#one day save up enough 4 top surgery

[butchkelev]

Hello, I bounce between two names but typically go by Will online! I post lewds, code on neocities, take other photographs, and read often. I am using this post to talk about attempts at raising funds for long-needed top surgery, and the gfm I use to host it. I’m a trans stone butch, and I have been publicly iding as a trans man since 2018. Since puberty (2015?) however, I have been desperate to get rid of two glaring, physically heavy boulders on my chest. I am a full-time blue-collar worker at a commercial paint store, and since we lift hundreds to thousands of five gallon buckets (60-100 pounds each) every day, I cannot safely bind on or off the job as I need to rest. Even sports bras bind too harshly due to my size, and when wearing one I cannot take in a full breath. Sizing up is not an option, as my breasts are severely saggy and inhibit my mobility at work (and mental power out of dysphoria) as they move. I work an eight and a half hour shift every weekday and drive half an hour to and from my job- that’s at least 9.5 hours of (light?) binding every weekday, and every weekend usually adds 4-6. I have been binding (properly, I swear, as this 9.5/5 in wage labor thing started seven months ago) from such a young age that my breasts are abnormally saggy for their size and have already lost most sensation. There is no way to get that back (I do not want it back), but there is a way to give me strength and confidence and tame dysphoria, and that’s of course a double mastectomy, or top surgery. All the money I earn at my full-time job needs to be saved for my run from southern Florida, and as such I cannot afford to save for gender-affirming surgery whatsoever. I have a gofundme here, which is the only place I currently take donations.

If any of my photo sets have got you going, I seriously urge you to tip me (and, while you’re at it, swers on this site that you dig) the only way I have set up and help me live a fuller life. I have not hidden my work behind a paywall, as I doubt it would’ve worked anyway, but this funding is the top motivator of why I post at all while I still have breasts. So, if you’re into any of it, let’s keep this shit going!

If you want a gift, I have NSFW offerings below the cut.

Thank you dearly for considering helping, and sincerest biggest most insane thank you to anybody who has pitched any amount to me—it lights up my world, really, and I cannot thank y’all enough. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Alright, you want more… fair enough!

I cannot do videos or self penetration in any hole. I can, however, show hole in photo sets tailored to your descriptions and desires. Each “set” is three photos each, and may include extras for no charge; only three are guaranteed per concept. Any donation at or above 8$ and proof of an email receipt gets you a slot (equals three photos or one “concept”). You can talk to me about details before or after one is placed, though I suggest before if you know ahead of time that you want this, because if you make a donation but I cannot fulfill your request, I cannot refund you. What I need to know is:

-vibe, concept, other synonyms? you can even be abstract, though I’ll likely ask more clarifying questions -what am I wearing? glasses, nothing, nothing but a collar, full clothes, etc., go nuts (browse existing photos to get an idea of what I have; I cannot afford to buy new objects or clothes) -are there any parts of my body* you want me to focus on? -subby or dom(ish)? pup-oriented? -any camera, only Nikon (denim sets on my profile were shot with such), only iphone?

These photos will be yours and yours alone, and thus will not ever be posted to butchkelev for other eyes, unless you would like me to do so** with direct credit for concept and funding.

*I know a lot of you really, really get off on the exact breasts I have been so long hellbent on ditching. If you want to see a photo, one photo, of my boobs without them being pinned down or hidden, I charge 30$. Any additional photo is also 30$. I will not take these photos lazily, and they will be quality, but my breasts, big as they are, are not picturesque (sagged to the point of mutilation), so proceed with caution and seriously curb your fantasies. If I send you a nude including my uncovered chest, you are NOT allowed to respond with any positive comment on them. I keep take the cash and block you. I know bodies are neutral, but from strangers or mutuals or partners, I refuse to take any “compliment” on what I desperately need to destroy. It is extremely disrespectful and not at all gentle or kind to me. **I will not share any photos of me with an uncovered chest on my account no matter what.

Anyway :,) Thank you for anything and everything!

#trans nsft #butch nsft #queer nsft #dyke nsft #trans butch #butch bottom #bd/sm community #t4t nsft #t4t lesbian #t4t ns/fw #t4t puppy #t4t yearning #trans t4t #trans male #nonbinary #transfag #transsexual #trans puppy #trans pup #butch dyke #butch4butch #butch4femme #dykeposting #butch pup #butch posting #stone butch #demisexual #nsf/w #nsft #minors dni

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for debating hiring outside help for my husband and I's house because we can't keep up alone?

For context: My (26 Fae ftm) husband (28M) live very happy and healthily together. While I'm unable to medically transition due to a bunch of reasons we'll get to, he has been nothing but a solid rock in my life and the one person that has always been on my side. Through dragging me out of an abusive household to helping me with my chronic illness, he's been an absolute angel despite dressing like the devil himself (he's goth). So I don't want any hate on him.

He is ADHD and I'm Autistic. Yes, hello, we are that couple~♡ This does cause us some issues tho as he is unmedicated and I'm just struggling in general with sensory issues for certain chores. So far we keep each other some what afloat, having him do chores that my sensory issues can't handle and my doing ones he can't focus through.

However, as previously mentioned I'm chronically ill. I won't get into many details but it's basically I'm internally bleeding at random intervals. And before people think I'm talking about just my period, no it's so bad that I have once had to go to the ER for a blood transfusion due to this internal bleeding and had times when I was bleeding for over 4 months straight.

My husband and I because of this condition are pretty much struggling financially. I can work but it makes me extremely fatigued since I'm essentially working with constant Anemia. It gets bad enough some days that he can't wake me up without over an hour of effort, even after I've slept 10hrs. The fatigue is REALLY bad. He works just as much as I do, sometimes more because his work is so shortstaffed and he likes to pick up extra shifts to try and save up for the surgery that would hopefully fix everything.

This has culminated though in us both being extremely exhausted near 24/7 for the last year-ish but we have finally hit a break. I recently got a huge pay increase (nearly $200 a week increase) so we are hopeful for the first time in months. We're starting to pay down my extreme medical debt and being able to just go get dinner when he doesn't want to cook.

Here's where I may be kind of TA... Despite this hope, my condition recently did get worse. I've now gone another 3 months still bleeding and having to suffer my Anemia symptoms and medication. This has caused me to fall massively behind on what should be my chores, and while my husband doesn't begrudge me it, it has caused our home to start becoming very, very unhygienic. As someone who grew up with a clean freak mother, it kinda upsets me. He's focusing more and more on me and less on the house so even his chores are falling behind too.

None of that is his fault. He loves me so much he wants to help Me first but it has gotten to where we are both going "we really need to clean the house..." but neither of us have enough battery to do so. Me becuz of my condition and he becuz he's stuck caring for me.

We have enough that we might be able to afford to hire a cleaning service to help us out, but it would cost us some of the freedom and paying down medical bills. I think it'd only be a temporary thing, once I recover from my current episode, we can probably get better... but I don't know how long it will be.

On top of this I'm worried paying for this service will further put off my surgery as we struggle to save up for it again... We've already had to tap into that savings cuz my current episode lost me 2 days at work.

Is it unfair for me to ask to use our new extra money for essentially my not wanting to have to bother doing basic chores? I know I'm tired but I've lived with it so long I could and should probably just push through.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[k-s-morgan]

How are you?

Since you sent this ask today and it's the last day of the month, I decided to use it for my monthly post! I hope you don't mind <3

I'm doing more or less okay, though February marked one year anniversary since the start of the senseless war. There were repeated bombings through February; more apartment complexes and residential buildings were hit, more people died - all because of the outdated ambitions of one government and the stupidity, greed, and bloodthirstiness of a half of the nation it rules. Ruzzian soldiers keep invading Ukraine to kill Ukrainian people, bomb Ukrainian territories, burn Ukrainian ecology, including wild life, pets, and birds, destroy Ukrainian crops, buildings, and culture, and condemn millions of people to the loss of their loved ones and the homes they spent a lifetime saving up on. Why? None of them can give even a semi-believable answer. This is a unique phenomenon that psychiatrists should study for decades to come.

Here's a photo of the building situated across of mine. Second day of war, February 25, 2022 - the first results of a new reality Russia decided to bring to its neighbours. The explosions, the terror, the separations; endless queues in the stores; air raid sirens; deadly silence in the huge building that used to be full of voices, laughter, and arguments.

But February 25, 2023 was different. My building was full of chattering again. A neighbor was singing in the shower as he always does; my pigeons were arguing; two annoying children downstairs were yelling and arguing. Life has returned, and this year made all of us stronger.

Last year, I was sure that Russia was about to win. I had no faith in Ukraine, only bitterness because my country was never perfect and it made its share of huge mistakes. But now, things have changed. Russia humiliated itself on a global level. It will forever be remembered as a hotbed of fascism and mindless greed, and there is every chance that Ukraine will win. I have faith now, though I understand that many scenarios are possible. Either way, I'm extremely proud of my country, and I have Russia to thank for turning me into a passionate patriot of Ukraine.

