#oh no im literally seeing this at midnight on tuesday

[guccifrog]

Okay girly I got an update from Tuesday FaceTime with curls and a Wednesday update 🤗

On Tuesday , I was soooo bored and nobody was playing with me on Roblox so I complained abt it to curls so then he said he can play with me and how he was bored as well. Then we decided to play horror games and so we tried playing “midnight cleaners” that failed bc his character was half way in the floor 😭

Then we changed it to “midnight market place” and I DIED bc the stupid monster was freakin racist 😒😒 ANYWAYS then the kid says let’s play this game I really like so we play AND WHEN I TELL YOU MY BODY LEFT MY SOUL WHEN I GOT JUMPED SCARED!!!!

like it was not FUNNY AT ALL!

AND BOY WAS LAUGHING HIS ASS OF???

Anyways I died twice so we changed it to murder mystery and I win ONE TIME LIKEEEE LETS GOOO

And at a certain times I would hear him have yawn attacks so I was like

“You can sleep if you want”

And he literally said.

“Nah I’m here to play with you”

LIKEEEEEEEEEEEEE

He dm me and showed me a game he wanted to play with me then I said alr bet but in daylight

And then he went off and said how he thinks it would be better in night and shit

But I’m dense ass decided to say I was gonna play with a friend later that day when he wanted to play and bro said

“Oh okay”

LIKE I FELT SO BAD AND BRO WAS ASKING ABT IT TOO

AND GENUINELY INTRIGUED AND I FELT BAD!!

But then the girl ditched me 😒

So I told him I can play but then he joked abt playing with some1 else and I responded with a “👍”

Bc like cool! Totally not hurt at all 😃

And then he said “I’m kidding I have no one else to play with”

And so I called him like ten minutes after then he said he wasn’t home so I said to call me once he’s home and so he did but i didn’t have my AirPods on me

So I was getting them but I took to long so it went through and so I called him back like literally two seconds and the first thing he said was

“Wow how dare you not answer my call!”

Then I said

“Bro I literally called you right after not even a minute after! Also I had to get my AirPods”

Then he said

“Well you could’ve still answered and said hold on I need to put on my AirPods”

Then we scroll on Roblox and we play hello kitty obbey and APPARENTLY HE LOVES HELLO KITTY?????????

ALSO HOMEBOY HAD HIS CAMERA ON LIKEEEEEEEE I WAS TWEAKING!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways then I told him to get pink bunny ear pjs from the game since he won it 😒😒 (I’m just bitter since I was ass)

Then he gets it and boy ate with the fit right!!

And so we play this cart game where you pull someone in a cart to win the little obstacle

And bro WE ATE THAT SHIT UP!!!!!

And as a joke I was like “guys I’m so relaxed being all cutesy passenger princess vibes.”

AND BRO WENT ALONG WITH IT AND WHEN I WAS THIS SHIT WAS EASY HE WOULD SAY

“Yea maybe FOR YOU AS A PASSENGER PRINCESS”

LIKEEEEEEE

okay then also bunny (code name) wanted for all four of our friend group to play Roblox but then he said he was already playing with me and how he’s having fun.

Like literally just say your obsessed 🤷‍♀️

Alr now moving on when we won the game we were literally hyping ourselves up saying we were literally the best team and I sent him a TikTok that was like two raccoons and the third picture was them on a lego car and I said

“Literally us wining that game!”

Then this was our text convo:

Him: literally

Him: bro we ate

Him: all bc of the pjs

Me: ALL BC OF THE PJS!! 💯

Him: YUP

him: THE PINK AND BATMAN ONES

me: I KNEW I RIGHT CHOOSING THOSE

him THE FIRST TIME I LISTEN TO YOU

me: YEA

him: WORTH IT

Me: IM JUST LIKE THAT!!

him: YEAH YOU ARE

him: we are just like that.

LIKEEE BRO ERM!!!??????

SO THEN I WAS LIKE OKAYYYYY SO THEN IM SCROLLING ON TIKTOK AND SEE ONE WHERE IT WAS LIKE TAG SOMEONE UOU WANT TO PLAY LEGOS WITH AND I SENT IT TO HIM SAYING TRUST I WONT RAGE QUIT AND HE SAID HE FEELS LIKE I WOULD THEN I SAY TRUST I WONT THEN HE SAID IDK ABT THAT BUT THEN

MY SMART BRAIN SAID

“BC WE WOULD BE WEARING THE PJS SO WE COULD GET THAT SHIT DONE ‼️💯”

THEN HE SAID

“YO”

“LOWKEY”

“YOUR SMART ASF”

like guys 😏

I’m just like that 🤷‍♀️

he literally wants u so bad get married already 🙈🙈🙈

[oooortcloud]

i’m sure you did!! that’s great im glad you feel good about them : )

lol love that you know the lore, it definitely has a lot of interesting (derogatory) plot lines 🥴 oh yes i have!! have not seen that but one of my friends also loves that show : )

oh that’s so exciting you have break soon :)) i worked in a school last year as a lunch lady and i definitely miss getting a holiday break one of my fav things abt being in school (that and summer break too!!) do you and your friends have any fun plans for the break? : ) also ik it’s so early it’s annoying 🥴 i remember a few years ago in uni i would have a class at like 3 something and come back out and have to walk home when it was pitch black outside lol

oh nooo!! wjdjd im glad she got out though!! haha

happy monday (probably tuesday when u read this though) I hope you’re week has been good!!

-k ✨

hello!!!! thanks:)) the grading is relative so i might actually pull through. oh my god i need to meet htis friend sjkdmd

no plans really!!! im just so excited to see them after two months :)) might propose to do a secret santa though hmm.... do you do those?? noooo lol that's surreal honestly, then theres also the opposite where the sun is still up at 10pm isnt it ?

my friends and i snuck into the clock tower the other day at midnight!!!! it was sooo crazy, the first rule ive broken here. like we literally went past 2-3 guards, they probably thought we went to the library lol. and the view !!! even bearing the cold was worth it for that

also!! what did your spotify wrapped look like??? im curious:)

happy wednesday skdnekf hope youve had a nice day :))

#k✨ #asks

[fckwritersblock]

Act 1: While We’re Young

Chapter 5

Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens x Black OC

(Unedited.)

Tuesday

January 10th 2005

Last night was the only night I'm allowing myself to cry over him and his 'return'. What good would it do me? No, I was gonna take Erik and whatever he had to throw at me by storm.

Waking up the next day, I feel refreshed. Like a brand new person with a more positive mindset. Today I had 3 classes and I'm determined to have a good Erik free day.

That whole Erik free thing went out the window as soon as I got to my first class.

Double O Computer Programming 1 was a junior class, however I'd taken it during the summer during my first year at UC Berkeley. DOCP 2 wouldn't be available until next semester but I needed to have a class since this was my first year on the actual campus. Thankfully Miss Hill really needed a T.A and the fact that I could help with an algorithm that tied into thermal nuclear astrophysics had her sold.

Right after I finished taking attendance, she barely got a word out before the door swung open revealing Erik as our late comer. I quickly glanced at the sheet in front of me, scanning for his name. I was so use to calling him N’dajaka when we were kids, I completely skipped over ‘Erik Stevens’. I huffed rolling my eyes, arms crossed over my chest. His timbs were the only thing heard shuffling across the room making hid way toward the front of the class. Wordlessly he handed Miss Hill before his eyes were on me. They scanned me from top to bottom, before locking with me a smug grin on his lips.

"Hey Lona," my jaw dropped.

Before I could get out a word, Miss Hill opened her mouth, looking up from the paper he handed her.

"Welcome Erik, sorry for the confusion."

"It's all good," he shrugged.

"Im Miss Hill, and I see you already know my aid. As I explained to the class prior to taking attendance, If I'm unavailable feel free to email or call her during the hours listed on the sheet." She is then took a sheet from me and handed him to me. "Other than that, find a seat."

He nodded pretending look over the sheet before averting his gaze back on me.

"I'm definitely gon do that."

Fuck my life right?

Well, Erik just so happened to be in the Calculus class I skipped two days ago. I thank God my record was squeaky clean and Mr. Kennedy accepted my poor excuse before I was quickly reminded the man upstairs has a sense of humor as the only available seat was next to Erik.

"The person next to you will be your partner for the remainder of the semester so let's take the next 15 minutes getting know one another hmm?." Mr. Kennedy instructed.

I couldn't suppress the groan that slipped as Erik casually leaned back in his chair, examining me.

"You heard the man, get to know me."

"I know all I need this know about you Erik."

"Oh so I'm Erik now? Like that?" He spoke cool, calm, and collected like our exchanged was normal.

I gripped my pencils tight, my knee bouncing up and down my body tense.

"Let me set things straight now. We don't need to talk to one another. If it doesn't have anything to do with any of the classes we take together, don't want to hear it. When you see me act like you don't know me. We clear?"

The expression on his face was unreadable before his lip twitched slight him responding.

"Crystal."

Wednesday

January 24th, 2005

It had been two weeks since Erik showed up here.

Ok that's a lie.

Apparently this man has been here. And to top it off, this mans name was in every bitch mouth like the second coming of Jesus Christ. From what I've observed though, he doesn't say much, or gives any of these broads much attention. He don't say much in general actually, he's really good at blending in. He got that laid back, mysterious, bad boy vibe going for him and these females out here hella into that.

But when he opens his mouth, that cocky bastard sure knows how to disrupt my entire soul at least while we're in class.

Outside of class though, he acts like I'm invisible.

It was like he never knew me. And honestly, I don't know how to feel about it. I know that's what I said I wanted but it bothers me just the same.

Today in particular though, he argued me down during our Calculus class. We had one problem to figure out before we could leave class today. You and your partner were supposed agree on the answer, and heaven forbid he just agree with me so we can get out of here. Math was always my subject when we were kids, nothing has changed. I was damn near about to say fuck it when he started laughing.

What in the entire fuck it so funny?" I was fuming.

"You," he shook his head. "You really hella mad."

"Um, YES!" I damn near shouted fed up. "You literally been tryna convince me it's 5 when it's-"

"Chill. I know the answer is 3 girl. C'mon, let's go." So smoothly he closed the book, grabbed his bag and headed to the front.

I was so upset, I had to let him do all the talking when it came to explain to the teacher I'll answer and how we got there. I know I open my mouth I wasn't going to say anything nice.

"Girl what crawled up your ass and died?" Donise questioned with a stank look as we sat at one of the benches outside of the library.

"Yeah What did Erik do now," I could hear teasing in Tatiana's tone so I flipped her off.

Only giving a brief explanation, I went on a mini rant about what happened in class 20 minutes ago. Donise's thought it was funny, while Tati just shook her head.

