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#oh well. im feeling optimistic

tsurugis · 4 months

Text

like imagine writing characters where it’s just obscene beat down after obscene beat down and nothing comes of it. just misery and betrayal and torture for nothing lmaooooooo it’s just not good. but that’s the reality. you can’t just write that!! I don’t want to write that lmfao I love my characters and they go through hell and have been through shit but so many of them love each other so much and then I’m like. this makes me feel sick because something good comes out of this crap for them. nothing good comes out of crap in life so often!! if I wanted to write how my life actually has been it would be so twisted and useless it would be trash. so I’m just gonna write what I wish would come out of all this fucking stupid suffering and happy cry about it until I die and know that it’s fucking unrealistic to me. For all the fucking suffering its just a fantasy pffffff woooo bitch I love. Them haha

#I spent New Year’s Eve drunk rambling so excitedly about my characters to my poor patient husband pfkfjkfnfkjhfjkfh I love them so much I’m #gonna throw up #pfffffffff #like I love my husband but I still can’t trust myself or him no matter how god damn hard I try #and it’s fine day to day but occasionally I will get so triggered over nothing I will have these massive agonizing breakdowns #for what bitch!#you’re fine!#I just feel so broken lmao #and then I wake up every day so optimistic and then out of nowhere it’s like why #I’m having an absurd breakdown where im hyperventilating and weeping and wailing like a fucking freak dkjdhkjdh #why #bitch help lmaooooo #and EVERY TIME I’m like oh well shit that will never happen again so silly #side eyes myself #shits buried so deep motherfucker fkjfjhkkjfhf #my poor husband lmfao #I’m so cheerful and fine like 99% of the time pflfkjhfkjh

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stsgooo · 2 months

Note

moonlit goddess.... maybe jinshi is wondering why his dear maid continues to pull away from him... and maybe gao shun lets it slip that "they shouldn't have been close that day anyway".... and jinshi pesters him until he folds n explains.... IDK I JUST WANT A HAPPY ENDING FOR THOSE TWO :((((( (not forced ofc!! i jus love ur writing!)

Bridge the Gap.

✩࿐ summary: life and death really makes a girl wonder.

warning(s): idiots in love, chapters 61-65 manga spoilers, master/servant like relationship, description of near drowning, suggestive content, ambiguous ending. wc; 9.3k

pairing(s): jinshi/fem!reader.

a/n: tysm for reading my fics means the world to hear ppl actually enjoy them, anon!!! ;') i wasn't really going to make a 2nd part of moonlight goddess as i thought it was okay to leave off there, but i love jinshi sooo i'll take any excuse to write him. this was initially going to be a part 2 of clumsiness, but i figured my plans worked better with what you were envisioning! im not entirely sure how to feel about this, but i hope this lives up to the standards! i apologize for any mistakes, this was written mostly in the early mornings when i had time!

part i. m.list

"Are you sure I'm not hurting you?"

"Y/N, please, stop asking me that."

"Oh, yes. My apologies, Jinshi-sama. Sorry."

This were, admittedly, not going well. Both of you soaked, hair dripping, and standing in the cave behind a rapid waterfall, and a dull ache in your chest as you recovered. Partly your fault, partly the fault of some crazed marksman that was hiding in the forest, trying to slaughter Jinshi and, by proxy, you.

To understand how you two ended up in this situation, we would have to back up a bit.

"Oh? Y/N, I didn't know you'd be attending this as well?"

"It was a last minute switch with Suiren and I."

"You... enjoy these hunts?"

"I've done everything I could to avoid them in the years past."

Your lack of excitement was apparent and clear. It appeared to bring no ease of mind to Maomao who dragged her rather disgusted eyes from you towards Gaoshun. The older man just kept his attention on the moving scenery outside, a distant glaze over his eyes.

Maomao obviously wasn't optimistic. Just like you. You were almost proud that she had caught on so easily.

The sweltering heat outside seemed to seep into the carriage, cooking you alive in your rather formal wear. Something that you were spotted in far and few, having been years that you truly cleaned yourself prim and proper. You had been on the edge of declining even going when Jinshi, with a grin and a certain glitter in his eyes, had too happily informed you that it was a direct invitation from Shishou.

Your fate had been sealed.

Maomao peeked at you from the corner of her eye, head tilted, "Do you mind me asking why you avoided these events?"

You don't even spare her a glance, "I fear if I spoke my honest opinion, I'd stain Jinshi-sama's reputable name with my foul mouth." You reply flatly in return.

"Please don't." Gaoshun said softly from his seat, looking particularly tired.

You decided to ignore the slump of Maomao's shoulders as if disappointed by the swift interruption and decline on Gaoshun's part. Turning your eyes towards the shifting world outside.

It'd been exactly five months since Jinshi had danced under the moon and you came to the conclusion that any impure thoughts you held for your master would be safely tucked away in the back of your mind (and heart). Forever your secret. Only to be heard in your dreams and upon your death, when you repent for any ill thoughts to the Great Man above.

Everything had returned to its normal routine. You would get up in the morning, prepare breakfast alongside Suiren, eat, then proceed with any chores the woman gave you for the rest of the day, then repeat. Equally, your relationship (or lack thereof) with Jinshi had remained the same. Conversations filled with pleasantries. Simple things that had always lingered between the two of you since you were children. Pleasant and simple. As the world shall ever be.

It got a bit ruffled with Jinshi had cornered you and practically ordered that you come to the hunt instead of Suiren.

In the middle of scrubbing away at the floors, he had found you. Stood above you with that grin, “Y/N, you’re one of my most loyal servants, hm?” He’d begun with an inflection in his tone that made you horribly hesitant.

You had faltered in your scrubbing to stare up at him with confusion, “Uh…well, I suppose, Jinshi-sam’s.”

“Why don’t you join me for the Hunt this up coming week?”

Your had heart dropped. And, by the look Gaoshun had dawned, his had too. The Hunt, in your humble opinion, was a glorified weekend for the men in high positions to rub one off while killing animals. It wasn’t something you found interesting in or much grace. That’s why you had declined Suiren’s question on whether or not you’d like to take her place only three days prior. You had no interest in watching anyone, even Jinshi, size each other up while a defenseless animal bled.

“Jinshi-sama, I believe Suiren—“

Ever the gentleman, he had cut you off, “No worries, Suiren agreed to take over matters while you’re gone! She’s the sweetest, right?” He had appeared all to eager and all too himself for you to ignore.

So, with a heavy heart, you’d sighed, accepting defeat and his invitation.

Now, you would find your torture for a multiple day retreat with a bunch of men with their c—

The carriage came to an abrupt halt, bringing an unruly end to your thoughts as you all carefully exited and were greeted by the sunshine. The humid air heavy with the condensation of the area and already making a sweat appear on your brow. But, ever the lady, you pleasantly tuck your hands into your sleeves and follow behind Gaoshun and Basen.

You were a little surprised as Maomao stuck closely to your side; but not all too surprised to find her attention on your surroundings, vague surprise in her eyes. The area was as equally as beautiful as it was a burden to you.

The buildings weren't anything for you to revel at. Spending an entire lifetime within palaces and in buildings as equally or above standard to those, it just wasn't anything special. The nature surrounding the area, however, was something to stare in awe at. Lucious trees, beautiful grass, and beautiful array of plants and flowers. It almost made you regret all the time you had spent away from this place.

But it wasn't like you had the chance to truly return since the last time you were here. Nothing could bring back that little girl.

You deterred your thoughts away as Gaoshun slid the door open. Immediately, you were hit with a wave of heat that you made you tense up. It was apparent that you wouldn't find your much needed cool down you were desperate to find since you were confined in the carriage days prior.

You were the last to enter and when you did, you faltered at the sight before you.

Jinshi was sprawled across the couch, wisps of his dark hair framed his sweat glistened face, eyes closed in contempt. A small dent appeared between his eyebrows and a frown adorned his face. However, your attention was caught on a drop of sweat that made its way from his hairline, down his cheek, his jaw, his long slender neck, and past his— his collar.

His modesty was of no worry, apparently, as he laid with his robes parted open to reveal his chest. Itself was glistening with sweat. Delicate skin on showcase for all to see. It brought a soft blush to your cheeks, as you blatantly ogled him. Pressing your lips together to contain whatever thoughts you had about him from burst from your seams.

"Y/N," Jinshi's voice hit your ears, tender and smooth. You're suddenly hyperaware that he's staring at you with raised brows, lids peeked open to stare at you.

You straighten your back and offer a bow, "Jinshi-sama. Do you require anything?" You had to get it together. It was inappropriate to behave in such a scandalous way. "Request for ice? Tea?"

Jinshi shook his head, sitting up, "No, rather I'd like for you to rest after such a long journey."

You falter, your arms wavering from their position in front of your face, "Uh.... Wouldn't the room be more tolerable with some ice?" You spare a glance around the room and grimace. The windows are shut tight, only bits of sun peeking through the cracks. Basen looks rather miserable, but trying to appear his usual stern self. While Gaoshun and Maomao seem rather okay with showcasing their small discontent with the heat. A nice cube would help at least cool down a bit.

You also couldn't stand another second seeing Jinshi like that. As if he were some type of nymph testing your faith.

"Really, it's fine—" Jinshi attempted, but you were already turning on your heel.

"I will return with ice." You didn't miss the way Jinshi's face fell and his eyes cut to Gaoshun who shook his head in return.

Your fast paced adventure led you to the main hall, where people were moving in and out. Various officers and servants filled the area, finding their rooms or helping their masters and fellow officers to their own rooms. Everyone appeared to be feeling the heat as they wiped their brows. Much like you, they appeared to be attempting to defeat the heat.

You found your way towards an attendant who helped you get something situated for Kousen. Something that brought you both distaste and irritation. Something to be addressed at a later time.

Joy filled you as you turned around, ice would soon be in the room and you could crowd around it like it was a new lover.

As you were about to make your way back to the room, you ran into someone.

You were about to apologize when they whirled around and you let out an audibly sigh that conveyed your unwavering exhaustion for them.

"Hey, watch where— Oh, hey, " Lihaku blinked, kind face twisted up in vague recognition. “You’re that lady-in-waiting. What are you doing out here?”

“I’m on loan from Jinshi-sama,” you answered rather flatly, not missing the small frown accompanying the man’s face.

You were vaguely familiar with Lihaku. What with Maomao getting involved in the problems within the inner and rear palace, you were bound to make new acquaintances when she was dragging you around. Lihaku was the first one you had ran into. On orders to accompany the girl from Suiren, you had gotten to see her investigative skills firsthand. You were impressed, surely, when she had made the discovery about the potatoes. But the impression was overshadowed by Lihaku, who had spent the entire time chatting your ear off.

He was kind, handsome, and smart when it called for it. But you could tell that, like most officers, he had an airheaded vibe to him. One that deterred you from making things too complicated with him.

Friendly enough, and one of the few people that didn't seem to disinterest Maomao, you accepted his very vague and shadowed feature in your life.

"Well, that's nice of him." He said, clearly disinterested in where this conversation was going. "I'm glad to see a friendly face, though."

You offered a small smile, "As am I. Not many kind faces around here often."

"You can say that again." You hear a loud inhuman snort and a tug on your gown, taking a large step back, you look down. A large dog with drool leaking out from the sides of its mouth stared back at you. "Oh, hey, boy, no!"

"O-Oh my." You uttered, slightly breathless as you looked at the large beast.

