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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years

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God's Children (Fem!reader x The Seed Family, Part 5.)

Description: In the year 2018, a huge nuclear attack took place, having its epicenter on Hope County, Montana. All the people were supposed to be gone, but the reality turned around to be much different from that.

A/N: I enjoyed this chapter so fucking much. Also, I got a bit off the rails with this one - 4.6 K. I made an oopsie. And read the hashtags, I think I'm hilarious sometimes.

Warnings: Usage of the Bliss, the ceremony of being accepted into the cult - or at least when you're prominent. I think it would go just like that with any of their followers - just because they are mister puppeteers.

Tagging: @justanothergirlwithdemons

Read the rest here, babe: PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE PART FOUR

Masterlist: H E R E

Hope County, Montana, 2015:

In the year of living alongside John Seed, a lot of things have changed - whether changed inside of you or they were changing in front of your own eyes.

When you had the crazy idea of accepting John's proposal, you didn't believe that you will make it work. But it worked just naturally. You basically just moved to the big ranch which John has bought you, packing your life and things out of Georgia completely.

You went to visit your parents for the last time in a long time. Your father almost slapped you in affection when you told him straight to his face that you refuse to live under his rules anymore. You sat there as a proud, confident woman during his snap, watching him. Your mom was happy for you - she thought that you have found somebody to live along in this world.

Nothing inside of you told her, that the marriage wasn't for love. Yeah, John provided you with enough affection, with enough grand gestures, a huge and beautiful engagement ring, he was fully comfortable with you being a woman who just wanted their own life. He accepted it and even supported it. But that marriage was far from being a marriage of love.

For John, it was free accessible sex. Joseph refused to know that John is continuing in his sexual life and other activities which could actually kill him one day - so he gave him an ultimatum. He would not have sex or he would find someone to share this beautiful act with. So it was such good news for John when you accepted his proposal.

It also had a religious purpose, but John told you not to stress about any of that.

He was engaged, which was corresponding with what Joseph wanted for and from John, and it was suiting John as well. He was a lot calmer after that when he had someone who actually understanding and processing information his way. When he proposed you an idea, you didn't try to reason with him. You just said 'Don't you want to think this through again?' and 'Do we need to do all of this the hard way? Look at it from my point of view'. But you didn't tell him that he should not do the thing he wanted to do.

You did a number on the ranch too. Joseph sent you the first group of his followers and they helped you with making that ranch a home. It actually felt like home after two months, repainted the walls, moving in the new furniture.

John gave you a full upper hand upon that ranch - it was your work of making a home and you decided to focus on the 'redneck potential' as John called it. You chose an ideal kitchen for you, a huge dining room for John and your family if they would like to visit and a beautiful relaxation space serving also as a living room.

But you loved the gardens and your bedroom the most.

Outside of the house, you were working through the contracts upon owning the most of the Holland Valley. You loved that place and soon, with the help of Joseph's men, you repaired and opened up the places which brought another money to your bank account for buying and renovating other property. It just was a neverending cycle which made you happy.

You knew about the existence of camps for the men and women Joseph has recruited, you heard many calls between John and Joseph - but he never took you on a visit. You just knew that you and John had your place in a high place of the religion's hierarchy. And to say at least, you were pretty glad that nobody was taking you as a part of all of it.

Joseph Seed was a long-time mystery for you. You haven't seen that man for the first six months of your engagement to John. Then you invited him to have dinner with you and John on the ranch. You had some really nasty, weird vibes from that man.

Sure, Joseph was really charismatic, neat and even better with words than John, which you found almost unreal. When you wanted to greet him, instead of shaking hands, he gently grabbed your face and kissed your forehead. You were scared of him at first, but as the evening passed, you turned to like that man, leaning to your palm and drinking wine as he spoke to you like no one else existed at that moment. John was not pleased with you liking his older brother as much as you did. You laughed it off and told John that he's only being jealous - which lead to a whole night of fucking that jealousy away.

But something about Joseph made you think about him when you didn't control your mind for a moment.

The longer you stayed in their slowly growing religion, you noticed some funky business going on. Slowly, you started to have patrols around your ranch - the people of Fall's End started to notice you more and more as you continued with buying more and more property. Sure, Hope Country was as prosperous as not in a long time, but something about you felt itchy. They started to notice you, to watch you, they were cutting you off. But Joseph's patrols were just weird. Like if someone put a spell on them. They were tuned off of the word around, like if the reality didn't even fucking exist around them.

Also, you started to see Joseph regularly. You noticed a strange habit of him having always a girl by his side whom he called 'Faith', but every time you came to see him again, there was a new one.

