#okay hopefully these tags cover spoilers lol

[rowanthestrange]

The Master And Margarita Jacket

(Matthew Sweet’s Doctor Who version…but with a frisson of Bulgakov’s)

It’s done! With every bit of unphotographical glittery metallic paint that I can’t capture on camera even if my iphone skills weren’t rubbish.

@spoonietimelordy, @rearranging-deck-chairs, @bearinabandana and everyone else who Did The Reading of that one ‘I Am The Master’ novel but I’ve forgotten to tag because i’m so sleep deprived i can’t think any more but hopefully other people will, assemble!

Detailed closeups and explanations (with some spoilers) below:

Starting front top right side (face on). -Margarita herself, biting a mushroom. A more Cockatoo beak than Macaw, with red face instead of white, to make what exactly she is more mysterious. -The Master Who logo here is just gold, any shading didn’t look right when it was so thin.

Front top right pocket. Purple, of course.

-Next section down are these three. The ‘Never Stop Growing’ patch is my second favourite patch of the bunch. So many Master Themes, and plot relevant. -Then the little ‘Best Buds’ with the heart in the middle. I was inordinately proud of that idea. (Buds, budding, bigenerated vibe). -And then ‘Obscene Lotus’. That’s mentioned early in the book, and while it’s just described as a big purplish lotus, there’s so much sexual charging in that scene that, well, you gotta.

Me, reusing the ‘budding’ pun in a different capacity? It’s more likely than you think.

-The cover of the Penguin Clothbound Classic version of the original The Master And Margarita, that took multiple days to complete and so much agony. -The patch is a blank one that I bought, then painted the design to look like one of those stamps people sometimes put in books. Painted the border the same colour, then tea-stained it to look like old paper. Certainly in real life the colour comes out nicely. I couldn’t find his autograph (and sadly there’s an unrelated artist with the same name lol) but he got his doctorate in Wilkie Collins so I just looked up examples of that guy’s writing and tried to give it a bit of that vibe. Hopefully it’s the thought that counts. But hey, if anyone ever meets him and gets me a signature sample I can just redo it.

General mushroom patch - I like the fire kind of vibe and the looming.

To the other side!

So. You’re asking what’s with the daisy theme. Fair. So Margarita is also another name for a daisy in some languages. I choose to lean into that because it’s also the widely known symbol of Three - with that scene where he talks to Jo and recounts how a hermit living on a mountain helped dispel his depression by getting him to focus on the beauty of the flower (“and it was the most daisiest daisy”). Given that Three is essentially a character in the book, this felt like the vibe we’re going for. It’s perennial. It also is a healer of bruises and wounds, how can that not be relevant meta wise too to the Master’s new companion, hm? And okay yes, Mikhail does say he’s not a botanist, but if you can think of another way to get that message across other than botanical illustration page…

I like the patch because lightbulb, idea, full of mushrooms etc.

-‘I Am The Master’ being the name of the book the story is contained in, plus Fun With Identity. -Next the one bit of Real Art that I attempted to copy in glittery acrylics - Magritte’s ‘The Treachery Of Images’ or more commonly known ‘Ceci n’est pas une pipe’. The story not only of the Master’s experiences recently, but the story’s themes of hallucinations and deceptions; as well as being the symbol of Russian!Brigadier. -This patch is great isn’t it? A play on the Master’s apparent alcoholism or Russian blending in as you prefer, and of course, The Lighthouse of Martin!Doctor fame.

-Mikhail’s guitar for playing Brown Sugar and other ominous inference songs. -The formula triangle of Love, Food, and Music (I couldn’t think of a self-evident way to show his approach to food - Russian dumplings are, well, not exactly distinct). On its side so the glittery pink triangle points in a certain direction because he’s escaped places and I can do ominous inferences too Sweet. -Maybe controversial? There is a failed love story component in here though, that I just couldn’t leave unmarked. The Doctor, K’vo, and Jo all have their parts to play in that.

Now for the arms:

Here’s the right-side looking-on arm. -I repainted this mushroom patch to be the orange and green of K’vo’s. -You’ve already seen the long image of it above, so here’s just a snippet closeup of the motif that goes along both arms. Daisies linked in a chain with the words ‘daisiest daisy’ (if you wonder why everything’s outlined by the way, a) i like the style, and b) it makes glitter infinitely more legible and clearer to see if there’s a dark matt border around it breaking it up, especially with something as variable coloured as denim). There’s the sunflower in the middle because Margarita loves her sunflower seeds.

This is the other arm. Margarita holding a margarita in a margarita. What’s more to add? I used my shittest white (mixed with my fabric medium as everything else has been at every step) rather than @yesokayiknow’s excellent suggestion of Liquitex, which has saved me everywhere else, including those light patches. But here shitty kids basics acrylic is translucent enough to do some excellent work pretending to be glass and ice. The parrot patch has been altered to make the beak entirely black and her face red instead of macaw white, to keep her species ambiguous as literary theme demands.

To the back!

This Master Who logo is bigger, so it has the Master’s purple highlights like bruising.

Here is a small UNIT patch I modified to be a Russian one, globe focused on their continent (roughly). Sweet just translated the word ‘unit’ for Russian!Brigadier’s group, and the text is the re-cyrilliced version of that.

Skipping to the bottom…

Here referencing O’s collection of Doctor Information, Sweet adding to that with having distinct scrapbooks. ‘Manuscripts Don’t Burn’ is a line from Bulgakov’s The Master And Margarita (spoken by Satan in fact, mhmm) and became something of a rallying cry for oppressed Russian artists. I have ‘Author Unknown’ for the obvious meta with his and the Doctor’s memories, and likewise, the fact that flames are clearly present and burning lets the viewer come to whatever conclusion they like. #133 was chosen for the simple fact that in my copy of Bulgakov’s novel, and the one depicted on the front of the jacket, it is page 133 which starts the chapter The Hero Enters, where we meet The Master who has renounced all other names (who is very much, as Interference notes, the Doctor). They are glitter paint titles done on Hemline repair patches, black, brown, white, and navy blue. I know anything too painty on that area of the back will risk a lot of wear, and these are easily replaced when necessary (if still hours of lettering).

To the left most side…

This was the most expensive patch I bought, £12. But worth it. The mushroom stalk is silk.

Here I depicted in silhouette the scene of the Master climbing up to the Doctor on the giant mushroom. I chose silhouette so as not to draw the eye too much. I also added some 2ply black-black glitter cotton as part of his climbing equipment, attached on by some silver stitches for the…things I can’t remember the name of. It gives it a bit more 3D effect, but also keeps the thread close enough it shouldn’t pull on anything.

And at its base we have a reference to Mikhail’s chosen middle name. I chose to believe it’s relevant, Sweet’s too deep into this for it not to be. This is a cover I edited to highlight the namesake who actually travelled Russia and collected the tales of this book, and indeed, it does include the story of Koschei The Deathless. I edited the robe to be red instead of its original yellow, and added the quintessential Time Lord collar. But I think it’s perfectly passable. This is iron on transfer paper (dark) onto a very light grey polycotton to turn it into a patch. It…*cough* hasn’t had its edges finished or strictly been attached yet, but that’s a bit of handwork I can do as and when.

So finally back up to the middle

I’ve expanded out @spoonlesss-artbook fantastic angel-winged Margarita’s Master art. The Redbubble bag was only that big as it was (hemmed with bostik fabric glue like a true pro and attached as a panel) so it cut off a little, and it didn’t go the whole way anyway, so now we get some endings of the feathers, some all the way up to the arm of the jacket. I tried to blend it into the fire, one creature of both. And trying to get a multidimensional feel, boundary breaking. And again, very glittery irl so plays very well with the fire theme. It was fun when it came to colour-matching particularly the blue wing at the top, because the glitter gives it a bit of a sheen. I blunted it with a few careful washes of black so it still sparkles but is the right colour in most angles.

The Redbubble edit cuts @spoonietimelordy’s signature, so I copied it from the original and moved it over to the left side in some sparkly silver. Also internet doxxing my real life self on the bottom of the back as my own signature.

Doesn’t look like the sort of thing that would take weeks when you see it all together, but I’m really happy with it. I’m so grateful for everyone who’s shown their brilliant art to me and shared posts about painting all these years, cus it allowed me to absorb stuff and let me come out of the gate swinging! It feels thoroughly addictive. Even if I only know ‘use tiny brush’ for almost everything and glitter metallic is great for hiding sins. (And a ‘Ha!’ in the face of my mother keeping me away from it my whole life because of mess - I never got even a single speck on any clothes that wasn’t this jacket. I could’ve been doing this for years rather than just picking up a brush at the age of thirty-damn-one. But at least I’ve got it now).

And thanks to Matthew Sweet for feeding the worms in my brain too.

#the master and margarita #i am the master #matthew sweet #doctor who #dw fanart #the master #dhawan!master #jacket painting #mine #:) #(and you never ask a gentleman how much his patches cost)

[its-short-for-jackalope]

click for quality, she's just a wee bit fuzzy :')

Now that we know exactly when episode 3 is coming, I think it's time to reveal this goofy little thing I've been working on for... a while. 😅 (with tons of feedback and suggestions from the wonderful, incomparable @man-down-in-hatchet-town, of course!)

I think I've seen people make bingo boards like this for other fandoms, and I've been so psyched for TGOA and having an absolute blast tossing theories back and forth in me & Brooke's dms—and sharing some with the rest of you in unreasonably long posts—that I thought it would be a lot of fun to make a little Bingo card with my own predictions for episode 3! some of these I'm really rooting for, but I'm just so excited for a new episode in general.

obviously space is limited, so i had a tough time choosing what to put on here. (special shout-out to "oops... somebody falls off the boat!" which I swapped out after we got the cover art. thanks, Jackie 😂💙) I also feel like some of my selections here might be a little too obvious/guaranteed, but look, guys... I wanted to make sure I had a decent chance of getting at least some of these right, okay???

what, do you think you could do better? 🤨

/jk but, really, I've got a blank card AND a .png of my little anchor stamp below the cut if you want to make your own and play along!!!

and hey, since I've got this handy dandy readmore, I'll also give a quick rundown of how I plan to do this light-hearted lil game.

Unless we do get another transmission or smth that completely confirms/disproves any of my current predictions, my card is locked in. I'm probably not gonna change anything between now and the 24th, and I DEFINITELY won't be changing anything once episode three starts broadcasting.

I'll repost my card before part 1 airs and (hopefully) start a reblog chain with stamped updates after each part goes up. The post will be tagged for spoilers right off the bat!!!

If anybody else wants to fill out a card and play along (please? 🥺💕 it would make my day), y'all can use whatever rules you want, I'm not ur dad lol. get silly with it, make a card full of guesses about what your fave gets up to and no one else, make the craziest guesses, whatever you want! also feel free to tag me! even if it's to show off that you're much better at guessing than I am, lmao. 😁🖤

and hey, maybe I'll do this again with future episodes? even if it's just me and Brooke playing along, lol. making this was fun!

now, without further ado, the blank card and the stamp, which mostly exists because I'm extra and I personally wanted to be able to do more than 'x' out stuff, lol:

#jack jabbers #pulp musicals #matt dahan #pulp musicals bingo #tgoa bingo #pulp musicals episode 3 #the ghosts of antikythera #pulp musicals tgoa #tgoa #pulp musicals theories #pulp musicals theory

[lokiagentoflesbians]

FINALLY started reading thor and loki: double trouble and anyway this page makes the loki show D.B. Cooper scene even funnier

#thor and loki: double trouble #double trouble #loki #thor #loki show #loki spoilers #loki comics #okay hopefully these tags cover spoilers lol #i havent watched today’s episode yet but im looking forward to it lol #local dyke talking #so glad i started reading this im like three pages in and the art is soooo cute and its funny :) #(I said I was going to over a week ago but I got busy with high school graduation stuff lol)

[miyagifangkai]

Prom

request: Hello! I was wondering if you could do an imagine of reader showing up to the prom after she told everyone she wasn’t going because she heard Hawk’s there alone? Maybe a friends to lovers situation. Please and thank you! ❤️

Tagged: @wishingtobeforeveryoung1994

Word count: 3,414 so uhm.. got carried away with this one lol

Couple: Hawk x F!Reader

Warnings: Lots of fluff is fluff even a warning???, cursing, and uhm..?? I think that’s it!

A/N: thank you for this request! I had a lot of fun writing this! I hope you enjoy! (: ❤️

Ugh, prom. Nothing you loathed more.

Getting dressed up, spending a crazy amount of money on your dress, doing your hair, makeup, and acting like you are just having such a good time when you wish they’d play better music. Oh, and the slow dances? No, thank you! You don’t even wanna go there! Seeing all of the “happy” high school couples trying to grind up on each other trying not to get caught, spoiler alert, they always do. Debating on if you wanna drink the punch because the possibility of it being contaminated with a dangerous amount of liquor is a high possibility. Gosh, how you hated prom.. a total nightmare.

Prom was just a week away and everyone was starting to decorate the gym besides you. You look at the lockers and walls covered in prom posters with the theme being “Great Gatsby” how original..

You walk up to your karate friends, Hawk, Demetri, and Miguel.

“Hey, Y/N! You coming to prom?” Demetri asks and you sigh out of annoyance, “Dude you really think I’m going to prom?”

“Yeah, she has a point. I mean c’mon number one she’s single and number two she hates school functions,” Miguel explains.

“What does her being single have to do with it?” Hawks voice is tinted with anger.

“Why would you wanna go to prom without anyone, man?” Miguel looks at Hawk, “I mean seriously. What’s the point of going if you have no one to slow dance with?”

Demetri lays his hand on Hawks shoulder and says, “Miguel, lay off man”

Miguel shrugs his shoulders and looks at you, “Since my points are invalid,” he gives Hawk the side eye and continues, “What’s your reasoning then?”

“Nah, you’re right. I hate school functions.”

Miguel swings his head towards the boys and smirks, “See? Told you.”

“Whatever man” Hawk shakes his head and walks away from the group.

You watch him walk away knowing that he’s pissed. You could just tell by the way his shoulders were back and his entire body looked tense.

“Hey! You’ve got something on your face there!” Miguel says.

You reach up to feel your face to figure out where that something was, “What? Where?”

Demetri and Miguel look at each other and start laughing as Miguel says, “Oh, it’s just drool.. nothing to worry about!”

“Oh! Ha-ha aren’t you so damn funny” your voice drips with sarcasm.

Even though you can’t deny that Hawk gets a rise out of you. You’ve liked him for a very long time now and you constantly thought about him when you were away from him. He was one of your best friends so you couldn’t ruin that.

“Why don’t you just ask him out?” Demetri asks.

“Listen, I don’t like Hawk! Gross. As a friend he’s awesome but nothing more guys.”

They both look at each other with extreme doubtfulness and they both say, “mhmm sure”

The bell rings and you all gotta get to class. You’re walking down the hallway glancing at the classroom windows hopefully to catch a glance of Hawk but to no avail as you reach your science class. The entirety of class you couldn’t help but think about him. Why did he get so mad about what Miguel said? You were sure Hawk was going to prom because all of his friends were and for some odd reason he likes to be involved in things; probably the whole alpha male in him just wanting to control things.

Class ends and you walk out of class only to bump into Hawk.

“Oh shit, Y/N are you okay?”

“Haha yeah! I’m fine,” you squat down to pick up your books as Hawk squats down to get at eye level with you.

“Are you really not going to prom?”

“Nope. I just don’t really see the point, you know? I would rather just be at home,” you sigh.

Hawk gives you a disappointed look, “it sure would be fun if you came though! Hang out with us all night,” he chuckles.

“Oh yeah, watch you guys get wasted on the punch and me be the designated driver,” you and Eli stand up and start walking down the hallway.

“Oh c’mon! Don’t be such a Debbie downer,” he says almost laughing at the expression you give him.

“Why do you want me to go so bad?”

“Because I think it’ll be fun to hang out with all of my friends on prom night.”

You roll your eyes, “Eli, you’re so cheesy!” You reach out and gently slap his shoulder. His eyes widen and you can tell there’s a slight blush from where you touched him but you decided to chalk it up as hormones.

“But no, I don’t think I’m gonna go. I just.. I don’t really feel like it.”

“Okay, dude. But just in case you change your mind I’m spiking the punch with vodka.”

You shake your head and smile, “Alright, mental note made.”

“I’ll see you later, Y/N!” Hawk runs down the hallway to catch up with Demetri for lunch.

Did Hawk just blush at you? No way. He might’ve just been hot or something; well hot is a word for it. You couldn’t help but admire him in a way. He was so courageous and spontaneous. You could never be like that being too afraid of screwing something up. But another weird thing was him begging you to go to prom. Why did he want you to go so badly? That just made absolutely no sense to you. Besides, it’s a week til. Even if you wanted to go there’s no way you could find something perfect in that amount of time. Stupid.

You decide to eat outside today and enjoy the sun. You take a seat at a picnic table as you overhear a group of girls talking about the prom, you roll your eyes and almost put in your earbuds until you hear, “Oh my gosh! You haven’t heard about Hawk?” Your ears perk up.

“He doesn’t have a date to the prom yet!”

“No way! You’re kidding!”

