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#okay this is kinda dark but everything is so fucked up in the world recently
sunlightmurdock · 1 year
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My Future in You | 2.0 | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader au
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Synopsis: Bradley’s twenty-two years old and not where he’s supposed to be. He’s supposed to be out of the academy by now. Instead, he’s retaking his senior year of college and praying to god that he gets into flight school. Mav’s gone, his mom’s gone. He’s mad at the world. Then, a hook up at a Halloween party changes his future even more than he could have imagined.
Warnings: accidental pregnancy, references to abortion in a few chapters, angst, will be fluff eventually, will be smut so 18+, enemies to lovers kinda thing, time jump of a month and a half / two months
“Your sister is fucking insane.” Bradley grunts.
“Shut up and just lift your end,” Jake demands, straying under the weight of lifting his end of the couch. A soft sigh and the two of them lift again, hoisting more than their combined body weight’s worth of sectional sofa. “And she wasn’t crazy until you got her pregnant.”
“I can hear you!” You call back from the small kitchen. Sitting cross-legged on the black and white diamond shaped tile, surrounded by boxes and new plates and bubble wrap. Your system for unpacking is fool-proof and they’ll just get in the way if they try to help. That’s why you’ve had them rearrange the layout of the living room three times already.
There isn’t too much left in your life that you have control over these days. Graduating two years early, at the top of your class, and the only people there to be proud of you were your big brother and the guy who got you pregnant. Delaying your grad job, which you worked your ass off to get, until after you’ve given birth. Finding out you had been approved to switch to their Florida office in an email from your father’s secretary.
Moving to a place you’ve never been before, with a guy you didn’t even like up until recently. Carrying a child that’ll probably never have a name because you and Bradley barely agree on anything. Knowing that Jake, your only constant through this entire ordeal, is shipping off to basic training in a day and a half.
Everything’s hurtling forwards, you can practically hear the time rushing by like wind in your ears. Dragged along with it, no choice but to keep up, there’s a voice in your head that keeps telling you it’s okay to be scared. You just aren’t sure if it’s okay to be this scared.
He’s moving around more and more these days, growing stronger and bigger. His kicks are no longer butterflies in your tummy, but now pinpointed and real, which is terrifying in itself. More recently, you’ve been wondering if he can feel how afraid you are. You don’t want him to worry.
By hell or high water, you’re going to give this little boy all the love that you’ve got. Afraid or not, he needs you and you’ll keep going for him. Being good for him is just about all you can manage. That, and unpacking the way that you need to.
Setting the plates in a cabinet, stacking bowls, glasses in an overhead cupboard. Ignoring Jake and Bradley’s bickering to the best of your ability.
Florida’s even hotter than you were expecting. It’s the last day of May and the air conditioning isn’t getting fixed until tomorrow. Home is no longer an upstairs apartment or a cramped room on the first floor of a fraternity. It’s now an almost two bedroom downstairs unit on a quiet, residential street in west Pensacola.
Living room with fireplace, fully equipped kitchen with new stove and refrigerator. Dark brown, LVP floors and new paint throughout. You have your own Lanai and storage outside unit. Also includes washer and dryer. This northeast location is tucked away in a private dead end street but has easy access to the new University shopping area. It’s nice for a first place. The bedroom is a decent size, and the spare room will work as a nursery, even if its intended purpose was an office.
Your relationship with Bradley has turned into a type of Schrödinger problem. Neither together nor apart. Sharing a room, preparing to share a life, with little more in common than the future you roped him into. He seems excited now. He’s jealous that you can feel the baby and that he can’t. He’s looking forward to meeting his son.
But, as you turn your head and look through the archway, towards him wiping sweat from his brow in the living room, guilt surges through you. Wearing gym shorts and a backwards cap, those stupid roman numerals tattooed on his bicep as he sighs softly and leans his head back, he looks so young.
You’re younger, but this decision was yours. You wonder if he would choose this if he got to do it all over again. Certainly not. All those years of carefree fun, getting to be himself finally, figuring out who he is. Now, those years belong to your son. Swallowing softly, you turn your attention back to the only thing that you can control.
Arranging spices in the rack hung over the stove.
The afternoon hurtles by just as quickly as all of the other days have recently. The routine is the same. Jake takes the couch, glad that Bradley sprung for the corner sectional that’s just about as good as sleeping on the mattress. After a day of not really talking, Bradley slips into bed beside you.
It’s never awkward, but it probably should be. Sharing all of this. A lease, a child, a future, with someone that isn’t even really yours.
“Man, I am fucking exhausted.” Bradley mumbles as his head hits the pillow, exhaling slowly into the comfort of this new space. Your first night in your new home with him. So, you connect with him in just about the only way you ever have.
Even with this protruding, exceedingly rounded stomach, somehow he still wants to fuck you at every opportunity he gets. Looking in the mirror these days is getting harder. It’s not that you have an issue with the way you look now, you think the bump is actually kind of cute. It’s just that you don’t look anything like you used to, and you’re starting to wonder if you’ll ever be that girl again.
Running your fingers through his curls, you lean over and kiss his temple softly. He hums at the feeling, reaching out and resting his hand on your hip. He turns his head and waits for you to kiss him without opening his eyes. You press your lips softly to his, his fingers curling softly to press into the fabric of your shorts. You ask gently, lips grazing his, “Too tired?”
His lips tilt up into a soft smile as he runs his fingers along the waistband of your bottoms, brown eyes flickering up to meet yours, “Never been too tired for sex.”
Turning the two of you over, he settles between your legs, working his talented mouth along all the exposed skin that he can reach.
Curling his fingers into your roots, he moans softly into the curve of your jaw, pressing delicate kisses along your throat. Part of these past few weeks has been learning your cues, your sweet spots and your sensitivities. He’s getting good at it. It’s right as you hum and lift your hips eagerly against his that there’s a sharp jolt, a soft, dull pain as the impact hits your mid-section.
Bradley sits back quickly on his knees.
You groan in complaint, rubbing over the sore spot at the top of your developing bump. It’s only once you lean your head back to sigh in complaint that you clock the look on his face. Eyes blown wide, lips parted, staring at you like you just grew a second head.
Over the past few weeks, the little guy has been getting more and more active. Wriggling around a lot, you’ve been feeling him almost constantly the past few days. It has been ridiculously frustrating, suffering in silence, Bradley constantly frowning and telling you that he can’t feel anything. The realization comes quickly.
“Was that him?” Bradley breathes out softly, brows scrunching together.
You push yourself up on your elbows, lips quirking softly. The pregnancy websites said that Bradley should have been able to feel the kicks about a week ago, you were getting worried. Bradley reaches out again and tenderly rests his hands against the bottom of your rounded stomach.
The two of you wait patiently for it to happen again, Bradley’s lips falling into a disappointed frown as your baby stops kicking. He sighs, moving to lie down beside you and smoothing his hand over the top of your stomach as he kisses your cheek.
“I’m jealous that you get to feel him all the time, moving around in there,” He mumbles, shaking his head softly. “It’s like you’ve met him already and I have to wait three more months.”
You scoff, settling down onto the sheets that you had picked out, staring at the white ceiling, “I don’t think you’d be as jealous if he was kicking your bladder like he kicks mine.”
“Probably no—“ As Bradley speaks, your lips part, jolted by another soft kick. He raises his eyebrows as you grab one of his hands and place it over your stomach. Nothing again. He furrows his brows slightly, glancing up at you expectantly.
“Say something.” You prod him.
“Um… like what? — I don’t know what to say to a —“ His sentence stops abruptly, jaw hanging open as he feels a small but unmistakable kick against his palm. “Holy shit, that’s what you’ve been feel— He did it again!”
You giggle, resting your hand on top of Bradley’s as he beams at you, “I think he likes your voice.”
His eyes widen slightly, making him look even younger than he is. It’s hard to tell whether it’s excitement or fear on his face to begin with. He leans down and presses lips to your stomach.
“I am so,” he stops, kissing your skin tenderly again, hands cradling your growing bump. “So excited to meet you, little man.”
Your heart feels like it just about splits into two and you aren’t even sure why. It’s supposed to be a happy moment. You should be happy about this. Bradley feels a slight hiccup and glances up. Your eyes are filled with tears, stinging and threatening to spill out onto your cheeks.
“Hey,” Bradley says softly as he shifts up the bed and wraps his arms around you. “Hey… it’s okay. What’s wrong?”
You swallow, trying to hold in a sob that consumes your chest and strangles your vocal chords. Sniffling, you rest your head against his shoulder. “Do you wish that we weren’t having him?”
His brows scrunch together as he tries to piece together what about that interaction could have possibly given you that impression.
“Of course not! — Where’s this coming from?” He frowns, resting his cheek against the top of your head as he smooths his fingers along your back. You’re in your third trimester now, and the pregnancy websites said that your hormones might be kind of out of whack. But you got through graduation without a hitch.
It’s as the thought crosses his mind that you break in his arms. Hunching forwards, sobbing into your hands, covering your mouth so that Jake won’t hear you crying from the living room.
“Hey… did — did I say something wrong?” Bradley asks gently, face creasing in concern. He kisses your shoulder. “I’m sorry, I—“
You sniffle and shake your head. “Don’t say sorry. Please.”
“…Okay,” He smooths his palm tenderly along your spine once again, now totally lost. “Babe, I think you’re gonna have to spell it out for me here. What should I do?”
It’s not fair on him, any of this. You pull yourself together long enough to wipe your tear-stained cheeks and string together a sentence. “Just… if we could go back and do it all again, would you… do it like this?”
“I’d probably have suggested a plan B or something.”
You look up, eyes filled with tears, throat burning.
“I’m sorry, bad time for a joke,” He shakes his head quickly and kisses your forehead. “Look, we both know that this wasn’t planned. But it happened, it’s happening — and no, I don’t regret being here with you.”
You allow yourself to sink into his arms as he kisses the top of your head and squeezes you softly.
“Is everything okay with you?” His fingers graze along the nape of your neck and over your shoulder softly. “You’ve not really said a lot to me since graduation.”
He smooths his hand over your stomach, feeling another soft kick against his palm. It’s almost midnight now, he hopes that this kid isn’t going to be this much of a night owl once it’s born.
“Everything’s just moving really fast.” You say quietly as you settle back down onto your side. Bradley copies, laying on his side so that he’s facing you, his stomach pressed to yours. He nods slowly. “Jake’s leaving, and you’re starting work, and my parents still won’t talk to me. The baby doesn’t even have a name. I’m just scared.”
He leans forwards and kisses your mouth softly. “We’ll figure it out.”
A dry laugh escapes your lips, it’s a helpless thing, really. You wipe the tears from your cheeks and shake your head slowly, “How are you so chilled out about this?”
“I’m not,” He promises, voice quiet, something in the way that he looks at you so earnestly makes you soften. “I’m scared too. But we’ll figure it out.”
A silence lingers between the two of you. No more tears, no more lump in your throat, your heart rate slowing enough that you think you might actually manage to sleep tonight. Bradley leans forwards and kisses your cheek, then flicks off the bedside lamp.
You turn onto your other side and he presses himself into your back, wrapping an arm around you and resting it against your stomach. He’s been sleeping like this for the past week straight. It always settles his racing mind. Having both of you in his arms.
He’s warm. Lips press gently to your neck and he hums softly into the curve of your neck.
You exhale softly, shuffling back against his bare chest. This feels awfully grown up. Seven months pregnant, laying skin to skin, in your new shared home.
The next morning, it’s time to drive Jake to the airport. Basic training is three months long. The next time he sees you, you’ll be a mother.
“I love you,” He says softly, wrapping his arms around you. Your stomach bumps into his as you hug him. He’s still getting used to that. “I’m gonna be back before you know it.”
“I know, I know,” You breathe out, squeezing him tighter and then patting his back as you let go. “Just be safe. Don’t do anything stupid.”
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Jake chuckles, giving a quick shrug as he picks his bag up from the floor and slings it over his shoulder. His attention turns to Bradley. “Take care of my sister, Bradshaw.”
“Always.” Bradley answers. You turn your head and scrunch your brows slightly as you look up at him. He drapes an arm around your shoulder and offers Jake a sincere smile.
As Jake turns and heads towards his gate, the two of you are left together. Him still leaning into your side. Always. You stare at him. Flushed skin, wearing a faded grateful dead t-shirt and blue jeans, smiling at you.
Just you and him. Alone, in a new state. Him swearing always and you staying up at night and wondering if there’s even a tomorrow between the two of you.
Ten weeks left until your due date.
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redbleedingrose · 1 year
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Always - Part 6
Azriel x Reader
Summary: You and Azriel have been best friends for years after you joined the inner circle as the top healer in Velaris. But with Elain and Nesta’s recent arrival, Azriel has begun to ignore your friendship in favor of being together with Elain. You are heartbroken, and it is Starfall where you will be confined in the house of wind with Azriel and Elain. Everything will be okay though… right?
Warnings: Smut (Minors DNI, 18+), angst, straight up angst, cursing, first time writing Word count ~ 4.8k. Masterlist  Part 7
A/N: Hello my lovely readers!!! Thank you so much for your patience and everlasting support. The end is fucking near!!!!! I think part 7 may be your last part followed with an epilogue. I really struggled to write the smut in this chapter, and its kinda shocking considering the amount of smut I read lmfao. But, we got through it. Step 1 studying is keeping me busy, so please send some positive vibes. I love your comments, reblogs, likes, and asks, so please please please keep them coming. I am in constant need of validation as a writer; any interaction means so much to me. I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I did, and as always (no pun intended), I hope it does the other parts justice. 
Azriel shushes you, kissing away the tears that had rolled down your cheeks, “I will Y/N,” he whispers into his kisses. His scarred hands traveled up your waist from where he was straddling you, up to your hands that lay beside your head, fisting the silk sheets beneath. His fingers gently pull your grasp open before intertwining your hands together, his half-lidded gaze meets yours as he peers into your soul. The only sounds filling your bedroom are the sounds of your breath mixing with his. The only light in the room is coming from the fire cracking in the hearth, darkness swarms the room as his shadows cocoon you both into the bed. Impatience was growing steadily within you, you arched your back, bucking your hips against his, “Az- please,” but he only pressed further into you, stopping any movement. But you felt it, his hard length catching right where you needed him, his membranous wings flared out covering the entire bed. A whimper escaped you as your eyes fluttered shut, remembering the drunk conversations with Morr and Feyre about the correlation of wing span and a not so inconspicuous part of Illyrian males. “Patience dove, We have all the time in the world. You’re mine.” 
You wanted to snark back at him. But you couldn't, not when the smell of his arousal overwhelmed every one of your senses. Gods, you wanted him desperate for you. You wanted him to be frenzied for you. 
Finally, after what felt like centuries trapped beneath him in waiting, Azriel squeezed your hands thrice, “Open your eyes for me, sweetheart.” You forced your eyes open as he dropped his head into your neck, pressing rough kisses into your skin as his fingers moved to play with the waistband of your pants. He kept moving up and down, kissing and licking every inch of your skin, trying to find your most sensitive part that would cause you to shatter beneath him. Breathless. You were fucking breathless. You couldn’t breathe. Every part of you was consumed by him. And he was only fucking kissing your neck. But you never wanted him to stop. You wanted him to kiss you forever. You wanted him to love on you forever. He shuddered against you when he lapped at your skin, allowing himself to savor your taste. Your moan fused with your gasp right when he bit into that juncture between your neck and collarbone, arching your back, trying to egg him on. He shifted swiftly, focusing his efforts onto suckling at the tender spot, soothing it in apology as your skin darkened.
He slowly pulled away, like he was struggling to do so, like he wanted to continue devouring your neck, and turned his half lidded gaze to you, tugging at your pants, silently asking for permission. Puffs of breath between you intermingled as you leaned your head back into the soft pillow behind you, closing your eyes once again as you nodded lightly, the excitement, the anticipation of it all, overwhelming you. That's how it was with Az, overwhelming. Even when you were just friends, every part of him was all consuming. You could never get enough. Azriel, ever the inquisitive one, received your signal almost immediately, tugging your pants off in a smooth motion. 
His breath caught, head falling into your shoulder as he caught sight of your throbbing sex. Every drop of pleasure drips down to your thighs and onto the bed. You shivered when he bit into your shoulder this time, hard, teeth leaving indents into the smooth skin. “Mother above,” he rasped out, “No panties sweetheart?” He let out a shaky breath, the scent of his arousal became much more potent in your bedroom, and he gripped your chin, pulling you forward, “Eyes open, Y/N.” An order from the spymaster that had your eyes shooting open. The tone in his voice to anyone else would have had them trembling at their knees, begging for mercy, but here, with you, that tone. That voice. It told you everything. It told you that he was losing control, quickly, and that he was desperately trying to get a handle on it. 
You smirked up at him, finally having the upper hand. You didn’t need to respond, you had him just where you wanted him, just where you needed him. Every second that passed between you felt more urgent then the next. And he was going to give in. Give in to you.This patient act of the spymaster was just that, an act. Gods, it was practically his job to be patient, but you knew. You were seconds from pushing him over the edge, and you knew that when he would fall over, only carnal desire would be left in him. You hiked your legs onto his hip, giving him full view and access to your cunt. He sucked in a sharp breath as his digits dipped into your folds, stroking up to your clit, circling once, tightly, before pulling away, enjoying himself as he watched you respond to his touch. Gods, you could scream. Rumor has it Az was the darkest and the most relentless in his bedroom activities compared to his brothers. Cauldron boil you, his endless teasing was only proof. And you wanted it to stop. But you also wanted him to keep going, to see how far he could push you into depravity, as shameless as it sounded. 
His grip on your chin turned your gaze away from him and towards his glistening fingers that he had lifted into view, soaked with your arousal as he brought them up to his lips, sucking off the juices as he whined out at your taste. “This all for me, Dove?” 
