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godisshook · 9 months

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Casual

Cody is the ultimate fuckboy. He prides himself on never getting attached and only using others for sex. A path of broken people and torn relationships is left wherever he steps foot, and he just doesn't seem to care. He was a horrible boyfriend, but he was my friend regardless. In my defense, we had known each other since grade school, and I can confidently say that this is a recent development. The worst part of it all is nobody else seemed to care (aside from those he hurt of course) about his dating behavior.

I tried to be a balancing force in his life, as much as I could, hoping that I could be a good influence on him, or at least prevent him from doing as much damage as possible. I tried to steer him on the right path, using our friendship to hopefully help him understand, but all my pleas fell on deaf ears. Usually, I was the first to know if Cody had entered a new relationship, but I stopped receiving those all-too-common relationship updates from him for months. Knowing his habit of being a serial dater, it seemed far too suspicious that something hadn't happened in all of this time.

In addition to ensuring Cody doesn't implode by ruining every relationship he had, it was also my plan to make this summer the best of my life, and that meant changing everything. I have only dated one guy, and that resulted in an incredibly underwhelming breakup and an even more underwhelming friendship afterward.

Our gym days had been a sort of ritual between the two of us forever, I always did cardio, while he did weights. We used this time to catch up on each other's days and make plans, all intermixed with some exercise. As one of our many rambling conversations soon circled to the topic of relationships, I used the moment to bring up my grievance with him, in the sternest way I could. Balancing seriousness with a friendly air, I said, "It is wild how you manage to be so bad at keeping a relationship." He replied, "Remind me, you've been with how many people?" With an immediate, "Oh, one!" Keeping up with the banter, I quipped, "But, I mean, at least my one relationship still likes me after." Even as the words left my lips, I knew I had crossed an invisible line. Cody's look at me only proved my thinking, as I glanced over to a blank stare.

The moment suddenly felt intense. I thought I had hit too deep, even gone too far. I steeled myself and prepared a response, but as I did, I noticed a smile appear on his face, soon replaced by a full-faced chuckle. As the sudden shift in emotion gave me whiplash, I could only manage a light laugh, but I felt his strong hand pat my back, as he said "I mean, if they hate me so much, they should take it up with me, but they all knew what they were getting into." The seriousness of his response was dulled by his kind demeanor, but his words hit hard.

He always had that effect on people, where his words never seemed to match his face. I always thought it was a quirk of his, but at this moment, I became aware of just how effective it could be. His disarming smile made it impossible to hate him for long, and his way with words always got him out of whatever jam he found himself in. As if nothing had happened, he said, "You wanna go on the treadmill?" Whether it was a strategic olive branch, or him just genuinely not caring, I did not care to know, I grabbed my water bottle and followed behind him.

As our workout drew to a close, I sat to cool down, and scrolled through my socials as Cody still migrated around the gym. He would soon place himself right between me, and a mirror on the wall. Looking up from my seat, I said, "Why arent you sitting down?" As if he took offense to the statement, he responded, "I have to admire my hard work first." Knowing that this was the least ridiculous thing he could have said, I replied, "Y'know what, knock yourself out." Before I could even properly go back to scrolling through social media, it became obvious why he chose this position, as he lifted his shirt to admire himself in the mirror, and chose to close the distance between us.

Cody had always made it obvious he had feelings for me. But due to my general aversion to dating and knowing his dating habits, there was never a chance for anything to happen. Despite all of this, he flirted as if we had never seen each other, which always yielded interesting situations. This felt like a nice shift from things, and I soon reassured myself, thinking that maybe I did actually get through to him, and all of these months were him reflecting on things. While I most definitely was going to exaggerate my role in this process, despite the true cause, it was fun to think about.

There were many days like that afterward, with quips and banter, and our friendship remained strong. He invited me to the park, an event that seemed very date-like, but one that was incredibly pleasant nonetheless. Weeks filled with the usual late-night texts, sudden house walks, and constant snack trips, things felt so familiar, so, safe. I reveled in this moment, as with our return to college, life would get busy, and we would inevitably fall out of touch, meeting in hurried coffee rushes, or quick workout sessions.

For now, there was peace, and I appreciated it whenever I could. After lounging my day about, I received a sudden text from Cody.

"Come to the gym," He texted.

"What do you mean, it's literally closed," I responded.

There was a second of hesitation, but a speech bubble quickly followed with an,

"I know."

It was weird, but he's had stranger ideas, and so I followed along, wanting to see what situation he had conjured up today. I arrived at the gym only ten minutes later, as it was a quick walk from my place. As I approached the door, I noticed it was already ajar, and in the parking lot, a single black car was parked at the far end. "Cody," I thought to myself. I entered, and the few lights that were on illuminated a path to the far back. With a tinge of paranoia overtaking me, I looked around to see if the cameras were on, but to my surprise, they had all been blacked out. When I finally reached the back, Cody was standing there, expectantly.

In a cool tone, he said, "I've been thinking about what you said a while ago, I do need to get my act together, I wanna do better." A look of surprise came over my face as I replied, "How so, and why does it involve us being here so late?" My question was met with hesitation, a moment of silence, but even that felt like an eternity. Breaking the lull, he responded, "Let me show you." He was serious, there wasn't even a smile to join his words, he wanted me to know he meant what he said.

Things felt different this time, as Cody closed the distance between us, I felt an indescribable heat and urgency emanate from Cody, as if everything in this moment was his world, and was waiting for my word to let loose. I had been able to resist his charms for years, but this moment felt, different. It was as if everything had aligned for this to happen, but it was just right. "I know you can't stand my dating habits, but I did it all to try to replace my desire for you.

My body gave away my feelings in a way words could not, and I leaned onto Cody and laid a kiss on his cheek. I whispered, "I should've done that from the start." The kiss elevated the heat of the moment, and a sharp intensity came over Cody, desire and joy mixing, as he assessed just how he was going to have his way with me.

Suddenly, I felt my knees hit the ground as his warm hands moved expertly around my chin, bringing my gaze up straight to him. "There's a reason I haven't been seeing anyone because it's always been you." His words lit a dangerous spark, and I could not resist anymore. But just as the moment was set to hit a fever pitch, a noise outside brought us back to reality. As the sounds of footsteps drew close, we rushed out the back door, and ran to the forest behind the gym, an escape route we were used to navigating for years. It was exhilarating, it felt like, in this small rush, we were back to being kids again. As we approached the other side, we watched our breaths for a moment, and after looking around to ensure we hadn't been followed, we walked up onto the sidewalk.

The walk was calm and serene, with few words spoken, but many thoughts still communicated. I felt my cheeks redden, a blush overcoming me. Cody took notice of it, but only his eyes gave away his knowledge of things, as he continued conversating as usual. In a second, as if he finally had his chance, he asked,

"You wanna go back to my place?"

It was obvious what his offer entailed, but there was a curiosity nagging at me, and I just had to resolve it. "What are we?" I asked. It was a brave question, I could have gravely misjudged the moment and ruined the friendship right here, but I felt bold, and it was a time for big steps. The usually calm and hesitant Cody became fiery for the moment, responding, "We're whatever you want us to be." It was clear what he intended with this, but it was my turn to hesitate. With uncertainty meandering throughout me, I replied, "Let's keep things casual for now, then." "Fine by me," he shrugged.

His arms went over my shoulder, bringing me close to his chest, where I could feel the intensity of his heartbeat. The rest of the walk back was silent. Where once there was small talk and expectant words, it was now a walk of resolution, one of completion. Finally arriving at his, I splayed myself on his bed, and turned on a movie, as he went to the bathroom to take a shower and change. Even though I snuck a peek (of course) things were relatively PG, likely due to me being too exhausted to actually capitalize off of him being in the shower.

I looked around his room, a place I had been to many times, and once I had seen change countless times over the years, as new aesthetics came in, and old looks went out. It was fun to see all of this change, and made me admire just how long our friendship had lasted. Just as I thought that the situation that I now found myself in could put the whole friendship in jeopardy. I had just told him I wanted to "keep things casual." Which I immediately regretted, not knowing what response he even wanted. With my overthinking taking up every moment, I couldn't truly enjoy the fact that my hot friend wanted to date me.

Taking in how I even got to this moment, things seemed so complex. The guy who I had been lecturing for ages on how to be a better boyfriend, somehow wanted to be with me? It seemed like one of those perfect coincidences like the stars aligned in my favor just this once. I was going to take it in stride but still was mired over what he wanted out of all of this. With my thoughts all over the place, it seemed fortuitous that the person to take me out of that lull would be none other than Cody.

His return from the bathroom resulted in him only in his boxers and a sweater, his bulge already noticeable as he walked out. As he sat down, I resisted the urge to drool on the spot. He sat right next to me and started watching TV. I could not resist the urge, and immediately laid my head on his waist, feeling his bulge just inches from my head. Both of us were making moves, but in a way that allowed us deniability, it seemed that we were each taking my words to heart.

We continued watching, only getting ten more minutes before Cody decided to lift off his sweater, revealing his muscled chest. He knew exactly what he was doing at the moment, and as I had to shift my head to accommodate him taking his sweater off, I was now face to face with his toned body. I had to admit, he knew exactly what times he was hottest, and this was definitely one of them. I was mesmerized by him, and he knew he had me enamored.

I decided to still resist, wanting to beat him at his own game. I sat close to him, resting my head on his shoulders, and laid my hand on his bulge, while watching the movie innocently. It was my bravest moment, but I felt his cock pulse under my hand in response, meaning I had clearly succeeded. Cody kept his cool for now, but his face was going flush, it was clear that his body was going to betray his mind when it came to how he felt, and that was most apparent when it came to his dick.

His bulge was getting more noticeable, and it was clear that this movie was no longer the focus of the night. I looked over and met with bedroom eyes from Cody. As his bulge grew, I knew what I was being beckoned to do, but I, always the tease, wanted to extend the heat. I laid a kiss on his cheeks, "You seem so excited to watch a movie with me," I quipped. A strained look came over his face as if he was simply waiting for the go-ahead.

I only gave him kisses, but he returned them with a special intensity. Small pecks became deep kisses, and we began feeling each other up and down. The moment could have gone further, the feeling was there, and the moment had aligned. To my surprise, however, Cody would be the one to stop it in its tracks. Separating from the kiss, he said,

"Please, just stay the night."

I was awoken by the smell of eggs and bacon cooking downstairs, and my nose guided my path to Cody cooking in the kitchen. It was obvious I made the right decision in staying, as Cody was set to dote on me every second he could. Hypnotized by the delicious-smelling food, I could only sit and grab a plate, as Cody said, "Take as much as you want, I made plenty," I confessed, "You are truly my favorite person." "I know," he replied.

I lounged about, enjoying my day by doing absolutely nothing. Even on Cody's bed, I felt a comfort that I hadn't experienced in a long while. Things just felt, right. As Cody ran errands, I watched TV, changing between reality shows and trying to beat commercial breaks. He would return occasionally, and always lay a kiss on my head or, if I had gone into one of my many naps of the day, simply leave a snack for me as he left.

As the lazy day drew to a calm evening, I stood up to go home. I had walked to his with none of my things and had to steal even the clothes I was wearing from his closet. Deciding that I had to go get my things, I stepped out, leaving a note for Cody on his return. Instead of the note greeting him, it would be me, as when I opened the door, none other than Cody was standing right there, having returned. He noticed me holding my stuff and putting things together in a second. Instead of letting his feeling be known through words, he simply dropped everything, and grabbed my waist, laying a deep kiss on my lips. As he drew away from the kiss, he said, "You don't have to go."

His disarming smile once again clouded everything, as it felt as if I couldn't say no. I said, "But none of my things are here." He immediately replied, "We can get it and you can come back." As I finally put the pieces together, I understood what he was truly asking. He had long wanted us to live together, and this was the moment.

I had lived by myself for years, and there would be worse people to live with, so I finally responded, "Y'know what, I can just use your stuff." Cody broke into a full smile from this, and he closed the door behind him and began kissing me continuously. The only moments we stopped were to come up for air, as we took off each other's clothes then and there, leaving on only the more base layers. I felt his bulge press against his shorts and decided to play with him a bit.

Maintaining the kiss, I brought the distance between us closer, pressing straight into his bulge. As I did, a jolt seemed to go through Cody, as he bucked against it, temporarily breaking the kiss. Grabbing me tighter he said, "You do these crazy things, and don't expect me to respond?" Before I could respond, he had lifted me up on his shoulder and was carrying me to the room. Seeing the kitchen and hallway move around me, without my legs being able to do a thing felt, different, but sexy nonetheless.

Finally reaching our destination, he took care as he entered the doorway, and finally getting inside, rushed to throw me on the bed, to which I exclaimed "Hey!" He quickly replied, "Your whole trip here wasn't allowed to be amazing." I giggled at this, and got up on my knees, beckoning the still-standing Cody over to the bed with a finger. He walked over in a sultry manner, and as the distance between us closed once more, I felt up his body, admiring every bit of muscle as I made my way down.

I took him by the waistband, and pulled him onto the bed, resting my body right beside him, able to feel every breath hit me, as his heartbeat pounded against his chest. It was a singular second of peace, we both knew where things would go from here, but in this moment, we were just laying by each other, without a care in the world.

The feeling was nice, but I decided it was finally time to take this to the next level. I moved our bodies closer to each other, and took his face into my hands, laying a light kiss on his lips. He took this for exactly what it was and returned the favor. With that, things heated up faster and faster.

After I initiated things, Cody truly let loose, our hands taking off what little clothes remained on the other's body. His dick, as if it was waiting to be released, bounced up from his underwear, and as I noticed, I could only laugh. "You really wanted this, didn't you?" I asked. "More than you could even imagine," he responded. Instead of taking off his underwear immediately, I teased his prominent bulge, guiding my hands up and down, and was met with a deep sigh in response. Taking a hand to his chest, I moved my hands down, taking deliberate slow care to every point on his chest, to which Cody took my arm to guide me further down once more.

Now noticing the position he had me in, Cody quickly took control, shifting my body under his, and taking my wrists in his hands, a steely stare meeting my eyes. Once again, there was hesitation, as he assessed what to do. Taking advantage of this, I asked with a chuckle, "What? You didn't think you'd get this far?" Instead of a response, however, my words were met with a sudden kiss, his lips pressing into mine, hard. The intensity of the kiss sent a flash throughout me, and his bulge now pressed against my thigh, as if it was waiting for permission to be let out. As a flurry of emotion came over me, I could only muster a single response.

"I'm all yours."

He moved like a man possessed, laying hot kisses throughout my neck, and moved my thigh up, in a moment, he moved down and began eating me out. His tongue worked expertly, and I could only moan in response, pleasure surging throughout me. A fire came over his eyes, as he knew he had me exactly where he wanted me. With a flourish, he took off his underwear, and his cock was finally freed. I gawked at his size, unaware that someone's dick could be that big.

I took the initiative, taking it in my hands and jerking him off. It was now his turn to respond with a low grunt, his deep voice bucking against the pleasure he felt. Taking things into his hands once more, he grabbed the lube from his dresser, and wet his cock. As his tip entered me, I felt a wave of heat overcome me, as my body responded to him entering me.

Soon, he was fully thrusting into me, his cock filling me up entirely. Shocks of pleasure strike through me as he continued fucking me, with me only being able to make small moans, each thrust silencing me again. We fucked for what seemed like hours, trying each and every position. Each time I thought we were done, he would cum again, setting the cycle anew once more. Load after load filled me up, and soon I became numb, after being fucked to my limit. Cody, still full of energy, kept going. I found myself wanting to keep going, for him, and didn't want this moment to end.

I felt as if the world around me was blacking out, with my only focus being Cody's warm face, laying kisses all over me as he continued pounding me. In one final thrust, I was sent to true climax, and everything became hazy. Cody's voice would be the thing to break the fog. I focused on his words with his voice being a familiar sound to my ears.

"I'm addicted to you, did you know that?" He asked.

On the verge of blacking out, I replied,

"I always did."

#addicted #jock #muscle #smut #college jock #college guys #alpha men

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hacash · 1 year

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someone hold me it turns out I’m not done talking about Isaac and Colin yet because look at this shit

(with all the credit to the talented @skulandcrossbones; a gif is worth a thousand words!)

look at Isaac’s face. he’s not pissed. he’s exasperated, yeah, but he’s also ready to talk. he’s not the angry Isaac we saw telling the team to delete their ex’s nudes; he’s not even shakespearean-rage Isaac from Amsterdam! he’s got half a smile on his face, he’s conciliatory, he’s opening up lines of communication, he’s approaching his buddy - do we really think he’d be that tolerant if it looked like Cockburn or Dixon were seemingly refusing to delete intimate pictures of their ex-girlfriends? do we really think he’d be that chill even if it were Bumbercatch or Richard or Jamie?

but it’s Colin, and Isaac clearly knows Colin better than anyone, and he knows that Colin is a good guy, and he knows that Colin is gonna do the right thing if Isaac just talks to him. I even think from that approach that if Colin had said that he wanted some space or that his situation was complicated, Isaac would have heard him out.

but Colin doesn’t react as expected. he acts with uncharacteristic hostility; he appears to put up a wall against Isaac’s olive branch. and when Colin seemingly presents himself as being not on board with doing the right thing, it really takes Isaac aback.

because that’s clearly not the Colin he knows and loves. now, even though Isaac is hot-tempered and rather physical, I propose that he wouldn’t have snatched Colin’s phone if it wasn’t for that response. but Isaac’s clearly a man of principle, and he’s a man who cares about his friends. so the painful combination of Colin (seemingly) rejecting doing the right thing and (seemingly) rejecting Isaac’s olive branch is the worst combination possible and leads to Isaac reacting sharply, which brings everything crashing down.

anyway it’s too late now but I need both Kola Bokkini and Billy Harris to remember the ‘no face journeys’ rule because they’re absolutely killing me rn.

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #isaac mcadoo #colin hughes

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beardedjoel · 8 months

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closer | part twenty

joel x f!reader. non-apocalypse au.

series masterlist | main masterlist | ao3

chapter summary: joel wants to repair things, and you aren't so sure if you want them to be fixed. if you've learned anything about joel, though, it's that he's very persistent. 11.7k words. chapter warnings: 18+ MDNI, age difference (joel is 42 and reader is 25), more angst!, mutual masturbation, phone sex, joel is out here TRYING his hardest a/n: this chapter is super long, i'm sorry if it feels a bit of a mess i just had a lot of ground to cover, and if i'm honest i was really nervous about this after the last chapter hoping i could live up to everyone's expectations and desires for this next part! i really hope everyone enjoys it, there's a lot to unpack here!!! as always comments and reblogs are so appreciated, i love you all!

