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#one year again if i dont graduate and that would be the worst fucking thing i hate it here
darling--core · 1 year
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. . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ [ yandere bully ] ˎˊ˗
requested as second highest right after business ceo, here's yandere bully! i'll probably reblog him tomorrow before i publish the 'first time with the yans' post even though i dont think ive ever self reblogged before?? i just wanna make sure u guys know who he is before the big post!! 💕 he doesn't have a name yet either im sorry 😫
as usual, this is a gn post~ this one is sfw but im like 99% sure nothing else involving this guy will ever be sfw unless it's requested lmao.
gn reader x male yandere bully 💕
tws: yandere behavior, bullying/harrasment, he's general a giant asshole, intimidation & threats,
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💌 the yandere bully has known you since elementary school, but the teasing and harassment and bullying didn't even start until around middle school. high school was the worst of it, of course. for you, anyway.
💌 it started because he hated the way you made him feel. he didn't understand it, not in middle school, not high school, not now. your stupid face makes his chest feel tight, when he overhears your laughing it makes him feel hot. you ruin his day every fucking day, so he'll do the same to you.
💌 at first, he was just mean. rude words said in passing, about how your clothes were dumb and your hair was a mess and you voice was annoying. the way you looked at him made his heart squeeze, and that only made him more angry. he didn't like you! it wasn't fair!
💌 he really had no choice but to ramp it up. you just kept reacting to him in the worst ways, making him feel all fuzzy in the head! he hated it. he couldn't stand it. his only hope was to drive you as far away from him as possible (even though the idea of never seeing you again made him feel sick to his stomach).
💌 in high school, it was much more than just snide comments. he would go out of his way to say shit, smack books out of your hands (possibly just to see you bend over and pick them up), slam your locker door as soon as you opened it, break the lock on your locker, shove you if you got to close to him in the halls.
💌 he didn't always mean to do that one. he just couldn't handle you walking that close to him.
💌 plus, he really hit a growth spurt in high school. he got bigger than you by a lot, which really upped his intimidation factor. (while also somehow being a negative; you were so small compared to him now, not as tall or strong. how was he supposed to stop obsessing over how easily he could pick you up? or manhandle you)
💌 eventually, he started stealing things from you. it both pissed you off, and gave him something to obsess over. many of your objects that went missing were destroyed, hidden in a shoe box under his bed. he couldn't handle it, having something of yours. it made him feel too many things he didn't want to feel.
💌 one day, his self control almost completely snapped. you had just looked so fucking good all day, how dare you? by lunch he couldn't take it. he cornered you in the empty hallway outside the bathrooms and caged you up against the wall, leaning down close to snarl at you about how dumb you look in that outfit (translation: please never wear that again, i cant keep getting hard in class.)
💌 he could smell your shampoo from here. this was a terrible, terrible idea. you were so close he could touch you, any part of you, and what would you do about it? fuck, he's going insane. is the room spinning or is that just him?
💌 you're not safe outside of school either. if you run into him anywhere, he'll torment you. mostly because he's afraid of you finding out he was definitely following you, a habit he picked up in sophomore year.
💌 he follows you home, watches you and your friends go out, everything. the whole time he's seething, but can't figure out if its you or the people your with he's more angry at. why can't you just stay away from other people?
💌 if you think you'll be safe after graduation? you're dead wrong. no, by now he's realized that he can't live without you. can barely breathe without you. the lines between love and hate, obsession and rage, are extremely thin, and he's done trying to figure out which side he's on. all he knows is that you take up every thought, every square inch of space in his mind. it's all you, you, you.
💌 so he found out what college you were going to, and applied to the same one. he's a bully, not a delinquent; he gets pretty solid grades, so he can swing almost anything. he'll cheat and lie if he has to.
💌 he'll follow you anywhere if he has to. he doesn't care. you're his, in the most twisted way you can imagine, and he's not letting you get away that easily.
💌 he'll do anything to make sure you never forget him, just like he can never forget you.
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xoxo mazzy @ darling--core 🎀
remember reblogging helps writers & creators! please reblog if you liked and want more content like this in the future💕
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coccyodynia · 11 months
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things:
i went home the other weekend and didn’t steal any pills, as much as i thought about it, so thats kind of cool i guess
i got a very fun and cool tattoo yesterday, its a woman swinging an axe with that line i wrote a few years ago - “i swing and i dont miss”
i am seeing a The Plot In You tonight with justin
we’re planning on hanging out before the show too but the weather is gonna be shitty so who knows, he’ll probably flake out at this point
we’re also planning on going to chicago in a month but im concerned i wont be able to afford it idk. i just stashed away $250 for it but i wouldn’t be surprised if i had to dip into that before then
we’re on okay terms right now. its been a huge rollercoaster as usual but he still wants to keep me around in some type of way i guess bc he’ll respond or say shit like ‘i’m always here for you’
ive been dissociating a lot still but im practicing the skills to get a handle on it
ive officially stopped caring about anything at my job, i just dont give a fuck at all anymore
if i start caring again it will probably kill me, at least considering the rate we were going before 
i had a friend OD twice in the last week or so and im literally just bracing myself to lose another person to fent
its been almost a year without michael now and im still really heartbroken about
i can tell ive started letting my apartment/kitchen get bad again and it’s upsetting me but i feel paralyzed about it
one of my best friends is having a really tough time too and we keep messaging each other little check-ins even though neither of us have the capacity to really support or help the other person in any meaningful way
ive just been way too tapped out lately, and it has been affecting my health for quite awhile
my weight seems to be stable now or at least kinda, i lost 50 lbs and last week for the first time in awhile it didn’t go down when i got on the scale
my parents and grandma all made comments about how they can tell ive lost a lot of weight since i saw them last (6 weeks or so ago?)
my mom has been telling me “youre not eating enough calories” which i think gave me whiplash considering up until now my entire life shes been insistent that i eat too much
my financial situation is really about to get fucked up since im not teaching this summer, so i will lose that income for a few months ($800/month)
im pretty nervous they wont ask me back to teach in the fall bc the head of the department doesnt really like me
i got great evaluations from my students tho! at the end of the semester, two of my students asked if i would be comfortable with giving them a hug and i got emotional
i helped one of my students get into their first gallery show in NY and im just so fucking proud and excited for them
another student had made me a little embroidered camera patch for my bag 
im still very much thinking about applying to graduate/phd programs in the fall
there’s about 5 programs im interested in, but none of them are local so i’d have to move pretty far if i were accepted
im going to re-apply to university of denver for the MA emergent digital practices program
i applied to there in 2021 and was accepted but i wasn’t offered enough financial aid since i applied after the priority deadline so i’ll try it this fall and see what happens
im still dreaming about going to Brown for their digital writing/cross-disciplinary writing and art MFA but it's such a pipe dream
i also found a fascinating phd program at duke but they're not accepting applications this year?
i want to write and photograph more but by the end of the day i am so incredibly burnt out that it seems more like a chore than an outlet
i really wish there was a way for me to just quit my job and take some time off before going into another job
anyway therapy is back to once a week and sometimes 2x a week just depending on how well i handle things
my mom is still being the worst person ive ever met and im really trying to disconnect from her/the family as much as i can
she just spent $500 on a plane ticket so she can go spend a week with the guy she was engaged to in college
she sucks so much and i hate her 
anyway that’s all
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lettersformiah · 2 years
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12:06am, 16 aug
hey bubba. we are in a call right now. the vibes are low, cause i think maybe we are both low. im sorry for that. its late and im not tired, thats new. woo for not being asleep at 10pm, i guess? i love you. i dont tell you enough. i love you. im crying. i love you. youre on val. and i was singing but i stopped. i dont want to annoy you with my singing. its not very good most days.
i was watching the new season of never have i ever. and the last episode. paxton graduates and does a whole speech. everyone expects him to do something fun and stupid because he is hot and the jock of the school. but he doesnt. he talks about how devi showed him that he is more than what everyone thinks he is. thats hes more than he even thought he was. that she pushed him to do hard things, things he was bad at, and that he owes graduating to her. i resonate with it. its a silly netflix show and im not sure youd be thrilled to be compared to it. but,, i think youre my devi.
youre really lovely, you know? and youre too humble and silly to realise just how amazing you are. you were talking today about how you felt like you werent anything in a way, or i guess that you didnt do much and couldnt see how people would like you considering you are just a nice fella at uni.
i owe my life to you. i owe my happiness to you. i owe you all my grades and friends and everything ever. you dont see it, but then again how could you? you arent in my brain so you dont see how much i value you. baby, you met me at the end of one of the worst years of my life. but you met me. and you talked to me. and you kept me going. even for just a little bit, you kept me going. even while we were just friends and a bit goofy and a bit flirty but oh that doesnt mean anything-y. you made me really fucking happy. and of course you did, you make everyone happy and comfortable just by existing. but then, it was more. youve helped me so much and youve changed me so much. im loud with a purpose and with passion and im loud for you. but im quiet for you and kind for you and fast but slow but happy and sad and excited and scared and colorful. i am alive for you. i am me for you. because, i guess, you have found a way to give me being things a reason. i didnt know why i was anything before. sometimes i dont know now. but i know now that one day, ill be with you. ill be with you, laughing and cooking and cuddling. ill be the happiest person on earth. and i cant wait for the day i can see you and you wont be leaving. but, for right now, im just excited that im with you at all. im maddi because youre miah, and i wouldnt have it any other way.
i love you
-mads<3
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180oz · 10 days
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Journal Update - March 18th 2024
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Had an...interesting week!
Ive applied to jobs, yet still no offer. I should be good for finally moving into an apartment during the summertime however it's been very difficult to find a job. I was thinking of selling my art to make sure im atleast at a stable place.
I'm finally officially in my fourth year and i'm to graduate soon. It's very exciting but nerve wracking! I've been in school for 5 years! Hopefully this is my last. <3 I want to start travelling and visiting my japanese and brazilian friends. They were the most genuine people ive ever met in my life, it's sad to say i dont think i've not made friends on that level with who i'm currently around now.
It continues to be shocking to me how...morally challenged a lot of people i know are. Like how hard is it to just do the right thing? To not over exaggerate things that happen or leave important details out to the point were it's deceptive and then let us embarrass ourselves when we start avoiding the people in question? To not lie about things or not tell people important things i trust them with? I've been having this problem with at least 4 different friends of mine that i thought i could trust. It's very very upsetting!
Especially the friend that continues to omit information whenever they are giving us life updates. She is also incredibly flakey because she's made a bunch of new friends and i cant figure out where i stand with her. I understand that she's at a point in her life where she "glowed up" (her words! i think she was fine before, she just looked like an appropriate kid at her age) and is now making other friends now but its really annoying to me how it's always brought up, like "i have plans" , "I have other friends." blah blah blah almost as if she is bragging about it to me. I know how to make friends, lol! The main reason she pursued a friendship with me was because i was a social butterfly and people would stick this "foundation of [insert place we live]" label on me just because i was bubbly and liked to make friends before i had gotten very depressed again and started needing more time to myself. I dont think my downfall should be rubbed in my face, i can easily get back there again once i start feeling better, because it's almost always brought up as if im not struggling to not unalive myself right now! Maybe it isn't intentional, but it still hurts that she keeps doing it.
In addition to that, the one weekend I went out with her (for st patrick's day) she BEGGED me to come out and assumed it would be a small group of us, only to bring her other giant group of friends and kind of ditch us halfway through the night. I felt really bad for the group we play DND with, because this was planned ages ago and they all agreed they would go out drinking TOGETHER. However she completely left us there and didn't ask where we were once during the night. it felt extremely shitty.
Other things happened that night, like finding out that one of my friends told this misogynistic fuck boy that i used to be friends with that i no longer liked him anymore and i TRUSTED him with this information. I hate people so much!
My neighbor however made the night so much better for me when i went to vent to him about it. We built Legos and ate ice-cream and he ordered food for us. It's so crazy because he was one of the people my friend who ditched us for St.Patrick's day caused so much issues with because she OMITTED information about him during an incident they had, so he was iced out by a bunch of people in the group because of this supposed behavior. We actually talked about what happened that night for the first time in ages (we had recently started warming up to each other again after all that) and realized the her story did not add up and basically was manipulated for others to assume he was completely in the wrong, and when we were saying this out loud she just NEVER FREAKING CORRECTED US when people started assuming the worst! I think about that every now and then since we had that talk and i just keep thinking, how can someone let that happen?
I feel like i am potentially making a mistake living with her this summer.
Anyway, I just needed to rant and put everything i was saying on paper. It's just ridiculous how this all played out!
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dentixvoxel · 2 years
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ough no, i have to talk abt my last therapy session even just a little bit to give context as to how i somehow ended up severely dissociating for nearly 24 hours straight (hell) and how posca markers Saved My Ass(tm)
Some long personal rambling below
so we spent nearly the entire session talking about school and such and i really didn't vibe with that since im still having severely complex feelings about the concept of "should/will i graduate this year???" and only towards the very end of the session did i go "hey so uh.... can i get checked for potentially having adhd? my mom's kinda worried abt that". And my therapist seemed very,, reluctant abt it????? bc shes not sure how much the medication would help and it was like getting hit in the face with a shovel like wait what????? when did i mention THAT????? AIEH???? bestie WHAT???? and she said that the tests ive done that got me my autismo diagnosed as kid are also used to screen for the adhd and im like ?????? well????? so i made her go and look up the last time i did one of those tests at the age of 18 to see what it concluded and lmao guess what. the things i scored lower at compared to ye avergae population can be indicative of both adhd and/or autism. My therapist jusy wasnt sure if my struggles with attentuon and memory are the autism kind or adhd kind. Like actually fuck my life. I still asked to be able to do a test again nexy session cuz fuck. My major shock was her basically telling me that since weve done all these tests already, we could just skip the whole UFMING DIAGONOSIS PART and go STRAIGHT to medication.
