#oh is this why I’ve been wildly fluctuating between feeling like I’ve made so much progress and like I’m more depressed than ever

[has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong]

In regards to the high school Au, Gil meeting a shy yet pretty girl that he likes. What would he do to win her heart?

Hello, anon! I'm glad you enjoyed the high school AU. This will be an interesting continuation...TIME TO GO IN GUNS BLAZING!!

btw i made the reader insert character gender neutral so then it feels more like a dating sims game. :3

note: this is going to be a bit ooc (crackfic maybe)

Student Gilgamesh Developing a Crush (High School Au)

- Bored, Gilgamesh sips his wine on the school roof as usual; gorging himself in a specially-reserved bento box. He liked it up above, where he could just rest, instead of dominating the school so fiercely.

- When he hears the sound of pattering footsteps traipsing across his sacred grounds, anger thunders down on his face. "To think that such a foolish mongrel would have the nerve to entrench themselves upon my resting area...How dare you-" The words freeze in his throat, as he catches sight of you.

- From your posture, to the expression on your face...Gilgamesh was ensnared within the thorns of captivation!

- "E-err...sorry about that." You bow politely, as wind billows through your beautiful strands of hair, eyes blossoming like the finest of flowers. "You see, I just like to sit here too sometimes." Albeit being rather nervous, you bravely spoke up for yourself, which he liked. "I mean, I can leave if you'd like but I like this place too-" His brusque red eyes catch you off guard, as you duck your head in agony; twiddling your fingers.

- He was so scary!! As you fluctuated between wanting to leave and wanting to stay (because its not as if Gilgamesh owns the school roof or anything), his hands suddenly grip yours- as he pulls you towards him with all the force of a bull.

- "How adorable...how utterly enthralling you are! I never expected to witness such a fine beauty upon these school grounds." Gilgamesh has already latched into his hardcore flirting mode, leaning in awkwardly close to your face. "Mongrel. Tell me your name. NOW."

- Eyes wide with shock, you reluctantly tell him your name, only for him to proclaim that you shall have his interest from now on. "Although you are a beauty, you are naught but a mongrel. If you catch my eye from now on as well, so be it!" He tries to play it cool, but is actually much more interested than he wants to let on. "Take this land for yourself. I have no need for it anymore."

-As he leaves- face beaming with joy- an ominous pit of worry pools in your stomach. You knew the rumors all to well- of how Gilgamesh was pretty tough work, relentless once interested; and the tales of all the people who he had left broken and rejected. 'I'd better pick a god and pray...'

- However, you are greatly surprised by how tame his approach is at first (let's just say that he can be quite a nuisance at times). Besides from randomly slotting the occasional gift atop your desk, and winking whenever you passed him by; Gilgamesh was pacing himself for once.

- Once you nervously asked your friends about this, they reassured you that he wasn't always quite so hardcore as he seemed. "He only pops off once he's fully invested! All the best," Your stomach churned slightly at the idea of that. The amount of expert knowledge they had on his movements were insane. Everybody treated him like a local celebrity!!

- However, all things drastically change once he crosses paths with you during Sports Ed. Bunking off yet another class deemed too banal to entertain him, he strolls through school grounds- only to catch sight of your legs trembling as you parry the horrible sports ed teacher's serves; tears dropping from your eyes- as other students watch blankly on, hoping to avoid eye contact with the situation altogether.

- Once the teacher picks his next unfortunate target, Gilgamesh is surprised to see you rush to the back; only to be taken aback by the next sight lying before him.

- Helping take care of students injured by your demonic excuse for a Sports Ed teacher, you mouth words of encouragement to them, despite clearly shaking with fear yourself. Despite being extremely shy and scared, it seemed as if you were trying desperately to support others, as well.

- "Hoh..." Now he was certainly interested. Slinking back to his private zone, Gilgamesh vows to conduct a little more research on a certain asshole Sports Ed teacher...

- Luck seems to strike the pan, for another huge encounter occurs once he bumps into you at the shoe lockers. The sun slowly sinks across the horizon; dappling the world around you in a bright orange light.

- "You've been evading me so skillfully lately, mongrel. Have my divine offerings been to your liking?" Leaning against your locker, he grins mischievously at you; red irises dancing with amusement.

- "T-the chocolates were nice...but I'm fine without any gifts. So you don't have to bring them anymore." Hugging your plastered hands to your chest, you lower your head. Now just wasn't the time, you were already drained for the day. "I have to go, sorry..."

- Now that was a surprise. Usually people would be dying for his attention, not evading him like this! However, this was exactly to Gilgamesh's liking oh my god. Leaning forwards, he's just about to attempt to set your heart aflutter with some cheesy adages until...

- The Sports Ed teacher bursts in, eyes brimming with rage. "Y/N!!! WHY ARE YOU LATE? All that talk about 'i want to protect my friends', and then you can't even come to club on time, huh? You freaking coward!" By this time, the teacher is gripping you by the arms, as scared tears drop from your eyes, expression frightened.

- Eyes narrowing with disgust, Gilgamesh stares at the events unfurling before him. His research had uncovered a great deal of trash on this teacher, who was infamous for training students way past their limits; bullying them severely for not fitting his ridiculous standards.

- Grabbing the teacher by the scruff of his neck, Gilgamesh forcefully pulls him away from your quivering figure. "How pathetic a troglodyte you are, to be treating your fellow mongrels with such disdain. " Gilgamesh all but hisses into the teacher's ears. "You leave me no choice but to punish you."

- "Punish me? Who the hell do you think you are, you bastard?! I'll suspend you for touching me!" The teacher slaps Gilgamesh's palm away, as you watch them with terror. Things were getting ugly, and fast.

- "I'm Gilgamesh. Remember the name, mongrel- especially once I've casted your meagre buttocks out of this estate." Unveiling his golden-plated phone, a horrifying gleam lights in his eyes as he reveals a huge list of the teacher's misdemeanors. "I know what pathetic things you've been up to...and about your abuse of power. Not that I'd usually care, mind you." However, the teacher had the gall to threaten you. Which basically meant that he was now dead meat?! he was gonna destroy him XD

- Worried, you step in before Gilgamesh can unleash one of his terrifying bribes upon the teacher. "W-wait, Gilgamesh!" As he turns to you-shocked that you'd address him by name, you smile. "I-I think we should have him legally fired instead...but that's just me..." That way, he'd never be able to become a teacher again.

- "Hoh, how kind-hearted of you. Well, I shall honor your rather pitiable request once." Gilgamesh shoos off the bewildered teacher, who looks confusedly between you both. "Fate has bestowed you with generous luck today; you pathetic excuse for a teacher. Depart the premises at once!"

- However, the teacher is extremely prideful; and lunges to attack Gilgamesh- flying so wildly off the mark that he legitimately crashes into the teacher's office nearby. Which alerts all of the teachers of the ensuing scuffle. Which then results in you having to bravely explain the situation...which ends up with the teacher being MIRACULOUSLY FIRED ON THE SPOT?!!!!

- It was as if this chain of events was perfectly orchestrated. As you look towards him with both a mixture of awe and fear, he heartily laughs. "Fuhahaha! Let's just say that Lady Luck favors me quite greatly." That was a lie. Gilgamesh knew much more than he was letting on.

- "Thank you." For the first time, you truly smiled at him; sunlight beaming down on your face. "For a scary tyrant, you can be really helpful sometimes." Those were not the words he was expecting to hear at all! Coughing awkwardly, Gilgamesh puts on a mask of nonchalance to avoid his burgeoning feelings. You weren't meant to say that!!!

- "Fuhn, I wasn't doing it to help you, nor the other pathetic mongrels that troglodyte was bullying. Don't get cocky, lowlife." And with that he was gone, as you waved goodbye.

romancing bit (?!!)

- Seeing as Gilgamesh is now very interested in you, he will most likely make sure to cross paths with you as often as possible; saying all sorts of cheesy and flirty things. He sits with you during break, loudly sipping wine by your side as other students look on with amazement. He also leaves letters and gifts by your desk everyday. The letters are eerily direct, proclaiming ominous things such as 'we shall wed...'

- Overall, he is overzealous and extremely headstrong in his approach, not giving you enough time to breathe. However if you tell him that you feel overwhelmed by his actions, he reconsiders them briefly...only to go over-the-top in different ways instead; hoping that you'll be pleased by his advances. I think Gilgamesh needs to learn more about self-restraint here.

- He'll probably want to take you to many places as well, and try and bowl you over with limited edition experiences; things that are beyond your wildest dreams. He's probably also going to get very serious as well by increasing the time he spends by your side considerably. Expect to see him everyday from now on, too!

- Is he the type to do a shoujo-manga style entrance to sweep you off your feet? Yes. He does helicopter landings every now and then, thrusting a bouquet at you. He also hires people to serenade you at times, much like something out of a romantic novel; and loves seeing your surprised reactions.

- He will get quite pushy at times, so it's recommended to alert him if you're not enjoying it. In his eyes, the two of you are as good as close contemporaries now.

- Exasperated, he finally decides to ask "Mongrel. What is it that you desire? Anything you shall wish for will be in your hands." He's absolutely convinced that he can do anything to win you over. However when you reply with a simple, "...I'd like some help with my studies!" as your adorable cheeks flush with determination, he sighs. There was no winning over you with conventional means. Yet, he is also spurred on by the challenge.

- "Although your response is a terribly common one, I'll oblige you." He certainly will. "With my expertise, you'll be acing all of your classes from now on!" When a color-coded, detailed guide on all of your subjects lands on your desk the next day, as Gilgamesh smiles smugly at you.

- As you flick through the pages, you see detailed notes on all the things you don't understand, and are quite shocked by the quality level of this. "T-this is amazing!" You gasp. "How did you do this?!"

- "I have my sources." He really did. "Mongrel. From now on, I shall stand by your side. Do not hesitate to call upon my assistance if need be." And with that, his word is final.

- I have a feeling that once he likes someone, he'll hold onto them quite tightly, and will do as much as he can to impress them; going out of his way to win their heart.

#gilgamesh #fate series #gilgablog #my writing #fgo #ok this is high school au so its a little tame a little crackfic and a little ooc XD its a light hearted story ^^ #this is like an otome game now. it is isnt it. #asks #anon

[hongism]

hi caly! i’m sorry if this is a personal question, and if it is you can 100% not answer this, but how did you understand you were demisexual? i’ve honestly been having a crisis about my sexuality for a few months (this is So Tiring oh my god) and sometimes i think i might identify as demisexual, so i’d like to know more about it, how you feel…. again, i’m so sorry if this is too personal! 💔 - 🧸

nono pls don't apologize!!! i'm always more than happy to discuss it and talk about it especially to help give some insight and such 🥺 honestly i understand the struggle and the pain of having that sexuality crisis and i've been through it quite a bit and it took me a long time to find what i was comfortable with.

i suppose the idea of experiencing sex myself has always been something that sort of was just,,,,not something i was into? it's definitely shifted and fluctuated over the years but there was a time when i was very sex repulsed and couldn't stomach the thought of ever wanting to have sex myself and because of that i simple never looked at someone and experienced sexual attraction towards them. and even in the first four 'relationships' i had, i couldn't bring myself to be sexually attracted to any of them no matter how hard i tried (which i did try to force myself to bc i felt there was something wrong with me for not being able to feel that for people i liked). it wasn't until my first love/serious relationship that i had a sort of dawning and realization that suddenly with this person i was able to feel sexual attraction without needing to force it and without really having to try.

for a long time i've been told that 'it's normal, it's something you'll feel with the right person' which is an extremely outdated mindset in my opinion and that hurt a lot more than it helped because it made me feel like there was something even more wrong with me in that i would never be able to find someone to feel that with. prior to my first love, i identified asexual bc really i could not pinpoint a moment where i ever felt sexual attraction towards anyone. but throughout that relationship i felt that i was beginning to experience it and experience it more often as well, so i did a lot of research and looked at a lot of people's experiences and how they felt, and demisexuality was something i felt connected to because it wasn't until i experienced a deep emotional connection with my partner at the time that i felt sexually attracted to them.

even though i'm not in that relationship any longer, i still feel most tied to that label of demisexuality whereas i find myself drifting somewhere between bi and pan and that's something i'm always thinking about, but i feel safe and secure under the umbrella of demisexuality as of now. i think the biggest reason why i'm still able to see myself as demisexual while not being in a relationship currently is because i still don't experience sexual attraction to people i've just met, random people on the street, just through pictures of people i don't know, etc. all in all though i think it's been a very fluid journey to reach this point of security for me, and it's definitely something is sometimes more intense and sometimes not at all. even now, i'll often joke about wanting to fuck someone but it doesn't take away from where i stand on the spectrum of sexuality if that makes sense?

sexuality as a whole is a very dicey thing, and for some people it's wildly easy to understand where they stand and for others it's incredibly difficult, and even with all these articles and posts out there, i'd say there's no perfect guideline and checklist to sexuality. it's very much different for everyone and everyone experiences it in different ways!! i hope this helps even just a little bit, i think my thoughts got very jumbled and messy so im sorry for that fgjdlkfjg

#🧸 anon

[whitleyschn33]

Hey, I don't mean to bother you again, but if you're still feeling up to it, I'd still like to see your opinions on each member of the Schnee family. No pressure if you don't want to do it though; I still appreciate seeing whatever you do post.