"I still can't believe it him," Tatianna glanced as a group of guys from across the quad headed our way, Erik included.

"Yes, and I wish it wasn't."

Tatianna was the first real friend I made in a while. I was actually tutoring her online for a while before she found out I was 4 years younger than her. Our friendship started off as a trade. I was her tutor and she both convinced and enrolled in a mentor program to help me with my social skills. I didn't speak to anyone much when Erik left, but I got into a lot of fights. According to the school counselor I was taking out my anger and abandonment issues on.I have meds to tame the anger, and while I haven't had to take them in a while Eric definitely bring that anger out of me.

"Girl that's just sexual tension. You got to fuck all that out." Ashley put in her unwanted two cents.

"Trust me when I tell you on God it isn't."

"Well if you out to holla, then trust and believe I will." She tossed her hair over her shoulder

I didn't really mess with Ashley like that, but she was Tati's frat sister which made them 'friends'. That little thot pocket will screw anything with legs, D, and a pulse and I'm not bout that life. Plus she messy as fuck and I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.

"I don't doubt it," I smirked as Donise said exactly what I was thinking.

Donise was coo' though, I meet her when I first got here 2 months ago. Believe It or not she was apart of the welcome comity for MIT and turned out her and Tatiana were already friends. Once she figured out  who I was, I was shot to the front line during registration and everything.

"Anyways, y'all going Ant and them party tomorrow?" Ashley questioned probably tryna bum a ride.

"What party?"

"The Que's," Donise answered. "The dudes with Erik are frat."

Now this was news to me. I met most of them before but I had no idea there were in a sorority. Examining them, I guess it all made sense. Most in the clique sported some sort of purple and yellow lanyard either around their neck or on their keychain that hung from their jean pocket as if  they wanted everybody to know who they were. Which I wouldn't doubt.

"Ladies! What we chattin about?" Moses questions every bit of his thick English accent tapering off every word.

"Our plans for mañana," Tati answered l

"Word. Y'all coming to the party tomorrow?" Jay spoke playing with a few strands of Donise's curls.

"Tomorrow? It's Thursday." I said confused. "Ain't there class the next day?"

"What's the matter, you can't hang?" I glared at Jay, knowing he was only chastising me because him and Erik were close, according to Tati.

I swear to God men gossip more than women do. Rolling my eyes I spared Erik a glance and he looked like he was waiting on me to respond.

"Oh, I can definitely hang."

I couldn't hang.

Around midnight I was  in the bathroom throwing up everything, damn near hug in the toilet as my surrounding looks so blurry and I can barely function. Im not sure when I'd finally finished, but I could feel someone picks me up and out the bathroom and soon everything goes blurry and then black.

Tag list: @kitesatforestp @xsweetdellzx @justgetitoverwith0 @letsshamelessqueen-m @cmkcolove @readingaddict1290

#black!reader #black panther killmonger #erik killmonger series #erik stevens x reader #erik stevens #killmonger x black!reader #black writer #killmomger x oc #killmonger imagine #marvel imagine #marvel #black panther imagine #black panther #wakanda forever #tchalla

[arsonist-chicken]

Lockdown Tag game; I got tagged by @we-are-not-amoosed thank you! I keep forgetting you know I exist, also I hope you had fun being drunk at midnight on a Tuesday hjhjhj.

First of all, a big FUCK YOU to tumblr, because I was at the LAST QUESTION and opened ONE NEW TAB to look up the word windmill, and when I went back to tumblr, my post was GONE, so here we go again. If an answer seems short of half-answered, it’s because I didn’t feel like typing everything again.

Are you staying home from work or school?

HA. Yes. Love that for me. Not at all. My university opened for 1 1/2 weeks in March 2020, then for another 4 weeks in November, and it has been closed ever since. I’m in my dormitory in the town I study in, not home home at my parents’ place though, because that would Not end well. The internet connection sucks though, that’s really annoying with distance learning. When I go into The City for A Thing, I usually cycle past my department and it makes we Yearn to go back in there, which is a thing I didn’t think would ever happen, but one pandemic later and suddenly everyone would kill for the change to go back to work/school in person, wouldn’t we?

If you’re staying home who is there with you?

I live in a dormitory, so technically, there’s a lot of other people there, but I don’t really talk to any of them except for when we meet in the hallways or the kitchen or wherever, so really it’s just me, the stuffed animal my friend got me last year because I kept whining that I didn’t have a cat like her at her boyfriend’s place where she basically lives now, and the birds who come to eat from the bird house I put on my balcony.

If it makes you feel any better @we-are-not-amoosed, not that I think it will but hey, who knows, my twin sister is moving out in December, so I will be the only child at home with my parents during summer/Christmas/Easter break, which will be Not Fun. I’ll take another 1 ½ years for my degree, and another 2 if I do a master’s, so that’s about... 1-3/4 years I’ll be alone with my parents while my perfect sister gets to move out and move on and live Adult Life fully respected as an Adult working with renewable energy, as opposed to the Disappointment who takes 5 years for a 3 year degree in a field that’s hard to find employment in and never Does Stuff like my mother wants me to Do Stuff.

Are you a homebody?

I’m with @we-are-not-amoosed there, I didn’t know what that meant, but Pons says “Stubenhocker”. A bit I guess? I’m definitely fine being home by myself if I’m unbothered there (read: not at my parents’ when they are home) and I do need time by myself to recharge. But probably like everyone else, I crave and enjoy social contact a ton more than Before. I meet a friend fairly often (aka the only friend still here instead of home for distance learning), and today we worked together (handing out flyers which idk why the company pays us to hand them out, like 95% of them get thrown away immediately, but hey, we’re getting paid 🤷) and then went to sit by the river, and there were SO MANY people there, it was not *entirely* corona-compliant (but outside with town-typical wind, so it’s fine I think, with my non-existent knowledge about spreading of viruses and such), but honestly? I just couldn’t be bothered to care in that moment: it was warm and sunny, I was there with a very close friend, people were laughing and dancing to good music, it was just so GOOD to be there, almost as if Corona didn’t exist. The police even drove by like they always do to check for people smoking weed and didn’t say anything like usual, so hey. It was just so good, okay? So, homebody? Within reason, I guess, but less than Before, probably.

An event you were looking forward to that eventually got cancelled?

Oh boy, SO MANY. The one I’m most bitter about was a very prestigious international interpreting event, that would have involved me interpreting in the actual European Parliament building in Strasbourg. But there was also a festival week with my best friend I was looking forward to, maybe even a second festival with another friend, my company’s ten year anniversary party, etc. And Prides! I came out to my family in 2019, and was like “Yay, I can finally go to Prides now!” but well 🤷

DUDE SO MANY ARE YOU KIDDING ME

CONCERTS: 5SOS (I SHOULD HAVE heard “Old Me” in a crowd full of other people getting nostalgic for their past selves, but NO), Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Rock im Park aka GREEN DAY AND RISE AGAINST (I have been trying to see Rise Against for YEARS and ALWAYS something gets in the way!), one or two small local artists.

ERASMUS: I should have gone to Russia for a semester to improve my not-too-great speaking skills but Corona said FUCK YOU you will study ALONE and LONELY in your ROOM like a child on TIMEOUT

PRIDE: none in particular, just generally it would have been nice to go, maybe even with a friend to the one in Vienna

Also just general stuff like birthdays and get-togethers with friends, and my club’s annual get-together was cancelled too, and it would have been my friend, sister and my’s 10-year-anniversary, so that sucked to get cancelled.

What movies have you watched recently?

Movies? Pfuh, I don’t know, I’m not really into movies anymore, tbh. TV-series and games are more my jam.

Descendants 1 +2, I finally watched those after I read so much fanfiction that I knew the plot without having watched a single scene that isn’t a music video that youtube kept showing me. They’re nice enough, if you overlook the fact that they make a 16-year-old king while there’s still perfectly capable adults but whatever, there’s a lot of cute moments (Carlos and Jane omg) and a lot of funny ones (UMA. Is HILARIOUS), the music kind of slaps ngl, and arguably Mal + Evie are queer and in love. I still want to watch the third soon, and rewatch The Hunger Games since it showed up on my dash recently.

What shows are you watching?

Rewatching Julie and the Phantoms forever until the end of time (or until season 2 comes out @netflix, and I started Brooklyn 99 again for background noise/low-energy background watching. A friend recommended Ginny & Georgia and it’s okay enough, but it’s written in a way that makes you want to keep watching because there’s just such whack stuff happening that you want it explained; it’s 1h episodes though, that’s a bit hard on my attention span. I want to rewatch FMA:B some time, too.

What are you reading?

@we-are-not-amoosed said “tumblr posts and the texts I translate at work” and if that isn’t a Mood. I’d love to read more, but my attention span is shit and my reading comprehension even worse. I *am* reading “Explain to me like I’m 5” atm which explains stuff easily, like, well, you’re 5 years old, so you’d think a 23-year-old could understand, no? No. I read it, I vaguely understand some stuff, I close the book, and it’s G-O-N-E, not a single thing left. Literally the only thing I remember – and this is why I had to re-write ^^^all that because I needed to look up the English word for Windräder, if that’s even what they’re called in German but whatever I’m tired – is that insects and birds die a LOT in windmills when they get too close and get sucked in and can’t escape anymore, which is one of the reasons windmills aren’t as environmentally friendly as we thought when we built them. Anyhow, I’d love to read more, but idk, there are a lot of posts on here, some I’ve reblogged, that are like.. something something reading fanfiction is easier because you already know the characters and universe something something less mental energy something something idk. Yeah I mostly read fanfiction these days. I hope I’ll get back to reading books sometime soon-ish, I have a long list.

What are you doing for self-care?

Hm. I meet my friend I mentioned above pretty regularly, and I have a notebook that I write stuff in that was nice or made me happy when that happened (like today: working with my friend and then sitting among people by the river in the sun with said friend). I’m getting a tattoo next week (3 cat paws + 1 dog paw = technically my two cats and my late cat and dog, but well, two of them are dead, so I asked two friends for a paw print of their cat and dog, so I’ll always have those two with me, too). I try to make a to-do-list each day, but I rarely stick to it. I apply eyeshadow and body glitter if I want to, I dye my hair bright colors (think pink, purple, blue, red, maybe orange next). I always have chocolate in my room meaning I stopped depriving myself of food I like/food in general because it’s “healthier”/”I need to lose weight” etc. all that you know all those great reasons. I went to a doctor about my knee and it ended up being useless but I went, so.