“Apparently, no one has asked him yet—“

“No, no! I heard that he’s turning down anyone that asks him”

“Why?”

“I dunno.. I just heard that from Jen.”

You shake your head at the gossip. There’s no way he’d turn someone down as his prom date, you know him too well, at least you think. But why is he wanting to go alone? Has no one really not even asked him? I mean, even Demetri got a date! Why not Hawk? You frown at the thought of a lonely Hawk at prom.

Fuck. You can’t let him go alone… you’re gonna have to get a dress! But your fashion taste is definitely not up to par with the other girls around here. It’s time to enlist Sam!

You send her a message, “Hey, are you busy tonight?” You put down your phone and continue eating your lunch until you hear a buzz.

“No. Miguel has a ton of homework to do so I’m free. What’s up?”

You can’t believe you’re about to message this to her, but you type it out anyway, “I need you to help me find a dress for prom! But don’t tell anyone I’m coming because it’s gonna be a surprise, okay?” It wasn’t even a minute until Sam messages back, “Yay! Girls trip! We can take my car! Are you gonna surprise your loverboy Hawk?”

You roll your eyes, “Please don’t call him that but yes. See you later.”

You finish your lunch and wait for your last two classes to get over with. Time seemed to never tick away when you were excited for something. But the time finally came along and you walked to Sam’s car as you gave her a hug and hopped into the passenger seat.

“Okay, Y/N! It’s not a dress you need to worry about. You need to get your nails done, makeup done, and hair done. The works!”

You try to stop yourself from sighing but you still managed to get out a slight groan, “Sam, can we just focus on the dress for now?”

“Ugh fine. But you’re at least getting your hair and makeup done, okay?”

“Okay, Sam,” you laugh.

You all pull up to one of the best thrift stores in town and on a mission.

Sam rubs her hands together and gets this very intense look on her face, “Y/N, what’s your favorite color?”

You get nervous about your answer because what if she didn’t approve of your answer? Man, this girl is totally intimidating.

“I honestly don’t really have one. Maybe… purple?”

“Oh my gosh! You’ll look amazing in purple! Plus, it would match Hawks hair,” she wiggles her eyebrows at you causing you to roll your eyes.

You and Sam split up and start searching different racks in the store looking at different dresses and you trying them on.

With each dress Sam seemed to always disapprove of them,

“Too bulky”

“Too bright”

“Too frumpy”

“Really? Lace?”

“Too many ruffles”

It seemed like the search was never gonna end. You had to at least have tried on 20 dresses! You were starting to get overwhelmed and frustrated.

“Sam, we have to eventually pick one!”

“I know we do. We have to find the perfect dress. I mean this could be your night!” She almost starts to wiggle her eyebrows again until you point at her and say, “Please don’t do that face again”

“Oh my…”

“Oh my what?”

Sam pulls a dress off the rack that is the perfect hue of purple that you needed. The dress was long and flowy with a sweetheart neckline and jewels adorned the waistband that tied in the back. The back was a corset fit so it would fit you just right. You went straight and tried it on with the help of Sam lacing you up.

“This dress is—“

“Absolutely beautiful,” you smooth your dress down and smile, “Sam I love it.”

“Hawk is gonna freak!” Sam jumps up and down which causes you to sigh.

You decide to get the dress and set up your appointment to get your hair and makeup done.

You wake up the next Saturday ready to jump in the shower and get to your appointment. You get out, dry off, and put on your button up plaid shirt with some jeans and head out the door. You walk into the salon that’s filled with some of the other high school students waiting to get their hair done as well. You were excited but in a way you felt out of place there. They take you back to get your makeup done first. You tell the makeup artist the color of your dress and the look you’re going for. She chooses to do your makeup with neutral tones because you weren’t sure about purple eyeshadow. You decided to leave your hair in loose curls just an all around natural look.

You get back home and get your dress out nervous about putting it on. You can’t believe you’re gonna surprise Hawk like this. This is completely nerve wracking… What if he ended up with a date to the prom? Or what if he just wants to be friends? You try to stop thinking about the negatives. But you couldn’t help them circling around in your mind. Well, it’s time to put your dress on. You get your mother to help you lace it up and of course she wants to take pictures which you just smile and bear it.

Sam and Miguel show up to your place to pick you up and you quickly run out to get into the car.

“Hey guys!” You say as your dress flows in the slight breeze.

“Wow, Y/N you look amazing!” Sam claps her hands and smiles

“You’re definitely going to shock a few people that’s for sure,” Miguel shrugs his shoulders, “but like in a good way!”

You chuckle, “Thanks. You look beautiful, Sam! And you clean up nice Miguel, look at you,” you place your hands on both of their shoulders.

The rest of the ride there was mostly quiet besides Miguel and Sam making conversation while you started to get into your own head and overthink things.

You all arrived to the prom fashionably late but you didn’t care. You were too nervous and excited to care. You three got out of the car and you face Sam with a look of complete anxiety. She takes your hands in hers and she says, “It’s gonna be okay. He loves you, Y/N”

You look at her confused, “What?”

Miguel looks at Sam with wide eyes and she answers, “Uh.. nothing. Go get him, tiger!” You decided to let that go and get mentally prepared.

You take a deep breath and start to walk in. You find the gym with Miguel and Sam and you three make your entrance. The entrance to the gym was decorated with silver, gold, and black balloons with black and gold streamers. The tables had silver tablecloths laid over them with the punch table having a green tablecloth, “hm.. original”, you thought.

All of your friends greeting you all while simultaneously being surprised you actually came. You greeted them back just to be nice but you were on a mission tonight. You start scanning the gymnasium for Hawk but for some reason you can’t find him.

Miguel lightly hits your arm and you look at him, “He’s right over there. Sitting on the bleachers!”

There he was. All alone. Looking… sad. He looked like he was missing someone. Why was he all alone? Did no one honestly not ask him to the prom?

“Okay guys… here goes.”

“Whoo! Get it, girl! I’m rooting for you!” Demetri lightly shouts at you. You give him a small smile and start walking towards Hawk. You try to fight your way through the crowd and seemingly almost drunk students. Many girls saying, “I love your dress” and many boys giving you looks that you weren’t used to; but you ignored them as you powered through to get to Hawk. He seemed to be daydreaming… in total outer space because he didn’t necessarily notice you at first until you yell, “Hey, purple boy!”

Jumping from you yelling he looks at you and it felt like you two were in a movie; like you were the only ones there. Everything seemed to slow down and you looked into his eyes and his jaw began to drop at the sight of you.

“Y/N! You came!” Hawk stands up and picks you up, embracing you.

“Whoa, whoa, down boy! Watch the dress” you laugh.

“I am so happy you came! This is awesome!”, he beams at you, “you look so fucking beautiful.” Your face grows hot and if the gym wasn’t dim he would’ve seen you glow like a tomato.

“Not so bad yourself, dude.” You elbow his arm softly.

“I can’t believe you came! I mean why?”

“Because I heard a certain someone needed a date,” you smile at him.

He stops in his tracks cold and says, “Wait… because of me?”

“Yeah, it was in the rumor mill that nobody asked you and I just thought it’d be a perfect opportunity—“

“Opportunity for what?”

“For me to officially ask you this,” you grab his hand and squeeze it, “will you go to prom with me, Eli Moskowitz?”

He lets out a nervous laugh, “I mean… yeah of course! As friends, right?” Your world starts crashing down upon you. He still wanted to be friends. He didn’t want anything more and you knew it. You weren’t stupid. You just got so caught up in this fantasy… but you say fuck it! You don’t care. You need to let it out.

“No. I mean maybe something more?” Your palms start to get sweaty and pull away from his hands. He looks off in the distance behind you studying on what the right thing to say would be. He doesn’t know how to reciprocate his feelings towards you. He felt the same but… he always thought you only wanted to be friends and it was hard for him to come clean about wanting to be more this time. He could always be vulnerable with you and trust you but he didn’t know why he couldn’t just tell you that he could be possibly in love with you. You just looked so beautiful tonight. You looked like you had a glowing aura behind you and he couldn’t help but be intimidated by your light. But he takes a deep breath, “I thought you’d never ask.” In a spontaneous gesture he grabs you and kisses you. You automatically kiss him back; you two have wanted this for long and now it is finally happening. You and Hawk have finally grown a pair and got together. The kiss was filled with so much passion and want for each other but you pulled apart when you saw your friends walking up. Before they get to you Hawk quickly asks, “So, does this mean we could be boyfriend and girlfriend now?” And you just nod your head with excitement.

“Yes, of course! You mean so much to me, Eli.” Hawk couldn’t help but kiss you again… Demetri, Miguel, and Sam all walk up to you guys and whistle at you all, “Get a room!” Hawk and you both laugh.

“You know, it doesn't seem like such a bad idea.” You say jokingly and Hawk looks at you with a huge smile, “What has gotten into you, girlfriend?”

“Whoa, we’ve already gotten to the girlfriend stage?” Demetri asks.

“C’mon we’ve been friends for years! I’m sure we know each other well enough by now to be boyfriend and girlfriend.” You both look at each with love in your eyes.

You, Hawk, and your friends enjoy the rest of prom together and decide to drink some spiked punch, dance, and joke around all night. Hell, you even enjoyed the slow dances with your now boyfriend, Hawk. It felt good to have his arms around you and to have him close to you in a non-platonic way. You couldn’t believe he was now yours. Hawk is yours. And you are his. After all of these years of crushing on each other and repressing it, you two are officially together. Hawk and you decide to skip the after party at Stingray’s and go to Hawks place. You told your mom that you were gonna spend the night with Sam.

When you get back to his house you go up to his room and you both sit on his bed and you take a sigh of relief, “holy shit! What a night.”

“Yeah, I know right. I honestly can’t believe you actually like me.”

You lean back on your elbows, “Oh, like you never noticed?”

“I mean I totally noticed the way you would stare at me with sooo much love in your eyes like I was the only man for you,” he starts to crack up.

“Oh, you suck! Hilarious that you call yourself a ‘man’ that’s the real joke here!” You start laughing and Hawk joins in with you.

“Wow, you truly are the worst, aren’t you?” He leans over and pecks you on the cheek.

“C’mon on the cheek?”

“Yep. That’s all you’re getting for tonight. You’ve bruised my ego!” You laugh again and lay all the way down as Hawk joins you and you both take a minute staring at the ceiling just taking in the moment.

Hawk breaks the silence, “hey, uh, I just wanted to thank you for showing up tonight. It really meant a lot.” “Of course! Anything for you… anything for my boyfriend.” You both can’t help but smile at each other.

The rest of the night you guys decide to have a movie night with snacks and endless amounts of popcorn until you both pass out in each other’s arms.

You wake up the next morning and see Hawk still asleep and you stare at him taking in all of his features. You adored him and he adored you. You truly couldn’t believe that he was all yours.

“Like what you see?” Hawk barely opens his eyes to look at you and you kiss him good morning.

You couldn’t believe this was real. You had waited for so long.

Man, what a night. Such a wonderful night.

#cobra kai #johnny lawrence #daniel larusso #miguel diaz #eli moskowitz #demetri cobra kai #samantha larusso #hawk x reader #hawk moskowitz

[neocrush]

— the girl groups enhypen’s gfs are in !

genre: fluff (angst on jungwon’s part) + established relationship (eventually lol)

pairings: idol!enhypen x fem!idol!reader

note: idk how to title this pls i thought of it while showering

tagging: @jeminiepabo @strwberrydinosaur

you just finished performing and your members were in need of water bottles

you just finished performing and your members were in need of water bottles

you just finished performing and your members were in need of water bottles

but fucking mnet didn’t provide any inside of your dressing room??

but fucking mnet didn’t provide any inside of your dressing room??

but fucking mnet didn’t provide any inside of your dressing room??

so yves told you to ask for some from the artist in the dressing room next to yours

you knocked on the door without looking at the sign that showed who was in there

you asked for some water bottles and heeseung went “i’ll go get it!” and ran off to go get get them

jungwon just chuckled and went “hyung’s a really huge fan of your group, he kept on singing star on the way here”

you nodded at the younger one, impressed at the fact that you were popular among idols

the tall boy came back with a whole box full of water bottles

“there’s 12 of you here right now so i figured why not get a whole box” he chuckled nervously

you giggled and smiled at the nervous boy

“thank you heeseung-ssi, i’ll take this to my members” you took the box in your hands but was taken aback on how heavy it was

“don’t worry i’ll carry it for you”

long after that you started hanging out and boom you became his gf

you couldn’t resist the charms of lee heeseung

once it was revealed that you were a couple, orbits and engenes went INSANE (in a good way ofc)

“wait so y/n DOESNT hate men????”

★ jay - aespa

OMG OMG LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS BBY

you both met at school after you both debuted

everyone was gossiping around about how you were in the same class with the enhas

so like... monster rookies class

usually idols aren’t seated together but the teacher seated you and jay next to each other

causing a bunch of “oooohhhs” from your classmates

there were times were you and the enhas would leave school early due to practice or schedules

and on the way to the school gate, jay would always spark up a conversation with you

you assumed he was just very friendly

long story short he had a massive crush on you

so a few months into your friendship (which the both of you were very open about with your fans), he confesses

you were like “WAIT SO IT WASNT ONE SIDED THE WHOLE TIME”

y’all were just really blind lol pls read between the lines

anyways on to ur lovely bf !!

he’s so bold and brave around you but so shy around your members and seniors

we all know how he really respects nct (along with other sm artists) bc he covered the 7th sense with sunghoon on iland

so one day you were like “oh btw i showed taeyong sunbae you and hoon’s t7s cover”

he was like 😟 to 😧 to 😯

got all shy and was like “oh what did he say..”

you don’t know why he was acting as if he didn’t body that whole performance ????

anyway you told him that taeyong said that he and hoon did really well and that he liked how jay did his part

hid his face on the crook of your neck

“baby we should come say hi to them next time you go to sm”

“NO i will make a fool out of myself”

speaks english and japanese with giselle a lot when he isn’t occupied with you

sometimes you’d even have to ask nct’s shotaro to translate

your seniors (especially exo’s kai) adore him so so much pls protect the boy at all costs

★ jake - everglow

he was an active viewer of produce 48 and (like me) was really attached to the yuehua trainees

especially you

so when you got eliminated just before the last episode, he was devastated to say the least

he awaited your debut and when the time came he supported everglow !!!!

LOVED BON BON CHOCOLAT SO MUCH

does the killing part choreo in his room when no one’s watching lol

dies everytime you do the little “everglow” in songs

right so when he debuted in enha, he looked forward to meeting you as an idol and not a fan

when you shared a dressing room at kcontact, he couldn’t help but introduce himself to you

he mentioned he was a big fan and your heart warmed

cute boy is a fan of you? omg heart go brr brr

your members tease you and you just shake it off

that day when you got back to the dorms, you watched a bunch of enhypen videos bc you were interested in jake

you weren’t aware of how popular you were among people - let alone idols so you were surprised

you fell in love with his personality and started saying hi to him whenever you meet backstage at music shows

not long after, you develop feelings for him

you thought it was just a puppy crush but as you saw him even more, it got serious

you never actually confessed but aisha accidentally spilled the beans when he was passing by

“cmon y/n just tell him you like him because he clearly feels the same !!”

“you like me?”

