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#one of the biggest reasons i dont go on twitter anymore
arsonkoobi · 11 months
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taekooker to jikooker: my personal experience.
this is merely how i felt and all the things i saw while being a hardcore taekooker for almost a year and a half. if you get offended, im sorry but the unfollow and block button is right there, i dont mind. i love taekook themselves, but i can no longer look at them in the way i used to. now they genuinely look like best friends to me. people change, and their perceptions and views on different aspects of life change. thats what happened to me.
I first joined this fandom 5 years ago in mid january 2018 through my friends. taehyung was my first ever bias, so most of the bts related yt recs i had were mostly of taehyung and ot7, and occasional ship videos among which taekook was the most prominent. me being a curious lil unsuspecting lamb, clicked on one, it also helped that my friends were taekookers as well so i dived pretty deep into the rabbit hole of taekook. im gonna be writing my thoughts and experiences on shipping taekook at different times of the year. i dont remember every single detail clearly (like this was 5 years ago) so forgive me if i sound vague at times plus this will only be a summary. without further ado, lets start, shall we?
february-march, 2018
by this time, i already watched quite a few taekook analysis videos, i also came across a few tkk_lives' videos(i think i came across her vids like much later but i just included it here) as well as other deluded channels. i fell even deeper into the rabbit hole. i thought taekook were the epitome of boyfriends silly in love, i felt like they had the best chemistry and that they were the ones whose ship actually made sense. i feel so embarrassed to admit this but one of my rather major reasons for shipping them was how good they looked tgthr🤦‍♀️(im a changed person now i promise). now i realise many tkk analysis channels tend to heavily edit things to make it look like theres something going on, overanalysing things to no end, it made me see them as if they were closer than they actually are, and as if theyre hiding something, but it was really just heavy and clever editing that forces your mind to get convinced. it was quite literally manipulative. plus back then, i was rather immature and hadnt even been in a rltnshp yet, so i blindly believed whatever they said. i believed every narrative and every theory they put out even if i knew lots of them didnt even make sense. they constantly also put out the jealous jungkook/taehyung whenever the other breathes next to another member..as i now realise, thats one of the biggest toxic traits a person can have. they were always pushing tkk as a toxic relationship without even knowing it(or just ignoring it). i also do not like jikook analysis vids where they are portrayed as the same territorial mfs who cant stand the other interacting with anyone else but himself. bc thats literally pushing their relationship as a toxic one and making them look toxic, and i would rather not do that.
march/april-september, 2018
i only watched taekook vids and funny bts moments for a long while as a baby army. i didnt watch official content very much, i ddint even know how to watch official content..i didnt know bangtantv existed yet💀 this tkk analysis watching continued for around 4 or so months after i became an army before i took an unintentional break from them(analysis vids) and i went on twitter. twitter, was so much worse(as i now realise). i didnt have an account at that time and learnt to browse on twt without one(it doesnt really let you do that anymore). at first, i found nothing weird or unusual and i enjoyed lurking on twitter, but slowly i started to see the ugly side of the community. i found multiple accounts directly or indirectly hating on jimin. i was weirded out. very weirded out. i was quite conflicted but..i only thought of it as jimin haters who were coincidentally tkkrs, maybe i refused to see tkk shippers in a bad light? probably, unfortunately i cant remember much and as i said, i was immature.
october-december, 2018
i stumbled across gcf in tokyo somewhere in october, i think it was in a fanwar on twitter and a jkkr said "at least we have this" or sumn along that line and put a link to gcft . idek how i didnt see it earlier. immediately after watching it, i felt..weird, conflicted, insecure. insecure about my ship. it seemed so romantic to me even then. but ofc i didnt let myself give up immediately, and i searched interviews + info about it, i found tkkrs saying vminkook were supposed to go tgthr and jikook only went bc they had a few days off and tae didnt. that gave me a lil bit of security and i held onto that thread of security and refused to believe or even hear out the actual fact(which i will come to later). as you can see, i was a stubborn mf. inside i knew that even if tae not having time off was the "only" reason behind jikook's japan trip, it was still unusual and suspicious to go on a trip with only your "bro" when said "bro" has told you and the world multiple times that they wanna go on a trip alone with you, when the hotel room you're staying at with your "bro" has a see-through glass wall for the bathroom and when you make a whole love confession in the guise of a travel log for your "bro" while your boyfie is waiting for you at home.
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in conclusion, i was very insecure.
did i give up? no, not yet. we're getting there.
so as a masochist and out of curiosity caused by insecurity, i searched up jikook videos on yt, thinking "there's no way they could ever have more chemistry than taekook 🙄" - when i tell you i was wrong as fuck, i mean it. i was HUMBLED. the chemistry and tension between jungkook and jimin was undeniable. i felt uncomfortable watching some certain moments, felt things that i didnt feel while shipping taekook, saw things i didnt see in taekook.
i was confused plus the sinking feeling you get when you've been too loud about what you think and your opinions but then it turns out you were a stupid ass bitch.
there was a plethora of jikook vids, and i think my first jikook video was from Made in Busan, ig it was the "serendipity" analysis? back then it made lots of sense to me, but now it looks slightly overanalyzed (i still believe "serendipity" is very much connected to jikook tho). i slowly got more introduced to jikook in general. this mainly occured in like the first week of october and december as i had my boards in november.
december/january-february, 2019
so its been more or less of a year since ive become a tkkr, gcft is still in the back of my head screaming at me. and then jikook drop another bomb. that is, 2018 MMA.
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this..was just, just..i cant explain it in words. jungkook had every bit of his attention directed towards jimin, they were giving each other loving glances, jimin giving jungkook a flying kiss, jungkook giving jimin a finger heart, jungkook subconsciously massaging jimins nape..it was just so domestic and coupley. i've never third wheeled so bad in my life. i felt like i was interrupting something by watching them. imagine how hyunjae next to them felt😔✊not to mention how it very much looked like jungkook was saying "남편"[ nampyeon] meaning "husband" and "형의 남친"[ hyung-ui namchin ] meaning " hyung's boyfriend" in their conversation after jimin pointed to himself and jungkook (forgive me if the spellings/romanizations are not accurate enough, im not fully fluent in korean). plus, after jungkook said it, jimin smiles and shyly looks down..LIKE??
youtube
watch from 31:00 to see for yourself. im not kidding.(p.s i love this video so much)
i was bamboozled. i was shocked. i was frustrated. i was feeling stupid. i was begging for taekook to drop something mindblowing or sumn that would regain my secuity in the ship and i found some moments during other award shows but, it didnt feel the same. to me it was really looking like taekook had boundaries and limits between each other, the limits that apply when you're good friends. but with jikook, i couldnt see how their gazes towards each other could be passed off as anything platonic, how their actions+body language could ever be seen as platonic.
so what did i do? did i give up? oh hell no im stubborn as fuck. but we're getting there.
i ignored every jikook moment and brought my focus back on taekook, i started watching analysis and moments again. in a span of a few weeks, the security around my ship had improved after pretending that i didnt feel like a stupid mf after MMA 2018. haha. it sorta worked lol. sorta.
march-may, 2019
these were my last months as a taekooker.
after all that shit, all i wanted was more taekook moments to make me feel better about myself. and i did get quite a few. however, as i said before, they looked like they had boundaries. i couldnt look at them exactly the same.
i was busy in april with my class tests, i doubt i had much time to catch up with the boys. so when the tests ended, it was most likely in the last week of april or the first few days of may.
we all know what happened in the first few days of may, don't we? in case you don't, this is what happened.
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surprisingly, i clearly remember the first time i got to know about it.
it was in class, i just arrived and then one of my friends and i start talking and she goes [this convo is all translated from bengali]
"hey did you see what jungkook did at the latest concert?"
"no, i didn’t, what did he do?"
"he went and literally sucked on jimins ear!"
i was shocked once again, my eyes went wide, my heart did a backflip..all that shit. i didnt believe it at first.
"don't joke around like that, you're being absurd" i said.
"im not kidding bro, he sucked jimins ear in the rosebowl concert last week, ill send you a link too"
when i got back home, sure enough, the link was there and i saw jungkooks ear nibbling in all its glory, albeit a bit low quality. but no doubt he took that ear into his mouth and i knew it.
surely i must've given up now? no, but im this🤏 close we're almost there i promise
i went online and found lots of tkkrs denying that jungkook ever took jimin's ear into his mouth and that jimin's ear only got caught on jk's chin. but..if it got caught on jk's chin then that means his chin was behind jimin's ear, and his lips must have been at least kissing jimin's ear, given that we couldnt see them very well. the lip we could see was the upper lip, which again lead me to be believe that jungkook did indeed, suck jimin's ear.
yeah, my faith in tkk was crumbling into millions of pieces. because i couldnt see how jungkook, being in a supposed relationship with taehyung, could do that with tae's best friend. i sure as hell wouldnt let my partner get away with that, nor would i ever do that myself with someone else other than my partner. even if its to comfort them. it just goes way over platonic boundaries.
i was seriously considering shifting over to jikook by now. but before that, i searched lots of shit up abt jikook.
there i saw an interview where jimin talked about the tokyo trip with jungkook. what i believed until now was that vminkook were supposed to go tgthr but jikook were the ones with time off, and tae didnt have time off. jimin said he told taehyung and jungkook that he wants to go on a trip to Japan. he didnt say he wanted to go on a trip WITH taehyung and jungkook. yall, ive told my wishes to go to japan and turkey multiple times to my friends, does that mean im taking their asses with me? no. mind you, jimin has said he wanted to go on a trip alone with jungkook multiple times in their rookie era. on jimin's bday of 2017, jungkook tweeted a pic of him(jimin) with the caption "Its not over yet.." and shortly after, we find out jikook went on a tokyo trip by THEMSELVES with no staff, no managers and no other members. dropped off at the airport by jungkook's dad and brother and jimin's dad. jungkook paid for everything and put a hell lot of time into making the masterpiece that is gcf in tokyo WITH a bgm of a gay fucking song by a queer fucking artist and showed the fucking rainbow colored ferris wheel at the line "love is a road that goes both ways".
also
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its clear who the main model of gcf is.
you can deny the trip being only for jikook, but you can not deny the symbolism and significance shown in gcf in tokyo. saying "jungkook didnt understand the song, hes not fluent in english" - is so small minded and belittling.
