger at bucky.

“you, my friend, are plenty cool. not sure how much you’re active on social media, bucky, but you’ve got quite the online presence.” the host pointed at you. “and you’re quite prominent on instagram, so i’m sure you’ve seen these.”

the host took out a top hat, with the base up, and you could see the folded slips of paper piled within. “would you do the honor of reading some of these out loud to us?” your face burned as you took the hat, sending the host a fake glare as you shook your head.

“you are so cruel.”

bucky was confused once more. “what is that?”

the host smiled mischievously. “that, my friend, is your online presence.”

you unfolded a slip of paper. “okay, this is a tweet from buckybarnesluver40” and it says,” you cleared your throat for dramatic effect. “all i want for christmas is for bucky barnes to crush me with his thighs,” you choked out as the audience screamed in approval. the camera zoomed in on you and bucky’s identical mortified expressions.

“hilarious! looks like the girlfriend’s not too pleased. another one, please, please!” the host said between laughs.

you reached your hand into the hat once again. “okay, another tweet. this time it’s from supersoldiersfan4life and it says “i would let bucky barnes use his knife on me in bed. i would kill to be-” your mouth dropped open. it was your name. “supersoldiersfan4life wants to be me?” you screeched.

“don’t we all? you two are the cutest. who agrees?” more screams from the crowd. more screams from within your mind. what was going on?

you swallowed hard, mustering up the courage to look over at bucky. he looked like he was receding into himself, his face a bright shade of red. you hoped you didn’t look as obviously flustered.

the host had the good grace to pluck the hat out of your hand, perhaps sensing the discomfort from both of you. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry, it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. we’re all dying to know the relationship details, but maybe that’s for another interview. for now, we’d love to know a little bit more about you, bucky. you’re a bit of an enigma.”

you were still reeling as the host asked you how you felt about bucky. “bucky, you’ve just moved into stark tower, haven’t you? can you let us know how he’s settling in? what’s the general vibe around there?”

you hesitate, not sure how to answer. obviously, you couldn’t just tell a live broadcast how much you hated the man, but you were a notoriously horrible liar. luckily, people got a kick out of your bluntness. but now wasn’t the time for that, not when you were here to try and improve bucky’s reputation. “uh, he’s a great guy, you know? i… he made a great first impression.” you didn’t need to look at the screen or bucky to know that his face was twisted into one of great surprise.

it was true, though. when you first met him, you had thought that he’d be an immediate friend. you admired how willing he was to adjust to the social norms of the 21st century, and how respectful he had been when you showed him around the tower and let him peek into your bedroom. you liked how he made eye contact with you and treated you like an equal rather than assuming you were inexperienced and incapable simply because of your age. and though you hated to admit it, you had fallen for his charms and silly jokes for the first few days you knew him—the first few days of friendliness before he decided he couldn’t stand you and before you two started an intense mutual hatred.

“you know, he’s reading all these books about cultural literacy and societal reform, which i really admire. lot of the titles came from my recommendation list, which i gave him within the first few days that we met. i have to say, it really strokes my ego every time i catch him reading the feminist literature i recommended.” the host looked surprised, but delighted. “yeah, it’s wonderful, isn’t it? he’s gone through so much, and yet he’s still so open-minded and willing to adjust to this century, which i imagine must be hard. he really is incredible.” the fondness is evident as you talk about him. you hadn’t even realized, but at some point, your body had turned away from the host and audience and begun looking at him, eyes soft as you spoke directly to the man you despised.

bucky’s eyebrows were furrowed, as if he couldn’t comprehend such kind words being meant for him, much less in front of a live audience, much less coming from you. “no, they’re too kind. they’re lovely but apparently a complete liar, because i am not what they’re making me out to be. trust me, i’m a menace to live with. i make protein shakes at 7:30 in the morning and tony’s blender is loud. you’d think for a billionaire, he’d be able to find some sort of silent one, but the man insists on the industrial-strength model. apparently, it’s the only thing that can properly mix his milkshakes.” the host laughs, as does the audience, and a screen rolls down from behind the two of you.

“we’ve actually got a video of that blender for you all, sent in by none other than the falcon, sam wilson, himself! let’s take a look.”

the video starts and the two of you share a knowing look. your eyebrows are raised and bucky’s eyes are comically wide.