“AISHA”

“that’s my queue to leave”

so she leaves you two to pour your hearts out to each other

you two become a couple and forevergenes (such a cute name omg) LOVE you two

you’re both the puppies of your group so that makes your relationship 103892x cuter

you met his parents and they adore you and even asked for your autograph

“jake used to talk about how great you are after every produce 48 episode”

“okayyyy i think that’s enough embarassing me mom”

his parents love you like their own daughter but does layla love you?

you were so nervous to meet her and was actually scared she might not like you - knowing how important layla is to jake

at first layla ignored you and jake was like “she’ll come around”

you were convinced she just doesn’t like you, until this one time you were cuddling with jake on the couch and layla comes in

you expected her to snuggle up with jake but she came to you :D

now layla is super fond of you and mrs sim would even send you pictures and videos of layla getting excited whenever you were on tv 🥺

★ sunghoon - itzy

you and the girls were at isac

the six of you were just waving at your fans and making heart signs with your hearts

on your left you saw yeji making hearts with ryujin so you wanted to do that with another member too

you felt a presence next to you and assumed it was someone from your group

spoiler alert: it wasn’t

sunghoon and sunoo were waving at engenes who just happened to be seated next to midzys

so you turned to who you thought was an itzy member, making half a heart with your hand

until you realized it wasn’t 💀

you bowed and apologized when you both looked at each other, you were scared you crossed a boundary

you bowed and apologized to the engenes who were there too

sunghoon and sunoo reassured you it was all good

after that, sunghoon couldn’t help but keep his eyes on you the entire event

when the day was coming to an end, he pulled some strings and ended up having some alone time with you ...in stray kids’ dressing room

don’t ask

ofc skz already left so it was just you two there

fast forward, you both hit it off and he became your bf <3

midzys and engenes love you both sm and love bragging about you two to other fandoms

you two were even named the king and queen of 4th gen kpop

oh also

you already know where this is going

“SUNGHOON HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW NOT SHY’S PROPER TITLE IT’S YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S SONG” - jay

brags about how he can do the shoulder dance in wannabe

ofc it’s bc you personally taught him

sends you pics of jyp as reaction pics

so you send pics of bang pdnim to him

every once in a while he reminds you of that video of jay why pee trying to hit a high note

“lmao that’s your boss”

PLS you always get super embarrassed so ofc you bring up that vid of hitman bang

“rAp dAncE-“

★ sunoo - stayc

you were his seatmate at school predebut

you came from the same town, same school, same neighborhood, etc

the two of you were extremely close and both shared the same dream

when highup entertainment accepted you, the both of you were over the moon

he was so happy for you

but sad too bc that meant you had to move to seoul :(

you promised him to do your best and that you hoped to see him again but as an idol

and hopefully when he’s an idol too

well what you hoped for came true !!

although you couldn’t see him much as a trainee - which made you quite sad - you got to follow his journey on i-land

you even asked your fellow trainees to vote for him

anyways now that you both debuted, you became close again and became really open with your fans on how close you were

you recommended his songs to swiths and he did the same to engenes

he even memorized the choreo to so bad and asap and lemme tell you this

he BEGGED you to teach him those choreos

“sunoo you can watch the practice on youtube”

“but i want to learn it from you”

he never really realized his feelings until he saw you getting shipped with his other members

you were both on weekly idol and the hosts really seemed to like how you and jake looked next to each other and they just teased you both the whole episode

that made sunoo feel uneasy and he thought it was only bc he was an overprotective best friend

turns out he had feelings for you (wow shocker)

so one day he asks you to come to hybe

after slightly getting lost, you meet up with him in a practice room

he confesses bc he felt like not telling you about his feelings would put a wall between you two

you appreciate his honesty and tell him you’ve felt the same way every since you were classmates

he scolds himself for not seeing it all those years but you just laugh it off bc you were pretty good at hiding your crush

you both agree to secretly date, until you both announce it on your five month anniversary

fans were really shocked at first... but they support you !!!!

engenes will not hesitate to come at anyone who talks bad about you and swiths feels the same way about jungwon

he gushes about you every single time you’re brought up

and you can’t help but love your adorable boyfriend

★ jungwon - iz*one

okay so

he was just an average high schooler when you were introduced on produce 48

his deskmate was watching your audition video and it was the part where you were doing this freestyle

he was SO amazed and he secretly followed your journey on produce 48

always made sure to vote on time and watch the episodes live

once the debut evaluation came around, he asked everyone he knew to vote for you and even bought tickets to see the show live

almost cried when he saw that you were center

ACTUALLY CRIED when you got into the top 13 😭

fast forward to him debuting in enha

he wasn’t able to catch up on you since he was busy with trainee life, then i-land, then debut preparations

but somehow in the middle of promotions he ran into you and BOOM love at first sight

fast forward to you finally dating, he couldn’t believe he was dating the y/n of iz*one

wizones make those “ladies and gentlemen, y/n’s man” edits and engenes make those “ladies and gentlemen, jungwon’s woman” edits

both fandoms love you two so dearly that the only hate you two got were from the delusional ones (who clearly aren’t actual fans)

when your last concert came around, he couldn’t bare seeing you cry when you said “this has been iz*one’s y/n, thank you everyone!”

he got flashbacks from when you cried during the final episode of produce 48 and he’s just.. sobbing bc he couldn’t be there to hold you

so the next day he rushed to your dorms with snacks and emotional support bc you were emotionally exhausted from accepting the fact that your journey with iz*one is finally ending

you felt extremely lucky to be in his arms and he felt extremely lucky too that he’s able to make you feel a little better

★ riki - weeekly

you were both on weekly weeekly idol together

and both you and riki being main dancers, you were asked to do random dance together

a few popular songs played and the both of you did the choreos

until after school started playing and the boy did the chorus’ choreo and you were like “woah???”

bc he was so INTO ITTTT

the song was basically made for him to cover it

and the mcs saw your reaction so they asked him to do it once again but this time with the whole group

after filming, he came up to you and was like “i’m a huge fan of yours” and you’re just like ):&/£]>\**_£]

“woah really???? i rooted for you on i-land”

and his face just lights up bc his huge crush on you developed even more

you became besties since then but he didn’t ask you out until your birthday

he took you out to a puppy café, knowing you were obsessed with dogs

you’d ask him to show you pictures and videos of bisco

“i better meet bisco once we go to japan together”

melted at the thought of traveling to his hometown with you

anyways

once you left the café, he kissed you in front of your dorms

and somehow he became your boyfriend <3

riki as a bf isn’t really a very public person

he’s the “this is our relationship, not the public’s” type of person

he doesn’t wanna risk companies wanting to exploit your relationship

although he doesn’t talk about you two much, he loves to brag about you when given the chance

whenever variety show hosts would fawn over you he’d just look them in the eyes dead and go “she’s mine”

#enhypen x y/n #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen reactions #enhypen headcanons #enhypen angst #enhypen x female reader #enhypen x you #heeseung x reader #jay x reader #jake x reader #sunghoon x reader #sunoo x reader #jungwon x reader #ni ki x reader #heeseung imagines #jay imagines #jake imagines #sunghoon imagines #sunoo imagines #jungwon imagines #ni ki imagines

[notepadsandtealeaves]

Team Karasuno in: Snow Day? Snow Day!!

Winter Wonderland Series

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT || 18+ ONLY ||

|| ao3 version | series m.list ((pending)) | hq tag | main blog ||

↠ Requested By: The spirit of the season?? Idk man lol… ↠ Reader Gender: Neutral ↠ Content Type: SFW winter-funtimes fluff ((but my blog’s 18+, so if minors want to consume my sfw stuff while still respecting my wishes of them staying out of this space, they can head over to my AO3)) ↠ Chronology: Post time skip ↠ CWs: None ↠ Betas? Nah, we don’t do that here. ↠ Total WC: 1.7k~

This is just a lil something I wanted to do for the holidays. It’s nothing major, just some short(ish, because lbr, this is me we’re talking about here lmao) HCs about our volleybae’s seasonal/holiday habits. Speaking of which—this isn’t Christmas-specific, so no worries if that’s not your holiday of choice.

I’ll be doing this for all of the major teams, which means things may get a bit repetitive, but I’ve done my best to (hopefully) avoid that.

But anyways! I’ve gone on long enough. I’ll leave you to read (and hopefully) enjoy…

|| A Snow Day, You Say??

❄ Note: The sections that have their name in bold font are what I imagine to be their default setting.

❄ 2 Hyped Crew

Lives for snow days, absolutely cannot wait for them. Probably knew this was coming even before the meteorologist and has been planning accordingly lol. Definitely May or may not have taken the day off for this. Has all the fixings ready to go—from cold weather gear to warm drinks and things you probably never knew you needed but totally do, they’ve got you covered.

Asahi A. | C. Ennoshita ((dude’s always had his shit together, tbh)) | Daichi S. | H. Yachi ((between her fear of potentially losing an extremity to frostbite and her natural love of planning this isn’t exactly surprising)) | I. Takeda ((definitely a planner, it’s the teacher in him lol)) | K. Narita ((out of all the people listed here he’s probably the most chill about it lol)) | K. Sugawara ((ngl, he’s the kind that’ll wake you up at some ungodly because he’s just that hyped)) | Kiyoko S. | S. Hinata | Saeko T. ((not so much on the preparedness tip, but her enthusiasm for snow days is unmatched)) | T. Yamaguchi ((he absolutely LOVES the snow, so much so that he’d been tracking the cold front for damn near a week before it landed lmao)) | Y. Nishinoya

❄ It Snowing??

Somehow wasn’t aware that it was going to snow at all, despite the season… and the forecast… and your excited babbles beforehand. Still, they’re more than willing to get out there with you and enjoy the day.

Daichi S. ((look, being a cop is tiring/hard, okay, so sometimes stuff slips his notice)) | H. Kinoshita ((not oblivious as much as he’s just indifferent to it all lol)) | K. Sugawara ((tho he has no idea how he managed to be so oblivious to this when he teaches small children)) | K. Ukai ((I’m sorry, but this man can be unobservant af lol)) | R. Tanaka | T. Kageyama ((I love Kags, I swear I do, but he just gives me Wii Store Music vibes lmao; honey doesn’t know what’s going on like 67% of the time))

❄ Yeah, but Snow’s Gross Tho :/

Did not know and-or does not care that today’s a snow day. They’re not overly fond of colder temperatures in general so adding snow to the mix is… not ideal to say the least. Still, they love the hell out of you, and said love will see them braving the elements—just don’t expect them to like it. ((spoiler: they end up enjoying it more than either of you expected if for no other reason than they like spending time with you.))

K. Tsukishima ((stubborn as all hell, will not bend on this… well until you give him The Eyes™, anyway)) | R. Tanaka ((don’t ask me why, but he just gives me the vibe that he doesn’t like being too cold; won’t bitch about it tho because that’s not ~manly~)) | T. Kageyama ((absolutely hates the way the cold effects his fingers, i.e. the stiffness; he’ll do everything in his power to try and convince you to stay inside with him lol))

|| Playing Outside Gives You So Much More Room for Activities

❄ A Battle for the (Ice) Ages

They have only two words for you:

Snowball War.

And they do mean war, btw. This isn’t just some happy-funtimes tossing of snowballs. They want to absolutely pulverize the opposition, so you had better hope that you end up on their team for your own sake lmao. Goes all the way in, naturally. Builds a fort, makes a stockpile of snowballs (regulation, per your demands), and pulls everyone in the neighborhood—hell even those outside of it, if they can manage it—into the madness. Definitely calls up all of your friends to join in the fun as well.

Daichi S. ((definitely Pied Piper’s the neighborhood kids into this mess we don’t call him ‘Dadchi’ for nothing lol, tho he goes a bit easy on them, naturally)) | H. Kinoshita ((generally he is calm and collected, but he's also a part of this team so…)) | I. Takeda ((potentially a semi-hot take, but look me in the eye and tell me that this man doesn’t have a feral streak, I dare you)) | K. Sugawara | K. Tsukishima ((but like only if he’s feeling extra salty lol)) | K. Ukai ((if he’s feeling saucy/isn’t too tired from work)) | T. Kageyama ((will blast a kid in the face with a snowball with absolutely no remorse)) | S. Hinata ((he’s the one that hits Kags in retaliation for blasting said kid, a fistfight ensues, Sho wins but only because the kid helps him lmao)) | Saeko T. ((ngl, she’s here purely to cause discord lmao; will also team up with her little bro and Noya to wreck shop)) | Y. Nishinoya ((this cute lil ball of energy has absolutely NO chill…)) | R. Tanaka ((a bit more chill about it than Noya, but that’s not saying much lol; he’s still gonna do some damage))

❄ The Chill Ones™

These folks have a bit more chill about things. They aren’t opposed to a good snowball fight, but they’re not going to go to the same extremes as the others. They’re pretty much down to do whatever, tbh. You want to make snow angels? Cool, leggo. Perhaps you’d rather sit back and watch the snowfall, maybe even catch a few of the frozen flakes on your tongue? They’re all about it. Hell, even if you wanted to attempt to make a sentient snowman via some dark arts type ish, they are 100% down. They’re here for it/you.

Asahi. A ((he definitely uses the cold as an excuse to keep you close)) | C. Ennoshita | Daichi S. | H. Kinoshita | H. Yachi ((tho she’d admittedly rather have a plan in place, she’s noticed that since meeting you her anxieties aren’t nearly so bad as they once were)) | K. Narita ((this dude’s vibes are immaculate, tbh, we love to see it)) | K. Ukai ((we’ve all seen how chill this dude can be, he has that ish down to a science, truly, so it is hardly surprising that this is his default state)) | K. Sugawara ((doesn’t really care what you get into, tbh, he just wants to spend some time with his baby)) | Kiyoko S. | S. Hinata ((once you let him burn off a good chunk of his energy he’s surprisingly chill)) | T. Yamaguchi

❄ Hates the Cold, Loves You

These are the people that would much rather be enjoying the snow from behind the warm comfort of a window, and yet somehow you managed to get them outside anyways. Much like the abovementioned group, they’re here for you, ultimately, so whatever it is you want to do is what’s being done. May or may not gripe a bit—it really just depends on how cold they are lol—but not to the point where they make you feel guilty. After all it was their decision to accompany you, and if you’re just going to make a day of it, it may as well be a good one, yanno?

((Side note: pls be kind and periodically take them in to warm up/grab a snack, and don’t keep them out too long. In some cases there’s a v. good reason why they’re not overly fond of cold weather, and it’s due in large part to how it affects them physically.))

K. Tsukishima ((he’s gonna bitch for the first little bit, but as he starts to loosen up you’ll notice that his bids to go back inside disappear altogether; don’t comment on it tho, or he’ll start back up just to mess with you lol)) | R. Tanaka | T. Kageyama

❄ That Good Rom-Com Experience

This lot totally wants that Hallmark rom-com experience. Expect to run through all of the classic tropes—from those cute/sweet lil nose nuzzling kisses to holding hands while you lazily drift around the rink to legit frolicking through the snow, you’re gonna do it all.

Definitely takes a grip of pictures/vids for the Gram, complete with sweet lil captions; they are absolutely gonna rub your cuteness in the internet’s collective face with a slew of Couple’s Goals-esque posts lol.

Asahi A. ((he’s gonna want to hit up some fun outdoor events, esp. ones showcasing ice art and the like, and the resulting pics will be *chef’s kiss*)) | C. Ennoshita ((he is so damn sweet about the whole thing; he’s not super into social media, but he won’t mind if you wanna put up the pics on your accounts)) | H. Yachi ((this girl is hella soft for you; she can be a bit camera shy so majority of your pics involve her burying her face against you ;n;)) | I. Takeda ((this is probably the more standard experience with him; dude gives me those good storybook romance vibes and I am SO here for it)) | K. Narita | K. Sugawara | K. Tsukishima ((he hate’s social media with a weirdly intense passion—well aside from Twitter b/c he loves that particular brand of drama lol—but will still insist that you post about your date on your accounts)) | Kiyoko S. ((what can she say—you make her soft 💖, tho like Ennoshita she’s not too big on social media in general)) | R. Tanaka ((will push past his disdain for the snow to Do It For You; seeing your smile makes the small bit of discomfort more than worth it)) | S. Hinata | Saeko T. ((she absolutely loves showing her baby off, so expect to take a grip of pictures; her favorites always get printed out and pinned to the memory board that she keeps over her bed—bless ;n;)) | T. Kageyama ((lbr, this man’s socials are like 60% volleyball stuff, 40% you)) | T. Yamaguchi ((this precious bby stay droppin’ cute couple pics on all his socials)) | Y. Nishinoya ((what he lacks in chill, he makes up for in, well being really fucking cute lol; so many pics, many of them blurred because he’s usually in the middle of kissing you/pinching your cheek/backflipping over a snowman))

No matter your chosen beau or belle, or how the day plays out, it’ll always end the same: the pair of you curled up together under a blanket, warm drinks in hand to chase away the chill from your bones, and a smile on your lips and you bask in the afterglow of a snow day well spent.

Taglist ((open to 18+ users only)): @screamin-abt-haikyuu​ | @scarlettriot​ ((if you guys wanna be removed and-or just get tags for certain teams let me know!))

© notepadsandtealeaves, 2021 || Please do not repost, translate, or otherwise alter or distribute my works without my express permission. And for the love of god keep it away from Youtube and TikTok lol…

#((Immy does fan fiction: The Volleybaes)) #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons #asahi azumane x reader #asahi azumane x gender neutral reader #daichi x reader #daichi x gender neutral reader #sugawara x reader #sugawara x gender neutral reader #hinata x reader #hinata x gender neutral reader #kageyama x reader #kageyama x gender neutral reader #noya x reader #noya x gender neutral reader #tanaka x reader #tanaka x gender neutral reader #kiyoko x reader #kiyoko x gender neutral reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x gender neutral reader #yamaguchi x reader #yamaguchi x gender neutral reader #keishin ukai x reader #keishin ukai x gender neutral reader #takeda x reader #ennoshita x reader #narita x reader #kinoshita x reader

[amphibious-entity]

TMBS Book 1 Brain Dump

~An Embarrassingly Long Post~

I don’t know why I’m writing this or why I’m so determined to do it. Maybe to finally assume my true form and become a mega dork on main, or maybe just for fun!

This is basically a compilation of all the main points running through my head after reading The Mysterious Benedict Society (2007) for the first time. Rather than posting a ton and spamming the tag, everything’s here in one neat package! (hopefully this gets it all out of my system rip)

Contents:

The Book Itself

The Book Itself, for real this time

The Characters

A Funny Parallel

The S.Q. Section

Lines & Scenes I Liked

Spoilers abound!

The Book Itself

Upon acquiring the first three books (don’t judge me pls), I was surprised at just how long they are. Like, they’re still pretty light being paperbacks and all, but these books are hefty lads.

