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pls-hold-me-im-justa-weeb · 22 hours

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Torn Apart- Final Chapter

So this is the final chapter of my little series. It's a little ambiguous, but focuses on the reader's freedom to do as they like, which is pretty much the main thing Luffy cares about. Remember, you can commission alternative endings.

Warnings: Conflicted emotions, talk of leaving family, lots of crying, missing people, conflict with Zoro.

WC: 9.6k

The next morning you woke to a gentle knock on your door. It was Sanji bringing you breakfast, as he’s done every day for the last week.

“Mon Ange, I’m here with your breakfast!”

You sat up with a yawn, blearily opening your eyes. You blinked at him as he set up your breakfast at the small table.

“Mornin, Sanji” you murmured. Law’s proposition swirled back into your half-asleep thoughts and you sighed deeply. You could tell Sanji was looking at you curiously but with also a little bit of worry.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked, pouring some coffee and juice. Law finally allowed you to have your caffeine fix when he was certain it wouldn’t cause harm to you, which was 4 days after the surgery. You shook your head honestly.

“No, not really.”

Sanji’s curled eyebrows drew together slightly, creasing the smooth skin.

“Bad dreams?”

“No, just restless” you said. It was a half-truth. You were actually restless and part of the issue was that you just felt like you’ve rested too long, but the other part was because of Law’s proposition. He brought you the steaming cup of coffee and helped you sit up with a hand between your shoulder blades. You couldn’t help but notice how warm he was, and how you didn’t feel any callouses scraping over your shirt. He was so different compared to Law and Zoro. You knew you shouldn’t compare people, but you just couldn’t help it.

“Thanks” you murmured as you settled upright.

“It’s only natural,” he said with a smile. He handed you the coffee and fluffed the pillows supporting your back. He seemed to notice that you were distracted, but didn’t push the topic so soon after you waking up. You leaned back into the cushions and took a deep breath, smelling the rich scent of coffee, prepared just the way you liked. You stared into space as you took a few sips, letting your body wake up. Your attachment sites were stinging, but less than before when you were learning to eat. You had enough control now to use both hands to tip the large, half-filled mug to your lips. You still occasionally clacked it harshly against your lips and teeth, but it was better than not having arms.

“Law says that I can have Chopper help give me a bath today” you said quietly. Sanji looked at you from fussing over the place setting with an inquisitive look.

“Yeah? You must feel relieved. I still think you are just as lovely as any other day,” he said flirtatiously. You smiled a little at him.

“Always the flirt” you teased. He smiled back, hands clasped in front of his chest.

“Especially for you, mon Ange,” he said with a dramatic bow. You giggled, and he looked up at you with awe. You stood, and he held a hand out to help you up. You placed your cold, metal one in his, and he kissed it lightly before taking his other arm and placing it in the middle of your back. He didn’t really need to help you up, but you savored how warm his hand was in yours. You could also feel how hot the coffee mug was, clasped in your free hand. You were starting to feel more heat-like sensations, but you knew you couldn’t get burned. It was really rather strange.

Once you were standing, he pulled out your chair like a gentleman and then sat across from you. He kept you company while you ate, eating his own breakfast with you. It almost felt… domestic. You loved it. He began chatting about various topics, but he slowly brought up the idea of you coming back to the ship. You swallowed hard.

“Sanji… I want to ask you something,” your tone was serious and he looked at you with surprise before becoming serious as well.

“Anything, my dear.”

You took a deep breath and let it out, looking down at your half-finished plate.

“What if I were to live somewhere else for a while, just while I was healing? Do you think that Luffy would allow that? Do you think I’d have to learn how to live with Zoro again? I haven’t seen him at all… and I don’t know how to go back to the crew with him there,” you said in a hushed voice. Sanji froze after your first question. You kept your eyes on his hands, resting on the table. He finally raised them and folded them under his chin.

“Would you want to live somewhere else while you were healing?” he asked. You shrugged, and winced at the action that pulled at your surgery scars.

“Maybe. I love you guys and I’ll miss you so much if I do, but Luffy can be chaotic. I’m scared about getting into a situation that I can’t handle because I’m not healed enough yet. I’m not strong like you, Luffy, and Zoro. I don’t heal as fast as you guys,” you answered honestly. After you finished speaking, you finally looked into Saji’s visible eye. He had a soft expression on his face, but it was unreadable. He sighed and sat back in his chair.

“Luffy will tell you to do what you need to do. He’ll tell you to do what you want, because you’re free. If you want to live somewhere else, then do it. I’m assuming this is about Law?” he asked. You flinched at how accurate he was.

“He invited me to stay here while I heal, but also said I could join the crew,” you said quietly. Sanji only nodded.

“You should do what you feel is right. You’re not tied down to any of us. We love you and will miss you should you choose to stay here. I think you should talk to the crew about it. If you’re ready, talk to Zoro, and see what’s going on. He’s an idiot marimo, but he’s still a crewmember. Take your bath on the Sunny, and spend some time there. That might make your decision easier.”

You nodded at his advice. He smiled at you.

“But in the meantime, get your energy up by eating the rest of your breakfast” he said kindly. You smiled at him as well.

“Thank you, Sanji” you said. He smiled at you happily.

“I’ll do anything to see you smile like that at me,” he said softly. It was different from his usual over-the-top flirting, and was sincere. Your breath hitched and you felt your face warm as you met his gaze shyly. You didn’t answer, feeling too flustered. You ate the rest of your breakfast, much more at ease now that you had a plan for your day.

Law came to your room soon after you finished eating. Sanji was stacking plates and was back to his old self, pining after you the same as he does Robin and Nami. Law didn’t even react to the cook, simply choosing to interrupt the blond.