And then i went and fucking dissociated for 24 hours straight and oh boy those were undeniably one of the worst 24h of my life. I literally kept forgetting and remembering what i had done that day in rapid succession, it was horrible. At one point whilst playing audiosurf i noticed i wasn't even fuckin paying attention to what i was doing and was just autopiloting the game. And then my phone deciding to update without my consent cuz apparently it had died during the night which made me so fucking MAAAAAD. Going to the mall, at a bus stop my brain convinced itself that a completely random woman is a Threat for some reason??? Like i was geniuenly super tense the entire bus ride??? That was extremely weird.
At the mall out of impulse i stopped by an art store i had never gone into before and upon seeing the posca markers i felt like i was suddenly alive again. Like wow i could actually Think again?? Dont do severe dissociation kids, it's evil. When i got back home i must've still looked really off from all of that cuz my mom later told me that she feels like she needs to comfort me but based off of the look on my face.
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bibbawrites · 3 years
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Don’t Get Caught - Owen Joyner x Reader (16+)
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Request: mischievous/playful/giggly sneaking around with Owen on set or evading Charlie in their apartment
Word Count: 3142 words
Summary: You are a makeup artist on set for Julie and The Phantoms and quickly began messing around with Owen, but the fear of potentially losing your job if anyone finds out has the two of you sneaking around and trying your best to not be caught aka 4 times you and Owen were almost caught messing around and one time you were 
Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, implied oral sex, reference to m*sturbation
A/N: hi all! so this is my first attempt at a jatp related fic so hopefully i do okay, sorry for any mistakes, most of this was written and edited from 2am-6am because those are my motivation hours  i also don’t usually write reader insert so fingers crossed i dont mess this up lol. i have a ton of requests to work through so keep an eye out for things coming soon (hopefully)  also, to the person who requested this, sorry it took so long (my dumb ass deleted 90% of it and had to start again) i really hope i did your idea justice :)
1. Makeup Trailer 
The first time you met Owen was on your first day on set. Kenny had dragged the cast in to meet you, and something about Owen drew you in and you just knew you had to get to know the beautiful blonde boy. 
Luckily your chance came sooner than expected when you were working alone in the makeup trailer a few days later. The door opened and Owen came in, smiling brightly when he saw you.
“Hey, you’re Y/N, right?” He asked. You nodded.
“I am.” You replied and he grinned.
“I’m Owen. Nice to meet you, again.” He said awkwardly.
You giggled at his awkwardness. 
“Nice to meet you again too. Sit down.” You gestured to the chair in front of you and he sat down. You got to work quickly, working in silence for a few minutes before Owen spoke up.
“So how long have you been doing makeup for? You look young.” He asked.
“I’ve been doing it professionally for 5 years now. I started working in my mum’s salon when I was 15, and when I graduated I did a course to get me this job.” You told him. He paused.
“So you’re 20?” He questioned, and you nodded.
“I am.” 
“Cool, I’m 19.”  He said, and you hummed in response, concentrating on making sure his face didn’t looked cakey.
“So are you from around here?” You shook your head.
“Nah I moved here from Quebec.” You said.
“Alone? Or with your family or... boyfriend?” Owen asked, the last part sounding slightly bitter.
“Yeah I came alone, my mum is too busy with her salon, and my siblings are still in school. And I don’t have a boyfriend.” You told him and he grinned slightly.
“Good to know.” He muttered quietly. You raised an eyebrow, not quite hearing him properly.
“Sorry?” You asked. He shook his head.
“Nothing.” 
“Okay...” You trailed off, not believing him. “Well you’re all done.”
“Already?” He frowned slightly. 
“Yep.” You smiled.
“Oh. Thanks.” He stood up, pausing slightly. 
“Can I get your number?” He asked, somewhat hesitantly. Realisation dawned on you.
“So that’s why you asked about a boyfriend.” You said, eyebrow raised. 
“Guilty.” He grinned cheekily.
“Give me your phone.” You held out your hand and he placed his phone in it, and you quickly added a new contact, typing in your number and texting yourself from his phone.
“There. I’ll text you pretty boy.” You said, handing him his phone back. He grinned.
“I’ll see you around Y/N.” He said, turning to leave for the hair trailer. You watched him leave with a smile on your face.
A week of texting and flirting later and you found yourself alone with Owen in the makeup trailer again.
“So what scenes are you filming today pretty boy?” You questioned as you began to apply his makeup.
“Why do you always call me pretty boy?” He asked, ignoring your question.
“Because you’re pretty? And a boy?” You said, pulling a face.
“Are you flirting with me?” He grinned, and you raised an eyebrow.
“Maybe.” You said. He bit his lip.
“So if I tried to kiss you you’d say?” He asked, and your heart skipped a beat.
“Eh why not?” You said it like it was nothing but inside you were freaking out.
“Y/N.” He groaned and you giggled.
“Just kidding.” You teased.
“So?” He asked again after a moment of silence. You rolled your eyes.
“Oh my god just kiss me you dork.” Owen didn’t even take a second to think about it, he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his lap, connecting your lips in a less than innocent kiss. Your lips fitted together perfectly, and he tasted faintly of blueberry and spearmint. After what felt like a lifetime he pulled away from you, leaving you panting and wanting more.
“Wow that was...” He was the first to speak, his voice breathy. You nodded.
“Yep.” You said simply. “I should probably...”
You stood up from his lap, and had barely stepped away when the door opened.
“Hey Y/N, one of my lashes came off and... oh...” Savannah’s voice came, the young actress pausing when she saw how close the two of you were.
“Hey Savannah.” You said with a smile. She returned your smile before glancing back at Owen.
“Sorry, did I interrupt something?” She asked. The two of you shook your heads.
“No, not at all.” You said.
“I was just leaving.” Owen added, standing up from his chair. Savannah raised an eyebrow.
“If you say so.” She replied as Owen left the trailer quickly. The door shut behind him and Savannah grinned at you.
“You like him.” She said, her tone teasing.
“No...” You denied. Savannah rolled her eyes.
“You so do Y/N. And I know Owen, he definitely likes you too.” She told you.
“If you say so.” You said, grabbing a new fake lash to fix the missing one.
Savannah grinned. 
“Oh I know so. You’ll see.”
2. Julie’s Bedroom Set
“Come on Y/N, what’s the worst that could happen?” Owen had said as he dragged you through the filming lot towards the set of Julie’s bedroom. You had been heading off to grab some lunch when he had intercepted you and asked if you wanted to “hang”, which by this point you knew was code for hide somewhere and make out for a while. You had originally said no, but those darn puppy eyes had made you say yes before you even realised you were saying it. 
“What if someone catches us?” You had questioned, but Owen silenced your worries with a blistering kiss that left you breathless. 
“We’ll be fine.” He muttered as he pulled away. “Don’t stress.” 
“Famous last words.” You muttered, allowing him to pull you back in and kiss you again. You ran your fingers through his hair, knowing that he would have to have it fixed up before his next scene anyways. 
It had been a few weeks since that first kiss in the makeup trailer, and since then you had learnt the taste and feeling of Owen’s lips on yours, a feeling that was now so familiar to you that it felt like second nature. 
You mindlessly kissed him back, thanking your past self for deciding to use your favourite chapstick flavour, choc mint, on him earlier that morning when you did his makeup for the day. 
You pulled away to take a breath and he grinned at you. 
“I’m glad we met.” He said. You blushed slightly.
“Me too.” You agreed.
He pulled you back in and kissed you again, this kiss more passionate than the last, and you shuffled closer to him, your lips never leaving his for a second. You could feel his hands resting on your waist, his tongue in your mouth, the scent of his cologne filling your nostrils.
Suddenly you heard a noise and you pulled away quickly, the fear of being caught overpowering your feelings for Owen.
“Someone’s coming.” You said quickly. Owen frowned.
“What?” He questioned.
“There’s someone coming.” You repeated and his expression changed to fear.
“Fuck, what do we do? Run?” He asked and you nodded.
“Yes.” 
He grabbed your hands and pulled you up off the bed, linking your fingers together before dragging you off the set, the both of you giggling the whole way back to his trailer.
“It’s kinda fun, almost but not quite getting caught.” You admitted once the two of you were curled up on the couch in his trailer.
“It is.” He agreed. “But do you know what’s even more fun?”
“What?” You questioned.
“Making out with you.”
And if Owen went back to set with the taste of your orgasm on his tongue that was for only the two of you to know. 
3. Owen and Charlie’s Living Room 
You had just finished some finishing touches on Savannah’s makeup when Owen burst into the makeup trailer. 
“You’re all done.” You told Savannah and she grinned. 
“Thanks Y/N.” She stood up from the chair. “See you later. Bye Owen.” 
She glanced between the two of you, before turning and giving you a quick wink as she left, leaving you and Owen alone in the trailer. 
“So?” You spoke, beginning to pack up your brushes. “Why are you here?” 
“Well you see, I’m finished for the day and I checked your schedule and you are too, and I was wondering if you wanted to come back to my place to watch a movie and chill or something.” Owen spoke, plopping himself into one of the chairs and spinning around. 
"What about Charlie?” You asked, placing your brush bag into the large drawer of your makeup supplies. 
“He’s filming the Perfect Harmony scene with Madi. We’d have the place to ourselves for at least a few hours.” You paused, considering his offer. 
“Okay.” You replied simply. He cheered. 
“Are you ready to go now?” He asked, standing up, and you nodded. He grinned slightly, pulling you in and kissing you softly. 
“Hi, by the way.” He whispered once he pulled away. You rolled your eyes playfully. 
“Let’s just go.” 
You somehow managed to make it off set and back to the building where most of the cast and crew were living without anyone noticing the two of you together.
“What floor?” You asked as you hopped into the elevator.
“6.” He replied, and you pressed the button, riding in silence to his floor. He took your hand, pulling you towards the apartment he shared with Charlie, unlocking the front door and dragging you towards the couch.
“So you mentioned a movie?” You said once the two of you were settled. Owen nodded. 
“I did, what do you wanna watch?” He asked. 
“I actually have a better idea.” You grinned, climbing on top of him, straddling his waist.
“Oh I see.” He replied, grabbing your top and pulling you down to kiss you roughly.
It felt like no time had passed at all when suddenly the front door unlocked.
“Fuck.” You said, jumping off him quickly and settling onto the couch next to Owen, pretending as if you’d been there the whole time. Charlie entered the room, frowning slightly when he saw you sat on the couch.
“Y/N? What are you doing here?” Charlie questioned, throwing his bag onto the chair. 
“I.. Um...” You stumbled. “I was just leaving.” 
You stood up quickly, thankful that the shoes you wore were slip on’s. 
Charlie eyed Owen carefully as the door shut and Owen shrugged.
“Should I ask?” Charlie questioned. Owen shook his head.
“Nope.”
4. Owen’s Bedroom 
After a couple of close calls on set and in the living room, the next time you came over you and Owen went straight to his room.
He laid down on his bed and you climbed on top of him, kissing him instantly.
“God you’re perfect.” He muttered, lips and tongues combining in a mess of passion and lust. Owen pulled at your shirt, tugging it over your head, and you did the same for him. His lips trailed down your neck, sucking gently to leave a mark.
The front door opened and Owen groaned.
“Shit, is that Charlie?” You asked. He nodded. “What do we do?”
“Uh... get in the closet.” He suggested and you giggled, grabbing onto your shirt so Charlie wouldn’t see it if he came in.
“Owen? You here?” Charlie called, and Owen dragged you into the closet, pulling the door shut behind you.
“Shh.” Owen whispered. You tried to hide your smile.
“I didn’t say anything.” You told him, and he rolled his eyes playfully. The door to Owen’s room opened and the two of you froze, bodies pressed together.
“God I hope that’s your phone pressed against my leg.” You whispered after a moment. Owen pulled a face in the darkness. 
“Uh... no.” He replied, and you giggled awkwardly. 
“Don’t laugh, this isn’t funny.” He whined.
“It is funny. We’re trapped in your closet waiting for Charlie to leave and you still manage to be turned on?” You questioned with a giggle
“I can’t help it when someone as attractive as you is pressed up against me. Plus you don’t have a shirt on so...” He trailed off.
“Oh yeah?” You pressed yourself against his body more forcefully. Owen groaned quietly. 
“Fuck, stop it.” He muttered. You smirked. 
“No.” You whispered, and Owen placed his hands on your waist. 
“Y/N...” His voice was low, and just the sound of it sent flutters through your stomach. 
“Owen...” You replied just as quietly. “Before you ask, I’m not gonna fuck you in a closet.” 
“Why not?” He whined. You rolled your eyes. 
“You shouldn’t even have to ask that question.” 
The front door slammed shut and Owen let out a sigh of relief, pushing open the closet door. You stepped past him and made your way over to the bed, Pulling your shirt back on before sitting down to pull your shoes on. 
“Wait where are you going?” He questioned, pouting. 
“Back to set, I have a job to do, remember?” You reminded him, tying your laces on your left shoe before reaching for the right. 
“Can’t you call in sick?” He tried. You raised an eyebrow. 
“From my lunch break?” He shrugged. 
“Food poisoning?” 
“Owen.” You gave him a look and he groaned, flopping onto the bed. 
“Fine. But what am I supposed to do about this?” He motioned towards his crotch. You stood up, grabbing your phone, and walked towards the door, pausing before you exited the room. 
“You have a hand. Use it.” And with that, you left. 
+1. Owen and Charlie’s Kitchen 
It was a day off from filming so you decided to have a lazy day. It was almost lunch time when you woke up, and you would have slept longer if it wasn’t for your phone ringing obnoxiously from its spot on your nightstand. 
You rolled over, grabbing the phone and answered without even checking the caller ID. 
“Hello?” You spoke, voice full of sleep. 
“Good morning, Charlie has gone for a hike, wanna come over?” Owen’s voice came through the phone. 
“Sure, why not. Give me half an hour to have a shower and get changed.” You replied, already climbing out of bed. Owen cheered causing you to smile slightly. 
“Awesome, I’ll see you in half an hour.” He said. “And don’t eat anything.” 
“Okay.” You replied, and before you could even say goodbye he had hung up. You rolled your eyes, throwing your phone back onto the bed and grabbing a simple outfit of a crop t-shirt and shorts out of your wardrobe, before heading into the bathroom to get ready. 
