#ohhh i should have posted this yesterday silly me
would you happen to have any like... soft/cute or silly headcanons of N? anything to cushion the inevitable emotional pain of the ghetstink event. a little something to take to edge off, if you will
ughhfhdvfgtbfvdvdbgffvbfhdbd ghetsis my detested
soft headcanons coming right up 🤌
small pokémon like to cling to N's hair
especially joltik, and those are awful to get out
he really likes chocolates
especially those sweet heart things? the ones that restore 20 hp? those
when he went to alola he would get a tapu cocoa from the pokécenter and sit on the beach every night :)!!
speaking of which, zorua loves pokébeans
the purple patterned ones especially
N loves talking to pokémon restored from fossils because they can tell him so much about prehistoric times
N's favourite pokéballs are friend balls, luxury balls, and regular pokéballs
he loves those because they don't have an increased catch rate, meaning all of his pokémon have willingly chosen to join him
N got really good at cooking during his travels
because cooking is just following a series of steps to get a predictable outcome, just like a formula 😳🤚
sometimes he'll lay in the grass when it's sunny out just to feel the warmth on his back
and he loves to look at the stars at night
studying the stars and planets is a great way for him to understand the big world suddenly introduced to him after BW :)
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January 7, 2020
Gone are the days of being underdressed for any occasion. I am resolved to be overdressed for nearly all occasions, that I might be adequately dressed for the rare event that matters.
Speaking of dressing, I know my wedding is far far far far far off if it is to happen at all BUT I think I’d want a wedding dress with a cape. Like, you know that dress Brie Larson wore to that one event? The one with the sleeves that weren’t really sleeves they were just floor-length capes for the arms? Yeah. I want those.
Oh! Oh!! Techno’s festival stream was fantastic!! I definitely should’ve seen Tommy switching sides coming. Also, poor Tubbo. Berated by Dream for being a bad president (which, like, lowkey, he kinda is), losing his country, aw. BUT DREAM AND TECHNO TEAM UP?? I support this because I support Techno (after all, what’s L’Manburg ever done for me?), but Dream is shifty, so I’m not sure exactly how that whole thing is going to go. I’m excited to see whatever L’Manburg does to prepare though! At first I was like ??? when Techno decided to show Dream the secret Wither cave, but it’s okay! He hid the other two and a half stacks of heads he has, apparently. Because, as Techno himself said, you wouldn’t expect someone who has eighteen wither skulls to be hiding any. Oh and also I’m 96% sure Dream griefed his own community house to manipulate Tubbo into giving him Tommy’s final disc. Also, I think it’s kinda funny how whenever Dream gets mad he starts building his obsidian wall around L’Manburg. Ohhh, what an evil man, building his walls ahhh ohh noooo :P. Anyway, he’s homeless, so what does it matter what he wants anyway. Maybe he’s just jealous of L’Manburg because it’s prettier than anything he could ever build. Ah, my comfort streamssssss.
And an update on the greenish-brownish wool pants from yesterday: too small :( And the black wool pants I liked are too large. I did, however, find a lovely dark brown button-down skirt on depop today that I’m intending to buy, as soon as the seller gets back to me about shipping. It’s really inexpensive which makes me worried that someone might snipe it even within the next few hours. That’s happened to me before (once with a skirt, once with some pants, both on Depop), but the seller said to contact them directly about shipping, so that’s what I did :/. It’s really really pretty and the price is exactly right and UGH it would go so well as a neutral bottom in my wardrobe. I don’t have a button-down skirt yet, and they seem really daunting to make, so I’d be super happy if I could get this purchased tonight and just stop having to worry about it. Well, I suppose that I’ll get it if it’s meant for me to have it. ...I really hope it’s meant for me to have it.
Oh, and, um, just a quick note... I think I enjoy talking about silly and inconsequential things here so much because it is dedicated time I get to spend away from all of my stressors. Like, yes, I often mention and talk at length about things that stress me out, but I also talk a lot about sewing and historybounding and the DreamSMP and whatever other hyperfixation I might have at the time because when Future Nina checks in whenever she happens to do so, I want her to smile a bit, you know? I went back as Future Nina to reread some of the stuff I wrote during my senior year of high school and it was trash. Like, the emotions were valid, but I had so many bad days. I’m sure I’ll have more bad days in the future, but I think it’s important for me to write about the dumb things that I’m excited about. I don’t think it’s shallow, I think it makes more of the post into an extension of the “Today I’m Thankful For” bit, which is always a good thing! After reading my senior year stuff I went back and read some entries from my first semester in college and there were so many happy memories! Things that made me smile and remember what it was like to live with so much freedom. I miss it terribly, but it feels really nice to remember those times. Sometime this Spring, I’ll probably read through what it was like at the start of the pandemic again. Or at least, at the start of my awareness of it, which was probably only a week (or less) before the extended Spring Break was announced.
