Tumgik
#oluo x reader
Note
Hi!!! I was wondering if you could do like a headcanon for the vets and og levi squad if they had like a suicidal s/o. I love your blog btw!
Hey - thank you so much! I realise this came into my inbox a long time ago and then I wasn't writing anything. But with NaNoWriMo I'm picking up a few old requests and wanted to write this one.
Firstly – CW/TW for mentions of suicidal thoughts.
These will be a bit repetitive because as always I think the vets and O/G Levi Squad would all be incredibly supportive in their own way. They would all want to do what they could within their power and while respecting their s/o’s wishes, to help. They would be sensitive, they would all also want their s/o to get professional help, whether seeing a doctor, councillor, nurse, private therapist. It would very much be the first thing they would discuss with their S/O, to check whether they were already seeing someone and how it’s going, or if not to see if they could research who would be best to speak to. Mostly all of them would be happy to accompany their S/O to appointments but equally respect boundaries if their S/O would rather go alone.
They would be there to ensure appointments aren’t missed and any medication or practises such as daily diary updates, affirmations etc. also are adhered to – though this will be managed sensitively and without pressure.
I wrote the above because this is such an important and very sensitive topic and one that as a lot of you know, I am very familiar with. I didn’t want to type the same thing for each of the characters so the above is there to read first before the below – it is also there as a reminder to anyone who may need to hear it.
I’m always here to listen if you need someone to vent to, but if you need help, please reach out to your doctor/physician etc. and/or family and friends that you trust.
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Erwin
He understands that being suicidal doesn’t mean their s/o wants to die or not be here anymore and rather that it means they’re just very tired, exhausted by the mental pain they are in and Erwin will do everything within his power to comfort them and talk things through. He understands the importance of not getting emotional himself and keeping the conversation going, being rational and calm where possible.
Erwin would want to ensure that he could keep an eye on his s/o if they didn’t live together, suggesting they either take some time away together (in a perfect au reality where he isn’t commander of the survey corps!) otherwise he will suggest you move in with him for a little while just so he’s there for you in the darkest moments.
He would remove things that his s/o could potentially use to harm themselves with but he wouldn’t make a big thing out of it, announce he was doing it or do it when his s/o could see. This would be very intentional so that his s/o didn’t think a big deal was being made or get angry at the response, rather it is a tactical decision from Erwin to protect his s/o subtly.
Mike
Mike knows something is up, he can sense it – there’s a smell to sadness like autumn leaves in rain. Like rot and damp – but he won’t say it for the fear it’ll sound like he’s romanticising it. But he’s got good intuition when it comes to others emptions.
He doesn’t like euphemisms and would rather address the issue straight up, not in a way that’s blunt or unkind. But his s/o is too important to him to beat around the bush. Equally he won’t push his s/o into talking, but he does take it very seriously and needs his s/o to know he’s there for them.
Asks his s/o if it gets too much to please tell him, they don’t even have to speak and can just sit in silence if needed. Mike will encourage going on small walks with him to get fresh air and eating/drinking even if it’s just small amounts frequently, perhaps cooking up a batch of favourite soup so that it isn’t over-whelming for his s/o and certainly isn’t forced.
Encourages baby steps, if their s/o doesn’t feel like doing day to day tasks or small acts of self care he will help but then encourage them to do something for themselves. For example he may brush their hair and then say, “Doesn’t that feel better, how about we brush our teeth together to tick off our morning routine.”
He’ll give them a journal with a few drawings he’s done to make them smile but also so they have somewhere to keep track of how they’re feeling and what makes things better and what makes things worse.
Hanji
Would hate that their s/o felt like this but also would understand, they too have felt the pull when things get too much. Hanji is very protective so would do what they could in their power to help their s/o and be as supportive as possible.
Their way of helping is to provide distraction – whether it’s to involve their s/o in their work and research or to take them for a few days out or perhaps to see a play. Hanji will however avoid large crowds or large groups of friends and be very careful not to do anything too over-whelming, perhaps checking with their s/o what they’d like to do first. If their s/o didn’t want to go anywhere Hanji would force or push going out, but after a few days they would try to gently encourage them to get some fresh air together and go for a change of scenery that may offer a different point of view.
Won’t go to sleep until their s/o is asleep so that Hanji can watch them, scratch their back, stroke their hair, sing, talk…whatever their s/o needs to drift off into a peaceful sleep hopefully free from nightmares. For Hanji they also need this, they need to know that they’re helping somehow, and they need to know their s/o is safe, going to sleep first is not an obtain.
Nanaba
“Oh my love…” Nanaba is so incredibly soft and kind, it breaks her heart knowing how much this is hurting her s/o but she does everything she can to remain composed and strong for them. She doesn’t get emotional or make it about her.
She’ll go a bit over board with buying things to help, from self help books (which after reading a few pages she kind of hates and so hides them), their s/o’s favourite food, drinks, lots of vitamins, books, flowers. She hates feeling helpless but wants her s/o to know they’re not alone.
Very good at late night chats, perhaps out and about, perhaps in the bath. Nanaba will listen without interruption. She wants to know what’s going on in her s/o’s mind and if there’s anything she can do to help. She wants to understand where this has come from, what the triggers are and what can be done to avoid them.
If there’s anything that needs removing from their room/house etc. Anything that makes her s/o feel sad or scared, Nanaba is there to quietly remove them at night and instead replace the objects with things that are nicer and more comforting.
Levi
In many respects Levi doesn’t quite understand and it’s for two reasons, partly because as a person he’s incredibly matter of fact and stoic as a way of life. And partly because he’s fought so hard to survive, after everything he’s been through it’s incomprehensible at first how anyone could want to purposefully end it. But. Levi is intelligent and aware of others and the difficulties, challenges and heartaches that exist – especially when it comes to his S/O. So he will be patient, he will remain calm and not express his initial reaction with his s/o as he wouldn’t want them to feel their feelings were invalid, wrong etc.
If his s/o isn’t up to cleaning or sorting out mundane tasks of course Levi will be there to help out and ensure everything is sparkling and like new. But he also buys a few things that make the cleaning easier and comes up with solutions to help his s/o get through day to day tasks for themselves – reminding them everything they do is an achievement.
Levi can be particularly quiet at times but turns out this is exactly what his s/o will need. Just someone to listen and not react to everything that’s being said. Someone quiet who can hold their hand if they need it and be by their side through it all.
Levi loves being outside and the fresh air – a long horse trek with snacks, tea, lots of healthy mood boosting foods are in order and so he plans a nice trip away for the two of them, hoping this may somehow brighten his s/o’s mood and remind them of the beautiful places in the world. The small things, the simple things and help them believe everything will be okay in the end.
Moblit
This will break him, initially he’ll be asking himself what he did wrong and what he could do better to make his s/o not want to end their life anymore or feel this way. But Moblit is pretty quick to pick himself up from this and realise it isn’t about him and that it is not an individual’s fault. As difficult as it is and as supportive as he will be, he has to remind himself and potentially his s/o depending on their behaviour – that he is not in control of this.
He’ll want to get to the bottom of why his s/o feels like this in a way that sometimes can be a little over-bearing or even intrusive. He doesn’t mean it to be, he’s just certain if he knows what is causing it he can help fix it. Due to his work with Hanji he’s become accustomed to experiments, cause and effect and coming up with solutions. Not to say that his s/o and their mental health is a problem that needs to be solved, he loves his s/o and just wants to use the skills he’s gained to help them where possible.
Will definitely take things easy in terms of the relationship and won’t push for anything physical or romantic if his s/o isn’t in the mood. But will ensure there are lots of sweet, small daily interactions to let them know he is there for them and that he loves them. He needs them to know he is here standing by as and when the support is required.
Will bring back small gifts like flowers, a favourite cake, drinks, a new book his s/o has been talking about. He will also change bedsheets, open windows – especially if the cleaning aspect is something he can do with his s/o rather than just for them. He wants them to feel useful and like they don’t just need looking after all the time.
Oluo
He’ll struggle a lot with this, Oluo isn’t always the easiest person to talk to at first but as mentioned before, once you open up to him or see the softer side he is incredibly caring. The way he behaves, and mimics Levi comes from a place of insecurity.
He’d probably hold his s/o for a long time and cry a little himself, trying to hold back the tears and instead be there for his s/o. But he doesn’t find this as easy as some of the vets do and once his own emotions come out it’s hard to put them back in. But boy does Oluo try and manages pretty well after the initial shock.
Really doesn’t want to be alone again, it means so much to him that he’s found a partner who understands him. He immediately feels selfish after thinking this and probably putting his foot in it by saying it out loud.
Makes big gestures to let his s/o know how much they mean to him – but only privately and realises doing this in public isn’t going to help. Most of all he just wants to know if there is anything he can do to help even if that means giving them a little space, he is happy to step back when needed.
Would perhaps ask Levi for advice and help seek recommendations for a professional that his s/o could see, would make an appointment with their permission and encourage them.
Eld
Eld would manage to stay incredibly calm when he finds out how his s/o is feeling, mostly because he knows this is not the time to over-react or make it about him. Instead he’d want to listen, he may make some notes but it’s for his eyes only and so he can reflect on them later.
Will make sure his s/o stays really hydrated and will bring them water and other favourite non-alcoholic drinks.
Distractions are good but only for a short time, Eld would rather focus on the small every day things that really make a difference, encouraging his s/o and just being there when they need to talk or cry. Is also really good at giving hugs.
Petra
When Petra finds out how her s/o has been feeling she’ll think it’s best if the two of them talk away from things that represent day to day life. Instead, she’ll take her s/o somewhere quiet and peaceful where they won’t be disturbed or distracted. Petra
She’ll encourage her s/o to see someone professional to talk through how they’re feeling and to come up with ideas to help process their feelings, emotions and what they’re going through. If there is anything Petra can do to be more helpful, or any small things she can change regarding her behaviour etc. she will want to know and aim to be the best she can for them – while also taking reasonable breaks for her own mental health.
Sometimes Petra is simply the best person to just hang out with and say nothing, it’s in these silences her s/o finds a lot of comfort. It’s never awkward and there’s no expectations either. It’ll give her s/o plenty of time to think through what they’re feeling and when they’re ready they can talk – until then Petra is happy just to hold them, stroke their hair or just sit quietly reading a book so their s/o has company but it isn’t smothering.
Gunther
Gunther gets it – the world he and his s/o live in has not been kind and sometimes it’s a truly scary place to be. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t upset him and make him wish he could do something to help, not realising that just being there for his s/o is help enough.
He’s a great listener and won’t be distracted by anything else, rather Gunther is committed to hearing what is troubling his s/o and coming up with some positive actions they can take.
He would remove anything from their home that could harm his s/o or inspire any further negative thoughts, anything triggering, anything they could use to harm themselves.
At night he’d go through some positive affirmations with his s/o and talk about all the things they have to look forward to – not in a ‘don’t do this you have so much to live for’ kind of way, but a general day to day conversation. He’s really looking forward to someone’s birthday or that he’s planned for them.
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violet-fluff · 4 months
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💙 Levi x Injured! Reader
Stay Awake
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You were originally part of Hanji’s squad, but with your excellent 3D maneuvering skills, Erwin had you switched over to Levi’s squad as they need only the best on the front lines.
You and Levi were already good friends as you both trained with each other during your youth time in the scouts. Now that you are with him twenty-four seven on his squad though, the both of you have become inseparable.
“You two might as well just hook up.” Oluo sneered as he drinks from his water pouch.
Petra squeezes the bottom of the pouch, causing water to rapidly spurt into Oluo’s mouth, making him choke. “Stop being stupid, and don’t talk dirty about your Captain and squad mates.”
You laugh but continue to pour hot water into two tea cups. Before bed, you and Levi liked to chat over tea. “Thanks, Petra. And for your information Oluo, Levi and I are just great friends. We’ve known each other since you were still a child most likely.”
“How romantic. The perfect beginning to a beautiful love story.” Gunther chimes in jokingly causing Eld to cover his grin.
You roll your eyes and finish fixing up your tea tray. “Well I’m headed out for the night. Goodnight everyone.”
“Don’t forget to add that love potion in his tea.” Gunther shouts, causing Petra to yell at him and the rest of your snickering squad.
“These guys are too much.” You whisper to yourself, half annoyed and half tender as you still love these bozos to death.
Making it to Levi’s office, you notice his door cracked open. A small quirk Levi does so you can easily open the door with your foot while holding the teas.
You swivel the door open with your foot and smile as Levi looks up at you from his desk. “It’s about time you got here.”
“Sorry,” You say and place the tray down on his desk, “I got caught up with Oluo and the other two being idiots again. Petra helped me cut it short.”
“Hm,” Levi grunts and starts to fix his tea, “What were they being stupid about?”
You blush and look down to fix your own. “Nothing. Just stupid guy talk I guess.”
Levi watches your face go red from embarrassment. “If they said anything stupid to you I’ll beat their asses.”
You laugh softly. “Don’t worry about it. Anyway, are you ready for tomorrow? You should get some sleep tonight.”
Levi huffs and looks down at his blue print. “We have the perfect formation down. Everything should go fine if everyone sticks to it.”
“And by everyone, you mean Erwin?” You ask while eyeing him from the rim of the tea cup as you take a sip.
“That bastard better not change anything last minute out on the field this time. He nearly got Hanji’s squad killed.” Levi grimaces on the memory.
“I’m sure with the earful he heard from both you and Hanji, he won’t do it again.”
Levi clicks his tongue. “I hope so. Is your 3D gear back from the shop yet? I can get you a new one.”
You wave him off as you lean back in the chair. “No it’s ok. Keep the new ones brand new. I’m sure mine will be done by tomorrow. I don’t think it needs that much fixing anyway.”
“It doesn’t need that much fixing?” Levi asks with a raised brow. “Your grapple wouldn’t shoot out a few times. It nearly caused you to fall.”
Levi was always protective over you. When you opted to get your gear fixed instead of replaced, he didn’t like the idea very much.
“The trigger is just faulty, not completely broken. It probably just needs to be rewired.”
He clicks his tongue. “You’re testing that shit out once you get it back. I don’t care if everyone has to wait.”
You smile but agree to ease his mind.
——
The next morning everyone is suiting up and gathering their horses when a cadet comes and brings you your gear.
“Y/N, right? The technician had to take another job, so he told me to bring you your fixed gear.” They say while handing you the bulking metal.
“Oh! Perfect!” You thank the cadet and strap the gear to your harness, but freeze when you hear someone clear their throat behind you.
You turn around to see Levi with his arms crossed and you roll your eyes. “Yes, I know the drill…”
The two of you walk towards a tree line and you position yourself to a tree farther away. Turning on the gas cans, you pull the trigger and your grapple shoots out to latch on the tree, pulling you to it. “It works!” You shout to Levi with a thumbs up.
He stares at you, still skeptical as his gut doesn’t have the best feeling, but if he saw with his own eyes your gear working correctly then there should be nothing to worry about.
—-
The mission starts to finally come to an end after a grueling six hours. You all need to clear the designated areas outside of the walls as the government wanted to expand the outer notch of Wall Maria.
In the distance, you see an abnormal titan.
“Ahh, the last titan of the day.” Oluo yawns.
You shoot a red flare in the air, signaling to Hanji’s squad a mile behind you that there is an abnormal ahead.
“Y/N and I will handle this one. The rest of you lay behind.” Levi orders as you two snap at your horses to run faster.
“I’ll get its attention as you cut the nape?”
Levi nods. “Sounds like a plan.”
You stand on your horse and shoot your 3D gear into a nearby tree and fly past the abnormal. It quickly swings its arm at you, but you wrap around the tree and dodge it’s first attempt.
“Wow it’s fast.” You say to yourself and you hover in the air for a second.
It swings at you a second time so you quickly push on your trigger to shoot out another grapple, but the trigger stalls.
You anxiously push on the trigger more as you start falling, and your eyes widen as you see a giant arm in your vision. You scream when you feel it impact with your body and you go flying into a tree before falling and hitting the ground.
You were conscious enough to feel one, maybe more, of your limbs twist and the pressure of yourself hitting the ground making your ears ring before seeing black.
“Oh my god! Y/N!!”
“Petra! Don’t touch her!”
You are able to faintly hear your friends next to you, causing you to muster up enough strength to barely open one eye and fuzzily watch as they loom over you.
Petra has tears coming out of her eyes as Oluo holds her back.
“Captain! Don’t!” You hear Eld yell.
Suddenly, you feel the upper half of your body being lifted and your arms falling back behind you as you don’t have the strength to move them. Someone grabs your face and turns your head towards them.
It’s Levi.
You can barely make out his face.
“God-dammit! Look at me!” He says through gritted teeth, shaking your face with his hand. “Say something!”
Hanji’s squad catches up and she jumps off her horse before it even stops. “Hey!? What happened?!”
Levi is still holding your body tightly against him and trying to shake you awake. “She won’t get up!”
Hanji notices Levi is in a great state of distress, and notices the back of your head wet with blood.
She slowly kneels down next to Levi and squeezes his shoulder. “Levi, let’s put her down for a second, ok? I’ll…I’ll help her.”
Levi looks down at your disheveled face but nods and slowly lowers you back to the ground.
All of your senses are blurry and fuzzy, but you feel someone open your eye more and then force the other one to open for a split second before letting it close again.
“Her pupils are different sizes. I’m sure she just has a concussion. A bad one, but something she can heal from.”
Hanji has Moblit wrap your head in a bandage while she examines the rest of your body. “She has a broken arm and a sprained ankle. I’m not sure if her ribs are fractured. That’s something I’ll have to check back at base.”
Levi was seething with rage. “That idiot technician was supposed to fix her gear. I want him fucking dead.”
“Let’s not get too hasty right now, Levi. Let’s make sure Y/N is taken care of first.” Hanji says as she tries to calm him down.
You senses start to come back a little more as you start waking up from your black out and you hear Levi yelling.
“L-Lev…” You try to mutter out his name.
Levi quickly hovers back over you. “Y/N? Can you look at me?”
You weakly open your other eye slowly and see Levi in double vision.
“That’s good. I need you to stay awake.” He orders you.
“Hurt…” You squeak out.
Levi sighs. “I know, but we’re taking you home, ok?”
While Hanji was checking you over earlier, Gunther shot a black flare signaling a formation was down. This causes an emergency team to come assess the situation and they bring along a wagon of supplies.
They would use this wagon to haul you back to base as a horse would be too bumpy of a ride.
Levi sits in the wagon, holding you across his lap and talks with you to try to keep you awake.
“Hanji said you’re not allowed to sleep with a concussion, brat, so stay awake for me.” He orders as he moves hair out of your face.
“What…happen?” You try to ask but the more you start waking up, the more dizzy your head feels.
“Don’t worry about that right now.”
All you wanted to do was take a long nap. You start to close your eyes and drift off when you were snapped back as Levi shook your cheek a bit.
“Hey, I said stay awake. Why don’t you tell me what you use for my tea. You never told me.” He asks to try to keep you busy.
“The tea…I put lavender…” You tell him.
He furrows his brows. “Just lavender? Is that a secret ingredient?”
You manage to give a tiny smile. “Yes.”
—-
A few days pass by and you are now fully awake but still admitted in the medical clinic on base.
“When can I leave?” You huff at Levi.
“When the doctor says you can.” He scolds.
The doctor said you had quite the concussion and wants to monitor you for a few days. Along with the concussion, you went through the pain of them trying to realign your broken leg and wrap your sprained ankle. Luckily your ribs weren’t fractured but you did develop deep bruising all over your body.
“Don’t make a fuss about leaving. You’ll be bed ridden in your room anyway.” Levi says.
You roll your eyes. “But I’d rather be bed ridden in the comfort of my room than in the medical clinic.” You grab his hand. “Levi…you don’t need to stress anymore. I’m fine.”
He scoffs. “How can I not stress when some idiot technician didn’t do his job. He almost got you killed. How can I even trust the others?”
The technician that was supposed to fix your gear forgot to, and instead of saying so, he lied and said the gear was fixed. In his head, corps members going outside the walls were as good as dead anyway.
He was promptly fired…after getting a major ass whooping from Levi.
You frown as well as scrunch your eyebrows in anger. “Kiss me.”
Levi’s eyes widened as he stared at you in silence. “What did you say?”
You grunt and hold your arm as you sit up more. “I almost died without telling my feelings for you. Since I’m still alive, I want to tell you them. But first, I want you to kiss me.”
Levi stared at you longer, contemplating what to do in his head, before he leans forward and puts his lips against yours. You sigh contently against his lips as you grab a hold of the front of his shirt, and he grabs the back of your neck to deepen the kiss.
After a few moments, you feel Levi’s lips quiver and a wetness on his cheek.
Levi pulls away and leans his forehead against yours. “I thought you were going to die.” He chokes out, tears falling down his cheeks.
You wipe away his tears and hold his face. “Well I didn’t. I’m here with you and I’ll always stay by you. I live for you.”
Levi smiles and kisses you again. “I live for you too.”
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amywritesthings · 4 months
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a silver truce in snow. / a levi holiday ficlet
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pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin) word count: 1.8k summary: Snow is a mythical thing in the Underground City. Now, on a Scout mission, you get to experience the real deal. Naturally that means starting a snowball fight with Levi Ackerman - but make it horny. tags: 18+ MINORS DNI! pre-aot, explicit language, snowball fight, secret relationship, kisses, power/authority kinks, sexual tension, implied sexual content, touch-starved idiots, friends to lovers, fluff w/a little slutty note: set in the universe of silver underground credit: dividers by @saradika
welcome to the fourth day of the twelve days of amymas 2023 !!
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Snow was such a bitch.
Beautiful, something people in the Underground City would never get to see in the flesh, but such a bitch.
Carrying the last of the supplies up the mountain yourself towards the rendezvous cabin had been one hell of a choice.
Captain Levi was explicit about trudging on foot and leaving the horses behind, so it was up to the team to meet with the rest of the Scouts waiting with Erwin.
It's not a competition to get there, but of course it's a competition to get there before Oluo — not that beating him is hard to do.
Petra and the others are eons ahead, likely already nestled inside tonight's shelter. You move slower, somewhere between a purposeful and accidental pace.
Because it's snow. Real, tangible snow.
At first you were excited to see the flurry, experience the cold, for yourself — snow was just a fairytale in smuggled books for the kids in the Underground City.
Now?
Now you’re sinking one foot into another pile of snow, and you’re really over the novelty.
(You can’t remember the last time you felt your fingers in these mittens.)
“Tired already?”
A voice calls to you from the top of the hill, and the snow beneath your feet illuminates.
Your cold-worn chin lifts to the sudden array of light: Levi Ackerman stands over you, nose pink from the chill and brow quirked with interest.
The fire from the lanterns illuminating the cabin create a halo effect behind his emerald Scout hood.
His words are meant to be a jab, but you know what he’s really saying:
Sorry I couldn’t help.
Helping signals favoritism.
Favoritism would sell you out — to Erwin, to Hange, to the team — in five seconds flat.
(You could — and have — argued that most of the squad already has an idea. Forever bound to the cards held to his chest, Levi insists keeping your secrets to yourselves.)
“And you’re not?” you ask in an exhausted huff.
“I can carry supplies double my weight,” he replies in that playful monotone, “unlike someone I know.”
“Oh?” You exhale again. “You calling me weak, Ackerman?”
“I’m not the one out of breath, am I?”
Levi retorts in jest, a ghost of a smirk on his lips.
Well, then — if that’s how he’s going to be.
“You might wanna check on Oluo,” you add, taking one last step to land on flatter earth. You wipe the sweat off of your forehead with the back of your mitten and drop the supply bag to the ground. “I think I lost him down the hill.”
“He’ll make it up the mountain eventually,” Levi reassures, relieving the second sack off of your hands.
You relent, not willing to spoil the moment by pointing out that this can be considered helping.
“He’s all the way down the hill?”
He tosses the sack to the cabin’s stoop, then bends to remove the first supply bag from the snow. He tosses that, too, and fully turns to greet you.
His cheeks are equally pink from the cold, and you can't stop staring.
(It's adorable. He'd hate being called adorable.)
"Yeah," you nod.
Levi trudges through the snow towards you.
“All the way?”
"Yeah, why?" you repeat with confusion.
You see where it’s going as soon as he crosses the threshold into your orbit.
"And, Lieutenant, in your best estimation," Levi continues, feigning professionalism, "it will take at least ten minutes for Oluo to reach the Scout cabin?" 
A smile grows on your face, careful yet delighted.
“Fifteen minutes, Captain, at the very least.”
Your body is compelled forward when Levi loops an arm around your waist, dragging you to him.
The laugh on the tip of your tongue dies when he presses a freezing kiss to your lips.
It's risky, but you're so glad he's willing to take it.
When it comes to expeditions, your lives are a simple mosaic of stolen kisses and phantom touches. Alone time is impossible when you’re traveling on the road.
(Except it's just usually you who makes the first move.)
The dark-haired man sighs, breath hot in comparison to his lips, when you return the kiss with equal passion.
He turns his head to deepen the stolen kiss, eager for a moment — only a moment — where he can have you.
Everything feels warmer in this small pocket of two.
Emboldened by his spontaneity, you flick his lower lip with your tongue.
Without fail, Levi makes a noise of want.
His fingers under his gloves squeeze your side for foundation.
( Maybe tonight, if you’re quiet.)
Except you had your own plans.
Surely he'll veto a midnight tryst at your childish desires, but what you're about to do to ruin the moment was decided upon well before this surprise kiss.
Somewhere around the time of Levi leaving everyone else in the snowy dust and now, Gunther had taught you about things kids on the surface did when it snowed.
Build snowmen.
Make snow angels.
Snowballs, though... a packed little ball of snow, ready to launch at a moment's notice.
A fight.
Levi Ackerman was so focused on the two bags over your right shoulder that he never saw the traveling ball you'd made while climbing the mountain.
A sizeable weapon, not wholly round but resembling enough of what Gunther showed you on the road.
And now he's focused on the kiss that he doesn’t see your arm rise—
Slowly, without detection—
Abruptly you pull away, sliding back to create space.
His eyes belated flutter open, lips pursed in warmth by the kiss — then explode wide when he sees a glob of white.
Bam.
It's a successful first throw.
Levi stumbles, sputtering and wiping his cheeks and chin with gusto.
"James—!"
You back up with a laugh to the gray sky, all too proud of your accomplishment.
It’s a full belly laugh, giddy with childlike excitement that you managed to pull that off.
"That's what you get for going way ahead of the rest of us, Ackerman."
The hair framing his face is dipping with water, pout palpable.
He looks like a human-sized cat, sopping and annoyed.
“You little shit,” he growls, but it’s not out of anger.
It's determination.
He bends at the knees to gather snow into his gloves with quick precision, leaving you little time to run backwards.
“Where’re you going?” he calls. "What, you thought you'd get one hit and win?"
"Levi!" you shriek when he throws the first snowball.
Humanity’s Strongest doesn’t miss.
His snowball lands against your white trousers, wetting the fabric.
You use the hem of your cloak to try and protect yourself from the inevitable war you’ve started.
“I’m sorry!” you exclaim, unable to stop laughing.
(Clearly not sorry enough, since you reach down to start making up a sphere in retaliation.)
“Uh-huh,” he huffs, doing the same. “Should’ve thought that one through before you threw snow in my face.”
“You had us walk up a hill!” you call to him, and he holds up another snowball as a threat.
You continue sliding backwards, doing your best to quickly compact a ball.
You fail, miserably.
“So now my Lieutenant complains?” Levi asks, and a fire ignites in your belly.
You’ll never get over him calling you his. 
(Mine, he whispers in your ear at night when your wrists are pinned over your head, one crossed over another, as his other hand holds your chin in place. Levi has to make sure your eyes are on him and only him when he enters you, slow and deliberate, to witness your eyes flutter from the stretch. You’re mine.)
He throws another.
It hits you square in the chest.
Every time you throw another pathetic little snowball back at him, the dark-haired man easily dodges the attack.
He’s agile, focused, as he steps closer and closer.
You yelp again when you manage to finally dodge a fluffy puck coming right for your face.
Your hands shoot high, parallel to your head, to surrender.
“Truce!”
Levi squints, making up another snowball.
“A truce? I don’t think you get to call one.”
You take a leap of faith, dropping to your knees in the heavy snowfall.
Your clothes are going to be soaked right through, but you don’t care.
The look in Levi’s eyes when he realizes you’re giving up in this fashion is enough to make the chill running up your body worth it.
He nears, snowball in hand.
You lift your chin, your gaze meeting stern gray eyes.
You have to pray those cabin windows are as frosted on the inside as they look on the outside, but Levi blocks you from view as he stands directly in front of you.
“What are your terms and conditions, Lieutenant?” he asks, voice heady.
He rips the mitten off by his teeth, ripping it clear off of his free hand.
A pale hand reaches for your chin, thumb pressed against the center of your lower lip.
You don’t move, hot in the face from sudden arousal.
“I—”
His thumb glides along your frozen mouth, back and forth, allowing you time to contemplate your answer.
Nothing comes to mind.
You’re too focused by how warm the digit feels against your weather-worn skin.
“Speechless?” he mocks. “That’s unlike you.”
When you fail to speak again, Levi leans down to whisper in your ear.
“We can call a truce for now, but this? Isn’t over.”
All the air escapes your lungs when his lips press a gentle, open-mouthed kiss to your earlobe.
“Meet me at midnight, my door. We'll draw up a peace treaty, but on my terms."
That kiss turns into a nibble, and you make a small nose of desire.
Levi's voice is an octave deeper.
"Is that understood?”
If it wasn't so cold, you'd fuck him in this damn snow storm.
Unable to help yourself, you turn your chin and give a kitten lick to his jawline.
“Yes, sir,” you mock in return.
You’ve only ever called him sir to grate his nerves.
Now isn’t any different.
He pulls away.
"Good."
Opening his other gloved palm, Levi makes a point to show the readied snowball — only to drop it back to the pillowy earth below.
"I won't tolerate lateness."
Before he turns, you see it:
A grin, gone as fast as it appears, on his lips.
You can't help but grin yourself, heart racing at the night that lay ahead.
Yeah.
This fight isn't over.
And you'll gladly take the punishment that fits the crime.
.
313 notes · View notes
roseofdarknessblog · 4 months
Text
Long way ahead (Postwar!Levi Ackerman x Reader)
Word count: 3 160
Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes
Summary: After years of fear, pain, and fighting, you and Levi finally have the family both of you always dreamed about.
This story can be read on its own or as a part of my little post-war series: Learn to live again
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Long way ahead
The day was beautiful, and the weather almost too perfect. The sky was clear and the sun was shining down on you. On all the Scouts, who once again found themselves outside the Walls in Titan territory. It was supposed to be a so-called training mission.
Everybody was meant to survive and come back home.
It was all going so well. Just until it wasn't. Just until the Female Titan showed up and brought death and destruction with her. In one moment, you were all trying to protect Eren. Petra was right next to you and Eld right in front of you. Oluo and Gunther to your left and behind you. And in the middle, between all of you, was Eren.
You all changed the formation multiple times, just like you were taught. Everybody was as aware of their surroundings as possible. Nobody wanted to die.
Despite that, they were all gone in a blink of an eye. Your squadmates were brutally murdered right before your eyes. Just seconds before the Female Titan threw you against the tree as well.
You didn't even have time to scream out. When your body collided with the tree trunk, pain took your ability to speak and breathe. It felt as if all of your bones broke at the same moment. Shooting out at least one of the hooks of your ODM gear was impossible. You were barely conscious after you hit the tree.
You didn't even notice your body falling. Only when you hit the ground and the air was knocked out of your lungs once again. You didn't even know how, but one of your blades, which was in your hands just seconds ago, went into your left thigh. Hot blood was spilling out of your wound, turning your white pants dark red.
You've never felt pain like that before. Never in your life. Every fiber of your being felt like on fire. Breathing was unbelievably hard. Even the shaking of the ground beneath you, as the Female Titan continued running made you feel immense pain.
What happened to Eren?
Where was he?
You and the others were supposed to protect him. He was humanity's chance to defeat the Titans.
Eren had to survive at any cost.
Eren...
A simple blink was all it took for the scenery around you to change. Suddenly, you weren't in the forest anymore. When you looked up, you saw the sky once again. And Levi with Hange. They were kneeling beside you, both of them looking at you with so much worry in their eyes. Levi... his features were unrecognizable under all the fear. His face was completely pale, his lips pressed into a thin line.
You've never seen him this scared. Never before. And probably never after.
„Don't you dare!“ he hissed through gritted teeth, his hand gently stroking strands of hair away from your face. „I don't want to be alone again,“ Levi whispered, making sure nobody heard him. Except Hange, who was trying to slow down the bleeding from the wound on your thigh.
„Sorry...“ you got out, almost choking on the blood you suddenly needed to spit out from your mouth. Levi swiftly turned you on your side to help, making you cry out in pain so loud even your own ears hurt.
Levi leaned closer to you, rubbing your back while you were coughing and spitting out blood onto the ground in front of you. „I'm taking you back home and when you'll be able to walk again, we're getting married,“ he whispered, not caring if Hange heard what he said.
You were barely able to stay conscious and make out what he was saying. Keeping your eyes open was too tiring, too painful. Everything hurt so much, even the feeling of the wind on your cheeks. Despite that, you found Levi's hand and gave him a small nod.
When Hange moved a little, their body shielding you from the rest of the Scouts, Levi bent down even closer and pressed his lips to your temple. You smiled at him ever so slightly, feeling your eyes closing against your will.
His beautiful face was the last thing you saw. His silky black hair and stormy blue-grey eyes. The way he was looking at you as if he was trying to engrave the picture of your face into his brain.
After your eyes opened again, you were back inside the Walls. Lying on a wagon right next to Eren. Your hand was shaking when you reached out towards him. But before you could touch his shoulder, Eren looked in your direction with eyes full of tears. You didn't understand why he was crying but you were simply too weak to ask.
And just like that, he was gone when you blinked. You woke up somewhere else once again – on the skeletal back of the Founding Titan, that was headed straight at Fort Salta. Many different variations of the Nine Titans were all around you. Your comrades were fighting against them.
Just when you heard someone call your name in the distance, a familiar crying noise stole your attention. You weren't in pain anymore, but standing up and actually walking was somehow still not possible. All you could do was look around and search for where the crying was coming from.
It sounded like... like a baby.
„Y/N!“ someone called your name once again. However, all you were able to care about, was the baby. Where was it? And why? Why did somebody bring a baby to a place like this? „Y/N!“
You looked over your shoulder once again, finally finding the crying little human. A black-haired baby in a pastel yellow blanket with sunflowers was in the arms of a blonde girl. She couldn't be much older than ten or eleven. Around her stood a bunch of Titans you've never seen in your life. Three different versions of the War Hammer, one Jaw Titan, and something that was supposed to represent the Beast Titan.
The baby in her arms was... yours.
When you wanted to say something, talk to the girl... to Ymir... you couldn't get a word out. You couldn't scream when she started walking away, taking your daughter with her and commanding the Titans to finish you off.
You couldn't draw your blades, because you suddenly didn't have them. Nor your ODM gear. All you could do was scream after Ymir even if no sound came out of your mouth. You screamed and screamed until your lungs felt like on fire and until the Titans got to you.
At that moment, you finally woke up. Gasping for air, you sat up and looked around yourself, almost immediately hearing the soft cries of a newborn baby. In the dim light of your bedroom, Levi was sitting on his side of the bed, looking at you with concern written all over his face.
„I tried waking you up but...“ he shook his head, looking down at the little black-haired baby wrapped in a pastel yellow blanket with sunflowers. „Wanna talk about it?“
„No... no, better not,“ you got out, trying to slow down your breathing. Your whole body was trembling from the still to realistic nightmare, as you moved closer to Levi and looked at your daughter. „She's hungry again?“
„Probably. I changed her diaper and tried rocking her back to sleep but it seems like she needs you,“ Levi said, his expression softening immediately as his lips pressed a loving kiss to the baby's forehead.
„Okay, fine. I'll feed her, you can go back to sleep.“
He shook his head, waiting for you to make yourself more comfortable. Only then did he carefully hand you the tiny, not even two-week-old newborn baby. Such an ordinary thing helped you calm down completely and return to reality. The weight and warmth of your baby in your arms and against your chest.
She was here – safe and alive. With you and Levi, her parents.
No Titans.
No Founder Ymir.
Nothing and nobody from your previous life, only you three.
„I'll stay up with the two of you,“ Levi said and kissed your forehead as well.
So while you nursed the baby, Levi kept you company. Even if he only sat there in silence, listening to the soft whispers addressed to your daughter in a hushed and sweet voice. Upon seeing her and Levi, all remains of the nightmare disappeared.
Nothing was real... not anymore.
Titans were gone and you survived.
When Levi's squad died because of Annie, you did not. You became the only survivor of that encounter, even if you made it out alive by a whisker. But you did. It took months until you recovered but... you did.
And now nothing from those times was real anymore. All of those memories were just... well, just memories. Nothing more and nothing less. They happened, they shaped you into the person you were today, but that was it. They no longer had the right to control your life.
„I can't even remember the last time I had such a horrible nightmare,“ you said after a long moment of silence when your daughter was finally fed and seemed satisfied once again. Resting in your arms, she kept looking up at you with her stormy blue-grey eyes. So similar to Levi's. „I don't know why it happened now, what could have triggered it.“
„Don't think that's important,“ Levi said, leaning closer to you. He very gently took the baby's hand, caressing her little fingers.
„She's the only thing that matters now.“
„Exactly,“ he agreed, looking at her with so much love and adoration. She was barely two weeks old but had her father wrapped around her finger.
Levi would do anything for his precious daughter, that was more than certain from the very first moment he saw her. All of his doubts about him not being a good enough father were pushed aside when he held her in his arms for the very first time. You were still in pain and just so exhausted from birth itself, but you remembered that moment very clearly. He was so spooked out, not sure how to hold a couple of minutes old baby. He was scared of unintentionally hurting her somehow. But at the same moment, his eyes were full of pure love and tears. And he didn't even try to hide them. It didn't matter that the hospital staff or you would see him shed a couple of tears. All that mattered in that moment, was the baby in his arms.
His baby.
The baby both of you waited so long for.
She was finally here and she was even more perfect than you dared to dream during your pregnancy.
Looking back, giving birth was the hardest thing you've ever done. From all the things you had to go through since you were born in the Underground, bringing your daughter into the world was the most incredible, but also the most painful and brutal thing that you've experienced.
Despite that... all the difficult days throughout your pregnancy and birth, she was more than worth it.
Seeing Levi become a father was for sure the most beautiful thing you could have experienced. Once Humanity's Strongest was all soft and loving towards the tiny little human he and you created. You knew he had a soft spot for kids, it was very obvious from his actions throughout the years.
But finally seeing him with his own child was something completely different. Hearing him talk to her, seeing him hold her for hours every day... It was so obvious that he never wanted to put her down. He was close to her at all times, always watching out if she needed anything. Even the softest little cry from her made Levi come over and check if everything was okay.
He was totally in love with her.
„It doesn't seem she wants to sleep,“ Levi said, while you leaned against him to rest your aching body a little. You were still slowly recovering and getting used to being a mother. And every day it was getting better and better, easier and more natural.
„Staring at her parents in the middle of the night is probably much more fun. Am I right, darling?“ you asked the baby, smiling at her lovingly.
„Just when I finally learned how to sleep through the night, somebody had to ruin it,“ Levi smirked, furrowing his brows at the baby accusingly. You chuckled quietly and kissed the top of her head, which was full of silky black hair. The Ackerman genes truly were strong. „I'll have to open the tea shop next week again.“
„Yeah, you should. I'm sure people will understand why we closed down for a little while but...“ you shrugged, giving your husband an innocent little smile.
For the past few weeks, there was a piece of paper taped to the door of your tea shop. It was the easiest way how to inform your customers, that you'll be back shortly. This time with a brand new little helper.
Since Levi wanted to help you as much as possible, he decided to close the tea shop shortly before you gave birth. The last few days were probably the hardest ones, so Levi decided to stay close and watch over you. It was nice, you welcomed his presence and the overall calmness of those days before your lives changed forever. You really got the chance to soak up all the last bits of your marriage while it was still just the two of you.
During your entire pregnancy, he tried to be by your side as much as possible, to ensure that you were doing okay. He never said it out loud, but he was terrified that something might happen to you or the baby. He was scared of losing the family he wanted for so many years.
The birth was long, chaotic, painful, and messy. It didn't go the way you hoped it would. Despite that, Levi never left your side. Not even for a single second. He held your hand, helped you breathe through every contraction, and kept reminding you how amazingly you were doing. He kept your mind busy, far away from fear or anxiety, and replaced them with nothing but pure love.
„When are we going to tell the others that we had a baby?“ you asked, watching your daughter trying to grab onto Levi's finger. It was obvious that she wasn't sleepy at all and all of you were due for a long night.
Falco, Gabi, Yelena, and Onyankopon were the only ones, who knew about your daughter. Only because they lived closest to you. Armin and Connie last came for a visit when you were five months pregnant. Because you were still barely showing, it was easy to hide your belly under certain pieces of clothing. Since then, you haven't seen any of your friends and only kept in touch by writing letters.
Keeping your pregnancy private gave you and Levi a strange feeling of peace, you truly wouldn't trade for anything.
„We'll let them know soon enough,“ Levi said, resting his head against yours.
„I know we don't have anywhere to hurry, but I'd like them to finally meet each other. In a way, they're like family to us, too.“
„They are,“ he agreed almost immediately.
After a little talk, you both agreed that you'd invite all of them for a visit in a week or two. For now, staying in your own little happy bubble was all you wanted and needed. You both knew, that your baby won't be this small ever again. So soaking up every single moment was very important.
„I love this. All of this,“ Levi whispered in a calm relaxed tone, kissing your temple while he took the baby from your arms. He very carefully snuggled her against his chest, stroking her back.
„Does being a father feel like you thought it would?“
„It's even better if I'm being honest,“ he smirked, smoothing the baby's hair down on the back of her head. „But sometimes I still don't get how we got here.“
„What do you mean?“
„You were barely seventeen when Furlan brought you home for the first time.“
„When he begged you not to kick me out,“ you teased him, laughing quietly at the old memory of your life in the Underground.
To your surprise, Levi chuckled himself, also thinking about how your very first meeting went. How you knelt in front of him because your injured ankle hurt so badly you weren't able to stand. Blood was dripping from your nose and your knuckles were all busted open from your sad little attempt to beat up the men who were hurting you. When you and Levi first met, you were a complete mess and if it wasn't for him and Furlan, you wouldn't last much longer. But they took you in and made you a part of their gang.
Many months later Isabel joined the three of you. At that moment you felt like your new family was finally complete.
And the rest... the rest is history. A collection of happy, sad, and painful memories.
„We've come such a long way since those days,“ Levi said, both of you watching your baby peacefully resting against Levi's chest. It didn't seem like she was missing something in that moment. The presence of her parents gave her the most important things – safety and love.
„And now we have an even longer one ahead of us,“ you added, leaning closer and finding Levi's lips in a sweet long kiss. It didn't matter how many times in your life you've kissed him. Every single time your lips touched, it felt like the purest magic. Even after so many years, you were head over heels for him. „And we'll walk down that road together.“
„Together,“ Levi agreed, his lips lingering close to yours for a moment before he kissed you again. Slowly and with so much love, it almost took your breath away. He never was a many of many words, because his actions always spoke louder.
„I'm glad we had to wait so long for her. At least she now gets to grow up in a much safer world than we did. She'll never know the pain and fear we had to go through.“
Levi opened his mouth to say something but eventually didn't. Instead, he closed his eyes and rested his head against yours. The baby in his arms made a few sweet noises when you rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head.
After Levi started humming a familiar melody quietly, her eyes slowly started to close. And yours as well.
Everything was okay.
Everything was finally as you always wished it would be.
Just you, Levi, and the purest outcome of your love, safely living in love and harmony.
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186 notes · View notes
levi-my-beloved · 5 months
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The Ackerbond Chapter 6: The Ackerbond Divides
Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader
Warnings: SMUT, honestly might just leave that as is but uh yeah SMUT, couples fighting™️, honestly I wrote so much of this so long ago I don't remember but like violence and stuff I'm pretty sure,
A/N: i have nothing but apologies to offer and maybe some updates like I graduated... yaaaaaaay....... that and I've been obsessed with a promiscuous pansexual vampire twink since august iykyk
oh also also, sorry for the millions of mistakes that this is likely riddled with <3
Taglist: @levmada @awesomeness1679 @purplecandygerl @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @pluvio-pluto @midnightbarnes97 @aresclouds @imkumichan @xxpadfootxx @cmjh3 @justa19 @notgoodforlife @leviackermanmyhero245 @kaea-peverall @jakillski @macaronnv @natalie-skz @oldtownwonderland @snailsposts @lunardeiity @clusiesuzie @hi-imkaiya @isabellawigginss @ackermandick @orionsalos @disaster-writer @temariskadi @nariko1989 @elizaack @dixie-chick @death-by-bullseye @leviackermanst @poisonpeche @arcticcashew @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @littleagxs @wall-maria-fritz
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Annie Leonhart. That was her name. One of the 104th cadets who chose the Military Police. That was the girl who ripped your family away from you. Just one girl. Fuck’s sake. You’d barely had time to recover after losing your family. But whilst the devil works hard, Erwin Smith works harder, already having an idea as to who the Titan was, and also a plan as to how to capture her.