Everything fuckin’ hurts.

Those are Joel’s first thoughts as he wakes the next morning. Emotionally, physically, all of it. Sleeping on a couch at his age wasn’t doing him any favors, so he tries to stretch out all the kinks and soreness riddling his body now when he sits up.

He glances at your bedroom door, still tightly shut from last night. and wonders if you’ll ever emerge this morning, or just try to wait it out until he leaves.

Joel lost count of the amount of times throughout this mostly sleepless night on your couch that he did the same thing, glancing at your door and itching to get up and go open it. Just wanting to comfort you, to talk to you, to say everything that was on his mind. He doesn’t even know if it would even be fair to you to try after what he’d done last night, not even including the shit he pulled this past month. In fact, he feels like he doesn't know much of anything these days.

This last month had been the absolute worst of his entire life. Worse than when Betty had left him, worse than when they’d had their relationship ending fight and she told Joel he ruined her life in as many words. He had nobody to blame but himself in this situation, where with Betty at the least she’d had her own hangups that led to where they’d fallen apart.

He thought he’d learned from it, from the horrible way things had ended with Betty. He’d learned to encourage any girl he’d be lucky enough to have in the future more, to never let them think they could be held back by someone like him. He’d thought he was doing that for Betty before, but by not wanting to leave Austin, not leave everything he’d built there, he was suddenly her villain after years of resentment, and it hurt even now to think of someone he’d cared for so deeply looking at him that way.

Betty had shattered him, through and through, he knew that, and now you were paying the price. Now you were looking at him that way, and it was worse than he could have imagined.

Joel runs a hand over his tired face, ruminating on everything that had led him right here, to sleeping on your couch instead of happily in your bed with his arms wrapped around you. He didn’t know if what he was doing was the right thing, it sure as hell hadn’t felt like it. But how could he let you resent him someday, just like the woman he’d thought loved him before had? He feared that now everything he’d worked to avoid was coming true anyways, that there wasn’t a chance in hell you could ever forgive him.

He felt like he should stand by what he did, breaking things off with you. That was what he should do - for your sake, and for his. Things still hurt now, but if you were ever going to be able to live the life you deserved, he still wondered if he needed to stay out of it for that to happen.

Maybe. Maybe not. He went back and forth countless times a day ever since he’d left your apartment that night before he was too exhausted to think anymore, then crashing into bed and finding that sleep didn’t come easily to him most nights.

He had to do something, some kind of olive branch. It felt pathetic, but all he could think of right now was to bring you coffee and a breakfast sandwich, the one thing you’d said always cured yours and Sofia’s hangovers. If last night was any indication, you seemed like you’d be needing it. Joel quietly creeps over to the side table next to your front door, where you’d haphazardly tossed your purse last night and digs through it, grabbing the keys to your apartment before heading out.

Google told him there was a place relatively close by, only three blocks away that had both of the things he was looking for. With a black coffee for him, an iced vanilla latte and breakfast sandwich for you, he headed back, practically sweating with how much he was rushing to get back before you woke up. If you woke up and saw him gone… his heart sank at the extra pain that might cause you to think he’d just left this morning without even bothering to talk at all.

Joel breathed a sigh of relief when your bedroom door was still closed as he passed into the entryway of your apartment. He set down your food and drink on the counter and perched himself on the edge of the couch, drinking his coffee and tapping his foot nervously. He’d decided somewhere between his walk to the coffee shop and back that it was time to lay it all out there for you, to try to fix some of this damage.

He was ready to do whatever it took to start fixing things, if it was possible. That horrible night, anger and fear had clouded his thoughts to a point where he wasn’t thinking straight, he just knew he needed to run away from what he feared. It turned out to be the biggest mistake he could have made, and he was miserable.

Even if you wouldn’t have him back (he expected that much), he could say his piece and offer apologies for all the stupid shit he’s done. When he hadn’t seen you it was easier, of course, to try and stay away, not say all the apologies he knew were necessary. But now that he was faced with you in the cold light of day, he knew that it was the right thing to do.

When shortly after, he thinks he hears noise from inside your bedroom, he stiffens and tries to steel himself for whatever uncomfortable conversation could be coming. You crack your bedroom door open slightly, just enough to peer out and see that Joel is still here, sitting on your couch with a coffee in hand, a cup you recognize from your favorite nearby shop.

Joel’s heart thumps hard in his chest as you emerge, having changed into a pair of pajamas and cleaned your face of all your smudged makeup, looking tense. You stand near your doorway, leaning back against the wall, folding your arms across your chest.

He clears his throat, willing his voice to come to him. “Mornin’,” he croaks out, voice still a bit hoarse from the early morning and not having spoken much for the day yet.

You purse your lips slightly, beginning to fiddle with your hands in front of you anxiously and looking in his direction, but not quite at him.

“Er, good morning,” you say, your bottom lip going into your mouth as you chew relentlessly at it. “Look-” you start, but Joel starts speaking at the same time, creating an awkward interruption between the two of you.

“Got you some breakfast,” he says, gesturing to the counter. You turn around to see the latte and small bag housing the breakfast sandwich and your lips twitch slightly, but you will yourself not to smile. “Breakfast sandwich, the hangover cure, right?” Joel adds, and you huff a small chuckle before grabbing everything off the counter and sitting down at the kitchen table. This way, you can face Joel but not have to invade his personal space too much.

“Thanks,” you reply, digging into the treats Joel had brought you. “Really needed this. I drank too much last night… I don’t think I can do that again.”

Joel passes you a polite smile and understanding nod, his hands now in his lap, balled into fists. “Y-you were gonna say somethin’, but would it be okay if I speak first? You were right last night, we should talk,” he asks, and you perk up a little, peering at him skeptically.

“Oh, sure… okay,” you say, bracing yourself for whatever you might hear next. Some chastisement, some extra damage to inflict on you, most likely. Joel seems much calmer than last night, though, and it gives you hope this could be a much better conversation.

“I… I’m sorry. Last night was a mess,” Joel breathes. “Shouldn’t have come just to yell at ya. I wasn’t gonna, was gonna leave you be, figured it was just drunk calls or somethin’, to be honest. My worries got the best of me, thought maybe you were in trouble, like with Vince… I should've just called ya back like a normal person and avoided this whole fuckin’ mess. Should’ve… done a lot of things,” Joel breathes out, a pained expression on his face before he continues. “Like called you or messaged you in the last month for starters. I’m real sorry about that, hope you know. I know that just sayin’ it once doesn’t mean much, but I had to.” Joel’s eyes cast down about halfway through his speech, flicking back and forth from the floor to your face, trying to read any kind of reaction or emotion from you.

You sit, stunned with a piece of the breakfast sandwich still in your mouth. You have to force yourself to chew, bringing yourself back to reality as you process what Joel is saying.

“Thank… you for saying all of that,” you start, taking a long pause to try to get your head on straight. It’s too fucking early to be having this talk, but you know you need to power through it. “I know I should have just left it alone too, but you can’t blame me for wanting some kind of answers or closure from you, right? After what you did? Why in my drunkest state I resorted to spamming you like a crazy person?”

“I know… I know…” Joel says quietly before putting his head in his hands for a moment. “Not crazy at all, don’t say that. I understand, and I -” he takes a deep breath, having a hard time putting his feelings into words.

“I should have called. The next day. That night, even. You don’t know how close I was, wasn’t like I walked out and felt all peachy, forgettin’ you existed or somethin’.” Joel thinks quickly about how he’d lose count if he thought about all the times he almost called you, had a message ready to type just to not know what to say in the end.

You stiffen at his irritation, and Joel’s eyes flash to you, noticing the change. “Sorry… shouldn’t be gettin’ so defensive like that. I’m just angry with myself,” he says.

Your brows pinch together a bit, having not considered that as a possibility for some reason. “You are?” you ask as soon as the thought pops into your mind.

Joel’s eyes widen, not believing that you’d believe he couldn’t possibly be angry with himself in this situation. “‘Course I am, sweetheart,” he says softly, before catching himself. “Sorry, again, Jesus, I’m screwin’ this up, callin’ you those names and stuff. I’ll stop that, promise,” Joel rambles on, swallowing hard before he continues. “I’m very angry with myself. Least I could’ve done was given you a call, but I was feelin’ hurt, and I let that stop me from thinkin’ about how you were feelin’.”

“Yeah, you did, Joel,” you say plainly, taking another bite of your breakfast and trying to keep your face neutral. The last thing you want right now is to show him how badly it broke you, how badly it’s still breaking you right this minute to have him sitting in your apartment after a month of nothing from him. You want him to see that you won’t just immediately fold under him again, that you want to have time if you two could possibly repair any of this. You’re suddenly glad that last night didn’t go the way your drunk self had wanted it to - you’d have slept with Joel in a heartbeat then and would have been in a much worse position this morning.

“Just wanna own that, y’know. That I fucked up there,” he says with a nod, more to himself. “And lots of places.”

“Well. Thank you for doing that.” You know your tone is cold, but you’re afraid to not put some distance between the two of you right now, afraid of what thoughts could come spilling out from your mind if you let your guard down. His face is scrunched up in an emotion you hardly ever got a chance to see on him, his eyes bloodshot and beard overgrown. Now that you see him in the light of day, he kind of looks like hell, if you’re honest. You feel a twinge of pity, and while you’re not usually one to ignore that kind of thing towards someone you care about, for your own self preservation right now, you do.

“Not to assume, or anything, but I’m sure it hurt you. Just ‘cause I was hurt, shouldn’t have hurt you too. I wanted so bad to avoid all my shit from the past, and yet I’m in the same situation… seein’ the way you’re lookin’ at me right now.” He breathes out a long sigh, full of hurt that he hurt you. “I’m real proud of you for everything with the job, and I regret not bein’ able to say that.”

Well shit, now you are going to pity him a little bit. Just a little, you think, that’s all.

You aren’t able to contain the small, reserved smile that pulls at your lips when you hear his words. You’d never doubted that Joel could be sorry for the way things had ended up, but hearing him say so much, be so vulnerable with you, it’s a big start. He’d completely shut down that night in a way you’d never seen him do before, and slowly but surely, he’s opening back up for you.

“Thanks, Joel. I really… appreciate that. I know this has been… well, fucking awful. I know I have my part in this too, but I hope you understand now that my decisions were mine, and not yours to make. I was trying… to keep us together because that’s what I wanted.”

Joel nods quickly, his head bobbing, shaking his already sleep riddled hair everywhere. “‘Course,” he says. “I was afraid if I didn’t do what I did that it would end up bad, and well, it did anyway. Don’t know what I was thinkin’... truth is I wasn’t… thinkin’, that is.” He lets out an exasperated chuckle, one where you know the situation isn’t funny at all, but he doesn’t know what else to do.

“I know, Joel. I get it, what you were trying to do…” you say absentmindedly, eyes drifting off to a spot just past him. You’re quickly running out of steam, feeling the emotions starting to overwhelm you, taking you back to that night when he’d left you. “It just really fucking hurts, the way you went about it,” you add on, quieter now.

“I know, honey, I know. Can’t believe how much I’ve hurt you, how bad I messed up.” Joel puts his head in his hands again, leaving it there and shaking it into his palms. You heard his voice waver on the last words, and you know he’s embarrassed, trying to hide himself from you. Joel thinks over and over that he doesn’t deserve any of it, any of your time, any of the comfort you might give him if you see he’s emotional.

You stand up, the chair scraping across the hardwood floor, piquing Joel’s attention but he still doesn’t lift his head from where it sits, hanging low into his hands. You take a deep breath, worrying you’re about to make the wrong decision, but fuck it, you can’t stop caring about this man no matter how hard you try.

“Joel…” you say quietly, approaching where he sits on the couch. He lifts his head slightly and shakes it.

“N-no, shouldn’t be comforting me,” he blurts out. You ignore him and sit stiffly next to him and put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“You’re allowed this, Joel. I am really fucking mad at you, but you still deserve that. Let’s hug, okay? I think we both need it.“ you swallow, feeling unsure of yourself, but proud that you’re trying to set some boundaries. “After that, I think you should head home,” you add on, feeling almost pained to say it, wishing you two could sit here for hours and rebuild what you had, but you know it’ll take more than that. Most of all, it’ll just take what time does best - healing.

Joel lifts his head and turns it to the left, looking into your eyes. His are rimmed red and bloodshot as ever, all the anger you’d seen in them last night completely faded into a hopeless despondency. Despite how completely wretched with regret he looks right now, you can’t help but continue to notice how damn handsome he is. You give him a weak smile that he returns immediately. You stand, urging him up to stand with you by tugging at his hand, and he wraps his arms around you tightly, the urgency in his touch scaring you for a moment that you could fall into its trap. You’re stronger than that right now, you know. You pull yourself close and return the hug, getting a quick breath in of his scent and essence, trying to burn it into your memory before you even realize you’re doing it.

You don’t know where things will go from here, now that it feels like so much is out on the table. Joel has shown you a side you’d never expected to see after he decided to end things that night, and it’s pulled at your heartstrings more than you’d care to admit. As much as you want to just curl yourself into his arms and pick up where you left off, you want to give yourself more respect than that, feeling like you can finally be a bit stronger than the spell Joel has always had you in.

Maybe this is what he always wanted from you - this full independence from him, not taking him too seriously in your life. But why does it make you so sad now that you’ve gotten it?

“Thank you,” Joel murmurs before pulling away. “For listenin’ and not screamin’ me out the door.”

“You know I’m not the screaming type,” you quip back, before realizing the possible double entendre in the words. “I mean… when talking… when… shit, sorry,” you say, trying to laugh it off, and Joel lets out a warm chuckle, the first real laughter shared between the two of you in ages. It feels so fucking good, so natural, but you push the thought away as quickly as it came into your mind.

“I got you, don’t worry,” Joel says reassuringly, squeezing your shoulder before stepping further away, making his way to your front door.

He turns back towards you, and you can see him bite his lip, hesitation written all over his face. “Don’t expect you to forgive me or anythin’ right now, but could I - could I call you sometime, maybe? Or text? Or somethin’?” he asks, and you can’t mask the way your eyebrows lift in surprise, and the way you almost immediately answer “yes”, to him. The desperation in his voice and sad brown eyes pulled at you, your heart tightening inside your chest.

“I don’t know, actually. Can I… think about it? Maybe text you first if I decide it’s okay?” you say, trying to appear more confident than you actually feel right now. You can feel yourself folding quickly, and need Joel to get out of your apartment now, or five minutes ago, if you’re being honest with yourself.

Joel nods, turning his lips down in an expression of consideration. “Sure, ‘course, whatever you need,” he replies, and you breathe a sigh of relief that he’s willing to agree to it.

“Thanks,” you say, giving him another tight smile. He dips his head respectfully before reaching for the doorknob.

“See ya,” he says, and you echo his words back, staring at the door with wide eyes long after he’s left. This is too remnant of the night he’d walked out and left you staring at the door, so you force yourself to move and be productive for the day, getting some cleaning done and rewarding yourself with a hot shower and plenty of couch time afterwards.

You have so much to think about now, and while you feel relieved that Joel had been able to start clearing the air between you two today, you feel uneasy, completely at war with yourself. The part of you that wanted him back in your life, wanted to make up for every bit of lost time was fighting hard with the part of you that felt too hurt to even consider letting him near you again.

Ultimately, you knew which side you’d choose, and half hated yourself for it.

It didn’t take long for you to decide to take Joel up on his offer of rebuilding contact between the two of you. Later that week, after spending sleepless nights toiling over it, you pull out your phone and type out a message to him while you sit on your couch, shamelessly eating cheese right off the block one evening after work. A situation like this called for comfort food in any way you could get it.

You: Hey there… I think maybe I wouldn’t mind a text here and there from you if that’s still what you want.

There it was: simple, not too eager, only inviting in sporadic contact from him, instead of a full blown tidal wave of Joel. Not even ten minutes later your phone buzzes next to you, and you find your heart jump in your throat, and curse yourself quickly for such an emotional reaction. You’re supposed to be playing it cool, here.

Joel: Thank you, promise I won’t spam you. Hope you’re havin a good night.

Joel’s message didn’t invite anything in return, it was simple and sweet, just a well wish for you. But you could help the itching feeling in your fingers as they hovered over the screen, wondering if you should say anything back. You feel a small swell of pride when you decide against it, half tempted to tell Joel your pathetic little eating situation just to get a laugh out of him. You’re not supposed to care if he thinks you’re funny anymore, anyways.

Over the coming days and weeks, you go about your life, feeling like the tiny door in your heart cracks open a little more each time Joel texts you. They’re usually just sweet little messages - nice wishes for your day or a thinking of you. Each time, you craft a delicate response to keep that stupid heart door from opening wide and letting you get sucked in again.

Joel: Hope work has been good today, know it can stress you out.

You: Thank you 😊 you too!

—

Joel: Saw your parents today, can’t believe they’re still being nice to me. They seem to be doing well and Benny seemed happy to see me too

You: They’re too nice for their own good! Benny loves you though, he was so obsessed when he stayed over your place

—

Joel: Don’t forget to eat today… I remember you said there was lots of deadlines this week and you tend to do that sometimes

You: Ugh you got me on that one. Totally was about to skip lunch… promise I’ll eat something.

Joel: You better

—

Joel: Hope you had a great week, you deserve it 🙂

You: Thank you Joel. Hope you’ve been doing okay too

Joel: I’m tryin that’s for sure

The messages carried on much like that, one every few days, until they didn’t. You both started to get a bit more detail into messages after almost two weeks of just those small interactions between you two, and you found you didn’t really mind much at all.

Joel: Started a new season of Lover’s Paradise and I still don’t understand half of what these folks are saying or doing. Need a young people translator or something. This mean I’m really getting old?

You bite back a laugh at his message, kind of loving that he’s still watching Lover’s Paradise even if you two aren’t together.

You: Tell me which episode and I’ll help you out old man

Joel: Ouch… hitting me where it hurts.

You: Just can’t help myself 😂 you need my young eyes and ears on this one

Joel: Damn right I do. Alright, season eight. No rush, but also I’m totally lost so

You spend the next hour watching the first episode of season eight, not having seen this season before. You wished that Joel was right here next to you so you two could get back into the familiar banter you’d find yourselves in when watching the show. Instead, you text him a rundown of the major drama and encounters you figured he’d have asked you about if he were right here next to you. When you finish, you find that you haven’t stopped smiling nearly the entire hour you two live-texted the show together, and force yourself to frown.

You’re supposed to still be mad at him, right?

