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#on todays episode of: I MISS OLD COLDPLAY
saintborland · 3 years
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All you ever wanted was love
But you never looked hard enough
It's never gonna give itself up
All you ever wanted to be
Living in perfect symmetry
Nothing is as down or as up
As us
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purplesurveys · 4 years
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932
What's your favourite sport? Do you prefer to watch it or play it?: I love pro wrestling, if you count that as a sport. I definitely prefer to just stay in front of a TV – I have never been in a ring, nor am I physically fit to even give it a shot without getting harshly injured. Conversely, I love table tennis but I’d rather play it than watch a game.
Who was the last person to send you a friend request on Facebook?: It was a stranger who, upon checking, seems to be some sort of spam account promoting a pyramid scheme. Happy to nope the fuck out of there.
Have you ever been to that person's house?: Definitely not. I don’t add people I didn’t know on any level, anyway.
How recently did you wash your hands?: This morning when I cleaned up after Cooper.
How many girls do you know named Emma?: Not a common name here, so I don’t know any Emmas.
[trigger warning under this I guess. Lots of angst going on at the moment.]
Are you upset, for any reason at all?: Yeah. I’ve been feeling very upset and under stress lately...to give you an idea, I find it a personal achievement to have gotten up and taken this survey. I’m at least self-aware that this is a temporary slump, but while it’s here hanging around, it really sucks to be in it.
How did you feel when you woke up today?: Shitty. The only reason I got up at all was to feed my dogs but otherwise I’ve been glued to either the couch or my bed.
When you're stressed, what helps you to relax or calm down?: Lately, it’s episodes of Good Mythical Morning. Rhett, Link, and their crew will never have any idea just how much they’ve helped this 22 year old, now-wondering-what-her-purpose-is-in-life fresh college graduate keep sane, but I’m glad they have hours upon hours of content and podcasts lying around to keep me company while no one else can.
What were you doing before you started this survey?: I finished another survey that I abandoned yesterday, and was watching GMM to fill up the silence in my room.
Is there something else you should be doing, that's more important?: I’ve been job-hunting 24/7 but lately I’ve been giving myself a break on weekends since no one will be processing applications or booking interviews on a Saturday anyway.
When was the last time you neglected to do something that you'd planned?: Around noon today.
Is there someone that can always make you smile no matter how bad you feel?: Apparently not. I’ve been a wreck all month so far and nothing has worked. Before September, I certainly thought animals or certain humans worked as cures for me.
Do you have any friends that you feel don't fully appreciate you?: I don’t feel that way about them. I think my friends care for me a whole lot, which I appreciate. I’ve had friends come to my DMs quite a few times in the last few days with messages of support since I’ve been a little vocal about how sad I’ve been feeling these days, so I for sure don’t feel invisible. Making me feel present is the best gift anyone could give me.
When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful?: Last week when Gab came over.
Who was the last person that apologised to you?: Myself.
What were they apologising for?: Haven’t been looking out for myself recently.
Do you think they meant it?: I guess not, because I still haven’t stopped being destructive towards myself.
Would you be embarrassed if your parents looked at your Facebook?: I have them as my friends so they see everything. But I’m 22, so while they can complain about some of my posts (and it’s usually the political ones lol), they can’t tell me to take anything down anymore the same way they were able to do so when I was younger.
Describe the personality of the person you have feelings for.: She’s very warm, understanding, generous, and immeasurably protective of the people she loves.
What does your pencil case look like? What's in it?: I have a plush dog pencilcase that I use for my pens and pencils (given by my sister) and a pink pencilcase with a floral design that holds my highlighters (given by Jane).
In your Facebook friends list, who is the first person listed under 'D'?: Some girl named Abby whose surname begins with D. She was someone from my high school and we mutually know each other, but we’re not friends and we’ve never even talked.
How did you meet him/her?: I’ve never talked to her but I’ve known of her since grade school I guess? since she’s my sister’s batchmate.
Did the last person you kissed have facial hair?: No.
You're locked in a room with your ex. Any problems?: It would just be my girlfriend too so there wouldn’t be any problems, except that I’d probably break down crying upon seeing her again because I’ve barely pulled myself together over the last week and have had to go through it alone.