One night, it was when the cold fall finally came to Hope County, you found a girl knocking at your ranch's door. She was freezing and clearly drugged. You noticed that she's a junkie - veins on her left hand were swollen and slightly violet. But as soon as you opened up the door, she just flat out fell inside. To her bad luck, Joseph was staying at your ranch that night and he was mesmerized by the girl.

Rachel. Some Rachel Jessop, as she introduced her when she had finally woken up. Joseph was mesmerized by her, he called her a siren as soon as she opened up her eyes. Both of the Seeds were just taken away by her - which made you jealous as fuck, honestly. She was the center of their attention and affection for a few weeks and you felt like a fifth wheel, whether John told you not to be too passionate about the new Faith.

Occasionally, everything went back to normal as Joseph decided that Faith will show her full potential in the region of Henbane River. She looked healthier and better than when she knocked on your door. You never found your way to approach that girl not you even tried to.

When talking about the Seed siblings, just as you continue your negotiations, they continue to search for the last member of the family. Jacob. His name was Jacob. And that was when John fully used his silver tongue and the surname 'Duncan'. They found him eventually - and from what you learned from files you were able to read behind the other brother's back. He was a soldier and ended up in a Veteran's center and jail, you learned. That was fucking wild.

Because there was no other place for Jacob, he was staying over at your place. You could basically feel your energy on your skin - his looks were empty and his body was hollow from the inside. Jacob was spaced out sometimes for a whole day and when the night came, he just got up and went to sleep. After those long nights, you usually found him sitting on the sofa again, spacing off to the garden.

One brother, your fiancé John, was a bomb which could just blow up at any minute - his eyes were constantly full of anger and by the time, he started to have bad days. The second one, soldier Jacob, was a hollow shell of his former persona. The last one, Joseph, was sometimes acting like a weirdo and a psycho in one person, sometimes he didn't talk all week, sometimes he only talked about God, sometimes it felt like he was... Trying to flirt with you subtly. And the last one, Faith, was constantly in a state of bliss. They were fucking odd at times.

The Seeds. That was who you were as well. Some other Seed.

As time passed, Joseph made you and John coming to his sermons every time some of them were occurring. You were practically forced to be there even if you weren't interested in it at all. Joseph was almost strangely attached to you coming to his sermons - he made you sit in the first row and his look was following you as he spoke.

You knew that a lot of things he was saying were flat out bullshit. They didn't make any sense. But the way Joseph spoke, that was the shit. He was passionate, charismatic. He made you feel like you belonged right on the seat where you sit. He knew how to make a person feel special, how to make them feel relaxed to be actually open to the possibility that any of his bullshit is real.

One day, John came home. Everything looked right, you've cooked dinner and talked Jacob to eat at least three forks before he spaced out and ghosted through the ranch's fields. But that was pretty normal when you were speaking about Jake.

But John made you freak out. You grew to like him, he was your closest person in Hope County. You started to worry about him, you were used to him and you were looking after him, when he was working too much, you just blew him under the desk, which made him usually go to bed. You knew how to approach John Seed.

So when he entered the ranch with a fucking blood bath happening on his chest, your face went from smiling to pale in a matter of seconds. You loved John's tattoos. He had a load of them and it made him hot. You bit them every time he tried to fuck you through the mattress. But that wasn't a tattoo. He knew how to tattoo himself - you felt that something happened.

He had a problem even with walking to the sofa.

"Baby?" - You asked him and your voice trembled. - "Johnny, baby, what's wrong?" - You went after him, just as he laid down on his back. He wasn't talking to you at all, so you slowly peeled the shirt out of his chest. And you almost thew up on the spot.

Somebody craved the name of the deadly sins into the chest of your fiancé. He had a deep, bleeding cut right in the middle of his fucking chest. Your fingers started to shake as you traced around the wound. In shock you finally saw that he has not only one sin on his body - another was craved on his right hip. You were shocked to say at least.

Without any hesitation, you got up on your legs, got some alcohol and gazes to clean John up at least a bit. He was silent and just watched the ceiling as you cried and cleaned his wound. You were fucking scared out of your own mind. And he was just... Lying there. His body was out of order and his mind was miles away from you.

Then, when you basically have torn the shirt out of his body and cleaned both of his new masterpieces. You put your sobbing face on his thighs, closed your eyes and you just waited for your John to come of that state.

You sat there for hours, sometimes you sat into the big, plushy armchair next to the sofa John was on. He fell asleep at about two a.m. at night, that's when you took a small nap as well. Then, you woke up at five a.m. and made yourself just coffee. Jacob was up as well, he was going for a small walk again. You smiled at him and almost had a heart attack when he smiled back at you. That day was wild.

John came back to consciousness back at seven a.m. when he tried to turn on his side. That's when the pain hit him, almost opening his wound even if you patched him up.

