#on the other hand sometimes I REALLY HAVEN'T seen anyone else bring up a particular issue I have | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

weebsinstash · 1 year

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I’ve actually always wondered about the jealous worker thing like image we as readers still try to make the best of everything and try to hang out and make new friends but the rest of the workers just either don’t wanna hang out since their already mad or just don’t like reader because of the same reason and readers over here depressed about havin no friends and Val’s ass is like “it’s ok baby cakes, I’ll be your friend :>” 😏😮‍💨

The idea of like, Valentino having a spare old set that isn't being used at the porn studio that he rents to you as a room, is already enough of a stretch right, but sometimes I sit and think like, how extremely unsafe that is for so many reasons. You have to go elsewhere to eat or bathe, locking up your room with a spare key (and of course Valentino also has a key and will let himself in whenever he pleases), and sometimes I think about like, how maliciously bullied you could be

You step out of your room as Val texts you to run him and get him some food, and you're literally walking in the door with it when someone deliberately trips you and makes you drop it all. Oh, you just got some new clothes after wearing hand me downs for ages to save money? Whoops, a coworker of yours 'accidentally' crashes into you and spills drinks all over you. A particular possessive dancer doesn't like how Valentino complimented your makeup? You return from running errands to your room broken into, trashed, LOOTED

Like imagine if Valentino had some sort of gift placed into your room, unwrapped, and when he sees that you haven't seen it, he accompanies you to go see what you've got, and you both walk in on your room either straight up trashed and his gifts ruined, or the thieves still in there and playing around with whatever he's gotten you (probably some sort of makeup or jewelry) and of course he intervenes then, because they're wasting his money

I can also imagine like, he isn't being 100% fake about it, but Valentino absolutely uses the fact he has tons of power (both as am Overlord and as your boss) to seem like the gracious savior to your sorry state. Oh, you tearfully tell him you're going to be late on rent? Oh, no problem doll, you've been so good at being on time that he can let it slide just this once. Oh, you were robbed on your way to bring him rent? Take a lil trip outside to ride around in the limo with him and point the punk out. A customer at the strip club groped you? Everyone else is told to put up with it, but anyone who does it to you is given a warning first and a bullet second

Like he absolutely knows how to manipulate and mindfuck people. Poor Reader is so scared and alone and needing support and he's in the position to make your life significantly easier. Can you imagine if you've worked for him a few months and you kind of comment that you don't have much money for anything besides rent, and he tells you, you know what, why doesn't he bump that number down, since you've proven yourself to be so nice and trustworthy and you've also been such a good little groupie for him? Like just like that? And sure, the reality is he was privately overcharging you what the room was worth anyways, but it doesn't change the absolute relief you feel. He starts being nice to you and you fall into the trap of "well, yeah sure he's a pimp, but, I never see any of that, and he's nice to me, and I have to take what I can get"

I'm still an absolute fiend for the idea of "customer really scares the shit out of you and maybe even tries to hurt you and Val uses the moment to his advantage". Like since you just wait on a small area of people, mostly exclusively Valentino, maybe you have a lot of free time or do other tasks, so imagine someone tells you to take the trash out, ignoring your protests that going out by yourself isn't really safe, and sure enough, a customer who's been coming on to you is waiting outside and you just barely get away from him after he tries to grab you. Another shift, and he's in the club, waiting for you by the bathrooms. This guy is stalking you, telling you to stop playing hard to get, maybe he even grabs you so hard he leaves a bruise. And you don't tell Val because you've heard certain other stories about, "well if you aren't one of his favorites, he doesn't care as long as you can keep making money" so there you are, pouring Valentino another refill and he turns his head when he sees your hands are just SHAKING, and he reaches out to tilt your chin up and ask, "what happened?" and you start to smile and act like it's fine but you just burst into tears because this guy is literally threatening shit like fucking you with a knife, and you roll up your sleeve to show the Overlord the big dark bruise where you were grabbed

Like you've been trying to keep to yourself and really not even talk to Val because you know he's still pretty scary and he knows you as this kind of shy quiet little cutie he has t had the time to start giving his full attention to and now you're just big boo hoo blubbering tears, "I'm really scared Mister Valentino"

And to top off the favorite part of the idea, obviously I can see this scenario happening a few different ways, but imagine after you breakdown and tell Val a few details, you just run off because you're crying and feeling humiliated and you're thinking he doesn't care so you just feel stupid and weak, and THIS is when your stalker appears again, and Val rocks up with that hot pink gun of his when he decides, "hey my lil shorty has been gone too long" and he walks in on this guy trying to rip your clothes off, strangle you, or both. And of course you run up to the Overlord just trembling and clutching at him and hiding behind him because he's huge and scary and of course, Valentino certainly doesn't mind how you're clinging to him. And before you know it, he's got you sitting next to him on his sofa, sidled right up besides him, you being very much EAGER to cuddle with him like this since you know, or at least terrified enough to be convinced, that no one is going to bother you while you're with the Overlord.

And of course, it's a week later, and he still wants you to cuddle up to him again, and again, and again, and eventually you realize, "oh wait, he's no longer actually giving me a choice in the matter, I'm just straight up like his new girlfriend" and by that point he's already making plans to get you all fixed up at the salon with him and take you to his stylist to get you a little red jacket like what he has Angel wear sometimes and, you know just #possessivepimpthings where he officially begins to transition you into his propery

Tbh I'm starting to become like obsessed with the idea of him quite literally taking you everywhere to the point its virtually 24/7 and you're living in his house and sleeping in his bed and BATHING WITH HIM because he's treating you like a partner/pet and controls every aspect of your life down to the shampoo you use and your skincare routine, but that's a story for another time 👀

#yandere stuff #sinprompts

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ohmyf-ck · 2 years

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Why I love Rom-Coms: A blatant reminder for future in love me.

I am currently eight months into being twenty two years old and never have felt what it's like to feel love. By love, I mean the romantic kind;not the parent-child or friend love or the sometimes reluctant sibling love. No. I mean the type of love where you think about this particular person every waking hour (not in an obsessive stalker way, just the 'I wonder what they're doing when I'm not there' and 'Are they thinking about me right now?' Okay that does sound stalkerish (note to self: DON'T EVER DESCRIBE IT LIKE THAT TO ANYONE ELSE...EVER!)) Anyway, what I mean to say is that I have never felt the innate need to spontaneously start slow dancing in the kitchen to 'old' music with the person I adore (obviously the nonexistent as of current).

I'm not entirely to sure why I have decided to write this at 2:22 in the morning; whether it's because I just finished watching 'The Broken Hearts Club' on Netflix for the first time or whether it's because I feel incredibly lonely. Let's be honest, as it is, you enjoy watching these sappy fictional stories just so the masochist in you receives some form of gratification. I am really starting to believe that I watch and read these love stories in order to either remind myself how exponentially alone I am OR to remind myself and instead, choose to ignore it by throwing myself into someone else's love story (real or fake) in order to at least feel a sliver of something.

At this point in my life, everyone I pretty much know is in a relationship. My older brother is 18 months older than me and as of current, engaged, expecting a beautiful, bouncing baby boy and is well on the way to buying a house.

My little sister is three years younger than I am and the 'wild child', if you will. She is currently in her second relationship of the year (go her). She claims to love this one and I guess she is the only one that can decide her true feelings.

My point is, when all I see around me is people in 'love' when I haven't even come close to holding hands in a romantic way, is a pain that is indescribable in itself. You can't say it's like heartbreak because to me, heartbreak is a process of mending...healing. I also wouldn't say that it's like grief either because how am I supposed to miss something that I have never had to opportunity to experience in the first place? I guess what I'm trying to get at in a round about way is that the feeling could best be described as a misplaced longing. Now the reason I refer to it as 'misplaced' is because in reality I have everything that one would require to be happy in life. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly happy but as of right now, I feel like a jigsaw missing the last piece (so cheesy). Plenty of people have said to me, "You're young, you have time." OR the dreaded, "Well, you can't rush it, your time will come."

The thing is I know it's true, my time will come - eventually. However, it is heart wrenching to be the only one without a significant other at family gatherings. When all of a sudden you get cornered by an old relative that you haven't seen in a while asking why you don't have a partner and how "anyone would be lucky to have you".