I also went to see a therapist but she is very useless, like “ended our first session telling me well she doesn’t know how to help me/if she can help me at all/if therapy would even help me” kind of useless; I’ll go again next week and see if that changes or if next week will be the last week and I’ll go back to Dealing Like Before, which is not great but whatever. I’ve lived until 23 without therapy, surely I can keep doing it. Therapy’s expensive if it’s not covered (which this doctor IS which is why I went to her but it’s still a waste of time) and if it’s not gonna work/not gonna help me apparently or if there’s nothing actually wrong OR that therapist is just like, bad at her job, what’s the point of going yk?

Uggggh, I hope the swimming pools and Zumba class will be open again soon, Zumba (also with said friend) is AMAZING, easy fun exercise you don’t need any knowledge or skill for and you can hang out with your friend by the street after for an hour and say goodbye five times and then remember one more thing you wanted to actually still mention and stand there for another 20 minutes hjhjhj. Best times, truly.

Idk this is probably not self-care but I got a small job working with Austrian German and it gnetflix the chance to save up a bit and add it to my resume and also hopefully get my mother to shut up about my non-existent job prospects for a bit, so that’s kind of helping in making me feel a bit more like I’m Being An Adult (also because it means I have to learn how to change my insurance and finance department stuff now, yey).

Tagging: @languages-and-else @psychicbouquetblaze-stuff @the-real-daddy-van-der-bellen @sunsetcurveofficial if you feel like doing it, also sorry @we-are-not-amoosed it became such a rambled long answe on almost everything hjhjhj

#tag games #me talks #covid-19 #swearing #It’s a post about corona there Must be swearing

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Ms Chen would be pleased

She said "the most peaceful way to demonstrate and protest and have your angriest voice heard is to vote and we are lucky in this country Because we are allowed to vote. Women and Blacks worked hard for the future of them -- you -- and i dont mean biologically i mean their heart and spirit and knowing well the people in front of them when they see the future must learn and learn well in order to protect the world. Because you see this country is very powerful as is China. While China is bigger, the United States has more power and I'm sorry to tell you that all the power in the world, relies on you to use your angry voice in that polling booth. My parents still in China can not vote. They are not allowed. (No matter how many times she said this speech some one always gasped. And it -- her words caused my heart to stop in fear for her family and China and it did for many kids. They became terrified for the citizens of China) Because there is No voting. None. Not allowed. It is not too far. It is not too boring. It just does not exist. So it is you to protect the people of China. Tawain. NE Asia. You the voters of the most powerful of nations -- the USA"

And some of us. When she said to protect China. We promised with our whole hearts and souls we would. There is now voting in China

It was not until 1988 that a Village Chief in a town in China could be voted for. And in 1989 it still hadn't occurred in hers.

She never lived to the day it would be before she was murdered by the Chinese Embassy in NYC that she was trying to work with to help China and it's citizens.

She was murdered on April 17, 1990. We were notified on 4-20-90 its never been a joyous holiday for me. I try to avoid the date. Sleeping through it usually.

So two days ago was her 29th anniversary of her death. And she will be dead 30 years.

Two days ago a castle was bought for me. Two days ago i helped solve 88 murders and 43 people were arrested.

Two days ago i cried a lot and it was a very difficult day for me. And I didn't know it was the 29th anniversary of her death 30 years ago

I think i did her wonderfully proud.

She was abducted on her way to work on a Tuesday morning. Friday morning we were told of the news.

We were worried. I told the office... They had been in tears for two days in a row i said "you better tell me what's going on because i know something is. I been down here every day this week to find out about Ms Chen. Y'all attitude aint right. So us kids have assembled a search party for right after school if er can't find her on this island by midnight tonight we will go home to sleep for at least 3 hours as Me Chen would say we need to rest, she is not that important. Then we will go to Brooklyn to search. So you as an adult better tell me. And then tell them what the fuck is going on with you emotionally. Other wise put a post it in each teacher box so have an adult to go with us. 5 am for the city ferry then on to Brooklyn."

Half the office was literally i mean honestly throwing up in trash cans.

Ms Pallen the principal came in with a small jewelry like box. And what was inside was mostly covered by a tissue. "Sabrina is -- this ring -- does this belong to Ms Chen, finger and all?"

"Well it looks like her rin--" i lifted the small tissue covering her finger "a finger! Where's the rest of her?! Did you get the hand?! What about an arm?! Where is her body?!"

I wanted to know more. The more missing body parts the less chance we had to save her. I knew -- she told us. So a finger? Just a finger?! We were looking good!! Of all her stories. She of all people was tough enough to lose a finger and keep on talking.

"Do i have permission to leave the building for one quick look just around? I'll be back swiftly i promise"

Our principal softly stroked our friends finger and nodded gently and sadly as tears dropped down ... If tears and throw up could bring her back we were doing well in this office.

"As bad as it pains you look in the worst place first. Here i would think it would be water. I can't swim. Well barely. But not too good for New York City's oceans" she had said. She said it was the worst to know we would think but in reality it was worst to question and hope when there was none.

So i took off to the seawall and ran up and down looking but i didn't see her... I didn't want to. So I ran all the way around the tiny military island. Then back. Then i rode the public transit bus looking far off in the middle not the edge then the outer edge at Brooklyn. I got off at the school. I walked directly to the sea wall and looked down.

There she was floating face down. Her skirt covering as much of her legs as possible. Her beautiful black hair covering much of the rest. She had on one heel, a white shirt and black skirts. One of her favorite outfits she said. Because she said it made her feel most business.

I walked slow back to the school.

Ms Pallen smiled "i knew you were onto something, did you find it?"

My eyes got huge because i had and i had been believed in and i looked up at her in her heels "i do. I need the police"

She was smiling all kinds calling it in. "She found a clue. No shes mute. You know how she gets. No not really happy. Oh she's thinking and her mouth is dropped. Not good? Oh it's a clue! Just hurry"

Ms Pallen kneeled down next to me I really worked st hiding what i saw. What i had did.

"So what is happening. What clue can you tell me?"

I looked down, with dead eyes. Glassy purposeful eyes and a stroked her head, starting at the tip top and down to her chin "I'm sorry"

"No" she started to angry scowl and cry at the same time.

I nodded "yep"

"No" she started crying again her face contorting different

"Shh it will be all okay. Come sit" i patted the seat next to me

"What's wrong with her eyes? She looks dead -- no im not going to throw up. I think"

"A clue" I held Ms Pallen's hand. I was the kid. But no one was gonna be okay.

"If she's dead im gonna get a new job. Remember i told you that. Her, too!"

"Then you better start" i hung my head. No Don't look down Ms Chen would say. Be strong for you and your friends "looking" i looked up cheerfully as if it were just a bright new day.

"Haha very funny kid"

I just smiled. -- show me you're happy. Show the world you can be And be free. She would say. I found her. The world could rest. Stop puking. Stop being afraid. Ms Chen would like me for that.

"Why so happy kid?"

"Cause... Life... It never ceases to exist. Its always inside me"

"Bright sunshiney day"

"Looks gloom and dreary if you ask me"

"Maybe that's why i didn't see her at first."

"Sabrina you have something for me? Did you see thr finger? They only had it since yesterday" i heard behind me, a male voice, "good mornin girls. Sabrina do you hear me?"

"She went mute again but shr was just talking. Let me get my coat"

"Sabrina do you need her?"

I nodded

"Don't nod. Speak. What do you need? You know you can tell me?"

"Every one clocked in in the office and at two chair or an ambulance. People will need to sit"

"Well uh how come?"

"Death"

"Well, come on it's just a finger."

"Chair. Ambu bed"

"So she's alive?"

"Morg--- just come on"

Halfway there he dropped the chairs. Just dumped them. The girls left a string of clues behind. Shoes. Coats. Jackets. They all knew. They all knew as soon as they saw my direct path was to the fence seperating the land from the water.

And they ran. Throwing all their unnecessary items behind. So they could get in the water. All three of them. 2 secretaries and a principal.

And the body of the world's greatest teachers floating stiff and face down, dead.

"Yeah it's her alright. But she's missing two fingers i guess her parents got the other one. Her two families most important things. Both index fingers or her pointer. Sabrina what's that mean? Im gonna sit in the water with her until the coroner gets here. I don't want her to be alone" said what had appeared to be the weakest Secretary but most determined

"I don't know if she's more beautiful dead or alive. Shes like a mermaid. And so pretty."

"Sabrina what's It mean? The one index?" Asked our police

"You're number one. Wait right here. One minute and I'll be back"

"She had them cut it off? I bet she did. She's a tough woman like that" she sat on a dry area next to our friend.

"Idk how much you know about biology. But that finger had no blood. Shes been dead at least since yesterday" Ms Pallen out of the water in a wool green plaid frock dress, her fur coat in the street at the stop sign.

"The moment they picked her up. She was never going to live past that" i sighed

"But sabrina why would she want them to cut it off?" She asked looking towards the school

"Reincarnation. She means it. She will be back. Or She will never leave at all"

"Sabrina she's not supposed to talk about religion with you. Seperation of church and state" she said looking out over the water send down.

"Chinese culture is not a religion to some people. Neither is American religion not a culture"

"Oh she loopholed. That is sweet. Now we know. Oh my dear sweet friend, here is your ride coming up" said Ms Pallen the principal.

"the most peaceful way to demonstrate and protest and have your angriest voice heard is to vote and we are lucky in this country Because we are allowed to vote. Women and Blacks worked hard for the future of them -- you -- and i dont mean biologically i mean their heart and spirit and knowing well the people in front of them when they see the future must learn and learn well in order to protect the world. Because you see this country is very powerful..."

And you are a part of that power.

So register to vote then vote in the November 2020 election.

Raise your kids right. Not only are they our future. They will take over the world.

I did.

