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#ok whoops caps lock but yes
castle-dominion · 5 months
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castle 7x7 Once Upon a Time in the West
the western episode liveblog
Lucky me I spent like 2.5 hours working on a supper that says it should take 35 mins bc I needed to make more for my uncle & I decided to take it slow instead of speeding thru at kitchen pace & also my finger has a hole slashed on it & honestly supper is still cooking in some ways.
Anyway liveblog time
All this medical jargon. At least we get the witnesses name right away.
Diamondback? *Immediately has a seizure*
Why clink glass when everyone is already there?
Brevity is the soul of wit (clipping) We got married! Their faces so good. The slow fall of javi's into a sneer/frown, lanie's fall into sad & slightly more open rather than just a smile, kevin's look between the two & blink JE: You guys suck. KR: What – why did you do that? LP: Hold – hold up. No, no, no, no, no.
they all just *turn* to look at martha Right drink ok
LP: Hold this (hold my beer) LP: I am your maid of honor. I haven’t had a carb in months, just in case I had to put that damn dress back on. KB: And you look great. LP: Save the flattery. Kate, you owe me dinner. I’m picking the restaurant and we’re ordering all the desserts. KB: (meekly) Okay. (I like how she's mad, says her piece, gets her apology dinner agreed to, & then forgives her & hugs her.)
*Lanie punches rick just a little bit* Guys! *dark strings that go just a little lower in anger* (clipping)
WE didn't get that call. Once again, not invited. & hey when I was a kid I made a skit on the Nativity of Christ by myself & when Mary & Joseph got married I didn't think of "I do" as the marriage, I didn't think of rings, I didn't think of vows, I thought of dancing. My stuffed animal that was Joseph & I (playing Mary) spun in circles together while I sang. To me, a wedding is about dancing. What I mean by this is: the reception is more important than actually getting married so don't worry u didn't miss a thing
RC: Could have been worse KB: It still might be. I mean, who knows what they’re doing to our place right now.
RC: Our place. Our. We’re married. We’re married. (he grabs her arm and links it with his) We did it, Mrs. Castle. KB: We certainly did, Mr. Beckett. RC: WAIT UNLESS THAT ADDS ANOTHER NAME TO HIS NAMES. Richard Alexander Edgar Rodgers Castle Beckett.
Why an island getaway if he's afraid of the ocean?
She looks good btw, nice hair. HOLY CRAP THAT HOSPITAL EMPLOYEE WEARING A JACKET OVER HER SCRUBS, i THOUGHT WAS A DOCTOR COVERED IN BLOOD & SHE WAS JUST CHATTING CASUALLY OUTSIDE AN OPERATING ROOM.
aT LEAST HE'S TRYING TO BE POSITIVE ABOUT MURDERS NOT MAI TAIS. whoops i didnt' realize caps lock was on. Also it is hard to type when I have a possible tendon injury in my finger
KB: And she believed she was a victim of foul play? Yay murder victim helping ppl know that they ARE a murder victim before they die! Dr: Yes, and so do I. Heart medicine? cardiac arrest? wait WHY is it lethal when unrefined? It is the same drug, just has other stuff near it like... fibre & calories & water from the plant... Unless the drug is actually altered on a chemical level... idrk. But yeah foxglove is medicinal & toxic. Why would the doctor want the detectives to do that? idk. Doesn't matter. All good.
Dagmar. (love-- I forget what I was writing, it's been a week or several. Oh wait maybe I was saying that I love people who sponsor disadvantaged children.)
Her mom only passed this recently? Oh & ew internship.
utter, whittle, such good diction *looks at him* Castle would be really smart abt this tho, he would give two smart answers, & then he'd say "third while you thought I was playing on my phone I found out it was a ranch in arizona"
but what's a "dude" ranch? XD esposito & castle XD they're still mad legit just tosses them his wallet XD
Sus (short, last minute, only 3 days) Beckett just does the time zone math in her head!? & according to sito the snake key is her bunkhouse key... "cowboy activities" so gay sex /j but also lol define cowboy activities, shovelling poop & breaking down your cattle into quarters for sale? she left her stuff OR she didn't bring it back with her bc she was in such a hurry
lol big boy & it hits him in the forehead
Video calls, ah yes. It's about the economy of the town, keeping people employed. Or yeah no it's personal. Love the set design too btw
Gates is pretty Sito shup. GATES OMG "I’m sure it was Mr. Castle’s fault." GATES OMG
RC: Well, look at this place. I mean, it’s got beautiful skies, wide open spaces, the thrill of the old west? (she’s still confused) What better place for an impromptu honeymoon? (her jaw drops) For the investigation, of course. We could jump on a plane and be there in a few hours. *right in front of gates* KB: No, Castle. We are not having a honeymoon at a dude ranch! ("a" honeymoon) Arguing so good RC: Well – it could be our cover story. We’re a newlywed couple with a hankering for the wild frontier, right? And look, Beckett. I know you want to see justice brought to this young woman’s killer. And … this … this is the only way. VG: I hate to say this, but your husband may be right. KB: *turns to look at her bc 1- why r u defending him, & 2- why are YOU defending HIM?* rysposito shared communication (Yeehaw) fricking love it. So excited for this ep.
(btw, I must have started this liveblog on the 27th; it is now oct 10, so you can see how busy my life is) clipping the fun intro but that horse whinney is the typical stock audio
Wow pretty people
Castle already looks kinda normal.
RC: Best honeymoon ever.
*Right out of the stagecoach KB steps into a pile of horse poop. She cringes.*
Love his outfit!!
James Grady. That's like James Jim Brady who disappeared mysteriously with Absolom Abbie Halkett. Love the language they use 'round here btw. Red bandannas is a good marker for the hands I think.
Aww upgraded them! Oh wait she was emailing about the fact that she was in room 14, the snake key wasn't relevant
JG: That’s my missus. Like yours, she runs the show here.
Castle speaking reminds me of firefly.
She's soo pretty
RC: Whoa. This is like, three fantasies coming true all at one. Only thing missing is … Gentlemen James, where do we get the replica guns? (he gestures shooting) Like yours. JG: Replica? Son, this is Arizona. It’s open carry.
Colt 45 babes
RC: (awed) I want to be him when I grow up. KB: (shrugs) Well yeah, if you grow up. JG: It’s all about practice, which you can do with one of our firearms, available for purchase at our gift shop. They just sell guns at gift shops in arizona? what!?!?
you mean ESPOSITO was wrong abt it being her bunk key.
RC: Are you looking for disinfectant? KB: Clues. Remember? Whitney was staying here. except she was NOT... this was not her room key.
whether we like it or not (big bro said aww)
He opens a door that turns out to be to the bathroom. But the bathroom isn’t empty. Tobias: Howdy, partner. RC shuts the door and turns back to KB. RC: I don’t know if it comes with the room, but there’s a naked cowboy shaving in our bathroom. This scene killed me. Just closes the door back on him. Tobias: Well, I guess when they found out that me and her both enjoyed chasing cowboys they figured what the heck. VERY authentic Tobias: I like my coffee like I like my men: strong, black, and bitter.
Tea (scandalbroth) (big bro loves this, he says "I love this faggot")
Of course they have a gay gossip at the cowboy honeymoon retreat. KB: So we procrastinate and make stuff up?
Well because you're more physically capable of hogtying beckett, you're the angry cop with training, he's the physically big writer who fences. But he gave you gunslinging!
they're allowed their phones?
Looove the outfits btw but I'm not taking a pic rn I have no time & don't have em standing beside each other.
KB: Hey Ryan, how’s it going? KR: Oh, wonderful. In fact, we were just discussing your nuptials. JE: Not the actual event, since neither of us were there. KB: Guys, is this really why you’re calling? KR: Partly, yes. JE: And we have news. Here’s the good: MTA cameras show that Whitney’s bags were left on the subway. KR: Here’s the bad news: they were stolen by a homeless man. But we put out a BOLO. Hopefully somebody will recognize him.