Lihaku glanced at you, offering a withering smile, "Eh, sorry, he gets excited around new people— not a great trait in a dog like this, you would think, but he's a real gem. Just has his moments. Hey, now—"

Lihaku pulled out something metal and brought it to his lips, then blew. It emitted little to no sound, at least, any you could truly hear, making your perk up when the dog tilted his head and sat respectfully before the officer. He blew again and the dog laid. Again, and the dog stood on all fours.

You smiled softly, watching in wonder as it obeyed whatever silent orders it was getting from Lihaku.

"He's very smart." You observed as the dog sat down again.

"Right?" Lihaku beamed, "I can get him to come running from kilometers away if need be."

"Useful when you're in a bind."

"For sure!" Lihaku's demeanor reminded you of a proud father as he puffed his chest and looked distastefully towards the cages lined up outside. "He's real smart, yet they still want to use those birds in the end."

You didn't want to point out the various problems that could come with using a dog; as there were probably another list of various pros to actually use the dog. The hawks had been used for years and you doubt that some dogs would be taking their place any time soon. It'd probably be a long time before these arrogant men came to their senses and found better means. Despite dogs being loyal and determined to their cause, the hawk would always be chosen.

Or, the better alternative, they didn't do this hunt anymore.

But you knew that was a longshot.

It wasn't long after that you bid Lihaku a farewell and good luck on his duties, making your way back to the room. You exchanged pleasant smiles and greetings with familiar faces, but nothing that kept you from relaxing much longer.

When you returned to the room, everyone had found their own areas and activities to occupy themselves. Gaoshun and Basen were playing Go near the windows, Maomao was reclining on the floor where a sliver or air was flowing through (from where, you weren't completely sure). Jinshi was back to sitting on the couch, a book in his hands. Something that was quickly disregarded as you gently closed the door behind you.

"The ice should be up soon." You informed the room with a respectful bow.

Jinshi didn't look at all interested, "What took you so long?" It sounded like contempt. Irritation if you had to really dig. Something that made you falter.

You look up and see the pout on his lips— childish, as always. "Oh, I'm sorry, Jinshi-sama. I happened to run into a friend and got caught up in conversation." You apologized softly. The last thing you wanted to do was bring him more annoyance and disturbance.

He straightened considerably, "A friend?"

You didn't like the way it was spoken. A touch of disbelief was enough for you to eye him with your own distaste. Even if you and Lihaku were nothing more than strangers with vague familiarity with one another.

"Yes, a friend." You confirmed with thin lips. Despite your inner voice telling you to reign in your attitude, you upturn your nose and decide to join Maomao— whose eyes were shooting between the both of you with trepidation and vague sympathy. "He was being kind."

Jinshi huffed, "I didn't know you had any secret friends."

"Not a secret. Just don't find any time to speak about it with you, Jinshi-sama."

That made the man falter, a darkened shadow over his face. "I suppose." He frowned heavily now, squinting at you with something unreadable. "Who is this friend of yours?"

You, finding no reason to lie, continued on, "Officer Lihaku."

In an instant, three heads snapped to you with varying degrees of emotions. Maomao looked shocked, but welcomed the information with a shrug. Gaoshun looked pale and overwrought, for whatever reason you weren't entirely sure, but you had an itching feeling it had to do with Jinshi.

The same Jinshi that was now face down on the couch, letting out a miserable sound. Speaking into the fabric of it all, unintelligiable. But you swore you heard something along the lines of— "that second rate, again?!" As he continued to rant and cry.

With that, you decided it best to not involve yourself with whatever Jinshi was battling. You wouldn't win anyway.

You'd always hated Kousen-sama.

He almost always seemed to loom in the shadows. An masked man who held no personality or words of his own. Pleasantries offered out of necessity and not because that was simply the right thing to do. He was mysterious. He hardly appeared, but he was always there. A reminder for what things would return to one odd day. A symbol for exactly where your loyalties and master lied.

Kousen-sama was to always appear before others with his mask on. To avoid them seeing the ghastly sight of scars and blemishes that adorned his skin because of his sickness (whatever that may be) and spare him the indecency of stares. He was unmoving. Stone amongst he lively environment that ate away at their lunches and softly conversed with one another.

Prince. The respectable Kousen-sama. The great son of the empire. The brave prince against all odds.

Oh, how much you hate Kousen-sama.

But you still had woken up early to help him pin his hair back. To slip his robes on. To delicately place the mask on, fingering the bangs out through the slits to allow some type of familiarity. You were his confidant. His reliable and kind servant.

As always, you and Basen stood behind Kousen-sama with your backs straight and eyes ahead. A pleasant servant on loan and stern guard, you both were familiar faces against the unrecognizable figure in front of you. It reminded the people exactly who was before them. Exactly who had decided to grace their presence.

Still, it brought you discomfort.

You still eyed Gaoshun in the corner of you eye. The older man sat at the other end of the table. Maomao standing behind him with a distant look in her eyes, obviously not paying attention to the things happening around her. Not entirely surprising, but you felt the overwhelming urge to scold her for her lack in etiquette.

Oh, you're starting to think like Suiren, aren't you?

Suddenly, Basen is tensing up beside you and Kousen-sama is turning his head away from a scowling Shishou. Your eyes snap between the two with a scowl of your own. Whatever that man had said—

Kousen-sama's hand clenches. So tightly that his knuckles turn white and he shakes. You know something isn't right. You had missed something. Something so obvious and you were too concerned about Gaoshun.

The man stands from his chair, the legs loudly clattering against the tiled and stone floor. You watch uneasily as Kousen-sama raises, takes a moment to collect himself, then practically speeds away from the room. You don't waste a moment to bring your sleeve covered hands to your mouth and make your own exit.

As you pass a concerned Maomao and Gaoshun, you hear a barely uttered whisper from the girl— heat. Food.

You try to hide your confusion and worry as you follow behind your master.

It doesn't take you long to find him.

Down the path, up against a tree, the masked figure was hunched and obviously breathing heavily. You draw closer, outstretching a hand to gently press it against the large expanse of his back.

"Kousen-sama, are you quite alright?" You ask softly, hunching slightly to capture a glimpse of his eyes from that slit in the fabric.

When you do, you're almost breathless. His violet eyes are alight with something distant and scornful. Eyebrows furrowed as he meets your own gaze.

"Y/N...?" He sounded vaguely surprised under it all, breathless himself. As if he couldn't quite believe that you were here in front of him.

You nod once, reaching out and grabbing ahold of one of the ties keeping the mask all together. "I'm going to remove this. No one is around."

His hand is suddenly wrapped around your wrist. Not tight or unrelenting, but enough to make you freeze. Warm and clammy skin against your own to make you feel scorched. You don't need to see his entire face to know that his jaw was clenched now.

"I can't," he said in all his self-assuredness, "Someone might still come."

What a pain. You thought to yourself as you draw in a heavy breath.

You don't waste a second to slip under his arm, wrapping it around your shoulders and allowing him to lean most of his weight against you. "No worries, sir, I'll just find us some place where no one else is around."

You gently guide Kousen-sama from the line of trees and deep within it. Finding an oddly familiar path created within your mind to follow that takes you towards an overflowing waterfall. A loud crash of water hitting the rocks and body of water below that brought you a distant sense of comfort. The refreshing smell of the water hits your nostrils and you take a deep breath.

With Kousen-sama against you, you felt the sweltering heat hit you tenfold. But the mist from the waterfall brushed against your skin like a gently caress from an old lover.

This is it.

You stumble over to one of the few trees next to the waterfall and gently guide Kousen-sama to sit up against it. The man took a heavy breath and you finally felt a little at ease. Reaching forward, you moved to take the cloth off once again and then—

A loud thud and chunks of dirt hit your cheek.

You frowned, looking to the ground only a could feet away and saw a small crater. A sharp smell filled your senses and you stiffened. It was an unkind and almost putrid scent. The smoke from the small crater was the main cause.

"Eh—?"

You were suddenly cut off as Kousen-sama wrapped his arms around you, jerking you upwards and away from the tree. You would've basked in the way his body was pressed against your back or the way his fingers seemed to mold into your abdomen— you would've if it weren't for the loud crack in the air then the pieces of bark that flew through the air around you.

The tree that he had been pressed up against only moments ago was now split open with a piece of metal imbedded into the wood. It looked eerily similar to the same that had been in the ground moments ago.

"Is that a feifa?!" His voice pierced through your thoughts, oddly frantic and uneasy as he moved quickly from the tree and towards the river.

You glanced up at him and found him already staring down at you. Eyes narrowed and, if it weren't for the mask, his entire face would be scrunched up in that familiar distaste and panic. Yet he seemed eerily calm as he dragged you through the trees and into the water.

"Sorry, but this is gonna get a bit dramatic." His voice was soft against your head, warm breath caressing your hair as he wraps a protective arm around your head.

Your eyebrows raise, "Dramatic— WHAT?" You should've known his tone and choice of his words were a warning for what was to come, but you were still caught off guard.

He gave no indication that he was going to jump off the cliff.

"Jinshi, you goddamn idiot!"

You mustn't get ideas above your station.

The water was oddly clear. Even with the mix of the overflowing waterfall, under it all was peaceful and calm. Fishes and water like insects lived in harmony.

Cool and calm. Always.

You are there to serve your master.

The little boy's head burst from the water with a big grin, short hair flat against his head and dripping. The sun reflecting off his violet eyes and almost blinded the little girl curled up on the side shore. Her face set into a scowl, clothes drenched, and a looming unimpressed older man behind her.

"It's so nice out, why don't you come in!" Beckoned the boy from the water.

The little girl shot him a nasty look, "You know why, you jerk!"

The boy's grin faltered, tilting his head at his friend, "Eh? Why are you being mean?" His voice wavered on the ends, still just floating in the middle of the basin.

"I'm not mean! You're mean! You're the biggest meanie!" The little girl stood up to throw an accusatory finger at the boy, her sleeve heavy and uncomfortable as she moved.

The boy's face reddened, eyebrows scrunched together, "I'm not mean! You're mean!" He repeated.

"No, you are! You're the biggest meanie in the whole wide world!"

"No, you are!"

"You are! You pushed me into the water!"

"You are! You should swim!"

"I hope you drown, meanie!"

The boy's expression fell completely. A heartbroken glint in his eyes flooding them. His lips trembled. But, before he could do something like cry, he was already swimming deeper

Nothing less, nothing more.

"Now, now," a large hand rested on the little girl's shoulder and gently tugged her back, turning her around to face the man. He seemed to be trying to appear as tender as he could to try calm down the girl's high nerves. "No need to get angry."

"But, Gaoshun—" The little girl whined.

Gaoshun shook his head, patting her shoulder, "No, we don't argue. Try to forgive and forget, yeah?" He reminded the lessons that he'd attempted multiple times to teach the two children. "No reason to walk around with resentment for others, right?"

The little girl scoffed her shoe against the ground, a pout on her lips, "Do I have to, Gaoshun?" She knew what this would call for. Exactly how this would end for her.

The man heaved a sigh, nodding, "Yes, you do. Now, go reconcile. I'll wait here."

The girl faltered as the man raised to his full height, cupping his hands behind his back. She dragged her feet through the soft soil and found her way towards the boy once more. He was grasping onto the edge of the bank, sniffling and snorting. His shoulders shook and his face was stuffed into his arms.

The little girl frowned. "Um... Are you okay?"

The boy stiffened, not turning around as he answered, "No."