—

Joel: Weird question… but do you have my blue Astros shirt?

You: It’s possible…

You: Oh yeah I just found it actually, I think you left it here.

Joel: Or a known shirt thief stole it like some of my other clothes

You: Who are you calling a thief? Couldn’t be me?

Joel: Judging by the amount of my shirts that mysteriously went missing after I met you, I’d say the finger points itself

You: You have no proof!

You laugh again, and realize that shit, you think you just might be flirting with Joel again. You’re not sure if you should reign it in or let things just flow naturally the way they have been. You’re being reminded how much you love talking to him and how sweet and funny he can be with you. When he responds with a photo of you, sleeping in his bed, sprawled out with the covers kicked off, clad only in one of his Miller Contracting t-shirts and panties, you gasp.

Joel: Got some proof right here.

Joel: Couldn’t bring myself to delete it, I can if you want.

You: Literally gasped… can’t believe you took that.

You: And no, you keep it. But now I’m wondering how many more of those you have.

Joel: My camera roll did seem to fill up once my shirts started going missing. Weird coincidence

You: 😠 you’re dead, Miller

Joel: Like to see you try.

Your face hurts from smiling so long from reading and rereading the messages that you consider locking your phone away for the rest of the night.

—

You wake up one morning to a text from him one morning, time stamped at 12:43am and your eyes widen.

Joel: I'm thinking of you

Joel: Sorry if that’s me manipulating or something, read about all kinds of stuff online, but fuck I can’t stop thinking of you right now. Need you to know I miss you.

There was so much to unpack there that you spent the entire morning at work completely distracted by it. The most obvious thing, the elephant in the room, was the time. That late and you had to wonder if there was a specific reason he was thinking of you, and your thighs clamped together slightly at the thought of it. Shit, you missed his body so much, all the things he could do for you and to you. Not to mention the moments after, when you’d get your best talking done, just lay and gab to each other for ages sometimes, until one of you fell asleep. It had been so blissful, but you remind yourself those days are in the past.

You kept reading the message over and over, and the thing that stuck out the most was his comments about what he had been researching online. It almost made you laugh, how dad-like that was to be Googling and reading up on manipulation in relationships, or whatever the hell he’d gotten up to. On the other hand, it warmed your heart, showed he was trying to learn about himself, about his own baggage that had led to the way things ended with you two.

You’ve spent hours poring over the words, trying to decide how you should respond, or if you should at all. It was about to open a can of worms you weren’t sure you were ready for. And yet… you seemed unable to help yourself right now.

Fuck, I can’t stop thinking of you.

The words practically swim in front of your eyes while you try to get work done on your computer, taunting you and causing you to feel an ache between your legs that hasn’t made an appearance in quite a while. Maybe it was the loneliness, the missing Joel that influenced you right now, but you sigh, taking a deep breath before picking up your phone.

You: Thinking what about me?

Before you can debate it anymore, you press send, and your hands shake slightly as you toss your phone on your desk, not even wanting to know what the response will be due to your embarrassment. Did that seem too desperate? He was the one practically saying he was touching himself to the thought of you at 1:00 in the morning, so you decide to cut yourself some slack.

You wait impatiently, and thirty minutes later Joel’s response comes through and you feel your throat tighten when you read it.

Joel: Think you can guess…

You: Can I call you tonight?

Joel: Anytime

Now that it’s out in the universe, you have no room for regretting taking this step. You couldn’t help but feel for Joel these last few weeks when you saw how hard he was trying. Everything you’d talked about that last morning you saw him had cut deeper and deeper the more you thought about it. Sure, he messed up so badly that you were still angry about it, and he had more than his share of making up to do for it. But you missed the man you’d been with, and now this version of him was slightly tainted from the nearly perfect seeming boyfriend you’d found yourself with before. But you were finding that this tainted version of Joel wasn’t too bad, after all.

When it came down to it, Joel was scared. He was afraid of your love being too much, of being someone that wasn’t worth your time, love, and energy in the end. How could he think differently when the last time he had all of that, it blew up in his face? You’d known about it from passing mentions and a few times he shared some details of that breakup, but now that you saw the effects of that past relationship, you felt sorry for him. All you had wanted was to show him how much he could mean to you, and it had backfired for the both of you.

You think you’d always want Joel. Even if you hadn’t been texting these last few weeks, even if he’d never shown up at your apartment that night when you called him over and over, you’d still want him. You’d still… love him. And it made you angry that you couldn’t stop it, couldn’t un-feel it even with how much he’d hurt you.

But he was learning. He was on Google, looking up how to be better in a relationship, for Christ’s sake. Sure, it wasn’t therapy, but he was trying things in his own Joel way, and it made your heart wrench so hard in your chest it went right down to your stomach, making you feel sick half the time.

So yes, you wanted to hear his voice tonight. And as for anything that happened after he picked up your call…that was your own decisions to grapple with later.

Joel sits eagerly at home, the promise of hearing your voice on the other end of his phone tonight almost too much for him to bear.

He was trying to be restrained, trying to keep his messages short but cordial to you, just to let you know he still cared, trying to make up for things without suffocating you. But last night he hadn’t been able to help himself when he woke up from dreaming about you with a hard on that was practically painful from the minute he’d opened his eyes. As he was palming the front of his briefs, tracing the outline of himself in his hands, he’d reached for his phone and sent you the first message.

“Fuck,” he whimpered quietly to himself as his hand snaked into his briefs and wrapped it around his throbbing cock. He missed the way your soft hands felt around it so much, the way you’d giggle for him and moan and scream his name. It was all too much, the dream he’d just had about you had been too real.

Images of you riding him flashed through his mind as he began moving his hand up and down, collecting the precum leaking out of his tip and spreading it along his shaft. He felt like some dirty old man thinking of you, his significantly younger ex, and getting off on it while you lay sleeping at home and unaware of all of it. But he didn’t stop, couldn’t stop the flashes of you that kept invading his thoughts while he built up a steady pleasure in his core.

Your perfect ass passed through his thoughts next, memories of it bouncing pleasantly as he slammed his cock into you and left you in pieces, whimpering and crying out for him. Oh fuck, his hand was nothing like that perfect, tight pussy of yours, so lacking in comparison. Joel’s breathing quickened as he got close on every thought of you he could muster up before he groaned out, spilling warm ropes of cum into his fist and laying back to catch his breathing.

Fuck, he shouldn’t have done that. He’d been actively avoiding jerking off to you out of some private respect he was trying to give you, that it would somehow be crossing a line if he allowed himself pleasure at the thought of you after hurting you so badly.

After he washed his hands, cleaned up and got back into bed, he sent you the second message of the night, remembering all of the random relationship articles he’d been reading. It started last week, when he stumbled upon some relationship forum talking about control and age gaps in relationships and it had made his heart sink when he realized he actually really was part of the problem, despite how aware he’d thought he was being.

So here he was, trying to be mindful that that first message may have been too suggestive, trying too hard to get you back on his side by manipulating you in some way. He had to find some balance - he couldn’t think every single message he sent to you was some kind of tactic, but he did need to be mindful of giving you the space you seemed to want. Every reply you’d sent to him at first had been short and to the point, still friendly but trying not to get too close again, so he wanted to maintain that energy until, or if, you ever felt ready to go further. And lately, it had seemed like you were giving more and more of yourself in the conversations, sometimes texting him back throughout the entire day.

When you responded to his late night horned up messages while Joel was at work the next day, he nearly jumped out of his skin. He was starting to worry that he’d surely screwed up this new rhythm you two had found together, steadily building up a semblance of a friendship again, and had half expected you not to even respond.

Instead you’d taken his text and ran with it, your response only having one meaning behind it as far as he was concerned. Joel found himself tentatively excited when you’d even asked to call him tonight, wondering exactly what this would mean for you two.

He could barely focus the entire evening, sitting around trying to distract himself. It was fully possible you wouldn’t call, after all, maybe you’d decide against it, and rightfully so, he thinks with a twinge of sadness. He couldn’t expect that you were ready for that just yet. His phone rings around 8:00 and Joel half jumps up off the couch, scrambling to answer it with fumbling fingers.

“Hello?” he says, his voice rough as he clears his throat.

“Um. Hi,” your little voice comes through his speaker, sounding somewhat shy. Christ was it music to his ears, though, hearing just those two sounds from you.

“Hey,” Joel replies, “Wh-what’s goin’ on?”

“Nothing. I just… we haven’t talked in a while.”

“We talk pretty often, it seems,” Joel replies carefully. Not nearly often enough for him, but he’s been taking what he can get, what he feels is appropriate right now.

“I guess. Just thought I should hear your voice,” you say back, your voice slightly raspy with that end of the day tone that Joel has always adored.

Joel chuckles a little bit. “That so? Well it’s nice to hear yours.”

“You too…” you reply, trailing off into a somewhat awkward silence. “What’re you doing?”

“Watchin’ TV. Waitin’ for you to call, mostly,” Joel replies nonchalantly, having no shame in admitting just how eagerly he’d been awaiting you.

“Really? I hope I didn’t keep you waiting. I wasn’t sure if I was gonna… I went back and forth.”

“No no, s’okay. Wanted you to call only if you wanted to do it. Don’t get me wrong, glad you did, but if you’re not sure about all of it, s’okay.”

“I don’t know, I’m just nervous. I don’t want to get hurt,” you reply, unsure of how to explain the myriad of fucked up feelings that have been plaguing you recently. You’d let Joel back in just enough to feel deeply for him once again, and felt like you were risking everything for it. You didn’t think you could survive going through what he put you through another time, so you wanted to be sure this time that he’d stick around.

“I know, s’the last thing I want, too,” Joel says, musing on your words. “Hope you trust it’s just a phone call, nothin’ more. We’re just talkin’, no pressure. Can hang up whenever you want, in fact, and I won’t be offended,” Joel says, and you can hear that he’s nervous, that he wants to say all the right things to you so badly. “Well, maybe a little bit offended but don’t worry ‘bout that,” he adds with a light hearted chuckle.

You laugh a little, Joel’s reassuring words right now easing some of your tension. “Thanks. Just a phone call, then.”

Joel nods, giving an “mhm” into the phone for you. “So, what have you been doin’? Besides waitin’ to call me,” he asks with a playful hint in his tone.

You lay on your bed, fiddling with your hands anxiously as you crush your phone in between your shoulder and cheek. “Nothing really… just at home after work, made some dinner, the usual stuff. I…er-” you say, unsure really of what you expected from this phone call, but it wasn’t this. The way you keep trailing off suggests to Joel, being no stranger to you, that you have more to say.

“What is it, huh? You seem like you gotta say somethin’.”

“Okay, fine. Your texts… last night.”

Joel freezes up a little, feeling a slight wave of shame washing over him for what he’d done. That maybe you’d instantly realized the exact context of the messages - it wasn’t like it wasn’t obvious if you had half a brain.

“Right. Sorry ‘bout that. Was just one of those nights, y’know? Really shouldn’t’ve made things weird like that.”

“Yeah no, it’s okay, I uh, didn’t mind it.”

“Oh,” Joel says quietly, the realization fully hitting him now. The beginnings of an excited smirk pull on his face. “Did you like knowin’ I was thinkin’ of you?”

“I- I think I did,” you say simply, your voice seeming to unintentionally go down an octave. “I liked it. I mean I think of you too, seems only natural.”

Joel feels relief and too many other emotions to even begin to name at your response. His heartbeat quickens with the possibilities before you two right now, and if they’re heading in the direction he thinks it might, he worries he’s in trouble now. Once he starts down that road again, how could he ever go back?

“Why so late, huh? When you thought about me?” you ask him, silently cursing yourself for being unable to help the words coming out of your mouth right now. You know what this is leading to, but you’re not entirely thinking with your head at the moment.

“Couldn’t sleep. Woke up, actually, from a dream.” Joel wants to divulge everything, all the dirty little details of what you two had been doing in his sleep, but he wants to make sure you feel in control of the conversation more than he is, that this is really what you want.

“About me?” you ask, your eyebrows raising.

“‘Course it was, why else would I text ya,” Joel says with a chuckle.

“I dream about you too… it always feels good but kind of sad, too. Like you’re right there with me, and it’s amazing, and then...” You’re finding it easy to be so open with the phone between you two - you don’t know that you’d have the guts to say any of this to Joel’s face if he were here.

“Oh, honey… I’m sorry,” Joel replies sympathetically, his voice softer.

“I shouldn’t even wish you were here when that happens, but I do, you know.”

“I do too, it’s okay,” Joel says quietly, a soft confidence in his words.

“Joel…”

“Hmm?”

“Will you tell me about your dream?”

“Honey… you really want to do this? You know this is different from the way we’ve been talkin’ lately.” Joel licks his hips nervously before pulling them into his mouth, awaiting your response.

“Yes…” you breathe out quietly. “I do.”

“You’re sure?” Joel asks, desperately hoping you two aren’t making a mistake right now. You’re not sure if you’re sure, you’re not sure of a damn thing right now other than the fact that you miss Joel fucking Miller.

“Yes, please Joel, I need you right now, haven’t stopped thinking all day about it,” you tell him, and you hear a sharp hiss through Joel’s teeth over your phone speaker.

That was all Joel needed to hear to fold completely, the fact that you needed him in any way felt like a miracle. Fuck, it got his cock hard immediately just to hear those words from you.

“Okay, baby, let’s start out nice and slow, then.” He shifts his weight on the couch, sitting back and relaxing into the cushions. You don’t answer, simply waiting for his next words with baited breath. “Tell me what you’re wearing,” Joel says, his breathing already ramping up into the receiver.

“Okay, corny ass,” you tease, and he scoffs.

“We don’t have to do this y’know, if you’re gonna be too busy bustin’ my balls,” Joel replies.

“N-n-no, sorry, sorry,” you say, trying to contain your laughter. How did it suddenly get to the point where you feel silly and almost self conscious doing any of this type of stuff with Joel?

“Now, tell me what you’ve got on, so I can picture ya,” Joel says, trying again.

“Okay. It’s those purple silky PJ shorts, you know the ones… and a little white t shirt with flowers on it.”

“How little we talkin’?” Joel asks, his curiosity piqued. He knows exactly which shorts you’re describing, he’s seen them many times and absolutely dies to see the way they hug your sweet, perfect ass. But the shirt is a mystery to him, never having seen that one before.

“Very. Think you’d like it, like everything you can see through it.”

Joel’s groan fills your ear through the phone and your breath bitches as you feel the space between your thighs begin a full ache at hearing the sound from him.

“Sounds so sexy, baby, can picture it now.”

“W-what about you? I want to picture you too.”

“I’m sitting on the couch, uh, got no shirt on and just my house shorts,” he says, and you smirk a little, knowing which bottoms he’s referring to. You would tease him often about how well you could see the outline of his dick in them, but you’d never minded the view one bit.

“Hot,” you tease, wiggling your eyebrows even though Joel can’t see them.

“Wish I could take all of it off of ya,” Joel says.

“Trying to get me naked, Miller?”

“I sure as hell would be, if I was there.”

You smile, clutching the phone tightly and licking your lips in anticipation. You don’t feel completely confident about any of this, but you’re following your stupid, fucked up gut right now and this is the road it’s leading you down.

“So… your dream,” you remind him.

“Uh, alright. I mean, it was real nice. Came up to me and sat on my lap, kissin’ my neck. Felt so good like you always do, baby. Fuck, when you started grinding on me…” Joel trails off, lost between the real life memories and his recent dream.

“Mhm, always feels so good,” you murmur out, already getting quickly absorbed in his words. “Love doing that.” You let a little smile onto your face as you think of it.

“Then… well, we…”

“Joel, when have you ever been shy about this stuff?” you interrupt his stuttering.

“Dunno, since I’m not sure where things stand, I guess. Just don’t want to go too far.” He slides a hand across his chin through his beard nervously.

“It’s okay, I want to hear it…. wanna hear you say what you did to me,” you tell him.

Joel seems to get a sudden resolve, and you can practically hear it hardening over the phone as he decides to go as fully in on this as you seem to want him to.

“‘Alright then… I fuckin’ tore your little dress off of you, had you flipped onto the couch and fucked you so hard, baby, just like I know you like. Fuckin’ that little pussy until you were cryin’ out f‘me.”

You let out a small gasp at his words, practically being able to feel the sensation he’s talking about, his cock so deep inside of you at an angle like that. “Fuck…” you breathe out quietly, feeling your thighs clamping together.

“You came so loud for me in the dream, missed hearin’ that sound. Missed everythin’ about ya,” Joel muses. “Wish I could show you right now.”

“You wish you were here with me?” you ask.

“‘Course I do,” Joel says plainly, like he’s wished for it every single moment of every day since you two have been apart.

“W-what would you do to me first? I wanna pretend you’re here,” you ask hesitantly.

“What to do with such a beautiful girl…” Joel says with a little sly chuckle. “First I’d wanna give your perfect tits some attention, baby. Can you do that for me? Play with your tits for me?”

“Mhm,” you moan quietly as you cup one of your breasts through your shirt, thumbing at your already hardened nipple through the fabric. A quiet sound escapes you and you arch your hips a little into the sensation.

“Good, I can hear ya enjoying that, sounds so good, sweetheart.”

“Touch yourself too, Joel,” you say hastily, your breathing already starting to get more erratic with want.

“I will, don’t you worry. Right now’s about you,” he says, trying to hold back some of the eagerness in his voice. This is all like a dream right now, the way you’re responding to him and willing to do this.

You continue touching your chest, squirming with delight and desire and waiting for what Joel has in store for you next, whining out impatiently.

“You gettin’ wet right now, hm? Why don’t you just check for me, lemme know what you feel,” Joel says.

You slide your hand into your shorts, gasping slightly at the touch in your oversensitive, aroused state. When your fingers swipe through your slit to your entrance, you’re practically dripping out already, the anticipation all day from Joel’s texts having done you in completely.

“Fuck, I’m so wet, Joel, I need… I need…” you gasp out as your fingers rub against your needy clit.

“Tell me, c’mon, angel, you can tell me,” Joel coos, urging you on.

“Need your cock,” you whimper, picturing the girthy length of him you’d gotten to shatter your world so many times.

“I know, I know,” Joel says soothingly. He wishes he could run his hand over your hair right now, smooth it down and make you feel better in so many ways. “Gonna have to pretend for now. Go on and use your fingers on yourself.”

“O-okay,” you breathe out, starting to move your fingers, rubbing them slowly in circles around your clit. You exhale with a little moan, thinking about how long needed this has been for you. The times you’ve felt up for touching yourself recently it often left you feeling a little sad after, hating yourself for how much you missed Joel’s touch. But this… this was already miles better.