“Do you want to try walking there or do you want me to teleport us to the Sunny's deck from here? I’ll have to teleport us from our deck since I don’t want you climbing anything yet” Law asked. You thought briefly.

“I haven’t really had a chance to see your ship. I want to walk and see it!,” you say excitedly. Law only replies with a grunt, ignoring Sanji’s immediate lecture on how that was no way to treat someone of your beauty. The door opens and he walks out, looking at you expectantly. You take a few steps, excited to finally get out of your room. The hallway is mainly plated with silvery metal, and bright lights shine down. Being a submarine, you expected it to be somewhat dark and wet, but this was a pleasant surprise.

“It’s brighter than I thought” you noticed. Law side-eyed you. He acted completely different when he was in front of Sanji.

“The lights are ones often used in winter islands, and they provide artificial sunlight basically. It provides vitamin D and it also simulates the time if it were to be a bright, spring day. No short days and long nights” he said with a tinge of pride. You blinked up at the lights, before looking immediately away, their shape singed into your retinas for a brief second. He lead you through the bright halls, and you greeted the crew you ran into with a smile and a wave. The hallways were narrow, but not horribly so. You went up some stairs, and the exertion was catching up with you. Sanji was behind you, and you knew he was staring at your ass but you also knew he had his hands hovering behind you to catch you in case you stumbled. At the top of the stairs, you paused, breathing heavily. Law’s clinical gaze swept over your body, and placed two fingers on your neck to feel your pulse. Your stomach swooped. His brows furrowed.

“Take a little break and get your heartrate down. Are you hurting?” he asked as he pushed up the sleeves of your short-sleeve shirt to look at your surgery sites. They were stinging in time with your heart rate, and you nodded slightly.

“Just a little. It throbs with a sting in time with my heart rate” you answer honestly. Law checked your other surgery site, and ended up brushing Sanji out of the way. He side-stepped with an indignant huff that brought an amused smile to your lips.

“They’re fine, but rest them once you get to the Sunny, okay? Let Chopper-ya do most, if not all, the work.”

You nodded, breathing easier now. It was another minute before Law allowed you to walk again, and you spent it wavering between frustration at your weakened body and daydreaming about the bath on the Sunny. You heard the two men speak a little, but tuned them out. Law finally started walking again, and Sanji brought you back to reality with a hand on your arm. You smiled a little to yourself at the realization you could feel his touch. You followed after Law, and it was a short walk to the deck of the submarine. You squinted a little against the sunlight, but it wasn’t much of a difference between the light in the halls and outdoors.

“Ready?” Law asked. You nodded, nervous and excited to be back on your ship.

“Find your own way up, Black Leg-ya” Law said quickly. Sanji rolled his eyes, but leapt onto the ship easily. Law took the opportunity to pull you closer to him by the waist, and held out his hand, summoning his power. Butterflies erupted in your stomach and your face felt a little hot.

“Room. Shambles.”

You had closed your eyes, figuring that it would be less vertigo-inducing to not see the transportation. Your eyes opened as soon as you felt grass beneath your feet, and you looked up excitedly. Law let you go, and you ran up to your crew as they yelled your name. You hugged everyone, even if your attachment sites ached. Some tears were shed by Frankie, Usopp and Brook when you showed them how much you’ve improved. You didn’t know exactly how Brook could shed a tear, but you didn’t think too much about it. As the crew settled down, you finally could see that the entire crew was there. Zoro was sitting quietly to the side, looking at the waves. Your heart dropped, and your adrenaline spiked. The apple you had grabbed to hand to Luffy erupted in your strong fist, and he laughed in surprise at the trick before seeing your expression. Everyone soon grew quiet, unsure whether to intervene. You began to panic at the anxious attention, and Zoro looked up with the lack of chatter, but met your gaze instead. He froze at whatever expression you had. Your breathing came faster and faster, your heart pounding. Voices were muffled and you thought you saw a blue dome expanding over your vision before your vision blurred. You thought you were fainting, but your surroundings changed and snapped back into focus. You were in the changing area outside the Sunny’s bath area. You were sitting on a bench, and Law was crouched in front of you.

“Hey… listen to my voice. Can you hear me?” his deep voice washed over you, and your gaze snapped to him. You were still tense, and you swore you could smell blood and smoke. Law continued to speak.

“Good. Listen. I’m going to walk you through a breathing exercise. We need to get your heart rate and blood pressure down.”

Sudden searing, white hot pain made you jolt with a scream, and your arms felt useless. You didn’t have arms. Cold hands grabbed your face, and you blinked away tears. When did you start crying?

“You're safe. It hurts because of your heart rate, okay? You’re okay. You’re going to be okay. I know it hurts” he said softly. You looked into his eyes, and could finally breathe enough to start hyperventilating.

“Good. I’m going to count, and you’re going to breathe, okay? Breathe in for me- 1…2…3… and breathe out- 1…2…3… Again. I know it hurts but it’ll get better. Follow me. Breathe in- 1…2…3… and out 1…2…3… Good. One more time” he walked you through the breathing efficiently, his voice calm and soft, yet with an air of authority you couldn’t disobey. His thumb traced your eyebrows, and though it was odd at first, it brought a feeling of calm and comfort. You finally could breathe normally, and you huffed out a wet laugh.

“I’m such an idiot” you murmur. Law shakes his head with a sigh.

“You’re not. Did you know he would be here?” he asked softly. You shook your head.

“I should’ve. This is where he lives. I just haven’t seen him since the night he… you know.”

Law traces your eyebrows one more time before smoothing your hair down, then trailed his fingers to your shoulders. He didn’t say anything.

