#on top of that i feel so incredibly lonely i’m so sad i don’t want to live like this but i have to

[lt-natrace]

Travelin' Sailor | Robert "Bob" Floyd

Description: A fic based on the song Travelin' Soldier except it's the happy ending that it should have been

Content: Sad/Lonely!Bob for a minute, less than ideal family dynamics (Bob has mommy issues low key), friends that aren’t supportive, a love at first sight so quick it’s unreal, wrong info about the navy, probably wrong timing of how long it takes to receive a letter from cross country on a naval base, happy ending I promise

Word Count: 3.8k

The absolute biggest thanks to @hederasgarden for being my beta on this and being incredibly patient with me never wanting to end a sentence properly. Another thank you to the top gun gang discord for encouraging me to write (and post) again, so much love for y'all.

You could always tell when spring was turning to summer despite the dates on the calendar. The humidity had begun to hang around, the sun set later, and those that came in on lunch break used more napkins to wipe their sweat. You found yourself fanning your warm skin in between running food in the family owned diner you worked in when your coworker, Melissa, asked you to cover her section while she took a quick break. It was nearing the end of the day and the dinner rush had begun to die down, so you accepted. 

A few minutes later, you spotted a tall man with dirty blond hair, outdated wire-framed glasses, and a green jumpsuit making his way across the small dining room to sit at the high top bar. It wasn’t unusual to see men from your small Tennessee town in uniform, many of them took any opportunity to get out just as you were planning yourself. However, most of them were surrounded by loved ones right before deployment. He sat alone, placing his duffel bag on the seat next to him and resting his arms on the counter. As you made your way over to him, you found yourself wondering how someone could be alone at such a time. He had a baby face, but he couldn’t have been much older than you. 

“Can I start you off with something to drink?” you asked with a kind smile, feeling sympathetic. 

“Not really hungry, ma’am. I could use some company though,” the blond man uttered in a quiet voice, as he glanced up only long enough to get a quick look at you. 

“Well, I’m afraid I’m not off for another hour, but if you want to wait until then you’re more than welcome to…Lieutenant Robert Floyd,” you said, reading the patch on his chest as you leaned down and rested your elbows on the bartop in an attempt to see his face better.  He looked down at his fidgeting hands, a deep red forming on his neck as he replied, “That’s fine, I have a few hours until I need to be in Memphis anyways.”

Despite what he said, you still put in an order of fries and got him a fresh cup of iced water. He graciously accepted and you spent the rest of your shift finishing with the few tables you had left, grateful it was a weekday and you didn’t have anyone coming in at the last minute. Throughout clearing tables, grabbing your tips, and beginning to sweep, you felt his eyes on you. Looking up, you had caught the man at the counter looking away as quickly as possible, creating a small smile on your face. As you rounded the corner from the kitchen with your purse and removed your apron, you found him rummaging through his bag.

“Ready to go?” you asked, shaking your hair out from the bow you used to tie it back.

“Um, yeah, I just need to find my wallet to pay for my food,” he stated, not removing his eyes from his duffel as he pushed his hands through the side pockets.

“Don’t worry about it Floyd, consider it a thank you for all that you do,” you said, grabbing his plate and taking it back to the kitchen. You found him shifting in his seat, obviously uncomfortable. “Or you can get me next time”.

He relaxed slightly, grabbing his duffel and watching as you came out from behind the bar to meet him. It wasn’t until he was standing next to you that you realized how tall he really was. You grabbed his arm, wishing Melissa a good night and walked through the front door. Starting your walk down the street, you noticed the hot sun finally beginning to set beyond the trees. 

“My name-, he started.

“So, are you,” you began, realizing you had spoken in unisom. “You first.”

“I was, uh, I was just going to say everyone calls me Bob,” he stated, motioning to the patch on his chest.

“Ok, Bob, I was just asking if you were from this area, think I would remember someone like you,” you inquired, watching a small smile, the first you’d seen him crack, appear on his face. 

“No, m’am, I was born and raised just outside of Knoxville, one blinking stoplight, one bar. Seems like you might know the type.” He let out a chuckle as he looked around the small main street you’ve been taking him down for the past few minutes.

Shortly after, the two of you arrived at a small wooden dock overlooking a pond that had begun to look green with lily pads. You sat your bag on the picnic table and walked down the rickety dock, making careful steps to avoid the weaker spots. Looking over your shoulder as you sat, you spotted Bob cautiously trying to follow your steps. You felt the dock shake slightly the closer he got to where you were seated, feet dangling inches above the water. He sat next to you, pulling his legs under him to avoid getting his boots wet. After a few moments of silence he spoke up.

“Miss, I need to be honest here. I know you probably have a boyfriend and I’m just a stranger, but I got no one back home. I remember during basic, they would pass the letters from loved ones out and I would just sit there. Having to would watch everyone read how much they were missed back home and I would just hope that maybe,” he cleared his throat. “Maybe next time, I’d have someone missing me. Yet here I am, headed to base for the next few months with no one. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, I’d like to send a letter back here to you.”

You watched him lift his head, his blue eyes meeting yours for the first time. Your heart ached, wondering how a man with so much love could have no one to send a letter home to. 

“Who said I have a boyfriend?” You asked, keeping eye contact as long as he allowed.

“I guess I just assumed a girl like you would have men asking left and right for at least a dance,” Bob said in a voice so quiet, it was barely heard over the sound of the cicadas. 

“Well then, it may come as a surprise to you that I do not have a boyfriend and I have far less men asking me for a dance than you’d expect. Zero to be exact,” you trailed off, suddenly embarrassed by the admission. “But, I really would enjoy receiving a letter from you, Bob”

He smiled at you, “Tell me about yourself“

The two of you spent the next few hours talking about your hometowns, his time training, and even what he could about the next few months. When the time finally came for him to make his way back to town to catch his ride, the sun had set and the air had become cool again.

You walked him back into town, sharing a comfortable silence. Reaching where you had parked, you found yourself filled with dread at the idea of him leaving. You finally met a man your age with a good head on his shoulders, and he was hours away from being shipped across the country from you. Trying not to be bitter in your last moments together, you looked up at him with the best fake smile you could muster. Despite knowing him for only four hours at this point your conversations felt so natural and you hoped that he’d felt the same.

“I wanna thank you for today,” he started, looking down at his hands as you leaned against your car. “Having someone to be with before being sent away made today less dreary…” he trailed off, looking back at your face, and studying your reaction. Although you would never understand what he was feeling now, you couldn’t imagine the loneliness that came from not having anyone to come home to after months away. 

“The pleasure was all mine, never met a navy pilot before.” You smirked, watching him open his mouth in protest. “Sorry, forgot you’re ‘just a WSO’. I can’t believe you thought being the person in charge of dropping bombs from an airplane was lame. I never wanna hear that again, got it?”

He looked at you confused for a moment. “Again?”

“Well, I’m not going to write these letters and pay postage for a man I don’t plan on seeing again. Plus, you owe me for the fries.” You replied, watching his face redden as he pushed his glasses back up.

“You'll wait for me?’ He asked, making sure he was reading you correctly.

“As long as I keep getting replies to my letters.” You reached up, wrapping your arms around his neck to embrace him and hoped he couldn’t hear the way your heart was beating out of your chest. After a moment, you pulled away, taking one last look into his eyes as a truck pulled up. As it slowed to where you both stood, you noticed a man in a similar uniform sat in the driver’s seat. Bob took a step back, eyes staying locked on yours as he opened the door and climbed in. You broke contact first, hand rummaging through your purse at your side as you took two steps forward, now standing on the edge of the curb. Your hand hit silk and you pulled the ribbon out quickly.

“Something to remind you to come back,” you said, reaching through the rolled down window, and tying it onto his duffel bag. You knew he’d have to find somewhere else to keep it once he got to base, but for the time being, it would be tied in a bow on the top strap.

You stood still, watching the truck drive away until it turned down a street out of sight. You walked slowly, feet dragging along the pavement to your car. You took a few moments of silence to consider the events of today before you turned the key and made your way home, drafting what you wanted to include in your first letter.

