Tumgik
#oh man this sounds like a breakup and she never even let me date her (which is actually a Very good thing in retrospect LMAO)
likehoneyandsilk · 1 year
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Graceful fingers danced across the strings of the harp. Aaliyah observed with curiosity as the harpist’s body descended into her craft. Shoulders rigid but hands-free. Long legs firmly encircled the instrument. Her eyes shut from the dimly lit restaurant draping her in gold. She had tuned out the entire world.  
Aaliyah’s dark brown eyes fixated on the harp, listening for every sound as the strings moved in patterns she did not comprehend. As her shoulders relaxed and her finger withdrew from the brim of her glass, the harpist stood up and took a bow. The dining hall burst into a roar of applause.
“Aaliyah?"
Suddenly, Aaliyah was back in the world. “Sorry Dash.” Aaliyah shook her head in shame, feeling idiotic for casting her focus on something other than the man who had arranged for an extraordinary meal. Aaliyah’s eyes found Dash’s own brown ones across the small table. He smiled reassuringly, reaching across to place a cordial hand over hers. She hesitated. 
His touch was unfamiliar. Aaliyah only truly knew one touch. Inscribed deep into her soul. It did not belong to this polite but foreign man before her. Dash withdrew, clearing his throat and bringing the glass of red wine to his lips. Grave silence fell between them as Aaliyah fidgeted with her cutlery.
She had been distracted the moment they stepped foot into the restaurant.“I’m starting to think you were never really interested in me.”
Oh gosh. Be soft, Aaliyah. He isn’t at fault. Dash observed the dazzling woman sitting across from him. Out of place. Back into the scene of harmless dates far too soon. Aaliyah paused, sipping on her wine for a few seconds attempting to collect her thoughts. However, there were not many. Her heart had been heavy for the past few months. This was her first date since the turmoil breakup. Her first date where the other man was not the one she had known to be her lover of six years.
Before Aaliyah could speak, she was stopped by Dash’s raised hand ushering the waiter over. “The cheque please.” Dash’s tone was solid yet kind. The young waiter looked between the two seated at his table, awkward and confused at their hasty departure. Aaliyah was parched. Her eyes located themselves on the bottle of wine before them, not even a quarter empty. She drew the glass towards her mouth again, swallowing a large amount of bitterness. The waiter nodded abruptly. “Of course sir, of course.” Aaliyah averted her gaze watching the boy disappear behind Dash. He became a lost figure within the exhibition of people smiling and laughing. Their eyes and mouths moved jovially, exchanging pleasantries with one another accompanied by divine meals and the most exquisite wine.
“Dash, listen I ...” Aaliyah’s words were cut short as the waiter emerged with their cheque. She reached for it abruptly. It’s the least I can do, she thought to herself. “No Aaliyah, please, let me.” Without a glance at the cheque, Dash retrieved a few bills, crisp and smooth, handing them to the young boy. “Thanks for your service, keep the tip.” The waiter thanked Dash before giving Aaliyah a gentle bow. “Dash I am so sorry.” she mustered sheepishly, her cheeks burning from embarrassment.
The remorse in Aaliyah’s tone was evident, her features rueful. It saddened her to watch Dash smile with a shake of his head. His hand brushed through his long dark hair, styled neatly. “Let’s talk outside.” Aaliyah pulled her coat around her.
Autumn nights in Cincinnati were always frigid. After leaving the doors of the warm restaurant, Aaliyah shuddered as the cold sank into her bare legs. The stars above them were bright, like specks of glitter littering the dark sky. Dash kept a hand at the small of her back, leading her towards the valet. The two men seemed to wear the identical expression of shock as their waiter. They both acknowledged Dash and Aaliyah with a nod, before parting for their respective vehicles. It had not been very long since they had arrived. A few sips of red wine were the only thing of consumption. The engine must still be warm.
Aaliyah pulled her coat tighter, hugging her purse against her stomach. Dash leaned against the wall giving her his full attention as he had all along. “I feel horrible.” Aaliyah was a broken record that was repeating the same sentence in paraphrases.
Dash studied her face for a few seconds. Taking in those big brown eyes, dark lashes, and those plump lips. “I know Aaliyah, but it isn’t easy to see past how distant you seem. I know it was only the first date, but it isn’t time.” Gosh, Dash, you’re perfect.
Perhaps it was the way Dash knew exactly what to say. Or that despite having gone on the shortest date of his life with a woman as distasteful as Aaliyah, he sympathized and saw through her. “You owe it to yourself, and all the other men to figure it out. Whatever that is, whoever he is.” Aaliyah felt the tears at the brim of her eyes, turning her head away from this man who accepted her without question. “You are absolutely wonderful Dash. I’m sorry for wasting your time tonight. You didn’t deserve this.”
Their cars appear before them and Aaliyah walked with Dash to his. In the sleek black BMW, she caught sight of them. She felt the tension in the air, tearing herself away from Dash as he reached into the backseat of his car. “For what it’s worth,” he stated, offering a bouquet of ruby red roses.
Aaliyah chuckled. “Dash,” she whispered, reaching for the bouquet. “Thank you.” Dash nodded with his easy smile. “Take care, Aaliyah.”
And Aaliyah watched as he drove away, farther and farther. And she wondered when she would feel ready. If there ever was a time known as ready for her?
. . .
This is ridiculous. This is shameful. It’s low. In every attempt to talk herself out of what she was about to get herself into, Aaliyah failed to succeed.
The front porch light was on. All the blinds shut. From her seat, Aaliyah could make out that the lights were on in the kitchen and living room. She wondered if the key taped underneath the doormat in the left upper corner was still there. It always had been.
Stop Aaliyah, stop!
Don’t do this. Please don’t do this.
Her mind said to turn back. Go back to your sad empty apartment. Take off the dress, wipe the makeup, and fall into your bed. Think about him as you try to sleep instead. But her heart propelled her further.
Without another thought, she parted her car, slamming the door behind her. She walked straight to the door. Past the dead hydrangeas Aaliyah remembered planting early Spring. The red, orange, and yellow leaves crunched beneath her heels. She felt dizzy on her way up the steps. A trembling finger pushed against the doorbell. The all-too-familiar sound tugged at her heartstrings. Her legs felt feeble. Her vision was blurry. She was gripping the roses against her chest. Their musky scent was intoxicating. I can’t do this.
And then he appeared. 
“Aaliyah?” The sound of his voice laced with confusion hung heavy between them. It was as if a ghost appeared. He was unable to believe she was here. Aaliyah was frozen trying to comprehend that the man before her was right before her. If she reached out her hand, she could run it down the material of his white shirt. Aaliyah could pull at it, force him to her. And she could hold him. Cry into him. Beg him to love her. Plead him to kiss her once again.
Make her feel all the things he had for six years.
“Aaliyah.” Her name rolled off his tongue like an addictive drug. It came out whispered this time. As if she would drift away. As if the sound of his voice, one she had tried to forget, would pull her into insanity. “What are you doing here?”
What am I doing here? What am I doing here Joe?
“I … I don’t know … I …” her speech felt weak. Aaliyah’s chest was heavy as if pulling her down to the ground. The air around her was hot. With all her strength, she tore her eyes away from his piercing blue ones, dropping her gaze to the ground to compose herself.
Joe hesitated and with a shaking hand softly enveloped his fingers around her wrist. The sudden contact was enough for Aaliyah to feel the void within her fill. She wondered if he could feel her radial pulse pounding against his digits. The gentle tug of her arm towards the door forced her eyes into his again.
It was effortless for Joe to get lost in them. Big and brown. Surrounded by long lashes. Tonight they gleamed like stars underneath the porch light. Glossy and timid. His features softened. Aaliyah felt the well-known solace of his cool and calm persona. He shifted on his feet, leading her through the door.
What are you doing Aaliyah!? What are we doing!?
The release of her wrist happened all too soon. She placed the bouquet of roses on the ottoman she had selected when they first moved in. Her coat slid from her arms, exposing herself as vulnerable yet brave. She unclasped her heels, pushing them aside. It was as if she was making herself at home.
She could hear his trembling breath as she came clear into vision. Joe ran his eyes from the top of her head to her toes. Aaliyah’s jet-black hair had grown longer since he last saw her. It was curled and surrounded her back and shoulders. Her lips were painted a mixture of red and pink. The silk black dress hugged every curve of her body. A body he knew on the back of his hand. Every dip, every curve, every soft spot, and every insecurity. It was Aaliyah, his achingly stunning Aaliyah. 
Their eyes met again. Those heavenly lips parted but sealed shut. Joe gestured for her to follow him up. It was odd to Aaliyah how one could live in a home for years, only to become a stranger within its walls. Every part of this house was hers. From the art, the furniture, and each appliance.
They had built this home together. And then she was gone. And it had become only his.
Aaliyah gulped upon entering the kitchen. Everything was the same. It was as she had left it. She remained at the doorway. Joe watched from behind the kitchen island as her eyes roamed the space before her. He observed the change in her demeanor. She was scared. He knew her inside out. He knew the look of panic in her eyes. The realization that perhaps she was not ready for what she had come for. The epiphany that she had no clue how to go about this.
Joe feared Aaliyah would turn and run. And that he would not be able to stop her. He pictured chasing after her. Pulling her into him. Holding onto her for dear life and letting her release herself against him in any which way. Any opportunity to tell her he loved her. That he hadn’t stopped thinking about her. Tell her the minute she walked out, the moment the front door slammed, that in that second everything once something had become absolutely nothing.
But to his relief, Aaliyah came closer. She stood on the opposite end. She permitted herself to properly look at him. Him. It’s him. Tall, broad, and handsome like always. It was obvious he was bigger, more built in the span of a few months. His hair was the perfect length, not too short or long. It appeared soft and silky underneath the lighting. His jaw was more defined, lined with the tiniest of scruff and a scar to the left. Likely from a game. His eyes were soft. Skin tinted golden. Patiently waiting for her to say something. Joe leaned slightly over the counter, his knuckles white from gripping the ends.
“I’m sorry I came.” Joe felt a chill down his spine. That voice. Her voice so timid and sweet. Her voice like honey. A voice with the power to soothe him and drive him wild. “To be honest …” her thoughts fell short as she let out a shaking breath. She hesitated, searching her head for the words. 
In silence, Joe watched her as she made her way to the wine cellar off the left kitchen wall. Her fingers danced over labels, settling for a bottle of red wine. As she neared, Joe studied her frame. Her dress was divine. The fabric falling over her effortlessly. Her fingers long and slender, nails painted a glossy red. The tattoo of a daisy she had gotten drunk in college on full display between the curves of her breasts. Joe sighed heavily, averting his gaze. Aaliyah proceeded to the cabinet with the wine glasses. She had organized this home. She knew where anything and everything was kept.
Filling two glasses halfway, she slid one across the counter. Joe observed her lips fold around the brim, the red liquid diving into her mouth. He watched the movement of her neck, which was bare. His heart twisted at the missing “9” necklace. With some liquid courage, and the slightest of adrenaline, Aaliyah’s eyes once again encountered his.
“I went on a date tonight. First one since.” Aaliyah paused, flailing her fingers between them, scoffing before she said bitterly, “I couldn’t even sit through it.” Joe shifted uneasily. Lips pressed into a firm line as his eyes darkened with jealousy. Any man would be honored to know the woman before him. Radiant, loving, and sincere. The mere thought of another man holding her, kissing her, and touching her in ways only he had made him distraught. She was no longer his. He had no right.
“How was it?” His tone was flat. He didn’t want to know. But he did. She chuckled dryly jerking her head back and forth. Joe took a long sip of wine, pursing his lips at the sharp taste. With only a few drops of liquid remaining, Joe moved to pour it down the drain, watching the dark red swirl before it vanished completely. Aaliyah watched the muscles of his back tense underneath his shirt. 
“I couldn’t sit through it. I didn’t want to.” And then they relaxed.
“And why is that?” His tone was firm, jealousy probing. Aaliyah felt her breath hitch. She wanted to flee. But Joe was taking slow yet purposeful steps in her direction and she couldn’t move. “Talk to me, Aaliyah. What brings you here?”
Joe now stood inches from her. His large hands rested against the granite countertop. From this proximity, Aaliyah could see clearly how gorgeous he was. “He took me to a nice restaurant. Bought me flowers. Purchased the best wine. But ...” Aaliyah felt the tears pooling in her eyes. Joe became blurry before her as a single tear fell down her cheek.
“It’s okay A, it's alright.” Joe’s voice was like butter. Soft and smooth, sending ripples of warmth through her body. Aaliyah was tense, as Joe carefully pulled her against him. Her arms felt weak, limping at her sides. The familiarity of his arms around her made Aaliyah’s stomach tingle. One hand was placed against the curvature of her back while the other became lost in her hair. They remained that way for a few minutes, a single tear falling from Joe’s eyes when Aaliyah’s arms wrapped around his torso. This feels wrong yet right, she thought.
Aaliyah was not naive. She understood this would end in one of two ways. It wasn’t fair to either of them for her to just walk back in a moment of heartbreak. He deserved better.
“Please don’t go.” Aaliyah’s body tightened against him in response to his words. I don’t want to, she thought. But the words just didn’t seem to come out. She felt him shuffle, directing her against the island. Her breath hitched in her throat when he released her. Her heart felt like it was about to explode from her chest when their eyes met again. “Baby please don’t go.” He whispered, pressing his forehead against hers.
He was so close. Their lashes barely touched, his breath warm against her lips. His jaw clenched as she brought her hand nervously against the right side of his face, tracing his scar. His large hands placed themselves firmly on the countertop as if trapping her. Aaliyah felt her throat constrict, and her chest tighten. Joe watched as the dark lips before him moved, brown eyes staring right through his soul.
“How do you give someone six years of your life and pretend that they don’t exist anymore?” The words fell from those lips dripping with curiosity.
Aaliyah wanted to reach for Joe when he pulled back, propelling himself off the counter, and straightening back to his normal level. She saw a flare of something in his eyes. The confusion, pain, and potential resentment brushed passed in a wave as his eyes appeared  two shades darker. He shook his head in disbelief, running a hand through his hair. “You don’t.”
His voice was loud. Assured. Powerful. Not to scare Aaliyah, but a reminder that she was responsible for his pain as he was for hers. “I didn’t, because not a day goes by where I don’t think of you. Not a morning passes when I wake up to realize the spot next to me in bed is empty. The door was always within your reach.”
The key.
“The moment you left, the moment I let you leave, everything changed.” What started as confidence now became a cry for help. A pleading of words that he had suppressed far too long. His biceps flexed as he pulled at the ends of his hair. 
“Nothing feels right. You’re embedded everywhere in this house. Every inch and corner is a reminder of you. Every time I come home I wonder if you’ll be here.”
Aaliyah stood motionless. Digesting all his words. Every change in his tone. She did not bother to ask why he hadn’t sought her. She understood him far too well. They had practically grown together. Aaliyah knew that once Joe felt someone was better off without him, he wouldn’t dare intrude.
Even if it destroyed him.
The silence was heavy. Aaliyah fiddled with the rings on her fingers, pulling at the elastic band around her wrist. Joe winced as the band slapped back and forth against her skin. She’d picked up the anxiety relief mechanism after they parted ways. When nights were long and days a drag. When all she could do was wallow in heartbreak. He watched Aaliyah now, examining the damage they had done. Cheeks red from the impact of his words. But her eyes said everything. She was sorry. She was afraid. She had felt lost without him too.
“All I’ve thought about is you, Joe.” He gulped. The muscles in his biceps relaxed. A wave of relief washed across his face. Aaliyah willed herself forward. With weary steps, she came closer and closer. His fingers slipped between hers. His thumb rubbed atop the spot of her hand that always seemed to calm her. She couldn’t play this game she’d begun of back and forth the minute she had arrived at the door. They didn’t deserve to spend whatever time they’d have in this moment treading on thin ice.
The exhale leaving Aaliyah’s body felt promising. Her lungs felt lighter. Despite her heart beating profusely against her chest, regardless of her dry mouth, she felt safe as she always had with him. “Joe.” She whispered, craning her neck upwards. She released her fingers from his hold, moving them to his muscular arms. He shuddered at her touch, the tips of her fingers running up and down his arms. Aaliyah had the effect of turning “Joe Cool” into a mess of a lustful  man desiring nothing but her. His eyes closed waiting for her to speak. Aliyah watched her effect on him. She grazed over those arms, playing him like a harp. “Dammit Aaliya, say something.” HIs voice was husky, lingering in the air as Aaliyah clenched her legs together.
“I keep searching for some sense of relief. I keep waiting for things to feel right.” Her voice was like liquor. Pulling him right back in and he couldn't resist. He had no wish to.
“I still love you, Joe.” His eyes opened then. Aaliyah’s eyes had darkened, her expression was sincere but reluctant of what he might say. They both knew something wrong had happened to cause the drift. They both knew that at some point they’d become outsiders to one another. Barely speaking. Scarcely touching. They knew there was a reason she had walked out the door that night when everything went to shambles.
But why did it hurt so bad? If this wasn’t meant to be, why couldn’t they move on? "Right person wrong time." It was the phrase they heard from numerous people. Skeptical of what may happen next, Aaliyah watched as Joe leaned towards her. Her arms curled around his neck. He dipped his head near her, quivering at the feeling of her fingers in his hair. For the first time in months, he felt at peace. His arms wrapped around her waist, lifting her with ease. Aaliyah pressed herself to him, her chest against his toned one. Her legs secured around him as if she’d fall. He was her harp. Their breathing fell into sync. Their heartbeats demanded to become one.
The cold of granite countertop seeped through the fabric of her dress. Joe’s forehead rested against her own, his hand raising her chin. “I love you A. I love you so fucking much.” A chill ran down Aaliyah’s spine. It’s all she longed to hear. His voice was delicate with a twinge of pleading. His fingers skimmed her lips.
Whatever happened tonight, whether she walked out the door or allowed herself to fall into him, she wasn’t sure what to do after. But he loved her. 
He loves me.
Aaliyah felt the tears forming in her eyes to the influence of his revelation, interwoven with the unclarity between them. “I love you,” he whispered again. Please keep saying it. His eyes requested permission in a way so caring as his lips approached hers. Her breath hitched in her throat. Aaliyah nodded slowly, hands trembling as her fingers danced through his hair. “You don’t need to have all the answers right now.” She nodded again, lashes fluttering against his skin. His mint breath was cool against her skin. “You tell me to stop and I will Aaliyah.” She didn’t say a word, but her demeanor and liberation against him, with those brown eyes imploring, was sufficient for him to press his lips against hers.
“Joe Cool” was even better at making a desiring, longing, and impatient mess of Aaliyah.
He was careful. As if Aaliyah were a glass that may shatter. Warmth radiated throughout her body. In perfect harmony, they fell into a rhythm. A reminder of what they had, a prospect of what could be redeemed. Never in six years had they kissed like this. A kiss sealed with relief, despair, worry, and hope. Aaliyah drew back breathlessly. Her body felt limp. She wanted to fall into him, tell him to heal her in all the ways he could. Her eyes closed as his digits ran up and down her arms. “Please” she whispered, guiding his hands up dress, where they rubbed warmth into her thighs. His large hands pressed into plush skin as her insides throbbed. Joe’s fingers teased, driving the end of her lace undergarment upwards ever so slightly. Aaliyah sighed into him, her nails grazing against the back of his shirt.
Outstretching her neck, Aaliyah gave Joe access to more of her. Joe placed butterfly kisses from her collarbone up to her jaw. Silky and beloved, peppering her skin with his mark. Aaliyah wriggled against him. The simplest of contact made her impatient. He breathed in the familiar aroma of her perfume and pulled back her hair to expose her tender spot. A moan fled her lips as his teeth dug into her skin. She shuddered against him, pushing herself nearer, legs encircling his torso hard. Aaliyah nodded quickly as his fingers lingered along the straps of her dress. “Aaliyah, I need you to say it.” His calloused hands ran down her arms forming butterflies in her stomach. “Yes.” She mumbled breathlessly, leaning back on her arms. "Yes."
He was delicate, so soft and gentle. Her lips found his again, more firmly against them. Aaliyah's breasts pressed into his chest as a sound released from the back of her throat when he bit her lip, granting his tongue access to hers. Unexpectedly he drew her onward, her feet landing on the ground. They parted, breathless and warm. Joe studied her rosy cheeks, lustful eyes, and throbbing lips. Her fingers laced with his, tugging him closer.
Aaliyah led them through the halls and ascended the stairs into what was once their bedroom. She halted at the sight of his suitcase. It’s Friday. He would depart for Pittsburgh tomorrow. She knew that. He and his team were the talk of the city. Aaliyah was aware of every move.
“I don’t leave till noon,” he said softly as if reading her mind. The back of her legs hit the bed as she spun to face him. She seemed to be nodding when at a loss for words. Aaliyah pulled him to her, willing him to steer her down. Towering over her, Joe watched as Aaliyah dipped into the white sheets, the mattress soaking her in. A wave of greed surged through her core as her head fell against a pillow. The ends of her digits fiddled with his shirt, pulling it over his head. His body was littered with bruises, likely from his most recent game. Aaliyah ran dainty fingers over each bruise, watching Joe tremble before her. He depressed softly against her hips, earning a moan of delight when he eased against her. Kissing her again from her neck, around her jaw, and her lips. Her back arched with every surge of impatience. “J ...” she dragged out, her voice barely audible.
He worked gradually with her dress. Achingly slow. Aaliyah withered impatiently beneath him. The silk slid down her skin, revealing dark lace adorning her most intimate spots. Aaliyah’s cheek flared as Joe's pupils dilated in desire. “My pretty pretty girl,” he muttered, aimlessly tracing the lining of the fabric around her breasts. 
Yes, I’m yours. 
Lowering himself yet again to press his lips to her, his hand roamed to her back, where the garment was unhinged. Aaliyah pulled back breathlessly, her breasts tender as the lace withdrew from her skin, disheveled whines pleading with him to touch her in ways she had missed. His lusting eyes searched hers for a split second before retreating. His lips fell to the daisy between her breasts. She grasped the sheets around, her nails digging into his flesh as he sank against her. His touches were delicate. His mouth traveled over every bit of skin.
And so the harmony of two souls began. He listened while she articulated beautiful sounds he had only heard while his lips lowered. Lower, lower, lower. Hands traveled and explored places of her body he knew in his sleep. His name slipped from her lips in ways he craved. Joe watched as Aaliyah unraveled before him. Aaliyah was relieved when Joe's lips moved past her navel, and she felt the lacy garment surrounding her core shift down her legs, exposing her entirety to someone who knew how to please, adore, and love her.
And then they became one. Slow and steady. Soothing and sweet. Every ounce of pleasure poured into one another. His hands gripped hers as she unleashed every trace of uncontainable desire. And she felt him disentangle against her. Pour his heart and soul into her.
. . .
When morning came, Joe awoke first. Sunlight crept in through the curtains. Next to him, Aaliyah lay peacefully in a deep sleep. Her head was secluded into the crook of his neck, their limbs entangled. Her dark hair settled behind her ears. Her lips were swollen from the collection of kisses shared overnight.
It was the first morning Joe woke up without the grim feeling of isolation. The first morning in which his heart felt whole. Harboring this moment because he did not know what the next hour entailed. The clock behind her read 10:45 AM. It was almost noon.
But he didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to say goodbye. He didn’t want to provide reason for Aaliyah to leave. He could not bear losing her as soon as he got her back.
Aaliyah stirred slightly, sensing the sun's warmth and the man laying next to her. She felt the shift on his end as his large arm wrapped around her waist, drawing her closer. His ocean eyes met her as she fluttered them open. Hair was disheveled from their antics. Recollections of last night became clear. Sounds of of his name and hers falling from respective lips. The efflux of desire and pleasure radiating through their bodies. The ease with which they knew how to satisfy the other.
This felt normal. This felt like the mornings she had missed. 
Normal was the feeling of love that remained between them. They had escaped the loneliness for a night. And challenged the deprivation of one another, sufficing with one night. Yet it was not enough. It would never be enough. 
Six years came down to this one morning.
“Aaliyah.” For the first time since they crossed paths, she saw the faintest smile on his lips. The ends of Aaliyah's lips curled upwards as her heavy hand brushed the sparse strands of hair from his forehead. “Aaliyah I have to go.” His whispers were shaky, hardly audible in the stillness of the bedroom. Her fingers traced along his forehead, around his eyes, the brim of his nose, brushing over his lips and jawline. A single tear fell from her eyes. “I know.” She whispered. “I know Burrow.”
Pulling from her with the heaviest heart, she watched his motions as he worked through the bedroom. When the shower began, she rolled over, wiping her tears. The bedside drawer was slightly ajar. Aimlessly going to push it back, Aaliyah hovered over it finding a little black box. Lifting it with unsteady fingers, and pulling open the lid, Aaliyah felt her body drain of life at the sight of the diamond ring.
She froze. A ring. The diamond sparkled. Pulling her eyes away, Aaliyah rummaged through the drawer discovering a photograph of herself. The colors had faded. She recognized her growing features, shorter hair, and a smile that seemed to have disappeared in the past few months. It was taken by Joe, from their earlier days of bliss when they first met in college.
She did not notice the numbers on the clock passing by nearing noon. And it wasn’t until the bed dipped next to her did she find the man bearing these belongings. Joe's eyes told stories she was unaware of for the past few months. The faint scruff was gone, the scent of his aftershave filling her senses. He had dressed for his departure, black pants with a grey shirt and leather jacket. His lips fell into a melancholy smile, clearing his throat before speaking. Aaliyah let his fingers grasp the box and photograph from her own.
The sun had brought a yellow glow into the room. Joe’s exposed skin was painted golden, his blue eyes electric. Aaliyah pulled her legs against her chest, gripping them in safety. “I never got to ask you.” He whispered, announcing it with fragility. Her heart broke into a million pieces once again.
“I’m sorry Joe.” Aaliyah sniffed, suddenly standing from the bed and rushing into the bathroom. When the door slammed shut behind her, Joe sat there, watching the minutes pass by on the clock.
Aaliyah pulled his shirt over her head. She stared at her bare body in the mirror. Her fingers scanned every love bite. Wrapping her hair into a bun, she guided herself to the shower, where she melted as the hot water burned her skin. Generously lathering his body wash over her skin as if preserving his scent.
Her mind raced when she found the room empty, his luggage no longer in view. The bed was stripped, her dress hanging on the wall on a hanger. Removing the towel from around her, Aaliyah hurried to dress. It was almost noon.
No. No, no, no, no, no. NO!
Rushing down the staircase, and through the hall, Aaliyah called his name, “Joe!?” Afraid she had missed him, till he appeared before her, catching her in his arms. “Oh god, oh my gosh, I thought you left.” she listened to the desperation and fear in her voice. Her eyes fell shut against his chest, breathing in all his scents. Running her fingers through the slightly wet hair at the nape of his neck. There was a knock at the door, a familiar voice of a teammate shouting his name.
Aaliyah was about to be alone again. All alone. “No,” she whispered, feeling his arms tighten around her. Her hair had fallen down her back, his fingers massaging the back of her scalp. His lips pressed against the top of her head. Another knock and then a ring. Joe murmured endearments to her. Bringing her with him to the door.
“Give me a minute!” Joe called out gravely. Aaliyah listened as the footsteps retreated. Pulling apart, Joe cupped her cheeks, wiping at a lone tear.
“I love you Aaliyah.” He smiled, eyes glossy before his lips pressed to hers with prominence. Aaliyah kissed back with distinction, whispering “I love you” numerous times frantically against his lips. They separated when the engine of the car outside was heard.
Time seemed to stop. Two lovers, hurt by one another. Standing in the foyer of the home they once called theirs. Six years of history. Over half a decade of Aaliyah and Joe. Joe and Aaliyah. The good, the bad. The lovely, the horrible. Aaliyah watched Joe’s jaw tense before he spoke words she was hoping to hear.
“Whatever you decide Aaliyah, whatever it is you want to do, I will always love you.”
All too quickly, Joe kissed Aaliyah perhaps one last time, and embraced her as if he would never hold her again. Before turning the knob, he caught one last glimpse of her. Bare-faced, those dreamy big brown eyes, luscious lips, and rosy cheeks.
Aaliyah. Forever and always his Aaliyah. 
Aaliyah leaned against the door frame as the door opened, exposing the outside world. Joe bent down, removing the key from underneath the mat. Without a word, he placed it in the palm of her hand.
It was his silent way of saying “Please don't go.” Her fingers ran once through her hair, her eyes closing as his lips pressed against her cheek.
She watched as he walked down the driveway. Farther and farther until he turned to her with the most painful smile. With all her might, she smiled in return, wiping her tears and sending him a small wave.
Joe watched her shut the door. Him on the outside. Her on the inside. He hoped to find her there Sunday night. He prayed they become one again.
Aaliyah slid down the door holding the key in her hand. Listening till the car could no longer be heard, she wiped another tear before turning to the ottoman. The roses were long gone, her coat hung on the rack. Her heels were placed on the shoe rack. She recognized Joe’s scribbles on a piece of paper pinned to the wall next to her coat.
Standing up she walked over pulling it off the wall. 
“Please stay.” Do I stay?
If it hurt so much to lose someone, why did it hurt to unite again?
Should I stay?
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looneyleyle · 4 months
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sweetcheeks ~ s. macher
synopsis: stu macher ended things with you exactly one year ago. so why oh why did you end up in front of his house tonight?
warnings: angstyish, lots of anger, scream-typical violence and gore
words: 1916
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morgan pov
"so that's it? done? just like that?" the man in front of me just shrugged, as if he wasn't standing there in a couples costume that he made us wear, as if we didn't just have a beautiful night of partying with our friends, as if we haven't been doing things together for the past seven months.
"like it was fun and all but it wasn't that serious y'know?" he told me, slumped against the wall, staring at the door out of my room. i couldn't believe him. my mind was going a thousand miles a minute. bullshit. absolute bullshit. and out of nowhere? i didn't know what to say. in response to my silence, he started walking towards the door, planting a kiss on my head as he walked by. as he reached the doorframe, i screamed at him.
"fuck you stu macher!" he held up for just one second, turning around.
"fuck you? i already have sweetcheeks." and with that, he walked down the hall and out of my house, and out of my life.
it's been almost exactly a year since then. he dated around, the most notable being casey becker and tatum riley. he started fooling around with casey merely two weeks after our breakup, solidifying the fact that i would never ever ever in a million years go back to that backstabbing little bitch.
"hey, morgan, did you hear the news?!" my friend, matthew, panted, having just ran to catch up with me.
"what news? did principal himbry finally get caught touching a kid?" i asked sarcastically. matthew grabbed me by my shoulders, stopping me from going any further.
"matthew, we have to get to class-"
"casey becker and steve orth were murdered last night." my eyes widened in shock.
"casey? and steve? what the hell?" i questioned, not able to process the information. looking around me, everyone else seemed to have the same shocked or worried faces. news vans were starting to pull up, interviewing students.
"do they know what happened?" i asked. matthew shook his head.
"found both of them with their guts pulled out of their bodies, casey hanging from a tree." he mumbled, resuming our walk to class.
"jesus" i gasped. he continued.
"they have no clue who it was, no suspects. everyone is spooked, pointing fingers at each other."
and that was indeed the case. anyone who had ever even looked at casey or steve was interviewed that day. i didn't know casey that well, but i had a few classes with steve over the years. naturally, i was interviewed, and when they realized that i had no motivation whatsoever to kill them and a solid alibi, they let me go back to english.
"that was so intense! they were all 'where were you between 9 and 11 pm last night'! i've never been questioned by the police before!!" matthew gushed.
"check yourself buddy, you sound like you're happy about all of this." i warned him as we passed by a few reporters.
"right, right, sorry." we kept walking, passing bitch face and his crew at the water fountain, his new girl all over him. in all honesty, i had no problems with tatum, she was nice enough, but she was associated with stu, which meant i hated her. i scoffed quietly as we approached them.
"you're not seriously still hung up on him, are you?" matthew asked quietly. matthew was never a fan of stu, claiming something was off about him.
"i'm not 'hung up on him', i'm mad that i ever let a jackass like him make me feel so shitty" i corrected him, glaring at stu. he looked at me, his face going completely blank. i just looked away, not letting him get to me. it's been almost a year, well, kind of. i had a few... relapses, lapses in judgement that i would never let anyone know about, especially not matthew. i had stopped it completely a few months ago, hating the way i'd feel afterwards. and of course, a couple nights after i stopped letting myself go back to him, he started dating tatum. it was all deja vu, it made me nauseous.
speaking of nauseous, that was exactly how i felt when i was invited to a party at stu's the following day.
"how idiotic can he be? throwing a party when there's a killer on the loose? i mean, hello, he may be stupid, but he's never been that stupid!" i ranted. matthew just sat there, burning a cd at my kitchen table.
"starting to sound like you care about him" he mumbled. i hit him lightly on the head, earning a yelp back. he finished up with the cd before packing everything up.
"look, i gotta get back home, curfew and all. whatever you do, don't go to that party. i know you, you're too nosy for your own good. sit on your couch and watch some tv until your parents get home, alright?" he lectured, heading to the door.
"yes dad" i replied, plopping down on the couch.
naturally, i left for the party about an hour later. i don't know why i did it, i wasn't friends with billy or sid or tatum or even randy after stu cut whatever we had short. i didn't know anyone that was going to be there besides the asshole of a host. i just couldn't get my mind off of it. plus, safety in numbers, right? no killer is gonna walk into a room of thirty teenagers and say, yeah, this is a good idea.
so, i drove over to stu's place. it was like muscle memory, and those weren't the only memories activated. every other second another memory flooded over me, from us blasting music to stargazing on the side of the road to some not-so-pg activities in the back of his car. i hadn't been up his road in exactly a year now, when i went to his house to get ready with our matching costumes. i swallowed the heavy lump in my throat, already seeing the line of cars leading towards the house. i parked and got out quickly, a bit paranoid with the killer. obviously he wouldn't come out and start slicing throats in a room of thirty people, but a girl walking alone on the side of the road? sounds like fair game to me. so, i picked up the pace until i was safely through the door of the macher residence. it was the same as it was a year ago, just now swarmed with a bunch of drunk teenagers. i went over to the living room to see randy and a group of people watching halloween. i stood behind the couch watching until i was forcibly yanked into the kitchen. i opened my mouth to scream, but a hand quickly clamped over it. i looked to see the angry eyes of stu macher.
"what the hell are you doing here sweetcheeks?" he asked, his voice strained, not trying to cause a commotion. the two girls talking in the kitchen, sensing the tension in the air, left us alone. i tried to wiggle out of his grip, but it only made him grip onto me harder.
"it's called free will dipshit."
"it's called you shouldn't be here." he continued, looking around frantically.
"what's the big deal? afraid tatum is gonna walk in on this?" i remarked, rolling my eyes.
"i don't give a shit about what she thinks." he said offhandedly, looking at the clock.
"shouldn't you care about what your girlfriend thinks." i spat. he stayed silent at that, looking back at me.
"you need to go. now. i didn't go through all of this trouble just for you to fuck it up." i nearly headbutted him. me? fuck something up? after all he did?
"you listen here, stu macher-"
"no, you listen here, morgan, i have done everything for the past year to make sure you would be safe. go to your car and speed home and don't look back. i'll explain everything tomorrow-"
"'to make sure i would be safe' what the hell are you going on about? what the fuck is going on?"
"i can't tell you."
"yes you can."
"sweetcheeks, you don't understand, i can't tell you."
"stop calling me that. tell me what's going on."
"if he tells you, he'll have to kill you" a voice chimed in from the doorway. we both looked over to see billy loomis, an amused smirk on his face.
"billy, not now." stu demanded. i was a bit taken aback, stu was never this serious, especially not to billy.
"no stu, go on, tell her what's about to happen? she'll know soon enough."
"shut up billy, she doesn't need to know." he growled. billy's smirk didn't fade, waltzing right up to me, stu moving to stand in between us.
"you wanna know why loverboy called it quits?"
"billy-"
"wanna know why he broke your heart out of nowhere and moved on just like that?"
"billy stop"
"he really did love you, even i was surprised when he told me it was over. makes sense now, he was just trying to protect you."
"billy shut the fuck up!" he yelled. my head was spinning, too much was going on.
"now that she's here, she can't escape her fate. you might as well just tell her. i'll be waiting outside." billy told stu, but it sounded more like a threat. when stu turned to look at me, he looked lost, like he was broken.
"stu, what's going on?" i asked softly, reaching out to grab his arm. tears brimmed his eyes, and he screamed "dammit!" as he hit the fridge. i rubbed my hand up and down his arm, something that would comfort him while we were seeing each other.
"i loved you. i love you. last year, billy had this crazy idea, and i just ran with it. but i didn't want you to get involved, i didn't want you to know about that part of my life. i knew that if this continued, he would try to loop you in somehow, i needed to make sure you were safe. so i broke it off between us, but it didn't even matter in the end, did it? he's just gonna kill you anyways." he spiraled, tears streaming down his face. my heart dropped.
"stu, what do you mean kill me?" i asked, already knowing my answer. he gave me a weak smile, tear stains streaked down his face, and the most terrifying words left his pretty lips.