“james buchanan barnes, if you don’t turn off that blender right now, i will shove your hand in there and you can find out just how much protein is in human flesh.” your frustrated voice sounded from offscreen, and as bucky stopped blending and turned around, you came into frame. you donned a pair of falcon pajama bottoms, with redwing patterned all over the navy blue fabric. they were a gift from sam last christmas, and had quickly become a favorite.

“yeah, and what are you gonna do about it, princess?” he crossed his arms and shifted his weight to one foot as you faced him, chest to chest. the camera shook as sam’s muffled laughter layered over your argument.

“motherfucker- i told you not to call me that!”

“you’ve got quite the mouth, haven’t you, love? someone ‘outa shut you up. and look, i’m right here!” he gestured to his body, smirking.

“don’t flatter yourself. i’d rather drink your nasty protein shake before kissing you.”

“now, who said anything about kissing?”

the camera trembled violently and sam’s laughter cut off abruptly as the video ended. you were hiding your face in your hands as bucky looked in the opposite direction of you, body facing the audience and head lowered.

“oh god, you are evil!” you teased the host, trying to salvage your dignity with feigned nonchalance. “we should’ve never agreed to come here.”

bucky twisted around, shaking his fist jokingly as he attempted to salvage just the same. “you’re killing me, man. i’d rather talk about HYDRA than relive these moments.”

the host leaned forward, elbows resting on the wood as the audience’s laughter slowly faded.

“yes, if you’re comfortable discussing your experiences as the winter soldier, we’d love to learn more. it seems like there’s a lot of misinformation and contradicting stories floating around, yes? do you have anything to say about all the hate?”

bucky sighed, scratching the back of his neck before getting comfortable and slinging his arm around the couch, arm brushing your back. “it’s still hard to talk about, especially when people already have their own perceptions of me and the winter soldier. but i want to make it clear, the winter soldier is a completely different person than bucky barnes. we might have shared the same body, but i had no control when the winter soldier was activated. that was all the fault of HYDRA programming and brainwashing. i’m also still learning to forgive myself for my past, but what i’ve been reminding myself is that i’m not a criminal, i’m a survivor of war. i’m still sargent barnes, who fought in WWII and lived through HYDRA kidnapping and experimentation. i guess, in some way, i’m a- a victim. and it’s hard to say that, because there’s a lot of vulnerability in admitting that you were completely powerless in a situation, but i really believe that’s the truth. and i’m hoping other people can see that as the truth as well.”

the crowd was silent, with nothing more than murmurs reaching your ears. the host was solemn. “thank you, bucky. and if it’s any consolation, everyone here in this room supports your recovery and believes in your innocence. i think the world is beginning to come to its senses as well.” you and bucky both smiled, and there was a lift in your heart that you couldn’t quite place.

“and through it all, he’s been a selfless advocate for children with prosthetics just like him.” you added, thinking back to something steve had mentioned a few weeks ago. “he volunteers at a physical therapy center and talks to the kids there; says he doesn’t need any money or credit for it, and that helping a kid out of the darkness that comes with losing a limb is enough payment for him.” you looked at him, biting your lip as it began to tremble. why were you so emotional? you squeezed your eyes shut, refusing to cry on live television.

“that’s incredible, bucky. you really don’t give yourself enough credit for all the amazing work you’ve been doing.” the host nodded gratefully at bucky, and from the audience was a shout.

“we love you, bucky barnes!” the rest of the audience burst into laughter, as did the host. you gave bucky a watery smile, and he returned it with a gentle look of his own, lips curling ever so slightly.

“on that heartfelt note, we’re unfortunately out of time, so please give it up for our two avengers!” you and bucky waved as you shuffled off stage, desperate to get away from the cameras to comprehend what had just happened.

“what the fuck was that?” you whisper-shouted, looking at bucky with something akin to terror.

“i have no idea,” he hissed, eyes darting around the hall. the two of you walked hastily, hoping to escape the studio before paparazzi and fans could cage you in. “did you tell people we were together?”

“me? why would i do that? i would never date you. that’s totally ridiculous,” you sputtered, face flushing. you would never hold his hand unless you absolutely had to, just like today, when you had to calm him down because you would be completely embarrassed if you had to do an interview with a nervous bucky barnes. it would’ve been completely distracting, having to sit next to him where he did that self-soothing thing with his hands, and then you would have had to grab his hands in front of everyone to stop him, which would’ve been even more embarrassing.