Now, stick with this next bit... it's a relevant tangent but a tangent all the same. So, do you remember your ex best friend? The one that basically mentally abused you and drained every ounce of emotion out of you like the energy vampire they were? Well, ever since you 'broke up' with them, do you remember what your Step-Dad (bless his heart) would always reassure you with? He would say, "Do you know what I see when I look at you? I see a person that someone is going to get the honour of loving one day." Now you're probably thinking, what has this got to do with anything? I think, the reason I bring this up is to remind myself that I enjoy watching these films and consuming this type of media because it gives me a chance to find characters with similar or the exact same qualities as me, recieving the love that they deserve. In doing so, although I am left feeling lonely and empty after these films, once I have had enough time to process...I realise that the qualities that I see as annoying or weird do have a possibility of being just as loved as anything else. And that, well that gives me a fuzzy comfort blanket of a reminder that to love someone truly is to wait for the right time in your life.

#incessant ramblings #sappy shit #Spotify

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bedlamsbard · 3 years

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I struggle a lot with getting easily overwhelmed with negativity (specifically Star Wars in this context, but other things as well; with Star Wars particularly I tend to go down rabbit holes) on the internet and not wanting to add to that, but at the same time not wanting to feel like I’m holding back my own thoughts on something if I’m really bothered by it or even not one hundred percent happy with it. I do go back, sometimes years later, to look at what I said at points, and it’s particularly frustrating when I do that and there’s either nothing there or what is there is so vague as to be essentially useless. And while I don’t really want to be the kind of people who drastically changes how someone else feels about something (I don’t really care if you liked it or not as long as you don’t come in to tell me how great something I hated was, or to tell me something I love is horrible), I also know that it can be really valuable to see that someone else didn’t like the same parts that you also didn’t, especially if the dominant narrative in fandom is about something else.

I don’t know. I don’t think there’s an easy answer -- I never do a reaction or a thoughts post or a liveblog with the expectation or desire to get into a debate about that (I save that for yelling at my friends, whom I’m pretty sure won’t suddenly turn on my throat), but like. *flips hand* Sometimes I just want to sort out my thoughts by typing them out, because I’m a writer and that’s how I think best; sometimes I want to just get it out and send it into the universe; sometimes I do want people to go “hmm, good thoughts” (but not yell at me about it or call me an idiot); sometimes it’s a combination of the above. And I don’t want to be an asshole about it to other people. Sigh.

#I get so frustrated because I was SO MAD that I never did a real rebels finale post and still haven't (probably won't)#so sometimes I go back to see what I said then and the answer is 'BASICALLY NOTHING'#I am one of those people who -- while not easily swayed by other people's opinions -- can get really overwhelmed by them #in the kind of way where I'm like 'but I don't like thing so is my taste awful?' or 'I did like thing so is my taste awful?'#and it kind of makes me doubt my own perception of reality (which is a WHOLE 'NOTHER THING that has to do with many things)#but like #I know I sort my thoughts out best by writing through them #on the other hand sometimes I REALLY HAVEN'T seen anyone else bring up a particular issue I have #and then I have to sit with 'well do I want to be the only person to bring XYZ up' and sometimes it's mild and sometimes it's serious #mleh #your girl #bedlam watches star wars

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silvertonedwords · 3 years

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#40 kisses prompt if you haven't had that asked yet please and thank you.

A gentle kiss that quickly descends into passion, with little regard for what’s going on around them.

I felt like expanding this.

“And, why are people staring at us?”

Tina clears her throat as they walk past gaggles of well-dressed employees at the Ministry entrance, then waves her wand at a stand of this morning’s papers so that one flies into her hand and falls open to the second page. “The usual.” She passes the page over to Newt, her beaded charcoal gown rustling between them.

Many of the guests pay them no mind, but Newt is right to notice the odd person pointing or whispering with badly concealed glances in their direction.

“ ‘Scamander and Auror Wife to Split’ details on page 10′” he reads. “Merlin’s beard, not again.” He skims the article briefly before sending the paper back to the stand with a flick of his wand and a frustrated sigh. Frequent absences for work. Sources close to the couple. Chilly atmosphere on a walk last week after Mr. Scamander returned from his research trip.

“Mm-hm.” Tina rolls her eyes, fighting hard to brush it off entirely, although she knows these articles bother Newt. Not all of them—not the ones speculating about the color of ink he uses at book signings or the financial arrangement he has with his publisher for a second edition. He finds those easy enough to ignore. And the articles that anger him the most are those with misinformation about his creatures. But she has noticed that it bothers him when the papers speculate about the state of their relationship. Is it so impossible for people to see how we feel about each other? he’d asked the night after the second article had run, his face cast in shadows on the pillow beside her and his fingers tracing absent-minded shapes along her ribs.

She can understand the frustration. As secure as they are in each other, it stings that the rest of society seems to have decided that their feelings deserve suspicion and ridicule. A single article would be one thing, but to have the baseless stories repeated over, and over... (Who’s gonna marry him? she remembers asking Newt on the day they met, in reference to Jacob of course, but it feels apt now—the question everyone else seems to be asking of them.) Tina is a generally private person, and she knows it wouldn’t help, but sometimes she wishes she could make these foolish people listen to her as she describes her husband—his kindness, and wit, and energy. How unusual and wonderful he is, and how lucky they both feel every day, even when one of them is in a terrible mood, or they’re about to be separated for work, to have stumbled into each other on a New York street.

The specifics of the articles change each time, but the implications remain more or less the same. Some speculate that she is always at work, too busy to support his success, and too disinterested a wife to care. Others suggest that he is too strange, too cold—that he couldn’t possibly care for her. And always, the articles seem to say, it was destined to be a disaster, and if ever there was any passionate feeling between them, there certainly isn’t now. She’ll take the criticism of her feelings and know it’s absurd, but the self-satisfied hints about Newt are enraging.

They make their way to the east wing of the lobby and up a set of stairs, where floating chandeliers and draping gold and navy fabric adorn the usually bare hall. Newt must have picked up on her scowl, because he slides his hand into hers and squeezes tightly. She squeezes back, trying to shake off her frustration as she waves at a couple of auror colleagues. “Thanks for coming with me. I know you hate these things.”

“You hate them too,” he protests.

“Yes, but I’m the one who’s required to go.”

His thumb sweeps across the back of her hand, his fingers threading through hers. “I’d do far more, you know.”

She does not try to hide her soft smile, lovestruck though it must be. “I know.”

They reach the top of the stairs and turn left, making their way past tables of bubbling drinks and towards the ballroom’s heavy wooden doors. Newt drops her hand to avoid a floating platter of chocolates, stepping to the side to rejoin her a few feet later. A camera flash goes off in front of them. Wonderful, Tina thinks. More fuel for speculation.

-&-

The first part of the evening goes as well as can be expected. Tina has few enough people that she’s interested in talking to; the only reason the Auror Department is required to attend these soirees is ‘to demonstrate to everyone that England is doing just fine in our efforts to stop Grindelwald’.

At least Perkins had pulled Newt deep into conversation about the creatures he’d come across on assignment in Brazil. They’d wandered off fifteen minutes earlier, leaving Tina to sip her drink and watch the rest of the senior aurors and department heads mingle. Occasionally, she has a brief conversation with a colleague, but they, like her, keep moving around the room, taking stock. Even if she were the kind of person who enjoyed parties, she supposes, her job would probably ruin them. There are too many people to keep an eye on--too many people that she’s learned by reputation or experience not to trust.

Since Newt left for a smaller anteroom, she has also found to her great annoyance that the gossiping has become somewhat bolder. There are a few whispers around her--a couple of women from the press office pointing at her with sympathetic sighs; a man turning to his wife and saying I didn’t think it would last, you know. He’s so odd.

She has just turned back for another drink when Mrs. Selwyn spots her. “Ah, Tina darling, how are you?”

Tina moves her glass to her left hand, reaching with her right to shake the woman’s hand. The Selwyns have purchased hippogriffs from the Scamanders and have known both boys since they were little, although they are not, Tina has gathered, a particular favorite of either. “Fine, Mrs. Selwyn,” Tina replies smoothly, keeping an eye on new arrivals passing through the ballroom door.

“You know, dear, if you ever needed--well, if you needed someone to talk to...”

Tina swallows a cough at the presumption. “What about?” she asks cheerfully.

“Oh, well. I’m sure I don’t know. Married life. That sort of thing.”

Tina does cough at that, covering it with a sip of her drink. Any anger on her part, she knows, will only be taken as confirmation of the story. The nerve of these people though, and the nerve of those so-called journalists with their smug implications, that no one could really fall in love with Newt; that a woman and an auror could not possibly have a happy marriage; that because Newt doesn’t follow her around like a crup at every event saying ‘yes dear’ and ‘of course dear’, he couldn’t possibly be in love with her. Never mind the way he looked at her from across the room a few minutes ago, when he caught her gaze mid-sentence. Never mind that her heart still takes off like a niffler in a jewelry store whenever he fixes her hair or kisses the back of her hand.