"sweetcheeks, we're the killers. killed sid's mom last year, killed casey and steve, killed himbry, tonight was the finale. if you had just stayed away for one more day, i could've came back, i could've made it all up to you. we could have moved on like nothing ever happened, just you and me." i shook as i processed the information, stu wrapping me up in a hug.
"i won't let him do this to you." he cried into my hair, i hugged him back, my own tears starting to fall. and then, all of a sudden, the worst pain i had ever experienced dug into my back. i felt something slide out of my back, and when i looked up, stu was there, sobbing, holding a kitchen knife covered in my blood.
"i'm so sorry sweetcheeks." he whispered before stabbing me in the stomach.
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thatpunkmaximoff · 6 months
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[Book One of Four]
Story: 4 out of 5 Smut: 4 out of 5
Wow. Really, just wow.
Kage really went and fell for his mark, huh? Turned the vanilla, never gonna find love again woman into a woman who craved every dark tendency he showed her.
I loved the suspense and mystery of it all. And let’s not forget the humor. Gotta love Sloane and her worry for her best friend’s love life.
This book really kept me on the edge of my seat, wondering and waiting for the other shoe to drop. And boy did it drop. It kind of broke my heart a little too. I loved that Natalie got her answers and came to terms with her love for Kage. I really hope these two pop up in the other books. I need to know how Natalie takes to ruling by Kage’s side.
Now enjoy my rambling thoughts…
* That breakup 😂 How’s the dude gonna be pissed when he’s the one breaking up with her? Insecure much? 😂
* I want the hot pirate with big dick energy. Sounds hot lmao
* “Sorry, Princess. If you’re looking for a knight in shining armor, you’re looking in the wrong fucking place.” — well, now I’m interested.
* Kage doesn’t like to break beautiful things? Wtf was he sent to do to Natalie?!
* Scary Kage just saw Natalie in her wedding dress and said it doesn’t suit her 🤦🏻‍♀️ That she’s beautiful but it has nothing to do with the dress. My fucking heart can’t handle this man rn.
* “I need to kiss you.” // “No.” // “Then come sit on my lap and let me finger fuck you while I feed you dinner.” — HOLY SHIT 🥵😂
* Sheriff Douche wants a second chance and was manhandling Natalie? Oh hell no. Thank god for Kage.
* Holy shit. He was sent to kill her?!
* Natalie has some amazing self control. How did she not fuck him on that table?!?!
* Jesus… this man is intense.
* Holy hell this man can kiss lol. How is she not taking him to bed asap?!
* “I’ll have to make you fall in love with me before I tell you all my darkest secrets.” // “Oh yeah? Why’s that?” // “So you won’t leave me… even though you’ll want to.” — fuckkkkk.
* Second in command to the Russian mafia. Surprisingly, I’m not turned off lmao. He said he was not a good man 🤷🏻‍♀️
* Her orgasmic bliss would be ruined by gunfire. What a bunch of cock blocks.
* After everything she had him take her to bed. So much for going on two dates before giving it up 😂
* Jesus. He fucked the shit out of her. And she still doesn’t know he was sent to kill her. The angst is gonna be angsting. And if her missing fiancé pops up, I’m gonna be pissed.
* And now Kage has found the sex toy drawer. I can’t 😂
* I love that Natalie is going through a rebirth and it’s dark… 😏
* Holy shit… so the fiancé was killed? At least that’s how Kage made it seem. I hope so.
* “My life doesn’t belong to me, do you understand? I made a vow. I took an oath and sealed it with blood. The Bratva is my family. The Brotherhood is my life. And there’s no way out of it. Blood in, no out. Not ever. Not even for love.” — and now my heart is broken.
* Oh shit. His boss is in charge of who he married and it’ll never be Natalie because he was supposed to kill her 😬 This whole relationship is a clusterfuck.
* Yikes. Someone’s stalking Natalie and she thinks it’s her ex… but girl! You’re dating a Russian mobster. It’s definitely one of his enemies.
* I FUCKING CALLED IT! And now Kage’s boss knows Kage disobeyed him, and he put a hit out on both Natalie and Kage, and FUCKKKKK!
* Oh goddammit. The dead fiancé isn’t as dead as we all thought and his name isn’t even David! Wtf.
* Holy fuck. She went after the missing fiancé..? Kage is gonna go ballistic because she left him and isn’t answering his calls or texts.
* They made up. Oh thank god.
* Kage is the boss man now. Hot damn.
* She wants his babies and he wants her to marry him. Oh my god!!!!
* Lmfao. Of course Sloane would be kidnapped. She’s gonna fall for her kidnapper, isn’t she? 😂
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nadja-antipaxos · 1 year
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UNDER THE MISTLETOE
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Title:  under the mistletoe 
**Fandom: **Ted Lasso
**Pairing: **Ted Lasso x OFC
Summary: Ted catches a crush one of Rebecca's famous friends, so Rebecca invites her to a Christmas party.
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Swearing, drinking alcohol, kissing
Word Count: 3,501
AO3 
Ted settles down in his seat at the Garrick Theatre. He isn’t really sure how people are expected to dress for professional theatre anymore. He sees some people dressed to the nines and others in jeans. He’s glad he went with his trusty khakis. Beard sits down next to him as he takes in the thrum of a live audience.
“Mighty nice of Rebecca to let us tag along.”
“Yeah. Beats staying at home. Have you heard of this show?”
“No. Can’t say I have. Going in blind like those three mice.”
Rebecca and Keeley shuffle in.
“Ted! Beard! Thank you for coming.” Rebecca sits down next to Ted.
“Thank you for the invite.” Ted smiles.
The lights flicker signaling for everyone to quiet down. Ted hadn’t really looked into the show since the invite was so last minute. The only thing the playbill tells him is the title, so he’s excited to see what this is about. A blonde woman sits by herself at a table with a letter in her hand. Their seats are excellent because Ted can see the tears rolling down her face. She laments about someone leaving her and how she felt blindsided. The actress continues to move across the stage removing her wedding ring and wishing she had another chance to see why her husband left her. She has a beautiful singing voice. It sounds familiar, but he knows he’s never seen her before. The lights dim and suddenly a man rushes out on the stage. The music changes completely to something more upbeat with hints of The Fiddler on the Roof (which makes sense when the man explains how dating this woman will hurt his Jewish mother).  He’s very handsome with dark hair and green eyes. Full of charisma. Ted can see why they ended up together.
As the story goes on, Ted realizes they’re telling their stories from two different times. She’s the end to beginning and he’s beginning to end. It’s a fascinating way to tell a story and quite frankly, relationships do feel mixed up like that. Even though both of them are very talented, there’s just something captivating about the woman with her big blue eyes and small stature. Her voice is strong for being so tiny. It almost knocks him back when she roars at her husband for abandoning her on her birthday. Her love tries to cheer her up and give her some hope with a story about a tailor who gets to redo his entire life care of a magical clock. Her letter about her time away is very funny and the actress is absolutely enchanting when she details sharing a dressing room with a snake and missing Vietnamese food while stuck in Ohio. The first act ends with them singing onstage together and getting married.
Ted feels a hand on his shoulder at intermission.
“Oh, Ted. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know this was about a breakup.” Rebecca frowns.
Ted shakes his head.
“It’s okay. I’m not a famous author and Michelle’s not an up-and-coming actress. As far as I know.” He chuckles. “How ‘bout you?”
“I’m fine, thank you. It rings familiar, but I’m glad Rupert doesn’t have any creative talents or he would’ve been insufferable. You sure you’re okay, Ted?”
Ted nods. Keeley stands up so she can join the conversation.
“This actress, yeah? I’ve never seen her before, but she’s brilliant.”
“Great voice.” Beard turns towards them. He leans forward. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” Ted nods. “I never got a ‘Dear John’ letter, well, I ‘spose it’d be ‘Dear Ted’.”
Beard rests his hand under his chin knowing better than to press his oldest friend.
The show starts up again and apparently, after the wedding, the husband develops a wandering eye. He ends up being very successful while she struggles to make it as an actress. His shadow grows bigger and bigger while she shrinks into herself causing a lot of hatred to build up between them. She wants to share in his success but feels like a prop. He just wants his muse back.
Before, he was deflecting a bit, but now Ted can confidently say this story is nothing like his marriage.  Yes, he and Michelle had problems, but he’s never felt anywhere near this level of bitterness towards her. Their marriage just ran its course to its natural end. The actor gives a wonderfully tortured performance about how it pains him to be unfaithful, but he’s so resentful towards his wife he feels he has no other choice. The show ends with a gorgeous song where he sings goodbye to her and leaves the letter while she’s over the moon about their first date fantasizing about their life together. Ted gets to his feet immediately clapping his hands together. It really was a fantastic show.
“So, what’s next, Boss?” Ted asks.
Rebecca looks down at her phone for a moment waiting for something. She lifts a finger.
“Oh! Good! Come with me.”
Ted follows Rebecca backstage. He knows money opens a lot of doors, but he hadn’t expected this. He watches as Rebecca congratulates the actor on his show. The man (who goes by Jeremy) is very pleasant and gracious, but their conversation gets cut short at the sight of his wife and daughter.
“Becca!” The actress yells out before throwing her arms in the air. She’s actually American like her character.
“Natalie!” Rebecca smiles. “You blonde vision.”
“Ha ha.” The woman takes off the wig revealing dark brown hair. “Did you like the show?”
“Your West End debut was brilliant.” Rebecca gives her a hug before looking back at her friends. “This is Keeley Jones. Ted Lasso. And Beard. Everyone, this is Natalie Warren.”
“Thank you so much for coming.” Natalie waves.
“Absolutely. Quite a set of pipes you’ve got there.” Keeley smiles. “I’ve dated a Jamie that was quite a shit.”
“Oh, thank you.” Natalie flashes a smile so bright it makes Ted a little woozy. “Oh, fuck him then. You’re way better than that.”
“Fuck yeah, I am!” Keeley gives Natalie a high five before pulling her into a hug.“Um, Rebecca, where have you been keeping this gem?”
“She’s usually in the States acting her little arse off and heading up the US branch of Letters to Santa.”  Rebecca shrugs and Natalie mimics her.
Her eyes are deep blue like sapphires sparkling under the lights. Ted got so caught up in the story he didn’t realize just how pretty she is. High cheekbones and that smile. He’s never been starstruck before, but now is a good a time as any.
“That Jamie fella shoulda been a lot nicer to you.” Ted stuffs his hands in his pockets feeling too aware of his hands.
“Cathy would agree.” Natalie nods. “Oh, you’re the coach for Rebecca’s team, right?”
“Club,” Rebecca whispers.
Natalie rolls her eyes and looks back at Ted.
“Yes, I am, ma’am.” Ted winks. Wait, why did he wink? That was stupid.
“He rhymes.” Natalie raises her eyebrows.
“Don’t get him started.” Rebecca rolls her eyes.
“So your actual name is Beard?” Natalie turns to face him.
“Yes.” Beard nods and steps closer to her.
“Was that like crazy stressful when you were a kid and couldn’t grow facial hair?”
“You have no idea.” His brown eyes narrow.
“Were you ever scared you couldn’t live up to the name?” She wiggles her eyebrows in a way that makes Ted chuckle.
“Never.”
“Beard’s fearless.” Ted laughs. Suddenly, it hits him like a bus on Regina George. “Princess Cleo!”
Keeley, Beard, and Rebecca stare at him like he might be having a stroke, but Natalie just smiles.
“You’re in the movies about the royal foxes. You’re Princess Cleo.”
“Yes, I am!”
“My son Henry loves ‘em.”
“Is Henry back in the States?”
“Yeah. Kansas.”
“If you’re cool with it, I could say hi?”
Ted jiggles his head doing the math. It’s only 4 pm over there.
“If you don’t mind.”
“Nope.”
He calls Michelle who looks surprised at the call and the fact it’s FaceTime.
“Hey, Michelle. Sorry. I have a little something for Henry. Is he around?”
“Uh, yeah. Henry! It’s your dad!” Michelle hands over the phone and Henry appears on the screen.
“Hey, buddy. I just saw a musical and I think you know this little lady. Close your eyes.” Ted smiles. Natalie pops her head over his shoulder and Ted ignores the tingle from her breath on his neck.
“Greetings and good morrow, Henry of Kansas.” Natalie grins.
“Princess Cleo?” Henry’s eyes pop open. “Dad, that’s Princess Cleo!”
“I know, big guy. Her real name is Natalie and she’s a stupendous actress.”
“Wow. Mom, that’s Princess Cleo!”
“Hi!” Michelle comes back on screen. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too.”
“Is the next Royal Foxes coming out soon?”
“This summer. You gonna go see it?” Natalie asks.
“Yeah! I hope the King finds out she’s the archer.”
“I’m sworn to secrecy. You’ll just have to see. Now, do you remember this?” Natalie begins to sing the big song and snaps her fingers. She does a kick step and Henry mirrors her while singing along. He’s absolutely blown away. Ted’s touched at how kind she’s being to his boy. She must get this a lot.
“…So don’t stop!” Henry throws his arms out and tries to copy her spin.
“You’re amazing!” Natalie claps.”Listen, Henry, can I sign a picture for you and have your dad give it to you?”
“That would be so cool!! Thank you!” Henry bounces up and down.
“Awesome! It was really fun meeting you, Henry.” She gives him a small wave.
“You too, Princess Cleo.” Henry waves back wildly.
“She said her name was Natalie.” Michelle laughs.
“I wish I was as cool as Princess Cleo.” Natalie smiles.
“I don’t wanna keep any more of Miss Natalie’s time, so I’ll talk to you later, big guy, okay?”
“Bye, Dad! Bye Princess—Natalie. Goodbye!”
“Bye, Henry!”
Ted hangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket.
“You just made me Father of the Year right there. Thank you.”
“Oh, sure. Kids are the best fans.”
“Who are the worst?”
“Really old white men. They call me sweetie and pinch me.”
“Sounds like a real nightmare.” Ted shudders.
Before Natalie can answer, Rebecca steps between them.
“You’re a big star, Nat, so I’m certain you’re very busy.”
“Oh, yeah. Steaming my voice and watching Bake Off. More like you’re busy and you wanna go.”
Rebecca only smirks and flags down a tech person outside the dressing room.
“Pile in for a photo everyone and we’ll head out.”
Natalie and Keeley move to the center since they’re the same height. Rebecca goes on her other side. Ted and Beard flank them at the ends.
After the few photos, Rebecca hugs Natalie.
“You were wonderful, darling.” She kisses her cheek.
“Thank you, big sis.” Natalie steps back. “Ted…”
“Yes, ma’am?”
“I’ll give Rebecca the photo for Henry.”
“Thank you, truly.”
“Have a good night, you three. Thank you again for seeing the show. Nice meeting you!”
Ted gives her a small wave before walking out of her dressing room. His cheeks feel hot and he’s a little lightheaded. He isn’t too sure why, but it feels exhilarating.
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Almost a week later, Ted arrives at Rebecca’s house with Beard for a Christmas party in a hunter green sweater and his only Santa hat. It contrasts greatly with the button-up swirling in red and green Beard wears. He wasn’t sure what to bring since Rebecca is such a great hostess, so he brings a vegetable platter and Beard has a bottle of whisky. Rebecca looks absolutely stunning in a red jumpsuit with gold glittery accents that flatters her impressive figure. Roy, Keeley, and Nate are already there. Keeley has a green frilly dress on and Roy wears his usual black leather jacket and black jeans. Nate keeps things very business with a burgundy sweater vest.
“Shit.” A voice yelps from the hall.
Ted pops his head around to see Natalie Warren tangled up in her black wool coat and the coat tree.
“Lemme help ya.” Ted zips over to her.
“I have no fucking idea how this happened. Jesus, what a mess.”
“Here ya go.” His finger lifts the fabric free.
“Thank you.”
Her burgundy velvet dress swings with every step she makes. It matches perfectly with her cranberry lipstick. She looks striking. The party starts off with awkward chatting especially since everyone knows each other so well and Natalie only really knows Rebecca. She wasn’t able to make the party with all the famous friends because she had a show, so she was invited as a special guest to the AFC Richmond party. She clutches her mulled wine and politely smiles as Nate tells her about his new game plan for after the holidays. Ted catches her eye, remembering she didn’t seem very enthusiastic about football. She gives him a slight nod causing Keeley and Rebecca to exchange a look.
“We should play a game.” Rebecca announces. “But don’t worry there’s drinking. It’s trivia with a little bit of running around.”
“Seriously?” Natalie stares at her.
“Absolutely.” Rebecca nods.
She wobbles a bit when she slips out of her black heels. Ted offers his shoulder to give her balance and she smiles.
“Yanks versus Brits?” Keeley suggests.
“Fuck the metric system! Yay fractions!” Natalie throws her hands up.
“I love getting smashed, but what’s the prize?” Roy asks.
“Losers have to sing on my karaoke machine. The song that’s never been picked,” Rebecca answers.
“Cool.” Natalie shrugs.
For a kickoff, Natalie out chugs Nate and they get to go first. For half the game, they’re neck and neck which means they drink every other turn. To up the stakes, Rebecca decides the floor is lava and everyone has to find safe purchase on her furniture. Natalie hops up on the ottoman at the same time Ted does. Neither of them makes an attempt to move for the rest of the game even if that means Ted has to catch her a few times. Beard makes a great asset to their team and Natalie knows quite a bit about history. Ted tries to help with pop culture questions. It’s the final question. Natalie versus Roy.
“Explain the offside rule,” Keeley says.
“Like I fucking know. I am in theatre!” Natalie barks at Roy.
“It’s okay. Ted coaches fucking football for a living and doesn’t know what offside is.” Roy rolls his eyes.
“I don’t even know what the fuck you’re saying. Are those real words?”  Natalie giggles.
“Stop stalling and answer.” Keeley smiles.
“Um, like one dude is on the other team’s side? And it’s like a penalty?”
“Not quite.” Rebecca puts her thumb down.
“As any of you except Rebecca could hit a high C.” Natalie groans.
“It’s okay. You tried, darlin’.” Ted pats her on the shoulder and completely misses the explanation Roy gives.
“Thanks, Coach.” Natalie doesn’t move his hand.
“The Americans have lost the revolution.” Rebecca sighs with her hands up.
They all come down from the furniture. Ted extends his hand and assists Natalie back onto the floor when Rebecca wheels out her very professional-looking karaoke machine. She plugs into her impressive flat screen and cues up the song.
“Let’s see what we got, huh, team?” Ted says as the music starts. To share the microphone (because Rebecca can’t find the others), Natalie is sandwiched between Ted and Beard. A pop-reggae beat picks up. Ted exchanges a look with Beard whose face is unreadable.
“I don't mind spending some time just hanging here with you. 'Cause I don't find too many guys that treat me like you do.”
Beard begins to swing his hips and it becomes clear to everyone else that the three Americans actually know the song.
“Joke’s on you. It’s a fucking banger.” Natalie rolls her shoulders.
“It’s a good one, ain’t it, Coach?” Ted laughs.
“Best part coming up.” Beard agrees.
“I can make it nice or naughty. Be the devil and angel, too.” Natalie squats down to the floor and pops back up in a perfect slutdrop. Rebecca and Keeley cheer.
With the alcohol taking over, Beard spins her and she’s knocked back. Ted catches her under the arms and she bursts out laughing. He helps her back up and takes her hand in his dancing with the beat while they sing along. Beard gets really into it by the bridge and they share a glance.
“He always gives 100%.”
“Respect.”
The song ends and Rebecca yells out.
“Don’t move, you two!”
“Oi! Look up!” Keeley calls out.
His brow furrows as his eyes travel upward. They’re under the mistletoe because of course they are. Ted raises his eyebrows and Natalie shrugs her shoulders.
“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Everyone including Beard on the microphone chants.
Ted bends down practically in half because he’s almost a foot taller than her. Their lips meet in a quick peck. She breaks it almost immediately and Ted doesn’t blame her.
“Okay, photos, you fuckers.” Natalie calls out.  
They do one of the winners and one of the losers before everyone gets together.  Rebecca sets a timer on her phone. Ted lifts her up a bit so she’s not edged out of the photo since she doesn’t have shoes on and is one of the shortest besides Keeley who is latched onto Roy.
“Yes, perfect. Lend me your height, sir.”
As the drinks continue to flow, they all end up crowding around the single microphone for a very loud cover of Darlene Love’s “All Alone on Christmas.” Rebecca pulls Natalie into her as they sing lead for obvious reasons. Ted christens her with his Santa hat while he does a great air saxophone. Even Roy gets into it because “Who doesn’t fucking love Darlene Love?”
In the argument for the next song, Ted notices they’re down one member and finds Natalie in the hall grabbing her purse from the closet.
“You doing an Irish exit?”
“I think they call it a French exit here.”
“When in Rome.”
Ted watches as she puts on her scarf. He grabs the coat off the tree and holds it out for her to slip her arms into. She murmurs her thanks and fixes her lapels. He plucks the Santa hat from her head and puts it back on. She smiles wide.
“It’s kinda my thing, so Rebecca won’t be mad.”
“Your calling card, huh?”
“I hate goodbyes.”
“You waiting on a ride?”
“Yeah.”
“You mind if I keep you company?”
“Nope.”
“All right. I’m in like Flynn then.” He grabs his puffer jacket.
Nora laughs the same infectious laugh he’s heard all night. He follows her out onto the doorstep. It’s not so cold that they can’t wait under the moonlight comfortably. Snowflakes flurry down but don’t stick. It’s a beautiful night.
“I’m real sorry about that awkward kiss.”
“Yeah, me, too.” Natalie turns to face him and a smirk forms on her cranberry lips. That is some impressive lipstick because it has not budged the whole night. “When I thought about kissing you, it wasn’t in front of Rebecca and her guests."
His ears burn and the heat spreads down the back of his neck as he blushes.
“You thought about kissin’ me?”
Her big blue eyes travel up and down his body.
“And you haven’t? Don’t tell me I’m barking up the wrong tree.”
“No, right tree. Great tree. Great dog. I’m the dog not you. You’re—“
“Ted?”
“Yeah?”
“You wanna just kiss me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Ted leans down and covers her mouth with his. It’s a sweet simple kiss. She lingers on his lips unlike before and he tastes the cinnamon from the mulled wine. Her perfect teeth nip on his lower lip and he gasps. His hand snakes around her waist pushing her closer as their tongues meet.  She takes his face in her hands bringing him even closer. They break apart for air and he rests his forehead on hers panting heavily.
“Call the Daily Planet cause there’s a new…”
She just stares up at him, waiting.
“Nope. Nothing. Can I kiss you again?”
“Please, Ted.”
His large hand slips inside her coat as he crushes the red velvet against his fingers. Her nails rake down the back of his neck making him moan. She might be the most skilled kisser he has ever had the pleasure of kissing. A horn honks causing them to jump apart. She laughs and shuffles down the stairs. She takes one look back.
“Merry Christmas, Ted Lasso.”
“Merry Christmas, Miss Warren.”
Ted watches as she gets in the car and slips his hands in his jacket pockets. His brow furrows as his fingers rub over something that wasn’t there before. He pulls out a card. It’s Natalie’s business card. Ted laughs. Hmm…he wonders if she has a date to Rebecca’s New Year’s Eve party.
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baccan0pe · 3 years
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tchallasbabymama · 3 years
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Don't Forget About Us
Hello, my lovelies. Here’s my contribution to @nahimjustfeelingit-writes smut challenge (the prompt is in bold!) Let’s see what Erik’s up to now, shall we?
Don’t forget to check out my masterlist to read my other stories and oneshots. Your comments and reblogs mean the world to me, so make sure to let me know what you think! And let me know if you want to be tagged in any of my writing. Enjoy😘
Word count: 5,595
CW: smut...duh.
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“So, what do you do for a living?”
Kayla sighed internally at the question and took a sip of her Pinot Grigio. She hated first dates with a burning passion, but unfortunately, that was the only way to find a man around here. She went through the motions of politely answering his questions, barely asking any of her own. She didn’t care. Even just fifteen minutes in, Kayla could tell he didn’t excite her, and she lamented the waste of a good outfit as she listened to him drone on about his life. Every now and then, he’d stop and ask a question about her, but she could tell he was only asking so he could talk more about himself.
How many siblings do you have?
What’s your sign?
Why did your last relationship end?
Her mind traveled to her ex-boyfriend, Erik Stevens. They had spent six blissful years together, and Kayla thought he was the one. She wanted them to get married and start a family, and she thought he did, too, but every time she brought it up, he’d find some excuse to change the subject. At thirty years old, Kayla wasn’t getting any younger, so she grew tired of his avoidance and eventually cut him loose. She needed more out of life, but the guy currently sitting across from her certainly wasn’t it.
“We wanted different things,” she answered vaguely and took another sip. It would be a long night with what’s-his-name. David? Devon? Whatever. At least he had money and took her to a nice restaurant.
Darryl took the opportunity to bore her with the details of his job, which Kayla already knew. He was a colleague of her best friend, Carina’s husband. They worked at the same law firm, and Carina decided to hook them up after tiring of hearing Kayla complain about dating apps. As much as Kayla hated Tinder, she would’ve much rather been at home on her couch swiping left on the cesspool of single men Oakland had to offer. Every few dozen swipes or so, she’d find a cutie, but his bio would be abysmal, or his conversation skills would fall flat.
Despite the fact that their relationship just couldn’t make it, Kayla still thought of Erik as the gold standard. Just thinking about his dimples and his struggle beard made her smile dreamily. His big, strong arms would wrap around her and hold her tight at night, and she’d trace her fingers over the intentionally placed keloid scars that held his darkest secrets. She missed retwisting his locs and the way he always smelled like sandalwood and warm vanilla. Kayla didn’t want to admit it, but she still loved him. No man could compare to her Erik.
“Hello? Kayla?”
“Huh? Oh, sorry. Can you repeat that last part?”
“Uh, yeah, sure. What’s got you so distracted, babygirl?”
Kayla fought the bile rising in her throat. She wasn’t his babygirl. It didn’t even sound right coming from his mouth. Maybe it was the thinness of his lips. They weren’t “white man” thin, but they couldn’t hold a candle to the juicy pussy pleasers she had grown accustomed to.
“Nothing, just thought I saw somebody I know. You were saying?”
“Just that you look beautiful tonight,” Damon attempted to flirt with her.
Kayla wanted to roll her eyes but thanked him instead and smiled politely again. Of course she looked beautiful; she had pulled out all the stops for what she had hoped would be a good night out. Kayla had squeezed her thickness into a lavender satin dress. The way the dress’s skirt cinched on the side kept it snug around her plush waist, but the high slit that traveled up her thigh was the main attraction. The strappy silver heels on her feet showed off her matching pedicure that contrasted beautifully with her glistening brown skin, and her makeup was flawless. Her outerwear for the night, a cropped fur jacket that had found its way to the coat check when they arrived, was the icing on the cake. Her outfit deserved the appreciation, just not from Deshawn.
The waiter saved her from having to focus on her date when she brought out the food they had ordered. Since Kayla knew Derek had money, she had ordered the whole lobster, and she fought her mouth from drooling too much as the waiter set it down in front of her. It laid on a bed of forbidden rice, and the side of roasted brussels sprouts and cremini mushrooms looked heavenly. The ramekin of drawn butter off to the side tempted her as it sat next to the minuscule seafood fork. She may not enjoy her company for the evening, but Kayla damn sure was going to enjoy her meal.
“Looks good,” Dominic called from the other side of the table, breaking Kayla from her trance as he cut into his wagyu beef.
“Sure does.” Kayla wasted no time before digging into her meal. Not only was it the perfect excuse to avoid conversation, but it was perfect, period.
A slight chill permeated the air as the door swung open and the crisp January air entered the small restaurant. Kayla shivered as she complained internally about being forced to sit near the door, but that shiver intensified as she heard a voice. His voice.
“Reservation for Stevens, please.”
Kayla stilled.
“Of course. Right this way, sir,” the maitre d’ responded, and Kayla heard three sets of footsteps coming her way.
--------
“Babe, let’s go!”
“Yell at me one more time, woman,” Erik warned as he came around the corner into the living room, fastening his watch.
“I swear, you take more time getting ready than I do.”
“Whatever, Mo. You ready?”
“Nigga, I been ready!”
Erik rolled his eyes and grabbed his keys. It would be a rough night, and things were already starting off on a bad foot. He and Monique had been seeing each other for the better part of a year, and he’d finally reached his limit. She was overbearing, rude, and just after him for his money, but he hated being alone, so he put up with her bullshit. His cousin, T’Challa, had tried to hook him up with a few ladies back in Wakanda when he went to visit after his breakup, but nothing stuck. Almost immediately after coming back to the states, Erik met Monique at a charity event for the Outreach Center. She had the singing voice of an angel and had been booked as the entertainment for the evening. Erik was drawn to her like a sailor to a siren, and she immediately sank her teeth into him. Past her vocal talents, Monique wasn’t really anything special. Her personality left a lot to be desired, she wasn’t the sharpest crayon in the box, and she just wasn’t her.
The moment Kayla ended their relationship a year ago, Erik’s whole world shattered. He had lived a life full of pain and loss, but Kayla had been his lifeline. She pulled him out of the dark and made him revel in the sunshine. Hell, she was the sunshine, but now he had settled for a UV lamp at best. Kayla had wanted a life that Erik was too scared to give her, but that fear became his downfall. He still missed her most nights. He was lonely, and Monique was there to keep him company, but that wasn’t enough for him anymore. Erik craved a connection that Monique just couldn’t provide. So he decided he had to break it off and figured that doing so in a public place would probably be best. She had a tendency to throw things when she got angry.
The car ride to Chez Martine was tense. Monique had been angry all day because Erik had taken back his credit card even though she wanted to buy a new dress for their date. Her lousy mood almost made him dump her back at his condo, but Erik kept a cool head and stayed focused on the plan. He ignored the way Monique complained the entire time she got ready, reluctantly putting on a dress he had seen her wear before. It didn’t matter to him; he knew what the night held.
When they walked into the restaurant, Erik’s heart dropped into his stomach. He’d recognize that shoulder blade tattoo anywhere. She had cut off all her hair and lost a few pounds, but he knew for sure that he was looking at Kayla. His Kayla. He forced himself to look straight ahead as they passed her table and prayed that the maitre d’ didn’t sit them where she could see him. Unfortunately, he had no such luck because the only open table for two was directly within her line of sight. He prayed again that Monique would sit on the far side of the table, but Bast ignored his pleas once more. He had to sit facing her, and as soon as he got comfortable in his chair, her gaze slyly trailed over to him. They locked eyes across the room, and Erik’s heart stopped. She was just as beautiful as the last time he saw her all those months ago, but who the fuck was that sitting across from her?
“What are you looking at?” Monique’s abrasive voice cut through his eardrums.
“Nothing. Just thought I saw someone I know, that’s all.”
She cut her eyes at him and turned around to look as he buried his face in the menu.
“Quit being nosy,” he complained.
“I just wanna see who’s got your attention, that’s all.” Monique turned back around with a sour look on her face. “It’s probably that fat girl with her cleavage all out.”
“Mo, just look at the fucking menu and act like you got some sense.”
“Fine.”
Monique pouted until the waiter showed up, but she plastered a fake smile on her face as he took their order. As usual, she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, and it bothered him to no end that she was hellbent on spending all of his money. Of course, he had plenty, but she felt entitled to it. Kayla never cared about him being rich. Hell, when they got together, she didn’t even know he was a prince, but he loved to spoil her nonetheless. He loved the look on her face when he’d buy her things or take her on the expensive trips that she more than deserved. Kayla appreciated everything he did for her with all her heart, but she’d say the same thing every time.
“Thank you, baby, but you’re all I need.”
Erik smiled fondly at the memory of when he bought her a diamond tennis bracelet from Wakanda for their second anniversary. She was so excited to have diamonds that weren’t marred by exploited labor that she damn near dropped the box when she saw what was inside. It had been a rough year for them, what with him disappearing for a couple of months to seize the Wakandan throne and all. She certainly had plenty of colorful words for him when he came back. He’ll never forget the look on her face when he showed up at her door. He had brought T’Challa for backup just in case, but she looked right past the king as tears welled up in her eyes at seeing her Erik, alive and well.
Erik’s eyes started to get misty as he thought about the way she kissed him with so much emotion...then slapped him across the face for leaving. His gaze wandered back over to Kayla and he noticed the light bounce off of something on her arm. She was wearing the bracelet.
As if she felt his glare, Kayla shifted uncomfortably in her seat, so he averted his eyes back to Monique, who had caught him staring again.
“Why don’t you go say hi?” she asked sarcastically, making him roll his eyes so hard they almost got stuck.
--------
Erik Stevens. Here, of all places. He just had to be here.
Kayla noticed that he didn’t seem to be enjoying his modelesque date’s company any more than she was enjoying Darwin’s, and the pang of jealousy she felt at seeing him with another woman went away. She knew she had no right to feel any kind of way about it, especially since she was the one that broke things off. That didn’t make it any easier, though.
Dylan was too wrapped up in his steak to notice her wandering eye, but it seemed that Erik’s food was as uninteresting as the woman across from him. Kayla watched as he half-heartedly pushed it around his plate, but he certainly kept his favorite whiskey coming. She wanted to chuckle but didn’t want Daniel to think he had anything to do with her levity. They were both drowning their dissatisfactions in their alcohols of choice, and Kayla got a phantom taste of Uncle Nearest 1856 on her lips as she watched him take a sip. When he set the glass down and licked his lips, Kayla felt flush. She missed those lips…
“So, how about dessert?” Damien asked as he leaned back in his chair and rubbed his stomach. “I hear their creme brulee is amazing.”
“Uh, sure, why not?”
“You know,” he began as he leaned in and reached for her hands. She allowed him to take them, but the softness of his hands disgusted her. No callouses, no roughness, not even a firm grip. “I’ve had a great night. I’d love to see you again.”
Kayla chuckled nervously, unsure of how to proceed.
“What are you doing next-”
“Are you fucking kidding me?!”
A shrill voice pierced the air as Erik’s date bolted up from her seat. Desmond, and the whole restaurant, turned around to see what was going on, and Kayla took the opportunity to remove her hands from his.
“Keep your voice down,” Erik sneered through his teeth. “We’re in public.”
“So?! You bring me out here just to dump me? To dump this?!” she gestured at her slim figure, and he rolled his eyes.
“You ain’t even all that,” he waved her off. He was tired of playing nice, and Kayla could see the exasperation written all over his face.
“Excuse me, miss-” the waiter attempted to calm her down, but the crazed woman cut him off.
“Stay out of this!”
“I’m so sorry,” Erik mouthed to the poor man who would absolutely be getting a monstrous tip later.
“Oh, you’re sorry for him, but not for me?”
“Mo, just sit down. We can finish our meal like adults-”
“Fuck you, Erik.” She threw her dirty martini at him, soaking the front of his all-black ensemble.
Kayla could damn near see the steam coming out of his ears as his apparent ex stormed out of the restaurant. Erik locked eyes with her across the room, and when he saw the concern written all over her face, his softened.
“Whew, poor fella,” Dexter commented as he turned back around. “Where was I? Oh-”
“Excuse me, where’s your restroom?” Kayla interrupted him as their waiter walked by.
“Right down there.” She pointed at a set of stairs off to the side, and Kayla thanked her as she slid out of her seat.
“I’ll be back, Darius.”
“It’s Denzel.” He deflated.
“Fuck,” she froze. She had been sure it was Darius. “Still, I’ll be back.”
“I’ll be here,” he responded, obviously upset by her slip-up.
Kayla hurried off down the stairs and leaned against the wall as she waited for either of the single-use restrooms to open up. She took a deep breath and opened her clutch, reaching in to pull out her phone with a shaky hand and typing in his number. It was one of the few she had memorized, just in case.
“You ok?”
Her thumb hovered over the send button, but she couldn’t press it. Her heart nearly thumped out of her chest at the thought of starting a conversation with him, but something within her said that she should. It would be weird not to say anything after all that, right?
“Hey-”
“Shit!” Kayla dropped her phone when his silky baritone graced her ears.
“My fault, ma.” Erik leaned over and picked the phone off the floor, checking it for cracks. He saw she had typed a message out to him and smirked before handing it back to her.
“T-thanks.”
“No problem. And, yeah, I’m ok.”
“Huh?”
Erik pointed at her phone screen.
“Oh! Right. Um, well, that’s good to hear.” Kayla attempted to push her hair behind her ear out of habit, forgetting she had just cut it all off a week ago.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“You ok? You don’t seem to into ole dude out there.”
Kayla sighed and rolled her eyes, “Oh, him.”
“Damn, it’s like that?” Erik laughed, and she slapped his arm. That slight contact was enough to spark a flame in them both, and Erik’s face turned serious. “For real, though, not going well?”