“are you blushing? ew.” he picked up his pace and you jogged to catch up with him. the two of you were nearly at the exit, and you realized that if you let him get away, you’d never be able to finish the conversation. he’d just ignore you until you inevitably got into another fight, as it always went.

“why are you so horrible?” you asserted, a little hurt at the jab which seemingly came out of nowhere. “i just did you a huge favor! do you think i wanted to do this interview with you and get completely humiliated in front of an audience? why do you have to be so crabby all the time?”

“humiliated? is it so humiliating to be seen with me?” he spat, spinning around and stopping in place. he grabbed ahold of your forearms to stop you from crashing into him. his hands, warm and calloused, pressed into your skin and grounded you. “everyone loves you, you’re such a perfect princess, aren’t you? you don’t want to be associated with the winter soldier, is that it? you’re so obsessed with what people think of you that you can’t even bear the thought that, god forbid, you’re dating me? and everyone’s telling me i deserve love and i’m trying, holy shit, i’m trying so hard to believe that. but it always comes back to you—you treat me like shit and now i see it. you still think of me as a murderer, don’t you? the idea of loving me is so outrageous that you couldn’t even look at me during that video. and you’re cruel, you know that? you’re cruel to look me in the eyes as you lie through your teeth, saying all these- these things about me when we both know they couldn’t be further from the truth. you just have to rub it in, don’t you? isn’t it enough that the world hates me? you just have to take it a step further, telling everyone all the things i do in private and then shoving it in my face that all of that kindness is just an act for the cameras!”

you wanted to yell at him for being self-deprecating, but his accusation of your character had pushed you over the edge. “goddamn it, barnes! you think the world revolves around you, don’t you? everything’s about you and the fucking winter soldier, and yeah, i get it, you went through shit! but don’t you dare attack my character when i have done nothing but try and be nice to you! do you remember when you came to the tower for the first time? i tried to be your friend until you decided one day that you were going to hate me for no reason—did you expect me to just shut up and take it? you don’t get to treat me like shit and then get mad at me for retaliating. you know, when steve asked me to do this, my immediate response was no. but even through all of this,” you waved your hand between the two of you, voice hoarse from the yelling. “i still care about you.”

“you care about me?” bucky’s voice was small, and his fingers pressed harder into your forearms. you winced, not being able to stand the super soldier’s strength any longer. his face fell as soon as he saw your expression of pain, dropping your arms immediately and backing up.

“i- look,” he started. you put your hand in the air.

“you know what? save it. yes, bucky, i care about your wellbeing because i respect you. and for a moment, i thought you might’ve respected me too-”

“i do respect you, it’s just-”

“shut up! you treat me like my existence offends you, and if you can still find a reason to hate me after me doing this interview and saying those things about you and trying to help you, then i give up. you think so lowly of me that you can find it in yourself to accuse me of all this and that’s only proof that you have no respect for me. and if that’s the way you want to play it, fine. i don’t care about people who can’t even treat me with decency.” you spat, furious.

you yanked the door open, storming out. your initial plan to avoid the crowd was out the window; fans swarmed you and cameras flashed as you shoved your way through the horde, not caring about your usual reputation for kindness towards your admirers.

bucky was hot on your tail, and you could hear his loud footsteps as he tried to catch up with you. he’d screwed up bad this time, hadn’t he? he’d screwed up your entire relationship and any possibility of neutrality since the beginning—you hadn’t done anything. it had been entirely his fault, and he’d been too childish to make amends. but he’d crossed the line today, and he knew it. he cursed himself, knowing he’d most likely lost you forever. all that bickering the two of you had? that’d be gone too. from now on, you probably wouldn’t even waste a breath on him. he was going to be nothing to you, but that was assuming he ever meant anything to you at all.

“wait, please,” he called. he could’ve easily caught up to you and pinned you against a wall to force you to talk to him, or pinned you against a wall and finally get a good look at your face and maybe even catch another sight of the smiles you had gifted him with back when you were on that loveseat and before he had fucked everything up. but he knew you’d hate that. he knew you’d hate him for taking away your autonomy, for ignoring your decision to leave, and for abusing his super-soldier status to get what he wanted from you.