He sounded… Gods, he sounded intoxicated. Intoxicated off you. You whimpered in response, nodding eagerly, trying to get him to touch you, to fuck you, anything as all the blood rushed down to where you ached. You flung your arms away from their resting place beside you, and reached down to tear his shirt off, desperate for more. Desperate for more contact. Desperate for more skin. Desperate for him. The spymaster’s teasing left you insatiable, you couldn't get enough, you could never get enough. Before you could lift his shirt up past his waist, his shadows gripped onto your wrists, pulling them away and locking them up above your head. Restraining you from another further movement. 
The shadowsinger’s chest rose and fell with harsh breaths, as he tried to collect himself from your admission, his restraint completely lost. He tapped at your thighs, and unlatched your legs from his waist silently, fingers moving to grip your thighs as he lowered himself to face your sex, like he needed some kind of support to keep him from collapsing. He breathed in once, twice, hazel eyes rolling back at your scent, before blowing his exhale onto the sensitive skin causing you to writhe, “Az, please.” You didn’t know how much more waiting you could handle. You felt like you were going to explode. His eyes locked onto yours, the sudden voice knocking him out of his stupor. His swollen lips lifted into a smirk at you, “So needy for me, dove,” before he latched onto your core and moaned into you. 
You jerked against his lips, panting out his name, trying to squeeze your legs shut at the sudden electrifying sensation. You almost fell apart right then and there, you whimpered at him, “Fuck baby.” His fingers clenched at your thighs, his grip tight enough to leave light bruising for you to deal with in the morning, and his shadows wrapped around your ankles, pulling you apart to hold you open for him to feast upon. He gave you a long broad stroke through your folds before he swirled his tongue around your clit, over and over and over and over again. He pulled back for just a second to blow a whisper of air on it, the cool air caused your entire body to shudder, before going back in to lick, suck, kiss at the flesh. His scarred digits brushed against your opening, circling it a couple of times as his tongue flicked his name onto your mound before pushing in. 
Your jaw dropped, as he stroked one finger, and then two, and then three, into your silky inner walls. Pounding his fingers in and out, in and out, with no mercy. His fingers curved and hit the spongy part of your inner wall spontaneously, a strangled noise left you as he adjusted his focus onto rubbing right there. He huskily purred into you, “taste so good f’me sweetheart.” Your cunt clamped down at his words, trying to keep him inside, begging him to keep going, begging him to never stop.
Your heart was racing out of your chest, every part of you was burning from the heat, as you felt your core tighten. The coiling tension in your abdomen was building at a steady pace. You were trembling, nerves on fire, his name coming out in gasps. Only his name and nothing else, nothing could come to mind. “Cum for me, dove.” His command was so strong. So powerful. “Cum for me,” he groaned again. Your eyes squeezed shut, and a golden thread snapped into place, as the tension in you broke, choked sobs leaving your lips, waves of pleasure racked your entire shaking body, as your walls began to spasm and contract around his fingers. 
Pleasure. Jaw dropping pleasure. Mind-empty pleasure. Tears slipping down your cheeks pleasure. Colors bursting around you pleasure. Unimaginable pleasure. Coursing through you. Coursing through that thread, down to the other end. Sinking to your pores. Slipping into the very cells that make you up. You couldn’t think. Nothing had settled in. Only Az. Everything that ever was, everything that is, everything that ever will be is him. Is the spymaster. Is the shadowsinger. Is Azriel. 
The aftershock rocked your body as you slumped over, trying to catch your breath for the first time in what felt like hours, Azriel’s whispers came to the forefront of your mind, “So good for me, sweetheart,” dulling out any attention to the recent thread that had appeared within you. He continued as he pulled his fingers out of you tenderly, “You did so good for me, I’m so proud of you.” He slowly kneaded at your thighs, kissing gently into the taut skin trying to get you to relax. His shadows release you from where you were held, as you continue to pant from the aftermath. Your eyes stayed shut, trying to focus on the sound of your voice when it hit you. 
The thread. The fucking thread. You tried to stay calm, not wanting to give anything away to Azriel. You gave a slow tug at the thread, expecting for nothing to come back, but to confirm that it was there. That you were not imagining it. Because if you were imagining it… well you don’t think you could handle that. What you weren’t expecting was the yank back, the pleasure and happiness and worry streaming down back at you. What you weren't expecting was the silent words that Azriel mouthed into your skin, “I love you mate.” 
You barely heard it, locked into focus on the bond that had appeared at your climax. He mouthed it into your skin so quietly, you literally almost entirely missed it in the haze of it all. But words like that, they weren’t ones to be missed. They weren’t ones to be ignored. No. Those words were more. They were more than that. They- They rung. They rung in your head. They rung loud as your body froze. Ice water poured over you, as if a bucket of it had been flung onto you by Azriel himself. And suddenly, your breathlessness wasn’t from pleasure anymore, but from confusion. Any remaining bits of pleasure in your body were flung out by the words, replaced by the strain of trying to comprehend. Trying to comprehend the words he had just uttered. Trying to comprehend that your mating bond had snapped. Trying to comprehend that Azriel had felt it and tugged back. Azriel had tensed with you at the realization of what he had just admitted. Words that he probably never meant to slip out. His shadows suddenly flung around, the cool darkness of them covered him up as if he was trying to hide himself from you. 
It felt as though you had been stung by him. You shoved him off of you, your eyes darting back and forth between his pleading ones, as you scrambled to pull the comforter that had been shoved aside by your earlier activities to cover yourself. You didn’t know what to do. You didn’t know what to say. After all this time, the words that you had craved for, the words that you had prayed for day in and day out, left you feeling stung. “What the fuck did you just say?” you blurted out. You couldn’t understand. You didn’t understand. You wanted to make sure you heard correctly, even though you were one hundred and ten percent sure of the words he had just uttered into your thigh. 
“Y/N,” Azriel's voice croaked as he murmured out your name, he reached out to touch you? Hold you? But your body jerked back. You didn’t want him to hold you. Not until he explained himself. Not until he told you what was going on. Not until he… well… you didn’t even know. The thought of him holding you right now made your skin itch, only seconds ago your body was shattered beneath him in pleasure, and now? Now, you couldn’t even think of that. Now, all the pain from this past week and month was coursing through you, through your bond, straight into him. His face fell at the sensation, and he dropped his arm back to his side, clenching his fists as he did so, staring at them with disgust. You repeated yourself again, voice louder, almost hysterical this time. 
His eyes shut tightly, and he took a couple of breaths before he throatily replied, “I love you Y/N. And I am your mate. And you are mine.” The last bit was so quiet, it muddled with the crackling of the embers and wood in the fireplace. You were completely and utterly stunned. This was not how you expected for your night to go. This was not how you expected for all this to go down. In fact, you had almost thought to yourself a couple of different times that any feelings you had towards Az, were unrequited. Especially when Elain had come into the picture. The thought of Elain brought on a whole shitload of questions to your attention.
Exhaustion threatened you, it made you want to collapse and tell Azriel to leave. Your heart had fallen deep in your chest, the knot in your throat paralyzed you. But you knew, gods you knew, the only way you and Az were going to get through this, was to talk it out right now. Selfishly, you didn’t want to. You wanted to go back and rewind time to a couple minutes ago and live in it forever, and forget that this had ever happened. You wanted to stop this moment from continuing because you were scared, and you were angry.  The flames of anger towards Azriel shot out, dread filled you because now everything that had happened these past few months was made worse. 
The thought of not knowing why Azriel pushed you away had become a thousand times heavier in your chest, he had known you were mates. He had known you were mates, and yet he still pushed you away. You hissed out, trying to maintain your composure, trying to not let him see how much this was effecting you, trying to build distance between you and on top of that a wall to separate you two, “How fucking long have you known?” Any intimacy that you had held for him during this night, was lost into the darkness of his shadows. You silently hoped that the bond had just snapped for him as well, but his reactions to your anger and sadness were only pointing you in the other direction.  His wings tucked tightly into his back, he almost cowered at your tone and hesitated, “I’ve known since-,” you interrupted him, throwing any mental shields up, trying to block him out from the bond, and already impatient with his slowed response time, “Since when Spymaster?” He flinched at the name as though he hated hearing you call him that, a pained whimper left his lips at you distancing yourself from him, “A little before under the mountain.” 
Hell had fucking frozen over. You laughed breathlessly in shock, it wasn’t funny. No, this was the most confused you had ever been. Since before Amarantha’s reign? That had been more than half a century ago. A mix of emotions were flooding through you, as you tried to process what Azriel was saying. A mix of happiness because mother above, how you were in love with Azriel words could not describe, but also pain because of the loss of time you could’ve shared together, pain because of his recent acts of pushing you away, pain because he had hid this from you, confusion as to why he hid this from you. 
Why hadn’t he said anything? In all your years of knowing him, Azriel was the kind of male who obsessed after mating bonds. He had told you himself, many different times: whenever he was drunk, whenever he was sober, whenever he was jealous of his brother's bonds, how he wished and prayed for a mate. How he wished and prayed for his equal. How he would adore her and love her. “Even if she’s a fucking worm, Y/N,” he would reply, grinning at your ridiculous questions. Was he upset or disappointed by our match? Was he going to reject you for Elain? Was he ashamed? The ugly doubts all reared its head at you. All of your doubts. All the devastating emotions you had felt in the past couple of months, slammed back into you. 
You couldn’t think straight, all these thoughts and doubts were overwhelming with the pain. And you couldn’t do it anymore. You couldn’t deal with it any longer. It was stifling. “Were you even going to tell me before you slept with me?” The question was spit out, the knot in your throat was nearly choking you. You didn’t let him respond, “Please get out of my home Azriel.” You were the kind of person who said things they didn’t mean out of anger. And you were sure that if he stayed in your presence any longer, those words would come tumbling out. And there would be no way to fix the already existing damage. The damage that he had fucking done on what was supposed to be a beautiful and sacred bond. 
His gaze snapped to yours, tears were streaming down his cheeks as his face twisted in agony. You needed to come to terms with everything. Come to terms with the fact that he hid this bond, what was supposed to be a beautiful and happy thing, from you. Come to terms with the fact that he had pushed you away for months, knowing that you had been bonded with him. Come to terms that he might want to reject this bond, this beautiful, wonderful bond that you had prayed for. The thought made you shudder, heart dropping even further than it already had, but you had to come to grips with reality. Why else would he push you away? Why else would he focus so much of his time and attention on Elain, rather than focus on you and building your bond? None of it made sense. 
Azriel jostled, pulling you away from your thoughts, as though he could hear them and was hurting at them, he leaned towards you and grabbed onto your hands tightly, squeezing thrice.“No, no, no. Please Y/N. I am not letting you do this again. I am not letting you shove me out-” 
“You pushed me away Azriel,” you screamed with only venom in your voice, hysteria seeding through every part of you as you mentally placed bricks between you and him, blocking him off from reaching you through the bond. You didn’t know if you wanted him to remove his hands and never let him close again, or if you wanted him to hold on and let his warmth seep into your freezing flesh. You continued, “Even now, even after everything, you still don’t see where you went wrong, Az.” Panic oozed from him, draining the scent of arousal from your room, the bitter scent of his fear surrounding you. His eyes tried frantically to meet yours, begging you to look at him, begging you to see him. But you had seen him. For several months. As he ignored you. As he let you believe your friendship meant nothing to him. As he let you believe that you were being replaced. 
Even when Azriel was obsessed with Morr, he never let you doubt your place in his life. He was always there with you. He was always so reassuring of your presence, always so wanting of you. Anytime you were busy with patients, he would wait, hours upon hours, for the chance to speak with you. Anytime you were busy with paperwork, he would rush to help you so he could get even the slightest bit of your attention. And you could handle that. Because you loved him, and even though he longed after another, a small part of you knew that he loved you. Even if his love was platonic, it was enough. But with Elain, Gods you didn’t want to go through this again. You didn’t want to think about it again, you had been mulling over it for the past week, for the past couple of months, and you were sick of it. 
His mouth dropped open before snapping shut, several times, trying to let the words spill out, but all of them seemed to be stuck on the tip of his tongue. You had never seen Azriel so speechless, so stressed. Every part of him, the tight wings, his straightened back, his scarred hands gripping tightly onto yours, his shadows darting around the room screeching at him to say something, anything to rectify the situation pointed towards his distress. Part of you felt sorry for him, but you couldn’t let your love for him, your devotion to him, stop you from knowing the truth. The truth about why he had hidden this from you and had acted the way he had. Even if Azriel was your mate, you knew that it is important that you didn’t let him treat you this way, didn’t let him get away with what he had been doing. Because best friends don’t do that to each other. Mates don't do that to each other. 
You rambled out your sorrow, filling the silence between you, “Azriel, I can’t. I can’t do this if you don’t see what you did to me. You hurt me, to the point where I couldn’t breathe for a week. To the point where I couldn’t get myself out of bed for a week. I deserve better than that. And…  and I think you know that. And to now hear that you knew? You have known all this time, that we were mates, that you could feel my pain and had known about it. So I guess… I guess I don’t understand what it is that you were trying to do. I-... I don’t understand. I don’t understand you, Az.” You feel broken. You didn't want to admit it, but even if Az gave you an amazing apology or explanation for the way he had acted, you weren’t sure it would be enough… enough for you to move on from this. You didn’t know how you were going to come back from this. How you both were going to come back from this. “All I know for certain Az, is that I would’ve never done this to you. Never.” Your voice broke as you leaned back to stare at him, listening to what he has to say, giving him the chance to speak. 
He brought his hands to yank at his hair, his eyes were squeezed shut as tears slid down his cheeks, uncontrollable sobs escaping him, racking his chest. Ebbs of his regret reached you through the bond despite the mental block you had set up, which only meant the force of his regret was all consuming to him. His shadows swarmed you, trying to pull you in closer to their master, their cool touch leaving goosebumps on your naked skin. He took deep breaths as he tried to block out the ache in his chest, to concentrate on finding the right words to tell you everything that he had been thinking this past week, these past months, this half century he had lived in silence. 
At this point, you desperately wanted him to defend himself, you wanted him to explain, you wanted him to take the pain away, you wanted him to show he adores and loves you, prove he wants you. Because you were scared he didn’t. His earlier confession meant nothing in the face of your new reality you were coming to grips with. 
You had left the ball in his court. And you both knew that. You both also knew that this was the moment, the defining moment which would decide whether or not you would even allow the chance for Azriel to make up for his mistakes. He knew that this would be the moment you would decide if your relationship would move forward, or if you were going to let him go. And cauldron boil him alive for all he cares, he never wants you to let him go. He would rather burn alive a hundred times, heal over and over, just to be burnt alive again, knowing the pain already, his scarred hands bearing the evidence, rather than you letting him go, rather than you moving on however undeserving he is to have you, rather than you rejecting the bond. 
The tears continued to streak down his face, he gasped out in between his sobs, “Please Y/N. I am begging you, if you want I'll get on my knees. I promise you one hundred percent honesty, no lies, no deception, only the truth. Just… just don’t let this be the way we end tonight. Please. Please.” He reached his hand out again, hoping, praying on all the gods in the stars, on the mother above, on the cauldron, on whatever existed out there he didn’t know of, that you would hold onto it, that you would give him some semblance of reassurance that you would listen he knew he didn't deserve. 
And your traitorous hands reach out on their own volition to latch on, squeezing tight, trying to calm him, trying to reassure him, your love for him going beyond any description. “Okay,” you whispered out knowing he would hear you over his sobs. You weren’t sure that his explanation would be enough. But you wanted to know. You wanted to hear what he had to say. A big part of you that you buried deep within you wanted to forgive him. The feeling of hope snaked through you, as you prepared to listen to him. This time, without any interruption, without any judgment.  
He shuddered in a heavy breath, silencing his sobs. He had one chance to make this right, and he knew his fate was resting on his shoulders. “I want to start off by saying, I am sorry Y/N. I am so unbelievable and unimaginably sorry. I cannot express enough how sorry I am, but if you give me the chance, I will show you, every day, for the rest of our lives how sorry I am. I mean… I-,” he paused, and you squeezed his hand again, urging him to continue, “I want you to know that you have a choice here. You have a choice to accept the bond or reject the bond.” He shuddered as he whispered it out into existence, “I promise I won’t get in the way of whatever decision you want to make, and I promise to accept it, no matter the outcome. I… I don’t know where to begin.” His hazel eyes lifted to yours, pleading, he was floundering in fear. Tears brimmed at your eyes, you squeezed his hand once more, “Start at the beginning Az.”
Taglist: @paasrin @positivewitch @fieldofdaisiies @judig92 @sv0430 @highlady-ofillyria @wrensical003 @brekkershadowsinger @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @mrs-azriel @cityofidek @nova-stardragon @thewarriormoon @ilovespideyyy @azzydaddy @bookish-dream @nobody00sthings @marigold-morelli @solossweater @rubygirly @hanasakr @ellievickstar @shadowcrowsworld @lucyysthings @cameronsails @peachycandy10 @bruhhvv @flyingsquidsgrowwings-blog @adreamerforthestars @lahoete @mis-lil-red @his-sweet-nightmare @esposadomd @blurredlamplight @elizarikaallen @tiffthebookworm @valeridarkness  @wifeofcamillamacaulay @everyonehatescarmen  @grungy-blue-hipster
(Let me know if you would like to be added to the taglist!)
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frecklystars · 2 months
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Hi pretty star girl !! I wanted to just say thank you. I’ve been following you for years and we’ve interacted a few times but it’s kind of crazy how much you’ve helped me?? ?? I was also in a very bad mentally abusive relationship and after two years I finally got out but I had no motivation to self ship anymore because of everything I experienced. Then seeing you (who was in such a similar situation) come back and reclaim it as something safe and fun inspired me to do the same. You helped me feel safe to self ship again and collect all those protective, fictional boyfriends again (who would disrespectfully beat up both our abusers !!!!) So I just wanted to say thank you for helping me, even unknowingly, and being so strong. You are like an older sister presence on my dashboard and seeing your posts always make my day. I’m so sorry if this is a weird message to receive LOL I just really wanted to so thank you!! so much!! for just!! existing!! You are amazing, Keri.
HI SWEET ANON I hope you're able to see my response to your kind message, I'm sorry it took me a few days to get back to you!!!