Wax covered cardboard? I thought that was like a broccoli case
She can tie up castle like how the bear tying class unus annus did tied up mark
Look at her nice & red dress
RC: I’ll take a coffin varnish. Bartender (who looks kinda cool ig): Some what? RC: You know, a gut warmer. Face burner. Nose paint? Cowboy cocktail? (the BARTENDER looks at him blankly) What do you all call whiskey here? Bartender: Whiskey RC: *flails his hand*
my man has an eyepatch wait XD keep an eye out! Castle!
Ollie: This isn’t a ring. It’s a noose.
Oh the bells are the signal for the ace up the sleeve thing & time for the gunfight.
Whitney did! *doesn't talk to whitney bc she dead* Ollie! Up high! Good on Castle for faking it with Ollie & Ollie for playing along so they can have their fight in private. Great dynamic. But the interruption made them both chill out a bit more.
Ranch key! *lock breaks*
Nice blowtorch but where the heck is it?
Dynamite IS covered in waxed paper but I thought of broccoli lol
Oh no we are going to receive some good old fashioned racism. My fnmi ass sitting over here waiting tensely 1876 babey!
CLIPPING RYAN ESPOSITO XD XD castle could have totally greased a palm for a truck.
15 miles on horseback? 4mph, that's 3 & a half hours or so bought himself a gun lol. I mean hey I'm anti gun but I love a sixshot. wait his& hers wedding gift guns? lmao that's great! But how will they get them back home?
love the fire there. If they're at a canter the entire way they could get there in 1h but thet ain't happening.
Yavapai dude: Seriously? You’re rolling up to the reservation dressed like extras from a Gene Autry movie? That’s some real cultural insensitivity. KB: Sorry. Sir, we didn’t mean any offense. We’re – we’re vacationing at Diamondback. YD: Yeah, I figured that. I was just messing with you folks. Relax.
Loooove languages. I watch murdoch mysteries & a lot of the languages are algonquian which means that since I know a bit of cree I can sometimes parse what they mean but these are words farther south. I don't know em.
KB: Yeah. I mean, the historical society, the Yavapai word, the dynamite. How does all of that add up to someone poisoning Whitney? It just doesn’t make sense.
He DID learn smth at the harmonica class!!! Cruising down the river? Let me call you sweetheart I'm in love with you? Magical, drinking champagne out of tin cups. Which one of them knew how to start a fire. *stripping* *there's a snake* *beckett fucking shoots it!?!?* *ryan & esposito run*
ryan & esposito look good now but esposito was different yesterday
the peacock boys?
first name Javi Castle stuttering
right, always the barkeep even if there was no mistranslation it would still happen just from english to english
the dam!
RC: Of course I want to go after the gold! It’s gold! he's done treasure hunts with her before uwu
Slim's a girl! Clyde is whitney's father!
Mm music! fake eagle (red tailed hawk) sound effect them thar hills
He told her to go first but he's first in... RC: Because it’s still here. For over a century, fifty ingots of pure gold have been trapped in this cold, dark tomb, waiting patiently to be rescued. (he kneels by the trunk) You hear that, Beckett? You hear them calling?
That's not gold!
That's blunt force trauma!
Pd? phillip dagmar? I thought it was Police Department typical cops "it DOES make u look guilty"
Bro said "it's them" bc the sheffir didn't want beckett to investigate in the first place but now daisy mae & the sherrif are taking beckett one way & james grady is taking castle alone the other way...
& I suddenly remember the rest of the episode, big bro is not far off.
Clyde "just fell" (& you cradled him as he died which is why YOUR shirt was bloody) Who was your other partner? Cut to: big bro's prediction
The slight pushzoom there...
*got his gun* it would be fun if the barkeep just shoots him (-big bro) But his gun ould have the safety on, but possibly a bullet in the chamber.
oh the barkeep IS there! *just ducks down a bit*
"residance in the bone ortchard" or castle you COULD sit down & have another drink & pretend you didn't hear the call from ryan & let jimmy get away (& then go after him later)
of cour'se it's a deus ex machina
RC: good thing I married the fastest gun from the east
Ooh beckett's corset tho it's a bit tight but still nice.
they like to bitch ig but it is not even GOOD bitching sometimes. kind of annoying. & "we're the reason they fell in love in the first place" where's your justification there? When you were complaining TO THEM it was FUN! now it is not in the fun way it's just bitchy & salty.
JE: Nah, nah. You know what really gets me? Is that they only invited immediate family. What, we’re not family? KR: More like poor relations. VG hangs back and listens to them talk. KR: And we’re probably the reason they fell in love in the first place. JE: Right? VG: You know, I’ve been listening to your bellyaching for the last few days. And I have to ask, *calm voice* VG, still calm voice: what the hell’s wrong with you two? (the way she says it is so good but she's also right) JE: Come on, sir. It doesn’t bother you? VG: You really want to know what I think, Detectives? *Ryan goes to say something. Maybe. He moves his mouth.* VG: I think that the two of you should stop whining like two little schoolgirls who weren’t invited to the dance and be happy that your friends, you very dear friends, have found a way to make it work. Especially after all the hell those two have been through. Now, that’s what I think. She gives them a pointed look. They’re chastised. KR: Well, when you put it that way … JE: Yeah, I mean, I guess in some opinions we have been kind of jerks about it, so … KR: Right. VG: Yeah. You have. But, if you’re interested there might be something you can do to make it up to them. She smiles. They’re skeptical. *Looks to esposito for a sec*
"you didn't invite us to your wedding" "Yeah well I named horses after you"
she lassooed him with her hog tying skills!
supposed to be a wedding dress; is a stripper dress *walking to her tied up* two vacation days is not a lot but four is a lot.
They get two honeymoons!
Well now, that was fun! & I did spend a bit over an hour & a half... esp when you consider I already watched some earlier but shush I had fun & this is a rare occurrance these days with how demanding school has been. Man trade school is a lot of work.
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galadhremmin · 3 years
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Anyway Finrod related thought 543334 or so.
Leithian is about release from so many types of bondage; it is also release from the bond of Finrod's Doom. He doesn't evade it entirely; he does die. But he goes willingly, and not for his own sake-- and there is no 'to evil ends' for him. His grave is green and he walks with Finarfin in Valinor after.
I don't think such a quick rebirth is indicated for any of the other Exiles, certainly not for someone like Fingon.
Finrod's throwing down his crown also feels significant, in the light of his motivation for leaving being in part that he wanted lands of his own to rule.
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yelenaswift · 3 years
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Loki 1x05 thoughts, questions, and reactions
haven’t done one of these in a while whoops
better late than never right?
“we’re his lunch” excuse me?
Sylvie takes no shit love her
a void at the end of time?
so are all the possible endgame endings there?
i would NOT trust her but ok sylvie u do u boo
“so i can ask several thousand questions” LMFAOO
Yeah what og loki said wtf is going on
the alligator is a loki too i am crying
teen loki i love u
HE KILLED THOR I-
the way that i literally just typed that i loved him
y’all should’ve seen the way my jaw just dropped
i knew she shouldn’t have trusted Ravonna
“tell everyone to piss off” why did i laugh
“do you have any good memories” hey ravonna ur a bitch
oh my god-
did she just-
sylvie babe i trust u but how smart was that
conquered cap AND iron man ?
ALL SIX INFINITY STONES?
this alligator is FUNNY
classic loki willingly hid himself away? that’s so sad
teen/kid loki drinking a juice box HAHAH
loki is insane i love him
don’t worry loki i don’t think ur idea is stupid i wouldn’t laugh
THERES MORE!
this whole episode feels like that one spider-man meme yall know the one
MOBIUS IS BACK
the lokis betraying each other i cannot
THE ALLIGATOR IS MY FAVORITE
like he had no right being so FUNNY
the storm definitely hasn’t gotten him dw bestie
“what go back to the angry cloud?”