#Youtube

[dylovvrs]

alright, after a few days of being upset, here’s basically everything!

so this guy texts me and we just casually talk. meaning we both just respond to each other after like about every eight hours. it wasn’t anything

then randomly, after i was thinking about just leaving him on delivered, i decided not to and texted him again (just thinking we’d continue to have those boring respond-after-eight-hours convos again). but after that day, we started like actively talking back and forth. we got so immersed into talking that we already started insulting each other like hardcore and i even curated a nickname for him.

this was literally all in one day which is weird to me. that night, we had a literal hard time saying goodnight when i told him about my phone limit. things got so weird that night, too, like we started talking like normal civilized humans where i actually learned some things about him, and he about me (we didn’t just insult each other). he even said something about this, something like “you were just insulting me about two minutes ago”

i asked him IF he wanted me to keep insulting him? bc he really made it sound like so, and even replied with “well i’m not going to say no”

then, we started insulting each other again and i basically ended the conversation by joking around, saying “lets not talk tomorrow” “have a bad night” (basically the opposite of what someone would usually say before going to bed) and before actually sleeping, i logged onto insta for a minute with the “one minute” feature my limit provides, and saw he replied with saying goodnight to me and, exactly quoted, “IM SORRY (my name) I WANT TO TALK TOMORROW”

things legit felt so cool? like it felt like something was blooming there. idk. i got really happy, hence my posts from around this time, and i truly felt something. like my heart was beating and i was smiling that whole night. i couldn’t even sleep that night. i kept waking up every 15 minutes, and couldn’t wait until my limit was up at 6 am because i honestly so badly wanted to go back and text him.

i ended up waking up at 5:30 am that morning, and you guessed! at 6, i texted him

that morning also felt weird. like it felt like something weird from the night before was being brought into the next day. this was also the day we came back from break. idk. i literally dont even know how to explain what i was feeling, i just knew i definitely started to like him

that day was cool, we basically talked all day.

but what started being weird was a couple of days later. the next day, which would be wednesday, things were fine but we didn’t talk as much in school as we did on the previous tuesday. i didn’t think much of it because literally that wednesday night, we talked after school.

after school he had a club meeting and when he came home from it, he texted me right away saying “i just got home from so and so” and i was like oh wow he let me know for some reason (i wasn’t like upset he wasn’t answering i was just surprised he clarified). we talked like normal for that evening

then things got weird again that night. he actually was talking about his homework and missing work the most that night and i told him id help him with some if it, so i gave him ideas for his design work since i like graphic design and things felt so domestic like i was seeing a side of him i didn’t know. he whined about school to me, then begged me to take a break from homework. and when i got home, he told me he’d wait for me to get done eating in order to start his assignments again.

then that same night, right before my midnight limit, i asked him what makes him happy (bc he like mockingly asked me why smth made me happy— it was like me being happy i made him laugh i think) and he said making others smile and laugh. i replied with cute, bc i did think it was cool and cute. then then oml he replied with (LITERALLY SAID THIS WORD FROM WORD):

what

you?

ik

I JUST— OML

(also i just realized i got my days mixed up and he said this on tuesday)

i definitely freaked out

then we said goodbye and stuff but after that night, i noticed he would be active on insta that next day (actually wednesday) but take a little longer to reply to me than the last couple days. i only thought it was weird a little but didnt let it really bother me

but then after that, he stopped replying really fast to me and his responses were really short and dry. it confused me so much bc i literally had no clue what had happened

on wednesday night, i left him on seen bc he seemed so bored and uninterested in what i was saying so i said screw it and left him on seen. it felt like he didnt want to talk to me anymore, so i respected that

then, i went through pretty much the whole day thursday without a text from him. that’s when i kind of made those other posts about me being upset.

THEN he fucking texts me out of no where thursday afternoon during my biology class, and i wanted to punch him so bad. i felt so confused

i replied after maybe thirty minutes then he started texting me normally for about an hour, then went back to normal and started replying dryly again. i left him on open again, and have no received a text from him since

this really bothered me :( like remember my story of not being able to sleep bc of him? well that happened again wednesday night, except i couldnt sleep bc i couldn’t think what i had done wrong. i didnt get sleep that night and i even had a dream of him ignoring me and talking to my best friend.

that next night i had another negative dream about him (i dont remember) but what’s funny is that same night of not being able to sleep bc of us starting to talk (the good time) i actually had a good dream about him (lol). so its like everything happend again, just one of them was good and the other was bad.

i just was and still am confused what suddenly changed. its weird, bc this all happened so fast. we were talking regularly for only a few days and out of no where this happend. it wasn’t even like we were just casually talking either, he literally called me cute then stopped talking to me. i just dont know what happened??

and this really upsetted me more than it should have honestly. i’m tbh still kind of sad over it but definitely not as much as i was at first. anyways, i shouldn’t spend too much of my time worrying about him. he has his own reasons, though i wish i knew, i’m sure its just simply boredom? like i dont thibk it was anything serious anyway, so i think ill be okay.

(i still hope i see him at another meeting)

oh did i tell you that’s how we basically met? we were at the same meeting for school, though we go to different schools, and a week later he followed me on insta then dmed me then at one point told me he remembered me from the meeting and thought i was cute.

also, to make things more complicated, i already knew who he was way before we even started talking. my best friend *tht same one from the dream* had a crush on him and talked to me a lot about him. well actually she never told me she had a crush on him, i just speculate she did (or does). a part of me thinks she does by the way she talks of him, but her getting a boyfriend after initially telling me about him kind of defied my speculation. so i dont really know what he meant to her

but if things would have lets say worked out with him, he would’ve been the second guy i “stole” from my best friend. i had a thing with a guy from the same school the other goes to from end of may to august and he actually.. basically, led on my other two friends. another friend from the other school introduced us three (me, my best friend and another friend) to this guy and both my friends instantly thought he was cute. i said he was alright, because the pictures she sent were older.

anyways, he started talking to my friend and we all thought they were a thing. turns out, he never liked her (only she liked him) as he started talking to my best friend. then we all thought they liked each other until he found… me.

he told me he’d found me when my friend sent him a picture of me via snapchat, and he instantly thought i was cute. he even asked her who i was, and he began literally finding my socials

kind of out of topic but i legit caught him stalking me LMAO we were on a call for the first time (this is where i met him) and he was screen sharing on discord in a group call (consisted of me, my best friend, him, and another guy) bc i think my best friend was showing him vsco? and as he left that tab, we all saw his insta tab and it was on MY vsco link… where pictures of ME were.. i even said “why tf my vsco on ur insta” and he literally exited that tab so fast and said nothing. i didn’t know he actually heard me until he told me in like july LMAO

anyways anyways, basically he led both of them on and went for me.. and i as the worst friend ever liked him back! it seriously ruined our friendships a little, bc that first friend stopped replying to both me and my best friend on snap, then my best friend seemed mad at me for awhile.. and she was actually mad at me at one point (she admitted) bc she told me shed watch fruits basket with him, when he suddenly stopped and was watching it with me instead (OKAY, to defend myself here, i had no clue they ever watched it together)

and now, if she does or even did like this other guy, id feel like i was just chasing after guys she never could get with. that would make me the worst friend in the world.

[megician]

was tagged by the lovely @aevita​ - thanks! i’m tagging anyone who sees this. LAST

DRINK: pepsi max, of course  PHONE CALL: would be my aunt TEXT MESSAGE: probably @ccorvidae SONG YOU LISTENED TO: fire meet gasoline - sia TIME YOU CRIED: im an emotional bitch, i cry all the time. probably today. HAVE YOU DATED SOMEONE TWICE: i don’t remember lmao KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: yes oh my god BEEN CHEATED ON: nope LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: yes  BEEN DEPRESSED: yes GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: lol yes

THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS

burgundy orange turquoise

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

MADE NEW FRIENDS: yes, like one  FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: nope! LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: many times FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: noope MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: not that i can think of FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: already knew that lollll KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: nope

GENERAL

HOW MANY OF YOUR FB FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: almost all of them DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: yes, two cats and a dog DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: my last name, maybe  WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY: i don’t think i did anything special WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: a10:30  WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: watching the defenders  NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: two things!! @aevita coming to visit on tuesday and going to @ccorvidae for halloween. funtimes.  WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOTHER: a few min ago WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: buffy is on in the background SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: nothing at all at this very minute MOST VISITED WEBSITE: twitter, youtube, tumblr HAIR COLOUR: ehhhh gingery light brown? LONG OR SHORT HAIR: i have short hair, i want longer DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: uncertain PIERCINGS: ears, septum BLOOD TYPE: no clue  NICKNAME: cathy RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single af ZODIAC: pisces PRONOUNS: she/her FAVOURITE TV SHOW: have a few: black sails, iasip, b99, buffy, brba, got TATTOOS: uh, 12?  RIGHT OR LEFT HANDED: right SURGERY: yeah a few SPORT: i don’t play any sports but i do love a good hockey game PAIR OF TRAINERS: three

MORE GENERAL

DRINKING: pepsi max.  I’M ABOUT TO: sleep probably WAITING FOR: autumn WANT: self-control GET MARRIED: nah CAREER: tbh i’d be happy doing anything if i got paid lol

WHICH IS BETTER

HUGS OR KISSES: hugs LIPS OR EYES: eyes SHORTER OR TALLER: i don’t care OLDER OR YOUNGER: doesn’t matter NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: i don’t care HOOKUP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: bit of both

HAVE YOU EVER

KISSED A STRANGER: yes DRANK HARD LIQUOR: yes LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: literally lost one of my contacts the other day, it just fell out and disappeared TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: yeeee  SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nope BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: idk, if so then unintentionally BEEN ARRESTED: uh, no, but i was caught shoplifting once which was awkward CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: yes FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: kind of

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

YOURSELF: i mean,,,, sure  MIRACLES: no SANTA CLAUS: no KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: completely depends on the date, and who you’re dating ANGELS: nope

OTHER

EYE COLOUR: blue FAVOURITE MOVIE: i like many movies but i can’t think of a n y

#tag things

[whenismuna]

all?

1. Name: stephanie, steph, stoof, mistake

2. Birthplace: iowa bye

3. Ancestry: german and swedish aka whitest of the whites

4. Zodiac Sign: aries :)

5. Biggest fear: lmao being alone and losing trust in the people i care about most haha

6. Strength/Weakness: nothing/everything

7. Worst habit: breathing

8. Favorite holiday: halloween

9. Ever been in a car crash: almost

10. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher: lol who hasnt

11. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house: fill up my water and take off my pants

12. Age at first kiss: 17

13. When did you fall in love for the first time: 17

14. Who Is Your Longest Friend & How Long: michelle, the loml, 10 1/2 years :’)

15. Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: dont die maybe

16. What were you doing at midnight last night: listening to after laughter

17. When was the last time you laughed hard: this morning talking to michelle

18. Who was the last person that told you they love you: michelle :’)

19. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday morning: how am i supposed to know bye

20. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with: very first date was a double-date with my then-friend and our then-boyfriends and we saw that movie with justin timberlake about time?