I want to say I am so sorry that you have endured a relationship that took such a big toll on you. I can completely empathize with that and I know how heavy that is. I think... I think getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship is just. hellacious. It's like it takes the same energy to crawl out of a deep dark pit, mud pulling you back down every time you try to climb out, and the entire time you're gutturally screaming from your guts wishing somebody could help you while simultaneously convincing yourself "no, no, I'm not being abused, it's not their fault, it's mine, I'm being ridiculous" and you can feel how much it is hurting you. It's like mentally trying to run one hundred laps around the sun. Your heart is deteriorating and you feel something is wrong but you're convinced it cannot possibly be anyone's fault but yours. You can physically feel how much it is weighing on your heart. I think one of the loneliest feelings in the world is being abused and coming to realize it, finally fully aware of it and then accepting it, but then you're... too tired to get out of it. In my recent abusive relationship w/ someone, when I realized to myself that I was genuinely going to die if I kept talking to this person, I didn't leave right away. I just laid there and cried and knew it was going to kill me one day and I didn't have the energy to fight that. but then, somehow, you get so tired that you're done, you manage to cut things off with them and then it's like. yay. you're free. there's that relief. but then you're also kinda Haunted by all of the shit that happened to you and then it takes a little while to get past that. But you will get past it and you will be okay!!!!!!!! You are not alone!!!! You have ppl in your corner, myself included!!!! And I am so relieved you're out of that situation, and I'm so happy you're also finding joy in self shipping again. Your F/Os, no matter who they are or what they do, how kind or villainous they are, they love you and would protect you wholeheartedly... and beat the ever loving shit out of anyone who harms you ❤
So!!!!! In case if I didn't say this to you already [gently grabbing you by the shoulders and looking into your eyes] I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!! I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE OUTTA THERE AND I SWEAR IT GETS BETTER. YOU ARE AMAZING AND INCREDIBLE AND SO STRONG AND I WANT YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT!!!! I want you to take a minute to tell yourself, WOW, you fucking did that. You got away from somebody who actively tried to hook their claws into you. You, whether it was consciously or unconsciously, told yourself "no, I deserve better. I deserve love and this isn't it. There is no love here and I deserve to be respected." you were able to walk away from the mistreatment. You valued yourself as a person. That's self love. That's inside of you, that strength, you used it and you succeeded. And I don't know if you're in a position right now where you're still hurting/wounded from what happened but IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE!!!! And I am always here you can always hmu if you ever wanna vent or shout into the void that is my inbox.
I am touched you see me as a big sister figure, bc I am an only child, in my 20s not knowing wtf I am doing at all given times, so I don't know how I'd possibly exude that energy, but I'm just glad it's a Nice Energy. Thank you for coming to me about something so personal and for trusting me with that, and thank you for saying such kind things. If you can get through it, I can get through it, we fucking got this, my dude!! 💪✨
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girlfromthecrypt · 8 months
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My first Writeblr tag game!!
Thanks so much for the tag @mthollowell-writes! This is one of my first ever tag-games, so I'm pumped. Also, this made me realize I rly need to do a WIP intro for my main project. It's a dark fantasy/horror with some romance, too. The working title is Fucked Up Fairytale. That aside, let's goooooo
1) What motivates you to write?
Anything and everything! Writing is my coping mechanism, for good times and bad. It helps me keep hold of happy feelings and release negative ones. 
2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)
I have multiple WIPs, but I'm going to refer to the one I plan on actually turning into a book. The working title is Fucked Up Fairytale. That may undergo revisions. Anyhow, I'll share two lines/snippets, if I may! Mainly because the first one is very short indeed. Here it is:
I braced myself for stupidity, and he didn’t let me down. —This is in the main character's (Margot's) narrative inner voice during a conversation with her little brother. 
And here's the other one, same chapter, same conversation! I feel like I may have gone a little overboard with Margot's world-weariness, but I kinda like it:
“The world I dream of has me making six figures at a job where my boss doesn’t need me to show him my tits,” I said, a chill creeping into my tone. “It has me going home at a reasonable hour so I can watch TV and fall asleep with a bag of spicy chips, preferably next to a spouse who doesn’t mind that they make me gassy.”
Neither of us spoke for a couple beats. Then, softly, my brother asked, "And where's the magic in that?"
"Nowhere, Callie. That's kind of the point."
3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?
That would apply to Margot's love interest from Fucked Up Fairytale. He's, um… special. To me, and in general. Seeing as he's one of the Folk, it would be unwise to share his name, especially since not even Margot knows it as of right now. He calls himself the Huntsman, so that'll work for now.
He's this rather delicate-looking youngish man; slender, short and long-haired—he's quite pretty, really. And he's the smuggest, most self-satisfied dork you've ever met, but in a sweet, non-threatening way. I just love his and Margot's more wholesome exchanges. They clash a lot; she's a recent university graduate, has been a skeptic all her life and didn't mean to get roped up into any supernatural stuff, and he's this forest-dwelling fairy-like entity. But they end up being really good for each other, despite (or perhaps because of) their differences. Even though their dynamic starts off based purely on physical attraction, it grows into something more and their interactions really feel cathartic at times.
4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?
I love what happens shortly after getting the idea for something. It's like a little twitch in the brain that grows and grows and it's just… awesome. And I'm not actually doing anything at that stage, so it's also the easiest step. Also, I just love writing dialogue.
5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)
I think that's also writing dialogue! Not much else to say there. Oh, and nature descriptions sometimes. I've been told my nature descriptions are beautiful.
6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?
How passionate everyone is! We all do the same thing, we write, and we all love doing it. And there's such an undertone of positivity to it all, of openness. That's really nice.
7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)
Oof. This one's too hard for me. I'm honestly struggling with a lot of writing software so… I don't have a good answer to that. 
8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)
The majority of Fucked Up Fairytale takes place in a single location. It's a magical forest that is its own entity, almost deity-adjacent. Certain characters worship it to gain its protection and power, but it can also be dangerous, trapping humans and turning them into so something they're… not. 
I just really like that forest! I enjoy describing it, I enjoy creating new creatures it may be harboring, I enjoy lending this seemingly inanimate idyllic environment a personality that kind of shines through in a lot of scenes. I almost wish it were real. Almost.
9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?
I'm with you.
That's all I, or anyone, can really offer, I believe. I've dealt with month-long dry spells, really horrible ones. I know it's shitty, I know it sucks. My advice, if I had any, would be to force yourself to write anyways. It's the only way to get back into it, and you should never ever give up writing. Writing is worth it.
10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters
Well, obviously I'm gonna have to mention @prismatic-bell who once wrote a wonderful thirty-part fanfic to one of my stories and is, in fact, amazing. Xe has contributed greatly to a lot of my stories and I will be forever grateful for that. Also @rehnwriter who helped me set up my blog because I'm bad at internet stuff and need constant surveillance.
I'm tagging… uh… anyone who sees this and wants to participate! I'm really eager to get to know more folks from this community.
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"In what sense? Of timeline? I mean each Season is going to be roughly a year?"
Sorry for not being specific.
I meant summary of what changed in each season in comparison to Canon
Okay hm so off the top of my head without going too far into my notes:
Actually side thing is I just realized that most of the Major Changes have to do with the various villains. The Trix being salvageable to the Good Side(after a bit), Darkar getting downgraded to normal, Valtor has been changed completely tbh. The Wizards of the Black Circle have been almost completely yeeted. Tritanus is more of a civil war situation than an outright coup.
Interesting tbh.
Season 1:
Same basic plot of Bloom learning about Magic and going to Alfea, learning about her actual heritage, the Trix being fucks. Some things go sideways, some plots are diverted.
Changes include
A good chunk of adjusting the whole 'Ancestral Witches' thing and the Fall of Domino because having that happen ages ago but also less than 20 years ago is ?????. Short version: A group called 'Ancestral' that wanted to take over everything invaded Domino for the Dragon Flame. Yadda yadda Daphne yeets Bloom to Earth, gets Spirited in the process, most of the population is killed, most members of Ancestral were either killed or arrested but a few escaped. This is treated as a semi-recent tragedy that most Adult characters remember
Faeries and Witches are the same thing, just using Light vs. Dark Magic. Not different species. Not good vs evil. (Light is not always 'good', Dark is not always 'evil'). The neutral word for them is Magixae. While people from all worlds(other than Earth for reasons unknown) can use base Magic, only Magixae have major powers and can transform like they do. And they only make up a small percentage of the population.
Stella actually has plans to study as both a Faerie and a Witch because stuff with Solaria and the duality and all that. She's starting with Faerie though.
Alfea/Cloud Tower/Red Fountain are colleges, not high school
Bloom actually has friends back in Gardenia, though they're all going off to college, but they appear when she goes home for breaks
Bloom is 100% aware she was adopted and they do kind of assume from the get-go that her bio parents might be from one of the other Magical Realms and she just ended up on Earth
Winx is very 'Sci-Fi disguised as Fantasy' so I'm leaning hard into the fact that they're all aliens and have non-human features and biology which will get explored!
Sky and Brandon still switch places, though it's less 'prince and the pauper' and more a legitimate thing of there's been assassination attempts on the royal family. Diaspro and the arranged marriage also still exist, but Sky is 100% adamant that he's not going to marry her no matter what their parents say.
The Riven/Darcy plot is a legit thing with like. No hypnotisim just genuinely liking each other even if Darcy did start it up just for info. Temporary breakup when the Trix go full evil but....
Kinda dragging the Trix into more 'somewhat understandable, villains with genuine goals not just' to be evil, salvageable and will be dragged to the Good Side eventually' kinda plots. Longer posts on that, but Darcy is the first to jump ship because she's like 'Look I am an ambitious, power-hungry bitch, but I draw the line at full on murder/massacres'. (Speaking of, don't. Don't question the logic re: befriending the person who tried to destroy the world last week. I'm doing some Friendship is Magic shit wtih this we only think about fucked up implications when we want to.)
Diaspro also gets some character development when she tries to take Sky out of the major battle and he decides to stay
Bloom's adoptive parents and friends from back home get dragged into this and are actually helpful in the battle.
Season 2:
Mostly the same plot re: Pixies, Darkar, adding Aisha, so on and so forth. Lot of changes to what Darkar is and the whole shadow phoenix/shadow flame thing with a touch of change to Dark Bloom.
Changes off the top of my head:
Diaspro and Darcy are now added to the main cast as well. Diaspro enrolled herself into Alfea because she wants to find something to do other than being Sky's trophy wife(he's still not into her). Darcy is serving community service. Both of them get dragged into the main plot because the adventure is underground and their powersets are great for this.
Darkar has been downgraded to 'just some guy'(which like. Having a supposed Deity be defeated in only one season and never come back? Kinda lame!). Previous member of that 'Ancestral' group that attacked Domino. Wants the Dragon Flame for the original 'let's take shit over reasons.
His plan involves the Dark Bloom thing. He learned from seeing the Trix fail that taking the Dragon Flame by force won't work, so he decides that using magic brainwashing stuff to have Bloom turn against her friends would work. So we get him posing as Avalon to get access to her.
The "Dark Bloom" thing isn't a 'Dark Faerie', but Bloom channeling the dark/negative emotions into her Magic and going Witch(remember: same species, just depends on where they draw their Magic from)
What is the 'Shadow Phoenix' thing? The opposite energy to the Dragon Flame? It's the Dragon Flame itself. Some yin and yang shit. It is everything. Creation and Destruction, Life and Death, all of it.
Oh also Riven can go Faerie and we get some of his trauma lmao.
Season 3
Final year of Alfea, earning Enchantix, etc. Some of the plots are the same. But there are many a change!
So, firstly, I switched up things for gaining new forms. Charmix was just kind of a 'natural level up progression', but Enchantix takes the new 'you have to overcome something personal'. Mostly because I think it's fucked that Enchantix is supposed to be the normal endgoal(with other forms being optional) but you have to die to get it??? Also there's too much bullshit regarding 'must save someone from your world' because hello??? How do you decide that what counts as 'their world? What do you do with Bloom other than Mary Sue her way out of it?
So everyone gets a plot relating to overcoming something, but we're also going on trips around the Realms and visiting their Homeworlds.
This is probably the most plot-heavy season as everyone has their own arcs going so I won't go into it all here.
But also know that as we're trraveling to all the worlds, we get a LOT of worldbuilding
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desertfangs · 1 year
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I know it's said in one of the later books that neither Daniel or Armand enjoy spending too much time in court and would rather go back to Trinity Gate but the thought of having Daniel there just being his ridiculous self a la QoTD is delightful. This is the same guy who was doing his own version of holding back laughter during a genocide and yes, part of it was because he'd recently been turned and was still in awe of everything but IMHO that's also part of who he is and how he responds to crisis situations. So picturing him being there during important meetings and witnessing the ins and outs of dealing with Lestat's court is hilarious. I imagine him having to excuse himself at times just to go to another room to let out the giggle he'd been holding back for hours because the whole thing IS kinda funny when you think about it.
LOL yes. I mean, Daniel was so overwhelmed when the Akasha thing went down. He'd almost died of alcoholism which absolutely means he spent the last days of his mortal life in this weird fog of confusion because of all of the ammonia in his brain since his kidneys were failing. Then he was turned into a vampire and overwhelmed by the strength and enormity of vampire senses and one of the first things he does is go to Lestat's concert, which had to feel surreal AF. Like, Daniel has been thinking of Lestat as this sort of almost mythical figure for over a decade and now on his like pretty much first night as a vampire, he's with Armand at Lestat's rock show? Tell me you wouldn't be laughing your ass off at the irony of that alone.
It's not that I think Daniel can't take things seriously, but I agree that he's definitely one of those people who's reaction to really dark and terrible things is to laugh and make jokes. Gallow's Humor is his friend. But IIRC he's pretty level-headed during the whole chaos in PL, so I think he can absolutely hold it in when he needs to, especially now that the colors of the wallpaper aren't distracting him and he knows how to manage his vampire senses better.
That said, I'm sure Court is ridiculous in a lot of ways. The part I think Daniel finds the funniest is that like... Marius, Lestat, and Louis are people he knows. Like he spent a decade with Louis and Lestat in the back of his mind as these people from Louis' story, and even Louis probably stopped feeling entirely real and then bam, they were just at his house for some long stretch of time. At this point, they're just people in his life.
But then at Court they're the Prince and the Prince Consort (whatever the fuck that means.... don't tell him, he knows what it means, he's just being an ass), and the Prime Minister, and things are probably often set up in a formal way in order to demonstrate to the younger set and the other immortals that this is a real, functioning vampire government (for now). And Daniel is just like... okay, sure, Lestat is the Prince or whatever, but that guy also keeps tagging me and Armand in instagram videos of people doing Blender Unboxings.
I'm sure he absolutely sometimes loses it when they're spending an hour debating some inane thing or whether to go stop some rogue vampire who is leaving a trail in some small country village or whatever their business entails. And it's worse if Lestat gets bored with it, because then the two of them start texting or having some kind of discussion with the Mind Gift and aren't paying attention, which frustrates whoever's leading the meeting (probably Marius). Maybe Lestat starts sending him suggestive mind images or who even knows. Or Armand starts giving him looks that means he's also thinking of which closet they abscond to when the meeting is over, and finally after some or all of this, Daniel has to stand up and exit the meeting so he doesn't burst out laughing in the middle of it.
I also think Daniel is very pragmatic and he as a pretty optimistic view of the world and vampirekind. So like sometimes while watching things go down, he's probably just standing in the background listening to some of the ancient vampires debate some archaic thing and finding it absurd. I would like Daniel Molloy's impressions of vampire court, because I'm sure he has some hilarious observations about the way they do things. So yeah, in those cases, too, he's probably sneaking off to go let out those giggles so he doesn't get yelled out again for not taking it seriously. And he does, but sometimes it's so absurd you can't help but laugh.
There's a lot of hilarity to be had in this scenario and a lot of potential for silly fic or fanart about it, because sometimes it is just kind of ridiculous, and Daniel absolutely understands that better than any of them. (Although I'm sure Armand does, too, and Lestat is in on the joke sometimes as well. But damn, he looks good in a crown!)
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joshriku · 2 years
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hi! I really enjoyed your last cherik fic list, you have great taste. do you have more recs about old cherik? maybe also some post dark phoenix (I mean, they were supposed to be old but they forgot lol). only when you have the time!
you're so lovely omg thank you! i do!! here u go
get out of town by firstlightofeos: i recently read this and it's so fucking good omg. i am not immune to tropes where a 3rd character has to be like 'can you guys get over yourselves and FUCK' and especially if it's old men cherik :sob: OF ALL PEOPLE. THEY NEED IT SO BADç
all you are made of by fengirl88: oghgojoOGH theres this bit:
“Two minutes to make you drop it,” Charles says, mock-outraged. “I must be losing my touch.”
“Menace,” Erik says lovingly, “stop distracting me.”