—--------------

The first month went by fast, school was out for the summer which meant there were more teenagers at the restaurant and more time you spent working. The times you weren’t, you spent in thought about Lt. Robert Floyd. Your friends took notice of how often you spent staring off and despite your best efforts to explain the connection, everyone brushed it off as a simple school girl crush over a man in a uniform. At first you were frustrated having to explain how in a few short hours and two letters with military postage, you felt you knew him forever. As the months would go on, the comments from your friends had become less frequent. You didn’t know if it was from them beginning to understand or them growing bored of the same jokes, but it didn’t matter.  The third letter you’d received at the very end of the month had a new return address– San Diego. You felt your heart ache as he was now across the country. 

By the second month, you built a routine of sorts. The main part included going into work before the sun rose to distract yourself and avoid worrying about how he was. Some days you felt silly, stressing over a man that was too busy doing tasks of actual importance to worry about some girl he met once at a small diner in a map dot town. Other days, you worried about his safety. You would attempt to reassure yourself with the thought that he knew what he was doing, but his pilot? You had no idea who they were. Did they have someone to come home to? Did they care about the safety of their WSO in the backseat? You wondered if the man that drove him to base was his pilot. 

The days new letters came were your favorite. No matter how soon the last letter had come in, everyday you’d run to the mailbox hoping to find a white envelope with clear, neat handwriting addressed to you. On days you did, you’d drop your bag on the floor of the hallway and hurry to sit and read every word of his surprisingly tidy cursive. After the third read you’d carefully fold it back up exactly as it was and hold it to your chest, sighing deeply. Any chores you’d saved for after work were abandoned in order to get your reply out as soon as possible. 

The third month was hard, nothing you did could distract you from your thoughts. Everywhere you looked there were banners and flags in celebration of those who serve. The local VFW hall was handing out small flags with tags that included names of local veterans or those currently serving. Your friends humored you by tagging along when you placed one in the ground, a small label that read, Lieutenant Robert “BOB” Floyd US Navy, WSO.You spent the Fourth of July watching fireworks with your loved ones, hoping next year he could be beside you on the small blanket. After the holiday passed, you went back to the VFW hall and grabbed the small flag to show Bob when he returned. 

The fourth month brought a lot of doubt from those around you, especially your friends. You were young and they felt you should be out having fun, not waiting by your mailbox hoping for a letter from your favorite sailor. You had shared your frustrations with Melissa and some of the regulars at work, but they encouraged you to ignore what those around you had to say. The older crowd at work especially loved what you were doing, believing it was romantic and a true test of commitment.

At the beginning of the fifth month, you had grown anxious. It had been almost a month since you heard anything from him. The prior letter was short and explained, without giving details, that training was going to be more rigorous to help prepare them for something that had come up. This meant that he wouldn’t be able to write much. In your reply to him you wrote you understood the situation and told him he needed to focus on training. The letters could wait if they needed to, you wanted him to have a clear mind in the sky. That was twenty six days ago. Worried thoughts had begun to take up space in your mind with each day that passed. You wondered if his plane was shot down or if there was a malfunction in equipment during training. In the back of your mind you selfishly wondered if he had grown bored of this game the two of you had been playing. 

After one exceptionally long day you raced home to check your mailbox and this time, there was a letter. In his handwriting, your full name and address were on the front. Tears welled up in your eyes out of relief and you couldn’t wait to open it inside. As you sat in your car, you carefully opened the envelope and saw it contained more pages than he had ever written. Each sentence cleared any doubt you had about him coming back to you.

The first page was strictly apologies. One for the late reply and making you wait for him, the other for not being able to fill you in. In the second page, he went on to explain that he had been selected for a mission that was ‘complicated’, as he described it. He figured it was easier to sugar coat it than worry you that his admiral called it a suicide mission. But somehow, against all odds, everyone made it back on the carrier.

Bob shared more about his family next, he explained that he was raised by a single mother that worked nights and overtime to support them. This led to him joining the navy right out of high school after researching the benefits they could receive. He wanted to step up and help provide a better life for the both of them. He even wrote how he watched her heart break when she found the papers in his bedroom. Instead of beaming with pride as he expected, she was furious, wondering how he could put himself into such a dangerous situation willingly. It’s been nearly four years since they’ve spoken. The fear of losing him in a tragic accident was too great and she couldn’t take anymore heartbreak.

Your cheeks had become damp with tears, but you continued to read. As he would tell you later, you had become the first person Bob ever admitted feeling scared to. He would never tell anyone else, but sometimes the lack of control in the backseat made his hands sweat. This was immediately followed by how in those times of fear the past five months, he would take a deep breath and imagine you. Specifically how you looked dipping the tips of your shoes into the pond with a smile on your face, a pale pink haze from the sunset surrounding you. Your letters  motivated him to stay focused and do whatever he needed to do in order to come back for you. Afterall, he owed you fries, and he could never turn back on that. 

You sat in your car until long after the sun had set and the cool breeze coming in the windows helped to dry your tear stained cheeks. You held the letter against your chest like all the times before, but this time it wasn’t just to feel close to him, it was to make sure that you weren’t dreaming. You wanted to be sure that the pages where he had poured his heart out to you were real. You tried to imagine him writing the letter, probably on a bunk too small for his height. Maybe it was late at night after everyone else had fallen asleep. Above all, you wondered if he felt the same butterflies writing it as you did reading it. The thought alone left you with a giddy smile as you walked into the house. 

Three weeks had passed since that day and you still reread parts of the letter daily. Specifically, the final paragraph where he’d promised to come back. You’d gotten a few letters since, one that had come the next day apologizing for dumping a lot on you. He hoped it hadn’t scared you off, but if it did, he understood. At the end of it he told you that they were starting to wrap up this deployment and while it could still take another month until he was back, the end was within reach. After receiving it you woke up everyday excited to see if today was the day. However, you didn’t feel disappointed when you returned home alone because that meant you were one day closer.

On the last Saturday of the fifth month, you arrived at work early in anticipation of a busy day. There was a lot that needed to be done and you didn’t want to be working on it while the breakfast rush was coming in. As expected, the diner filled up within an hour of being open and remained busy for most of the day. Thankful for the fall weather that had begun to come in, you opened the windows in the late afternoon to get some fresh air before remaking the coffee. With your back still turned to the door you heard the familiar chime of the bell alerting you to someone arriving.

“I’ll seat you in just a second!” You called out, focused on pouring fresh water into the coffee pot.

“That’s alright ma'am, I think I’ll sit at the counter if that’s alright. Just here for some fries,” a timid voice replied. 

You turned around to greet the man and there he stood, Lieutenant Robert Floyd in the same green flight suit you met him in nearly six months ago. He had a slight tan from the west coast sun and he looked tired, but it was him. You stared in disbelief, wondering if your eyes were playing tricks on you.

It took one of your favorite regulars yelling out, “Well honey, don’t just stand there, welcome the sailor home!” to snap you out of your trance.

You don’t remember where the mug you were holding went, all you could focus on was taking the five large steps across the outdated tile to be standing in front of him. Bob met you halfway and pulled you into a tight hug, his hand holding the back of your neck. You nuzzled your head into his shoulder and inhaled, trying to memorize the way this moment felt in every sense. The silence that had fallen over the diner was gradually replaced with the regular sounds of the dinner rush, but you don’t hear any of it. The only thing you could focus on was his heart beating, the sound grounding you to him. After a few moments, you removed your head from its spot and looked into his eyes. His watery blue eyes meet yours as the tears that had been collecting begin to descend down your cheeks. 

“Hey, hey, hey, no tears okay? I’m here, plus I brought something back for you,” he said as he moved his thumbs from the side of your face to wipe your tears. One hand unzipped the flight suit and the other reached into the breast pocket, pulling out the same silk ribbon you had given him. You were surprised at the condition. It was perfectly intact. He reached around your shoulders to tie your hair back with it, similar to how it was when he first got a glimpse of you. As you opened your mouth to ask how he kept it so nice, Melissa called out, “Alright kids, outta here, I’ll close up tonight.”

Before you could protest, Bob had your hand in his and was pulling you outside to where his truck was parked. As you reached the door he turned you, pressing your back against the warm metal and leaning down close, trying to judge your reaction. With a subtle nod, he closed the gap between the two of you for the first time. His lips were soft and you reached up to grab at the back of his neck..

He pulled away first. “It’s nice to have someone to come home to.”