"I'm sorry, I said something real mean." The little girl uttered, stepping closer as she clutched her wet clothes. "I just... You pushed me into the water, I can't..."

"I thought you were my friend!" The little boy whirled around on her, face red and eyes filled with big tears. He looked enraged but incredibly disheartened. The girl blinks in return as the boy glares. "You say such mean things to me. Friends aren't supposed to be mean!"

The girl clenched her jaw, "You were mean to me first!" She accused.

The boy sniffled, wiping under his nose with his forearm. "You're my friend." He repeated as if that cleared up any anger.

Nothing more, nothing less.

The little girl slowly sat beside him, her feet dipping under the water. "It is nice." She whispered.

The little boy dragged his eyes upwards, looking hurt but hopeful. "Right?" he asked, equally as quiet.

"You're my friend too, Jinshi." The little girl nudge him with her leg.

Jinshi's eyes twinkled, wide and all too bright, "Really?"

"Really." The little girl confirmed with a toothless grin. "My friend forever and ever!"

Jinshi positively beamed, the water sloshing as he jumped happily. "Forever and ever, and ever!"

"And ever!"

"It's no longer... appropriate for you and Jinshi-sama to be friends."

"I don't... I don't understand. He's my friend."

"His mother no longer finds it appropriate for you to concern yourself with Jinshi."

"But, Gaoshun—"

"No, Y/N. It's over. Come along. Suiren has a present for you."

"He's.... He's my friend...."

"I'm so sorry."

You are to give your life to your master.

The woman paused, back pin straight, as she entered her master's office, finding him curled up in the corner, muttering nonsensically to himself. The guard of said master was watching on with a pitiful expression of his own, only breaking his eyes away when the woman entered the room. His expression only seemed to deepen.

She didn't need to ask. There was an unspoken understanding as to what their master's breakdown was regarding. The Apothecary. The one that had gotten the attention of everyone in the palace as of late. The one that had been causing her great grief as of late— and was about to create more.

"Jinshi-sama?" The woman called softly, stepping closer.

Jinshi's lifeless eyes continued to stare at the floor below him. A gentle rocking seeming to soothe himself from the rages of his mind. "I don't need anything, Y/N. Thank you, kindly." He uttered just as lifelessly.

The devoted servant's chest clenched. Her face flushed as she reached out a wavering hand. To place it delicately against his hunched back. To offer her best comforting words that she could. To distract him away from her.

Any inappropriate behavior will be punished, severely.

She faltered. This wasn't her place. This wasn't a part of her duties unless Jinshi said so. Inappropriate behavior wasn't called for. It will be punished severly.

Retracting her hand, she stands, and offers a respectful bow. "Please call me if you need anything, Jinshi-sama." And left him in his dark corner.

"Gaoshun, may I ask you something?"

"Of course, Jinshi-sama."

"You have been in my life for as long as I can remember. You remember more than I possibly could about my younger years. Whatever happened to cause me and Y/N to fall apart?"

"...."

"It had to be around the time I was eight that I noticed we were growing apart. Even now, I see it so clearly."

"It's been a long time, Jinshi-sama. You're no longer children."

"All the more reason to know, isn't it?"

"I don't know...."

"Gaoshun, nothing will come of it. I'm simply curious."

"..."

"I'm sorry to put you in this position. Please return to what you were doing."

"Jinshi-sama.... you might not like the truth..."

"I usually don't."

"Where to begin.... Before her eighth birthday—"

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"H....E—"

Everything felt so muffled. Faraway. Featherlight.

Was that a pressure against your chest? A thump that came into quick successions, then stopped. For something soft and ever so delicate to press against your lips?

Everything was distant. So far away from your grasp. From your state of being. As if you were already long gone from whatever reality you were in moments ago.

"H—"

It was almost like floating. A gentle sway and a crack.

A joyful gliding against the sky that soothed you away from worries and woes.

Thump. Thump. Lips.

Repeating endlessly. Happily. Wetly?

Thump. Thump. Lips.

You welcomed it. Whatever it was. Whatever kept the rhythm. The wonderful rhythm.

Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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THUMP. THUM—

You shot up with a cough.

Your throat burned and head ached terribly. Your eyes almost felt like they were about to pop out of your head and roll away. You felt horrible.

It didn't help that you were drenched from head to toe either.

Beside you, there was a heavy and loud sigh of relief as he fell to his backside. He let a silence fall over you both as you recovered, hand pressed against your throat and heaving.

Jesus. Had you almost...

The thought alone almost made you sick.

"I'm sorry. I thought.... I didn't think you still couldn't swim." His voice was soft, barely heard over the waterfall. Kind and cautious, worried and terrified. Things that seeped from his tone as if it were bleeding out and bearing all its insides to you.

Exposing him to you.

You peeked over your loose strands of hair to glare viciously at him. "When would I have the time to learn to swim?" You shot back ruthlessly, not entirely caring from etiquette in this moment. "You've lost your mind."

"Right." Jinshi immediately agreed, almost looking fearful as he watched you.

You push yourself up and take in a deep breath, coughing slightly at the burn of your throat. Taking in your surroundings, you swore that this was that—

"Are you really alright?"

You glanced back at the man and found him still sat on the damp ground. His eyebrows are furrowed and a small frown on his lips as he stared up at you. It made you uncomfortable. To see such a glittering violet staring back at you earnestly. Honestly.

You instead clutch onto your dress, "Suiren is gonna kill me." You scoff, tugging the garments apart.

You could hear Jinshi sputter behind you. The gravel and dirt below him crunching as he probably scrambled up from his spot.

You spared a feeble look over your shoulder to find him with his eyes clenched slowed, hand covering your body from his gaze. You snap your gaze back around and tug the fabric a little too hard as you scoff.

You wouldn't deny the pang of hurt that clenched your chest.

"Don't worry, Jinshi-sama, you won't have to see my unruly body of mine for long. I just want to make sure Suiren doesn't slaughter me when we return."

"I— No, I'm just— okay." He finally muttered.

You are stripped down to your underthings, placing the dress and various pieces on the ground as delicately as you can to avoid too much dirt being stained into the fabric.

As you place the last bit of clothing down, you hear the flutter of fabric behind you.

Jinshi is a bright red, gently tossing his robe down behind him. His back is facing you and you know its for whatever mock sense of modesty he wants to give the both of you. You instinctively reach out and take his robe in your grasp, twisting it and squeezing it to watch out a fair amount of water drip out.

"You worry about mine later. Take care of your things first."

Yeah, right, You think as you twist it with an unrelenting grip. You are there to serve your master. It's one of the first things you learn. His needs came before your own. His needs were your needs.

Jinshi snatched the robe away and squeezed the fabric tight, an overflowing amount of water released from the cloth and into the ground.

Okay, so maybe he was better at it than you.

You nod, turning your attention towards your own garments and try to ignore the overwhelming feeling that you had eyes on your rear.

"So, um—" Jinshi cleared his throat when his eyes dragged away from you, cheeks a bright red. "What now?"

"Well, we could attempt at trying to swim back—"

"You can't swim."

"I was going to say that."

"Oh, sorry."

There's a soft silence between the both of you as you finish up. Gently redressing, you make your way towards the entrance of the cave, where the waterfall is blocking it from any negative eyes. You press your lips into a thin line and regard it bitterly. You remember this waterfall.... you could recall the times you whimsical pondered what it'd be like to ride down it like in those stories.

Jinshi had promised such when you both were too young and too dumb to realize how naïve dreams like that were.

You couldn't really judge that mini-you, for you had your own dreams of—

"Remember when Gaoshun first brought us here?"

You hadn't realized that Jinshi made his way over until he was standing beside you. Robes lose over his shoulders and tugging on his top layer. Violet eyes were watching the water as if it were a canvas of memories in the long distant past. Something to be admired and viewed with daisies and smiles. Not to be addressed as anything but good or amazing. Not to see the truth of it all.

You press your lips together, drawing in a heavy breath, "I remember you pushing me in the water and Gaoshun having to pull me out."

Jinshi's face screws up slightly, a faint blush on his features as he almost looks around with shame. "Right...." He straightens, "I'm sorry."

You blink, "Huh?"

Jinshi glances at you with a small smile, "I, uh, never really apologized back then. Made you apologize like you did something wrong." He explains weakly.

You raise an amused brow, "I told you I wished you would drown."

"I kinda deserved it!" Jinshi counters, his lips cracking into a grin. That charming grin he gets that makes your heart flutter. Make you hopeful for terrible and wistful. "I'm real sorry."

You smile softly, eyes kind and soft as you regard him, "I forgave you a long time, Jinshi-sama."

Jinshi's expression faltered, "Don't call me...." He trailed off awkwardly, turning his attention back to the unrelenting waterfall. You watched him for that moment. That split second where it looked like he was actually going to say something that would make you lightheaded. His jaw working and the muscle jumping as he seems to contemplate his next words.

Say anything and I'll cling to it, You think, watching his lips part, I always have. I always will.

"I'm surprised you were the one that followed me out. I thought the Apothecary might've done it."

You tense. That was certainly not what you expected him to say. Of all the things he could say? The Apothecary.

The waterfall in front of you is suddenly much too loud and violent. The cave seems to darken and your eyes drag from Jinshi to stare at your bare feet. Of course. Of course. Why wouldn't he want Maomao? Why had you even came here? Who were you to get between whatever silent signal he was trying to send to the other girl.

Him and Maomao. It was nicer than him and you. Jinshi and Y/n.

You straighten, pushing down any ill thoughts and heavy feelings into the dark pits of your chest and mind. "I apologize for the intrusion. I thought it'd make more sense for me to accompany you, Jinshi-sama."

"Why are you apologizing....?" He trailed off and then made a noise that sounded eerily similar to that of a caught man. "No, wait, I'm really glad that you're the one who came! Like really glad!"

"You don't have to spare me, Jinshi-sama. I'm a woman now, not a little girl."

"I'm not—" He visibly slumps, closing his eyes and trying to collect whatever thoughts he has and place them appropriately. He draws in a breath and faces you, looking oddly serious compared to his usual self. "I'm not trying to spare your feelings. I was just trying to say that— Well, it's not— I want you here, Y/n."

He's sparing your feelings. He's being kind. He doesn't actually want you there. You can't be friends.

You don't spare him a response. Instead, walking further into the cave. You raise your eyebrows, looking at the gaping hole above you where light and the sounds of nature filtered in. What could possibly get you both out of there...?

Whistle. Sit.

Of course. Him.

Jinshi sighs, "I spoke to Gaoshun before we—"

You place your fingers in the corner of your mouth and blow. A loud whistle bounces off the cave walls and out of the hole. You wait and hope to hear a bark or see the familiar tall man, but there's nothing.

"What are you doing?" Jinshi asks slowly, glancing between you and the hole above.

"Hello?" You cup your hands over your mouth and shout as loudly as you can. "Is anyone out there?"

Jinshi frowns, staring at you uneasily, "Y/n, please, we don't want to attract them this direction."

In the mess of almost drowning and seeing peeps of Jinshi's bare skin, you'd almost forgotten that you both had been chased down here by some violent assassin. Rather foolish, if you were honest.

You place the tips of your fingers against your lips and try to force the blush spreading across your cheeks off. "Sorry." You offer a bow of your head, despite the position you both find yourselves in.

You receive no response which causes you to peek at him. The stare that he's leveling you with doesn't bring you any type of comfort. It usually meant he was about to say something that—

"Hop on my back and see if you can reach up there."