“Tina!” she hears, grateful that for once, her brother-in-law has good timing. “Could I borrow her for a moment, Mrs. Selwyn? Auror business.”

Mrs. Selwyn looks between them, raising an eyebrow as though deciding whether to be offended, and then nods and turns away.

“Thank you,” Tina murmurs under her breath as they walk towards the opposite wall.

“I’m quite put out, you know,” Theseus replies good-naturedly. “My brother and sister-in-law are splitting up for the fifth time this year, and they didn’t even bother to tell me.”

“Don’t you start,” she warns.

Theseus glances at her, then nods towards Mrs. Selwyn’s retreating form. “Is that what that was about?”

She hums in acknowledgement. “Offering ‘marital advice’.”

“Ridiculous, if you ask me. ‘There was a chilly atmosphere on their walk’,” he quotes. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Mm, particularly given the fact that we’d spent the majority of that day in bed.”

Theseus chokes on a sip of firewhisky. “Tina, he’s my little brother, would you please not—“ She grins, and he scowls back half-heartedly. “You say things like that just to make me squirm.”

“It’s good for you.” Her grin melts into a softer smile as she catches sight of Newt, who is still engrossed in his conversation with Perkins half a room away, his hands flying through the air with his enthusiasm.

Theseus’s voice has gentled beside her. “I don’t know how anyone could pay attention to the two of you for five minutes and believe anything those articles say.”

Well, Tina thinks with a rush of impatient energy, perhaps that’s what everyone needs to put an end to this stupid speculation. “Back in a minute,” she tells Theseus, downing the last of her drink and setting the glass on a nearby table.

She strides across the room to where Newt and Perkins are still talking. “Could I borrow Newt?” she asks, one hand grazing Newt’s elbow once he’s seen that it’s her.

“Hello,” Newt offers once they are facing each other. He swallows hard, she presumes at what must be a rather fierce expression on her face.

“Hi,” she returns, touching the edge of his fringe.

He catches her hand in his own, turning to press a kiss to her palm, the touch comfortable and breathtaking in equal measure. “Is something the matter?”

She shakes her head, falling into the tender amusement of his searching gaze. The auror in her had crossed the room with a plan, but as she slides a hand along his jaw and brings his lips to hers, she does not think about who might be watching them, or who would care. She does it because she wants to, and because she loves him, and because they can. Because she’s caught glimpses of him looking at her all evening, and knows that she’s been doing the same.

Newt is as wrapped up in them as she was in an instant. He tilts his head further and cups her jaw to keep their mouths joined, his other hand settling on her waist to steady them. The kiss is intense but not frenzied, the press of lips and tongues a familiar give and take, their soft gasps muffled into the space between them.

Tina slides her hand around his neck, slipping her fingers up into his messy hair and smiling against his lips when he arches into the touch, and Newt coaxes her closer with his hand spread across her back. A shiver works its way through her as his calloused hand settles against her bare skin where the cut of her dress has left it exposed.

They part slowly, first to their foreheads pressed together, and then enough that Tina glimpses the dazed expression that matches her own.

He watches his fingers curl into her mussed hair and tuck it back behind her ear, and Tina melts into the tenderness in his touch and his eyes. “That was…” he manages, his voice rough.

Her teeth dig into her lip, her eyes dancing to find the beginnings of a smile on Newt’s lips. “Unexpected?” She fixes the ends of his collar, although they hardly need adjusting. “I thought maybe we could put a stop to the rumors. They were starting to bother me.” She fingers his bowtie. “I think they have been. A little. Not because—but the things that everyone assumes about you are...“

“I know.” His brow furrows, his fingers curling around hers. “I think the same about you.”

A camera flashes beside them.

Tina sighs as, reluctantly, they pull apart. In an ideal world, they wouldn’t appear in the papers. But if they’re going to, at least it can be a little more accurate, and less likely to send nosy women and thoughtless Ministry officials their way with cruel assumptions about Newt’s heart.

The story runs the following day as a caption to a photograph from the evening, an ever-repeating moment of their hands tangled and eyes fixed together as they separate from their kiss.

Newt Scamander & Auror Goldstein Like Newlyweds at Last Night’s Soiree, the headline reads.

Theseus drops a copy on Tina’s desk the next morning with a shake of his head and a begrudging grin.

“So, did that go how you’d planned?” Newt asks that night as they’re getting ready for bed.

Tina grins as he settles under the blankets beside her. “I saw you tear out a copy of that photograph and put it in your case.”

He settles a hand on her hip, and she grasps it to tug him closer, until he’s pressed up against her back, his voice behind her warm and sleepy. “Your eyes in that photo, Tina.”

She cranes her neck to glimpse his face, reaching an arm behind her to tuck his face into her neck. “I may have left a copy in my desk. I prefer yours.”

#newtina #newtina fanfiction #my writing #i don't even know what this is #anyway #tina and theseus being friends gives me life ok

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wheredemdokis · 3 years

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[tastebreaker review] Law School (no spoilers)

Sometimes, I wish I could have a shrine for all the cerebral media that I consumed, because it definitely is my favourite archetype. Death Note was a masterpiece that I hungrily binged in one day - similarly with Psycho Pass (though I haven't watched the second season due to most of the reviews I have read). This extend well into non-anime media for me - State of Play (with Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck and Rachel McAdams) remains one of my favourite movies, Inception and, well, honestly anything by Christopher Nolan, and I have recently began watching The Matrix as well.

And so, the thirst for real mystery and brain games was quenched when I started watching Law School, with Kim Myung-min, Kim Beom and Ryu Hye-young, directed by Kim Suk-yoon. Needless to say, throughout the whole trip, I was hooked, counting down days until the next episode came... but towards the end - an unpopular opinion - I was actually quite disappointed.

And so, before you start your cross-examination, allow me to present my findings first.

- How did I start watching this?

My friend and I were looking around for something to binge on Netflix and forget about COVID-19. This series popped up, and the moment I read the title, my sapiosexual senses were tingled.

- And how was it?

Very good!... until the ending came. ;w;

- Genres & overarching themes?

Genres: Mystery, Thriller, Psychological

Overarching themes: murder mystery, law vs justice, intelligence (as in, the characters are all really smart hahah)

- Plot: 4/5

It could have been a high four, near five if it wasn't for the ending, frankly. The first episode started out with Professor Seo Byung-ju of Hankuk Law School dead, and the spotlight shines on Professor Yang Jong-hoon (the man in the poster above), the first suspect. But was it really him? From then, the mystery unfolds as our favourite study group (who shall be very well elaborated on later in this review) launches itself into investigation for true justice.

The series started out extremely strong in my opinion, with its first few episodes filled with twists and sub-plots that were waiting to get wrapped up. Every episode just leaves you gripping on the sides of your seat in suspense. It really makes you doubt every single person that appeared on-screen and watch out for anything that happens - the show uses the Chekhov's Gun trope really well. As the knots become unravelled, we gain more depth into the characters. However, as we near the end - about two-three episodes for me - the show started to lose its thrust, falling into a comfortable stereotype that made things rather frustrating.

One of the major advantages of Law School, in my opinion, is its ability to twist and turn everything. It prompts the viewers to realize that when the case is really examined in a whole different angle, with more and more evidence coming to light, everything changes. The use of different suspects' stories being told in each episode is a pleasure to watch - the viewers feel like an omniscient judge, overseeing the motives and evidence to draw out a conclusion for themselves on who might be the murderer. The series prompts the viewers to think, which is a trend I really like. It's also interesting to question why characters do certain things they do. Professor Yang Jong-hoon (my favourite character!), for example, is a very... chaotic (haha) character, who keeps on surprising people with his actions - yet, his actions are all elaborate executions of his strategy, a whole plan that he has concocted which accounted for multiple steps ahead, thanks to his extremely sharp vision of what could happen. Thus, it is extremely satisfying when everything falls into place as Yangcrates (a nickname he earned due to his Socratic teaching) explains everything that led up to a particular tense moment where the truth was unveiled.