“he’s praying he thinks we’re going to die” once again this alligator is one funny mf
CAR!
“Us as a child, us in the future, and us as an alligator”
i really want a short of just the alligators timeline
let her enchant it
yeah why is B-15 locked in there
free my girl she ain’t do nothing wrong
“you only want it she needs it” chills
“he is green isn’t he?” stop-
conjure her a new fit loki
awe the blanket
“is it a table cloth”
that’s not who he is anymore
figure it out together awe
get it loki variant avengers ! plus mobius !
“you go i go”
i can feel the episode about to end
“burn it to the ground.” YES
the bro hug
“THANK YOU MY FRIEND” PLS
is classic loki gonna come back?
that’s the dramatic, “they need my help” look
loki don’t you dare.
this mf.
CLASSIC LOKI BESTIE
i have goosebumps all over
omgomgomgomgomg
GLORIOUS PURPOSE
holy shit they did it
ok now the ep is abt to end
NO POST CREDIT SCENE
i am so shook.
usually i have theories but rn i have zero so pls lmk yours
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sophiawithstars · 4 years
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OMG OK SO LIKE LOVER OF MINE AND BEST YEARS ARETOP TIER BUT ALSO TEETH IS SO SEXY 😼 AND THEN THERES TALK FAST LITERALLY SO SCRUMPITOUS !! BUT ALSO IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK BCUZ WHEN THEY SAID "UR A QUEEN BUT UNCROWNED" LIKE IM GOING TO COMBUST PLS 😹 OUTERSPACE MAKES ME ASDJFHLDJS WHO ALLOWED THEM TO CREATE THAT MASTERPIECE?? CLOSE AS STRANGERS PROVIDES SO MUCH PAIN AND SEROTONIN AT THE SAME TIME LIKE PERIOD SIS GIVE US EVERYTHING !! AMNESIA ALSO BCUZ CALUM
AKSJDKSK LOVER OF MINE AND BEST YEARS JUST UGH THOSE SONGS ARE BOTH FULL COURSE MEALS KDJLSJS YES YES YES !! ALSO TALK FAST IS SUCH A PERFECT LIKE SUMMER ROMANCE SONG I LOVE IT IMMACULATE OMG 😌😌 I THINK AT FIRST I DIDN'T LIKE IF WALLS COULD TALK BUT NOW I LOVE IT AKDJDKS IT'S JUST LIKE THE WORD SEXC BUT A SONG CHEF'S KISS MWAH ASKDJKS ALSO THAT LYRIC HITS SO DIFF OMG 😻 OK STORYTIME also i should turn off caps lock WHOOPS when i went to india last summer i listened to outer space and airplanes and just sgfg in general the whole flight and it was amazing. incredible. spectacular. so basically if you ever go on a flight (prob not anytime soon cuz of miss rona ugh) ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT listen to sgfg???!!!! they rlly sat down to write sgfg and asked themselves how they can make us sob the hardest and that's how outer space was created KDJKS,,, close as strangers. the emotions i feel listening to that song like,,, next level shit omg 😳🙈 AND AMNESIA YES AKKDKDS calum hood. i don't need to elaborate just calum hood. 😃
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hjazysol · 5 years
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A Day at the Beach Pt.2
Agent 3: Progress report.
Sasha: It's in code 3 I can't make it out.
Agent 3: You higher Inkling.
Specs: Hmmm?
Agent 3: Can? You? Read?
Specs: No. Spike can though. Spike.
-Sasha taps at the words on the crate impatiently Spike starts using sign language-
Specs: Ship to *gasp*
Agent 3: Out with it man!
Specs: A BEACH!
Agent 3: A BEACH! That ain't gonna fly. Trixxsy.
Trixxsy: On it.
-she pulls a paper clip from her cap and opens lock. Agent 3, Specs, Trixxsy, Spike, Sasha and Trixx make their way to the main control area and take out the captain-
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Incineroar: I was the star in the greatest place on Earth. A KING! Loved by the people!
Blue: Ok guys let's keep it civil okay.
Incineroar: AND YOU RUINED EVERYTHING! *runs into Charizard's box*
Charizard: If everyone loved you. They clearly don't know the real YOU! *Crashes into Incineroar's box*
Cami: Don't make me come up there I'll get the whooping on both o'ya'll.
Incineroar: I thought I knew the real YOU! Is that what a real friend does. Cancel everyone out.
Sonic covering his head cause he's afraid to fall in the water: Stop it, Stop it, Stop it!
Blue: Your not helping the situation.
-Incineroar knocks Charizard's box off of the holding area-
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Agent 3: Status.
Trixx: It's no good 3 I don't know the code.
Agent 3 slapping him: I don't want excuses Trixx I want results! Navigation!
-Specs shrugs his shoulders as he can't figure them out-
Agent 3: Alright let me think. AND SHUT HIM UP!
-Spike knocks him out-
Trixx: I did it!
Agent 3: Yes! Let's turn this tin can around!
-Trixxsy spins the wheel-
Sasha: We're too late land is just up ahead!
Agent 3: Darn. Brace for impact cause we're gonna crash.
-All the guys' boxes come lose and fall into the ocean below them-
Incineroar: Guys. Cami, Sonic, Blue, Charizard!
Charizard from a distance: Incineroar!
Incineroar: Charizard!
Charizard: Incineroar!
Incineroar: Charizard! No. Wait! Come back Charizard! Don't go.
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i-fan-misha-do-you · 7 years
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Just A Girl in Arkham (Jerome x reader) Part 3
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  Word Count: 2598 Warnings: electroshock therapy, voices, hallucinating, blood and bruises A/N: hey guys! So this is part three, probably like two more parts, at least, maybe more, just depends. Sorry this took so long to get up, it’s a little longer than the others, so I don’t think anyone is gonna complain. Enjoy!  Your body shook as electricity coursed through it. Biting down hard on the piece of leather in your mouth, you tried to stifle a scream.   “Turn the voltage up two percent.” Someone instructed. You shook your head frantically as you heard those awful words.  “No, no!” You tried to speak, but found you couldn’t as the shocks started up again, even more painful this time. You didn’t notice it, but your body had gone from shaking to convulsing. You grit your teeth as the ‘treatment’ came to an end. Some treatment. They actually thought sending electricity through your brain could somehow ‘shock’ you back to sanity.  Someone removed the leather from your mouth, and you attempted to bite who ever’s hand it was. You received a sharp blow to the cheek for this, but you only smirked. You didn’t fight as your body was unstrapped from the table, pulled off, and roughly held upright. Looking down at your arms you could see large blotches of purple and blue forming at your wrists, forearms, and biceps. Small cuts were bleeding openly around the edges of the bruises where you’d pulled against the straps that held you down.  Three large men held you up as two more came at you with a straightjacket. You whimpered slightly as they harshly strapped you into the restrictive material, not minding your injuries. The moment they were done, pills were shoved into your mouth, and a muzzle was strapped around your face, effectively stopping you from spitting out the medicine.  You glared at the guards and doctors in front of you, letting out a growl when one of the nurses came towards you with a syringe. She jumped slightly, but continued trying to administer whatever drug was in the needle.  You didn’t remember when the guards had let you go, but they had. They must have thought you were to incapacitated to fight back.  ‘Stupid.’ You thought to yourself. You let the nurse come closer until she was right next to you. She had barley pressed the needle to your neck when you ducked and connected your head with her stomach. She let out a pained sound before falling back and crumpling to the floor.   ‘Poor thing.’ You thought sarcastically as multiple guards grabbed you and forced you to the ground. You felt the cold metal of the needle on your neck, then the sharp sting that came with being injected with medicine. You winced as you felt the needle slid out of your skin. The next thing you knew, you were being hauled off of the floor. Your vision was fuzzy, and you couldn’t feel your legs. This must have been expected, because a wheelchair was brought into the room a moment later.  After being strapped in, the guards transported you down multiple halls to your solitary cell. Once you arrived at the large metal door, two men unstrapped you as another opened it. You were shoved inside very unceremoniously.  As you fell face first to the ground, you heard the door slam shut behind you; lock clicking into place, and deadbolt sliding across the door. You immediately drug your head against the floor, rubbing and straining until the strap on the muzzle loosened. A few minutes later, and it was off completely.  You spit out the pills with a disgusted look on your face before falling back onto the floor. You rolled over and let out an annoyed sigh. You were utterly bored. And crazy sore. It was always the same. Wake up, be in the cell. Get taken to therapy, come back to the cell. Food in between. Not even decent food. You slowly sat up and looked around your cell. It was one of those cells you’d see in a movie; white padded everything.  ‘Too white,’ you decided.  “Oh, yep. Definitely too white. It would be tons better with color…maybe red?”  Your head swung around, trying to find where the voice had come from. Your eyes widened and a grin formed on your face once you realized what was going on.  “Your back.” You stated rather than asked.  “Yes, we are.” A different voice answered. Though you knew you wouldn’t see anything, you still looked around the room.  “Since when?” You asked as you moved over to the small mat that served as a bed.  “Since you decided to stop taking the little green pills.” Yet another voice answered you.  ‘Well, I won’t be bored.’ You thought.  “Oh, no. You won’t.” Another voice assured. The smile never left your face. This was gonna be great.
