#only to realize the only person hes actually rejecting is percy

[an-exasperated-hades-kid]

So I've been seeing a lot of will solace hate, and I'm here to defend my son.

First of all, he's not a toxic person at all he's a human who can mess up at times and be unintentionally rude, like in that one scene boo where he says

‘Oh, please.’ Will sounded unusually angry. ‘Nobody at Camp Half-Blood ever pushed you away. You have friends – or at least people who would like to be your friend. You pushed yourself away. If you’d get your head out of that brooding cloud of yours for once –

^ that is rude but he didn't have bad intentions because according to him nico wasn't scary and the people that he hung out with - Lou Ellen and Cecil- didn't think that nico was scary either as they were both friendly towards him when they met him at the Roman camping area outside chb so while his delivery wasn't good he meant no harm and he also helped nico realize that not everyone hates him and then there are a few jokes that he made that people consider toxic or offensive but nico was never offended or sad about these jokes he only rolled his eyes and acted exasperated so he knew will meant no harm .

Will is canonically described as a laid-back and calm person, but he is also stubborn when it comes to certain things like medical related things which is understandable since he can feel everything physically wrong with a person by just touching them and is persistent that they don't die and Take care of themselves which is understandable since he saw majority of his siblings die and doesn't want more ppl to die .

Will is actually quite a complex character he's calm and laid back but he's stubborn and strict when he needs to be he's supportive and loving to nico but since he's a kid he struggles with being understanding sometimes hence why he asks persephone for advice on how to be there for nico properly showing that he's mature enough to ask for help . He's also someone represses his emotions because he thinks that as head counselor, he has to be a perfect example, and he told this apollo in the 1st toa book. He's also pretty insecure about his abilities, as shown in boo

Evidence:

You did,’ confirmed Nico. ‘But it was the way you did it. You made it clear that you wanted me around. You said you wanted me to come to the infirmary and help, because … because you could use a “friendly face”.’

‘It was true. And you did help.’

‘You brought me closer instead of rejecting me,’ Nico said, his voice cracking. ‘I’d never been called a friendly face. Ever. You made me rethink everything – my place in camp, my crush on Percy, my future. It took you scolding me like you were the camp director to make me realize that I was … wanted.

___

But with Nico … It’s hard, Persephone. I want the best for him, and he seems to disappear into his darkness, like he’s hiding in a place where he doesn’t want my light.’

‘Then why not offer him your darkness

_____

Nico sighed in exasperation. He hated working with other people. They were always cramping his style, making him uncomfortable. And Will Solace … Nico revised his impression of the son of Apollo. He’d always thought of Will as easygoing and laid back. Apparently, he could also be stubborn and aggravating

_______________________________________

In conclusion will isn't toxic and he isn't perfect and if I'm wrong about something please point it out cause I haven't read the books in a while and if I missed something please point it out and I'm sorry for the typos I wrote this without wearing my glasses as 3 am after studying for a test

#will solace #defending will solace #hes not a bad person but hes also not perfect hes a mixture of both #we need to stop the hate for will like hes done like one or two bad thing in the series and even those times didnt mean to be rude #solangelo #percy jackson and the Olympians #heroes of olympus #the sun and the star #nico di angelo #leave my boy will alone like if he comes off as a dick its a writing mistake on ricks part except that boo i will not exuse him there #anti will solace #im countering yalls argument #its stupid and immature to hate someone because they did like 1 thing #like bro is 16 and he was 14/15 during that scene in boo ofc he's going to make mistake #he's a fucking child and he's learning

[percico-sea-of-darkness]

Imo Nico saying "You're not my type," and skipping away to see Will was Nico trying to preserve some of his pride/dignity.

I mean, his actions throughout PJO & HoO are literally love confessions. He chooses Percy, turning his back on Hades, and only goes back to Hades on Percy's request. Nico sends his friend to help Percy in hell (literally more than anyone else did to help Percy). He sticks with the Argo II crew despite literally all of them besides Hazel being extremely rude/unsettled by him for Percy.

So it's like. Nico has laid his heart bare for Percy? But Percy is in a relationship with someone else and Nico doesn't really know what Percy thinks about him - other than being convinced that Percy doesn't love him. So he's pulling himself together and trying to show that no, he's not hung up on Percy. He's not pining. He's not crying over the one sided love, and feelings of rejection. And by playing his feelings as less serious than they actually are, he's enabling himself to continue to have a friendship with Percy - since by playing off his affections as a crush rather than painfully in love - it's less awkward that Percy don't return his feelings. So they can move on and resume their friendship. That's imo anyway. It was self preservation. @hermesmyplatonicbeloved

Oh, totally!

Sorry for responding until now, but I haven't been able to be very active on my networks lately :)

But bringing up this topic, if I had been in Nico's position, I think I would have done something very similar, if not the same. Imagine this situation: Having to be Perc#beth's spectator. That not only did they practically all their missions together, but important gods, such as Aphrodite and practically the ENTIRE fucking camp, did everything possible for Perc#beth to finally come together. And seeing firsthand how Percy practically gave his all to the people he cared about (Nico never really realized how important he was to Percy, since haha ​​I think it's obvious to anyone in love and hurt), and Annabeth being territorial with Percy just gave Nico the idea that the two of them just can't be, it doesn't work, it's impossible. His low self-esteem in conjunction with the pain of losing his loved ones, his loneliness and all the pain he had to go through to protect Percy was enough for him to not only start wanting to lie to himself and others in order to get some relief to his pain. And besides, he was so used to people pushing him away, that the first guy who practically forces him to be by his side is obviously the person Nico is going to cling to, to say "I'm getting over it" when in reality he's not.

So. Nico gave too much, and wanting to feel better about everything he had done, he "he confess no confess." I'm a witness that not telling your feelings to a person can cause you a lot of problems, since there was never really closure. Your mind is always thinking about 'what if', even if you don't want it to.

So the best way for Nico, and I think for any sane person in his situation, to not generate even more pain than one already has and not put oneself in a compromising situation is to confess not confess: Totally minimize your feelings, saying that they are from the past and something temporary (giving the other person to understand that you became interested but you don't have any problem now, that the unilateral nature of the situation doesn't bother you at all.)(HAHAHA its funny because it actually does). And even more so being in Nico's situation, that practically seconds before confessing, Percy boasted about his future with Annabeth. That was the final blow. It's a total NO to Nico, and like a normal person, he saved what little dignity he had left (you know, the whole situation with Cupid and what follows) and left with the only person who was behind him (because obviously Nico would be tired of just chasing, it's normal to want to be chased, but that's not a confirmation of romantic feelings, it's just a need, and more of a lonely and 'needed of love' person). So, I totally agree.

#nico di angelo #percico #nicercy #percy jackson #jacksangelo

[maria-jackson]

bi!Percy in TSATS

because i cannot and will not stop spreading this agenda yes i may be projecting, but it's because i too am a messy bisexual <3

as confirmed in the instagram takeover mark did for @/macmillan_lib yesterday, the 5 chapter preview that was leaked for TSATS was actually's mark's 'audition' to take on the role as co-author for this book.

basically, rick had them write a short sample using the outline he provided, and that's what we've read. keep that in mind.

in the third chapter of this preview, mark wrote the following:

"After a while, though, he became used to the idea that he wanted things he couldn't have: Percy, Bianca, his mother, stability … it was all the same. Getting over Percy was easier than Nico expected. What was one straight boy when you spent your whole life longing for others!"

taking this at face value, you have to realize that these are simply nico's thoughts. he's literally saying that in order for him to cope with percy's rejection, he needed to believe that percy was straight. because of course percy couldn't reciprocate feelings for nico if he wasn't attracted to men.

now remember, rick has stated on numerous occasions that unless he tells us otherwise, every character in his universe is pretty much unlabeled. your headcanon for their sexualities is as valid as the next person's. so even though it seems that this quote is giving percy the label "straight," it technically isn't. nico is simply making an assumption. yes, he could be correct, because assumptions aren't always wrong (i mean percy has a girlfriend, so it's not completely absurd to assume he's straight), but percy has never confirmed or denied that. until we hear it from him personally, he's technically still unlabeled.

on another note, think about how insane it is that this quote even exists in the preview. if rick kept it in the final version of the book, this will mean that percy is the first and only character on the percy side of the riordanverse to be called straight (whether or not it's true). now that within and of itself isn't too crazy, but it's the fact that mark wrote it is. (i highly doubt rick had it written in his outline to "confirm percy to be straight", so this was literally all mark's idea).

now i don't know about mark, but if i was the co-author of this book and i was given free reign to write whatever i wanted to, i would totally capitalize on that. how cool would it be to have the main character of rick's whole franchise be confirmed to be queer!? so why on earth would they crush that possibility within the first few chapters?

which is why i've convinced myself that that isn't what's happening. since percy was brought up in nico's nightmare sequence, it's fair to say that his past with percy hasn't exactly been resolved. he needs closure. and from what i've seen so far, mark seems to be much better at dealing with trauma than rick.

so i have faith that this means we'll be seeing percy in the end of the book, and he and nico will have a heart-to-heart. and in that heart-to-heart, i have a feeling nico is going to say something stupid like, "look, i know why you rejected me. you're straight." and percy's going to be completely flabbergasted, because he's not. queue him coming out as bi.

the important thing to remember is, percy coming out as bi really has no impact on future events. he isn't piper, in which i mean that if piper comes out as a lesbian, automatically anyone who believes jason is cis cannot, morally, ship jiper; if she's bi/pan/unlabeled/etc., there's no issue with shipping them. percy being bi, on the other hand, means he's still interested in women, so percabeth is completely valid.

which is why i can't, in my heart of hearts, believe mark would, for a lack of a better phrase, 'go backward' representation-wise. percy is already unlabeled. why make him straight when bi percy causes no harm?

#bi percy #bi4bi percabeth #bi percy jackson #pj predictions #maria jackson

[hchollym]

nice use of text! & I agree with your additions; I think Percy and Arthur were close without actually knowing each other's true selves, if that makes sense? I think that is perhaps really interesting because that reflects reality very well: it makes the fight much more interesting if they actually had stakes in it.

Post being referenced here. 

I agree.

In Percy's case, I think he saw his father through the rose-tinted glasses that many children see their parents (until they're given a reason not to). Ron, Fred, and George all made comments about the Weasley’s financial situation throughout the first few books, but it wasn't until GoF that we ever saw Percy say anything negative about Arthur, and even then, it was more of a gentle truthfulness than anything spiteful:

“Your father hasn’t had to go into the office on weekends since the days of You-Know-Who,” she said. “They’re working him far too hard. His dinner’s going to be ruined if he doesn’t come home soon.” 

“Well, Father feels he’s got to make up for his mistake at the match, doesn’t he?” said Percy. “If truth be told, he was a tad unwise to make a public statement without clearing it with his Head of Department first —” 

I don't think it's a coincidence that once Percy started criticizing Arthur (though I use that term loosely), then Arthur was suddenly quick to criticize Percy (in the beginning OOTP). There was some definite immaturity and hurt on Arthur's side. 

I personally think that Arthur always knew his children resented being poor (on some level), but he thought Percy was the exception, because Percy had always been mature and family-oriented (whether his siblings believed it or not, Percy was a mother hen to them, and it's very telling that Percy was the only child to stay at home for a while once he started working). 

In Arthur's mind, I think Percy was the one child who understood and didn't judge him, and when Percy started to see him more realistically, it hurt and felt like a rejection, so Arthur eventually lashed out. It's not appropriate whatsoever, but Arthur’s human, and that is one of his major flaws. 