“What’s with the eyebrows thing?” you asked. He looked at you with a soft smile.

“It’s something that soothed me as a kid, and it even works on my crew. I don’t know why it does though” he said with a slight blush. You smiled a little. You heard a little knock on the door. Your body tensed, thinking back to when Zoro used to knock on your doorframe like that

“It’s Chopper!” the small reindeer called. You slumped in relief, and Law went to open the door. Chopper bounded up to you, giving you a hug with his arms thrown around your neck. You nuzzled his fur a little out of habit.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t think Zoro would scare you like that” he babbled. You pressed a small kiss to his cheek.

“It’s okay. I should’ve known he’d be here” you murmured. Chopper pulled back, eyes watery.

“Do you want your bath now?” he asked. You nodded, feeling grimy and exhausted.

“Yes, please” you whispered. Law took this as his cue to leave, clicking the door shut behind him. You looked back at Chopper, taking in his adorable look of concentration as he ran gentle hooves over your surgery sites. You flinched a little at the sensitivity, and he pulled back immediately, looking at you with wide, concerned eyes.

“Sorry! Did that hurt?”

You shook your head, a small smile on your face.

“No, it’s just really sensitive,” you answered honestly. Chopper breathed a sigh of relief, and you smelled candy on his breath. You grinned at him.

“Have you been eating too much candy again?” you asked teasingly. The poor little reindeer looked at you in shock before sheepishly smiling at you.

“It’s just my daily limit. I’m a doctor after all” he answered with a giggle. You laughed with him.

“Let’s get me ready for the bath. Do you mind going to fill the tub while I try to get undressed?”

Chopper nodded, jumping off the bench and ran into the bath area to start filling the large tub with hot water. You sighed, and looked down at your shirt. Law had given you special shirts so you wouldn’t have to pull them over your head. There was a zipper down the front, much like the boiler suits that his crew wore. Earlier, you had changed from your pajama version of the shirts into a normal one while Sanji had cleaned up from breakfast in your ensuite bathroom. You were also clothed in loose fitting pants with an elastic waist. It was easy to pull down the pants off your hips, letting them pool to the ground, and you unzipped your shirt. Your underwear was the trickiest part, and often you had to have Nami or Robin help you change into new ones. You pulled your current ones down and stepped out of the pile of clothes. Your attachment sites were throbbing from all the movement of your arms after your panic attack, and there was no way you’d be able to unhook your bra. You heaved a sigh of frustration.

“Need any help?” Chopper peeked out from the bathing area. You looked at him, a defeated look on your face.

“Just my bra” you answered. He nodded and morphed into his human-like form so he had thumbs, and walked behind you. He struggled for a second, but then managed to unhook it with a sound of triumph. You giggled at his sound of triumph and stood, leading the way into the bathing area. You took in the familiar surroundings. A large, tiled bath sat near the window, more the size of a hot tub than a bath. There was a low shower head and a small stool to one side, so you could wash before soaking. You stood before the small stool, looking down at it cautiously, and you looked up at Chopper’s tall form.

“I don’t think I can sit down that far without falling,” you said. Chopper hummed in thought, and then put his hands on your waist, as if to lift you.

“Just let me lower you down then” he said. You looked back at him, and he nodded once with an air of confidence. You slowly began to sit, and your legs suddenly gave out, but Chopper’s hands kept you from falling. He sat you down on the stool.

“There. Easy!”

You looked cautiously at the showerhead.

“And you're absolutely sure I can get these arms wet?” You asked, looking down at your intricate metal arms.

“Absolutely. I had Franky test it more than he said he needed to, so I’m absolutely sure you can get them wet. You can go for a swim with them with no issue too!” Chopper assured you. You looked up at him, and watched as he sat on a spare stool behind you. He reached over to remove the showerhead from its place on the wall and turned on the water.

“How hot do you usually like your showers?” He sprayed the water on your foot, and you hummed at the warm water.

“A little warmer” you answered. Chopper adjusted the hot water and you let out a pleasured sigh as it reached the perfect temperature. He brought the shower head towards him and let the hot water run over your back, and you moaned at how good it felt. Chopper giggled.

“I bet you feel really dirty after not having a shower for so long.”

“I do. This feels amazing.”

You let Chopper wash your back, front, and legs before you took care of your intimate areas yourself while he turned around for your privacy. Once you finished, you let him wash your hair. His hands were big in this form, but he was still gentle with them as he scrubbed your scalp and gently untangled your hair. You sighed in pleasure at the relaxing feeling of him washing your hair, and at the warm water cascading down your back again as he rinsed the shampoo and conditioner out. He turned off the water and helped lift you up so you were standing. He chatted mindlessly about what had been happening on the ship while you were recovering, and it tugged painfully at your heart. He helped keep you balanced as you stepped in the tub, but noticed your expression.

“What’s wrong? Are you in pain?” he asked, his eyes scanning your arms. You shook your head with a wobbly smile, and sat in the water. Chopper returned to his usual small form and looked up at you. He looked so different without his hat, sitting on the side of the tub.

“I miss you guys, but it’s so hard to come back. I don’t know if I can stay,” you whispered. Chopper’s eyes immediately filled with tears.

“If you miss us, then come back. We love you! You’re part of our family!”

You shook your head, chest clenching in guilt at his plea.

“It’s complicated, Chopper.”

He looked at you, tears dripping down his face.

“Why? It doesn’t have to be!” his voice rose a little with his emotions. Your throat burned as you swallowed down your own tears.