And it had almost worked without consequence. Almost. But Annie was smarter than you all realised, and transformed before Armin could convince her underground. You’d been ordered to stay out of combat, by both Erwin and Levi. But so many were dying… so many were getting between the Scouts and their target that you didn’t have a choice. You didn’t do much, just scoop civilians out of the way, as many as you could. Though your body now screamed at you for it. 
Worth it. 
You stood before your enemy’s crystal. How could she look so peaceful after what she did? After the thousands she murdered. How could she look so damn content? You grit your teeth, molars grinding against molars. So much had happened as a result of the conflict.
Like a fucking Titan in the wall. You’d all seen it before Pastor Nick came running up. What the hell that sleazy holy man had been keeping from you, you were sure Hange could get it out of him. They were good at that sort of thing. 
Light footsteps echoed in the cellar. Not that you needed footsteps to tell when he was nearing you. You knew from the feeling alone. There was a tangible moment of silence before either of you spoke.
“I know.”
Levi quirked a brow, stepping up beside you. Unlike you, he wasn’t in uniform. The damage to his leg was worse than any of you realised, and he’d too been ordered to recover. “I didn’t even say anything.” 
A gentle scoff flew from your lips, your eyes sliding from Annie to Levi. “You didn’t need to. I could tell by your vibes.” 
It was Levi’s turn to laugh slightly, his arm wrapping around your side, keeping you near him. He knew what you were thinking. Could hear your thoughts from the other side of the damn city. You had yet to test the range of the bond, but it was nice to know it was further than just the barracks or however far away you were on the 57th. Staying silent, he waited for you to continue. 
“She took everything, and she just gets to sleep. How is that fair…?” You asked quietly, fighting tooth and nail to keep your brewing tears from sliding down your face. “And we’re left with more questions than answers even after capturing the bitch. We got nothing out of this. And Eld, he…” you trailed off, not quite able to voice the fact that his death was fruitless. All of theirs were. Petra, Gunther, Oluo… they all died for nothing. 
“No. He didn’t,” Levi tilted your head to face him with a finger beneath your chin, “we give their deaths meaning. You know that’s why we fight.” It was a conversation you’d had many times before, and even before you two were together. When caught up in the seemingly endless parade of grief, he would pull you out and give you something to fight for. 
“Yeah. I know…” was all you could say, looking back to the blonde. But Levi wasn’t having any of it, once again turning your head back to face him. You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t stop a smile from pulling at your lips. Always so persistent. “I’ll try to stop thinking about it, okay?” You bargained, earning yourself a sweet kiss on your forehead.
“Good. I’ll know if you don’t.” 
“How much time do you spend in my head?”
“Pretty much all of it.”
You couldn’t even be mad. You knew his own was just as haunted as yours. Maybe you would find equal solace in his mind as he did in yours. It was worth a shot. Not now, not yet, but sometime. 
Having not even noticed he’d led you away and back up the stairs, you were snapped out of your dark reverie by Hange approaching and looking uncharacteristically grim. 
“No luck?” you asked before they’d even spoken. Shaking their head, Hange sighed heavily. They looked more exhausted than you’d ever seen them, even after all-nighter Titan experiments they didn’t look this rough. 
“Not a damn thing. We’ve sent various messengers to outposts within Wall Rose territory. ” You hoped that meant Nanaba would be prepared. You hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye before she rode off with the 104th. You guessed it made sense to keep them all separated just in case but you couldn’t help but curse the circumstances.
Fuck this week. 
It had been mere hours since the messenger came through, screaming about how Titans had somehow breached another fucking wall, and you could all only assume the Colossal or Armoured would have been the ones to do it. This was too much of a coincidence. You capture the Female, and all of a sudden there’s another breach? They had to be related. 
“Did Annie have any close friends within the 104th? Like, people she would often hang out with…?” you asked slowly, only now making the connection. And it seemed Hange was on the same wavelength. 
“I’ve already asked for a background check on her, should be with me within the next few days.” 
“Oh yeah, Erwin’s theory. If the Colossal and Armoured Titans are shifters too, it makes sense they would also be in the 104th.” Levi murmured, watching the exchange between you and Hange with something you knew was slight awe. Your brain had always been fast, but watching it paired with Hange’s was a spectacle to witness. It had him wondering just how many people you could silently communicate with.
–Just you. Don’t get jealous again.–
–The fact you can have a conversation out loud and also have one in your head simultaneously is fucking terrifying.–
He heard your snort in his mind, still watching you talk with Hange.
–It’s a gift.–
“So what can we do?” You asked Hange, trying not to send a smirk Levi’s way. It didn’t matter, he could feel your amusement anyway.
“We’re heading to Ehrmich District, Pastor Nick’s coming too and we’re taking Eren, Armin, and Mikasa with us.” They explained. You hadn’t really interacted with Armin or Mikasa all that much, but you knew the girl was an Ackerman. It could be a good opportunity to see if she had any insight into your situation with Levi, or if she feels something similar toward Eren. It was obvious enough she’d completely fallen in love with the boy, and since she shared a last name with Levi, maybe there was something there too?
Honestly, you were speculating.
–Don’t expect much from her. She wants me dead.–
–You beat the shit out of the man she loves, you’d be the same if someone kicked my tooth out.–
–...Understandable.–
“And you want us to come with you? Why?” you asked, once again refraining from looking at the man to your left. Which, you’d recently discovered, was almost impossible.
“Babysitting duty!” they informed you, way too cheerily. “I’ll be taking a group to look for the breach and since you're both off active duty for now, I thought it could be a cute couple’s activity to keep an eye on our Pastor.” 
You have never wanted to die more in your life than in this very moment. Were they fucking serious? Babysitting?
“I hate you–”
“So fucking much.” Levi finished, and you both looked at each other, knowing you just made it one thousand times worse by finishing each other’s sentence.
“See? You’re like a married couple already! Plus it’s Erwin’s orders so you can’t back out.” They clapped their hands together excitedly, looking between you as if they were witnessing a proposal. You were surprised how they could be so ecstatic considering the last few days, but Hange was always good at masking grief with insanity. You were glad you knew them so well.
“When are we heading out?” you asked, your voice completely monotone. If you were being completely honest with yourself, you knew you weren’t capable of just sitting and waiting to hear news. You knew Hange had done this for you because though the two of you were completely different, you had your similarities.
Like being unable to stay out of battle, for example. 
As for Levi, he was more sensible than the two of you combined. You knew he wasn’t being dragged along for your benefit alone, but you still appreciated it. Not that he would have stayed somewhere without you. Not yet anyway. The idea of being alone so soon just… he couldn’t.
“Sundown,” they confirmed, running a hand through their hair. “I have a few things to get done before then, but that should give me just enough time.” 
You placed a hand on your hip, clearly about to be here talking for longer than you were expecting to. “Oh? Like what?”
“I have a few tests to run,” you narrowed your eyes at them. “No! No, not on Eren, he’s still exhausted. On something else actually. I have a theory about that Titan crystal that I want to confirm before we leave.”
You nodded thoughtfully. There had been way too many firsts recently. The discovery of a possible four shifters within the 104th cadet corps, Titans in the walls, and now another fucking breach. And you had a terrible feeling this was just the beginning.
–I know.–
As per usual, Levi’s voice brought you no small degree of comfort. This time, you didn’t refrain from looking at him, a soft, grateful smile pulling at your lips. How any single person could be so fucking perfect, you would never know.
–Stop.–
–Hmm. Make me.–
–You’re ridiculous.–
–You’re hot.–
The next look Levi sent you was nothing short of withering as if he’d already grown tired of your bullshit. Which seemed impossible. He loved your bullshit!
–No, I really don’t.–
–Wait… really?– You asked, with a hint of genuine concern. 
Levi paused for a moment. Were you actually worried, or were you just trying to get him to admit that he actually did enjoy your bullshit? 
–...maybe sometimes.–
–HA! Knew it!– you responded, far too smugly for his liking. He suppressed the urge to sweep your leg. If only his own wasn’t badly injured…
“So, how does all of this work?”
You both snapped back to look at Hange, who you’d completely forgotten was there. It wasn’t the first time you’d been so caught up in your little mental conversation that you forgot about the verbal ones, but this was on a whole other level. Hange was right there, and you’d both just ignored them in favour of having your own private little chat.
“What uh– like uh, how does uhm– like– what do you, like, mean?”
–That was possibly one of the greatest butt-fumbles of a question you’ve ever asked.–
–Did you just say butt-fumble?!–
–Concentrate. Hange’s answering.–
–Oh shi- – 
“Well, everyone and their mother, dead or alive, can tell that there’s something deeper here. Deeper than your average cute lil’ relationship, I mean.”
“I will cut you and it will hurt.” 
It took you a minute to figure out who’d said that between you and Levi, having had the exact same thought.
Or was that a thought of his? It was getting hard to tell now. 
“Come on now Levi, ever since we caught your two cuddling on the floor–”
“I was bleeding out!” You protested with indignance. Honestly, Nanaba and Nifa had not stopped talking about that. You almost fucking died!
“An insignificant detail. But a few things have been running through my mind, the first being how could you,” they pointed to Levi, who looked ready to commit arson, “have possibly known she had blown her stitches?”
“I’m right fucking here…” you muttered, causing Levi to snort in your head.
“There was no way she could have told you, and nobody had entered her room since you had to kick the door in. Not only this but there was that day in the field too! We were mid-conversation and you just suddenly took off! Next thing I hear you’d managed to save her life,”
“I’m still right fucking here.” 
“So, how does this all work? Because you can’t be human with the things you’re able to do–”
“What?”
“–and he always manages to save your ass even when he didn’t know it needed saving five seconds beforehand!”
The air around you fell completely silent. You didn’t even begin to question how Hange had managed to work this much out already, because of course they did. This shouldn’t have come as such a surprise if you were being honest, and yet here you were, stunned into silence. 
Levi too found himself mentally floundering for a logical explanation. Because how the fuck would he explain how the bond between you worked when he himself barely knew. He could feel your pain, your pleasure, your emotions. He could see glimpses into a future where, had he failed, you died. Not to mention the fact you could both access a shared space within your combined souls where you couldn’t feel each other and that space could be morphed and crafted into anything. It could be a little cabin for just the two of you, or a giant open field with a lake like it was the first time. But no matter where you were, that glowing tree of pure light was always there. Always.
“What’s your theory?”
Levi turned to you, wide-eyed. Was this it? Were you about to tell them everything? How the bond worked, how it started, and how it’s going now?
Hange’s eyes glinted with newfound enthusiasm. You’d made it into a little game, and they’d picked up on it. It was obvious enough that something was going on between you and Levi, and they had so far guessed right, that this something wasn’t just surface level, and ran so much deeper than anybody could see. 
–Are you out of your fucking mind?–
You almost laughed aloud at the panic in Levi’s voice.
–Just trust me, okay?–
–If Four-eyes ends up running experiments on me, I will never forgive you–
Mischief radiated from the part of his soul that was occupied by you, and he grit his teeth. Fuck’s sake.
“My theory? Well, I haven’t had the time to properly work anything out, but I think Shorty here can do more than he lets on, but of course, you already know that, don’t you?” 
You held up your hands in innocence. “I’m not saying anything until I hear what you think is going on,” you countered, rather enjoying this new game you’d started, even if you knew it stressed the fuck out of your little soulbond. He would be totally fine… no real harm could come from Hange knowing a little more about your relationship. 
You were almost certain.
“Okay so what if, we know Levi has more than human abilities when it comes to fighting, so what if he had more than human abilities when it comes to love? What if his fighting skill wasn’t the only thing he excelled at. What if communication was something he could do on an insane level too?”
“That's ridiculous–”
“I’m listening…”
These synchronised responses were a tad suspicious, you would admit. And yet it only seemed to further Hange’s excitement in the two of you.
“Okay so! What if, hear me out, he could communicate with you, on like, another level…?”
–How crazy would that be?– Well that made it borderline impossible not to snort in Hange’s face.
–Levi…?–
–Mm?–
–Not helpful.–
“Like, how do you mean?” You were more than happy to bite. More than happy to entertain this with the slightest hint of sarcasm, hoping that would throw them slightly. Conversational politics, something you’d learned from Erwin many years ago. And though you still stand by the fact you weren’t brave enough for politics, it was still nice to use all that he’d taught you when he was your captain.
“So, and bear with me here, what if he could somehow communicate with you without anyone else hearing. Like, in your head or something?”
Your eyes widened slightly. Oh fuck, they really did have a lot figured out, didn’t they? You stared at them for a moment, both hearing and feeling Levi freak the fuck out. This wasn’t exactly how you were expecting this conversation to go…
“Hange…?
They looked at you like a puppy faced with a bone. “Yeah?”
You paused.
“That’s fucking ridiculous.” You flatlined, before subtly kicking Levi’s foot and walking away without another word. It wasn’t that you enjoyed watching the misplaced hype fade from their eyes, but when it came to something so secret and special as the bond between you and your soulmate, you didn’t mind letting them down a few times. 
Levi followed you, and if he didn’t love you so damn much, he probably would have killed you for pulling a stunt like that. But there was something about the confident way you walked, the slight swing in your hips like you knew he was watching you. 
–Of course I know… and we have a few hours before Hange wants us on that cart…– he knew that tone in your voice. That slightly sultry cadence drove him batshit crazy and worst of all, you knew it drove him insane.
–...What did you have in mind?–
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Levi’s back hit the door to his office with a solid thud, the sound of the sliding lock securing his arousal as you pinned his arms above his head with your threaded fingers. If his mouth was free, he would have whimpered along with the shot of heat running through his spine. But with your tongue thrust down his throat, he could only manage a choked squeak of approval. He fucking loved it when you were bold like this. When you took control. When you slammed him against the wall and made him forget his own damn name. 
Combined moans danced with each other when you forced your leg between his thighs, applying delicious pressure to the borderline painful strain against the front of his slacks. You were rabid, vicious, desperate with your other hand, ripping his jacket from his shoulders. Your mouth travelled from his tongue to his jaw, setting his voice free from the confines of his throat, breathy gasps flying from parted lips. You nipped and bit with tongue and teeth, sharply pinching down the side of his neck, a particularly sensitive weakness. 
“Sh-shit, someone’s ea-AH! Fuck! Eager,” you interrupted him with a bite to the spot just behind his ear. That paired with the bold grasp of his clothed cock after tearing his jacket off sent his brain short circuiting. 
You didn’t know where this sudden craving for his body came from. Sure, you always wanted to fuck him, you didn’t think there was a minute in a day where you couldn’t happily discard your clothes for him if he asked, but where this specific craving came from, you weren’t entirely sure. You just had the sudden urge to shove his dick in your mouth.
“Fuck, you can’t think shit like that… n-not when-ngh, not when I can-n still hear it.” You stifled your heated chuckle by sucking a bruise into the side of his neck, groaning along with him when your cunt throbbed. You hadn’t even thought about the idea of pleasuring yourself purely by pleasuring him, but now that seed had been planted in your head, you were definitely going to abuse the power the moment the chance arose. 
“Keep your hands up,” you instructed, threading your fingers out from his grasp. To your surprise, he actually obeyed for once, his palms now flat against the door behind him as you tore his shirt out from where he’d tucked it into his pants. You didn’t even bother to undo the buttons, just shoved it up his stomach until you had access to his peaked nipples, flicking and pinching until he cried out and your eyes rolled, once again latching onto his neck. 
Levi knew you’d left a mark he wouldn’t be able to cover up easily, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care right now. Now when all he could do was rake his nails down the wood behind him as you started to travel down his chest, skipping his covered collarbones. A small mercy, but a mercy nonetheless. 
Now you had the freedom to, you couldn’t count how many purple blossoms you’d suckled into pecs, crescent bite marks flushing pink against his pale skin, pebbled nipples now sensitive and raw. You popped one into your mouth, gripping his waist with one hand when you felt his crowing pleasure as your own. It was impossible to stem the constant thrumming of your clit when the tip of his cock kept rubbing against the front of his seam. Levi bucked his hips impatiently as you slowed down the pace of your actions, licking a hard line from his naval up to the centre of his chest. Having to hold his shirt up was getting frustrating, restricting the use of both your hands. You’d almost abandoned his chest completely, before a wicked idea sprouted in your mind.
Levi could feel it, the sudden spark of mischief in your heart, and before he could even truly decipher what it was you had planned, you stood back up and shoved the bottom of his shirt between his teeth, gagging his keening moans. You took a small step back, just to admire his appearance. Flushed all over, painted black and blue by your teeth, rosy pink dusting his cheeks and sweat dripping down the side of his pinched brows. A new painting, you thought to yourself.
–Come. On–
You grinned. Even in your head he sounded as desperate as he looked. Though you could feel it too, the tightening coil of arousal. But toying with him has become one of your favourite pastimes. “I’m just admiring the view, you look fucking delicious ‘Vi.”
Despite his current situation, he still managed to roll his eyes. –I’m not above getting myself off if you don’t hurry up–
Oh. Oh that was a mistake. He knew the moment your eyes lit up and his cock throbbed as an echo of your own pussy. 
You stepped back up to him, keeping searing eye contact as your fingers deftly unhooked his belt and slowly pulled down the front of his zipper. “Yeah? Show me then.” 
There was nothing he could do against the dare in your voice, and especially not as you reached into his briefs, pulling out his desperately soaking cock. He watched you bite your cheek at the first brush of your hand, your lips parting as you couldn’t help but pump him slightly, too lost in your own growing pleasure. 
Levi arched his back off the door behind him and into your loose fist, forgetting all about your little challenge when your thumb circled his head, your cheek falling against his shoulder. It was all he could do to remember to breathe through the now sodden shirt clamped between his teeth, ragged gasps fueling your movements. 
His voice cracked as you squeezed the base of his shaft, eyes screwed closed and hands balling tight. 
“Not yet…” you panted against his neck, before setting him free completely and walking backwards until your thighs hit the desk behind you. From here, you removed your own belt, pulling down your pants and underwear in one motion. Levi didn’t know what you had planned, but his eyes instantly honed in on your soaking cunt the moment you hopped up onto the desk and spread yourself for him. 
“I want you to watch my pussy throb around nothing as you fuck yourself with your fist. And before you ask, no I won’t be touching myself.”
Levi almost came there and then. That had to have been the single hottest thing you’d ever said to him. Though the idea was cruel, the tip of his cock leaked at the idea. 
–Fuck… you’re serious?–
“Completely.”
–Do I have to keep this fucking thing in my mouth?–
“You want me to find something else to gag you with?” The idea of stuffing your underwear in his mouth did spring to mind, but it was too much of a hassle to take your boots off. Plus, it was so much hotter this way, you got to see the extent of what your previous administrations did to his chest.
–Shit, okay… can I use both hands?–
“Nope. Just one.”
–Fuck you’re cruel today–
“You gonna keep me waiting?”
With a huff of indignance, Levi left one of his hands to claw at the wood behind him, the other coming down to clasp his aching cock. You both moaned in unison, every stroke down his shaft feeling like he was inside you, your walls fluttering against nothing. 
You’d instructed him to watch your cunt, something he thought he could do with ease, but when he grasped his dripping head and swirled his thumb around his tip, he fought tooth and nail against the instinct to throw his head back. 
You, on the other hand, did no such thing. “Fuck ‘Vi… like that. Oh shit, feels… fuck that feels good,” you breathed, feeling your clit pulse with a phantom touch. You still had every intention of sucking him off, but for now you just wanted to feel, content to keen and writhe as you relished every languid pump of his cock.
Every instinct was screaming at him to cross the room and bury himself deep inside your walls, seeing you so wet and ready for him. But he would be good today. This was something new that neither of you had thought of before, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it more than he thought he would. He watched you gush, your hips lifting off the desk as his hand applied pressure, sparking another cracked moan from his barred lips. 
Before, the idea of getting himself off was never really appealing. It was only since this had started did he actively enjoy it, most likely because he knew you were feeling good too. So, with newfound courage, Levi ran his thumb down the vein on the underside of his shaft, crying out with the sharp spike of euphoria in his blood. 
You obviously weren’t unaffected. “Yes! Fuh–ahaah! Fuck…! Ag-again!” 
He was yours to command, and so complied with your wish, once again thumbing down the sensitive vein. A sob wracked from his chest, bringing your back to reality.
–Please! I… I can’t fucking- NGH! Please…!– 
“Y-you want my f-ah! Want my fingers?” you asked, throwing your previous promise of not touching yourself out the window. 
Levi’s hair bounced with a vigorous nod, only now craving that toe-curling sensation he felt when you hit that particularly sensitive spot inside you. 
You made a show of sucking on your fingers, eyes still rolling as he continued to pleasure you both, before slowly pushing them through your folds. Levi’s gasp blended into a high pitched sob as you teased your own cunt. He’d actually been the one to help you find your g-spot, instructing you through heavy lashes until he too was keening. You could find it without much effort now, and when you finally pushed against it, Levi let his shirt fall.
“NGHA-HAAH! Shit! Oh fuck fuck FUCK!” You didn’t say anything when the back of his head hit the door, eyes screwed shut again as he desperately bucked his hips into his fist, picturing your pussy sucking him in. Neither of you had had the time to explore where in him you could tease until he went cross eyed, finding the same result this way. But he knew you wanted to, and deep down, he knew he wanted to too. Nothing had ever felt this good. 
Goosebumps started to prickle your skin as you curled your fingers, his wanton cries an orchestra to your performance. Though this wasn’t exactly what you had in mind when you’d provoked him earlier, this was so much better. The room became a symphony of ecstasy, neither of you able to voice anything other than pure, unadulterated pleasure. 
You stilled your fingers at the same moment Levi stilled his hand, looking at each other with nothing but burning desire, both of you heaving for oxygen.
“You let the shirt fall…” you rasped, voice slightly raw. Levi opened his mouth to reply, but just at that moment you curled your fingers inside yourself again, sending him back into a stuttering, moaning mess.
“I– ah-haah! W-wasn’t my fault!” It wasn’t the attitudinal retort he wanted to have, but that seemed impossible when you were still inadvertently fucking him. 
Sliding your fingers from your cunt, you both sighed slightly at the loss, before you finally took the time to remove your boots, pulling your pants and underwear off completely. 
Levi stood still against the door, catching his breath for a moment. Neither of you had come yet, likely making this the longest you have lasted in each other’s presence. Hopping off the desk, Levi watched as your hips swing with each step towards him, and when you held out your hand, he willingly took your wrist, lapping up your tacky slick from your fingers. 
You removed them from his tongue’s reach, replacing them with your own mouth as you kissed him hard. You felt him shiver as you once again grasped his cock, your eyes fluttering as you finally sank to your knees before him. He could barely stand to look at you, all of a sudden so submissive before him, and the moment you wrapped your lips around his tip, vibrations caressing his head from your own moaning, his head once again hit the door. 
“Fuuuuuck… like that… just l-like that, shit…!” your tongue caressed his frenulum, hand twisting and pumping around what couldn’t fit in your mouth. Your eyes closed as your highs approached, having kept them from another for far too long. Hollowing your cheeks, you sucked against his tip hard, drawing a staggered whimper from his chest. “C-cum!! Gonna cum, fuck! G…gah-ah! Gonna fucking cum…!” 
Your nails dug crescents into the milky skin of his waist, knowing the maintenance of your movements will bring you both crashing over the edge. And the moment Levi’s hands threaded through your hair and his hips bucked bruisingly into your mouth, you cried out around his cock as your high hit you, his spilling cum hitting the back of your throat.
Having lost control of his body, Levi’s back bowed in a steep arch, barely able to intake a gasp of breath before pure euphoria injected into his veins, balls tightening before releasing down your throat in sharp spikes of ecstasy. He vaguely registered you too hitting your high, the slight pain from your nails only heightening his pleasure. A long, pitched wail flew past his lips, thighs shaking as he fought to stay on his feet, his muscles having turned to liquid honey.
Caught up in the throes of your orgasm, your nose brushed the coarse hairs on his shuddering naval, having fallen forward without much care for his cock shoving further down your throat. Levi hissed as you whined around his overly-sensitive member, still twitching in the confines of your mouth, before gently moving your head back, setting you both free. 
You chuckled softly, resting your forehead against his thigh as you both basked in the afterglow, taking a moment to catch your breaths, your thumb smoothing over the red marks you’d left around his waist, shivering slightly as you felt them burn into your own skin. 
“Where… the hell… did that come from?” Levi breathed, his fingers curling through your hair, gently massaging against your scalp. Sex between you two was good. He was never going to deny that. The whole feeling each other thing was fucking incredible, but there was something about you ordering him to watch you cunt and get off to it that almost made him harden again. 
“Not too sure to be honest… but I wanna experiment a bit with it…”
“Tch, you sound like Hange.” 
The breath of your laughter huffed against his thigh, and it was only now did he realise that there really wasn’t a lot of mess to clean up, since he’d finished down your throat. The only real mess there was currently dripped from between your thighs, and it took all the power in his blood not to drop to the floor and clean you with his tongue.
“Wish we had the time…” you responded to the thought, shakily rising to your feet, your legs feeling weak both from kneeling and cumming your brains out. Levi thread his hands through his hair, sighing in blissful relief, only opening his eyes when he felt your thumb against the tender spot on the side of his neck, testing the bruise he knew you were looking at.
“Is it bad?”
“Uhm…” your voice was too pitched for his liking, eyes narrowing at your sheepish expression. “It’s… you have any scarfs…?” 
Levi sighed heavily. He couldn’t be mad, not when every high you gave him was better than the previous one, but he did start to question your motives.
“I am not being possessive! I just get carried away sometimes, we both know that.” You pouted, pushing off him and crossing the room back towards your clothes. He wasn’t letting you get away with this though, not so easily. Stuffing himself back into his briefs and zipping up his slacks, Levi couldn’t be bothered to tuck his shirt back in before reaching you in two broad strides, wrapping his arms around your half naked waist and sucking a deep, biting bruise into the exact same spot on your own neck, making a twin to the now fading one on the other side. 
You instantly melted into his touch, gasping lightly as you felt his teeth sink into your skin. A drunk smile pulled at your lips, your brain hazing for a moment, before he stopped suckling and pressed another, lighter kiss against your jaw. 
“There. Now we’re even.”
“Not nearly, I still have this one.” you didn’t sound as put together as you would have liked, but the mere thought seemed impossible when you could feel him smiling against your neck. 
It hit you like a punch from a Titan there and then. A singular thought that could ruin hundreds of moments. They wouldn’t get this. None of them would. They would never be able to experience something like this again. Why was it so right that you did? Grief constricted your breathing to the point where you pulled away from him, wordlessly tugging your clothes back on.
And of course, Levi knew what had happened. Knew exactly what you were thinking. He could hear it loud and clear in his own head. With everything that had happened lately, you hadn’t had the time to process your sorrow. Over the last two or three days, Levi had found himself awoken by your presence trying to make a home in his mind, terrified of your own. You didn’t want to be there, still tormented by guilt and hollowed sorrow. 
“Sorry…” you mumbled, running an exhausted hand through your slightly sweaty hair. “Ruined it, right?” you couldn’t help offering him a melancholy and sheepish smile, now feeling guilty for ruining what was a really nice moment between the two of you. Though the mask dropped when you felt a phantom warmth descend around you. Levi knew you didn’t always like to be physically comforted, but he could still give you the feeling without touching you.
“Never.” he responded gently, reaching his hand out slightly apprehensively, waiting to see if you would shy away or accept the offer. And to his relief, you pressed your arm into his open hand, letting him guide you into his embrace. He knew this had been particularly tough on you. Though his squad was his family too, he still had Hange and Erwin. But you’d never bonded with them as much as you had with your departed friends. They were your family, he knew that. “You’re okay.”
You wanted to nod, but you couldn’t lie to him. You weren’t, but you had to be. You didn’t have a choice right now. These brief moments of weakness were all you were permitting yourself. Anything more and you would take it too far, losing control of your emotions and slipping back into that state Levi had to drag you out from. You wouldn’t put him through that again. It wasn’t fair. 
“I just, I miss them so fucking much.” The tears you shed now weren’t ones of pleasure, but of pain. Of mourning the loss of time to mourn your family properly. He knew. Of course he knew. He would always know. But there was something so heartbreaking about hearing you admit it out loud.  
“It’s bad today, isn’t it?” He asked, softly placing his head atop your own in a successful attempt to bring you comfort, if the way you buried your face into his bruised neck was anything to judge by. 
–Yeah–
You were too afraid your voice would crack if you said anything out loud anymore, wanting more than anything to sink into his skin and disappear from the world, to let his half of your soul consume you and keep you. It hurt to breathe, knowing that they would never breathe again. It hurt to smile and laugh. It hurt to love as deeply as you do now. 
–I know, I know– 
Levi’s voice filled your head, fighting back those thoughts of your undeserved survival. You didn’t think you’d need to hear the reasons to fight again so soon after he uttered them not so long ago, but he was right. It was bad today. Maybe that was why you had him against the door like that, but the idea of using him as a distraction was even worse.
–You know that doesn’t matter to me–
Yes, you knew, but it didn’t help. Letting yourself feel would help, but you didn’t have the time. Neither of you did. And with the news of the recent breach… you didn’t know when you would have the time. And with your injuries, you couldn’t keep yourself busy. You couldn’t ride out with your comrades in this state. You were fucking useless. She was right, this whole time. You’d let your family die, you’re too weak to fight. You hadn’t thought about her in a while, but your grandmother was right. 
“Enough.”
All thoughts in your head ceased. 
Levi used a tone that he knew would get you to shut up, a tone he knew would grind your spiral to a complete halt. Because though it was soft, it was stony. It was a command from your Captain and an order from your bond. 
“Shit… yeah, sorry.” you drew in a slow, deep breath, feeling Levi assist to calm your accelerating heartbeat. When the time would come, you weren’t sure, but you were sure that it wasn’t now. You would get to mourn them, just not yet. 
Drawing you from his chest, Levi cupped your face with both hands, smoothing away the remains of tears beneath your eyes and down your cheeks with his thumbs. “Alright?”
“Yeah, yeah I’m okay. Thanks,” you reassured, though your lover didn’t look convinced. 
“You have to let yourself be happy…” 
“Damn, and that’s coming from you.” 
Though it was a low blow, Levi was just relieved you were back to your old self somewhat. Under any other circumstance, he would have at least attempted to hide his soft smile, would have tried to feign irritation. But he couldn’t find it in himself. “Oi, I’m trying, okay?” 
Maybe he could feign a little irritation. Just a little.
You huffed a light chuckle, placing one of your palms atop his scarred knuckles. “Guess we both have to try a little harder.” Pressing your lips to his, you sealed the promise, nothing but love now radiating from your mind. It settled his heart, a kiss of a different passion. No heat, just purity. 
Fuck did he love you. And he would tell you one day, with his words, not just his thoughts.
“There’s no rush.” He felt you were unable to say that with complete honesty. There was always the constant pressure of time breathing down your necks. The unforeseeable future where one of you, or maybe even both of you, may be dead without ever getting to hear those words. 
Like pulling a thread, Levi chased a memory he’d all but forgotten until now. “Do. Not. Lose. Her.”
“Who told you that?” You asked, quirking an intrigued brow. 
“Honestly? Not sure. But it’s the second time I heard it when pulling you from your weird mind lake thing.”
“Hey!”
Levi smirked briefly at your offended façade, before resuming recounting what had happened from his perspective, now you could both talk about it without reopening any wounds. “The door between my head and the bond, it wouldn’t open. I couldn’t get to you. This voice told me to break it,” he turned to lean back against the desk just as you hopped atop it, crossing your ankles.
“What did they sound like?”
“Fucking patronising.”
You snorted. Only Levi would have said something like that about a disembodied voice he couldn’t identify. “Idiot, I meant like, how old? Where from? Did he have an accent like that Sasha girl?”
“Sasha has an accent?”
“Sometimes, though I haven’t really heard her speak much, there's a certain lilt to her voice.” It reminded you of the way Oluo used to speak, before he saw Levi as his new religion and changed his entire image. That first day was hilarious.
Fuck.
“No, she doesn’t have an accent.” He continued, knowing what you’d just thought about and wanting to squash another spiral before it even happened. 
“It’s a woman?”
“I think so… the first time it was indistinguishable but… thinking back now…” his heart clenched. “It sounded like my mother.”
Your eyes widened slightly. Was that possible? 
Levi swallowed thickly before continuing on. “Not in the way she spoke, but in the way her voice sounded. Pitch, cadence, tone… everything. I was too focused on you to really process but… it was her.” 
You covered his hand braced on the edge of the desk. Despite his calm exterior, Levi was a constant maelstrom of emotions, and you did find yourself struggling at times to decipher what exactly he was feeling. Now was a good example, where you couldn’t tell if he was comforted or haunted by the idea of his mother talking to him. 
“‘Vi…”
“At least, the voice was the same. Pretty sure my mother would never say ‘Now is not the time to doubt, blood of mine. Break the door. Do. Not. Lose her.’” He quoted exactly what he remembered being told that night. It was guidance, though brutal as it was. 
You bit your lip in thought, watching as Levi’s tongue darted out to smooth the small phantom hurt. You really must remember to stop doing that so much. “‘Blood of mine’ ? Are all Ackerman’s connected to each other?” you asked, kind of wishing you had told Hange about the bond now. Maybe they could have helped decipher.
“Hard to say. I’ve never heard or felt anything before. Not even around Mikasa, and she’s an Ackerman.”
“You could just share the same last name and nothing more?” It was a weak suggestion, but a possibility nonetheless.
“I would have agreed had I not seen the reports of her strength and then seen it with my own eyes. You saw how she fought the Female Titan. That’s no regular strength.”
“You sayin’ I couldn’t have done something like that?” you asked, eyes flashing with cheeky mischief. Levi clicked his tongue, his own eyes rolling.
“She’s what, fifteen? Yes, I’m saying you couldn’t have done something like that at fifteen years old.”
“You didn’t even know me at fifteen years old!” you protested indignantly. “In fact, I–”
You were rudely cut off by Levi slapping his hand over your mouth, giving you a warning look. Returning his glare, you stuck your tongue out to lick the palm of his hand in petty defiance. Something which earned you nothing but a raise of his brow. 
Point taken.
“It’s weird though,” you began after he removed his hand. “Why can’t you hear any of this when I’m like, not drowning in my mental health held together with a piece of fraying string?”
Levi sighed again, really wishing you wouldn’t talk about your own emotions like that, but now wasn’t the time to bring that up. “Not sure, I guess it only happens when I need it to?” he sounded as unsure as you did, which made sense considering neither of you knew what the fuck was really going on. 
“Think it has something to do with the weird tree thing?” 
He knew what you were talking about, and honestly, it was a sound theory. “I do find it weird that no matter where we’ve chosen, that tree will always be there somewhere,” He sighed, sliding a tired hand down the side of his face. “I’m sorry, I wish I knew more, but I’m as clueless as you are, despite this all coming from me.” 
Your cheek against his shoulder was a welcome presence, strands of your hair tickling the underside of his jaw. “It would feel off-balanced if you knew more than I did anyway,” you reassured him. “Still, I would like to talk to Mikasa. It’s not me she hates, so maybe she’d open up a bit more.”
“I have a feeling it would be a little like trying to get me to open up without knowing me for as long as you have.”
“So I have no hope? Unless I get her to fall in love with me and then she forms a bond with me,” you joked, before the genuine question arose in your head. “Wait yeah, what if something like that did happen? Like, if there were more people with your blood, what if two people managed to bond to the same person?” 
Levi shrugged, causing your head to tilt slightly. “It seems unlikely. If Ackermans are all connected, I don’t think whatever the bond is would let that happen. If it did…” he slid his eyes to where you were peering at him from his shoulder. “They’d probably duel or some shit.”
You barked a laugh, rising to stretch your arms above your head. “The sheer number of references you make to Frederik and Jules is absolutely appalling Levi Ackerman. Honestly, have you no shame?” Hopping off the desk, you crossed the room to unlock the door, thinking it would be a little suspicious if someone tried to enter whilst the bolt was across. 
“Clearly not, I bonded with you, didn’t I?” 
You swivelled, gaping at his audacity. It took you a moment to truly register what he had said, before taking a book from the shelf nearest you and throwing it in his general direction. “Rudeness! Rudeness of the highest insult!” 
Whatever poor piece of literature you’d thrown at him was easily dodged, landing harmlessly behind the desk. “You can’t throw books at me, I’m injured.”
“You can’t throw insults at me, so am I!” you folded your arms, managing to keep his little devious smirk from cracking the defences in your expression. No, you will absolutely not let him get away with this! 
“Yeah, you will.”
“Oh yeah? What makes you so sure?” you challenged, your expression still masked hard. Though as the moments lingered on and he kept looking at you like that, your resolve started to waver. “Fuck’s sake, I’m worse than Erwin and he let you get away with literal murder.” 
“Speaking of which, how didn’t I know you two were old friends?” he asked, finally tucking his shirt back in and retrieving the black jacket you’d all but thrown to the floor, dusting it off with a barely veiled look of disdain. 
“Likely because we barely talk as old friends anymore. He got caught up in being a Commander and I got caught up in wrangling you,” Levi raised a suggestive brow, pulling a laugh from your chest. “I didn’t mean it like that, but yes that as well. I meant in a ‘making sure you actually became a soldier and figuratively beating the shit out of anyone who called you a rat’ kind of way.”
Levi’s eyes widened slightly. He didn’t know you’d done that for him. You rolled your eyes, now trying to play it off. “Don’t let it get to your head. I almost fought my best friend the day we all met Isabel because she called her a criminal or some shit,” you couldn’t escape the slight blush in your cheeks. Yes, you’d done it in Isabel’s memory somewhat, but you’d also done it because you’d taken a liking to him from quite early on. 
“I remember that…” it was the first time he’d bore witness to your fight. To a fire he’d now sworn to never let dwindle, and to protect at all costs. “Still, in all the years I’ve known Erwin, he’s not once mentioned you.”
“Guess he’s just as rude as you are then.” You had seen the opportunity and seized it with both hands, smirking slightly at his resulting scoff. “I think I might know why, though.”
Levi perked up slightly. “Oh?”
“That same evening after I met you and fought with Nana, we had a conversation. Erwin and I. We both knew he would likely be made Commander soon, meaning his squad would be left captainless,” Levi listened silently. He’d never heard you speak about the day he first met you, having not even discussed the tea you shared that day. “He told me I should take the offer to be made captain. I told him that I couldn’t.”
He didn’t know for sure, but Levi could hazard a guess. You’d lost faith in your abilities after what happened to Ilse.
“I don’t think he took it very well. He seemed kinda disappointed. But after that he was made Commander pretty quickly and yeah, that was that.” You didn’t particularly want to go into any more detail than that. Dragging up old, suppressed memories now wasn’t exactly a good idea, considering your current unstable mental state. Levi could see for himself if he wanted to, you’d already given him permission to see any memories he may deem necessary to understand you more as a person.  
“I see,” was all he could say in response. Pressing with further questions didn’t seem like a good idea, and the last thing he wanted to do was make you feel any more uncomfortable with the conversation. 
“So yeah, that’s about it. He was Captain of my squad, asked me to take over, I refused, you took the position instead.”
…Well he didn’t know that.
“Sorta why I’ve been indebted to you from the beginning. If you hadn’t shown up with your crazy abilities and shitty attitude I probably wouldn’t be here now.” You smiled, though it didn’t take a detective to see the slight pain behind it. Whatever that meant, he didn’t want to know, but with the bond being what it was, it didn’t seem like him joining the Scouts was a decision he made at all. But rather something else blessed by fate. Not that he was much of a believer in that kind of thing. 
“You owe me nothing.”
“Well I know that now, yeah.”
“You owed me nothing back then, too.”
The room was silent for a moment, before you shattered it with a soft sigh. “I wish this had happened sooner. Between us, I mean.”
Levi crossed over to where you were leaning on the very same bookshelf you’d chucked a book from, once again taking you effortlessly into his embrace. He had the same thoughts so often. He wished he could have told you years ago. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight between you two, but he savoured his memories of the rocky start. The biting insults soon turned playful. The cleaning punishment morphing into shared time together. Though he wished he’d had you sooner, he wouldn’t trade watching you flounder around Eld for all the romance novels in the world. 
You drew back, clearly having heard what he was thinking. “Really?
“It was pretty damn funny watching the two of you.”
Your forehead fell against his shoulder as you let out a long groan of embarrassment. “Fuck’s sake, even Erwin saw that.”
“He spoke to you about it?”
“Yeah, on the expedition. He wanted to extend his congratulations to us, which I thought was kinda nice of him, though he had a few other things to say….”
Levi looked at you, his eyes hard. “I assume he warded you away from me?”
“Not exactly. It was nicer than that, actually. He just told me to be careful.” you recalled the conversation in your head, sending snippets of visuals down the bond. Levi nodded, entertaining the image of you and Erwin by the campfire, having a surprisingly deep conversation, considering the circumstances. Though you left out the part where he told you not to hurt him. You were already afraid of doing that, but Levi didn’t need to know.
It must have been fate listening in, that there was a knock on the door just at this moment. You both looked at each other, the rapping sound breaking you both out of the little domestic bubble you so often found yourselves in nowadays. In a moment, you’d lifted a spare chair from the corner up to the desk to avoid the noise of dragging it along the wooden floorboards, and Levi had sat himself down, hunching over so it looked as if you were both completely caught up in paperwork. 
“Come in.” he’d managed to morph his voice so it sounded mundane, as if he’d been doing this for hours. You couldn’t help but admire the adaptability. You guess you really weren’t the only chameleon in the room.
Moments after, a brown haired messenger announced themselves, opening the door with surprising flamboyance. “Captain Levi, Sir! Commander Erwin has asked for you, Sir! He wants to meet with you immediately, Sir!” 
If you had taken a shot for everytime this guy had said sir you’d be well on your way to a good night out. However, there wasn’t time for things like that right now.
“Alright, I hear you. Dismissed.”
You snorted at the overenthusiastic salute the cadet made, before marching off to the left. He couldn’t have been any older than seventeen, poor kid. 
Levi stood with a sigh, clearly not thrilled about the idea of a meeting, but you both knew what it was likely going to be about. You guessed neither of you had confirmed you’d go along with Hange. 
“Guess you’ve been summoned,” you raised a brow as he walked around the desk, watching his hard expression set. You stood, catching him before he walked off and pressing your thumb in the crease between his brows, smoothing the tension from his face. “You can’t get this grumpy every time you’re called away.”
Levi huffed, though appreciating the attempt you made to caress away his stress. “When we don’t have a lot of time together anyway, I think I'm perfectly entitled to get this grumpy when it’s cut short.”
You grinned, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Can’t argue with that. Make sure you let him know, hm?”
He rolled his eyes, though a smile still pulled at his lips. He masked it by moulding them into yours. “See you later.” He murmured, giving your arm a quick squeeze before he headed out the door. You hated how much you missed his presence when he was gone. 
The pendulum clock on the wall ticked by for all of five minutes before a lead balloon of dread sank into the depths of your stomach. His voice was instantly in your head.
–What? What’s wrong? You alright?–
–Levi…?–
–What?!–
–Your neck.–
Silence. You didn’t hear anything for what felt like an eternity, before his single word response had you cackling.
–Fuck.–
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When the blanket of night settled over the world and a slight chill blew in the wind, you hugged your jacket closer around your shoulders, trying to stave the cold from getting to your bones. Though you’d healed fairly well, your leg still sang a melancholy song of pain with each step you took, earning yourself a slight limp. Your other wounds had healed nicely, slices closing up from your brow to your stomach. It was only really your leg that posed a problem now, though you’d been left with some pretty heft scars. Nothing new.
Walking through the courtyard, soldiers were busying themselves with packing supplies, crates of metal canisters, spare blades, boxes of field rations all being loaded onto various carts. You’d hidden it from Levi, but you intended to go with the group to search the wall. Orders be damned, you weren’t about to sit back and let everyone else do the work for you. You were physically incapable of doing that, and you also knew Levi would overestimate your ability to put sensibility above recklessness. Besides, you weren’t exactly lying…
You just hadn’t admitted the entire truth to him yet. Though it still weighed on you as a betrayal of his trust. Plus it actively drained you to hide things in your mind from him, which you guess made sense. It went against everything the bond was about.
Being caught up in thought, you didn’t see a blonde boy crossing paths with you from the right, almost crashing straight into him. It was only because you heard Eren’s voice and looked up because of it did you manage to stop the collision. 
“Shit, sorry kid, you alright?” you asked, looking back to see where he could have possibly come from. 
“Ah, yeah, I-I’m okay! Sorry, wasn’t looking where I was going,” he explained sheepishly, and you couldn't help but notice a weird resemblance to Erwin. Though this kid’s hair was longer, they had the same star-seeing eyes. 
“Nah, you’re good. Totally my fault, though you looked as deep in thought as I was. Something on your mind?” you don’t really know what prompted you to ask, but he just looked so troubled, you couldn’t help yourself.
“O-oh! No it’s nothing. Just… thinking about the Titan in the walls… and how he got there.” 
You let your mind run for a bit, before finally, realising who the kid was. Were you getting slow in your old age? 
Nah, that can’t be right. You weren’t that old for fuck’s sake.
“Ahh, you must be Armin, right? Eren’s friend?” you asked, earning yourself a look of surprise. “Vice Captain of the Levi Squad, looks like I’ll be riding with you guys.” In an instant, Armin’s fist thumped against his chest in a salute of respect.