“Better than you, it seems,” she quipped as she eyed his wet shirt. That was a bad idea because his first three buttons were undone, and she caught a peek of the raised scars that she missed so much. And that broad chest, and the chain with his father’s ring that he always wore. He’d let her wear it from time to time, and she always felt like it was such an honor. He trusted her enough to let her wear it. He loved her enough to-
Kayla pried her eyes away and made yet another mistake: she looked up at him. Those eyes still looked like sweet, sweet molasses, and even though his locs were braided back, she could tell he was letting them grow out. She momentarily wondered who was retwisting them nowadays, but her train of thought was cut short by the scent of sandalwood and vanilla. Kayla’s mind went blank as she inhaled slowly.
“Heh, yeah. That was...that was pretty embarrassing. Not even gonna lie.” Erik looked away shyly, unable to hold her gaze.
“I guess you’ll need to find a new date spot, huh?”
“Nah, I think I’m good on dating for a while.”
“Same,” Kayla sighed. “Dating sucks.”
“Yeah…”
One of the bathroom doors unlocked, and a middle-aged white man stepped out and passed them on the way up the stairs.
“Well, I should-”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
Kayla walked towards the bathroom, but before she could reach the door, she felt a light tug on her wrist. His touch still gave her goosebumps, and he noticed her raised skin as she turned to face him.
“I just, uh...it was nice seeing you, Kay-kay.” Erik smiled at her, and she nearly melted. She missed when he called her that, too. “You look good.”
“Thanks, E.” She smiled back. “So do you.”
He let her go, and Kayla disappeared into the bathroom. When she closed the door behind her, she took a deep breath to center herself. After all these months, Erik still took her breath away. He clouded her senses and scrambled her mind. Even as she took care of business, her brain replayed their short interaction on a loop.
Kayla locked eyes with her reflection as she dried her hands. How could she go back up there to- what’s his name? Oh, yeah, Da- Denzel. That’s it, Denzel. How could she go back up there to his mediocre company when the man she still loved had made her feel so alive with just one touch. That was the magic of Erik, his magnetism. When they were together, she couldn’t help but be drawn to him, even when she wanted to slap him across his beautiful face. Those were some of the best times, though. If she was angry at him, he knew exactly what to do to calm her down. To put her in her place. To remind her-
Kayla’s daydreaming was cut short by a knock at the door.
“Occupied!”
It came again.
“I’ll be out in a minute!”
She reached for another paper towel to dab off the sweat that had started to pool on her skin at the thought of Erik’s dominance when the door opened.
“What the f- Erik?!”
He pushed inside the bathroom and locked the door behind him.
“You need to start locking doors, Kay.”
“I- what do you want?”
“I want to talk to you,” he spoke as he moved closer to her.
“Here?!”
“Yeah, here,” he chuckled.
Kayla rolled her eyes and tried to push past him.
“Now is not the time or place-”
“When is?” he blocked her exit, and she crossed her arms in defeat, looking up at him through her lashes as she leaned against the sink. “Look, I just need to say something real quick.”
“Fine,” Kayla sighed and gestured for him to continue. She knew there was no use fighting him. She wasn’t leaving that bathroom until he was good and ready.
“Kay,” his voice softened, and she looked away only to have her face pulled back in his direction. “Kay-kay, look at me.”
She made the mistake of doing just that, getting lost in his eyes again.
“I miss you,” Erik murmured.
“Erik-”
“Look, I know, ok? I know. And I’m sorry, Kay. I really am- no, look at me. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you...but I miss you, girl.”
Kayla’s eyes welled up with tears that she tried her hardest to blink away, but one had the nerve to fall. Erik wiped it away, and the next one, and the next one. A sob wracked Kayla’s body, and he wrapped his arms around her body.
“Don’t cry, babygirl. I know you worked hard on your makeup.”
Kayla laughed through her tears, but the emotions washed back over her, and she buried her face into his chest. It was already soaked with gin, so what harm would a few tears do?
He held her and rocked her softly from side to side as she cried, and after a couple of minutes, she found the will to look up at him again. His cheeks were wet, so she reached up and swiped her thumbs over them as she held his face in her small hands. He nuzzled into them and kissed her wrists.
“I miss you, too, E,” she croaked.
“I know, babygirl.”
He leaned in to kiss her forehead, and she closed her eyes as his soft lips caressed her skin. They stayed intertwined for who knows how long until Erik felt Kayla begin to pull back. He looked down at her, and the two of them locked eyes. Before they knew it, their lips had met in the middle in a passionate embrace. They got lost in each other for a moment until common sense returned to Kayla, and she pushed him off.
“We can’t-”
“Why not?”
“Because…”
“Because what, Kay?” Erik’s voice rumbled as he closed what little gap was between their bodies. He left soft kisses on her temples before working down to her cheeks, then her jawline, and eventually the column of her neck. She let out a soft whimper when his teeth grazed the crook of her neck but pushed him back again before he could continue any further.
“Erik, I...I still love you, and-”
He attacked her lips with his, hands feverishly gripping her waist as he pushed her further into the sink. She had nowhere to go, and she was ok with that.
“I...love you...too...babygirl,” he whispered between kisses.
Kayla’s mind went blank as he lifted her up on the counter and pressed himself between her legs. She could feel him, all of him, and damn did she miss that monster between his legs.
“Erik,” she moaned as he nipped at her earlobe. He still knew how to play her body like a violin.
“Mmm, say it again.”
“Erik!” she squeaked as she felt his strong hands grip her thighs.
“Just like that,” he groaned, and she flooded her already wet panties.
“Baby-”
He connected his forehead to hers and stared deep into her eyes. “You miss me?”
“Mhm,” Kayla nodded with her lip between her teeth.
“I miss you, too, baby. I think about you all the time. Every day,” he pecked her lips, “every night. I miss everything about you, Kay-kay. Your off-key singing, your horrible cooking-”
“Shut up,” Kayla giggled as his hands traveled up her dress.
“Your body…fuck I miss this body. I miss how you smell, how you taste...how that tight little pussy feels wrapped around my dick.”
Kayla widened her legs for him as his fingers found their way to the seat of her panties, stroking up and down her slit. Erik kissed his way back down her face and over to her ear, his warm breath sending chills down her spine.
“Do you think about me when you touch yourself? Because I do. You’re all I see when I stroke my dick...wishing it was your hand...your lips...this fucking pussy.”
Erik pushed her panties to the side, and his nimble fingers circled her clit. Kayla let out a small moan that was music to his ears, making fingers move faster and her breath grow shallower with each rotation.
“Answer me.”
“Mhm.”
“Come on, babygirl, you can do better than that. You think about me when you play in your pussy? This pussy right here?” he asked as he slapped her vulva, her wetness sticking to his hand.
“Y-yes, baby-”
“Uh-uh, you know who I am. Say it,” Erik commanded as he snuck three fingers inside her wetness, making her moan loudly in his ear. “Shhh, you gotta be quiet, babygirl. You don’t want people out there knowing how much of a slut you are, right?”
Kayla shook her head no.
“That’s what I thought. Now, I asked you a question, Kayla,” he reminded her. His gruff voice made her weak, and the fingers that were steadily speeding up inside her certainly didn’t help. “Answer me. Who am I, babygirl?”
Kayla tried to hold out as much as she could. She didn’t want to say it, too proud to give in, but the way he was currently stretching out her pussy and curling his fingers inside her made her cling to his shoulders. The bastard knew what he was doing, and she didn’t want to let him win. But then, he played dirty and bit down on her neck. She cried out, and when he pulled back to look at her, the ferocity in his eyes drove her up the wall.
“I said, who the fuck am I, Kayla?” Erik growled. His hand sped up, making her weak with every thrust. She couldn’t hold it anymore and came undone around him, her mouth betraying her as his name fell from her lips.
“Daddy!” she gasped as her pussy spasmed, and he chuckled darkly.
“Damn right I am,” he kissed her lips, “now gimme that pussy. Daddy missed his pussy.”
Kayla heard a rip and felt the cool air between her legs as he tore through her panties to get to her treasure trove. She reached down between them and grabbed his clothed erection in her hand, making him groan as he bit down on his luscious bottom lip. She undid his belt buckle and slowly unzipped his pants before reaching in and pulling out his throbbing dick.
The longing in her eyes told him everything he needed to know, so he pushed her legs back and tapped his head on her clit.
“You want daddy’s dick in you?”
“Mhm,” she whimpered.
“Good.”
He pushed in and groaned at the feeling of her pussy walls gripping him as he sheathed himself inside her.
“Fuck, you feel like home.”
Kayla moaned into his neck in response and wound her hips against him, meeting him thrust for thrust as he stroked into her slow and deep. She couldn’t form words. He felt so damn good inside her that Kayla’s brain had short-circuited. Erik’s dick hit spots that she could never find herself no matter how hard she tried. Even in her dreams, he drove her body wild. She had spent the last year trying to find somebody, anybody who could make her feel that way, but nobody could compare to Erik Stevens.
Erik and Kayla panted heavily into each others’ mouths as he made love to her body, and as soon as Kayla started to tense up, his thrusts grew harder.
“I-I-”
“I know, babygirl. Daddy feels it,” he groaned as he nipped at her bottom lip. “Cum on my dick like a good girl.”
His words sent Kayla into overdrive, and her body shook as she spilled over him. Her spasming walls hugged him tight, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, begging him with her eyes.
“You feel amazing,” she moaned.
“Mhm. I know them other niggas wasn’t hitting it like this. I just know it. Look at you, cumming all over daddy’s dick. Look at it!” He grabbed her chin and made her look down at her throbbing pussy as his dick slid in and out of her.
“We look so good, daddy!”
Erik slammed into her, and she bit into his shoulder to keep from screaming. He gave her his all over and over, rocking the countertop in the process.
“We’ll look even better if you let me cum in this pussy. Mix my cum with yours-”
“Yes!”
“Yes?” He chuckled. “You want it that bad, huh? Nasty ass, in here getting fucked while that bum ass nigga’s waiting for you upstairs.”
“Mmm, I want it.”
“Want what, babygirl?” Erik teased as he brought his thumb to her clit, strumming it slowly as he thrust into her.
“You. I want you to cum deep in me.”
“Shit,” Erik groaned. “You want it deep in there?”
“Mhm. Put it where it belongs, daddy.” Kayla licked up the side of his neck, making his knees buckle. “Cum in your pussy.”
Erik lost all sense of control and pounded into her tight pussy, somehow getting even deeper in preparation for his release. Kayla held on tight as she felt him begin to spasm inside her, and she released around him again as his deep moans tickled her ear. Erik thrust extra deep and held his dick in place as he emptied his balls into her warmth, whimpering lightly as she rubbed his back to soothe him and bring him back down.
“I missed you, babygirl.”
“I missed you, too, daddy.”
They stayed like that, wrapped up in each other until their breathing slowed. Erik was the first to move, slowly pulling himself out of Kayla as she whined at the loss of contact. He kissed all over her face before planting a slow, sweet kiss on her lips.
“I can’t let you go again, Kay-kay,” his voice cracked as tears threatened to fall from his eyes again.
Kayla pulled him back in and kissed him so deeply that she nearly lost herself in him again, but he pulled away and looked her in her eyes.
“I’m serious, girl. I’ll do anything. I’ll marry you, give you as many big-headed babies as you want. Just, please, Kay-” she cut him off with another kiss to shut him up.
“We should go back to my place and talk,” she whispered, and Erik’s face lit up. Something about the way she said it, the way she kissed him, the way her body still responded to his...it gave him hope. Kayla smiled at him and pecked his lips once more before hopping off of the sink. He had to catch her because her legs were wobbly, and she stumbled a little in her heels.
“You aight?” he laughed.
“No, nigga,” she slapped his chest, and the two of them got caught in a laughing fit. They had really just fucked in the bathroom at Chez Martine. Kayla was on cloud nine until a thought occurred to her, and her face fell flat. “Oh, shit.”
“What?” Erik’s face turned serious, and his eyes scanned over her body, looking for whatever the problem was.
Kayla started giggling again, and he looked confused.
“What is it?” he asked, barely able to keep a straight face. Her laugh was always so infectious…
“Demetrius.”
“Who?!”
“My date.”
“Girl, don’t worry about him. He probably thinks you dipped out anyway.”
Kayla shrugged and fixed her dress as Erik stuffed his shirt back in his pants. They checked their reflections in the mirror, and Kayla was pleasantly surprised that her makeup was still intact thanks to that setting spray she had splurged on the other day.
“Ready?” Erik asked as he admired her beauty. Kayla nodded, and he unlocked the door, opening it to find Duncan leaning against the wall with a sour look on his face. Kayla’s eyes blew wide as she tried to figure out what to say to her date for the evening.
“Heyyy, um…”
“Denzel,” he seethed.
“Yeah, sorry. So, um, we’re-”
“Sorry, bruh,” Erik clapped him on the shoulder, “but we heading out. Bathroom’s all yours, though.”
Erik pulled Kayla along, and she sent Deion an apologetic glance before following Erik up the stairs. It seemed the whole restaurant knew what had occurred, but neither one of them cared. They were just happy to be around each other again. It had been entirely too long.
Taglist: @ladymac82, @kitesatforestp, @harleycativy, @raysunshine78, @maddeningmayhem, @theblulife, @motheroffae, @love-mesome-me,@toni9, @bribrisback, @impremenior, @blacklytical, @uzumaki-rebellion, @honeyandpeaches, @cecereads209, @wakandama2,
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idy-ll-ique · 3 years
Text
no harm done
pairing: mob!bucky barnes x f!reader
genre: angst, fluff
warnings: one mention of a gunshot
requested: nope
word count: 1.6k
summary: y/n works at a bank. one day, three people show up at the bank for a robbery; they work for the most feared crime boss in all of the country, james barnes. who also happens to be y/n's ex boyfriend. but upon seeing her, she is instantly recognized by them and the bank is spared. why? because she is on his 'no harm' list. when she finds this out, y/n decides to pay him a visit, wondering if he still thinks about her. (spoiler alert: he does)
author's note: hiya peeps! enjoy!
masterlist
---
A loud gunshot made several people scream as everyone turned around. At the entrance of the bank stood three people: one woman and two men, whom everyone instantly recognized. Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton and Peter Parker. "Get away from the counter!" Natasha shouted and everyone scurried away from the counter.
Y/N, an employee, sat frozen in place as the youngest man approached her, staring at her with narrowed eyes. All of a sudden, his eyes went wide and he took a step back, turning to his fellow… criminals. They, too, looked at her as he whispered something to them. "We are extremely sorry, ma'am," Natasha apologized immediately.
Y/N blinked, her hand below the counter ready to call the police but I guess it wasn't necessary anymore. "You're, um, you're forgiven?" she replied slowly. The three criminals instantly left the bank as the other citizens looked over at Y/N, who returned their confused glances with her equally as confused ones.
"Did they know you?" a person asked as the atmosphere steadily returned to normal. "I didn't know them," Y/N offered and the day continued as usual.
---
As Y/N stood in line at Starbucks waiting for a coffee, she looked around and saw a familiar looking man sitting there, sipping on his coffee while talking to someone on the phone. Upon receiving her coffee she made up her mind and decided to approach him, making him look up as she stood next to his table.
His eyes widened like they had a few months ago. "Ma'am," he greeted her and she gestured to the seat in front of him. "Can I sit?" He nodded and she sat in front of him, leaning back on the chair. "Do you… do you know me?" she blurted out and he pursed his lips.
"Everyone who works with Barnes knows you." At the name, Y/N froze. There was only one Barnes she knew, and she was pretty sure only one Barnes knew her. "You don't mean Bucky Barnes," she whispered and the man in front of her, Clint, nodded. "I do mean him. He runs a very feared crime syndicate in the country, and he, well… he has you on the 'no harm' list. Do you two have history?" Y/N nodded.
"We, um, we used to date back when we were both in high-school. But then some family emergency happened… it was a peaceful breakup and after that I kinda lost touch with him… does he live here now? In this city?" Clint let out an 'oh'. "He does, yeah. Is there any chance you'd like to meet him? Because I can take you now." Y/N shook her head.
"Sorry, I'm busy today. Can you give me his address? I can visit sometime later." Clint readily gave her Bucky's home address and Y/N got up, bidding him adieu as she left Starbucks, thoughtfully sipping on her coffee. Well well well, life just got interesting…
She hadn't really lost feelings for Bucky, per se. Y/N thought of him often, always wondering where he was now and what he was doing. "I guess I found out today," she muttered to herself. A crime syndicate? He was their leader? His father seemed shady back then but she didn't think Bucky was that kind of a man…
And him putting her on a 'no harm' list? Did he think of her, just like she did? Maybe he still liked her too? She couldn't wait to visit him.
---
"Ye— oh. Oh, lord. Ma'am! Come in, come in please!"
Y/N sent a forced smile towards Peter, who had opened the door to the house. A few days had passed since Y/N and Clint met at Starbucks and she was currently standing outside Bucky's mansion. Well, inside now, maybe. "Hi, Peter, isn't it?" He nodded immediately. "Such an honor," he gushed and Y/N smiled.
"Where is your boss? I'm here to meet him."
"You, um, you'll have to wait, I'm sorry. He's in a meeting right now." Y/N waved her arm dismissively. "I've got all the time in the world," she smirked as Peter led her to the sitting room. Inside sat Natasha Romanoff along with another lady Y/N recognized to be Wanda Maximoff. They instantly stood up at her arrival.
"Miss Y/N, pleasure! What brings you here?" Wanda chuckled nervously as Y/N sat down, crossing her legs. "Oh, came to see your boss, but he's in a meeting, I suppose. I can wait." Natasha hurried to the dining table and poured out a glass of water, handing it to her.
"The boss will be extremely thrilled to see you, he does talk about you a lot," Wanda spoke as Y/N chugged the glass of water. "Does he, now? Fantastic, I can't wait to see him either." All of a sudden, there was a slew of footsteps coming downstairs and Y/N turned around just in time to see Bucky entering the room, Steve and Sam behind him.
He froze when he saw her. Y/N stood up, her eyes filling with happy tears as she took in Bucky's appearance; he had lost quite a lot of face fat that he had in high school, making his jawline appear sharper. He also had a wonderful stubble and fluffier hair, but his eyes were still the same: full of light and determination. "Bucky," she whispered.
Bucky instantly ran to her and hugged her without second thought; he had missed her quite a lot. He was only 18 when he'd taken over the family business— running the most feared mafia in the entire country. He was forced to delete Y/N's number from his phone and cut off all contact with his friends.
After taking over the business he'd sneakily met her one night and made up a lie about moving away and wanting a breakup. It was peaceful, but Bucky still felt guilty about lying. Not to mention he still loved her, even after all these years. He'd thought if she knew what he was, what his work was, she'd never look at him the same again.
A breakup he could handle but her looking at him like he was a monster? There was no way he'd be able to handle that. "Y/N, you're here. Oh my God, I missed you so much," he whispered into her shoulder, pulling her impossibly close, uncaring that everyone was watching. "I missed you too," she whispered back, "But you lied to me." Bucky pulled away.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart, I had to. What I do is too dangerous and I can't risk the lives of anyone close to me. My father forced me to break up with you. I didn't want to but I understood his reasoning. It's too unsafe, what if something happens to you?" Y/N shook her head, letting her tears fall free.
"No, I— I still like you, I can't— don't do this to me, please Bucky," she begged and Bucky's own tears flowed when he heard her feeble voice. "God knows I still like you too, sweetheart, but I'm sorry. I have to say no. I can't risk it. Do you know many people are on my back constantly? Once they find out about you, it'll be like a witch hunt—"
"Fine, I'll go," Y/N hissed all of a sudden, not able to contain her annoyance as she stormed past him, walking to the front door to leave. "King of fumbling the bag," Peter sneered as Natasha and Wanda followed Y/N. Bucky stared at the floor, wanting nothing more than to just run after her and beg her to stay.
But he knew he couldn't. He loved her so much that he didn't want to be with her, only because his line of work was too risky. "Dude, are you kidding me?! After all these years, you find out she still likes you and you let her go?! Just like that?!" Steve shouted at him. Bucky's head went lower with shame.
"You don't know," he muttered, "I'll only be risking her life. I love her, Steve, if something happens to her, I don't— I don't know how I'll live. For all this time, the thought of her has kept me sane and going. Knowing she's out there somewhere, living life to the fullest, still alive… if I bring her into my mess…"
"What mess?" Sam chided too, "Look at you! Everyone in the country fears you, all the other syndicates, their bosses, they respect you a lot! You've got top notch security and you're telling me your job is unsafe?! At this point, it just sounds like an excuse to not be with her." Bucky's eyes snapped towards Sam.
"Don't say that!" he roared, "I do love her! I just— you know what—" he whirled around to run after Y/N but froze when he saw her standing right behind him, her hand covering her mouth as a teardrop rolled down her eye. Bucky immediately pulled her into his arms once again, apologizing profusely.
"Don't go. Please, don't leave me again, I love you so much, Y/N," he whispered and Y/N burrowed closer to him, smiling. "I love you too, Bucky, feels so good to be back into your arms after so long." He laughed and dropped a kiss to her head, rubbing her back. "Are you sure about this?" he whispered.
"Never been more sure about anything, Barnes. You heard Sam, your job might not be safe but you are. And I trust you, so it won't ever be a problem," she assured him and he sighed, melting into her arms.
Everyone around them only smiled at each other. "I guess you didn't fumble the bag this time, good for you."
"Shut up, Parker."
---
a/n: thanks for reading, leave a like if you enjoyed!
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tyongxnct · 3 years
Text
𝐅𝐔 - 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐒𝐮𝐡
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pairing: Johnny x reader
summary: You wanted to be all alone with your boyfriend on New Year’s Eve, but after a heavy fight, he left you before the clock struck midnight. You were all alone the whole night while he was with another woman. The woman he told you not to worry about. One day, after forgiving him for leaving you alone, you find out that she was texting him, that he cheated and you breakup. But breaking up with the love of your life was hard and you couldn’t stop yourself from loving him.
song: FU - Miley Cyrus
genre: established relationship, angst, smut
warnings: smut, cheating, swearing, alcohol consumption
word count: 5.7k
A/N: first of all thank you so so much for 900 followers!! You have no idea how happy and thankful I am. I hope you enjoy this!! 💖💖💖
taglist: @aesthetichrj @bvbyxuxi @bitchenderyy​ @chitaphrrrr​
this is fiction!
© tyongxnct on all platforms
Oh, you broke my heart I told you I was weak for love But then you went around And did what you wanted to do And now I'm crying, crying
“Don’t you fucking get it Y/n?! There’s nothing going on between me and her! Why are you always so fucking insecure?!”
“Are you being serious right now? I just-“
“Just what Y/n?! Huh?! Do you always have to ruin everything?! One night, one fucking night and you can’t keep your mouth shut! You’re so damn frustrating. It’s fucking New Year’s Eve and you just have to annoy the shit out of me!” Johnny yelled at you. He closed his eyes to calm down, but all he saw was red and he needed to go.
“But Johnny-“
“No! I don’t wanna hear anything. I’m leaving. Happy fucking new year.” He cut you off, he didn’t care about your feelings at that moment. All he wanted was fresh air and be far, far away from you.
“No please don’t go I’m sorry-“
You tried to apologize, but Johnny simply didn’t care.
It was almost midnight and you didn’t want the night to end like this. All you wanted was spend the night with Johnny. Just you, Johnny, wine, and a great dinner. This was your third New Year’s Eve with Johnny and your first New Year’s Eve alone with him. You had spent the last two years with your mutual friends at some party, but this year you wanted to be just with him.
Things escalated quickly.
First he was distracted, he was on his phone the whole dinner and then, while watching a movie he chose, he was also on his phone. Then, he got a phone call and was in your shared bedroom talking for almost an hour.
Your special night together suddenly turned to a shit night for you.
You were suspicious about his behavior. Always on his phone, always talking to someone and whenever you asked whom he was talking to he answered with a simple ‘a friend’.  But you knew exactly who that friend was and when you had enough, you confronted him about her.
Johnny left your apartment, he was slightly tipsy, the wine you drank was in his system and he knew that his next decision was stupid, so dumb and would destroy everything you had built, but in that moment, he didn’t care.
So his next move was to call her and ask her if she was free. It was New Year’s Eve, she was probably at some party or with her family, but she quickly dropped her friends and the party she was at to meet Johnny at her apartment.
The clock struck midnight and instead of kissing you, Johnny’s lips were on her lips and you were finishing the second bottle of wine. You sat on the balcony and watched the firework with tears rolling down your cheeks whereas your boyfriend was kissing another girl, pleasing another girl, and breaking his promises.
That night, you celebrated New Year’s Eve with tears in your eyes and pain in your heart.
Johnny woke up in the middle of the night.
He looked to his left to see you sleeping next to him but when he saw someone else next to him in bed, he remembered what he did. He remembered how he told you that there was nothing going between her and him and then he remembered how he fucked her, how he cheated on you.
“Fuck.” He mumbled as he looked at the clock on the wall.
03:27
He didn’t kiss you on midnight. He wasn’t with you, you weren’t in his arms, someone else was.
Johnny left the apartment without thinking and rushed home to you. Johnny couldn’t describe how much regret he felt, how guilty he felt. He wanted to cry, he wanted to delete last night from his memory.
He unlocked the door and it was dark inside of the apartment, you were probably sleeping. Johnny’s heart was beating against his chest, he didn’t know what to do. Should he tell you what happened last night? Should he tell you he cheated and broke his promises?
Johnny saw you curled up on the couch, your eyes closed but swollen, you wear wearing his hoodie and hugging the pillow tightly. The balcony was still open and the winter breeze entered you apartment. Your body was cold, hands formed to fists and brows furrowed. Two empty bottles of wine on the coffee table and one used wine glass.
Johnny got on his knees and pressed little kisses on your forehead, your cheeks and nose. He wanted to kiss your lips so bad, but his lips still tasted like the other woman he had been with that night.
“B-Baby?” he whispered softly, “Baby, come on let’s go to bed.”
You didn’t react.
Johnny carried you softly to your bedroom and tucked you in your bed. After getting ready for bed, he also got under the covers and pulled your body closer to his and held you tightly in his arms.
“I’m so sorry.” He cried out. Johnny felt terrible, he couldn’t lose you, the only option was to keep it a secret and delete last night from his memory. Johnny fell asleep crying.
You woke up between Johnny’s arms. He was holding you tightly and it didn’t look like you could get out of his arms anytime soon. He was soring softly and you could tell he was tired.
You stayed in bed for another hour and Johnny slowly woke up.
“Can you let me go?” you asked coldly. You were still hurt.
“S-Sorry.” He let go of you and you were about to leave the room but Johnny stopped you.
“Listen… I-I know you’re mad and I know I made a big mistake. I shouldn’t have left. I’m the biggest idiot on the planet, I’m so sorry I left you alone last night and… and the things I said. I didn’t mean them. I love you. Only you.”
Your hand was on the door handle, holding tightly. You didn’t answer, you didn’t know what to say. Were you still mad? Yes. Were you still hurt? Yes. You just wanted to be alone.
“Y-You left me alone o-on New Year’s Eve. You just left me all alone, I wanted to be with you. You know that I don’t have anyone. You know that I’m all alone and you still left. I only have you but you left me too.”
That was true. You had lost your parents a couple years ago and you don’t have any siblings. You don’t have any family left and you have only Johnny in your life. You were never the person to find friends easily, but Johnny was different. You were friends with his friends, but you were too shy and insecure to call them or text them. You hated it.
“I know- I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you, baby. Do you want to have dinner again tonight? I’ll cook. Or we can go out to that restaurant you love, let’s go on a date, hmm? Tell me baby. Tell me what you want.” He got up and walked closer to you. You stepped back on reflex.
Johnny stopped on his tracks and looked at you, worry written all over his face.
“D-Do you hate me that much?” he whispered.
“I-“
You didn’t know what to say.
“I think I need to be alone.” And then you left your bedroom and locked yourself in the bathroom and started crying.
Johnny knew he had to leave you alone, you had to calm down and he needed to find a way to make it up to you. He knew the fucked up, and the secret he carried was haunting him. Whenever he looked at you, he felt his heart ache.
Maybe you were blinded by your love for him or maybe you were just stupid, but you couldn’t be mad at him any longer.
You entered the bedroom and saw Johnny looking on the ceiling like a lost puppy. He instantly got up and looked at you. “D-Do you want me to leave?”
You were still crying and playing with your fingers. “I-I want to go o-on a that date with you. B-But that doesn’t mean I forgive you. I’m still hurt.” You sobbed.
“Okay baby, anything for you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I left you alone. I’ll make it up to you, okay? I love you so much.” He stroked your tears away and cupped your cheeks. “I’m not going to hurt you again.”
Ooh, it seemed like everything was going fine I found the love that I thought was gonna last Then I accidentally saw a few things in your cell I even LOL'd, man, I should've known Why, why you're doing what you do You, you might as well just tell the honest truth See, I'm not really down with this This ain't no texting shit Know I got no biz, But it is what it is
I don't really have much to say I was over it the second that I saw her name
The first couple weeks of January, Johnny acted like the perfect boyfriend. He did everything he could to make you happy, to make you smile brightly at him.
You could see that he tried to make his mistake up to you and you enjoyed how he showered you with love. You were sure that he was the one, that Johnny was your future.
But that one night, January 31, changed everything.
You were waiting for Johnny to finish his shower. It was date night and you decided to go to the movies. While you were scrolling through your Instagram feed, Johnny’s phone ringed non-stop. He received text after text and even two calls and the sound annoyed the shit out of you. You got up to turn his sound off, but when you accidently saw the last text he got, you almost dropped the phone. You didn’t want to go through his texts, but you couldn’t stop yourself from reading the text she sent him.
19:27 Sujin: hey baby, I miss u
19:27 Sujin: are you free tonight? My pussy missed your dick!!!
19:28 Sujin: *picture attached*
It was a picture of her, half naked, you could fully see her breasts.
You should’ve known. You should’ve known that he lied when he told you that there was nothing going on between him and her.
You couldn’t cry, all you could do was laugh. Laugh at how stupid you were.
Why did he lie to you? Why didn’t he just tell you the truth? You were done with him and with his lies. Maybe it was your own fault. You knew that there was something, but you still believed him and took him back that night on New Year’s Eve. He said so much mean and disgusting things to you, Johnny acted like you were crazy and just out of your damn mind. He called you insecure. Johnny called you so many things and in the end, you were right.
You went to your shared bedroom and started packing a couple of your things. You needed to leave. Now.
You couldn’t cry. You wanted to, but you couldn’t. There were no tears left.
You packed some clothes, you weren’t going to move out. He cheated, he broke your heart and he has to leave. But you couldn’t stand being next to him. You would come back when he was gone.
Johnny entered the bedroom with a towel around his waist. His hair was still wet and little drops of water glistened on his body. Suddenly all you could see were her traces on his body. Love bites on his neck, down to his chest.
“Babe?”
You realized you were staring at him a little too long, the love bites were gone and Johnny came closer to you with a smirk.
“We can skip the movie if you want to.” He put two fingers on your chin and leaned down to kiss you, but you pulled back. Almost tripping over your bag.
“Babe? You good?”
“Cut the bullshit Johnny. I want you to leave and take all of your fucking shit with you. We’re done. I’ll come back when you’re gone.”
Johnny looked at you with so much confusion written all over his face. “Babe what are you talking about?”
“Go to your whore. She probably has enough space for you two.” You said with no emotion as you grabbed your bag.
Johnny still didn’t understand what you were talking about. “W-What are you saying? Baby I really don’t understand- What do you mean? Whore?”
You started laughing, “Come on, you know exactly who I’m talking about. She misses you so much Johnny. Poor girl needs her hole filled with your fucking cock. Go to her. She’s waiting for you.”
Johnny still didn’t get what you meant. “Fucking hell, I saw her texts Johnny! I’m leaving.”
It took Johnny a minute to realize what just happened.
You were about to leave the room when he stopped you. “Listen- please just listen to me.”
You scoffed, “There’s nothing you could say, Johnny.”
“T-There was nothing serious. S-She just texted me shit like that-“
“No Johnny! This isn’t just you and her texting, this is about you being not loyal to me. You lied to me, you called me names, you broke all your promises and you still cheated. You cheated on me with her, you don’t have to lie anymore. I won’t stop you anymore. Feel free to do whatever you want. Not that I stopped you from doing whatever you wanted before, but now you don’t need to come back to me anymore.”
You voice was filled with venom, Johnny knew he fucked up and he thought you would never find out, but now that you did, he didn’t know what to do or what to say to keep you, to make you stay.
“No no no don’t go. L-Let’s talk about this. Baby please don’t leave me. I love you.” Johnny started crying. For the first time in your life, you saw him cry.
You didn’t know how to feel about seeing him cry, but you listened to your brain and not to your heart like you always did and your brain told you to leave. You were done with him. So you left without looking back.
I got two, ooh, ooh letters for you One of them's F and the other one's U 'Cause what you gotta do, is go get yourself a clue Only two, ooh ooh letters to choose One of them's F and the other one's U SMH, I'm pressing send on you
Johnny texted you about thousand messages every day since you left. He called and left thousand voicemails. After two weeks, you also got mail with letters. Letters filled with apologies.
You hated him so much, but you couldn’t stop listening to his voicemails or stop reading his texts and letters. Maybe it was because you missed him or maybe you felt better now that he ran after you like a lost puppy. But you couldn’t let go of him if he keeps sending you things like that.
22:04 J: I won’t stop trying.
22:05 J: I love you too much to let you go.
You laughed at that. He loves you? Is cheating his way of loving you? You decided to answer him.
22:10 you: Fuck u Johnny. You don’t know anything about love so just stop and don’t embarrass yourself.
22:10 J: I can’t believe you texted back. I knew you were reading my messages. Please, let’s talk.
22:13 you: Don’t you get it? I don’t want to see you.
22:14 J: Okay, then answer the phone. Let’s just talk.
Your phone started ringing and you almost answered. It rang and rang and he called you again and again, but you never answered.
22:50 you: stop calling. Stop texting. Just leave me alone.
You shook your head angrily.
He left you alone on New Year’s Eve, why was it so hard for him to leave you alone now?  
Could've been this, could've been that We done been there, we done been back You ain't with it, could've said that Why you tripping, let me hit that I ain't trying to argue more. I do it all for you, You know you're my right eye Baby, let me show you
Johnny was about to lose his mind.
After you left nothing made sense anymore. He was lonely. Lonelier than ever. Johnny has many friends but he never left the apartment to hang out with them.
There was no point in going out and coming back to a lonely home.
He missed you, he missed everything about you. He realized, after you left, that he loved so many small things about you. For example, the way you sneezed, that was the cutest sound he has ever heard or the way you always fell asleep with a little smile on your face. A smile he missed.
Johnny missed to see you on the couch, a pillow between your arms because you couldn’t hug Johnny, he had to take a shower or for whatever reason he couldn’t watch tv without you.
Oh, how he wished he could just drop everything and cuddle with you on the couch. You could’ve been in his arms right now, you could’ve been kissing him like you always did. You loved kissing him and he missed the feeling of your lips on his.
He regrets cheating on you. He regrets it so much and there’s not a single day without him crying about that.
Johnny rarely cried, you knew that, but after you left, he couldn’t stop his tears.
He had to show you how much he loved you, how much you mean to him. Johnny had to show you, that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Johnny would do anything to get you back.
Oh, I know what's been going on Don't even try to act like Mr Super Nonchalant What makes you think I'll stick around I'm not as stupid as you sound And you sound really dumb right now From A to Z, ooh I got a lot of nasty things flowing up in my head But none of them are worth my time You're not even worth this rhyme And I don't, I don't give a flying
It was hard for you to find a place to stay and Johnny knew that, but even though he wanted to be with you, he left your apartment so you could stay there. The only friends you had were Johnny’s and it was hard for you to ask them for help, you hated to ask other people for help, because you didn’t want to be a burden. That’s why you stayed in a hotel for two days, until Johnny texted you that he left the apartment. It hurt you a little, the fact that he was gone but you tried to ignore that feeling, just like you tried to ignore everything else he did. You overthink everything and you were scared to annoy his friends with your presence, which wasn’t even the case. After Johnny’s friend heard about what Johnny did and how he broke your heart, they lectured him and were angry. Yes, he was their friend but you were their friend too and what Johnny did was unacceptable. A couple of his friends reached out to you, they wanted to be there for you and help you go through the pain.
A month after your breakup, you met Johnny again. One of your mutual friends held a BBQ party and she insisted for you to come. Of course she told you about Johnny also being invited but you didn’t care about him at that moment. You wanted to have fun, but now, with him right in front of you, you wanted to go back home and hide under your bed. But you wouldn’t show him that.
You felt his eyes on you, no matter what you did or where you were.
Playing beer pong outside, his eyes were on you.
Cutting tomatoes in the kitchen, his eyes were on you.
Drinking your cocktail in the living room, his eyes were on you.
Not like a creep, of course. He watched you like someone who saw the love of their life for the first time and he saw the love of his life for the first time after the breakup. He thought about ways to approach you, to talk to you and apologize, but the timing was always bad.
Except for now.
“Y/n.”
Your turned around as soon as you heard his voice. The others were inside whereas you went outside for fresh air. Johnny followed you, he saw an opportunity to talk to you and he wouldn’t let go of that.
“Don’t walk away- please.”
“Why would I stay here with you?” you scoffed.