Yet... this very trope had its downfall near the end. The murderer was so heavily shadowed on in the beginning that the viewers would have expected the murderer to be someone else completely unexpected, a mastermind that pulled the strings behind all the proceedings. Yet, the murderer and the mastermind behind the murder were someone so... I dare say, unimpressive. I mean, this particular 'mastermind' behind the murder fell into so many traps! The murderer was definitely my major disappointment - the villain was a weak character, an unsatisfying antagonist that the intelligent heroes, once having figured who he/she is, didn't even break a sweat to bring to light. The last, final twist that was supposed to be the most glamorous of them all, completely knocking the viewers off their feet, fell completely flat.

Secondly, whilst having a lot of sub-plots still remains a favourite trope of mine as I'd expect everything to wrap up nicely near the end... well, it didn't. Whilst most sub-plots were hastily answered, there was one particular sub-plot which was just left completely unaddressed (for those who have watched it, it's about J****s), and unless they're hinting at a second season where this would be further elaborated on, this was a dead-end sub-plot, a plot with no elaboration or continuation whatsoever.

Overall, the plot was breathtaking in the beginning. It lost momentum very near the end, and wrapped everything up with an anticlimactic last episode.

- Characters: 4.7/5

Definitely the strongest set of characters I've seen in a Korean drama, frankly. All characters were so well utilised, each having their own quirks and flaws which were delightful to watch. Everyone was so, so intelligent, that they honestly were the main fuel to the series, our main stars.

Allow me to first start off with my favourite character, Professor Yang Jong-hoon. Stoic, yet with an extremely savage side that he does not hesitate to show to anyone of any ranks or social standings, Yangcrates carefully plots everything, always thinks, questions, and then thinks even more. Intelligence-wise, this man is most definitely the smartest on-screen persona I've seen in the Korean drama franchise - able to see miles ahead and figure out all the answers down to their root, he is someone that definitely earns all the respect he has, from both his students and viewers alike. Personality-wise, this man is equally interesting as he is smart. With a cold exterior, Yangcrates does not take any bullshit (cue a particularly funny water spitting scene), and does not hold back harsh words to point it out. Yet, underneath this cold exterior is a burning desire to find the absolute truth, which would in turn bring justice to ones who have been wronged (refer to a particular lecture-like speech he made in episode 10), and a passion for teaching his students. He secretly cares for his students a lot, and expresses it in his own way.

Next, our favourite study group - a group of capable, enticing individuals. Firstly, we have Han Joon-hwi, a complex character that always pursues justice and fairness. His intelligence shines through with the way he, firstly, is able to take advantage of his sharp understanding of law into the case, and his careful processing of the evidence he gathers during investigation. Whilst he always keeps a cold head when needed, he has an equally warm heart, genuinely caring for wronged and innocent people. His expressions were all extremely raw and did not feel fake at all - really, props to his actor. More on this later.

Then, we have the two girls - Kang Sol A and Kang Sol B. Don't be fooled by their names - they are very much polar opposites. Whilst Kang Sol A is excitable and wears her heart on her sleeve (sometimes a bit too much), Kang Sol B always keeps a cool head, sometimes taking it to the extreme. I do admit that if I had to pick out of the two, though I love both of them very, very much, I'd probably lean a bit more towards Kang Sol A - even though she definitely gets on my nerves sometimes because of her overload of emotions that could be disruptive, she has her frequent bouts of creativity and "a-ha!" moments that display her underrated intelligence (I'm always soft for underdogs that are underestimated by everyone, only to turn the table on them later). She is also an extremely loyal friend and a very generous individual that isn't afraid to place herself in danger just to help others - overall, a very warm person. Kang Sol B, on the other hand - perhaps due to her family environment - does not really taking other people's emotions into consideration, though I really, really admire her for her intelligence, her ability to always keep a calm head (making her the blue counterpart to Kang Sol A's red), as well as her straightforwardness which has proven many times to be necessary to push the case forward. She does have a soft spot, though - a very adorable one at that. These two make an extremely adorable pair of friends.

My favourite student of the study group must be Seo Ji-ho. I'd say he's a less intimidating version of Kang Sol B hahah - cool and composed, Ji-ho is a reliable member who always pursues logic and reason first. He is also driven to achieve his goal and, like Joon-hwi, utilizes his deep understanding about law very well to solve his own case, his sub-plot. Though his sub-plot eventually was wrapped up as an open ending, it was a nice sub-plot to watch. Not to mention his dynamic with Joon-hwi is very adorable as well - the two really balance each other out.

Other students also have their own quirks and flaws, but for the sake of this review's length, I won't elaborate them as much - but I will say they are all a delight to watch, adding their own personal elements to the overall study group. I will definitely miss this set of characters so, so much. ;-;

- Acting: 4.4/5

Frankly, perhaps because of some K-drama series I have watched, I had a problem with acting in some K-drama series - the actors and actresses did not feel genuine, and they either overacted, pushing their expressions to the extreme, or underacted, simply being way too... stiff (some of my personal favourite actors and actresses so far are Kim Seon-ho, whose theatrical experiences probably really helped with his very natural acting, Jo Jung-seok, and Kim Hye-yoon, an actress who impressed me with both of her most popular series - hope to see her versatility shine through with more diverse roles though). This series, however, is a definite favourite of mine in terms of acting. Firstly, Kim Myung-min is a veteran actor that deserves so much respect - he basically morphed into Yangcrates. I absolutely loved the way he delivered his dialogues - very long ones! - without even so much as taking a breath in between - it was smooth and the flow was excellent.

Kim Beom also became one of my favourite actors after this series - the way he handled his role was so good, his expressions, actions, everything. I noticed that he's very good with his eyes, if that's the right way to put it - he is very good at displaying emotions with them, all emotions ranging from sadness to adoration (towards a particular someone *wink*). It's a top-notch skill, really, and I'm glad to have seen him on-screen. Similarly, Ryu Hye-young impressed me so, so much that I shall add her to my list of favourite actresses as well - I can't spoil, but she is really able at... altering her vibes, yes. She seems to have studied her character really carefully too, being able to bring all Sol A's quirks to real life. Other actors and actresses were amazing, but for me, these three definitely shone.

- Doki moments?

Ah. Definitely some between Sol A and Joon-hwi, as a lot of other people have commented. From the way they tease each other to the way he cares about her every little thing, the way he stares at her, the way his whole demeanor just changes around her and the way she unknowingly influences him so much - they do balance each other out really well, Joonhwi being the cool to Sol A's warm. I do find myself thinking Sol B and Ji-ho would be rather compatible as well (also, them being study rivals in high school? My rivals-to-lovers side is ready).

- Enjoyment: 4/5

Again, could have been higher if it wasn't for the ending! But yes, overall, a whole trip worth embarking on.

- Overall: 4.2/5

Really, could have been higher... but yes, still an excellent show. I just hope they could have had more episodes to really wrap everything up nicely and maybe throw us one final, absolutely ground-breaking twist.

- Watch it or neh?

Yes, please do watch it! And let me know how it goes, too. ;3

#jtbc law school #law school kdrama #kdrama review #kdrama recommendations #kang sol a #han joon hwi #solhwi #kim beom #ryu hye young #yangcrates #kim myung min #kdrama #kdramanetwork #mystery thriller #crime thriller #psychological #mystery series #school life

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moonlight-drawn-by-dawn · 3 years