saying he didnt show jimin on the parts "boy, im holding onto something, wont let go of you for nothing, im running, running just to keep my hands on you" on purpose is not only straight up denial but also understimating jungkook's intelligence and artistic capabilities, saying that jungkook isnt smart enough to get the meaning behind these words. and just because hes korean. thats fucking racist if you ask me.
then i discovered the iconic osaka vlives, i was convinced. it was my last straw along with rosebowl.
alas, after around a week of denial, i gave up and became a jikooker in mid may of 2019. ive never looked back. over the years they've only given us more and more evidence and i doubt my beliefs will ever change soon.
i hope this was kinda fun to read, i had been planning to do this for a long time. im glad i finally got to say my thoughts out here. thank you for taking the time to read this<3
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woomycritiques543 · 1 year
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Except, this forgets the fact that…
I dont know…
Vivziepop tends to higher multiple celeberties for her work nowadays, specifically mostly comedians, a grade voice actors, and the main character for her INDIE cartoon being voiced by one of the biggest youtube creators? Hell- most of who Vivziepop herself hires nowadays for her actually indie shows are not small actors trying to make it big, she hires CELEBRITIES AND BROADWAY ACTORS to pull herself up and not actually help other creators. Because if she did, she wouldnt have tried to blacklist her workers away from being hired for Far Fetched (Because that’s what saying “Pwease dont put them on your project this is swooooo important to meh! I know that they have to pay bills and stufff but this is MY show pwease dont hire them!” is, blacklisting.), this being confirmed by Erin Frost through their archives of Vivziepop’s mistreatment, and though yes, much of the more screwed up stuff was evidence towards other artists so Erin wasnt able to share most of it for privacy reasons, and they may have actually messed up in a few places and need to work on their own behavior- BUT THE MISTREATMENT WAS REAL! There’s proof of this all over the internet, not just from Erin Frost, but multiple people who worked there, and- theres evidence RIGHT THERE just by how fast Helluva Boss’s episodes are releasing!
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Also yes, she does mostly hire big name, professional, and broadway actors, as for Helluva Boss alone she managed to get:
Not joking...
Don Darryl Rivera- broadway.
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Richard Horvitz- THE VOICE ACTOR OF INVADER ZIM!
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Erica Lindbeck- An anime voice actor, who's also a voice actress in The Owl House and MULTIPLE million dollar projects!
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Vivian Nixon- Someone who's in GREY'S ANATOMY, one of the most succesful medical dramas of all time, plays Millie!
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Barrett Wilbert Weed- Who was one of the actresses in "Heathers"!
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Even Erica Lutterel, just plays a background villain that's just meant for comedic releif in this show- and she's an actress that's played in Steven Universe- AND THE ORIGINAL MAGIC SCHOOL BUS!
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Norman Reedus- WHO'S NORMAN FUCKING REEDUS THAT GETS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR EACH OF HIS ROLES!
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Jonathan Freeman-
JAFAR.
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So I think it's really safe to assume- no- to KNOW that Vivziepop outright refuses to hire mostly indie actors, and instead, pulls herself up and other indie creators down by hiring mostly BIG NAME ACTORS WORTH MILLIONS OF DOLLARS! -so to say that "she's going to hire broadway or movie actors" isnt even an assumption anymore, we already know that she does this! She could have easily replaced the Hazbin cast with more indie actors- but instead let the fame get to her head and now hires exclusively big name actors for her projects with little to no actors who havent been in at least ONE million dollar project at some point in their life.
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Look at this cast-
LOOK AT THIS!
Should we even still call this an "indie" project anymore if it's a mainstream, million dollar show that has a corperate movie level cast in multiple episodes?! This looks like something i'd see on the average Disney movie- not a indie show, this is far from indie at this point. More than eight people, one of which literally is in the cast of a Disney film! So "It's A24 so she's going to hire mostly indie people" MY ASS! She is not going to hire mostly indie, even for her actual indie project she didnt hire mostly "indie" and instead hired million dollar actors who's been in multiple big name movies! Also- of course, I found this from someone who reblogged this from "PetitPrincess1" because as usual, since this person tries to manipulate the public and attack people, on a daily basis. Petit posted this manipulation tactic to get people not to see the fact that Vivziepop has now hired multiple million dollar movie actors! Sick of this manipulative crap-
People, if you see someone reblog random Twitter posts- DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE REBLOGGING! Because before you know it- you end up being manipulated into not seeing something like this!☝️Dont fall for it, even if it's a tweet from Vivziepop- dont fall for it and do your research before trusting someone, anyone! That you see online.
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autogynocrat · 5 months
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What kind of thoughts did u have when u first started questioning gender? I am wondering if I’m a chaser because I’m a repressor.
well it was kinda a very gradual thing where i had this dysphoria that only got worse every year, tho i didn't realize it was dysphoria until i talked to trans friends about it at around 26. this is very long so brace yourself and it doesn't cover my earliest trans thoughts from childhood, just my dysphoria era
i always had these depressive episodes about my facial hair growing in where i was so depressed i couldn't get out of bed, and I'd end up with a bloody face from how hard i would try to shave bc no matter how close the shave it never felt like enough, i could still feel it. and the male body odor. the haunting smell of my own body. thee size of my shoulders and jaw in the mirror. it was this general malaise about myself
but! it was also this promise. to myself. that if anything ever happened to my testicles that would require their removal i would just pull the trigger on getting hrt. i always figured "im not trans but if i had no balls I'd need to take some hormones to stay healthy, and I'd rather have estrogen. i won't have to worry about my infertility if i have no balls so i won't have any reason not to transition". people had told me to consider going on hormones before but at first i said i didn't want to because i wanted kids one day. later on other people kept telling me i was an egg and i am an obstinate person so i repressed harder to spite the people calling me an egg. my biggest mistake imo.
fast forward to my worst episode. so every year people would tell me that i can't be a femboy forever that eventually its not gonna be cute anymore, I'll look like the 50 year old sissy fetishists who gross everyone out.
every year i had a right winger redpill "friend" who told me i was a year closer to hitting the wall and i needed to give up the femboy shit and take testosterone and become a gymrat, that I'll get a girlfriend if i did that, that I'll be happy.
i did not want to become like that. but i also felt like it was true that "twinkdeath" was approaching. what could i do? my body was masculinized more every year. i tried for maybe 6 months to convince myself "well maybe i can age gracefully become a handsome man" but i would break down when i imagined living the rest of my life as a man.
i just couldn't do it. the thought drove me into the worst episode of my life. and around the same time i saw links on twitter for how to buy estrogen from overseas pharmacies. so i talk to my trans friend about my gender problem. she went through something similar and was happier after trans. so i bite the bullet. i would rather grow old as a trans woman than a cis man. i dont think i cold handle being a cis man long enough to grow old.
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horatioo · 1 month
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vent/long post, this is probably the most ive talked about mcyt in years wow
not to vaguepost abt random tumblr users in tags but maybe, just maybe-
the reason im so pressed about tommy, specifically, is because i am rightfully pretty fucking upset that this behavior got overlooked for years and it seems like all anyone fucking cares about is "emotional processing" and "gathering words".
everyone cares about how tommy hasnt said shit, ignoring the fact that hes had surgery recently, ignoring shubbles OWN WORDS about wilbur being physically abusive, ignoring actual video evidence, and all they care is they can make fun of a guy whos "too loud".
they care about looking good.
and not the actual physical safety of somebody who is literally the same fucking age as me.
if tommy doesnt speak out any time soon i will not blame him, because i believe shubble and niki and all the other people whove come forward and said wilburs an abusive piece of shit.
and i believe my own gut feelings from fucking 2020 when everyone was tagging this sort of behavior as "#goals" and "#omg so wholesome!!" and all i could do was feel sick.
and those gut feelings say that wilbur is dangerous to everyone hes hurt and especially dangerous to those in close proximity to him.
and no, tommy isnt my biggest priority, im just only making posts about him because i have not watched ANYONE in that circle since at least 2021. i have no idea who is who, i dont know any of these people.
my biggest priority right now IS shubble, but the thing is i kind of want shubbles tag to be KIND to them right now. because she probably desperately needs it, knowing twitter. i want there to be one place where she can go and its nice and kind.
she was incredibly brave, speaking out against him. i am so so fucking proud of her. i know how it feels to be the person on the other end. i know that they probably felt like they were wrong or no one would believe them. i know that they were fucking terrified.
she deserves nothing but kindness right now.
and unfortunately, i am not in the right headspace to be kind. so i havent been speaking on it. when i am in the right headspace to be kind, i will.
but not right now, because right now i just have angry words for wilbur and angry thoughts of how everyone laughed at the behavior of the man who verbally abused people on stream and said it was "just jokes".
its all fun and games until someone gets hurt. its all laughs until you cant laugh anymore because its "problematic" to.
idk. im incredibly fucking disappointed in a large portion of the community. im incredibly angry at wilbur but im not surprised at all because on reflection he has been showing this type of behavior for years, its just he was a hot pretty white man so nobody wanted to think about it.
im angry because i know nobody will give a shit after its all said and done.
and im angry because this shit thats happened to shubble and niki and tommy and god knows who else has happened to me, and its always, always a joke to people.
and god, was the whole world laughing at them.
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smolsammichowo · 4 months
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I think my feelings on people arguing over if AEW or WWE is better is that one scene from the mickey mouse cartoon where Minnie Mouse finds a hat that is just the same hat she's wearing on her head & the group with her is like "oh I dont know maybe you should try it on..." & stuff ,
meanwhile Donald Duck, is like "ITS THE SAME HAT." over & over.
I'm Donald. except instead of hats, its pro wrestling. Its the SAME stuff. Its different companies & different styles of showing off stuff & different people but ITS PRO WRESTLING. ITS THE SAME OVER THE TOP VIOLENT SPORTS THEATER.
And I may say "Oh I perfer this stuff in AEW" or "I like this person in WWE" or "My favorite pro wrestler of all time is in AEW" or "Oh my gosh that match in wwe was the coolest ever!" but I just like them both in the end because they're both pro wrestling. Its more pro wrestling for me to enjoy. Same with other companies like NJPW, Impact/TNA (so happy more cool stuff is coming soon for them!) , Dragon Gate, ROH, and so much more !