"Baby, baby, Johnny. I'm here." - You immediately fell flat on your knees next to his head and you tugged some fallen our hair back to its place. He looked at you with visible confusion before he remembered who you actually are. He caught your cheek with his palm just so be could focus on your face.

"Y/N, I have great news for you." - He smiled and leaned to kiss you. You gently kissed him back Your eyes teared up again as you traced your fingers on his neck, his collarbones, chest, and belly, letting your hand rest next to the lust, another deadly sin craved into his skin. - "Last night, I finally came to peace with my sins. I have atoned to Got and he forgave me all that I have done."

"You had an atonement? I'm glad that you feel free, baby, but who did something as fucked up like this to you?" - You leaned your forehead on his shoulder and began to cry. He hugged the back of your head with his forearm and you accepted it with grace.

"I started it. It brought me such peace I've never felt in my life before. Joseph helped me to finish it because I demanded it. I wanted it." - He sighed dreamily and looked back on the ceiling. You froze up. He has done that shit to himself. He fucking craved words into his own skin. - "This way will cleanse the world. I need them to see. Through pain, through seeing your own sins on your body, you can actually feel God's grace." - He chuckled and you slowly sat and crawled back into your armchair. That was a lot to take in. Almost too fucking much.

You exhaled loudly, covering your mouth and closed your eyes. You cried again.

"I want you to be clean as well, dove." - He took your hand to his to made you look at him.

"Do you want to hurt me?" - You made his palm falling from yours. - "Do you want to hurt me like that?" - You asked and John opened up his eyes widely. He exhaled as well and chuckled.

"I won't do this to you if you confess to you sins voluntarily and without resistance." - John smiled at you. You had such a pretty face when your eyes were tearing up and your cheeks reddened. You were beautiful. He had no idea how lucky be was when he has such a woman who worried about his bratty angry ass.

"Is it necessary?" - You caught his hand again, playing with his fingers.

"If you want to stay here with me and become my wife, it's rather necessary. If you would like to stay here with us, Joseph wants you to do it." - John kissed your hand. - "We need to give our followers a proper example. What start would be better with Joseph's heralds? It's important. We will do you a small ceremony, nothing too brutal. I wouldn't hurt you. Don't you trust me?"

So you were just told that you will need to proceed with your commitment to Joseph and to John, to the religion. And you were expected to listen. So you listened.

The sermon and ceremony were planned on the same night. John surprised you when he bought you a tight, white dress and ordered one of the followers to braid your hair and to braid in some daisies. When John drove to the church, you looked like a doll. Your legs were prolonged with white high heels and the dress made you appear so innocent. You wouldn't say that looking like a saint makes John smile and happy, rendering joy.

The church members embraced you with great love and respect - they were using your full name with such a heavenly grace, they say kissed your knuckles and pressed your fingers to their forehead. They, either men or women, complimented on your appearance in great words and especially talked about their shared happiness with your engagement.

You and John formed the Royal couple of Joseph's church. Everybody was just over their heels with the surprisingly fast approach of your wedding. So to be exact, you were glad that you finally sat on the bench. Listening to Joseph's sermon was harder than ever because you knew what is happening after that. And you knew that they even talked Jacob and Faith into that bullshit. But Faith was strangely enthusiastic about the atonement.

So you were brain-dead and scared for your life when the sermon ended and everyone got up and went in the direction of the river. You were actually the last one sitting at the bench with tears falling out of your eyes. Those were tears of fear.

"God won't let you get hurt, my child." - You heard Joseph's kind, quiet words and you snapped back to the present moment.

"How can you be so sure? What if I'm a sinner and this whole thing will not go well? I'm scared, Joseph." - His hand dropped on your shoulder, so you hugged with yours it gently, leaning your cheek to that touch.

"I am so sure because I got the chance to know your soul. John talks about you a lot as well. There were two major sins present in your life, but you'll get better once you will confess to them, I swear. Trust me, come with me, and I will lead you to Eden's Gate." - Joseph leaned down to kiss your forehead.

That's how the man spoke to you all the time. He just knew what tone he should use, how fast he should speak to you - Joseph just knew you like the back of his hand. And you just went along with buying his games.

So you leaned into that touch, closed your eyes and gently hugged his palms with your fingers. You could feel as he stood up, but you didn't want him just to end that touch. So you were standing up as well, until you stood in front of each other, looking into the other's eyes, while you still held his hands on your face.

"Are you ready to go now?" - Joseph asked gently and you, after a long while of thinking, just nodded. He offered you his elbow, like a father leading his daughter through the aisle and you simply accepted, your nails practically craving into his forearm. You noticed that he has some new scars - just like your beloved John had.

But you were now the most privileged at the moment - the father himself lead you to your atonement. You were the first to go - of course. The Baptist's fiancée needed to go first. To serve as an example.