“Just listen to me, just once-“
“You think I’m stupid? You think I don’t know what you’re going to say? It’s always the same shit. Oh, I’m so sorry. She doesn’t mean anything to me. Please forgive me. Blah Blah Blah.” You said in a mocking tone.
“But it is the truth! She doesn’t mean anything to me. I just love you, it was a mistake-“
“Johnny, come on. You sound so dumb right now. Just stop. Whenever I see your face, I just want to punch you and her, but you aren’t worth it. She isn’t worth it to be in my head. Fuck you and fuck her. Oh, wait, you did that already, right?”
Maybe you were being a little pathetic right now, but you didn’t care.
I don't really have much to say I was over it the second that I saw her name
“I don’t really have much to say. I was over it the second that I saw he name on your phone.” you said, looking him straight in the eyes. Your voice was so cold, just like your eyes.
“But I have things I need to tell you. I need to tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am. Just listen to me, just this once and If you’re still done with me, than okay, I’ll leave you alone.”
“Fine. I’m so fucking sick of this.” You mumbled.
“I didn’t lie to you on New Year’s Eve. There was really nothing between me and her. She would text me but I never really replied to her. We went out a couple of times, but not just us. We went out with other friends and I barely noticed her. We were just friends, even less than that. On New Year’s Eve you pushed my buttons, I’m sorry to say it like that, but something inside me switched and all I wanted to do is to h-hurt you.” He looked down, ashamed, “I was drunk and angry. A really bad combination. I called her, she invited me to her home and before I knew it, I woke up with her next to me.”
You closed your eyes, you tried to imagine little butterflies and the sea, but all you could see was Johnny with another woman.
“As soon as I woke up, I came home and I-I didn’t know what to do. I hated -hate- myself for what I did that night, for hurting you and leaving you alone like that and for c-cheating on you. I know it’s not an excuse but I was so drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing. It just happened. When I saw you at home, asleep on the couch, it broke my heart. I wish- I wish I could turn back time and stay at home with you that night.”
“Johnny-“
“I’m not done. I deleted that night from my memory. I know it’s stupid but I couldn’t lose you. I was selfish and I thought that you would never find out. B-But that night you saw her messages, you only saw her messages. It looked like we were still texting and s-sleeping with each other. But here-“ he pulled out his phone and showed you their conversation.
“I always told her how much I loved you and that she should leave me alone. That I did the biggest mistake in my life and that you’re the love of my life. I swear Y/n, I am so sorry, so fucking sorry that I hurt you like this. But I mean it when I say that I only love you and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I did so many mistakes and I totally get that you h-hate me but I want to show you how much I actually love you and I know that you love me too.”
You scrolled through their texts. He said the truth, he always told her to fuck off and leave him alone, she was also blocked now. Johnny told her that he wants only you and that he would spend the rest of his days regret hurting you, but he’d also spend the rest of his days loving you.
“I-“ you didn’t know what to say.
He was right, you still loved him.
“Johnny… can you take me home?”
I got two, ooh, ooh letters for you One of them's F and the other one's U 'Cause what you gotta do, is go get yourself a clue Only two, ooh letters to choose One of them's F and the other one's U SMH, I'm pressing send on you
Johnny was bigger than you and stronger, but right now you felt like you were the stronger one.
You pressed him against the wall as you pressed your lips on his. You caught Johnny off guard but not even a second later, he kissed you back and put his hands on your waist.
“Don’t touch me.” you pulled away to say this and when he thought it was over, you kissed him again. Your hands were on his shirt, slowly pulling it up. When you were done, you pressed your hands lightly on his chest. You loved every inch of Johnny’s body.
Johnny was obviously stronger than you and he could push you away easily, but he couldn’t, until your hands landed on his belt. “N-No, Y/n wait-“ he said as he pulled away.
You ignored him.
You kissed right above his jeans, slowly going up leaving wet kisses on his belly and chest. You couldn’t reach his neck, you wanted to leave love marks, and that made you mad.
“Fucking big asshole. Why do you have to be so big?!”
“Y/n- I thought you wanted to talk? I don’t want you to do anything you might regret later.”
“Just shut up and let me do what I want to do.”
“You’re drunk.” Johnny said. Yes you had a couple cocktails but you knew what you were doing.
“Fuck you, I’m not drunk! Do you want to fuck me or not?!” you yelled now, annoyed that he hesitate so much.
“Of course I want to fuck you but-“
“No buts. Take off your pants.”
Johnny didn’t move. He didn’t know what to do. On the one hand he wanted to feel you close again, on the other hand he was scared to push you further away after having sex with you.
“Fine I’ll do it myself.” And you did. You unbuttoned his jeans, pulled it down along with his boxers and kneeled down.
His cock was semi-hard. The way you acted turned him on and now you’re on your knees looking absolutely beautiful and sexy.
You slowly started pumping his cock and Johnny bit his lip as he watched you. His tip was leaking with precum and you used it to make it easier to pump him. You put your lips on his tip and kissed it and then you licked it like a lollipop. You twirled your tongue on his tip, your hand still pumping him up and down. When you put his cock in your mouth, Johnny’s hands softly gripped your hair.
You pulled away, “No touching.” And he let go instantly. He was going crazy, he needed to touch you.
You put his cock back into your mouth and bopped your head. Johnny’s cock was big, you couldn’t fit all of his cock inside your mouth but the way he hit your throat turned him even more on. He was a moaning mess. You softly played with his balls and you felt him twitch. He was about to cum and right before he could, you stopped and pulled away.
“Fuck- What why did you stop? Are you alright?” he asked you. First frustrated that you stopped him from coming and then worried that he hurt you.
“Lay down.” You ordered him.
Johnny listened. He laid down on your bed and watched you take off your dress and your underwear. A sight he had missed so much, so fucking much.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“Stop talking.” You ignored the butterflies in your belly.
You crawled on top of him and slowly put his cock inside of you. You were definitely wet enough. Johnny lost his mind, he missed being inside of you. He missed being this close to you.
“Fuck, you feel so good.” He moaned and his hands landed on your hips.
You grabbed his hands and pressed them down on each side of his head. “I said no touching, Johnny. No. Fucking. Touching.” You didn’t stop moving your hips as you said that you knew it turned him on as you felt him twitch again.
You weren’t going to lie. You felt amazing. You were embarrassingly close, all you did was sucking his dick and riding him for not even a minute.
You kept your hands on his wrists as you rode him faster and faster. The way you clenched around him, the little sounds that left your from kissing bruised lips, he loved it. Johnny loved you.
“I’m going to c-cum.” He moaned out.
“C-Cum inside of me, I want every drop of your cum Johnny.” You were so close and when Johnny came inside of you and closed his eyes while moaning your name out loudly, you came too.
You let go of Johnny’s wrists and collapsed on top of him as he pulled his cock out of you.
Chest against chest, heartbeat against heartbeat.
Your head was in the crook of his neck and you were breathing heavily. You tried to catch your breath and stop yourself from crying, but Johnny heard you sniffle and not even a second later, you started sobbing in his arms.
“Y/n? Are you crying?” he rubbed your back softly, not sure what else to do.
“Fuck you. I’m not crying I’m dancing you i-idiot.” You cried out.
You couldn’t stop the tears from falling, you didn’t notice how hard you were crying until it got hard to breath.
“Hey hey hey, I’m sorry. Look at me. You have to calm down.” Johnny softly pushed you up and you wrapped your arms around your boobs, suddenly feeling completely exposed and vulnerable.
Johnny was about to move away and you immediately hugged him tightly, you were scared that he would leave after fucking you. You were scared that you were just imagining this and that he wasn’t actually here. But Johnny actually just wanted to give you his shirt.
“Fuck you. I hate you. Y-You broke my heart.” You cried out as you hid your face in his neck.
Johnny slowly stroked your hair and with his other hand he held you tightly. “I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you, but I love you so, so much.”
He was crying too.
“Y-you really don’t deserve me. Fuck you for hurting me, fuck you for cheating on me and fuck you… I-I still… love you.” You finally said it. It was so hard but all the weight on your shoulders vanished and you felt relieved.
“I love you. Only you. Please forgive, please let me love you again. Please I need you so much.” Johnny said and left little kisses on your shoulder.
You pulled back softly and looked him in the eyes. Your eyes were as red as his and full of pain and love.
“Please don’t hurt me ever again, please no matter how much you want to hurt me, just yell at me o-or I don’t know throw something at me… b-but don’t do that again…”
Johnny’s heart ached, he would never forgive himself for hurting you like this, for breaking your heart. It was a punch in the face to hear your words. Was he really such a monster? Yes he was. He was a monster who hurt his better half for something so stupid and now you were suffering. You were always right and he would do anything to make you happy. How could he even get mad at someone as kind and lovely as you? How could he even think of hurting you?
“D-Don’t say that. I will never hurt you again, I promise. I could never get mad at you, Y/n. Everything was my fault, I did this to us and you never deserved this. You are too good for me and I’ll make sure to show you how much I adore you, how much you mean to me. I’ll never let go of your hand.” He took your hand in his and placed a kiss on your knuckles, “I love you, Y/n. Can you give me a second chance?”
You looked him in his teary eyes. You were going to follow your heart and your heart told you to try again. You could see his love for you in his eyes and you could hear it in his broken voice. You were ready to give him a second chance, you could forgive him but you would never forget what he did.
You nodded softly “Y-You have to make it up to me and it won’t be easy.”
“I’ll do anything.”
“Okay.” You breathed out.
“Thank you.” He looked you in the eyes with his brown puppy eyes and you couldn’t stop yourself from pecking his lips. You pulled back and watched his reaction. Johnny smiled softly and both of you slowly leaned in and kissed. A soft and slow kiss, with so much passion and longing.
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kithtaehyung · 3 years
Text
Last November (M)
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title: last november (m) post date: december 14th, 2020, 8pm est  ⤷ revamped/extended: march 27th, 2021, 10pm est pairing: seokjin x reader(f) genre: angst, smut, exes to lovers au summary: you two broke up on good terms. even seeing each other on your friends’ yearly end-of-november trip was never awkward. so why did this trip feel so different? and why does it feel like the end of something that wasn’t even there in the first place? warnings: angst, bad puns and jokes, mutual pining, light dom/sub undertones, oral sex (m/f receiving), nipple play, hair-pulling, choking, rough sex, unprotected sex (pls be responsible!), dirty talk, spanking, creampie, seokjin is a consent king, did i say angst?, did i also say bad puns and jokes? mobile users: alt link if this doesn’t open in tumblr ➛ AO3 word count: 23.7k 24.7k !!
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On the last Friday of every November, your group of friends piled into two cars and set off into the mountains. 
Ever since you all graduated from high school years ago, everyone branched off into their individual, intricate walks of life. Different towns, different jobs, different social circles. 
But before those grand adventures started, each of you promised one thing: a yearly trip to keep the friendship alive.
This time around, you happened to be in the “decidedly more fun” car as Jimin, Taehyung, and your longtime friend Rin jammed the backseat with singing and road trip games. Since Seokjin took driver, you claimed navigator, leaving the front of the vehicle a bit muted compared to the other half. Which was fine - you always loved relaxing on the sidelines while your friends played with chaos and hilarity. 
Namjoon kept you company from time to time, too, so you weren’t completely alone in your preferred space.  
The only thing that could’ve made the ride awkward was if you and Seokjin were on bad terms. 
It wasn’t every day you found yourself sitting beside your ex, after all. 
But that simple fact didn’t phase you. The truth was that your breakup was clean and painless - a massive relief to your friends. Back then, it would have torn everyone to pieces picking sides. 
The split was so organic that you couldn’t recall an awful reason why it happened. Separation proved as natural as the changing of seasons: you had moved away for university and he powered through his own medical pursuits. Over time, the relationship simmered to a text every few days, resulting in the night in which you decided that it was better to remain friends.
What sucked was the fact that, over the course of time after the breakup, you fell for Seokjin. Annoying, charming, incredible Seokjin. 
You didn’t come to terms with it until last November, when you watched his eyes sparkle under an indigo ocean of stars and it just clicked. Agony carved into your heart some nights when you thought about nothing else, but you couldn’t admit your feelings. Not when you two decided that your river had run its course. You couldn’t risk smothering the last embers of your relationship, so radio silence remained your lonely swan song. 
Of course you wanted to admit it. You wanted to tell him. Because no matter who came after, they all fell short. Every smile flashed your way, every pair of arms wrapped around your torso, every night spent between the sheets. Nothing compared to what you got from Jin. That man created a hole in your heart that lingered in his wake, a hole through which all of your subsequent relationships plummeted. 
The truth was simple: you didn’t want to ruin what you had. Even if what you two would always be was just friends, that endgame was enough for you.
At least, that’s what you told yourself. Every night when you couldn’t sleep, and every morning when you woke up to an empty bed.
Your vision snapped into focus as your phone screen bloomed. The maps app signaled for a turn, so you relayed the direction to Seokjin, who repeated the direction out loud before following through.
Just like always.
The road in front of you melted into a different scene entirely as you recalled why he started that habit. It sprouted from one of your car rides to a diner situated on the other side of your hometown. 
During the drive, you did your best as navigator, but your boyfriend was so into the music playing that he missed some turns. One errant right later had you both terribly lost, the surrounding area swallowing the car in darkness. On instinct, you dove into defense mode, trying and failing not to outright panic.
“My maps won’t load,” you stuttered, hitting the screen with your finger, “Shit, shit, shit.”
“Don’t worry, I can just—”
“Don’t tell me not to worry,” you bit out. “Let’s just get out of here.” You hated how pure paranoia pricked at the corners of your eyes. Getting lost was completely irksome and going back home was more appealing to you than moving forward with the date. 
“Okay. I won’t,” Seokjin assured you, turning the wheel and rolling the car out from the shadowy street. “How can I help instead?”
“Oh, umm.” With grateful eyes, you stared at your boyfriend and admired his consideration. You’ve never been asked that while upset before. “You could, uh, repeat the directions before following them? That might help.” 
His lips curved into a smile, and streetlights flooded the car to bathe his sincerity in a warm glow. “Repeat directions, you got it.”
The memory faded as you blinked and observed the endless mountain range enveloping the road. Snow topped the summits in white caps; coniferous trees swallowed the steep slopes. As if reminiscence clogged your ears, the music in the car seemed louder outside your broken reverie. 
Taehyung, as always, took charge of the aux. He usually had an eclectic mix of tunes on rotation but, that time, nothing but upbeat Christmas music was queued. You had to admit: merry music coating the car windows and mountainous scenery claiming your entire vision put you in the best mood. 
It was even better when Seokjin sang along. You really did like his singing voice. 
“I like my singing voice, too.” 
Your eyes snapped toward the driver, expression freezing over as you drank in his delight. Did you really say that out loud? You knew Seokjin enough to know that he was never going to let that go. 
“Yeah, well…” You lazily swatted his grin away. “Don’t flatter yourself.” 
Seokjin chuckled, his hands comfortably resting on the wheel. “Are you offering to do that for me? It’s minimum wage, but I’d hire you.”
Rolling your eyes felt like the only appropriate response, so you did exactly that, your exasperated gaze looping around to land on your phone. “Relish this moment, Seokjin,” you advised, zooming out in the maps app to make sure you were still heading in the right direction, “Because it won’t happen again. And take the next exit. We’re almost there.” 
“Yes, yes, next exit.” You missed the smirk on his face as he scanned the roadside for the telltale sign. “Moment relished,” he quipped, “But I prefer my moments with ketchup and mustard.” 
Your groan drowned in his boisterous laughter, but the hand on your face betrayed you since it couldn’t quite cover up the glee that formed right after. 
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An hour later, everyone had unloaded the vehicles at the campgrounds and pitched the tents. While Hoseok and Jungkook worked on starting the fire pit, Namjoon and Jimin took their time organizing the food and snacks. Rin had disappeared with Taehyung somewhere, but Yoongi said he spotted them taking pictures a ways off. 
“They should be helping,” he muttered. “There’s a lot to do before it gets dark out.” 
Squatting down to rotate sizzling meat on your portable grill, you waved him off. “They’re shot-swapping since it’s golden hour.” 
The silence that followed gave you pause. When you looked up in curiosity, Seokjin and Yoongi regarded you like a foreign language coated your tongue, their struggle to decipher it earning a chuckle of pity. 
“They’re both huge influencers, so they know how to take pictures. They always do this when we get together,” you explained, spinning the kebab onto another side, “And golden hour is around sunrise and sunset. It looks like everything is soaked in gold, and it makes your pictures look pretty. But that’s an old term already! You geezers should keep up.” 
Yoongi simply raised an eyebrow and kneeled to turn his designated stick. Smoke from the charred meat wafted into your noses as he declined, “I’ll pass. That sounds stressful.” 
A rapid clapping of tongs next to your ear preceded Seokjin’s offer, “What are we waiting for? Let’s golden hour swap!” 
Why did he have to be so endearing? A cough escaped your throat, disjointed laughs following right after in their awkward escape. Beside you, Yoongi flung condescension Jin’s way, his voice stocked with disappointment as he warned, “Don’t speak. You age yourself.” 
You transferred your kebabs to a foiled plate before standing, blood rushing to your lower legs. Seokjin was unleashing a hearty tirade at the other man grilling when you intervened, “That sounds nice, actually. I’m in a photography class so I was planning on taking some photos anyways. Lemme just get my camera.” 
As you walked away, you couldn’t escape the abrupt change in atmosphere hovering over the grills, its looming tension caressing the back of your coat in a slight push. The words exchanged were soft in volume, but their possible meanings stayed clanging in your ears. 
“Did you tell her yet?” 
“No.” 
“Do it. She deserves to know.” 
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You slipped out of your tent with a heavy jacket and lightheadedness. Medicine would’ve helped with the latter, but the med kit Seokjin packed remained strictly for emergencies. Besides, you couldn’t quite slap a bandage on what was truly bothering you anyways. 
As you inspected your class-registered Polaroid, you continued to wonder what Yoongi meant earlier. 
What was he implying? You deserved to know what? You couldn’t say the feeling swirling around your gut was a positive one. After all, there was a distinct difference in what a person should know, and what a person deserved to know. What was so important that Yoongi practically ordered Seokjin to spill? 
Was there another person in his life now? That was one thing that crossed your mind, but you filed that under the “should know” category, even though it twisted your stomach to think about.
The news had to be something urgent. 
Was Seokjin getting married? 
Without your permission, vessels in your heart shriveled, squeezing life from your already battered soul. A betrothal was entirely possible with his pursuit of a medical degree and coming from a well-to-do family. Maybe he was in an arrangement? 
That possibility dropped an anvil on your chest. You couldn’t say that you were completely fine were that the truth. How could you be fine with something like that if you loved him? Of course, you would be happy if he was, but your heart would require recuperation for an extended amount of time. Give or take a few years. 
You wandered so far into the depths of your mind that Seokjin’s sudden appearance kicked you back to shore, a yelp leaving your mouth at the same time your Polaroid left your hands. If the camera wasn’t hanging from your neck, you would’ve been in deep shit with your professor as soon as it hit the cold soil. 
Its bulky frame definitely bruised your lower chest on the downswing, though. “Ow. Geez, Jinnie, you can’t just sneak up on people like that.” 
Your eyes widened in realization. Jinnie? Shit, you hadn’t called him that since you guys were dating. Quite obviously, the stockpile of thoughts and worries involving his secret were blocking your brain from better judgment. 
And apparently you weren’t the only one affected by that nickname because Seokjin’s eyebrows shot into his dark locks, his peculiar glance shifting away. Odd. 
After an awkward second, he cleared his throat. “Does it hurt?” 
Is it supposed to? You knew he was inquiring about your injury but your thoughts drifted to what hadn’t been divulged yet. “No, it’s fine,” you lied. “Let’s pick a spot before we lose the light.” 
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You don’t remember how long you walked, but the pair of you ended up far from the original campsite. 
In your defense, it wasn’t like you planned that outcome. The trees matched at every turn, so you kept wandering until you found a good clearing - or at least some rocks to break the forested monotony. 
A foil to your pickiness, Seokjin voiced his thoughts every ten paces, his votes of confidence constantly crushed by your boots. If you had a cent for every time he declared a spot “the one,” you could actually afford the Polaroid dangling from your neck. 
It was at a calm clearing with some patches from last snowfall where you decided to settle. 
Unhooking the strap from your neck, you ushered, “Let’s do this quick. It’s almost over.” 
“I wanna do it first!” You thought Seokjin meant to take the camera from you, but instead he scuttled into the clearing, striking a pose once he reached its center. Of course the fool meant that he wanted his pictures taken and not the other way around. How was any other idea plausible? “Hurry up, you said!” 
“The ‘S’ in Seokjin stands for ‘Selfish,’” you yelled, positioning the Polaroid against your eye regardless. His face enlarged in the lens and, to his credit, you couldn’t argue that he was the clear model between you two. The man could pursue a career in fashion instead of medicine and you wouldn’t bat an eye. 
He looked handsome merely standing there, cheeks dimpling at nothing in particular and his charm ever effortless. Even the slight bags under his eyes didn’t take away from his natural beauty. 
Par for the course with Seokjin. That unbothered self-assurance was one of the traits you liked and hated about him. 
At least, initially. The more you got to know him, your outlook on that defining characteristic was one of admiration, not hatred. You simply needed to start shoving some of that confidence down your own throat like a different type of vitamin C.
After a telltale camera snap, the man threw out his coated arms in another pose. “And the ‘Seok’ stands for ‘Seok in my presence!’” 
“I think I’ve been in it long enough. My fingers are pruny,” you droned while lowering your Polaroid, ignoring his wiggling in the background. It seemed you were still accustomed to his ridiculousness. 
Yet another thing you gave him credit for: he was never afraid to be a dork. When you first met him, you admittedly thought he was faking it. Over time, you recognized his authenticity, and you grew fond of everything wrapped in the gift that was Kim Seokjin.
You waited for the picture to materialize in your hand. When your impatient model approached you and asked why you weren’t shaking the polaroid, you informed him that you should, in fact, not do that. “It’ll damage the final product!” 
“So that song is…” 
“Wrong. Yes.” 
Pure shock flashed across his face. “What other lies have I been told?”  
The captured memory started blossoming, and you watched as the color bled into life. “That you aren’t the funniest person on the planet,” you answered, earning a scoff. 
“In that case, you’ve just been misinformed.” Seokjin huffed before offering an outstretched palm. “Now hand over the camera, it’s your turn.”
“Me?” You didn’t think he was serious when he said swap. In reality, you just assumed he whipped up an excuse for you to take pictures of him. 
And you didn’t mind. It was nice to have that charming smile directed at you, even if only through the lens of a camera. The Polaroid would be your shield, blocking Seokjin from the pain swimming in your eyes, barely afloat in pools of regret and guilt and loneliness.
“Yes, woman! When was the last time you had your picture taken?” 
Slowly, embarrassment swelled across your cheeks when you realized it had been a very long time. Legitimately long. You never asked others to take your picture; rather, you were always the one behind the lens. The last time someone actually offered was… 
“When you took one,” you stuttered out breathily, “At that park.” 
It was during one of the last dates you two went on before you left for university. There was a carnival you were dying to visit, and Seokjin surprised you with tickets and a kiss. 
You remember being so elated while traversing through the whimsical booths, failing fantastically at the rigged games, scarfing down sticky, billowy cotton candy. Squeaky horns and childish laughter filled your ears, and you could still feel Jin’s gentle fingers on your hand as he shyly tugged you under glowing stringed lights. 
The main attraction was a carousel keeping everything else in orbit, its charisma shining like a golden, spinning sun. When night fell, you too gravitated toward its charm, standing behind its barricade to watch horses and teacups endlessly turn. 
It was so captivating that you forgot yourself and where you were - who you were supposed to be spending time with. Swiveling in fear, you scanned the bustling crowd for your boyfriend, realizing that you needn’t worry at all. 
Seokjin simply waited behind you, holding up his phone and telling you to pose. You were so caught off-guard in that moment that your face contorted hilariously right as he snapped the photo. In his eyes, it was the greatest picture of all time. 
However, it wasn’t that well received by its subject. You begged Seokjin to delete it, and he finally caved on the grounds that you took a replacement. Conceding, you stomped back to the gate guarding the twirling attraction and pranked your boyfriend with a blank expression. 
But as soon as Seokjin drawled “You look like you don’t care-ousel,” you burst into laughter - your unabashed mirth becoming his background on every device he owned. 
The scene faded from your eyes as the current Seokjin stood in front of you, gripping the Polaroid instead of his phone. Gone were the lights and sounds of the theme park and, with them, your fleeting moment of solace. 
“Oh,” was all he stated in return, and you swore the temperature chose to drop in that moment just to mock you.
“You know I don’t prefer it anyways.” Your heart was losing its grip, sorrow evident in your shaky tone. You folded your arms to shield your body from the weather and unwanted emotions. “I’m definitely not as photogenic as you.” 
“Nonsense,” Seokjin shot back. “Now hurry up, it’s only golden minute now!” 
And just like that, his warmth melted any awkwardness like spring chasing away winter. 
In retrospect, he probably regarded that moment at the carnival differently, or he just wanted to keep those memories in the past where they belonged. It hurt to be the only one so strongly affected by them, but Jin had the right idea. If there existed a standard list of activities to do with an ex, talking about the past wasn’t one of the options. Especially if you had feelings for said ex. 
Plus, you didn’t forget that there was something he had to tell you. It seemed like you were going to have to wait a little longer for that, and your anxiousness wasn’t pleased.  
As you ambled to the center of the clearing, you focused more on the crunching sounds your boots made rather than your feelings. With a quick survey of the area, you surmised that it really was a pretty spot, the mountain range peeking behind the trees adding depth to the setting. Adjusting your outfit, you took a breath of courage before staring at the eye of the Polaroid.
Seokjin moved the camera from his face and called your name, roping your gaze to his concern. “Smile, okay?” 
On instinct, your throat constricted. You couldn’t hide behind the lens that time. But smile you did, and you hoped Seokjin thought it genuine, silently pleading him to not notice the anguish lingering behind your crescent eyes. 
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The fire pit your friends constructed blazed bright as you both made it back to the campgrounds. Everyone occupied the surrounding logs and, judging from the soft pop pumping from a portable speaker, Jungkook must have commandeered music control.
Jimin turned when he heard your footsteps, his expression indiscernible as he shifted his gaze between you and Jin. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything, only turning back to Yoongi to continue their conversation. 
Seokjin and you parted ways effortlessly: he slotted into the empty space next to Namjoon and you headed to your tent to stow your camera. 
And for some reason, that easy departure was hard to swallow. 
Your pitched space offered warmth upon entry, and you dumped yourself onto your sleeping bag without a word. A few quiet moments passed before you unzipped your backpack, the tiny action feeling so tedious, so difficult to achieve. 
After you finally stored your equipment and closed your bag shut, you just… sat there. Contemplative. 
Mentally, you were in a bad place. Your thoughts and emotions banged into each other, their war rendering you powerless - captive. Fidgeting with the plasticky fabric of your sleeping bag, you thought back to what happened after you two left the photo spot.
It was an uneventful walk back for the most part. The polaroids turned out nice, all thanks to the very rare and very expensive camera you borrowed. Seokjin claimed yours and handed you his, and faced with your sudden curiosity, he sheepishly offered, “You don’t have to keep it.” 
You were more questioning of the fact that he stored yours in his jacket, but you didn’t want to broach that subject. It was beginning to scare you. Maybe it was the fact that he was acting strange, coupled with the other fact that he was hiding something from you. 
Why were you suddenly afraid to confront him? You two were open with each other during your relationship. Were you also wanting to put this dreaded conversation off as long as possible, too? 
If he was with someone else, though, would he still be keeping your picture? 
It was too much to think about, so you tried to lock everything in a box and sit on it. 
You saw the light of the campfire after a few minutes of walking through the woods - a handful of silent, crawling minutes. It was bugging you that Seokjin didn’t say anything on the way back. A quiet Jin was a Jin knee deep in thought, and not in good circumstance. In a moment of weakness, you almost offered out your hand to grab his, but you instead crammed it inside your coat pocket. 
When you both rejoined your friends, it seemed so easy for you guys to separate, like you didn’t just go off and do something so intimate. Even though that wasn’t the word you wanted to use. 
You resigned yourself to the big picture nonetheless: it wasn’t like what Taehyung and Rin did. Your best friend was insanely popular on social media with her carefully curated feed and relatable-yet-unachievable style. Taehyung had his own massive following for different reasons, and you couldn’t deny that he knew exactly what he was doing to gain the hearts of many. They were snapping photos for each other to show millions of anonymous beings across the world. 
You and Seokjin just took photos for each other to have. No one else was going to see those. 
Why did you feel like that was significant? 
The edge of your sleeping bag began to fray under duress, so you plucked your body off the ground and slipped back outside. What you expected was the temperature dipping a couple degrees in nightfall. What you didn’t expect was Jimin waiting for you, puffy jacket and all, leaning against a tree. 
When he saw you emerge from your tent, he straightened and regarded you with caution. “Everything okay?”
You adjusted the front of your coat before fishing a beanie out to cover your ears. “Yeah, why?”
“You were just in there for awhile,” Jimin explained, his eyes searching yours, “And you were with him for a long time.”
“I don’t like being interrogated, Park,” you sighed.
“I know, I just…” He mirrored you and huffed his own breath toward the ground. A quick glance had you noticing that his own beanie was knit as thick as the fog in your mind. “I just want to make sure.” 
Jimin was whom you considered closest next to your best friend and formerly Seokjin. After your break up, Jimin regularly sent you texts to check on you, despite your constant assurance that you were okay. It got to a point where you phoned him and pleaded reprieve - to reach out only if he had something critical to say. 
His broken reply? He only texted you because Seokjin wouldn’t. 
You ended up crying after that call, and the tears annoyingly persisted a couple nights following. 
He was also one of the only two people in the world that knew you loved Jin. Rin was the other, and that’s only because you let it slip during a girls’ night over cheap wine and period piece movies. Something about an early morning confession in a dewy meadow was enough to loosen your alcohol-mottled tongue.
After you ran your fingers over your head, you responded, “Can I ask you something?” 
Your friend’s eyes roamed over your face. “Of course.”
“What’s he hiding from me?”
Jimin instantly clammed up at the question. His dancer frame assumed a rigid position, each limb locking, including his jaw. “It’s not my place to say,” he answered gravely, pulling anger from your center.
“Does everyone else know this secret except me?” You really couldn’t take it anymore, especially knowing that something you supposedly deserved to know was possibly public knowledge. 
“Just the guys,” Jimin divulged, and you scoffed. 
“I can’t believe this.” You made to walk away, in the opposite direction of the campfire. Into the woods again.
Jimin said your name like he just wanted you to understand already, halting you mid-stride. “I’ve been trying to get him to talk to you. Trust me, I have.”
“He’s a grown man, Park. His decisions aren’t your problem,” you whispered. 
“But aren’t they yours?” 
“Not anymore. We aren’t together right now, if you don’t recall.” You knew you were spitting bullshit, and Jimin did, too. If Seokjin wasn’t giving you problems, you wouldn’t have been hiding in your tent or literally and figuratively walking away from him. Guiltily, you turned back to face Jimin and give him his credit. 
He was this way for everyone in your group: the glue that hung on and fought to keep people from breaking apart. Whenever a fight broke out between warring parties, Jimin was the middle man. Always. 
Sighing, you relented, “I’m sorry I’m taking this out on you. I’m just so confused, and the longer he hides whatever he’s hiding from me, the more restless I’ll be.”
“Everyone is on your side in this,” Jimin replied. “He just needs to, I don’t know, woman up.”
A breath of laughter escaped you at the tweaked phrase, the tension coating your shoulders slowly sliding off in clumps. “Did you say ‘woman up?’”
“Men aren’t shit,” your friend explained, pointing a gloved finger to punctuate every syllable. “At least women get things done.”
“I would totally drink to that if I had a bottle in my hand, Jimin.”
“Ah, well that can be arranged!” The boy’s eyes crinkled as he spun on a heel. “Let’s go. Jungkook and Taehyung brought out the drinks awhile ago. I missed out on a few bottles already talking to you.”
“Oh, I feel so remorseful,” you cooed, your voice worthy of giving kids cavities. “Almost as if I cared.” 
“Ass,” Jimin snapped, but he could only laugh. When you joined his side, he turned and whispered, “But seriously. If he doesn’t talk about it by the end of this trip, I’m giving him hell.” 
The temperature dropped again at that moment, and the wind blowing through the pines cut straight into your bones. Your shoulders hunched on instinct and you blinked to get needed moisture. Was it going to snow? The skies above did look intimidating. Was it going to storm? 
A sudden trepidation settled into your gut. “Did we check the weather,” you queried, shuffling through your brain to see if you monitored it yourself before the trip. 
“Uh-umm, I did,” Jimin answered through chattering teeth, “But I didn’t see anything other than it being cold.” 
You pulled out your phone and regretted doing so, your fingers freezing over instantly. You were lucky you all chose a location that was still in signal range - really, thanks went to Rin and Taehyung for incessantly demanding it every year.
Pulling up the weather app after a few tries, you cursed at the oncoming forecast. “Well, there’s more to it. Snow’s coming in,” you relayed to Jimin. “Let’s pack up and find a place to stay.” 
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The car ride to the nearest lodging felt immensely different than the ride to the campgrounds. Some people focused on defrosting, one person worried about the people in the front, and the two said people in the front weren’t talking at all. 
It was you that broke the silence when you steadily gave directions, and Seokjin would repeat them like always. Selfishly, you wanted the car ride to keep going just so you could hear his voice. He wasn’t saying anything otherwise, and there wasn’t music playing for him to absentmindedly sing along to. 
The first snowfall was light as your caravan entered the small town nearby, which relieved you. Tiny snowflakes clung onto the windows and you lost yourself in their geometric patterns. Lights from the shops and other stray cars reflected in the slick roads to create a symphony of color, and white patches already settled on trees that lined the main way. 
Seokjin spotted the lodge first, and he rolled into a spot towards the entrance, Jungkook’s car slotting into the next space. Your driver rolled down his window and repeatedly pointed his finger down to signal for Yoongi to follow suit. “Let’s go in and make sure they have our rooms first,” he called out, and Jungkook leaned over his console to shout a hearty okay.
You hoisted yourself out of the car and waited for the boys to follow. Seokjin went to stand next to you, but instead of Jungkook popping out of the other car, it was Namjoon that emerged. You could only guess that the youngest slyly started a game to have the loser get out. 
Your stomach turned when you realized it was most likely because no one wanted to be left alone with you and Seokjin. 
Remorse burned your throat. This trip was supposed to be fun, but it just felt strained. Were you overthinking? Or was your churning gut correct in its assumption? 
At the very least, you hoped everyone else was having a better time than you were. 
It seemed that the man beside you had the same feeling that a challenge was pitched. “Rock-paper-scissors? Or nose goes?”
Namjoon just laughed at the ground as his face flushed. “Nose goes, and I put my finger on my mouth so, umm, that’s that.” 
You chuckled while you three made your way to the door, both of them towering over you on either side. Seokjin opened the entrance for everyone and, when you stepped foot inside, you were hit with a wave of warmth mixed with an undercurrent of gingerbread. The entirety of the main entrance bathed in plaid or embroidered throws, and there was an obvious affinity for Christmas on display with the plethora of garlands, lights, and a towering Christmas tree in the front bay window. 
Namjoon and Seokjin quickly got distracted by the toy train running through a snowy village setup. Adorable, but not helpful. 
Alone at the front desk, you received confirmation that your group had four bookings, and you thanked the concierge while you gathered the keys. 
The rooms weren’t next to each other. One of them sat on another floor, and the rest were separated but shared the same level. 
A container of pamphlets caught your attention, so you grabbed one before strolling away. “Guys, let’s claim our rooms. After that, you can watch the train all you want,” you called out, tapping them both on the back with the thin brochure. 
They swiveled their heads to your retreating form before following you out the door. 
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“No. We are not doing that again.” 
“Come on, hyung, it’ll be fun!” 
“I’m with Yoongi on this one. We could all end up in the same room.” 
“But what if you get a room to yourself?” 
“Why can’t we ever just pick like normal people? And Hoseok-hyung, you laugh but you have the worst luck out of all of us.” 
“Excuse me! That’s only because you all psyche me out!” 
“Let’s just pick something. My phone’s almost dead.” 
You stood next to Rin while you two watched the boys decide how room assignments were determined. It was a sight to see: them crowding the small hallway, bags littered around their bulky shoes. You both were thankful they were courteous enough to let you two keep a room to yourselves. They even made sure yours wasn’t on the other floor, just so that you girls wouldn’t be alone. 
They were going to pick random rooms one-by-one, not knowing which options the others picked until they opened a door. If you and your friend also had to choose, you were risking the possibility of being stuck with Seokjin, which was the last thing you wanted. 
On a day where your friendship was actually normal, that wouldn’t have mattered one bit. But right then? The tension surrounding him would have been detrimental. 
He had something to say; he wasn’t saying it. You were a sitting, fidgeting duck. 