“Feels so good, Joel, yeah,” you say quietly, losing yourself in the pleasure.

“Yeah? Bet it does, baby. Put your fingers inside, lemme know how that is. Wanna hear everything.”

“Oh,” you moan out as you plunge two of your fingers inside, pumping them a few times to get them as deep as they’ll go before retreating them and repeating it over and over. “Joel…”

“I’m right here, honey, keep on goin, doin’ so good,” Joel praises. “You got those fingers in there just the way you like ‘em?”

“I- I do, God, Joel, I miss your fucking fingers, I c-can’t do what they do.”

“I know, baby. My big fingers fill you up so good don’t they?”

“Mhmmm,” you moan out, continuing to fuck yourself a little faster with your fingers. “Can I touch my clit now, too? Tell me,” you say airily, your pleasure steadily building from touching that spongy spot deep inside of you.

“Do it, rub that little clit, probably aching so bad f’me right now.” Joel lets out a pained groan of his own when you start to moan louder.

“F-fuck, can’t wait any longer, gotta touch myself too,” he adds, to which you give an encouraging little whimper for him. He pulls his cock out from his shorts where it’s been throbbing, aching, and dripping for you. He gathers the bit of precum leaking out of his head and rubs it along his shaft, letting out a small hiss. Hearing the sounds you’re making, even over the phone, has him practically going feral with need, and he can’t wait another second to start finding some relief.

“Please. Wanna come together, Joel.”

“Okay, we’ll make it happen. Keep touchin’ that pretty pussy for me, don’t stop,” Joel says urgently, and as he lets out a small whimper, you can only assume means he’s starting stroking himself with the same urgent energy.

“I’m s-so close already, thinking of you,” you say, fingers moving faster as you keep your phone balanced on your shoulder while you bring your other hand down to rub your clit rapidly, your climax building up quickly in your core, swirling warm and tingly deep inside of you.

“Me too, so fuckin’ close, could make me come in a second flat with those pretty little noises you make,” Joel says huskily, and you think you can hear the sloppy sounds of flesh slapping on flesh from his end of the phone. It makes things even hotter for you, only intensifies your pleasure that he’s so undone for you right now.

“Fuck, I- I’m coming Joel,” you manage to stutter out before your clench around your fingers, your cunt pulling them in tight where they’re brushing against your g-spot still as your other hand rapidly and desperately rubs your clit through the waves of your climax. This release feels so damn needed right now, it feels like it’s going on for ages in the best way, spark after spark skittering across your skin as your entire body arches up into your hands. You’re moaning loudly, barely hearing Joel’s nearly pained sounding grunts on the other end.

“I’m comin’ too, baby, yes, f-fuck,” Joel groans out while you’re in the midst of crying out, and he comes hard into his hand, so much better than the high he’d had last night. Knowing you were right there on the other end, getting off on your memories of being with him was fucking Joel up hard. He slumps back on the couch, breathing heavily as you feel yourself start to come back down to reality.

“Mmm,” you murmur quietly into the phone as your entire body relaxes onto your bed. “Needed that,” you say dazedly, half forgetting that what just happened was with Joel, someone you weren’t even certain you should be doing this with.

“You did so perfect, honey, such a good girl,” Joel says lazily before you fall into silence, the both of you just breathing into the receiver for a few moments. You’re starting to feel a crushing guilt weigh on your chest now that you’re fully coming back down from the high that has been Joel, and you wince a little.

“Shit, Joel… was this stupid of us?” you ask him suddenly into the silence.

“Probably, honestly,” he says with a chuckle, not seeming to realize the mini crisis you’re starting to have on the other end. “But if you feel okay, I feel okay.”

“I dunno what I feel, now. I- I - shit…” Your thoughts are swirling through your head, full of both regret and joy, the two living together and battling it out for which one will lead your next decision.

“Take your time, s’okay. That was a lot. Made me feel a little unsure of myself, too,” Joel replies, clearly having sobered up at your tone.

“It did? You never feel that way… doing this stuff,”

“Different this time cause… well, I know I didn’t deserve it,” Joel says sullenly, and your eyebrows pinch together tighter as you consider his words. Joel isn’t one for self deprecating talk, typically, especially when it comes to intimacy. You’re feeling a little pull to comfort him, unsure if like he said, he deserves it. Shit, you’re a mess.

“N-no, it’s not that, I wouldn’t have called you if I wasn’t ready, but now I…” you stutter out, losing your words.

“Not so sure now, right?” Joel asks sympathetically, and you sigh, long and drawn out.

“I just give in too easily to you, Joel. You hurt me so badly, and here I am, calling you like this, letting you call me baby and all that shit, fucking myself to your voice, when you didn’t talk to me… like none of it even mattered to you! I shouldn’t have done this, I shouldn’t have…” you shake your head, swiping a hand across your face and through your hair in frustration. Apparently tonight the regret is winning, you think irritatedly.

“What do you need from me? Y’know I’m never gonna say I regret doin’ this tonight. But I know I have more makin’ up to do to you than one phone call, that’s for damn sure. Regret every minute I spent bein’ a stubborn asshole thinkin’ I was doin’ right by you if I just ignored it, let you move on.” Joel lets out a breath and clutches the phone against his ear, desperate to be closer to you. “J-just tell me how I can make it okay for you, honey. Y’know I’ll do anythin’… anythin’ at all if it means you’re okay. Don’t care what it means for me, just can’t stand hearin’ you hurtin’ anymore because of me.” Joel’s voice cracks throughout his speech, desperate words flying out of his mouth to try to comfort you. He’s always seemed like a problem solver to you, the one who immediately needs to get to work, to solve things right away, but you both know this isn’t one of those cases.

Your breathing steadies a little, finding you’re calming down at his words. “Maybe let’s slow it down a little. This kind of freaked me out,” you say, “I can see you’re trying really hard Joel, I do see it, but is it for real, you know? Or is it just some way to ease your conscience?”

“My conscience’ll be wrecked no matter what, darlin’, so honestly that’s out of the question. Wrecked it for good the minute I walked out your door. All I want now is to do right by ya, whatever that means. Show I’m more than that one stupid fuckin’ night. I can do slow, if that’s what you need,” Joel says, and while you do believe it, your relationship never did anything remotely slow, you think nearly with a laugh.

“You’re more than that night, Joel, I’ve always known that,” you say, taking a pause for the words to sink in “But slow, yeah, slow sounds good for right now.”

A few weeks later, you and Joel have reverted back to your texting relationship, with a few phone calls sprinkled in, and you’re not even sure what you’re doing anymore at this point. You’ve never felt more confused or conflicted about anything in your life. There’s a part of you that wonders if giving in and telling Joel you want to try things again would be sacrificing whatever self respect you have left. But he’s admitted more than anyone that it was a huge mistake, and has shown he regrets it time and time again. He’s been consistent, not pushing you right now to go further than you want, to give more than you can. It’s all very unlike Joel, who loved to be in control of your relationship before, of the way you two behaved together. From the start, he was always the one guiding you, teaching you about so many new, wonderful things.

It had to be killing him, that he didn’t have that right now. That everything was on your terms. But he stayed patient and kind, responding to your messages always with the same energy, always open to going only as far as you wanted to take things on the phone together.

He was trying so damn hard, and that made it so damn hard for you to resist what you knew was inevitably coming.

You’re musing on all of this as you drive to your parents’ house one evening to have dinner with them. You haven’t spent nearly as much time with them as you normally would, but they’ve been understanding given everything you have going on. It doesn’t help that their next door neighbor was someone you’d tried to avoid seeing for a while, and even now that things are moving in a good direction, you don’t know if you can handle unexpected run-ins with him just yet. You need your decision to be final the next time you see Joel in person.

Your parents have been kept as up to date on things as you’ve been comfortable sharing, and have been nice enough to come your way most of the time, or meet you out for dinner somewhere so you could actively avoid Joel. You knew they had a lot to say about it but they were holding their tongues for the most part. They had mostly expressed that while they didn’t love how hurt you’d been, they knew you were smart enough to make decisions on your relationship with Joel going forward. It was nice to hear they trusted your intuition, when you weren’t even sure you trusted it yourself right now.

When you’re on your way to your car after visiting with your parents for a few hours, you steal a quick glance at Joel’s house, feeling the temptation to go knock on his door creep up. He doesn’t even know you’re so nearby, and you’d hoped he didn’t happen to notice your car parked outside. You realize how pathetic it is, how much you’re avoiding Joel right now, but you know deep inside yourself that the only reason you are is because you know the minute he’s in your eyesight, you’re going to lose all control. All your logical thoughts and wishes to build things slowly will go out the window, and you’ll end up back in his bed, wondering if it was the right choice.

You hear someone call out your name as you’re walking to your car, lost in these thoughts, and you whirl around to see Tommy walking to his own truck, parked on the street outside of Joel’s house.

“Oh, hey, Tommy. It’s been a while,” you say genially. He opens his arms wide for a hug, and you find you don’t mind it at all, settling in between his arms for a quick, tight squeeze.

“Sure has, how you been?” Tommy asks you, with a slightly sad, knowing look in his eyes. You swallow hard, unsure of where to begin on that answer, but you find yourself wanting to answer simply.

“Honestly… I’m alright. Well, just okay,” you admit to him.

Tommy nods understandingly, but before he can comment on the status of things between you and Joel, you butt in again.

“Hey, how’s… Maria, right? Are you two still seeing each other?” You’d remembered hearing about a few dates Tommy had gone on while you and Joel were still together, and the look on his face had told you just how smitted he was with the women. He lets out a little chuckle and his smile grows almost automatically at your question.”

“Yes ma’am, she’s good as ever. Thanks for rememberin’.” He shoots you a grateful look and you smile back.

“Listen -” he cuts in before you can switch topics again. Your face falls, his tone telling you this isn’t about to be pleasant to hear.

“I know this ain’t your responsibility, necessarily. But it’s Joel’s birthday on Friday. We’re all takin’ him out after work, the usual spot, Murray’s, you know the one. I think it’d mean a lot if you came.”

Your eyes widen and you feel your breathing go a little unsteady. “I- I - don’t know about that. I haven’t seen him in…” You crinkle your brown, trying to think of how long ago that had been when Joel was sitting in your living room, pouring his heart out to you. It feels like a lifetime ago, now.

“Not one for beggin’, usually, but please think about it. I shouldn’t even say, but sweetheart, he’s miserable right now. You ain’t seen him the way I have. He’s practically sick over this, pouring over everything he says to ya, every memory, everything he could’ve changed. Can tell he’s in his head and he’s a fuckin’ mess.” Tommy’s eyes peer off past you in the distance while he shakes his head. “He told me some, not everything, and ya should be mad at my prick of a brother, but I know he’s tryin’.”

You let out an exasperated chuckle. “He is trying, I know. I see it, Tommy. Thank you for telling me all of that, it’s hard to see what he’s going through, exactly, I guess. Only showing me what he can over text, you know?”

“I know, he’s stubborn like that. Doesn’t want you to feel any pressure, he’s said that much. So unlike him,” Tommy muses with a little smile.

“I’ll uh, I’ll think about Friday,” you tell him, deciding you owe it to both of them to at least consider the possibility of showing up for Joel’s birthday.

Tommy lights up a little, a small smile curling his lips upwards. “Thank you, sweetie. Just even considerin’ it, big step in my book. Appreciate you hearin’ me out.”

“Of course, anything for my favorite Miller brother,” you tease, and Tommy gives you a little howl of laughter, his cheeks reddening.

“Never lettin’ that one get back to Joel if I know what’s good for me,” he replies, putting his hands on his hips. “I’ll let ya go, but see ya Friday… maybe?”

“See you, Tommy,” you say before turning and making your way back to your car. You sit with your lips twisted to the side, thinking over what Tommy had said for a few minutes before starting your car.

You had a few days to think on your decision, and truthfully, you had already gotten Joel a birthday gift. A few weeks ago, you’d seen the perfect thing for him and couldn’t resist buying it, and the fact that his birthday was coming just happened to be great timing. You didn’t have a plan on when you’d give it to him, but Tommy’s offer had given you a reason and a little push to maybe finally take that leap. You knew it would be important for Joel that you show up that night.

When Friday night rolls around, you’re a nervous wreck. You’ve had several days to think, and you’re still landing somewhere on the unsure side of things, and you start to think that maybe you never would be sure when it came to seeing Joel after so long apart. As if on autopilot, you grab your keys and get in your car, flying down the highway before you can even second guess yourself and turn around.

Just keep driving, you assure yourself over and over. You can always decide along the way how you want to go about it, picture the hundreds of different ways this could go tonight, the thought of what you might say to Joel when you finally look him in the eyes.

You pull into the parking lot of Murray’s, the bar that Joel and his crew frequent after work, and find that no matter how hard you try, you can’t make yourself get out of the car. You watch the now darkening sky change past the bar, shrouding the exterior as the glow of the lights from inside spill out. You can’t see much through the bar’s windows, but you know he’s in there, hopefully having a great time. You worry at your lip with the opposite thought coming to mind - that Joel is sitting there waiting for you the entire night, hoping you’ll walk through the door. The thought nearly feels conceited, too self assured, so you push it away, willing that he’s having a nice time with his brother and friends. You just don’t think you can be a part of it.

You can’t just walk into a room full of people that know him, maybe even know who you are too, and try to settle things between you and Joel. It just doesn’t feel fair to either of you to make such an uncomfortable situation when he’s just trying to celebrate his birthday. You nod quickly to yourself as you make your decision, pulling the car out of the parking lot, but instead of making the turn to head back home, you go the opposite way, towards Joel’s house, once again doing it before you can think too hard about the decision.

You step out into the cooler, late September air once you park at Joel’s place, settling yourself on one of the wicker chairs Joel has on his front porch. You might be batshit crazy, waiting for him in the dark like this, but you don’t care anymore. You’re consumed by the thought of Joel coming home, finding you here waiting for him, kissing you until your lips are puffy and raw and in between your legs is aching for him. You can’t deny it any longer - you were meant to be with this man, and you’re ready, more than ready to start putting the past behind you. To try again. Even with the possibility of hurt looming again, you’ll risk it for him. You can only hope he still feels the same way.

The night stretches on, and you’re starting to wonder if this idea really is stupid, when headlights come down the street and a car stops in front of Joel’s house. Through the shadows cast by the streetlamps, you see Joel’s broad form exiting the car, and hear a faint goodbye from him as he shuts the door. You can’t gauge his mood from just his outline or the way he’s walking, and he doesn’t even seem to be that drunk if his steady gait is any indication.

You swallow hard, a nervous pit growing in your stomach as he walks up the driveway and onto the path that leads to his porch. His keys jangle while he searches for the right one for the front door, and you panic that he hasn’t noticed you sitting here yet. You shift a little in your seat, gearing up to speak to him, which gets his attention. He jerks his head in your direction, but freezes when he sees as much of you as he can through the dark, and you know he recognizes that it’s you from the look in his dark eyes.

You clear your throat, putting on your best smile for him.

“Hey stranger…” you say quietly. “Happy birthday.”

taglist: @paleidiot @mumma-moonchild @soph55 @chicville03 @joelsversion @feliciab1990 @fellinfromthetop @gossipgirl-03 @sarap-77 @blueseastorm @akah565 @pattwtf @scarlettthefierce

sorry if ur tag doesn't work idk why tumblr is like thisssss

#fic: closer #joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal character fanfiction

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namis-gf · 3 months

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Hii can I get Robin x Reader, where Robin wakes up from a nightmare and reader comforts her? I'd imagine it's set after Enies Lobby

ANON ILY THIS IS SUCH A GOOD REQUEST!!! i was kicking my feet and giggling while writing cause robin is best girl ever and hurt/comfort is my jam

summary: fem!reader and robin sharing a bed for the first time after everything that went down in water 7/enies lobby. for context, reader worked for sir crocodile in alabasta and robin took her along when she boarded the merry (but she was unaware of robin working with the government)

word count: 812 words / 0.8k

cw: none!

there are three beds now, in the girls' cabin on the sunny. you aren't sure if you're relieved or disappointed. the shipwright luffy picked - franky is his name, you think - had done a headcount of every member of the crew before getting to work.

the gulf between each bed feels even larger at night. for the first few nights back at sea, you can hear soft, heart-wrenching noises from across the room. your heart sinks into your stomach from the guilt, making you almost nauseous, but you can't work up the courage to get up and check on her.

robin had lied to you.

yes, you know she'd done it for the greater good. yes, you know she didn't mean any harm by keeping you in the dark. but nico robin has been by your side for as long as you can remember, on the sea and in the scorching sands of alabasta. she was there in your worst and weakest moments, and you cherish her. part of you wishfully thought that she too, felt as though she could confide in you just as equally.

she's crying again tonight. robin has always had issues with sleep, though she used to be much more cryptic and closed off about the origin of the problem. sometimes, back in your homeland, she would crawl into your bed after night-watch. never touching you directly, but her presence was warm and comforting.

you get to your feet and slip past a sleeping nami, heading toward the bed farthest from the door and shrouded in darkness. by the time you attempt to make an awkward approach, she is already awake and silently watching.

"i missed you," you whisper quietly, extending the olive branch.

before you can try and come up with something else to say, two hands brusquely push against your back. the motion sends you falling forwards, a familiar laugh and the scent of flowers awaiting. she pulls you close, your face red red red from embarrassment.

"it was about time you came to check on me," robin hums, an errant hand summoned by the devil fruit's magic combing through your hair. "one would almost think you were angry."

"i'm not angry," you grumble. "i was worried. for a smartypants, you've been making real stupid decisions of late. that new captain must be a bad influence."

"it wasn't stupid," she replies, sounding lost in thought. "i did what i had to do. if it came down to it, i was ready to go."

"that's the fucking problem! you convinced yourself you were ready, and-"

"i wanted to live, yes."

"well thank god," you huff indignantly, rolling over so you can face her properly. "i would've been pissed if you dragged me all this way just to go and die like a loser."

she chuckles again, the sound music to your ears. "what was it, mr. 0 used to say all the time? right, yes. we don't lose."

"and die winners?" you finish the familiar saying, "he was always so full of shit. the hell does that even mean? If you're dead, you lose. game over."

robin's breath seems to be evening out, and the throes of sleep are working to snare you too. but you came here for a reason, and you won't just let her ignore the problem any longer. "what were you dreaming about?"

"oh, i don't know," she says, flippant. if you could make out her face in the dark, you're sure she'd be smiling at your imminent frustration. "i never really remember my dreams."