25 minutes later you were knocking on the door of Owen and Charlie’s apartment. The door opened, revealing a shirtless Owen, and you had to stop yourself from checking him out as he let you in. 
“Any reason why I wasn’t allowed to eat?” You questioned, following him down the hall into the kitchen. 
“Because, I thought we could make pancakes together.” He gestured to the pile of ingredients sitting on the counter. 
“How domestic. Didn’t realise we had become a married couple.” You teased, and he blushed slightly. 
“I just thought it would be fun.” He defended, and you placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
“It will be. And delicious.” You agreed.
He grinned, grabbing the ingredients. 
“Let’s get started then.” 
Somehow you found yourself sitting on the counter, eating the batter while Owen cooked the pancakes. 
“There!” Owen exclaimed, flipping the last pancake onto the plate he had gotten out. “All done.” 
He turned to face you, his smile turning into a look of concentration. 
“You have a little something...” He said, positioning himself between your legs. You paused, waiting for him to move. Slowly he lifted his hand, running his thumb along your bottom lip.
“Much better.” He muttered. The two of you were still, a stand off to see who would make the first move. You leaned in slowly, connecting your lips in a soft kiss.
It was as if the first brush of your lips opened the floodgates. Owen grabbed onto your thighs, dragging you forward, and you wrapped your legs around his waist, the pancakes long forgotten.
You tangled your hands through his hair, moaning slightly when you felt his hands on your ass, and he took that as an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.
You were so caught up in each other that you didn’t even hear the front door open.
“Hey Owen, I forgot my-” Charlie’s voice came, stopping abruptly as he took in the scene in front of him.
Owen stepped away from you quickly, but even if Charlie hadn’t seen you kissing, it was obvious what the two of you had been up to.
No one blinked. Finally, Owen broke the silence.
“You were meant to be hiking all day.” He said, somewhat defensively.
“I forgot my phone, so I came back for it. I figured you’d be on the couch where I left you. I didn’t realise you’d be...” He stopped, focusing his attention on you. “Hi Y/N.”
You waved awkwardly.
“So...” Charlie looked between you and Owen. “Am I pretending I didn’t see this, or...” He trailed off. 
You and Owen shared a look before nodding.
“Just for now, at least.” You said, and Charlie nodded.
“Got it. Well, have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Oh, and if you have sex on the kitchen counter please clean it afterwards. I eat off that thing.” He winked at Owen and before either of you could respond he had left the room.
“Sorry about him.” Owen sighed slightly.
“You didn’t know he’d leave his phone. Besides, now we can hang out here together and not have to worry about Charlie walking in on something he doesn’t know about.” You replied, and Owen grinned, leaning in to kiss you again.
You had just started to find a rhythm in kissing again when a cleared throat broke you apart.
“Dude!” Owen exclaimed, glaring at Charlie who was leaning against the wall, grinning cheekily.
“Just wanted to say goodbye. And warn you that I’ll be back at 3, so make sure any... activities-” He winked suggestively. “Are done by then.”
“Get out.” Owen glared at him. Charlie grinned, turning to leave quickly.
“Bye Y/N!” He called back as he left.
“Bye.” You called, giggling slightly.
Owen rolled his eyes as the front door shut behind Charlie. Focusing his attention back on you he smiled slightly.
“Now where were we?” He questioned, pulling you back in and connecting your lips again.
And if you did end up having sex on the kitchen counter, Charlie would never have to know.
659 notes · View notes
thompsborn · 3 years
Note
do you have any spare ironhusbands or sambucky headcanons?
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY
oh my god okay i’ve been so fucking wrapped up in both ironhusbands and sambucky and absolutely nothing else for WEEKS because of tfatws (obviously if you have seen my endless spam of reblogs but can you BLAME ME) and the portal closed has ironhusbands so i’ve been just. oh my god i am happily drowning in this and them and i do not need nor want air. ok.
also these are all hc’s based just in canon not au, and lol warning this got so long help me, though my brain is so scrambled from tfatws finale that all sambucky thoughts are scrambled and jumbled so i wasn't able to coordinate them as well as ironhusbands so the ironhusbands section is definitely longer pfighf i'm so sorry i'm like this
ironhusbands:
when they met at mit tony didnt know shit. like. like nothing. he didnt know a single god damn thing about anything. like he was a genius he could solve any equation given to him and baffled professors when he was handed like two supposedly impossible equations to this fuckin fourteen year old and he just looked at them with like a mcdonalds burger or some shit hanging out of his mouth and just answered them no problem, but he was still such a hopeless idiot, and rhodey, also a genius attending as a sixteen year old, had to teach him the basics of life, like. making toast. tony how do NOT know how to make toast. its TOAST. you put it in the TOASTER. have you NEVER SEEN A—OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU FUCKING CATCH IT ON FIRE—
he does not perfect the clearly impossible task of making toast until he is 17 and rhodey buys him a cake to celebrate the momentous occasion even though tony went though 528 toasters
you are gold by the national parks. thats it. thats all i have to say. listen to the song and look up the lyrics. you’ll get it.
and also paper planes by jon bellion but specifically for after rhodey tells tony he’s gonna join the air force and tony is worried but doesnt know how to show it and they have like a chill night in and all tony can think about is how stupid he is and how he’s such a coward because he cant get himself to tell rhodey that hi!! i love u!! and im scared to lose u and that you’ll get hurt and maybe die or smth!!
when rhodey finds out about how tony was raised (going with mcu, where tony wasnt physically abused but more emotionally neglected and ignored by howard and always talked down to and compared to others and wasnt treated like he was worthy and never was told he was loved and everything like that) he gets PISSED. like he is MONUMENTALLY angry. and it takes YEARS for him to find out about this too. and it actually puts a bit of a strain on their friendship for awhile when they meet too
like rhodey knows about the starks obviously and he assumes tony is going to be this obnoxious arrogant rich boy asshole and is so not looking forward to being roommates but he was raised to have an open mind and give everyone a chance, but tony was raised to be wary of everyone and keep his walls up and his emotions in shackles because whatever he shows can be used against him, so they clash, you know? they dont fight or anything but theres tension bc it isnt right and they dont get each other.
rhodey tries to be nice and tony doesnt understand nice because his only example of nice is jarvis and his mom and even then his mom and jarvis are always off with his dad so he barely sees them so its still rare for him to experience the nice of them so he doesnt know how to be around someone nice all the time, and so he gets defensive and thinks about how howard drilled it into him to be wary and he thinks maybe rhodey isnt ACTUALLY nice but someone PRETENDING to be
and rhodey starts to feel justified in assuming the worst about tony stark because tony is all cold and distant and rude and is about to stop the keeping an open mind thing about a month into their first year but then he comes back to their dorm early from class one day and tony doesnt come in so rhodey is just standing there and watches for a minute as tony sits there staring down at his twenty sixth attempt at a letter he wants to send his mom becauss he knows his mom likes letters even though he could just call but they havent really called him (howards fault but he’s fourteen still and its hard to rationalize that howards busy life and controlling thumb extends past his son) and rhodey is just confused because tony just suddenly sighs and sniffles a bit and murmurs “this is so stupid” and crumbles up the paper and throws it in the garbage and rhodey cant help but peer into it and barely sees the words hey mom scribbled at the top and that. that. hm. okay.
so rhodey keeps trying because he wasnt supposed to see that but he did and now he kind of has a feeling that maybe tony isnt all that cold and distant and rude as he seems, maybe he just doesnt really know how to be any different, so he thinks about all the subtle little ways that his family has shown him they care about him and starts to invite tony to go get food or to study together even though neither of them really need to study or to help each other with assignments or just anything thats mundane enough to not raise suspicion but still starts to open the door and make tony relax around him just that little bit and then before tony realizes it the end of their first year is there and theyre like friends or something and it hits him that he’s gonna miss rhodey.
for the first time ever there’s someone other than his mom and jarvis that he’s actually going to miss.
rhodey grins at him and says that they’ll be roommates again next year because they have to be and that the summer will be over before they know it and the sentiment is nice but tony spends the summer alone wandering around a house too big and empty after being in a dorm that’s small and has a friend.
but rhodey doesn’t know this. like he knows that tony isn’t the kind of guy he originally assumed but he doesn’t know that he’s literally ignored and neglected and like emotionally and sometimes verbally abused so he’s kind of surprised when the next year begins and they DO end up being roommates again (because tony kind of asked his mom, on a rare day when he got to see her and howard wasnt around, to get mit to make sure they could be) and tony just HUGS him like its been years and they’ve known each other forever but he goes with it and hugs him back because maybe tony’s just more affectionate once he gets to know someone and rhodey is okay w that.
they get closer as the years go by and they graduate from mit together and they’re BEST friends and at the end of the year rhodey invites tony to spend new years eve w his family but tony cant bc howard is having some kind of gala starting at 5 because hes weird and dumb and tony hates it and he also isnt given the option of not going even though he doesnt want to but the entire way there howard drills into him about not fucking up and berates him for all the times he has in the past and when they get there tony is already just not feeling it so he’s like nope!! no!! i simply cannot!!
so he goes in and finds an exit thats in the back and he leaves and finds a fucking payphone of all things and he has rhodeys home number memorized for years now and he calls and someone he doesnt knoe answers and theres music in the background and voices and tony’s entire stomach is in his throat and his heart is sunken into his twisted gut because he just wanted one night where maybe he could smile next to his parents and feel like he fit with them but he couldnt have that and he asks to talk to rhodey and then he is and asks if its too late to accept his invite and rhodey is like yeah of course do u need my address bc its still only 5 pm and its a 2 hour drive between south philadelphia and manhattan so he’d make it with plenty of time before it got to midnight so yay
and tony is like. oh. hm. i dont know how to drive actually. that was a thing that no one ever thought to teach me even though i asked about it about ten million times. and rhodey is used to tony not knowing how to do things that most people their age can (see: the toast) and plus its not uncommon for people from new york to not drive anyway so he doesnt think anything of it and instead asks for tony’s address to come pick him up instead and they’d still make it back by like 9-9:30 so that would work too
and thats when tony is like. well.
about that.
he might be calling from a payphone.
on a random street corner.
and its kind of raining. and he’s cold. and he’s a bit dulled out from everything so he doesn’t really think about the fact that admitting this is going to lead to having to explain what happened and also why and that is happens often. but that doesnt matter because he kind of just wants to be with his best friend and not back at that gala with his dad right now.
rhodey is like,,, ok. ok. wheres a coffee shop nearby u can wait in. and tony thankfully is by a 24 hour one and tells him the name and the street corner its closest to and rhodey is like i’ll be there asap and tony goes and he waits.
a two hour drive turns into an hour and a half because rhodey is Worried™
but when he walks in tony goes from being all dulled out to being all HOLY SHIT because rhodey has a SPLIT LIP and he’s like WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHAT THE FUCK WHAT
and rhodey’s like no no its good my uncle was having fun and trying to wrestle with me and he accidentally elbowed me its all good man dont worry about it
tony isnt used to accidentally being hurt tho so he’s still like hmmm but he takes rhodeys word on it and they head out and tony wont say what happened or why he was calling from a payphone ?? which btw tony literally only was able to do bc there happened to be dropped change on the ground because boy would not have change on him ok, but rhodeys like alright lets go with this for now
so they gets to the rhodes house and it is in full swing with family and extended family and adopted family bc they are 100% the family that just adopts the neighborhood kids and the people who have no one else and like ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends even after the relationship ends bc they still are family despite not dating whoever it was they had been dating in order to be introduced to them so its a LOT of people and tony is like. this is semi familiar in terms a lot of people but this is NOTHING like what he has ever seen before holy fucking SHIT
rhodey is just like oh u have a small family then? so ur used to smaller gatherings?
and tonys like wtf are gatherings
and rhodey is starting to get a feel for what might be wrong but just takes tony inside to get him changed because he’s not spending new years eve at the rhodes house in a fucking expensive suit ok
tony is completely out of his element and like he’s not the only white guy there bc again the rhodes adopt people and those people are of every race and nationally you can imagine but he just isnt used to the vibe there are people laughing and sitting close together and playing games and theres music playing but not like classy music its music people can dance to and are dancing to and the food isnt the food he’s used to at galas and shit and nothing is what he’s used to and he just sticks to rhodey’s side like a fucking lost puppy and tries his best not to look like an idiot when rhodey introduces him to people and a lot of them know who he is but dont judge him or assume shit about him bc obviously if he’s friends w rhodey then he’s a good guy and they want to know him and thats enough
but tony is v overwhelmed bc what the FUCK IS HAPPENING this is nothing like anything he has ever experienced EVER
so eventually rhodey can tell he’s getting overwhelmed and takes him inside and lets him have a breather and then asks him about whats going in and thats when rhodey learns about what tonys life at home is really like and. anger.
