#oh what else. any measure of confidence or self esteem. all of it. i was a bossy kid so of course i had like a little confidence before but

[mykneeshurt]

so I don't know if you would feel comfortable doing this but could you do the 141 and Alejandro Rudy

So you and them got invited out to go to the bar with the rest of the boys, but before you'll get there you were having measure insecurity problems. but you go anyway because you want to spend time with the guys. You goes to the restroom/bar to get something drink/etc. and when you come back, you see someone flirting with them. so when you pulled them away from that person who was flirting with them said something nasty about you as you guys walk away from the situation walk and it makes you feel worse so how would they comfort you when you get home

I don't know if that makes sense I'm not good writing out that type of stuff but I hope it's good but yeah I hope it's good

Of course! Some fluff and comfort coming up ❤️✨ gender neutral reader

Warnings - low self-esteem, low self-confidence, self-critical reader - I wrote this last night and I didn’t save it ffs

Walking back out of the toilet you saw a young woman, maybe no more than 25 draped over Ghosts shoulder. Flirting relentlessly with any of the boys she could get the attention of. Feeling annoyed you walked over and pulled her off ‘ever heard of personal space?’ You narrowed your eyes, eyebrows furrowed as you shot her a warning glare.

As she met your gaze she rolled her eyes, ‘and who are you?’ She scoffed, clearly thinking a lot about herself. ‘I’m their friend and you’re making quite the spectacle of yourself. Maybe you should have a water.’ She sneered in your direction, judging everything about you. ‘At least I am a spectacle, not some boring lookin’, ugly cretin’ she laughed. Ouch.

Ghost moved her away ‘I don’t think so love, you don’t speak to them like that.’ She rolled her eyes and walked off, to find someone else to annoy. The familiar sting in your chest began to rise, tears hung just under your irises threatening to fall. That critical voice found its feet again, chipping away at your self-confidence.

Needing some fresh air you left the pub, sitting on a near by bench you picked at your thumbs. The voice shouting at you from inside. You were in your own world until a familiar shadow shat next to you on the bench. ‘You ok?’ Soap asked, his soft gentle eyes studied your face, the smile you’d been wearing all evening now lost. You shrugged not wanting to talk. He draped an arm around you and pulled you close to him, ‘don’t listen to her hen, she’s some drunk tit who wanted to make you feel bad, so she could feel good. Ain’t nothing wrong with you.’ He pressed a tender kiss to your temple whilst he rubbed your shoulder.

Wondering where you were Gaz and Rudy came to check on you. Gaz sat on the side side of you as Rudy knelt by your knees. ‘What happened? Saw you leave’ Gaz asked, his voice laced with concern. ‘That woman who was all over Ghost said some horrible shit’ Soap spat, clearly pissed off at how she had made you feel. ‘Oh babe! Take no notice of her, she doesn’t know you. Not like us, and we think you’re pretty incredible’ Gaz said placing his arm on yours. Rudy placed his hands on your knees trying to offer some comfort. ‘The only person who’s important is you. They’re irrelevant to you, they don’t matter. You do.’

You smiled at him, your sad eyes still fighting to hold in the tears. ‘I’m gonna head back’ you said with a sniffle. ‘We’ll come with you.’

Walking back to base Price noticed the change in your demeanour he hurried up to you. ‘Everything ok kid? You ran outta there earlier.’ You sighed and nodded, ‘naw I know you’re lying kid. You upset about what that woman said?’ Nodding again your averted your gaze from his, not wanting him to see how upset you really were. He placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder ‘oh love, she was talking shit. You’re one of us, family. Nothing anyone says will change that. We love you for who you are.’

You tried to accept what he was saying but you couldn’t. That little voice inside your head still telling you she was right and that you were worthless.

Back at base you went to make a hot drink. Something to distract you from your mind. Hearing a shuffle behind you, you turned and saw Alejandro standing in the doorway. Just seeing him stood there made you burst out crying, the damn of sadness finally breaking. Alejandro pulled you into a tight hug, the feeling of his warm embrace made you cry even more. You felt safe, warm, like you could finally let the catharsis happen. Heavy tears fell onto his jumper as he ran his hand over your head, trying to sooth you. ‘I’m sorry’ you sniffed.

Alejandro pulled away and wiped your tears away with his thumbs. ‘You don’t owe that woman the time of day. She doesn’t know you like we do. That little voice in your head is a lair. You know what we do with liars?’ You shook your head, confused. ‘We kill em!’ You allowed yourself to laugh at this, a real belly laugh. Hearing you chuckle was music to Alejandro’s ears. ‘Thank you’ you smiled, hugging him once more.

As you got back to your room you noticed Ghost stood outside. ‘Hi’ you whispered. Ghost stood there studying your face which was still wet from tears. ‘Mind if I come in?’ Sighing you opened the door and let him in. Walking into the room you sat yourself down on your bed, clutching at your hot drink. ‘Struggling with that voice again?’ Ghost asked as he rested against your desk. ‘Yeah, I just … I don’t know how to deal with it. What that woman said really hurt me.’

Ghost nodded, understanding what you meant. ‘When people pull you down like that it’s cause they’re full of shit and hurting themselves. They bring you down because that’s all they know how to do. They wanna make themselves feel better. You don’t owe them anything.’ You sat taking in what he was saying. You knew he was right, her opinion of you wasn’t important, she didn’t matter. ‘You gonna be ok?’ He asked.

‘Yeah, I think so’ you smiled up at him.

#call of duty #simon ghost riley #cod mw22 #ghost x you #ghost x reader #john soap mactavish #modern warefare 2 #rudolfo parra #rodolfo rudy parra #rudy x you #alejandro x reader #alejandro cod #alejandro vargas #captian price #captain john price x reader #gaz mw2 #kyle gaz garrick #gaz x reader #soap mctavish x reader #john soap mctavish x reader #fluff #comfort #request

[chimaerra]

early morning time for emotion,,,,, uhhhh something something honestly in retrospect it was a bad idea but also the best thing to ever possibly happen to me that i got on tumblr young and planted myself in a few kind communities because otherwise i know i would be doing so so much worse now. literally don’t want to think abt how i would be if i wasn’t on here. still going to and i’m prolly gonna cry.

#hahaha let’s go thru the things i developed bc nice ppl were on here! and told me how to use this site and talked abt actual life!! #bisexuality. my dad loves his casual homophobia and my mom never stopped him. besides who knows what the fuck else #my anxiety. and other fun n sexy brain issues. like possibly depression. uhhh. well the only reason i can do anything in school when i’m #anxious is bc i got taught coping mechs on here. by genuine ppl w anxiety who knew what i was dealing w and not the weird teacher in my #school making a dumbass presentation years after i needed it. and same w other shit. i got plenty of coping mechs now. i love those bitches. #oh what else. any measure of confidence or self esteem. all of it. i was a bossy kid so of course i had like a little confidence before but #i think that anxiety was totally destroying that. and then like. i existed on here i got those posts on ur dash abt how to not make the bad #jokes and how it just took time and ppl who whenever i posted abt feeling shit trying to help. #oh course many lessons abt nuance. bc no one on this site knows how to read. thankful for that #i know many ppl have helped me w my homework on here tysm #and just like. little problems i have. remembering to eat. when my back hurts. it’s so fucking nice and lovely and im very thankful for it #god im prolly sleep deprived to be thinking abt this at 6 smthn in the morning and nearly crying about it #i’m just. very glad i was on here. not on other social media. i think there was a direct link between becoming active on here and shutting #off all my other socials until i decided i knew how to handle it. bc of y’all. #also all my little therapy posts. that’s definitely been a fun little place to figure out my problems and then sometimes ppl help! #this site does NOT need to go get a big head. but it and the ppl on it. <333 #ntxt #truly this app is therapy for me #THATS FHE TAG??? WTF PAST ME ITS SUPPOSED TO ME THIS SITE. ILL FIX THAT LATER

[leviiattacks]

hi hi hi i really really really loved your jealous headcanon of levi and your teacher levi!!! i was wondering if i could maybe request something where you kinda mix the two(?) so like theres this event going on in school and the reader is very occupied and busy because shes paying attention to her students and then maybe she talks to some teachers about the event and then levi is just there secretly sulking cause he wants her attention too?? or idk you do you because your works are always soooooooo good thank you<3333

author note :: i did not stick to the prompt which was honestly an accident?/£/):7 but there is jealous levi and reader so i hope it workssss, it’s not that great and isn’t edited...but i hope you enjoy it :-( also thank you for the request you were very kind <3

for this to make more sense you’ll probably have to read my first ever teacher levi post which you can find here !!!!!

requests are always open :-)

word count :: 4.3k ???? longer than i expected ???? 

levi groans at the mention of sports day before turning to look at you dead in the eyes

he knows this is your doing, you’ve always been big on getting the children into sport and other extracurriculars

now see, he has no actual issue with sports day?? he’s pretty fit if he says so himself!!!

it’s just that he frankly does not have the effort to participate.

another part of him also feels frustrated seeing mike flock around you like an annoying bee

he’s asking all sorts of questions

“are we doing the three legged race again this year?”

“how about javelin?”

“HAHA...mike...”

levi takes one look at you and knows you’re trying to let him down softly, it is his favourite event after all.

“since last year’s fiasco and the way you nearly hit one of the sixth graders i think not.” you awkwardly chuckle patting his shoulder as if it’s any consolation

mike loves sports day, he’s competitive in all of the teacher only events and last year he even tripped you and levi up ON PURPOSE might you add

either way he still lost the teacher’s three legged race last year and ever since he’s been out to gain his title back.

levi remembers, he’s unsure if you do but he remembers vividly having to carry you on his back because you had sprained your ankle pretty badly after your collision with mike.

back then you and levi were still in the middle of your little math vs english debate meaning the whole walk to the infirmary was filled with bickering.

and when levi had placed you onto one of the beds you insisted you could treat yourself when you really couldn’t

the way that scenario ended had been with levi forcing you to place your foot onto his knee as he iced and tended to it

this year levi is not having any repeats of that. yes, he quite liked having some alone time with you, in fact it was one of the first times he stopped to wonder if he liked you.

BUT!!!! having you limp around the corridors wasn’t the best either and you were highly irritable until you were fully healed

“why don’t you actually try this year?” hange stifles a laugh, they’re stood to levi’s left and upon hearing their voice his shoulders sag. he knows he’s in for one hell of an earful

“i do try–”

“yeah whatever. anyway, you want a cupcake?” hange’s gesturing to the haphazardly iced buns in the four plastic containers in their hands

“these are for the bake sale!!” they add in enthusiastically.

levi’s about to shake his head, he’s already donated to the bake sale’s charity fund without paying for any of the baked goods. yes it is purely because he doesn’t trust hange to feed him anything edible

“they’re y/n’s batch :-)” hange’s wickedly grinning knowing they’ve hit their colleagues weakness

without another thought levi’s right hand dives into one of his pockets, fishing his wallet out. he places a few spare coins into hange’s palm

“wOAH, you’re pretty eager aren’t ya??”

their remark flies over levi’s head as he tries to pick out two of the most presentable cupcakes

“you’re so fond of y/n, why not try a little harder like i said?” hange’s thrown the bait in the river and levi completely falls for it. he turns ninety degrees completely forgetting about the cupcakes.

“i’m talking about sport’s day if it isn’t obvious.”

he faces hange directly. he scowls twisted in fake disgust and confusion all at once

“and why would i care about that?” he shoots back

“after walking in on the both of you touching each other up in the janitor’s closet i’m really surprised you’re — mMMPH—” levi’s shoved one of the cupcakes into hange’s mouth

“you’re gonna have to pay for that–”

levi smacks some more money into their palm to appease the issue

“when did you see that and have you told anyone else?” he’s seething right now, there’s no way he or you were unable to notice someone as loud as hange prance into the storage cupboard accidentally

“i haven’t told anyone but it has only been three days since i saw so who knowsss...”

“i’ll do anything for you to keep your mouth shut.” levi’s practically begging at this point

“i think you should buy a whole box of cupcakes as compensation. my eyes will never be the same again.”

levi hands over more than enough money, he’s probably handed over enough for two boxes just for extra measure

it’s not that he’s embarrassed of you or anything no, no, not at all. he just, this sounds so stupid but he isn’t sure what the two of you are????

you’ve kissed, A LOT but the only problem is that there’s never actually been confirmation of... something more? than that?

he’s simply horrible at asking, and seeing the way you’re talking to mike it’s almost getting to the stage of borderline flirting

he’s currently flexing one of his muscles and levi’s unsure if you’re actually gawking at them or feigning interest so mike can get bored and leave sooner

his bets are on you pretending for the sake of mike leaving until you reach out to squeeze his arm appreciatively

...

what is this feeling??

insecurity?? a low self esteem??? levi isn’t entirely sure what the emotion that surges through him at that moment is

but hange sure does, grinning at the scene playing out they shove moblit with their elbow

well, well, well levi getting jealous is certainly something new.

when levi knocks on the door of your classroom you assume he’s come to bother you and ask for the spreadsheet with grade averages and all that technical stuff

english and math grades need to be compared side by side and even though it’s your job to help with the data analysis you’re pretty bad at it so levi’s the one who USUALLY picks up the pieces and does it for the two of you

occasionally mike steps in and helps when levi’s got other stuff in the way

“oh levi!! mike told me he’d be doing this month’s spreadsheet?” you’ve poked your head out of the door to talk to him

levi’s eyes narrow at that because he hasn’t asked mike for help at all.

“i didn’t come here for the spreadsheet but i haven’t even told mike to assist me this month... i wonder why he’s so passionate.” he mumbles the last part under his breath

opening the door up you wave for him to come inside “what you here for then?” you ask, oOoh maybe he’s finished reading an inspector calls?? finally you can talk to someone about the twist at the end

“i’m taking part in sports day properly.” the statement is unexpected and ?? levi ?? take anything other than math seriously ??

“woah... i’m proud of you?? i’m glad you’re seeing it’s important to show the children physical activity is fun.” your smile brightens up the entire room and he begins to feel a little more confident

peering up at him your curiosity doesn’t go unnoticed and he clears his throat, he knows you’re expecting him to say something else

ok, ok, ok. he thinks he’s built enough courage up to ask you

“i’ve never got the chance to ask but would you like to go on a date?” on reflex levi screws his eyes shut, suddenly he’s convinced you’ll say no and reject him. why would you accept??

“sure!”

his eyes flutter open and he feels you grip at the sleeve of his shirt.

well? that went better than he expected?

“where do you want to go?” you ask

“doesn’t matter, but let’s go somewhere after sports day finishes up.”

“are you barely going to try like last year?” you’re munching away at a granola bar - it’s rather bland and makes your throat feel kinda scratchy

you’re midway through drinking some water to deal with the dryness but you nearly spit it out when levi responds

“no. i plan on winning every single teacher event.”

HE WANTS TO??? beat???? everyone???

“you’re planning on beating mike too?” you tilt your head to the side incredulously

levi purses his lips at the mention of his name

“why does that sound so absurd to you?”

“he’s um, very good at sport that’s all.”

“i am too.” levi’s adamant to prove his point to you

“fine, here’s a deal. win at least one teacher event and i’ll try and solve one of your funny math problems or whatever.”

“what kind of deal is that??”

“you’ll be able to see me struggle with numbers, for free!!”

“no. i have something better in mind.” levi bites his smile back, he can’t let you know the idea makes him feel

“and that would be?”

he takes a step forward decreasing the space between the two of you.

“how about you kiss me in front of everyone?”

your mouth falls open because oh wow....? you have no actual problem with the task you’re simply surprised that levi is willing to put the both of you out there like that. the spectacle is bound to raise some eyebrows

“deal?” he holds his hand out for you to shake

you nod your head. “it’s a pleasure doing business with you.”

and so your deal is sealed with a firm handshake.

the big day has ARRIVED!!!

all of the students are flooding in through the gates. some carry footballs, other basketballs. you’ve been here for less than ten minutes and had to save a ball from crashing right into an expensive window.

everyone’s wearing active gear, udo walks in with a ski mask on?? which is peculiar but it’s humorous so you don’t tell him off for it

you’ve chosen a comfortable olive green tracksuit, you don’t think you’re in the mood for ski masks like udo is

coincidentally levi happens to show up in the EXACT same type of tracksuit?? everything’s the same to the colour. you both stare at each other for a moment trying to figure out how exactly you managed that but give up, you guess you have similar tastes

the accidental coordinated outfits have a few of your students pointing and chuckling together

gabi and falco are laughing heartily and whispering god knows what about the two of you

“three legged race partner?” levi asks as he fills up some water bottles for the water stand

“oh? mike asked me to be his partner.”

levi doesn’t make it obvious that he’s jealous about it because what adult would be jealous over a three legged race??

but even if you can’t tell levi is pissed mike sure can

he’s walking past the two of you, hands shoved into his pockets when he spots you a few meters away. his eyes sparkle when he sees you. it’s at that moment he senses the dark piercing glare coming from your right.

you’ve yet to notice mike but levi’s seen him approaching from a mile away and he isn’t particularly happy about it.

the good thing about mike is that he knows not to mess with levi.

the two have known each other for years and by now mike knows messing with levi is a death wish in itself.

so when the poor physical ed teacher notices the way levi glowers at him he calls out your name to get your attention - he’s much too afraid to get anywhere near you

“Y/N!!”

whipping your head around you wave at your race partner, why does it look like he’s seen a ghost?? you shove that thought to the back of your mind, he’s probably just tired

“petra doesn’t have a partner and uhh... i think levi’s free. could you work with him instead?”

levi turns away to smile to himself. ah how the tables have turned!!!

“but i want to work with you? it’s always y/n and levi do this. y/n and levi do that!! i wanna try with someone else.”

what you’ve said is a lie. honestly you’d just like to see levi get worked up again

but levi doesn’t get the memo at all. it flies over his head and he huffs thinking if that’s what you want he doesn’t mind. he’ll just show you how he feels.