Everybody was saying your name, they were cheering for you, the looked so happy at that moment that you ran out of words. Maybe that was a thing that needed to happen. Maybe it will make you feel better in the end. You know, closer to God, closer to the cleanness Joseph wanted you to feel.

John was standing in water, thighs deep. He was smiling at you and Joseph - so you smiled back and nodded at him. You knew that you can somehow count on that man. After all, he truly was everything you had at that moment.

You felt everyone looking at your very own back with their piercing gazes, their eyes full of expectations. You could hear Joseph speaking, but you only concentrate on your fiancé in the water, slowly walking to him, your hands finding his in the ice-cold water.

“Are you ready to confess, accept and cleanse your sins, my dear?” - He asked you in a smooth, loving voice. You were sure that none of their followers can hear you, that was only your moment.

“I am ready in the Lord's and Joseph's name. I am fully willing to accept the weight of my sins, darling.” - You answered quietly. He proudly nodded, one of his followers brought him some sort of a scarf over his shoulders and a book. The Word of Joseph it was.

“Let your atonement begin then, my love.” - He smiled at you. As John practically shouted the 'holy' words, a thought flashed your mind. Were you doing the right thing or not? Those words were sounding very like an egomaniac and like the words of madness. You tried to shake it out of your head, but it was still there as John's men poured some sparkly fluid into the water around you and his thumb delicately baptized your forehead.

“Our sister is ready to confess all of her sins!” - He turned you to the crowd and they were cheering up for you.

“Are you admitting that you're guilty of two deadly sins?” - John asked you loudly, and you nodded. The fluid in on your face was making you insanely numb to everything around you. You had a problem with standing up straight, but the world around you was so beautiful all of a sudden. You saw every contour of Joseph's smiling face, Faith looked like a fairy and John was illuminated by low light. That was the Lord?

Maybe you've done everything right. There was nothing you could've done wrong. No. Now you were perfectly sure, everything felt so obvious suddenly. This was God's plan, definitely. You would swear on your very own life. It was clearer than a blue sky. This was the place you were destined to be. By John's side, you were made to be a part of the family.

You couldn't hear almost anything John was telling you. At least until his voice became louder and more melodic as he started to shout.

"Do you atone to carrying the sins of lust and pride in your heart? Do you?" - He yelled at you, holding your face in his palms firmly. You nodded, but that wasn't enough for him. - "Say it, my love. Say it out loud, so everyone can hear you."

"Yes. Yes I atone to be rotten inside, I atone to carry those sins deep in my very own heart, but I want to be clean. I atone to those sins and I want to be cleansed." - You shouted for your dear life because you felt as he lowered you down to the water. They drugged you, obviously. You were scared so much you wanted to cry your eyes out. You thought that he wanted to drown you alive. And you never felt more intense fear in your whole life.

"May the Lord have mercy with your soul. Let the cleansing begin." - He whispered and pushed you under the water surface. You still saw him illuminated by the light, but blurry by the water in your eyes.

This was your cleansing - he craved the sins into his own skin and this was the atonement you deserved to be cleansed in God's eyes. The first half of a minute was good, your lungs still had air in them. But he held you underwater longer and longer. He held you there so long that your consciousness started to face away and your body started to tremble. John was basically drowning you in the river in front of almost fifty of witnesses and nobody said shit to him.

They saw every second as a holy act. They saw the tensing of your body as something so sacred and beautiful that nobody dared to even say something to stop John and save you. He pulled you out of the water just seconds before you would pass out.

The world seemed even more perfect than ever before. You were on a thing that others just called the bliss. Local drug. The world and the people around you were I'm front of you just as God made them, perfect and flawless. Everything was in glitter, calm purple and shining.

"Sisters and brothers, may I introduce you to the newest addition to my four horsemen who will protect all of you, who will look after my flock and take care of you when the Collapse comes. The last piece to our puzzle, the last Herald who will look after the Holland Valley. Welcome, sister Y/N to our family." - Joseph said to everyone when a few men hide you behind their back so you could puke out the water inside of your lungs and in your stomach.

You felt like there's more and more to puke, your stomach felt like it was floating. The Bliss was harming you; it may have calmed you down a bit and changed your perception of the world around you, but it made you feel sick and John felt as you trembled in his arms. He knew he has to take you home before you puke in front of everybody.

"From this day, my beautiful sister will take care of perfecting our choir." - Joseph kissed your forehead and smiled at you. - "Will you accept this privilege, my dear sister?"

"Yes. Yes, I will gladly." - You mumbled with nodding. You were too out of reality to even know what was going on. You just felt as John lead you to the car and when nobody saw you, you finally puked behind the trunk of his black SUV. Your make-up was smudged all over your face, your dress was soggy and you were freezing, but you stood there and puked everything out, including the dinner you got before you and John took off the ranch.