Hey!

You’re not bothering me, trust me. My motivation for... well, everything, but this blog in particular fluctuates pretty wildly, and that means that asks can sit in my inbox for months. The world going to hell hasn’t helped much. Also, every single time I’ve tried to write this, I’ve ended losing chunks of it cause I was too dumb to just type this in a word doc and copy-paste, so that’s been frustrating, to say the least.

Now that I’ve gotten smarter, though, let’s get into the Schnees!

Jacques

I have mixed feelings about how he was (potentially) written out of the show (and I have a feeling I’m going to be saying that a lot in this reply). I said in this post awhile back that I didn’t want Jacques to become an agent of Salem because something like that would most likely become the focal point of his asshole-ness and shove everything else to the side. That feeling holds true, but not really in the way I had been expecting.

How he ended up benefiting Salem, I’m perfectly good with. Him not knowing about Salem or Watts’ motives for making the deal with him, making the deal because it of how it would benefit him and not to serve Salem/kill people - that I’m good with. He was an unknowing pawn Watts/Salem manipulated around the board, but not a mustache-twirling villain all on board with working with the genocidal maniac/serving on her council of villains, and that’s all I really wanted - for him to not be a knowing member of Salem’s board of evil. Being part of a group that desires global destruction just doesn’t fit his motives – can’t make money off people if they’re all dead.

However, the fact that that’s why he was arrested - that his downfall was due to and focused solely on being involved in a Salem plot that just popped up this volume rather than anything to do with his treatment of the Schnees or the Faunus - that kinda rankles. This goes back to the ask I answered a while back - the focus on all the new plots and characters that meant a lot of the old stuff that’s been built up was shoved aside. Jacques being taken down feels like it should have been this huge emotional climax, tensions running high with all of the Schnees there and a huge release of all of those tensions as Jacques gets taken down for the crimes that we as the audiences most revile him for – his treatment of the Schnees. Instead it was… none of that. Jacques is arrested by Weiss for his aid to Watts… and she promptly cracks a joke about it to kill the tension. Winter is able to get in a decent snap at him, but that’s it from her. The entirety of Jacques’ arrest is focused on the heating crisis. He’s dragged off, and only Willow and Whitley get to witness and react to it, and even that’s just a look from Willow and Whitley running off looking completely done with everything – they don’t even react with each other. There’s nothing in Jacques’ downfall about his abuse to his wife and children or even the Faunus, it’s all the election and Watts – plot points that don’t hold nearly as much weight to the audience as ones that have been set up for years.

So, TLDR for Jacques: I actually hope this isn’t the last we see of him, because that would be a disappointing way to end the Schnee’s arc as a family. At the very least, I hope we get to see him talked about between Winter, Willow, and Whitley if/when they actually get to talk to each other.

Willow

Mixed Feelings: Round Two.

Her design? Love it. Her conversation with Weiss? Gold. Willow as a character? A bit more involved than I would’ve thought from how very non-existent she’s been up until now and implied to have been in Weiss’s life, but I can roll with her being a bit more aware than I would’ve gone with. Willow’s role in this volume? Ehhhhhhhh….

I hate that she literally just has a camera hidden in Jacques’ office and recorded the entire thing. It seems like such a cheap way of Weiss getting the information she needed, and comes out of nowhere after there was already a way for her to get the information set up in Whitley. Seriously – we already had Whitley established as having seen Watts, seen Jacques’ reaction to him, look suspicious at Watts, and hear at least the man’s first name. Whitley absolutely had the information Weiss needed – so why the hell pull “Willow actually has cameras set up everywhere” out of thin air? And actually – wouldn’t Jacques have his office swept for cameras and bugs on the regular? You know, like the head of an extremely powerful organization and high-profile target of at least one major terrorist group probably would? To prevent something like this exact situation from happening? I just find it hard to believe that she could’ve set them up for long without being found, and setting them up just before something important to the plot happened in that room is just very convenient.

And like, there’s actually no reason that it needed to be that way. Willow and Weiss could have had the same conversation, just swap out the lines about the cameras with “I don’t know, but I know who would – your brother”, and you can even have Weiss still say that he wants nothing to do with her and Willow agree with her “you left him here with us” line, prompting Weiss to seek him out to get the information she needs and maybe even have a heart-to-heart with him. Whitley wouldn’t even have to give up the information in that conversation – he could be incredibly stubborn about it and unwilling to help until Weiss is called into a meeting about the heating crisis, which Whitley would absolutely follow into to listen whether he’s invited or not, and hearing what’s going done, decide to step up and come clean, realizing if he doesn’t, thousands of people will die. I can actually picture it in my head, and it would be so much better than just “Oh, yeah, I got cameras that recorded the entire nefarious conversation.”

And I’ve spent this entire section not really talking about Willow. Uhh… again, I really like her design. I like that she’s wearing purple, a color no other Schnee wears (except… Whitley with that wine… hmmm) – a mixture of red and blue, her freedom being drowned in something else until it’s completely tainted. Her voice is good, and for the most part, I really do like her conversation with Weiss. I also love that she finally points out what me and other Whitley fans have been screaming for ages – that you can’t expect someone that you basically abandoned (in his eyes) to look favorably on you, and I like that she acknowledges her own role in that, that she’s been a poor parent as well, and actively a detriment to Whitley.

TLDR, I like Willow, I just hate the damn cameras that seem to only exist for this plot point (since if they existed before, shouldn’t Weiss being hit be what they were meant to capture?).

Winter

Best girl, hands down. Not kidding, Winter basically carried this volume for me – rational, yet having very human reactions to things while recognizing that the emotional response isn’t necessarily the right one, the star of a badass fight with Cinder in which her Aura breaks but she still goes on fighting and holding her own against a damn Maiden, an awesome new outfit, wonderful conversations with Penny and just a very interesting relationship with her overall, actually gets to fight back against Jacques to his face – is there any point where this woman doesn’t exceed all my expectations?

I wasn’t a huge Winter fan before this volume, but I’ve successfully been converted. Second favorite Schnee for sure.

Weiss

On thin ice. Still my favorite of the RWBY crew, but considering how much of a nose dive the other three (in particular Ruby) took in this volume, that’s not saying a lot. A lot of what irks me with Weiss are… little moments. Implying that Winter shouldn’t trust Ironwood because he “could” be keeping secrets when she’s the one lying while Ironwood has been nothing but honest, the implication that Winter isn’t capable of making her own choices in regards to the military and the Maiden and that Ironwood must have been grooming her (I really hate this implication, both for trying to tear Ironwood down and for trying to rob Winter of her own agency – like, joining the military was her choice, her escape from Jacques, and you want to turn that into some kind of long game manipulation on Ironwood’s part? You want to prove Jacques of all people right in that he “stole” Winter, rather than Winter making her own choices and Ironwood recognizing her abilities and offering her the Maiden’s powers? Really?), trying to brush aside Ironwood’s concerns about just how much RWBY has done behind his back, calling Mantle “her home” when it’s never been that in front of Marrow who is almost certainly from Mantle – just, a lot of little things that I really dislike, not to mention that this is probably the worst design she’s had. But there hasn’t been anything that’s just blatantly ruined her for me, and she remains the most interesting and well executed character of RWBY for me.

TLDR, a lot of bratty moments that push me away from her, but still holds promise.

Whitley

My poor boy! He finally got more screentime and some of our headcanons comfirmed, but made the butt of a joke that could’ve easily been replaced with character development and underutilized so much. I’d say mixed feelings, but no – love his character, hate how he was used would probably be the best summary. Of course, I’m very much biased, but let’s not let something like that stop me.

More screentime! And letting him talk to someone other than Weiss! His banter with Ironwood was good, seeing his reactions to Jacques, how afraid and timid he was, was heartbreaking, and even if it didn’t go anywhere, his suspicion of Watts was nice to see. It’s always sweet to see headcanons confirmed too – the painting of him playing the piano was nice, and even if I’d have rather had it come out of his own mouth, Willow’s confirmation of him feeling abandoned by Weiss was such a satisfying thing to hear.

On the other hand, I absolutely hate the wine prank. It was way too drawn out and petty – seeing so much joy on JNR’s face while setting it up over the course of a whole minute and using an stack of food half his size to toss onto him – it was way too over the top. If they had to go for the food thing, having Oscar (or someone else, but Oscar is the one without a huntsman license, so he’s more believably clumsy) just pretend to trip with a regular plate and get it on his shirt would’ve been just fine, and we could’ve gotten a nice interaction between Whitley and someone new and get some character development. But nope. We got to have RBYJNR take way too much glee in dumping a mountain of food on a boy they’ve never met before for… talking to his sister and unwittingly getting in their way. It just puts a bad taste in my mouth.

And of course, what I talked about in Willow’s section, the set up of him seeing Watts going absolutely nowhere. Seriously – you set up the perfect opportunity, and then took an out-of-nowhere cop out. It feels like such a squandered set-up, and really disappoints me.

At least we actually got him reacting to Jacques, and it was given an appropriate emotion and fitting cinematography. I love the shot of Whitley sitting all alone on the stairs, watching the only person that actually gives him attention being dragged away without explanation, and seeing the weariness and sadness in his expression as he looks up – I love it, I love it so much. The last bit of hope that they may actually treat my boy right in the end…

TLDR: My boy!

And there you have it! Months late, my thoughts on the Schnee after the most recent volume! How will these change after volume 8? Hopefully for the better, but we’ll have to wait and see!

Thank you for the ask, and once again, sorry for the wait. I may try and take a few more hits at my inbox, but that’ll have to wait for tomorrow, since I’ve got work in the morning.

Have a good night, and stay safe!

#rwby #weiss schnee #winter schnee #whitley schnee #willow schnee #jacques schnee #rwby7 #ask reply

[mikauzoran]

Lukadrien Drabble: Nachtmusik Chapter Twenty-One

A Little Night Music (Eine Kleine Nachtmusik) Chapter Twenty-One: Bubble, Bubble

Luka wasn’t quite sure what he’d been expecting.

He’d received a text string from Nino, simply reading, “yo.”, “meet friday 13:00 place du châtelet by fountain?”, “need to talk.”

Honestly, it had felt rather cryptic, but Luka assumed it was something about Marinette and agreed to the meeting.

Friday at one, he parked his motorcycle by the fence bordering parts of the plaza, next to one of the many trees lining the perimeter. He took off his helmet and shook out his squished hair like a wet dog shedding excess water.

Nino was sitting on the lip of the Fontaine du Palmier with his back to the column rising out of the center, one of the four sphynxes spewing jets of water directly behind him. He was tapping his foot along to the music coursing through his headphones, and it seemed like he didn’t notice Luka’s approach at first, but when he did, Nino gave Luka a nod of acknowledgement and slipped the headphones down to rest around his neck.

“What’s up with the bubbles?” Luka couldn’t help but ask.

Nino gave a snort and a wry smile as he pulled the bubble wand out of the bottle and blew another stream of soapy, opalescent orbs into the air. “Stress relief. It’s very calming. Really mindless in a therapeutic kind of way. I blow bubbles when I’m ticked. I used to do it for fun too, but…not so much anymore.”

“Oh,” Luka replied politely, nodding. He sensed a story there but could tell from Nino’s wildly fluctuating aura that it would be best not to ask.

“It’s also a reminder to control my temper,” Nino continued in a warning tone, flashing a neon red sign concerning his current mood. “as well as of how much Adrien means to me.”

There was something dangerous in Nino’s eyes, a rattlesnake’s tail shake in his voice at the word “Adrien”, and Luka realized what it was that Nino thought they needed to talk about.

“I see,” Luka muttered gravely. “And that’s why we’re here?”

Nino nodded, blowing an additional stream of bubbles. “I’m going to level with you. This,” He lifted the bubble wand and bottle. “is to give my hands something to do besides punch you in the face. I picked this plaza so that there’d be witnesses so that I’d think twice about punching you. Adrien seems to think you’re some kind of angel or something, but I have to admit that I’m not a fan.”

“That’s fair,” Luka allowed. “So, I gather this is about things between me and Adrien?”

“I’m here to tell you to back the hell off,” Nino informed. “Break things off and stay away from him. Like, never talk to him again.”

Unexpectedly, something inside Luka snapped. Normally he was very slow to get upset, but that reminder of what Gabriel had done to them, separating Adrien and Luka for two years, it set off all kinds of alarm bells and defence responses in Luka’s mind.

“No,” Luka answered curtly. “I don’t think I will. Sorry, but Adrien is too important to me to give him up just because you’re jealous and want him for yourself. You’ll have to think of some other way of getting out of the friend-zone with him than comforting him over losing me.”

Nino’s face flushed dark, a dangerous-looking snarl contorting his features as he stood to match Luka’s height. “Dude, that is not what this is about.”

Luka laughed mockingly, crossing his arms and tipping his head. “Oh, it’s not? Lahiffe, I have seen the way you look at him. Sometimes it’s not very platonic. Pardon the pun, but, if we’re going to do this, be straight with me.”