IT REALLY LIKE......FUCKS UP WITH MY MENTAL HEALTH...........LIKE SHUT UP HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH. IM GOING TO DIE
tempus fugit by franzbibliotek: the character writing on this one is so fucking insane. you have to work with me here bc this is comic cherik and comics just have things happen in them. . anyway charles comes back from the dead after stealing a body that's like in it's mid 30s, jsut, your casual stuff. anyway. holy shit. charles' inner monologue on this mmmmmwah im fucking obssessed
pillow talk by pearl_o: i might have recced this already BUT IT BEGS RECCING AGAIN this is literally my favorite kind of fics where they just. lie next to each other. talk for a while. they're old and in love :(
a day when we can finally rest by pocky_slash: i am no timmune to fics where they depict how long they both have waited and waited to be together because it makes me cry ok. wow. love can thrive and continue and they jsut lvoe each other so much :( FUCK!!!!!
pity the man by franzbibliothek: this is kinda angsty i will warn you since i usually just read happy stuff but it's GOOD ok. pre dark phoenix when charles is just like on his 90th mental breakdown,. my g od. the way op writes charles. you get it.
adventures in babysitting (worried grandpa remix) by sebastian2017: literally my favorite thing about erik is that he's a grandpa. okay. it might be bc tommy is my fave character but i am just,,,,,,,,SOBSBSBS... DO U KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
one night in westchester by brotherfromanothermother: this is literally the funniest fuckign fic in the world. just. old man magneto buying condoms. it makes me cry. i lvoe it
close enemies by andraste: i might have recced this? MAYBE? but this is animated series cherik. and if i have recced it..THEN ILL DO IT AGAIN. THOSE SAVAGE LAND EPISODES WERE INSANE
habitual by xtinethepirate: i love dark phoenix cherik. i love erik in this fic. i like when fic writers write erik caring for charles but not being overly indulging like he Is willing to call him out. ESPECIALLY post dp cherik. SO GOOD.
marks by unforgotten: i love. i love. love the idea of erik 'kidnapping' charles and him being too busy grading to pay attention to him. which offends him greatly. i think magneto should always be funny and dramatic.
necessary downtime by unforgotten: AND THEYRE MARRIED. OOOH MY GOD THEY WERE MARRIED. not related to me also being a teacher but i love when it's just fics like charles being really tired from school work. he's so me. that's also me. finally realistic mcs
fossils (the something old, something new remix): AHHGHGHG I LTIERALYJL CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF FICS WHERE THEY GET TO ENJOY BEING MARRIED LIKE. ITS SO GOOD. IT MAKES ME CRY SO MUCH . MAYBE OLD MEN IN LOVE ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN THERAPY..? JURY IS OUT ON THIS ONE
rue de la paix by ireliss: (THROWIGN UP AND CRYING) GOODNESS. MOURNING. OLD MEN. TOUCH STARVED CHARACTERS. IT CANT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS. post dark phoenix
everything about it is a love song: if i told you how many times i cried reading this id have to be taken out and immobilized. it's bad out here. it is really bad out here!!!!! (ITS A REALLY GOOD FIC!! I LOVE IT!!) it's probably one of my fave old men fic ever just like someplace that is green which was on my other post but its osjhfddohfdj ITS OSO OGHG OGGH OGH!!!!!!
sing me to sleep: i love dofp cherik. I do. i love them so fukcing bad i love seeing those old men reunited and helping each other and being deeply in love despite the world going to shit it is SO deeply personal to me this fi ci ss os much.
the o(l)dd couple: i love fics that involve the press and such reactions to Them. and outsider pov is always so enjoyable. i love this fic i think its one of the first few i read?? SO GOOD
into the open by clockworkrobots: i just. this fic is so good. it's like the first fic i bookmarked almost. the tag erik's gay socialist farm island cracks me up every time then ir ead this and i sob and cry again fr
hope u enjoy!!
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westanallthegays · 2 years
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Writing 101 with your favorite queer (EDITED)
Writing is h a r d .
If you think writing is easy, then I'm going to ask you if you've ever WRITTEN A STORY BEFORE because clearly, you're oblivious af.
Writing isn't just w r i t i n g a s t o r y, it's late nights trying to figure out how the fuck to write this moment, it's sleep deprivation to puzzle this character over, it's scribbling ideas down, it's questioning whether your writing is GOOD or not and whether anyone would actually want to read it, it's staring at your google doc or word doc and thinking, "Is this worth it? Maybe I should just quit ahead of time."
It's so many things, but it's not fucking EASY.
Which is why I'm writing this post for y'all. Let's be clear, I don't know everything about writing. I'm in progress, still trying to figure shit out, but I thought I might share what I've learned with you through a very, very painful process.
So ✨here we go✨
One of the things about writing is that everyone has different methods. Here's mine. Use it or not. It's up to you.
I know a lot of people who don't plan their writing out are gonna be screaming at me, but I've found out that having at least a basic plan, if not the simplest plan EVER formed by just a few bullet points really helps.
I'll give you an example (which is miraculous themed because I'm pretty sure everyone at least KNOWS what miraculous is)
Marinette goes to school
Alya gushes to her about this "cool new girl" that has arrived
Marinette reaches school and discovers the new girl is Lila Rossi
shenanigans ensue. Adrien is the only one who isn't clueless. Lie la is a bitch, as usual (what is new?)
Okay, this example was pretty crappy, but you get the idea. It doesn't even have to be an exact copy of what's gonna happen in your story, just the general idea and a few more plot points. Doing this when I'm bored, whether in my sketchbook or on a google doc, really helps. For one, I can just write down a bunch of shitty ideas and later go through them and decide which ones are the least crappy to put in my fanfic.
I'm a planning person, but I don't go super crazy when planning out a chapter. I've heard of some people creating the most intricate plans EVER for their story, and well, sorry, but that just DOESN'T work for me. This method is a lot more simpler, and it's not totally crazy.
(hopefully)
Also, if you're writing a story based on a tv show or book series(*cough percy jackson *cough) Then I find it INCREDIBLY helpful to write down a list of all of the minor characters i want to include in my story, because let's be real, I'm pretty sure I'd forget after like a day.
And I've read too many stories with only the main characters and there being like one mention of a minor character. (*cough GROVER *cough)
So spare your innocent readers (not really) and use this method.
Welp, that's it! I'm sorry this ran on for so long guys, I had a lot to say and wanted to elaborate on it enough so that it made sense. If you actually read through this shit pile of a post, then TYSM IT REALLY MEANS A LOT.
Stay safe, don't fall into a deep, dark hole of depression that you can't get out of, and I'll see ya later~
EDIT:
Hi guys! It's been a few months since I stepped into the world of tumblr and wrote this post. After that i kinda forgot about tumblr with the existential crisis that is school and basic stress, so ....sorry bout that.
Thank you to the two people who liked this post, it means a lot <3
As usual, your girl is here to give some more tips that i learned over those few months i was incognito.
2. Brain dump, second draft, third draft, fourth draft...
I dont know if yall have heard of the brain dump in writing. I recently found about it when despertely researching ways to improve my crappy writing. Basically, a brain dump is when you take all of your ideas and write them down on paper or a google doc or whatever you use. I thought it was a pretty good idea, but i kind of already told you guys this with my previous tip above.
SO I REMODELED IT YOU'RE WELCOME
MY version is that you do a brain dump but in the form of a really messy, chaotic first draft. Write whatever you want using the ideas you have, and you dont even have to put proper dialouge. I find that i obsesse way too much over dialogue, so with my brain dump, i just leave blank spaces where the dialogue should be and put that in the second draft, which is a much more organized version of the brain dump.
THAT WAY, you can have all of your ideas down and begin to edit them into a slightly better piece of artistic creativity. I haven't tried this out myself, so im not sure how reliable it is. if you want to try this out, drop a comment telling me how it went.
Im pretty sure that's it. There isn't much esle to say, and im sure yall are familar with the "first draft, second draft" concept thingie so i dont have to explain that bit.
Again, sorry about my long absence. I would promise to do this more often, but im pretty sure i wont be able to keep that promise, so . . .
anyways, have a great day and ill see you soon (hopefully!)
:)
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beepbopboopadoop · 2 years
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AEW All Out 2022 Review
Pre-Show AAA World Mixed Tag Team Championship: Tay Melo and Sammy Guevara (c) vs. Ruby Soho and Ortiz
This was okay! A bit messy at times and I really hope Ruby is okay after that landing on her neck and breaking her nose. I'm kinda over Sammy and Tay right now. I feel like they have the potential to do some really good heel work, but I don't think heel work is just making out? Loved the beginning of the match with Sammy getting hit by a buggie.
Pre-Show FTW Championship: Hook (c) vs. Angelo Parker
I want to touch Hook's hair - it looks so soft. This match was way more competitive that I thought it would be, but it was still pretty good. Action Bronson had a cool run-in as well. All in all, a pretty decent match!
Pre-Show All-Atlantic Championship: Pac (c) vs. Kip Sabian
Kip looks like if 2012 tumblr made a wrestling character, but I love the new gear, the style and everything. He really made this match work so well. PAC is a goddamn beast of a wrestler. I really enjoyed this match
Pre-Show: Eddie Kingston vs. Tomohiro Ishii
Eddie Kingston is so damn good. Such an incredible story teller. Ishii is also just a goddamn beast. These two make magic and I can't wait for the rubber match. My favorite Zero-Hour match
Casino Ladder Match: Claudio Castagnoli vs. Penta El Zero Miedo vs. Rey Fenix vs. Andrade El Idolo vs. Rush vs. Wheeler Yuta vs. Dante Martin vs. TBA
At first, hated the finish because I was so into the match and then it clicked..... The Joker had MJF's mannerisms and butt! Excellent match but it was more of an angle that anything. Real good shit.
AEW World Trios Championships: The Elite vs. "Hangman" Adam Page & The Dark Order
Story telling man. The Hangman/Elite story has been so well done and this just starts another chapter in Hangman's character. Being the reason for the loss is gonna fuck with our anxious dude. I am very interested in seeing where this one goes.
TBS Championship: Jade Cargill (c) vs. Athena
I wish they would have built this story up a little more, because goddamn these two can go. Athena is so damn versatile and Jade is so captivating. I wish they had more time.
Wardlow & FTR vs. Jay Lethal & Motor City Machine Guns
This match should have been FTR v MCMG, but it was good. I hate that the TNT Champ didn't have a title defense. Lots of fun spots, but I wasn't invested until Dax's daughter became UNDEFEATED.
Ricky Starks vs. Powerhouse Hobbs
I'm happy with Hobb's winning, but it was too quick. I hope this story continues because I want some of that Ricky Starks' kinda chaos we all know and love.
AEW World Tag Team Championships: Swerve In Our Glory (c) vs. The Acclaimed
Match of the night, match of the year. I was pacing in front of my tv the entire time. I could not sit still. I was so hyped that my dog got concerned. Anthony Bowens is incredible. Max Caster is amazing. Keith and Swerve working kinda heel set it off. I need The Acclaimed to win those titles. This is their time.
Interim AEW Women's Championship: Toni Storm vs. Britt Baker vs. Hikaru Shida vs. Jamie Hayter
Everyone in this match is so damn good at what they do. The tension between Britt and Jamie (need this fued now), Shida's come back(s), and Toni getting that win - all so amazing.
Christian Cage vs. Jungle Boy
Not a match but a well done angle.
Bryan Danielson vs. Chris Jericho
I had a really hard time getitng invested into this match. It was really good, but I wanted to see Daniel Garcia get involved I guess.
House of Black vs. Sting, Darby Allin & Miro
Really good, but I hope Malakai gets better. That goodbye kiss and the recent reports worry me that he's struggling. I really enjoy this faction. I was hoping to see some storyline progression, but Idk whats going on now
AEW World Championship: Jon Moxley (c) vs. CM Punk
Two of my all-time favorite's had a banger man. They both know how to tell a damn story. I loved how Mox targeted Punk's foot but like just that pitbull energy that man has. MJF's return was a great way to end the show
All in all, All Out was really good. I enjoyed myself. That's what wrestling is about - having fun and I had so much fun!
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truly-quirkless-a · 6 months
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Type: World Building/Plotting the Timeline
Okay, so...differences to the timeline + addition of the last two movies, and I've finally seen the Dark Hero Arc, so...ideas on that. All under the cut, bye~.
One thing that I don't need to put under the readmore: eradicating Quirkless' final two abilities, 'Selective Manifestation' and 'Total Manifestation'. The best Fin can do is the Quirkless Field, and the Quirks they have post-Kamino are unusable due to Quirkless being eternally on in their own bloodstream.
WARNING FOR SPOILERS.
We'll segment this into areas based on what I saw, starting with the more recent, and probably ending with what I saw first.--
World Heroes Mission
First off- least favorite of the three movies, but Flec was pretty cool. I already knew a good portion of the plot thanks to MHUI, but everything involving Rody's involvement...had no clue. Y'see, I kinda- skipped- the story parts in the case files...so I could get to beating the levels.... ^^;
This movie actually solidified something for me. I've been thinking about Fin's ability to selectively manifest Quirks, and it makes no sense with Quirkless itself...so I'll be retconning that they can use the other Quirks AfO gave them after Kamino Ward. The Quirk 'Quirkless' may gain a larger radius thanks to this movie, but that'd be about it, if anything.
The only two routes I have in my head are:
Fin stays with Yagi at the command center for the whole operation against Humarise, due to 'Quirkless' not having too many effective uses. However, this wouldn't make sense since their Quirk is incredibly similar to Aizawa's.
The more likely route: Fin is also dispatched with the other Heroes. Most likely, they'd end up following Endeavor and his team- though they wouldn't follow Bakugo and Todoroki.
So- they'd just be another one of the background characters for the movie, though I may hint towards them having been contacted by Humarise before it. Might write a bit of that movie, but it wouldn't be an Event on the blog since I can't sort out any big impact Yagi and Fin would each have. They're both preeeeetty much sidelined the whole film.
Heroes Rising
This movie? FUCKING AWESOME. Fin and Yagi basically won't exist the entire time, but still. Great movie--- though they'll both be rushing the moment they hear Nabu Island is under attack...only to arrive after the dust has settled. Fin will obviously help with repairs- I assume that 'Heroes Rising' takes place between seasons three and four, which means that the second semester at U. A. hasn't started...yet.
After helping at Nabu Island, Fin's kind of pulled into working alongside other Heroes and working on upgrading U. A.'s security system- when they aren't working on getting construction crews coordinated, they're training (for reasons they don't quite understand at first) with a Hero- who quickly becomes a friend amidst their training for upcoming fights.
I'm tempted to say that Hero is Hawks, but for now...unsure. Might be Aizawa that they end up training with, since that'd make more sense due to the two having similar Quirks.
Yeah, Aizawa.
Fin will still take part in Eri's Rescue, but they're still a minor role- and they get sucked into keeping Toshinori safe when the few embers of OfA he has burns out mid-fight (he warns them and Fin forces him back). The two ultimately fight some low-level villains, jointly.
And of course, they go to the school festival (Fin took a picture of Yagi's smile before they started jamming like Hell with the rest of the crowd)...
Fin does get pulled into watching the 1-A vs. 1-B fights, mostly at the inquiring of Toshinori.
They get pulled into working alongside Endeavor's sidekicks/Midoriya/Bakugo/Todoroki in his agency for several months, still juggling Hero work and organizing the construction teams every day to the best of their ability.
Since Aizawa went with the team towards the hospital, Fin was sent in the opposite direction- towards the manor of the Paranormal Liberation Front. They went near the front with the other Heroes, though a berth was kept around them when they activated their Quirk.
Fin was hospitalized after the Paranormal Liberation Front attack, and was told (while in the hospital) that the security system for U. A. was finally up and running. Due to them knowing the extent of One for All at that point, they were pulled into the plan that leads into the Dark Hero Arc...
The Dark Hero Arc
For the most part, Fin and Toshinori didn't really split during this arc. They comforted Toshinori for the most part, when the two weren't rushing somewhere or trying to keep Midoriya in good health. Fin was injured by the assassins that tried to take out Yagi- and some of the blood from their injury was kept by Stain.
When Stain had his chat with All Might, he made sure to immobilize Fin before putting his blade to the Hero's neck.
By the end of the arc, they're starting to wig since the timer just got shortened from thirty days to a handful.
I assume there's more in the manga, but I have a space in my knowledge between the Dark Hero Arc and what's currently happening, so...no further ideas for the time being! I do have ideas concerning the final fight, but I'll keep from bringing those up here for the time being.
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Okay, I think I got rid of all my energy from watching those two movies back-to-back after finishing up S6 of MHA Tues-Wed.
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A self-list of the Events I'll probably open to the public on the blog when they hit... These will be open to any muse participating, so long as they have interacted with Yagi or Fin at least once. If it hasn't been discussed between me and the mun of any muse who participates, it will be assumed other's muses are not from YagiFin's world, and, as such, are doubles from other worlds (so the counterpart for YagiFin's world will also be present).
I haven't read the descriptions for the first or second case files, those may also be added. If they are, they'll be between S5 and S6.- Since (from what I can tell) all of the case files take place during the kids' work studies under Endeavor. Which, in this AU, would also pull Fin into working through the cases as well.
S1 - The USJ Incident
S2 - Evan Well's Return
Movie 1 - Two Heroes
S3 - The Summer Camp Incident/Bakugo and Fin's Kidnapping/All Might's Reveal
S4 - The Shie Hassaikai Raid
S6 - The Paranormal Liberation Front War
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Tw// kinda idk
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tteokdoroki · 3 years
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waves that hurt | k.bakugou + i.midoriya.
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♡ pairing: katsuki bakugou x gn!reader x izuku midoriya.
♡ word count: 3.04K
♡ rating: everyone.
♡ genre: pro hero!au, hurt, angst and comfort.
♡ summary: dark days mean dark waves that crash across your mind, intrusive and mean the waves pull you under— but they are the helping hands that pull you up and let you breathe.
♡ warning(s): please read ! heavy tw for depression, intrusive thoughts and self depreciation, self doubt and low self-worth. this fic is written mostly from personal experiences and may not be accurate to how everyone feels! mentions of therapy.
♡ author’s note(s):  this is my contribution to @doinmybesthere​ ‘s mental health awareness collab, this is kinda personal to me and something i experienced recently!! i hope it can provide some comfort to anyone out there, please don’t forget to check out everyone else’s works and i hope you’re all safe ‘n well <3
♡ masterlist | requests | kofi
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“kacchan, it’s much worse this time, i really think you should come home early tonight.”
deku whispers into the phone, his marred hands rub slow and soothing circles into your back from over the duvet— you can feel his warmth, light and airy through it but he feels and sounds much further away. a million miles across a dark ocean that trickles through your thoughts, intrusive and mean, keeping you under and away from clear air.
you wouldn’t want to pull him into this, bother him with the way you drown in dark thoughts— so you pull away from your boyfriend and tuck yourself away into the sheets.
izuku doesn’t retract his hand even as you pull away, listening to katsuki grunt orders down the phone— make sure yn’s eaten, make sure yn’s had water. basic things you should be able to do on your own but can’t, paralysed by the anxiety and depression that clamps down on you like a vice and refuses to let you up so you can just breathe. you want to breathe and not feel like the world is crashing down on you, to have a second to yourself where everything seems like it’s okay.
brushing fingers over the nape of your neck, toying with the coils of your baby hairs, your boyfriend speaks, only gently. “baby,” says quietly, his weight causing the bed to dip. “katsuki will be home soon, do you want to come with me to let him in?” you shrug, a sick feeling twisting in your gut. you see the black tendrils and waves in the back of your mind, bringing forth a new batch of ugly words that force you down. are you really that much of a burden these days that katsuki has to call it quits on work for you? “how are you feeling?”
you don’t know, you don’t know how to tell him that every thought you have hurts and there’s a pain in your chest with every breath you take. “i don’t know, it’s just...bad izu…” you want to explain how you feel deep inside, but the words are trapped like balls of tar in your throat— fear that if you say something he’ll walk away.