"I'm not feeling well, baby, I'm not feeling well." - You pulled all your bodyweight into the trunk so you won't fall on the ground.

"That's all right. I felt the same when I craved the sins into my body and I accepted the fact that my soul was cleansed." - John grabbed your shoulders and lead you to the passenger's seat. - "Your body was just freed from the sin and it's feeling so light that you feel you have to get all of it out of your body. You're a herald now and I will take care of you."

You couldn't see that their tactics are the cruelest under the sun. They drugged you, they lied to you and they made you believe those lies. But you couldn't tell that you're puking, because the formula of bliss still wasn't perfect and they basically were only testing the last brew on you. But it made sense in your head - you were cleansed. And accepted.

Even if it was just one big lie.

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writinanon · 6 years

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Young Love

In this one Rook had a husband, the lovely David, and though they divorced they retain feelings for each other. David is a sweet, gentle loving man. He’s gonna get eaten alive by the Seeds.

Rook and David had gotten married when they were teenagers, young and believing they knew everything about life. They tried to make it work for several years but found themselves in different places and quietly divorced but agreed to remain friends.

The Resistance of Hope County and Project Eden’s Gate were at a tentative truce because there were hellish monsters eating people in the night. These monsters weren’t part of Joseph’s Collapse and they were killing indiscriminately making them a problem for everyone. Rook and some of the Whitetails had managed to free a group that was taken by the monsters. Among them was her ex-husband.

“So, you got taken by monsters? I always thought the Cult got you.” She muttered as she was patching him up at the Station. Faith and Joseph flickered on the fringes, helping the Peggies that had been freed with the others. David laughed.

“Just my luck, right? There’s a crazy cult and I get nabbed by monsters.” He grabbed her hand and looked at her. “Thanks for saving me. Again.”

“That’s two you owe me, kid.” She teased, feeling heat rushing into her face. He grinned back at her and rubbed his thumb across her knuckles.

“Deputy could you lend a hand? We need to reset the bone in his leg and Jacob isn’t here to help hold him down.” Faith called cheerfully and Rook sighed, gently pulling her hands free.

“Duty calls.” She sighed and gave him one last smile before settling beside Faith to help poor man that had his leg broken.

Rook chuckled softly as some of the children gathered around her listening to her retellings of Fairytales and magic.

“Are you gonna be the Knight that saves Lady Faith, Ms. Deputy?” One of the little girls asked.

“Uh…”

“No way she and Lord John are gonna be together ‘member? He said he gots the church all ready for her.”

“That wasn’t exactly…”

“No way she should marry Mr. Jacob because he’s big and strong and he can protect Ms. Deputy!”

“I think the Father and Ms. Deputy should be married ‘cause he loves her and just wants to make her happy. He says so all the time.” They continued to argue over who she should marry when one of them suddenly looked up.

“Why don’t you just marry them all?”

“Yeah! We can marry you to Father Joseph and Lord John and Lady Faith and Mr. Jacob! Then you can stay with us forever!”

“Let’s go ask Father Joseph if we can marry him to Ms. Deputy!” They rushed off while she was still frozen in place.

“What just happened?”

“It looks like you just got yourself engaged to a bunch of crazy cult leaders via children.” David muttered and she jumped.

“Jesus! Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“Sorry.” He smiled sheepishly. “You wanna get outta here for a bit? I found this little pond not too far away and there’s still a whole afternoon’s worth of daylight. Not that I’m scared. I’ll be in the sacred protection of Ms. Deputy.” He pointed at her with finger guns.

“Ass.” She shoved his shoulder but followed after him. It would be nice to have some breathing room other than Jerome’s church.

David was used to watching Rook, she really was a sight to behold. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Even when covered in blood and arguing about going back into the nest to try to get the other hunters, that had a few months earlier been trying to kill/capture her, and save them. Pratt, Grace, Jacob, and the Sheriff weren’t budging on the matter calling it a suicide mission. This did not put her in a good mood. He knew she’d need time to cool off and almost reached out to stop Faith and John as they tried to follow her but she was quick to snap at them.

“I don’t feel like being drugged or drowned. Why don’t you fuck off and go pretend you want to save people somewhere else?” She hissed before turning on her heel sharply and storming off.

“Mark me down as horny and scared.” Sharky muttered.

“When she’s upset you gotta let her be mad for a while. Or she’ll bite your head off.” David sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

Rook stomped into the river, dove under, and screamed. She surfaced, took a gulp of air, and dove back to scream again. She surfaced again and slapped the water around her. Once she’d tired herself out she slunk back to the river bank and settled into the field. She ignored the fact that Joseph had followed her and witnessed this act of childishness. She ignored everything but her frustration over the fact that there were people she couldn’t help, people she couldn’t save. She panted and glared at the horizon.