On the opposite side, Arthur didn’t know Percy as well as he thought, because Percy was always so busy trying to be perfect (the perfect son; the perfect student) and trying to be exactly who his parents wanted him to be, which included having a job at the Ministry of Magic. No one in Percy’s family saw underneath that. 

In some ways, I'm not even sure that Percy fully knew himself at that point, because he was so focused on trying to meet his parents’ expectations that he never really thought about who he was outside of that. He needed to separate from them in order to really find himself (but that’s another matter entirely, so I digress). 

The point is, Arthur didn't really know Percy at all because he only ever saw the mask that Percy wore. He (incorrectly) assumed that "what you see is what you get” applied to Percy without realizing that there was a lot more bubbling under the surface. 

To be honest, I almost get the feeling that they both had unrealistically high expectations of each other (again, this is not Percy's fault, but he was definitely the most willfully blind of all his siblings to Arthur's shortcomings before GoF), which is really sad. 

I think Arthur & Percy demonstrate that the higher you put someone up on a pedestal, the further they have to fall when they don’t live up to the illusion in your head. 

Thanks for the comment! 😊

#ask me #mirrorofliterature #percy weasley #arthur weasley #weasley family dynamic #hp #my thoughts #my headcanons

[doevademe]

How would you have written the story in way that would have been healthy and not traumatising for Nico to come out and accept his feelings and actually moving on from Percy?

Okay, I will leave my shipping googles behind and give you an actual literary analysis Re: Nico di Angelo and his coming out, as well as how I would have done it.

First of all, the problem with the scene is not so much Nico being forced to come out, but how it's portrayed. Cupid is shown as if he's owed Nico's confession because he's lying to himself, and the narrative portrays Nico wanting to not come out as a flaw, like he needed to be dragged out of the closet kicking and screaming or else he would never have done it.

Coming out is not something you owe anyone but yourself. It's something to do when you feel safe and ready to do so, and Nico, who is shown to not have many close friends, doesn't feel it's safe for him to come out, much less with a person who, unbeknownst to him, called him unloyal and voted to leave him to die. Yes, Jason was understanding and became Nico's friend, but it was a traumatic scene that is portrayed as necessary for Nico to grow. And that sucks.

If I had to keep the scene, I would have called out Cupid, not let him have the last word. Cupid wouldn't have "won" anything but the scorn of Nico and the person with him, and he would have retreated in shame. And yes, I said "person", Because the person with Nico would not have been Jason, but Hazel, someone who loves Nico, who can assure him that she doesn't think any less of him, that she still loves him. While I appreciate Jason and Nico's friendship, the fact that it only happens after Nico is forced to admit being gay is gross and comes across less as being about Nico, and more about how accepting and open-minded Jason actually is. Coming out is never about the other person, and Riordan turned it into a display of how much of a nice guy Jason is.

Now, how would I have done it if I could start this subplot from scratch? I would have given Nico POV chapters in House of Hades. His orientation would be hinted in the first chapter, before being revealed at the end of the second. That way, the audience knows Nico is gay without having to out him before he's ready for the sake of drama.

The scepter retrieval still happens, but featuring Favonius as an antagonist, not Cupid, and instead of having to admit his crush, he and Jason would become friends by working together against him. Keep Favonius's warnings against letting his anger and jealousy control Nico's love, but Jason doesn't need to know until Nico is ready, so he still assumes it's Annabeth they're talking about.

Finally, the first person Nico comes out to is Percy, before leaving with the Athena Parthenos. He takes Favonius's words to heart, and decides he trusts Percy enough to let him know. He rejects Nico, of course, because we're in canonland, but tells him he still wants to be his friend, and that's something that will never change.

Blood of Olympus would have him coming out to Hades, Reyna, Jason and Hazel at different points in the story, slowly growing more confident in himself, and understanding that the people who care about him, who actually love him, will accept him for who he is. This of course, will be closely related to getting over his hang-ups over being shunned as a Son of Hades.

Nico would end the story not "realizing" he feels nothing for Percy anymore, but starting the road to move on. He would see Percy and Annabeth happy about college, congratulate them, have a nice friendship moment with Percy, and not feel the usual pain in his chest, and he would understand, that it would get easier, and that he can move on, and eventually fall in love with someone who will reciprocate.

A hopeful ending that respects Nico's character, his sexuality, and the feelings he has held for nearly 8 books now (even if we only found out about them a book ago), while keeping things open for him and a future love interest.

#ask #anonymous #long post #Nico di Angelo #rick riordan critical #Nico is very important to me #and I hate what was done with him in BoO and beyond #so yeah #I have thoughts about this #and someone asked so I will share them

[aldakat31415]

So I've decided to start writing for the PJO and HOO characters.

I will be writing for the show as well, just none of the younger characters.

Requests are open.

Characters I will write for:

Book Percy Jackson (HOO only) or platonic

Book Grover Underwood (HOO only) or platonic

Book Annabeth Chase(HOO only) or platonic

Book and Show Luke Castilian (Au where he doesn't die for HOO?)

Book Clarise (HOO only) (is she alive in HOO?) or platonic

Book Nico Di Angelo (After events of HOO) or Platonic

Book Will Solace (After events of HOO) or platonic

Book and (eventual show?) Leo valdez

Book and (eventual show?) Jason Grace

Book and (eventual show?) Piper Mclean

Book and (eventual show?) Frank Zhang

Book and (eventual show?) Hazel Levesque

Lester popodopolous (aka Apollo)

Reyna

Octavian

Calypso

Bianca Di Angelo (After events of PJO) dead or alive au

Characters I will not write for:

Children. Unless platonic. So none of the cast of the show unless it's platonic. (Excluding luke)

Any child x adult unless platonic

Characters I don't know. If I dont know how to write them I'm not going to.

Things I will not write:

Smut

Limes

Lemons

Anything pornographic. My blog may not exactly be family friendly, but I don't write that stuff on here myself.

Incest

Non-con

ABO, even when its not nsfw still too close..

Children x adults. Either reader or character.

Anything racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, xenophobic, abelist, ect..

Anything I as the owner of the blog deem innerpropriate content for my blog. Thank you.

Things I will write:

Fluff

Angst

Friends to lovers

Enemies to lovers

Enemies to friends to lovers

Tsundere x reader

Poly x reader (sfw)

Tsundere reader x character

Anything specific is fine, just don't go too overboard.

Reader with power or specific godly parent.

Au's, but again, don't go too overboard. These are typically one-shots unless I get bored.

If you want a multiple part fic thats fine, just do realize it's going to take more time than usual. Please state how many parts your looking for, and try to make your request synopsis enough length to do multiple parts. I will just make a one part if theres not enough content.

Cussing is allowed

Mention of explicit topics without being explicit is allowed if I feel like it.

If you wanna bully your favorite character, like all us writers do, with terrible situations go right ahead, I won't judge. But nothing too crazy.

If you do request something that may be triggering I will put content warnings or not do it at all depending on the context. Thank you.

Your author is pleased to write for you and I hope to get alot of fics out for your enjoyment. All requests are free, but the fic is still mine, please don't plagiarize or steal even though I'm not sure there's much I can do about it. Be nice. This is a safe place for those of any marginalized community or from a non marginalized community, as long as you're not a dick.

If you are from a certain community and you find any of my works to be racist, sexist, xenophobic, ect.. please message me to see how we can work things out to make the fic better for everyone. Trolls will be deleted.

I don't have conversations in asks, if you wanna chat that needs to be in a public area of tumblr. Asks need to remain purely professional. This is for the safety of myself and you, thank you. Always remember internet safety.

Thank you for your time and requests can either be asks or comments down below. Remember that I'm far more likely to actually see an ask though, and it's up to your own personal call of what you feel is the better way.

All fics on this blog are gender neutral, I will not write a gendered one so that all readers can enjoy.

If I am overloaded on requests I will either reject your request or put in on hold. Requests are first come first serve. Thank you.

I may make another ask page for the other riordan series. It's just been a long time since I've read them and I'd like to refamiliarize myself with the books to write for the characters.

#x reader #fanfic #percy pjo #pjo series #pjo apollo #nico pjo #pjo fandom #pjo tumblr #pjoverse #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson show #pjo show #pjo tv show #pjo tv adaptation #pjo tv series #pjo x reader #pjo x you #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x you #percy jackson x y/n #annabeth chase #annabeth x reader #annabeth chase x reader #leo valdez x reader #nico di angelo x reader #hazel levesque x reader #frank zhang x reader #will solace x reader #polyamory

[moa-broke-me]

If Percy Jackson had Bojack Horseman's writers:

Leo: "Y'know I look up to you, Percy, right? Like... Really. As a hero, as a comedian... As a person."

Percy: "Uh huh."

Leo: "... Kind of a lot. And I really wanna hang out more. But... You always hold me at arm's length, and I just... Don't understand why. You don't do that with any of your other friends."

Percy: "Because you're not my friend, Leo. You might be on my team, and I might defend you when shit hits the fan, but you're not my friend. I don't like hanging out with you."

Leo: "You don't? What don't you like about me?"

Percy: "You want me to make a list? You're annoying, for one. And that's just the start. You constantly insult everyone around you, including people you call your friends, all in a doomed attempt at being funny, guess what douchebag? You're not! And you're the biggest liar I've ever met, you act like such an egomaniac one moment, and then a pitiful self-deprecating loser the next. You're completely two-faced, and at this point, I'm not sure which face is uglier. You're clingy and desperate and can't shut up for five seconds, yet you value machines on the same level as actual, real life people, and you don't even seem to realize how insulting that is!"

Leo: "Festus is a person!"

Percy: "No he's not! And he's not a pet either, he's a toy! A very big, complex, dangerous toy! He's not alive like we are, he's a big bundle of wires and gears and lines of code, and the sooner you get that through your thick skull, the better. And another thing, you're a big old manwhore!"

Leo: "I am not a manwhore! I'm a hopeless romantic!"

Percy: "Sure, sure, keep telling yourself that while you shamelessly flirt with woman after woman after woman, all of which are so obviously out of your league that even you, Mr. 'I'm not good with people and feelings because I'm too smart to be a not-asshole', must know you don't have a chance with them. And then, when they inevitably reject you, you just move onto the next one like the last one doesn't exist anymore! And guess what? The only reason you even have a girlfriend now is because she was stuck with you! She had no choice but to fall in love with you, so she did, and you think that's some kind of victory, but it's not! She's already sick of you, And I can't blame her. Why? Well, see above."

Leo: "... What the hell is wrong with you, man? No, y'know what? Let me tell you, because you seem to think there couldn't possibly be anything wrong with you at all. Your problem is you've never had to try. The first time you fell in love, it just so happened to be with someone who loved you back. You've never been rejected, you never had to move on and try again. You got lucky, and you think that makes you better than me, but it doesn't. I just... I just wanna be loved. And somehow, that makes me a bad person."

[happyk44]

Percy reaching for Nico's hand and being snubbed, accepting that Nico is touchy and choosy only to watch, as later, Jason reaches for Nico's hand and Nico lets him.

#the angst potential of nico rejecting Percy and percy assuming that's just how he is #only to realize the only person hes actually rejecting is percy #i would die for you percy thinks as he watches jason sling his arm over Nico's shoulders #ive known you longer i cared more i tried so hard what did i do wrong and its nothing you did wrong Percy #he just fell in love with you and cant stomach the thought of loving someone who let his sister die #happy talks pjo

[gemsofthegalaxy]

To be frank I think what I've been told is true about the characters and relationships from campaign 1 VS what is actually presented in the cartoon is very interesting.

And i don't want to come across as rude but I do want to say like... people should be free to interpret and interact with the Legend of Vox Machina alone, as it stands, without accounting for stream canon, imo. because it is it's own thing to a degree and not everyone will go back and watch them.