I'm not saying "Oh! You dont like that company? Well you're bad!" You're fine to not like it, I'm just refering to the people who are like "Oh this guy who is super big star is signed with this comapny now! This company is trash now! Its gonna fail & die out! Haha!" & people who always focus on view counts and say "LOOK! This airing got a lot of people more watching than this show! They are failing!"
I wouldn't say that's failing. I would say all of that is pro wrestling is doing wonderful !
In the end for me, I just love pro wrestling & I'm just happy that I'm a pro wrestling fan in this age as there is so much content to watch (though a bit TOO much because I cant keep up with the fun madness AAAAA ) And I just find it silly that some people instead of enjoying it are just wishing the downfall of stuff! I
Also one more thing Im happier that tumblr has longer posts than twitter so i could talk about this!
Anyway heres a rant down below because here's a reason why I havent talked about pro wrestling a lot on twitter
I only mentioned on twitter that I dont talk about it much anymore given on twitter the fanbase there is a nightmare and people are scary (seriously compared to ANY fanbase Ive ever been in , sports fanbases especially pro wrestling where people REAAALLLY dont understand the "entertainment" part a lot of the time can be nuts. Especailly a shame given sometimes I really do want to talk about pro wrestling given its one of my all time favorite things & then I got people who just call me things just because my favorite wrestler either hasn't done much, isnt a champion, or isnt in their "favorite company"
Like bruh . If it makes you that miserable to just randomly comment on someones post talking about their favorite person like that why ya a fan . I used to be a huge fan of overwatch , still love the characters (after all i have two characters, one being one of my main online personas ) & such but I dropped the game because it made me miserable & that wasnt good for my mental health which then effect my physical. same with tiktok. I had 55k+ followers on there, that was my biggest following count on any social media site, but I dropped that shit because I was getting physically in pain from headaches from stress & being upset from that place & deleted that app & my account that had that many on there.
Aannnndd this just is exactly why I dont tallk about pro wrestling as much as I used to anymore. That above me happens. I just go off like I did lol . I apologize for that. But yea, I do still wanna do fanart for wrestlers in the future of course! After all they are a huge reason why I got back into art in a really fucked up time when I was younger in the first place .
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hey, i havent been in the cp fandom in ages, but i saw your post about cppses and was curious ? like did anything major happen with them (aside from ykno. cpr) ?
well! first i will preface with a few things.
this is my opinion on the subject and i'm not likely to change it so for anyone looking to debate in my inbox or replies.
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since i have a very...negative opinion on this situation, i'll put this on a readmore. if you don't want to see that towards cpl post shutdown or in general don't read further.
so! club penguin legacy shut down. which was basically one of the more popular cppses post cpr's shutdown, though it didn't have nearly as many players at the time of it's closure.
disney came for them with a dmca recently and while their twitter page currently says theyre "temporarily paused" theyre still offline as of now.
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i have my suspicions as to why. theres a reason why ttr, the biggest toontown server out there doesn't take donations after all.
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my friend @/selfawarecobalt aka ben also worked with them and is fine with me saying it here so i will mention he didn't enjoy his time as an artist by the time he quit at all (months before this). when we talked about his experiences working for them, he mentioned a godawful lack of communication and not being considered "real" staff despite making free art for them. so the fact that he too had a crummy experience leaves More of a bad taste in my mouth.
anyways cpl (as i mentioned a while ago on my nowadays sporadically active main) started acting like they were a brand, and used official staff names from #waddleon skits. and genuinely, i have never seen a cpps EVER call themself a brand. or have a page for parents...like a real version of club penguin would. i've also had Other issues on a more personal level like being harrassed for criticizing things in their discord server, and seeing how the community treated some nonbinary characters and sometimes real nonbinary people raised my hackles too.
i could go on about my feelings but honestly? cpls not worth my time anymore. most cppses aren't worth my time anymore. i told myself a while ago when cpr closed that i wasnt gonna sit here and let cppses dictate how i feel about the real game, and i wont! other than a small handful of cppses i feel some level of fondness for (cp3d, cpr, vintage penguin) or am cautiously interested in (super penguin/scp's rehaul) i feel completely and utterly Nothing towards cppses. and the ones i dont feel nothing towards, i feel Annoyance. and so, after being informed a cpps recently made a tumblr account i drew gun scrabble to make my stance clear: i do Not want my art associated with cppses if i can help it unless I go out of my way to make art for them!
that, and honestly? most cppses are just too stressful to be worth playing anymore, at least for me. you're either anxiously waiting for disney to kill it, or youre dealing with a volatile community. i have much more fun thinking about and rotating my penguin ocs (and canon characters but i Especially love my silly noncanon birds and "birds" <3) than i have playing cppses since well...when cpr closed!
tldr: cpl closed, presumably due to their patreon and acting increasingly more like a brand/corporate entity and not a fangame. local bird drawing nerd learned to stop worrying about cppses and Enjoy the fanart and ocs they make instead
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actualbird · 1 year
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I was talking to someone abt how my cat always meows in front of my bedroom door because he wants to be let inside (even when I'm not in my room). And they told me that I should put up a sign for him that says "gone fishing" so he knows I'm not in the room and I immediately thought abt Giann Von Hagen Standard Operating Procedure x4 speedrun(tm) bc I literally reread the fic yesterday (it's amazing btw, I love the Von Hagens, I love polynxx that fic was like a dream come true). Btw idk if u even remember this one but I still think about your 'how to care for your dear friend who is currently stuck in his magical serpent form' fic on a daily basis.
omg ur cat sounds like a darling!!! we also have a cat here at home, owned by my older sister, and this cat also loves to sit at the doorway and meow Very Loudly but specifically when people have left the room and she wants people In The Room to Witness Her
witness her doing what??? not much. our cat just likes having a human present javkfjhaskf
cat ramble aside, hhHHH im so glad you enjoyed both those fics you mentioned 🥺🥺🥺
"standard operating procedure (x4 speedrun)" is going down in my personal hall of fame for many reasons, the biggest one being the fact that it was the first WIP in years that i managed to start, update, and complete without getting distracted by another other fic. genuinely, i have no idea how i did that back then i'd like some answers from past!zak...wHAT WAS YOUR SECRET?? AND HOW CAN I DO IT AGAIN 😭😭😭
i definitely have not forgotten about "how to care for your dear friend who is currently stuck in his magical serpent form", this WIP is very dear to me and ive mumbled a bit on twitter abt how i wanna turn marius back into a human and finish that fic once and for all with its 4th chapter before 2022 ends (an entire year-wait for probably de-noodle-ification and soul repair jahvsfkjahsfa) but...im very...Very Very hesitant....to make any promises whatsoever on my fic writing progress and schedule. like ajhsvfkajhsfvaks at this point, i just dont talk abt what im writing anymore bc i never stick to schedule anyway so. it will be as much as a surprise to me as it is to readers when my WIPs will update!! JHAJHDASJFH
still, it's rlly rlly nice to see that you enjoy both fics :')!!! the dragon!marius fic especially since it's from a while back and it's imcomplete haunts me everyday along with every other WIP i havent updated OTL
i too love the von hagens very much <3!! thank u for telling me abt ur cat! and the sign! and that u think abt my fics :'D
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jortslinson · 1 year
Note
Hello! I know this is gonna sound weird and you don’t always get questions like this but i want you to answer this questions bc i feel like you’re not like the other larries i see on twitter who take everything as proof. i was a solo harrie at first and tbh i’ve always hated the way this fandom treats louis, i listened to fitf and it’s so good and i’m now obsessed with him he deserves so much better. i watched the larry marathon yesterday because i was curious and there’s NO way these two weren’t together like it’s so obvious but i don’t know if they are still together rn so can you please tell me why you believe they’re still together?
(First of all, so sorry I'm answering this so late. I didnt get my laptop out once all weekend in pursuit of self-care.)
I debated answering this with something funny like "grass is still green and the sky is still blue" because often I see people get these kinds of messages only to be bombarded with people questioning their reasonings and I'm just hoping that doesn't happen, because I will not entertain it because I'm not here to convince anyone, ya know?
But anyway...its not just one thing for me. I've been a larrie since 2012 and left the fandom for the first time in 2016 (I never unlarried or anything like that just wasnt active in fandom) and returned in 2020 so I've seen just about everything but still had to open my mind to what I had missed when I returned. That catch up game is was super overwhelming (and honestly sometimes I feel like I'm still catching up on those years I missed) so I cannot imagine what it is like to have 12 years of things thrown at you at once. I think new people, not at their own fault, miss a lot of context and patterns that I and many larries experienced in real time that just cant come across well in things like the larry marathon. I've only seen about half of the larry marathon but when I watched it I was just screaming like "but no!!! you arent even mentioning Why that is such a big deal or What was going on in the fandom at that time!!" So I think a lot of patterns and "coincidences" and things like that can seem unrealistic and silly when you are taking a surface level look at it. And I don't mean to imply you or other new people only take a surface level look I am just setting up why I think there can be this demand almost for some kind of concrete proof that they are still together that we just are never going to get, unless something awful happens like an outing which none of us should ever want or they decide to come out.
So my short answer is: nothing about their songs, their attitudes, their coding, their closets, their stunts, their coding, and the pattern of "coincidences" have changed enough from what I experienced during the band to now to make me believe they are not still together. The music is probably the biggest thing to me, plus the things they do that no one would do if they knew a huge portion of their fanbase thought they were in a secret relationship called larry (habit, blue bandana, blue greening, covering 7...just to name a few!). I know people argue they "dont know about those things" or "dont care what larries say" but that is just not true based on the last 12 years of events. That would genuinely be larry baiting. Especially if someone believes they Were in a relationship but arent anymore...why would they continue to make references to their past relationship in the ways they do? That is just my main mindset. I know people talk about how much they are apart and how long they are together, but literally they are two adults in a long term relationship. Long term relationships arent like the rarest things in the world, in fact people stay together a lot longer than HL have. We do not know how often they see each other, when they make time to be together, what kind of compromises they have made for their careers. They're just people and I just think they are adults now who handle the hurdles in their relationship like adults. What you or me might do in their situation could be 100% different to what they decide to do, especially because we will literally never know the details of what and how they decide. Plus, the tattoos. I have to mention the tattoos.