“Your anger is justified.” She listened to him shuffle closer and sit next to her. “However, we cannot afford to lose you.”

“I’m not worth any more then they are.” Her voice was rough, her throat hurt. She half wanted to scream again but didn’t.

“You are worth very much.” She glanced at him and then flopped backward onto the grass.

“Why are you so hellbent on saving me?”

“The Lord works in mysterious ways.” He hummed and started to sing softly. Rook huffed and threw her arm across her eyes and felt her anger slowly loosening its grip. Joseph’s voice was stupidly pleasant to listen to.

Rook was enjoying a quiet night not out on patrol, she was forced to relax by Jess and Adelaide with Grace dragging her to the Spread Eagle. She wouldn’t actually drink enough to full on impair herself, but she had a pleasant buzz, enough that she let John sit next to her and didn’t antagonize him deliberately. She was a touch worried that the more time she spent in the company of the Seeds the more she started to like them.

“And with the Power of Yes so many doors open.”

“Oh my god.” She laughed softly. “John that is like a very sick version of one of David’s marriage proposals please tell me you haven’t been asking for tips? I never actually said yes to any of his proposals; I was the one who asked him when the time came.” He blinked at her and she took a drink of her ale and shook her head.

“Wait a second David ain’t lyin’? You were really married?” Sharky announced loudly.

“Say it a little louder Sharky, I don’t think the whole county heard you.” He grinned and sucked in a breath, but Adelaide shoved a moon pie in his mouth while smiling brightly at Rook.

“Now I know you know better than to ask a lady about her ex’s honey.” She glanced at him frostily. “Shame about it though, you and David are cute together. He seems like the perfect domestic housewife.”

“David is a good guy.” She looked at the last dregs of her drink and shrugged. “We were better friends at the time.”

“And now?” John’s voice was very controlled, it put Rook on high alert she looked over at him warily.

“As of right now I don’t have time for a relationship with anyone. Monsters to fight and a County to Liberate.”

“When this little rebellion is over then.” He smiled at her, they were nose to nose. “After you get the courage to say yes.”

“John if I ever say yes it won’t be willingly. I’ll never give you the satisfaction.”

“We’ll see now won’t we Deputy?”

“Can you two just fuck already? This weird tension is giving me an awkward boner.” Sharky had eaten himself free. Rook reeled back from John’s space and blamed the heat in her cheeks on the alcohol she’d consumed before getting up.

“Well I’m leaving before this gets any more uncomfortable.” She announced and speed walked out the door.

David found Staci with Jacob and Rook. He wondered if he should be concerned that the Deputy was constantly half a step behind Rook or Jacob, he was never without one of them. He wondered how he was going to get him to go see the doctor when he was spotted. Jacob’s piercing blue eyes zeroed in on him and he tried not to shiver. The utter disgust and disapproval in his stare was unnerving and David had to wonder what he did to earn that reaction from the Soldier. Luckily Rook took notice of him and grinned waving from where they were standing. A Judge and Boomer were cuddling on the ground next to their respective masters.

“Yo.” She called and he waved back.

“Hey you guys mind if I borrow Staci? Doc says he hasn’t been in for his checkup.” Staci’s eyes widened and he looked nervously from Jacob to Rook and back.

“Actually I haven’t seen Doc Brown in a while either, mind if I join you?” Staci relaxed a bit but kept his back ramrod straight.

“Please tell me you’re not going to make references to cheesy ‘80’s movies the whole time?” He teased.

“Nah only like four fifths of the time.” She smirked. “Mind watching Boomer for me Dave? Don’t want him getting a makeover.” She shot Jacob a look and he grinned at her.

“You can always teach an old dog new tricks.”

“I’d rather he not run around with a red cross on his face and without his tail. How else is he supposed to show he enjoys ripping a gun out of a Peggie’s hands and bringing it back to me?” She smirked before turning on her heel and Staci fell into step with her. “Thanks David!”

“I didn’t agree to this!”

“You’re the best! Please don’t murder him!” She yelled back and David had a feeling she wasn’t talking to him for half of that. He glanced back at Jacob and was once more having a death glare sent his way. Once Rook and Staci had completely disappeared down the hallway Jacob finally spoke.

“The Strong don’t mate with the Weak.” He said ominously. “My Deputy doesn’t need any more Weakness than I already allow.” Before David could reply Jacob whistled and headed off with the Judge following him. Boomer stayed beside David but looked sad that his cuddle partner had left them.

“Rook is in trouble boy.” He confided to the dog, resolving to talk to her about this once she wrapped up with the doctor.