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 “Jerome, come here, please.” Jerome appeared a moment later, coming through the large double doors on the far side of the room.  “Yes, Mr. Galavan.” He answered as his eyes landed on Theo’s figure. He was sitting on one of the couches that stood in the middle of the area, holding a file. Theo motioned for Jerome to sit down, which he did, jumping onto the couch opposite Theo, sitting Indian style.  “Well, I’ve talked to Tabitha, and she says that Y/n was one of the original candidates for this group. Before she, you know- “  “Killed four guys and got locked up in solitary?” Jerome finished, grinning proudly.  “Four? I thought it was two…” Theo searched his papers before nodding. “Ah, ok. Four.” “So, can we get her out?” The ginger asked eagerly. “Well...” Theo started as Jerome looked at him expectantly. “She’s very dangerous, understand. She didn’t just kill her brother, she killed over half of the people in her apartment building, as well as about forty of her brother’s ex-girlfriends and lovers. In total, it was about ninety-six people.” Jeromes expression changed to one of admiration.  “Is that a yes?” He said, half begging. “I think we can manage that.” Theo said after a long stretch of silence. Jeromes face broke into a large smile.  “Woohoo!” He whooped, jumping up off the couch and spinning in a circle. “I’m getting my girl back!”  “Go get ready, Jerome.” Theo said sternly. “There’s a delicate process for this, it needs to go smoothly.”
  “Perfect!” Jerome saluted him before turning and dashing out of the room.
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 Jerome hid his face beneath his cap as he passed some guards in the hallway. He quickly made his was down to the lower levels, Barbra right behind him. They made it down to the solitary level without being seen. Finding your room was the next challenge. Jerome walked from door to door, checking the patient numbers. Seven rooms down, he found you. Patient number 6663. Barbra ran down the hall to find you a wheelchair as Jerome entered your cell.  Careful to be as quiet as he could, he unlocked the door to your room.
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 You’d already been to electro for the day, and now you were working on getting out of your straight jacket. Jerome walked over to you and undid the last latch.  “Thanks, J.” You said, sending him a wink.  “Anything for you dollface.” He replied, sitting down next to you.  “Find anything interesting?” You asked, laying back in his lap. He shook his head, pouting.  “Not a thing.” He said, running his fingers through your hair. You hummed in approval.   You sat up straight as you heard the door being unbolted. You looked at Jerome with fear in your eyes.   “You gotta go, J!” You said frantically. He shook his head.   “No, doll. I ain’t leaving ya.” He argued. You pushed him towards the door.   “Go, Jerome. Now!” You wrapped the straight jacket around yourself and turned to face the corner as the door opened. Looking back, you could see Jerome sneak out as a guard stepped in. He shined his flashlight around before leaving, locking the door behind him.
Guards P.O.V.
 “Nothin’, she’s talking to herself again.” He said into his radio. “I think ya need to up her dosage, though.” He said as he walked away.
Your P.O.V.
 About three hours after the guard came to check on you, Jerome came back. But, you were already having a conversation, so you ignored him. Which made him upset, so he went and sat by the door to pout.  “He looks so angry.” You laughed, pointing to Jerome’s hunched over figure.  “You’re right! He does!” Someone responded.  “He looked like a mad tomato.” Another said. Your expression changed from amused to deadly in a matter of seconds.   “Don’t call him a tomato!” You screamed, throwing the straight jacket towards the voice, forgetting you wouldn’t be able to hit them.  In the middle of your outburst the door opened. You didn’t notice, but Jerome did.  “Y/n!” He called out at the same time the guard did. You paused and turned slowly to face the door. Your eyes widened as you saw Jerome, dressed in a guards uniform, standing next to Jerome, who was wearing his asylum jumpsuit.   “No, no, no!” You said at a normal tone before it turned to screaming. You shook your head and backed into a corner. “Go away! Get out of here!” You continued to scream as you covered your ears with your hands, falling to the ground.
Jeromes P.O.V.
The smile fell off my face as Y/n began screaming at me. I watched in confusion as she backed into the corner, crying.  “Oh, baby, what did they do to you?” I whispered, horrified, as I caught a glance of her ‘therapy sheet’. Electroshock.  “Jerome, make him go away!” I heard her scream again. I rushed into the room, only to have her yell again upon seeing me.  “Jerome, that’s not you. I need him gone.” She said frantically. I was about to answer when I realized that she wasn’t talking to me, rather to the space next to me. She paused and listened for a moment before nodding her head. I watched as she cautiously walked up to me and touched my arm. It was a quick touch, almost like a tap, but it made her eyes widen in shock. Turning to the same space next to me, she began screaming again.   “You lied! You lied to me! Make him go away!” She ran behind the door and emerged with a straight jacket, one she’d obviously gotten out of. Before I could react, she threw it right past me, barely missing my face. It hit the wall, hard, and she smirked triumphantly, as if she’d just won a game. Her expression changed once she saw me again, and she quickly looked down.  “J, is that you?” She asked quietly, not looking at me.  “Yeah, baby. It’s me.” She shook her head no as if she didn’t believe me.  “Y/n,” I said, carefully touching her on the arm. She hissed in pain and pulled away. “Y/n, doll, what’s wrong? Show me, please.” I said softly. She reluctantly held out her arm so that I could roll up her sleeve.  I pushed away the material and inhaled sharply. Bruises littered her s/c arm delicately in the shape of thick cuffs, cuts outlining the bruises.   “May I?” I asked, gesturing to her skirt. She nodded once, and I knelt in front of her, pulling up her skirt. I covered my mouth in horror. Her legs were covered in bruises and blood, so much that I could hardly see her skin.  “Come here, baby.” I scooped her up in my arms.” I’m gonna get ya out of here.” She let out a shaky breath and clutched the front of my shirt as I carried her out into the corridor, where Barbra was waiting with a wheelchair and a disguise. I let her down and held her up gently while she got dressed.  “Hey, Y/n.” Barbra said softly, helping her put on the doctor’s uniform. Y/n gave her a slow smile as she finished before her legs suddenly gave out. I caught her easily and placed her in the chair, pushing it quickly to the back entrance. Barbra ran ahead to open the door so that it was open by the time I got Y/n there. We’d only passed two guards on our way out, and they hadn’t asked any questions.  I quickly lifted Y/n from the chair and rushed to the car that was waiting to take us back to the Galavans penthouse.
 Your P.O.V.