Tagging: @skvatnavle @a-reader-and-a-writer @callsign-phoenix @wildbornsiren @hederasgarden

#my writing #bob #robert bob floyd #bob floyd #bob floyd fic #bob floyd x reader #bob floyd x you #robert bob floyd x you #top gun maverick #top gun maverick fic #top gun x reader

[bright-and-burning]

tagged by @landoisokay and @bsaka7 to do my 9 favorite albums (with commentary. i had a lot to say...)

these are all relatively recent because i pick and choose older songs individually more than i listen to them as a single album. like i could pick at least an album’s worth of queen songs, but they’re not all off the same album, ya feel.

in no particular order!! w some explainers below the cut:

dreamland (2020) - glass animals. i almost put how to be a human being but i’ve been listening to that album basically on repeat for the last three weeks so i needed to switch it up. such an experience of an album honestly?? where how to be a human being makes me feel like the main character in an over-saturated murderous movie set in miami, dreamland is like, over-saturated fast car movie set in tokyo (the like. hollywood idea of tokyo, to be clear). forever intertwined with midnight walks through empty cities during covid, driving too fast, the first time i hung out with people after getting to come back to college, neon lights on cinderblock walls and $12 plastic handles of liquor. fundamentally bittersweet as an album imo? but so full of bangers that you forget that it’s . really sad. tokyo drifting with denzel curry was my top song of 2020 and spotify helpfully informed me that i listened to it 30 times on my 19th birthday. lol. the “get loose, streetfighter” with the street fighter sound effect… oh yeah baby that’s art. it’s all so incredibly loud also a song of all time tbh. whole album is floaty and sharp all at once, insane production, the perfect sadness layered underneath, every song building into this brilliant crescendo… perfect album for 2020 eve for like so many reasons, i could wax on about this for AGES so if u want more drop an ask no joke it’ll make my week. still holds up soooo well

lemonade (2016) - beyonce. LOL. this album dropped right around when i was getting cheated on by my gf of. over a year. and then we broke up and i signed the papers to transfer schools the next day without telling anyone. so this album fr got me through uprooting my entire life to start over. (what timing, to get cheated on right as beyonce drops her got-cheated-on album). i knew beyonce belonged on here (too influential musically to me to Not) but i was stumped on what specific album to include (i had 4 on cd in my car in high school, for example, and homecoming: the live album felt like cheating) until i remembered how much play time this one got, and how much i leaned on the album and the visuals then (which. by the way. i bought on itunes bc it wasn’t available for streaming. used precious data bc school wifi wouldn’t let me download it. possibly the last album i bought on itunes??)

save rock and roll (2013) - fall out boy. oh man. 2015 me was on one bc i was a HUGE mcr/fob/atl/p!atd/green day girl but at the Exact same time. a 1d girlie. my shuffle would literally go from mama to up all night. ANYWAYS. was stuck between american beauty/american psycho and save rock and roll, but i think american beauty/american psycho didn’t hold my attention for long and only recently came back on my radar (has some very toxic inspiration won’t lie). the mighty fall ft big sean? life changing. big fan of rappers being dropped into songs that you aren’t expecting them to feature on. “i’m either fuckin or workin so the grind don’t stop” is a work of art. young volcanoes and save rock and roll were legitimately like. the most comforting songs of all time as a sad and lonely 14 year old

when we were friends (2019) - the backseat lovers. starts out so strong and keeps it going. what an album to listen to while absurdly into someone who then starts dating your roommate lol. just like, beautiful stuff. makes me yearn. crazy good to belt out in the car while driving

cleopatra (2016) - the lumineers. feels like home, and being dumb young and in love to me. i’ve been listening to them since ho hey played on our local membership supported radio station when i was . 11?? finally got to see them two summers ago and bawled my eyes out the entire time. this whole album no skips but also like. so overwhelmingly nostalgic and infused with feelings with nowhere to go that i can’t help but want to cry. i learned how to play ophelia on a piano in a basement of a dorm i’ll never see the inside of again lol. patience makes me insane and it’s literally just piano. the lumineers in general make a lot of music that makes me ache for times and places i can’t return to, but this album is pretty peak for it

lungs (deluxe edition) (2009) - florence + the machine. god florence just does not miss does she. dog days are over another local member supported radio station hit. i started listing all the perfect songs off and then had to stop because i was listing the entire track list. floaty and romantic with a heavy edge of morbidity and violence. remember when i said i love when rappers on songs you aren’t expecting? if you listen to anything from this post PLEASE listen to you’ve got the dirtee love ft dizzee rascal from this album. a long ass album that’s good the whole way through, i’ll truly never tire of it

ctrl (2017) - sza. i think SOS might be better and eventually take this slot but i’m trying not to let recency impact this too much. drew barrymore went quintuple platinum in my bedroom in high school. it really was the perfect album for insecure 16 year old me? speaks of growth that listening to this album doesn’t hit me where i live half as much as it used to, that instead of being like damn so real sza to things like . “im sorry im so clingy i dont mean to be a lot... lonely enough to let you treat me like this” im like. damn good song

hozier (expanded edition) (2014) - hozier. take me to church another song that member supported ad-free radio station introduced me to. what a fucking album my GOD. angel of small death and the codeine scene… jackie and wilson was literally like. the love song to me. still is can’t lie. need to be saved and have hands through my hair. every single song has lines that literally make my jaw drop, i feel like i discover something new on every listen through. “free and young and we can feel none of it”… foreigner’s god makes my chest ache. i can’t fucking believe this album is ten years old???

mt joy (2018) - mt joy. another album that reminds me of home; my whole family listened to this for months on end during covid. i’m your wreck is such an opener… “and whatever happens please remember all the laughter” like i’ll cry. my instagram bio is from this song lol. the bit where it shifts into what my family calls shoulder lean mode… anyways. ASTROVAN!!! A SONG ABOUT JESUS SMOKING WEED but like. also an emotional tale of assuring mom how music’ll work out even if they’re broke the whole time. whole album gives me Feelings. this might be the happiest album on this list and it’s. not really that happy. just a very specific kind of like. optimism. we move forward even when we look back. the world fails us but we build it better. idk. like the last song is a break up song, but it’s whole thing is “so if you worry, don’t worry bout me, i always wanted you to see the california coast-line on your own time.” so like yeah, love is burning out, but don’t worry about me. i told u. Feelings.

uhhhh no pressure tagging @mecachrome @freeuselandonorris @monacotrophywife and @oscarpiastriwdc

#tag game

[kaicean]

I normally just draw and not make long text posts but I have bundled up Natsu/Lucy feelings I want to word vomit ever since I picked up the Fairy Tail game out of curiosity (PLS & THIS & ?!?!) and most of all watched the Dragon Cry movie for the very first time a few months ago (July ironically). This movie dragged me back by the neck to this ship I loved several years ago.

Now I own a copy of the movie’s storyboard manga drawn by Mashima himself and the pamphlet. I flip through the pages of these two more times than I can count like-

真島自らが描いた、ナツの回想の中ルーシィ Natsu’s recollection of Lucy, drawn by Mashima himself

I’ve read several essays + interview (i, ii, iii, iv, v, vi, vii to name a few) revolving around the famous nalu scenes in the movie, but I don’t think I ever came across anyone talking about what I think is the ultimate song that perfectly captures them in their entirety—Dragon Cry’s ending theme What You Are by Polka Dots.

There are only two translations I found, one of them being from the wiki but it’s a little off. This one is more accurate. My translation version is a mix of it plus usage of DeepL so it may not be entirely accurate but it’s close enough.

I absolutely see this song as Lucy -> Natsu due to obvious phrases within the lyrics and it fits my headcanon of Natsu being metaphorically Lucy’s brightest star. His name means summer which has ties to the sun, aka the brightest star. The sun is known to be the brightest star because it’s the closest to us, just like the person closest to Lucy is Natsu.

You're still you, no matter what Softly illuminating the darkness You're a star

Self explanatory, first line starts off with Lucy’s answer to Natsu’s “What do I look like?” question. This was first shown to us in the beginning of the movie so let’s keep that in mind.

Where is tomorrow? The past cannot be erased In a pitch-dark world I found a warm, enveloping light "It's gonna be okay" the voice said That voice echoed in my heart I want to believe in you, whatever you are Whatever the road I take, I want to be by your side I want to keep walking Wish on a star Let's find it, let's find it The only light

This can be easily depicted by my favorite scene in Snow Fairy opening, where Lucy’s world was rainy and bleak until a literal light shines through when she looks at Fairy Tail, particularly Mirajane and main team:

She ran away from home, stripped herself from Lucy Heartfilia to just Lucy, and began her own journey. Her world was small and lonely due to her strict upbringing but it was thanks to Natsu, who led her to Fairy Tail, that her world brightened and expanded since that day. Hard as she tried, she couldn’t hide her Heartfilia name for long which led us to the Phantom Lord arc. Here was where Natsu firmly assured her twice that she could stay in the guild and that it is her home that she can come back to, because she’s Lucy of Fairy Tail. These feelings were further cemented towards the end of the arc by Makarov. From then, she stopped running away and faced her past/father head-on, before returning home to the guild.