Rook was leaning back in Jacob’s chair reading something while Staci was being examined by Dr. Brown, who only shared a name with the character since she was a young woman in her forties and not a crazy man in his fifties, actual medical doctor not a half-cracked scientist that was right.

“Peaches ain’t bit the Doc yet?”

“I haven’t heard any screams so progress.” She glanced up at Jacob as he stood in the doorway. “From your lack of gore I take it David is still alive. Thanks.” She looked back down at the book in her hands.

“For now the Weak like him have a purpose.” He stepped into his office and edged around his desk to stand behind her. Her shoulders tensed and she was watching him out of the corner of her eye.

“Oh yeah? And what is that exactly?”

“Cannon fodder for the Strong.” He leaned over her and she shallowed her breathing and kept still. “You shouldn’t let Weakness like that distract you Pup.”

“According to you I am Weak.” She spat his words back at him. “Besides David has me to be strong for him.” She turned and glared at him defiantly.

“You have Weakness, but you aren’t Weak. There’ll be no need to Cull you once this is over. But if you want to keep playing this game I can show you who is stronger.” They continued to stare at each other until there was a yelp from down the hall. “Sound like Peaches finally snapped.” She sighed and stood but wasn’t able to leave until he allowed her to. She frowned at him and he smirked at her before letting her pass to rescue the doctor.

David caught up with Rook as she was heading to Faith’s Bunker to check in on the children and make sure that their food levels were still holding steady.

“Hey can we talk?” He asked, not really having it be a question but knowing better than to try and corner her in confrontation.

“Sure walk with me.” She motioned him to follow her. “What’s up?”

“So I think that Jacob Seed is obsessed with you.”

“I’m aware.”

“You’re a – seriously? This doesn’t bother you at all?”

“What am I supposed to do about it? We need all the capable allies we can get right now and afterward I’ll go back to trying to arrest them.”

“Rook the more you’re around them the more you’re in danger.”

“What would you have me do David? Stop fighting? Stop trying to free Hope? I can’t walk away from my home.”

“What the hell is the Sheriff doing? Or that Marshall? Shouldn’t they call for the FBI or the National Guard? Why does it have to be you?”

“Because no one else was strong enough, no one else managed to escape!” They stopped and were staring at each other. “Look I get it that this is all new to you and it freaks you out up I’m not going to stop fighting for Hope and I’m not going to turn away good help in our time of need, even if it means I have to suck up my pride.”

“And when Jacob decides you’re too nice, too weak, and turns on you? What then?” David felt tears in his eyes and he knew he shouldn’t get in her space, but he couldn’t help it. Rook was putting her life in danger and he couldn’t stand it. He could never stand to watch her think so little of herself. “I love you. I can’t bare to watch you get killed for the good of others.” Her angry eyes vanished and she stared at him in shock.

“David?” She whispered softly. They were so close to each other.

“Deputy!” Faith’s voice rang out and then she was latching herself to Rook’s arm. “When you weren’t on time we were getting worried.” The children that Faith had, the orphans of the county, circled around them and effectively created a barrier between them.

“Sorry we got caught up in conversation.”

“Oh? Is it serious? If you’re nervous I could help you walk the Path, David. The Father’s Wisdom reveals all and will help you settle.”

“No thanks.” Faith smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Later then? I’m sure Joseph would love to have you among the Flock.” It sounded like a threat. David faintly realized it was a threat. Rook growled softly and glared at Faith.

“Leave him alone.” Faith giggled and snuggled closer to Rook’s side.

“When all the Monsters are gone we’ll talk more about Bliss and the Path.” She assured and tugged Rook away. David frowned but followed. He wasn’t going to abandon her and he was more than willing to fight for the woman he loved. Even if it was against two of the Seeds.

#far cry 5 #oc david #he's a sweet marshmallow #i didn't anticipate liking him and now I want them to end up together and get away help #these are parts one and two combine because I'm slowly getting the hand of this I think

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exmormonmusings · 7 years

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My journey out of Mormonism

Here goes, first original post from me. I would like to start this blog off by giving you some background. When I left the LDS church, I was 13 years old and it wasn’t exactly my decision. I had been happily lds my whole life, my parents were raised lds and as far as I knew everyone in my extended family was lds except a few random cousins. My major goals in life were to do good in school and better in church so that I could have a fulfilling, well-balanced life, spiritually and physically. I wanted to go on a mission after graduating high school because I thought it would make everyone proud and I reveled in the thought that I could bring people into the truth and save their souls. I loved young womens and girls camp and I had done baptisms for the dead with my cousin. When my ward went on trek, I was only 11 and was the youngest to go as my birthday was the day before the cutoff. I paid my tithing, didn’t swear, and made sure to surround myself with good mormon friends. I was pretty much your textbook, cookie-cutter mormon teenager.