I did a lot of writing this year, and everyone who supported me through comments, Patreon and messages largely contributed to it. I don't have many friends in real life, I'm not a very communicative person and I'm a hopeless introvert, so you all played a huge role in inspiring me and giving me strength. Thank you, I will never forget this.

On a personal front, my three wonderful idiot cats are doing fine; I'm still fighting for the health of 4 of my pigeons, though. One pigeon in particular is in danger now. Here she is: her name is Aristrokratka.

She's always been a wild pigeon - I was feeding her from my window for over a decade; one day, I noticed that someone broke her wing. She struggled to fly: once she reached the top of a streetlight (this was as far as she could go in her state), she stayed there for over 24 hours to regain her strength. I was despondent, so I, my brother and my mother tried to catch her. The entire neighbourhood watched how we chased her under the cars and on the mini-roofs. Finally, I managed to trap and get her.

She's been living with me for over 2 years now. Sadly, she has an egg stuck inside her. It's old, it got entwined with her insides by now, and she needs surgery. It's risky, so we decided to do it only if she starts feeling poorly. Her condition isn't perfect, but she's well enough, so I don't want to possibly steal whatever time she has left.

While I'm sad that she might leave me soon, her story is not sad. She has had a long and fulfilling life, and she has everything I can give her.

Here's the recent video with my two cats: Tom, my clumsy boy, couldn't climb up from the hole he hid himself in, and Laoriy tried to help him. Though I suspect he wanted him out just because he wanted to hide there himself :D

Thank you all again for staying here and supporting me. I hope 2023 will be happier in every respect for my country, as much as it's possible. But we'll see.

#personal #ukraine #kyiv #kiev #russia is a terrorist state

[the-yuri-librarian]

Hi..... if you don't mind, can I ask, your top 10 (or top 7) favorite GL media (can be books/ manga/manhwa/baihe/ anime/movies/tv series)? And why you love them? Thanks if you want to answer....

I don't mind at all! In fact, putting together a top ten has been on my to do list for a while but I haven't done it yet because it seems real daunting. But, I'll try my best here. Spoiler alert, my #1 spot is a tie. I love both titles and I can't pick between them:

1a. Pulse (manhwa):

Premise: Mel is an expert surgeon at an esteemed hospital, and she is happy with where she is in her life. Her work is fulfilling, she has tons of sex, and everything seems to be generally going her way. But, she has no real emotional connections. Mel believes that love is a foolish game, so instead of dating with any real seriousness, she chooses to bounce from hook up to hook up. But, that all changes when Mel meets Lynn. Lynn has a fatal heart condition and desperately needs a transplant. But, she wants Mel to be the one to perform the surgery. As Lynn entangles herself in Mel's life, the stone of Mel's heart begins to crack....

Why I love it: the story in Pulse is incredible. Mel's character arc is perfectly developed, and her backstory is very interesting when you finally get there (she's also very hot lol). Lynn is equally well developed, fighting for her life while also contemplating it's value. The ups and downs of their relationship is gripping, and the ending left me in tears. I do think there is a pretty major flaw in the story near the end, but I won't get into it here as I plan on doing a review after I reread it in February. CW: sexual assault. It is a bit of an age gap but not a huge one. Also this is very spicy

1b. Love Thy Neighbor (manhwa):

Premise: Doyeon seems to be perfect. She has a large group of friends, a perfect GPA, and is sailing through med school with ease. But, she has one problem: her neighbor keeps her up at night. Whether it is debt collectors pounding on the door at all hours of the day, or the neighbor crying into the night while the TV plays, Doyeon can't get any sleep. Eventually, the debt collectors get physically aggressive, and Doyeon has no choice but to pull her neighbor into her apartment to save her. The neighbor, a woman named Jin Joo, ends up staying at Doyeon's apartment for her own safety. This is all fine and well, but why is Doyeon starting to have sex dreams about her?

Why I love it: so, three things here right up front: 1. there is also an age gap in this story (which I think is a coincidence), 2. It is very spicy and 3. it is incredibly toxic (to the point that consent between the two characters becomes murky) and not for the faint of heart. With all that out of the way: I love this story. Doyeon is so incredibly interesting as a character (and might be a genuine sociopath); all she wants to do is be loved unconditionally and she never gets it and that internal tension is incredible. The plot is also very dramatic, and it makes it HARD to put it down (also I've read through season 1 like 3 times in 4 months). I literally count the days between chapter releases. I didn't think I would enjoy a psychological drama so much but this one really knocks it out of the park. This drama has the effect of, murky consent aside, making the sex scenes electric. They are so well written, carrying significant narrative weight while also being genuinely very hot. There is this constant battle for control between our romantic leads that leaks into their sex, and it's just chef's kiss. I cannot stress enough how much I love this story. Season 2 just started releasing a couple weeks ago so now is an excellent time to jump on board. (PSA: if anyone my mutuals or followers starts reading this PLEASE send your live reactions to my DMs I will love you forever I wanna talk to someone about this story so bad)

3. Qualia the Purple (manga)

Premise: [Redacted]

Why I love it: so this is by far the weirdest love story I have ever read, and it is terribly sad. How far would you go to save the person you love most? The lengths Yukari wuld go to save her love are endless, and her desperation is what makes this tale worth reading. I really don't want to say too much here because this story is best experienced knowing as little about is as possible before you start reading it (also why I didn't include a premise). As a heads up: this story is deeply philosophical and may make you cry. Be sure to read the afterword

4. Nevermore (webtoon)

Premise: Lenore and Annabel Lee both wake up on a distant shore with no memories of who they are. Chased by bizarre spirits, they flea until they stumble upon Nevermore Academy. Here, they are told that they are dead, and that they are here to compete for a second chance at life. Also, they can turn into ghosts with superpowers. As they being to move through the trials, it becomes increasingly clear that their previous lives were deeply tied together. But the question remains: what are they to each other?

Why I love it: the real allure to this story is the mystery. Who is Lenore? Who is Annabel Lee? What is the truth behind Nevermore Academy? The list of questions is never-ending. Also, Lenore is an incredibly charming protagonist, whose quick wit and determination makes it impossible to not cheer for her. The is also inspired heavily by Edgar Allen Poe's work and the gothic literary tradition (and aesthetic). In fact, Lenore's name, as well as Nevemore Academy's name, comes from the poem "The Raven," and Annabel Lee is named after the famous poem of the same name. Coincidentally, both this story and the poem "Annabel Lee" take place "in a kingdom by the sea." As a literature nerd, this is a HUGE plus for me. Especially recommend this story for those who like to try and figure out what's going on before the characters do (so, if you were in the red string brigade while The Magnus Archives was airing this is a must read)

5. Her Tales of Shim Chong (manhwa)

Premise: This manhwa is a historical, girls' love retelling of classic Korean novel The Tale of Shim Chong. It tells the story of Shim Chong, a beggar who is desperately trying to make ends meet to feed her and her blind father, and the soon-to-be second Madame Jang, who has been sold into marrying the Chancellor to give her family a better position. After a chance encounter, they build a friendship -- and eventually more -- that transcends class boundaries. But not everyone is happy with the Chancellor's new wife, and Chong's presence is far from welcome in the royal palace. When the Chancellor falls into a mysterious coma after the wedding night, his children make plans to oust Madam Jang, and it may be up to Shim Chong to save not only their relationship, but their lives.

Why I love it: I think the premise of this story is so so romantic; it drives me crazy. Madame Jang is essentially trapped by the narrative, and Shim Chong is the only one who is able and willing to break her out. The premise creates the perfect setting to critique not only the historical politics of Korea, but also the treatment of women within Korean culture (disclaimer: I am far from an expert here but I think the theme is very prevalent). It is also probably the only yuri I've read so far that would qualify as magical realism, which ties in to the folktale setting with ease. There is not a lot of physical affection in this story, but when it's there, it's so sweet I can't help but swoon. If you like historical fiction, I would recommend starting here out of everything on this list (or start with the next entry).

6. Goodbye, My Rose Garden (manga)

Premise: Hanako is a Japanese woman who has come to England in search of her favorite author. In the meantime, she looks for work as a maid and is eventually hired by a noblewoman named Alice. But, Alice has an unbelievable request for Hanako: she wants Hanako to kill her. Hanako immediately begins trying to find out why Alice wants to throw away her life, and as she does she finds a hidden side of the noblewoman kept deep under wraps...

Why I love it: this story is so romantic, and tense, and dramatic that it has become critically acclaimed - and for good reason. The depiction of historical views on homosexuality are really well done and is juxtaposed well next to Hanako's sapphic awakening. I really think that this yuri is a must read, not just because of the romance, but because of the historical perspectives portrayed within. I wish I could say more but it's been a while since I've read it, and I plan on rereading it and posting a review sometime within the first half of this year

7. Mage & Demon Queen (webtoon)

Premise: In a world where demons and humans are at constant war, Malori has survived childhood and become a powerful mage..... because she is totally in love with the Demon Queen, Velverosa. In fact, Malori would do anything to spend time with her, and she means anything. Day after day Malori climbs the Demon Queen's tower to try and win her heart, and day after day she is defeated. Will the Demon Queen ever love her? Or, will Velverosa be slain before their relationship has time to blossom?