Be honest. What are you most afraid of?: These days I’m definitely doubting my capabilities and achievements and all the shit I’ve put on my resumé and portfolio, and now I’m scared if any company will even give me a chance. I’m honestly holding a little bit of resentment for every employed person right now because I have seen absolutely no one talk about how brutal this whole process/waiting game is, lol. This is so SHITTY, is it just difficult for me or what???? I’m so baffled.
In the last 24 hours, have you seen or spoken to anyone you dislike?: I’ve dealt with myself, but that’s it.
What colour are the eyes of the last person that told you they loved you?: Dark brown. 
What is a word or phrase that you say often?: I like saying “I guess” because it makes me sound unsure about most things and thus makes me not 100% accountable if things go wrong hah. I do have another answer that’s more in line with the angst and depression I’ve been going through recently, and it’s that I’ve repeating BoJack Horseman’s ‘piece of shit’ monologue to himself, but this time saying it to myself.
Name 3 songs that remind you of someone special.: Sparks by Coldplay; anything by Mitski; and anything by St. Vincent.
How much chocolate do you have in your house atm, if any?: We have...a lot. We still have the chocolate cake from Nina’s birthday and we recently received an entire pack of various fun-size chocolate bars like Twix, Three Musketeers, etc. from my aunt. We also have chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream that I normally would finish up in a day, but I’ve been saving it for every future job rejection I receive. 
Who is the most intelligent person you know?: Chesca.
Do you have younger siblings? If you do, are you protective of them?: Yes. I’m protective of my sister but I don’t show it lol. We are not showy in this family.
Who was the last person you insulted?: Idk probably a politician on social media.
What are the other members of your household doing at this moment?: I have not gone out of my room all day...I did not miss this sensation. It’s been a while since I’ve locked myself up for this long.
Do you have any neighbours that you don't get along with?: There’s a house behind ours that loudly plays 80s and 90s power ballads and love songs and it gets insanely irritating and makes the neighborhood feel cheap, but I keep my feelings to myself and I’ve never actually confronted them about it and asked them to stop or decrease their speaker’s volume.
How recently did you speak to the last person you kissed?: Like 30 minutes ago. I’m not very talkative these days and it was actually just the second time today that I initiated a bried conversation. I feel bad for her, and I can’t wait to get better so I can start treating her right again.
Who was the last person you told to get lost, or something similar?: I don’t usually tell this to people.
Give me a random line from the last song you listened to.: “We know better so we’d both better go.”
Have you ever had an argument with the last person you Facebook messaged?: Lots. She’s my girlfriend lol.
Do you have any plans for tonight?: I don’t know. If I feel any better, I’d practice and review for my upcoming interview this Tuesday, but if I’m not okay by then...I don’t know. I’ve stopped planning my days out recently and just go where my legs take me.
Where were you at 9 o'clock last night?: I was at the dining table trying to take a survey, but I quickly lost interest in it.
In the past week, have you slept past midday?: Kind of. Like I mentioned, Gabie’s on the night shift so I’ve been keeping her company, which means I occasionally take naps in the afternoon.
Is there anything happening tomorrow, that you're looking forward to?: No. I’m so scared of tomorrows now.
Is there anyone you used to be friends with, that you now dislike?: I dislike Athenna only because of her attitude and the way she treated Angela during the last few days of their friendship. I don’t have any personal beef with her, at least I don’t think I have. She likes stirring up shit though and I won’t be surprised if she was able to make up a story about me to get our other friends to dislike me.
What is your least favourite chocolate bar?: Eh, I’m pretty picky about chocolate bars so I have more brands that I dislike than the ones I do enjoy. I only like Reese’s, Butterfinger, Twix, and Whittaker’s. 
Do any of your friends or relatives have the same birthday as you?: Just this girl I went to grade school with named Mitch. Otherwise, April 21 babies are a rare breed apparently.
Name the last song that made you cry.: O by Coldplay.
Who do you miss at this moment?: The me from like two weeks ago lol. How far I’ve fallen.