“it’s okay. i’ll go with petra.” levi nonchalantly salutes at both you and mike as he walks backwards before turning around to locate the ginger in question

WHY DID HE GIVE IN SO EASILY???? YOU WERE JOKING?????

with your mouth open wide mike looks at you once and puts the pieces together

“guessing you wanted him to stick around?” you suddenly hear and god, you feel kinda bad

“oh no!!! i would love to be your partner.” looping your arm with his you smile up at him

whether or not mike believes you isn’t clear but he does return your smile.

there’s a few minutes till the three legged race starts, everyone’s running around. erwin’s knelt down to tie yours and mike’s legs together

as he’s doing so you can’t help but hear a high pitched windshieldy giggle leave petra and you visibly seem annoyed. that’s if your arms crossed over your chest and clenched jaw are anything to go by

levi hasn’t even said anything notably funny ???? what is she laughing at ????

he’s quite literally just standing there making awkward small talk with her

it goes something like this

“have you marked your exams yet?”

levi doesn’t realise she’s said anything till she taps his shoulder and he asks for her to repeat her question

“oh.” he thinks for a while. “no not yet. i’ve got better shit to do. i don’t see them till next week either way.”

and then she just starts laughing so hard that she has to hold her knees and when that isn’t enough she holds onto a nearby pole for support

you see where this is going

when her breathing gets even more uneven she reaches out to grab levi’s upper arm

YUP. you knew it. you can’t be mad at her really. no one knows you and levi are sort of a thing.

a thing? is that the term? well, whatever late night calls discussing books and a few heated kisses in private mean that’s what you are

levi stares at the hold she has on his arm and you expect him to shrug her off. instead he sees you look, smirks a little and waves all the while letting her hand stay there

and the icing on the cake is petra waving at you too and her eyes are much more expressive than she thinks they are

she’s internally laughing at you for sure.

ok, not a big deal, NOT a big deal!!!

this is just him getting back at you for before.

flipping your head back your sad expression probably catches mike’s attention because he seems to cave in

“want to make him jealous back?”

his suggestion is interesting but you catch yourself second guessing

“he’s doing that because he’s jealous.” you mumble shaking your leg to test the strength of erwin’s knot

“and? don’t let him win.” he glances at his shoulder gesturing for you to make the next move

nodding your head vigorously you throw your arm over mike’s shoulder but find he’s too tall to make that work so instead you settle on holding him by the side

it takes you a little to adjust to the close proximity but in the time it takes you to do that mike informs you of levi glaring at the two of you

“mind if i hold onto you here? we can coordinate our moves faster!!!” petra doesn’t even wait for levi to agree to what she says. she just flings one of her arms around his torso

again, he lets her just as last time.

this game of cat and mouse is getting tiring, maybe you should have kept your mouth shut when mike approached you.

“ON YOUR MARKS.”

your senses snap back to where you are. your grip on mike’s torso firms and he turns to nod at you.

you nod back.

you’ll win this.

“GET SET.”

“AND GO!”

okay, SO.

something in your game plan must have gone wrong but mike’s strength is something you’ve clearly underestimated. his first step is so powerful you don’t even have the time to start moving

you assume that’s how you collapse to the ground behind him and scrape your hands onto the cement of the track

so much for winning. all you’re doing is bleeding and hissing trying to cope with the stinging sensation

“mike?!?? not again??” hange groans and jogs over to the two of you untying the ropes at your legs.

“do we have to ban you from another event??? you’re too reckless sometimes.” hange smacks his chest and then hurriedly whispers “levi’s coming this way if you value your life you better bolt and use the first aid kit as an excuse.”

mike doesn’t even debate with himself, that’s his best bet at staying alive and so he dashes away as if he’s left the shower on at home for five hours unattended

some students are murmuring under their breaths and luckily for you the forever reliable gabi and falco have come to your rescue with bandages

“show me your hands.” levi’s hard voice interrupts all discussion. petra’s stood peering over his shoulder and you swear you catch her muffling a laugh

levi frowns. “you good?” he asks. you assume this answer will be the deciding factor regarding whether or not he makes this an issue with mike

“i’m great – trust me!! just a few scrapes.”

levi doesn’t look convinced but he let’s it go.

he helps you get up and takes the bandages from gabi thanking her.

“i’ll patch y/n up.” he tells hange pointedly and they agree. moblit at that moment happens to run over with a megaphone in hand.

“SHOWS OVER FOLKS!! WE’LL MOVE ON TO THE JUMP ROPE EVENT FOR NOW!!!”

“i’ll make him lose the one hundred meter sprint so badly he won’t know what hit him.” levi’s been grumbling the entire time he’s sat down to bandage your hands.

now that you’re both sat close to each other again murmurs of “matching tracksuits??” are back

“you don’t have to it was a mistake levi.”

levi shrugs eyes scanning his handiwork. “i want to. i’ve got to earn my kiss in front of a crowd anyway.”

gently letting go of your hand he looks out onto the track waiting to be called.

you’ve never seen levi give his full effort into sports day but even then you’re unsure if he’ll ever be able to beat mike.

honestly mike sure is fast and you recall one of the children referring to him with the nickname lightening bolt

and speak of the devil. a group of children walk past and are talking about the teacher’s race

“mr bolt’s gonna win for sure. you seen him run?? he could be an olympian!!!!” zofia’s gushing about him, she happens to be a big fan

the only nickname you’ve ever heard for levi is ursula – “ursula sure is evil for giving us that much work >:(” you had heard udo say once during class but after the earful he got from gabi he never used the name again, neither did anyone else

a few more minutes pass in a comfortable silence and levi’s called over to his lane. you’ve accepted the fact that there’s no changing his mind and he’s bound to compete now

“wait for me by the finish line.” he instructs and so you do. you go your separate paths. he to his lane (he’s in the lane two) and you to the finish line

petra’s already standing there waiting. her elbows are propped onto the railing peering out towards the contestants.

making your way to stand with her you see her sigh dreamily at levi in the distance

“hey, i know you don’t like levi a whole lot. you know your fued and all but do you think he’d say yes if i asked him out?”

well.

that sure is unexpected.

you fight the urge to scoff because you know you and levi are starting to drop more hints. is this her way of finding out the truth?

“me and levi don’t hate each other actually.”

“oh, well dislike.”

“we don’t dislike each other.”

“tolerate?” she takes her bottom lip in between her teeth trying to control her frustration

“petra. i like levi.” your confession knocks the wind out of her. you both silently exchange looks. she’s very clearly in disbelief.

the next time she speaks the previous playful lilt in her voice is long gone

“as soon as you noticed i liked him you just had to decide you liked him too. people like you make my skin crawl.”

?????????

why is she so bitter?.)/&£:

you can’t help liking levi and he likes you too,, so what now??

“he likes me back petra. can we be civil about this? i don’t like workplace drama. i had no idea you were into him.” you’re hoping that this will happen to shut her up but NO!!! it doesn’t she’s only more mouthy now

“prove it.” she points one of her manicured fingers into your chest and demands evidence she doesn’t even deserve to see

“what???”

“if he likes you back so much he should be able to show it.”

you know, if it were any day, any other time or any other person asking you this you would have out right refused, but given the circumstances and levi already waiting on you to kiss him in front of the entirety of the school you see no issue with having the last laugh in this argument

“fair enough.” you mutter and lean over to see hange announce the countdown

“ON YOUR MARKS.”

“GET SET.”

“AND GO!!!”

you swear you blink because GOD what on EARTH????? you don’t understand why previous to this levi balked at the thought of participating because he’s made it look so easy.

he’s not bolted he may as well have TELEPORTED to the finish line. mike is breaking out in a sweat far behind him and the boyish grin on levi’s face is enough to tell how he feels

gasps and applause can be heard from the children. zofia and udo are passionately arguing about some bet they’ve made - you make a mental note to tell them that making deals is fun as long as they don’t bet large amounts of money

levi’s jogging up to you completely ignoring petra’s presence

“told you i’d do it. i avenged you didn’t i?” you don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile so confidently in public 

you acknowledge what he’s said with a cartoon like thumbs up and then you’re staring at him unable to locate your courage

oh fuck it

you lean in hurriedly and steal a peck from him. he blinks and then scowls much to petra’s amusement. she has to think he’s about to curse you out but unbeknownst to her she’s read the situation wrong

“is that your idea of a kiss??”

and then he takes matters into his own hands – no literally into his own hands. he cups your face in his palms and captures your lips with his own. as you reciprocate petra can be heard choking on her saliva.

“OH well who would’ve guessed the english and math department had an alliance????? not me???” next is hange, they’re feigning shock even though they’ve known what the two of you have been up to this entire time

the whispers have now become full on shouts

“i KNEW it they were dating?!?!”

“MAN??? I HAD A CRUSH ON MR ACKERMAN WHAT NOW???”

gabi and falco are audibly cheering, you’re quite sure they realised what was up long ago

“DON’T BE UPSET BUT I THINK THIS IS WAYYY BETTER THAN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE!!!!” falco’s comment makes your heart rise in your chest

and you know what? you think so too.

as levi’s hand travels to the back of your neck pressing you further into him you come to the conclusion that maybe just maybe this is far better than pride and prejudice ever will be :-)

#i’m so sorry for making petra mean ?:!/):&: #levi #levi ackerman #aot #snk #attack on titan levi #attack on titan #aot fanfiction #levi headcanons #levi x reader #levi x y/n #levi scenario #levi fanfiction #levi fluff #fluff #aot fluff #leviiattacks #levi ackerman fanfic #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman headcanons #aot headcanons #aot imagines #levi ackerman imagine #teacher levi

[cottoncandyjester]

Yandere ocs

So I figured I should show them off..and make stories for them cause this idea won't escape my mind no matter what. Please be gentle on them

All artwork is made on picrew I don't own any of it

As far as they go I'm accepting request, questions for the characters to answer and just questions about them and if you just wanna talk to them you can via ask

Warning: contains both sfw and nsfw headcanons..also these boys are yanderes so they are kinda toxic

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

Theodore,21

Gentle giant

I'm not kidding he's 6'3"

Half japanese half american

Is a college student studying to be a doctor

Just the sweetest sweetheart

He comes across as ditzy though

He is the mom of any friend group

Will spoil his darling with affection and love

Best hubby vibes for sure

Works himself to death to provide for you both

Will give you all the headpats

"you're so sweet, a perfect angel"

Got his scar from his childhood

Loves sweets

Likes to make you lunch shaped as animals

Wholesome boy

Will never hurt you

Can be strict about self care

But completely forgets about his own self-care

Works so hard to please you

Makes sure you are never sad or anything

As far as his yandere side

He isn't the type to get violent but is definitely the emotional manipulation type

Will make his darling seem absolutely insane

"sweetie, you shouldn't leave be logical here"

He will make his darling question their own decision making

In his eyes you are too fragile for the outside world

Listen to him, he is only trying to protect you

Doesn't like it when you fight him

Prefers a sweet darling but if you are a hothead he'll love you just as much...though your fighting and struggling will be a challenge

Will drug you if that's what it takes to keep you calm

"Just listen to me, okay? Why would you ever need to think or make your own choices when you have me?"

Definitely has a low sex drive more of a cuddler

But when he wants it he's such a gentleman about it

Will seduce you with a nice meal first before asking to make love

He will never force you to though cause he knows what that feels like

Can spend hours kissing you

Definitely has a kink for purity

If you act super innocent he just can't help but pull you into his lap and love up on you

Doesn't do any feral sex unless you've pushed him past his breaking point.

Is a switch so if you want to top him he'll allow it but he is far more comfortable being the dom

Hikaru, 21

Young and famous model

Full japanese

Comes from a family full of actors

Flamboyant as hell will actually crossdress if he wants to cause fuck gender roles

Monster Dick energy

He comes across as loud and hyper

Seems super sweet and bubbly

Loves to dress up his darling in cute clothes and spoil them when they are well behaved

"look at my adorable baby! Oh you're such a cutie!"

Is a strawberry milk boba drinker(*cough* like me *cough*)

Will take you on shopping dates if you are good

Is the type to flaunt his credit cards

Is actually a degrading king

He isn't the nicest yandere

Will kill an entire army if he has to

Will degrade the absolute hell out of his darling to break your self esteem and self worth

"baby, who else will want you? Honestly darling do you think anyone else actually cares about someone as worthless as you?"

Kinky as fuck

Has a bad temper

Don't piss him off or he will hurt you

"why would you ever need to leave! The only one who cares about you is me! Everyone else will just use you and throw you away!"

Is the type to try and make his darling as clingy as possible

Wants a housewife type darling no matter the gender

Wants to come home to an obedient lover ready to give him a kiss, dinner, and a BJ

Always wants to love up on you and have you in his arms

Will be grouchy if he sees you getting too confident in your looks

He fears that if you have too much self confidence you're going to leave him

"what are you wearing? It's absolutely hideous. Hmm? I bought that? Huh you must have looked cute in it then but right now you kinda look like a pig"

All in all he's a brat

If you try and dom him he will absolutely fight back and it will lead to some feral sex

Axis, 18

100% blind

full japanese

Despite not being able to see he doesn't need a cane or anything

Though he likes it when you offer to hold his hand in public

Works at home as an artist

Is really good at it and had some of his work in museums

Like spicy foods

Dumbass

Like super dumb

"hey, babe is tomato sauce a smoothie? Or maybe it's like jelly..but made out of like tomatoes"

Is basically a puppy

Can't keep his hands off you

Is always kissing and loving you

Praise giving king

Has hightened senses so he definitely remembers your smell and how you walk

Always has to be with you

Never leave

Never

He can't handle it

Is the exact opposite of hikaru

Makes it seem like he will actually die without you

"don't leave! Please! I'm helpless without you! [Y/n]! Don't leave me by myself!"

Will make you quit your job

Will make you move in with him

Acts pathetic when you even mention leaving

Hugs your leg and sobs hard

Has fake fallen many times to get you to think he truly is helpless without you

Will have a screaming tantrum if you walk out the door

Just painful screams and sobs while he claws his own face and body out of absolute insanity

Will keep doing that until you come back to him

"s-see, I'm helpless without you. I'll die without you, I need you so please..stay with me forever"

As far as sex..

He is definitely cries during it

Loves you so much that he is just sobbing while fucking you cause you feel so good and he loves you and-

Is like a dog in heat

Loves just feeling all over your body

Sex with him usually lasts many rounds and involves him humping you to death while he sobs and drools all over you

Will sub for you if you want him to

Will honestly do anything you want as long as you are touching him

Prince, 24

Horny 24/7

Full Korean but moved to Japan shortly after birth

Gained his name out of a magazine..thanks mom and dad

Works as a bartender

Usually a one night stand kind of guy but with you it's different

Loves sloppy kisses and cuddles

Bad boy

Aka he pretends to be a bad boy but is actually a softie who loves dogs and long walks on the beach

Goofy as hell

Loves to make you laugh

He isn't used to having a real relationship so be easy on him

Doesn't like restricting you and lets you do basically anything you want

Of course you belong to him though so no doing crazy things

Like to take you to work with him and gives you free drinks

Definitely has a fan girl club

The word sex escapes his mouth every three seconds

Sex with him is usually amazing

He's knows exactly what he's doing

As long as you love him it's all good

The moment you try to break up with him or distance yourself he loses it

"huh? Huh huh huh huh?! You're kidding yeah?! Stop joking around"

Gets hella paranoid and locks you in his house while pacing around not sure what to do

Will kill for you like absolutely will slaughter someone if they get too close to you

He changes so dramatically it's hard to see him as the same laid back flirty guy

He gets tense and panicked

"you can't leave okay?! Don't even try to ask!"

Will start to calm down if he sees you are accepting your fate

Thinks sex will solve his problems

"you just need to see how much of a man I am yeah?! Then you'll stay right?! Of course you will!"

Spirals out of control

You belong to him in his eyes so you can't ever leave

Clearly has abandonment issues

Will try to do whatever he can to make you happy though

Want it and he will get it

just stay with him and he will be okay

Will try and do whatever he can to make you just as obsessed with him as he is for you

Clearly doesn't have experience in loving someone

He's not used to wanting someone to stay with him so he takes drastic measures to assure you never leave

Even tries getting you pregnant or making you disabled to make you make no choice but to stay

Yuki, 21

Not picking favorites buuut-

Sleepy boy

Oddly enough is super athletic and strong..despite not working out

Half japanese half american

Responds with sounds or very few words

Forked tongue- not given to him by choice

Owns a tattoo and piercing shop

Despite this he doesn't own any tattoos

Loves to put his head on your lap or stomach

Prefers chubbier lovers but honestly will love you regardless

Will sleep the entire day without eating if you let him

Doesn't like speaking but if he has to he will

Hates any sort of loud noise, has sensitive senses

Is pretty lazy but if he has to do it he will.. though he will make random grunts and grumbles the entire time while pouting

More of a cat than a person

Quite moody

Only you're allowed to touch him

Anyone else who does he'll glare at and act cold towards

Likes to hug you from behind and lean against you no matter your height

If you're shorter than him expect him to put his chin on your head

If you are taller he's nuzzling his face in your back and taking in your smell

Can't cook to save his life

Almost burnt the house down cause he fell asleep while cooking

It's fine cause he eats microwave dinners and snacks from the convience store

Low sex drive

The king of sleepy sex

Usually all sex with him is slow,teasing and just filled with sleepy praise and compliments

Unless he's jealous or stressed then it's just rough fucking

Doesn't really act like a yandere at all.. buuut-

Honestly thought you two were dating this whole time

What do you mean you two aren't a couple

No no sweetheart you two were dating the moment he laid eyes on you

If you try to break this fantasy he will shut it down

"we're dating."

Try and say no and he will not be able to handle it

All his delusions keep him from breaking down but if you absolutely say that you two aren't dating he will snap

"stop talking, we are dating. So stop lying"

Doesn't like the thought of kidnapping but he will do it if he must

Will even work from home if he has to

He isn't really a violent type so he won't kill for you but he will absolutely spread lies and use blackmail to get what he wants

All your friends and family think that you eloped with him and never want to see them again

It's better for you both if you just play along with his games

Will definitely tattoo his name on you

He won't ever gag you cause he likes to hear your voice but if you try to scream he honestly won't know what to do

The loudness makes him tear up and he just covers your mouth with your hands begging you to stop

"It hurt. Too Loud. Please."

He just wants to love you he doesn't see what he's doing wrong

He just wants to be with you forever so be good and don't fight him

Is definitely the stalker and stealing clothes type

Will make a nest of all your things that smell like you and he'll just lay in it being in absolute peace

Has scared any and all potential lovers away

Mostly through blackmail

He is easily jealous but pretends not to be

As soon as you walk into the house he is there to smell you to see if you smell different

If you do you are taking a shower with him immediately

If not then yay cool cuddles and kisses

#yandere imagines #yandere ocs #yandere #yandere asks #oc x reader

[hamiltonimagines]

Inside and Out

Pairing: Anthony x Plus Size Reader

Request: Anthony x reader at a Tony’s after party and the reader feels insecure. Using the quote “You don't have to be insecure. I love you and no amount of slim girls could change that.” - @irlydontknoanymore

Word Count: 1.8k

“Woah Y/N you look stunning” I heard Anthony exclaim. I was standing in our bathroom and I had just finished getting ready for the Tony’s after party tonight. I felt really insecure in the dress I was wearing. I had bought it a long time ago and apparently I had gained a few pounds since I bought.

Anthony walked up to me and put his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek. I didn’t even thank Anthony for the compliment, I was too busy staring at myself in the mirror and seeing all the areas of myself that I didn’t like.

I had always had some self-esteem issues, I tended to compare myself to other people. I just never felt like the most confident person, but I was lucky to have Anthony as a supportive boyfriend. He was always so encouraging and loving towards me.

“You okay?” He asked me, noticing I seemed kind of zoned out. “No it’s fine, I was just thinking” I lied, putting on a fake smile. “Well then, let’s go. It’s time for everyone at that red carpet to see how beautiful you look” Anthony said, grabbing my hand as we walked to the car.