21. Who’s wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen: my moms :)

22. Who did you see in concert first: weird al in like 4th grade

23. Who was your favorite teacher: SARAH JACKSON MY MOTHER I LOVE HER THE REAL LOML

24. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day: michelle

25. Who do you think about most: michelle or carly rae jepsen

26. Is your ideal occupation? doing anything with animal husbandry/rehabilitation

27. Beer, wine, or liquor? liquor 100%

28. Favourite restaurant? old sammy t’s or maybe legume

29. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? ben and jerrys americone dream

30. McDonlads or Burger King? neither?

31. Fantasy dinner guest(s)? crj, griffin mcelroy, rachel carson

32. Have you ever been drunk? When was the last time? yee like january wtf

33. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done drunk? lmao i sent michelle a bunch of snaps once crying about how much i love dogs

34. Wonder Woman or Cat Woman? wonder woman

35. How many pets do you have? none but i wanna get a kenyan sand boa so bad :(

36. What would be the first thing you bought if you won the lottery? an education

37. When was the first time you smoked? like july?

38. Who last sent you a text? delaney

39. Who did you last send a text to? delaney

40. What 4 things would you take to a desert island? rope, a knife, a lighter, and plastic wrap

41. Name the 3 most important people in your life? michelle delaney and nay

42. Favorite song? rn probably fake happy tbh

43. Favorite movie? always hsm bye

44. When did you last cuddle someone? last night :)

45. When did you last have sex? tuesday

46. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? so much oh my god

47. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute? i mean this time five years ago i was getting ready to go to camp for the first time so i was probably worried about people liking me and like some of my best friends are from camp so obviously thats not a fear anymore

48. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? just one?

49. What relationships have ended? But you can’t let go? literally none

50. Where would you take a road trip? everywhere

51. How do Mondays feel for you? time isnt real. i havent known what day it is for the past month

52. If you could spend ten minutes with your ‘hero’ alive or dead what would you ask them? “hi rachel yeah a) are u gay, b) will you marry me?”

53. Do your practice ‘self love’ or ‘self loathing’? love in theory but loathing in practice

54. What’s your greatest achievement to date? beating a game of solitaire in 25 seconds

55. What scares you about your future? literally everything

56. Why does pizza come in a square box? idk?

57. What would happen if you knew you could not fail? id already have my dream job tbh

58. How does it feel to be photographed? if its on my terms, very nice, otherwise no

59. If you could erase an event from your mind, which one would you choose? all of middle school

60. Do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’? trick question, i dont want kids

61. Do you stand for what you believe in or are you pleasing others? im the most non-confrontational person i know but if it really gets to morals i will absolutely stand for what i believe in

62. If money were no concern, what would you do for the rest of your life? travel

63. What are you thankful for, this moment? my friends

64. Do you have same sex fantasies? im gay?

65. If you have had sex in a public place, where? nope

66. Have you ever cried during/after sex? nope

67. Who is the oldest person you’ve had sex with? 25

68. Who is the youngest person you’ve had sex with? 19

69. Would you rather be in a relationship with a totally submissive partner or a totally dominant partner? dom bye

70. How tall are you? 5′10 bye

71. How much do you weigh? lmao i dont even know. i havent weighed myself in so long like i dont care lowkey

72. What color is your hair naturally? brown

73. What size jeans do you wear? umm???? 10??? 12????? idk

74. What is your favorite color to wear? black

75. Do you have any piercings? no :(

76. Do you have any tattoos? no :(

77. Do you care how other people see you? sometimes

78. Do you like sports? eh

79. How do you feel about age differences in relationships? it depends. as long as its not a huge age gap its fine idk

80. How do you feel about race differences in relationships? why would that matter?

81. Do you believe in karma or fate? both? more karma though

82. Do you keep a journal? i used to

83. Describe the last dream you remember: i was at delaneys house and her and her mom were showing me around the house and i was sobbing

84. Describe your favorite dream: see above

85. Where are some places you would like to visit? everywhere

86. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend? harry styles, handsome ghost, misterwives

87. What music do you listen to when you are happy? it depends? mostly carly rae jepsen tho lbr

88. What music do you listen to when you are mad? mostly folie a deux or vices or something

89. Do you like to burn candles or incense? candles

90. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? oh yikes becherovka

91. What are your favorite alcoholic beverages? anything fruity

92. Do you smoke cigarettes or cigars? What about marijuana? nope

93. Who is your number 1 friend and why is he or she there? MICHELLE!!!!! we are soulmates and tbh i swear we were friends in a past life and when we met we knew because we were instantly best friends and i trust her with my life and tbh i could write a 10 page paper on why i love her and why shes my best friend bc wow a+ what a gal i love her so much and she will always be my #1. i am michelle trash #1

94. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member? nope

95. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? yeah probably

96. Would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath? nope

97. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? im gay

98. Do you think your last ex still wants to be with you? lmao tbh who cares im so over that and like lowkey if she sees this i dont really care bc like so much happened and also i have agf now so it doesnt even matter?

99. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? IM GAY

100. What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual people? I AM GAY

101. How often do you brush your teeth? depends on if im in a depressive episode or not, but usually at least twice a day

102. How often do you shower?  When was the last time you had a shower? depends on if im in a depressive episode or not but usually every day, and i showered yesterday

103. How often do you shave your legs? lmao like once a week maybe, that also depends on seasons and stuff

104. Political affiliation? liberal 100% like?

105. Opinion on abortion? jesus christ i dont care like im not boutta stop yall

106. Opinion on immigrants/ immigration reform? we need reform bc people need help and we cant just let them die yknow?

107. Should prostitution be legalized? oh god this is lowkey a super loaded question like theres a lot that would go into this holy shit

108. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? literally what does even mean

109. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? good question

110. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? just one?

111. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? being at camp

112. Would you break the law to save a loved one? it depends? but probably?

113. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? probably france? idk i just always liked it?

114. Why are you the person you are? jesus i wish i knew

115. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? id like to think so?

116. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? misunderstandings 

117. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? so many things

118. Were you happy when you woke up today? i mean i got to facetime michelle so

119. What’s a fact about the last person who text messaged you? shes such a good friend and i miss her and i cant wait to hopefully see her in august bc wow its been almost 2 years since we saw each other and i cry every day

120. Want someone back in your life? my grandpa tbh

121. What are you excited for? a lot actually for once

122. Are you scared to fall in love? absolutely terrified 

123. When is your next road trip? um i guess june because im going to pennsylvania?

124. What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? listened to harrys album

125. Do you like to cuddle? yeS

126. Have you ever kissed more than one person in 24 hours? nope

127. Plans for tomorrow? i have no clue

128. Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? probably too much

129. How is life going for you right now? um id say pretty good. definitely better than it was at this point last year

130. If you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept? maybe? idk

131. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? haha yeah lol

132. Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year? i have before so... yes.

133. If you could have one super power what would it be? idk man

134. Background on your cell phone? my dog :’(

135. What are you thinking about right this second? after laughter and how sad/relatable it is ://////

136. Last book you read? How was it? um i still havent finished it but oil and honey and its so good i love bill mckibben so much

137. What is the last thing you bought? halsey tickets :’)

138. Do you live with your parents? yea

139. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? theres really no “sneaking out” of my house anymore bc my dad trusts me to not fuck up?

140. Have you ever met a celebrity? tyler joseph oh my god aleX CAPLOW WOW

141. What are you like when you’re drunk? im super laughy. im a typical drunk girl like idc

142. What are you like when you’re high? chill idk

143. Do you want children? not really

144. Do you want a church wedding? idk probably not tbh

145. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2 but i have 4 that i lay on my bed?

146. Have you ever been scuba diving? yeah i wanna go again and get certified tbh

147. Who was your first real crush? yikEs

148. What are you allergic to? nothing i am perfect, evolution did me well

149. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? nope

150. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? neither

151. How did you get your name? my mom chose it 20 minutes before i was born

152. Name one thing about your body you love? my eyes/eyebrows :)

153. What is your biggest goal in life? be happy and have a job that i love

154. Do you still have feelings for your ex? nope

155. Do you think aliens are real? absolutely

156. What age did you start drinking? 15? 16? 17? i dont know

157. What do you think of President Obama? overall good

158. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? i sure hope so?

159. Describe your dream girl/guy? my gf :)

160. Story of your first kiss? lmao nop

161. Story of the first time you made out with someone? lmAO NOPE

162. Story of the first time you had sex? FUCK NOP

163. When did you first have sex? 18 bye

164. First time you gave/ received oral sex? 18 jesus

165. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? nope but im gonna have to soon kill me i want to die

167. Favorite fictional character (movie, book, tv show)? cosima niehaus

168. How many followers do you have on tumblr? What about twitter/ instagram? 500 something idk? twitter like 200 something and insta 200 something too? idk im not really on insta anymore?

169. Are you friend with your parents on Facebook? who isnt?

170. First time you thought you were in love? When did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person? haha lol wow what a mistake jahahahaha

171. Do you talk to yourself? constantly

172. How old will you be on your next birthday? 20 what the fuck

173. How did you meet the last person you kissed? we were in public speaking together rip

174. Do you have any hickies? yea

175. Turn ons? girls

176. Turn offs? boys

177. What qualities did you get from your mom? all of my bad qualities

178. What qualities did you get from your dad? also all of my bad qualities

179. How many siblings do you have? 2 older brothers

180. Have you ever taken anyone’s virginity? nope

#christ that was more than i thought it was #thank u tho :) #Anonymous

[ecotone99]

[MF] Sunday Scaries

The conversation formatting doesnt hold on reddit copy paste, so its much better read thru link

Linking at Top to not spoil the end - hope thats OK!

https://www.casualblasphemy.com/blog/sundayscaries

​

------------------------------------------

Jesus Christ and Other Swear words

Volume II: Anxiety Rainbow

A Slower Burn to Fiery Finish. About 10-15 minutes

Chapter 2, 3 or 7, not sure yet.

​

​

Chapter III: Sunday Night Scream Into the Void

I lie (awake) to myself

A feeling of impending doom. So many emails. Existential dread and the Sunday Scaries.

I cannot sleep, it is nearly midnight. I have so much to do this week.

I lie awake and try to think of all the embarrassing things other people have done.

I can't think of any, so I go back to remembering my own social failings.

The time I tripped in front of my Crush age 14. My disastrous bangs of just last year. The time I mispronounced Worcheschertshishire in front of my cute coworker. The 23 blocks I walked with toilet paper stuck to my foot and that afternoon tanning in the park with a tampon string dangling from my bikini bottoms. Everyone remembers. I am sure of it. I farted once on a conference call.

Monday is only a few hours away. So many emails and the dishes sit soaking for a third day. I shouldn't have slept in today. I have so much to do tomorrow. I think about every time i've fucked up in my past 30 years.

My anxiety builds and I try again to refocus my attention. I try to remember all the embarrassing things other people have done, but I literally cannot think of any. I sort of remember one of my friends shitting his pants. Was that the day I walked into the sliding glass door. Do you think he remembers? Oh god, was it me that poped my pants? Oh jeez, i said poped, not pooped. Im talking out loud to myself.

Thank god no one is here.

I feel lonely.

----

I eat a CBD chocolate and feel the anxiety of impending doom. So many emails.

I remember. I remember every embarrassing thing I have done in my entire life. I have so much to do this week. So many emails. I have a meeting tomorrow and I don't feel prepared. That time I was left hanging for a high five with my hand in the air. I looked like Hitler with no friends. It is Sunday and life is Scary. So much to do this week. Were they laughing at me? I feel lonely. No one talked to me today. I feel like the Pluto of my friend group.