“I love you guys so much, but I need to heal. I need to heal from Zoro and the accident. I can’t look at him without remembering what happened. I can’t be in a situation that I can’t handle because of Luffy’s recklessness. I don’t want to- can’t be- a burden. I’m still your family, Chopper. I’ll still see you. I just need to talk to the rest of the crew about it. I need to heal, and… maybe leave the Strawhats so I can start a new chapter of my life,” you spoke with a wavering voice, tears springing to your eyes as you tried to explain. Chopper looked distraught.

“But… you can heal here! I can take good care of you, and Franky will be here too so he can fix your arms, and with Luffy, Nami, Sanji, Robin, Usopp, and Brook, we’ll take care of you! Please stay? Maybe you can be friends with Zoro again!” he started sobbing as he spoke, and your wall holding back tears crumbled. Hot streaks rolled down your face, and you put your hands on Chopper’s cheeks.

“I know. I know you’d take care of me, that you all would. I want to come back, but I just can’t bring myself to do it when Zoro was so… you know. And honestly I have something going on with Sanji, which is a terrible idea. I want to see Luffy grow and become the King of the Pirates, but I don’t feel like I can belong to this crew the same way anymore. I love you guys. So much…” you trailed off as your sob took your breath away. You continued after a few seconds, “I need this for myself, because it’s my life. I don’t want to become strangers, but I can’t come back here. I can’t bring myself to, not when the Heart Pirates have accepted me and made me feel like one of them so quickly-” you broke off with another sob, and dragged Chopper’s shaking form to your own shuddering chest.

“Please forgive me, but I can’t come back. Not yet. I’ll still see you guys, and call and write though!” you promised, throat burning as you murmured into Chopper’s ear. He pulled back to look up at you with big, watery eyes and sniffed.

“I think… I understand, but I’m still sad. I don’t want you to leave, because I’ll miss you. I know for you to be happier in the long run, you need to leave, but…” he hiccupped and sobbed before continuing, “I just love you lots!” His little face nestled into your neck, and his breath tickled over your neck as he cried.

“I’ll call often, and write and send pictures, okay? The Heart Pirates is a better place for me during this time in my life, and Law is a kind person” you rambled a little. Little hooves wrapped around your neck and you felt his tears drip onto your shoulder. You held him against your chest, feeling his back shudder as he cried quietly. You held him until you both stopped crying, lingering sniffles echoing through the bath, and wet cheeks pressed against each other.

A soft knock at the door to the bath startled you both, but you heard Nami’s voice calling to you.

“Can I come in?” She sounded like she was crying, and your heart clenched in guilt.

“Y-yeah”

The door opened, and she stood with tears in her eyes, looking at you pleadingly.

“I heard everything,” she admitted. You let your body sink in defeat, and you looked down at the water guiltily.

“I’m sorry” you whispered. Swirling emotions choked your throat. Nami shook her head with a wobbly smile on her face.

“I get it. We’ll miss you, and you’ll always be a part of this crew, but… we’ll be heartbroken to see you go, even if it’s what you need to do for now” she answered in a wavering voice. She grabbed your towel and held it out.

“Here. You guys have been here for a while. Sanji made lunch” she said. You stood, and looked at Chopper. He looked back at you with sad eyes before realizing your silent ask for help. He transformed into his human-like form, and held your waist to keep you balanced as you stepped out of the tub. You walked towards Nami, who wrapped the towel around you. Once you were covered, she hugged you tightly.

“You need to tell the rest of the crew, and talk to Zoro. I think he’s finally come to his senses,” she whispered. You nodded against her shoulder. With two helpers, getting dressed was much easier, and you exited the changing area quickly. Law was leaning against the wall casually, looking up from a textbook he had borrowed from the library.

“Did the water hurt your surgery sites at all?” he asked casually. You shook your head, and he grunted in approval.

“Good. It shouldn’t have but I wanted to make sure,” he answered. You smiled a little at his rough exterior that hid his soft, caring side. He held his hand out to activate his powers, a blue glowing dome enveloping all of you.

“Ready to go down?” he asked. You took a deep breath, eyes closed to calm yourself. You almost nodded before your eyes flashed open in worry.

“Is he down there?” you asked. Nami and Law traded a look, but they both nodded.

“He is, but you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, okay?” Nami said, rubbing her hand up and down your back soothingly. You nodded once, and took another deep breath to calm yourself.

“Okay.”

Law looked at you for one final confirmation, and with your nod, shifted his hand to teleport all of you down to the deck. You blinked and squinted in the bright sunlight, almost flinching at Luffy and Usopp’s screeching as they argued playfully with each other about something. Luffy’s voice called out your name, and you felt the vibrations on the deck of someone running towards you. You finally regained your vision right as he skidded to a stop in front of you, wrapping his arms with extreme care around your middle. His tongue was poking out slightly with concentration at controlling his monstrous strength on your recovering body. You could only laugh at him, and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, holding him tightly to you. He let out a squawk when your arms accidentally tightened too much around him, and you loosened your grip a little.

“Hey Luffy,” you said, smiling. He grinned at you, and it filled you with warmth that made your heart clench painfully. Your smile wobbled. He looked at you as his smile faded a little.

“Oi, why are ya crying?” he asked with a giggle. You glanced at Nami, who bit her lip to try to stop her own tears. The rest of the crew, except the swordsman, had gathered around you, and you looked at the rest of them, meeting their eyes before looking back at Luffy.

“I… I think I might go… temporarily at least.”

You could feel the way everybody’s heart dropped at your declaration, even though Sanji, Chopper, and Nami all knew before. Luffy withdrew his arms from around you and stepped back to look at you properly.

“Go where?” he asked gently. You clenched your new hands into fists, and bit your bottom lip. You could feel tears forming, but didn’t want to let them fall.

“With Tra-o” you said simply. Luffy glanced at Law, who was standing away from the conversation, looking at the sea.