“please, i’m sorry, just let me talk to you,” he pleaded, voice cracking with desperation. this was it. you were never going to talk to him again. he hated you, he really did, but he was not going to let one stupid comment ruin everything between you two. he was dumb and stubborn and full of himself, and you deserved nothing that he had done to you, but if you were going to ignore him for the rest of your lives—which he prayed would not be the ultimate outcome—he needed you to know that you hadn’t done anything wrong. he owed that to you, at least.

he lost you at the tower. you had gotten to the elevator before he had even stepped foot in the building, and he sprinted up the stairs, hoping to catch you before you left. he practically flung himself into the kitchen, knowing the first person you’d go to would be sam, who had been living on the couch recently, binge-watching toddlers and tiaras.

“woah, bucko, whatcha up to there?”

“i need to see-” he panted, looking around for you frantically.

“ah, i see. finally ready to confess your love for them, aren’t you?”

bucky paused. he stopped and he thought. he really thought this time, his face scrunched in concentration. he looked at sam incredulously.

“i- something like that, actually.” the two men both were both shocked into silence.

“uh, right! okay. they’re, um, in their room. not looking too great.” sam stared at bucky, eyes bugging. “good luck? i mean, i just- okay. Yeah.”

bucky pursed his lips, giving sam a curt nod before gathering the strength to make his way to your room. his heart was in his throat, and he thought there was a good chance that the moment he saw you, it would jump right out of his throat and land on the floor at your feet. now that would be humiliating. and it would also kill him too, but maybe that was a good thing because it meant he wouldn’t be alive to face you again.

his fist hesitated in the air as he stood by your doorway. he was sure you were aware of his presence; he wasn’t exactly a light treader. he knocked, holding his breath.

“fuck off, barnes.”

“i can’t. i have to talk to you.”

“you don’t have the right to demand anything from me. go away.”

“i can’t, i ha- you don’t have to talk to me, but please, can you just listen?”

bucky didn’t hear anything from your side of the room, which he took to be affirmative. “i- i’m sorry. i’ve been an asshole.”

you snorted mirthlessly, and he could imagine the look of repulse on your face. “to put it lightly,” you sneered.

“yeah, i know, and it’s not your fault, you know. you can hate me all you want from now on, and i deserve it. i know i deserve it, and i’m not going to try and change your mind. i just need to tell you that it wasn’t your fault. me hating you, i mean. i mean, i guess i never really hated you, it was just that, i guess-” he sighed, thoughts racing too fast to be able to articulate. “i can’t speak. you drive me insane, and i-”

“gee, thanks, barnes. way to apologize.”

“no! i don’t mean it like that, i just- i’m so sorry, please just, can you let me in? i can’t do this from outside. i know you said i didn’t respect you, but that’s not true. i respect you, and that’s why i want to say this to your face. please.”

bucky heard shuffling from behind the door. it swung open. there you were, looking small and defeated, as he towered over you like some absolute jerk. he shrunk himself, wishing for once that he could be smaller. he observed your face like he had wished he could earlier. your eyes were red-rimmed—had you been crying? you were sniffling softly, rubbing your nose. there was a tissue box on the bed and a few used bundles scattered around the floor. a thin blanket, too, was crumpled and lying on the ground. his heart broke. he stood by the doorframe, not sure what to do. you motioned to the bed, taking a seat on it yourself. the mattress sank as he placed himself a good distance away from you, but still, he turned and forced himself to look into your eyes.

“i didn’t know what to do when i first met you,” he rushed, the words flooding out of his mouth quicker than he could process them. “you were so kind to me. too kind. i didn’t think i deserved it, and i was terrified. you were… perfect. steve, my best friend, he adored you. i saw you two together all the time, and you made him laugh like i used to do. and after all steve did for me, all i could do was recluse myself in my room and give him one-word answers. steve didn’t know what to do, and as much as he tried, i could tell that he was growing tired. he’s got a lot going on, and i don’t blame him for not wanting to babysit all the time. but you were there, and you didn’t even treat me like a pity case. you weren’t some babysitter, you were my friend. my only friend, probably.” he looked at his lap, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.

“um, i really appreciated that. i don’t think i’d had such a connection to anyone since the 40s. since steve and i met. and-” he covered his face with his hands. “this is so embarrassing, i’m- i’m sorry. i think i liked being around you… too much. and i was, well, me. and you were there, like some angel, making my life better, no, making everyone’s lives better, and i was this weight taking up all your time. and i knew that i’d be lucky if you ever even considered me a friend. i’d be lucky if you could even tolerate all my problems for more than a few weeks, so i never pushed it.”

you opened your mouth to speak, but bucky waved his hands furiously, finally meeting your eyes.