SO MUCH anger
because not only has every single assumption he has ever made about tony been proven wrong, but now he knows that the best person he knows has never been treated the way he deserves and has never known a true home and comfort and love and safety and
and he’s gonna fix it
and this is the first step
so he takes tony back out and they’re still just friends but this is the day they both quietly realize they might kind of definitely like each other as more because tony is still so confused by the fact that what he knows isnt the normal and overwhelmed by how much there is and how different it is but rhodey holds his hand as a grounding point and whenever it might be too much they move off to the side where they arent completely gone but its less hectic and a bit more quiet and its just nice
tony goes to rhodeys house for every holiday despite whatever howard says
rhodey decks howard the only time they ever meet before tonys parents die and he has the most shit eating grin on his face afterwards that tony cant help but lose his shit laughing his ass off
anyway i didnt mean to ramble for so long about that specific idea so i’ll end the ironhusbands ramble with this one last thought, which is as follows:
rhodey gets hurt in the air force at some point, and it isnt that bad tbh but he does have to go the hospital and shit and gets stitches or whatever idk i dont know what specifically happens i just think it’d be just bad enough that it takes him a few weeks to be able to go back to work but he’s not like OH GOD HURT yk?
but like stated above tony was scared and worried when rhodey told him he was gonna go into the air force so he hears about this and they’re probably like almost 30 at this point because they’re dumb and it takes them forever to get their heads out of their asses (i say this even though in the portal closed it takes them even longer but i digress) rhodey has like his mon his sister his niece visiting him and they were worried but they know hes fine so theyre just talking and in a good mood and then—
door slams open. tony stark enter stage left. disheveled suit, fresh from a meeting he definitely was not supposed to leave, having flown in from maibu the second he heard and then had happy drive him and then got impatient because of traffic and ended up sprinting like ten blocks while happy was like what the FUCK
of course rhodeys family are well aware that these idiots are desperately in love with each other so they’re just like lol ok and just leave the room while tony starts fretting over him like he’s about to die himself if he doesnt know if rhodey is okay and rhodey is like tony tony dude tones stop tony im okay tony stop it
until finally tony just fucking breaks down like full on tears in his eyes voice cracking hands clasped as he leans against rhodeys bed and tells him that he was so scared and he is so scared all the time whenever rhodey is out there because all he can think about is losing him and him getting hurt or dying and it’s maddening and this is when they get their heads out of their asses and kiss for the first time
(irony at its finest bc later when they are married and tony becomes iron man rhodey refuses to not have a suit of his own because if tony is going out there in a metal flying tin can then he isn’t going alone and wow what a power couple)
sambucky:
firstly i’m going to go post tfatws, but i’ll make a bullet point before going into it so if you wanna read up until that point you can but most of this will be random little headcanons based post tfatws
also it isnt like a whole plotline thing like the ironhusbands ones ended up being these ones are more random and kinda all over the place but loosely connected
update from after writing this: i lied
let me start by saying my interpretation of why they are the way they are in civil war is because of steve
thats not saying steve is the bad guy i mean to say that they’re jealous of each other because they thought that THEY were steve’s best friend who the fuck is THIS guy i dont want him here go away
children. they are children.
which i find very funny to imagine from sams pov because he literally is a licensed therapist and would 100% recognize why he’s acting how he is but he’s petty enough to do it anyway
and also he literally was helping steve track bucky down but i like to imagine that sam didnt think they’d ever really find him again and it’d just make him and steve like super mega best friends or something because hes a CHILD
and then from bucky’s pov steve goes through all this trouble to find him and protect him and then this random guy is acting like steve’s best friend and gets to sit in the front seat ??? bullshit. absolutely bullshit. worst thing ever. so stupid.
its so funny to me okay its SO funny
its like that schoolyard thing where your friend makes another friend and you hate it so much that you do something stupid like color on their drawing or put gum in their hair or whatever but they’re adults with 1. super soldier serum or 2. a superhero reputation/avengers status and suit with wings. so thats a thing.
post civil war i dont think they get much yk. because bucky is out in cryo and team cap is on the run and i doubt theyre able to return to wakanda much, if at all, and then it’s infinity war and then it’s endgame and after endgame there’s the aftermath and the aftermath is a mess
i like to think they have some moments before tfatws though. not many but enough for that slight foundation thats we can kind of see in episode 2 yk.
okay NOW it gets into post tfatws so!!
SO post tfatws everything is different because now they not only have spent all this time together, but they understand each other in a way that they didn’t before. in a way no one ever has. not even steve, who may have known them before, but he isn’t here anymore and he wouldn’t understand who they are now vs who they were before and it’s different.
bucky finds comfort in sam’s home town. sam finds comfort in watching bucky find a home there and he doesnt know why.
also sam treats redwing like a puppy and lets him fly around on his own and gets pet and stuff and bucky acts annoyed but the longer it happens you can tell he’s like “oh my god why is this thing endearing”
bucky has nightmares and sam knows this but bucky doesnt know that sam also has nightmares until one night when they’re still in sams home town and they’re staying on the boat because sams nephews are having a sleepover with some friends and they didnt want to get in the way or smth idk i just want an excuse for them to be on the boat and somewhat secluded from people but bucky already woke up from his nightmare and is out on the deck to get some fresh out and then oop
sam havin a nightmare too
because fucking of COURSE sam has nightmares he has been through some shit too!! not being able to catch riley and everything that happened since meeting steve and thanos and he turned to dust alone in the bushes ok like yes everyone that died were traumatized undoubtedly (peter my baby boy baby im so sorry that you got the worst of it) but bucky was around people but sam was laying on the ground and probably just watched his hands as he disappeared and he was alone and like. jesus christ ok.
and then steve trusted him with every weight and everything that comes with the shield not knowing how much more the shield has when he gave it to a black man and just like he has nightmares everyone in marvel does its a fact
but bucky finds out like this and he is shocked even though he realizes he probably should have been able to guess that this is a thing and he knows so much more about sam now than he ever did but this is how he learns more. he learns about riley. he learns so much.
sometimes bucky has those like “oh shit” moments where he’s like “maybe i was kind of a dick to someone who didnt deserve it” and he already had one of those with sam about the shield but he has another one because he assumed shit about sam when they were being all childish and jealous about someone else being friends with steve but like fuck
steve and sam probably got it
the not catching someone. the way it felt to try and to reach out and to miss and to have to choice but to watch as they fell.
what’s different is that steve got bucky back. he got to have that relief, eventually, even if there was the pain of knowing bucky had been taken by hydra, but at least he knew bucky had made it.
sam didn’t have that. riley didnt make it.
therefore, bucky has his “oh shit”
and bucky was already going soft around the edges with sam (as clearly seen in the last two episodes of tfatws, ESPECIALLY the finale because like did tou SEEZ ALL THE HEART EYES oh my GOD) but it’s this that really makes something in him melt and he just. he loses the last remnants of whatever tension or resentment or whatever negative feeling he may have been clutching onto.
there wasnt much left. but now theres none. now its all washed away.
its gone, and he gets it.
sam is a licensed therapist and he knew the reason he was being all dumb and childish and jealous with bucky was because steve had another best friend but also because steve’s other best friend was the guy that had been a big factor in how him and steve understood each other and how they bonded and it
it had kind of felt like they lost part of that when they found bucky again in civil war and he kind of wanted to blame bucky for it even though he didnt actually blame him at all so all it translated to was that dumb kind of jealous thing instead
but now it’s just them. its sam and bucky and it isnt steve and it isnt about steve and it shouldnt be because its about them. its about the boat and the water and the way they sit and watch the waves while the silence settles over them and the way that bucky says, “im sorry.”
its the way sam says, “me too.”
and bucky says, “you dont have to be.”
its the way they stay there until sarah comes to get them for breakfast and sams nephews convince them to play with them and their friends and the world is still shit and there is so much to do but
but its this and its them and that can wait
it can wait
they can take their time if they want to
maybe they’ve earned that much, at least
(it isn't a fast development because they're a complicated pair and there's so much to the two of them that need to figured out individually before they can even realize how well they work together, but the steps are so much easier knowing that they have the other in their corner and bucky knows that sam's home town is a place he's welcome to go and sam helps him make his own dreary little apartment into something that feels real and tangible with a bed and a couch and when they've become something that resembles stable and they've found a balance and they're okay, that's when they realize that maybe they can try for the more that sometimes bubbles under their skin and that they started to think about the more they spend time together. the warmth that sam feels every time he sees bucky playing games with his nephew and the smile that bucky has to fight to hide and still can't fully suppress when sam stands tall and proud with the shield in its rightful place, and it takes time, it takes work, it takes carefully placed bricks to build the foundation they need, but they get there, and when they do...
when they do, they're already happy, and it just makes them happier, and that's what makes it so much better.
that's what makes it worth the wait.)
40 notes · View notes
moonlit-imagines · 4 years
Text
Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling
Peter Parker x sibling!reader
warnings: bullying mention, blood mention
a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm
prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling
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peter and you were playful kids
you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him
but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more
peter was a genius, we all know it
he was the one helping you with your homework most nights
“peter i cant do it!”
“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”
“can i say a cuss word?”
“sure”
“math is shit”
you would cry during homework a lot
you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours
and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed
peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo
you’d play action figures together
he was batman, you were robin always
“can i be batman?”
“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”
“but i wanna be batman!”
peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard
and he’d pick you up on his way home
on half-days your brother taught you how to skate
you fell a lot
aunt may had to patch you up
“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”
peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him
you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!
being his photography assistant
really you were his assistant constantly
science fair was the most boring day of the year
“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”
*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*
you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead
it made you very mad but it was scary, too
“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”
“oh, you know, just happened”
“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”
“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”
lonely when he moved onto high school :/
but you got there soon enough
you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer
just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama
“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”
“uhh, a coke?��
you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt
you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes
“what the hell, parker?!”
“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”
peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed
trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you
sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)
*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”
“which one of them is it this time?”
the principal’s office was a trip sometimes
you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded
“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”
“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”
no you fuckin dont lmaoooo
it was always something with you two
like always
*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”
*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”
“is that my jacket?” -peter
“you mean my jacket?”
“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”
“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”
and then there was just the little annoying things
“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”
*clicks pen faster*
“you’re the worst”
and my personal favorite
“peter, open the door”
“why?”
“emergency”
*opens bedroom door* “what?”
“aunt may is making meatloaf”
“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”
peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say
soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them
he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp
“YOU SNUCK IN??”
“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”
soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen
“peter??”
“yeah? whats up?”
“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”
“it happened to you, too??”
“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”
yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house
it was an adjustment to say the least
and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset
you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt
maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words
peter was covered in his blood still
“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”
when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room
then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out
peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers
sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you
“we match?”
*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”
ah yes, spider-team
you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter
peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you
you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out
“uh—peter punched me”
“y/n???!!!”
“I PANICKED”
just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky
seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst
peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes
“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”
“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”
he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES
yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this
but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him
“thats my brotherrrr!!!”
cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)
you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off
he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time
seeing harry osborn again after YEARS
“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”
“aww, it’s good to see you, too”
electrooooo
this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock
you and peter weren’t equipped for that
it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that
and several other problems
including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own
*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”
*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”
you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad
“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”
*thumbs up to show youre still alive*
but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen
he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried
“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”
she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed
“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”
he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this
the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time
he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while
“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”
“love you too”
you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up
“im coming with you”
“you’re sure?”
“yeah, im sure”
(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)
taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //
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rhysismydaddy · 4 years
Text
365 Days Epilogue (Feysand)
Because @hizqueen4life asked me to. 
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
______________________________________________________________
Day 365, 7:42 PM
~Rhysand~
Rhysand was in his office, looking at reports from one of his casinos downtown when his phone rang with a text. 
Feyre Asterra: When are you coming home? 
He grinned and texted back Soon. 
He’d been planning the night for a while and wanted it to be special. It was their first anniversary, and he couldn’t wait to finish what he was doing and go home to his wife. Apparently, she couldn’t either. 
Feyre Asterra: Not good enough. 
Before he could analyze that, a loud thud came from the hallway outside his office. Which was strange, because he’d cleared the building over an hour ago to work alone. 
A gun was in his hand instantly, and he prowled toward the door, wondering who was trying to die tonight. He ripped it open, then leaned out to glance down the hallway. Empty. 
He cocked the gun and went off in the direction he’d heard the noise come from. Only to whirl around as he heard almost-silent footsteps behind him. 
It was too late though, because something hard connected with the back of his head and darkness swept in to claim him before he could fire a shot. 
~
When he woke up, his hands were tied above his head and his eyes were covered with a thick blindfold. He was on a surprisingly comfortable seat, but the comfort was minimal, seeing as his legs were bound, too. 
He tugged on the ropes holding his wrists and ankles, unsurprised to find them not at all loose enough to get out of. 
Shit. 
Rhysand had no doubt someone would find him, but this was bound to be unpleasant in the meantime. It was probably someone he’d wronged in the past or a rival gang leader trying to take out the competition. Either way, pain was inevitable. 
He’d hold out for as long as he could and pray Cassian or Azriel would find him before the worst happened. 
He heard footsteps walk up to him, his muscles tensing in preparation for the blow. 
It never came. 
Instead, he felt someone drop onto his lap, thighs straddling his waist. His eyebrows shot up behind the blindfold and his mouth dropped open as Feyre leaned close to his ear and whispered, “Happy anniversary, Rhysand.”
~Feyre~
The look of pure shock on his face had to be the highlight of her life. 
It took him at least a minute to compose himself, then he demanded, “You fucking knocked me out?”
She shook her head even though he couldn’t see it. “No, that was probably Cassian.” A sigh escaped her. “I told him to be careful.”
“Hold on. You had my best friend kidnap me from my own office?”
He sounded a little incredulous, even though that was obviously what had happened. “No, I had your best friends kidnap you from your own office. Azriel was involved, too.”
Rhysand’s jaw tightened. “I’m going to kill them. Take the blindfold off.”
“No.”
She was suddenly very, very glad he was tied up. “Ferye, I swear, whatever you’re doing, it’s the opposite of romantic. When I get out-”
“Oh, I beg to differ. You seemed to think it was pretty funny a year ago when you had the same two idiots kidnap me.” She put her hands on his shoulders, and he opened his mouth to respond. 
Then the plane started to move, and his entire body went tense. “What the hell is going on?”
She had to work to repress a giggle. Her husband really hated not knowing what was going on, apparently. How shocking. 
“We’re going on a honeymoon. Someone never took me on one, so I asked the pilot to take us somewhere special.”
He paused his complaining to consider that. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll find out when we get there.”
“This is absolutely ridiculous. It’s my plane.” He shook his arms again. “Let me out of these.”
“It’s our plane, actually. And no.”
To keep him from complaining more, she leaned forward and kissed him. He opened his mouth, so she swept her tongue in, loving how in control she was. 
His arms pulled again at the ropes, and she grinned. “I’m not letting you loose yet. And I’m not telling you where we’re going. You’re completely at my mercy.” She kissed him again softly. “Might as well get used to the idea.”
Her husband’s jaw was still set, but he didn’t look mad anymore. Feyre knew it would be difficult for a man like him to give up control. That’s why she hadn’t given him a choice. 
Plus, she’d never payed him back for having his friends kidnap her from her bed all those months ago. 
Besides, she was enjoying herself. And if he bulge pressing against her thigh was any indication, so was he. 