We arrived at the party after only a quick drive. We got out of the car and we went over to wait to walk down the red carpet.

I was so excited to have an amazing night with my boyfriend and I wasn’t going to let my insecurities ruin a great night.

Then I looked down the carpet and saw Renée, Pippa, and Jasmine all smiling together for the photographers. They all looked so gorgeous, their dresses perfectly fit their curves and they just looked stunning. I couldn’t help but feel like they looked better than I did. They looked amazing and I felt like I didn’t belong at such a glamorous event.

Then Anthony and I got signaled to start to walk down the red carpet. We posed at the first spot, putting on smiles for the cameras. I felt like I was just faking a smile. Anthony seemed to notice because he leaned closer to me.

“I can’t believe that I get to call you mine, you’re so stunning” he whispered in my ear. All of a sudden, this huge smile was on my face. Anthony always knew how to cheer me up, he was the most loving person I’d ever met.

The rest of the red carpet was amazing. Anthony would occasionally whisper sweet nothings in my ear just to make me smile. As soon as we got off the red carpet, I pulled Anthony into a hug.

“Thank you so much, just with all the cameras and lights, I felt really insecure and you were there for me, just like how you’re always there for me. I love you” I whispered to him. We pulled and he brushed a piece of hair behind my ear. “Anything for you sweetheart, I’ll do anything so you see yourself as gorgeous as I see you” he said, kissing my cheek.

Then I felt someone hug me from behind. I turned around and saw that Pippa was hugging me. Renée and Jasmine were also standing next to her. “Hey guys, how are you?” I said, smiling.

“We’re good. It’s so good to see you” Jasmine said, politely. “All three of you look amazing” I complimented, truthfully. “Are you kidding? Have you seen yourself? You look like a model, Y/N” Renée said, looking at your outfit. I felt so flattered that they thought I looked pretty. “You’ve got a gorgeous girl Ramos” Pippa joked.

“Yes I do” Anthony said, kissing my cheek. “Now come on guys. We have a party to go to” Jasmine said. We all cheered as we walked inside. We walked inside and looked at all the decorations. Then the song that the dj was playing changed.

It mine and the girl’s favorite song. We always had girls nights and would always dance to this song. “Oh my god, it’s our song” Jasmine said, excitedly.

“Come on girls” Renée said grabbing our hands and pulling our hands to the dance floor. I blew Anthony a kiss as we all went to the dance floor. I saw him chuckle at how excited we all got.

We got to the dance floor and we all stood in a circle and we were dancing like our lives depended on it. We were having so much fun and belting the lyrics. Any insecurity that I had before was completely gone. I was just having an amazing time.

I grabbed Pippa’s hand and spun her in a circle as we were all still dancing. Eventually, the song ended and we all were exhausted. “That was so much fun” Jasmine said, and we were all out of breath.

“I’ll be back, I’m going to find Anthony” I told them, as I walked away to find him. I spotted Anthony standing at a table with Lin and Daveed.

I changed the direction I was walking to go over to him. I made it over to the table they were all standing at. “Hey! It’s Y/N“ Lin exclaimed, pulling me into a hug. “Hey Lin, what’s going on?” I said, as we pulled away.

“We were just talking about you” Daveed said. I had an unsure expression, “All good things?” I asked. “Of course, Anthony was just gushing about how amazing you look tonight” Lin said, smirking.

“Oh was he?” I asked, teasing him. “I always am” Anthony said, putting his arm around my waist and pulling me towards him. “Seriously, you two are made for each other. It’s almost scary how similar you are” Daveed said, laughing.

We all laughed and I felt Anthony kiss my temple and whisper “I love you” in my ear. “Alright, I want to go dance. Who’s coming with me?” Daveed asked. Lin held his hands up in surrender and said “that’s all you Ramos”.

Anthony looked towards me, looking unsure. I knew he was wondering if I was okay with him leaving. At this point, Anthony and I had been dating for five years and sometimes we could communicate without even talking. I smiled and nodded at him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with her. Go give Daveed some dancing lessons” Lin joked. “Alright, if you insist” Anthony said, laughing as he walked away with Daveed.

“So I know Anthony would of hit me if I said this in front of him. And I mean this completely in a friendly way, but you look amazing tonight. You really do” Lin complimented me. “Aw thanks Lin. I mean that’s what everyone keeps saying” I said, mumbling the last part.

“What? Do you not think you look good? Because trust me, you look like a movie star” Lin said again. “Thank you that means a lot” I said, pulling him into a side hug.

“Of course, you’re like my little sister” Lin said, kindly. Lin and I talked for a little while longer and eventually Anthony and Daveed showed back up, out of breath. They were both arguing over who was a better dancer. Lin and I were busy laughing at how competitive they both were.

Now, we had been at the party for an hour or two and I was really started to feel self conscious. I kept seeing really pretty women in gorgeous dresses that complimented their body. I felt like I couldn’t compare at all, and like my dress didn’t suite me.

I was sitting at a table by myself. Everyone else was out dancing. I scrolled through my phone, trying to distract myself. “There’s my beautiful girl” Anthony said, sitting down next to me.

I smiled weakly at him. He interlaced our fingers and I leaned my head on his shoulder. I guess he knew that I didn’t want to talk about it right now.

I just felt horrible in my dress. It was kinda short and tight. It also had really thin straps so you could see all of my arms. I felt like I looked too big for the dress.

“Ant, can I wear your jacket? It’s a little cold” I lied. “Of course babygirl” he said pulling away from me and taking off his jacket. He placed it over my shoulders and I could tell from him eyes that he knew exactly why I wanted it. He knew me too well and I could never lie to him.

Then I heard a slow song start playing. “Come on, let’s go dance” he said, softly as he pulled me out to the dance floor. We got to the dance floor and he held onto my waist and I put my arms around his neck.

“You look gorgeous Y/N. I promise, you don’t have to worry about it” he whispered and I leaned my head on his chest. I rested there and we danced slowly to the beat.

The whole time we were dancing, he kept whispering sweet compliments in my ear and I felt so loved. I felt myself tear up a little, just at how kind and loving he was. I looked up at him smiling and I leaned in to kiss him.

After the song ended, Anthony leaned in close to me and asked “Are you ready to go home?”. I just nodded at him. I went back to the table to grab my purse and Anthony said goodbye to everyone for the both of us.

We got in the car and rode home in a comfortable silence. Anthony held my hand the whole way home.

We pulled into the driveway and walked inside. We both silently started to get ready for bed. We had both changed into our pajamas. Anthony was brushing his teeth and I was wiping off my makeup. Neither of us said anything until we were both done.

I turned to face him and I knew he could tell I wanted to talk. “Come on” he said, interlacing our hands and walking into our bedroom. We both sat down on the end of the bed. “I’m sorry if I was a bother tonight” I apologized.

He interlaced our fingers. “You are never a bother Y/N, I promise. Loving you isn’t some tedious chore that I have to do. I love showing you love and telling you how special you are” Anthony said.

“I know and I love that you do that. I just felt really insecure tonight. The rest of the girls looked so good and they had tight dresses that fit their body so well. I just felt like I couldn’t measure up” I explained. “But that stuff doesn’t matter to me Y/N, I love you for you. Just because you aren’t a size zero doesn’t mean you are worth any less” he said, kissing the back of my hand.

“Thank you, it’s just hard to not be insecure sometimes” I said. “You don’t have to be insecure. I love you and no amount of slim girls could change that. You are beautiful inside and out” he said, looking lovingly into my eyes.

taglist: @someinsanefangirl @laurens-interlude @geekycatlover @fanfic-addict-98 @romanoffs-heart @multifandomwriterx @andreasworlsboring101 @criminallyhamilton @imatyoursurrvicesurr @irlydontknoanymore @bechloe47 @nyxie75 @rileygene11 @daveeds-whore @trost-town @notebookgirl30 @teenag1jealousy

Let me know if you want to be added to my taglist for all my imagines!

#anthony #anthony ramos #hamilton #hamilton cast #hamilton cast member #hamilton x reader #hamilton imagine #hamilton imagines #hamilton cast x reader #hamilton cast imagines #hamilton cast imagine #hamilton cast member x reader #anthony ramos x reader #anthony ramos imagine #anthony x reader #anthony imagine #anthony imagines #anthony ramos fluff #plus size #plus sized #plus size reader #lin manuel miranda #phillipa soo #pippa soo #jasmine cephas jones #renee elise goldsberry #daveed diggs

[kbstories]

impression//expression

"It’s not like Kirishima had come all this way to U.A. to immediately break the promise he made to himself upon arrival.

It’s just that Bakugou is as feral as they come, and the moment Kirishima recognizes it’s fear he felt crawling up his spine that day, he makes it his personal mission to face it head-on until it’s gone."

(Or: Being friends with Bakugou Katsuki is anything but a linear experience. Kirishima Eijirou would have it no other way.)

Tags: Kirishima POV, Developing Friendships, Post-Kamino Arc, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Kiri Has A Dog Because I Said So

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Content warning for anxiety attacks and discussions thereof. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9.

***

Kirishima comes to sunlight shining on his face and an armful of Bakugou.

It’s not a sudden jolt of consciousness that alerts him of this. His brain comes online one synapse at a time with how all-around cozy he is, bundled up in comfortably warm covers with Bakugou’s head nestled in the crook of his neck, his arm wrapped loosely around Kirishima’s waist. In actuality, Kirishima slept so well it’s legitimately hard to get himself to wake up beyond lazily squinting an eye against that bright glare.

Which is why his first move is to pull the blanket up higher and snuggle closer to his Bakugou-shaped pillow. Bakugou, for his part, breathes something between a mumble and a sigh and slumbers on.

Out like a light. He’s onto something there, Kirishima muses. For a while, he lets himself drift to the calm two-step beat of Bakugou’s heart keeping time against his chest, the gentle tickle of Bakugou’s hair under his chin. Blissful oblivion nips at the edges of his mind; his body can’t quite get there, though, that pesky bit of awareness clinging to existence despite his best efforts.

Urgh, fine.

Kirishima blinks with a little more purpose behind it. His vision is blurred from overall drowsiness and the murky half-dark the blanket provides. Bakugou is easy to make out regardless, face slack and close enough Kirishima can see the minute shift of blonde lashes as he snoozes. It’s the residue redness around his eyes that nudges Kirishima’s brain to wonder and think and remember–

Blue fire. Unread texts. The hospital, Kamino Ward, All Might. Bakugou.

All at once, the sight of Bakugou passed out in his arms is anything but a peaceful one. It’s intimate in a way Kirishima suddenly feels uncomfortable with, not because he doesn’t like it – in his educated opinion, any day starting with cuddling is good by default – but because Bakugou is the least touch-y person he knows and this is crossing so many lines. All the lines.

Lines drawn by unspoken rules and implicit understandings Kirishima learned by sheer trial and error. All those other times Bakugou let his guard down around him seem like peanuts compared to this.

But… Bakugou is resting. Catching up on untold amounts of missed sleep, looking far more relaxed than Kirishima could’ve hoped for. Perhaps it would’ve been better to ensure he makes it to his own bed instead of sharing the pull-out couch; perhaps Kirishima shouldn’t have pushed when things are so fresh. Kirishima’s hands ache to move from between Bakugou’s shoulders yet letting him go feels wrong, too.

It was far too easy, last time. To sit there and bicker in class while Bakugou faded from view, mere miles away.

The dread roiling within him is familiar, as are the maybes and what-ifs that accompany it. It returns like an old friend, the thought of losing him to people who mistake his violence for villainy, who disregard the good shining at Bakugou’s very core in favor of the hurt his hands can cause. The brightest star in the sky, burning, desperate to be seen, to be acknowledged.

It makes Kirishima restless, this feeling – like the air is growing thin and the ground is about to collapse beneath their feet, and it’s up to Kirishima to get them out of there. His blood thrums with the need to fight tooth and nail to keep whatever is causing it away, to shield Bakugou until the shaking stops and the debris settles.

Kirishima has failed Bakugou once already. Not again, never again–

“Think any harder an’ your brain’s gonna melt.”

Kirishima’s heart nearly stops, then jumps into overdrive. A hesitant glance proves that, yup, that’s Bakugou stirring, right there. Bleary-eyed and still far too soft around the edges but awake. Kirishima isn’t ready for this.

He’s also dead. Super dead. Buried-so-deep-nobody-will-ever-find-his-body dead.

He swallows, any sort of greeting escaping his mind except a quiet, “Oh.”

Bakugou yawns and rubs at his eye, a gesture made clumsy with sleepiness. “Mm?” He props himself up, a hand laid flat on Kirishima’s chest. “Calm down, will ya? Your heart’s goin’ like crazy.”

There are no words to describe how impossible that is right now. “Um”, Kirishima says intelligently, and: “Sorry.” A little sheepish, since he can’t exactly help what his heart does (or his brain, for that matter).

He is on the verge of panicking, Kirishima notes dimly. That realization alone does little to chase away the half-formulated doubts threatening to choke him, that inkling of fear that’s on the brink of spiraling out of control. A moment later, he has to consciously unclench his hardened hands from the back of Bakugou’s shirt, which–

Ah. That’s what woke him up.

“Shit. S-sorry, I–”

There’s a frown on Bakugou’s face as he sits up. “Nothing’s goin’ on”, he tells him, calm where Kirishima can’t be. “’s just my room.” Just as deliberate, the covers are pushed aside to allow cool air to flow into their private niche of the world. Everything’s so bright, so–

“Kiri? Hey. Give me your hands.”

It takes considerable effort to focus on Bakugou’s voice. “Whuh?”

“Your hands. Like this.”

Bakugou holds out his own, palm-up. Kirishima does the same, staring blankly at his trembling, rock-hewn fingers. When Bakugou holds his palm, it’s with a touch Kirishima can barely feel. “Focus on this”, a low murmur followed by pressure to the meat of Kirishima’s thumb, faint despite the bones in Bakugou’s wrist showing from the effort. Bakugou slides it upwards and to the webbing connecting to his index, marginally more giving.

“You’re okay. Just breathe. Focus, right here.”

The touch shifts again, down to his wrist. Kirishima lets him do whatever, watching with a detached sort of fascination as his quirk relents. Bakugou’s thumb brushes over the spot where Kirishima’s veins are becoming visible again, the skin there thin and delicate. He digs in, an inch or two from his hand.

It’s a little rougher than before. Not unpleasant, just unexpected, and Kirishima’s fingers twitch. Bakugou’s lips press together. He does it again, notably gentler. “You with me?”

Kirishima hums. The question registers a moment later and he nods for good measure. “Yeah, I– It helps. This.”

“Mh.” Bakugou gestures for his other arm; he starts from his wrist and goes up to his hand this time, eyes on what he’s doing. “Pressure points are useful shit. You got one here”, a pinch to that spot between thumb and index, “and here”, a tap to his wrist. “Works best if it’s someone else doing it but you can, too.”

That sounds vaguely familiar. Perhaps something that came up the last time he googled it? Panic attacks used to be much more of an thing for Kirishima – before he hair-dyed and bench-pressed Red Riot into something more real, more than a distant daydream. More than a scared kid with shitty self-esteem.

(Life’s been manageable, since. Chaotic and distressing in a host of other ways as it swings back and forth between joy and disaster like fate’s cruelest pendulum and actually, it might be a bit of a miracle it took this long for his anxiety to make a comeback.)

Memorizing any new info is beyond Kirishima right now; he strong-arms his braincells to hold onto the term ‘pressure point’, at least. And if Bakugou is sharing, Kirishima figures it’s only fair to share back.

“The one I know is like, deep breathing? And, um. Talking through it. Counting things you can sense. What you see, hear, smell, and so on. It’s just…”

“Hard to do that by yourself, yeah.”

By this point, Bakugou is just brushing his thumb along the lines on Kirishima’s palm and that feels really nice, too. The image of his hands clawing up worn fabric is hard to shake off, though, making Kirishima’s stomach churn with guilt.

“Sorry, man. For waking you up, I mean. And freaking out on you. I didn’t hurt you, right? You’d tell me if I hurt you.”

It’s meant to come out with confidence, because Kirishima trusts Bakugou. It’s trusting himself that's the problem, sometimes.

A groan, long-suffering. “How many times…” Bakugou gives him a look caught between annoyance and fondness. “Kiri. First off, after yesterday, I have no fucking room to complain when it comes to– That. It happens, it sucks, it’s fine. It’s not your fault or whatever. Secondly–”

Kirishima almost chuckles at how pointed that one word is. He shelves the comment on his tongue for after the Bakugou Lecture he’s being treated to.

“I fell asleep on you. Which, my bad but also fuck you, I was tired and some fucking sap wanted to talk feelings at screw-this-AM. There’re no… scratches or anything, and you make an okay pillow for being a literal rock. So, we’re even.”

Kirishima does laugh at that. “I’m not a rock! Get your facts straight, bro.”

“And thirdly”, Bakugou continues with a smirk, “I just turned your hands into bombs, you dumb fucking rock. Either you let me spark it off you or I’m kicking you out to wash it off before that shit goes boom.”

“Spark off?” Head tilting, Kirishima looks at his hands. He doesn’t see anything but if Bakugou says there’s nitro, there’s definitely nitro. “Wait, is that what you do when you…?”

The gesture Bakugou does to let rapid-fire explosions flicker in his palms is easily copied, Kirishima has seen him do it countless times. The other rolls his eyes.

“Yeah. I got tired of getting it all over the place and wearing gloves twenty-four-seven is uncomfortable as fuck, I tried. Plus, burning shit is fun.”

Huh. Kirishima holds out his hands once more, a swift grin on his lips. “Sounds cool. One sparking off, please!”

Bakugou slaps them away immediately. “Use your quirk, dipshit. Or d’you actually wanna get ‘em blown to pieces?”

“Oh. Right.”

Everything under Kirishima’s elbow hardens in an instant. This time, Bakugou huffs under his breath and takes them between his palms. “Here goes.”

A flash, the familiar crackle of firecracker explosions – Kirishima braced himself for it to hurt a little despite Bakugou’s insane control over his quirk, and he does feel it. It tickles, mostly, the sensation of tiny bursts of heat rolling from his fingertips to his wrist a strangely soothing one.

Bakugou looks over his hands when he’s done, the tightness between his brows easing. Then he glances up to Kirishima’s face and sees the smile that’s broad enough to make his cheeks ache. The frown comes back tenfold.

“No.”

“Dude, yes. Do that again.”

“Nope. Fuck you, Shitty Hair, no.”

“You said it’s fun two seconds ago! Checkmate, I win.”

“Kirishima.”

Kirishima snickers until Bakugou’s palm presses against his cheek. It’s basically second nature to harden in time for the explosion to go by harmlessly and oh, this is so going to become a thing.

“It’s a thing now”, he informs Bakugou. “Can it be like our handshake? We totally need a handshake. What kind of besties are we withou–” A gasp. “Oh, oh, we can do the thing after training, too! I won’t even need to wash my hands. It’s fun and useful.”