The first book has this Disney+ Original Series circle thing printed on it, which is kind of unfortunate. Regardless, I love the cover illustration and yellow is actually my favorite color :D It made me weirdly quite happy whenever I saw the book lying around in my room

Also, it’s really cute how there’s a letter from Mr. Benedict at the end! (It only reveals that you can find out his first name if you “know the code”, meaning the bit of Morse printed below the summary on the back.) Shock and horror, though, as I realized I’m starting to recognize some of the letters

The Book Itself, for real this time

It’s wonderful how the tone of the book really shone through to the show adaptation. Something about the deliberateness of the aesthetic, from the set designs to the fashion to scene compositions, that really sells that particular style— like it’s very clear that this story is being told to us, rather than one we’re seeing unfold, if that makes sense.

Where that narration style stood out to me the most was the first chapter. We are told (rather than shown) how Reynie gets himself to the point of the second test, and there’s this whole twisty time maneuver for that whole sequence of events that’s really interesting

A super secret fun fact about me is that I wanted to be a writer when I was younger! So this particular balance of show vs. tell is really neat, since it runs counter to my own tendencies. The sheer amount of commas in every sentence is also kind of comforting, since Ahah, I Do That in those few serious-ish attempts at writing lol

Overall this book’s style reminds me a lot of Roald Dahl’s books, which are very nostalgic for me :D The whole “kids are more competent than adults” angle helps a lot too haha

The Characters

Oh boy here’s where I get a little bit critical! Overall I did really like this book!! it’s just that that expresses itself in all this weird “”analysis”” lol

Reynie - much better in the books than in the show

It’s sort of a lukewarm take but I feel like show!Reynie is kind of boring? He doesn’t have a lot going on flaw-wise, and obviously since he’s the protagonist he can’t have too many weird traits or else the kids watching can’t project themselves onto him as easily

(I call it the difference between an aspirational protagonist and a vessel protagonist. Going off of the Roald Dahl vibes, think Matilda vs Charlie. show!Reynie is more of a Charlie)

Thus when we get to see him really struggle with the Whisperer and doubt himself it gives him a lot more dimension, at least in my opinion

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

Sticky - my son

I’ve long held to no one besides myself and my long suffering sister that Sticky is The Best Member of the Society

He happened to hit a lot of the Bingo squares of Stuff I Like In Characters: glasses, anxious, nice :), kind of a coward but ultimately is there for his friends, etc

For some reason I don’t talk about him nearly as much as you-know-who, but I love him just as dearly

Kate & Constance - I don’t have much to say

Kate is really interesting in this book! I like how we get to see more of her depths, in particular that one passage about her belief that she is invincible being the only thing that keeps her from falling apart? :c

Also her constant fidgeting is relatable lol

Constance is somehow a lot more tolerable in the book. I think I’m just one of those people with no patience for small children, unfortunately lol

(Some of) The Adults

It’s interesting that they had such an offscreen presence for most of the book. Giving them more time was probably one of the stronger changes of the show

However if that decision was made at the expense of the white knight scenes I think the choice should have been clear

I like the way Rhonda and Number Two are written

Milligan always on sad boy hours 😔✊

The “mill again” passage is touching but kind of messes up the pacing of the getaway, at least for me. Maybe I should read it again to make sure I didn’t miss something

Miss Perumal is much better in the show. We see so little of her in the book she doesn’t function well as an emotional anchor for Reynie, imo

The Institute Gang

Jackson and Jillson serve their purpose well, and Martina was surprising to say the least. I like the direction they took her in the show! I can’t imagine how funny it must have been to watch the tetherball subplot come out of nowhere lolol

These sections were written out of sequence, so random tidbit I couldn’t fit in The S.Q. Section: I like how he stumbles over his words. relatable

Mr. Curtain

While I think I know why they decided to not give Curtain the wheelchair in the show, we were totally robbed of Actor Tony Hale’s performance for the reveal during the final confrontation

Speaking of the wheelchair, it’s such a powerful symbol of his need for control or rather, his fear of losing it

The Contrast between him and Mr. Benedict. This point is expanded on in A Funny Parallel

Mr. Benedict

Oh boy, Mr. Benedict… How do I say this

I find it hard to trust Mr. Benedict, unfortunately

I mean to say, I do in the sense that I know he would never hurt the kids, thanks to knowing that a) this is a children’s book series and b) the meta (tumblr) states that he is really nice and lovable and stuff, but seriously. Why do the kids trust him at first?? I probably missed something somewhere

I like to think I’m an optimistic person, but unfortunately I’m also super paranoid. The premise of “a bunch of vulnerable orphans team up with a strange old man” is just so odd to me I don’t know how to explain it

I don’t know!!! I really want to trust Mr. Benedict

One of the strengths of the show is that we get to see him more often, and thus he gets to acknowledge more often that the plan is weird and that he feels really badly for putting the kids in danger and that he’s trustworthy and genuine

But his lack of presence for most of the book just makes him into something of a specter, invisible and unknowable, speaking only in riddles from across the bay

Which is why the white knight scene is so important!! I loved that scene ;-;

Because here’s an actual emotional connection! We can actually see it happening, rather than only being told that it exists

Reynie asking for advice and receiving encouragement, in words that demonstrate that Mr. Benedict actually cares about him and worries about him and agghh

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

But overall this whole issue didn’t ruin my enjoyment of the book at all! It’s just ->

A Funny Parallel

Okay, ready for my biggest brain, hottest take ever??

Mr. Benedict and Mr. Curtain…. are… the same

I mean obviously not entirely, given that one is benevolent and kind and the other is… Mr. Curtain

But seriously. Genius old man seeks out children (mainly orphans) to enact a plan. Said children often end up incredibly devoted to his cause and deeply admire him this is a little flimsy

Undoubtedly that’s intentional and is supposed to show the difference between them, like some kind of cautionary tale? “Let yourself be vulnerable and let others help you, lest you turn eeeeviiillll”

I guess that’s where the aforementioned epic contrast comes in. You get Mr. Curtain, strapped into his wheelchair and hiding behind those mirrored sunglasses, terrified (but unwilling to admit it) of ever showing the tiniest hint of vulnerability, vs. Mr. Benedict, who can let himself fall knowing that someone will catch him :’)

Anyhow I have nothing against the parallels, I just think it’s funny

The S.Q. Section

The S.Q. Quarantine Thread so it doesn’t leak out everywhere else <3

I’d like to meet the emo angstlord genius who read this book and decided to make SQ into Dr. Curtain’s son. What in the world

Okay I should probably preface this by saying that I absolutely adore both book!S.Q. and show!SQ with all my heart. Somehow, despite being a completely different character in both mediums, he has managed to be one of the best characters in either and certainly one of my favorites (besides Sticky of course) in the entire franchise, despite the fact that I’ve only read the first book/watched the show so far. I am confident in this statement.

But seriously! How?? Why?? I could probably write a whole other essay about why show!SQ is such an interesting character, and the change works so incredibly well. I’m just. Baffled

Okay, focus. book!S.Q. is such a sweetheart, oh my goodness. Like, 100% one of the most endearing characters in the book. Poor guy. I don’t even know where to start!!

He just seems to be a genuinely good guy at heart, despite being technically one of the bad guys. He’s genuinely happy for Reynie and Sticky when they became Messengers and helped Kate when she “fell” and was concerned about Constance when she looked sick and how he was in that meeting with Mr. Curtain and Martina?!!? aaahhhhghgh ;-; he just wants people to be happy TT-TT

Comparing him against literally every character at the Institute is probably what makes him so endearing tbh. When everyone else is so awful to the kids, it really makes him stand out. Like a cheerful little nightlight in the worst, most humid and rank bathroom you’ve ever been in

It’s kind of pointless to theorize about a book series that’s already concluded (I think?) but. Is the implication of S.Q.’s forgetfulness supposed to be that Mr. Curtain used him in brainsweeping experiments somehow? The timeline probably definitely absolutely doesn’t line up but like. How did he get to being a Messenger being the way he is now, given how cutthroat the process is? And then of course Mr. Curtain keeps him around as an Executive because he’s fun to mess with and presumably his loyalty. I’m very curious as to how their relationship develops in the other books, if at all. Those are probably where the seeds of the “let’s make them family” logic were planted

But wouldn’t it be hilarious if the reason we don’t know what “S.Q.” stands for in the books is that he just. Forgot

Another thing that occurred to me. Given that he and the other Executives were Messengers at some point, what were their worst fears? What is S.Q.’s worst fear?? Inquiring minds need to know

One last horrible little anecdote: I was thinking about book!S.Q. while eating breakfast, as one does, and suddenly it hit me.

I want to believe The Author Trenton Lee Stewart had the name for a character, S.Q. Pedalian, and was like, “Hm! What sort of quirky trait should this young fellow have?” Because, of course, in this style of fiction every character has to have at least one cartoonish or otherwise distinguishing trait to stand out in the minds of children. (For instance, Kate has her bucket, Sticky has his glasses, Constance is angry, and Reynie is Emmett from the Lego Movie)

Anyhow, he looks around the room, searching for inspiration. Suddenly he comes across a jumbo box of plastic wrap. Completely innocuous in design, save for one line of text. 300 SQ FT.

“…large… S.Q. …feet? THAT’S IT!” i’m sorry

Lines & Scenes I Liked

In no particular order!

Sticky quotes Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Evil combination aerobics/square dancing in the gym with the Executives

Everyone being happy at the end :’)

Everyone partying after Sticky reunites with his parents, and later finding Mr. Benedict asleep at his desk from the moment they shook hands :’’)

Literally any scene with Sticky in it

Any time Kate says “you boys” or “gosh”

[“Um, sir?” S.Q. said timidly, raising his hand. “A thought just occurred to me.” / Mr. Curtain raised his eyebrows. “That’s remarkable, S.Q. What is it?”] clown prince of my heart </3

S.Q.’s determined monologue about searching for clues after he bungled up the first time

Literally any scene with S.Q. in it (please refer to The S.Q. Section)

Reynie trying to resist the Whisperer.

[Let us begin. / First let me polish my spectacles, Reynie thought. / Let us begin. / Not without my bucket, Reynie insisted. He heard Mr. Curtain muttering behind him. / Let us begin, let us begin, let us begin. / Rules and schools are tools for fools, Reynie thought.]

NO MORE HURTIN’ WITH CURTAIN

Milligan showing up on the island!!

Remember the white knight hhhhhh

“controle”

A Super Secret Bonus Section

I would be extremely surprised if anyone read through all the way down here lol. Regardless, here’s a little acknowledgements section :D not tagging anyone since I don’t want to bother all of these people

Special shoutout to tumblr blog stonetowns for unknowingly yet singlehandedly demolishing my reluctance to read the books by posting a ton of cute quotes. Thank you for your service o7

Thanks to the two OGs that liked the post I made right before this one, for being my unwitting enablers and for sticking around despite being a) technically an internet stranger (hello!) and b) someone I haven’t spoken to irl in literal years (hey!!)

Last but not least thankz 2 my sister for putting up with me ranting about the book when I first got it and for asking about “CQ” sometimes lol. (i desperately hope you’re not reading this orz)

#the mysterious benedict society #this took me like three days to finish rip #it’s worked though! i feel less of a Mighty Need to think about this stuff constantly now #however!!! today through some conniving i have gotten the Second Book #now I’m at 3 out of 4 infinity stones. muahahaha #was going to include my villain origin story about why i like show!SQ so much but cut it for being too long and irrelevant. however #if the words jeff naomi and Sweet Dreams are Made of These mean anything to you please hit me up. it’s kind of a funny story

[peterstanslizzie]

Reacting To: Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (Season 2 Episode 1)

Episode Title: Paw of the Jaguar

Spoiler Warning: Kindly proceed if you’ve already seen the episode or are able to tolerate spoilers.

1. Naturally, Season 2 picks up where things left off at the end of the first season; Kipo manages to avoid being captured by Scarlemagne by reining in (or still trying to) the Mega Flamingo that grabbed her. Wolf says that the flamingo is their best bet and so, she, Kipo, Dave, Benson and Mandu hop on it in the hopes of it leading them to Scarlemagne and Lio Oak, Kipo’s dad. 

2. Back at Scarlemagne’s Court, we find the captured denizens/humans including Lio and Hoag, whom are all apparently separated from the kids of the burrow for some reason. Hoag is blaming Kipo for their kidnapping, which I have to be honest; He is right. She did unknowingly lead Scarlemagne to Site B. One of the mind-controlled mutes starts spraying the Puppet Pheromones on the humans, which includes Hoag. But Scarlemagne/Hugo doesn’t want Lio to get sprayed with the pheromones. 

3. I have a prediction. I bet Lio and Scarlemagne used to be friends or co-workers and I’m pretty sure they had something to do with Kipo being part mute. 

4. Before taking off, our heroes are spotted by Troy, Asher and Dahlia and they are wondering what’s up with Kipo’s arm to which she tells them she’s part mute. Troy wants to tag along to help out but Kipo says that it’s too dangerous and suggests that Wolf and Benson take them to the Timbercats while she and Dave go after Scarlemagne. Despite some push-back from Wolf, her plan is more or less agreed upon. I think not bringing Wolf along isn’t a very good idea since she’s the best fighter. Also, he has an entire army; What makes her think that only her and Dave could take them on?

5. As she makes her way over to Scarlemagne’s Court, she is making sure to leave some remnants of Dave’s exoskeleton to allow the others to know where they’re going. Suddenly, the mind-controlled Mega Monkey attacks them. Kipo tries to calm it down by singing the iconic song, ‘What We Have Is You’ again but it doesn’t seem to be working as well as before. Maybe she needs to play the guitar lol.

6. The Mega Monkey grabs Kipo and she tries singing to it one more time and thankfully, she manages to calm it down but for only a few seconds before the pheromone-infused collar it’s wearing starts to activate. Luckily, Kipo swiftly uses her huge cat arm to destroy it, freeing Mega Monkey from Scarlemagne’s control. Aww, I’m so glad because I can’t bear to see it being controlled any longer. 

7. Kipo seems to understand what the Mega Monkey is saying because it tells her that it wants to come along with Kipo to stop Scarlemagne. Kipo does the right thing and convinces it to stay put because she doesn’t want it to get mind-controlled again. I agree with Dave; This moment was so cute and touching but I’m sure we will see Mega Monkey again. Plus, Kipo gave it her bracelet/wristband as a symbol of friendship. That’s so sweet. 

8. Kipo tells Dave that the Mega Monkey is “special”. I’m now actually wondering if it’s somebody Kipo knows or has met before. Maybe it’s her mom, Song? But didn’t she die when Kipo was a baby or something? Hmm...

9. Meanwhile, I don’t really know what Wolf and Benson are trying to do with Troy, Asher and Dahlia. They want the three of them to learn how to wrangle Pierre in order to gain the respect of the Timbercats. They cover Asher and Dahlia’s faces with maple syrup to lure in Pierre, which catches its attention and it charges right at them. Troy tries to defend them but Benson pushes him out of the way and we get this moment:

10. STOP THE PRESS! Did y’all see this? They blushed! Not just one of them but both of them! OMG! This is lowkey confirmation that Troy is gay too. Well, we all suspected it but c’mon this blush pretty much confirms it. Plus, the little pessimist within me is fearful of one-sided crushes. But luckily, we didn’t get any of that; YASSS! 

11. Anyways, back to the story hehe. Pierre starts licking Asher and Dahlia’s maple-syrup covered faces, which makes Benson and Wolf think that they’re doing a good job. Anyways, I love how Wolf doesn’t know how to fist-bump. I guess it’s because she was raised by wolves lol. 

12. It’s already night time and Kipo and Dave have finally reached Scarlemagne’s Court but it’s strangely empty. We then quickly shift over to a shot of Scarlemagne and his army flying over (or is it to?) Ratland. 

13. Oh, great. More lessons on how to impress the Timbercats in order to let Asher, Dahlia and Troy stay with them; Is this really necessary? Don’t they have better things to do during a time of crisis? This time, they want them to learn how to properly chop wood. They do a decent job with it but Dahlia (I think?) unexpectedly goes ham on the wood and according to Asher, it’s because it has been a long day for her. 

14. Kipo eventually spots her dad inside a prison cell that is guarded by two of the primate mutes and she rushes in to attack. One of them sprays the pheromones on her but it doesn’t seem to do a thing. I wonder why? She then beats them and frees her dad. 

15. More Troy and Benson moments! We basically see them talking some more and Benson comes up with an idea to have them give flapjacks to the Timbercats. He also says that he has the best recipe in the world to which Troy asks if it includes flour, milk and eggs and Benson replies yes. Don’t they know that those are the basics? LOL. 

16. But please, go ahead and be your cute gay selves while you guys flirt and bond over flapjacks. And it’s pretty clear that Wolf, Asher and Dahlia can sense their chemistry. 

17. We shift things over to Ratland and all of its patrons are freaking out whilst rushing to exit the theme park since Scarlemagne has arrived, without an entrance ticket for that matter. Scarlemagne reveals to Amy and Brad (two of Ratland’s personnel) that he plans to take over Las Vistas and rename it as Aurum. He envisions Aurum to be a city where mutes will reign supreme over humans. He then proceeds to order his army to dismantle Ratland, which upsets Amy and Brad. Aww, I feel so bad for them!