“Ma’am! I wasn’t certain at first, but I thought it might have been you. It’s a pleasure to meet you,”
You waved off the salute, unable to help feeling as though you don’t deserve such a show of respect. Your squadmates were dead, afterall, you thought bitterly. “You’re fine, put that away, it’s not meant for me. You’re the one who had the theory about Annie, right?” You asked, now walking alongside the kid to where his friends were already in the cart. 
“Uh, sort of. It was really Commander Erwin and Section Commander Hange, I just suggested who it could be, it wasn’t–”
“Thank you, Armin. I los–” you stopped yourself. This poor kid didn’t need to hear about who you lost to that monster. “A lot of good soldiers died because of her. You helped us take a huge step in this fight for humanity,” Keeping your voice steady despite wanting to scream inside was something you’d become very good at, likely since losing Ilse. “We owe a lot to you and your friends.”
“Haha, Mikasa and Eren did most of the heavy lifting, I just helped with figuring it out.”
He clearly wasn’t used to giving himself credit. If Levi were here, he’d say something stupid like–
–Doesn’t give himself enough credit huh? Sound familiar?–
You huffed, setting your jaw. How did he always know?
–I have no idea what you’re talking about– you bit back defensively. –No it does not sound familiar, thank you very much. And shouldn’t you be concentrating?–
Warm laughter filled your head, and you couldn’t help but let it consume you, thawing your frozen bones. 
–Meeting’s finished. It was about what we thought. Coming up with Nick now. Just waiting on Hange.–
–You only talk in short sentences now? We’re not out in the field, we can talk in full sentences here–
You could hear him sigh almost in disappointment. A terrible dread obscured your thoughts. Did he know already? If he already knew, then this was about to be an awful conversation.
–You know, you’re not subtle. And I’m not stupid.–
–...Levi…–
–You know you can tell me these things, right?–
You muttered various curses, causing the poor young blond walking next to you to cast you a worried look. Shit. “Oh, no not you Armin. Just… remembering something. Don’t worry.”
“Oh… I see…” he responded awkwardly, clearly not knowing what else to say. It didn’t matter to you at the moment. Levi knew of your intentions to accompany the party to the walls, and also knew you’d kept it from him. 
–I… yeah, I know. I just, I knew you would try to stop me. I know it’s not the smartest thing to do in my condition, and I know my orders, but I just… I can’t just sit and let everyone do everything around me. I can’t just stay out of it… you know that.– you confessed. Though you were surprised he was so accepting about it. Honestly you were kind of expecting him to go all protective Levi mode and start trying to talk you out of it.
–The fuck are you talking about? And what do you mean by ‘protective Levi mode’???–
Oh. 
Shit.
–Wait. Was this not what you were talking about…?–
–...No.–
–Fuck.–
–Fuck indeed. We don’t have the time to talk about this now.–
–’Vi, I– –
–No. Later.–
Well fuck. That wasn’t exactly the best outcome. What the fuck could he possibly have been talking about if not that? Had he asked Erwin anything? Had he asked–
Then it hit you, a memory that didn’t belong to you.
“You spoke to her. Around the campfire that night. What did you say?” Levi asked, almost unable to look up from the floor. He was on his way out before Erwin called after him, just to wish him congratulations. It had been unexpected, but not unwelcome. But now he couldn’t even look at the man.
“Nothing of importance. Just congratulating her as well. And warning her from hurting you in any way,” he chuckled as if it were simply something trivial. “I know you’re strong, Levi, but I need you focused. Heartbreak doesn’t do much for a soldier’s motivation.” 
“You know you can just say you were looking out for me, no need for this whole charade,” He rolled his eyes, finally recovering after getting slapped in the face yet again by the realisation that people cared for him. “What did she say in return?”
Erwin sighed, lacing his fingers in front of his nose in thought. “That it was one of her greatest fears, hurting you. And knowing you, you likely have the same thought, no?”
Levi tensed his jaw. He knew hurting each other was a fear within your relationship, considering recent events, but he didn’t know it was your greatest fear. Why hadn’t you told him? You’d told him everything else… right? He was snapped out of his thoughts by Erwin, clearing his throat. 
“I see, I thought she would have told you. I apologise.”
That was all you saw, though it was enough. Not that you could register anything right now. You had so much going on. Too much going on, you couldn’t help but wonder how Eren coped with it all. The future of humanity used to lie on the shoulders of you, your squad and your Captain. Now you’d been unburdened with that demand, though it had been placed onto a child. How the fuck was that fair? And with the breach in Wall Rose, you were so sick of things going wrong it was starting to drive you up the fucking Walls. And now Levi knew you wanted to head out on the expedition later this evening. And from what you could tell, which was a lot, he didn’t seem too happy about it. Fuck this day.
You’d deal with it later. If Levi didn’t want to talk about it now, then you could certainly hold off. Nothing was about to change your mind, and you were content in your decision. You would go on the expedition and deal with the consequences when you came back. To hell with him.
“Great, what the hell does this mean?” 
You were snapped out of your thoughts by Eren already in the wagon, loading up ODM gear and gas canisters. You felt for the kid. He’d only just discovered what he was and already so much had happened since. Barely having time to recover from the fight against Annie and now all his friends had to be sent away in case any more of them were fucking Titans?  
“I don’t know… but they’re Titans, right? Would they seriously break through the Wall with Titans in it?” It was a good question, you had to admit. Armin’s mind was nearly as sharp as Hange’s, if only the kid had more self confidence, he could definitely gun for Commander in the next decade or so, providing he survived that long. 
“Wouldn’t be the first time, right? They did it before.”
It took you a moment to leap onto Armin’s trail of thought, but once you were there, you understood perfectly. “No, they didn’t. That was a gate. They busted through the gate, not the wall.” 
“Exactly, the Walls are different. They don’t have a single crack in them, no weak points other than the gates.” Walls this kid was smart. “There’s no signs of stress, and even stranger, there’s no way of knowing how they were built. They’re just solid walls of stone. No bricks, no nothing.”
“No nothing except Titans…” you knew where he was going with this.
“Armin, Lieutenant… what are you saying?” You couldn’t help but compare this situation to when you and Hange would be brainstorming and Levi would have no idea what you were talking about. Poor Mikasa.
“Suppose… suppose the Walls were made of the same stuff as Annie’s Titan crystal?” Armin posed.
You chewed on the suggestion for a moment. “She used that to cover her nape, right? And she trapped herself in it, so we know it’s versatile,”
“And it’s virtually indestructible, our blades breaking instantly upon impact…” 
Stepping up into the wagon, you held your hand out to help Armin up, taking a seat opposite Eren, who looked utterly horrified.
“So… the Walls are made of Titans? Is that what you’re saying?” He asked, looking down at his own hands as if they were about to catch aflame. 
“It’s just a theory at the moment, but–”
“It’s a solid one. We need to talk to Hange, and if there really is a breach in the Wall…”
The wagon jostled as you were moved into formation, but being so lost in thought you barely noticed. What the hell did this mean for humanity? Being protected by the very things that were trying to annihilate you all. And what would happen if the sun did hit them? What did Pastor Nick know that the rest of you were clueless about? And how was it that some preacher of the Walls knew? There were too many unknowns, it made you uneasy. 
You vaguely registered Mikasa wrapping her cloak around Eren, muttering something about him getting cold. It was sweet, you thought, though it brought you back to the various things you didn’t know about your own bond, wondering if Mikasa knew that’s what had happened between her and Eren, given that it had actually happened, of course. But you’d heard about her uncanny sense whenever Eren was in danger, and thought back to how Levi had the same sense about you. You hoped, for her sake, Eren would realise one day. 
“Sorry to keep you waiting! Didn’t think it would take so long to prepare.” 
You stole your nerves to look their way, though you barely registered Hange’s cheerful wave over Levi’s glare of thunder. At least his heartbeat wasn’t out of sync with yours. So this could be fixed… right? 
The wood creaked in protest as an additional three bodies crammed into the space, you shuffled up as much as you could, your body pressing against the side board as Levi took a seat next to you. You longed to press your face into his neck, but at the same time, you wanted to do anything but that. Joy, more conflicting feelings. 
“But… but he’s a priest from the Order of the Walls… Why is he–”
“I know! Nick and I are inseparable now! It’s alright, makes sense he’s here, just like the rest of us. We’re all rather random.”
It was strange for Hange to make assumptions this way. Ths group was anything but random. “No. The opposite. Erwin’s thrown us together for a reason.” Though what those reasons were, Levi couldn’t hazard a guess. The man’s motives were always mysterious until the final moments, when all would be revealed. It was an irritating habit. 
He needed to talk to you, finally realising what your intentions were, he couldn’t let you do this. You were still badly injured, and though you were recovering well, he knew your wounds were deeper than those surface level scratches. And if your stitches blew out in the field, you were dead. That was it. He couldn’t even believe you were considering this, let alone having made up your mind. It was stupid. Reckless. And downright selfish of you. 
“The condition of Wall Rose is currently unknown, but everything up to Erhmich district is safe. That’s the path we’ll be taking. Move out!” Erwin’s voice boomed from the front of the formation, loud enough that you were certain the entirety of Trost would have heard the announcement of departure. 
You stayed completely silent, debating more than ever what your next moves should be. How had things gone so damn badly? How had everything turned to shit so fucking quickly? It only felt like yesterday you were playing strip poker with your squad and now they were all fucking dead, two kids can turn into Titans and there was another fucking breach. You sighed, teeth gnawing at any loose bit of skin they could find on your lips. A habit you hadn’t indulged in a while. 
“You heard him. Get going.” It was a weak hope that speaking up so suddenly would get you to stop tearing apart your lower lip, his own stinging with each pull. You bit down a little too hard as the wagon jostled to life, and Levi almost winced with the sharp hurt. You, on the other hand, didn’t look too bothered by it, taking the opportunity to suck on the blood like some little fucked up vampire. If he wasn’t furious with you right now, he would have taken your hand into his own, current company be damned. 
He loosened a breath. Being angry with you was foreign and unknown and downright awful. He wanted to talk to you, to somehow ease the worries in your head, but he had no idea how to start a conversation with you at the moment. Not that he was ever very good with his words. Putting his opinions aside, Levi dropped his hand to brush against your arm.
Though when you flinched slightly, he wished lightning would strike him where he sat. You still refused to look at him, but he didn’t need to see your face to know you were radiating some kind of guilty resolve. You did nothing but continue to bite your lip, your fingers now tearing at your cuticles. He hadn’t seen you this stressed since you walked into his office and announced his squad would be helping Hange on their capture mission. Fuck that seemed like years ago now. 
“Well I should probably explain what we know from our friend Nick here,” Hange began, clasping a firm, almost threatening arm around the man’s shoulders. “You see, it was Nick who told us to cover the Titan in the Wall, assuming it would move should sunlight hit it. Just how he knew this, we have yet to find out.” With a quick glance to the opposite three in the wagon, you could tell they were just as baffled as you all were. 
“Wait wait wait, back up, this guy knew?! He knew and he said nothing!?” Eren exclaimed, leaning forward to almost throttle the man. 
“Uh huh, ‘friad so. And unfortunately, that’s about all he’s said. But, we all know now, of course. He doesn’t wanna talk quite yet, but that’s likely to change with a harsh dose of reality. It’s his faith keeping him quiet, but first hand experience though, we–”
“To hell with that!” 
You almost jumped at Eren’s shouting, standing and slamming his hands down on the table separating the two sides. Though if you were being honest, you missed the fighting talk from the kid.  “If this son-of-a-bitch knows something, he needs to come out with it! We’re on the brink of extinction and he’s deciding to keep quiet about what he knows? Caring only about keeping some stupid oath?!” Eren’s tone only rose with each point he made, stopping only due to what you assumed was his exhaustion spiking a sudden headache. A hand braced against the side of his head, Mikasa guided him to sit back down. 
“Take it easy Eren, you still haven’t fully recovered.” Oh she was so in love with him. It actually made you smile slightly, though it was short lived. Nothing lasts forever in the Scouts. 
Your chest constricted at the thought, and you glanced down to see Levi’s balled fist. 
And if you weren’t so busy wondering what the fuck you should do, you would have found him pulling a gun ridiculously attractive. What was wrong with you?
“There’s more than one way to get people to talk. Sure, I’m not exactly in top shape right now, but I know it doesn’t take much strength to pull a trigger. Having said that, I genuinely hope I won’t have to blow a hole in you to settle this. How ‘bout you?”
You once again cursed your current situation for not reacting after he’d just said maybe the single hottest thing you’d ever heard come from his mouth. If you weren’t in such emotional turmoil, you definitely would have started teasing him in front of everyone. 
But you were drained, and any will you had to do so had drained also.
A brief silence settled in the wagon as everyone remembered that, sure he wasn’t on active duty right now, but they were still sitting in the presence of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, and it was still intimidating. 
Well, everyone except for Hange.
“Threatening him doesn’t work, Levi. I went to throw him off the top of Wall Sina. So trust me on that. And whether you agree with him or not, Nick here is a man of principle. Which has gotta make you think, if he’s so unwilling to talk, what in heaven’s name is he putting above the fate of humanity?”
Now that placed a blanket of silence over the wagon. Because it was one hell of a good question. What was he holding above the fate of the human race? What did he deem more important than humanity’s future? 
With the conversation coming to a halt, you tilted your head back to the moonlit canopy overhead, rogue embers floating within the leaves without a care in the world. You wonder if they knew their life was short. If you knew they had these last few seconds of freedom before they faded to nothing, returning to whatever elements they were composed of. But isn’t that all anything was? A brief interval from the void of non-existence? You suddenly envied those embers. They’d never experienced grief, or heartbreak, or loss in any way. They burned, and they burned beautifully until their inevitable end. Which is all anyone could strive to do, you thought. Burn beautifully. 
Despite the morbid nature of your thought trail, you smiled. Because you knew everyone around you was doing just that. Burning beautifully. 
Levi had taken a whistlestop tour into your mind for a split second, just to see how you were holding up. What he wasn’t expecting, however, was for you to be having philosophical revelations over fire. At least you weren’t thinking about the mission he wasn’t about to let you go on. He’d take philosophy over that any day of the week. 
Though his own tired head thought otherwise. Too much had happened to be entertaining your thoughts, so he returned to his own, only now noticing Hange staring unblinkingly at a rock. It was unusual for them to be doing unusual things, but at least it was a distraction from whatever the fuck was going on with you.
“Hey Four Eyes,” –He leaned forward slightly, looking past Nick to Hange still staring at the rock– “since when did you take an interest in geology? Or is your life so boring even rocks have become fascinating, looks like you’re about to drool.” 
Hange looked up, as if they’d just been dragged from a good book. “Hm? Oh, this? It’s not a rock. At least, not an ordinary one. It’s a hardened piece of skin, left behind by the Female Titan.”
That caught your attention. Snapping out of your thoughts, you too turned to look at Hange, your expression mirroring Armin’s as he gasped slightly. “Wait, it didn’t vanish?” He asked, eyes wide with what you could only just discern as shocked intrigue. 
“No! It broke off when she reverted back to her human form. It didn’t evaporate… didn’t simply go poof,” Their enthusiasm for the conversation only increased tenfold, and you could tell as soon as they started to use onomatopoeias. “Which got me thinking… and when I compared it with a piece from the Wall, its texture and molecular structure were, for all intents and purposes, virtually identical. So basically speaking–”
“We’re being protected by the very things that are trying to devour us, only ten times bigger than average.” You finished, glancing between Armin and Hange. You’d already had a conversation like this with the blond, but now at least you knew Hange had the same theory. 
“Exactly, and if my hypothesis is correct, the Walls were constructed using consolidated Titan skin.” Hange confirmed, to the disgusted horror of the opposite three. 
“You’re kidding… that’s what Armin and the Lieutenant were just talking about.” Mikasa observed, wide eyed. But she wasn’t wrong. That was exactly what you and Armin were discussing. Honestly, not to be condescending to the girl, but you were impressed she was following.
Armin once again gasped, shooting forward in his seat. “So then–” he began, only to be rudely cut off by Hange’s hand to his face.
Unfortunately for them, you’d just had exactly the same revelation. You borderline launched across Levi, slamming your hand down on the table. “You want to–” 
However, you too received a Hange hand to the face.
“Easy there you two, it’s rude to steal somebody else’s thunder dontcha know. As it stands, we’d be hard pressed to find a rock large enough to seal Wall Rose again. It would have to be just the right shape and size, and we don’t have specifics yet,” 
You fought to free yourself from Hange’s grip, desperate to contribute to the solution and listening to Armin frantically try and talk through their other palm.
“On the other hand, where there’s a will, there’s a way. Just picture it, Eren using his own hardening ability whilst in Titan form!” They revealed, finally releasing both you and the blond from their hands. You shook your head slightly, instantly wiping your face because heaven knows where Hange’s hands had been. 
Frowning, you slouched back in your seat, folding your arms. You thought of that too. 
“Then I could… patch the hole.” Eren came to the realisation much slower than you and Armin, though you guessed, since this actually concerned him and it was all incredibly new for him, he had other things to think about. 
“The sealant should be composed of the same material, and, like with Annie’s crystal, it shouldn’t disappear once you revert to human. This might be less of a long shot than it sounds. Whaddya think?”
If Levi was given a coin for every time you and Hange got carried away in conversation to the point where he could no longer follow, he could retire within the next year. However with this boy genius now added to the mix, he realised where this was going only a few moments before Eren did. Though your pouting did almost make him laugh. He knew you would have wanted to jump in, because he knew you would have been right there with Hange’s theory. He knew you were smart enough. And he hoped that was good enough for you.
“The greater the risk, the greater the reward,” You leaned forward again, clearly having gotten over your petulance.
“And if we can patch up Wall Rose… then Wall Maria starts to look fairly promising. And vital though it is, the outposts infrastructure slows us down to a crawl,” Armin continued, and Levi couldn’t help but find it a little weird how he was now finishing your sentences.
“The time and resources needed to transport materials are immense,” and vice versa, he discovered as soon as you took off from where he left. This was getting ridiculous. 
“But… if we can nullify the necessity for supply wagons, we could get to Shiganshina much faster… And what if we decided to carry out the plan at the dead of night?!” Armin posed, stony determination written on his face. You couldn’t help but smile slightly, having found yourself on the exact same wavelength.
“Night?” It was Hange now who was having trouble keeping up, and though you felt the urge to explain, they had a point earlier. Stealing somebody else’s thunder was rude, and you realised Armin needed all the confidence boosts he could get.
“Yes! When the Titans are more or less motionless!” He finished, clearly waiting with some kind of validation on his theoretical plan.
“Huh… that’s not bad. In fact, it’s genius, particularly if the group is small enough to slip on by undetected.” –Hange looked back down at the small crystal in their hand– “The straits we’re in are about as dire as they come, but this could turn the tides completely.” 
“We have to bear in mind though, this entire plan hinges on whether or not Eren can seal the hole again.” You really did hate to be the one to throw a bucket of cold water on the atmosphere, especially when you saw Armin’s proud smile falter slightly, but he knew as well as you did it was a good point.
Hange looked across to Eren, who you could see was visibly sweating despite the slight chill of the night. “It’s probably unfair of me to even ask but… do you think you can?” They asked, brows pinching in slight sheepish guilt. 
The wagon once again fell silent as all eyes fell to the teen who wasn’t looking at any of you. Once again, you could tell he was feeling the weight of the future on his shoulders, and your heart constricted for him. Ever since that night after you’d almost killed him, when he’d accidentally turned Titan and scared the ever loving shit out of you and your squad, you’d found a new respect for him. Having now understood the burdens of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, you could only imagine what Eren was going through. 
“What he thinks really isn’t the problem here,” Levi finally found his voice, having been in complete awe of you and the way your mind worked. “You either will, or you won’t. That’s the reality of the situation. Our comrades are breaking their backs, but without you, it’s pointless. Failure here isn’t an option.”
You knew he was right. You knew he was just adding gravity where the rest of you had lost it, bringing the conversation back down to earth, but did he really have to be so stern? So pressuring?
–I think he knows how important this is. Stop adding unnecessary weight.– You couldn’t help yourself, a weird kind of protective nature coming over you. You saw out of your peripheral his hands balling into fists.
–So now you wanna talk?–
–You were the one who shut down the conversation, not me. I was just doing what you asked.– 
Levi’s frustrated sigh blew about your head, before the tension was broken by Eren’s desperate enthusiasm to prove himself. “Sir! I know, and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes… that’s a promise.”
There and then, you could see just how heavy his memories were. You understood his guilt because you understood Levi’s guilt. You knew he felt every single life lost around him, because he was supposed to be strong enough to move forward. He was supposed to be strong enough to protect people, to take the hits when nobody else could. 
“My father’s cellar…” You tilted your head to one side, willing to put your current feud away and glance at Levi, who glanced back at you, before you both looked back at Eren, awaiting an explanation. “That’s… that’s where the answers are. If there was even a grain of truth in what he told me, everything depends on us making it there.” 
You didn’t have time to wonder what the hell that meant, before Hange announced your location; “Well, here’s Ermich.” 
Nerves bubbled in your gut, this being the place where you knew you were about to have the biggest argument in your relationship. You felt Levi tense next to you, knowing he was thinking the same thing. But neither of you were backing out of this, that much was clear. 
Hopping out of the wagon, you chose to ignore the slight bite in your thigh from your injuries, taking a moment to stretch out your back. You noticed Levi had already set off with Nick, and though you weren’t alone with Hange, you were still going to take this opportunity to talk with them. “Hey, Hans?”
Once again, like a breath of fresh air, Hange beamed at you, despite the previous conversation in the wagon. “What’s up? The atmosphere there was kinda frosty for a second huh? That Armin kid though… he’s pretty damn smart, and to come up with a plan for Shiganshina so quickly… I reckon he’d make a pretty great Commander one day.” They started off on their own conversation as the two of you made your way through Ermich district. 
“Yeah, we’d had a brief conversation before the journey about the Walls and the Titans inside and such, we pretty much came to the same conclusion.” You defended stiffly, only to Hange’s delight. 
“Awww, jealous I got there before you? Sorry sunshine, only a few have brains like these!” They skipped, and you genuinely couldn’t understand how their demeanour could shift so quickly and so dramatically. Though, you remembered a time where Levi said that about you, how you could shift your personality from casual to professional in the blink of an eye. 
You grit your teeth. Thinking about him hurt.
“Yeah yeah, whatever. I just wanted to let ya know that I’ll likely be joining you on the mission.” You tried to mention it as nonchalantly as you possibly could, but no amount of casualness could have warned them of that. 
Hange stopped in their tracks. “Aren’t you supposed to be off active duty for the time being?”
“I can stand, can I not? And I’m walking, am I not? I don’t have a good reason to be resting.” You defended adamantly. You knew this was exactly what Levi was going to say as well, so you’d already come up with arguments.
“Does Levi know?” They asked softly, and when you didn’t respond, Hange placed a hand on your shoulder. “I was wondering what had happened between you two, things seemed different in the wagon than they were this morning. Don’t solidify anything yet. Wait until you talk with him. I’d say we have roughly half an hour turnover. If you’re still set after talking to him, I’d be happy for the help.”
“You know, he doesn’t make my decisions for me.” You tried to keep the venom from your voice, but failed miserably. Hange knew, of course. They knew this wasn’t coming from a place of rage or anger with them.
“He’s your Captain. He technically does.”
“My Captain, huh? Of what squad, Hange?” It was a brutal blow, and had it been anyone else you were talking to, you know they would have walked away by now, either your glare or the toxicity in your tone causing them to leave. However, this was Hange. Hange who knew both yourself and Levi, sometimes better than you knew each other. Hange, who knew grief just as well as you did, and still managed to do everything they could. Hange, who also had friends out there in the field right now, and who hadn’t heard from them in hours, and didn’t know if they were still alive. 
They squeezed their calming hand on your shoulder. “Speak to Levi first, as a favour to me.” 
You sighed, feeling the tension sapping from your spine, knowing they were right. “Fine, but I’ve made up my mind.” 
Hange smiled in understanding, continuing on their path with you by their side. “I know you have, but if you sneak out and Levi knows I knew, I won’t live to see the sunrise.” 
Huffing a chuckle, you nodded in agreement. That was likely true, unfortunately for the both of you. Glancing back, you watched the three behind you for a brief moment. Watched as Mikasa tried to wrap Eren’s cloak back around his shoulders, to the teen’s dismay, whilst Armin tried to calm the two of them down and stop their bickering. It was a sickening reminder that, after everything, they were still just kids. 
“It’s sad. Not only was their childhood cut short, but now they hold the weight of the future on their shoulders. Eren specifically, but you can see it on Armin and Mikasa too. The way they care so much for him, but he feels the need to do everything alone. It’s so lonely.” You thought aloud, cracking your neck to the side.
“You sound like you're speaking from experience.” Hange observed, glancing down to you with an eye raised.
“Not quite. But I know how it is for Levi. I know that, even given the chance to, he would rather die than pass his title on to somebody else. Not for any sort of pride reasons, but because he wouldn’t want that burden to befall another soul. He carries it because he knows it’s necessary to do so, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.” It was a losing battle, keeping your frustration from bubbling to the surface. On the outside, it just seemed like you were explaining something not many people would have an insight into. On the inside, however…
You wanted to scream.
Despite the morbid display in front of him, hundreds upon hundreds of people having lost their homes due to the recent breach, Levi couldn’t help but listen to your conversation with Hange. To be understood on such a fundamental level was still incredibly new for him, so to hear your voice exactly how he felt a majority of the time…
It solidified his need to stop you from going on this mission. 
“You know him well, huh?” This was a side to Hange you didn’t see very often. The softer, more sentimental side to the ‘mad scientist’ everyone knew. It was part of the reason you liked them so much. 
“And you know why, so you don’t need to act clueless.” Once again you came incredibly close to telling them everything, but you held off. Despite there being a small rift between the two of you at the moment, you knew that was something you needed to discuss with Levi. 
You both climbed the steps into the barracks, hearing Eren, Mikasa and Armin still behind you.
“Hey Eren!” Hange gestured for the teen to join them, and so you took a step back, allowing them to have their conversation without interference. “Once we leave Ermich, we’ll be in Titan territory for sure.”
“Think you’re well enough to ride a horse yet?” 
You’d almost completely forgotten Moblit was on this expedition, considering he didn’t ride with you in the wagon. It was only now did you see Hange relax slightly, having not even noticed they were slightly tense. You half smiled with the realisation. 
And it was now you really missed being on good terms with your partner. Because you knew he would have had something to say about that.
“Yeah, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.” Eren responded, though he sounded exhausted. 
“Saddle up then soldier, there’s one waiting for you on the left lift.” You thought a lot about the shift you and Hange could perform between professional and casual, though you’d never considered how different Moblit was behind closed doors. You guessed, when he didn’t have the pressure of being Hange’s right hand man, he could well and truly relax. 
Though the only visual indication you had was Hange’s widening eyes, you’d already felt Levi’s growing presence behind you. You turned, seeing almost exactly what you predicted, only Nick looked more remorseful than he did in your mind’s eye. You couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 
“Section Commander, we’re pressed for time!” Moblit called out as Hange jogged back past you.
“Gimme a second will ya?” They called back, before addressing Nick. “So, you seen the light yet by any chance?” 
If you took a shot for every time silence had settled it’s blanket over your group today, you’d likely be in the medical wing. The air was charged as you all waited for Nick’s response, before realising he was going to hold his tongue. And finally, finally, Hange had enough. “Goddamnit! This isn’t some fucked up spiritual test, real human lives are on the line here so make up your mind!” 
And for the first time since he sat his holy ass on that cart, Nick spoke; “Alas, I have no choice. None of us, not myself nor the others who believe are at liberty to divulge the truth.”
Ooo did you want to punch his teeth in. You knuckled itched to be thrust through his jaw.
“Well fat lot of you help you were! Thanks ever so much for keeping us company, it’s been a fucking joy!” It took all of your willpower to, despite your situation, stifle your laughter at their sarcastic rage as they abruptly turned on their heels and started to stomp away.
“I would offer my help if I could, but a duty as great as this one is beyond me. The Order of the Walls abides by the sacred will our faith commands us to obey.” He seemed so solemn you almost pitied the man. Almost.
“Who’s sacred will? You mean like God or something?” Hange questioned with no small degree of snark.
“I can’t answer that.” God fucking damnit! “But… what I can do is provide you with a name. An individual the sacred will and it’s divine wisdom instructed us to monitor.”
You couldn’t tell if he was using way too many words in sentences deliberately, or whether or not that was seriously the title they gave the head of their religion. “Monitor?” You asked aloud, glancing at Hange who nodded in approval. That was clearly their next question.
Nick sighed before continuing on. “It’s a person you know. Someone who enlisted in the Scout Regiment as of this year. A child by the name of–”
“Important message!” The pastor was drowned out by the arrival of a messenger loudly announcing her presence. She didn’t even stop to knock or read the room, just barged straight in with her agenda. But that didn’t stop you or your companions to hear the name he’d just uttered. Christa Lenz.  “I’m with the 104th Cadet Corps. Oh and my name is Sasha Braus!” 
You blinked in surprise, finally turning your head to look at the girl. You still didn’t really know the 104th that well, only really being well acquainted with Eren, for obvious reasons. But you knew of Sasha, and you’d heard her speak before. However the accent you’d previously noticed seemed to have vanished into thin air. Interesting. 
“No way…”
“Wait, who?”
Sasha strode up to Hange, scroll in hand. “This is for you, Section Commander.” Though she was completely ignored, the room’s attention now being completely on the Pastor. 
“You must find her with all haste. She is the key. She may know things we understand, but poorly.” You glanced to Hange, who mirrored your look. Who the fuck was this girl, and more importantly, who was she to Eren, Armin and Mikasa for them to be so floored by this? “And with that, we come to the end of what I am free to share with you. The rest I leave in your capable hands.” 
“Wait, if she’s in the 104th… she’d be on the front lines by now.” You realised, wide eyes flicking between Hange and Nick. 
“Then let’s go! We’re already pressed for time, we don’t have any to lo–” Though you admired Eren for his gung-ho attitude, you admired him less when he didn’t look where he was going and ran straight into poor Sasha who had been waiting incredibly patiently with her scroll, sending her crashing to the ground. 
“Watch where you’re going!” Hange called out, the room’s attention shifting to the poor girl on the floor. 
“Sasha?!”
“Just where did you come from all of a sudden?” Mikasa asked, and you couldn’t help but raise a brow. Had nobody else heard the girl enter? Seriously? 
Once again you wished you could talk to Levi about this, but he’d been silent in your head since the wagon. You kept your sigh internal. 
As if remembering she was here for a purpose and not just to lie on the floor, Sasha gasped, snatching up the parchment that had fallen from her hands and barrelling through her three friends toward Hange. “I was sent to deliver a message to the Commander, who then entrusted me to get this to you Section Commander!” The girl spoke without breathing, and you absently wondered if this was her first time delivering a message. Before realising that yeah, this was most likely her first time delivering a message.
Good for her.
The girl borderline folded in half at the waist as she bowed, holding the scroll out for Hange with both open palms. You stifled a snort, pretending to pick at your lips to hide your smile.
Levi had been borderline completely silent throughout this entire exchange, not having much to say. However, that didn’t mean his eyes didn’t work. He noticed every little thing you did, every little micro-expression you made, whether it be concern, confusion, determination, and now hidden amusement. It warmed him that you could still smile at things, despite everything. 
“Uh, okay then… excellent work!” Hange seemed a little taken aback by the girl’s formal enthusiasm, but swiftly replaced the scroll with a baked potato from the supply crate, and you watched as Sasha all but melted on the spot, before taking one of the largest bites you’d ever seen a human being take out of anything, half wondering if she had Titan genes.
“So, who the hell was Nick talking about?” You turned your attention back to the conversation at hand, asking the three who already seemed to know her what was on everyone else’s minds.
“She was the smallest one in our class,” Eren answered, crouching to secure his boots.
“Golden hair, blue eyes. In fact… she was kinda cute.” You had to double take to make sure you actually heard that correctly. 
“The girl who’s always hanging around Ymir.” Mikasa clarified, and you looked at Hange just as their eyes widened. 
“Wh– Excuse me?” That had triggered something in their brain, but whatever that may have been, you guessed you would find out at a later date. Another quick glance around the room told you nobody else had quite had that same reaction. But that’s normal for Hange. 
You watched them stare in contemplation for a moment, before brushing off whatever they were thinking, clearly filing it away for later. But with everyone standing around, it was starting to irritate you that nothing was being done. “Alright, no point in doing nothing, start loading up supplies onto the lifts.” It was better than nothing, right? And it was nice to know people still regarded you with some kind of authority, as footsteps instantly started echoing off the stone walls. Hange helpfully took a seat on one of those crates, pulling at the string from around the paper handed to them by Sasha. Glancing to a smaller box of food to your left, you carried it under your arm, handing it off to Moblit who nodded at you in thanks. 
“That the background report?” You asked, leaning against their shoulder slightly, skim-reading the first few paragraphs.
“Yeah… yeah it is.”
“Background report?” Eren asked, his head almost comically popping up from behind one of the crates he was trying to lift.
“Ah, yeah. I asked for a background report on Annie Leonhart. It was a lot slower than I was hoping for, what with paper trails being a total catastrophe at the moment, but according to this, there were two other cadets in the 104th who came from the same area. One Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover.” Hange looked up from their paper, surveying the three before them. You, however, turned to Sasha, who’d looked as if she’d seen a ghost.
Too many revelations in one night. Too much information revealed in such a short amount of time. Levi kept his eye on Eren, the boy already having suffered enough. And no, whilst his own comments didn’t help settle the teens nerves, he also knew what was necessary to get through to him. He didn’t want to have to keep jabbing at him, and if this mission wasn’t so crucial, he wouldn’t have to. But with this perhaps being the only shot at sealing the wall they would get, he didn’t regret being harsh on him. Even if it had earned him some dirty looks from you.
Hange continued; “Don’t have many records about them, and any records we do have are unreliable, thanks to the chaos five years ago. However…” Placing the paper down on a makeshift table, Hange pointed to the skeleton of the scouting formation, “We do know in the long range scouting formation, their unit was given false information, among those intentionally misled into thinking Eren was in the right wing.” You felt a migraine coming on, your head starting to pulse ever so slightly, which considering your situation and circumstances, you couldn’t be surprised.
Though, out of instinct, your eyes slid to Levi and his surroundings, just to make sure it wasn’t the bond telling you he was in some kind of danger. Which, taking note of what was next to and behind him, he wasn’t. Just a normal migraine. You didn’t know which was worse at this point. At least you could do something about him being in danger.
–What?– Walls, he still sounded irritated.
–Nothing. Just a headache.– You weren’t about to admit that you were staring at him to make sure he was okay. If you were anything, you were petty. 
Levi already knew about the headache, he could feel it himself. He also knew why you suddenly looked over at him. He hated that his heart softened slightly. He was still livid with you for fuck’s sake. But the way you instantly looked to make sure he wasn’t in harm’s way…
How was he supposed to be okay with you riding to battle without him by your side?
“Wait just a second… that’s the section Annie attacked!” Armin realised, causing Sasha to almost break her neck by whipping her head to look at him. 
“What? What does that mean?” She asked, barely able to keep her voice from shaking. 
“Well… it’s entirely plausible that they told her where they thought Eren was…”
“Huh…? But why would they do that…?” The poor girl asked, her head tilted to one side. You thought she was kind of sweet, in her own way.
Glancing to Hange, who had already put the pieces together before you, they nodded in confirmation to where you’d just ended up with your thoughts. Reiner Braun and Bertholt Hoover were the most possible candidates for the Armoured and Colossal Titans. 
“Where are you going with this Armin? You can’t just accuse–” Eren started what clearly was about to become a heated argument, before he was interrupted by the scientist at your side.
“I totally agree. There’s a difference between coincidence and correlation,” –but didn’t they just confirm your thoughts?– “However, I’m curious to know how the three interacted whilst training. So? What can you tell me?”
As per usual, it was Armin who spoke first. “I knew Reiner and Bertholdt were from the same region as Annie, but honestly? They never seemed that friendly toward each other.”
“Same here,” Eren continued. “You wouldn’t really catch them idly chatting away, and even when they did talk, it was usually curt. It wasn’t like Annie was very social to begin with.” 
You tried to stop your bubbling hatred at the way they were talking about the Female Titan as if she were a normal human girl, and not some twisted psychopath who’d ripped your family to shreds. But it was proving difficult.
“Yeah… at meals, she seemed to prefer eating by herself. I don’t know…” Sasha thought for a moment, before her face lit up and she slapped her own fist, an idea popping into her head. “Oh! I think I've got something that struck me as weird at the time!”
Okay. Sweet? Yes. Any sense of urgency or necessary words in a sentence? No.
“I heard she liked sweets!” 
Seriously? You sighed heavily. 
“I’ve got nothing…” Mikasa began, before her eyes lit up slightly too. You guessed that was her own version of slapping her hand in realisation. “Except maybe that–”
“Guys, what are we doing? These are our friends we’re talking about. Our comrades. Sure, Bertholdt never has a lot to say, but Reiner’s like everyone’s big brother, ya know?”
No, actually, you wouldn’t know. You had a little brother, and you couldn’t remember a single thing about him. Not even his face. Not even his name. 
“You really think he’s capable of lying to us?” Eren finished with a surprising amount of conviction for someone who’d seen first hand the devastation the Female left in her wake. 
“Not only that,” you chimed in. “But how would Leonhart have known to change course? Hange said that unit was fed false intel, so how could she possibly have known where we actually were?” It was a question more to provoke thought than to disprove theories, to get further answers flowing, because how could she have known?
“You both have a point. Reiner fought Annie with everything he had. Almost got himself squeezed to a pulp in the process. And as for–” Armin stopped dead in his tracks, as if remembering something. 
“Armin?” You prompted, causing the blond to raise his head again. 
“He broke free at the last minute… but afterwards, Annie changed her course. In fact, she ran straight toward where you were. I briefly mentioned that you were most likely towards the centre rank but there was no way she could possibly have heard me. She wasn’t in earshot at the time, I’m sure of it.” For someone who’s words carried such conviction, Armin really had to work on his tone sounding unsure of himself. His mind truly was brilliant, as was his memory, it seemed.
“Do you remember if he seemed overly interested in Eren’s location?” You pressed, knowing you were almost to the bottom of how the fuck Leonhart found your squad. And with what looked like dawning realisation, you knew you had your answer.
“Oh no… the only reason I brought it up was because Reiner asked where Eren might be…” You had to fight the instinct to cross the room and envelope the kid in a hug. This wasn’t his fault, he had no way of knowing. You of all people could understand misplaced blame, and you knew he’d be blaming himself. “There’s… something else. Once he broke free, she stood there staring at her palm, possibly–”
“Looking at whatever Reiner had just carved into it with his blades, right?” You felt the familiar fire of battle rise in your gut, now more ready than ever to take on the fucker who lead your friends straight to their deaths. 
Armin nodded in confirmation and with a hint of what you thought was gratitude that he didn’t have to say it out loud. “Maybe… maye Reiner is…”
The room fell stagnant, Levi briefly noticing that you could hear the whispers of the dead if you listened hard enough. He could feel your iron determination in his stomach and it only worsened his pool of dread. Convincing you not to do this might be harder than he initially thought. 
“What is wrong with you all…?” Eren began, looking desperately between his friends. “This is Reiner we’re talking about. The man’s been with us from the beginning. You don’t just–”
“Enough!” Hange interrupted, commanding an impressive amount of the room’s attention with one order. You couldn’t help but admire them briefly. “All of you, listen up. If you cross paths with the pair in question, don’t give them any indication of what we’ve discussed, okay? And under no circumstances are you to bring up Annie Leonhart in their company. Before we can ascertain whether or not they were co-conspirators, we must find, lure and contain them underground. That’s the plan, are we clear?”
The room was a well orchestrated chorus of “Yes, clear.” before once again soldiers started busying themselves around you.
“Right, we have to go. Now!” The sheer, stony determination in Eren’s voice brought a flare of pride to your chest. He’d just found out the entire room was suspecting one of his greatest friends as an enemy of humanity and he was still as ready as ever to gallop off into action. 
“Calm down, Eren.” 
How many times had you heard those words in exactly that tone? You glanced back to see Levi looking between the three, a hand still clasped at the jacket around his shoulders. “I need you all to listen. This is where we separate. Erwin had his reasons for throwing this rag-tag squad together, but right now this is all riding on you.”
You wanted to slap him. As if the kid needed any more fucking pressure.
“Armin, you and Hange are the brains. Use your combined knowledge to cook us up some kind of solution,” He barely waited for a response from the blond before moving on. “Mikasa, I don’t think I’ll ever understand why you’re so attached to this guy in particular but put your skills to good use. Protect him at all costs.”
Your suspicions about her own bond only solidified with her answer. “Sir, I intend to.” You could see how her and Levi were related in some way.
“And you,” he turned to Eren and you saw him flinch slightly. You imagined not many people could make him flinch, having a fighting spirit like his, but you also weren’t too surprised that one of those few people just so happened to be your partner. “Don’t fuck this up.” 
Great. Now you wanted to kick him as well. 
“Check your emotions, Eren,” you clenched your jaw when Levi glanced at you with a look of purpose only you could see. “Learn the meaning of the word restraint. If you let yourself succumb to blind rage all hope is lost. We can’t afford another mistake.” You borderline snarled as you felt each one of his words against your gut. You fucking knew he wasn’t just talking to Eren. You knew he was sending those messages to you too. But you weren’t succumbing to blind rage. For the first time since that day, you were seeing clearly. You knew what you had to do. This wasn’t some passionate, miscalculated display of fury. This was what was necessary in order for yourself, and humanity, to move on. 
“Alright everyone, we move out in five. Everyone, check your gear and any supplies you think you’ll need!” Moblit called out above the slight din. And so you left down the steps to do just that. To find a quiet room to check your gear and engage in possibly the hardest fight in your life so far.
Because there was only one thing more terrifying than a Titan, and he just so happened to be the other half of your soul.
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You heard him before you saw him, uneven, thunderous footsteps echoing down the hallway before Levi’s hand slapped the door so hard you felt the tingles of pain in your own palms. Those extra few seconds gave you time to prepare for whatever was about to happen.
He slammed the door behind him, rending not the jumped response he was expecting from you. That did not bode well.
“You’re not going.” 
“You physically cannot stop me.”
“It’s an order.”
You stopped fastening the belts to your thighs, savouring the sharp burn over your stitches. “Then I guess this is insubordination.” You responded firmly, before moving onto the next strap. You’d made up your mind. You were going, and that was final.
“You’re fucking kidding me, right? Were you not listening?”
“Nope. You can’t stop me doing this, ‘Vi. Nothing can stop me from doing this. If this is a step closer to understanding what’s going on, then I have to help them take it.”
“Even if that means risking your life?”
You scoff, not looking up from the straps on your legs. Though you weren’t doing a lot with them, just mindlessly checking them with faux importance. “Levi, every step outside those walls we risk our lives. Why is this any different?”
“Fuck, do I really have to spell it out for you?” 
“You’re asking me to put this relationship above fighting for humanity?” 
“Yes!” He answered before even thinking about it. 
You both fell silent, staring at each other. Because in the end, that’s what this came down to. Choosing between him or humanity. You always thought you would choose him. Fuck the world, fuck the Titans, fuck everything. It could all burn if it meant you could stay with him. 
But that was before Levi gave you a reason to keep fighting. If anything, he only had himself to blame. “You of all people should know that’s not possible.” It was a spiteful, venomous jab of a comment, but there was no room left for sympathy in you right now. “There has to be meaning…” you whispered, and you could feel him stop, the fight draining from his heart.
“There will–”
“No. There won’t. Not if I don’t make sure of it. You told me… you told me we keep fighting to give their deaths meaning. So let me fight. Please, Levi. I have to. Because I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to continue if everytime I get hurt I fucking hide. If I can walk, I can fight.
“And I’m walking pretty damn well.”
Levi ran a hand through his hair. He knew this would happen eventually. Knew there would be a time where you would have to run into a battle without him, it was inevitable in the Scouts, and he was only human. 
But not yet. 
Not now. 
He thought you were fucking dead days ago. He thought he’d lost you. Having you close was the only way of knowing you weren’t dead. The bond hadn’t helped that day, what had helped was seeing you alive. 
What if he never saw you alive again?
“I can’t let you do this… If something happened and I wasn’t there–”
“Then you’d be dead too, so it doesn’t matter anyway.”
Silence.
“How can you fucking say that…? How can you say that after what happened…? We don’t even know if that’s how it works and you’re still willing to risk it?” It was a kind of betrayal Levi didn’t think he’d ever felt before. Because this was you choosing to go away. You were choosing to leave him behind and risk the bond, risk him. Because no matter what happened, bond or no bond, if you died, he would die too.
You’d been too caught up in your grief to really think about it. Being the one to almost die, the one unconscious, you hadn’t thought about what it was like for him, hearing your voice fade from his head, feeling your presence disappear from within his chest. You hadn’t thought about it, and your constant companion of guilt thrived because of it.
“Levi…”
“Don’t. That doesn’t matter.”
You tried to reach for him, but he stepped back. “You know, Erwin told me what you said your biggest fear was. Was it a lie?”