“Tra-o!” Luffy called. Law looked back, for once not looking pissed off at your captain, and walked towards the group. You looked back at your crewmates, all fighting back tears. Robin’s beautiful blue eyes were wet, but her small smile said that she understood. Sanji was lighting a cigarette, a tear sliding down his cheek. Usopp and Franky both looked shocked and devastated, and it hurt to meet their eyes. You could hardly tell what Brook was thinking, but from his body language, he seemed devastated as well. You heard Law stop beside you.

“Mugiwara-ya” he answered. Luffy stared at him, a strange aura of menacing, protectiveness, and resignation emanating from him.

“Did you offer?”

Law nodded.

“I offered for them to join my crew to heal fully, and left it up to them whether they wanted to join permanently or go back to you.”

Luffy nodded once, arms crossed over his chest. He stood still a moment, before sighing, and looking at you with a grin.

“You’re free to do what you want. You always are. You’ll always be part of our crew, and will be welcome back anytime, for any reason. You’re family, but you’re free.”

He stepped forward and put one hand on the back of your neck, and lightly bonked his forehead to yours. You suddenly remembered him doing the same action before, with the whisper “This is how we promise now, okay? You and me. No hands or arms necessary.” Your chin wobbled at the action, and you nodded.

“I love you guys in a way I can’t put into words. I can’t tell the future, so maybe someday I’ll be back-” you choked off the end of your sentence with a sob, and let your arms hold Luffy close to you. The rest of the crew surged forward in a hug, everyone careful about your arms. Tears and snot dripped, and wails from almost everyone echoed on the ship. It took you a few seconds, but you realized that the wriggling form next to you was Law, who had gotten caught up in the hug unexpectedly. You laughed wetly at his scowl and his demands to be let go.

“I’ll call and write and send pictures, okay? I just need to do this for myself. I love you all though-” A sob broke off your sentence again, and a fresh round of tears appeared on everybody’s faces. It lasted like that for a few more minutes, and Law had finally given up on having tears and snot wiped on his clothes from your crew.

A deep, uncomfortable cough broke you out of your haze, and the crew parted to reveal a defeated-looking Zoro. He sat on the grass, slouched over and looked at the group guiltily. You swallowed hard, looking at him. Franky grabbed your hand in assurance, and you glanced up at him gratefully.

“I’m… I’m sorry” he said. His steely gaze seemed cracked from guilt and despair, and he met your eyes steadily. Your grip tightened around Franky’s hand, and you were glad it was his, because your grip may have broken bones. You swallowed hard.

“For what?” You asked quietly. He looked surprised, and glanced at the rest of the crew. They filtered off to the other side of the deck, giving you all space, but still watching closely. Law took the moment to escape and shed his now-dirty coat, but watched your interaction with Zoro intensely. Franky stayed by your side, holding your hand. Zoro took a few steps forward, and it took all you had not to back away.

“For everything. For not listening to you when you said we should run, for being weak enough to be unconscious when you needed me, for…” he trailed off, shutting his eyes and running a hand through his hair, as if the next words were poison on his tongue, but he looked back into your eyes and continued with an unwavering voice, “for abusing you when you needed me the most. For leaving you alone when you were going through the hardest time in your life. I’m so sorry. I’m glad that Luffy, the Cook, and Franky stopped me. I keep wanting to give you excuses, like I was also hurting, that I felt weak and angry at myself and I took that out on you, but honestly, I don’t have an excuse. I was upset, traumatized, but I should’ve worked through that with you, together. I’m a better man because of you, and I tossed you aside,” he stopped talking, finally looking down at the ground. You watched him closely. Emotions swirled in your heart and mind. You were angry that he was apologizing, and that he did what he did in the first place. You felt guilty that you didn’t see he was suffering, even though you had every right to not feel guilty. You felt relieved that he hadn’t changed for the worse forever, and also sad that he was even capable of the actions. You shook your head and sighed. You were shaking, and you gripped Franky’s hand a little harder. He looked down at you, making sure you were alright. You didn’t look back at him, instead focused on replying to Zoro.

“I can’t lie and say that I’m not leaving because of you. Mostly, I am. I don’t think I can be around you without sacrificing my happiness, which is the last thing anybody here wants. I don’t-” Your answer was cut off by Zoro’s interruption.

“Shhh. You don’t have to forgive me, but if you do, let me know. Please.”

Your anger flared white-hot at the shushing and interruption. You let go of Franky’s hand, and took a step forward, fists balled so tightly your surgery sites throbbed.

“You don’t get to shush me. You don’t get to interrupt me, and you don’t ever get to tell me what to do, especially when it comes to me forgiving you! You still have a long way to go, Roronoa Zoro. I am free to do whatever I want. I’m leaving this crew to go to the Heart Pirates, and I will miss everyone except you. I’m not something to be won, and I’m not a goal to reach. Now, please, if you wouldn’t mind, can I have just one lunch with the rest of the crew?” angry tears spilled down your cheeks, making you more pissed off. You saw hurt in Zoro’s eyes, a depth of aching and hurt that reflected your own that one fateful night. He looked down at the ground, crossing his arms over his chest. You were breathing heavily, and guilt clanged with sharpened edges around your heart, even though you knew you had every right to say those words. You looked down at the ground as well, using your shoulders to wipe away your tears. From the edges of your vision, you saw his boots turn as he walked away. You turned back to Franky, looking up at him, eyes full of regret and questioning.

“Franky…” you whispered. He only held his arms out and you ran into his body, desperate to feel safe again. He held you to his chest tightly. Your body was shaking, and your breathing was erratic, but with his comforting presence, your breathing exercises began to come to you naturally. It took a few minutes, but your breathing calmed and your shaking sputtered to nothing.