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Sneak Peek : Recompense

So I decided to pull an old piece from the archives that I kept hidden for the past three years.I’m thinking about reviving it for the incoming year. As I was editing, I had the thought of transforming this into a Madrugada prequel (though the main character’s name is different in this version). At this rate, I know Cecil’s story will never be told within the story and I kinda regret not having the proper place to write it within Madrugada. Poor guy doesn’t get a break and deserves to get some form of happiness. Anywho, let me know your thoughts! If it’s a yes, then I will work on bringing this into frutition.

~~~

May 1923

The flowers bloomed with a soft fragrance as the sun shined bright. Folks were busying the streets, shopping, and talking. Children played with friends, running about with small toys at hand. The wind was light, giving the right temperature for the London atmosphere. People were beginning to find hope again.

There was still a lot to fix up since the war. The troops were in anguish from all they faced on the frontlines. One, in particular, was Colonel Robin Davies, a man who was of great power. If this were five years ago, there would be people honoring him as he walked down the street, hoping for another win with his strength. Now, he walked down the crowded streets of London but merely watched others with curious eyes as strangers went about their business. There were no shouts of recognition or triumph surrounding him.

A book was at hand, a pencil too. The young man was walking to the small park not too far from his home. He was hoping to find some sense of peace. Instead, his ears consumed the noise of people, people who weren't affected.

Some beggars were asking for money, needing to fill their stomachs. Like many, Robin ignored the cries, not wanting anything to do with them. There were also young boys trying to sell newspapers, raising their voices in the hopes someone's ears would perk up having an interest in the news. More often than not, people barely took a look at them, not caring to worry themselves for a while. Robin wasn't like that. He needed to worry, be alert.

He went by the stand, taking out some loose coins from his pocket, taking the folded papers without a word. The young man said 'Thank you' to which he didn't receive a reply. Robin continued to go to the park, destined to do something with his life again.

Recently there were times he'd stay in his room all day, looking out the window watching others. He would go to the gatherings he was invited to, but there wasn't much to do, no one cared to converse with him, not that he'd blame them.

Sitting down on the bench, he took in his surroundings. Green was the dominant color in his vision, specks of brown and red. The sky was crisp. Clouds open widely, dancing in a slow rhythm. Birds were flying from one tree to another, in search of finding food for their young-ins.

His fingers opened the book, looking at previous works he'd done. They all looked the same, some a little more detailed than others. Life was mundane now, a repeat of itself. As he placed the pencil on paper, he thought how nice it would be if things changed for him.

He thought about it for a bit and left the beginning stages of his new work, only to start an even newer one.

He remembered one of the gatherings he'd have to go to in the future would entail a baby's dedication. Though he wasn't exactly close with the parents anymore, he wanted to do something nice for their child. Maybe the child wouldn't judge him based on misconceptions.

He then decided to draw a babe and mother. There was nothing more beautiful than that to him. He's seen so many dies that new life is what he needs to see.

He sat there, in concentration for about twenty minutes, pencil on the pad, ignoring all that's around him. When he finished, the sun was beginning to hideaway. Many people left and went back home, into the warmth which was lost as time went on. Robin rolled his neck a little before heading back to his place, wanting nothing more than sleep.

He avoided others as he walked briskly, not wanting anyone to acknowledge him.

Without realizing it, he ended up bumping into someone. Someone he didn't care to see.

"Robin, old chap! It's been some time since we've seen you. How are you?" Harry looked at his oldest friend, Christopher Watkins. His dark blue eyes shone with happiness, not that he didn't have anything to be happy about these past couple of years.

Robin just stared at his friend for a moment, allowing a small smile to don his face.

"That's a good mate. Hopefully, you haven't forgotten about Saturday, right? Melissa's been missing you." Unconsciously, Robin clenched his jaw. He wanted to comment on the innocent words, but couldn't. Instead, he nodded, raising his book to indicate he was working on something.

His friend nodded, the smile never leaving his face. "That's a good mate. Don't forget to look sharp. You know how she gets." Robin gave a half-hearted nod, deciding he should leave. He waved at his friend before walking off, not letting the latter give him a proper goodbye.

He didn't realize until he reached back his home that he was seething anger. It was the way he slammed his door. His things all around the floor that made him realize. He wishes he could scream, let all the anger come out.

He can remember what happened like it was yesterday. He decided to go to the war, entering the ranks like his father and grandfather. He knew it was much riskier due to how escalated the war became, but he wanted to follow tradition and make his family proud.

Before he left, he remembered leaving his beloved, Melissa, along with his good friend Christopher before heading off into the train. Robin remembered telling her how much he loved her, and the minute he got back, they'd get married.

He remembered her crying, begging him not to go. Melissa was afraid he would die, he wasn't.

He remembered talking to Christopher, "Take care of her" he didn't realize his friend would do more than that.

He was off for three and a half years. Sometimes when he could, he would write, never receiving anything back.

For three and a half years, he held onto the thought of starting a family with Melissa to help him survive.

When he finally reached home, not without wounds, he envisioned she would jump into his arms, but she was nowhere to be found.

He wanted to ask where she was but couldn't. Others realized he had that thought but chose to ignore it.

It wasn't until he went to see his friend when he saw the truth. The love of his life and his oldest friend got married, even had a child together.

The only thing he could do was stare in shock. He heard their excuses, thinking it would be better if they had gotten married because Melissa didn't believe he was alive anymore. What about the letters he sent her?

He knew the truth. They fell in love as he was away. Once you turn your back, others are out what you have.

He was shocked, angry. He couldn't show it though, he wanted to but couldn't. He just did his best to lose touch with them, much to their dismay. Robin knew they both pitied him, seeing that as the only reason they reach out to him. Anyone reached out to him was because they pitied him.

It was since then he gave up a bit but tried to fulfill his life in another way. He couldn't head back into the army, not yet. Instead, he stayed inside his home, living off what he inherited and the little the government gave him for his heroic work.

He began to grow out his hair, long curls forming. He would mostly have a harsh look on his face, avoiding people as a whole.

He needed something out of life, but he hasn't found it yet.

Saturday came quicker than he planned.

He focused so much on the painting that he hadn't realized how the time passed. He wore a nice suit, in contrast to his regular button-down shirt and slacks.

He neatly combed his hair. Since the end of the war, he had grown out his hair. There wasn't anyone for him to impress anyway. He shaved clean, but that was normal. He didn't care for a beard.

He reached the house of his longtime friend within no time; it was twice as big as the place he lived in, but Christopher had a family, so it wasn't as if he didn't need it.

When he rang the doorbell, he saw the blue eyes of Christopher, happy as ever.

"Robin, you came!"

Robin knew his friend was surprised because he usually would refuse to go out to social events. Before the war, he would be the one to make the party.

He smiled at his friend, subtly gesturing he wanted to come in.

Christopher took the box which encased the drawing he had.

Robin walked into the grand home and was surprised by how many people were there. Most were young families, but many were single women.

He looked around before seeing Melissa. His eyes wandered on her glowing face, red hair woven in an intricate braid, holding in her arms a baby. There was a ghost of a smile crossing his face. He then thought about how it would be if she married him, and that was their child.

Without him even realizing it, she walked towards him, his mind still away.

"Robin! It's great to see you again. How are you?" He looked at her surprised, before recovering with a smile. He was glad to see her again, even after how awkward everything was for him in the beginning.

"This is Josephine. Josey, this is your Uncle Robin" The mother turned from him to her daughter, a cheerful 5-month-old baby how started to grab things within reach. "Would you like to hold her?" Robin nodded, never really having the experience before.

With stable hands, Robin held the little girl. She had her father's brunette hair and her mother's hazel eyes. His hand touched her soft cheek delicately, afraid to break her. The baby took his finger and held onto it. He felt like there wasn't anyone else around except him, Melissa, and her baby.

Sometimes, he wished he could turn back time.

If he had to choose, he would still be boxing, fighting for his country. He would come back to a worried Melissa when he appeared to her with a bruised lip or a black eye. He may have had the advantage of not seeing the horrors that the war had to offer.

Within minutes, he came back into the real world, hearing Christopher calling his name. "Robin, mate, there's someone I want you to meet." There was instantly a bad feeling in his gut hearing that.

He gave the baby one last smile before giving her back to Melissa. Walking cautiously towards Christopher, his guard instantly came up.

Christopher put an arm around him, leading him into another corner of his big house. That's when he saw her, his worse nightmare.

She was tall, blonde, and beautiful. There was an odd look in her eyes. Although she held a smile on her face, she seemed a bit detached. Robin hoped this interaction wouldn't be too long, but he knew it would already be short due to him.

"Robin, this is Francesca. Franny, this is Robin, the guy I told you about." Told her about, what about him? He wasn't even told about anything!

"Hello, it's nice to meet you." She gave her long, thin fingers for him to shake, to which he took and shook hands with him, not without giving a polite smile.

"So Robin, I heard you do art. What kind of pieces do you do?" Was she serious? If Christopher told her all about him, he could've at least added that he was mute. His teeth gritted together, and out of spite, decided to use sign language to give his answer.