—you wouldn't like.

Your eyebrows shot upwards and you stared at him with wide eyes. If Suiren was here and knew what he just proposed, she'd positively lose her mind. No matter how long she had known you— she'd think it improper. He was your boss and you were his lowly servant. To be in an position above him or treating him like a mat, it was...

It was simply ridiculous.

"But—"

"If you're the one below, you'll get crushed." He jabs a thumb over his shoulder. "Do it."

And that's how you ended up here. Legs wrapped around Jinshi's shoulders and heads, hand reaching out for the dirt above. You dig your fingers in and glance down at the man below you.

"Are you sure I'm not hurting you?"

Jinshi sighed for what seemed the hundredth time that day, his hand on your thigh squeezing gently. "Y/N, please stop asking me that."

You grimace, "My apologies, Jinshi-sama. Sorry." You shakily raise from your place, ignoring the soft and deep grunt Jinshi gives as you stand on his shoulders.

You dig your nails into the damp dirt and begin to tug yourself up.

This is it. Finally, you could get into the open forest once again. You're not going to be suffocated by his presence. Everything will return back to its rightful places—

You froze when it smacked you in the forehead.

You tried to keep calm as you felt the slimy breathing thing rest on your skin. Body tensed up and eyes staring widely at the bright sky above.

"Y/N?" Jinshi softly called, noticing the way you tensed.

"F—Frog." You utter, jaw clenched tight and you felt it shift as you take a deep breath. "A frog."

Jinshi blinked, looking up at you with his own wide eyes, "Hey, don't-don't freak out! Just shake your head and it'll hop off."

You shake a little, but follow his instructions. However, you may have overestimated the shake as you lose your grip on the dirt and begin to fall back.

"Hey!"

The tumble down is short and not all that hurtful, like you had been expecting. You had closed your eyes in anticipation, fear of having to watch the ground quickly approach too much for your tiny heart. You expected to feel the damp mud to be seeping into your clothes and little bits of stone and bark digging into your skin. However—

Nothing.

There was nothing except the soft silk under your fingers. The scent that resembled a sweet fruit, one that you had smelt quite often in the mornings. In the noons, the evenings, the nights, repeat. You knew that smell and that familiar beat against your own chest.

Peeking your eyes open, you find that Jinshi is already staring back at you. The first thing you notice is that you both are extremely close to one another. His breath fans against your dewy face, making goosebumps raise off your skin and a shiver sent down your spin. Next is his tender expression, Eyes gentle and twinkling. His expression isn't filled with pain or anything that would indicate that he was uncomfortable with the very short distance between you both. The last thing you notice is the fact that your body is pressed against his.

Your complexion flushes and you blink down at him.

He's warm. Incredibly warm. A sharp contrast to his damp clothes, which are open and pooling under his shoulder blades, revealing his bare chest to you. Your breath is ripped from you as you stare at the plump skin. You've seen it a million times. Every day as you help him get ready for the day. It should be normal. Should be something that doesn't make you lightheaded.

But it does.

He's right there. Right against you. You can feel his heartbeat ramming against his chest and into yours. You can feel every small breath he takes—as if hanging onto this moment with, what? Trepidation? Unease? You weren't entirely sure but you knew that you felt light.

Was it so bad that you felt nice in this moment? That this warmth was wrong? Was it so out of your reach that you simply couldn't imagine a man wanting to embrace you in a way?

You are to give your life to your master. Any inappropriate behavior will be punished, severely.

Yes. It was.

You clenched your jaw, ignoring the tender look in Jinshi's eyes as you try to bring your mind into the present.

The frog.

It wasn't anything that you wanted to touch, but Jinshi was your master. Your discomforts and fears must be pushed away for his sake and needs.

Reaching down, you feel for any signs of the frog. It wasn't large, but it wasn't entirely small either. It wouldn't be hard to find in all it's slimy and— There it is.

Your hand brushed it and you feel almost elated to find it. Your hand cupped around the bulge from Jinshi's robes. It feels much bigger than the average frog that'd been on your forehead. It was unmoving to, except for the small twitch it gives as you rest your palm down. You gripped it.

"Hng," Jinshi grunts, his eyes close. You're a little shocked as his hips shift, his hands at your hips dig into your flesh, almost too eager. You snap your eyes upward to his suddenly sweating and flushed face. "I-I'm sorry, but... but could you move your hand? It's making things, um, rather difficult."

Difficult?

You grip onto the twitching frog below you—

"U-Uh—" Jinshi moans in a deep and guttural way that would make anyone, especially you, malfunction. It doesn't help that his hands latch onto you harder, pressing you closer and releasing a stuttering breath against your ear.

Why was he squirming so much? Why was his face so red and dripping with sweat? Why was his chest heaving and his hands flexing around your skin? And why was this thing twitching and getting bigger in your hold....

Oh.

You are to give your life to your master. Any inappropriate behavior will be punished, severely.

You felt a little sick at your intrusion. At the gall. You couldn't believe yourself. You had violated one of the single rules you were ever given. You violated Jinshi's space. His entire being. You were to be punished and hated— ousted from your position.

Disgusted with yourself, you slowly stand up. Jinshi's softly panting from his position on the ground, running a hand through his mused hair.

"S-Sorry, I haven't— I'm a bit—" Jinshi's obviously embarassed and uncomfortable. Look what you've done. You've ruined it all. "Hey, where are you going?"

Before you could think much more as his hands grip your hips once again and pull you down.

You're sat on his his lap and you could feel it.

"J-Jinshi-sama, I'm so-I'm so sorry!" You tucked your head down, shaking with trembling lips.

Jinshi's hands fall to your thighs, limp, "Eh...?"

"What I did was truly inappropriate and-and I will take any and all punishment!"

"Punishment...?" He sounded terribly confused, still a bit breathless. You keep your head ducked and he remains unmoved. "Why would I... you're not getting punished."

"I give my life to you. Any inappropriate behavior will be punished." You repeated softly under your breath, tucking your hands against your face to hide away from his gaze. From the judgement and hatred. "It's only just."

There's a longstanding silence between the both of you and you're hopeful that he's coming to his senses. That you'd be released and freed. That you would finally accept the gap and space between them. To fall away, finally, to the shadows.

It was tarnished the moment Jinshi wraps your hands around your own, gently prying your hands away from your face.

He doesn't look vengeful or angered. No. No, he looks kind. As he always has been. Kind and considerate. Honest and open. He'd always been so...

He'd never really been angry with you. Not without sadness being overbearing. Always so quick to forgive you. To push everything away with a smile and crinkle of his eyes.

"Y/N..." His words are as soft as his expression.

Your hands shake, "Please... Please hate me." You pleaded quietly, pressing your forehead against his hands as if he were a monk to be begged to.

"I'm not going to punish you or... or anything of the sort. Why would you want that?"

You draw in a watery breath, shoulders shaking, "It's easier to let go that way." You admitted.

"Let go of what?"

"Of my love for you."

"What?!"

His shout echoed off the cave walls. Your humiliation and embarrassment was quick to follow once it bounced back at you. Made you flinch back and try to push yourself back from his lap. Why did you say anything? Fool. Disgusting fool.

"Hey, hey, hey," Jinshi's hands wrap around your wrists and tug you forward a bit. You refuse to meet his eye. You refuse to be humiliated and demeaned— "Don't do that. Don't close off."

You clench your jaw and try to push the humilation deep within you, taking a deep calming breath as you stared at his bare collar. "You're so kind and so... you. I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable or disgusted, but I need to tell you. And then I would hope that you would let me go."

Jinshi's eyebrows shot up. "Let you go?"

You've been thinking about this for some time. That it all would be better if, in the end, you were to serve someone else. That you were pawned off for some soldier instead of this slow torture. This uncomfortable, unbearable tiptoeing.

"I would like for you to offer me to a soldier or anywhere else."

The reaction is instant. The way Jinshi's complexion darkens and he stares at you with wide eyes. He slumps into the damp ground and almost turns into putty. His hold on you slackens and gives you ample opportunity to move away. But you're frozen in your spot.

"Why would I do that?" Jinshi's voice is quiet, slow, "You're... You're mine."

A blush takes over your cheeks, "Jinshi-sama, It's not appropriate! I shouldn't be like this with you."

"What if I like it?"

You blink at him. "Huh?"

Jinshi leans forward, his thumb gently skirting against your skin. "What if I have some love for you too? What if I don't care about what's appropriate or follows the rules."

I would ask who you are. You were tempted to say but your mouth was clamped shut in shock. Following the rules had been completely him. He was put in his current position now to ensure the rules in the rear palace were being followed diligently. The thought that he would love someone like you when there were people like Maomao or princesses out there. People much more deserving of his devotion. It wasn't right.

As if sensing you're not believing him, he pulls away and presses his lips thin. "Okay, I'll convince you." He straightens up and takes a breath. "I spoke to Gaoshun not too long ago. Before we came here and I know everything now."

A pause. Everything. He knew everything now? Everything is so much. Everything is... well, everything. What exactly had Gaoshun told him?

"What's everything?"

"That my mother didn't want you around anymore. That Gaoshun told you that you weren't allowed around me anymore. That you stopped being my friend and became my employee."

Your stare up at Jinshi with wide eyes. "That's not...Us being friends wasn't right anymore."

Jinshi frowned, shaking his head and his hands slide up to your arms. "If I had my way, I would've had you by my side all that time. Not as some lady-in-waiting, but as my equal."

You shake your head, ignoring the erratic beating of your heart against your chest. "Don't say that. Don't say things you don't mean, Jinshi." You beg softly.

Jinshi reaches out, wrapping his hands around your own, pressing it against his chest. "I mean it with everything in me. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have ever been separated from you. Forget what my mother said." His words were sweet, tempting. They made you lightheaded. So did the sudden brightness and tender smile on his face. "That's the first time you've called me Jinshi since we were kids."

"What? I've always called you Jinshi."

"No, you've always called me Jinshi-sama."

"Oh."

You suppose you had.

"Jinshi," You utter, unsure of what else you both could say.

Jinshi's expression, if possible, softens further, leaning forward an inch. "Yes?" He whispers back just as softly.

Your eyes trail between his eyes before moving to his lips, parted and glistening, "Jinshi..."

Jinshi's hand slides up your thigh and his lips are ghosting against yours, "I'm here. I promise." He whispers before pressing your lips together delicately.

Your heart soars. Your hands shakily press against his cheeks, drawing closer as his own press your hips together. He's soft. He's tender. He's cautious and all encompassing. Filling your senses and making you lightheaded.

As you both part for a breath, he flips you onto your back. His hand grips the underside of your thigh and presses you close enough that he lets out a soft and broken sound.

His eyes are heavily lidded as he gazes down at you, lips pink. "I just want you. No one else. I promise." He utters.

You twist your hands into his hair, eyes fluttering. "You're it." You pass back.

His lips are back on yours. Wet and eager. This is sudden. Fast. But you've been waiting for so long. Had been clinging onto the smallest of things. Desperate to have this closeness that you had now. To feel his skin against yours. His breath mixing with your own. Everything him and everything you intertwined.

You just wanted to cherish this—

WOOF!

You and Jinshi both tense up, jumping. Looking over his shoulder, your eyes widen upon finding a familiar dog staring down at you both, wagging tail eager and happy to see you.

Jinshi's eyebrows furrow, "Huh...?"