Bakugou’s face twists. “What the hell? That’s fucking disgusting.” In one fluid movement, he’s out of their blanket nest and stomping off the couch. It would be intimidating… if not for his wrinkled shirt and sleep-mussed hair making it kind of adorable, instead.

“I’m done talking to you.”

“Aww, bro!”

Kirishima crawls half-way over the armrest only to catch a throw pillow – hah! – to the face. Another thud follows, turning out to be Kirishima’s phone tossed from across the room.

“Even mooched off my charger, ugh. You got a million missed messages. Take care of ‘em before your moms call the cops, bro.”

Bakugou's tone is practically drenched in sarcasm but Kirishima doesn’t care, he beams. Bakugou called him his bro and there’re simply no take-backs allowed on a declaration like that.

*

💪🏻 Kirishima Power 💪🏻

Mama K: Honey, are you awake yet? (received 10:10)

Mama K: Your mom and I are ready to come pick you up whenever. (received 11:20)

Mom: also let us know when we can start hunting your teachers for sport (received 11:22)

Mama K: No murder until our son is back, dear. (received 11:22)

Mom: mhmm sure (received 11:23)

aaaa morning!! (sent 11:38)

oh shit it’s almost noon hhhh (sent 11:38)

Mom: language kiddo (received 11:38)

oh crap** sry (sent 11:38)

Mama K: Welcome back! ❤️ (received 11:39)

hey mama ❤️ (sent 11:39)

ok so picking up is good!! we’re eating breakfast rn (sent 11:42)

well more like lunch 🙈 (sent 11:42)

Mama K: Okay! Now or later? (received 11:43)

ah, mitsuki is saying you two should swing by for tea so maybe in an hour? (sent 11:47)

and that the teachers are actually coming here?? later?? idk why tho (sent 11:48)

aside from, y’know (sent 11:48)

Mama K: Yeah 🙁 (received 11:50)

Mom: how’s katsuki holding up? (received 11:50)

umm ok. kinda. he looks tired as heck tbh and i’m not sure how happy he is about the teacher thing (sent 11:55)

it’s all a bit oof (sent 11:56)

Mom: hmm. anything we can do to help? (received 12:01)

def give him his space (sent 12:03)

and maybe don’t kill aizawa @Mom looking at u haha (sent 12:03)

Mom: bummer (received 12:06)

actually… one more thing? 👀 (sent 12:10)

Mama K: You want us to bring the big guns, huh? (received 12:12)

*

After the hellos and introductions and obligatory fussing over Kirishima – Mama gives him her usual forehead kiss, expertly avoiding his freshly-spiked hair, while Mom wraps him in her patented rib-pulverizing hug – the parents go inside, leaving Bakugou and Kirishima in the yard with…

“Riot.”

Kirishima grins and nods. He heaves the hundred pounds of tail-wagging excitement into a more comfortable position against his chest, big paws coming to rest on his shoulders. “Yeah! Isn’t he the cutest?”

“Your dog is called Riot.”

“Yup!”

Bakugou openly stares at Riot’s drooling smile. After a painfully long pause, he goes: “Okay.”

If all it took to make Bakugou speechless was an Akita with an unexpected (?) name, Kirishima would’ve introduced him to Riot ages ago. As it is, it’s taking all his willpower not to crack up at Bakugou’s expression. It’s like watching one of those ancient Windows computers suffer a system crash so severe even the task manager stops functioning.

Arms full of dog, Kirishima nudges him with his elbow. Reboot initialized. “But?”

Bakugou shakes himself a little. He gestures to Riot, or perhaps to Kirishima, or both? It’s hard to tell. “But… just, like… Why?”

Priceless. Kirishima silently vows to cherish this rarest of blessings in his memories for eternity. It won’t do to rescue Bakugou only to give him an aneurism the very next day. Setting Riot down, Kirishima pats orange-white hair off his borrowed clothes. The Akita immediately trots over to Bakugou to say hi. 

“I got Riot when I was really small, like six-ish? Seven? Something like that.”

Bakugou crouches and holds out his hand for a curious black nose to sniff. Kirishima sits down next to them, watching Riot take a deep whiff and promptly sneeze. Bakugou mutters something about explosives and dumb dog, be careful. Despite the forced casualness on Bakugou’s part, it’s clear he’s not used to being around dogs.

Still, he’s trying. Kirishima’s grin tempers to a soft, close-lipped smile at the sight.

“Back then, I only had a vague idea of who I’d wanna be. As a hero, y’know?” He reaches over to scratch Riot’s favorite spot at the base of his curled tail. It starts wagging immediately. “I was tossing around a few names and somehow Riot stuck. So, I tried it out on him and by the time I realized ‘Yup, that’s the one!’, he didn’t wanna listen to anything else.”

Riot pants at him, mouth wide. Kirishima boops his wet nose. “Yeah, I’m talkin’ about you. Stubborn dog.”

“You’re telling me your hero name got stolen”, Bakugou summarizes drily. “By a dog. When you were six.”

Figures that’s what Bakugou would get out of this. Kirishima snorts and shrugs.

“I guess? Riot – the hero, not the dog – existed way before the whole ‘Red’ stuff came along, ‘cause like… Crimson was out there, I knew he existed, but his philosophy was a bit beyond me. He wasn’t my hero yet, you feel me?”

Bakugou hums. “You weren’t a hero nerd yet. Just a space nerd.”

That startles a laugh out of Kirishima. He knocks his shoulder against Bakugou’s. “Exactly! See, you get me.”

“Shut up, nerd”, comes the predictable reply with a rougher knock back.

Eventually, Bakugou joins him in the grass, his knees propped up and elbows resting on them. Riot makes himself comfortable as well, sprawling on his side with his head resting on Bakugou’s thigh. The full might of pleading canine eyes look upwards. Bakugou squints. “The fuck.”

“He wants scritches”, Kirishima translates readily.

A beat, then Bakugou carefully rubs the knuckles of his index and middle finger in-between the white spots on Riot’s face. Riot huffs a content sigh and melts into the gentle touch.

“Hm. He’s soft.”

“Right? As a puppy, he was the softest and tiniest thing you can imagine. Wait, I might have pics on my phone. Gimme a sec.”

A bit of searching, and Kirishima taps on an old photo of him as a kid, pointy teeth flashed in an impossibly big smile as he hugs a chubby ball of brown fluff close to his face. Mama had dug it up from some dusty family album in a bout of nostalgia after Kirishima broke the news he’d been accepted to U.A.

“Behold: Baby Riot.”

Kirishima shows it to Bakugou. Only after Bakugou’s brows rise does he remember he’s probably never seen him with his natural hair color. Whoops.

Studying the photo for a moment, Bakugou continues to pet the adult version of Riot absent-mindedly. “He looks like a potato.”

“Wha–” Kirishima checks the photo to make sure it’s the same one. “Bakugou. It’s a puppy. It’s like, scientifically proven puppies are the one and only road to world peace. Hello? Nobody hates on a puppy, especially this one.”

Whatever face he’s making has Bakugou smirking, eyes sharp under a brow raised in challenge. “It’s got a weird shape and is brown. Potato.”

Kirishima whines. “Why are you like this? Riot, don’t listen to him, man. You’re the best.”

Riot has fallen asleep, oblivious to the outrageous claims being made in his presence. It’s better that way – the good, old boy deserves better than this slander.

Bakugou is looking down to the snoring dog, too, and something about it must soften even a prickly hedgehog heart like his because he sighs and grumbles: “He’s kinda cool. Maybe.”

Gotcha.

Kirishima pumps his fist in sweet, sweet victory. Nobody, not even the eternally grumpy, can resist the Kirishimas’ secret weapon.

*

On the way back home, Kirishima messes around with his camera until he’s managed a half-decent selfie of himself and Riot sharing the backseat of his parents’ car. A brief moment is spent hovering over his chat with Bakugou.

It’s the first time he’s opened it since– Since.

Baku 💣💥

[riot(s).jpg] (sent 16:58)

thanks for hosting me man 🐶 (sent 16:58)

dorm life, here we come!! (sent 16:59)

The tension in Kirishima’s chest is knocked loose as the ticks turn blue without delay, closing the gap to the ones from the lodge like it never existed. It unwinds entirely when, a handful of minutes later, Bakugou replies.

Baku 💣💥

idiot (received 17:05)

see you soon (received 17:05)

>>Chapter 6

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha #bnha #bakugou katsuki #kirishima eijirou #kiribaku #bnha fanfiction #i wanted some fluff so i gave kiri a dog #this fic is also on AO3!! #reblogs appreciated c: #my stuff

[spidercakes]

Have a high school ABO AU for funsies featuring omega Tony and alpha Peter. And also for funsies Tony is the feminized one, just to switch it up a little.

*

“Maybe if you stare at him harder he’ll start to like you back,” MJ says, shaking him out of his reverie. He looks away because he didn't mean to stare but Tony is really pretty and its hard not to look.

“Why don’t you ask him out?” Ned has the audacity to ask. “Why are you looking at me like that, prom is like a month away this is literally the perfect time. Just saying.”

Peter squints at him, “he’s turned down like seventy people. Pretty sure he doesn’t want to go.”

“I heard he was waiting for someone specific to ask,” MJ says.

“After turning down seventy people? That person has to have an impenetrable self esteem and I’m flustered when cats don’t come to me. No thank you,” he says, waving his hands around. He’s fine with being rejected from afar, that’s more his speed. Like, pre rejected- he’s fine with that.

MJ rolls her eyes. “Better hope its not you he’s waiting for,” she mumbles.

Peter squints, “you realize he’s the prettiest omega in the school and I tripped and fell into a mud puddle today, right?”

“Some people find that kind of thing endearing,” MJ says maybe in his defense? Its hard to tell with her sometimes.

“I think its endearing,” Ned says entirely unhelpfully.

“You’re like... supposed to think that,” Peter tells him. “Its your best friend duty.”

*

MJ shakes her head, “that idiot is hopeless and you should just take Rhodey instead,” she tells him.

Tony frowns, “aren’t you supposed to be on his side?” That’s like... the rule of best friends. Unless they’re being super stupid then its probably best to tell them that.

“Not when I basically told him that you were waiting for him to ask you out. God, I basically just said it like that and he was all ‘wah, I get upset when cats don’t walk over to me,’” she says in a falsetto tone, waving her hands around.

“In his defense so do I.” He puts effort in okay, its nice when the cat walks over and acknowledges that.

“You two are made for each other,” MJ mumbles. “You should ask him out, that’d save you a lot of time and stupidity.”

He sighs, “well, seems how drastic measures didn’t work.”

*

Gym class is like... meant to torture math nerds like him and Peter is totally thinking of starting a revolt against the man when the gym goes silent. He sits up, mostly spurred on by Ned’s surprised face, and looks to where everyone else is to find Tony walking in, heels clicking as he goes. Peter wishes he had that much confidence. And that sense of balance. He looks behind him, curious to see who Tony is headed towards but there’s only like three people behind him and they’re all staring at him.

He turns back around to find Tony standing all but over him, hands on his hips. “Honestly Peter, you really need to learn how to catch a clue but that’s fine, I can do the work here,” Tony says, shooing Ned away from his feet before stepping one foot over him and gracefully sinking himself into Peter’s lap.

He has like... five hundred fantasies that all start like this but not in gym class where everyone is staring at him. Or in gym class at all because ew. “Um. Hi,” he says, unsure what the hell to do here. He’s kind of afraid that if he moves he’ll spook Tony away, which is ridiculous because Tony is a person not a deer and he’s also too brave for his own good.

Tony links his fingers through Peter’s and leans forward, pinning his hands above his head. Oh god, that’s worse. Better, but worse.

“Mr. Stark, can you not... molest Peter?” the gym teacher says and at least it shakes Peter out of it a little.

Tony looks little more than annoyed. “You can wait five minutes, Dench,” he snaps, turning his attention back to Peter and wow he’d never say that to a teacher. “So, since you’re like... next level dense and haven’t been taking MJ’s hints you want to go to prom with me or not? I’m a bit bored of waiting on you to ask.”

Holy shit this is happening. For a few seconds he’s pretty sure he’s responded but the way Tony raises his eyebrow at him suggests he only agreed in his head. “Is there like... anyone who’d actually turn you down? Because I feel like the answer is obvious,” he says eventually. He sounds more confident than he feels at least.

Tony snorts, “oh, probably not but I’m selective so. You need a blue tie to match my dress and sit with me at lunch,” Tony tells him, getting to his feet just as fluidly as he sat and walking away.

“Bro,” Ned says with meaning.

“I’m so sweaty and gross I can’t believe that happened now,” he says, earning a ‘what the fuck’ look from Ned and yeah he needs to get his priorities straight but also.

*

Peter has no idea when the hell any of this happened but Tony seems content to fill him in on the details and that involves him sitting in Peter’s lap and he is fine with that. He wraps his arms around Tony’s waist, happily listening to him go on an animated rant about the near detention he got for the whole gym scene while MJ laughs.

“I told you that you’d get in shit,” she says.

“Oh my god, I sat in a dude’s lap, that’s not a fucking crime! Anyway, Rhodey once told me I could argue the hair off a dog so I figured I would put my talents to the test and the principal literally said it wasn’t worth his time to argue with me so now I don’t have detention,” he says, grinning.

“You’re the best,” Peter says, so lost in his glow of Tony that he doesn’t even realize how stupid that sounds.

Tony takes to it fine though, perking up and grinning, “I know.”

#tony stark x peter parker #starker #alternate universe #fanfiction #prom au

[written-on-the-trees]

Remington Leith Fan Fiction - Bad Day

The Trees’ October 2020 Writing ChallengeDay 10/31

Prompt: Ugly

Word-count: 1600 words

Warnings: none

Summary: Skye knows everyone has days where they feel self-conscious, but that doesn't make the days she feels that way any better. Her boyfriend Remington thinks she's beautiful no matter what, though, and honestly? That helps.

Skye looked in the mirror and frowned.

 Her clothes weren’t fitting right today. She knew it was a stupid thing to say - clothes couldn’t change, only the body wearing them did - but it was the truth. Her clothes were the same as always, but she was bloated and now everything just looked too tight. And since she was a bigger girl anyway, it really wasn’t a good look. Add in the fact that she hadn’t washed her hair this morning because she’d woken up late, and the fact that she was having a break-out that left red spots all over her chin…Skye really wasn’t happy with her reflection today.

 It was already hard enough trying to keep her self-esteem up when it came to her looks.

 Remington and his brothers were all incredibly good looking, and their girlfriends were even more gorgeous. Shy constantly looked like a model, and Larisa was literally paid to make other people to look good, giving her plenty of skills to make herself look good too…in comparison, Skye felt like she just couldn’t measure up.

 Normally it was fine. Skye was used to the way she looked, and she knew she wasn’t ugly by any standard, she just wasn’t model pretty like Remington or Shy or Larisa. Normally she would look in the mirror, think ‘yeah, I look cute today’, and carry on with her day.

 Unfortunately, today wasn’t a normal day.

 Even more unfortunately, there was nothing Skye could do about it.

 Sighing, she packed a tube of concealer and compact into her handbag, and headed downstairs to wait for Remington. At least it was only having dinner with Sebastian and Larisa - something that was common enough that no-one was going to judge her for showing up in jeans and a peasant blouse with her hair in a ponytail. She might not feel super confident, but at least it was just Remington’s family. And only two of them, at that.

 Two people - or three, if she included Remington - Skye could handle.

   Of course, I’m not having a good day mood-wise, so why should my luck be any different?

   The bad feeling in her gut when Remington texted her to say he was waiting outside should have been warning enough, but Skye ignored it. Instead she took a deep breath and a moment to put a smile on her face before heading down to meet him.

 He was ecstatic, grinning like a madman with a smile so wide she could see it from the door of her apartment building. If anything, the sight of her boyfriend’s genuine smile made Skye’s forced one feel even harder to keep in place, but somehow she managed it. She grinned at him as she slid into the passenger seat, accepting the peck on the cheek he always greeted her with with her usual giggle.

   “Hey, good news!” Remington said excitedly, his grin somehow widening as he settled himself back in the driver’s seat: “Emerson and Shy are bringing mom to dinner. It’s gonna be great!”

   Skye grinned and agreed - even as her heart sunk.

 She’d met Stephanie and few times, and the older woman was genuinely lovely, but Skye just wasn’t feeling it today. She felt ugly and sad and tired: as much as she liked Stephanie, and as much as she didn’t want to upset Remington, because she adored him, today just wasn’t a good day.

 Still, when they got to Sebastian and Larisa’s, Skye smiled and accepted the hugs she was offered from Stephanie, Larisa, Shy, and Emerson. She thanked Sebastian when he handed her a glass of wine, and she stayed by Remington’s side, allowing him to keep is arm about her waist the whole time, even though the feeling of being touched was making her skin crawl.

 What else could she do?

 It wasn’t Remington’s fault she was having a bad day, nor was it any of the Kropp family’s problem that she was feeling a bit off. It wouldn’t be right to take it out on them, so all Skye could do was just grin and bare it, and wait for the earliest opportunity to go home.

   And stay out of all the family pictures.

   The last thing she wanted was a reminder of the fact her bad mood had been started by the fact she felt ugly.

 All night, Skye played the helpful girlfriend as far as pictures were concerned, never giving Remington (or anyone else) the chance to get her in the picture. Whenever Sebastian and Larisa wanted a picture with Mishka, Skye took it for them. When Emerson, Shy, and Stephanie were struggling to all fit in a selfie, Skye offered a helping hand. And when Remington wanted a group photo of all of them at the end of the night, Skye was the one to say she’d take it and stay behind the camera.

   “But babe, then you won’t be in the picture.” Remington pouted: “I wanna remember us all being here.”

 Skye just laughed it off: “But everyone else will be, so we’ll know I was the one taking it, and that I was here too.”

   Remington continued pouting, but accepted it nonetheless. Skye took a few pictures, making sure they had a few good ones, before handing Sebastian’s phone back to him and excusing herself to the bathroom before their ride home, leaving Remington to chat with his brothers and his mum.

 And if she took a little bit longer, leaning on the bathroom counter with her back to the mirror as she scrolled through Twitter, then it was only so her boyfriend could have a little more time with his family. It was nothing to do with the weary feeling that had settled into her bones during dinner, nothing at all…except for the fact that she really needed to have a minute to herself before she went back downstairs and put a smile back on her face to make sure no-one caught on to how much she was struggling to be around the family tonight.

 Only, apparently, she hadn’t managed to fool everyone at dinner.

   Stephanie was waiting outside the bathroom door when Skye opened it: “Is everything alright, Skye?”

 Skye did her best to smile calmly: “Of course, Stephanie.”

 “Are you sure?” the older woman pushed gently: “You seemed a little bit quiet at dinner.”

 “Oh, I didn’t mean to be.” Skye pretended to be surprised that Stephanie had thought she was being quiet.