 You groaned as you rolled over, only just becoming aware of a massive headache. You sat up slowly and rubbed your head, wincing at the light that got past the curtains on the windows. Wait, windows. You didn’t have windows. Where were you? You opened your eyes and looked around. You didn’t recognize the room you were in.  “Where am I?” You wondered out loud as you sat up.  “Where do you think?” A voice answered. You blinked several times, looking around the room again.  “I don’t know,” you finally said,” but at least it’s not Arkham, right?”  “That’s true. It’s not Arkham. But now we’ve got another problem. Someone’s got us. All of us.” Another voice answered. “All of us?” You questioned.  “Yes, all of us. We go with you. Someone has you, they have us all.” A different voice explained.  “Great.” You muttered, falling back onto the bed.
Jeromes P.O.V.
 I was outside of Y/n’s door about to go check on her when I heard her talking.  “Where am I?” Her voice was muffled by the door, but I could still hear her. She paused for a moment before speaking again.   “I don’t know, but at least it’s not Arkham, right?” She paused for a short period before asking, “All of us?”  I listened in confusion, but the only thing I heard after that was her muttering ‘great’, and a small thump, indicating that she’d fallen back onto the bed.  I chose that moment to knock on the door lightly and walk into the room.   “Good morning, sugar.” I said, not even trying to keep the worry out of my voice. The moment she heard me, Y/n sat up and her eyes went wide.  “Jerome!” She cried out. She was about to get out of the bed, but I stopped her, instead climbing into the bed with and on top of her. I held myself up on my forearms, minding her injuries.   “Hi.” I breathed, my face inches from hers.   “Hi.” She giggled, wrapping her arms around my torso. I rolled to the side, placing my arms tightly but gently around her. I held her for a few moments before I had to ask.  “So, are they…ya know, back?” I asked. I could practically feel her roll her eyes.
Your P.O.V.
 You knew exactly what he was talking about. You’d told him when you’d first met him that you’d had voices talk to you. At least, before they made you take all those pills. Then they’d stopped.   “Yeah, they kept me from being lonely in solitary…” You trailed off when his grip around you tightened slightly, getting more protective.   “Anyways,” you said, changing the subject,” why am I here?”   “Aww, princess. I rescued you, of course.” Jerome said in a matter of fact tone.   “Of course, you did.” You snorted slightly before composing yourself. “No, really.” You looked up into his eyes, e/c meeting stormy blue.  Jerome grinned happily. “Because I didn’t wanna leave ya in Arkham all by yourself. Besides, I’ve got some friends I wanna introduce you to. You’re gonna love ‘em.”   “Only if they’re a bunch of maniacs.” You retorted. This made Jerome’s grin widen.   “You bet they are, babe.” He said, kissing the top of your head.   “A bunch of maniacs.”
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Series 2 Episode 3: Fight the World You’re In (and other stories)
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As I mentioned in the recap of the first episode of this serial, I’m going to be sticking to episode three as broadcast, unless watching the reconstructed episodes three and four throws up any gems OR INDEED SCENES THAT ARE CRUCIAL TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE ENTIRE SHOW, in which case I’ll mention it. Otherwise I’m not going to bother summarising cut scenes, as many of them are boring as hell and have no giant plugholes in them. Also, you should be warned that there is a LOT of caps lock going on this week. (Also, I watched the reconstructions after having done the review, so there may be some...er...inconsistencies of tone and trajectory where I talk about the cut scenes. I've tried to go back over it to iron it out, but if this week's review feels like a bit of a hodgepodge, that's why.) Anyway, Susan and the Doctor are about to be drownded because they’re hiding in the sink and the murderous scientist washing his hands of his deeds is about to pull the plug. Quick! Into the overflow pipe!
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Back on the workbench, Babs reckons the Space Fam must indeed be drowned; Ian, because he doesn’t have x-ray vision, determines to find out. Cut Scene of Interest: the cat drank some water and died, and the Space Baes go into morbid detail describing its dead body. R.I.P., Jurassic Cat. As they both climb back down into the surprisingly dry sink, Ian tells Babs she needn’t come if she doesn’t want to, but when indeed has that ever stopped Barbara Wright doing a thing? I should also warn you at this point that I once again have the InfoText on, which informs me that there was a retake of Ian and Barbara climbing down the plug chain because Jacqueline Hill’s hand was in shot before she climbed down. Whoops. But the important thing is that they actually came into shot from a stepladder off-camera, which gives me funny pictures in my head. Ok, so here’s the first scene that ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN CUT, because in it Barbara and Ian discuss what they would do if the Doctor and Susan really were dead:
Barbara: What do we do? I mean, that’s it, what can we do? Ian: Go on living. Fight the world we’re in. Make something of it. Barbara: You never give in, do you? Ian: If it were only me… Barbara: It wouldn’t be any different.
ARGH this really, really shouldn’t have been cut, because it gives us a little window into Ian’s head that was sorely needed round about the time he thought all his friends were dead in The Reign of Terror and threw himself into the English spy ring subplot rather than allowing himself even a moment (well, an onscreen moment anyway) to mourn the apparent death of Babs, Susan, and the Doctor. It also makes sense of what I thought was an odd choice for Ian given his mostly left-leaning political stance: when all else is lost, you just fight the world you’re in. And actually, despite Ian’s implied protest that the only reason he never gives in is essentially for Babs’s benefit, we’ve already seen that fighting the world he’s in is exactly what he does when he thinks in is only him left in it. (But seriously, why was this cut? JUSTICE FOR IAN’S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.) Also, though obviously I’m delighted that the Doctor and Susan aren’t drowned, a small (ok, a large) part of me would like to see a spinoff in which Barbara and Ian become Borrower-sized superheroes, fighting injustice and saving the planet from deadly chemical weapons with a reel of cotton and some paperclips. Like The Girl Who Waited, but with teeny-tiny sixties schoolteachers.
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Babs, Babs, Babs of the Plughole, strong as she can be!
Anyway, in the broadcast version, of the episode, Babs and Ian only momentarily believe their friends are dead, and Babs’s somewhat panicky ‘what do we do…what can we do?’ is cut short by Susan and the Doctor in full-on troll mode gloating over how difficult they are to kill. Everyone is delighted and the Space Fam is reunited and oh it is lovely indeed. Though there is an even lovelier (cut) moment in the plughole where the Doctor jokes about the Space Baes planning their lives without them. He knows those fuss-pots so well. Oh and here’s another crucial yet inexplicably cut scene: the humans reckon no government in their right minds would ever put an insecticide like this on the market, and there’s nothing they can do about it, so they may as well scarper. And then there’s this gorgeous little meta moment from the Doctor that grows into something HUGELY IMPORTANT:
Doctor: Our roles seem to be reversed for once. Barbara: What do you mean? Doctor: Aren’t I usually the one to condemn meddling? To urge that we leave well alone? But you see, my friends, this isn’t just a minor little tragedy in some forgotten backwater. Some person has invented a way of destroying a planet. Totally destroying it. I cannot, will not, stand by an allow a whole planet to be emptied of life. Barbara: But Doctor, we’re one inch high. What can we do like this? Doctor: At the moment, I don’t know, but we’ll find something. Let us start from one basic premise and hold on to it with all our determination: we will stop this chemical from being spread all over the world.
OH MY DAYS WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHYYYYYYYY DID THEY CUT THIS? This is the first time in the history of the show that the Doctor actually draws a line and decides that this, THIS RIGHT HERE, is what he will fight for. This is where he takes a stand. That he will not sit idly by and allow a planet to be destroyed. It also explains why the hell they all keep wandering about on the workbench instead of just getting back to the ship. Some idiot cut the beating heart out of this serial and I shall never forgive them. Plus the fact that the Doctor has actually put his foot down and rallied the (very reluctant) troops to save the world makes Barbara’s continued infuriating silence on the subject of her IMMINENT DEATH more understandable, in that it suggests that from this moment on she’s hoping they manage to foil the baddies and still make it back to the Tardis in time to effect a miracle cure. Even though, as we shall see, the Doctor is ultimately ok with her choosing to risk her life to give them all a chance to try to save the planet. (I should also take this opportunity to note that they guy doing the William Hartnell impersonation for the cut scenes is phenomenal and should have many prank phone calls with Culshaw!Four.) We skip back over to Forester and Smithers. Forester is planning to ring the murdered Farrow’s department and impersonate him. What could possibly go wrong? We go to what appears to be a rural post office, where the woman operating the telephone switchboard is hilariously un-fooled by Forester’s muffled voice (courtesy of a handkerchief over the mouthpiece). Though the guy Farrow works with is totally conned.