Anyway. It's interesting because I've been Told Percy and Keyleth are best friends but, I didn't really get that level of closeness from them in the show. If anything Percy seems closest to Vex, and I have been Told they become a ship and I can see how this season sets them up, but they also could very much be read as platonic friends. It comes across that Vex just sort of "gets" Percy, combined with her defacto leader status, that's why she acts somewhat differently and more gentle around him than some of the others.

I've also been Told that Scanlan is sort of the odd one out and least connected of the group, but I don't know? He seems to be as valued a member as any? Maybe he doesn't realize it because, for instance, Vex only worries when he's not there. But his relationship with Grog seems quite strong and there are some solid scenes he has with Keyleth, and one could extrapolate in fanon to the two of them be close friends. And Vex DOES clearly care for him, if only because he's always the one in danger. I also did not see Scanlan's crush on Pike until the end, and even then I feel like it wasn't very heavy handed (which i am not complaining about, mind you) to the point where you could argue, based on JUST the show, he may or may not be interested in her more than he would just be interested in any beautiful person.

And lets not even get started on the juicy dynamic of Vex and Keyleth this season. Like I was a fan of their potential to be friends, but a lot of their interactions left me frustrated because of how Vex treated her. but clearly Keyleth doesn't hold it against her lol. Maybe everyone's just into Vex being mean to them, can't blame them really. BUT if I hadn't been told better I could seriously believe they might be setting up a vexleth relationship instead, based on the few minute sequence of Keyleth rejecting someone based on their hectic lives only to blush at someone else moments later.

Like... I just think it's neat to play in the space of the ashow and think of where relationships might land based on what was presented, rather than what we know/have been told by others will happen because this is an adaptation and they aren't going to change the canon ships. Now if only I could muster up the energy to write fic!

#tlovm #the legend of vox machina #vmnb

[pootaku]

At Long Last

Summary:  Keyleth's sudden realization of the time they have now is more important than the time they 'might' have lets her be more honest about her feelings.

Notes:  I have not watched the original campaigns, only some clips from it and the whole animated series. So, sorry if the characters' personalities seem a bit off, I did my best and added my interpretation a bit hehe. Hope you will enjoy it!

“Never been this sober for a long time guys, we need to drink. We fucking deserved it!” Scanlan cheered, “ALE!!” Grog yelled right behind Scanlan and ran towards the kitchen with Pike on his shoulders. Scanlan singing songs, Percy smiling more than he ever did, Gorg chugging beer, as usual, they all drank, laughed, and celebrated the night away. During her giggles, Keyleth’s eyes wandered the room and her smile faded when she couldn’t see Vax in the room with them. Vex caught her wandering eyes, and smiled “Those idiots.” she chuckled faintly. She stood up and stopped beside Keyleth before going to the bathroom. “He is at the balcony, dear.” she said with a tone only Keyleth would hear. “W-who are you talking about? I was not looking for anyone!” she tried to deny her actions but her blushing face was making the persuasion hard. Vex giggled “If you say so dear.” she said and walked past Keyleth. As soon as Vex disappeared Keyleth wandered off to the balcony and saw Vax standing alone.

“No need to be this wary, Kiki.” Vax said. “How did you know that it was me?” Keyleth asked. He chucked and turned his face at her, “Your footsteps, they are as gentle as you are.” Keyleth blushed at the compliment and walked towards Vax. Rested against the banisters on her elbows. Vax also rested on the banisters beside Keyleth. “You know you were dead Kiki.” Vax breathed out, “and god knows what would I do if you were really, truly gone.” his voice sounded so desperate, Keyleth remembered him calling out to her. She hit his shoulder with hers softly, “But you saved me, didn’t know you were good at alchemy and herbs.” she tried to lighten up the mood, Vax smiled at her, “Thank god, I was always watching you.” Keyleth blushed not knowing whether he was watching her or just observing her skills, but she wanted to get it as a compliment. There was a moment of silence, “Vax,um, I know I left things at an awkward position, but I want you to know that I-” Vax didn’t let her finish her sentence, “You don’t have to explain yourself Kiki, I understand you, no hard feeling-.” Keyleth cut his sentence back, “No, no that’s not what I was trying to say. Let me talk. I know I said that the time was not right with all the responsibilities and etc. but then it got me thinking. Will the time ever be right? I mean I would be freaking dead if it were not to be you and we would not be having this conversation. So, um, what I’m actually trying to say is that I, uh, I love you Vax.” The sudden confession left Vax speechless, he was just looking at Keyleth but not saying anything. "I know, I rejected you a few hours ago and I'm sorry that I put you through all that, but I-I just didn't want to-" her words were left unfinished by the soft touch of Vax's lips on hers. Keyleth froze for a few seconds with the sudden kiss, but then closed her eyes and let herself go in his kiss.

The rest is at my Ao3! (for free ofc)

Hope you enjoyed the sneak peek hehehe

Link to the full fanfiction: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37330972

#the legend of vox machina #vox machina #keyleth #keyleth x vax #vax'ildan #vax x keyleth #fanfiction #fluff #eventual smut #humor #cartoon #romance #ship #ao3

[annonymouslyblonde]

Where I Should Be

Fandom: PJO/HOO

Pairing: Percy x Annabeth

Genre: hurt/comfort, fluff

Summary: Set during Mark of Athena the night of the day they found Percy. What if the stable scene wasn't the first moment alone Percy and Annabeth had? While I love the stable scene, Annabeth just isn't patient enough to have waited that long to catch up with Percy. My take on an additional scene for MoA.

A/N: Everything follows canon for HOO other than the fact we don't have a consistent timeline on the amount of time Percy was missing. So bare with me. My headcannon is that for Percy, it was a few months (thanks to his Hera induced nap), but for Annabeth, he's been missing eight months now.

The slight creak of the door woke Percy. After four years of fighting monsters and Lupa's training, he had learned to sleep lightly. Before the door could close, Riptide was uncapped and at the intruder's throat.

A sharp gasp came shortly before the person hissed, "Percy, it's me!"

Annabeth. Of course, it was only Annabeth. Percy sheepishly lowered his sword. Nothing said "I've missed you the last eight months" like a sword to the throat. Then again, she had judo flipped him, hadn't she? Seemed fair enough.

"I thought you were a monster!" he whispered harshly in defense of his actions, but Annabeth leveled him with a signature glare.

"A monster quietly making it past Jason on guard and opening your bedroom door instead of exploding it?"

His cheeks flamed with embarrassment. Hearing it aloud especially from Annabeth did make it seem pretty ridiculous.

"I was half asleep, and stranger things have happened. Besides I wasn't exactly expecting anyone tonight."

Annabeth looked away from him distracted, half asleep herself. She was barefoot and clad in her favorite worn flannel pants and a camp half-blood sweatshirt of his that was definitely too big for her.

"You're right, I'm sorry," she admitted quietly. "I just- I shouldn't have come, it's stupid. Go back to bed, Percy." She started to turn for the door when he dropped his sword completely to reach for her.

"Hey, don't."

He turned her back to him. In the light of Riptide, tear tracts stood out on her cheeks, and her eyes were red, puffy, and glassy like she may cry again any second. He gently stroked her cheek.

"You've been crying," Percy noted. She wiped angrily at her eyes trying to remove the evidence.

"Nightmares again?" he asked gently. Percy was always gentle with her when nightmares plagued her. Being vulnerable didn't come easy to Annabeth, and he felt honored she would trust him enough to show her vulnerable side.

When she confirmed his suspicions with a nod, Percy collected her in his arms and felt her sigh with relief. He remembered how awful the nightmares had been before at camp and when she'd stay at the apartment, even taken a few elbows as she fought them when she fell asleep during their movie nights. And now? A shudder cut through him trying to imagine how awful they must have been when he vanished. For him, it had only been a few months, but Annabeth had been looking for him nearly a year now not knowing what she may find on the other end.

He pressed a long kiss to her hair and asked, "Which one this time?"

Percy was familiar with most of them by now. Her mother and father rejecting her, blankets turning into spiders, standing at his funeral shroud in hand with everyone telling her he was gone, him accepting the offer of immortality and leaving her alone. And now he had actually left her alone at camp for eight months. The thought made his stomach turn.

"Same one I've had the last few months," she mumbled into his chest. "Every worst-case scenario. You not remembering me, not wanting to leave Camp Jupiter. Or not finding you at Camp Jupiter at all, that you'd never been there and we were completely wrong. Or worse." He knew the "or worse". Her biggest fear used to be abandonment and rejection, but now it had become more than that. The worse was finding him already dead.

"When I woke up, I just- I didn't trust my own mind that we really had found you. That you were really here. I thought I'd finally snapped. Today was probably the best scenario I could have thought up, and you know how it is for half-bloods. Things never go right."

He tightened his hold and stroked her tangled curls, burying his face in her shoulder. "Today they did. Right enough at least. I'm here. I'm with you where I should be."

"I'm so sorry, Percy," she sobbed into his shirt. "I'm sorry it took me so long to find you. I failed you epically."

"No, you didn't." He gently extracted himself taking her face in his hands and made her look at him. "That was all Hera. You did everything you could. I know you did."

"I can't help but feel like that's my fault too. After all, it is Hera," she spat the name out with a much venom as gorgon's blood. Somehow her voice could do that. One side sweet and comforting, another as deadly as poison. "She had to take you. Part of me feels like she took you to get back at me."

Percy couldn't help the chuckle. "Oh, I've done my share of angering that psycho goddess."

The pair stood for a moment in an extended silence. It wasn't enough to alleviate her guilt and he knew it. So he continued.

"It had to be me I think. Any other half-blood getting to California and through the wolf House with no memories? Even if I didn't know about it, I had Achilles' curse protecting me until I got to camp Jupiter. It saved me more than a couple of times."

"Until? You mean-" Her voice trailed off as her fingers grazed the spot at his lower back that he'd confided in her was his only weak spot. His stomach flipped at the gentle touch of her fingers in a way that had nothing to do with the weak spot he previously had.

"I had to give it up to enter Camp Jupiter," he explained. The realization donned on her.

"So when I flipped you earlier-"

"Oh yeah felt every bit of that, thanks. Probably bruised my back along with my ego," he teased. A thunk sounded as she hit her head on the door.

"I'm an idiot," she groaned. "Of course you couldn't carry a Grecian curse into a Roman camp. I'm sorry, Percy. I never meant to hurt you." Her hands skimmed his back hoping she hadn't hurt him too badly.

"I know you didn't, babe." Her heart flipped at the affectionate term. He didn't use that one often, usually when they were alone, but it did strange things to her whenever he did call her babe. It still felt surreal occasionally that they were together in that way. The days of them arguing on the way to LA didn't seem so far in the past.

"You were angry and scared and had every right to be after I disappeared like that. Besides you've done more damage in sparing practice. I'm fine."

She didn't say anything, choosing instead to wrap her arms around him again assuring herself he was really there. Soon, he felt her breathing even out against his neck, and she slumped heavily into him starting to fall asleep again. When he shuffled them towards the bed, she stirred making the task more difficult.

"Come on," he whispered into her nest of golden curls, loving the way she burrowed into his arms. "Lay down with me."

"Can't," she mumbled sleepily. "I shouldn't even be here. I need to go before we get caught."

"I think we've earned this for one night at least. It's been too long since I could hold you." His arms tightened around her, adding to his point. "I'll even set an alarm so you can sneak back before anyone is up. Better yet, where's your hat?"

"Stopped working," she spat out bitterly. "Only gift mom ever gave me, and apparently she kept the receipts. I don't wanna talk about it."

That concerned him. If Athena was taking things from Annabeth, what did that mean for the rest of them with their parents? Percy made them promise to be better with their kids, and here they were a few months later going back on their promises. Typical.