Why I love it: ONE OF THE ROMANTIC LEADS IN THIS STORY IS A TRANS WOMAN (it's Vel lol). But also: this is by far the funniest yuri I have ever read. Whether is is on the cheesy side or the genuinely hilarious side, the humor in this story is baked all the way through, giving it an adorable charm. Additionally, Vel's slow decent into love is so fucking adorable that I often find myself going back to reread her confession; it's just so sweet. If you like a wholesome, light hearted story, or are a big fan of RPGs or isekais (it's not one but it's close enough), then you MUST give this a read. I'm afraid Webtoons.com is putting it behind a paywall soon (against it's creator's wishes), but you may be able to find it else where possibly.

8. Sunstone (American comic)

Premise: in this erotic romcom, Lisa is a writer and, more importantly, a submissive. Ally is a well-experienced programmer and considers herself a dominatrix. They have one thing in common: they have never done BDSM in real life. One day, they meet in a virtual chat room and become fast friends. This friendship evolves as they begin exchanging DMs, and eventually they decide to meet up. They hit it off just as well in person as they do online, and their one time sexual encounter becomes much more, changing their lives forever.

Why I love it: this comic features probably the most realistic depiction of a BDSM relationship - and BDSM sex - that I have ever seen. The characters are complicated, and messy, and so human that you can't helped but be sucked into their lives. It also features one of the most romantic confessions I have ever experience in yuri. Just top notch writing from top to bottom, while also treating the subject matter with dignity and care. The writer has a lot of experience with BDSM in real life, and it really shows with the way the series treats consent, safe words, and after care. If you've never read this story, you need to change that asap. You're really missing out.

9. Whisper me a love song (manga)

Premise: On her first day of high school, Himari watches a band play at the opening ceremony, where she immediately "falls in love" with the lead singer. The next day, she runs into that singer, Yori, and tells her so. Yori's response is unexpected: she says, "I love you, too." Quickly, and awkwardly, Himari realizes that her platonic feelings are being met with Yori's romantic feelings. As their friendship develops, she begins to wonder: what does it mean to love someone?

Why I love it: I really love music, especially rock and punk music, so a romance story based around a musician is automatically going to appeal to me and this one is no exception. Himari's struggle with her sexuality feels so real, and Yori's determination to win Himari's heart naturally compels her internal conflict forward until she has to decide. This manga is so so so cute, especially considering Himari's puppy dog like energy, and this story is almost guaranteed to make you swoon. It is ongoing and getting an anime this year, so please read it and support the official release!

10. Bloom into You (manga)

Premise: Bloom into You tells the story of high school freshman Yuu, as she discovers herself and tries to gain an understanding of "love," which all of her friends seem enamored with. She has never had someone who felt special to her in that way, though she desperately wants to. This all changes when she meets sophomore Nanami, who has also never fallen in love. As they get to know each other, Nanami begins to fall in love with Yuu, though Yuu does not understand why. At the same time, Yuu thinks her chest may be starting to flutter, a feeling that she has longed for but still does not understand...

Why I love it: so there was no way that this wasn't making the list, right? It is the standard for high school yuri, and for good reason. Yuu and Nanami are perfect for each other, and Yuu's slow decent into love is incredible to watch. If you have never read yuri and you want to know where to start, the answer is right here. It is, in fact, required reading. If I were to teach a semester long university class on yuri (a fantasy situation I think about alot), this would be the first story I would assign. The romantic tension is mesmerizing, the supporting cast is top tier, and the ending is immensely satisfying. There is also ace/aro representation, arguably in the main character and canonically in the supporting cast. I am currently doing a live blog/analysis of Bloom into You if you want to follow along with me, though I am very behind on it (I swear I'm gonna continue it, and I'm sorry to my followers :( the new year has not been kind to me lol).

I have done reviews and analysis of some of these series, and have borrowed summaries from those posts. I am linking those down below in case you haven't read them. However, if you read the Qualia the Purple review before reading the manga I will find you:

Her Tales of Shim Chong Review

Qualia the Purple Review

Bloom into You Ch. 1 Analysis

Bloom into You Ch. 2 Analysis

Edit: I just realized that you asked for girls lov books too, so I guess that is going to have to be a separate post....

#long post #asks #yuri #girls love #yuri posting #manga #manhwa #webtoons #recommendations #seriously sorry its so long #I feel like I'm always saying that #anyway #please send me more asks! #request reviews #ask me my thoughts about what i've read #tell me to read obscure yuris no one has ever heard of! #my inbox is always open :)

[furcoat]

You don't have to answer if it's too personal, but as poor, queer person I was wondering what you do for a living/ how you're able to afford gender affirming surgery. Posts like yours give me hope that one day I'll be able to. But I like to ask and take notes on how other trans people were able to get there

i work for starbucks full time im a shift supervisor i make ~$24-26 an hour. i work there for the benefits....during medical LOA they pay you a portion of your wages. my state also recently started a in-state short term disability program that pays more than starbucks program does, but sb still partially matches my weekly in state benefit so im receivving a lot more $ weekly than i did during my top surgery-- enough to pay my bills get food and save to pay off my insurance deductible.

starbucks after 90 days of employment or during open enrollment you can choose your insurance and cross reference it with the entirety of your surgical team to see if everything is in network. so my surgery cost $4500. it resets every calendar year so i will have to come up with it again for my secondary stages.

im gonna be in a lot of debt regardless lol and there has been a lot of fighting w insurance, failures w insurance, needing to get on another plan to have surgery, etc etc. my coworker who got his phallo had to file for bankruptcy. i have had 4 surgery dates and started the process 3 years ago. i also recieved money via fundraising and saving my electrolysis insurance reimbursements was very necessary for me to afford stage 1

its very inaccessible but i know a lot of loopholes at this point if you want to game the system to get yours i can help you dm me if you are interested! also i know ikea has similar trans benefits and probably treats employees better

[deidremercer]

Oh yeah I might as well post this here for the 2 people who follow me and aren't already in discords with me,

I'm doing this:

In an attempt to improve my art, I started out just doing it for the sake of drawing something almost every day but now I think I'm gonna save these for whenever I feel I've made an improvement. Each day I am doing a different OC and I'm trying to lean towards having each character in an outfit I wouldn't normally draw them in

#1 was done with Orpheus Valor from Paragons

He was pretty fun to draw because I don't do masc characters very often. Also doing him for the underwear post was good because my GM, Gracie, and I had previously joked about him having scars where top surgery scars would be and just fully not being trans (there are other trans characters in Paragons I feel like we get to do a little bit of queerbaiting) so he was mauled by a bear.

#2 was done with Rabbit Leporidae from Thyrasylo.

Rabbit is normally dressed in either a suit or a frilly dress despite the fact that her name stems from the fact that her original design was wearing a bunny suit. Her shirt is a gag stolen from Thrilling Intent, I think it's funny for the most powerful spellcaster in my world to be wearing a spelling bee shirt. This was also cool because I got to draw her tattoos. Neither of her previous tokens really showed them off much so I thought I could use this opportunity to draw them. They don't have any real significance as of right now but I might ascribe some to them later.

#3 is with Ivy Blackleaf from Thyrasylo

Ivy is very fun to draw, this prompt made me finally design a logo for her Mom's cafe. I think I made it a little too close to the Olive Garden logo. Otherwise this was a fairly straightforward one, I did get to practice expression a little bit.

#4 with Roxanne De'Rulo from Crescent King

Messy hair Roxie is really fun to draw. I forced myself to make this a full body to try and practice feet, I don't think they look all that great. Her hand is a little bit fucked up but I am glad that I drew it at all, practice is important. Otherwise the only thing of note with this one is that I lost the original TRIPWIRE band logo and Redbubble doesnt let you redownload your uploaded designs which kinda blows.

#5 with Jayden Valekrave from Paranoia and Evi Halloran from Macrocosmos

The first one with a backdrop. This one was also voted on by a whole 37 people who took time out of their day to vote on my silly little Google form. Evi is in the background because she was the runner up and I probably wouldn't draw her anywhere else. I also think I didn't do justice to all the people who voted for Jayden. I super didn't have a reference pulled up and I am not skilled enough to draw from my imagination yet. Jayden's halberd, Dawnbreaker, having sunglasses on is the best part of this image. She is so silly. I also started drawing the eyes without having lineart on them here. Idk how I like it, we'll have to see.

#6 with Vernidaius Yxerei from Decent Into Avernus

Compression kinda fucked this one up a bit, but the name of the game with this one was experimenting with brushes. I kinda tried to get some of the texture that I really love out of Jackson FrameDodge of The3rdWheel's work. Unfortunately I dont really know how to shade properly so it's kinda all over the place, and harder to see on the skin, oops. This one had a pose reference initially but the legs ended up being too difficult for me to do so I just sorta covered one of them. I also super forgot to draw Vermi's scales here. The line-less eyes are still something I'm on the fence about. I think this background is a good bit better than the previous one, the only part of the previous one that I really ended up liking is the clouds.