I decide to crowdsource some self esteem and climb on Tinder.

Left

Left

Right

Match!

Left

Left

Oh damn this guy is hot.

Damn, 5’10

Left

Right

Match!

Left

Left

Right

Match!

Right

Match!

Right

Match!

Every time I swipe right it's a Match. I feel attractive and desirable

Left

Left

ew

Left

Left

Double ew!

Left

Right

Right

Nothing. What!?

I lower my standards

Right

Right

Right

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing

Sunday Feels Scary Again. I have so much to do tomorrow. I don't want to play the game anymore. I fear rejection from strangers. Kinda horny tho. I survey my matches and read messages:

“Hey”

“Wanna Fuck?”

“Nice weather Today”

“Show me your bobs?”

“Nice Feet”

A profile stands out

Blake

6”2’ “Ive never shoed a horse, but I told a Cow to go home once”

I don't really get it, but he's HOT. That fish he caught is HUGE! I climb out of my comfort zone and message first. I've never done this before

“Hey” she wrote with butterflies

….

…….

………..

18 minutes pass. Nothing.

I go back to swiping unenthusiastically

Right

Right

Nothing.

I feel like a Moth in a world of Butterflies. Undesirable.

OH GOD. I research gravity blankets and take a xanax. I think of Cocoons.

I fall asleep lonely horny disappointed anxious and 8% numb. So many emails. Maybe I can do the dishes tomorrow after work, the gym, and picking up my prescriptions. I shouldn't have messaged him. I need groceries. That time I tripped on the bleachers and Becky laughed at me. I run through the grocery list in my head. Eggs, avocados, kombucha, spinach, Shame, paper towels, CBD chocolates. I feel weird.

------

I survive another week with espresso and antidepressants. It was hard. I am so tired. I am so tired all the time. Its sunday night and I feel The Doom coming again. I batten the hatches and prepare to wait out the emotional storm under the weight of my new Gravity Blanket. Its heavy and sweaty and I regret buying it. My anxiety rises to new highs and I feel like an idiot. Thank god no one is here. I feel lonely.

Ping!

Blake: :Me

“Hey ;) still up?”

I think about unmatching to teach him a lesson for not replying to me last week, but digital or not, I really need this distracting attention.

“Maybe ;) whatcha doing?”

Trying not to think about Monday LOL

LOLOL Same Same. Sunday Scaries :o

LOL I KNOW! Just gotta get through this week,

I am getting a puppy on Friday!

Puppy! What kind!?

A Frenchi :) her name is Luna

OMG NEED!

You have any pets?

Nooooo :(

You can come play with mine!

Cats or Dogs?

YES PLZ! I grew up with dogs :)

What was the name of your first pet?

Daisy :) she was so sweet

Awww, where did you grow up?

Seattle, just moved for a new job

It's hard being in a new city!

Well I can show you around!

What is your job?

Never been to Seattle, were you born there?

Born in Suburbia, lol

a little town nearby called Auburn

I work for a company that has meetings

I have a friend from Auburn!

LoL what do you meet about?

No way!

We meet about other meetings

Yea, did you got to Westside Elementary?

Eastside

Oh nice, her mom was a teacher there

Did you have Mrs. Ellison for 1st grade English?

I don't remember a Mrs. Ellison?

I had a Mr. Gardner

Oh lol. U like cars?

Sort of

I just got a new one :)

What was the make and model of your first car?

Wow! You are having quite the year!

Lol 1994 black honda civic. The dream

You sound like a Capricorn

Virgo!

Oh nice, when is your birthday?

August 24th, 1990

Just got a pic of my puppy, wanna see?

OMG YES

206-390-0345

I like Capricorns ;)

Oh god that sounded desperate

Texted you

Didn't get it!

Tried again

Nothing :(

Lol new phone too, I think its fucked tho

Whats your email, I wanna show you my bb pup!

Lol look at you Mr. New

[[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

….

……

……..

Did you send it?

…..

Hello?

Fal Asleep? lol

Ping!

An email arrives to my racing heart. He's so inquisitive! New car and a puppy! I wonder what he does for a living? Such a Gentleman, that was a whole hour of texting and he didn't even ask for nudes. I click the notification but my email won't open.

Please login to continue. I type my password “Daisy123”

Incorrect password/email combination

Please try again

Oh, is it lowercase?

******3

Please Try Again

*****3

Please Try Again

******3

Please Try Again

Ugh im so tired, I can't even type right. I'll leave it for morning

--------

MondayVegan Jessica III sleeps well in dreams of Blake, Frenchi’s and Avocados under the weight of her anti-anxiety gravity blanket. She wakes with a smile and grabs her phone eagerly.

Please Try Again

Please Try Again

Vegan Jessica III eats her last free-range Avocado on a piece of whole-wheat gluten-free non-cruelty noGMO carboloaf. Num!

Please Try Again

Fucking Annoying!

I switch over to my work email and begin responding to CC threads as I walk to the train. I meet with my team and we plan our next meeting. We have a great plan to plan.

I get home exhausted. I am so tired. We met for three hours and planned for three more days of planning meetings about meeting plans. I log in to tinder and check my messages. Nothing. I take a xanax and go to sleep. The dishes are molding and i'm out of avocados.

Tuesday

I wake stressed and skip breakfast. I head into work and drink espresso. We meet again to discuss our plan to plan. Everything goes as planned and we adjourn. I get out of work 15 minutes early and swing by CVS Pharmacy for LaCroix and drugs.

Some freak in a fedora oggles my breasts through my oversized sweater. What is he even looking at?

“Hi, yes, prescription pickup for Vegan Jessica III. It should have been called in Monday”

“Sure thing, insurance and ID please. Have a seat, it'll be about 15 minutes”

Pharmacists are just drug baristas, change my mind. I wait 45 minutes for the man in the never-dirtied lab coat to grab a prepackaged bottle of prozac from the wall. I hand him my credit card.

“Im sorry Ma’am, your card was declined, do you have another?”

The word ‘Ma’am’ turns three of my pubic hairs grey. It makes me kind of miss that creep in the fedora surveying my body.

Are you sure? Can you try again

Yes ma’am, the card is declined. Do you have another Ma’am?

Ma’am

Can you try calling them? I left my debit at home and don't have any cash.

I glance at my Fitbit. The time is 6:01pm

Its after 6pm Ma’am, you'll have to wait till tomorrow.

I leave the CVS and the pharmacists spends the next 30 minutes placing the bottle of pills back on the shelf.

----

I go home feeling frustrated. I skip the mailbox, dishes, dustbunnies and head straight for my bed. I pull the gravity blanket over my head like a ghost and feel a little better. I eat a half a pound of CBD chocolate and feel much better.

I log into Tinder. Fucking Blake ghosted. Unmatched. Under my blanket I get scared of ghosts and eat another ¼ pound of CBD chocolate.

Wednesday

I wake feeling like shit. I don't know why. I feel stressed. I call in sick to work and take a xanax and go back to bed. I awake to a phonecall from an unknown number. Fucking spamassrobocalls. I scream FUCK YOU to 1s and 0s. There's a panic rising in my throat.

I haven't checked my personal email in days now and try to log back in. I click password recovery and an email is sent to my old college email | [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]). Ugh I can't believe I used to eat honey and drink milk with my coffee; I feel ashamed of my former self. It feels like a Sunday, but it's only wednesday.

I try to login to my old college email to recover my password for my post-college email.

I try to remember my old password

Please Try again

I try all my old combinations

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Lockout timer 29:59..

29:58….

29:57….

Ugh I hate this shit.

Trying to recover a password to recover a password. Did I type it wrong? Was it capitalized? Am I just not remembering it right? Was the ‘I’ a “!” ?? Was there 123 at the end, or maybe beginning?

I need to set my passwords to things I can never forget. Maybe take a lesson from Sunday. Shame and Trauma seem to make for fantastic passwords.

MyFatherAbandonedOurFamilyIn1997!

That's not something im likely to forget

I spend the next 29 minutes finally doing the dishes and feel a little better.

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Lockout timer 59:59

FUCK

I hate this shit. I click the password recovery button on my college email and a third is sent to my very first email address. [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

I go to AOL.com and try to login

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

Please Try again

It feels like im opening those Russian Dolls. Every time I open one, another is there. The Russian Nesting Dolls of Digital Frustration. Please Try Again Later.

Recover the password

to recover the password

to recover the password

Please Try Again

I channel my frustration and hit the gym. Pilates class with Pontious. I stop on the way home and Scream into the Void. I feel a little better.

I check the mailbox before the stairs.

I turn the key and an avalanche spills out. Envelope after envelope, it seems unending. They just keep coming. The cascade flow dries to a dribble and I reach inside to scoop the rest of my mail out.

My arms are full of dead trees and I feel sad. Plus its like super heavy after an hour of cross planking. I ascend the stairs and unlock the door with my keys in my mouth. I push the door open with my forehead and dump the heavy mess of envelopes and magazines on the floor.

A Victoria Secret catalogue catches my eye. I make a mental note of my despise for their company message and start perusing the pages. What kind of image are they putting in the heads of young girls. False standards of beauty. Where are the real women! That bra is like super cute tho. I order three in different colors but my card is declined. The bras never come, its ok tho, they wouldn't have fit me anyway.

When my card is declined I think of Blake’s rejection again. Ghosted. What an asshole. Whatever he's probably just another pig who gets off to Victoria Secret models and supports an impossible standard of beauty. I am now convinced Victoria’s real Secret is mainstream distribution of introductory pornography to young boys in suburbia. That's a big mental leap to take from subquality prethought, but I think it's important to note where some of these idolized false standards of beauty start. They start with aging young Mother’s ordering VS products and catalogs to catch renewed interest from their lazily inattentive husbands and trickledown pornoEconomics recycles the catalogs to prepubescent boys. Hidden and stolen, they are a prime middle-school currency. The image of Desire becomes fixed in pubescent development and the path upscycles again.

I throw the catalog away disgusted and pick up my copy of the much more realistic Vogue. I eat more CBD chocolate and forget to call my credit card company. I fall asleep with fragrant advertisements and two miles of photoshop-smoothed Gigi Hadid legs on my face.

Friday

It's a beautiful morning and i'm feeling rested. I don't know what happened to Thursday. We have a brief meeting about next week's meeting and are dismissed early. Summer Fridays are the best! I meet up with my besties and we dress up to impossible standards of beauty.

Thin pink straps patterned with “VS VS VS” loop my shoulders out of my strapless black dress. Clash is in. I think it looks cute even tho the bra doesn't fit well. I lace up my gladiator platform cork wedges and we head out for a night of dancing.