She looked confused at his "gestures", his signing, leaving to complain to Christopher about this 'flaw' he had.

Robin was beyond mad when the woman left. How dare Christopher humiliate him? What did he do so wrong that he was made to look like a fool not once, but twice?!

"I'm sorry, Robin. I didn't want to make you go through that experience. I know after everything, you've probably don't care for relationships like that. Melissa thought it would be best for you to move on."

His eyes opened wide at the last statement. Did Melissa want him to do that, to move on? She sounded as though she wanted to forget about their relationship. Robin gave his old friend a small nod before deciding to take his leave; he didn't care to see how they'd react to his painting.

He sulked down the now dark streets, his mind fuming. Instead of heading back home, he went to the place he once considered a haven.

The boxing gym was one of little lighting, many would usually come early in the morning to do what they need to, but Robin didn't have any time for that. Taking off his suit jacket, he rolled up his sleeves and tied his hair before looking for a spear pair of boxing gloves.

Without hesitation, he started to punch. It was slow at first, but when he thought about things that got him upset, his punches became faster, more powerful. His breathing became more ragged, and he lost everything in the motions.

It wasn't until he collapsed from the burning in his lungs when he stopped. It was years since he practiced, so he should've expected that to occur. He coughed a few times, his chest moving fast, trying to catch his breath.

After a few minutes, he thought it would be best to go back home, sleep away from his emotions. He realized a while ago that burying his emotions became his new thing.

When he arrived home, he was surprised who he saw standing by his front door, his father. Edward Davies stood tall and proud, waiting for his son's arrival. Robert was almost his exact image, except for his eyes. Robert got his sea-green eyes from his mother.

As Robin reached his front door, he noticed his father looking at him, eyes softening. The young man remembered even as a child his father never looked at him like that. There was pity in his father's eyes, and he hated it. He didn't need his father to feel sorry for him because of what happened.

"Hello Robin, it's good to see you again." He shook his son's hand firmly. Robin only looked at his father, giving a smile to indicate how good it was to see him again.

As they both entered the warm house, Robin sensed that something was going to happen. He wasn't sure if it was good or bad, but he did have to brace himself.

"How are things for you, son?" This time, Robin resorted to using sign language to get his words across. There's only so much the face can express.

I'm doing well. Things are going normal for me.

His father nodded, having learned the language to make up for the lost time. There was an awkward silence between the men, not sure of where things would be heading.

"Robin, I know the war ended years ago, but I do hope you know as a Colonel, you still have responsibilities to the country as a whole." The younger man nodded in agreement, he had been through a lot, but there was more to protect the country from.

"As you know, in recent years, there has been a stark conflict with our colonization in India. Since the war began, we've been facing much more rebellion from the Indian people trying to take back the power we now have. Since the end of the war, we as a government thought that there should be more reinforcement down in India, regulating the people."

Robin took the words in, not sure of what he had to do with anything.

"Well, son, I know as of recently you haven't done anything too significant in your life. Your mother and I thought that maybe a change in the environment would help you out. We were thinking, that you can go to India and lead one of the regiments. You won't have to do a lot, only give orders and make sure everything's running smoothly. The most you may have to do is see whether someone decides to rebel against the crown and figure out how to deal with it. Would you be willing to do so?"

Robin was stunned. Since the war, there wasn't a day he ever thought his father would ask him to run a regiment of soldiers. In another country, no less. His legs began to shake, forcing him to sit by the nearest chair.

How would he be able to do half of the things his father wanted if he was incapable of physically giving orders? How would any subordinates respect him with a lack of voice?

He looked at his father, disbelief almost showing through his eyes.

"Of course, you don't need to give me an answer right this minute, but I do need one by next week. Come home and let us know. Your mother misses you." With that, his father decided to take his leave.

Robin stayed put on his chair, contemplating what his father just told him. He never expected to be asked back into the army so quickly, but who was he kidding? Did they expect him to run a regiment? He won't have any respect from the men.

Then again, his father was right; he did need a sense of a newer environment. He couldn't stay here, not with his past always there to haunt him.

But how would he live there, would he be put into quarters with all the other men?

There were too many questions on his mind. A headache started to form in his head; he needed to sleep on it.

The only thing he knew now was that there was a chance of renewal in his life.

If Robin knew what was good for him, he would take it.

#original character #original story #original writing #london #1920s #historical fiction #boxer #mute character #love loss #soldier #possible cecil story #possible madrugada prequel #cecil #for now it's robin davies #im an idiot i dead left typos in 😬

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animeraider · 3 years

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I get a lot of flack from anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers, and other fuckwits about my words on the COVID-19 Pandemic and in particular the response to it in the US. I pull no punches about it, I believe firmly that the previous administration and ANYONE who enables them and their policies are complicit in the deaths of all of these people. They belong in prison.

I'm not going to fucking apologize for believing that. The fault for all of this belongs directly in the laps of the Republican Party. If you believe otherwise, you're WRONG. I can bring the receipts.

I've been pretty isolated during all of this. I went into lockdown on March 11, 2020 and I'm technically still there. I now work from home, and even though I've been fully vaccinated for two months now I still go out masked. I may never eat at a buffet again. Sorry Sizzler, but I've learned how to make your cheese bread.

I ripped a tendon in my left knee in May of 2020. I had to go to the hospital, but I was out in a few hours with crutches. I would joke with people that I'm now out of hinged joints to break.

But in July my cough returned with an attitude, and I picked up an infection. Not Covid, but it all made me pretty sick. So that you understand, I have what's called "Chronic Cough Syndrome". I've had it since I was 8. No one knows the cause or the cure. Believe me, we've looked. I just start coughing, and after a few months, I stop. It can be treated but I just have to live with it until someone comes up with something we haven't tried before.

Doctors have gotten into fistfights over whether or not I have Asthma. I don't, but sometimes Asthma medications work for a bit. To be honest, I've had this for so long that sometimes I don't even notice when I cough. It's just part of the wonder of being me.

I took the Pandemic seriously. I stayed home, I socially distanced, I got real familiar with teams, bluejeans, and zoom. I did a LOT of cooking. Started making bread. Watched the country fall apart at the seams and commented on it from my own little pocket of safety. I contributed a new song to a fund-raising effort for nurses. I did my part to stay safe, but my cough had other ideas.

Anyway, this time my coughing got pretty severe and I finally agreed to go to the hospital. As stated above, turns out I had picked up an infection. Combine that with my cough and I showed all of the symptoms of a severe case of COVID-19.

I'd been careful, but the hospital staff were all very cross with me. If I had COVID, I just exposed all of them, and the main nurse who tended to me had already been quarantined that same month for a different exposure. When the test came back negative the tension in the emergency ward calmed down immensely and everyone treated me kindly and professionally - I was a patient with something they knew what to do with and didn't bring plague into their house.

I spent 4 days in the hospital but the worst part, scariest part, was the wait to move from the Emergency Room to a private room. I came to the hospital in the late afternoon. I finally got my bed nearly 12 hours later, a good 8 hours after my test for COVID had come back negative.

I needed to be hospitalized, and needed a bed, and there weren't any. I had to wait for someone to either be discharged or to die.

I got my bed at 4 in the morning. Someone had died. Musical chairs was played and I was finally moved out of the Emergency Room.

It's really hard to understand how sobering that is without experiencing it. Many years ago, before we even knew about AIDS, I had the honor of donating blood and seeing it get used in a surgery mere minutes later. I became a regular blood donor at that moment - I felt so happy and alive that my blood had been used to save a life mere minutes after I had donated it (I'm O Negative) that I became a life-long believer. I donated every time I was eligible from that moment forward until a blood infection disqualified me from ever donating again 20 years later.

This was just the opposite. The guy with a cough and a treatable infection had to wait for someone on a ventilator to stop breathing. Someone with COVID died so that I could get a bed. They never knew this had happened, and I never learned who they were. Some random person died so that I could get better.

Try sleeping after that realization hits you. I couldn't. I barely slept the entire time I was there.

Despite the fact that I wasn't in the "COVID Ward" I got to see the effects first-hand. The newly disinfected bed and room I had was previously occupied by someone moved up to the Covid Ward. They in turn had moved up there after a ventilator was taken away from a patient who died. Staff rotated through different wards on different shifts. My first nurse was rotated into the Covid Ward. My next day nurse had just rotated out. I have never in my life seen a group of people look so haunted by their day to day lives.

A well-liked member of their staff was on a ventilator. So was a priest who worked in the hospital. I had never seen in person a "Code Blue". There were six of them my first day. There is also a "Code Black". It's much worse.