The cherry blossom colored dusk reflects in your eyes I'm not sad, yet the tears spilled Someone once said that the most beautiful things are fleeting No matter what today is, it has meaning I’ll always be by your side I'll hold your hand tight Let's tell each other The feelings hidden in our hearts You're a star You're a star

This part screams post-Tenrou Island and GMG arc+. One of my top favorite chapters is chapter 257 which happened after the 7-year timeskip. Natsu, Lucy and Happy traveled to visit Lucy’s father only to find out he had passed away just one month prior. Natsu offered her words of comfort and space but it’s this chapter where the lost of time was incredibly overwhelming for Lucy. I truly believe it was after this day (her BIRTHDAY no less wtf Mashima, satanic much???) that “time” was seen more precious and that every day has a meaning. Lucy’s first step of moving forward was tagging along with Natsu and Happy on a job, and her monologue just hits.

The concept of each moment being precious solidified during the GMG arc. Future Lucy lost her life to save her past self before wishing she could go on more adventures. Present Lucy proclaimed she had to laugh, cry, and live enough for both her and her future self. In Future Lucy’s version of heaven, it was Natsu who first called out to her and pulled her hand to say “Let’s continue on our adventure” before they ceased to exist.

And in the current timeline, present Lucy felt what Future Lucy felt in her heart. She then thanked Natsu, for saving her and their future.

You ask, "What am I?" I'll answer, "You're you” That assurance is all we need from each other Let’s make a wish upon the shining stars You're still you, no matter what The one who gently shines in the darkness That's right, my own Superstar A Superstar that lights up this road that goes on and on You're a star

At the end of the song, we circled back to the beginning, just like we did in the movie where Natsu asked Lucy for the second time what he looked like and she assured him yet again that Natsu looked like Natsu, obviously. And this was enough.

Natsu was the one who saved her (unintentionally) back in Hargeon thus leading her to Fairy Tail and stuck with her ever since. He became the person who she was closest to and vice versa. It was thanks to him that she got to experience so many things and came out stronger from it. Without meeting him and Happy, she wouldn’t be the person she was today. No matter what happens, as Natsu told her at the end of the main series, it doesn’t matter because they will always be together, to continue on more adventures!

I love when songs line up perfectly with the theme and this takes the cake. Thanks for coming to my TED talk as I continue to listen to this song on repeat and cry. I can’t wait until I can draw all of this out in the future, something similar to my comic here.

Also if there is an analysis of nalu + dragon cry’s ending theme out there, pls throw it my way thanks I will literally die on this hill.

#fairy tail #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #nalu #nalu analysis #i love dragon cry sm y'all don't understand #literally singlehandedly brought me back to this franchise #and now i suffer hell bi-weekly

[dreamofmetoday]

ROSÉ AND LISA DYNAMIC READING

overall:

overall they enjoy this connection and feel fortunate to have found each other. i don’t post the cards i use usually because i mix decks and think cards from different decks have slightly different meanings, but for this reading the 9 of cups came up twice so there really is a feeling of, “i’m so grateful we both got to do this whole thing together and not with someone else”. however, there is some toxicity here. they seem to bring out bad traits in each other and they both know it, neither is really too shy about confronting the other too, so bickering and fighting is also quite frequent. both of them are stubborn and irritable, it’s good in the sense it means they are both themselves around each other and don’t try too hard to “adapt” to the other person but it intensifies clashes. they can have a problem of becoming super close, crossing boundaries and then needing to back away a bit. it’s hard to predict if they’ll always want to be friends because one day they might get sick of it but for the most part they easily make up.

how does rosé view lisa:

rosé thinks lisa is incredibly hardworking, she knew from the beginning that lisa was serious about what she wanted and already had a better understanding of herself than the other people around them. rosé sees lisa as someone who is highly capable, as someone who is able to do a lot of things and do them really well. she also sees lisa as pushy and dominating for this reason. she thinks lisa is brash and egotistical and not the most considerate person, thinking that she can be a bit thoughtless when it comes to others. despite this, she doesn’t think lisa really has bad intentions and likes how “pure” she has always been and appreciates her effort. she thinks they’re different in a lot of ways but balance each other out - she may even ponder or joke about how they must have known each other in another life where they were family or something. she also sees lisa as someone who is just very fortunate. currently however, she feels a bit hurt by lisa. it seems lisa might have vented to someone about rosé in the somewhat recent past and finding out hurt her feelings.

how does lisa see rosé:

lisa definitely sees rosé as someone less optimistic than herself, finding it somewhat odd how easily down rosé can get upset over “nothing” or what lisa sees as problems that aren’t really worth dwelling over. at this point in their connection she understands that it takes rosé longer to get over things than it does for her but it sometimes still annoys her and to this day still confuses her. she actually sees rosé as pretty resilient and goal-oriented just that she’s depressive at the same time. she thinks rosé is charming and likeable but feels sort of sad a lot of her friendships are superficial for this reason (something lisa herself would find hard to do), assuming rosé must secretly be lonely and has unfulfilling relationships (it’s also possible that on top of this rosé has a messy romantic life). she thinks rosé is good at getting what she wants since she knows how to appeal to others. she thinks rosé has a temper sometimes. she sees rosé as someone who is an extrovert that enjoys having fun with others. she trusts rosé and thinks she’s genuine with her kindness but sometimes worries she’s seen the same way she sees other friends (as business investments).

#kpop tarot #blackpink #blackpink lisa #kpop #blackpink rosé #lisa #rosé #dynamic reading #tarot #celebrity tarot #melody tarot

[agentmmayy]

march + april rotation

it’s gonna be...... may finally posting the march + april rotation playlist. combining these two months since most of the music i listened to in march was off the previous rotation list!

flowers in my hair - calista garcia: sweet, slow, and syrupy. i love this song and how it feels like a breath of fresh air. it’s achingly romantic and has got me singing along and twirling my hair and kicking my feet. though, at the same time it’s so intimate i feel like i’m intruding 

back for more - nia hendricks: the usual type of slow groove beat i adore that makes me want to dance around with the love of my life. it’s just as sweet as the previous one but it feels... lonely. mournful. i’d be dancing but with a ghost

bodybag - charlotte lawrence: this song is so *clenches fist* i am obsessed with how the body bag fills in for the other person in the relationship and holds her when they can’t or refuse to! the relationship is already dead! she’s holding on! in that liminal space between resurrection and burial! also the vocals in this are insane. my favorite part is ‘she’s at the bowery bar, showed you her paper heart’ and then ‘help me hurt and then i’ll come back’ YEOW

gasp of air - lisa curtis: THIS SONG MAKES ME WANT TO SING AND SCREAM ALONG AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!!!!!!!! and then the lyrics slapped me across the face. ‘but i’ll stay and such ‘cause i think it’s love enough’ ‘i’m yours enough that i come back’ ‘some water if i’m lucky but i would never ask that much’ ‘what kind of person needs to breathe A HEALTHY ONE I’M SURE BUT THAT’S NOT ME’?????????? 

nothing left to give - BAILEN: ‘i wanna live i’m sick of just trying to survive’ *looks into the camera* anyway. obsessed with this band and how weird this song sounds 

kilimanjaro - dolores forever: this song and the next have me asking how songs can be this good. like. is it crack? is that what they put in these?? the music and the vocals are EVERYTHING it’s unlike anything i’ve heard recently and i’m digging it. then the harmonies?? and the lyrics???? ‘a thousand shards of glass from your silver tongue got me like a shot gun’ the way ‘i was young. you were pure ice and snow’ IS SUNG?????? WTF

labour - paris paloma: this has been my hype song for the past few weeks. the intensity of it still continues to blow my mind. it’s unapologetic and awful. it’s incredible. i felt every lyric in my gut. i don’t want to over explain it since i can’t do the song justice but it’s so brutally honest in describing and dismantling traditional roles placed upon women and girls. the entirety of it is like poking at a wound that never closes, a wound that’s been gaping and bleeding for centuries and it makes me so angry. the visceral reaction i had to the lyric ‘if we had a daughter’ girl i- ouuuuugh. i got sick to my stomach. i was screaming crying throwing up etc etc. anyway this song is a masterpiece. still haven’t recovered from it. also it’s a fucking bop. 