"You and your mom aren't talking again?"

"No one is talking. Olympus has gone silent except for Hera apparently." Bitterness crept back into her voice as the hurt and worry of the last several months tightened in her chest again. Before her mind could go too dark, the ship pitched suddenly sending them tumbling into his bed and Percy into a fit of laughter.

"See even the ship is telling you to stay."

She snorted and settled against him as he pulled a blanket around them. If the Fates seemed to be telling her to stay, then who was she to argue. Curled into his side, she took a deep, comforting breath of the salty air that seemed to follow him. The smell of the ocean, the smell of him, always calmed her now. Automatically, Percy ran his fingers through her hair. Well as much as he could considering it was a knotted mess.

"Speaking of moms though, your mom and Paul are doing well. They've been worried about you, but they're good."

"You went to see them?"

Distractedly, she drew Greek letters across his chest needing to keep her hands busy. Curse half-blood ADHD. It was always worse when she didn't sleep well, but Percy didn't mind. The light touch of her fingers dancing across his chest focused him. All he could think of was her. The smell of her shampoo. Her warm breath as she spoke to him. The feel of her securely wrapped in his arms. He never wanted to forget this again.

"I wanted to keep them informed and see if they heard from you," she answered having finally ordered her thoughts enough. "I've been going at least once a week when I'm at camp. Your mom's kept me sane the last eight months."

"She's pretty great like that. I tried to call her. I don't know if it helped or made things worse. I didn't really explain too well."

"It helped," she assured him with a squeeze. "She managed to forward it to me, and we must have spent an hour on the phone together listening to it. It was good just to hear your voice. And speaking of, you should call her in the morning. The camouflage on the ship will make it safe for a phone call."

"She's going to kill me when I get home," he groaned. Annabeth laughed into his chest. It was the best feeling in the world to hear that laugh again.

"Probably so, then she's going to hug you for a month straight. She wanted me to tell you she loves you and misses you. She never doubted I'd find you."

When Annabeth first came to tell Mr. and Mrs. Jackson-Blofis about Percy's disappearance, she made sure Sally knew she would do whatever it took to bring him home. The older woman merely nodded and smiled at the younger girl.

"Of course you will, dear. I have every faith in you." And she hugged her. Sally never once doubted Annabeth's ability. And later as Annabeth worried over the quest from her mom, it was Sally that held her hand reassuringly and told her everything would be alright. In the past eight months, Sally Jackson had become a rock to Annabeth, and she would never be able to thank the woman enough for that. The woman never doubted that she'd find the most important thing in both their lives.

"And she shouldn't have." Percy interrupted her thoughts, answering both her words and internal musings. "Because you are amazing."

Looking down at the girl curled against him, Percy couldn't help but finally feel at home. Emotions overwhelmed him fighting for dominance. Pride in her. Anger for being snatched away. Fear that it would happen again. Happiness to have her in his arms again. But one feeling was more powerful than the rest, and he needed to make sure she knew before anything else could happen.

"And I love you, Annabeth Chase."

She propped up on her elbows, staring at him dumbfounded. A long quiet moment passed before Percy broke the silence with a nervous laugh.

"Oh that's so sweet," he mimicked in a high voice. "But you know I'm not sure I feel that-"

She shut him up with a kiss. By now, they had kissed lots of times. There was Mt. St. Helen when she had surprised him with a kiss. Or the time they came back to camp high on the victory of defeating Kronos when they had kissed by the lake. And of course, the best underwater kiss ever which had become every underwater kiss since. But every time she kissed him, it made his stomach flip just like it was the first time all over again. When they finally parted, she leaned her forehead against his with a satisfied smirk.

"Of course I love you, seaweed brain. Think I'd have gone searching for eight months if I didn't?"

"I'd do it for you," he vowed, wrapping a ringlet around his finger. "I'd do anything for you."

"You're proving my point for me."

She smirked at him, and he took the moment to truly study her face. She was beautiful as always, but the deep, puffy rings under her eyes had definitely not been there before. Her cheekbones stood out sharper and he realized when he held her, she was thinner, gaunt even. He could feel each of her vertebrae when he ran his hand down her back. Her face was noticeably paler as well, and her hair lacked its normal shiny, glow. Overall, she pretty much looked like death warmed over. He traced the purple skin under her eyes.

"Gods, Annabeth, when's the last time you slept?"

She rolled her eyes at him. The first time he told her he loved her followed up with how tired she looked. Leave it to Percy Jackson to ruin a beautiful moment.

"Always the charmer, aren't you?"

"I mean it." The laugh in her throat died with his serious tone. Percy was seldom serious. "When's the last time you actually slept a full eight hours? And you haven't been eating well, I can tell. I know how you get when you stress."

Annabeth settled against his shoulder again, not able to bear the concern on his face. No, she hadn't taken great care of herself lately, and she didn't need Percy to remind her of that. Sally did enough of that commenting on the increasingly dark circles under her eyes, always insisting she stay for dinner, that she was getting too thin.

"I couldn't," she finally admitted in a small voice. It seemed pathetic to her now that she hadn't been able to take care of herself, but she lacked the will to without Percy. All of her focus has been on finding him.

"I had to find you. When I did sleep, I snuck into your cabin or fell asleep in your bed at the apartment." She paused waiting for his reaction. Would he be angry she snuck in there? Would he not like her sleeping in his beds while he'd been missing? But Percy just tightened his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her head. She released the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. It amazed her sometimes how Percy always seemed to know exactly what she needed.

"Being in there where it smelled like you, it was the only way I could actually get some sleep. Chiron had to know, but no one ever said anything."

Tears collected in her eyes, and she turned her face into his chest trying to stop them. Percy was the only person she ever let see her like this, weak and emotional. The only time she let herself break was in the seclusion of the Posidon cabin curled around his pillow.

"I missed you," she whispered hoarsely.

"I missed you too. The whole time, all I could think about was getting back to you. You kept me going, kept me alive."

"You mean you remembered me the whole time?" she asked incredulously. How could she have been the one thing he remembered? When Jason showed up, he hadn't remembered anything. It didn't make sense to her that Percy would remember anything, much less her.

"Yeah. Whether she meant to or not, you were the only thing Hera didn't take from me. The second I woke up, I didn't know my name, but I knew yours and knew I had to get back to you no matter what. More things came. The quests and all. That kiss under the lake. But it always came back to you. You're ingrained into who I am now, Annabeth. You were the reason I kept going because I knew I had to get back to you."

She leaned up pressing her lips to his again, tracing every inch of his face trying to memorize it. The kiss spoke everything they had struggled to say to each other. Her euphoric relief seeing him alive and well. His hope for a future with her in New Rome. The deep connection that had tied them together since they were twelve. Everything.

"I love you, Percy Jackson," she breathed against his lips, pouring every emotion she felt for him into the words. He grinned that lopsided smile she adored so much.

"I love you too, wise girl."

#percy jackson #annabeth chase #percy and annabeth #percabeth #pjo fandom #pjo fanfic #percy x annabeth #pjo hoo toa #mark of athena #fanfic #writing #hoo fanfic #oneshot #percabeth fluff

[the-ghost-king]

love seeing ur tags on my posts it means i get to think 🥰🥰 anyway mostly agree but at least to me nico’s constant need to prove himself is a sign of feeling like he’s not worth other people’s time and effort and he has to MAKE himself worth it. he does all he can in the hopes that people will notice him and tell him that he’s good enough because he relies on the approval of people he loves. he thinks love is something conditional for him and that he always has to be earning it because he doesn’t have enough worth to have it just granted to him. again this is more my own interpretation of his character and possibly a bit of projection

(Post)

I will not fail to acknowledge that I might also be projecting somewhat onto Nico, what is media but self reflection? I think there's a couple ways you can see Nico that are canonically "correct"

What I personally think happened with Nico is that he was aware he was worth more than the treatment he was receiving, but because so much rejection occurred he eventually just assumed he was the problem. There's things on this I would rewrite now but it holds up okay in what I'm about to try and explain.

The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault.

I think this is something that really describes Nico. He is never able to nestle himself in the comfort of sameness after a certain point. He is not given authority in his own story in the beginning, he is thrust into solitude, he is told he is a monster already and if not then he has no choice but to become one.

And he takes this blame upon himself, believing that it's him who has to prove himself. He doesn't acknowledge that maybe other people have their own biases against him, he says "I have to prove them wrong," and then does his best.

It's important to note that Nico is definitely grappling with Childhood Emotional Neglect, he's in a broken situation- and he recognizes that nobody wants him around, and that he's just more stress for an already stressed group of people, so he just backs down and starts to figure stuff out for himself. We see him accept some help and friendship from The Stolls in TTC but eventually he stops doing this at some point.

His leave from camp and time with Minos is when he is used:

you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this

This is something I would say is very true about this time period of Nico's life. Minos emotionally exploits Nico, emotional neglect and abuse (possibly physical abuse, who knows) are defining characteristics of their interactions. Nico talks about how Minos will just randomly leave him for extremely long periods with no assistance, and about how when he's around he's always telling Nico to try harder, to do better, do more. Note the time he tells Nico "you have no power over me", he's definitely holding things over Nico's head. I don't think it's wrong to assume comfort is a part of that, Nico is alone all the time at this point, and I'm sure he's starved for touch, and support, and connection- and he will take whatever he can get whether or not it is good or right.

At first he doesn't do anything against this, and it might be because he was so starved for attention that he was willing to endure abuse to receive somewhat a consistent form of it. I also think there's some evidence that points to the idea Nico was getting something from Minos, training and similar stuff, it's possible he was willing to form and upkeep a toxic relationship with him in order to gain experience.

However, I do disagree with "and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this" because Nico does realize eventually that his situation isn't sustainable and that he has to do something- so he takes his narrative back into his own hands:

“Minos laughed. "You have no power over me. I am the god of spirits! The ghost king!" "No." Nico drew his sword. "I am.” (X)

So Nico, if he ever thought he was worth the treatment of being used for someone elses personal gain, he definitely overcomes some of it here, if not all of it. Nico is manipulated and used for Minos's personal gain, but he recognizes that it's not sustainable and makes a stand for himself. And this is the first time in the series where Nico truly is able to take control of his own narrative, everything before this moment is Nico being forced, or Nico with something looming over him, Nico crowning himself is him claiming his story.

So let's consider Hades in all of this, I don't think Hades manipulated Nico to the extent Minos did- but nonetheless, he did manipulate and abuse him, and this hurt Nico more than when Minos did it. Again, in the situation with Hades this is also true, "you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing". By the time Nico and Hades truly start interacting, we see that Nico's heart hasn't been fully removed from his sleeve, but it may have been lightened.

Here's the thing about the way Nico approached Hades, it's not naïve to trust family. The text in multiple places implies that Hades was around for at least a handful of years when Nico was a kid, it's not unlikely that Nico may have taken naps on his shoulder, held his hand to cross the street, maybe called him "Papa", "Dad", or "Tata" (Italian, English, old Greek). It makes sense that Nico goes to him, what doesn't make sense to Nico at first is that Hades would manipulate him. Unlike many of the other demigods, Nico knows he was a choice, and that at some point he was something wanted, so he expects some level of okay treatment from Hades. Hades loved his mother, and Hades if not wanting of Nico would have wanted Maria's wishes fulfilled, and Nico probably remembers Hades treating him warmly- or at least not harshly. The way Nico went to Hades makes sense, he wasn't expecting open arms surely, but he also wasn't expecting abuse.

Hades emotionally exploits Nico by using information about Maria, what would a little boy want more than the safety of his mother? He's so starved for human contact, who ever held him more than his mother? Who ever loved him more than her? Once Nico delivers Percy to Hades, his father crushes him, not only by harming Percy but by exploiting Nico's trust through Nico's mother- one of the things he's most desperate for.