Sorry this actually ended up being so long! I just have lots of thoughts. But really I'm so glad you're here and that you love them both and get to experience their love for each other!!
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whatagirlwants · 6 months
Note
It’s kinda hilarious how olivia stans on twitter try to re write history and make it seem like olivia is the biggest victim out of the DL 2021 drama… like if anything she got the best outcome out of the three and at the peak of the drama people were sending josh and sabrina death threats on HER behalf. I personally think they just hate the fact that the gp is starting to realize they way this teenage breakout got overdramatized was insane and both sabrina and joshua really didn’t have to go through all of that and they secretly hate it, i fear they want josh and sabrina to get hated on until they die 😵‍💫 goes to show how they were always the bitter ones and they can’t move on
honest thoughts:
i think all fandoms are dramatic. i hate how joshua fans to this day use his “problems” and “infection” (forgot what its called but the thing that happened to him) to this day to make him a saint and an angel. when he isnt and its okay.
Sabrina fans to this day will keep talking about the hate she received when the smart move is to move on and not TIE HER to the DL fiasco. theres a reason she doesnt sing Skin & its also cause she knows Joshua didnt deserve her & she got shit for a relationship that went to shit cause of him. like sabrina said abt skin she isnt in that place anymore.
Olivia fans want to make it all about her how she was 17/18 and had to deal with “narratives” made about her #1 hit song worldwide. when lets be honest like i wouldn’t give a fuck what anyone says if my fav already won the situation cause Olivia did. Like she was the winner and still is the winner so why care if some accounts said anything like her numbers are proving everyone wrong.
which is why i think is weird for some livies account making “troll” accounts to obsess over sabrina and spread fake rumors. like what will you or olivia gain ? does it really bother u to see Sabrina do well ? Olivia is already doing better than her so why try to sabotage someone else.
back to the plot, all fandoms are dramatic, i think everyone needs to move on in some ways.
but i will say i do also hate it when someone brings up an eics track or how joshua also treated Sabrina, theres always a joshua fan replying “its 2023 move on” maybe its cause i hate that when its Olivia everyone cared but if its about Sabrina its “move on”. its not like if someone points out Sabrina lyrics and how it relates to Joshua that it would start the “DL hate train” all over again. cause it cant and wont. it didnt reach the GP and the GP dgaf about joshua they only did when it was all “new” to them. anyways thats just a personal thing that pisses me off personally.
another thing i hate when most Joshua fans / Joshua + Sabrina fans say “we almost had we both know but the hate ruined it” NO. Joshua did not scrap it cause “people were hating on him and sabrina”. he scrapped it cause HE BROKE UP WITH HER. he wasnt gonna release a song with his ex. mind u Sabrina released Skin if anything shes much stronger than Joshua and would’ve not given a fuck what anyone thinks and would've released we both know *if they were together* but Joshua freaked out, pushed her away, brokeup with her over DL. and then lead her on most of 2021 until Sabrina realized this isnt fixable. cause she was writing songs like “tornado warnings” while also still posting “feel something” on her story to support him when they werent together. she commented on his post a 🤍 when she didnt have to cause they weren’t together anymore.
ok i made my point and listed fandom things i hate 😭 anyways some livies just need to move on but so do joshua and sabrina fans from the DL fiasco but (so i dont look biased when u read my posts here) that doesnt mean i wont call out Joshua on his relationship with Sabrina. i am not sending dts or supporting anyone who does im just analyzing the situation thats btwn him and sabrina (not dl &olivia) .cause to me thats not the same situation.
all fandoms will make it about their favs i guess but i agree with u in the part that she got the best outcome so why to rewrite history.
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gnfkitten · 3 years
Note
my favorite part of warrior cats is the grotesque story of squirrelflight, ashfur, and the extended cast of cats that sound like they came out of an ajj song
this gal named squirrelflight flirts with a guy named ashfur a few times. typical 80s romance song. its quick, its fleeting. squirrelflight gets together with brambleclaw. its all real lovely. brambleclaw gets promoted to leader after squirrelflights dad goes into retirement and makes his deputy the chief. brambleclaw is now bramblestar
(before the promotion and after the marriage, brambleclaw leads the entire 4 clans to a new territory. not relevant. he also stabs his brother in the neck with a tent stake)
and then squirrelflights sister leafpool, who is a medicine cat and sworn into celibacy, has sex with a guy from windclan named crowfeather. this is something all the cats are sworn not to do. double illegal.
crowfeather is a bit of a whore because he was previously in love with another girl who went on a magical journey with him when he was a child. (brambleclaw was there for that too. brambleclaw is eternal and everywhere) the girl crowfeather was in love with got impaled by a falling stalagmite while protecting a tribe of savage feral cats with names very similar to english translations of a few native american names i know. interesting. racist? there was a mountain lion involved
yeah so they have sex and leafpool gets pregnant. but since she did two crimes in one she gives the kids to squirrelflight and pretends they belong to her and brambelstar. theres an uncomfortable birthing scene because the kids decided to emerge from her cat uterus in the middle of a snowstorm. this is very telling of their characters after birth
theres three kids. jayfeather lionblaze and hollyleaf. jayfeather is very angry. lionblaze is angry but in a brave way. hollyleaf loves rules. they are a legendary trio
theres a thing about superpowers, and a prophecy or something. jay is sickly and blind and can see peoples thoughts. lionblaze never loses any fights, ever, and he maims ashfur a little while theyre trianing. hollyleaf doesnt have any powers, but she is absolutely obsessed with the warrior code and gets caught up with a guy named sol who says the world is gonna end. none of this is relevant except the "bootlicker hollyleaf" thing
ashfur is stewing. ashfur has been stewing for years now. long enough that they literally brought all 4 clans across the continent to a new territory kind of stewing. hes lonely. he misses the girl he was madly in love with, and shes married to the coolest guy in town. hes in agony. (over in windclan, crowfeather has a new girlfriend. manwhoring as long as he lives)
theres a big fire. thunderclans entire territory sets on fire. everyone is escaping, except for squirrelflight and her three kids. jayfeather, lionblaze, and hollyleaf, who is contemplating becoming an antivaxxer or something
imagine this: a clearing on the edge of a pit. the pit is where the cats live. everything is on fire around this clearing. there is one log running across the clearing, and squirreflight and her fake kids are going along it to escape. theyre the last out
ashfur appears he stands at the other end of the log. hes pissed. hes crying. he hates squirrelflight. he hates her so much. his rage is all consuming, like the fire that burns around them. he says he wants her in as much pain as possible, and he knows how: taking the only thing she loves in this world. her 3 kids
we all know something ashfur doesnt. the kids arent hers. squirrelflight, though non an omnipresence, is gifted with this knowledge herself.. she sees ashfurs twisted evil mind and tells him, flat out that they arent hers. she doesnt love them. he can kill them, they mean nothing to her. they are, after all, just her sister leafpool's. why would she care for them?
ashfur is stunned. he gives up. he leaves. squirrelflight and her three kids leave. its a bit awkward. imagine the thanksgiving dinner table after a particularly bad argument. thats all this is really
anyways. hollyleaf is broken from this. shes the daughter of a medicine cat and a manwhore from a clan that only eats rabbits. she cant take it. much like ashfur, she snaps
there are these big clan meetings, once every month. everyone goes, except the old people and the dying people and the kids who just want juiceboxes and lunchables. thunderclan is heading out to the Meeting Island. they find a body in the river. surprise! its ashfur
they go on to the gathering despite finding the body of one of their finest, most mentally haunted warriors polluting the stream with the blood seeping out of his slit throat. the three kids are there. squirrelflight is there. leafpool is there. bramblestar is there
this story has very weird heathers energy to me. its there, but it isnt coherant. like a bad remix of 100 gecs, sort of. this part is no exception
hollyleaf runs up to the big tree the clan leaders stand on and monologue. shes not allowed to do this. perhaps the sense that she lost her identity with her illigitimate birth turned into something real, that the warrior code didnt matter anymore. perhaps she was just tired of being kind; she wanted to go apeshit
she confesses. to two things. number one - the muderder of ashfur. how tragic. number two - leafpool. leafpools affar with crowfeather. squirrelflights lies to her for her entire life. theres chaos. thunderclan is like stan twitter after a minecraft youtuber said something racist 8 years ago. the 3 other clans are trying desperately to get in on this drama. the hot tea of the hour if you will
hollyleaf says her share. she runs away. lionblaze and jayfeather chase after her all the way back to the thunderclan territory. she yells at them. she runs into a tunnel and gets crushed by rocks. thats the end. shes dead.
jk jk that was a lie shes alive and shes living in a huge cave system with a ghost cat. remember the native american coded mountain tribe? yeah, they had ancestors. the ancestors lived at the territory the 4 clans moved to after squirelflight flirted with ashfur and before she got together with bramblestar. they used to drown little kids in the tunnels. jayfeather is the entire reason why the ancestors moved to the mountains and became the racist mountain tribe. i wont explain the timeline of this, and i dont think i could if i tried
up above hollyleafs slowburn romance with a transparent cat, theres a new girl with superpowers. prophecy fulfilled yadda yadda. her sister is annoyed that she isnt #quirky and so she joins a fighting cult run by the cats in hell. i cannot stress this enough its literally every cat from the 50 some books before this who went to hell. they have an army of children. theyre training them. the sister kills one of her classmates and becomes equals with the hell cats. my second favorite plotline in the series
the hell cats come to the land of the living. the sister betrays them. theres a big battle, and its supposed to be the end of the series but you know theyre gonna continue it for at least 20 more books. (they did). hollyleaf appears, and i dont think its ever explained how or why. but shes back, and she joins the battle. everyones too busy with the literal hell cats to care much about some kid with a body count of 1 appearing randomly
hollyleaf fights a bit. she gets mauled to death. thats the end. its just over. she dies and she doesnt come back. rip to a queen
i think my biggest question besides why would someone create this ad continue to do so for fifty plus books, is how the fuck brambleclaw stabbed his brother with a tent stake when he literally doesn’t even have hands. what.