Jungkook whipped his phone out to search the internet for a random coin flip generator. “Here. Heads, we do it. Tails, we don’t.” 
Yoongi just snickered in defeat and already started picking up his bag. “I call picking first.” 
His intuition proved sharp as the generator pulled up Heads: they were going with the random room assignments. Taehyung kicked his head back with a sigh, and Jimin and Jungkook burst into laughter while the elders collectively groaned.  
As Rin giggled at their misfortune, you sent a rueful smile Seokjin’s way out of habit. You were still friends, after all, and he seemed so distraught over the prospect of horrid results. His eyes locked onto yours and, for a brief moment, he offered a shy grin in return.
The fluttering in your chest was quickly shooed away. 
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It was while everyone relaxed around a public lounge area that Jungkook hurled an accusation, his eyes alight with the flames licking the nearby fireplace. “Hyung cheated.” 
Seokjin immediately sat up in his plush chair and retorted, “Take that back! I did nothing of the sort. You all were just too lazy to take the stairs to the next floor.”
Taehyung shot him a side eye and shared his own eloquent opinion. “Seems sus.” 
A whole new wave of bickering erupted, and you redirected your attention to the snow storm blustering outside tall windows. 
You were thanking every deity above that you guys decided to leave in time. It would’ve been hell in the campsite during this weather, or even while squeezed into the cars. 
Though the original plans were derailed, you were pretty happy with the current lodging situation. Who knew a small town would have a humongous lodge? It had to be assumed that this was the main business keeping the town running. Rin was absolutely drinking it in and stated she even wanted to bring her family there, her thoughtfulness curving your mouth upwards.
Another good thing that came out of this trip proved to be the room assignments that Jungkook ended up loathing. They had you clutching your sides when all was said and done.
Four of the boys managed to pick the same room, and Hoseok and Yoongi snagged a room to themselves. These results resulted in one Kim Seokjin speeding up and down the hallway, wholeheartedly shouting with glee. Yoongi almost crumpled to the ground in relief at the end, and Hoseok fell over in laughter when he entered the full room. You could feel the desperation in Namjoon’s muffled voice as he begged Seokjin to let him change rooms. The only reply he received was an ominous “If you behave.” 
“Don’t blame us,” Yoongi laughed out, both hands lightly gripping the arms of the rocking chair he chose. “This is what you young people get for trying to be cute.” His relief from only having to bunk with one other person left him chipper, you noticed. To his credit, it was amusing that the youngest four ended up in the same room. 
“Okay, gramps,” Jungkook snapped, earning a laugh from Jimin on the seat next to him. “But she definitely gave hyung clues!” 
You whipped your head around to shoot a confused look toward your accuser. “Me?” 
Multiple eyes darted between you two like pinballs, and you didn’t have time to brace for his next words,
“You know you won’t see him again after this trip, so you—” 
“—Kook!” 
All oxygen abandoned you as Jimin rushed to shut the younger man’s mouth, practically slapping his face. Eyes popped out of his head as Jungkook paled in realization. 
The rest of the boys bore glares into the youngest one’s countenance, but Seokjin turned directly towards you with concern. 
What just happened? Your fingers gripped the varnished wood of your chair as you slowly locked eyes with your ex, and your heart dropped like a stone when he shifted his gaze to the floor. 
What the fuck was happening? Your brain was going haywire. What did Jungkook mean? You wouldn’t see Seokjin after this trip? The man that you couldn’t wait to see on the last Friday of every November? That was bogus. He was joking. It was a joke, right? One more weekend before Seokjin was gone from your life forever? Impossible. Ludicrous.
Why wasn’t anyone saying anything? 
Beside you, Rin clutched one of your tense fists in her soft palms. Addressing the group, her sharp tone demanded an answer when she asked, “What the hell is going on?” 
The silence that followed was palpable. Not even the pleasant music drifting through the lodge was enough to damper the tension. 
“I think,” Yoongi finally murmured, his words ice, “This is our cue to leave.”  
“No need,” your friend snipped, “We’ll go.” She whispered your name before softly tugging you to vacate your seat. 
When you pried yourself from the cushion, it took a moment for you to control your legs to actually move. You knew all the guys were watching you, but you were too embarrassed to acknowledge them, too upset to look any of them in the eye. 
Rin led you away from the lounge, making sure you were heading toward the nearest staircase before spinning on her heel. “To the unfortunate soul that gets to explain this to me,” she bit, clutching everyone’s attention in her underlying threat, “Text me where to meet you in ten minutes.” 
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Both you and Rin occupied the carpet, backs against the cookie cutter sofa that existed in each room. 
You two pushed the furniture around so that the couch faced the windows instead of the plain TV, and you surprised your friend by dumping yourself onto the ground instead of the cushions. Rin didn’t question you, though. She only followed suit. 
The curtains were shoved to the side to reveal the relentless storm, and you watched the swirls and streaks of white until your head fell onto Rin’s shoulder. 
“I should’ve been paying attention to you,” she murmured, “I’m sorry.”
You shook your head, the motion feeling awkward in its tilt. “No, no. You’ve been having a fun time, so I’m happy I didn’t ruin that.” Your laugh was dry. “Until now, at least.”
Rin lowered her shoulder so that you rested more comfortably. “How are you feeling?” 
“Like I’m going through a breakup again.”
Fuck. You didn’t realize until the words left your lips that it’s how you really felt. 
It had been a few years since you guys ended things. Throughout that whole time, you didn’t feel awkward one bit.  
Well, that wasn’t entirely true. The “date” that Seokjin brought to the Christmas party last year made you want to tear your hair out. But, that was because she was obviously after his finances and that was the year you realized you loved him. 
The conversation you had with Seokjin turned sour, but you really wanted him to see the big picture. You could still recall that night with clarity, the snow falling much lighter than what you currently witnessed outside. 
“Seokjin, do you honestly think she likes you?” The red dress you wore was so vibrant that it glinted off the dinnerware spread across the decadent table nearby. 
When you pulled your ex aside that night, the only quiet place you could find was the dining room, long abandoned once everyone got their seconds. Up until this point, it was obvious Seokjin wasn’t understanding you. You tried to tell him how you saw it, and he would just brush things aside. 
“You sound like you care more than I do,” he accused, his eyes looking everywhere but your face.
Before you responded, you scoffed. “I’m your friend. Of course I’m going to care.” 
You remember the strong emotions you suppressed that night. You couldn’t let more things slip than necessary. Yes, you could show him you cared. Yes, you could show him he needed someone else. Just as long as you didn’t give too much of your own feelings for him away. “You deserve someone that at least likes you, for you.” 
Seokjin finally stared back at your stormy features, his eyes filled with something unsaid. You sucked in a breath. What else would he say? You liked him for everything he was, but that relationship didn’t pan out. Obviously. You would’ve been going to this Christmas party together if you still dated. 
Maybe you shouldn’t have been having that conversation - it was already hard enough for you to say you were his friend. You wanted to be more than that. Again. 
“I know she doesn’t like me,” he finally admitted, running a hand through his bangs. The urge to caress his ever soft strands filled you with grief. 
You really did like his hair, and it looked even better when coupled with his Nutcracker-esque attire. 
“Then why…” You struggled to find a reason why they were even there together. It was a Christmas party with your friends. Why would he bring someone that he didn’t like? 
“She’s interested in Namjoon.” Seokjin’s eyes quickly turned into crescents when he witnessed your expression, and his full lips pursed to contain his laughter. “I was trying to get her off me the whole night, but she was trying harder than she needed to to make him jealous. I’m irresistible, you know.” 
“Irritable is more like it,” you growled, playfully shoving him aside. “Ass! I was just trying to protect you and you knew this whole time!” 
“It’s nice to know you’re looking out for me!” The man beamed as he made his way out of the dining room. 
“Yeah, well,” you whispered, tensing slightly when he stopped. “They have to be perfect. It’s what you deserve.” And you really did mean that.  
Seokjin’s smile faltered, and you shot him a half-smile before exiting the room yourself. 
That was the last time you guys had an argument, if you could even call it that. The rest of the moments you had with him were completely fine. You wondered if Seokjin could see through you during that conversation. He was perceptive, sure, but you may have gotten away with looking like just a good friend. 
It was just worrisome since you couldn’t control your emotions that night. You only got to see him in person during these November trips and Christmas parties when you went home, after all. Seeing him again after realizing you loved him ignited something within you, and it took the whole night to put that fire out.
This looming news just felt way too heavy to handle. Was it because you reached where the sidewalk ended? You weren’t going to see his face in person or hear his laugh out loud. There wasn’t going to be off-the-cuff, awful dad jokes thrown your way every end of November. 
A nagging idea, far in the depths of your mind, kept tapping your shoulder. But you brushed it off with a scowl. 
Even if you acknowledged the concept, there was no way Seokjin felt the same about you. Neither one of you said you loved each other throughout the time you were dating. Were there times you thought you did? Admittedly, yes. Did you ever think about telling him? Another yes. But he never hinted that he felt the same, so it would’ve been awkward for you if it turned out he didn’t. The absence of a confession kept you from revealing yours. So of course even now, you couldn’t tell him. Especially since he was apparently leaving.
Rin didn’t speak for awhile, but you knew she wasn’t the best at comforting people. She was number one at standing up for you and protecting you, but when it came to the softer parts of consoling, she did flounder. Which was endearing and calming in itself.
“How can I help,” she simply offered, and you nuzzled further into her neck. She always smelled so nice, your guardian Rin.
The adrenaline from Jungkook’s bombshell, your swift exit, and the constant stream of thoughts started to wane. Exhaustion slowly took its place like honey sliding into a jar. Softly, your eyelids drooped and you whispered, “This room is a castle, so be my big bad dragon and don’t let anyone in.” 
The last sound you heard before falling asleep was a tinkling laugh followed by a small “As you wish, princess.” 
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When you regained consciousness, you discovered that you were strewn across one of the beds instead of the ground. You couldn’t even estimate how much time passed while you were out, but the storm outside was still thrashing and the only light in the room was the emergency one by the door. 
You groggily propped up weary limbs in search of your phone, eventually swiping it from the nightstand. Still half-asleep, you barely registered the pain meds and glass of water sitting on that same table, their dark silhouettes waiting patiently. 
Bright pixels mocked your drool-covered chin. Scrunching your face instinctively, you scrolled through your notifications while blinking sleep from your lashes. You received multiple texts, but you didn’t want to open the threads completely, so you opted to check them from the Home screen. 
Jiminie [7:20pm]: Fuck, I’m sorry that happened. Please be okay. Love you.
Tae [7:21pm]: free hugs whenever you need. you know the drill. 
Rin-Rin [7:36pm]: I know you said not to let anyone in but I literally couldn’t carry you to the bed. Forgive me!
Yoongi [7:37pm]: He’s in his room. I kept telling him to tell you. I know it’s shit to find out this way so if he doesn’t explain things to you, I will. 
Hobi [7:39pm]: we’re here for u love!! let me know if u need anything. there’s a small concession stand downstairs so if u need smth i can run it up!!
Jiminie [7:40pm]: Kook is in bad shape. He swore he thought hyung told you already. Don’t worry tho. I’m not letting him off easy.
Rin-Rin [7:43pm]: Hey, love. Just spoke to Seokjin. I think you need to talk to him yourself, but only if you feel up for it. 
Joonie [7:45pm]: I gave Rin a bottle of pain meds we had in our room 
Joonie [7:45pm]: Go ahead and take some when you wake up
Joonie [7:45pm]: We can count this as an emergency
Jiminie [8:21pm]: Let me know if you’re okay, okay?
Kook [8:33pm]: I’m so sorry 
Rin-Rin [8:48pm]: Grabbing us some snacks from downstairs, I’ll brb. 
Your battered heart sank even more when you noticed a distinct absence amongst the names. Seokjin didn’t send you a single message. 
What had gotten into him? Did he still not want to talk to you despite you knowing his secret? You clicked your phone shut without opening any of the messages and sunk into the pillows. It was 8:49pm, so you had barely missed Rin’s departure. Her exit was probably what woke you. 
Unwittingly, you found your device in front of your baggy eyes again, berating yourself for hovering over Seokjin’s thread. The last text he sent stared back at you in a mocking set of pixels. 
Kim JokeJin [Thursday, 9:23pm]: Let’s make this one the best one! 
With the previous context, this was just a regular message about the yearly trip. With the right context, these words tied your throat in a knot.  
You were sure you loved him, but what you were feeling now was even stronger. If you were honest with yourself, you would say that this is what yearning truly felt like, what something deeper than love felt like. 
But you were a fool and a liar, so you convinced yourself it was only because you wouldn’t see him again. 
As soon as you were about to give up and lock your phone, the thread updated with a new text from Seokjin, and you stilled. 
Kim JokeJin [8:51pm]: You’re probably still asleep, so I don’t want to wake you. 
You immediately clicked on his message, your anxiousness protected by the absence of Read receipts. The typing bubble kept popping in and out of the screen and, with bated breath, you waited to see if a second text slid into the thread. A hard exhale whooshed from your throat when the second message came through. 
Kim JokeJin [8:53pm]: But I owe you an explanation so come up when you can. 
Fingers locked your phone in an instant when the door creaked on its hinges. Rin entered with an armful of chips and various candy bars, and as you started to get up, she tutted.  
“Sit down, lady.” Packages crinkled as she dumped them onto your covered legs in a processed, sweet and salty heap. “Did you take the medicine?” 
You shook your head, very sure that you looked like a cranky Troll doll. 
“Go ahead and eat something really quick so the medicine will work. When you’re awake enough…” Rin’s voice trailed off, but you filled in the blanks yourself. Go talk to him was what she wanted to say. 
“Can’t you just tell me what he said?” You were hopeful that Rin would save you the pain of confronting Seokjin yourself. In reality, she denied your request. 
“Not this time,” she murmured, “This is something that needs to come from him.” 
You figured as much, but it didn’t hurt to try getting out of it. It was a conversation that you both wanted and dreaded to have. Under your goosebumps, your bones trembled.
If you were frightened by the mere gist of it, how were you going to react to the real thing?
The reality was that you needed the closure Seokjin was offering. You didn’t think this vacation - or your friendship, for that matter - could regain normalcy until you had this talk. “Sorry I ruined this trip,” you whispered, playing with a corner of the closest bag of chips. 
“I’m sorry, is your name ‘Jungkook?’” Rin laughed. “I’m kidding. It’s not ruined. At the very least, it’s salvageable. Maybe.”
“You should be a weather girl with these confident forecasts,” you joked, coaxing a laugh from your friend. You offered a small smile in return, but your heart wasn’t in it. She kinda forgot that this is the last trip you guys would have with Seokjin. If anything, it was doomed from the start. 
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Little striations ran across the door greeting you, shallow cuts skirting up and down the frame. You roved your eyes over the rough texture; contemplative, lost in the mahogany brown expanse. 
If only you were a sturdy tree. You wouldn’t have to worry about any hard conversations in life. All you would’ve had to worry about was possibly becoming a rickety chair for a spoiled brat, or one of Namjoon’s tables that he would eventually damage and lament over. 
With a breath, you finally knocked. 
It didn’t take long for Seokjin’s freshly showered form to answer, and when you saw him dressed down to a plain white shirt and black pants, you quickly shifted your eyes to the floor. Didn’t he know that outfit was your favorite? Your weakness? 
“Hey,” you simply said. “I’m awake now.” 
He nodded and let you in, the door closing with a soft click. When you crossed the room, you stopped in front of the couch, anticipation already caking onto your clothes. There wasn’t much to say on your end, you figured, so Seokjin had to take the lead. 
Instead of launching into topic, he walked towards you and grabbed a bottle from his nightstand. “Do you want some water?” 
You could only stare at the plastic in question. “Did I come here for water, Seokjin?” 
There was a heavy pause before the man planted his offering on the nightstand. “No.” Sitting on the longer side of his bed, he clasped his hands together, blank eyes glued to the floor. “Jungkook is right. I won’t be able to go on these trips anymore.” 
“Why?” 
“I, umm,” Seokjin answered, his words fumbling, “I kinda got into Harvard Medical School.” 
“What?” Your anxiousness was forgotten as you gawked at him. That was what he was holding back from you? All this time? That amazing, fantastic, crazy news? Without thinking, you bounded toward him and crushed him in a hug, careful to not push him back onto the bed. “Seokjin! This is what you couldn’t tell me?” 
His arms remained at his sides. When he responded, his explanation bounced onto your shoulder, “I literally won’t have a life once I start. None of you will be able to see this face, isn’t that enough to be sad about?” 
Another moment of weakness came over you, and instead of overcoming it, you gave in. Your arms tightened around him and you whispered, “No, I’m so happy for you. You’ve worked so hard…” 
There were bags under his eyes for a reason. You knew the nights he got three hours of sleep far outweighed the nights he got more than that. The reason you two didn’t get to see each other was his relentless studying and discipline, and you didn’t want him to have to choose between you and a future career. You both were way too young for those rash decisions. 
It was with this memory that you were reminded of why you broke up: you wanted him to focus on his goals and you would do the same. “Really, I’m so proud of you.” 
Why you hadn’t let go of him at that point was a mystery to you, but you couldn’t seem to stop. The feel of his body against yours consumed you, held you captive even if his arms didn’t. 
But after a moment, you felt strong limbs wrap around your sides and emotion wrap around your throat. 
You don’t remember the last time you two truly embraced. It was a given that the last time you did, you were both completely different people. Both so young. Both so naive.
“Thank you,” Seokjin breathed, his head finally a beautiful burden on your shoulder, “But there’s more.” 
Tension froze your veins, taking the color from your complexion. Of course there was more. There was no way that was the big reveal, even though it was a monster in itself. “Oh,” was all you managed to squeak out. 
Seokjin’s arms gently pushed your body away so that he could look you in the eyes. You already missed his stronghold, but you listened as he spoke. “My parents want me to go back home. To Korea.” 
You blinked. “Even though you got into Harvard?” 
“No, no, after that,” Seokjin expressed with a level of confidence only he could achieve. Like it was inconceivable that he wouldn’t get his doctorate. He then searched your face, the pause holding weight. “So, I don’t know if I’ll see you guys again.” 
The wind howled outside and you shivered as if you were standing out there in the cold. There was so much that you wanted to say, but all the thoughts you had in your head melded together into sludge. Words struggled to leave your mouth. Nothing processed correctly in your brain. 
Seokjin wasn’t joking - not this time. He really was going to be swamped in work and work and more work. Even the holidays were going to be crammed, and you were sure he wanted to use those rare rest periods solely to recharge. 
Yes, he would still be able to text and call everyone, but that would be the extent of communication. He wasn’t big on social media. Even if he was, there would certainly be a dip in his activity now. 
Just like you felt earlier, you really did feel like you were going through a breakup again. Only this time, the last remains of your relationship were at stake. 
You didn’t want that. 
“We’d still be friends,” you weakly offered, wondering if you were just saying that to convince yourself. 
An empty chuckle startled you, and when you looked at Jin, he directed an empty gaze toward his nightstand’s lamp. “Yeah… We’d still be friends,” he repeated, and the way he said that made your shoulders sag. It was almost as if he didn’t believe you. 
“But Seokjin… You should be so happy. I mean, you’re incredible,” you whispered, a heavy feeling weighing down your chest.
“What if I’m not?” 
You sucked in a breath, suddenly not knowing what to do. Was he saying that hypothetically? No. There wouldn’t be a reason for him to ask if he truly was. 
How were you supposed to respond to that? Being a doctor was his goal - you were sure of it. If he got accepted into Harvard of all places, then his future glimmered as bright as his charm. “What do you mean,” was what you decided to say. Because you needed more from him than that. 
“You said I should be happy. What if I’m not?” 
“This is what you’ve been working towards your whole life!” It didn’t make any sense. None of this was making any sense. Who wasn’t happy that they got accepted to one of the most prestigious medical programs in the world? “You did everything you could, and now you have something to show for it! We even broke up over this. And that’s fine,” you quickly added at the end. You didn’t want Seokjin to feel bad for that at all. 
“What I’m trying to say is,” you continued, wanting to get every logical word out before more irrational ones escaped. “You’ve gotten everything you wanted. You deserve to be happy.” 
You could feel the doors of your heart scraping shut. Even if you wanted to try to be with him again, you would have to give up on that dream. There was no way it was going to work if it didn’t pan out last time. 
Fists clenched, you hated how your heart gravitated towards Seokjin on this damn trip, loathed how your brain produced its own highlight reel. Somehow, they both knew this was the end before you did. 
“I don’t have everything I want, but you’re right. I’ll be happy.” He sounded bitter. Why did he sound so bitter?
“What more could you want,” you blurted, the question materializing between the two of you in bold letters. You were just getting frustrated at this point. 
This was his dream. The ultimate goal. The one thing he wanted out of life.
“It doesn’t matter.” 
“It does to me.”
“Well, it’s none of your concern.”
“I don’t care if it is or not.”
“You really want to know?” Seokjin shot off the bed, immediately towering over your small stature. As your eyes reached his face, you watched as his lips twisted, your shocked features taking in his frustration. “It’s… It’s love, okay? That might sound weird to you, but I’ve realized that all of this is pointless without it. That’s what I’m missing. I want to love again.” He shoved a hand through his hair, his forehead slightly wrinkling under duress. 
The first thing that threw you off was the mere mention of the word. That was so brave of him to even bring it up. With you, of all people: someone he’s dated before. It must have taken so much courage for him to admit that. 
But there was another word in there that stood out amongst all the others.
Again. He said again. Did he love someone before? He couldn’t have been referring to what you guys had. You never once said those words to each other while you dated. So who was he thinking of? And why did it hurt to know that he had loved before and it wasn’t you? 
“I didn’t know you wanted that,” you replied, your voice painfully small. “But I don’t think it’s weird.”
You wanted nothing more than to just confess to him already, but you had no clue what he would say if he didn’t want something with you. The moment escaped like a thief in the night.
“Ah, well, if you knew the whole story,” Seokjin sighed, his breath shaky, “You would definitely think it’s stupid.”
“Why did it end the first time?” You wanted to get to the bottom of it. Maybe through his explanation, you could find something salvageable. You cared about him - so damn much. Seeing him in a state of utter helplessness seized your heart and gripped it tight. “With the one you… you loved. What happened?”
Seokjin’s indiscernible stare pierced through your soul, his silence screaming that he didn’t want to talk about it. 
And you understood his reluctance. The list of activities to do with an ex didn’t include this as an option, either. 
You felt the steely aftertaste of guilt on your tongue. Maybe he wanted you to just leave him alone already. Besides, you already pushed him to tell a multitude of truths that night. Asking him about a past love life was most likely crossing the line. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, uprooting yourself from your spot to leave. “You don’t have to tell me. I’ll leave you alone.” 
You made it three steps before Seokjin responded, “She decided to end it.” 
A vice clamped your chest. You stood in your new spot closer to the door, eyes boring into the floor. “Even though you were in love?” 
That must have been awful. If you loved him when you two broke it off, it would have absolutely hurt. Very much like what was happening to you now, in fact. Because fuck, were you absolutely disintegrating like a paper on fire. 
“I don’t think she loved me,” Seokjin disclosed, his words tightening the clasp around your lungs. “But I loved her.” 
“I’m so sorry, Seokjin.” Tears brimmed across your eyes, but you didn’t want him to see you break. You thrummed with so many emotions in that moment, swept by the current of his words, his heavy tribulations.
He loved someone in the past. You loved him in the present. If only you both harbored a love for each other in at least one point in your lives. 
“That must have been hard.”
“It wasn’t, for the most part.” His brittle words crumbled as they appeared. “I saw it coming.”
You chewed on your lip. Seokjin’s confessions were so full of pain - the amount of love he had for this person was obvious. Looking back on your relationship, you remember your split being mutual. It was mutual, right? There weren't any feelings involved. Whichever other situation Seokjin was referring to had to be sometime after you. 
Maybe it was someone during his college days. But wouldn’t you have at least heard about them through the friend circle? Their name must have just left your mind. You knew Seokjin flirted a lot but he needed to be serious to really start a relationship. This one just sounded tragic. 
“I don’t know what to say,” you admitted sincerely, your chest about ready to collapse, “Other than don’t give up. You can do it. Love again.” The joints in your knees threatened to give out. Telling the one you loved that he could find someone again was too much. Too, too much.
“Ah, yeah. Well.” Seokjin turned away from you in a shrug. Even the back of his profile was perfect. “Thanks for being a good, uh, friend.” 
Friend. Could you teleport to your room and stay there? You couldn’t be the one to give him what he wanted, especially since he was about to be gone for a very long time. No matter how much you wanted to. Oh, how you wanted to. 
You swung around to face the door once again. Critical words almost freed themselves from your lips, but you held them back, swallowed them down. “I’ll always be your friend.” 
Head storming, you commended yourself for keeping your voice level. The tears were able to recede - which relieved you, since you wanted to make it through the rest of the conversation with dry eyes. With one tiny head shake, you whispered, “Let’s get some sleep, okay? I don’t want us to ruin the rest of this trip. Like you said before, we have to make it the best one.” 
Seokjin got up and made his way over to you, and you turned around with a fresh face once you knew he was close enough. The smile he wore was manufactured, but you didn’t want to pry. Instead, you repeated your advice as you both approached his door. Because you wanted him to understand. “Seriously. Don’t give up, you hear me?” 
“Don’t give up,” he echoed as he pulled on the handle, like you were just giving him directions. He stilled for a moment in deep concentration before looking your way. Dark eyes bore into yours and you could almost hear them speak, but he gave one final nod and vowed, “Okay.” 
Little striations met you again when you gave Seokjin’s closed room one last look, and you swore they regarded you with pity. Finally breaking, you let your tears fall the whole way back to your floor, wishing to be made into a sturdy tree in your next life so you never had to feel that way again. 
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The next morning found all nine friends situated in various places around Seokjin’s room. You thought it amusing that the boys never really settled for normal seats, always choosing a table or windowsill perch instead. As an avid fan of the floor yourself, apparently, you were once again plopped on the ground in front of the sofa. Only this time, you weren’t drowning in the depths of your past.  
“Looks like the snow piled up high last night, so we might not be able to use the cars,” Namjoon observed after his long fingers created a tiny crack in the curtains. His argyle sweater blended in with the burgundy fabric and the sight put a small smile on your face. 
The action surprised you since you spent the whole night swathed in a blanket of regret, your arms caging your ribs in an attempt to stopper your bleeding heart. If only you were so bold as to allow a confession to fall from your lips. Three words to solve two peoples’ problems.  
But the risk involved was too high. The hurt following an unrequited love confession would haunt you through every sunrise and sunset. 
Jungkook’s exasperated voice sliced through your thoughts. “What are we gonna do then?” You glanced at him right as he threw himself onto Seokjin’s bed, bouncing the other two occupants  like buoys amongst waves. 
“What we can do: stay in,” Yoongi responded while repositioning himself against the headboard. 
Taehyung’s sigh mingled with Rin’s tsking noise, Jungkook’s deeper groan almost in harmony with the both of them. Their melancholic concerto almost pulled a laugh out of you, but the next suggestion came from Hoseok, “I brought some board games we could play. Cards, too.” 
Seokjin quickly shot him a look. “You don’t play board games. Or games. Or cards. Actually, what do you do?” 
“I look after all of you.” Hoseok’s head always bobbed when he spoke to accentuate his points. “Hence why I brought board games and cards just in case!” 
You couldn’t refute the man’s claims, either. Hoseok always made sure everyone packed what they needed before trips but brought extra stuff in the event that the group needed something else. Helping was just part of his nature. Yesterday was one example. Rin got the snacks last night, but you were sure he would have woken up at any point in time to be your comfort food delivery man. If being a leader were a sport, Hoseok would be the dark horse that you never saw coming until they finished first. Then you couldn’t deny their talent and skill. 
Taehyung didn’t let the dark horse live, though. “Thanks, hyung. Did you pack a snowblower, too?” 
Rin’s laugh could always be heard amongst your friends, but not because she was a girl. Hers was just so distinct and heartwarming, like a cozy throw or the thought of cookies in the oven. It was only slightly better than Jimin’s. 
Speaking of which: Jimin was eerily quiet throughout the whole meeting, his gaze lingering on you more than once. You noticed it ever since you burst into Seokjin’s room and lauded the man’s scholastic advancement. Which couldn’t be helped. No matter how painful last night’s conversation was, you still wanted him to know how proud you were. After all, a person could be sporting a dagger through their heart but still have love to give.  
You didn’t know why Jimin was acting strange. The big secret was unveiled but you would come to terms with it. Was he afraid of how you would be feeling? Or was he just sympathizing with you because he assumed you weren’t exactly fine? Talking to him later to iron things out was going to be essential. The multiple glances he threw your way proved too much.  
“I have a pamphlet we can look through,” you responded, waving it in the air like a white flag. The decision to bring it just in case proved to be the right one, even if Rin threw a small fit from having to fumble through her bag for the room key again. Warmth from the thick hoodie swallowing both your body and your bent legs validated the first time you went back into your room. 
Rin stuck her tongue out at you but smiled right after in her best Sour Patch Kid impression. Cute. You breathily laughed before unfolding the flimsy paper. Shifting your eyes along the colorful pages, you started listing out the lodge activities. “Okay, so we have… Kayaking: no. Lake yoga: no. Mountain biking: no…” 
Even though the lodge boasted a huge amount of things to do, the majority of them required there to not be four billion inches of snow outside. Only a few remained, and majority rules determined ski slopes the winner. 
The only issue with the slopes was that they only allowed groups of three at a time. To remedy this, groups were formed and a rotation was set based on a heated tournament of rock-paper-scissors. And while Hoseok didn’t play board games, cards, or even video games, he seemed to be a pro at that. 
He picked Seokjin and Yoongi for his group, and they were going out first, to the eldest’s horror. You saw his anxiousness coming from miles out - tackling snow with one board was much more up his alley than tackling it with two. 
Next, Jungkook chose Namjoon and Jimin since he wanted to somehow “win” on the slopes. They gave him much grief for that. 
And that left you with Rin and Taehyung, but they wanted to check out the spa area first, so your group was going to catch up later. 
Which wasn’t ideal for you. You wanted to watch Seokjin ski. Or really, you just wanted to see him as much as possible before the trip ended. Seok in his presence, like he said. Maybe being pruny in this case was a beautiful thing. 
Room Service knocking on the door interrupted your thoughts, and Jimin let them in to serve the breakfast Seokjin ordered for everyone prior. While the dishes were distributed, the group was already firing bets and insults and digs at each other as if a clear winner would emerge outside. And you welcomed every bit of their energy. Chewing on food while basking in everyone’s competitive nature was enough of a distraction from your woes. At least, until you caught Jimin deep in thought again.
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The spa was decent, so you three ended up staying for almost an hour. Both the sauna and facial massage served to ease the thick layer of tenseness under your skin. If only you could transport yourself into a cloud of steam every time you thought about Seokjin. Maybe that would’ve helped with the anxiousness and guilt you felt every time you thought about confessing. 
And you were grateful for Taehyung tagging along because he really did offer free hugs often. Even while Rin scanned over the receipt for everything you guys did, the man slung a lean arm around your shoulders. 
His voice glided over your hair when he leaned in to ask, “How did it go last night?” 
You sighed before responding, debating on how to answer him. You decided to take the easy route. “Good. Better than I expected. I just can’t believe it took him that long to tell me! I was so worried this whole time.” 
Taehyung squeezed you gently. “Finally. We kept telling him to just admit it already.” 
Rin was in the middle of paying when you smiled. Her hair gleamed in the incandescents, and you reached out to touch it as you admitted, “It’s just weird that he wanted to hide that from me.” 
“Well, you’re his ex, so he thought it would’ve been awkward.” 
A laugh shot out of you, and Taehyung gave you a look. “Seokjin’s so strange. He knows I’ve been rooting for him this whole time. I mean, Harvard? That’s incredible.” 
Normally, friends would converse about achievements and be sincerely happy about them. But something else happened in that moment that set alarm bells off in your head. Whether it was Rin becoming a block of ice in front of you, or Taehyung slowly peeling his arm off of your shoulders, you suddenly got a feeling that something wasn’t right.  
When Rin spun around to face you, the expression painted on her face reminded you of those Renaissance pieces you saw during one museum date with your ex. Her eyebrows artfully scrunched; her full lips twisted. Was she on the side of the angels, battling demons? Going to war? 
No, she was just trying to clarify something. “He didn’t say anything else?” 
You gulped. “I mean, yeah?”
“What did he say?” Taehyung furrowed his dark brows, his own face a work of art in itself. 
“That his parents are making him move back to Korea when he’s done with his doctorate,” you revealed, suspicious of the both of them and Seokjin now. You kept your tone level to hide any emotions under the surface. “Why, is there more?” 
Once again, you were swept under the wave of confusion. The waters there were dark and cold, and you felt like you couldn’t swim to safety this time. It was as if cotton clogged your ears and a thin film coated your vision. You didn’t even register Taehyung furiously typing on his phone while Rin led you all out of the spa’s reception area. 
“Do you want there to be more,” was all she offered before sitting you down on an earthly toned loveseat. The fluffy rug under your shoes snagged most of your attention. 
“I don’t know how to answer that, but I guess not,” you finally grunted, feeling angrier and angrier from being left in the dark again. Comparable to a disease, this dangerous feeling was taking over you, trickling into your veins drop by black drop. “Honestly, I kinda just want to go back to the room until we meet for dinner. Whatever you guys are hiding is starting to piss me off.” 
“Let’s go,” Rin agreed, urging you to get up and follow her to the room. But you shook her off. 
“I’ll go by myself.” Buzzing with anger, you shuffled through your bag to grip your key. “Just let me be alone for a bit.”
Taehyung looked absolutely livid, but he nodded along with Rin. You didn’t watch the two of them share a knowing glance as you drug your crumpling form to the stairs, hoping pieces of you didn’t crumble off before you reached your temporary bed.  
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From the moment your tired bones hit your comforter, time traveled at a strange pace. You didn’t know how long you spent lying prone on the sheets, your head lolled towards the window. Watching the light snowfall outside did nothing to bring you out of your dark space. 
Being left out, confused, and feeling betrayed left you mentally drained. How long were you going to feel like this? Like you were just going to keep being lied to? Maybe you weren’t outwardly lied to, but omitting something was still considered a lie. The truth was still held captive and you couldn’t even pay it a visit. 
Rin and Taehyung reacted strongly to what you said. That had to mean whatever else Seokjin was supposed to say to you was big. You weren’t stupid. At least, that’s what you concluded. 
But what if you were this time? 
You loathed this feeling. You hated being looked at with pity. Even Rin knew what was left unsaid this time, so you were truly alone in the dark. 
A dark monster within you rose to life, and you ripped yourself from the sheets. Snatching your coat from the couch, you jerked your arms inside, striding toward your door with purpose. A ball of fury, you were determined to march up the slopes and confront Seokjin. Everything was getting ridiculous. 
Tugging the door open, you flinched at the figure waiting on the other side. A brief moment of silence and bewilderment and worry washed over you, quelling a small part of your harbored anger. “What happened to you?” 
Seokjin stood in front of you wrapped in his puffy coat, hair in disarray and a small gash on his cheek. His nose was red with the cold and a small cut, and his eyes looked as if he had been holding back tears. Tears? Was he crying? Even now, it seemed like a few were threatening to fall as his gaze lowered. A ghost of a voice wafted from his mouth as he replied, “Jimin.” 
You winced. Remembering the glances the younger man gave you this morning, you should have seen a conflict brewing. Your friend wasn’t lying when he said he’d give Seokjin hell. Something must have broken out when they were on the slopes, or anytime you weren’t there with them. “Shit. I’m sorry.” 
If you didn’t have that revelation with Rin and Taehyung, you would have been absolutely thrown by Seokjin’s appearance and the cause of it. But it seemed that both groups found out what he told you last night and neither were pleased with the result. What that result was, you couldn’t determine yet. But based on your own categories, “I got into Harvard” and “I’m moving back to Korea” fit in the Should Know box. The Deserved to Know box was still accepting applications. 
“Come in.” Your fury had to simmer on a proverbial stove for the time being. “I have a first aid kit in my bag.” 
You hurried him into the room before making a beeline for your duffle. The adrenaline built while you were fired up was still thrumming your bones like guitar strings. Nothing more was said as your bag crinkled with your rummaging, even though you wanted to just wring answers from his neck already. 
But you couldn’t. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts, both the past woes you were fighting and your current worries. 
As Jin awkwardly stood in front of your bed, you kept pondering. What the hell happened out there? How did it end up in a physical altercation? Did Jin fight back? It was already obvious Jimin initiated it, but you wondered if he sported any bruises, too. Not from Seokjin, though. Because you couldn’t ever see him throwing a punch. You were more curious about someone like Yoongi. The elder one was incredibly protective of Jin.
When you found the kit, you spun around to start tending to your ex’s face. “Bed,” you ordered, pointing towards yours with the first aid box. Your tone was harsh, but you weren’t holding it back.
The man was silent as he delicately sat on the comforter, and you instantly noticed how he refused to look at you still. 
No matter. Treating his cuts was a priority, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to force him into confrontation right after. Seokjin wasn’t going to have a choice. 