We see Nico's heart come off his sleeve at this point, maybe not fully, but enough to where a stranger couldn't recognize it at first glance, and in a way where he has the means to hide it from most.

Except we don't see much of this, because the series is narrated by Percy- and Nico can't hide his heart from Percy.

Almost everything Nico does, everything he tries to do, is for Percy. Nico is so desperate for contact that he is pliant, but in Percy's hands Nico actually wants that contact, he's not interested in imitations of love or substitutes- he's looking for the real thing.

And Mr. Oblivious does-Annabeth-like-me Jackson isn't in any headspace to realize that a boy might like him, let alone Nico. This concern that Nico will join Luke, isn't entirely because Percy is misreading signals, but it's definitely part of it. Nico likes Percy so much that at one point he is willing to go to Tartarus if not entirely for him, then partially for him.

If Percy had realized, and rejected Nico- maybe he would have joined Luke, or at least he definitely would have been more likely to. The perception of Nico we get in PJO from Percy is unreliable, because Percy looks at Nico through the lenses of a concerned older brother, and Percy feels guilty in some way for the situation Nico is in. This gives not only a skewed, but slightly falsified narrative of who Nico is.

The original post of mine I linked, although yes, I would like to rewrite aspects of it now it holds up in the sense that Nico is always trying to prove himself, and this is a bit different than being a puppet. Nico is so starved that it is present in everything, @/arabnico gets it right:

nico’s longing is just so raw it consumes him whole and he cannot hide it at all because it reflects in absolutely everything he does and is nico’s just the means of the way for them and he settles for being it because he doesn’t think he can be much better or even deserves to it is sometting so twisted because nico has this innate utalitarian desire to be useful and to do something and to do the right thing but in the game of things he’s reduced to that puppet in the hands of fate and deities millennia older than him that see a wounded wandering soul doomed to be forever alone by a destiny so cruel it keeps him on his knees

Nico, in PJO especially, has little control over his own narrative. His mother is killed in punishment for his father's "wrongs", Nico is forced to endure this. Bianca grows tired of caring for Nico and leaves him behind, this is not Nico's fault but Nico is forced to endure the consequences of her actions. Bianca's fate is decided on a quest Nico isn't even able to go on, he is forced to endure the results. Nico then breaks the cycle, declaring himself The Ghost King, and dethroning Minos. Nico is forced to endure Hades's manipulation only because he did not see it coming, this wasn't an aspect in which Nico didn't have his narrative (he had already taken ownership of his narrative) but a blind spot in his rational.

The place where we vary is why Nico behaves this way, we can agree that it's because he's starving for human connection- but you believe it's because he has no confidence he is willing to submit himself, while I see his submission as an act of desperation.

Personally, I think to argue that Nico is like this as a result of lack of confidence does a disservice to his narrative (obviously it's fine to view him however you wish, and I wish you all the fun in doing so!). To boil this down to starvation and lack of confidence removes some level of Nico's autonomy in his own life, but also strips him of one of his strongest characteristics- those qualities of him which are like Orpheus.

Nico willing to go to the ends of the earth for love is not a weakness but a strength, his ability to carry on beyond the point in which he needs a rest is not a weakness but a sign of strength. His ability to go to the ends of the earth to right wrongs, and to show his love:

"... Cupid struck, slapping Nico sideways into a granite pedestal. Love is no game! It is no flowery softness! It is hard work- a quest that never ends. It demands everything from you- especially the truth. Only then does it yield rewards."

Cupid is explaining Nico's idea of love in this scene, we see Jason say he prefers Piper's idea of love- but Nico only knows love in the way cupid describes, working desperately for a few moments with Bianca, working just to hear any scrap of information about his mother, always trying to prove himself to Percy- to overcome the way he feels about Percy (and boys in general).

Nico has only known love as something you walk to the ends of the Earth for, but he never stops fighting to be loved and acknowledged. Lesser men would give up and lay down, accept they are unworthy, but Nico keeps pushing to be acknowledged and accepted- to be recognized and loved without having to walk to the end of the Earth, but Nico knows he has to walk to that edge and face it before unconditional love will come to him.

To imply that Nico seeks love the way he does because he's unconfident in his ability to receive love ignores the idea that he's had his life forced into this position because of the fates. It loses acknowledgment to the strength it takes to pick yourself up and walk to the end of the Earth time and time again, because if he was unconfident then he would eventually lay down and accept he shouldn't be loved ever again.

I don't think confidence doesn't play into this at all though, it definitely has some impact on Nico, he does view himself as inherently less (he is overly self sacrificial- think Tartarus :/), and he does try to remove himself from others:

You yourself said: you blame yourself for the way people have hurt you, taken advantage of you, and abandoned you. they exploit your love and your naïveté time and time again. you tell yourself, surely, there must be something wrong with you. because—you are convinced—that people are good. “if they hurt me, it is because i am flawed. it is because i am weak. people will always hurt me—even people i love. it’s an inevitable truth for me.” (X)

And this connects to what I said: "The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault."

I do think there's a reason Nico makes himself so "utilitarian", because he hasn't been handed unconditional love since Bianca. But again we disagree on the why, I see Nico's behavior in his utilitarian example of love as caring, the way more people should be in love. Too many people see love as something given without restraint, and yeah, love should be unconditional but in order for love to be unconditional you have to do the work to lay good foundation. To be utilitarian in loving is not an act of weakness, or a symbol of lack of confidence, it is a showcase of more care in love than most have to offer. We care for things, and place value on them determined by how much love and care goes into those things.

I also don't see Nico's self blaming for what happened as flawed, it's logical in his situation, and a common result of CEN. This self blame shows care and kindness, and this coincides with Nico's arcs, "If I am bad, how do I improve? If I have no choice but to be evil, how do I still be good?". Nico is always fighting not to be recognized for good or bad, but to be recognized for what he is.

Trust is not naivety either, the only reason Nico is regarded as naïve is because of the extreme circumstances of his life. People shouldn't have to expect abuse from people who are supposed to love them, people should have to accept abuse in order to receive love. If Nico's life had turned out different, his naivety wouldn't be viewed as a weakness but a strength- a kindness.

We're not actually viewing Nico all that different, there's this space where his character blurs together, and it becomes an individual duty to determine at what point a flaw becomes a strength, and a strength a flaw. Nico's stubbornness is a flaw if we're thinking about grudges, but it's a strength in his work ethic. Nico's ability to stand on his own is a strength in terms of questing, but it's a flaw when it prevents him from experiencing love in fullness.

#asks #gayleafpool #idk the ending of this is shit but idk how to close ends so hopefully you understand anyhow #also i don't want this to come off as there's a right and wrong way to view something because that's not true #i was just trying to elaborate further on why i view nico a certain way #i can definitely see why you view him how you do #i think we're both definitely projecting a bit because we're both right in a flawed wya #*way #but what is the human mind but flawed? #uhh to tag or not to tag? #i'll tag #nico di angelo #pjo #long post

[radiantmists]

more pjo/rqg crossover thoughts

so i can’t turn my brain off once it’s started and i realized thinking more about this that rqg has a very good mechanic for true crossovers in that it contains several characters getting yote by a planar shift, which... they could end up anywhere!

(fair warning: i havent read the apollo books, and ive only read the last couple seven-demigods books once, so i’m mostly basing this on the first PJO series bc i remember them)

so: sasha and grizzop emerge in the PJO universe, probably still in nero’s palace, which in our world has sunk into a hillside and from what i can tell is a) partially tourable, b) an active excavation site. and c) partially unsafe, which as far as I can  tell translates to it being infested with monsters in the PJO world. plus its in rome so like. very dangerous. 

this means they get into a fight fairly immediately, at which point a few issues rear their head:

the mist affects sasha. she’s probably more resistant to it than the average mortal, and can see things when theyre pointed out to her with enough insistence, but it is absolutely interfering with her perceptions.

the (ambient) mist does not affect grizzop. they dont realize this right away, but it’s because he pings it as a monster. 

sasha isn’t quite sure why he starts firing on the lost-looking people wandering around this weird buried palace; grizzop feels like at this point sasha ought to know a zombie when she sees one. she gets with the program when they start attacking and don’t go down with a stab to the kidneys, though.

one thing grizzop does realize fairly quickly, to some only marginally well-managed panic: artemis is weird here. probably he thinks at first that this is what azu and ed were talking about: he can feel something when he prays, she’s not gone and after a hot second of delay she does bless his aim, but he can’t channel positive energy to just blast the zombies, and his armor isn’t glowing. there’s something wrong. 

but they win the fight, barely; sasha’s not in good shape, and grizzop can’t heal her, which is becoming a pattern and he doesn’t care for this shit at all. 

they find their way out of the palace, and start to notice that (nearly) all of the people around are humans, but they don’t dwell on it, partly because theyre also in the future and partly because no one seems to be remarking at grizzop, which means there must be other goblins around and just not that many here right now. grizzop is especially willing to accept this because he sees a (fairly small) number of monsters around.

theyre much more concerned about the fact that theyre very much not in kansas anymore. theyre looking for a place to buy healing potions, at  which point some kind stranger approaches sasha and asks if she wants an ambulance/directions to a hospital. she reluctantly accepts directions; the aphrodite and artemis temple hospitals weren’t bad, but this is rome and she’s concerned. but it also becomes  clear that this person thinks that grizzop is her child. they’re mildly alarmed when he gets upset and cusses them out about this, but... clearly these tourists are going through it. is sasha sure she doesn’t want an ambulance? it’s a ways to walk, especially with a toddler to manage... (she’s sure)

there’s no magical healing at the hospital; sasha tells grizzop that magic just doesn’t seem to work in rome, but he points that the sun works wherever  they are, and most of it doesn’t seem that monster-infested, so... unclear.

they sneak out of the emergency room before sasha has to give any personal information, and wander around rome for at least a day, trying to figure out what’s going on. grizzop prays a lot, and he has a dream akin to percy’s more symbological ones: he encounters a beautiful doe that he knows is artemis in an unfamiliar forest, but she’s standoffish. he asks what he’s done wrong, but she doesn’t answer; she leads him to some wild place outside rome-- probably Lake Nemi, close to a temple of Diana-- where Grizzop sees some hunters from a distance, and then the dream ends.

so the next day grizzop drags them out there-- maybe someone points them there, it seems to be a tourist attraction of sorts and i just remembered that grizzop has pretty shit survival skills. and they go off into the woods and get a bit lost, and then theyre found by the hunters.

it turns out artemis has sent thalia a dream to come there, but was... light on information, so the hunters aren’t sure what to expect. i think probably sasha and grizzop are arguing when the hunters find them, and they see this situation and think: likely recruit is being harassed by monster, except when they go to ‘help,’ sasha takes grizzop’s side. 

i’m not sure how this would go on, or even when exactly pjo canon it would be set, but it would involve a lot of the hunters (and maybe artemis) wanting to recruit sasha, her being uncomfortable with this, but not wanting to leave grizzop. grizzop, meanwhile, is absolutely fascinated with this group of women who actually get to hunt with the goddess, and have immortality until they find something worth giving their life for, and yet they’re all suspicious of him-- which he’s used to from humans, but he’s rarely met something he wanted this much and being rejected hurts. artemis herself is probably a bit thrown at being worshipped again, because the hunters and demigods certainly revere her but i feel like it doesn’t have the same flavor of faith that grizzop would have? 

they also want to get back; maybe trying to figure out how to do this takes them to camp half-blood and the oracle, where they meet the core pjo cast? idk if they’d be able to get back, though, i can’t think of a mechanic for it in the pjo universe? much to think about...