“There ya go, sis. Good job. You did so well talking to him. You did everything right. I promise,” he soothed you gently, quietly. You were glad for his rumbling voice that pushed aside your fears and hesitation. You finally pulled back enough to look up at him.

“...was I too hard on him?”

Franky looked at you softly, and smoothed your hair.

“Unfortunately, that’s not for me to decide. If it were though, I’d say that you weren’t. He’ll be upset for a while, yes, but that’s because of his own mistake. He’ll grow from it slowly,” he said gently. You let out a deep sigh.

“Why did I have to be the lesson?” you mumble softly. Franky sighed as well.

“People say that bad things happen for a reason, that it’s for you to get stronger or learn something. Me though… I think bad things just happen. I think they happen and it’s up to you to decide what to do. You can fall into the bad, or you can rise above it. You’ve risen above it,” he said. You finally pulled back, holding both of his hands in yours. You give him a wobbly smile.

“Only because of you guys though.”

Franky shakes his head.

“Well, we helped ya, sis, but you’re the one who fought. We just gave you support.”

You can’t help but laugh a little at his words.

“...thank you” you whisper. He smiles broadly at you, then looks over to the picnic blanket set up on the lawn.

“C’mon. Let’s getcha fed, okay?”

You nod, and hold his hand as he leads you to the blanket, sitting down. Nami, Sanji, Robin, Brook, and Usopp join you, and you look around for your captain. He’s standing on the Sunny’s lionhead, looking out towards the sea. A jolt of guilt washes through you. What was he going through? Zoro is his first mate and best friend, but he loves everyone on his crew. Having a fallout on his crew must be tough. You sigh, and look at Sanji.

“How’s Luffy doing with all of… this?” you wave your hand uselessly at yourself and the general direction Zoro had taken off, towards the Crows Nest. Sanji hands you a plate and looks at you, surprised.

“Luffy… is leaving it up to the two of you. He loves you both dearly, but understands how serious this is. He understands that Zoro messed up and hurt you, but also knows that it’s his burden to deal with,” Sanji puffed on his cigarette, loading another plate with amazing food and handing it to Nami. Nami nodded at his words.

“Sanji-kun is right. Luffy understands,” she said carefully. You nod, and look back towards the masthead but don’t see your captain anymore. Your hands suddenly feel lighter as the plate is snatched out of your metal grip and Luffy’s cheerful laughter rings above you.

“Gotcha!” he crows loudly beside you. You jump a little and look at him in shock, clearly seeing the moment Sanji’s foot connected with the captain, sending him sprawling back. Your plate was delivered to your hands again, not a single piece out of place. You couldn’t help but laugh at the usual antics of the crew, silencing Sanji’s yells at the rubber boy, who sat sheepishly on the grass. Nami, Robin, and Usopp joined in your laughter, the others following quickly. You heard everyone laughing except… Chopper. You look around for him, and finally catch his little form crawling down from the Crows Nest. Your smile dimmed from a grin to one that was softer as you connected the dots in your mind. Chopper went to check on the swordsman, and probably brought him some food as well. Your heart ached at the thought, but you were glad that he would still be treated normally by the rest of the crew.

You began to eat, but at the first bite of the heavenly food, tears pooled in your eyes. It tasted like home. Luffy was the first to notice you crying, and immediately began yelling at Sanji for cooking you bad food. Sanji began wailing and apologizing to you, creating a fuss that was only stopped when Nami whacked them both upside the head with a merciless fist.

“Both of you! Stop it!” she barked. Both Luffy and Sanji turned to her, pouting for two very different reasons.

“You’d be crying too if it was your last lunch with everyone for the foreseeable future, okay? Now both of you shut up and eat!” She sat back down with an air of finality, and the two men looked at each other and then looked at you, understanding on their faces.

“So… your food tastes good?” Luffy asked. You laughed and nodded.

“Amazing, as always.”

Sanji looked to be immensely relieved, and Luffy turned to the cook with a bright grin.

“My bad!” he exclaimed before inhaling an entire cut of meat. Sanji loaded his plate with another portion as an acceptance of his apology, and you smiled at the interaction, your lip wobbling a little. Someone shifted on your other side, and you turned to look. Robin smiled back at you, a cup of steaming tea in her hands. It smelled flowery, like lavender and roses.

“You can still stay, you know,” she said quietly. You bit your lip and looked down at your food, tears finally falling down your cheeks. You shook your head.

“I… don’t think I can. Not right now,” you said, tears thickening your voice. She put a hand on your shoulder, and that spoke volumes.

“I understand, and we’ll miss you, but we want your happiness and safety over anything. Tra-o is a great man, and you’ll find who you’re growing to be with him. But, you’ll always have a home here. You’re our family,” she said softly. The rest of the crew was quiet, having heard her words. You looked at each of them fully. Robin gave you a smile, and tightened her hand on your shoulder. Franky gave you a grin, somehow managed to do his signature ‘Super’ pose while sitting, clashing his forearms together above his head. Usopp gave you a thumbs up with a grin and a confident chuckle, and Brook whipped out a violin and began playing for you. Chopper had joined and heard everything, giving you a confident smile that made his eyes sparkle. Nami’s eyes were watering, but she looked at you with a kind smile. Sanji lit his cigarette, and looked at you softly, a smile on his lips. Luffy grinned at you, and wrapped his arm around you a few times, holding you tightly to his side. His other hand took off his hat and plopped it on your head, tilted over your eyes to hide your falling tears. You let your wet face fall against Luffy’s neck, sniffling.