I dance next to my ugliest friend and bask in double attention.

Buy you a Drink?

Wanna Dance?

Ever Ride a Motorcycle?

All eyes on me. I dance and twirl and snort the night away. This cocaine is fantastic. My credit card still doesn't work so I have boys buy me drinks. I black out a bit and wake up in my Uber home. Its light out and the birds won't shut up about the stupid sun. My heart is beating arhythmically and I feel weird. A feeling of impending doom is brewing and it makes me feel weirder - it's not even Sunday.

I sober up a bit, but can't sleep. I decide to finish the vial of cocaine I took from that boy and do some housekeeping.

I take the trash out and open my computer. I feel inspired to clean and conquer.

I will recover my password!

I see a button for ‘alternate recovery options’ on my ancient @aol email and click

A series of questions challenge my identity

“Date of Birth”

August 24th, 1990

“What was the name of your first Pet?”

Daisy

“What was the name of your 1st grade English Teacher?

Mr. Gardner

“What City Were you Born in?”

Auburn

“What was the Make and Model of your First Car?”

1994 Black Honda Civic

And just like that I'm in! I recover my password and recover my password and recover my password.

The russian dolls reassemble and my anxiety plummets

--------

----

---

Until I open Gmail to a Nightmare

The realization grips me. The Saturday Scaries are Real. I spring to the 4 foot foyer of my apartment where the non-fashion-catalog remainder of my mail avalanche sits piled like rubble.

I rifle through envelopes and cut my finger. It really stings. I suckle a droplet of blood and read the envelopes

Chase | Amex | Credit Karma | MasterCard | Kohls Discover Card | ATT | SPRINT | T-Mobile

Bills. Bills of all kinds. Bills of all shapes and sizes. Bills Not mine, but mine. An acre of rainforest in bills.

My iphone rings and my phone wont open. Panic Panic Panic. Saturday Scaries. I pull my bleeding finger from my mouth and the iphone recognizes my face. I answer the call

“Ma’am i'm calling from TransUnion Credit Reporting, we've seen some unusual activity on your report this week, can you confirm opening the following 227 Credit Cards on Sunday between the hours of 11pm and 4am Monday Morning?”

(This phone call 97% actually happened)

My vision spots and I hit the floor.

___

I awake Sunday. My head is throbbing and my finger hurts. I look at the papercut and it stares back with green eyes. It smells like Almond Butter, but the gross GMO kind. I put CBD oil on it and leave the house.

I head to the hospital, but my credit card is declined. My finger is green to the knuckle and it definitely feels like a Sunday.

I head home and curl up in my bed. With my green arm I pull the gravity blanket over my head and cry. I fall asleep feeling scared and not safe.

I wake to pain. The green has spread throughout my whole body. I feel weak. I need to go to work. So many emails.

I feel The DOOM

I try to lift the gravity blanket, but I am weak and it is too heavy.

The longer I stay, the weaker I become. Days pass and I miss meeting after meeting. I sweat profusely trapped inside a cocoon of anxiety. Unseen emails pile up and add to the weight. My phone is out of battery and I can't reach past the blanket for my charger. I need water. I really need water.

I feel The DOOM

I think of blood poisoning and my plummeting credit scoreThe Chrysalis hardens to reject the outside world

It becomes my Tomb. I feel safe here.

Immune to Anxiety

No emails, no meetings.

The DOOM fades to black and so do I.

submitted by /u/Beerandcabfare [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2QcBhf7

#Blogger #Story

[kyandice]

CANDICE EDIT THIS UGLY SHIT WHEN U HAVE THE FUCKING TIME

this is an ugly unedited one it has been in my drafts for like 2 months already. so whatever i just posting it. ill edit it if i have the time. thins is is i actually edited half way and MY FUCKING COMPUTER FUCKING CRASHED SO I GAVE UP  and yeahhh ill just post this ugly unedited one and ill edit it again WITH PROPER ENGLISH WHEN I HAVE THE TIME. idk i just cqnt see stuff in my drafts i just havre to post it and yewah wtf.

this unedu=ited stuff is just me writing key poiunts about my day and not like urghhhhhhh i hate this commmmmm. normally i would describe more but i dont want it in my drafts anymore so ill edit it when im free OKAYYYY.

1/3 

Hahahahahah lmao this was the date when i got tgt with K 3 years ago.(omg i still rmb, but tbh its nth special i just rmb useless stuff pretty well)  Never wanted to date a guy again even i with crushes back in sec sch. but anyways, today i went to Sentosa w/ B and he seemed to really like the artificial fiels alot but it was like in the afternoon so it was still kinda hot and yeahhhh. Like it would be much nicer at night. There will be like alot of stars and fireworks too and it will be more windy and cooling idk but it will be nicer at night and i want to spend the night w/ B there again. Oh yeah anyways ystd B bought me the batgirl lego keychain and B told me that batgirl had sex with batman and im shoooked.

2/3 and like today we planned to go to his house anddd then go to parkway parade to some lego secret chambers shop. i went out early cuz my junior wanted to pass me her lego characs but she couldnt make it so i was alr at bishan so i just went to tpy and wait for bryan o wake and meet me so i called him at 11am but he woke up and shouted at me so i just like nvmmmm so i went to the library and went window shopping around tpy and i also went popular 1pm i didnt want to call him up but i was like ugh nvm and called him.. and yay he finaally woke up wna read tuesday with morrie, all the fifty shades of grey and in grey's pov n miss peregrine's home for peculiar children but we still went to parkway parade anyays and he asked me to watch letters from iwo jima so i watched it at night and bryan wanted to watch the breakup list on toggle but it kept playing ads and it just wouldnt play the video so b got alittle pissed 3/3 logan, training (our 8th movie)

4/3 finishing crocheting my first thinggg the bear thing shoud i give it to bryan would he want it so today b was vvvv kinda excited this video thing with ck and cez and im like vvv happy for him cuz he can do smthing he rlly likes with cool n funny ffriends. also he said that he didnt want us to go public at first cuz he was afraid that ppl might tease us he said he was afraid i might be ffrustrated but tbh i was hella frustaratred i dont see the point of hiding our rship but im glad werre like opene now and so at night i went to ikea and b messaged me but i was busyt walking and i didnt recieve his msg but i didnt like lock my phone so it was read. but like it was in my pockets and like my mom doesnt allow me to play my phine whenever im walking but yeah anyways b was angry hat i didnt reply him. we sorta quarreled awhile but we were kinda okay after that i guess. wtf sia today midnight i have to distribute stuff to the homeless ppl in bugis and i was wearing a short paanyts and my mom tied this weird looking scarf i swear i look like some carzy hobo youngster wtf.

5&6/3 sneaked out of house, slept over at his house and after that i went to tpy first while he showers, ate and went home early to pack for camp stuff wna stay over at his house again it was fun we tried to watch moanna but was kinda sleepy

7/3 day 1 of camp. slept with b outised tgt

8/3 day 2 of camp (-met javier and sihui -every camps i go i get very angry -shoulder, water balloon) larn cpr and aed the skit thing worst grp ever

9/3 day 3 of camp water activities we won

10/3 tkd training

11/3

-wtf nxt week go msia (wanted to go work) -quarreled with bteh. cuz i cant go out but he wants me to go out -yyour suffering defines you without it yore a void -japan and korea with bryan -my parents -i want more lego charac -money - i cant wait for tmr for ilighhtsss i want to take like alooot pictures tgt with bryannnn styled hair -nicole choo idk why im still so insecure like i know pretty clearly that im decent looking. decent looking enough to make friends, have a job and not get ostracised in society. and well if you arent good looking enough you'll be made fun off/ostracised in society and thats how humans work. and now everywhere you see are pretty girls and how can any girls feel not insecure. Okay, i have a flat and fat nose. i want to have a sharper and thinner nose like michelle. i have pretty small boobs and i want boobs like naomi. my shoulders are too wide from playing softball, i want a smaller width shoulders like grace. my tummy isnt flat i want a flat tummy. and thing is those are pretty famous girls in like sg and im not even talking abt kim kard or emma wats or like jennifer lawr. omg i dont even know where im going with this im just literally typing all my thoughts down. okay and the boys here???? they all follow those people and im pretty sure they compare them over the normal girls in sch. omg what am i even talking abt. i feel silly even typing this out. but okay if your beauty standards doesnt reach like the norm in society you srsly wouldnt have friends. unless youre realllll rich or your sense of humor is rlly rlly great.

12/3 didnt quarrel but we  were obv upset with each other it was a fun day tho when to see i lights took alot pictures ate llaollao no money

20/3 best s ever went home after it bteh gg aunts house today

his flight will be tmr 21/22 job interview got the job bryaan in flight abt cosplay how i dont have frinds

25/03 bryan found my private twitter accnt                                    bteh tole me abt a girl he liked when he was in korea idk if anyone realised but ive got a really really really bad habit. its weird really. but its a thing ive been doing since young and i never talked to anyone about it before. so actually, when im nervous, or stressed out, or just couldnt take my mind off smthing, i would like start peeling or plucking my nails. okay many people do this but, i ahve a weirder one andddd omg i think i will regret saying this. So actually, i pluck i my hair when im nervous, stressed out or just thinking abt smthing i cant ignore. so back in primary 4 i was doing this math practice paper and i couldnt do any those 6marks big problem sums and i was fking stressed out. and well my habit of plucking my own hair started really really young. and at P4 my mom saw me crying

26 toc competition firdst fight win second fight lose how i dont wna fight nationals cuz my weight cat all got national player lose my chance to win gold cant even get silver r came today

29/ power rangers

30 wanted to go coney island with rapheal and jill and bryan but it rained so we went to lan and gamed without jill bryan pushed me and i banged into someone in the end see museums some forest thing the ligths vvv pretyy

28/hotel

31/ hotel went to work after that talk about work made bryan that key chain clp diner and dance

1/4 learn bst bts for club crawl played boomberang didnt workkk aot is out!!!!!!