bad blood - trousdale: another banger for the books!! trousdale always delivers these perfect harmonies and this time it’s a fantastic, bitter song but that’s not the only element! there’s indifference and confusion and acceptance! there’s healing! and the repetition of anyway *patcha holding earbuds meme* perfection

all the love - katie gregson-macleod: katie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions!!!!!!!! this one is SO SAD. i ache each time i listen to it. it doesn’t apply to romantic love but all other types of love and what happens when you lose it and how you deal with that loss. the grief is so thick it’s almost suffocating but as always the way she sings is enough for it to not be overwhelming. every lyric hits but the combination of her voice with ‘but i’d rather do that in bed alone’ is my favorite  

BONUS: here are a few stray songs that didn’t quite fit in the narrative but i wanted to share them anyway :)

far and wide - WILDES: doesn’t quite fit the narrative, but it’s a good follow up to all the love. it’s toned down more and easier to get lost in, but still woven with the running strand of grief that makes it sorrowful. once again, back at it with the yearning 

ava - famy: this song had me by the throat the first time i heard it in teen wolf and it still does. chewing glass over the switch between ‘this world is primal’ + ‘this world is rabid’ to ‘this world is pure’ + ‘this world is learning’  and ‘my conscious burning, my beastly flaw’ 

#labour is the song i've resisted sending you this entire month bestie lmao #you're gonna flip #monthly music rotation #monthly music roundup #the amount of time i spent organizing these songs....... #they have to flow into the other they have to tell a STORY #the story of me going THRU it <3 #jk half of these don't apply to me but they're still bangers #labour high key reminds me of radio silence too #so #radio silence :hand shaking emoji: labour :hand shaking emoji: king by florence and the machine #i'm connecting the dots

[batfam-slash]

Jason can tell that Dick is horny, because the first thing he does when they run into each other on patrol is throw himself in Jason’s arms.

“Jay!” Dick hums excitedly, pressing himself up against the younger man. “Haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Hey, beautiful,” Jason chuckles, settling his hands on Dick’s waist. He wouldn’t be a gentleman if he went straight for an ass grab. “What’s shakin?”

“Oh, not much. I actually haven’t been on patrol in a few days, so it’s a nice surprise to see you. Missed you.”

Even though Jason can’t see Dick’s eyes behind his mask, he can just imagine them sparkling with excitement. Sometimes Jason thinks about those eyes when he’s feeling lonely or has a shitty day.

“Missed you too, Dickie.” Jason does go for the ass grab now. And a kiss.

“Wanna come back to my place?” Dick licks his lips. “It’s been a while since we’ve…”

Jason clears his throat, moving his hands away from Dick’s ass. He suddenly feels incredibly guilty.

“You are so tempting.” Jason places an affectionate kiss on the top of Dick’s nose. “And I’m sorry, I should have called you or something. I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and Tim and I have been getting real close. I want to ask him to be exclusive.”

For a moment Jason expects Dick to look disappointed, or maybe to punch him, but there’s a soft smile on his face.

“Oh, Little Wing,” Dick says gently. “I had no idea things were getting serious between you. That’s great. I’m so happy for you. I’m sure Tim will be thrilled.”

Jason shrugs and blushes. “I hope so. He was messing around with Kon for a while but he told me they stopped sleeping together a few weeks ago. I don’t think there’s anyone else. You haven’t had sex with him recently right?”

“Nope. Tim and I haven’t slept together in over six months. He’s crazy about you, Jay. He’ll be so happy.”

That fills Jason with a bit of confidence. He holds Dick close, more affectionate than sexual. As much as he loves Tim, he will miss this.

“Sorry to leave you high and dry,” Jason says softly.

“Don’t even worry about it. I was gonna meet up with Wally after patrol anyway. Would’ve suggested you join us, but-“

Jason swats Dick’s ass and gives him one last kiss. It’s probably the last kiss like this they’ll ever share.

“Text me when you’ve told him,” Dick says warmly. “Good luck.”

“Thanks. Take care of yourself. We’ll talk soon.”

Dick bounds away into the night, and although there’s a part of Jason that feels a little sad at this one ending, he’s also incredibly excited for what he’s about to begin.

And he knows Dick will be there by his side through it all.

#jaydick #jaytim

[neonscandal]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

OMG! I feel like I'm about to reveal way too much of myself here but your question is greatly appreciated. I had to take a minute to really think about this as I forgot every bit of media I’ve ever consumed so I mostly focused on recently consumed media that I could recall in a panic. I'm sure as soon as I post I'll be like "damn, I forgot about X!"

Heaven Albright - Stupid & Contagious by Caprice Crane

This book was so funny to me when I was younger I literally handed out copies of it. Looking back, it’s probably because I immediately identified with her penchant to overthink a situation but she’s also able to finesse even if it is by the seat of her pants. In fact, she only seems to shine when she’s really trying because otherwise she’s doing one embarrassing thing after another. But when it’s time for her to kick it up, she could be in her head about what she’s doing but make it seem effortless and nonchalant. She can be a little shit when she wants to be but she’s filled with great ideas, if she only had the chance to knock one out of the park. At the beginning, she finds herself perpetually down on her luck but she eventually finds her way along and I loved that for her (even if it is bumpy).

Aslan Jade “Ash Lynx” Callenreese – Banana Fish by Akimi Yoshida (anime only)

I am incredibly fond of Ash and, while I want to read the manga for some semblance of closure, I’m still regularly devastated by the anime so I can’t yet. The man is a survivor. He is the grass that grows through cement sidewalk. He tripped over banana fish and never shied away from the task of tracking it down and stopping it at the source, no matter how large the conspiracy got or how much he lost. My heart feels heavy any time I see a Banana Fish edit or any fanart, even the happy ones. He is tough as nails and yet, as soft as an exposed nerve which is really apparent with Eiji’s introduction. I think it showed how, despite what he’d been through and the face he wore to hide its impact on him, he was still incredibly hopeful that he’d one day be loved and accepted by someone sincerely. (side note: yes, I got sad thinking about this.) He was incredibly brave because he had no other choice.

Satoru Gojo – Jujutsu Kaisen by Gege Akutami (manga and anime)

Gojo deserves more grace than some of the JJK fandom gives him, I swear. The man is deeply traumatized from a very young age and puts on a brave (and puckish) face just to keep moving forward. I don’t love him because he’s overpowered but him being overpowered is part of why I love him. He hails from one of the top three jujutsu families and could be a shitstain like Naoya Zenin but he isn’t and I think that’s part of why so many people misinterpret his character. There was a tweet, since deleted, (I think from @bcllamyy) that asserted that the reason why a lot of people assume Gojo is a douchebag is because they can’t imagine being strong and beautiful and not being a garbage human. Gojo is canonically strong and attractive but is a relatively good person. He takes care to save students in hopeless situations and preserve as much of their youth as he can because he didn’t have that growing up. I’ll concede that this isn’t purely altruistic, he has a clear objective in mind in taking these kids under his wing, but that’s about as much as you can expect from someone who didn’t have a proper childhood himself. His power was both feared and coveted by others and it left him incredibly lonely until he found an equal, the one and only person he could have by his side. It’s the take-it-with-a-smile trauma response for me. Heavy is the head and all. Oddly, this is my comfort character rn so things are not going well.

Levi Ackerman – Attack on Titan by Hajime Isayama (manga and anime)

Levi Ackerman refuses to die because he’d have to go back to hell and, quite frankly, most devils don’t know how to properly clean up after themselves. Levi being picked from the gutter and growing to become Humanity’s Strongest Soldier despite his diminutive size and destitute origins is so ironic. Putting his life on the line and fighting for those that condescend to people from where he came from, he carved out every inch in the path to where he is now. This is a man who does not die and carries the weight of his fallen comrades into every battle. While seemingly cold and angry, he is, in very small gestures, shown to be incredibly compassionate and forlorn. I think he just knows that if he thought about the circumstances of those living within the walls or even of those he’s left behind on the battlefield, that he would find no meaning in trying to escape the walls or get out of bed at all.