Nino’s grip on the bubble wand and bottle tightened. “Okay. Fine. Sometimes he pushes my less-than-straight buttons, but that is a teeny, tiny part of my relationship with him. An insignificant crush like that means nothing next to everything else we’ve been through together. Above all, Adrien is my friend, and I love him like a brother. This isn’t about me. This is about you messing around with my brother, so don’t you dare drag this down to the level of a cheap crush and petty jealousy.”

Luka uncrossed his arms and made a placating gesture with his palms at the level of his chest. He gave a nonchalant shrug.

“And another thing,” Nino hissed, capping the bubbles so that he could point a finger accusatorially at Luka. “I have a girlfriend, and I love her. You know, that actually means something to some people.”

Luka gave a snort, hand going to his hip as he raised his chin challengingly. “Why don’t you just say what you came here to say and be done with it already?”

“Did you tell Adrien you were in love with him?” Nino spit.

Luka blinked, the fight momentarily surprised out of him. He frowned, confused. “I mean…yes?”

Past tense. Luka had told Adrien that first night they’d gone to the opera together that Luka had been in love with Adrien that summer two years prior.

Nino hissed like something being dropped into hot oil. “Mec, you can’t do that.”

Luka laughed indignantly. “Too late?”

“Look, I don’t know why you said that, if you thought it’d get you into his pants or whatever,”

Luka took a step forward and almost grabbed Nino for daring to sully the memory of how Luka had felt that summer, but halfway through the step he came to his senses and stomped down the urge to lash out in retaliation.

“but you can’t say stuff like that to Adrien,” Nino continued. “Like, it actually means something to him.”

“Crazy, because it meant something to me too,” Luka remarked flatly.

Nino shook his head, jaw set in a hard line. “No, Mec. Like, it means something. In Adrien’s mind, people don’t love Adrien. Marinette doesn’t love Adrien. Gabriel doesn’t love Adrien. None of his screaming fangirls love Adrien. I let him down, so I don’t love Adrien. The guy’s got it in his head that his mother didn’t even love him because she didn’t take him with her when she ran away. He thinks he’s unlovable. I’m gonna say it again because this is important: Adrien thinks he’s unlovable.”

Luka’s face fell. Yes, Adrien had always been extremely insecure about other people’s feelings for him, but Luka hadn’t realized how deep-seated an issue this was.

“And then you come along,” Nino growled, “and you somehow manage to convince him that you really do love him. Do you maybe get it now? What that means to him? How important that is to him? You said, ‘I love you’, and he heard promises. He heard, ‘I’ll always love you’ and ‘I want to marry you’ and ‘happily ever after’. Do you maybe get now some semblance of what you’ve done?”

Luka was silent as his mind raced, trying to pick through Nino’s bias to the truth.

“I don’t know why you said that.” Nino shook his head slowly and sighed. “I don’t know if you just enjoyed watching him fawn all over you or what, but whatever you intended, it’s blown up bigger than you could have possibly anticipated.

“Adrien had a really sheltered, isolated childhood,” Nino explained wearily. “He didn’t have the chance to interact with others and learn about relationships in real life. He bases his expectations and behavior off of fairytales and anime because that’s what he’s primarily been exposed to. Seriously. Take his age and subtract ten. That’s the level of emotional intelligence and maturity he has. That’s why this whole thing with Marinette is so hard for him. He thought he’d found his soulmate and everything was magically going to work out because that’s how it always goes in the fantasy world he lives in. He has no frame of reference to help him deal with this besides shutting down like his dad did when his mom left. He doesn’t know how to deal with a world without ‘happily ever after’s.”

Nino sighed and sat back down on the lip of the fountain, tiredly uncapping the bottle and taking out the bubble wand once more. He gave Luka a pleading look. “He was doing better, though. He was doing really well with therapy and learning how to live in the real world and take care of himself and coping strategies and all that…but then you came along with your ‘I love you’, and he’s latched onto that. He thinks he’s a Disney princess and you’re his Prince Charming and you’re going to save him. …I think you’re smart enough to know that you can’t save him, even if you wanted to,” Nino added darkly. “Adrien has to save himself. That’s how the real world works. When it comes to mental health stuff and becoming stronger people, other people can help, but they can’t do the work for us. I’ve tried telling him that. I’ve tried explaining that you’re not in love with him and that you’re not going to leave Marinette and sweep him off his feet and take him away to happily ever after…but he’s not hearing me, so I thought I’d talk to you.”

Luka frowned grimly. “What do you expect me to do about this?”

Nino shrugged, blowing a gentle stream of bubbles. “Talk to him. Break his heart gently so his friends and family and I can get him refocused on getting himself better.”

Luka took a deep breath. “And what if I really am in love with him and want to sweep him off his feet and take him away?”

Nino rolled his eyes. “Dude. You have a girlfriend. Do the decent thing and lie. Break his heart anyway and stop cheating on Marinette.”

“If I say no?” Luka tested.

Nino glared. “I’m going to tell your girlfriend what you’re doing behind her back.”

A jolt of fear raced through Luka’s veins for an instant before a realization came to him: “If you tell on me, you’ll be snitching on Adrien. I don’t think that will do much for his trust in you.”

Nino shrugged. “I don’t have to tell Marinette who you’re cheating with.”

“She won’t believe you unless you do,” Luka countered.

Nino glowered.

Somehow, the victory felt extremely hollow to Luka.

“…Well,” Luka remarked aimlessly after a minute of hostile silence. “If that’s all you needed?”

“Bastard,” Nino spit, giving Luka the finger.

Luka nodded, unphased. “I’ll talk to him about expectations, but I’m not breaking his heart, and I’m not giving him up again. I’m not going to lie to him…but I’m not going to lie to him either…if that makes any sense.”

“I hope the rest of your day sucks,” Nino replied cheerily, reemphasizing his middle finger.

Luka grinned. “Thanks. You too.” He turned, raising a hand to wave goodbye over his shoulder as he went.

#Adrien Agreste/Luka Couffaine #Miraculous Ladybug #Miraculous Ladybug Fanfiction #Lukadrien #Luka Couffaine #Nino Lahiffe #Adrien Agreste #Mikau's Writings #A Little Night Music (Eine Kleine Nachtmusik)

[fallingin-like]

november 3

my cousins by @filteredred

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this wonderful fic delves into tilda’s decision to give up the twins and how it was influenced by luther and maria. told from maria’s perspective, we get a better look at the rational behind what happened and, of course, we get to see kid!nicky and baby!twinyards.

first off, i really like the idea of this fic. it’s unique and i don’t think i’ve read anything exploring the cousins when they were really really young. it’s especially interesting to see this from maria’s perspective because it gives a better idea of the motivations behind the decisions made and how she rationalizes it all. it doesn’t justify any of the things that these characters did, but we get a better understanding of the situation they were in and why they they did these things. i think maria was the best person to use because she’s just trying to do her best, but she has to juggle trying to keep luther from being too angry, raising nicky, and a tilda who fluctuates wildly between being somewhat reasonable to absolutely terrible. it puts things into perspective for me and somehow it makes me empathize with them more. dealing with twins must be so overwhelming, maria, luther, and tilda are really in over their heads. even for a couple who have made the decision to have kids and have support from family/friends and are financially stable this is a really difficult time because everything is just so new. i must admit, i’ve never really thought about the hemmicks or tilda, just dismissed them as bad when in reality, people are complex, multi-faceted creatures that are all just trying to get through life in the way they have learned how. (although i really cannot stand drake. he is one that i just can’t get over and i guess that’s because he’s such a flat character in this series, we really don’t know much about him for this reason. and also, some people really just do bad things. anywAy) 

parts that i really enjoyed in particular:

the contrast between luther and tilda, it’s really interesting seeing them interact because we know that they’re siblings and so they were raised in similar households but are almost opposites. it feels contrasting compared to andrew and aaron, who were twins and so similar in certain ways, but never lived together.

”i don’t think it was like that. i think she planned to build a life with him, and it hurt when she found out he’d been lying to her. and then he left.” excuse me how dare you make me feel things for tilda minyard. to see her in this light, with her behaviour as a way of covering up or denying the fact that she was hurt and pretending nothing is wrong and it’s not a big deal really reminds me of the twins. they seem to have inherited this coping mechanism and the instinct to distance themselves from other people to protect themselves.

”you cannot treat everything that you consider an imperfection with shame and judgment” you go maria!! also it’s really frustrating to see luther’s inability to see the good in people!!!

”i think nicholas reminds you of tilda. he talks too fast and too much and too loud. he laughs and sings and loves bright, bright things. he obeys you, but does not bend to your will” and “i see you trying to fit nicholas into your vision of perfection, just like your father did to you and tilda. i’m afraid you will push him away from us. i cannot lose my only son” i LOVE this take on the situation, i didn’t previously make the connection and wow it just fits so well

I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE NICKY!! he is just a bundle of joy and happiness and wonderful things. so enthusiastic and excited for everything, it makes it harder knowing what happens to him in the future and how that changes his behaviour. he is so cute and realistic with his view on the world. the bit about the diapers is absolutely adorable

”’what are some things that are orange?’…’pumpkins!’ nicky yelled. ‘kittens and foxes and the oranges from my breakfast!’” oh nicky is so precious and i love that he chose orange.

”remember when you played with bubbles and tried not to let them pop? touch them softly, just like that” wow i love that!

i love chapter 6 where we see maria and tilda bonding and getting along

”that lady is a VERY BIG DARK BROWN EGG!” and “you have lots of rings, you must be RICH!” oH MY GOODNESS NICKY!! hahaha this was so funny and exactly what a child would say and it’s even better knowing it is nicky.

i can’t quite put the last few chapters on my list because they were just too heartbreaking. i had grown so hopeful and it was just so sad to see that after all that, the decision was still made to give up the boys, and later to take back aaron. and oh oh, to think that they believed that the boys would never know they were twins. you ended this so well and it was so complete. this whole fic is very well written and entertaining. i would love to read a million more pages of the younger nicky you have here, learning and loving and growing. thank you so much for writing this fic, it’s amazing.

#my cousins #aftg fic review #raelle writes

[godaime-obito]

the third chapter of Asking for Trouble is now available on ao3 and under the cut! the previous chapters are also under my writing tag.

Madara is having the absolute time of his life. He and Tobirama have been indulging in a copious amount of PDA which has done several great things. Firstly; everyone is so freaked out the avoid him more than normal, leaving him in peace. Secondly; Hashirama keeps wildly fluctuating between euphoric and furious at a hilarious rate. Thirdly; Izuna is so confused that it’s almost as funny as Hashirama. Fourthly; Tobirama is a fantastic kisser and he gets to make out with him a lot. It’s been nearly a week and his only complaint is that it can’t last forever and he still has no excuse for why he and Tobirama should have sex other than ‘I want to have sex with you.’

This may be surprising to some, as Madara seemed just as annoyed by Tobirama as Tobirama was by him. However, Madara is, in spite of everything, 300% more in touch with his feelings than him. He figured out he genuinely liked Tobirama two days in to their farce. There’s actually a lot to like: his fierce personality, his intelligence, the way his hair shimmers in the right light, the way he looks when he goes swimming, his little smile when he thinks of his students, the way he yells at village elders…

What was Madara supposed to be doing again? He got distracted for a moment. Oh, yeah: he’s having the time of his life and he’s going to Hashirama’s tonight. More specifically, Mito invited Tobirama and him over for dinner, while Hashirama made hilarious teary expressions in the background. The only downside is that Touka will be there and Madara is certain she’s suspicious of the relationship. They’ll have to be careful.

Madara stops by Tobirama’s house to pick him up for the dinner at six. He knocks firmly and then steps back. Just as he expected the door swings open into the space he was just occupying at a rapid pace. One of the little things he’s noticed that last week is that Tobirama’s very aggressive about opening his door, perhaps in an attempt to discourage unwanted visitors.

“Are you ready?” Madara asks, offering his hand.

“Of course,” he replies, accepting the hand and twinning their fingers. He hums contently when Madara leans in to kiss his cheek. It may partially be that Tobirama’s gotten used to acting, but Madara’s certain it is also at least partially because he’s come to like him. Their walk is accompanied by the usual bewildered stares. He hopes those never go away with time.

Mito ushers them in with a knowing smile and directs them to the kotatsu. Touka and Hashirama are both already sitting. The two of them sit and Madara makes an effort to meet Touka’s narrowed eyes before kissing Tobirama right on the mouth. Extra tongue. She makes an exaggerated retching noise and looks at the wall while Hashirama lets off a small whimper.

The food is passed around as Mito seats herself next to her husband. “It’s lovely to see you two getting along. We always knew you had similar priorities underneath it all,” she says demurely. There’s something sharp and teasing in her eyes. Hashirama whimpers again.

“I spent so much time insisting that couldn’t possibly be that it’s still a bit embarrassing to admit you were both right,” Tobirama offers in reply.

“I can barely remember not liking him,” Madara adds. He looks at Hashirama with false nonchalance. “Are you okay?” he asks.

Hashirama looks up at him mournfully from where he’s slouchy dramatically into his food. “Have you ever thought ‘I sure would love ice cream’ so you get a gallon and you eat the whole thing at once and then afterwards you think ‘God, I ate way too much ice cream I never want ice cream again’?” he asks, volume increasing with every word.