Tears pricked your eyes, whether from the all too real wound burning on your thigh from how tight you’d pulled the strap, or the all too real wound burning in your heart, you couldn’t tell. “...No, ‘Vi. It wasn’t a lie.”
When he finally met your gaze, you had to look away. You’d never seen him look so vulnerable, so torn apart. “Then why are you doing this?”
Why were you hurting him so fucking badly?
“You know why.”
Because it would only get worse if you didn’t do this. And you would never be able to forgive yourself. 
–I love you…–
“Then prove it…!” he begged, uncaring about the desperation breaking in his voice. “Stay…”
He knew the second he’d said it, you’d already made up your mind.
“...I can’t.”
His eyes widened slightly, taking a moment to comprehend what you’d just said and the meaning behind it. 
“Then what are we still doing?” 
Your entire world shattered with those words. You had no response, nothing to give him. You’d found yourself at a crossroads, two paths stretching either side. 
“What do you mean…?” you asked, too afraid to raise your voice higher than a whisper. 
Anger had fueled his words. Anger and hurt. He didn’t know how to get you to see, how to get you to back down from this. No amount of begging or pleading could get you to change your mind, so where was the point? His soul screamed at him to change his mind, but he ignored it. Wordlessly, Levi turned and left you there. For the first time in his life, he was walking away from you.
Gritting your teeth against your tears, it took you a second to push down your emotions. If you were really going to do this, you needed all your focus on the mission. Not on Levi. Wiping a stray tear from your cheek with the heel of your palm, you tried to pull on the bond between you, only to find no tension. He’d sealed his mind off from you, and you honestly couldn’t blame him.
You could fix this, right? You could… you could go on the mission, come back and talk about it, right? You had to. You didn’t have a choice. 
With a tug of finality on the last buckle on your thigh, you stood. And with a resolve you didn’t know you could muster right now, you strode down a path, hoping to fuck it was the right one. 
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"get me a damned matcha" | Chapter 18: November II
{{ Chapter 17: October II | Chapter 19: December II }} Chapter Directory
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✧ pairing ➼ levi ackerman x fem!reader, college x coffee shop x roommates!au ✧ summary ➼ After you find yourself plagued with misfortune due to struggles in your personal and family life, you find yourself needing to move last minute. As a junior in undergrad with little money and little social support, you considered yourself lucky when you found a sublease that was close to campus and was relatively cheap. Unfortunately, it seemed that your roommate did not seem to be so excited regarding your presence. ✧ content/warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, mutual pining, idiots in love, fem!reader, afab!reader, smut (minors go away), kinda the one bed trope except its a sleeping bag lmao ✧ word count ➼ ~7.7k
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"Come on, we're approaching the second half of our senior year! The end is in sight!" 
You simply watched with an unamused expression as Oluo announced the beginning of your trip and sprinted his way forward down the trail, with Petra following closely after. 
The shared class that you had with Oluo and Petra had ended the semester early. That, and plus the fact that Gunther was in town, meant that you were more than happy to set up a camping trip with just the three of you. Eld ended up tagging along to celebrate Gunther's graduation.
You didn't mind bringing Eld, as he was a close friend of Gunther's. What you didn't anticipate however, was that Levi was a close friend of Eld's, and you did a double take upon seeing Levi on the shuttle to the nature reserve. You were the one that planned the trip and you certainly did not budget to bring along your grumpy roommate that you currently found yourself increasingly distressed about.
Ever since that night at the Halloween party, you haven't been able to keep Levi out of your thoughts. This was made especially difficult due to the fact that you lived with him. Every time you walked past him or even heard him through the thin walls of your bedroom reminded you of just how good having him against you felt. You missed the feeling of his hands on your waist as he planted sloppy kisses up and down your neck. You missed running your fingers through his hair as you silently begged for him to continue kissing, sucking, and biting at your sensitive skin. 
You felt heat begin to rise to your cheeks and you shook your head to try to get the image of Levi on you out of your head. 
Eld had said that Levi said he also had the weekend free and needed to get away from his labwork. You vaguely knew about Eld and Levi's friendship, but you certainly did not know that they were close enough to warrant Levi hijacking this trip you planned.
You didn't believe it for a second. There was no way that Levi, the clean freak that he is, would willingly come into the middle of nowhere for a weekend to sleep on the ground and not have access to a shower or restroom that wasn't public.
"Any day now, _____," Levi said with a tiny hint of amusement in his voice as he looked down at you from the top of the hill.
You stopped walking for a second to catch your breath. Keeping up with the rest of your friends felt impossible.
"Oh, shove it, you asshole," you said as you pulled out your water bottle.
You knew that this trip was going to take a not insignificant amount of physical energy, but you weren't expecting to be as winded as you were. You felt your breath getting caught in your throat and your legs were already cramping. If this was your state after thirty minutes, you weren't sure how you were going to last the entire weekend.
You looked down at the ground as you took a few deep breaths in an attempt to stabilize yourself.
You suddenly felt a hand place itself in between your shoulder blades and you found yourself getting steadily pushed up the hill.
"What?" you said as you turned your head and saw that Levi had come down from the top of the hill to give you an extra boost in getting up the hill. "What are you-"
"Just shut up and walk, you brat."
~~~~~
"Uhm, bad news, I think my tent is broken," you heard a voice yell out from across the river. The six of you had spread out around a riverbank to camp for the night. You had cleared out a little corner to yourself and set your bag down right as you heard Petra calling over to you. 
You glanced around and saw that your other friends had settled into their tents for the night. You sighed to yourself. This trip was turning out to be more of a disaster than you ever thought it would be. 
"Take mine," you yelled back, pulling your folded up tent out of your duffle bag as you hauled it over to the side of the river that Petra was on.
"What are you going to use? These aren't big enough to fit two people."
"His is," you mumbled, motioning towards Levi's tent on the other side of the river.
"Oh, then you can have your tent and I can-"
"No."
You immediately interrupted your best friend's stupidly innocent comment. 
While thinking of being forced to spend the night in close vicinity to the one person that has been making you feel all sorts of ways was distressing enough, thinking about Petra spending the night around him was even more distressing.
"Just take the tent," you whispered, dropping your stuff at her feet. "Levi and I are roommates anyway. We'll figure something out."
Petra nodded and quietly took your tent and began setting it up and you turned and walked back across the river towards Levi's tent with the rest of your stuff in your oddly light duffle bag. Levi's tent had been set up a bit further from the others, likely because he wouldn't be able to sleep and didn't want to be shuffling around near everyone that was already asleep.
You walked up to his tent and heard him moving around, feeling a tight feeling arise in your chest, taking a deep breath.
"Levi?" you called out quietly.
You heard him suddenly stop moving. After a pause that felt like it took much too long, he finally poked his head out the door.
"What do you want?" he asked with an annoyed tone. 
You shuffled awkwardly as you scratched the back of your head.
"Uhm, well," you started speaking, unsure of how to phrase the situation. "Petra's tent broke, so I gave her mine."
"And?"
He knew what you were saying.
"Well, I was wondering if-"
"What a pain in the ass," Levi said with a groan. "Get in and don't make a fuss about it."
You shot him a half-smile and nodded, crawling inside.
No words were exchanged for a while, with him keeping his back to you as he dug through his duffle bag to continue setting up. You could tell that he was awkwardly tense. Your dynamic with him has definitely changed within the past few months, but his continuous ignoring while you were this close in proximity gave you an unprecedented amount of anxiety.
You pursed your lips as you spoke up.
"What's the catch?"
He looked over at you with an eyebrow raised, clearly not knowing what you were referring to.
"Eld said you had the weekend off and that's why you're here," you said with an unamused look. "I don't believe it."
"Erwin's out of town, so there's not much I can do in lab anyways," Levi said with a sigh, as if he was expecting this confrontation. "Plus, someone had to look after your dumb ass." 
His eyes glanced down at your right arm, which had gotten fractured in the car accident from a few weeks ago.
"How's your arm?"
"Huh?" you gave him a confused look before realizing he was referring to your broken arm that had long been healed. "It's fine. It's been fine. What's up with you?"
Levi glanced back at you from the corner of his eye before turning back to his duffle bag.
"You didn't have to come with me on this, you know," you mumbled quietly as Levi got up and zipped up the door to your now shared tent. "I can look after myself."
Levi scoffed as he scooted towards his duffle bag and began rummaging through it again for his sleeping bag.
"I know," he said quietly. "But who else was going to stay back and haul your ass up this mountain?"
You frowned at his comment as a slight pout appeared on your face. You knew that you were not in the best physical shape in terms of exercise, but you didn't expect to be this behind. Levi was right in that climbing this mountain would have been impossible if it wasn't for him.
"You didn't have to," you whispered, repeating your earlier statement.
Levi put down the sleeping bag that he had started to unroll and glanced over at you, clenching his jaw in frustration.
"Well, I wanted to."
Your pout was quickly replaced with a look of surprise as your face began to heat up at his comment.
"Really?" you asked quietly.
"Tch. Yes," he said, shooting you an annoyed frown before turning back to the sleeping bag. "You happy now?"
You didn't respond, trying your best to hide the slight smile that was present on your face as you felt your heart pounding. That feeling was getting harder to ignore with each passing day.
"May I?" he asked suddenly, ripping you out of your thoughts. He was referring to your duffle bag.
You nodded, having completely forgotten that you were supposed to be setting up your sleeping bag. It was already pretty late into the night.
He began digging through your duffle bag before pausing and noting that it was oddly empty, as if it was missing an important item.
"_____," Levi said quietly, glancing over at you. "Where's your sleeping bag?"
You furrowed your eyebrows at him before crawling over to look into the duffle bag yourself.
Shit.
You nervously tapped on your leg as you felt Levi's gaze drilling holes into you. You had been so scatter-brained while planning for this trip and making sure everyone else had everything they needed—except for Petra's broken tent, apparently—that you forgot to double check for your own belongings.
You cursed at yourself for forgetting your damn sleeping bag of all things. You kept your gaze off Levi as you heard him shuffling around after sighing.
You were forced to look at him again as he tossed you his sleeping bag that he loosely rolled back up. It was bigger than yours, which you assumed was due to his own inability to sleep so he desired comfort over practicality if he had to be conscious with it the entire night.
"What are you going to use?" you asked with a look of concern.
"I'll figure something out."
"Well I don't wanna use it if you're not gonna have anything," you said with a frown. 
You two sat in silence as a tempting thought popped up in your head. It was foolish and probably much too forward. No matter how many intimate gestures you two had shared, suggesting this idea that you suddenly had would undoubtedly be crossing a line.
You said it anyway.
"We can share?"
You heard Levi's breath hitch, being genuinely surprised at your suggestion. He was also well aware that something was going on underneath the surface. At first, he had chalked it up to high emotions after you almost losing him and after him almost losing you immediately after. The next time, he blamed the alcohol, although he already knew that he doesn't really get drunk, so that wasn't entirely valid either. 
This time, neither of you had any type of excuse. 
"What?" he asked.
"I mean," you said, getting a little flustered yourself, "it's a fairly large sleeping bag and we're both small people, so I think-"
You immediately stopped talking as you saw him shoot a glare in your direction upon hearing you call him small.
You looked away from him and clenched your jaw, regretting ever opening your mouth or even entering his tent. It was a dumb and intrusive decision.
"You know what?" you said, as you began to get up. "Now that I think about it, this might not be the best idea. I can text Petra and see-"
"Don't," Levi said, grabbing your wrist to stop you from exiting the tent. "We'll figure it out."
You looked straight into his eyes and nodded, sitting back down.
"Okay," you said as you exhaled softly, your anxiety threatening to take over, "Levi."
~~~~~
You both sat at the center of the open sleeping bag, with neither one of you wanting to be the first one to lay down. You held your knees to your chest as you became increasingly aware of his presence next to you. He was almost close enough for your arms to touch. Shuffling around by even an inch was enough to bring him into contact.
You looked up at the open roof of the tent, letting the full moon shine its light over you.
"So." 
You awkwardly spoke, feeling your skin crawl as you shuffled next to him, his arm briefly rubbing up against yours.
"So?"
You bit on your bottom lip, unsure of what you were even trying to bring up.
"What?" he asked, noticing your silence.
"Uhm," you began nervously, your fingers tapping on your knee. "With what happened at the beginning of the semester..."
With that statement, Levi immediately knew what it was that you wanted to bring up.
"Ah."
You looked over at him.
"What about it?" he asked, avoiding your gaze.
"I just," you started, with a solemn look on your face, "I noticed that you hadn't come in and that there was a fire at your lab and the thought of never seeing you again made my chest fucking hurt like I was actually dying."
Levi finally looked at you, making eye contact.
"Yeah?" he responded quietly.
"Yeah," you said, feeling heat begin to rise to your cheeks as he continued to look at you. "And then once I saw you again..."
You took a deep breath, shooting him an embarrassed half-smile.
"I just kinda lost control. So..."
"So?" he repeated your last word, waiting for you to continue.
You broke eye contact, too embarrassed to continue looking at him as you continued to talk. 
"I'm sorry," you said quietly. "For that, and every other time after that. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about you and it was driving me nuts—but I know how awkward of a situation that puts you in too."
The way you were speaking made it seem like every kiss the two of you had shared was one-sided and initiated by you, but that wasn't entirely true. He had returned it every time and you had returned it to him every time it was him that pulled you in. It was always reciprocated, no matter how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise. 
At this point, your shoulders were in full contact as you leaned slightly into him, which only increased your anxiety.
Every second of silence that passed was agonizing. It felt like you were holding your breath as you waited for him to say something. You couldn't tell what he was thinking or even what expression he held on his face. You had no idea what was going on through his head.
You clenched your fist as your anxiety took over.
"I'm sorry for always being selfish," you whispered as you finally gathered the courage to look up at him again. You met his gaze as he watched you.
"I'm sorry for always feeling like I want more, and yet-"
As soon as you said the words 'I want more', Levi immediately lifted your chin and planted his lips onto yours, cutting off your words. 
You felt chills running throughout your entire body as you felt him on you again, your heart soaring as you parted your lips and returned the kiss, pressing yourself into him.
This had been the fourth time that the two of you had shared an intimate moment and it still felt just as euphoric as the very first time that you placed your lips on his after being so overwhelmed with the relief that he was still in front of you in one piece. Every time that you felt him on you made you long for him even more. His presence would fill up the entire room and your only point of focus was just him. 
Your hands grabbed at his shoulders as you felt him kiss back harder, with his own hands moving up to cup the side of your face, pulling you in even closer. All inhibition flew out the window as you continued to pull yourself into him, with your kisses quickly transitioning from gentle and loving motions to sloppy ones that were rough and had you gasping for air in between. You felt his tongue prodding at your lips as he continued to push you back.
As he continued to push you backwards to the point that he was basically hovering over you, you briefly broke away from him, taking deep, heavy breaths as you gasped for air.
"Lev', are you sure this is the best place? Shouldn't we-"
He pulled you back into a kiss, biting gently at your bottom lip.
"I don't care anymore," he murmured in between kisses, crawling on top of you. He didn't miss the way the edges of your lips slightly pulled up as you smiled into the kiss. “Packed a condom?”
“Pill,” you muttered into his ear, a gasp escaping your lips as you felt him planting kisses on your neck, back up to your jaw and then your lips again.
It felt right. This felt right. As aloof as he always made himself seem, Levi would be lying if he told himself that the tension wasn't bugging the shit out of him too. Every time he saw you or brushed up against you, he felt his entire body tense up as he struggled to keep his gaze off of you, because he knew that if he placed his eyes on you, he wouldn't be able to take them off again.
Once he was fully on you, your hands traveled down to the bottom of his shirt, feeling him take a sharp inhale as he felt your hands on his bare skin. You gently brushed your hands over his abs before moving onto his chest as you slowly raised his shirt. You had caught a few glimpses of him the few times he came out of the shower without his shirt on or when he only had one of his unbuttoned dress shirts on as he was getting ready for the day. You had found yourself fantasizing about it in recent weeks, but that couldn't even compare to how blissful you felt right now, with him actually on you, with your hands running up and down his body.
Impatient, he pulled his shirt over his head and threw it over to the side and you looked at him with elated eyes as you saw his hair fall back onto him in what seemed like a perfect manner. It was ruffled and messy, for sure, but it was perfect.
You pulled him into another kiss. Every one of your senses was on fire and you felt yourself shiver as you felt his hands reach underneath your tank top, promptly removing it. 
He held himself up with one hand and firmly clamped down onto your breast with the other, which resulted in a soft whimper escaping from your lips. 
You brought your hand up to your mouth to cover it in an attempt to muffle the noises he was drawing out of you.
He pulled away from your lips and began planting kisses on your neck, trailing his tongue over you, which sent intense chills down your spine. His hand that was grabbing at your breast trickled down past your waist, reaching into your pants, and you heard a soft chuckle come from him once he realized how wet you already were.
"F-Fuck, Levi..." you whispered shakily as you felt his fingers rubbing over your heat.
He looked up at you again with lust-filled eyes before connecting your lips again, effectively muffling the squeal that came out of you as he pushed his middle finger into you. 
"Shh," he whispered into your ear, his voice barely audible. "I got you."
You felt your chest rise and press up against his as your breathing shuddered as he gently ran his thumb over your clit. Your mind desperately tried to come up with a response, but went blank as soon as you felt him also insert his index finger into you. 
You began to grab at his back, pull at the hair at the back of his head, and bite at him as he continued to kiss you while pumping his fingers in and out of you, all while drawing smooth circles around your clit with his thumb.
He was quickly working you to an orgasm and you were slightly ashamed to admit just how good he was making you feel.
You wrapped one of your arms around him and pulled him into the crook of your neck as he began to plant sloppy kisses over it again, your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your bottom lip quivering as you began to feel your core tighten up as he continued to pump into you, curling his fingers up to hit the one spot that took away your ability to think properly.
Your orgasm came on suddenly, like a white hot flash, and you were so overstimulated that you momentarily lost your ability to see. He was making you feel so, so good that you had to bite down on your own lip to keep yourself from screaming.
Your body was shaking and your mind barely registered the sound of Levi unbuckling his own pants. You were barely coming down from your high, with your clit being overly sensitive to the slightest touch, when you felt the tip of his cock against your folds.
A moan escaped your lips, much louder than intended, as he gently pressed his cock into you. Levi immediately slapped a hand over your mouth to shush you and paused, giving you a moment to adjust to his size. He kept his hand on you as he slowly began to move in and out of you, with his own breathing beginning to destabilize.
"Easy there, _____," he whispered into your ear. "You don't want the whole group to hear us now, do you?" 
You shakily nodded at him as he slowly removed his hand before he began to gently bite at your neck, switching between biting, kissing, and trailing his tongue over it, setting all of your senses on overdrive. 
"F-Fuck...Levi," you moaned as you began to get noisy again, which Levi promptly quieted down by planting his lips on yours again, with his tongue entering your mouth, swirling around yours in an elegant dance. 
His movements began to get sloppy as he began to drill into you faster and harder, quickly bringing you to the brink of another orgasm.
You moaned into his kiss as you were brought over the edge again, with your vision blacking out over how intense it was and how overstimulated you were. 
He continued to pump into you through your orgasm and your back arched into him as you clawed at his back. You couldn't think or form coherent thoughts, all that you could even register was how good he was making you feel. His thrusts began to slow down as he continued to snap his hips into yours, panting as he also fucked his way through his own orgasm. 
You opened your eyes once you came down from your high and looked at him as he panted from his own euphoria running through his body. You saw that his hair was stuck to his face from the sweat that had gathered on him while he was fucking you.
You shakily exhaled as you felt him pull out of you before collapsing onto his back next to you. You felt him roll onto his side to face you and you turned to meet his gaze, only for him to pull you into another kiss—a gentle one this time, with his hand gently grazing your cheek as he pressed his lips against yours.
You buried your face into his neck, planting gentle kisses. There was just something about the way he felt on you—about the way he affected your very ability to process the world around you—that made you want to nuzzle into him and never move again. You desperately wanted to stay in this moment, wanting to implant a permanent image of this memory into your brain to visit again and again. You didn't want this moment to end.
For the first time, in a very long time, you felt content, happy, and at peace.
~~~~~
You woke up to the sound of leaves rustling around you. It was gentle, peaceful, and made you want to keep your eyes closed and simply fall back asleep. You kept your eyes closed as you shuffled around, frowning as you felt some resistance against you. 
Your eyes shot open and you blinked a few times to process the scene around you. You were in Levi's tent after being forced to spend the night with him. You had foolishly forgotten your sleeping bag and were "forced" to share one with Levi. You began chatting with Levi about some of the more intimate things that had happened throughout the beginning of the semester—and then you-
You felt all the blood rush to your face as you recalled everything that had happened the night before. You somewhat knew about the way that Levi's presence made you feel, but you had never expected it to actually come to fruition. 
As you began to stir, you felt a strong and sturdy arm that was wrapped around your waist pull you in.
Levi planted some gentle kisses on the back of your head as he pulled you in towards his bare chest. Although you had been against each other all night, feeling your skin to skin contact once he pulled you in sent a surge of euphoria through your body and his body heat began to merge with your own. 
You were addicted to his touch. You couldn't deny that anymore. Your fingers intertwined with his as you brought his hand up to your mouth and planted kisses onto his knuckles.
After a few minutes, you began to roll over so you could face him. You rested your head against his chest, his gentle heartbeat threatening to lull you back asleep.
No matter how much you wanted to avoid thinking about it, you knew you had both crossed the point of no return. You couldn't deny that there was something going on between the two of you—that you had long moved past the point of being just roommates, or even just friends. 
You smiled to yourself as you felt him give you a gentle kiss on the top of your head. 
"I guess we can't really ignore this anymore, can we?" you mumbled.
You felt Levi take a deep breath, with his chest rising and falling. 
"Ignore what?" he responded, his voice being scratchy and deeper than usual due to just waking up.
You ran your fingers up and down his chest as you tried to find the appropriate words to vocalize your feelings to him. 
You felt Levi tense up as you heard distant footsteps approaching from outside of the tent.
"We should probably head out in about 20 minutes if we want to make it to the lake by sunset tonight. Everyone, make sure you grab all your things," you heard Eld call out before you heard other footsteps begin to roam around the camp. 
Levi let out a long sigh, pausing for a few seconds, letting you lean up off him before getting up. 
You looked up at him and shot him a half-hearted smile upon realizing that your conversation wasn't going to continue. You couldn't help but be disappointed. You didn't know how well you'd be able to adjust back to "business as usual". You had to live with Levi for nearly another year and this wasn't something that you could just brush under the rug again. 
Stolen kisses were one thing.
Having sex was another—and although you knew it could just be a friends with benefits type of situation, you didn't want that. Something had happened between now and the day you found out about his lab fire.
No, it was even before that. Going all the way back to the beginning of the year, in January, something changed the minute he dropped everything in the middle of the night to come find you after you had wandered off from a party that had gone a bit too far. You couldn't ignore it anymore. You didn't want to ignore it anymore. 
You glanced back up at Levi, who had already clothed himself, leaving the image of his bare body—and your time with him—from the night before as nothing but a memory that was meant to gradually fade away.
~~~~~
You thanked the heavens that it wasn't another hill you had to climb today. 
What this mostly meant was that you weren't forced to be around Levi as you struggled to climb the hill. As a result, you were walking ahead of Levi, essentially leading the way down the trail, falling a few steps behind Eld. You couldn't be around him right now. Being around him meant you had to address whatever it was that you were feeling and you didn't even know where to begin. 
Were you just overcome with emotions again this morning when you were thinking of confessing to him? Did you even want to actually go through with it?
You heard footsteps run up to you and sighed in relief when you saw that it wasn't Levi.
However, you quickly tensed up again once you saw that it was Oluo with a mischievous look on his face. 
"So?"
You raised an eyebrow at him. 
"So what?"
"Anything interesting happen last night?"
Your eyes widened as your cheeks turned slightly pink. 
"W-What the hell are you talking about?" you asked, stammering a bit as you turned away from Oluo, only for your face to heat up even more upon realizing that Petra was walking next to you on your other side.
"Y'know," Oluo said with a shrug, "with the whole thing with sharing a tent and all."
You looked back at him with a frown.
"We're roommates, it's not as weird as you seem to think it is." 
"Sure it is," Oluo said dismissively.
"You're insufferable," you snapped at him, picking up your pace to walk past him and right up to Eld, deciding that the blonde was better company.
"Oluo giving you trouble again?"
You sighed, your shoulders slumping forward in a defeated manner.
"Yes."
~~~~~
Levi watched silently as you stomped away from Oluo towards Eld. Although he had lagged behind, he hadn't been able to take his eyes or mind off you for the entire trail. A somewhat permanent scowl had set on his face whenever he looked at you, but you weren't what he was frowning at.
"We can't really ignore this anymore, can we?"
His mind was fixated on that question you had brought up moments before the two of you set off for the day and especially fixated on his lack of a proper response. 
What the hell was going on through his head?
He knew exactly what you were talking about, yet the words "ignore what" was the only thing that came out of his mouth. He wasn't sure if he froze up due to a defense mechanism or instinctual reaction, but some disconnect had formed that prevented his thoughts from translating into speech or actions appropriately, and he had been mentally berating himself for it all morning.
"Rough night?"
Levi looked up and saw Gunther walking next to him, having noticed that he was lagging behind. Although Levi did not look actively distressed in the same way that you did, Gunther was able to at least tell that he was acting different.
Levi responded with a grunt.
"Define rough. _____'s annoying as ever," he grumbled, although his face currently carried an unreadable expression as he spoke.
"Hmm," Gunther said, looking down as he tried to formulate what he should say in response. "Well, appreciate you coming along. I know it must feel kind of out of place, being around mostly undergrads."
Levi scoffed.
"No kidding."
His official reasoning was that he was friends with Eld and used this as an opportunity to get away from the university and relax, but he knew that was a lie. Camping in the woods was not something he'd willingly do. He'd rather be sitting in his coffee shop reading or drawing or doing literally anything other than dragging his ass to the middle of nowhere to sleep in grime and filth for 2-3 days. Levi even being here was incredibly out of character for him.
His eyes landed on you again. He felt an uncomfortable feeling build up in his chest that radiated up into his throat, making it hard to breathe properly. No matter what he did, he could not shake that feeling off.
He knew that if he didn't address this soon, he was going to lose his mind. He couldn't possibly go back to "just living" with you after this trip. He couldn't think about anything else and could barely function around you before this trip and he especially couldn't now after the events of last night. 
He knew what was causing it—and it was because he knew, that he was able to deduce that he was royally fucked.
~~~~~
The entire day felt like it was never going to end. Part of it was because of the annoyingly warm weather. It was towards the end of November, so the weather should have been fairly cool. It was the perfect weather for you to throw on a flannel over a t-shirt whenever you went outside. Today, however, was stupidly warm and you felt your clothing stick to you, which significantly soured your mood. 
The other part was because you were agonizingly aware of Levi's presence on the trail behind you. He had been lagging behind you all day and didn't seem to show any intention of changing his pacing. That alone was enough to leave you more than exhausted by the time you arrived at the lake.
You sipped on your beer as you watched Oluo, Petra, and Gunther argue over who got to use each skewer for the marshmallows that you had packed to make s'mores as the last activity of your trip before you pack up and leave for home in the morning. Eld was tending to the fire a few feet away and a frown appeared on your face as you realized Levi wasn't with the group.
You knew that he had been lagging behind on your way here, but he was certainly smart enough to not get lost on the trail. Suddenly feeling a surge of regret over pretending he didn't exist all day, you started scanning the area around you, feeling more panicked with every passing second.
You felt yourself let out a relieved breath that you weren't aware that you were holding in when you finally saw him sitting near the lake on a picnic blanket that he had laid out to keep his clothes clean—another reason why you were surprised about his presence here in the first place—even something as simple as sitting on the ground was dirty.
You looked over at your friends that were gathered around each other, celebrating the almost-end of their undergraduate experience, and then at Levi, who looked alone, although he had tagged along to be a part of the celebration.
He looked quite lonely.
At least, that's what you told yourself when you found yourself headed in his direction and away from the rest of your friends. 
You saw him glance over at you once he heard you approaching. Seeing that he didn't tense up, move away, or show any form of resistance or discomfort, you took a seat next to him.
The two of you sat in silence for a while, both staring forward at the still waters of the lake that reflected the moon off of it like a mirror. It was an annoyingly peaceful scene that you knew wouldn't last. You occasionally heard an excited yell from Oluo in the background, but you were far away enough from everyone that even he was barely audible.
Sighing, you leaned back, placing your hands behind you to hold yourself up.
"Moon's pretty," you said quietly.
"Yep," Levi replied, feeling just as awkward as you did.
More silence followed. 
"Have a fun trip?" you asked.
"You could say that."
The tension was agonizing for the both of you. He glanced at you as you wrestled with your thoughts.
Part of you desperately wanted to get up and run away and continue to ignore him going forward, but you knew that'd fall apart as soon as you got home—and the longer you ignored this, the more you were afraid to address it. 
You didn't want to ignore it anymore, but you didn't know how to move forward. You glanced up at him and noticed that he was now looking at the lake again. The two of you continued to steal glances at each other, but not at the same time, almost as if you were afraid of making eye contact. 
Memories of the previous night brought a small smile to your face as your cheeks flushed up. 
Levi wasn't one for words—in fact, most words were used primarily to insult you more than anything else—but he was somehow able to make you feel like you weren't a complete and utter failure and that your life wasn't just one shitshow after another. Through nothing more than the way he looked at you or the way he would easily set aside everything to be by you when you were struggling or the way that he never seemed to push you away when you were worried for his well-being, he made you feel appreciated, or at least worthy of the space you took up.
You slightly shuffled to adjust yourself as a surprisingly pleasant fluttering feeling entered your gut. However, you tensed as soon as you felt your hand brush against his.
"Shit," you said quietly as you immediately pulled your hand away. "Sorry."
He didn't look over at you, but he reached out and grabbed your hand before you could fully retract it and weaved his fingers through yours.
"Don't be," he mumbled.
The small smile reappeared on your face as you relaxed and leaned into his shoulder, feeling some of the built up tension from earlier today dissipating.
Something was there, and you knew it. You knew that something was reciprocated, although you weren't sure exactly what. The fact that you had shared multiple kisses, slept together, and were now holding hands while basking under the moonlight meant that you shared something special with him.
The silence between the two of you suddenly felt comfortable and no longer awkward or tense. You scooted a bit so that you were closer to him as you continued to lean against him.
"This is nice," you murmured.
"Yeah?" he responded quietly.
He smells nice.
You shut your eyes as you enjoyed the feeling of him on you again. Everything about him was alluring, and you never wanted to let him go again. This moment—with just you, him, and the moon above you—felt right. None of your problems or stressors mattered as long as you stayed in this moment. 
"Is it wrong of me to be dreading tomorrow?" you asked.
Levi tilted his head down to the side a bit so that he was also leaning back against you, allowing yours to rest on his shoulder. He squeezed at your hand, knowing what was going on through your head.
"I don't want to go back," you continued. "Going back means real life and real life things and I just-"
You suddenly stopped.
"You just what?" Levi asked quietly.
"I just want to stay in this moment," you whispered, "being against you, feeling you next to me. It's like every shitty thing that ever happened is just gone. It's like, as long as you're around, my life actually feels like it's worth something and that I'm not just a walking disaster."
Levi was quiet for a bit before giving your hand another gentle squeeze.
"You're not a walking disaster," he whispered. "You've just been dealt shitty cards."
You turned to look at him as he spoke those words, finally meeting his gaze again. Your mind got lost in his steely gaze and the only thing you could focus on was how absolutely beautiful his eyes looked as he gazed into you. His gaze was intense and gentle at the same time and you never wanted to look away again.
"And this," he spoke again, his voice barely audible, "it doesn't have to be just this moment."
You blinked at him a few times as your cheeks flushed again. Your mind went blank and you lost your ability to think as you felt your heart beating harder and harder against your chest.
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" you muttered.
"Well," he said as he gently grabbed your chin with his other hand, tilting your head up so he could get a better view of you. "What do you think I'm saying?" 
You parted your lips to speak, but found that no words were coming out.
You wanted this. More than anything, you wanted this—and now you were fairly certain that he wanted it too.
After what felt like an eternity, he finally pulled you into another kiss, and for the first time, it didn't feel like it was on impulse. It didn't feel stolen or like it was something that should be brushed under the rug. It felt real. 
You felt like you could cry from joy as you quickly returned the kiss, grabbing at the back of his neck to pull him closer. Your heart was soaring through your chest and you felt your heart beat in sync with his as you pressed yourselves against each other. He wrapped one arm around your waist and pulled you up against him as he continued to kiss you, never wanting to let you go—and wanting to forever stay in this moment.
"I knew it!" 
A voice shouted out from the distance, which rudely pulled you out of the otherwise perfect moment you were finally getting to share with Levi.
Levi shot a glare over at Oluo as you hid behind him, slightly burying your face into his shoulder out of embarrassment. 
"Don't you have more marshmallows to burn?" he yelled out to him with a not-so-surprising amount of hostility in his voice as he rolled his eyes before grumbling, "fucking undergrads."
You peeked up as you heard more commotion coming from the direction that Oluo shouted from. 
"Oluo, how loud do you have to be to take a piss?!" 
You heard Gunther walk up to him.
"What's going on?" 
You groaned quietly as you saw Petra walk up to Gunther as she asked that innocent question. You began banging your head against Levi's shoulder, desperately wanting to escape the gaze of your friends that were rapidly surrounding you.
"I knew you two were hooking up!" Oluo shouted out again.
"We're not just hooking up!" you yelled out, beyond irritated. "We're-"
You cut yourself off, not entirely sure of what you were trying to say.
"You're...?" Petra asked.
You noted that all three pairs of eyes were on you and you parted your lips to speak, although there were no coherent words that were coming to mind.
What the hell were you supposed to say? Are you together with Levi now? What did he want to call it? What could you say as you announced it without checking with him first? You felt like you would literally die of embarrassment if you had announced that you were in a relationship if it wasn't actually the case.
Before you got a chance to answer, you saw Eld walk up and begin to nudge everyone back towards the campfire, glancing at you and nodding. He was leading everyone away to give both you and Levi some private space without ogling eyes and you silently thanked the heavens that he came along on the trip.
You buried your face in your hands while groaning, beyond embarrassed about and annoyed at your friends.
"My head fucking hurts now." 
It was the emotional whiplash. You had gone from annoyed to anxious to sad to anxious (again) to overjoyed to embarrassed. It was like you were trying to experience everything on the spectrum of emotions all at once.
"What were you going to say?" Levi asked, prompting you to look up at him.
"Hmm?" 
"To Oluo," he said, taking your hands and lowering them from your face so he could see you better. "What were you going to say that we were?"
You froze. What were you supposed to say?
Roommates? Reluctant acquaintances? Friends with benefits?
"We're..."
You paused, thinking of the best way to put it.
Fuck it, you thought, shoving away your anxiety.
"...official?"
You kept your gaze on him to see his reaction. This could either make you feel ecstatic and elated or horrifically embarrassed and dejected.
A subtle smile tugged at the corner of Levi's lips and you felt a wave of relief wash over you before it was quickly overtaken by that stupid feel-good feeling that kept coming up whenever you looked at him.
He gently pulled you into another kiss before resting his forehead on yours and whispering.
"Official."
#: @levisbrat25 @gothgril69 @sckerman @berrijam @notgoodforlife @meowjaa @averysmolbear @roseofdarknessblog @bejewelledd @hhighkey @ayame236 @sad-darksoul @velouria17 @kamyru @l1zk4 @layenacreates @lamees004 @whoami-72 @highgoon69 @chaotic-on-main @levishotgf @nube55 @chosos-mascara @heichoucleanfreak @svftackerman @v4mp-wife @moonchild-angel @astri-ackerman @auriuswolve @noctemys @you-always-made-me-blush @raginginferno267
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Note
Can I get a Levi x medic! Reader fic? Where they’re in a secret relationship and reader was recently employed by the scouts. She was sent with Levi along with the original squad Levi and Eren to oversee training and be their official doctor, especially for Eren. Everyone is so surprised to see how differently their captain interacts with reader and starts speculating things like he’s crushing on her, etc until one day one of them walk in on Levi and reader having an intimate moment
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pairing: levi x reader
cw: slight spoilers for season 1, mostly fluff
author’s note: i figured that writing is better than being left alone with my thoughts. depression is not fun.
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- caught -
“you ready down there, eren?” hange asked as you peeked over the deep well where eren was. he looked up at the three of you and awaited for further instructions from the spectacled section commander.
“i’ll fire a smoke signal when we’re ready to begin. everything after that is up to you” hange said as eren nodded, raising his arm to show that he understood.
“let us know if there’s anything out of the ordinary that happens” you said, getting a thumbs up from eren as you joined hange and levi a few feet away.
you had been assigned to the old survey corps headquarters to oversee eren’s titan training. you were their official doctor in case anything happens but you were mostly assigned to monitor eren and his well-being during his training.
at first, you were a bit skeptical to be looking after a boy who can turn into a titan but you knew that the special operations squad and levi will be with you the entire time so having your husband next to you eased your worries by a lot.
and besides, it’s not like you were fond of the idea of levi looking after a titan shifter. not like you were questioning his skills but as his wife, you were still concerned and worried about his safety.
hange shot the green smoke signal as the three of you waited for eren to transform into a titan. a few minutes passed and nothing happened, you turned to levi who was next to you as he never looked away from the deep well in front of him.
“did he not see the signal or something?” you asked no one in particular as your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“no. i doubt this would work so easily” levi said before heading over to the edge of the well to see what happened to eren.
“oi, eren! the test is off for now!” levi said, giving eren a warning before looking over the edge. you gasped softly upon seeing what had happened.
“did something happen-“ hange started but cut herself off when the brunette boy stared up at the three of you with blood soaked hands from the bite marks he made in attempt to turn into a titan.
“hange, i can’t turn into a titan” eren said, defeatedly as hange immediately grabbed a ladder to get eren out of there.
“tch. we’ll try again tomorrow” levi clicked his tongue at the brunette boy as you started preparing your first aid kit to bandage up the bite marks he made on his hands.
“what happened?” you asked, gently cleaning the wounds as you began to wrap his hand in the bandages.
“i don’t know. i couldn’t turn into a titan” eren said as you handed him a cloth to wipe any remaining blood on his hands and around his mouth.
“did you feel anything unusual?” you asked, taking note of his answers to write on the progress report later on.
you finished patching him up before joining the rest of squad levi to get a tea break. you sat down next to petra and you were just about to grab yourself some tea when a freshly brewed cup was placed in front of you.
“oh. thank you, captain” you said, looking up to see that it was levi who made you the cup of tea. he nodded in acknowledgement and sat down next to you, sipping on his own tea.
petra, oluo, eld, gunther, and eren all gave you subtle questioning looks as you simply shrugged your shoulders. no one in the survey corps knew that you and levi were married since the both of you wanted to keep the relationship known to a handful of people you both trusted to know.
“captain levi, section commander hange is looking for you” moblit said, appearing next to levi after a few minutes as your husband nodded. he grabbed his tea and followed moblit to where hange was.
“i’m pretty sure captain levi has a crush on you” petra pointed out once levi was out of your sights. you raised an eyebrow at her as oluo moved from his seat to sit next to you.
“captain levi never makes anyone tea, you’re the first one. like ever” oluo said, nudging you on the side as you looked at them.
“maybe he’s just being-“ you started but eld and gunther cut you off.
“no. captain levi treats you differently” eld said as gunther nodded profusely in agreement.
“he’s more soft with you. captain levi has a crush on you” gunther said as you helplessly looked at eren, in hopes that he would say otherwise. everyone else looked at him, waiting for his stand on the ongoing debate on whether or not levi has a crush on you.
“captain levi has a crush on you” eren declared as everyone cheered. you hid your face in your hands, your cheeks blushing a soft shade of pink.
“alright, alright! that’s enough, captain levi doesn’t have a crush on me. maybe he’s just being a gentleman” you defended, shrugging your shoulders as everyone whined at your comment.
“captain levi has a crush on you!” everyone said at the same time and before you could react, a voice spoke up from behind you.
“i have a crush on who?” levi said, eyeing his subordinates as they sat down and cleared their throats as if nothing happened.
“nothing, captain!” petra said, nervously sipping on her tea as levi scoffed and took his seat next to you again. you glanced at him, silently thanking him for saving you from the situation with his subordinates as he subtly brushed his hand against yours underneath the table.
the rest of the break was spent with random conversations being made here and there. mostly squad levi asking eren about his titan shifting abilities and if his classmates from the cadet corps were planning to join the survey corps.
“some of them plan to-“ eren said, suddenly freezing up mid sentence and making him drop his teaspoon in the process.
“are you okay?” eld asked as eren hummed in reply, standing up to pick up the teaspoon. you were taking a sip of your tea when everything happened so fast.
there was suddenly lightning and a strong gust of wind started to blow everyone away. you squealed, getting blown away by the wind and landing on the floor a few feet away.
“calm down. i said calm down, all of you” levi’s voice reached your ears as you looked up to see a half formed titan with eren’s arm connected to it. squad levi had their blades drawn, ready to attack at any given chance.
they started yelling questions at eren whilst levi tried to calm them down. hange and moblit came running from the forest as the spectacled section commander jumped in joy upon seeing eren’s titan form.
“eren! can i touch that arm? please, can i? pretty please, i just want to touch it!” hange exclaimed, her eyes widening in amusement as she walked towards the arm of the titan.
“hange, wait-“ eren started but hange already made contact with the titan as she jumped around from how hot the skin turned out to be.
your instincts immediately kicked in, rushing to her side to inspect the potential burn mark on her hand. you were about to put some cooling cream on her hand when she suddenly pulled it away from your grip, pointing at the disappearing titan in front of her.
“hold on, eren! that was too soon! i still wanted to study it!” hange exclaimed as eren was on the floor, catching his breath. you clicked your tongue, quickly putting some cooling cream on hange’s hand before rushing over to eren.
“how are you feeling?” you asked, kneeling down next to him as he barely managed to look at you.
“not very good” eren breathed out as you nodded, telling levi that a retreat back to the castle was necessary for the situation.
levi ordered everyone to go back to the castle as you sighed deeply, walking at the very back of the group. levi slowed down his pace and walked next to you, gently grabbing your right arm and lifted it up.
“you’re bleeding” levi said, showing you the rather deep cut on your arm as your eyes widened. you must’ve scratched yourself somewhere when you were getting blown away by the gust of wind earlier and you just didn’t realize it.
“i’ll be okay, nothing i can’t patch up” you said as levi nodded, walking towards the front again to lead the group.
once you got back, you immediately went to your makeshift office to patch up the wound on your arm. you were trying to clean it as best as you could when the door behind you opened and closed.
“here. let me help” levi said, turning you around and lifting you up to sit on the table. he grabbed the cotton ball from you and gently cleaned the deep wound.
“are you okay?” levi asked, looking at you with worry in his eyes as you nodded and smiled assuringly at him.
“i’m okay, my love. just a scratch” you said and levi pressed a kiss on your forehead. the both of you sat in comfortable silence as he began stitching up the wound and bandaged up your arm.
“all done” levi said, finishing up and discarding everything that he used before pressing another kiss on your forehead.
“thank you, levi” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug. he buried his face in your shoulder and took a deep sigh. you smiled softly and rubbed his back, feeling him relax under your touch and release all the stress and tension in his body.
“y/n, have you seen captain levi? we have to- oh” eld said, the door to your office opening all of a sudden as he cut himself off when he saw the sight in front of him.
“i-i-i’ll just- excuse me” eld quickly said, shutting the door behind him as the voices of levi’s squad can be heard from the other side.
“what happened?”
“did you find captain levi?”
“was y/n in there?”
“did she know where the captain went?”
levi sighed once again, untangling himself from you to open the door and explain what just happened to his squad.
“i’ll be right back” levi said, kissing you softly on the lips before opening and closing the door behind him to somehow hide you from the curious eyes outside. he was met by his squad, hange and moblit, along with the million questions they had.
“so, shorty, eld told us that he saw you doing… stuff with our assigned doctor” hange started, smirking and raising her eyebrows at him suggestively as he clicked his tongue in annoyance.
“i was helping y/n patch up the wound on her arm” levi said, his tone flat as if what he said was the most obvious thing in the entire world.
“and the hugging? or were you just helping with that too?” hange pushed, widening her eyes at the raven haired captain.
“we’re married” levi simply said, going back inside your office and closing the door. they all stood in front of the closed door, looking at each other.
“so, i guess that happened-” you started but was cut off when various squeals and excited screams erupted outside.
“i told you captain levi has a crush on y/n!”
“idiot! they’re already married!”
“petra, looks like you don’t have a chance with captain levi anymore”
“i don’t have a crush on him! i just admire him and his skills!”
you laughed silently at the commotion outside as levi rolled his eyes, shaking his head but the smile that was pulling at the corner of his lips gave him away.
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stargirlaveblog · 2 months
Text
7Seals
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Chapter 2
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• Previous Chapter: Chapter One Next Chapter: Chapter Three •Content: Levi Ackerman x OC female. Canon verse!
• Word Count: 2.5k • Warning: This content may not be suitable for all readers. If you've watched all of AOT then you will understand that the show handles heavy subjects such as abuse, racism, violence, and other heavy subjects. This fanfiction will also have the same heavy themes. Chapters with heavy themes will be marked with * at each chapter.