There's not much warning before the dog is jumping down. Landing straight on Jinshi's back, causing the poor man to let out a pained sound. He's squishing you against the ground as the dog stands on his back, happily lapping his tongue against your cheek.

Vague disgust and disappointment wash over you, but you smile all the same. "Oh, boy!"

He barks again. A greeting you're sure.

Above, Lihaku and, surprisingly, Maomao appear. Both of them stare down at you with varying degrees of emotions. Lihaku looked excited and kinda like his dog, while Maomao.

Well, Maomao looked all too knowing.

"Well, you look rough!" Lihaku called down with a grin, "Glad to see you're not dead."

"As am I!" You huff out a laugh, then look to Maomao. "Hello, Xiaomao!"

"Hello." Maomao said flatly, she looked lower and her face screwed up distastefully. "Is Jinshi-sama okay?"

Lihaku then he spots his dog and slightly pales, letting out a sharp whistle. "C'mon, boy!"

The dog eagerly jumps off Jinshi, going to sit by your head and wag his tail. The man above you sighs in relief, pushing up off you. He sits up and you try not to focus on the bright blush on his face.

"Why did he do that?" The royal asks.

"Must've thought something was wrong." Lihaku rubs the back of his neck, frowning down at you both. "What... exactly where you two doing?"

You and Jinshi glance at one another, furious blushes flushing over you both. Despite anything that Jinshi said, there were things that you weren't allowed to do. Rules and laws that forbid something like this form happening the public eye. For a man like himself from being with a woman like you. A servant with a beautiful prince.

Protecting him was the priority.

"Nothing!" You shout back, ignoring the eyebrow raise that garnered from both Jinshi and Maomao.

Everything was better left alone. A secret between the both of you. To cherish and hold for however long it may need. You could deal with the anger and longing later.

#✩࿐ t writes #jinshi x reader #apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries x reader #jinshi #jinshi x y/n #jinshi x you #Kusuriya no Hitorigoto x reader #Kusuriya no Hitorigoto #request #anon

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austinsastrology8991 · 10 months

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> Saturn ASPECTS < and why you ain't getting the respect you deserve Saturn puts you in shitty cycles/ patterns to make you; by breaking you > and when you inevitably return to these struggles, you'll realise you've mastered his circuits

yes i had break, im back now. so get over it.

Saturn aspecting Sun - loosen up. but everytime you do, something else fucks up. so now your the most rigid person. its hard to have a good time with yall, because you take things so seriously, but damn do you exceed when shit needs to be taken seriously - because your so careful in your movements 🚶‍♂️. they tend to have a habit of stating the obvious then smirking about it, which is so confusing because like we all knew that, but why you acting like you did something? this type of shit is why people struggle to chill around you, but ill ask for your advice about real shit because your obsessed with being an authority and like thats the only way to approach you guys without getting iced by you Saturn aspecting Moon - Stop crying. oh wait i meant to say; start crying. jesus you got some fucked up villainous back story but your stone walling everyone because it hurts too much to even open up to anyone. because i mean whats the point? if everyone is just going to tell you "its going to be okay" when you never feel okay. feels bad man, and you know better than most how bad feels.. man.. so i guess saturn wants you to accept how cruel the world is, and how that affects everyone, so you are more prepared for bad circumstances then most. hardly a positive spin, ik.. but its to prepare you for your future. and you have no idea why you must go through so much pain - but there is a reason, and it will become clear later, so better utilize that energy to your benefit; because its just another one of saturns bitch cycles

Saturn aspecting Mercury - when you speak, people try there best to one up you, but your a master at it by now > passive aggressive, or authoritative - who gives a fuck if you belittle the other person, because i mean if your right, then you right. so better off writing it into reality, rather than watch everyone clown around with the wrong answers. but speaking ths way to others, really does make it hard to talk to you, even if you right, your just a fkn asshole. so honestyl. stop trying to figure out the right answer, and think about whats the right thing to say. stop pretending to be an authoritative speaker if no one even wanna listen to you, and start owning what you say more. Saturn aspecting Venus - joecly flores on repeat. okay i get it. you dont believe in love, because you see it how it is. well. its not actually how it is. youve ruined all your chances of anyone ever gonna love you because you think being all cold and mysterious is attractive (and it can be) but i mean who tf wanna love someone like that. its like riding a bike uphill. i mean i dont wanna do that. like these people are always attractive, but their attitude is so hard to ignore, its like trynna make a spider smile. thats why people reject you more than anythng else. and Ik that your just trying to find the real ones, but guess what, everyone that ever talked to you/ flirted with you, liked you.... oh thats too shallow or optimistic? my bad Saturn aspecting Mars - I never do anythng right ;(((((( well you actually do a lot right, but your always doing too much. your so obssessed with perfection and being a high achever that you've forgotten everything you've achieved becayse your so focused on the next one. if you just reflected on how much you work; in comparison to most, youd realize you are big achiever, and you dont understand reality as well as you think. well okay you do undersatnd reality extremely well (because you try so damn hard lol) but you've lost your sense of self because you still dont think your worth it till you achieve the next thing- hence the cycle of working yo ass off - but hey you'll achieve a lot, you just need to perfect your perfectionistic tendencies -then youll finally be perfect! (get it) Saturn aspecting Jupiter - i think this aspect is one of the coldest. because these people try so hard, but get no where for the majority of their life. till they change perspectives and realize if they try harded else where, they'd get launched into success. i mean the amount of people who are successful - and i mean hugely successful > have this aspect - and everytime it was due to massive luck. however only they could grasp the 'lucky' opportunity, and that initself makes their achievements so much cooler than others. remember its jupiter, so all your 'hardships' inevitably become your greatest 'luck'. the white guy from 'sean of the dead' has this, and look at how much he impacted movies in general... jus saying mad props to that guy and to yall

Saturn aspecting Uranus - okay these guys are outcasted from society hard, due to some bullshit, but when they get recasted back into civilization they become someone who can change society at large- but its gonna take so much work... their perspective has been molded differently to most because they've been alone for so long. they have strange ideas that somehow work into tangible assets. perfect example : eminem - i mean hes basically best case scenario with this aspect, but hey why not try for best case scenario? but then again he made that hamster song... so i mean not always best case scenario... THats the price of neglect you could say lmao. Saturn aspecting Neptune - your imagination is your greatest challenge but also the key to your ultimate glory. like Michael Jordan had this aspect and well he was hella delusional. until he wasnt.... but its hard to say how much this benefited him... because both stages of his life - pre glory - and; glory - he was heavily isolated from everyone, and (likely) suffered in seclusion, by placing so much importance on his dreams. saturn wants you to master the 'spiritual world' i.e. imagination and dreams, and this causes anxiety that their dreams will just be dreams. which is what makes them put so much effort into it becoming real... then they realize the price of it all when its too late. so just make sure your aware of what your manifesting because if anyone can make it, its you. (achieving ur dreams) Saturn aspecting Pluto - how powerless do you feel. you do realize people can see how thirsty you are for respect/power, because they can sense your insecurity from past exepriences, and thats why your easy to play with. but do not worry. you will attain true power with enough effort. not just a bullshit image of power. because you've been pushed into the most vile trials to have ever have existed, and its only so that when you become someone powerful, you utilize your power properly, and do not step on others, because you know damn well how much it hurts to be stepped on. so your power is > saturn. your trials are so intense, and you're basically broken, but things that are broken know how to cut others (like broken glass). and well saturn wants you to master this > pluto > the darkness. and it makes reaching the top so much more palpable, because you'd feel like you earnt it. but you can make others insecure about what youve overcame so you better be humble, or saturn will fuck you. no honour among thieves, and we know you experienced that, but the kings play different, and you gotta adapt or saturn will flatten you.

#astrology #astrology blog #astro community #astrology observations #astrology notes #astrology placements #astrology aspects #saturn aspects #astro observations

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solarwoniii · 11 months

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there's an angel in my bed ! shen quanrui

happy ricky day !

smut, fluff a lil angst, long distance relationship, boyfriend ! ricky x fem ! reader minors dni !

synopsis ; you come home early to surprise ricky on his birthday

contains ; soft dom ! ricky and sub ! reader, pet names ; baby, angel, pretty girl, ect. rough sex, penetration, cunnilingus, fingering, lingerie, creampie, unprotected, marking, dacryphilia reader has a thing for ricky's glasses (dont we all though)

wc ; 2.3k

📨y/n ; OMG U STUPID LOSER HAPPY BIRTHDAY

📨ricky ; THANK U BABYYY

📨ricky ; 12 MORE MONTHS! I HAVE THE DAY PLANNED OUT WE'RE GNA BE CELEBRATING FOR MY BDAY AND FOR YOU OFFICIALLY FINISHING YOUR STUDYING 💪💪

📨y/n ; uhmm abt that

📨ricky ; ?

📨y/n ; . . . im sorry :(( i should have told you earlier, i wish i didn't have to spring it up on u like this on ur birthday . . . i cant come back next yr either :((((

📨ricky ; oh . . . it's okay :) i understand, i can wait

📨y/n ; i love uuu :(

📨ricky ; ilyttt :DD do u have time to video call or is it too late over there ?

📨y/n ; i can't i'm sorryyy i feel so bad :((

📨y/n ; i sent u a gift tho !! the app says it arrived at your house a few mins ago

📨ricky ; NO DONT FEEL BAD it's okay :) i'll go check now

a disappointed sigh left ricky as he rose to his feet from the couch and trudged over to the front door.

you were studying abroad, as you had been for the past year. and although it was hard for him to say goodbye, and even harder for him to handle long distance, he wanted to be happy for you.

and the two times you had visited were the best moments of his life.

you had planned to visit him again today and stay for a week or two to spend some time with him on his birthday. but things hadn't gone as the two of you had hoped. an exam came up that was way too important for you to skip. and even if you tried to skip, ricky insisted that you stayed and focused on your passion. after all, there was always next year.

well. not anymore.

but it was okay. he had to stay optimistic. if not for himself, then for you. you were out there, doing what you loved. and what kind of boyfriend would he be if he stopped you from that? he could make some sacrifices.

but that didn't stop him from feeling upset. he was really looking forward to next birthday.

ricky walked through the hallway, running his fingers through his hair as his hand found the door handle, unlocking it.

as he opened the door his eyes met yours and he was sure his heart stopped from pure and utter shock.

the angelic face he'd missed seeing in person for months on end beamed with happiness and love.

"surprise!" you giggled with jazz hands.

"y-you're here."

"i am." you smiled, and picking up a plastic container that was sat on top of one of your suitcases, "and i brought cake! happy birthday. do you like the gift i sent?"

his eyes were wide as saucers as froze in his spot, clearly at a loss for words. you laughed, handing him the box and opening the door wider to make room for your suitcases as you let yourself in. he quickly came to his senses and gave you the cake in exchange for carrying your suitcases as the two of you walked side by side to the kitchen.

"i thought you couldn't make it this year . . ?" he asked, "what about your exam?"

"well," you said, putting the cake down on the kitchen counter, looking up at him, "i talked with my professor and he let me sit the exam a little early." you explained, putting an arm on the counter and leaning against it, "so i spent the rest of last week planning my surprise."

ricky was silent. he bit his bottom lip and looked down at you with glossy eyes. your eyebrows knitted together with concern as you reached up to cup the side of his face.

"hey, don't cry." you said softly, tilting your head to the side. ricky put his arms around you, burying his head in your shoulder, sniffling and shuddering against your skin as he gripped onto your shirt.

"i missed you so much." he mumbled.