“No?” Madara replies.

“Oh,” Hashirama says, “well, I’ve been having that feeling of having had too much of something I thought I liked, except I haven’t eaten any ice cream.” Tobirama snorts and gives a chuckle under his breath.

“I’m sorry?” he offers.

“I wonder what could be causing that feeling,” Tobirama adds.

“I’m sure he’ll feel better soon,” Mito says, “How have you been Touka?”

“Great!” she says, smile far too sharp, “I’ve been sharping my naginata. Just in case I need for something: a mission, diplomatic intimidation, family issues, a relative mysteriously ends a seemingly perfect relationship. You know, normal problems.” Madara gulps.

“That’s lovely Touka,” she replies, “but I’m sure you won’t need it for anything like that last one.” She appears to communicate something to Touka with her eyes. Madara has a feeling he’s not refined enough, or something similar, to understand what she’s conveying. Either way, it goes over his head, although it does seem to calm Touka down.

“How have you been Mito?” Tobirama inquires, rather eager to change the topic.

“Fantastic. There’s been a bit great entertainment this week,” she answers, “it’s a shame Hashirama doesn’t seem to be enjoying it too.”

“Well, Anija does have a deplorable sense of humor,” he says with a smirk.

“Unfortunately,” she says with a hum of agreement.

The rest of the dinner passes in a surprisingly relaxed atmosphere. All that awkward talk at the start must have cleared the air. Madara keeps a hand on Tobirama’s thigh the entire time, both because he refuses to be intimated by Touka and because he wants to. He likes Tobirama’s thighs. They’re big and muscular and would most likely be fantastic wrapped around Madara’s waist. Some day.

They exchange slightly tense goodbyes once the dishes are washed and part ways at the front door. Touka’s house is thankfully the opposite direction of Tobirama’s. The streets are largely abandoned as they walk. They still hold hands.

“Ice cream,” Madara deadpans, when they come to a stop at Tobirama’s door.

“I wish I could say that wasn’t a true story,” he says with a sigh, “but he really did eat a gallon of ice cream in one sitting before.”

“I can’t believe that’s my best friend.”

“I’m related to him,” Tobirama says with bafflement. It goes silent.

“Mito and Touka are scary,” Madara adds after a moment.

“Yeah. I admire them both, but wish they would give me a break now and then,” he replies. Madara just nods understandingly. The street is completely empty, no one in sight. He rests a hand on Tobirama’s hip and leans in to kiss him. It’s perhaps a bit involved for a goodnight kiss.

“Goodnight darling,” he says, “see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight Madara,” Tobirama replies. He slips in his front door, quietly shutting it behind him, as Madara walks toward the Uchiha compound.

#madatobi #tobirama #madara #naruto #hashirama #mito #touka #fanfic #asking for trouble #my writing

[xuseokgyu]

This might be the longest one yet.......... rip. i had some stories to tell.... :((

My job is to mostly to tell people when they make mistakes lmao. i work in document quality control ? for a manufacturing company, mostly check the inspection paperwork and certificates for the medical/surgical devices. and then have to be like this... is not right. fix this. currently have a lot of prototype parts going through which have some added requirements but also they keep changing the prints so then obviously the paperwork then changes and its just been annoying cuz its redo-ing a lot of paperwork.

yeah, that makes sense and that is part of it sometimes... i also think im just not in the mood for certain genres of music at times lol.

lol yeah it was so funny in the beginning she was watching some mv's and kept sending me screenshots of jeonghan with different hair styles with this message "who is this????" and every single time it was still jeonghan. i was just like lmao you should just assume that its jeonghan at this point. her defense was that he looks really different every time he changes his hair. she can recognize him now at least. the only other ones she can recognize currently are s.coups (her current favorite member overall) and vernon (her favorite rapper in their songs - she really like how vernon raps). shes more rap biased lol.

thank you.. you are only a little late lol my bday was the 11th. the last time i played bingo i spent $40 total over two days (80 games @ $0.50/game) and won zero. its a skill... i only got close to bingo (1 space away) like 3 times total. it was really tragic... at one point the lady sitting at the same table as us was just like wow... i haven't seen you even get three in a row since i've been here (which was like an hour).

We went to the same kindergarten, then i moved away and then i moved back in the 8th grade (i also have known the friend that is getting into svt for the same amount of time since she went to that same school, though her family are basically neighbors with my cousins family, and they are really close, so i saw her a lot more overall but wasn't super close to her until more recently actually, when we went to the same wedding (my cousin's) and starting talking again)

also to help this make more sense (as in why would they remember me lol) my graduating class size at that school was only 22 people, and my cousins also went to that same school. my dad went to that school, the english teacher there had taught my dad when he was in high school, its extreme small town vibes. people would literally just recognize what family i came from and just start talking to me. and i'd just be frantically trying to figure out who they were. like oh god oh god am i supposed to know who this is?? have i met this person before???

actually the wackiest thing is one of my friends from when i moved (big school), her grandma, i found out after we moved back to the small town, used to babysit my dad and her grandmas house was literally a mile down the street from us... you could see her grandmas house from our living room windows. i was just like what?? her cousins also then went to the same school as me. and then we fell out of touch but then ended up going to the same college. where she would be like "i saw you on campus today" and i was just like??? i did not see you, where are you? i haven't talked to you in like 3 years wtf?? i'm not in touch with her anymore but my younger sister is currently roommates with her younger sister in college lmao. oh other bizarre thing... one of my classmate's (from the big school) relatives bought the house we sold when i moved in kindergarten, and idk for some reason a few years after we moved we went back to the old house for something idk, and my classmate was visiting her family at my old house at the same time. we saw each other and we just stared at each other like what are you doing here?? we had moved like hour away (highway travel times) lol so it was just so random. (wow i hope these made sense lol)

the heat was worse in the beginning of summer i think... or i've just gotten used to it lol. there was all that smoke though that blew in from canada a bit ago though. but thats almost become a yearly thing now unfortunately. lol your weather sounds like how the weather is here sometimes - i live in minnesota, we are known for our wildly fluctuating weather. extreme highs and lows.

I love piano in music! I had to learn how to play piano as a kid... my grandma taught (most) of the grandchildren. i'm not very good at it tbh i never liked to practice and i havent played in years lol. we also learned how to play the piano/read sheet music when i went to the big school for music class for a year. I feel like if you are able to buy a little cheap or used keyboard it shouldn't be too hard to teach yourself if you wanted to start?? at least simple songs. I guess learning to read music would be the hardest place to start if you've never read sheet music before?? but thats what cheat sheets are for tbh. write the notes in, write them on the keys whatever works. we had a foldable note cheat sheet thing that went behind the keys and said the name of the note and where it was on the staff behind all the keys. when I was learning i'd be like b b b where is the b im looking for... ah here it is *ding* ok and now c ... c . c. ah ha *ding* and then repeat until you can play at a normal speed lol.

oh hands down its Oh My! best summer song lol i love Oh My! .... You Made My Day is also my fav album... what about you?

also what's ur favorite cold drink (#2)? picked this one cuz I have been buying myself bubble tea like once a week almost uhhh all summer lol the tapioca pearls at this place are so much better than other places i've been to and this place has cheese foam that i have also become obsessed with (tho thats very expensive its an extreme treat myself drink add-on lol) the blended mango with cheese foam... so good.... its like $7 though. today i got the normal mango milk tea which i hadn't had in a while cuz i'd been going through the various types of regular? milk tea (made with different types of black tea - i love black tea i have um a lot of tea i think i have like 15 different types rn). Otherwise I almost always have ginger ale in my fridge lol its great for a lot of things and also just to drink. love ginger ale... i just love ginger honestly.....

Is 1am and I should be sleeping but I wanna answer this before reveal day!!!

Best job description 😂😂 I feel like your job is one that can become automatic very easily so I can see how the changes can be annoying

SCoups and Vernon are definitely the ones with more distinctive faces, they were the ones I recognized better first, same for my father... he knows the names of all the members now but he still messes up the three Js hahah Jeonghan Joshua and Jun always take a while for him to recognize, sometimes Wonwoo too, which drives my sister crazy cause two of her three bias are there 😂😂

These small town vibes are so cool! I love that you have this community and managed to form long lasting friendships!! I basically had the same classmates for ten years and as soon as we graduated I lost touch... I made great friends at college tho The pandemic has been hard, we are respecting our health and haven’t seen each other personally since it all started, but I hope once we can meet again everything will go back to how it was between us

I had a situation sort of similar to yours at school too ahha My mom was and had already been a teacher (P.E.) at my school for years so all the staff and a looot of the older students knew who I was, but I had no idea who those people were hahah To this day almost everywhere we go together we will encounter some old student of hers...

Is so cool that your grandma did that! But I can see how it was more a task than something you truly wanted to do so you probably wouldn’t be very excited heheh I was part of a choir growing up and we had sheet music but our teacher never truly showed us how to read it, I know the basics but is literally like a toddler that just learned the alphabet hahah

Oh my! really is THE summer song I completely agree with you there!! I also absolutely loove the mv and whole comeback seemed really cool

Oohh I only had bubble tea once and I want to drink it again!! I only know of one place that sells it here, it is still a pretty new “concept” so there’s not a lot of shops around... And I never had ginger ale! I’m super curious about it cause I’ve heard it being mentioned in, like, tv series, but I don’t drink sodas so I don’t know if I would break my “diet” for a taste heheh My favorite cold drink is lemon iced tea, the ones we have here are really sweet and kinda “sparkling”? (I don’t know how to say it... is almost like a soda but not really 😅) Even during the winter, we drink it during weekends cause is a “special drink” hahahah not a Brazilian thing, just in my house

#hope you had a great weekend anon!! #super curious to reveal day 👀 #ask #anon #caratanonevent

[the-desolated-quill]

Kill The Moon - Doctor Who blog (Is This The Worst Doctor Who Episode Ever?)

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet... then I envy you, you lucky bastard)

I... really... didn’t want to watch this one again. The first time I saw this back in 2014, it elicited a reaction out of me so violent that it would have made a Hell’s Angel blush. I HATED this episode with every fibre of my being and I’ve been dreading coming back to review this. I had to bribe myself with chocolate in order to get through it again and, even now as I’m typing this, I’m seething with rage. The very thought that my TV licence fee contributed to this pile of absolute garbage fucking disgusts me.

So... Kill The Moon.

Let’s start with the first immediate problem that jumps out. Courtney. What the fuck is she doing here? You could literally cut her out of the story entirely and it wouldn’t have made the slightest bit of difference. Actually no, I tell a lie. It would have made one difference. The episode would have been slightly less grating to watch. She’s so fucking annoying that I was hoping a gruesome death was on the cards for her. She’s constantly moaning about being bored or that she’s not special, which considering what an arrogant little bitch she’s been presented as over the course of this series, it probably wouldn’t hurt to have the Doctor take her down a peg or two. You certainly don’t want to encourage someone like that into believing they’re a special little snowflake because it’ll just reinforce their selfish behaviour, and I’m alarmed that that’s what her teacher Clara is trying to do. What the fuck?

So the TARDIS crew land on the Moon and meet three astronauts. One of them is played by Hermione Norris, who gives such a dull and lifeless performance that I’m almost impressed by it. The way she says her lines, she sounds as though she’s only just woken up. Mind you, if I was lumbered with a character this one dimensional, I wouldn’t put much energy into my performance neither. Also there are two other astronauts played by two other actors who do absolutely nothing. They’re all bland, boring characters and I’m sure they have names, but I can’t be arsed to remember them because that’s how fucking boring they are. I don’t give a single shit about any of them, partly because the writer Peter Harness has given me no reason to care about them, but mostly because I was too busy trying to make sense of Kill The Moon’s moronic morass of pseudoscience and dumbass non-logic.

So the Mexicans have made a lunar mining base on the Moon only to discover there are in fact no minerals on the Moon. At all. None whatsoever. Then once you’ve finished laughing at that stupidity, we’re then expected to believe that after years of technological innovation, everyone just stopped going into space. And apparently there’s no way to get to the mining base other than using an old space shuttle from a museum. So the Mexican company didn’t have any of its own ships it could send up in case something went wrong? None of the intermediate stages of spaceflight between a shuttle and a mining colony were available neither?

But wait! It gets worse!

The Moon is getting bigger. That’s bad. Tidal waves and floods and all that jazz. So what’s the solution? Nuke the fucker! Yeah! That will make everything better! Except doing so could potentially send chunks of radioactive Moon rock at the Earth and cause an apocalypse (assuming the rocks don’t just form back into a sphere shaped mass again because that’s how gravity fucking works). Also the Moon acts as a counterweight to the Earth. So if the Moon disappeared, the Earth’s orbit around the Sun would become more erratic and the planet would wobble uncontrollably on its axis, causing the seasons to fluctuate wildly. So blowing up the Moon could actually make things worse. Whoops!

And why is the Moon getting bigger? (Are you ready for this? You’re going to love this one?) The Moon is an egg!