And that's everything I've done so far, tune in soon for the next one if you care.

#new artist #artwork #amature artist #art journey

[bugbuoyx]

Hi, you said you were open to any top surgery question so here i go with a weird one : based on your expérience do you think it's doable to travel alone by bus or train with you know a bag and all like 2/3 days post surgery ? (I'll ask my surgeon anyway when i'll see/choose them dw) but basically my problem is that there aren't a lot of surgeons in my country who are ok with performing surgery without a letter from a therapist and i don't want to see one (bad previous expériences) so it let me with a list of 4 surgeons in the whole country and none are near and while i'll be able to not live alone for the recovery i don't think any member of my transphobic family will be ok with driving minimum 4/5 hours to come get me after surgery...... so if you answer that's literaly impossible i'll have to consider that too and already start saving for a driver or find a squat i can stay in until i recovered enough or something 😅

From my experience, absolutely not. Especially directly after the surgery you are just fucked up. I vaguely remember being helped into a wheelchair and then into my friends car but I actually don't remember getting out of the car and into bed lol. I also spent the next 3 days mostly sleeping. The med cocktail they give you just makes it extremely dangerous to be in a vulnerable position on your own, such as a bus and like genuinely a stiff wind could blow you over. I remember we went to a bookstore and I just waddled around lol. After about a week you'll be much better but there is a reason why they recommend 3 weeks minimum before you do anything.

The only advice I can give is to look and see if you can find a therapist who is willing to write you a letter for the surgery. It may be different in other places but here in the US it is possible to find therapists who only require a single appointment and that is just to get your name and info to put into the letter. You can try asking around, the worst they can say is no (which sucks) but if you do it through email you can just delete it and pretend it never happened so yknow.

Also I do not have experience with this as I was able to stay with my best friend, but if you can find LGBT+ groups in the area you plan to be in, there may be someone willing to help you! I recall a story where someone was cared for by a lesbian couple they didn't really know. Just be careful and vet whoever you find. Again, you will be *very* vulnerable especially the first few days.

#transmasc #top surgery #i know this isnt the answer you wanted im sorry #its so stressful trying to get everything together for surgery my biggest issue was also getting a ride esp since i cant drive #luckily my best friend has her gay drivers license #but seriously i could barely even move my arms for like a week especially my upper arms + shoulders #danvice #lol forgot my advice tag #also if anyone else has advice for anon please chime in!!

[casesandcapitals]

20 days post-op and I finally admitted defeat in thinking I could save my failing right nipple graft. So, I have an areola but the center is just a depression where my body is working on making new skin.

The left graft turned out fine, and in a month or two I'll know what the right one will look like healed and decide if I want to tattoo it or not.

My stitches are almost completely dissolved and switching from bandages to silicone tape has definitely helped me not feel so much like an invalid.

Just above where the drain on my left side was inserted there's a quarter sized chunk of scar tissue that's big enough to be a visable bump, but I'll massage it with all the other scar tissue once I hit that stage and hopefully it'll soften up.

I feel like I'm speedrunning wearing a binder, cuz I never have to bind again, but I've been wearing this compression vest for 20 days. 24/7 for the first week, and then 23/7 for 4-6 weeks after that, taking it off to shower and wash it. I have to sleep in it and my skin has gotten so irritated and sensitive it's actually painful. My ribs are so sore. I can't wait to never have to wear this thing again.

I've had a couple moments of almost missing limb syndrome, where I'll think to adjust myself under my binder but there's nothing to adjust. I leaned forward to rinse after brushing my teeth and pulled a muscle in my chest because there was no weight pulling down but I tensed up to bear that weight anyway. I was struggling to wash under my arms in the shower, since I still can't lift my arms up, and it took me a week to realize I was still holding my arm out as if to reach across breasts that are no longer there, and it's easier now that I'm reaching my arm directly across my chest. The 2nd or 3rd day after I was allowed to shower again, I got weirded out my the sight of my arms in front of me while holding soap, they looked too long and too thin and alien, and then I realized there was just so much empty space between my arms and my torso. Today I looked down at my ribs to make sure there was no bruising and realized that, not only have I not seen my ribs in maybe 2 decades, but the ribs on my left side stick out a bit farther than on the left side.

Like, I could go on and on. It's incredibly bizarre. Walking around topless still feels illegal and probably will for a long time.

Nothing could top this. I'm so happy and grateful and just relieved. Every single gross and painful and uncomfortable thing about surgery and recovery is worth it a hundred times over.

#top surgery #transgender

[mr-leach]

So I've enabled tipping on my blog because I'm in a rough spot and I'm gonna be struggling to feed everyone for the next week or two, depending on certain factors. Sob story is below the cut cause I genuinely hate having to drag this shit out but I also feel like I owe it to the people potentially willing to help me out, so:

So some of you may or may not know that I recently had a bout with thyroid cancer this past year or so and that I had surgery in the summer to have one side of my thyroid removed. If you didn't, it's cause genuinely I'm not a huge fan of talking about it in online spaces cause it's pretty personal and I don't really like the type of attention stuff like this gets.

Anyway at the time I was not doing too badly financially--I actually had a bit of savings built up and I had enough work hours accumulated that I qualified for EI sickness benefits so I wasn't too worried. Well, what I didn't know was that the "insurable weeks" number for my region was increased from 15 to 24, which heavily altered their calculations and made it so I was essentially getting 35% of my regular paycheck each week.

On top of that, the CRA still wanted me to pay back their CERB "loan" (if you follow any other Candians you may have heard about this garbage move by the government to sign up workers who were laid off during the start of the pandemic onto a benefit program that, while it kept a lot of people afloat, apparently included a caveat that if you didn't use 100% of it and went back to work you would have to pay $2k back to them, essentially punishing essential workers for going back to work) and decided they were going to garnish my already dismal benefit payments. They figured I would be fine to survive off of $90 a week while recovering from surgery.

Predictably, my savings disappeared. I am very grateful that my roommate was patient and did not see fit to make me move out when I couldn't pay rent, and when I got back to work I tried as hard as I could to pay him back as quickly as possible. I was essentially giving him every dollar I was not already spending on rent and bill payments. I struggled to pay for groceries and had to beg folks on twitter for money.

At the same time I started to develop further health issues. I couldn't sleep at night, I felt like sleeping all day, and I started experiencing episodes of somnolence (sudden feelings of tiredness bordering on falling asleep) while at work. I would have to leave work early, or sometimes I would even fall asleep while eating my breakfast in the morning. I missed more and more work and when I did make it in my performance would plummet after 4 hours and I would make major mistakes or even injure myself. I work in a garment factory btw.

I struggled to get in touch with my doctor, or really, any doctor to figure out what was wrong. Our healthcare system right now is in the process of being tanked to hell by the provincial government so they can justify introducing a two tier semi privatized system that values money over care. All this to say I was basically on my own trying to treat my worsening health with sleep supplements and energy drinks. It helped, but not enough. As of early February I was still missing work and struggling to stay awake most days.

I hit a wall and my anxiety made it impossible to go to work in the morning. Full on anxiety attacks, self harm, emotional breakdowns, the works. I asked to take a leave of absence to try and focus 100% on getting better. I've since been able to get in contact with my doctor and hopefully work towards a solution.

Right now I am waiting. I am waiting on EI to get back to me about benefits. I am waiting to hear from Social Services to see if they can help. And I am waiting on my tax return to be reviewed so I can pay my past due rent. I have a negative account balance. I went to the store yesterday and bought milk and margarine with a roll of change. The CRA is saying I could be waiting until the 13th to hear about my tax assessment. EI does not have an estimate for me lol. Social Services hasn't even gotten back to me and I'm dreading trying to reach out due to past trauma working with them.

Anyway. If you have anything to give the tip option is there. I'm gonna attempt to make dnd adoptables as well in the meantime but I'm gonna be real it might take too long to make anything worthwhile and idk if it can wait. I got myself, my spouse, and Victor to keep fed and my roommate breathing down my neck at this point so if you've read all this and have anything to spare it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for reading.

#rb if you want?? #i don't really expect ppl who don't follow me to tip #cancer cw #self harm mention

[scifrey]

10 Stories/10 First Lines meme

Stolen from @moorishflower; tagging @once-upon-a-reblog and @merindab

So the rules are: post the first lines of your 10 most recently published AO3 stories.

Listing from Newest to Oldest:

1.CLING FAST (The Sandman): "One hundred years, then?" Hob's Stranger asks, hours later, when Hob's talked himself hoarse.

2.FORGIVE (Loki, part 5 of the Rovai-verse): “Heimdall,” Loki says, softly, tentatively.  Beside him, on the balcony of their hotel room, Mobius wraps his arms around Loki’s waist so they aren’t accidentally separated in the Bifront tunnel. He gives Loki a reassuring squeeze. “I’m ready to come home. If… if you’ll have me back.”