"i missed you too."

he pulled away from you a little, looking down at you with his slightly reddened eyes, holding your cheeks in his hands and connecting his lips to yours in a loving kiss.

when he kissed you once he couldn't stop himself, growing increasingly needier for you as he did it again and again.

"can't believe i survived without you for four whole months," he whispered, lips not leaving each others in lustrous affection as he put his hands on your waist.

"ricky, slow down!" you giggled as he fluttered soft kisses across your jawline, "i'm not going anywhere anymore."

his lips met yours again, "m' not letting you go anywhere anymore." he whispered, "let's go upstairs, come on."

he held your hand tightly as he brought you up the steps and into his bedroom, closing the door behind him and continuing to kiss you.

he walked you backwards, stilling himself as the back of your knees hit the bed, putting hand on the back of your head as he laid you you down, hovering his tall figure over you, pinning you down with his arm around you.

his hand moved to his face to take his glasses off before you quickly held onto his bicep to stop him.

"hm?"

"don't." you said.

he smiled, "what is it with you and my glasses, hm?"

"they make you look hot." you said matter-of-factly.

"mmm." he hummed, as if he was deep in thought, bringing himself closer to you, nose grazing over your neck, "really?"

"m-mhm." you replied, shuddering at the way he was teasing you.

you gasped as he latched his lips to your neck, kissing, sucking, hickeying the supple skin.

"ricky," your grabby hands gripped onto his soft blonde locks, wanting something grounding.

"tell me, pretty girl." he whispered, looking down into your lust-burning eyes.

"i love you."

ricky smiled, pecking your forehead.

"i love you too, baby." he grinned, "is this alright?"

you nodded, looking up at him with soft doe eyes.

"need to hear you say it, love."

"i w-want you, ricky."

his fingers fiddled with the hem of your hoodie once he heard your clarity, "can i take this off?"

"mhm." you hummed, holding your arms up to assist him in pulling it over your head, eyes widening at what you had underneath it. a white and blue lingerie set made from flowy satin, bows around your neck and decorating the piece, ribbons cross-sectioning over your chest and stomach. you looked beautiful. angelic.

ricky gulped.

"do you like it? i bought it last week." you smiled.

"i think there's an angel in my bed." he said under his breath, struggling to pull his eyes away from the new set to look into your eyes. you giggled at his flustered state.

"do you really like it? i was worried it might not complement my body, or-"

"no. fuck, no. it's perfect. you're perfect."

your face heated up at his words as he keened into you, kissing down your body and making gentle reddening marks all over you until his head was between your legs.

"wanna eat you out." he whispered, pecking your inner thighs.

"o-oh, the skirt can come off, i can just-" you reached down to the waistband, ricky's hand catching yours before you could do anything.

"no."

"huh?"

"i want you to keep it all on. gonna look after my pretty girl in her pretty set" he said huskily, moving your now limpening hand to the side and holding it, loving how quickly you melted at his words.

you gasped as he kissed your clothed clit, tongue pressing against the satin material.

"o-ohmygod, ricky-" you shuddered, biting your bottom lip as he pushed the fabric to the side, licking a gentle stripe up your dripping heat, his head following the motion as his heavy-lidded eyes laid on your body.

"taste so sweet, baby. missed this pretty little pussy so much." he grunted, reluctantly letting go of your hand to hold your squirming hips down as he ate you out. he didn't waste any time once he had tested the waters, tasting you like he'd been starved all this time.

and he had. starved of you, the same way you'd been starved of him all these months.

you'd tried touching yourself at the thought of him in the time you'd been apart, and it helped a little, but it was nothing compared to ricky. he knew your body better than you did yourself.

his soft, slick-covered lips closed and enveloped around your sensitive clit as two of his fingers pushed into your yearning entrance, making you whimper from the sensation of his both his fingers and mouth at once.

your fingers found themselves caught in his hair once again, tugging at the strands when his fingers curled up in that way that had your eyes rolling back until stars appeared in your vision.

ricky smirked at the way you shook from his touch, releasing your swelling clit from his mouth as he looked up at you.

"come on baby, stay still for me." he said softly, watching as you let out a prolonged whine when he stilled his fingers, feeling your orgasm start to eb away.

"m' sorry! please don't stop, p-please i'll be g-good." you babbled, a droplet of spit dripping from the corner of your mouth. ricky laughed, moving his fingers again as he continued to stimulate you, coming back up so he was at eye level with you. he cradled your face, thumb wiping away the drool from your mouth before kissing your cheek, "my dumb little baby."

"f-feels so good ricky, th - . . . ink m' gonna-" you whined, the rest of your sentence getting stuck in your throat as you threw your head back from pleasure.

"yeah? you're gonna cum for me like a good girl?"

you nodded desperately, "c-can i please?"

"so polite," he smiled, "of course you can pretty baby."

at his words you came undone, eyes screwing shut as tears escaped them. ricky cooed at you, kissing the droplets as they raced down your cheeks.

"you did so well for me baby." he praised, putting his essence covered fingers to your lips and watching as you sucked on the slender digits.

your eyes still closed as you felt his tip rub against your clit, your teary eyes opening to see it. you bit your lower lip at the sight of something you had craved for all this time. the pinkened, bulbous tip running through your folds, still glistening from your previous orgasm, beautiful cock now getting covered in your slick.

"are you ready for me?" he asked.

you nodded eagerly, propping yourself up on your elbows, watching as his tip slowly disappeared into you until he filled you up all the way. the both of you moaned in unison at the feeling. your head fell back onto the pillow as he pulled in and out of you, engulfing in the sensation of pure bliss and need.

"you like this baby?" he grinned.

"m-mmh! love it s-s' much!" you trembled, holding onto his arms on either side of your head, caging you in him. your nails sunk into the skin, as he sped himself up, pretty tip hitting each and every spot.

"tell me more, pretty." he pushed gently. your legs wrapped around his body, more tears falling from your eyes as your lips quivered.

"f-feels so good wh-when you - oh my g-god - when you pin me d-down on your bed like this and f-f-fuck me."

"mmh." he hummed in response, cock now pummeling in and out of you and pace that had to be considered monstrous. he clearly was expecting more out of you, but your brain felt blank as he fucked you into an undiscovered state of oblivion.

ricky chuckled at you.

"is my baby too stupid to even think for herself? hm? can't function when i fuck you, can you?"

ricky loved the view he had before him. his beautiful girlfriend laid in his sheets, wearing what had to be the prettiest thing he'd ever seen, only visible thanks to the luminous moon through his window shining down onto you, making your eyes sparkle as tears danced down your flushed cheeks.

his climax began to feel ever so close, and it was clear yours was too as your body began to give out on you beneath him, tiring from so much at once. your mouth agape as whimpers and sobs left you, echoing through the room.

"s-so close, ricky." you mumbled.

"i know baby, cum for me when you're ready, okay?"

"ricky." you cried for him, eyebrows furrowed and lip reddened from biting down on it so hard. you looked so cute in this moment. so fucked out you had forgotten about the whole world around you.

"tell me baby."

"w-want kisses."

he smiled, leaning down to give you what you wanted, kissing you all over before meeting your lips in gentle loving kisses.

you whined against his lips, legs shaking as your second orgasm crashed over. he hushed you carefully, cupping your face and wiping your teary eyes with his thumbs as he finished inside of you.

you shuddered and sucked in a sharp breath as he pulled himself out of you.

"ricky~" you whined, heavy-lidded and eyelashes wet from your tears, head rolling off to the side of the pillow.

"it's all good baby. i've got you." he whispered, kissing your forehead before getting out of bed.

"where are you going?" you asked, holding his wrist weakly before he could leave.

"i'm just gonna get you something to clean up with and some clean clothes, yeah? we can go downstairs and eat cake after."

"mm-kay." you whispered, loosening your grip on him so he could leave to the bathroom, coming back as he promised, cleaning you up with the warm, dampened washcloth in his hand before helping you change.

the rest of the night was filled with love as the two of you ate cake and watched movies together until the early hours of the morning, when you fell asleep in each other's arms.

#ricky #ricky smut #ricky shen #ricky boys planet #shen quanrui #ricky zb1 #zb1 smut #ricky zerobaseone #zb1 fic #ricky fanfic #young and rich tall and handsome

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malfunctioningemi · 1 year

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Hi im emi and i think way too much about sk8 the infinity part 261

COLOUR THEORY TIME i just had like, a brain blast in realisation.

Reki is yellow coded, langa is blue. Usually people would ASSUME reki is the "red" character of the show because of his hair, but i think that just helps to show off his passionate and firey personality. His colour is yellow because he is energetic, friendly and most often optimistic (especially when it comes to helping people learn how to skate or make friends)

Langa is blue coded, usually used for quiet, cold and mysterious characters, or those with lots of sadness (think inside out). BUT because he is pastel blue, his sadness is lighter because of people like reki lifting him out if it. He is still young and has time to grow.

Because they are yellow and blue coded, its different from what is the usual trope of red and blue which are most often rivals or opposites. BUT because theyre yellow and blue, theyre actually perfectly made to compliment each other. I like to see it as reki being the sun to langas moon.

Now. You know who IS red coded? Adam. He is passionate and all about love and anger, the two emotions most connected to red. Because he is red, it links into his whole idea of thinking he "belongs" with langa, but he is already fulfilled by being with reki.

Then we see adams colours slowly change from red to that dark blue we see him wearing in the finale. He comes to realise that he was chasing after langa because he thought they were the same (blue = sad and hurt. Adam being a deeper blue means his emotions and sadness runs deeper aka because he has had YEARS longer to sit with his feelings and trauma) but it takes langa, a fellow blue, being happy and excited and wanting to skate with REKI not him, to show him that he doesnt have to put on this red boisterous persona. If we look at Adam through the years, he's never really had a red-coded personality. It's always an act. How he thinks people wANT him to act.

He's a blue, just like his hair and the suit he wears.

Now. Joe and cherry.

Cherry being pink is so INTERESTING TO ME. Its seen as graceful and youthful, but is also just a toned down version of red. Cherry CAN be graceful and composed, but is also full of so much anger and emotion (especially towards adam) and the fact the two are similar in colour makes me so invested. I also think Cherry has a complex colour pallet- being not only pink, but also wearing deep blues and whites. He is elegant and complex.

THEN JOE. oh joe. My deep green giant. He is down to earth (haha get it) and is always trusting his gut with everything, AND IDK IF YOU HAVE NOTICED THIS BUT HE NEVER GIVES BAD ADVICE!! Green is usually associated with grounded and level-headed characters, but green is also the colour of jealousy. Joe doesn't seem like the jealous type, but he has this strange loneliness to him. All he has is his restaurant and Cherry. He never seems to be able to fully grasp what he wants, so finds his fufillment in other places.

Now onto the fact that pink and green ARE opposites and so are cherry and joe. Where cherry is quiet and reserved, joe is loud and energetic. Their lifestyles and jobs couldn't really be more different. They argue and bicker and always seem to know what perfectly annoys the other most.

BUT!! Pink and green (while being opposites) ARE ALSO COMPLIMENTARY!!!! they work well together beCAUSE theyre so different. And being together just seems to work out somehow.