“please, just let me finish. and you can say whatever you want after.” your mouth shut, as did your eyes, as you tried to follow his words. “and you know sam and i have our own thing going on,” bucky laughed bitterly. “he didn’t trust me at first. still tries to get on my nerves now. we respect each other, of course, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a little shit. sorry.” he shot you what you thought was an apologetic look, maybe because he knew you and sam were close.

“he was cold to me at first, and i couldn’t handle it. it was like being back there, having everyone talk to me in clipped tones as if i wasn’t there. there were some days where he wouldn’t address me at all. i don’t blame him, i guess. tony was suspicious too. you guys gave me so much more than i deserved. but with you, he was like a completely different person. you guys are so close, you know? you guys are like how steve and i used to be, before i came back all fucked up. i don’t think steve and i will ever have what we used to have, or will ever have what you and sam have. and i think- i think i was… jealous. it wasn’t just because i wanted my friendship with steve back, but because i wanted a friendship with you. no, that’s not it at all. i’m sorry, this isn’t easy for me—feelings, i mean—i’m trying, i’m trying for you. i wanted something else, something more with you. because i really liked you, and it took seeing you and sam together to realize that. i had thought you two were together-together; you were so close. and i hated myself for feeling that way towards sam’s girl, because as much as i couldn’t stand him, i couldn’t do that to you. even if i told you, it wouldn’t have changed how you felt. at that point, it was too late. i thought you were already his.

“i couldn’t burden you with my feelings, you know? i couldn’t drag you into my mess. so i tried to ignore it, and it didn’t work, because you’re fucking magnetic. you were all i could think about, and i was such a mess for you, and even then, you didn’t care. i was so incapacitated around you,” he sighed, remembering all the times he had embarrassed himself trying to compose himself around you. “and you never noticed. you never looked my way, did you? it was always about sam. i was like some second thought—not that it was your fault. i barged into your life and took up all your time and you still treated me with such kindness and i started to resent you for it. you couldn’t love me, not when you had sam, but you still had me wrapped around your finger and i’d never felt this way before so i panicked. i panicked and retreated to something familiar, which was hate. i decided i hated you.

“so… well, you know the rest. i was so stupid; you made me so nervous and i blamed it on frustration, and you made me feel and i blamed it on anger. it was torture, having to hate you. but if i wasn’t hating you then i’d have to cope with how much i liked you, and that was worse. i’d take whatever i could have, and if that meant having you yell at me and poke my chest and take my breath away, i’d have to be satisfied. but today, you said all those things about me. you ruined all that progress i had made, trying to hate you. it ruined me, all over again. and did you mean them? did you mean them, because if you didn’t i wouldn’t blame you. but i just have to know.”

“i meant every word,” you breathed, so quietly that you were afraid bucky wouldn’t hear. he did, and instead of relief, a look of devastation washed over his face.

“i can’t- you can’t just say those things. this whole time, i thought you loved sam. and i thought i never even had a chance because it didn’t matter how much i loved you when your heart belonged to somebody else. and sam told me you aren’t together, and it doesn’t even matter anymore, because i still don’t have a chance with you, or even a chance of forgiveness; i don’t deserve it—not after everything i’ve done to you.”

you’re sniveling, wiping your eyes with the edge of your sleeve. bucky’s got tears running down his cheeks, and it’s the first time you’ve seen him since he had first come to the tower and had let you comfort him after he woke up from his nightmares. you hadn’t seen any other emotion from him but hatred since then.

“bucky…” you can’t control your arm as it reaches for his face. your hand cups his chin, stubble rubbing against your palm as he closes his eyes and savors the feeling of your skin on his, knowing it’s more than he deserves. your thumb wipes away the tears as they trickle from his closed eyes; they flutter as your fingers move across his skin, sensitive from the emotion. there’s a tear that’s fallen into the corner of his mouth, and you run your finger over his lip to brush it away. he sighs, and the warmth of his breath sends a shiver down your spine. you’re buzzing with adrenaline.