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joot-aro · 2 years
Note
the way I did not even think that the aro = aromantic bc I thought it was just a stylized jot(aro),,, anyway if I may invite you to please talk about ace/aro jotaro :))
HGDLKJFLKJSDFLJ thats fair honestly. fun fact early on making this blog i kinda wanted arojotaro but that was taken so i went for joot-aro. and then when i was changing my twitter url i wanted joot_aro but that was taken (somehow???) and i had to settle for arojotaro
anyway aroace jotaro is probably one of my favorite headcanons ever for so many reasons partly because how well it fits w his character and partly because I am aroace and i like him ™ (i said this so many times that its not a joke anymore. this is how all headcanons should be assigned actually it's way more fun and epic this way). i think in general my fav aspec headcanons are for characters that have a big focus on how much they love/care for other people without really any conversation about romantic love at all. and jotaro is like. one of the biggest examples of this imo. it's honestly a little hilarious if you look at it from a certain angle bc youve got so much of jotaro caring about his family members and the rest of the sdc and the morioh trio but the one person he married he gets zero screentime with and he also divorced her offscreen likejfklrjnejkrnfjke. araki went hey have this character who is filled with a lot of love for people and he cant fully express it to them but it's ultimately what fuels him and motivates him to fight. and also i guess he married this one woman Lmao. im going to develop the relationships between jotaro and everyone else so hard but im going to give the relationship between jotaro and his wife 0.1 seconds of panel time. i am the funniest manga writer alive
also i sometimes think about that stupid interview where araki says "i dont think [jotaro] is interested in women that much" and pass away bc its the closest thing to aro jotaro confirmation im getting and it's only from the second most cursed araki interview ever. like it takes the spot just under the interview where araki confirmed dio is bi. this house is a nightmare
anyway i dont know where i was going with this so if theres one thing you take away from this its that jotaro is totally aroace just trust me bro he has the vibes just trust me
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kookie-doughs · 3 years
Text
Beta Tester
Kozume Kenma X Reader
-YN LN is a popular mangaka
Chapter 16: Stage
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Seeing you running towards him made Kenma frown.
"Kenma!" You waved. "Thank you for not leaving yet!"
Ignoring you he continued to walk towards the direction of the stage.
You pouted and crossed your arms. "You know... As sorry as I am for that kiss I really don't regret it."
Jogging up in front of him with a shit eating grin, you positioned yourself in front of him where he'd have no choice but to look at you while you looked at him. His ears were slightly red without a doubt but who were you kidding yours were too.
Kenma cleared his throat, "Good for you then. Now get out of the way so I could get out of here. "
"And honestly I liked that kiss." You continued determined to see him flustered again. "Your lips were soft and I bet my ass you're a great kisser. I rate you 10/10 would do it again."
With a glare he looked at you straight in the eyes, "So do it pussy." Then went ahead before you could see the red settling on his face.
"I- Wh- Excuse me- Wh- Huh? K-Ken- Kenma!!" You squeaked as you chased after him.
"I said what I said."
You finally caught up to him when he was about to climb the stairs towards the stage. Luckily(?) you also have to go up with him.
"Ehh... Where's the flustered Kenma? I wanted to see you all blushy and panicked. You looked so adorable. I don't want hot daddy Dom Kenma. I want cute baby sub Kenma..."
As he was halfway up the stairs your height gap grew and he was way over you. He just looked down on you, leaning closer the gap barely existent he smirked.
"Too bad." Then turned away.
There were a handful of people who saw the scene. Which made you more embarrassed. Holy shit you acted all alpha online only to be dominated by a hermit named Kozume Kenma.
Boy were you happy. You'd happily submit to him.
"Let us all welcome the two people who made the game possible! YN LN and Kozume Kenma!!"
You might be confused why you two were the ones going and why you were introduced like that.
As you are the creator of Puri-Puri you of course are the reason why this game existed.
But Kenma came here as he's the biggest investor, the face of the game and no one else wanted to go. So yeah...
As you two came up the stage you were just wishing the blush from the scene a few moments ago. The cameras flashed and claps were heard.
"Shit the media is here..." You mumbled.
"Your surprised, why?" Kenma gave you an amused and disappointed look. No idea how he managed to do that but he did.
"Shut the fuck up. I just got a feeling the questions won't be about the game thanks to the media."
"So you do think sometimes..."
"You want me to hit you?"
A clearing of throat behind you stopped your argument. It was Akaashi handing you both microphones to be clipped on you [I'm sorry I dont know what they're called] .
"Good luck, don't do and say anything stupid. And remember this is the release of PPM's demo." He reminded and got off the stage.
"Good evening to you all! I hope you've been having a great time!" I started.
"We'd like to thank you again for attending the release of PPM's demo."
"Now of course the game is yet to be played but from the trailer that was shown, I hope you had enjoyed it since the game is going to be much better than the trailer!"
"I'm sure you all must've questions as well. That's why Me and your idi-- dear author will answer."
"You definitely were about to call me idiot." You frowned at him.
He smirked and shrugged. "I have not a slightest idea what you mean."
"You're the worst."
Ignoring you... Again. He motioned at one of the reporters to probably ask their question.
"Ms. LN, as the initial plot of the Puri-Puri Magika is about [REDACTED], and the trailer we saw have quite a large difference from one another only having the universe in similarty. Is it just the universe of the similar one to the manga? "
"Of course the plot would be different. It disappoints me quite a bit that none of you realized how they're connected aside from the universe. Well, I don't really want to spoil you but if you actually read the Manga and saw the trailer," You gave a proud smirk. "Everyone that was a fan of PPM in the team were ecstatic. They were all just-" You mimicked a mind blown. "They were so excited about the game and a those."
"Thank you Ms. LN."
"Next please."
"Mr. Kozume," the next one called. "You were neither a fan of YN, nor PPM, why did you decide to not only beta test the game but sponsor and invest big sum of money on the game."
"We--"
"No wait ! I want to answer some of those questions!" You cut off cackling. "The one about him investing and him beta testing! It's actually an annoying and Hella funny story."
"No I was a--"
"Shut up you'll probably lie."
"Shut up." Kenma now had his ears red. "Don't you--"
"He was the biggest asshole back then!"
"Stop talking."
"He fucking beta tested despite not knowing shit about PPM because it was the biggest game. And he just banwagoned  on it like a bitch he was."
"I did not. I had some clues about you Manga."
"You did not know shit about PPM cut yo bullshit. You didn't even know who the MC was!"
"Shut up."
"That's why he beta tested! Now the reason why he invested is really hilarious!"
"I really hate this story..."
"This was the reason why Kenma became Bae too! We didn't know shit about how to contact Kenma, we only had his email address and his social media. Keep that in mind. "
"So since he didn't know shit about PPM he really couldn't care about the plot and just looked for bugs and shit. He wasn't even aware of the bugs in the plot since he didn't know which what was supposed to be part of the plot and not. This bitch ass decided there wasn't any bugs anymore so we went with that. But then we had to play it and saw a shit ton of bugs."
"I said there were some bugs don't make me seems so stupid."
"You didn't even inform us about the glitch at the time skip part! That could've ruined the entire thing! Anywayz, so we had to code the game again. So we emailed him that there were way too many bugs other than what he told us so the next testing would be later. But the asshole never replied. And since I was the one entasked to guide this bitch ass, I  had to flood his email! And he didn't respond! Not once! It had been DAYS! I send him at least 20 emails everyday! I have up on the 3-4th day and DMed him on Twitter."
"I really hate this part."
"No. No. This is the best part. Do y'all remember that one trending #KodzuGone started by Tenma? It's because, this asshole never responded to our emails so I DMed him all the shit important shit in the emails. Then this bitch fucking blocked me! I fucking rante to Tenma and he canceled Kenma like he deserved to! I was panicking about it since Mr. Suzumiya told me that Kenma could be a potential investor if he wanted. And I needed cash... "
"Do not call me that publicly. You are disgusting."
"He went full sugar daddy on me!" You cackled. "His entire squad had betrayed him! They were canceling him so he just fucking slid into my DMs apologizing about the shit he did and I told him, bitch I'm coming over there and see you play this fucking game or I will not stop this canceling and make it worse. So he was forced to telll me his address and I'm not sure if yall saw the live but it was hot shit. The next day he bought all the copies of PPM at this one store and gave them to me and then he invested shit ton of money on my on going works, bought me a new tablet, paid my Keiji bills, and many other shit. Yall would die to have him as sugar daddy I'm telling you. Ya don't even have to give him sugar for the treats. "
"That was the biggest mistake I made."
"Awwe, but thanks to that we're closer than ever. "
"Exactly my point."
"Thank you for answering Ms. LN."
"I hate you so much." Kenma sighed pinching the bridge of his nose.
"No you don't. Admit it you love me."
"I really don't. Next question please."
"A-Ah, my initial question was actually answered in the previous question. It about your live. Now my question is, Ms LN and Mr. Kozume, is your relationship really a platonic one or a romantic one? "
"Okay, babe," You chuckled. "my man won't even let me breathe the same air he does. Ya think we're dating?"
"Well your right."
"What?"
"Excuse me?"
"Huh?! " You exclaimed a little louder than you thought since the mic made a loud noise.
"The relationship we have is both platonic and romantic. As labels aren't placed we share a romantic relationship." Kenma smirked.
You looked at him and the crowd with a clear eminent blush. "I-I I- Wh-"
Pulling you closer to him and turning around so the crowd won't see you both. He lowered the mic to prevent them from hearing.
"I wanted to see you all blushy and panicked . You look adorable." He whispered to your ear before facing the crowd again who were now going crazy over what Kenma had just confirmed.
"Y-You're an asshole..."
"Yeah, an asshole who..." lowering his mic again he leaned to your ear. "Still has your favorite onsie at his place. You really shouldn't have left it at my place. I'm so tempted to burn it."
"You leave my onsie alone! I will drown your consoles."
"With that threat, you're suddenly stripped of your house visit privileges."
"W-Why would you say we're dating?!"
"I didn't. I just said we both share a romantic and platonic relationship with no labels. I technically didn't lie too."
"Why did you do this?"
"Aside from wanting to see you all flustered? I'm probably drunk." Kenma smiled and turned to the crowd again. "Next question please."
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Previous | Masterlist | Next
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I'm sorry lately there's been to many words and less pictures it's just that... Idk
Lol I'm sorry this was supposed to be smau but there's been too many words
Ooc Kenma is shit so I made him drunk
-kookie-doughs
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Taglist?