ANYWAYS. Yeah. Sun and moon coded renga are very special to me :)

#sk8 #sk8 the infinity #renga #matchablossom #reki kyan #langa hasegawa #kojiro nanjo #kaoru sakurayashiki #ainosuke shindo #sk8 adam #reki x langa #colour theory #the brainworms really love using my brain as a skatepark :)

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adaptacy · 8 months

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How do you think Johnny would do with a s/o who has a big family and they all seem kinda off? Like they all seem weird and seem like the type to have bodies in their basement while reader is all smiles and jokes :0

ooo this is very interesting. im not sure if you meant that reader doesn't know how weird their family is, or if they do and they're just a really good actor, but i'll write a little something for both instances!

For reader who knows that they're being weird, i'll include a ~ before the passage.

For reader who doesn't understand, I'll include two ~~

Johnny OBVIOUSLY has experience with weird family members and weird family member hobbies. he is, yknow, a kidnapper, serial killer, cannibal after all. (we love him for it tho)

He's also really not sure about your proposal for him to meet your family. but, also. he does.. well, you propose for him to meet your parents, and he just wants to propose. something he NEVER imagined he would be thinking of.

and it is the southern way to get the dad's blessing. he wouldn't even consider meeting your parents otherwise. But, after like a month and a half of you pleading with him, he finally agrees. he goes over for the fourth of July, and he's expecting it to just be your parents, maybe a younger sibling or two, but oh, oh no.

Its your parents, two sets of grandparents, three younger siblings, two aunts, one uncle, four nephews and two nieces.

He. is. lost. Overwhelmed. He thought he came from a large family, but no, nononono, you absolutely had him beat. You didn't even attempt to warn him! You were used to this, and didn't even think that maybe that's a lot of pressure for a guy who lowkey wants to marry you, and therefore be on good terms with your family.

The thing is, they hardly seem like your family. the reason Johnny was so intrigued by you, and attached to you, in the first place was because you were just so goddamn optimistic. PAINFULLY so. like, it was annoying how he could hear you nonstop encouraging the other victims when he'd first captured you.

You are talkative, and sunny, and annoying, to an extent. he loves you, of course, but he remembers being so irritated with you when he first brought you back to the house. he got used to it over time, and now he finds it adorable, but your family is so...

Stare-y. And whisper-y. And... creepy? He doesn't want to be mean, and he definitely feels like something is wrong. he reassures himself that its just because he's new, and he's probably just being paranoid. but he remembers how his family acted when he brought you around-- or, more so how Drayton and nubbins acted, and he is seeing quite the resemblance between them and your family.

Meanwhile, you're still as vibrant and giddy as ever, clearly excited at the opportunity. at what a big moment this is. and Johnny puts on a (clearly nervous) smile for you, casually greeting people and being met with short introductions and stiff, cold handshakes.

When he meets your parents, they look at him like he's the prey. and that is NOT a feeling he is used to, or one that he enjoys. His palms are sweaty, and it is not due to the heat. he feels like he's meeting mafia bosses, but you run up and hug them like its nothing. like they aren't literal final bosses.

Johnny is terrified, frankly, but he proceeds. he greets them, thanks them for having him, shakes their hands, introduces himself, etc. and they ask questions. he's still anxious, but he doesn't mind answering. they ask sort of... weird questions.

Like, the kind of questions that might come up in casual conversation, but not the kind that you ask right after meeting someone. Does he drink? Does he have his own car? Has he ever been out of the country? What's his blood type?

"Okay! That's enough," you laugh, cutting into his conversation with them, awkwardly dragging him aside. Once you're out in the hallway, you clear your throat.

~ "Sorry about them, they're just worried," you'd chuckle, placing a hand on his shoulder to reassure him, your trademark smile on your face. "My sister's been wanting to meet you for a while now. Follow me."

~~ "I'm sure they just wanna know who the guy is that I've been gushing about to them for so long," you'd laugh nervously, gulping right after. "Hey, how about we go meet my sister? She's been asking nonstop about you!"

He'd follow, not really having much of a choice if he wants to stay by your side, and he definitely does not want to be alone right now. When you eventually do find your sister, she looks him up and down, sizing him up. Without addressing him, she asks "That's the one?" with an almost snarky tone.

Johnny, trying his best to win over your family still, steps forward and addresses her, introducing himself to her directly. She looks a little disgusted by this, and doesn't shake his hand.

"How long are you guys gonna be here?" She'd ask, still talking to you.

~ "He's here for the fireworks," you'd grin.

~~ "Sis, please. You're being rude," you'd gently remind, nudging her shoulder.

She replied with an eyeroll, waving her hand. "Whatever."

Once she'd walked away, Johnny looked over at you, a small frown. "Did I do something wrong?" he'd ask, glancing around the backyard full of people. Immediately, you reassured him, letting him know that they were just really not used to visitors, and he didn't want to pry.

You'd ask him if he would prefer to leave early, but he immediately denied. He didn't want to back down, didn't wanna seem weak. He wanted to show your family he wasn't going to be scared off. that he was actually very committed to you.

It was embarrassing for him to admit to himself, but he supposed it was worth it. When the time came for dinner, everyone gathered outside, surrounding a barbeque that cast out an alluring scent of burgers. A little after dinner was served, Johnny asked where the bathroom was, and you gave him directions. You offered to show him, but he said he'd be fine.

Everyone was outside, which meant he wouldn't need to worry about being killed, or interrogated, or yelled at if he left your side. there was no telling what was going to happen.

When he got inside, he had a bit of trouble finding it, and he walked past the kitchen, catching a very... very familiar scent. He sniffed again, following his nose over to a sink, where he found an entire goddamn femur.

Any normal person would have gagged, or maybe just straight up vomited, screamed, something-

but Johnny smirked, and then scoffed. He stood there for a moment before finally turning around and managing to find the bathroom. When he returned to your side, he nudged you, whispering, "You didn't tell me your family was the same."

You'd look at him, giving him an almost blank stare. Your eyes slightly narrowed, your brows a little furrowed, your lips barely parted. "Johnny..?" You'd ask.

"What?"

"We... literally killed someone last Tuesday," you'd remind, your words coming out slowly, trying to spark his memory like you were talking to an amnesiac turtle.

"Well, yeah, but you didn't tell me your family was that way too," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "No wonder they were so hesitant. Do they know?"

"I- I think so. I mean, I didn't explicitly tell them, but I kinda figured they'd assume since we've been together for so long and you're still alive," you mumbled, giving a half-hearted shrug. Locating your dad a few feet away, you dragged Johnny over towards him, poking your father on the arm. "Dad?"

He looked Johnny up and down, and then looked to you. "What is it?"

"You do realize he's like us, right?"

He looked surprised, and you immediately let out a sigh, feeling awful and incredibly awkward. "Man, I figured you'd figured it out. Yeah, he eats people too."

"I thought you were bringing us back dinner," your dad laughed, outstretching a hand and shaking Johnny's again. Johnny let out a tense chuckle, shaking the older man's hand.

"Sorry for the confusion, sir," Johnny spoke, doing his best to hide his southern accent. It wasn't a great attempt, but it was certainly an attempt.

"In that case, welcome to the family, son."

#johnny slaughter #johnny tcm #tcm #tcm game #texas chainsaw massacre #texas chainsaw massacre game #johnny slaughter fluff #johnny slaughter x reader #adapting to johnny slaughter

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theosconfessions · 4 months

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if youd like to read the stephens from the beginning you can over here

if youd like to read the stephens continued you can over here

@ohsosims

jami: im sorry WHAT?

dustin: your dads been having some memory problems over the years..its ..getting worse...he just had another doctors appointment and theyre kind of on the fence about alzheimers or just....

jami: you think its related to what he got from that punk he slept with ?

dustin: no idea but hes had a few appointments since then..he seems optimistic BUT

jami: youre not

dustin: its not that i dont want to be.. its that ive been shown NOT TO BE.feels like itll break my heart less if im expecting it.

jami; well sounds healthy. just like the majority of your relationship with him

dustin: [smirks] which leads me right back around to why i asked you to meet me here

jami: i was wondering but its not like i mind looking at your pretty face

dustin:ive warned you about making those comments

jami: at work.y ou did. we're not at work. im just kidding.jesus. ease up

dustin: maybe this was a bad idea

jami: oh come on,dusty. i was kidding. seriously ..i was just tyring to make you laugh . thought you needed it. i see it backfired.

dustin: a little. i..listen jami..your dads pretty set on him running the strip club still

jami; okay and as he should be? he owns it. and seems to me hes pretty much still together... at least for now

dustin:right but i need to ask you a favour. i need you to help him run it. i dont want him to stop completely but he has way too many things going on and

jami: think it would be good for him to STILL do things as normal,dustin. you baby him that shits going to get worse. whatever it is.

dustin: no i know. i just... help him with it . probably more than he realizes and i cant do it , jami. we still have the bar and the twins are running me into the ground. i need help . a lot of it.

jami: like at home too? because i know chloes 7 but she could always help babysit. she loves those kids.

dustin: yeah taht owuld be..that would be so great. the kids could but they deal with so much just living there. theyre my responsibility so id hate to...

jami:dude ..all you had to do was ask.. yeah ill help dad run the club. yeah ill get chloe to come over after school and give your ass a break. just gotta run it by marlee. which i mean shell do whatever i say

dustin: so fucked up

jami: no i know. nearly cost me my girlfriend . so um.. hey dustin..you know you couldve asked me sooner right? ill do whatever i can for you guys. i dont want you fucking yourself up. i feel like you need to hear this , because maybe you dont hear it so often knowing my dad but i love you and he loves you. you take such good care of him,man. but i got this.

#jami bb #i think dustin needs a break #the stephens continued #dustin stephens #jami kline #ts4 #the sims 4 #the sims #reblog #ts4 gameplay #sims 4 #simblr #ts4 simblr #the sims community

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thesherrinfordfacility · 9 months

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✨ episode 1/2 - running commentary✨

- ok so im slightly disappointed that it's the eps i watched in the screening BUT IM DETERMINED TO LOVE IT ANYWAY SO WE REMAIN OPTIMISTIC AND WE MOVE~~

- angel crowley is so young and innocent my poor boy he's been through so much

- like now im watching it, it feels like putting it in a cinema was a Bad Choice and maybe that's why I didn't like it??? it feels way more authentic and cosy on tv

- im sorry but crowley sounds like such an old man in the park scene, "frozen peas... it's good for them too🙂"

- seriously this is so much more palatable on tv format i can't get over it

- OH MAGGIE I LOVE YOU

- aziraphale god bless ur little cotton socks

- god crowley's legs got me SWEATIN

- ugh crowleys hand in the cafe is so FRUITY

- lmao "purely selfish action" aziraphale is so self aware and I love it

- no im sorry but goob is the fucking star of the show you cannot change my mind but dialogue and delivery wise he is currently CARRYING

- Dartmoor mention had me creasing, that's literally on my doorstep

- aziraphale's bitchy ass face then he sits down in the backroom honestly watered my crops and healed nature

- okay im sorry but the dialogue is still a little off for me I won't lie💀

- beelzebub's accent is just 😘👌 perfect, but equally feel like they'd be perfect in a production of oliver

- god believe me i feel for nina but... I... do not like her, and they are NOT suited for each other at all

- I LEARNT MY PASSION IN THE GOOD OLD FASHIONED SCHOOL OF LOVER BOYS

- that dance is so low effort I'm sorry it should have been the macarena or cha cha slide

- crowley's bow tho is so hot he's so graceful he looks like a swan

- and yeah the refs to the other years that aziraphale did the dance is GIVING ME HEART PALPITATIONS ugh

- he and goob are like cats on a hot tin roof like IMMEDIATE hissing vibes

- lmao ok so that episode does end there then... such a weird ending im sorry but yeah let's fully retract the alternate episode theory (but @prime you need to hire me for s3 just a thought bc 👀)

- anyway ep2 I'm sorry but the angelic herald speech thing is cute and funny but also so cringe hmmm

- gabriel is lord farquaad ugh

- I HAVE TO REMEMBER THIS IS A COMEDY UGH but i miss the slightly serious undertones in s1 sob god I hope they come back later on

- UGH THE TURTLENECK🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

- shax is mommy I don't make the rules

- I noted it in the screening but angel wings for earrings, Maggie????