Perching yourself next to him, you propped one leg up to steady yourself, clicking open the small kit next to you. It wasn’t as fancy as the one he carried along, but it housed the basics. Fetching some antiseptic and cotton first, you told him to turn towards you so that you could start. 
And despite your anger, your exasperation, your frustration, the hands you lifted to Seokjin’s face were nothing but calm. 
Throughout the time you dusted his cuts, you kept your gaze on his cheek, his mouth, his nose. A wall erected around you that you refused to take down. After all of the hurt Seokjin had caused, the turmoil he had put you through, it was pertinent you wouldn’t let him in. You had your soldiers’ arrows at the ready, directed right at his wounded face. 
But if you so much as flitted your gaze toward his eyes, your walls would crumble to dust. Your gates would slam open in surrender. 
Because having him this close to you after all this time was like coming home. And you harbored that feeling ever since the scent of his cologne consumed you. Your face hovered inches from his, your fingers gently pressing his features. All of the nights you yearned to be this close were so lonely and cold, and his warmth was tugging your heart by multiple strings. 
His looming absence was hitting you deeply then. If you gave in only to lose him again, the pain would surely hollow out your soul until you were a mere shell of yourself. You wanted nothing more than to sink into the mattress and slip down into the soil underneath the lodge. 
Suddenly, a hand cradled your cheek, and you shook on impact. Without thinking, you locked eyes with Jin, and it was then that you realized he was wiping hot tears from your face. 
“If I’m the reason for these,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.” 
Something strangled escaped you, and you finally caved. “You are,” you exhaled, unable to stop the tears from falling. “You really are.”
You tore yourself from the bed, instantly feeling the lingering warmth of his fingers fade. A chasm was created between you two: your chest heaving on one side and his face crumbling on the other. The mountain of thoughts and feelings you created broke down under pressure, emotions roaring down its slopes in a cathartic avalanche. “I’ve been looking like a fool this whole trip, and apparently everyone is feeling so fucking sorry for me. Why can’t you just tell me everything? What did Yoongi mean? What do I deserve to know? You told me you got into Harvard and have the audacity to say you aren’t happy? What the hell is that about? We’re supposed to be friends, so why am I feeling like you’re letting that all go?” You choked on your tears and clasped a hand over your mouth, a burn blossoming in your chest from the dry sobs. 
Seokjin’s eyes ringed with a burgeoning shade of pink, both of his pupils glossed in guilt. “I’m not… I’m not letting that go, but--”
“But what, Seokjin,” you gritted out, “Please stop and just tell me already.” 
“But I was too scared,” he admitted, “I’m still scared.” 
“Why are you scared?” The question drifted to his face, and you could tell he was struggling to answer even that one. It pained you to be this close yet so far from the answer.
“Why are you scared, Seokjin,” you whispered again, realizing that his hands were shaking. 
“Because…” You watched as he clenched them on his thighs, and he struggled to get the words out. “Because it’s going to happen again.” 
Enough with the obscurity. Frustration reached a boiling point. “What’s going to happen again?” 
“Exactly what happened last time!” Seokjin declared as his eyes pleaded with you, eyebrows furrowed and kneeling in anguish. The skin encasing his watery eyes remained that same dusty shade of affliction. 
You couldn’t for the life of you understand what he was saying, until you remembered last night. When you asked him about the time he loved before. 
Wait.
Your hand made a slow descent from your face as you matched Seokjin’s stare. A million words skittered across your eyes, transforming into liquid and sliding down your skin. You were sure you looked an absolute wreck with your tear-stained cheeks and reddened nose, but that didn’t concern you at all. The only thing you could hang onto was Jin’s words, just short of a confession. 
But you had to be sure. You weren’t settling for five words that could mean a thousand other things while arranged the same way. “The one from before,” you more stated than questioned, “Where is she now.” 
Seokjin never broke his gaze, doing an incredible job of keeping tears at the edges of his eyes. Heavy breaths caused his chest to swell with each pass. Voice low, he finally, finally caved, “She’s the one on the polaroid I have in my room.” 
The entire conversation from last night struck you like a freight train. So many realizations hit you at once and you didn’t know how your trembling legs were keeping you upright. 
It was you. He was talking about you. 
Your coat smothered your limbs like a cage, your whole being rattling inside like an animal starved. 
That was what he was truly hiding from you. That was what he had buried deep down into his chest. And you couldn’t blame him one bit after you realized it was exactly what you were holding from him, too. 
No matter the reason, you still kept your own truth hidden. It occurred to you then that you couldn’t be angry - that would just be hypocrisy. There was bravery in confession, and even more so to someone you no longer were allowed to feel that way about. 
You were the one that forced the truth out of Seokjin, and now you only felt like a coward. 
Movement in front of you snapped your vision back into focus. He was getting up to leave. Why was he leaving? 
“I knew this would happen,” he said, his voice strained. “I’ll go. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.” 
Oh. He assumed your silence was from guilt. Guilt that you didn’t feel the same. And he was about to walk out with that egregious misconception. What an absolute fool.
But no matter how hard you tried, the words wouldn’t budge from the back of your teeth. 
You had two choices here. One, you told him. You laid everything out and you admitted that you felt the same. Then tomorrow, he would leave your life and you may not see him again for years. And you tried this before - being in two separate schools and living different lives while holding onto your relationship. It obviously didn’t work last time, and you still saw him from time to time. This situation would be a thousand times harder. 
Which brought you to the second option: you let him go. You let him leave without telling him how you felt. Rip the bandage off right there and then. Leave him to pursue his dream, and with that the freedom to go and find someone else to love. Was that what you wanted? Was this your own sick version of loving him? All the villains in the universe would applaud you as you lied to his face while telling him not to give up. How fucking cruel would that be?
“Seokjin,” you called out, and your chest subtly heaved when he turned to stone by the door. His broad back remained still as you took a step towards him, and only after you roamed your eyes over his shoulders did you notice small movements. But he didn’t face you. It was almost as if he didn’t want to.
Agony consumed your entire being as you made your decision. 
You shut your eyes, clenched your jittering fingers into hard fists. 
“See you at the campfire,” you whispered, your voice unfamiliar even to yourself. 
The only response you got was the soft opening and closing of your door.
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Compared to last night’s lion of a snow storm, tonight was but a mere cub. There were small flakes here and there taking their time to descend, and the fixtures from inside the lodge were the only light source beside the fire pit you were approaching downstairs. 
Situated in the center of your friends, the flames danced across their jovial smiles as they passed bottles around. The drinks weren’t the lodge’s, but the ones you all brought and snuck out of the rooms - the telltale green glass was enough of a hint. 
After Seokjin left, it took you a couple minutes to let everything out, and about thirty minutes crying into Rin’s shoulder once she witnessed your crumpled form on the floor. She listened to your recap of the conversation and Jin’s final secret, and through broken sobs you told her you couldn’t tell him yours. When she asked why, you told her your reasoning. When she called you an idiot, you wholeheartedly agreed and cried even harder. 
But you still stuck with your decision. It was for the best. You loved him so much that you wanted what was best for him, and that was to let you go. 
“Promise me one thing,” Rin murmured, earning a nod from you. “Only go through with it if you know you won’t regret it.” 
A sharp pain sliced through you then, but you acquiesced. “I won’t.” 
She then grabbed your Polaroid from the bed. It was Namjoon’s idea to bring it to the campfire once he heard you brought it on the trip. “Are you okay with this?” 
“Yeah,” you gulped, regarding the old piece of the past with heavy eyes. Seokjin confessed to you with the help of that camera. You weren’t okay with the mere idea of touching it. “Yeah, it’s fine. I want everyone to enjoy themselves tonight, so. Yes.” 
Even if that meant you suffered. This was Seokjin’s last trip with everyone, not just you. Why keep them from making good memories just because you were a walking dark cloud?
You reached the bottom of the rickety stairs, the squeaky noises catching the attention of the boys. Most of them raised their bottles to you, but you caught Jin staring at the fire instead. 
If you got through this night in one piece, it would be a miracle.
Namjoon stood as you and Rin settled into your seats. “Okay. Since we’re all here now, I say we start.” 
As everyone gave their cheers, the eldest just looked confused. “Start what?”
“Something for you,” Yoongi explained, his body already comfortable in his Adirondack. “Since you aren’t joining us for these anymore.”
“Ah, yah,” Seokjin protested, “You don’t need to do anything—”
“Don’t lie, you already love this,” Jimin cut in, all smiles despite the companion bruises and cuts on his face to Jin’s. “Although, your opinion may change in a second.”
Jungkook paused his leg bouncing to shout, “Let hyung explain!” 
You smiled as the group settled, but noticed that Jimin was looking at you strangely. You didn’t have time to process it, though, since Namjoon headed things off while a bottle rested against his chest, “Jin-hyung. We just want you to know that we’re proud of you. Even though we may not see you for awhile, you’ll be in our hearts and on our minds. Starting tomorrow, you’re already Dr. Kim to us, so I say we all call you by name tonight.”
Laughter and claps filled the air, drowning out Seokjin’s weak protests. 
Namjoon cleared his throat to calm the air, and you watched small flakes catch in his hair as he continued, “We’ll each do two things: give you advice, and ask for advice. Since you’re clearly educated, we figured you’d have a lot to say.”
“Oh, I’m just lucky.” 
“And keep sharp, everyone. Miss Photographer over there will be taking pictures.” Namjoon nodded at you, and you gave a short smile while holding up the Polaroid. You were fine doing this; behind the lens was your safe space. 
The boys and Rin slowly got through their questions and advice, and you were shocked by how insightful Seokjin was being. You never truly realized the magnitude of his intelligence. Every person around the campfire hung on his every word, and it didn’t help that you all took a swig after every good point he made - many, many times. You diligently fired away on your camera, making sure to get Seokjin with everyone so they could all have a moment captured with him. 
When Jimin’s turn came, he shot you a glance before looking at your ex. “Jin. That sounds weird to say. Jin-hyung.” He looked at the ground before continuing, and you knew it was to compose himself. “My advice to you… Sorry,” he buried his head in his elbow for a brief moment. Yoongi looked away. 
“I kinda gave you advice already,” Jimin trudged on, “And you took it. So, my next piece of advice would be to, uh, keep going.” 
You were rooted to your chair. Seokjin didn’t spare you a single glance during that exchange, but you knew it was about you. It had to be how he ended up at your door earlier. He even said Jimin was the one responsible for his wounds. 
“Thank you, Jimin,” Jin replied. “As for my advice to you, it’s okay to let people figure things out on their own. You don’t have to put it on yourself to be the one that keeps people together. If something ends up breaking, you’re going to think it’s your fault.” 
Jimin regarded him with watery eyes before nodding and wiping his freezing tears. And when he looked your way, he saw you only looking at Seokjin. Your face was slowly cracking, and the shadows in your facade were exacerbated by the flames. 
It was your turn; everyone else went. The Polaroid felt like a boulder on your thighs.
You blinked before setting the camera down and clutching your bottle. Since Seokjin was on the other side of the fire, you had to stand to see him, your tenseness on full display. 
What could you possibly say in that moment that he wanted to hear? That he was willing to listen to? You were certain you took his heart and slammed it into the ground earlier. It would be better if you just didn’t say anything. 
“Seokjin,” you started, pausing to collect yourself. “My advice to you is to forget the advice I gave you before.” 
Several pairs of eyes looked at you then. Even Jin finally regarded you, the most aware of what you were referring to.
“What I’m trying to say is: it’s okay to give up sometimes, because not everything that you want to happen is going to happen. There will be times you will just have to let things go. And that’s okay. Because maybe letting things go would end up for the best.” 
Jimin’s eyes bore into your soul. He sat so still that it put all the statues throughout history to shame. 
Seokjin grabbed his bottle with both hands, elbows resting on his knees. “Interesting advice.” His eyes danced as they took in the warm flames. “I might even follow it.” 
Both of your lungs threatened to give out at his words. Your hands almost dropped the glass you were barely clinging to, but you never looked away from Jin. It was as if your attention was chained to his body, your soul weighed down by his earlier confession and now his possible break. 
If he followed your advice, shouldn’t you be happy? It’s what you wanted in the end, right? You would let him go, and he wouldn’t look back. 
Snow drifted onto everyone’s chairs and the fire crackled in front of you. A small breath left you in a wisp of white. Warmth did its best to help you, but the cold was too strong. No amount of fire in the world could melt your icy conscience - you truly left Seokjin in the dark. He practically admitted that he loved you, and in return you gave him nothing. Of course he would consider your advice.  
“But I like the sound of not giving up. It has a ring to it that exists beyond the sound it makes when someone says it,” he cut himself off, the silence deafening. Inside, bells rang in your head. What was he implying? Seokjin’s voice was as clear as blue skies when he continued, “So, I guess I’m stealing your advice and giving it to everyone here.” 
Your gaze shifted to the side as everyone turned towards Seokjin. This was something you weren’t prepared to digest. Settling back down into your chair, you tried to even out your breathing and neutralize your shaking fingers. 
Your feelings were warring with each other in a confusing battle. If you wanted him to follow your advice, why were you relieved when he said he liked not giving up? Did that mean you hoped he still waited for you? Years and years and years from now? 
“Take it from me: don’t give up,” he advised. “But what I mean by that is to not give up until you’re happy.” 
Guilt squeezed your eyes shut, clamping your lids down. He was going to wait. Love was the one thing he wanted to be happy. And you held your love for him tightly in your hands, behind your back and hidden from sight. 
But even still, in the midst of your silent rejection, this man wasn’t letting go. Without saying the words, Seokjin was going to wait for you. Because he still loved you. 
This was too hard. 
“To being happy,” Jimin boisterously cheered, startling everyone and causing your bones to rattle. His glass remained high in the air, and everyone joined in with their own proclamations. 
“To being happy,” you whispered alongside the others, quickly taking a swig.
Yoongi was the next one to pipe up as he declared, “Okay, now that all that’s done, let’s just drink for fuck’s sake.” 
Amongst the laughter and “thank god”s thrown about, you quickly downed the rest of your drink like it was your lifeline. You needed more than liquid courage to get through the rest of the night. The camera by your feet was snatched up by Jungkook before Taehyung could get to it, and you prayed to every higher power that they kept it in one piece. 
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As everyone made their way back to their rooms, you noticed Seokjin joking and laughing with the others like normal. It was a continuation of the rest of the night, since after the advice conversation it was nothing but fun. Your Polaroid almost ran out of film, for one, but watching everyone fight over the photos was entertainment in itself. There were digs toward Jin until he turned red, jabs thrown at Jimin’s fragile emotional state, and Rin’s warm laughter coating everything in a soft glow. 
And it was a bittersweet event. There was nothing more you wanted than to capture that moment and place it in a snowglobe. The world wouldn’t interfere with your friends, and none of you would ever leave. 
Seokjin was about to head up the stairs to tuck in for the night. Full of soju and stupidity, you blurted, “Leaving already?” 
He stilled before turning toward you. “Oh. Yeah.” He regarded you with a look you couldn’t completely decipher. “Long day tomorrow.” 
“Right,” you replied, hating the sudden hollowness you felt. Or didn’t feel. 
“Well… Good night.” Seokjin tapped the banister twice before heading up, and you softly wished him good night before speedwalking to your room. You were only tipsy, so the fast trip didn’t bother you. The camera in your hands kept your center balanced the whole way back.
By some strange miracle, you kept it together the whole time after everyone’s campfire speeches. You imagined yourself as an ice sculpture, surrounded by the guests of honor. Everyone gave you a glance and thought nothing else of you. They could only see composure and poise. Only when they got closer could they see you slowly melting, rivulets of remorse cascading down your entire frame.
Rin was in the middle of her skincare routine when you entered your room. As soon as she heard your footsteps, she made a noise indicating she had something to say. The product around her mouth didn’t let her yet, though. Which meant you had to wait. 
You stood in the doorframe of the bathroom, vision spinning just a smidge. This was probably a talk you didn’t want to have, but you gave your friend her podium. It was only fair. Her serious talks were few and far between. 
But she didn’t have much to say when she finished getting ready for bed. In fact, she only said three sentences. 
“It’s 11 o’clock,” she stated plainly, her tone indicating she was done with the calmer approach. Bluntness was more her style. 
“Okay?” 
“We leave at 7 in the morning.” 
“And?” 
“It means you have eight hours to decide how you’re going to feel for the next ten years.” 
Silence. 
All you could respond with was silence. 
Dead air. Sober. You were sober now. In that moment, you may have held your breath for a century. Too many thoughts flooded your brain, from past memories at a carnival to future images of an empty apartment with a bed fit for one. 
It was stark. Blank. There wasn’t going to be a future with Seokjin, no matter what you said. 
But when Rin put it that way, would you feel better if he knew the truth? Or would you keep this idiotic stance and lock your feelings away forever? 
For the third time that night, your fingers rattled. Rin took them into her comforting palms. 
“Go,” she murmured, and she smiled as she witnessed you burst into the hall. 
Your strides were incredibly long as you hurried down the corridor. The doors blurred on either side of your vision, the pattern of the floor elongated with your fast pace. Your camera thudded into your chest over and over. Step after step after step got faster and faster as your anxiousness bubbled into your brain. The last turn before the stairs made you skid, and you rushed up the rickety steps. Your heart was thrumming, scratching at your chest to set it free. 
When you got to his door, you were certain you woke sleeping neighbors with your rapid knocking. But you couldn’t stop yourself. Nothing could possibly stop you now.
You had no plan. There wasn’t time to think. All you wanted was to see him. All you could think about was letting everything out. Eight hours. You had eight hours.
Seokjin tugged the door open, pausing mid-swing when he saw your face. He looked so beautiful. Full of warmth. Like home.
“Jinnie.” 
You didn’t mean to call him that, but you didn’t take it back. You weren’t taking anything back anymore. His eyes roamed over your features multiple times, searching for any indication that this was a dream. But it wasn’t. The words finally slipped from your lips. 
“I’m not following your advice. Or my own.” 
His eyebrows furrowed, but you pushed on. 
“I’m giving up. But I’m giving up because I can’t let you go.” When Seokjin stared at you, it was impossible to look away. 
His response came out in a rush, “What are you… what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I love you.” You huffed out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Damn it, I— I just love you. I love you so much it hurts.” 
A shaky exhale left you at the look on his face. The quick descent into realization formed in the corners of his eyes, tears pooled at the edges before quickly streaming down his cheeks, collecting at the crux of his chin. Glassy orbs bore straight into your soul in search of answers, of truth. And if he wanted those answers, you already admitted the biggest one, so words were easier to come by.
“I’ve felt this way ever since our trip last year,” you started, slowly inching toward the wreck of a man. Not like you fared any better with the streaks forming on your own cheeks. “And I know it’s the stupidest thing to tell you now since you’re leaving, and we failed at long distance before, but--” 
Seokjin breathed out your name, and his next words would stay imprinted in your mind forever. “I still want to try. And I’ll try as many times as you’ll let me.” 
“I know. I know that now,” you whispered. 
Passion and warmth bloomed in your chest, spiraling out into the far reaches of your limbs. Hundreds of nights imagining him accepting you again didn’t prepare you for this feeling. Nothing was holding you back; your walls came crashing down. 
You finally broke and shielded your face in your hands, and you felt sturdy arms shield you from the world. The cruel, beautiful world that brought you two together right before he disappeared from your life again. You cried, and sobbed, and wheezed. The elation from his confession only magnified the pain of his departure. 
You felt the weight of the Polaroid leave your chest as Seokjin lifted it from your neck. “Come inside,” Seokjin whispered into your hair, earning a hiccup from your chest. “Please.” 
It was only then that you noticed you were still out in the hall. A small nod from you was all he needed to guide you into his room, and your throat constricted at the bags lying open on the bed. 
Seokjin was already packing. Packing while thinking he was going to go through the same thing he went through last time. You felt absolutely sick. How could you even think of doing this to him? If there was a way to make it all up to him, you would do it. “I didn’t want to tell you before,” you confessed, burying your nose into his chest. “But that was wrong of me. You almost left without knowing. I’m so sorry.” 
Strong, lean fingers traveled through your hair as your camera was placed on a table. The heavy clunk it made reached your ears, and a whisper followed. “I didn’t want to tell you, either. You don’t need to apologize.” 
“If I told you earlier, we would’ve had more time. Now I’m just sad.”  
“Look at me.” Jin caressed the back of your head, naturally lifting your gaze. His watery eyes took yours in, and he leaned forward to kiss the top of your hair. “We still have tonight, so if we’re going to be sad, let’s wait until after.” 
“But you’re crying, too,” you observed, feeling slightly better from his words. How Seokjin was able to have that effect on you, you would never understand. 
A light huff from him made you melt. “That’s because I’m so happy,” he confessed, softly laughing again and wiping his eyes with both hands. 
He was happy. Seokjin was happy. You looked at the growing smile under his fingers, and you had no choice but to grin and join in his laughter. 
Not because it was funny. But because it was unbelievable. You were able to gift him the last piece he was missing - he was finally able to find that happiness. How were you about to deny that from him? Now it seemed unfathomable.
When you looked at his hands again, you noticed there were lingering cuts. Worry washing over you, you cradled one in your palms and asked as Seokjin looked at you, “Should I take care of this, too?” Though the man had more than enough knowledge on playground injury care, you still offered because you wanted to be there for him in any possible way.
He replied instantly, “I took care of everything. Jimin, too. You saw him being his usual self earlier.” 
“He said he’d give you hell if you didn’t talk to me on this trip. I didn’t think he would go this far, though.” You reached up to run a thumb along the small gash on Seokjin’s cheek, the blood drying into a deep red. “I’ll make him regret it later.” 
Jin leaned into your touch, causing sparks in your skin. “Don’t,” he whispered, “He’s the reason I ended up at your door.” 
You just nodded and lost yourself in the feel of his soft face. It was incredibly smooth under your fingers, even better than when you held his cheeks all those years ago. To think that this man loved you ever since then, and continued to do so until now, was unbelievable. But it was true, and no amount of words could account for how you felt about that. 
Those eyes overflowing with adoration and affection were solely for you, and diving into them felt like being immersed in sunlit waters. 
“Can I kiss you?” 
The simple question took you by surprise, but you gazed at his lips. They only looked inviting, so who were you to deny him? “Please,” you sighed, and your eyelids closed shut at his pillowy touch. 
Color sprang from your heart at his confession, but heat burst from your chest at his kiss. The moment his lips met yours, every worry wrapped around your conscience snapped in two. Vines of doubt, regret, and anxiety withered under the warmth of Seokjin’s touch. It was cleansing. Powerful. Searing. 
A hand captured the back of your neck, and Jin took advantage of your gasp by dragging his tongue around the edge of your lips, a wordless plea to let him in. You gave in immediately, leaning forward and deepening the kiss, roping his tongue and eliciting a groan. 
Heat rushed between your legs and you echoed his sound with a soft moan of your own. Unwittingly, your hands found their way to Seokjin’s chest and you reveled in the feel of him under the thin material of his shirt. Without breaking your lips from his, you skirted the cotton hem with your fingers.  
Jin knew what you wanted, and his grin against your mouth only made you flush with desire. He broke from your lips to fully remove his shirt, and seeing his bare chest wiped the air from your lungs. You could only stare as you took in the lines of his solid build, wondering how the hell he had the time to achieve that look. 
Seokjin smirked at your reaction, tossing his top and hauling the bags off his bed while you were taking time to process everything. “Do I need to charge you?” 
You shook your empty head like a zombie. Your brain was currently mush, purely focused on the way his muscles rippled and slid against the confines of his skin. “No, don’t. I didn’t bring any money with me.” 
Laughter erupted from the other side of the bed. After Seokjin placed the last bag on the floor, he straightened and clarified, “I meant plug you in. You seem to be buffering over there. Low battery?”
“Shut up and get on the bed,” you teased, shrugging off the coat you still had on. You didn’t even get to change since coming in from the campfire. 
“Shut up and get on the bed, yes,” Seokjin fired back mercilessly as he sat on the comforter. He knew exactly how to push you. Even though you laughed, you made you way over to him and stood between his legs. 
You were silent then. No matter how happy you were, his departure tomorrow was weighing on you. The time you had with him was short. 
You wanted to make the most of it. Bringing your hand up to his face, you made sure to lightly skim over his gashes before mapping the rest. You wanted to ingrain every curve, every dip, every feature into memory. Every second was precious. The polaroid you had of him would still be no match for the real thing. If only you could capture the warmth of someone and keep it frozen in time.
Sure fingers clasped your hand, and Seokjin softly pulled you closer. Your first instinct was to rush in and hug him for dear life, and he immediately did the same to you, snatching the breath from your lungs and tugging tears from your ducts. You buried your face into his neck, inhaling his familiar scent and lamenting all the time you spent worrying over the smallest things. 
“We don’t have a lot of time,” Seokjin whispered, squeezing your heart. 
“I know,” you choked. You didn’t have much else to say.
“I just want to make sure we use it to do what you want.” 
You loosened your hold on him, astonished by his consideration. The growing bulge under his pants was more than screaming his wants. You felt it ever since the first kiss. But even still, he wanted to accommodate you. Your needs before his. 
It just made you fall for him even more. 
Reaching down to skim your fingers along his cock straining against his pants, you hovered your lips over his neck. “I want you,” you whispered before descending upon the smooth expanse of skin and earning a groan. 
Without warning, Seokjin tightened his arms around you. In one smooth motion, he effortlessly lifted you to straddle his thighs. You didn’t have time to think as he followed up with grabbing your head, pulling you down for another heated kiss. Your fingers latched onto his shoulders, scraping them when he thrust his tongue into your mouth. 
“Don’t do that yet,” he grunted, and you didn’t need to ask why after feeling a twitch in his jeans. 
You obeyed for the time being, cupping his neck with both hands. When you rolled your body against his, the hard feel of his stomach made you whimper. It was when you settled back on his hardness that your eyes widened. You were sure he was aching despite his silence. Maybe you could help him out a bit. “Jinnie,” you whispered, a firm hand on his chest, “Lie back for me.” 
“I love hearing that again,” Seokjin admitted through a content smile, starting a fire across your cheeks. He leaned back after giving you another peck, and you plucked yourself from his thighs to take your shoes off. 
But time was your biggest motivator to strip most of your clothes at that moment - not just your boots. Your pants were first, followed by your sweater, and finally your shirt. The whole time, Seokjin stayed propped on his elbows, watching you intently. He couldn’t hide the adoration in his eyes even if he tried. As he watched you stand there in nothing but your set, he smiled. “You’re beautiful.” 
“Thank you,” you whispered in return. “Still not as great as you, though.” You started unbuttoning his jeans before he could defend his stance, and he lifted his lower body to help you shrug them off with his underwear. When Seokjin’s thick cock sprung free, your heart jumped at the sight. It had been so long since you felt it, tasted it, rode it. Was he thinking the same? Taking his velvety length in your hand for the first time in a long time, you felt a burst of confidence at its familiarity and his response.
“Baby,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Please.” 
You didn’t need another word. At the sound of the familiar pet name, you already started hovering over his cock, admiring how pretty it was before diving in. Licking around the head, you used the slick to glide your mouth far down his shaft, rolling your hand along the bottom to coat the rest. 
Seokjin jolted at the sudden pleasure, and you felt a pang in your heart. You wanted him to remember this night. And you were much more experienced than you were before, though you would only get so much time to prove your growth. 
Coming up for air, you used your hand to gather the rest of your spit and slide it down his cock, rubbing it a few times before diving down again. The stilted, garbled noises coming from your filled mouth were even getting your own underwear soaked, but they weren’t a match for Seokjin’s. His delicious grunts and moans sent you close to the edge. They were deeper than you remembered, and he wasn’t one to shy away from showing you how turned on and pleasured he was feeling.
The prominent veins of his cock were the roads along which your tongue traveled, and you made sure to love them all in between stuffing him fully in your warm mouth. He was so big, but you wanted to take every inch, tears welling in your eyes with your efforts. 
You fought through even when you felt him rock the back of your throat. Seokjin took that moment to sit up, causing tears to leak fully down your cheeks at the deeper thrust. His hands dove into your hair, but he didn’t force your head down. Instead, they tugged you off his cock, and he gazed down lovingly at your wrecked expression. Jin’s voice dipped an octave and came out coated in sin as he asked, “Can you go a little more for me, beautiful?” 
Your body tingled on instinct. You nodded and, when he smiled, you gripped his drenched dick in your fingers before descending your mouth onto his balls. Seokjin bucked his hips forward in a jolt as you grinned, lapping at his salty skin and delighting in the tremulous groans rolling down your back. Your hand squeezed the tip of his shaft before you straightened again, taking his cock captive without pause.
“Shit,” he grunted, his long fingers diving into your hair. His hands still didn’t push you down further, oddly, so you took the initiative and plunged down yourself. 
The feel of his cock in your mouth was so familiar. It was almost second nature how easily you sucked him off, knowing when to hollow your cheeks and pull him further down the abyss of ecstasy. When to sink further and hum, ripping a delicious sound from his throat. Even when to bob and swirl your head around, effectively shutting down his ability to function. 
It was then that you chose to really bring it home. You breathed through your nose as you took more and more of him in, even after you couldn’t breathe anymore. You felt your nose hit this pubic bone, and the long moan you got from Seokjin was worth the burn in your throat. His fingers tightened around your head, but when you came up gasping for air he didn’t stop you. 
“Come here,” is all he said, tugging you up to straddle him again. A trail of saliva swung from your lips as you came up, but you paid it no mind. If anything, it added to the building lust inside your bones. Your panties were absolutely drenched by now, so dragging your core along Seokjin’s cock caused both of you to twinge. “Fuck,” he gasped, fueling your heat. 
“Jinnie, please,” you whimpered, your voice hoarse. You wanted everything from him at once. You were getting impatient, and the overwhelming time pressure was stressing you the hell out. “I need you, please.” 
Suddenly, everything stopped as Seokjin cradled your chin and swiped the spit from your lips. “You have me,” he assured you. “You have all of me.” He kissed your nose. “And you’ll have me for a very long time.” 
Relenting, you leaned into his touch. “Now is what I’m concerned about.” 
“I know,” he agreed before kissing you again. “I just wanted you to know the rest.” 
“Okay,” you whispered before capturing his full lips with your own. When you felt him wrapping his arms around you, your heart leaped into your throat. When you felt him shift the both of you to lower you onto the bed, you already knew fresh tears were waiting behind your eyes. 
With great care, Jin slipped your underwear off your smooth legs. Your bra was deftly unhooked next - not without an eyebrow raise from you and a wink from him - and tossed from the bed. 
Staring at your naked form, Seokjin appeared completely lost in thought. It got to the point where you felt like covering yourself, but when you attempted to he swiftly denied any insecurity. “Don’t keep this from me,” he whispered. “I want to remember everything.” 
You kept it together until then. Something in you broke and you softly choked on a cry. So he was thinking the same as you. This was the last night for a long time. 
Starting from your shoulder, he kissed his way down along your neck, your collarbone, your chest. Taking one breast in one hand, he swirled his tongue around the nipple of the other. You gasped from the sudden burst of pleasure, which made Seokjin repeat the motion on the other side. He then lightly sucked on the nipple, releasing it with a small pop. 
You wanted to close your eyes and lose yourself in the waves of pleasure he was giving you, making his way down your body. But you wanted to relive this night again and again. So you had to keep your eyes on him. Only him. His mouth’s searing heat as it kissed along your stomach, and the stark cold left behind when he moved on. His soft touch as he gently pried your legs open, and dark, lust-filled eyes as he stared at your dripping entrance. You wanted to remember the way he kissed along your legs, nipping in some places to make you gasp. The way his beautiful lips connected with your heat in a reverent kiss before his tongue explored inside. Each flick of his tongue, squeeze of his fingers on your legs, noise from his lips. How you loved him through every second of him worshipping you. 
As soon as he brought his fingers up to caress your folds while sucking on your clit, you had to stop him. It was too much. You wanted to feel him when you broke. 
Seokjin wordlessly obeyed as he crawled above you. You pulled him down for a kiss, not caring how he tasted. Your hands then went to his shoulders as he positioned himself at your entrance. 
“Are you still…” 
“Yes,” you nodded, touched that he remembered. “I’m still on it.” 
“Okay.” He swooped down to capture your lips, and when you clenched your fingers around his shoulders, he grunted. “Are you okay to take it all?” 
“Go slow. For now,” you said, earning a nod. “It’s been awhile.”
Seokjin’s gaze was heavy as he prepared himself. “Same.” 
At the initial push, you whooshed out a gasp. It had been way too long since you’d been with someone. The intrusion indeed hurt. Maybe you should have let him prep you more, in hindsight. But Seokjin was nothing but tender as he waited for you to adjust. Once you were okay, he steadily pushed out and in again, going deeper. Slowly but surely, you were able to fully take him in. 
And the feel of him completely inside you was nothing like you’ve felt before. It was comfort. It was home. It was a perfect fit, and you wanted to stay like that forever. 
“God,” Seokjin groaned, “I don’t want to leave this room.” 
You chuckled, rolling your hips. “Hmm, pussy or Harvard. That’s a pretty tough one.” 
“If it’s yours, Harvard can wait,” Seokjin grunted before sending your thoughts spiraling with a huge thrust. You outright whined at him, but he pulled out only to spear you again with one long motion. “You still like it rough, baby?” 
Chills cascaded down your spine and pooled at the apex of your toes. This was the Seokjin you were waiting for. You wondered if he was still into that after witnessing everything he was doing for you beforehand. But oh, were you ready for the pivot. “Fuck, yes,” you moaned. “You know I do.” 
“You still have your word?” 
“Carousel, yes.” 
“Good girl.” That was all Seokjin needed. Grabbing the top of the headboard behind you, he launched into a rough and relentless pace that had you seeing stars. You felt so full, yet so weightless as you let your body go limp. The feel of Seokjin’s cock slamming into you repeatedly would continue to exist for months after tonight, the ridges of it sliding along your walls never forgotten entirely. You needed as much as he could give, and he knew that. 
Gripping one of your legs, he hauled it over his sweat-slicked shoulder and tilted himself to reach a deeper position, twisting his reddened face to plant kisses on your ankle. Mewl after mewl tumbled from your lips at the deep thrusts. 
“Touch yourself for me, baby,” Jin commanded while still pounding into you, and you wouldn’t dream of disobeying. Your fingers went straight for your jiggling breasts, teasing your nipples and tugging them for his blown out eyes. You moaned, and smirked when you saw Seokjin beginning to lose himself. 
His tell was his scrunched eyebrows, and his eyes shifting down to watch his cock ram into your tight cunt. You still knew, after years. 
You fell into complete ecstasy when he reached down with his free hand to rub your clit between your bodies, loving the way the veins in his arms protruded. Imagining licking along them all made you moan. And you didn’t care if the people around you heard. All of your mewls, moans, whines - they were all for Jin. He could have all of you again and again.  
After one particularly deep thrust, he tugged his cock out, leaving your walls fluttering around an agonizing emptiness. “Turn around. On your knees.” 
“Holy fuck, yes,” you rasped. He wasn’t letting the night go to waste at all. 
Before you even assumed the next position, you felt a hand come down on your ass. The smack jolted you forward in pain, with pleasure settling in its wake. 
“So pretty,” Seokjin whispered, ghosting his hand over the spot he spanked. He gave it another smack before gripping your ass cheeks apart. You assumed he was roving his eyes over your drenched core. “And still so wet.” 
“Just for you,” you affirmed. 
“Just for me,” he repeated before adjusting his knees on the bed to get closer. “But you might be too loud tonight, baby. I’m going to need silence from you this time.” 
Shit. You were never, ever good at this part. But you nodded. What you weren’t expecting right away was the initial stroke to be rough, right down to the hilt. You cried out immediately, earning you a harsh spank. 
Seokjin’s sudden laugh made you chuckle in embarrassment. He breathily joked, “Out of practice?” 
“Something like that,” you admitted, your elbows and grin lost in the sheets. “I’m rusty.” 
“Okay, let’s just do this then.” Jin leaned forward, stretching over you. You groaned at the feel of his solid chest on your soft back, your eyes rolling into your head feeling him completely mold into you for a moment. He got a fluffy pillow from the other side of the bed and let your head rest on it. “Can you bite this for me, my love?” 
The new name spread wildfire across your face. “Yes. That I can do,” you assured him. When you had the material securely in your mouth, you nodded to signal he could continue. 
“Good girl.” And continue Seokjin did. He went right back into the dominant Jin he loved being, and the one you loved being with. There was no mercy in his thrusts, stroke after stroke after stroke. If you lifted your back a little or lowered your butt, he smacked your supple flesh and corrected you instantly. “Ass up, baby.” 
With Jin’s relentless pace, your body went limp and hung on by a thread. Loosening up allowed for even more of his cock, and your muffled moans started getting louder the closer and closer you got to the edge. You could feel your core tightening, threatening to unleash the pent up tension. 
“That’s it, beautiful,” Seokjin praised, feeling your walls squeeze around him. “Do you want to come like this?”
You hastily shook your head. You wanted to see him when you came. And if you remembered correctly, he loved seeing your face when it happened, as well.