“ever?" you echo disbelievingly, "that's nuts. just yesterday i woke up from an awful nightmare about the captain trying to boil my hair like spaghetti."

"sounds yummy," she presses close to you, now, and her two real arms circle around your shoulders. "but i'm afraid my dreams are top secret, frontier agent miss thursday."

"don't pull that garbage rank on me! you know i'm worth more than... eleventh," you say the last word with enough distaste that robin starts giggling again.

"no offence," robin says, in the voice that means she's about to be totally mean. "but i think your former rank had more to do with uh- how do i put it- your tendency to dispose of your partners."

“it's not my fault he was a dummy and couldn't defend himself," you argue back, mostly for the fun of it. "i really think they underestimated my grand potential."

"well that's why i took you with me, of course," she soothes, and you laugh a little yourself at the insincerity. "i'm serious though, i sleep better with you around. so you are hereby forbidden to leave."

"aye," you snort, raising a wobbly arm in mock salute. nico robin may be a total mystery, but you were raised persistent. and persist you fucking will, until she lets you into her heart.

#one piece #one piece x reader #nico robin x reader #nico robin #requests open #fem!reader #nico robin x fem!reader #baroque works

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misskattylashes · 8 months

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The story of Milex in Arctic Monkeys albums

Whatever People Say I Am That’s What I'm Not

I'm a normal lad going out and getting off with girls, but fuck I really fancy the guitarist with The Little Flames.....and he's a boy (Probably Couldn’t See For The Lights)

Favourite Worst Nightmare

I have a massive crush on my best friend and I'm only happy when I’m with him, even though I fuck things up a bit. (505)

Humbug

Shit! I’m in love with my best friend and we've slept together and it was the most amazing thing ever but I’m famous now, with a famous girlfriend and I have to pretend to be straight, even though I look like a beautiful girl myself (My Propeller, Fire and The Thud, Potion Approaching, Jeweller’s Hands)

Suck It And See

I’m straight! I’m straight! I’m straight! Look America I’m straight! (Every song on SIAS)

I can't help it, I’m still in love with my best friend but he is a commitment-phobe and keeps breaking my heart and on top of this I am now a heartthrob and we have to keep it all secret (Do I Wanna Know, Fireside, I Wanna Be Yours)

Tranquillity Base Hotel and Casino

I’ve been on tour with my best friend and he suddenly realised he’s madly in love with me too, but I had too much to lose if I sacrificed my career for him, and he changes his mind again so we can’t be together even though I’m still madly in love with him too (Star Treatment, Golden Trunks, The Ultracheese)

The Car

I’m still madly in love with my best friend, it broke my heart when we split up, but I offered an olive branch for us to be friends again, and who knows one day we might be able to live the life we want (There’d Better Be A Mirrorball, Jet Skis on the Moat, Sculptures of Anything Goes, Hello You)*

*And hopefully one day he will release album telling me he still loves me and wants to make a go of things. He just needs to work on his commitment issues.

#basically most of his songs are about Miles #doesn’t anyone ever wonder why he sings so much about deception?#alex turner #milex #miles kane #arctic monkeys

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forestshadow-wolf · 4 months

Text

dancing and the dreaming by john Powell

That one scene from httyd 2 except it's soap ghost.

Ghost had never wanted to hurt dragons, he'd never thought they were hateful creatures. But then one of them broke into their house, and he feared tue worst for their daughter. But there was a moment, just one, and he realized it wasn't trying to hurt her.

Soap arrived still panicked and filled with adrenaline, he threw his axe at it without a second thought, moving more on instinct than intention. It wasn't his fault, and Ghost would never blame him.

But he knows Soap blames himself for the way the dragon truned tail and ran, but only after scooping Ghost up in its talons.

Surprisingly enough, the dragon didn't take him somewhere remote to eat him. No, it took him to some sort of... sanctuary, a place where the dragons lived. He wanted to go back, he wanted to make the dragon take him back. But then he thought that maybe not all dragons are liek this one, maybe she's safer with Soap on an island of vikings who are willing to do what needs to be done to protect without hesitation. So he stayed.

And years and years later. Nearly 2 decades, and he's saving a young lady from dragon hunters.

It's not until later, when he gets a closer look that he recognizes those heterochromatic blue and umber eyes, and the little beauty mark on the tip of her left ear that he can still remember kissing every night before bed, once upon a time ago.

And then he's gone off to find supper and when he comes back...

Soap. Standing there stock still, just staring at him. And he can't quite tell what it means, can't quite see what's behind the devastation in those eyes. It's been too long since he's seen Soap. Perhaps he'd know what was in those beautiful blue eyes if only he'd been there for all those years.

He looks good. Older, more grizzled, more tired. His beard's grown long, and braided. His hair, longer as well, but still the iconic short sides. And ghost thinks he falls in love all over again. But he left, he was taken and he chose to stay gone. And he's sure that soap must be furious with him. For leaving him alone with their daughter to take care of, and an entire village to run. For staying gone. And he says as much, shouts it.

And soap, ever the gentle soul, forgives him. Forgives him like he never blamed him, like he's never hated him. Like he loves him, like he still loves him.

He's still not sure what to think in the tense, too quiet atmosphere. It used to be so loud and lively, never a quiet moment. Not with soap around, at least. Except now it was.

He's getting water for the stew when he feels soap at his back. Humming a melody he'd long (not) forgotten. An olive branch. A peace offering.

I'll swim and sail on savage seas With ne'er a fear of drowning And gladly ride the waves of life If you will marry me No scorching sun nor freezing cold Will stop me on my journey, sorry If you will promise me your heart

He reaches for it, but he can't find his voice. He feels his gaze on him as it wavers, as soap looks at him for any sign of the past and gets nothing. Won't get anything with Ghost's back to him, he seems to realize it as his head fully sinks under the water.

And love...

And finally Ghost finds that handhold he was looking so desperately for. He throws out a life raft for him.

And love me for eternity My dearest one, my darling dear Your mighty words astound me But I've no need for mighty deeds When I feel your arms around me

And suddenly he's alive, and soap is letting out that beautiful laugh, that he's always loved.

But I would bring you rings of gold I'd even sing you poetry (oh, would you?) And I would keep you from all harm If you would stay beside me

And he can almost physically feel as something he didn't know was broken heals inside of him.

I have no use for rings of gold I care not for your poetry I only want your hand to hold

I only want you near me

And suddenly they're both laughing, and dancing. Just like old times, it's like he'd never left. Or maybe it is, but maybe it's okay, maybe it'll be okay.

To love and kiss to sweetly hold For the dancing and the dreaming Through all life's sorrows and delights I'll keep your laugh inside me I'll swim and sail a savage seas With ne'er a fear of drowning And gladly ride the waves so life And you will marry me

And all is right with the world. He has his husband and their daughter, and they have him. And they're happy and together and they have the most beautiful laughs that he never wants to not hear.

#For the Dancing and the Dreaming #httyd 2 #cod au #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soapghost #ghostsoap #call of duty #cod #cod mw2 #el rambles

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emhasthoughts · 6 months

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Gertrude and the cat-avatars

Summary: Gertrude let one cat in. Said cat has a habit of bringing in other cats.

A/N: During @dcartcorner's stream the topic of avatars as cats came up and I decided to write a little something for it. I have another part with the Distortions that might be posted later. Also worth noting: I do not own a cat, never have, I'm horrible with cat breeds, so I've tried to describe Simon/Peter/Elias through this art and Mike's look is taken from this

Lastly: Not beta read by someone else, just me and my lil google document.

Pt 1, You're here! / Pt 2, Michael and Helen Distortion, Agnes / Pt 3, Annabelle, Jude, Oliver / Pt 4, John, Jane, Maxwell, Manuela / Pt 5, Jon, Martin, Sasha, Tim / Pt 6, Melanie, Daisy, Basira, Georgie / Pt 7, Jared, Gerry, Nikola / Bonus, a visit to the vet / Halloween bonus!

Simon was the first cat she actually adopted. It had been one of her coworkers who had wanted to get rid of him due to their financial situation and asked Gertrude about it. Claiming that he was old and an inside cat, easy to take care of. She had agreed. Thinking it would be easy and that, in the worst case, Simon would not live for long after getting him. She could not have been more wrong.

Sometimes he could have passed as a kitten. Rather small for what he was meant to be, thin despite the amount of food he ate, his gray fur was not fluffy enough to hide how thin he could look. Despite it all, the veterinarian had claimed him healthy. He was also not that much of an indoor cat. Sometimes, whenever he felt like it, he would wander out of the house, sometimes gone for days. Gertrude did not mind it that much. He was a rather loud and talkative cat after all.

Simon also had a habit of getting more cats to her doorstep.

One day she opened the door to see small Simon standing proudly in the middle of two new cats. One looked nearly ridiculous next to him. Light beige and at least three times bigger and fluffier, with yellow eyes that sort of made it look like he did not want to be there. To the other side was a mainly brown cat, who seemed to be in a perfect middle of size and fluff. A bit of white around the eyes, nose, stomach and paws. He looked at her with judgemental green eyes and for a moment she worried if a cat could actually see into someone’s soul. Since they kept coming back she had named the two Peter, the fluffy cat and the other Elias.

Peter came and went. Similarly to Simon, he could be gone for days, maybe even weeks. Whenever he was home he was with Elias and/or Simon, being quiet and calm. Elias was probably the most judgemental cat she had ever come across. He was not really loud or overly talkative, but he could spend hours in a corner just looking at her without blinking. It was a bit creepy and sometimes it felt like he was secretly planning to kill her in her sleep.

Four months ago Simon was gone for a week, only to come back in with a very disgruntled cat. Looking rather similar to Peter, though smaller, thinner bit of brown around the eyes, paws, tip of ears and tail, including a branching scar most visible on the back. Despite the cat not being a small kitten, Simon still managed to drag them there. The cat had seemingly accepted its fate, making Gertrude question how far from home they were.

She had taken the cat to a veterinarian the day after. It was a male, named Mike, who had once belonged to a couple that passed two years before in a house fire. The scar was older, though it had gotten infected over the two years. She had gotten more of a rundown of everything that was wrong with Mike and she planned to simply let him up for adoption, except Simon did not seem to leave Mike’s side. So, Gertrude accepted Mike in. If only until he was healthy again, by then Simon would hopefully be over it.

Since then Gertrude had tried to throw Mike back on the streets while Simon was away. Except the pair kept coming back. Which caused her current situation. Sitting on her sofa, trying to watch TV, except she found herself staring at Mike, who had made himself comfortable on the shelf next to a vase, glaring back at her. His paw slowly raising towards the vase, never breaking eye contact. Gertrude narrowed her eyes. Until -

There was no crash. The vase was no longer on the shelf but it was also not shattered on the ground. Her eyes did not leave the falling - flying? - vase. It did not really stop the small cat from glaring at her.

Gertrude had no real clue how long it was like that. The vase floating on the spot, her looking at the vase and Mike glaring at her. Like a picture, frozen in time. At least until -

CRASH

Well fuck.

#mike crew #simon fairchild #peter lukas #elias bouchard #gertrude robinson #cat avatars #mention of past fire #very brief mention of death #tell me if I should add anything

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garbagevanfleet · 1 year

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Pink Lemonade (series)

PART EIGHT

Pairing: Sam x female!reader

Word Count: 8k words

Summary: Being a counselor at your childhood summer camp had been your dream since you were little and you had a specific vision of how it would go when it finally happened. You had not, however, planned to make an immediate enemy.

WARNINGS (this chapter): EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT - 18+ ONLY, tobacco use

Editor in Chief (and creator of the moodboard on each chapter): @gardenvanfleet

MASTERPOST

Special Playlist here

From the very beginning, Sam had been quicksand. He had given you no reason to do so, but you felt drawn to him; he was pretty and intriguing and even though you knew you had no business doing so, you’d kept wandering closer. You took the chance, inch by inch, closing the distance that was your only real promise of safety.

The mystery of him was too much of a temptation for you to ignore, so you figured, maybe you could get just close enough to be his friend. What was the harm in that? Surely nothing bad could come from just a couple of steps; the worst thing that could happen was that he’d keep pushing you away.

And he did. He’d consistently and thoroughly declined your olive branches, but despite that, you chose to proceed. You had put your blinders on and pushed all of the warning signs out of the way. “DANGER QUICKSAND” they had read, but you stomped them down to trudge closer; after all, they could have been put there as a trick. Maybe someone had pounded them into the ground around him to keep you from finding something truly valuable.

When you’d gotten right up to the edge, you’d dipped your fingers in and found it simply felt like sand. Sand was safe, right? At the very least, sand was benign; you’d walked on it a million times before in your life and it had never once drawn blood.

So, you’d decided it was safe to dip your toes in. You’d let yourself start to expect Sam’s bad attitude, and before you knew it, you realized you kind of even liked it because it meant interacting with him, even if it wasn’t necessarily positive. You’d convinced yourself that there was nothing wrong with that - that you could fix the quicksand and change what it inherently was.

You had become so drawn to it that you couldn’t help yourself. Sometimes Sam was kind of sweet to you and those moments glimmered like hunks of gold; you found yourself reaching into the quicksand to collect them until you had your arms full. Without even realizing it, you were buried up to your shoulders and you knew you should be trying to escape, but the pressure around you felt like a hug as it sucked you down.

So, you fell in love.

You - the same you that had been labeled “responsible” her entire life - had fallen in love. And, as a sprinkle of salt for the wound, you’d done so in a time span of less than two months.

For the following days, you walked around those campgrounds like you were harboring a horrible secret; inflated self-importance included. It was a horrible thing, but it was yours and there was something so perversely satisfying in that.

Were you being too dramatic? Perhaps. But, you’d never been in love before. You weren’t sure if it even was love since you had nothing to compare it to, but a feeling that big needed a name, and so you named it.

Now you just needed to figure out how Sam felt, and every time you were reminded of that little, crucial detail, you felt a swell of hot panic. There were certainly promising signs, but you had to know for sure if you were ever going to be able to think about anything else - ever again. Until then, you were stuck with it.

❀❀❀

Pop Rocks. You had been trying to think of a way to describe the sensation you got when Sam did something particularly unexpected - seeing him for the first time each day at breakfast, prolonged but subtle eye contact whenever it felt safe to indulge in. You’d been walking alongside him on the way to the archery range with the kids when his knuckles accidentally brushed against yours and it hit you instantly; the rush of serotonin, the fluttering in your chest, the tingle in the tips of your fingers - it reminded you of Pop Rocks on your tongue.

Sam flicked his eyes over at you and apologized through a little smile, but you couldn’t help but think there must have been some intent behind it; the Sam you’d come to dread at the beginning wouldn’t have ever let it happen in the first place.

He had his brown hair tied up and when you looked over to brush off his apology, your eyes caught on the spot between his neck and shoulder. It was a perfectly unmarred stretch of skin that you thought could benefit from some decorating; the thought made you want to sink your teeth into it just to hear his shocked breath.

There was something about a new love that you wouldn’t know how to explain to your younger self. It was still so fragile, and yet, you felt as though you could level entire cities. You thought maybe you should tell someone. To anyone else, it would be mundane - worthy of maybe a polite smile and congratulations, but to you, it felt like momentous news.

The obvious option was Josh; you could remember consuming coming-of-age love stories as a teenager where the best friend was always safe to confide in, but this felt more complicated. There were more complex obstacles in the way and you simply didn’t know how to navigate them; your instincts told you to protect it, so you kept it locked away behind your ribs where it was shielded from prying eyes, and that was where it would stay until you felt ready.

❀❀❀

You’d been on a little walk for your free period when you’d come across Josh, laying in the grass by the fork in the path with his ankles crossed. As if he were a cutesy illustration of Huck Finn, he had a little green sprig poking out of his lips as he blinked his eyes open to look up at you.

“What are you doing?” you laughed, crossing your arms over your chest as his mouth spread into a grin.

“Dozing in and out of consciousness. And before you ask- yes, I do have sunscreen on,” he teased you. He then patted the grass next to him and asked, “Wanna sit?”

In lieu of a verbal answer, you clambered your way down to the ground, though you avoided spreading out the way he had; Josh never seemed too shy about taking up space, but you couldn’t claim the same.

“Can you believe the summer is already halfway over?” Josh asked wistfully, wearing the tiniest frown as he stared up at the sky.

“It is going really fast,” you admitted, matching his forlorn tone. “Are you coming back next year?”

“Of course. I think I’ll just keep doing this until they won’t let me anymore.”

“I don’t see that happening any time soon. The director seems to like you a lot,” you reminded him. “I mean, I’m not sure who else could pull what you did with Sam.”

An expression of shock overtook his features before smoothing into a questioning smile. His tone was coy as he inquired, “And how would you possibly know about that?”

A little too late, it occurred to you, “Shit. I guess I shouldn’t know about that, huh? Please don’t tell Sam I accidentally told you.”

“Y’know, getting a secret out of Sam is like trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. He’s the perfect confidant,” Josh informed you sweetly. “For as long as I can remember, he’s hated asking for help. He’d rather fail at something on his own than succeed with someone else’s help, and it’s always been that way.”

You bit your bottom lip, pulling your knees up to your chest and wrapping your arms around them as you admitted, “I’m not sure what to say.”

With his tongue, he moved the little sprig of grass to the other side of his mouth and smugly replied, “You don’t have to say anything. I can see it.”

Your next inhale hitched in your throat, and you had to force back the anxious spit before you spoke. “See what?”

Instead of replying to your pointless question, he propped himself up on his elbows and put on a fond tone. “Since the beginning of summer, you two have revolved around each other. You both pretend to hate the other, but you’re practically the same person - plus, I’d argue that putting that much energy into anything counts as infatuation. It was only a matter of time before everything clicked into place.”

The skin on your cheeks felt like it was on fire as you buried your embarrassed expression into your knees. “Why are you doing this to me right now?”

He snorted an amused laugh as he sat up. “Did he tell you about the arrest yet?” he pressed, wearing an understated, mischievous smirk.

You shook your head, eyes wide.

He hummed knowingly. “No, I bet he’s saving it for the last minute. He seems to really enjoy your attention.” You shot him a glare that only served to make him snicker. “You know what you should do?”

After a second of waiting for him to continue, you prompted him with, “No, what?”

“You should make him a friendship bracelet.”

It was such a Josh suggestion that you couldn’t help but smile begrudgingly. “Oh?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “I know it sounds silly, but just trust me.”

“I do.”

❀❀❀

For the third time, you were headed back to the campsite with Sam, all the kiddies in tow. It was starting to feel like a routine, which was perfectly okay with you; you felt more prepared than ever before for whatever the kids could possibly throw at you, which was an undeniable comfort.