- nice job on the lie aziraphale well done once again making excellent choices you're so smart and valid (utter moron)

- "SOUNDS A BIT UNLIKELY" LMAO GET FUCKED CROWLEY

- oh goob you really are going through it my bby I love u

- crowley's face after may god forgive you KILLS ME this scene is honestly the stand out one in both ep1 and ep2 if you ask me

- TY TY TY god bless u but you also make me so uncomfortable

- jobs youngest kid truly gives me life

- lmao the fact that aziraphale does actually recognise when crowley tempts him is hilarious tho bc he just conveniently disregards it by the bench scene in s1 hmmm character development or character regression WHO KNOWS

- ok no I'm sorry but the mukbang scene is so unnecessary and uncomfortable

- "whack the kids" honestly the best line of this scene imo, but upon reflection and rewatching it, crowley's demeanour is rather heartbreaking whilst he's reclined getting ratted

- FRANCES FRANCES FRANCES ✨💓

- 'but just to be able to ask the question' UGH CROWLEY STOP

- lmao shoemaking and obstetrics what a combo god bless

- THEY CAN ARRIVE AT ANY SIZE lmao and Michael is too sharp for their own good... but I do hate that gabriel is utterly inept, he came across as cruel and calculating if a little ignorant in s1 but not this comedically stupid

- "yes I bloody am" TY MY LOVE

- Michael sheen and David Tennant deserve nominations for the children swap scene alone, imo the strongest bit of acting in the ep im sorry 'you have my word as an angel' KILL ME

- why is nina obsessed with crowley, like I get it babes but also why

- THEY ARE SO MARRIED MT PARTNER AND I ARGUE OVER THE CAR ALWAYS "our car" LMAO 💀💀💀

- ✨✨✨IT WAS A NICE DAY, ALL THE DAYS HAD BEEN NICE✨✨✨

- ok the rock scene is so much more emotional on tv, so much better

OKAY RIGHT EP3 LETS HAVE ITTTTT

#good omens #good omens season 2 #go2 commentary #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #not a shitpost but its good omens babyyyy #edit: it unnerves me that neil liked this cesspit of inner monologue but similarly the man's a madlad and cannot be contained #go off i guess

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mazzystar24 · 14 days

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i have so many mixed emotions, like i am fucking ECSTATIC over bi buck being canon but at the same time im feeling kinda deflated that they tried to shoehorn bucktommy in

like i genuinely think buck deserves so much better than tommy, and im not saying he needs to end up with eddie next episode, like it needs to be realistic

im just afraid they are going to go “oh buck is with tommy now and we are just gonna solidify eddie as his supportive bestie”

which feels so just wrong to me because of everything that has been built up over the years because this recontextualizes EVERYTHING that buck and eddie have. but im afraid they will just retcon all of that as a way to force bucktommy onto us because it’s easier than making buddie canon

idk this episode simultaneously made me so happy from a representation standpoint but it makes me so upset as someone who has shipped buddie for years because i have so much anxiety that this won’t lead to buddie like people are hoping

(anyway i love oliver stark with my whole heart and i am so happy that buck is finally getting his canon bisexual storyline, im just kinda disappointed that its with tommy of all people)

My personal opinion on it is that they’ve more or less established that the bucktommy thing is a brief little think on bucks journey as a bi man

You are absolutely valid in being happy to get bi buck and a little deflated to get bucktommy those things aren’t mutually exclusive!!

I’m with you there with being a little disheartened that we didn’t get the same impact if they’d had buddie canon without the inbetween man so to speak but I can see why they did it this way

Just like you can be happy to see the buck Tommy kiss and still ship buddie!!! (Which is kinda unrelated but I’ve seen some TAKES and I wholeheartedly disagree with because I’m feeling ALL those at once)

Overall tho I think that I’ve said this before the ep aired and I’m even more assured now that bi buck no matter what form it’s in IS GOOD NEWS for us on the buddie front

Because if they have the willingness to do that and also if they see how well responses are and how good ratings stay from bi buck then buddie is just around the corner and I wholeheartedly believe that

Like it makes no sense to make either buck or Eddie’s queer without setting the path for buddie canon I also said this before but it’s the same as the if one of them were a woman argument like idk if I’m making sense but I’m feeling VERY optimistic from this episode even if it isn’t perfect and we do get more messing around and tiptoeing and confusion🫡

#911 #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fox #evan buck buckley #911 abc #911onfox #buckley diaz family #911 spoilers #asks open #send asks #answered asks #asks

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eunnieboo · 2 years

Text

life update + graphic novel FAQ!

hello! i’ve been hard at work on my book, but i wanted to share one of my favorite panels ♥ and i thought i’d take a moment to answer some asks! hope everyone has been well~

book Q&A:

🌸 chippedmoon asked:

Hi! I just found your Momo and Priscilla art and I’m wondering: where are they from???? I really want to read about or watch them. Thanks!!!

hello!! momo and pg are my original characters! you’ll be able to read about them in my upcoming graphic novel (!!!)

🌸 desmond-the-queer-dragon asked:

Hey! I just saw your artwork and I am absolutely in LOVE!! When is your graphic novel coming out and what will the title be??? IM BEYOND HYPED

🌸 chronodisplaced asked:

Hi! When is your graphic novel out? Is it out yet? I'd love to read it :)

AHH thank you so much!!! it’s going to be called If You’ll Have Me, and it’s currently slated for fall 2023! we originally planned for a spring release but had to push things back because of industry-wide supply chain issues, printing delays, etc... for a more in-depth explanation i found this twitter thread very helpful!

🌸 sleeepyinseattle asked:

Hi! Love Momo and PG. Do you have an estimated release date and/or link to your graphic novel? I'd love to purchase it when it comes out!

thank you so much! i’ll definitely be sharing preorder links when they are available, and the second i can confirm a date, i promise i will not shut up about it! i’m very bad at being active online but i really am excited and anxious to share this little story with the world.

🌸 Anonymous asked:

Hi! I absolutely am in love with your artwork and original characters. I remember reading a while ago that there was production happening to animate them. Is that still happening?

thank you! oh gosh, i think you might be referring to the graphic novel that was announced? other than that, i can only think of this short animation i made of momo for fun. but if there was an official animation happening i would 100% be losing my mind

🌸 Anonymous asked:

You don't know how fast I'm gonna buy your graphic novel THE SECOND it comes out

OMG!! THANK YOU AW... just seeing people excited about it and looking forward to it really brings a tear to my eye. i’ve kept a lot of asks regarding the book announcement (and momo / pg in general!) because they are so sweet and kind... i appreciate all of them so much, thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

misc Q&A

⭐️ Anonymous asked:

Hello! I looked on your socials and didn't see anything, so I was curious if you offer prints/would be interested in starting to do so? That piece that you posted on November 7th made me tear up a little and I would love to add it to my wall of sapphic art.

thank you so much! i actually planned to reopen my shop this summer but had to push it back because i’m so busy. i’m still aiming for the end of this year though! i’ve been in touch with a company that does store management and bulk fulfillment, so i’m optimistic. the last time i had to pack and ship everything from home and oh my god... how do people do this regularly. my deepest apologies to everyone who previously ordered from me because i realized there were so many ways i could’ve done better after the fact. keeps me up at night sometimes lmaO

(this next ask is in reference to my rem / misa fanart and the first time i saw it in my inbox i screamed in delight. just wanted to give everyone the context so we can fully appreciate this)

⭐️ Anonymous asked:

they’re actually t4t goth gfs because i said so

anon how does it feel to have the biggest brain

(end of q&a! you can stop here if you'd like to skip my little diary entry. haha)

general life update

i wanted to make this post three months ago but in a tragic turn of events, the one day i set aside to accomplish some personal tasks made a terrible mess of my plans 😔 the deadline i mentioned back then was for inks, so i’ve since moved on to color! i’ve been working in the morning, then coloring in the evening and through the night. it’s pretty grueling, but i’m trying to be good about stretching and resting because if my body disintegrates i can’t draw more gay shit and what then?

i feel like i’m doing okay, all things considered! i’m just tired mostly. god, i’m so tired...

this book has been my life for all of 2022 which is why i don’t have much else to talk about 😂 i have a big deadline coming up so i’m really hustling right now. i actually have to deal with packing and moving as soon as i’m done, so i’m not sure when i’ll pop up again! maybe late september, maybe october... we’ll have to see!

thank you everyone for your endless patience ❤️

#if you'll have me #anon #replies #chippedmoon #desmond-the-queer-dragon #chronodisplaced #sleeepyinseattle #iyhm

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viktormaru · 4 months

Text

Some new years rambling

I dont want to get too personal bcs this is the internet but still I want to get something out... for me at least! For posteriority, since I dont really keep journals or anything like that

But anyone who wants to read me ramble is welcome to read this as well, and well... happy new year you guys!

Its been a very long year for me personaly

I made a lot of big changes in my life: Took a big step by moving on my own for the first time, became almost completely independent financially, started my transition, saw my first concert, worked on keeping friendships even at a distance, grew close to someone i care a lot about... it has not been easy at all, hell its been a roller coaster of emotions and problems and I havent really solved them all and Im still struggling with a lot... but... im taking steps towards having a better life... or a REAL life, something I want to live or that I can be content with. its... well, its a big deal!

I remember when I was 18 and the year was turning, i was tipsy and alone at my mother's house hiding from the noise of fireworks and sobbing my eyes out because i thought i hit my deadline to "Fixing" myself and I didnt manage to do it but also didnt have the courage to end things. I felt pretty fucking lost back then, I thought life would always be this... this sludge of nothingness, and I felt a lot of guilt abt it too

But now here I am, struggling but making an effort, and aiming for something more despite how far behind I feel I am. I feel optimistic, hell, I feel like happiness is achievable. Its both scary and a huge relief.

IDK... I guess I'll keep doing my best, and I'll try to be kinder to myself regarding my flaws and my mistakes. I'll forgive myself more, and because of it I'll push myself more as well to be better, to do better, and aim for something good for me.

here's a few concrete wishes I have for my next year!!!

Get a driver's liscence: Now that my legal name is changed and my face is changing as well... doing anything regarding legal documents isnt as scary

Manage to work out for a year: hormones are giving me more confidence to look at myself. And now is the perfect time to try building muscle mass! Oh and be healthy i guess LOL

Figure out a better cleaning routine: My poor house has suffered so much under my carelessness and stress... im so sorry...

Get a bycicle: much needed means of transport in my city to be more independent

Work harder on portfolio and job seeking: again the legal documents thing made it very scary for me to do this... im a bit more confident now

Adopt a pet: this one will happen if I feel ive become responsible enough both with chores and money

thats all

Again, happy new year to anyone reading this, and for me... well... you know what you gotta do

#WEIRDLY PERSONAL.... but alright #im feeling odd anyway #not a bad odd just odd

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