“I want to confess as best I can, but my heart is void. The void is a mirror. I see my face and feel loathing and horror. My indifference to man has shut me out. I live now in a world of ghosts, a prisoner in my dreams.”
- Ingmar Bergman
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Hange's voice shattered the tranquility of my dreams, a morning sunbeam cast through my window. Blinking away sleep, their wide-eyed excitement loomed over me with a lamp illuminating the room.
"Hange, let me sleep," I groaned, flipping over and burying my face in the pillow, shoving the blanket over my head to fend off the morning invasion.
"No can do," Hange declared, ripping the blanket and pillow away with zealous determination.
"What the hell, Hange?" I moaned, propping myself up but unwilling to surrender the haven of my bed. "This better be good," I muttered into the mattress.
"Emergency meeting," Hange announced with urgency.
"I'm not a Captain," I complained, lifting my head to peer at them.
"Everyone is required to go," Hange explained. "It's some big news you don't want to miss."
"Tell me later," I mumbled, shoving my face back into the bed.
Hange's grip on my arm tightened, and suddenly I found myself on the cold floor, the warmth of my bed snatched away.
"We have to go. We seriously cannot be late," Hange urged, dragging me out of the room, my uncoordinated form stumbling in tow.
The hallway was a chaotic stream of scouts heading towards the mess hall, clad in uniforms I hadn't bothered to put on.
"Hange, you couldn't have let me get dressed," I groaned, glancing down at my nightgown, bare feet meeting the cold floor.
The final pull from Hange led us into the mess hall. The room buzzed with murmurs, scouts huddled together, an undercurrent of confusion weaving through the air. Still half-asleep, I tried to make sense of the situation, unsure of what had stirred everyone into this early assembly.
"Alex!" I yelled, waving my hand as I spotted him emerging from the crowd. Behind him, as always, were Miche and Oluo.
"It's happening," he declared as he joined us.
"So it's real?" Hange's eyes sparkled, their smile growing wider, hands trembling with excitement.
"Can someone fill me in on what the heck is going on?" I grumbled.
Alexander looked me over, a critical gaze from head to toe.
"You couldn't get dressed?" he scoffed, pulling off his jacket and draping it over me.
"Sorry, Hange pulled me out of bed," I explained, adjusting the jacket.
"Whatever. Next time, don't come out here looking like a fool," he groaned, scolding me.
"It's embarrassing."
I barely had time to react to Alexander's words when a familiar loud voice sliced through the crowd's murmurs, capturing everyone's attention.
"Today, the Scout Regiment sees change," Captain Erwin announced from the stairs above, his presence capturing everyone's attention.
"Our captains will be put to the test to see if they are fit to lead. Scouts will be examined for potential new captains."
Whispers surged through the crowd like a storm.
"What does he mean, 'fit to lead'?" Alexander scoffed. "Is he going to demote us?"
"Captain Erwin can't demote," I tried to reassure him.
"Starting today, I will be leading the Scout Regiment from this point on. There will be a lot of changes coming, so please brace yourselves," Erwin declared. "Tomorrow, at the first 8 o'clock hour, we will be heading out on an expedition. The main objective is to survey the area and for me to evaluate you all. Any comments, questions, or concerns can be addressed today at my office. You all are dismissed."
Erwin left, leaving us in stunned silence. Anger and panic echoed through the room in a cacophony of voices.
"What does this guy think he's doing?" Oluo exclaimed.
"Hange, did he explain this in the meeting last night?" Alexander questioned.
"No, he only mentioned becoming the commander," Hange replied.
"Then why the hell is he just now saying this?" Alexander complained. "I worked my tail off to be a Captain. I'm not giving it up now."
The confusion in the room mirrored my own state of mind. I wasn't angry, just lost in trying to understand what prompted this sudden change. Why didn't Shadis tell us himself? And why did he leave? It made sense that Erwin was to take over. He did everything for the Scouts, including initiation for the recruits something Shadis was supposed to do.
As the waves of anger and frustration crashed around me, I sought solace, walking away from the upset clusters of people to find a moment of clarity. I felt the gaze of those midwinter eyes once again. Leaning against the wall with arms crossed, he observed the chaos in silence. I took a seat on the bench next to him, offering a casual smile.
"What are your thoughts on this?" I asked, attempting to strike up a conversation as if we were old acquaintances.
"Tch," was all he let out. "Why are you out in your pajamas? You're going to catch a cold."
"Oh, this?" I replied, forgetting about my attire until the morning breeze reminded me.
"I didn't have time to change. Wasn't really given the option, either. I had just woken up." I laughed it off, feeling a bit embarrassed. Normally, I wouldn't care, but Alexander's words echoed in my mind, it was embarrassing that I was out in public in my pajamas.
Levi didn't respond, only his eyes scrutinizing me like I was a parasite clinging to his world.
"Are you excited for the next survey? This will be your second one, right?" I asked, attempting to shift the conversation away from the awkwardness of his judgmental scrutiny.
"Excited?" he responded flatly. "What's so exciting about watching others get devoured by titans?"
My attempt to lighten the mood only made the tension worse. I should've stopped talking, but I couldn't.
My words seemed to hang in the air, intensifying the awkwardness between us. "You're right. Pardon my mistake," I said, my tone trying to ease the tension. "Are you prepared? That's the more appropriate question to ask."
"No question is better," he replied with a bitter tone, and a moment of silence followed. I looked down at my lap, cringing at my own words.
"I'm prepared for whatever the commander throws my way. Are you?" Levi's voice broke the silence.
A smile crept onto my face, and I quickly looked back up to meet his eyes. They locked for a moment before he glanced away.
"I'm never prepared, but I'll be quick on my feet when the time comes," I said in a calm tone.
For that moment, it was nice to have a real conversation with him, even if he wasn't welcoming. But the moment faded as footsteps approached.
"Iris," Alexander's stern voice cut through.
I rose to my feet, meeting his glare.
"Is he bothering you?" Alexander asked, gripping my wrist and glaring at Levi.
"No," I quickly replied. "I was bothering him."
It seemed like Alexander didn't hear the last words I said. Like he wanted to ignore them. My eyes were glued to the ground, trying to ignore Alex's anger.
"Listen here, freak," Alexander's voice carried anger. "You stay in your lane, and we will stay in ours. That's an order. Got that?"
I looked up to see Levi's face completely unfazed by Alexander's harsh words. Levi only looked at Alexander's hand gripping my wrist and then back to me. Never once did I see him look at Alexander.
"Come on," I felt Alexander pull me away from the area as he walked through the crowd. My eyes still looked back at Levi as he watched us walk away.
"I'm sorry," I mouthed as I was dragged away from his line of sight.
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The world outside the walls was a breathtaking sight. The sky stretched endlessly, and the towering trees seemed to touch the heavens. Flowers adorned the landscape with wild abandon. Yet, this beauty came with a price.
"Abnormal to the right!" A scout's urgent cry pierced the serene scenery.
My eyes focused on the grotesque Titan charging mindlessly towards us, a twisted grin on its face, drool trailing from its mouth. The unfolding scene was abruptly interrupted when the Titan crashed face-first into the ground, blood splattering from the back of its nape. There he stood triumphantly on its head as he wiped the blades off with his handkerchief, disgusted by the blood.
Levi's swift action had averted a potential disaster. The casualties he prevented surprised me. One more second and we all could have been trampled.
"Good job, Levi!" I cheered, but the response from others was silent. They pretended the Titan went down on its own. Anyone else and they would have been cheering and profusely thanking them.
Burning eyes bore into the back of my head as we rode toward the woods. I knew it was Alexander, anger radiating from him, but I refused to let it dominate my thoughts.
Unfortunately, avoiding the confrontation proved futile. Alexander's horse closed the gap between ours. "What the hell was that?" he asked quietly.
"What was what, Alex?" I replied, my tone tinged with irritation.
"You know what,"
"No, I don't. Care to enlighten me?"
"Praising that rat," he groaned.
"You, of all people, should know I praise everyone for their Titan kills," I shot back, meeting his glare head-on.
"Captain Wright," Erwin's commanding voice intervened.
"Yes, sir?" Alexander responded, redirecting his attention to the mission.
"Your lack of attention is going to get you and your whole squad killed," Erwin's stern warning hung in the air. "Your insecurities are glaring. Fix it before it's fatal."
Erwin rode off, leaving Alexander visibly angered. The weight of change, with Erwin now the commander, was a tension in the air above all our heads.
Erwin saved me now but later is a different story.
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The velvet black canvas stretched for miles, adorned with iridescent lights scattered across the sky. Outside the walls, the expanse of the sky was boundless, a sight I cherished every time I stepped beyond the confinement.
Sunsets during our missions held a special allure. The hues painted across the horizon were a stark contrast to the constrained skies within the walls. Tonight, I wanted to venture out to the sky that seemed to stretch endlessly, promising a sanctuary of thoughts under the moon's watchful gaze.
The moon, my confidante, awaited me. No one else looked at me the way she did—listening intently, a beacon in my darkest moments. She bore witness to all my secrets, my fears, and the tears shed for fallen comrades.
Tonight, under the celestial gaze, I yearned to share the changes within the Scout Regiment. The prospect of transformation that lingered in the air, and I couldn't wait to confide in the silent confidante above.
In the tent, Alexander's snores were louder than ever. I wanted to shove a pillow on his face to stop his snoring. Sometimes I wonder if my insomnia is because of his late night snoring. Unfortunately disturbing his rare moments of piece felt like tiptoeing around a slumbering beast, and yet, the moon beckoned.
I slipped from Alexander's arms, donned my cloak and shoes, and secured my bag, casting a lingering look at the peaceful figure beside me. The captain's serenity in sleep was a stark contrast to the grumpiness he exhibited while awake.
The crackling fire greeted me as I stepped out of the tent. Someone tended to the flames, their figure cloaked in the flickering light. It intrigued me; late-night wanderers were usually a rarity during our missions. Who was up this late tending to a fire? It didn't bother me none, it was nice to have some company for once.
I plopped down next to them without much ceremony. "Couldn't sleep?" I asked, stretching my hands towards the fire for warmth.
Silence hung in the air, but I couldn't resist stealing a glance under their cloak. "Should've known it was you," I grinned. "How are you holding up?"
Their gaze remained locked on the dancing flames. "Fine," came the curt reply.
"Thirsty?" I pressed on, brushing off the cold shoulder.
No response, no eye contact. Nothing new.
"I'll take that as a yes," I chuckled, setting a pot of tea on the fire. While it brewed, I pulled out my sketchbook from the bag, ready to capture the night's beauty.
Drawing under the moonlight brought me unparalleled peace, and having Levi's silent company wasn't about to change that. I tossed back my hood, basking in the moon's glow with closed eyes.
"You're going to ruin the tea," Levi's voice cut through my tranquil moment.
"Pardon?" I said, meeting his gaze as he lifted the kettle from the fire.
"You're letting it steep for too long," he remarked. "And the fire is too hot. It should steep for three minutes if it's on a fire."
"Oh, I'm sorry," I replied. "Want me to make a new batch?"
"It'll suffice," he said, his tone as bland as ever.
I poured him a cup and served myself one too, watching as he grabbed it from the rim, just like the first time we met. It was a quirky habit, one he refused to let go. Something so small, yet I was intrigued—I wanted to know why the rim over the perfectly good handle on the side. It was a minor detail, but I craved understanding.
While I continued sketching the dim surroundings, I decided to break the silence.
"So, how do you like the Scouts so far?"
"I don't," he replied bluntly.
"Oh, well, why's that?" I asked, still absorbed in my sketch. His straightforwardness caught me off guard, though I shouldn't have been surprised.
"Everyone's arrogant assholes who think they are better than everyone," he stated.
"For a moment there, I thought you were talking about the MP's," I chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood. But my attempt fell flat, met with silence. Once again, I realized he wasn't much of a talker.
"I'm sorry if Alexander is getting to you," I said quietly, looking up at him. His eyes were already locked on me. "He wasn't always a jerk. It doesn't help that all the guys feed his ego."
"Hmph," Levi breathed out, eyes shifting away as he crossed his arms. "Like I'd let that shit bag get to me."
I smiled, my gaze lingering on him. "Good. I'm glad," I said, lowering my voice and glancing around for unwanted visitors.
"It's about time someone stands up to him. But let's keep that between us."
Once again, silence draped around us like a comforting cloak. The more it happened, the more I found solace in it. My sketch continued to capture the moon's tender caress over the land as the night unfolded.
"What is that?" Levi's voice cut through the quiet after a while.
"This?" I said, lifting my sketch.
"Yeah, that," he grumbled.
"Oh, just a sketch of the night sky," I replied casually, doodling away. "It's a beautiful night out, isn't it?"
"I guess you can say that," Levi spoke, his words measured.
"Just look at how pretty she is, Levi," I said, tilting my head back to gaze at the moon. Once again, he didn't utter a word.
"Do you not like the night sky, Levi?" I inquired.
"It's not my favorite," he admitted, a slow opening up to me. A brief pause lingered.
"Do you?"
"Absolutely. She's always there for me. Whenever you need her, she's there," I explained.
"Who is she?" Levi asked, clearly confused.
"Well, the moon, silly," I said with a playful smile.
In time Levi, you'll learn to love the moon the way I do.
━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━
37 notes · View notes
m-jelly · 5 months
Note
As I said before, I love your writing SOO MUCH >w< I hope you don't mind if I ask a request again, if so I'm sorry but I can't handle all these deaths in aot ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚
Can I request a scenario where characters like Levi's team (Petra, Oluo, Gunther, Eld) , Hange, Erwin, Mike, Moblit and Nanaba live? They are in forest around the fire like the scene where Zeke is in the forest, they are all sitting together, chatting, drinking and having fun. The reader and levi explain them that they are married, maybe one of levi's rare smiles
(♡´▽`♡) thank you and if you don't want to do it or change it, it's okay
(^з^)-☆Chu !!Love you<33
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@ladycheesington <3
A little outdoor celebration
Levi x fem!Reader
Canon AU, fluff, romance, married, celebrations, camping.
Levi takes you to a little camping spot to meet the rest of the scouts. The gathering was organised for the scouts to relax a little, but Levi turned it into an announcement to reveal the marriage between the two of you.
@ladycheesington @levisbrat25 @nyxiieluna @li-anne @galactict3a @youre-ackermine @thebobaprincess @2moth-anon2 @cypidity @notgoodforlife @demonsimp6 @nbinairyn
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A warm evening breeze drifted through the trees. The warm hand of your husband was so soothing to you. It was exciting that he was taking you on a woodland walk, at night and in his uniform. You could never get over how handsome he was in his uniform. It all fitted him so well and his cravat was so cute.
Those alluring steel-blue eyes of his looked over at you causing your cheeks to heat up. A cute small smile that you had come to love spread over his lips. Though his smile was rare to others, it was something you saw a fair few times. A smile from Levi was reserved just for you.
His warm lips against the back of your hand made your heart flutter. Those dazzling eyes of his locked onto yours as he kissed. A desire overcame you, you just needed to feel Levi. With a gentle tug, you pulled him against you. Your loving lips pressed against his flustering you both.
Levi wrapped his arms around you and held you close against your warm body. His loving fingers tangled in your hair as his tongue moved against yours. He released your lips before gently kissing you to confirm his love.
He gently took your hand in his allowing him to continue his walk with you to the campsite. "We're a little late, but I'm sure they'll be okay with it."
"Where will we be sleeping?"
He looked up at the tall and imposing trees. "Up top." He glanced over at you. "We'll be sharing."
A heat consumed you as naughty thoughts took over. "R-Really." You gasped a moment. "Oh, I've never used your gear before. It'll be like flying when you take me. I can't wait!"
"I'll be fun."
A soft hum of talking and laughter got louder. The welcoming smell of a bonfire and food drifted over to you and Levi. It was exciting to meet the massive team after everything they'd been through. They'd faced the female titan and lived to tell the tale and met the beat titan for the first time and Mike fought back. It was a miracle they all lived and it truly showed how strong they all were.
"Levi!" Erwin strolled over. "You made it."
Levi pulled you closer. "We did."
Erwin leaned around Levi to see he was shielding you, which showed just how much Levi loved you. "You must be the woman Levi mentioned."
You gave your name. "Lovely to meet you."
He shook your hand. "You too. We have plenty to drink and eat. I also made suer the tent in the tree for Levi was big enough for two."
"Thank you."
Levi squeezed you against him. "Good. I would have been pissed if we weren't sharing."
You tugged on his shirt a little. "Levi? Could we get something to eat?"
He held your hand and pulled you to a little spot. "Here okay? Eat anything you like." He got you a bowl full of stew and a drink. "You deserve it."
Petra and Oluo decided to join you and Levi. Petra smiled at how Levi was with you. "Are you two dating?"
You stopped eating and looked at Levi. "Umm." You didn't say a thing because you knew Levi had kept his marriage to you quiet. It wasn't because he was embarrassed, but he just wanted privacy. "Levi?"
Levi took your hand. "We're not dating. She's my wife."
Your cheeks burned at his declaration. "Yeah, we're married."
Oluo stared. "The Captain? Married?" His head raced at learning something about someone he looked up to for years keeping information from him. "Marriage..."
Mike walked over and handed Levi a bottle. "Wine?"
Levi held his hand up. "No thank you."
Mike sniffed the air and hummed. "You smell like each other."
Levi released a long sigh. "I should announce it." He pulled you close. "Everyone? I want to tell you all something." He looked at you and smiled sweetly surprising everyone. "This is my wife."
Hange raised a cup. "A toast! To the married couple! Let's make tonight about the scout victories and Levi actually getting a woman to like him!"
"Tch, shitty glasses."
You giggled as the group cheered. "This will be fun."
Levi looked at you. "Mm, I suppose. What's important is you. Sleeping in the tree together will be fun."
You felt your cheeks burn. "I think so too."
56 notes · View notes
coloredsolos · 1 year
Text
EXPEDITION
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pairing: levi x gn!reader
content: gender neutral reader, mentions of death, slight angst, levi doesn’t understand why he feels the way he does, poor boy just needs you alive
wc: 0.9k
a/n: some levi content! please let me know how you like this :)
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Levi was unusually quiet as he adjusted the straps of your gear. He was fiddling with the same strap on your thigh that had caught his attention 5 minutes ago. Finally, seeming to have given up, he let out a short grunt of frustration and stood. 
“Tch, damn thing is giving me a headache.” He scoffed. 
You remained silent as you watched the shorter man turn his back to you, arms crossed. You knew why Levi was frustrated and unfortunately, there was nothing either of you could do about it. The last expedition you had been on the outside of the walls hadn’t ended very well for either of you. Levi had found you himself, half dead, after the female titan had brought catastrophe to the rest of his squad. 
Levi continued to zip through the trees as fast as he could. A single thought repeated itself throughout his mind. 
‘Please don’t be dead.’
He stopped suddenly, perching himself on one of the high branches. The stench of blood was everywhere. Quickly making his way to the source, he felt a jolt through his body.
First, he saw Eld. His second in command. His body had been split in half, thrown away without a care. 
Then he saw Petra. She had been crushed against a tree, her head looking up towards where Levi sat perched. 
Then there was Oluo. Gunther. You.
Where were you? Levi continued to zip around in a fury, his eyes tested up from the wind. He knew he was wasting gas with how fast he was going, but he had to find you. To see with his own eyes.
His thoughts flashed back to Isabel and Furlan. He had let himself get too comfortable again and now look at what happened. Levi hadn’t planned on getting this close to you. In fact he did everything he could to avoid it. He was rude, cold and short with you. But you continued to push his buttons in ways he didn’t think possible. The way you smiled irked him. Why were you smiling when you were surrounded by death? He hated the way you could light up any room, no matter the circumstance. He especially hated your laugh. Why were you laughing at some dumb joke a cadet had said? Didn’t you know how precious that laughter was? 
But things changed. Training with you every day, Levi learned to love those things he once hated. He loved the way you pushed yourself, continuing forward even if nobody believed in you. He loved the fact that now he was the one who got to see you laugh. Although, he knew he wasn’t funny, he loved the fact you’d laugh anyways. 
But most importantly, Levi loved the way you made him feel a sense of hope. He could see a future where it was the two of you, no titans, no nothing. Just the two of you. 
And then he saw you. You had been laying on your back, a pool of blood surrounding you. For a moment Levi felt as if he couldn’t breathe. He was reminded of how he felt all those years ago, seeing the people he cared about torn to shreds. His body moved on its own, zipping towards you, carefully avoiding branches as he did so. After what felt like forever, but in reality, was mere seconds, he was cradling your body. His forehead had been pressed gently against yours, his eyes shut. He was listening. Listening for any sign that you were alive. And then he heard it. A shallow breath. But a breath nonetheless. Levi let out a breath of his own, one he didn’t realize he had been holding. Feeling his warm breath fan across your face, your eyes began to open slowly.
“M’ sorry captain,” Was all you were able to get out, your eyes began to shut once more, they felt heavier than usual.
“Shut up. Save your energy. If you’re that sorry you can make it up to me by living,” was all your captain said to you. 
It had been a miracle you survived. You both knew that. And now here you were, cleared to go back outside the walls. Levi would never beg, however, he did suggest to Erwin that he extend your medical leave to ensure 100% performance, but your commander knew better. He couldn’t show favorites. He knew you were medically fit to be out in the field so his decision stood. Levi of course understood this, but if everyone else was allowed to be selfish every now and then why wasn’t he? 
“Levi…” your voice broke him out of his thoughts.
He turned back to face you, his expression immediately softened once he saw the fear in your eyes. 
How stupid had he been? He completely forgot how this would affect you as well. He couldn’t imagine how you must be feeling right now, he had been so caught up in how angry he was instead of comforting you like he should have been. 
He crossed the room quickly, bringing you into his chest before you even knew what had happened. His hand rested on the back of your head, petting your hair softly in a way to soothe not only yourself but him as well.
“I’m sorry Levi, ” You were quick to apologize, you didn’t mean to cause him any pain. You felt silly, getting close to your captain of all people, knowing what kind of person he is. How cold he can be. And then when he did finally let you in, you felt worse. He shut himself off from everyone to protect himself and here you were meddling with that. 
“If you’re that sorry then you can make it up to me by living,” he whispered.
832 notes · View notes
Note
Hiii! How are you? Hope you're doing good! I was wondering if you could write some fluffy Headcanons for the original Levi's squad and how would they react/treat a very very short and curvy s/o (like, 4'10''-11'' this is very self indulgent, let this womanlet have her fun I beg). Of course if you don't feel up to it feel free to ignore the ask! I thank you in advance❤️
Hello! I've been trying to work on some of my really old requests (hence my post last week) and this is another I've finished. I'm sorry if it's not really what you wanted, I'm short-ish and curvy and I struggled a bit to write this. But I hope you like some of the ideas I have. ❤️
Levi
Considering Levi’s height, he’s good to talk to if it’s something you’re feeling down about or if people are teasing you. He’s the first to jump to your defence and will always put others in their place if they are rude to you.
He feels you’re the perfect size and makes sure to tell you this.
A part of the ‘small but tough’ club and will extend his hand for you to join.
Helps you to find a horse that’s just right for you, he appreciates the horses a lot of the others ride will be too tall and too broad for you so he takes care in finding you just the right one and one that you have a bond with.
If you were dating - Cuddles are the best, you just slot together so perfectly, neither one is too tall nor too short to comfortably kiss, hold hands etc.
Oluo
Can be a little mean but it’s his way of showing affection as we already know, can it be frustrating, absolutely.
Compliments how much your curves suit you and how attractive you are. But also will make a comment along the lines of being ‘as cute as a button’.
Can be quite protective, it’s okay for him to give you nicknames, but others? Nope, Oluo is not having it – he knows that you know he means it in an affectionate way (perhaps he even has a little crush) but if others are doing it just to be mean or spiteful he won’t mince his words. As Oluo isn’t overly tactful at times, he’d probably just punch them to be honest.
Did I mention cute nicknames? Some of them can be a little cringe.
If you were dating, I could imagine him showing you off a lot like you’re one of a kind. It is a little patronising, but Oluo will listen, if you give him a bit of time and stop. Instead he’d just like holding your hand and subtle public displays of affection.
Petra
Likes going clothes shopping together and picking out items that suit you as well as her. Sometimes you manage to get clothes that you can both wear, nice long dress on you, a short little number on her… it works, somehow.
But honestly Petra doesn’t even notice your height, she just thinks you’re neat just how you are and so your height and body type don’t really come up. If they do and it’s because someone has been mean to you, Petra is very good at reassuring you, being motivational and helping you to love yourself just as you.
Absolutely knows that size isn’t everything and regardless or height or body type you can be just as deadly as the others. Tactics may be different for you, but aren’t they for everyone?
She loves hanging out in cafes with you and drinking hot chocolate with lots of cream and marshmallows, sampling different delights and generally trying to forget about ‘work’.
If you’re dating - Movie nights huddled under blankets and eating popcorn, something about you is just so cosy to her.
Eld
Is really protective over you, he doesn’t mean to be patronising but he can’t help but feel like he wants to watch over you.
You remind him a little of one of his sisters which makes it difficult for him to let go of you.
Suggests a prank where one day you where stilts to be as tall as he is.
Thinks you are perfect just the way you are and will quite confidently and happily say this to anyone.
Eld feels like you complete the group, you’re all slightly different heights and builds and to him this makes for an excellent team.
Encourages you to be the middle of team hugs!
Will lift you up high when celebrating a victory and loves to have a few drinks with you, even though you’re small he knows you can be a fierce drinking opponent.
If dating – Eld loves picking you up and having you wrap your legs round his waist. He holds onto you with ease and loves this position because it’s easy to kiss you.
Gunther
Knows that although you’re small you can be determined and still speak loudly and assertively, it’s one of the things Gunther loves about you.
If you can’t see something that’s ahead or don’t have a very good view (Modern au – like concerts, gigs etc.) Gunther would be the first to pick you up and let you sit on his shoulders.
And if you said anything about the fact you were curvy, and would this be okay he would absolutely reassure you and praise you.
Gunther is secretly (not so secretly) a really good baker so he’ll bring you lots of delicious homemade breads, cakes etc. He knows you have a sweet tooth and thinks you’re adorable for it – after all you need a lot of sugar to convert into energy for all the work you do, whether training or out in the field! He’s very happy to oblige with this.
Also makes a great partner in crime for baking with and generally getting messy in the kitchen.
If dating – Gunther is 100% the big spoon and loves it.
20 notes · View notes
sparkywrites25 · 10 months
Note
Hey! I saw you were taking requests for AOT? Could I get one with canon Levi(like his personality matches his in the show) where reader thinks he hates her and confesses their feelings but it turns out he feels the same?
I am so so sorry that this took so freaking long to do. So much for aiming to get a request done in a week. I forgot this was all the way back in April. Three months... yikes. I also started writing this a different way and it wasn't going so well so I restarted it and I feel like this turned out a lot better than the original. Anyway I hope you like it and thank you so much for requesting this.
Summary: Reader has to let her feelings out even if it'll hurt like hell.
Pairing: Levi x Reader
Taglist: @notgoodforlife @youre-ackermine @ladycheesington
Notes: If you like my work and want to see more then please join my taglist. Form is pinned on my blog.
Looking at the stars has always relaxed you. 
Ever since you were a child, you loved to take yourself out into the tiny backyard of your family’s home in Trost, and stare up at the dark heavens which twinkled with a million lights. Your face would light up in wonder each time; your mind already flying away, creating wonderful stories in your imagination about exploring that canvas of beauty. Your mother would find you lying on the ground, watching it all as if it would change before your eyes if you so much as turned away. She’d tease you about it. Later she would tell you how much it calmed you down whenever you threw a tantrum or were upset with one of your brothers. She would send you outside to look up at your favourite sight in the world. 
As you stand on the rooftop of Trost’s Scout base, staring up at those same stars, you realize that maybe she was encouraging you to learn about perspective. How different things can look if you see them from a different angle, or how seeing the same angle with different emotions can make things shift. Your hands are rough and marked by healing cuts from the latest expedition and the weeks of training before it. The price of being strong enough to survive yet another bloodbath. You don’t see the blood or feel the pain that you did at the time all of these marks were made. But they are the same hands, changing with your experiences and with time. It’s a scary thing to think about, change, or it can be a good thing.
You exhale softly and clasp your hands on the stone wall in front of you. You can think of one thing that hasn’t changed, you reflect, despite how many times you’ve stood here and how many different emotions you’ve carried up here all this time. You’re not sure if that is something that will ever change. Maybe it’s just something that you will have to live with, to accept just like these two remaining walls of humanity have accepted that these monsters are their past, present and future. 
It’s been three days since the latest expedition. A period of rest and mourning usually follows for a few days but in the winter it’s longer. As this is the last expedition before the heart of winter arrives, the commander has told everyone to take the week off from training. Some have taken leave to be with their families. Some are just recuperating here. For some, they will be taking terrible news to their families. For others, it’s all they can do to hold themselves together. 
Normally you’d be downstairs with your squad - the Special Operations Squad - talking and trying to find some normality and peace with your comrades. Listening to Petra and Oluo argue. Teasing Eld about his girlfriend. Trying to rattle Gunther into letting slip some tidbits about his personal life. Watching the Captain drink his tea and list everybody’s cleaning chores for the week. The thought of the captain has your nerves quivering with an intoxicating energy that both excites and frightens you. You’ve never felt this strongly about someone who wasn’t a friend or family. You may have no romantic experience - and in truth, until now, you had no interest in getting any - but you know how you feel. 
It’s a fucked up situation; you’ve been reminding yourself of this for weeks now. Training with him and trying not to get distracted by his impressive flexibility and efficient fighting style. You pretend to dread your one-on-ones with the captain in sparring. You pretend that you hate having him watching you train with the rest of the squad. You lie that he intimidates you, that you wouldn’t like to be hauled into his office for anything. All the while you like feeling his attention on you. You like the opportunity to remind him of why he chose you to join his squad. You like being near him and listening to him. You like cleaning his office and talking to him as you work. You love learning the occasional little snippet about him, about what he thinks, what he’s experienced. You like putting together the thousands of little pieces that make up Captain Levi. You take great pride in the fact that he called your tea-making abilities “good” and you have to fight a smile every time he comes over to correct your cleaning. 
Ordinarily you really enjoy the post-mission hangout of your squad too. Tonight, however, the thought of it chokes you. Tonight you’re feeling the weight of the veil you wear; this veil of professionalism, of platonic feeling and comradarie wraps tightly around you. The heaviness of it makes you feel dizzy and nauseous. Even up here, taking in gulps of cold, fresh air, you can feel the veil slipping away from you. With every conversation you have with your captain, you can feel the material sliding away and you have to pull it back. You have to remind yourself that professional boundaries exist and that the reality is extremely high that the captain does not share your feelings. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him show any kind of indication towards anyone. Maybe that’s just his way or maybe he’s just private. Not that it’s any of your business.
If anything, you think as you stare up at the stars, he seems completely disinclined towards even liking you let alone everyone else. He cuts conversation short whenever you’re alone together. Your cleaning irritates the hell out of him. Often it feels like he’s sharper with you than the others. He gives you the duties furthest away from him the most. Your favourite task of cleaning his office is one you’ve done the least out of your squad. He always looks at you with neutral eyes yet he engages with the rest of the squad fairly well. You can’t help but wonder if he regrets taking you into his squad. Maybe he has too much pride to just kick you out. Or maybe he’s just waiting for an excuse?
Thinking about all of this is giving you a headache and you rub at your temples with each of your index fingers. 
“Wanna explain why you’re hiding up here on your own?”
You’re startled into spinning round at the sudden sound of the captain’s voice. Your eyes dart towards the door and to the frowning man currently closing it behind him. Holy fuck, you didn’t even hear him approach, or the door open for that matter. The shame burns through you at once. You really should have been more alert even if it is Captain Levi who appears to have mastered the art of stealthy movements. A flicker of envy licks at the pit of your stomach. In all honesty, you can only dream of being that coordinated. 
The gentle wind that had been blowing through you for half an hour has brought some hair into your face. You reach up to tidy yourself up on instinct as you straighten up into a salute. The fist over your heart presses a bit heavier tonight and you try and push your earlier thoughts from your mind. With the man himself standing there though, this is difficult. 
“I just wanted some time alone, sir,” you answer hastily. It’s not a lie and it’s not an unrealistic answer either. It’s simple. 
The captain approaches you. You note that the circles under his eyes are looking dark again. You wonder that he doesn’t at least try and sleep during quieter periods like this. But then again, maybe he has. Maybe he knows a lost cause when he sees one. 
It must be nice to be able to move on from such things, you think bitterly as you can’t help contemplating your own feelings for him. If only you could leave them behind so you could just feel…  normal with him. That would be pretty nice. The world turns silent as you muse on this. You can no longer feel the wind on your face or the cold in your skin. Everything is muted and it’s not the worst feeling in the world. You stand in that numb state, battling your own thoughts. 
After a moment, you realize that the captain is now standing in front of you. His brow is rumpled with lines of deep annoyance and his narrow eyes are fixed on your face. His lips are moving but you can’t hear his words. He speaks slowly but you can’t read the shapes that he forms. So, you blink slowly and try to focus on him. As soon as you do, the world seems to wake up again. Cold touches your face and you can hear your own breathing that sounds heavy after the silence of a moment ago. 
“Sorry sir,” you manage to rasp. Your voice sounds closed up, like you’re about to cry and you hate it. “I didn’t hear what you said.”
“Really? I’m stood right here and you can’t hear me? You mean you weren’t listening.”
Your cheeks heat up and you consider arguing with him but instead you just bow your head and turn away from him. It’s easier not to look at the irritation he’s wearing or how beautiful his eyes are when they reflect the starlight. Instead, you reach out and hold onto the stone wall, grounding yourself to the moment. 
“Hey.” This time Levi’s voice is gentle. “What’s going on with you?” 
You shake your head because, honestly, you’re not so sure yourself. “I don’t know,” you admit quietly, still not looking at him. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out, I guess.”
To your right, you observe your captain as he steps up to the wall then turns his back to lean on it. He folds his arms and watches you, his gaze softening in a way you have never seen directed at you. You can’t stop yourself from staring back into those enchanting blue-grey orbs. “Petra would say that that would be easier to figure out if you were with us,” he remarked and gave a tiny shrug of his narrow shoulders. 
You manage a weak, crooked smile. “Yeah she would. But I… I don’t really want a group chat right now.”
“You should talk to someone.”
“I don’t think so. It won’t change anything,” you admit and you mentally curse yourself for letting slip even that much. 
“So you do know what’s bugging you.”
You sigh, feeling your patience begin to bleed out and you close your eyes. You remind yourself where you are and who you’re talking to. If this were one of your friends, you’d have snapped at them to leave you alone right now. But you can’t exactly do that with Levi, can you? But at the same time, you can feel this unpleasant feeling creeping over you. A feeling of edge, of broken glass, like you’ll go shooting off into a hundred sharp pieces if this feeling completes itself. Who knows what you might say or do if he doesn’t leave you be? What you might say if this feeling gets to take hold completely. You fix your eyes on the horizon, determined to avoid Levi’s gaze. Maybe if you stay quiet, he’ll just go away. He’s not the most sociable man. He’s not someone who seems all that comfortable with heavy displays or emotion or tolerance for awkward situations. Give it long enough and he might just leave you to it. 
You hear your name being spoken and you close your eyes. You love the sound of those syllables in his baritone voice. You hate that you like it so much. 
“Sir.” Once again you sound fragmented. “Please just leave me be.”
“No.” Levi’s quick answer surprises you and you turn your head slightly but not enough to look him fully in the eye. “Do I look stupid enough to just leave my comrade to it when they look like they’re about to jump off this fucking roof?”
Your eyes are blown wide as you finally meet his again then look to the horizon and then back to him in a rapid string of disbelief. “You think…” you begin to say then push yourself away from the edge and shake your head. “This isn’t…. It isn’t that. I’m not… I’m not depressed, Captain.” Your voice sounds strong, at least, as the words tumble out of you. “God, I don’t… I don’t feel like that. I… I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you if I wanted to…” You don’t even try and finish the sentence, wrapping your arms around yourself as you begin to walk around the rooftop. 
His footsteps barely sound against the stone as he follows you. “Then what’s going on?”
“It’s personal, sir. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“When personal gets shitty, it gets in the way of work.” Levi argues, “and then that shit puts your life in danger out in the field.”
You release a breath in a huff, tightening your arms around yourself as you feel your temper shooting up to the surface, burning its way through your nerves. Your self-reminders of who Levi is and of behaving yourself are falling quieter by comparison now. 
“You… can talk to me… if you want. Whatever helps you keep your head and keeps you alive.”
You should be appreciative of his words, of the discomfort you can hear when he delivers them. You don’t want to feel agitated with him. You wish you could swallow down your feelings and leave them be. Your captain is not a comforting man. He’s not someone whose natural instinct it is to mollycoddle and reassure. Yet he is trying to get through to you right now. The way he can. He has his own ways of getting through to people. But right now those ways are not what you need or want. But how do you tell him that without sounding like an ass?
He says your name again and your impatience and your temper spill over into each other. 
“It’s too painful, captain!” You snap at him as you turn on him. Your voice echoes across the rooftop as tears burn in the corners of your eyes. “It’s too painful to talk to you about this,” you spit out. As soon as the words escape you, you can feel your chest deflate even as the horror of what you’ve just said fills your cheeks and warms them up.
Fuck. 
Beat after beat of silence follow and with each second, you can feel your throat constricting with the burn of your admission. Regret pours through your veins like rain washes over leaves. It drenches you and the words hover in your mind, painful and clear. 
“Why?” Levi only speaks one word but the heaviness of it hangs in the air between you. He doesn’t need to elaborate and your original intention of bullshitting your way out of this is rapidly disappearing. With your admission out in the open, you can feel more rising up from your chest. You may as well keep going, you tell yourself. It’s got to come out now.
You turned your back on him and stare up at the stars again, your eyes seeking the comforting presence of those beautiful lights. 
A hand touches your arm, fingers cupping your elbow. It’s not a firm grip. You could pull away from him if you wanted to. But the intention is clear. Don’t run away. 
Yet even as you resign yourself to the confession, your body moves of its own accord. You step back, pulling your arm out of Levi’s reach. You turn further away from him, your torso twisting faster than your feet. The sudden turn and lack of coordination catches up with you in a second, and you overbalance. You land on your side, your hip taking the brunt of the fall. You curse quietly, scrunching up your face as pain and irritation battle across it. 
“Tch,” the captain’s voice is surprisingly tender as he kneels down beside you, lifting both of his thin eyebrows. “It’s a good thing you don’t get nervous on the battlefield,” he observes, “otherwise you’d be titan chow by now.”
You stare at him for a moment and then a small laugh bubbles out of you. Your nerves have always made you clumsy and it was something you were worried would stop you progressing in the Scouts. Yet here you are. 
“Yeah, a good thing,” you mutter and bow your head. You wish you could wake up from this. Somehow even burying these feelings seems like a better option than continuing this scene and yet there’s no avoiding it now. What needs to be said, must be said. You both have to move forward. Rip the bandage off, your mother would say if she was here. 
“What’s going on?” Levi asks, firmness entering his voice now. “Just say it, whatever it is. Then it’s done. You can’t hold onto it now. Not without it screwing you up.” 
You take it in with a deep breath. His words are surprisingly insightful and, in a way, they do make the prospect seem easier. But then you think about how you could be throwing this away, the ability to talk with your captain with a reasonable lack of awkwardness. Now there will be this thing hanging in the air above you, always. But maybe it’s a weight that can finally come away from your shoulders. You’ve begun to walk down this path and now you have to continue. 
“I…” the words jam in your throat and you scowl into the space next to Levi as frustration rattles your insides. Why can’t you just say it? You close your eyes and try and focus yourself. It’s some advice that one of your fellow cadets gave you years ago when you used to lose your temper over little matters. She taught you how to rein in some of your intensity. But thinking of her just reminds you of the last time you saw her, in the jaws of a 9-metre titan.
Levi says your name again and you’re pulled from your memory. It’s a relief, compared to the image that was taking clear form in your mind’s eye again. Compared to what Katya endured, you realize that you have to be able to say these words, to put to good use what she taught you. 
“I’m in love with you.” The jam in your throat fades and the words slip out as quickly as water. You even manage to raise your eyes to look into Levi’s. You stare into them once you do, caught off guard by what you see. 
You can see the surprise in his ever-so-slightly widened eyes and the barely noticeable slack in his jaw. But what really surprises you is the lack of judgment in his eyes. He doesn’t give you the look he normally gives you when he’s seriously considering your decisions - such as attempting to showcase your standard of cleaning as acceptable when he can still see dust on his bookshelves, when he eyes your lamentable folding and when there are still patches of dirt on the newly mopped floor. The you’re-killing-his soul narrowed eyes and thin, disapproving line of a mouth. You don’t see any of that. 
Instead he stares at you like you just appeared right in front of him, like you came out of nothing and he’s trying to wrap his head around how that’s possible. He looks beautiful like that, caught in wonder. You feel yourself begin to smile despite the surprise in your own chest filtering into a clawing sense of dread. 
Now for the rejection… the reprimand. 
Where you should stay quiet and delay the arrival of either of those things, you now find your voice returning to you. As though your brain has decided for you. To hell with this. I’m going to throw it out there. You swallow and you plant the tips of your fingers on the cold stone beneath you. 
“I know it’s unprofessional. You’re my commanding officer. We serve in the same team. It makes things awkward.” Your cheeks are searing with heat now. “I’m sorry for it but you’re right. I had to get it out. It’s eating away at me. I can’t afford to keep this to myself anymore. I-I’ll take whatever you say. I just… had to get it out.”
More silence. As the seconds pass, your stomach twists. You gaze expectantly into your captain’s face. Despite the open surprise, he’s still somewhat unreadable. You can’t see traces of anger, embarrassment or irritation in his expression. It gives you a flutter of hope that maybe this could be a bit less painful than you had expected it to be. 
“Huh,” Levi says after another minute or two. He lowers his gaze and you feel your stomach plummet along with it. 
“I’m sorry-” you begin to say just as he speaks. 
“So, I’m not the only idiot then.”
It’s your turn to look surprised. “What?” you squint and lean forwards a little.
Levi sighs and takes your elbows. He rises to his feet, taking you with him. You wobble a little when upright, just for a moment but he keeps a firm grip until you’re steady then he lets go. “I said I’m not the only idiot.”
“Why… why you be an idiot?” you repeat. Your brain feels too fogged up in confusion to pick out the meaning behind his words. It was so far from what you expected him to say. All the imaginary reprimands and rejections are still hovering around although they are retreating a little. 
He tilts his head, a slight smirk curving up one corner of his mouth. “Figure it out,” he answers and there’s an almost playful edge there. 
It takes an embarrassing number of seconds for the fog to lift and suddenly the impossible seems to manifest in front of you all at once. You feel your own jaw dropping and a tingling feeling sweep through your body at once. “You… feel the same?” you ask, not hiding the disbelief from your voice. “I don’t understand,” you admit.
Now Levi’s lips press together into that familiar frown that you were expecting before. “I do.” He answers as he folds his arms. “What’s hard to understand?”
“How can you return my feelings when you dislike me so much?” You blurt out. “It just…. It doesn’t make sense.”
“Come again?” comes the dry response. Levi’s brows knot together. “Who the fuck said I dislike you?”
“No one needed to!” you fire back, annoyed. “It’s pretty obvious that I annoy you. You seem to regret choosing me for your squad. You seem to hate me being close to you.” The instances roll through your head on a loop, firing up your words. It clouds over the part of you that is telling yourself to be careful of what you say to him. Because right now you have to get through this conversation, or rather, at this point, make sense of it.
Levi closes his eyes and brings a hand up to pinch between his brows. “And people tell me that I’m shit at reading people.”
You’ve always known that Levi has an audacious tongue but even so, you falter. “Excuse me?”
He lowers his hands to his hips and frowns at you although there is a softness to his eyes. “I don’t dislike you. I never have,” he admits. “Look, your cleaning is inconsistent and needs work at best, you never leave a tea to brew long enough before you start drinking it, you always get drawn into arguments with people especially Oluo, and you worry too much about shit that’s just not that important,” he tells you brusquely. “You’re shit at asking for help and you always take too much crap from other people.” 
You frown deeply and shake your head. “Where are you going with this-?”
“You’re also one of the best team players I’ve ever seen. You make sure a job gets done even if it’s not your turn. You back up your comrades in and out of missions. You’re a capable and talented soldier yet you don’t get cocky about it. You don’t whinge about this job. You give your heart to the Scouts.”
You can feel the blush in your cheeks spreading over your face. “That’s what we all have to do.”
“Not everyone does it. People are shitty and selfish.” Levi tells you. “But not you. You do your damn job and you take what comes. Why the fuck would you think I’d dislike that?”
You fidget from one foot to the other. “But you always act like… like I’m a pest.”
Levi looks away from you, his eyes rising up to the starry canvas above him. “I’m not Hange. I don’t wear everything on my fucking sleeve. I’m not Erwin either. I’m not someone who dazzles people with eloquence. But more importantly,” and his eyes shift back to you, “I’m your superior officer. Coming on to you… I’d look like a fucking creep.”
You bite your lip and step forward. “I wouldn’t think that. I would have… you know… I would have admitted it too.”