Well no, wait, actually that makes perfect sense. Because we all know when a chicken lays an egg, the egg gets bigger and heavier as it incubates. OH WAIT! NO IT DOESN’T! THE EGG GETS LIGHTER! SO HOW THE FUCK DOES THE MOON GAIN AN EXTRA 1.3 BILLION TONNES IN WEIGHT? WHERE DID ALL THAT EXTRA MASS COME FROM? THIS IS UTTER BOLLOCKS!

And it just gets even stupider when you take this baby creature into account. How does killing the creature solve the problem of the tidal waves? The reason the tidal waves are occurring is because of the increased mass of the Moon. If you kill the creature, that mass doesn’t magically go away. You’ve still got a dead creature orbiting the planet. The mass is still there. Even if you were to accept the possibility that the nukes would blow the creature to smithereens, it’s more likely that the bits of luna rock and alien guts would form back into a sphere under its own gravity, thus causing more problems for the Earth.

Now yes I know this is Doctor Who. It’s never exactly been scientifically accurate and if I were to go through all the bad science in Doctor Who stories, we’d be here all day. However in order to maintain our suspension of disbelief, the science doesn’t necessarily need to be accurate, but it does need to make sense under the show’s own internal logic. This... doesn’t! The science in Kill The Moon is so stupid and so nonsensical that it actually takes you completely out of the story. It’s hard to be scared of the alien spiders once you find out they’re prokaryotic (just... huh?!) and it’s hard to take the Doctor seriously when he’s spouting unscientific bullshit that is objectively wrong. And all the stuff I’ve been saying, this isn’t some obscure stuff that only a Stephen Hawking or an Albert Einstein would know. You can literally GOOGLE this crap! There’s simply no excuse for such shoddy science. So either Peter Harness is lazy as fuck and couldn’t be bothered to do basic research before putting pen to paper or he’s a complete and utter idiot. And that would be one thing if all that results in just a stupid story, but it’s another thing entirely when the writer brings that same laziness/stupidity to the table when tackling sensitive, real world issues.

As I watched Kill The Moon, with Clara and um... the spacewoman debating whether to kill the creature or not, the penny dropped with a horrible clang. Yes, Doctor Who is going to talk to us about abortion. Now of course this isn't the first time the show has tackled difficult subject matters and there’s no reason why a show whose audience is predominantly children shouldn’t be allowed to discuss and explore sensitive subjects. It all depends on how it’s done. Abortion is a tricky one because there are essentially two parts to the pro-choice/pro-life debate. The first is that of the woman’s autonomy, to which the answer should obviously be yes. A woman should absolutely have the right to decide what she does with her own body. The second part is where things get murky. The rights of the foetus. Namely, is abortion murder? That all depends when life officially begins, except nobody can agree when that is. Is it at the point of conception? During the first trimester? The second? When the embryo takes on a human shape? When the woman actually gives birth to the child? And that in turn raises a whole new set of questions. Let’s say that life officially begins during the second trimester. Does that mean the embryo still has rights during the first trimester just because it’s going to be alive? What about sperm and egg cells? Does that make condoms immoral just because those sperm could fertilise an egg and could create life? So what does this mean then? Are the pro-life group campaigning for the right to life or the right to potentially have life? Is ‘potentially’ too broad a definition and is it in fact restricting a woman’s autonomy? Which brings us to the ultimate question. Whose life is more important? The mother’s or the foetus’? What if giving birth to the baby harms or kills the mother? What if other factors prevent the mother from giving a baby the quality of care it deserves? Whose life takes precedent?

Now I’m not going to tell you my views on abortion because, frankly, they’re irrelevant to this. I’m merely demonstrating how complicated this debate truly is. These are questions with no clear right or wrong answer and there’s probably never going to be a clear, definitive answer. A lot of it really comes down to your own personal morality. So if you’re going to write a story about abortion... well... don’t. That would be my advice because you’re bound to piss somebody off no matter what you do. But if you still persist, you need to do your fucking homework before you start and make sure you handle the subject with tact and discretion.

With this in mind, how does Kill The Moon go about doing this?

The Doctor discovers the existence of the creature under the Moon’s surface and remarks upon how beautiful it is, to which Hermione Norris’ character responds by asking how do they kill it while a sinister music cue plays over the scene.

Wow. Subtle.

This is the reason behind my intense dislike towards this episode. Not only does it make the same mistake most New Who stories make by stripping the moral complexity out of morally complex situations and spoon-feeding the answer to the audience, it also becomes offensively dangerous when you factor the abortion metaphor into the equation. The episode takes a hardline pro-life stance, portraying the pro-choice side as irrational baby killers, even going so far as to have the Earth (or half of the Earth at any rate. The other half not visible to the Moon doesn’t get a say apparently) vote whether to kill the creature or not, and then have Clara go against their unanimous decision to kill it and stop the nukes for no reason other than babies are good. (I feel I should point out there was nothing to suggest the creature wouldn’t have swooped down and devoured humanity the moment it had hatched. The fact that it didn’t only shows how grotesquely lucky Clara was with her rash decision). There’s no effort to actually have an intelligent discussion about this. The decision is made right from the start with the irrational baby killers merely being an obstacle in the righteous pro-lifer’s path. Not only is it biased to an insulting degree, it’s also intellectually dishonest. If the only way you can support your argument is by demonising the other side, all it proves is that your argument doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Oh, let’s talk about Clara because she really fucking pissed me off. I was amazed by the number of people who were angry over the Doctor’s decision to leave and not intervene in the decision because that was the only thing about the episode I actually liked. You may call bullshit considering the number of times the Doctor has interfered in human affairs, but as far as I’m concerned, he made the right choice here. He recognised how complex and difficult the decision was and he also recognised that it wasn’t his place to make that decision for them. Like he said, it’s not his home. It’s not his moon. It’s not his choice. Which is what makes Clara’s temper tantrum at the end all the more egregious. For starters it’s a bit rich her chastising the Doctor for leaving them when she was prepared to do the same thing less than 10 minutes before. Also what is she actually complaining about? That the Doctor paid her and the rest of the human race enough respect to make the choice for themselves? Doesn’t really make sense when you put it like that, does it? Clara basically comes across like a spoilt child, moaning and shrieking at the Doctor because he was no longer at her beck and call and she actually had to think and act for herself for a change. And rather than have the Doctor just tell her to grow the fuck up (or better yet, give her a sharp dropkick out of the TARDIS and find a companion who’s actually likeable and well developed), the episode clearly expects you to be on Clara’s side and tut-tut at the Doctor disapprovingly even though he hasn’t actually done anything wrong. Clara is basically upset because she had to think for herself, and that worries me.

Kill The Moon is not just bad. It isn’t even terrible. In fact I’d go as far to say that it’s one of the most despicable things I’ve ever come across. It’s not just because of the shit story or the bullshit scientific inaccuracies. It’s because of how cack handed and irresponsible Peter Harness is when it comes to the central theme. The very thought that this episode could give kids a skewed, biased and utterly warped view of abortion thanks to a writer who is either too stupid or too lazy to do proper research into the subject makes me sick to my fucking stomach. Also Steven Moffat can go fuck himself too. Oh yeah, I’m not letting him off the hook. He’s the showrunner. He’s the one who looked over this script and went ‘yep. I see nothing problematic about this whatsoever.’

This is the episode that made me stop watching Doctor Who. I felt so sickened and so insulted by what I had just watched that I actually flung up my hands and went ‘fuck it! I don’t want to watch this show anymore!’ It hurt to do it. I love Doctor Who, but I couldn’t continue to watch fucking morons like Moffat and Harness grind it into the dirt. So I left, vowing never to return until Moff-Face was shown the fucking door. And this Christmas, I’m finally going to get my wish.

Which leaves me in an interesting position going forward with my reviews. Beyond this episode, I legitimately have no idea what’s going to happen. I know a few tidbits of information from what I’ve seen on Tumblr. For instance, I know that Missy is the Master (that didn’t come as much of a surprise. I mean really, who the fuck else could she have been?), I know that the Doctor returns to Gallifrey at some point and I think Clara ends up dying at the end of Series 9 (couldn’t have happened to a more deserving companion as far as I’m concerned). Beyond that, I genuinely have no idea what’s in store for me from here. But at least I’ll be safe in the knowledge that no episode can possibly be as bad as Kill The fucking Moon.

#kill the moon #peter harness #doctor who #twelfth doctor #peter capaldi #clara oswald #jenna coleman #steven moffat #bbc #review #spoilers

[gamerszone2019-blog]

How AI: The Somnium Files Blends Absurdism, Love, And Dreams Into A Murder Mystery

New Post has been published on https://gamerszone.tn/how-ai-the-somnium-files-blends-absurdism-love-and-dreams-into-a-murder-mystery/

How AI: The Somnium Files Blends Absurdism, Love, And Dreams Into A Murder Mystery

Like many mystery-driven adventure games, AI: The Somnium Files is a little tough to talk about. It’s not exactly action-packed in its moment-to-moment gameplay, and most of the intrigue in games like it comes from the ways in which they challenge your investigative skills and decision-making–plot twists and character dialogue are often at the heart of it all. This is very much the case when it comes to games under the direction of developer Kotaro Uchikoshi, best known for the Zero Escape series.

Since AI: The Somnium Files was first revealed, we knew that it would channel similar gameplay elements from Zero Escape, but it’s aiming to be an evolution of that. As private detective Kaname Date, you travel between reality and a dream world to unravel the truth behind a series of murders. Its overarching theme revolves around a pun for the word eye: “eye” as in your sight, “ai” the Japanese word for love, and A.I. as in artificial intelligence. Not to mention all the murder victims have one eye gouged out as well. Date himself has one eye that’s actually an A.I. companion named Aiba (a Japanese-English pun for eyeball). And the real name of A-Set, the virtual influencer/idol behind music videos and promotional materials, is Iris.

Last time we spoke with Uchikoshi-san, he talked about love, story details, and the dream world’s Psync mechanic, but there’s still more than meets the eye. To get further insight into what’s going on, we corresponded again via email and dug into the game’s direction. We were also able to loop in the English localization team lead Alex Flagg for additional perspective on what it’s like to deliver a dialogue-heavy Japanese game to a Western audience.

If you’re not caught up on AI: The Somnium Files, check out our interview with Iris “A-Set/Tesa” Sagan or our hands-on preview with the game from GDC 2019. The game launches for PlayStation 4, PC, and Nintendo Switch on September 17 this year.

Can you explain the “Somnium” world? It’s the key to solving mysteries, but are these people’s secrets, true feelings, dreams? How does Kaname Date use that information throughout the game?

Kotaro Uchikoshi: Somnium means “dream” in Latin. So a Somnium world would mean “dream world.” Dreams are made from fragments of memory stitched together like patchwork. Hidden inside are people’s secrets and suppressed feelings. It’s Kaname Date’s job to interpret what he sees in the dream to solve mysteries and move forward in the investigation. For example, there’s something like this: A girl was alone at the scene of the crime. However, she suffered mental trauma and now has aphonia, so she can’t talk. So, Date will dive into the girl’s dream world and find a lead: she heard a phone ring. Then, Date will return to reality, go back to the scene to investigate and look for a cellphone somewhere. Something like that.

We’ve seen AI being both dead serious, cheery, and sometimes outright absurd. How do you strike a tone that comes together?

Alex Flagg: Through a lot of hard work! Uchikoshi has this amazing ability to blend Wikipedia-diving information dumps, absurdist theater, and sex jokes into a gripping and touching story. What I’ve discovered by playing and localizing his work is that you can get away with a lot that seems narratively inconsistent as long as you’ve already captured the audience’s attention with an intriguing plot and interesting characters. Uchikoshi taught me that tone can fluctuate wildly, as long as the heart is centered and steady. Because if your heart is fluctuating wildly, you’re probably having a heart attack and are about to die. You know, narratively speaking.

KU: This is a hard question. All I can say is…by watching the balance. If I were to compare it, it’s like a barista or a mixologist. Their jobs are very sensuous, and it’s hard to put into words how they balance the ingredients. Or maybe it’s similar to hitting on someone. You can’t always be serious and cool and you can’t always be energetic and carefree. They’ll just brush you off, won’t they? It’s important to understand when to be serious and when to be energetic… What I’m trying to say is that everything is balanced out by things and you can’t just explain it away with words. Having said that, my pick-up techniques have never been very successful. I bet Alex is really good at it, so next time I’m in LA, maybe he can teach me a few tricks!

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There’s some body horror, light gore, and morbid imagery in your games, AI especially. Do you ever have ideas then stop yourself from going too far?

KU: When I was writing the scenario for AI, the character designs weren’t finalized yet. That meant that I only had a general idea of the characters while writing. That’s why I didn’t feel much guilt putting the characters through some really tough times. When the designs came in, I thought, “OMG, so cute!” That’s when the characters started to really exist. But then it crossed my mind. “Ah, why did I do that to them…?” I didn’t want to have a guilty conscience about it, so I thought, “Could I at least try not to put them through the darkest of my ideas?” Because of that, some scenes are now milder than the original idea. But this isn’t censorship, this is love. Love for my characters. I decided to tone down some things, but the story isn’t any less interesting or fun because of it. Please don’t worry about that.

What are your thoughts on canonical endings in games with branching storylines? How does AI handle that?