 Steph still wasn’t fooled - but she didn’t push: “Well, if you weren’t alright, you know you could come and talk to me? I know I’m Remington’s mom, but that doesn’t mean I only care about him or that I’m necessarily going to be on his side.”

 Skye smiled, because she could tell the offer was honest, and she was really touched Stephanie had made it: “Thank you, Steph. That’s a really kind thing to say.”

   The older woman nodded and left it at that, switching the topic to what Skye’s plans were for Christmas, and the lack of them, as they walked downstairs. If she’d said anything to the others about thinking Skye had been quiet, they didn’t let on, and it was all the usual hugs and cheek kisses as they said goodbye. Skye accepted all the affection the way she normally would, smiling all the way through it until she and Remington finally could finally leave.

 Although, to be honest, she wasn’t surprised when, half-way through the journey home, Remington turned the music down low enough for them to speak.

   My luck really is as bad as my mood.

   “Are you okay, babe?”

 Despite her exhaustion, Skye turned to give Remington her brightest smile: “Of course I am, sweetheart.”

 “You sure? Because normally after a family dinner and a day at work, you don’t have this much energy.” Remington raised an eyebrow: “You’re only this cheerful after a long day when you’re forcing it…so…are you okay?”

   Skye froze…because he wasn’t exactly wrong. She didn’t mind omitting details to get out of answering questions Stephanie asked to avoid difficult conversations, but lying in response to Remington’s direct questions felt like a different thing entirely.

   “I’m having a bit of a bad day.” she admitted: “I didn’t want to ruin dinner by making it anyone else’s problem.”

 “Babe, no.” Remington leaned in to wrap and arm around her shoulder: “If something’s bothering you, I want to hear about it.”

 “It’s dumb.”

 “If it’s bothering you, then it’s not dumb.”

 Skye sighed: “It’s just…I’m on my period. It means I’m bloated, I’ve got spots breaking out, and I just feel really ugly, not to mention tired and sore…”

 “Aw, hun…” Remington took stopping at a red light as a chance to kiss her on the cheek: “I’m sorry; that sounds shitty.”

   Sky didn’t respond - there wasn’t really anything to respond with.

 It was shitty. That was the be all and end all of it: it was shitty, and just like every other month she had to deal with that shittiness until it went away when her period was done. She’d accepted that.

 Of course, that didn’t mean Remington had.

   “Why don’t we have a quiet day in tomorrow? We’ll go to bed when we get in, and we won’t get up until we feel like it.” he suggested: “I know I can’t really empathise…but I can cuddle you until you feel better.”

 “That sounds really good.” Skye smiled, because it did.

   So that was exactly what they did.

 And it was really, really good.

#The Trees Writes #The Trees' October 2020 Writing Challenge #Remington Leith fanfic #Remington Leith fan fic #Remington Leith fan fiction

[moxazza-blog]

A hand in play

As trading card inspector settled in Southern Dakota, you are on your way to judge the symposium in your city, there have been some judgings that you've been unable to get to, but you're feeling fresh and in with the sport. The first thing you do is rearrange your trading card folder. It's a lot of work, but you figure you can make the most out of this time by getting all the information on your cards and putting them into one place. These cards you have accumulated as of the most newish seem to fly off the trading card stock, bloomingly. Well, you get to the symposium, and are quite surprised to find that Jacob is there. "Dude, I went to your house…you're here." "Been here the whole time, man. Didn't know you'd be here though. You like what you see?" You say "Some of these were downright from the last collection, friend" "Yeah, the last collection you had was a good one." Jacob grins, and continues to think for a second. "Oh yeah! Speaking of good ones…I got another one for you!" You say "oh yeah?" Jacob stands up and extends a folder, which you take. "It's about 90% complete. You in?" Your eyes widen "Hell yeah!" This is gonna be awesome! There's about a two page spread of the new collection, which you can't help but grin at as you flip through it. The images are all in color and crystal clear. You say "hey, Jacob, I've been meaning to tell you this, but I think I might have a world record in some of my newer cards.." Jacob looks up from the folder. "Yeah? Go on." You grin with anticipation "I've got the youngest person to own a katorm!" Jacob looks at you with surprise. You say "Yeah, and if that isn't overzealous enough I've also got the.." Jacob continues to look at you, with a surprised look. "The what?" You put on your best look of seriousness. "the Tallest man to own a katorm!" Jacob says "wow, that is really amazing. do you think that anybody besides me would truly care? Or would they just think I was just being arrogant." "I wouldn't be surprised if someone else has the same record, I was only able to get to like, 3 people taller than me before they stopped measuring. You say "well, let's get on down to the central seating" You look over the map once more, and make your decision. "Jacob, come on let's go see the new cafeteria!" as the two walk on down to the cafeteria, a moment strikes you when you waddle onto an ownerless folder of some cards. You pick it up and flip through the pages, some of which have missing images, but most are still there. Suddenly, you get that chills you always get when looking at some of the rarest, most valuable cards in the world. You say "holy shit, would you take a look at what I've just found!" Jacob is as impressed as you are amazed. "That's, that's insane! How the hell did you find a set of World Record folders?" You grin widely, as Jacob slowly opens the folder. "God, I can't believe it!" As Jacob reads through the folder, you continue to flip through the cards. "These are listed at 1,000,000,000,000 Valparasio Gold Coins." "Whoa." "That's not a misprint, that's real money!" Jacob begins to flip through the folder with you. you just decided to jump on out of there, even before someone else might see you, and attack your kingsly loot. You get to the next train, with haste. The two of you ride down to the next station, Jacob slowing down to make his way through the forest of people. You say "this is a really kingsly ransom. once you've owned it for more than a couple of minutes, you'll really get to cataloging it" Jacob grins from ear to ear. "I can't wait to come back here and see how much I've grown to have." You chuckle. "Well me too." You say: "but the foremostly me, Jacob, my dear friend" Jacob puts the folder in his pocket and continues to make his way through the crowd. "Well, we should get on down to the next station before it starts getting dark. You shrug your shoulders as the two of you make your way down to the next stop. Soon, the two of you are on the platform for the last stop on the line. A single light burns there, illuminating the shapes of the few people on the platform. "Well, this is it. our stop." Jacob says. "Yeah. I should get off here." You say "do note, not to take any of the come upping to another trading carder" Jacob seems a bit worried. "But why, why would I need to do that!" You raise an eyebrow, and lean in a little closer. You say: "because you want to" You lean in a little closer. "Because this is a really rare folder, and I've become the one to take it." Jacob looks down, shuffling his feet a bit. "Well.. okay." You nod your head slowly, as if to say 'thank you.' Then, you nod again. Soon enough, you were both at Jacob's place. You hopped out of the carriage, and waved it down the road. As you walk with Jacob towards his house, you find yourself twisting the folder in your hands. Looking it over, and over again. Truly the most happenstance day that you've had, and in equal parts most frightening and exciting. A rare feeling of happiness washes over you. "So, uhm…." Jacob begins, a bit nervously. "Do you mind if I ask what your plan is?" Well, I am immediately going to take some of the higher esteemed cards and exchange them for money. One by one, as I set footing into truly owning this collection. I plan to use it as my primary source of money, as I'm sure it will be for years to come. You show no signs of stress, as Jacob continues to speak. Then, you get to work. You begin selling the most prized cards slowly, making sure to always keep at least one of each batch. Then one by one the tale was told next to the several month inning, you were spending lavishly, and had more money than ever did you did have. You loosened up a bit at this. Then, you finally got around to selling your own collection. After a few weeks, you had made enough money to pay off your father's debt, and go off to further pursue your dreams of becoming a trader. On along, there was a symposium that came and left, but you were up to the right next one after that. Jacob in compliance. You stopped for a break at one of the rest stops along the way, and Jacob begins to do some sell in his left hand. "So.. ?" He looks up at you, smiling. You say "good trading day? Man, let me tell you, I've been having it flushed" Jacob laughs, raising his hand. "Nah, man. It's been alright. Some good, but some bad too. You'll see in a while." Backing a nack you were on to seeing the second presentation, and it turned out you were the second to present. You got up there and began to tell the crowd about the folder, exchanging glances with Jacob who gave you the 'get to work' glance at the right time. Sparing no expanse at relaying whatever it was about each card, but limiting yourself fully in accordance with having found this set at that time. It was a success, and the crowd loved it, giving you a loud round of applause when you were done. Next up it was Jacob's turn to get up and tell the crowd about his findings, and you couldn't help but feel a bit of anxiety as people listened with bated breath to what he had to say. He went up beaming, like you had done before you. "The files, a set of trading cards that have been around for more than a century, and we have found them!" He paused, looking around at the crowd. You say "Oh god, what has he done now!" "We have found the copy of the first bend set!" You heard someone in the crowd exclaim, and you saw Jacob jump a little. "Yeah!" You say "This was down to the nitty gritty what with this ole storymanship." Jacob looks at you briefly, before continuing. "We have found the first collection of trading cards, with the first bend set on them!" He's exclaiming it fully now, in direct inaccordance with what you have explained. "We have found the very first set of trading cards made for the sole purpose to be used as a part of a pack of playing cards!" You say "Oh no he has gone on and done it! Shit, we better get out hastily." Jacob nods. You say "This was Jacob fully explaining about the dastardly event we were meant to keep secret" Jacob pauses for a second, before smiling at you. "Told you it was all going to work out." You smile back, relieved that your friends confidence in you and his decision had paid off for him. Or so it was most to see…. "And now, I got something special for you guys." Jacob announces. You get the impression he's talking about more than just this find. "What is it?" You ask, as Jacob stands up. "You'll see in a minute." With that cryptic answer, Jacob makes his way off the stage, and towards the back of the room. "What's going on?" Someone asks. "Hush!" The man behind the desk says, looking around before standing up and walking towards the exit. The room is silent, as you begin to wonder what the hell Jacob has managed to find. You see a man walk onto the stage, and you frown, knowing who it is. "Hello." He says, looking out at the audience. There's an awkward silence, which you try to break. "Um, Harvey Kielling is here?" You say. "Yes, and correct you if you can." He smiles. Once more, this was down to the nitty gritty. Was he really the owner of the cards? It can't be. But then, he's been everywhere the cards have, and that includes London. He owns a store that specializes in them, and he has written books on the subject, at least two of which you've read. He will not ask for them back, as so it figures. You sigh in relief and say "Righto! That about does it, as you call for Jacob to leave." "Right!" You say, standing up. "I'll do the talking, you call for Harvey and tell him that we're leaving." Jacob nods nervously. "Right, I'll go get him." You nod, as Jacob quickly leaves the stage, and heads down the isle. You watch him go, before turning to look at the crowd of people watching you. They all seem to be enjoying themselves, but this does nothing but make you feel self-conscious. You look at the man who runs the museum, he's taking notes on a little pad, oblivious to what everyone else there is thinking. He spots you looking at him, and winks before returning to writing. You say "Say, is Jacob even going to amount to this plea." Jacob foots strongly toward Harvey, this was down to the lively wire. Once he had asked him for the cards, you had a decision to make: Help him, or let him take the fall and lie about how he came to have the cards. You had thought it through. Since you were up to it, these first ever set of trading cards were printed in at least a duplicate, so it'd take some guts to explain away. Jacob had a reputation for getting caught doing stuff by his parents, and this was no exception. He would lie, and claim he had found the cards, along with claiming you had stolen them. Well, he did. and as much bad luck as that was, it wasn't going to stop you. Jacob looked up at Harvey, who looked down at him, then back at you. "Harvey?" He says in a quavering tone. Harvey looked like he was going to go postal, but then gave a little smile. "Jacob, you scared me there." He chuckles. "Jacob, you snuck out of the house and came all this way here I caught you red handed with my cards. I think it's only natural to assume I'll press charges. But, since I am a nice guy, I'm going to let you give them back to me. Not right now though, I think you know what that means. Without me hearing a word, the two had their bargain up, to quote. You weren't exactly sure what was going to happen, Harvey had a very intimidating stare, but Jacob had no fear. Soon as Jacob came down around, he found it very explanatory to confess, but he rather held his pose. "Well" you said, "let's get on out while we still can." You take your leave of the museum, with Jacob hobbling along behind you, and soon as you were out in the open, you snapped him back. Snapped back the camarader. "How long till we get home?" You ask. Jacob thinks for a second at his answer. "Oh, about a hour and a half." Half an hour too right, and we were up to my station of the neighborhood. Now, who would have guessed it, besides Jacob, that Harvey Kielling was there in turn to accomplish setting down the feat of having his cards returned. Many of them you had sold already. But, in a little while you made it home, as the sun was beginning to lower. Then you gangplanked into him. Harvey Kielling in all his right. You say "So, is this going to come down to a fight, or a lawyer mess, both of which you would sorely lose?" You're a teenage delinquent that recently broke into the house of the rich kid, and you've stolen some really nice things… You make that your point right there. "Look," you say, "You make it sound like I don't have a choice." "You don't. But you sure do have a choice of how you're gonna do it." Hmm… Jacob looks at you. "You think you can handle him?" You think for a second. "Well… " You say "Yes." You nod your head. "Okay then, let's do it." Jacob nods slowly, but his smile returns and he grins. "Well then, let's go!" As you thunderbluss the old man, right there on the street corner, nothing had felt this right since bestowing most of the collection on Ebay. You had tackled the old man to the ground, and were in the process of snapping his neck when a voice from behind had stopped you. "What are you doing? Get off!" Jacob said. You spit on Harvey and get on up to your apartment. Like a nimble navigator unsurely getting back to his cocoon.. You were to return home. Harvey was not a trouble for the next week or two. He had then hired a cracker team of private eyes to find you. You never stayed at this place again, and whenever possible, you would stay out of the city or go someplace you have never been before. Ransoming were there to find you three days after you ran your first and only foreclosure operation. It was a one hit wonder. Harvey had gotten everything you had stolen back… And then some… In a dilated money pack, that was. You reminisce of that time at your friend's place. The night is still as black as the heart of the spider. Jacob finds that he has a chuckle or two to spare… You say "That there was the ransom. And I would've gotten to keep this sudden influx of new money, had you just not gone off and telling everybody back there at the colloquium. Which, I am in fact, not going to stick you with." "What?" Harvey says, looking at you. "I don't understand…" "Yeah you do," Jacob smiles. You say "Says it. No wonder" "Oh… Really?" You find yourself laughing out loud, and have to put your hands over your mouth to contain them. "What's so funny?" "That." You chuckle. You say "That, this whole thing. Saved by an Ebay bid. It's comic." Jacob shakes his head and mutters to himself, "So, it seems." That your friend finds himself a bit more at ease in this encounter says it all. Done was it.

#short story #fiction #tale #tradingcards #mishap #original

[im-the-punk-who]

Now, we don’t have time to unpack all of that 

i’m seriously...so tired of being alone lmao. and i know everyone is - we’re all alone right now. but my alone-ness started before the pandemic - in fact i was just starting to be ready to climb out of it when this whole thing hit, and i’ve been stuck in a place i’m ready to move on from with no real way to do so. 

Steve got all the friends in the breakup. all but maybe four friends have either stopped talking to me completely, or only in that vague facebook way when i ask directly for help. I’ve lost probably 90% of the personal connections I made during the last five years. And I can’t make any new ones, not only because of the pandemic, but because i’m terrified of...what will happen when I inevitably fail again. I know i’m not good at making and keeping friends. It wasn’t ever something i was taught how to do, seeing as i never stayed in one place long enough to have them when i was growing up. i learned to be alone, and depend on myself. i learned that trusting other people was how you got hurt, and ostracized, and hurt, and hurt. 

and i really have tried? i have tried and tried and tried to tell people this, to make them understand that to be my friend means to accept this, to TELL me when i’m not being a good friend, or when i’m going too long talking to them. when they feel ignored. when i do something insensitive. 

and yet all i get is ‘oh no i would never do that to you, i’ll never leave you, well I love you and i understand and i think youre great.’

and it’s. god it’s so disheartening because then when i DO inevitably fuck up, push things to far because i get hyperfixated and nothing else matters- not even the boundaries of the people i care about - i’m the bad guy. i’ the one who didnt listen. im the one who didnt care. i’m the one who left, who was too insensitive.

and i’m not saying i am not or wasnt those things. i was. but i try - god i always fucking TRY to explain at the outset that i am like this because i have no frame of reference to be anything else. that i am trying but i need HELP. i dont need understanding, and while compassion is nice and love is great, what i need sometimes is a slap over the head.

and yet every time i get this. ‘i’ll never leave you’ - at this point i’m so conditioned to losing people that say this, I accept that at the point someone says that to me, the relationship is over. 

Steve said that to me six months into when we were dating. I knew the night we got together we weren’t going to work. but for three years i hung onto the hope that if i tried hard enough to change myself, that if i hung on that the kinks would iron out. i was fucking stupid. i was really, really fucking stupid. i wish i had been more honest, and open, and i wish i hadn’t tried so hard to insist that it was just trauma, or immaturity, or that we would grow into being able to cooexist.

The sun peeks over the horizon in a futile attempt to catch a glimpse of the night sky that is now retreating in its presence, for no two things so entirely opposite could ever coexist in the same place at the same time.

I wonder how that escaped our notice for so long.

i’m obsessed with trying to grow and fix and heal and try. i fail, but i am always trying. steve excels at accepting themselves for who they are. their flaws are their flaws and they are okay with that. 

like i said. this wasn’t news to me in 2016, and it sure as hell wasn’t news in 2019. 

i am feeling abandoned and hopeless and now, without a way forward since any funds and all the work i put into myself over the past 8 years - believing if i was successful enough and i could at least hold up my financial stability as proof that i was different (from my siblings, since my parents always said the reason they would never loan me money was because my siblings were all deadbeats who had never paid them back a dime) - believing that if I at least had that, i could accept that personally i was a failure. that it wouldn’t be a failure if i had something to balance the scales. i am dreading the emotional response when my credit score - which was finally consistently in the high 700s and low 800s, plummets to 680 because i have maxed out every source of money i have trying to stay alive and keep my pets alive, with vet bills and a roof over out heads. it seems small and inconsequential and it shouldn’t matter so much. but it does. that number represents years of sacrifice. that number represents the fact that i was getting somewhere. that i had value i could measure(which may seem unhelpful, but it was. it was beyond helpful for my self esteem and confidence to know i had assets i could use to help myself and those i cared about.)

and now i’ve lost both and i know the mountain is not unclimbable and i know the path i have to take and i know i can make it. but it also means i know the rocks i will stumble on, i know the caves that smell like death i will have to shelter in. i know the cold and damp i will endure. i know how many times i will stumble and fall and bleed and cry and scar. i’m fucking tired, and i’m alone, and knowing it gets better doesn’t make it any easier. knowing how to make it better doesn’t make it any quicker or less painful. and there is still that pesky thing called personal relationships that i will once again have to put aside to stabilize my financial life. again. 

i am bitter. i am trying not to be. but i am. i’m so fucking bitter that i am never going to get an apology, or even an acknowledgment of the fact that the hurt went both ways. that i am going to be the bad guy to people who said (not just steve) that they would love me and would understand and would support me. that i did not even warrant an explanation to their disappearance, as if my sins themselves were explanation enough. as if i know what i did and am the only one at fault. i still see pictures of steve alongside the people i still think of as my friends and they look happy and like they are at least not alone, and i have not heard from anyone since before the start of this year. 

no matter what i do it always leads to the same outcome.