My wife and daughters weren't allowed to visit me. When your daily soundtrack is nothing but medical staff talking about the good and the bad, terrible television and the moaning/screaming of your new neighbors getting that visit from family is a huge stress relief. It wasn't available this time. I didn't see my family again until I was discharged. There was no outside world.

I admit that being in hospital during all of this, even though I myself didn't have COVID, shook me. When you're in hospital mostly what you deal with is yourself and your own condition, and getting the hell out of there as soon as you can. This time I was not only aware of the people around me, their conditions, their suffering and their recoveries, but I was also aware that a whole section of the building was dedicated to people who were going to die, and that the people who were treating me were also treating them.

This was as close as I got to the Pandemic. When I got home I fucking STAYED THERE. I went to the grocery store and the pharmacy and that was it. That was life for MONTHS.

Our grocery store was fantastic - they enforced social distancing and masks with gusto. They cleaned EVERYTHING. It had been a 24 hour store but converted to shorter hours so that the down time could be spent cleaning. Aisles were made one-way.

The first time I saw someone in the parking lot without a mask I have to admit that I lost it. I screamed at them (a white couple about my age), "PUT YOUR FUCKING MASKS ON YOU FUCKING MORONS!" Understand, I'm a fairly large man with a deep voice and have been a professional singer for decades and have played sax even longer. I'm loud and imposing. Everyone within 50 feet turned and stared at the couple. Okay, me first then the couple.

It's possible they didn't speak English. They exchanged a few words in Russian to each other and then masked up.

I've been known to let my temper show. I try not to because I know it's there and I know it's terrible. I've worked for decades to keep it in check and I just let it all out, screaming at a couple of rando Karens 20 feet away from anyone else who hadn't put their masks on yet. I had to acknowledge that this affected me profoundly. I'm dealing with that.

I've lost friends to COVID. One of my neighbors spent almost 3 months on a ventilator and survived it. Some of my friends have lost family. It hurts. It all hurts. It has changed me.

Some of you have noticed that I've been pretty productive in 2021 in terms of music, after not releasing material for over a decade. This whole experience has changed me, changed my perspective. I was already an angry liberal but I'm far angrier and much more liberal now than I was. The album I worked on forever essentially no longer exists. The person I am now couldn't make that album. I am excising demons and allowing the new to come in and take its place.

And you know what, so far, I'm okay. I'm still here. I intend to stay. In fact, what I intend to be the first song from my next album in its own way deals with the fact that I don't understand depression - I've never experienced it.

But I have to admit that I'm grateful to have family and friends in my life who accept me as I am, who provide unconditional love and support and I hope I do for them. I have the occasional doubt that I'm as good a friend/family member as I can be. I can be an ass sometimes.

(A couple of my long-time friends have just done spit-takes. "Sometimes????")

Because the scariest thing about what we've all been through - what I've been through - is that we have changed so much that I'm not sure that the people who know me best would be my friends if they met me as the person I am now. I am changed.

And the odds are pretty good that you have too. This is something we're all going to need to deal with, or we're lost.

Please, don't be lost.

And because it still needs doing, because the pandemic is still going strong as ever among the anti-vaxxers, the science deniers and the Republicans, please support our nurses. Here's the album I'm on that is still to this day, long after falling off the charts, raising money for them:

#Spotify

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ccinagalaxyfaraway · 4 years

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How do you feel about using songs as prompts? Because if you have nothing against them, do go listen song called War from The Poets of the Fall. Perhaps it will give you some kind of inspiration. To me it does but haven't been able to put it into words just yet.

Part 1

Plo wakes, and everything hurts. His nerves are raw. The galaxy is pressing in on him, every sound and sensation funneling directly to his tender mind. He lies still, waiting for the pain to fade a little before he tries to do something about it. He has other problems, more pressing ones to deal with - like whether his spectacular loss of control has destroyed anything that can’t be repaired. Already he can tell there is a tension in the Force, as though a hole has been torn into the fabric of the world.

He shifts, taking in the feel of gravel under his back, the ozone in the air, the slow return of sun as his fit of meteorological impertinence dissipates. The heat feels foreign, sitting heavy over his senses. He reaches through it, looking for the sparks of soul that he knows to be his men, and for one in particular that flares beside him.

When he opens his eyes, Wolffe is there. His posture is reserved, ready to react. He’s got his feet under him in case he needs to spring away, and he’s watching Plo with the same pensive consideration he uses on a the rare captive they take. He blinks slowly, adjusting to the light.

“Your eyes,” Wolffe says, and then stops. Plo squints at him. It’s too bright.

“What about them?”

“I thought they’d be - different,” says Wolffe. He backs away, giving Plo the room to sit up.

“Did I hurt anyone?” Plo asks. He scans their surroundings. The landscape is irrevocably changed; it feels dead, not a speck of green in sight, and the new canyon he’s created is a testament to the destructive force of his rage. There are still fires burning where he’d called lightning, with troopers doing their best to put them out before they can spread. He’s seen battlefields less ravaged.

“A few scrapes and bruises, and a lot of pride,” says Wolffe. “I’m not lying.”

“Am I so transparent?” Plo asks.

“I like to think I know you,” says Wolffe. What Plo hears is I don’t know if I do. He hangs his head. His dear Commander, ever honest.

He curls into a tight ball, drawing his knees to his chest. Everything hurts. Everything is an assault on his senses. He’s pulled too much on the Force and let his anger control him. He hasn’t done that in years. He’s put his Commander at risk, and his men, and the war effort. If it were any other time, any other situation, he could take time to regroup, find someone to talk to, debrief and unpack his feelings, but he is needed. They have to continue moving. He can’t slow them down for what is ultimately a crisis of faith.

Wolffe studies him. “You don’t seem different. I guess the way you Jedi talk about Falling, I expected something else.”

“I’m not Falling,” Plo scoffs. “I’m just -” What? Angry? Grieving? Burned? Or is he just empty, now that all of those have passed, and only the numb resignation to what the war is turning him into remains. “Unwell.”

He doesn’t have it in him to explain that he hasn’t abandoned his principles, that a single moment of overwhelming anger isn’t a condemnation, that the danger is in allowing it to fester and spread until it rules over him. He doesn’t have the energy to say that he too is a person and that Jedi are people and emotions are as normal for them as for anyone else. Sometimes it feels like the entire galaxy has forgotten and that no matter how loud he shouts, no one is listening.

He imagines himself with hairline fractures running through his core, ready to burst into shards with just the right provocation, damaged but not the right kind of damaged. There is nothing in him that was made for this life; exploring new worlds, yes, but not conquering them. Not ordering men to their deaths, not surviving while all his friends and family pass on, and not for so long. This is not a responsibility he had accepted so much as been handed, and it is crushing him under its weight.

He drags himself to his feet and has to swallow against the urge to bring up the water he’d managed to drink earlier. He’ll meditate. Later. Once they’ve stopped for the night and no one is around to see. Until then, he’ll just have to muddle through.

“Can I help?” Wolffe asks quietly, hesitantly, reaching out and stopping halfway. He’s scared. People get scared. It happens. It hurts anyway.

“No,” says Plo. “You really can’t.”

#plo koon #commander wolffe #swcw #promptfic #i think i see a part 3 to wrap this up #valkeakuulas

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whybaddecisions · 4 years

Text

To the one that got away:

It was winter when she first came to picture, I was just an ordinary guy that worked abroad didn't know what to do no goal, ambition, or even dreams if I can consider it, Was making money but I can't feel satisfaction while doing it soulless and partially lifeless in the process, before I came home I was in a long distance relationship with someone from France and everything worked out just fine but eventually we lacked personal intimacy, to the point that were not even trying to communicate with each other just went with our days without even saying "Hi" or "Good morning" to be honest I thought that she would be the one for me and I'll be the one for her, I was greatly mistaken to have thought that, because if u truly wish someone to be with you till your last breath it must have the right amount of perseverance, the strive to push forward and not to quit and fight! One day we came to an agreement that the thing we have isn't working out anymore, so we broke up decided to be friends, just like that in a snap of a finger she was gone and so am I.

I know that it's rough on both of us but on the other hand it felt that the chemistry wasn't there anymore so it's better to leave that be.

After a month I decided to focus more on my career first since I'm waiting for my agency to call and kick me out of the country again but with a new job on a cruise ship around Us and Europe, while waiting i knew that my brother knows a lot of people here in the Philippines that has a company related to my forte so I asked him

"Man do you know anyone in the industry looking for a waiter?"

He told me that there was one here in Batangas and she was a good friend of his.

"yeah I know a place just a 5 min drive from here"

So I was excited cuz I'm going to work my ass off and forget what has happened.

So there it was "TRICIA'S" name of the workplace my brother told me about, and on December 17, 2019 I started there as a waiter, it was an open house bar kinda rowdy but in a good way but damn do these kids party hard! My shift was from 4pm to 4am and it was messy as hell always but I had fun in the process.