“bucky, you are such an idiot!” he flinches, looking guilty, and you lower your voice. “no, i don’t mean it like that,” you soothe. “why didn’t you just- do you really mean what you said? that you thought you were a burden? and back there, at the studio, did you really think that i would be so horrified at the idea of loving you? because you’re wrong, bucky, if you think that’s how i feel—god, you’re so stupid and you’re so wrong.” you sniffle, running your hands through your hair. “if you had just told me…”

“i know, i know, and i’m so sorry.” he’s trembling now, sounding on the verge of tears, and you think he might combust with the violence of which his hands are shaking. you take his hands in yours, stopping him from doing the wringing he always does.

“bucky,” you whisper again. it’s the only thing you can think to say before throwing yourself into him, your arms wrapping around his broad back with your hands unable to touch. you use the opportunity to run them up and down his back, your head finding a home in the crook of his shoulder as you try not to ruin his shirt with your tears. one of his arms wraps around yours tentatively, as if he’s afraid to touch you. you bury yourself deeper into him, one hand clutching the fabric of his shirt as if you’re scared he’s going to run away.

“bucky, please don’t leave me,” you whimper, your lips brushing against his neck. that does it for him, and he finally wraps both arms around you and lifts you up until you’re seated on his lap. his feet touch the floor as he’s seated at the edge of your bed, and your legs wrap around him as you face the opposite direction, clinging onto him koala-like.

“i’m never leaving you. i’m never leaving you,” he mutters, and you’re not sure if he’s saying it to you or to himself. “you’re here. i’m here.”

“all i wanted was for you to stay,” you confessed. “and then you left me, and then you hated me, and how was i supposed to cope? i thought i had done something horrible but i couldn’t figure out what, and still, you were so kind to wanda and so cheerful with clint and even opening up to natasha and it was like those first weeks of us being together never happened.” you pulled yourself away from his shoulder to look him in the eye.

“i- i didn’t know.”

“obviously.”

the two of you were silent for a bit, trying to read each others’ eyes, both of which were puffy and red. bucky’s face was in its usual furrow, the line between his eyebrows deep. you smoothed it out with your finger. “your worry wrinkle,” you laughed wetly. he cracked a smile.

“the one thing i didn’t miss was you calling it that.”

“you missed me? ha. softie.”

the two of you breathed in silence, faces inches from each other. his eyelids fluttered, and it was as if you could feel the ghost of his eyelashes tickling your warm cheeks. you could smell the man you had been missing—smoke, cedar, and spice. you refrained from burying your head in his chest and just drowning in the scent of his cologne.

your eyes fell, looking at your thighs wrapped around his hips and watching his chest rise and fall like a metronome, his breaths finally slowing alongside his heart. “i never hated you, you know. i’m pretty sure i made that clear today. at least, i hope i did.” you sighed, still not meeting his eyes. “i hated the fact that you hated me. i guess i wasn’t used to that. i mean, you’re right. i really do want everyone to like me,” you pursed your lips. “and i know that’s unrealistic. but i liked you a lot, bucky, and i thought at first that we could be good friends. so when things started breaking down, i guess i jumped to the conclusion that you just irrationally had it out for me, and i never stopped to ask you why. and i’m sorry too.” you swallowed thickly, realizing how much anger could’ve been avoided these past few months if the two of you had just pushed aside your egos and communicated.

“look at me, please.” bucky cupped your chin with his hand, lifting your face without much force to let you be in control until you finally met his eye. “hey, it’s- we’re gonna be okay.”

“you said you loved me,” you blurted. “earlier.”

“uh, yeah. i did say that.” you were so used to bucky deflecting from his feelings that his admittance made you laugh. oh yes, you laughed. the bashfulness on the 6-foot-something, genetically enhanced, burly, brooding super soldier’s face was enough to break the stoicism of your conversation.

“you love me!” you giggled. “i’m so sorry, i’m not laughing at you. no, i swear, i’m so- this isn’t me mocking you, i-” you gasped for air as the sentiment finally set in. “buck, you love me?”

“yeah, doll, i do. is… is that okay?”

“yeah, bucky, it is.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

masterlist

#bucky barnes #bucky imagine #bucky barns x reader #bucky barns x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x gn!reader #bucky barnes self insert #marvel self insert #marvel imagine #james buchanan barnes #bucky fic #bucky angst #bucky and reader #enemies to lovers #enemies to lovers fic #bucky barnes enemies to lovers

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