3.FLIRT (Loki, part 4 of the Rovai-verse): Mobius M. Mobius turns out to be Johnathan “Jack” Jackson, born in southern Texas. 

4.FIGHT (Loki, part 3 of the Rovai-verse): It’s not until it’s all over, and he’s pressing magic and pleas into the gaping wound on the human’s abdomen, that Loki even realizes that he’s been sealed into his own impenetrable multiverse with the wrong Mobius. 5.FOLD (Loki, part 2 of the Rovai-verse): The biting cold is too intense after the terrible, tortuous heat. Though he is wearing his Jotun skin, Loki is shivering hard enough to judder the human pressed up against his side by the time they walk the several meters from the portalway to the shepherd’s hut. The human’s not faring much better, here on the dark side of Jotunheim. His teeth are chattering so hard Loki can actually hear them above his own. 6.FALL (Loki, part 1 of the Rovai-verse): Falling. That’s what he dreams about most. His father said no, Loki -- the man whom he had called father -- the man who had told him he was destined to be a great king -- Had those words been for me? Or just Thor? -- the man whose radiance he’d only experienced second hand, clutching at the penumbra of Odin’s favouritism of his golden ( biological ) son-- he’d said no, Loki  scolding him like a naughty puppy when he was the one who had told them the stories about conquest and destroying dark creatures, he was the one who had called the Frost Giants evil and monstrous, knowing, knowing that he was looking one in the face and--Either way, Loki had fallen for it. 7.TO A STRANGER (Sherlock / Performance in a Leading Role by @madlori):

INT. PRINCESS MARGARET CANCER CENTRE - A HALLWAY. DAY. MARK - a man in his late 30s who is, on the surface, entirely unremarkable - is waiting on a bench in the starkly-lit hallway of the hospital. His brother is in surgery. Mark is miserably, weightily weary. He looks like he hasn't shaved in a few days, his boring hair is unkempt from his fretting, and his clothes, while of good quality, are rumpled. He is on the far left of the frame, seated alone, knees together, hands on his thighs, looking straight ahead. The frame is empty of anyone save him.

8. The Heart of the TARDIS (Doctor Who):

INT. THE TARDIS, WARDROBE. MORNING. Open on THE DOCTOR, standing in the TARDIS' clothing closet (from "The Christmas Invasion"). With a nostalgic, almost melancholy air, he is picking through the wardrobe, fondling the sleeves of coats, the frills of scarves, trying on hats, smelling jackets too feminine to ever have been his. MARTHA JONES enters the closet, holding two mugs of steaming tea with the tags hanging over the edge of the mugs. She stops on the ramp, watching him with a fond smile.

9. THE DRIVER (Captain America / British Royalty RPF):

What?” Dum Dum asked, prodding his seatmate in the ribs with his meaty elbow for the umpteenth time. “Seriously, Falsy, what?”

10. THE ONCE AND FUTURE KINGDOM (Merlin / Stargate: Atlantis):

There was a time, Myrddin mused, that he would have been inclined to reach out to the horizon and murmur a soft spell, just to make the sun linger a few seconds longer on the horizon, just to treasure the rich red hues and the marvelous indigo that spread like an exhaled stain across the tops of the far mountains.

#cling fast #to a stranger #f-words series #rovai-verse #alice rovai #writing #losyark #fanfiction #loki #sherlock #john watson #sherlock holmes #hob gadling #morpheus #dreamling #lokius #mobius m. mobius #johnlock #merlin #stargate: atlantis #fanfic #fic #fic meme #performance in a leading role #pialr #rodney mckay #arthur #merthur #prince arthur #john sheppard

[shanie-the-toyaddict]

It's 3 am

Time for Shanie's crappy fanfic.

Extended Draft Preview of the Saved saga, part 4 under cut!

@wrestlezaynia, @the-cowbi, @coloursflyaway, @riveliciousx, @zkivens, and the rest of the Zowens crew! This is for you!

They had gotten their jobs back

Shane had been... well, Shane. Determined to teach them a lesson, he offered Sami and Kevin a chance for their jobs back in a tag match against Daniel Bryan and himself at WrestleMania. If they won, they would get their jobs back on Smackdown. If they lost, they were fired.

As close as the two men had grown, and as madly in love as they were, it was a match they couldn’t lose. Despite working together as Commissioner and GM for almost two years by that point, Daniel had more ring rust than most of the participants of a Wrestlemania Gimmick Battle Royal, and Shane had never been the best wrestler, to begin with. Sami and Kevin, however, were on top of their game, two of the best in the business on their worst days and more in sync than ever before.

Daniel and Shane tried their best but, when the final bell rang, it was the Yep Movement who was standing tall.

Unfortunately for them.

All winning the match had done was put the lovers back under contract with Shane and Smackdown. Beyond that, Bryan, eager to resume his in-ring career, stepped down as general manager. Suddenly, the only potential ally and voice of reason was gone, replaced by, of all people, Paige. And, when it came down to it, Paige wasn’t nearly as eager to fight Shane and his tyranny as Daniel had been.

So, stuck in contracts in an openly hostile workplace, Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens found themselves faced with insurmountable odds.

They tried to surmount them anyway. Tried and failed.

It had only taken two months before Shane worked and battered the pair to injury. It was in a handicap match against SAnitY that Sami got hurt. Slammed against the ring steps back first and then driven through the barricade, Sami had reinjured his bad shoulder and taken the good one with it.

Kevin had been more apologetic than necessary, deep in regret over the first injury from NXT, as though it would have made any difference in the outcome. Sami made it clear to him that it wouldn’t have, but Kevin still felt like dirt over it. Still, it was all water under the bridge by that point. They both knew their tumultuous past could never be forgotten, but it was no longer important, fading in their minds regardless of the mutually inflicted scars’ reluctance to do the same.

It still didn’t change the fact that Sami needed surgery, both shoulders. He would be out for the rest of the year.

Suddenly, KO found himself a small fish in a very large piranha pond. But it was Shane, ever the shark, who did him in.

Kevin was fed up. Being on the road alone without his lover beside him was bad enough. But having to report to a job and boss every day that had been directly responsible for taking Sami from him, however temporarily, made him sick. Revenge wasn’t even important anymore. Sure, a part of him wanted Shane to pay. But really, he was tired. So damned tired. He missed the fun of wrestling a fair fight. He missed holding or even sniffing in the direction of a title belt.

Most of all he missed Sami.

So, Kevin made a deal with Shane. A match at Extreme Rules

If Kevin won, he and Sami would be traded to RAW. It was worked out with Stephanie ahead of time and she was willing to take them on. However, if Kevin lost, he was stuck with Shane until his and Sami’s contracts ran out.

Of course Shane had demanded an Extreme Rules match. And of course Kevin had been foolish enough to accept it.

If it had just been Shane and his bag of tricks, he’d have been fine. Potentially.

But Kevin hadn’t counted on Shane bringing the numbers game to the ring. Allying himself with Baron Corbin, it was a 2-on-1 that nobody had the power to stop.

It was a given at that point that Kevin would lose. Shane ripping up Kevin’s knee in the process was just insult added to injury. His damn knee, the same one as always, putting him on the shelf once more.

Kevin was pissed... for about twenty minutes.

At twenty minutes and seven seconds, however, his brain cleared long enough to process what an injury like that meant.

A long, arduous recovery process, off the road and away from the ring.

At home. With Sami.

It was the kindest gift that Shane could have given him.

The moment that Kevin arrived back home, his knee heavily braced and crutches under each arm, Sami was waiting for him. They had exchanged keys long ago but, of the two houses, Kevin’s was the nicer one. All those years of “Wasteful spending” outfitting a palace that was rarely seen by either of them, now a cozy, safe haven for them as they recovered.

If it weren’t for the pain and rehab, it would have been a hell of a romantic staycation. But, even with that, Kevin couldn’t deny that spending time in quasi-domestic bliss with Sami was lovely. Sure, he was hurt. They both were. But every time he did something for Sami that made him smile, that ever untarnished, sunshine, glorious smile of his, Kevin couldn’t help but think that them both being injured together was a gift.

If nothing else, it was a blessing.

Sami was a blessing, forever his angel beaming down on him. In all their days as partners and in all their dark nights as hateful, bitter enemies, Kevin had never known that such happiness was a possibility. Sami, truly his Sami, loving him from the moment they woke up in each other’s arms until the night they fell asleep in the same...

It was the best feeling in the world, and Kevin knew in his heart he’d give anything for it to never end.

He also knew in his heart that that was wishful thinking.

As much as he loved Sami, he knew he was loving on borrowed time. Sami Zayn was too good for him. He was too good for anyone, actually – how could an angel ever find happiness with a lowly human? But someone as beleaguered and broken as Kevin Owens? No, it could never last. Eventually, Sami would figure it out, realize how worthless Kevin was, and leave him behind again. It was just the way things were.

The way they were.