“And if you hadn’t returned my feelings?” Levi questions. “You could have reported me. You could have requested a transfer. I would have lost a very capable soldier from my squad,” he explains. “You said that I didn’t act like I liked you. You’re pretty damn capable of concealing things yourself.”
You step forward a little and a smile crosses your face, small and sheepish. “Okay, that’s fair. I-I could have maybe hinted or something but I really didn’t want to be reprimanded or embarrassed.”
“I wouldn’t punish you for having feelings,” Levi insists. “But they’d have to be kept in check especially on missions.”
“I know. I’ve seen them get people killed,” you assure him. “I guess we both decided it’d be safer to say nothing.”
“But something changed for you today,” Levi takes half a step towards you. “What happened?”
“Nothing in particular,” you admit, returning your attention to the horizon and wrapping your arms around yourself as you return to your spot by the wall. “But it’s tiring playing pretend.” You rest your arms on the wall and lean your chin on them with a heavy sigh. “I just had to let myself stop for a moment.”
Levi’s footsteps approach you but you don’t look around. The confession and this entire conversation is taking it out of you. On the one hand it’s going so much better than you expected and on the other hand, you feel like you’re walking on unknown territory, on ice where you don’t know if it’s stable or not. Trying to think over what that means is unsettling.
“What does this mean?” You decide to take the initiative. “We both had our reasons for keeping quiet. Now we’re here, I don’t know what happens now.”
“You think I do?” Levi steps up next to you and leaned his back against the wall. “I can’t offer you a safe life.” He tells you quietly. “I’m not going to quit the Survey Corps and go be a farmer or work in a shop. I’m not going to stop fighting the titans.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to,” you answer, turning your face and leaning your cheek on your arms. “I’m not walking away from this life, either. I’m good at what I do. Humanity needs you to fight for them. They need us to fight for them. I didn’t train for three years and witness all this death just to walk away and play it safe.”
Levi’s mouth twitched into a smile. “So we’re both sticking with this shitty life in the shitty military.”
You smile back at him. “Looks like it, captain.”
He turns around, leaning against the wall with his front and partway mirroring your folded arms on the wall. His gaze lingers on your face and you stare up at him. This time the silence is comfortable, filled with an unspoken agreement that things will be different now. The path ahead is no longer clouded with uncertainty and assumptions. You can see Levi clearly and he can see you. You know what you mean to each other now and your heart feels lighter for it. 
“I don’t know if I’m capable of being what you want,” he muses quietly but he’s leaning in towards you. 
You’re lifting your head towards his, your eyes dropping to his lips as you whisper back. “You’re already what I want. You always have been.”
“So are you,” he murmurs back and then his lips touch yours. It’s a soft press and for a few moments nothing happens. Uncertainty returns between the two of you. That and inexperienced curiosity. Your lips move first, against his and his match on instinct. You both slip into it as instinct takes over. 
Moonlight and starlight fall around you but for now those beautiful sights are relegated to being the background for something new and wonderful and unknown. Something that will bind you and your captain even closer together.
87 notes · View notes
violet-fluff · 4 months
Text
💙 Levi x Sick! Reader
Pulling Through
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“We should visit Y/N. It’s been a while.” Petra says sadly.
Gunther frowns. “You know Captain won’t let us. It seems like the better she gets, the more protective he is. Which I understand. It took so long for her to get better so he’s probably paranoid of her getting sick again.”
You caught a bad case of pneumonia, and at one point, the doctors didn’t think you would make it. Fortunately you did pull through and you felt like it was all because of Levi. He took care of you from the beginning. He made sure you took your medicine on the dot, bathed you, fed you and did everything in his will to keep you alive. Now you are in the recovery stage trying to get your strength back.
Petra feels sympathetic for her Captain as she knows how much he loves you. “Hanji told me before that Levi’s mother died due to sickness. It would have been awful if the same happened to Y/N.”
“If what happened to me?”
They all quickly snap their heads to the side and gasp when they see Levi rolling you in a wheelchair into the mess hall.
“Y/N!!” Petra squeals excitedly.
“Well look who decided to finally show up.” Eld jokes lightly as they all walk up to you.
You feel Levi’s hand stiffen on your shoulder as everyone gets closer, so you give his hand a light squeeze to tell him it was ok.
“I begged Levi to let me come out and get some fresh air. I feel better already!” You smile as you take in the sight of your friends who you’ve missed.
They all take in the sight of you as well. Their faces dropping slightly as they notice your thin frame from the weight you’ve lost, as well as your dark sunken eyes against your pale skin.
“Well it’s good to see you out and about.” Oluo announces happily, for once not uttering a sarcastic comment.
Levi grunts. “Ok brats, time to leave my wife alone. She needs to eat.”
You give the team a knowing smile and let Levi wheel you to the table. While you wait for Levi to finish making your soup, you catch up with your friends.
“I’m so glad you’re ok.” Petra croaks out, trying to not cry.
You lean over to hug her. “Don’t cry it’s okay.”
Oluo rolls his eyes. “I’m glad you’re back so now I don’t have to listen to Petra’s girly gossip anymore.”
Gunther snorts a laugh. “It’s weird you say that because from the looks of it, you love the gossip.”
Petra sighs. “Bet you didn’t miss these bozos.”
You laugh. “I miss everything. Time seemed to fly by for me though. I can’t believe I’ve been down for two months now.”
“It was a long two months without one of our favorite captains. Also, there was no one to protect us from Captain Levi’s harsh training.” Eld says.
“It was much needed training.” Levi scolds as he walks back in with a bowl of soup.
Due to muscle pain and weakness, Levi has to hold the bowl for you but you were able to lift the spoon to feed yourself. You were only able to eat half of the bowl before becoming full.
“Please, Love, just eat a few more spoons for me.” Levi begs with a sigh.
Petra has to cover her mouth to stop herself from squealing while the guys look at each other awkwardly as they have never witnessed their captain so lovey-dovey.
After eating a few more spoons to make Levi content, you yawn. “I’m tired. Can you take me back to the room?”
Levi nods and grabs the handles of your wheelchair.
“I’ll see you all tomorrow.” You wave goodbye to your team.
Everyone watches as Levi wheels you away, as well as kissing the top of your head.
Petra watches with love-struck eyes. “I’m so happy for them. I hope I find love like that one day.”
Oluo scoffs and then hurls over as she elbows him in the stomach.
294 notes · View notes
amywritesthings · 10 months
Text
silver underground. / chapter nine.
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( Read on AO3 )
Pairing: Levi Ackerman x F!Reader (Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin)
Word Count: 3.3K
Summary: Day 162 - also known as the first day of the expedition
Warnings: titans, blood and violence mention, arguments, semi-gaslighting, …things get heated in a wink wink nudge nudge way
Previous Chapter. / Next Chapter. | Masterlist.
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CHAPTER NINE.
“Head’s up! Titan spotted on the northeast.”
It’s the first time the Captain of the Special Operations Squad has spoken to the group this morning, inching towards the early afternoon.
The team formation is simple: you’re dead center in a protective diamond while Levi’s black stallion charges in the lead. This was a non-negotiable decision, unanimously agreed upon by your Scout colleagues. 
Your safety, as they claim, is their top priority.
(The mission, as you'd argue, should be their top priority instead.)
And after yesterday's argument, you still feel sour. Devastated. Low, like their efforts don't really mean much.
Lack of sleep can get your comrades killed.
Why would he say that? Did Levi do something wrong when you were still yourself?
Through supper and well into the evening hours, you're stuck on that very question. Every word, every syllable, is loaded.
Lack of sleep can get your comrades killed. Don’t repeat past mistakes.
Just thinking about it breaks your skin into a cold sweat.
(Was it not Levi who fucked up, but you?)
You can’t ask.
Levi managed to avoid group breakfast in the crawling dawn, out of sight and out of mind until the agreed upon expedition hour — 06:00 hours — came to a head.
"How big is it?" Eld asks, squinting against the sun.
"Three meters at most," Levi states.
“I got this,” Eld promises, breaking formation at Levi’s right hand as his horse gallops to the right side of the diamond.
The decorated steed veers into the east, before a burst of life ignites the wires of Eld's ODM gear.
He latches onto the nearby tree trunks, zipping through the field to eliminate the problem.
“Show off,” Oluo huffs.
You continue riding along with the rest of the group, watching as the three-meter titan goes down without much of a fight. Eld uses the fallen body to latch into its skin, zipping back towards the group with ease.
Killing titans is easy.
Predicting where they might come from is where it gets tricky.
It’s like this for hours — spotting rogue titans, mostly under five meters, mindlessly wandering the fields of what used to be. The squad takes turns destroying the humanoid creatures, giving everyone ample opportunity to get their blades wet.
Everyone but you.
After yesterday’s fight, you’re too scared to ask Levi why — so you keep your mouth shut.
The tension is palpable despite your best efforts; Petra gives a look every few kilometers, curious as to why you have yet to speak up or participate in sporadic conversation. In your peripheral vision you see the way her round eyes scrutinize your face, nose scrunched in interest.
You only stare ahead at the tail of Levi’s horse.
“How much further until we set up camp, Captain?” Gunther calls from the back of the diamond.
“A few kilometers,” Levi supplies. “We’ll tend to the horses and set up a watch rotation for the night.”
“Calling dibs on second!” Oluo shouts to your left.
Petra’s head whips to the side, her arm raising to signal the rest of the group. “Another three-meter on my side! Want James to take it, Captain?”
She must see it. She must notice how you’re itching to get into the action, to prove your worth on the team.
You stare ahead, blinking up to the undercut disappearing and reappearing from the whip of raven-black hair.
Mentally, you try to form a psychic link.
Let me, you beg. Let me show everyone that I’m not a waste of space. Let me show you that I’m still me, whoever she is.
Levi takes a moment to think about it before speaking.
“Gunther, take it down.”
You deflate, your fists loosening on the reigns of your horse.
You could do it — break formation and ignite your ODM gear — but that runs the risk of slamming into Petra if she doesn’t duck.
The diamond has, quite literally, trapped you in.
Gunther doesn’t hesitate to act. With the sharp whiz of his ODM wires, the man abandons his horse at the back of the formation. His blades extend from their rectangular sheaths.
Within minutes, the titan goes down with a wail.
To not run into any abnormal titans so far is only a blessing — but the nearing forest, dense with tree trunks and overgrown bushels of leaves, is anything but.
You don’t need to remember how this goes to know the forest is a death trap.
Still, the tall trunks will provide ample vantage point for the nearing evening.
Levi holds a fist up at the mouth of the clearing, causing all horses to cease. Their puffs of exhaustion mix with the serene ambience of chirping birds and singing crickets.
It’s hard to forget how easily a titan can sneak in for a meal here.
“Set up a shelter and start a fire,” Levi orders, hopping off of his black stallion to turn towards the group. His eyes connect with every squad member — everyone but you. “We’ll stay here for the night and push on in the morning.”
“Captain,” you blurt, the intrusive thought hitting your tongue well before you can stop it.
Levi continues his air of boredom, but his eyes belatedly glance towards you. “What is it, Lieutenant?”
Your eyes connect.
Your stomach churns with transparent butterflies.
“Since everyone else spent the day taking down titans, I volunteer first watch,” you state.
“Denied,” Levi answers.
Your eyes widen a fraction of an inch. “What?”
“I always take the first watch.”
Like you’re supposed to know that already. Your body flushes with embarrassment.
“But I—”
“Actually, Captain, the time that’s spent with the rest of us resting could benefit James’ understanding of the mission,” Petra chirps as she dismounts her horse, rubbing at her stiff wrists. “I think James has been eager to help. And if she’s taking first watch with you, then we know she’s in good hands.”
You whip your attention towards her, shocked she spoke up at all.
The men grunt with approval of the redhead’s offer, stretching their limbs to relieve some of the long ride’s aches.
Captain Levi’s expression darkens, but he doesn’t say anything.
Petra doesn’t look your way, not when she’s already turned six shades paler with worry that she overstepped with Levi. Instead she pretends to look around at the nature surrounding the group.
She disappears into the middle of the group, decidedly fussing over the makeshift fire Oluo has started with dry twigs and other nearby supplies.
Had she meant to do that? Question Levi's comfort? It doesn’t seem like it.
Either way, you’re now trapped with two very real facts:
One, you’re taking the first watch of your first real expedition.
And two, you’re doing so with Levi, who cannot back out without arousing suspicion.
A wire whizzes above your head.
With that, Levi Ackerman disappears from view into the tall, tall trees.
You rearrange your cloak, mindful of how heavy the blade sheaths are at your hips, before igniting your ODM gear to follow. Wind whips against your face, cool and crisp.
From up here, you can see everything: the vast field leading back to Wall Rose, the dilapidated buildings of a civilization that once was, the life that found a way where titans cannot reach.
It would be peaceful if you were up here alone, but you’re not.
Levi is already crouched by the time you reach the highest branch. Beneath your feet is a massive expanse of flat wood, likely hundreds of years old.
The heels of your boot click when you float down onto its surface.
The captain says nothing.
For a few agonizing minutes, it stays that way. Birds chirp. Fireflies float. Cloaks billow.
This is going to be the longest watch of your life.
Sitting down on the flat trunk-like branch, you run your tongue against the seam of your lips.
You shouldn’t—
You can’t—
But you do.
“Y'know, we have to talk eventually.”
Your voice, echoing gently at this high altitude, surprises even yourself. A part of you wishes you could take it back, to keep your mouth shut, but another part?
Another part knows the entire expedition can’t last like this.
Captain Levi stands from his casual kneel. “No, we don’t.”
You sigh with exhaustion, but it isn’t from the grueling ride out to the forest. “I didn’t act out my memory maliciously, Levi.”
“At the moment, you will address me as Captain.”
Your eyes connect with the gray of his. His voice is hollow.
“Seriously?” you mumble.
His brow quirks. “Am I laughing?”
This? This is fucking ridiculous.
Rising to stand, you brush off rogue specs of leaf from your uniform. 
“Look, I don’t know what’s gotten you so freaked out, but I thought you would enjoy the surprise, Captain.” You dislike how angry you sound, but you are — angry. Mad, that he won’t speak to you clearly about the situation. “As far as I could tell, it was a happy memory for me.”
“A happy memory or not, it wasn’t appropriate,” Levi snaps. “Sneak-attacking what you remember and what you don’t doesn’t—”
“It wasn’t a sneak attack!” you protest in a yelp.
“It is.” He argues. “It was. Because I need to know how to act accordingly around you—”
“Captain—”
“—and being launched into what used to be doesn’t help.”
Into what used to be.
How to act accordingly around you.
A larger bird than the blue jays in the area coos overhead — possibly an owl, hooting as the night takes over the sky.
The tension can be cut with a knife as Levi stares at you, and you stare back. You try fitting the puzzle pieces together without saying a word.
Why does he have to act a certain way around you?
Does this have to do with what happened on the supply building roof at headquarters?
“Captain,” you slowly start, choosing to remain civil. Respectful. “I apologize — for catching you off guard, for not fully understanding the gravity of the situation. I recognize that you and I have history, whatever that might really be.”
There.
History — recognition flickers in his gaze.
Commander Erwin’s words come flooding back to the forefront of your memory:
I had anticipated this… situation to be a bit of a shock to him.
The spars. The special treatment. The way he sat with you on that roof.
You remember looking up at Commander Erwin with surprise when he asked if Levi had visited you during your recovery within Trost Headquarters; the way he appeared surprised when you told him that Levi never once showed; the moment he made you question everything.
We returned two weeks ago from the expedition. I assumed he would have at least attempted once.
You were surveying the cadet training, sir, you told him.
I was, Commander Erwin confirmed, but he wasn’t.
Then where the hell was Levi, if not with Erwin?
“You’re taking the second watch,” Levi decides with an abruptness that catches you completely off guard. “Ask Eld to cover you.”
His words are a cold splash of water to the face. “Wait, are you serious?” Levi is expressionless. “No. No, Captain, I am not leaving.”
There is a hint of anger in his clipped question.
“Are you disobeying direct orders?”
“That wasn’t a direct order, sir,” you reply. “You never ordered me. You only told me. There’s a distinct difference.”
His eyes narrow. “Don’t be a smartass.”
Except the murmur is a thinly-veiled threat and nothing more.
Somehow you’re confident enough about it that you take a few steps into the wide gap between you.
“You said you wouldn’t shut me out,” you urge softly, hoping to spark his own memory in your panic. “I made a mistake and I am sorry for it, but—”
“No, shithead, what I said is that you need to leave.”
You frown. “But why? Why can’t we talk?”
“Disobeying orders and questioning your superior. Are you trying to rack up all possible offenses in one night?”
“You are not my superior, Levi. Not technically. Captain, Lieutenant, it’s all arbitrary bullshit Erwin made up.” Your eyes squint to narrow slits as your frustration climbs. He doesn’t correct you when you sneer at his first name. “I am trying to understand why you became so freaked out over a silly move I pulled when we were teenagers—”
“Enough.”
“—and why saying some silly phrase like dirty trick is such a big deal to you so I don’t make the same mistake again in the future!” you continue. “Because if I missed something? Because if that moment of us in the Underground is linked to something bad that I’m not remembering, since it feels pretty good to me when I say it—”
“I said enough,” Levi barks.
Something ignites in you to step forward, teeth bared.
“Don’t talk down to me like a fucking cadet, Levi.”
A flinch of muscle is all you need to see to know that Levi is as surprised as you to hear the acidic swear on the tip of your tongue — both brows move north from their neutral position, and suddenly the air feels thick.
“Is that not what you are?” he challenges, low and dangerous as he mirrors your step forward. “Because last I checked, you were barely a Scout anymore. You were just some dumbass with a fucked up memory.”
The insult stings its intended target.
You wince, but hold your ground.
“Now you’re saying shit to hurt me because you’re scared.”
“I’m not.”
“Levi, you’re being mean,” you murmur. “You hate not having control. I get that. I hate not having control over my own head, but you don’t get to be an asshole so you can feel better about a fucked-up situation.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I do, and I’m tired of you pretending I don’t. Hiding away from me doesn’t protect me.”
You trudge closer towards your captain, but he bridges the gap for you: one step of his boot and he’s eye-to-eye with you, here, in the middle of this clearing.
The green flecks in the gray of his eyes bring some sickening softness to your belly, quelling a fraction of the fire within. It reminds you of summertime and darkness. A dichotomy of things you once loved — and things that once scared you.
Levi stares head on, seemingly disinterested in your psychological assessment.
Yet when your eyes drop to his arms, you see the most obvious tell of all: his fists are pale, fingers gripped in white-knuckled balls of restraint.
So you ask the first question that comes to mind, throwing caution to the wind:
“Are you afraid I’m gonna actually die this time?”
By the sound of his breath hitching in his throat, it’s safe to assume your question has caught Humanity’s Strongest off guard. 
Painfully earnest, your words are woven in a confusion threatening to choke the life out of you.
And Levi — Levi is four shades of enraged, glaring straight through you.
“I don’t give a shit if you live,” Levi corrects with a snarl.
“You don’t?”
“No.”
“Then allow me to keep the first watch,” you reason. “And second. And third, because if you don’t give a shit, then who cares, right? I'll be tired. Maybe a titan will take me out so you can stop having to deal with my insufferable ass.”
“No.”
Your chin tilts. “But you said you don’t—”
“Why do you want to die so fucking bad?” he shouts, his spit hitting your cheek. “Why bother coming back to me if all you wanted to do was throw away your second chance?”
He realizes a second too late what he’s said —
— what he’s done.
For a man who’s spent the better half of the hour telling you he isn’t scared, that he doesn’t care, Levi Ackerman looks absolutely terrified as he stands speechless in the aftermath of his own wrongdoing. 
For minutes neither of you move. Neither of you look away.
Something dark brews behind Levi’s stormy eyes as you watch with unshakeable shock.
What can you say to go back twenty seconds?
The damage has already been done.
You both know it.
Your stomach sinks in sickening foresight.
“Forget it,” he dismisses.
No.
“Levi.”
He’s turning.
“Levi.”
You don’t know why you reach out, but your hands claw at his sleeve to stop him. He continues to turn.
Desperation takes your hand from his shoulder to his face, and quickly your palm paws at his cheek to pull him back.
He presses hard against your palm, fighting its hold, but you manage to bring his face close to yours in a rushed exhale.
Levi breathes heavily through his nose, nostrils flared and eyes downcast.
"James." It's hardly a murmur.
“Don’t,” you beg under your breath. “Don’t shut me out.”
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
He remains locked in place, all his limbs taut. He doesn’t, however, fling you from his body.
You keep his face caged between your hands.
“You said you wouldn’t shut me out.”
“James—”
His voice is different. Huskier.
Is that a plea?
You shake your head wildly, overcome with fright.
“Don’t shut me out,” you croak once more. “Please don’t leave and shut me out.”
The angle of Levi’s face serpentines from where he was running to come back to you.
Your faces collide, nose to nose.
His hot breath spans across your face in shaken puffs.
"Don't leave and shut me out," you repeat, voice cracking.
His head shakes, causing his nose to nuzzle yours.
“Won’t—”
“Please don’t leave me,” you repeat on the verge of crying.
His voice drops to a whisper, a prayer.
“Never—”
“Don’t leav—”
Your lips close, pressed together by something soft and warm. The sound dies muffled.
As if held hostage by your own body, you tense when a pair of warm hands encircle your head, pulling you closer to a softness in contrast of your desperation.
You blink once and see it.
Levi’s eyes are screwed shut, brows painfully knit together, as his lips move against yours. A boot shuffles, angling the scent of his sweat to engulf you.
Instinctively your fingertips curl around his head, digging into his cheeks when you kiss back with profound starvation.
Spurred by your actions, a ragged exhale causes his lips press harder. The thumbs against your face run absently along your skin, as if to quell the anxiety plaguing your mind.
You pull him impossibly closer, matching the intensity of the kisses.
As if you're drowning.
As if it's been forever.
The tip of his tongue flicks against your lower lip. Wordlessly it requests consent, and your lips part eagerly to comply. He takes the opportunity and runs with it as his tongue seeks yours for salvation, gliding with practiced ease.
Inadvertently you whimper from the contact.
The sound is enough to yank him clear from your ironclad grip, dragging your nails across his face.
Gray eyes meet yours with a swirl of emotion — awe, uncertainty, dread — with lips pinker than before.
Your hands remain in the air from where you had him.
Red streaks line the sides of his face like hastily-drawn whiskers.
All you can do is stare.
Levi Ackerman has never looked so vulnerable.
“I order you,” he finally says, voice wrecked, “to tell Eld to accompany me for the first watch.”
You finally breathe, hands dropping unceremoniously to your sides.
"Yes, sir," you obey on autopilot.
He doesn’t need to say it twice.
You spin on a heel.
Your ODM gear ignites back to life.
.
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author note: ...remember when i said i had a scene written for forever? tehee.
tag list: @lazylizzy3 @notgoodforlife @sad-darksoul @dailydoseof-love @maliakealoha @nube55 @kateastrophies @blinkingsuns @gomigami
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levi-my-beloved · 2 years
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Chapter Four: The Ackerbond Loves
Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader
Warnings: SMUT, so. much. smut. like maybe the best i’ve ever written who knows, standard hj we love those here, Levi being a dumb hoe, reader being a dumb hoe, heavy themes of abuse, implied abuse victim, coping mechanisms, reader almost dying cuz Gunther’s ass is so thick (canon).
A/N: this is almost 20k words. i’ve decided against being apologetic because i think we all know what i'm like at this point. enjoy the good times now because it’s about to get a whole lot worse :)
GO SHOW @peace-for-levi ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD FOR LITERALLY BETA READING 19 THOUSAND WORDS OF INCOHERENT GARBAGE. fr i need to buy you a drink or sommin
AND NATURALLY, credit to @levmada for the conceptttt <3
Taglist: @levmada @awesomeness1679 @purplecandygerl @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @pluvio-pluto @midnightbarnes97 @aresclouds @imkumichan @xxpadfootxx @cmjh3 @justa19 @notgoodforlife @leviackermanmyhero245 @kaea-peverall @jakillski @macaronnv @natalie-skz @oldtownwonderland @snailsposts @lunardeiity @clusiesuzie @hi-imkaiya @isabellawigginss @ackermandick @orionsalos @disaster-writer @temariskadi @nariko1989 @elizaack @dixie-chick @death-by-bullseye
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The moment your squad approached the old Scout HQ after half a day’s ride, your heart instantly sank. Cobblestone bricks veined with deep green moss, dried dead vines hanging limply from every archway, windows filthy with years of grime, abandoned to run amok. 
You sighed heavily to the natural ambiance of Oluo once again biting down on his tongue, and Petra’s scolding tone. Though the late afternoon light cast a picturesque glow on the old castle, you really didn’t feel like suffering through an intense cleaning spree. Though, of course, it was inevitable. 
Hooves clacked against the change of terrain as you slowed to a gentle stop. It was peaceful here, away from the city and the bustling crowds of busy tradesmen. Only the distant sound of birds could be heard from the surrounding trees. It was pretty beautiful. 
“Nice place,” you murmured to Eld as you dismounted, running your stirrups up the leathers so they wouldn’t bumble against your horse’s flanks as she walked. “Shame about the weeds though.”
“And I bet the inside’s a shambles. This place hasn’t been used for years,” he responded, slapping two pats against the side of his horse’s neck. You placed a hand on your hip, opening your mouth to respond, before instantly closing it again upon Levi’s interruption.
“In which case we have a problem. Best grab a broom and get to work.”
You stifled your groan of agony. Seriously? Cleaning? After that ride? The sky was just fading into early evening and Levi wanted to clean? Inevitable, yes. Fair? Absolutely not.
You and Eld looked at each other briefly, before sighing as Petra took both your horses. You cursed her as she silently claimed grooming duty. Why couldn’t you have been that smart? She sent you a knowing smirk from over her shoulder, as if she knew what you were thinking.
You instantly flipped her off. 
“Eld! Wanna take the windows with me?” Once again, you were too slow to claim a good job as Gunther stepped up before you even had a chance to suggest something. The windows seemed so easy! All you had to do was wash off the grime! So you weren’t surprised when Eld agreed, not so much as sending you a glance before striding off to grab a bucket and cloth. Oluo had, of course, gone off to do his own thing, which left you with Levi. A strangely ideal situation, all things considered.
“I hate you for this,” you deadpanned, still looking up at the monstrous task facing you.
“No, you don’t.” Levi responded, coming to stand at your side and following your gaze up at the castle. You fought down the urge to take his hand. Now is not the time, nor the place to try and figure out what the hell you two were.
Levi was in no better position. Whatever happened yesterday was stuck in his head. Your lidded gaze, soft lips, gentle smile… it was all pinned to a wall for his mind’s eye to stare at longingly. Glancing at you, he saw your lips in a forceful pout, and knew you were trying to suppress a smile. He, too, almost took your hand, fingers outstretched to hook your fingers together.
“Uh, Captain Levi Sir?” 
He swore then and there that if he was ever interrupted with you again, he would slash the throat of whoever barged in. “What?”
Eren cleared his throat behind you, and you turned as well, taking slight pity on him. It couldn’t be easy, trying to slip seamlessly into such a tight knit squad. You’d all almost completely forgotten he was here, only Oluo running his mouth to the ‘Greenhorn’. Poor fucking kid. 
“Just start cleaning, Eren. This place is a shithole and we have standards. You can start on the top floor and work your way down. We’ll meet you somewhere in the middle,” you instructed, pointing to the large double doors in front of you. “Petra should be back soon, but it’s up to her whether or not she decides to join you.” You threw a sideways glance in the direction of the stables, knowing full well she would be taking her time. 
Not that you could blame her.
“Got it!” Eren saluted stiffly, before running off to find himself a broom and a cloth. Once again, his enthusiasm sent a shiver down your spine, being reminded of Oluo’s overly enthusiastic, kiss-ass attitude. You knew Eren was just eager to prove himself, but he could tone it down just a little.
“Someone’s eager to please.” Levi muttered to you, and you sighed in response. 
“Can’t blame him really. He’s been thrown into a situation where suddenly the fate of humanity rests on whether or not he can prove his worth. Not to mention his life. If he fails here, he’s dead. It’s no wonder he’s eager to please.” 
You hadn’t meant to ramble on. You knew Levi didn’t really mean anything by it, but you felt the need to justify Eren anyway. You sure as shit wouldn’t want to have been beaten to a bloody pulp, thrown in with the Special Operations Squad, scrutinised by both the Scouts and the Military Police, before being forced to sit through one of Oluo’s “you’re new here so let me mansplain everything to you.” Honestly, maybe death was more favourable.
Levi softened infinitely at your far-away expression, having another war with himself to not take your hand. “It’s a miracle how you made it this far with a heart that big.”
How the fuck he said that with the utmost nonchalance you will never know, because your mind completely shut down, barely managing a breathy, shaky laugh. Your heart beating with the thunder of a galloping horse, you turned to look at him, only to see him looking back at you slightly wide-eyed. Could he feel your sudden change in demeanour, or was he looking like that because he’d only just realised what he said. You hoped to the fucking Walls it was the second option.
Managing to recover somewhat, your lips reluctantly pulled into a small smile. “If you wanna talk about big hearts, let’s talk about Evelyn, hm?” 
It was Levi’s turn to blank. Hating his blood for dusting across his cheeks, burning in his ears. Fuck, he’d walked straight into that one. But, as you relaxed with your smile becoming a little more genuine, Levi silently agreed that it was worth it. “You’re right… She does have a big heart.” His chest bloomed with your faux irritation, with the way you forced your face to fall. But he could see you were struggling to keep your expression, and Levi barely managed to stifle a laugh when you chose to start walking away instead.
“I hate you and you know that’s not what I meant.” If only you could hear the smile in your voice. Levi vaguely wondered if you would fall for yourself the same way he’s fallen for you. He went to tell you that, once again, you most definitely do not hate him, before a bolt of agony lashed through his head and his eyes lost focus. 
On instinct he reached out for your arm and viciously tugged you back into him, and you didn’t have time to question what the fuck he thought he was doing before the deafening crash and slosh of a full, steel waterbucket cracked against the ground behind you.
You stayed there for a moment, face nestled in the soft cloth of his cravat, only barely processing what happened.
Levi kept his steady hold around you as his eyes refocused on the fallen, badly dented bucket, horrified by the idea that, had he not pulled you back, you would most likely be dead right now. The thought made him tighten his arms around you. 
“You alright?” His voice was the soft, steady anchor you needed to keep you grounded, deep vibrations soothing the heart that now raced for an entirely different reason. This was achingly similar to the first time he saved your life this way, seeing your fate and stepping in to change it. Achingly similar to the way he continued to hold you after, soothing your trembling muscles. Admittedly this wasn’t nearly as terrifying as being in the clutches of a titan, but you were still a little shaken.
“Yeah… yeah I’m fine,” you nodded, reluctantly stepping out of his arms and looking back to the turned over bucket, the cobbles now a darker shade of grey where the water had tipped out. “This bond coming in clutch once again, huh?” 
Levi saw through it. He always could. He saw through your flippant attempt at humour, knew it was just you trying to maintain your composure. But he was learning your tells. Learning how you kept a brave face so seemingly easily. Staring at whatever nearly happened was one of them. He didn’t think when he gently pulled your chin back to look at him, quickly scanning your face, tighter than usual with anxiety. He took a deep breath, wordlessly forcing you to do the same. The faintly echoing heartbeat in his chest calmed.
“You’re okay.” He tucked a slightly loose strand of your hair back into place, and watched with proud satisfaction as you untensed. Deciding to push his luck slightly, he grazed the pad of his thumb over your cheekbone, heart glowing as you leaned into the touch ever so slightly. His skin prickled, and he couldn’t tell whether it originated from you, or whether that was just the effect touching you had on him. Whatever it was, you felt it as well, obvious by your slight shiver. 
Levi dropped his hand as panicked footsteps raced down the wooden staircase, both turning to greet a panting, sweating Eld, looking wide-eyed and terrified between you two through the open doorway.
“Fucking– is everyone okay?” He asked through laboured breaths. You smiled through a soft chuckle, trying to reassure the clearly stressed blonde as he fiddled with the hem of his jacket. 
“Yeah, we’re–”
“You almost fucking killed her.” You’d never heard Levi speak to his own squad with such venom in his tone. If they’d done something stupid like almost died, he would just tell them flatly to not do it again. He’d never really had a go at any of them, not in the same way you’d seen him have a go at Hange. But this… this was more similar to the time Oluo almost died in one of her titan crazed moments, when he’d held them by the collar and borderline spat in their face. You moved forward to mask the way you quickly held and squeezed his arm. A subtle, but meaningful gesture. 
Eld looked like he was about to faint. “I’m so sorry! Gunther and his fat ass. Idiot knocked it back off the roof squatting to fix his gear. Fuck, we didn’t think anyone would be–”
“–Eld, I’m fine. I promise. Look” – you held your hands up in front of you, turning a full circle so he could see – “no damage. I’m absolutely fine.” You implored until you heard him breathe out a sigh of relief, thankful both that you were okay, and his balls wouldn’t be roasted over an open fire.
“Tell Gunther to watch where he’s shitting next time.” You turned back to Levi, who had seemed to have calmed down significantly. Though there was still a slight bite in his voice, he wasn’t nearly as blindingly furious as he was a few seconds ago. Was that because of you? Or because it was a genuine accident? It was difficult to tell. 
Eld nodded all too eagerly, wiping a bead of sweat from his brow with the heel of his palm. Oh you were totally teasing him about this later. That was until he looked between you and Levi again, his expression completely different from before. He looked… knowing. Almost proud. You narrowed your eyes at him in threatening confusion, and he simply shook his head with a smile, and turned away back up the stairs. 
“You two are so fucking weird together,” Levi commented, stepping up to stand next to you again. You gaped at him with incredulity.
“Shut up!” 
“Didn’t you like him at one point?” He smirked at you out of the corner of his eye, and you groaned.
“Was I really that obvious?”
“About as obvious as Hange’s love for titans.”
You groan again, slightly louder. Levi tried his fucking best not to imagine the sound in… other situations. “Clearly not obvious enough, the bastard never even realised until after I’d moved on!” you lamented, gathering a few cloths from the table inside the front hall and removing his jacket from your shoulders before hanging it on the back of a chair. 
He folded his arms, surveying you with a raised brow. “How do you know?”
“We spoke about it yesterday when walking to the market. We were just talking about– stuff” – that was a little too close – “and it sort of just came up in conversation. Turns out we’re both just morons.”
“That’s for sure.” 
“...Levi, that was your opportunity to disagree.”
“Why would I disagree with facts?”
He barely dodged the cloth you threw at him, once again your irritated façade cracking easily. “Go get your special cleaning doily and join me upstairs. I cannot stand to see your face right now.” An obvious lie.
“It’s not a doily, doilies are made of lace.”
“And you would know that how?” You asked, drawling. Levi pulled a lopsided smile at you, answering with a single word that had you cackling with laughter when he left to grab his kit.
“Evelyn.”
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It was late evening by the time Levi deemed the castle spotless enough to hole up in for a few weeks. Everybody was drained by the time the squad had gathered in a small dining room in what you assumed would have been the servant’s wing. Tea in hand, you engaged in idle chatter with the rest of your squad, waiting for the arrival of Levi and Eren. 
“So wait, you think Nifa and Moblit have something going on?” Petra asked to a smug looking Gunther across the table, who nodded in confirmation. “You were there at the last strip poker game, right? He could barely tear his eyes off Hange and they barely took anything off!” She argued with a vigour that made you laugh. Her hazel eyes turned to you, wide eyed in desperate need of support. “You’ve heard the way she talks about–”
“Petra!” You had to stop her before she revealed one of Nifa’s deepest secrets. Eld and Oluo seemed to perk up instantly.
“Oh, you can’t do that to us!”
“Come on, no secrets in the squad, remember?” 
Eld looked to you at that comment, raising a pointed brow. You sent him another confused look, but he simply looked away and back to the conversation at hand. You were confident nobody was around to see what happened earlier, so what the hell he could be referring to other than that, you had no idea. 
“That’s not fair, because this isn’t my secret. It’s Nifa’s, so butt out of it, all of you,” Petra held firm, folding her arms against the disappointed looks and huffs from the men. 
You hummed a soft laugh, your heart glowing with fondness for this group of people. And of course, the one missing. 
It’s as if he were summoned by your fleeting thought about him, both Levi and the newest addition to your squad came through the door from the left, Eren looking a little despondent. You assumed he just found out where he’d be sleeping… Poor kid.
“They here yet?” You shook your head as Levi took a seat at the head of the table to your right. Though nobody ever expected Hange to be on time. It was somewhat of a habit that they were always late to meetings, missions, even the start of their own expeditions, usually caught up in some research or experiment and didn’t notice the rest of the regiment going grey when waiting for them. “Might as well do introductions whilst we wait then. Eren, this is the Special Operations squad,” Levi continued, and you noticed the rest of your comrades straightening in their seats when being introduced. For ease, he introduced you first. “My Second, but you already knew that.”
“Wait, you’ve met already?” Gunther piped up from the other side of the table. “How’s that fair?”
“I was at the trial.” You explained swiftly, earning yourself a look of sudden understanding from the rest of your inquiring squad. Though Oluo audibly huffed from his seat, clearly perturbed that he wasn’t the one invited. Levi went on to introduce everyone else, who in turn greeted Eren in their own ways. Petra with a bright smile, Eld with a friendly wave, Gunther with a lopsided grin and of course Oluo with some kind of backwards insult. Naturally.
“These are the people who won’t hesitate to put you down if you go ape shit out there. I hand picked them all for a reason. Don’t fuck up, and we won’t have a problem. Do fuck up, and they have strict permission to act accordingly. Personally, I wouldn’t want to find myself at the end of any of their blades.” High praise coming from Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. A flare of pride flashed in your chest, despite already knowing he recognised everybody’s potential years ago. That’s why you were all here. Because you were deemed strong enough by the strongest soldier alive. You glanced around the table to see your comrades looking in similar ways to you. Gritty determination shining in the low light.
“I… I understand, Sir. It’s nice to meet you all.” You had to admire the kid. Even in the face of his potential killers, he managed to keep some semblance of collectiveness. From what you’d heard, Eren could be quite hotheaded. Not unlike yourself at times. There were certain things in yourself you hoped to see in this kid, and certain things you hoped to fuck stayed away. 
Before the silence prolonged any further, a loud pair of footsteps echoed down from the door on the left. The barred door on the left. You almost slapped your forehead before the inevitable impact even happened. 
Petra sighed, rising from her seat to remove the wooden bolt from the door, and allowing an excited looking Hange, rubbing the side of their head. You almost couldn't believe it, having not expected them to arrive until much later. You smiled in lighthearted surprise. 
“Gooooood evening, Levi squad! How’s castle life treating ya?” Hange’s ability to lighten up a room was always something you admired. You remembered Levi asking why you liked hanging out with them so much. Honestly, this was why. Their boundless energy rubbed off on those around them, though of course he seemed to be immune. But you enjoyed watching the antics, and smiling at Moblit’s frazzled looks. It was a nice return to some kind of normality after an expedition. 
Your eyes slid to Eld opposite you, whose smile mirrored your own. He too found Hange amusing to watch, the scientist often being a popular topic of conversation between the two of you. Your hands steepled in front of your mouth, hiding your subtle laugh.
“You’re early.” Levi responded, taking a long sip of the tea that was waiting for him when he joined you all. Judging from the above par taste, you’d made it. You were getting better at that. He tried to stop his heart blossoming at the thought. 
“Am I? Well I suppose I couldn’t wait. Hi, Eren! I hope this lot have been treating you well.” You watched Hange jovially drag a chair over to where the teen was sitting next to Oluo. You snorted quietly at the unsure look on Eren’s face. “Excited to start experimenting?! Levi! What’s Eren doing tomorrow?” 
“Cleaning out the weeds.” You glanced at his impassive expression of boredom. You didn’t envy whoever would be taking over that role as gardener, but if it was you, you would genuinely walk back to Trost.
“Excellent! We’ll start tomorrow then!” You all collectively groaned at the idea, hoping to have at least a day of rest before Hange started their rampage. You all just hoped he didn’t ask–
“Uh, what experiments will we be doing?”
The entire room stopped, staring wide-eyed at the poor kid, who had no idea what he’d just done. Though you couldn’t see, you could fucking hear Hange’s eyes light up at the idea of explaining her theories to this naïve teen. 
“I knew it. You possess a singularly curious mind…” 
Nope. Absolutely not. 
Simultaneously, your entire squad stood from their seats, including Levi. Eren had made his bed by asking Hange a question, something one should never do, and now he must lie in it. Alone. Every single one of you left without a word, quietly closing the door behind you. 
“That poor, poor kid,” Eld muttered to you as you climbed the stairs. You hummed in agreement.
“I wonder how long they’ll keep him there… I hope it’s not another one of those overnight things. Nobody deserves that, not even Nile.” You responded, taking his teacup from his hands. He let you without a word. 
“Didn’t they say they’d start experimenting tomorrow? How does Hange expect him to do anything if he’s already exhausted?” Petra asked. 
She allows  you to take her own cup as well. It was sort of an unspoken rule. You hated the idea of dirty dishes festering overnight, even something as simple as tea cups. But the rest of your squad didn’t share in this hatred, only Levi seemed to understand where you were coming from. So it was sort of expected that since it was your issue, you would be the one to fix it. Not that you were mad. You actually kind of liked it that way.
Gunther stacked his own onto Petra’s, Oluo handing you his after. You weren’t really surprised when Levi broke off from the group, though he was still holding his own. That did take you by surprise, but you knew better than to question. 
“Doesn’t concern us anyhow. Go get some rest, all of you. If we start tomorrow, I have a feeling we’ll all need it.” You instructed with a heavy sigh, gaining nods of agreement from your comrades, and several bids of goodnight. Eld lingered for a moment, and you instantly knew he had something to say, but was hesitating. “Go on, spit it out before it dies.”
Eld cleared his throat. “I see things are going well between you two.”
You blanched. How the fuck could he possibly– “What are you talking about?” Oh, that was way too shaky to not be seen as suspicious. Eld’s grin only widened further, and you felt heat gather at your cheeks.
“I’m happy for you. I really really am,” – he placed a hand on your shoulder – “you deserve it.” You covered his hand with your own, your expression relaxing instantly. He could always sap the tension from your shoulders like that. You honestly weren’t convinced he wasn’t some kind of wizard.
“Thanks, Eld. Not just for that but, for being pretty fucking great generally.” You gave his hand a squeeze, almost surprised to see a genuine shine of gratitude in his eye. Before he dramatically gasped and placed a hand on his chest.
“A compliment?! From you?! Hold on, I need to check the skies for pigs! Is it my birthday? Oh oh oh! I’ve got it! You’ve just found out you have an incurable disease and you want to show your appreciation before you die!” You shoved him off, laughing brazenly at his all too familiar antics.
“Eat shit and die.” 
“Great rules to live by. Eat, shit, and die.” You were so tempted to throw something at him.
“Go to bed before I fucking drag you.”
“And here I was thinking you only had eyes for the captain. Naughty.” 
“Go!” You went to give him a halfhearted kick, one that was easily dodged by a quick step backwards.
“Okay, okay, I’m going! No need to get violent.” He held his hands up in defeat, finally turning to leave you with the washing up. “Hey,” you looked back over your shoulder to see him still lingering by the door. “You’re pretty great too.”
He left you smiling before you could answer, and you found to your overwhelming delight, not a single romantic feeling towards him. There really was nothing like the feeling of moving on, and discovering you wouldn’t be in that kind of pain anymore. It was liberating. 
Teacup in hand, Levi passed Eld on his way down the hall, who smiled widely at him and gave him a nod in acknowledgement. One of the weirder exchanges he’s ever had with the blonde, but weird exchanges with both Eld and Gunther were to be expected. It’s just who they were. 
Levi had been stuck thinking about you all day since that morning. What would have happened had he not been interrupted. Would he have kissed you? He doubted it. He wanted to make that something a little more– ‘special’ didn’t sound like the right word, but he couldn’t think of a better one. Would he have just stared at you for hours? That went really well the last time, a fantastic way to make you feel uncomfortable. Maybe he would have just held you for a bit longer, reassured you a bit more. Although he thought that all the time. He constantly wanted to hold you more. That wasn’t anything different.
His boots echoed down the stairs as he approached the kitchen doorway, hearing who he assumed was you shuffling around, before the pitched shattering of ceramic ceased all movement.
“No, no no nononononono–” That was your voice. Panic gripped him as he sped down the last few steps to see you on your hands and knees, frantically scrambling for broken fragments of white porcelain. It wasn’t difficult to piece together what had happened, but Levi was more worried about the state of your hands and fingers than the broken teacup. More worried about your almost hysterical state. 
“What–” You cut him off with a fearful yelp, almost falling backwards having not heard him come in. He’d never seen you like this. Your eyes wide and wild, reddened by the streaming tears down your cheeks. Blood pooling from both your hands and knees from where you’d knelt in the shrapnel and tried desperately to pick up the pieces. You looked… you looked terrified. 
“I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to– it j-just s-slipped from m-my hands… I’m sorry, I-I’ll clean it up, j-just give me two m-minutes and it’ll b-be gone I-I’ll buy a re-replacement, I’m s-so sorry.” 