Hermione Granger – Harry Potter by She Who Must Not Be Named (novels and movie)

Given the author’s penchant to be a shit-eating TERF, it’s hard to admit that this franchise was such a big part of my childhood. I primarily identified with Hermione and her predilection to be an insufferable know-it-all and her tendency to stick her nose where it didn’t belong. Considering the author, perhaps she intentionally made Hermione’s creation of Society for the Promotion of Elfish Warfare (SPEW) seem so outlandish and mockable in universe... but that’s beside the point. Hermione, regardless of her social standing in the muggle world, came into the wizarding world at a disadvantage and showed everyone her ass as she bested them time and time again. Not only that but, rather than make herself small after being called a “mudblood”, she continued to soar and was loud and proud about advocating for others who were also disadvantaged. She could be the brightest witch Hogwarts had seen and still be unlikable, bushy hair and all. Despite not being of the wizarding world initially, she made a point to be in the know and was voraciously studious, frequently navigating things better than Harry who came into the wizarding world at the same time with a similar level of working knowledge but largely remained clueless. Baby girl had to drag him through the plot and to the point most of the time.

Tina Belcher - Bob's Burgers

Because same. BIG same. Tina is the mood, the vibe, the moment. Add the rest of the Belcher family to this as well tbh. Tina, like the rest of the Belcher family, is unapologetically her. Regardless of whether freaky friend fiction is the way to go, she unabashedly puts herself out there again and again despite her groan inducing anxiety. She knows she's that girl even when navigating the ups and downs of whatever life (or that B Tammy) throws at her.

Katsuki Bakugo – My Hero Academia by Kohei Horikoshi (manga and anime)

I’m not caught up on the manga yet (so close but so far) but Kacchan’s character has a special place in my heart. I think as the reader, we’re meant to be stymied by him as we view the story through Deku’s lens because Deku lacks the comprehension of a non-biased narrator. Understanding this, I came to love (or maybe pity) his character while reading the manga because, when I was an anime only, I found his abrasiveness toward Deku to be incredibly unpalatable (because it is). However, reading through the manga as slowly as I am, I recognize that they’re both emotionally constipated kids being weaponized by some invisible hand while trying to understand and reframe their connection to one another. Literal children grappling with the burden of being heroes and finding it’s not all it’s cracked up to be while self-actualizing under duress. Casual. Bakugo is fierce, prideful, aggressively loud, and largely dislikable. He shoulders public criticism from adults who don’t bother to understand his dysfunction but continues to press on in the right direction because he’s idealized this for so long and wonders if he's, in fact, deserving or good enough. I think what’s captivating about his character in the manga is that he’s presented as a very static character but he’s slowly being exposed as a more dynamic character in tandem with Deku's (power) evolution.

Dean Winchester – Supernatural

There’s something about a closet nerd himbo who calls his vintage car “baby” that speaks to me. Dean Winchester, very much brawn over brain, maintains a doe-eyed innocence and sense of wonder for the things he missed out on while growing up under the “tough love” of John Winchester and I love that dichotomy. You never get the sense that his unconventional lifestyle bothers him or that he feels he lost out on anything but then you see the bravado falter when he allows himself to enjoy something other than the thrill of a one-night stand. The biggest things that come to mind are when he was like a kid in a candy shop in the bunker having found a place to set up roots and him sleeping easy when he was able to settle down with Lisa. Both always struck me as so sad. I think back to the parts of himself that he hid from Sam (like his time in the halfway house) and for the delight he had to find in small comforts like pie. Family was all Dean knew and he grabbed at it desperately and to his own detriment time and time again.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood - Trigun by Yasuhiro Nightow (anime only)

I love the contradiction of Wolfwood's character. He can, for all intents and purposes, be considered a sinning holy man though he does have morals. I have a soft spot for antiheroes (see: love for Wolverine and Deadpool) though I'm not sure Wolfwood cleanly fits into this classification. He is certainly someone who will do "bad" things to satisfy a "good" goal though. For lack of a better word, his innuendos suggest he's led a less than savory life before becoming a man of the cloth and he is clearly fine with toeing the line when someone is watching. But make no mistake, the ends justify the means when he needs to make a game time decision on what to do. There's a reason that cross is a burden to carry and he's just the man to bear it. At the crux of everything, he has a sympathetic heart and this was the first anime that made me cry.

Nobara Kugisaki– Jujutsu Kaisen by Gege Akutami (manga and anime)

This explanation contains a spoiler for the manga so I put her at the bottom in case you wanted to avoid.Nobara is a refreshing departure from the static nature of a shonen tritagonist. For one, she has zero romantic interest in Itadori nor Fushiguro and I don’t see that changing, especially after their initial introductions. She lets them as time progresses but she carries her own weight and isn’t a damsel in distress relegated to do nothing toward her own rescue. She can independently take down a Special Grade curse (and pull off a black flash) while feeling and looking good doing it. Nobara’s femininity is something she’s vocal about, questioning why kicking ass can’t be feminine, and she safeguards it from antiquated notions from the likes of Mai and Momo. Though hailing from the country where her stubborn individuality stuck out like a sore thumb, she’s unabashedly a material girl and so fiercely confident, she dares anyone to look down their nose at her. I can’t imagine we’ve seen the end of her story since she’s such a vivacious character. Maki also deserves to be on this list but I tried to diversify source material. Plus, a lot of what makes her awesome would be an even bigger spoiler if you’re not caught up.

Looking back on this list, there's a distinct theme of main character energy but also a significant lack of diversity. I realized that some of my favorite pieces of media didn't necessarily have a breakout character in my mind, either. This was such a great exercise, thank you for asking! Who are your favorite characters and why, @elaine2895?

#neon recs #neon asks #character analysis #heaven albright #stupid & contagious #caprice crane #aslan jade callenreese #ash lynx #banana fish #bfish #satoru gojo #gojo satoru #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk gojo #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot #levi ackerman #harry potter #hermione granger #tina belcher #bobs burgers #kacchan #bakugo katuski #katsuki bakugo #bnha #mha #my hero academia

[highlifeboat]

I don't have all of those emojis on my phone, so... all of them. Whoever you want lmao

Y'know what, I'mma give my boy Salvatore Moreau some love. Cause I don't talk about him a lot but he's one of my top 5 characters.

🏳️‍🌈lgbt+ headcanon

Straight cis man, but definitely asexual. Very supportive of his siblings/nieces in general.

💌fluffy headcanon

Moreau loves all of his family members, and tries really hard to find stuff to give them as gifts. Unfortunately, Daniela is really the only one who will keep anything he gives.

💔angsty headcanon

Miranda hates Moreau specifically because he was such a massive failure of an experiment. He tries so hard to do right and impress her, he literally created the Lycans as a way to get praise, but everytime she looks at him she’s reminded that he’s probably the worst thing to come out of her lab and she cannot physically bring herself to recognize his accomplishments

As hard as he might try, and as much as he might love and adore his “mother”, he’s never going to impress her or earn that praise that Heisenberg or Alcina get. Whether he knows that or not isn’t stopping him from trying, though. 

🧸 hurt/comfort headcanon

He’s painfully lonely. Like, to a point any kind of physical touch would probably put him to tears. But his movies make him feel a little less alone. It’s the main reason he likes RomComs.  He enjoys the feel-goodness of a movie. It makes him feel less alone.

Even if he is just sitting in some dreary room by himself with a wheel of cheese(?). He’s content.

🪀silly headcanon

Boy talks to fish. I don’t think they ever talk back to him (because they can’t) but he makes up conversations with them and other wildlife in the reservoir. (He then sometimes eats them but we won’t talk about that)

💤sleep headcanon

I’m pretty sure it was an anon that mentioned this a while ago, but when Moreau snores he croaks like a frog. Which is adorable, but incredibly annoying for anyone who has to sleep next to/around him.

✨a ship i like with this character

Do… Do people actually ship Moreau with anyone? I don’t think I know any ships with him tbh.

🔪a ship i Don't like with this character

I mean… the pseudo incest ships, if he’s even part of those.

🎃something i think they're afraid of

Dolls. Like, Moreau loves Donna as his baby sister and everything, but can’t stand her dolls. He’s mildly okay with Angie (Even though she yells at him all the time), but that's mostly because he literally has to tolerate her if he wants to speak with Donna.

📦overall feelings about them

I love Moreau a lot and I want to be his friend so badly. Like I would suffer through romcoms for this man. I don't know why. He just seems kinda sad and lonely.