I just... for a few moments I was typing but feeling like what I was writing was inconsequential and meaningless. But really, it’s not! I’m connecting with myself, I think. It belongs in this journal because this is my journal and I may do with it as I wish.
Speaking of doing as I wish, I wish I could bring myself to read all these papers for my immigration anthropology class but I simply cannot. It’s somewhat interesting, to be certain, but agh it’s just a hassle and I’d really just rather... not. I know that taking this class will give me more freedom in the long run when it comes to selecting classes for my anthropology major, but it’s honestly just not all that intriguing to me. At least it’s only a 3-week course. Plus, there’s no real final paper/project/exam. We just chillin with a few discussions and mini research assignments. I just need to remind myself that the pain will be temporary, and that anti-procrastination habits are worth building (though it helps when you’re interested in the task you’re procrastinating).
By the way, I again fell asleep last night before I could get to any good parts in the story. There were two main developments, but they didn’t amount to much before I drifted off. I must just be boring myself.
Today I’m thankful for this journal! I’m thankful that there’s a place that I have now to just... exhale? A place where all of my thoughts can just live for me to one day look back on with fondness or empathy. A little bit like curating my own personal time travel experience.
Side note: the amount of rage I feel when I see anything related to the big minecraft youtubers of today anytime outside of my irregularly scheduled periods in which I watch the streams really is just... unreasonable. Like, this is something I really really enjoy, but I’m almost afraid of my own enjoyment of it, for some reason? Perhaps, ashamed, even? I don’t know :/ Like, I get so defensive for no reason whenever I see fanart on Pinterest, then I reluctantly go into a fanart hole, as if I won’t enjoy it even though I’ve always enjoyed looking at fanart. Honestly seeing fanart of my favorite scenes is my favorite part of being part of a fandom, so I don’t know why I resent the fact that I really enjoy the Dream SMP. I think my enjoyment of the DSMP is on the same level as my enjoyment of Critical Role, and that’s saying something.
Maybe it’s the fact that it’s minecraft. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s roleplay occurring within minecraft. Do I think it’s childish, maybe? Just plain weird? I’m honestly not sure, you know? I wish I knew. This actually feels like just another sneaky avenue for self-hatred and I want to sort this out at the roots. I don’t want to attack myself for something completely harmless that I enjoy. And the fact that I can’t come up with a legitimate reason why I should feel ashamed and resentful toward liking mcyt is really just proving to me that this is just another instance of me attacking myself for no reason to push this idea that I’m not all that great.
I’m so thankful for this journal because without it I don’t think I would have realized how pervasive my self-esteem issues are. I don’t think I ever would have realized that even after addressing certain issues at the top of the problem, I would still be facing other symptoms of the problem because I hadn’t destroyed the root cause. And, honestly, I still don’t quite know what that root is. But, for now, I can use this journal as a weapon to help me fight the symptoms when they arise.
So, say it with me: There is nothing to be ashamed of about the fact that I enjoy minecraft youtubers. Absolutely nothing.
The most frustrating thing about all of this is that I don’t know what the cause is. So I can snip at these symptoms all I want, but I don’t think I’ll be truly done until I find and burn the root.
Maybe this is where therapy comes in. I need to work this out, but I’m either unable or unwilling to go deeper. I think I might need help with that. Kinda sucks that there’s a global pandemic and that I come from a culture where mental health is seen as a white people’s issue. But, as one of the folks from my school’s counselling center mentioned-- we go see a licensed professional medical practitioner when we feel physically ill, and we should do the same when we feel mentally or emotionally ill. Go to a licensed practitioner, that is. Maybe I’ll ask my parents if medical insurance covers therapy.
77: Why am I so hungry?
That subtitle was totally unrelated to this post. I just am.
Okay, this is actually the next day, now. It turns out I wasn’t able to complete this post yesterday for some reason or another. Let’s get this show on the road, now.
I continue to appreciate the echoing effects of certain phraseologies, reactions, and conversations throughout Paradox Space, even when the same people are not the ones uttering them.
That’s soooo cuuuute!~ (The knitting, not Jane’s behavior. Though I could be sarcastically insulting her by saying as such, that is not what is going on right now.)
This is really all quite beautiful. Though it is a little sad that Kanaya laughs at Karkat’s eligibility, I suppose it is reasonable that she of all people would recognize the difficulty of his fit into the role.
Ohhh gasp! A new character! And one who seems to be born for the role that they’re playing! Very, very interesting~
More importantly: I am glad to see that Hussie is sticking to the idea that the gods influence their universe in some abstract ways following its creation. Though this could also be as a result of her actually being in the world (after all, vectors of influence in a media-savvy, highly developed world can be quite potent, indeed!), I like to think that that is not necessarily the case, at least.