“I’ll miss Zoro. I know I said I wouldn’t, but I will. I love and will miss all of you. I promise,” You pulled back enough to tap your forehead gently against his, your special way of promising. His bright laughter was all you could hear for a second, before he spoke.

“I know. We all do. We’ll miss you too, but for now… let’s party!” He announced. You couldn’t help but smile. Brook began playing an upbeat song, and Nami dragged you up to dance with Chopper and Robin. Franky joined in, and Sanji disappeared into the kitchen, bringing back drinks for everyone.

All of you partied until sunset, when Sanji brought out dinner. Law had mostly stayed out of the way, but was dragged into festivities by Luffy, who said he was being a wimp for not enjoying the celebration of the new addition to his crew. Their argument devolved into something that led to the Heart Pirate crew joining the festivities on the Sunny, much to Law’s chagrin about them being exposed to “Straw Hat idiocy”. Luffy declared he “won”, which led into them bickering, until Luffy laughed freely and called Law and his crew “honorary Straw Hats”, which both crews cheered at, leaving Law to pout and brood in a corner with some beer. You giggled and approached your new captain, your surgery sites aching from drinking and eating so much. You sat next to him, and he spared you a glance before muttering under his breath.

“Honorary Straw Hats my ass. Then the Straw Hats should all be honorary Heart Pirates.”

You couldn't help but snicker at his annoyance.

“With your desire to keep the Straw Hat’s off your ship, it might be better not to go there” you say with a smirk. Law rolls his eyes.

“Why did I ever have to meet him,” he groaned, gesturing to Luffy. You looked at your captain- previous captain?- and smiled at him, watching as he was somehow managing to shovel food in his mouth while also dancing around the fire, ignoring Sanji yelling at him that it would make him sick. You giggled at the sight.

“That means you're blessed by fate, I guess,” you answer with a chuckle. Law looked at you, face unreadable. He grunted finally, and glanced down at your arms.

“You’ve been moving around a lot today, and eating and drinking more. How are your arms?”

You looked down at the surgery sites with a grimace.

“They don’t feel great, that’s for sure. They’re throbbing and stinging,” you answer honestly. Law’s brows knit together briefly, and he exhaled sharply.

“Okay. It’s to be expected but just give me a second,” he said as he stood. A blue dome appeared, expanding quickly, and Law disappeared with a flick of his hand. He appeared a few moments later, and the blue dome disappeared. He sat next to you, shifting through the first aid kit he brought back with him.

“This is your arm first aid kit. I made it for you with the help of Chopper and Franky. Hmmm… where did I put it?”

Your breath caught with gratefulness, and your eyes flicked between Law’s face and the box a few times before he pulled something out of it. He looked at you briefly before doing a double take, annoyed concern on his face.

“What the hell is that look? Why do you have the same look as Bepo? Stop being cute!”

You leaned your head on his shoulder, trying to give him a hug even though your arms were in too much pain. He grunted and tried to gently push you off, but you pushed against his hand, keeping yourself glued to his shoulder. He huffed a sigh of annoyance.

“Get off me. I need to look at the attachment sites. And here, take these.”

He held two pills in his fingers, and you recognized them as regular pain medicine that reduced inflammation. You sat up properly and held open your mouth, and Law dropped them onto your waiting tongue and held up your glass immediately to help you take a sip. It was a familiar routine by this point, when he would feed you medicine when you couldn’t lift your arms yet. You took a sip of your drink and swallowed the pills easily, and he put your drink down between you. He plucked another package out of the box and you looked at it curiously. He answered your silent question.

“It’s a sort of wipe that will ease the stinging. At least I designed the solution the cloth was soaked in to do that, but we’ll see if it works,” he said factually. He said it so casually that it took you a second to register his words, but by the time you did, he was already wiping the tiny piece of cloth over your skin. You yelped and shut your eyes tightly, waiting for something to happen.

“What the hell are you doing? It’s not going to hurt you” Law said with an amused lilt to his voice. You opened one eye cautiously, staring down at your surgery site. The stinging was slowly starting to ebb, and he finished wiping down the circumference of your arm.

“You can’t just experiment on me!” you whined. Law snorted and then smirked.

“I didn’t. I used the same solution when my tattoos were freshly done and I got into a fight. It stung like a bitch. I thought it would help you as well,” he explained. You narrowed your eyes at him suspiciously.

“You’re lucky it worked,” you pouted. Law raised a single brow.

“Do you seriously think Chopper-ya would allow me to put something in your first aid kit that he hadn’t tried himself?”

You paused.

“No, because I didn’t have time to think” you shot back. Law snorted and shook his head.

“Let me do the other arm,” he stood and moved to the other side, quickly swiping the cloth over your other attachment site. You blinked down at your arm. The stinging was subsiding from both arms. Not completely, but it was definitely better than before. You looked up at him, smiling.

“Thanks, captain” you said cheekily. Law blushed slightly and hid his face under the brim of his hat.

“...you’re welcome,” he murmured.

You leaned back against the side of the boat and looked up at the stars.

“How often do you get to see the stars on your ship?”

Law grunted quietly.

“It depends on the weather, but I surface and let the crew out as much as I can,” he says quietly. You nodded.

“Thank you… for offering,” you mumble. You felt Law’s golden eyes on you, and after a moment, you finally met his gaze. You couldn’t decipher the emotion that was shining brightly in his eyes.

“You’re free to do as you wish. You’re free to follow your heart, and that can take you to surprising places. I’m almost jealous that you’re free to do that, because I don’t feel like I can trust my heart to take me to good places,” he said softly. You blinked in surprise, but said nothing. Law sighed, then stood. He offered you a hand as he stood above you to help you up. The orange from the fire was gorgeous on his black hair, and it highlighted the definition of his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. You let a small smile curl your lips.