(I do feel a bit bad skipping over the cut scenes at the switchboard, as Hilda the operator basically saves the day by being nosey and not being idiotic enough to believe that Forester talking through a hanky is actually Mr. Farrow. But life is short, and these cut scenes are long. Hilda, you're great, and you deserve more time than I'm giving you.) We cut to a giant notebook that has chemistry things in it. Susan spots that it’s a formula, and Ian tells her she’s right. IAN, REMEMBER THAT THIS YOUNG WOMAN IS CLEVERER THAN YOU. Babs reckons that if it’s the formula for the insecticide, they might be able to find a cure. Ian is, however, almost aggressively dismissive: ‘A cure? What’s the good of that?’ Barbara, instead of taking this opportunity to mention that she is dying, plays it casual: ‘I dunno…’
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Susan channels her inner Audrey Horne
TELL THEM YOU ARE DYING, BARBARA, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY. Going back to that cut scene for a moment, you do forget that in Classic Who in the very early days, it’s not just the normal thing for the gang to discover something amiss and to take it upon themselves to right a wrong. There has to be something in it for Team Tardis before they’ll meddle. Which is why none of these scenes by the notebook make any sense without that earlier scene in which the Doctor puts his foot down. Ian reckons if they’re going to do anything at all they should stop the insecticide (a bit of dialogue that makes no sense without the aforementioned decision to meddle); as Susan points out, they only need a cure if someone’s infected. LIKE BARBARA. How has nobody spotted she’s ill yet? The Doctor reckons the more they know about their enemy, the better, so he gets Ian to mark out sections of the notebook with his feet while Barbara and Susan read what they see, so that the Doctor can write down what’s written there on a smaller scale. Just to reiterate: the Doctor is using Ian as a bookmark in this scene. There’s some cut material in which they read out shit from the notebook followed by yet more cut switchboard shenanigans, and then the Doctor has the formula. Ian is rather sweet trying to understand it, but then admits that he’s reached his Sciency limit. It’s ok, hun, you don’t need to be a specialist in insecticides to teach O Level Chemistry. What is Ian’s specialism, anyway?
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A less-than-captive audience
The Doctor takes over in layman’s terms: the inventor has made the insecticide EVERLASTING. Which, as Susan and Ian point out, means it’ll get into the soil and the water and stuff. Babs asks whether it’ll be fatal to humans; the Doctor says yes, in sufficient quantities. She asks whether that’s just from ingesting it, but the Doctor reckons that contact with the skin will also do it. SHIT. Ian rubs it in a bit, going on about it penetrating the skin and all that, and Babs, WHO HAS BEEN IN CONTACT WITH THE INSECTICIDE AND IS DYING, stamps her foot and demands why they’re all just sitting here. Ian and Susan stare at her, and Susan at last asks whether she’s all right. Babara, FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN TO MAKE THE VIEWER TENSE (if we're talking about the broadcast version rather than the uncut version, at least) still doesn’t tell anyone she’s been in contact with the insecticide, but mentions she feels giddy and tells them some bullshit about just being hungry. The Doctor raises the issue of food (which they can’t eat) and Ian reckons the less they talk about food the happier he’ll be. Looks like someone is prone to hanger. Ian volunteers to go and fetch safe tap water for everyone, but the Doctor also wants to go in the direction of the sink on account of there being something over there that may be the answer to all their problems—A TELEPHONE. (Which will be useless to them on account of the sound thing he was explaining last week.) A cut scene explains that the Doctor wonders whether the sound thing will be the same over a load of telephone wires. In another cut scene, they are all nearly choked by Smithers lighting a cigarette and blowing smoke all over them. Which would have been a cool thing to keep in an environmental serial. The gang makes it to the telephone, and Babs and Susan have found a bung (or a cork?) from some of the Sciency equipment to prop up the receiver; Babs, looking knackered now, has been doing the heavy lifting. At last Ian seems to have noticed that all is not well with the now distinctly-out-of-breath Bae; possibly because the others are watching, she tells him not to make a fuss. And it’s adorable. Although… …BARBARA. FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME. INFORMING YOUR COMPANIONS THAT YOU ARE DYING IS NOT MAKING A FUSS, IT IS GIVING THEM ENOUGH TIME TO PREVENT YOUR UNTIMELY DEMISE.
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Ian is making his confused puppy face, but has clearly decided that maybe these are Lady Things that require his discretion and pulls himself together, and ‘tactfully’ suggesting that he and Susan do the climbing up to the telephone as he, the Doctor, and Susan pass the bung upwards; Babs sits at the foot of the telephone with her head in her hands. The Doctor, however, gives zero fucks, and merely asks Barbara (politely) whether she minds getting another one of the bungs; she nods and staggers off. He watches her go with some concern, and when Barbara returns, the Doctor observes that his dear looks very tired; she agrees, and he suggests she go and sit down for a bit. Which is considerate. But SERIOUSLY this is not like Barbara at all, so can someone please ask her whether she’s been in touch with anything deadly? Once the bungs/corks are up at the top of the telephone, Ian calls the others up to give him a hand with his Atlas act, attempting to heave the world receiver onto his shoulders. As Susan and the Doctor come up, the Doctor asks Ian whether he reckons the three of them can manage, seeing as Barbara doesn’t look quite up to it. I feel like I am forever bringing this up, but I do love that the Doctor now has her back completely, in contrast to his willingness to leave her to die in an alien city. Ian sounds disgruntled, saying they’ll try, but Barbara seems determined to overcompensate for DYING and scrambles over to help; she, Ian, and the Doctor lift up the receiver while Susan wedges a cork under it. They’re all knackered…AND NOW THE OTHER END! Barbara looks bloody shattered, but she’ll get no sympathy (ok, marginally less sympathy) from me because she’s still being stoical FOR NO GOOD REASON (in the broadcast version at least yadda yadda you get my point that cutting that earlier scene in which the Doctor takes a stand means that Barbara's motivation for this entire serial is a nonsense). And OH SUCCESS! The switchboard has been alerted! Ian, Susan, and the Doctor bellow into the receiver very slowly, but ugh I don’t even have time to explain. The Doctor has forgotten his own lecture about how they’re probably audible only to dogs, and the whole thing is bloody pointless. Barbara listens to the unintelligible rumbling coming from the other end with an expression on her face that clearly states ‘FML’. And then she collapses again. BARBARA, YOU ARE LITERALLY DYING. YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS. Who have not noticed that she has collapsed. Indeed, Ian is sulking: ‘We can’t have failed after trying so hard!’ he wails. The Doctor and Susan are resigned, but Ian is determined to try again and goes off to tell Barbara…who is still kneeling on the floor, shaving attempted to blow her nose with Ian’s handkerchief. Ian does not find this fucking weird but merely tells her she’s been overdoing things and offers to get her some water. He reaches for his handkerchief, and Babs goes all Gollum on him, becoming increasingly distressed as she insists that he mustn’t touch it, that no-one must touch it; she passes out.