“Too bad,” he chuckled darkly, and you almost came undone right then. “Guess you’ll have to come again the way you want to later.” Reaching under you, he toyed with your clit as he kept the pace from behind. 
You let go of the pillowcase as you kicked your head back in a moan, your saliva trail slowly gravitating toward the sheets. Seokjin only let you breathe for a second before pushing your head back down into the thin material. “Make noise again and you won’t come at all.”
Fuck. You bit hard into the pillow, tears forming at the corners of your eyes as you felt yourself losing control. His fingers felt divine on your bundle of nerves, his dick sliding through your folds over and over and over. The hand he placed on your head smoothed over your hair before bunching it and tugging. You reared back, dots swimming in your vision. “God, I want to choke you. Can I do that, my love?” 
You released the pillow from your mouth again. His consideration was top notch tonight. Too much? You couldn’t decide or really care. “Yes, just do it. Do anything. Please. I’m so close.” 
“Mm. Then cover your mouth.” Before you could follow his command, Seokjin pulled you up by a shoulder to be flush against his front. Sweat coated your back and your ass, causing you to slide down his chiseled stomach while speared on his cock. A strong hand wrapped around your throat, and the fingers that were teasing your clit mercilessly now ventured into the front of your folds. 
One of your hands shot up to clamp over your mouth right before you let out a long groan. You loved when he took control, and when he lost control. If both happened at the same time, it was heaven. 
You could barely last on your knees as his dick slammed up into you repeatedly. The hand around your airway was tight but only just, his praises in your ear being the real culprit of your stolen breath. Your pussy clenched harshly around his length, and you knew from the tight coil in your body that you were seconds from euphoria. 
Seokjin felt it instantly. “Come, baby.” And as soon as he relinquished your throat did you give in, waves of pleasure coursing through you and a white burn shimmering in your lungs. It seemed endless. Ripple after ripple thrummed through your body, your joints slowly unlocking from their initial freeze. Behind you, Seokjin groaned and sang sweet nothings in your ear, his arms wrapping around your chest in a scorching embrace. 
The high ebbed, but did not completely recede. You knew Jin still needed release, so you kissed his wrist next to your shoulder and whispered, “I want to see you now.”
“Whatever you need.” Seokjin slowly unsheathed himself, and you felt a slight pain. You watched as he positioned his back on the headboard. He knew what you wanted to do. 
You made your way over to him and hovered over his length. Locking your hazy eyes with his dark set, you kissed him lazily as you languidly sank back onto him. Seokjin groaned when you didn’t use your hand as a guide beforehand. And frankly, that turned you on, too.
“You’re so tight still,” he grunted, his hands coming up and grabbing your ass before settling on your hips. 
You rolled your hips before finding a rhythm. “You’re just big,” you mock complained, earning a deep chuckle. 
“Aww. You sound. So. Sad,” he teased, thrusting up into you to punctuate each word. Your mewls were welcome now since he was done with his role. Now he could just sit back and enjoy your show for him. And occasionally torture you. 
You found your rhythm again, rougher with him now with your hands in his dark, sweaty locks. One of your hands dropped onto his chest and raked down his breast, eliciting a higher moan than normal. 
The sound caused heat to pool between your legs again, and you upped the pace. Your thighs burned from the exertion, but you kept yourself distracted by diving into Jin’s neck and nipping in multiple places. His arms left your hips to wrap around your back, and your breath faltered as he took over again. 
Seokjin was close. He was always close when his limbs locked hard into place. His upward thrusts were fast and hard, and you could only moan in his ear and take him in. The coil that released once tonight was tightening again, and you murmured in his ear that you were close. 
Seokjin only needed to kiss you like his life depended on it for you to unravel again. The wave was weaker than last time, but it could still cover mountains. Your head felt light, dancing above the clouds with no intention of coming down. You pushed yourself from his lips, allowing him to see your flushed chest and reddened cheeks. The second orgasm faded and loosened your limbs, but your heart felt completely connected to his, your soul nestled into the comfort of his tender embrace. “I love you,” you sighed, and you immediately felt a huge twitch between your folds.
“Lie down, baby. I’m close.” 
“It’s okay,” you whispered, cradling his cheek. “Come inside me, Jinnie. I wanna feel you.” 
“Shit,” he grunted. His thrusts descended into madness. Your heart rattled at the sight of his dusted red cheeks, sweaty neck, heaving chest. He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen, and the one you would overturn stars to find should you ever lose him again. 
When he gazed down at your joined sex, you took in the wet strands of hair on his forehead. When he kicked his head back against the headboard to look at you with lidded eyes, you bit your swollen lips. This wonderful man was your lover, your ex, your friend, and now your lover again. Only this time, you truly loved him back. And you wanted to think back to this moment forever. 
Tears sprung into your eyes as he pulled you in for a searing kiss, and his orgasm released into you in spurts. The thrusts he made then were slow and powerful, and your body bobbed with the swells. You kissed him harder than necessary, almost willing to bruise your own lips on his. The longer you held his lips captive, the longer he couldn’t see your sorrow. 
But Seokjin already felt the drops ping his chest. He just let you cry because that’s what you needed. Even when he broke from the kiss, he never said a word. He trailed kisses along your wet cheeks, your sweaty nose, and your glistening forehead. His poignant visage held nothing but stars, and it reminded you of the night you fell in love, crushing your spirit ever more. 
Touch after touch after touch only coaxed more tears from your eyes. It felt never ending as you sat spent in his lap, still on his softening length. Sheer willpower was what caused you to finally speak, your voice hoarse, “We should clean up. You still need to pack and sleep.”
“We should, and I do,” he whispered. He patted your bum. “Can you get up by yourself?” 
You nodded before extracting yourself from his firm thighs, lamenting the fact that human bodies had limits. As you waddled to the bathroom, you stumbled along the way, Seokjin softly chuckled while following you and steadying you when needed. Even when you shot empty glares at him, the smile in his eyes never left. 
The rest of your time spent in his room consisted of silence and kisses. Ever the gentleman, he let you lie down on his bed while he used the other half for the bags to pack. It didn’t take him too long since he was organized from the jump, so when he was done he cleared the bed and joined you under the covers. When you felt a weight on your stomach, you looked down to see your camera dumped on the comforter. 
Seokjin wrapped a strong arm behind your neck. “What do you call naked pictures taken with a Polaroid?” 
“Oh, no.” You turned your head to face him. “What?” 
“Just pictures. But that’s old nudes.” 
You punished him by attacking his sides instantly, yanking a batch of honky laughs from him. Knowing your own weaknesses still, he unleashed his own parry, and it took a minute for the both of you to settle in a draw. 
“Don’t tell me the only reason you brought this into the bed was to tell that horrid joke,” you chuckled, your head back to resting in your pillow. 
“Nope. I wanna take one of us.” 
After getting past all seven of your objections and excuses, Seokjin whittled your walls down and got you to agree. The end product existed on the last film in your Polaroid: a crooked snapshot of him kissing your cheek as you smiled with creased eyes, sheets held against your chest. And he conceded in letting you keep it after watching you clutch it lovingly in your fingers. 
You immediately sought comfort in his embrace after setting the photo next to your phone on the nightstand, and he stole multiple kisses from you way after your eyes couldn’t stay open any longer. 
“Get some sleep, my love,” Seokjin whispered. 
And despite your sound of protest, you were pulled into the abyss of sleep right as you felt pillowy lips caress your forehead.
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Rin-Rin [6:40am]: You’re lucky I love you. I packed your stuff and left out an outfit for you when you come down. Just don’t be late or I’ll drag you back down myself :)))
Jiminie [6:45am]: RISE N SHINE LOVEBIRDS
Rin-Rin [6:46am]: Oh, yeah, I may or may not have texted Jimin. 
Jiminie [6:46am]: ABOUT TIME
Jiminie [6:46am]: !!!
Tae [6:47am]: jimins scream woke me up. i can only assume that means ill get to be an uncle soon. dont let me down i want this(: 
Joonie [6:48am]: Aaaaaaaaaa !!!
Jiminie [6:48am]: And I know you want to yell at me for yesterday so I am ready for that whenever you are
Kook [6:50am]: <3 
You smiled at your texts before locking your phone. Seokjin was already up and about, making sure everything was packed and accounted for. When he saw you stirring, he came over and surprised you with a kiss so deep that it revitalized your sagging emotional state. “Morning,” you chuckled, swinging your sore legs out of the sheets and wincing at the cold. “I need to head back down.”
“Yeah, Rin already sent the first round of threats. I’ll see you at the car, okay?” 
You pecked him on the cheek after you slipped on your boots and grabbed your Polaroid.  Stepping into the hallway, you kept reminding yourself to not completely lose it yet. There was still a whole car ride you got to have with him, and you were determined to slow down time however you could. 
Your phone buzzed again, and you assumed Yoongi and Hoseok were just now waking up and getting the gossip. Checking your notifications only validated your guess.
Hobi [6:52am]: AHHHHH HAPPY FOR U~!!!
Hobi [6:52am]: ASLSKDJSKDHSKDJ
Yoongi [6:53am]: I’ll make sure to drag him back sometimes. It’s ludicrous to say that we’d never see him again. Drama queen. Anyways, happy for you. If you need anything, let me know. 
Hobi [6:53am]: we’ll see seokjinnie again love. and if u miss him a lot then we can make sure you see him. im sure he’ll be missing u too
How you were able to win the friend lottery and meet these people, you had no clue. But you weren’t going to ever question the fact. All you would do was embrace your blessings and love them. 
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The car ride to the airport was long, but still much too short for your liking. Between the loving gazes you directed at Seokjin as he sang along to Taehyung’s music, the looks full of mirth Jimin gave the both of you from the backseat, and the laughter of both Rin and Taehyung, you were the happiest you’ve felt in a very long time. 
Throughout the ride, you got the feeling that you were going to be okay. Seokjin was starting an insane adventure, but you were also going to be there every step of the way. Not just on the polaroid he decided to stash in his bag, but in his heart and on his mind like Namjoon said around the fire. 
There were still plenty of ways to see each other and communicate. And since he technically didn’t start until next summer, that gave you plenty of time to see him before then. The many possibilities made you question your hesitation in the first place. 
But none of that diminished how much of a struggle it was still going to be. 
When the car rolled to a stop in the airport parking lot, your chest constricted. When everyone got their bags out of the cars and started the trek to the shuttles, your hands shook on your straps. As soon as everyone started saying their byes and separating to check into their airlines, you found it hard to breathe. 
But a tender hand brushed through your hair, and plush lips connected with your forehead. In an instant, you felt okay again. 
Seokjin’s calm voice slipped over your features. “Your flight leaves in two hours, right?” When you nodded, he continued, “Okay. Come shop with me before I have to go to my gate!” 
You tried your best to keep a positive attitude while you watched Jin peruse different airport stores. When he would hold stuff up for you to approve, you would smile or dramatically turn things down. Even the cute neck pillow he really wanted got the dreaded rejection. 
But that was only so you could pay for it when he wasn’t looking and surprise him. The huge laugh and grin you got in return was worth the trouble. 
When it was time for Seokjin to head to his gate, you brought him in for a crushing hug. “Let me know when you land,” you demanded. 
“Of course, honey,” he said through a smile. 
“‘Honey,’ now?” You regarded him with a raised eyebrow. “You have so many nicknames for me. I can’t keep up. Do you have a favorite you could stick with?” 
Seokjin rested his chin on your head. “Ah, I have a favorite. But it’s not true yet, so I shouldn’t use it.” 
A fire ignited in your heart, the flames warming you from the inside. “And which one is that?” 
“Would you look at the time!” Jin’s body heat left you in a rush as he stepped away, and your instinctual pout made him laugh outright. He cupped your chin for a kiss that rocked your whole being before pulling away. His eyes held galaxies in them when he stared into yours. “Guess you’ll have to wait for the answer to that one.” 
“You’re a jerk, Jinnie,” you huffed, but you kissed him again. “You’re lucky I love you.” 
“I really am. And I love you,” he responded. His hand came down to squeeze yours before he had to part. “I’ll let you know when I make it. Call me when you get home, okay?” 
“Okay,” you replied, and you watched his long strides with a heavy heart and a hopeful mind. 
As you told yourself again and again, you were going to be okay. It was going to be tough, it was going to be absolutely painful. But as long as you decided to keep loving each other, everything would work out. 
You knew better than anyone that love was a choice. And for Seokjin, you would choose it a thousand times over. 
And besides, the current state of technology was on your side. The possibilities of communication were too endless for you to dwell on the distance. Were there going to be days in which you only received one text? Most likely. Were there going to be weeks where you weren’t going to hear much from Seokjin at all? Definitely. But this time, unlike last time, you welcomed every bit of it. Your heart built a bridge to his that defied any sense of physical distance. On opposite sides, both of you were achieving success in your own ways. In the end, you would always come back to each other to celebrate together. Even though this was the last November trip you had with Seokjin, it was the beginning of many, many wonderful years to come.
It was later, while you were waiting for your own flight to finish boarding, that a message was sent to your phone. 
Jinnie [12:04pm]: Attachment: 1 Image
You couldn’t help but grin. As you gazed lovingly at the picture of Seokjin smiling next to your polaroid, another one came in before you could respond.
Jinnie [12:05pm]: Until you’re really next to me, this will have to do. Don’t get too jealous! 
You laughed to yourself, rolling your eyes while setting the image as your wallpaper. Locking your phone, you tapped the glass to see your screen light up, observing the picture again.
On a plane heading to another city entirely, Seokjin was doing the exact same thing. Except in his case, he was smiling down at a girl caught in mid-laughter, body aglow from the bright yellow lights of a spinning carousel behind her. 
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a/n: whewww so if you made it to the end, hi! i seriously enjoyed writing this and i learned so much. it’s my first fic and first huge one-shot, so if you have any comments/concerns/constructive feedback, please let me know! my ask box is always open, too. lastly, here is my m.list if you want to browse! 🌨🌨🌨 ++ feedback box (added nov. 25th, 2021): ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that aren’t okay with reblogging with a review, commenting on this, or sending a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a feedback dropbox :D ⇥ here!   ++ ⇥ masterlist 
2K notes · View notes
fandom-imagines · 3 years
Text
Your Age
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Jealous!Professor!Lupin X Legal!Student!Reader
Words: 1.3k
Warnings: Jealousy, teacher x student relationship, implied smutty ending. Oh and implied toxic parenting.
Summary: After a rough breakup, Y/N finally starts talking to men again. But this doesn’t sit right with her ex, Professor Lupin.
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It was hard for the new DADA Professor to watch the girl he longed for be flirted with by somebody else, Draco Malfoy to be specific.
An uncomfortable feeling settled in his chest as he watched Y/N smile at the platinum-haired boy, her hand resting on his upper arm. She was blissfully unaware of the burning gaze that was fixated on her and the Slytherin.
“You have no right, Remus,” he mumbled to himself, extremely grateful that there was nobody within earshot to hear him talking to himself. “You broke it off with her. You’re too old.”
“Y/N, can you stay behind a moment, please?” Despite his lips being pulled up into a soft smile, his eyes held a different emotion.
“Sure, Professor!”
Once everyone had piled out of the room, Y/N’s friends saying they’ll see her in Potions, Remus finally broke the news.
“This can’t go on,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “There’s so many reasons why it can’t.” The pain in her eyes was something he would never be able to erase from his mind, no matter how much he wanted to get rid of it.
“Got ya,” she smiled, holding back tears. “Is that all, Professor?”
Hearing her use that title whilst they were alone struck a new type of pain in his heart and all he could do was nod.
“That’s all, Y/N.”
That was four months ago, and the Professor had never felt worse about anything. But he knew it was for her own good; he’s too old for her, at least in his mind.
Y/N had never known the reason behind his sudden distaste towards their relationship, instead being left to assume that he had met someone else; met someone his own age.
The first month had been the worst. Constant overthinking, skipping classes and the feeling over never being wanted again.
The second month things got better, not much but a bit. Her parents were still on at her, as they had always been, about finding a powerful wizard boyfriend. It didn’t matter either way. It isn’t exactly like she could have told them who she was seeing. It just stung more with her mother telling her if she doesn’t find someone now, she never will.
The third month was when things started looking up. She was feeling better, less insecure and was finally spending time with other men, most notable, Draco Malfoy. The sleepless nights were over, and she was beginning to feel better.
“Sorry I’m late,” Lupin rushed as he entered the classroom, hair messy and dark bags under his eyes.
Y/N’s hand dropped from Malfoy’s arm, falling to her side which didn’t go unnoticed by the DADA teacher; things like this made him feel happy yet guilty. She deserves better than an old professor in his eyes and she shouldn’t be sad about him leaving.
He caught the Y/H/C-haired girl’s eyes as she moved to take her usual seat in front of his desk. Usually, she would desperately avoid his sight, something that pained him, but it was different today. For what reason, he didn’t know, or at least he didn’t until Draco took a seat beside her.
“You look lonely, Y/N/N,” he smirked. “Want some company?”
“I’d love some,” she returned his smile, one Lupin longed to be directed at him once again.
*
It had been about a week since he had seen Y/N last, and he wished the first time that he saw her again hadn’t been like this.
Malfoy and she were leaning against the wall outside of him classroom, both unaware of his presence. They were talking about something, something that he couldn’t hear and he was about to interrupt them until he saw the blonde lean in and capture her lips on his own. Eyes wide, Lupin turned and left, not hearing or seeing what had happened immediately after.
*
“Look guys,” Seamus laughed, noticing the letter that Y/N had received mere seconds ago. “Y/S/N got herself a howler!”
Y/N, who was now blushing at everyones attention on her, let out a sigh and she unwillingly opened it, aware of the consequences if she did not. The entire halls attention was on her as it began to scream:
“Y/N Y/S/N! How dare you reject Lucius Malfoy’s son! Draco is a lovely young boy, how dare you break his heart like that? He was nothing but nice to you and you won’t even let him take you out on a date? How ungrateful are you? You’re nothing but a frigid little girl, no man will ever love you!”
“Okay mother,” Y/N muttered, watching as the letter tore itself up. “I think I’m going to go.” Were her final words, not waiting for her friends replies before leaving, not realising who had followed her.
*
Tears slipped down her cheeks as Y/N sat herself on the step outside of the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, somewhere she had come out of habit. She always ended up here when she was upset. Nobody was come, it was early morning on a weekend.
“Y/N?” A familiar voice sounded around the corner. Of course he knew exactly where she had gone. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she was clearly lying, he knew her too well for her to lie to him. “I just want to be alone.”
A sigh left Lupin’s lips as he took a seat beside her, robe almost tripping him which would have been comical if not for the situation at hand. “She’s not right, you know?” He chimed in.
“What?” Y/N turned to face the man she was once involved with, only for him to already be looking at her. “What do you mean?”
“You’re not unlovable,”
Confusion enveloped her body as Remus took Y/N’s cheek in his hand, finger roaming the flesh. “I love you,” without hesitation his lips pressed gently against her own, not thinking of the consequences. He enjoyed the way she kissed back immediately, being too used to his lips against hers.
But she pulled back moments after. “No you don’t,” she said. “If you did you wouldn’t have gotten rid of me.” Her hand reached up to snatch his hand from her cheek, missing the pain that flashed across his face.
“Can we talk in my office?”
“I guess,”
And so she followed him, noticing how dishevelled he looked along with the locking of the door. Despite his messy look, he was still attractive.
“What is it?”
“I didn’t do it to hurt you. I didn’t do it for any reason other than wanting to protect you,” he admitted, flicking his wand to give her a seat as he took one beside her, tilting it so he could face her. “You need somebody your own age, somebody that won’t have to disappear once a month, someone that isn’t me.”
Y/N’s eyes widened at his confession, unsure as to how to respond. “But I don’t want anyone else. I love you and only you. You’re the only one I want.”
“I’m sure Malfoy would beg to differ. I’ve seen to way you two act.” He swallowed deeply, looking anywhere but her face.
“Are you jealous?”
The professor hesitated. “Yes, I want you to be only mine. I know that’s selfish but you’re all I can think about, you’re all I want. Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do.”
His hand reached to grasp Y/N’s own, intertwining their fingers whilst he enjoyed the blushing. His spare hand reached for her cheek once again as he spoke. “Forgive me?” His breath fanned across her lips, having moved closer to her face.
“Always,” she pushed her lips against his, something she had missed dearly. “I missed you so much.” She murmured as he pulled her into his lap, her arms wrapping around his neck as they kissed.
“Me too, darling,” he groaned at the feeling of her pressing against his area. “Let me show you how much.”
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Text
wingman ~ yungblud
word count: 1476
request?: yes!
“can you do a one shot where colson sets up his little sister (the reader) with dom? like maybe she’s had a crush on him but he was with halsey and never wanted to get between that.”
description: who knew that your best wingman would be your own brother? and his main objective: setting you up with his best friend
pairing: yungblud x female!reader
warnings: swearing
masterlist (one, two)
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The minute I walked into Colson’s house I knew something was going to happen. I didn’t know what exactly, but I just had a feeling that there was something going to happen. Call it sibling intuition or whatever.
It wasn’t uncommon for Colson to randomly invite me over to his place. We had always been close, so whenever he had time off he’d ask me to come visit him and Casie. I figured that’s what this invitation was for, but once I walked through the door, I wasn’t so sure.
“Colson?” I called.
Instead of my brother’s voice, a thick British accent responded, “(Y/N)!”
Dom came out from the living room and lifted me into his arms. I laughed through the shock I was feeling. I had no idea that Dom was even in town. I wondered if this was the weird feeling I was having.
“Good to see you, love!” Dom said. “I didn’t know you were coming today.”
“I didn’t know you were in town,” I responded.
“Yeah! I landed today actually. I haven’t been here long.”
“That’s awesome! Hey, let’s continue the catch up in a second. Is Colson here?”
My big brother was in the kitchen making sandwiches for himself and Dom. He looked up and smiled when I walked in. “Hey, you hungry?”
“I’m good, thanks. Did, um, did you invite me over because Dom is in town?”
“What? No, not at all.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re a terrible liar.”
He chuckled and walked away from me. I followed him out of the kitchen, realizing the conversation would be put on hold for now.
I sat next to Dom in the living room as he and Colson talked for a while. Every now and then he would ask me a question or two to catch up, but I was too awkward to really keep a conversation going.
As cliché as it is to say, I’ve had a crush on Dom for years. Ever since Colson introduced us, I’ve had some small feelings for him. Ironically, Colson was super supportive over these feelings. He always said how Dom was a great guy and that he thought we’d be a perfect match for one another. We did have the same type of energy, I had to agree with Colson there.
The big downside, though? Dom was in a relationship when we first met. With a friend of Colson’s, actually; Ashley, better known as Halsey.
So I just became one of those cliché, unrequited love stories. I tried to go on dates with other people to get rid of those feelings for Dom, but all my efforts proved to be void. There was just no one that made me feel the way that Dom did, which sucked because he wasn’t single.
After a bit of silence following another failed attempted to strike up a conversation, Colson looked at his phone and rose from his seat. “Oh, Emma just texted me asking if I could pick Casie up from school.”
“Oh, can I do it?” I asked, seeing a way to get out of this super awkward situation. “I feel like I haven’t seen Casie in forever.”
“I’d rather do it myself. I’ll bring her right back so she can see both of you.”
He left before I could protest anymore, leaving me alone with Dom. This was no doubt also a part of whatever plan he had in mind.
We were left in silence yet again. I tried to think of something to say to pick up the conversation but found myself at a loss for words. I never was good at talking to Dom when it was just the two of us.
“How long are you gonna be in town for?” I finally asked.
“A few weeks I think. Kells and I are gonna work on some new songs. We have like two or three already written, so we’re considering doing an entire album together, with Travis too.”
“Man, that would be the album of the year if you did. Everything you and Colson have done together has been absolute bangers.”
Dom chuckled. “So I’ve been told. I think he’s my favorite person to collaborate with, too. He just brings out a good side in me when it comes to writing songs.”
“I would’ve thought Ash would be your favorite person to collaborate with.”
I regretted it immediately after the words came out of my mouth, even though they were meant to be light hearted and in a joking manner.
Dom nodded, suddenly not as smiley as he had been before. “She was, but uh...we broke up a while ago so...no more collaborations I think.”
The news shocked me. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t heard it before now. Why hadn’t Colson told me? Or how hadn’t I seen the news online?
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I said. “I had no idea.”
“It’s alright. We kept the breakup pretty lowkey, actually. We weren’t even really public with our relationship, so we decided to keep the breakup the same way.”
How do I follow up from this? I wondered. Man, I’ve effectively killed this conversation.
“(Y/N), have you ever had a steady partner?” he asked suddenly. Before I could respond he added, “That sounds terrible now that I think about it. I don’t mean to say you bounce from person to person, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with anyone, or heard Colson talking about you dating anyone.”
“That’s because I haven’t really had a serious relationship,” I responded. “I’ve gone on numerous dates, but none of them have really worked out. I just don’t...feel a spark with anyone I’ve been with. I think...I think it’s because I have feelings for someone else.”
I tried not to look at Dom, as if he’d be able to decipher what that meant just by looking into my eyes.
“Why aren’t you with them, then?” he asked. “Don’t tell me whoever this daft bloke is turned you down.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “No, that’s not it. He’s a...friend of Colson’s, actually. He’s been in a relationship for a while and I don’t want to come between that. But it seems like my heart is set on him, so I’m having trouble trying to move on from those feelings.”
“That’s awful,” Dom said. “If this guy ever became single, do you think you’d try to tell him how you felt?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’d like to think I would, but then again he’s one of Colson’s best friends. I’d never want to fuck that over for either of them if the relationship didn’t work out.”
“You’re assuming there’s a high chance of that happening.”
“I’m assuming a firm 50/50 chance, as with all relationships. Besides, what if it doesn’t even reach that stage? What if I tell him and he doesn’t have feelings for me?”
“But what if he does? You’ll never know until you try.”
I looked at Dom and found myself caught in his eyes. He was looking at me so intently I was trying not to shift around in my seat, but I just couldn’t tear my eyes away from his.
“(Y/N)?” he said.
“Yeah Dom?”
His response came in the form of his lips against mine. I was shocked at first, pulling away just out of reflex. His face turned a bright shade of red almost immediately as he moved away from me.
“Sorry, I...I must’ve read the situation wrong. I thought - ”
Before he could finish his sentence, I quickly leaned forward and kissed him again. One of his hands cupped my cheek while were running through his messy mop of hair. I had dreamt of this moment many times, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the electricity I was feeling as I kissed Dom.
We were so lost in the kiss that neither one of us heard the door open, or heard Casie come running into the room. It was her voice exclaiming, “Oh, gross!” that brought the two of us out of our trance.
I quickly pulled away from Dom, sitting on the other side of the couch as I looked up to see Casie and Colson stood in the doorway of the living room. I tried to keep my embarrassment from showing, but the feeling of heat creeping up my neck informed me that that was going to be nearly impossible.
“I was coming to say hi and both of you guys are just sucking face!” Casie said. “That’s so gross!”
She raced up to her bedroom while Colson laughed at her reaction. The two of us waited for him to say something, anything, about what he had just walked into. Instead, he just smiled at us and said, “I guess my plan worked.”
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hobbitsnapes · 3 years
Text
YOU GUYS ARE DATING
Corpse x MGK!sister reader
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(Found this image on Pinterest so all credit goes to artist, if you know who it is please comment below so I can credit them)
A/N: this was requested by @heyitssab
Tree is tall of sex in this, but it’s more in a joking matter, plus corpse has stated he doesn’t mind as long as you are not a minor or send or tag him. I’m literally 2 years younger than him, and have no intentions of ever tagging him or sending him any of my work XD
Summary: how many idiots does it take to tell the brother and friend they’re dating? Apparently takes 2 very forgetful people, who kept their relationship secret without knowing it.
It had just been by chance, a small chance that he had been scrolling through his tags. liking and reposting art, when he saw a tag from someone he followed. He wrecked his brain for when he had followed her, coming up empty. She was cute, no denying the beauty she had as she laughed in the video. It was a clip from a stream that he didn’t know she had, as he couldn’t even remember her name, wearing his merch as it fit her snug. It fit her perfectly in fact, the large hood covering her face, hiding the flush to her face from her rather large chuckles that left her body. He couldn’t help but like the photo, and he couldn’t help but to press message either.
It was first only small likes to posts, an Occasional message, and a view on their livestreams, but that all changed when he spoke of the song he was working on with her older brother.
It all started that night, when both lay in their beds as they talked, laughed, and felt their hearts flutter each time they heard one another speak.
Her phone rang violently in her bag, nearly making her drop the to go bag all over the ground as she walked. “Hello?” She asked, as she held both bags with her hands as her shoulder gripped the phone as if it’d fall down a cliff. “Hey bug!” He exclaimed, making her chuckle as she heard the booming sound of his voice. She had always detested the nickname, as he gave it to her as kids due to her horrendous fear of the creatures. But, it brought more joy to her, as it reminded her of their youth. Having been adults for years, it was fun to hear such a childish name that’s stuck.
“Hey mopey.” She chuckled, as that was the name she gave him when he was in his emo phase that he never outgrew.
Both talked as she walked towards the elevator, mainly about how his day had gone as she silently listened.
She had always been this way, always the shyer of the two, the one to listen to others first before she said a word. He had teased her for it most of their childhood and teen life, but he had grown to love it, as he could let loose or rant to her about anything, and he knew she’d be there just to listen to him.
“So what’re you doing right now?” He asked, as she got into the elevator. “Just grabbed some dinner a few minutes before you called and nearly made me shit.” A smile painted on her face at his boisterous laughter.
“Are you at home?” He asked, as he heard the sound of the elevator beeping in the background. “No, I’m spending the night with my boyfriend.”
She had mentioned about a month prior that she was seeing someone, the joy it brought him to hear the excitement and joy in her tone as she gushed about their first date.
If this was 7 or 8 years prior, he would be bombarding her with questions about the man, who he was, where he lived, where he could meet him to find his intentions with his baby sister. But, in the last few years, he found himself feeling calmer whenever she’d mentioned her love life. He knew she was smart, and would never date a man who treated her poorly. The few breakups she had, they always ended amicably, her head still high as she told him. So, he never asked her any questions about the man, as he could tell from the few times she mentioned him, he could feel the love this man had for her, and Vice versa.
The strong barreling of her phone alerted them awake, both groaning out as she reached for her phone without lifting her head from his shoulder. “Hello?” She mumbled, voice slurred as the saliva was thick in her mouth, barely awake as she fought to listen in on who dares to wake them up.
“Hey!” He exclaimed, making her equally exhausted lover groan. She shifted off of him, laying on her back as he turned away from her, as to hopefully shut his eyes and fall back asleep. She was used to her brother's large voice, as it hardly phased her after growing up with him. “Colson, why are you calling me this ungodly hour?” “Oh come on, it’s not that early.” “Col its-“ She pulled her phone from her ear, eyes shutting violently as the bright light blinded her “5 o’clock in the morning. So again, I’m going to ask you, why did you call me at the asscrack of dawn?” “You don’t remember?” He asked, making her irritation grow. “No, that’s why I’m asking.” She says, as she rubbed her sleep crusted eyes. “You were coming up today to hang out with casie, remember?” Her hand stopped rubbing her face, as she felt her heart stop momentarily. “Wait, you mean today? I thought I was coming Friday?” “No, both of you settled on today, remember I told you that’s perfect because I have a day off?” She felt her heart pain as she heard the sadness in his tone, knowing he’s expecting her to bail. “Yeah sorry, I thought you meant Friday so I mixed it up, let me get ready and I’ll be out the door okay? Love you” she said, as she hung up the line.
Before she could even move, she felt his arm wrap around her body. A tired groan leaving his lips. “Nooo stayyyy.” He groaned, pulling her body to his. She smiled as she looked down at him, wrapping her arm on his chest and the other behind his neck. “I wish I could live, but I can’t.” Planting a soft kiss against his lips. “Stay in bed for a few more hours, please?” Her heart pulled at his tone, hearing just how tired he was. “I can’t, casies wanted me to come up for weeks now. And it takes a good 3 hours to get there. I wanna spend as much time as I can with them before it gets dark so I can get back safely.” He groaned at this, wrapping his arms around her. “Yeah but it’s only 5, it wouldn’t be safe to drive since we went to bed like, 2 hours ago.” “Yeah, and whos fault was that mister?” She teased, “hmm, sorry but I just couldn’t keep my hands to myself after not seeing you for a few days.” He mused, pulling her body closer to his, planting his lips against hers. A small hum left her lips as he pulled her thigh over his, grabbing the flesh harshly as their lips cascaded together. “Mm, no no no, you’re not gonna convince me to stay here just to go another round.” She said, as she got off from his warm body, throwing his large hoodie over her bare body. “Oh come on babe, are you sure about that?” He said, making her turn around to him. A small gasp left her lips as her eyes took in his milky white complexion. His honey brown eyes looking back at her with a small smile etched onto his face. His hair a tousled mess that resembled a bird's nest, some pieces falling onto his face. “Honey, I’ve been wanting to see my family for weeks now, I see you almost everyday and practically live here. I’ll be back tomorrow so I can grab more clothes from my place okay?” She placed a kiss to his lips, both holding one another in their arms. “I don’t know why you don’t just say fuck that place and just move in.” He mumbled, making her chuckle and heart warm. “Don't you think it’s a little soon though? I mean we’ve only been together a few months love.” “Yeah, but you’ve practically lived here since we got together, you literally just go there to get more clothes that you end up leaving here.” She looked into his eyes as she thought about his words. “Hm, I’ll think about it today okay?” She mused, planting a kiss to his lips. A soft okay leaving him as she got up.
“And babe, remember if you live here, we can have all the sex we want and not have to worry about driving to get one another.” He exclaimed, laughing at the loud honey she screamed from the bathroom.
She couldn’t help but laugh out as she watched, as her niece tried her hardest to braid her fathers grown out hair. It was near impossible not to, as pieces would fall out, resulting in her pulling them harsher, nearly pulling his eyelids back due to the tension from his temples. “Okay okay you’re gonna fuckin scalp me.” He chuckled , as all three bursted out in large laughter.
“So how’s school going this year?” She asked her, as she delicately painted her nails. Both of the girls had found themselves on the floor in front of the nice coffee table, as colson sat and chatted with them. “It’s going really well.” “Oh yeah? Make any new friends?” She teased. “I mean, kinda.” She couldn’t help but hear the wavering in her tone, spotting the faint blush dusting her skin. “Ohh, so there’s a someone eh?” She teased to her, making the preteen hide her face as to conceal the flush. “His names Garrett, and we both take social studies together. He always sits next to me at lunch, and we’ll draw on my notebook.” She gushed, making her smile. “Soo, do you think he likes you?” “I mean, that’s what everyone keeps saying.” “Yeah well don’t worry about it to much cas, you’re not dating anyone for many more years. You’re still a kid.” Her das said, making the young girls face fall.
Y/N knew he was only saying this to protect her, as he said the same thing to her growing up. “Hey, don’t be bummed out about it. He is right, you both are only 12 and should focus on school. But don’t worry, he’ll come around. He was just like that with me up until my current boyfriend.” She whispered, making the young girl chuckle.
“Speaking of which, how are you guys doing?” He asked, as she hadn’t mentioned hun to her in a while. He didn’t think it’d hurt to ask. “Great actually, we’re thinking of moving in together actually.” “That’s great! I’m really happy that y’all met.” “Yeah, I am too.” She hummed, a flush dusting her cheeks.
Both men laughed as they chatted on the phone, talking about anything that would come to mind. What was once only a collaboration for a song, turned into an amazing friendship that caused both of them to call at late hours just to shoot the shit.
A yawn left his lips, as he listened to colson ramble on about another song he was making. “Woah, you tired man?” Colson asked, shocked to hear the sound. “Yeah sorry, was up most of the night last night.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “Were you feeling alright?” He asked, worry laced in his tone. He knew all about his friends illnesses, even once being on the other end of the phone during a bad spell one day.” “Oh yeah yeah yeah, was just, up with the misses last night.” He chuckled, a flush blooming on his cheeks. “Ohhh yeah? And how was it?” This shocked him, nearly feeling his heart stop. Like, does he usually know about his sisters sex life? He didn’t think much of it, as he knew just how close both were. “It was absolutely fucking amazing. Like I thought we’d be done for the night, fully tapped out but after like 5 minutes she’d be right back on me for another round.” He chuckled, his flush even worse than before. “Ayyyeee good for you corpse, glad to hear that puss is bussin.” He laughed at this, throwing his head back. “Yeah, it’s bussin bussin.”
Both men talk as they read from their phones, eyes wide in absolute awe of the love they received from the song. They had just dropped it a few days prior, not expecting the cry of joy from both fan bases.