Once dinner was finished for the evening, you took the liberty of putting the leftover fixings away; you were packing the ketchup and mustard bottles back into your canvas bag when Sam came up to your side. He ducked to grab the cooler from under the picnic table, and when he lifted the lid to show you what was inside, you couldn’t suppress a giggle if you wanted to. He nudged the packages of chocolate bars out of the way to reveal a few bunches of bananas, sparking a familiar fuzzy feeling in your tummy.

You weren’t sure if he was expecting you to gush about how sweet of a gesture it was or to make a jab at him being too soft, so you decided to split it down the middle. “Did you pack those for me?” you asked playfully, smirking at him.

He shook his head, breathing a laugh. “Of course not. I actually thought it would be fun if I made you watch me eat them all.”

You hummed in amusement before quipping, “Is there anything you wouldn’t do for my attention?”

With an exaggeratedly narrow pair of accusatory eyes, he opened his mouth to reply, but you didn’t let him; before he could get a word out, you turned around to the kids and announced, “Good news, Sam brought stuff for s’mores and banana boats! Everyone say, ‘thank you Sam’.”

An array of affirmations rang across the campsite, and you threw a pleased smirk over your shoulder at him just in time to catch him smile awkwardly at the crowd of excited children.

You’d intended to pull him aside later in the night, but between the campfire games and the long, aimless stories told by ten-year-olds, the moment had never quite come. So, instead of designating a time to meet him like you’d wanted to, you were left to lay awake in your tent, yet again.

Luckily, this time he didn’t keep you waiting very long; about forty-five minutes after everyone had tucked in for the night, you heard him. It was quiet enough that it probably wouldn’t wake a sleeping child, but you could easily make out the sound of his feet in the debris of the forest floor.

Careful to not jostle anyone on your way out of the tent, you found him waiting for you by the charred remains of the fire. He shot you a devious smile - because, no matter how innocent it was, you were still technically not supposed to be doing this with him. You were expected to be resting so you could lead a troop of easily distracted children out of the woods, but here you were, harboring a giddy kind of excitement as you quietly padded over to him.

When you sat next to him, he smiled over at you and, under his breath, noted, “A lot has changed since the first trip out here.”

The statement alone was enough to bring a warmth creeping over your cheeks. You hadn’t put a whole lot of thought into it when Josh had first said it, but it was becoming clear to you why Josh would suggest that you make Sam something by hand - under all the layers of faux unpleasantness, Sam was secretly sentimental.

You hummed in agreement and let the moment settle over the two of you. When you felt like enough time had passed for the question to have the most shock value, you looked over at him and coyly asked, “Are you ready to tell me about it, or are you still clinging to the mysterious bad-boy thing?”

He seemed to have been waiting for it, but he still had trouble suppressing a laugh at the question as he shot you a disbelieving look. “You’re the only one making it a big thing. What are you gonna do when I tell you I was jaywalking?”

You fondly rolled your eyes, but you made a note that Josh had said the same thing about you being the only one holding onto the idea. “C’mon, Sam. There’s no way I’d believe that’s what it was - I’m not that naïve.”

“Are you sure?”

You couldn’t tell whether he was smugly implying you might be stupid or asking whether or not you were positive that wasn’t the crime he’d committed, but you weren’t sure of either, so you just gave an innocent smile and shrugged.

“Will you at least tell me if it was cool?” you bargained, hoping he’d take pity on you if you looked pathetic enough.

With a fond smile stamped across his lips, he surveyed your face for a few seconds before leaning in close to your ear and breathing, “You’re a menace.”

The simple, teasing statement made you clasp a hand over your mouth to prevent your smitten giggle from waking any campers.

❀❀❀

As the days passed, the time grew nearer for summer break. All counselors were allowed 5 days to return home and recoup before finishing out the remaining two cycles of campers, and you could feel the need for it; the counselors were all young people, but you could sense a fatigue settling over them that only a little rest could quell.

Even Josh, who seemed to be borderline solar powered, was just barely starting to visibly drag. At breakfast one morning, you watched him diagonally slice one of his campers’ toast for him before spreading peanut butter on the separate pieces, even though it would have been simpler to reverse the order.

You hummed in amusement at him. “Are you ready for a few days off?” you asked, earning you an exasperated smile as he slid the plate of toast over to his boy.

He nodded in agreement, so you turned your attention to Sam before quipping, “I don’t even have to ask you - I know you’re beyond ready. Are you going to sleep for the entire five days?”

“He absolutely will - out like a light for the entirety of it,” Josh answered playfully for him, causing Sam to shoot him a disapproving look.

“Well, I can only imagine your family will make you do some things with them, right?” you asked Sam directly. “My mom’s very sentimental about her kids.”

Sam shook his head and huffed a laugh that told you he understood. “I’m sure they would, but I’m not going home - only Josh is.”

In the second or two you had to spare, you took in his demeanor to assess whether or not you should press deeper, but when you found that Sam looked perfectly relaxed and unguarded, you deemed it safe to ask him why.

“I’m afraid if I go home, I might not come back.” His tone was jesting, but there was the slightest edge to it, letting you know that was as much information as he was willing to give, and you decided you were perfectly fine with that.

“So, you’ll just be here for the full five days?” you clarified with curiosity, getting a simple nod from him in return.

You were suddenly left with a choice. You knew better than to bring it up to Sam in front of Josh, because that could really only cause issues, but you suddenly had a choice to make. Up until that point, there had been no question as to whether or not you’d be going home for break - when you’d said goodbye to your family at the beginning of summer, you’d done so with the unspoken agreement that you’d be back for break before they knew it.

Your mom had checked in with you via text a couple of times, but no one had verbally expressed a deep excitement to see you again; no one had told you of any family plans for that five days or anything, and you figured you’d just spend most of the time resting your body and mind. But, there really wasn’t necessarily any reason you had to go home for that; you could achieve the same results right where you were.

You still had a couple of days to weigh your options - well, at least, that’s what you told yourself. What you were really doing was thinking of a way to break it to everyone. You were confident you could convince your parents that it was the right idea; you’d tell them it was to save money on gas and mileage, which wouldn’t be entirely untrue. They’d be a little disappointed, but they wouldn’t be heartbroken.

It was Sam, himself, that you were nervous about. He was a completely different person towards you now, but there was still no way to predict how he’d react. More than anything, you were concerned that he’d see that move as being too clingy; maybe he was counting on some time to just himself. You decided that the smartest way to go about it would be to bring it up to Sam before telling your parents; that way, you weren’t locked into the decision to stay in the instance that he might not want your company.

While you were getting your girls ready for bed that evening, you worked up just enough courage; you excused yourself to the boys’ cabin while they were taking turns brushing their teeth.

One of Sam’s pajama-clad campers was the one to answer the door, peering up at you with a pair of questioning eyes.

“I don’t mean to disturb your nightly routine, but I’d like to borrow Sam for just a second,” you informed him, making him flash you a smile that proudly showed off the gaps where he’d lost some baby teeth.

Sam was already on the way over, and when he reached the door, he bent to place a hand on the child’s back to direct him back into the cabin. He informed his boys that he would be back in a minute before stepping out next to you.

He was silent and smirking while he waited for you to speak. It took you a suspenseful couple of seconds to force out a stammering, “Hey, so, I just had something I wanted to bring up to you.”

“Okay,” he replied, slow and drawn out.

“I was just wondering how you’d feel about me staying behind during break.”

He had a specific smirk he wore when he was watching you struggle to find words, but it melted right off his face once he realized what you were saying. In a pointed and confused tone, he asked, “What? Why would you do that? Don’t you want to see your family?”

You could feel your cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Your explanation was laughably choppy when you parted your lips and said, “I mean, sure, but I’ll see them soon enough anyway. I just thought maybe it would be nice to...you know, have some time with...just us.”

He stared at you for a couple of seconds that felt like full minutes in your anxiety. He didn’t look upset or repulsed by the idea at all - he was almost looking at you in wonder, if you had to put a name to it.

When Sam opened his mouth and then shut it again, you felt instantly better about being so bad at forcing the words out; at least you were in good company there.

“Okay,” he agreed, nodding. It was perfectly clear that he had more to say; you imagined that, were he intoxicated, you could probably coax it all out of him - but, for now, that was good enough for you.

Just to confirm, you carefully repeated, “Okay?”

A little smile curled his lips up at the corners, ever-so-slightly. “Yeah. I could live with that.”

You matched his smile, making your voice audibly infatuated as you turned on your heel and bid him a good night.

❀❀❀

When you told Josh you’d be staying behind, you hadn’t even had to state the reason why; he knew instantly. The news delighted him, if the shit-eating grin he was wearing was anything to go by.

“I was wondering if you would,” he informed you smugly. “I could practically see the cogs turning in your little noggin when he told you he wouldn’t be going home.”

Deciding not to egg on that idea any further, with slight concern, you asked, “Are you going to be lonely on the drive home?”

“Nah, I like solo road trips. Especially after not having any time to myself for the last several weeks.”

You could agree with the sentiment.

Most counselors had taken off right after their campers had left that Saturday, but Josh decided he was going to wait until Sunday morning, for no discernable reason. You’d insisted that Sam accompany you down to the counselor parking lot to see him off, which turned out to be the right choice when you got to watch Josh bully him into a parting hug that Sam pretended to find annoying.

The walk back to your cabins was relatively silent. Neither of you had to lend a voice to the mutual anticipation for what this new-found, unfamiliar privacy would bring - it was palpable.

Between your respective cabin doors, the ground was worn bare by the foot traffic of little kids, leaving only a patch of dirt; when you reached it, you both paused to glance at each other expectantly.

“Do you...” He paused for a beat. In the most charmingly awkward way, he finished, “Wanna come to mine?”

“You want me to?”

His brown eyes flicked around as a visual representation of his contemplation before he flashed you a sheepish smile. “On second thought, no. My stuff is a mess.”

“Do you need to do laundry? Because I do, and you’re welcome to accompany me.”

His sudden frown of distaste made you snort a laugh, so you asked, “How do you survive in a professional atmosphere? You’ve got the most expressive face of anyone I’ve ever met.” As you spoke, you reached out and gently pinched the apple of his cheek until he smacked it away, snickering.

“I excel at making myself scarce when work is being assigned,” he explained with a proud, toothy smile.

You shook your head in disbelief. “Are you and Josh actually related? Because it would be downright mean to play a joke on me like that.”

“That would be one hell of a long con,” he mused.

“Either way, I propose we do our laundry and then watch a movie or something.”

He hummed in defeat. “I begrudgingly accept your proposal.”

When you were a kid, seeing couples on TV used to give you a strange feeling. You’d watch in confused fascination as they’d flirt down the aisles of a grocery store, or share a warm, loving look while cooking dinner; they’d look so comforted by each other’s presence while doing mundane, everyday things, and you could never really figure out why. It felt so far away from you - like asking an adult a question only for them to tell you “you’ll understand when you’re older”.

It took you until that summer, as you watched Sam pull his clothing out of his laundry bag and turn each article right-side-out, to know that feeling. It wasn’t sexy or romantic; he was simply focused on getting through the task. Still, you couldn’t prevent yourself from watching if you tried. You tried to put subtlety to practice as your eyes followed his movements, keeping your head down while you absently packed your clothing into the washer.

The laundry room was dimly lit and cool due to the concrete floor and the rows of metal appliances. Absolutely nothing about it was romantic other than the effort you were putting into making it so.

The two of you walked around the immediate grounds keeping an eye on the time while your wash cycled through. It got exponentially worse once you got back to the cabins and you had to watch him fold his clean clothes on your bed to the sound of a show you’d pulled up on your laptop.

You’d been intending on taking things further with him that evening, but by the time you both got back from dinner, you didn’t really have the ambition. Instead, you curled up with him on your bed, his arm around your shoulders. His thumb absently stroking over the protruding joint on your wrist served to coax you towards sleep.

❀❀❀

You woke up before him the next morning. Kind of well before him, actually; you had enough time to get up and take a leisurely shower before you had roused him for breakfast.

You’d expected him to fight you on it at least a little, but all he offered was a lighthearted grumbling.

“Tomorrow morning, you can sleep in as long as you want,” you assured him in line as you placed a scoop of fruit salad onto your plate.

“No, I can’t because I’m out of Pop-tarts,” he groaned, and the complaint instantly sparked an idea. You chewed it over in your head until you were nearing the end of your meal, and when you decided the excitement outweighed the embarrassment of the subject, you cleared your throat.

“Hey, so I was just thinking,” you started, setting your silverware down. “Would you wanna go into town with me today? I have to grab some things - your brother’s been using all my sunscreen - and I thought it would be nice to have the company.”

He pushed his hair out of his face so he could stare at you unabated.

“It could, uhm,” You swallowed back the anxious lump in your throat that was choking you up. “It could be like a date.”

You had fixed your eyes on where your hands were folded in your lap, but you forced yourself to meet his gaze again. After a few seconds, his reluctance started to become clear. The embarrassment and dread made your chest feel too small to breathe properly; you decided you needed to give him an out as quickly as you could.

“You obviously don’t have to,” you assured, plastering on a fake smile lest you make him feel guilted into agreeing. “I’m perfectly fine going on my own. We can just hang when I get back if you want.”

He shook his head, frowning. “No, no, it’s not that I don’t want to-” He cut himself off, finding your eyes again after having focused them anywhere else. After a notable pause, he flashed you a smile that seemed genuine enough to ease your nerves a bit. “Let’s do it,” he finally agreed, nodding in reassurance.

“Are you sure?” you pressed curiously. You were hoping he’d clarify where his hesitance was coming from, but instead, he just nodded confidently.

“When do you wanna go?”

You let out a little breath, hoping to release some of the pressure that was making you feel flighty. “I’m probably going to go back to the cabin and shower. Should we say like an hour - hour and a half?”

He smiled in agreement. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

The entire time you were getting ready, you couldn’t shake that feeling; the anxiety kept creeping up on you, no matter how many times you tried to banish it from your thoughts. You kept telling yourself to stop overthinking it - you didn’t know him super well, but Sam never came off as the type to agree to something he didn’t want to do just to spare someone’s feelings. If he really hadn’t wanted to go, he would have declined, you decided as you put on a bit of makeup.

When you knocked on his door, you found that his hair wasn’t wet, but he had changed outfits. You’d seen him in that particular flannel before, but never quite like this; he had it unbuttoned to the bottom of his ribcage, but he had chosen to forgo an undershirt, leaving his pronounced bone structure on display. He shifted to shut the door behind him and your eyes caught on his necklace - a tiger’s eye pendant, resting perfectly in the tanned dip between his collarbones.

Looking over and seeing him in your passenger seat was like a dream. He’d rolled his window down almost instantly, leaving the fluffy waves of his hair to catch on the airflow every now and again.

“Do you have a license?” you asked.

“I do,” he confirmed.

In the coyest tone you could manage, you pressed, “Is it valid?”

You’d been hoping you could pull a little more information out of him about his criminal charge, but he was just as keen as Josh had made him out to be. He smirked down at nothing in particular. “Yes.”

Doing a terrible job at biting back a grin, you noted, “Interesting.”

“Is it?” he challenged smugly. “You don’t typically lose your license for your first DUI, so all you’ve really done is eliminate the possibility that I’m on my second.”

You shot him an unimpressed expression. “Well, that’s more than I knew before.”

The pleased laugh he let out gave you butterflies as he sunk down in his seat a little further. “Well, keep at it - I’m sure you’ll piece it together someday.”

“I mean, if you just filled me in...”

“You don’t actually want me to tell you,” he argued amusedly.

You looked over at him in disbelief, your voice raising in pitch to ask, “What the hell do you mean?!”

Your exaggerated dramatics forced a new kind of laugh from him - bubbly and unburdened like something more characteristic of Josh.

“Listen to me when I tell you this,” he instructed, clearly enjoying every single second of the conversation. “There is literally nothing I could have done that would be as exciting as you’re making it. Do you understand that? Short of me telling you I broke into Seaworld and punched a dolphin or something, nothing would be satisfying enough.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but when you realized he was right, you begrudgingly shut it, but not without shooting him a playful glare first.

The ride into town wasn’t long, but it was scenic. It took you past seemingly never-ending fields of corn and beans and through old, defunct railroad tunnels that had been graffitied to hell and back.

The town’s grocery store was no more than a glorified convenience store. Off the top of your head, you couldn’t think of another grocer that was truly still an independent small business, but this one had remained almost exactly the same since you were young. The same little old farmer sold his fresh produce from a quaint little wooden stand by the doors - “grown by loving hands!” the sign on the front read.

You figured you’d get the necessities out of the way, so that’s where you took Sam first, thoroughly enjoying that domestic feeling that wrapped you up as you watched him pick out the snacks he’d want for the rest of his time at camp. You got to learn a lot about him that way.

You tried to be subtle as you took mental notes. His preferred deodorant, his favorite flavor of M&M’s - even though you weren’t sure it would ever be useful information, you filed it away in the part of your brain he lived in. It was alarmingly easy to forget that he had lived twenty-some years before you’d crashed into him, and knowing these little things allowed you to feel like you knew him more deeply than you actually did.

It was safe to say that Camp Forest Springs was the town of Westboro’s central economy, but there were a few other things to do. There was a street that ran through the center of the downtown area like an artery - a strip of cutesy little shops that didn’t serve much of a purpose other than being fun places to waste time and money. You aimlessly wandered down the sidewalk, taking in the displays in the windows and the planters of flowers that dotted each street corner.

There were a few obligatory bars and a coffee shop, but it wasn’t until you had neared the edge of the shopping district that he spoke up to ask, “Hey, you wanna get some ice cream?”

You followed his eyes to a familiar little shop called “Scoops!”, nestled between a little fountain and an antique store. The outside of it had been painted bright yellow ever since you were a kid, and you felt like you were going to melt at the sentiment.

When you nodded in agreement, he led you across the little street; his lack of concern for using a crosswalk made you grin as you remembered him teasingly suggesting to you that his crime was “jaywalking”.

The inside of the ice cream shop was buzzing with families, so you’d been forced to wait in line as the teens behind the counter worked as fast as they could to serve everyone. When you’d finally made it through, he’d suggested taking your treats outside, away from all of the loud children, and you couldn’t agree more.

He picked a bench to recline into, so you posted up on the edge of the fountain, crossing one of your bare legs over the other as you lapped at your strawberry cone and stared across at him. You’d been debating wearing a skirt for this trip, but you were suddenly glad you had as his eyes scanned over your skin.