I am so goddamn fucking tired. i am trying not to panic. i am trying so hard to be conscious of the patterns i will fall into. of the patterns i fell back into with steve. i am writing everything down in the hopes that if i survive this i will be able to track myself better. to be more aware of myself. 

sorry means nothing if you don’t change your behavior. 

sorry isnt what i want. it’s never what i want. i want to see that no one will go through what you put me through. what we put ourselves through. 

i am feeling very alone, and i wish i had something to hold onto, someone i could talk to who would understand. but they’re all gone. i dont want to open up to anyone anymore. 

and i know this wouldnt be as bad if i could make some new friends, if i was working, if i had something i could do to throw my focus into. i’ve always been great at distraction.

anyway my plan is to get super drunk on shitty beer in the true fashion of my alcoholic family lineage because i’ve given up on healthy coping mechanisms. those didn’t work, so at least these ones feel better. 

#personal post #alcohol mention #depression mention #uhhhh just a lot of really unhealthy behavior #bad relationships and drama and just a lot of shit #feel free not to read this is 100% just for me so i have a record #also really not looking for advice i promise you ive heard it or thought it or tried it

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title : Hinata’s Body

Author : @kleine-aster

For : @yuzuria

Rating/Warnings : T. Some angst, some unrequited feelings, some sadness and an android body

Prompt : Any setting (can be regular hpa / tdp au or something else) where Hinata and Kamukura are separate with Hinata and Komaeda having feelings for each other (can have established rship or not) and Kamukura having unrequited feelings for Komaeda

Author’s Notes : Okay so I was very intrigued by the idea of Hinata and Kamukura being separate, so what I decided to do was write a story where Kamukura is the one who survives after the end of SDR2 while Hinata sacrifices himself, but might still exist on a hard drive. After pulling the others out of the program, Kamukura is using his genius brain to build a new body for his other self, and naturally Komaeda takes way too much interest in it, while Kamukura takes an interest in him.

It turned out really weird. But hey, it’s written with love so I hope you like!

“How’s it going, Kamukura?” Komaeda asks as he makes his entrance, holding a plate of food.

“It’s fine,” he replies, without looking up from his work.

It’s an empty exchange, a friendly puff of smoke. Komaeda seems to find it reassuring when Kamukura tells him what the status is, and Kamukura humors him.

They do this every night. They have a routine; a ritual.

He should hate it.

There is no point to him being fine or not fine, and there is no point in making Komaeda feel better or worse. But it’s not something he used to do, so it’s a progression. A movement. It’s better than inertia, which makes his brain feel like a hill of fire ants.

So he doesn’t hate it.

He doesn’t lie, either. He feels fine. He’s been working on Hinata for weeks now, and he hasn’t grown bored of it yet. It’s surprising, which in itself is welcome. Building a whole person from scratch, a person that, once finished, will be indistinguishable from a human being, is a difficult task that presents a new problem every day. Every piece of Hinata is like a clockwork that has to be meticulously crafted. It sharpens his mind and helps him focus on something beside the deep monotony of existing in a world this slow.

The Hope Cultivation plan has taken Hajime Hinata apart, and now Izuru Kamukura will put him back together. It’ll be his ultimate triumph. And it provides him with something to spend his time on, as Nidai’s softball league is not an option.

Every day, he spends hours in the laboratory with Souda, soaking up his talent and knowledge as they discuss some of the more mechanical aspects of the body he’s building, and then he works alone until late at night. And every evening, around the same time, Komaeda comes to visit him to bring him dinner and ask a variation of the same question, to which Kamukura gives a variation of the same answer.

No-one has tasked Komaeda with coming to him. The Ultimates seem extremely nervous to task Komaeda with anything at all. He comes here because he wants to.

For a while, Kamukura had thought he knew the reason. Then he’d realized he was wrong; it’s rare, but it happens.

When he’d last seen Nagito Komaeda, he’d been ready to slobber all over his shoes. But Nagito Komaeda’s interests have shifted. It makes him more tolerable. Less predictable, too.

It’s better than what he was before.

“Put it there,” he says, with a curt nod toward his unoccupied work desk.

He turns his gaze away from Hinata’s wrist, which is open, bleeding wires all over his workspace, to quietly follow the movement of Komaeda’s hips as he comes over with his offering of food. It’s   pleasing to look at and it entertains him. He doesn’t care about the food outside of knowing he needs it to live, but he’s grown to like that part. Komaeda hasn’t noticed yet; it’s a side-effect of his low self-esteem.

He hears the clink of the plate as it’s set down almost tenderly, and then the soft huskiness of his voice.

“Please remember to eat, Kamukura. We all want you to take care of yourself.”

He sounds painfully, aggressively pleasant. Kamukura used to find it grating, but by now he’s mildly fascinated by all that effort Komaeda puts into an act that nobody seems particularly interested in. He’s seen him how he really is. He’s seen the depth and the madness. The sweet demeanor is a nervous tic, like a cough, a twitching eye. A symptom of something deeper and uglier.

He’s -

- not a thought worth pursuing.

Kamukura directs his attention back to Hinata’s new body on the slab in front of him. It’s almost finished; it already looks more like a sleeping young man than it used to, covered to its chest in a sheet, eyes closed peacefully, a soft restful expression on its face. It’s one of the best things Kamukura has ever done in his brief life. But it won’t be a masterpiece until he uploads Hinata’s conscience back into it. It’s waiting on his desk, contained in a half-melted hard drive.

Kamukura is confident he’ll be able to do it. He’d call it giving him his soul back, if he thought in those terms.

It’s what Gods do.

“May I have a look?”

Komaeda stands beside the desk, humbly waiting to be called on like some pet, smiling as if he doesn’t care either way. But this is it. This is why he’s really here.

Komaeda is in love. He’s in love with what Kamukura is doing. He’s passionate about it, which is the one thing Kamukura envies, because it’s not something he can feel. He can’t even conceptualize wanting something this much.

“Turning a hopeless outcome into a hopeful one,” he’d exclaimed when Kamukura had revealed his plan for the first time. “How wonderful!”

“Drivel”, Kamukura had replied, but Komaeda had kept coming back, anyway.

He huffs in response to the never-changing question. “Stop asking. You know I don’t care.”

He doesn’t mind love. It makes people stupid, but it also makes them act out in ways that aren’t always predictable. It pushes them to extremes sometimes. Komaeda is one such person. He’s prone to extremes. Once he has his permission, he moves fast. He approaches the slab with a bounce in his step, eyes glinting excitedly. If Kamukura lets him, he’ll follow him around the lab like a ghost, following his every move, every little touch he puts on Hinata’s body. He’d sit on Kamukura’s shoulder if he could. Sometimes, he stands so close he’s breathing on him. She used to do that, too. But Enoshima had always smelled bubblegum sweet, like cherry and strawberry and artifice. Komaeda has a scent that’s more unique to him and the effect is different.

He’s concluded that Hinata had probably been attracted to him, even if it was subconsciously. It would explain why Kamukura reacts to him, too. Residue.

“Be quiet,” he advises him, before diving back into tinkering with Hinata’s wrist. The wires have to be laid carefully, like single strings of hair. He’s tied up his own hair so it won’t get in the way. He works for a while, with Komaeda standing next to him, before he notices how quiet he is.

“If you don’t start breathing again you’ll pass out soon,” he remarks.

“…”

There’s a long exhale as Komaeda squeezes out all the air he’s been holding in, because of course he’d stopped breathing when Kamukura told him to be quiet. He’s stupid for someone who is  occasionally smart, and normally Kamukura wouldn’t interfere. But if Komaeda drops, he’ll have to step around  his unconscious body while he works and it’d be a bother.

“Thanks - ”

“I told you to be quiet.”

“…”

“Tissue.”

Komaeda already knows the command. Kamukura hears him roam around for a moment, and then he’s back, delicately dabbing a piece of cloth against his forehead to get rid of the sweat, so he doesn’t have to interrupt his work. He does it earnestly, like it’s the most important thing in his life. His touch is cool and pleasant. His voice is soft.

“Good?”

“Yes.”

Kamukura sees him smile in the corner of his vision. It takes him a moment to notice he’s not smiling at him.

“It’s beautiful,” Komaeda says, eyes trained on Hinata’s resting body.

He’s beautiful.

Is what he means.

But he doesn’t even know. Because he’s stupid for a smart person.

Kamukura drops his pincer into the tray. “I’m tired of you now,” he announces. “Get out.”

***

“Kamukura, how’s it goi - oh! I’m sorry.”

That’s different. That’s not like yesterday or the day before. That’s not how the routine goes.

Kamukura wrinkles his brow. He tries to determine the cause. Now he’s sorry? What is he sorry for? Why -

Oh.

It’s that.

Hinata is naked. Earlier tonight, he’d had to do some work on his inner thigh, and he hasn’t covered him back up yet, since there was no point to it. And now Komaeda is standing in the door with his plate, looking like someone who’s seen something he shouldn’t have.

Foolish.

“Put it there,” he says, because Komaeda is being useless.

“Right! Of course.”

He hurries to place his dinner on the desk, lowering his gaze as he passes by Hinata’s body, which…

Stupid.

“You - um. You seem quite busy, so maybe I should - I should leave,” he offers once he’s done, which is new. “… Yeah.”

He says that and then shuffles his feet, like someone who doesn’t want to leave at all. Kamukura tires of games like that, stating one thing and meaning another.

He looks up from his work to fixate him with crimson eyes. “Does his nudity bother you?”

“No -!”

Too loud. Hoarse, too.

He catches himself, but the embarrassment in his little laugh is telling. “Not at all. It’s all scientific, right?”

Kamukura watches him try and fail not to peek. His voice grows even throatier. “He’s - ah. H-he’s quite anatomically correct.”

“Why would I build him anatomically incorrect,” Kamukura huffs, when his engineer’s pride spikes for a moment. Then he realizes that Komaeda, being Komaeda, hasn’t intended to say that out loud.

The Ultimate Lucky Student doesn’t blush; it’s something Kamukura has noticed. Whether it’s a symptom of his failing health or a quirk of nature he doesn’t know. But he knows that he’d be blushing right now if he could.

He has an impulse he finds hard to resist. “I used my own measurements for everything,” he comments, casually, reaching for another tool on his work bench.

It’s a painfully obvious statement, deeply pointless. Yet it pleases him to say it. It pleases him, too, when he hears Komaeda swallow at that. He feels it, in his chest and at the base of his spine, and he likes that it makes him feel.

Komaeda can’t seem to tear his eyes away from Hinata, even though now he’s pointedly not looking there. Kamukura watches him fidget with his hands, and instinctively knows that he is fighting the urge to take Hinata’s sheet and tenderly cover him up, as if he was alive and not a thing for now. What a fanciful, gentle notion.

It gives him another impulse. He shoots him a sly look from behind fine dark hair.

“You can help me with something.”

This makes him finally look away from Hinata and at Kamukura. His surprise is genuine. “Me? Really?”

“Yes. It’s what I said.”

Komaeda’s pale face lights up at that, and it makes him look more like the submissive puppy Kamukura remembers from the boat. It’s not as revolting as it used to be.

“Feel free to direct me however you want,” he purrs, eyes nearly glazing over at the thought of being involved in the process.

He never seems to notice when his brain picks words like that.

Kamukura feels a slight stirring of something physical, but it doesn’t matter. It’s unimportant for the purpose of this exercise.

He takes a step back from the slab and nods in Hinata’s direction.

“Touch him.”

Komaeda fidgets again. He’s nervous. Eager. But nervous. “Where…?”

It’s slowing things down, and it’s tiresome. Komaeda has always wanted to touch Hinata, it’s exhausting to watch him pretend he doesn’t. Kamukura would roll his eyes if it wasn’t such a trivial and performative thing to do.

“Wherever. It doesn’t matter.”

He waits while Komaeda approaches Hinata’s body, cautiously, as if he is precious. Which he is; there’s a fortune’s worth of tech inside him. But that’s not what it is. He looms over him, hand hovering, looking unsure and captivated. Kamukura sees his eyes dart toward what’s between Hinata’s legs for a moment and that’s very expected, but then he settles on touching his arm.

Kamukura knows what shyness looks like. Shyness is frustrating because it delays things. But many people seem to consider it sweet. Hinata might have, if he’d seen it.

He doesn’t want to look at it anymore, so he looks at the controls on his tablet instead. “His skin is a new blend of specialty silicone,” he explains. “It’s supposed to feel exactly like real skin.”

He looks up to where Komaeda is awkwardly, gingerly touching Hinata’s arm as if he’s afraid to wake him up.

“How does he feel?”

“Real. But. Cold.”

The corners of Komaeda’s nicely shaped mouth turn downward.

“He feels like a corpse,” he says. He says it with authority, because he has most likely touched more dead bodies than Kamukura cares to know.

He sounds like he’s in mourning, which annoys him.

“It can’t be a corpse if it never was alive,” he coldly points out, even though they both already know. “But keep touching it. I need to check something.”

Komaeda nods. He looks solemn, tightening his grip around Hinata’s arm.

When Kamukura looks back at his tablet, he feels the spark of something. It must be excitement. He’s been waiting to do this, and Komaeda is a better guinea pig than he could have ever asked for. He wants to see his reaction as much as he wants to see if it works.

He puts his finger on one of the levels on his screen, which is set at zero, and slowly begins turning it up.

It doesn’t take long before his guinea pig begins to stir.

“Oh!”

Komaeda’s lips part. His eyes grow wide, then begin darting back and forth between the arm he’s touching and Kamukura working in his tablet. Whenever he looks at him, he looks at him as if he was doing magic.

Kamukura doesn’t hate when he looks at him like that.

“How about now?”

“Its - incredible.”

Komaeda begins to smile, shakily and unsteadily, the kind of smile that can dissolve into tears within seconds. He’s trembling all over, clutching Hinata’s arm as if he won’t let go again.

“Does it feel real?”

“Yes. He’s - he’s warm. He feels alive. Oh -”

Komaeda’s fingers caress Hinata’s artificial skin, slide down until he reaches his hand, and then takes it. He squeezes it as if it could feel, and then he looks up at the body’s face with brightness and hope as if he expects it to make an expression, open its eyes, because somehow he feels so much that he forgets what it is. Kamukura wonders what it’s like to feel this much. It must be tiring. He’s growing tired merely looking at it.

Kamukura has real skin. The skin that used to belong to Hinata. Komaeda could touch it, if he wanted. But even if he did, he wouldn’t act like that, he wouldn’t -

…

So the tech works. That’s all he needed to know.

He turns the level that controls Hinata’s body heat back down again. Watches Komaeda’s face fall as it grows colder and colder under his touch, until it’s fully cold again.

“Don’t get so worked up. There’s nothing in there,” he tells him.

Komaeda’s mouth turns into a thin, trembling line. “I know.”

He abruptly lets go of the body’s hand and turns away.

“Excuse me,” he mutters, then he rushes out of the lab before Kamukura can kick him out, which has never happened before.

“Thanks for the demonstration,” Kamukura says, but he doesn’t seem to hear.

***

Komaeda doesn’t come by the next day. But he returns the day after that. When he pokes his head in and asks, “How’s it going, Kamukura,” it’s lacking.

Kamukura knows he has hurt his feelings. But feelings are immaterial, so it cannot be helped.

“Fine,” he responds. “Put it there.”

Komaeda follows his orders as he always does. The movement of his hips is stiffer than usual, but Kamukura still likes watching it.

“Tissue,” he says, to see if he’ll do it.

He hesitates for longer than usual (when he hadn’t hesitated at all), but then he’s there, next to him, dabbing his forehead. His touch is as cool and gentle as always.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come by yesterday,” he says, voice warm and pleasant, resetting things. It makes sense. He still needs him, after all. “I couldn’t - couldn’t make it.”

“I was bored without you,” Kamukura replies, because lies are a waste of time.

“Oh?” Komaeda says, and then nothing else, but he stays.

He stays quietly by his side while Kamukura closes the skin over Hinata’s finished wrist, smoothes it until there’s not a trace of his painstaking work left. It looks more perfect every day.

“It won’t be long now,” he says. It’s good to have someone to say things to, so it’s good he’s here. He thinks that, once Komaeda has no need for him anymore, he might miss it. He will know what it’s like to miss something. That’s a progression, too.

He hears a sudden, fluttering intake of breath beside him and looks over. Komaeda is quick to flash him a smile, but it’s too late. He’s seen it. He’s seen the longing and the fear. He hasn’t meant to make him emotional, but he should’ve figured. Komaeda has been waiting for Hinata to come back, but he doesn’t know what will happen if he does.

It must be interesting not to know things before they happen.

For a moment, he reflects on whether or not he should tell him. Then he does.

“You will be with him when he’s back.”

Komaeda relaxes, and nods at that. Nods but doesn’t get it. “Y-Yes, of course, if he’ll tolerate me. I could keep watch, or… or fetch things - I’m sure Hinata will be confused when he wakes up like this, and if he needs -”

“No.”

Kamukura shakes his head. It’s tiring to have to explain something so obvious.

“You will be with him when he’s back.”

“Oh.”

Komaeda’s face looks blank. Then shocked.

“Oh!”

He doesn’t blush, but Kamukura knows that if he touched his face now, it’d be hot. It would be easy to grab his face, and he wants to, but he doesn’t.

The next thing Komaeda does is laugh. Anxiously. Panicky. “I doubt it.”

“You doubt it, but you want it.”

His smile looks forced. His words are too. “Let’s not talk about things that don'tmatter, Kamukura.”

“It matters to you.”

He can’t help it. He analyzes. It’s the only thing he does, and he can’t stop until he gets bored. He’s been waiting to get bored of him for weeks and he hasn’t.

Komaeda looks desperate. Then humiliated. Then his face grows smooth and cold, which only happens once the sweetness melts away and all that’s left is someone who is tired of living.

“Yes,” he then says. “But it’s hardly my decision, is it?”

He nods at the body lying between them. “It’s his. And I don’t think -”

“You shouldn’t think. You should listen.”

He leans over to him, face stern, red eyes glowing, and Komaeda snaps to attention. It’s what he does. Strictness works on him, and if this world was different, if it didn’t have Hinata in it, Kamukura would make him do all kinds of things. But it’s not that world. Kamukura could’ve flushed that hard drive down the toilet. He’s considered it. But he hasn’t. Because killing Hinata would break Komaeda. And he’s seen him broken before. It wasn’t that interesting. He doesn’t want to see it again.

“It will be as I say,” he tells him.