Where is that person?: Stuck in August, I guess.
Have you ever dyed your hair an unnatural colour?: No.
Have you had any deep conversations today?: No.
Is your television on atm?: It’s not, but I have my phone playing GMM videos on YouTube to keep me company.
If it is, what are you watching?: It’s one of their product test videos.
Are you wearing anything blue?: My shirt is blue, actually.
Who were the last 5 people to make you smile?: Rhett and Link, and that’s pretty much it.
Do you use Twitter?: Sure.
Tell me about the last YouTube video you watched. They’re pitting brand name cleaning products and natural cleaning products against each other and seeing which one is more effective. I love these videos of theirs, hahaha.
Is there anything else you'd like to say?: No, I feel like I’ve grilled myself enough in this survey.
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justafastfoodknight · 7 years
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today has been so exhausting mentally and physically so let’s get to it:
get to work and Livni opened so it’s her shift. Some cool co-workers and whatnot and i try and not stress about my manager being there, but it’s inevitable. I haven’t updated in forever so many things have been missed such as: i fucking hate my boss and she reminds me why i left running for the hills from starbucks. to sum it up, I’m learning to be ver cautious with my words and what I ask her because she’s ANAL about every single little microscopic thing. So I politely ask if I was allowed to know who opened on Monday so I could let them know that I MIGHT be a couple minutes late because I had to drop my sister off somewhere. I kid you not, it was THEE most dramatic reaction i’ve ever gotten. She said, “well why are you going to be late, why didn’t you notify me two weeks prior, you know I made the schedule already, this is going to interfere with our business. I out the schedules out ahead of time so things like this don’t happen, you can’t be late.” to which I said “ok don’t worry about it, i’ll cancel it and say I can’t do it (not in a mean or frustrated way either, just as a ok it’s totally fine kind of way) and she kept asking when my mom told me i’d have to pick up my sister and that I would have to give my whole family and people I know a heads up that if i wanted to make plans i’d need weeks notice so she could figure it out. While i’m standing there kind of soaking all this dramatic bullshit up she’s like well maybe ask Megan to come in half an hour early so she can cover you because everyone has to be on time and everyone’s position is vital and vital to the team. I can’t have anyone be gone and then I be blamed for your absence. and A-FUCKING-GAIN i said, it’s ok abby don’t worry about it, it’s not that big of a deal. THE BITCH WOULD NOT FUKCING LET IT GO!!! WE DO NOT FUCKING WORK FOR THE FBI OR THE PENTAGON OR THE FUCKING NSA WE WORK AT A COFFEE SHOP WHERE WE HAVE A SURPLUS OF PEOPLE ON THE FLOOR ON A DAY THAT NEVER GETS BUSY!!! AND I CAN’T BE LATE, AND NOT EVEN THAT, WARN YOU THAT I’LL BE SO INSTEAD OF BEING A FUCKING ASSHOLE LIKE SOME OTHER PEOPLE SHE’S HIRED?! Then on top of that she realized that i was slightly bothered by her insistent behavior that she had the balls so say, don’t get mad at me, i’m running this business and i wan’t to be successful, i’m trying to help you out. I understand that it’s not ideal for someone to be late, but i’m giving you a heads up and you have more than enough people plus YOU there and it’s fucking 7am, people are barely getting up dumbass. After that conversation ended I had thee worst, and i meant WORST feeling. I was so mad and angry and frustrated i completely went sour. She honestly fucked up 90% of my day. I was just thinking of places to start applying to and where i could move to because I did/do not support her as a manager. and it’s not only this, she was gone for a month or so when i was barely hired and everything was peachy-keen, ther second she came back everyone was fucking miserable. last sunday was my first shift again without her and I HAD SO MUCH FUN I DIDN’T WANT TO LEAVE. no one was stressed, we got our tasks done, we cleaned, we made drinks, put away the order, and no fucking do this do that, can you guys please greet, can u upsell, can you make sure you stay planted on register for your 8 hour shift HTANK YEWWWW. It’s only been a couple of months and I am disgusted by her I can’t even believe it..