Levi was stunned into silence, utterly baffled by your sudden one hundred and eighty degree shift in personality. He struggled to comprehend that this was the same woman from earlier today, laughing and quipping alongside him. His fingers tingled with each small cut you managed to give yourself, knees stinging as you kept crawling on the sharp edges. That echo in his chest raced to the point of pain, his sternum twisting and hammering in panic. 
It took him far too long to gather himself again, your hands coated in a thin sheen of crimson. 
“Stop!”
Upon seeing you freeze up, Levi instantly regretted raising his voice even a fraction. You didn’t move, not even from where you were reaching to grab another shard of blood-stained white, hands trembling like a leaf in the wind. He could hear your slightly wheezed breaths, too fast to placate him. 
Kneeling before you, Levi took your shaking hands into his own, tilting them towards the light to see the extent of the damage you’d done to yourself. His own breath hitched slightly. How had he not noticed these last time? Your hands were covered in hundreds of paper thin scars, none of them longer than a centimetre. His mind raced, endless possibilities crowding his head, and pushing them all back felt like fighting a hurricane with a spatula. But Levi was nothing if not odds-defying. Taking his cravat from around his neck, he first wiped his own hands, before setting to work on gently clearing the scarlet from yours. He was used to getting blood out of it anyway, it wouldn’t be a problem. But seeing you like this…? That was where the problem lay. Your tears continued to stain the floorboards, and you continued to convulse slightly with each silent sob. 
He wanted to talk to you. To hold you. To gently stroke your arm until you calmed down, but he had a nightmarish feeling that if he did anything other than what he was doing now, you’d break apart again. So he just kept cleaning, wiping away any fresh blood that oozed from your cuts. He needed to properly clean them, like he did after that game of poker. But that meant trying to get you to move, and with the way you were still trembling… he didn’t expect that to happen anytime soon. It was a shock to see you like this; cowering away from every too-sudden movement, flinching everytime his hands so much as inched towards your wrists. It was worse when he went to try sooth your hair, your muscles locking up in anticipation, tucking your chin to your shoulder and screwing your eyes shut. You were bracing for something, he grew to learn, and his heart splintered along with the realisation. This had been done to you. This had happened before, but the resulting response from whoever you were with hadn’t been nearly as gentle. 
Levi slowly lowered his hands back down to yours. The bleeding stifled now, but he still needed to check your knees and properly clean your hands. You’d stopped crying as well, only now it was so much worse. You just… stared. Vacantly. Like a hole had hollowed out behind your eyes and you were just… empty. He felt nothing, no bond, no connection, no echo. It was like you weren’t even there anymore, like you’d mentally checked out. With endless trepidation, Levi tilted your head up to look at him. This time you didn’t resist; you didn’t react. You just kept staring, eyes slowly focusing on his face. You made no movement when his hand cupped your cheek, like you couldn’t even feel it, and he sorely missed earlier today, when you lent into him even fractionally.
Keeping his voice low and soft, he kept a good read on your expression for any sign of life. “I need to move you to the faucet, can I do that?” No response sans a slow blink, and Levi was at a complete loss. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know if moving you would terrify you again. Fuck, he hated this. Hated seeing you so vacant. So used to seeing your eyes glimmer, seeing them so faded fucking hurt. Not to mention how hollow he felt. Having grown to enjoy your weird presence in his head and chest, your absence left him feeling alone. A feeling he was disgustingly familiar with. “Please, come back. I need you here… I don’t know where you’ve gone, but I can’t reach you there. Come back to me, please.” He begged, both hands now cupping your face. He didn’t know what he was doing, letting his instincts guide him as he blindly reached into whatever connected him to you. 
Levi felt like he was flailing in the dark, treading water in some pitch-black ocean with no direction. He thrashed, recklessly searching for something, anything that suggested you were still there. He kicked against the dragging sensation in his head, desperate to stay above the inky black water. Whatever had a hold on him, only tugged him down harder.
“Find her.” It said, “Before she is lost. Find her. Or she will remain alone.”
He forced his limbs to still, and the forceful dragging became a slow descent. Praying for any kind of sign you were still there. The silence was consuming, filling his airways in choking quiet. He had to hold out. Just a few more moments. Another second. Please–
A flicker of life. He felt it. It was here. A faint, dying ember, but it was there. Levi reached out, feeling your heartbeat in his hands, before enclosing it in his palms, and pulling.
Hard.
Levi came back to his body moments before you fell forwards into him, just enough time to catch you. For a harrowing second, he thought you were dead, before the steady echoing of your heartbeat re-entered his chest. He checked your pulse, just to be sure, before finally relaxing when he felt the steady thumping against his fingertips. Your steady breaths indicated you had just fallen into a state of sleep, rather than unconscious. So he gently manoeuvred you into his lap, wrapping his arms around your waist and shoulders and tucking you safely into the crook of his neck, nestling his nose into your hair. 
What the fuck just happened? Was that all real, or did he imagine it? There was definitely some thread between you, he could pull on it if he wanted, gently tighten and slacken the bond, but did the rest of it happen? What happened to you? What had happened to you? Levi had so many damn questions and so few damn answers. Not that he would ever bring this up again, not unless you did. He had other methods to attend to anyway, primarily cleaning the cuts on your hands and knees. 
But he wanted to hold you. Just for a bit longer. For a few more minutes. Or forever. He honestly didn’t mind which. 
Unfortunately the press of your wounds weighed on his mind, and he reluctantly loosened his grip on you enough to scoop you into his arms, making sure your head was still tucked safely into his neck. Why the hell you smelt so fucking good, he refused to unpack before you were somewhere safe and comfortable, but he swore you smelt like freshly cut grass and peonies. Two of his favourite fucking scents.
Levi kept an ear out for any wandering footsteps down the hall as he carried you up to your room. Eren was most likely still stuck downstairs with Hange, listening to them babble on about titan anatomy basics. They always started with the basics. Looking down at you, he couldn’t help his lips pulling up into a tender smile. You looked surprisingly peaceful considering what just happened. Your face finally relaxing, those worry lines becoming much less pronounced. He didn’t realise how stressed you were all the time until now. Until he could see you without a care in the world. 
He’d been so lost in your face he hadn’t noticed Eld standing dead centre of the hallway, toothbrush hanging from his mouth, eyes wide in utter stunned bafflement. Levi cursed quietly.
“I– uhhhhhhh, Captain…? Is she– I have no idea how to respond to this. Is she alright?” Levi understood now why you liked him back in the day. The genuine concern on his face was admirable. Levi had never lied to his squad, and he wasn’t about to start now.
“Honestly? I don’t know. I think she’s alright now. She… collapsed in the kitchen.” Levi was genuinely proud to have somebody as caring as Eld on his squad, his brows pinched with worry as he quickly scanned you, pulling his toothbrush from his mouth the moment he saw your crimson stained hands and knees. 
“Wait, what h–”
“Eld, you wouldn’t happen to know whether she has a history of abuse, would you?” Eld pulled back, his concern shifting to full-blown alarm. The soft, worried creasing in his face became a harsher, more determined expression of protection. 
“Abuse? No… not that I know of. She briefly mentioned having two exes, but mentioned nothing about either of them being abusive.” 
“Her family?”
“She never mentioned them either. I actually assume they’re dead, to be honest. Whenever family’s brought up, she stays silent. The same with love lives.” Eld folded his arms, leaning against the wall thoughtfully. “I’ve seen her flinch though. When anyone would get too… exuberant. Mostly when she was near Hange and they got excited by something. I’ve seen her flinch at flailing hands, but I honestly thought it was because she was always ready to jump into action… I never even considered… Fuck.” Levi swore he watched the man go through the five stages of grief in the matter of a minute, sliding a hand down the side of his face. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice. Or even think. She didn’t even come talk to me. I would have–”
“Eld.” The blonde stopped, managing to meet Levi’s gaze. “You’ve been more than a good friend to her. She’s just… good at hiding. It might be nothing, but we can’t rule out any possibilities just yet.” He hated that he sounded like they were discussing some kind of mission plan, but he had to keep up professionalism around his squad. Whether they were already aware or not. “Get to bed, Hange starts tomorrow.” He instructed, continuing to carry you to bed. 
“Captain!” Levi stopped, turning his head back. “This might be out of order for me to ask, but…” Eld bucked up the courage to once again raise his head and look his captain in the eye, “Look after her.”
There was so much behind those words, Levi didn’t even want to think about the weight of them. Not yet. “...I plan to.” 
Clearly satisfied with this answer, Levi heard the door to Eld’s room close. He didn’t give himself credit for many things, but judging people’s character was one thing he was extremely good at. He was proud of his squad. Extremely proud of them. There were many in the Scouts who very much only cared for themselves, but every single member of his squad had a character to match their skill. It gave him hope to see how deeply the relationships between you all ran, and he knew you would have each other’s backs in a pinch. It was reassuring. 
Levi was brought back to reality by you shifting ever so slightly in his arms. Not much, but enough for him to know he needed to get you to bed and wash your cuts as soon as he could, though his heart almost burst with the realisation you were shifting into him, your cheek pressing against his shoulder. 
He was getting really tired of fighting the urge to kiss you. 
Using his shoulder to get the door to your chosen room open, the moon was just enough lighting to get across the floor without walking or bumping into something. A clear cross section of the window silhouetted against the wood guided him to your bedside. 
Setting you down on the plush new covers, he took a moment to sit next to you on the bed and just… look at you. To take a second to memorise your peace-stricken expression. He’d already committed to memory the peaks and valleys of your features, but like this? It was a sight he wanted to get used to so dangerously badly. Tucking a loose strand of hair off your face, he couldn’t stop his hands from softly stroking your cheek, smoothing over your eyebrow. You looked so gentle like this. So tender. 
So terrifyingly fragile. 
He hated to leave you, only for a few moments whilst he fetched a water basin and a clean cloth. He wouldn’t use the already bloodsoaked cravat, he’ll just wash that later. Though an awful thought finally crossed through his mind.
He couldn’t get to your knees like this. He couldn’t roll them up that far. Uniform pants were designed to be form fitting… but the only other option–
Wasn’t really an option really. He might just have to leave your knees for you to discover in the morning. As much as he cared about your health, he also cared about your dignity and comfort. He was not about to undress you when you weren’t even awake. The thought disgusted him.
So with a heavy sigh, he stood, and sending you one last glance, left to fetch himself what he needed.
…Why. The fuck. Did your hands hurt so damn much? You slowly, groggily stirred awake, scrunching your hands into fists and wincing when you found them stinging and crusty. Your memory was about as hazy as a thick fog, unable to decipher what really happened and what was a dream, and opening your eyes didn’t help anything. You were in your room. Or at least you assumed it was your room. How the fuck did you get here? Nothing made sense. One moment you were in the kitchen, and now–
You froze as you looked down at your hands, though the lighting was low, you could see the smudges of blood and the dark red slices across both of them. It looked… familiar. Uneasily familiar. You’d seen yourself like this before, you swore you had. Peering down at your hands, counting the cuts on each finger, tracing the divots in your palms. 
Why? Why did you recognise this exact scenario? And why did it hurt so much to think about? Before you could contemplate any further, your door opened seemingly unprompted.
Until another, more comforting familiarity put you at ease. Though his appearance was unexpected.
He clearly hadn’t expected to see you either, pausing briefly after shutting the door. You only had a brief few second window to try work out what he was holding, but it looked like a steel basin of water, a tub of salve and a few cloths. Though your brain was still waking up, it didn’t take Hange to work out what was happening. Barring your thankful smile was impossible, though you found you had no will to do so. 
“I wasn’t expecting you to be awake,” Levi murmured, grateful for the low lighting so you couldn’t see the soft blush across his cheeks. Half of him hoped you wouldn’t wake up until tomorrow… half of him. 
You shrugged, still a little bashful that he was currently standing by your closed door whilst you were sitting up in bed. “I wasn’t expecting you to come in.” Though you were smiling, you saw that he wasn’t, and a heavy globule of dread pooled in your gut. What the hell had happened…? “I don’t really–”
“Do you remember–”
You spoke at the same time, instantly cutting off upon hearing the other’s voice. But there was no awkward silence. No charged quiet as he crossed over to you, setting the water on the bedside table and taking up his previous seat by your side. Though this time you were awake.
No further words were exchanged as Levi took you hands back in his, his intentions made even clearer when dipping a clean cloth in the water and gently soothing your lacerations, the dried blood coming away like wet paint. He felt your eyes on him as he worked, using every fibre of his self control to concentrate and not acknowledge your gaze. Because if he had to fight kissing you one more time, he would lose. 
“What do you remember?” Talking was a welcome distraction from the way his lips pursed in delicate concentration. Though you observed the way they danced around each word, and it almost killed you, only surviving by tearing your eyes away to look elsewhere. 
“Not a lot.” You whispered, and Levi had to pretend it didn’t cause a shiver down his spine. He hoped to fuck you couldn’t feel that. “I remember cleaning up, and I remember being in the kitchen. I think I dropped something, but that’s it. Then I’m here.” You explained, wincing slightly as he swiped across your teared skin. 
Levi fell into a thoughtful silence. Should he ask you? Should he bring up his conversation with Eld? He guessed that if you wanted to talk about it, you would have done so. Either with him or the squad. But the thought of leaving the topic undiscussed didn’t really sit very well with him. He wanted to talk to you. Fuck, he wanted to talk about everything with you, not just this. He wanted to know everything about you. 
But before he’d made up his mind, you decided for him. “So, will you finally tell me how you know Evelyn, or is that some deep dark scandalous secret nobody is allowed to– Ow! The fuck, Levi?!” You snatched your hand away, facing him with betrayal as he flattened you with a stare. You frowned a pout. “No need to be so rough, especially when you can feel it too.”
“I’m clearly not as sensitive. And I told you how I met Evelyn, she owns the tea stall, how else would I– Would you please give me your hands?” He sighed, exasperated when you tucked them behind you, though it was a trial not to laugh at how petty you looked. “I’m not in the mood to play games with you right now.”
“That suggests you’re sometimes in the mood to play games with me. Where am I when these moods hit?” 
“Shovelling shit from the stables.”
“Ever the comedian.” You snorted, before raising a brow at his outstretched hand, patiently waiting for you to give in. He should know you’re more stubborn than that, though he continued to look at you expectantly.
“You waitin’ for a formal invitation?”
“I’m waiting to see how long it will take you to realise I'm not that easy.” You smirked smugly, assuming you’d won this little game of yours.
Until Levi rose from his chair, muttering something about you being a fucking brat, placed a knee on the side of your bed, and swung his other leg over to straddle your lap. Your breath froze, heart beating out of your chest as you stared wide-eyed in utter shock at your captain currently sitting in your lap. 
Levi chose to ignore the fact that he could literally feel himself shaking with adrenaline, and instead calmly took your arms from behind your back and held them in one of his hands, reaching for the washcloth with the other. He chose to ignore what he’d come to know as the faint echo of your own heartbeat thundering beside his own, instead choosing to focus on his original task of cleaning your wounds. He chose to ignore the mirroring heat rising to his own face, reaching back towards your nightstand to snatch the tub of salve.
Chose to ignore the small spark igniting in his crotch.
You’d managed to recover from the initial shock, now doing everything in your power to avoid looking at him. If the tables had been turned, you couldn’t say you would have done any differently, it was just unfair that it was him doing this to you. This was him flustering you. You liked it when it was the other way around. All sorts of filthy scenarios flitted about your head, all stemming from this specific position, and it took all of your willpower not to indulge in a little dream of having him like this, in your lap, whilst you worked him up and over. 
Levi clenched his jaw. In hindsight, this wasn’t a very clever idea. He hadn’t really been thinking about the consequences when he wanted more than anything to prove you wrong, and demonstrate just how easy you were. Or rather, how easy he made you. But the way your hips shifted below him, the way you subconsciously brought your knees up behind him… Fuck this was a mistake. He couldn’t get hard right now for fuck’s sake. He didn’t even want to imagine that scenario, when you realised he was fucking aroused and his rock hard cock tented in his pants borderline in your face. 
He had to move. He had to get off you, before his erection grew any more. Before he made an absolute embarrassment of himself. He just prayed to the fucking walls that phantom pleasure didn’t start again. It did have a habit of rising at the worst of times.
Placing the tub of salve back onto the nightstand, Levi shifted his weight to move off you. But you had other plans. With your hands now slightly slick with balm, you easily slipped them from his grip, taking his own wrists and boldly throwing them above your head. 
A gasp flew from his mouth as he fell forward, coming face to face with your now wickedly smirking visage, hot breath tickling his face. 
“Still think I’m easy?” You murmured, eyes flickering between his own and his lips. Despite wanting nothing but to lock them with your own for the last however many years you’d been secretly pining over him, you wouldn’t kiss him. Not today. A dominating part of you wanted the satisfaction of leaving him hanging after behaving the way he just did. 
Levi was at an utter loss, and he suddenly felt a little guilty for putting you through this exact same situation not moments ago. He felt like a deer in searchlight, completely frozen in place, his heart matching that same hammering beat your own reached when he’d started this whole thing. This was the side to you that sent his stomach somersaulting. The same side that saw you smile so savagely at Hange, the same side that sent heated glares to those who pissed you off. The same side that made him absolutely weak at the knees. 
The same side that did nothing helpful for his arousal situation. Especially not when you leaned up as far as your flexibility would allow, your breasts pressing into his chest. He thought for a terrifying moment you were about to bite against his ear, and if you did that, this night would end with him cumming in his pants on top of you. 
He was eternally grateful when you didn’t do that. 
“Go to bed, Captain.” That wasn’t much fucking better. Levi shivered incredibly noticeably at your breath dampening his helix, sending a pulse of electricity through his nerves. 
You relished in the now deep flush across his cheeks as you fell back onto the pillow, releasing his wrists from your hold. The corner of your lips quirked up in another smirk as you saw his internal debate, still frozen in complete shock. So you decided to be nice and help him on his way. “Sleep well.”
Fuck you. Fuck. You. Both literally and in the insulting sense. Levi barely gathered himself enough to clamber off you and leave without another word. Forgetting everything he’d brought to your room in favour of getting back to his own as fast as possible. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. FUCK. He could almost hear your wicked cackle in his head as he walked at the speed of light back to his quarters. Fuck you and you stupid fucking smirk and your stupid fucking hips and your stupid fucking mouth. 
He couldn’t think past his throbbing cock once again. And once again it was all because of you. He almost didn’t want to sort it out of some kind of twisted spite. He didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you fucked with his head – and cock – that badly. Not that you would know. You definitely had some idea, sure, but not the extent to which you messed with him. 
His resolve to stay strong and keep his hands from his dick crumbled the moment he crawled into bed after awkwardly pulling a pair of loose pants over his throbbing length. This was so stupid. So fucking stupid. How could you be in his head like this? Causing him to toss and turn, unable to get comfortable with a raging fucking hard-on. This was way too similar to the first time this happened, only, despite however long he waited, that ghostly pleasure didn’t start. 
Fine. Fucking– Fine! He’ll just get this over with quickly. The shower was too far away anyway. Reluctantly, Levi pushed down the hem of his pants, kicking them off his legs. It would be easier if he wasn’t wearing anything… right? He honestly had no idea. Would being on his back be better? It felt a little too exposed, so he turned onto his side. How did people do this regularly? He felt like he had a fucking mental checklist of things that needed to be right before he even thought about fisting his cock. 
Taking a heavy breath, Levi ghosted his hand down his front, skin prickling at his own featherlight touch before stopping just short of his arousal, suddenly feeling nervous. What if he did it wrong…? What if it didn’t feel good? Would he be disappointed? What if–
He used his questioning mind as a distraction, before wrapping his hand around his length. All rhetorics ceased with the warm honey seeping into his veins. Well, that’s one question answered. It felt good. Fuck, it felt really good. Levi really wanted to stay quiet during this, fearing that hearing himself would turn him off, but the way his breathing stuttered with each gentle, languid stroke was actually a strange aphrodisiac. He hummed a groan, closing his fist tighter around his cock, precum already copiously spilling from his tip, lathering both his palm and his pulsing shaft.
His other hand moved from where it was clutching the pillow by the side of his head, skirting down to grasp his soft, round balls, rolling them in his palm. His hips bucked along with a whimpered gasp, brows pinching as his eyes fluttered closed. He experimented with different holds, finding his euphoria building quicker when his thumb pressed against his prominent vein and his fingers circled his tip. This was different to last time. Last time, he was completely out of control, waiting on the whims of a phantom pleasure. But this time, he felt his high build slowly, working himself up before tightly gripping the base of his cock. He didn’t know why he was edging himself, assuming that’s what it was, he honestly just wanted this to last. He’d never made himself feel this good, never drew gravelly moans and fractured whines from his throat with his own hands. 
A strike of confidence overtook him, and he let his hand venture further down, resting against the spot between his ass and balls. Still feeling bold, he gently massaged the area, gasping loudly at the sudden spike of bliss. Levi’s mouth dropped open with a quiet wail, his hips now thrusting erratically into his own hold, fucking his fist whilst his fingertips ground against his taint in ever increasing circles. Another question answered. He would not be disappointed. Not when he could feel his high cresting. He couldn’t help himself. In the comforting darkness, he whispered out your name.
“G-gonna cum! Fuck, fuck…! G-gonna fucking cum o-ohahaah! Nghyes! Fu–” His voice cut off as he was dropped into a sea of ecstasy, oceans of pleasure roiling in his veins, crashing over his nerves as he managed to bring himself to orgasm. His thighs shook, trapping his hand between them as he failed to stop the rhythmless bucking of his hips, white seed expelling from his sensitive head and dribbling down his knuckles, staining the sheets below. 
Levi basked in the afterglow of his high before the inevitable post-orgasm clarity ruined his mood. He thought back to your vixen-like smile, your teasing lips. He swore he could hear you laughing at him, giggling maniacally at his desperation.
–Easy– 
Great. Even his own mind was teasing him now. Levi sighed, the weight of his situation lying heavily on his shoulders. Until the realisation hit him like a punch to the gut.
After all that, after everything that had just happened.
He still hadn’t dealt with your fucking knees.
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“Eren, what the fuck?”
“You trying to kill us all?”
“We trusted you!”
Your blades held steady in your hands, heart pumping in your throat as you were poised to strike at a moment’s notice. Eren transformed out of nowhere, scattering you and your team to the floor, the wooden picnic bench now in splinters where his giant titan hand clutched a small spoon. You ignored the steady trickle of blood down your forehead from where a sharp splint had just sliced your skin, too busy focusing on your new enemy. The only thing standing between you two was your Captain.
“Calm down.” His order was ignored when you only gripped your blades tighter. Call it mutiny, you were not about to back down. Lives were in danger now. The lives of the people you cared about more than anything. He was an idiot for thinking you would just drop it.
“Captain, you’re standing too close, please step away!” At least Petra was on the same wavelength as you, voicing what you were thinking. But he held frustratingly steady, a hand held before him as if to stop you. But he couldn’t stop all of you.
“You’re the ones who need to step away. Stand down. Now.” You vaguely admired him for being able to keep his cool when faced with the drawn blades of the best Scouts in the regiment. “That’s an order.”
You didn’t care if the conviction of the other’s wavered. You were set. Another wrong move and Jaeger wouldn’t be a problem anymore. Erwin would just have to find another hope for humanity. Maybe one that possessed a head. 
“Are you an enemy of humanity, or are you not?!” Oluo shouted from your left, Eld, too, holding his blades tighter at the question. You did nothing but wait in panther-like hostility, anticipating the fucking second he would move to kill you all. You wouldn’t let that happen. Not on your life.
“Answer us, Eren!” It was Gunther this time, sounding like he genuinely wanted to believe in the teen. Of course he did, that was Gunther through and through. 
“I said stand down.” Levi reiterated, clipping his tone to the point of venom. A quick glance down told you he was talking to you. His Second. You knew he needed you on his side, but when faced with a threat this large, you had to rely on your gut. And he had to move out of the way. Your eyes returned to the struggling kid, but no sympathy entered your veins. Only the cold stone of protection. Bond or not, you still had to rely on yourself in certain situations. It hasn't done you wrong thus far. You could always rely on your gut. Always trust your gut. 
You watched as Eren squirmed and wriggled, trying to free himself from the fleshless arm. He could do that if he wanted, he could most likely find himself on the end of your blade though. The moment he came free and fell backwards, you were there. You hadn’t even noticed the arrival of Moblit and Hange, barely registered Levi’s harsh call of your name as your blade swung towards his neck–
Only to stop a hair’s breadth away from his throat. You could almost taste the kid’s fear, and you honestly relished in it. Good. He should be fucking scared. Betrayals like this aren’t taken kindly, and you would happily relieve his head from his shoulders. And you would have done, had your captain not stopped you with a hand grasped firmly on your shoulder. Honestly, if looks could kill, Levi would be six feet under. As would you. The tension was palpable as your entire squad watched a subconscious battle of attrition, a war between wills. A raging clash between ice and fire, stoicism against hotheadedness. The likes of which your squad had never seen. Not once had you clashed so fiercely with Levi before, and it wasn’t honestly a spectacle to witness. 
It felt like the charged silence warped on forever, before you slid your gaze from Levi to Eren on the floor, frozen in place. Eyes narrowing, you scrutinised him. Assessed him. Searched him for any fucking shadow of betrayal. It didn’t matter what came up of your search, because you sheathed your blade anyway, watching with a vicious snarl as he scrambled backwards. 
With your weapon away, Levi’s eyes shifted to the cut on your forehead, brows pinching in concern. But you honestly weren’t interested in his worries, having been put in an incredibly sour mood after this entire ordeal. You harshly shrugged off his burdened looks and hand from your shoulder, wincing away from his reaching fingers and stalking off away from the camp. 
Fuck this.
Now, sitting here back in the small dining room, your opinion may have shifted slightly. Maybe you’d overreacted just a little, though you didn’t really see how you were to blame for that. This was unexplored territory, of course you were going to be on edge. Sure, maybe pointing your razor blade in his neck could be considered ‘going overboard’, but you just called it ‘taking precautions’.
But the atmosphere in the dining room was heavy; laced with unspoken tension. Your squad all gathered around a dimly lit table, Levi standing off to the side slightly whilst Hange spoke to Eren about the spoon he was holding. You didn’t look up from the ground, despite the obvious flaw in your decision making. You didn’t understand how being threatened and acting accordingly was such a terrible thing, but by the look Levi was giving you, fuck you felt that in your soul. 
Was he really that disappointed?
Could you really blame him? 
“But still… Turning into a titan to pick up a spoon… What the hell’s up with that?” There was clear remorseful confusion on Eren’s face as he stared at his own hand, and in that second you understood just how brazenly you acted. Fuck.
“So basically, you didn’t act against orders on purpose, right?” Gunther asked, keeping a close eye on the kid. You knew you were all feeling the same.
“Right.” Eren responded, and Gunther sighed. You all did. You were wrong. You made the wrong call. Turning to look at Eld, you nodded at each other, same when your eyes met Petra’s. With a heavy heart, you raised your hand to your mouth and bit down on the flesh of your thumb. Hard. 
Hange looked slightly panicked at the spectacle before them, but Levi just watched. He understood. He felt the impact of your bite in his own hand, and he understood. Though he knew you bit harder than you needed to. A strain of painful pride blossomed in his chest.
“Wait, what are you doing?” Eren looked between you all in bafflement. 
“Ow. Fuck, that was hard. I’m impressed that you can do that, Eren.” Eld chimed, and you couldn’t help but smile. He always knew how to ease tension.
“This is our modest way of apologising after making the wrong call,” Gunther explained, “Not that it really makes a difference now.”
“Our job is to keep you in check after all! That was not a mistake. So don’t get ahead of yourself!” You almost snorted at Oluo’s justification. He never could stand being wrong, and you cringed at how much he tried to sound like the captain.
“I’m sorry, Eren. We were too on edge, and I can understand if you’re upset with us. But despite this, we want you to be able to rely on us, as we rely on you.” You’d almost never heard Petra sound so serious, but you supposed now was the best time for that. 
You knew it was your turn to acknowledge what you did. Stepping past your squad, you stood in front of the teen, your jaw set. “Eren… I acted too quickly, and you suffered for it. There’s no justification for how I behaved, and for that I can only apologise. I failed to recognise my job to not only protect my squad, but also you. As acting captain when Levi is away, I take responsibility for the decisions of the squad. And though the captain was present, this one was an error in my judgement.” You placed a hand on his shoulder. “I hope you can still trust us.” 
Eren looked utterly stunned, and Levi would have chuckled had he not been so caught off guard by your apology. There was that conviction he admired so much. He’d missed seeing your eyes flare in that way. 
“No, I understand. You were just doing your jobs…” Though Eren seemed unsure, you trusted him enough to make his own decision. Whether he could put his faith back in you, that was up for him to decide. You stepped back to the wall, folding your arms over your chest and glancing to where Levi was looking at you. 
‘I’m sorry.’ You tried to tell him, searching for that unspoken connection through his eyes. Your breath of relief couldn’t have been sweeter when he responded to you.
‘Forgiven.’ Is all he said. It was all he needed to say. Your resulting release of breath was reward enough.
Hange once again looked between the group awkwardly, not really understanding what the fuck just happened. “Well… now that’s over with, anyone down for a team-building game?” Honestly? Yeah, you were. In fact, you could genuinely think of nothing better than to relieve the tension with some fun. 
“What’d ya have in mind?” Eld asked, eyeing you with a quirked grin.
Hange thought for a moment, before a wicked smirk pulled at their lips. “Kiss or strip?”
“Hange, Eren’s fifteen years old. And why do all your games involve stripping?” You were a little surprised Levi chimed in. You honestly weren’t expecting him to stick around. But the idea of him staying to join you sent your stomach flipping.
“I uh– actually I’m probably going to head to bed. Today was… draining.” 
You pursed your lips to stop yourself from smiling at the obvious blush across poor Eren’s cheeks. You can’t blame the kid, you’d known your squad for years now, so stripping in front of them wasn’t an issue. Plus, you were all much older than him. You didn’t expect him to want to kiss any of you. 
“Ah! Excellent. Sleep well, Eren. Right, everyone in a circle. Anybody got a bottle?” Hange asked the moment Eren left the room. You sighed heavily, taking a seat on the floor next to Eld. 
“We should have expected this.” He muttered to you.
“We really should have.”
“Right!” Hange clapped their hands together, rubbing them slightly in excitement. Walls they were really terrifying sometimes. Placing a bottle in the middle, their manic eyes scanned the circle. “Who wants to go first?”
“Just spin it, Hange, nobody ever wants to go first.” You heart leapt. So he was going to join you! You felt Eld elbow you gently in the ribs, wiggling his eyebrows at your resulting scowl. Mentally cursing his name, Hange spun the glass in the centre, the neck landing on Moblit sitting next to them.
See, the thing with the Scouts, or at least the veterans, was that nobody was really out of bounds. Even so, on the list of things you thought you would see today, Levi and Moblit sharing a romantic moment was not one of them. If you weren’t so into him, you would almost root for their newly budding relationship. Even if a distant part of you was genuinely jealous at the fact fucking Moblit got a kiss before you did. 
After Hange and Gunther, the bottle landed on Oluo and Petra, and you watched to your absolute hilarity as Petra removed her jacket and handed it to him. You glanced at Eld in confusion, and he shrugged back at you. Petra never did explain what happened between them. Hange spun the bottle again, the neck landing on you. You were pretty comfortable with your entire squad, Hange and Moblit included, so the thought of having to kiss any of them didn’t really spark anything. Until you remembered Levi was playing, and suddenly it was like you couldn’t sit still. 
You couldn’t tell whether you were relieved or disappointed when the bottle landed on you again. Usually that would mean you would drink, but with the severe lack of alcohol, during this specific rendition, it just meant you’d kiss the person to your left. 
“Been a long time coming.” Eld grinned as you faced him.
“And whose fault is that?” You quipped back, folding your arms with a beam twice as bright. Without another word, Eld leaned down and quickly pecked your lips. You heard Petra’s gasp of delight across the circle, and made a mental note to hit her over the head after this game. 
“Anything?” Eld ask having pulled back, and you could safely say you were being truthful when you shook your head.
“About as sparkless as wet flint. Sorry, Pet.” You threw her pouting face a wink, before Hange nodded in approval. 
“Fair enough! Right neeeeeext up!” Hange spun the bottle again, and your calmed nerves flared up again the moment it landed back on you. Was this bottle weighted?
“Again? Damn, you’re really being favoured tonight,” Gunther snorted, and you rolled your eyes.
“Hardly.” You replied, uncrossing your legs and leaning back on your palms. It was extremely unlikely, right? Yeah, the odds weren’t in your favour with this game, and the probability of the bottle landing on Levi was so low that–
Well then.
You swallowed.
So did he. 
So much for low probabilities. The neck of the bottle taunted you by shaking slightly, before settling on your captain. Though you were nervous, excitement also fizzed in your gut. Finally, finally. You’d waited far too long for this. Though it was in a silly game, you thought this still counted, right? Yeah, this still counted. Your eyes met across the circle, and you could see that same spark of trepidation in his own steel irises. Fair enough, he too was nervous. That just made this slightly more special. You smiled to try to put him at ease, before freezing in your seat, expression stuck.
Levi took his jacket off. 
You blinked, slightly confused. Was he just warm? Or–
All your questions were answered when he handed it to you. Oh, this was nothing like the last time he did that. This was… this hurt. 
You were almost too stunned to take it, your numb fingers hooking beneath the leather and laying it down by your side. You almost wanted to take off the one you were wearing, also being his and all. You mildly appreciated the way Eld settled his hand over the one you were leaning on, trying to provide some semblance of comfort whilst you suffered this harsh slap in the face from reality.
Before that slap became a full on kick when the bottle landed on him and Petra, and he did kiss her. 
Eld squeezed your hand. 
You didn’t get it. You couldn’t get it. Had this whole fucking thing been some kind of sick, twisted joke? Had this whole thing been some fucked up game he’d been playing? Was he really that bored to the point he would fuck with your emotions like this? Were you even really bound? Or was that all bullshit too? Did he just fucking pretend? Was this all pretend?
You didn’t even register the rest of the game, thanking whatever merciful divinity intervened with fate and left you unpicked. Though the fucking second Hange released you all from their clutches, you were up and gone. Striding up the stairs and down the hall.
He called your name. You hadn't even realised he’d been following you until now, but this time you didn’t stop. You just kept walking, driven by a kind of hurt you’d never felt before. You wouldn’t cry. Not over this. You refused to. You’d been through so much worse than this, and yet this hurt so much more than anything else. Why? You thought you were good at handling rejection. You handled rejection from Eld pretty well, even if he didn't technically reject you. So why the fuck was this splitting your soul apart? You kept walking, heedless of Levi’s calls after you. You’d never been so angry. At everything. At yourself for reacting in such a strong way, at Levi for whatever the fuck that was, at Hange for even suggesting this stupid fucking game. You just wanted to go home. Fuck this mission, fuck these experiments, and fuck your stupid fucking, confusing, mixed signal giving, grumpy faced, irritatingly good-looking, annoyingly sweet, stupid fucking captain–
“Please, just stop,” you’d been too caught up in your head to hear his footsteps close in on you, only noticing the moment his hand wrapped around your swinging wrist, stopping you in your tracks. You didn’t turn. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of showing him you were upset. Fuck him.
Levi found himself at a loss. He didn’t know how to explain himself. He’d wanted to kiss you. Shit, he’s wanted to kiss you for so fucking long, but just… not in front of everyone. Not for your first kiss. And shamefully, he didn’t know if he could control himself. The bond he had to you had done things to him, made him feel things he’s never even felt a whisper of before. Disgusting, repulsive, filthy things he was so fucking ashamed of he could barely look you in the eye most days. But he couldn’t let you leave thinking he did what he did because he didn’t want to kiss you. 
“Let go…” It was a weak attempt, but you tried to pull your hand from his grip, only for his hold to tighten. You grit your teeth. “Levi, let go of me.” 
Every fibre of your self control was poured into keeping your voice steady, though your hand shook slightly. “I swear to the fucking Walls Levi if you don’t let go of me I will hurt you.” Physically or emotionally, you weren’t sure yet. You just wanted him to hurt as much as you were right now.
Little did you know he already did. You didn’t have to turn around for him to know you were in agony. He could fucking feel it, only made worse by the fact that was all his fault.  He hated it; despised this feeling. But he couldn’t hold you against your will, so he reluctantly let go. He felt like all his prayers were answered when you didn’t immediately leave. 
“I couldn’t.” It was as much of an explanation as he could manage right now. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how he could make this feeling go away. 
“I don’t understand.” His heart shattered at the confused desperation lacing your now quaking voice. “I don’t get it. One moment I think there’s something between us, but then it’s like I don’t exist. No, it's worse than that. It’s like you can’t bear to be around me.  I’m sorry I fucked up today. I’m sorry I ignored your orders and undermined your authority, but fuck! I didn’t think you hated me this much, Levi. Enough to mess me around like this. Enough to be more comfortable kissing Petra than kissing me. So I’m going to give you two choices–” you finally turned, eyes hardened with heartbroken rage, “Sever the bond between us, and stay the fuck away from me. I’ll transfer squads and we won’t have to see each other nearly as much,” 
No. He wasn’t doing that. He couldn’t do that. It would most likely kill him, as selfish as that was. He didn’t want to be away from you, being away from you wasn’t an option. And the thought of severing the bond… his blood burned from the inside at the thought. It was physically painful to even consider. 
“Or,” – you continued – “you talk to me. Just… tell me what’s going on. Because I genuinely can’t continue with things as they are between us. I don’t know where to go, I don’t know where I stand. I can never tell if i’m important to you or if i’m worth the same as the fucking dirt off your boots. And it’s agony, Levi. I don’t know if you know, but it’s–”
“I know.” That made you stop. You hadn’t taken a moment to really look at him, too trapped in your own pain to open your eyes and see him suffering from it. It was the moment that pushed you over the edge, two tears finally spilling down your cheeks. 
“Then why?” Your voice broke slightly. “If you can feel this too then, I don’t understand… Why?” 
“Because I don’t fucking know what I’m doing,” Levi ran a hand through his hair, muttering an exasperated curse. “It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you. Fuck, I’ve wanted to kiss you for so fucking long but I don’t– shit. I don’t know if I’d– I can’t– Fuck.” 
You almost wanted to leave. You almost wanted to turn around and leave this conversation, and him, behind. You didn’t want to stand here in pain anymore. “Levi…”
“This fucking bond. It’s– I don’t know, it’s fucking done something. I just– I can’t fucking stop myself. I can’t stop myself when it comes to you. And I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself there either. I just fucking can’t, and I need to know you… want this, before anything happens.” 
You both fell silent. You, processing what he’d just said, and Levi, waiting in throat-constricting anticipation. 
“So… you didn’t want to kiss me because you were afraid of getting hard in front of everyone?” You asked, the slight wry mischief in your tone shining through the heartache. 
Levi sighed in embarrassed relief. “Somethin’ like that.” He muttered, unable to meet your gaze. Until your soft hand on the side of his cheek guided him back to your gentle visage.
“Do you see me pulling back?” You questioned quietly, and Levi swallowed hard. You’d used his words against him, and honestly… that was the final straw. Searching your eyes one last time for any semblance of doubt, the moment his search came up empty, Levi closed the gap between you, and pressed his lips to yours. 
Fuck, they were just as soft as he imagined. He felt your release of held breath against his cupid’s bow as you relaxed, your hold on his cheek slackening to your arms draping over his shoulders. It took all of his willpower not to cum in his fucking pants just from kissing you.
You whimpered quietly as his arms snaked around your waist, holding you close. You never thought your first kiss with him would be in the middle of a dark castle hallway, but honestly it was candid enough that you really didn’t mind. You daringly ran your tongue along the seam of his closed mouth, and at his soft groan, something in you locked into place.
It seemed Levi felt it as well, as you both pulled away from each other abruptly, eyes wide in hungry awe. Arousal thundered through your veins, and all your clothes suddenly felt suffocating. You stared at each other for what felt like far too long…
Before Levi tugged you back against him, and borderline attacked your mouth. Roaming hands slid from your back to your ass, gripping tightly as he hoisted you up against the wall, tugging your thighs around his hips. Levi moaned against your lips as you opened your mouth, allowing for him to taste you, and for you to taste him. 
He doesn’t know why he expected anything else. Of course you tasted sweet, you tasted like fucking strawberries. He didn’t know if it was the bond making your taste like his favourite goddamn fruit, but he honestly couldn’t have cared less at this moment. He just wanted to taste you. To feel you. Fuck, he just wanted you.
You tightened your legs around his hips, sucking on his tongue as you ground your dampening cunt against his growing arousal, dragging a cracked whine from his throat. Your hands yanked against his cravat, loosening it around his neck and not bothering to take it off before you borderline ripped the first few buttons open on his shirt. You’d never felt this kind of desperation before, never felt this insatiable hunger for somebody else’s body before. But you sure as shit could get used to it.
You’d barely managed to expose his collar before your lips were against his neck, suckling sweet bruises into his pale skin, only barely having the mind to leave them below his shirt’s neckline. You felt his grunting against your tongue as you left a trail of saliva along the side of his throat.
Levi could do nothing but pant into your hair and pulse his hips into the apex of your thighs, eyes rolling as your teeth scraped against his pulse point. He almost told you to suckle there, but he had the same thought. He didn’t want you to leave marks where they could be seen. Your soft lips travelled up to his ear, nibbling and nipping against the flesh of his helix, your breath hot and damp. He wanted to turn the tides, but he was completely helpless to your assault, bucking into you as your nails scratched against the fuzz of his undercut.
You felt the tingles in your own hair, the bites on your own body as you skipped back down to his collarbone, biting harshly against his skin and watching in satisfaction as the blood rushed to the surface, colouring the patch a dark purple. You went to make another, before being harshly shoved back by your dishevelled looking partner. A gorgeous rouge had spread across his cheeks and down his neck, his hair mussed from your groping as his heated glare shot straight to your soaking core.
“My turn.” Was all he hissed, before his mouth devoured the valley between your neck and your shoulder. You felt him shiver as his teeth sank into your flesh tongue soothing the hurt before moving an inch down and repeating the same action. His hands were rough in removing any clothing obstacles from his path, the neckline of your t-shirt cracking as it was stretched beyond its shape, before snapping completely.
“Fuck, Levi…” That was his name you were moaning. His name you were whimpering as he trailed kisses down the valley of your breasts. Your head fell back against the wall, hands returning to his hair to grab and paw at. Levi groaned against you, mouth occupied with suckling blossoms into your skin before you unhooked your legs from around his hips.
He understood the message, gently setting you down on your feet, but he kept his hands around you, still holding your waist as his nipping mouth travelled back up the side of your neck to leave a lingering kiss against your lips. Pulling back a fraction, you panted heavily against each other, mouths barely grazing. You were the first to speak.
“I really don’t want to fuck you in a hallway, Levi, but I fucking swear if we don’t move somehwere else I will suck you dry here and now.” 
Levi felt his cock pulse desperately at the husk in your voice, the temptation in your ‘threat’ messing with his arousal-clouded head.
“As tempting as option B is…” he didn’t finish his sentence before picking you back up in his arms, your legs now wrapping around his abdomen instinctually. “I want to take you to bed.” 
The smile you gave him cut through the heady heat in his mind, the way your eyes lit up and sparkled in the flickering torchlight, the corners of your mouth pulling up into a dazzling beam. Levi always found you attractive, but the woman he was gazing at now was positively ethereal. Haloed by orange light, he brushed messy, loose strands of hair from your face, supporting you in his hold with one arm. 
“You’re so pretty,” he murmured almost absently, eyes tracing the way gentle pink slowly saturated your cheeks. You really were gorgeous to him. Complete perfection. Your lack of response had him grinning slightly, knowing he’d flustered you. He made a mental note to tell you how beautiful you were everyday, before you hid yourself in the crook of his neck, paying him back by softly teasing against an unknown sensitive spot just behind his ear.
Levi felt you shiver in his arms as he carried you down the hall, knees weakening with each kitten lick of your tongue against his skin. His straining cock throbbed with each step, begging for something, anything, to relieve the heated throbbing that had accumulated between his thighs. Briefs and pants rubbing uncomfortably against his sensitive tip, and with your teeth scraping down his neck, it was all he could do to just keep walking, teeth grit against the primal urge to set you down and let you have your way with him. But Levi swallowed his pride.
“P-please, I can’t– fuck, just s-stop for a moment, because at this rate we’re not going to make it somewhere quiet.” You chuckled darkly at his use of the word ‘we’, but acquiesced nonetheless. Levi huffed a relieved breath, thankful for the slow in pace, before shouldering open the nearest bedroom door. He knew you weren’t exactly happy with him for the spring clean yesterday afternoon, but he couldn’t be more grateful that all the rooms had fresh, new sheets and bedwear. 
Levi kicked the door closed behind him, setting you down for the second time. Your feet touched the ground for all of one moment before you pushed him up against the door, mouth latching back against the spot on his neck that made him ask you to stop. But this time, no such request came your way. Nimble fingers popped open the remaining buttons of his shirt, revealing his chiselled torso and marble cut abs. Shoving back the fabric of both his jacket and shirt, you set your mouth lower on his chest, leaving fresh maroon marks against his pale skin with your teeth. 