#pjo #rqg

[hellpotter]

Hi, I’m not sure if you’re taking requests from the prompt list but if you are maybe you could write 40 or 43 for percy and Annabeth please. I love the fics I’ve read of yours 😊

pretend to be my date | percabeth

Annabeth knew from the beginning she shouldn’t have agreed with Rachel’s idea of going to that party. First of all, she didn’t even like parties all that much. Second, she needed to study. And, finally, she didn’t need any more social anxiety than she already had to deal on a daily basis.

Still... Well, there she was. Standing in the living room of someone that she didn’t even know who it was, dressed in high-waisted jeans skirts and a vintage blouse, holding a cup of some unfamiliar drink on her hand.

Rachel had been way too efficient in finding someone she was interest in flirting with and sat on a couch near her, talking to some guy that, Annabeth suspected, was in her Arts class. She had no ideia how her friend could act so easily and naturally about her interests and start a flirtatious conversation with such little effort. She acted assertively, all confident smiles and charming comments, knowing exactly when to lean over or risk touching the guy. It was amusing watching her do this so perfectly and yet in such a carefree way. She thought she would never be able to do it herself. Annabeth had too many issues with acceptance, attraction and sexuality for that. With attraction, usually came stuttering and agitated posture and doubts, for her. At least until she found trust and comfort, and by then it was mostly either too late or too much for the other person to handle.

Annabeth caught herself staring at Rachel and her soon-to-be-date, blushing. She should probably leave and let them be, find something else to do or someone else to talk. 

The minute she turned around to walk away, she regretted. The heat rose on her cheeks and she all but froze when she saw him coming her way. Percy Jackson.

He wasn’t popular. He wasn’t particularly smart, either. He was on the swim team and well known for his sarcastic comments, and really, he wasn’t Annabeth’s type.

But, most importantly, he was on Annabeth’s Algebra class. And there was something about him that made her develop a huge crush on him this past year. Maybe it was the way he furrowed his eyebrows whenever he didn’t know how to proceed in some equation. Or maybe it was the fact that he actually hated Maths, but was trying his best because he wanted to make his mother proud and go to a good college. It could even be the way he asked about her and actually bothered listening, remembering details about what she told him after. 

Either way, he wasn’t her type. But she had a huge crush on him, and less than zero courage to do something about that. She knew too little about him to let herself risk it.

So, when she saw him coming on her direction, she panicked. And turned around. And literally pulled Rachel out of the sofa, intertwining their fingers and pulling her body closer.

“Hey! What?”

Her friend looked at her, completely confused.

“Pretend to be my date,” she whispered quickly, just before Percy reached them with a big smile.

“Annabeth!” He greeted. “I- I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Hi, Percy,” she tried keeping her voice steady. “Yeah, it’s not really my scene. Rachel here made me come,” she nudged her friend slightly with her elbow.

“Oh, I see,” he said. “It’s not really like me, either. My friends convinced me to come, too.”

“Oh. Right,” she noticed him looking at Rachel quickly. “By the way, Rachel, this is Percy, from my Algebra class. Percy, this is Rachel, my- uh... “ 

She trailed off and noticed his eyes finally seeing her hand intertwined with Rachel’s. She saw Rachel’s confused look increase too (she had told her about Percy), but she was a good actress.

Percy’s cheeks were red and his smile weakened... Was that disappointment on his face?

He cleared his throat and offered his hand do Rachel. “Uh, hi, Rachel. Nice meeting you.”

The three of them talked for a while, mostly light subjects such as school and senior year and music or TV series they liked. She enjoyed how easily conversation flowed with Percy. He was a good listener, but also always had something funny or interesting to say. He made her comfortable, and, for once, she didn’t feel like borrowing Rachel’s social abilities. Hers were enough. 

Too soon, Percy said he should go and find his friends, walking away with a “see you later” and a nice smile. There was something weird about his behavior, as if he was disappointed and didn’t get what he wanted somehow. Maybe he was interested in Rachel?

Her friend interrupted her line of thought by lifting their hands and staring at her. “What was that all about?”

Annabeth blushed furiously and let go of her friends hand, looking at the ground. “I just…”

“Annabeth, isn’t that the guy you’re like secretly in love with?” 

“I'm not in love with him. I just have a crush on him.”

“Okay, then why did you want me to pretend I was your date?” Rachel’s question was sincere, but Annabeth couldn’t answer.

She didn’t know why. Maybe she’d panicked. Maybe she was too uncomfortable with the whole party situation that made the possibility of her and Percy getting together an actual possibility, as well as the option of him rejecting her. Maybe she was just too tired of getting involved with guys and only finding out they were homophobic way after it was too late for it not to be too personal, not to hurt too much. Maybe she was afraid of getting hurt.

“I don’t know,” she muttered.

Rachel was silent for a minute, the boy she’d been flirting with before long forgotten. Suddenly, she took Annabeth’s arm and spoke again. “C’mon, let’s get some air.”

With that, they went outside, in silence, the loud music ringing in their ears. 

They sat on a bench on the yard before Rachel finally said something again. “What happened in there?” 

Annabeth stared at her hands in her lap. “I don’t know, Rach. I guess I panicked. I just- I really like him, you know? And I’m so scared, I don’t want to get hurt again.” 

She felt tears starting to form in her eyes and looked up, blinking, making them go away.

“Shit,” Rachel took her hand, trying to offer some kind of comfort. “That’s about you being bi, isn’t it?”

Annabeth shook her head, slowly. “I guess it is, in some way. Unconsciously, maybe. I guess I’m just worried he’s not what it seems like. I just can’t handle finding out the hard way again.”

Rachel took her in in a comfortable hug for a few moments. When she spoke again, her voice was incredibly soft and her gaze was sincere and intense, directly into Annabeth’s eyes.

“Hey. I know you’re scared. And I know it hurts and it’s not fair that you’ve been through all that and still has to worry about this. But I love you. And it’s gonna be alright. I’m here for you.”

They hugged again, and Annabeth expected that her physical demonstration was enough to express her gratitude and affection. When they pulled apart again, Rachel’s tone was a bit more playful and serious at the same time. 

“But… I have to say. You’re never going to find someone good enough to love you if you’re not ready to try. And sometimes you have to risk it.” 

Annabeth nodded and they got up, walking slowly back towards the house. What wasn’t her surprise when she saw Percy coming right out. 

Rachel rose an eyebrow and whispered. “Well, here comes your chance.” She walked away and went back into the house, leaving Annabeth alone to reach Percy the moment he stepped in the grass. 

“Hi,” she said.

“Oh. Hey,” he offered her a smile, then they fell into and uncomfortable silence for a while.

“Can we- uh, talk?”

She pointed to the bench she’d been sitting with Rachel and he nodded, before walking with her and sitting down. 

Before she could speak, he did. “I'm sorry if I was a little weird earlier, I didn’t mean to. I just- I didn’t know you had a girlfriend, so I was a little surprised. But please don’t think I’m like-“

“I don’t,” she interrupted him, and he stared at her, brows furrowed and confused look. “Have a girlfriend, I mean. Or a date. Rachel… She’s only my friend.”

“Oh. I thought-“

“Yeah, I know. I guess made you think that. I’m sorry.”

“But why?” His eyes were agitated. He was confused and somewhat hurt.

She took a deep breath before answering. “I’m bi. I didn’t know if you knew it. And I- I like you. And I panicked.”

He stared at her with his mouth opened. “You like me?” He finally said.

“Um- yeah,” she could feel herself blushing. “I do. A lot.”

A smile began to form on his lips and he leaned closer to her, bringing a hand to the side of her neck.

“So you’re okay with it?”

His eyebrows came together again. “With what?”

“That, um. That I’m bi.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Annabeth shrugged and looked away, but he lifted her chin with his finger and made her look at him again.

“Annabeth. I don’t care. And I’m more than okay, if it means I can kiss you,” he whispered.

And when they finally brought their lips together, and Annabeth thought to herself that she had to stop accepting the unacceptable from people (because really, him being okay was just the absolute minimum), she realized that maybe, just maybe, coming to the party hadn’t been such a bad idea after all.  

send me prompts :)

#okay but this became like huge #more than 1.6k words?? #and I guess I'm a little crazy #this was supposed to be simple #now it's like reflexive and all about sexuality #i'm sorry #but I kinda like it?? #I hope you do too #percabeth #percabeth fic #percabeth au #high school #mortal au #pjo #oh and thank you I'm really glad <3 #maybe it's a little self inspired ?? #yeah I guess it is

[flightfoot]

Analyzing Reyna’s romance (or rather, lack thereof) arc and her feelings towards it throughout the series

Recently, Rick published a tweet about Reyna’s orientation, stating “Personally, I see her as romantic asexual and have written her arc with that in mind. (hence the prophecy in HoO) It’s been a struggle for her to figure that out, as she explains in Tyrant’s Tomb. But as always, interpret the text as you wish.”

After reading Tyrant’s Tomb, I figured she was somewhere around ace or aro, so it was cool to see it confirmed that he wrote her with that in mind! Especially since I’m ace myself, and we don’t get a ton of representation. It was just really neat.

In light of that, I wanted to lay out and analyze her arc as it relates to her orientation, to who she’s attracted (or moreso, not attracted) to, starting from her first appearance and continuing through to Tyrant’s Tomb.

Starting all the way from “Son of Neptune”, there’s hints and conversations about Reyna’s love life woven in, with Percy noticing how Reyna reacts to Jason being mentioned.

Reyna grimaced. Percy got the feeling this guy Jason might’ve been more to her than just a colleague. (SON 41)

 Percy doesn’t know much of anything about Jason or Reyna or the culture in Camp Jupiter, so he doesn’t have much of a bias towards thinking they’re a couple because of those factors. For Percy to still pick up on Reyna being especially close to Jason is a pretty good indicator that that wasn’t just other people reading into it, seeing what they expect to see from Reyna - something which DOES happen a lot, and that Reyna goes into in Tyrant’s Tomb.

Jason… Percy couldn’t go very far in this camp without hearing that name.

“The way you talk about him…” Percy said. “Were you two a couple?”

Reyna’s eyes bored into him – like the eyes of a hungry wolf. Percy had seen enough hungry wolves to know.

“We might have been,” Reyna said, “given time. Praetors work closely together. It’s common for them to become romantically involved. But Jason was only praetor for a few months before he disappeared. Ever since then, Octavian has been pestering me, agitating for new elections. I’ve resisted. I’ve resisted. I need a new partner in power – but I prefer someone like Jason. A warrior, not a schemer.”

She waited. Percy realized she was sending him a silent invitation.

His mouth went dry. “Oh… you mean… oh.”

“I believe the gods sent you to help me,” Reyna said. “I don’t understand where you come from, any more than I understood it four years ago. But I think your arrival is some form of repayment. You destroyed my home once. Now you’ve been sent to save my home. I don’t hold a grudge against you for the past, Percy. My sister hates you still, it’s true, but Fate brought me here to Camp Jupiter. I’ve done well. All I ask is that you work with me for the future. I intend to save this camp. (SON 181)

 Initially when she’s introduced, and in the early books especially, Reyna gives off this extremely dangerous vibe, with Percy especially being nervous about her. Her initial proposition here seems very opportunistic at first, with the emphasis being on the power that comes from being her partner first and foremost, and any more romantic (or otherwise) partnership being implied as an add-on. It isn’t really clear whether she has any actual feelings for him or not.

“The point is, Percy, you are the real power on this quest. You are a seasoned veteran. I’ve seen what you can do. A son of Neptune wouldn’t be my first choice, but if you return successfully from this mission, the legion might be saved. The praetorship will be yours for the taking. Together, you and I could expand the power of Rome. We could raise an army and find the Doors of Death, crush Gaea’s forces once and for all. You would find me a very helpful… friend.”