@gayer-than-the-gayest-gay @synx-ed @normalisthenewnorm @0majuh0 @leachann @nikanikabitch @almondeupeach @immxnty @mer-majesty @yamayoomi @simpingoveranime-men @lostmarimoismyhubby @mariishat @just-snog-already
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sokumotanaka · 3 years
Text
Adressing this “Atlas is falling!” nonsense.
Originally I was gonna wait till I was up to try and get a good rest and maybe hash my thoughts out a little more but now I’m wired and want to talk about something people seem to have issues with from perspectives given to me and my own.
So atlas is falling and originally I saw many different takes on it people outright saying they wish they die, people saying that because rich people reside on it they dont care and more oddly nuanced thought processes, now I use the word nuance cause I want to address a elephant in the room; when I say nuance or hell anything it isn’t instantly to try and insult another person, what’s nuanced to me is my own understanding on what level of discussion is brought to the table, as long as it’s interesting it’s nuanced to me. (and I’ll admit I should of explained it better but at the time I wanted to end it and sleep but I have a bad habit of adressing people who continue talking to me on this site cause sometimes I get weirdly invested thinking it’ll lead to something interesting; no that’s not a dig I just like talking about media.) 
Anyway vv Read more vv
Alot of people who know me or know of me will get this but I wanna clarify it for those who dont and this will also be a great post to point to in the future so I dont accidently burn more bridges, but also understand I’m used to dealing with snide assholes so what you view as sarcasm and harmless cause the people using it are either friends of yours so you dont care; or share your viewpoint so you dont care. either or alot of twitter racist idiots like to use this and alot of rwby stans are straight out stupid so dont try to be snide and quipy.
A close friend of mine told me about Atlas falling apparently the upper plate is going to fall on innocent people, honestly I couldn’t bring myself to care, but I asked her why she didn’t care the plate was gonna fall out of curiosity and the recent drama around this; she point out one of the biggest flaws in rwby that I found myself kinda nodding with. “Weather the plate falls or not I can’t find myself to care about the people in atlas because well...RWBY doesn’t make the background civilians feel real, the characters dont care so I start not to care as well.”
I brought up the last time I felt that was SU and Avatar, a show we could both talk about and know exactly what the other was talking about.
“Exactly! not to mention this isn’t like Avatar where you got to see background characters, live thrive and root for them, Beacon fell and we never saw people from there struggling to live or talking about being displaced etc; Team RWBY just walk away from major problems and we just assume their solved, no one mourns Leo? no family? friends? team? There’s never moments in nations that affect the civilians greatly; hell Oscar’s aunt doesn’t even factor in to his mental state or memories or anything.” Honestly she had a point and it kinda bugged me more cause I never thought of it; I quit vol 6 and the last thing I remembered was a town guard being ripped to shreds asking  where cordova was.
To her it was just an artificial number of mannequins, it wasn’t black and white like “kill them” It was just “I dont care, the writing does them a diservice; RWBY doesn’t have so many “I dropped this.” “RWBY is bad.” videos for nothing, even fans can realize that to alot of them this is just emotional manipulation of the audience, and alot of them have better stances beyond “Just die.” “The writing just takes me out of the scene.” is much more interesting!  And when I talked to alot of people about this they agreed, hell I even got some people to swtich their stances. But I’m losing the forest for the trees, back on topic.
Despite people standing outside including jaune’s sister and her wife and child Jaune doesn’t bring them up or worry as far as my friend and many other eagled eyed people have told me. My friend’s stance isn’t as simple as “let them all die” and yeah I can’t predict everyone’s mindset. (Surely some people think that way. But not all and if they conversation ends in “Yeah but some people think that way. Then the intrique and dicussion is fruitless.) I rather challenge a mindset into thinking about different prespectives than just go. “Well I guess we have to agree we have feelings on subject.” Like a robot.
 Some people just dont care. MY theory about that and my personal reasoning for that is maybe people stopped caring cause either or RT is gonna destroy it and faceless people will die for angst but also it’s a poorly crafted narrative; Pyrrha died and people were like “well that was a thing.” Shock value doesn’t work on people anymore so people just roll their eyes and go “sure RT do what you gotta.” yeah maybe alot of people are like “eat the rich.” I can’t blame them, current events are wild man, and yeah they shouldn’t take it out on fictional characters but at the same time, they’re just that...fictional, someone saying “good let it fall.” isn’t a sign of how people’s perceptions of real life are, that’s ridiculous to think over a cartoon.
So that’s my stance and mine was also altered and challenged by talking to a person about it and not having their passive aggressive friends throw snide remarks and be allowed to while their friend preached for your respect.
The TLDR version is there are many nuanced, detailed and vast takes out there, try not to let it bother you, and using atlas citizens as an example doesn’t work if you use the racist;  Be good to yourselves out there and others; don’t let your friends send death threats to anyone on anon.
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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years
Text
THE BASICS
Name: Stephanie. Gender: Female. Age: 31. Birthday: July 28th.
Race: Caucasian, Mexican, Filipino. School/Grade: I’m done with school. Job: Unemployed. Status: Single. Hometown: Somewhere in California. Current Town: Same place. Parents Still Together?: Yes. Siblings Two brothers. Pets: One doggo named Princess Leia.  Smoker: Nope. Drinker: Nope. Virgin: Yes. Orientation: Straight.
APPEARANCE
Hair Color: Naturally dark brown. Is It Dyed?: I’ve been dyeing it red the past 5 years. I’m way overdue now, though, so a lot of my natural hair color is showing. Eye Color: Brown. Height: Like 5′4. Style: Super casual. Glasses/Contacts/None?: Glasses. Freckles: Yes. Body Type: Thin. Shoe Size: 6 in US women’s.  Piercings: Just my earlobes.  Want More?: Nah. Tattoos?: No. Want More?: -- Braces?: No. Overall Best Feature: Nothing. Overall Worst Feature: Everything. Do you get most of your traits from mom or dad?: I’m told I look like my mom, but I do have distinct features of my dad’s. 
LIKES/DISLIKES
Favorite Color: Pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, yellow. Worst Color: Brown. Favorite Number: 8. Favorite Animal: Doggos and giraffes. Least Favorite Animal: I’m terrified of killer whales. Favorite Flower: I don’t really have one. Favorite Food: Boneless wings, chicken tenders, ramen, pasta, eggs, turkey or bologna sandwiches, pizza. Worst Food: Seafood. Favorite Junk Food: Chips and dip. Worst Junk Food: Uhh. Favorite Restaraunt: Wingstop. Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Strawberry, mint chocolate chip, birthday cake. Favorite Candy: White chocolate. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: None. Favorite NON Alcoholic Drink: Coffee, Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink, Coke, Cherry Coke, Wild Cherry Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, Chocolate and strawberry Yoo-Hoo. Worst Alcoholic Drink: All of ‘em. Worst NON Alcoholic Drink: I’m not a fan of sparkling water or Ginger Ale. Favorite Genre of Music: I like variety. Worst Genre: Hmm. Favorite Band/Artist: I have several. Worst Band/Artist: Uhh. Favorite Song: I have many. Worst Song: There’s a lot I don’t like as well. Favorite Radio Station: I dont listen to the radio anymore. Favorite Book: I couldn’t possibly choose just one. Worst Book: Fifty Shades of Gray series. :X Favorite Type of Movie: I like variety. Worst Type of Movie I don’t find ones like Step Brothers, The Hangover, Pineapple Express, etc funny or entertaining.  Favorite Movie: I have many. Worst Movie Ever: Ones where I feel confused or unsatisfied with the ending, like too much was left unanswered.  Favorite TV Show: I have many. Wost TV Show?: I don’t get the appeal of ones like The Big Bang Theory or 2 Broke Girls. Newer sitcoms seem to be getting worse. Favorite Season of the Year: Fall and winter. Worst Season: S u m m e r. Best Friend: My mom. Worst Enemy: Myself. Favorite Day of the Week: I don’t have one; my days all loop together. Least Favorite Day of the Week: Okay, I do have a least favorite, which is Thursday, because I have a weekly doctor appointment that day. Especially now because things are going well, so that day just really sucks. Favorite Sport: None. Sport You Hate: Not a fan of any sport. One thing you cant get enough of: Sleep. One thing you hate more than anything: My current situation.
LOVE LIFE
Are You Single?: Very. If not, who is your bf/gf?: -- How Long Have You Been Together?: -- Do You Have a Crush On Anyone Right Now?: Nope. First Kiss: My boyfriend at the time, Derek. Ever Kiss in the Rain?: No. In a Movie Theater?: No. Underwater?: No. First Love: Joseph. Have you ever Cheated on Anyone?: No. Been Cheated on?: No. Used Someone?: Yes. :/ Been used?: Yes. Lied to your bf/gf?: Yes. Ever Made out With Just a Friend?: Yes. Do you Flirt a Lot?: No, definitely not. Longest Relationship: Joseph and I’s 3 year thing we had. Shortest: A few months. Have you Ever Gotten a Poem?: Yes. Ever Get Flowers?: Not from a significant other or romantic interest, no. Do you Believe in Love at First Sight?: No. Do you Believe in "The One"?: I thought I found him, but I guess not. Do you Fall in Love Fast?: I did fall fast. It’s been a few years now since I’ve been interested in or had feelings like that or someone and I wonder if I’d still be like that or not. Ever cried over someone of the opposite sex?: Too many times. Ever Been Dumped?: Yes. Ever dumped someone?: Yes. Ever been rejected?: Yes. Ever dated someone more than once?: Yes. Do you ever make the first move? I’m not one to make the first move. Double dates or single?: Double dates can be fun now and then as well. Do you want to get married?: No. Hair Color: My preference for a guy’s hair color? I don’t care. Short or long?: Short. Eye color?: I don’t care. Style: Jeans and tee are fine with me. Oh, and plaid shirts with the sleeves rolled up. Age: Around my age, but not younger. Height: Well, just about everyone is taller than me. Muscular or skinny?: Some muscle. Boxers or Breifs?: I don’t really care. Do you care about looks?: I can’t say I don’t at all, but there’s a lot more to it than that.