“I’m scared, but I trust you,” you said after a moment. Law smirked at you. Your hand rose to grasp his, but you both knew the casual gesture was a promise. A promise of trust in each other and in the future to bring good to you. You stood, and he pushed you gently in the direction of the party.

“Go. I’ll be here. Come back if you hurt,” he murmured. You cast a smile over your shoulder and went to join the party, letting various people (and animals) from both crews hug you and fold you into the celebration.

—------

2 Months Later:

You let the salty breeze trail incandescent fingers along your skin and through your hair, and you breathed in the scent of fresh air. It had been about a week since the sub had been able to surface, and you were desperate for the breeze. Footsteps thumped on the deck behind you, approaching your form.

“How are your arms?” he asked boredly. You snorted.

“Do you really have to ask multiple times a day, every day?” You turned to meet him, his golden eyes matching his double earrings, glinting in the sun. He frowned.

“I’m a doctor,” he said as if that were an answer. You giggled. He pouted.

“Captain, you know that's not an answer. You can just admit that you have a crush on me~” you teased slyly. Law’s cheeks darken with a blush that he tried to hide under the brim of his hat.

“Shut up and get back to work. Bepo is over there shedding again, and I want the deck clean,” he ordered. You laughed.

“Yes sir!” you saluted him mockingly and picked up the broom again. You let your mind wander over the last few months, recalling how you’ve healed. Physically, you would still get twinges and pulls when you moved the wrong way or when you worked too hard. Some days when there were storms, your surgery sites ached, and some days the phantom limb pain hurt like a bitch. Through it all though was Law. He was a steady rock that gave you answers and honesty when you needed them the most, and comfort that was only for your eyes and ears. Your PTSD from the accident hadn’t gotten much better, but Law told you that it could take even years for you to fully recover, if you do at all. He held you through your panic attacks, opening his door to you without question in the middle of the night when you were shaking and crying. Sometimes, Bepo was there too and the three of you would cuddle together, finding solace in sleep. When someone raised their voice even slightly at you, you still reacted. You started shaking and stuttering, fighting back tears, even as they lowered their voice and talked to you soothingly to provide a distraction for your adrenaline-driven mind.

Law was basically a casual boyfriend. He refused to commit to anything deeper than cuddles, kisses, and soft words until he knew that he wasn’t a rebound or someone that you bonded with through trauma. You respected his decision, and was happy with the current relationship the two of you had. He was always busy anyways, and you were busy trying to heal. You kept sweeping the deck, flinching when your arm twinged the wrong way. You looked down at your metal arms with a frown. You didn’t wear your sleeves today, deciding to allow the sun on your scars. You could feel echoes of touch, like if you were wearing a pair of thin gloves on your hands. The crew had learned the upkeep of your arms quickly, and were pros at fixing anything that went wrong with them. You paused and wiped the sweat off your cheek with your shoulder. Your eyes landed on the resident polar bear peering through binoculars, focused on one particular spot.

“Hey Bepo, whatcha lookin at?”

“Sorry, I just saw something in the distance. I think it looks familiar… sorry I can’t see it clearly yet,” he said, bowing as he apologized. You frowned a little, then took the binoculars from him. Your eyes focused on the dot on the horizon, and a wide smile cracked your face.

“Go tell the captain- the Strawhats are going to visit!”

Bepo ran off and you giggled a little with excitement. You suddenly saw a small figure shoot off of the ship, and you laughed with delight. You heard one of your favorite voices whooping with joy. You jumped in place and waved your arms, guiding Luffy to the right spot of the ship.

“Luffy! I’ve miss- OOF!” your greeting was cut off as he slammed into you, sending the both of you tumbling to the deck. The wind was knocked out of you, but Luffy laughed loudly.

“I’ve missed you! Have you been having good food? Do you have adventures? Have you eaten good meat on the adventures?!” Luffy questioned you rapid-fire, and once you got your breath back you pushed him off you.

“One thing at a time, Luffy. Law is going to yell at you for boarding his ship without permission,” you warned with a giggle. Luffy grinned with a chuckle.

“Yep, but I get to see you. Everyone else is coming on the ship, and then we can have lunch and dinner together, okay?” he said excitedly. You nod with a laugh.

“Of course!”

“Oh are you coming back yet?” he asked with wide eyes. A jolt of fear and guilt went through you, clenching your heart.

“N-no. I’m not healed enough yet,” you murmur. Luffy nods, then is suddenly gone, a piece of Bepo’s fur floating down where he sat.

“MUGIWARA-YA!” you heard Law yell. You looked over, and he was holding Luffy over the railing of the ship by his shirt. Luffy only laughed.

“Hey, Tra-o! Let’s have lunch and dinner all together, yeah?” Law snarled and was about to drop Luffy into the ocean but you called out.

“I’m not leaving yet, I just miss them!”

Law looked at you with what you knew to be a pout, but to anyone else looked like a glower. He tossed Luffy back onto the deck, who sprawled next to you easily.

“So… Tra-o, huh?” he said in a whisper. You blink at him, shocked that he actually picked up on the relationship between you and the surgeon.

“Not yet, but maybe,” you whisper back. Luffy frowns a little.

“Hm. Well eventually I hope you’ll come back when you’re ready. We can even have Tra-o on our crew if you want to stay together. I’m still the captain though,” he said firmly. You snorted and then giggled.

“You’re going to be King of the Pirates, Luffy. Of course you’ll still be the captain.”

Luffy grinned and wrapped a hand around the back of your neck, then lowered his face so his forehead bonked against yours. It hurt a little, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I’ve missed you."

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