Everyone crowds around, and the Doctor finally twigs, holding the handkerchief to his nose via some manner of stick and comments on the aroma of insecticide. WHICH CANNOT BE THAT DISTINCTIVE OR YOU WOULD HAVE REALISED BABS PROBABLY REEKS OF IT. The Doctor surmises she got insecticide on her hands, and Ian is hilariously indignant and defensive, seeing as she never told him and he never saw her do it; his entire attitude is essentially ‘DAAAAAD IT’S NOT MY FAULT’. And then the penny drops; she did borrow his handkerchief over by the seeds. Sheepish Ian is sheepish. Susan asks whether they can do anything for her, and the Doctor muses in silence…ROLL CREDITS. Or not. Babs wakes, is informed she fainted, and mutters about the insecticide…FINALLY OH MY GOD. The Doctor chides her indulgently like an idiot child. Which is what she has indeed been this serial (blah blah if you cut that scene blah-de-blah). For which I will never forgive Louis Marks. Or at least the dunderhead who cut that scene. As Babs chills with Susan by the phone, panicky Ian asks the Doctor what they can do; the Doctor says she has to get back to her normal size, at which point the insecticide will be 70x less dangerous. I HAVE (slightly gross) QUESTIONS: even if it’s less dangerous, the inventor made it everlasting, so assuming she manages to…er…get it out of her system, I hope the Tardis waste disposal can deal with it, or else there will be a teeny-tiny amount of deadly insecticide in the Tardis water supply forever. Anyway, they must get back to the ship; ‘what are we waiting for?’ asks Ian, grimly. He makes his way over to Babs and adopts his best bedside manner; Babs says she feels ‘a bit ropey’. I heart understatements. Anyway, they’ve got a long way to go, so best get moving. Ian asks the Doctor whether he can in fact get them back to normal size:
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Brim-full of confidence, there, Doctor. Meanwhile, Forester is having trouble with the phone, which is obv still off the hook. But enough of that. We go back to the regulars and another scene that should never, ever have been cut because without it, nothing makes sense:
Ian: Well, come on, Barbara! Barbara: No, Ian, I won’t go any further. Ian: Barbara! Don’t be ridiculous! Doctor: Yes, you’re being stupid. Wasting time. Susan: Come on, Barbara, please! Barbara: No! For the last time, no! I’m not important any more, can’t you understand? Susan: You’re important to us, Barbara. Barbara: Will you listen? The amount I’ve got on my hands would be just a tiny speck to a normal human being, but suppose a full-sized person covered their hands with it? Aren’t they going to start feeling dizzy, start fainting and blacking out? Susan: You won’t die. Barbara, we’re here with you now. That’s all we can see or understand. Doctor: Yes, I couldn’t let it happen. Not if there was one chance in a million of stopping it. Ian: Doctor, for heaven’s sake, make her see how wrong she is. Barbara: You said yourself it was our duty to stop the destruction of a whole planet. Doctor: Yes, I did, Barbara, but our immediate concern is you. Barbara: Our responsibility hasn’t altered, Doctor. Ian: The longer we stand here arguing, the greater hold that poison is going to get on you. We are taking you back to the ship, and that’s final. Barbara: How? Carry me over your shoulder? All the way down the chain to the sink and then down the pipe to the outside of the house? You couldn’t. Even with my cooperation.
NYAAAAARGJSSPDOISLTKEUWKRJFHSDNJKJHSDHFSDJF WHY DID YOU CUT THIS YOU ARTLESS BASTARDS!?!?!?!?! The only—and I mean only—reason you can even begin to attempt to justify putting Babs through all that idiotic ‘secretly dying’ bullshit is by NOT CUTTING both this scene and the scene in which the Doctor picks his battles. With these scenes in place, of course the problem remains that she is being used as a plot device to a) rack up the dramatic tension and b) make the 'to intervene or not to intervene' dilemma personal. I mean, I think this is the first time 'save the girl or save the world' crops up in the show. However, what you also get is Actual Character Development that makes this entire serial crucial to the development of the show itself rather than an entertaining but otherwise pointless romp through various cool-looking sets. And apart from anything else, this scene is actually pretty good for what it is. Even the Doctor calling Barbara stupid (which would normally piss me off) actually works because a) it puts me in mind of the time Barbara yelled at him for being a stupid old man, setting the scene for another epic argument in which Babs challenges him to be a better person and b) because his initial knee-jerk reaction is one that is entirely based on fear, so he insults and belittles her, but then he actually listens to what she has to say and she convinces him of her point of view. The Doctor, Ian, and Susan are absolutely shitting themselves because they really don't want Barbara to die, but Babs digs her heels in like a pro and everyone's so in character it hurts. The way in which Ian reverts to paternalistic bullshit to mask his fear has never been more evident: the foot is down, but Barbara isn't having any of it, and BOY does she hit him where it hurts. He may be able to fireman's lift her out of the way of a giant fly, but he couldn't carry her back to the ship if he tried, and she categorically will not consent to it and refuses point blank to cooperate, making it perfectly clear that the only way she's going back to the ship is kicking and screaming. The sooner Ian realises that Barbara Wright has never done anything just because he said so, the happier he'll be. Susan, meanwhile, is right on the money with her analysis: Barbara is important to them, and they're all being blinded by their immediate priority of not letting her die, which is 'all we can see or understand'; Susan is her own best therapist. But the best thing about this is Barbara and the Doctor, in a clear development of their conversation about not getting swept away with the tide of history in The Reign of Terror. Though I maintain that Barbara's willingness to sacrifice herself for the greater good marks the beginning of a bothersome trend that culminates in the whole Impossible Girl who was Born to Save the Doctor thing (which DOES MY HEAD IN), the first time this sort of thing happens on the show the fact that Barbara holds the Doctor to his own moral standards is a meaty consequence of her own actions (and her own realisation that there is something she is literally willing to die for). Her raison d'être isn't to give her life to allow the Doctor to become his best self because she thinks he's some sort of godlike entity, she just happens to change him for the better while she travels with him and learns about herself (through learning about others). And she absolutely floors him when he tells her he wouldn't let her die if there was a one in a million chance of preventing it and she tells him that none of this alters their responsibilities. Indeed, when Ian appeals to the Patriarchy Doctor to make Barbara see she's wrong (like that would ever work), it backfires spectacularly because what she does is make the Doctor see she's right. I mean I'm still mad at this whole 'Barbara is dying but doesn't tell anyone' subplot, and as I say, putting Babs in danger specifically so the Team gets put into a 'save someone you love or save the world' dilemma is the thin end of a very problematic wedge, but with this scene in place at least Babs gets to spend a little more time having the moral high ground for her trouble. And at least it's her dilemma, too (rather than her fate being the Doctor's choice, as it so often is in later serials), in which she actually has her own agency after a fashion. BUT THEY CUT ALL THAT, so what we get instead is Ian talking into Barbara’s face, telling her she’s ill and that they have to get her back to the ship. When Barbara appears to refuse, Ian appeals to the Doctor (again), who OH MY GOODNESS tells him there’s nothing he can say, dear boy, because Barbara’s quite right. Ian appeals to Susan, who breaks my heart again when she merely cuddles her stoic Space Mum. The camera focuses on Ian’s referred pain as Babs comes up behind him and tells him they must stop the baddies. And as broadcast, it makes zero fucking sense. The butchery that has been done to this serial makes me hopping mad. Meanwhile, Forester decides to try the other phone, while Smithers goes off to look at Farrow’s notes. But enough of that! Because the Doctor has a plan, and that plan is…CAUSE TROUBLE. Start a fire, to be precise. Ian seems to think this will work, but wants to know if they’ll be able to start a really big one to do some real damage. Then this happens:
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GLEEFUL ARSONIST DOCTOR IS THE BEST. Ian asks Barbara for her opinion; she agrees it’ll attract people to the house, and OH MORBID SUSAN HOW I’VE MISSED YOU! For at this point our favourite little weirdo delightedly points out that someone will find the man’s body. Never change. Smithers and Forester wander about outside a bit. And OH Ian has had a brainwave! Which I’ll give him, seeing as how he teaches in a Science lab. If they can only turn on the gas tap…but oh no that’ll have to wait because NOISES OFF! Enter the bad guys. Apparently you can see the dead cat prop in this bit, too. As our heroes sneak about, the switchboard gets back in touch. During this time, apparently Smithers freaks out about the dead cat and no longer believes Forester’s bullshit, but all that got cut. Anyway, the switchboard lady (Hilda) asks to speak to Farrow, and Forester tries the same bullshit hanky trick again. Which fails to convince Hilda in any way, shape or form, as she gleefully tells Bert the policeman (who also happens to be present). Bert the policeman reckons he ought to go and see what’s up. Which means that Hilda at the switchboard pretty much alerted the world to the dodgy goings-on at the farmhouse and that Team Tardis could have just scarpered back to the Tardis to de-poison Barbara. But that’s not the point, is it? Over at the gas tap, the Team is trying to turn it on. And OH HELLO MATCHBOX AND MATCHSTICK. Reusable props for the win. Ian has wedged the matchbox in place, and gets Susan to help him light the match by running at it. ‘Like a battering ram,’ enthuses Susan. I have missed this. Meanwhile, the Doctor has managed to get a pressurised container in front of the gas tap, which he has to explain to Babs, who apparently can’t read the giant writing that says ‘highly flammable’ on the side. Then this happens:
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LET ME LOVE YOU. Though if it really is going to be the equivalent of a thousand pound bomb to them surely they need to find a better way of avoiding the blast than hiding behind the gas tap. And oh, Smithers has finally figured out that DN6 kills literally everything. Which he apparently didn’t realise while he was making the stuff. He is a terrible Scientist. Meanwhile, the Doctor and Barbara are being armchair critics and Susan and Ian attempt to light the match. ‘CHARGE!’ cries Susan. But seriously, never change. Success! The Doctor and Barbara cling with delight, presumably infecting the Doctor with insecticide from her riddled hands. Ian shouts a few instructions for adjusting the gas tap, tells Barbara and the Doctor to hide behind the tap, and he and Susan light the gas tap! Elsewhere, Forester is confessing to Smithers. He also has his gun out. Nobody cares. Meanwhile, the Doctor is tittering gleefully at the imminent explosion. As the gas tap blazes, the team huddles, and Ian warns Susan about metal flying everywhere; Susan is reminded of an air raid. According to the InfoText, this isn’t a reference to the Blitz but to WWI, where Germans used Zeppelins for air raids, which the Doctor terms ‘infernal machines’. Give me the Doctor and Susan in a WWI historical THIS INSTANT. Susan seems to think of this as a happy memory. Because that’s how Susan rolls.