“you don’t have to say anything, don’t force yourself to…” he speaks with a soft voice, cotton to your ears in an attempt to soothe you. you can just about feel the clean air flowing through your lungs at the sound— it tells you he loves you, no matter what and you almost believe it before sinking back under. “let’s get you some water okay? wouldn’t want kacchan scolding us would we?”
the joke hangs in the murky and heavy air for a few seconds before you muster a small smile— your green haired boyfriend lets out a tiny sigh of relief and pressed a kiss into your hairline, the affection simmers under your skin and briefly brings light to your dark mind as izuku starts leading you to the kitchen.
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you’re curled up in izuku’s lap when the front door pops open with a click— signifying your other boyfriend had arrived home. you flinch, hiding yourself in the blankets keeping you warm and locking away the dark thoughts from the eyes of your lovers.
part of you hated them seeing you this way, that’s why you forced yourself to keep everything away from them— but they knew, they always did and always came to your rescue. you didn’t want them to feel like they had to look after you when the days were bad and draining and your mind took hold of everything that you felt. you didn’t need the weight of your own problems on the shoulders of two pro heroes who had enough to deal with.
in the end, you would destroy them like you did with yourself.
you can hear katsuki shedding his gear by the door, feeling his intense and heated presence flood the room and barely penetrate the barrier you created for yourself even while you lay in izuku’s arms. for as long as you’d known the two— even from back in your U.A days, bakugou had hated self-pity, of course in recent years he’d cooled down a little and spoke less on the actions of others but even still, you weren’t sure if you could handle him looking down on you for looking down on yourself and for feeling this way.
the blanket is suddenly lifted from your head, momentarily blinding you with the overwhelming light that is your boyfriend, katsuki bakugou. a twinkle of concern lines his ruby eyes and you can see traces of his charcoal eyeliner that he usually smudges underneath his mask— he’s so beautiful but you’re afraid of the twitches of worry, afraid that he’s mad at you for being the way you are.
“hey honey,” bakugou hums, crouching to your level to cup your cheeks, stress bleeding from his body when you nuzzle into him.
izuku gives you a squeeze, an encouraging one and you nod. “hi,” is all you can muster, afraid of blurting the intrusive words that crackle across your brain.
katsuki sits back on his haunches, looking between you and his boyfriend before he attempts to kick off his shoes. the room is full of a thick, ugly quietness that you know you’re responsible for— they don’t have to say anything, you know that it’s you. because when you’re like this it’s hard for bakugou and midoriya to talk, afraid that they’ll say something to set you off and you afraid that they’ll leave if they knew how you really felt. how trapped and alone you felt inside, how the twisted darkness added tones to your vibes and dragged you down with every step that you took.
they don’t need to say it because it flows from your body like a rushing river and drowns them, fills their lungs and it’s your fault for infecting them with your own bitter taste of life.
“have you eaten?” the blonde of the two boys asks, looking you dead in the eye. you want to answer, but again the viscous back from earlier starts to flood through your body. you try to take care of yourself of these days where you feel it the hardest, but it’s difficult to move and to breathe— and the drive to complete even the simplest of tasks is barely ever there.
you move to speak, caught up in the thick smog of your own brain when izuku gives your body a squeeze and shakes his head, the forest of his hair brushing against your cheek. “you’ve had water, right?” izuku has no problem answering for you. “but nothing to eat,” he whispers, keeping his voice low as if to hide his worry from you— it’s light in his tone but tremors throughout the number one’s body. you feel sick for making him feel that way.
katsuki’s gaze shifts back from his boyfriend to you, his expression unreadable because he knows how you get if they worry too much about you. you’re thankful, partly for that at least, his blank face prevents your mind from reading too deep into things and blaming yourself for things out of your own control.
“‘m makin’ your favourite for dinner. you’ll eat it, no questions asked.” the explosive pro hero states firmly, rising from his place crouched down by your side, obviously not before thumbing over your cheeks to wipe away evidence of your dried tears. “gonna run you a bath too, damn nerd better get you upstairs and ready by the time it’s done.” deku’s chest rumbles with a light hearted chuckle beneath you, lifting the heavy weight of the air within the room— bakugou had always loved brashly, with a fiery intensity that hardly left room for the answer ‘no’, and while izuku was more tame, they balanced one another out in a way that felt more like a warm hug than a battle. they grounded you, in the best of ways.
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true to his disgruntled words, your blonde headed boyfriend runs you a hot bath. you don’t miss the addition of lavender oil to the perfectly warm water, the baking soda which you’re sure he only knew to add because his mother had said it would remove the demon spawn toxins in his body. izuku is the one to help you strip, holds your hands as you kick off gross comfort clothes and folds them away, after pressing kisses to your groggy face and chin.
it’s almost funny to see the two biggest and beefiest pro heroes sit on your bathroom floor crossed legged and beside the tub— both of them taking up the majority of the room. you know for a fact that no one would believe the sight unless they saw it, but they’re there. both of them, izuku midoriya and bakugou katsuki are with you encompassed in the silence while you wash away the ugly words that plague your mind and fill the pores of your skin.
they’re still there.
even as sweet lavender water moves in soft waves over your bare body, while black ink moves in the same way across your brain— tattooing self-depreciating thoughts into every inch. you’re not worth their time, they say, you’re wasting it. because how could their precious time be put to good use if you’re taking it up, they could be saving people but instead your boyfriends are here, drowning in your own darkness.
they’re still fucking here.
when they could be out there saving the people who needed it, who were suffering out there in the world outside of your home.
and the suds against your body, the warm water sloshing over your thighs isn’t enough to get rid of the burning sensation of vile phrases printing themselves against your body and clouding every thought that you think. toxic, mean and nasty things you can’t scrub away— none of it is enough to make you feel like you deserve bakugou tenderly lathering you up with the rose scented soap his mother had sent you for christmas or the sips of cool water midoriya brings to your lips in order to prevent you from overheating in the steam of the bathroom.
deku catches the painful twist in your face, pausing his movements to study you. “whaddya need?” you need it to stop, to find something to replace the pain and doubts that fill you.
“water, hotter,” you croak quietly, tears building up in the base of your throat as katsuki catches on and flicks the tap for a stream of hot water to fill the tub. “please,”
they tell you to let them know when to stop if the heat gets too much, but the scalding water burns away any reminders of the self loathing you feel across every inch of your mind, your body and your soul. it stings at the darkness in a way that’s painfully soothing and maybe if you sink under— it could stop hurting completely. if you could slide deeper into the water, would the waves of darkness not crash so hard?
and then the damn breaks, like a tsunami the guilt and anguish you feel crashes over your body and takes control, leaving you fighting for oxygen in the form of your happiness.
everything that you’d been holding back flows freely in salty tears from tired eyes, scorching a path down the apples of your cheeks and mingling with the contents of the tub below. your boys, they don’t notice at first, how you cry and curl in on yourself until you think the world won’t notice you anymore but then just as they always do, they’re pulling you into their warmth and bubble of light— freeing you from black intrusive tendrils even if it means they have to crawl into the tub and wade their through the ocean you’ve made to set yourselves apart.
“don’t—!” you heave with an uneven voice, signs of you falling apart evident in every way. bakugou and deku pull away from you slowly, with dripping shirts and worry written across freckled faces and red eyes. they’re scared for you, hate seeing you force your feelings down and away from them. “please don’t touch me—you’ll—“
the water in the bathtub sloshes from where you retract from their touch, backing yourself up against the wall and away from your boys. “we’ll what?” izuku presses but only gently, keeping you afloat, stopping you from sinking and bakugou stays put in his place, letting the latter talk you down.
you shake your head, trying to think of the right words but it’s hard to, with the crashing waves heavy against your ears. how do you tell your lovers that everything hurts, to think and to feel, to live day by day. you don’t want to bother them with and an extra stress to their busy lives. but you can’t keep it in any longer, bursting at the seams. “you’ll drown. i-if i touch you, i’ll pull you under, you’ll drown with me and you won’t be able to breathe and all those horrible things that i think about will burn in your lungs until you give up fighting like me,” your tears and hiccups interrupt your words, but they listen. bakugou and deku, they listen and they stay.
“yn—“
“because if you do, then all that i feel will be a burden to you— i’ll break in ways that can’t be fixed and you’ll be forced to pick up the pieces and i’ll just be a burden,” you continue, not even pausing to take a breath while you continue to cry. “if you stay to pick up the pieces, you’ll be taken away from people who need you, who are worth saving, and can be helped and—“
you can’t recount how many nights, similar to this in which you wondered why and how two pro heroes could want and love you, why they dealt with your down days that sometimes outnumbered the ups— even if they’d shown you how much they cared, you couldn’t help but feel guilty as if your sadness took up their time to save someone else.
“you can be helped, yn. you don’t have to go what you’re going through alone, you’re worth the time and the effort of helping, no one deserves to suffer,” the green haired of your two boyfriends cuts through the tail ends of your words, still keeping distance until he knows it’s safe to touch you again. there is no look of condescending pity on his face, no sign to show you’ve pulled him into the dark of your mind. it’s just izuku, trying to help you pull through.
you look to katsuki hesitantly, he hasn’t said a word. “but i don’t want to be seen as...as weak, or to worry you because i can’t get out of my own head—“
“y’not fuckin’ weak, we’d never think that of you. we see you try to hide your pain, pretend things don’t get to you when they do. but fuckin’ handlin’ things on ya own can make y’stronger than any two heroes combined,” a look of anger flashes across his features, finer with age and tired with work. but bakugou isn’t angry with you, but with himself for leading you to believe that you were an extra weight on his shoulders. both of their shoulders. “yer not gonna get rid of us or scare us away, we love ya, we’re here for ya ‘n if it’s help that you need or think yer not worthy of, we’ll find some. it’s okay t’ask for help.”
maybe it’s hearing it from someone else, that your pain and your depression is valid, that you’re not an extra weight on the people you love that allows you to come up from a tar-like ocean for fresh air in your lungs, for the waves to calm and the storm raging in your mind to soothe. maybe it’s the two of your boyfriends being there for you despite the fear that you’d scare them away with not being okay that washes away some of the awful things you think.
you know that their support won’t make things go away over night, that it will take time for you to heal but for now you can keep your head above the water just long enough to breathe.
“can i touch you now? is it okay?” deku asks, feeling less distant from you than at the start of the day, but as your body shakes with the last of your tears all you manage is a nod before the number one hero is pulling you into his chest from the tub and the number two is wrapping a towel and his arms around you.
you sit sandwiched between the two, they keep you at the surface— holding you tight while you let out what you’ve been holding back. “we can get some help if y’want it, the doctors...therapy might be nerve wrackin’...scary even, but it can help and we’ll be there every single step of the fuckin’ way,” katsuki reasures you with pets to your head, rocking you back and forth on your bathroom floor, steam clinging to the air that you can finally breathe.
izuku nods along in agreement, pressing kisses to your wet hairline. “we’ll be here. you won’t be alone.”
the murkiness of the water in your mind starts to clear, but only just— their warmth starts to push through the clouds like sunshine brushing against your skin. a light to the dark that's plagued your every waking moment, the waves no longer crash and destroy but instead lap comfortingly at your painful thoughts and tame them just enough for you to have a moment of clarity.
you don’t have to be alone or millions of miles away, you deserve the hands of your loved ones that offer you help instead of pushing them away. the process of healing and things like therapy or meds will be hard sometimes, but katsuki and izuku will be here by your side, to help you manage days where darkness rolls in waves that hurt and help you breathe once again.
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blockgamepirate · 3 years
Text
Okay fuck all the fake activists on Twitter
This is actual bullshit. Go fight ACTUAL racists and ACTUAL homophobes. NOT SOME GUY WHO JUST MADE SOME JOKES YOU DIDN'T LIKE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
I'm actually so mad right now. Because you realise that all those jokes that I've seen people yelling about that he made actually even somewhat recently are making fun of racists, right? And you know his audience is full of edgy gamer boys, right? People who are just straight up allergic to genuine appeals. Edgy jokes making fun of racism is literally exactly what those kind of people need. It gives them a way in without feeling immediately alienated. It makes it easier for them to accept that racism is bad actually, and that people who hate racism aren't all humourless assholes who cancel you at the drop of a hat.
So yeah what you guys are doing right now? This is only driving people away. This is making people defensive. And I don't care if you think perfect political correctness is more important than convincing people to not be racist, because you are fucking wrong. Yes it's fine to criticise him and point out when the jokes feel wrong to you or upset you but don't act like everyone has to agree with you or else they're bigots too. (Also stop yelling about years old shit he said as a teenager, nobody CARES. Let people put their past behind them.)
If you don't like his humour, feel free to just not watch Techno, it's fine. But this kind of humour DOES actually serve a purpose. You can't reach out to people if you expect perfect purity from everyone at all times. Sometimes people need space to adapt into new ideas, and humour is actually one of the best ways to do that because of how psychology works.
And yeah the Asian joke was kind of shit but it was literally making fun of racists who thought every Asian person had covid, back when the pandemic was only just becoming a pandemic. It wasn't making fun of Asians. He even prefaced it with acknowledging the horrific racism (his actual words).
Slavery jokes? Like literally the point of those was to address the unfortunate implications of the video game. It's basically just media criticism. It's not endorsing slavery or making light of the real world history. It's pointing out the elephant in the room. It's dark humour, yes, but like is it really better to just NOT acknowledge how weird the whole minion thing is? I feel like it's actually better to acknowledge it. I'm the kind of person who actually feels kinda uncomfortable about game mechanics like that and it helps me when people point out the implications. And dark humour is actually probably the best way to acknowledge it without making the whole thing sound goofy, because it is kinda goofy, but it's still subtly fucked up.
And the "murder is bad"... I literally do not understand why people are mad about that one. I genuinely don't get it. That's literally the kind of joke I could see like any of the popular liberal late night show hosts making to underline the point that murder doesn't magically become okay when it's the police doing it. Like "I shouldn't have to say this but murder is bad". You know? Because a bunch of people out there are ACTUALLY acting like it's okay for the police to murder people (especially black people). This is the most effective response to that bullshit, honestly. It cuts straight to the point. Murder IS bad.
And apparently nobody is acknowledging that the point of that tweet was to share the petition. He wasn't just like randomly joking about a horrible event, he was trying to help. He's a comedy Minecraft YouTuber, do you seriously expect him to make some sort of solemn plea? No, that would just make him sound sarcastic if anything because he never does that. Humour is how he addresses everything, get used to it or just stop following him.
Also people are just way more likely to respond positively to a joke than to something preachy or depressing, because as it turns out, depression makes people apathetic. I'd be willing to bet more people signed the petition because the tweet was funny than would have if it wasn't. Especially people in Techno's audience.
But these twitter warriors don't care about actions, they apparently don't even care that much about words because there's no way "murder is bad" is a harmful message in this context. So they just care about tone I guess.
Anyway, even of you think he's genuinely problematic, is he SERIOUSLY the enemy that's worth all this attention? All this energy? Fuck off. You know there are bigger fish out there and you didn't go for them, you went for someone you thought you could bully easily because he already has quite a progressive audience.
This isn't activism, this is just harassment. And it was just harassment long before the doxxing bullshit too. Don't pretend like everything up to this point was fine. It was not fine. And it's NOT actually helpful to dig up months or years old shit and plaster it all over twitter and then pretend to care about how these things hurt people's feelings when people wouldn't even have seen them if you didn't dig them up in the first place. If anyone is hurting them right now it's you.
Learn to do some actual fucking work for the cause you fucking shitheads. If that's even what you ever wanted to do, which I kinda doubt actually.
Like I don't pretend like I'm the greatest activist out there but at least I fucking try to do something productive instead of bullying minor celebrities online.
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shoichee · 3 years
Note
how would atsushi, akashi and aomine react to haizaki threatening/hitting on their s/o?? (cue that one scene where he was literally taking on himuro, kagami, kise, and alex all at once 😡... basically that, but with their s/o)
ANON…. THOSE 3???? LONG STORY SHORT…. HAIZAKI EXPERIENCES DEATH (OR AT LEAST NEAR-DEATH) 3 SEPARATE TIMES…… BUT HERE’S THE “LONG STORY” THROUGH THESE HCs 
TW: attempt of physical assault, unwanted advancements… asshole Haizaki? cut under this to keep y’all safe JUST IN CASE
[Headcanons]
Aomine Daiki
you went out to look for Aomine after noticing how he hasn’t come back to his seat for too long
this was shortly after Kaijō defeated Fukuda Sōgō, and it was currently intermission before the next match rolled in
your face was met with crisp air as your eyes adjusted to the dark, scanning for any sign of your boyfriend
upon seeing no one, you decided to walk around the perimeter, just in case Aomine decided to nap for a quick moment on a whim and forgot to tell you
maybe you shouldn’t have walked out alone and in the dark of night, but you figured that in such a public event in a public area, you didn’t think anyone had the balls to start anything fishy around the stadium
oh how you were so wrong
you unfortunately bumped into Haizaki right when he was slowly strolling with his basketball shoes over his shoulder, and you immediately stopped in place, praying that he would walk past by you or perhaps not even see you
you knew that he wasn’t good news based from what Aomine told you and from watching that unpleasant game… he was bad, bad news
why did you think he wasn’t gonna see you? his senses are as sharp as a falcon, scrutinizing you before he realizes your identity
“Oh? Now what’s a pretty little thing like you doing out here… all alone?”