So she pressed herself against him and kissed up his neck, stopping to tug on his ear. 
The plane was going faster now, and as they started lifting off into the air, she reached in between them and palmed him through his slacks. 
“Feyre.” His voice was rough with lust, but it still sounded like a warning. 
“Do you want me to stop?” she asked, hand still on him. 
He shook his head immediately. “No, but I want my fucking hands free.”
She made a humming sound, faking consideration. “Not yet.”
Feyre knew the second she united him, she’d be the one on her back, begging him for...
What a wonderful idea. 
She unbuttoned his pants, then slipped her hand inside. “I mean, I’ll stop if you want me to.”
His body was tight, jaw clenched tightly. “Don’t stop.”
Smiling, she kissed him deeply, then pulled her dress up on her thighs. “Give me control, Rhys. You know you want to.”
He was trying to move his hips, but his binds made it impossible. After a few minutes of trying, he gave up and stilled. “Fine.”
Feyre smiled as the leader of the mob, and an undeniable alpha male, finally admitted he was powerless. She kissed him softly, then positioned him against her. 
“Beg me,” she demanded sweetly, holding herself right above him. 
He growled, and she knew there’d be hell to pay when she untied him. But she didn’t exactly care at the moment, because from between clenched teeth, he murmured, “Please.”
She sank down, and both of them groaned. Their lips collided as she started to move, and it was such a rush to have him like this she almost came.
It wasn’t like she’d never been on top before, but it was different for him to be the one begging. Normally, he drove her half insane before claiming her, and it was sugary sweet to finally do the same to him. 
The plane continued to soar as they moved together, faster and faster. 
Rhysand threw his head back against the seat, and she licked the column of his throat, making him groan. “Fuck, baby.”
Bracing her hands on the wall behind them to get better leverage, she kissed him wildly, both of them suddenly desperate. 
She felt release start to build up in her and knew she was close. As her legs started to tremble, she leaned down and murmured in his ear, “Come with me, Rhysand.”
Both of them moaned, and she smiled as she kept moving until both of them were a boneless pile of limbs.
Then she pulled the blindfold off, smiling down at him victoriously. 
“Devious woman,” he murmured, violet eyes full of amusement, even though he was still tied up. “I had a whole romantic evening planned, and you go and kidnap me.”
“My plan was better.”
She could tell that if his hands were free, he’d be shrugging. “Maybe so. Will you untie me now? Please?”
Feyre grinned at that word, then reached to grab the knife Cassian had given her for her birthday. “Um, don’t move.”
“Oh, God.” Her husband looked nervously at the knife, then pressed his eyes shut. 
Careful not to cut him, she cut his his hands free, then leaned down to do the same for ankles. After turning his wrists a few times, his hands settled on her hips. “Where are we going?”
Now that he was free, she knew he’d get the information out of her one way or another, so she gave in. “Paris.”
He nodded, leaning back to study her face. “How long have you been planning this?”
“Three weeks, but I only involved Cassian and Azriel yesterday. Cass can’t keep his fat mouth shut around you for more than twenty-four hours.”
Rhysand laughed, knowing how well it was true. Then he leaned to press a kiss on her neck, just below her jaw. “You know, kidnapping is a felony.”
She was aware, considering she’d graduated from law school three months ago. But she still asked in a playful tone, “Really?”
“You might have to bribe me with some insane arrangement so I don’t report you to the police.” 
That devious twinkle in his eyes made it impossible not to grin back. “Like what?”
He shrugged, hands sliding across her hips to her backside. “A year of marriage might do the trick.”
Even though their marriage had started with such a bargain, it had grown into so much more. So she repeated the exact thing she’d said to him a year ago. “So my options are to go to jail and become a disgrace to my family, or marry a mobster?”
“Pretty much.”
Feyre leaned down to kiss him, murmuring, “I guess you have a deal, then.”
He smiled against her lips. “Happy anniversary, wife.”
“Happy anniversary.”
______________________________________________________________
I didn’t keep the tag list, so I just copied it from part 3. Sorry if it doesn’t work!
@rapunzel @bamchickawowow @wesupremeginger @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @hizqueen4life @exciting @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @sleeping-and-books @negativenesta @burritowithfeels @sis-it-dont-add-up @mockingjayusa @aelin-is-my-heart @awesomelena555 @thekeytohappiness-is-you @a-bit-of-a-cactus @aesthetics-11 @keshavomit @b00kworm
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standarrow · 4 years
Text
abbacchio essay under the cut because he’s so important to me (god this is so long im sorry i have adhd i hope this is readable<3)
tl;dr being on how i think he healed and handled up until part 5 :”) + thoughts on his relationship to the team
tw!!! for all of the usual things that pertain to his backstory including: [death, alcohol abuse, police, ptsd/depression, etc]
i may be projecting<3 its fine
to start:
im not a fan of the way a lot of people handle handle abbas trauma and illness. the "entering a relationship fixes your problems<3" shit. or the romanticization of depression...i see both a lot, along with utilizing his substance issues as like a catalyst. i dont have to say why that shit isnt ok or healthy.
getting into it (because i want it to be this deep):
there is ... a lot of guilt that he shoulders around the death of his partner. someone he was friends with (and relied on him as a literal partner) died because He fucked up. that person wanted to protect him and died selflessly while he'd broken his own morals and he feels like it should have been him to pay for it. 
but he wasnt. and now he suddenly has two mistakes and blood on his hands. getting fired doesnt even Begin to fix that, so he withdraws because he cant trust himself, cant trust the institution he was already disillusioned from, and imo hes angry that he didnt get punished worse for his own crimes (but cops always get off easy)
bruno finds him in the worst place of his life and gives him a chance to put schedule in his life, to protect even if its not in the way he originally thought he would. he still doesnt trust himself, i do not think he takes to working with a partner easily (what if he fucks up again. he'll get bruno/narancia/fugo killed.) and i think that reflects in why moody blues isnt meant for combat. combat = danger. 
obligatory moody blues being an allegory for his trauma and ptsd surrounding the death of his partner.. constantly haunted by his own mistake and reliving that moment. heavily referencing his wish to redo, to know every detail of that prick he let bribe him that killed his partner, to have Control. because abbacchio isnt really about The Moment -- he's making sure the Moment doesnt have a chance to come to fruition. its nipping it in the bud before the weed can kill. he wants to make sure he can figure out whats going on First and protect. to figure out past events and prevent future danger.
starting to heal:
i’ve done a timeline previously: he graduates high school in 1998, six months for the police academy, 6 months before hes out again.. joins passione in december (rainy season) of 1999, and by december of 2000 (~4 months before part 5) hes like.... well. doing better in terms of his alcoholism. we see abbacchio by part 5 occasionally and seemingly comfortably enjoying a glass or two, which speaks that after some time working hes sort gained some..... confidence in his ability to keep his intake low. 
working for bruno means he cant drink as often or binge as much, hes needed and that structure keeps him in check, its not easy and yes he slips but its about and overall upwards climb because any progress is good progress... he builds a rapport with the team, comes to appreciate brunos role in giving him a chance and some peace of mind, sees himself in fugo, treats narancia like a little brother. relationships with others cant Fix your problems but friendship and structure can help, they can be there when you need it.
hes starting to trust himself more. and his relationship to fugo and nara were as crucial as his one with bruno is.
in purple haze feedback we see that he's been teamed up with fugo, and he knows fugos stand ability very well (see mirror man fight)... they Get each other and abbacchio sees a lot of his anger and distrust at himself in fugo, and easily calms fugo down when he gets upset (see mirror man episode in the car) 
fugo helped him trust himself and others more .. that other people arent Fragile and arent going to die on him every time they get into danger and its not His fault. he relies on fugo and vice versa. the kid is powerful but also a smart tactician and extremely capable. they Get each other and it helps abbacchio trust himself in combat situations and helps calm his paranoia about getting someone killed while working ... and nara is just sunshine. hes an annoying little brother but it helps him retain normalcy. some sense of like. not everything is doom and gloom
his depression and general self? depreciation perhaps doesnt leave him because those kinds of thoughts mould your brain a certain way.. they dont just go away without some work. but perhaps time with bruno helps him start to realise his worth, the way the team appreciates him and his ability. his self consciousness can start to fall away a little bit. i think by the time december of 2000 (a year after his recruitment by my timeline) hes like... a lot more comfortable with the schedule of his life, it helps him get out of bed, gives his brain a structure to latch onto. the responsibility of overseeing the younger ones and helping bruno gives him the sort of hope for this original goal of wanting to protect
@ bruno (in a more romantic sense perhaps + why i think he distrusts giorno so much)
his relationship to bruno isnt fucking “godlike savior<3″ because thats.... needless to say Very unhealthy. 
their relationship doesnt reach a point by where i think Either would even want to enter a relationship until about a year in (~4 months before part 5 begins)... theres a certain uncertainty i think bruno has with wanting to help abbacchio, he respects and cares about the other man and canonically sees him as his senior.. and i think theres a certain wall there that bruno isnt sure he wants to try to knock down, meanwhile abbacchio isnt sure when he built those walls but theyre safe (and what happens if you try to reach out?)
i think they sort of fall into it and its not... planned. its a little impulsive but it feels natural and they help each other because bruno is this comfort to abba, is the reason he has this structure and has made this progress himself and hes not....crediting it all to bruno obviously but bruno did play a Large Role. and bruno is all about little white lies, appearances. Yes hes fine. Dont worry, he has things under control. 
and i think to an extent abbacchio knows of brunos softer spots (as does fugo, bc of the reason he and fugo team up as described in phf is to protect him) but abba doesnt realise to the extent that bruno is .... hiding his real fears. brunos a lot about compartmentalization (hi zippers) and being let into brunos internal... thoughts beyond the occasional worries he mightve shared is a big step for them. bruno buries a lot of his internal problems and worries. he has to. hes got to keep moving, keep working; people rely on him... but abbacchio is the person he doesnt feel like he needs to protect because theyre equals and maybe he can let someone in to shoulder his worries and vice versa. theyre partners.
which is why i think abbacchio initially distrusts giorno so much... its not tht he doesnt trust bruno, but bruno doesnt Tell him about this. he realizes he might not know all brunos fears (specifically @ his distate and hate towards the mafia i made the point about in the bruno isnt evil post where its like.. he Couldntve shared that information, otherwise he would endanger abbacchio)
and it scares him. it freaks him the fuck out because he doesnt understand who this kid is or why bruno trusts him so much but he trusts bruno so he goes with it, even if he doesnt Understand.
anyways thts my TEDtalk ty i love you for reading this if you got here<3
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ultraqrk-a · 3 years
Text
tw: suicidal thoughts, covid mention, swearing, 'drama'
I didnt want to come to this, yet here I am, making a post about it. last night, it was a mess. i had to stop everything and go lay down at the things that were happening on my dash + discord groups. I'm not even going to edit this post beside the under read more thing because I'm tired of it. my mental health this year was not the best, in fact I'm pretty sure it was the worst year for me since I could remember. now, I dont want people to feel sorry for me because that's literally not the point of the post, I want people to understand why I'm I'm this post and the things that will happen in the future, but either way I'll explain myself because I feel the need to and wont forgive myself if I don't. I'm sorry if this comes out as 'manipulative', but its literally me just opening up:
last night, it was what kicked it for me. seeing friends argue and just spread things across the dash that I really dont want to mention again, since I want to leave it behind; they completely broke me. well, I didnt want to mention it, but that's kind of what triggered me so much, after all. I started to feel bad the moment I felt something was off, and I just had to leave. I tried to calm down and think clearly and not let my emotions get to me because I wanted to help, I wanted to do something other than what I ended up doing. I was talking with friends at the time, in fact, basically only a few people know what I was going through. unfortunately, not to the whole extent, as I was literally already feeling bad for even bothering them with what i thought. that, and it was bad:
this year, I've lost many irl friends, due to covid( not one died, but I meant figuratively ) and the quarantine. we've lost contact completely, but even then I was already losing them due to personal reasons that i wont mention in this post, since they arent really important at the moment. but that's the main reason why I joined the rpc again: to make friends, to not be so alone anymore. and I made friends, met wonderful people in here that I love to talk to whenever I can, or whenever I have energy to. because I'll be honest, I simply am not able to keep up conversations for long anymore, and that's totally my fault. the whole quarantine thing really fucked me up on that matter.
last night seeing people that I care about go so....against each other, let's put it like that, made me literally sick. I threw up my dinner last night to the point that I was throwing up water only. I cried for basically 4 hours straight, because the thought of losing friends and being forced to choose a side was literally fucking me up completely. my mom likes to call me a sponge: because I absorb the energy that is around me, good or bad, and let it out and end up 'cleaning' the place. if that's the case, I hope it helped someone.
I thought about 'unalive' myself in the beginning of quarantine, when my parents divorced and due to their argument and just how big it was. I thought about it again the moment I couldnt pass my exam, therefore not being able to graduate and literally having to deal with the thought that my friends would leave to university and we would fall even more apart. I thought about it again TWO WEEKS AGO when i was almost kicked out. and i really thought about it again last night, because the literal emotional and physical pain and sickness I was passing through and feeling really wasnt worth it. yet, I didnt because I'm too selfless. I thought about my pets, sisters and the rest of my family, and my friends. I was able to calm down enough to think about it clearly, and grabbed my inhaler the moment I felt my asthma kick in- but, without literally apologizing for what I was about to do before. and just the fact that I even saw that as a valid option, for even just a few minutes, it scares me.
I'm too sensitive and emotional for this type of thing, that's just how I am: or maybe I'm just too nice of a person. either way, I cant help it. I'm almost 19, I shouldn't be literally having grey hairs or losing it because of the stress I felt this year. I shouldn't even have to make this post about how I feel, and I clearly shouldnt even have to feel sick as I write this. yet I truly want to know what people think, and again, that's just a part of who I am I guess.