OTHER QUESTIONS
Can you drive?: Nope. Do you have a car?: No, cause I don’t drive. Do you have a cell phone?: Yes. Are you online a lot?: Yeppp. Can you speak another language?: Not fluently, but some Spanish. Do you do well in school?: I did, yeah. Do you collect anything?: Giraffe stuffed animals and knickknacks. Have an obsession?: Coffee? Do you hate yourself?: :/ Ever smile for no reason?: There’s generally a reason.  Talk to yourself?: I think out loud. Do you have any regrets?: Yeah, a few. :/ Believe in magick?: No. Sex before marriage?: Do what you what you feel comfortable with. Do you trust people easily?: No. Forgive easily?: Yes. Too easily sometimes. Do you have a secret no one knows?: Maybe. Do you get along with your parents?: Yes. My mom and I, especially. She’s my best friend. What about other people?: Yeah. How do you vent your anger?: Cry, ramble in a survey or on Twitter to the void. Goal Before you die?: Hopefully get my shit together and make something of my life. Biggest Fear: Losing my loved ones, getting worse health wise, never getting my shit together and making something of my life... Beggest Weakness: I’ve just become so weak in every way these past few years. Do you play an instrument?: No. What do you want to be when you grow up?: I am “grown up” and still have no idea.
PERSONALITY TRAITS
Are you...
A daydreamer? Shy? Talkative? Energetic? Happy? Depressed? Funny? Boring? Mean? Nice? Caring? Trustworthy? Confident? Friendly? Smart? Sarcastic? Dependable? Quiet? Weird? Strong (emotionally)? Strong (physically)? Mature? Logical? Religious? Indesicive? Sympathetic? Polite? Creative? Fun to be around? Loveable? Easily Amused? Outgoing? Daring? Clumsy? Nosy? Lazy? Scary? Optimistic? Persuasive? A good listener? Curious? Determined? Artistic? Honest? Respectful? Concieted? Cocky? Controlling? Playful? Hot Headed? Serious? Thoughtful? Considerate? Stubborn? Romantic? Ambitious? Jealous? Insecure? Obsessive? Attentive? Helpful? Punctual? Sincere? Tolerant?
GOODBYE
Did you enjoy this survey?: It was okay. Was it too long? Nah. Do you think it contained just about everything? Sure.
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tomatograter · 4 years
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this may not be the blog to ask and i respect your decision to not answer/delete this, but would it be okay for a white person to get (back) into homestuck? ive seen a fair share of issues pertaining to hs over the years, alot of it relating to racism, and im not sure how to integrate myself back into the fandom when i as a white person cant comment upon these issues and dont want to associate myself with something poc may find uncomfortable for the obvious reasons. thanks, if you answer :)
A lot of the current HS twitter is made out of fans of color, as well as neurodivergent people, disabled people or members of the lgbt+ community. We’re *all* incredibly aware of how the original text aged badly, and how it was written by one white guy deep into forum culture in the 2010′s- but it’s not anymore.
Here’s the thing about Homestuck: a lot about it really sucks in retrospect. Long passages suck absolute ass or are deeply insensitive. Acknowledging that happened & why it happened is important and choosing to not engage with it if it’s something that irreversibly bothers you is more than ok, it’s your right.
Here’s the other thing about Homestuck: despite its many faults, it has a huge cult following composed by the very people it so often failed to represent. We grew up with the comic and the sense of understanding woven into it, and many of the defining interpretations of the cast reflect what we, as outsiders reading a work about outsiders, saw in them; may it be trans coding, gay coding, black coding, jewish coding, autistic coding etc etc etc… (the list is Long and Vast)
And now the main work & related spin-offs are being written in collaboration with authors that used to be these same fans, interacted with these same readings. This in the very least highly impressive to me; my biggest fandom for a while were traditional comics & anime/manga where “Established successful series being handed over to be written by gay people for gay people” is a highly unrealistic pipe dream. 
Marvel, DC, Shonen jump, Star Wars, whatever-the-fuck-big-company-you-want-to-plug-here aren’t doing this, or when they are it’s never about the main work or characters. Been there done that, they’re not going to risk the cash cow and they do their best to cover up the same shitty plots we take issue with stories driven by general male corporate. 
I like that i can look back fondly at Homestuck and realize that right now, it’s making steps to be more inclusive and genuinely drive a sequel with the work of people who love it and want it to do better. Pesterquest & Homestuck^2 are currently doing that for me. I hope it can do the same to others, too.
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arthurflecksgirl · 4 years
Text
Joker saving a girl from bad guys
This one was requested by hausofbaloons on twitter. I hope you will like it :)
Warnings: Violence and sexual harassement (not graphic but still)
I couldnt sleep. This town wouldnt let me close my eyes.
The sound of the traffic, the traffic lights before my windows. It was all too much. Gotham was so noisy yet so dead when you took a closer look to it.
I didnt even knew what got me here. All I knew was that I couldn`t afford my old apartment in my hometown anymore, so I moved in this very bad neighborhood close to Anderson Ave.
Finding a new job here was difficult,too. I was lucky enough to find one that at least would make enough money to pay the rent. The place was called HAHas. They rent party clowns. I didnt even knew anything about clownery, how they called it. I lied when I told Mr Hoyt that I have experience and hoped he wouldn`t notice. Not until I found a "real" job. I really didn`t wanted to end up as a clown.
They said it would take them a few days to get some clown clothes that would fit a girl. Which made me nervous. It seemed like I would be the only girl working there. But for the moment I just had to eccept this situation. Some day I would hopefully get back on my feet.
Watching out the window made me feel  disconnected to the world. Its funny how a new place can change your point of view about so many things. Some places consume you in such an short amount of time. That`s how I felt about this town since the day I unpacked my things and slept in my new bedroom for the first time. Everything felt...wrong. It felt wrong being here, sleeping here, existing in general felt like a chore. Amd looking at these people out on the streets, they must feel the same. My eyes were focused on a little girl with her mother. How aweful it must be to raise your kid here. To grow up here. I just wanted to leave already.
I drank the last sip of my tea and got dressed. Deep down I knew it wasnt a good idea to go out at 10 pm in the evening. At least not here in Gotham, I´ve heard that some alleys are really dangerous to walk through. But I didnt knew which ones, so I tried to avoid all of them. Which wasnt possible all of the time. I left the house, freezing a bit. It was colder outside than I thought. At least the radiator was working. All these streets looked the same. I didnt even knew where to go, just wanted some fresh air, get this tiredness out of my bones.
I wish I had something to be passionate about again. Passion was something I seemed to have lost somewhere along the way. Some days I felt like a robot, only functioning for others. I did things but I havent FELT them for years. It makes a huge difference if you just keep on doing things or if you really feel them.  I wasnt sure what made me stop feeling myself anymore. It just happened. Failed relationships, friends you lose along the way, working,... all these kinda things that consume you, leaving nothing left but the shell of you. I guess this town would`t help.
Walking this neighborhood felt lonely, even while being surrownded by people. But at the same time there was proof that I wasnt the only lifeless zombie in this universe. There were other robots, just like me. The walking dead. Shouldn`t this make it hurt less? Shouldn`t this be comforting?
I was so lost in my thoughts I didnt even payed attention to where I was heading to. Most streets still remained unfamiliar to me.  I hestitated when I realized that I  didn`t knew where I was anymore. All this garbage, the bad smell. I felt something on my foot and screamed. A rat. The biggest rat I have ever seen in my life. This place was aweful. I really had to go and find some place nicer a few blocks away from here. The sun went down hours ago, everything started to look the same. I felt tired. Insomnia really had me in its arms.
Whispers. In the corners of the streets. On the sidewalks. I wanst sure if my mind was only playing tricks with me. Being alone in a city like this, at 9 pm in the afternoon could do that to you. I should have stayed home in my bed. The bed that didnt felt like mine anymore.
The whispers got louder and I was convinced that it wasnt my mind playing around as I satrted to hear steps behind me "Hey doll ! Where are you heading?"
The voice of a young man and another one laughing right behind me. I felt fear crawling up my insides. I didnt even had any with me to defense myself. I grabbed my keys, so I could scratch them with it if they would attack me. My hand was shaking while I reached down in my pockets.
"Hey, baby. Stop. We are talking to you!"
I didnt knew what to do. Should I run? Should I stop, trying to calm them down by acting friendly? My hand so close around my keys I hurt myself. It was already too late to run away, one of them grabbed me by the arm. So firm I couldnt move it to use the keys anymore. That was it. Only some weeks in Gotham city and I was already dead. I should have known better.
"Take her stuff!" the other one yelled. He sounded obvously drunk. "I will" he hurt my arm again "But... I think there is even more we could do besides taking her stuff..." he grabbed my bag, hew it to the other guy and pushed me against the wall, violently. With his alcoholic breath. I felt my eyes watering. "Don`t cry baby doll. i`m sure you`re gonna like it".  The other one was laughing, while he took my money and cards. "Oh, you can have her. I already made out with the other girl an hour before" more laughter.  "Good" he yelled into my face "More left for me". Hands on my chest. Hands everywhere as he started to pull up my shirt. A whimper. it was mine. I started crying. "Stop crying you stupid bitch!" I tried to stop but i couldnt.
And suddenly a shot fell. And another one.
I still felt his firm hands around my arm as he hesitated to take a look around. thats when I saw the other guy lying face down on the ground. Blood tripping from his body. He wasnt moving anymore. "What the fuck?"  he let go of me, running to his buddy.
Thats when I looked the other way.
There was someone standing inthe alley with us. It was dark but I still could make out the color of his suit. It was red. And he was holding a gun in his left hand.  He came closer as the guy who wanted to rape me was yelling at the dead body on the ground.
His face was painted like a clown. A red nose, a big smile and blue around his eyes. His hair was slick back, slightly curly and green, almost reaching down his shoulders. He looked intimitating. But for some reason I wasn`t afraid of him.
"Are you okay?" the clown came up to me,touching my shoulder very carefully."Yeah...I guess I am".
I was still in shock. I just witnessed murder. This guy just shot someone in front of my eyes. He walked up slowly to the other guy.
"You shot my best friend!" the guy yelled.
"Get up!" the clown said
The guy was getting up. It felt like watching a slow motion scene.
"He didnt deserved to live. He was about to watch you raping her."
"So what? Maybe I can`t have her today. But there is always a tomorrow."
The man in the red suit took a step towards him
"You think so, huh?"
"Of course" the drunk guy said, looking at me with his hungry eyes "I would make her scream and..."
Another shot.