“I, um, I was looking for someone, but I realized it’s been getting a little too late… I think they returned back to the stadium, so that’s where I’m heading…”
your voice slowly diminishes to a soft whisper by the end, but judging from his widened eyes from glee, you knew he wasn’t going to walk past by you after this
“That so?” he drawls, licking his thumb. “The stadium ya say?”
something about his gaze turned sharp and dangerous, “the stadium” triggering unadulterated rage and frustration from the game and from his encounter with Aomine
“I… I really gotta leave,” you say in a hurry, quickly backing up. “Th-They’re impatient, so—”
“Huh?” he mocks, leaning closer to you. “I’m kinda of an impatient guy myself, yeah?” but upon even closer inspection, he realizes that he’s seen you somewhere very recently
“Hm?” he muses lowly. “Weren’t ya sitting with Daiki that game?” when you don't answer out of fear, his eyes merely shine with excitement… “Ohhhh… is that how it is?”
. . .
Aomine returns back to his seat after settling a score with Haizaki outside the stadium, but immediately becomes confused when he sees your seat empty
Sakurai immediately apologizes and quickly informs him that you went out to look for him, and Aomine immediately dashes back out… after all, who knows if you got lost in the dark or if you kept being persistent in looking for him?
imagine his visible distress when he sees Haizaki putting an arm around your shoulder while still holding his shoes and you looking absolutely fearful because you knew what he was capable of
this was a very rare moment where Aomine was not so calm and collected
but he tries to, especially when he knows that Haizaki probably relishes in the fact of “getting revenge” for that punch earlier (and probably realized the connection between you and Aomine to do so)
“Hey, asshat,” he calls out, grabbing Haizaki’s attention away from you, but Aomine notices him pulling you slightly closer to his body. “The fuck you think you’re doing with (y/n)?”
“Hehh? So (y/n)’s your name?” Haizaki merely pays attention to you, completely ignoring Aomine
“Back off,” he says lowly, almost to a growl. “I won’t be holding myself back to just a punch this time if you do anything else.”
at his hardened glare, Haizaki does a gleeful mock-surprise expression before putting his arm off of you and says: “Whoaaa there, Daiki. Never pegged you as that typa guy.”
he licks his thumb before walking away casually without a care in the world before calling out, “It ain’t fun here anymore, I’m bouncin’ out.”
by the time he leaves Aomine’s field of vision, he finally releases a pent-up sigh before calling out your name:
“... Come’ere… he didn’t do anythin’ to you right? Sheesh, I leave you alone for one second—alright, alright I guess it was more than a second… fine, it was several minutes… look, I’m sorry… okay, okay quit lecturing me… more importantly, promise me you don’t go out alone like that. It’s dangerous out there, y’know.”
when you finally ask about what he meant by his threat to Haizaki, he smugly replies, “Aw, that? I gave him a hard sock earlier. Went down pretty easily.”
Murasakibara Atsushi
it’s quite rare that Murasakibara would agree to going to Tokyo temporarily over break, let alone leave his house, but here you two are, resting on the park benches in Tokyo
shortly after, you went to the nearest arcade hall, begging and tugging him along with you to try the strength test for the jackpot prize (totally using his physique to nab home prizes and merch LOL)
he only agreed because you looked way too excited for him to turn the plan down
he still enjoyed himself, if he was being honest; it’s just you, him, his snacks, and some games you both are playing together
Murasakibara notices that the arcade also has a mini food court to the side, and he immediately pouts at you to let him go tasting galore on a food binge
and you laugh, telling him to “hurry up” to tease him and letting him know that you were staying here to try to earn more points to exchange for rewards at the end
you entered a coin into the slot and hummed before seeing a START screen, but as soon as it went black into a loading screen you saw someone’s reflection on it
Haizaki was right behind you
“Whaddya know? Would ya look at that?” he says, hands in his pockets while sneering. “If it isn’t (y/n).”
you merely pretended that you didn’t hear him, considering that the arcade was pretty crowded and noisy, and went on to playing the game in front of you
you hoped that by the time you were done with the round, he’d be gone, but his reflection was very much still there on the arcade machine screen, depicting his laid-back posture against the back of another arcade machine, watching you with complete amusement
after spending all the available coins on hand and still sensing him behind you, you promptly turned to your left to head for the coin machine and acted completely casual, but before you got too far ahead, Haizaki easily blocks your path with an outstretched arm, the hand against the arcade machine
“Whoaaa,” he drawls. “That’s pretty fucked up for you to ignore me like that.”
“... You’re blocking the way, so can you please kindly let me pass?” you flatly say, not bothering to look at his face
“What’s with the cold shoulder?” He tilts his head with a crazed look in his eyes that spelled unpredictability. “I just came and stopped by to say hello to an old friend from Teiko. Nothin’ wrong with that, hm?”
“Look,” you sigh. “You’re in the way, and I wish to spend my time here left alone. No, I’m not interested in small talk. No, I’m not in the mood for a bite with you. No, I don’t want to give you my number. Did I address everything?” you finally turned your face to look at Haizaki, but his face contorts to one of a dangerous beast
“Good, good…” he slowly says. “You haven’t changed one bit, haven’t ya? I was wonderin’ where that feisty side of yours went.”
perhaps you shouldn’t have spoken up after all; it only riled him up more
before you can formulate any further thoughts, he grabs your chin and directed it towards him, and you immediately froze up
you tried to dart your eyes around you if anyone noticed, but no one seems to pay attention
“What’s the matter?” he asks. “Cat got ya tongue?” when he looks to where your gaze was at, he chuckles before drawing closer to your face. “No one’s gonna help… not when they think we’re a little thing…”
but he instantly feels a heavy hand on his shoulder, and Haizaki turns around, ready to cuss the perpetrator out, but his eyes widen when he sees a furious Murasakibara
a giant with a very, very hostile aura… even nearby crowds dispersed out of fear for their safety
“Hands off of (y/n)-chin, pest.”
“Oho?” Haizaki releases your face and completely turns around to face him. “Well if it isn’t Atsushi… been a while hasn’t it?” he brings up a hand in a shrugging motion. “While I’d love to chat, I’m busy. Scram.”
“Touch (y/n)-chin again, and I’ll break all of your fingers.”
“Huh?” Haizaki licks his right thumb. “What’s up with ya? It’s non’ya business.”
you took this as an opportunity to run to Murasakibara’s side and seek shelter behind his back, which Haizaki raises a defiant brow
“Hmmm?” he smiles a slow smirk. “Was I really such bad company, (y/n)?”
his smile was completely wiped when he sees Murasakibara’s outstretched hand towards his head, and he deftly dodges his grasp before he walks off with a scoff
“I’m gonna crush him—”
“W-Wait! Just leave him be…” you held onto his torso in a full-attempt to stop him from going too far, and after a few moments, he relaxes with body and finally turns to face you
he doesn’t say anything but darts his eyes all over your figure to make sure there weren’t any injuries on you
he gently holds your hand before he tugs you to follow him to the food court
“Murasakibara…?”
“... You won’t be separated from me if we hold hands, (y/n)-chin.”
“I’m fine, you know.”
he doesn’t say anything more, and when you both settled into your table with your orders, he’s constantly staring at you and giving nonverbal cues that he wants to do PDA with you
becomes very protective and affectionate of you for the rest of the trip
grows very quiet and deep in thought until you reassure him that you were okay because of him stepping in to save you
Akashi Seijuro
it’d be extremely rare for you to ever bump into Haizaki, especially when the only chance you can see him is during the annual Winter Cup
Winter Cup arrives once again with the GoMs being 2nd years this time, and Akashi is still the same Oreshi ever since last Winter Cup
Haizaki definitely had seen you walking with Akashi very closely before the opening ceremony started, and it gave him ideas on how to “get back” against Akashi without directly confronting him
he was gonna mess with you
even after all those years, he still has that grudge against Akashi; the fact that he is one of the few people who has that power over him irritates him to no end
even when Akashi told Haizaki to quit long ago to help him save face, his pride was still heavily bruised
when he was sure Akashi wasn’t with you, he approached you while you were waiting outside the stadium
. . .
Akashi exits out of the locker rooms and carries his duffel bag before he heads to the entrance to greet you, excited in reuniting with you to talk about today’s games and your opinion on Rakuzan’s performance… that is, until what he saw made him beyond furious
“O-Ow…!”
“If ya want someone to blame for,” Haizaki sneers. “Ya can thank Akashi for messin’ with me, yeah? Don’t take it too hard babe, but I’m just returnin’ the favor… by proxy.”
Akashi strides over to the two of you with the intensity of death that would even surprise Bokushi himself
“Haizaki.”
at the sound of his eerily calm voice, Haizaki turns over to Akashi, and his glee is immediately wiped off his face and replaced with one of anger… and hidden fear
he suddenly drops you from his chokehold, and as you hit the ground, coughing to intake air, he turns to Akashi with a vengeful look
after a suffocating staredown between the two, Haizaki tuts and turns to leave in unspoken defeat, knowing full well the consequences from defying against Akashi; it’s something he never did in Teiko and certainly not something he would risk doing now
Akashi immediately drops his cold facade and rushes over to your side, rubbing your back and examining the slight bruises on your neck
his HIGHEST priority at that very moment was your safety, and he decided to take you to a doctor and then to your home, opting to cancelling/rescheduling any plans for today despite your objections
all the while, he coos softly at you and touches you with such care and gentleness that you managed to calm your heartbeat from that sudden attempt of assault
as soon as he feels like you’re safe, mentally and physically (and probably in a safe environment with either a GoM or at your own home), he reveals his true emotions on his face regarding the incident for the first time when he’s alone
being super considerate about your current mental state, he didn’t want to potentially scare you even more with his anger and much more negative emotions
for the first time, he allows his darker thoughts to simmer and stir… it’s one of those rare times where he wishes that Bokushi still existed within him
he eventually finds time to pay a visit to Fukuda Sōgō… to make nice… threats conversation
if you somehow figured out that he was going to do that, only when you convinced him is when he’ll decide to back down
but that’s only IF you figured out about how Akashi really felt about this…
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shorkbrian · 3 years
Note
How about some barbarian bakugo noncon?
Prelude - One time I came home from a walk and smelled this scent so freaking thick that I could taste it, and I almost threw up cause it smelled like skinning a deer but like, ten times worse?? and I was like lol that’s kinda weird and it turns out the neighbor had caught a skunk in a catch-and-release trap (which we gave him cause we didn’t want him catching a skunk in a trap that’d kill it) and apparently decided to kill it right then and there, and just let it by the edge of his property, right by my car. That was fun. 
Anyways, Katsuki makes a big deal about reader looking different in this. You can take that any way you’d like. Personally, I was feeling insecure about my freckles (I have so many that my skin almost looks even-toned because they almost all touch rip) and my hair color/odd face so I wrote him liking that reader looked different. It’s not super deep lol
Pairing - Bakugou Katsuki X Reader X slight Izuku Midoriya
Warnings - NSFW, dubcon, noncon, voyerisum, exhibistionism, blood mention lol. Idk groping?
Music - https://open.spotify.com/track/4FeWr4OsidcJClBjUEBHWI?si=OPHwLWXrTsiNQ42SlMKLEg
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There is a point where you stop screaming.
A point when you realize that no one is coming to save you, that you’re wasting your breath, that it’s fruitless. Does nothing more than raw your throat and grate against your own ears.
It’s no use. The Barbarian King seems unaffected, perhaps even spurred on by your ear-splitting screams. There’s no reason to scream anymore - it’d be impossible to scream forever.
——
Village in flames, corpses littering the streets. You’d heard about the stench of death from books, from traveling warriors who stop in your village for a night, regaling the people with tales of heroics and strength. It smelled quite different from what you had imagined though.
Metallic, yes, but tangy, thick enough for you to taste the iron seeping into the ground. Raw, like the scent of the butcher’s shop, heavy and suffocating - you hadn’t been able to breathe.
Everything had happened so fast, too fast. People were dead, people were dying, people were killing and being killed. You had been running, trying to escape the stifling aroma of your village being drained, the barbarians running amok through the streets leeching out it’s lifeblood.
Then you had been falling, tripped up by a loose limb on the ground, a body still warm and rattling with it’s last breaths. Shocked by the vivid image of the gore underneath you, a man reaching for his severed arm, you hadn’t been able to catch yourself as you fell, a cry leaving your lips.
Darkness.
And then light as you slowly blinked to awareness, slumped on the ground. A line of prisoners, prizes from the raid. You were one of them, hands bound to your neck, ankles tied to the people on either side of you. Two men had come by after a while, a green haired man in dress similar to your own - perhaps a captured man from the village?
The other man was bare chested, as many of the barbarians were, gold and red paint swirled across his skin in intricate, sharp patterns. He looked fearsome, and he barked at the green haired man accompanying him who scribbled furiously onto paper at each utterance of the fearsome blonde man.
They seemed to be going down the lengthy line of prisoners, assigning them? Selecting them for something? You didn’t know, couldn’t find it in yourself to care. You were numb, sealed off from the horrific event you had just experienced, safe within your cocoon of forced apathy.
And then the two men were in front of you, the blonde man silent as he stared you down, the green haired man with his pen poised, though he studied you also.
But they quickly moved on, the barbarian barking something at his companion, before striding to the next prisoner.
You had been untied from your fellow captives, led through the barbarian camp. Red tents, warm fires and laughter filled the space, bare-chested warriors of both genders celebrating their recent victory.
The large red tent you had been led to was warm, a fire crackling in the deep pit in the center, silky furs softening the harshness of the ground. There was a table in front of the fire, a large basin filled with water nearby, close to the fire. A desk in the corner, near the tent flap, and a folding screen hiding the back of the tent from view.
Promptly tied to the leg of a table, you were left alone, the woman who had dragged you here leaving before you could ask what was happening.
Shortly, green hair popped through the tent flap, quickly followed by the rest of the man from earlier, the one dressed like your people.
“Izuku Midoriya!” He had introduced himself, giving a little flourish as he bowed, before being pushed aside as the fearsome blonde from before entered the tent.
Still tied to the leg of the table, numb to the world, you merely stared at the ground when the two men approached.
“What’s your name?” The green haired man - Izuku - asked.
He was met with a blank stare.
The blonde man growled at your lack of answer, spitting something in his native tongue, words you didn’t understand. Izuku seemed to shrink, before turning to address you again.
“Please tell us your name. Kacchan is not the most patient man.”
The fearsome man beside him bared his teeth towards you, and you shrank back. He did not seem the type of person who tolerated being left waiting.
“(Y/N)….” You whispered, eyes falling to the ground.
“(Y/N), ah! Such an interesting name, the first part means-“ Izuku was cut off from his ramble with a shove from the blond man - Kacchan - who crouched down in front of you, rolling your name around his tongue.
Turning, he spoke to Izuku in the same jumbled language, who listened, then addressed you as Kacchan turned back to study you again.
“Kacchan would like to know uhm, uuh.....” Izuku trailed off, uncertain eyes flickering between you and the blonde.
Kacchan scoffed, listening to Izuku’s hesitancy with disdain, saying something directed at the younger man, yet Kacchan’s eyes were fixed on you the entire time. It was intimidating.
“He uh, wants to know ifyou’reavirgin.”
Oh god.
Even though the man’s words were rushed, you understood, limbs beginning to shake. You were going to be violated.
A finger poking your calf made you jump, the blonde man leering at you, head cocked to the side, eyebrow raised as if to say “Well?”
You shook your head - lovers had existed in your life, not many, but you still cherished each one deeply, thought back on the experiences you shared fondly.
When relayed this information, the blonde man seemed to grin even wider, rising to his feet. “This will be easier then, no need to go slow.”
With a gasp, you lifted your gaze, wide eyes taking in the man hovering above you. His words were completely forgotten as you took in the shock of understanding his words. He spoke your tongue? Wasn’t he using an interpreter? Why-?
The confusion must be apparent on your face, because Kacchan scoffed, turning to stride to the table, taking a seat facing the fire.
“It pays to play dumb.”
“Loose lipped locals give information more freely when they assume that Kacchan can’t understand them.” Izuku beamed, crouching down in the Barbarian’s previous place to begin untying the rope binding your hands and feet to the table leg.
“Stand up for me please.”
You did as Izuku asked, shakily rising to your feet with a helping hand from Izuku on your arm. He began leading you towards the basin nearby, Kacchan watching the two of you with sharp eyes.
“Do you need help with the fastenings?” Giving Izuku a confused look, your eyes fell to the basin, to the fire, to Kacchan seated at the table. Were they going…. Were they going to boil you alive? Eat you?
Trembling even harder now, it was only Izuku’s surprisingly strong grip on your arm that kept you upright, knees giving out beneath you.
“Help her out, she’s damn near useless.” Kacchan’s strong voice cut through the air, the air that seemed too thick, the air that was choking you, throat closing up.
What does one even do in this situation? Do you beg for your life? Scream for help? Who would come? Accept your inevitable fate?
There was no time to make a decision, however, because Izuku’s nimble fingers were pulling at the fastening of your dress, quickly unlacing it.
You were numb again, fingers leaden, legs heavy, mind fuzzy and listless. Izuku peeled down the top of your dress, and you barely thought to cover yourself - you’d be dead in minutes anyways, what did it matter?
Still, your hands rose to your breasts, shielding them from view involuntarily. Kacchan snorted from his sweat, but said nothing.
When you were completely bare, an arm over your chest, a hand over your sex, Izuku ushered you towards the basin, prompting you to step into it.
This was it, you were going to die.
One last shot of fear raced up your spine, and you turned to the green haired man by your side, his hand falling away from the small of your back. “Please, please don’t kill me, I don’t know what I did but please spare my life. Please, I’m sorry.”  Tears were burning your vision, throat choked up with thickness.
Kacchan burst into laughter. “I’m not gonna kill you, the fuck?! Goddamn, your people call us barbarians yet you’re afraid of a bath, fucking hypocrites.” There was a mirthful glint in his eyes when you looked at him, the man leaning back in his chair, arms resting behind his head as he relaxed.