Honestly, that actually sounds quite beautiful. It’s something of a shame that she wants to swiff that way~
Yeah, I can certainly see why watching a bloated monster excrete eggs and bloody rainbow slime might turn one off from the idea. Reminds me of the scene from Alien 4. The one with the Alien Queen that had been altered with Ripley’s DNA. You know what I’m talking about. Bloody disturbing is what that is.
Not that I can’t understand why it might be beautiful to trolls. However, the thought of being a mostly sessile organism whose sole purpose is the release of eggs is something I’m sure most human women would not be too fond of, naturally. Not that I’m meaning to kink shame any who happen to find that kind of thing arousing. It’s just, well, realistically... a bit problematic for my tastes.
To be fair, Dave’s always had a desire to be an influencer. That said: his theoretical actions were also aimed as a necessary retaliation to Jane’s own departure from the proper equilibrium. I do not blame Dave for that decision, and honestly think that it’s actually the responsible thing to do. The only thing that might allow evil to prosper in the world when there are people with the capacity to stop it is for those people to let the matter fester and rot everything around it. Those who have the capacity to stop its rise have a responsibility to do so-- or at least to try. To fail to have done so, and simply to have allowed Jane to run unopposed would be nearly as unethical as actively supporting her, knowing that her intention was to perpetrate a campaign of reproductive control and gradual genocide-- or at least that she was likely to do so, given all of the evidence that they had available. As such, I can place no blame on Dave in regard to this.
This is because Dirk is subtle, and thus insidious, as much of the world’s worst evil happens to be. To bring him up is not something so obvious as to question the somewhat flagrant behavior of the one he would pull the strings of.
I think that it is probably good for her to be taking things slow and focusing on the “now” while she recovers, but I do hope she doesn’t reject that greater calling for too long. Worrying about things in general can be a very healthy thing. Particularly for a seer. Her responsibility as a god did not cease when the universe was created.
Rose is right to question that. Just because things have calmed down for a moment doesn’t mean a long-term threat like ambition is going to totally fade. Mind you, it may very well do so, considering Jane’s present desire to break away from things, but they do not know that to be in play. Besides, as I was saying, being gods, they have a very long-term horizon to consider. Honestly, Dave and Jane wanting to be concerned at least to some extent with the flow of the economy might not really be so bad, if neither of them was intent on essentially bending the wills of others to their own desires in order to see the path they had in mind be blazed by their civilization.
Unfortunately, the level of interference a god ought to have in a society (especially one so peacefully-developed as this one is) is a matter that is sticky and somewhat difficult to properly establish as a hard-and-fast rule. Even so, 0 interference is something they couldn’t do even if they actively tried.
For one, they aren’t old. I do certainly know the feeling of a young person thinking that they are old right as they cross into adulthood, though, so I won’t begrudge them that.
More importantly: Pffft. You think that marriage takes away the need/impulse to be cool? What a silly one you are. It just means the development of more in-jokes and maybe the redirection of where the coolness might have to go. ;3
(I am a very silly person too, yes.)
What the heck does “Bank’s closed” mean?
Cartoonishness aside, this is all a rather nice scene. I appreciate the little touches like the fact that Rose is hesitant to dip her legs in the muck that Kanaya has already become comfortable with. It’s very interesting to hear that the grubs chew through their own eggs, by the way! Also that the legs are off-beat, which I suppose might mean that the grubs have to get used to walking? Very, very curious stuff!
You mean like grub paste? Man, mulched flesh... that is a weird image. I guess it means like hamburger?
***can’t help but release intermittent giggles because of the incredible dramatic irony factors, here*** On a more serious note, though, it is really interesting to see that trolls having actual ancestors is a relatively rare thing, despite the emphasis that Highbloods put on the idea of everyone having one.
And also the hearts of all who read this in the foreseeable future, I’m sure. Man... the idea of Vriska actually having a chance at a life with responsible and non-abusive parental figures is such a dream come true! And honestly... this particular scenario is a very interesting one, in particular. Not one I would have ever considered possible! Not sure it technically counts, but ‘t’is very interesting+captivating, nonetheless!
Yeeessss!~ Perfection! <3
Though honestly I am still not convinced that Vriska will not be eventually saved via Retcanon-involved dramatic dives and flourishes, but I do in fact believe that she is dead as can be right now, considering Rose’s vision. Despite the fact that the Void of the Green Sun Black Hole should block most Light from penetrating its mysteries and escaping, I think that Rose’s powers would be the ones to be capable of it, if anything in reality can do so.
And I’m sure that shall include when the little child gets up to just the right kind of mischief and messes with their various irons in the fire. X3
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