moving on, so yeah I went home and a mix of menstrual cramps and hormones I was on the verge of tears all fukcing day. like everything has been going ok but i am starting to hate my new job and her and I feel helpless tbh. so I’m getting to my second job and I see Tara and this girl is the sweetest person ever, like today I legit realized I love her like a best-friend rn. she’s always listening to my shit and giving me advice and she’s never one to wait for herself to talk, she’s always asking about certain details about myself and she’s so pure. so I saw her and she hugged me since i hadn’t seen her in 4 days and I had tears in my eyes cause I was still pissed off and emotional.... but i sucked it in and just went on. everyone could tell i was quiet, even her and she continuously asked me what happened at work or how it was and i just couldn’t bring myself to tell her, like i felt like i was a bother and i didn’t want to be pitied, just heard but i didn’t tell her even though I know i would have felt much better. I hate that I didn’t but i knew I would have started cryig because i ran to the bathroom and did just that. I know i sound like a fucking baby crying over that small thing with my manager but it’s like I fucking give my damn all at any job i have, i tell you i’m fast, i can clean, you don’t have to tell me what to do because i’m always on top of my shit but you still hound me while everyone else gets passes. but yeah so it sounds minor but that mixed with me hanging out with TA yesterday and realizing yet again that i love this fucking not single dude fucking hurts. he’s so nice and funny and i’m now crying at the thought that last night we watched Dunkirk and i told him i wasn’t too knowledgeable;e on history and he didn’t judged. i basically asked him to explain shit to me and most of the car ride he talked about ww1 and ww2 and all these other things and he asked me what i though about the movie and it’s like wtf i fit nowhere in his narrative. we were sitting down waiting for food i ordered sitting face to face and i was talking about how Atonement has this beautiful shot of Dunkirk that ties with the one now and i was getting so into it and he kept looking me in the eye and was nice to be listened to when I rant about movies. 
so yeah last night we went to go watch Dunkirk because 1. we last watched interstellar together and we both love Nolan and 2. because i missed talking to someone about stupid shit that i’m into. he drove and we walked around amoeba and i got him to actually buy Garden State which is on of my favs and i was surprised tbh. i told him i was sure he wouldn’t like the pretentiousness of it, but oh well. then today i realized the soundtrack is all fucking coldplay so FML WHEN HE WATCHES IT. it’s old CP so it’s good, but some people hate them in general SO.
yeah sat and watched the movie, got free caps, and just talked the whole car ride. about Twin Peaks and how i’m growing frustrated because nothing at all had been cleared up, about our love for B99!!! which no one else seems to get!! and also my favorite of when I was the one who showed him what David Lynch’s voice really sounds like because it came as a fjcking shockeer to me and then him. because it was COUNTRY AF. then i talked about conspiracy theories and our communal agreement that we desire death and hope that nothing comes after because shit is real out here. it’s that millennial depression tbh. 
so yea when i was at urba. i was very quiet, just did my shit, didn’t even wanna talk to Tara or Josy so i just kept SHUT. then my mom sent me the cutest meme of Boo from Monster’s ink where she’s crying and the caption is “oYE hija en que gastaste todo el dinero que de di?” and Boo is holding a shitload of makeup... i laughed so hard it got me out of that sad episode i had i swear!! i replied with “jajajajaj” and then she said “princesita” and it touched my heart. it’s sad to say but i miss being close to my parents, we live under the same roof and we see each other often but it feels so hard for me to open up to them, i feel like i can’t tell them anything without being judged which is a whole other conversation so i’ll stop here. 
the end of my shift was probably my favorite moment i’ve had in a while. these two girls came in from the movie theater across the street from us and i’ve taken their order before and they were super nice and i gave them free cookies. i think i want to vicariously live through them because they’re doing what i want to do. they’re best friends working at a movie theater together and when i asked them questions they both answered and vibed off of each other answers and it made me so sad thinking i was now 23, alone and working two jobs when they were just working for spare money. idk how to explain it but i find myself watching friends come in and be so friendly to each other and i think i just miss having a best friend be with me like in school. so yeah there was more we talked about but i’m tired and already sad again so i’m gonna end this here.
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