Izuku chuckled also, putting his hand on your lower back again, gently pushing you towards the basin. “You’ll be okay, it’s just some warm water. It’s close to the fire because we don’t want you to catch a chill. You know, the human body actually operates best when it’s within the temperatures of-“
“Deku, shut your trap before I come kick your ass, just get the girl into the water, you dumb fuck.”
The water was warm, and it felt pleasant against your skin, just on the right side of too warm, hot enough to have you relaxing your shoulders as you sank down lower, the liquid covering you up to your neck.
Izuku-Deku? Held your hair out of the way, quickly using a scoop to wet down the strands before rubbing some kind of herbal scrub through your scalp, cleaning out the dirt and debris that had gathered during the raid. You were certain you were absolutely filthy, covered in mud and small scraps, half of your side crusted with dried blood and muck from falling in the bloody street.
For a moment, you felt embarrassed at your earlier panic, silly and like a stupid child, thinking that they were going to boil and eat you. It was clear now what their intent had been, but riddled with fear your thoughts had been clouded and slow.
Fear was still present, rolling through your brain in waves, goosebumps rising from your flesh as you tried to hypothesize what was going to happen to you. From their earlier questioning, you had a faint idea, but you couldn’t bear to think about that outcome, didn’t know if you could tolerate it.
Instead, you let the warm water soothe your body, washing away the grime and dust. Izuku’s hands were gentle in your hair, as he massaged your scalp, as he rinsed out the soap. You tried to ignore how his breath hitched whenever you shifted - you couldn’t keep all of your body covered, no matter how you positioned yourself.
His hands disappeared from your hair, instead prompting your to sit up straight so he could scrub at your body with a cloth smelling of the herbal soap.
It felt weird, and goosebumps arose on your skin as strange hands touched your body. You closed your eyes and endured, for there was nothing else that could be done.
Running would be a bad idea - a naked woman sprinting through the barbarian camp would surely be caught and violated, or brought back to this tent for some twisted punishment. And you could only run if you managed to get past the two men, who ere watching you like hawks, and much, much stronger than you.
Izuku’s hands paused briefly at your chest, eyes flickering over to the blonde man, who nodded in permission. Then Izuku’s hand were running the cloth across your breasts, washing them in gentle circular motions, taking care to not scrub too hard or push too deep.
You bit your tongue as you waited for it to be over.
And it was soon, at least that part. Then the green haired man was instructing you up on your knees, facing him. Telling you to grab onto his shoulder (the man was also kneeling) and spread your legs apart.
Trembling limbs obeyed, face flushing bright red as you followed his commands, eyes squeezing shut so you wouldn’t have to look at his own flushed face.
He ran the cloth down your back, over your ass, then slipped it between your legs to wash your sex with easy swipes of the cloth. The man’s breathing picked up subtly, and you could tell, leaning up against him as you were. His hands wandered, the cloth moving slower and slower upon your cunt, almost stroking at your folds, his fingers pressing through the cloth.
“Oi, Deku! Keep your shitty hands to yourself, you’re supposed to be washing her up, not feeling her up, shitbrain.” Kacchan barked, slamming his fist down against the table to get Izuku’s attention.
Both you and the man in front of you jumped, Izuku immediately blushing the deepest red you’d ever seen, flashing the blonde an apologetic look and you a nervous smile, before he seemed to gather himself, continuing to dutifully cleanse your nether regions.
It was awkward for the both of you, feeling his hands run over your private areas, over your sex, through your ass cheeks. But then he was down, rinsing you off with scoops of warm water before fetching a large towel, ushering you out of the basin, holding out the towel to wrap around your body when you stepped out.
Then you were ushered closer to the fire, sat upon a small stool as you huddled close to the warmth, clutching the towel tightly around you. The air was quite warmer than outside, but was still cold to your wet skin.
Izuku began running his fingers through your hair, parting knots, patting sections dry with a corner of the towel. By the time he was finished, you felt warm again, face rosy from the heat of the fire.
The heat felt pleasant, like the feeling of a full belly after a long day.
You were tired, exhausted from the emotional weight you had endured. Village burned, tripping over corpses and disembodied limbs, taken captive, forced away from your fellow villagers.  Stripped down and fondled - at this point, you just wanted to sleep.
To sleep and sleep, wake up and have this all be a bad dream. Some twisted nightmare your mind conjured up while in the warmth and safety of your own home.
A large hand upon your shoulder roused you from your half-asleep state, lulled by the warmth of the fire and the quietness of the tent. You jumped, turning to find Kacchan towering over you and Izuku both.
Kacchan crouched, his hand sliding from your shoulder to your hair, then onto your cheek. “You look so fuckin’ weird.”
Izuku sputtered. “Oh my god, what he means to say, is that we’ve never seen anyone like you before. You’re… quite unique, and very um, attractive.”
You leaned away from the hand on your cheek, and Kacchan let you, red eyes blinking slowly as they scanned your features.  He was an odd man, as was Izuku. There was an obvious dynamic of power, Izuku submitting to Kacchan willingly.
“Alright, you’re dry enough, get up.” You blinked at Kacchan, processing his words, before he huffed out a breath, rising to his own feet. “C’mon, let’s go, are you stupid? Get the fuck up.”
You scrambled to your feet, towel still wrapped tightly around your body, preserving your modesty.
Kacchan’s hand shot out, gripping the back of your neck, pulling you along with him as he strode towards the back of the tent, towards the sectioned screen acting as a wall.
“Deku, make your ass useful and dump out the bathwater, will ya?”
You weren’t able to see Izuku move due to the hand forcing your head forward, but you could hear his footsteps as he hurried to do what Kacchan instructed.
Rounding the screen, it was clear to see that this was where the Barbarian King slept, a pile of cozy-looking furs strewn in a pile on the ground.
You were promptly shoved towards them, stumbling down to your knees as you lost your balance. The furs provided cushion though, soft and inviting.
But you were scared again.
It was happening, it was going to happen, you were going to raped by the King.
Turning back towards the man, you began to plead, hands securing the towel around your shoulders like a safety blanket. “Sir, please, don’t do this, why me? You can have anyone, not me, please not me.”
He ignored you in favor of beginning to strip, unfastening his cloak, removing his weapons. You decided to try and appeal using a more personal approach.
“Kacchan-“
Suddenly the man was in your face, his own visage twisted into a growl.
“Don’t you ever fucking call me that. Stupid ass Deku made that shit up when we were kids, I’m not some brat anymore. I’m Katsuki-“ He backed away from you, leaving you trembling. “-Barbarian King.”
The man resumed removing his clothes, dropping his belt to the ground, grumbling as he began to undo his pants. “Should beat his fuckin’ ass for calling me that, so goddamn disrespectful. Fuck him, stupid little ass wipe twerp-“
You tuned him out, frozen. What could you do? Another impasse where your options were none.
A strong hand gripped your shoulder, or more accurately, your towel, tugging it forcefully away from you.
“No!” You cried, trying to pull it back, to cover yourself, but the man was stronger, ripping it away before you could utter another word.
“No! Stop, please!” You tried again, finally taking in Kacc-Katsuki before you. He was naked now, aside from the paint decorating his skin. His cock was quickly hardening, plumping up with each step he took towards you as you scrambled backwards.
“Katsuk-Katsuki, I’m begging you, please don’t do this. I’ll do anything! Please just have someone else!” You sobbed, back finally meeting the wall of the tent.
Katsuki smirked, crouching down just out of your reach. “You’ll do anything? You’ll let my horde use you as a toy then?”
Dread flowed through your already fear-filled body, and you gulped thickly, eyes closing.
“No?”
Shaking your head, you started to cry silently, tears slipping down your cheeks.
“You’re already doing fucking anything.” Katsuki growled, hand shooting out to grab your ankle, dragging you down and towards him.
A high-pitched cry left you as he pulled you under him, until he was hovering over you, grinning. “Cry all you want, ain’t gonna change a damn thing. In fact-“ He surged down, until his forehead touched your own, red eyes blazing “-It just turns me on more.”
The man pulled away, a hand falling heavily around your throat, giving a compulsory squeeze before hie started moving his hand downwards, fingers skimming across your flesh.
Immediately, your own hands caught his own, trying to still their journey as they neared your breasts. Katsuki paused, a sound akin to a growl falling from his throat as his eyes flickered away from your body and up to your own eyes.
There was a threat there, a warning. Let him touch, or else. Trembling, you removed your hands, instead grabbing at the furs you rested upon. Katsuki made a gruff sound of approval, before resuming his exploration of your body.
“You’re like nothing I’vs ever seen before, know that? Like some fuckin’ alien or something, but damn, you’re gorgeous. Didn’t even know someone could look like this.” He mused, entranced as he watched his hands splay over your body, pinching at your skin, caressing your breasts, slipping over your stomach and down between your legs.
“Oh god, pleaseee-“ You sobbed out, cringing as a finger trailed down your slit.
Katsuki stilled, quirking a brow as he smiled meanly. “Please what? You wanna cum?”
“Please stop…” You whispered, eyes clenching shut again as he found your clit, giving it a few quick rubs.
The man scoffed, before quickly teasing one of his fingers into your tight hole. “Tough shit, I’ve never had whatever the fuck you are, I ain’t stopping”
His finger burned, dry and too large, and you struggled to keep from clenching down upon it in discomfort, trying to force out the intrusion. This would go easier if you relaxed, if you let him have his way. You knew that, rationally, but it was hard to make you body obey.
Katsuki prepped you quickly, fingering you open until he deemed you ready, withdrawing his fingers and crudely wiping them off upon your thigh. You twitched away at the wetness, at your own slick being cleaned off  on your skin, but Katsuki ignored you.
“Why do you look like this anyway? What the fuck happened?” Katsuki asked coarsely, shuffling off of your thighs, moving to lounge by your side, studying you.
The man seemed to be taking a break, more interested in your looks than fucking you, but you were glad for the reprieve, trying to wipe tears from your face as you struggled to think of a response.
“I-I don’t know?” You finally spoke, genuinely at a loss for how to explain your appearance.
Katsuki studied you with sharp eyes, a hand reaching down to his cock, beginning to absent-mildly pump himself while he looked you over.
“I’ve traveled through every shitty little village in the north, met with the damn piss-baby tribes of the east, I’ve ransacked the towns of spoiled nobles, and I’ve never seen anyone who looks like you.”
You sat up, subtly shuffling away from the Barbarian King while you shrugged, at a loss.
Your appearance wasn’t anything superiorly unusual, but apparently it piqued Katsuki’s interest. Yes, your skin was perhaps a bit different, but it’s not like you were inhuman.
Katuski seemed to get tired of talking though, settling further back into the furs, getting himself comfortable as he jerked himself off. You refused to look between his legs.
“Alright, whatever. Get up here.”
Pausing, you looked at him incredulously. Did he mean on his lap? His chest? You didn’t want to be anywhere near him - wouldn’t he find more pleasure with someone who was willing?
“Are you fucking deaf? C’mon, up.” He growled, patting his thigh, urging you over.
A gulp before you started moving, limbs heavy and hesitant, unwilling as you slowly crawled forward, towards the intimidating, impatient blonde.
You straddled his thighs unsteadily, swinging your leg over, trying to avoid touching his cock.
Unfortunately, despite your best efforts, you caught sight of it, the red tip, the precum making his length shine, the wrinkly, darker skin of his balls, his blond pubes.
You cringed, distaste evident upon your face, and you heard Katsuki chuckle darkly before his hands grabbed your hips, dragging you forward.
“What, don’t fucking like what you see? Am I not to your taste? I’ve fucked whorebag princesses less fussy than you. Get over yourself.” He spat, before taking a hand off your hip, reaching underneath you to line himself up as his other hand kept you lifted.
You trembled in his hold, twitching and swaying to the side, but this was unavoidable.
A gasp left your lips as he entered you, tip slipping through your folds, teasing into your wet hole, stretching you out.
Katsuki let out a groan, slowly dropping you down until he could remove his hand from his cock, returning it to your hip, guiding you to push further down. You felt disgusting, his cock sliding against your velvety insides, dirtying your walls with leaking precum.
When your sit bones rested against his upper thighs, his cock resting fully inside you, it felt impossible to breathe, your chest rising to draw in air but failing, the distress you felt upon being speared open seemingly too much for your body to handle.
“Fucking hell, you’re so tight. You got a dirty little cunt, don’t you? Feels fucking amazing.” Katsuki groaned, moving his hips minutely, relishing the grip your inside had on his cock, how warm you were around him.
“Ride me, will you? I’m getting bored down here.” He snapped after a moment, delivering a harsh slap to your rear to emphasize his words, spurring you into tentative action.
Problem is, you didn’t want to.
Your palms rested against his heated chest, eyes raising to the ceiling as your cheeks burned. This was embarrassing, you couldn’t do this. You couldn’t be an active participant in your violation. What would that make you?
“Oi, princess - I don’t got all night.“ Katsuki growled, landing a significantly more-jarring hit to rear, hard enough to make you squeak and jump, hips twitching at the sensation of his cock moving around your pussy at the movement.
Afraid of more forceful repercussions, you started to move, slowly sliding up, then down, creeping along, hoping it’d be enough to satisfy the man.
It wasn’t.
Katsuki grumbled something under his breath, before tightening his hold on your hips, planting his feet in the furs, then plunging into you with force. The sudden movement jostled you, and you fell forward with a cry, head bouncing onto Katsuki’s chest by your hands, the man groaning as he found a satisfactory rhythm.
“There we go, that’s fuckin’ nice.”
You cried into his chest, hands clutched into fists as you were bounced up and down, the led slap of skin too loud and jarring in the tent. The paint on Katsuki’s body was beginning to smear, sweat dampening his skin and letting the paint drip onto the ground, transfer to your own skin.
It was starting to feel good, make your stomach tighten, limbs tremble with pleasure instead of fear, and you hated it.
Slick sounds reached your ears, out of rhythm with Katsuki’s quick prods. It was wet, pulsing, as if someone-
Gasping breaths reached your ears, not from the man grunting beneath you.
Another round of cold fear dampened your arousal as you honed in on the sound, realizing it was coming from the other side of the screen.
Someone was on the other side of the screen, listening in to the Barbarian King taking you against your will.
A stuttered cry left you when Katsuki pushed too hard, hitting your sweet spot, making you clench and shudder, forgetting about the other person for a second.
But they were so loud, little gasps and moans, and the shlick, shlick, shlick, was getting faster and faster, it was impossible to ignore.
Should you try to tell Katsuki? Would he stop? Would he be mad? It was so disturbing, knowing someone was sitting on the other side of the screen,  jerking themselves off so obviously .
“Katsuki-Katsuki wait, oh-“ You started, quickly cut off by a series of battering thrusts against your sweet spot.
But you had to try again. “Wait, sto-o-op, wa-unh, unh, Katsuki pl-mmh!”
“Shut up, I don’t fucking care.” The man snapped, out of breath.
“But there’s-oh…. Katsuki there’s someo-“
“I don’t /fucking care/.” Katsuki reiterated, gritting his teeth. He shut you up with another perfectly placed push against your sweet spot, and a cruel spank against your already-stinging ass.
“Ow!” You yelped, clenching up.  It was clear now, that Katsuki was aware of the listener, he just didn’t mind. Maybe he got off on it, knowing someone was listening to him take apart his latest conquest.
Clenching up was the wrong response, because the Barbarian King swore, before his hips sped up, bouncing you so violently on his lap that you found it hard to breath, barely able to hang on for the ride.
“Oh…. (Y/N)….” The voice behind the screen moaned lowly, almost whispering.
It was Izuku.
You shivered, at the sound, feeling creeped out with the knowledge that the gentle, timid “interpreter” was listening. He must have returned at some point from dumping out the basin. You were feeling revolted by this entire situation, disgusted with Katsuki, Izuku, and most importantly with yourself.
Pleasure was building quickly in your stomach, zapping up into your chest, making you tingle and shake with the sensations assaulting your body.
“Sit back, fucking sit back-“ Katsuki panted, pushing at one of your shoulders to push you up, so he could see you as he fucked up into you, watch your body move, your face contorting in pleasure.
You felt like you couldn’t help it, your eyes closing, mouth falling open to let out girlish, high-pitched moans.
Your breasts were being jostled, jiggling up and down with the movement of your body, and it hurt. Hands moved to hold them, stopping their bouncing, but Katsuki appreciated the view apparently, because he groaned, pushing his head back while still trying to watch you.
“Fuck, that’s so hot. Keep touching yourself princess, keep moaning like a little slut. Let Deku know how fucking good I’m making you feel.”
Your body didn’t give you a choice, noises being pushed from your throat involuntarily as Katsuki pounded into you, red eyes trained on your frame, intense and unwavering.
An orgasm ripped through you, seemingly out of nowhere despite the steady buildup of it the past few minutes. You gasped, breathing catching in your throat, hips furiously grinding down against Katsuki’s as you rode it out, trying to stimulate your clit to intensify the feeling.
The noises leaving you were perverted; wet gasps, little squeaks and long moans as you fucked yourself onto Katsuki’s cock, previous hesitance forgotten in preference of chasing your pleasure.
Katsuki swore underneath you again, rabbiting his hips up into you in response, breathing raggedly as he neared his own release.
You were so lost in feeling the sensations in your own body, you didn’t register the stuttered groans on the other side of the screen, the speedy clicking of Izuku jerking himself through his own orgasm, the almost-silent spatter of his cum hitting the screen.
Katsuki swore once more, a vehement “Shit, shit!” before he pulled out quickly, orgasm apparently catching him by surprise, the first few warm strings of cum shooting into your warm cunt, adding to the wet mess of your own orgasm.
The rest was aimed onto the puffy lips of your slit, one of Katsuki’s hands leaving your hips to pump his cock as he gasped, hips twitching upward at the sudden temperature change from your burning heat to the air of the tent.
Then there was just the sound of three people breathing heavily, completely spent, sweaty and dirtied from sex.
Katsuki pulled you down onto his chest, chuckling breathlessly as he brought his clean hand to your head, ruffling your hair tiredly.