He watches Komaeda search his face, wanting to believe, but failing. It annoys Kamukura that he’s so good at fooling himself into believing all kinds of things, except this. Except for the possibility that someone might love him.

It annoys him a lot.

He lacks the patience to explain. How he and Hinata used to be one until they weren’t. And how he still knows things, even if they’re not his things. So this will have to do.

“I can see the outcome,” he says. “And I’m always right.”

***

“I’m a robot now?” Hinata asks, sounding equal parts elated and terrified.

“Hyperrealistic android would be a better description,” Kamukura remarks helpfully, which doesn’t make him look any less confused. Now that he’s been restored to his original state, Hinata’s brain is average and processes things averagely.

“Yes! Isn’t it amazing?”

Komaeda beams, sitting by his bed and holding a mirror up for him so he can see. It’s clear he would prefer to hold Hinata’s hand instead, but is too shy to do it. Kamukura assumes they will have to do this at their own pace, which will be mind-numbingly slow.

“Look at how much better you look than Mechamaru!”

Despite his confusion and, most likely, trauma, Hinata smiles at that. His smile is crooked, but it’s full of warmth and humor and life, all the things that Kamukura lacks.

“Don’t let Souda hear that,” he says. Then his expression turns serious. “Wait, he’s here, right? He’s safe?”

“Yes. We’re all here. We’ve been waiting for you.” Komaeda is very nearly vibrating with excitement. Kamukura has never seen him this happy. Genuinely happy. He’s living, and he wants to live, for now. “Everyone wants to meet the Ultimate Android.”

“The what,” Hinata presses out from between his teeth, looking panicked.

“He’s been calling you that for days,” Kamukura informs him.

“Of course he has,” Hinata mumbles.

Komaeda puts the mirror down to finally put his hand on Hinata’s. The way he’s petting it looks manic, but it seems to have a positive effect.

“You always wanted to be special, didn’t you? Now look at you. You’re more than that. You’re a miracle.”

His voice cracks, dripping so heavily with affection that Kamukura’s teeth start aching, but Hinata doesn’t even pay attention. He’s looking at his new body, patting himself down with timid, incredulous awe.

“I can’t believe this,” he whispers. He looks up at Kamukura. “You. You did this. You didn’t have to. I don’t know what to say.”

He shrugs. “It was fun.”

He doesn’t know what else to say, either. In the end, that’s what it was. He’d had fun. As close to fun as he got.

“I hope you’re as interesting alive as you were to build,” he adds, crossing his arms.

Hinata looks very disturbed by that for moment, but then his face grows determined. He cocks a brow at him, and Kamukura thinks that even though he’s average, he’s not to be underestimated.

“Thanks,” he says, “I’ll try.”

He turns his attention back to Komaeda, and when he does, Kamukura sees about 80 different emotions rush across his face, and knows he’s been correct about everything.

Hinata’s voice changes when he talks to him. “I’m sorry I screamed when I saw you.”

Komaeda hurries to wave his concerns away. “Don’t worry about it! I like it when you scream at me. I - I mean I don’t mind. I mean, I understand. I mean -”

“Yeah,” Hinata chimes in, as if he knows what he means.

The way they talk to each other is so roundabout and strange. It’s frustrating. Kamukura doesn’t know how they can stand it. But he can see that they do.

“I’ll get the Mechanic.”

He needs to leave. Between Komaeda’s  unfiltered adoration and Hinata’s flustered joy, he might as well be a stone.

“He should take a look at you. I’ll explain your basic functions later. Don’t touch the small elevation at the top of your skull while I’m gone.”

The last thing he sees is Komaeda leaning over to Hinata and muttering something to him. He doesn’t hear what it is.

He’s only a few steps away from Hinata’s room as he hears someone behind him.

“Hey.”

He turns around. It’s hard to believe that Komaeda has separated himself from his Ultimate Android for long enough to come out here.

Why is he out here.

Kamukura tilts his head. “Did he touch it?”

Komaeda smirks. It looks scolding, knowing. Teasing.

“He’s not stupid because he’s not you,” he says softly.

“I’m not actually smart,” Kamukura points out. “I’m just talented.”

“You’re amazing.”

Hearing him say that makes his chest feel warm. It’s useless, but it’s better than feeling nothing.

“Whatever you were before, you truly are the Ultimate Hope.” Komaeda steps closer. “And I will never forget what you did.”

“Okay,” he replies, because what else is there to say. He likes the way he’s coming towards him. As he does, the pieces fall into place, and Kamukura knows what will happen next. And he knows the probability of it ever happening again are close to zero; but he’ll take it.

He’d thought that Komaeda hadn’t noticed, because of his low self-esteem. But he’d been wrong. It’s rare, but it happens.

He lets him tug at the front of his shirt, lets him pull him close, lets him put his thumb on his chin, leans into him as he puts his lips on his mouth. Not his cheek, or his forehead. His mouth.

Kamukura tastes him, smells him, and never closes his eyes, even though that’s what people do, because he wants to see him, too.

It’s soft, and chaste, and it’s over as soon as it started.

At the end, Komaeda squeezes his hand, then lets go. “Thank you.”

Kamukura looks at him, his taste still lingering on his lips.

“Thank you,” he echoes.

Komaeda blinks. “For what…?”

Kamukura bows his head. “You should go back. He shouldn’t be alone.”

He turns and walks away, because it’s easier than to explain. Explain that he’s grateful, because after all this time, someone made him understand what it’s like to want something.

#komahina #kamukoma #fanfiction #komahina secret exchange

[cart--jpg]

hHHHECK I got their overall aesthetic’s going

oh yeah i forgot to say!! they’re a barbershop quartet!!

(undercut is their personalities and relationships with one another)

ethan is the leader/manager- he’s a man of many talents- he loves flannels and just in general winter clothing- which kinda sucks because most of their gigs are in places that are basically summer all year. he has nicknames for everyone in the group- but jo-jo’s is the only one that stuck with the rest of them- he calls dallas dally, arturo art, and ya know what jo-jo’s name is. it’s kinda like code names for him- but he does have confident issues though- he’ll have really high highs and really low lows with both self esteem and confidence. thought when it’s high it tends to stay high- this gets him in trouble sometimes because he gets a bit cocky. just like dallas- he’s pretty active- just not as much as dallas- he’ll exercise pretty much every other time dallas will- ethan is bi but not out to the group nor anyone else- he’s also a big prankster- he’ll prank everyone in the group- nothing to hurt them but he does love their reactions the most

dallas is the advertiser for the group- he’s also a big goof- he’s very active and works out almost everyday he can- loves the space/galaxy aes- whenever he gets to make ads for the group he gets so excited and always tries to make it unique! he dresses pretty casual- pretty much the opposite of jo-jo- he always tries to be positive- would be the type of person to say “stay posi dude!!” in public unironically. though he’s a little dense when it comes to serious situations- ie mental health, sexuality, gender, etc. he’s willingly to learn but some things he just flat out doesn’t understand. with this art and jo have taught him a few things- and dallas even realized he was heteroflex! <3 

arturo does all the accounting- he’s very good with numbers and loves summer clothes- his gender can be fluid but he mainly prefers to be male- also he loves to bake!! he’ll sometimes make little treats for their gigs- he’s pretty questioning when it comes to his sexuality. he’s definitely the mama bear of the group. just he’ll get overprotective. if someone talks shit on anyone in the group you better BELIEVE he will chew them out about it. this has cause them to get a little bit of backlash- he never does it without reason- he just is really passionate about the group and everything surrounding it. he also has a little journal where he writes everyone’s favorite treats and recipes he wants to remember- he only really remembers the one ethan likes the most though...

and jo-jo/jonas he hates being called jo-jo is the costume designer- he makes his own clothes almost all of the time- he’s typically in very formal wear- he’s pretty quiet and doesn’t really talk to anyone outside the group- also he’s gay- he’s only out to the group though- he’s also a bit of a perfectionist and tends to overwork himself. with both making the clothes for the group and making his own. most of the time he looks pretty tired. other than that he can act pretty nice to the group and will laugh at just about anything- outside of the group is a bit of a different story- he still will laugh but a lot less out of self consciousness- but when he does people are pretty surprised from how quiet and aloof he normally is.

ethan and dally- “BROOOO” “BROOOOOOOOOO” they’re partners in crime! they’re hella close and are like brothers. they’ve known eachother the longest and they were the first two in the group! whenever ethan plays a joke on dallas- with how dense he can be he’ll just sorta keep smiling and act like it’s okay- dallas has a big heart and loves to see ethan laugh- so seeing how giggly ethan gets when he pranks him just makes him just as happy

ethan and art - “can you not be cute for like 2 seconds” “what?” “nothing” though they’re very different- they get along pretty well- art has a small crush on ethan but thinks ethan is straight so he doesn’t tell anyone about it besides jo-jo. ethan teases art a lot, all in good fun but sparkle bombs and random picking up bridal style and carrying around like it’s normal are pretty common with these two. art is actually ethan’s favorite person to tease- partially because of how flustered he gets and he just thinks its cute- oh and art will sometimes make little treats just for ethan- art memorizes all his favorite desserts and just in general sweet flavors- (HINTETHANFEELSTHESAMEWAYHINTHINT)

ethan and jo-jo - “hey” “hey” “hey” “hey” [goes on for 30 more minutes] “whatcha doing” jonas and ethan will talk for hours if you let them- ethan gets jo-jo to laugh a lot and just in general they get along well- at first jonas was pretty closed off and quiet in the group- he wouldn’t even preform most of the time- ethan sort of helped him be less scared of preforming- ethan however could not get him to get out of his social bubble- jo-jo just doesn’t feel confident to talk to others outside of the group- jo doesn’t hate ethan’s pranks but doesn’t love them on a busy day- which is everyday when you’re jonas-

dallas and arturo - “art can we work out todayyyy” “hhhhhhhhhh” “ethans’ comingggg” “-sighs- fiiiiiiiiiiine” dallas and art get along pretty well. though with dallas he asks a lot of questions about sexuality and stuff like that- he’s trying to learn but he’ll ask a bit of too personal questions at times- art will let him know of this- but it’s hard when he’s so sweet and genuinely asking without any malice- dallas also tries to get art to join in on his work out days- art will come along if ethan offers to go as well- they’ll never get jo to go but 3/4 is pretty good- art sometimes makes little smoothies and stuff for dallas after he’s all done with his workouts- 

dallas and jo-jo - “hey i could use some he-” “did you say help?” “well not yet but yeah!” jo and dallas are basically complete opposites- jo gets this- dallas doesn’t- dallas won’t harass jo-jo about it but he really wants him to join in on the gym- jonas may never will- but dallas thinks it’s always worth a shot! jonas won’t lie though- dallas’ sweet personality always seems to get him to do just about anything...besides go to the gym. jonas will never admit this but he has caught feelings for dallas- besides going to the gym- whenever dallas wants a person to come with him somewhere or help him with sometime- jonas doesn’t really need to remeasure the guys but always seems to “forget” dallas’ measurements- and has him remeasured for almost every new outfit they need. jo’s height can make it difficult but it’s all worth it. dallas is oblivious to jonas’ feelings and just thinks they’re really good friends- though he did realize he was hetflex because of jo-jo

jonas and arturo - “the guys are stupid” “yeaaahh” they’re also pretty close and will talk to eachother- mainly for advice about their odd crushes on the other members of the group- jonas realizes ethan feels the same way for art- jonas just doesn’t feel right outing him to art in such a way and plus it’s not his right to say. art practically always goes to jo-jo for advice. jo-jo really wants to tell art to just go for it but feels hypocritical because he barely admit his feelings for dallas to himself- jonas can be good with advice just he can hold a back a bit because of insecurities and such- art tries to help him with these but jonas’ a pretty hard shell to crack- 

okay okay

im really excited for these characters

i hope y’all like them as well!!! ;w;

#ethan #jo-jo #jonas #dallas #arturo #my art #wip #barbershop quartet #my ocs

[relationshipswithgina]

Healthy Relationships require Healthy Relationship with Self First

Seeking the perfect relationship with others is often about learning to have the right relationship with ourselves. In this blog I share some insights into how the way we have learned to view the world affects the way we view ourselves, and consequently the way we perceive others!

Towards the end is a quick quiz – a self-audit to help you understand your perceptions. This is the first step to maximising your potential for happier, healthier personal and professional relationships!

Your relationship with you…

The relationship we have with ourselves is based on a number of things, our genetic make up and hormonal and chemical balance – (nature), how we are bought up – (nurture) and on our interpretation of all our experiences both positive and negative, throughout our lives. Every experience we have is filtered through our senses and through the set of principles by which we measure any experience. Let me give you some examples.

1. You are in a park. It is a beautiful day. A large hairy dog comes galloping up to you, tongue lolling out. Do you think “What a great dog, isn’t it friendly?” or “Oh no, that great brute is coming for me, look at its huge mouth…!”

2. You are in the same park sitting on a bench enjoying the sunshine. A stranger comes and sits next to you on the bench. They say “Hello” and try to start up a general conversation. Do you think “Friendly person” and make general conversation with them or think “What do they want? Must move away as I feel threatened”.

Neither response is better or worse than the other but how you respond to outside experiences will make a huge difference to what you expect out of life, the way you live and enjoy your life and the sort of relationships you create with others.

Know you can instigate change…

It is important to understand that you can radically change the relationship you have with yourself if you choose to do so. It is actually a matter of conscious choice. However, to exercise choice you need to be very clear about what you believe and the impact that has on the way you behave.

To do that you need to:

Identify the things that work well, protect them, and use them as a model for other positive beliefs and behaviors.

Identify beliefs and patterns of behaviour that do not serve your best interests, deal with them and create more positive and productive beliefs and behaviours in their place.

I guarantee that this can be done by anyone who has a real desire to improve their life and their relationships.

Any partnership is really a combination of three relationships…

The first two being a relationship which each individual has with themselves. The third is the relationship the two people have with one another. Whilst I am going to focus on personal relationships the principles hold true for us in a professional context too.

At its best, a truly loving, interdependent relationship makes us more than we would be as separate independent people. It is based on the principles of win-win. Both parties have a commitment to look for solutions that facilitate growth and trust. The relationships are built on mutual trust and respect and communication is open and ongoing.

At its worst, a relationship can be destructive, where power and control play a major part and where there are always winners and losers. Partners constantly strive to get their own way and see giving in as a sign of weakness and defeat. Communication is often sparse or built on misunderstanding. People use the same words but mean entirely different things.

For many people their relationship exists somewhere in the middle ground. There are times when it is great, but that at other times tensions surface and difficulties are experienced usually around particular themes.

Common ones are:

Money

The way one partner treats and values the other

Lifestyle and health

Work/life balance

Trust and fidelity (perceived or otherwise)

An example would be concern about work/life balance and health. Partner A feels that they spend too much time alone because partner B spends too much time at the office. They feel neglected and unloved. At the same time they are worried about how stressed their partner is and the fact that they drink too much and are carrying too much weight.

If you want to truly understand the relationship with your partner and understand how to make it work even better, you need first to understand the relationship you have with yourself and then need to be open to understanding the relationship your partner has with themselves.

Self Audit

So what sort of relationship do you have with yourself? Think carefully about the following questions. Be as honest as you can. There is no right or wrong answer. The questions are designed to help you understand yourself and your approach to life even better than you do at present.

How do you introduce yourself when you meet someone new at work? How would you introduce yourself if you were at a party?

Do you still introduce yourself as what you do? “I’m a financial advisor” or “I work in insurance”

How would you introduce yourself if you were not able to use what you did professionally as part of your description? Do you find that more difficult?

When you look in the mirror when no one else is about.

Who do you see?

What sort of person are you?

Think about how you would describe yourself to others?

You could start with describing the values you live by:

I’m kind

I'm hardworking

I have a strong sense of integrity etc.

What are your unique abilities?

What are you good at?

What do you enjoy doing?

How would you describe yourself physically?

How do you feel about yourself?

Do you like yourself as you are?

How highly do you value yourself?

Do you esteem yourself?

What gives you your sense of worth?

Is just being you enough?

Do you rely on the opinion of others or on what you can do for others to give you a sense of who you are?

When do you feel the best about yourself? Do you EVER feel great about yourself?

Take some time out to think about the times you have felt really good about yourself during your life to date. Are there any common patterns?

Consider the following statements and decide if they are: Always true? Sometimes true? Never true?

I feel best about myself when I’m at work

I feel best about myself when I’m in social situations

I feel best about myself when I’m in private situations at home

I feel best about myself when I have drunk alcohol

I feel best about myself when I feel I’m in control of the situation

I feel best about myself when I feel I am needed

I feel best about myself when I am doing something for other people

I feel best about myself when I am winning

I feel best about myself when other people notice what I am doing and say well done

I feel best about myself when other people notice what I am doing and say thank you

I only believe I am doing a good job if other people notice and tell me

I always feel physically attractive and good about my body

I believe in myself at all times – I don’t need others to tell me I’m doing well

I believe in myself in the work place – I don’t need others to tell me I’m doing well

I believe in myself socially – I don’t need others to tell me I’m doing well

I believe in myself within my special relationship – I don’t need my partner to reassure me all the time

I’d really like to have a special relationship but I’m not attractive / good enough

The way in which we see ourselves may be very different to the way others see us. We may feel very confident and know our worth in one situation yet feel incredibly inadequate and of little worth in another.

If our sense of self-worth is generated more by external verification than by an internal sense of self-worth then there is a constant need to be recognised, praised and thanked. When this is achieved it feeds the need for more recognition because it gives us pleasure. When it is not forthcoming it creates a sense of failure and lack of self-esteem, which is potentially destructive.

Like all things, we need a balance between the extremes. If you are entirely self-absorbed and consider yourself perfect in every way it is highly unlikely that you will be the perfect partner, employee or boss. It offers no scope for self-improvement or personal growth.

Creating a strong sense of self-worth and confidence with a desire to be even better is the ideal. Determining our strengths, learning to love ourselves for who we are – wobbly bits included - is a fantastic starting point to creating a wonderful life.

If you would like to find a greater sense of lasting happiness then why not try my FREE 7-day Happiness Challenge.

#selfworthconfidencequite

[spicelupin-blog]

Marauders: Looks

Remus Lupin. Sirius Black. James Potter. Peter Pettigrew.

Summary: Short stories to do with the Marauders looks and development during their Hogwarts years.

Pairing: James x Lily. Other than that, only some irrelevant ones in passing.

Warnings: Some mentions of abuse (Sirius) and weight (Peter). 

Genre: Mainly cute friendship stories with some light angst.

Words: 2092

REMUS LUPIN

·         Remus was always a lanky kid. His arms were too long for his body, and his legs were even worse.

·         In his third year, he remembered being jeered at by a group of older Slytherins after he ran into the Herbology professor, causing the mandrakes they were levitating to fall to the ground. Luckily, only one student fainted from the incident and the professor let it go with a huff and a wave of their wand.

·         Yet, the Slytherins didn’t seem keen on letting him go without a lower self-esteem.