2/4 today i need to go mountbatten cc to practice my poomsae my poomsae lousy i dont think i can pass at first try anyways president of stf is milan quey idk if i spelt his name properly but yeah. before that ate yellow sub with B will nvr eat there again portion is small yet expensive and food isint so nice at all but since i get to eat with b im vvvv gladdd

3/4 today i went early to B's house. after that met up with madeline and shirlyn to watch boss baby and the movie was quite nice i thought i wouldnt like it and then we ate pepper lunch and omg osaka is a vvv small place like shirlyn went evrywhere i visited like a a year ago

4/4 AND I WOKE UP WITH BTEH lose his doibok and he couldnt find it my maid threathened to take a mail for my mom cuz she lazy walk and she wants me to do it but i was late

5/4 there was demo training we played table tennis for awhile and bteh is good at it, ok maybe its just that i suck at it but yea theres was fmo so we slacked at tg until demo tng started so at night he said hes tired but idk that he wanted to sleep soon and he was like stop it and i was like stop wat but he ttly just shut me off and then i got pissed cuz i would nvr do that to him

6/4 i had to meet herman but like after meeting him timetable i realised i forget to bring my wallet somethimes im torn in beteen like just not gg out with bteh cuz i have no money to eat or spend his money again he keeps saying its okay but its really not okay im just not comfortable like someone spending so much on me i owe money so he told me his specs broke ttly

One of the things dreams do for us is prepare us for worse case scenario. The dream that is closest to reality about a loved one leaving us prepares the mind for the pain that can be inflicted upon us. It creates a probability. That means it could happen, it means it’s a fear you have, and being such your mind protects your psyche in a way to allow you to feel the emotions of the event, even though the event never occurred.

13 reasons why felt like  th main charac like back in sec sch all i wanted was just to finish my olevels and go to poly so i can be a whole new person. someone who i wanted to be withouht anyone laughing at me

1au away from sol 1au measurement unit like light or smthing sol is latin from sun porbbaly it

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Im playing my online farming game and I hear "come on guys. Let's go. Time to quit playing around. Mom has people waiting -- like the whole world for our results"

Well it's been 7 hours since the last update and about 6 since they got that larger batch going

Chasity: the UV is doing better than i expected, I'm pleasantly surprised but it's also worse than i thought.

So she explains to me that it is easy to kill but it develops very quickly as it ages but its not harder to kill. Like a fine wine it goes down quick.

Chasity: mom you play too Much. So as it ages it does become slower to kill but it's not easier nor harder just longer.

Me: that's weird

Chasity: yep. We had several different people test it. And the results were all the same But it was milliseconds however we are spraying directly onto a a Petri dish, an antiseptic/antiviral/antibacterial that is prescription for lab use only and so in real life out in the air we don't know the actual results as far as in time - at this time. But we are only 12 hours into the testing phase -- first we had to confiscate the correct virus -- which we did about midnight last night but we didn't really want to test it unless there was an interest and to prove the "PRESIDENT" wrong is an interest. At least for us here in this lab. Because we Are scientist and not idiots. And so to find out how about air we have to spray it into a confined room we have here in the lab and it will show how fast it dies airborne or if it remains air borne past the allowable spray. So like is it just sprayed then falls like the one mom had created (on "accident" through George Bush) so its not airborne or does it remain air borne like the COVID and COVID-19. which once again if you have COVID-19 you cannot get COVID, I've tested it here in this lab they do not interact -- mom what do you call it? A one way window?

Me: yeah because i tried to explain the one way pathway but George Bush didn't understand... He doesn't understand that blood flows one direction through the body from left to right he just thinks the blood goes back and forth in the same blood tube. Like a two way street and so he argued with me and so i explained it as a one way and two way window and he was all "the only one getting arrested here is you. I've proved I'm not smart enough to do all this! Twice!! Just to you!" And he leaned over the table And whispered "And all my life to the secret service" he makes it fun to screw him over to make the perfect virus to kill aliens. To get them off our planet. But to keep humans safe!! And so yes one way mirror.

Chasity: oh that is too funny. That is all i wanted to hear you say, that hes dumb. Your memory is perfect!

Me: so how is the humidity going?

Chasity: sucks fast growing and not easy to kill. But! It does die in about 5 whole seconds and not milliseconds like the UV

Me: so people should feel safe to hang their clothes on the line?

Chasity: oh yeah! Exactly! But they should know the virus can spread in the sun and the UV aka sun won't kill them but it should be safe if it's not like apartment living and its in a private location. It would be better watched to dry in the sun with a fan on an extension cord in a barricaded outdoor place and if you hear someone cough while your clothes are outside you should spray Lysol for at least 2 seconds immediately directly onto the clothes. At least that's what I would do, stay outside with them listening for a cough or discreet spray from a hoodlum or terrorist which is the same now a days. While reading a book and catching some rays myself with sunscreen and sunglasses of course -- in the privacy of my own yard which is allowed even in Spain.

Wendy: so what is the safety? I'll answer that myself. Very very bad. The one mom had was very digital and not many were getting sick from just the Corona. This one however is very bad in just the way it makes any one everywhere very sick and the rate it multiplies. Mom waited too long to close the labs but she stopped one that was 10 times worse and presumed to kill within hours if not just a few days. Like 3 or 4 immediate death. This one now isn't designed to kill, its like mom's. But this one she stopped on Tuesday was like COVID But for every one. It was true Hell. Luckily JuJu pissed her off and she ordered it closed. Otherwise my dad would be dead and probably millions if not billions. They had the orders up,boxed and ready to ship, they just wanted to test on a human first -- my dad.

Long story short. JuJu was the test dummy..

Wendy: yeah! And he died in 4 short hours! My dad wouldn't even had time to get home and would died in his car on the road and it would looked like a generic car accident! So yeah fuck JuJu. I'll kick his ass.

Me: sounds like you did

Wendy: no that was you! Once you posted he committed suicide he knew it was a cover up Because you were just going to have him murdered so he just drank it on his own. That's what i saw.

Me: he hates women so much he committed suicide so that i couldn't have the honor of killing him. Well he only proved women are always right which has Always been my fight with him. Well we won in the end! Hoorah!

Wendy: like 17 people committed suicide that night!

Chasity: Mostly by poisons. They didn't wanna go to jail And wanted control over their own death.

Me: over all death. That's why we always tried to stop them but that was dam sneaky on JuJu

Chasity: he said it was an antidote mom so we didn't know what to do

Me: don't listen to the lab people. I said there is no cure.

Chasity: but for the Corona because we knew there was a new variant for the President of the United State's request because he's mad he is going to die of COVID. I told y'all we needed a human!

Me: well just kill any thing the Corona Variant 2 is mild

Chasity: just a wet cough. But dad got it worse than you so we we're kinda scared.

Me: well i got it at Allsups and I'm nearly over it. As long as i take cough medicine. And fever. Its less than the modern day cold and flu. Corona is literally a joy to have over regular sinus infections and bronchitis. Shit i been sick from that crap they've let loose on their labs. For months sick. This is a wonder virus. So nice to have compared to 2013 and 2014. There was no emergency anything but the cold medicine aisle was wiped out all kinds. People were sick and dying! This? I'm all sleep for awhile, cough take medicine and that's it.

Chasity: yeah well dad had it really bad i thought he was going to die

Me: but he was working out exercise and working and

Chasity: doing cardio and all. See dad? You should stay with mom. She would take care of you. Stay in bed and have chicken soup, a few push ups and repetitive weights and back to bed. You don't have to reply but I hope you're listening.

Brian: shit she takes care of me like I'm a beast! Don't touch me! Breathe over there! We will lay back to back so you know I'm here but no breathy stuff. You want sex? Die first So i don't catch what you got then come back to life after. She is funny tho. I don't mind her so much. That last time i was sick and she was with me i was all "i feel great let me go running!" Then i went back and begged her to never let me do that again!

Chasity: you wanted to die huh?

Brian: she put me in a cool bath and I fell asleep. And I woke up and she was adding hot water. Which made me sleep more. But she left me in there alone while I was asleep! She said I was too tall to drown unless she tried to kill me so she just stopped any one but the little girls from going in. But she covered me with a towel so they couldn't see my junk in the front. And i thought it was a blanket and I was all "oh she's so sweet to bring me a blankie. What the fuck! It's wet who did this to me?! Oh that water is hot. Ouch. Good thing I'm asleep that ain't me. I always turn my own water on. No girl would bathe me. Just ask JuJu Bee. Im too ugly but then again she tells,him she calls him that because bees only sting once and Then they die and she's been stung and she's just waiting for him to die and JuJu because there's no Jesus for what he's done and over all jujuBe candy is good for nothing with no nutrient value and he should shut his face or she's gonna kick it in. What a chick. Hand me that wet towel back I'm getting cold" and you know she told me "it's hot you can't tell the difference of the temperature and the towel is in your lap you never handed it out. But some things you see in your dreams are real. Your body just doesn't know it." And I seriously woke up and I shrieked "are you trying to burn me like in that book with the grandma? You're trying to burn my balls off?!?" And I heard all this laughter but I saw her face looking directly at me not at all amused but slightly sad and I got really scared "why are you such a nightmare?!?!" I seriously shrieked and i thought she would cry but she started to laugh and she got up from the edge of the tub and suddenly a rubber ducky started to float in the tub and I grabbed her arm and said "no babe look!! Did you turn into a duck?!?! No I'm grabbing your arm what am I thinking?!" And she looked down into my eyes real deep like she does and she says "you're real beautiful don't you know?" And i let go of her arm "go on go pee. But what is that laughing you have a tape recorder or something?" She said she wished because it wasn't funny then but she knew she would laugh later. Finally she told on them two, Annabelle and Declan because she adjusted the towel and I was getting ready to throw it out but she shrieked then "no!! You need it to cover up for the kids!" And I said "well where are they?" And she moved her head slightly to the left and motioned me to shh. So i pretended to be a sea monster with a pink towel over my waist and scared the dickens out of them both. Declan looked at me in horror and said I was no fun! Me! Me! Of all people. After i was nearly pissing in my tub talking in my sleep. Shit. I knew i said some bad stuff but all i could think was that it was about sex and murder. Luckily the words that came out were sober compared to what was in my head which was drunk with power.

Chasity: so you're seriously thinking it won't be so bad then? To live with mom then with me?

Brian: I mean well..yeah now JuJu is dead and so is a lot of other people it might be a possibility.

Chasity: because dad this is really important to me So don't mislead me.

Brian: well she's not So bad... She's just a lot of work!

Me: you are a lot of work. You want to treat me like a baby and do everything

Brian: No like you're a doll! But you talk back! Sheesh! A lot too I might add! That makes the work double because then i got to think!

Me: well you don't seem to listen too badly.

Brian: Oh wow! What a compliment! That is a compliment isn't it?!

Me: yeah

Wendy: im Peter Pan's wife do you remember me? Dad you need to grow up and get a wife. Quit being a bachelor. The look isn't good on you. Or on mom. Do you hear?

Brian: yeah i hear. I am listening.

Wendy: okay good. In conclusion of the virus growth we will get back to you tomorrow, general public. And dad we hope you grow over night just as Much. Mom's been typing just over an hour and no major changes to report but now we need to get the room ready and we will have that report tomorrow. Dad thanks for the talk. We always enjoy the Tales of the Man Dressed in a Pink Towel in the Bathtub.