18. Benson, Wolf, Mandu as well as their new friends arrive at the Timbercats’ forest and they try to return Pierre back to Yumyan. Yumyan notices that Pierre is acting differently because he seems to be attached to Asher. Benson and Wolf try to convince Yumyan and the rest of the Timbercats to let them stay with them by telling them their story about losing their home and etc. And guess what? It’s working because Yumyan is in tears as he is overcome with emotion knowing how brave they’re being despite the hardships. Umm, okay???  And so, they manage to quickly win over all of them. Well, it’s mostly because they’re friends of Kipo but a win is still a win lol. 

19. As Wolf and Benson are getting ready to go back to help out Kipo and Dave, Troy walks over to Benson to thank him. They then talk about what they plan to do once they hopefully reunite again; They’re basically setting up a date! And oh, before leaving, Troy gives him one of these:

20. Oh. My. God. A kiss, a gay kiss on the cheek! And it’s only the first episode? I’m screaming! I love these two; I ship these two! YASSS! I hope they meet up again soon because I need more Troyson moments. And Benson is obviously so happy about what just happened. Same here, Benson. Same here. 

21. Now back to Kipo, Dave and Lio. Lio reveals to Kipo that he and Song had infused Kipo’s DNA with a mutagen in order for her to become a Mega Jaguar herself. And that is why Scarlemagne’s pheromones didn’t work on her because they only work on primates. What a revelation lol. I was kinda right; I knew that Lio had something to do with his daughter’s transformation. But why would he and Song want to experiment on their own daughter, even if it’s to save the world or whatever? That’s kind of....I don’t know, off? 

22. Just as I was half-expecting for Kipo to get mad at her dad, she reacts in the complete opposite way and is excited about becoming a Mega Jaguar and wants it to happen now to get everyone to safety. 

23. I have questions lol. If she becomes a Mega Jaguar, will it be permanent and she can she ever turn back to her normal human form? Or maybe switch between the two forms? Lio says that she needs to train with the Chevre Sisters (who we’ve never heard till now) in order to control her transformation or else she’ll never come back. What does that mean when he says “never come back”? Like is she supposed to learn how to switch between her human form and her Jaguar form?

24. They notice that the flamingo that flew them there is being taken away by the primate mutes and Kipo foolishly rushes to attack them to retrieve the Mega Flamingo. She is stopped by Lio but it’s too late because one of them manages to grab hold of Lio whilst trying to escape with the help of Dave who has now transformed into his flying hero mode. Kipo tries to fight back to rescue her father but there’s too many of them. Lio urges Dave to fly Kipo out to safety and the scene cuts off. 

25. Back at Ratland, Amy and Brad are devastated at the destruction of Ratland by Scarlemagne and his army. He then grabs hold of two humans and sprays them with his pheromones. Here, we also find out more about Scarlemagne’s evil intentions, which is similar to how Planet of the Apes is and that is to overcome their oppression by humans for thousands of years and basically topple over them. 

26. Please don’t kill the rats, please don’t. Scarlemagne wants to make an example out of Brad and Amy as he threatens to launch a bottle of explosive nectar at them. He advises them to run but unfortunately, the scene then cuts off. Oh how I hope they survived!

27. Back in the woods, Benson, Wolf and Mandu bump into Kipo and Dave. Kipo then tells them what happened and she totally regrets not thinking things through, which led to her unsuccessful rescue attempt of her dad. She feels like her instincts have betrayed her. Wolf and Benson try to console her by telling her all the good things she did in the past to which there’s a lot of them. 

28. That immediately makes Kipo feel a lot better and we then get a nice group hug between all of them. But the love-fest ended quickly because they hear a loud rumbling in the background, which of course, as we know, it’s coming from Ratland. Again, I hope Amy and Brad are alright. Scarlemagne and his primate mute and human army are seeing flying away from the area, taking some of the wreckage from there. 

29. We then see in the distance, a group of cloaked individuals looking at the result of the explosion. I wonder if they are mutes or humans? I can’t tell. One of them does appear to have a beak and two of them have really long ears. Although, their legs looks very human-like. Maybe they’re part-mutes like Kipo? But what we do know is that they’re against Scarlemagne, which is good news. 

30. Thinking back, I suspect that they’re the Chevre Sisters, Lio was talking about to Kipo. And it would make perfect sense if they’re part-mutes too because they’re supposedly going help Kipo to learn how to control her transformation.

31.  Well y’all. That is the end of my review of episode 1 of Season 2 of Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts. This episode absolutely exceeded my expectations; It was filled with so much excitement, action and of course, love. Stay tuned tomorrow for my review of episode 2. Thanks for reading! Till then, bye!

#dreamworks kipo #kipo netflix #kipo and the age of wonderbeasts #dreamworks animation #kipo dreamworks #kipo benson #kipo wolf #kipo mandu #troy and benson #troyson #benson and troy #lgbt animation #gay characters #lgbt cartoons #lgbtq+ #gay love #gay kiss #lgbt in media #paw of the jaguar #netflix kipo #netflix animation #episode review #lgbt kiss

[crimefightingspiderguy]

left hand free

Part II to the series, i want you to want me.

Summary: (Y/N) is checking in on Peter in Germany. 

Warnings: I guess swearing? Maybe spoilers for Captain America: Civil War, but like who hasn’t seen that bad boy lol?

Pairings: Peter Parker x best friend!reader

Word count: 1,632

A/N: I’ve decided that I’m going to attempt to get this series done before I start my summer semester, so on the 15th of May, if I can’t then updates will be slow during that time, at least for a month until I finish school. Updates will ideally be 1-2 times a week since that’s about how many days I have off from work. Thanks for the support on the last part!

You anxiously pace back and forth on your kitchen floor. Lost in your thoughts, only brought to reality by the familiar ding of your phone. You let go of the breath you didn’t know you were holding. You pick up your phone and look at the text from Peter, 

P: “Just landed in Germany”

Y: “Well now that the hard part is over, have a great trip! 🙄🥴”

P: “All will be fine lol. Make sure to send me a picture of us “hanging” so I can check-in with May.”

“Hey, dad!” You called to him, hoping he could hear you from his room.

“What’s up?” He popped his head out from behind the door frame. 

“I have a strange favor to ask. Can you take a picture of me working on my Spanish project? Since Peter and I couldn’t work on it together, they want us to take pictures of each of us doing our halves so they know we didn’t just have one person do all the work.” 

“What happened with Peter coming over this weekend?” 

“Oh, it turns out he had a college recruitment thing. He didn’t think he’d qualify when he applied, so he thought he’d be able to make it. He’s gonna do his half in his hotel.” 

“Oh, alright.” Your dad takes your phone from you and snaps a picture of you leaning over the poster board, pretending to write the title for the project. He hands you back your phone. “That’s an odd request from a teacher.” 

“Well, that’s what they tell us, but we all really know that they’re just lacking in volunteers for the yearbook so they want to get some extra pictures of kids working on projects if they can.” You chuckled nervously, and took the phone back, immediately sending it to Peter. He went back to his room, telling you goodnight and to not stay up too late. “love you!” you shout as he shuts his bedroom door. 

“Back at ya kid!”

You phone bings and brings your attention back to Peter.

P: “Oh look how cute you look when you pretend to do homework 🥺”

Y: “Shut up. I hope Captain America knocks you on your ass with his shield.” 

P: “Well that’s not very nice. Maybe I should ask one of the Avengers if they’re in the market for a new best friend.”

Y: “Go ahead and do that for me because if you die then at least I’ll have someone to comfort me. Does Thor happen to be on your team? If so, I’ll gladly mourn my loss in his big strong arms 😢”

P: “As a matter of fact, he is not. Guess you’re s.o.l. Nighty night.” 

Y: “Night, try not to get yourself killed dumbass.” 

You continued working on the Spanish project throughout the night. After all, you were planning on having two people doing this, and now you have to make up for that. Well, that’s what you told yourself, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to sleep well all weekend with the thought that Peter might be in danger. But, if he really has been Spider-Man this whole time, then he’s been in danger for some time. But this seems like a different kind of danger. You’ve always know Spider-Man to be the friendly neighborhood crime fighter, but now that he’s working with the Avengers, you worried what that kind of exposure to a bigger enemy might mean for him. Maybe this is why Peter never told you, he didn’t want you to hold him back or worry constantly about him. You’d understand him not telling May because of that, but you thought that your friendship was something beyond just caring about each other. You thought it was the two of you encouraging each other and helping them to be the best version of themselves, so why didn’t he trust you with something that was so important to him? Maybe he thought you’d rat him out? But if he gave you the chance he would know that you would never go behind his back like that. Maybe this was your chance to prove that to him. Well, whatever his reasoning, you hoped he would be more honest from here on out. 

The next day you hadn’t heard anything from Peter all day. You assumed he was probably just busy, plus being in a different time zone probably didn’t help, but you still had a gnawing feeling. That was until you got a text of a picture of Peter with some locals, and you realized he was probably sightseeing until it was time to “suit up”. You smiled at the picture and saved it. He looked so genuinely happy, and you didn’t get to see that often in pictures. You realized that this was something that he was excited about. His nerves and tension you sensed when he asked you to cover for him were gone, and he was fully enjoying himself and his chance to fight with Iron Man. You sighed contently and shut off your phone, figuring it’s probably best to not have it taunting you throughout the day. 

When you finally turned your phone back on, about right before you got into bed for the night, you had a video from Peter waiting for you. It was him running around a town square and showing you all the different food carts. You chuckled, not really sure why he felt the need to share all the food carts with you of everything, but you didn’t mind. Accompanying the video is a text that says,

P: “Mr. Stark says we’re gathering at the airport in the morning because that’s where Captain America is heading, trying to escape.”

Y: “Loving the video and picture, looks like fun! Hope everything goes well tomorrow, kick some ass Pete ❤️ (oh and don’t die please)” 

P: “Oh now you want me to come back. Now that you know Thor’s not here to dry your tears?” 

Y: “I’ve always wanted you to come back, I’m just saying if you don’t… I might not be so torn up if Thor was sent to break the news to me 😉”

P: “I’ll put that in my will really quick “P.S. Send Thor to break the news to (Y/N)”.” 

Y: “I appreciate your support on this bud! Oh by the way, here’s a picture of the project finished for May, tomorrow I’m baking Mantecados so when you get back you can be my taste tester and then everything should be ready to present on Monday!” 

You’d gotten up and snapped a picture of the finished poster board. Then propped your camera on your desk so it looked about Peter's height, and set a timer. You hopped in front of the board and held your arms out in a way that someone would show off a car on a game show, and out on a big grin. You sent both to Peter so he had some options for what to send to May as proof. He responded to you after he saved them and forwarded them to May.

P: “Thank you! May is really appreciating the fun shots of you acting like poster board making is your calling. Also, I’m really looking forward to knowing absolutely nothing about our project when we present lol.” 

Y: “Hey, that’s on you lol. Read the points I have on the board on your plane ride back.” 

You set your phone down and closed your eyes, a smile on your face that you couldn’t shake. You were able to sleep peacefully knowing that for now, Peter was okay. You could worry about him tomorrow, but for now, he’s okay. 

You decided to sleep in as much as you could, since today all you had to do was go out and get some baking ingredients, then bake. You woke up around noon, which is definitely longer than you thought you’d stay in, but you weren’t mad. You were facing your alarm clock on your bedside table then turned on your back to stretch. You looked up at your ceiling and fell out of bed. 

“What the actual fuck!” You yell as you fall, scared to death.

You heard the most familiar laugh echo through your room as Peter fell from your ceiling to your bed. You stood up, grabbed your pillow and smacked him across the head. 

“Hey! It’s not my fault you’re easy to scare!” 

“No, but it is your fault that you’re a total ass.” You laugh at him, but then pause as he takes off his mask and reveals his black eye. You quickly take his face into your hands and gently rub your thumb over it.

“Who did this? I’ll kick their ass.” You said, completely forgetting that he was just fighting the oldest living Avenger.

“I’ll let Mr. Stark know to warn Cap that you’re coming for his head.” 

“Right, sorry. I did just wake up, I totally forgot you were off fighting big bad guys. So what was it like? Are you an Avenger now?” 

“It was interesting and kind of cool to be doing more than just stopping random thugs from stealing old ladies’ purses, ya know? And no, well… I’m basically an Avenger, but I think I have to wait for another assignment or something for me to prove I’m ready.” 

“Well, hopefully, they’re not needing you too much.”

“Why not? I could really do this! I could be an Avenger!”

“What about school?”

“Well I could obviously do both, I would just have to only do Avenger things when I can, but I’ll manage, I’ve been managing for a while now.” 

“Well, as long as your happy, and not dead, I’ll support you.” You chuckled, hoping that Peter would continue to trust you with his Spider-Man secrets. 

Current Taglist: @popluckbih

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#peter parker #peter parker spiderman #peter parker is a dork #Peter Benjamin Parker #spiderman #spiderman series #peter parker writing #peter parker reader imagine #peter parker reader insert #peter parker tom holland #peter parker imagine #peter parker is precious #peter parker is a little shit #peter parker au #peter parker ship #peter parker series #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fandom #captain america civil war #MCU

[i-think-i-luv-ya]

Gunshot - KARD M/V Review Rant

I’m at it again with another so called review, when in reality its just a whole essay on my thoughts of my favorite artist’s comebacks, aka a rant lol. If you haven’t seen Gunshot, GO WATCH IT! I promise it’s amazing and this is one of their best songs/videos/comebacks etc. I have attached the video so no excuses! Also this is a lot of spoilers so don’t read this first it will ruin the shock and awe that is this video. And putting the “keep reading” to contain said spoilers and so ya’ll who don’t wanna read this don’t have to scroll endlessly to reach the end of my rambling.

Hi! Hello! Thank you for continuing reading! Lolol my Taemin 2KIDZ review actually got notes which was surprising, so hope you guys like this. I have a lot to say so here we go...

So first I wanna start on the meaning of the song. On his VLIVE BM said the song is about verbal abuse and how detrimental it can be to your mental health. Considering many pop songs, especially kpop, are all very cheery and upbeat I applaud them for covering such a serious topic in a way that’s not sad and slow. PLUS BM is creating new merch called healers where everything will be donated to an organization that fights against bullying (including homophobia and racism) which is incredible so be sure to check that out when it’s dropped. 

So on that note I wanna get into the song itself. Let’s start with lyrics. The song starts with the words “LOVE damn 4 letters” like what a perfect way to start a song. Also the way they blend a lot more English into this song is something I love as a non-Korean speaker. Plus the parts in English are so powerful? Well so are the Korean lyrics. Like KARD you guys just went hard with this whole song. The chorus is literally “You words are like a gunshot, I’m bleeding love”. Just wow. That definitely describes verbal abuse perfectly, especially coming from those you love because it’s those cruel words from loved ones that hurt the most. I mean “the words you spit out kill me like bullets”, how else is there to describe that pain because it fucking sucks. Other lyrics that just show the words are coming from the one you love: “As long as you love me, the good or the ugly, everything is okay” as well as “I won’t surrender my darling”.  And this relationship is obviously toxic with words like “Selfish I will never be enough even when I pour out all of myself” and “It’s like you control me, without you I’m lonely” and “So far you’ve concealed the true color” and “Without you dying slowly”. And they clearly have had enough with this abuse with lyrics like “Need to drag myself out of there, remove you from my life, take off the tag you” and “They hit me like a gunshot, I’ve bled enough”. 

Now into the sound of the song. It has all the classic KARD elements: it has a powerful sound with the instrumentals, it’s faced paced, it’s something you can dance to, and it has that chorus that slows down then just picks up again. But this song just sounds very different than anything they’ve released before? Not in a bad way, since this is probably one of their best songs. Between the lyrics, the vocals, and the overall sound where the music just doesn’t completely take over like in some of their other songs. Don’t get me wrong I love songs like BOMB BOMB, but it was very loud and a lot happening in the song at once. Which isn’t a bad thing, cuz that’s like the perfect club song. But with this song (and the whole album really) it shows them refining their sound. Also they had a lot more involvement with this song, especially BM who did everything from lyrics to producing which probably has a lot to do with it. The music itself just goes perfectly with the vocals. Just the flow is really nice, and the beat is fun, and them gun shots really just add to it. And can we talk about that breakdown when BM is like “1 shot, 2 shot, 3 shot, 4″? Like what??!! Those sirens and everything just ramps up just before it ends, like yaasssss. 

Now the music video! It starts with Jiwoo zipping up a body bag...which just sets the tone for the video cuz it’s like ok this is how it starts lets see how tf we got here. Then you find out at the end it Jiwoo zipping up the body bag of...well Jiwoo lol like WHAT THE FUCK?! (I’ll get into this here in a sec). Anyway in terms of the video it also has some classic KARD elements like the choreography that’s very intense and dramatic, the bright colors, the flashes and lasers, some crazy stuff happening, and some really cool props and visuals (not just the members lol). Other common stuff is the piles of technology surrounding them, especially J.seph. Like in Red Moon, there’s cameras and old televisions around them. This time the video starts with them being surrounded by cameras and J.seph has a pile of old computer monitors. There may be some meaning with this, but I don’t get it but think it’s an interesting theme. Perhaps its an analogy for them being constantly watched and put on every screen, like showing a darker side of being a celebrity (also will get into this in a minute when I talk about interesting interpretations and theories). 