·         “Can you blame a Gryffindor for being useless?” Parkinson provoked.

·         “You’re right, especially one like that. He looks like a starved animal.” Laughed Crabbe.

·         “And that scar. I’m guessing he got into a fight with a hairbrush with the state of his hair.” Added Greengrass, gesturing to the bedhead Remus wore almost every day.

·         Once the scar comment was put out there, Remus took off. He didn’t want anyone to see the frustrated tears welling up in his eyes.

·         Everything began changing once fourth year ended. Remus was becoming more confident with the help of his fellow Marauders and his appearance began to reflect this.

·         His arms and legs were evened out by a good height boost of six or seven inches, and his shoulders started widening handsomely. He was no longer a ‘starved animal’, as he began developing muscle all over.

·         When he saw his fellow Marauders during the summer they seemed to have a lot to say about his new masculine build.

·         “Now girls will need a ladder to snog you.” James joked, biting the head off a chocolate frog.

·         Sirius, stealing the rest of the treat from James’s hand, restated, “Now girls might snog you.”

·         During his stay at Godric’s Hollow, he allowed Sirius to style his hair prior to an outing to Diagon Alley.

·         “You look like you’ve just rolled out of bed! How can I be seen with such a wreck?” The always dramatic Sirius exclaimed. Remus, finally peer pressure enough, allowed Sirius to work his magic.

·         Well, technically, it wasn’t magic. Sirius had discovered a few muggle hair products while looking for things to piss his parents off with, only to find he actually enjoyed them. He claimed they were even better than Sleekeazy, which James found great offense to. Remus, realizing there was nothing to lose when it came to his mop of hair, succumbed to anything Sirius threw at him.

·         Remus was genuinely surprised by the outcome. He had expected Sirius to make his hair look similar to his own, as in Sirius words, “My hair gets the birds squawking.” Which made even James roll his eyes.

·         Instead, Sirius let Remus’s hair be like Remus. He used the products to make Remus’s hair softer and his naturally wavy hair was like a fluffy sea of light brown. It wasn’t structured or greasy looking, instead, it was very Remus. It looked as soft as Remus’s personality was.

·         Shockingly, James and Sirius were right. He started receiving plenty of longing gazes from girls when the school year began again. 

·         When Gabriella Moore flirtatiously waved and greeted him at the beginning of term feast, Sirius pointed a drumstick at him and said, “It’s the hair. You’re welcome.”

SIRIUS BLACK

·         Sirius, though he hated to admit it, was a true Black.

·         He might not be a prejudiced, privileged wanker (Sirius’s exact words in fourth year), but he damn well knew he looked like a Black. Since he was a kid, relatives and family friends have doted on his looks.

·         “Oh, Walburga what a handsome set of boys you have. At least you won’t have to worry about the Black name dying out. I’m sure these two will be snatched up fresh out of Hogwarts.”

·         Sirius knew he looked like his brother, or his brother looked like him. The Blacks had a signature look to them, like most purebloods. According to his mother, a pureblood is too important to look like a common half-breed.

·         Sirius was well known for his mop of dark, well-groomed hair. He found that he felt good when it was nicely fixed. No one knew Sirius’s need for vanity was more deep-rooted than a love for materialism or an aesthetic. It was his security blanket. If everyone saw a good looking boy with a charismatic smile, there would be no need to dig further into his life. No need for them to uproot his unresolved problems.

·         Sirius Black was not vain, he was scared. Scared that his mother was right. Even though he knew she was wrong, her views and violence were morally corrupt, he was still riddled with anxiety.

·         He was well known for his lean figure among fellow students. He had a strong back that led into a trim waist down to a butt groups of girls would giggle about. He was never shy about taking off his shirt. That is until he ran away.

·         He left the House of Black with his once flawless skin covered with red lashes. He left the burning under his clothing as he approached the Potter’s home. When the door opened and he was welcomed with open arms, only then he showed his wounds. Mrs. Potter fixed him up, but the scars were forever. He was forever marked by his trauma.

·         But that didn’t stop Sirius.

·         He still took off his shirt. When someone asked what happened to him, he’d make something up.

·         “Fight with a dragon. You should see him, doll.” That got a few clueless girls.

·         “This one lass from Ravenclaw went a bit too hard.” This got even more clueless guys to whoop in response.

·         “Got attacked by a Hippogriff while trying to complete your summer essay, sir. I wanted to get a real life account. Unfortunately, it obviously did not like me very much.” This got him an O on his Care for Magical Creatures assignment.

·         Sirius felt clever coming up with all these myths for his scars, never letting the truth slip pass his lips to anyone except his closest friends.

·         Also, letting the truth be public would ruin the allusion of the mysterious Sirius Black.

JAMES POTTER

·         James Potter was the ultimate Gryffindor. Some people envied him for it, some really hated him for it. But at the end of the day, the only person’s opinion that mattered to James anyway was Lily’s. And just getting her to look his way was an accomplishment; regardless of the scowl present.

·         James, although he didn’t care about anyone else’s stares except a certain redhead, found he loved attention for his appearance. He got extra giddy at any compliments given but acting nonchalant on the outside.

·         “Looking good, Potter.” Smirked a Hufflepuff, leaving James to give a lopsided grin at her retreating back.

·         “Oh Merlin,” Grumbled Remus at that, knowing how James got with a compliment. Adding onto James Potter’s already huge ego was a dangerous choice.

·         “Padfoot, you got the map right?” James asked, ignoring Remus’s pointed look.

·         Sirius’s head bopped up and down, patting his robe pocket for confirmation.

·         “Perfect. I have an idea.” Those were never good words for anyone except a Marauder.

·         “What is it, James?” Peter raised a pale brow, looking a tad nervous already.

·         “It has to do with Snivellus. I think we’ve kept away from him for a long enough since the incident.” With few words, the others knew James was referring to Snape’s near death experience at a transformed Remus’s hands.

·         Remus shook his head, not wanting to get involved but knowing he had no choice. Sirius, on the other hand, just smirked and started spurting off prank ideas to James. Peter wordlessly listened to his best friends throw their ideas to each other, willing to do whatever James told him to do.

·         Merlin, they got Snivellus good that day. And Lily Evans stared at him. Sure, she was glaring, but you have to take what you can get.

·         One thing he knew Lily Evan did take notice of was his hair. He had created the signature dishevelment just for her.

·         The day before the start of third year, James was trying to sort his hair out. He had Sleekeazy at his disposal, but that wasn’t what he wanted. He was going to be fourteen soon, and he wanted Lily Evans to notice him. Or anyone really. Frankly, he was becoming a teenage boy and he just wanted a girlfriend. If Lily needed more time, then fine, but James was impatient.

·         He flipped it all around, brushing and combing pieces determinedly. Yet, he was without the result he wanted.

·         “James! Come get your broom out of the yard!” His mother yelled up the stairwell.

·         He groaned, setting his brush down with a huff. “Coming!”

·         His broom was still leaning on the gate, exactly where he left it yesterday night. He was determined to up his chaser ability. No more losing to Slytherin, as far as James would have it.

·         He eyed it, trying to decide if he needed more practice. The Gryffindor captain’s voice rang through his head, “Practice, practice, practice!”

·         Immediately, James hopped onto his broom, taking off. He did his drills until the sun had set and his mother was calling him for dinner.

·         When he went back inside, he passed a mirror, catching his reflection. His skin was darker from the sun, his eyes slightly teary from the whipping wind and his hair was just as he wanted.

·         All windswept and, to James, cool. He looked like he was always on a broomstick, experiencing new adventure and mischief every day. James gave his reflection his signature lopsided grin, as he found just how he was going to get Lily to notice him.

·         That, and a few cruel pranks at Snivellus. Just for good measure.

PETER PETTIGREW

·         Peter was not special. He knew that since before his Hogwarts days. It became more prominent to him when he became friends with Sirius, James, and Remus.

·         Sirius was dark and handsome. Girls tripped over themselves to just catch a whiff of his shampoo as he passed in the halls.

·         James was athletic and overall cool. He made students and teachers alike melt at his grin.

·         Remus was tall and bookish. Only Remus seemed to not notice girls’ longing stares as he sat reading in the library.

·         Peter had never seen himself as anything to notice. He was short, only about 5’5 with no lean muscle like the rest. He was a bit pudgy from the amount of sweets he ate.

·         Once, James mocked his pouch of fat on his stomach, making Peter turn beet red and let out a forced laugh. He knew James meant it in a joking way, but it didn’t stop Peter’s twisting stomach.

·         He spent the whole month of July on a strict diet. Vegetables and fruit only. Even when his mother brought out his birthday cake on his birthday, he refused the treat with a solemn look. His mother looked a bit taken aback, but ultimately followed Peter’s request.

·         He made it a routine to walk around the muggle village nearby. He’d walk for hours in the summer heat. Sometimes, he’d run up and down the hill by his house with large rocks in his hands. He probably looked like a dip, but he didn’t care. He was going to prove himself as special. He was going to be worth noticing in seventh year.

·         When the Marauders regrouped on the train to school, Sirius was the first to note Peter’s trimmed appearance.

·         “Have you lost weight, Wormtail?” Asked Sirius, biting into a Liquorice Comfit.

·         Peter watched the candy, thinking about asking for one but stopping himself. He’d come so far, why take it all back now? “A bit.”

·         “I can tell,” James nodded, grabbing one of the candies. He pointed it at Peter as he said, “You have an actual jawline now, Wormtail.”

·         Peter felt smug with the compliment. He always had to savor compliments, as they rarely came his way. Before he could reply, their last member came into the compartment. Peter noticed with disdain that Remus had grown at least another inch, and his shoulders were even broader.

·         Remus told the rest of the boys with sparkling eyes of the girls he had a summer romance with while in Portugal. All attention was quickly pulled from Peter’s transformation and on Remus’s randevu.

·         Peter was silent, watching with a familiar envy as the others talked about their fun summers and girls while eating an assortment of treats.

·         “Want a Chocolate Frog, Wormtail?” Sirius inquired, holding out the sweet.

·         Peter looked at the packet for a moment before swiping it, “Yeah, why not.”

·         He would never be able to win the looks contest anyway.

Masterlist 

#marauders imagine #marauders era #marauders #marauder #marauders scenarios #marauders preference #marauders smut #marauders fluff #marauders angst #sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black scenario #sirius black fluff #sirius black angst #sirius #black #remus lupin #remus #lupin #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin scenario #remus lupin preferences #remus lupin angst #remus lupin smut #remus lupin fluff #james potter #james potter scenario #james potter imagaine #james potter preference #james potter fluff

[bloggong]

The poison of self-reliance

“Here is the sweet paradox in how God works. He blesses those who admit that they need help: The poor in spirit are blessed (Matthew 5:3). Sanity has a deep awareness, I need help. I can’t do life right on my own. Someone outside me must intervene. The sanity of honest humility finds mercy, life, peace, and strength. By contrast, saying we don’t need help keeps us stuck on that hamster wheel of making excuses and blaming others. The end result isn’t life and peace; it’s self-righteousness, self-justification, alienation, and bitterness.”

- David A. Powlison

In keeping with the times, I’m starting this post with a David Powlison quote. While I hadn’t actually heard of this man till a sermon this morning during YF (courtesy of a mentor who shall remain anonymous), this quote had the same brick-to-the-face impact as a good’ol Paul Washer sermon.  To quote my brother in Christ Mr Yip, “any other sin can make you experience brokenness that drives you to repentance” but “pride only hardens us”. Alright, I’ve my quota of 2 QUOTES for now. Will check in with another quote in a bit!  Okay, but to contextualize a bit, given the aggressive header for this blog post (which I promise I will get to in due time), it has been around 3 weeks since I’ve started my journey as a NSF (ie. full-time National Serviceman) on Palau Tekong. In this time, I’ve learnt many things, but for the sake of conciseness, I’ll condense it down to the following point.  1. To be responsible, one must be devoted to duty and not themselves.  This statement, which if you examine closely, actually contains the distilled intention of the SAF, of prioritizing our duty to our nation over our own selfish gain, isn’t inherently wrong. In fact, most would argue it is a noble thing to cherish the safety of your country and your loved ones over your own comfort and pleasure.  So why am I bringing this up? And what does this have to do with self-reliance being toxic?  Let me try to explain this in the best way I can.  Through the now countless hours I’ve spent rushing up and down the four flights of stairs in Smart 4/ Long 4/ Admin Kit/ PT kit, my LBS clamping my hip bone, my helmet whacking the edge of my fog-tinted spectacles, as my right hand hovers over my half-filled water canteen and I frantically check to ensure my admin bottle is filled, I have realized that one thing the SAF (and UG in general) ingrains in every soldier is the need to be responsible.  The unspoken rules of Rocky Hill School 4 Coy 1 are as follows. 

Take care of yourself. Don’t be a burden to those around you. Maintain your personal bearings first. 

Help those around you who need help. 

The betterment of the section/ platoon/ company holds higher priority than the needs of any individual recruit. Don’t be selfish.

By the Lord’s manifold grace and infinite mercies, I have not had any major screwups that have resulted in my section or platoon having to pump as of yet. Perhaps my UG background prepared me partially for the punishments we have had to endure so far, but only by His grace have I been able to get all my tasks finished as of now. Here’s the issue though. With the limited admin time we are given in School 4, sometimes limited to 20 minutes every night before lights out, having to shower, do laundry, prepare for the next day’s attire, ensure all items are accounted for, set alarm and numerous other things, I have become a very task-focused creature.  In efficiently finishing tasks delegated to me, I begin to get annoyed with those around who who are unable to do what has been asked of them. When we are made to pump, I get angry at those who are slower than myself. And above all, I realize that in the rank-centric ego-heavy atmosphere of the SAF, self-reliance and one’s physical abilities largely contribute to one’s self-identity. So when, by God’s grace, I attain Gold for IPPT, I don’t give Him glory (or at least, I fail to publicly express it.) Effectively, I fail to live up to the mantle of what Christians are to live for, namely, to the praise of God’s glory.  In the quiet moments of the morning when my phone softly buzzes me awake, I no longer contemplate God’s grace and love in giving me another day of life. Instead, I plan for the day, I try and prepare as best as I can, and I do not commit any of it to God.  In the conduct-laden weeks filled with multiple high keys, I find lesser time to give thanks, and spend my days complaining, mindlessly bantering or stoning. These days, talking nonsense seems much more attractive to me than reading His word. Using my phone to read webtoons is more alluring than opening the Solid Joys app.  Again and again, I am a stubborn child who has been shown the overwhelming sweetness of the love of the Father, yet I remain content chewing on the rotten carcasses of my ego. Spending time in NS has (again), shown me more of who I really am. Under the facade I kept up, Really, I know what the issue is. At the end of the day, it is one of personal pride. What I need more is not confidence or self-esteem. To the contrary, I need a more accurate view of my place in the Universe. I need to see myself as lesser, and the Father as more.  IF anything, I need LESSER confidence in my own worth, and GREATER confidence in the sovereign irresistible grace of the Father.  Truly, the Lord is sovereign, His will will be done. All things WILL be accomplished for His glory, and for His name to be lifted high.  And it is a marvelous, beautiful, awesome privilege that a hell-deserving, forgetful, evil wretch like myself would be claimed as a child of the thrice Holy God, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, and sanctified daily by the powerful work of the Holy Spirit.  This isn’t simply information. This is good news, tear-jerking, mind-eviscerating news for a wretch who before, had nothing to look forward to but an eternity of suffering under the wrath of a righteous judge.  For someone who has done nothing of worth or value his entire life, it again becomes clear to me when something of value appears. And here, the infinite worth of the eternal life bought for me by the death of the Son of God himself is something I cannot hope to repay, nor is it something my feeble mind can comprehend without God’s grace.  AND so here’s the crux of the matter.  I need to again, be humbled to a point of absolute brokenness. I have to realize that, when faced with all my inadequacies, I am not simply looking at a part of myself that I have failed to ‘train’. Rather, I’m looking at a reflection of my true self.  To quote Mr Paul Washer, “On that day when He comes again, He will pluck all things, all men’s talents, all the best of the human race, and grab it with one hand and exclaim, ‘This is ALL FOR ME’”.  I have to again remember that not only is my faith, all of life, heck, even the whole universe, sustained by Sovereign grace, that all of this is for His glory alone.  ONLY through this can I be turned away from pride, idolatry, and anything that does not point to the blazing heart of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I must become less, so that He may be made much of.  Brothers and Sisters in Christ, please keep me in your prayers. Even as I have anxiety for the 2 weeks of Field Camp coming up next week, I am even more worried that as I return to BMTC tomorrow, I again spiral into the toxicity of self-reliance. That I am foolish enough to consider myself of more worth and more grit than those around me, just because God has graciously bestowed me with experiences that are meant to be used for HIS glory.  I pray that in the coming 2 weeks, as more grace may be shown to me by the Lord, that I may in turn be more gracious to those around me. That I may be less selfish with my time. That I may prize others above myself, but that I may prize Christ as even more valuable than precious gold, or anything else in this life. That I may watch my tongue, that it will not slander with falsehood or callous word, that everything I say and do may point to the Holy, Righteous, Merciful, Loving, eternal Lord I worship. To end, I want to share a short conversation I had with Peter Goh over whatsapp today. To summarize, we both agreed that we were “spiritually despondent”. But that’s an issue right? How can my response to a question “How r you“ be “pretty okay” when I’m feeling “spiritually dry” if “life without Christ is no life at all and life with him is everything” ?

I’m worried. I fear my heart if calloused and blind to my own sin, that I no longer fear the Lord. I fear I no longer treasure His eternal promises and worth above the world. But in equal measure, I will cherish His promises in His word.  Brothers and Sisters, even as I stake my claim not in my own inadequacy, but I take greater confidence in the Father’s ability to turn a wretch like me (again!) toward Him and transform my heart of stone into one of flesh, keep me in prayer. Over these two weeks, I pray I may glorify Him by His supplication alone. Praise the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Truly, all to Him I freely give, for the all surpassing worth of the Lord Jesus Christ. I pray I can start the short book Pastor Razo gave me ‘The practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence” and Greg’s 60-day “Daily reading devotionals” as well, such that when I have my passing out parade, I may take greater confidence in His mercy, grace and love. 

“It was wonderful love that Christ should rather die for us than for the angels that fell. They were creatures of a more noble extract, and in all probability might have brought greater revenues of glory to God; yet that Christ should pass by those golden vessels, and make us clods of earth into stars of glory - Oh, the hyperbole of Christ's love!”

- Thomas Watson

AND

“The more bitterness we taste in sin, the more sweetness we shall taste in Christ.”

- Thomas Watson

SO

Romans 3:23 

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

AND

Psalm 115:1

Not to us, Lord, not to us, But to Your name give glory, Because of Your mercy, because of Your truth. 

Praise God, for He is worthy of all praise and worship, and all things.

Soli Deo Gloria.

-Gong

10:02pm

30 Jan 2020