But, as they sat on the couch eating popcorn and watching No Mercy 1999 for the third time that year, Kevin wasn’t thinking about that. He was focused on other, more important things like the feeling of Sami’s mostly healed shoulder leaning against his, Sami’s warmth and glow radiating into Kevin like the sun on a cloudless day.

“I’ll never get sick of this match,” Kevin said as Edge and Christian made their way down to the ring for their legendary ladder match against the Hardy Boyz.

“Me either,” Sami agreed, tossing a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

“Can you imagine,” Kevin said, "If this hadn’t happened? If they hadn’t gone out there and gone nuts?”

“Well, it made their careers, Kev, so I’m guessing we wouldn’t still be talking about them.”

“Nah,” Kevin replied, shaking his head, “They would have given us something else to remember them by. But this match changed everything. It invented a whole new style of wrestling!”

“Ehhh, I wouldn’t say invented, more ‘brought to mainstream’. I’m pretty sure we’d still have been smacking each other with ladders and chairs in our twenties even without this.”

“True, but we might not have made it to the big time. Face it, we have a style – "

“Styles,” Sami interrupted. “We have different styles.”

Kevin paused, his mind flinching at the correction before continuing. “Styles. Neither of which were mainstream before this”

Sami took another bite of popcorn before replying. “We would have made it. We were always meant to. It was our destiny.”

Sami turned to look at Kevin before adding softly, “It still is.”

Kevin met his gaze and a troubled look was shared between them.

They were both nearly healed. Kevin was further along but it would only be two or three months before they were both back in the ring.

Back on Smackdown. Back under Shane Friggin McMahon.

Kevin looked away, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry,” he said, disgusted with himself, “I never should have agreed to that match. We’re gonna go back and that asshole is gonna pick up right where he left off with us. We’re never going to be free, not until our contracts expire.”

“Maybe,” offered Sami, “But that doesn’t mean we can’t make the most of it. Go for the tag belts like we always dreamed of. He can’t keep us down forever – "

“He can.”

“He can’t. We’re too good. We’re going to go back to Smackdown, win the tag belts, and send his ass packing back to Manhattan.”

Kevin was skeptical but unable to resist Sami’s hopefulness. Sami had never let him down in the past and, as far as Kevin was concerned, he never would. He just had a knack for knowing things and always being right.

Still, it was a long shot.

“What makes you so sure of that?” Kevin asked.

Sami smiled, his voice wistful and innocent as he leaned against Kevin once more. “Because we’re the good guys. And the good guys always win in the end.”

Kevin’s heart was about to burst from secondhand optimism.

“Besides,” Sami added, “It’s also part of our destiny. To be the best tag team in the world.”

Kevin’s chest was so full of emotion that he couldn’t contain it any longer. Sitting up, he turned to pull Sami towards him, kissing him passionately on the lips. For several moments they kissed, their lips pressed together while their tongues clashed. When they finally came up for air, Kevin’s heart was pounding, and he couldn’t help but grin at Sami’s kiss-drunk expression and rosy, flushed cheeks.

Still catching his breath, Kevin said, “I love you. So damn much.”

Sami bit the corner of his lip, “Mmmm,” he hummed, “Why this time?”

“Because you somehow manage to be the best Sami Zayn on the planet every single day.”

Sami laughed playfully. “I think I’m the only Sami Zayn, or at least, the only one in our line of work.”

Kevin grinned. “You’re certainly the only one I’ve ever needed.”

Kevin watched as Sami’s eyes suddenly widened at the statement, the redhead’s breath hitching and his gaze diverting away.

It was an unexpected response, to say the least.

Shit, Kevin thought, what did I do wrong this time?

Sami, meanwhile, was finding his ever-moving hands extremely interesting, wringing his fingers together nervously.

“You don’t need me,” he said softly, “you never have.”

Oh.

Gently, Kevin reached out to take Sami’s tangled hands in his own.

“Sami,” said Kevin, “I've always needed you. I might not have realized it – God I can be so fucking stupid sometimes – but even when we weren’t friends, when we were fighting... I still did.”

Sami’s eyes met Kevin’s in the light of the television and Kevin swore he could see tears. He reached up to run his thumb across Sami’s cheek.

“I don’t care what you try to tell me,” Kevin said softly, “I won’t do it. There’s no future left where I will and not you, Shane McMahon, or any McMahon can make me. I’m not doing this, any of this, without you.”

Kevin watched as Sami’s lips slightly parted in disbelief before adding, “Sorry. You’re stuck with me this time.”

The notion seemed impossible but he had spoken the truth. He wouldn’t wrestle without Sami. Never again. He was going to be with him forever, in the ring, out of the ring, beyond the ring, and everything in between. Kevin was going to fight at Sami’s side until the day when they hung up their boots together and were jointly inducted into the Hall of Fame.

That was how it was always meant to be. They were destined to do so forever.

For several moments, Sami stayed still, staring at Kevin. It hurt Kevin to see the doubt in his lover’s face but even still, Sami was incredible to behold. There was no lighting, no situation, no universe in which Sami Zayn wasn’t the most gorgeous man on the planet with every emergent line and lingering freckle on his skin singing a wonderous song of perfection.

Because, in the end, that’s what Sami was.

Perfection.

A perfect, amazing, impossible angel, sent from Heaven above just for Kevin Owens, and he’d be damned to hell before he ever let Sami slip from his grasp again.

There must have been something about the way that Kevin was admiring Sami that said this because, with a small, emotional whimper, he leaned in sharply to kiss Kevin once more, any momentary doubt the two of them might have had dissolving in a burst of love and passion.

On the TV, the bell ran, ending the latter match and declaring the Hardyz the winner, but neither of them could be bothered to notice.

#Shanie's Fanfiction #Zowens

[deeisace]

Oh today is a day for anxiety is it

Lovely

I really really should make a doctor's appointment soon

I should have months ago, for one thing, years for another

I don't know what to do

Like I had that appt with the GIC I don't even remember when that was

Where I gave my stock line from like 5 years ago, which is not true any longer if it ever were, that I'd want low-dose T, and top surgery

So obviously the GIC person was like, oh I'll send you to an endo then

And like how do you take back smth you've already said, which is the same, probably, as whatever was written on the notes the awful guy at the walk-in wrote like 4 years ago, immediately after you've said it, in a very important situation that you can't fuck up at all

So I agreed to the endo appt, and then ignored my GP trying to contact me, cs I'm a fucking idiot

And it's been months, and I don't know what to do, and I'm terrified

I don't know if I've been taken off the GIC list for not doing what I said I would, I can't even fucking deal with that thought, I might not want anything else but I do want top surgery - I have some money saved, but going private is a whole other fucking ball park I don't have time to think about

I don't know if I'm still registered at my doctors, even, I haven't made an appointment with them for literally 3+ years (whatever covid + a year is, I think, last was for my knee - they said it was fine, do yoga and take painkillers) and and have been ignoring texts like nobody's business - is it like the dentists, where if you miss enough appointments they boot you? But I haven't made any appointments to miss, either, and that's probably bad too

I need to make an appointment to get a smear test too, which I've also been ignoring like my life depends on it - tho, I spose, in a way, my life depends on me getting those tests, actually, cs cancer runs in my family (or, it's not hereditary, there was a test done about that, but still my dad, his mum, and her mum have all three had cancer multiple times each) and I've had mystery right-abdomen ache on and off for years and years now, and never got it checked cs I don't I can't, and my period time before last was a literal horror-show to the point that my mum wondered if I'd had a miscarriage (not possible in any sense) or something, and last time was two weeks late but normal, and I'm waiting for this one still (I don't know if I should be timing based on the horror-show or last month) - and, tbh, my libido's gone up like you wouldn't believe lately, and I've no idea what's caused that if anything - tho my joints being fucked up this week mum says is hormones, cs that's how her joints go too (or, if she hadn't had birth control stuff for the last 20 years, is how it would go), so praps I should be waiting based on the horror-show, for this week

I don't know how to make an appointment, cs idk if the receptionist will ask what it's about to make a note, and I don't know if I'm even on their register any more

And even were I to get an appointment, I don't know how to say any of this at all, and I don't know if I could force myself to even enter the building for a test appointment, or not absolutely bawl and panic beyond words or anything, even could I go in

Nope, I have to stop crying now and think about something else, I can't I can't I can't

#fucking hell #ask to tag #it's just me panicking about not going to the doctors ever basically

[phant0mgames]

Trans Storylines challenge/life option

This isn't exactly a challenge more like a different way to play in a more realistic way.

Trans people need more representation in media and gameplays. The sims 4 is about writing stories and lives. So why not make a trans life the focus of your gameplay. I may make one for Enby sims as well.

Here we go:

Play on

short or normal life span

{Optional: For normal life span double the Simoleon amounts}

Start off your life at any age you feel but the best default is teen because they can do more. Also most transitions start at puberty/ prepubescent age.

Goal one: Get money to start transition.

-If you have the preteen mod. Don't get a teen job. No job other than baby sitting. You can get a regular teen job when your sim is a teen. If you want to do this without mods. children can be your preteens and the child sim can use child ways to earn money.