Also this video gave me suicide squad vibes. Like Jiwoo with them pony tails and the way her makeup was done resembled Harley Quinn. And idk BM gave me Joker vibes (may be due to the coloring of his teeth), BUT he also gave me Harley vibes with the blue and pink coloring of his blonde hair (which is just an amazing look for him). Then BM was just covering everything in black, Jiwoo is just fucking shit up, Somin is ready to cut a bitch, and J.seph is burning shit up as usual (just like BOMB BOMB, so another parallel). Everyone looked good in this video...like they are all such great visuals. Somin looked like a queen as always with the jewelry and everything (they always do that and she looks stunning). Jiwoo pulls of that outfit with those threads everywhere, like that would drive me crazy yet she looks amazing. Blonde BM is truly a look. And J.seph? I think this was the best he’s looked in any video...maybe its the dark hair and clothes paired with those light contacts that just make his eyes stand out. Idk but looks good, all of them! Even with all those slashes to their faces! Also this video is a lot less sexualized, especially with the girls but that’s a whole other topic for another day.

So we know this song is about verbal abuse. I talked about how it could be from someone you love. Obviously the cuts on their faces are caused by the words and pain inflicted on them, until eventually its more than just lashes but a full on gunshot killing them completely. An interesting theory I read is this is a song to their fans, or really people just leaving hate comments. Again you can draw from the cameras and screens how their whole life is recorded, and how they are trying their best pouring their heart and soul into their music when they get all this hate and criticism. So these “shots” hurt the most when it comes from their fans. Also going with this concept, Jiwoo shooting herself could be killing who she is to be who they want her to be. Although there’s so many interpretations, especially to the ending. Like it could be her killing the weaker and darker part of herself (like the part of herself willing to put up with the abuse out of love), so by killing that part of her she is free. BUT, could this “winner” be that dark part of herself killing who she used to be? This could also be killing that pain, but by embracing it and letting it morph you into something darker like a person embracing that evil and using it to make themselves stronger and protect themselves. OR she is causing this pain on herself, it’s her own words are the insecurities and lack of love to herself that is affecting her until she ends up just killing herself (not literally but figuratively). Idk so many ideas and interpretations to the ending alone. Plus we have them all just spreading this darkness and anger (like BM literally painting everything black, which is symbolic into spreading darkness). But ya this video was amazing, the visuals were stunning and the song is just great.

The rest of the album (all 2 songs...hope they release more) was just as incredible. Hold On is a farewell to J.seph who will be enlisting soon, and omg that made me cry. So J.seph you better keep your promise and return soon because we’ll be holding on and waiting for you babe! This song was also really slow (at least for a KARD song) which just shows you they can be diverse in their music. Plus just the contrast of the verses (which are just super powerful) with the chorus (which is very melodic) was great. And with AH EE YAH, like that was so nice to listen to and its a cool mix between old music with that beat it starts with, to newer music especially with the way they rap. So, shows they have a lot of influences and it also shows a different side to KARD. 

Overall I think it’s a great comeback (idk what else they have planned but hoping for some new stuff because I’ve missed them so much). Please go show support and stream Gunshot and listen to the mini album! They are so talented and deserve so much more recognition. They have such hope with this comeback, but yet they still are like “we’re never gonna be number 1″ and that just breaks my heart. So show your support, hopefully they can get a win this year or just something big happen for them because they deserve it!! So that is the end of my rant...back to watching this video for the 100th time we go!! 

#let me know what you think if you read my entire paper lol #alyssa kpop rant #BM #j.seph #jeon somin #jeon jiwoo #kard #hidden kard #kpop #gunshot #gunshot kard #kard comeback #bm kard #j.seph kard #jiwoo kard #somin kard

[silver-wield]

Hi I want to know what your thoughts were on Tifa's reaction when they face Sephiroth? Shouldn't she have been more angry towards the guy that killed her father? She has every right to go after Sephiroth as much as Cloud.

Sorry this took a while to get to, Nonny, I've got a lot of asks backed up and I try to clear the non-analysis first. I'm guessing you mean during chapter 18 and not 17? I've mentioned it's weird they don't comment on Sephiroth in the drum, especially Tifa, but considering how much the dev team was pressed to get the game out on a deadline, it's become clear to me that chapters 16-18 are pretty unfinished in places, so missing dialogue doesn't surprise me anymore. Hopefully they'll do a patch update to fill that in while we're waiting for part 2.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be reasonably long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Recap time!

Ok, we've just beat the shit out of the motorball and the team is home free. Until Cloud spots Sephiroth blocking the road and forces Tifa to perform an emergency stop or run him over.

(aside: Anyone else loving how Cloud says “copy/copy that”? Also, pretty sure Tifa says “copy that” too at some point but I might be fangirl projecting lol)

Yeah, this is a “what the hell, Cloud?” look mingled with “what's wrong, Cloud?” lol Tifa's level of concern about him is always so cute!

Group shot of everyone looking up at Sephiroth's extra af entrance and they all look pretty grim tbf. It's hard to see much varying expression on their faces because of the distance and low res.

And you don't get to see Tifa's reaction here up close because she's cut from the frame. The devs do this – switch povs or move whoever out of frame – when they don't want us to see their reaction because it's too much of a giveaway of something they're not ready to reveal yet.

We get Red, Barret, Aerith and Cloud, but Tifa is conspicuous by her absence. That’s not by accident. They’ve done this on purpose.

This is actually a similar expression to the one she wore during the mako reactor flashback that Cloud had. She's pissed, but because it's Tifa, she contains her emotions really well. You have to look hard to read her. There's a look in her eyes and a slight curling of her upper lip on her left hand side. Her brows are slightly drawn together more than usual. She's not relaxed and at rest here. That's genuine hatred on her face. She’s disgusted Sephiroth is alive. How dare this monster show up in front of her after what he did. 

And then the narrative moves onto the whole freedom stuff and Tifa's not given a chance to comment on how she feels.

Apprehensive Tifa is apprehensive. She wants to help, but she's not keen on the whole changing herself part of it. She had to change after Nibelheim, grow tougher and rely only on herself. She closed herself off from others. She probably sees unknown changes as a bad thing. She won’t back down though. She’s a follow through type of girl.

One final shot of Cloud looking at Tifa because that's just what a guy does when he’s totally not into someone lol He’s also checking on her after she’s seen Sephiroth. He wants to make sure she’s coping okay. Because that’s also what a guy who isn’t into a girl does. He offers support.

Conclusion

Tifa doesn't show her emotions easily on her face. Doesn't mean she doesn't feel things. She also wasn't given much chance to comment on any of this since events moved past their opinion of Sephiroth and she's also not the type of person to share something so important to her past with everyone. She's know Barret 5 years and he doesn't know about it. She's not long met Aerith and just met Red that night. Only Cloud knows how much she hates Sephiroth and even he likely can't connect to everything completely. She's totally alone in this moment, so holding onto her feelings is normal for her. She's not gonna make it about her. She wouldn't, even if everyone knew her history. She's just not like that.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #final fantasy 7 remake analysis #character analysis #Tifa lockheart #Her character is in her name #Lock heart #Means she's not gonna be wearing her heart on her sleeve

[morphogenetic]

Is ao no flag worth reading? I went through the tag and why is everyone who's reading suffering?? Damn... :/ are the gays treated badly or what?

ack sorry i didn’t see this earlier anon but excuse me yelling about this a lot because ive been reading this manga since ch 5 and have some STRONG feelings (in a positive way) about it sdlgkhsdkf. sorry for upcoming text wall i can try and space shit out if it’s hard to readokay so: it is absolutely worth reading yes. regardless of anything else that happens, the paneling/composition is fucking worth it alone tbh. it’s gorgeous as fuck, i’ve set specific panels and some of the cover art to be my phone background at certain points its just. oof. man. it’s so fucking good.

like. goddamn. this page in particular is SO fucking good and there’s more shit like this everywhere. i’m honestly in fucking love w the art and panel work it’s so good at show-don’t-tell and it’s just. so well done to boot.putting the really good art aside though: the overall discussions between characters that happen in this manga are fucking incredible. like. even going on beyond just treating gay characters with a level of respect that i wasn’t expecting in a shonen jump property (not the main mag but definitely still really widely read), there’s a really deep discussion of gender roles and the struggles that girls/women have to deal with in japanese society that i wasn’t expecting to see at all but that i deeply, deeply appreciate. also it goes a lot into the struggle of the high school to college transition and just the general idea of not knowing what the hell you want to do with your life and i just. really appreciate those things existing

while the gay characters experience pain, i would not say they are treated badly. i will probably fail at explaining this well while also trying to avoid spoilers lol, but while they are definitely going through some rough shit, it’s not rough shit for the sake of being cruel to them, and as characters they are honestly some of the most well-developed characters gay characters i’ve seen in any media at all, because nothing about them is treated as a joke. they’re both treated with as much respect by the narrative as the (seemingly, i personally doubt the lead is actually straight and there’s some hints as to another main being trans but neither of those are canon so let’s call them straight for now lol) straight charastheir pain isn’t like….punching down, if that makes sense? like yeah they’re going through some shit, but it’s for the sake of the narrative getting a message across,and  their circumstances are actively decried by the narrative as Being Shitty. it’s really not pain  for the sake of just being cruel to fictional gay characters Because The Author Can Be Cruel If They Want To. im trying to think of a good comparison point to this but it’s a struggle, the best comparison i can think of in manga rn that you MIGHT have a point of reference on is how magne is being treated in b/nha right now. (I AM NOT READING BN//HA im not even caught up on the anime slkghsdf but based on what i know of her treatment she seems to be having a rough time of actually being treated like a person.)  anyway i have no idea if i’m explaining this point well at all but hopefully followers of mine reading anf already get what i mean by this, it’s not cruelty for the sake of being cruelthat and like. everyone in this gd manga has some degree of pain, both the ‘straight’ characters are EXTREMELY anxious/depressed and one of the non-leads honestly has one of the most developed internal struggles, to the point where the entire gd fandom collectively had a moment of apology to her because we fucked up THAT bad in reading her personality lmao. this is technically a drama manga, after all, everyone’s dealing with some level of (realistic-to-real-life) internal struggle rn, but there’s no internal-narrative mocking of it. everyone’s issues are treated with respect

there are some things lately (and by ‘lately’ i mean within the last chapter or two) that many people, including myself, have reacted to with some amount of hesitation. anf has a habit of showing one thing and then completely changing your mind about said thing (see: aforementioned non-lead thing). i am not personally happy about it, but this is a monthly manga, so i’m willing to let it play its course for now. totally get the fandom dissatisfaction about it though but i think the good points of the manga up to this point still definitely outweigh itSORRY ANON THIS IS PROBABLY LONGER THAN YOU WERE EXPECTING LOL but yes. anf very good. painful but like. realistic pain and not Just For The Sake of Being Painful

RETROACTIVE EDIT BC IM A DUMBASS: if you’re seeing this and going ‘huh, cool, where can i read this?’ the answer is on the website/app mangaplus, which is a LEGAL, OFFICIAL, AND YET SOMEHOW ALSO FREE way to read a ton of shonen-jump-associated manga, including anf (under the title blue flag). the little volume extras aren’t there but they’re easy enough to find on mangadex and places like that lol

#junpei.txt #asks #anonymous #long post #/ #// #/// #ao no flag #(IM SPECIFICALLY TRYING TO GET THIS TO NOT SHOW UP IN THE TAG SORRY IF IT DOES ANYWAY)

[i-am-parsec]

Unaddressed Letters - Part V

                                                           Leaving Jacksonville - part I

The night they leave is warm and quiet. End of the summer, the streets downtown are still fairly crowed after the sun goes down, Stacy has some costumers roaming around the thrift shop while Chase, just across the street, sweats in the kitchen of a Mexican restaurant, trying to leave no meat uncooked and no drink without ice.

During a brief moment of precious spare time, he checks his phone.

“Call me when you are done with the dishes, kitchen boy" reads the screen.

His heart skips a beat and he frowns. Of course she’s texting him, they are friends. They go back home together every single night after work. This is not something worth a heart-beat skipping, when the fuck is his brain going to get the memo?

He can’t continue his internal screaming - those burritos aren’t going to make themselves.

The young girl puts her phone away as an old man approaches the counter. Dark eyes, whitening short brown hair, a full goatee and about two heads taller than her. He doesn’t look scary per se, but neither does he look friendly and yet Stacy is invaded by an strange feeling of warm comfort when met by this unknown client and ponders, for a second, why. When it clicks, her hands freeze. She keeps her gaze glued on the light blue shirt she’s bagging, choking back the tears. It’s always like this, something ordinary, unimportant, pulls the trigger and the pain rushes to her eyes. She manages to snap out of it, but not without the man noticing.

“Is everything okay, ma’am?”

Fuck, even his voice is similar. She fails at smiling and looks away.

“Yes, sir, it’s just…you look a lot like...uh, my dad. Well, not a lot, it’s mostly the beard...I think…”

As she looks down, it’s impossible to deny the burn in her throat and the shaking of her hands. Not now, please, not here. Crying during working hours in a thrift shop that’s probably – totally – laundering drug money.

Well, that’s a new low.

“Did you lose him recently?” asks the man gently, prompting her to look up.

“No, I…I lost him when I was kid. He was shot…a robbery gone wrong…”

He nods, no trace of pity in his features, only compassion and understanding. Maybe he lives in town, maybe he also lost someone in the hands of the corrupted and greedy. Maybe he knows this pain too.

“I’m sorry to tell you, darling, that it won’t ever stop hurting, especially in your case, a loss so unfair, but let me tell you this…” the old man stops for a second, and then, with more conviction than Stacy has ever witnessed in her entire life “…you are strong enough to handle this and any other nonsense that life throws at you. You just gotta remember that, always."

Her phone buzzes for a long minute but she doesn’t pick up. She’s still holding her breath when he gives her the money. She wants to tell him to not worry about it, the shirt is on her, but with such a tight budget, every cent counts. All she can do is smile and thank him.

Another call. She tries her best to sound calm but Chase can tell something's wrong in the tiredness of her "hey". She explains quickly, hoping to ease his friend's mind - he's already anxious mess by default, wouldn't want to fuel it up - and after repeating at least ten times "yes, Chase, I swear I'm ok now", she sighs and then asks.

"Can we go down to the bar tonight?"

There's a second of silence. She hates drinking or, to be more precise, she hates seeing him drinking. She claims he likes it a bit too much for his own good. She continues.

"I'll hurry up and close this dumpster in a minute, and then we go straight down to Joe's, what do you say?"

He knows what his friend is doing, she's avoiding herself, avoiding the thinking, the pain and honestly, he can't blame her. He's been there, done that, and she always stayed by his side whenever he went into Emotionless Drunk Mess mode, so he has no problem returning the favor now.

"I say I'm covered in sweat, blood and other unknown bodily fluids so maybe we go home and take a shower first?"

When she laughs, he feels his heart become a little lighter.

"First of all: ew, gross; secondly: We take shower? Are you suggesting we take it together, Brody?"

And there it is, that's the Stacy he knows and loves - a teasing smart ass. This time though, he doesn't let her words fluster him - too much - and attacks back.

"Of course, Walters, we gotta do it for the environment's sake, you know? We gotta save water!"

"Oh, yeah, totally, that’s why, it has nothing to do with you dying to see me naked."

"I feel so insulted you would even dare to think that, young lady, I am a gentleman!"

"Oh, sure thing, perv. Okay, I'll finish here and meet you outside in a bit."

The smile on his face lingers all the way until he sees her walking out the store. He nods curiously at the bag on her hand. She smiles like a kid planning a prank and simply winks.

“I’m just borrowing a little something.”

“Uh, yeah, that’s called stealing, Stacy.”

She chuckles and then, as she usually does, starts a fire in his chest with just a short phrase.

“Don’t judge me, I just want to look pretty for our date.”

She’s joking, Brody, she’s fucking joking, like all friends do.

Just as they get to their stop, their bus arrives.

“This must be our lucky night” exclaims Stacy surprised. Once they are settled in their seats, she rests her head  on his shoulder and grabs his hand. Chase simply does his best to not suffer a stroke.

“We have to get out of here, dude. Soon.”

“That’s the plan” stutters the young man, wishing he could sound a bit less nervous by something that they have been doing for years now.

“Yeah, I know, but we always talk about it as a goal in the future and I…I don’t know. I feel like we shouldn’t wait too long or we might end up never leave this town” mutters Stacy with a sudden grim tone.

“Don’t say that, dude, of course we are doing it,” says her friend as her grabs her chin, looking for her eyes, all awkwardness replaced by the imperative need to bring her smile back “we promised we would, didn’t we?”

She nods half-heartedly and snuggles up against him, like a lost dog hides from the rain under a frail tree. As he hugs her, bringing her closer, he whispers against her dark hair: “Let’s set a date.”

“For our wedding? Sorry, Brody, but you haven’t even proposed to me yet” she jokes dryly.

Ignoring the sudden rush of heat on his body, he replies: “No, dumbass, for our escape!”

She come out of her shelter and looks at him with a hint of excitement on her eyes.

“A date?”

“Yeah, a date. Tell me when you want to leave.”

She bites her lower lip - one of her many quirks that drives him insane - and inhales slowly. As she breathes out, she answers: “End of this year. That should give us enough time to save a decent amount of money, make a good plan and maybe find a place to rent.”