And after that. Nothing but silence and his  gentle hand upon my shoulder again "They can`t hurt you anymore". He lit himself a cigarette, sucking the smoke in like nothing just happened. The two dead bodies lying in front of us.
"Thank you for saving me from these guys...but....you just SHOT them !" my voice cracked.
He blew the smoke out "I know. They would have found another victim. These kinda guys never stop." He pulled my shirt down. It was still up from all the grabbing. "I just hope you`re okay. You`re shaking." There was somthing so comforting in his voice. I felt so torn between being shocked and being reliefed that someone saved me from what was about to happen.
"I`m still... in shock I guess. He tried to..."
"I know. Thats why I took care of it. People can be aweful. Especially here in Gotham city. You should even be out here on the streets alone".
His eyes pierced me. It was hard to not be attracted to him. Maybe it was the shock. I flt like a compleate freak, feeling save talking to someone who just shot two guys in an dark alley while waring clown make up. He obviously wasnt a cop or something. He must  have been some kind of criminal himself. I shouldn`t  even keep talking to him. "Do you live far from here?" he grabbed my stuff that was still lying on the ground, made sure to collect it all together and handed it to me "Sorry for the blood on it." There was something so careless about him, after mudering two men. And yet he seemed to care so much about if i`m okay.  I wondered if it was the first time that he killed someone.
I took my purse and the rest of my things "Um....no not that far. Maybe a 30 minutes walk. But I just moved here and lost track of the streets. It was so dark and I`m not sure how to find back home anymore."
He threw the last bit of his cig aon the ground "I could walk you home if you want. Which street is it?"
I didnt wanted to tell him my exact adress "Near Anderson ave".
"You`re kidding, right? I lived in Anderson ave all my life. I mean...I still do actually". He put the gun back in his pocket.
"Oh so you know the way back?"
"Sure"
I thought about this for a minute. Wasn`t this insane?
"Look, you don`t have to. I can go now" he said "I just wanna let you know that I wouldnt ever hurt you. i just killed those guys because they wanted to do bad things to you and they also said they would do it again. Its okay if you don`t trust me. Just let me know if I should walk you home. I dont mind eighter way."
His voice was so soft. I couldnt stop staring at the way he was using his hands while talking . They seemed to floath through the air. The way he moved was graceful. His slender body in the red suit makde me feel something. I was just very drawn to this stranger.And even though he did something bad. He only did it to save me. I decited to let him walk me home.
"No. I belive you. You can walk me home"
"Great" it almost looked like he was dancing as he turned around, smirking.
I was walking right next to him.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure!"
"Why are you wearing clown make up?" i pointed at his face.
"I used to work as a party clown"
"Really?"
"yeah"
"Thats funny. I just got a new job here at Haha`s. "
His face immediately darkened. Did I said something wrong.
"At Haha`s, huh?"
I didnt dared to say answer. His face expression changed in between seconds.
"I know that place."
"Do you.... work there too?
"Not anymore"
I nooded. this subject didnt seemed to be a good choice for conversation. So I remained  silent. He didnt said anything anymore eighter. Everything about this felt weird but being around him was indeed very exciting.
"So this alley leads to Anderson ave" as we arrived at my block.
"Oh, I know the way from here. I don`t know how to thank you..."
He smiled. It was more of a smirk really. Behind all the make up. I was wondering how he would look like without the face paint. His facial expression was so interesting. Still intense behind all of this clown make up.
"No need to thank me" he said while his eyes kept piercing me. I wasnt sure how I should say goodbye to the one that just saved me. Maybe my life even.  So I just offered him a hug. he leaned towards me and let me hug him. His hands oddly lying on my back, barely touching me. He seemed kinda shy, which was very surprising.  For a brief moment I felt his cheek on mine. I even felt the softness of the white face paint upon my skin. Shivers running down my spine. I coulnt help it. Feeling him letting go of our hug almost hurted me. What was happening?
"So, since you dont live far from here, maybe I´ll see you around?"
He reached down his pocket, pulled out a pen,a piece of paper and started writing "Here is my number. I mean, just in case someone is bothering you again. Or following you.  Just call me when something feels wrong."
A card is falling out of his pocket. He pickes it up, looking at it for a little bit too long. I couldnt tell what it said but it must have been something important to him. He seemed nervous as he put it back "Not this one." he mumbled.
I once again told him how thankful I was before we said our goodbyes.
Heading back ome after all of this felt surreal. Did that really happen? I turned around and he was still standing there, lightening another cig.
I looked at the piece of paper he gave to me.
Arthur.
That was his name.
A beautiful name.
Just as beautiful as he was.
As soon as I got home, I hoped into bed. Once again I wasnt tired. How could I`ve been tired after this? I was more awake than ever. That face. I put his number on my bedside table, lying on my back. i just coulnt stop thinking about how his bare  face might have looked like. Would I even be able to notice him on the streets without his costume and make up? His green eyes and the smirk haunted me all night long. Arthur. He forgot to put his last name on it. Or was that onpurpose. Eighter way I had his number.
And then out of the sudden I realized that I haven`t thought about the fact that he might get caught and locked up for killing two strangers on the sidewalk. Panic was spreading inside of me like a tumor. If he would get caught it would be my fault. He killed them to save my life. I could have never forgiven myself that.
My heart told me I should get up, grab the phone and call him. Asking him how he would try to not being caught. If there was any plan or... This was ridicilous. What could I possibly say to him? I guess he was aware of what he just did. I started sweating and opened my window. More noises of people yelling at each other.  What an aweful city. He seemed like the only nice person I have met since I moved here. With his face and voice in my mind, I was finally able to FEEl something again. The sensation of having strong emotions was something I thought I lost. And all of the sudden I imagined this stranger in my mind. Someone I knew nothing about. But he made me feel something. It was like awakening from a long, dark sleep. Maybe my heart wasn´t dead yet. Maybe there was a spark left inside of me. And he lit it. Not only because he saved me. It was his presence. The way he looked right though me. His cheek against mine. Those hands. Images of fresh memories started to floath my mind and I enjoyed it. I finally enjoyed something again. It was like I felt my own heart beating in my chest. I havent felt that for years. Sometimes I didnt even knew if it was still beating anymore. And now it was so loud. A competition to the traffic outside.
And after hours of thinking about him I finally fell asleep to the sound of the traffic.
Red painted lips.
A fake smile covering a real smile.
I put one figer on his upper lip. I can feel a scar.
Pressing it softly, before his face comes closer.
He leans in before I feel the softest kiss upon my lips.
I woke up, rubbing my eyes, realizing that I just dreamed about kissing this total stranger. He really managed to get into my mind. I still felt his lips on mine. I thought about his hands. I took a close look to them when he was holding the gun. They looked so gentle. I caught myself thinking about how it would feel to be touched by those hands. To hold them.
I got up, made a coffe and got dressed. I had to go to the pharmacy to get some sleeping pills. I just couldnt do this anymore. Lying awake all night drained the life out of me.
Gotham looked the same way at daylight as it looked at night. Just as dark and depressing. Hopefully the sleeping pills would help me find some rest again.
After I arrived the pharmacist asked me if I had experience with sleeping pills and told me about all the side effects. i just wanted to get out of ther for gods sake. Two minutes laer she was still taking to me, not even realizing I wansnt listening anymore, someone else entered the room. I was glad because she was alone there and had to  serve the other costumer now. But she still kept talking.
Suddenly a voice from behind interrupted her "No, the other ones are actually better. And you can get them without a recipe,too."
"Excurse me?" the lady said "The ones on the left" a tiney looking man with brown curls was coming up to us. He pointed at the meds, looking at me "Belive me. You want those. Not the ones on the right. They will give you bad nightmares."
"Oh. Okay thank you, Mr." I looked at the pharmacist "So, I want those, please" she gave me a look and told me how much they were. I payed, taking another look to the man beside me, as he put different receipes on the counter.
There was something about his facial features. His eyes. Those piercing eyes.
The lady gave him an annoyed look "As usual, Mr. Fleck?"
"Yeah"
"Alright. Give me a minute to get them"
He nodded.
His hands.
"Arthur?" I wasnt sure if I was out of my mind but he reminded me of the clown who saved me last night.
He immediately faced me when I said his name. IT WAS HIM.
"Yes?"
"Its you right? You were the..... " I whispered "The clown that saved me last night"
He smiled in a very shy way, he lowered his voice "I was".
That feeling. There is was again. I didnt knew what was happening to me. I just fell for this man. His bare face even more beautiful than I imagined.
The sales woman came back, handing him out three bottles of meds.  He hesitated to put them into his pocket, like he was afraid I might get a closer look to it. I finally took my sleeping pills,too. Still staring at him.
"I thought about you last night" saying the words out loud I just realized how it sounded like "I mean...not like that. Oh my god this is embarrassing. I`m sorry."
You don`t have to be embarrassed.. what was your name again?"
"I`m Y/N"
"Hi Y/N!" he offered me his hand. HIS HAND! The one I dreamed about last nicht. Fantasized about being touched by it. His skin was even softer in reality. We got out of the pharmacy together, standing in the middle of the crowded streets.
"Arthur, I have to thank you once again and I was woried about you. Umm..You can imagin why. "
His arms hung down on him in a weird way. A body languare so differently from last night. So shy, intimidated even. By what? By me?
"Don`t worry about me Y/N. I always get back on my feet."
"Yeah well " my heart was racing in my chest while looking at him "You were the only one here that was ever nice and taking notice since I moved here. I`m always alone since I`m a citizen of Gotham city"
He lit a cig "I can imagin. I`m alone since the day I was born"
Why would he say that?I noticed how sad his eyes were, behind his stare, behind the piercing look of his green eyes, there was so much sadness. I had a better look into them now in the daylight. His beautiful face looked kinda tired. Tired of life.
I knew that feeling. I wanted it to fade from his face. I wanted his eyes to light up. And I wanted to be the reason for that.
"Arthur, do you want to go out with me? Like... for a coffee?"
His hand started to shake a little "You mean like a date?"
"Um..." I felt myself blushing "I dont know....if you want it to be one."
He smiled "If YOU want it to be one."
We headed to the next coffee shop, not saying a word as our hands touched slightly ,but our smiles said it all.
Maybe we both were alone.
But now it was time to be alone together.
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