“Well, you’re a goddamn catch, pussy’s like a fuckin’ vice.” The crude comment made your cheeks color, but as exhausted as you were, you couldn’t find the energy to offer a rebuttal.
“I think you’re gonna stick around for a while.” Katsuki mused, and you felt your heart drop. “Yeah, you’re a keeper. Maybe if fuckface over there-“ The blond slapped at the screen “-can stop being a pervert, we could actually fuck without feeling creeped out.”  He growled, although the blonde didn’t sound irritated in the least.
A small “Sorry Kacchan” was whispered from the other side of the screen, and Katsuki laughed dryly.
“Tell you what bastard, maybe I’ll let you touch her a bit.” Katsuki said, a hand creeping down to knead at your ass. “Then you don’t have to act like a little freak. Who knows, maybe I’ll even let you fuck her if you do good translating those maps we found. Got it, you little shitnugget?”
“Mm, alright Kacchan.” Came the tired response.
You were barely awake, already drifting off on Katsuki’s warm chest, too preoccupied with the red and gold paint no doubt smearing against your cheek than with the conversation going on around you.
You could panic about that later.
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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 years
Text
Season 16 (Part 1)
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Summary: After being captured by Michael while Dean was under his control, the reader has spent a very long time locked away waiting for someone to come and find her. When the day finally comes that the door opens, it’s not a familiar face she’s greeted with. Somehow the impossible is standing right in front of her but there’s no time to think about that. Something is terribly wrong and the reader needs the help of this strange young man if she wants to stop what Michael’s put in motion and have a chance at seeing Dean alive again...
Masterlist
Pairing: Dean x reader
Square: Free Space
Word Count: 3,600ish
Warnings: language, SPN season 15 and series spoilers, injury, mention of main character deaths, mention of torture, angst, fluff
A/N: This series takes place post season 15 and follows canon (i.e. if it happened in the show, it happened in this story’s universe). This series is told between the reader and Dean’s POV. This was also written for @supernatural-jackles​ Tell Me A Story bingo!
________
Reader’s POV
You just about had a heart attack when the door opened. It’d been such a long time since it’d been opened. Years and years and years. You’d lost track of the days quickly but it was long enough for you to accept that it’d been a very long time. Long enough to accept that when Michael took over Dean and threw you down in the windowless little room, Dean didn’t win that fight.
The only thing keeping you going aside from the spell Michael had put up to keep you permanently trapped, body stuck in time, was the desire to save Dean. Or what was left of him. You’d been alone for years, body having taken a beating by Michael when he first captured you. You were still covered in bruises, broken ribs that wouldn’t heal, pain in every breath. You didn’t sleep, didn’t eat. Solitude, cut off from the world, that was your main form of torture. Dean though...who knew what hell he was going through trapped with a psychopath like that for all these years.
You readied yourself, a dark figure walking inside the room. The room was pitch black to a certain point before you were trapped under a bright light you’d yet to figure out how to turn off. The figure stopped as their feet hit the brightness, a pair of brown boots and slim dark jeans all you could make out. They mumbled something and you felt the air shift slightly. You dared to reach at hand out to where the invisible wall keeping you trapped had been.
Your hand waved right on through it and you suddenly felt cool, clean air hit you. The person jolted when you sprang up, running away as you bolted for the door. You followed them up a flight of stairs and straight out into the foyer of a very nice house. You could see it was a man now and tackled him, straddling his hips and grabbing your knife from your waistband of your loose shorts, holding it to his throat. He breathed hard as you stared at him, cocking your head.
He was the spitting image of Dean. Mostly. His eyes weren’t green and there was something about his nose that reminded you of your own. The biggest tell of all though was the genuine fear in his face, the confusion. 
“What’s your name,” you said. You held up the knife for a moment and tucked it away when you saw he was only focused on it. The young man, no more than twenty years old, took a deep breath. You yelped when he threw his legs up and wrapped them around your waist, yanking you off of him. He scrambled to his feet but you were on his tail, grabbing at his jacket. He spun around and popped you in the face, sending you to the floor.
You whined and cupped your cheek, the young man frozen in the doorway with a horrified look on his face.
“Who punches their own mom!” you shouted. He ran out the door and you went after, growling at your bare feet as he took off down the gravel driveway. “I’m gonna find you!”
You stomped your foot on the cool concrete front path, glancing to your right and spotting a sports car. You jogged back inside and found a pair of women’s sneakers, a little too big but you tied them tight and found some keys on a front table. 
About two minutes later you were pulling up beside the guy on the road and hopped out of the car, the man running into the nearby treeline. You pulled out your knife and threw it, catching his jacket and pinning the sleeve to the tree trunk. He stumbled and fell down as you walked over, staring up with wide eyes. You sighed and ran a hand over your face. 
“Can you at least tell me your first name?” you asked. He shook his head and you crossed your arms. “I bet your name is Lyle, isn’t it.”
“How’d you know that?” he asked, voice a bit higher than Dean’s but it made you smile, something warm and familiar to it.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think recently. Lyle is my top name for a boy if I ever had one,” you said. “So. Lyle Winchester.”
“That’s not my name,” he said. He stood up and pulled out the knife, carefully holding it out to you.
“You look just like Dean and me. You’re my son...somehow,” you said.
“Fine. My name is Lyle and that’s all I can say about myself,” he said. “I’m serious.”
You recognized the tone, that edge to it, the roughness but laced with an undercurrent of worry. Part of you wanted him to tell you everything about him but you knew he couldn’t, instead letting yourself give him a simple nod.
“I’ll make you a deal Lyle. I won’t ask questions about you that you can’t answer if you tell me how and why you got me out of there and answer anything else I want to know about this little situation.”
“Or else what?” he scoffed.
“Or else someday when you’re a teenager I won’t let you do anything. Lyle.” You took the knife from him and put it away, taking a deep breath. You stepped back out to the road, leaning against the car. You shut your eyes, something heavy draped over you. You peeled one eye open, Lyle leaning back against the car next to you in a blue flannel and dark gray t-shirt. His black hooded jacket was over your shoulders and you slipped your arms through the sleeves, wrapping them around yourself. You squeezed your eyes tight, shuddering before warm arms embraced you, Lyle almost as tall as Dean holding you close to him. “How did you know I was down there?”
“I can’t answer that,” he said.
“What year is it?” you asked.
“2089.” You froze, staring up at him. “Well, 2089 where we are right now is.”
“Lyle. It was 2018 when Michael took me. That’s not possible.”
“I can’t answer that either.” Tears welled up in your eyes and he hugged you again. “Sorry.”
“Dean was thirty nine the last time I saw him and it’s seventy one years later? He is dead. Sam is dead. They’re all dead so explain to me how the fucking hell I have a son with Dean!” you shouted. You pushed him away and ran your hands over your face. “Years. Fucking years I’ve sat down there waiting for him to come and get me. Him or Sam or someone. Fucking seventy one years!”
“Y/N,” he said, sounding a bit awkward but he cleared his throat. “I can’t answer everything because I don’t know everything. But I exist and that should tell you something.”
You wiped off your face with his sleeve and looked around, turning back and staring at him.
“I’m at the start of whatever this is and you’re way down the line,” you said. He nodded with a slight smile.
“I don’t understand it but this, where I’m from, this has already happened to you.”
“You’re from the future then,” you said.
“Not exactly,” he said. 
“A different universe?” He looked at you like you were nuts and the air shifted, Lyle freezing. You turned and saw Jack, a smile on his face. “Jack?”
“Hi Y/N,” he said. He stepped over and gave you a big hug, a little bit of ache inside you easing finally. “Don’t worry about him. He’s just on pause.”
“Jack I don’t understand fucking anything. What’s going on?” you asked. He pursed his lips and sighed.
“Well you already figured out Lyle is your and Dean’s son. I didn’t think I could slip that one past you. But it had to be him that came and saved you.”
“Why?”
“Dean’s in heaven. Has been for 69 years.” You broke away from him feeling like you’d had a punch to gut and making you breathless. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that with the whole decades worth of trauma thing happening right now.”
“Did Michael…” you trailed off.
“No. A piece of rebar on a vamp hunt,” he said.
“He what?” you said.
“Yeah got pushed back on it. Sam was okay though. Oh and Dean had a dog for a few months.”
“Dean fucking died from that? That’s what kept him down?” you said. Jack nodded and you looked down, blinking your eyes. “Disregarding what is going on in my head right now about that, why didn’t you heal him? Or Castiel?”
“Well Cas was in heaven helping me rebuild after he sort of died and I brought him back. I kinda am the new God,” he said with a smile.
“I’m proud of that but again, why didn’t you come down here and heal Dean?”
“I’m sort of hands off in that regard,” he said. You were about to go off on him for that when it hit you.
“Jack how long have you known I was alive,” you said. 
“2020 when I took over, I got these extra-”
“You knew I was alive and  left me in a hole in the ground for over seventy years?” you said. 
“Like I said, I’m hands off,” he said. 
“I was your fucking mom! I took care of you! I protected you! I almost died for you more than once and when you find out I’m still alive you say fuck that bitch, she can deal with it on her own? What the fuck is wrong with you!” you shouted. You slapped him in the face, Jack pouting as you sank down to your knees. “I want Dean.”
“Y/N.”
“I want Dean and Sam.”
“Y/N-”
“I want Dean!”
“I can’t-”
“Fuck you! You’re as every bit as evil as that devil father of yours after all,” you said. You forced yourself to your feet, tears prickling in his eyes. “Oh did I hurt your feelings? Tough fucking shit! Do you realize that I have not only been stuck waiting for years but my body got stuck too. I’ve been sitting with broken ribs for seventy years. Every single breath excruciating.”
You yanked up your shirt, deep purple and black skin radiating across most of your abdomen. Jack reached out a hand and you moved back, dropping your shirt.
“I thought you were hands off. I don’t want your-” you said before warmth trickled through you, the pain gone, body feeling so strange at being without it. 
“I don’t have to touch to heal you,” he said quietly. He swallowed and bowed his head. “I tried to let people live their lives without my interference and sometimes they’re messy but I’ve come to realize recently that’s wrong. A bit of help here and there is good. It gives people hope and maybe I should have done things different.”
“My family’s dead and I don’t want to wait around decades more to see them again in heaven. You’re going to-”
“No I won’t. Lyle’s life counts on you doing exactly what you’re supposed to as do your two other children’s. I can’t just put you in heaven. You can’t die right and you have to wait to see Dean until things work themselves out. Lyle’s going to be with you for a while and help get some things settled. It’s already set in motion so go with it,” he said.
“Jack I want Dean. Please,” you said. “Please Jack. Just five minutes.”
“Would you rather have your family back in the near future, alive, or would you rather have your and Dean’s souls torn apart and you never see him again, dead or alive? Rather he over there doesn’t exist? Rather no one exists?”
“I didn’t say that. Of course I would rather have them back alive-“
“Then be patient.”
“Jack. You gotta give me something. Something please.”
“I’ll talk to Lyle, tell him he can loosen up some. But I can’t tell you what to do. You have to follow your gut. Listen to Lyle and it’ll work out,” said Jack. You squeezed your eyes shut, Jack carefully resting a hand on your shoulder. “Do you hate me?”
“I hate that our family was ripped apart. I hate that you didn’t tell the boys I was alive once you knew. I hate that the last time I saw Dean alive we argued. I think what I hate most of all is that you treated us like everyone else. We’re not, Jack. We’re your family. All of us deserved a chance at normal and we didn’t get it.”
“Sam did.”
“How many years did Sam live without us? Without his brother?” you asked. Jack glanced down and you nodded. “You said you became God? Why didn’t you get rid of the monsters altogether Jack. Don’t tell me you don’t have that power.”
“I thought...I thought it was the natural order.”
“Yet you know there are other universes with no monsters at all. You could have taken the monsters away. Shit turn them human for all I care. The boys didn’t have to keep hunting after you took over. You could have been hands off and changed that one fact and saved so many lives, improved so many lives.”
“No. I couldn’t have changed it. Not back then.”
“Why the hell not?” you asked. He pulled his hand away and you found yourself in some clean clothes, Lyle’s jacket folded on top of the car.
“Because when I became God, I learned a lot. It sucks knowing that certain things have to happen and that I had to ignore when Sam prayed to me in that barn because things had to happen this way.”
“But why?”
“Because if I didn’t, if I’d intervened then and there, this universe, all of the ones I’ve been busy rebuilding, the way I’ve been rebuilding heaven...it’d be gone. Destroyed and I wouldn’t be able to put it back. It’s a temporary pain even if it doesn’t seem like it. So please, Y/N, please, listen to Lyle. Work with him. It’ll work out and things can be okay. You can have everything you ever wanted and more. You can have the freaking apple pie life and the no monsters and all of it but please understand you have more shit to go through first and whatever happens, do not let Lyle die.”
“He’s my son. I wouldn’t let that happen to him,” you said. Jack nodded and you grabbed his arm when he turned to leave. “You’ve grown up Jackie.”
“I’m still a baby by God standards,” he said.
“The guys take care of you after I was gone?” you asked. 
“Yeah. I missed you though,” he said. “I accidentally killed Mary and sort of lost my soul for a bit. Things got bad for a while.”
“Do you see Kelly in heaven sometimes? Mary?” you asked. He nodded and you smiled. “Kids can fuck up and your parents will forgive you.”
“I’m sorry it has to be this way, Y/N. If I could snap my fingers to fix it all, stop it from ever happening, I would.”
“I’m going to trust that it had to be this way,” you said. “But give me a ballpark figure here. When do I get the guys back?”
“That’s relative. You’re going to end up breaking the space time continuum so it’s hard to answer that correctly.” You stared at him and he shrugged. “Not too long. A few days at most. I promise.”
“Wait is that how we have a twenty year old son?” you asked.
“Yes. The next time you see Dean he’ll be younger than the last you saw him. Just trust your gut and Lyle. Next time I see you I hope things are much better,” he said. You opened your mouth but he disappeared. You shook your head and turned around, Lyle now wearing his jacket, standing closer to the passenger seat door. For a long while you both simply stared, Lyle looking as if he’d just had his own long conversation with Jack. 
“You can call me Y/N if that makes it easier,” you said. He nodded and you took a deep breath, going to the driver’s side. “So. What’s the next move?”
“Jack just said after I got you out we had to go to Lebanon. He didn’t tell me anything more than that,” he said.
“Any idea where we are?” you asked.
“San Antonio,” he said. “So we go North?”
“Yeah,” you said quietly. “Mind taking the first shift driving? I sort of haven’t slept in like seventy years.”
“No that’s fine,” he said. He walked around the front and you made your way to the passenger side, climbing in and sighing. He got behind the wheel and took a deep breath. “You and dad run a construction business.”
“That’s nice,” you said, smiling to yourself. “Dean’d be real good at that kind of thing. He’s really smart.”
“I know. Most guys can’t call up their dad for help on their architecture homework,” he said. 
“You go to college?” you asked, Lyle nodding. “Do you know about...this stuff?”
“I’m still not convinced I’m not insane. I just got home on a friday night. We had dinner and everyone went outside to have a bonfire in the backyard. I went in to use the bathroom and Uncle Jack stopped me before I could get back outside. He said a lot of crazy stuff I didn’t believe but the fact you were in that basement...you and dad are only like forty but you’re obviously too old right now to have had me when that would have made sense and Uncle Jack said space and time is gonna break and-”
“Lyle,” you said, holding up a hand. “Relax. I just want to know, do you know what hunting is?”
“Dad doesn’t go hunting,” he said, narrowing his eyes. You smiled and nodded to yourself. “We don’t even own a gun.”
“I doubt that. But that must mean that something happens to the monsters along the way too.”
“What do you mean monsters? And why were you kidnapped in a basement? And what the fuck is going on? You’re supposed to be my mom that runs the family business and you kick ass in your soccer league in the summer and you can’t cook to save your life and that’s okay cause you’re really good at baking and pies and shit and I just don’t understand who you really are.” His face was flush, eyes fighting back tears. You smiled, reaching over and cupping his cheek.
“You’re a good guy Lyle. We obviously did something right,” you said, wiping away a stray tear that fell. “It’s scary. It’s really scary. I’m not your mom yet but I will be someday. I promise I will tell you everything you don’t know when I catch up to your time. Dean and I will. But we need to go to Lebanon and the faster we can go there and figure out what we have to do, the faster we can get you back home where you belong.”
“But can’t you-”
“This world isn’t safe, Lyle. It is very unsafe for a Winchester especially. Please drive now,” you said. You put on your seatbelt and he closed his eyes. “Please.”
“I was supposed to be having a smore right now,” he said.
“I know. But saving the world is kinda cool,” you said. 
“I don’t want to save the world. I want to go home and not see my mom be beat to shit. I want my dad to go back to teasing me at dinner and not being dead,” he said. 
“If we do this right, you can go back to that really soon. It hasn’t happened for me yet. We can talk all about this when you come back. The night you come back we can talk through it all. But we have to get going. The sooner we go, the sooner it goes back to normal.”
“It’ll never be normal again.”
“Yes it will. I promise.”
“How do you-“
“Because I just had this really bad thing happen to me but someday I’m going to have you and everything I ever wanted with Dean. So it sucks right now but it’ll be better eventually. I know it will. You’re here so I know it’ll be normal.” He nodded and wiped off his face, starting the car up again.
“Y/N. Are you okay after...you know...being down there beat up all that time?”
“Not really,” you said. He took off his jacket and handed it to you. You stared before he rolled his eyes, laying it over your front.
“Sleep. I can drive.”
“Lyle.”
“Y/N. Rest. It’s safe. I got this.”
“You take after your dad.”
“Take after someone else too,” he said. You smiled and nodded, resting your head on your shoulder, closing your eyes. “I’ll wake you up for breakfast.”
“Egg and-”
“Cheese on a biscuit, two breakfast burritos, extra hot sauce and a small hot latte.”
“At least my road trip order didn’t change,” you said, quickly relaxing and falling asleep for the first time in ages.
_______
A/N: Read part 2 here!
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