“Well, end of the year it is. December 31 we are getting the fuck out of Jacksonville.”

And when he laughs, she feels the whole world become a little lighter.

More info, previous chapters, tag list AND HEADCANONS under the cut

First and foremost, I apologize for any mistakes in the chapter. This one wasn’t proof-read either and on top of that I wrote it on a rush but hopefully it’s decent ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

All chapters in chronological order, here. Previous chapter, here. Next chapter, here.

SO, yes, this is a two-part chapter - truth be told, I’m only posting this now and not both parts as one since I’m quite busy and have no time to finish writing it but I still wanted to post something now as, idk, a christmas special???? whatever, I just wanted to post it, lol

Anyways, HEADCANON TIME:

* As you may have noticed in the last chapter, Chase and Stacy’s daughter - Esperanza (which, by the way, means Hope in Spanish) - has a VERY Latino name, well, that’s because my hc is that Stacy is latina! Well, half latina, her mom is latina, her dad is white and because Stacy is white-passing and her mom knew about the struggles of being a Latina woman in the US, Stacy’s parents decided to give her a very white first name, so she would have it “easier” in life. Spoiler alert: she didn’t have it easier in life. Like, at all.

* Despite that, she still has a very Latino second name - Dolores (which means Pains in Spanish *winkwink*) - that she loves just as much as she loves her Latino heritage, and that’s why she named her daughter like that - Chase 100% loves the name as well.

* This is kinda spoilerish (because I will explore this headcanon in far more depth later on the fic) but I still feel you guys should know: Before they were the best of friends, Henrik and Chase were penpals - they met through an elementary school penpal project and kept writing each other all the way until adulthood, when they finally met face to face.

* Neither Chase or Stacy had pets - or were allowed to have any - by the time they became friends, but they both love animals and started feeding a cat they always came across on their way to school. They named the cat Sam.

* Stacy is allergic to cats. She loved Sam from a distance.

* Chase knows quite a bit of Spanish Stacy taugh him. She didn’t teach him just for funsies but because she ended up getting him a job in a Mexican restaurant and the owners didn’t speak English. She was very impressed by how easy it was for him to get used to the Latino enviroment and how good he turned out to be at cooking.

* Chase knows Stacy likes her second name better than her first, but sucks at pronuncing it correctly so he only call her Dolores jokingly andsometimeswhentheyhavesex

* They weren’t each others “first”, but Stacy told Chase after they did it for the first time that she had never enjoyed sex before him (and Chase almost cried because of such huge compliment).

* Esperanza is fluent in Spanish and English and knows a bit of German thanks to Uncle Henrik. Henrik is also Esperanza’s godfather.

I have way more headcanons but all of them are incredibly spoilery, so this is all you get for now. Now let’s move on to the next chap-

❤  Tag list ❤: @amyxmiaplay, @beck-pma, @closedworldofmathiel, @darktrash-drash, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @flyingfishflopsthings, @fruitycasket, @happysingingturtles, @hiimizzyxoxo, @hishex, @kitnkas, @mcomegalletas, @mijako98, @mjjau, @mysterious-cupcake-ninja, @mysticalanimallover, @novasingalaxies, @plutoandpolaris, @probablyghosting, @randomartdudette, @saltyweirdbi, @sassy-in-glasses, @scarlet--raven, @septicuniverse, @skyewardlight, @thevampireauthoress, @youllnevertaketheskyfromme

Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed it! If you did, please reblog, that helps me a lot ❤

#Chase Brody #Stacy Brody #Unaddressed Letters #Jacksepticeye #Antisepticeye #Henrik Von Schneepletein #Dr. Schneeplestein #Fanfic #JSE #fanfiction #JSE egos #JSE community #therealjacksepticeye

[james-stark-the-writer]

11/11/11 tag

So, @nobodywritesstuff and @hepiit and @pens-swords-stuff tagged me in this. @oneamateurgirl512 did as well. But I can’t find Mariah’s post (because tumblr is broken) and oneamatuergirl’s questions are mostly poetry stuff (and the ones that aren’t would take me forever). anyway, this is way more questions than i intended so, here we go. this is a long post, if it wasn’t obvious. I’m doing three tags here. That’s a total 33 questions. And since i couldn’t find Mariah’s post, i’m doing the questions pens-swords-stuff’s answered (i hope that’s okay). Let the post begin.

Also, i’m sorry for taking such a long time to get to this. life was a bit hectic.

warning: bad grammar and capitalization issues (but hopefully no typos) ensues because i’m too lazy.

// oddessy’s quesitons

do you model your ocs after real people? why or why not?

sometimes. their quirks can really help being depth to a person. but as far as personality goes, not very often. I do take a few tidbits like a particular odd thing they might like but not much more than that.

what is the most important thing, in your opinion, about creating a character who is realistic and interesting?

make a character boring. that’s important. they don’t need to be interesting as long as the stuff happening to them and their reaction to it is intersting. take harley quinn in suicide squad, because that’s the only example i can come up with at the moment. if you had the first quarter of the movie building up how boring her life is and how she gets this opportunity to make it interesting changes her world view when she meets the joker and that would have made for a more exciting movie because you would have connected with harley. you would have seen the boring facets of her life. you would have seen why she went with the joker.. most normal people aren’t interesting. you think jeff in accoutning or janet in sales go home to a luxury car and expensive wine or do anything remotely interesting in their every day life?

i think to make characters interesting, you have to make them relatable and to make them realistic, you have to make them boring. when you find a perfect balance, you get a good character. but, remember, realistic isn’t always interesting. there’s a reason you’re reading books. if you want hyper realistic stuff, stop reading a book. or watching a movie or show or whatever you’re doing.

what was/were the inspirations for your wip(s)?

so, for TGFP, it was the show reign. I believe my exact thought was: reign but with magic and fairies. voila.

for AYATO, it was Sabrina the Teenage WItch S01E21: As westbridge turns.

and for OWAD, i’ve always wanted to write a story about paranormal stuff ( especially since my first vampire book was an erotica based around valentine’s day. at the age of 11. that was... enlightening) but since then i’ve explored the genre a lot. vampire diaries, the orignals, legacies, constantine, teen wolf, hemlock grove etc and i just wantd to write about it. But since legacies is on the air atm, i guess that’d be the biggest inspiration. 

out or no outline? why?

semi outline.so, i’ll usually have a speiific scene i want to get to. 

TLDR: outlining makes writing boring because i like to discover my scenes but i will sort of have a direction on where to go.

Let me explain this with an example. this is spoilers for TGFP, in case anyone is wondering (lol who am i kidding nobody wants to read that) and also spoilers for the princess bride. So, i was watching the princess bride for the first time and in the end when the princess is about to get murdered and is saved by her lover, i thought: man, that scene sounds cool. i should do that but have the princess die.  

so, i was waiting to write this scene ( cause i imagined it like a character standing by a window in the dark and a soft red light giving the room some light and holding his arms behind him and they’re covered in blood splatters) in which one of the main protags, the King on the throne Robert Tresting murderes his newly wed wife on their wedding day. The thing is i had no idea how to get there becasue all my characters were scattered around different parts of the world at that point. so i added in a subplot about a girl robert’s cousin getting the guy she liked assassinated. then her aunt suggested she get married to her son Robert. She isn’t given much choice before she is whisked away (because yanno rights and stuff in medieval places were pretty close to nil). So she’s taken away and immediately set off to her cousin’s kingdom across an ocean and there’s a scene where they like travel the city and stuff and she kinda starts to like him. But something about her demeanor seems off to robert so he asks a fairy to follow her around and find out what she’s up to. so i made up a spell to allow the fairy to read the girls’ thoughts and i’d introduced a thing called the fairy oath in the beginning of the book which essentially made the fairies confess all lies and do as the people hiring them said. so, anyway, she reports back to robert that his cousin has plans to kill him on their wedding night (i’d dropped some vague clues about his cousin having ulterior motives before. i wasn’t even sure what they were but this seemed appropriate) and so, they get married and they’re lying in bed, exhausted from all the proceedings and she’s placed a knife under her pillow before the ceremony and she reaches for it, checking to make sure Robert is sleeping. And suddenly, he stabs her with his out of sight hand on the other side on the bed and a knife lands in her chest. and he tells her how he realised her plans and he puts a pillow on her mouth to muffle any screams and she dies. and that’s the scene. I had no idea how to get there. I threw shit in and conencted dots from older scenes and that’s how i write. i am a plotser. I plan a few particualr scenes i want to get to and see how to get there.

how do you get back into the flow of writing after being in a rut for a while

i just kinda write. write something completely unrelated to any of my wips and then i just keep writing unrelated stuff becuase i no longer have the pressure of wanting to write anything from another wip where i’m stuck on. i no longer have anything keeping me from doing what i want. no established world rules or anything like that so i just do that and it works. (inset it just works meme here. I’m too lazy to look it up). and then i occasionally go back to the thing i’m stuck on. if i get out of it, good. if I dont, back to writing unrelated stuff.

do you focus on a central theme whilst writing your story or do you develop the story and then focus on the themes later?

i have nothing figured out. no themes, no story, nothing. I plan as I go. somehow it makes sense at the end(becuase i spend hours rereading old stuff to find something i can use). but the story comes first. once i have the whole thing down, i can reread it to see which temes emerge and which dont. which i want to keep and whcih i dont and then change it accordingly

write a brief biography for your favourite oc

that would be nightshade. she’s not the most fun to write for but she’s my favourite oc. for some reason. i don’t even know. anwyay, i’m going to hit some brief bullet points from her age accomplishments and stuff (what she considers accomplishments and important stuff at least) instead of an entire paragraph because why not?

age 0 is born to a royal fairy family

age 10 sees parents get murdered.

age 11 is sent off to live with high elves and learn their magic

age 12 learns her first bit of elven magic

age 13 learns how to blend fairy magic and elven magic

age 14 loses her virginity

age 15 completes her studies in ancient and dead languages and history of every major even in history that has a surviving record.

age 17 first real combat. wins by complete accident but gravely injures self

age 20 rematch against first opponent with more combat trainign under her belt (ends him rightly)

age 24 her first assignment working as a spy for a king

age 26 joins and leads a group of fairies in an uprising against mages

age 30 returns to the elves for sutdies when rebellion is crushed

age 35 is hired by robert to stop a rebellion

fun fact: i just made up that entire list on the spot except for four things on it. comment which ones you think i knew about before. onto the next question

what makes a villain dynamic, in your opinion

a villain is dynamic as long as they have an effect on the hero. not only on the heroes actions but their words, their thougths. a villain is able to utterly crush a hero even if they arent in a majority of the story (sauron for example). but they shouldn’t be op. nerf that guy. and then nerf your protag. i like underdogs. i think most people do. but that doesn’t mean your villain needs to be op. they just need to be more powerful than the protags and other characters. also, i am a sucker for monologues. not explaining what their plan is or why their doing it but why their killing/fighting the protag (there’s gonna be soemthing like this in AYATO). its a cool spin on the monolgue cliche and i like it. also the villain isn’t interrupted or attacked during this scene. they also need to have a valid reason for doing what they are doing though and i’d reccomend watching terrible writing adivce for more information.

are flaws important for your ocs and how greatly do they affect your stories

yes. flaws make a characer relatable (social anxiety and being an introvert isn’t a goodamn flaw). they affect my characters based on the situation. sometimes it’ll pop up like a minor inconvinience to remind the reader it exists or soemtimes it’ll cripple them in a major plot point because plot. and suffering. and torutre and why not?

what is your favourite type of setting to write

medieval stuff. don’t know why. just something about it. i like futuristic settings too but they require more work and they’re harder. the worst are realsitic places. i will not do that research. the best i will do is see some photos and some google maps stuff but that’s it unless i’m really dedicted to a wip. 

favourite genre to write

fantasy (both medieval and urban), sci fi and paranormal.

// pens-swords-stuff’s questions #1

what character archetypes do your ocs fit into, if any

well, here’s some. 

Ivana, around Boris, at least: the protective sister

Boris, around Ivana: the overprotective brother

Aaron: the tired writer (is that a common archetype in books? Idk)

Theadora: resident mean girl

that’s all i can remember atm.

other than their main universe, what other universe (of your own creation or found in media) would you like to see your characters in?

uh, fillory, camorr, the entire tvd universe, the withces of eastwick universe, the mistborn universe and the godfather. Also, Sabrina the teenage witch and riverdale. and @riverlinden‘s world from her wip.

what is the best plot twist you’ve ever read/seen/played

the entire works of Scott Lynch.

have you/would you ever kill your darling characters? why?

yes. if the plot needed it. i mean, i’ve gotten attached to like seven characters over the hundreds i’ve created so yeah, if it’s not the seven, i’d do it happyily. If it is the seven, i’d still do it. i’d just be sad i don’t get to write from their perspective anymore. and my books usually don’t have dead characters coming back so... yeah.

what is your favourite obscure word in the english language (or whatever language you write in)

don’t have one. but for some reason, whenever i try to imitate a british accent (i promise i don’t inflict that atrocity often), i eat all the t’s. so british sounds like bri-ish. scottish sounds like sco-ish. etc. also, it’s not a word but a letter. thorn. you know the signs you see in stereotypical stuff like ‘ye old bar’ or wahtever? that y is a letter called thorn used for the ‘th’ sound. so its still ‘the old bar’ not ‘ye old bar’. but the letter was replaced with a y becuase typewriters didn’t have a thorn key. 

what song’s on the soundtrack for the major motion picture based on your wip

every song greyson chance does/did (especially 21, meridians and afterlife and also unfriend you).

everything haley reinhart does (especially behave and spiderweb)

the postmodernjukebox cover of say my name 

make you feel my love by adele

wives and lovers by jack jones

personality crisis by the new your dolls because that’s what y book was goign trough during planning

that’s all i can think of atm.

how did you come up with the title for your wip?

it’s pretty hard or easy depending on what mood i’m in tbh. 

TGFP’s title took me an entire week.

AYATO started with it’s title. it was one of the first things i figured out becuase i wanted to make a clever thing with the title. 

For OWAD, I like of mice and men. That became of Witches and Demons

But there’s earlier wips where i use themes or items from the story like Survivor (sci fi espionage) or Starlight (angels stuck on earth until they find starlight)

what time of day do you prefer to write at?

all times. i write whenever i’m busy and supposed to be doing literally anything but write. and when i’m free and in the mood, i write at whatever time.

have you ever scrapped a big plot point you had planned? if so, what was it, and why

not really. i don’t have any big plot points deided in advance. but i have scrapped multiple side plots.

how do you pick your characters names

just, whatever i like. I smush letters together or remov letters or just go for something uncommon or extremely common depending on the feel i want their name to give off. Like Aaron is pretty common but Ingram isn’t.

who on writeblr would you like to get to know better

everyone, lol. But, right now the people i can think most of @writersloth @strawberryspaceship @godofdiverseinterests @hepiit @adie-dee and @nobodywritesstuff. if anyone wants to talk, come on right over.

do you like worldbuilding

YES. BEST PART OF WRITING. besides torturing characters, duh.

what is the longest project you have ever completed

technically, its one chapter from being completed but it’s The Game For Power at 125K.

do you have a favourite setting

like to red or write? I alread did write so to read, i’ll read just about anything as long as it’s well written and keeps my attention.

do you want your project to one day be made into a movie? (provided it has a decent budget)

not a movie but a series. my stuff has way too much stuff to be condensed into a movie. if it was a movie, it’d need to be at least six-eight hours long.

if you write on the computer, what program do you use? or if you write by hand do you like loose papers or notebooks?

i use atomic scribbler and word on the pc and pure writer and word on android. i don’t usuallly write in notebooks unless i have nothing else to write in. i have too many notebooks to find what i need a lot of the times.

do you have a favourite pen

no

whats the best thing anyone has ever said about your writing

that they empathize with my chracters and that they could picturise thes scene in their head and that it was really engaging and flowed well.

what is your favourite part of your writing

starting a book

what do you do when you’re procrastinating

what don’t i do? I watch tv, go for a walk, listen to music, netflix, youtube everything. 

have you ever based a character after a person you know 

yes. once. they immeditely die in the next scene.

do you hope to be published someday

yes.

//pens-swords-stuff’s actual questions #1

what do you do when you’re stuck

walk away and do something else until i figure out what to do.

what inspires you

everything. a particualr beat ina s ogn, a photo, a lyric, a movie, a show, a gorgeous view etc. but it depends on how much inspiration i’m willing to take.

what’s a writing pet peeve you have

don’t really have one. but my descriptions can get kinda samey and mechanical and boring really quick. like that line.

what’s your fav trope

the villain loses but still has a small victory before losing. cause it makes me go, ‘wait is the author about to make the villain win?’ and i love that. also, slow burns kissing.

what’s your least favourite character archetype 

don’t have one.

describe your very first oc

her name was eve. she was bland. had little interesting about her except she knew latin and had studided up on some mythology to find her sister and save her from dracula. it was horrible. just shoot me an ask/pm if you wanna read it.

describe a recent writing accomplishment you had

(almost) finished a book after three years of work.

any advice for other writers you want to share

just keep writing. and reading. you don’t want to end up like me.

whats your favourite literary device

similies. but i can never use them.

why did you make a writeblr

becuase i was bored and wanted some peeps to read my stuff and wanted more writer friends.

say something nice about your writing

my dialogue is okay at worst and really good at best.

do whichever ones you want from this behemoth @godofdiverseinterests @strawberryspaceship @thebloodstainedquill @grimmwrites @three-seas-writes @riverlinden @writingwithteacups @writersloth @writings-of-a-narwhal @jess---writes @adie-dee

#this post took me two hours to make #this was seriously super long #thanks for the tags you guys #and sorry for getting to them so late!