He didn’t even look up from it when she walked in, until she bent down to plant a kiss to his forehead. “Sorry I had completely forgot about the tea I made you an hour ago, but I put it back on the stove to heat it up so if it’s twisting funky just tell me okay?” Before he could even thank her, both their heads whipped towards the loudness from the other line. “Y/N? Is that you? What in the hell are you doing there with corpse!” He didn’t sound angry, more shocked than anything, both of them looking at the phone in confusion. “I, I love here? Remember I told you like a month ago I was moving in with him?” “WHAT!” Both jumped at the loud scream. “Wait so you guys are dating!?” Both we’re even more perplexed, until it dawned on both of them. Their eyes wide as they turned their heads to one another slowly. “Wait you didn’t tell him?” “No? He’s one of your best friends so I thought you did!” “He’s your brother! So I thought you did!” Both whisper, until all three lay silent. That was until, the large cry of laughter that leaves the two, leaving colson even more confused. He wasn’t mad, not at all actually. More shocked and confused than anything. Until he started thinking, it does make sense, all the times they spoke about one another without him knowing, all the times they mentioned-“OH GOD!” He yelled, gagging violently, making them stop their laughing fit. “What's wrong? Why are you yelling?” She asks “like a month ago corpse was talking about how he was tired cause he was up all night having sex AND I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU! OH GOD WAS THAT WHY YOU WERE LIMPING THAT DAY WITH CAS AND I!” Both laugh even harder, as they listen to his ever growing gags.
“So yeah,. That’s literally how we had no idea we were keeping the relationship secret from her brother.” He laughed, as he red the comments and listened to his friends' laughter. She sat beside him, head laying on his shoulder as he told the story. She couldn’t help but to look back up into his eyes, as he glanced down at her, planting a soft kiss to her lips. “Keep it pg guys.” Colson said from the other line, making them chuckle.
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eunoiaflow3r · 3 years
Text
not ur friend
spencer reid x reader
aaron hotchner x reader
part two - part three
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a/n: haven’t written for spence in a while lol. hope you guys like it. wow...and i wrote him as an ass. bahahaha what am i going through i’m so sorry.
warning(s): language. angst. not proofread. will be mistakes.
word count: 1.8k
request(ed): no.
summary: y/n overhears something she shouldn’t have. this conversation alters her relationship.
not ur friend by jeremy zucker.
———————-——————&————————————
Hang up, if you ever think of calling me up. Not afraid to say it, darling.
3 days.
It’s been an entire weekend of you ignoring Spencer and his ever intruding phone calls. This wouldn’t have been a big deal except for the fact that this felt like a breakup. Your head and heart was treating this like you were in a relationship and he made it painfully clear that you weren’t.
It was quiet in your apartment. The television was off, the radio was silent, the heater had paused and even the refrigerator wasn’t making the usual silent buzz noise it made. The deafness of it all allowed the conversation you heard friday night play over and over again through your ached head.
Friday 11:37 pm.
“So Reid...” you picked up your phone when it rang and read Spencer’s name across the screen. It wasn’t like him to call so late but you picked up anyway. When it was a muffled Morgan’s voice you heard instead of Spencer’s you realized he hadn’t even meant to call you at all.
“How’s your girlfriend?”
You just knew all eyes were on him. Spencer Reid was very private about his social life. It was rare he even told you about anything he’d been up to. He just wasn’t one for small talk. The fact that you just knew they were talking about you made you press your phone harder into your ear even though you weren’t even sure you should have been listening.
“Oh y/n? Yeah she’s definitely not my girlfriend.”
This stung. There wasn’t even a label or anything that you guys put on it, but usually when Spencer would talk about his romantic relationships he’d get nervous and stuttery and try to change the subject. Spencer’s voice was clear and steady. Zero hints of nervousness and bashfulness. He was serious.
“Really?” This was Emily now, you could recognize her voice. “You guys seem like pretty close friends if you know what I mean.” Her tone was laced with humor but Spencer’s was far from joking.
“No. I wouldn’t call us friends either. She’s just someone I visit. Like y’know...how you would a grandmother.”
A grandmother? He compared you to a grandmother? He said visiting you was like visiting a grandmother?? You could feel the tears in your eyes. You really thought Spencer was a good guy. Why would he say something so rude? Something so hurtful about the person he was sleeping with.
It wasn’t a friends with benefits. You guys had agreed on that, but you weren’t dating either. You had met him at a museum and ever since then you two had behaved as if a couple would. The only difference was that you weren’t public. You weren’t posting pictures, or gushing over how cute you thought your “boyfriend” was to your friends. And you were fine with that. Labels are constricting. You were glad not to have them except when he decided to say he barely knew you at all and compared you to a grandmother.
“Damn.” Morgan sounded impressed. “Does she know that?”
“Maybe.” Spencer paused. “There’s nothing really romantic about our relationship. To be honest, she can be a bit needy at times and it’s suffocating.”
He paused again.
“I’m actually thinking of breaking things off. She wants more and I just don’t like her that way.”
Sorry, I'm not sorry if it hurts. I don’t mean to make it worse.
This is where you hung up. Your tears never stopped flowing. How dare he? How dare he say you were needy and suffocating? You rarely asked him for anything, and didn’t bother him with things at all. You knew he was a busy person. A busy and hardworking person. You never tried to ask him for more than he was willing to give. Ever. It hurt your heart to think he was playing you the whole time.
It hurt to think that all the “I adore you’s” and “I think I’m in love with you’s” were all fake. You were pretty sure with the way things were headed that you and Spencer would have much more than just a relationship. Much more than sex and cuddles. But a meaning - an understanding.
Spencer was your comfort. Your safe place. The person you’d go to if you were hurting, or in trouble. You were his. Countless times he came to your house and cried to you about the stress from his job. He’d hold you and tell you all about his day and what more he wished he could have done.
You’d buy him his favorite food and he’d cuddle you to sleep only to wake you up in the morning with kisses and great morning sex. To hear all of that meant basically nothing to him tore your heart to pieces.
It made you want to throw up. Had you wasted your time? Had he felt this way the entire time and you just never noticed because you hoped he felt the same? Were there signs that you missed? Something you could have done to prevent yourself from falling this hard for someone who didn’t care?
But you thought he cared.
Spencer was the most caring, empathetic person you’d ever met in your life. He was so understanding in a way no one could ever get.
I've decided that I'm not your fucking friend.
This is why you thought that maybe this is why he tried to hide you. Maybe he just was afraid of his friends not liking you, or afraid of someone from where he worked would try to hurt you. You prayed this was the case. You hoped and cried that this was the reason he’d ever let those words leave his mouth.
The reason you couldn’t believe this though is something understandable.
He had never, ever, called you anything other than his friend, and never wanted to go out.
He told you it was because he was protecting you, but he never wanted to even meet your friends. And when you talked about a guy or introduced him to one, he’d get upset and say something like, “Yeah well he seems perfect for you anyway. Not like we’re a thing - do what you want.”
And your brain tried to rationalize this as protection. The more you thought about it the more the other part of your brain screamed manipulation. You tried to ignore it but is that what was happening? Had he been manipulating you the entire time and you just never knew it?
If he was protecting you he wouldn’t call you needy. He wouldn’t not even bother to look at your friends. He wouldn’t feel the need to hide you from the entire world and lie about it in such a - douchebag way.
This hurt you though. His team can call out a liar faster than anyone and they would have said something if they thought he was lying. They would have defended you. The wouldn’t have egged him away and joked about you like you were some embarrassing one night stand.
You expected respect and decency and got dishonesty and asshole attitudes instead.
After the weekend of pitying yourself you realized you needed to stop. This wasn’t your fault. He has issues of his own. Issues he needs to work out and come to terms with on his own. Why should you feel anything for a man trying to hide you? Lying to you? Lying to his friends ABOUT you. Reassuring yourself helped but didn’t help the ache in your heart.
Were you ready for this? Were you ready to throw it all away? After all it could just be a misunderstanding. A misinterpretation. It could be your fault. Maybe you were clingy.
No.
No. Absolutely not. You weren’t going to try to defend his actions.
Right now, there's not much that we agree on. Sit down, if you need someone to lean on.
You called him.
“Hello?” he answered right away. “Where have you been are you okay? I was gonna come over and check.”
“Don’t come over.” You cleared your throat and blinked away tears.
“Then please come to mine. I have to talk to you, I missed you.”
He still has no idea. He doesn’t have a clue what you overheard on the phone. All the pieces of the puzzle you put together. All that you’ve realized in the past 3 days.
You rolled your eyes. Any other day you’d think his obliviousness was adorable but right now it only made you want to punch him in his stomach for lying to you and wasting your time.
“I’ll be over to give you your things.”
And you hung up.
That was so hard for you to do and you had hot wet tears running down your face to prove it. No matter how many times you tried to brush them away they just kept on going down.
Fuck him.
A shower and a change of clothes later you were finally ready to see him.
Honest, if I'm coming to your place, it's to say it to your face...
In your car you tried to talk yourself out of it. You told yourself to just forget the phone call over happened and just go back to the way things were. At least you here happy then...at least...sort of. You were okay. You were happy with him. The time you spent with him was enjoyable but you were tired of being his therapist. You were tired of being his dirty mistress. You didn’t want to be lied to or lied about. You were over it.
When you got there he rushed you in the house and looked down at you confusingly.
You had never been inside his place. The only time you were ever really here was when you were inside waiting in the car so that he could change his shirt.
“I thought you were coming tomorrow?”
“I came now to give you your things.”
“JJ will be here soon, you should probably leave. Why did you bring this stuff?”
“They’re yours. They shouldn’t be at my place.”
He looked confused but took the box from your hands anyway.
“I’m leaving.” You simply said and turned towards the door. The sooner you were out the better.
“Can I at least have a kiss?” Spencer asked in the cute voice he knew you liked.
You closed your eyes. “Sorry Reid, but no. I don’t want to seem needy or suffocating, ya’know? Makes it easier to break things off.”
Color drained from his face as he realized what you were talking about. He couldn’t even come up with an excuse other than a - “No, baby I -“
You put your palm in the air facing him telling him to stop.
“It’s okay. I was just someone you visited...like a grandmother. You shouldn’t miss me too much. We’re not even friends, right?”
You walked out of the house.
You walked out on him. Your heart was beating out of your chest. He was always the one to leave. He was always the one to say goodbye.
I've decided that I'm not your fucking friend.
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taglist: @hotchsbabygirl @pinkdiamond1016 @thefemalestorywriter @sizzlingclamturtlesludge @samyilf123
939 notes · View notes
niksfics · 3 years
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↬ FATE
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↬ PAIRINGS: kenma x f!reader (side aka rebound mention) miya atsumu x f!reader
↬ WARNINGS: a whole lotta angst, breakup, it’s an online relationship, kenma is cold and hurts ur feelings
↬ SUMMARY: your relationship with kenma really had felt like the last one. He was it, turns out he didn’t have similar feelings.
↬ A/N: alright loves!! This isn’t proofread at all it’s 2 in the morning I’ll edit when I wake up, butttt Thanks to my lovely ex girlfriend you are now being graced with this steaming pile of trash. (Lovely was not meant sarcastically at all she is in fact very lovely.) Ngl almost, if not all of this story is about my relationship with my ex gf. This is how I cope people. → It’s taken me awhile to actually be able to right something that’s why things kinda stopped. Tbh after she broke up with me it’s been very hard for me to write so hopefully this helps! And I hope you enjoy!! I would also just like to say if it feels a lil weird it’s cause these are things I’ve actually written in my notes I tweaked it a little to fit the story but it’s straight from the source 😩
WC | 2.5K
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You sighed as you opened your notes app. Your eyes scanning over all of the little facts and quirks he had told you about himself. All the stuff you’d wanted to remember. The stuff that had seemed so important to you before. Now it was meaningless, almost like facts about a stranger. Almost as if you hadn’t spent four months learning about and growing with eachother.
You scrolled down a little bit right under, how his favorite marvel character is Spider-Man and you chewed on your lip. Your fingers hovering above the keyboard on your phone. You looked over the facts again. The things he dislikes and the stuff he adores, the things he likes to collect to the way he feels passionately about a certain topic. You begin to type.
Friday June 25th 2022 12:22 Am
I cried again tonight, because I still love you. It’s been a month and six days since we broke up. It feels like there’s a hole in my chest. You seem to be doing fine though, so I’m happy for you! This is the second time since we’ve broken up that I’ve felt actual physical emotional pain in my chest. Remember when I told you how bad it hurt after we broke up? Remember how you didn’t even ask if I was ok? Didn’t even bother to answer. Do you remember that? I remember. I’ve thought about it every day since. I remember it being so bad I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack. Wasn’t until I’d called tetsu crying that he’d told me it was just emotional and I should probably try to relax.
I read through our old messages. I’ve never wanted something back so bad. Never wanted to beg anyone to stay till now. I wish you loved me like I love you. I wish I hadn’t grown so attached, wish I hadn’t fallen so deeply into love with you. I wish it wasn’t my fault that we broke up. I wish I wasn’t so fucking scared. I wish I was fearless. Wish I could rise into love bravely. I wish I was brave when it came to you. I keep telling myself it was me. It was me not you. You didn’t love me anymore. You don’t love me anymore and you’re just too nice to say that. So you told me in the only way I could handle. Except you hadn’t used the words you should have. You got bored. We both know it’s true. You were bored of it, and I don’t blame you. I know we’ll never talk again, and part of me is so glad. Another part of me forces myself to read through all our messages though. I wish I could just tell you one last time. I love you.
You sighed saving it before closing out of it. Tears you hadn’t known were falling finally became known to you as they streamed down your cheeks. Your eyes puffy as you wet your lips, the salt of them coating your tongue. You were bitter and so were your tears. I briefly wondered what he was doing right now. Probably playing a video game. You knew his schedule all to well by now. Probably testing out a new game for his stream.
A new set of fresh tears fell as you remembered how you used to call him right before he went on. Being lulled to sleep by his occasionally curses and the clicking oh his controller or his keyboard.
You never expected things to end this way. You really thought he was the last one. Yes it had only been four months, but the way he made you feel. The way that it had felt. It had felt final, and you’d been friends before you even started dating.
You sniffle moving yourself to the kitchen to poor yourself a glass of water as you remembered how nervous you were when you first texted him. You had acumulated quite the crush on him back in high school. As Inarazaki’s manager you were required to go to the games, and even after your team lost you had stuck around. Watched him play and cheered him on. Two weeks later you had begun to text, as friends of course. It wasn’t until four months ago that you’d gotten together.
Your anniversary was only two days prior to your break up. You both had never been one to even care about that stuff. You had agreed early on in the relationship that we wouldn’t do anything due to the distance, and the business of our schedules. You were never one for remembering things like anniversaries anyways.
He really did feel like the one. Sometimes you just know. Sometimes you can just feel it. Like, you know that feeling you get when you know something is off or you know for sure something is about to happen even without being told it’s going to. That’s what it felt like to be with kozume kenma.
You thought you knew, you thought this time, this time its for real. You thought it was finally safe to say, that he was the one. You both had even admitted to looking for each others initials in those stupid soulmate tik tok videos.
You were finally in a mature relationship with someone you could talk about anything to. You had gotten so caught up in it, that you didn’t even see the end creeping up on you.
You’d finally gained the courage to text him again. Unfortunately it was in a drunken daze. Your hands shaking as you fumbled with your phone typing things you’d come to regret in the morning. You’d sent him a series of texts telling him how much you missed him, how you didn’t understand how he was so okay. You had been a wreck that night. One of your friends puking in her toilet as you cried. You were happy of course that he was doing so well, but you’d been a wreck for so long and he hadn’t even changed. You told him you wished you could be okay.
When you’d awoken the next morning hair knotted in a complete mess and wiping drool from your chin your heart had sunk even lower. His response was cold. You knew that kenma could be cold. You knew that it was just who he was, but this particular text had felt so unfeeling and unfamiliar, it was as if he hadn’t even sent it himself. He had only ever talked like this to you once and that was when you first became friends all those years ago.
Kozume ❤️
Hey, it’s okay. And yeah you see what I choose to put up. I could be better. But I choose to stay optimistic and busy. Sorry that things are this way.
You had never seen so many periods in a text before. He only used grammar like that when he was peeved, and maybe you were wrong, maybe he’d done that on purpose, but it had hurt so bad. It had caused an ache so deep in your chest that you weren’t sure if you’d ever even dated him at all.
Yeah.
It was the only thing you could bring yourself to respond back with. How were you supposed to respond to that? You’d stared at it for so long and after you’d sent it you wished you had said more. Wished you would’ve said something more insightful than a simple, heartbroken, “yeah.”
Not too long later there was another ping and you held your breath. His name briefly appearing across your screen.
Yeah. I could be better. But I hope you do well soon. I’m sorry that I can’t really do much to help out
And of course you did the only thing you could do. Deflect. Pretend like you hadn’t said what you’d said not even fourteen hours ago.
No it’s fine. I’m fine. You don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry that you could be doing better.
He left you on seen. You knew you sounded like an asshole. At least to you, you felt like an asshole. Why couldn’t you have come up with something else. Why couldn’t you tell him the truth. Tell him how you felt. Tell him that you didn’t think you should be broken up anymore. That the month long cruel joke was over and you were ready to spend your nights falling asleep to him playing video games again. You didn’t though, and you never would. You’re not brave enough, too prideful to even try.
You swallowed down the bile rising in your throat as you realized even if you did beg him. Begged him to take you back. Tell him that you still love him. You were too late, and you just couldn’t be selfish when it comes to him. He is over you and it was so plainly obvious. You know that deep down. Know that he’s moved on, and it kills you inside. So you did the only thing you could do. Try and put it into words.
So as you lay in bed the warm body you let occupy your space sound asleep beside you, his toned blonde hair tousled slightly and you sighed. Finally away from the shenanigans of your friends you took a deep breath before you closed your eyes.
You opened up your notes app again and scrolled past the last entry. You swallowed again as you blinked the tears out of your eyes. Your thumbs beginning to move before you even gave them permission.
Wednesday June 30th 2022 1:39 Am
Here I am again. Stuck. Stuck in the same place I’ve been for so long. You know, I write so beautifully when I’m broken. I’m most of my best work is written when I’m being torn apart. But I just, I can’t seem to find the words. I can’t seem to put it into a document and turn out little story into a different story to cope. Can’t seem to write it out. Can’t seem to move on.
I hovered over the unfollow button on your page today, to keep myself from scrolling through your things again. To keep myself from getting hurt. So I don’t have to be reminded. I want to delete it. Delete where we officially met. On a chat through my screen. I wanna wipe the messages clean. And I’ve tried. Oh how I’ve tried. But I can’t.
I want to delete our conversations. The hours long talks we had, but then, what happens afterwards? What keeps the memories alive. I’d never been so in love with someone before. I’ve never actually…. Been in love before. I thought I’d been in love, but it didn’t feel like that, and losing them never hurt like this. Losing someone has never hurt this bad before.
I’ve never felt the emptiness you left so deep in my very being with anyone I’ve ever met before. I can’t seem to pull myself together. And it’s pathetic I know. It’s pathetic that I’m still here. In the same place I was a month ago. It’s about to be two months we’ve haven’t been together. I’m hurting. Hurting so bad. It’s painful to look at you.
I haven’t deleted the photos even though I probably should. They’re still tucked away in an album in my camera roll labeled “us <3” the one one I made specially just for you. The way I’d been so excited when I was finally ready to tell my friends. I even have this stupid notes folder from when we were dating where I wrote all the little things about you that I never wanted to forget. I find you so endearing. Everything you do. I just couldn’t help but right it down to keep it safe so it never leaves my mind. So that I never forget. But now, forgetting is all I want to do.
I never thought there’d be a time in my life where I was more emotionally stunted that I normally. So stunted I can’t even put this, our split up, into words. Make it something entertaining for somebody else to read. Write a book about it. My publicist keeps asking when the sequel for my book will be done. I don’t know if it’ll ever be finished. I can’t do the one thing I’ve always been good at. I’m crying as I write this.
And I wish it would just end here in this little notes app. Wish the love would die in here. I always think I’m over you and then I see you again, and nowadays your everywhere. A very big hit and I’m happy for you and your success, but seeing you makes my heart squeeze in my chest.
I think I’m over you until I play that stupid fucking game that causes me to scream at my phone, or my laptop in frustration, but I just can’t seem to delete it because I know it’s something that you love. That show we used to talk about. I know you know which one, I can’t seem to watch it without thinking of what was. You’ve ruined it forever cause now it only reminds me of you. I know you’ll never see this, but I like to imagine you can. That my time for closure has somehow come.
When you told me you were sorry that things were this way, it was a real slap in the face. It stopped my false hope. My wishing. It all came to a halt. I’m glad. Glad that you’re happier. That you’re better without me. But god, now I’m so fucked up and I can’t even talk to you.
You were the only person I had left. The only one who understood me. And now you’re gone. You took a part of me with you that night. A part that I’ll never get back. I should’ve known that you would leave. I’ve never been able to get someone to stay for longer than three to four months.
I thought I could let my guard down though. I thought we were in the clear. I’d thought finally. Finally someone is gonna stay. I thought you were my person. I still think that to this day. I thought we were gonna make it. And now I’m with this guy I don’t even like. He’s not you, he doesn’t act like you. He doesn’t like video games like you do.
He doesn’t talk to me like you do. Like you did. But you know how it ended I don’t need to put it here. Unfortunately I’ll always love you even if you don’t love me. This is so scattered, I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy.
With that you closed the app and put down your phone. Plugging in it and as it dinged miya atsumu rolled over in his sleep. He reached for you his hands wrapping around your waist to tug you against his strong body.
His gravely voice whispering through sleep, “mmm finally decided to come to bed?” You hum moving an arm under on of his to wrap around his thin waist. “Mhm, thought you might need the company.” You began to draw little shapes and letters against his back as he chuckled, “oh yea? How thoughtful of you princess.”
Suddenly it was quiet and your closed eyes opened to his wide brown ones, his eyebrows furrowing .
“Did you just spell kozume on my back?”
153 notes · View notes
lunaekalenda · 3 years
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Hi! I've a request about Jean who's dating a reader, but they broke up because of a stupid mistake. They didn't see each other for a few weeks or months and next time reader sees Jean, he is hugging Mikasa and whispering her something. So reader decides that they're dating and leaves all heartbroken & crying, but Jean follows her and explains that Mikasa got engaged (that's why he was hugging her) and they're friends. Then he confesses that still loves reader and wants to get back together.
I see that you got a lot of Jean x reader requests lately, so I wonder if it's okay to ask you about one more... I'm sorry if you don't like it or don't want to write it! Have a good day ~
sure! i hope you like it!! <3 and omg it's totally fine <3
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jean x reader
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You miss him. You don't want to, but you do. You see him on every single store you enter, in jerseys that would look so good on him, on every coffee you drink alone. You miss his heath when you wake up, your body adapted to your side of the bed as if he was still there.
You sigh while you keep walking to the center, where you accorded to meet Pieck and Reiner. You haven't got out of your apartment since you broke up with Jean after that discussion that shouldn't had happened. You two were too angry to yourselves and you didn't think about the other one. It was selfish. You look at your clock, you have to hurry up, you don't want to be late. In the next street, you turn right, and you see him. It isn't your imagination, Jean's tall body is there, talking to a girl you can't recognize because she's giving you her back. You try to walk and don't look at him, but you fail.
And he hugs her.
The way he leans to whisper something on her ear makes you feel bad. Did he find someone new that fast? She laughs as well, her head moving.
It's Mikasa Ackerman.
She's smiling while she keeps her hands around Jean's waist, his resting on her shoulders while he smiles. You're too close, and he sees you, his expression changing quickly. Oh. He doesn't want to know about you. Tears start to fall quicker and you leave the street. You can hear him calling you from behind.
"y/n, wait." you feel a sudden touch on your wrist, his hand capturing yours in a try to take your attention. He grabs you quietly to a empty zone. You look to the floor. You don't want him to see you crying, and less because of him. Why didn't you run? Or tell him to let you alone? Maybe you wanted him to chase you. "Wait, please." he asks. You keep looking to the ground. Jean doesn't like to see you that sad, and he knows it is his fault. That the tears falling from your eyes, the ones he wants to wipe and never see again. You look so broke since you two stopped to see each other. He also looks empty, even when he has a new lover, that girl he used to chat with. But he always said that she had a relationship. You don't understand anything.
"What." you say. That tone you used hurts him. As if you forgot all the months together, the happiness and the good moments. There isn't a day he doesn't regret what he did.
"How have you been?" he wanted to ask why you have been crying, but he doesn't find the strength to do it. You look away, always avoiding his eyes.
"As fine as someone who's been on a breakup." you say. For the first time, you look at his eyes. "But I see you've been okay. Making your romantic life again." he looks at you. "Faster than I thought. I'm that easy to forget?" tears are falling again. You were just one more to him, even when he meant the world to you. It hurt like hell, find him hugging another one in less than a week. "Am I that irrelevant for you?" you ask again, your voice breaking with every sob. He takes you closer to his body, a hug you miss a lot. "Why you keep hurting me?" you cry, against his chest, feeling his scent. "Why you're hugging me when your shirt still smells like her." you break in a heavy crying, his soothing caresess in your hair. You don't want them, but, oh, they feel so good. They always felt good.
"You talk about Mikasa?" he asks. His voice sounds empty as his eyes look. "You saw us hugging on the street?" he asks. You nod twice. "She's getting married. Eren proposed to her after all this years dating. I just wanted to greet a friend." he says. "I wanted to be greeted as well, I wanted to propose to you." he says. His heart is fast against your cheek. "I wanted to keep you by my side but i was a stupid."he says. “I yelled at you things I didn’t feel.” he says, you feel a couple hot tears falling between your hair. “I never wanted to hurt you, that’s why I didn’t try to take you back. I was aware from my errors.” he says.
“I also yelled horrible things at you.” you say. “You didn’t deserve it. I was angry at the world and I paid it with you. And never apologized for it. Sorry, Jean.” you find breathing almost impossible, all that tears and hiccups making it harder. He caresses your back, his body reacting to your crying one, as if he was used to it. It was all so natural, even after the breakup. “Please. I still love you, and I learned that I can only imagine a future if you’re in it.” he says, you can feel his hands shaking on your back. “I love you, and I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me again. It was my fault and I’m regretful for what I’ve done.”
“I'm not blameless either.” You remember the yells. The horrible words you said to him. It was a difficult night for you both and you payed it with each other. “But I miss you. Fuck, Jean, I missed you so much.” you bury your face on his shirt, his arms around you, pulling you closer.
“I missed you too. It was just a couple days, but it felt like whole centuries.” he whispers. You feel comfort, love, tenderness there. You feel like home. “I promise I’ll be a better man, for you. I’ve learned from it.” he says. He leaves a little kiss on the top of your head. You’ve been sleeping with his t-shirts, missing his body next to yours, making two coffees when you wake up and feeling empty without his body covered with just a towel while he dances for you in the bedroom. You missed him, you love him.
“Let’s go home, Jean. Take me home, please.” you say. Jean smiles, cleaning a couple tears from your face when you part, looking at him. He takes your hand.
“Let’s go.”
m e a n w h i l e
Pieck was silent, looking to her mojito. Reiner looked around a couple times before taking a sip from his cup. Pieck sighs.
“They’re not gonna come.” she says,
“I fucking knew it.” he says. “I knew it from the moment we saw him on the street near her house.”
146 notes · View notes
favefandomimagines · 3 years
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Why? (t.h.)
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Summary: you and tom broke up at the young age of 21, after the success of Captain America: Civil War. now 3 years later, you run into him again with your three year old son
AN: more angst than fluff that’s for sure and here’s a twist: Evans!Reader (i’m also really bad a writing how toddlers sound so use your imagination)
When you imagined having a baby, you thought of the basic evolution of adulthood. Meet, marriage, then kids. Not meet, date for a year and a half, then baby. A baby who you were currently raising on your own. 
The breakup between you and Tom was the opposite of mutual. You didn’t want it. You wanted to be with him even before you got pregnant. But he wanted other things. 
He wanted other people. And that’s the part that broke your heart. 
“I don’t understand. You have never mentioned this before.” You said to him. “Y/N, it’s not you, okay? It’s just, we’re young. We’re 21 years old, our careers are just taking off. Don’t you want to be free?” Tom explained. 
“Free? You think I’m tying you down?” You questioned. “That’s not what I said.” Tom rebutted. “That’s exactly what you said! You think being in a relationship with me is tying you down. Well, fine Tom. If this is what you want, this is what you’ll get.” You snapped. 
You began to pack up everything you could fit in your small, weekender bag. “I’m going home and I never want to speak to you again.” You sneered. “No, Y/N, don’t do this. We can still be friends.” He told you. “No we can’t. Because I can’t be the friend who’s hopelessly in love with a guy who doesn’t love her back.” You said. 
“I do love you-” He started before you cut him off. “Don’t lie to make yourself feel better.” You sneered. You walked to the door of the hotel you were staying in and slammed it shut. 
You were a mess after the breakup. Physically ill is how you described it to people. You never left your room most days and when you did, you glued yourself to the couch. You lived off of Ben and Jerry’s and The Notebook.
Your friends tried to get you out of your apartment. But you didn’t feel like going out and facing the paparazzi. Especially when every time you stood up, you felt sick to your stomach. 
Even your older brother stayed with you most days. He didn’t want you to be alone. 
That’s when your friend suggested something. “When did you get your period?” She asked you. When she asked, you couldn’t remember when. You chalked it being late up to the stress you were feeling because of Tom and being cast in a new TV show. 
But, your friend bought you the test anyways. And it was positive. Your world was crumbling around you and now you had to fend for a baby. Tom told you he wasn’t going to leave you so you didn’t use a condom. And you couldn’t be on birth control because of underlying health issues you had. 
You were pregnant and you were going to have to raise a child by yourself. But your family was there through it all. Chris came to every doctor’s appointment with you, already earning the title of ‘world’s best uncle.’ 
You were about four months along when Kevin Feige called you about shooting an end credit scene for Spider-Man: Homecoming. How were you going to hide a baby bump from the cast and crew? But the only person you needed to keep it from was Tom. He didn’t want you so why should he be apart of the baby’s life? You would ask yourself that simply out of anger. There was no logical reasoning behind it. 
You shot the scene while pregnant and quickly left Atlanta before anyone began asking any questions. The main one being: who’s the dad? 
The night you gave birth, your entire family was at your side. Throughout the entire 20 hour labor before you welcomed a baby boy into the world. Theodore Evans-Holland was the newest member of the family. But Holland was only on the birth certificate. 
__
Three years had passed since you gave birth to Theo and when they said being a working mother was hard, they weren’t lying. Word spread that you got pregnant but the identity of the father unknown by the public. Including Tom. When asked about Theo in interviews you say it was a one night stand with a friend and that you weren’t together romantically. No one questioned a thing. 
On the set of Infinity War and Endgame, your mom brought Theo to visit often. He got to see his mom and his uncle Chris be superheroes.
“And cut! Let’s take a quick break! Y/N needs to go be a mom.” Anthony Russo joked. You smiled brightly at the three year old who was sitting on your makeup artist’s lap. 
You picked him and placed sloppy kisses all over his face, making the little boy laugh. “Are you having fun?” You asked him. “Yes!” He replied loudly. “Uncle Chwis!” Theo yelled, pointing to his uncle across the set. You couldn’t say no to him so you brought him to his uncle who was talking to Chris and Robert. 
Tom watched as you brought your child over to the three men. He didn’t know you moved on so quick. But he didn’t have a right to be mad. He broke up with you, not the other way around. Though a part of him couldn’t help but wish it was his son. 
You and Theo had decided to have a fun day since it was relatively nice in LA. You took him to the zoo and the aquarium before stopping at the Starbucks close to your house as a nice treat. 
Theo was a big fan of their frappucinos. 
You were holding him as he was beginning to get a little bit fussy after such a long day. 
“Y/N?” You heard from behind you. You turned around and saw Tom in the line behind you waiting for his name to be called. “Oh, uh, hi Tom.” You greeted him. “How are you?” He asked. “I’m fine. Just waiting on our order.” You answered. 
“Mommy, that’s spider-man.” Theo whispered to you. “Yes, baby, that is spider-man.” You spoke to him. “Hey little man.” Tom greeted the young boy. “You two have the cutest son. He looks just like his dad.” An older lady commented on the two of you. 
“No, he’s uh, not mine.” Tom quickly corrected her. The lady looked from you back to Tom before giving a pretty fake smile. “We, uh, we have to go. Theo needs a nap.” You said quickly, grabbing your drinks and making your way towards the exit. 
“Y/N, wait!” Tom called. You stopped a turned around to look at him. You and Tom looked at one another for a few moments before he looked at Theo. You could see he was doing the math in his head and analyzing Theo’s facial features. 
It was true though. He did look just like his dad. Same hair, same eyes, he had your nose though. 
“See you around, Tom.” You said breaking the silence before walking back towards your car. 
__
Later that evening, you were sitting on the couch with Theo watching Captain America. It was his favorite movie at the moment because he got to watch uncle Chris be a superhero. 
You were alerted by the sound of the doorbell and wondered who would be at your door at such an odd hour. “Stay here, buddy.” You told your son as you got up to answer the door. 
And when you did, you were very tempted to close it right in his face. Because Tom was standing on your doorstep looking completely distraught. 
“What are you doing here?” You asked. “He’s mine, isn’t he? Theo’s my son.” He said. You were quiet for a moment before you stepped out on to the porch so Theo wouldn’t hear. 
“Yes. Theo is your’s.” You answered quietly. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?” Tom asked, the anger in his voice very evident. “Because, Tom, you didn’t want me anymore! A kid wasn’t going to change that! It would tie you down even more than I did.” You replied. “I had a right to know. I’m his father.” He said. 
You ran a hand through her hair as you squeezed your eyes shut trying to make the tears go away. 
“You didn’t want me, Tom. You didn’t want to be with me and a kid wasn’t going to magically fix that. Who’s to say you were going to want to be apart of his life if I told you? Like you said that night, we were 21, our careers taking off. I gave you the freedom you asked for.” You spoke. 
“I messed up, okay? I knew that the second I woke up the next morning and you weren’t there next to me. It was stupid of me to even think that. We could’ve been regular 21 year-olds together.” Tom said. “But at the time, you meant it.” You said. 
The silence that fell upon the two of you was awkward and uncomfortable. The only sound coming from the TV inside seeping through the cracked front door. 
“I need to know him. I know I hurt you and it was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. But I need to know my son, Y/N.” Tom begged. 
You looked at the man in front of you and didn’t see who you were in a relationship with three years ago. Maybe because he’s had to grow up faster than the usual person. Or maybe because you had to grow up faster and raise a child. 
“You can meet him. But we need to take this very slow. Theo is my entire world and I will not have him end up heartbroken like I was.” You finally spoke. 
Tom’s eyes lit up at your words and he rapidly nodded his head. You slowly let him into the house, Theo entirely unaware that anything was happening. 
“Hey, bud. There’s someone I want you to meet.” You said to the small boy. You sat down next to him, him taking the liberty of crawling onto your lap. 
He stared at Tom warily, wondering why a stranger was in his house. He knew. that he was spider-man but to him spider-man was a stranger. 
“Theo, you know how I told you that daddy was an astronaut exploring space?” You questioned. Theo nodded his head looking up at you. “Well, he’s back from space now. Theo, I want you to meet your dad.” You told him. 
The brunette boy looked from you up to Tom. “My daddy’s spider-man?” Theo questioned. “Yes, your daddy is spider-man.” You confirmed. “That’s why he was in outer space! Helping Iron Man!” Theo shouted. “That’s right bud. I was gone for a while, but I’m here now.” Tom finally spoke. 
Theo left your lap and launched himself at Tom. You didn’t know you would feel so emotional when Theo finally met Tom as his father. You just thought it wouldn’t be until he was older so you weren’t prepared for it. 
“Are you staying, daddy?” Theo asked the man. Tom felt like all of the oxygen was knocked out of his body when Theo called him that. 
He looked over at you and you reluctantly nodded your head. “Yeah, buddy. I’m staying.” He answered. Theo jumped up and down on the couch before you scolded him. 
“Hey, hey, we don’t jump on couches anymore, remember? Besides, it’s past your bedtime.” You told him. “I wanna show daddy my room.” Theo. “He can put you to bed. Now go get your PJs.” You said. 
Theo got off the couch and ran down the hallway towards his room. “He’s going to want to show you all of his Marvel stuff but only for five minutes. After that, tuck him in with his Black Panther stuffie. Then you have to read him a story or he’ll never fall asleep.” You explained to Tom as you stood up. 
“You did a really good job with him.” Tom commented. “I know.” You smiled fondly. “I don’t have to stay if you don’t want me too.” He said. “You’ll sleep in the spare room. He wants you in his life so you have to be here. And tomorrow, we’ll go get Tessa.” You told him. 
Tom smiled at you as you retreated to the kitchen to pick up a bit before bed. Tom walked down the hallway towards Theo’s room and found him all tucked in bed with various pieces fo Marvel collectibles. 
“Daddy, daddy! Come look at the things mommy and Uncle Chwis got for me!” He said to Tom. Tom happily obliged and sat on the edge of the bed as Theo began to explain what everything was. 
You leaned against the doorframe and observed the two together for a short while. You had a lot of healing to do with Tom but you couldn’t deny the fact that Theo needed his dad, despite Tom’s past mistakes. 
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