I already am looking for a therapist, have been for the past couple of months. but because of covid, it's been really really hard to find one that wants to take in new clients( some are scared of catching the virus if they gain new ones ) or even in my city in general.
so, with this whole thing I have decided to stay completely neutral. both sides have made valid and bad points, and I'm too tired to care right now- I literally felt sick trying to choose, to the point that I once again thought about something that I'm sure would scare anyone. and I know I inevitably will lose friends one way or another. I'll be remaking everything: my blog, will drop probably most threads, redo my carrd, my discord. just about everything. I need to get rid of what's stressing me out.
my blog, when I remake it, will most likely be friends only, and I'm not even sure I will be up for events for a while at this point. hell, I'm not even sure I want to continue with the hunger games, but I will surely finish this one to try and make everybody happy again. that's the least I can do when last night I couldn't do anything.
I'm really sorry it came to this point, but for once I really need to think about myself first. if you like this post, I'll know you want to stay my friend.
thank you all - sónia.
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richietoaster · 4 years
Text
As I Am, You Understand
reddie
words: 2,217
playlist
AO3 LINK
me writing tooth rotting fluff impulsively and posting at 3:30am? more likely than you think
READ BELOW IF YOU DONT MIND IT BEING UNFORMATTED 
-------------------------------------------------------------
Richie has a date. It’s not his first date, but it’s the first time he’s felt alive in a long time. He makes sure to shower double the time he usually does, scrubbing his body with his dad’s Sandalwood and Eucalyptus bodywash, and, fuck it, he even conditions his hair too.
He feels like he’s in a movie and that’s how he knows he’s got it bad. Richie dances in the shower using the bottle as a microphone to sing loudly. He feels ignited- on fire. Honestly, it’s a surprise to him that he’s going on a date. To the fucking carnival. What kind of teen movie is this? Richie will be going to college with the love of his life type of shit? Actually, he thinks, that’s not a bad idea. 
Richie doesn’t want to think about college, to be fair. He got accepted into UCLA, the best university ever, but all his mind consists of golden brown hair and eyes, consists of his best friend, the love of his life, and-- quite frankly, he’s not sure how Eddie said yes to a date with him. Him. Out of all people.
Richie looks over to his friends at the lunch table and throws a fry at Stanley’s face. “Any you fuckers goin’ to the carnival?” He says as Stan steals another off of Richie’s plate for payback. They’re all waiting for Eddie to get his lunch and come sit with them.
“Yeah, this weekend.” Bev responds, “Ben and I are going on a date.”
“Well, good for you for finally figuring out your feelings. It only took, what? Since the eighth grade?” Richie smirks at them. He supposes he’s not one to talk, since everyone under the sun except Eddie himself, knows about Richie’s crush on him. 
“You are not one to talk,” Mike says with a pointed look. 
“Y-Yeah,” Bill agrees, “Why don’t you ask Eddie to go with you?”
“Yeah, ask him on a date.” Ben shrugs. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“The worst?” Richie asks incredulously. He counts on his fingers, “Well, one, he could say no. Two, it could make him uncomfortable. Three, he might never talk to me again. Four, he could say no. And, five, he might never fucking talk to me again.”
Stan rolls his eyes, “You’re being dramatic. Just ask him, Rich. I’m positive you’ll get the answer you want.”
Richie shakes his head, “No, nope. Mhm-hmph. I am not asking Eddie.”
Everyone’s eyes go wide, staring right past Richie. Richie feels goosebumps on his arms immediately, because oh. Oh no.. That can’t be good. 
Richie turns around and focuses his gaze on Eddie, who’s looking at him with a confused expression.
“Ask me what, Rich?”
Richie turns around to look at his friends for help, but they all exchange glances and get up to move to another table. 
“Thanks, you guys. Yeah, love you too!” Richie calls after them. 
“What was up with that?” Eddie asks, sitting down next to him, setting his tray on the table.
“I-.. Shit..” Richie breathes out a shaky breath. “I.. I.. we were talking about the town carnival this weekend.”
“Oh.. yeah, I heard it’s gonna be really fun this year.. But what does that have to do with-?” Eddie cuts himself off, and Richie can see the second it clicks for Eddie. “Richie, were you going to-?” 
This time Richie cuts him off.“N-Not like that! I mean- or- or- unless you wanted to of course? I don’t know, I figured it could be fun- like the two of us! We always have fun together. And.. And like recently it seemed like things might be feeling different between us- like- like- I don’t know, like-” Eddie covers Richie’s mouth with his hand.
“Richie. Ask me.” Richie’s eyes widen. Eddie removes his hand from Richie’s mouth.
“Eds, will you be my date to the carnival this weekend?” Richie gulps, almost afraid of this just being a cruel, and very unfunny joke. Except, Eddie’s smiling wide, and straightening up.
“Of course I will, you big dummy.” He stands and picks his tray up. “I wasn’t planning on staying long, I actually wasn’t going to even stop by the table.. but I wanted to see you guys. I have to go to the library to work on a project, but..” Eddie bites his lip and Richie really feels like he’s in a cliche movie. “I’ll call you later?”
Richie can barely process what just happened, so he settles by answering with a weak nod. 
“Great!” Eddie has a faint blush rising to his cheeks. “I’ll.. call you later, then.”
Richie watches Eddie walk away, and once he’s out of sight, he’s fist pumping the air. 
And now it’s an hour before they’re supposed to meet and Richie’s heart is booming in his chest. Honestly, Richie feels like the world’s luckiest guy. Like, for real, how the fuck did he score a date with his best friend in the entire universe? The cutest boy in mankind? It’s completely unreal, if anyone were to ask him. 
Richie arrives ten minutes early and sits on the wooden fence to wait for Eddie. He told Eddie earlier that he could come pick him up, but Eddie insisted on meeting up- claims it would be aesthetic, like an eighties movie. The cheeseball. 
But as he checks his phone each passing minute, before he knows it, it’s almost an hour. And he’s about to leave, accept that it was in fact, a cruel and unfunny joke, but he hears his name being called out.
“Rich! Richie!” He can hear Eddie sounding out of breath as he gets closer.
“Did.. did you fucking run here?”
Eddie puts his hands on his knees to breathe easier and nods, “I.. I couldn’t find my phone.. Was gonna text you and.. tell you that I’d.. I’d be late…” He inhales deeply a few times after struggling to complete a sentence. Eddie finishes, “but I couldn’t find my phone.. And then my mom was yanno.. Sonia-ing it up..”
Richie stifles out a loud laugh, “Sonia-ing it up?”
“Yeah!” Eddie chuckles. “Her being like ‘don’t go out Eddie, air is bad.’ shit like that.”
“Air is bad..” Richie repeats and continues to laugh. Eddie grins at him and takes Richie’s hand, threading his fingers between his own.
“I’m glad I got you laughing.” Eddie admits.
“Why wouldn’t I laugh at that?” 
The two walk in together, immediately going to the ticket booth and buying just enough to ride every ride if they wanted to. But their first stop is to the cheese fries. 
“Because,” Eddie shrugs, finally responding. “I was afraid you’d be upset that I was late. I didn’t want you to think that I was-”
“-standing me up?”
“Yes, exactly. But, you know that wasn’t the case, now.” 
“I’m not mad, Spaghetti. Can’t be mad at someone as cute as you.” Richie winks and Eddie’s face flushes.
“Yeah- actually, that reminds me- when did you start liking me? Because I’ve been literally pining over you for.. for.. At least freshman or sophomore year.” Eddie leads them both to a table nearby and they sit together.
“Hah,” Richie says, “I got you beat by at least a year or two. I’ve been in-” He coughs, “I’ve liked you since 8th grade when I accidentally made you trip in the hallway going to science class. You picked yourself up like it was nothing, and just smiled at me and said, ‘you’re lucky I like you’ with that little huff you do when you’re either annoyed or embarrassed.”
Eddie does the exact huff that Richie’s talking about and says, “I do not do that.”
Richie smirks at him.
“Oh, fuck off.” Eddie pauses and looks up at Richie through his eyelashes, and Richie thinks for a split second that Eddie might be debating on kissing him, but instead he continues, “I never expected in like, my wildest and probably wet dreams that you would ever like me back. But you were just babbling on and on at lunch and it just.. It just clicked for me. I figured if I didn’t help you out, you’d have a fucking stroke, so, there’s that. You’re welcome.”
“Okay first of all- wet dreams, huh? You have wet dreams about me, do you?” Eddie pushes at his shoulder and chuckles. “Okay, okay!” A quick pause. “And second of all, I wasn’t gonna have a stroke, thank you.”
“Oh, no. You definitely were. And then you had the audacity to be like ‘but it can be a date if you want it to be’ like? Have you not been with me in the same situations the past two weeks? I swear.. We both almost confessed feelings multiple times.” 
“When we were in your bed a few nights ago, your head was on my chest and I was actually terrified you were gonna wake up to the sound of it beating so loud.” Richie tells him, “You have no idea how badly I wanted to kiss you then.”
“I think I have a pretty good idea, actually.” Eddie admits. And then they’re both quiet, staring at one another, not sure if they’re supposed to make the first move or not. The moment passes, and Eddie stands up, the empty box of fries in his hand. “I’m gonna throw this away real quick.”
“Yeah, no, go ahead.”
And then Eddie’s returning seconds later to grab at his hand, “Come on, let’s get in line for the Ferris Wheel.”
Richie groans, “But the Ferris Wheel always has the longest line!”
“Stop complaining.”
“Fineeee,” Richie says.
“You’re so dramatic,” Eddie laughs. “Speaking of which, are you excited about UCLA? I know it must’ve been hard picking your major. But I’m glad you went with Theater. You’re an amazing performer.”
Richie is silent for a minute. He was really hoping they would stay away from the topic. He’s terrified of the future. “I.. thanks, honestly. It’s.. It’s so weird, you know? That graduation is literally in like, a month. We have the summer.. Together.. And with our friends.. But then everyone is off to college. It’s kinda scary, Eds. Don’t you think?”
“Well, not really, since we all got accepted into schools in California. I think it’s pretty great. We’ll be closer than you realize. And.. I’ve kept it from you for so long, but.. I got accepted into the University of Southern California.” Eddie smiles softly at him.
“Eds.. holy shit, that is literally like a twenty minute drive from UCLA.. did you fuckin’ plan that?”
“No,” Eddie laughs, “But it is super convenient, right?”
“Don’t think for a minute I won’t be spending every second I can with you. You won’t be able to get rid of me.”
“Next!” The ride operator interrupts their conversation and holds on his hand for the tickets, which Eddie hands him.
They get in the cart and the guy slams the cart’s gate shut, locking the side. “Keep your arms, legs, hands, and feet, inside the car at all times. Have fun.”
They stay quiet for a few minutes, two times around the Ferris Wheel, and then Richie speaks.
“I was actually afraid you guys would like. I don’t know. Want better friends than me in college.”
Eddie looks at him, “Rich, you know that’s absolutely crazy, yeah? We could never want to replace you.”
“That’s not what I said,” Richie grumbles.
“It’s what you meant.” Eddie retorts. “But that would never happen. We’re all gonna have the time of our fucking lives in California together. Crashing each other’s dorms parties-”
“-you’re gonna be a pariter? Yeah, okay, right.”
“New school year, new state, new me!”
“It’s not New Year’s, Eds.” Richie chuckles.
“Might as well be. Anyway, the point is we’re all gonna be together.. and.. And most importantly,” Eddie links their fingers together, “We get to be together.”
“Aren’t we together right now? I mean-” The Ferris Wheel stops and they’re at the very top. “Do you want to be together? More than friends?”
“Finally you’re getting the hint.” 
Richie chokes on his own spit. “Well, I- me too. I want that to.”
“Good,” Eddie rests his head on Richie’s shoulder. “Then that’s what we are. Together. Boyfriends.”
“Boyfriends.” Richie breathes.
“And it’ll be better when we’re out of buttfuck Derry, and in literally one of the most beautiful places in the world.” Eddie says. 
“Good.” 
“Good,” Eddie agrees, “because like I said, you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon, Rich.”
“Well, then I don’t plan on going anywhere, so I guess you’ll just have to get used to the fact that I’m gonna be in your future.”
Eddie pauses for a moment, lifting his head off of Richie’s shoulder, “Well.. then, here’s to the future.”
Without missing a beat, Richie looks down and tilts Eddie’s chin up. “No.. Here's to right now,” and leans down to press a soft kiss to his lips, Eddie’s hand reaching up to cup Richie’s cheek. Their mouths move slow and in sync together.
And, yeah, their future may be important, as graduation is slowly approaching and college is nearing closer, but so is this moment.
This moment is the start to a beautiful beginning; their beginning. 