Or they can bond with their parents and have them pay the 50 simoleons deduction till young adult

-You can skip this if you did the step above. But if you want to do this without parental support

You need a job so you will be able to afford your treatment. So get a preteen/teen job and remove 50 simoleons out of the household to emulate the price of of hormone therapy.

Short life span do this 2 times

Normal do this 4 times

-Age up to a young adult

Young adult + Adult:

{ Optional: because not everyone has this. However the world is filled with cruel people who won't accept people for who they are. So you can make two or more sims have a negative relationship with your sim. [Using cheats or mods] So it can be parents or other family. Maybe some friends. Because they are transphobic or don't like change. You can choose to make up with them later or keep them out of your life.}

-Move out to a starter home, dorm or apartment.

-As a Young adult earn 5000 simoleons to get top surgery.

(Any job is fine.

Any way to make money is fine.)

-Change aesthetic to fit your gender.

If you want to be a big boob goth GF try for that goal

-Change your gender pronouns [using cas or mods]

-Continue the 50 simoleons deduction every two days till you earn enough for top surgery. Then deduct the 5000 from household funds when you get it. Use money cheat to remove funds

-Use breast toggle cheat to do top surgery. steps in picture below. Cas will be for bottom surgery and pronoun change.

Go to cas and then see your new chest.

-Decide does your sim want to have children. If so have it before you earn 10,000 Simoleons. If not then it doesn't matter. It is the sims life. So it is their choice.

(If your sim wants a child find love or have a science baby. Because even ace people can be parents)

{Optional: Don't have bottom surgery and continue to do the 50 simoleons deduction till death. Because not every trans person gets bottom surgery}

-Continue the 50 simoleons deduction till you earn enough for bottom surgery. Then deduct the 10000 from household funds when you get it. Do the change in cas and keep the body frame that was assigned to you at birth.

-Save another 2500 simoleons for facial surgery and body surgery all are done in cas.

{Optional: don't do this. Not everyone needs to pass. A non passing trans man or woman is still a man or woman. Passing is not everything. At the end of the day that is your sims choice. That is your sims life. That is fine. Your sims is still amazing}

Elder:

-Retire and take a long deserved vacation.

-add a family member or caretaker to your household

-When your sim passes your family or caretaker will put a gender affirming message on their grave.

Example: Loving mother and wife.

Loving woman with a good heart.

Strong father and husband.

He was #1

You did it! You lived a life as a transgender person. Hopefully there will be many trans stories. Mix things up and live good lives.

IF YOU WANT SOMONE WHO DOES GOOD LGBT CONTENT GO HERE:

Here is a video on trans clutter.

#thesims4 trans thesims4challenge lgbt #Youtube

[lady-caden]

:)

#sorry ima rant in the tags lol #it just. feels more private ya know? cuz like wayyy less ppl will actually read the tags lol #but yeah dyshopria tw ig? #today waa a good day aside from like. my one friend #like i have this one friend that i have a class with and ya know she knows im trans #but she just gets like? rlly upset that i dont rlly like my body agdgdjsks #she constantly is like 'i dont get y u dont like ur figure until i remember why' and its like...yep yeah #and today she said she was wishing she had my figure cuz i had 'big ass tint waist medium chest' #and this was. right after i told her how much i hated my chest asdfghkl #i just. shes trying to b a good ally but. like. she isnt great with this whole trans thing #she wants to hang out one of these days ill prolly bring it up then cuz even when i say i dont rlly like when ya know she brings it up i #always get interupted by the teacher or someone else cuz. school lol #idk i just. gahhhhh having a body ya know? wish i could just. i dont even know. i cant wait till i get older and can start t and even maybe #one day save up enough 4 top surgery #then one day i call this body home ya know? or actually make it feel that way at least #idk how t chnages fat distribution in like thighs/ass but even if that doesnt change too much ig id b ok with lookin like solid snake lol #also istg i only rlly have skinny jeans and leggings cuz they feel nice and i keep jusy tryin to make myself like how I look till i realize #that how most ppl clock im afab :') #whatever ima just distract myself w/hyperpop #ok rant over ! #idk if ima actually keep this up i judt wanted to write it out ya know? #i use tumblr tags like my own personal journal lmaoo #ok well i hope these tags dont get messed up cuz i dont wanna fix em #also srry 4 still bein inactive #its just cuz im busy as hecc lately #rambles

[l-artemisia-del-secolo]

That time of the month

Yelena Belova X reader, one shot, angst+fluff, mentions of Red Room methods of control, dealing with their consequences, overall a heavy topic

You had that feeling every month. Yelena was hiding something from you. Something very personal. Something after all this time you didn't deserve to hear. For a few days she was quiet, distant, cold. Your clingy girlfriend was turning into someone else. You didn't know that version of Yelena. That one wasn't yours. And she didn't allow you to change that.

Sometimes she was on the missions during those days. You hated yourself for thinking that was a relief. A relief from a woman you wanted to spend your life with.

You remembered vividly when this happened for the first time. Your first month together. Every time you touched her that day she flinched. Your Yelena didn't want you. And that was hurtful.

Other than these few days you had perfect relationship. You both wanted to have a home, a family, white fence. A cliche fucking fence. You wanted a life together. You two, your dogs, maybe a parrot. Who knew.

Maybe it was all your fault. You were not supportive enough, not open enough. Not dying for Yelena enough.

You met on a rainy day in a coffee shop with her colleagues, damn dark avengers, daring her to approach you. Any other person would get a cold smile and idontcarewhoyouarenoidontwanttohaveagoodtime. But you've noticed her before she even looked at you. With her weirdly low voice and a confusing laugh. And apparently with both a knife and a multitool sticking out of her vest.

On your first date Yelena brought you to a race track. 'cause you mentioned you've never ridden a bike. Sure, she had a BMW, modified by some genius. You were driving a Peugeot.

On a second date she brough you to the shooting range. Before that you shot from a slingshot once or twice in your childhood.

On a third date there was an attack on the facility. She had to go. After the attack she went to your apartment and stayed there. It's been 4 months.

You were so different, but managed to be a perfect match.

She even introduced you to her family. Weird and, well, Russian. Allowed you to walk her dog and even wear her vest.

She loved you. But your Yelena loved you. Not that distant one.

You had a guess. of course you did. But that was a vague answer. The one you didn't want to say out loud.

For 4 months not once did you notice Yelena having "that time of month". Not a single word or sign. She could have had them on her missions, while she was away. While she was saving a world. You tried to ask once, but she quickly brushed it off

Your Yelena would tell you if there was something. You were sure.

Until one day you felt a familiar pain. You could swear someone was squeezing everything inside. Luckily Yelena was near. Burning your neck with her breath. one of calmer nights or mornings rather. without nightmares or muffled screams.

You groaned. Your periods have always been so painful. First day almost unbearable.

"are you all right?" Of course Yelena woke up.

"no, I'm..." Another spasm.

And than Yelena got it. Your painkiller. It was on her side of the bed, 'cause of the recent injury.

She gave it to you. "Don't drink them, until I get you some water."

You could hear her walking barefoot to the kitchen, trying not to wake up Fanny.

Two minutes and she was with you. Stroking your hair, kissing your palms. She would always do that. Her ritual.

You took the tablet.

"I'm so sorry I woke you up." You could feel your body heating up.

"it's ok, babe. I know how it's for you. Do you want anything else?"

"No, it's fine. I guess I need to go to the gynecologist. Maybe she would recommend me something. Pain is getting worse every time"

"Sure. I'll go with you."

"maybe I should go to a different doctor. Which one do you go to?"

Yelena froze. She stopped caressing you. A familiar feeling. Those days. Cold days.

"Babe..." You kissed her cheek to get attention.

"Yeah. I was just... You know, I'll ask Kate if she could..."

"Sure. But I was asking you, babe. Where did you go the last time you did a check up? Or you have one at your facility?"

"Нет (no), нет (no), у нас нет (we don't have one)."

Something was very wrong. With you Yelena was using Russian very rarely. When she was mad or... lost. Like that one time she didn't understand your interaction with a friend and got jealous. Or when Fanny had a surgery after an accident with a bulldog.

"i... Well ... Просто (just) I don't do check ups"

"what?" You were not hearing it right. Yelena is in her top form. She has to be. Her organism has to be in perfect condition.

"мне не нужно (no need)."

"how is that possible?"

You didn't want to push her. Be nosy.

"hey, babygirl." You cautiously took her hand and stroked it. "Remember. It's your safe place."

"Yeah." She smiled weakly. "And you're my safe person."

You had this conversation before. Many times. Piece by piece she was telling you about her past. Blood on her ledgers. That's her term. At first you were terrified. But day by day, story by story you taught herself to understand her and never to judge.

"Do you want to call Fanny to lay with us?"

"No, I'll be fine."

You expected her to get up and add the distance between you two. But she did the opposite. She hugged you and started talking.

"I've told you about the Red Room. You know what I've been through. Physical, psychological torture. Humiliation and manipulation. We were mindless robots. And you know what a robot doesn't need?."