Shuddering, Levi let his shirt and jacket drop to the floor, for once not caring about how messy it would look, and your hands instantly slid up his front, ghosting over his naval. He cracked a soft whimper at your attention, squirming slightly as you mouthed closer to his nipple. You looked up at his expression wryly, lips still attached to his chest, before enveloping his pebbled sensitivity in your mouth. 
You moaned slightly in response to his airy cry, your own arousal spiking as you felt his pleasure. Levi’s back arched, pushing his chest into your mouth, writhing as your tongue flicked over his little bud. His hands threaded through your hair, his scalp tingling in an echo, as you shoved your thigh between his legs. You pulled back to mutter a curse as he started to grind against your leg, clit throbbing in tandem with each rock of his hips. 
You switched sides, showing his other nipple attention whilst you rolled the one abandoned between your thumb and forefinger. Your pitched whines sent shivers down his spine, his soaked cock twitching in response. Levi’s eyes rolled back into his head, hands moving to your waist as he rocked himself against your thigh. With a final harsh suck against his nipple, wrenching another airy yelp from him, you buried your nose in the side of his neck, encouraging his movements by jolting your leg against his clothed length, your cunt throbbing.
“Y-yeah, k-keep doing that, f–ah-aah! Fuck that feels so fucking good ‘Vi.” You moaned in his ear, feeling his grip on your waist tighten at your words.
“You can–nghaah! Y-you feel that?” he stuttered, barely able to form a sentence, the friction becoming too much to handle. You tugged on his hair in response, his eyes flying open, draw dropping with an embarrassingly loud groan. 
“Yeah, yeah I c-can feel it,” you nodded erratically, feeling the thrusts of his hips increase to a desperate, sloppy rhythm. You felt the build of his high in your own approaching orgasm. You weren’t even being stimulated directly and yet you were going to cum. Hard. 
Bliss bubbled in his loins, a feeling he now recognised. Fuck he was getting close, so so fucking close. He swore if this stopped like the first time he would genuinely break down crying. It clicked just as you leaned into his ear. 
“Make us cum, Levi.”
Clenching his teeth did nothing against the plethora of strangled moans he let loose upon reaching his high. Levi shuddered hard as his pleasure crested into bliss, his head lightly thumping against the door, cumming in his pants. Losing control of his hips, you just managed to take over through your own shaking euphoria, whining softly into his ear with your leg still grinding against his twitching length, head pulsing dribbling seed from his sensitive tip, drenching the front of his briefs. 
You cunt clenched around nothing when you felt his orgasm as your own. Honey laced your blood as you buried your head in his neck, riding out your simultaneous peaks. Your high pitched whisper of his name had him growling yours in response, arms coming up to hold you close to him. 
Levi shivered as he came down from his high, though his cock still throbbed desperately. He needed you. He needed to feel you, to be inside you. But through the slightly cleared arousal, he managed to form some kind of thought.
“That was you…” he strained, still holding you tight against him.
“What was me?”
“I could feel you. Shit, I could feel you fuck yourself… Walls, you’re insatiable. Twice? Really? I had to leave that fucking meeting because of you. Sh-shit that’s… that’s so–” Levi cut himself off with a soft groan as you pulled your thigh away from his crotch. You would have felt guilty, had you not just paid him back. Not only that, but he must have cum twice that day as well. 
You started to suckle on his neck again, finding it almost impossible to attach your lips to a patch of skin without a hickey. “That was entirely your fault. And you’re also guilty, Mister ‘I jerked off last night,’” you murmured against him.
“How the fuck were either of those times my fault?” Levi asked dazedly, slowly sliding his jacket from your shoulders, taking the pace down slightly. Now the initial frenzy seemed to have calmed, he wanted to take his time with you, though his raging hard-on protested blindly. 
You smiled slightly at the ghostly touch of his fingers on your skin, goosebumps prickling as he raised your t-shirt up to your midriff, nodding in confirmation after he paused for consent, before raising your arms to help him remove it. You watched his eyes widen slightly, the same expression he made briefly when he knocked on your dorm room door that morning, and you emerged half-clothed. In fact, you were wearing the exact same things as you were now. Your binding and uniform pants. Only missing the loose hanging harness from your hips. Leaning back in, you took his hands and placed them back on your body, brushing your nose against his. “Because you should have just kissed me that day. After poker. I wanted you to. Would have saved us both a lot of trouble,” you smirked against his lips. 
Levi huffed, barely able to focus as he felt your body for the first time. Your skin ignited beneath his touch, and he marvelled at the way your muscles clenched slightly. You were so sensitive, reacting to his fingertips softly grazing up to your breasts, the slightest hint of two peaks pushing through the fabric. Fuck he wanted to take them in his mouth, but all in good time, he reminded himself. He fiddled with the elastic hem of the binding, idly admiring your face. “I wanted to. You were very tempting that night. I liked watching you strip.”
You snorted a laugh, cupping the side of his face with your palm and smoothing the bone of his cheek with your thumb. “I’m kind of glad you didn’t,” Levi raised a brow of confusion, and you pressed a kiss to his swollen lips. “Means this feels so much better.” 
Lifting your arms again, you let him drag your binding up your shoulders, joining the growing pile of clothes on the floor. With your breasts now free, Levi seemed to have stopped working. Mouth slightly agape, he stared wide-eyed at your naked torso, unable to form any kind of thought. His dick felt like it was going to snap in half if it wasn’t freed soon, still stewing in the mess of his previous orgasm.
“Fuck… Fuck! Look at you… Shit you’re just– fuck, you’re fucking gorgeous.” You kept eye contact as you sauntered backwards, hand sliding down his arm to lace your fingers together, leading him further into the room. You bit your lip sensually as you smiled, slowly looking him up and down as you kicked off your boots.
“Wait ‘til you see the rest.” 
Levi crossed with purpose and plunged his mouth back onto yours, no hesitation in the invasion of his tongue. You leapt up into him, letting his arms support and carry you to the bed against the far corner. Without being able to see where he was going, the second his knees hit the edge of the bed, Levi let himself fall forward, his tongue still lapping at the roof of your mouth as the covers and mattress cushion your fall. His wandering hands set fire to your already heated core, desperation spiking when he moved from your mouth down to your jaw, peppering soft little presses down your throat, nipping against your protruding collarbone. 
Hands found soft hair as you laced your fingers in his locks, breath hitching as his rough tongue licked a column up the valley of your breasts, turning his head slightly and biting against the soft flesh of your inner mound. You breathed a whimper, hot breath inching ever closer to your own pebbled sensitivity. Only after quietly begging him, did he finally close his lips over your nipple, sucking against the electric peak. You arched into his touch, feeling the vibrations of his own moaning against your breast.
Levi switched to your other bud, hands ghosting along the hem of your pants, slowly flicking the buckle of your belt free and pinching your zipper between his thumb and forefinger. Not that you could even think to notice with his teeth clamping down on your nipple, tongue flitting over the hardened pebble in apology, before performing the exact same dance. Grinding his hips into the bedspread below, Levi hooked his fingers into your pants, dragging the fabric down your thighs as you raised up slightly to help him. His mouth left your chest, biting a bath down your stomach, over your navel to your pelvis. You kicked off your uniform pants, quivering as only a thin layer of fabric separated your heat from his touch. 
He almost drooled as you opened your legs for him, eyes instantly trained on the darker patch at your apex where your slick had soaked through the fabric. Your breath heaved as he nipped at the sensitive flesh of your inner thighs, huffing a small laugh when he whimpered, having felt it too. 
Your scent invaded his nose as he brushed against your ruined underwear, his cock twitching in anticipation. Inhaling again, his eyes rolled back when his hips bucked into the sheets below, savouring the few moments of arousal charged hesitation, before setting his mouth over that dark patch on the fabric, and sucking hard. 
Your head fell back against the pillows, groaning carnally to the ceiling, his own vibrating against your swollen clit. You heard the scrunching of fabric as he continued to grind into the mattress, your slick bud pulsing along with every thrust. It was strange to feel the sharp echo of a different pleasure, and you wanted so much to explore with him. To see where each part of yourselves resembled the other. For now, all you understood was that when the tip of his cock was stimulated, you felt it in your clit. 
Levi’s tongue poked out to slowly and gently circle over your cunt, pushing the fabric of your underwear further into your soaking hole and watching as your slick saturated through more of the cloth. Fuck that was hot. But he was getting tired of all these layers, specifically on you. Even one was too much. Kissing back up to your hip, he took the hem of your underwear between his teeth, and you almost came at the sight of him dragging them down your thighs with his fucking mouth. You kicked them off the second they were low enough.
Levi swore. And again. And a third time as you parted your legs and exposed your dripping cunt to him, positively glistening in the low light. If he was being honest, he didn’t really know what he was doing. He’d only had one experience previously, and he didn’t even cum during that. But he had the extra help of feeling your own pleasure, knowing roughly that if it felt good for him on his body, it felt better for you on yours. 
Before he could start, however, you sat up and instantly set your hands on his belt. Understanding your urgency, Levi let you remove it for him, grunting as you snapped it from his waist. His heart and cock lurched as you looked at it for a moment too long, clearly contemplating something, before deciding against it and dropping the leather to the floor. He couldn’t say he wasn’t a little relieved. 
Shoving his pants down, he stood to slide them down his legs and kick them off along with his boots. Your breath caught audibly when his rock hard length bobbed against the soaking tent in his briefs. Your teeth sank into your lower lip again as his thumbs hooked under the hem, attempting to stifle your drooling as he pulled his underwear down as well. You swore you came a little at the sight. 
Fuck, he was beautiful. Tip all flushed pink, the same colour as his sore, bitten lips. His shaft pulsating, coated in a shining, thin sheen of his own cum. Your wandering eye spied a delicious looking vein running up the underside, and you ached to run your tongue down it. 
“Come here.” You held your arms out to him, and Levi’s heart doubled in size at the gesture. Though the moment he got close enough, you stopped him from clambering back on the bed with you. Hands against his waist, he let you guide him to stand next to where you were sitting instead. “‘M gonna clean you up, okay?” 
Levi swallowed, nodding slightly as he attempted to steady himself. But the second your hand wrapped around him and your tongue delivered a kitten lick to his tip, all preparations flew out the window. His jaw slacked open with a sharp gasp, barely able to stand the sight of you lying on your front, playing with the head of his cock. He moaned along with you the second your lips puckered around his tip, hands fisting in your hair as the slick muscle of your tongue swept circles over his sensitive slit, watching with slight awe as your hips squirmed into the bed. He made his mind up then not to let you make him cum. He had a feeling the score wasn’t even close to being settled between you two, knowing that you had now made him cum three times, and he’d only made you cum once. 
Your teasing circles grew in circumference, before you flattened your tongue and took him further down your throat, dragging your muscle against that vein you’d seen earlier and drawing a gravelly whimper from his throat. Though you’d promised only to clean him up, you couldn’t help continuing, spurred on by your own stimulation and his carnal noises.
“Fuck… that’s– Y-yeah, ‘s good, so good…!” Levi’s hips bucked as your moaning vibrations echoed in his cock, his hands tightening in your hair. All your senses were consumed with him, his gently salty tang coating your tastebuds, the smell of his cedar soap a cooling balm for your nose as you had to compensate for the loss of your mouth. The feel of him on your tongue, throbbing and pulsing, thigh tensing beneath your hand. You could barely crane your neck up to watch his expression twist and contort in pleasure, eyes two pools of inky black, hair mussed and dishevelled. Fuck he looked so good. You held him in your throat, listening to his broken whines, just about able to squeeze out a whimper of your own as you cunt clenched around nothing. 
“O-off, fuck, st-stop! Don’t wan-nghahaah! Don’t w-wanna cum y-yet!” You relinquished your hold on his shaft, licking up the precum oozing from his tip. Levi panted heavily, his hands loosening their hold in your hair, only to run his fingers through his own. “Fuck, you’re way too good at that…” You grinned wildly, rolling onto your back and once again guiding him by his waist. His thigh brushed the inside of yours as you welcomed him into your hold, hands holding himself up either side of your head. You looked angelic. Hair splayed in a messy halo, lips bitten and raw, chest heaving. The angle looked oddly familiar, and you both smiled at the realisation. 
You took a contented breath. You’d expected a few more nerves when sleeping with Levi for the first time, but nothing had felt more natural or more comfortable before in your life. You felt cared for, worshipped. Loved. The faint echo of another heartbeat synced in your chest, and nothing had felt more right. Your thumb swept across his cheekbone, and you melted when he instantly leant into your touch. It had been far too long since you lips were on his, and Levi seemed to agree, eagerly opening his mouth when you arched up into him
A mixture of his own taste and your natural sweetness greeted him like a warm hearth, his hips rolling into your heat in response. You answered, hand skirting down to take him in your palm, and position him at your aching, needy cunt. Levi pulled back, gazing into your widened pupils. 
“You want this?” He had to ask. He had to have explicit confirmation from you. Bond of no bond, love or just lust, he had to have your verbal consent. He would never be able to live with himself if you regretted anything today. “I don’t know what will happen between us after… I don’t know how far this bond will go, but after this… I don’t think there’s any going back.” You’d honestly never heard such sweeter words. 
“I don’t want to go back. I want to explore this with you, I want to have this with you. I just want you, Levi.” The corners of your eyes crinkled as you smiled up at his expression of slack-jawed awe. 
“Can… Can you say that again?” He asked quietly, unable to take his eyes off you. You pushed his bangs back, cradling his cheek in your palm.
“I just want you.” 
Unable to speak, Levi stooped down and poured all his gratitude and adoration into your mouth, his tongue lapping against yours as he slowly, tenderly pushed the tip of his cock through your folds. You gasped against his lips, clit pounding as you sucked him in. Fuck, you’d barely started and you were already on the edge of an orgasm. You knew Levi felt it too, judging by the way he had to stop to just breathe, burying his head in your neck to try and quiet himself. But his groaning vibrated against your skin. 
Nothing you’d ever experienced had felt this good. The echo of his own pleasure throbbed in your cunt, your walls convulsing against his shaft as he pushed a little further inside, once again having to stop. It was torture of the best kind. Feeling him bob and twitch inside you, his teeth on your shoulder, your nails down his back. You could feel all of it. 
As could he. Which is why Levi could only move so much before his thighs started to shake again. Fuck, he was only halfway inside you and it was already too much. Every micro-movement had his balls pulsing, his tip leaking desperately inside you, essences merging. It was so much and so good. You felt so silky, wrapping around him like that, heat scorching against his sensitive cock. You were so fucking tight, so wet he could almost hear the squelching of every helpless buck of your hips. 
Inhaling a deep breath, Levi bit down harder on your shoulder, taking the leap and fully sheathing himself inside you. Your loud, broken moans danced with each other, your nails digging further into the muscles of his back. Chest heaving, breath heavy, Levi pulled back again to survey how you were doing. No better than him, he saw, though your delighted, slightly delusional smile could light up funerals. 
“Good?” He managed to breath, gritting his teeth against your walls clenching around him. 
You nodded, your sweat slicked hair sticking to your forehead. “Y-yeah, that’s one word for it. Fuck ‘Vi you feel fucking incredible.” Wrapping your legs around his hips, heels pressed into his lower back, you started to grind your cunt against his pelvis.
“Haa-aah! Fuck! Don’t… don’t do that. And st… stop fucking clenching like that! Gonna make me cum t-too soon.” He sounded a lot whinier than he meant to, pleading and begging with you rather than asking you. Your juices gushed at the sound of his cracking voice, his composure torn to shreds. 
You fucking giggled at his desperation laced tone, and he punished you for it with a quick thrust. Your amusement turned instantly to bliss, forcing another pitched gasp from your chest. Of course, he wasn’t unaffected, and Levi learnt pretty quickly that any punishments for you fell back on him tenfold. 
He pulled out a fraction, withdrawing his hips from the crease of your thighs, before pushing back in. It was all he could handle at the moment, these fractional micromovements. He assumed, under normal circumstances, they would do nothing for an ordinary partner. But you seemed just as affected as he was, keeping eye contact whilst he managed to fall into some kind of slow, sensual rhythm. Sweat beaded on his brow, slipping down the side of his head as you leaned up to press your lips against his. It was nothing more than soft contact and an exchange of breath. More than enough.
You followed his lead with pacing, back arching into his thrusts as he started to find himself. Your brows pinched, mouth dropping open with a stuttering whine as he brushed that spot inside you that sent you cross-eyed. What you weren’t expecting, however, was for Levi to suddenly slam his hips against yours, right into that same spot with a shattering cry. If it didn’t feel so good for you, you would have asked if something was wrong. You managed another question instead.
“Wh-where?” You asked. ‘Where do you feel it?’
Levi kept up his sudden change in pace, his balls slapping against the seam of your ass. “Haah, ah, in-inside! I– I don’t kn-aah! F-feels good!” You understood, too incoherent to unpack whatever the fuck that meant. You mewled along with him, eyes rolling into your skull as you became nothing but a ball of ecstacy. 
Keeping a steady rhythm soon became impossible, urgency fueling every buck of his hips, the dragging of your walls down his cock coercing him ever closing to a blinding high. He didn’t know if he would survive, honestly, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he was only vaguely concerned about noise. Only to find that he didn’t really care. Not when you were writhing and squirming beneath him.
The moment your fingertip glazed over your clit, Levi lost all control. Grabbing your wrist, he shoved your hand back above your head, replacing your fingers with his own. His tip throbbed and pulsed in stimulation, and he felt the knot in his gut tighten exponentially.
“Don’t… ngha-haah! Fuck! Don’t stop… ‘Vi, sh-shit, don’t– don’t stop. Feels s-so fucking good.” 
You started whimpering his name over and over again like some kind of mantra, throwing your head back with a cracked scream when he shoved your thighs from around his waist over his shoulders. He was no better with his volume, eyes falling shut as he borderline wailed from the shift of angle, that foreign sensitivity inside him stimulated to the point of numbness. 
Your hands clawed the sheets beside your head, and Levi couldn’t help taking them into his own, threading your fingers together as you approached your highs together. Leaning down, you whimpered as he stretched your legs. 
“I’m yours, Levi.”
The world seemed to fracture for a moment, before knotting back together as he was thrown over the edge by your words. Your mouth dropped open, back bowing to the point of possession as you let the embers of the bond consume you. Pleasure ripped through your veins like a hurricane as you clenched around his pulsating cock. You couldn’t tell if you were screaming, blood pumping too loudly in your ears to hear anything. All you knew was white. All you knew was stars and ecstasy. All you knew was him.
Levi threw his head back, eyes rolling and screwing shut as his hips slammed into your own one final time before he came with a roar of your name. Length twitching and quivering, he released himself into your soft cunt, painting your walls white with each wave of stuttering euphoria. He found himself bucking into your relentlessly, silently begging you to milk him for all he’s worth, your slick heat trapping him in a vice grip. Rope after rope of his seed spilled into your insatiable pussy, his toes curling with the endless crashing of pleasure. 
Levi stayed sheathed inside you, slowly moving your legs down from his shoulders before collapsing into your sweat soaked body. He could hear your heartbeat in your chest, and feel it in his own. Stronger than before. 
You felt both light and heavy at the same time. You felt both lost and found. A dichotomy of emotions roiling in your mind, but there was one thing you could settle on. You felt whole. That echoing thumping in your chest louder than before. Each brush of your fingers against his skin was felt as if it were against your own. Something had made a home in your heart, mind and soul. No, not something. Not just someone. Levi. 
“Do you…?” You were almost afraid to ask if he felt it as well, but when he managed to lift his head from your chest to look you in the eye, and the moment you saw silver slivers line his irises, you knew he did. He felt it too. 
You both whimpered slightly as he finally pulled out, huffing a breath against the salty skin of your neck. Levi’s arms slowly wrapped around your body, turning you both so you were lying on his chest. He honestly just wanted to hold you. Though he’d just been as close to you as one person could possibly get to another, he just wanted to feel you against him. He’d never been so completely overcome with a sense of belonging before. But here, now, lying with you resting against the combined rhythm of your beating hearts, is where he found his home. 
Something shifted down the Ackerman bloodline. A bond had been solidified, another branch from his ancestral tree snapping into place. Levi felt it in his blood, and judging by your searching eyes, you too noticed. 
“You alright?” He asked tenderly, swiping your hair from your brow. You shifted upwards to press a gentle kiss to his lips. 
“More than alright. I like feeling your heart.” He understood what you meant. Though your fingers rested over his chest, he knew you meant his rhythm in your heart. “I just want to know what else this… unlocks? Don’t really know how to describe that, but I just, I can feel you.” You nuzzled into his neck and his hand came to cradle your head. “And I wanna find out where you feel everything. ‘Inside’ wasn’t exactly very descriptive.” You teased, earning yourself a light slap to your side.
“I’ll draw you up a map next time.” Levi’s soul chimed along with your laugh. Should he say it? Would now be a good time? Or were those words too weighty for your first time together? They felt a bit too much, the night already charged with heightened emotion. Did he even need to say it? You most likely felt it anyway, but he knew he would need to say it at some point. More than that, he wanted to say it. Just… not yet.
Levi sighed contently, going to turn onto his side and tuck you safely into his chest, before the slight movement from his legs prompted a small wince. You, of course, noticed it.
“You okay?” His thumb instantly smoothed the crease of worry between your brows.
“‘M fine. I just, I knew I was out of practice, but fuck my thighs burn.” Your brows furrowed in brief confusion, before softening in instant realisation. 
“Oh, that’s actually probably mine. You’re not the only one out of practice.”
“You feel like this every time?”
“Not every time. Only the times when my partner decides to fucking bend me in half.” You sharply bit at his nose and he waved you off.
“Tch, it felt good, didn’t it?” 
“Wait ‘til you feel the cramps of my periods, Levi. This is fucking nothing in comparison.” You cackled as his expression fell to something of genuine fear. He hadn’t even thought about that. “Looks like it’ll be me bringing you soup and tea.” You grinned, your tongue poking out between your teeth. He adored it. 
He shifted again, grunting in discomfort as the pain in your thighs barked in protest. “You’re gonna have to carry me to the shower. I can’t move.” You cackled again, and Levi thought that if he died now, he would be happy.
“If I'd known I was going to be bound to a two hundred pound man child I would have thought twice. Carry yourself.” You attempted to shove him but he only made himself heavier, now having shifted back on top of you.
“No, you wouldn’t have. You are bound to a two hundred pound man-child. And this man-child is in pain. Where’s your compassion?” 
“In my cunt along with your leaking cum.”
“Fucking Walls you can’t just casually say shit like that!” Levi felt the vibrations of your laughter in his chest, melting further into your embrace when your hands gently sifted through his hair, scratching lightly against the fuzz of his undercut. “Don’t do that either, we need to clean up.” He mumbled sleepily into your skin. Naturally, you didn’t stop, feeling the pull of sleep on your own lids. 
“We can doze for a few minutes…” You mumbled into his hair as he wrapped his arms around your middle once again, and turned you on your side, this time his head tucked into your chest.
“Fine… but don’t fall asleep on me.” 
“Would I ever?”
It took all of two minutes, before you were both out like a candle in the wind.
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"get me a damned matcha" | Chapter 21: February II
{{ Chapter 20: January II | Chapter 22: March II }} Chapter Directory
they're so stupid, even after they've gotten together 🙄
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✧ pairing ➼ levi ackerman x fem!reader, college x coffee shop x roommates!au ✧ summary ➼ After you find yourself plagued with misfortune due to struggles in your personal and family life, you find yourself needing to move last minute. As a junior in undergrad with little money and little social support, you considered yourself lucky when you found a sublease that was close to campus and was relatively cheap. Unfortunately, it seemed that your roommate did not seem to be so excited regarding your presence. ✧ content/warnings ➼ fluff, fem!reader, both reader and levi being anxious over silly things ✧ word count ➼ ~5.1k
“Happy Valentine’s Day?”
You blinked at and raised your eyebrow at your vice president and his drastic change of behavior compared to the year before.
“What happened to you barging in here and shouting at the top of your lungs?”
“I have matured!” Oluo announced, with an authentic look of pride on his face.
“Sure you have,” you responded dismissively, maintaining your skeptical expression. You remembered Oluo essentially kicking down the door to the classroom last year, having decided that the entire building needed to know that it was Valentine’s Day. A part of you knew that your memory of it was only sour because your general mood around the holiday was horrible last year. Anything would have pissed you off.
You turned away from Oluo, who was desperately trying to save face after your comment, and looked up towards the new officers that you had picked out a few weeks ago. You didn’t have particularly high expectations for the first session that they would be running on their own. It wasn’t because you didn’t believe in Armin or Jean’s capabilities, but it would have been unfair for you to expect them to prepare something extravagant given the fact that they had literally just been promoted. You likely would have been fine with whatever activity they decided to settle on for today, but they made it blatantly obvious that it was a mistake on your end to underestimate them. 
They had picked up your trick of getting pastries from Nicolo, who had extended the discount to the newer officers. Given the fact that he was now fully in a relationship with Sasha, you were fairly certain that the discount would last for a while, which would be a solid source of support. The room was littered with red, pink, and white décor, primarily through the tablecloth on the pastry tables and little gift bags that Sasha and Connie had prepared together.
The most impressive part for you was that they were able to make the room and club activities seem thematic without putting that much of an emphasis on the romance insinuation that Valentine’s Day usually involved. You were fairly certain that if it was like this last year, your mood might have been saved no matter how bad your relationship situation was at the time. You knew that your relationship drama is likely why you wanted to stay as far away as possible from anything Valentine’s Day-related last year. 
However, things were different this year. Not only did you have all avenues of contact with your borderline abusive ex-boyfriend cut off, you also couldn’t live up to the standard of “being miserably single” like you could last year, even if that was just a humorous effort for you to defuse the tension that resulted from Levi insulting you after refusing to admit to himself that he had gotten jealous. 
Plus, being single last year meant that you really couldn’t care any less about planning anything official for Valentine’s Day. You didn’t have an obligation to anyone, other than the social pressure you had constantly felt about needing to participate in every social event you were invited to. Although that social pressure had somewhat subsided, the fact that you were now in a relationship meant that you now had an obligation to someone on this day—whether that was actually true or not was lost on you in the moment. The thoughts of whether you should have planned to do something with Levi or not were already creeping in.
“Any plans?” Petra asked as she leaned against the wall next to you.
“Hmm?” you mumbled, although it was more than audible with how surprised you were by Petra’s sudden question, as if she was reading the exact thoughts that were rushing through your mind.
“For Valentine’s Day!” she clarified, even when it clearly wasn’t needed.
You frowned and looked towards the ground, trying to think of what you had to do in the past. Unfortunately for you, the only experience you had was with Zack and he didn’t exactly set realistic or fair expectations. It had to be special or it wasn’t enough. It couldn’t be too over the top or else you’d seem desperate. It was a delicate balance that you were forced to navigate every year and even thinking about it now was giving you some residual anxiety regarding it.
“I’m going on a nice dinner and a late night drive,” Petra suggested.
“Wasn’t aware you were dating,” you grumbled.
“It’s a hit or miss,” Petra said with a shrug, “but I figured I should put in effort for Valentine’s Day.”
You frowned at her commentary. You knew that she wasn’t trying to imply anything or be passive aggressive, but it still made you feel like you were being negligent about the whole thing.
She glanced over at you with a genuinely curious look.
“So? Any plans?”
You did not, in fact, have any plans. However, now that the topic has been brought up, you couldn’t help but ruminate over whether you should have planned something for Levi. Despite having known him for around a year and a half at this point, you were currently drawing a blank when trying to come up with ideas as to what he would like. Even if you did figure out what he would have liked as a Valentine’s Day date—given the fact that you were thinking about it on the day of—everything would likely be booked out. It was too late to get dinner at a nice place and any daytime attractions would be closed by the time you got home. 
It was irrational, but you couldn’t help but imagine Levi’s disappointed look if he was expecting something and you didn’t provide. Part of you knew that he wouldn’t expect that of you and he likely wouldn’t even care for the supposed holiday, but you couldn’t shut your anxiety up. You didn't want to disappoint him, and this was for no other reason than the fact that you deeply cared about him. 
You immediately turned to Oluo, trying your best to conceal your panic.
“You can clean up, right? Or get one of the new officers to do it?” 
Your vice president looked over at you, not expecting the sudden question.
“Yeah? Great! Thanks!” you exclaimed before giving him a chance to respond or even orient himself as to what you were asking, before immediately grabbing your bag and walking out of the classroom at a hurried pace.
~~~~~
Even after you were well on your way home, your pace never slowed down. You weren’t able to even really process the walk home and found yourself on autopilot mode the entire time. You were entirely trapped in your head, internally freaking out because you did not know what to do.
When you were with Zack, planning something for Valentine’s Day was a must. You were always diligent about planning something out over a month ahead of time so that you could reserve the most ideal locations without having to worry about a rush. In return, Zack would pay or plan some small activity afterwards. It was the only part of your relationship that was anywhere even close to reciprocal. Although he contributed, it was still you that did most of the work.
You threw that lifestyle out the window after you broke up. You remembered stressing and putting your entire life on hold to make sure that you were planning out the perfect day. You weren’t interested in doing that again anytime soon. 
Given how volatile your relationship was with Zack, you really didn’t plan on dating again anytime soon, but Levi snuck up on you in a way that you never would have predicted. Although you’d never trade your relationship with him for anything else, dating again this soon meant you were completely unprepared for the concept of Valentine’s Day.
What do I do?! 
Your thoughts were chaotically running rampant through your mind for your entire walk home. You couldn’t think about anything else, but you couldn’t form a plan to move forward either. No ideas were coming to mind. You didn’t even know how to propose an idea to Levi at the last minute. The only thing you could imagine of him was that unamused and disappointed look on his face that you convinced yourself would show as soon as he realized that you didn’t have anything planned.
Panicked, you pulled out your phone to check the time. It was a few hours before Levi would get off his shift at the cafe and come home. It wasn’t really enough time to get anything solid planned, but it might be just enough time for you to put something small together to at least show that you put in the effort.
By the time that you got home, you still hadn’t really thought of anything that you could put together for him. There wasn’t a single suitable idea that came to your mind. You ran a play-by-play of your life with him through your head, but everything that came up was either too simple or too complicated, too effortful or not effortful enough—it was clear that nothing you could generate in your mind would be satisfactory. 
Not even bothering to turn on the lights, you immediately went into your room and shut the door behind you, pulling out your computer and pulling up the search engine. Your eyes were intensely gazing at your computer screen as your hands hovered over your keyboard without moving. You had begun typing some term related to ‘Valentine’s Day events for college students’ but immediately froze up because you already knew that most search results would involve something that would have required more time than you currently had to put something together. You were paralyzed without a single idea over what to do.
You knew it was silly to be this fixated on planning something for Valentine’s Day for your boyfriend that probably didn’t even care, but the only thing running through your mind was how Zack had reacted in the past whenever you failed to put something together. He’d get angry, act disappointed, and generally made you feel like shit over it. You knew that Levi wouldn’t do that, but you couldn’t shake off that paranoid part of you that kept on asking you what you would do if he did.
“Get your shit together,” you whispered to yourself, shaking your head in an attempt to get yourself out of your head.
You took a deep breath and forced yourself to type into the search engine. You had little hope that anything productive would show up, but you figured that even the smallest thing would be better than Levi coming home to nothing.
~~~~~
Valentine’s Day was as annoying as ever for Levi. The café had the obnoxious decorations, the undergrads cared for nothing other than the hot chocolates that carried an obnoxiously cheesy name for the sake of the holiday, and Levi was forced to witness more than a disturbing amount of people entering and exiting relationships left and right. Since it was technically a busier holiday, he got paid extra, but other than that, he really couldn’t care any less for the holiday, if it could even be considered one.
His only saving grace was that he was slightly less annoyed about the couples this year compared to previous years. This was only because of his newfound relationship with you, although neither of you really had that “honeymoon phase” since you had already known each other well before entering a relationship. Thus, he could sort of understand the sentiment about couples prioritizing this day for each other, but he still found it obnoxious that most couples decided to do so for public eyes to see.
“Hey Levi, got any plans?”
“Ah?”
Levi looked over and saw Nicolo approaching him, having finished restocking the pastries at his station.
“For Valentine’s Day! We’re closing at 7 today,” Nicolo reminded him. 
It was still around 4, so the café was still open for a few more hours and it was clear that he was itching to leave.
“I’m probably going to cook Sasha a nice dinner or something.”
“Didn’t you do that last year?” Levi asked with a bored expression, not particularly interested in the details of his coworker’s love life. 
“Yep!” Nicolo said with a nod, clearly not sharing the same concern with Levi over the repeated activity, although cooking a nice dinner could hardly count as a boring, repetitive way to spend the holiday. “You planning anything with _____?” 
Levi’s facial expression didn’t change, but he was suddenly at a loss for words. It wasn’t that he was particularly uncomfortable with talking about his personal life, but it just wasn’t something that he usually did. 
“Not that,” he said after remaining silent for a few seconds. “_____’s an absolute pain in the ass to cook with.”
“Well, there’s gotta be something, right?”
Levi knew that Nicolo was coming from a good place, but he just didn’t function in the same way. The concept of planning some extravagant event wasn’t something that he usually did, but that was when he was on his own. If a fancy and special plan was something that you were expecting, then he was woefully unprepared, and knew how much of a pain in the ass it would be if he went home and found you disappointed and upset. His bored expression quickly turned into that of a frown.
“What does she like?”
Levi at least knew the answer to that.
“She loves her damn Matchas,” he said with a scoff.
“That doesn’t count. You already make her a Matcha every day,” Nicolo responded dismissively. “C’mon, what’s out of the ordinary that she’d love?”
It was easier for Levi to come up with things that you’d hate than it was to point out even one thing that you’d love other than showing up with your favorite comfort drink. You weren’t that into gift-giving and had stated that the tradition of it on birthdays and around Christmas caused you active distress. You mentioned that public displays of affection generally embarrassed you. Levi knew that the two of you had a habit of going on scenic and romantic walks outside, but you already did that quite frequently, so it would be too ordinary to be considered ‘special’. 
He found himself getting increasingly annoyed, not thinking that something as silly as this would’ve popped up on his radar. He had emotionally prepared himself for an annoying day at work due to the heightened presence of undergrads, but didn’t consider the fact that he was in a relationship, and that today was the day meant to celebrate relationships. It just wasn’t something that came together in his head until now. It added stress that he hadn’t anticipated.
Still, a part of him felt like he should do something, or at least put in the effort to do something. He cared enough about you that he wanted you to be happy, or at least not upset—his opinion of you being a pain in the ass when upset had not changed. He didn’t want to come home and see you be disappointed.
Levi tutted to himself in irritation. He knew the remaining few hours of his shift were going to be nothing but annoying because he was now fixated on what to bring you home or if there was something extra he should have done to celebrate. The fact that he was even stressed about this bothered him. It hadn’t even crossed his mind when he woke up in the morning, but now, it was the only thing that he could think about.
~~~~~
This is stupid.
Levi repeated that thought to himself in his head as he glanced at the flowers sitting in the passenger’s seat of his car. He didn’t even know if you would like these, but he felt obligated to get you something. He had swiped one of the Matcha cupcakes from the café, but Nicolo’s earlier comment about Matcha's not counting—even if he was talking about the drink and not this flavored pastry—was stuck in his head. He had just started the drive home, barely making it a block down the road, before his intrusive thoughts got the better of him and he turned around to the nearest convenience store to pick up the bundle of flowers.
He had spent more time than he was willing to admit trying to decide what flowers to get you. What did you like? What didn’t you like? Was there some symbolic meaning that depended on which flower he chose for you? Would you even care?
The convenience store was about to close and he noticed that he was grabbing the attention of some of the other customers due to how long he had been standing there, so he eventually grabbed a bouquet of a random assortment of flowers that were so colorful that it hurt his brain to process it. The thought of the differently colored petals being littered throughout the house for the next few weeks irked him, although he wasn’t sure if it was truly due to the prospect of a messy apartment, or if it was simply because he was feeling anxious and overstimulated as a result.
He felt out of place. Not only did the act of him getting flowers for you throw him off, he was weirded out by the fact that he was anxious over whether you would like this or if you would make fun of him for it. On top of that, Levi knew about your history with relationships and how over the top you were forced to be for them, and it ended up giving him subtle feelings of insecurity of whether he’d be able to live up to those standards, which weirded him out further. He was grossly overthinking the whole situation, which was already unheard of for Levi Ackerman. 
Once he finally got home, he ended up sitting in the parking lot with his car in park, staring at the entrance to the apartment complex. He knew he was wasting gas by just sitting in the parking lot, not wanting to turn his car off yet given how cold it was outside. He had been sitting there in an attempt to calm his nerves for the past 10 minutes or so. 
He really was questioning why he was so anxious about it. It was you. While he couldn’t say that he didn’t give a shit anymore, he had never gotten worried about your perception of him. Throughout the many fights that the two of you had throughout your first year living together and especially throughout that summer, he had never once cared about if you were judging him or thinking less of him. It just didn’t cross his mind, and even if it did, it certainly wouldn’t bother him to the extent that it was bothering him now.
He couldn’t stop ruminating over how you would react to his last minute gift. You could either mock him for getting you an overly simple and basic gift, or you could get weirded out that he even got you a gift in the first place. He could see both occurring and they were equally uncomfortable to think about.
“Get your shit together, dammit,” he whispered to himself, finally gritting his teeth to force himself to switch off the engine and beginning to make his way into the building.
The walk seemed much more effortful than usual. It was similar to the phenomenon where the more you walked towards a certain destination, the further away it seemed to get. Part of him even wished that you weren’t home just so he can procrastinate on actually dealing with your response on the off-chance that it was a negative one. However, given the fact that it was already past 7pm, you were likely home already. 
Once he finally got to the front door, he found himself standing there, hesitant to go inside. How would he even give it to you? He wasn’t the type to give gifts and he couldn’t imagine anything other than awkwardly handing you the flowers and hoping that you didn’t notice how anxious he actually was. 
After a few minutes, Levi sighed to himself and unlocked the door, stepping inside. 
He froze once he immediately saw you pacing around the living room. 
You didn’t react that much more elegantly, letting out a startled yelp once you heard the front door open and saw Levi step inside. You looked like a mess. It was clear that you didn’t bother to change once you got home. Your jacket was still on and Levi could see that you haphazardly kicked your shoes off at the front door without bothering to put them up onto the shoe rack, which was unlike you, although that was a habit you had picked up once you realized how much it bothered Levi to have shoes lying around the floor. The lights weren’t on and you looked overly tense.
“...did you just yelp?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow.
“N-No!” you immediately denied. “You just caught me off-guard!”
“I see,” Levi mumbled, clearly not believing you, as he stepped inside and began to take off his shoes, placing them upside down onto the shoe rack, switching on the lights afterwards.
As you watched him, you began to awkwardly shuffle, trying to shake off some of the anxiety that you had been feeling for the entire day.
“Uhm,” you finally spoke up, getting his attention. “So, I was dumb and forgot it was Valentine’s Day until roughly a few hours ago.”
You spoke slowly, gauging his reaction to see if he was getting upset or disappointed.
“So I couldn’t get us anything thing special,” you continued, “and I’ve been panicking trying to set something up, but everything’s closed or booked and I wasn’t sure-”
You cut off your rambling as you noticed something off about Levi.
“Wait, what do you have in your hand?” you asked as you noticed him holding something. He was slightly holding them out of view, but you vaguely saw the obnoxiously colorful petals of the flowers he had picked up for you. 
Levi awkwardly looked away, glad that the lights near the door were dim as the tips of his ears began turning pink as soon as you noticed what he was holding in his hand.
Your gaze on him quickly turned unbearable and he grit his teeth, shoving both the bouquet and the cake in your direction. 
You blinked at him with a surprised expression that was quickly replaced with a blush as you realized that he had gone out of the way to get you a gift for Valentine’s Day. It was simple, but actually really sweet, and you found a bashful smile quickly growing on your face.
“...Levi…” you said quietly, trying to hide your smile.
“Listen,” Levi started speaking with a subtle, defensive tone, immediately assuming that you were going to mock him for it, “Nicolo was giving me shit for not planning anything.” 
He was avoiding eye contact and was awkwardly scratching at the back of his head. You rarely saw him this flustered, if ever. It was refreshing and oddly endearing. 
“Sorry if it’s basic,” he grumbled. 
He barely got to finish his sentence before you went in and wrapped your arms around his neck, making him quietly grunt from the force of your hug. You immediately planted your lips on his, pulling him in a tight hug, setting the gift down on the table behind you.
It took Levi a few seconds to react, having been caught off-guard by your sudden act of affection, with his hands eventually falling on your hips as he returned your kiss, now flustered for an entirely different reason. 
“I love it,” you whispered after finally pulling away, “even if it’s basic. Why are you apologizing?” 
You were too close to notice the backs of his ears gradually growing more red, especially now that he realized that any anxiety he was having throughout the day was silly and uncalled for.
“...Just don’t usually do this sort of thing.” 
You tapped your finger against the back of his neck, his comment reminding you of your own dilemma that was occurring just a few minutes ago.
“I was panicking a bit because I couldn’t think of what to do for you for Valentine’s Day…I’m sorry to say I don’t really have anything,” you said meekly, giving him a genuinely worried look. “Are you mad?”
Levi blinked at you in confusion, scrunching his eyebrows together.
“Why the fuck would I be mad?”
You felt your cheeks heat up as he questioned you.
“Oh,” you began, finding yourself stumbling over your own words, “I…I-I don’t know…I just wasn’t sure if you’d be expecting something, and I wasn’t really able to prepare anything, so I thought you’d be upset or disappointed or-”
“You’re so stupid,” Levi muttered before pulling you back in and gently pressing his lips against yours again.
You smiled into the kiss, feeling a sense of relief. You were embarrassed now that you knew you were overthinking it, but still incredibly relieved that it wasn’t anything to actually be worried about.
“I can make it up to you?” 
Levi sighed, giving you an exasperated look.
“If you must,” he mumbled before quickly giving you another kiss. “With what?”
“Hmm,” you thought as you slightly pursed your lips in an attempt to come up with something that the two of you would actually enjoy. “Maybe we can split that cake and finish that show we started the other week?”
The corner of Levi’s lips tugged up into a slight smile.
“Thank fuck, I thought you were going to recommend going out or something.”
You looked away, his response further reminding you of the fact that you had wasted the first half of the afternoon freaking out over nothing. The bashful look on your face was more than noticeable at this point.
Levi grabbed your chin and made you look at him again.
“Sounds good,” he whispered, planting another quick kiss on your lips. “Let me change into home clothes?”
You nodded, slightly backing away so that he could get to his room to change. You watched him as he disappeared into his room. Once he shut his door, you glanced over to the flowers that he had gotten you, reaching for the pastry bag behind it. You were able to see that it was a small cupcake, but didn’t know what it was other than that. Upon peeking inside, you saw that it was a Matcha cupcake and a small smile appeared on your face, with you finding it incredibly endearing that he went out of his way to get you something Matcha-related that wasn’t the drink, purely because he knew about your small obsession with Matcha's and likely wanted to get you something different.
Grabbing the bag, you flipped the light on in the kitchen and grabbed a small plate out of the cabinet, carefully maneuvering the small cake onto the tempered glass. You grabbed two small forks and a napkin and took the cake over to the coffee table in your living room. You set down the plate and laid out the napkin in front of it to catch any crumbs so that it didn’t land on the table itself.
You turned on the TV and scrolled down through your list of saved shows until you landed on the drama you had recently started watching with Levi. The two of you had started it a few weeks ago, and Levi claimed that he was only watching it for your sake, but got oddly into it, constantly providing commentary on the plotline that clearly disproved his supposed lack of interest in it. 
After a few minutes, Levi walked back out of his bedroom, having changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants. You scooted over to the side and he sat down next to you, his arm propped up on the top of the couch as he leaned back.
“What episode were we on?”
You placed a finger on your bottom lip as you tried to remember what had happened in the most recent episode that you had watched.
“The one where he was trying to propose, but couldn’t get ahold of her, I think.”
“Tch,” Levi immediately tutted, discontent with the flow of the story. “Everything that comes up is bullshit. They’re just trying to drag the plot along.”
“Thought you weren’t interested.”
“I’m not,” Levi quickly responded with a frown.
The defensive tone in his response was not missed by you, and you immediately raised an eyebrow at him, clearly indicating that you didn’t believe him.
“I’m not,” Levi repeated with a scowl. “You wanna watch this fucking show or not?”
You shot him a skeptical look that non-verbally communicated ‘if you say so’ before turning to press play to start the episode. You heard him grumble something under his breath about how you have to make even cozy nights in difficult and you slightly shoved at him in retaliation.
You reached over to the other side of the couch to grab the throwover blanket, wrapping it around yourself as you scooted right up against him, resting your head on his shoulder, as his arm wrapped around you. 
Although you were quite embarrassed about overreacting, you were very grateful that he didn’t give a shit about Valentine’s Day, and found it quite endearing that he was just as stressed about meeting expectations for the holiday.
Every time that you felt that urge to prove yourself in your relationship with him, like you had to do for so many others before him—both platonic and romantic—you were reminded quickly after that he didn’t care about those small, superficial details. Your relationship with Levi was different, and it was different for the better. It was the only reason why he was able to make you feel how you felt around him. You were satisfied and happy, and didn’t feel like you had to keep up a ruse to satisfy a status quo.
You, as you currently are, with all the little nuances that made your life what it was, and all your little quirks that he had grown to love about you, were enough.
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