“Are you having a nice time?” you asked coyly, though you had been able to feel the contentment radiating off of him for nearly the entire day. He seemed so relaxed and unconcerned at times, that you almost couldn’t remember what he was like at the beginning of the summer.

Since that night you both looked for his key, he’d been a completely different person, and you had to wonder whether he’d just decided it wasn’t worth the effort to keep pretending like he hated you, or if it were something more than that.

He shot a rueful glance at where his Rocky Road had melted over his fingers, but quickly nodded after licking them off. “You really know how to make a very boring little town seem fun.”

“It’s all about the company you keep, I think,” you teased cockily once you were able to push the image of his tongue swiping over his fingers to the back of your brain.

He hummed in amusement. “I wish you’d been around to tell me that before I got into trouble.”

You widened your eyes dramatically to show your interest. “Ooh, another morsel of information. I’m getting spoiled today.”

He snorted a laugh, grinning wide as he pulled his eyes from yours. “Well, enjoy it, because that’s all you’re getting.”

Ignoring him, you playfully pressed, “Is it drugs? Did you fall in with a bad crowd?”

Sam shook his head. As much as he liked to tease you about it, it was crystal clear that he loved playing this game with you. He loved your attention, and you suspected that he had since day one.

“Hmm. I’ll get it out of you yet, Samuel,” you warned him with a smirk that he mirrored back to you.

“Best of luck, babe.”

Babe. He’d never used a term of endearment with you, and you tried as hard as you possibly could to school your face - to keep him from knowing just what that simple word was doing to you physically - but there was only so much you could do. He noted how pink your cheeks were becoming with his eyes before turning his attention back to his ice cream with a pleased little smile.

❀❀❀

You could still feel the lingering high of a satisfying date once you got back to the grounds. After dinner that evening, you’d walked back to the cabins together and he ended up seated on your bed while you unpacked your day’s purchases to the soundtrack of one of his playlists, playing from a little red speaker he’d brought with him from home.

You had your back turned to him as you tucked your new toiletries away into your dresser, but it was a comfort to hear him behind you, lazily chewing on some of the gummi bears he’d bought at the grocery store. You were trying to decide how you should place your shampoo to best avoid getting any on your folded clothes when he pulled you out of your focus by speaking your name.

When you turned around, you saw that his feet were still planted on the floor, but he had pulled one of your pillows down to slip behind his head so he could lay out over your bedspread.

You hummed at him in question, but in response, he only held out his hand like he wanted you to take it. The second you touched him, he slipped your fingers between his own, slotting them together like he had the night in the lake. He tugged you to him with enough force to make you squeak in surprise and you had to remain conscious of where your knees landed as he pulled you down.

“C’mere,” he breathed, placing his free hand on the back of your neck to guide your lips to his. He tasted like candy when you kissed him, making it all the more tempting to lick into his mouth once he opened it for you.

“It was annoyingly sweet of you to stay behind with me this week,” he informed you through a little smile once he broke the kiss.

As more of an anxious tick than anything, you tucked your hair behind your ear before earnestly replying, “If it makes you feel any better, it was more for me than for you. Honestly, I was afraid you were going to say no.”

“Why would I say no?” he inquired, obviously amused by the idea. You’d been holding yourself up with your knees until he placed both hands on your waist and pointedly pulled you down to sit on his hips, stretching your skirt over his lap.

You huffed an anxious laugh, trying hard to focus on vocalizing your next thought instead of the feeling of your ass on his lap. “I was worried you’d think it was too clingy. You have to admit, we went from hostile to...this,” You gestured broadly to your position before continuing. “Really fast. I don’t think you can blame me.”

He let out a soft hum and then stated, “I like you by me.” He craned his neck up to nudge the tip of his nose against yours. “I always have.”

There was no way he could have known what he was doing to you - right? You told yourself that if he knew how you really felt - the depth of it - he would have never said something like that. Had the two of you just been a fun summer fling, that would have just been a sweet thing to say before sex; maybe you’d have ribbed him for being soft or even rolled your eyes at the cheesiness of it.

But you loved him - now more than ever before. The admission he’d just made felt like a knife to your chest but you never wanted the feeling to dull. You wanted that sharp, stabbing heat every time you looked at him from then on - you wanted to be able to count on it.

Before you could start to really unravel yourself, he put an end to your thoughts by cupping your face in his hands and pulling you in to kiss him again. When your lips met his this time, you knew it was different. It was like everything he’d said or done to you sucked you down deeper and deeper into the quicksand, and at this point, you were positive you wouldn’t be crawling back out.

As he kissed you, he slipped his hands down your back until his fingers were playing at the bottom hem of your shirt. You knew what was coming next, so you sat up to help him peel the garment off, and unhooked your bra for him while you were at it. He pulled your mouth back to his before slipping the straps of it down your shoulders and then letting it fall to the floor.

His hand was cupping your breast seconds later until he found your nipple to play with; the feeling of him rolling it around between the pads of his fingers made you shiver lightly. With only your panties as a barrier for you, the firm structure of his zipper made you suck in a sharp breath as your hips ground into him on their own. Your reaction drew a low hum from his throat as his hands settled on your waist. He used his new grip to repeat the action, only this time, his hips rose to meet you halfway.

The added pressure forced a whimper from your parted lips as your pulse raced. He slipped his hands up your back to pull you flush against him, your bare chest pressed to his. His lips were brushing your cheekbone as he whispered affirmations directly to your ear, raising goosebumps all over your body while his fingers tangled themselves into your hair, giving gentle tugs at the root.

You kept rolling your hips against him, building the pressure until you were shaking from the stimulation.

The slightest desperation was evident in his voice as he spoke. “You gonna let me fuck you?”

Let him? You found the idea laughable, seeing as you’d beg for it at this point; you couldn’t trust yourself to produce a single word, so you just nodded eagerly against him. Apparently, that was good enough for him because he pecked a kiss to your cheek and snaked a hand down between the two of you.

You’d never had sex like this before. He hadn’t shed a single layer of clothing, and it was clear that he wasn’t planning to; he couldn’t be fucked to waste any time with that. Instead, he just prompted you to lift your hips so he could push his jeans down just enough. His fingers held your panties aside and, for the first time, his skin touched yours.

You drew in a ragged breath as the head of his cock caught on your clit, pulling an equally rough hum from his chest. He rolled his hips through your slick flesh, just teasing you by keeping you waiting for it.

When he was ready, he let it slip into you, knocking the air right from your lungs as he gave a low, drawn-out groan. His mouth was still resting right by your ear, so you could hear every abnormality in his breathing as he started to move and you decided in that moment that there was nothing in the world as satisfying as knowing you were doing that to him.

He scraped his teeth over your cheek as his hands found a home on the small of your waist, stilling your hips when you absently started moving them. Sam wasn’t about to be rushed - he was going to set the rhythm and you were going to have to fall in line, though no one would hear a single complaint from you. His fingers were dug into your flesh, flexing mindlessly as he tried to process the feeling of having you on him as his warm exhales rhythmically hit your neck.

You’d never been able to stay in the moment during sex before, but you couldn’t force yourself to think of anything else if you wanted to. You were hyper-focused on the slight drag of him inside of you and the sparks it sent down your limbs; you could feel every little movement all the way down to your fingers and toes with the height of every thrust.

Despite your lips being clamped together, a string of pitchy noises were slipping past. You tried to bury your face into his neck to muffle them, but it didn’t help at all once he slipped his hand between you again. He found your clit with his fingers and rested them there, letting the pressure of his thrusts be enough to move you against them.

If you were anywhere near okay, the moan his fingers pulled from you would be embarrassing, but as it was, you were too far gone; with his free hand, he pulled your mouth back to his, greedily swallowing down the noise like he deserved it.

You guessed he kind of did.

You could feel your muscles clenching around him as you clawed toward your peak. Sam was speaking low against your ear - soft encouragements that slowly evolved into rough praise as he struggled to keep his rhythm through the pleasure. He whispered a hoarse curse, his free fingers gripping your ass until it ached as he came, and that was enough for you - you lost it immediately after him.

He kept moving, slowing to draw it out for the both of you until you were coming down. Your mouth was open against his neck, taking in the smell of him as you tried to catch your breath.

You laid there on him for a while, and he never once gave you the impression that he wanted you to move. He just petted over your hair, coaxing you to rest your head against his chest while you pulled yourself back together.

Eventually, you forced yourself to clamber off of him, and once you cleaned yourself up, you found him laying with his hands tucked behind his head, obviously naked under your sheets.

You leaned your weight against the frame of the door and ran a hand through your mussed-up hair. “You gonna make it back to your cabin okay?” you teased him, making him breathe out a laugh as he glanced over at you; you were both well aware you wouldn’t let him go anywhere if your life depended on it.

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#pink lemonade #sam kiszka fic #sam kiszka smut #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet smut

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ddejavvu · 2 years

Note

Aaron Hotchner and I would love some sorbet, please, where he is pining for bau!reader. Workmates/friends to lovers please and thank you

you are formally invited to ddejavvu's 10K dinner party, now serving second entrées

my absolute favorite trope :')))

One peek at the sandwich you've been served reveals that your worst fear has been recognized: There are tomatoes on your food. You push the plate away from you like it's a bomb about to go off, though maybe the swelling of your face and tongue would feel like one if you ended up having an allergic reaction.

The rim of your plate hits the edge of Hotch's as you slide it away from you, and you apologize to him softly, trying not to draw more attention to yourself. But it's too late, he notices.

"Y/L/N," He peers concernedly at you, "Everything okay?"

"Tomatoes." You mumble, stomach churning at the fear of having a reaction, "'Can't eat it."

He frowns indignantly, reaching for your sandwich and pulling the face up. He scoffs at the tomatoes inside, "You specifically told them you were allergic."

"It's fine," You shake your head, somewhat used to the mix-up by now, "I'll grab something from the snack machine later, or-"

"No," Hotch looks almost offended that you'd sentence yourself to stale doritos for the rest of the day, "Here, swap with me."

He slides his salad, thankfully tomato free, over to you before you can protest, but you shake your head anyways, "It's okay! Really, it's happened before, no big deal."

"It is a big deal." He insists gently, "It's your lunch, and we probably won't get much of a dinner tonight. Just take it," He implores you, his large hand still curled around the rim of the plate, "Come on."

He's right, and you know it. Hell, you two were barely able to slip away from digging through records to find this little diner, and you had to be back within the hour. There were no other options.

The plate is extended like an olive branch, though you're not sure why he's being so insistent about it. He looks at you delicately, worry shining in his eyes as he drags your contaminated sandwich over to his own place.

"But you ordered the salad." You supply weakly, "You wanted the salad."

"Well you ordered a sandwich without tomatoes," He raises his eyebrows, "I'll enjoy the sandwich if it means I don't have to use this."

He reaches into the inner pocket of his jacket, flashing an epi-pen at you. The familiar item sends your stomach churning, less with nausea and more with butterflies, this time. You're flattered, endeared, and maybe a little embarrassed that he's got a nursing kit for you set up in his coat.

"You carry that with you?"

"'Course I do," He folds the sandwich closed again, fingers stained with the dressings used, "What if you were to go into shock around me and I couldn't find yours?"

"It's always in my bag."

"That's not the point." He levels you with an unimpressed glare for a split second, then points at your new salad, "Now eat, before one of the officers notice we're missing and tell us our entire profession is just guesswork."

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starlightshadowsworld · 5 months

Text

A lot of shows and stuff try to convince me that insert group are a family.

When really they aren't.

And it's something Bungo stray dogs has managed to accomplish.

The Detective Agency feels like a family.

Everyone but Noami and Junichiro were against saving Atsushi until Fukuzawa ordered them too.

Saying Atsushi is one of them, he is family and that's all the reasoning they need to save him.

And I thought that's were this ends, they'll remain as coworkers.

But they don't.

Kunikida and Atsushi choose against going with everyone on the murder Mori express and it doesn't cause an argument.

Doesn't cause any divide between them.

Ranpo, the one arguably taking this whole thing the worst, is reaffirming Kunikida's ideals and that he's the best of them.

He extends an olive branch to Atsushi so he can contribute in a meaningful way and not feel like a burden.

Even against the entire Port Mafia, with the stakes this high, the Agency sticks together.

Kunikida and Dazai are constantly at each other's throats, and yet they care about each other so much.

To the point Kunikida doesn't know what he'll do without him. That without Dazai I can't even face the Port Mafia, nevermind this threat.

And the first thing Dazai says to Sigma upon his release is that he missed having Kunikida around.

Kyouka wasn't even an official member, the city was going to be destroyed and Dazai spent the time telling her that people can change.

So that she'd pass her entrance exam and could survive.

In the Manga after Fukuzawa agrees to take Kyouka in, the police Detective comes in for a job and wonders if Kyouka is the killer they're after.

Atsushi makes up a story and when that doesn't do it, Fukuzawa straight up says she's his grand-daughter.

All this seconds after she becomes one of them.

Junichiro in his first mission with Atsushi, gets injured and tries to get him to leave them behind.

To save himself.

Kenji enters his rage state after Tecchou tells him that Atsushi is going to be tortured.

Fukuzawa literally breaks his own vow to work alone, every single time he recruits someone.

They are a family.

And it's not just them.

Kouyou was genuinely worried about Kyouka leaving the Port Mafia because she knows how it ended when she tried to leave.

She doesn't want the same fate for her.

Higuichi and the black lizards essentially defy orders to go rescue Akutugawa.

Because they care that much for him.

The scene of Kouyou, Chuuya and Mori drinking one of Chuuya's expensive treasured wines after saving the city really hits that home for me.

And that's without touching on Chuuya and Dazai's relationship, both in and out of the Port Mafia.

There's a lot of jibes, a lot of insults and a lot of care and trust.

And with family being such a theme, it makes me wonder if the two organisations that fell apart, were in part because they weren't a family.

The Guild and the Hunting Dogs.

Both organisations where everyone was essentially coworkers.

Lucy was dropped the minute she wasn't seen as useful anymore, becoming a traitor when she bonded with Atsushi.

Poe didn't care for the Guild, he just wanted to meet Ranpo.

Fitzgerald had a family he wanted to save (funny how he's the strongest member) and saw anyone else as pawns.

Nathaniel... Is fucking crazy but went off the deep end because he truly cared for Margaret and couldn't exist in an organisation he believes used her.

Leaving behind Fitzgerald and Louisa, who's bond becomes a lot more than simply a boss and his subordinate.

They genuinely care for each other and it's their teamwork that allows Fitzgerald to possess the eyes of God surveillance company.

As for the Hunting Dogs, Fukuchi wanted a team of soilders and realised too late they were more than that.

Tecchou throws aside justice to find Jouno.

Jouno found what it felt to care and help others and that fundamentally changed him.

Tachihara cares for them but he found his family and his place in Port Mafia.

He was able to go of his revenge for his brother, because he had already gained what he lost. He didn't need to keep hurting and hunting anymore.

One by one they all turn on Fukuchi, a man who believes in sacrificing 500 people to potentially save thousands.

He sees them as simply pawns, a means to an end and they turn their backs on him.

Breaking the hunting dogs and his rouse apart.

The irony being Fitzgerald was doing all of this for his wife and Fukuchi was doing it all for Fukuzawa.

... Idk if any of this makes sense but yeah 😅

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just-another-josh · 5 months

Text

Maroon

“You ARE using Myriad.”

“Lena, what are you doing here?”

“Question is, what are you doing here, Supergirl? I thought it was forbidden to use Myriad but forbidden for anyone but you.”

“There are people missing, dozens of them stuck in Obsidian's VR. I have to find them.”

“There are other ways to find people than Myriad. I can think of four off the top of my head, but you, you do what you want.”

“What I'm doing is finding people your brother disappeared.”

“Do you have any proof that it was Lex…no, I didn't think so. You just return to your default position of blaming a Luthor. You did tell me you'd treat me like a villain.”

“If you acted like one, yeah, I did say that. And right now, you're trespassing, and I don't have time for this. You need to go.”

“I'll leave when you stop using Myriad.”

“That's not gonna happen.”

“To think that I was sincere with you yesterday. Then I guess you're used to being two-faced.”

Kara stared blankly at the ceiling. When she arrived home, she hadn’t even bothered to get out of her Super-suit. She skipped her fridge, her appetite nonexistent. Hell, she hadn’t even bothered to turn the lights on, instead opting to faceplant into her bed.

It had been a miserable day…. scratch that, an exceptionally miserable day.

Now, mind you, not the worst day of her life; that distinguished honor belonged solely to the day she watched her planet die. Today wasn’t worse than the day Astra died, or the day Reign beat her into a coma, or the day she watched an antimatter wave destroy Argo (yes, it was later restored, but she didn’t know that at the time).

No, today’s suffering ranked somewhere between dating Mon-El and Alex having her memories of Kara’s secret identity removed, less about death and destruction and more about emotional damage.

It all started yesterday: Lena had come to her office and offered her condolences regarding Jeremiah’s death, even going so far as to provide her a copy of “Going On Being” to help her through the grieving process. It was an emotional albeit awkward exchange, but it was the first time since Lena had stolen Myriad that the two of them had spoken without any underlying hostility. It was the first time Kara had seen a glimmer of the old Lena; with all the warmth, kindness, and compassion that she knew her former best friend once felt toward her. There was no sign of hate or malice in her voice, just sympathy and understanding.

Rao, she even called her ‘Kara’.

It gave Kara hope. Hope that maybe this was Lena’s way of offering an olive branch. Hope that things weren’t so far gone between them that they couldn’t mend the bridge that had been razed by their lies. More importantly, hope that Kara could reveal to Lena all the other secrets that the CEO was still unaware of.

Unfortunately, today’s encounters with Lex, the Morae, the baby Sun-Eater, and Lena’s impromptu visit to the Fortress of Solitude had laid waste to Kara’s burgeoning hope.

If Kara was being honest with herself, the issues with Lex, the Morae, and Kal’s pet Sun-Eater (they were going to have a very long, unpleasant conversation about that the next time she saw him) were nothing exceptional, just an average Tuesday in the life of a Super. What kept her mind stuck in a cycle of self-flagellation was her argument with Lena. She continued to replay the conversation in her head and the more she dissected it, the angrier she became at herself.

To put it succinctly, she’d been stupid.

What she said was stupid.

What she did was stupid.

Stupid.

There were dozens of other things she could have said or done during their confrontation. Instead, she continued to throw more gasoline on the inferno their relationship had become. At this point, she’d lost count of how many asinine mistakes she’d made since Lena had entered her life.