Then that faithful day came to place, all the stars were aligned and the soothing falling of leaves was upon me, I didn't expect any less from that day than any day cause for me it was just goin to turn out as an ordinary day, but then u came and I saw you with my best friend. 🙏 well I couldn't care less at first if u talk to me or not, but the first time you shut me down is when you were passing by my side I thought that u are going to get a menu off the bar, and I was psyched and told myself "now's my chance to like give her the menu and make small talk" Then u said "No" off the bat cuz u were just going to grab that box of tissue, boo me assumer! Then I remembered u were with my best friend so time to show off I think? Like provide them with the best service possible, bring the drinks on time, food must be hot, bucket of ice must be full all the time, no delay in anything like to the fullest service a server can give them, after all was served I was shocked that u said Hi and Hi again and again complimented my cologne called me by my nickname which wasn't really needed, I was shy just making a grin of my mouth just to show her I'm not bothered, but I'm to the fullest extent cause I already asked for ur name, checked u out on Facebook through my best friend that's why I was shy.

The u guys left. And I asked my bff

"should I add her on FB? What ya think?"

She replied with so much enthusiasm

"Gooooo! Add her, she wants to be friends with you also"

And boom it hit me like the biggest meteorite just punched through earth, I was so overwhelmed and cannot wipe the smile of my face that morning.

I'm not normal I can say that proudly in a good way of course, but if someone overwhelmed already with the thought of his/her crush wanting for them to be friends and then out of nothing she says that do you want me to bring you coffee, that would be the most awesome thing that would happen to you, you'd probably be smiling for the whole day like legitimately smiling at everyone with the upmost feeling. For me coffee is sometimes is more important than people but for what she did LFU!!! And she brought me my coffee that morning and she insisted on bringing it , on that day she already got me.

Time passed and things were going accordingly, perfectly some bumps along the way, but we were happy and contended to what we had and a few dates, I remember on the night before Christmas I was supposed to give u your present and you stood me up because of a party your family held and I understood that situation of yours, kinda sulk tho that we didn't get to meet but one of my favorite memory is when you asked me out on a date and it was Christmas, you got to meet my parents also sorry if your hills was soaked in water cuz it was pouring heavily that day. We ate at "Romantic Baboy" a Korean restaurant with unlimited pork skin, chicken strips and cheese on the sides, and you know what's my favorite part of that particular day? Is when I took a picture of you smelling a rose and thought to myself that I don't want this to end may the universe hinder us from us but I'll fight with my last breath to preserve what we have and what else will happen. Then I fucked up.

Scribbled words, nauseated, anxious, crippled, out of way, bothered, stressed,fretful,fretting, disturbed, agitated, irritated, apprehensive, to the point that I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror so disgusted to what I did, execute me if the universe wants to, the feeling of overly doubting my self worth was inevitable, brought to me by my own decisions that messed me up entirely.

Wondering what happened haunts me in the most gruesome way possible. So here it goes, I lied to her big-time which I didn't know that it was possible since I did it already not multiple times but only ONE THAT GOT ME REAL FUCKED! Is when I received a message from my longtime best friend from way back as kids, 20 years to be exact . On the message she told me

"when are you going to show urself I haven't seen u in forever"

Then I was shocked cause normally she wouldn't Pm (Private Message) like that in the past, then I told her.

"one of these days when I'm not busy cause of work"

Then she asked about my love life and u were the first in my mind so I told her about you.

"there's this girl that I'm seeing, my other best friend introduced me to her and she already met my parents last Christmas then we ate outside and we had a great time"

That's what I said then I also told her to help me find a perfect present for you.

Then on December 27, 2019 I told you that I'll be visiting a long time friend with a kid and I didn't tell you if it was a girl or a boy cause I don't want you to get angry at me but then again I should've told you that in the first place. When I was there at her house since we were long time friends we had a great time also with the kid in the picture, happy and overwhelmed at the same time, then her mother came down gave me a hug and greeted me welcome home or back to the phil, cause she hasn't seen me for over 4 years I think. After the the greetings my best friend told her mom that I'm seeing someone which is you. Well I didn't expect that she would be sly about it and drop your name so casually, so I just came right through it and said yes I'm dating this girl and she's wonderful, but her mom told me that r u taking things way to fastly you just got out of a relationship, I told them that also I was off with someone before I met you. So after they told me not to deepen anything with anyone yet, assuring that I would not get hurt cause for them I'm family also, cause her dad was the godfather of my brother that's why our families was close still to this point they are.

Then the next day came I went again to her house because I was having fun playing with her son and missed talking to her a lot, because in the longest time I had a crush on her and knowing me I couldn't seal the deal from before, but this time I thought to myself maybe this is it when she'll notice the man i have become, and you passed my memory, in me saying that I'm dating this girl and why should I break her heart? Did u deserve to be treated that way Nooooo! In fuckin million years no! But I did anyways. Without even consenting my best friend, myself and most importantly God. I messed up 😭

So then it happened the happiest'sh and the worst'sh decision in my existence trampling over someone that didn't deserve any hardships cause you were the most beautiful soul ever seen. Yeah I misunderstood the fact that she'll replace you over and over again because of the thing we had in the past like 20 years of friendship over something that just happened recently was a very wrong thought to even deliver in a person's mouth crippling fear came over me I didn't know what to do my life was in chaos lost in the path, I part take wishing it all away silently murmuring to myself that if had the power to change it all I would, I was blinded really blinded by that stumbling and staggering in every situation possible, even with work I wasn't happy anymore so I left, it's not like me to leave unprofessionally but I did cause it broke me down to my core knowing that I did something to hurt the most, I don't know if it's faith that we met or just me knocking on the door of heaven praying and longing for someone to bump in my life and there you was. But I was too blinded by the fact that I thought that she'll be the one to save me but you were there standing without flinching and with the unyielding love that a human person can give to another and I wasted it all away. Knowing that we were supposed to go to an amusement park, and guess what? That Jan 3 was the day destiny punched me in the face for me to tell you what I got in stored deep inside the dark and deep corners of my heart which was hard to let it out, but I was willing to get out of my comfort zone, break boundaries and say what I really mean.

But then again it didn't happen because of me. But why is that I don't have a perfect checklist of good things in life and almost all of it is on the bad side, really looking inside I didn't have any intention of hurting you, but when I came to see you coming from manila was one of the blurriest decision I've made cause I was going to fix everything but was still blinded, so I did see you but what I said that day when we were inside the car was all true, you mean the world to me but how dumb can a human be maybe I'm the epitome of that, knowing her and thinking she was the one was greatly poor on my side, some people are worth suffering for and I'll suffer for you anytime of the day, week, year or anywhere.

Saying this honestly you are the one with a pure heart on the other hand she also has but like only in a normal state and I thought she was a diamond but day by day she turns to coal slowly breaking and burning me in the process I don't blame her for that but knowing her I didn't expect that a shallow river is bound to drop over me and drown me, because in your eyes I saw a girl swimming in a vast ocean with many things to look after but was calm about it, and composed in a way that anything can turn out good and without harms way. Simply saying that u r different really different in a good way of course.

The self realization made it clearer than the brightest day, clarity filled up inside,b the blindness was cured and I can see far from what I saw before straightforward only walking in one path never turning right or left staying on a pace that'll last, growing abundantly in each other's presence. point here is i really know that u are the perfect illustration a right decision

I hope and pray eventually time will get us to see and feel that something happens for a reason, it's not just the way it was given but on the way it ends and begins again, hoping,praying, begging, pleading, that when that time comes even if it's on a reciprocal I will greatly cherish it and give it as grace without asking for anything in return like a river splashing water on the ground with the little weed sprouting through time, it doesn't have to be the entire ground but the important parts only, perfect timing, right alignment of stars and even if the wind blows strongly or a single rain drop I'll always bring you close by my side and wanting you to stay beside me. I just wish in time we would see each other in our arms again.

And to the one that got away.

Looking back to those days we were so happy I really wanted to tell you how much you mean to me, and the simple things u did, like looking at me with those mesmerizing eyes and the captivating depth and clarity it shown, the way you cling was warmth beyond any parka or furred jacket I've worn before saying slowly while you hug me that you'll never let go. And the way you pull your hair back showing roaring waves but calms me up to the core while the strands of your hair graze my face tingles my curiosity to kiss you in the forehead. And I never felt an urge every time you kissed me on the cheek and while you ask me to kiss you back was the sweetest tune my ears can imagine like angelic figures playing the harp or something like that. And the way we used to drive with ur friends feels like ecstasy having fun and in a euphoric way, I like seeing you laugh a lot, curse a lot at people, things or anything cause im not finding any wrong in that, because that's who you are and what you represent. Also the times we had so much fun singing those songs you recommended me. And to this particular song which made me see you in whole different level, cause you were the first one who dedicated something for me, those giggles that both of us shared is more important the . The unparralled and unrequited feeling that those gestures are simply producing, but what I say is the manifestation of genuine love is you.

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