KU: I remember watching a Hayao Miyazaki documentary, and he said something like, “I’m over this, I don’t want to do this” while drawing original cels. Branching routes are like that to me. It’s so much work. I scream, “Augh! I’m over this, too much work!” while writing the story too. In AI, the story splits from the decisions you make in the Somnia. To put it simply, picking either the “A” lead or “B” lead changes how the story unfolds. Branching stories are a pain in the ass for the creator, but to the player, there’s nothing better. There’s a lot of interesting elements in this game due to the branching paths, so please look forward to it!

What are some important things Akira Okada (assistant director) has brought this time around for AI that you didn’t think of?

KU: Of course Okada-kun was a huge contributor, but AI was created from multiple ideas from all the staff members. For example, Aiba turning into a cute girl in Somnium, the video game inspiration behind a certain action scene, one of the stages from one of the Somnia. All of those were ideas from the staff. I mean, the Somnium parts, from the setting to the structure, was mainly done by Okada-kun and Yamada-san. I have nothing but respect and appreciation for the staff.

Are there any particular difficulties that come out of having to do a simultaneous Japanese and Western release?

AF: Oh, absolutely. Working side-by-side with the Japanese creative team is a totally different experience than picking up a completed project and adapting it.

KU: Thanks to the hard work from Alex, Kazu [Okura], the other Spike Chunsoft Inc. team members, and [community manager] Dave Kracker, I didn’t really have any trouble with simultaneous shipping. So, to the Spike Chunsoft Inc. team of course, the development staff in Japan, and the Chinese localization staff: I thank you very, very much, from the bottom of my heart!

You get to control Aiba in the Somnium world, but you only get a limited time to investigate.

What are some Japanese- or English-only quirks you get to put in the game? Are there some unique things players will get out of either language option?

AF: The Japanese and English are largely the same, script and presentation-wise. There are a few times here and there that, say, a joke was intentionally not localized, or a character’s voice performance in the English has a slightly different feel than the Japanese performance, but for the most part they are two versions of the same game.

Some jokes or one-liners might come across differently in either language. And one thing that we’re very proud of is that A-set’s debut single, “Invincible Rainbow Arrow,” is fully localized, right down to matching the Japanese rhyme scheme and poetic meter. So if you are playing in Japanese, you will hear the Japanese version of the song; if you are playing in English, you will hear the English version.

How involved are you with the performances of the voice cast?

AF: The translator for this project, Kazu Okura, and I were either there at Bang Zoom! studios or listening in over voice call every single day of recording. While we offered feedback and direction, especially during particularly intricate or complicated scenes, we can only take a little bit of the credit: it was our audio engineer JP Aller and voice director Chris Faiella that really helped the words come off the page and become something incredible in the performance.

What’s the toughest aspect for localizing AI that folks might not realize?

AF: I would say the humor is by far the most challenging aspect of localization, especially “dad joke” humor, jokes that are intentionally bad. If you localize that joke to make it genuinely funny, you aren’t exactly matching the tone of the Japanese. If you localize the joke to make it unfunny, you run the risk of the audience not realizing that the joke is supposed to be bad, it’s supposed to make you roll your eyes and groan. AI is full of these kinds of jokes, so my translator and I worked very hard to make them funny…but not too funny.

“Tesa, aka A-Set, you bet.” was totally the localization team’s idea, huh?

AF: Yes, it was. Her slogan cheer is different in the Japanese and the English. In the Japanese, it goes something like “volatile solvent of the net world, Aseton, aka A-set!” It’s a wordplay on the honorific “ton” added to her stage name “A-set,” making it sound like “acetone,” the chemical solvent. Keeping it “Aseton” in English would be clunky, invite mispronunciation, and lose the cuteness factor of the Japanese wordplay. So we decided to go with “Tesa,” a cute, easy-to-say nickname that utilizes the game’s prevalent motif of reflection (“Tesa” is of course “A-set” backwards). There was a time we briefly considered making her nickname “Ace,” but Zero Escape fans will know why we decided against that.

A-set has been a huge part of AI’s lead up. Besides being a major character and idol, what was the idea behind breaking the fourth wall with A-Set’s YouTube channel?

KU: One of the themes of this game is dreams and reality. So by linking the real world that we live in with the artificial world of AI, I tried to express the analogy (or is it a metaphor?) of “dreams and reality,” or something like that. Iris (A-set’s real name) is the goddess of rainbows in Greek mythology. She is said to be the messenger girl that delivers the words of the gods. Rainbows are also sometimes called the “bridge of heaven,” so you could say that A-set is the “bridge” between fiction and reality.

With all the lead up to AI and A-Set at the forefront, how involved are you in her video content?

AF: Very involved! Our team and the creative team in Japan were sharing ideas for videos and story beats for months, coming up with the general “plot” of her YouTube channel together. Once that was more or less in place, we localized and recorded each video based on Japan’s video, which was incredibly difficult because of the fast pace they had to be produced. Often times we didn’t even have a final video render to look at while we were recording, so we had to feel it out by the script alone. But it came together beautifully.

How’s she been as a promotional partner?

KU: She was amazing! I know there were times I pushed her, but she didn’t make a face and took everything very seriously. I thank her from the bottom of my heart. Also, she smells really nice. A sweet scent that tickles a person’s heart… If she comes on screen while playing AI, please put your nose up to the screen. I’m sure you’ll start to smell irises…

Will A-Set’s presence in our real world play into events in AI?

AF: “Our real world”? What a peculiar way of phrasing it. You can see her, hear her; she is information in the universe and she occupies space in your mind at this very moment. She exists in this world the same way I do right now, typing away at my computer, communicating with you only through ones and zeros. One and the same.

KU: I already kind of answered this, but Iris is the bridge that connects our world to their world. As long as she exists, both worlds will continue to be linked.

How much tequila have you drank since the A-Set interview we did?

KU: The situation has changed. Currently, rather than me drinking tequila, it’s more of tequila drinking me. My office is always full of it. That’s where I wrote the game’s story. Just like one of those caterpillars in the bottles of tequila.

Source : Gamesport

#Game News

[jordoalejandro]

The Second Annual List of TV Shows I Saw the Past Year

A few things before jumping in.

One, I built the list from scratch, so certain shows may have made big jumps either up or down the list. This isn’t meant to reflect huge changes in the quality of the show or how I view it, but it’s just how the cards fell this year. Plus, some shows get cancelled. Some new shows appear. Things fluctuate. You get it.

Two, this list was, thankfully, much easier to write this year. Mostly because I’m not combining a year and a half’s worth of shows into one list so I was able to cut it down from 61 entries to 47, but also because I’m not going to re-review a handful of these, especially ones that remained fairly consistent in quality. I’ve already sort of said everything that needed to be said about MacGyver last year.

Okay, that’s about it. Let’s get to the list.

47. Inhumans (Season 1 - 2017, ABC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This show was surprisingly amateurish, from the writing, to the directing, to the editing, to the music, to the acting. Just top to bottom. And I don’t know why. It seems like there was a budget. I know there are professionals working behind the scenes. And I’ve seen some of these actors turn in good performances before. But absolutely nothing was working here. Nothing happened, nothing made sense, the plot was forced, the dialogue was stilted and awkward, and the tone was all over the place, drifting from soap opera melodramatic to super cheesy to weirdly offbeat attempts at humor that kept falling flat. It was like a master’s course in how not to put together a show.

46. Hit the Road (Season 1 - 2017, Audience) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This was a real miss for me. It's about a family folk band traveling around in a bus, and even though there’s enough awareness that jokes are made about the band being antiquated and uncool, it’s still not able to save the premise of the show as a whole from feeling really dated. Worse, the characters were all broad and clichéd: the scheming dad, the overbearing mother, the slutty teenage daughter, the horny druggy teenage son, the nerdy teenage son, and the precocious youngest daughter. Look, I don't hate clichés -- lots of shows deal in them -- but if you aren't going to do something interesting with the characters, you have to bring it in the writing, and this show didn't. It wasn't particularly funny, often going dirty rather than being clever, and it too often felt like it was being forced into standard sitcom tropes. They're at a county fair this week. First two minutes: every character states what they're going to do at the fair. None of it is particularly surprising, and then the characters go and have pretty much the exact storyline you expect. Episode over. They're performing at a college next episode. Rinse and repeat.

45. Rise (Season 1 - 2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This was a really strange show. It felt like it was simultaneously moving too fast and too slow. Story wise, nothing seemed to happen. Episodes would end and I would think back and try to remember what went down in the episode and come up empty. I could rarely tell you how the plots filled 60 minutes of airtime. And yet, timeline wise, things moved really fast. Weeks would pass between episodes and characters and relationships often seemed to do a lot of off-screen growth. I remember thinking on more than one occasion, “Oh, when did that happen? That might’ve been more interesting to see more of on-screen than what we actually saw.” Especially because what we actually saw on-screen was an alcoholism plot that seemed to go on forever and a ton of play rehearsals that covered very similar ground over and over. Also, the main character, Mr. Mazzu, was so dull and very hard to root for. He had near zero personality and seemed to care only really about specifically putting on a school production of Spring Awakening for reasons that never felt strong enough to justify how crazed he was behaving. Like, he was nuts about putting on that play. It was destroying him personally and professionally but he still insisted. Weird show.

44. MacGyver (Season 2 - 2017-2018, CBS) (Last year’s ranking: 52) - It is what it is. Stupid, entertaining background noise. I feel no need to defend myself.

43. The Last Man on Earth (Season 4 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 44) - I had the same problems with this show this season as I've always with it: there were about three episodes of growth and movement and a bunch of filler in between. Intermittent laughs between hours and hours of way too silly fart humor and awkward moments between characters who should’ve been able to move beyond that by this point. (Seriously, these are the last six people on Earth. They've survived awful stuff together for a while. Why can no one talk to one other? Why can't they have the adult conversations with each other that I could've had with my close friends when I was 12?) The show's cancellation saves me because I likely would’ve kept watching it and kept being upset.

42. Me, Myself & I (Season 1 - 2017-2018, CBS) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This was a sweet show, with an interesting concept and a good cast. Unfortunately, it wasn't really funny. The childhood era stuff probably worked the best, with the present day era being more hit and miss, and the future era getting the least amount of laughs. It felt like a nice show to watch though. I wasn't miserable at the end of 30 minutes. I guess there's something to be said for a show that makes you feel happy, but I (and I guess most audiences, as the show got cancelled) generally want more. Brian Unger was far and away the best part of this.

41. Splitting Up Together (Season 1 - 2018, ABC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I’m on the fence about this one. It has some good moments, but it’s not incredibly funny or surprising. It feels sort of like the plot of a romantic comedy film being stretched out over several episodes of a TV show. I’ll probably check out season 2, but I might bail if I start to feel like it’s just killing time.

40. The Orville (Season 1 - 2017, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - More Star Trek than I’d been hoping for, which is fine but not really my wheelhouse. And it's not like there aren't already a lot of shows doing pretty straightforward sci-fi drama, so it sort of leaves me wondering: why not go a wildly different route? There are a few good sci-fi stories here that make you think, but the show tends to telegraph its turns too much. I honestly don’t try that hard to get ahead of plots -- I try to stay in the moment and let the show go where it's going -- but even I was guessing where the story was heading too often. I'll watch season 2, but I might not stick with it if it continues to play like old episodes of Star Trek with just an occasional joke thrown in.

39. The Gifted (Season 1 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This show started out interesting but it sort of fizzled as it went on. A lot of the most interesting parts of the story happened in the pilot and many of the plots after started feeling repetitive: the good guys try to sabotage the bad guys, the bad guys try to capture the good guys, back and forth, back and forth. The deeper into the season I got, the more I started to wonder: what are we doing here? What’s the end goal? This is another one I'm on the fence with for season 2. I need more of an indication it's heading somewhere.

38. The Flash (Season 4 - 2017-2018, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 32) - It seemed like not a lot was working for me this season. The big bad never felt particularly threatening or interesting (though there were some good individual beats in the overall story). The show also tried to be funny and whimsical way too much this season and I thought that was a big mistake. They introduced the Elongated Man as a side character and used him for a lot of really broad, really bad body humor comedy (the actor was even doing what seemed to be an early 90s Jim Carrey impression). They brought on Katee Sackhoff for several episodes and let her act nuts and do a crazy over-the-top British accent. They did multiple episodes where Tom Cavanagh played various versions of his character with a bunch of different accents for not a whole lot of payoff. I'm sure all this stuff seemed fun on set at the time, but just watching from home, it felt like they didn't have anybody at the helm to say no and reel them back in. There were quite a lot of cringe-inducing moments. Not that this show should be grimdark -- it should be light and fun -- but it shouldn’t be bad stand-up comedian type stuff either. There’s a middle ground.