[renrutnnej]

I never wanted to be a mother

Oh boy, the miracle of birth and whatnot!

I’m really bad at absolutes. For example, as long as I can remember I’ve told people I never wanted to be a wife or a mother. As a little girl I remember looking at both jobs and being like, “Nah.”

My daughter was not my first pregnancy. The first time I was en-wombed was in university and I was a freshman who in the short span of six months time was sexually assaulted, and entered into a volatile physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Because of some mental health problems and a total lack of self esteem, I didn’t see either of these things in their correct light, I just thought my first year away from home was a real education in female adulthood.

Fortunately my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Is it weird or wrong to say that? I don’t think so. I was 19 and had already chipped a front tooth from being punched in the face by my boyfriend. So when I think about that time in my life, I don’t feel any guilt. Also I didn’t know I was pregnant until it was too late and what I thought was the worst period of my life was actually a miscarriage.

This gave me the impression that my physical person was a hostile environment to children. It proved that I knew I could and would not be a mother, ever.

—

To talk about my daughter’s birth, I have to set the stage, which in retrospect I’ve always described as an unfortunate series of events, but now I realize fully how incomplete and lacking in good substance my life would have been without her. I have to look at these events as exactly the way things were supposed to happen.

First, I could not find a writing job out of college (I graduated with a degree in English literature, lucrative I know). All of my self esteem issues came to a head and I resigned myself to the fact that I had been posing in college as a person with ambition when really I was going to end up staying a small town person working retail or as another’s administrative assistant or something.

Second, my sister graduated from college the following year and decided to move to Las Vegas. Through zero seconds of trying to convince me I decided to come along. Also our parents were already living there (they had moved while we were both in university).

This new start inspired me and I decided to do something completely different with my life. I was going to change the world by joining the Peace Corps. Whoa, except that stipend does NOT even come close to covering my credit card bills and student loans. Umm, backup plan, I was going to change the world by teaching English in South America, somewhere like Argentina or something. In the meantime I had to save up for this adventure so I took the first job I could, in retail.

Third, sexism has pissed me off for a long time. Growing up tomboy really instilled an (arguably ignorant) type of jealous competitiveness in me. Anything they can do, I can do better, or in the very least I can do it too. So when my male peers (retail managers) were having relationships with younger employees, I decided to too. I’m a modern woman, and cougars were like definitely a thing by then. I started hooking up with a very hot, barely legal (but also very legal), sales associate.

Next, in a few months time my sister moved to Seattle and my parents moved back to Washington state. They moved me into my own apartment on Warm Springs and back home to Richland in the same weekend. Finally I was a modern woman living in Las Vegas, with her lifelong companion cat (i.e., cat I picked out when I was 6 years old) Beauty, making it happen.

Just kidding, I got pregnant.

—

Getting pregnant a second time was a complete shock. And by that I mean, I thought it was impossible. As in, not even within the realm of possibility.

I’d been having some lady troubles for sometime and since my sister had had Exorcist level kidney stone problems I went to the doctor right away for fear. The doctor confirmed what I had known since I was 19. Well, almost. She said it appeared that my symptoms might be an indication that I was infertile. Twenty-four year old me: duh. But they still had to run the tests.

Getting pregnant brought intricate complexity and mind-numbing simplicity to my life. Having to tell the parents of my 18 year old (now boyfriend, ugh) that I was pregnant was terrifying. Having to tell my parents, worse.

No more changing the world.

No more Argentina.

No more writing.

No more freedom.

I had just fast tracked my path to wife and mother by being a “modern woman” making things happen.

No more infertility, what the hell?

And since this was clearly a miracle baby, getting rid of her never once entered my mind. This was obviously a baby Jesus type situation.

We moved from Vegas to Kansas City with his family. To say it politely, my parents weren’t pleased by my condition and the distance did us both a lot of good (I told myself). His family, on the other hand, were very happy and excited by the baby’s coming. At least they always gave the very genuine appearance of being so. I was less excited.

Actually I was the most depressed I’d been in my life at that point. I knew my body was a hostile place to fetuses so what the heck!?

I absolutely could not imagine the whole exit strategy of my situation. Instead I imagined death.

I took lots of time to myself and wrote pages and pages of tear-stained journals I can’t bear to read now. I slept as much as I could. I was mourning my death while I was still alive, growing a life inside of me.

Also I had to get rid of my cat, what the fuck.

—

I knew I was never meant to be anyone’s mother and so I was positive I would carry this baby to term and die during labor, and she would be cared for by this warm and loving family. And I would die young like I’d always predicted. Well, youngish.

My OBGYN became worried by my morbid questions about death rates.

I refused to have a baby shower or anything resembling a baby shower because I couldn’t imagine celebrating the event that was going to kill me.

My lamaze class teacher asked me stop asking questions about worst case scenarios because I was scaring the other mothers.

—

Working in retail brought about what I felt to be appropriate levels of shame and self-hatred.

Strangers, assuming me to be much younger than I was, made completely hideous comments about me and my baby, and my education (lol, right). I was constantly touched and given advice by strangers, interrogated regularly.

My retail district was close to a particularly violent one regarding shoplifters. Other managers in my store had been maced or stabbed with the tools shoplifters brought into stores to break off the security tags. One day I found the equivalent of a shiv in the front room of my store and went into the stockroom and had a complete mental and emotional break down imagining approaching the wrong customer just one time.

I felt I deserved this, though it enraged me. This was my penance.

My hormones surged. I snuck as many drinks of wine at family dinners as I could. (Sorry baby, but red wine is delicious). I had nightmares about delivering babies with heads shaped like deflated basketballs, or delivering piles of bloody guts. I obsessed over my single friends awesome lives (aka highlight reels) on Facebook.

It made me bitter that I had to die. I became resentful of my baby’s father, even though he tried his best with me. He wanted to marry me and have more kids, be a dad. I knew she’d be okay. Hopefully he’d marry someone who wasn’t anything like me or that evil stepmom bitch in Cinderella.

I’d end up letting him name her. I chose her middle name, Violet.

—

It began one Sunday night, after a large steak dinner (with red wine) at his parents. I kept feeling like I had to poop really bad every twenty minutes. It was so bad that I couldn’t sleep. By 1am I was on the toilet trying to push steak out and when I saw drops of blood, I freaked out. IT’S TIME! I screamed.

He sprung into action. What do we bring? Spoiler alert, I hadn’t even packed a “go” bag because I never planned on coming back.

We listened to Jason Mraz on the short drive to the hospital. God, this is the last song I’m ever going to hear. I focused on the words and tried to clear my mind of pushing all of my guts out.

When we got to the hospital, they did some tests and I wasn’t far enough along. Maybe this is a fake out, and I can go home and go to bed. No, the nurse told me, you’ll progress it just takes a little time.

Another nurse came in and did a quick ultrasound to see the baby’s position. Her tone worried me, looks like this one’s a breach baby. You’ll have to adjust your birthing plan. Just knock me out, I sighed. Oh oops, those are the baby’s shoulders. I thought it was her butt. She was low and engaged, and I was fine. That fucking nurse.

So he walked me around the hospital corridors while I had the worst cramps of my life. I tried not to cry.

This is how it ends, me alone in the hospital, out in the midwest, without any of my friends or family, with this kid, and this other kid inside me.

Around 4am I finally reached a point where I could get pain meds and this other drug that would help my labor progress while I was medicated, but first they had to break my water. I was terrified of any more pain. They showed me what looked like a knitting needle that they’d insert to break the membrane. The nurse assured me, her name was Bridget by the way, that it was painless. I sobbed. Couldn’t they just knock me out. My knees clamped shut and I couldn’t keep from trembling.

But it was painless and suddenly I was sitting in a puddle of what just felt like warm pee. That was it, water broken. I felt like an idiot. The drugs came quickly after that and by 5am I had progressed to the point that I could get the one thing that was keeping me going through this whole ordeal: an epidural.

The anesthesiologist came in and sat me perpendicular to the gurney. He told me to sit still because he was putting a needle the length of a ruler down my spine. But the painkillers really got to me and I had to crack jokes about how the only thing separating my naked body from the doctors and nurses in that room was a piece of paper gown. My boyfriend looked white. I was already stoned.

Afterward, I was finally comfortable, and I drifted off to sleep quickly. Bridget came in once an hour on the hour and put her whole hand in my vagina to see how far down the head was. I didn’t like being woken up but I couldn’t really feel anything and Bridget was my best friend at that point.

Around 10:45am things picked up. My baby’s dad was downstairs eating breakfast with his family when Bridget told me I’d need to call him, I was almost at 10 centimeters. He came back with his mom and Bridget told me now when I felt the urge to push to do it.

I didn’t want to poop on the table and I couldn’t get up to like clear things out before I labored a baby so I gave some weak ass pushes. Bridget could tell.

I gave one hard push and she exclaimed, JUST LIKE THAT! But I saw his face and I knew I had pooped. The shame. But again, I was stoned so meh.

Strangely I had turned down the floor length mirror at the foot of the bed because I didn’t want to see myself die, but if the end was coming I really didn’t want to see it.

“Bridget can you take off your glasses? With the lights and everything I can see my vagina and I really just can’t right now.”

She did.

With his mom video recording the monumental eruption and destruction of my vagina, my first child was born at 11:25 am. The doctor, I don’t know when she showed up (?), put the blue, guts covered baby on my chest.

She was out. I had tried not to picture her before because I never wanted to let myself go down that road in my mind.

I looked at her. She looked at me. She was gross. But she was an alive thing with eyes who looked at me. She looked like she’d been freezing (she was blue) in bloody Cream of Wheat. Also she had pooped in utero and that was everywhere, super great.

I had nothing profound to say, so I said, “Oh my god, a baby.”

Then they whisked her away to clean her up and do all the baby tests. Everyone else left too.

My body got overtaken with waves of pregnancy hormones coursing through me while I delivered the placenta and my whole body convulsed as the pregnancy hormones left me. NO, I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THE PLACENTA. Jesus.

The doctor began to clean up the volcanic eruption where my lower lady parts used to live. I knew I had felt a slight burning sensation during the birth, but I didn’t know it was a tear. I simply thought it was the slight onset of death.

It didn’t make sense to me that I was alive.

I had no plan for this. I didn’t even bring a nightgown.

Now what?

—

As of the time of my pregnancy, I can’t recall seeing any birth or pregnancy narratives that highlighted feelings like fear, depression, or general reservations without framing them them as fleeting blue aspects of an otherwise golden soft lit scenario. That’s not real life. I’m sharing my story, because even though I was certainly depressed, I don’t know that my feelings of doubt at the sudden onset of potential motherhood are all that uncommon.

When I share my true feelings and experience with friends, I often hear that other women are relieved by my candor. Dutiful, knowing mother is a trope to which I do not subscribe, and frankly, doesn’t reflect my experience at all. So I’m offering my story as just one against the many almost romantic Disney-esque birth and pregnancy stories. My daughter and I did not live happily ever after, and our relationship, just like any other, is one that has required hard work and patience (a lot of patience) but we’re both better for it.

This story originally appeared on Medium, April 3, 2016.

[misguidedsims]

“sink” chatter & replies

hey, hey. 

so i’m not sure if i’m too tired to attempt loading the queue for tomorrow. i think i probably am -- it was crazy hot today and it zapped all my strength. in any case, there’s some lazy-man’s replies under the cut. 

(here have this outtake of briar and desi that never happened bc i’m the worst person ever and briar’s dead) 

i wanted to say a couple of things about sink first though. i meant to when i started gen 3, and i’ll probably go back and edit the “cover” image post to include some general info/trigger warnings at some point. but my organizational skills are horrible lately, so... here goes.

while this is a continuation of the pope legacy, i obviously am doing things a bit differently than i was before. this is mainly because it got too character heavy for me to keep up, so i needed to limit the perspective/pov when i was posting things. this will allow me to condense how i tell the story (so the gen doesn’t go on for years like gen 2), without dropping all the characters. i also am trying to improve my pacing, so that things are happening more. i feel like that’s my biggest weakness in writing. so hopefully i get better at that! 

now some important things to note about sink in terms of things changing... 

as everyone knows, tumblr has implemented it’s own censuring tools. a lot of sims 4 posts get marked (and obvs everything rn) as nsfw even when it isn’t. my blog is no different. i do go through a request review, but the process is slow. so if you’re under 18, just know that i do my best to keep up with that but i’m sorry. 

that being said -- a lot more of my posts are actually going to be nsfw this gen. 

because my teens will be tackling some heavy topics. i’m just going to tell you there will be some serious trigger warnings 

[[ HEY -- SPOILERS LAY AHEAD ]] including eating disorders, teen sex, teens talking about sex, so many sex references listen... i think sex is all these guys plan to talk about i’m srs, teen pregnancy, suicidal tendencies, mood disorders, violence, sexual preference bashing, bullying, drugs, alcohol, terrible parental units, possibly child abuse... those are the things that i know about. [[OKAY SPOILERS ARE BEHIND ]]

i will use trigger warnings and nsfw tags. i will also try to make a warning post the week or day (depending on how i load my queue) beforehand. 

but if any of this scares you... well... the best i can tell you is we’re not in kansas anymore. so if you don’t like oz, hey no hard feelings... i can’t keep doing the popes the way i was doing it before, it was making me yawn a little. i love you guys as my followers, but also i gotta like loading this queue or it’ll keep going dead so ^_^ 

hopefully, you enjoy what’s coming. i’m excited for it. thank you guys for reading, liking, following, commenting... all that! 

replies under the cut.

darkhunters13 replied to your photoset

I was hoping Desi would inherit the blonde hair but she is still so beautiful 

sweetchocolateysims

replied to your photoset

“when no one answers, chlesea pauses flipping pancakes to glance over...”

Did Desi make it??

yes! she looks like some kind of tiny super-model, idk what to do with myself honestly. she’s crazy adorable! 

sweetcocoberry replied to your photoset

LISTEN HERE! How could you... how could you bring these tears out of my body. These tears should never be outside this body.

nvaleee replied to your photoset

Why are you breaking my heart????

darkhunters13 replied to your photoset

I'm not crying, it's just raining. Inside my house

malyenoretsev replied to your photoset

HOW DARE YOU

darkhunters13 replied to your photoset

I'm crying

malyenoretsev replied to your photoset

How dare you though

pretty much all of sink is brand new eyes (plus every other sad paramore song ever) so... you know... prepare to die. i mean... it is called “sink” so... i kind of warned you??? 

sweetchocolateysims replied to your photoset

Getting a very OG Liam and Chelsea vibe and I'm loving it! Most definitely looking forward to see what happens to the two.

yes, this is very much so the case. when i planned grace, i knew she was a lot like chelsea. evan’s not a lot like liam though (well he is but... well you’ll see liam now and the liam you knew are so not the same, so). anyway! i’d buckle up, it’s gonna be a long ride lol

darkhunters13

replied to your photoset

“yeah? what kinds of things are important to you?” evan asked. he had...”

Dump him

about ashley & evan ... yeah. they get better, i think. but they get worse too. so, you know, you’re right. but ashley lacks the self-esteem and self-respect to heed that advice, so. yeah... she’s not gonna. unfortunately for all of you. and all these teens too, bc i think they’re all over ashlevan already. 

sweetchocolateysims

replied to your photoset

“dylan: “if you try to make my new life difficult, i will destroy you....”

Huh, well that kinda answers my question. But I'll ask anyway. Would Dylan ever kill the kids? Even his "daughter"?

you asked this forever ago, but hey! hi! i think dylan would do anything to protect himself (so yes, if he had to) and unless he has some serious character development that’s not likely to change. but, also, i love character development. so maybe it will get better. but also, allison -- sadly bc she’s gorgeous and her storyline is awesome -- does not  have a huge role in my outline rn for “sink” so... probably we won’t find out.

simpyre replied to your photoset

no, seriously. wtf. bringing Akira back to their place? you WANTED to get caught, didn't you?

ugh. i had an entire side story for akira and like his criminal adventures but i just don’t think i have the time. to my eternal disappointment. also, there was a whole scene i cut out (i cut out a whole lot of ronan and reese scenes in gen 2 bc there was too much else to tell, sadly) of ronan’s where akira shows up there to say goodbye to him bc he’s leaving town. and that’s why he was at the apt. but also, yes, ronan wanted to blow up his relationship. that is also true.

i’m sure there were many things i didn’t reply to. but this was mostly bc by this point i think events have replied for me. i’m always saying i’ll get better about replies, so i just won’t even lie to myself! i’ll try! do know i always read your replies though and love them. so much.

#darkhunters13 #misguided replies #sweetchocolateysims #sweetcocoberry #nvaleee #malyenoretsev #simpyre #extra long post #misguided spoilers #misguided talks #legacy break