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As Smithers enters, protesting about DN6 being more deadly than radiation, we see what the soon-to-explode container is. Well bugger me if it isn’t a spray can of insecticide! Poetic justice! But also probably very dangerous to the time travellers if it’s going to be exploding everywhere. IN FORESTER’S FACE! LITERALLY! Is he blinded, or does he actually have DN6 all up in his eyeballs? Nobody cares. But Smithers has now got the gun…which is taken off him by Bert the Bobby from the switchboard. THE LAW HAS BEEN ALERTED, ALL IS WELL. The Doctor sends everyone running back to the ship. Well, he gets Susan and Ian to drag Babs along at any rate. The Doctor also takes one of the giant Sugar Puffs with him under his cape. That'll be easy to get back to the Tardis. Then again, there's always gravity. The Bobby tells Smithers to turn off the gas tap, and justice presumably takes its course. Back in the Tardis (after what I’m going to guess was a long, difficult, and generally hellish journey during which one can only assume they just threw Barbara down the drainpipe and hoped for the best), there’s more cut stuff in which Ian fusses over Babs, and the Doctor has to repair the scanner before they get back to normal or else they’d be blind. Back to uncut stuff, the Doctor aims to replicate whatever happened when they landed. Or something timey-wimey like that. Ian asks whether there’s anything he can do; why yes, he can wrap that seed in the Doctor’s cloak and put it on the table where everyone can see for maximum theatricality. Oh and apparently William Russell had the lurgy whilst filming this episode. Thanks, InfoText. Babs is pretty-much unconscious in the chair as Susan stares at her in morbid fascination concern. The lights go down, the Tardis dematerialises, and as Ian badgers the Doctor, the latter gleefully informs him that whatever it is is working! Joy! The seed on the table is shrinking! How does that make sense? I have no idea! But the seed is now teeny-tiny, and JOY OF JOYS Barbara is awake and in desperate need of a drink. Of water. Which she had no idea could taste so good. The Doctor delightedly pets Barbara’s face, as is the way of all Gallifreyans when confronted with pestilence. Ian is relieved; the Doctor bows theatrically. The Doctor recaps the plot for Barbara’s benefit and then sends everyone off for a good scrub.
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Gallifreyan nursing at its finest
Alone in the Tardis control room, the Doctor remembers the scanner is buggered and fusses over how irritating it is that they have no idea where they are. Maybe they’re…AT WORLD’S END! WHERE HAVE OUR HEROES LANDED NOW? WILL THERE NOW BE DN6 IN THE TARDIS WATER SUPPLY FOREVER? WHAT ARE THE TARDIS SCRUBBING FACILITIES LIKE? CAN WE PLEASE NEVER MAKE BARBARA STUPID JUST SO WE CAN SPIN OUT A SERIAL EVER, EVER AGAIN (OR INDEED A PLOT DEVICE IN A MORAL DILEMMA, DEPENDING ON WHICH VERSION OF THIS EPISODE/THESE EPISODES YOU'RE WATCHING)? LIKEWISE IAN? WHY HAS NOBODY ADDRESSED THE FACT THAT THEY ACTUALLY MADE IT HOME BUT WERE THE WRONG SIZE APART FROM IN PASSING? IS THE SCANNER NOW PERMANENTLY BUST? WHAT HAPPENS TO SMI- ACTUALLY I DON’T REALLY CARE BUT WERE THE CREATORS/ABUSERS OF DN6 EVER BROUGHT TO JUSTICE? Summary (as applicable to this episode)
Does it pass the Bechdel test? Errrm...do Babs and Susan actually exchange words this week? I think not, actually. Or only in passing. Is the gaze problematic? Nope. Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? Nope. High necks and dungarees all round. Save the girl or save the world? Whose decision is it? Save the world. Barbara's decision, backed up by the Doctor. Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? See collapsing. Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope. Though Barbara getting poisoned is a variant thereof. Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? No. Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Babs needs saving from poison. Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Yup. Babs is now dying. Does a woman have to deal with a sexual predator? Nope. Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? No. Does a woman faint at the sight of peril/horror or generally lose consciousness (discounting normal sleep)? Yes. Babs collapses. Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? No.
Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? Nope, this week it's Babs not letting on. Does a woman suffer in silence (to further the plot)? AND HOW. Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? No. Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? A bit.
Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Ish.
Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Yup.
Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No.
Does the woman companion come up with a plan? No. Though Babs does dig her heels in about the Doctor's plan. And the arson is Ian's doing/the Doctor's brainchild.
Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.
Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? No.
Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? Babs yells him down over sticking to his responsibilities.
Does a woman get to be a badass? Babs.
Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? Yes and no...the Doctor has the final word, but Ian is mostly floundering and Babs is the one who insists the remain to help.
Is there past/future/alien sexism? It's the present day, so N/A. 
Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? N/A. Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? N/A.
Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.
Verdict Well. As broadcast, this episode does my head in, because it makes very little sense and robs Babs of agency/believable motivation. They cut scenes that are crucial to Ian's character development, the Doctor's character development, and Barbara's character development, and I shall never forgive them. I remain irritated that Babs got infected with DN6 specifically to engineer a 'save the girl or save the world' dilemma, but with the cut scenes reinstated, we at least get to see pivotal moments in the history of the show: the first time the Team chooses to intervene for moral reasons rather than making getting out of Dodge their main priority;,the first time the Doctor takes a stand, and the first time a companion is willing to die for something bigger than themselves. And that something is not the Doctor's life, as is so often the case in New Who. The Doctor is delightful this week, as is his relationship with Babs, and I am delighted at the return of Morbid Susan. Next week...DALEKS!
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