📢favorite thing about them in canon

I love his mutated design. I know he’s a gross fish monster, and his thing is just Alcina’s dragon with extra back eyeballs, but goddamn it’s a great design for him imo. Though I don’t get the random tentacles.

🧨least favorite thing about them in canon

I don’t think there’s anything I really dislike about him, honestly. Except the random vomiting on everything I guess. And his lack of screen time.

💬favorite line they've said

"I'll make you proud, Mother. Watch me!" (Or literally any line that highlights his mommy issues. Which is most of them)

🔔unpopular opinion

The Moreau fight felt very unnecessary and Ethan’s an asshole for causing it. If it was a case of “He cut you off after you tried sneaking away with the flask” I might feel a little different, but Ethan literally grabbed the flask and WAITED to taunt Moreau. Just take the flask and go, my dude, what the fuck are you doing taunting this poor guy? Like I get they took his daughter and Capcom needed all the Lord’s dead for reasons but like… come on. (Donna’s death is also in this boat.)

🔊a song that reminds me of them

Fish In a Birdcage (by Fish in a Birdcage) feels like a very Moreau song.

📝misc thoughts/headcanons (you can specify something not on this list or i can say whatever comes to mind first!)

Moreau deserves more love, honestly. I understand he isn’t an attractive dude or has as much character development as Heisenberg, but he seems like he’d be a nice guy to hang out with. And Ethan just kinda bullies him which doesn’t feel fair.

#he deserves some love tbh #asks #coleblackblood #salvatore moreau

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

I was thinking about both versions of the Celestial Harmonies aus and how Crowley and Aziraphale are both so incredibly lonely until they meet their humans.

For Aziraphale, he was on guard duty since his first day on Earth, watching over Eden and then afterwards? He just... stayed. He had no reason to go back to Heaven, he was lonely there, no one really liked him. They were nice to him, but not his friends. So, he stays and became friends with humans, but they leave, they die, he loses track of them and never finds them again. 

He travels the world over the years, protecting where he can, before finally settling up in England during the middle ages, but even then, he’s alone. Angels don’t stay on Earth for long, and demons aren’t friends. Humans come and go because they are humans.

The job to protect the park gives Aziraphale something different, it’s filled with beings sort of like him, and it feels a bit like the original Eden, he feels like he isn’t quite as lonely there.

Then he meets Crowley, and something about Crowley really speaks to him. He’s never lonely around Crowley, he’s never lost and sad when his human is near him, and his humans loves him, knows him, and wants him. 

For Crowley, they came to Earth all those years ago to ‘go up there and make some trouble’, but they were abandoned by Hell. They served their job and Hell didn’t really know what to do with some lowly snake demon.

So, Crowley stayed. They stayed and followed the humans, watching them, wanting to get close, but they feared being abandoned again. Yes, they made friends, got close, but humans... 

They could be worse than demons, worse than angels, really.

Crowley knew better to keep at a distance, and traveled to avoid staying in places too long. They gave up when they loneliness came crashing down on them and they stayed in London for years, until they found out about something the angels attempted in America, but didn’t seem all that pleased with.

It was a chance to get on Hell’s bad (good) side, not just through bullshitting. They came to taint the land, making it corrupt, it could never be a new Eden.

But Crowley liked it there, liked the new Eden, it was... a comfort.

And people came and went every year, Crowley didn’t have to make friends, they could just watch and sometimes interact with them if they wanted. 

Then one day, an new accountant arrived and Crowley realized they didn’t have to be alone anymore. They could allow themself to wear their heart on their sleeve, because their angel on Earth loved when they were open, when they were themself, loved them from the top of their head down to the tip of their tail, snake eyes and scales, claws and forked tongue, Aziraphale loves them and wants them.

I just... I’m soft for being, scary monsters who are loved unconditionally by tiny humans who would do anything for them and vice versa...

#celestial harmonies national park au #john's commentary

[eater-of-thoughts]

Tw: sh urges, abort!on, ss ideation, se>< and overall a shitty life

I just wanna start off by saying I’m not writing this to make anyone feel sorry for me. I don’t have any friends to talk to and I’m feeling incredibly lonely and sad. I need to take it somehow out of my system before I lose my mind.

Here goes nothing.

So on the 25 of dec 2022 I found out I have gastritis which was bad in and of itself, but than on 30th I found out I was pregnant and had to have an abortion since I’m 22 and barely managed to make ends meet. I’m in a 4 y committed relationship but we both agreed we couldn’t keep it. That was in my home country. I flown back to UK later that day. During the abortion they found a 5.5 cm big cyst on my left ovary and the doctor recommended that once I recover from the abortion I’ll have to come back and have that removed as well.

My partner is very supportive, but it became painfully clear that he does not fully comprehend my state of mind, even tho I did not want the baby at all, my hormones are all over the place and I feel like I’m losing my god damn mind. I can tell the lack of sex isn’t helping either.

I’m not even gonna start ranting about how terrible I was treated by the doctors and nurses or in how much pain I was during the whole procedures or that the doctor refused to give me a break when I was yelling in agony and begging him to stop.

Now I’m staring down at the surgery for the cyst and I found out there’s three small chances that, they’ll have to remove either one or both of my ovaries as they suspect it might be cancer. I’m beyond heartbroken and mortified of what’s to come. I’m not even mentioning the minimum 3 months of abstinence that will follow that procedure. At this point I’m too mentally exhausted to care about that. I care about my partner and how that’s gonna affect our relationship since we’re living together and have had regular sex over the last 4 years. I worry he won’t be able to put up with that since we already have to go through a month of absence due to the abortion and would ask to let him see other people to take it out of his system tho it’s not been mentioned yet.

I worry a lot… about the idea of cancer and being unable to ever have the big family I wanted. I worry our relationship it’s gonna go down the drain and that I’ll lose him. I love him from the bottom of my heart. I feel hopeless and my mental breakdowns make me wanna sh so badly. I considered walking off London Bridge on my way home from work today after I was sent home early due to a mental breakdown. If I lose him on top of everything I’ll have nothing.

I’ve got no close enough friends to talk to about this. The only person, apart from my partner, that I would’ve considered confiding in it’s going through a very very rough breakup herself and it’s struggling. I wouldn’t wanna burden her with this. The only person I can trust was my partner and after last night’s breakdown (3rd Jan) he said he can’t deal with them anymore as they are getting out of hand. Too much to handle I guess. The only people that know about this are the manager that saw the state I was in and offered a shoulder to cry on and my partner and parents. I just lost it in front of him (manager) and poured my heart out. I regret it so much. We had a very good relationship but I feel like the conversation we had changed his opinion over me tho he appeared supporting and understanding. I am not sure.

I’m now home alone, my partner won’t get home until the evening (as I write this it’s late morning). I told him what’s had happened at work, and that I was sent home. He’s a teacher. He can’t leave his work for this but I feel like I’ll end up sh at best. Doesn’t help that I also live in a skyscraper at a relatively high floor. The balcony it’s looking more and more appealing. I’ve never truly considered ss before. It’s always stayed at a “ideation” level. Where I wished I was unalived, and how much better it’d feel. Now it’s starting to look like a real option and it’s terrifying. I can’t stop thinking of how much it’d hurt him but in how much pain I am.

I don’t know how to end this… rant, I guess. I feel like nothing is worth the effort and energy. I feel like I’m gonna d!e anyway from some fucked up complication. In some way it feels comforting to know that if that’d be the case nobody can blame me for being too weak to deal with this shit. But I fear they’ll butcher me and my life will be completely ruined. I might update this as the situation develops and I feel like I can’t handle it. As I said, I don’t have people to confide in so writing my thoughts here feels somehow therapeutic as no distraction seems to manage to make my mind shut the fuck up.

I’m sorry.

[my-messy-melody]

Here were the top ten songs I enjoyed that I discovered this year! In no order

• Dorothy- Her’s. This song makes me want to dance and swim in a creek, but it also makes me want to sit in my car at night and cry. Knowing someone so intimately that you want to run away with them, but feeling so lonely in that relationship at the same time.

• c. et al.- Snail Mail. I listened to this song.. God, maybe every other day during winter. There was something so miserable and quiet about that time. The repetition of life. Of snow. Of waking up and hating who I was, knowing there were months until the sun would come back. Waking up without why or how. Most days, just wanting to lie down.