The summer after seventh grade, I noticed a few things that should’ve tipped me off that something was wrong. First of all was that my dad would always leave church early, usually right after sacrament meeting. My mom made the excuse that he just needed to get something to eat and with my dad being a type one diabetic, I believed her. I did think it was weird that he hadn’t had this problem before but I just justified it by saying that maybe it was because we switched to a later church time. Besides, I couldn’t really complain because my dad leaving early always meant that lunch was ready right when we got home. The second thing that happened was that I overheard my parents watching a show at night that talked about joseph smith being a liar, a deceiver and a blasphemer. This really shocked me for a moment and I thought “is my dad struggling with his testimony?” But, being the solid-faithed mormon that I was, I decided that I would just have to help him out. So I started looking through the book of mormon for scriptures confirming joseph smith’s validity. Not seriously though as I figured that sacrament meeting talks and other church activities would set him straight eventually. However, a few nights later me and a couple of my siblings saw my dad wearing actual underwear to bed instead of his garments. I know it sounds really silly but it scared us. It hadn’t happened before. After asking him about it, he got kind of angry and told us not to worry about it. I tried to comfort my siblings and myself that maybe his garments had holes in them and he was in the process of getting new ones, and it worked. I tried to ignore the feeling that something was off and thus remained, for the most part, happily oblivious to the revelation that would change my life forever.

Finally, one Sunday in July, two weeks after my thirteenth birthday, it happened. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first.We went to church, dad went home early. At church, my Sunday school teachers asked a question: had our parents borne their testimonies to us recently. They asked us to raise our hands if our parents had borne their testimonies to us in the last week. A couple hands. The last month. Couple more hands. The last year. Every hand except mine went up. I thought about it and I realized that they hadn’t. Everyone turned to look at me but my teachers quickly said that’s ok, that means this is a great opportunity for you to ask them to. But I couldn’t get it out of my head. I realized I hadn’t heard my parents speak positively about the church or get up in sacrament meeting talks or anything like that for quite some time. When church was over, my mom seemed really...deflated. Nervous, sad, just...not herself. She told us she had something to tell us when we got home. I got a really bad feeling but I tried to shake it off. When we got home my mom called us in for a family meeting. My sister Kayla, ten at the time, wanted to change out of her church clothes first but my mom said we needed to do this now. I thought that someone had died. And in a way, I guess they did. But we all sat down, all seven of us. My parents, me(13), Kayla(10), Alayna (8 and recently baptized), Carly(5-6) and Nicolai (3-4). My mom tried to talk first but she ended up crying. I really thought that someone had died. One of my mom’s sisters or brothers, maybe my grandparents...I didn’t know but it seemed like my mom was having a really hard time with it. But then my dad asked us if we had noticed anything weird recently. Suddenly all the things I mentioned before flooded back to me but I didn’t want to mention any of them in case they made my dad angry, especially about overhearing my dad watch that show. So I just shook my head. My siblings didn’t either. My dad’s voice broke when he said “no? none of you?”. And that’s when I knew something was seriously very wrong. I think I knew what was coming for a long time but my brain wouldn’t let me think about it. Then they said the words. “We don’t think the church is true anymore.” This all may seem very over dramatic to you reading this but I can’t even convey how much this changed my life. I never would’ve thought we’d leave, never could’ve imagined all the lies and horrors wrapped up behind my “one true church”. Those words put me in shock. I started crying without really being aware of what was going on. I tried to fight it, tried to keep convincing myself that the church was true but all the doubts and unanswered questions I had over the years all came back to me and I just broke. Most of my siblings were too young to really understand what this meant and Kayla tried to get us to stop crying by making jokes. “At least we wont have to wear these awful clothes anymore” “Hey, now we don’t have to listen to people talk and be hungry for three hours!”. My parents told us that if we wanted to keep going to church they wouldn’t stop us but they also wouldn’t come with us if we went. I considered continuing to go for a while but I was scared people would ask me why my parents didn’t come anymore or judge me because my parents left. I also decided I needed to hear what made my parents leave first. After I heard what they said, I didn’t feel the need to go to church anymore.

The summer after was mostly filled with questions. Did this mean I could drink coffee, did this mean God didn’t exist, did this mean that we were bad people now? It turned out that a couple of my aunts and uncles on my mom’s side had been out of the church for a while and they started the chain reaction that led to my parents leaving. The rest of the summer wasn’t that bad. It was starting school again that really made things hard.

I think I’ll end this post here though, if you want to hear more about my journey and experiences out of mormonism, follow me or comment. If not, thanks for reading and I hope I didn’t bore you. If you have any questions for me or suggestions on what you’d like to see me post, feel free to ask/leave them. Until next time,

Maryn

#exmormon #truth

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