-----------------------------------------
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kewltie · 4 years
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grumpy vet!katsuki is annoyed at animal lover!izuku who keeps bringing strays into his clinic because this isn't a fucking rescue but he never stop helping izuku care and find a home for every one of them. worst yet is that he can hear the voice of animals and they're like,,, pls mate with the cute human.
katsuki doesn't remember when it first started for him, but he'd always heard them. the animals are noisy bunch of fuckers with A WHOLE LOT OF OPINIONS and katsuki wouldn't say he love them but hearing their voice, knowing their pain and joy, he understands them better than he get humans. there isn't any pretense with the animals. they are what they are and they love, hate, and cry just as fiercely as any humans even though katsuki thinks they're simple creatures. he always been closer to the animals than other humans because they stay true to him. so yea he doesn't love animals but he finds himself relating to them more than his own species. it's not surprise that he became a vet because he get to work closely with the animals that kinda fuck up his life since he cant have any normalcy anymore so they're stuck with each other lol
izuku have always been fond of animals and they have always been super fond of him back. it's mutual love all around even though izuku def can't hear their voices but growing up izuku was heavily bullied and harassed and his only friends were stray dogs he met whenever he walk to/from school.  his bullies called him in mocking tone 'snow white' because the fact that izuku always attracting animals around him and whenever he go anywhere birds fly circle above him and animals have a habit of finding him. it's freaky. IZUKU WAS WEIRD so he finds comfort in animals rather than human because they don’t care or judge him. Animals can be simple like that.
while katsuki takes his strangeness and ability and turns it into a flourishing business because he's not going to let anything fuck him over; katsuki owns his power and isn't ashamed of it one bit. he just wish the animals talk less because they think they know BEST even more than him lol.  take for example his lack of love life because he's sooo busy at his private clinic and doesn't have time for others. as soon as he had graduated vet school, he poured his money and opened his own clinic because katsuki was never going to be alright working under someone and he want to do things his way.  now that his business is stable and he got several other vets (his friends from vet school) working with him, he has more free time but still finds himself working at the clinic on his day off because he's uh a bit of a workaholic?? also because he thinks human relationship is a complicated, annoying, and just UGH/o\.
his animals that AREN'T HIS PETS exactly but stay year round at the clinic because they're deemed unadoptable for normal shelters because of their special needs (i.e. blind, deaf, etc) so they constantly harassed him to find a 'proper mate' and produce 'offspring' already because he's wasting good sperm… lol  they legitly dont understand how a virile male like katsuki haven't found a good mate yet and katsuki REALLY REALLY would like them to stfu up with the nagging because he already got it from his friends and HIS PARENTS and now he's getting harassed at work by his own fucking animals.
his animals are actually a bird with one wing, a three legged dog, two cats (one blind and the other deaf). no matter what katsuki say, THEY'RE HIS PACK and they absolutely loves him. Some were surrendered by their owner because it was too much work taking care of a special need animal while his pack like the dog actually came from a fighting ring and got his leg broken by another. the two cats were from abusive households, and the bird was abandoned by her owner when she lost one of her wings. they're mix matched bunch of mistfists with nowhere else to go but katsuki took them in anyway. he said it's only UNTIL HE FIND THEM A NEW HOME, but they never leave him sobs. THEY LOVE THIS GRUMPY ASSHOLE. katsuki understands them and doesn't care if they're lil broken and damage and he's so, so good to them even though he's so MEAN ABOUT IT LOL.
so yea, they want more than anything for katsuki to be happy!!!!! for them that's mean finding a good mate and having babies because that is guaranteeing his future, but few humans can put up with their beloved katsuki,,, until izuku comes rolling into the clinic with a dog hit by a car of course.
izuku has no pet insurance and he doesn't even have any money to pay the pet fees because he's actually unemployed right now. he went through various jobs of all kind but because of his 'unique deposition' animals constantly flocked to him and made it chaotic when he's on the job. he was eventually was fire/asked to leave because it was inconvenience to them and though izuku finds it extremely hard to only last a month or two at his new work everytime, he never blame the animals for being the source of the problem because they ARE HIS HAPPINESS, HIS ENDLESS JOY.
it also made it harder izuku to have a 'normal' life when izuku would often drop everything to help any kind of animal in need. a lost pet, an injured bunny, an abused dog, etc and he would go to great lengths to ensure they're love and care for because they are the world to him. so when he saw a dog injured on the roadside, he stopped immediately and found the nearest vet clinic to bring her in even though HE'S OUT OF A JOB and is poor in cash but rich in heart :P.
at first katsuki put up a fight like he's not going to help unless izuku paid up because he's kind of dick lol. tbh he was just putting on a show because he can't have ppl thinking HE'S FUCKING WEAK to every desperate ppl coming in even tho his price is the cheapest in the area and he takes IN EVERY PET NO MATTER HOW DIRE but then izuku get teary eyes and promise katsuki his spleen if he would help. that is when he knew izuku is going to FUCKING RUIN HIM because then all the animals in the waiting room is giving him a stink eye and are like, "HELP THE POOR HUMAN YOU DUMB DOC". he just want to growl at them to stfu but the dog starts howling and everyone is making noises and he sighs.
he wasn't even going to kick izuku and the injured dog out anyway so he grits his teeth and let himself be bullied in taking in his new patient and a v v v concern izuku. he insistently hovers close by as katsuki perform the surgery on the dog's broken leg. katsuki knows the drill because worry pet parent is part of the job. "she will be fine," he tells izuku.
eyes wide with hope. "really?" he asks, looking all earnest.
"yea, i wouldn't bullshit unless i fucking know for sure," katsuki answers with a snort because he doesnt make empty promises. also because he's fucking good at his job. he takes in every case seriously and pour his blood, sweat, and tears into all their animals that come into his clinic until they're well again. katsuki doesn't love animals,,, he's FUCKING LOVES THEM in his own ornery ways ofc lol.
 esp the pets and animals that come through his clinic, they all have unique personality and stories to tell. they're not humans but to katsuki they might as well be because their life is as precious as any other human being and he wants to make sure none of them die on his table.
"okay, she's cleared from the surgery," katsuki says, informing an anxious looking izuku. "you can take her home in three days." he pauses for a moment with a frown. "consider the wee waived as my good deed of the year. just dont let your pet run off in the street next time."
izuku blinks. "she's not my dog. I just found her."
katsuki stares at him. "you were going to offer your spleen for a dog that isn't EVEN YOURS?!"
izuku nods eagerly. "i just couldnt leave her alone when she's hurt like that. thank you so much, bakugou-san! you're her hero!"
it's then that his life go from somewhat mundane (as much as a vet who can talk to animals can be) to become even more eccentric because of izuku. he somehow acquired another DOG into his pack bc no matter how desperately izuku tried to find her owner he couldn't. she also need a lot of dedicated hands on care but with no prior owner appearing, katsuki begrudgingly takes her on until she finds a new home. even worst, izuku makes it a habit to visit his clinic daily to check up on her and all the animals there perk excitedly at his appearance.
he easily makes friend w/ all the animals, esp the ones recovering from surgery/illness, taking special care of them while katsuki's pack is super curious w/ izuku and  keep hounding katsuki to pay attention to the cute human!! LOOK A VIABLE MATE as katsuki continues to ignore them
katsuki like to thinks he's a hardass but ever since that day izuku keeps bringing in his strays for katsuki to help and katsuki grumble his way through it but never turn izuku away bc as soon as izuku turn his fucking huge green eyes at him,,,, he'd fucking whipped that's what. and izuku has no money and no job, he started stay longer and help out at the clinic as a return for katsuki’s helping out the animals he keeps bringing in. so he just come to clinic pretty much everyday from morning and wouldn't leave till they close it.
his presence there calm the animals and they always look forward to seeing him everyday. even katsuki's regular clients are like, "oh did you hired a new assistant at the clinic? he's such a sweet and helpful boy."
katsuki, eyes twitching, grits out a, "no."
but at this point katsuki pretty much accepted izuku is attached to the clinic now because unlike all the strays izuku brought in with all of them eventually finding a new home later, KATSUKI IS STUCK WITH IZUKU even though this izuku had FOUND HIM FIRST and not the other way around. katsuki is good with animals because they dont take his bullshit and though he has his colleagues who he work with but they knew him long enough to deal with his prickliness longterm but izuku who he only known for a month or 2, sticks close to him and just smile through him being his asshole self. maybe it's because izuku is some kind of animals magnet disney princess bullshit because ofc katsuki would only attract the kind of person that is maybe part animals or some shit because JUST HIS LUCK that he takes in a human stray in the end and can't get rid of izuku even if he wanted to.
there was no point in fighting it now, izuku is here to stay even if he has a habit of attracting all kind of animals and ridiculous to katsuki's peaceful clinic. he ends up hiring izuku to work at the clinic even though izuku been working there for months already lol. izuku who always have a hard time having any permanency in his life because of his animals magnet deposition and maintaining any human relationship because they dont get his obsession with animals, immediately lights up at the news that he's here to stay WITH ALL THE ANIMALS AND KATSUKI.
katsuki who is mean, rough, and yells at him when he messed up but carefully teaches him how to fill out the health form correctly and lets him play with all the animals at the clinic. doesn't even blink when izuku smuggled in an injured bird and put UP WITH IZUKU'S RIDICULOUSNESS!! izuku is half way in love already because katsuki is a good man with the biggest heart around even if he deny it. he can tell by how much his pack loves katsuki, how they are happy and healthy they look and how they were deemed too broken for society but with katsuki they found a perfect home.
izuku doesn't understand the animals but you don't need a common language to see the way katsuki’s dog curl up in his lap when he's working in the office even though that dog is definitely way too big for it, or how his bird hop on his shoulder as he works. it's there in their body language and the way they want to be close to him. animals are honest, they express everything they feel with their entire body so katsuki can huffs and puffs about how he's not a good person but izuku knows. why else would katsuki not charged izuku for all the animals he bring in or get so brutally upset when he couldn't save one of their life.
izuku doesn't push for more because he's happy just having a room in katsuki's life with all these animals around them. while katsuki is SUFFERING because all his animals are yelling at him daily to: "FUCK MATE CUTE HUMAN BOY YOU USELESS TURD."
the fact that they're all invested in katsuki's love life is hilarious because they think he's completely useless at getting a mate and really want him to get it on with IZUKU ALREADY BECAUSE HE'S GETTING INTO HIS PRIME AND HE NEED TO PRODUCE BEFORE HE DIE TO CONTINUE HIS SPECIES!!!
katsuki has to keep telling them that IS NOT HOW HUMANS WORK but his animals keep offering advice like, "offer the head of your beloved's worst enemy as a courting gift", "leave a dead mouse at his house", "build him a beautiful nest" etc. it's great IF IZUKU WASNT A HUMAN. they critique katsuki's "courting skill" relentlessly because izuku is sweet, kind, love animals, and is perfect so like,,, can he hurry and snatch the cute human up already before some other bastard does???? because mating is a battlefield!!! you got to fight for your right to have him!!
at this point, with the constant nagging and all the animals being 'helpful', katsuki kinda just want lean over and tell izuku, "so do you just wanna fuck and start a family with me?" so his animals can stfu and also he'd might have lost his mind a lil there lol
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ghoestys · 3 years
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i’m literally pulling this out of my ass so if there are errors and stuff doesnt make sense then please myob and pretend like u understand what im saying im trying to do this before i get caught not doing hw he comes at 6 n its 5:43 rn 
statistics
full name: suzy nora yoon nickname(s): su, suz (pronounced like snooze without the n)  age: twenty three date of birth: tba! hometown: tba! gender: cis female religion: athiest sexuality: bisexual hair colour: black/dark brown eye colour: brown height: 5'5″ tattoos: tba! piercings: tba!
prompt + blackmail
a member of the yale's elite, they're twenty-three and a senior undergrad student majoring in aviation engineering. they are as gregarious as they are aimless.
TW DRUGS!  1. to pay for yale's very expensive tuitition, suzy sells weed that's both fake and real, depending on who is buying and if she likes them. she's not a good seller, though, so this hasn't been the best form of income for her. 2. got accepted into the aviation engineering program, but suzy can't complete her homework without the help of drugs to keep her mind focused and creative enough to understand the problems
about 
family/upbringing/childhood/wtvr
so! literally pulling this out of my ass and making things up as i go! suzy was born in a family with her parents (mom & dad), her older sister, and her older brother. the family was strictly middle class and her parents and siblings were very hardworking. her siblings were good at what they did and they excelled in their academics because they tried hard and all that stuff!
growing up, suzy followed her siblings and her parents and was basically a gifted child from the very start. elementary and middle school was not hard for her and she was in all the advanced and gifted programs. the family was calm and there wasn’t anything drastic that removed the peace or caused any disruption at all. like. they were just chillin. 
i think suzy had an average relationship with her parents. they were still asian, so like... it’s as good as it was going to get. she was somewhat close to her siblings, but seeing as they were 5/8 years older than her, the age gap wasn’t that welcoming to the baby of the family. she was kinda just.. having fun on her own being smart n shit. 
anyways! high school! where all gifted kids literally come to die! due to her shit from elem & middle school, she was offered a full ride scholarship to some prestigious school and as asian parents, they were NOT going to reject that free ride to a school that would help ensure suzy’s success in the future. she went from being one of the smartest kids to being another burnt out gift child and high school was fucking ROUGH! 
bitch really had a fucking crisis and burned the fuck out. her not being the smartest bitch anymore literally killed everything in her and she just stopped being that. she met people and what do u know! got into the wrong crowd where drugs and alcohol was everyones bff! 
she got into that pretty heavily by sophomore year i would say. she was just. yea. 
i mean. she was burnt out  but her grades were still fine if u saw them. studying isnt hard for suzy and shes pretty smart, but she wasn’t at the very top of her class anymore and thats what killed her. instead of having straight a’s, suzy was getting b’s and a few c’s. in a family where anything other than an a was acceptable it really just killed suzy some more 
anyways! drugs and alcohol! made her feel good so she did it. she found that weed was the best thing as well as some tranquilizers/anything that relaxed her essentially. she just liked the feeling of floating n not caring or feeling any pressure like. she wanted to b in her own world n shit. 
college/the elites
after graduating high school, she didnt apply to college right away because honestly? drugs and alcohol and a bitch didnt care by her senior year. her grades were not the best and while she couldve gotten into college, she literally had no interest for college and her parents at this point baiscally disowned her so like? who the fuck is gonna pay for her college??
her work ethic is the worst bc shes so careless like. bitch had a shift from 1-7pm and showed up at 5 because she literally didnt feel bothered enough to show up.
anyways a year or so after graduating high school (idk the math rn) she got really high off something and just. did a whole ass application to yale bc she decided to apply for the shits n giggles. wrote a fake letter of recommendation, wrote killer essay and personal reflection shit or wtvr, and even submitted the application with an attached document of her outlining an entire airplane that wouldve been fully functional except for a few tweaks n shit that was needed
she some how got in from that (this is fake this would probs not b real <3 teehee) and bc she was now accepted and going to yale (she accepted high aha a theme for her), she had to think about how to fund for this shit so she decided to get into drug dealing!
which is honestly. not going good like a bitch again has poor work ethics so her as a drug dealer is so.... she literally got into it bc of euphoria bc it looked easy but doing it... is not easy at all but its her only form of funding so she’s doing it. kinda. loosely. please fire her. 