• Harvey- Alex G. Honestly, I love so much Alex G music that I couldnt possibly list all of them. I especially liked the House of Sugar album and Rocket. They inspired me so much with my book. Harvey makes me want to dance, and I love the line “run my hands through his short black hair, I love you Harvey I don’t care” Whenever I’d hear a new Alex G song, I’d get depressed for like a week before I recovered. There are so many layers to his songs and every time I hear them, I find something new that either breaks my heart or makes me cry with joy.

• the entire Folklore album by T Swift. I especially liked the songs Exile and Cardigan. The album also inspired me a lot when writing. Her lyricism really steps up with this album. So sad, but so beautiful. This album gives me winter vibes, but for me, since I listened to it in summer, it felt like looking out the window and realizing the blue May flowers have started to die, but the creek water is still icy. Morning drives through the canyon.

• Futile Devices- Sufjan Stevens (and a lot of others by him). Sufjan Stevens was something I listened to mostly at the beginning of the summer, and it was perfect for that time in my life. I remember listening to his music while crocheting on the mountainside, and the entire field was covered in sunflowers. It was whimsical but melancholic.

• Let Down- Radiohead. It feels so longing and futile, like a bug with its wings torn off and desperate to fly again. I found this song when I was on a walk near the middle of the summer, at the peak of the heat and storms. I’ve loved it ever since, and it’s my favorite Radiohead song.

• Jolene- Dolly Parton. This song was a banger. Like a bunch of the other songs, I listened to it in the summer. It kind of made me feel like I was back in Alabama again, and it felt good to listen to some classic country. It made me feel like a main character. The song sounds almost like an incantation, or a main character training song, as weird as the comparison is. Dolly Parton is a queen.

• Picture Me Better- Weyes Blood. I found this song during the summer, but I really started listening to it once sophomore fall semester started. It reminds me of bright, hot September days and walking to class. I love the lyrics “waiting for the call from beyond, waiting for something with meaning to come through”. That’s kind of what I was doing at that point. Waiting for something more. More experiences, more friends, more love, more adventure

• Bust- Lomelda. I’ve like lomelda since my senior year of highschool, but I only recently discovered how many good songs she has. This song is incredible. It has such a disorienting rhythm. “I thought of so many things to say to you— but what were they? What were they to you?” Ugh. So good. This song makes me feel like I’m running through a field of flowers— but running after someone who’s leaving me slowly. Like they’re moving at a walking pace, but no matter how fast I run and how much ground I cover, I can never catch them.

• Dreamcore- Pathetic. This song both samples and reminds me of Neon Genesis, which I love, so I obviously love that song too. It makes me feel like I’m in some depressing sci-fi world, where it’s raining and blue and grey and black. And like I’m screaming. It makes me vibe while I’m walking to and from campus in the winter.

#personal #crabcake #spotify

[stubborngoalie]

.

#having a really rough time right now #i feel like i’m throwing away all of my friendships and don’t know how to stop it #my therapist says these are things i can control but i don’t want to #i do though i’m just scared! #i’m scared of setting boundaries i’m scared of being vulnerable #telling people what i need from a friendship feels so incredibly selfish #but she keeps insisting i do #bc i will continue to be let down for expecting things that people don’t even know i need or want #i mean she’s right but how can i ask for these things when my brain tells me they hate me anyway #i genuinely don’t mean to be like oh poor me or make any of my friends feel bad #i am just so sad and disappointed with the way my life is going and how poorly i’ve been able to manage my anxiety #and other issues #i just took two clonazepam for the pending panic attack and it’s not working #i don’t want to feel anything #i don’t want to have to feel sad #and lonely #and top of all this i will never see anyone reaching out to me as anything more than then taking pity on me #i’m over it #my brain won’t let me win

[per1shed]

i’m so scared my life is always gonna be like this i’m so sad i say it all the time but i’m really so terrified of never recovering from this

#i’m scared of being used to this #i’m already getting used to being dizzy every second of the day every day of the week #there’s so much i’ve gotten used to in the past months and i’m scared one day i’ll just stop trying to get better because this has become #my normal now #on top of that i feel so incredibly lonely i’m so sad i don’t want to live like this but i have to #l

[lollypopsx]

blurb of gang!harry while you’re on your period?

Drabble Request

Drabbles Masterlist

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of guns

——————

Harry wasn't used to this. He had always been a lone wolf. He only ever had one night stands to fulfil his needs.

So he wasn't used to being loved on 24/7, he wasn't used to the loving feeling, he wasn't used to feeling so incredibly protective over someone that wasn't his family or his best friends (not that he would ever admit that to them of course!).

He loved every second of it, of being with you, of loving you, holding you and spoiling you rotten. The only feelings of sadness he ever felt was to see you unhappy, which was an extremely rare occurrence, then his sadness would turn to a hot headed Harry getting ready to shoot at whoever made you feel upset.

 So when he came home to find you curled on the sofa with a glum look on your face as you watched the TV, his gun was out of his waistband and twirling between his fingers before you could even realise he was in the room.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Why do you look so sad?” He kneels in front of you on the sofa. “Did someone upset you at work?” He gently rakes his fingers through your hair.

“I’m okay, I’m not sad” You whisper softly, closing your eyes to avoid Harry’s gaze.

“Oi.” He grips your chin between his two fingers, tugging your head up gently. “Tell me who’s upset you and I’ll make sure they’re sorry they even woke up this morning” He growls softly, but in a strangely loving way.

“I just...I wanted some toast so I...made some and then it...it got burnt” You whimper, feeling the fresh tears slip down your face, as Harry froze. His expression was so blank, yet so full of confusion.

“...I’m sorry what?!” He asks in disbelief.

“I burnt my toast!” You hide your face in your hands, sobbing into your palms. 

“Oh...you...right” He coughs slightly, placing his gun on the coffee table and wrapping his arms around you tightly. Harry was smart. He was always three steps ahead of everyone, but for the first time in his life, he truly didn’t know what to do in this situation.

“Darling...why are you crying over burnt toast?” Harry asks, rubbing your back slowly. A million thought’s were running through his mind as he held you close.

“I don’t know” You sob heavily 

“Are you on your period?” He sighs softly, rubbing your back gently. 

You look up at him with wide eyes. “H-how did you know?” You mumble softly.

“Well...you never cry...it was just a guess. Tell me what I can do to help?” 

“Can you make me some lunch please? I don’t want to move” You frown softly.

“Of course baby...” He whispers, pressing a kiss to your forehead and getting up.

“Where the hell are you going?!” You sob, raising your voice to him.

Harry’s reaction’s were still on auto pilot, He was so used to pulling a gun out on anyone who raised his voice for him, his eyes darkened slightly for a split second before they softened again. He couldn’t complain about you being a bit of a brat when you were on your period,

“M’baby...I can’t make you food and lay with you at the same time...” He whispers. “C’mon...let’s get you upstairs into bed to be comfortable ok?” He whispers, lifting you effortlessly in bridal style and carry you upstairs. His heartbeat at a steady pace, drumming against your ear.

He took you into your bedroom, laying you on top of his chest as he lays back into the sheets, one hand massaging your lower back. “Relax baby...I know it hurts darling...” He whispers.

“No you don’t. No uterus. No opinion.” You mutter, your eyes fluttering closed. The peaceful silence was interrupted by Harry’s phone.

“What?!” He growled into the phone 

“H, East Side have been threatening on our turf” Niall explained.

“So go and fucking sort them out.” He barks down the phone.

“But I thought you wanted to be the one to-”

“You boys are big enough and ugly enough to fucking sort it!” He growls angrily, not liking the interruption. He would happily hold you in bed for the rest of his life.

“Fine. But if this all goes horribly wrong...”Niall warns.

“You know what on second thoughts...Send Liam, Zayn and Louis out...you can come back to the house. Y/N wants a sandwich.” He orders.

“I’m sorry?” Niall huffs in disbelief, irritation filling his veins.

“I said come back and make Y/N a fucking sandwich. Are you deaf?!  And it better be the best sandwich you’ve ever fucking made.” He shouts before hanging up.

He chucks his phone and wraps his arms back around you tightly. “You just relax...we don’t need to move” He whispers, stroking your hair lightly, pressing kisses every few seconds to the spot just above your ear. 

“Did you really just order Niall to come and make me a sandwich?” You mutter softly against his chest, laying on your stomach was doing wonders for your cramps. Harry just hummed quietly as he held you.

“Thank god...he makes much better sandwiches than you” You sigh, closing your eyes.

“Fucking brat” He murmurs.

——————

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