The look on Lena’s face when she discovered she was using Myriad continued to haunt her. She could see anger, betrayal, and worst of all, disappointment written all over the CEO’s face. Kara continued to torture herself trying to figure out what Lena was most disappointed about. Was it Kara’s perceived hypocrisy regarding Myriad or was it her dismissive attitude towards Lena’s objections to her using it?

It occurred to her that maybe Lena put just as much value as she did in their conversation at CatCo the previous day. Maybe she was just as hopeful that they were on their way to repairing their tattered relationship, only to have the possibility utterly crushed.

All Kara knew at this point was that any chance of mending her broken heart had been ripped away and she had no one to blame but herself.

Compounding all of this was a nagging question that was quickly forcing its way into the forefront of Kara’s thoughts; something Lena had said during their brief tête-à-tête. It was a throwaway observation that Lena had made that, at the time, had been overshadowed by much more biting, cruel remarks. On the surface, it seemed completely benign, but as Kara often did, she pulled the statement apart piece by piece hoping to find if there was something she was missing. Some hidden clue that might provide her with a way to unfuck the situation.

Kara’s frustration was maxing out her patience. Under normal circumstances, if she was confused by something someone had said, she’d just ask them for clarification. But that wasn’t possible with Lena. She’d made it very clear that Kara was persona non grata at both her penthouse and L-Corp. She’d be pissed if Kara showed up unannounced at either location just to ask her to explain her comment. It would be reckless and stupid to just fly to wherever Lena was and confront her. She would have to be out of her mind to even contemplate being within a hundred yards of Lena after what transpired today.

Right?

Well…it would be if Kara didn’t have a plan.

A plan like the one she had just come up with.

Kara shut her eyes and tuned out the cacophony of sounds surrounding her to find a very specific heartbeat.

Kara sprung from her bed and made a mad dash to grab her cellphone off the kitchen counter; rapidly pulling up Alex’s contact.

*****

After a quick stop at the Tower to pick up the “package” that Alex had prepared for her, Kara continued on to her final destination.

Two hundred yards out from Lena’s penthouse, Kara’s super-hearing picked up the sound of proximity sensors alerting Lena to her approach. She heard Lena’s heartbeat spike at the automated notification accompanied shortly thereafter by a few sniffles. It sounded like the CEO was or had recently been crying. As much as Kara wanted to use her x-ray vision to confirm her suspicions, she didn’t want to violate Lena’s privacy any further than she already had by showing up unannounced.

Kara started getting nervous that Lena wasn’t going to come out, but before her anxiety could spiral any further, her former best friend emerged from the hallway; her gait as she approached the sliding glass door leading to the balcony indicated she was less than pleased with Kara’s impromptu visit. Kara was too distracted to notice Lena’s aggressive approach; her attention firmly focused on Lena’s attire. The CEO was clad in the same suit she wore when she confronted Kara in the Fortress earlier that day. Too distracted at the time to give it more than a passing glance, all the air escaped Kara’s lungs now that she was able to get a thorough view. She couldn’t help but admire the sharp, formfitting cut of the dark-hued suit, but her focus quickly shifted to the scintillating top that accompanied it. Kara licked her suddenly dry lips as she regarded the lace, floral print mock-neck top, and more importantly, the way it hugged Lena’s body like a second skin. She looked every bit the powerful, commanding, confident CEO. In Kara’s eyes, she looked like a goddess and, as far as Kara was concerned, she deserved to be worshipped like one.

Kara’s appreciation (appropriate or not, she couldn’t decide), was quickly tempered by the sobering thought that not too long ago, she would’ve been able to gush to Lena about how handsome she looked. Lena, as per usual, would try to take the compliment in stride, but her blushing cheeks and elevated heartbeat would give away how much she appreciated it.

But that was a lifetime ago, or what seemed like one. Until yesterday, Kara hadn’t been able to be in the same room as her without Lena’s resentment, pain, and feelings of betrayal enveloped them both, much less pay her a compliment about how stunning she looked.

Kara’s attention was quickly drawn back to reality as Lena stepped onto the balcony; the CEO was brandishing a very large blaster cannon. The cannon was clearly one of Lena’s custom jobs as it appeared to be constructed with an amalgam of alien parts.

“I don’t have time for any more of your bullshit, Supergirl!” Lena’s rage was on full display; her adrenaline infused heart thundered loudly. “You have five seconds to get the hell out of my airspace or I start shooting!” Lena furiously demanded.

So much for the warm welcome. Not that Kara expected one, but this…seemed a bit over the top.

Kara apparently wasn’t moving fast enough to comply with Lena’s command. The CEO activated the cannon and pointed it at Kara. “It’s not Kryptonite and it won’t kill you, but it’s got enough kick to knock you on your perfectly sculpted ass!”

Kara tilted her head to the side, confusion etched on her face from the off-hand comment. She decided to file it away for another day when she saw an orange glow coming from the cannon’s muzzle and Lena cocking her head to sight-in her target.

It was now or never.

“Would have helped me?” Kara yelled out.

“What?” Lena’s position remained unchanged.

“You said back at the Fortress that you knew at least four different ways to find the trapped Obsidian users, would you have helped me if I’d asked?” Kara did her best to keep her voice steady, hoping that Lena wouldn’t pick up on her anxiety.

Lena seemed taken aback by the question. Her brows furrowed, jaw clenched, and green eyes locked on Kara as she considered the question. Kara remained silent, floating quietly and not making any effort to get closer to the balcony. The quiet stand-off continued for another minute before Kara noticed Lena’s hands begin shaking from beneath the cannon. Kara could see the internal struggle going on inside Lena based on the conflicted look on the brunette’s face. Lena’s breathing intensified and her heartbeat became more rapid. Anyone who didn’t know the CEO’s facial tics would say she looked like she was in physical pain, but Kara knew better. She knew Lena’s logical side was currently warring with her emotions. She also knew that the best thing to do when Lena got into this type of headspace was to shut up and patiently wait for her to reengage.

With a flash of gnashed teeth and a frustrated growl, Lena powered down the cannon and lowered it to her side. Her eyes remained locked on Kara’s, but the tense look on her face softened into a resigned expression. She breathed out a long sigh, shut her eyes, and hesitantly nodded.

Kara let loose a relieved sigh and allowed herself a small grin. She regained Lena’s attention and motioned towards the balcony. “May I?”

Lena rolled her eyes and made an overdramatic wave signaling Kara to land. She unceremoniously dropped the laser cannon atop the smooth surface of the railing and turned back to face the slowly descending Kryptonian.

Kara’s boots lightly padded on the balcony as she landed; the hero made sure to allow Lena plenty of personal space. Despite the distance between them, Kara was able to confirm her theory when she first arrived: Lena had indeed been crying; evidenced by her puffy, red eyes.

Lena squared her shoulders and leveled Kara with a glare that fell somewhere between annoyed and homicidal; Kara was hoping it was closer to the former. “So what is it tonight, Supergirl? Begging for forgiveness or threatening me again?” Kara flinched from the blatant hostility. The scowl on Lena’s face drove a red-hot poker through Kara’s heart.

“No, nothing like that.” Kara reached into her belt and produced a flash drive. “I came to bring you this,” she said as she held up the pinky-sized device for Lena to view.

Lena cast a suspicious look towards Kara. “What is that?”

Kara contemplated pointing out that it was a flash drive but refrained; Lena was clearly not in a joking mood. “It’s a copy of the database from the Tower. Incident reports, field reports, surveillance footage, research, psych profiles, intelligence reports…basically everything we’ve compiled since the creation of Earth-Prime.”

Lena covered her surprise behind a loud throat clearing. “Intelligence reports on what exactly?”

Kara knew this would be the first thing Lena would focus on and had her response pre-loaded. “Obsidian, Andrea, Ben Lockwood, The DEO, Leviathan, Eve Teschmacher, Lex-”

“Of course,” Lena interrupted, practically sneering.

Kara ignored the comment. “And you,” she finished, locking eyes with Lena.

Lena’s mouth gaped open at Kara’s admission but she quickly regained her composure, her expressionless veneer now firmly in place. “Why are you giving this to me?”

Kara nervously chewed her bottom lip. Her plan really didn’t involve a well thought out and rehearsed speech; Kara knew she would have forgotten every line once she faced Lena. Instead, she decided to let her words be guided by a singular directive:

Tell her the truth.

“I’m putting all my…our cards on the table so you can have an idea of what we’re up against. I want you to review the information and draw your own conclusions…then…maybe you can figure out where you fit into all this, instead of me telling you where you should be.” Lena remained silent; her face completely unreadable. Kara fought to mirror Lena’s stoicism but couldn’t hide her slight fidget. “And, selfishly, we could really use your help. The team hasn’t been the same since you…left.”

“Something tells me your sister would be less than thrilled if she found out you were giving me this.”

“Who do you think helped me put this together?” Kara said proudly, not even trying to hide her smile.

“You’ll have to excuse me if I don’t believe you,” Lena bit back.

Kara’s smile quickly disappeared, replaced by a crestfallen look. “That’s fair.” She forced herself to meet Lena’s icy glare head-on. “And why should you? All I’ve done is tell you that you should trust me and then shown you the complete opposite with my actions.”

“Is that why you’re giving that to me?” Lena nodded toward the flash drive still in Kara’s hand. “Is that your grand gesture to show your trustworthiness?”

Kara shrugged her shoulders, a sad smile on her face. “It would be great if you genuinely saw it that way but, no, there’s no strings attached.”

“Seems a bit risky to trust such sensitive information to a villain.” Lena’s voice was pure venom.

Kara involuntarily shuttered, a chill running through her spine at Lena’s brazen contempt. The hero ran a hand through her hair attempting to quell her feelings of shame and embarrassment that threatened to overwhelm her.

Tell her the truth.

Kara huffed out a sigh and placed the flash drive back into her belt. “I think we can both agree that me calling you a villain was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever said.” Kara dared to make eye contact with Lena only to receive a head tilt and raised brow from the CEO. “If you’re willing to humor me for a minute, I’d like to explain what happened that night,” Kara said with a hopeful look. Lena remained impassive; Kara took her lack of response as consent to continue. “You’re probably not going to believe me…no, I guarantee you won’t believe me, but earlier that evening I was visited by a fifth dimensional imp who showed me four different timelines where I told you I was Supergirl before Lex did.” Lena scoffed in disbelief, but Kara chose not to acknowledge her outburst. “All of them were a complete disaster no matter how early in our friendship I told you.” The memories of that night flooded back into her mind, forcing Kara to swallow the lump forming in her throat. “You ended up either dead or mutilated in three of the four timelines.” Kara’s eyes became glassy. “It scared the hell out of me, Lena, because even though none of those timelines were real, they reminded me of how vulnerable you are; especially now that you’re working with…” Kara trailed off and took a shaky breath. “It terrifies me that you’re working with Lex. I’m so scared that one day he’s going to decide he doesn’t need you anymore or he wants payback against you for shooting him and puts a bullet in the back of your head.” Kara began to choke up, her breath coming out in stuttering waves.

Lena watched on, her icy façade slowly melting as Kara endeavored to even out her breathing. Once she was able to compose herself, Kara’s watery blue eyes met with the CEO’s. “I can accept that you don’t want me in your life; I hate it, but I can accept it as long as I know you’re happy and thriving. But what I could never accept…could never live with…is a world without you in it.” Kara’s eyes began to glow; her face twisted with barely contained fury. “If Lex…if he took you from…if he killed you, I would track him down and tear him apart piece by piece until he begged me to kill him…and Rao help anyone who got in my way,” Kara choked out with a growl.

Lena’s brow furrowed and her mouth fell slightly open as she tried to process Kara’s chilling admission. Kara’s eyes cooled as she slowly composed herself. She took a step towards Lena. Much to her surprise, the CEO made no effort to step back. The two stood just out of arm’s length from each other. “So, when I landed here that night, I was so afraid that I decided to go the tough love route and give you some bullshit ultimatum that I knew was going to fail even before I finished saying it.” Kara’s entire body tensed, her balled up fists dug into her thighs as waves of shame rolled through her body. She took another step towards Lena. “I was so scared and desperate to get you away from him that I stupidly thought threats would be more effective than trying to reason with you.” Kara shook her head in disgust, jaw tightly clenched.

“You could have just talked to me,” Lena timidly admitted. “I might not have given you the warmest response, but I would have listened.”

Kara could see that Lena’s features had significantly softened. The hero thought she may have detected a hint of warmth and compassion in those hypnotic green eyes. Kara hesitantly grinned, not completely sure how to react to Lena’s changed demeanor, but it was short-lived. She was swiftly overcome with guilt; a forlorn look darkened her features.

“That would have been a kindness I didn’t…I don’t deserve.” Kara shook her head again, internally chastising herself. With a start, she realized that she was mere feet from Lena. As their eyes met for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, Kara was close enough to see the different shades in each of Lena’s irises. Kara could see that Lena’s hardened resolve had dissipated into a hesitant vulnerability.

Tell her the truth.

“Lena, I didn’t listen to you,” Kara said contritely. “You were right, what you said when you took Myriad. You told me about all the people you loved that betrayed you, but I didn’t listen. You begged me, in ways both said and unsaid, not to violate your trust, but I didn’t listen.” Kara could see Lena’s eyes become glassy with unshed tears, a slight tremble in her lip. Fighting back her own tears, Kara took another shaky breath. “Instead, I listened to my fears and the fears of others…people who, at first, couldn’t get passed your last name and wouldn’t even bother to try and get to know and understand you. I let those fears distract me from what you wanted, what you needed from me. I let those fears convince me that knowing my identity would put you in greater danger, which I know now is just ridiculous. I let those fears stop me from showing you my whole self because they told me you only wanted ‘Kara Danvers’, not ‘Kara Zor-El’. Worst of all, I let those fears convince me that you’d hate me, and that I’d lose you forever.”

Both women had tears streaming down their faces, so completely lost in each other’s eyes that they didn’t bother wiping them away. “I didn’t listen to you…to my heart, and if it costs me you, I will regret that decision for the rest of my life.”

Kara reflexively extended her hand towards Lena but quickly stopped herself when she realized what she was doing. Lena gave no indication that she saw Kara’s aborted attempt, the CEO simply continued to remain fixated on the hero’s eyes, conflicting emotions playing across her face. Kara shut her eyes and took a deep breath; her tightened eyelids unleashed a waterfall of unshed tears. They stood entranced with each other for an indeterminate amount of time before Kara, clearing her throat, snapped them out of it.

The two backed away from each other a few steps and began haphazardly wiping their tears away. Once her eyes were sufficiently cleared, Kara could see Lena’s features harden again, though with less intensity than when she first arrived at the CEO’s penthouse.

Kara could see that Lena was clearly debating with herself but before Kara could ask why, Lena held out her hand. “I’ll take the drive,” she said with calm certainty.

As she retrieved the flash drive from her belt, Kara fought to keep her enthusiasm contained, managing to limit her reaction to a tight grin.

Lena rolled her eyes and reached out for the proffered drive. As the device changed hands, their fingers brushed together. Kara’s super-hearing missed the flutter of Lena’s heartbeat, too distracted by her own thundering pulse that threatened to force her heart from her chest. “No strings?” Lena asked sternly, holding the flash drive at eye level.

“No strings.” Kara assured her with a smile.

“Okay,” Lena replied with hesitancy in her voice, placing the drive in her suit pocket. “I hope you know this doesn’t fix everything.”

Kara ruefully smiled. “I know.” The hero shifted uneasily. “But maybe this could be a start to repairing things…repairing us?” she said with a hopeful look.

Lena leveled Kara with a nervous glance before giving her a curt nod. “Um…so…if that’s all, I’m going to go to bed. It’s…been a long day,” Lena said awkwardly.

“Oh, yeah, right. Crazy day…uh…I’m sure you’re exhausted. Me too. Today’s been a real backbreaker…yeah, I should probably head home too…get some sleep…Oh! Maybe dinner first! Yeah, dinner first, then sleep.” Kara rambled through jittery hands, a slight dusting of pink on her cheeks.

Lena shook her head and turned to enter her penthouse, pulling the hair tie from her ponytail as she neared the backdoor.

Kara watched as Lena’s hair cascaded down her shoulders. She was suddenly struck by a wave of anxiety. Her conversation with Lena had gone better than expected, but Kara had so much more she wanted to say, and she feared she wouldn’t get the opportunity. She was afraid that somehow this tentative…well, whatever it was, would fall apart. She started to panic. Her chest felt like someone was sitting on it, an anxious knot formed in her stomach, and she could feel a lump forming in her throat.

Tell her the truth.

“Lena!” She blurted out without thinking.

The CEO was startled by the hero’s outburst and turned to face her, a yearning, drained look on her face.

“Lena I lo-” Kara’s entire body felt like it was on fire. Now confronted by the moment she so dearly wanted; she froze. She knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to tell her how much she missed her, how much she wanted to hold her, kiss her, and never let her go.

She wanted to tell Lena that she loved her more than anything in the multiverse.

But now wasn’t the time, she knew that deep in her heart. To tell Lena how she really felt about her would be too much, too soon. Their reconciliation was in its infancy, and Kara wasn’t going to jeopardize it by dropping a nuclear-sized emotion bomb on her. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

Tell her the truth…when it’s time.

“I love your suit. It’s a…I mean you look…really…” Kara was blushing so hard her cheeks were burning. “…maroon’s a good color on you,” she finally managed to stammer out.

It was apparent that Lena wasn’t expecting the compliment; the blush on her cheeks indicated as much. She averted her eyes from Kara’s gaze and timidly tucked some errant strands of hair behind her ear. Kara couldn’t help the satisfied smile that stretched across her lips; thrilled by Lena’s reaction. For a fleeting moment, it felt like old times, a hopeful reminder that not everything between them was irreparably broken.

Kara’s triumphant moment ended abruptly when Lena caught sight of the hero’s giddiness. Her shyness bled away and was replaced with an air of forced indifference. “Actually, it’s burgundy,” she pointed out haughtily.

“Oh,” Kara said bashfully; her embarrassment coloring her cheeks once again. “Well, you still look pretty handsome in it,” the hero responded sincerely, a look of reverence on her face.

Disarmed by Kara’s candidness, Lena’s regal stature quickly deflated. “Thank you,” she said sheepishly.

Kara’s smile became impossibly brighter. “Goodnight, Lena.” The hero lifted off from the balcony and leisurely coasted away.

Lena watched as her red cape disappeared into the night, a soft grin on her face. “Goodnight, Kara.”

#supercorp #supercorptober2023 #kara danvers #lena luthor #fix it fic #supergirl cw #angst with a hopeful ending

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