idk where to put this but. suzy is kinda like that girl from the queens gambit where she feels like she needs drugs to function so like she ditches class but she’ll do all her assignments nicely bc she thinks the drugs give her superpowers to b smart n at the top of her academic class again
when shes under the influence of anything she feels like she can function more or like her life is just... better when shes not sober and ull rarely really see her sober like shes usually just on something 
idk where the post is rn bc im too lazy to look for it bc i jsut got a text that he was coming now but!!! its the tweet where a guy was drunk n drew up an entire blue print of an airplane and that is literally fucking suzy i swear to god 
when shes high she’s like the smartest bitch around (shes smart without drugs but doesnt believe that) and can build airplanes n blueprints n solve maths n wtvrs
suzy is truly an asian stem bitch and the sciences and math is where she excels the most!!!! probs won awards n competitions for math and science but doesnt really acknowledge that much becase like... its just not something shes focused on
got into the elites by just making a blueprint of a plane from scratch infront of the twins like. legit just went infront of them, started making the blueprint from scratch to finish n gave it to  them saying here is a blueprint for a new private plane u guys can build for urselves 
personality 
personality wise she is very friendly n goofy n chill n chaotic 
literally a dumbass n honestly really annoying just ask orion 
shes just a stoner having fun doing her life n not really caring about anything like. how she made it to senior year who the fuck knows i really  dont honestly
i think the main way to describe her is bimbo like thats it 
not really into sharing her life and is more of a listener than a talker when it comes to conversations that are genuinely deep and personal. she will not talk to u about her problems and insecurities seriously (maybe she’ll do it in a self deprecating way) unless she trusts u w her life. otherwsie she will keep it to herself n prays that her stoner part will make people believe shes just chillin w no problems
when it comes to conversations about  nonsense n fake deep shit like what is air then suzy will not shut the fuck up like if u wanna talk to someone about nonsense then suzy is truly ur bitch like. a bitch can fucking talk 
doesnt mind being alone bc she has fun on her own but she prefers company more bc she likes having fun and having someone to accompany wtvr she does. whether its for smoking/drinking or hanging out but also just for like... going to class if she chooses to attend and doing everyday errands like groceries or wtvr. she doesnt really do groceries tho bc she just steals orions fodo but when she does choose to go she likes having people with her :) 
she doesnt have a passion for anything bc she doesnt dream of labor but the closest thing about b making airplanes or helicopters like. blueprints  come easy to her n she enjoys making them bc she feels like shes actually capable of something bc shes aware that making them isnt something everyone can do 
u can treat her like a dumbass n she wont call u on it even tho shes kinda smart bc she feels like shes a dumbass
most likely has bad self esteem and feels like a failure but uses drugs n alcohol to ignore that feeling :) 
probs the least judgemental person ull ever meet bc she really doesnt care about what u do like. she hears the secrets getting outted n she doesnt care there r high chances that she’ll still look at u the same way
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macklives · 4 years
Text
hi. so..... its been a while huh? feels kinda weird making a message on here, after what??? a month of not posting at fucking all??
and idk how to say that im sorry for taking so long, especially with kallie kinda sticking with me pretty much the whole time i was away. so we both kinda went AFK on everybody. and by god, this has also been the longest gap between updates. so yeah... i feel you all are owed an explanation. 
id like to give a short summary of what went down in my life recently. not so much as an excuse for my disappearance, but bearing in mind, i can't just come back suddenly without a notice as to why it took so long, and then start discussing homestuck theories as if nothing happened, that would be ...weird and off putting. im known as one to talk a lot in a post, so i think its expected. buckle up kiddos, this may be a long one, which you dont have to necessarily read, but im simply putting it out there for you all in case any of you may have been worried or confused. 
ALSO, keep in mind im alright with sharing this information because i needed some time to get over it in order to accept it, and being able to say this stuff means im pretty much ready to move on and go back to what it was like before (which for someone who has trouble focussing, can get quite fucking hard). so here's the last few months in a nutshell:
i got my wisdom teeth pulled so i was both in pain and numb for a week and a half after being drugged up with, idk, the IV they use to knock you tf out and that needle to numb your teeth?? and having those bad boys outta my mouth so that was a fun time. fuck that shit.
uhhh on the more upsetting side of things, a friend of mine recently passed away, but i took some time to recover from that. i didnt want to bum everybody out by liveblogging while in that state, nor did i feel like it was right to make jokes at that time (for obvious reasons) so i took some time off. and while i do still care for that person, after a while you have to come to terms that your life can't evolve around grief, and you have to move on eventually. its been a month and im doing way better than i was in the first week. so you dont have to worry really.. i even heard about the messages friends wrote on discord and let me tell you that i appreciate every response, i love all of them, i love all of you guys, but if any of you worry about me as of today, just know im doing perfectly fine and thats behind me now. so yeah, thats the worst of the news..
on less distressing matters, i changed up my job! i used to be a waitress at a restaurant to get that not so mucho money cash flowing, and now i got a full time placement as an intern (sort of full-time. full-time with student conditions). which in hindsight, to some may not sound like its any helpful, but considering im in my final year of college and i have to explore new places to get experience, id rather go where its needed so i reach that specific goal in mind. and you have to start somewhere, so this is where ill start heading. though i do still have to graduate which will take a lot of stress out of me eventually but it hasnt yet caught up lol... yikes to when that fuse blows in the future. 
and finally, the most frustrating part of the month, idk who it was specifically, the company or the landlord, but eh details arent that important, anyways, the landlord and/or its agency messed up with our rental situation and lost a lot of our info so i had to spend a lot of time trying to get that back while also filling out tax returns bc those were finally put out. so yeah, we kinda just have to wait for a notice, though i personally think everything will be fine. we’re considering moving out eventually, but thats probably gonna have to wait a bit longer. while we’re still angry, the landlord respected that it was out of line and apologised while making it up to us, so that was fair enough.
so YEAH, you can pretty much say its been one hell of a fucking month, and i had barely any time to liveblog let alone be in contact with friends that i kinda missed so fucking much????... i basically didnt want to bring anybody down with me (emotionally or mentally), so i decided to at least give you all a warning that i wouldnt be on for a while, hence the last update a few weeks prior, and to take a break for myself to figure out my situation, to rest, and to try and get healthier despite that wisdom fuck week, which nobody warned me wisdom teeth removals were ABSOLUTE HELL
but... im glad to be back, im not sure ill get back into the rhythm of how things used to be, meaning, posting almost every day....that would have to wait a bit unfortunately. however, i think it would be best if i made a sort of schedule for myself. maybe a liveblog twice a week, starting the next. it would help out a lot. i hope to start off with that at least, and not push myself too hard for hours anymore nor the stress of needing to post daily. i loved it, dont get me wrong, but sometimes it took a lot out of me since i know it takes a lot of my time. that being said, i will be on discord, maybe tomorrow? and probably be more active on there from now on, since everything is sorta cleared in my life and there's no more hectic commotion 24/7. the only thing at this rate stopping me from being active is having family over in the next couple weeks. but otherwise, yeah, its good to be back and im again sorry for my absence once more.
yours, 
mackenzie <33
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dfel-exe · 4 years
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I love your writingggggg its so pretty and makes me want to hug all the fellows. Can i request an Ethan one shot where he figures out you're pregnant without you telling him? I feel like that would be an interesting topic. Thank you if you do and thank you even if you dont! (o´ω`o)
to start off, thank you all so much for 700! i know i do this like every couple of weeks, but i apologize for my absence. secondly, requestee, you’re too sweet! but, i’m super excited for this request! i had some major inspo for it, but i could only now just get to doing it. anywho, hope you enjoy~ i hope my writing isn’t too rusty, haha
*
Perfect - Ethan x Reader
Word Count: 1566
Warnings: none
Key: Y/N - Your Name; E/C - Eye Color; H/C - Hair Color
*
*
If there was one thing you had undeniably known since a young age, it was that life was cruel and unfair. It repeated the same formula over and over again. As soon as something good happened, something bad would follow. Your grandmother had used the same saying over and over again.
All good things must come to an end.
At first, you didn’t want to believe it. I mean, why would you? Your life was practically perfect. A loving family, a large group of trustworthy friends, and a good school life. What more could you ask for? A significant other, maybe, but you were confident on surviving without.
You didn’t understand your friends jealousy, not at all. When they would say things like, “Your life is perfect, Y/N. I wish I could be in your shoes.”
Or maybe, “It must be easy being that perfect, Y/N!”
Perfection. Having the word forced upon you for years on end, it was something you had turned a blind ear to. You didn’t understand struggle, for you had never gone through it.
Until your father’s death.
Some said it was merely bad luck, that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time; and they weren’t wrong. If he had left the house only ten minutes later, he would probably still be alive. But that’s not how life works, and at the tender age of nine years old, that realization hit you like a truck.
Grieving was foreign to you. It was an idea that had never came into play in your youth, which is why you were so surprised to see your mother act out the way she did. The looming aura of sadness never left your house after that. Your older brother moved out as soon as he graduated, promising to come and visit.
He never did.
At the age of 14, your mother had gotten arrested for drug abuse. You were handed over to your grandmother shortly after. Every morning before you walked out the door, you heard the saying ring throughout the house.
All good things must come to an end.
Perfect, perfect, perfect. What was the true meaning of perfection? Did it even exist? Your mind was plagued with this thought for years.
On your 17th birthday, the outbreak transpired. Lucky you, right? You didn’t have time to go home that day, with all the chaos erupting throughout the school; so, you ran. You ran to the nearest supermarket and grabbed all that you could. You were sure that it was the worst day of your life, until you met him. 
He was a man of little words, and the only thing you knew about him was that his name was Ethan. He offered to trade a bottle of water for some food, and then he was off. About six months later, you ran into each other once again. Only on slightly different circumstances. 
You had been running from a rather large group of zombies. Your legs were tired and you felt as if you could barely stand, but you continued to press forward. It was a complete accident, and believe me when I say you felt terrible for it, but you managed to run into a group of teens, quickly rushing them to run with you.
After a long run filled with complaints from the blonde, accompanied by laughter from the red-head, you had finally arrived to a large set of gates. The brunette quickly pushed them open, ushering everybody else in, before slamming them shut and locking them.
Heaving a sigh of relief, you fell to the ground.
“Are you okay?”
Your eyes widened at the words, looking up to the speaker. It was the same boy from six months ago, Ethan.
Tears pricked your eyes at the simple question. Maybe you were being too emotional for your own good, but that was a question you had never been asked before. Throughout your years, everybody always assumed that you were fine. Even when your father had passed, your friends were too young to think of basic human empathy. All your life was filled with assumption, because you were too perfect to not be okay in their eyes.
You buried your eyes in your hands, nodding your head quickly in an attempt to brush him off.
He held out a hand, a small, almost unnoticeable, smirk on his face. “We better get inside, it’s getting dark.”
You took your hand off your eye, gripping his and accepting the help.
Little did you know, that small action would lead to you finding the love of your life.
On the night of your 18th birthday, you stood in the abandoned school’s bathroom stall, clutching a pregnancy test with despair pooling in your eyes.
All good things must come to an end.
“Y/N, you okay in there?” Judy questioned, knocking on the stall.
“J-Judy…” you whispered, unlocking the stall.
“Are you sure?” She questioned, a stern look in her eyes.
You nodded, looking down at the ground. “This is the third test, Judy. They all have the same result. God, what am I going to do…?”
Your best friend patted your shoulder, giving you a reassuring smile. “You have me and Ethan, you know? We’re always going to be here for you.”
“Ethan… Ethan! Judy, how am I going to tell Ethan?! We’re only 18!”
Judy frowned, your distress filling the room with an unpleasant feeling. “Y/N, Ethan loves you. I’m sure he’s going to be willing to help with the baby.”
Her words did little to lessen your panic. Tears pricked your eyes as you placed the test on the countertop with the sinks. “Oh my god…! What if he’s not willing to keep it? What if he leaves me? Can I really handle a kid? Oh my god, I have a child growing inside of me! I can’t give birth to a child during the apocalypse!”
Judy grabbed your wrists, forcing you to make eye contact with her. “Y/N! Everything’s going to be fine! Ethan is a good guy, he’s not going to leave you. For now, let’s figure out a way to tell him.”
“Judy, I don’t think I can do this…” you murmured, reaching over to grab the test, looking over the positive sign once more.
She sighed. “Look, you don’t have to tell him right away. Wait until you’re comfortable doing so. Just don’t forget, this is his child too. He has a right to know. I’m going to give you some time to think this out, I’ll be waiting for you in our room.”
With that, she swiftly walked out of the bathroom.
“Damn it…” you whispered, grabbing a wad of toilet paper to wrap the pregnancy test in. Tossing it into the trash, you paced around the dark bathroom, chewing on your thumbnail.
“Happy fucking birthday to me, I guess.”
----------------------
“Y/N…”
You looked at Ethan as he spoke, the two of you wandering around the halls as you patrolled. 
“Hm?” you hummed in response.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something, is that okay?” Your eyes widened at his words, but you quickly covered up the shock with a small smile. You took his hand into your own, continuing your steps.
“Of course, what is it?” You squeezed your available hand tightly, your nerves getting the best of you.
He reached his vacant hand behind his back, quickly pulling an empty box out. A gasp almost left your lips at the sight of the box. You fought the urge to cry at the display.
“What’s this?” You played dumb, raising a brow.
He raised one right back at you, almost as if challenging you. No words were exchanged, but you understood the look he was giving you.
“Ethan, I have no clue what you’re hinting at, that’s not min-”
“Y/N, are you pregnant?” The gentle way he spoke silenced you immediately. You stayed still, shifting your eyes to the ground, holding back tears.
You sniffled a little, squeezing your eyes shut. “I’m sorry…”
Ethan dropped the box to the ground, bringing you into a warm embrace. “I thought so.”
As you cried into his chest, he stroked your hair. After a few minutes of this, his warm voice was heard in your ears.
“You know, I’ve always wanted a kid. Do you think it’ll be a girl or a boy? I’m kind of hoping for a boy. Either way, I’m sure they’ll be perfect, just like you.”
You giggled a little, lifting your head off his chest and looking into his eyes. “I’ve always wanted a daughter.”
He yawned, pushing your head back into his chest. “Guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Hey, why don’t we go take a nap?”
You sniffled, a tender smile overtaking your lips. “I’d like that.”
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