She said that word like it could have several meanings, and he could pick which one.

Percy’s feet started tapping on the floor, anxious to run. “Reyna… I’m honored, and all. Seriously. But I’ve got a girlfriend. And I don’t want power, or a praetorship.”

Percy was afraid he’d made her mad. Instead she just raised her eyebrows.

“A man who turns down power?” she said. “That’s not very Roman of you. Just think about it. In four days, I have to make a choice. If we are to fight off an invasion, we must have two strong praetors. I’d prefer you, but if you fail on your quest, or don’t come back, or refuse my offer… Well, I’ll work with Octavian. I mean to save this camp, Percy Jackson. Things are worse than you realize.” (SON 182-183)

 Reyna’s giving off a “together we can rule” kind of vibe, though for benevolent purposes. And the emphasis on him not being her first choice necessarily but preferring him to other options, along with the casual way she talks about him possibly failing his quest or not making it back compounds the perception that this isn’t really about Percy personally, and not about any attraction she may or may not have towards him, but just what he can offer as far as strengthening the camp goes.

He could tell the audience was over. Reyna was having trouble holding herself together, keeping up the image of the confident commander. She needed some time by herself.

But at the door of the principia, Percy couldn’t resist turning. “How did we destroy your home – that spa where you lived?”

The metal greyhounds growled. Reyna snapped her fingers to silence them.

“You destroyed the power of our mistress,” she said. “You freed some prisoners who took revenge on all of us who lived on the island. My sister and I… well, we survived. It was difficult. But in the long run, I think we are better off away from that place.”

“Still, I’m sorry,” Percy said. “If I hurt you, I’m sorry.”

Reyna gazed at him for a long time, as if trying to translate his words. “An apology? Not very Roman at all, Percy Jackson. You’d make an interesting praetor. I hope you’ll think about my offer.” (SON 184-185)

 The bit about Reyna having trouble holding herself together and keeping up this image shows a crack in her earlier portrayal, that maybe she isn’t quite as... impassive I think? As she appears while making her ‘offer’ to Percy. It does make me wonder though, how much of this portrayal of her during this scene was a deliberately planned part of her character arc since the beginning, and how much was Rick writing this in the early stages and slowly figuring out her character along the way. In later scenes, especially in later books, it seemed like less of a purely pragmatic offer, and more of one with at least some twinges of actual desire behind it, albeit only twinges (not like she knows Percy that well anyway).

She glanced up at the warship. Her expression turned a little wistful. “You say Jason is aboard… I hope that’s true. I’ve missed him.” (SON 512)

 Even here, though, at the end of SON, the stalwart commander image she tries to project softens a little, and her closeness with Jason, her desire to see him again, is emphasized. Platonic or romantic, she definitely cares for him.

“Enough,” Reyna snapped. “Annabeth is what she says. She’s here in peace. Besides…” She gave Annabeth a look of grudging respect. “Percy has spoken highly of you.”

The undertones in Reyna’s voice took Annabeth a moment to decipher. Percy looked down, suddenly interested in his cheeseburger.

Annabeth’s face felt hot. Oh gods… Reyna had tried to make a move on Percy. That explained the tinge of bitterness, maybe even envy in her words. Percy had turned her down for Annabeth. (MOA 24)

 Here’s where there starts being some pretty strong implications that Reyna did actually care about Percy more personally, her romantic offer was for more than just convenience sake. Especially with the ‘maybe even envy’ part. The bitterness could just as easily be from just the rejection, but the envy implies she actively wants what Annabeth has.

“Uh, Reyna,” Jason said. “if you don’t mind, I’d like to show Piper around before the senate meeting. She’s never seen New Rome.”

Reyna’s expression hardened.

Annabeth wondered how Jason could be so dense. Was it possible he really didn’t understand how much Reyna liked him? It was obvious enough to Annabeth. Asking to show his new girlfriend around Reyna’s city was rubbing salt in a wound.

“Of course,” Reyna said coldly.

Percy took Annabeth’s hand. “Yeah, me too, I’d like to show Annabeth-“

“No,” Reyna snapped.

Percy knit his eyebrows. “Sorry?”

“I’d like a few words with Annabeth,” Reyna said. “Alone. If you don’t mind, my fellow praetor.”

Her tone made it clear she wasn’t really asking permission.

The chill spread down Annabeth’s back. She wondered what Reyna was up to. Maybe the praetor didn’t like the idea of two guys who had rejected her giving their girlfriends tours of her city. Or maybe there was something she wanted to say in private. Either way, Annabeth was reluctant to be alone and unarmed with the Roman leader. (MOA 32)

 Reyna did have some things she wanted to go over with Annabeth privately, but with the emphasis on Annabeth being able to tell how much Reyna likes Jason, her reacting coldly to him asking to take Piper around the city, along with the way she snapped at Percy for asking to take Annabeth around instead of stating her refusal more calmly, her reactions strongly suggest that she IS hurting from seeing both Percy and Jason with their girlfriends, that she does have feelings for them somewhat, and is trying to suppress it.

“Long story,” Reyna said. “But I remember you well. You were brave. I’d never seen anyone refuse Circe’s hospitality, much less outwit her. It’s no wonder Percy cares for you.”

Her voice was wistful. Annabeth thought it might be safer not to respond. (MOA 37-38)

 I didn’t pull quotations emphasizing this specifically, but Reyna’s loneliness and the strain she’s under as a commander, especially having been the lone praetor for so long, is putting her under a lot of stress. I think at least part of the reason for her hints of envy towards Annabeth and coldness about Jason having a girlfriend, is derived from her not really having had the sort of support that Percy and Jason currently have, that intimacy, that ability to drop the walls and image she’s built up in order to lead and to protect herself.

“I wanted to hear it from you,” Reyna said.

Annabeth turned. “Hear what from me?”

“The truth,” Reyna said. “Convince me I’m not making a mistake by trusting you. Tell me about yourself. Tell me about Camp Half-Blood. Your friend Piper has sorcery in her words. I spent enough time with Circe to know charmspeak when I hear it. I can’t trust what she says. And Jason… well, he has changed. He seems distant, no longer quite Roman.”

The hurt in her voice was as sharp as broken glass. Annabeth wondered if she had sounded that way, all the months she’d been searching for Percy. At least she’d found her boyfriend. Reyna had no one. She was responsible for running an entire camp all by herself. Annabeth could sense that Reyna wanted Jason to love her. But he had disappeared, only to come back with a new girlfriend. Meanwhile, Percy had risen to praetor, but he had rebuffed Reyna too. Now Annabeth had come to take him away. Reyna would be left alone again, shouldering a job meant for two people.

When Annabeth had arrived at Camp Jupiter, she’d been prepared to negotiate with Reyna or even fight her if needed. She hadn’t been prepared to feel sorry for her.

She kept that feeling hidden. Reyna didn’t strike her as someone who would appreciate pity. (MOA 38-39)

 The loneliness is really apparent here, and very explicit. I don’t think it’s even really about ‘romantic love’, as far as the whole thing with Jason goes, exactly, but... being that high level of priority. Having someone there for you closely. I think she at least thinks that a romantic relationship with Jason, or even Percy, may provide that. And that’s something most people need, regardless of orientation. 

“You see?” Reyna said bitterly. “The spear is thrown. Our people are at war.”

“Not if I succeed,” Annabeth said.

Reyna’s expression looked the same as it had at Camp Jupiter when she realized Jason had found another girl. The praetor was too alone, too bitter and betrayed to believe anything could go right for her ever again. Annabeth waited for her to attack. (MOA 253)

 Between this sudden attack out of nowhere, Jason disappearing and returning with having bonded with these new people, especially Piper, and having ‘changed’ as she said, no longer having anyone around she’s close to... well. She’s just managing as best she can.

In the center of the line stood Reyna, her metal dogs Aurum and Argentum at her side. Upon seeing her, Jason felt an incredible pang of guilt. He’d let her believe they had a future together. He had never been in love with her, and he hadn’t led her on exactly… but he also hadn’t shut her down.

He’d disappeared, leaving her to run the camp on her own. (Okay, that hadn’t exactly been Jason’s idea, but still…) Then he had returned to Camp Jupiter with his new girlfriend Piper and a whole bunch of Greek friends in a warship. They’d fired on the Forum and run away, leaving Reyna with a war on her hands. (HOH 247)

 I couldn’t find much about Reyna’s relationships with others in HOH since she’s barely in the book. From the looks of things, he’d at least believed that Reyna wanted to be with him actively long-term, something which jives pretty well with previous passages concerning Reyna’s relationship with Jason. Makes me curious how exactly they interacted in the past, what went down between them.

Also more emphasis on Reyna being stressed and on her own. That seems to be pretty heavily associated with anything talking about her love life.

So far in the ancient lands, she’d only seen one place on her wish list: Diocletian’s Palace in Split, and even that visit had hardly gone the way she’d imagined. Reyna used to dream about going there with Jason to admire their favorite emperor’s home. She pictured romantic walks with him through the old city, sunset picnics on the parapets. (BOO 75)

 And then comes Blood of Olympus, where we actually get to see Reyna’s perspective, her thoughts, instead of having to infer them from other characters’ perceptions of her. The daydreaming about going on trips with him and explicitly ‘romantic’ walks and picnics seems like she genuinely desired that to some extent. Though I do notice those are pretty cliche desires, so that may also feed into the part of her arc with feeling pressured to perform a certain way, to ‘be’ a certain way, and believing that this is how to find happiness.

She found Thalia’s eyes distracting: electric blue, intense, and alert, so much like Jason’s. (BOO 221)

 Just wanted to note this bit, since she’s paying special attention to Thalia here, especially her eyes. Though I’m iffy about this representing attraction to Reyna, since Thalia’s eyes are often commented on (at least in their heads) and a major factor in paying attention to them seems to have to do with them being like Jason’s, which could account for the focus.

The giant’s eyes clicked and dilated. Red laser dots floated across Reyna’s breastplate. “Ah, the young praetor. I admit, I’ve been curious. Before I slay you, perhaps you’ll enlighten me. Why would a child of Rome go to such lengths to help the Greeks? You have forfeited your rank, abandoned your legion, made yourself an outlaw – and for what? Jason Grace scorned you. Percy Jackson refused you. Haven’t you been… what’s the word… dumped enough?”

Reyna’s ears buzzed. She recalled Aphrodite’s warning, two years ago in Charleston: You will not find love where you wish or where you hope. No demigod shall heal your heart.

She forced herself to meet the giant’s gaze. “I don’t define myself by the boys who may or may not like me.” (BOO 238)

 It just occurred to me that I really have no clue how Orion knows about Reyna’s love life. Like I know Python can provide some intel, but was that detail REALLY that important? 

Anyway, this statement by Reyna, “I don’t define myself by the boys who may or may not like me.”, is an important step in how she relates to romance in general, and in her portrayal in the series, particularly in the Tyrant’s Tomb. Before this a lot of emphasis was placed on her being rejected by Percy and Jason, and of at least somewhat wanting to be with them in some capacity, or at least believing that she did. After this she seems more at peace with herself and less focused on past or present pursuit of relationships for herself.

“Once in Charleston, Venus told me something. She said: You will not find love where you wish or where you hope. No demigod shall heal your heart. I- I have struggled with that for…” Her words broke. (BOO 492)

 Near the end of BOO, she finally talks to someone about this. A lot of people know, but... well, with the emphasis on how alone she is, how she has to keep up appearances, it doesn’t seem like she’s really gotten a chance to break down and talk to someone. I’m glad she got to do it with Piper. And this proclamation, this prophecy, the seeming hopelessness of it that appears to re-emphasize her being alone, along with implying that she’s broken in some way with the reference to her needing to be ‘healed’... I can only imagine how it would torment her.