She let out a bitter laugh. "I never specifically told you what they did to us. What would be the point? Напугать тебя или надавить на жалость? (To scare you or to make you feel sorry?). Нас бы это убило (this would kill is). Well, attachments and feelings. You see where I'm going with this?"

Yelena looked you in the eyes. Hers filled with tears and sadness. She was afraid. She never told this story to anyone outside the Red Room. She lived with this. Not a burden. But rather a fact. Reality. Truth. Days of the months when she felt nothing.

You slowly nodded. Your Yelena was lost. And she was lost even when she was with you. And you didn't see that.

"They call it a церемония (ceremony). Hysterectomy. No emotions, no desires, no problems." Yelena sobbed. "I'm sorry, I didn't tell you before. You have a right to know."

You did have a right to know. Sure. But that wasn't the thing that mattered now. Somehow you already thought of that. Somewhere deep inside, barely a though but a sensation. But now, hearing it from her broke your heart, tore your nerves apart and took away your peace.

"It's.. it's not about me." You tried really hard to sound confident. "Babygirl, I... I won't say that I understand what you've been through or what you feel. But I swear I'll be there for you. It's our family, our pack, our fence. Remember, we're each others life."

How cheap it all sounded. You knew that. Yelena knew that. You took her face in your hands, touched her forehead with yours and whispered. "You're my Yelena. We're gonna go through this together. You're not alone."

"you sure you want me like this?"

"there's no like this. Just my Yelena"

#black widow 2021 #black widow fic #marvel self insert #yelena belova #yelena belova fanfiction #yelena belova imagine #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x you #might be slitly ooc

[apricotbuncakes]

🏳️‍⚧️ Luigi is Trans Masc 🏳️‍⚧️

Long Post!!!

Now that I have your attention, here are some reasons that I headcanon Luigi as trans, based off of my own experience as a trans masc person.

1) He ghosts hunts even when he has the option to say no.

Could this be a ‘I have to save my loved ones from danger’ or a ‘this is the right thing to do even though I’m scared’ situation? Yeah! But I’m trans and grasping for straws, so let me have this.

I put this as a reason for him being trans, because I believe he’s doing it because he’s a man and he’s ‘not supposed to be afraid’.

Luigi is assumed to be 24, and his character was first introduced in the 1980s, specifically 1983. Assuming he was 24 when the first game released, he would have been born in 1959 (feel free to check my math on that).

Although his character was introduced in the 80s where men tended to be more feminine and flamboyant, he was probably raised with the idea that men should be tough and strong, and should lead. Even if we throw release date and age aside, even if he was born in my generation, those stereotypes of men still exist and are taught within society. Even as those norms are being broken day after day, he would have still been exposed to the toxic masculinity.

Luigi, from what we’ve seen of his adventures, tends to be more scared and less ‘tough’ than what was expected of a man. From what we know of Luigi, we can safely assume that (if he was trans) he would be doing this not only for his family and friends, but to prove he was tough and strong, and that he was manly.

2) He dresses like his brother.

Yes, he is a plumber by trade, but he also ghosts hunts, and makes bank off of that. You think he would wear a different outfit when he ghost hunts simply because denim Isn’t meant for physical activity. Anyone who’s run in jeans knows that it isn’t exactly meant to be stretchy. It’s (supposed to be) designed to withstand the test of time. So why doesn’t Luigi change from plumbing cloths (specifically his denim overalls) to something more suited for the running he has to do in various places for ghost hunting? Because Mario wears overalls and a t-shirt.

From what I’ve seen on social media, other trans people follow the lead of those around them who match their gender identity/their presentation. I would do the same was well. I would look at what my dad wore, what my brother would wear, and what guys at school wore. I developed my style after what I had seen, so I could pass.

While you don’t have to pass to be trans (or even have the desire to), it’s a common theme amongst trans people to try and blend in with cis society. This can be for safety reasons, or just because they want to fit in with their peers.

Luigi clearly looks up to his brother, crying tears of joy whenever Mario is saved from King Boo. He congratulates him when he wins events. He supports him, because he looks up to him. They’re brothers after all!

It makes sense that Luigi would mirror Mario, since they are so close. Since Mario is most often seen wearing his overalls, Luigi follows suit, because it’s what he believes guys do. He’s following the example that Mario set for him.

3) Luigi’s view on gender expression.

Luigi has had a couple of instances where he is known to ignore typical gender stereotypes, specifically with dresses.

In the game super Mario Odyssey, Mario can be seen wear a wedding gown with a veil, and Luigi is only concerned that Mario didn’t tell him about the wedding. There was no wedding, and Luigi didn’t mock Mario when informed that his brother was wearing the gown for fun.

The second major instance is from the New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe website. The website tells us that only Toadette can use the Super crown. The last part of the Super Crown’s description says “Sorry Luigi- Only Toadette can use this item!”

While this could point to Luigi being trans fem instead of trans masc, I would like to point out that recently, it has become more accepted that men can dress feminine. Since this game was released in 2019, it’s completely possible that Luigi has caught onto this, and is becoming more accepted and accepting of his femininity as a man. This would also be plenty of time to unlearn harmful stereotypes from when he was younger, about what men can and can’t do. Although he still sticks with old habits, he’s learning more about how the world around him works, and how it’s changing day by day.

I believe that Luigi has a better understanding of gender and gender expression because he is trans. He’s learning to accept that he doesn’t have to be hyper masculine to be a valid guy.

4) How he got his mustache and flat chest (and… other stuff).

This section will be discussing the effects of hormones, surgeries, and genitalia. Please keep this in mind as you read.

This is more of an explanation for how certain things happened.

How did he grow a mustache? Testosterone. It was likely after helping his brother with his career, and winning sporting events he had a good amount of income to start Testosterone. Another option? Minoxidil. Minoxidil was tested to see if it could cure ulcers in the 50s. Through testing, The Upjohn Company discovered it opened blood vessels and allowed for blood to flow more smoothly. In the late 70s, it was FDA approved for patients to use if they suffer from high blood pressure. Through this, they discovered that minoxidil also has the side effect of hair growth. The FDA approved the product to be sold, and it was called Rogaine. Meaning Luigi would have had access to something to grow facial hair, even if testosterone wasn’t an option.

What about his flat chest?

Binding or Top surgery. Both were an option by the time Luigi was old enough. Laurence Michael Dillon was a trans person who was born in 1915 and died in 1962. While I do recommend you look at more of his story, what I want to focus on is the fact he had top surgery. While the surgery was still fairly early in it’s development, it was possible. Luigi, who wasn’t born until 1959 (as previously discussed) would have the option to get top surgery when he became an adult.

Another option would be binding, though I think this is less likely because of how binding restricts physical activity. Binding in any way makes it difficult to run or exert yourself in general. We see Luigi run a LOT in various games, and for decent amounts of time too. It’s less likely that he’s binding.

The last thing is his penis.

There was a huge joke going around about the bulge we saw in a promotion for Mario Tennis Aces. People were discussing how large it was, and Even Mattpat on Game Theory discussed the measurements to determine how large it was.

Why was it so noticeable? Well bottom surgery was also an option for him pretty early on. Surgeons (from what I’ve been told be social media) will ask how you’d like to look like. Even if he decided to not get bottom surgery, he could be wearing a packer.

A packer is anything you use to give the feeling and or appearance of a penis, specifically used by trans masc people who were not born with a penis. There are many different types of packers (including clean rolled up socks) that people may use. What’s most important to note though, is they have a high chance of moving around.

Even with harnesses or underwear specifically designed to keep a packer in place, they can still shift around in your pants, especially when you’re doing a lot of moving. From my experience, my packers tent to move forward rather than back. Wearing athletic shorts will also make that area more pronounced as the fabric is looser, so if Luigi was wearing a packer, we’d know.

5) He’s trans cause I say so.

Like I said in the beginning, it’s a head canon. I say he’s trans because it’s a cool idea. A Nintendo character that is trans, and isn’t being hidden, explained away, or made fun of (like Vivian from Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door). I like the idea that Luigi is a proud trans guy, and we don’t know because it doesn’t matter. He’s a guy because he’s a guy. He doesn’t just ‘become’ a guy because he goes through surgeries or goes in hormones. He’s trans, and t doesn’t matter if we know or not, because his trans identity isn’t important to the story we’re playing, or our knowledge to know. We aren’t entitled to it.

He’s a guy who happens to be trans, and that’s that.

If there is any misinformation above, please let me know so I can correct it. This was meant to be a fun post about my head canon, but I did use real world examples t explain it, and if I got something wrong, I’d like to know. Thanks!

#Luigi is trans #Luigi is a trans guy #trans masc #transgender #ftm #trans #Nintendo #luigi nintendo #Luigi #mario #mario bros #Super Mario Bros #he’s trans because I say he is #I don’t take criticism for my head canon #queer history #binding #chest binding #packing #trans packer #packer #top surgery #bottom surgery #hrt #testosterone