37. Riverdale (Season 2 - 2017-2018, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 39) - Almost all the characters are insufferable. Nothing ever stays consistent. People are mad at each other one week, then friends again, then mad at each other. Characters make the worst decisions every single time. This is a stupid show. But... it’s also enjoyable. Its stupidity works for it, like when they did a musical episode based on Carrie and one of the character's moms was cast in the high school play for whatever reason. Or the time when a character went to go find her long lost brother and brought him home to live with her family and then, within like an episode, decided he was evil and hated him for living with her family. (By the way, he was ultimately evil, of course, or at least kind of troublesome, so later, the first character felt justified in sicking a masked serial killer on him.) Or when one of the characters got sent to a straight conversion camp run by evil nuns and a couple of other characters staged a breakout and they got chased through sewers by old nuns. Also, that character they broke out later became an archer or something, and she shot an arrow into the masked serial killer that was terrorizing the town for somewhat vague reasons. They have a vicious gang on the show that's constantly getting into serious trouble, but all the characters in the gang are named like, Burgerface and Hula Hoop. Everything's dumb. Nothing makes sense. Entertaining, though.

36. Arrow (Season 6 - 2017-2018, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 31) - Arrow had a down season as well. It wasn't bad, per se, just somewhat dull. In lieu of one big bad, they threw a lot of villains at the wall, but none of them stuck. They had Michael Emerson for half the season, but they misused him. He's very good at the offbeat, creepy type, but they made him a sort of humdrum evil computer hacker. The villain in the back half was a strange choice, too. He was like your basic run-of-the-mill criminal except for some reason, he had enough money to bribe like three-quarters of this major city's police force and elected officials. It's a weird master plan. It's even weirder when you consider there have been several villains of means on this show before who all could've probably done the same thing. I guess they never bothered to check.

35. Wrecked (Season 3 - 2018, TBS) (Last year’s ranking: 51) - This season did an interesting story that's at least somewhat different from the first two seasons and feels a little fresher, but it's still not an amazing show overall. It's good for some laughs and the fun occasional twist, but it isn't appointment viewing.

34. Corporate (Season 1 - 2018, Comedy Central) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I liked this show most when it got weird and dark. That was its wheelhouse, and it went there well a few times, but I also felt too many episodes seemed to rely on just hitting the “Corporations are bad” theme over and over without actually attempting jokes. It’s coming back for a second season, so I hope they really lean into that weirdness more.

33. The Blacklist (Season 5 - 2017-2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 34) - The Blacklist had a decent season. It was more fun at the start, when they took everything away from James Spader’s Red and forced him to get creative in rebuilding his empire. The end of the season focused a lot more on the yearlong mystery arc, which was kind of a meh -- all the characters chasing after a fairly uninteresting McGuffin. Whatever the payoff to the mystery is, it isn't going to be enough to warrant how much time they spent on it. They're 111 episodes into the show now, you can only change everything so many times. Whatever revelation comes from it should be weighed against the fact these characters have now spent something like five years working together and growing their relationships. I mean, it won’t be. But it should. There were enough good standalone episodes otherwise, though.

32. Nobodies (Season 2 - 2018, TV Land) (Last year’s ranking: 40) - A really enjoyable comedy. The three leads' chemistry and ability to banter with one another was the constant highlight.

31. Legends of Tomorrow (Season 3 - 2017-2018, CW) (Last year’s ranking: 41) - Legends of Tomorrow never shies away from going silly, even if, at times, that leads it to go to almost eye-rollingly silly levels. Still, when it really embraces that type of storytelling, it can lead to amazing episodes, like this season's finale, which featured one of the most unique big bad season ending battles I've ever seen. The show knows what it is and smartly rolls with it.

30. The Detour (Season 3 - 2018, TBS) (Last year’s ranking: 29) - This is still a funny show -- good physical comedy, not afraid to get weird -- but I honestly don’t even know what it’s about anymore. It’s wandered so far outside of its original premise of "a family takes a disastrous vacation." That's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just that the show had a more unique hook at one point and now it's just sort of a dirty family comedy.

29. Life in Pieces (Season 3 - 2017-2018, CBS) (Last year’s ranking: 46) - I found myself enjoying this season more than the last one. The laughs felt more solid and consistent.

28. The Last O.G. (Season 1 - 2018, TBS) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - It’s not hilarious, but it’s got some laughs. More than anything, this show was sweeter than I thought it might be. I was expecting a lot of jokes about hipsters and technology -- and there are some -- but really it's a show about family, empathy, and second chances. Tracy Morgan is great in this.

27. The Walking Dead (Season 8 - 2017-2018, AMC) (Last year’s ranking: 15) - The Walking Dead still provides some thrills and some great episodes, but it is certainly suffering from a bit of drag at this point. Too many filler episodes and too many draws between warring factions meant to just push the conclusion further down the road. Also, the show, while good at zombie action, is pretty bad at doing people vs. people action, which this past season featured a lot of. I think the show would be better served getting away from the comics a little, creating new stories to explore rather than stretching the plot of 16 episodes to match them.

26. The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story (Season 2 - 2018, FX) (Last year’s ranking: 1) - A dark, tragic story, though much more contained than the first season's story and, ultimately, less interesting. The O.J. Simpson season, while generally more entertaining, also had some interesting things to say about celebrity and race. This season had some stuff to say about the sort of quiet prejudice gays faced in the 90s (don't ask, don't tell; police detectives having to treat gay victims of murder with professional respect while trying to hide that they're personally somewhat grossed out by their lives; older gays living semi-closeted or double lives for fear of shame) but it’s mostly about watching Andrew Cunanan, a psychopath, behave like one. You spend a lot of time with him and most of it isn't pleasant. The story structure of the season is interesting choice. It's bookended by the assassination and manhunt, but in the middle, it tells everything that happened leading up to the assassination in reverse order. It's done well enough that the truly tragic figures of the story (the murder victims) have their stories unfold in this fascinating, heartbreaking, slow train wreck sort of way, but it also leads to attempts to (possibly?) humanize Cunanan near the end of the season falling flat, given that we know he does. By the time the season is coming to an end, you're ready for it to happen.

25. Archer (Season 9 - 2018, FXX) (Last year’s ranking: 13) - I do enjoy the ever shifting time periods and places on this show. They're an interesting way to keep things fresh and it's especially fun in the earlier parts of the season when you're seeing how all the familiar characters appear in their new setting. Unfortunately, the show has shifted to a sort of serialized storytelling and it often feels like there isn’t enough plot to stretch over all the episodes. You do sometimes get the sense they're stalling to meet their episode order. Still, the banter between the characters is quality as always, and that's really most of what you come for anyway.

24. Brockmire (Season 2 - 2018, IFC) (Last year’s ranking: 27) - This got less about baseball this year and instead started diving deep into addiction, and, in the process, became so, so dark. I still found it funny, mostly because of Hank Azaria’s fantastic performance, but there were quite a few times this season where this was not an easy watch.

23. Modern Family (Season 9 - 2017-2018, ABC) (Last year’s ranking: 37) - I find Modern Family to still be a good watch. It sort of runs like a Simpsons-esque machine now, churning out mostly decent quality episodes and a few plus episodes but nothing too surprising.

22. The Simpsons (Season 29 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 21)  - Speaking of a Simpsons-esque machine that churns out mostly decent quality episodes with a few plus episodes each season...

21. Bob’s Burgers (Season 8 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 26)  - Bob's Burgers is like that, too.

20. Family Guy (Season 16 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 18) - Also, Family Guy. Though Family Guy tends to swing bigger. It leads to more misses, but bigger hits, like some of my favorite episodes from this season: “Emmy-Winning Episode” and “Follow the Money”.

19. Champions (Season 1 - 2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I thought this was pretty good. It had some snappy dialogue and was decently funny. It's another one of those family comedies you think might skew mean, but actually manages to surprise you with how sweet it is.

18. Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Season 5 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 23) - Brooklyn Nine-Nine had another good season, but I still find myself emotionally cold about the whole thing. I honestly wasn’t entirely broken up by the cancellation, either, definitely a symptom of liking the show while watching but not caring about it otherwise. But, you know, it was saved and is coming back, so I'll set my DVR and watch it. And I'm sure I'll enjoy it, too. I've just never been less excited about a show I really liked getting saved from cancellation.

17. Ghosted (Season 1 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I thought the first half of this show's inaugural (and only) season was decent. It was a sort of comedic X-Files that was entertaining enough. It wasn't hilarious, but Adam Scott and Craig Robinson had good chemistry together and it made it an easy enough watch. But then they went on hiatus and brought in a new showrunner (Paul Lieberstein, of The Office), who basically retooled the show and turned it into The Office, if in The Office, except instead of selling paper, they hunted the paranormal. And I actually really liked it! I thought the show became legitimately funny. I thought it found its footing. It introduced some great new characters and, smartly, flipped the success and quality of the agency. Instead of being this winning group who were actually finding and solving paranormal crimes, it made them underdogs -- a scrappy group of government agents basically forgotten about, left alone, looked down upon by the more important, serious suits, struggling to find a reason for their agency to exist. Aside from just being a funnier way to approach things -- failure generally works better for comedy than success -- it allowed me to connect with the characters more. I began to like them more. I began to care about them. And then, when near the end of the season, they actually turned things around, I was happy for them. It's a shame Fox burned off these better, later episodes on a handful of weekends in the middle of Summer, when the only people who were watching were people who were really committed... and me, who rarely if ever gives up on a show mid-season. (And, of course, the majority of those people who stuck around were fans of the way the show was originally, so they didn't take kindly to the change. Again, not me. I'll watch a show I'm not in love with. And sometimes they'll change a show I'm watching and I'll go, "Hmmm, this is actually a better show than the one I'd been watching." But, see, the problem is, I don't think a lot of people watch shows like I do. Most people only watch shows they like.) I think if they had gone this route from the beginning... the show would still have probably been too weird and likely not found an audience and would have gotten cancelled after one season. But I would've enjoyed it even more, so there's that at least.

16. The Alienist (Season 1 - 2018, TNT) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - My only gripe with this show was that it moved a bit slow at times, but other than that it was pretty good. It had a great creepy vibe to it. It looked great. Acting was solid. And it told a very dark, enthralling story, especially for basic cable.

15. A.P. Bio (Season 1 - 2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I'll admit this felt a little retread-y. It's your basic "Bad Teacher" stuff for the most part (though there were a few glimpses this season of something potentially more than that) but it has a great cast that does well with the material. I don't know if it'll ever ascend from its sort of stock premise, but I enjoy it. (I sort of hope it will, though.)

14. Trial & Error (Season 2 - 2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 28) - Very enjoyable, like season 1, with some good twists and turns and some good jokes. The characters and setting remain the highlights, with basically each episode revealing some crazy tradition or quirk about one or the other.

13. Timeless (Season 2 - 2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 30) - I found this show to still be a lot of fun in its second go-around. They have a good time playing with history and they manage to squeeze in some solid action sequences and a couple of decent love stories, too. I do think, given how hard the battle was just to get this second season, the producers should’ve known the possibility they’d get cancelled a second, permanent time was pretty high. I said last year, I’d hoped they’d take this opportunity to really let loose on the way out the door. They didn’t quite do that, which is a little disappointing but not a deal breaker. What they did do, though, is left the season on cliffhanger, which was a tremendous mistake. It’s shocking to me the producers thought a third season was so guaranteed they could leave their fans (the ones who really fought to bring the show back) hanging like that. They absolutely should've planned for this season's finale to work as a series finale. They, and the fans, lucked out, though, as there’s going to be a TV movie to wrap up the show. Here's to hoping it pays off.

12. Fear the Walking Dead (Season 4 - 2018, AMC) (Last year’s ranking: 16) - Remember what I said in the Ghosted review about watching I show I don’t really love and being happy with big changes to it? Fear the Walking Dead switched showrunners leading into this season. If you ask many of the old fans of the show, this was a horrible decision that ruined the show. Of course, many of these fans will tell you season 3 of the show was better than the mothership show and probably the best season of any zombie show in years. They're wrong on both counts. And I say that as someone who liked the show. But the decision to switch showrunners was good, and season 3 wasn’t God’s gift to zombie-based television storytelling. Fear the Walking Dead was an often frustrating show mostly filled with characters I could not begin to care about. This season did something this show has struggled with for its entire duration: it's given me characters to be interested in. Likeable characters. My favorite episode this season, “Laura,” was basically a fantastic, two character play, featuring two people I'd only know for a few episodes. And I cared more about them than I cared for the characters that had been on this show for the 3 seasons prior. Don't get me wrong, this show can still be frustrating at times, but it's much easier to watch and enjoy when you don't hate more than half the people on screen at any given moment.

11. The Mick (Season 2 - 2017-2018, FOX) (Last year’s ranking: 33) - This show continued to deliver some great physical comedy, some great dirty comedy, and some great performances. It's a shame it got cancelled because it felt like there was a lot of gas left in the tank.

10. At Home with Amy Sedaris (Season 1 - 2017, truTV) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - I really loved this. It's has this great (as could be expected) Strangers with Candy vibe -- weird, dark, and often hilarious. Amy Sedaris is severely underrated.

9. American Dad! (Season 15A - 2017-2018, TBS) (Last year’s ranking: 17) - Another show that's at its best when it's weird and dark. TBS has sort of strange scheduling, and so, according to Wikipedia, I might not have seen all of season 15 yet. I'm judging this based on the 13 episodes that aired in season 15A, I guess. Still, they were a 13 great episodes, the highlight for me being “Shell Game”.

8. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Season 5 - 2017-2018, ABC) (Last year’s ranking: 7) - I do think this season didn’t quite accomplish what last season did. It felt like there was less money in the show and it sort of showed a bit (like having to do a lot more episodes in the same places to save money on sets). But the show is still one of my favorites to watch. The action is top notch. The storytelling is fun and creative. And, I think most importantly, this is one of the few shows I believe I've ever watched where I legitimately care about all the main characters. They're so well crafted. They're rounded, flawed, vulnerable, loveable. They have different viewpoints. They have great chemistry together. I want to spend more time with them. I’m glad the show’s getting another season, even a shortened one.

7. Arrested Development (Season 5A - 2018, Netflix) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - It doesn't quite reach its peak levels from the earlier seasons, but I think that might be too high a bar to set for it. It's still very snappy and clever and has some of the best running gags on television. Plus, it just feels great to watch the cast get together and play off one another.

6. Animal Kingdom (Season 3 - 2018, TNT) (Last year’s ranking: 5) - I still really love this show -- it's currently my favorite drama on television -- but I do think it took a slight step back from the quality of season 2. They wrote one main character off the show and kept another very main character separate from the rest of the cast for the first half of the season. These aren't inherently bad moves, but here I think it hurt the show a bit. They introduced some new characters to try and add drama and they were more or less successful in doing so, but it just felt like, overall, the show was looking for traction in the early half of the season. Things then shift about halfway through the season and really pick up and get great again, but by then, you only have a handful of episodes left. The show took some risks, they didn't really pay off, but I still enjoyed it quite a bit.

5. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Season 4A - 2018, Netflix) (Last year’s ranking: 4) - Even though there were only six episodes in this season (or half season? Show scheduling has gotten weird. I don't have to think about this stuff when I make my movies list), they were a great six episodes. The show is incredibly funny. The actors turn in amazing comedic performances. I'll take however many episodes I can get.

4. The Good Place (Season 2 - 2017-2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 8) - The show hasn’t lost a step. It builds on season 1 in new and surprising ways while maintaining an engaging story and staying hilarious. It ended on a super intriguing note, too, making me excited to see where it heads in season 3.

3. Great News (Season 2 - 2017-2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 22) - This is the cancellation that hurts me the most this year. The writing really kicked into gear in the 2nd season and started becoming the 30 Rock type comedy I'd hoped for. It was very sharp and very funny. The cast was gelling. The show was putting out quality episodes every week. And... no one was watching, unfortunately. R.I.P.

2. Superstore (Season 3 - 2017-2018, NBC) (Last year’s ranking: 9) - I've really come to love this show. It's a basic concept but it just executes on such a high level week in and week out (for 22 episodes, no less). The writing is excellent and the cast it truly impressive -- it runs maybe 10-12 deep of unique characters that can all get laughs with single lines of dialogue. There were a lot of fantastic episodes this season, but “Sal’s Dead” and “Video Game Release” stand out as among the highlights.

1. American Vandal - (Season 1 - 2017, Netflix) (Last year’s ranking: N/A) - This was just genius. To call this a mockumentary is to do it a disservice. This is a crime documentary. It's just that none of the things in it actually happened and none of the people are real. It's a biting satire of the genre that's handled with such an amazing sense of authenticity, from the way it's shot, to the editing, to the score, you feel like it really could be a precocious, film-loving 16 year old's genuine attempt at a crime doc. The characters, acting, and dialogue all feel grounded and true, and both the comedy and drama of the show are derived naturally from the scenarios -- it never feels forced, and it manages to have some surprising depth at the same time. On top of it all, the central mystery, despite how ridiculous it is, is incredibly captivating. The stakes are real for the characters, so it's very easy to buy in. Amazing work all around.

There you have it.

It was interesting (to me, at least) how some of the shows jumped around the list and other shows stayed in almost the exact same place. Maybe I’m in a different mindset now than I was a year ago. Maybe I’ve grown and matured.

Or maybe I’m just running wild, placing shows based on feeling and seeing what happens.

But isn’t acknowledging being impulsive and careless a sign of maturity?

No. No it isn’t.

Thanks for reading.

- - - - -

Read More:

Annual Lists of TV Shows I Saw the Past Year

#reviews #Annual Lists of TV Shows I Saw The Past Year

[thefootballlife]

The SPFL TV Review of the Season 2016/17

Way back in September, David Tanner opened Sky’s broadcast of the first league meeting between Celtic and Rangers with five words: “We apologise for the interruption”.

 This was meant to be the season where the SPFL was back, because the “Old Firm” was “back”. Certain media outlets treated Scottish football shoddily in the four seasons where Rangers were working their way up and only served to highlight it this season with some other choice whataboutery. This site has never taken the suggestion that the SPFL was somehow lesser because Rangers happened to go bankrupt and be in the bottom tier seriously. But I also appreciate that many people did share that sentiment and, as such, did they come back this season?

 This piece could really be split into about ten sections if I covered every single angle to this. But that wouldn't make for very interesting reading so I’m going to point out four very important figures.

 The first of these is 161,359. That was the average rating for the then SPL in the 2010-11 season - the last with a fully functioning duopoly in Glasgow. That divvied out at just over 235k per game on Sky and about 87k on ESPN.

 The second of these is 150,511 which is this season’s figure. That's a 6.8% drop in ratings across that time period compared to a 15.2% drop in EPL ratings across the same period.

 The third and fourth of these are 91003 and 104467 - the average ratings for the entire 4 year period where Rangers were not in the top flight and then for last season respectively.

 On the face of it, that all seems like fairly positive news. A 46k rise in average ratings year on year, around 60k on the cumulative average of the time without Rangers and a fall from 2010 that compares well with what the EPL has experienced (albeit, unlike the SPL/SPFL, EPL numbers went way up to come back down in that period). A solid bounce back.

 The problem is that it simply can't be seen in such a simplistic manner. There are underlying reasons why the pick up has been how it is.

 Issue one is to do with the division between channels. That 235k for Sky in 2010/11 is now a whole 52k a game lower in 16/17. The SPFL’s bounce back to its new average hasn't been due to Sky and their marquee games pulling in high viewers, it's been due to BT being considerably better than ESPN ever was.

 This is, if anything, slightly worrying. BT Sport has around 5.2m subscribers - ESPN peaked at about 2.8m. If we accept that interest in the SPFL fell in these past four years and that their ratings this season rose only 7k in spite of having the League Cup and Celtic being in the CL not the EL, then we would be right to look at the shift from pre-2012 to now. The changes there are ESPN and Rangers to the bottom and to the top. On ESPN’s subscriber base, 3.1% of subscribers were watching the SPFL. On BT’s, that has fallen to 2.4% in spite of BT having a far more attractive footballing portfolio than ESPN.

 As such, whichever way you cut it, the SPFL appears to hold less interest for people than it did prior to the liquidation of Rangers. That cannot, in any way, be framed as a good thing. Certain one off fixtures, when hyped enough and in a suitable time slot (e.g. Hogmanay Rangers-Celtic) can draw well but they are very much the exception and not the norm. The Scottish Cup has maintained an allure and its ratings have not wavered across the years and the SFA have an integrity about the value of their competition that the SPFL have not been able to maintain.

 Issue two is why this is the case. If it were to do with streaming then the Scottish Cup would see the same sort of issues in terms of a decline in ratings - it has not. Is it because ratings dropped off as Celtic won the title so early?

 This is an obvious bone of contention given that, earlier in the season, the Times published an article explicitly connecting Celtic’s dominance to a decline in interest in Scottish football. Then, there was not enough reason to confirm the writer’s hypothesis. Now?

 The same applies. Interest tails off at the end of the season when everything is done and dusted - even the almighty EPL saw a game garner under 200,000 viewers at the end of the season. Football does not always have every conclusion come at once on the final day and the tail off at the end of the season was entirely normal. That is something which not even the promise of an invincible season can avoid - even Arsenal’s invincibles saw viewing figures drop once the title was secured even though they had perfection to aim for.

 If you choose to believe either of those two issues are the real driver of the sort of decline the SPFL has seen, then fair enough - streaming is having a small impact (although I feel those who do that also tend to exaggerate its importance) and having a dominant club win the title early effects ratings (but that is hardly an exclusively Scottish issue).

 What I believe is the issue is this: an underperformance of marquee games failing to drag up the smaller games. Let’s compare the “Old Firm” ratings of that season 2010/11 to this past season:

 This season peaked at 734,000 and averaged at 433,000. That season averaged at 706,000, peaking at 865,000. The amount of games on multi-channel services were exactly the same.

 Regardless of how the SPFL failed to build up any side other than Rangers and Celtic as a draw in the past 5 years, the clear message is that even Scotland’s “biggest” game no longer holds the same sort of lustre it used to - that’s a 39% loss of interest over time. Had that drop not occurred, the average SPFL rating would be 21k higher than it is and Sky’s ratings would only have dropped 24k in that time, not 52k.

 This is why it’s hard to be overwhelmingly positive. The rise in ratings from season to season is great but it is also not as much as it should be. If you are the SPFL going into the next round of negotiating a new TV rights deal, you can point to a rise in numbers, but a rise that means little to nothing. The overall rise has been driven not by a rise in interest but a change in the market scenario with it being BT and their subscriber base and not ESPN and their far smaller subscriber base. Yes, there has been an increase in ratings from season to season but the SPFL, the media and Sky would have us believe that we were comparing apples and oranges. So while we can, rightly, point to individual games that were comparatively successful (not least the Scottish Cup Final which combining the large Sky viewership with the anecdotal evidence I’ve been told regarding the BBC rating, may well be the most widely viewed final of all time), this season has not been a success as a whole. In the piece on this last season, I wrote the following:

 “That doesn’t mean we can’t make some conclusions and predictions. For a start, going back pre-2012, we know for a fact that average viewing figures were about double what they are now (in the limited time span between the end of Setanta and the end of ESPN). In the space of a season, it’d be hard to predict that ratings would bounce back that hard that fast, but an uptick to around 170k (around 1.5x what we have now) would be a pretty conservative estimate of where we will be this time next year and, were that the case, the SPFL would be pretty happy.”

 That conservative prediction was, as we know now, wildly over optimistic. Ratings haven’t hit that peak nor have they threatened to. When you hear the SPFL talk about getting a large increase in the TV deal, it is something that is tinged with jealousy at what others get - the ratings don’t back it up. Going back to 2011 and the £16m per season deal Sky and ESPN signed then to the end of this season (renewed in 2012 and extended to 2019 last year), a question has to be asked as to why Sky or BT would pay more now than then. This season’s figures do not act as a sound answer to that question. It would be wrong also to say “Oh, well, that’s just because it’s season one of Rangers being back” because there is little in the trend of ratings fluctuation through the season that is much out of the ordinary compared to other seasons.

 Whatever the SPFL need to do, be it splurge on marketing, change timeslots to avoid EPL games, complain to every single newspaper in England to get them to cover Scottish football with more than just a paragraph a week or simply mither Sky until they promote Scottish football to the level they would Yeovil vs Scunthorpe and do it professionally, they need to do it now. Next season is the penultimate of the current TV deal and broadcasters will be taking positions as to how they want to go forward. BT have already made clear they wish to go it alone but for the SPFL to get value out of them, Sky have to want the same thing. If Sky’s figures show no uplift - will they want to do so?

 That’s the big question going forward. Because, while Media outlets would have you believe that there is no greater barrier to interest than that of an uncompetitive league, the reality is that there will be no greater barrier to the growth of the SPFL than a lack of competition for broadcasting rights.

 To end, the big figures from the season:

 The SPFL Premiership ranked in popularity with games shown:

 1 - Celtic - Average Viewers: 211432 - Games Shown: 37

2 - Rangers - 203148 - 27

3 - Hamilton - 184667 - 3 (Playoff figures haven’t been released by BT yet)

4 - Hearts - 150300 - 10

5 - Inverness - 137333 - 3

6 - Kilmarnock - 115500 - 4

7 - Aberdeen - 107563 - 16

8 - Dundee - 105000 - 7

9 - Motherwell - 96375 - 8

10 - Ross County - 85000 - 3

11 - Partick Thistle - 81000 - 3

12 - St Johnstone - 79286 - 7

 The top 10 most viewed games (all competitions excl internationals and friendlies)

 1 - Rangers vs Celtic - 31/12/17 - 734000

2 - Celtic vs Man City - 28/09/17 - 592000

3 - Celtic vs Rangers - 12/03/17 - 465000

4 - Celtic vs Rangers - 23/04/17  386000

5 - Celtic vs Rangers - 23/10/16 - 382000

6 - Hearts vs Celtic - 07/08/16 - 332000

7 - Celtic vs Rangers  - 10/09/16 - 321000

8 - Rangers vs Celtic - 29/04/17 - 309000

9 - Aberdeen vs Rangers - 25/09/16 - 303000

10 - Rangers vs Hamilton - 06/08/17 - 251000

  The full data is available at https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10Xam4rmrNdxm3-r_gkiRP7aroDK44HLFACIVVOrextg/edit?usp=sharing - as always, please feel free to share linking back to the original spreadsheet as opposed to passing it off as your own as has happened in the past.