Reyna rolled her eyes. “If I had a denarius for every time I got that question… Aside from the fact that Thalia is in the Hunters, and thus sworn to celibacy… why does a strong friendship always have to progress to romance? Thalia’s an excellent friend. Why would I risk messing that up?” (TTT 228)

 By TTT she’s had a lot more time to come to terms with her thoughts and feelings about relationships and romance, plus she’s not alone anymore, though the situation is still dire and stressful. While during HOO her being without support and having to manage everything by herself was interwoven with the narrative about her feelings towards Jason and Percy and her lack of romantic relationships, that’s not present here. In fact, it’s the opposite, with her having a strong friendship and having no desire to turn it into something romantic. It seems like those concepts became unbundled, with her having strong support and friendship unrelated to any romance.

Reyna broke a dry branch off a shrub and flicked it into the underbrush. “I went on that quest with Jason, what, two years ago? Venus took one look at me and decided… I don’t know. I was broken. I needed romantic healing. Whatever. I wasn’t back at camp a full day before the whispering started. Nobody would admit that they knew, but they knew. The looks I got: Oh, poor Reyna. The innocent suggestions I got about who I should date.”

She didn’t sound angry. It was more like weighed down and weary. I remembered Frank Zhang’s concern about how long Reyna had shouldered the burdens of leadership, how he wished he could do more to relieve her. Apparently, a lot of legionnaires wanted to help Reyna. Not all of that had been welcome or useful.

“The thing is,” she continued, “I’m not broken.”

“Of course not.” (TTT 233)

 This conception about “being broken” is something aces tend to end up feeling, at least without knowing more about asexuality. I didn’t get it as much since I wasn’t surrounded with as much emphasis on dating and sex as a lot of other people are, so I started figuring out maybe I was different from most other people only awhile after having run across the term; I just figured it was normal to have this attraction thing start up sometime later, like late teens or so, and that I didn’t exactly know what people were talking about anyway so maybe I just didn’t recognize it. By the time I figured out that I probably wasn’t going to develop this “sexual attraction” thing anytime soon I already knew about different sexualities and was able to research the topic to see what best description best fit my own experience. So I’m glad Rick touched on Reyna’s discomfort here. With some of the earlier passages I think she may have come to view herself the same way other people were viewing her, as needing a romantic partner to help her, but now she’s realized that was never really necessary for her; she doesn’t need that in her life.

After this, the whole scene with Lester awkwardly asking Reyna out occurs, and she figures out how ridiculous all this stress over who she should be with is, that it’s not something she needs to force herself to do, to dedicate all this time and energy too.

“My whole life, I’ve been living with other people’s expectations of what I’m supposed to be. Be this. Be that. You know?”

[…]

“But the whole time I’ve been a leader here,” she forged on, “I was looking for a partner. Praetors often partner up. In power. But also romantically, I mean. I thought Jason. Then for a hot minute, Percy Jackson. Gods help me, I even considered Octavian.” She shuddered. “Everybody was always trying to ship me with somebody. Thalia. Jason. Gwen. Even Frank. Oh, you’d be perfect together! That’s who you need! But I was never really sure if I wanted that, or if I just felt like I was supposed to want it. People, well-meaning, would be like, Oh, you poor thing. You deserve somebody in your life. Date him. Date her. Date whoever. Find your soulmate.”

She looked to me to see if I was following. Her words came out hot and fast, as if she’d been holding them in for a long time. “And that meeting with Venus. That really messed me up. No demigod will heal your heart. What was that supposed to mean? Then finally, you came along.”

“Do we have to review that part again? I am quite embarrassed enough.”

“But you showed me. When you proposed dating…”

She took a deep breath, her body shaking with silent giggles. “Oh, gods. I saw how ridiculous I’d been. How ridiculous the whole situation was. That’s what healed my heart – being able to laugh at myself again, at my stupid ideas about destiny. That allowed me to break free – just like Frank broke free of his firewood. I don’t need another person to heal my heart. I don’t need a partner… at least, not until and unless I’m ready on my own terms. I don’t need to be force-shipped with anyone or wear anyone else’s label. For the first time in a long time, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. So thank you.” (TTT 405-406)

I understand her confusion here about whether she herself wanted to be with someone, or whether she felt like she should enough that she forced some facsimile of those feelings onto herself. I suspect that there were at least twinges of genuine romantic feelings concerning Jason at least -  a lot of the focus around romance is in regards to him, and some of her reactions regarding him appeared to be more instinctual to me, like her reaction to him suggesting showing Piper around the city. Now how strong those feelings really were and whether they’d sync up well with a romantic relationship, I’m not sure. Just because you can imagine a relationship being one way, actually experiencing it you may find it’s not for you, that conceptually it’s appealing but not when actually trying to have one.

She doesn’t seem entirely sure of her own feelings as far as dating someone goes either, but she’s letting go of the idea, of the feeling that she needs to figure it out now. She can just... be. 

When I was first trying to figure out what the heck my orientation was, I fretted about it for a bit, trying to analyze my own feelings and compulsions. I thought demisexual or asexual, and as for my romantic orientation... bi perhaps?

Eventually I just... stopped worrying over it. At least all that much. Pretty sure I’m ace, but romantic orientation I’m still unsure of, though I’m currently leaning aro. And even in my twenties, I’m not totally clear on it. And I don’t have to be. Neither does Reyna. If she ends up with feelings for someone, of whatever gender, that’s fine. If she doesn’t, that’s fine too. Maybe she’ll end up changing what she thinks of herself, what she believes her orientation is as she has more experiences. Or maybe she won’t. It’s good either way.

Joining the Hunters decoupled the themes of loneliness, of isolation from HOO with the idea of romantic relationships even more thoroughly. She has that sort of camaraderie with them. She doesn’t need to be strong for them, to be the high leader. She has that support, along with not needing to be responsible for so many people’s welfare and morale anymore, all without any romantic pressure. She can just chill. There’s a reason she regards it as a vacation. And seriously, good for her!

Side note: based on the focus Reyna has on male characters as possibly being viable partners while not seeming to consider any female characters in the same light, even listing Jason, Percy, and Octavian (though I kinda doubt that was romantic) as ones she considered, but listing Thalia, Jason, Gwen, and Frank as people she was shipped with, I suspect that she’s hetero-leaning. It’s hardly conclusive evidence though, headcanon what you like.

#reyna avila ramirez arellano #reyna ramirez arellano #trials of apollo #heroes of olympus #toa #hoo #asexuality #analysis #my analysis

[your-turn-to-role]

since im thinking about this meta again i wanna talk about percy and faith

bc like... by the end of campaign one he's very much fuck the gods, but he wasn't always. (and honestly in several ways he kinda parallels vax but in reverse which is, very fun to talk about, we'll get there)

but like... percy was raised with at least some amount of religious influence. the de rolos may not have been devout worshippers of any particular god, but the town at least mostly worshipped pelor or erathis, pelor's symbol is on the de rolo crest, along with the sun tree, a gift of pelor's, and while we never met him because the briarwoods killed him, the first person percy tried to go to for help in whitestone was father reynal of the church of pelor

(anyone else grow up like me in a christian town and your parents aren't really christian but they sort of feel guilty bc their parents were so you end up going to sunday school every week but your entire perception of it is "here's the place where we get cookies and sing songs" and you know the bible back to front but absorb very little of the actual beliefs? i imagine it's kinda like that)

(but also percy has the added benefit of knowing gods are definitely real in this world whereas my autistic ass was like oh huh these sure are some cool stories!)

anyway, i don't think he strongly believed in anyone as a kid, but he knew they were there, and felt fairly positively about them.

until things went wrong. and things didn't necessarily go wrong where you think they would - percy losing his whole family wasn't enough to make him lose faith, if anything it made it stronger. i'm really intrigued by his one line back in episode 24 when explaining his backstory to everyone - "When I got thrown into that dungeon, I came to the realization that maybe I wasn’t doing this the right way. I wasn’t being responsible, and I prayed to whatever it is I pray to that maybe I would have a sign of what I should be doing, and then there you were."

he's not someone who innately rejects faith. he's too paranoid to ever rely on something so uncertain as gods, he doesn't rely on anyone but himself, but he's willing to hope. in fact, all on his own, long before the briarwood arc, he went down the revenge path, realised it was a mistake, and for what might have been the first time in his life, asked for help. and when vox machina showed up, he trusted that they were who the gods led him to

and then orthax happened, and the realisation that voices in percy's head could be a very very bad thing was just enough to put a crack in that belief.

(which is then furthered by his belief that he is the problem in the world, especially when vex died. how could fate ever be on his side if the tiniest of accidents leads to a disaster like that? three people came out of that tomb changed for good, not just the twins)

episode 57, episode 57 is my favourite for so many reasons, so much happens in that episode. but we'll focus specifically on the visits to the raven queen, because it's one of the best parallels, and really cements the two of their character arcs and where they're going.

vax comes here out of desperation. he's here because of a deal he made after his only family died, and he doesn't know what to expect, but he'll do anything to keep vex from getting hurt. but he's here on the raven queen's command, he comes here during the day, with friends, and the temple's there to greet him. while the experience spooks him, it's overall a positive one.

percy comes here out of desperation. he's here because of a deal he made after his whole family died, and deep down he knows it's too late, but he'll do anything to keep even a single other person from getting hurt because of him. percy shows up at night, alone, and the entire scene feels like something lifted out of a horror movie.

they're both lost and looking for guidance. both have a tendency to turn towards gods for that. but the difference is what vax hears is what he needed to, it reaffirms his position in the world that was on very shaky ground for a while there, and he feels like he has a direction after it.

percy... technically has a direction too, but it's an entirely negative one. i elaborate on this a bit more here, but what he's looking for is any chance that his mistakes might be fixable, any hope of his own redeemability. and the answer he hears tells him no. and in that instant, any faith he had left in gods entirely shatters. he'll respect the faith of vax and pike, to an extent, but this is the moment he really joins keyleth on the "fuck the gods" team, because this is the moment he realises asking for help is useless, he has to solve his problems himself

(and honestly i constantly question the raven queen's motives on that one, because it was absolutely not what he needed to hear emotionally, it sent him back down a very dangerous spiral, but at the same time, all that hopelessness is what actually got percy to start fixing things about his life, because at that point nothing could get worse, so why not try? and her being the goddess of fate had to be able to predict at least some of that. i don't know if i agree with her or not)

i love that vex is the person to get the blessing of pelor. because it represents her being welcomed into the de rolo family, yes, and her connection to all that represents, but also like... if there's one person percy put his faith in after he gave up on gods, it's vex. her confession was the one thing that could convince him to come back when he died. i think about lines like "i'm angry, frustrated, and violent, so i'm going to sit here and drink chocolate milk and do whatever you think is best" or their wedding vows or percy in front of pelor (god of his city and his family and everything that matters to him) declaring that vex is his heart and his judgement and his future

and i think about that scene in the final episode. where percy almost turns to higher powers again, but the absolute darkest of them, because the goddess he hates the most, who's taken family member after family member from him just stole another, and he's desperate enough to burn the world all over again to get vax back. but he doesn't, because vex is there, and it's only then, after everything, years of bargains and deals and gods and devils and backup plan after backup plan none of which mattered in the end, does he finally acknowledge he might not have to do all of this alone

#i just really love percy and vex you guys #i should write more meta about them that's vex centric i've been feeling like the scales are a little percy heavy lately #but this is a point i definitely wanted to make #cr1 #percy de rolo #vax'ildan #vex'ahlia #text #meta #cr thoughts